Hi all. I am at the end of my rope and came across this community. I’ll add that I am in human medicine: QH Mare 23 years old Salmonella colitis with sepsis last fall but otherwise no history Hospitalized at VTech right now
Puncture wound with slight tendon sheath involvement on back leg last week. UTD with tetanus. Went to hospital for surgical wash out and abx. Came home was fine. On enrofloxacin, banamine and gasteoguard with stall rest. Several days later developed ataxia and myoclonus everywhere. CK fine, kidney function took a dive because she stopped being able to walk to buckets for food and water. Stopped banamine and switched to Tylenol, pain staking trailer ride back to vet. Now in critical care with top dx diff Stiff horse syndrome. Very little literature. Not laminitis, not meningitis, no focal neuro, no suspected cord, neg ammonia testing. Otherwise bright and intact. Just extremely unsteady, uncoordinated gate, wants to tuck legs inwards/under her and too spastic to lay down. Spiked one fever but otherwise no other infectious suspicion, initial wound looks good and not tender. Started on high dose dex BID and pregabalin and has been on for 24 hours. Today is finally not spasming and laid down and is in sternal resting position and drinking water, still getting fluids. Kidney function normal and labs normal otherwise. Has anyone ever seen this kind of autoimmune presentation before? She had a short episode of the same symptoms when she was sick in the fall but self resolved. Gave her a hefty dose of thiamine both times just in case. I’m trying to feel reassured that she is more relaxed now and the rest of her work up is normal, kidney function back to normal but vet wants to talk about possible euthanasia. In people, we give things like this more time (GBS) and they make full recovery usually with supportive care. Any experience with this would be appreciated if anyone is out there with advise or info.

Oh, the art of swiping up on my iPhone! It has become my digital tick, my nervous twitch in the universe of touch screens. Every app session ends with the same grand gesture: a swift, satisfying swipe up. Is there anything more conclusive than making an app disappear with the flick of a thumb? But here's where the plot thickens: am I actually doing any good? Or is this habitual app-quitting a silent scream into the void of smartphone management?
Let's break this down, shall we? On one hand, I’m convinced that quitting apps like it’s my job must be saving battery life. It feels intuitive, doesn't it? Less stuff open, less power consumed, right? Well, that’s the trick—intuition isn't always right. I read somewhere that these modern smartphones are designed to handle multitasking like a pro. That iOS is a master of efficient app management, pausing them in a state of suspended animation where they barely sip on the battery. So, every time I swipe up, am I just giving my phone digital busywork, reopening apps from scratch which, ironically, might be using more power than leaving them in a peaceful slumber?
And what about memory? Oh, precious memory! It must be preserved, surely. Clearing out those apps has to be like giving your phone a breath of fresh digital air, or so my brain argues. But then, I recall tech experts speaking in hushed, reverent tones about how iOS smartly manages memory without my compulsive interference. It seems my phone’s operating system is already several steps ahead, juggling apps like a seasoned circus performer.
Yet, there's another angle to consider: the apps themselves. Do they resent my constant interruptions? Imagine being woken up every few minutes, only to be told to go back to sleep. It can't be good for them. Maybe these apps thrive on continuity, and by swiping them away, I'm denying them their fullest potential. Could my habitual swiping be hindering their performance, causing these little digital hiccups I notice now and then?
But wait, perhaps there’s a psychological dimension to this. Could it be that this swiping isn’t really about memory or battery or app health at all? Is it possible that this action is a manifestation of my need for control in a world where so little is under my command? Every swipe could be a mini-declaration of my dominion over my handheld universe, a tiny, fleeting moment of order in the palm of my hand.
So, what’s the verdict in this grand digital court? The evidence seems to lean towards my swiping habit being mostly unnecessary, perhaps even a tad detrimental in the grand algorithmic scheme of things. Yet, here I am, swiping away with gusto, as if the very wellness of my digital companion hinges on my vigilant app management.
In conclusion, while my mind understands that this swiping saga might be a quixotic quest against an imaginary foe, my thumb is not so easily swayed. The addiction to swipe up continues, a testament to the complexity of human behavior in the age of technology. So, I’ll keep pondering, swiping, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll try letting go a bit—both of the apps and my need to control them. After all, isn't that what updates are for? To finally fix what was never broken in the first place.

"I am going to be 48 years old in a few weeks. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder since I was twenty years old. Much of my life, I have met all of the criteria of this disorder, and I have had a long, hard road ahead once it dawned on me that it was true. I have a fundamental dysfunction in my personality. I cannot cope with the world because at my core, I am unable to maintain stability as a functional adult for long periods of time due to my impulsive nature and my ability to forgive and love unconditionally. I don't know how to reconcile those traits with a healthy and successful life. My relationships are 'ride or die,' with me as the enabledoormat/reactionary drama queen. I tend to date men who need constant, obsessive attention and servitude, with them being the dominant to my submissive, their ego to my down-to-earth, and they are the Narcissist to my Borderline. I don't want to romanticize like so many JokeHarley memes, but this has been the way that it has gone for far too long.
My upbringing wasn't even close to being abusive. I was the only child, and my parents stayed married. I was sheltered, with no physical or sexual abuse; both of my parents were good people who loved me. It wasn't easy; we lacked money but never love. We struggled, but there were so many things that were different than for most people, in cool ways and in ways that were not cool. But never was I considered 'normal.'
One of the challenges of being Borderline is the difficulty in being our own therapist. Not because of this new 'favorite person' misinformation, but because we struggle with justifying anything. We see very little wrong with the way we are; we just need to know how we can make others understand that it's okay that we are intense, unpredictable in a predictable way, and humanly sensitive to everything that affects us. We insert ourselves into everything so we can let it all affect us. We claim that we didn't realize that we're supposed to change because we see no problem with the way we are; it's other people who are concerned, and we are not concerned with what people think (except when we are). So why do we have to change? It's our life, the one that is unmanageable and dysfunctional, and giving us unhoused vibes. This is still our life, and it's not easy to get through that we need to act accordingly because we don't care about your self-esteem; why do you care about ours?
So, we are often pushed into admitting that we can potentially be a little bit much. We are painted into the roles of the serial killer and the horrible Narcissistic Personality Disorder twin flame that nobody trusts because we follow our hearts (and we tend to hold grudges). Our dynamics are different, but we all follow astrology. Our sign is 'complete psycho' most of the time. I have been trying to figure out how to make it so we can get along with the world and it is not our enemy...but people keep messing up the whole situation.
People with borderline personality disorder may exhibit fear of abandonment through intense and unstable relationships. They might go to great lengths to avoid real or perceived abandonment, such as clinging to others, becoming quickly and intensely attached, or displaying extreme reactions (anger, panic, or depression) when they anticipate abandonment.
Abandonment fears can lead to impulsive actions to prevent separation or worse, therefore it's important to seek professional help for a comprehensive understanding and support. Additionally, individuals with BPD may engage in frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, such as making frantic, impulsive gestures to maintain a connection, even if those actions are not in their best interest. They might experience intense feelings of emptiness when alone and may go to extremes to fill that void. These behaviors can strain relationships, making it challenging for individuals with BPD to establish and maintain stable connections with others. Therapy, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), is often recommended to help manage and address these challenges.
Patterns of instability in borderline personality disorder (BPD) refer to consistent and recurring disruptions in various aspects of a person's life. This instability typically manifests in the following areas:

1. Relationships: Individuals with BPD often experience tumultuous relationships marked by extremes of idealization and devaluation. Their attitudes and feelings toward others may change rapidly, contributing to a cycle of intense, yet unstable, interpersonal connections.
   
2. Self-Image: BPD can involve an unstable sense of self. Individuals may struggle with a fluctuating self-identity, feeling uncertain about who they are, their values, and their life goals. This instability in self-perception can lead to a lack of direction and purpose.
   
3. Emotions: Emotional instability is a hallmark of BPD. Intense and rapidly shifting emotions, such as anger, anxiety, and sadness, can be challenging to regulate. Mood swings may occur in response to external events or perceived threats to relationships.
   
4. Impulsivity: Impulsive behaviors in areas like spending, substance abuse, reckless driving, or unsafe sexual practices are common in individuals with BPD. These actions often stem from a desire to alleviate emotional distress or avoid perceived abandonment.
   

These patterns of instability can significantly impact a person's daily functioning and relationships, making it crucial for individuals with BPD to seek professional help for effective management and support. In the context of borderline personality disorder (BPD), impulsivity refers to engaging in behaviors without careful consideration of the consequences. Individuals with BPD may display impulsive actions in various areas of their lives, such as:

1. Spending: Reckless and impulsive spending, often beyond one's means, is common in individuals with BPD.
   
2. Substance Abuse: Engaging in impulsive and risky behaviors related to substance use, including alcohol and drugs.
   
3. Sexual Behavior: Unplanned and impulsive sexual encounters, sometimes without regard for potential consequences, can occur.
   
4. Reckless Driving: Impulsive and risky driving behaviors, such as speeding or dangerous maneuvers.
   
5. Self-Harm: Engaging in impulsive self-harming behaviors as a way to cope with intense emotions.
   

Impulsivity in BPD can be driven by a desire to alleviate emotional pain, boredom, or to avoid perceived abandonment. Developing coping strategies and emotional regulation skills through therapy, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can be beneficial in managing impulsive behaviors associated with BPD.
Identity disturbance in borderline personality disorder (BPD) refers to a pervasive and unstable sense of self. Individuals with BPD may struggle with a coherent and consistent understanding of who they are, which can manifest in several ways:

1. Self-Image Fluctuations: A person with BPD may experience rapid shifts in self-perception, ranging from feeling exceptionally positive to extremely negative about themselves. This can occur within short periods.
   
2. Uncertainty About Goals and Values: Individuals with identity disturbance may have difficulty establishing and maintaining long-term goals or consistent values. They might struggle with defining their life direction and purpose.
   
3. Chameleon-Like Adaptation: Some individuals with BPD may adopt different personas or behaviors in different social situations, often as a means to fit in or avoid rejection. This can lead to a lack of stable and authentic self-expression. Intense Fear of Abandonment: The fear of abandonment can exacerbate identity issues, as individuals may shape their identity based on the perceived expectations or desires of others, leading to a lack of a stable core sense of self.
   

Addressing identity disturbance in BPD often involves therapeutic interventions, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) or psychodynamic therapy. These approaches aim to help individuals explore and develop a more stable and authentic sense of self.
Dissociation in borderline personality disorder (BPD) refers to a coping mechanism where individuals disconnect from their thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of identity. This disconnection can occur as a response to stress, trauma, or overwhelming emotions. Dissociative experiences in BPD may include:

1. Depersonalization: Feeling detached from oneself, as if observing from outside the body.
   
2. Derealization: Perceiving the external environment as unreal or distorted.
   
3. Amnesia: Gaps in memory, especially related to stressful events or periods of intense emotion.
   
4. Identity Confusion: Momentary lapses in awareness of one's identity or feeling unsure about who they are.
   

Dissociation serves as a way for individuals with BPD to manage distress, particularly when emotions become too overwhelming. However, it can interfere with daily functioning and contribute to difficulties in relationships. Therapy, especially approaches like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and trauma-focused therapy, may help individuals develop healthier coping mechanisms and address dissociative experiences.
Certainly, here are some examples of dissociative experiences that individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD) may encounter:

1. Depersonalization: Feeling as though you are watching yourself from a distance, almost like being an observer rather than an active participant in your own life.
   
2. Derealization: Perceiving the external world as strange, unreal, or distorted. You may be on a heavy trip off mushrooms and wandering around the closet park in the middle of the night feels different when you are over 40. It hits different, and you can get in a lot more trouble than experimenting teenagers. You're not holding a job long under these circumstances.
   
3. Amnesia: Having periods of time where you cannot recall significant details or events, especially those associated with heightened emotional states or trauma. If you are being sedated for trying to call the same number over and over at three am because you desperately need to move to
   
4. Identity Confusion: Brief moments of not recognizing oneself or feeling uncertain about personal identity, values, or goals. Taking in the attributes of your signiotg
   

It's important to note that dissociative experiences can vary widely among individuals, and not everyone with BPD will necessarily experience these examples. If you or someone you know is experiencing dissociation or other symptoms associated with BPD, seeking professional help from a mental health practitioner is crucial for appropriate diagnosis and support.
Suicidal ideation in borderline personality disorder (BPD) involves persistent thoughts about death, dying, or the desire to end one's life. Individuals with BPD may experience varying degrees of suicidal thoughts, ranging from fleeting notions to detailed plans. Some aspects of suicidal ideation in BPD include:

1. Frequency and Intensity: Suicidal ideation can be a chronic feature, with thoughts occurring regularly or intermittently. The intensity can range from vague thoughts to detailed plans.
   
2. Impulsivity: Individuals with BPD may be prone to impulsive behaviors, and this impulsivity can extend to suicidal acts or self-harming behaviors during periods of emotional distress.
   
3. Sense of Hopelessness: Suicidal thoughts in BPD can be linked to a pervasive sense of hopelessness, often fueled by challenges in relationships, identity, and emotional regulation.
   
4. Coping Mechanism: For some, suicidal ideation may serve as a coping mechanism, providing a perceived escape from emotional pain or a means to regain control.
   

Addressing suicidal ideation in BPD requires immediate attention from mental health professionals. Therapeutic interventions, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), can be effective in helping individuals manage intense emotions and develop healthier coping strategies. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, it's crucial to seek help from a mental health professional or a crisis hotline immediately.
Mood swings in borderline personality disorder (BPD) are characterized by rapid and intense changes in emotional states. These fluctuations can occur in response to various triggers or even without apparent cause. Key aspects of mood swings in BPD include:

1. Intensity: Emotions can shift from one extreme to another rapidly, with individuals experiencing intense feelings of joy, anger, sadness, or anxiety.
   
2. Instability: The duration of mood swings can be brief, lasting only a few hours or days. This instability contributes to the challenge of predicting or managing emotional states.
   
3. Triggered by Interpersonal Events: Mood swings in BPD often correlate with interpersonal stressors, such as perceived rejection, criticism, or the fear of abandonment.
   
4. Impact on Relationships: The intensity and unpredictability of mood swings can strain relationships, as others may find it challenging to understand or respond to the rapidly changing emotional landscape.
   

Therapeutic approaches, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), focus on helping individuals with BPD recognize and regulate their emotions, providing skills to manage mood swings effectively.
The term "Cluster B" refers to one of the four personality disorder clusters outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Cluster B personality disorders share certain features, including dramatic, emotional, and erratic behaviors. This grouping includes the following personality disorders:

1. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): Characterized by instability in relationships, self-image, and emotions, along with impulsive and self-destructive behaviors.
   
2. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): Involves an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, and a lack of empathy for others.
   
3. Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD): Characterized by a disregard for the rights of others, impulsivity, deceitfulness, and a lack of remorse after harming others.
   
4. Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD): Involves a need for attention, dramatic and seductive behavior, and intense emotions that may be perceived as shallow.
   

These personality disorders within Cluster B share some common traits, such as difficulties in forming and maintaining relationships, impulsivity, and emotional dysregulation. However, each disorder within the cluster has distinct features and diagnostic criteria. The clustering is a way to organize and understand patterns of personality pathology for diagnostic and treatment purposes.
Diagnosing borderline personality disorder (BPD) typically involves a comprehensive assessment by a mental health professional. Several tools and methods are used to gather information, including:

1. Clinical Interviews: A mental health professional conducts thorough interviews to assess the individual's symptoms, emotional experiences, and history of relationships. These interviews may involve discussions about mood, identity, impulsivity, and interpersonal difficulties.
   
2. Diagnostic Criteria: The assessment often involves evaluating the individual against established diagnostic criteria, such as those outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Meeting specific criteria is essential for a formal diagnosis.
   
3. Structured Interviews: Mental health professionals may use structured interviews designed to elicit specific information related to BPD symptoms. These interviews help standard ize the diagnostic process.
   
4. Self-Report Questionnaires: Individuals may be asked to complete self-report questionnaires designed to assess various aspects of personality, emotional experiences, and interpersonal functioning.
   
5. Collateral Information: Information from family members, close friends, or other relevant sources may be considered to gain a more comprehensive understanding of the individual's behavior and relationships.
   

It's important to note that a diagnosis of BPD should be made by a qualified mental health professional based on a thorough assessment. Early diagnosis and intervention are crucial for individuals with BPD to receive appropriate treatment and support.
Here's the continuation of the edited text:
Cluster B Personality Disorder #clusterb #clusterbs #bpd-dbt #dbt #fearofabandonment #linean
This revised version addresses spelling, grammar, and ensures clarity in expression. Let me know if there are any further edits or adjustments you'd like to make!

1. **

Hello,
I've discovered guerilla gardening recently, and I just happen to know of an abandoned lot where a building was knocked down several years ago. I'm gonna go look at it soon, but if I recall correctly there's just some scrub here and there and that's it.
Research suggests that nitrogen-fixing plants would be a good start (legumes seem to have been suggested here before), and obviously I want to plant something native to my area...... but I'm having difficulty identifying what, in fact, is native to my area that would be suitable.
Does anyone know where to look to find out what's native to my area? I'm in north-east england.

Here’s where I started thinking: bits can exist in two possible states, high and low (On and Off, 1 and 0, you get it). Neurons on the other hand can exist in many different states, giving them exponentially more dynamic ability in what can be produced with a very small number of them. In essence, you could probably build the same system using many less neurons than you’d need to build it with bits. This goes without mentioning the very many dimensions of a neuron that don’t exist for a bit, such as the electromagnetic dimension and how fluctuations in it might produce macro effects that are part of the brains overall function (e.g., mood changes).
Now, I try to apply that to the little transistors- or rather, how many are in the average computer. It’s a loaded question if you ask me. To generalize, there’s a lot. Though, we’ve also got somewhere in the range of 86 billion neurons forming our brain. That’s a lot of possibility. When I think of that sort of scale applied to the simpler rules of reinforcement learning (AI), I feel like a recipe starts coming together for cognition.
The architecture of a model (AI) has profound effects on what that model is good at and what situations it can be used in. GPT is great for natural language generation but not so good at math. There are better models for math but they are terrible at speech. This leads to me ask myself what sort of limitations are met by brains in our world? Ants and bees, for example, have a profound ability to work together for a common goal at an instants notice- but they aren’t so good with social-political sciences. Humans on the other hand can write centuries worth of reading material on the subject- but you’ll find it to be quite fragmented by personal beliefs of the authors.
All of this makes me think more about in what ways mankind’s cognition is limited. We can get quite granular and look at how precisely we recall the serial order of listed items. We can measure how items at the front and end of the list are correctly identified with higher rates for their index than, say, items in the middle of the list.

For Example: If presented with a list of 100 fruits, you’re more likely to remember the first 5 and the last 5 correctly than the 50th - 55th.

We can look beyond primacy and recency bias and instead review how we’re great with understanding of linear topics that move like time- start to finish. However, start dabbling with more complex topics such as emergentism and we humans are historically less inclined.
I feel like there is a pattern here, being that brains follow a lot of the natural reasoning I’d use if I asked myself: what would happen if we kept scaling AI. It almost seems like the human experience would even be a combination of several intelligence algorithms working together to synergically produce an emergent property that we see and feel and know as this human life.
Now, I wonder to what degree my existence could be just a sculpture of reactions produced by the many billions of impressions I’ve had in my life, molded by the algorithms my brain uses to process such impressions. Is there a distinction between me, what I know as me, and the logical result of what I just described? If there is- is it a physical distinction, a metaphorical one?
I guess from here I looked for questions that can help me come to my own conclusion. So, in all of its silliness, if hypothetical decomposition of the world over millions of years lead to a two dimensional experience for mankind, do you believe that our cognitive reasoning abilities even could exist? Or instead, do you believe it must devolve into a simpler state even if our brains were physically unaffected from the decomposition?

TLDR: Receptive oral sex exposure without ejaculation and only precum. MSM, possible bleeding gums and gingivitis risk factors. Mild isolated symptom at 4 week mark. Severe ARS like symptoms at 6 week mark. Tested negative for covid and flu on what i assume to be a rapid test at the hospital. Looking for advice regarding exposure risk, conflicting information and anxiety
For over 1 year I have been struggling with really bad anxiety due to HIV. Hopefully later this year i can have a conversation about it with my parents and get tested. Hopefully someone can provide some advice and another prespective
My exposure was receptive oral sex. He (19M) did not ejaculate in my mouth. However there was precum and my mouth was very dry, especially the roof of my mouth which came into contact with with the precum mostly. I dont recall any ulcers in my mouth and I brushed my teeth around 3 hours before so if there were cuts from brushing i would imagine they healed. I also have gingivitis.
Now for the symptoms.
The day after i had a bad sore throat which lasted almost a week. I sure this isint related but this was what sparked my anxiety.
Around the 4 week mark. I got another mild sore throat. Few days later i got antibiotics. towards the end of my course my dad said his throat felt weird too. Either way it got less serious but there was some hot flashes.
The main issue was the day before the 6 week mark. I woke up with 2am with stabbing pains in my chest which got worse as i breathe. I tried screaming (thats how painful it was) to get the attention of my family members but i couldnt scream loud enough, once they were awake we went to the ER where they did what i assume to be rapid test for influenza and covid which came back negative in an hour. I was diagnosed with acute phyrangitis.
From that point on all the synptoms came on. The chest pains(pleursy) High fever(broke and became low fever after 2 days) Night sweats(worst for the first 2 days, the bed no longer got drenched after). Very painful sore throat Muscle aches (initially generalized, then only on one side of the body, subsided within a week) Swollen lymph nodes in both armpits one ulcer Cough
Syptoms went away one by one over 2 weeks. Sore throat and lymph node were the last to go. High fever being the earliest to go.
Alot of times on here i see people test negative with light symptoms or just one or 2 of these systems, but everytime i see people with all these symptoms they test positive.
Part of me feels like it was covid or mono(partially due to the fact that my mom got pretty sick with flu like symptoms around a week after my severe symptoms and I heard that these 1 hour hospital test for covid and flu can have false negatives alot.
I understand that receptive oral sex, especially without ejaculation is a very low risk, pep isint even recommended according to one of the guidelines posted regarding hiv in my country: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/364689111_Malaysian_Consensus_Guideines_on_Antiretrviral_Therapy_2022
However ive seen way too many post here on reddit, poz.com and on the news about hiv through oral sex. I-base even says that 5% of cases yearly are assumed to be from oral sex. Yet ive seen reputable drs such as Dr Hunter Hansfield and Dr Hook say they never had a paitent who got hiv from receptive Oral sex (despite acknowledging that there have been very few proven cases).
Im sorry for all the rambling and really long winded post. My country isint as great as other countries in regards to hiv prevention (21% of MSM estimated to be hiv positive, though the estimate is likely in accurate. And only around 60% of HIV+ people here are on ART) which makes me extremely worried. Additionally my parents finding out, being denined insurance claims and being discriminated against while im looking for employment if i get HIV has caused me alot of anxiety so much that i tend to sleep at 5am these days.
Im hoping some of you could advise me on how to move on. The internet is full of contradicting information, especially among reputable sites, experts and activists. I know that people can live with long lives despite having hiv but it would ruin my life in so many other ways which keep me up at night.

I feel as though she is one of the two, although I suspect that she is an enneagram 2 which makes it harder to decide.
She is a lead teacher at our school, working primarily with three-four year olds. She has had her job for two years now (or nearly two years) and I remember that she mentioned to me early on after I asked what careers she sees working for me (she suggested occupational therapy due to my work with an autistic child, that she could definitely see me working with kids) that although two of our coworkers who she is friends with saw themselves moving into different fields, she saw herself staying with our school longterm. This would have perhaps been a conversation we had around October 2023. I’ve gotten the impression within the last two months that she has changed her mind about this - she took a mental health day because the autistic child’s aide who we’ve had some issues with blew up at her (she suggested that the aide seems more comfortable talking to her than the other two teachers. I have to admit that for some reason, I tend to approach her more than I do the other two as well, but I’m trying to work on this - I think she just seems the most approachable for some reason, I can’t put my finger on why.) I remember that when another teacher was giving all of us a ride home, she actually suggested something about how she’s considering heading into occupational therapy herself, and was honest about the fact that she has a lot of difficulty with one particular child in her group.
She still came to work two weeks ago even though she admitted after I’d asked if I could go home early due to dehydration (she said yes) that she hadn’t been sleeping well due to the death of a family member. I notice that she always comes to work early or on time.
I recall that early on she advised not letting the kids “walk over” me (and some of them honestly might try to, lol.) I recently overheard her suggest to one of the kids she works with (she sounded annoyed, which I kind of get, I know she must deal with a lot sometimes) that maybe she just shouldn’t come to school when the kid was complaining about something.
She tends to describe the autistic child I work with as being one of the easiest children at our school to work with, but I wonder if she really means that/actually personally believes that (I do take care of him in the afternoons so that she and the other teachers can watch after their class.) She and the other teachers did not mention to me early on that it was possible the child would bite me (he did once, and I didn’t know he might or could) which I think is technically wrong, although I understand that maybe they were all simply busy and it didn’t occur to them to mention it (I suspect, for some reason, that she’s the only one who may have considered that the team should have mentioned it, even though no one apologized to me.) The child in question has severe autism, and I recall that she and the others were upset with his aide for pushing him back after he bit the aide. She has documented the aide’s behavior, although it seems that nothing will come of it anytime soon.
She doesn’t always come to work with makeup on, but I don’t wear it myself either.
When I asked her recently when it may be best to ask for a raise, she suggested waiting until after summer ends as summer is when most people pull their weight. She also suggested that it was possible my boss would offer me a raise in the meeting (which did happen) yet didn’t disagree that it was possible that it wouldn’t happen. She did seem to agree that asking for a raise made sense (pointed out that I generally stay when needed/asked, arrive on time, etc.)
Her college major was completely different from what she does at present, it was about protecting the planet.
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TW: Sexual abuse, suicidal ideation, self harm,
This is long, so thanks for reading it if you choose to read it.
TL:DR I was sexually abused growing up. Entered a toxic relationship, discovered I was bi in the aftermath.
I binged this series yesterday and i'm glad I did. I am a person who was sexully abused growing up by my "friends". My parents had sent me to a rather small school and I was bullied severely by classmates. A year of my life was spent living in fear of a bully who would recruit some of my other friends to do things like hold me down and grab my balls with pliers, sodomize me with whatever they could find etc. My class was so small and the people who did this were the people I shared common interests in like music and skateboarding. I repressed the memories until I left my parents home for college. Only until later in life I learned that you cannot heal from something in the environment that hurt you. While the abuse was going on I was un able to explain it to my parents. A previous year my brother got a wedgie at a party and my dad who was a lawyer literally took a picture of his bare asshole to have proof of his assault and I remember thinking i'd never go through that exprience. Furthermore my parents would tell me things (not knowing of my abuse) like "you'd have it much worse in public school" when i'd beg them to move me elsewhere. They'd threaten to send me to military school when my grades slipped and I always felt like I was the problem.
I spent much of my early 20s in therapy and learning to cope with that experience. I really didn't feel comfortable going to public restrooms (the primary place of my abuse) until my late 20s. I actually thought I had moved on from this trauma until I entered a poly relationship with someone in my early 30s. I loved this person (and a part of me still does) but as the relationship moved on it was clear some things weren't ok. I was very open with her about my past and she wanted me to move in very early on in the relationship. This person also had her own baggage and crappy childhood. We just had very different ways of dealing with it. On paper this girl was shy and sweet, very quiet. However she loved the attention she received from posting nudes on the internet and engaging in risky sexual behavior. When the pandemic started she began doing sex work (without telling me) and of course I made it seem like no big deal, after all she did lose one of her two jobs and was just trying to survive. She eventually had a client stealth her and later that day she had unprotected sex with me.
She also had an older partner who was her "dom" they have a 15 year age gap and after the relationship ended I wondered if he was grooming her. In the 2 years we spent together I can only recall a handful of times she said positive things about him. This guy was a walking red flag really, the first time we hung out as the three of us he stole something, he was an unemployed "actor" and was a 40 year old dating a mid 20s girl. I think he was 38 and she was 24 when they started dating. She brought up things that made me question if he even got consent for some of the things they did. One time they went on a swingers cruise and he brought another couple back to their room without even telling her. He also would dom her in a way that was very physical. We are talking caining her boobs in a fashion that left them completely purple and scarred. I just would tell myself it was her relationship, and not my place to intervene. Both of them were pretty established in the community and I was a newbie. She invited me to a sex party, which I was already hesitant to attend because it was the pandemic, but I remember talking to her so I could gauge expectations and it was pretty clear she only invited me because her other partner had already found another date (unsurprisingly someone even younger then her). When talking to her about the party she went into great detail about what she would do with her other partner and when I asked her what we could do at the party she replied "I don't have to do shit with you". I was so taken a back by that statement and didn't want to start a fight so I simply found an excuse as to why I couldn't go to the party.
Theres other instances of this person just not being a good partner and pushing boundaries. She would limit who I dated by vetoing basically everyone else I tried to date while she started dating every night of the week we didn't spend together. She even went as far as to date someone with the same job as me and I work in a freelance industry. When I approached her to why I was uncomfortable with that and asked her to stop, she kept seeing him anyways. It was only after one of her friends pointed out that I was right she stopped seeing him.
Then I got in a car accident. Someone ran a light, I'm lucky I wasn't more hurt then I was, but the timing of the injuries I did sustain destroyed goals I was working on. Things she knew I deeply cared about and I worked on daily to achieve, things I would wake up everyday at 5am to work towards. The second time I tried to explain to her why I was so depressed after the accident I was met with "You already talked about that, why are you bringing this up again". Just a few weeks after this accident she broke up with me, a day before my birthday. I spent my birthday in my room devastated, and remember talking to her the day after asking to get back together. We ended up getting back together, she had just gotten a job she had to go through some pretty extensive interviewing for and I told her we should go somewhere nice to celebrate, and it would be nice if we could celebrate my birthday as well. She told me I didn't "deserve" a birthday.... 2 months later she had a birthday week.
Finally she broke up with me for the final time after she started dating someone particular pretty heavily. It became clearer that she was dating as hard as she was to replace me. I know I wasn't the best version of myself at the time, but I was understandably just going through some things I think most people would understand. I remember when I went to get my stuff from her place I called her out on everything. She snapped back "why would you bring up the stuff you don't like about me!" rather then acknowledge how she hurt me.
Weeks later she messaged me begging to get back together and I remember saying "i'm sorry but we aren't getting back together this time". I remember offering her closure but she told me I "didn't deserve closure". As I processed the relationship more it only seemed to me having more questions. I remember talking about the unprotected sex thing after getting raped thing on reddit, not thinking she was reading my posts but she messaged me the next day making me feel terrible about talking about it because I was making her rape "all about me". She then asked for no contact, which I gave to her until she matched with me on tinder. (I had swiped right on her before her asking for no contact).
This was months later and I saw my own faults in the relationship. I felt like we made it through the pandemic and there was still a nice future for us. I didn't think the few bad moments I listed so far weighed out some of the lovely times we had together. I think one of the funny things about no contact is you can miss the good things of relationship and bury the things that sucked. I offered her an apology and proposed we work things out. I offered to take her on a trip to Sedona where we could go on hikes and work on our relationship. I communicated this in a pile of anxiety and she basically ghosted out of the conversation and threatened me with a restraining order. Again I stopped contacting her, this time I blocked her everywhere, and I again asked questions on reddit. One day I realized she was probably still reading my reddit though, it is rather easy to make alt accounts after all. SO i deleted all my posts and comments with a bot. Sure enough the next morning I was at work and checked that account. I had a new follower, someone followed me about an hour after I deleted everything and I naively thought maybe it was someone I was talking to in those threads I was writing. Then I started reading the posts of this person. They sounded suicidal (posts like "i don't want to be alive anymore") they were self harming, and their dog was dying. Then I saw they had posted a picture. It was my exes account.
I wasn't really sure what she was trying to get out of contacting me like this. I remember thinking it could be a cry for help so rather then contact the police to do a wellness check I contacted her sister after I didn't hear back from my ex. I thought she was suicidal because her dog needed a surgery and she couldn't afford it, so I offered to pay for the surgery, ironically it would have been with the money I got from the car crash... I never heard back from her and her sister wasn't exactly welcoming me to contacting her despite the circumstances. I wasn't sure if I was out of line or not but it really seemed like my ex needed some help and her sister works at a crisis hotline. This is the last I ever heard from my ex. I did try to reach out a couple of times to understand why she did what she did, but i was simply met with "stop contacting me". This only made things worse, I have spent the last two years having a piece of me worried that she was going to kill herself. I mean thats what her words showed after all. In a way I became a Martha for a minute. While i didn't contact my ex (other then the two times I was seeking answers for why she did what she did) I went to great lengths to see if she was active on certain social medias because if she was active it meant she was alive. I just wanted to know she was ok, so I'd justify things like creating a burner fetlife to see if she was active, nevermind the damage seeing things like my ex getting gangbanged did to my mental health, if she was active it meant she was at least alive. I also wanted truth, I was looking for answers to what happened. I eventually got to a point where I stopped doing this (thank god) and acknowledge its no way to live.
I lost my sexual identity during this time as well. I discovered I was bi, I don't know if the experience with her left me so unnatracted to women, or the trauma felt so similar to what I had experienced in my early 20s. I lived that scene where the Gadd gets off to gay porn and thought "welp that was unexpected". I never went to the lengths of what he did as far as wanting his body to be used though.
This is where things come kind of full circle. In the months between the breakup and her contacting me like that, I started writing a record. It was oddly the most inspiring time of my life. It was about the only joy I was finding during this time frame and it was helping me process that relationship. As soon as she followed me on that account I lost all inspiration though. I felt by releasing the record it would hurt her and the story changed so it felt impossible to finish. My head was no longer in the same space to finish the project, or tell the stories as they were. I finally have finished that record 2 years later and it is what it is, writing the last 15% of it was infinitely more difficult then writing the first 85% because of my concern for her. From my point of view releasing this record could create it's own baby reindeer effect (allthough i'm not a good singer so it's not going to go anywhere like this show) I'm also afraid she will hear it and subsequently relapse into that suicidal state. I'm still on the fence about releasing it.
I guess thats my story, I will say this, Richard and myself were in these situations because we lack boundaries. Maybe not stating boundaries, but simply enforcing them. It's something I have worked on. On top of that there's a reason we stay with the abusers. I know in my case I loved simply spending time with this person. She dangled things in front of me that I wanted. I wanted to move in with her, I wanted to spend more time with her. I don't have a lot of family and being accepted by hers made me feel like I had a place. I viewed her as my best friend and partner. So while the show and this post may highlight the abuse, it also doesn't highlight all the times things were really good. In a way I became addicted to the roller coaster. My ex would push my boundaries further, and i'd subsequently blame myself and try harder. Unfortunately I lost myself in the process. In the case of my childhood abusers, they were the kids that did the things I also liked, I wanted to simply be accepted because I didn't feel accepted in my own home. Furthermore when you end up in one of these abusive relationships, the abuser always has something the abused wants. In my ex I saw someone that drew a bad straw and I wanted my ex to be happy, I loved making her happy, never mind my own needs.

I'm Markiplier. I can master any device... All I have to do is... OH BALLS!

RESPECT MARKIPLIER

One day, the famous YouTuber Markiplier received a parcel in the mail. He then suffered through a flagrant advertisement of properties owned and licensed by Red Giant Entertainment a surreal trip through the multiverse, before eventually making it home after helping and being helped by the inhabitants of many other worlds.
Markiplier originates from from Red Giant Entertainment's Absolute Comics Group series "Markiplier". Co-written by the man himself, it lasted for four issues. In addition, he also appeared as the narrator of "Giant-Size Presented by Markiplier"; his appearance in the latter does not appear to be canonical to his appearances in the former. Feats will be marked by which issue they occurred in.
NOTE: I don't own a copy of Giant-Size so the images are represented by what I can find online. They're not great. Given their dubious canonicity, feel free to ignore them.

Physicals

^{Strength
Striking}

• Using a baseball bat, kills multiple zombies with singular strikes to the head.³

^{Lifting/Throwing}

• Struggles to move the android Snipe (from "Amped") because of her weight.⁴

^{Endurance
Durability}

• Tanks falling out of the sky after being dropped out of a portal.¹
  • It's not likely that the portal has affected gravity in anyway, since on another occasion he knocks out a person after landing on them.³

^Stamina

• Pushes Snipe in a wheelbarrow for at least a mile through a wrecked city.⁴

^{Speed and Agility
Mobility}

• Leaps on mushrooms and swings around on vines with ease.²

^Reflexes

• Dodges what appears to be blue lightning bolts fired by Darchon Blaque.¹
  • Darchon's own series doesn't go into depth on what he is or what he can do; he can just do stuff.

^Travel

• Runs faster than a flying combat hologram of a dragon, evading its fire breath at the same time.¹
  • The dragon was a solid light projection; not as dangerous as a real dragon but still exuding real fire.¹

Skills

^{Intelligence
General}

• Thinks a good way to avoid startling a woman he's sneaking up on is to compliment her posterior.²

^{Mental Defences}

• WEAKNESS He's vulnerable to his body being seized control of by a telepath.⁴
• His mind is disgusting to a telepath like Nom from "First Defense".⁴
• CANON? Has a hidden evil personality called "Darkiplier", who will pretend to wish to impart knowledge. The personality switch can be detected when Mark's shirt begins changing colours.^GS

^{Resourcefulness}

• On being told a were-cat needs a silver solution to cure it, immediately suggests a photograph development lab.³
  • He knows the developing fluid contains silver because of the amount of time he spends on the internet.³

^{Other Skills}

• He has a "doorbell sense", which alerts him to the coming of the FedUps deliveryman.¹
• CANON? Claims to be great at the tango.^GS
• CANON? When he goes to the mystical realm of Magika, he'll sprout batwings and split in half. He'll need to run after them to catch them.^GS
  • This doesn't occur to him in the main comic.

Equipment

^{Wristwatch
Usage}

• It can open portals beneath the user, on the person's exact location, to the side of the user, and so on.^{1, 2}
• It's unclear whether the watch allows for time travel, since Mark's first destination is Darchon Blaque's universe in 1893.¹
  • When he returns home he discovers he's only been gone for several minutes, making this likely.⁴
• It can travel to worlds considered fictional in Mark's home reality.¹

^Mobility

• A user travelling from one universe and arriving another can be detected by a powerful magic user like Darchon Blaque.¹

^Durability

• Breaks after Mark falls out of the sky and lands on it.¹
• Dade of "Wayward Sons" reinforces it so that it is "practically indestructible".¹

^Security

• WEAKNESS It is easily removed by two tiny thieving mushroom people.²
• WEAKNESS It can be disabled by anything that disables electronics in a given area.²

^Other

• It came in the mail alongside a huge manual that Mark didn't bother reading.¹
• Travelling between universes imbues the user with interdimensional energy, making them a target for dimensional vampires.¹
  • The vampires leave after Mark is teleported to another universe via different means.¹
• Doctor Kane from "Amped" immediately spots a recall / "return home" feature on the side of the watch; it's hard to tell whether he's simply familiar with the watch or whether it's really that obvious how to use it.⁴

^Weapons
Tech

• CANON? Has Tesla-styled electrical gauntlets.^GS
• CANON? Has an android body built by the AMPED Project that his mind can be projected into but he does not know how to leave it himself.^GS

^Bladed

• CANON? Has access to Jason's lightning sword.^GS
  • It can shoot lightning bolts.¹

^Other

• Claims to have a crown that in some fashion could help with were-cats; he doesn't keep it on his person.³
  • Given that he appears to doubt the existence of were-cats this was likely a joke.

Miscellaneous

• When he gets bored, he talks to himself.¹
• Dade of "Wayward Sons" is a fan of his own universe's Markiplier.¹
• His spirit is accepted by a Guardian from "Monster Isle".³
• He regularly engages in rude humour with sexual undercurrents; using a cheap that's what she said joke; vocally announcing that he's ogling Alanis when he comes across her; admitting to Artemis that he only reads her stories because her artist draws her sexily; and making this pun.^{1, 2, 4}

What is this, a ZWAGBOX?

I had a bleed. Here’s my story.
TLDR for the first 8 days. No major issues, obviously had pain for me the worst 3-6 days, Day 7/8/9 had some intermittent pain still on ibuprofen tylenol but very manageable. Was eating soft solids by that point, nothing acidic/carbonated/sharp, and chewed finely.
I was flying back to my hometown. Smooth sailing. I get home into my apartment. I eat a few popsicles, easy as always. I lay down to catch a rest. As I am dosing off, I get an alert on my phone about 30 minutes later after eating. I get a text and need to get ready to drive to my SO place. As I am getting ready, my heart suddenly drops. I feel a pool of warm liquid in my mouth. I stumble to the sink and spit out a pool of blood. By this point, I am in shock, my arms are shaking and feeling close to passing out. I run to try and get ice cubes and stuck them in my mouth but so much blood was pooling, kept swallowing.
I quickly went down several flights of steps to try and apart the apartment front guard person but no ones was there. Dripping blood and spitting it out as I traverse the apartment to my car.
Scared I was gonna pass out called 911 and got in my car to drive to hospital only 7 minutes away. I was already halfway there by the time 911 operator answered.
I drove to the end of the emergency bay out of way of ambulance and ran inside.
They got me a room immediately and started giving me nebulized transexamic acid. The ENT came in around 30 minutes later and numbed area, pulled out clots and administered silver nitrate over the area.
Left the ED after hour without bleeding.
Even though in reality probably loss less than a single unit of blood, it is a very different feeling swallowing the blood so frequently.
Mistake I made: Should have afrin spray and used it at the base of the fossa per my ENT. I should have tried swishing ice water not just cubes.

TLDR: Receptive oral sex exposure without ejaculation and only precum. MSM, possible bleeding gums and gingivitis risk factors. Mild isolated symptom at 4 week mark. Severe ARS like symptoms at 6 week mark. Tested negative for covid and flu on what i assume to be a rapid test at the hospital. Looking for advice regarding exposure risk, conflicting information and anxiety
For over 1 year I have been struggling with heavy anxiety due to HIV. Hopefully later this year i can have a conversation about it with my parents and get tested. Hopefully someone can provide some advice and another prespective
My exposure was receptive oral sex. He (19M) did not ejaculate in my mouth. However there was precum and my mouth was very dry, especially the roof of my mouth which came into contact with with the precum mostly. I dont recall any ulcers in my mouth and I brushed my teeth around 3 hours before so if there were cuts from brushing i would imagine they healed. I also have gingivitis.
Now for the symptoms.
The day after i had a bad sore throat which lasted almost a week. I sure this isint related but this was what sparked my anxiety.
Around the 4 week mark. I got another mild sore throat. Few days later i got antibiotics. towards the end of my course my dad said his throat felt weird too. Either way it got less serious but there was some hot flashes.
The main issue was the day before the 6 week mark. I woke up with 2am with stabbing pains in my chest which got worse as i breathe. I tried screaming (thats how painful it was) to get the attention of my family members but i couldnt scream loud enough, once they were awake we went to the ER where they did what i assume to be rapid test for influenza and covid which came back negative in an hour. I was diagnosed with acute phyrangitis.
From that point on all the synptoms came on. The chest pains(pleursy) High fever(broke and became low fever after 2 days) Night sweats(worst for the first 2 days, the bed no longer got drenched after). Very painful sore throat Muscle aches (initially generalized, then only on one side of the body, subsided within a week) Swollen lymph nodes in both armpits one ulcer Cough
Syptoms went away one by one over 2 weeks. Sore throat and lymph node were the last to go. High fever being the earliest to go.
Alot of times on here i see people test negative with light symptoms or just one or 2 of these systems, but everytime i see people with all these symptoms they test positive.
Part of me feels like it was covid or mono(partially due to the fact that my mom got pretty sick with flu like symptoms around a week after my severe symptoms and I heard that these 1 hour hospital test for covid and flu can have false negatives alot.
I understand that receptive oral sex, especially without ejaculation is a very low risk, pep isint even recommended according to one of the guidelines posted regarding hiv in my country: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/364689111_Malaysian_Consensus_Guideines_on_Antiretrviral_Therapy_2022
However ive seen way too many post here on reddit, poz.com and on the news about hiv through oral sex. I-base even says that 5% of cases yearly are assumed to be from oral sex. Yet ive seen reputable drs such as Dr Hunter Hansfield and Dr Hook say they never had a paitent who got hiv from receptive Oral sex (despite acknowledging that there have been very few proven cases).
Im sorry for all the rambling and really long winded post. My country isint as great as other countries in regards to hiv prevention (21% of MSM estimated to be hiv positive, though the estimate is likely in accurate. And only around 60% of HIV+ people here are on ART) which makes me extremely worried. Additionally my parents finding out, being denined insurance claims and being discriminated against while im looking for employment if i get HIV has caused me alot of anxiety so much that i tend to sleep at 5am these days.
Im hoping some of you could advise me on how to move on. The internet is full of contradicting information, especially among reputable sites, experts and activists. I know that people can live with long lives despite having hiv but it would ruin my life in so many other ways which keep me up at night.

I (31f) am guilt ridden for hating the thought of taking care of my (55f) ailing mother.
Long ass story and tons of rambling. I'm doing this on a throwaway account.
I was conceived during one of my mothers many short-lived relationships ( her words, not mine) she never intended to be permanently attached to my bio dad nor him to her. Which really didn't turn out to be a problem for him because I've only seen him a handful of times during my whole life. (he is a whole other thread)
My mother has made it her mission for my older sister and I's entire life to know that she really didn't want children, especially if they were going to be girls. The number of times throughout our lives, where we were told this or that wouldn't have happened if we were boys or things would have been better if she had never had children at all. Is outrageous. She reminded us often that the only thing we had going was pretty faces and okay bodies. That JJ needed to watch it with her weight, or she'd look like a linebacker. Mine was, that I wasn't academically inclined like my sister she probably could make it without a man, but it was life or death that I stay pretty because I was too dumb and lazy to work. Even going so far as to say, we stole her beauty, youth, and all her life opportunities from her. She believed that boys wouldn't have done that, they were easier to handle, more respectful, less demanding of material things, would grow to provide/ protect their mother and she wouldn't have worry about them being sexually misbehaved.
Any and everything was a competition between not only my sister and I but my mother between us. We weren't smart enough. We weren't feminine enough. Our hair wasn't perfect. Our clothing, the way we spoke, we weren't likable, lady like, and we would never get husband's being so opinionated/ un womanly. But when one of us did something that she liked, it was used against the other to "motivate" us to do better. By the time I reached my mid to late teens, I had my first sewer slide attempt. After many years of her mental badgering, an dealing with being sa'd ( I was told by mother that I wasn't the only girl who'd ever been touched I should be over that) had me in a bad place for a long time. It left me with scars up both arms, depressed, and paranoid, especially around men I didn't know..my mother " Now people know somethings wrong with you, and men don't wanna deal with that shit"
She was almost unhinged when my sister became old enough to decide which parent that she would like to live with and if she wanted to visit the other at all. She ended up living with her father for almost three years, and it was the worst. My mother began pulling me in tighter away from my bio dads family during this time, even though he wasn't around they wanted me to be. But her logic was that they were only doing that because they felt bad for me. That his mother was an alcoholic who should be around children anyway. After almost a year of avoiding then eliminating all contact with them, I didn't see them again. And to this day have no clue were are how to( I don't even know my father full real name she wont give it and has never told anyone who is still living I've tried all I get is a nickname ) She became obsessive with knowing all the inner workings of my sister father's home. Constantly reminding me that JJ abandoned her family for the man who mistreated her mother and I was to never be like JJ. Anytime my sister came home to visit was a s*** show of them arguing, claiming her father was brainwashing her to keep her from her mother.
She had no qualms about saying this to JJ and reliving the horror of being a teen mom to a black mans child in the south. How much she had to suffer because of her, and him being inattentive as a teenfather. How much their relationship was solely based on her getting pregnant. He only wanted to deal with her now that she was almost done being raised. Finally, that led to JJ not coming back for months at a time. During those years, I became my mother's little "buddy", informing her of where my sister was, how she was doing mentally, emotionally, academically and socially, especially if it had to do directly with her father. All of that continued even into my JJ, returning to my mother's home after her father got a traveling job and offered for her to stay full-time with her stepmother and stepbrother. But JJ wanted to come back to the city.
The real fun began, My older sister had years away from my mother to build walls, actually get a sense of what manipulation was and how to defend herself against it. And starting teaching me how. Like my mother wasn't gonna die if we stayed after school to join choir, rap music wasnt the devil, the gates of hell weren't opening because JJ wore a crop top, the world wasn't gonna burn down because I cut my bangs or either of us gained ten pounds. Again, all of this became hot ammunition for my mother. Especially the weight gain and appearance side of things, my mother didn't approve of me adapting my sister tone with her. I was tired of crying all the time and feeling absolutely awful about even being alive and allegedly ruining my mother's life and making her existence miserable.
We were developing and growing into women that she didn't visualize us being. My mother has been all about herself and what other people think about her from the moment she could understand the notion. She would an still does live beyond her means all the time to keep up the front that we practically she was better than everyo, e including family. So of course she couldn't have whatever nonsense we were up to.
The constant love bombing hate train continues, and we both had just learned to go with the flow. After graduating high school, my sister moved out the week after she stayed close in the neighborhood. I would hide out in my room when I'm not working to escape our mother when she is at home. Mynannies' place was where to be, I even lived there for a year after my sister left. I found a cool friend in my step-dad she married when I was entering middle school,who until I had graduated spend ninety-five percent of his time out of the house at work and had now gotten a real look at my mother the more time he spent with her. She blamed me personally when he remarried and had small children because I was being spoiled rotten to the point where he didn't want to have kids with her because "he" believed it would bother me. In reality, she had her tubes tied and burnt. We would go every weekend he was off to get books and coffee. It was like own little therapy from her. He eventually told me one weekend that he needed a break from it all. He left to stay with family after convincing from his mom, Grandma Gia. I don't blame him he was providing everyone with the healthcare, utilities, clothes, food, spending money, and whatever else we wanted or needed. While she was in charge of rent and her cigarettes. She asked for a divorce if he wasn't going to live with his wife. What was the point? He gave it to her.
He would still come see me and even took me on a trip during the divorce, which pissed her off good. After we came back in town, she couldn't hold it in. As I was getting my bags out the car she, starts screaming to where God and everybody outside in our neighborhood could hear about how he would rather spend time with her daughter, then with his wife and how it had always been that way that's why they ended up even filing for divorce. He never wanted to take her on trips or buy her favorite things. Then looked me dead in my face and said are you fucking my husband? Turns to him and says are you fucking my daughter?
That was the real start of me seeing blatantly, How demented, manipulative and just all around horrible she was. I was just shell shocked that's what her perverted brain could come up with the man that I saw is my protector an father figure during some of the most excruciating violating times of my life you accuse me of sleeping with. And that was the only reason you could come up with as to why he wanted be around me?
Skip around through my life where I got engaged at twenty two and was constantly harassed and got left threatening depressing voicemails of how I had forgotten I had a mother and didn't care if she died because I found a man to put a ring on my finger. That relationship did not last long after her constant calling and visiting his job to figure out my whereabouts. I had to return home after that relationship ended to get myself together financially. She told me that she had thought about committing suicide because nobody loved her. That I had gave her life purpose by coming home. Which blew my mind because Firstly, I was going through some of the most depressive months of my life, losing someone that I thought would be my husband and the father of my children because of my mother's constant harassment. Secondly my entire life you've told me how much of a burden I have been. I called my sister who I now know at the time was going through the worst domestic situation and she helped me get away from that quicker than I could have alone.
I got a well-paying job got my own place to stay my own vehicle. Thank whatever believe in.
And despite all of that, I still from a very young age even into my mid twenties desperately wanted a mother that wanted me and I could have a good healthy relationship with. I had friends that had loving Mother's, kind mother's , parents that wanted them around and participated actively in, their upbringing, so why not me? Even after I found out from relatives and my sister ( With the paperwork proof and photographs of my adoptive family who were there at my birth and named me) that I was originally to be aborted, but I was too late in term, so adoption was the other option. But she was guilted out of it by our family. I have offered to take her to therapy sessions. My therapist, having reached out to her with no response. She has no belief in it. She thinks it's for the weak minded and that there's nothing so wrong with our family. My mother is of the opinion that we were just unappreciative children because we could have had crack addicts for parents or she could have been a prostitute selling her kids for drugs. Or just left us with our fathers.
Now to present day, I am 31. My sister gone. I am her only hope of having someone take care of her in terms of children. She quit her job of 30 years of she could retire and travel. She was tired of working which is fine. And no, she did not have some nickel and dime job. She worked for the local government. Like my mom got presented with a seal of the city when she retired, they printed it in a news letter. She blew all that money. Gambling, traveling up-and-down the coast, going on shopping sprees, buying herself a new car. And of course, her expensive cigarette addiction. Again, all good and well, it's your money do with it what you want, you're an adult, but when you know you have crippling diabetes, a heart condition and suffer from chronic seizures, I would have saved that money for my health care.
She has now suffered from four strokes and is losing her ability to live on her own. Driving terrifies her, she can't stand up to go on a full grocery trip,she is on fixed income of disability and has medicaid. Now I am not completely heartless when she had her first stroke.I offered to move her out of her deteriorating home and in with me for free. Like everything free. She argued that she did not want to live with a roommate and in a rental. I told her that you need somebody taking care of you. You fall you have vertigo and spells of where you can't recall time. You need someone monitoring you. She still said no. I have gathered a community around her of family including her older sisters. They come and help take care of her.Make sure she is bathed.Gets to go to the grocery store.Covers that doctor's appointments when I can't be off work to do those things. One of her sisters is a full time stay at home wife and has offered her to come live out on her property that they own and have her own section of the house to herself. Just so that they know that she is being monitored all the time. I have even had some of her nieces and nephew's. My cousins offer her a home to live in and full-time. Healthcare with them all she has to do is stop smoking and take her medication the way she should. That is a no go for her. Of course, she has smoked my whole life, which I understand it is an addiction but when it comes down to your livelihood, I think she would want to make the sacrifice of keeping some of her ability to be independent while having the help she needs.The way she won't even go to the neurology appointments or physical therapy that she has been assigned.
Our latest blow up has been over in the span of two months I got into a relationship with my friend of three years turned boyfriend, I lost my job and the saddest part my close cousin lost his inner fight. This kicked up this narrative in her that I should be more appreciative of the family I have instead of trying to prioritize other people particularly men over my mother. The harassing phone calls and text messages have begun again. It's to the point where I just want to change my number. I'm a unloving child that I would rather be laid up under a man than with my dying mother. I'd regret not seeing my momma. The guilt would eat me alive before I realized I didnt have family anymore. You have tons of men and jobs but you got one mother don't waste it. I'm unemployed an have nothing better to do come see your momma you must not love me. See what happened to your cosuin thats why you need to be checking on family instead of being out and about( that part she said at the dinner we had before his funeral, her older sister quickly told her thats not a childs job to stay under their parent their whole life. Once several of her cousins and even my uncle who's son we are grieving agreed she was quite for a few weeks) the list of shit she has said goes on and on.
I've been unemployed for about 2 weeks now and got a job through one of my friends running his business while he's away on a trip. It's in my mother's neighborhood. So I stopped by there to check on her. The first thing at her mouth was. It's nice to know you remember you had a mother. Then she proceeds on a fifteen minute tirade of I must have been too busy getting dicked down to come check on her knowing that she has a ingrown toenail infection. My lease is ending soon. So I need to figure out if I'm moving home or not because she needs help. What was I going to do if they chopped her feet off? I tried to stay cordial and be as unaffected as I possibly could, by just reminding her that I couldn't stay long that I have been trying to get a job (I'm sure we all know life is expensive and I can't be unemployed for long even though my boyfriend has offered to take care of me. I still like being able to be independent.) I told her it was getting late and I needed to go balance his books before. It was too late to turn them in. She then screamed at me. It's not gonna kill you to sit down and rub my f****** foot. I did it and quite huffy too. I have not answered her phone calls since I left.
I feel so guilty that no one should have to die alone or feel like they are unloved. But with the same respect every time I come over to do anything for her even before she was sick. There would be something that I was not doing properly for her to be called out of my name to be screamed at to be mentally and emotionally punished. Because I am not in awe of my mother. I love her because she is my mother but if she were a person I met on the street and had to endure just a drop of the stuff that she has said done and will not take accountability for. I wouldn't want to speak to her for the rest of my life.
I have personally out-of-pocket. Paid tons of money for therapy just to get to the point of realizing that this isnt my fault. That has absolutely nothing to do with me, something or someone caused the breakdown of her internally.
Side note my mother's parents were phenomenal people. They contributed to the level of love and compassion that my sister and I were able to keep within ourselves. My Nannie and Pawpaw never met a stranger. When I say love was grown in my grandparents house. I mean it from the ground up. Every holiday, we would have about twenty to thirty people show up to participate and just being together because of my grandparents, sense of community and giving. I stuck by my Pawpaw like glue and JJ loved my Nannie to death.My Pawpaw passed from cancer right before freshman year of high school and Nannie was never the same she passed four years after I graduated. Really do credit them with being the foundation of trying to undo the nature and nurture of my mother.
I am truly sorry for being all over the place. I just wrote it out as it came back to my mind.
So aitah for not wanting to move home and take care of her?

I'm not a huge fan of the 'Commendatori' episode (or any episode that pulls the cast away from the primary setting), but overall its a very interesting episode and its an important part of the storyline.
The best part of the episode is Annalisa. In my opinion, she's the most attractive woman in the entire series. Just stunning. That scene where she's driving golf balls into the water - just eye popping.
What I like most is that Tony underestimates her she ends up being a great leader and he's the one that can't keep up. You can tell that it's weighing on him in the car at the airport and on the way home - almost like Buyer's remorse. When he tells the team they did real good business wise, it sounds more like he's trying to convince himself, not others.
Annalisa proves to be an impressive leader with strong instincts and a formidable negotiator. And she's able to exhibit her influence very discretely - playing Tony without his knowledge.
One example is Tony trying to take a hard line when she wants to talk business over dinner. He says his mind is made up. All she does is shoot him a cute flirty smile and he immediately says he'll be right down. She picks up on this.
Another example is when Tony tries to hit on her - she rebuffs his advances. She does this for several reasons but she knows this would be disruptive and bad for business. Also, now that Tony made his move and she rebuffed him, she now has assumed a dominant position of control. Later, in the cave, she knows Tony wants her and uses it to negotiate. She gives him starry eyes and asks if he fantasizes about her. Then, when she comes down on the price, she already has Tony on the hook - he looks and sounds almost like a teenage boy and immediately buckles and agrees. Once she has what she wants, she gives Tony a cold handshake and walks away - reverting to control again.
Annalisa is smart, charming and possesses all the 'old school / loyalty' traits Tony was complaining are missing with crews in the states. And she's beautiful. I recall seeing Sofia Milos in an episode of 'Curb Your Enthusiam' - I think it was actually the pilot maybe? It was shot literally within months of the Commendatori episode so she looks virtually identical but doesn't have the accent.

my 4.5mo mini american shepherd has been resource guarding high value stuff but it came to head last night when he was straight up growling after he vomited and i wanted to move him away. we were on my bed so i just ended up kicking the blanket over it before grabbing treats to lure him away (luckily his recall is strong so he listened).
previously, i’d only noticed RG once when he didn’t want me getting close to his chew—he didn’t growl, but he did grab it and walk away whenever i got too close. i tried tossing him cheese without looking his way but he was more interested in making sure i wasn’t trying to take the chew.
the other instances of RG occurred when i wasn’t at home (my family watches him as well; i’m afraid that they might’ve inadvertently encouraged it). the first time was when my dad was trying to help him with his puzzle feeder and my puppy snapped at him in warning. a few days later, he bit my brother when he tried wrestling a piece of fabric out of his mouth. we had no issue getting stuff out of his mouth before (rocks mostly) but i completely stopped doing that after i heard what happened. then, last night he vomited several times before i got home and all three times he was also RG—my mom said he wanted to bite her but she was able to distract him. i know they yelled at him after bc that’s how they think they’re supposed to discipline puppies but i feel like it probably made it worse :(
since i’ve first noticed the issue i’ve done a few desensitization exercises with his toys but i’m worried about this escalating too quick for us to deal with. we do have a private training session scheduled for next week, but it’s not with a specialized behaviorist or anything. i never dealt with this with my last dog as he was incredibly mellow, so i wanted to ask if this is something i should be very concerned about (more than i already am anyway 😭)? he’s a very happy go lucky puppy otherwise: wicked smart, incredibly food motivated, loves to cuddle and play.
also wanted to add that he is FINE in regards to the vomiting. he’s napping beside me rn.

My dad has had some of the most bonkers things happen to him. It's like he has lived a thousand lives in his 58 years on earth. He must have someone watching over him because he has escaped death so many times. Anyway, this happened long before I was even a thought. He was a twenty something who grew up in a small town in the PNW. He had a best friend who is still his best friend to this day, named Tim.
There was a little tiny town called Avery about 45 minutes outside of the town they lived in. The road to get there was a curved, but paved road that they had driven 100 times before. The indicator for the half way point was a small ranger station. That will be important for later. Tim and my dad being 20 something adrenaline junkies decide they wanted to scale a 100 foot, straight up, jagged rock face on the side of the road. They parked the car and started up. My dad decided to hike up the back of it while Tim scaled the mountain like a Billie goat. My dad made it to the top before Tim did. He looked down and saw that Tim was almost at to the top and Tim reached out his hand asking for assistance to haul him over the last little hiccup. He hauled Tim up to safety just as the rocks slipped out from under where my dad stood. He fell before he even realized what had happened. My dad recalls colliding with the rocks below on the way down and feeling the impact of all of them. The next thing he remembered he was on the ground 100 feet below. He heard the horrified screams of Tim but felt no pain.
Time was screaming from above,
"Oh my god Del, you're gonna die, you're gonna die we have to get you help!!"
My dad, realizing the severity of what had just happened and also realized that his friend was of no use. Tim was inconsolable and it would take him far too long to get down from where he stood. My dad needed help and quickly. So he stood up and began to walk. Still feeling no pain, he walked a mile to the ranger station to try and find someone to help him. This was a time with no cell phones and he didn't have a radio or anything to reach anyone. Miraculously, he made it to the ranger station and collapsed. HE said he remembered the poor woman who sat at the front desk turned white as a sheet. They called for life flight and a helicopter airlifted him from the ranger station to the hospital. He was conscious once in the air and only complained about pain in his big toe. That was the least of his injuries. He had a vein sticking out of his head, spraying blood everywhere. His arm and collarbone were broken and his big toe was obliterated. My dad made a full recovery and has no lasting affects other than an killer ice breaker story and a traumatized best friend. He and Tim are still best friends to this day and they now laugh at the event.

My father is on anticoagulants ("blood thinners") for heart issues. He recently got a dental implant from a dentist he has seen for other work. He spoke with the dentist ahead of time regarding all of his meds and what would be needed before the procedure. The dentist reached out to his cardiologist and told my dad he did not have to stop taking his meds at all.
Hours after getting the post implanted, he was still bleeding profusely from his mouth. He called the dentist who told him to go to the ER and that they would pay the bill. The ER doctor tried using tea bags, an injection to constrict the blood vessels, and super glue, none of which stopped the bleeding. Eventually they covered the post with bone wax and sent my dad home several hours later in the middle of the night.
For the following week, my dad had a severe migraine and couldn't work, watch TV, or anything. Due to interactions with his heart meds, the only pain medicine he can ever take is Tylenol. So he was basically miserable for a solid week straight. He went to urgent care to make sure nothing was wrong and after a few tests, it was thought the headaches were due to anemia from blood loss.
My dad got a copy of the records sent from his cardiologist to the dentist, and it did in fact say that the anticoagulants needed to be stopped before getting the implant. In his follow-up appt, the dentist admitted it was their mistake.
Does it seems worth it to consult with a lawyer and possibly sue, or just allow the dentist to pay his medical bills (which have already gone through insurance)? My dad is getting ready to retire and does not have much money to spare, so just trying to calculate the benefits vs costs of suing.
It is worth noting my dad lives alone in a different state than me or any of my siblings, although I am the closest. He has had serious heart concerns for over 20 years that started with a quintuple bypass. Anytime he has a health issue, there is very real fear that something worse could happen. For example, he had heart pains about a year ago and had to go in for an angiogram. I drove up there to help him and drive to/from the hospital. He only ended up needing a stent put in, but days before, he walked me through how all of his financial accounts are set up and everything I would need to do if he died. He called me before going to the ER and I could tell he was feeling the same fears. Just trying to say this caused him a lot of panic and anxiety that were easily avoidable by the dentist.
Thanks for any input!

Location: Northwest Periphery(Gal.Purgal-SP), medium density, mostly households and small businesses.
Normalcy Scale: N/A, C, E, C, “hoarding”, “ritualistic”, “mechanical”.

Note: We can never forget our roots.
I first saw Mr. and Mrs. Lemos when I was really young, three weeks after my fifth birthday. The first thing you notice about them is that they are very short, as old people get when their backs hunch forward and their bodies shrink due to overall lower water levels, always carrying huge bags of recyclable material and other kinds of trash that they collected from around town.
The second thing you catch is the smell, oh the smell.
I was walking to my house after getting some last minute groceries for my mom on a little market down the street. I was sipping a cola can from a plastic straw, making that kind of noise when the can is almost empty, trying to catch the last few drops of soda. Mr. Lemos approached me from behind, waving a big wood cane he carried around, signaling me to hand over my can so he could throw it in his bag.
I was immediately startled. He had pale milky eyes and a tan from walking all day long under the sun.
“Sorry I haven't finished yet.” I said, still sipping on the straw.
He then proceeded to smack me in the head with the cane and take the tin can from my hands before waving like a maniac, showing his teeth like a dog would.
I ran home that day, crying in fear of being bitten by an old man. Mom said I was fine after inspecting my bruising, but advised me that Mr. Lemos was a little bit crazy, and not to mess with him or his wife.
"What does he do with the stuff they collect?" I whimpered while holding a bag of ice over my head.
"They bring it all over their house down the street and gather it. Sometimes the sanitary vigilance have to sneak in there when they are not at home to pick up the stuff when there is too much of it."
”Why do they need to sneak?”
Mom stared at the wall for a second, trying to remember details. After pausing for a bit and looking out the window she stated.
“If I recall, one time they attacked the sanitary agent when they got too close to their trash.”
Mom was always a big fan of gossip. She had made friends with all the old aunties in town, or so I imagined. Their network of news and speculation always had time to make its way into my ears now and then.
I made no trouble about the old hoarders in the neighborhood, other than throwing them some of our cans and paperboards when they asked for it. But then when I was ten, sometime around middle July, I rode my bike too far and stumbled upon their place around 5:45 PM.
It was a small old brickwork house, with a flat ceiling probably still made from asbestos. Their lawn was dead, piles upon piles of cardboard, used tires and styrofoam containers were spread all around. Behind the house I could see a thin yellow leafed tree, with CDs hanging from strings like a christmas decoration.
Curiosity got the best of me. I waited to see if I could spot movement, minutes later I watched as Mrs. Lemos entered the place and all of a sudden, all the lights turned off. All but a single dwindling, almost candle like light, that came from a window positioned up too high.
What I heard from inside was a kind of chanting, similar to the ones I've heard from the church, sung loud and proud by the couple. During the singing, another sound caught my attention. I began to catch grinding noises, accompanied by a metal on metal clatter.
As the singing got louder, a most unbearable scratching noise emanated from there, as if someone had broken and dragged a chalk on a board. Sounded like they were trying to move a thing too large for that room, dragging it, moving it around in an erratic manner.
The noise stopped as soon as the song reached its peak. I heard a digital clock beeping sound then everything went to silence as the single weak light was left to disappear.
End of note.

Description:
Odd N.1 was a couple of elderly human beings by the names of Rogério Cavalcante Lemos (79) and Maria Auxiliadora Paz Lemos (76), approximately 1.5m tall (4 '9 ft, i will use only meters from now on), that lived in an old house inside a large residential neighborhood. They both appeared to be suffering from various medical conditions that caused impediments of vision, mobility, hearing and speaking, including cataracts, kyphosis, bunions and several skin and dental conditions due to overall lack of hygiene.
Both individuals had presented hoarding behavior for several years, with a deep fixation in the accumulation and gathering of recyclable materials, used tires, broken pieces of wood and overall trash. Due to this, they were always carrying several large plastic garbage bags, in a huge basket made from intertwined straw.
Everyday at 5:00 (5 AM, for God's sake just learn your clocks), Mr. and Mrs. Lemos left their home and began walking around the blocks looking for trash bins, discarded stuff or any other material sources.
Upon approaching any amount of trash, both would keep their eyes fixated on the subject, even when being carried by other people. If opportunity was made present they would make their way to the objects and pick them up, storing it inside the bags.
It is of note that they appeared to segregate objects by type and size, like you would do when sorting recyclables, giving special attention to any electronic devices even if broken.
If impeded to reach an object of interest or directly confronted by others, both would become distressed, profering insults, throwing objects and even biting or scratching in an oddly animalistic behavior.
At the end of the day, both individuals would congregate in their house, made from simple masonry, with windows blocked by nets and wood boards in a manner on which those inside could see outside but not vice versa. They then proceeded to engage in a kind of religious ritual that consisted in loud singing under a faded light in a room closer to the street than the rest of the house.
During these 15 minutes they would sing famous lyrics from both evangelical and catholic churches including “Aleluia”, “Hosana” and many others seemingly at random. Close to the end of the ritual, loud grinding, buzzing and banging noises could be heard from inside, suggesting that something was being dragged across the room or that maybe something was being assembled inside by the usage of hammers, drills or other tools.
This exact same behavior was observed everyday for over 40 years, independently of climate conditions or health status of the individuals, with eventual changes in the contents of the singing.
The Lemos had no living relatives and their son Zacarias Cavalcante Lemos had perished in a car accident in 1978, at the age of 7. The only other person ever allowed to enter the Lemos household was pastor Elias Lopes (80), from the local evangelical pastoral. Elias saw Rogério and Maria Auxiliadora as friends and members of his flock, bringing them various CDs containing gospel songs and lectures about the bible, God, Jesus and his apostles.
Mr. and Mrs. Lemos perished in the morning of ██/██/2024. A police squad was sent to their house to retrieve the bodies following complaints from a neighbor. The residence that they lived in for over 50 years was demolished a few days later. The rubble was carried over to the local landfill.
All that stood in the lot was a thin yellow ipe tree.

Short answer: He needs a drink.
Long answer:

• Strike is no longer in retreat. If he'd holed up in his office or gone back to his flat (if nothing else, to change out of the somber suit he wore to his luncheon with Amelia), he would appear to be withdrawing, and that's not who Strike is at the end of TRG.
• The case file he takes with him is a surrogate for Robin, just as it was a surrogate for Strike when Robin appeared to be taking it with her on her weekend with Murphy. The file represents the unique connection between the business partners, and it's a way for Strike to prolong his contact with Robin.
• I'd like to argue that by taking the file across the office boundary and into a social setting, Strike is taking his relationship with Robin public. But I think the Flying Horse is to some degree an extension of the office. In either case, it's definitely the last place where Strike bested Murphy. So while Murphy appears to have won the "prize" by escorting Robin out of the office in TRG's final scene, Strike evens things up by returning to the place where Murphy departed alone and somewhat disgruntled, and Robin and Strike remained together (after that meeting with the Met detectives).
• It potentially sets the scene for the opening of the next book. If Robin immediately returns, as so many of us hope, it makes a difference where she returns. If Strike had gone back to his office, they wouldn't have enough privacy, what with Pat there and the office phone ringing, etc. If he'd gone back to his flat, there'd be too much privacy. (Sorry, shippers, but I don't think HM is going to open with a sex scene.) (Though maybe I've jinxed that by saying so!) The Flying Horse is the goldilocks solution, neither too distracting nor too private.
• If Strike actually reads Robin's notes, it could mark the first time a case carries over from the previous book. If JKR doesn't hit the ground running with the next Strellacott encounter (which I'd prefer) then she may effectively put romance on the back burner by creating a sense of urgency around the new case. There could be something in her notes that alarms Strike, who knows far more of the backstory than Robin does. While we've never before had a case carry over from a previous book, we've also never before had a previous book end with so many specific details about a new case, including a character we've met before. (In case you couldn't tell, I am so hoping for a book that ramps up the continuity from past books.)
• Dominic Culpepper might show up at the Flying Horse instead of (or in addition to?) Robin. TRG saw three different people temporarily sitting across from Strike in a pub (Littlejohn, Bijou and Pat) and if someone else takes that vacant seat, it would be a small signal of that continuity I'm hoping for. Culpepper, sleazy tabloid journo that he is, would know Strike's habits and might choose to confront him at the Flying Horse.

I'm actually warming up to that last possibility. We know JKR likes to change things up in each book, and I don't think we've ever started with a new case immediately taking center stage. (In a sense, CoE did, starting immediately with the shocking delivery of a severed leg, but that was not, strictly speaking, a case as there was no paying client.) As far as I know, Robin has never met Culpepper and doesn't know Strike was sleeping with his cousin Nina in SW and (as even Strike admits to himself) treated her shabbily. Strike told her a little about Culpepper, but not that! (Geez, what if it was Nina who had Strike's baby!?!?!) All Robin knows is that Culpepper, who has married into the aristocracy, is sleeping with the cricketer's estranged wife and printing trash about the cricketer.
When you think about it, all previous plots to take down the agency have relied on negative press, particularly tabloid press. Laing relied on it in CoE, Jago Ross relied on it in TIBH. Patterson, Inc. relied on it in TRG. Maybe the next book will cut out the middle man and have an existential threat to the agency come directly from the tabloid press itself in the person of Dominic Culpepper and the rag he works for, News of the World. If you recall, Culpepper is not the only journalist who knows about Strike and Nina. In TRG, Strike met with Fergus Robertson, who'd published a story about the UHC, and Strike played dumb when Robertson asked him about it.
I am so ready for a CoE-style book, heavy on backstory and emotion and shocking revelations. Culpepper--whose profession is revealing other people's secrets--might be just the antagonist to provide it.

UTICA — The Oneida County History Center, 1608 Genesee St., will host Michael Fisher’s Civil War program “Decimated: The 146th NY at The Battle of the Wilderness” at 2 p.m. Saturday, May 4.
May 2024 marks the 160th anniversary of the Battle of the Wilderness. The casualties were high with almost half of the enlisted men and officers becoming casualties. The 146th New York Volunteers from Oneida County had several soldiers among the injured and captured.
This program by Fisher will share the personal stories of these men and emphasize the terrible consequences of this deadly Civil War battle.
The 146th New York State Volunteers was a unit raised in Oneida County. In the fall of 1862 the troops crossed the Rapidan River in Virginia with the Army of the Potomac. Over the next two days, the 146th would engage with the Confederates in horrific field conditions and suffer the highest number of casualties the 146th saw in the entire war.
Fischer is a historian based in Jewell. His family history includes ancestors who lived in Utica, including a great-granduncle who was captured at The Battle of Wilderness.
Oneida County History Center is a private 501©(3) not-for-profit educational institution dedicated to preserving the history, heritage, and culture of the Greater Mohawk Valley for present and future generations. Admission to this program is free for the general public; donations are encouraged.
For more information, contact the History Center at 315-735-3642 or visit oneidacountyhistory.org.
​
https://www.romesentinel.com/ce/civil-war-program-utica-recalls-battle-wilderness/article_29779632-fda3-11ee-8bc6-d7196c75e79b.html
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Hey guys,
Recently diagnosed with subclinical hypothyroidism. For now I am bordeline with Hashi (not officially in the range but near). So my Dr suggested me lifestyle changes to see if I’d feel any difference i.e, more sleep, more rest time (since I felt awful bc my vitamin D levels were on the floor) and getting rid of gluten.
Turns out I feel less joint pain AND my bowel movements are great so far. No bloating, not feeling stuffed, regular stools (I used to get diarrhea and yellow stool) very mild constipation before my period comes, my stomach is more flat, etc.
My concern is the following: 9 years ago due to weightloss & blood in my stool I went through a biopsy and blood test. It came out negative so they told me “its IBS you will be fine within a couple of months”. However before the biopsy my menu was rice+potatoes+eggs+apples + bananas + chicken and yogurt. It is the only thing that would settle in my stomach. I do recall this well because my brother used to mock me with my rice intake…
Anyway it yook me two years and a good nutritionist to recover the weight and I completely changed my eating habits, meaning, I only would eat gluten occasionally. My nutritionist told me I was eating a lot of processed carbs therefore I had to switch some habits. So for the last 8 years I was eating pizza once a week: a whole pizza. And that time a) I’d get diarrhea or b) severe bloating and cramps, followed by lethargy. Of course I always thought I had those symptoms because of the amount of pizza I ate.
But I have retired gluten since November 2023. I accidentally ate a bit in December and I got a mild diarrhea. But last Saturday I ate two slices of pizza and I haven’t recovered yet. I have been throwing up and with diarrhea for most of the days. Slowly but it seems like I can eat normal again.
I am worried tbh. The biopsy was negative years ago. It’s true I was not eating gluten the weeks prior to the test though.
What I don’t understand is why my reaction is way worse now than when I was having gluten on a daily basis and with greater amounts of it.
What’s wrong? Could it be thyroid related too?