As Reddit doesn't allow posts to exceed 40,000 characters, Eastwood's edition had to be split into two parts because his whole career cannot be ignored. The second part will be posted tomorrow.

Here's a new edition of "Directors at the Box Office", which seeks to explore the directors' trajectory at the box office and analyze their hits and bombs. I already talked about a few, and as I promised, it's Clint Eastwood's turn.
Eastwood was a troublemaker at school, and he had a bunch of odd jobs such as lifeguard, paper carrier, grocery clerk, forest firefighter, and golf caddy. In 1951, he was drafted into the United States Army during the Korean War and was discharged two years later. Through this, he got into contact with a Hollywood representative, who got him into acting classes and started his acting career. He got his start by starring in the hit show Rawhide, but he said he was exhausted by the experience. This caught the attention of some film producers and he decided to act in films directed by the then-unknown Sergio Leone. His career was on the rise, and then he got the chance to make his directorial debut.
From a box office perspective, how reliable was he to deliver a box office hit?
That's the point of this post. To analyze his career.

It should be noted that as he started his career in the 1970s, some of the domestic grosses here will be adjusted by inflation. The table with his highest grossing films, however, will be left in its unadjusted form, as the worldwide grosses are more difficult to adjust.

Play Misty for Me (1971)

"The scream you hear may be your own!"
His directorial debut. It stars Eastwood, Jessica Walter and Donna Mills, and follows a radio disc jockey being stalked by an obsessed female fan.
Before his colleague Irving Leonard died, he and Eastwood had discussed the idea of producing a film that was to give Eastwood the artistic control he desired, and his debut as a director. Eastwood said he was ready, "I stored away all the mistakes I made and saved up all the good things I learned, and now I know enough to control my own projects and get what I want out of actors."
The film was a huge success for Eastwood, and it also received positive reviews. So far, his directorial career was off to a great start.

• Budget: $950,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $10,600,000. ($81.7 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $10,600,000.
  

High Plains Drifter (1973)

"They'd never forget the day he drifted into town."
His second film. The film stars Eastwood, Verna Bloom and Mariana Hill, and follows a mysterious stranger who metes out justice in a corrupt frontier mining town.
Eastwood reportedly liked the offbeat quality of the film's original nine-page proposal and approached Universal with the idea of directing it, which would make it his first directed Western. The screenplay was inspired by the real-life murder of Kitty Genovese in Queens in 1964, which eyewitnesses reportedly stood by and watched. Holes in the plot were filled in with black humor and allegory, influenced by Sergio Leone.
It was well received, and the film even surpassed Play Misty for Me at the box office. Eastwood was just going up.

• Budget: $5,500,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $15,700,000. ($110.4 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $15,700,000.
  

Breezy (1973)

"Her name is Breezy."
His third film. It stars William Holden and Kay Lenz, and follows the relationship between a middle-aged real estate agent and a young hitchhiker.
This was his first directed film without starring on it. And his lack of presence certainly hurt the film; it received mixed reviews and flopped at the box office.

• Budget: $750,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $200,000. ($1.4 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $217,753.
  

The Eiger Sanction (1975)

"His lifeline, held by the assassin he hunted."
His fourth film. Based on the novel by Trevanian, the film stars Eastwood, George Kennedy, Vonetta McGee, and Jack Cassidy. It follows Jonathan Hemlock, an art history professor, mountain climber, and former assassin once employed by a secret government agency, who is blackmailed into returning to his deadly profession for one last mission.
The film received mixed reactions for its writing, and it wasn't a box office success either.

• Budget: $9,000,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $14,200,000. ($82.4 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $14,200,000.
  

The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976)

"An army of one."
His fifth film. Based on the novel Gone to Texas by Forrest Carter, it stars Eastwood, Chief Dan George, Sondra Locke, Bill McKinney and John Vernon. The film tells the story of Josey Wales, a Missouri farmer whose family is murdered by Union militia during the Civil War. Driven to revenge, Wales joins a Confederate guerrilla band and makes a name for himself as a feared gunfighter. After the war, all the fighters in Wales' group except for him surrender to Union soldiers, but the Confederates end up being massacred. Wales becomes an outlaw and is pursued by bounty hunters and Union soldiers as he tries to make a new life for himself.
Eastwood was fascinated by the novel and he bought the film rights, hoping to star on the film. He got Philip Kaufman involved as screenwriter and possible director, but left after disagreeing with Eastwood in the material adapted to the screen. Kaufman insisted on filming with a meticulous attention to detail, which caused disagreements with Eastwood, not to mention the attraction the two shared towards Locke and apparent jealousy on Kaufman's part in regard to their emerging relationship. This caused Eastwood to take over as the director. Kaufman's firing angered the DGA, as he did most of the pre-production, and sanctioning a $60,000 fine. This resulted in the Director's Guild passing a new rule, known as "the Eastwood Rule", which prohibits an actor or producer from firing the director and then personally taking on the director's role.
The film received critical acclaim, and in subsequent years, is ranked among Eastwood's greatest films. It was also a huge success at the box office, doubling his previous highest grossing film. It was also one of the few Western films to receive critical and commercial success in the 1970s at a time when the Western was thought to be dying as a major genre in Hollywood.

• Budget: $3,700,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $31,800,000. ($174.5 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $31,800,000.
  

The Gauntlet (1977)

"The man in the middle of..."
His sixth film. It stars Eastwood, Sondra Locke, Pat Hingle, William Prince, Bill McKinney, and Mara Corday. It follows a down-and-out cop who falls in love with a prostitute, to whom he is assigned to escort from Las Vegas to Phoenix for her to testify against the mob.
While it received mixed reviews, it became another box office success for Eastwood, becoming his now highest grossing film.

• Budget: $5,500,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $35,400,000. ($182.4 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $35,400,000.
  

Bronco Billy (1980)

"The most outrageous of 'em all."
His seventh film. The film stars Eastwood and Sondra Locke, and focuses on the financially-struggling owner of a traditional Wild West show and his new assistant.
It became another critical and commercial success for Eastwood, who referred to the film as one of his most affable shoots of his career.

• Budget: $6,500,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $24,265,659. ($91.9 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $24,265,659.
  

Firefox (1982)

"The most devastating killing machine ever built... his job... steal it!"
His eighth film. Based on the novel by Craig Thomas, it stars Eastwood, Freddie Jones and David Huffman. The Soviets have developed a revolutionary new jet fighter, called "Firefox". Naturally, the British are worried that the jet will be used as a first-strike weapon, as rumors say that the jet is undetectable on radar. They send ex-Vietnam War pilot Mitchell Gant on a covert mission into the Soviet Union to steal the Firefox.
The film received mixed reviews, but it earned almost $47 million, becoming Eastwood's highest grossing title as director.

• Budget: $21,000,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $46,708,276. ($151.1 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $46,708,276.
  

Honkytonk Man (1982)

"The boy is on his way to becoming a man. The man is on his way to becoming a legend."
His ninth film. It's based on the novel by Clancy Carlile, and it stars Eastwood and his son Kyle. It follows Red Stovall, a country music singer and composer. With his nephew Whit by his side, he travels to Nashville to perform at the Grand Ole Opry in the backdrop of the Great Depression.
While the film received acclaim, it earned just $4.4 million, becoming his second worst performer.

• Budget: $2,000,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $4,484,991. ($14.5 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $4,484,991.
  

Sudden Impact (1983)

"Dirty Harry is at it again."
His tenth film. The fourth installment in the Dirty Harry series, directed, it stars Eastwood and Sondra Locke. The film tells the story of a gang rape victim who decides to seek revenge on her rapists 10 years after the attack by killing them one by one. Inspector Harry Callahan, famous for his unconventional and often brutal crime-fighting tactics, is tasked with tracking down the serial killer.
The film received mixed reviews from critics, but it earned over $150 million worldwide, Eastwood's first film to pass that milestone. It's also very popular for including the iconic catchphrase, "Go ahead, make my day."

• Budget: $22,000,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $67,642,693. ($212.1 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $150,642,693.
  

Tightrope (1984)

"A cop on the edge..."
His 11th film. It stars Eastwood, Geneviève Bujold, Dan Hedaya, Alison Eastwood and Jennifer Beck, and follows a detective determined to hunt down a sadomasochistic serial killer of prostitutes.
The film became another critical and commercial success for Eastwood.

• Budget: N/A.
  
• Domestic gross: $48,143,579. ($144.7 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $48,143,579.
  

Pale Rider (1985)

"...And Hell followed with him."
His 12th film. It stars Eastwood, Michael Moriarty and Carrie Snodgress. A couple and their daughter, along with a few others, are driven out of Lahood, California, by goons working for a mining baron. However, a stranger enters their life to assist them in their fight.
There was no stopping Eastwood: another critical and commercial success.

• Budget: $6,900,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $41,410,568. ($120.2 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $41,410,568.
  

Heartbreak Ridge (1986)

"The scars run deep."
His 13th film. It stars Eastwood, Marsha Mason, Everett McGill, and Mario Van Peebles. The story centers on a U.S. Marine nearing retirement who gets a platoon of undisciplined Marines into shape and leads them during the American invasion of Grenada in 1983.
The film was inspired by an account of American paratroopers of the 82nd Airborne Division using a pay telephone and a credit card to call in fire support during the invasion of Grenada, and fashioned a script of a Korean War veteran career Army non-commissioned officer passing on his values to a new generation of soldiers. Eastwood was interested in the script and asked his producer, Fritz Manes, to contact the US Army with a view of filming the movie at Fort Bragg. However, the Army read the script and refused to participate, due to Highway being portrayed as a hard drinker, divorced from his wife, and using unapproved motivational methods to his troops, an image the Army did not want.
It received mixed reviews, with some deeming the film as "imperialist propaganda". But it was still another box office success.

• Budget: $15,000,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $42,724,017. ($121.7 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $121,700,000.
  

Bird (1988)

"There are no second acts in American lives."
His 14th film. The film stars Forest Whitaker and Diane Venora. It is constructed as a montage of scenes from saxophonist Charlie Parker's life, from his childhood in Kansas City, through his early death at the age of 34.
Eastwood, a lifelong fan of jazz, had been fascinated by Parker ever since seeing him perform live in Oakland in 1946. He approached Chan Parker, Bird's common-law wife on whose memoirs the script was based, for input, and she lent Eastwood and arranger Lennie Niehaus a collection of recordings from her private collection Before Eastwood was involved, Richard Pryor was originally cast as Parker.
Despitive positive reviews, it performed poorly, earning just $2.2 million in North America.

• Budget: $14,000,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $2,181,286. ($5.7 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $2,181,286.
  

White Hunter Black Heart (1990)

"An adventure in obsession."
His 15th film. Based on the novel by Peter Viertel, it stars Eastwood, Jeff Fahey, George Dzundza, Alun Armstrong and Marisa Berenson. It follows a famous movie director, John Wilson, who goes to Africa to make his next movie. He is an obstinate, contrary director who'd rather hunt elephants than take care of his crew or movie. He has become obsessed with one particular elephant and cares for nothing else.
Despite positive reviews, it made just $2.3 million domestically, not even 10% of the budget.

• Budget: $24,000,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $2,319,124. ($5.5 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $2,319,124.
  

The Rookie (1990)

His 16th film. The film stars Eastwood, Charlie Sheen, Raul Julia, Sônia Braga, Lara Flynn Boyle, and Tom Skerritt. It follows a veteran police officer teamed up with a younger detective, whose intent is to take down a German crime lord in downtown Los Angeles, following months of investigation into an exotic car theft ring.
It received negative reviews for its acting and story, and it became another flop for Eastwood. That's three bombs in a row. Ouch.

• Budget: $30,000,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $21,633,874. ($51.6 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $21,633,874.
  

Unforgiven (1992)

"Some legends will never be forgotten. Some wrongs can never be forgiven."
His 17th film. It stars Eastwood, Gene Hackman, Richard Harris and Morgan Freeman. It follows William Munny, a widower with two young kids, who was once a very vicious gunfighter who gave up everything after marriage. Now, a man named Schofield Kid brings him an offer that he cannot refuse, forcing him to come out of retirement for one last job.
David Webb Peoples wrote the script all the way back to 1976, and it was optioned by Francis Ford Coppola, but he lacked the funds needed to helm it. By Eastwood's own recollection, he was given the script in the "early 80s" although he did not immediately pursue it, because, according to him, "I thought I should do some other things first". Eastwood has long asserted that the film would be his last traditional Western, concerned that any future projects would simply rehash previous plotlines or imitate someone else's work. He dedicated the film to his close friends and mentors Sergio Leone and Don Siegel. Hackman initially refused to participate as his daughters were upset that he was starring in too many violent films, but he became fascinated by the script that he agreed.
It opened with $15 million and it legged all the way to $100 million after playing for almost one year, closing with $159 million worldwide, his now highest grossing film. The film received Eastwood's best reviews of his career, with many considering the film as his magnum opus as director. It received 9 Oscar nominations, and won four: Best Picture and Best Director for Eastwood, Best Supporting Actor for Hackman, and Best Film Editing. So Eastwood, on top of being a reliable box office draw, was now a 2-time Oscar winner.

• Budget: $14,400,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $101,167,799. ($225.2 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $159,167,799.
  

A Perfect World (1993)

His 18th film. Kevin Costner, Eastwood and Laura Dern, and follows an escaped convict who takes a young boy hostage and attempts to escape on the road with the child, while being pursued by a Texas Ranger.
The film received critical acclaim, and has appeared as one of Eastwood's best films. The film disappointed in North America, but it earned up to $100 million overseas (Eastwood's first film to gross that much) and ended with $135 million worldwide.

• Budget: $30,000,000.
  
• Domestic gross: $31,130,999. ($67.2 million adjusted)
  
• Worldwide gross: $135,130,999.
  

MOVIES (FROM HIGHEST GROSSING TO LEAST GROSSING)

No.	Movie	Year	Studio	Domestic Total	Overseas Total	Worldwide Total	Budget
x	Unforgiven	1992	Warner Bros.	$101,167,799	$58,000,000	$159,167,799	$14.4M
x	Sudden Impact	1983	Warner Bros.	$67,642,693	$83,000,000	$150,642,693	$22M
x	A Perfect World	1993	Warner Bros.	$31,130,999	$104,000,000	$135,130,999	$30M
x	Heartbreak Ridge	1986	Warner Bros.	$42,724,017	$78,975,983	$121,700,000	$15M
x	Tightrope	1984	Warner Bros.	$48,143,579	$0	$48,143,579	N/A
x	Firefox	1982	Warner Bros.	$46,708,276	$0	$46,708,276	$21M
x	Pale Rider	1985	Warner Bros.	$41,410,568	$0	$41,410,568	$6.9M
x	The Gauntlet	1977	Warner Bros.	$35,400,000	$0	$35,400,000	$5.5M
x	The Outlaw Josey Wales	1976	Warner Bros.	$31,800,000	$0	$31,800,000	$3.7M
x	Bronco Billy	1980	Warner Bros.	$24,265,659	$0	$24,265,659	$6.5M
x	The Rookie	1990	Warner Bros.	$21,633,874	$0	$21,633,874	$30M
x	High Plains Drifter	1973	Universal	$15,700,000	$0	$15,700,000	$5.5M
x	The Eiger Sanction	1975	Universal	$14,200,000	$0	$14,200,000	$9M
x	Play Misty for Me	1971	Universal	$10,600,000	$0	$10,600,000	$950K
x	Honkytonk Man	1982	Warner Bros.	$4,484,991	$0	$4,484,991	$2M
x	White Hunter Black Heart	1990	Warner Bros.	$2,319,124	$0	$2,319,124	$24M
x	Bird	1988	Warner Bros.	$2,181,286	$0	$2,181,286	$14M
x	Breezy	1973	Universal	$200,000	$17,753	$217,753	$750K

The Verdict

Hope you liked this edition. You can find this and more in the wiki for this section.
The next director will be Robert Zemeckis. One of the biggest falls from grace.
I asked you to choose who else should be in the run and the comment with the most upvotes would be chosen. It had to be a controversial filmmaker. Well, we'll later talk about... Zack Snyder. Oh, BoxOffice chose fuego 🔥
This is the schedule for the following four:

Week	Director	Reasoning
May 20-26	Robert Zemeckis	Can we get old Zemeckis back?
May 27-June 2	Richard Donner	An influential figure of the 70s and 80s.
June 3-9	Ang Lee	What happened to Lee?
June 10-16	Zack Snyder	RIP Inbox.

Who should be next after Snyder? That's up to you.

Hi There - I'm a 5'.8" male in my mid 60's, weigh 165 lbs., in good health, but have arteritis in my knees, hips, and lower back. My Dr says that I have normal amount of wear and tear for someone with my activity history (running). I walk/jog about 30 miles a week so I know I can still exercise (with the help of Advil:). I would like to get a regular bike and ride with a local Sr. citizens club (age 60 and over). The local group mainly rides trails (3 rides a week) and once a month they take off for the country side, as well as plan an annual across-the-state ride. And eBikes are not allowed! I'm embarrassed to ask, but how can folks ride 50 or 75 miles at my age (or older), not to mention taking on hills and fast descents? Are there special components or considerations I should know about before heading into the store? I want to have some education so I dont end up buying something that will not be a good fit for me. Thank you in advance for any advice you can share.

"Great days and glorious victory! My name is Spifflemonk and welcome to my Letsplay! Today I am back from my medically mandated break from playing human videogames after a rather... cathartic experience with a game called Teardown. Subnautica, even among humans, is labeled as a notorious experience with... mixed reception for its sequel. A survival crafting game apparently. I have experience with those so presumably the gameplay loop should be predictable enough. So... Let's go in!"
Spiffle starts the game, going for standard Survival Mode, with aspects of food and water mechanics alongside health and oxygen. The game loads very, very fast with Spiffles overpowered computer, and the introduction sequence begins. The camera pans to the panicked sight of the payer character moving down a ladder followed by a sight of a starship above exploding.
"Oh dear... oh dear! They weren't kidding about survival! Do I even survive this or am I a ghost or something..."
The pod rattles, the screen shakes, a fire extinguisher falls from its mounting. Velocity causes the pod to dislodge a panel from a wall and it flies around the cabin. The panel flies into the player's screen, making it go black.
"Oh... well okay then. I uh... well."
Spiffles' character awakens and panics at the buttons securing him to the seat. Spiffle quickly figures out that fire in this game is in fact bad, and grabs the fire extinguisher, putting the fire out. The game's introduction plays, showing his PDA, the game's inventory UI.
"Oh! I have seen these things in real life when visiting human stations! Do all humans have these?"
Spiffle starts exploring the escape pod, noting all of the damage to the radio beacon and the wiring panel.
"Hmm... craft the repair tool... Well... For later I suppose. Now how do i-AH, the ladder!"
Spiffle clicks on the ladder and goes through the animation. The character exits and dramatically stands. Spiffle looks around. His face visibly pales as he looks in every direction, finding the only thing nearby that looks 'safe’ or like 'land' is the destroyed ship in the distance.
"Water... it's... water... everywhere! How big is this game's map!? Structural hull failure... zero human lifesigns detected. That's.. not nice. Well... Here we go!"
Spiffle jumps into the water. His mood changes, the underwater environment significantly different than above ground. The water is absolutely teeming with life and color, as Spiff swims towards a reef to stare at some coral. Spiff gets distracted and starts chasing a fish, specifically a Peeper, and grabs it.
"Oh! Good god! THAT'S how humans catch fish!? That's very... inefficient! What is this thing? Can I eat it? I know I'm supposed to take care of my food and water, so how do I eat it?"
Spiffle wanders about for a while, gathering resources and exploring his general location, eventually getting back to the pod. He had gathered up a decent amount of stuff while he was swimming around and accessed the Fabricator to see what was available.
"Ah! I see, the fabricator cooks things too. Uhm... cooked fish thing and... these transparent fish give me water bottles? Okay then! Well. Sorted for food anyway. Let's see. Copper wire, batteries. A Scanner? Does that mean I can like, scan things and tell what they are? And... Oxygen tank? Oh hell yes. I'll build that then."
Spiffle goes through the process of building a few things, checking out how the game's crafting system works, and spending more time collecting resources. He quickly realizes how much work he has to do and finally finishes making a Scanner.
"Okay then well... I can see how much time is going to be spent collecting resources so i'm going to edit all of that out and keep you all in the loop on all the fun parts instead."
Spiffle continues playing, inserting a creative, albeit mildly annoying fanciful scene transition in between resource loops. He comes to a cave looking for salt to make more equipment, when he encounters the first hostile enemy of the game: The Crashfish. He does not notice it at first, the strange sloppy noise it makes as its pod opens, the beast makes a terrible gurgly noise and charges straight at him.
"What is that noi-AH! OY! OI! OIIII what are you what are-!"
Spiffle is cut off as the fish explodes, causing him to lose half his health. He quickly surfaces and takes a breath.
"Okay then... OKAY... THAT... makes absolutely no sense from an evolutionary perspective... but okay then. Avoid those. What even was that? I can't even scan it because it was moving so fast! Gods... exploding fish."
Spiffle shakes his head and resumes his hunt for resources, eventually finding enough for a repair tool. He makes the repair of the pods' broken wiring and looks around a bit more, noting some of the details in the game.
"Hard to believe these games are over eight hundred years old! I keep getting requests to play 'them gud ol' gamez' instead of any new releases. Maybe I'll get to those eventually. I have quite the backlog though."
Spiffle quickly tabs out and shows the huge list of human made games on his list that he has been gifted or purchased himself. The list includes Space Marine, Starship Troopers, Spyro Trilogy, Crash Bandicoot, and so... so many more.
"I am also told about this thing called 'anime', whatever that is. Maybe I should look into that. Anyway..."
Spiffle shrugs for now and resumes playing, swimming around for a bit before finally deciding to use his scanner. He gets the first scan - the Acid Mushroom - and painstakingly reads the supplied article. He then goes on a scanning frenzy, scanning each thing he can find, comically chasing after various fish and objects, trying to scan them then taking an irritatingly long time to read the article aloud.
He gets to the point where he encounters his first real hostile enemy and tries to scan it. The stalker, of course, doesn't appreciate that, and attacks.
"Oooh what's this thing? Oh lovely, it's a big one. Can I scan it? The... Stalker? Oh okay is it friend-OW! NONONONO go away!"
Spiffle panics and scans it while running away from it, trying to swim backwards. He's so focused on scanning it he can't run far enough away that he gets ambushed by another Stalker nearby and manages to scan it just as he gets hit with his first Death in the game.
"Oh.... o...kay. Well... it seems things aren't as friendly as expected. I'm going to guess there's more things like that around. So... I'm just going to finish working on repairs and equipment then I'll take those things on."
Spiffle reads the article on the Stalker he scanned and spends more time collecting resources, scanning local entities and building the rest of the gear he has. Fins, high capacity O2 tank, rebreather and some more food and water which he stores in floating containers for later. He starts to explore a bit farther in search of fragments to scan and finds a Sand Shark, as well as a biome resembling a desert-like area. He encounters his first piece of the wrecked ship here.
"Oh! Hello! Pieces of wreckage! What are these for now do you suppose? Can I disassemble these for resources or-Oh! Is that a door? Oh! I'm supposed to go in here and look for things? How do I get in? Oh I can't. I need a laser cutter. Is one of those here? Need more fragments I guess..."
Spiffle gives up trying to enter and goes up for air, then returns to the floor to hunt for fragments. He eventually unlocks the Bioreactor, pieces of the Scanner room, a couple fragments of the Seaglide and Seamoth. He comes across the first cave entrance to the Mushroom Caves Biome.
"Oh... oh my. That's... deep. Good thing I unlocked the Seamoth thing. Its a miniature submarine I think. I can use that. But that's... kinda scary. I can't see the bottom. I kinda see just... purple. Mostly purple. But it scares me that I can't see the bottom."
Spiffle hangs around the cave entrance for a bit before a call for Oxygen forces him to the surface. He swims back down to the cave entrance and then hangs around a bit longer before once again resurfacing, heading for some new things to scan. It is however at this point that Spiffles exploration is cut short.
"EMERGENCY - SEISMIC READINGS SUGGEST A QUANTUM DETONATION HAS OCCURRED IN THE AURORA'S DRIVE CORE. THE CENTRAL DARK MATTER REACTOR WILL REACH A SUPERCRITICAL STATE IN -"
The computer aboard the PDA shakes Spiff out of his daze and he quickly rushes to the surface and looks at the ship.
"Wait wait wait what's that!? What's going on!? I see the ship? The Aurora! That's what its name is? Whats a Dark Matter reactor and wha-"
The computer continues its countdown muffled by Spiffs panicked squealing and he has a front-row seat to one of the most spectacular explosions in the history of gaming - the Aurora's Reactor Detonation.
It happens. The world goes dead silent for a short moment, and one can see Spiffles heart visibly stop beating. Then explosion as the Aurora lets out its magnificent blast. As the shockwave expands outwards, Spiffs skin visibly turns a paler shade of blue, and his eyes go wide. The sound of a geiger counter follows, leaving him breathless and pale as the world suddenly goes dead quiet again. The sound of the geiger counter ominously leaving him shaken even more than he already is.
"FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE - THE RADIATION SUIT HAS BEEN ADDED TO YOUR BLUEPRINTS."
Spiffle stays completely silent, bobbing in the water for a solid few minutes, staring in shocked wonder at what he just witnessed. He regains his composure for a few short moments and returns to his scanning venture, but one can easily see he isn't in the right mind after that. He returns to the seabed, at the entrance to the mushroom caves and dives again. He does this several more times, popping up to the surface, looking at the shipwreck, then diving at the entrance again. Finally, after much hesitation, he dives one last time.
"Screw it. it's just a game right?"
He smiles at the camera with a shrug and swims far below the surface, into one of the caves. As he enters the cavern his jaw drops at the sight of a massive underwater cavern filled with gigantic glowing pink mushrooms. The Mushroom caves as they are known. He spots something in the distance, entranced, forgetting his oxygen situation. He cant get far however and a terrifying shriek of some unknown entity shakes him out of his stupor.
"What in the red dawn was that noise!?"
Spiff can't finish asking his invisible audience what's going on as he strays too close to a mushroom, occupied by a Crab Snake, a gigantic sea worm. He is grabbed from behind, spun around and he visibly panics as the giant worm digs its enormous tusks into Spiffles character. Spiffle immediately freaks out, a combination of both the terrifying shriek emitted by the creature and the shock of being attacked makes poor Spiffle jump out of his seat and duck under the table.
"GOWAYGOWAYGOWAGOWAYGOWAY!!!"
The worm comes back and finishes Spiff off before his oxygen runs out. Spiff's character respawns but the footage continues, a slight whimper can be heard in the background as Spiff hides under the desk. This carries on for a few minutes, and his head very slowly appears above the desk. He gingerly puts himself back in his seat and breathes heavily for a bit. When he finally gains control, he tabs out of the game and takes a look at the wiki for Subnautica. He returns a few moments later and stares at the camera in that strange haunting glare he's become so famous for.
"WHY DO YOU STUPID DEVELOPERS NOT PUT GUNS IN THE GAME IF YOU HAVE SHIT LIKE THAT!? ARE YOU INSANE!?"
He grabs the camera and shakes it violently as he rants at it, questioning why there are guns in every other human game he has played and not THIS specific game, especially considering how there are 'giant water snake monsters that eat your face' in a game with no guns. He rants for a good minute or two then plays his outro.
TOP COMMENT: "Are you absolutely sure after Teardown, Factorio and Project ZOMBOID, you should be playing Subnautica? I mean seriously, try something less... psychologically terrifying. It's known as Thalassophobia Simulator for a reason."
_______________________________________________________________
"Great days and glorious victory! My name is Spifflemonk and I still don't understand why we have giant worm monsters but we have no guns!"
Spiffle stares at the camera with an expression that can only be summarized as 'Seriously bruh?' and resumes his last playthrough. He becomes confused at the lack of stuff in his inventory.
"Why is my... Why do I not ha-Oh right... I was eaten. When you die your inventory is wiped... I need to build more tools then."
Spiffle starts some silly music, an alien version of Benny Hill to a montage of him collecting resources, occasionally ranting at various oddities and questioning game logic. He restores all of his tools then goes hunting for a Vehicle Bay fragment so he can build the Seamoth. He continues to scan what he can, developing something of an obsession with the task, then painstakingly reading every word about it to try and understand it. It is at this point Spiffle, during his explorations finds another derelict chunk of ship near the desert region, encountering his first Sand Shark.
"What... What is this? Oh... careful Spiff. This one looks angrier than the last one you found. Wh-What in oblivion!?"
Spiffles attention is once again diverted by the appearance of a Reefback Leviathan and its signature low drone. This one appears to be a fully grown adult.
"You-you... You've got to be... You gotta be fucking kidding me. A Juhara Eelfish!? WHAT IS THAT DOING IN A HUMAN VIDEOGAME!!!??"
Spiffle squeaks in shock as he sees a creature that is an absolute spitting image of a large oceanic dwelling sea creature, which is both the games and his native homeworlds version of a Whale. The Reefback has some dissimilarities, but its close enough to the real thing that Spiffle is genuinely shocked. He quickly pauses the game, opening various wikipedia articles, then displays a full picture of both Subnautica in game Reefback, and the Juhara-Kal-Rehar, colloquially known as a Juhara Eelfish, a shockingly similar creature that lives in his homeworlds oceans.
The only difference between them is the color of the exterior chitin shell. The Reefback has a blue/purple shell, the Juhara Eelfish's chitin has a red/green shell.
"WHEN was this game made!?"
Spiff checks, the current Earth-date is the year 2886. Humanity only entered the galactic community in 2752. Subnautica was released in 2018.
"HOW.... How is that even possible!? You didn't even know the galaxy existed until only a few decades ago, yet you almost PERFECTLY matched the appearance of one of our homeworlds native species! How is this even possible!? Okay. If the name matches then I have to call bullshit."
Spiffle approaches and scans it, then reads the data article.
"A... Reefback Leviathan? Oh thank God... Now let's see... A herbivorous creature that... that likely got so large due to the fact that its predators went extinct. Well... that's... okay... A hard chitinous shell of multiple layers, a microcosm of different creatures and flora growing from its back, hence the name. Hmmm..."
Spiffle gets that cold, empty stare on his face and glares menacingly at the camera. The screen goes black, then returns, seeing Spiffle nursing a beverage of some kind while wrapped in a blanket.
"I realized something... Call it a message from the Ancestors or a Divine revelation. But I have a funny feeling this isn't going to be the last time I see a creature from the galaxy represented in human media. I hope to the Gods that doesn't happen... the concept of this situation is nothing short of terrifying. In any case, I'm sorry about that. Lets.... let's continue."
Spiffle resumes where he left off, doing his usual routine of scanning, then obsessively reading. Eventually he unlocks the Vehicle Bay, and returns home to his pod where the situation with resources is growing obscene with at least fifty floating resource containers hovering around the area.
"Alright... A Vehicle Bay... This means I can build things like the Seamoth now. This will be nice. Right, I shall for the sake of my audience skip the resource collection mechanic that's here and focus on the actual result. I shan't waste my time either though. MONTAGE!"
Spiff yells excitedly and a montage to that same odd Benny Hill type music plays out, with him collecting the resources he needs to build both machines. Most of it is already in the floating containers strewn about. With a few visits to the fabricator, he compiles the Power Cell, Titanium Ingot and Lubricant he needs to make the Vehicle Bay. He deploys it and chases it to the surface just away from the pod in the deeper end of the shallows.
"Right... Not too hard. Let's see then, how do-Ah. Get on it and... The Seamoth. Cost of two glass, one titanium ingot, a powercell, lead and lubricant. Right."
He quickly gathers and makes everything he needs for the Seamoth, then stands on the platform ready to go. He chooses the Seamoths recipe and the sequence starts. His eyes light up as drones start flying around the platform, then begin assembling atom by atom, the small, adorable minisub known as the Seamoth. It finishes the process and flops into the water with a splash.
"My gods look at this thing! It's so cute!"
Spiffle explores the sub for a little while and hops inside it, testing the controls and playing around with it a bit to see what it can do.
"Hm... Maximum Depth, 200 meters? So if I go below that does it implode or something? I need to be careful of that. OH dammit I remember! I have to make that Radiation Suit don't I? I shall do so now!"
Spiffle seems to have found a new resolve, quickly gathering resources together and making both a Seaglide and radiation suit in short order.
"Does this thing have any weapons? How do I repair-Oh... Repair tool? That makes it easier I suppose. Now... Where do I go now? Is there anything I can do?"
Spiffle stumbles about in the blind for a few minutes, trying to figure out his next course of action beyond simply wandering aimlessly while scanning things. He gets back in the pod and fixes the radio beacon. His face visibly contorts into an expression of irritation when he hears his rescue is in 9999 hours. He resolves to come back every now and then to check the radio. He decides to gather more resources to make up for building the seamoth and comes back a bit later. He finds a radio transmission when he returns.
"RADIO: ▀▖┗▛Nine new biological subjects designated. Mode ▄▖▜▚┣: hunting/analyzing.
Sharing subject locations with other agents."
"What... in the Nine Hells was THAT!? Why was it in such an odd voice? What was that language? What were those letters!? Somethings going on here... SO now what? I have the radiation suit. i guess... go into the Aurora? Oh no, I'm not going in there unprepared! Lemme make some tools and spare batteries, then i'll go in. I need... Oh... I need more fragments is what I need."
Spiffle resumes his fragment hunt, looking around for fragments of various tools. He uses the Seamoth to traverse around.
"WHEEE!!!"
Spiff seems more than just a bit happy as he trundles around in the Seamoth, using his speed to launch himself out of the water. He splashes about a bit, testing the limits of the craft and trying to see what holes he can squeeze himself into or out of and how deep he can go.
"Okay okay. time to get to serious work. Now... I need to find... A Laser Cutter and a... STASIS RIFLE?! Wait... rifle? That means GUN! I NEED A GUN!!"
Spiffle charges forward towards the desert biome where he found the Reefback and resumes his search for things to scan. It is now he comes across a Reginald.
"What... IS this fish? Wait, let me just..."
He gets out of the Seamoth and scans it.
"Huh... Reginald. That's a... fish? It's so cute! Wait, come back friend!"
Spiffle spends an unreasonable amount of time trying to catch a Reginald. When he finally catches one he gets back in the Seamoth and heads towards the aurora, new friend in tow. He trundles over to the side of the crashed ship and scans some random stuff here and there, finding fragments to a few small items, including a few he needs such as a Powercell Charger for the Seamoth’s battery. He gets close to the front of the ship and the haunting, evil noise of Subnautica's most iconic killer suddenly echoes through the gloomy water.
"What... Was that? Is it another worm thing? Please don't let it be one of those..."
Spiffle wanders around the side for a bit longer. An ominous shadow looms in the background, catching his eye. He ignores it for the moment and simply carries on, eventually arriving at the entrance to the ship. Through the mangled steel and fire he squeezes into the front of the ship and looks around. The environment ominously rattles and his screen shakes as the ships structure isn't exactly stable. The howl of the creature in the shadows makes Spiff even more uncomfortable.
"I... Do NOT like this. I really dont."
Spiff parks the Seamoth where he can see a ramp leading up, and gets out. He is immediately accosted by Cave Crawlers and uses his knife to defend himself, poorly, but he gets rid of the three or four around him.
"WARNING: SCANS SHOW THE DIGESTIVE TRACTS OF INDIGENOUS LIFE FORMS CONTAIN HUMAN TISSUE."
Spiffs face turns an even paler shade of blue and he swallows visibly as if he's trying not to vomit.
"Yeuch... I can scan this thing and read it later. I don't want to be here any longer than I have to."
Spiff scans and follows the path to the interior, uses his fire extinguisher to put out some fires in the area and gets inside. The ship rumbles as he wanders around and gets into one of the rooms. He finds the poster of the P.R.A.W.N. Suit.
"Ooh! A poster thing? Can I take it or? I can! PRAWN Suit eh? Can I actually use that thing?"
Spiff takes the poster, scans some furniture and collects a PDA. Spiff continues down the corridor and retrieves his Propulsion Cannon from his inventory and uses it to pick up some furniture in the way.
"I am SO glad I got this thing from scanning the area before I came here. This is super useful! I wonder if it has other uses..."
He gets to the door and looks at his databank.
"Hmm... Here it is! Code for the door is 1454. Right."
Spiff moves through, repairing a door to get the Seamoth Depth Upgrade Module. He continues and clears a fire to enter the main reactor. His inner loot goblin shines through and grabs the Cyclops engine efficiency module before he starts work on repairs, scanning the breach and starting work. It doesn't take him long, but he gets issues with a Bleeder that lives in the waters. He scans one then finishes repairs. Foolishly, he uses the propulsion cannon and shoots the bleeder at one of the reactors, undoing his work. He looks at the damage he caused and repairs it.
"Well... what was I expecting... Why did I do that? It's a CANNON... why did I aim it at the reactor exactly? So stupid..."
Spiff finishes and heads to the PRAWN Bay, and looks around at the damage. He spots the prawn suits and starts scanning, grabbing a storage module upgrade from a console and starts extinguishing flames so he can scan. He runs out of fire extinguisher juice though.
"Blast! Can I still scan these if they're on fire?"
Spiff walks around, finding cheeky angles he can use and scans the debris, finding all four fragments he needs. He heads upstairs and goes through the rooms and everything he can find. He gets into the Galley and sees the Kitty in a Space Helmet Poster.
"What the- 'Keep Calm'? What in the blue balls is this? It's.... cute! What is this creature!? Can I keep this? I can!"
Spiffle excitedly grabs the poster and moves on. He goes through cabins, picks up PDAs and collects the Natural Selection 2 poster, the Prawn suit in the sea poster and the collectible arcade toy in the locked cabin. Lacking the code to the Captain's cabin, he returns to the prawn bay and tries swimming around, eventually finding a passage in the hull debris to the rest of the ship. He moves through in silence, recovers the black box data and exits the ship. He removes debris, grabs the local wildlife with the cannon and tosses them into fires or the water with glee.
"BEGONE BEAST!!! Ha! Right... uhh... where did i park? Oh, there it is. Should I go home? I wonder if there are any fragments I can use around here?"
Spiff exits, finding Liefpod 4 floating upside down on the surface of the water. He collects the PDA data and a new blueprint. Then, as he gets in the seamoth, the horrifying roar of the Reaper Leviathan suddenly sounds. Spiff is thrown into a panic, screams in terror and tries desperately to get away. The beast appears with jaw chomping and claws clawing at the poor Seamoth. The entire time Spiffle is screeching like a bird with a broken leg, his entire body now an almost ghostly white out of absolute terror.
"GOWAYGOWAYGOWAYGOWAYGODNONNONOGOWAYGOWAY!!!"
Spiffle manages to get out of its grip and in a panic charges away towards his lifepod and continues to scream, breathing hard between screams. He gets to the pod and then hides under his desk, continuing to scream. His channel outro plays.
TOP COMMENT: (This has been translated from Eridani) "I am starting to believe this whole sojourn was a very BAD idea. Do you humans have those kinds of beasts on your homeworld? How did you ever survive them?!"
RESPONSE: LOL no we never had Reapers. The only Leviathan Class creatures we have on our planet are Whales. And they're mostly peaceful plankton eaters. Mostly.
RESPONSE: (Translated from Eridani) "Seriously? I think I find it more terrifying that these creatures are made up in your minds. What kind of nightmares do you people have to be able to create this level of fiction!?"
RESPONSE: Do. Not. Ask. This is only Subnautica - we have FAR worse.
Spiffles response: "You're going to make me play these 'far worse', aren't you?"
RESPONSE: "Damn right we are! :)"
________________________________________________________
"Great days and glorious victory! My name is Spifflemnonk and welcome back to Subnautica!"
Spiffle looks visibly stronger, his usual lanky appearance now looking like he's been working out like a Gym Bro. One can see muscles on muscles and Spiff seems to have an abnormal amount of energy.
"I am now relaxed. It is now time to get eaten by giant scary sea monsters. And yes, before you ask, I have successfully finished fully soundproofing my office. And also yes, I am indeed expecting a new addition to the brood... THANKS DAMN HUMANS! You and your damn musical magic nonsense..."
Spiffle starts the game and is swimming outside the pod next to the Seamoth. The first thing he does is repair the seamoth from the damage incurred by the Reaper, and recounts what hes been up to, checking inventory and equipment. He heads to the radio and gets a new transmission.
RADIO - "This is Avery Quinn of trading ship Sunbeam. Aurora, do you read? Over.'
'Nothing but vacuum. These Alterra ships. They run low on engine grease, they send an SOS; you offer to help, they don't pick up.'
'Aurora, we're out on the far side of the system, it's going to take more than a week to reach your position, do you still need our assistance? Over.'
'I'll try them again tomorrow. Damn charter's going to have us wasting our profit margin running errands for Alterra.'
'See what the long-range scanner picks up in the meantime."
"Oh? Oh lovely! There ARE people in this game! I wonder when they will be here? Meh, I have things to build, so I'll keep an eye."
Spiffle resolves himself to start building a base, trying to find a good spot. He finds the Mushroom Forest Biome and starts gathering resources to ferry them around. He installs the Depth Module and the Storage module to the Seamoth, then builds the Moon Pool. The Mushroom Biome becomes one of his favorite spots and a close encounter with a JellyRay cements it.
"Those creatures are beautiful! Look! JellyRay! Its glowing blue and pretty! I love that! Oh... I have a new radio message. I need to listen to that then."
Spiff returns to the pod and listens to the message.
RADIO - "Aurora, this is Sunbeam again. We just picked up a massive debris field at your location.'
'I didn't know how bad... How many of you... I didn't know.'
'We are now en route to your location. We're going to bring you home. Sunbeam out.'
'What else can I say? The only time I parked a rig this big on a rock that small was in VR, and I blew it'
'Oh, it's a bad option alright, but so are all the others."
Spiff smiles and carries on working, parking the Seamoth inside after powering everything up.
"So lovely! But... Is that a win condition? I know human games by now I have played enough of them. Is that a win condition? Get rescued? I dunno..."
Spiffle carries on building for a little and gets a storage system up, spending a few in-game days transporting resources to his new base. He returned to the pod and played a new radio message, again from the Sunbeam.
RADIO - "This is Sunbeam. Y'know, Aurora, we're from a little trans-gov on the far side of Andromeda, and we have a saying there.'
'There's no bad without the good, no good without the bad.'
'Sounds like you tasted a bunch of the former, but that only means you're overdue a whole lot of the latter.'
'Might just be we're it.'
'We're scanning for somewhere to park, we'll be in touch when we find it. Sunbeam out."
"Ohh... That... that's a lovely saying! What was that uh... There's no bad without the good, no good without the bad. I like that! I think i'll have that framed on my wall! Now lets see.. i ca- I CAN GIVE THE SEAMOTH A NAME? OOHHHhh okay, okay.. I can customize the color too! I think I'll just do this..."
Spiff leaves the name as 'Seamoth' for now, changing the color to a mix of purple for the main, and blue for the trim and name color. His two favorite colors. Spiffle does a little more work, acquiring the last fragments for the Cyclops and starts gathering together the resources necessary to build it.
"Hmmm.. Cyclops... Personal large scale submarine capable of carrying other vehicles! Ooohhh I want to build that! I need to fetch the Vehicle Bay though. Im almost done moving house!"
Spiff returns and packs up the last of his resources, then gets another radio message.
RADIO - "Aurora, we're approaching the planet now, and we have a landing site for you that's... well, it's better than the alternatives.'
'We've sent you the coordinates.'
'It'll take us a couple of days to align our orbit, we should be able to establish direct contact with you during that time, then we're coming in to get you.'
'Cross your fingers the weather holds, and don't leave us waiting. Sunbeam out."
Spiffle gets a new beacon on his HUD. Sunbeam Landing Site.
"What!? Is this game over If I'm there!? Okay... well. At least it's no longer terrifying! I'll get the Seamoth and go for the beacon then. I hope it's okay... Strange... this... doesn't feel like the end, you know? But if it is then it is."
Spiff heads home, deploys the Vehicle Bay and deposits his gear and resources. He heads towards the location, occasionally squealing 'WHEEE!!' as he uses the Seamoth to jump out of the water like a dolphin. However, he miscalculates and the Seamoth jumps up, out and sustains a bit of damage as it hits a rock formation close to the surface. He gets out, repairs it and looks at the camera.
"Why no I didn't just damage my Seamoth by having too much fun. I don't know what you are talking about. Hehe."
Spiffle smirks at the camera with a glare and carries on. Eventually, he encounters the largest of the Islands in the world.
"Wh... WHAT. This has been here the whole time!? Is this an island? Who cares! LAND! Sweet land!"
Spiffle now notices the timer and hops onto the island from his Seamoth. He walks up to the landing zone and stops dead in his tracks at the sight of the massive al;ien structure known as the Quarantine Enforcement Platform. In essence, a giant alien cannon.
"What... the *beep* is THAT?"
Spiffles' editing has gotten better, his editor learning how to censor Spiffles foul language, in both English AND Eridani. He moves closer to the building, scanning the broken tablet and the Forcefield Controls.
"What is this? I mean it's clearly alien... What do the codex entries say... 'possible to reconstruct the device' Oh... hmm.. I can make more of these then. 'Matches no known technologies... functions like a lock'. Okay then so... Standard video game logic I guess. That's nice! So A purple tablet will unlock the gate there. What are those?"
Spiff moves towards the Cairns marking the way into the island, pathways leading up the mountainside. He follows them, finding a Purple Tablet in the process on one of the pathways.
"Oh! Lovely! That saves me resources and a trip I guess. This pathway keeps going though. hmm... Welp, we still have thirty minutes, so let's go."
Spiff explores the pathway, getting lost a bit before finally figuring that following the large cables is a good idea. He comes across the Teleportation Arch and scans it, in between dodging the Cave Crawlers.
"Right, let's see... Alien Arch... not much to speak of here. Maybe this thing will be useful later I guess. Likely.... Hmmm..."
Spiffle continues exploring and eventually finds himself back at the forcefield with another twenty minutes to go.
"Screw it, let's go."
Spiff activates the forcefield platform and the animation of the key being placed plays out. He moves into the building, activating both data platforms and acquiring two Ion Cubes for later, scanning everything he thinks he can scan. He enters the Moonpool in the bay and gets two more Ion Cubes, plus data on a rifle and a Doomsday Device. He ignores it for now, acquiring one more purple tablet and accessing the control room.
"Right... what's in here? Hmm... Energy Core, right. I shall scan that and... press button?"
Spiff presses the button. An animation plays where a device locks his characters hand in place, viciously stabs it with a pointy metal bit and then releases it.
"OH GODS what the hell! Why is that?! That's just nasty!"
"THE TERMINAL IS BROADCASTING A MESSAGE. TRANSLATION READS: 'Warning, infected individuals may not disable the weapon. This planet is under quarantine.'"
"Quarantine! What? Infected? I-Hold on...."
Spiffle gets his scanner out and performs a self-scan. It is only now he notices something very bad has happened.
"I-infected!? Wait, what!?"
"SELF-SCAN COMPLETE - DETECTING STATISTICALLY SIGNIFICANT BACTERIAL LEVELS. NO ADVERSE EFFECTS DETECTED. BE VIGILANT FOR SYMPTOMS."
"Oh brilliant! Does that mean I can't leave? I KNEW IT! Wait... weapon!? This is a weapon!?"
Spiffle panics and runs out of the facility as fast as he can and waits the last few minutes for the Sunbeam to arrive. Sure enough, it does. In the last 30 seconds, the Sunbeam plays a message.
RADIO - "Survivor, we see you!
'Man, I don't know how you held out down there.'
The sunbeams message plays, and Spiffle gasps in terror from the sound of the gun platform starting up and starting to move around.
RADIO - "We've broken atmosphere and we're descending towards the landing site.'
'Is that a building down there?! What do you mean you can't identify it?"
The weapon powers up and turns, aiming itself high at the sky.
RADIO - "Hold on, no turning back now.'
'Positions everyone, touching down in 10, 9, 8-'
The weapon charges up and a loud vicious hum can be heard echoing through the valley.
RADIO - "It's coming from the building?! Change course, set thrusters to (full)-"
The radio goes to static, the weapon fires and the Sunbeam is vaporized instantly by a massive blast of bright green light. The sunbeam disappears, its hull structure completely disintegrated. Spiffle sits in stunned silence as the platform returns to a stable position, shuts down, and everything goes quiet.
"Well... Okay then... That was... horrifying. I guess thats all we have time for! Hehe! Oh dear..."
Spiffle looks a bit defeated as he sits back in his seat.
"S-see you next time! I guess... Holy shit..."
Channel Outro plays.
TOP COMMENT: "Are you okay? You seem a little bit too disturbed by that. Its fine though, compared to what happens in the Rise Of The Ancients Mod, this is tame! Lol! I love that mod!"
Spiffles Response: "Please don't make me play that mod..."
((Authors note - due to how bastardingly huge Subnautica is, this will be a multi part series. Other Spiff stories will come inbetween. Hope you enjoy!))

I just got back from an amazing trip to Costa Rica, spending around $1300 on activities, transportation, hostels, food, and souvenirs.
A few things I wish I knew before my trip: you need to drink tons of water and electrolytes everyday since it's so hot and humid, you will get bug bites no matter what you do so bring anti itch cream, having a small towel to dry your hands is helpful since a lot of bathrooms don't have hand towels or dryer, people are very appreciative of you knowing a small amount of Spanish.
Here's my trip report:
DAY 0:
I flew into San Jose in the evening and stayed at Stray Cat Hostel (arranged transportation through the hostel).
Stray Cat Hostel: Pros- very clean, cats, employees were very nice Cons- hostel was overbooked (given option of bed in mixed dormitority or room in hotel across the streer), limited bathrooms, lack of shelves in bathrooms/showers.
DAY 1:
I had a breakfast of eggs, beans, and rice at Stray Cat Hostel and walked 10 minutes to bus stop for Transmonteverde public bus (booked online in advance). The neighborhood was pretty quiet, mainly residential and I felt safe, though I was alert and had directions in one ear bud and the other ear bud out so I could hear around me.
At the bus station there was a long line of people waiting, but i wasn't sure for what bus. I asked the employee at the bus station for where the bus to Transmontevde is and he directed me through the turnstiles and down to the bus.
The bus seats had little leg room and not much room for you to have your bag with you unless you had an empty seat next to you. We stopped 2.5 hours into the bus ride at Restaurante Vista Al Mar, which had bathrooms (free), some food, and cold drinks. This was about a 20 minute break. The road became very twisty in the last hour to Santa Elena.
The bus stopped at on the hill in Santa Elena, a short walk to the main town area. I got lunch at the Orchid Cafe, which was pricey, but had a nice setting and large servings.
There is a bank right by Orchid Cafe, as well as an ATM across the street from the tourist info center. I found that there's a great bakery called Panaderia el hornito de pilo, right across the street from the bus station that has inexpensive and yummy pastries (approx. 800 CRC each).
Booked the shuttle to Monteverde Cloud Forest through my hostel, OutBox Inn. Hiked the recommended trail loop, which included a suspension bridge (easy hike and well signed) and saw quetzal and coati very close. I had dinner at Taco Taco, which was pricey but had good food and nice energetic atmosphere.
OutBox Inn: Pros- very clean, perfect location to access everything, lovely patio with forest view, nice common area Cons- cockroach on toilet seat (screen in window doesn't close all the way)
DAY 2:
I had a leftover pastry from the bakery the day before for breakfast and was picked up for ziplining by Treetopia (over $100). There were 7 ziplines and I chose the company because they're the only one that has automatic braking. It felt very safe and was so much fun after I got over the nerves on the first two. Most of the employees seemed to speak English. There was a tandem zipline at the end that you need two people for. If you're solo like me you'll need to pair up with another person. There is an expensive gift shop and restaurant once you finish ziplining (plus you can pay $25 for your photos and videos).
For lunch I got a sandwich from a Cafe and ate it on the OutBox patio, then got picked up for Don Juan cacao, Sugarcane, and coffee tour. The guide had a great sense of humor and it was an interactive tour. Got dinner afterwards at Tico y Rico, which was around $19 for a vegetarian casado and soursop smoothie (large portions and friendly employees who asked if I have any allergies).
DAY 3:
Got pastries again from the same bakery before getting picked up by Caribe shuttle to go to La Fortuna. 45 minutes into the drive we stopped at an expensive store and restaurant for a short break, then drove another 45 minutes to Lake Arenal to catch a boat ride (45 minutes) and then another 30 minutes via shuttle to downtown La Fortuna. It was really nice to have a backpack instead of having to carry or drag a suitcase across the sand to board the boat across Lake Arenal (which I saw many people struggle with).
I checked into Hotel La Choza Inn and booked the unlimited Shuttle at the front desk ($20). There is a bank just by the park in La Fortuna, which was helpful since the hostel only took cash.
Lunch was at Soda Hormiga, which had gotten recommended, but while the food was pretty good and reasonably priced (about $6.5 for rice, beans, and plantains plus juice), I found that the employees weren't very friendly.
In the afternoon I took the unlimited Shuttle to Lago Parque Ecologico Volcan Arenal, where I hiked for a couple hours (which ended up being a mistake since it was so hot out). The park was beautiful and not crowded at all, I only saw a handful of tourists the whole time (plus a large group of schoolchildren).
I ended up deciding to go to Clinica Benitas since I wasn't feeling great and it has good reviews (plus was right by downtown). The doctors and staff were wonderful and made me feel as comfortable as possible. They were able to diagnosis and prescribe medication to help me feel better. I ended up costing about $400 for everything (including labwork) and then another $40 for medications at the pharmacy.
I had dinner at Spec-taco-lar, which was pretty good and had nice people watching.
La Choza Inn: Pros- inexpensive, easy to meet people, free breakfast, nice courtyard area, 24/7 reception and locked gate at night, easy to walk to everything in La Fortuna, air conditioning Cons- thin sheets with small hole, only one bathroom for 10 people (although there's a couple toilets downstairs by the courtyard), shuttle driver wasn't very friendly, open window in shower that allows bugs to get in.
DAY 4:
I had breakfast at La Choza Inn (eggs, beans and rice, juice, banana, toast) and had a relaxing morning. I got lunch from Chipotle's, where the sweetest woman works. She was so helpful and told me to ask her if I have any questions at all.
I then scheduled a wildlife tour walk through La Fortuna Hikes and Trails, which was a 15 minute walk from downtown. Sergio was an amazing guide and was so knowledge about all the wildlife. We saw sloths, bats, blue jean posion dart frogs, a Fer du Lance snake, a lizard, and a turkey like bird. The walk was only $32 for nearly 3 hours! We ended the tour with sugar cane juice and tortilla making with two abuelas, who then gave us tacos, dessert, and juice (all part of the price!).
I didn't have enough time to go to the waterfall, so I decided to go to Relax Termalitas hot springs instead ($18 plus a couple dollars for locker renral) which was like a casual resort with many different pools of different temperatures. I took an Uber there and back and it was pretty easy and cheap. I ended the day at Open Kitchen, which was expensive, but had huge portions.
DAY 5:
I took a shuttle (booked through Caribe) from La Choza Inn at 5:30 AM to get to Tortuguero. We stopped about 2 hours in for the included breakfast, then had another 1.5 hours or so on the shuttle and then took a 45 minute boat to Tortuguero. We saw a crocodile and river otter in the canals.
I checked into Aracari Garden Hostel and booked a night walk ($30) at the front desk. Lunch was at Tutti's Pizza (where I saw a green basilisk) before I caught the public boat to Cerro Tortuguero. I purchased my ticket to the hike online in advance (only cost around $2, need to book online). The "hike" only ended up being about a 20 minute walk through the forest including climbing some stairs, but the view was beautiful from the top. I saw two different types of monkeys in the treetops! There were also a lot of bugs. I killed some time before the boat arrived by exploring the other paths at the bottom of Cerro Tortuguero.
I caught public boat back (3000 CRC round trip purchased at the dock in Tortuguero) and got lunch at El Patio, which had tables on a dock right on the canal. The food was pretty good and priced alright.
My last activity of the trip was the guided night tour. We met at the hostel and walked through the outskirts of the village and into the forest, sewing wolf spiders, grasshoppers, a sloth, birds, and a baby snake.
Aracari Garden Hostel: Pros-good place to socialize, good prices, breakfast included, easy walk to everything downtown, nice courtyard, quiet area, 24/7 reception Cons-sheets were thin with a hole, only one bathroom for 10 people (though there were a couple toilets downstairs), unlimited Shuttle wasn't really worth it (Ubers are pretty cheap and it had very limited times, plus the driver was grumpy).
DAY 6:
Stopped at the grocery store on the north end of Tortuguero for snacks and electrolites and then got some pastries from Dorling Bakery (the pastries were cheap, but dry). I enjoyed my breakfast on the beach at the Carribean Sea and put my feet in the warm water.
I used Caribe Shuttle to arrange transportation back to San Jose. I had the bus drop me off at the Marriott Hacienda Belen since my flight wasn't until very late and I had about 6 hours to kill. I ate some (expensive) food at the cafe at the Marriott (supposedly open 24/7) and then hungout in the large, beautiful lobby until it was time to Uber to the airport.
I got to the airport with lots of time to spare and security was an absolute breeze.
Unfortunately, an hour or so before my flight was supposed to leave I got a message that the flight was canceled. Soon enough, everyone got a notification that the flight was off and there was lots of confusion and frustration as the gate board still showed the flight as on time, plus there was no gate agent or employee to talk to. Alaska sent out an email saying they rebooked me on the soonest available flight, but it wasn't until more than 24 hours later. I ended up finding the soonest available flight on another airline (about 9 hours later) and canceled my other flight. Eventually a gate agent showed up (as well as the pilots), and people starting lining up to figure out what was going on and get on a sooner flight. In short, I ended up spending about 9 hours total at the airport and was not happy with Alaska Airlines. Fortunately, I made it home safely, just 7 hours after I was originally going to.

( first things first, i take no drugs or medications and i don't drink or smoke )
For the past 2 years i have been suffering with a chronic illness known as long covid, i went from climbing mountains to being unable to walk 5 feet, breath or even function normally in life, the doctors have no idea how to cure it there are no medications or treatments .... they literally told me to wait and see if it gets better.
It has been hell ... i pray almost every night for some higher being to heal me as well as praying for my sister and grandmother who i lost just before the pandemic ( I've been a Buddhist for around 6 years... never christian, but after losing family members i felt like it was the right thing to do .. just to pray for them )
The only way i can describe my illness to people is - imagine * You are burning from the inside out, something is crushing your lungs and your carrying 3 buckets of water on each limb, your whole body is shaking with parkinsons and you struggle to form words *
I had 80 symptoms and i am down to 4. It has been a long journey of healing myself
However ...
These past few weeks have been even more difficult with a flare up of symptoms again.
Now let me start by saying over the course of the 2 years of this illness i have been seeing things on a night (it has happened maybe 6 times) i will fall asleep then wake up and there is something in the room with me. At first it was just a black ball of fuzz floating in the air, then a face at the window... then a spider the size of a human face ... then i would have faces appearing right in front of mine ... then it just stopped happening
At first it was overwhelming but the more it happened the more i came to accept them
I have tried to reach out and touch them but they vanish as soon as i do
This leads me to last night ...
It was different ... the times in the past i have seen something i wake up and cant really move at first, my brain is in a daze, foggy and unsure ( research tells me that's sleep paralysis and hypnagogic hallucinations )
But this was something else ...
I woke up and felt *wide awake* like i had had 3 red bulls and just finished a jog..
There was this form next to my bed - not black fuzzy shapes like the usual ones but lines of light **3 lines vertical very thin** on the top of those lines was what looked like x2 thin oval shapes, a smaller one inside a larger one, i assume the lines where the body and the ovals the head.
At this point i am used to seeing things it no longer phases me and for some reason i just asked the entity to heal me ( As i said above these past few weeks have been difficult with a flare up of symptoms, so i assumed my subconscious just automatically went there )
I reached out my hand to try and touch whatever it was and i did, but as usual it vanishes as i make contact
............
Fast forward to this morning i wake up feeling much better than i have the past few weeks, not normality but a significant difference so much so i had to ring my partner at work and tell them about the experience
(We both believe there is something else out there - but have never experienced it ourselves, whether that be spirits, aliens or something unknown )
Whats weird is the night before when we all had the solar flare causing the Borealis across the northern hemisphere both my partner and i saw what we can only describe as a morphing crescent moon it would look like a crescent moon but very bright orange like the sun but not blinding us, then it would split into 2 parts getting smaller till it vanishes... then it would come back again. This wasn't up in the sky it was very low above the hill just behind the housing estate we can see in the distance.
I have no idea if it is connected but its strange that the 2 events happened so close to each other
I suppose my question is - Has anyone seen this string of thin light entity with an oval light string head ?
Also did anyone see a morphing moon the night of the Northern lights?
I have never felt compelled to write about my experiences until last night happened ... because this one was so different and i am remarkably better than what i was... and over these 2 years of healing i haven't ever seen a jump healing wise that quick
What was in my room ?
What was in the sky ?

You know that unsettling feeling you sometimes get when you're home alone? That sudden shiver that races up your spine, making your skin crawl even when you know you're the only one there? It's the kind of feeling that makes you hesitate to cross that dark hallway in your house, your mind playing tricks on you, warning of unseen dangers lurking in the shadows of the place you call home.
​
I never knew my parents. My grandmother was the only constant presence in my life, a tough woman hardened by years of hard work and the harsh climate of Krasnoyarsk. She, like many women of her time, toiled in one of the area's numerous metallurgical factories. Though she wasn't always around, she cared for me as best she could, even if her love often came with a stern demeanor. With two mouths to feed, she often had to leave me in the care of our neighbors for long stretches of time, often returning only to sleep at home.
Our neighborhood was composed mostly of factory workers and their families, who lived in small huts that offered little relief from the cold. Our own house was no exception. Tucked away on the edge of the community, it was a modest shack of barely 50 square meters. Inside, the walls were painted a weathered yellow, while the floor was covered with wooden planks. Curiously, the exterior was camouflaged by logs, attempting to conceal the concrete beneath. The house wasn't that much by itself, but the patches of trees that surrounded the house left a clear area where the house sat, making it feel like it didn't belong to the city.
My grandmother had a peculiar taste in decorating. The outside of our house was adorned with a variety of ornaments and bird sculptures, painted in bright colors. When she decided on a particular decoration, she refused to change it, no matter what. Inside, the walls were adorned with framed photos of unfamiliar faces, intercalated with portraits of unfamiliar people. My grandmother had a habit of collecting these photos and scattering them around the house in a seemingly random fashion. She also had a habit of rearranging furniture every few weeks, which left me perplexed and curious as to her motivations.
Whenever I asked her about her frequent rearrangements, her expression would turn somber, silencing any further questions. It was an unspoken rule in our household: certain questions were best left unanswered.
Sometimes my grandmother had no choice but to leave me home alone, mainly because Anna, the neighbor who usually took care of me, couldn't, either for medical or personal reasons. On those days, she would come home from work earlier than usual and seem more exhausted than ever. However, there was a subtle sense of relief in her eyes when I was there, as if she feared something was going to happen to me during those brief hours of solitude. But the worst days were those when my grandmother was not able to get home before sunset; those days were the ones I dreaded the most.
During the day, the small forest surrounding our house was my playground, sometimes even losing track of time until the sun began to set. But when it got dark, the trees would transform into menacing shadows that would cast themselves over the house.
Sometimes, when I closed the curtains, an unsettling feeling would come over me: I felt I was being watched by invisible eyes. On rare occasions, I would summon the courage to peek outside and see two piercing white orbs fixed to the house. Hastily, I would close the window and crawl into bed, burying myself under the covers and shivering with fear. Struggeling to stay awake, terrified at the thought of the murmurs returning, pearcing through the walls while the presence lurked on the other side of my window, in the distance.
Most nights, exhaustion would get the better of me, and I would fall asleep. Whenever I woke up, usually in the morning, the sound of wood scraping against the floor would signal that my grandmother was moving the furniture around.
Shuted in my room until she was done, listening to the eerie symphony of the wood slowly and leisurely creeping against each other while I waited for her approval to leave the room.
During those days when I was confined to my room until my grandmother finished rearranging the furniture, she always seemed to be in a hurry, almost frantic, to get us out of the house. She would quickly hand me over to our neighbor, Anna, and leave me in her care until the next day, appearing extremely tired.
Normal days were spent playing with two of the neighbor kids, Pavel and Varina.
Pavel was one of the few kids I played with when I was little. He never let the stories that were told about our house and my grandmother be a problem for us to become friends. We met playing one day like any other day on the back of the river that crosses the back of our neighborhood. We started a competition to see who was able to roll a stone over the water the most times. We spent hours running up and down, looking at all the possible stones to find the perfect ones that would lead us to victory against each other. I lost the competition that day, but I got the best friendship I could have wished for.
We met Varinka two years later. Her parents moved to our neighborhood from another nearby city because they got an offer in one of the factories. The one that started talking to her was Pavel, being the sociable child that he was. Both of them became close friends almost immediately. Soon after, I followed Pavel's steps and befriended her.
On the days that I spent with Anna, the three of us used to go on our own little adventures that were restricted to meal and snack times, and you must believe that we squeezed out as much time as possible. Our usual routine used to be to build hideouts, climb trees, and play hide and seek in the small forest that wrapped my house.
Pavel, Varinka, and I had multiple spots with small hideouts that barely resisted a day or two because of the poor choice of materials that we built them with, but still, there were two that held the most: the tree house and the cave.
The Tree House was the closest one to my house; it consisted of a dead tree that was hollow inside. It was quite small, and the only things that we kept inside the tree house were some rocks that we used as chairs and a big piece of wood that we used as a table. The area that surrounded the tree house was quite dense with poor sunlight because of the multiple trees that grew there. Because of the many days we spent there playing, a path was created because of our footsteps, making a small path to the west part of my house. While the tree house was a five-minute walk through the forest, the cave was further inside the forest. As the name foreshadowed, the cave was a hole besides a small hill. The cave wasn't much bigger than the tree, but the fact that it was a cave made our minds think that it was for some reason cooler than the tree house. There was the place that we used to hang out the most whenever we got the chance to go to the forest. The cave was decorated inside as much as a child could. We took some chairs that Pavel found in the dumpster while Varinka brought some flowers from her garden, and meanwhile, I brought a small bird feeder that my grandmother recently changed for a newer one.
Those were the happiest memories that I could remember—those times when we could play freely without anything that could worry us—but sadly, those days weren't meant to last forever.
One day that Anna left me to go to the forest. As usual, Pavel, Varinka, and I met at the river as always, walking while following the water flow towards the forest. We chatted about some nonsens that Pavel used to bring out, laughing, and we walked in the forest, following the small path that we used to go in and out of the forest from the side of the river.
As we moved deeper into the forest, an uneasy feeling came over us, overshadowing our carefree chatter. The familiar sights and sounds of the forest seemed different that day, as if the trees themselves were whispering warnings we couldn't decipher.
Pavel, Varinka, and I followed the beaten path, our footsteps echoing in the silent forest. But as we approached the clearing where our hideout awaited us, an eerie silence descended, suffocating the once vibrant atmosphere. The air grew heavy with anticipation. An unspoken tension hung over us like a shroud.
Arriving at the Tree House, we found it shrouded in darkness and its hollow trunk in eerie silence. The rocks that had served as our seats lay scattered on the forest floor, as if they had been abandoned. Even the dense treetops seemed to retain their usual warmth, casting long shadows that stretched out like accusing fingers.
With a nervous glance between us, we continued on, our steps faltering as we approached the cave. But as we drew closer, we realized that the entrance was blocked by fallen debris, as if it had been sealed shut by some unseen force.
A chill ran down my spine as I exchanged glances with Pavel and Varinka. What had once been our sanctuary now looked as if an earthquake would have knocked down the entrance.
As the first tendrils of fear coiled in our hearts, a distant sound echoed—a sound that sent a shiver down my spine.
It was a faint whimper, barely louder than the sound of leaves against the wind, but loud enough to startle us all.
Varinka, frightened, stood motionless, with a desperate look that stopped at nothing in particular, trying to see where such a chilling sound could come from. When I saw Pavel, he was standing before Varinka, holding a stone that he must have picked up from the pile he was standing on whileI was looking at the entrance to the cave, and then... Something started to flow through the rocks
It was a strange liquid that had a carmesi tone that seemed to glow in the shadows—a liquid that appeared to have no visible limits and seemed to come out of nowhere.
I didn't notice how much time I spent looking at the red liquid flowing through the rocks when I noticed something; whatever thing was wimpering, it wasn't outside with us. It was inside the cave.
I didn't know what to do. Varinka was already running back to her house while Pavel was frozen in the same position as he was, looking at the entrance of the cave, but his face didn't seem scared or shocked anymore; instead, his face seemed like he was hypnotized. He took a step towards the cave.
When I realized what I was going to do, I rushed at him, gripping him by the shoulder and shaking him, trying to shake him out of his trance. After a few seconds, Pavel looked around in confusion as the faint whimpers continued to sound behind the rubble, increasingly agonizing but whimpering with the same intensity.
When Pavel finally looked at me, the first thing he said was, “Where is Varinka?”, “She's gone already,” I replied frantically, trying to get him to start moving. Hearing me,he dropped the stone, which splashed some of the strange crimson liquid on our shoes, and ran towards the forest path, While I followed closely behind him, the whimper of the thing could still be heard behind us.
After not much time, we arrived at the river where Varinka was sobbing, catching her breath, i turned to see how Pavel was doing, i saw him with an absorbed look, watching closely the trees, almost as if something was talking to him.
That night was one of the worst that I have experienced. When my grandmother came home that night, she noticed that something was wrong at the moment that she saw me.
"What happened?" she asked with an expression that I had never seen before in her face; it seemed to be a mix of seriousness and worry.
I told her about how we had found our hideouts destroyed, the whimper, and the strange substance. Without wating any longer, she almost jumped and started to search frantically in some drawers, taking out some kind of cross that I had never seen before. It seemed similar to the catoloc corss, but in the lower part it was split in half, making it seem like two wooden legs. On all of the surface, different carvings were made; some of them seemed Russian, some of them were Nordic, some of them were Latin, and a bunch of them I can't even recognize today.
She left the cross in the middle of the house and then rushed towards the kitchen, grabbing all the meat that we had on the house and throwing it out. I looked at her with a mix of perplexity and worry, as I didn't understand what she was doing.
She took me to the bathroom and started to bathe me, scrubbing my whole body almost as if she were trying to clean out a stain from a new piece of cloth. When she was done, I noticed that my skin was red because of the rubbing.
When she was done with me, she took the same ritual with the rest of the house, opening every window, the door, and the cabinets and scrubbing them. I didn't understand what was going on; the house was almost completely dark; only the light from the lamps that we had and the full moon could be seen in the sky; the air was cold; and I was still wet from the bath.
She finished with the house and started to do the same to herself, scrubbing her skin until it became red. The sound of her breathing and the scrubbing was the only thing that could be heard; the forest was in absolute silence.
She finished, and looked at me.
"Now, let's pray," she said with a calm voice, almost too calm, as if her previous panic was never there.
We kneeled beside the strange cross and began to pray; the windows and door were still open at this point. Something could be heard outside.
As the first words started to come out of our mouths, the whimper appeared softly, as if trying to not make us notice his presence. Word after word, it grew persistent.
The moon, covered by a thin layer of clouds, enveloped our home with eerie shadows. Our prayers grew in intensity, trying to match the whimper as if we were trying to cover it with our own voice. Then, suddenly, nothing. I didn't feel cold or warmth; I didn't feel my hand brushing against my grandmother's hand; the numbness in my knees from kneeling; the cold of the night against my skin; just the whimpering, weak, almost pleasant and sweet, like a mother's call or like the sun against your skin on a spring evening. I wanted to answer him, to go to him, to let myself go.
A pull.
When I came to my senses, I was on the porch. As I looked around frantically, I saw my grandmother pulling me, with a terror I could never have imagined to have seen on her face. Then I looked to where her gaze was fixed. Slowly, as I gazed through those bird ornamentations that I had become so used to seeing, I looked towards the trees. Orbs—dozens, no, hundreds of them looking at us.
I rushed inside in an instant catching my grandmother by surprise, stuttering she kept praying, leaving the door still open, once again, we knelt, over the next few hours it tried to pull me back to him countless times, I was about to give in again on a couple of occasions but the horror on my grandmother's face anchored me to the ground in front of the cross, at one point in time the night began to fade, leaving behind its shadows and with it those observant orbs, waiting for a mistake to jump towards us, changing it’s place with a tenuous golden light, which with its arrival marked the end of the nightmare of that night, with the whimpering becoming weaker and weaker my eyes closed with exhaustion, letting me drift off into a peaceful sleep.
Knocks woke me up a few hours later; it seemed frantic. I was in bed in my pajamas, disoriented by the events of the previous night. I stood up suddenly, my heart pounding against my chest at the sudden knocking on the front door. I got up to see who was banging on the front door.
“Yakov!” Someone screamed on the other side of the door with an anguished voice. “Yakov, please open the door.”
I ran towards the door, opening it as I recognized the voice on the other side; it was the voice of Anna.
“What-what happened, Anna?” In a scared tone, I was able to ask her.
It was an unusual situation; Anna didn’t like to get to close to my house, so seeing her here on the porch was something that I didn’t expect at all.
“Pavel…” She was able to tell, under a sigh, “Pavel is lost.”
My world started to shatter as Anna was able to say those words. She continued talking, asking me questions frantically, but my mind wasn’t there.
“Do you know where he is? Did he by any chance go to your house the last night?” Ana said.
"Whimpers,” I thought out loud. Anna tried to speak, “Wha-.”
Before she could even finish what she was saying, I started to run, barefoot. I ran faster than I even imagined that I could; the adrenalin pumping in my veins kept the pain away from my feet. I ran. I really ran. As fast as I could, I really tried.
When I arrived at the cave, it was too late; the carmesi substance was only touching the stones, almost as if avoiding the ground. Once I looked up, I saw an entrance; for some reason, a hole could be seen in the middle of the debris.
“Pavel!” I cried out, my voice trembling with fear and desperation, but there was no response. I tried to move the fallen debris that was blocking the entrance with trembling hands, but it was too heavy and firmly wedged in place.
Tears began to fall as I realized the horrifying truth: Pavel was trapped inside the cave, cut off from the outside world by a rubble wall. Panic gripped my chest, squeezing the air from my lungs as I struggled to make sense of the situation.
My mind raced with a thousand thoughts and fears, each one more terrifying than the last. What if Pavel was hurt? What if he was alone and scared? What if... he wasn’t alone?
With trembling limbs, I tried to force my way into the cave, clawing at the rocks with desperate urgency. But no matter how hard I tried, the debris refused to budge, despite my desperate efforts.
Time seemed to stretch into eternity as I stood there, helpless and alone, with the sound of my own heartbeat echoing in my ears. The forest around me was silent, as if it were waiting for the unthinkable.
And then, from deep within the cave, I heard it: a faint whimper, barely audible above my own heartbeat. It was Pavel's voice, weak and muffled, but unmistakably him.
“Pavel, oh god, i-i’m here!” I called out to him, my voice breaking with terror, but there was no answer.
I realized with a sinking feeling in my stomach that Pavel was out of reach, trapped in a prison of stone and darkness with whatever called him to enter the cave. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I collapsed on the ground, overcome by grief and despair. The weight of the situation pressed down on me like a physical force, crushing me under its unbearable weight. In that moment, I felt completely alone, like a small, insignificant speck in the vastness of the universe. And as I gazed up at the sky, my vision blurred with tears. I couldn't help but wonder if anyone would ever find Pavel or if anyone would ever know what had happened to him.
But deep down, I knew the truth: Pavel was lost, swallowed up by the darkness of the cave, trapped with the thing that whimpered, and there was nothing I could do to save him. And as I sat there, alone in the forest, I saw the last stones being pulled by the strange carmesi liquid, loking them in their final place, and with them silencing Pavel to the outside world.

I’ve noticed this sub tends to have a lot of people asking for feedback on their itineraries, but few people returning to the sub to share their reflections post-trip. When I’m planning a trip, I find these sort of trip reports from ordinary people (as opposed to the countless outdoor influencer blogs you find online that rave about everything) to be the most helpful – so I’m posting this here as a way of paying it forward. It’s long, but I’ve used headers to help people skim.

Basic Details:

Who was on the trip: My partner and I, who are both in our 30s and in somewhat above average shape, at least compared to the typical American. We jog/hike/do yoga on a weekly basis, but are by no means super fit. Our style of travel with trips like this is to have fairly full days, but we also don’t like feeling rushed either.
When: May 4 – May 7.
Weather: May 4 and 5 were mostly solid days of rain (moderate to light), May 6 was rain and then scattered showers/sun, May 7 started with light rain and ended with mostly sun. Of course, it was no doubt different in different parts of the park.

Our Itinerary:

Day 1 (Lake Quinault): Because our trip began in the Columbia River George, today we woke up in Portland. We had been warned by a Reddit user that I-5 could get crowded on weekends, so we got up early and arrived at a coffee shop when they opened at 6am and then headed out to Lake Quinault. We encountered no traffic of significance, and arrived around 9:30. We did the 6mi Rainforest Loop trail near the park lodge first. I’d say the trail was a mix of lightly trafficked to moderately trafficked, depending on the section. Then we drove to the North Fork trailhead, stopping to see the big Sitka and the waterwall along the way. Then we hiked the North Fork trail up until Wolf Bar and headed back (5mi). This trail was totally empty, besides the one camper at Wolf Bar. You get a fair number of river views along the way. On the scenic driving loop, we saw a bear and a heard of elk. Then we drove to the Salmon House for dinner, and then checked in to the motel (Lake Quinault Inn).
Reflections: Physically this was a fine amount of hiking for one day, but it was moderate to light rain the entire time, which even though we were prepared in terms of gear, did make everything a bit more taxing (including driving). I would not recommend doing the 6mi version of the Rainforest Loop trail - I'd do the 4mi version instead. You don’t see anything too special in the longer version, and it requires you walk the end bit along the road which is not pleasant nor scenic (I had hoped you’d at least get lake views along the road, but it’s blocked by trees). The hike to Wolf Bar was very lovely, as good as the Hoh River Trail we’d do the next day, and much more remote. The Salmon House was a bit of a letdown – quite expensive and just okay – we split a meal with soup, and while the salmon was tasty, it was nothing special. Lake Quinault Inn is the cheapest option, and it’s perfectly comfortable.
Day 2 (Beaches and Hoh Rainforest): Another early start today to hit a 6am low tide at Beach 4. But beforehand we did a quick stop at the Tree of Life, then Beach 4 for tide-pooling, then Ruby Beach, and then Hoh Rainforest, where we did the Hall of Mosses and River Trail to 5mi Island and Back. Then we drove to Rialto Beach, though did not complete the hike. Stayed in Forks (Far West Motel), had dinner at the Westend Taproom Tip & Sip.
Reflections: The tree of life is a nice short stop, but I wouldn’t recommend people go out of their way to see this – it’s fine, but the experience in-person is not terribly different than the experience looking at a photo. I don’t mean to sound negative here, I’m glad we stopped, but sometimes I see itineraries where people drive all the way from Forks and back just to see this, and I wouldn’t recommend doing that – not worth the drive time. The tide pools at Beach 4 were a bit of a letdown. To be fair, the low tide was approx. 0.6 ft, not a negative tide. So perhaps that if it had been a negative tide, it would have been better. As it was, it was ok – we saw some sea anemones and a few star fish. But the pools we could see were not teaming with life (unlike what we’d experience later at Salt Creek Recreation Area). And the beach itself was less scenic than others we’d visit. Ruby beach was lovely, we spent about an hour there – we couldn’t do the “trail” on Alltrails due to a river crossing, but did hike a bit south to see some shallow caves. Spent about an hour here. Arrived a Hoh at 9:30am and I was a bit worried about potential lines to get in given this was a Sunday, but the parking lot was mostly empty. If you do the River Trail, there isn’t much need to do the other trails – Hall of Mosses does take you to a nice area, but there are equally impressive “halls of mosses” you pass through on the River Trail. Thankfully it was not crowded when we went, but it was started to get busy towards the end and I can see how it could get unpleasant in peak season. Again, it was raining the entire day, and in hindsight we should have not worried about getting to Rialto beach by 4:30pm so we could do hole-in-the-wall at low tide. By the time we did get to Rialto, we were both feeling a bit worn. Then to complete the hole-in-wall you either need to wade through a small river (we did not have gaiters) or clamber over a “bridge” of many downed trees – I felt okay doing this but my partner did not (we saw others do this, as well as many people turn back – I’d say if you are confident in your balance and not too fearful of heights, you’ll be okay – I would not take children though – short legs would make this much, much, harder). We still ended up spending enough time here that by the time we got to Forks, pretty much everything was closed (a lot of places close entirely or early on Sunday) and so the taproom was the only option.
Day 3 (Makah Museum and Ozette Loop): Our options for hiking at low tide were either very early or the afternoon. Initially the plan was do very early, but our bad luck with weather continued – the night before called for a potential morning thunderstorm. And at this point we were both a bit tired of hiking full days in the rain. So we slept in a bit, and then headed straight to the Makah Museum getting there a little after they opened at 10am. Much of this drive is very scenic along the Salish Sea (even saw some seals). Our plan was to re-check the weather once we were done. We spent a little over an hour at the museum, which was enough time to see everything. At that point, the weather in Ozette was looking a bit better so we decided to take a bit of a chance, and I’m so glad we did. Ultimately the weather was basically perfect – we finally got to enjoy a fair bit of sun. There were a few rain showers, but they were all short and light. The loop took us 6hrs, which included lots of time to explore the beach and take breaks. Then we ate dinner at the Breakwater Restaurant and Bar in Clallum Bay and headed to a yurt in a campground off of 101 in the Sol Duc area, arriving after dark.
Reflections: I am very glad today we got some good weather in the park – I know some people enjoy hiking in the rain, and I thought I was one of those people before this trip – but this trip made me realize that my capacity for hiking in the rain is two full days. The beaches, at least in our opinion, are so much more beautiful in the sunshine. Had it been a third full day of rain, I’m not sure what we would have done. In any case, the Ozette Loop was easily my favorite hike the entire time in ONP. The hike through the coastal forest/bogs is lovely, and the beach section was the prettiest beach we went to – not just because of the sun, but it was much more wild, covered in seaweed, crab shells, and all sorts of marine life, whereas the other beaches were mostly just stones. And there are just so many sea stacks, plus you can climb one at Sand Point. We also got to see a big bear on the beach, and found petroglyphs at Wedding Rocks. I think we appreciated these more after going to the museum, as well as the hike in general – the Makah Museum concerns the area of Ozette (the location of the archeological site), so I’d say it’s a must if you do this hike. Also nice was the fact that it was a lightly trafficked trail. The Breakwater Restaurant and Bar exceeded our expectations – the fried fish sandwiches are huge, and you get a great view of the sea.
Day 4 (Sol Duc, Salt Creek Recreation, Lake Crescent, Hurricane Ridge): Another early start, waking up at 5:30. This was because we wanted to get to Salt Creek in time for a -1.6 tide at 9am. We hiked the Sol Duc trail, which was practically empty when we arrived – we only saw three people the whole time. Then we headed to Salt Creek to catch the tide, picking up some excellent pie at the Blackberry Cafe along the way. I agree with everyone who says these tide pools are the best – they are excellent – teeming with life, though we only saw one blood star and no star fish. We also saw lots of seals in the water. You do need good shoes for this. A little over an hour was enough time for tide-pooling and eating pie while watching the seals frolic. From there we hiked the Devil’s Punchbowl trail, then we headed up Hurricane Ridge. Dealing with a last minute AirBNB cancelation had eaten up a bit of time en route to Hurricane Ridge, so we didn’t have much time for hiking up there, and given all the snow we mainly just enjoyed the view and hiked a bit of the way along the Hurricane Hill trail. Then we got fruit ice-cream at Welly’s and took the Kingston Ferry to Seattle.
Reflections: Today was another good weather day, thankfully – though it rained in the morning during the Sol Duc hike, otherwise it was mostly sunny and clear, allowing great views up at hurricane ridge (though we could see storms in the distance). This was an easy day, but as this point in the trip, that’s what we needed. Port Angeles is a cute town with really good coffee, I certainly see the advantage of staying here – probably would have switched the Sol Duc campground for a night in PA, even though it would have added a bit of driving.

Final Thoughts:

Sol Duc vs. Hoh vs. Quinault Rainforests: Hoh and Quinault are extremely similar in terms of flora and fauna, Sol Duc is similar but the trees are notably less covered in moss. That said, if you are short on time I wouldn’t feel compelled to see either Hoh or Quinault – they are lovely, but I’m not sure it’s worth the drive if you have less than two full days, and you’ll get the general idea at Sol Duc.
How long do you need: I’m glad we had four mostly full days. But I think a shorter trip that would capture most of the magic of ONP would include Hurricane Ridge, Salt Creek, Lake Crescent, Sol Duc, and Ozette Loop. I imagine one could do that in two full days.
Early May Timing: We did the trip when we did because I had a work trip to Seattle at the very end of April. I don’t regret it at all, but I’d recommend doing a trip mid to late May instead for a better chance of more sun-to-rain ratio. We perhaps got a bit unlucky with weather – the day after we left, even Forks was predicted to get over a week of pure sunshine. In any case, the benefit of going when we did is the crowds were negligible. We never had an issue with parking, and Hurricane Ridge was the only time we were around many people. Even the Hoh River Trail was lightly trafficked (perhaps because of the rain).
What to bring: We both have good 3L raincoats, and they really came in handy on this trip, as did rain pants. Trekking poles were also good to have, especially for the stream crossings on North Fork and Hoh River – but we split a pair and that was fine. I was glad to have GTX trail runners, but never felt like I needed waterproof boots – gaiters would have made some of the beach hikes with small “rivers” easier though. Gloves are also essential, as are lots of wool socks.
Ok, this was a long post but feel free to ask me any questions!

Joy
“Please don’t do this to me! I’ll die out there!” Tiffany crumpled to the floor, phone shaking against her ear.
A gruff voice crackled. “I’m sorry Tiffany, our runner in your area got caught on his latest delivery. My other guy barely made it back. He saw Jimmy get hauled into the van. They’ve probably torn him apart by now.”
“Please…I don’t have any food left in the house. I’ll never make it out there. They’ll spot me immediately.”
“Listen, listen Tiff. It’s going to be OK. Listen to me alright? There’s a shop one block away from you.”
“I can’t!”
“You have to! OK, all you have to do is get in and get out. Put on the darkest sunglasses you have. You have shades right?”
Tiffany glanced up to the cabinet. Her terrified face reflected at her through the polarized lenses. “Uh-huh”
“That’s good, that’s real good. Now you put those on and grab enough food for a week while I find a replacement runner OK?”
“O-OK”
“And Tiffany?”
“Remember to smile, smile as wide as you can and never drop it. You know what happens if they suspect…”
“I know, thanks Mark.”
Tiffany hung up the phone with a shuddering exhale. She stood up and looked herself over in the mirror. A terrified blonde woman stared back, eyes wide with fear.
She wiped her tears and smoothed out her locks. She grasped her oversized sunglasses with trembling hands and put them on. She bent over, adjusting them carefully to ensure no trace of her eyes could be seen.
Glancing down, she looked over her list of food. Enough for a week…get in, get out…and smile.
Before turning to leave, she smiled into the mirror. The upturned mouth seemed almost foreign to her; she hadn’t laughed since everyone had been Torn. There weren’t many of her left in the world; the Joyous reigned supreme.
She stretched her smile as wide as it could go, until her cheeks strained with the effort. Exhaling through her teeth, she grasped the handle. The doorknob shook from her grip. Get it together…in and out…
She twisted the knob and threw the door open.
An eyeless face sprang up to meet her.
Tiffany screamed and jumped back.
“Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!”
Tiffany clutched her heaving chest, trying to calm herself. The woman standing in on her stoop had no eyes, only dark, empty sockets each gleaming with a glowing pinprick of light. An enormous smile spread from ear to ear.
Tiffany forced words from her paralyzed mind. “Oh, it’s alright, I was just about to get some shopping done!”
The woman stared unblinking with her flickering pits. She lifted a newspaper. “I saw this blow over onto the street, so I thought I’d bring this little ol’ newsie inside!” She let out a raucous laugh.
Tiffany accepted the paper, praying she looked relaxed. She took a quick glimpse at the headline.
Joy! New York Mayor Declares City over 99% Pure on 1-Year Anniversary!
“Aww, I see you have just been Freed. Congratulations dear. How do you like the colors?” The woman bent her head closer to Tiffany’s face. Her heart hammered in her throat as her eyes were drawn to the woman’s scars. Black lines spider webbed all across her body, down her arms, over her face, and plunged down her low cut shirt. “Aw, I remember when I was freed; I didn’t really have scars either. I found a great doctor who touched me up; I can share his number with you!” She lifted her neck, showing off her scars wrapped around her throat.
“Yes, the colors they’re so…beautiful. Yeah…the doctors said I was one of the lucky ones, guess tough skin runs in the family.” Tiffany tried to laugh as she spoke.
The woman leaned back; her smile somehow widening even more. “Ah! Tragic! Stay safe y’hear? A naughty somebody escaped the hospital recently, ah, there he is now. Isn’t he silly?” She pointed to the distance.
Tiffany turned her head in the direction of her arm. Her heart sank to her stomach.
The street rose in an incline. The distant figure of a man climbed into sight at the crest of the hill. His sandy hair was unmistakable.
Tiffany lifted a trembling hand to her mouth. Jimmy?
Jimmy was naked with blood pouring in rivets all down the front of his torso. As she squinted, she realized that Jimmy’s body wasn't moving; it hung limp, limbs dangling in the air. Her darting eyes widened as she saw his legs hovered off the road.
Four thick tendrils pulsated out of Jimmy’s gaping mouth. The dark trunks spilled out onto the ground, suspending his frame in midair. The shadowy pillars supported his body like makeshift legs. Jimmy lolled back and forth as the inhuman limbs propelled him down the hill like a beast.
Tiffany’s stomach churned in knots as he careened down the street. He couldn’t speak but his bulging eyes darting all around spoke all that was needed. Her gaze adhered to the incomprehensible stalks that moved of their own accord. The tentacles shimmered and writhed all over, smaller tendrils branching off, thrashing independently of one another.
Right as he passed Tiffany, he tripped and skidded to the ground. The husks all around her burst into raucous laughter at the sight of it clamoring back up.
The woman doubled over in giggles. “Ooh, you silly goose, don’t even know what’s good for ya!”
Jimmy’s chest bloated and bubbled. The bulge traveled up his throat, extending it to an inhuman width. A horrid squelching erupted as two pink sacs attached to tubes slithered out of his mouth, traveling along the lengths of the trunks. Tiffany could barely support her own weight at the sight of Jimmy’s lungs pulsating in frantic breaths.
Her horrified gaze watched as the lungs enlarged in a deep breath, a gurgling crescendoing in pitch. They expanded to full size and hung still for an instant. Then exploded in desperate screams.
“HELP ME! PLEASE, I’M ALIVE LIKE YO-”
With the roar of an engine and the screech of tires, a vehicle slammed into Jimmy’s body. A spray of blood rained on Tiffany and the crowd. A white van screeched to a halt just as Jimmy flew through the air, all eight limbs flailing in the wind.
No amount of bracing could prepare Tiffany for the sound of bones crushing as Jimmy landed in a bloody mess on the asphalt. The crowd of husks whooped and hollered. The drivers clambered out of the vehicle and took deep bows, grinning broadly.
Wiping off blood, Tiffany inspected the logo on the van. It displayed two cartoon men each standing on the side of another person. The person was divided into two halves. One side was human with a smiling face while the other was a shadowy figure, screaming in agony. The smiling men each pulled on an arm as if separating the halves.
“Sorry folks! We had a feisty one here, we’ll take care of it from here!” He drew a syringe from his pocket.
“That’s OK! Need a hand?” The woman called back to enthusiastic nods from the crowd. The van driver waved his arm in the direction of Jimmy’s limb body.
Tiffany blinked back burning tears as she watched Jimmy twitch on the ground. The husks closed in around him, laughing as they surrounded him. She wanted nothing more than to just retreat inside and vomit. But an opportunity presented itself.
Streams of people poured out of the shop ahead, drawn to the spectacle on the street. The sidewalks leading up to the store cleared. Her path would never be this open again. Tearing her eyes from Jimmy, she walked as fast as possible to the market, her smile twitching in anguish.
After what felt like hours, she stood at the entrance to the food mart. She moved her jaw around to loosen it, almost flinching as it popped. OK…in and out…then you’re safe. Running over her mental list one last time, she barged inside.
A wave of frigid air washed over her. She scanned the shop, exhaling out a sigh of relief as she confirmed it was mostly empty. Only a mother pushing a stroller joined her in the market.
Tiffany whipped out a shopping cart and sped down aisle by aisle. Eyes darting, she grasped each item on her list as if it were manna from heaven. Her breathing eased as she made it to the other side of the store without incident. A small bit of happiness welled up within her as she looked over her bulging wagon. It was enough to last her two weeks, two blissful weeks of safety. All she had to do was get out.
She strolled to the checkout lane. The mother was in front of her, the groceries crinkling as they were bagged by the cheerful cashier. Tiffany’s knuckles gripped the cart so hard they turned white. Please…just pay and leave…
Tiffany’s heart skipped a beat as the mother twisted her neck to look at her. Empty sockets crinkled as the young woman’s smile widened. “Why hello there! Any idea what the ruckus is out there?” A collective cheer erupted outside in the distance.
Tiffany shook her head, trying to push Jimmy’s battered body out of her thoughts.
She glanced at Tiffany’s cart. “Big haul. You having a party?”
Tiffany nodded, almost forgetting to breathe.
“Am I invited? Where do you live?”
Tiffany gulped. The mother roared with laughter. “Oh dearie me, I’m just kidding you. I’d love to go but this little man down here takes up all my time. Wanna say hi?”
Tiffany nodded again, her cheeks screaming with the strain of her fake smile. The mother lifted the hood of the stroller and wheeled it around, facing Tiffany. An eyeless baby cooed up at her, its sockets nearly taking up half its face. Black scars lined its entire body, lashing its face that carved itself into a wide smile.
Tiffany screamed in terror, flinging herself back.
CLACK!
Light streamed into her eyes as they watered. Time almost stopped as she glanced down at her sunglasses. Shuddering, she looked back up. The mother, baby, and cashier stared at her.
Without taking his sockets off her, the cashier pressed a button on the counter. An intercom crackled to life. “Attention all employees. We have someone in pain over here. Please call the authorities while we restrain her.”
Tiffany threw the cart to the ground, sprinting to the glass double doors. Talon-like fingers dug into her shoulder right as she reached the exit. “NO! PLEASE LET ME GO! PLEASE!”
But the mother just giggled into her ear. “Now why would I do that, sweetie? Don’t worry, we’re going to help you. See? They’re already here to heal you!”
Tiffany’s heart sank into her stomach as she watched the same van that crashed into Jimmy park outside. Two men dressed in scrubs burst out the back, wheeling out a gurney. Her eyes bulged as she gazed at the restraints gleaming cruelly in the morning light.
The smiling men jaunted over to her. Tiffany ground her heel into the mother’s toes; the arms holding her released. She rushed forward to the man on the left, throwing a wild punch in desperation.
To her surprise, her knuckles connected, slamming the man’s head back to its side. Rough hands grabbed her arms by the elbows, jerking them behind her.
The man she’d punched twisted his head back, the unnatural smile still plastered on his face. “Now, now simmer down, young lady. He snatched her kicking feet and lifted her in tandem with the other man.
With inhuman strength, they slammed her onto the gurney. She flailed, straining her limbs against their grasp. Her shoulders popped in their sockets, her screams erupting in pain and fear.
CLICK!
Cold metal clamped down on her right wrist. Three more clicks restrained her completely.
“No, no, no, please! Just let me go! I’ll never bother you again!” Tiffany half screamed and half sobbed.
One man chuckled. “Oops! Gotta make some room!”
She wailed as she watched the men drag Jimmy’s corpse out of the back and toss it on the sidewalk. The doors slammed shut, and the vehicle sped off.
Desperation gave way to despair for Tiffany, she wept bitterly. She gasped as the men wiped away tears on each side of her face. They lifted their fingers to their eyeless pits, staring in wonder at the droplet forming, mouths parted and making soft cooing sounds.
“I remember my last tear, what about you Ted?” The man on her right whispered.
The man on the left nodded, sucking his finger. “Yeah…I almost miss the taste.” They both roared in laughter at the same time.
The van jolted to a halt. The men flung the doors open. “Don’t worry missy, it will all be over soon!”
She shook her head, pleading for anyone she passed to help her as she was wheeled into the hospital. All she received were condescending smiles, and pats on the hand. She was sped into an operating room. Her eyes widened in terror at the sight of the tearing chair.
A medical bed lay in the middle of the chamber. A bar of light hung at the bed’s foot. The bar crossed over the width of the bed, attached to a track that ran along the length from the bottom to the top. Her heart sank. She’d expected cutting instruments but the lack of them frightened her even more.
A grinning doctor finished washing her hands in the nearby sink, pulling latex gloves on. “Oh dearie me, look at this poor soul. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten freed one so large! The gals will take it from here, boys!” The men giggled as they left the room.
Masked women in scrubs burst from the doors to assist. Even behind the masks, their smiles were visible. They all carried scissors. Within seconds, they snipped off all of her clothes leaving her naked in the gurney.
The doctor lifted a syringe, the end dripping with sedative. “Now we need you to be still for this next part sweetie!” She rammed the needle into her hip and thumbed the plunger down. She gasped as the burning liquid clouded into her bloodstream. At once, her extremities deadened, all feeling and control gone.
A pair of arms gripped each of her limbs as she was lifted off the gurney and thrown onto the medical bed. The doctor looked down at her at the foot of the bed, grasping the bar of light. It pulsated in waves of color as she clinked it into place over Tiffany’s feet so that the luminescence only hovered an inch over her skin.
The soles of her feet writhed in agony in the light’s presence. Tiffany screamed at the burning tendrils within her feet. A horrific thought pierced her torment in a single moment of clarity. Something is moving inside me. Using the last vestiges of motor control left, she lifted her head an inch, eyes glued to her feet.
Various ridges rolled around on the tops of her feet, almost as if something flailed to get away from the brilliant light. The doctor traced a finger over the thrashing bulges. “Yes, the time for your last pain draws near, little one. No longer will you torment this young woman. No longer.” She placed both hands on the instrument bar. “Now, I must warn you. This will hurt…more than anything you’ve ever felt in your life. But what awaits you on the other side is…” She laughed.
“Please…” Tiffany whimpered, but the doctor pushed the bar of light up her legs.
Torture. Pure agony. Tiffany screamed to the point she thought her jaw might pop off its hinges. The writhing in her feet intensified, pulling and tearing at her skin…
A spurt of blood spewed over the doctor’s face. “Ah, we’ve crowned!”
“WHAT IS THIS?!” Tiffany screeched as she looked down. Blackened tentacles whipped violently back and forth, sprouting from her feet.
“Oh, it’s the sickness my sweet…it must be purged. Deep breath and here we go!” She pushed the bar of light even further along its track, this time going up her legs.
Molten lines of agony traced themselves up her legs in tandem with the glow. Tiffany’s eyes rolled up into her head and then back down again, casting her world in revolving darkness and light. The skin at her legs tore, thicker tendrils bursting out in viscous spray.
The dark veins slapped at the doctor's face but a smiling nurse grasped the flailing trunks and pinned them down as the doctor pressed on above her knees and up her thighs. Her skin bubbled and burst as the bleeding mass on each limb fled from the light. Tiffany stared transfixed at the monster birthed from her, the spindly body, the erratic, desperate movement of a trapped beast.
The bar stopped just below her groin. “This is probably the worst part dearie, brace yourself.’ She yanked it forward, up to her abdomen.
Tiffany’s voice tore, her throat bleeding raw. She’s never given birth before; the monster springing out from her womanhood made a poor substitute for a child.
“There you go baby. You’re doing so well. Halfway done!”
The instrument slid up her stomach, passing over her arms. The sickness within gripped her organs in a vain attempt to resist being torn out. Strands of obsidian wrested themselves out of her torso only to be collected and restrained by the unflinching nurses. Up her body they all went, up her chest, her shoulders, and on to her neck.
Right at the base of her chin, the bar of light chinked as it came to the end of its track. The beast within Tiffany screeched, straining at the nurses restraints. Forgetting the pain for an instant, Tiffany croaked through torn vocal chords. “What is this thing?”
The doctor wiped blood out of her sockets. “It’s your parasite, what you thought you were. I know it hurts; this thing feeds off pain. Don’t worry. We’re almost done.”
She pivoted two smaller bars of lights up to Tiffany’s head, one on each side. They swung in such a way that they would meet in the middle. Her eyes swiveled independently of each other, as if they too feared the light. The doctor smiled at the erratic movement.
“Oh, yes.” She whispered. “Feel fear. It’s what you deserve; it’s all you deserve.” She grasped each bar and clamped them together.
Blinding pressure built up in Tiffany’s eardrums as if she were being stabbed in each ear with knives aching to meet in the middle. An incessant ringing tingled, building up pitch and intensity until it was all she could hear. Her brain lit aflame, seething at the burning from the sound. “MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!” Her mouth uttered the words, but she couldn’t hear her voice anymore.
Like a cord being unplugged from a speaker, her world fell silent one pull at a time. Black tendrils whipped in her sight as the beast fled from her ear canals. The lights passed in her vision.
The doctor spoke unheard words. She tried to close her eyes, but they weren’t hers anymore. They swiveled all about in their sockets, trying to escape her skull.
But there was no escape, not for a parasite. The lights slammed shut, meeting in the middle right over her. The kaleidoscope of luminescence overtook everything. Her world melded to an ever changing sea of merging lights.
Her thoughts, her consciousness, her very essence whirled in her brain. A dark hole sprouted in her psyche. Her being swirled around the murky depths of her existence spinning to the choreography of the lights pulse. Round and round it went until she thought her last words. Who am I? All grew dark.
—---------
The operating room light blinded Tiffany. She tried to close her eyes but found she had no lids.
She saw the metal tray she lay on.
She saw the black, spindly lengths of her body laying in a tangled heap in the tray.
She saw Tiffany laying on the medical table. What?
Her psyche ran stark with shock as she watched herself sit up from the medical table. Her eyes were gone, replaced with two glowing pits burning in deep sockets. Blood trails criss crossed all over her venous scars. Tears of crimson flowed from her pits as she sobbed into her hands.
No…that’s me? But then…who am I?
She glanced up and received her horrifying answer. An operating mirror hung on the ceiling above her. What she had once thought as herself was now nothing more than a pair of eyeballs attached to a spinal stem with nervous branches tangled and heaped in a small tray.
She was the parasite.
The real Tiffany sobbed, a wide smile stretching across her face. “Colors…so many colors…”
The doctor handed her a pair of sunglasses. “Here, put these on and keep them on for the next couple of weeks. The parasites could only see a thin spectrum of light. You can see all of it now, it’s a bit overwhelming at first but you get used to it.”
The real Tiffany placed the sunglasses on her face then clutched at her chest. “What….what is this feeling? It burns yet…it’s warm all over..”
The doctor knelt at the real Tiffany’s side. “It’s happiness…” She giggled. “Pure happiness, it’s what that parasite over there denied you.” The doctor shot a glare to the nerve bundle that used to be Tiffany.
The real Tiffany released her chest. “How long has it been inside of me?”
The doctor stood up. “We aren’t sure when these parasites fused with humans but it must have been millennia ago. They have been entwined with us so long we even once thought they were part of our bodies. The nervous system, what a cruel joke. These things thrive off of our happiness and only feed us pain in return.”
The doctor shot the nerve bundle a look. Even though she smiled, Tiffany could feel the doctor’s contempt radiating. “Look how pathetic it is. Can’t even move anymore. These things rely on our central brain systems to move. Once separated, they are immobile. It’s rather ironic that they only try to move as we cut into their feeding supply.”
The real Tiffany hugged the doctor who returned the embrace. “Thank you…for freeing me.” The doctor rubbed her back.
They released each other. The real Tiffany looked over at the nerve bundle that used to be her. “What do we do with…it?”
The doctor grasped the nerve bundle unceremoniously in her palm. Wait…no! I’m-I’m me!
“We will cast her into the depths to which she came from of course!” The doctor laughed as she brought the nerve bundle to a trash chute. The nerve bundle glanced down, recoiling in horror. No light graced her final destination.
“Good riddance.” The nerve bundle was released and cast into the void. It landed with a plop amongst the other writhing bundles, rueing the day it ever thought it truly existed.

Sionia
Chapter12
Map First Previous Note: Reddit Tech support fixed map bug. Use mouse wheel/ button to zoom and navigate
Standing inside the opulent chamber of the forth tower alone, I made sure nothing was left behind. Heading down to a parking area for carriages and carts off to the right of the main entrance to the keep where my people where gathered. They were mostly settling who could ride where and seeing to their personal gear and supplies. I had a cart specifically for baggage for my people with my cart only for my items and food supplies.
I shocked myself with realization that I had fully adopted a nobility's frame of mind as I now referred to those before me as my people. Looking over as Evito came trotting up slightly out of breath, I gave him a slight nod.
“Come as I must do as I was commanded.” Evito stated as he saluted me with a half bow before leading me to the ornate carriage.
The carriage was well made and really just needed a good coat of paint and some polishing as it showed signs of neglect and years of unuse. The Duke”s insignia had been removed which looked rough where it was sanded off. Evito opening the door motioned me inside.
Closing the door and making a grand show of the door lock before lifting up a metal reinforced window shade. Once the window shades on one side were up and locked into place, Evito then lowering another set above the windows that were louvered that allowed light inside the carriage but had a cheese cloth type of covering matching the deep maroon color of the inside of the carriage so no one could peer outside easily.
“The window shields should be used when under attack. You can open the upper view slots for light and can peer out without showing yourself. As you can see, there is even these three here where you can give orders to the driver. The back two you can give orders to the servants on the tiger perch. If you lift up the seat here in the back, you have storage space as you can see your property there. Here in the front is slightly different. You will notice when you lift up the seat, it looks the same as the back. However, if you reach here,this opens up and you can store high valuables. I would recommend storing your riding gear and overcoats in the front storage. Your Lordship should get a strongbox from the tradesman's guild and put about three silver, four sceats, twenty five koper and a few pelano and some mites in it. Store that strong box in the storage area of the back bench. All bandits and raiders know a noble has money. If you are caught and forced to submit, you can hand over this chest and not lose a fortune.” Evito explained the intricacies of the carriage Duke Boasag gifted me.
“I see. Very good advise. Thank you, Evito.” I said with gratitude.
Closing the upper louvers and then opening the windows, Evito then flipped a switch and lowered the glass window next to the back bench.
"All the windows have this lever as you can see. Slide the lever like this and you can lower the window for more air. Should you wish to close the window, just lift the window up and slide the lever back to keep window in place. You will notice two sword hangers set on each side of the carriage and a shield holder up there. I would recommend you get swords for them and not hang your personal one. Up in the front corner there is your personal water cask and silver cup. It it is strapped to the front right corner of the carriage where only the spigot shows inside. I have seen that it is already filled. Lastly, if you lift these two panels and flip the leg here, it becomes a travel bed. That is all I have to to show and have fulfilled my duty.” Evito stated with a salute and a bowing nod then opened the carriage door where he returned to the keep.
I stepped out and called to my soldiers, Razor and Meowth. I spoke to Lars asking him to place the guard around our party and to make a plan for when we would have two more carriages and two more carts by the time we left Trikath. I then spoke to Razor and Meowth asking them to take up position in the tiger stand of the front two carriages. I then asked Razor to inform the wolf kin brothers to take the tiger position on the third carriage as they would be responsible for guarding that carriage while traveling on the road. Lastly, Pamba was being spoiled by Rina and would be riding with her for the time being.
With everyone saddled and settled, I called out to Lars to head directly to Trikath's tradesman's guild as I entered the carriage. I immediately lowered two of the windows, the side louvers and one back louver as it was a warm day. About twenty minutes later, we entered through the gates of Trikath that looked like any typical medieval city in Europe back on earth. The only difference was that the city streets were much cleaner with a well drained baked brick road.
The tradesman's merchant's guild was similar to Id but larger. Once there, I was met by a thirty something man with black hair and blue eyes.
“Welcome to the Green Trading Company and tradesman's guild. Master Porgisl owner and Guild Master. I am Fronz the manager of this branch. You must be Count Wyatt. I have been informed by Evito to procure items and will help with any other transactions.” Fronz introduced himself with a formal bow and salute.
“Nice to meet you Fronz. I would like to get two more fully fitted out carts without florses. I also will be needing things from the storefront.” I requested with a slight nod.
"As you wish" Fronz stated as he led the way to the storefront.
In the merchant's building storefront, I had Tiana and Rana get the things they would need to do their work. I also had my head cook Big Jake an imposing man come with me. It seemed that size mattered with cooks as a sign their food was good. Anyway, I had Big Jake select cook and service ware for travel and six water casks which he was to fill and install on the carts and the two new carriages. I had Gus and Lorna select some personal grooming items along with towels, linens and mattresses for the Order of Knights that would fit in a cart. I also had them get any other basic items for the road trip that they could think of.
I picked up a very high quality strongbox that was longer but not wider or deeper with four keys. While there, I also picked up a couple of blank keys. Seeing some really nice looking padlocks which were definitely more advanced than what was expected, I bought the entire lot of ten which came with four keys each. Finally, I got several large soft marking chalk blocks with a slate board that was about a foot square.
Finished with shopping, I asked Fronz my wish to hire two stable hands, three drivers and a blacksmith since I did not see those trades previously when I was hiring servants. A little over a half an hour later, I hired two teenage boys and a very well muscled late twenties man named Luke Smith with blonde hair and green eyes. Luke's occupation oddly enough matched the meaning of his surname. The stable boys were both brown haired and brown eyed and around fifteen years old. The first was Brad and the other was Tim. Both were orphans and had no surname. All three were to care for and look after all the florses which I had a total of forty one now. Luke loaded up his anvil, toolbox and bellows in the back of the last cart the baggage one for our party. Both Brad and Tim would be riding a florse making sure the strings of florses were alright and deal with any issues that might arise on that front. The drivers were Matt a twenty four year old young man with brown hair and eyes. Doug a twenty five year old with lite brown hair and green eyes and Jace a twenty eight year old with red hair and green eyes. They were trained to drive carriages and carts for the merchants and guild and now would be driving the carriages with my footmen learning on the fly with the two new carts.
Back at the dock about an hour and half later since I arrived, Fronz approached me as he was writing on a type of clipboard that had a small inkwell attached to it.
“Lord Wyatt, your total bill will be twenty one eight six dinari.” Fronz stated as he read from his invoice.
“Very good.” I replied and took out three silver coins and handed them to Fronz.“Here is eight erytho and fourteen koper.” Fronz stated as he gave my change from his strongbox.
“Great and thank you Fronz.” I replied with a smile and pocketed the change as I was wearing my bluejeans.
“It is a pleasure to be at your assistance Lord Wyatt. We welcome your business anytime.”Fronz stated with a salute and a deep bow.
I then sorted our party again as I had the new carts fitted with mattresses for the Order of Knights. Old Maude would ride in the cart with Reagan and Guntar with apprentice doctors with Sir Jas and Cleef. I had my extra florses put onto four strings where two strings would be tied to the baggage carts. The girls were split up equally between the two new carriages with Lorna assigned with Freya, Illya and Rina in their carriage and Wynna, one of my chambermaids, in the other. The rest of my servants would split up to ride in carts except the cart with my earth items. Big Jake would drive my cart that had food rations that Evito provided and Luke would drive the baggage cart.
Retrieving my tool box, the power station, two swords and my shield which was transferred to my carriage. I also placed a padlock on the five crates that belong to myself that stored all the earth items. I ordered Big Jake to tie my crates down with rope so they would not shift while traveling.
Once everyone was sorted, I called everyone to load up with a grand gesture. However, I insisted Gus riding on the drivers bench with Jace rather than with me as would be normal for the first leg of the journey. I just did not want him to see and ask questions or what I planned to work on.
With a wave of my hand out the carriage door to Lars, our party began traveling out of Trikath and heading straight south on the King's Highway. While we were traveling, I transferred the strongbox contents to the new one as the old strongbox was almost over flowing as I had placed the contents of Shu's box into mine leaving that box with documents for the guild to deal with. Putting my new strongbox along with the power station in the the cubby hide just like my cart had but better crafted as the cubby was a false floor type rather than a blocked off section. I then began working on making a key for the first strongbox with a couple of files from earth. I cut a chalk block into thick pencils which I shaved for dust and used the slate board to help identify the key slot locations and depth.
“I am the man!” I cheered as I turned the key in the lock and it clicked after an hour and a half of work.
Placing in the strongbox five erythro, five sceates and four koper where I locked it up. It was unfortunate that I had no mites but I would resolve that later. I then secured the strongbox under the back bench and the toolbox in the cubby under the front bench. With a satisfied sigh, I drew the curtains of the carriage and laid down as I was still quiet tired from not enough sleep since I arrived in Sionia. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to peacefully nap.
A knock on the door wakened me where I raised up and pulled the curtain back.
“Lord Wyatt we have arrived at a good place to camp for the evening meal.” Announced Lars with Gus standing next to him.
“Very good.” I stated as Gus opened the door to let me out.
“Lord Wyatt, Lady Freya Thor requests to dine with your this evening.” Gus stated with a salute and bow.“ I see. Very well. Please inform the lady of acceptance.” I stated as Rana and Tiana came up.
“Would you like to wash up?” Asked Tiana with a flick of her left ear.
“Yes,that would be nice Tiana.” I answered with a nod.
“Would you like to change into something more comfortable, Lord Wyatt?” Asked Rana as she was seeking to be of service.
“Yes, I would like that. The dark green outfit would do nicely" I answered.
“Lord Wyatt, what kind of meal would you like this evening?” Asked Big Jake with expectancy.
I sighed and shook my head.
“Listen Big Jake, just be responsible with the rations we have. We are expected to be on the road for fifteen days. Just make sure that you do not cause us to run out of food. If we need to buy more or something else, then we will. If you need meat, ask Lars over there to have one of his men go hunting. Just show me what you can do with the rations we have. OK?” I explained as I was not expecting to have to directly deal with this kind of minute detail.
“Yes, Lord Wyatt. I so sorry to upset you!” Big Jake said with his lower lip quivering as he bowed deep.
“I am not upset. You are a very good cook. I would call you a grand chef given your qualifications. As to food questions, I do not know what rations we have. So, making any demand now is not something I should do. In time, you will learn what I like and do not like. But for now, just make the meals as good as you can but do not waste the rations as we have a long journey.” I explained hoping not to cause the gentle giant of a man to cry.
“Thank you, Lord Wyatt. No one has ever allow me to just make anything without direction. I promise to make you an amazing meal.” Big Jake said with pride.
“Very good. Will be looking forward to it. Oh, Lady Freya will be joining me and perhaps Ladies Illya and Rina too. Keep that in mind if the rations provided are to be divided. I would prefer that everyone eats the same general meal. Though, you can vary it for my guests and myself.” I continued to explain my preferences.
“Yes, Lord Wyatt. I will get to work right away.” Big Jake replied and scurried off toward where the cooking fires were lit.
Lukas and Stephan set up a walled curtain enclosure bought by Gus to allow bathing and dressing while on the road that sat between the first two carriages. This was done so the girls group could wash up in privacy. While Freya was washing up, I decided to check on Sir Jas and the knights and see to my own constitutional.
“How are you doing Sir Jas, Cleef, Gunthar and Reagan.” I stated as I walked up to where they were lying before a fire.
“Actually not too bad. We thank you for the mattresses. It was a godsend for us. We rode very comfortably.” Sir Jas stated with a smile and a salute from his lying position.
“Yeah, it is more than what we would have gotten from the Order.” Reagan stated with sour look and a salute.
“He is not wrong. We thank you.” Stated Guntar with a nod and Salute from where he was sitting.
Cleef just made a grunting yes nodding of his head, mouth and cheeks were still swollen and speaking was excruciatingly painful.
“I am glad. Let me know if you need anything.” I stated as I rose from my squatting position near Sir Jas.
“Wait, Lord Wyatt.” Pleaded Sir Jas as I was about to leave.“Yes, what is it?” I replied with curiosity.
“We have all been talking and how we are now traveling confirms our decision. We would like to join your House as Knights. We will have to ask his Grace Duke Avondale who is Lord Marshal for transfer. General Bondi who is over all of the Knight Orders is away in the east reinforcing and insuring the defenses at Caladan, Norrbotten and Red Keep with the third, forth and fifth Order of Knights.” Sir Jas requested with a salute and nod which all the others did as well.
“I am touched. However, you know I do not have any lands or manor. I cannot in good conscious accept.” I replied with a shake of my head and sad look.
“Should you be awarded with a manor or lands would you accept?” Asked Sir Jas hopefully.
“If and I do mean “IF” and I have enough room and can support you properly, then yes, I will accept your vows of fealty.” I promised with a smile.
“We look forward to serving you for we are certain you will be amply rewarded.” Stated Sir Jas with another nod and salute.
After meeting with the Knights, I talked with Old Maude who was resting as the apprentices from doctor Zalzworth were doing most of the work. I allowed her to see to my wounds and apply the elven salve. Next, I sought out the guards to insure the posting of the watch so that everyone had a break and ample time to eat. After this, I met with the wolf kin brothers Conan and Connor. The only way to tell them apart was their eye color. Conan had gray eyes and Connor had olive eyes. I asked them to take the watch equally over the females to ensure no one bothers them. With Razor and Meowth, they said they would stretch their legs then head back to get food and rest up a bit which I agreed with.
Back at my carriage, I was met by Tiana who had set up a bronze bowl next to my carriage and proceeded to remove my shirt and wash my upper body with heavily scented water and soap. When finished, Tiana applied a similarly scented oil with extra attention to my underarms. Rana brought me the green outfit with excitement. Gus and Tiana helped me donned the outfit and Rana quickly went to wash my shirt for it to be ready in the morning. Gus combed my hair and placed the beret hat on my head. I then belted on my sword and gun belt and headed to a table set aside for me to eat the evening meal.
Just as Freya and the girls were finishing up and streaming out of the enclosure, Meowth came jogging up.
“Meow Lord Wyatt, do not be alarmed but there is three people watching our group. Razor Tom is keeping close watch on them. They are made up of a tom kitten, an old tomcat and a meowther. They are in the trees before the fluff fields.” Meowth said as she nodded toward the forest belt and the cotton fields beyond.
“Good to know. Where is Razor?” I asked as I stood up and was waving at Lars to get his attention.
“Razor Tom is over there up in the big meowoak tree, meow Lord Wyatt” Meowth said with a flick of her right ear and stiff tail that actually was pointing in the direction of Razor.
“Well done. Keep watch on the women and restrict them to near the carriages until we sort these guests out. Let Lady Freya know so she can keep the rest calm.” I ordered with a slight nod of my head.
“Purrrfect, meow Lord Wyatt.” Meowth replied as she jogged off to speak with Freya.
“How can I be of service, Lord Wyatt?” Lars asked as he approached followed by a short bow, salute and chest bump.
“My body guards Razor and Meowth spotted three people watching our group. Razor is up in the big oak tree behind me keeping close watch on them.” I stated and paused because of the horrified shocked look on Lars' face.
Lars took a knee with a deep bow of his head said, “I apologize for my failure along with the men under my command. Our first day to be so tainted! I beg for your forgiveness.” Lars said as he groveled before me.
“There is no harm done this time. See that you post your men better and have them do a proper scouting of the area in the future. Last thing I want is to have to go into battle from a surprise attack that was preventable.” I admonished with a stern look and a pointing finger.
“Yes, Lord Wyatt. We your house guards will show you our true worth from this day forward!” Lars promised with a double fist bump to the chest and a salute.
“Good enough. Now, have six men flank them and find out who they are. If they are locals, ask them to return home. If they are not, bring them to me but do not harm them unless they become violent.” I replied with my orders.
“At your command, Lord Wyatt.” Lars said with fist chest bump with salute and immediate ran to where five of his men were relaxing before a fire.
Lars with the five men split up into two groups of three. They then made a very wide circle to get behind the trio watching our party.
Big Jake at this point brought some warmed up bread and a type of green herb dip along with sliced apples and some lamb slices mixed with onion, garlic, two types of squash and a variety of herbs.
“Lady Freya, I am glad you are here. Lady Illya and Lady Rina you too are most welcome.” I stated with a formal bow and sweeping arm as the ladies approached.
“Thank you, Ryan for this little pleasure.” Freya said with a nice smile.
“Yes, we thank you too.” Said Illya quickly also speaking for Rina.
We then seated ourselves and began to eat the bread with the herb dip that was incredibly delicious as Lorna and Gus were pouring a nice sweet vinqua made from berries. The herb dip was amazing as it appeared to be a butter, garlic and herb mixture. However, it also had the undeniable taste of olive oil too.
Just as Tiana was plating out the main dish for our group, Lars approached with the trio. The first was a middle aged man of lite brown hair that was beginning to gray. The second was a late forties to fifties woman with heavily graying hair. The last was a boy of about six to seven years old with brownish red hair and bright green eyes.
“These are the ones watching our camp, Lord Wyatt.” Said Lars with a double fist chest bump and a salute.
“Very good. Well done.” I replied with a nod and a return double chest fist bump salute.
The trio looked very scared especially the boy who was beginning to tear up to cry.
“I am Count Ryan Wyatt. Who are you and why were you spying on our party?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
“I am Robert Duffy. I was chamberlain and steward to Count Charles Appleton who was assassinated by rogues. This is Hazel Radcliff Housekeeper for Avalon fortress. The little Lord here is Charlie Appleton the rightful heir to the title of Count of the Avalon Western Region and the fortress of Avalon. We humbly ask for your protection." Stated Robert with the begging request.
“I see. Well now. Who is specifically after the young lad?” I asked for this intrigue was something I did not want.
“I suspect the House of Skafhoggr but not the Viscount himself. He is, well, not a person who can strategize. It is more than likely his wife Lady Ludmilla or his mother in law Dowager Baroness Grogda Wode. Their home was Fossberg a small mountain village east of Red Keep that was destroyed by the Empire. They were staying with Viscount Skafhoggr at his manor in Dorn before they came to Fortress Avalon. Viscount Skafhoggr married Lady Ludmilla after only one month introduction. Almost two months after they arrived at Fortress Avalon, my Lord Avondale fell ill after drinking vinqua and died within a half span. Only poison kills a healthy and strong man as my lord was in such a short span. Two days after my lord's death, Lady Beatrice Appleton also fell ill and died within a span. A week later, the young master was attacked and his bodyguard fought to the death to protect him. Hazel grabbed our young lord and fled into city. I received word and joined them. We were attacked again by a mercenary known to do assassinations. I was able to wound him but not before the young lord was stabbed. We fled the city and have been on the run these past three months. It was only a week ago we learned that Viscount Skafhoggr was awarded the title to Fortress Avalon. Please, I beg of you! Help and protect us!” Robert explained with his pleading request.
“ I see.” I said as I sat quiet for a moment to consider what I should do.
“That is clawful!” Said Meowth with her tail straight and hair raised in an angry display.
Pamba jumped out of Rina's lap and climbed onto my shoulder where she whined and rubbed her check against mine. Looking over at Freya, who had the look of fury in her eyes, made my blood run cold. I suspected Freya wanted to kill whoever would harm a child. I also had the urge to do extreme violence against these villains.
“Very well. I Count Ryan Wyatt grant you protection. However, know what you see here is all the retainers I have. I have no home or lands because of the Empire. I am now on my way to see the King who summoned me to appear as soon as I can get there. I must go to Avalon and present myself to Viscount Skafhoggr to see if I have any new messages from the King.” I stated my travel plans to the trio who had the look of horror.
“We can not return to Avalon. The young lord would be killed on sight.” Protested Robert with Hazel clutching the boy tightly as he began to cry.
“Lord Wyatt. You can not take them to Fortress Avalon. It would almost certainly bring attack and more attempts of assassination. I know you can win a battle against a small force. However, you can not protect against an arrow from an assassin who creeps in the shadows unseen.” Freya stated as she breathed her anger despite a calm voice.
“You are correct. However, I have no intention on taking them to Fortress Avalon. I believe that they should travel through the city in a cart with guards where we will catch up to them within a day. Know, I will not stay in Avalon more than one night as etiquette requires as Viscount Skafhoggr will host me for a night's rest from travel.” I stated the plan and I saw Freya sigh a bit of relief with Pamba making a quiet approving barking noise.
“Tell me Robert, do you know of an adventurer party that is honorable in Avalon that I could hire for this journey? I have the feeling that I will need more fighting men. I do not want to select mercenaries as they are only loyal to who pays the highest coin and I can not compete given my circumstances.” I asked as I looked toward Lars with Razor now standing beside him.
“Yes, Zack Talley's party. He is an A ranked adventurer with seven members mostly C ranked with two B ranked.” Robert stated as he recollected the party I had requested.
“What do you think about hiring them to protect the cart you will be riding in disguised as commoners traveling south to the capital? You three would have to change into clothing of commoners with the story of fleeing from the devastation of the Empire. Maybe say you are going to relatives near or in the capital. Could you do this?” I asked explaining my plan further.
“Yes, that would work. I do not think Zack Talley would recognize me as I have only met him twice. His reputation is very good.” Robert stated with renewed hope and relief.
“Alrighty then. That will be the plan. Will need to send a floxis message. Can we do that in Trino?” I asked Robert.
“Yes, there is a small adventurer guild office there. They will take the request and can have them meet you a few millo outside Avalon's main north bridge barbican. The cost of hiring is expensive of at least an erythro maybe as much as a silver if they have recently completed a difficult job.” Robert explained.
“I see. That is good to know. Now, get you something to eat. Once finished, you and Hazel ride in the third cart. Charlie, you can ride in the carriage with me after Hazel cleans you up.” I stated with a sigh and was thankful for the information Robert provided.
Freya took it upon herself to look after Charlie and made sure he had plenty to eat. Charlie was enthralled with Pamba as he fed her some lamb pieces. After dinner, I had Old Maude check on Charlie's wound that turned out to be a deep cut between his side and under his left arm at the bottom of his armpit. Old Maude cleaned the wound and redid the stitches as they were too loose and was the cause for the wound to not been healing.
About an hour later, our party was back on the road. The travel was quiet and Charlie fell asleep with Pamba curled up next to him. Over three hours later, we arrived long after dark in Trino. We went to the inn called the Resting Unicorn where they had walled enclosures for large parties to camp and be well protected. I forbid all from going into the tavern but allowed the tavern owner to bring a cask of ale of and some mutton stew as some in the party stated they did not eat much at the last stop. Lars impressed with setting the guard as he was making sure nothing else would go wrong. I set up the bed platform where I could stretch out to sleep. Gus slept sitting up with his feet up next to Charlie on the front bench. When I laid down, Pamba came and rubbed my cheek with hers before curling up in the crook of my arm. It was easy to fall asleep as I was mentally and physically tired.

I did no writing today and for once, I'm not kicking myself for it. Today is father's birthday so we gave him his gifts, which he very much appreciated, and then Mother and I were off to Costco. I took some nausea medication and managed to not get sick. I didn't even get queasy until we reached the parking lot. We were there for a few hours.
We've purchased some of the first plants for the garden; cherry tomatoes, ferns, rosemary, oregano, basil, sage, and three whole trays of peppers. Whenever the weather is decent, we'll start preparing the garden for planting. Then we picked up a groceries and pet food. Mother was even kind enough to buy me some macarons; I made the meringue cookie before, hazelnut flavoured, but I've never had the full cookies before. She also bought some donuts and of course we also have the Napoleon cake slices we got for father's birthday. I'm overwhelmed with sweets, i have no idea what to have with my evening coffee.
We got home not long before the pets dinner and after they ate, I took Peach out for an hour until sunset. It was a little chilly but the sun was nice. Speaking of the outdoors, the drive to and from Costco was beautiful. It's been so long since I've been on a drive through the country-side. I used to love to listen to music on long drives when I was little; of course, that's before my motion sickness got so bad. The farmland, the forests, the houses, and the clouds rolling over the hills were gorgeous. I say a cloud that kind of looked like a duck. It's cloud-head slowly disintegrated before my eyes but it was nice while it lasted.
I had a good day. It was nice to take a break but I know it wont last. I'll pick up my writing tonight and for the first time in a while, Im looking forward to it, even if I'm still in the middle of the never-ending orgy scene. At least I have some sweets to enjoy while I slog through it.
Yours & Mine,
S.O. Skinner

BWT, I’m looking for some shoes.
They need to be low key enough for a tech day job but bougie enough to fit a cocktail bar date. Also sturdy enough to deal with all the gunk on the SF streets (my Rothy’s barely saw the light of day in Manhattan; I’ve got no illusions about how they’ll do around here).
I’ve already got trail runners for hiking and running shoes for well, running, so they don’t need to satisfy that; I do find myself jogging the last couple of blocks to dates embarrassingly frequently and do have a tendency to walk 5-10 miles around the SF hills on a whim, so they have to fit that at least a little.
I loved having Chelsea boots in NYC (even if getting knock-offs of Amazon meant they died in about 6 months) so seriously considering just going with a pair of Blundstones but they’re out of season for all the stores downtown. Would love to hear what the BWT are using for their daily wear before I drop $$$ ordering some shoes sight unseen online.

7-minute read.

defense ministry will soon launch an automated management system to track the location of military-age citizens and more accurately deliver summons to reservists during peace or war

The Parliamentary Defense Committee held a meeting on Friday to discuss a new system. Context in April 12 news. Several issues were uncovered during the 2020 war: many notices were sent out to people who did not reside in Armenia, while in other instances they were unable to reach out to people located in Armenia. The government has decided to create an automated system for the defense ministry to "know the location" of potential recipients. The system will be shared with the passport service and other departments.
video, source,

the head of the Armenian military academy visited Washington for a NATO meeting

Vazgen Sargsyan Academy chief Arsen Mangasaryan was in the U.S. to take part in a meeting between the heads of other military academies of NATO members and NATO partner states.
They discussed current and future challenges and a strategy for addressing them, modern tutoring methods, etc.
source,

EU Ambassador and Armenia's Deputy FM met on Friday as part of monthlong "Europe Day" events

AMB. MARAGOS: Armenia and the EU are intensively discussing a new ambitious Partnership Agenda. It will be based on CEPA and Armenia's active participation in Eastern Partnership. It will help us overcome the challenges facing Armenia now and in the future.
The AM-EU cooperation continues. The implementation of €350 million in programs is underway. It will help the economy, connectivity, and reforms.
[About Hungary blocking $10 million in European Peace Facility aid to Armenia]. The Council is still discussing it. It's still too early to talk about details. We hope it will conclude soon.
REPORTER: About a month ago the U.S. Ambassador gave an interview to Azatutyun saying the U.S. does not advise Armenia to end the relations with any country [context was Russia], and that the more partners Armenia has, the more powerful Armenia will be. Do you share this view? What is your formula for increasing Armenia's resilience?
AMB. MARAGOS: I won't comment on the statements of the U.S. Ambassador. There are various goals, various approaches for raising resilience. Our formula is to strengthen institutions and democracy, and Armenia's ability to make independent decisions. In this context, establishing peace in the region is important. //
Ambassador Maragos and High-Tech Minister Mkhitar Hayrapetyan discussed the conditions necessary for the installation of fiber-optic cable to connect Armenia and the EU through the Black Sea.
video, source,

Foreign Ministers of Armenia and Azerbaijan held a 4-hour-long meeting in Kazakhstan

The U.S. State Department welcomed the meeting in Kazakhstan, describing the AM-AZ peace process developments of recent weeks as "exciting".
The FMs made remarks ahead of the meeting.
FM MIRZOYAN: We are very constructively involved in the negotiation process. We should not limit ourselves to signing a peace treaty. We can go further and unblock all transportation communications in the region.
FM BAYRAMOV: I hope that in the next two days, we will be able to do positive work to find a solution to the issues that are still open.
source, source, source, source, Armenia is not the only country that lacks microphone skills, source,

Day 2 of former regime-led protests & road closures

Archbishop Bagrat Galstanyan urged his followers to group up and "paralyze" the whole country to force Pashinyan's removal. Together with ARF MPs and its "youth wing" activists, he visited several universities and urged students to join. Some did, others did not. After a claim that the Yerevan State University was "empty", Armenpress sent a crew of reporters and found the claim to be false. Videos were uploaded showing professors urging the activists to stop disrupting the classes. Polytechnik spokeswoman said the students did not join the protests and that the protesters did not attempt to enter the campus.
ARF MPs entered the Bryusov University to gather students.
RECTOR: Why are you here? Go do your duties.
ARF MP Gegham Manukyan: This is my duty.
VICE RECTOR: Yesterday you called for anyone who wishes to join you to come, and not to attend classes. Those who wanted to join you, have joined your strikes. Now leave this building and do not disrupt the exams. You have no right to interrupt the state exams of those who didn't wish to join you.
ARF MP: You can't lock the doors.
RECTOR: The doors are currently open. You can leave now. //
The activists traveled to the Conservatory where a group of students joined them. No general student strike was announced, said Azatutyun.
ARCHBISHOP: I don't want to be the prime minister but if that's the wish of the people, the wish of God, and if I have the blessing of Catholicos Garegin B, then who am I to refuse it? //
Galstanyan also said he is a dual citizen of Canada so he would not be allowed to be a PM under this constitution. He said the constitution could be changed to allow dual citizens to become PMs.
A group of protesters shut down the Meghri-Yerevan road in Vayots Dzor. A participant was arrested after allegedly punching a police officer in the head after being told to open the road.
12 participants were arrested in various locations. Two of them, with lengthy rap sheets, allegedly possessed knives. The others were arrested for not following police orders.
There were reportedly fewer people in Republic Square today. As of 7:20 pm, the same organization that counted 31,700 yesterday spotted only 11,300 today. That's for "trend". The peak number is expected to be higher.
The Archbishop urged young protesters: "Stretch your muscles well, young people, we will soon take action. Don't worry." There was apparently a dispute between the organizers and the bored students that he gathered from universities. He promised them with more action soon.
ARCHBISHOP (later): You want action? Now let me put YOU to work instead. Since some of you complain that the protest is "dying down", I have a task to keep you busy: (1) Close the streets, (2) hold peaceful talks with members of the ruling QP party to impeach Pashinyan. Will you do this or not? This is very important. We need to meet and convince the MPs. //
ARF MP GARNIK: Don't get tired, people! None of us have the right to abandon these trenches. This is our last chance. We are not deserters. We will go until the end! Lav exeq. //
The ARF MP boasted about shutting down the Armenia-Georgia interstate road on Friday and thanked the activists for that.
Pashinyan's deputy chief of staff Taron Chakoyan mocked the organizers, urging them to nominate "the candidate of all times - Vazgen Manukyan" to "keep his political memory alive".
There will be no rally tomorrow. The organizers intend to redraw their plans. They want to involve "expert groups" [is that Ishkhan Saghatelyan's list of 70 or so experts he couldn't use in 2022?] and also come up with concrete plans on border delimitation. The next meeting is at 6 o'clock Sunday.
In other news. The California-based Western Diocese Armenian Church will pray for the Armenian government to stay strong and for Armenia to be resilient. Context: President Khachaturyan visited the church during his US trip. They prayed together. "Consider this your home." In turn, the President reassured that the Armenian government has no problem with the Armenian Apostolic Church as an institution. He said the Armenian government has chosen a peace agenda "because we have to be able to live next to our neighbors regardless of historical problems". Video.
source, video, source, video, video, video, video, source, video, video, source, source, source, source, source, source, video, video,

the 8th Aurora Prize for Awakening Humanity was awarded to Congolese gynecological surgeon and human rights activist Denis Mukwege

NOUBAR AFEYAN (Aurora co-founder): Dr. Mukwege has dedicated his life not only to caring for women and girls suffering from the brutality of sexual violence, but also fiercely advocating for their rights. Dr. Mukwege and his staff have helped to care for more than 80,000 survivors. //
The other co-founder, Ruben Vardanyan, sent a message from Baku prison: "I wish you every success in your mission, and I am sending my warm congratulations to this year’s laureates."
source, source,

All Armenia Fund gifted houses to tens of Nagorno-Karabakh refugee families in two villages: VIDEO

Several 2-story 3-bedroom houses were built for families. More houses are underway.
video,

the first group of Azerbaijani settlers were given houses in occupied Nagorno-Karabakh's Shushi

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Armenia and the Kingdom of Spain sign an agreement to cooperate in sports

Anti-doping, healthcare in sports, organization of large events, retraining of experts, making sports more attractive to youth and developing their careers, etc.
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authorities arrested another "vor v zakone", a figure with the highest status in the criminal subculture

A few years ago Armenia criminalized participation/membership in such circles/gangs. This one is accused of racketeering in computer game zones [son of a bitch!] and taking illegal actions to "resolve" disputes between conflicting parties.
source,

another village is being connected to the gas network as part of a state-municipality joint program

Lernamerdz will hit the gas when the construction is complete.
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World Bank helps Armenia strengthen management of forests, wetlands, and protected areas

The WB has approved the program called RESILAND Armenia to help the government strengthen community engagement and improve the management of nature.
The $9.1 million project is supported by Sweden and the Global Environment Facility.
WORLD BANK: Armenia’s beautiful landscapes are one of the country’s biggest assets. This asset has been threatened by man-made deforestation and landscape degradation, fueled by unsustainable practices of communities and weak environmental oversight. The RESILAND project addresses forest degradation by providing alternative livelihoods for communities and by strengthening oversight mechanisms through improvements to the policy framework.
source,

economic stats from Q1 2024

services +5%
(+) financial & insurance +19%
(-) info & comm -3%
(+) transportation +17%
(+) catering +7%
(+) health & social +9%
construction +12%
domestic trade +26%
(+) retail trade, stores +11%
(+) wholesale trade +40%
(+) automobile trade -8%

... economic growth projections

Govt on 2024: 7%
CB on 2024: 5.3%-6.4%
IMF on 2024: 6%
IMF on 2025: 5.2%
source, source, source, source,

Georgia will require tourists to have medical insurance starting June

It must provide a €5,000 emergency and €30,000 hospitalization coverage. Terrorists Tourists without insurance will be fined $112. Armenian insurance agencies are currently preparing packages for Armenian travelers.
source,

If recent events have you seriously considering finally moving to the country and starting a homestead/hobby farm, you probably have a lot of questions. And though learning self-sufficiency skills is key (and fun!), the most important place to start with is learning what type of land to look for. Our experts have you covered in 12 things to look for in a homesteading property.
Homesteading, also known as “hobby farming”, was gaining in popularity before the pandemic. However, once COVID hit and things started shutting down the homesteading movement went from a steady growth to an explosive one!
Suddenly, the ideal of achieving greater self-sufficiency, having more space and securing one’s freedom became a top priority for millions of families across the globe.
In the United States, this was evident by several published migration reports which showed people leaving cities in droves and heading (largely) for the Southeastern United States.
If you’re one of those people who has already relocated and is looking for rural land to start a hobby farm, or you’re considering relocating and becoming a homesteader, this article is for you!
Throughout the years, we’ve featured dozens of families who abandoned conventional urban or suburban life to take up homesteading in the country. We’ve also interviewed a variety of rural land experts on what it takes to find, purchase and develop raw land into the home of your dreams.
This article is a compilation of their real-life tips and advice on the best attributes of a homesteading/hobby farming property.
As you’re reading this, keep in mind that everyone’s vision and goals for their homestead are unique. As are your location, budget, timeline, family needs, lifestyle, etc. Thus, there is not one find-a-perfect-property-formula we can share. There are however, several common considerations that can benefit anyone in finding an ideal property to call their family homestead. We hope this article helps you find yours!
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#1: The Right Amount of Acreage

If you think you need 50 or 100+ acres to set up a functional homestead, think again. Many hobby farmers set up homesteads on smaller acreage, between 1-10 acres vs. 10-100 acres. The right amount of acreage for you depends entirely on your goals, budget, and objectives.
In How Many Acres Do You Need for a Hobby Farm or Homestead, Ben Faulk of Sand Hill Farms, offered this advice to aspiring homesteaders: “If you were going to have a homestead with 1-2 horses, a family cow, and your gardens, I’d want 10 acres of pasture, 2 acres for produce, maybe a one-acre orchard and the rest of it would be buildings. So 15 acres could hold most of what you want to do.”
However, many homesteading families, including those who make a living off the land, prefer a smaller farm.
Bottom line: do some serious research before committing to a certain amount of acreage---you may need less (or more) than you think.
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#2: A Mixture of Open Land and Forest

A mixture of pasture and wooded land gives you the ability to grow your own food, erect buildings, and raise animals in the open, while having access to shade and the benefits of timber for personal or financial gain.
However, if your budget is tight, inventory is low and/or location is a factor a fully wooded lot can be an excellent investment.
Forested land can often be purchased for less money than cleared land and then cleared to suit. This gives you the opportunity to custom-design your ideal mix of woods and open land while enhancing the value of your property and giving you a potential stream of future income in your timber.
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#3: A Source of Water

Most rural properties require well installation, but it’s also wise to have a creek, river, pond, spring or lake on-site for homesteading purposes. Plus, if you’re interested in going off-grid or partially off-grid, a natural source of water for drinking, bathing, fishing, a spring house, electricity, etc. is a must.
Just be sure to check on any potential flooding/floodplain issues before purchase. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t purchase a property with some flood plain or wetlands on it. It can actually be a benefit depending on what you want to do with your land. For example, elderberries can be grown on a flood plain and wetlands attract a variety of wildlife. Just make sure you have ample dry space to build your home, outbuildings, etc.
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#4: Appropriate Site(s) for Your Home(s) and Outbuildings

The best location for your home and building sites should be discussed with a builder before you purchase the land. The reason being: the homesite you have in mind may or may not be feasible based on access, the amount of excavation required, well or septic requirements, flooding potential, proximity to trees or other factors relating to home design (barn, shed, cabin, etc.) off-grid capability, insurance, etc.
Bottom line: walk the property with a licensed contractor before you get dead-set on a piece of property and/or a homesite.
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#5: The Right Location

As the old saying goes, you can change a lot of things about a home...just not it’s location. Thus, where you decide to buy should be heavily considered.
Some people love to be out in the middle of nowhere where they can do whatever they want with the land, homeschool their kids and be surrounded by untouched nature. Others will prefer to be within 20 minutes of a decent-sized town with a nice grocery store, movie theater, top-rated schools, homeschool coops, etc. And if you’re commuting to a job with the potential for traffic, you’ll definitely want to keep the length of that commute in mind.
The purpose of your land will also weigh into the equation, as some rural business ventures, such as retreats, hunting camps, etc. are better suited to very remote areas.
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#6: Access to your property

Access isn’t typically a concern when purchasing a prebuilt home. However, when buying rural land you want to make sure you have rights to access that land easily. Ideally, you’d want a property with road frontage which may be private (meaning it’s up to you and/or your neighbors to maintain) or public/state maintained. If your land does not have road frontage, that could be a hindrance in getting a construction loan. Lack of access can also affect your building efforts since most homes and outbuildings require heavy equipment which must be trucked in on viable roads.
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#7: Flexible Zoning

Rural properties typically have less zoning restrictions than urban or suburban land. But, the only way to know for sure is to check with the county. This is especially important for homesteaders who plan on keeping animals, erecting outbuildings, farming, or using the property for any type of unique purposes, including hunting and fishing. Your land agent can advise you on the best areas for zoning based on your land requirements.
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#8: Clean soil

Soil is super important if you’re planning on growing or raising your own food and/or food for market. At the very least, you’ll want to ensure there is no soil contamination (or potential of) and you may wish to get a soil test to see what you’re working with. More often than not, poor soil can be amended to create a beautiful and fertile garden or farm. However, it’s best to test and not guess---especially if you’re planning on applying for organic certification, installing a pond or lake or suspect any type of contamination from previous owners or tenants.
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#9: Covenants and Restrictions

One of the biggest perks of buying rural land is the freedom to do what you want with your property, without worrying about HOA rules.
However, many rural properties, especially those within rural neighborhoods, do have what are called Covenants, Conditions and Restrictions (also known as CCRs). These are established to help maintain the value of your land while keeping undesirable developments, like a junkyard or waste facility, away from your property.
CCRs are typically much more flexible than HOA rules as they’re designed to preserve landowner freedom while protecting land values.
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#10: Internet and Cell Service

Yes, becoming a homesteader usually means you have a desire to spend less time on screens. However, most people will still require high speed internet access for working, entertainment, starting or maintaining a business, homeschooling, keeping up with your favorite homesteading podcasts and other communications.
You can inquire about this with your land agent and check with neighbors in the area.
Keep in mind that although high speed internet in the country has come a long way it’s not uncommon for rural places to have poor cell service. Fortunately, this is usually fixable by getting a cell phone signal booster, connecting your phone to your Wi-Fi and/or getting a landline. Or, if you’re into being off-grid, all this may be a benefit!
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#11: Access To The Right Utilities

Raw land typically requires that electricity, water, propone and septic be installed.
The cost to run electricity to your homesite will vary depending on the land’s location, topography, local rates and how far from your road your homesite is. In some areas, power companies will run the first few hundred feet of line above ground for free and underground power typically costs extra (but may be worth it for esthetics and/or if you're in a storm-prone location). The only way to know for sure is to get an estimate from the power company before you buy the land and choose your homesite.
If you’re considering solar, wind power or going off-grid, you’ll also want to factor in the best location for your home and buildings based on orientation and weather patterns.
The cost to install a well also varies depending on the well’s location and depth requirements.
You’ll also need to get a percolation test to ensure your land is suitable for septic system installation. From there, the price will vary based on the size of your home, the number of bathrooms and bedrooms, your soil, the land’s topography, and the tank’s location. For example, if you plan on building near a creek or lake that can increase the price of your septic system by thousands of dollars.
Finally, if you’re interested in having a gas stove or fireplace, you’ll probably need to have a propane tank installed.
Click the links above for detailed articles on wind power, going off-grid, well and septic installation.
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#12: A Supportive Community

Going from a city or suburban lifestyle to homesteading can be made much easier if you’re surrounded by a supportive community. The best way to get a feel for this is to spend time in the area. Attend local festivals, visit the farmer’s markets, check out the schools and/or homeschooling community, if you’re religious, attend some local churches, visit the Chamber of Commerce and scope out the overall homesteading scene.
Once you start actively looking for properties and find one you love, don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to the neighbors and ask some questions. Most people are happy to meet their potential new neighbors and will have valuable information and insight on the neighborhood and your property of interest. Plus, if you end up buying it you’ve already made a connection.
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Article Source

TL;DR I am just raving about how much fun I am having creating this campaign but all the people I would normally tell are *in* the campaign so I can't talk to anyone about it without ruining the story line... so I came here, lol.
***If you are named Matt Jasmine or Denis and you're in a campaign together DON'T READ THIS***
I am running a campaign right now with 3 of my closest friends, and I am really excited about it!! every time I get new ideas for things to do I want to tell them about it, but I can't because they're the players, so I haveto just contain it because they're all the people I know that are into DnD or board games in general.
The campaign I am doing is based in the afterlife of my custom world - all the characters have died, and they have to solve the mysteries of their deaths. there's also another mystery they're slowly uncovered, where it seeems like nobody has moved on from the afterlife to the next step in a long time, and nobody knows why (a few of the gods are using them for power, long story, yada yada)
Anyway, I have told their characters that there are people in the afterlife that can help discover the story of their deaths, and that they're all in different areas. The afterlife is an ever expanding realm, so there's a ton of different locations. One location I have is The land of Knowledge, which I just made into a big ol university filled with students and classes they can take that can actually improve some of their stats, if they want. One of the people involved in the death of one of the characters is there with a special item that will help them move forward in their journey.
The big realm I am working on right now is the Haven for Rogues - which I am basing off of the board game Betrayal at House on the Hill. It's a big haunted house, and I am creating a bunch of different rooms that they have to journey through to find two of the people involved in another character's death. basically, I made an entrance landing and an upper landing, I'll have them roll initiative, and they'll each take turns pulling rooms from the deck of rooms I've made until they discover the NPCs. There's rooms like a potion store with a discount bin filled with unlabeled potions (if they buy one they won't know what it does until they use it, I won't even know), A bedroom covered in spiderwebs where they'll fight a giant spider, an actual forest realm where they'll have a bugbear encounter, a tavern filled with patrons, a suspiciously clean library that has a moving bookshelf that reveals a secret room where one of the NPCs will be hiding, a blood covered bathroom where they'll have a ghost encounter, and a bunch of other things. If you have any ideas for rooms, lemme hear it!! I would love to add them in - I was struggling to find ways for there to be combat in this afterlife realm but this seems like the easiest thing to do, esp. since one of the PCs loves combat.
Another thing I already finished was an encounter they'll have much later - Once they go visit The Past and The Present (two NPCs that will...well, tell them their past and what is happening in the mortal realm right now) they'll each see the mysterious deaths of their loved ones. One mother, one ex-husband, and one best friend. Then their helper npc will be like you guys... i just got an alert that these people are now in the after life together. DO you want to see them? and then when they say yes, they'll be walking right into a trap where they have to fight a DEVA and also the entranced versions of their loved ones.
Also, creating the mysteries of their deaths has been really fun -- and then creating how they find OUT about those mysteries has been even more fun. I am just really excited for where this campaign is going and I am excited to see how it changes based on the PCs decisions - i love adjusting last minute and creating new scenarios based off of their decisions or lore drops.
It's even more fun because I made the currency of the afterlife Memories - so now every time they buy something they have to come up with a memory to tell, which just reveals more and more lore about each character. I love it. I am so excited.
Thank you for letting me get some of my excitement out!! I love being a DM and writing stories with my friends, I just wish I had more dnd friends that I could tell things about IRL, but I foolishly put all of my DND friends into one campaign, lmfao. I hope y'all have a great day, and if you have any questions about this pls AMA, I'd love love love to talk about it more.

Finally got around sharing our wonderful experience in Kansai (1 Apr 2024 - 10 Apr 2024). We are a family of 4 from Perth, Australia (1 x Toddler turning 4 end of this month and 1 x Infant about 18 months old) joined by my MIL from Malaysia. It was our first time trip to Japan but the second time flying 6 hours long with 2 kids. We chose to travel during this period as it was during Easter holidays and also the most favourable weather for our kids. As we have 4 separate accommodations booked over 9 days, we try to travel as light as possible: 2 x large suitcase, 1 x medium suitcase, 2 x medium bags, 1 x bag pack, 1 x dedicated bag for infant carrier and kids' jumpers + 1 stroller. Our kids still take nap(s) during the day and our plan was having the toddler sleep on the stroller and the infant in the carrier or the stroller if toddler is not using.
After extensive research (mostly from this sub) we still found the first few days to be quite hectic and wish we know some of the things beforehand (listed below the itinerary). I hope this post can help young families who are considering travelling to Japan with kids or those who have travelled to Japan before kids came to the picture to do it again with confidence.

9 Day Itinerary (1 Apr 2024 - 10 Apr 2024)

Day 1 Osaka: Namba (Monday)
Our flight from KUL arrived KIX around 10am and boarded the Nankai Rapid (bought 1 month prior online) to Shin-Imamiya station after getting our luggage. We originally planned to take a taxi from there but failed to find any taxi for 20 mins so we end up walking to our accommodation as the kids were tired of waiting. After offloading our luggage we manage to hail a taxi and head to Namba Parks to rest and unwind. Had a refreshing lunch at Yasaiya Mei (mains + all you can eat side dishes including veg tempura) and went to explore the rooftop parks garden before putting the kids to nap. After the kids woke up we took a taxi back to check in officially. Everyone was quite tired thus we opted to stay in and get dinner from Life supermarket nearby. This was probably the most enjoyable part of the day for the kids wandering around a foreign supermarket as we bought dinner and some light snacks. After putting the kids to bed, we did some laundry and packed our 1st luggage to send away.
Day 2 Osaka: Tennoji (Tuesday)
While everyone was getting ready, I went to the nearby 7-Eleven to forward our 1st luggage to the 4th accommodation via Yamato transport. The shop attendant was helpful and guided me through the process as we communicated via deepL. We walked to the Lawson's at JR Imamiya to get brekkky before taking the Osaka loop Line to JR tennoji. We took quite a while to navigate towards Tennoji Zoo from JR Tennoji but eventually got there after a 15 min detour. It was quite crowded for a Tuesday morning but the kids get to roam around the Tenshiba garden while I queue up for tickets (500 yen per adult). One of the kids fell asleep in the zoo so we decided to just grab food to go at the supermarket outside the zoo for lunch. We then head towards Abeno Q's mall to shop and put the other kid to sleep. There was quite a lot of hot food along the way and we manage to grab some for the kids to snack on after their nap (butaman from Horai 555, mochi donut from Mister Donut, taiyaki etc). There's a fantastic area for kids to play (kid, play, study) at the ground floor with different sensory setup and soft blocks for stacking/ balancing. I spent close to 2 hours there with 2 kids while my wife and MIL went shopping. After that we had dinner at Grand Capital Toyoutei at the Kintetsu mall dining floor before heading to our final activity of the day: Abeno Harukas 300. Tickets were a bit steep (2000 yen per adult) but we end up staying there for quite a bit and the experience was pretty unique even though we missed the sunset timing. The elevator ride to the top though short left quite an impression. The kids enjoyed running around at the sky garden 2 floors below as we rest and enjoy the night view of the city from about 300m above ground. The journey back to our accommodation was pretty straightforward and the kids got knocked out when we got home. All in all Tennoji was a pleasantly great experience and we have a better understanding about JR station layout and navigating underground.
Day 3 Osaka - Kyoto (Wednesday)
This was a rather hectic day as it rained quite a bit and we struggled to get a taxi after checking out, getting turned down by several taxis with "空车". We eventually found one to bring us to JR Osaka station. Navigating at the station wasn't too difficult after yesterday but there were long queues when we arrived at 10am and I made the fatal mistake of leaving my physical credit card back in Perth and spent 45mins trying to redeem limited express tickets I reserved online. The JR staff were friendly and tried their best to help but they can only recommend me cancelling my initial reservation and buying new tickets (cancellation fee was about 2300 yen for 3 adults). As soon as we got our tickets we sprinted to the underground gate about 15 mins walk away. I even carried the stroller and kids through an escalator as we didn't want to waste time finding a lift and risk missing the train. We managed to board the limited express train on time and arrived at JR Kyoto which was even more crowded and larger than most international airports. The kids were quite cranky by now as it has been all rush and long waits since they woke up. I split up with my family with 2 luggage that we initially planned to forward to our Arashiyama accommodation via Sagawa. However I was told same day delivery service is only applicable to limited hotels so I stored the luggage at 2 coin lockers and then head to the Kintetsu line ticket counter to redeem the Kyoto-Nara and Nara-Osaka limited express tickets which fortunately doesn't require my credit card details (just reservation number). By the time I reunite with my family it was still raining and both kids fell asleep so we ditched the plan for Kyoto railway museum and instead went browsing for lunch at Porta and Isetan dining floor. We eventually queued to eat at Ejuan for about 25 minutes while one of the kid was still asleep. The wait was worthwhile as the grilled miso black cod was exceptional as was the kids' grilled chicken. Next we went to the skywalk at level 9 briefly before my family went to the toy section at Isetan while I retrieve our luggage from the coin lockers. We board the Saga line bound for Saga-Arashiyama and rested awhile at the accommodation before heading out for dinner after the rain stopped. We walked to Kijurou and fortunately they have space for us provided we order a main meal per adult. The yakiniku and Wagyu rib loin bowls were pretty good but we find the Hitsumabushi set a bit gimmicky. After dinner we stopped by Kimono Forest on our way back and this was probably the highlight of the kids day.
Day 4 Kyoto: Arashiyama (Thursday)
Had Lawson's for brekky before heading out to Kimono Rental Amuya to hired kimonos for my wife and toddler including hairstyling. The shop was actually a house with the living area turned into a studio and only the owner working by herself so we waited for about half an hour before walking towards the Bamboo Forest and Tenryu-ji gardens (500 yen entry from the north gate but well worth it for the blooming sakura and picturesque lake). It was crowded as expected and everyone was moving slowly so it took us about an hour to complete the loop back to the main tourist strip. We then had Udon for lunch at Ozuru, the chewy noodles were complemented by the broth which was a lot more flavourful than the kitsune Udon we are accustomed to back in Perth. After lunch we head home to put the kids to nap before venturing out in the evening towards Togetsukyo Bridge overlooking the pristine Katsura river flowing gracefully from Mt Arashi in the backdrop. The view was breathtaking and we crossed over to Arashiyama park where the kids had a great time running around free range. As the sun was setting, we head back to the town centre, took a novelty Randen ride and grab some food (Naruse's Unagi, Upit's Burger) en route to our accommodation to eat in before calling it a day.
Day 5 Kyoto (Friday)
After checking out we took the Saga line to JR Kyoto station and forwarded the medium sized luggage to the 4th accommodation in Osaka using Crosta. We then did some light shopping at Yodabashi Camera Kyoto as my MIL shoes had kick the bucket and we needed a replacement. Manage to sneak in the only ramen meal of the trip at Ramen Chabuton located upstairs. It was a fairly small shop but we were lucky to get a table just before the Friday lunch rush hour and our ramen cravings were thoroughly satiated. We put the kids down for a quick nap as we make our way back to JR Kyoto to take the Saga line towards Kyoto railway museum. This is an underrated attraction with so much to do and we could have spent the whole day here if I knew they had coin lockers. There were many interactive and educational displays relating to train components in addition to multiple play areas upstairs as well as an outdoor playground! There's also a mockup ticket gate for kids to learn how to purchase a ticket and pass through the gate. Our kids loved the ball pit, toy train area and large train simulator. We couldn't squeeze enough time to explore the 3rd floor or watch the diorama presentation or board the Steam Locomotive as it was getting late. We took a taxi to check-in at Kamoya Ryokan before taking the bus to Nishiki Market for dinner. It's about 6pm and most of the shops were shutting and the remaining ones that are open had queues building up quickly. We ended up waiting 30 mins to eat sushi at Sushi Say. There's a limited range of cooked food including skewers which we got for our kids while we share a nigiri platter and sashimi. After dinner we went to the basement of Daimaru Kyoto across the road to get some baked goods for brekky before taking the taxi home to crash.
Day 6 Kyoto (Saturday)
My MIL wanted to take it easy and explore the area at her own pace so we had a more spontaneous day. After brekky, we took the bus to Yasaka Shrine and started our trek towards Heian Jingu, stopping along the way to enjoy the blossoming park and munching on food from street vendors. We paid to enter the shrine garden (600 yen per adult) which was very worth it for a 30 minute stroll and escape from the bustling crowd outside. We grab some food to eat from the street vendors as one of the kid slept and then head to the playground across the road (Wagener Square) and spent a good 30 minutes there even though it was a bit basic (Perth is blessed with many great playgrounds). Once both kids are feeling refreshed we felt adventurous and took the bus to attempt the hike up Kiyomizu-dera. Since its a Saturday, the Sannenzaka path was packed with phenomenal crowds with the occasional car coming through and splitting the crowd apart. I carried the infant to sleep while my wife push our toddler on the stroller as we slowly make our way up, stopping by for a nice matcha latte and softserve at Here cafe to recharge. We eventually reached the base of the temple after 30 minutes and decided against entering due to the massive crowds (& stairs!). On the way down we reached the fork that branches into Ninenzaka and thought we try giving it a go. There were a lot more stairs over this side and we had to carry the stroller through the steps while waiting for the crowd to advance before us. As physically draining as it was, we felt a sense of achievement as we manage to snap a photo with the iconic Hokanji temple. We took the bus home after that and had an enjoyable dinner at Okonomiyaki Yoshino next door before an early night to recover.
Day 7 Kyoto - Nara - Osaka (Sunday)
We had some leftover food for brekky before checking out and heading to JR Kyoto via taxi. We head to the Kintetsu line and boarded the Vistacar limited express train to Nara. I've booked for the private room down stairs which was pretty spacious for the 5 of us and our luggage. After arriving at Kintetsu-Nara station, we took the 100 yen tourist bus to the famous Nara Deer Park and started exploring the area. There were plenty of deer roaming throughout/ resting on the ground and several vendors at the entrance selling deer crackers. After the kids were done feeding 2 sets of crackers, we head to Mizuya Chaya for lunch. There were limited seating so we sat by the side and ate with the bowl in our hands while feeding the kids. Probably the best Udon we had in our lives (level above Ozuru in Arashiyama and Hifumiya in Perth). Time for a nap so we put the kids down while making our way to have a closer look at Todaiji temple as there were too many stairs to Kasuga-taisha and we have yet to recover. We had our first Cremia here and it was amazing. After the kids woke up we took the bus back to Kintetsu-Nara station and explored the nearby street while waiting for our train. We then boarded the HINOTORI limited express bound for Osaka. While walking towards the hotel to check in, we were passing by Dotombori and opted to have a quick dinner and call it a day rather than coming out again after checking in and offloading our luggage. We ended up having curry at Hariju Dotombori Curry shop which taste d like a homely nourishing meal. After dinner we took the taxi to the hotel and fortunately our 2 other luggage that we forwarded days before are waiting for us to collect. Did some repacking and also laundry at a nearby laundromat before sleep.
Day 8 Osaka: Osaka Bay Area (Monday)
Started the day with brekky at MOS Burger just outside our hotel before taking the metro train to Osaka Bay Area. There were plenty to see as we approach the Kaiyukan, large LEGO animal displays, the large ferris wheel and Disney characters. The ticketing and entry time is staggered which is a good idea to control the amount of crowds going in and out. I started queueing at 1035am and got entry for 11am which was fair (opted not to book timeslot online as it can be unpredictable with kids and public transit) but we didn't felt like its a long wait as the kids were running around and enjoying the ocean view. The entry also have a photographer stationed to take a family polaroid with a whale shark replica for FREE. We were impressed with the aquarium's efficient layout where some prominent displays (Whale Shark, Seals etc) span across multiple floors so you can still enjoy them later on if you missed it earlier due to the crowds. Apart from sea creatures there are also Arctic mammals and birds (Puffins) from all over the world. The kids were over stimulated by lunch time so we head to the food court at Tempozan Market Place to refuel. After lunch we took the kids for a ferris wheel ride before putting both to sleep while we make our way to Shinsaibashisuji Shopping Street via metro line. As the kids were still asleep, I rested at Daimaru with my MIL while my wife went shopping. This turn out to be a fantastic place with a floor dedicated for kids (Pokemon centre, Pokemon cafe, BorneLund mini play area with many display toys available for sampling). The kids spent the rest of the day here after they woke up and we had dinner at the dining floor. There were queues everywhere and we chose to wait at Aozora Blue as they offer udon made with a higher wheat ratio here. Regrettably the kids didn't enjoy as much and prefer regular ones that we are used to. After dinner we took away cheescake from Rikuro for dessert back at our hotel. I made sure to online check in our flights before I go to bed.
Day 9 Osaka: Dotombori (Tuesday)
Our final day in Japan and we chose to do some shopping and take it easy. Tried Doutor Coffee for brekky (took a while to find as it was underground) before walking to Don Quijote at Dotombori. There's 6 floors crammed with various items: snacks, electronics, clothing, non prescription medication, toys, collectibles as well as a functional ferris wheel (operates after 2pm). That being said the kids got bored after awhile and didn't really enjoy much as there wasn't much space to move around. I brought them out to stroll around the Ebisu-bashi Bridge while my wife and MIL continue their haul. It was certainly a sight to behold: countless amount of large LCD screens with surround sound on full blast from every high rise building, street buskers vying for attention from crowds that were constantly on the move, tourists taking selfies in front of the iconic Glicoman. Sadly it started to drizzle so I quickly entered the Shinsaibashisuji Shopping Street undercover area and look for a place to have lunch. I stumbled across a Yoshinoya & Hanamaru joint food hall which was bustling with both locals and foreigners. You have to order and get your food from the counter before you can occupy a table so I waited for my wife and MIL to arrive before we start queueing up. We had the gyudon and beef Udon with onsen egg along with chicken karaage and tempura. There's also a condiment station with toppings to complement your udon as well as free tea and water. Everything was very affordable and best of all we didn't had to wait long. After lunch my wife continuing shopping while we head to Daimaru for the kids to have a nap and play afterwards. I noticed there's a bridge that connects each floor to the Parco next door and discovered a unique floor full of pop culture themed stores including a studio Ghibli store featuring Totoro and No-Face displays, a 2 ft tall Godzilla, Ultraman, Capcom superstore, Sanrio (Hello Kitty), Snoopy, Rilakkuma and also a LEGO store. The kids had a great time browsing and also playing with LEGO before my wife reunites with us. As it's nearing dinner time, I thought we try our luck getting a table at Ganko Dotombori and make our way towards Ebisu-bashi Bridge. The view here is even more spectacular at night with the contrasting lights as well as numerous LCD displays illuminating the area. Unfortunately there's a lengthy wait at Ganko and our party voted for street food instead which turn out surprising well. Kids devoured a dozen gyozas while we had takoyaki, kobe beef nigiri, yakitori and yakiniku skewers as we strolled along the street. It was still early so we made a detour towards Hozenji before walking back the hotel. Then we stumbled upon an arcade (Amuse Factory AXE) which naturally drawn the kids in, we got popcorn from a vending machine there and it was enough to keep the kids happy on our trek back. Before taking our last sleep in Japan, we organized our luggage and get them ready for check out the next day.
Day 10 Osaka: Sayonara (Wednesday)
Checked out of the hotel and took a private airport taxi to KIX. Had brekky at McD and Lawsons and surprised to find that the food here costs the same as outside (e.g. McD/ Hungry Jacks at Malaysian/ Australian airports cost more than the metro/ suburban outlets). Boarded the flight and bid Japan farewell for now while soaking in the surreal time we had.
List of accommodations for 3 adults and 1 child + 1 infant/ toddler
1. Orange House 701 (22,500 yen for 2 nights) 10/10
Location is not bad in a quiet area South of the bustling Dotombori area with Konbinis and JR Imamiya within walking distance. Washing machine, shower and stove took some time to figure out and my kid accidentally turned on the stove but luckily there's a safety button. Overall a brilliant accommodation at an affordable price and will consider returning if we come back to Osaka with kids.
2. Arashiyama bamboo guest house (55,650 yen for 2 nights + 1200 yen tax) 8/10
Prime location 1 min away from JR station, Lawson and walking distances to the local tourist strip, Bamboo Grove, Tenryu-ji and Togetsukyo Bridge. However the room is located on the 3rd floor with no lift so it can be a challenge for kids and older folk. The owner was kind enough to carry our 2 X 20kg luggage up and speaks a little English. The stay was rather comfortable even with futons to sleep on while my MIL slept on one of the single beds. We are unlikely returning to Arashiyama but would recommend this place if it suits your budget.
3. Kamoya Ryokan (35,400 yen for 2 nights + 2000 yen tax) 7.5/10
Not as central as the other accommodations but still within 10 mins walking distance to JR and bus lines. This is a shared accommodation so fridge, microwave and hot/ cold water is in the common area but we have a private bathroom to use. There are no beds so we all slept side by side on futons in the same room. For some reason kids are also taxed to stay a night here (200 yen) but the host was super friendly, spoke a bit of basic English and helped us with ordering a taxi when we checked out. For the price this is not a bad place for short term stay if cosleeping on futons together as a family is acceptable. Bonus: the okonomiyaki place next door is quite good albeit requiring a bit more effort to communicate but is worth it as plenty of locals seem to frequent there and our kids love the yakisoba.
4. Best Western Hotel Fino Osaka Shinsaibashi (40,450 yen for 3 nights) 8/10
Functional hotel relatively close to Shinsaibashi shopping street and Dotombori. 1 min walk away from Osaka metro station and 7 Eleven. There's also a 24 hour laundromat 5 mins walk away. Facilities are bare minimal but gets the job done as we only needed the place to crash and freshen up since there's a lot of shopping and remaining sightseeing to be done. All reception staff spoke English well and check in/ out was rather smooth. I would consider staying again if the rooms were larger but can't complain at this price point and location.
List of eateries we consider returning

• Yasaiya Mei
• Ejuan
• Kijurou
• Ozuru
• Upit's Burger
• Ramen Chabuton
• Okonomiyaki Yoshino
• Mizuya Chaya
• Yoshinoya & Hanamaru

Highlight of each day for the kids

1. Wandering around Life supermarket and exploring a new accommodation
2. Running around 300m above ground at the Abeno Harukas sky garden while having fruits/ snacks in between
3. Visiting Kimono Forest after dinner, watching the randen pass by at the crossing
4. Running around at Arashiyama park and watching the majestic Katsura river flowing rapidly
5. The outdoor playground at Kyoto railway museum among many other fun things there
6. The playground at Wagener Square across Heian Jingu
7. Interacting with deer and eating udon outdoors
8. Seeing different sea animals up close and ferris wheel ride after
9. Making friends at BorneLund and having imaginary play together despite the language barrier

Lessons learned (not in chronological order)

General tips

• We prepared about 160,000 yen cash before arriving at Japan but also have money via 1 x transfer wise debit card (digital), 1 x Westpac credit card (digital), 1 x ING debit card (physical). We ended up withdrawing a further 200,000 yen worth of cash. We opted not to bring any AUD as the rate is quite poor in Japan since most would prefer foreign exchangers would prefer USD.
• We didn't get to use our digital cards as most places in Kansai (Kanto might be different) that offer card payments still requires a physical card to read the chip.
• Please remember to bring the physical card of the credit card used for any online booking to avoid the stress I endured on day 3.
• We booked all the transit tickets online about a month prior and find it worthwhile rather than spending 15 - 30 mins in queue at the ticket counters. The limited express tickets go crazy fast and I recommend booking them the hour they become available (1 month prior your transit date and as soon as it is open in Japan time).
• We booked all 4 accommodations via booking.com and find the messenger via the app very handy in liaising with the owne receptionist on whether we can offload our luggage earlier or forward our luggage a few days in advance. One of them even told me that I can check in few hours earlier as the room was ready. Regardless of what platform you use, try to communicate with the accommodation prior your arrival if you are considering forwarding luggage or dropping them off before your official check in time.
• Booking multiple accommodations over a short span of time is very tiring as we are needing to worry about getting our luggage from A to B every second day but only able to check in the next place 5 - 6 hours after checking out the previous place (Most checkin starts from 3pm and checkout from 10am). Our transition days are always stressful as we don't get to do much due to the timing while handling multiple baggage so the kids are crankier.
• Rubbish/ garbage cans are mainly found on major train stations or shopping malls as well as konbinis. Most vending machines only have a recycle bin but we have plenty of disposable nappy bags which we use as rubbish bags if needed.
• We had 3 data Sims about 5GB each which was sufficient for the 9 days (navigation, Google translate, WhatsApp voice call). Free wifi is available at most places which we use whenever we need to photo dump on WhatsApp group chats or play YouTube for the kids.
• My eSim stopped working when we arrived at Kyoto from Osaka but luckily I tried rebooting my phone and it connected to the local network after. Another down side of data only Sim is there is no Japanese mobile number which can be handy (make reservations at restaurants or signing up for taxi apps to get taxi).
• We use Google Maps and Japan Travel by NAVITIME App to plan our overall route each day, public transit details is quite clear via Google Maps with several options for different J metro/ bus lines. While Japan Travel App is able to approximate cost of taxi which was useful for comparison.
• For translation, we used DeepL app when we wanted to converse with someone in Japanese and Google Translate for written Japanese translation via the camera.
• In Osaka, getting around via JR and Metro is optimal in terms of time and cost; In Kyoto, buses are more readily available but be prepared to stand shoulder to shoulder as the buses are not big and averages around 30 - 50 people. We recommend a taxi if travelling a short distance (<10 minutes) for a family that can fit into a single car.
• You can forward luggage at your hotel or local 7 eleven via Yamato transport within Osaka.
• The Jikan refreshing legs patch worked well for me but my wife got woken up few times as her feet felt cold due to the cooling effect. We got some heat patches the next day and it worked better for her.
• A few Japanese phrases go along way and perhaps it's why we mostly get friendly responses (arigato gozaimas, ohaiyo, konnichiwa, kore onegaishimas, doitashi mashite, hitotsu onegaishimas, daijorbudes, kodomo).
• The basement level of most department stores/ shopping malls sells a variety of package deserts and often a bakery opened till 8pm where we sometimes go to after dinner to get brekky for the next morning.
• Some malls have an express lift (stops only at 1F and 10F) and it may be quicker to use those in combination with escalators to get to the level you like quickly.
• Coin lockers are found is almost every major attraction and JR station but finding a large one that is available can be challenging so allow extra time. Most coin lockers only take 100 yen coins with the exception of newer ones which also takes IC cards as payment.
• Some food courts have drinkable water for you to refill your bottles but otherwise vending machines and konbinis will quench your hydration needs (the peach drink is pretty addictive).
• Other than Booking.com, Google maps, Google Translate, DeepL and Japan Travel by NAVITIME, we didn't really used the other apps we downloaded before hand but you might find a use for them: Mamamap, NERV, Ecbo cloak, Klook.

Child related tips

• Younger kids take awhile to acclimatize to a foreign environment and our kids were more lethargic than they normally are during the day, sometimes needing 2 naps instead of 1 so be prepared to adjust your plans and skip over some places that were catered specifically for them if needed.
• Google maps only tells you the distance to get you from Point A to Point B horizontally. Unfortunately it doesn't consider the routes involving travelling multiple floors to avoid heavy traffic even with wheelchair access enabled. For instance you can go across Tenshiba Garden from JR Tennoji via the overhead bridge (not ideal as the route is longer with a stroller) or underground (best with a stroller but unfortunately Google Maps doesn't show this route and we stumble across it by chance).
• Google maps navigation over multiple floors is also not very accurate but the local directory maps are very informative so take extra time to study it and find the nearest access (parents room, lift or exit to above ground/ underground).
• The lift (singular as most train station platforms only share one lift unless it's a major one like Osaka/ Kyoto etc), are often located at one end of the platform so allow additional 15 - 20 minutes when travelling with strollers or luggage.
• Most department stores/ shopping malls (Daimaru etc) have a floor suitable for kids with toy samples for playing and sometimes even a free play area (Bornelund).
• Our kids love the Butaman from Horai and we probably purchased from 5 different stores throughout the trip (they are located at almost every major station and department store). Find something that works for your kids that can be found readily (7-11, family mart, Lawson's, daily Yamazaki etc) as back up when they didn't want to eat where you were dining at or if they fell asleep and skipped a meal.
• 100 yen stores (Daiso, 3 coins, Seria, Can*Do, Watts) have plenty of cheap kid activities (e.g. sticker books, puzzles, bubble wand etc) that can entertain them throughout the day/ in restaurants/ in the showe in the accommodation before bed etc.
• Paid Attractions in Kansai that are worthwhile if your kids are under 5 (6 and above may be charged separately): Tennoji Zoo, Abeno Harukas 300, Kyoto Railway Museum, Osaka Kaiyukan, Tempozan Ferris Wheel.
• Other brekky alternatives that we liked apart from konbinis/ bakeries were MOS burgers and Doutor coffee. Gyudons (sukiya, matsuya, yoshinoya) morning menu was a bit too heavy for our kids and other options we would have tried were too far from where we stayed (Tully's, McDonalds, KoHiKan).
• Some places require you order a main meal per adult but we are small eaters so we make sure what we ordered was something our kids might eat (not spicy etc).
• Tabelog is useful to tell you the size of the restaurant and we avoided anywhere that seats less than 20 people to save time.
• We tried to eat at a restaurant for lunch and dinner the first few days but actually realize the kids enjoy munching on small eats from konbinis/ street vendors more than a casual sit down meal so we were a bit more spontaneous the second half of the trip.
• Watch out for deer poo at Nara especially when pushing your stroller! Most of the deer are quite friendly and let you pet them but don't touch their tail area as they can get defensive. If your kids are feeding away the crackers too quickly, break them in half so you have more 'ammunition'.
• Metro and JR Trains (including limited express ones) stop for less than 10 seconds. Please remember to unlock your stroller when you are approaching your next stop and prepare to jump out.