Yes, it’s exactly what you read in the title. I think I have feelings for guy I haven’t met in person. So, a few years ago, I matched with a guy on Tinder. He and I have each other’s social medias, but not one another’s phone numbers. We’ve been messaging each other for a few years on Snapchat until recently.
He and I are close in age,early twenties, and from the same state. He goes to a college a few states away, so we’ve never met in person or when he was back in the same state. In the beginning of the messaging, he and I were consistent with the back and forth. There was flirting, jokes,etc.There were some points where I was more into him and he was more into me, it seemed we were never on the same page. We shared deep personal conversations and light hearted funny conversations. I think he’s really handsome, funny, intelligent, and geeky. And so much more. When I realized my feelings were strong, I tried to make the first move and invite him to my birthday celebration, he respectfully declined and explained that he wouldn’t be able to make it . He had a valid reason, he’s extremely bright(Physics Major, like Math, but Rocket Science) and got into a lab in another state for the summer, great opportunity, so I was very happy for him.
I tried to keep conversations after the fact, but it seems like I just wasn’t clicking with him like I was before. Seems like I was forcing it, and it was very one-sided on my behalf. Having feelings for somebody and having them on all your social media isn’t fun seeing them have fun and just seeing them accomplished things it truly truly makes it harder to keep my feelings to myself. I’m happy for him, but it hurts because I want to be a person that he shares this with.
Me, being states away didn’t help anything it’s not like I would be able to see him or if we pushed the boundary into being something more it would work necessarily. I had hoped though after starting more conversations, yet getting the same results of it feeling like I was bothering him, I kinda just took a break from social media. It’s been roughly 2 months since we’ve spoken. To be honest with you, I think he just forgot about me. Understandably he went to a college that was hours away. He had his friends there. I think his final year of college was this year. He probably even graduated. Which means he’s coming back to our state, his birthday is coming up and I want to spark up conversation by telling him “Happy Birthday” and maybe confessing my feelings to him, if I can’t work up the confidence to confess my feelings that is, I think I should start by offering my number and seeing where it goes from there? Hopefully, meeting him in person!
He’s a genuinely a great person, but I don’t wanna ruin anything we’ve built up to or anything we just have in general. Maybe if I like just wait it out this could just become a fleeting crush, but I don’t wanna stay with the feeling of “what if” . Any advice?

I'll begin this by shamefully admitting that I cheated on my fiance. We met online in 2016 and I was not ready for a relationship, I just knew I wanted her, her face was so damn striking, no makeup, probably the most beautiful woman in the world. At the same time, fear of commitment and weakness on my part had me asking to talk to other people as I was her. I needed validation at all times, and she wasn't enough.. I regret it so much because she was enough, I was just a coward. It never became an affair, my grabs for online attention were rebuffed. But it hurt her all the same and I've eventually learned to to drop my defenses and let her grieve and help her know every day that I'm sorry, she is enough and I love her with all of my heart.
Fast forward to today in which I'm working two jobs. In recent months, it's come to light that adultery is rampant at one of them (full time). Just 3 weeks ago we all found out that a 35 year old coworker was cheating on his poor wife with a 19 year old coworker that looks like she's 12. Before this blew up I'd often hear her and her friends gloating about cheating on their respective boyfriends. How they're all so boring and stupid. Laughing because one of them is lying about why they can't share their location on their device and he has no clue, commenting on his stupid heart emoji. It made my fucking heart sink.
At the other (part time) the head boss lady from day one would boast about the baby she just adopted with her wife. This was such a nice atmosphere, talk of love and a baby. Then suddenly one day her high school sweet heart who also just so happened to be a supervisor was showing up. A lot. And they were constantly flirting with each other, disappearing for "smoke breaks" constantly. In between all of this was her bringing up this baby. She very rarely ever brought up her wife at home. That also made my heart drop each incident. Meanwhile another supervisor had at one point been dating an associate, cheating on her husband with 2 kids. She told us her husband was abusive, we later found out she had a reputation for cheating on everyone she's been with.
Recently we got a new coworker (29f) at my part time job, married to a 45m with 5 kids. One day I was working and she went outside to vape, when she came back in she awkwardly rubbed my shoulder and said "hi bestie". Smiling real wide.
Me and my fiance are each others firsts. It makes my betrayal so much more shameful to me because of that. And we met online. I was never flirted with by anyone in person except a gay kid in high school (thanks for the confidence boost brother, hope you're doing well these days). By the time we met IRL, we had already flirted a lot online, I was not used to being flirted with by random women. I immediately told her the day it happened because I was already having a mental break from all the infidelity around me. Like a crushing guilt was getting stronger after we've worked so hard to put my horrible choice behind us.
The 35 year old still works at my full time, the 19 year old who was the other woman was kicked out of her house by her mom and she quit her job, her friends talk shit about her for her freaking out because her boyfriend "cheated". One of them told her boyfriend about the affair so she could sleep with him and she had a meltdown because how dare she be cheated on. Beyond that boasts about successfully lying to supposed loved ones continue as well and I've been having a mental break because of it.
The part time coworker has said further things, things I started to keep secret from my fiance for a while because I didn't want her to worry and think about her too much. I realize now withholding the truth is what really got me into trouble with the cheating. There was and is no danger of me violating that trust again, ESPECIALLY not physically, it's not much but I'm proud my cheat was online and rebuffed. But the most recent one in which she randomly blurted "I want a divorce".. .This was the line that made my mind snap. I was already getting clingy with my fiance because of everything, but with this I've reverted back to when I first became enamored with her. But this time without the insecurities and failures.
I told her recently about the rest of the coworkers flirts and how it's made me appreciate her probably like never before. Unfortunately working two jobs can make you a zombie and check out on life at home sometimes. But I find myself actively thinking of her more and the little nice things she does for me I take for granted. I'm stoked I'm having this reaction and not giving into past mistakes as I could be because it's thickly in the air, but what I want to know is why? Why did it take being surrounded by cheaters to appreciate her so much like this? Like I want to start planning the nicest surprise whatever for her just do something big for her just because she's there. It actually makes me realize a lot more of my failings than just cheating. I'm hoping it translates into a better relationship.

Hey everyone, I had the opportunity to land a sales job cold calling people getting leads for the founders. Pretty much my dad belongs to this Italian gentleman’s club where we all get dinner once a months he invites 15+ people and we all have a good time. The last time I was there I march my dads friend wanted to give me the opportunity to start doing cold calls for him and I would get $250 per appointment set (big company) pretty much I started the sales courses he sent me and I spent 30-34 maybe 35 hours max watching these videos and taking these courses. I started working there last week doing a bunch of zoom calls to learn how to get my hubspot set up. I was kind of struggling with the pitch for the first week and my boss could tell. I also have a really deep voice so sometimes when I talk it sounds funny. Can’t control that, either way he told me on Saturday that he wants to me to spend the next 2 weeks copying the pitch word for word, watching videos, and having me write a essay on why our group would be a good company. Then later today I come home from my part time job, now full time to find out that he texted my dad saying, I do not have a lot of tech knowledge , that he thought this would be hard for me to do, he pretty much just said it wasn’t a good fit. What I am upset about is that I have been through so much shit in my life, that I was really ready to make a change and get my life on track. I’ve spent the last month watching hours and hours of sales videos, adjusting my sleep schedule ,waking up more early, eating better, etc. just to find out that he’s given up on me before I could even start.
He told me to call him tomorrow, but I already know what he going to say, what would you guys do

Last week, BM dropped the “I’m your REAL mom, and she’s your pretend mom” on SD(6) over video chat the same day she told her she had a new baby that no one knew she was expecting (including SD).
Since then, SD has been having a really hard time. She’s always been a very happy kid, but it’s like something in her switched and it’s heartbreaking. She’s angry and sad. Not sleeping well.
The hardest part to navigate is that she’s actively icing me out. She told me last week that she wanted to me go in the room so she could be alone with her dad. My husband addressed that it isn’t how we treat our family, and we talked it out. She repeated that sentiment again today. For the last week, my husband hasn’t been able to speak to me directly without her jumping in and cutting me out of the conversation entirely. She doesn’t want to sit on the couch if I’m on it. It’s heartbreaking.
I’m trying to be patient, hold space for her, and not take it personally, but I’m having a really difficult time. Does anyone have any advice?
.
Background:
I’ve been the only mother figure for my SD since she was 1.5 y/o. BM left DH and took her out of state, and he was supposed to get her over the summers (plus child support and frequent video chat). That went out the window when family members raised very credible concerns of abuse & neglect. We’ve had her full-time since then.
SD started calling me mom during a time when BM was MIA for over a year and we never corrected her. When BM popped back up, we gave her a different variation of “mom.” BM has never visited. Never sent child support. Only video chats every 1-3 months (or longer). She’s never been denied the opportunity she just doesn’t.
Here’s the thing: we’ve never lied to SD. We just haven’t fully answered the question yet. She knew BM & DH were together. She’s seen pictures of them when she was a baby. We were avoiding the painful truth that BM went off and had more kids and has never shown up for her. That’s the first thing she asked about.
I think the phrases “real mom” & “pretend mom” is what got to SD plus the sudden new baby. It doesn’t help that in the same call, BM told SD that the reason she can’t visit is because we moved too far away.
Idk what compelled BM. We’ve never spoken badly about her before. We always just say “plane tickets cost a lot of money” when SD asks why she can’t come visit. We let the child support thing go… she just blew up SD’s worldview for her own ego I guess.
Nonetheless, I’m struggling to find a way to support her and hold space for her feelings without allowing her to treat me poorly while also repairing our relationship… Please help. This is so hard.

TLDR: junior software engineer with no guidance at work, lots of freedom which is great but also struggling due to lack of experience (trial and error approach). Wanting to know how I can support myself so I can become better as a software engineer and well rounded for future opportunities.
Forewarning: long post incoming, thanks for reading.
I've been working for a few months for a relatively small business in Auckland, primarily as a junior software engineer. I've been working on implementing brand new integration systems which sit in the middle between in house software and a cloud based ERP system. Lots of python, REST API development and general data processing.
I'm in a bit of a unique situation, in that it's essentially just my supervisor and I. They are a sort of jack of all trades IT specialist, and are self taught when it comes to coding. I have a background in software engineering and computer science, but this is my first 'professional' software role, so I'm essentially junior in terms of years of experience.
I have been really enjoying the job, my supervisor comes up with ideas and requests for things they want to have built, and I go away and crack on with coming up with a solution. It's been tough, but good fun. It's been a very 'thrown in the deep end' experience but I feel as though I've learnt a lot since starting at the job, albeit through a lot of trial and error.
My main 'concern' is that it's not a very standard way of building software, so I'm not getting the exposure I would normally get in a larger team with regards to mentorship. We don't do sprints, or any of that sort of thing. There aren't hard deadlines. There isnt really much of anything in the way of how a normal team of engineers would operate in industry. I can discuss ideas and problems with my supervisor but they mostly leave me be to crack on with my coding, they are generally busy fighting other fires.
I'm trying to apply the things I've learnt during my time in University but I feel like I'm missing out on having anyone provide feedback. I'm also missing out on the broader picture. A lot of what I do is just 'okay what tools can I use here, do a bit of googling, okay this sounds reasonable let's flesh that out, okay that works keep adding on etc.', but it feels undirected. I don't know anything about best practice, or industry standards, I just do what I can with the little that I do know.
I'm worried about my growth in becoming a well rounded software engineer, for when I eventually decide to move on.
I guess what I would like to know is, what could I do to help myself broaden my skillset and fill in the gaps where I'm unsupported, so that when I do move on, I'm not in the shit due to a lack of oversight from a more senior engineer.
Furthermore, are there any specific book recommendations that could help round me out? What tech stacks are most common in NZ? Should I continue to dig deeper on my python skills specifically, or should I try to dabble with different technologies so I am more marketable (for when the job economy becomes better in the coming years... hooefully).
I'm essentially trying to figure out how I can plan for my own professional development.

My last post went over surprisingly well, that said you should check out my new subreddit Talesofzippy for more content, because I'm definitely going to posting in more places around reddit and I'll be cross posting them in the tales sub for more people to enjoy!
With that, I don't remember any good stories about Zippy, but the place I work at is fucking filled with loonies, so tonight I'm going to introduce you to Katniss.
Katniss is about 63, tiny, and absolutely loved to talk about how good her guns are, even if she can't shoot or generally understand how they work. She tried to tell me that her Girsan was a high quality gun because the barrel is pinned in place.
I'm a competitive shooter, I grew up shooting and learning about guns.
When a pistol fires a round, a floating barrel will be pointed at an upward angle at the end of the stroke, while a pinned barrel doesn't. The floating barrel doesn't effect accuracy in any meaningful way because it is held in place by several seers, and doesn't begin to move until well after the bullet is out of the gun.
I tried to explain that, she didn't listen. She also can't shoot. Katniss.
She also wears boomer shirts about "snowflakes" and shares memes about the good old days when you could say whatever you want and be offensive.
This gets funny later.
Katniss and I worked together running gas pumps, and we generally got along great, in fact for a year I considered her to be a friend.
And then my dad killed himself.
I got the call at work and got a ride home as quickly as possible. Katniss was on shift with me and Yawn, who is the most chill person you can imagine.
They were incredible, Katniss broke into my apartment (at my request) and took my shotgun for safe keeping. She also took my keys and made me wait for a family friend to pick me up.
I called the night manager and told him I was going home and why, He offered me a ride.
I came into work three days later and stuck my head into my boss (Elk Daddy's) office. He simply said "how long do you need?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay."
I mention this because Anything less than this is a cancerous work environment. If a manager tries to negotiate with you when you've experienced a true tragedy, they're not a manager, they're a slave driver.
I had severe PTSD, nightmares, the whole shabang, for months I would stand at the desk and hear my mom's voice telling me my dad was dead, the first night back at work I witnessed some dumb janitorial drama (not zippy) and I started smelling the sickly sweet smell of human brain before I ran home and had my first panic attack.
(I'll tell the story of Elk Daddy, and make good on a promise I made my dad as a bonus at the end.)
Six months passed, my PTSD wasn't even beginning to heal, and she pulled me aside.
"Okay. It's time to stop now."
"Stop what?"
"This, you're in a rut, and you need to get out of it. It's high time you moved on and stopped being sad and moved on. See my sister was in a car accident and went into a coma when I was about 20, and I had a dream about her getting up and walking out of her hospital room and saying "it's about fucking time." The next day her heart gave out and she finally died. It was this freeing thing for me, because I felt like she was finally free of the broken body and the pain."
"Katniss I just don't feel like I'm... There yet. I'm still hurting, and I really don't feel like I'm ready to let him go. Things aren't that easy."
She didn't like that answer.
At the time I just felt broken, and just laid there and took it, but today I'm genuinely angry about it.
I was hurt, and now that I've rebuilt myself I realized how truly broken I was as a person.
She had no right to say anything to me about how it was time to stop. I'm still healing four years on.
That was when we stopped being friends.
Last year I was going through stickers for our local pride, the second one our community has ever had! I had come out as bi the year before, and had a side project that had grown large enough to have a booth at the local event. I was showing off some cool and funny stickers to Yawn, another cashier.
Yawn is great, he has no blood pressure, everything is just really cool and chill, and he really just wanted to be friends with everyone.
Genuinely nice person. I always get him a Christmas gift and he's always grateful, no matter what it is.
I turned around and handed a sticker to Katniss that said "be gay, do crime" with a little picture of a fabulous criminal goose on it.
She took one look at it and just went "No" rather forcefully, so I just backed off and moved on.
The next day my boss, Elk Daddy, calls me over.
"Op, you handed Katniss a sticker yesterday, and I just want to tell you. Stop talking to her. Please. For me."
"She really complained about that?"
"No, she threatened to go to HR because you "assumed her orientation" and tried to give her a sticker."
It is at this point that I'd like to add that Elk Daddy is gay. Like... Really gay. Him and his husband both donate their time and money to pride, and have been instrumental in making it happen. They are the gay uncles that stepped up to be dads for their nephews when Elk Daddy's brother couldn't.
He knows Katniss, and both of us know her HUSBAND.
So. We didn't talk outside of necessary conversations, and haven't really said anything to each other for any reason.... Until I transferred to my current department and ran out of pens.
I walked over to the cashier desk "hey Katniss, can I get a handful of pens? I ran out."
"I gave three to morning shift last night, what happened to those?"
"I don't know, and it doesn't matter, can I get some?"
Yawn walked over to the drawer where we keep the pens and opened it, while Katniss sighs and opens up her drawer and drops a pen on the counter.
"Come on Katniss, I need more than that."
"I don't have that many pens, they're not giving them to us, here, this is all I have."
She angrily throws down two more pins on the counter as Yawn retrieves an entire box of pens from the drawer and begins walking over. She sees him and motions for him to stop."
"Don't fucking bullshit me Katniss, I see Yawn with the box. Just give me some pens."
She drops six more down on the counter, I take them and walk off. "Thank you."
Ten minutes later she comes over to the deli and slams a box of pens down on the counter for me
"Don't ask me for pens again."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
She then told the MOD that I cussed her out. I told my side, and several people in the management chain pointed out that she wore tee shirts under her uniform that said more offensive things, one of them even saying "don't fucking bullshit me."
She is no longer allowed to wear her tee shirts.
She's also had it pointed out to her that she says "don't fucking bullshit me" all the time, and management has gently reminded her that she should not swear.
A few weeks ago she very dejectedly told me that she was done trying to help people, and I had to bite back a "good, we don't need it."
And here we are... End of another post about the weird boomers I work with.
BONUS STORIES!
As for Elk Daddy.
My boss has only ever taken his husband out hunting one time. When they did, they ended up trekking across the country on deer trails and through the brush. After 12 hours of being dragged through the brush and not shooting anything, his husband said something to the effect of "I hate this. I can't keep up with you and you just disappear all the goddamn time." He took my boss's phone, logged in, and yells "in fact HEY SIRI, FROM NOW ON CALL ME ELK DADDY."
nickname earned. He has it monogramed on his wallet.
And finally, my dad, who was another Boomer, used to love taking me out camping.
He was an electrical engineer, and was most certainly on the spectrum. He was brilliant in his own way, but absolutely unhinged when it came to teaching things.
A lecture from my dad could cover cleaning the stove (with diagrams on proper wiping techniques) to the finer points of building and firing a nuclear weapon. (With math included. No mercy.)
He tried to teach me calculus when I was six. It didn't work.
Anyway, on this particular camping trip he pulled me aside and said "op, I want you to make me a fire using nothing but two sticks, your knife, a match and the chainsaw"
Now. I knew where he was coming from, he wanted me to make a fuzz stick. I knew because he had only brought up the topic of making a fuzz stick every night for the past three days of camping. He then very helpfully added "and the chainsaw is a distraction."
Uh huh. Okay dad.
I Start cutting up the wood and making a teepee fire, and I hear a little "hmph" I look up and I see the smile. The grin he used to get as he started planning one of his little lectures. He was picking out the right words, deciding if he needed to demonstrate or just use a pen and paper.
I then opened up the gas tank on the chainsaw, dumped in a tablespoon of gas, lit the match and "whoof"
Fire.
Then the argument began.
"I said you couldn't use gas!"
"You said I could use the chainsaw, that includes the gas tank!"
"The chainsaw was a distraction!"
"Still gave it to me!"
"You cheated!!!"
"How?"
Long pause.
"I won, admit it. I beat you in a way you didn't expect. You will never live this down. I'll tell this story at your funeral!"
And I did. Three years later I tore up my hastily scribbled notes and told a group of the friends, neighbors and coworkers that he knew and loved about the time I finally beat him. We laughed.
I think he'd be proud, and a little indignant.
I miss you dad.

I'm a DIY psychic. I've had many dreams that came true. In one dream I literally flew out of my body and over my house and neighborhood like a bird. I saw exactly where this hidden lake was that I thought was much farther away. I was shocked to see how close it really was. When I woke up and looked at a map, the lake was exactly where I dreampt it was. I actually couldn't believe I didn't know it was there.
A lot of paranormal things were happening in my house at the time. Id hear knocking, people calling my name, someone walking in my hallway and cabinets slamming at night when I was in bed. I would dream of this stocky older lady with short red hair, a man in 50's style mechanics clothes and a little black dog that would bite my leg. In some dreams they were attacking me. In another the lady told me her name, showed me the old layout of my house, opened a back door that was no longer there, waved her arm to the outside and said "my whole family lived here." It didn't make sense her whole extended family would live in the tiny house I was in so I didn't understand what she meant. I later learned from neighbors that two brothers built the neighborhood and a whole extended family lived there.
Im not good at getting information when Im awake, but have been working on it and am getting better. I don't make decisions based on psychic impressions and don't go to other psychics. I don't announce or try to sell my abilities. I think people should be skeptical. Claiming to be psychic for money is a scam thats as old as the hills. I do think there are reputable psychics. Even good psychics make bad calls, and I had one gjve me very bad advice that had very bad consequences. I dont think people should depend on psychics and think people should work on meditating with intention of connecting spirit guides instead.
I think that unless you know you are a very accurate medium, like see clearly see dead people when awake, which some can do, you should not charge people money for your service. I also don't understand why some mediums charge $500-700 an hour claiming "God gave me a gift to help people." If you are serious about helping people, charge reasonable rates, otherwise you are only helping rich people and hurting poor ones. I dont care how famous you are. God didn't give you a gift to be greedy.
I have had a lot of experience with tarot cards and other oracles, especially the I Ching. Ive seen the same exact hexagrams happen multiple times in a row, which would be impossible according to probability, yet it happened quite often. I used the I Ching for many years before I realized that I wasn't necessarily talking to spirits of the light.
I think people should know that both good and negative spirits can speak through oracles. I don't actually believe its possible to have an accurate tarot card reading with real cards, but have had some pretty accurate readings with a tarot app on my phone. I think AI and technology has a lot of potential, but people should always make a sacred space first by surrounding themselves in white light and take oracle readings with a grain of salt. I won't pay for a tarot reading and do not think reading tarot cards is the same as having psychic ability. People should save their money and get a tarot app. People shouldn't rely on cards oracles for messages from spirit as they are highly unrealiable.
I used a pendulum to speak to the spirits living in my house. They told me there were 4 of them, the 3 I saw in dreams and a little girl. I and asked them if they would like help crossing over. Through the pendulum they told me they would. So I told them to pray to Christ to help them, and I would do the same. I prayed Christ would come and help them cross over and that was it. No more activity. Its been years. They have not come back.
Unfortunately, I invited a demon into my home with the same pendulum. Ive heard its like a beacon of light that goes out and can literally attract anything from anywhere. I was experiencing several hardships at once and like many people seeking psychics, became desperate for answers and started trying to use the pendulum to tell me what to do about them. I invited a demon into my house in the process. This ended up being a great learning experience, as all things in life. I have gotten very good at clearing my home as a result. The thing about demons is like to come back, especially if youve become aware of them and pay attention to them, and especially if you keep inviting them with oracles. A pendulum is as bad as a ouija board, which is why I wont use them anymore.
After that I kept getting harrassed by the same demon in the middle of the night. I had a roof leak in that house that I kept trying to fix on my own for years and had all this trauma and anger around a roofer who ripped me off and did more damage. I did eventually get it fixed but then one day I heard it again, the same "drip, drip, drip" in the same exact spot. I started flipping out because I just paid 10k on a brand new roof. I got up, and nothing was wet. I looked outside and there was no rain. This happened many times but usually stopped when I started looking for it. I realized it was a negative entity and the next time it happened I did white meditation and it immediately stopped. One night I was literally chasing it around the house and was dripping in different locations. I imagined white light and literally heard it squealing like a rat in distress. I was wide awake. I couldn't make this up.
I believe negative non-human entities are like a spiritual virus. They are simply negative energy that is sentient. Like viruses, some are stronger than others. But it needs attention and negative emotions to thrive, which is why you shouldn't be scared or give it attention. The visuals or sounds they can show are an attempt to get a fear response/negative energy to feed on. I think anyone can clear their own home and get rid of negative attachments the same way. Every AM and PM you take a minute to meditate that you are surrounded wit white light and pray for protection.
I clear my house like this: I do the white light meditation as mentioned above. I pray for protection and imagine a white sheet of light coming up from the foundation/basement all the way through the roof. When the white sheet of light gets to my roof, I imagine closing bringing the corners together and hand it off to Christ. I did this many times with the human entities and it worked for awhile but they would come back. I realized they were just outside and came back in when the protection wore off. I had to help them cross over for the "haunting" to stop. Demons take maintenance. Theyre like an infection that keeps coming back. You may have to meditate every night and clear your home once a month. Also know this: there is nothing in a demon to have compassion for. They are made from murderous intention and are never your friend. They also only have power over you if you let them.
If want to connect with spirit, its best to do so by opening your mind through meditation. One thing I am learning is that its not that easy for spirits of a high vibration to come down to earths vibration, so I have to take a minute to raise my vibration and protect myself. Prayer never hurts and often helps and suddenly you can find the energy to go on.
All this may sound totally crazy to skeptics, especially athiests, but if you live in a haunted house, you cant deny the existence of life beyond death. Its also a terrifying drag, especially when they won't let you sleep and give you nightmares. But it can ve a learning experience. Look at me. I could start charging to do exorcisms, but why? I just told you how. DIY your own exorcism. You don't need me. Many people have had similar experiences. This is not the first haunted home Ive lived in or my only spiritual encounters. This would be very long if I wrote them all. I have seen other spirits with my naked eye while awake. Its just very rare. Some people say they see spirits all the time and I believe them. We do live beyond these lives. Some can talk to the dead. The dead will come looking for those people because believe it or not, it sucks to be stuck on earth without a body even more than seeing a dead persons spirit.
Im saying all this with no ulterior motive. I have nothing to sell. I just ask that people have an open mind. The spirit world is incredibly fascinating. I agree that people should be skeptic of psychics. They should not spend their only paycheck on one. I think they can be great at connecting with a loved one who has passed on. But I also think the reason most of my abilities happen when Im asleep is because that is a time where spirits can reach us. I think if you see a loved one who has passed ina dream and it seems real, it is. A loved may already have visited you. If you meditate and raise your vibration, something may come through. If you believe its possible to speak to a loved one who is passed then you know you will see them again.
Life can be very hard. Sometimes we are desperate for answers. Thats when we are vulnerable and can be taken advantage of. In trying to find answers we can let something in that we don't know how to get rid of. I don't think there is really anything or anyone outside of you that knows better what to do with your life than you. Life is meant to be a mystery. We walk this earth blind, deaf and dumb about where we come from and where we return. The world can be harsh. It may seem hard to believe that beyond the physical and emotional pain of life is freedom from pain and Love. I believe many NDErs who come back with a similar message. I am suspicious of people who claim to have been given their lives back only to charge others $1000 and hour. Thats just exploitative. Dont ever pay anyone that much money! You should be suspicious of anyone who charges that much.
I think you should be your own DIY psychic. Just take everything with a grain of salt. We arent meant to know everything. The only truth is Love.

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So Im a fairly new landlord (35M) got a good deal on a property with 4 units on after moving into a tent for four months to help save for it. Now we been here about three years the tenants I inherited from the sale where great but they sadly passed away on a car crash. So after spending more than I can afford on renovations the new family moves in. First they keep on wanting to change the Depost agreement we altered out agreement twice and then still they came and told us they will pay the last of the Deposit when the have the money as it is their money anyway and does not affect us. I was like ,the F*cK it does affect us, so I said no that's not how it works.
If you feel that works for you, then great but not for us and it does not put allot of confidence in you as a tenant if you already cant pay what you agreed to. So This was a whatsapp conversation I think I sent the last part as a voice note. Next I have the guy (45M) saying I will not talk to his wife like that yada yada I said how many times must I talk politely before butting my foot down? Anyway I was able to de escilate it and we went on our business as they then paid the agreed final depost.
Fastwordard a few months. The Toilet pipe of their unit and the small one below is block they are on the same septic. I and. my care taker ended up digging up and unblocking it but low be hold TAMPONS came out. So some one had been flushing and it cause the block.. I address the lady in the smaller unit but she was only there for like a week and the pipe had been blocked pretty bad. So I asked my wife to message the tenants and say the pipe is blocked do to tampons they must not flush those things down the loo. The lady replied "Oh Ok" and That made me think well it was clreary them..
We fixed everything up and cleaned up. Later that night the tenant came down to discuss using my internet that they also agreed and did not pay for so I disconnected them. I mention to him that we unblocked the pipes and it was tampons if it happens again it will be at the cost of you guys as Im not digging through that shit again. Anyway this guy looses it getting in my face "AM I SAYING it WAS THEM" and the more I tell the guy relax let me finish he goes own again you wont speak to me like that and accuse US. When I was saying I hey I had a shit day dining through your SHIT next time its on you and Im the asshole! How do I deal with this tenant Would you Renew?

"So, basically, everything started 2 years ago when I moved to a new house in another city to finish my major in IT. In this republic where a lot of students live (8 at the time), my best friend and I went to live there. Upon arriving, I met this female (21), let’s call her S. We started talking and getting intimate even though she seemed like a good person. However, things happened and I tried to get away from her. But since she is crazy and we live in the same house, that did not work too well. She would do things like lock me in the house with her and hide the key, send her grandma to my house asking me to get with her, and all kinds of messed up things that I’m not writing here (if you want to know, ask in the comments).

It was basically more than a year like that. We were not in a relationship or anything, but that did not matter to her. Everyone at the republic knew but no one ever spoke about it and chose silence, even my best friend. I felt kind of bad because when he needed me, I was there for him. I tried to talk to him but he would always change the subject and did not like to get involved.
It was a year and a half like that. I literally would sleep from 2 am to 12 pm, wake up, go to college, and then come back at 11:00 pm so I wouldn’t interact with her. So, I started talking to a girl at my college and followed her on Instagram (I think that was my mistake where I am now). She followed me back. At first, I was really not looking for a relationship or anything, but I really liked her. She was a cool friend. But S did not like that, not even a little bit. How do I know that? I always was low profile. I did not like posting any photos on social media and all of that. My Instagram does not have a profile pic as well and I did not use it until recently, so I know that if I followed someone new, she would know.
So, after that, things kept going and I was not speaking to her. I had two best friends, one lived with me and the other one lived in my city. So, we used to gather at my place every Sunday and do something. It would come, he and his friends. One day we were talking and this best friend of mine showed his cellphone to this other friend with messages from her. I know that because this friend used to message a girl even though I was already talking to her. And when he showed the message to this other friend (let’s call this one L, he is going to be important later), he looked at me and said “you are screwed” and then we changed the subject.
So, for the next month, I kept my normal life as normal but she and my other friend (let’s call him F) started acting suspicious with her. I tried believing him and pretended I was blind and did not give a damn but he would always make things for me which he did not used to do. He started changing things in his life like going to college all day which was a thing I used to ask him to do so I wouldn’t stay all day by myself in college. He would talk about friendship a lot. I would also reply normally and then I felt like he was being an asshole and got mad at him and stopped talking to him so he would understand that I would do what he was doing (mainly the reason was I would not do that to him). And once she said all of my friends were assholes (she was right in here at least). So, going forward, I would speak to him but if he needed something or talked to me, I would respond normally but was still mad because of all of my friends, he was the one I trusted the most. He acted as if nothing was wrong which I felt he was at the time.
Then one day we were at the basketball game and he said to a lot of teammates that I stopped talking to him and he did not know the motive. So, on Sunday at my house with my friend L, he asked if I was not talking to F. I said that we are kind of in the middle of a fight but if they wanted to call him, they could. Then L said he would not call him since we were not on good terms And then I said okay, and after that, he asked what the reason was. I told him the story, saying I was mad because I felt like F was manipulating me. L believed that my friend F was a good guy because he has a girlfriend and all (he betrayed her after 5 years of relationship with his neighbor, which I knew and L did not, and I did not tell him of course, I ain’t no snitch). So, days passed and it was the birthday of S’s cousins, which I used to go to in previous years, so it was planned (she and her cousins are very close) because his birthday this time was at a public place, in a bar to be more exact. After getting there, I had a surprise because she was with another guy at a table, so everyone got mad at me because “I fought my best friend because of her”.
So, one day after that, my “friend” L said everything to his friend (I’ll call this one Y). So, Y and her had a past together and he did not like her at all. He was my friend too, we’ve known each other for the past 8 years. And then this friend got mad at me as well and everyone started making jokes and all, and I said okay, maybe I was wrong and went to talk to F. I called this other friend to go with me at the time because we used to live together in the past and he grew up together with us. When we arrived at his place, he asked us to wait. So, when he arrived, we started talking. I said I would never do something to mess up his life and he said that everything I thought to be true was only things from my head (as if I was crazy). He said sorry for doing something I did not do and asked if we were alright, and then I said no, we were not. I asked him to come to my house the other day and he came but acted as if nothing was wrong. We talked, joked around, and he went away. I still did not understand, but something was off.
So, days come and everyone on the chat group started wishing I was dead every day, which I felt bad about, not gonna lie. And then the break from college came to an end and I got back to college. But when getting there to play basketball, everyone was acting strange with me. I’m kinda skinny, well I’m way too skinny (I weigh 88 pounds) and they were guarding me with everything they had. I did not understand why, but I quit and went home. The other day, I called my friend F and asked him if he told something to them and he said no, I did not say anything, and then went away. After that, I started asking myself what happened, which messes you up when everyone refuses to talk to you. So, I stopped going to college for a month and when I came back to college, everyone in the college was looking at me with disdain. A lot of them would look away when they saw me. I did not notice until I got to the classroom. When getting there, I chose my place and sat.
So, in this class, there is this girl (I’ll call her C). You know, from when I started college, I ain’t going to lie, she was my first passion. I used to go and wait for her bus to come and take her home and all of that, so she would not go alone at night. But then came the pandemic and we did not talk anymore (mainly my fault). So, coming back to the classroom, she got up and then looked at me. I would not say disgust, but like kinda mad at me, but I did not understand at the time. So, I asked this friend for his water bottle because I forgot mine and when I got up to go to the drinking fountain, he said you can right there, do not need to go anywhere. I did not understand what he was saying but did not give a damn because he is a really good friend, he kinda helped me. And then she got up again. I, knowing her, knew she was trying to tell me something but did not know what. Then this friend (I’ll call him P) asked me to tell the professor why I did not come to his class for almost a month and I said okay and went to talk to him. I said, while everyone was listening, that I did not come because somethings were happening in my life and then he said it’s okay. I went back to my place and at the end of the class, I went out to the bathroom and when I came back, my things were on the ground, which I did not notice why at all. And then this guy came to me and asked if those things that were on the ground were mine. I was making a group with this girl since when the professor asked if someone wanted to make groups with me, they all said no. The professor even asked like that “Why? You guys don’t like him?” I did not understand why as well and just laughed. So, this girl that was making a group with me, when I came back from the bathroom, asked me to take photos of the papers. I said that it did not need to and then she insisted and I said okay and took the photo. When I got home, I was looking at the photos of the papers and I saw a photo I did not remember taking. It was the legs of someone which I assumed took my cellphone and took it. I kinda went into my head thinking what caused this issue. And then I remembered something I told F a while ago because he knew about this girl from the past. So, one day I was in the classroom with She also got up and went to fill her water bottle. I asked her to fill mine as well, but when doing that, I kind of got up and she thought I would go with her, but I did not. :( When she came back, she sat at her chair and lied down, which made me feel bad because I like her. She did not come the next week and the next, she was sitting behind me. She had her bottle on the chair and then I asked her, ‘Can I take your bottle?’ She said, ‘For what?’ I took it anyways and filled her bottle, came back to class, and gave it to her. She said thank you and I told F about this situation, which I thought was the reason.
Then, the other day in the classroom, I came back because there was a misunderstanding and she did not come. I thought she did not want to talk to me and I did not come for the next 2 weeks. Then, I came back on test day and like always, I sit at the same place in the classroom and she knows that, so she sat close to me on the day, which made me happy. Her friends would come every so often and pretend like they would kick my backpack. She got angry at them, looked at them, and they stopped. Then, after that day, I do not know what she said, but everyone treated me normally with no issues and I could come back to college.
So, until here, I have a clue or other about what happened, but I still needed to know who would say something like this to mess me up. Then, I remembered Y because every time something would happen, he would post something on Instagram. When I came back to play basketball in my city, everyone was treating me like crap and then everyone was saying to me that Y was my rival. I did not care that much, I thought they were joking. Then, one of his friends asked if he could sleep in the republic with my mattress and I said, ‘Yes, you can.’ Days later, Y on the group chat asked this friend of his if things went all right and then he responded saying, ‘Yes, everything went all right.’ (He probably slept with S on my mattress.) So, I started asking why he would be so mad at me and something came to my head.
So, Y’s father died of cancer and one day, F and I were at his house. When we were getting out, F looked away and passed this door without looking. Then, I came behind him, looked at the room, and it was Y’s father. He could not talk because his cancer was on his tongue. I looked at him and gave him a thumbs up and he did the same to me. Then, out of his house, I asked F why he would look away in that situation and he said to me, ‘I can’t even look because I pity him.’ Then, I said I would not pity him because I would not like people to pity me. But what F said to him was something different and he believed it. Then, he started threatening, not directly of course, and saying things to all the city like I used to have this friend when growing up and he went to jail because he killed somebody. I told this thing that happened to my friend F that when we were young, 10 years old to be more exact, he kissed a girl I used to like and then I went home and started crying. I said that, but if I remember, in that house, the room where S stays, she can hear us and she probably told Y.
Then, I went to my friend who killed someone’s house (his mom sells food, I buy there since I was a kid). After getting there, I bought my food and when going home, his brother and his friend got up on a motorcycle and passed very close to me as if they were telling me something. I did not understand why as well, but after some time, I understood. So, he is probably not stopped until I’m dead or he kills me and since everyone believes him, I can’t do anything. So, I ask, what can I do in this situation?"

So for the sake of this post I would like to remain anonymous but there’s a lot to this situation but I am posting to hopefully get unbiased feedback so I 21f and my fiancé also 21m got together a little under three years ago and when we got together life was amazing he was the perfect guy I followed the three month rule and we had a tough situation unfortunately before we had gotten together his mom was ill and needed a caregiver I didn’t want to be involved (bc healthcare you never treat family) so I tried my best to avoid it but in the end they needed a caregiver and I am a stay at home mom so when they had no other option I moved in with them and took ok that role of his moms caregiver and took on some household chores because his father wouldn’t clean up after dinner and to take care of her I had to clean up the kitchen to make her meals. Everything went ok it was a pretty toxic environment his dad was narcissistic and controlling and wanted us to clean up his house along w the camper we stayed in living there and maintain the whole property or pay 800$ in extra rent on top of the 450 we paid already (keep in mind to take care of his mom and do housekeeping I only got paid 200$ a month to take care of her full time so he could work full time so at least 40-45 hour weeks) so this starts affecting my daughter negatively she was scared to be in the house bc of how his dad treated us so we left and it blew up we cut contact with his dad after some more petty drama after his mom passed a few months after she passed we found out we were having a baby and I have hg which is all the time morning sickness I couldn’t drink water without getting sick in and out of the hospital just for iv fluids and I couldn’t keep up with the house work and it ended up being I couldn’t depend on him at all to take care of my kid or the house bc he worked a 40 hour week so we keep dealing with this problem and he is a good guy he doesn’t cheat or hit me we’re financially ok but it’s gotten worse since time has gone on I had the baby and he slept untill I was 8cm dialted no epidural I tried waking him up for support and he picked a fight with me I stayed awake the first three days i had the baby total of 6 hours of sleep the first 72 hours of the babies life meanwhile he got plenty of sleep I’m so tired and I have so much cleaning to do bc of him not keeping up even neglecting animals I just there hasn’t been a spark and it got rly dark for me and someone from my past came back in and made me feel heard emotionally and I haven’t had that in forever in this relationship I’m in now and I cheated in a weak moment I know I’m shitty for it and nothing will make it right but i couldn’t say no when it felt so good to finally be desired by someone and so now to save my relationship the person my close friend who did get me through a lot I have to ghost and he revealed he loves me and will wait for me . I know I’ve been all over the place this is sooooo detailed I barely cover all the hurt and disappointment i go through but being ignored in labor and while I’m crying bc he needs sleep he’ll fall asleep all the time without even realizing it and fight me and be angry and take it out on the kids when he wakes up in the middle of of sleeping I just feel like he’s turning into his dad and how toxic he was I just I’m so lost here and need help to be honest hopefully someone will listen to my nonsense I’ll update or give me context if asked thanks if you got this far

Four Iroquois Hunters
Once, not long ago, four Iroquois hunters spent the winter together trapping in the north. They had good luck.
When they brought their furs to the trading post at the end of the season, they had more than enough to buy all the things they needed for their families.
In fact, there was just enough left over to buy a new rifle.
They had a problem.
Although they hunted and trapped together as brothers, for all of them belonged to the Bear Clan, they did not live together.
One hunter was from the Nundawaono, the People of the Great Hill, the Seneca.
His home was to the west.
One was from the Gueugwehono, the People of the Mucky Land, the Cayuga.
His home was to the south near the marshes by the long lakes.
One was from the Onundagaono, the People on the Hills, the Onondaga. His place was in the very centre of the lands of the Great League.
One was from the Ganeagaono, the People of the Flint, the Mohawks.
His home was to the east. Now that they had finished trapping, each would be returning home.
It was easy to divide provisions among four people, but how could they divide the rifle? Finally it was decided.
The man who told the tallest story about hunting would take the gun home.
The Mohawk hunter spoke first.
“A man was walking along.
He had been hunting all day, but his mind wasn’t on his hunting.
He’d used up all of the bullets for his old muzzle loader without hitting anything.
As he walked, he ate some cherries he had picked. Eat one, spit the stone into his hand.
Eat one spit the stone into his hand. Then he saw, right in front of him, a big, big deer.
But he had no bullets left. He thought quickly.
He poured powder into the gun, took the cherry seeds, loaded them and fired at the deer’s head.
The deer fell down, but it got right up again and ran away.
“Some years later that same hunter went out again hunting in the same place.
Again he had no luck. Near the end of the day he saw at the edge of a clearing a tall tree covered with ripe cherries.
Ah, this man thought.
At least I can eat some cherries.
So he put his gun down and began to climb up into the tree.
He had reached the lower branches when the tree began to shake back and forth and the hunter had to hold on with both hands.
Then the tree lifted straight up into the air and he was thrown out.
He looked up from the ground and saw that the tree was growing from between the antlers of a huge deer which shook its head one more time and then ran away into the forest.
And that,” said the Mohawk hunter, “is my story.”
Now it was the turn of the Onondaga hunter.
“One time my uncle was out hunting. He had only one shot left in his gun and he wanted to make it count.
He came to a stream where he saw a duck swimming back and forth, back and forth.
Just in front of the duck there was a large trout and it was leaping from the water to catch flies, leaping, leaping, leaping.
On the other side of the stream there stood a deer.
It had its head up and it was standing still, sniffing the wind. Further back on a small hill was a bear up on its hind legs, scratching its paws on a tree, up and down, up and down.
My uncle got down on his belly.
He crawled close to the stream, took careful aim and waited.
When everything was just right and the trout jumped again he pulled the trigger.
His bullet went through the trout and killed the duck.
It ricocheted off the water and struck the deer.
It went through the deer and killed the bear.
My uncle was a good shot. The amazing thing–I know you will find this hard to believe–is that when he went to skin the bear he turned it over and found it had fallen on a fox and killed it.” The Onondaga hunter paused for breath.
“And that fox had a fat rabbit in its mouth.”
The Cayuga hunter was next.
“Many seasons ago my grandfather was out hunting and saw a deer.
He started to chase it so he could get closer for a better shot, but he ran so fast he went right past the deer.
When the deer saw my grandfather go by him, it got scared.
It turned around, jumped as hard as it could and sailed right over a stream.
My grandfather jumped too but when he got halfway over the stream he saw he couldn’t make it to the other side so he turned around in mid-air and jumped back.
By now the deer hid behind a hill on the other side of the stream so my grandfather couldn’t see it anymore.
“Now my grandfather was angry. He wasn’t going to let that deer get away! He put his gun between little maple trees and bent the barrel.
The he aimed and shot.
The bullet curved right around the hill and struck the deer.
“When my grandfather saw the fallen deer he got real excited.
It was as if it was the first deer he’d ever shot.
He started to skin it right away,
But the dear wasn’t dead. Just when my grandfather reached the horns and was about to pull the skin off, the dear jumped up and began to run around.
My grandfather tried to grab the deer, but it was too slippery.
He chased it around and around.
Then the skin got caught on the bark of a hickory tree.
The dear backed off and pulled real hard and the skin came right off over its horns!
The deer ran away, leaving my grandfather with nothing but its skin.
” The Cayuga hunter looked up and look a deep breath. “
And if you don’t believe my story, you can just go to my grandfather’s lodge.
That skin is still hanging there.”
Now only the Seneca hunter was left.
He looked around at the other three.
Then he smiled and shook his head.
“Wah-ah,” he said, “I am sorry.
None of us Senecas ever tell tall stories about hunting.”
The other three hunters looked at each other.
Then, without another word, they handed him the gun.

You make pretty regrettable mistakes when you're desperate. Unfortunately, desperation would go on to cost me much more than I ever thought possible.
When I was 19 years old my financial situation wasn't great. In what was left of a crumbling home would be my recovering addict twin sister, and myself. The unfortunate state of our home was all from the even more unfortunate passing of our parents just five years prior. The two hadn't died tragically by any means, thankfully. No.. our parents died of old age, a consequence of having us kids later in life, while not being able to take on the financial burden that would be.. us.
My sister was making the early steps into the college lifestyle, doing her best to stay afloat with my support in funding. Money was tight for the two of us, but as she became more well off on her own, the more content she was with severing the last remaining tie to her childhood.. me.
I didn't hate Xel for her decision, if anything I understood her distancing from this life.. even if it saddened me. So then it was just me! Left to a house with a hole in the ceiling. Believe it or not, life wasn't all to bad even with how considerably down in the dumps it otherwise seemed to be.
However, content as I might have been, it's human nature to want more than you have. Can't say I was to greedy to look for some comfortability in my own home..
And so there it was! The glistening letters of ink outlining my salvation. An advertisement I'd found plastered onto the wall of the small booth I sat at while I waited for the bus to carry me off to work. "$5,000 to those compatible for a recent scientific breakthrough." Under any 'normal' circumstances I would consider this a scam. Hell, I was skeptical as I scanned the letters. Had I been told of this opportunity through spam call or text I would've glossed right over it just as anyone else would have.. but I was desperate.
I think it was the fact that someone, some real person had to have put this paper up on this wall gave me some glimmer of hope for a quick cash grab. Listed bellow the promise of money was details for a number to call regarding interest in the proposition.
I took the bait.. I saw the line, and like some idiot I clamped my teeth down just for that hook to sweep me away.
The corporation I'd come to know as, "The Arsaction," would see me just a week later. There was a brief consultation. They took my weight, age, all things I would've expected. It wasn't until they pulled records regarding my familial situation that I began to find this whole ordeal.. suspicious.
To 'begin' to find things suspicious only at this point is foolish, something I full understand, but I feel the need to reinforce the fact that I, Lex McKarthy, was desperate.
Everything by this point seemed pretty legit. The blood tests, the doctors office, the tests were.. reasonable. What was I to suspect? Everything was so vague, and truth be told I honestly didn't even expect anything to come of this visit. All the doctors, all the consultants seemed so disinterested in my features.. but when they realized I had no one, everything seemed to change.
Suddenly ears perked, suddenly doors closed, suddenly I was.. exactly what they were looking for. Every feature of myself was so painfully average. I was anyman, I was.. nothing. Despite their best efforts to be discreate, I knew it was only the fact that nobody would come looking for me that peaked their interests.
My stomach dropped when I was faced with a pen in my hand, trembling over that NDA. Every fiber of me cursed myself for never considering putting just a minute of research into 'The Arsaction,' however a video briefing would ease my nerves. Nobody knew who The Arsaction was. There was no public record of their existence, and that NDA would make sure that they continued to never exist.
I was stupid, I was irrational, I was in over my head! But I was desperate.. and I had nothing else.
"I have nothing else.. I have nothing else!"
It was a mantra I chanted as I was injected with that substance. The substance that turned my blood orange, made my skin freakishly thin.
And then I went home.
That was it. I was given my sum of money, and I was sent home. They told me I was, "good to go," and no number of questions would get a one of them to speak. I was only met with who I'd assume to be security guiding me out of the building.
Not a word more of what I'd just been injected with, only given instructions to not dwell on mirrors for too long. That was it, just some ominous instructions. So I left, as befuddled as I arrived. Relief washed over me as I made my way home. The anxiety I'd received from such an ominous buildup was all waved by the fact that I was somehow just.. good to go?
Relief quickly turned to panic as the inherent nature of it all being too good to be true set in. I expected to die, I expected some visit from government agents, I expected anything and everything, but as months turned to years.. Nothing ever came of it. No mirror ever caused me any harm, which was its own anxiety I'd have to overcome simply because of the absurd nature or such a request.
I hoped it was.. some prank. Everything was well... for a time. Until my sister called.
I just.. watched the phone ring. My sister, someone who I hadn't spoken to in upwards of 8 years was suddenly ringing me up. When I finally had answered, her question left me speechless.
"Hey Lex. would you happen to remember Mom's recipe for that egg toast? I think I left the cookbook at your place."
I felt my ears ring. The question was so.. casual. She entirely skipped the part where we discussed how she's been, how I'm doing. She spoke to me like we'd hung out only days ago.
At the time I'd thought I was just being dramatic, but looking back on it I can only justify my own hesitation to respond.
"W-..what?"
I stammered like a fool, but I was firm in my disbelief.
"Yeah, it should be in the book on the counter?"
I looked over my shoulder to my kitchen counter, past the toaster I never bought, and over to the book she spoke of. My jaw hung heavy, the whole interaction feeling like a dream.
With one hand I held the phone, and with the other I began to skim the pages of the book letting my eyes linger on mom's cinnamon roll recipe for a bit longer than intended.
"Lex.. are you ok?"
My sister inquired on the other end. I suddenly felt sick.. falling the the ground and laying on my back. This wasn't happening. It never did.
"Lex? Are you alright!?"
My sister repeated back more urgently, followed by her assurance that she would be over soon to check on him. But.. no company ever arrived. After hours the line just dropped, and I fell asleep there on that cold, wooden floor, paralyzed with a feeling I couldn't wrap my head around.
This never happened.
I never left.
I woke up in my bed in a cold sweat. I checked the time, greeted with a humble 4:37 in the morning. What troubled me was the fact that the date had been set back 7 years.
Of course it wasn't all so clear to me. After 7 long years I'd honestly forgotten about this day. This was the day that I'd set out for my graciously provided $5,000
7 years of my fucking life.. I would chalk it all up to that.. STUFF that they injected me with.. what was it? Phantom Drive? I could call it all some terrible drug trip, some construct defined by some insane psychedelic, but if that were the case, how was I here now? BEFORE I'd ever taken the drug?
This is a dream. I convinced myself I hadn't miraculously gone back in time, that 7 years of my life weren't a lie, but if that were the case, why was my blood still that damn orangy hue?
I'm losing sleep over this itch in my brain. It's like some taste of blood in my mouth has soured out the idea that letting my eyelids squeeze shut could further obscure my definite understanding of when I stood.
A day I remember so vividly at the ripe age of 14 years old, now 12 years ago, I awoke to the sweet smell of cinnamon rolls filling the air. All was right with the world, all as I climbed from the messy sheets in my dark room. It was abundantly clear that the bulb of the light beside my bed had burnt out over the course of the night, and the closed blinds didn't aid my vision as I stumbled around my room in search of my door.
An oddity presented itself in the fashion of aimless wondering. Where was the nob? One I'd become so accustomed to.. not needing to open? I'd never closed my door. Not the previous night, not ever. Not to the behest of my mother who'd always taken annoyance to closed doors, some trait of my grandmother's to which my mom had unfortunately inherited.
Breakfast took the form of two strips of bacon, scrambled eggs, and slightly burnt French-Toast. My previous assumption of cinnamon rolls unfortunately missed the mark, however I wouldn't object to this. I wish I could convince myself that I was wrong. Something so mundane, something so insignificant to the events in this story, however the first notable instance of a curse that I couldn't pinpoint
My mother had already seen herself off to work by this point, and so I was faced with the responsibilities of seeing myself out to the bus. Some routine I'd become far too used to; The minutes passed, leaving me with nothing to do but wait by the door for a buss that would never arrive.
If the door being shut and the cinnamon rolls being a different meal entirely had left me with a minor confusion, then suddenly being seated in the passenger seat of my mother's car listening to the nonchalant complaints from my twin sister about the nuances freshmen year math shot me into a disarray I couldn't possibly quantify.
I think one of the scariest things for me is the fact that I thought nothing of it. I hadn't freaked out. No scene was made to express what should have been one of the more disturbing instances of my childhood.
I could chalk up the mistaking breakfast for something else as me just misremembering events.. But something unmistakable is the fact that somehow my mom both never drove me to school, yet the fact that she.. always had.
If you're confused, I understand. I am too, because the contradicting nature of my memory is something that haunts me to no end.
Things were easier as a child. That's often the case, but ever sense I stopped aging, I've begun to notice the oddities presented by life that are.. inexplainable. I'm not even sure where to start with researching my predicament. Hell, this is reddit! If I couldn't find an answer here, I doubt there is an answer to be found at all.
The Mandela Effect is something that I feel needs no introduction. To those who don't know, the Mandela Effect, in brief, is a phenomenon that incurs when you "misremember" something. Think of a card, now imagine you saw that card as a child and it had a single heart drawn on it's center. Now, years later you are discussing this card with someone else just for them to tell you that the heart you swear, the heart you KNOW you saw.. was a diamond. You tell them they are wrong, you shake your head, chuckle nervously.. But then they present you with the card.
Your stomach drops. This can't be the card, there is no way! Only it is the card, and when you come to the realization that it is in fact the card you'd seen as a child, you are filled with a mix of confusion, fascination, and quite possibly denial.
Most often, the Mandela Effect is associated with silly things like books titles, and board game mascots, but my experience is far beyond such things. It's the only phenomenon I've found that seems even within the realm of explaining my predicament. Problem is, the more I think, the more is wrong.
All of me wishes it all ended with that one childhood experience! But it didn't. In fact, the more I consider my childhood, the more contradictions I notice. Part of me believes I could handle this if it was limited to my childhood, but it's not. This.. experience... It effects my every day!
I'm not losing my mind, I'm just picking up crumbs that I never dropped. Not.. losing my mind, just finding more "mind" than the inventory should account for.

I had a one night stand last month (5 weeks ago). We used condoms for vaginal sex. However she also gave me oral (lots of saliva involved) and for the first time in my life she licked my anus- again lots of saliva and she did go inside. Can you catch anything this from this? Haven’t had a one night stand in 15 years.
I went to get tested, I am in the UK, and was told I had to go to a GUM clinic. When I got there they had me take home a home testing kit- I basically nearly fainted when I tried to prick myself due to issues I have with puncturing my skin. I tried to do it several times and failed. So I went back to have an in person test. This time as I’m waiting in notice the main nurse holding appointments was a good friends wife- I felt so embarrassed, and bailed out.
So I’m trying to figure out if I have put myself at high risk before figuring out if I can test. I am casually dating someone now and it may get serious as we are spending more time together. Again this is a friend who knows the nurse at the clinic. I realise she should be a professional but I’ve reason to believe she MIGHT gossip and I’m too embarrassed- everyone knows everyone where I live.
If I have to go to a different clinic it will be a day off work which is a problem in itself- I wanted to research how necessary or urgent this is. Again all vaginal sex was protected with condoms, but oral and analingus (?) were not.

A conversation with a few friends of mine some skins have certain audiences to them and certain people will pick them more than others that's just the nature of people, and sometimes these people can be fit into certain groups, and certain stereotypes which is also nature of people. So I will be talking about these stereotypes, with 4-8 champs at a time depending on how many skins they have, starting with- Not androxus- but some general skin types etc.
Let me start off by saying that stereotypes are broad, and over generalized by nature, and not everyone is the same we're not Buzz Lightyear here, at the very least these are meant for fun.

Basic Recolours

The recolours you can buy for gold often attract semi-new players those that got the champions they like and often will spend "extra" gold on recolours.
They're most likely new at the game, or at the very least their champion.
Certain recolours will be brought up again per champion if they add anything different or have a different stereotype.

System Recolours/Promotional Recolours

So these guys probably are more likely to be even newer than the basic recolours since they got them from linking accounts or following/subscribing to different social media and all that.

Mastery/Gold Skins

Assuming it's gold they're probably confident in their skill with a champion and want to display that, but with the obsidian and cosmic ones they tend to be the same as basic and promotional recolours.

Invitational/Event Recolours

Okay so we're done with recolours after this I promise but often these are old school players, often ignoring the actual quality of skins to more say that's when they were around.

Hats

Hats are kinda the same as the event/invitation recolours but they can also be found on new players who got the hat from a chest, in general if they have a proper skin they'll dump these for the skin so at the very least that leaves semi experienced players who finds the frog hat more funny than they do the cowboy cool.

Androxus

It's fair to say that Android is the poster boy of paladins and since he's relatively old he's got a lot of skins over the years and he's got quite the audience, I mean really he's the guy they show on the splash art of the game like imagine little Timmy seeing his older brother playing Androgenous "Who's the cool guy with the revolver and horns?" And his brother is like "That's my main Abolitionist" and then next game Timmy is playing Angrosist.
And they're very against nerfs every time pretending it'll kill Ambrosia and every time he's just fine maybe the fact he's got a solid baseline kit means he's not struggling when nerfs come knocking. Either way it doesn't stop the complaints.
Often Anglo (Okay the bits running thin) players take themselves seriously, whether you should depends, and depends alot. But he does inevitably attract edgelords, assholes, and blowhards.

Exalted

Exalted Andros tend to hold themselves in high regard but at the same time tend to suck, they bought this skin since it was cheap and with it are often not that great.

Imperator

So imperator is basically the same as exalted in looks but it does have the caveat that it's actually not as readily available which means someone has to make a active choice to run this, these guys are pretty much more for simplicity and class over complexity and fancy stuff, this means you'll see them play pretty good Andro where they'll stick to the stuff that works rather than flashy montage worthy stuff, they can do these but they more prefer understated competency over flashy nonsense.

Screech

This is a hat that actually has a stereotype since it's not apart of a chest it's from the deal of the day that makes a difference to who is using it. These guys are mostly raging blowhards, they think they're gods at the game but they're not as good as they believe, like antlers they say crap but not enough to get banned. This changes to just normal tryhards when they get their hands on shattermaw, almost every Andro with this skin and shattermaw are more interested in shitting on you and moving on to the next, they really only do really good in casuals without comms, but they can get work done in ranked.

Cangaceiro

Okay so this guy either uses the Shatter Maw and same deal as Screech Andro's or they run they Huntsman's gun and if you get to talk to them in a party or something they'll cry about how the pirate skins in Paladins Strike aren't ported over to paladins. It's weird and it's specific. They do tend to be nicer and less serious than Screech Andros.

Huntsman

These are the most average Andro's in existence, they certainly exist but they're not too interesting all considering. They're not bad or good, or particularly toxic or nice or anything like that, they just exist.

Steam Demon

I mean there's a Young Frankenstein joke to be made here. But Andro's running the steam demon skin tend to be uptight and expect people to carry their own weight... Of course the chance they tend to mess up they go silent, they're not rude perse but they sure do expect a lot.

Fallen

These are the guys who listened to Nightcore- Angel with a shotgun too much and will be very melodramatic, and tend to be almost always a downer for the team, they do clutch up though so something to be said.

Battlesuit Godslayer

No one really uses this skin if they have others, really this skin doesn't sell the gundam vibes the others do maybe it's because of his waistcost flowing back there but really he just looks like a guy in a robot suit

Steelforged/Dragonforged

These Andros are just as dramatic as Fallen Andros but they seem to be in on the joke and often will more be self aware, they will be playing like some viking bagpipe metal music so it's not all good with them.

Avatar

These guys probably blame their support and will unironically quots the skin, not realizing it's making fun of them. They also probably are tickled by the fact it looks likr a Xbox 360

Modded

Now often with battlepass skins their recolours are basically the same stereotype normally but for Modded these guys have basically brain rotten themselves down to the same level with their obsession with RGB lights.

Exterminate

Yeah another skin no one uses really, unless they're really interested in the cat in his backpack otherwise it's just not really a great skin since it's just a guy in a dragon ball z kai uniform without the cool ass powers and literal royalty free music.

Grave Danger

This is Kinda like omen it's not as self aware but it's hard to take this skin more seriously than default and these guys tend to be chill but it's a newer skin so it's not exactly like there's room to have a stereotype yet, which is fair but still other skins still have stereotypes that formed same day as their release.

Golden

Now it's rare that a gold skin that doesn't change something about a character shows up but this is widespread since every Andro on earth who runs this will almost always have a bloated ego, whether it's 50 or 550 these guys are super quick to be offended and will tunnel the shit out of you for just about anything.

Ash

Ash is weirdly uncommon despite being free, probably because everyone is running at point with her and she basically loses that engagement to every proper point tank, she is a offtank first and foremost after all.
As for stereotypes there is a few thing that I've noticed with Ash's (Ashes? Ashs? Ash players) First is if they're running the default voice pack even with other skins they're definitely offtanking.
And another oddity is the Ash mains that have more than one skin tend to never properly match their weapons and skins up, it's weird but every other Ash main I see runs a different weapon and skin.

Heirloom Crest

So I bring this hat up because unlike anyone else with a hat skin no one wears this, honestly it should just come with a different version of Ronin but really this is the exception to the hatskin rule, these guys are just new players who got it from a chest and felt justified in using it because they spent crystals on a chest.

Ronin

Ronin Ash players kinda just suck, it can be a matter of many different things as to why these guys struggle, they could suck at shooting people, they could be bad at positioning, trying to point tank, they're using their abilities at shit times, they could be great with all of that and still they'll have a terrible deck and talents.
These guys just suck

Xenobuster

Xenobuster Ash players tend to run into fights they shouldn't and lose, this more or less comes from the overuse of shoulder bash, otherwise they're probably running knock back spam, they're most likely to be found on TDM Throne or Abyss trying to wait around corners to throw you off. They will go spastic if you buy sentinel.

Street Style

These guys are meatheats, they're less interested in actually capturing the point and more just want teamfights, the objective and space are biproducts, as such you'll see these guys with really selfish buys, and decks, and they'll steal kills with slugshot, they're not doing it intentionally but they are rude.

Ska'Drin

Ska'Drin Ash players often properly play Ash as offtank and for the most part are good sports, it's nice enough at least when these guys are working with you, they will probably ask for someone to point tank while they do their thing.

Scorned

Another recolour with a different stereotype, these guys are also playing Ash as offtanks but their also raging assholes, and will bitch and moan from just about anything, whether it's their fault or not they'll yell at their team, though at the same time they are probably making space, and do their job well enough

Draconian Huntress

As mentioned earlier Ash mains tend to be rather rare, and the amount of people who'd go out of their way for this skin is rarer, these guys pretty much are guaranteed to be Ash mains or at the very least skin collectors. As for gameplay it's hard to say since I've seen like 4 people use this skin

Atlas

Atlas mains are pretty much obsessed with telling you they're Atlas mains it's like telling people you don't play fortnite or something. Like good on you mate, but I and I'm pretty sure most of the world don't really care. Skill ranges wildly and skins for the most part don't really change that.

Chronomancer

So uh this skin no one uses, you'll more likely find a Atlas running default with this Skin's gun, it's weird it's specific and I have no idea why it's like this... Oh yeah because Atlas looks awful without a beard.

Legionnaire

So Legionnaire Atlas is kinda a situation like Grave Danger Andro mostly because the skin again looks kind of goofy, though for the effort put into it, it's at least nice. Still these guys take themselves just as seriously as the skin does.

Corrupt/Vile

Most of these guys just suck like sure there's bound to be a good Corrupt or Vile Atlas out there but every one I've seen just sucks. It's a bloody shame since they're nice skins.

Azaan

Azaan doesn't really have too many skins to talk about but at the same time most people aren't exactly Azaan mains he's kind of a back pocket kind of champion.

Forgemaster

These guys actually main Azaan, and they're quick to get defensive on why they pick the shirtless Azaan skin

Dark Drake

I don't get how anyone understands this skin, it's so garbled and just nonsense, there's no real stereotype but I did find out that this skin has the same voice actor as Freddy Fazbear...

Barik

Again Barik mains are a rarity and, nost of the time I only really see last/bottom picks grabbing Barik and doing really nothing all game but cry about their team not carrying them.

Hi-Tek/Stonecut

If a champion has access to their pre-reworks skins and in general just older skins they're often on the cheaper side and really are just bought by newbies due to this, that's really it outside of the odd end nastolgia tripper.

Team Fortress 2

So you get this skin in a way that's similar to promotional recolours, and it's more or less exclusive to steam, it's a safe bet that a TF2 Barik is new at the game and on steam, that's it.

Swashbuckler

Pirate skins often invite people into running teams of pirates skins, outside of that Swashbuckler Bariks tend to more or less the point jockey they live on the point they die on the point.

Steel/Dragon Forged Barik

This guy listens to diggy diggy hole and probably runs some stupid deck that relies on a gimmick these guys are here for fun and will probably do something cool, maybe?

Betty

Betty is new-ish and so she only has the one skin, Betty kinda is the easy version of both Willo and Dredge without the impact of either, this means Betty attracts bad players.

Dragonette

Bowsette meme aside this is Betty's only real skin and so it's kinda broad to say anything but I assume once she gets something else it'll attract... A certain audience.
So yeah 5 champs, feel free to suggest anything for future champions I'll probably see or agree with them.

Reading the Stellaris Wiki, and setting up a spreadsheet, I've calculated the number of monthly paperclips you have to make to meet each possible quota, on Captain difficulty where the first quota is 8000. I used to take out my phone, use the calculator app every cycle, but now I have made this table instead.
https://stellaris.paradoxwikis.com/Situations#Commodities_Consolidation

fail: 5666 total, which is 48 per month 2210: 8000 total, which is 67 per month 2220: 9600 total, which is 80 per month 2230: 11520 total, which is 96 per month 2240: 13824 total, which is 116 per month 2250: 16589 total, which is 139 per month 2260: 19907 total, which is 166 per month 2270: 23889 total, which is 200 per month 2280: 28667 total, which is 239 per month 2290: 34401 total, which is 287 per month 2300: 41282 total, which is 345 per month 2310: 49539 total, which is 413 per month 2320: 59447 total, which is 496 per month 2330: 71337 total, which is 595 per month 2340: 85605 total, which is 714 per month 2350: 102726 total, which is 857 per month 2360: 123272 total, which is 1028 per month 2370: 147927 total, which is 1233 per month 2380: 177513 total, which is 1480 per month 2390: 213016 total, which is 1776 per month 2400: 255620 total, which is 2131 per month 2410: 306744 total, which is 2557 per month 2420: 368093 total, which is 3068 per month 2430: 441712 total, which is 3681 per month 2440: 530055 total, which is 4418 per month 2450: 636066 total, which is 5301 per month 2460: 763280 total, which is 6361 per month 2470: 915936 total, which is 7633 per month 2480: 1099124 total, which is 9160 per month 2490: 1318949 total, which is 10992 per month 2500: 1582739 total, which is 13190 per month 2510: 1899287 total, which is 15828 per month 

The first quota, to be met in late 2210, is 8000, then each time you meet it, it goes up by 20%. Al your CGs are converted to a reward, either ECs, Unity, Research or Influence as per the Wiki. If you have more CGs than the quota they're all converted, but you get no special reward, just, like, 7% more if you exceeded the quota by 7%, so it's linear, i.e. there's no reason to try to exceed it except by a safety margin.
The fail number is for if you should fail your first quota. Then you get a new quota that's the reciprocal of 1.2 smaller of the quota you failed, so first cycle it'll be 6666, but you get to keep 1000 of your CGs, so the actual quota is 5666. You want to avoid failing, because of the penalty to Influence and Unity production that only goes away once you meet a quota.
I'm also starting to think that you want to produce in the normal mode, not the "overdrive" mode or whatever it's called that cost 1 Inf per month.
Obviously the years are based on the assumption that you meet all quotas. If you get out of step, don't rely on the year, rely on the quota number to find out how many you need per month.

So for the sake of this post I would like to remain anonymous but there’s a lot to this situation but I am posting to hopefully get unbiased feedback so I 21f and my fiancé also 21m got together a little under three years ago and when we got together life was amazing he was the perfect guy I followed the three month rule and we had a tough situation unfortunately before we had gotten together his mom was ill and needed a caregiver I didn’t want to be involved (bc healthcare you never treat family) so I tried my best to avoid it but in the end they needed a caregiver and I am a stay at home mom so when they had no other option I moved in with them and took ok that role of his moms caregiver and took on some household chores because his father wouldn’t clean up after dinner and to take care of her I had to clean up the kitchen to make her meals. Everything went ok it was a pretty toxic environment his dad was narcissistic and controlling and wanted us to clean up his house along w the camper we stayed in living there and maintain the whole property or pay 800$ in extra rent on top of the 450 we paid already (keep in mind to take care of his mom and do housekeeping I only got paid 200$ a month to take care of her full time so he could work full time so at least 40-45 hour weeks) so this starts affecting my daughter negatively she was scared to be in the house bc of how his dad treated us so we left and it blew up we cut contact with his dad after some more petty drama after his mom passed a few months after she passed we found out we were having a baby and I have hg which is all the time morning sickness I couldn’t drink water without getting sick in and out of the hospital just for iv fluids and I couldn’t keep up with the house work and it ended up being I couldn’t depend on him at all to take care of my kid or the house bc he worked a 40 hour week so we keep dealing with this problem and he is a good guy he doesn’t cheat or hit me we’re financially ok but it’s gotten worse since time has gone on I had the baby and he slept untill I was 8cm dialted no epidural I tried waking him up for support and he picked a fight with me I stayed awake the first three days i had the baby total of 6 hours of sleep the first 72 hours of the babies life meanwhile he got plenty of sleep I’m so tired and I have so much cleaning to do bc of him not keeping up even neglecting animals I just there hasn’t been a spark and it got rly dark for me and someone from my past came back in and made me feel heard emotionally and I haven’t had that in forever in this relationship I’m in now and I cheated in a weak moment I know I’m shitty for it and nothing will make it right but i couldn’t say no when it felt so good to finally be desired by someone and so now to save my relationship the person my close friend who did get me through a lot I have to ghost and he revealed he loves me and will wait for me . I know I’ve been all over the place this is sooooo detailed I barely cover all the hurt and disappointment i go through but being ignored in labor and while I’m crying bc he needs sleep he’ll fall asleep all the time without even realizing it and fight me and be angry and take it out on the kids when he wakes up in the middle of of sleeping I just feel like he’s turning into his dad and how toxic he was I just I’m so lost here and need help to be honest hopefully someone will listen to my nonsense I’ll update or give me context if asked thanks if you got this far

General vent/ thought post
First I just want to say thanks to everyone to helps me and gives me that little bit of euphoria I need to reassure myself. Every comment I get just using my new name makes me so happy. As I’ve thought longer and longer I feel more sure but I have a feeling worries I still get stuck on. I worry more that im just a femboy that can’t differ feeling from being. And I worry that I will never pass or look the way I want. I can’t take hrt right now and won’t be able to for a while. I’m also worried that I’m just young and confusing one thing for another. I do experience genuine joy and feel so much better when someone calls me a girl or Sophie. Even when some random person on Roblox calls me a girl because of my avatar. I do genuinely worry that this is a phase, and also experience such a disconnect from my current body that it feels like I’m just piloting someone else. It feels weird having to use he/him for myself with friends and in public and my voice really messes with me sometimes. I also realized that I never really feel male ever. When I’m doubting or just going through my day to day life I feel like im just a person. I used to never really think about gender, I just did what I had to because I was born this way so I had to. Every day my choice on the simple button question gets more sure, and when I put thought into it I just wish I could really press that button. Now I don’t know if I will always feel that way, and I still worry that it’s just a passing fantasy that will pass by and I’ll just be a man the rest of my life. Thinking about that scares me. I just hate the way I am. I also worry that it’s not gender dysphoria, and just body dysphoria. I know a lot of this is jumbled and contradictory but that’s how I feel right now lol. I love all of you and hope you all have a wonderful day!

My most recent psychosis occurred due to a number of underlying reasons that I was dealing with over a 6-8 week period and was mostly delusional.
The lead up to it - I had just finished the largest engineering project that I had been working on for two years,. My wife and I were having a very difficult and stressful time, with disagreements all the time.
My body was yelling and screaming for help and I could feel it from deep down inside me. I went to see doctors and psychologists but it didn't do it for me.. A childhood friend then passed away and that tipped me over.. All of a sudden I was placing myself in my friends place and I had all these questions that I had for myself.
I took a few days off work in the hope that it would get better, however, as I returned I just felt exhausted and overcooked. That's when I started to lose it... Note that I wasn't doing any hard drugs at the time, nor was I drinking, but in that upleading week, I was having the occasional nitrous oxide (N20) cannisters.
I went to get my tarot cards read upon returning to work (first time). The lady who conducted the card reading told me to choose the cards when "I feel the energy above the deck".. I actually felt the cards drawing my hand closer to them. I received the following cards, all of which seemed were of major importance to me: (1) Stand your Ground, (2) Hope, (3) Foundation & Achievements, (4) Base Chakra, (5) The Waiting Game, (6) Third Eye Chakra, (7) Love Begins, (8) Spiritual Union, (9) Intuition, (10) Conquer & Defeat.
..That night I went for a walk, I saw a shooting star - it was the first time that I had seen one and was so beautiful. I rushed into tell my wife about the tarot cards and the shooting star.. we both broke down in tears. Later on that evening I would tune into Youtube, and learn more about finance, investing, life, philosophy and music - all of which were major interests in my life.
The next morning I woke up and got ready to go to work. I couldn't help myself but start crying when all of my songs came on. Notorious BIG - Juicy: "Born sinner, the opposite of a winner, remember when I used to eat sardines for dinner".. I had sardines for dinner growing up too, and I could literally taste my mothers sardine dish in my mouth while the song was playing... As I raced onto the highway, it felt as though I was so connected to everything. I rolled the windows down and felt the air around me...The number plates around me "8SAMA" - which I had a feeling that there was going to be a terrorist attack occurring in the not too distant future. "FX Silver" - I was speculating with precious metals back at that time and thought it was a sign that due to the terror attack, silver was going to increase in price. "IDK IDK" - I was listening to the song I don't know by Tion Wayne, Stormzy, etc. the night before my psychosis.. Everything around me was providing me with signs and nothing was a coincidence. It felt like I was enlightened or something?
I called my brother in the morning who lived abroad, he said that he was being overworked and stressed out. He wanted to head to New York for new years eve and I immediately told him not to go as something bad was going to happen. When I went back into the office, I felt as though there would be some kind of market correction before the terror event occured, so I tried to sell all of my crypto, the only problem was, when I entered all of my key seed phrases, one of them somehow disappeared and I could no longer access my crypto wallet. That was when everything cracked further.. I thought the government was onto me as I had put all the pieces of the puzzle together and started to warn people around me.
I grabbed my manager from the office and told him I needed to speak to them. I wanted to come clean with everything that had happened. During this time I felt at peace and in this blissful place. I was seeing visual signs of things from my past which were interacting with my present moment .. it felt like everything around me was staged. I came clean to the manager and told them that I had been struggling at work, and using drugs and alcohol to cope, I said that it also put so much strain on my relationship and my wife was going to leave me. At this time it felt like the police had wire tapped my manager and everything I was saying was going on record. I was trying to outsmart him with every question that they had for me and it was like I was playing 4d chess in my head. We spent close to 2.5 hours talking about my situation -at every stage I was waiting for when the popo were going to pop out and arrest me.
My wife had been contacted and came to pick me up. She took me back home, but while I went home I thought that our house had been bugged and wired. To me our neighbours were acting odd, and so many things were working in my head, I just didn't know how to relax and calm down. The next day I was taken to my parents place, and I initially started by doing a little bit of exercise, I still felt as though the police were after me and I had something to prove to the world. I then had a panic attack, where I legitimately felt as though I couldn't breathe, my wife and family rushed me to the emergency department at the hospital, and I was met with a psychiatrist who put me on a large dose of antipsychotic medication. Don't know where I'd be without my wife to support me through everything.
I then came back and rested. Slowly but surely I started to realise that I had just experienced a psychotic episode that lasted for several days. Following this event, I had a major depressive episode, which took months for me to recover, and approximately one year later I am in a better place mentally, but I am still not 100 %.
It turns out I have a family history of this sort of bullshit that nobody told me about, and being exposed to drugs and alcohol would only increase the risk of any symptoms. I've been off all the drugs and attempting to stop alcohol, and live a more holistic, natural life. Let's see what happens. For anyone dealing newly dealing with it or in the process of recovering, it gets better. Keep your head up.
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