Bath haverling school disctrict

I (31f) and my fiance (32m) have 2 kids (2f, 8 months f). I work 7:30 to 5:30 3 days a week, he works 7-4 5 days a week. We pay his dad to watch the girls while I work part time and try to get through school.
Here's the issue: I work in a different state, usually takes 30-40 minutes for me to get home with traffic. I get home, say hi to the girls, start dinner, wash all the baby's bottles while it's cooking, do bath time, then we trade off on putting the baby to bed, then an hour later I put the toddler to bed. Almost every time he puts the baby to bed, he falls asleep with her in his arms, bottle somewhere in the chair. The worst part is that it is unsafe, so I usually have to check in and lay her down. What also sucks is that he will just keep sleeping. I gotta do the rest of the night alone, until he wakes up around 9 or 10 and plays video games until he passes out again. Usually he doesn't wake up until our toddler is already in bed unless I wake him up, which usually turns into a fight. He works more days than me, and his job is more physical. I get that he is tired. But we have 2 kids, and it's not like I don't get tired. But we have responsibilities, and being left to do the rest of the night alone has caused a lot of resentment. Sometimes he falls asleep when he is supposed to be watching our toddler on the nights I put our baby to bed.
I get so angry. I know for a fact I need to be nicer about it, I have said things I regret. It isn't right for me to hurt him. I know he feels disrespected. I wish he understood that I feel disrespected when I have to do things alone so he can sleep. But maybe I should just let him sleep. AITA?

I'm thankful to this sub. Because of the advice here, I am a better dog owner. I own a Pomeranian and pretty much always have had that breed, aside from a few mutts (real ones) and the family golden retriever.
My son was once attacked by a family member's pit (escaped the kennel), went to the hospital and everything, but that's a different story....
Anyway, because of what I've read, I always make sure my Pom is secured before we ever open the doors. This usually entails someone holding him as we enteexit, sometimes checking gates (they're typically undisturbed)
New renters 5 houses down moved in with a pit. They walk it multiple times a day, definitely down our street. They cross the street when joggers and other passersby use the sidewalk. That's nice of them I guess, if not the bare minimum.
Today I was leaving to take 7yr daughter to school and I see the pit is being walked so I make sure husband has the Pom. All good there.
We proceed to the car and my daughter is giggling and excited, and the pit, across the street and no longer directly in front of us, stops dead in it's tracks. It is just hard staring, it's eyes are locked on my daughter, no wagging tail or anything. The owner allows it, he just stands there. Pit is on 2 leashes. I rush my daughter into the car and let her know that dog was not cool and explained some of the signs of unsafe dogs on the way to her school. We should have been talking about her upcoming Pajama Day.
We have a group of (5) 6-8 year olds that play between three houses. I'm good with all the neighbors with the exception of the pit owners. It makes me want to scream.
It's so frustrating. I now have the kids over in my backyard as much as I can, but they love to go between our houses, getting snacks from us all. Such a bummer that I worked so hard to be in this neighborhood and it's instantaneously kind of ruined. I sit outside after work and watch the kids, I'm just tired.
Thanks again for the solid advice and also giving me a place to vent.
*Sorry if rushed at the end, bath time for kids and homework.

I feel like I'm barely living my life, I feel so lost. Sorry to cut into it now, although it was a long time ago, my Mom died when I was 10 and my Dad when I was 13. My sister adopted me when I was 13, and she was a big part of my life when I was in elementary school, but once I was placed into her care when I was 12 she only saw me as a paycheck. She is a really abusive and manipulative person, so I don't have any support from a family. I just don't know structure in my life at all.
Yes I have a job, and I go to college full-time, I live on my own, but there are a lot of things I still don't know how to do and I'm an adult. My Mom has almost been gone for 10 years and I'm just not sure on how to do things I feel like I should've learned by now. I know how to do the basics like laundry and bathing, but the other things I'm not sure.
These things include knowing how to shop for clothes (I have severe sensory issues), knowing what to eat (what is balanced?), to simple cooking, to advocating for myself. I just have no clue if I have basic life skills. I feel like my whole life I wasn't set up for success. I had to grow up so fast but I still don't know what I am doing.
I quite literally grew up eating McDonald's (or some variation of fast food, tv dinner, or canned dinner). I never really shopped as a kid, a lot of my clothes were bought for me sizes too big so I would "grow into them", and then worn until the teacher's said something about my clothes not fitting or having holes.
Sorry for this. I'm kind of just venting, if anyone has any advice I would appreciate it. I still feel so lost, and it is much harder right now because of the grief I'm feeling right now. I feel like every day I'm reminded I'm an orphan.

I was cooking earlier with shallots in school and afterwards I could smell it on me, it really bugged me as I have sensory issues and the smell was a lot, over 3 hours later at the start of my last class I was my eyes were tearing because of how distressing the smell was at the point, but no one else could smell it, the sna(special needs assistant) in my class got me to go wash my hands and she had some perfume and sprayed it on my wrists, and I calmed down.
When I got home I brushed my teeth and I took an incredibly thorough showebath, I spent over an hour and use a total of 6 diffrent soaps including baby shampoo and soap wich both smell amazing and leave my hair and skin smelling nice. I put on clear under garments including a vest I only brought today, my top was also brand new and unworn.
So logically I don't smell like shallots but I keep randomly smelling it or atleast think I am, the weird thing about it is I don't notice the active smelling of it just my brain thinking about how I smelled it? I'm so unsure if I'm actually smelling it because I really shouldn't smell like it and I'm wondering if my ocd is tricking me or something.
I want to go show again even tho its after 1 am, but it's my ocd acting up then I don't wanna give into it because then this might become a repeating thing and I obviously don't want that. Ah I'm so confused!

(30m. been suffering with my internal hemorrhoids prolapsing every time i take a sh*t since high school. i’ve never experienced pain from them until this last flare up. i went to a colorectal surgeon and instantly agreed for the procedure to be done. i’m 9 days post op)
i attached my procedure to show what was actually done to me. i was nervous about the pain, but the healing process has been almost seamless! every time i use the bathroom the amount of pressure feels like i’m going to tear something open, but after it passes i’m fine. i hated the feeling like i constantly had to sh*t, but once you go for the first time you can tell the difference from the pressure of the wound and the pressure of actually having to go.
i was prescribed Oxycodone and used it scarcely and only as needed. i don’t have a tub so i was able to use my best friend and ex’s tub to soak. i do NOT recommend the “sitz bath”. that’s horrible and just feels like you’re making a new hemorrhoid. if you don’t have a tub, i did also buy a long and shallow storage bin from target and just sat in that.
hope this helps relieve some people’s fears of getting the surgery. i did all my research and googling and filled myself with fear. obviously it’s surgery, so there will be pain. just keep your head up and research your surgeon!!

Time after time my mom (38) has chosen men over her 4 children, she literally chose to lose our 4 bed 2 bath apartment just so she can live with her pos bf (52) whose she hasn't even known for 6 months. She left me alone at the apartment to stay with him 5 day out of the week after just 2 weeks of knowing him, after maybe two months she moved in full time and he has been since February. He is a homophobic pos that says shit to my mom when I (Trans 16) wears a skirt. We used to be so close until they met, now she blames me because we don't talk or see each other. Her bfs house is a 2 bed 1 bath house. My sibling go over there on the weekends because my grandmother is closest to their school, so that would be 5 people including 3 kids (6, 10, and 16) on the weekends. My dad died 8 years ago and since then I've been getting $1000 every month, which she is supposed to be used on me, which she hasnt givin me shit, maybe $300 in the last e months, which i have a dog and a rabbit, including my food and hygiene. When I ask for anything all she tells me is to get a job, which i would but I have mental health issues in 2022 and the fucked up my learning (I do online) so I've been trying to get caught up, and she bitches at me when I don't have schoolwork caught up, then tell me to get a job for fucking necessities. We wen out for mothers day dinner last night and she dead ass looks at my sister and expected her to pay for my meal. And by the end of the month they will be their full time, and by the beginning of next month I and my sister, my sisters bf and their baby will be evicted from the apartment. (My sister, her so and baby have been living in the apartment until they can get a house, which they will have by the end of next month, so she has been taking care of me. Like she always has(they have a place to stay until they)). So I'm forced to move in with my mom until further notice, I will fucking be so depressed and angry their. I fucking hate being 16, I fucking hate my mom, she is an irresponsible selfish parent who only cares about her happiness. Fuck you mom.

Hello, I am looking for someone who would be interested in taking over my lease for the 2024-2025 school year, starting as soon as June 1st 2024. I had a change of plans late in the semester and decided to go live with a friend, meaning I will need to find someone who is willing to take over the lease I already signed. It is a private lockable bedroom with an attached private bath, part of a 4-bedroom building. The room is very nice, with a bed, dresser, desk and chair already included- meaning you won’t need to bring your own furniture. The windows also let in a lot of natural light, with the option to close the blinds if wanted. There is a tub/shower combo in the bathroom along with a sink and toilet. Finally, there is a large double door closet which is great for storing extra boxes or hanging up clothes. The room was also thoroughly cleaned out before I left, meaning all you would need to do when you arrive is some light dusting.
The location is also great, with the pool, volleyball net, and basketball court located right off the back patio. That also means the offices are just across the block, making it easy to pick up packages mailed to the secure system and visit the workout room or tanning salon. The biggest plus of the room imo is the bus stop just across the street, meaning you can roll out of bed and be taken straight to campus Monday through Friday from 7am to 8pm. (I’m really going to miss this). The washer and dryer are just across the hall, and there is also a spacious kitchen just downstairs. Parking is right outside the front door, with a parking and bus pass included as part of the rent.
The total cost is $998.95 a month only subtracting electricity. There are 3 other housemates, but they are awesome and very quiet. If you would be interested in more information or applying, please private message me and we can continue from there. Thanks.

I have difficulty with routine/time management at home. I am home from work around 4pm M-F. My husband handles the kids, school drop off/pick-up, most of the cleaning and cooking. I have a toddler and kindergartner.
I always struggle with when to do my kid’s homework and piano practice. My daughter is ONLY in Kindergarten but I can’t get consistent with her tasks. she has to read a tiny bit nightly, learn a new sentence-poem by memory every week, and study some sight words every week. We aim to do piano practice for 10-15m each day. However, we usually end up practicing piano 1-2x a week so her progress is super slow. We do her homework reading also 1-2x a week. It sounds ridiculous but I can’t figure out how to get consistent with this.
Usually by the time I finish work, she’ll be playing outside or be doing some screen time (educational stuff). And I want a little break after work, too. Then the kids want to play/connect, which I think is healthy to do after school so we do that. And then it’s just about dinner time.. after dinner often I want to do some chores/cleaning.. and then I’ll realize we’re out of time to do homework/music or I just feel tired. Keep in mind my husband does most the cooking so I don’t even have to do that.
On top of this, I have a self-paced course I’ve been meaning to get to for professional development but I keep putting it off because I feel like I have no time.
Should I make a schedule? I’ve never been good at sticking to that.. I don’t know ahead of time which exact day we’ll bathe the kids or which exact day I’ll wash my hair.. or which day we’ll end up playing outside for hours eally enjoying ourselves..

Hello, all! I had a shower thought and since my wife recently bought an above ground pool AND swing set for our kiddos this summer, I kind of thought it would be fun to have an end of school party at our house.
My 4yo is in an early development class with 7 other kids who are all over the spectrum. Some of his classmates with more support needs would appreciate a quiet/sensory area away from the louder kids as needed but still want to feel included in the fun.
Would a nearby kiddie pool with bath toys be liked? A small splash pad? I'm open to any suggestions to make everyone feel happy and comfortable.
For reference my wife is autistic and I'm AuADHD. Our kids are both on the spectrum as well. We're both very open to including everyone and supporting their needs, but I've literally never threw a party before. So, yay to new things?

Chapter 3
*fictional * ( 😉)
Generational trauma
Unfortunately, a lot of people know exactly what it’s like to fall victim to the curse of generational trauma - whether it be physical- mental -emotional- or sexual. There are many ways People respond to trauma, more specifically, childhood trauma. Childhood trauma hits differently because it’s embedded and who you are.
For example GG (my maternal grandmother) had 3 bio children living with her and my grandfather- the oldest not being biologically his and the younger two being biologically his children. My mums older brother … M…. Started to sexually abuse her from the time she was 7 until he moved out of the house. There was a significant age gap of about 8 years. I’m unsure if he was the start of the cycle or if he started out as a victim. It’s also important to note that this side of the family can only bond over one particular thing… and that is having a common enemy. It’s a never-ending cycle of who is the whole family mad at? Who is who side. And how many can be recruited to their side.
A lot of toxic families also tend to share a similar dynamic- and unfortunately, a lot of people will likely relate to this as well. You usually have a golden child - the child that absolutely does no wrong. The forgotten child(ren) the kids that weren’t necessarily good or bad, but generally were overall ignored. And the scapegoat- everything is this kids fault. The scapegoat is the root of all of the families issues- and they know it, because they’ve been conditioned to know that everything is always their fault
M was the golden child. K (the second born) was the forgotten- and mum was the scapegoat. When mum Came forward with the sexual abuse allegations. It was pretty easy for M to convince everyone that she was just a liar who is making it up for attention. M
And how did she respond. She’s definitely someone you begin this story wanting to root for, and I always kind of will, root for her. But, the combination of the psychological trauma of the sexual abuse, and the way that GG turned on her completely, called her a liar, tried to convince anyone who would listen she was making it up. she responded becoming overly promiscuous. She was always very content with how things were and never really strive to have better than what she already had. She did not take care of herself- or her home. She went into an abusive marriage with S. They had two sons. At one point, Mum lost custody of the boys- and they were taken in by GG and her husband- during this time, mum went out and got pregnant with me- deciding to work it out with S even though he wasn’t the father.
Our life wasn’t easy. We lived in filth. We were poor. We had no real stability. S and mum stayed together until I was 7- Life up until seven was also not easy- we moved from one state to the desert- I was around 4. S had serious anger issues. CPS was regularly involved. Not only for the bruises on us- but because we went to school clearly dirty. The worst beating I ever got was over a spoon. I remember playin in the bath tub- when S found a spoon in my room. He came into the bathroom and demanded that I get out. He then called over R and brother (both of my older brothers) and made them watch as he repeatedly hit me with a belt - which was made 10 times worse due to the fact that I was still soaking wet. I was naked. Soaking wet - being humiliated to stand in front of my two older brothers that way, and being beaten over a spoon. And if that isn’t scary enough- I was actually the one he went the easiest on. R and brother suffered black eyes and teeth being knocked out. Mum vowed to the CPS worker that this would be the last time and she threatened us if he ever did this again that she would leave. He didn’t do it again.
And to this day anytime I have peanut better off a spoon- I think of that day.
That wasn’t enough for her to leave, which to this day I find incredibly strange. When I was 7S went out of town and when he came back, he had a new penpal, a woman that he met on a greyhound bus that God whispered in his ear and told him that she was the one he was supposed to be with (his words). So that was what broke them up. Not the beatings.- not the toxic behavior- the cheating ON HER.
S went his way mum went hers. Mum was sleeping around and ended up pregnant again - with summer- she met step dad and got married very quickly after meeting - s married his affair partner. The summer before a fair partner moved to the desert to be with S - we would stay in a small town that got really cold at night- we would all sleep out in the living room because there was a furnace to keep us warm- during this S would always make sure to sleep next to me- and he would do and say things to me that I won’t put here.
I started bringing a friend with me so he would leave me alone - it worked. ( he didn’t do anything to friend it just blocked his opportunity to get to me)
The end of the story for s comes a few years later. He picked us up after not seeing us for about 6 months - took us on a ride and told his “I am choosing to be happy with my wife over you guys, I have to chose and I’m choosing my own sanity/ life” and then he dropped us back off at home. The next time I saw him was after I turned 18.
In the meantime - our family dynamic has drastically changed
Mum is married. Summer is the baby. Brother is the golden child. I was forgotten and r was the problem… until… R gets hit by a car. He had injury so bad he was once compared to Christopher Reeves- he wasn’t meant to live, but an experimental surgery actually helped him survive and gain most of his function back (although he did never get the function to his left arm- and eventually had it amputated). When he got into this accident, he became the sick one… and I became the problem.
A lot of the household responsibilities fell on brother and me. Mum and step dad were working - and more than what was fair or right we were left pretty much to our own devices most of the time. Nick stayed golden- and I learned to say exactly how I felt and became very outspoken- so an even bigger problem of a problem child. We moved constantly. We never had nice things. I can remember at around age 11 or 12 I started to become increasingly embarrassed about the way that I would smell when I would go to school- when I lived in filth, I truly mean that- dogs/ dog mess. Cockroaches. The bottoms of our feet were always black from the floor- multiple different family members tried to get us taken away just for the cleanliness of our house- which never worked. at this time I developed OCPD (obsessive compulsive personality disorder) - but unfortunately, it was never diagnosed until I was much older because taking me to a primary doctor and getting the properly medicated was too much work- I was just acting that way because again I’m always the problem. My adult eyes and heart scream for that version of me. I needed consistency and stability and an organized clean environment.- and I was living in the exact opposite and constantly made it to be villainized over my reaction to it. when I would vocalize what was wrong I’d be told “you just think your better than everyone “ I’ll touch more on the mother-daughter dynamic later, but I got out of that house as soon as I could, and lived with whoever would take me in from around the age of 13- and if I had to go back, it was never for long.
Brother - Brother grew up to care a little more. He wanted a nice house that was somewhat clean.- and wanted something more stable for himself as well. He was always a worker- so he got his GED and entered the workforce- he has a decent career- but is chronically Switzerland, he always tries to stay in everyone’s good graces- maybe he’s an undercover people pleaser? Being liked is more important than standing for something ?
Summer - I wish you well always. And like I’ve told you for so long until you get yourself out of this this is going to be a never-ending cycle - and I always wish nothing but the best- but summer was also sexually abused within the family- and unlike me who found it pretty easy to blame the perpetrator and not let it keep me down- summer pretty much with the opposite way. She struggles with drug addiction. As I’m writing, she does not have custody of her son due to a relapse she had over Christmas.- her life very much mirrors mums life. She is making all of the same mistakes and my mum cannot hold her accountable because that would also mean having to hold herself accountable which she is unwilling to do. So now Summer has fallen into a cycle of never being able to accept accountability for anything. And you don’t know much about drug addiction or alcohol addiction one of the biggest parts of recovery is accountability.
R- out of respect for him, who has always been very low contact with us. I’m not going to speak on his life.
I’m going to pause here today.
Chapter 4 will be about this past year and the dynamic shift between myself and everyone listed. I know a lot of this information probably feels very random but I promise you once this is all out. Everything will make sense. It’ll also be heavily focused on my relationship with mum, even though I had plenty of reasons to do so, I really never felt felt like I had “daddy issues”. After what happened to me the thought of a bigger actually kind of grossed me out… it was never really something that I longed for- but anyone who has mommy issues probably having an issue with your mom as far worse.

I, 19F, am moving into my first apartment in July/August which is about 5 hours away from where I currently live. When I move, this will be my first time living on my own and away from my family. I am pretty excited, as anyone else would be, to have my own space since I grew up in a big family, being the eldest of five children. Growing up I've always had a rocky relationship with my family, both on my mother's side as well as my father's side. Ever since a young age, I've noticed that my mother isn't really fond of me, as she claims that me being born made her "stuck" with my father. She's been very vocal about it so it's nothing new. But when I was in third grade, I seen that my mother was really close to my younger sister. She would take her out, go do things with her, and I was left alone to watch my three younger brothers, who at the time were, 4, 3, and 2. During those times my father was working. But it was still the same for my father as well, I noticed that he was really close to my younger brothers, but I was never mad towards my siblings as I knew it wasn't their fault. After some time of realizing the way I was being treated by both parents, I stopped trying to have a relationship with them. I was kind of just there.
Once I made this realization, I distracted myself with school. I joined sports, band, an art club, and student council. School was my main focus but even then, I wasn't able to really do much for myself. Once I got into 2nd grade, this is the way my daily schedule would look like... I'd wake up, wake my sister up for school, feed my brothers, change their diapers, then make my sister and I breakfast then I would lock up the house and go to school. School would end around 3:15 and there was a 15 minute break to get to our after school activities so within that time I'd walk my sister home, make sure my brothers were fed and changed and would walk back to school to do my after school activities. Then I'd walk home and shower and start getting dinner made, after dinner I'd bathe my siblings and put them to bed then do my homework and then go to sleep. It was like this throughout second grade until sixth grade.
My father was rarely home as he worked a lot, he'd work a lot to provide for five kids as well as my mother as she had a hard time keeping any jobs. Throughout my childhood, my mother was struggling with addiction, both alcohol and substance, as for my father he his was alcohol. Bur during my sixth grade year, my mother made the decision to go to rehab in hopes it'll help with her addictions. We were proud of her but it's the way she went about it that threw us off. She kind of just up and left and didn't tell anyone until she was there for a couple months. She had some trouble and ended up relapsing so as of right now, she is almost five years sober. It would be a good thing but it is kind of scary based on how she acts now that she is sober. She will randomly lash out towards us, become very mean and scream at us and like an hour later she's back to normal like nothing happened. We rarely see her as she lives about 5-6 hours away from where we currently stay because she rather stay with her boyfriend and his kids.
Over the past couple years, it has became very toxic to stay with family members, such as my sister as she will randomly lash out as well and start screaming and cussing at anyone around her. My father is a good man, he has sacrificed a lot for us but there are times where we bump heads as I took a gap year this previous year. But mainly it is my aunts and grandma that I told I would be excited to move so I wouldn't be around them anymore. The way my aunts would treat me compared to the way they would treat my siblings and cousins was way different and it sort of made me feel bad. They always excluded me and told me that since I was use to watching young ones, they'd leave their kids with me without even asking and when I was under 18, they told me I didn't have choices as I was "too young to make my own decisions". My grandma was criticize everything I did, for example, if I was reading, it would be "why are you reading that book? you should be doing your siblings laundry", if I was drawing or painting, it would be "you should be getting dinner prepared instead of doing that nonsense" or if I was watching a movie or show she'd say "back in my day we ladies didn't sit around doing nothing, we learned how to sew, cook, clean, etc. so get up and do something". I'd understand if she was saying this to me if I was a lazy person but trust, I am not. I help my dad prepare breakfast for everyone in the morning, when all the young ones leave for school, that really is the only time I have for myself. But I still help my father help with feeding the animals such as our chickens, dogs, cats, and sheep. I do most of the heavy lifting as my father isn't in the best condition and tends to lose his balance and get dizzy and he also isn't allowed to lift heavy things per the doctors request. I help make lunch for whoever is home then after I do what I what I want but I am constantly cleaning as there are a lot of people living in this household. There is my siblings and I, my father, my grandma, my two cousins my aunt left here, my older cousin and also two of my other cousins and aunt who stop by everyday for a couple hours.
Anyways, I hope that was more than enough to get an idea of my family lol. Where I am from, there is a program that will assist with living arrangements and paying for trade school, and helping look for work after graduating school. I never planned on doing this program, as I originally wanted to go to a four-year university for Elementary Education but I had to put that on hold for the time being. The reason for putting it on hold was because of financial problems, the court ordered that since my father has full custody of all of us, my mother and father would go half and half on everything and if we are over the age of 18, they both still had to help assist with anything money-wise if we are still continuing our education. But my mother rarely helped, my father struggled with us five and so I made the decision to not go to school and enter this program and work at the same time to make money to enroll into school after I finish this program.
Recently during Mother's day weekend, the topic came up about me being accepted into the program, how they found out? I'm not sure myself. But everyone started talking about it, such as my mother my aunts and grandma and certain cousins, talking about how they how have a place to stay and can't wait to use my place as a getaway place or how they'd drop off their kids during fall, spring, winter, and summer break. I was caught off guard, still trying to figure out how they even knew I was doing the program and got accepted, and they continued talking about how excited they were, not for me being accepted, but to have a place to stay and how they will just "show up uninvited" as it wouldn't matter if I allowed them to or not because once again, I am "too young to make those type of decisions". I started to feel bad, a bit sad as well but as I sat there listening to them go on and on, I just became angry and upset. With the way they treated me the past 7 years, constantly talking down on me, bullying me, harassing me, I was just done with it. They eventually stopped talking, looking at me and waiting for a response, and I just looked at them and started laughing. It was strange even for me, as I always just stay quiet and agree with them. I told them that I'd never let any one of them stay with me especially uninvited, and I would not be allowing them to just drop off their kids without asking and if they did, I call the cops or CPS. I then told them that I wasn't going to allow people who disrespected me and treated me horribly to step foot inside my place as it is suppose to be my safe space and will not let it be filled with negativity. I said that the only people allowed there would be my siblings, my father and my one younger cousin who I consider my littler sister. I told them that none of them would be allowed to know where I live. Finally I said that one of the main reason I'm moving away is to get away from them because they are mentally and physically draining. Then I told my mother that she wouldn't know where I would live at because I didn't want her running to my place every time her and her boyfriend would break up. I told her that I didn't trust her because of the way she would randomly lash out so I rather her not know where I lived. After I was done talking, they all started yelling and screaming, even crying about how it wasn't fair because they "did so much for me" and whatever but that's when I said that all they did for me was give me depression and severe anxiety. My father didn't say anything, he just sat there smiling and gave me a nod of approval. My siblings, especially my sister started defending me and that's when I decided to leave. I told two friends about what happened as they pretty much knew my whole life and they were proud of me for finally saying something but then I have extended family messaging and calling me, making post about me about how wrong I was and that I'm selfish and since I don't have kids I should just take my cousins with me since their parents are stressed.
I know I shouldn't feel this way but I feel like I should have stayed quiet and maybe just should have allowed them to go with me, even on breaks. What scares me is that I haven't moved yet to begin with so I'm nervous about what will happen when I actually do.
I'm sorry for how lengthy this post is, I just haven't really told anyone and used it as my place to vent and I apologize if this post is all over the place and confusing, I just needed to get it off my chest. But AITAH for telling my family how I felt and that I am excited to move to getaway from them?

Been with his dad 4 years. Theyve lived in my house 3 years. At first i tried to have a relationship with ss but he such an overly introvert and barely talks to anyone. Barely has friends. He is 16 now. Stays in his room all day all night. Failing school. No life no friends. Mom is deadbeat who never been in his life. At first i felt bad for him for that and hes been to therapy and everything. Anyways, we have absolutely no relationship and thats fine with me bc at least i tried. He doesnt even have relationship w his dad or any family member. What bugs the shit outta me is hiz room iz always a mess. I tell him to clean it and he puts a couple clothes away but thats it. My pet peeve is eating in the bedrooms. Ive told him several times not to. I keep finding food in his room. His dad is such a permissive parent and there are no consequences for his behavior. Ive seen kids like this and here is how their life usually goes: he will become 18 and cant hold down a job, no girlfriend, no friends, lives in his tiny bedroom with his dad forever. I cant live with this kid forever. I just dont see myself putting up with his shit. Literally his shit, he clogs up my toilets at least twice a week with his massive shits. I cook and he will serve himself all the food and leave nothing for the rest of us. Has no relationship w my 9 yr old daughter, she is not a fan of his either. Walks through the door with no hello not even 1 word. He bathes maybe twice a week. Doesnt get haircuts and doesnt care about his appearance. Very antisocial and very apathetic person. Never spends time with us. Usually its just the 3 of us at any activity. Im just so over it. Its making me resent his dad too. I wish i had an awesome ss who i have a good relationship with and consider my son. I wouldve loved that. I see other people step situation and im jealous. He is more of a nuisance to me than anything else. Tired of his bullshit.

Hey everyone! I am headed to Charlottesville for graduate school and I am curious if there is a spot on campus that has cold plunges. I know over at JMU the Sauna was advertised on the website but the spot where the ice bath’s were was super hidden and I heard about it through word of mouth. Appreciate the responses thank you!

Me M29 and her F29 were together for 13yrs has seem to have lost herself in our relationship. We've had some issues along the way but we have mostly had lovely times together. I'm going to be honest and start from the beginning.
We was teenagers when we got together and close pretty quickly. We moved in together at 18yrs and been together ever since. I had some suspicions she cheated on me when we was 18yrs and i finally found out 4 years later and it was evidence she couldn't deny this time and she admitted it.
It seriously damaged me as I had kind of knew she had done and was lying to me making me out to be going crazy for them years I ended up on depression medication, I couldn't sleep as was having the worst of nightmares nearly every night. I lost certain friends and family because they thought I was going crazy and coming across as controlling when in fact I was just worrying and it turned out I was right to have been.
I never controlled her she lived as freely as she wanted to, I never harassed her but would often question things or where she was. Once I found out I had begged her to leave me and get out of my home. She refused to leave she had no where to go and was begging me to not break up.
Some days passed and I didn't forgive her but I gave it another chance not realizing the damage it had caused me and how it would affect my life in the future. I am the more of the initiator in the relationship she is very laid back and takes the back seat in romance, choices and decisions. At this time I gave her another chance out of pure love which some may say I'm stupid but I seriously love this girl with all my heart, life seems unbearable without her.
Once I have her another chance I started to realize the damage it caused me when I couldn't socialize properly, lost my job and struggled to gain the confidence to find another. I avoided family gatherings funerals, outings, and I soon found myself in a hole because I couldn't trust her enough to go out on my own without her but loved her to much to get her removed from my home. She went out to her family gatherings and I never once stopped her doing anything on her own. I had her family and my family and our friends blame me for this as none of them knew anything and thought I was uncaring towards them, controlling and all the rest of it. As I chose to protect her image over mine by hiding the truth of what happened to me.
So over the coming years things got worse for me. I went to the doctors and got put on 3 different types of medication over the years as well as counseling. As I thought I was going crazy but deep down I knew she was lying. The 4 years of lying to my face and watching me deteriorate as a person from her lies, losing our family members and friends respect my sleepless nights and bad dreams, looking me dead in the eye and swearing on anything she could that she was telling the truth damaged me more than the cheating did itself.
I felt like I weren't a good enough man for her or for anyone. Why would she cheat on me I asked myself a lot. She never admitted why to me just said she don't know why. I tried killing myself I didn't want to live I couldn't sleep I lost loads of weight self respect my career and my ambitions everything.
She didn't even try to show she was sorry or try to take control and make me feel special in any way. Even after what she did she never changed a thing. My problems and pain intensifies over the years and I started to lose self respect and my limits and some arguments became toxic to the point we was shouting at each other calling names etc. And because of this I became a very depressed man. And to deal with this over the years I smoked a lot of cannabis and hideaway at home.
During our whole relationship even through the pain and lies I was romantic, affectionate and caring and very thoughtful. Treat her like a princess everyday, gave her the best to everything I ever could from the small things to the big things made sure she came before me.
After a few years of battling my demons and pain and depression things slowly started to get better and I was able to sleep, eat and socialize again not perfect but was getting a lot better. And out of nowhere she became pregnant with our first child. Very unexpected as we used contraception but It changed our lives and we both quit smoking cold turkied on the spot turned out lives around. And I got another job and leanrt to fully trust my partner again and felt like I had meaning to live again once more and things became near enough perfect the day we found out.
Life felt great everything felt normal I stopped worrying completely. Quit smoking and was sleeping and generally felt a lot better in myself and felt like finally forgave her. We ended up with another child and then another one and we ended up with 3 Children. Which our youngest is now a toddler And believe it or not all three of our children were conceived on 3 different types of contraception.
Over a year ago I started running my own business, learned to drive while she was a stay at home mum. I'd leave for work at 06:45 in the morning I came home from work every day at 14:00. The minute I got in I'd take care of the kids, playing with them, collect from school, cooking, cleaning, bathing, nappy changing, absolutely everything 50/50 until they go to bed then I'd help tidy up and wouldn't sit down to myself until around 21:00
I always said to her I wouldn't be able to provide for you all if you didn't spend all day looking after our children while I worked. We shared the money not one thing wasn't both of ours.
A lot of things weren't getting done around the home while I was out working and It didn't bother me most of the time and I don't expect nothing to be done for me and also don't ask for anything to be done for me. But sometimes I'd mention things. She would react badly to this and I'd soon feel bad for saying anything. For example one of our children was sick on the bedroom floor And it hadn't been cleaned up in 2 days. Rooms wouldn't get cleaned for weeks on end until I cleaned them. Clothes built up to a mountain on our bedroom floor until I had enough and done them myself while she would be sat there watching TV in the evening.
We started to argue because of these issues and iv felt like I'm too scared to mention absolutely anything that bothers me or she would just turn and push me to the point I swore or called her a name and that is what it would all then be about and then my original issue wouldnt get spoke about after that point.
And then out of the blue she recently broke up with me at 6 in the morning, claiming we argue too much and she has had enough. Which I think we hardly argued few times a year maybe. And it was never in front of the kids and was only verbal and nasty stuff would get said.
So I spent over a week trying to get her to not break up with me until she said things will be okay let's move home and start a fresh, so I sold my business and prepared to move our family for a fresh start.
Over the next week she has since gone back on her word and gone back and forth saying she never getting back with me to we will sort things. It's been a month now she sleeps downstairs hasn't kissed me since the break up. Iv been in a right state because of this iv felt my heart has been turned inside out multiple times one minute I think it's okay to the next my heart's in my stomach thinking my life's ended.
I'm unsure what to do about it as this family is absolutely everything to me and my boys future really matters to me as I broke up in a split family and hated it. Should I leave her with the children or should I try kick her out or do I do what I want to do and is to keep begging her to sort this out. I'm slowly deteriorating and going mentally numb. I'm losing myself and I don't feel like I'm connected to life anymore and worried I'm going to
Was I wrong for staying with her? Was I right for putting it all behind me for our babies sake when she was pregnant? Was I wrong for mentioning the issues I had with the home? Was I right for selling my business. Am I wrong for wanting to stay and beg for this family to work out of love? I just don't know anymore.

So im a 20 yrss old female and have a sister who is 23 . So my sister lets name her Jane she has ,let’s say she likes white men , in our family that’s what most of us believe , marry a white man happy life. So my sister is dating this man who is 36 years old right now from Australia lets name him John . Personally I don’t think the age gap is good between them . Since my mom and dad have a 20 something age gap and there marriage is not good apart from that ta my dad had 2 wives prior my mom and there marriage is not good.Anyways John and Jane met on a dating site and they started talking,after two weeks this man started telling my sister that he wants to come and marry her and how he will do everything for her when November arrives . Obviously I was against it because I thought it was too soon and I voiced my worries to her , but when I did she stopped updating me about her relationship with her man since I’m jealous of her. My cousin : Vivi is the one who is always told about John. John has another wife who he tells my sister they have divorced and he has two teenagers one aged 13 and another 17 who live in Italy with their mom. John works as a traffic patrol I think so . My English isn’t perfect so bear with me.Moreover I was told John had gotten into an accident and lost his upper teeth and lower teeth except one tooth on each sides . Anyways after John told my sister about the marriage my sister started doing everything to please him I mean everything.John started asking for my sister’s ndes every day and I mean every day and also videos of her bathing n*ked , my sister works as a teacher at my mothers school and even if she is at work John would call her and demand her to you know send him videos and if not he would threaten her with not coming over to marry her because apparently John had already talked to my parents about it and to Jane she thinks that it will not be good . Anyways it continued like that till last week when I had to tell Jane that she should stop talking to him he is not a good man John doesn’t respect my sister . Personally I thinking relationship there should be respect between couple , also John is so controlling, obviously they met through dating app then one day John told Jane to delete the dating app cause he had seen her over there but my question is , what was he doing over there? John had once asked my sister to sleep with another man so that she can prepare for when he “comes “ to the country. God. It’s so absurd , when I told my sister obviously she just nodded and didn’t take my word for it. When I tried talking to my mom at first she agreed with me but Today John had sent Jane20 dollars , 20 and that made All of them stick together and think it’s a good idea , I told my boyfriend about all this and he told me about how wrong it was . I dont know , my moms reason for all of this is that as long as my sister gets to go to Australia it will be fine she can leave the man , but I don’t think it’s that easy. So am I the AIT for not liking my sisters boyfriend?

Oh mother
This may or may not be an "all hands on deck" kinda post, we'll maybe for me it is.
Buckle up reddit friends, I'm going to take you on a brief emotional journey (for me at least)
The facts: Born to an alholic pill addicted father from a wealthy family (the kind of family that cause real trouble if they wanted). My mother from a modest, liberal and pretty rigid family. She has her own traumas. I won't deny that.
My biological father tried to to kill me 2x and on one seriate occasion my mother too. During one of his post rehab binge stints.
My mother had the guts to leave after 2 years. This left her, undoubtedly traumatized with special kind of PTSD (along with her upbringing)
I, became the "parent" from as young as I can remember I had to always ensure my mother was happy, safe and "ok". She met my stepfather (let's call him E for brevity) when I was still a toddler. He had 2 kids of his own. A boy and a girl (will refer to them as that from here on out). Girl was his bosulte favourite. She literally could do no wrong in his eyes. I remember as early as 6 years old knowing I wasn't as loved. A special kind of ache because 'no dad really loved me'. Boy was so loved because he was the eldest and well a boy (and as the years passed, the heir of this his father's throne)
It's hard not to take too many side roads on this story but, for tonight I will keep it as "Mother".
Mother worked hard in an intensive and thankless industry. Naturally she was tired and emotionally spent every day and didn't want to talk to me, help me with homework (I was a straight A+ kid btw, lest I disappoint mother). When I tried to talk to her she would give me the silent treatment and make no effort to hide the disdain she had for having to care for another human being. When I was in the 3rd grade, I was involved in an attribution (the victim of bullies because of my terrible haircut and being overweight). I was devastating. I never cried infront of any one. Ever. But that day I broke down. [I don't remember what was said because the events that followed devastated me a million times more]
My mother, who worked at the same school as me, had heard what had happened and chosen to give me the silent treatment all the way home (my teacher had explained what had happened - how embarrassing for my mother). We got home and I made myself lunch as usual, offered to make her a sandwich too. She sneered and walked away into her bedroom. Shutting the door.
I knew what this meant but, for some reason all this emotion wanted to flow out of me and never stop. I knocked on the door. "What?!" ... "Ma, I'm still very sad about today". My mother visibly annoyed by the fact that I belonged to her and had u comfortable and inconvenient emotions responded with a tight "we all have problems". In shock I started crying and in all the emotional awareness I possessed as an 8y/o I yelled "why don't you love me, why don't you like me?!".
The retaliation was brutal. She threw her work down and screamed at me as if it would be followed by a hiding. "You are too much. You take up too much space. You make me tired".
And that folks I've kept in my little heart all these years. Fir any one with a psych or similar background I don't need to list my laundry list of "issues" here.
Now, fast foward almost 30 years later, E has passed and and Boy and Girl and mother are sitting pretty.
I moved in with Mother to help her out and support her ... be a good daughter, you know?
And in no less that 3 months she has managed to give me the silent treatment x2 for over 48 hours. She vasilcilates between being a needy vulnerable child to this unforgiving, icy women who refused to take any accountability without crying out that I always victimize her.
I wanted to add context here: When E got sick it was me who moved in to take care of him. To change his diapers, hand feed him and bathe him. I am the "child" who gave up their life to support for and care for (every one else). Boy do I feel stupid.
This won't be my last post but, after everything that's happened with E's death, the boy and Girl and mother I'm just a little raw.

I don’t mean this in a rude way, but from my experience it’s the hard truth.
My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years. He was never really super active husband/dad but when we first got married/had a baby I didn’t work so I was happy to take on the household chores. Then I got a job, my household chores/parental duties didn’t change. I just had more on my plate. We had another baby and I went back to school to finish my degree, again didn’t get extra help I just had more on my plate. He wasn’t great to me, but he worked paid bills and he was there at least. I thought I couldn’t possibly be a single mom. The more I asked for help the more we argued… then I just stopped asking and started doing everything on my own. All the cooking, cleaning, paying half the bills but making sure all the bills were actually paid, taking kids to school, sports, scheduling/taking them doctodentist visits, buying gifts for his whole family on special occasions, laundry, playing with the kids, bathing them, putting them to bed.. all. alone. (While both working and going to school full time)
Well now my husband is gone, I asked him to leave and he’s staying with a friend and he claims to be so sad about it. He asked me if the kids miss him and says he prays that I miss him so he can come back. But honestly, I don’t miss him because even when he was home her was never actually “here” anyway. The kids barely notice he’s gone, I’m sure they will eventually, but for right now nothing has really changed in any of our lives except his.
He taught me how to do it all alone while he stood there and watched. Had I been used to having help I probably would’ve called him home by now, but it just doesn’t feel different when he’s gone. Except now, I don’t have to beg someone for help or walk around upset because he’s in the garage, drinking beer and watching tv while I’m in the house doing both of our jobs.
If you love your spouse, just be there for them. Take on the responsibilities you know you should. Care about their feelings more than yours. And if you really can’t do that then just let them go.

We own in Kelowna. Wife got cancer that can only be treated in Van and it takes 1-3 years. Currently in Cancer Society housing until July 1. We can stay there longer, but they don't allow kids so our child is in kelowna with family until end of school year.
I thought our budget was OK and our requirements pretty basic. We can handle up to $4k/mo and need min 2 beds, 1.5 baths. We have 2 cats. Needs to be within 25 min drive of VGH (with traffic), but within 10-15 would be preferable. Preferably within similar distance to Kitsalano Secondary.
At initial searching, I wasn't too worried about it. I saw plenty of listings on Marketplace and Padmapper that fit the bill. But I started contacting them, and... ghosted. 100% ghosted. Of the 15+ enquiries I made, I got only one response to say it was gone.
Honestly I have so much going on right now I don't have the time or energy to focus solely on this task. Is there a better way I don't know about? Craigslist seems like a crapshoot. I found one professional "locator" service, but with a copyright date of 2019 and only 1 listing, I don't have confidence.

First Prev
Star Crossed [Multiple Free Sample Chapters] Patreon Subreddit Discord Paperback NOP2 Species Lore
Memory Transcription Subject: Elias Meier, Former UN Secretary-General
Date [standardized human time]: July 13, 2160
The irritability coursing through my psyche was palpable. Every sound was dialed up to eleven, stabbing at the core of my sensory processing. Constant awareness grated on me after days without sleep, never having any break from the stream of information I needed to digest. There was no way to shut the world off and reset, and no reprieve from the unsettling reality of my physical experience. I was curled up in a ball on the floor, rocking back and forth; I wasn’t sure how much longer I could go on like this.
Virnt scuttled over to me in the spaceship, jostling my shoulder. “Elias? Would you like to turn back from this mission?”
I remembered how I’d spent most of the trip, standing under the water in the shower. There was a special shampoo they’d provided for synthetic hair, like a wig. I held out my phony hand and emptied most of the bottle’s worth of goop, zoning out; I was trying to soak in the distant sensation of liquid running down my spine. Once upon a time, this had been the most relaxing time of my day—letting muscle tension fade away and cleansing grimy skin oils. Now, I knew neither of those two still existed in my day-to-day life to assuage.
Did it even matter to slap soap on some metal frame? There were no consequences of letting hygiene go by the wayside. I didn’t sweat in order to start to reek, and I couldn’t get skin conditions or be affected by bacteria. It could be that I was bathing out of habit, clinging to my old lifestyle, that I kept going to wash up. Perhaps the shower had become my favorite haunt because I felt disgusting in this body. Everything was a reminder that I was an inhuman scrap pile, and it was wearing on my sanity. It wasn’t like anyone related to what I was going through.
I used to spend so much time fussing over making my suits look crisp and perfect—immaculate ties, UN pins adjusted just right. The heavy jackets would trap my body heat in the summer; now, it no longer had that effect. I could bundle up as much as I wanted in 40 degree Celsius heat, unless there was some limit that would fry my circuits. Shit, I might not need a spacesuit in the vacuum of space—I couldn’t freeze or suffocate, after all. Being left out in the void for all eternity didn’t sound that much different from my present experience.
I hate what I’ve become. I hate what they’ve done to me; all I do is think, and every part of my new self lives in the uncanny valley. There’s nothing positive. Maybe it’s time to call it…death was better than this. I can’t bear another day of this hell.
“Hey, stay with me! Distractibility, depression, being unable to maintain concentration—these are natural consequences of sleep deprivation. I’m surprised it carries over without a physical mechanism to grow tired…but I’m working on a sleep suite, I promise,” Virnt said, glossy eyes staring at me.
I groaned. “I’m not tired, but it’s just nonstop. I…I’m having trouble remembering what I read.”
“Here, I’m going to try a temporary fix. You look like you need it. I don’t want you to suffer; just turning you off and on isn’t the same. I’m going to emulate GABA, uh, shut off your optic sensors, decrease the activity in your prefrontal cortex, and simulate delta waves for an hour. We can see if it somewhat fills the need for deep sleep, okay? Relaxation, no processing: worth a shot, right?”
I nodded mutely, staying in the fetal position. I didn’t have the will to move, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up that Virnt’s plan would be any mercy. The sensation of the Tilfish tinkering with my settings was strange, as if my brain was being overridden in the moment. There was no process of falling asleep to give it the air of naturalness. Suddenly, I was blind, trapped in darkness—and a modicum of drowsiness kicked in, limiting my movement. Thoughts died down, offering much-need relief; I faintly wished I could remain in this state.
When I came to, there was a sudden influx of information as the rest mode was switched off; it was hardly a seamless waking, but I’d take it. Peace in my own head was something I’d never take for granted again. I hadn’t thought myself to be a weak-minded individual, but I hadn’t realized how much it wore on you: feeling out of place in your own body every waking second, and not trusting your senses. Brain function had been restored enough that I could get a grip on myself, and rise in my disheveled state. A peek out the window revealed we’d completed our intra-atmosphere transit to the Duerten embassy.
I rubbed my eyes on reflex, but there were no gifts from the Sandman there. “Why couldn’t you have just added everything to start with, Virnt?”
“The humans I talked to said they wouldn’t want to sleep, unless they had to! I put the most focus on your emotional matrix and your facial expressiveness, since I thought that has the highest importance of what makes you human,” the Tilfish replied.
“You could’ve made it at least optional.”
“I sent the option to your holopad for the future, to trigger this program for as long as you’d like. This is a learning process, so I’m sorry for anything that’s off. All trial and error here, but it’s only going to get better! That’s the positive.”
“There are a lot of patches needed. For starters, you’re missing two of the senses: taste and smell. In spite of that, ever since I walked past the Terra Technologies staff eating tater tots, I’ve been craving them at random intervals. I’m not hungry—I can’t consume food!”
“Predator instincts,” Virnt teased. “The Federation was right.”
“I’m serious! Why on Earth would that be a thing? I literally can’t satisfy it, so it’s almost cruel.”
“It’s psychological, Elias. I looked into it after I saw it in your transcript. When humans are under a lot of stress or otherwise feeling down, you seek dopamine from food. It’s something familiar that activated your memories, and promised emotional comfort. That’s why you have the phrase ‘comfort food.’”
“I can already see how the Federation remnants would spin that. A predator’s so-called emotions are tied to food, and stimulate appetite to fulfill their whims.”
“You seem in better spirits. To add to your improved mood, we announced the success of your memory transplant to the world. The response was overwhelmingly positive—history looked back fondly on you. You got a lot of well-wishes, and I was able to get almost all of your social media re-activated. At least, the platforms that are still active.”
“I’m…allowed to share my honest experiences?”
Virnt eased me out of the shuttle, into the sunlight; cameras were waiting, causing me to stiffen. “Of course you can. I’m not here to muzzle you, my friend. Quite the opposite, in fact: I want your experiment documented as thoroughly as possible! You’re the spokesperson for—”
I shielded my face from the reporters, who were lobbing questions. “What is this? I don’t have a prepared statement. This is an ambush.”
“Terra Technologies has a mission of transparency, and improving sapients’ quality of life through digital means. We had to announce such a monumental breakthrough, but you’re under no obligation to speak with them.”
“Good,” a warm voice chimed in from next to me, making me jump. “The poor guy’s come back from the dead, Virnt. Give him a break. He’s here to speak with the Duerten Forum and their ambassador, for some semblance of his old life.”
I turned my head, beaming as I recognized her. “Erin? Oh, sorry: that’s Secretary-General Kuemper, isn’t it? You’ve moved up in the world. The United Nations is in good hands.”
“It’s good to see you, Elias. I bawled my eyes out at your funeral. You cared so much for peace and taking the high road; there isn’t a person out there who could’ve handled first contact with more grace. You inspired me, and an entire generation of future diplomats.”
I embraced Erin, who’d once been a passionate SETI researcher giving me all of the bad news about aliens. As we flailed about in the dark to save humanity and adjust to the galaxy, finally acquiring a few friends, she’d become my Secretary of Alien Affairs. I’d trusted her to do whatever it took to stabilize our extraterrestrial relations. It was a bit of a relief to see a positive reaction from someone I knew; I wasn’t sure how my friends would take my return, but I hadn’t been expecting a welcome with open arms. It brought me solace and comfort to know about the legacy I’d left behind, and the ripple effects my tenure had on the United Nations.
It is strange to see how much she’s aged. That’ll be the reality of anyone that used to be an acquaintance of mine.
The alarm bells pinging in my head faded into the backdrop, and I forgot that the wind gusting against my face only felt like a dull push. My mind slipped away from food cravings that failed to get my mouth to water, how there was no feeling of tightness from my dress shoes, and the stillness of my non-existent diaphragm. I was simply happy to see someone I cared about and enjoyed working with, in my old life. There was safety in having a person I trusted to be on my side. My brain snapped back into diplomat mode, falling into a familiar flow of conversation. If I had nothing else, I still had my social skills—an ability to navigate various cultures.
“So the Duerten Forum agreed to meet with the two of us. They know about the Sivkit attack, but not the full threat,” I spoke aloud, after breaking away from the rather soul-affirming embrace. “I read the strategy meetings for briefing them, and I’m on-board to appeal to nostalgia; humanity saving their homeworld was after my time, but close enough to it that I could serve as a reminder. A blast from the past.”
Erin nodded, her security forming a wall between us and the cameras as we walked toward the embassy. “I always wondered what you’d think of modern Vienna, Elias. All of the aliens willing to be here on our world, and to treat us like people. Friendship used to seem like a pipe dream; we were happy if they’d allow us to exist, tolerate us to that extent. Look at us now.”
“I almost gave up hoping that they could care about us, or stand beside us at all. We couldn’t do it alone then. It’s time we remember to stand together—to rise to the occasion once more. I can’t bear the thought of anything threatening our home, or our friends. I saw enough needless death twenty-four years ago.”
“That pain is a lot more recent to you. It’s completely okay to be wrestling with grief. A billion of ours died.”
“We didn’t become the monsters they thought we were, and we pulled through. We revealed their hatred and treachery, and have chosen a future set on rectifying every right they trampled. I’ll always mourn what we lost, but I’ve never been more proud of humanity in my life.”
Kuemper patted my shoulder. “You sound like yourself, my dear old friend. It’s very good to have you back; you were much better at smiling while they spit in your face than I ever was. Let’s do what’s necessary to get the ball rolling with the Shield.”
“I’m right behind you.”
The exterior of the Duerten embassy had a distinct construction style, with metal and concrete forming the bulk of the outside structure; on Kalqua, sturdiness was at the foremost of their priorities. Winds on a normal day could ratchet up to what we’d consider a tropical storm, according to my brief review of their culture. The door was evidently heightened to facilitate foot traffic from humans, despite the exit hatches on the upper floor which seemed frequented by the avian staff. Their personnel could literally fly away during an emergent situation. I tailed Kuemper into the lobby, and noted how much of the inside’s floor was concrete as well. It was resilient and easy to clean, a perfect surface to avoid being marred by talons.
Most of the gray avians used perches instead of chairs, with several staffers working on paperwork at their desks; in private areas, some met with any humans who had business with the Duerten Forum. The lack of reaction to a predator’s approach was new to me, but a welcome change. Kuemper confidently led the way to an elevator, which had the English and German words for “Welcome to the Duerten embassy!” written above the opening. The generic Shield logo was painted on both sides of the door, and emblazoned with a representation of Kalqua. There were no buttons inside, apart from an emergency exit; a camera surveyed us, before a watching staffer summoned the car upward. I felt a jolt as we reached the top floor.
“To be visited by two Secretary-Generals: one of whom is a ghost! Let me express the Duerten Forum’s honor and delight. Not, of course, that I don’t cherish Ambassador Hannah Marston’s visits.” A silver-feathered head poked out of a door at the end of the hallway, past a spacious lounge; his beak was the precise yellow of corn. “Please, come in. Make yourselves at home. Can I get you anything to drink?”
Kuemper shuffled forward, giving me a knowing look. “Water would be lovely for me. Thank you for the warm welcome, Ambassador Korajan.”
“I second that gratitude. Enchanted to meet you. I’m sure you know, but I’m Elias Meier.” Taking a gamble that the ambassador was more than acquainted with our customs, I extended a hand. Korajan strode forward with confidence, ensnaring my palm in his wingtip. “We appreciate you taking the time to sit with us, Ambassador.”
“Just Korajan,” the avian said, feeling my artificial hand with undeniable curiosity. He finally released my grip, and waited for us to get seated. “There’s no need for formalities, especially when I’m in such esteemed company. What can I do for you?”
“We’ve come to seek your assistance in the fight against the Sivkits’ assailants. The Sapient Coalition needs allies to back us against these menaces,” Kuemper stated. “Any help we can get would make a difference.”
“I see. I heard about your unfortunate defeat in your prior engagement, but I don’t see how it involves or concerns us. The Duerten, as you well know, aren’t in the position we used to be. We’ve turned our focus inward for years, shoring up our defenses to watch out for our beloved planet. The potential benefit it might offer you is so negligible that it’s hardly worth increasing our vulnerability. The risk far outweighs the rewards for any party.”
I studied the avian, careful to avoid a direct stare. “I understand that it’s a lot to ask. However, small bits of help from across the Shield can accumulate to be a massive difference maker. We want to stop this genocidal force from getting anywhere near Kalqua; if we play our cards right, you won’t need defenses.”
“Elias—sorry, may I call you Elias?” Korajan asked, continuing after I nodded. “We’re, of course, concerned to have a predatory species with such power and intentions, outside our known terrain. They bear a striking resemblance to the Arxur, and my government does appreciate the advance warning from the SC so we can make preparations. Yet the Forum is concerned by several of your recent initiatives, which would make us doubly unwilling to back your cause.”
“Go on. What initiatives have unsettled you?” I hope he doesn’t mean me, with resurrecting dead humans; that’d hit close to home, and I don’t know how to defend it. “Perhaps we can clear up our rationale and intentions, ensuring that there are no misunderstandings.”
“I hope I’m not impolite to point it out, but my government is beginning to see a pattern in your recent connections to carnivores. The Sapient Coalition is attempting an uplift on one race, despite what we all know happened on Wriss, and has brought them into your mix while they are at war with each other. We’re also aware of these Osirs—a race you are resurrecting to live among you, despite having no idea what they’re capable of. Present company excluded, species that need meat are not trustworthy types. These Osirs are weapons: look at the fangs.”
“Anything is a weapon in the wrong hands. Respectfully, we don’t feel that it’s right to judge a species for their diet. If I’m not mistaken, your own kind were once omnivores, Korajan.”
The Duerten fluttered his wings in acknowledgement. “The Federation changed us greatly—some things for the better, others to erase our intellect. We’re an individualist species, and they tried to make us…what do you humans call it? A ‘hive mind.’ Hive minds, of course, are fiction, yet they tried to make it real. Still, sometimes when you’re changed enough, it makes it impossible to go back to how things were.”
“I of all people grasp that sentiment,” I sighed, without moving an abdominal muscle, reflecting how my life would never be the same in this state. “We believe all sapients deserve a chance at life and happiness. Equality isn’t a principle we withhold based on any factor, and we don’t change species to fit our own whims.”
“This is why we’re content with our relations as is: separate, so we’re not connected to your disputes or obligated to get involved. The Duerten will always have differences between what are considered acceptable behaviors, and our guiding principles and overarching goals.”
Kuemper tapped her fingers on her knee. “Regardless, our choices with the Bissems and Osirs will have no impact or tangible effects on the Duerten. Nor is it a reason to shy away from protecting herbivores, the mandate that led you to stand up to the Federation in the past.”
“That cost us everything. Kalqua took a beating worse than Earth did. We don’t set out to attract the ire of powerful enemies these days.”
“We saved Kalqua. We were there when you needed our help to keep your innocents safe,” I reminded him, knitting my eyebrows with earnestness. “We answer when others call for our help to stay alive; the Duerten know what drives us to answer the bell. Isn’t that worth a smidge of reciprocation?”
“If Earth, or for that matter, Leirn were under siege, we would come. However, it appears to us that you entered their territory, not the other way around.”
“Think of the type of species…no, the kind of governments that would glass worlds. The old-school Arxur Dominion. The Kolshian shadow caste when they were defied. The Krakotl extermination fleet because they hated us. That’s what we see in the Osirs, and the gluttonous killing of Sivkit civilians while refusing to speak. We can’t turn a blind eye.”
“I’m sorry, Elias. Even if I wanted to help you, I don’t have the authority. I’m expressing my government’s position, and I’ve been told the Duerten Forum isn't going to war under any circumstances. I apologize that I can’t be of more use, and regret if you might feel your time has been squandered, leaving empty-handed.”
I shared a look with Kuemper, recognizing that we had been stonewalled; there was an implication in Korajan’s last statement that the discussion on this matter was over. The Forum hadn’t given him any negotiating room, so I didn’t get the sense I could do better than asking for him to take a message. If this was the most friendly party we’d be interacting with, I wasn’t off to a good start wrangling support for an alliance. There were a few other Shield races we could try, but an endorsement from the founders might’ve gotten the whole union on board. We had to find another angle—negotiating with the Fed remnants would be impossible without the Shield as an intermediary.
“Of course we don’t feel that way. The back-and-forth was enlightening, productive communication, as much as humanity would love to stand side-by-side in this endeavor,” I offered. “We appreciate you hearing us out, and do hope you’ll pass along our rationale to the Forum, for clarity.”
“I will,” the Duerten responded. “Your words, as always, deserve to be heard and treated with respect.”
Kuemper followed my lead, rising as I stood. “Korajan, I want you to know I deeply appreciate what you said about coming to Earth’s aid should we ever fall on hard times. That stood out to me, as a reason why our cooperation is so precious and beautiful.”
“I agree wholeheartedly. I do wish you the best of luck in your future engagements; my people hope you emerge victorious.”
“Thank you. Our door will always be open if you have a change of heart.”
In my mind, I had already vacated the Duerten embassy, but it was necessary to retrace my steps to depart the ambassador’s office. Aliens were much more diplomatic in rebuffing us now than in my era, which was the proper way to express disagreements between nations. It wasn’t lost on me that the differences in “behaviors” and “principles” Korajan meant were things such as hunting, omnivory, accepting carnivores, exterminators, and predator disease facilities. The Forum still clung to much of their old lifestyle; the gray avian had stated that some Federation changes were “for the better.” That was telling about how much of their ideology they’d yet to shed.
“Forgive my impertinence, but before you go, Elias…may I ask a personal inquiry? It’s not on my behalf of my government,” Korajan called, as our shoes cleared the threshold of his office.
I turned around, giving him an encouraging smile. “Of course. Go ahead.”
“What…what was it like? To die…to be dead?”
“It wasn’t like anything. It was a singularity of all outcomes: all I ever was, and all I ever could be, condensed to nothing. There are no words to describe emptiness and infinite rest. It’s a peace that knows no equal.”
The Duerten dipped his head. “Thank you. It gives me some…personal solace, to know…to know my daughter is resting peacefully. She died in so much pain after only a short period of remission. Ahem…if you’ll excuse me, I…”
“We’ll leave you in peace,” Kuemper replied, softness in her voice.
I folded my hands behind my back, mulling over the choked-up ambassador’s words. How could I let a few days of mental suffering defeat me, when kids suffered through such terrible diseases—never getting to reach adulthood? This program could give children like Korajan’s daughter a chance to grow up, and be a kid, free from pain. As soon as I was alone, I knew I’d be cast back into a maddening state of consciousness, with my brain struggling to stay tethered to this reality. Where I’d been ready to give up before Virnt’s quick fix, the avian’s story made me want to remain in the fight.
The Tilfish had been right: there was the potential for the technology that had brought me back to do a lot of good, and save others a great deal of heartbreak and suffering. No personal sacrifice was too great to ensure that one day, no parent would ever have to bury their child.
First Prev
Star Crossed [Multiple Free Sample Chapters] Patreon Subreddit Discord Paperback NOP2 Species Lore

The internet is a strange place, inadvertently designed to bring out the best and worst in people. People can be whoever or whatever they want to be. For predators and malignant narcissists and who live in their own delusions to begin with, it's like a hunting ground. They can create whatever persona they wish, fill their victims' heads with lies and half-truths that paint them out to be someone they are not, and by the time their victim actually meets them, it's too late - they've already created an image in their mind of this perfect person the narcissist has convinced them they are, and it usually takes time before the curtain comes down, the lies fall apart, and the mask breaks away.
I'm no saint, and I've learned my own tough lessons from the internet. I grew up under not-so-great circumstances, only getting 5 years of education before I turned 18 and was largely raised by a computer screen. Along the way, I catfished a woman in her mid-20's when I was 14-16 years old. It wasn't intentional at first, I told everyone that I was in my mid-20's and I worked as a bouncer at a bar in NYC. I never meant any harm, I was just raised by a computer and spent all my time alone playing MMOs and learned quickly that if I told people how old I was, they'd stop playing with me. So a bouncer seemed like a job I could bullshit about easily enough, and I was a big dude at 6'1 260lbs so I figured I could maybe pass it off as legit if it ever got hectic.
I started playing with this woman in her 20's and her husband frequently. We became friends fast, and soon we were virtually inseparable on the game. Her marriage ended up not working out, and after they separated she told me she had feelings for me. I should've admitted I wasn't who I said I was then, but I was young and dumb and she was the only real friend I had, so I kept up the ruse. Eventually I did come clean, and she broke it off with me not long after. We stayed friends, albeit with my heart hurting pretty bad, for a few months afterwards - until she met Jack.
When she first told me about Jack, he sounded like a great catch. He had his own IT business in Canada, was a couple years older but not by much, and she was infatuated with him. Obviously I was crushed and didn't handle it well, being a practically feral teenager at the time, so not long after they started getting serious she ghosted me altogether. I was around 17 at the time, and shit started going off the rails for me. After I got out of juvie, I started drinking heavily on a near-daily basis and selling and doing drugs. This led to a lot of pathetic, inebriated, desperate attempts to contact her and apologize for how I acted.
After months of being ignored, eventually grief and regret turned to anger, and finally acceptance. When the pain passed and I came to my senses a bit, I had an epiphany and realized that if I loved her as much as I thought I did, the best thing for both of us would be to let her go. I was a high school dropout with no job, selling drugs to get by. She had 2 kids, and what kind of life could I provide for them? She made the right choice, my age and the fact I made a grown woman fall in love with a teenager not withstanding, and as bad as it hurt I realized it was selfish of me not to accept the way things were and leave her alone, so I did.
10 years or so later, I had gotten my shit together. Worked my way up from cleaning dead shit out of swimming pools, to an entry level position at an environmental consulting firm, to a Project Manager at one of the largest firms in the field in the DC area. I'd met someone, got her pregnant, and for some reason I felt a pull to contact her again. Not to rekindle an old flame, but because she had been a tremendously positive influence on my life in a time where I had few. She was the first good thing I had in my life at a time when I was sleeping on old blankets on a hard floor in an abusive home, and what I'd held onto from our time together wasn't our romantic relationship, it was the best friend I'd ever had. And something made me want to tell her that all that work she put into getting my head right wasn't in vain, and I'd finally made it out of the gutter.
So I messaged her on Facebook, and to my surprise she actually responded. We started talking again, and soon it was back to every day. When my baby mama got back on drugs and turned abusive and was putting my daughter's life in jeopardy on a near-daily basis, she was the one who convinced me I could fight for custody - that I had to fight for custody. So I did, and I won, and I've had full custody of of my daughter since she was 6 months old and for the 10 years since.
But eventually we parted ways again. I'd started seeing someone, and part of me knew I couldn't commit to another woman while I was still carrying on with her. Our relationship had started turning romantic again, and she had dropped some hints about old Jack that would come to the forefront later, but she wasn't ready to leave him and I didn't want to be that guy, so I sent her a message explaining why we had to stop talking, apologized, and ghosted her.
7 more years went by after that night. The relationship I abandoned her for soured quickly when I found out that chick was a carbon copy of my baby mama, and I quit dating to focus on my career and raising my daughter. But on the long, 2+ hour commutes each way from work, I often found myself stuck pondering the "what ifs". What if I hadn't ghosted her? What if our age gap wasn't there, and we'd never had to split up to begin with? I knew in my soul I was never going to find someone like her again, but I made peace with it. I imagined her happy life, her kids with Jack, and convinced myself I made the right choice.
Then COVID hit, and near the start of it, I stumbled on a post on reddit about this dude who sent his high school sweetheart a message many years later apologizing for how he treated her and telling her how her presence impacted him, and I thought to myself, "Hey, I did that!". So I started writing a reply, and for the first time told the story of this girl and I. I'd never told a soul about what happened with us, not even my family or closest friends. Maybe it was the stigma of having an online relationship back in those days that carried over, or maybe it was just too personal to share with my friends or family. It got long, so eventually I just decided to start a new thread. When I was done, it was so long I figured no one would ever read it, but I hit submit anyway and put my phone down and got back to work.
Well, I was wrong. People did read it - a lot of people. Soon my phone started blowing up. Thousands of comments, hundreds of DMs, people offering me book deals and asking if they could have the rights for a screenplay or have me on their podcasts. It was fucking surreal, and being generally a private person who tries to fly under the rader, it got overwhelming fast. Eventually I reached out to her again on Facebook, warned her about what happened, and apologized for putting her business out there.
She didn't respond for a couple weeks, and when she did we started talking again almost immediately. And then in mid-April 2020, she told me that she needed to talk to me. She spilled everything, and told me exactly who Jack was. How he would hack into her devices to spy on her, threaten to kill her and her partner if she ever left him, say vile things to her and her daughters, calling the young girls cunts and bitches. How he alienated all her friends and family, and kept them all isolated in the house her parents bought them that he would rarely leave.
And I felt deceived too. All those years I'd convinced myself that she was happy, that she got together with Jack and was living the life she deserved. In reality, Jack intentionally got her pregnant not long after he flew out to her state the first time. He quickly moved into her house, and refused to work or provide not only for her kids or their kids, but for the other 3 children he abandoned in Australia and Canada who he had no relationship with, with 3 different women he victimized in the same manner. When she was 8 months pregnant with their first kid, she was working nights doing hospice care while he sat on his ass playing videogames all night and talking to his ex. In 17 years, this fucking loser with 7 kids by 4 women worked a grand total of 5 weeks, quit his job, claimed he got PTSD from the experience, and somehow manipulated his way into getting SSDI for it. They survived off SSDI and her parents' charity for years.
But Jack was reading all of this, because like I mentioned earlier, he was hacking her devices and watching us talk remotely. Jack knew the jig was up, and slowly started to unravel. She told him she wanted a divorce, and that she was not going to sever her friendship with me again. And he pretended to take that well, going as far as to try to befriend and manipulate me. He tried every trick to keep her he'd done for years - telling her he was going to get help and would change first, then when that failed he made suicide threats and somehow got his therapist to call her and tell her as long as she didn't leave him he wouldn't kill himself, and then he tried to intimidate her. Eventually he went off the rails completely and sexually assaulted her when he thought she was sleeping.
She called me from her parents' house crying the night it happened, and I convinced her to file a police report. She did, and a couple weeks later Jack got removed from the home, served with a protective order, and charged for sexual abuse. This of course did nothing to stop Jack - he broke into their house a couple days later when she and the kids were out to upload a folder of revenge porn to his Google Drive under the guise of wanting to drop off a cake for her birthday.
Then the stalking started. Jack would relentlessly message her all day and night on Facebook, switching between rage, trying to garner sympathy, convince her he would change, and threatening self-harm. We later found out via a cyber forensics report that he was hacking into the laptop she had taken with her while she hid at her parents' and had been so bold as to steal her Victim Impact Statement and send it to all his World of Warcraft buddies as a joke.
And he didn't just stalk her, he came for me too. Constant unauthorized attempts to access my accounts for everything from Windows to my bank, spam calls and emails - shit, the wormy little fuck even got his friends to stalk my social media and pretend to be strangers to gaslight me. I ignored all of it, and he got desperate enough to send me a lovely message attempting to extort and blackmail she and I, claiming he had "all my posts" but wouldn't do anything with them if I called him. The tipping point for me is when he subscribed to my small YouTube channel - which had nothing on it but 3 videos of my daughter. That veiled threat wasn't lost on me.
But Jack fucked up. I don't know if he thought his insane nonsense would scare me off, or if in his delusions he really thought he was the bad mother fucker he convinced himself he was, but Jack didn't know jack about me. I'm a crazy fuck too, and while he was sitting on his fat ass playing World of Warcraft all day every day for the past couple decades, I was selling drugs and hanging with some of the grimiest mother fuckers Baltimore had to offer. I've seen and experienced a lot of real violence outside a computer monitor, and the prospect of a violent resolution to this saga didn't phase me a whole lot. I'd spent years trying to be a better person and avoid conflict, but I sure as shit wasn't afraid of it either. Leading up to this point, I was already trying to calm myself down and talk myself off the ledge and not pack my guns and drive out there to keep watch until the police did their thing and put him away, which took a lot longer than it should have - this fucking guy violated his protective order 80 times in just a couple weeks.
So I called him, and he spent the next 26 minutes crying over the phone like a drunk little bitch, while I tried my best to be kind and to talk him off the ledge. And yes, I did record it, and yes it is hysterical listening to it now in hindsight, and yes I still have the recording. Anyway, I told him he was scaring the shit out of her and the kids, and he promised to leave us alone and I told him if he could chill the fuck out I would try to talk her into giving him more access to the kids. The next day, she got an email from her first ex-husband - Jack had reached out to him with a link to my reddit post trying to get help from him to come after me, which he promptly shut down and sent to her.
The next few weeks were terrifying as Jack descended further into madness and became more scared and desperate. He knew she was gone and not coming back, and he was facing real charges and real jail time, and while Jack is a fucking moron in a lot of ways, I'm sure he knew a fat, greasy computer nerd with a sex offense conviction wasn't going to have a good time in County. Jack was a murder-suicide waiting to happen, the police were doing nothing to stop his stalking, and I felt powerless to help her. Eventually after he sent her $50 over PayPal at 4:00am with what appeared to be a suicide note, I had enough. I called the DA's office, asked them why the fuck this was being allowed to happen, and promised them I'd been taking meticulous notes and if anything happened to her I would be taking it straight to the media. The DA told me if I was going to make threats the conversation was over, but sure enough he was finally arrested not long after.
Ironically we had remained platonic friends through most of this, but the shared experience of dealing with this psycho brought us closer together and things quickly changed. We knew he wasn't going to stop when he got out of jail, I felt responsible for her safety after my stupid reddit post started this chain of events that led to Jack's unraveling, and with the world seemingly coming apart during COVID, decided if we were ever going to meet it felt like it was now or never. So I booked a plane ticket across the country, spent a week with her and her family, and a few days after I came home she flew out to visit me and meet my family.
We went into it with no expectations. I fully accepted we might not click and our relationship would go back to being platonic. For my part, I just wanted the closure of finally meeting this person who had such a profound impact on my life before COVID mutated or something and killed us all.
But we did click, and the next two weeks were life-changing. I met and cooked for her entire extended family the day after I arrived, and it went well. While I was there I got her mom's email address, and after I went home I had an idea. I knew her parents had met in DC, so I emailed her mom and asked her for a list of places that were special to her, and she told me about the church her parents had met in. I asked her to keep our conversation secret so it would be a surprise, and she did.
So when she comes out to the east coast, I take her on a tour through DC and park the car a few blocks down the street from the church. As we're walking by, she notices the church and comments on how beautiful it is.
I keep it cool and respond, "Yeah, that's a pretty important place.".
She looks at me and says, "Oh? Why's that?".
"That's where your parents met.".
She audibly gasps, giddily bounces a bit, starts to cry, and we pulled down our masks (fuckin covid) and kiss. Her reaction is easily one of the greatest memories in my life. What I didn't know at the time, was that her parents had told her about that church since she and her siblings were kids. When the church changed denominations, the church took the angel statue off the top and brought it back to her home state, and her parents had taken them to see it a few times throughout her childhood.
Anyway, getting sidetracked here, the sappy love story stuff is a different story altogether.
A month after we met for the first time, I had quit my job, sold everything I couldn't fit in my sedan, and she flew back out and drove across the country with my daughter and I.
Sounds crazy as hell, and it was, but it worked out better than it should have. I got a good job making more than I did back home right away, her kids loved me, and my daughter loved her and adjusted to her new home fast. And by the time Jack got out of jail for felony cyberstalking, sexual abuse, and Intimidation of a Witness in a Domestic Violence case, we had cameras all over the house, and I had taught my fiancee how to shoot - which she quickly became better than me at.
But Jack's time in jail didn't slow him down, and the 2-10 year suspended sentence didn't deter him at all. As a matter of fact, on his first day out one of the first things he did was start trying to hack her accounts again. He managed to con an elderly couple he knew threw World of Warcraft from a different state into letting him live with them, and from there he spent a lot of time and energy stalking us and hacking our devices to the best of his ability. He also convinced these poor, very stupid elderly people from his videogame to bankroll a lengthy, expensive divorce. Somehow a man who hadn't worked in almost 20 years managed to run us into over $50,000 in legal fees in two years. How a marriage with zero assets turned into a two year battle when both parties were officially in poverty before the divorce, or how the family courts never saw through the bullshit is beyond me.
To Jack's credit, he did a pretty good job remaining a thorn in our side. Largely due to the complete and utter ineptitude and indifference of the police and District Attorney who could and should have put a stop to his bullshit at any point in that time. Old Jack got hit with a permanent criminal stalking injunction and a 10-year protective order along with his probation, and no amount of effort on our part would get the police, DA, or probation to put a stop to it, despite mountains of evidence.
He successfully managed to draw the divorce out right up to the wedding we planned a year and a half prior, with his attorney putting in motion after motion to delay the process. With all our family and friends coming from all over the country and as far away as Japan, we accepted our wedding would just be a celebration and not an official wedding. Until the night before the wedding, she got a call from her attorney - he had made a call to the clerk's office at the court and got her to move the paperwork to finalize the divorce to the top of the pile, and she was officially divorced. Our wedding would be a real wedding after all, and despite Jack's best efforts, he lost again. We had the wedding on a remote ranch that we rented for a week, and foolishly decided to cater and decorate ourselves, which would have been a colossal undertaking without the extra 4 hours to drive into town and get our marriage certificate at the courthouse. But we pulled it off and it was everything we could have hoped for and then some, and we were officially married.
Jack of course didn't stop after the divorce was finalized. The list of shit he tried to do to us before and after that is too long to spell out in an already too long post, but here are some choice bits:
He wrote a demented letter to the oldest of his kids with her who severed her relationship with him, calling my wife and her mother "vipers and cowards" and promising we would "answer for what we've done sooner or later".
He continuously hacked our computers, miscellaneous accounts tied to our emails, and any other devices he could get into - dropping in remotely via Amazon Alexa, phones, etc.
He set up bots to send us thousands of spam emails, sign us up for dozens of international newsletters all at once, and requests for consultations for things like solar panel installations.
He told the kids vile lies about my wife and I, although the most egregious was when he used a court-ordered therapy appointment with his second oldest daughter to accuse me of distributing child porn, told the therapist I am an "evil man", and told him I wasn't safe to be around his daughters. This led to her being forensically interviewed by the police, where she spelled out what happened, but of course they did nothing.
He gave the two youngest children cell phones to sneak into our house, with Google accounts activated and location tracking turned on.
He sent packages to our house 5 times in the space of a few months, one of which was addressed to himself and contained nothing but a bag of Stevia and a pack of gum. These packages generally came to our door the day before his scheduled visitation with the kids.
During this time my bank account was hacked four times in the span of just a few months with nearly identical fraudulent charges. In each of these instances, I had completely changed my bank account information.
He filed false reports with CPS twice, alleging we were beating the children, locking them in the closet, and not feeding or bathing them. This led to a CPS agent coming to our house to investigate.
We brought all this to the police over and over as it happened, and they did nothing. The DA running the case wasted 5 months subpoenaing a fake email address that we told them when we reported it was fake and spoofed. After finding out about that, we went to the DA's office to find out what the fuck was going on. A Victim's Advocate met with us, and was horrified about how the case was handled, looked up the prosecutor assigned to the case, rolled her eyes and said "Oh...it's Stephanie", confirming what we already knew - this prosecutor was completely incompetent, an elect3d politician moonlighting as a prosecutor. She called us the next day to tell us the actual DA called a meeting and a warrant was put out for Jack's arrest. For some inexplicable reason, they pulled the warrant back, and the advocate told us it was because the DA was pursuing more serious charges.
Then, they stonewalled us. The Victim's Advocate we had met with that actually tried to help us was moved off our case, and the new one assigned refused to talk to us or return our calls. The few exchanges we had with her, she made it abundantly clear she had the DA Office's interests in mind and not ours. We decided to just stay quiet and let the process play out and hope for the best, up until we received an email on Friday night before Election Day from the Detective telling us Stephanie had closed the case. I assume she didn't want her incompetence coming to light, and didn't want to shut the case down before Election Day knowing we would be on the warpath.
Eventually, Jack caught wind that he was officially under criminal investigation, but clearly had no idea they were never going to press charges. He got quiet for a bit, until he was ultimately let off probation early. We still get the occasional reminder he's out there watching, but his fear of going back to jail and the belief it might happen cowed him a bit. So instead he harasses us through the family courts, filing constant bullshit motions with no evidence to support them, and for some reason the courts let it continue. Somehow a man who makes ~$800 from SSDI and is only paying $30 a month total to support his 3 kids with my wife is able to fund tens of thousands of dollars worth of legal proceedings every year, and no one in the family courts has ever stopped to ask how he is paying for it or why all this money isn't being spent on supporting these children.
But despite Jack's best efforts, his bullshit hasn't worked. My wife and I have been together for four years soon, and married for two. His kids call me dad and hate his guts, only seeing him because the courts force them to. I continue to advance in my career, landing two major promotions in the past 2 years and now running a division in one of the largest companies in my field in this part of the country. I just enrolled in college to go back to school and get a degree in family law with a focus on domestic violence. The most frustrating part of the whole experience with ol' Jack was having no one to turn to when all the institutions who were supposed to keep this from happening ignored us, and even though I'll be well into my mid 40's before I accomplish my new goals, I plan to advocate for domestic violence victims and do everything I can to lobby for change to these laws to keep as many people as I can from going through what my wife and I did. I learned that the only way to beat these people at their game is to play on the same field right along with them, and that's what I intend to do.
My wife went back to work too once she healed from some of the trauma, making $30 an hour as a personal assistant for a fella who's had two movies made about his life. Our kids struggled a bit with school and dealing with all their biological parents' issues, but they quickly turned it around and have been excelling. We're all happy, healthy, and doing better now than ever.
As for Jack? Well, he's pushing 50 and still spending his days alone, playing World of Warcraft and jerking off in this old couple's basement. Nothing has changed there, and now he's too fat, old, and visibly an enormous fucking loser to victimize women in the same way he did in his youth. I have no doubts he'll find another victim eventually, probably when these old weirdos bankrolling his life now finally wise up, but one thing Jack forgets is that karma is a mother fucker, and I have a giant database of evidence that I can and will send out to whoever I please to help pull that mask down and keep him from doing this to someone else. Nothing is more appealing to a potential love interest than hearing their man cry like a drunk bitch for 26 minutes to the man he claims stole his wife, while simultaneously admitting to sexually assaulting said wife.
As wonderful as it would have been for Jack to go to prison where he can't hurt anyone again, there is some catharsis knowing Jack will forever be in a prison of his own making. His children want nothing to do with him, and he'll never see them graduate or walk them down the aisle. Jack will die miserable and alone, and in his narcissistic delusion will still be blaming everyone else for the colossal failure of his life, while continuing to fail to grasp the one thread that ties all his misery together - himself.
And since he somehow manages to find and stalk most of my social media, I'd wager Jack will end up reading this too. I hope he does in all honesty. And Jack, if you are reading this, I want you to know that you can kick, flail, manipulate and lie, cry and complain until you're red in the face. None of it matters. You don't matter. You'll leave this world alone, as sad and bitter as you are now, and the world will be a better place for it.

Hi all- awaiting a dermatology appointment for confirmation. Starting around middle school, during the winter, my hands would dry out to the point of cracking and bleeding. Any time moisture of any sort was introduced once my hands were even slightly dry (INCLUDING MY OWN SWEAT!!!?) I would develop a large rash that would burn, and encompass my hands, on one occasion traveling up to my upper arm.
After switching to ivory soap, I've managed to avoid seasonal dryness, bleeding, etc that causes my rashes. Occasionally I might still break out if I use antibacterial or dish soap too many times in a row.
I can't wash dishes by hand. Normally, I can't be touching cleaner, detergent, etc either. Lotions are a 50/50 on whether they make me break out, brand regardless. Any will, it just depends on my skin at the time. Sometimes I can use bath and body works, sometimes I can't use any lotion whatsoever without a breakout.
My issue is; gloves. They're necessary in a lot of things, especially when you can't frequently use antibacterial soap. One of my cats urinates on things, which is a sensory nightmare, so I'm hoping someone might have a similar experience and found a solution for gloves?
It doesn't seem to be the gloves themselves, it seems to be trapping the sweat against my skin that causes the reaction- dry or not-dry skin. I don't know if it's how salty it is or what exactly. I've tried latex, vinyl, powdered, non-powdered, even rubber. The only ones that seem to take longer to cause the reaction are the type you wear in winter- but they still do 🥲
Thanks so much!