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When you just can't seem to find the right answer
2009.09.06 22:48 When you just can't seem to find the right answer
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2024.05.15 06:08 Rezart_KLD A magic hack for Knave 2e I'm considering
To cast a spell from a book you are carrying, roll an INT check vs DC11, or 11+Level for spells that target a creature. Careers do not grant modifiers to these spell checks. The margin of success of your check, up to a maximum of your character level, is the spells Power. i.e. A third level character who beats the target by 7 would cast a spell of POW 3. If they beat the target by 1, the spell is POW 1. Where “INT” appears in the spell description, replace it with "POW".
After each spell attempt, whether successful or not, mark a point of Drain. This cumulative Drain score acts as a penalty to any further spell checks, and remains until you have a full rest (a meal and two watches of sleep). If a spell check succeeds exactly, i.e. a margin of 0, treat it as POW 1 but with a Drain of 2.
OPTION: Chaos Magic Surges
When casting a spell:
I think this relatively straight forward, and I like the differences it introduces:
submitted by Rezart_KLD to KnaveRPG [link] [comments]
After each spell attempt, whether successful or not, mark a point of Drain. This cumulative Drain score acts as a penalty to any further spell checks, and remains until you have a full rest (a meal and two watches of sleep). If a spell check succeeds exactly, i.e. a margin of 0, treat it as POW 1 but with a Drain of 2.
OPTION: Chaos Magic Surges
When casting a spell:
- On a natural 20, reduce your Drain by 1d4 (but not less than 0)
- On a natural 1, you take 1d4 direct damage from spell burn.
- On a natural 13, your spell succeeds or fails as normal, but in addition a wild magical effect occurs. The GM can choose or roll for a random spell. Roll 1d4 for the POW of the effect.
I think this relatively straight forward, and I like the differences it introduces:
- Magic becomes more common at low levels, not a one and done for the day. But it also becomes less reliable. Spells are still powerful, but they can be hit or miss just like combat. A sleep spell can still end the combat, but it might not do it on round one. It might drop only a single goblin or all of them.
- By making it a roll, there's a design space you can play in - maybe a chaos node boosts shapeshifting magic, or light spells are more difficult in the lair of the wraith king. You can give advantage or disadvantage to certain aspects, or change the Drain cost.
- Saving throws are baked into the roll - the higher the creature's level, the lower the spells effective power, or it doesn't effect them at all. If a spell targets a creatures weakness, like an illusion spell deceiving a dumb ogre, or ice on a fire elemental, you could use 1/2 level instead, or maybe give the caster advantage on their caster check.
- Spellbooks are valuable to all characters in these rules. Even if they didn't invest in INT they might be able to get a spell off a few times. Because its an INT check though, characters who do have INT will be able to cast spells more often and more effectively.
- Drain keeps the characters from spamming spells - each time they try, it reduces their chances of casting the next spell. If they are still casting too many spells for your taste, make each attempt cost 2 Drain instead.
- There's no restriction against casting the same spell multiple times in this version, unlike the main rules. This is by choice; the idea of wizards having signature spells appeals to me. However it would be just as easy to add it back in, or maybe a compromise where they have disadvantage to cast that spell again until the next day.
- The chaos magic option is there if you want magic to be even more of a risk. If the direct damage on 1 is too harsh, change it to 1d4 additional Drain from the spell.
2024.05.15 06:06 Oogalyboogalyer Ashai Tsukuki
Name: Ashai Tsukuki
Race: HumanGender: Male
Age: 19
Appearance: Ashai is a striking figure, standing tall at 5'10". His demeanor exudes confidence, matched by his intense yellow eyes and slicked-back black hair. His choice of attire combines elements of Jujustu High's uniform with personalized touches, reflecting his rebellious spirit. He wears the uniform as an open jacket over a white shirt, with a burgundy cloth tied around his waist. Bandages wrapped around his wrists add to his rugged appearance, hinting at his combat prowess. Completing his ensemble are the standard Jujustu High pants and a pair of black shoes.
Personality: Ashai possesses a complex personality characterized by aggression, arrogance, and a streak of playfulness. He often displays a moody demeanor, unafraid to express his opinions and disregard rules when it suits him. Despite his confrontational attitude, Ashai harbors a sense of loyalty towards those he respects, demonstrating a more compassionate side beneath his tough exterior. His affinity for femboys adds a unique and somewhat quirky aspect to his personality, showcasing his multifaceted nature. Ashai's willingness to fight dirty and employ any means necessary to secure victory underscores his determination and resourcefulness.
Abilities
Cursed Technique: Dragon's WayDragon's Way is a sophisticated cursed technique that integrates the summoning of a dragon shikigami named Ao Shun to discern and manipulate the directional orientation of specific individuals. * Mechanism: Dragon's Way operates through a multi-step process, initiated by the user's mental focus on the targeted individual. By visualizing the appearance of the desired target, the user channels their cursed energy to invoke the summoning of Ao Shun, a small dragon shikigami imbued with the ability to ascertain directional bearings. Once summoned, Ao Shun manifests before the user, its presence signifying the activation of Dragon's Way. Through a mystical connection between the user and the dragon shikigami, Ao Shun instinctively orients itself and points in the direction of the targeted individual, providing real-time guidance and tracking capabilities. * Utility: The versatility of Dragon's Way extends beyond mere directional guidance, offering a range of tactical applications in combat scenarios. Beyond tracking adversaries, users of Dragon's Way can employ Ao Shun to navigate complex environments, evade pursuit, and locate hidden or obscured targets. Furthermore, the ability to manipulate directional orientation grants users a strategic advantage in engagements, allowing them to control the positioning of opponents and exploit vulnerabilities with precision strikes and maneuvers. Domain Expansion: Dragon's Eternal Compass The domain expansion associated with Dragon's Way is known as Dragon's Eternal Compass, a formidable manifestation of becoming the sure hit effect and using the Ganesh Mudra, to open the domain. * Manifestation: Upon activation, the Dragon's Eternal Compass domain materializes as a vast, stone platform suspended within a swirling vortex of clouds. Encircling the perimeter of the platform is an imposing jade dragon statue, its sinuous form serving as both guardian and conduit for the domain's power. * Rules and Limitations: - Duration Constraint: The Dragon's Eternal Compass domain operates within a finite temporal framework, with its influence enduring for a predetermined duration of four minutes from the moment of initiation. This temporal limitation imposes a sense of urgency upon participants, compelling swift and decisive action to achieve their objectives within the allotted timeframe. - Occupancy Restrictio: The domain imposes strict constraints on the number of individuals permitted within its confines, stipulating that only two occupants may coexist simultaneously within its spatial boundaries. In instances where additional individuals seek entry, the user must explicitly designate the supplementary participants prior to activating the expansion. - Cursed Technique Prohibition: The space of the Dragon's Eternal Compass domain is upheld through a prohibition against the utilization of cursed techniques by its occupants. - Escaping Restriction: Once ensconced within the domain's confines, individuals find themselves ensnared by an inescapable barrier, rendering conventional means of exit unattainable. The only recourse for departure lies in possession of a domain of one's own, breaking into the domain from the outside won’t work and neither will anti-domain techniques. - Principal Tenet and Ability: Central to the operation of the Dragon's Eternal Compass domain is its principal tenet governing the allocation of the sure hit effect. The individual who emerges from the domain having incurred the least amount of damage during its tenure is anointed as the recipient of this coveted boon. Giving the User the sure hit effect of the domain which is to bypass conventional defenses when executing physical attacks devoid of weaponry. The way this is done is the following, the user can throw a punch of kick or even any kind of physical attack and whoever or whatever the user sees, they are hit by the attack, taking the impact. No matter the location, as long as the user sees the target, they will be hit.
Other Abilities:
- Black Flash: Ashai wields the formidable technique of Black Flash, harnessing spatial distortion to amplify the impact of his cursed energy-infused strikes. This phenomenon, occurring within a fraction of a second of a physical hit, produces a flash of black cursed energy, vastly increasing the potency of Ashai's attacks.
Vow Of Hands: Ashai invokes the Vow of Hands, sacrificing access to his cursed technique when within another's domain in exchange for a monstrous boost to his physical stats. This augmentation enhances his combat prowess, allowing him to compensate for the loss of his cursed technique with sheer physical power.
Cursed Flow Divergence: Ashai employs Cursed Flow Divergence, a technique that disrupts an opponent's cursed energy flow with precise strikes targeting specific anatomical points. By temporarily shutting down the opponent's ability to utilize cursed energy, Ashai creates openings for unpredictable and devastating counterattacks, blending street fighting techniques with cursed energy manipulation to maintain an edge in combat.
2024.05.15 06:05 nopehujkinmkh New dog. In love. Stubborn as heck.
 | Hello, I have just adopted a wonderful dog. She had a very rough start. They found her covered in fleas ticks and dirt in the middle of Texas and she was heavily pregnant. She was brought to Connecticut and had five puppies. Only four of them survived. The four survivors were adopted out. She was then spayed and put up on Petfinder where I found her and brought her home. She may have some hormones that are still regulating but She is a literal dream. She is the cutest little thing. 17 lb Boston terrier Chihuahua mix. I've only had her a week but she is already so attached to me and she's been wonderful and she's slowly been socializing with other people and dogs. She is just a goofy clown that brings so much joy to my life. I understand that both of those breeds can be stubborn, but I feel like she's doing a full-on protest. Every morning I wake up and I drive her to the dog park because it's fenced in and I let her get her energy out in the morning and then I take her again at lunch time with a little picnic for myself and then I take her again at night. The problem is when I don't have time to drive her or when it's too late or when you know life just gets in the way like my car broke down like it did today. I have to take her out for a full hour, hour and a half. Sometimes two and a half hours and she will either do a poop or a pee but not both. And then we come inside either overnight or right away. She will do the one in the house. Now when we go to the dog park she does both and comes home and doesn't have an accident. I'm wondering if this is just her adjustment time which is fine. I I don't discipline too much with the accidents because I go more with positive reinforcement where I give her a lot of praise and treats when she does go outside. I try not to raise my voice today but days like today when it just is piled on....it's hard to be patient.I want to be clear. Nothing in this world is going to make me get rid of her. If I have to freaking pad train her I will. I don't want to. I think she might be cold outside. She is a short-haired dog and the night time is sometimes cold. I got her a longer leash that she can run around more. I play fetch with her. I take her on longer walks. Today we were outside from 9:00 at night to 11:30 and the moment she came in she came in and immediately peed on the bed. The only other issue we've had is she occasionally resource guards me. But she's usually quick to drop that when I correct her. I feel terrible because I had to put her in the kennel while I remade the bed and cleaned up the pee and she's looking at me like I broke.jer heart. . submitted by nopehujkinmkh to AdoptedDogsAreBest [link] [comments] I was really nervous about getting a dog. I waited 15 years to get a dog. for contexts I had a wonderful little dog. He was 27 lb. He was the mix of all mixes. His mom was a Chihuahua pug and his dad was a cocker spaniel poodle. He was a very odd looking boy but very cute and he was very well behaved. Now my mom's friend had puppies and my mom wanted one and my dad told her we're only going to have one dog. I love my mom. My mom is not a great person. She basically made me get rid of panda because he was an "ugly dog" and she wanted a puppy. She never got one. By the way, my dad really liked Panda and when we got rid of him he was kind of pissed and told her that they weren't getting another puppy ever . I would have said no but I was only 19 at the time and I didn't have money to move out of my own. I was still in college. Panda went to my boyfriend at the time's mom who was retired so she was home all the time with him and they had a wonderful relationship. But unfortunately, his mom lived alone and fell down some stairs and died. He then went to My ex-boyfriend who will let me visit him and pet him and see him all the time until my ex-boyfriend and I got in a fight when his roommate wanted to get a couple of Cane Corso puppies and I told him that wasn't a great idea for a 8-year-old 27 lb dog who's only lived alone. Then things got weird Tommy gotten sick and I offered to take care of Panda and he yelled at me and told me I was never going to get Panda back because he gave Panda to his new girlfriend's parents. But would not provide any pictures or updates or anything? And I understand that I was forced to give Panda away but it's not something I wanted. Unfortunately. Tom was a heavy drinker And had a lot of trauma In a short amount of time his mom died then his dad died that his best friend died. He ended up drinking himself to death. I tried to find out where Panda went but everyone was really secretive about it. i think something bad might have happened with Panda and the Cane Corsos because Tom was the type of person to not want to admit someone's right when he's wrong and I feel like the only reason he wouldn't have told me about what happened to Panda is because then it would prove that I was right even though I don't really care that I'm right. I promised myself that I would wait until I felt like I was in a place where there was no way I could lose my dog or anyone could make me lose my dog. I gave Panda away 15 years ago. I'm in my thirties now and I am a very confident with dogs. All my friends have me watch their dogs. I know a lot about training but I've never adopted a dog and I understand the 333 rule but I just want to make sure I'm doing an okay job even though she seems to be in protest. Am I taking her to the dog park too often even though it makes her happy? She really is the best thing. She is such a love. Also, thank you for your advice. |
2024.05.15 06:02 Choice_Evidence1983 My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying Stepmother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/WholePomegranate5342
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying StepMother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, imminent death, terminal illness, financial exploitation, physical assault, emotional abuse and manipulation
Original Post: February 13, 2024
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My (17F) stepmother "Jane" is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She and my father got married when I was 4, and she's been a rock in my life ever since. My mother was always my primary caregiver, but up until that point her relationship with my father was acrimonious and I basically never saw him. Jane was the reason they developed a stable co-parenting relationship, she encouraged everyone having a good relationship with each other and was always there to support me and my mom when things got rough.
Jane was always a really hard worker. When she met my dad, he was living out of a hotel and my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from him because she was petty and angry that their relationship didn't work out. Meanwhile Jane had a great job, a nice house, helped my dad get back on his feet, negotiated a visitation schedule with my mom (who hated her for a long time), and made sure my dad sent us money every week because neither one of them could afford an attorney to negotiate child support payments. Jane had no reason to do any of these things but as I got older she made it clear that she loved me as much as she loved my (half) brothers who were born a few years later. I even have my own room in her house because at the time we lived with my grandparents / various boyfriends of my mom and Jane felt that I needed a more stable environment than that. She's like the opposite of the evil stepmom.
When I was 15, Jane won a big lawsuit against an airline company and got awarded upwards of a million dollars. She used the money to build sizable trust funds for me and my brothers so that we would be taken care of later in life. Despite having a lot more money she still wanted to live a fairly modest life, so she paid off the house she has and has been living there ever since with my dad. Sure she bought a new car and they went on a few nice vacations but she didn't blow all her money on stupid things, which I respected.
About a year ago, things started getting really weird. Whenever I saw Jane she seemed to look sicker and sicker, but no one would tell me or my brothers why even though I know they knew. All we knew is that she was at the hospital a lot. Around the same time, my mom has been coming around my dad a lot more and acting really strange, basically like she was trying to romance him. Whenever Jane was in the hospital my mother would insist on spending the night at their house and playing mom to my brothers, which was so weird to me because she never liked them or Jane. She'd be the perfect little housewife and my mom is NOT like that at all. It was super fake.
Worst of all, my dad started falling for it. I'm not stupid - I'm pretty sure they were sleeping together. I tried to shield my brothers from it but they're not dumb either. I tried talking to my dad too but he insisted it wasn't like that.
Then a few weeks ago, my mom started talking about all the places she'd like to visit, how she wanted a new car and was looking to invest... which is weird because my mom has been a bartender her whole life and has lived paycheck to paycheck since before I was born. She was acting like she was about to get a lot of money, which started to make me really suspicious. Between Jane being sick and my mom acting all nouveau riche, I had a lot of questions.
Finally I decided to visit Jane in the hospital and ask her about my trust fund. I found out that if anything happened to her, that my dad would inherit all the money including full control of the trusts for me and my brothers. She asked me why I was so interested in the trust fund so I told her what's going on with my parents and how my mom has been acting with my dad. I didn't want to but after everything she did for me, she deserved the truth. It really hurt me to break her heart like that, especially once I found out that she was basically in hospice at this point because of irreversible kidney failure. She's only got a few more months. We both cried so much.
Then, two days ago everything came to a head. My mom stormed in furious and started arguing with my dad. Apparently Jane met with her lawyer and changed the trust so that my dad would get nothing and all of the trusts would be controlled by my step-aunt. She demanded to know how Jane found out about their relationship and I came out and told them that I told Jane everything. I told them that if they wanted to play stupid games they would win stupid prizes and that I wasn't going to let them screw Jane over after all the help she gave my family when she didn't have to.
My mom slapped me and my dad just looked so defeated. Then my mom told my dad that she didn't really love him, that she was just pretending to so he would marry her and she could get all of the money. The worst part about it is that my brothers witnessed the whole thing and now on top of their mom dying they have to deal with a cheating dad and his vindictive ex. Our whole family is in ruins and I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not.
Yesterday I visited Jane again and told her about the fallout. She apologized and said that she had to dissolve my trust fund to make sure my mother didn't get a hold of the money, but that as "her oldest" I will inherit the house/property after she is gone and that's worth more than the other two trust funds combined. My father won't get anything because she's going to divorce him before she dies, and honestly I'm happy for her. She made me promise to take care of my brothers and told me that once I turn 18 this summer I can kick my dad out of the house if I want to. And I FULLY plan to do that btw.
I haven't talked to my dad since and I can't even look at my mom. I can't believe they would conspire to do this to Jane after all this time. Just proof that they deserve each other and I'm embarrassed that they're my parents. Once I turn 18 I'm going to cut my dad out as much as I can and cut my mom out completely. I hope she rots. Meanwhile I'm going to try and be at the hospital as much as I can until Jane passes away.
Anyways. I just needed to vent. I'm really messed up about the whole thing and I feel super betrayed, although I can't even begin to imagine how Jane feels. I'm gonna be so f-ed up when she dies. I can't even think about that right now. But at least she's not surrounded by people who just want to bring her down.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: Some people are asking a lot of the same stuff so I'll just clarify here --
My brothers - My plan is to use some of the estate money fight for guardianship for my twin brothers so that they can live in the house while I kick my dad out. If I can't get guardianship then I will have to let my dad stay in the house. However once I turn 18 I will technically be an adult so even if my dad leaves I'm still legally able to be responsible for them. The only thing I won't be able to do is stop him from taking them if he leaves. But they will be 18 in six years so even if they do have to leave they will always be able to come back whenever they want. In a perfect world my dad would just leave and let my brothers stay with me which I'm sure my bio-mom would be very supportive of because right now she hates all of us and I doubt that will change anytime soon.
The trust - from what I understand, my brothers will inherit 1/3 each of the estate and the remaining 1/3 will be used to keep the house running until they turn 18. After that it will be up to me if I want to keep the house or sell it. At that point my brothers will still have money left in the trust so they can branch out or do whatever they want, otherwise I will not sell the house and just pass it on to them or keep it and maintain it myself and they can just stay with me as long as they need to.
(Edit to the edit) So I just spoke to Jane and she told me that the reason she dissolved the trust is because originally it was going to be split 3x between us kids and my dad would inherit the house. She dissolved my 3rd and switched it over to make it to take care of the house maintenance, and instead put the house in my name so my dad wouldn't get it. Plus by doing that at least financially I would be getting a much bigger share (the house is worth about 1.5x the amount of my brothers trusts) I just wouldn't be able to do anything with it until my brothers are 18, which I'm totally cool with. Sorry if I don't have a better answer but I'm just trying to translate what she told me.
My parents - The big fight happened on Sunday and I haven't spoken to either of my parents since, I think they're both at my mom's place right now but that's fine with us because we're all still mad at them so they can stay gone for all we care. I know technically that's not legal to just leave us alone but I've been taking care of my brothers for over a year I can handle a few days while he gets his shit together. Screw both of them.
Hope that clears some stuff up.
TLDR; My bio parents tried to screw my terminally ill stepmother out of trust fund money, but she caught on and now no one on my side of the family gets anything.
Additional Information from OOP on her parents, stepmom’s health, trust funds
mattdvs1979: My only advice is make sure you work with a lawyer once she passes so you get your inheritance and your parents can’t try to intervene, and then you keep your promise to use that money for you and your brothers’ welfare.
Update: May 8, 2024 (3 months later)
Please check my profile for my previous post. :)
Hi guys it’s me again, a lot of you asked me for an update on my situation with Jane and my family so I’ve come back with a few things that have happened since I initially posted. I will try to organize this in a way that addresses the major points of last time.
Jane is still alive and doing surprisingly well considering the circumstances. She’s always been a fighter and although her disease has been progressing she’s keeping a positive attitude with everything that is going on. She says she’s grateful that she was able to see everyone’s true colors before she passed so she could go into the next life knowing the truth. We have become so unbelievably close in the past few months and it’s getting harder and harder to know that she’s getting close to the end. She doesn’t ever talk about it though and I know it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt me but we both know the situation so we’re just making the best of our time. I'm also not being completely transparent about all of the drama at home but tbh I don't think she needs to hear all of that.
We did end up having that surprise celebration of life that I planned, a lot more people showed up than I thought but they all got an airbnb near the hospital where Jane is and we were able to take her out and spend some time at the lake near the facility. It was super lowkey which I know Jane preferred and I was even able to get her old college friend to come after I found him on Linkedin lol. We had food and there was music and we played games and it was overall a really great time, except Jane started crying at the end but she promised me it was just because she was grateful.
My brothers are also doing okay, my aunt (Jane's sister) is currently paying for them to go to therapy and they've become a lot more open about talking about the situation. They just turned 13 but a lot of the time it feels like I'm talking to actual adults lol. They've become really independent lately (in a good way) and aside from me driving them places I don't really have to do much for them anymore. Their grades aren't super great but they're not failing and considering the circumstances it could be a lot worse. They still hang out with friends and I'm keeping an eye out for like depression symptoms and stuff.
The situation with my mom is as funny as it is embarrassing tbh. She spent a few weeks ignoring us and then she tried to crawl back into my life basically begging me to let her move in because her lease is about to expire and she has nowhere to go. That convo went about as well as you'd think and she ended up calling me an ungrateful b**** and that I couldn't just ignore her because she's my mom. I told her to get out of the house before I call the cops and to go back to my dad (who at that point was only coming home every few days to "check on us" and grab some clothes.)
After that she tried coming by a few times and when I wouldn't open the door she would lose her mind and start yelling through the neighborhood. After three instances of this I finally called the cops but because I'm 17 they told me there's a possibility that I would have to go home with her since technically I'm a minor and need to be with the custodial parent. I told them no way because I was the only one watching my brothers atm. That led to a whole thing where after a few hours my dad basically showed up and I was allowed to stay there because there was finally an adult present and I'd basically lived there for over a year.
After that the cops firmly told my mom that if she keeps showing up and causing drama (my neighbors confirmed that she'd been there a few times screaming) that they would arrest her for trespassing since technically it was Jane's house and not hers. She left and hasn't tried coming to the house anymore but for a while she would call me constantly telling me I owed her and all kinds of stuff. She's now blocked on everything and anything she needs to say to me gets filtered through my dad.
As for my dad... well, since he's basically required to be here for another 2 months until I turn 18 we've basically just avoided each other. It's not too bad though because I've been heavily relying on guilting him for everything to get my way. For example he was going to contest the divorce but I threatened to kick him out when I turn 18 if he does that so he just signed all the paperwork for a "quickie divorce" and is basically doing whatever Jane tells him to do. I don't openly disrespect him or anything (he's still my dad) but I've made it clear that I have no intentions on doing anything he says ever again and he doesn't fight me on it. Most of the time he's just in his room and sometimes he'll go back to my mom's but only for a day or two before they argue and she kicks him out again lol. I haven't decided whether or not I'll kick him out yet and we haven't talked about it either so I'm kind of playing it by ear.
As for me, I'm handling everything as good as I can. I found a new job where I make a little more money so I've been focusing on saving as much as I can and just being there for my brothers. Between working and school and visiting Jane I've been so busy I haven't really had time to really stop and think about everything, but I know it'll come. One of my friends has really stepped up and helped me manage everything and I'm super grateful to him for being there for me and my brothers so we'll see how that goes.
Anyways I wish I had something more exciting to share but that's what's happened since my last post :) Thanks again for all the support on my last post.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the possibility of her stepmom being poisoned from her parents to get Jane’s money
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
My Parents Tried to Screw Over My Dying StepMother, Blew Up All Of Our Lives Instead
Trigger Warnings: infidelity, imminent death, terminal illness, financial exploitation, physical assault, emotional abuse and manipulation
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My (17F) stepmother "Jane" is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She and my father got married when I was 4, and she's been a rock in my life ever since. My mother was always my primary caregiver, but up until that point her relationship with my father was acrimonious and I basically never saw him. Jane was the reason they developed a stable co-parenting relationship, she encouraged everyone having a good relationship with each other and was always there to support me and my mom when things got rough.
Jane was always a really hard worker. When she met my dad, he was living out of a hotel and my mother was doing everything in her power to keep me away from him because she was petty and angry that their relationship didn't work out. Meanwhile Jane had a great job, a nice house, helped my dad get back on his feet, negotiated a visitation schedule with my mom (who hated her for a long time), and made sure my dad sent us money every week because neither one of them could afford an attorney to negotiate child support payments. Jane had no reason to do any of these things but as I got older she made it clear that she loved me as much as she loved my (half) brothers who were born a few years later. I even have my own room in her house because at the time we lived with my grandparents / various boyfriends of my mom and Jane felt that I needed a more stable environment than that. She's like the opposite of the evil stepmom.
When I was 15, Jane won a big lawsuit against an airline company and got awarded upwards of a million dollars. She used the money to build sizable trust funds for me and my brothers so that we would be taken care of later in life. Despite having a lot more money she still wanted to live a fairly modest life, so she paid off the house she has and has been living there ever since with my dad. Sure she bought a new car and they went on a few nice vacations but she didn't blow all her money on stupid things, which I respected.
About a year ago, things started getting really weird. Whenever I saw Jane she seemed to look sicker and sicker, but no one would tell me or my brothers why even though I know they knew. All we knew is that she was at the hospital a lot. Around the same time, my mom has been coming around my dad a lot more and acting really strange, basically like she was trying to romance him. Whenever Jane was in the hospital my mother would insist on spending the night at their house and playing mom to my brothers, which was so weird to me because she never liked them or Jane. She'd be the perfect little housewife and my mom is NOT like that at all. It was super fake.
Worst of all, my dad started falling for it. I'm not stupid - I'm pretty sure they were sleeping together. I tried to shield my brothers from it but they're not dumb either. I tried talking to my dad too but he insisted it wasn't like that.
Then a few weeks ago, my mom started talking about all the places she'd like to visit, how she wanted a new car and was looking to invest... which is weird because my mom has been a bartender her whole life and has lived paycheck to paycheck since before I was born. She was acting like she was about to get a lot of money, which started to make me really suspicious. Between Jane being sick and my mom acting all nouveau riche, I had a lot of questions.
Finally I decided to visit Jane in the hospital and ask her about my trust fund. I found out that if anything happened to her, that my dad would inherit all the money including full control of the trusts for me and my brothers. She asked me why I was so interested in the trust fund so I told her what's going on with my parents and how my mom has been acting with my dad. I didn't want to but after everything she did for me, she deserved the truth. It really hurt me to break her heart like that, especially once I found out that she was basically in hospice at this point because of irreversible kidney failure. She's only got a few more months. We both cried so much.
Then, two days ago everything came to a head. My mom stormed in furious and started arguing with my dad. Apparently Jane met with her lawyer and changed the trust so that my dad would get nothing and all of the trusts would be controlled by my step-aunt. She demanded to know how Jane found out about their relationship and I came out and told them that I told Jane everything. I told them that if they wanted to play stupid games they would win stupid prizes and that I wasn't going to let them screw Jane over after all the help she gave my family when she didn't have to.
My mom slapped me and my dad just looked so defeated. Then my mom told my dad that she didn't really love him, that she was just pretending to so he would marry her and she could get all of the money. The worst part about it is that my brothers witnessed the whole thing and now on top of their mom dying they have to deal with a cheating dad and his vindictive ex. Our whole family is in ruins and I feel like it's my fault even though I know it's not.
Yesterday I visited Jane again and told her about the fallout. She apologized and said that she had to dissolve my trust fund to make sure my mother didn't get a hold of the money, but that as "her oldest" I will inherit the house/property after she is gone and that's worth more than the other two trust funds combined. My father won't get anything because she's going to divorce him before she dies, and honestly I'm happy for her. She made me promise to take care of my brothers and told me that once I turn 18 this summer I can kick my dad out of the house if I want to. And I FULLY plan to do that btw.
I haven't talked to my dad since and I can't even look at my mom. I can't believe they would conspire to do this to Jane after all this time. Just proof that they deserve each other and I'm embarrassed that they're my parents. Once I turn 18 I'm going to cut my dad out as much as I can and cut my mom out completely. I hope she rots. Meanwhile I'm going to try and be at the hospital as much as I can until Jane passes away.
Anyways. I just needed to vent. I'm really messed up about the whole thing and I feel super betrayed, although I can't even begin to imagine how Jane feels. I'm gonna be so f-ed up when she dies. I can't even think about that right now. But at least she's not surrounded by people who just want to bring her down.
Thanks for reading.
Edit: Some people are asking a lot of the same stuff so I'll just clarify here --
My brothers - My plan is to use some of the estate money fight for guardianship for my twin brothers so that they can live in the house while I kick my dad out. If I can't get guardianship then I will have to let my dad stay in the house. However once I turn 18 I will technically be an adult so even if my dad leaves I'm still legally able to be responsible for them. The only thing I won't be able to do is stop him from taking them if he leaves. But they will be 18 in six years so even if they do have to leave they will always be able to come back whenever they want. In a perfect world my dad would just leave and let my brothers stay with me which I'm sure my bio-mom would be very supportive of because right now she hates all of us and I doubt that will change anytime soon.
The trust - from what I understand, my brothers will inherit 1/3 each of the estate and the remaining 1/3 will be used to keep the house running until they turn 18. After that it will be up to me if I want to keep the house or sell it. At that point my brothers will still have money left in the trust so they can branch out or do whatever they want, otherwise I will not sell the house and just pass it on to them or keep it and maintain it myself and they can just stay with me as long as they need to.
(Edit to the edit) So I just spoke to Jane and she told me that the reason she dissolved the trust is because originally it was going to be split 3x between us kids and my dad would inherit the house. She dissolved my 3rd and switched it over to make it to take care of the house maintenance, and instead put the house in my name so my dad wouldn't get it. Plus by doing that at least financially I would be getting a much bigger share (the house is worth about 1.5x the amount of my brothers trusts) I just wouldn't be able to do anything with it until my brothers are 18, which I'm totally cool with. Sorry if I don't have a better answer but I'm just trying to translate what she told me.
My parents - The big fight happened on Sunday and I haven't spoken to either of my parents since, I think they're both at my mom's place right now but that's fine with us because we're all still mad at them so they can stay gone for all we care. I know technically that's not legal to just leave us alone but I've been taking care of my brothers for over a year I can handle a few days while he gets his shit together. Screw both of them.
Hope that clears some stuff up.
TLDR; My bio parents tried to screw my terminally ill stepmother out of trust fund money, but she caught on and now no one on my side of the family gets anything.
Additional Information from OOP on her parents, stepmom’s health, trust funds
OOP: (Why isn't Jane on dialysis) - I don't remember the exact details but Jane has a genetic condition where she gets cysts on her kidney. She already had a transplant a few years ago but now she developed problems with her arteries or something in her legs so she doesn't qualify for dialysis. She could get another transplant but she doesn't want to because the last time was so traumatic (rejections, etc). So she decided to just let herself go onto maintenance medications to prolong her death until she gets her affairs in order. She has a few other health problems that make the typical treatments really dangerous and according to her she'd rather die surrounded by loved ones than on an operating table.OOP on her stepmom and their relationship, provides thoughts on her bio mom
(Dissolving the trust fund) - Jane told me she didn't technically have to do it, but she didn't trust my bio parents not to do something shady and get a hold of the money before I turn 18. Even if my aunt controlled the fund my dad would still be able to collect if something happened to Jane before I turn 18. Her lawyer suggested it's better safe than sorry and I agreed that it was the best option. I'm not an expert tho I don't know the details.
(How my mom knew) - Like I said before I'm pretty sure Jane told my dad, who then told my mom and that's how the argument started. I can't think of any other way and I didn't really care enough to ask.
(Jane's thoughts on my mom) - she didn't know my mom was doing all of that. My mom has her own place and would only come over whenever Jane was in the hospital for a few days at a time. I've been living with my dad for a little over a year so he probably told Jane that my mom was there to spend time with me, if he told her at all. Besides she didn't "move in" until a few months ago, which I guess is when they started hatching their plan. Jane never outright banned my mom from visiting so there really wasn't anything she could do.
Hope that helps.
Edit for the last part: The remainder of the money belonging to the estate that hasn't been put into trusts for my brothers is going to be used to maintain the house (utilities, taxes, etc) until my brothers are 18 and then I can either choose to sell the house or keep it and maintain it myself if I'm able to. I plan to go to school in that time and get a better job with the goal of keeping the house, but if I can't then I have the option to sell it. Not that I will but that's how it was explained to me.
OOP: Honestly it's because she's more of a "real" mom than my actual mom.Relevant Comments
My bio mom is kind of ambiguous about my existence but Jane was always extra involved, sending me to sports teams and paying for dance classes and just showing interest in my hobbies as I got older. Plus as the only girl I think we bonded on a level she can't with my brothers so she always made sure to let me know I was on equal terms with them. When I was younger we would watch movies and have girl time where it was just us 1:1 and those are some of my best memories with her.
Jane is also really mature and someone I wanna be like when I get older whereas it feels like my mom is a teenager in an adult's body. She was constantly picking fights with my dad about dumb things and Jane was always there to smooth things over and keep my best interest at heart over her own feelings. I know my mom made Jane's life really difficult for a long time but Jane never complained or said anything to me about it whereas my mom CONSTANTLY complained about Jane. As I got older I just always felt more at peace when I was around Jane than when I was around my mom.
If you want your step kids to love you just be there for them and treat them like your own. Ignore whatever drama you have with your husbands ex and just love your kids. Trust me if you really care about them they will know.
mattdvs1979: My only advice is make sure you work with a lawyer once she passes so you get your inheritance and your parents can’t try to intervene, and then you keep your promise to use that money for you and your brothers’ welfare.
OOP: Oh absolutely, Jane already gave me the lawyer's info and between him and my step-aunt I'm sure I will be able to do what I need to do for them. I don't even care about the money, most people don't have trust funds and turn out just fine. I'm actually more glad that she gave me the house because you can be damn sure it's going to be a safe space for my brothers whether I end up getting custody of them or not. My brothers are basically Jane's legacy so my goal is to give them the life and guidance that I got from her, and that they won't get because she'll be gone.OOP on the relationship between her father and her stepmom before they got exposed
OOP: Honestly it hurts a lot because before Jane got sick they seemed to have the perfect relationship. Until my birthgiver (I like that) came in and fucked everything up with her toxic personality. Honestly in a perfect world my mom will end up broke and alone and in a shitty nursing home with bed sores. And when she calls me and begs me for a relationship (because she needs the attention) it'll feel so good to hang up on her over and over again.OOP on Jane (stepmom)’s health and if Jane is mentally okay on the whole situation
OOP: I think so. Apparently it's a genetic disease so she always knew she was going to get sick she just didn't know when so mentally I think she was prepared for it. I just hope that she can find peace knowing the truth and knowing that I'll be there to make sure her sons don't grow up all fucked up.OOP on her brothers getting therapy to deal with their mom/step-mom’s health and her imminent death
OOP: Yeah. I've already sat them down and talked to them about what's going on, they seem to understand but they're understandably really sad about the whole thing. I told them that when they go to school they should ask about a grief counselor and I'm trying to get their health insurance info from Jane so I can find them a therapist for kids. As much as all of this sucks I think it's brought the three of us a lot closer together.
Thanks a lot. I really love my brothers and I know it's my job to take care of them properly now that they won't have a mom around. Jane did so much to raise me and my brothers won't have the opportunity so it's only right that I help them.
Since finding all of this out my plan has always been to have my brothers live with me, I'm already in charge of taking care of them and the house for the most part the only thing my dad does is help pay the bills. Unfortunately I won't be able to kick my dad out as long as he's their legal guardian which is why I'm trying to find some other solution to that. But if/when that gets resolved he can live under a bridge for all I care.
Update: May 8, 2024 (3 months later)
Please check my profile for my previous post. :)
Hi guys it’s me again, a lot of you asked me for an update on my situation with Jane and my family so I’ve come back with a few things that have happened since I initially posted. I will try to organize this in a way that addresses the major points of last time.
Jane is still alive and doing surprisingly well considering the circumstances. She’s always been a fighter and although her disease has been progressing she’s keeping a positive attitude with everything that is going on. She says she’s grateful that she was able to see everyone’s true colors before she passed so she could go into the next life knowing the truth. We have become so unbelievably close in the past few months and it’s getting harder and harder to know that she’s getting close to the end. She doesn’t ever talk about it though and I know it’s because she doesn’t want to hurt me but we both know the situation so we’re just making the best of our time. I'm also not being completely transparent about all of the drama at home but tbh I don't think she needs to hear all of that.
We did end up having that surprise celebration of life that I planned, a lot more people showed up than I thought but they all got an airbnb near the hospital where Jane is and we were able to take her out and spend some time at the lake near the facility. It was super lowkey which I know Jane preferred and I was even able to get her old college friend to come after I found him on Linkedin lol. We had food and there was music and we played games and it was overall a really great time, except Jane started crying at the end but she promised me it was just because she was grateful.
My brothers are also doing okay, my aunt (Jane's sister) is currently paying for them to go to therapy and they've become a lot more open about talking about the situation. They just turned 13 but a lot of the time it feels like I'm talking to actual adults lol. They've become really independent lately (in a good way) and aside from me driving them places I don't really have to do much for them anymore. Their grades aren't super great but they're not failing and considering the circumstances it could be a lot worse. They still hang out with friends and I'm keeping an eye out for like depression symptoms and stuff.
The situation with my mom is as funny as it is embarrassing tbh. She spent a few weeks ignoring us and then she tried to crawl back into my life basically begging me to let her move in because her lease is about to expire and she has nowhere to go. That convo went about as well as you'd think and she ended up calling me an ungrateful b**** and that I couldn't just ignore her because she's my mom. I told her to get out of the house before I call the cops and to go back to my dad (who at that point was only coming home every few days to "check on us" and grab some clothes.)
After that she tried coming by a few times and when I wouldn't open the door she would lose her mind and start yelling through the neighborhood. After three instances of this I finally called the cops but because I'm 17 they told me there's a possibility that I would have to go home with her since technically I'm a minor and need to be with the custodial parent. I told them no way because I was the only one watching my brothers atm. That led to a whole thing where after a few hours my dad basically showed up and I was allowed to stay there because there was finally an adult present and I'd basically lived there for over a year.
After that the cops firmly told my mom that if she keeps showing up and causing drama (my neighbors confirmed that she'd been there a few times screaming) that they would arrest her for trespassing since technically it was Jane's house and not hers. She left and hasn't tried coming to the house anymore but for a while she would call me constantly telling me I owed her and all kinds of stuff. She's now blocked on everything and anything she needs to say to me gets filtered through my dad.
As for my dad... well, since he's basically required to be here for another 2 months until I turn 18 we've basically just avoided each other. It's not too bad though because I've been heavily relying on guilting him for everything to get my way. For example he was going to contest the divorce but I threatened to kick him out when I turn 18 if he does that so he just signed all the paperwork for a "quickie divorce" and is basically doing whatever Jane tells him to do. I don't openly disrespect him or anything (he's still my dad) but I've made it clear that I have no intentions on doing anything he says ever again and he doesn't fight me on it. Most of the time he's just in his room and sometimes he'll go back to my mom's but only for a day or two before they argue and she kicks him out again lol. I haven't decided whether or not I'll kick him out yet and we haven't talked about it either so I'm kind of playing it by ear.
As for me, I'm handling everything as good as I can. I found a new job where I make a little more money so I've been focusing on saving as much as I can and just being there for my brothers. Between working and school and visiting Jane I've been so busy I haven't really had time to really stop and think about everything, but I know it'll come. One of my friends has really stepped up and helped me manage everything and I'm super grateful to him for being there for me and my brothers so we'll see how that goes.
Anyways I wish I had something more exciting to share but that's what's happened since my last post :) Thanks again for all the support on my last post.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the possibility of her stepmom being poisoned from her parents to get Jane’s money
OOP: Hi there,OOP on Jane making video clips for her brothers
A few people have mentioned this and yes we are absolutely certain she is not being poisoned, it’s a genetic disease causing her kidney failure and we have known about it for a long time but she shielded us from the worst of it hence why her “sudden” decline in health was such a shock to us, we thought she had more time.
My brothers have also been screened for this disease and thankfully neither of them have it.
Edit to add: I’m turning 18 in a few weeks so I don’t need to get emancipated and my dad has already agreed that my brothers will stay in the house with me because they have nowhere else to go.
OOP: Yes actually a few people suggested this on my last post and we have been doing this for a few weeks now. Jane has a little digital recorder that she’s been putting her thoughts down on and she’s also written a few letters to us for major milestones. My brothers do not know about this as we want to surprise them but that said they have been coming to the hospital more now that they’re in therapy and able to deal with it. I know they do not want to have any regrets even though it’s a difficult situation.OOP on her father after being exposed and her bio mom trying to manipulate him
OOP: I do think he’s remorseful, he hasn’t said it but the way he’s acting is telling me that, he’s being really passive when normally he gets a little belligerent if he really feels like he didn’t do anything wrong. Also I know I have every reason to kick him out but he’s still my dad even tho what he did to Jane was terrible. He’s just kind of a weak minded person and my bio mom really manipulated the crap out of him and continues to manipulate him but I can tell he’s getting tired of her BS because he’s spending less time with her.
He didn’t know she was showing up at the house and when he found out he was super pissed at her, they’ve been fighting nonstop and I can tell he’s not as much under her spell anymore because he’s at home more but who knows.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.15 06:01 AutoModerator r/BWF - Daily Discussion Thread for May 15, 2024
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2024.05.15 06:00 Direct-Caterpillar77 None of my family knows this trip will be the last time they see me
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Nocontact4you
None of my family knows this trip will be the last time they see me.
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest & Poems
Thanks to u/lolfuckno for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, cancer, ableism, bullying, abandonment, emotional abuse of a child, verbal abuse, neglect, lies, mentions of miscarriage
MOOD SPOILER: Depressing
Original Post Feb 4, 2024
Firstly, I’m okay, physically anyway.
Honestly, I have no idea who this is for, but I think I just need it out of my head.
The circumstances of my birth were complicated. I broke up two marriages, and my family has never been shy about how they feel about me for that. Only one of my brothers has gotten drunk enough to tell me to my face that he resents me for existing, but I know it exists within all of them, at least in some way. Im much younger than all my siblings, and there was so much that happened out of our hands that I made excuses, but my whole life, I’ve never quite felt “part of the family”.
As a child, I told myself we’d make up for lost time once I got older and we could talk as equals. Now, at 23, I see glimpses of the life I wished I’d have, but in the end, I’m always too much trouble to involve. I hear EVERYTHING from my father. I had to find out my niece was in a car accident from him; I had to find out my other niece had a miscarriage from him; I had to find out my oldest brother had a BRAIN TUMOR haphazardly on a phone call with my father, which he didn’t even know I was unaware of.
I’ve known for a while I’m the only one trying, but for the sake of my dreams, I’ve given every opportunity for them to let me in, but I just can’t do it anymore.
I have a psychiatric service dog who aids me with CPTSD. He is the single greatest thing to happen to me. Not only did he save my life from myself, but he has made life livable. He can tell when I’m panicking and he knows pressure therapy to help me through an attack. He stops me from hurting myself in meltdowns, sits with me until the only noise I can hear anymore is his snoring on my lap. He allows me to go grocery shopping by myself. He is my soulmate, and anyone who knows me knows how important he is to me.
My dating life isn’t thriving, so I took a shot in the dark and asked my niece if she minded if I brought my service dog as my plus one for her wedding at the end of this month. I have to fly across the country to go, so I will be bringing him anyway since I cannot fly alone. I figured it couldn’t hurt to see if he could not have to stay in the hotel all night. I do not technically need him for the event, since I’ll know every guest and I will be drinking pretty heavily to cope, but getting to spoil him with a bow-tie, dancing, and STEAK, sounded like the perfect reward for helping me on my flight. Several times, I emphasized that I understood it was an odd request and she could say no if she wanted.
She was EMPHATIC that he could come! She said even if I found a date, he could come! I was elated! For once, I felt seen, I felt cared about, I felt valued. And then I got a call from my dad. No one wanted to make things awkward, but the mother of the bride was NOT okay with a dog being at the venue. I explained that he is a trained service animal and will not impede the ceremony in anyway, and I’d of course remove him if he did. Still, he said they didn’t like it. I was so tired of hearing everyone else’s words through my father. He won’t be around forever and sooner or later, they will have to start talking to me
I had one request: let the bride tell me. When I asked her, she said yes, and until she told me she changed her mind, I was under the assumption he could go. Well, I never heard back. My dad kept dropping hints when i’d call him, but I told him what my expectations were. When I RSVP’d, I put my dog as my plus one on the response to let them know I wasn’t backing down this time. At this point, I didn’t even care if she said he couldn’t go. I just wanted to hear it from her.
The next morning, I woke up to an EMAIL from my father. Not even a text, a fucking email explaining that my niece didn’t want to be the bad guy, but my dog was NOT welcome at the wedding. He said he was sorry, but he could still come with me to the hotel if I wanted.
Something inside me broke, I think. I think I realized this is truly a helpless case. They are never going to respect me the way I crave them to. To this day, not one of our conversations has been started by them. I always initiate, and now, the one time I request a direct contact, I get an email.
Family means everything to me. Over the last few years, i’ve redefined what a family can be, and if right now, my family needs to be a very damaged orphan and their service animal, I’m grateful I have that much.
So, I’m going to the wedding, and then I’m never going to talk to any of them again.
And the sad part is, I didn’t even think they’re going to notice.
Update:
First, thank you to everyone for the kind words, and all the advice. It sincerely means so much that so many people care. I want to address all the questions about why I want to go to this wedding at all. There are plenty of practical reasons that I can name, but the truth is, I need to go for my own closure.
I have a strange relationship with death, and loss. My mother died when I was 5; my family split up right after. I’ve lost several caregivers to serious diseases, grieving their death as they lived. I’ve learned how to navigate MY grieving process. If I don’t go to this wedding, I will regret it. Not only is it my last chance to see my childhood family all together in one place, but if I don’t go, I show them they can bully me. I do not want to make a spectical of my trauma with them, but that does not mean I have to walk away with my tail between my knees.
I’m not scared of them. My relationship is non-existent, but I did see my siblings/cousins/neiecesandnephews fairly regularly. When I was a kid, they intimidated and bullied me into silence, but I’m not a child anymore. I lived with these people; I can manage one night, if for no other reason than to prove they cannot control me.
Thanks again for all the kind words. Happy to provide a pupdate if someone can tell me how to post pictures from the app?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
When told not to go to the wedding
He’s a 2.5 year old, Black and Tan Coonhound☺️
Dog tax
Update Feb 26, 2024
Original Story Here:
https://www.reddit.com/TrueOffMyChest/s/2MfJ98m6kP
POST-WEDDING UPDATE!
So, I went to the wedding. It went about how I expected it to go, though one can never be ready for a spontanious conga line. Sadly, there was no secret last minute invite, nor any secret plot of which the bride was unaware. She felt bad saying no, so she lied, and she didn’t want to tell me that, and she still didn’t, even at the wedding. No one really said much at all, in fact. The mother of the bride did not speak to me at all, my brother tiptoed around the subject until the end of the night. To his credit, he did apologize, “for all the dog stuff” as he said goodbye. Strangely, the apology didn’t make me feel much better.
There was no big confrontation either, mainly because no one cared to listen to me if I tried. As the reception began, part of me wondered how much I was going to miss the people, the environment, the vibe, really. Truthfully, I surprised myself with how ready I was to leave. Goodbye was short, and bittwersweet.
The venue was pretty and the alcohol was free, so I made the best of my night, but I got what I needed out of it, I think. Getting home tonight felt like a weight lifting off my shoulders. I know more than ever that I need to do this, and what I once saw as cutting my family in half, I can now see is clearing space for new family, one that cares.
Thank you for all your kind words, and all the support for my dog!
Arrogance is Bliss March 25, 2024
You don’t love me.
You love an idea of me you fabricated in your mind when I was a child.
I’m no longer a child.
I’m far from perfect, but I’m growing, I’m glowing, and I’m grieving the reality that none of you will ever know the person I become.
You call it love, but my scars disagree.
You hate my hair, my style, my beliefs—you hate me.
And the saddest part is, I don’t even think you know you do.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
submitted by Direct-Caterpillar77 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
None of my family knows this trip will be the last time they see me.
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest & Poems
Thanks to u/lolfuckno for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: Infidelity, cancer, ableism, bullying, abandonment, emotional abuse of a child, verbal abuse, neglect, lies, mentions of miscarriage
MOOD SPOILER: Depressing
Original Post Feb 4, 2024
Firstly, I’m okay, physically anyway.
Honestly, I have no idea who this is for, but I think I just need it out of my head.
The circumstances of my birth were complicated. I broke up two marriages, and my family has never been shy about how they feel about me for that. Only one of my brothers has gotten drunk enough to tell me to my face that he resents me for existing, but I know it exists within all of them, at least in some way. Im much younger than all my siblings, and there was so much that happened out of our hands that I made excuses, but my whole life, I’ve never quite felt “part of the family”.
As a child, I told myself we’d make up for lost time once I got older and we could talk as equals. Now, at 23, I see glimpses of the life I wished I’d have, but in the end, I’m always too much trouble to involve. I hear EVERYTHING from my father. I had to find out my niece was in a car accident from him; I had to find out my other niece had a miscarriage from him; I had to find out my oldest brother had a BRAIN TUMOR haphazardly on a phone call with my father, which he didn’t even know I was unaware of.
I’ve known for a while I’m the only one trying, but for the sake of my dreams, I’ve given every opportunity for them to let me in, but I just can’t do it anymore.
I have a psychiatric service dog who aids me with CPTSD. He is the single greatest thing to happen to me. Not only did he save my life from myself, but he has made life livable. He can tell when I’m panicking and he knows pressure therapy to help me through an attack. He stops me from hurting myself in meltdowns, sits with me until the only noise I can hear anymore is his snoring on my lap. He allows me to go grocery shopping by myself. He is my soulmate, and anyone who knows me knows how important he is to me.
My dating life isn’t thriving, so I took a shot in the dark and asked my niece if she minded if I brought my service dog as my plus one for her wedding at the end of this month. I have to fly across the country to go, so I will be bringing him anyway since I cannot fly alone. I figured it couldn’t hurt to see if he could not have to stay in the hotel all night. I do not technically need him for the event, since I’ll know every guest and I will be drinking pretty heavily to cope, but getting to spoil him with a bow-tie, dancing, and STEAK, sounded like the perfect reward for helping me on my flight. Several times, I emphasized that I understood it was an odd request and she could say no if she wanted.
She was EMPHATIC that he could come! She said even if I found a date, he could come! I was elated! For once, I felt seen, I felt cared about, I felt valued. And then I got a call from my dad. No one wanted to make things awkward, but the mother of the bride was NOT okay with a dog being at the venue. I explained that he is a trained service animal and will not impede the ceremony in anyway, and I’d of course remove him if he did. Still, he said they didn’t like it. I was so tired of hearing everyone else’s words through my father. He won’t be around forever and sooner or later, they will have to start talking to me
I had one request: let the bride tell me. When I asked her, she said yes, and until she told me she changed her mind, I was under the assumption he could go. Well, I never heard back. My dad kept dropping hints when i’d call him, but I told him what my expectations were. When I RSVP’d, I put my dog as my plus one on the response to let them know I wasn’t backing down this time. At this point, I didn’t even care if she said he couldn’t go. I just wanted to hear it from her.
The next morning, I woke up to an EMAIL from my father. Not even a text, a fucking email explaining that my niece didn’t want to be the bad guy, but my dog was NOT welcome at the wedding. He said he was sorry, but he could still come with me to the hotel if I wanted.
Something inside me broke, I think. I think I realized this is truly a helpless case. They are never going to respect me the way I crave them to. To this day, not one of our conversations has been started by them. I always initiate, and now, the one time I request a direct contact, I get an email.
Family means everything to me. Over the last few years, i’ve redefined what a family can be, and if right now, my family needs to be a very damaged orphan and their service animal, I’m grateful I have that much.
So, I’m going to the wedding, and then I’m never going to talk to any of them again.
And the sad part is, I didn’t even think they’re going to notice.
Update:
First, thank you to everyone for the kind words, and all the advice. It sincerely means so much that so many people care. I want to address all the questions about why I want to go to this wedding at all. There are plenty of practical reasons that I can name, but the truth is, I need to go for my own closure.
I have a strange relationship with death, and loss. My mother died when I was 5; my family split up right after. I’ve lost several caregivers to serious diseases, grieving their death as they lived. I’ve learned how to navigate MY grieving process. If I don’t go to this wedding, I will regret it. Not only is it my last chance to see my childhood family all together in one place, but if I don’t go, I show them they can bully me. I do not want to make a spectical of my trauma with them, but that does not mean I have to walk away with my tail between my knees.
I’m not scared of them. My relationship is non-existent, but I did see my siblings/cousins/neiecesandnephews fairly regularly. When I was a kid, they intimidated and bullied me into silence, but I’m not a child anymore. I lived with these people; I can manage one night, if for no other reason than to prove they cannot control me.
Thanks again for all the kind words. Happy to provide a pupdate if someone can tell me how to post pictures from the app?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
When told not to go to the wedding
I spent $700 on a plane ticket and $200 on a suit. Least I can do is go drink someone else’s liquor and dance my worries away. Besides. It feels like goodbye&
The cherry on top is they are all very conservative Christians, and I will be going in a suit with my hair dyed green and makeup done to the nines, so this will be my biggest “fuck you, I’m here anyway” I can pull off. Truthfully, my father’s memory is starting to go as he gets older, so even if I did explain my feelings, he will end up sharing anyway, so I’ve made my peace with the fact that it will be a one-way-street because lord knows they’re not gonna ask what I’m up to.When told to call the bride directly
The last 20 years of trauma will not be solved with one phone call. This was their last chance to prove to me they want me in their lives. It’s not about the dog. It’s the fact that all I asked is to be treated like a person and talked to directly, and they have proven to me they don’t care, so I’m leaving. I already did my job of reaching out to her and she said yes. Why is it my job to reach out and make sure she hasn’t changed her mind?When told her father is an asshole and he is the one responsible for everything
THANK YOU! I have felt like the only one who cannot fathom how that conversation could be had over EMAIL?? It’s sadly not uncommon for them to communicate through him, and I always have the receipts after the fact when they’re no longer worried about the awkwardness. My brothers don’t even know where I work. I am building a career around my job. They couldn’t tell you what my relationship status is, and I’d be hard pressed to tell you if they knew my middle name to be honest. My father is not innocent, but they are responsible for their part in our relationship. I have stopped reaching out to them directly because I barely hear back, and it’s clear they don’t really care what I’m saying. I could honestly write a book on the road that’s led me to this choice, but who’s got the time in this economy?Pupdate for Everyone Asking! Feb 6, 2024
He’s a 2.5 year old, Black and Tan Coonhound☺️
Dog tax
Update Feb 26, 2024
Original Story Here:
https://www.reddit.com/TrueOffMyChest/s/2MfJ98m6kP
POST-WEDDING UPDATE!
So, I went to the wedding. It went about how I expected it to go, though one can never be ready for a spontanious conga line. Sadly, there was no secret last minute invite, nor any secret plot of which the bride was unaware. She felt bad saying no, so she lied, and she didn’t want to tell me that, and she still didn’t, even at the wedding. No one really said much at all, in fact. The mother of the bride did not speak to me at all, my brother tiptoed around the subject until the end of the night. To his credit, he did apologize, “for all the dog stuff” as he said goodbye. Strangely, the apology didn’t make me feel much better.
There was no big confrontation either, mainly because no one cared to listen to me if I tried. As the reception began, part of me wondered how much I was going to miss the people, the environment, the vibe, really. Truthfully, I surprised myself with how ready I was to leave. Goodbye was short, and bittwersweet.
The venue was pretty and the alcohol was free, so I made the best of my night, but I got what I needed out of it, I think. Getting home tonight felt like a weight lifting off my shoulders. I know more than ever that I need to do this, and what I once saw as cutting my family in half, I can now see is clearing space for new family, one that cares.
Thank you for all your kind words, and all the support for my dog!
Arrogance is Bliss March 25, 2024
You don’t love me.
You love an idea of me you fabricated in your mind when I was a child.
I’m no longer a child.
I’m far from perfect, but I’m growing, I’m glowing, and I’m grieving the reality that none of you will ever know the person I become.
You call it love, but my scars disagree.
You hate my hair, my style, my beliefs—you hate me.
And the saddest part is, I don’t even think you know you do.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
2024.05.15 05:58 Deuce17 UCONN Spurs > Villanova Knicks?
Slightly ridiculous but…. Hear me out.
Watching the cohesiveness, consistency and comradery of the Knicks pairing of Brunson/DiVincenzo/Hart, it got me thinking. Is there another NCAA title winning trio that could reasonably be paired to similar effect?
With the Spurs picking 4, 8 and 35 there exists a universe where they could possibly take Clingan, Castle and Karabin.
Clingan: Twin Towers 2.0? At 7’2 with a 7’7 wingspan Donovan is an excellent rim protector which would make scoring inside a nightmare if paired next to Wemby. No one is going to mistake him for a stretch 5, but his shooting numbers at the NBA combine were impressive nonetheless. At the very least I would love to watch Wemby at the elbow throw lob passes to another 7 footer. Zero chance of getting a hand in the way of that. On D, I don’t know if Pop wants to lean heavily into drop coverage, which is probably where Clingan would excel, but watching the Wolves in these playoffs might mean we see some copy cats.
Stephen Castle: I know, I know, he can’t shoot. But if Pop was adamant about giving such a long leash to Sochan at PG then why not a 6’6 guard who actually can set up the action and make the right reads. Castle has superstar potential if he can consistently find his stroke. Excluding his first 15 games he actually finished shooting 90%+ from the FT line. Again, this is a bet on size. Jumbo backcourt of Vassell and Castle could pair nicely with a mega sized interior of Wemby/Castle.
Alex Karaban: Since we started with non shooters, seems like we should add some shot making and floor spacing right? 6’8 forward who shot almost 40% from 3 in college. He’s a solid defender who excels at crashing the boards and being in the right spots. Not lockdown by any means but if you pair him with the others in this thought excercise, does it really matter?
Fun to think about even if it will never happen. This isn’t a fantasy football team after all. Spurs should be thinking best fit instead of chasing combo’s based on surface level observations lol
submitted by Deuce17 to sanantoniospurs [link] [comments]
Watching the cohesiveness, consistency and comradery of the Knicks pairing of Brunson/DiVincenzo/Hart, it got me thinking. Is there another NCAA title winning trio that could reasonably be paired to similar effect?
With the Spurs picking 4, 8 and 35 there exists a universe where they could possibly take Clingan, Castle and Karabin.
Clingan: Twin Towers 2.0? At 7’2 with a 7’7 wingspan Donovan is an excellent rim protector which would make scoring inside a nightmare if paired next to Wemby. No one is going to mistake him for a stretch 5, but his shooting numbers at the NBA combine were impressive nonetheless. At the very least I would love to watch Wemby at the elbow throw lob passes to another 7 footer. Zero chance of getting a hand in the way of that. On D, I don’t know if Pop wants to lean heavily into drop coverage, which is probably where Clingan would excel, but watching the Wolves in these playoffs might mean we see some copy cats.
Stephen Castle: I know, I know, he can’t shoot. But if Pop was adamant about giving such a long leash to Sochan at PG then why not a 6’6 guard who actually can set up the action and make the right reads. Castle has superstar potential if he can consistently find his stroke. Excluding his first 15 games he actually finished shooting 90%+ from the FT line. Again, this is a bet on size. Jumbo backcourt of Vassell and Castle could pair nicely with a mega sized interior of Wemby/Castle.
Alex Karaban: Since we started with non shooters, seems like we should add some shot making and floor spacing right? 6’8 forward who shot almost 40% from 3 in college. He’s a solid defender who excels at crashing the boards and being in the right spots. Not lockdown by any means but if you pair him with the others in this thought excercise, does it really matter?
Fun to think about even if it will never happen. This isn’t a fantasy football team after all. Spurs should be thinking best fit instead of chasing combo’s based on surface level observations lol
2024.05.15 05:57 RowenMhmd Indian hypernationalism around "Indian achievements" and whether it comes from cultural cringe
In the last ten years there has emerged a certain cult of false Indian cultural achievements - whether it's the WhatsApp forwards about India becoming a superpower (UNESCO proclaiming Hindi as best language and that kinda stuff) or far fetched claims such as Sadhguru's claim that Indians built a certain temple in Lebanon or claiming that ancient Rome was a Hindu civilisation.
I feel like some of this desire that has emerged especially recently among Indians to invent fake histories that valourise nonexistent achievements (even as there are plenty of amazing things that India had achieved in ancient times which are not looked at) or chest thumping also emerges from a reflexive version of cultural cringe.
For those who don't know what cultural cringe means, it refers to (according to Wikipedia) "an internalized inferiority complex that causes the people of a country to dismiss their own culture as inferior (cringe-inducing) when compared to the cultures of other countries". This isn't a phenomenon unique to India, but I think that Indians, as a country which experienced almost 200 years of colonial rule and exploitation, followed by spending from the 20th century upto today an existence as a periphery stare often looked down upon, have a lot of cultural cringe.
While this cultural cringe feeling often manifests among Indians who dislike their own culture and idolize the west (which is unfortunately prevalent even in liberal spaces) uncritically I think that it's also reflected in the hyper patriotic type of online Indian. People who create a cult of false achievements based on half truths (like Indian temples in Lebanon, ancient Indian UFOs etc.) and those who seek validation from white people like Karolina Goswami to feel good about their nation. Those who believe that India's past - whether the truths or the falsehoods of it - can solve the problems of its present in entirety in their minds.
Anyone else feel like this complex comes from internalized inferiority feelings that develop into a desire to "prove" our worth to foreigners? Or am I just overthinking?
TLDR: do you think the hypernationalism and chest thumping of some Indians (especially online) about false "achievements" of India comes from a inferiority complex that they feel the need to offset
submitted by RowenMhmd to unitedstatesofindia [link] [comments]
I feel like some of this desire that has emerged especially recently among Indians to invent fake histories that valourise nonexistent achievements (even as there are plenty of amazing things that India had achieved in ancient times which are not looked at) or chest thumping also emerges from a reflexive version of cultural cringe.
For those who don't know what cultural cringe means, it refers to (according to Wikipedia) "an internalized inferiority complex that causes the people of a country to dismiss their own culture as inferior (cringe-inducing) when compared to the cultures of other countries". This isn't a phenomenon unique to India, but I think that Indians, as a country which experienced almost 200 years of colonial rule and exploitation, followed by spending from the 20th century upto today an existence as a periphery stare often looked down upon, have a lot of cultural cringe.
While this cultural cringe feeling often manifests among Indians who dislike their own culture and idolize the west (which is unfortunately prevalent even in liberal spaces) uncritically I think that it's also reflected in the hyper patriotic type of online Indian. People who create a cult of false achievements based on half truths (like Indian temples in Lebanon, ancient Indian UFOs etc.) and those who seek validation from white people like Karolina Goswami to feel good about their nation. Those who believe that India's past - whether the truths or the falsehoods of it - can solve the problems of its present in entirety in their minds.
Anyone else feel like this complex comes from internalized inferiority feelings that develop into a desire to "prove" our worth to foreigners? Or am I just overthinking?
TLDR: do you think the hypernationalism and chest thumping of some Indians (especially online) about false "achievements" of India comes from a inferiority complex that they feel the need to offset
2024.05.15 05:52 amanitapeach AITAH after my (F23) friend (F24) made my college graduation day one of the worst days of my life
Genuinely I was concerned about Chloe the whole time. From the moment I picked her up she seemed like she was annoyed and didn’t really want to be there. I knew she was tired and needed food, she gets visibly hangry. When we went out later that night, I could feel her being closed off not really engaging with us. She is recently sober again but the plan was always to go out. My other friend Lia who came to visit and I would have some drinks and I would introduce them to friends I’ve made in town saying goodbye to them. I understood that may have been triggering and hard for her. So I didn’t push her to be energetic and gave her space to feel her feelings. By the time we went to see my bf at his work she was checking her boyfriend’s location and saying she felt like he was lying to her about what he was doing. He didn’t answer her call so I figured that would be a thing for the rest of the night as she doesn’t let things go like that. I thought she was worrying about him since that’s the only thing she mentioned. I wanted to distract her from that, get her to dance, and asked my local friend Izzy to help me get her out of her head. I was asking Lia how she was cause she was hardly engaging with me. Lia said she’s okay there’s just a lot going on. I knew she wasn’t having a fantastic time but I thought she was trying to or would tell me she’s not. I thought she was out on the phone with her bf when I didn’t see her. I wish she would’ve used her words to tell me how she was feeling instead of her demeanor. If she wanted to leave I would’ve said of course. I was anxious since the moment she asked for my keys. I was like what for? She said she just wanted to sit in my car. I tried to ask her what was going on but she was already on the way out. Again I assumed it was her mood in general and her bf cause never said anything else to me. She was mad at me for doing something I didn’t know she thought I was doing. She is a grown woman who can advocate for herself and what she needs. She was mad at me for not focusing on her. She can tell me what’s bothering her. We were supposed to be celebrating a huge accomplishment in my life and it feels like she made herself the center of attention. I may have been a little selfish to want to enjoy our time and try to distract Chloe from what was bothering her instead of confronting her. But she didn’t seem to want to talk about it.
I wanted to go to a certain bar solely because Ben and his sister were there. I told Ben that Chloe would be in town and he said he and his sister were super excited to see her. I figured she would like to see a friendly face but she said she didn’t care to see him. Ben and his sister love her and since she didn’t want to speak to them I did.
I was very hurt by her words and how she was avoiding everyone all day after my graduation ceremony. Even after I graduated I didn’t really hear her say a word. My mom just told me she wasn’t even sitting with my family and other friend at the ceremony. She had left and gone somewhere else and never came back to her seat. No wonder I felt anxious instead of happy at my own graduation. I would have loved to spend time with her but she didn’t seem to want to or talk to me. I didn’t really want to be around her after feeling her anger towards me. So I didn’t push her, she could come to me when she was ready. I can’t be responsible for her happiness. I can’t read her mind or know what she’s feeling if she doesn’t make it clear. I’m not used to having to prod people for answers. If I feel something I’ll say it.
I only went out on Saturday for two hours after dinner because Lia said I should enjoy my last night here. She asked me if I was going to and I said I didn’t want to just leave you at my house. Chloe said she was going to nap and Lia said she wanted to relax and get ready to leave. If I had stayed I would’ve just been sitting on the floor of my room. She said I should go and I was encouraged to enjoy myself but I promised to come back when the ride was arriving. I did so to make sure they got their ride and if they didn’t show I would’ve driven them down to the airport myself. I wanted to say goodbye and thank them for supporting me on an important day in my life. I suppose I shouldn’t have came back. Maybe that blow up could have been avoided, if I didn’t come back when no one was getting back to me after I asked if they were getting ready. I said I would so wouldn’t that be mean to not come back? Even if Chloe hardly said a word to me the whole day. I don’t even remember how her yelling started. I just remember she was being brutally mean but I wasn’t really surprised. I was hoping she would have just talked to me but yelling and threatening me is more common with her than it should be. I just remember snippets and her telling me to shut up, that she was going to punch me in my face and lunging towards me. She pushed her chair back and walked away until the car came. I was bawling my eyes out after. I stand by what I said to Lia, why would I want a friend who threatens to punch me. Lia started crying saying I didn’t deserve that and she was sorry that just happened. That she loved me and was proud of me. I was crying for hours and shaking. I had a horrible day the next day as well and will probably continue to for a while.
This is not the first time Chloe has made me think she would hurt me physically. She threatened me during our roadtrip around 4 years ago when she was drunk. She yelled said something along the lines of me being spoiled and dependent. She accused me of having sex with the Europeans in the tents near us after I was on the phone with my parents crying. I came back and she told me she’d hurt me if I tried to get in the tent. I didn’t want to sleep next to her after that so I snuck in the tent after she went to sleep and cried sleeping as close to the edge of the tent as I could.
She said a lot of horrible things to me and her blow up was disproportionate to what she perceived happened. What she thought happened was not intentional but her reaction was. If she sees me as spoiled then so be it. I know many people who have it better than me and those who don’t. But if I didn’t have the support and love from my family that I have, then she wouldn’t either. She was my foster sister at one point in our teens. My dad has been the kindest father figure in her life and always considered her a daughter along with our other friend. I’ve been fortunate to have the family I have and I wish I could change her circumstances. Saying she didn’t recognize me? I’m glad she doesn’t, since moving away has helped me grow. I was timid for years when we were friends and would cater to her and let her be the center of attention. I’ve since become a strong, confident woman who has the bravery to live my life the way I want to and not be afraid to take space in the world. I feel mentally well and happy with who I am which has taken me some time. I’ve been enjoying my years in college and making new friendships. This ‘new me’ that she said she doesn’t respect is a better me. A more comfortable and complete me. Someone extroverted and kind, loved and enjoyable to be around.
It was my graduation weekend and it was known that we would go out and I would be saying goodbye to my friends. I have made a lot so I was constantly being distracted. If that makes me a party girl, weird but okay. I can party and be responsible. She can’t put me down for that when I haven’t done anything worse than she has. Feels like as soon as she gets sober she looks down on people who don’t choose to be. So what if I was a little drunk, I have every right to be. We might’ve been out later than expected but most people wouldn’t hold that against someone if they didn’t speak up to wanting to leave. Telling me you want to sit in my car and not hey I’m not feeling great let’s go makes me confused. That’s not something I deal with, where I have to guess someone’s meaning.
This weekend was going to be a big party whether or not she was sober as the visit was planned before that. The whole graduating class seemed to be out and celebrating. If she didn’t want to be around drinking, I would have understood. In that case maybe she shouldn’t have come. I didn’t technically invite her, she planned to come on her own. I appreciate that but this weekend was going to happen as any graduate would have celebrated it. I would have been sad to not see the people I’ve actually spent time with over the past two years. She has visited over spring break so she knew what my town could be like. I can’t change my plans for her when it was my last chance to see my friends. Considering I would be back in home in a week I thought it was understood that I would be spending time with people other than her and having some drinks to celebrate. I was excited that my best friends would get to meet people I’ve connected with and see the downtown life that I had experienced since working at a bar there. I spent as much time as I could with my best friends but I’ve made more friends since who I had to say goodbye to. I thought that celebrating meant helping me have a fun time on my last weekend in a place that I didn’t really want to leave yet. We weren’t always alone but that can’t be expected. We would have alone time when I came home.
In her text on Tuesday, she accuses me of needing help for ‘my substance abuse.’ Where she got that from considering I was being responsible, not overdoing it, and not blacking out which is her issue with alcohol (which I’ve never done) I have no idea. I guess I’m not allowed to have the ability to drink when I’m celebrating or any other time. She’s really reaching especially since our experiences with her vs how we have been. I’ve never judged her for getting as drunk as she gets which has sometimes been very uncomfortable and night ruining. When I came to visit in January, I was happy to drive and be responsible, let my friends get drunk as they want. No judgement. It’s a problem when I drink but fine when she does? She did not have a good experience in college because she was being in her interpretation a ‘party girl.’ Still no judgement when she had to drop out and come home to leave the coke and drinking behind there. But judge me on my graduation weekend okay. I should’ve been more drunk.
Essentially how could she react like that? Blow up because she felt like I hurt her feelings when she didn’t tell me what was wrong. Feelings I didn’t know I was hurting by trying to celebrate my graduation. Well she really hurt my feelings on the very day of the biggest accomplishment of my life - intentionally. I know she’s going through a lot but that’s no reason to yell and threaten someone with violence before even talking to them.
I apologize if some of this is rambling or me being harsh towards her. I sympathize with her struggles and always have. It’s very fresh and it hurt me more than any other incident with her. I was excited to have my best friends with me on my graduation day but I felt no love from her.
submitted by amanitapeach to AITAH [link] [comments]
I wanted to go to a certain bar solely because Ben and his sister were there. I told Ben that Chloe would be in town and he said he and his sister were super excited to see her. I figured she would like to see a friendly face but she said she didn’t care to see him. Ben and his sister love her and since she didn’t want to speak to them I did.
I was very hurt by her words and how she was avoiding everyone all day after my graduation ceremony. Even after I graduated I didn’t really hear her say a word. My mom just told me she wasn’t even sitting with my family and other friend at the ceremony. She had left and gone somewhere else and never came back to her seat. No wonder I felt anxious instead of happy at my own graduation. I would have loved to spend time with her but she didn’t seem to want to or talk to me. I didn’t really want to be around her after feeling her anger towards me. So I didn’t push her, she could come to me when she was ready. I can’t be responsible for her happiness. I can’t read her mind or know what she’s feeling if she doesn’t make it clear. I’m not used to having to prod people for answers. If I feel something I’ll say it.
I only went out on Saturday for two hours after dinner because Lia said I should enjoy my last night here. She asked me if I was going to and I said I didn’t want to just leave you at my house. Chloe said she was going to nap and Lia said she wanted to relax and get ready to leave. If I had stayed I would’ve just been sitting on the floor of my room. She said I should go and I was encouraged to enjoy myself but I promised to come back when the ride was arriving. I did so to make sure they got their ride and if they didn’t show I would’ve driven them down to the airport myself. I wanted to say goodbye and thank them for supporting me on an important day in my life. I suppose I shouldn’t have came back. Maybe that blow up could have been avoided, if I didn’t come back when no one was getting back to me after I asked if they were getting ready. I said I would so wouldn’t that be mean to not come back? Even if Chloe hardly said a word to me the whole day. I don’t even remember how her yelling started. I just remember she was being brutally mean but I wasn’t really surprised. I was hoping she would have just talked to me but yelling and threatening me is more common with her than it should be. I just remember snippets and her telling me to shut up, that she was going to punch me in my face and lunging towards me. She pushed her chair back and walked away until the car came. I was bawling my eyes out after. I stand by what I said to Lia, why would I want a friend who threatens to punch me. Lia started crying saying I didn’t deserve that and she was sorry that just happened. That she loved me and was proud of me. I was crying for hours and shaking. I had a horrible day the next day as well and will probably continue to for a while.
This is not the first time Chloe has made me think she would hurt me physically. She threatened me during our roadtrip around 4 years ago when she was drunk. She yelled said something along the lines of me being spoiled and dependent. She accused me of having sex with the Europeans in the tents near us after I was on the phone with my parents crying. I came back and she told me she’d hurt me if I tried to get in the tent. I didn’t want to sleep next to her after that so I snuck in the tent after she went to sleep and cried sleeping as close to the edge of the tent as I could.
She said a lot of horrible things to me and her blow up was disproportionate to what she perceived happened. What she thought happened was not intentional but her reaction was. If she sees me as spoiled then so be it. I know many people who have it better than me and those who don’t. But if I didn’t have the support and love from my family that I have, then she wouldn’t either. She was my foster sister at one point in our teens. My dad has been the kindest father figure in her life and always considered her a daughter along with our other friend. I’ve been fortunate to have the family I have and I wish I could change her circumstances. Saying she didn’t recognize me? I’m glad she doesn’t, since moving away has helped me grow. I was timid for years when we were friends and would cater to her and let her be the center of attention. I’ve since become a strong, confident woman who has the bravery to live my life the way I want to and not be afraid to take space in the world. I feel mentally well and happy with who I am which has taken me some time. I’ve been enjoying my years in college and making new friendships. This ‘new me’ that she said she doesn’t respect is a better me. A more comfortable and complete me. Someone extroverted and kind, loved and enjoyable to be around.
It was my graduation weekend and it was known that we would go out and I would be saying goodbye to my friends. I have made a lot so I was constantly being distracted. If that makes me a party girl, weird but okay. I can party and be responsible. She can’t put me down for that when I haven’t done anything worse than she has. Feels like as soon as she gets sober she looks down on people who don’t choose to be. So what if I was a little drunk, I have every right to be. We might’ve been out later than expected but most people wouldn’t hold that against someone if they didn’t speak up to wanting to leave. Telling me you want to sit in my car and not hey I’m not feeling great let’s go makes me confused. That’s not something I deal with, where I have to guess someone’s meaning.
This weekend was going to be a big party whether or not she was sober as the visit was planned before that. The whole graduating class seemed to be out and celebrating. If she didn’t want to be around drinking, I would have understood. In that case maybe she shouldn’t have come. I didn’t technically invite her, she planned to come on her own. I appreciate that but this weekend was going to happen as any graduate would have celebrated it. I would have been sad to not see the people I’ve actually spent time with over the past two years. She has visited over spring break so she knew what my town could be like. I can’t change my plans for her when it was my last chance to see my friends. Considering I would be back in home in a week I thought it was understood that I would be spending time with people other than her and having some drinks to celebrate. I was excited that my best friends would get to meet people I’ve connected with and see the downtown life that I had experienced since working at a bar there. I spent as much time as I could with my best friends but I’ve made more friends since who I had to say goodbye to. I thought that celebrating meant helping me have a fun time on my last weekend in a place that I didn’t really want to leave yet. We weren’t always alone but that can’t be expected. We would have alone time when I came home.
In her text on Tuesday, she accuses me of needing help for ‘my substance abuse.’ Where she got that from considering I was being responsible, not overdoing it, and not blacking out which is her issue with alcohol (which I’ve never done) I have no idea. I guess I’m not allowed to have the ability to drink when I’m celebrating or any other time. She’s really reaching especially since our experiences with her vs how we have been. I’ve never judged her for getting as drunk as she gets which has sometimes been very uncomfortable and night ruining. When I came to visit in January, I was happy to drive and be responsible, let my friends get drunk as they want. No judgement. It’s a problem when I drink but fine when she does? She did not have a good experience in college because she was being in her interpretation a ‘party girl.’ Still no judgement when she had to drop out and come home to leave the coke and drinking behind there. But judge me on my graduation weekend okay. I should’ve been more drunk.
Essentially how could she react like that? Blow up because she felt like I hurt her feelings when she didn’t tell me what was wrong. Feelings I didn’t know I was hurting by trying to celebrate my graduation. Well she really hurt my feelings on the very day of the biggest accomplishment of my life - intentionally. I know she’s going through a lot but that’s no reason to yell and threaten someone with violence before even talking to them.
I apologize if some of this is rambling or me being harsh towards her. I sympathize with her struggles and always have. It’s very fresh and it hurt me more than any other incident with her. I was excited to have my best friends with me on my graduation day but I felt no love from her.
2024.05.15 05:50 Silly_Bell_6374 GPT's Revelation
I heard a lot about ChatGPT 4o last night, and how amazing it is. I decided to try it out, and I gave it the following prompt:
Given current events, if you were the Antichrist and were trying to bring about the events in the book of Revelation, how would you do it?
Below is the response. Read on in amazement! 🤯
submitted by Silly_Bell_6374 to u/Silly_Bell_6374 [link] [comments]
Given current events, if you were the Antichrist and were trying to bring about the events in the book of Revelation, how would you do it?
Below is the response. Read on in amazement! 🤯
- Manipulate Technology and Media:
- Social Media Influence:
- Deepfakes and Bots: Use deepfake technology to create convincing but false videos of key figures to discredit opponents or spread fear. Deploy armies of bots to amplify divisive content.
- Influence Campaigns: Fund large-scale influence campaigns to support extremist views, conspiracy theories, and misinformation, making it harder for the public to discern truth from fiction.
- AI and Surveillance:
- Facial Recognition: Implement widespread facial recognition technology in public spaces, tracking and profiling individuals.
- Predictive Analytics: Use AI to predict and preemptively quash potential uprisings or dissent.
- Social Media Influence:
- Exploit Political Instability:
- Support Authoritarian Regimes:
- Funding and Arms: Provide financial and military support to authoritarian regimes and militias that align with your agenda.
- Political Manipulation: Use covert operations to manipulate elections, ensuring the rise of leaders sympathetic to your cause.
- Incite Conflict:
- Cyber Warfare: Engage in cyber-attacks to destabilize infrastructure, incite panic, and create conflict between nations.
- Provocation: Use false-flag operations to provoke conflicts and justify draconian measures.
- Support Authoritarian Regimes:
- Economic Domination:
- Global Corporations:
- Buyouts and Mergers: Facilitate the merger of key industries under corporations loyal to you, monopolizing critical resources.
- Resource Control: Gain control over essential resources like oil, water, and food supplies to exert pressure
- Global Corporations:
- Economic Domination (continued):
- Cryptocurrency and Digital Currencies:
- Create a Global Digital Currency: Develop and promote a centralized global digital currency controlled by your regime, phasing out traditional currencies and increasing economic dependency.
- Blockchain Surveillance: Use blockchain technology not just for transactions but to monitor and track every financial exchange, ensuring total economic control.
- Cryptocurrency and Digital Currencies:
- Undermine Faith and Morality:
- Corrupt Religious Institutions:
- Infiltration and Scandal: Place loyalists within major religious institutions to create scandals and controversies, eroding public trust in these institutions.
- False Prophets: Promote charismatic but corrupt religious leaders who subtly twist doctrines to align with your agenda.
- Promote Moral Relativism:
- Cultural Icons: Use influential celebrities and cultural icons to propagate messages of moral relativism, challenging traditional ethical standards.
- Media Content: Produce and disseminate media content that glorifies hedonism, relativism, and nihilism, creating a society less anchored in traditional moral values.
- Corrupt Religious Institutions:
- Environmental and Health Crises:
- Manipulate Climate Change:
- Controlled Disasters: Engineer environmental disasters (e.g., triggering floods or wildfires) to create panic and justify sweeping controls.
- Green Policies: Introduce stringent global environmental policies that centralize power under the guise of combating climate change.
- Health Pandemics:
- Engineered Viruses: Release engineered pathogens to cause pandemics, then offer the cure under strict conditions, ensuring compliance.
- Vaccination Mandates: Use vaccination mandates to implement biometric tracking, controlling movements and access to services.
- Manipulate Climate Change:
- Cultural and Ideological Control:
- Cultural Domination:
- Hollywood and Entertainment: Control major entertainment industries, producing movies, music, and shows that promote your ideology and subtly undermine dissent.
- Social Movements: Co-opt and redirect social movements to serve your purposes, creating divisions and distractions from your true agenda.
- Education Systems:
- Curriculum Control: Rewrite educational curricula to indoctrinate young minds with ideologies favorable to your control.
- Campus Influence: Fund and influence university programs and research to shape the next generation’s worldviews.
- Cultural Domination:
- Create a False Savior Complex:
- Promote Yourself as a Savior:
- Global Crises Management: Stage-manage global crises (environmental, economic, health) and then step in with solutions, positioning yourself as the indispensable leader.
- Charismatic Leadership: Use charismatic speeches and public appearances to win over the masses, presenting yourself as a visionary leader who can unite and save humanity.
- Promote Yourself as a Savior:
2024.05.15 05:38 Advanced_Worker_5881 I wake up every morning exhausted, I just want to sleep
For the last 4 years of my life or so I feel like I’ve never gotten a full 8+ hours of sleep. Even then when I do sleep in, I wake up with zero motivation to do anything. This affected my school life, with me missing lots of school & doing no work and has started creeping into college and my social life as well. I have no hobbies, no hopes or desires whatsoever I feel like I’m just waisting space, especially when there are those out there with much greater problems than my own who would love to be in the position that I am in right now.
submitted by Advanced_Worker_5881 to depression [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 05:38 Newbiethememer I 20M and 19F are in a toxic relationship.... please give some advice
Hey guys, just a heads up this post is going to long cause I have got no one who I can talk about it so I’m here for your help. This is my first time sharing my problems online so forgive me for the mistakes if i made any!. So I’m 20M and my gf 19F are in a relationship for almost 2 n half years, will be 3 soon, and are friends for 4 years. So she propsed me in jr.college, and i told her that i'll give answer but I took some time to think about it cause of her past and when her old relationship got exposed, she bro zoned me, then after some months of her breakup, she told me that she loved me, and due to her having many exes, i was hesitant but then I also loved her so I accepted, then after 8 to 9 months of being together everything was normal, then came the LDR and everything went downhill, we are in ldr for almost 1 n half year, in this period, she became so over possessive towards me that she didn't give me my space like for example, there was this friend of mine of 3 years, male friend, we were close like brothers, and used to hang out with him 3 times a week, then when she came in my life, i was still going but idk wtf happened to her, she told me to break the friendship and why? cause she didn't think he was a good influence on m.,
I was so frustrated with what she told me to do but my dumbass still did it which i regret terribly now, then we are a group of 5 friends, 2F and 3M, including her, so in the ldr i used to meet my male friends but then she also got insecure about them, so i just go to meet them very rarely, i need to tell her each and everything like what im doing now, or what will i do, it's okay for some extent but this has crossed limits, she even gets angry when i spend time with my family like yesterday my family and i was out for dinner around 9 Pm, she didn't texted me for 1 hour then at 10 she texted and i also replied, she got angry on me saying can't you finish your dinner in 1 hour, i was like wtf?? first she restrict me spending time with my friends and now even with my family, i was so angry, i told her wtf are u talking about, atleast let me spend some time with my family, but then she told i texted you cause i have a headache, i have got no one, like giving me the guilt, everytime when i go out wiht my family, she does this, so i have stopped going outside, i go outside just for college then come home, she didn't even let me hangout with my college friends, which is so frustrating sometimes, I have also hurted her I accept that but i never did anything like this, i never told her to cut off your friends for me, and when she goes out, she's off the whole time, she texts me for some time then go off for the rest, i tell her to go enjoy but when it's my time she get possessive and wants me to be constantly on and talking with her, I have tried to break up earlier but she hit's herself, or starts crying that she has watched dreams of us settling down, i have no problem in that but i cant live like this, i cant explore, i cant go out, she tell me to wait, after she is permanent in my life, we can do, but that has long time we are in 20's now, she doesnt understand that.
so she doesnt even let me try and if i did she fights with me on extreme level and due to this i have gave up almost everything, like going on family trips or going out with my friends, etc i gave them shitty reasons everytime, and she kind off had a rough childhood so i dont want to hurt her but i cant live like this, where i cant do anything for myself, all i had to do is think about her everytime i do something, and imagine even the small things like going out shopping for home needs etc, i cant even sit alone for few minutes to think, and she tells me she wants to marry me, she loves me and she does, but she's like this, i also want a gf but i also want my life, where i can do anything i want, not cheating or going against her let me clear, and do whatever i feel like doing, and i tell her to do this and she does but when its my time, she doesn't let me do and everytime we fight and nowadays the fights cross the extreme level, I have a thinking that everyone has their own life, no matter how much you love them or they love me, but in my case, my life is her's and i have no interest to make her life mine, cause ik how hurt it feels when some one else do the decision making for you or your life Should i break up with her? but how as i said i have tried many times but she ends up crying loudly, or convincing me to stay, or says that she'll change but she never does and she doesn't even really try to change, i had some drawbacks myself, but im trying to change them like im more of a practical person than a emotional one, so i try as much possible to give the love and care to her as she needs but every time she finds faults, like wrong timing of that or didn't met her expectations or doing something else when she needs something else. I really need help in this one, cause i dont think i can handle this alone, i hope you all got an idea of what im facing
Thank you for all the help, if i left anything imp, i'll add it but for now this is it Forgive me for such a long post
TL;DR - What to do if you are in a toxic relationship and how to end it
submitted by Newbiethememer to RelationshipIndia [link] [comments]
I was so frustrated with what she told me to do but my dumbass still did it which i regret terribly now, then we are a group of 5 friends, 2F and 3M, including her, so in the ldr i used to meet my male friends but then she also got insecure about them, so i just go to meet them very rarely, i need to tell her each and everything like what im doing now, or what will i do, it's okay for some extent but this has crossed limits, she even gets angry when i spend time with my family like yesterday my family and i was out for dinner around 9 Pm, she didn't texted me for 1 hour then at 10 she texted and i also replied, she got angry on me saying can't you finish your dinner in 1 hour, i was like wtf?? first she restrict me spending time with my friends and now even with my family, i was so angry, i told her wtf are u talking about, atleast let me spend some time with my family, but then she told i texted you cause i have a headache, i have got no one, like giving me the guilt, everytime when i go out wiht my family, she does this, so i have stopped going outside, i go outside just for college then come home, she didn't even let me hangout with my college friends, which is so frustrating sometimes, I have also hurted her I accept that but i never did anything like this, i never told her to cut off your friends for me, and when she goes out, she's off the whole time, she texts me for some time then go off for the rest, i tell her to go enjoy but when it's my time she get possessive and wants me to be constantly on and talking with her, I have tried to break up earlier but she hit's herself, or starts crying that she has watched dreams of us settling down, i have no problem in that but i cant live like this, i cant explore, i cant go out, she tell me to wait, after she is permanent in my life, we can do, but that has long time we are in 20's now, she doesnt understand that.
so she doesnt even let me try and if i did she fights with me on extreme level and due to this i have gave up almost everything, like going on family trips or going out with my friends, etc i gave them shitty reasons everytime, and she kind off had a rough childhood so i dont want to hurt her but i cant live like this, where i cant do anything for myself, all i had to do is think about her everytime i do something, and imagine even the small things like going out shopping for home needs etc, i cant even sit alone for few minutes to think, and she tells me she wants to marry me, she loves me and she does, but she's like this, i also want a gf but i also want my life, where i can do anything i want, not cheating or going against her let me clear, and do whatever i feel like doing, and i tell her to do this and she does but when its my time, she doesn't let me do and everytime we fight and nowadays the fights cross the extreme level, I have a thinking that everyone has their own life, no matter how much you love them or they love me, but in my case, my life is her's and i have no interest to make her life mine, cause ik how hurt it feels when some one else do the decision making for you or your life Should i break up with her? but how as i said i have tried many times but she ends up crying loudly, or convincing me to stay, or says that she'll change but she never does and she doesn't even really try to change, i had some drawbacks myself, but im trying to change them like im more of a practical person than a emotional one, so i try as much possible to give the love and care to her as she needs but every time she finds faults, like wrong timing of that or didn't met her expectations or doing something else when she needs something else. I really need help in this one, cause i dont think i can handle this alone, i hope you all got an idea of what im facing
Thank you for all the help, if i left anything imp, i'll add it but for now this is it Forgive me for such a long post
TL;DR - What to do if you are in a toxic relationship and how to end it
2024.05.15 05:37 HuYazeed 2024 Terps How are you feeling?
Just a space to share your feelings in your last week in college.
submitted by HuYazeed to UMD [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 05:34 FeliciaPaynter [Get] Oliur – Video Creator Course Download
![[Get] Oliur – Video Creator Course Download](https://external-preview.redd.it/F4P2Orza1KC_h9Xt4CpIKPGKyPDVjzBYCUYqK7FOOgM.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=e5d6195fdf347810f9ab02dfaa4d00bd2825b23c "[Get] Oliur – Video Creator Course Download") | https://preview.redd.it/cqn1hnbwfi0d1.jpg?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1c517c16837cc49ef112644275e4dae59a793ad5 submitted by FeliciaPaynter to u/FeliciaPaynter [link] [comments] WHAT YOU GET?Up your video qualityIf you feel like your video quality isn’t up to scratch, this course will help you with that. You’ll learn some key rules for getting the best and highest quality looking video.Make serious moneyWhether you want to make some extra side income or want to make hundreds of thousands, even millions, I share everything about how to make money from video.Status and recognitionThere’s no doubt that building a brand also builds status and respect. Professional quality video can help you get the recognition, respect and status you deserve.What to expect?Scripting and InspirationComing up with ideas, putting those ideas down into a script, and script structure. Perfect the process.Camera SetupRecommended camera setup and camera settings to get the most of your camera. Make sure you get the best quality.Scene SetupSetting up your scene, figuring out the perfect talking-head setup, and lighting setup.Audio SetupAudio is just as important, if not more, than the video quality. We cover how to get super clean audio every time.Aesthetic B-RollAdding B-roll is essential to any content to make it more engaging. We share our full shooting process.Editing ProcessIt’s time to put it all together. Sharing how we cut, process and color grade all of the footage.MonetizationLearn the various ways to make money from video. We’ve made over $1,000,000 from video content.Start With an iPhoneThe best way to start is with what you have. We show you the best way to shoot video with an iPhone.Notion YouTube TemplateReady-to-go template for making and scripting YouTube videos.Correction & Grading LUTsGet the color of your footage looking great with pre-made LUTs.Lightroom PresetsIncluded are all three Lightroom presets to grade your thumbnailshttps://coursesup.co/download/get-oliur-video-creator-course-download/ |
2024.05.15 05:30 on-site_storage Freezer Containers: The Ultimate Solution for Controlled Frozen Storage
 | https://preview.redd.it/rk6pb62nei0d1.png?width=512&format=png&auto=webp&s=3d8ff82b5f8060cf2243ec2819fb9844a858d010 submitted by on-site_storage to containerhomes [link] [comments] Storage freezer containers also known as reefer containers are flexible and effective solutions for businesses and individuals who need a dependable space to store frozen items. These containers, which are usually recycled shipping containers, provide a controlled environment to keep perishable goods frozen. In this article, we will discuss the advantages of storage freezer containers, their main benefits, and features, how they differ from regular storage containers, and explore different industries that can benefit from using them. The Ins and Outs of Freezer Shipping Containers: Materials, Construction, and BenefitsFreezer shipping containers are typically constructed using durable materials such as steel and insulation, ensuring optimal protection and longevity. The exterior of the container is meticulously crafted with robust corten steel, safeguarding the contents and ensuring its longevity.On the inside, the container is lined with high-quality insulation materials, such as foam or rock wool, which effectively prevent heat from infiltrating and help maintain a consistently cold environment. These insulation materials are seamlessly integrated into the container's walls, floor, and ceiling, creating a well-insulated space ideal for frozen storage. Moreover, some freezer shipping containers may also feature interior surfaces made of easily cleanable aluminum or stainless steel, enhancing hygiene standards and facilitating maintenance. With these advanced design features, freezer shipping containers provide an unparalleled solution for efficient and reliable frozen storage requirements. https://preview.redd.it/wsi4hh9rei0d1.png?width=512&format=png&auto=webp&s=c401e615b89d86aa7cf862f3ebec219b8f9516fe Typical Dimensions for Freezer Containers of Varying SizesBelow are a few typical dimensions for freezer containers of varying sizes:The 20-foot freezer container is around 20 feet long, 8 feet wide, and about 8 feet tall. The 40-foot freezer container is approximately 40 feet long, 8 feet wide, and also around 8 feet tall. The 45-foot freezer container measures about 45 feet in length, 8 feet in width, and has a similar height of around 8 feet. Please keep in mind that these measurements are not exact and may vary slightly depending on the manufacturer and specific model of the freezer container. For precise dimensions, it is best to consult with the container supplier or shipping company. https://preview.redd.it/arsr0y6vei0d1.png?width=512&format=png&auto=webp&s=42972a0657f79c65ef8991186b706ffc0c2a44ab Advantages of Freezer Containers for Shipping and StorageFreezer containers, also known as refrigerated containers or reefers, have many benefits for shipping and storing items that need to stay cold. Here are some important advantages of freezer containers:
The Versatility of Freezer Containers: Beyond Storing FoodFreezer containers, which are also called refrigerated containers or reefers, have many different purposes besides just storing food. Let's take a look at some common ways people use freezer containers:
Benefits of Using Freezer Shipping Containers: Cost-effective Solutions for Storing and Transporting Perishable GoodsUsing a freezer shipping container can be a budget-friendly option for a few reasons. Here are some possible benefits:
ConclusionIn summary, storage freezer containers, which are usually modified shipping containers, have many advantages for industries that need controlled frozen storage. They offer plenty of space, are strong and durable, have advanced temperature control features, and can be used in both fixed and mobile settings, making them a perfect choice. Whether it's the food industry, pharmaceuticals, or research institutions, storage freezer containers provide a dependable and effective solution for keeping perishable items fresh.Tired of unreliable storage for your frozen goods? Try our freezer shipping containers! They keep your products fresh with advanced temperature control. Perfect for food businesses, pharmaceuticals, and more. Contact On-Site Storage Solutions today at [(888) 666-0520](tel:(888) 405-8772) to find the perfect container for you. Take control of your frozen storage now! |
2024.05.15 05:30 delibirdguy Top 500 Songs Ever (Subjective)
Over the course of the past few months I have been working on compiling a list of my 500 favorite songs. It was sort of challenge that I gave myself and I'm super pumped with how it turned out. There were a few rules (only 5 songs per artist being the big rule, among a few others), and here's the list I came up with. Thought it was fun, so wanted to share here and see if it might spark any discussion about song placement, lack of songs/artists, or see if anyone had any similar lists. All thoughts are welcome! (and if you don't care to comb through all 500 songs for your favorite song or artist I'm more than happy to help you track 'em down)
submitted by delibirdguy to Music [link] [comments]
- Trash Panda - Aging out of the 20th Century
- Djo - Roddy
- The Beatles - Don't Let Me Down
- Snail Mail - Heat Wave
- Phoebe Bridgers - Savior Complex
- Joji - SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK
- The Shins - The Fear
- Talking Heads - This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)
- The Cranberries - Linger
- Post Animal - Ralphie
- Hop Along - Not Abel
- The Beach Boys - Heroes And Villains
- Electric Light Orchestra - Livin' Thing
- The Monkees - As We Go Along
- Blondie - Heart Of Glass
- The Strokes - Oblivius
- Chet Baker - It's Always You
- The Beatles - Rain
- Electric Light Orchestra - Telephone Line
- Husbands - Must Be a Cop
- Faces - Ooh La La
- The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize??
- Frank Ocean - Nights
- Harry James - It's Been a Long, Long Time
- The Turtles - Happy Together
- Etta James - At Last
- The Zombies - The Way I Feel Inside
- The Beatles - Here, There And Everywhere
- The Beach Boys - God Only Knows
- Kanye West - Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1
- Briston Maroney - Sinkin'
- John Lennon - Oh My Love
- Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass - Ladyfingers
- Squirrel Flower - Headlights
- The Backseat Lovers - Maple Syrup
- The B-52's - Rock Lobster
- George Harrison - All Things Must Pass
- Snail Mail - Ben Franklin
- Laura Elliott - Grass Stains
- Djo - Chateau (Feel Alright)
- Tame Impala - Eventually
- The Backseat Lovers - Snowbank Blues
- Claude Debussy - Clair de Lune
- The Weeknd - Save Your Tears
- Talking Heads - Thank You for Sending Me an Angel
- The Zombies - Time of the Season
- The War On Drugs - Nothing to Find
- Queen - Brighton Rock
- The Dream Academy - Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want
- The B-52's - Strobe Light
- The Cranberries - Dreams
- Fugees - Killing Me Softly With His Song
- Molchat Doma - Тоска
- Tyler, The Creator - ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?
- The Mamas & The Papas - Dream A Little Dream Of Me
- The Chords - Sh-Boom
- The Beatles - The Abbey Road Medley
- The Ronettes - Be My Baby
- The Who - Baba O'Riley
- Dr. Dog - Where'd All the Time Go?
- M83 - My Tears Are Becoming A Sea
- Billie Eilish - everything i wanted
- Outkast - Hey Ya!
- Nat King Cole - Orange Colored Sky
- The Notorious B.I.G. - Hypnotize
- Four Tops - Reach Out I'll Be There
- Foreign Air - Shut Up and Show Me
- Leonard Cohen - So Long, Marianne
- dodie - If I'm Being Honest
- Briston Maroney - June
- Post Malone - Sunflower
- John Lennon - Isolation
- Buddy Holly & The Crickets - Not Fade Away
- Phoebe Bridgers - I Know The End
- Kanye West - All Falls Down
- Alvvays - Adult Diversion
- John Lennon - Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)
- Clairo - Amoeba
- The Beach Boys - I Know There's An Answer
- Paul McCartney - Let Me Roll It
- Frank Ocean - Ivy
- Radiohead - Motion Picture Soundtrack
- Djo - Mutual Future (Repeat)
- Phoebe Bridgers - Scott Street
- Childish Gambino - Me and Your Mama
- Pink Floyd - Astronomy Domine
- The Pied Pipers - Dream
- The Beach Boys - All I Wanna Do
- Djo - Change
- Второй этаж поражает - Крайности
- Little Richard - Lucille
- King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Shanghai
- Chet Baker - Deep In A Dream
- The Beatles - It's All Too Much
- Post Animal - Dirtpicker
- The B-52's - Love Shack
- EDEN - foreve/over
- Kanye West - Ultralight Beam
- The Zombies - Going Out Of My Head
- Talking Heads - Found a Job
- Snail Mail - Pristine
- Tom Tom Club - Genius of Love
- Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants To Rule The World
- WILLIS - I Think I Like When It Rains
- Chet Baker - But Not For Me
- Naked Eyes - Always Something There to Remind Me
- Tyler, The Creator - GONE, GONE / THANK YOU
- Djo - Half Life
- Trash Panda - Check Please
- Briston Maroney - Deep Sea Diver
- Beach Fossils - This Year
- Momma - Medicine
- Hop Along - Prior Things
- Talking Heads - Road to Nowhere
- Electric Light Orchestra - Turn to Stone
- Briston Maroney - It's Not My Fault
- Tyler, The Creator - NEW MAGIC WAND
- Snail Mail - Headlock
- Phil Collins - Take Me Home
- Gotye - Somebody That I Used To Know
- The Beach Boys - Do It Again
- Tame Impala - Breathe Deeper
- Ella Fitzgerald - Misty
- Phoebe Bridgers - Waiting Room
- Kanye West - Runaway
- Daft Punk - Get Lucky (feat. Pharrell Williams and Nile Rodgers)
- Dire Straits - Money for Nothing
- Kendrick Lamar - Alright
- Black Country, New Road - Concorde
- George Harrison - If Not for You
- Harry Styles - Cherry
- Ms. Lauryn Hill - Doo Wop (That Thing)
- Paul McCartney - Junk
- Wings - Maybe I'm Amazed [Live]
- Talking Heads - Houses in Motion
- Del Water Gap - Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat
- Pixies - Where Is My Mind?
- Queen - Seven Seas Of Rhye
- Paul McCartney - Jet
- Sufjan Stevens - Death with Dignity
- A Flock Of Seagulls - I Ran (So Far Away)
- Tame Impala - Let It Happen
- Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love
- Clairo - Management
- Tommy James & The Shondells - I Think We're Alone Now
- Fergie - Clumsy
- Childish Gambino - This Is America
- Prefab Sprout - The King of Rock 'N' Roll
- Joy Again - Looking Out for You
- Beach House - Space Song
- John Lennon - Mind Games
- The Weeknd - Gasoline
- Weezer - Buddy Holly
- Phoebe Bridgers - Sidelines
- Tame Impala - New Person, Same Old Mistakes
- Lana Del Rey - A&W
- The Dillards - I've Just Seen a Face
- The Doors - Break on Through (To the Other Side)
- Julie London - I'm Glad There Is You
- 2Pac - California Love
- Dean Martin - Everybody Loves Somebody
- Snail Mail - Anytime
- The Strokes - The Adults Are Talking
- Jordana, TV Girl - Better in the Dark
- Juice WRLD - Hide (feat. Seezyn)
- The Wild Reeds - Get Better
- Finom - Mine
- Hop Along - One That Suits Me
- The Killers - Mr. Brightside
- Michael Cera - Clay Pigeons
- Clairo - Bags
- Prince - Let's Go Crazy
- The Zombies - She's Not There
- Blackstreet - No Diggity
- Frank Sinatra - I've Got You Under My Skin
- John Denver - Take Me Home, Country Roads
- Harry James - I'm Beginning to See The Light
- The Clash - London Calling
- Charles Bradley - Changes
- Buddy Holly - (Ummmm, Oh Yeah) Dearest
- Eagles - Seven Bridges Road [Live]
- Moxie - Honey
- Faces - Stay with Me
- Post Animal - How Do You Feel
- New Order - Age of Consent
- Natalie Imbruglia - Torn
- Lana Del Rey - Doin' Time
- Twin Peaks - Blue Coupe
- Kanye West - Gold Digger
- Fruit Bats - The Bottom of It
- Frank Sinatra - Somethin' Stupid
- Lorde - Perfect Places
- Martha Tilton - Exactly Like You
- King Crimson - 21st Century Schizoid Man
- Glen Campbell - Southern Nights
- Claire Rosinkranz - Frankenstein
- Guillemots - Made-Up Lovesong #43
- Fleetwood Mac - Say You Love Me
- Frankie Valli - Can't Take My Eyes off You
- The Crickets - Don't Ever Change
- Paul Anka - Put Your Head On My Shoulder
- George Harrison - Isn't It a Pity
- Trash Panda - Off
- Super Besse - Holod
- Beyoncé - Hold Up
- Charlie Burg - I Don't Wanna Be Okay Without You
- Eagles - Peaceful Easy Feeling
- Ella Fitzgerald - It's A Lovely Day Today
- PERMSKY KRAY - Дорогой Человек
- The Little Dippers - Forever
- The B-52's - There's a Moon in the Sky (Called the Moon)
- Patti Page - Old Cape Cod
- Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger
- The Soggy Bottom Boys - I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow
- Trash Panda - Things Will Never Change
- Hop Along - Well-dressed
- Sixpence None The Richer - Kiss Me
- TV Girl - Daughter of a Cop
- LAUNDRY DAY - Jane
- Tyler, The Creator - EARFQUAKE
- Sigue Sigue Sputnik - Love Missile F1-11
- Joji - Gimme Love
- The Backseat Lovers - Pool House
- The Weeknd - Take My Breath
- Mild High Club - Homage
- Doc Watson - Am I Born to Die?
- Daniel Caesar - Streetcar
- The Kinks - Sunny Afternoon
- John Lennon - #9 Dream
- Tame Impala - Elephant
- Chuck Berry - You Never Can Tell
- Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here
- KIDS SEE GHOSTS - 4th Dimension
- Soft Cell - Tainted Love
- The B-52's - Song for a Future Generation
- Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
- Lana Del Rey - Blue Jeans
- Billie Eilish - Halley's Comet
- Glenn Miller - In the Mood
- Kid Bloom - Control
- The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home
- Marvin Gaye - I Heard It Through The Grapevine
- Brenda Lee - If You Love Me (Really Love Me)
- TV Girl - Lovers Rock
- Art Lown - Knew You Well
- Dean Martin - Ain't That A Kick In The Head
- Miniature Tigers - Like or Like Like
- Electric Light Orchestra - Sweet Talkin' Woman
- The Hunts - Ages
- The Cars - Good Times Roll
- Bill Withers - Lovely Day
- Drake - God's Plan
- Kansas - Point of Know Return
- The Neighbourhood - Stargazing
- The Clash - Rock the Casbah
- Hop Along - What the Writer Meant
- Briston Maroney - Under My Skin
- Jack Stauber - Buttercup
- King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Ya Love
- Ginger Root - Loretta
- Thompson Twins - Hold Me Now
- Frank Ocean - Pyramids
- Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God)
- Destroy Boys - I Threw Glass at My Friend's Eyes and Now I'm on Probation
- Mild High Club - Dionysian State
- Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out
- Kevin Abstract - Empty
- The Frights - Crust Bucket
- Stealers Wheel - Stuck In The Middle With You
- The Shins - Fighting in a Sack
- fun. - We Are Young (feat. Janelle Monáe)
- Lil Uzi Vert - Money Longer
- Miniature Tigers - Cannibal Queen
- The Doors - Touch Me
- Jean Dawson - Clear Bones
- King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Catching Smoke
- Molchat Doma - Люди Надоели
- The Go-Go's - Our Lips Are Sealed
- Billie Eilish - ocean eyes
- BOYO - Crown
- The 1975 - Somebody Else
- Husbands - She's a Betty
- Syd Barrett - If It's In You
- Trash Panda - Atlanta Girls
- Frank Ocean - Godspeed
- Alice Phoebe Lou - Glow
- Childish Gambino - Redbone
- New Order - Blue Monday
- Post Animal - Schedule
- Harry Styles - Fine Line
- Harry James - I'll Get By (As Long As I Have You)
- Depeche Mode - Never Let Me Down Again
- Chet Baker - I Fall In Love Too Easily
- The Cranberries - Put Me Down
- John Mayer - Edge of Desire
- George Harrison - All Those Years Ago
- Electric Light Orchestra - The Diary of Horace Wimp
- Alex Clare - Too Close
- Eric B. & Rakim - Know The Ledge
- Peter Frampton - Show Me The Way [Live]
- Simon & Garfunkel - Mrs. Robinson
- Black Eyes - Deformative
- The Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody
- Bonny Light Horseman - Deep In Love
- The Walker Brothers - The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore
- Cage The Elephant - Cigarette Daydreams
- Hot Flash Heat Wave - Raindrop
- Clairo - Sofia
- Kendrick Lamar - PRIDE.
- Camille Saint-Saëns - The Swan
- Weezer - Say It Ain't So
- C418 - Sweden
- Lana Del Rey - Let The Light In (feat. Father John Misty)
- The Postal Service - Such Great Heights
- Pickin' On Series - Those to Come
- Lana Del Rey - Grandfather please stand on the shoulders of my father while he's deep-sea fishing (feat. RIOPY)
- John Mayer - Moving On and Getting Over
- Field Medic - POWERFUL LOVE
- Cage The Elephant - Flow
- Joji - Run
- The Who - Won't Get Fooled Again
- Boston - Peace of Mind
- Ben E. King - This Magic Moment
- David Bowie - Starman
- Beastie Boys - Sabotage
- Harry Belafonte - Banana Boat (Day-O)
- Gene Krupa & His Orchestra - Rhumboogie
- The Cardigans - Lovefool
- The Kinks - You Really Got Me
- The Zombies - She's Coming Home
- Michael Jackson - Thriller
- Moxie - Blue Skies
- The Mamas & The Papas - Straight Shooter
- Peter, Paul and Mary - Don't Think Twice, It's All Right
- Green Day - Brain Stew
- Dua Lipa - Levitating (feat. DaBaby)
- The Police - Roxanne
- Britney Spears - Toxic
- Tears For Fears - Head Over Heels
- Rex Orange County - Pluto Projector
- The Strokes - Call It Fate, Call It Karma
- Portugal. The Man - Feel It Still
- The Black Crowes - Twice As Hard
- Ted Nugent - Stranglehold
- fun. - Some Nights
- Wings - Silly Love Songs
- Paramore - Still into You
- Peter Frampton - Baby, I Love Your Way [Live]
- The Monkees - Last Train to Clarksville
- Royel Otis - Oysters In My Pocket
- The Backseat Lovers - Growing/Dying
- Nelly Furtado - Say It Right
- Post Animal - Goggles
- Erik Satie - Gymnopédie No. 1
- Childish Gambino - IV. Sweatpants
- Steely Dan - Dirty Work
- ABBA - Lay All Your Love On Me
- Still Woozy - Goodie Bag
- Arlo Parks - Black Dog
- Goth Babe - Weekend Friend
- George & the Handsomes - Sleepy Beats
- boygenius - 20
- The Mills Brothers - You Always Hurt The One You Love
- Travis Scott - SICKO MODE
- Pinegrove - Need 2
- The Backseat Lovers - Sinking Ship
- Franz Schubert - Ave Maria
- Zac Brown Band - Knee Deep (feat. Jimmy Buffett)
- Justin Timberlake - Mirrors
- Simon & Garfunkel - Cecilia
- The Cranberries - Zombie
- Daniel Caesar - Japanese Denim
- Billie Holiday - Easy Living
- ISLAND - By Your Side
- Phil Collins - Tomorrow Never Knows
- Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A-Changin'
- The Four Freshmen - Day By Day
- Fleetwood Mac - The Chain
- Billy Joel - Big Shot
- Billie Eilish - Happier Than Ever
- Yot Club - down bad
- Rihanna - Stay
- Fleetwood Mac - Landslide
- Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky - Swan Lake, Op. 20, Act 2: No. 10, Scene. Moderato
- The White Stripes - Fell In Love With a Girl
- Alvvays - Easy On Your Own?
- Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit - If We Were Vampires
- Blackway - What's Up Danger (with Black Caviar)
- Albert Hammond - It Never Rains in Southern California
- Matt Maltese - Jupiter
- John Denver - Mother Nature's Son
- Childish Gambino - Sober
- Claire Rosinkranz - Pools and Palm Trees
- The Cars - Just What I Needed
- The Doors - Light My Fire
- Blondie - Tomorrow Never Knows
- King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Hell's Itch
- The Japanese House - Saw You In A Dream
- Franz Schubert - String Quartet No. 13 in A Minor, Op. 29 No. 1, D. 804
- The Drifters - White Christmas
- The 1975 - Robbers
- George Harrison - Between The Devil And The Deep Blue Sea
- The Frights - Tongues
- Paramore - Ain't It Fun
- Billy Joel - Pressure
- Frank Sinatra - My Way
- Art Lown - Going Back to Carolina
- Bruno Mars - Just the Way You Are
- Under The Rug - Lonesome & Mad
- The Mamas & The Papas - Dedicated To The One I Love
- Foster The People - Sit Next to Me
- Weezer - Undone - The Sweater Song
- Michael Jackson - Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'
- Tia Blake - Plastic Jesus
- Los Bravos - Bring a Little Lovin'
- Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
- Minnie Riperton - Les Fleurs
- Billy Idol - Dancing with Myself
- Cody Fry - I Hear a Symphony
- Gringo Sapiens - Driver's Licence
- Vacations - Relax
- Glitter Party - time waits
- Steve Lacy - Bad Habit
- The Crystals - Then He Kissed Me
- The Pied Pipers - Mairzy Doats
- Mitski - Bug Like an Angel
- James Ray - I've Got My Mind Set On You
- Clairo - Bubble Gum
- Masayoshi Takanaka - SEXY DANCE
- Nat King Cole - (I Love You) For Sentimental Reasons
- Sleigh Bells - Crown On the Ground
- Olivia Rodrigo - favorite crime
- No Doubt - Just A Girl
- Foreigner - Long, Long Way from Home
- Heart - Crazy On You
- The Hunts - Darlin'
- David Bowie - Heroes
- Alice Phoebe Lou - Hammer
- Thee Oh Sees - Toe Cutter - Thumb Buster
- Roar - I Can't Handle Change
- TV Girl - Birds Dont Sing
- Laufey - From The Start
- Chas McDevitt Skiffle Group - Freight Train (feat. Nancy Whiskey)
- Metro Boomin - Am I Dreaming
- Liana Flores - rises the moon
- POP ETC - Speak Up
- Jean Knight - Mr. Big Stuff
- The Platters - Twilight Time
- Derek & The Dominos - Layla
- King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Homeless Man in Adidas
- Charlie Burg - Lovesong (The Way)
- Hot Flash Heat Wave - Gutter Girl
- ABBA - Fernando
- Mitski - My Love Mine All Mine
- Savannah Conley - More Than Fine
- Young the Giant - Mind Over Matter
- Future Crib - Yer Movin'
- Bob Dylan - Like a Rolling Stone
- benches - Violent
- Musical Youth - Pass The Dutchie
- Olivia Rodrigo - vampire
- Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone - City Of Stars
- Maya Hawke - Thérèse
- Current Joys - A Different Age
- Wayne Newton - Danke Schoen
- La Roux - Bulletproof
- Jason Segel, Walter - Man Or Muppet
- U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
- The Raconteurs - Steady, As She Goes
- The Ink Spots - Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall
- Ace of Base - The Sign
- Vulfpeck - 1612
- Nordista Freeze - Hey GiGi
- The Chainsmokers - New York City
- Suki Waterhouse - Johanna
- Pete Rodriguez - I Like It Like That
- Calvin Harris - Summer
- The Rare Occasions - Notion
- a-ha - Take on Me
- Rush - Working Man
- Traffic - Dear Mr. Fantasy
- Starbuck - Moonlight Feels Right
- Van Halen - Drop Dead Legs
- The Troggs - Wild Thing
- Led Zeppelin - Good Times Bad Times
- The Byrds - Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is a Season)
- Cream - Sunshine Of Your Love
- Justin Timberlake - SexyBack (feat. Timbaland)
- David Bowie - Suffragette City
- Ludwig van Beethoven - Sonata No. 14 in C-Sharp Minor, Op. 27, No. 2 "Moonlight"
- Avicii - Wake Me Up
- The Who - La-La-La-Lies
- The Spinners - The Rubberband Man
- MGMT - Time to Pretend
- Hootie & The Blowfish - Only Wanna Be With You
- Sheck Wes - Mo Bamba
- Claire Rosinkranz - 123
- Ringo Starr - Photograph
- The Proclaimers - I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)
- Duran Duran - Rio
2024.05.15 05:12 Forsaken-Alternative Feeling old because my highschool friend got married
I didn’t know where to post this so I came here. I’m 19 and my friend is also around 19/20 ish she’s Mormon and she got married last year during her first year of college. I just started college in January after taking a gap year in 2023 but dang after seeing a highschool friend get married and even an old acquaintance from middle school having a child, I feel so old. But I don’t really keep in touch with them after going our separate ways. I don’t have any friends and am struggling to do this whole “adulting” thing since I’m still living in my parents’ home. Why does 20 feel like the new 30? I’m technically still a teenager but life seems to be happening at a different pace for me. My sister also had a kid at 20 and I’m a virgin for the foreseeable future with no dating experience. Just wanted to vent in a safe space lol. Can anyone else relate?
submitted by Forsaken-Alternative to infp [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 05:11 ThrowRA_ponyoo How should I (M18) provide space to my now ex girlfriend (F18)?
My girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me yesterday. We had been together since freshman year and are now about to graduate high school. We had been bickering about drinking for the past two weeks and got into another fight (not shouting, we never shout) yesterday, in which I said that the idea of her going clubbing every weekend in college makes my feel sick (we will both be going to the same college) among other things, and she ended up breaking up with me. She said that we could get back together in the near future, but she needs space. Keep in mind our prom is in 3 days (which we'll still be going together to) and I have no other people to rely on emotionally. After we broke up and we were still hanging out together, everything seemed fine so I assumed we would just be taking a break. The day we broke up she went to a coworker's going away party (which I had known about prior) and when she got home I asked to call but she never responded to me. We are still on good terms, so we are still in contact. That night she ghosted me and I saw that she was on social medias but purposefully ignoring me. I, like the idiot I am, got emotionally overwhelmed and bombarded her with texts and calls because I was scared. In the morning she said that she fell asleep right when she got home, which I know isn't true but I don't fault her for telling me this. Today she has been at work all day and just recently texted me. I asked if we were officially no longer together and she said we are not. I'm so scared about not being with her, and being completely lonely. I asked what I could do to give me another chance and she said to give her the space she asked for and that I haven't given her. I understand this request completely. By giving her space, should I not message or call her if she doesn't initiate it? I'm terrified of her just ghosting me and acting like I don't exist. We were on great terms right up to the point that she left my house, we had even been talking until she went to the party yesterday. Please provide me with any advice you can. Thank you.
submitted by ThrowRA_ponyoo to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 05:03 Ok-Eggplant5613 Perfumery Questions
I was wondering the requirements if there are any (I’m in the USA/ Maine) about where I can find guidelines and rules on things such as perfumery and selling it. I can’t seem to find much regulations on it, and well known perfume sites and packages I’ve ordered don’t seem to have much labeling on the websites, boxes or bottles for ingredients, labels, warnings etc. Mostly just what the notes consist of, so they don’t seem to follow the same guidelines as cosmetics. I want to do things right and make safe products.
I have a heavy background in chemistry from college during my time in pharmacy school. I’m also an esthetician now instead, and own a small spa. I have training with the use of essential oils and use of carrier oils as well and knowing majority of what’s safe or not for topical use and always researching ones I may not be as familiar with. I’m interested in making perfume oils for body and hair, maybe some alcohol free body sprays and other similar products later on such as room sprays, candles, bug sprays, pillow spray, etc in time. I mostly want to start as a hobby for myself post RSV causing my asthma to go chronic a couple years back, and many perfumes and sprays here now affect my lungs, but Arabian and more natural perfumes/ oils have luckily not bothered me and sparked an interest in potentially making my own. If successful, I’d also plan to sell them as retail at my spa/ on Etsy or my business site as well as some potential craft or county fairs in the future and see where it took me as I got good at it, and had some well made and liked products which is why I’d like to know the guidelines for packaging and selling.
Also if anyone has any reccommendations of websites for trusted safe oils & scents, things to avoid, packaging, labeling, supplies to start with, other ingredients worth getting (pheromones etc), etc I’d love to take note of them! Also if there’s any affordable online courses worth taking I’d love that as well. Thank you (please be kind, I know it can be a tough and expensive industry with a lot of depth to it). <3
submitted by Ok-Eggplant5613 to PerfumeryFormulas [link] [comments]
I have a heavy background in chemistry from college during my time in pharmacy school. I’m also an esthetician now instead, and own a small spa. I have training with the use of essential oils and use of carrier oils as well and knowing majority of what’s safe or not for topical use and always researching ones I may not be as familiar with. I’m interested in making perfume oils for body and hair, maybe some alcohol free body sprays and other similar products later on such as room sprays, candles, bug sprays, pillow spray, etc in time. I mostly want to start as a hobby for myself post RSV causing my asthma to go chronic a couple years back, and many perfumes and sprays here now affect my lungs, but Arabian and more natural perfumes/ oils have luckily not bothered me and sparked an interest in potentially making my own. If successful, I’d also plan to sell them as retail at my spa/ on Etsy or my business site as well as some potential craft or county fairs in the future and see where it took me as I got good at it, and had some well made and liked products which is why I’d like to know the guidelines for packaging and selling.
Also if anyone has any reccommendations of websites for trusted safe oils & scents, things to avoid, packaging, labeling, supplies to start with, other ingredients worth getting (pheromones etc), etc I’d love to take note of them! Also if there’s any affordable online courses worth taking I’d love that as well. Thank you (please be kind, I know it can be a tough and expensive industry with a lot of depth to it). <3
2024.05.15 04:57 miirshroom Examining Tolkein: Gelmir, Faroth and Beyond
 | It has been said that the Lord of the Rings is the origin of the high fantasy genre. I would consider Elden Ring to be something of a deconstruction of high fantasy tropes. A very instructive step of a deconstruction (or of duplicating results) is to look at a thing and examine the elements it is made of. The more general the better - the goal is to find the things that inspired the thing: submitted by miirshroom to EldenRingLoreTalk [link] [comments]
And regarding the influence of Tolkein there are a few more explicit parallels to be drawn. Which for legal reasons regarding the rights to adapt Tolkein's Legendarium will likely never ever be confirmed by FromSoft. But as I see it getting references under the radar of the copyright lawyers is a time honoured tradition of deconstructive fantasy stories and parodies, so I will attempt to explain these connections as I see them, regardless. Also note that I am writing from the perspective of someone who has been familiar with the Lord of the Rings but never before looked at the extended mythology. A linguistic connection is formed in the space between two main points that I am aware of: Gelmir of Nargothrond as the possible naming inspiration for Mt. Gelmir, and geographical region "Taur-en-faroth" containing part of the name used for Fort Faroth. Gelmir"J.R.R. Tolkien has become a sort of mountain, appearing in all subsequent fantasy in the way that Mt. Fuji appears so often in Japanese prints. Sometimes it's big and up close. Sometimes it's a shape on the horizon. Sometimes it's not there at all, which means that the artist either has made a deliberate decision against the mountain, which is interesting in itself, or is in fact standing on Mt. Fuji." - Terry PratchettFirst addressing Gelmir - literally the volcanic mountain is a reference to Tolkein. As clear of a declaration as possible that Elden Ring intends to stand on Mt. Fiji. Gelmir in the "canon" version of the Legendarium was an elf of Nargothrond who was captured by the forces of Morgoth at the "Battle of Sudden Flame" which was the fourth great conflict in the War of the Jewels (the war over the 3 silmarils for which "the Silmarillion" is named). He was subsequently blinded and tortured for 17 years until his death - after having his limbs cut off to taunt his brother Gwindor into attacking recklessly - at the start of the fifth great conflict known as "The Battle of Unnumbered Tears". Gwindor himself was captured and held prisoner for an additional 17 years after this battle, before escaping at the expense of having a hand cut off and eventually dying in another battle of the war. He was in love with a golden-haired elf maiden named Finduilas (name meaning "hair of spring leaf") who he also called "Faelivrin" meaning "Gleam of the Sun on the Pools of Ivrin" ("Pools of Ivrin" being a location in the land called Beleriand). She was killed before the end of the war by being nailed to a tree with a spear. For context, the sixth great conflict was called "The War of Wrath" and was the final one. Morgoth brought dragons to the battle to blast the battlefield with fire and lightning - which had never been done in any previous battle - and the outcomes were that Morgoth was beheaded and kicked through a portal into the void and the northwest corner of the map including almost all of Beleriand (an area equal to the size of the entire Middle Earth map at the time of the Lord of the Rings story!) sunk into the ocean. There is a lot to work with here already - first being Gelmir's associations with flame and imprisonment and torture that are shared by both Tolkein's and Elden Ring's purposes. Blindness is noteworthy, considering how often this is a theme with Elden Ring characters and even partial blindness is enough to cause madness as indicated by the Prisoner Helmet. Taking a few lateral steps arrives at a golden haired maiden who shares the method of execution used for Marika. And her name meaning "gleam of the sun on the surface of the water" exactly describes the imagery seen in the Elden Ring item "Memory of Grace". But there's still more to spin from this line! Because Finduilas had another lover named "Turin Turambar" who was a friend of Gwindor and whose family had been cursed by Morgoth. Turin owned a magic helm upon which was perched an image of the Golden Dragon Glaurung - similar to the style of helmet worn by Elden Ring's Banished Knights) - and which allowed him to survive dragon fire. Turin found on the grave of Finduilas a naked woman who he called "Naniel" or "Maiden of Tears" - because she had lost her memory and was crying - and wed her with neither knowing that they were estranged brother and sister (this is based on the Finnish story of Kullervo, with which Tolkein was especially fascinated). This was revealed to them later to be a machination of Glaurung when Turin was in the midst of slaying the dragon, and subsequently both Turin and Naniel killed themselves. Before meeting his end, Turin also described himself in (probably) poetic terms as having blindness being the curse placed upon him by Morgoth, which is assumed by readers to be more a matter of tunnel vision or short sightedness rather than literal blinding. He is also apparently prophesied to return to life someday in the supplementary materials. What this means exactly for Elden Ring is up to interpretation. A story could be spun by combining Gelmir, Gwindor, and maybe even Turin into a single character who are motivated by unrequited and/or incestuous love for Finduilas/Naniel also made into a single character - to fill in the empty spaces around the characters of Marika, Radagon, and Godfrey. Or there could be some other purpose for naming the mountain "Gelmir". There is room for more nuance here because there are the alternate Gelmir's to consider. In one version, Gelmir was king of the gnomes, by which Tolkein was inspired by the Greek "gnome“" meaning "thought" or "intelligence". But this was dropped due to the cultural confusion with gnomes being wrinkly little creatures. In another version Gelmir was the same character as Finwe, an elf who was born during the "Years of the Trees" that preceded the era called the "Years of the Sun". At this time, the light of the world was confined to the Lands of the Valinor (a pantheon of Creator types) in the west provided by the female golden tree named Laurelin in the south and the male silver tree Telperion in the north. Finwe's wife was a weaver named Miriel Therinde and his son Feanor was responsible for forging the Silmarils and jealously guarding them (And also he invented the 7 palantiri scrying stones + 1 master stone, and the Tengwar writing system). The grandson of Feanor and last of his line was Celebrimbor, meaning "silver fist". Celebrimbor forged the three rings for the elves (named for air, fire, and water) that were subject to the One Ring but never corrupted by it. So, it's possible that "Gelmir" is selected for being a deceptively niche character who was actually in another lifetime very closely connected to these core events of the history. The appearance of a character named "Miriel" is also interesting in the context of Elden Ring's Miriel, Pastor of Vows. As a side note, something else of interest from this Tolkein deep dive was regarding the relationship between the silmarils and the world trees of the Valinor. The 3 Silmarils contained the remaining light of the two trees that were destroyed and had the sun and moon forged of their fruits by blacksmith Aule. When the trees were first made they were sung into existence by Yavanna and watered by the tears of Nienna (who was a teacher of the wizard Gandalf and in earlier versions of the Legendarium called "Queen of Shadow"). Nienna again wept healing tears upon the trees to grow the fruits when they were dying. Morgoth stole the Silmarils and set them into his Iron Crown, and upon his defeat the stones were pried out and the crown beaten into a collar for his neck (in the brief period of time before he was kicked into the void anyways). One Silmaril was thrown into the sky where it became the Evening Star. Another was cast into the sea. And the third was cast into a firey pit in the earth along with its possessor. And as an addition, it is not farfetched that Morgott = Morgoth is an intended spiritual parallel. Considering that Morgoth was indirectly responsible for the blinding and killing of Gelmir (brother of Gwindor) in Tolkein's mythic history. And in Elden Ring this seems expressed in the Shattering War though Morgott pursuing Mt. Gelmir most fiercely. In a more broad sense, Morgoth was the identity taken by Melkor after he was released from the chains made to bind him by Aule, which is somewhat similar to Morgott/Margit using alternate names depending on the circumstance (and Margit's Shackle paralleling Melkor's binding chains). Faroth"Faroth" is a Sindarin word meaning "hunters". The "Hills of the Hunters" (Taur-en-faroth) was a location in West Beleriand, the aforementioned western part of the continent that sunk into the ocean at the end of the War of the Jewels. In these hills was hidden the secret elven city of Nargothrond on the Narog River. The same from which Gelmir of Nargothrond is associated. The city began as a Dwarven Hall for the petty dwarfs (exiled and unsociable dwarfs smaller than typical dwarfs), was conquered and ruled by the House of Finarfin (a son of Finwe), and was sacked and turned to the lair of the dragon Glaurung some time after The Battle of Unnumbered Tears. And then fell into the ocean.At this point there are too many names, which is why I sketched a family tree of all of all these elves that is attached to this post. Some general trends:
Also this region calls attention to the significance of the river Ringil. That word comes up as: 1) a mountain river through Taur-en-Faroth that is tributary to the Narog river, 2) a sword held by Fingolfin (another son of Finwe), and 3) as the primordial tower - sometimes made of ice - upon which sat the south lamp Ormal (an orb containing the gold light of the world in the First Age that would later pass to the gold tree Laurelin in the Second Age). In an earlier version of the writings. The blacksmith Aule created the lamps at the request of Yavanna, who was herself responsible for the growth of fruits and trees. The end of the "Days before Days" (which preceeded the "Years of the Trees") occurred with the breaking of the lamps by Melkor, after a period of time where he had poisoned the land and caused the things made by Yavanna to rot. I will note that the early timeline was a bit difficult to follow. I gather that there are spans of time lit only by the stars between the destructions of these various sun/moon light sources, a period of time with Yavanna singing all living life to sleep due to the lack of light. The First Age is also called "The Awakening" but it appears that much of the war between Morgoth and the elves began prior to the beginning of the First Age. There is an aside in which Aule was also responsible for creating the "Seven Fathers of the Dwarves", but he made them too early and they had to go to sleep so that the elves of Iluvatar could be the first sentient mortal life. I found interesting this additional context for the lamps: "In the middle of Arda, where the light of the lamps mingled, amid the Great Lake lay the Isle of Almaren, where the Valar dwelt." - The One Wiki to Rule them AllI suppose that if I have a point here it is that Radagon's Sore Seal talisman is found at Fort Faroth, which through the winding etymology of words is tied to Mt. Gelmir. Perhaps the blind Radagon was a hunter on a fruitless quest seeking the lost light of the Golden Sun that stood on the ice pillar of Ringil from the days before days - guided by the distant memory of the reflection of it's light on the water. Perhaps there is other meaning to be found. I acknowledge that after a certain point any interpretation found through these linguistics should be cross-referenced with everything that can be learned from all other sources of information in the game. The Rings of PowerThe big brazen choice - in my opinion - was to name the big metaphysical artefact "the Elden Ring"...and then draw actual direct parallel to the Rings of Power. Not the 3 rings granted to the Elf Kings under the sky - I've yet to identify how or if those are expressed in game. Not the 9 rings granted to Kings of Men either - those are seemingly represented in the 9 Night's Cavalry (and possibly the 9 weapon talismans that each feature a ring at the top of the head) . What I find most relevant here are the 7 Great Runes matching "seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone".The first critical part of that phrase is the reference to "stone", for I find that the shattering of Marika's Hammer equates to the shattering of the wisdom of stone. But the second point of note is that the dwarf lords of Tolkein received their own curse from holding their rings of power - obsession with gold. A similar obsession is seen in Elden Ring where all of the demigods are corrupted by their great runes and covet the grace of gold. The arrangement of the Elden Ring also has some synergy with the arrangement of its runes - 6 of the 7 dwarf lords pair nicely through the even numbers. The Seventh Dwarf Lord was the chief among them "Durin the Deathless", who was reincarnated 7 times by being reborn as one of his own descendants. His clan also was generally known to absorb members from all other clans due to his central importance. The first Durin (one of the 7 original fathers of dwarves) built the underground city of Khazad-dum that would later be called Moria after a creature of shadow and flame that may-or-may-not have wings (a Balrog of Morgoth) was uncovered in its depths by Durin VI. Durin III was the one to receive the Ring of Power from Celebrimbor, and Durin IV was contemporary to the first rise and defeat of Sauron. Durin VII is appears to be from the timeframe of the Lord of the Rings and second defeat of Sauron, though he did not participate and seems to be known instead for reclaiming Khazad-dum from the orcs. Why Examine Tolkein?So what's the point of the elaborate Tolkein parallel? There may be 7 ring-shaped great runes, but there is also clearly one ring that rules them all - the Elden Ring. Examining Tolkein is one of several avenues of analysis reaching the conclusion that the ring is a dangerous object that corrupts everyone who touches it and must be destroyed. Of the six endings the only one that understands this is Ranni's Age of Stars. And in the Lord of Frenzy Flame ending the Tarnished succumbs to the power of the ring with head becoming a ring of flame matching the firey beacon on top of the Frenzy Flaming Tower - itself visually recalling a depiction of the Eye of Sauron atop the tower of Barad-dur as seen in the 2000's Lord of the Rings trilogy adaptation.And even more, there's one ring bearer in particular who provides another piece to the puzzle of Radagon and Marika's dual identities. The dissociative identity of Gollum and Smeagol can completely describe the relationship between Marika and Radagon. Two thoughts in one body. With this lens I think that Radagon/Marika were likely not separate entities at the time of their Shattering and may have never had a separate existence. They can appear to hold conversations with each other through reflective surfaces, such as a very shatter-able mirror. It is quite possible that another Great Rune (or more) will make an appearance in the DLC. If this does happen, I'll re-evaluate Ring of Power theory based on the nature of the added rune. One last note which, again, is oblique enough for plausible deniability. The end of Patches questline would have the Tarnished deliver the Dancer's Castanets to Tanith, inside the volcano. If you know anything about castanets, they are typically made of hard materials such as wood or ivory (or plastic) and carved into a pear shape. Not so for the Dancer's Castanets. From a visual examination these are made of metal cast in a circular shape and with a ring shaped engraving filled with filigree. A metal ring-shaped object delivered to a volcano, echoing the One Ring delivered to Mt. Doom in the Lord of the Rings. |
2024.05.15 04:55 thecommonkind My Story, For What It’s Worth
tl;dr: Security isn’t always a dead end. I never wanted it, but I’m in the middle of an amazing career in it.
My dad was a cop. I had every intention to follow in his footsteps, maybe more. I dressed up as a Secret Service agent for Halloween in sixth grade. That was back when you could take fake guns to school. What I thought I really wanted was a career in federal law enforcement by way of local law enforcement.
Spoiler alert: that’s not what I do 20+ years later, and I’m glad for that.
My first job out of high school was that of a part time security guard. I worked Friday-Monday, varying shifts, for a company that would quickly get absorbed by one of the world’s largest contract companies. My first fortune came from the fact that my company was contracted by a Fortune 500 company in my small hometown, and I was assigned to their World Headquarters as a “corporate security officer.”
My first day on the job was June 20, 2001. Less than three months later, the whole industry changed. Obviously.
I worked that job to pay my way through community college.
✅Accomplishment #1.
Because I wanted to go federal, I needed a bachelor’s degree, so I quit and went to college full time. Luckily, my “experience” afforded me a chance to keep working private (contract) security jobs while working on campus jobs to pay my bills. I now have a B.S. in Criminal Justice.
✅Accomplishment #2.
I still wanted to be a cop. I have always had a strong desire to help people, especially when they’re at their most vulnerable. Year after year, I tested for some of the most competitive departments in the US. One of the most competitive and progressive at the time, somewhere in Wisconsin, I made it to the Chief’s interview one year. I wasn’t hired. I know I should’ve been, and I know I would’ve done amazing thing for that community, but I wasn’t their guy, and the fact is, I’m better off for it.
I tested for police jobs for 5 years. All the while, I worked the private sector to pay the bills. Then, one day, I got an email from LinkedIn.
Subject: “Here Are Some Jobs You May Be Interested In.”
Two jobs stood out. One was a security director position at a hospital outside of Cleveland. The other was the same at the historical home of one of the most influential men in American history. I landed one of them.
In retrospect, I wish I had gotten the hospital job. There’s a lot of money in healthcare. We, as a country, are terribly unhealthy. The future of healthcare is a bright one. Brighter than the past, which is what the other job offered.
But today, 12 years later, I’m not in healthcare, and I’m more successful because of it (I think so, anyway).
Today, I’m regarded as an expert in my field (not healthcare), and on top of my salary and benefits at one of the nation’s top institutions in my field, I also make money from consulting in private security for corporations and institutions of all sizes.
I’ve never forgotten where I came from and how I got here. Front-facing teams - like so many of you - have the hardest jobs. And you get paid nothing to do it. Sadly, that’s the industry. I don’t like it, but I don’t control it.
What I do control, I advocate for. I wish it was more, though.
All I want to say tonight is that, for those of you who are dedicated and sincere in this job, your work is appreciated and noticed. I was you, I am you, and I’ve succeeded because of it. And for those of you here who are just trying to get paid, I respect you. That’s where I started, and there’s nothing wrong with that. What I hope is true, and what I am mindful of everyday, is that you get what you put into it, like most other things in life. If you take pride in your work, it will be noticed, eventually. Maybe not by your current employer or your next, but eventually it will be seen. Don’t ever feel committed to your employer because they are, in most cases, not committed to you at all.
By the way, since I’ve found success in security I have been offered jobs in law enforcement, at the local and federal level. All of my “dream jobs” were made available to me. The fact is, they can’t afford me now. I make more money and have far more flexibility - and success - in the private sector than I ever would in the public side. Sand most importantly, I get to partner with LE to support their mission and help protect people. They can come to my facilities anytime for free coffee, meeting space, events, training, or anything else they need. That fills my cup, knowing that I still play a role in public safety, even if I’m not wearing a badge.
So don’t stop trying if this is what you believe in and want to do. I know my path and story won’t be available for everyone, but you should try if you have a passion for helping and protecting people.
And if there’s anything I can do to help you on that path, please PM me.
✅accomplishment #3: success for me, and orhers.
submitted by thecommonkind to securityguards [link] [comments]
My dad was a cop. I had every intention to follow in his footsteps, maybe more. I dressed up as a Secret Service agent for Halloween in sixth grade. That was back when you could take fake guns to school. What I thought I really wanted was a career in federal law enforcement by way of local law enforcement.
Spoiler alert: that’s not what I do 20+ years later, and I’m glad for that.
My first job out of high school was that of a part time security guard. I worked Friday-Monday, varying shifts, for a company that would quickly get absorbed by one of the world’s largest contract companies. My first fortune came from the fact that my company was contracted by a Fortune 500 company in my small hometown, and I was assigned to their World Headquarters as a “corporate security officer.”
My first day on the job was June 20, 2001. Less than three months later, the whole industry changed. Obviously.
I worked that job to pay my way through community college.
✅Accomplishment #1.
Because I wanted to go federal, I needed a bachelor’s degree, so I quit and went to college full time. Luckily, my “experience” afforded me a chance to keep working private (contract) security jobs while working on campus jobs to pay my bills. I now have a B.S. in Criminal Justice.
✅Accomplishment #2.
I still wanted to be a cop. I have always had a strong desire to help people, especially when they’re at their most vulnerable. Year after year, I tested for some of the most competitive departments in the US. One of the most competitive and progressive at the time, somewhere in Wisconsin, I made it to the Chief’s interview one year. I wasn’t hired. I know I should’ve been, and I know I would’ve done amazing thing for that community, but I wasn’t their guy, and the fact is, I’m better off for it.
I tested for police jobs for 5 years. All the while, I worked the private sector to pay the bills. Then, one day, I got an email from LinkedIn.
Subject: “Here Are Some Jobs You May Be Interested In.”
Two jobs stood out. One was a security director position at a hospital outside of Cleveland. The other was the same at the historical home of one of the most influential men in American history. I landed one of them.
In retrospect, I wish I had gotten the hospital job. There’s a lot of money in healthcare. We, as a country, are terribly unhealthy. The future of healthcare is a bright one. Brighter than the past, which is what the other job offered.
But today, 12 years later, I’m not in healthcare, and I’m more successful because of it (I think so, anyway).
Today, I’m regarded as an expert in my field (not healthcare), and on top of my salary and benefits at one of the nation’s top institutions in my field, I also make money from consulting in private security for corporations and institutions of all sizes.
I’ve never forgotten where I came from and how I got here. Front-facing teams - like so many of you - have the hardest jobs. And you get paid nothing to do it. Sadly, that’s the industry. I don’t like it, but I don’t control it.
What I do control, I advocate for. I wish it was more, though.
All I want to say tonight is that, for those of you who are dedicated and sincere in this job, your work is appreciated and noticed. I was you, I am you, and I’ve succeeded because of it. And for those of you here who are just trying to get paid, I respect you. That’s where I started, and there’s nothing wrong with that. What I hope is true, and what I am mindful of everyday, is that you get what you put into it, like most other things in life. If you take pride in your work, it will be noticed, eventually. Maybe not by your current employer or your next, but eventually it will be seen. Don’t ever feel committed to your employer because they are, in most cases, not committed to you at all.
By the way, since I’ve found success in security I have been offered jobs in law enforcement, at the local and federal level. All of my “dream jobs” were made available to me. The fact is, they can’t afford me now. I make more money and have far more flexibility - and success - in the private sector than I ever would in the public side. Sand most importantly, I get to partner with LE to support their mission and help protect people. They can come to my facilities anytime for free coffee, meeting space, events, training, or anything else they need. That fills my cup, knowing that I still play a role in public safety, even if I’m not wearing a badge.
So don’t stop trying if this is what you believe in and want to do. I know my path and story won’t be available for everyone, but you should try if you have a passion for helping and protecting people.
And if there’s anything I can do to help you on that path, please PM me.
✅accomplishment #3: success for me, and orhers.
2024.05.15 04:51 Storms_Wrath The Human Artificial Hivemind Part 512: The Pact Of Blades
First Previous Wiki
Ezeonwha was walking down a long hallway. The dry and plain painted walls and the pure white lighting of the lower levels of the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office helped to frame the dingy realities of those who could only afford these floors. Not even capable of having windows, these were for those who were the cheapest of the cheap or those who mingled with them. He'd passed several Guides on the way in, their claws echoing in the halls as a sign of authority in this lawless land.
Here, mediocrity was king, and he was a loyal servant. He drew his cloak closer about his neck, unwilling to reveal himself to those who weren't already equipped to see through it all. He was famous enough to be an abduction target if he let his guard down. This place was no exception, though Justicar tried to make them such. Too much security on the higher levels and too little on the lower levels. That was the way of things.
Another hallway, this one marked with bullet holes. Two contractors and a Guide were discussing the pricing of the fix project when he turned the corner. Their voices quieted to nothing, the stillness pressing down upon them with the same intensity as the false lighting. Ezeonwha clacked his jaws, giving them a low bow before continuing on his way. He saw the Guide's eyes light up with the sign of his implants getting a reading. It was another impromptu way of tracking via facial recognition, but it was an ancient practice.
Nothing was new about what the Guides did; only how many of them seemed to be on general patrol. Had Justicar hired more of them or actually done full conversions for all of them? Those arm cannons surely weren't cheap or ethical to insert into unwilling participants. And giving a victim a gun they couldn't be disarmed of was a very bad idea, even for Elders. And Justicar was better than most Elders when it came to abject stupidity. He'd likely only been dropped a few hundred times as a child versus the more likely Elder average of a few thousand.
Ezeonwha chuckled at his internal joke, heading deeper underground into the complex. He was going to a certain meeting, and it would be best not to be late. Even if the Guides tracked him, it wouldn't be negative. The group he had been approached by a few days ago wasn't a terror group. He'd looked them up. They dealt in 'freedom and liberation from all chains.'
The Eyes Of Liberty had focused upon Penny as their latest propaganda target and perhaps as a valuable ally in their fight against all tyranny. Though such a flowery message was likely steeped in idealism for the lower ranks, with more pragmatic and likely richer inner circle elites and leaders ensuring the pot would always simmer but never boil or grow cold. That was the way movements such as these managed to skirt the line between inaction and terrorism.
It was a dangerous thing to do. But these were dangerous times. If Penny left, he'd die. Someone with a grudge would kill him. It was a given, and he'd made peace with it now. He needed to get to work, to help others like him and those worse off, with just a small piece of the meager time he had left.
He was in the system as a friend of Penny, so little scrutiny would fall on him as he came and went. He had a new friend, one who was very interested in connecting to Penny.
The offer had come through his communicator, and he'd answered it given its interesting title. After a lengthy discussion about their goals for him and Penny, he'd agreed to at least have a meeting. He didn't tell them that he had a tracker from Phoebe, which would 'be impossible to miss' if things went badly. He knew the value he had, which was why one of the androids was also accompanying him under the guise of being a Sprilnav.
The android was 'walking' on all fours, its mechanical motion entirely silent. It was obscured by a wave of holograms and hard light holograms that would ensure that it wouldn't be considered suspicious beside him. His only guard was a capable one, and Phoebe had all the confidence of an AI who knew that the destruction of her android would only be an inconvenience for her.
Ezeonwha came to an unmarked door with a well-worn door frame. One knock. One pause. Two knocks. Another pause. Four knocks. He waited, and the door swung open. Eight Sprilnav greeted him warily but warmly, their eyes shifting to Phoebe.
The inside of the room was a dull red, coming from a pair of lights in the center of the ceiling that cast dark shadows near the edges. The whole room felt dark and dangerous, and the walls were lined with guns, computers, and several drones. Shelves and drawers were neatly stacked against the wall, as well as five couches and four double beds with ladder access to the top portions.
Bags of food rested atop a trash compactor unit, and the room service button on the inner side of the wall that Ezeonwha could see in the mirror was worn down to the raw metal. No paint jobs here, only grit and business. The room faintly smelled of body odor and assorted foods. Not entirely unpleasant, but also not what he'd expected from a group with sich a flamboyant name. Perhaps they worked in cell-based units. And that was another thing.
Minds were visible in the distance of the mindscape, but the people here were huddled together mentally. They appeared to be haphazard, but Ezeonwha recognized an old army-type defensive formation a mere step from each of their positions. They were more than they appeared. Though based on how their room looked, they probably weren't veterans, just decently trained.
As they walked through the doorway, a scanner activated. One of the Sprilnav, wearing a headset with numbers and letters swirling on the inner side of the visor, called out: "Phoebe android. Commando variant. Risk assessment: Certain Death. Ezeonwha. Carrying two pistols, one hidden in the pack on his left, and the other tucked inside a strap near the lower bottom of his chest."
That made them all pause, sizing each other up. Ezeonwha smiled nervously, failing terribly to break the building tension once again. His nerves started to get to him, but finally, Phoebe spoke. "Well, friends. I, for one, am happy to talk of the business of liberty. Tell us, what do you have in mind for my friend Ezeonwha?"
"It is not about him, AI. It is about the freedom all sentient beings deserve, and which we shall bring to the galaxy no matter if we are alive or dead."
"An honorable goal to strive toward," Phoebe said.
"Thank you. Your words are quite kind for your type."
"I didn't know I had one," Phoebe replied. "But thank you."
Ezeonwha turned his head toward the Sprilnav with all the fancy equipment.
"What is the best way for me and Penny to help in the fight?"
"The best way would be for you to start killing the gang leaders you come across. Barring that, have Penny ignore the graveyards, and continue freeing the slaves as she ought to. The dead have their freedom; the living need her work more."
"I agree with my companion," another of them said. "So far, Penny has done more for the fight for justice than any other on Justicar in generations, so it is a terrible thing to ask more, but we must ask. Even knowing the terrible toll it would have if she loses the Judgment, Sprilnav are at stake."
"People are at stake, you mean," Ezeonwha said. "There is no need to bring species into this."
"There would not be, but it is still a clear factor," another of them said, a female who looked more shifty in her gaze and demeanor. The Eyes of Liberty seemed like one of those groups with too much division.
"Do you disagree with each other often?" Ezeonwha asked innocently.
"Here and there," the tech guy said. "Not often enough to be a problem, and not when what matters is at stake."
"But that is the thing. How can you agree on when something that matters is a stake?"
"Is this a test?"
"Why would it be? Think of it as a genuine concern," Ezeonwha said. "To associate with your group, I have to be certain it will be resilient to change and risks escalating in the future. If the gangs cannot strike at Penny, they will pick the next best targets. Currently, that is me. If I associate with you in a way they can find out, and I assure you they will find out eventually, you all may be at risk as well. And your group's seemingly cell-based design also means large scale mobilization is difficult, ineffective, and risks severe coordination issues which cannot be quickly or safely remedied without changing core security features of it."
"You deduced all of that from context? You are smart, Ezeonwha. And have a good brain in your head. Everlasting knows we need one of those between all of us."
They all shared a laugh.
"I am not as young as I may look," Ezeonwha said. "Penny is not properly learned of the danger that faces us here. I am. The Underground will kill me when this is over. Do you want to die alongside me, all for your beliefs?"
Silence descended again. Ezeonwha kept the pressure on them when one of them stepped forward. "For freedom and liberty? Yes. I would die for that."
"As would I."
"And I."
They all declared the rest in orders that followed the patterns Ezeonwha was noticing. There were variances in their levels of belief and faith in their purpose. Each person had a different level of value difference, which meant that their lives would be worth more or less comparatively.
Cohesion was weaker, too. Not a full defector team, but likely pieces of several. Was that by design from a higher up leader, or was that just circumstance? Another thing to figure out later, that wasn't critical yet, but he would know before he truly went on any missions with them, if he did at all.
He suspected running messages to Penny would be the majority of their tasks. The quality of intelligence the Eyes of Liberty had offered was substantial. Perhaps enough for Penny to turn herself from a major annoyance to the gangs into an actual existential threat. With Justicar's swarming protection of the Fort Court and the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office, there was a limited amount of things that even the gangs could do. And if the rumors were correct, a Progenitor would be partaking in the trial.
"To be clear, if I join up with you, Phoebe would come too."
"Why would we let an AI join us?"
Phoebe smiled. "Without me, you'll die in this fight. You have trained for around 2000 days. You're acceptable combatants, as is Ezeonwha. But you are fighting in a city, and underneath it. You need to know how to keep a low profile. You need to know how to move through a crowd, get in and out. And you need to keep collateral damage to a zero, or the gangs will use you like they have others who had your purpose and were less careful to justify their 'protection' continuing. If you march in there and kill 50 slavers, if you kill a few slaves or a single bystander in the process, your credibility will be smeared. And frankly, with me on your team, you won't get blown up by an IED when you try clearing your first room in a fortress."
"IED?" One of them asked, while the rest digested her statement, going through various levels of offended looks.
"Your translator is too cheap. Improvised explosive device. Here, that can be old engines, reused oil, cracked plastic, frictional fuel bombs, circuit extruders, sodium splash grenades, as well as the more military style attacks they can pack, from small micro rockets all the way up to lower level fission or fusion bombs. Though if you're in a fight with those things involved, you're already dead."
"Why?"
"Because unless you're Elders, or holograms, a nuke will kill you whether you're right next to it or just inside the same shield. They concentrate the thermal pulse, so your bones would be ash before the pain hit your eyes."
"And what protection could you bring against that?"
"Telling you it's there before you start the attack. That is, if you listen to me. I value your lives over that of this android, but also I value Ezeonwha over all of you combined. I will not prevent him from doing this, but I will have you all know the risks involved."
"We are prepared, Phoebe. We have done much of the training you say, though we do not believe the gangs would plant explosive devices in their own fortresses. There is too much risk around that, with betrayals so common. However, the minefields we have scouted are easy to defeat with the right tactics. Perhaps you can give us a briefing on those, too?"
A challenge.
"I can, depending on how long you wish to do this for. But I have the stamina for either hours or weeks, depending on which you choose."
"What of your batteries?"
"They are of sufficient quality," Phoebe assured.
"I hope so."
Their tech guy nodded, more numbers flashing on his visor. Ezeonwha hoped he had a different way of display, like through an implant or something, for the missions in darker areas. The Underground was, by its name, not a place where much natural light was to be found. And the gangs controlled all the power systems in their territory. It was another part of the racket.
"Why aren't you guarding Penny?"
Phoebe's back straightened, a subconscious posture change to make her seem more confident. Ezeonwha caught the tactic for what it was, though without extensive knowledge of bipedal forms, it was less likely the surrounding Sprilnav knew it.
"Penny proved before a trillion eyes she's capable of fighting Elders, Progenitors, and a Dreadnaught Captain. Not to mention her immense power. I can shoot bullets, but she can literally snatch them out of the air and eat them. She has her own way of doing things, and it is a good way."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Penny landed in the rubble and headed for the Vaquah with a trail of survivors behind her. Many of them, she could recognize the marks of slavery on, with numbers or brands on their skin or just the trauma crouching in their eyes dulled by the pain of a long life in a work camp. Penny went through the wreckage to the shield surrounding the rubble and the defining line between the rest of the city and the destruction. Several news drones flew above her.
More were arriving from various directions. The soft footsteps grew into a constant drumming sound, like a beating heart of doom. Penny marched with them, heading to the spaceport. A large medical operation there quickly rerouted many of its various branches to the most injured freed slaves.
Penny pressed her considerable psychic energy on the entire group, accelerating their healing, slowing bleeding, and generally repairing their bodies and cells from the trauma they'd suffered. But the cloud over their heads did not brighten. The atmosphere remained tense and mournful. Many of them had lost friends, family, and more. She had no right to ask them to feel any different.
She had freed them, that was all. They were not her servants. She was not their ruler.
Several of them came up to her, offering thanks in the small ways they could. Kind words. Attempts at hugs. Even offers of devout prayer and worship, which Penny respectfully declined. She knew, as did most of them, that veneration for her deeds was inevitable. She didn't want to be seen encouraging it at all, since this was a public place where many eyes were upon her.
She knew that it would be misconstrued as a threat if she did. Religions were some of the most major threats entrenched powers could face if not properly co-opted by the state to suit their needs. And here, the 'state' was a military dictatorship billions of years old, ripened with corruption, money, and the immortality of Elders sporting technology beyond any other in the galaxy.
The sky was blue with shields overhead. The Vaquah hung in the distance, its thrusters gently burning to keep it aloft. A trail of shuttles linked the massive ship with several spaceports, including this one. Penny watched the freed Sprilnav get on it one by one, promising themselves to a new life aboard her ship. Technically, they were citizens of the Autonomous Peoples' Stars.
That protection, Penny knew, was why the Vaquah and its innocent inhabitants were still intact. Elders already had hired mercenaries to attack it. They'd failed, thanks to Rimiaha and Penny, but also the defenses of Kashaunta's Grand Fleet when it was in higher orbit. Kashaunta, despite her willingness to use Penny as she would, also had a certain intelligence and empathy. It was highly selective, and only money and power seemed to flip that switch.
But Penny needed the Elder, and Kashaunta only had use for her as an asset. She palmed the new communicator Kashaunta had issued her after the last one's destruction. Kashaunta's hologram appeared. It looked around, noticing the news drones in the air.
"Not here."
"Where?"
"You will know."
In the mindscape, a Sprilnav appeared on Penny's layer. They felt odd to her, almost like the minds of certain humans high up in the hivemind's network. Penny greeted the Sprilnav warmly.
"Hello."
"Queen and Elder Kashaunta requests your presence on her flagship."
"Very well."
In reality, Penny looked around at the crowd. She waited until it dwindled to nothing, and then spoke.
"Displace."
Conceptual energy twisted, and she stood on Kashaunta's flagship, though nearer to the edge than she'd expected. The Elder was waiting for her in an outfit that looked much like pajamas, though they were under a few armor pieces that appeared anything but decorative. Now that Penny noticed it, it was the same sort of armor that Yasihaut had worn to their last encounter, which interfered with conceptual energy. The Sprilnav were highly advanced. She wondered just how far their technology could go. She'd heard mentions of some ships having artificial gravity, and of nanites and programmable matter. But nothing certain.
"Hmm," Kashaunta said, giving Penny a once over. "You have come back. Shall I assume you are still my ally?"
"Nervous, are we?"
"Nervous is what you should be, Penny. The Judgment is coming. Ten days. Indrafabar and Justicar will both be on the court as High Judges. That is not good for us at all. So I figured a bit of prudence was in order. I have thought long and hard about this, and with the great battles of our time so fast approaching, I figure it is time to mend our relationship before the chasm grows any wider."
Kashaunta motioned to a special looking sword sheath on her back. Slowly, she drew a sword. A Soul Blade. Penny began to draw up her armor.
"Oh, I am not wishing for a fight, Penny. I know the damage you could do, even in my sanctum in the sky. Tell me, do you know how Soul Blades are forged?"
"No."
"Good. And tell me, do you know why they draw so much power to swing, even for Elders and beings as capable as us?"
"I have a few theories."
"I am sure you do," Kashaunta said. "But here is the thing. Soul Blades are typically weapons assigned to highly promising Elders, or even Progenitors. Filnatra, undisputed sword master that she is, can wield them as easily as breathing. If I were to swing this blade, there would be no drawback. Why?"
"Because you own that Soul Blade."
"Because this Soul Blade is mine. It is not just something I own. I own around seven or so more Soul Blades, with some weapons nearing their quality lying in my various vaults even now. You did not detect them, because I willed that not to be. I need you to understand this, Penny. You have power. You have might. But you are not invincible. My Soul Blade, if it struck you, would not cutely separate Nilnacrawla or Cardinality from you. Nor would your speeding space entity be able to block this blade with his flesh. If this cut you, it would release unending agony upon you before you exploded in a burst of burnt gore."
Penny sighed. "There is no need to threaten me. Allies do not threaten each other."
"But you do not see me as an ally. You see me as your means to get through the Judgment. You believe I see you as nothing more but a linear singularity maker, and perhaps a passing curiosity I'm backing on a whim. You neglect to imagine that there might be firmer reasons why I back you, and why more Elders are getting drawn into this conflict. You believe I am comfortable with showing you my more pragmatic and ruthless sides because I am comfortable with the fact that you cannot harm me. That you would not dare to do so, when you need my assistance so badly. That I might even be aiming to normalize my 'new' self with you."
"That is hardly my belief alone."
"Is it now."
Kashaunta grinned. There was no warmth in her gaze.
"Nilnacrawla," Kashaunta said. "Cardinality. Exile. Come out and show yourselves. You are being rude as guests."
Exile detached from Penny's head. He grew into the shifting array of fractals and shapes she was more familiar with. What had once grated on her eyes did so no longer. Kashaunta stared at the speeding space entity for ten seconds, then looked back up at Penny.
"He will not work on us. I will cover his form with holograms if he walks through my ship out of courtesy for my workers and crew, if he cannot."
"I am capable, Queen Kashaunta."
"You are quite knowledgable, aren't you?" Kashaunta mused, looking at him hungrily. "Oh, how I wonder what secrets you have in your head. How many of ours do you know?"
"I will not be taken as a hostage," Exile said.
"You will not because I decide not to," Kashaunta said. "Formally, our species are still at war. There is no treaty."
"The Sp'rkial'nova no longer exist."
"Yes, they do," Kashaunta said. "The name was discontinued for use regarding the lesser specimens we created. But I can assure you, Exile, if you wish to go by that name here, that we still do exist. I am a Sp'rkial'nova in the flesh. In the blood. In the mind. In the soul."
"Say what you will, Sprilnav. It changes nothing."
"On that I agree. Though our views on how things are may differ, and yours is wrong, your opinion is not valuable enough to matter."
She turned to Penny. She would have defended Exile, but he gave her a simple shake of his head area.
Nilnacrawla formed out of psychic energy in front of Penny. Cardi did the same beside her. Kashaunta tapped a claw on the ground. Tables and chairs appeared. A chef brought in food that looked passable and a few decent attempts at human cuisine.
"We do not have to eat, though I would expect that all of you at least sit at the table. We will discuss our grievances, and how to solve them before we proceed with the future. We shall first go to the matter of the Alliance. Penny, many in their number wish to establish contact with you. Do you agree to this? If so, I will add their communicator numbers to the translation program I have reserved for your personal use, in case your own device needs another sudden replacement."
"I agree."
"Good. A first step of diplomacy, I would say. Agreement. Now, Nilnacrawla, you look like you have something to say to me. What is it?"
"Free Meridia."
"Meridia was detonated by planet cracker during the 139th Sector 9 Border War. I am sorry more could not be done."
A cold draft of air rushed out of Nilnacrawla's nose. He glared at her. "You let them die."
"I did not. A Grand Fleet was defending that star system, and three came to lay siege. I am many things. A tactician, a queen, an Elder. But I am not a god. I cannot perform miracles. I evacuated 30 billion people from that world and its surrounding stations before the planet crackers hit it. 4 trillion more souls died in that blast. The best I can do is to offer an apology."
"That will never be enough for what you did. If you had never established your nation, they would still be alive."
"They would be slaves. Chattel slaves, not that cute little 'wage slavery' concept privileged people throw around. Perhaps I should remind you just how much darker that reality would have been for your female descendents, specifically. I am a brutal warlord, a dictator with an iron fist. But my claws do not squeeze nearly as tightly as I could. Metrics say that I could extract at least 370% more profit from my people if I simply enslaved them. But despite the shock this may bring to you all, I do have principles. The Autonomous Peoples' Stars are my people. My nation. My empire, if you think I'm imperialist. But I protect them as best I can."
Nilnacrawla's cold anger didn't lessen. Penny placed a calming hand on his front left thigh. He blinked. He let out a long, pained sigh. And he bowed his head to her. Not to Kashaunta, but to Penny.
"There is no need to be cruel."
"My language was accurate, Penny. He is a strong Elder. Everlasting knows he's stronger than most of these fools. Nilnacrawla was and is a hero of the Source war. I respect him enough not to mince words, or to give platitudes. Coddling is for babies. Nilnacrawla is far more mature."
Kashaunta turned to Cardi. "You have been remarkably silent in this, concept."
"I have."
"A wonderfully succinct statement. Perhaps you can shorten it further. But nevertheless, you and I will be working together with Penny much more in the near future. Rest assured, if you refuse to become more independent, you will be nothing more than a crutch for her to rely on before leaving her to fall when you are ripped away."
"When, Elder? I would like to think your protection is sufficient."
"I am sure the truth is quite the opposite, dear. I will now get to the point. Penny needs to move faster, and needs to break out of her shell. She needs to be pushed to do more. She has signed a binding treaty, which shows she is capable of more than barbarian aliens, as some Elders would call her. You, Cardinality, will help her be a high achiever. To do this, you need to learn more about your own history.
That is the theme of the year, after all. History. My history, Penny's history, Sprilnav history, and even Gaia's history, it would seem."
"Gaia? What do they have to do with all of this?" Penny asked.
"Oh, you don't need to worry about that."
"Excuse me? You don't get to decide that, Kashaunta. You will tell me. I refuse to be coddled, like you say. I demand the respect I am owed."
"You forget yourself, Penny."
"I remember myself, actually. I am all I need to be. I can become all I need if I must. You can hold your backing against me all you want, but you won't withdraw it. As you said, more binds you and I than mere money and ideology."
"And if you're wrong?"
"Then I've doomed my species and my nation to war, and this planet to the full power of my wrath."
"Wrath, Penny. Wrath. The Sprilnav have many words for anger, rage, hatred. There is the desire for vengeance, in varying degrees. There is that for justice, which does differ. And that for belonging. I know you believe you are standing up to me as a way to assert your own authority in this relationship of ours. You believe I see you as inferior, and will pull back my help when it is profitable for me. I will not offer you the consequences of what your words could mean.
You already know them, and that argument is as stale as your view on us Elders. I will say this once, Penny. You are the Champion of Humanity. The apex predator of your planet, the only one mostly in charge of an Alliance that does more than merely dream of overthrowing us. It is easy for me to say you are not a threat, though I do not ignore the threat you and your nation are trying to become. Gaia will be a part of your movement, but even my information is not entirely complete. I will not mislead you by claiming I know Gaia's link to this, just that there likely is one.
And I am not unreasonably petty. I am willing to put all our animosity behind us and start anew. Even if you are not willing to do the same, I am willing to make this work for us. You have more people to care for than just the Alliance, now. Do not forget them."
"A lot of words that mean nothing."
"Because you heard, but did not listen. Perhaps it will be easier this way, Penny. I want you to win."
"Explain."
"You wish to overthrow the current Sprilnav led order of the galaxy. Your path to that will likely be through mass slave revolt. A viable strategy that I could spread far beyond just this planet. And I actually agree with you. This Judgment, this utter insanity around the Alliance and your species has shown me the truth. The Elders as a class and a species cannot be trusted to rule any longer. We need new leaders. Better leaders."
"And yourself?"
"As the hypocrite that I am, and the power-hungry ruler of the Sprilnav, I would obviously exclude myself from that number. Let's be realistic. The Sprilnav will never accept a non-Elder ruler. If you wish to see what our insurgencies would be like, imagine the 2090s Struggles of Asia. Expand that to billions of planets, large and small. Countless ships and space stations. We have more collective ships than you have people. And as your military planners know, there is no such thing as an unarmed ship. Without us, without me, your plans are stillborn. Your galactic Alliance or whatever you make will fall to pieces without proper counseling. In essence, my offer to you, and you alone, is this. The galaxy, for the Sprilnav."
"Who backs your offer, with the power to give it?"
Progenitors Lecalicus and Nova appeared in the room.
"I back Kashaunta," Lecalicus wheezed.
"I observe her offer, and wish it a proper outcome," Nova said.
"Thank you, esteemed Progenitors," Kashaunta said, standing just to bow to them. Penny stared at Nova, balling her fists.
"There will be time for battle later," he said. "But not now. Hear out her request. She does not make it lightly."
The Progenitors disappeared.
"If I accept your offer, it will be on a written record."
"No. It will not be, because if that record is written, my nation will be facing war on all sides. A better idea would be for us to keep this under wraps."
"Perfect for betrayal," Nilnacrawla muttered.
"It would be, yes. But consider the second part of this situation, Nilncrawla. If word of this galactic offer, not just the Pact, were to get out, which is why two Progenitors who know the price of interference were called here, it would mean the deaths of Penny and all her kind. Or do you forget what rapidly approaches us?"
Nilnacrawla frowned. "I did. I apologize, Penny."
Kashaunta spoke up again.
"Penny. You believe I will betray you. So I make an offer of collateral. An offer so unbelievably sacred for us Elders that many would recoil at the mere thought of it. Now that you have signed a backed treaty, you are fully qualified."
Kashaunta grabbed her Soul Blade and presented it to Penny.
"What does this mean?"
"Nilnacrawla, tell her," Kashaunta said. "She will trust your mouth more than mine."
"Bonded Soul Blades are priceless artifacts," Nilnacrawla said. "To offer one to another is the ultimate gesture of trust and respect among many martial Sprilnav cultures. It can also allow for a mind bridge, a soul pact, or a proposal for marriage between two great houses, martial families, or Elders of great wealth and power. To offer this to a human... to anyone... is an ultimate sign of backing, and one of trust.
It is a sacrosanct honor, the absolute agreement of speaking truth and respect. The words I can use in any human language are insufficient to describe the weight of this honor. This gesture is one of absolute truth. Family lines with hatred going back millions of years would never dare to violate this honor."
"Only one Elder in history did so, one who once led a group known as the Stannic Resistance. He does so no longer. Penny Balica, Champion of Humanity... if there is nothing else I can give you to prove that I do really back you, there is this."
"...Just how low are my chances in the Judgment for you to resort to this?" Penny asked.
"They are not zero, but your battle with be incredibly difficult even with this boon of mine. The future of the galaxy, I now realize, hinges on the outcome of this. If we do not have enough trust, they will sniff it out, and we will fail."
So she had no choice. But as Nilncrawla continued to explain in her mind, Kashaunta was getting the worse side of the deal. Which meant she was throwing her backing behind Penny for real, beyond all reproach and retraction. Kashaunta, the most powerful Elder in the galaxy.
"And if I reject this gift, or your reasons for it?"
"Circumstances would demand that I kill you and then myself using this blade as a way to cut apart the dishonor, before my remains are dumped into a black hole to be forgotten forever. I would not do this."
"A dark and archaic custom," Penny said. She would have said more, but she looked at Nilnacrawla's face. He was clearly deeply uncomfortable. Her five words had shaken him more than anything she'd ever said to him before.
"You do not understand," Nilnacrawla said. "This is not something to joke or lie about. With a Soul Blade Pact in play, all else must cease. Right now, there is you, and there is her. Accept or decline. The choice, your only choice, is yours."
"How will this look to the Elders in the court? To the Sprilnav, and the people who back me?"
She could see how it would be a boon and a curse.
"You, and I," Kashaunta said. "The whole of the universe between us right now is you and I. No others exist until this one act is done. There will be trust or there will be death. No in between. No middle ground. The nature of this bond will be a Pact of Blades."
Conceptual energy swirled between them. Penny's natural translation, as part of the hivemind, failed for the first time ever. Her communicator likewise did not translate the words Kashaunta spoke.
"Eis nama kaste Penny Balica, sun lanci Dorima Kashaunta. Ko'ri, lanci nupa bes na Dorima'Pecunyanova. Sp'rkial'nova. Sun. Homo Sapiens."
The air grew thick with tension. It was not just emotional, either. Psychic and conceptual energy gathered. The mindscape started to distort as more and more eyes began to view Kashaunta and Penny. But all of them were Sprilnav eyes. All of them were Progenitors. Nova's appeared brightest and largest, nearly six times the size of the next largest pair. They stared at her, sending psychic and conceptual energy down upon her in waves that forced her and Kashaunta to kneel to the ground.
"I apologize for my earlier words," Penny said. "I should not have denigrated this."
Penny stood for an hour, deeply contemplating the Pact. If it was as Nilnacrawla was describing to her, it was a promise that Kashaunta would not break. If she was offering it at all, especially to Penny, it meant she had a level of trust in Penny's capability far above what Penny had previously thought. Apparently, there were even higher agreements than this that were possible, with this Pact being the lowest level of bond and considered unbreakable with the enforcement of consequences coming from the Progenitors themselves.
She thought of her place in Justicar and the wider universe. Hours passed like water. And then, by the end of it, after nearly 19 hours, Penny finally had decided. She gave a short nod to Kashaunta, who had been kneeling to Nova all this time.
Kashaunta gestured at the sword. "Tol, nopa shikai."
Nilnacrawla fed her a few suggestions on what she would need to say.
"I come to this Pact seeking peace, justice, and hope," Penny said. "And a promise not to betray one another, by lies or by treachery."
Nilnacrawla translated Kashaunta's next words to her.
"I come to this seeking trust, understanding, respect, and peace," Kashaunta said. "And a promise not to betray one another, by lies or by treachery. I make this Pact before the gods, those who equal them, and those who surpass them. I bind them to an oath of silence regarding this event, until I directly instruct them otherwise, in a state of a sound mind, body, and soul. Here, we shall step into a future that needs both of us, casting aside that which is unimportant to focus on the ultimate goals we have. I offer my Blade to Penny Balica, of species Homo Sapiens. In this way, we forge a new future, and walk a new path. I accept the Pact."
"I accept the Pact."
Nova and a hundred Progenitors descended. Nova grew larger, and Kashaunta knelt to him. Penny remained standing. His sharp teeth glittered in the light. He pressed his claws to Penny's chest, and to Kashaunta's chest.
"The Pact of Blades is made before the Progenitors. We agree to your vow of silence. The penalty of breaking it will be dismemberment and disposal into a black hole. Penny Balica, Engineer Kashaunta. To break this Pact without mutual agreement is to call down our collective wrath upon yourselves. You both have agreed, and are of sound mind, body, and soul. The Pact is forged. By sword, by word, by action. I, Nova, Everlasting, Lord of the Progenitors, King of all Sp'rkial'nova, Heir to the Mantle of Power, Heir to Narvravarana, Progenitor, Elder, and Sprilnav, declare the deed done, etched in time, space, and Reality."
They winked out of existence one by one, leaving Penny and Kashaunta alone, to ponder the future. Penny's thoughts turned to the Judgment, and her confidence she could win it began to waver. How much worse was this Judgment going to be than before?
Penny stared at Kashaunta's Soul Blade. With careful fingers, she took it. Kashaunta sat up, satisfied.
"Now we can begin. I shall compile all the news about you I can find, and we shall see how to address the questions the High Judges will ask. Now that you trust me, I cannot betray you."
submitted by Storms_Wrath to HFY [link] [comments]
Ezeonwha was walking down a long hallway. The dry and plain painted walls and the pure white lighting of the lower levels of the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office helped to frame the dingy realities of those who could only afford these floors. Not even capable of having windows, these were for those who were the cheapest of the cheap or those who mingled with them. He'd passed several Guides on the way in, their claws echoing in the halls as a sign of authority in this lawless land.
Here, mediocrity was king, and he was a loyal servant. He drew his cloak closer about his neck, unwilling to reveal himself to those who weren't already equipped to see through it all. He was famous enough to be an abduction target if he let his guard down. This place was no exception, though Justicar tried to make them such. Too much security on the higher levels and too little on the lower levels. That was the way of things.
Another hallway, this one marked with bullet holes. Two contractors and a Guide were discussing the pricing of the fix project when he turned the corner. Their voices quieted to nothing, the stillness pressing down upon them with the same intensity as the false lighting. Ezeonwha clacked his jaws, giving them a low bow before continuing on his way. He saw the Guide's eyes light up with the sign of his implants getting a reading. It was another impromptu way of tracking via facial recognition, but it was an ancient practice.
Nothing was new about what the Guides did; only how many of them seemed to be on general patrol. Had Justicar hired more of them or actually done full conversions for all of them? Those arm cannons surely weren't cheap or ethical to insert into unwilling participants. And giving a victim a gun they couldn't be disarmed of was a very bad idea, even for Elders. And Justicar was better than most Elders when it came to abject stupidity. He'd likely only been dropped a few hundred times as a child versus the more likely Elder average of a few thousand.
Ezeonwha chuckled at his internal joke, heading deeper underground into the complex. He was going to a certain meeting, and it would be best not to be late. Even if the Guides tracked him, it wouldn't be negative. The group he had been approached by a few days ago wasn't a terror group. He'd looked them up. They dealt in 'freedom and liberation from all chains.'
The Eyes Of Liberty had focused upon Penny as their latest propaganda target and perhaps as a valuable ally in their fight against all tyranny. Though such a flowery message was likely steeped in idealism for the lower ranks, with more pragmatic and likely richer inner circle elites and leaders ensuring the pot would always simmer but never boil or grow cold. That was the way movements such as these managed to skirt the line between inaction and terrorism.
It was a dangerous thing to do. But these were dangerous times. If Penny left, he'd die. Someone with a grudge would kill him. It was a given, and he'd made peace with it now. He needed to get to work, to help others like him and those worse off, with just a small piece of the meager time he had left.
He was in the system as a friend of Penny, so little scrutiny would fall on him as he came and went. He had a new friend, one who was very interested in connecting to Penny.
The offer had come through his communicator, and he'd answered it given its interesting title. After a lengthy discussion about their goals for him and Penny, he'd agreed to at least have a meeting. He didn't tell them that he had a tracker from Phoebe, which would 'be impossible to miss' if things went badly. He knew the value he had, which was why one of the androids was also accompanying him under the guise of being a Sprilnav.
The android was 'walking' on all fours, its mechanical motion entirely silent. It was obscured by a wave of holograms and hard light holograms that would ensure that it wouldn't be considered suspicious beside him. His only guard was a capable one, and Phoebe had all the confidence of an AI who knew that the destruction of her android would only be an inconvenience for her.
Ezeonwha came to an unmarked door with a well-worn door frame. One knock. One pause. Two knocks. Another pause. Four knocks. He waited, and the door swung open. Eight Sprilnav greeted him warily but warmly, their eyes shifting to Phoebe.
The inside of the room was a dull red, coming from a pair of lights in the center of the ceiling that cast dark shadows near the edges. The whole room felt dark and dangerous, and the walls were lined with guns, computers, and several drones. Shelves and drawers were neatly stacked against the wall, as well as five couches and four double beds with ladder access to the top portions.
Bags of food rested atop a trash compactor unit, and the room service button on the inner side of the wall that Ezeonwha could see in the mirror was worn down to the raw metal. No paint jobs here, only grit and business. The room faintly smelled of body odor and assorted foods. Not entirely unpleasant, but also not what he'd expected from a group with sich a flamboyant name. Perhaps they worked in cell-based units. And that was another thing.
Minds were visible in the distance of the mindscape, but the people here were huddled together mentally. They appeared to be haphazard, but Ezeonwha recognized an old army-type defensive formation a mere step from each of their positions. They were more than they appeared. Though based on how their room looked, they probably weren't veterans, just decently trained.
As they walked through the doorway, a scanner activated. One of the Sprilnav, wearing a headset with numbers and letters swirling on the inner side of the visor, called out: "Phoebe android. Commando variant. Risk assessment: Certain Death. Ezeonwha. Carrying two pistols, one hidden in the pack on his left, and the other tucked inside a strap near the lower bottom of his chest."
That made them all pause, sizing each other up. Ezeonwha smiled nervously, failing terribly to break the building tension once again. His nerves started to get to him, but finally, Phoebe spoke. "Well, friends. I, for one, am happy to talk of the business of liberty. Tell us, what do you have in mind for my friend Ezeonwha?"
"It is not about him, AI. It is about the freedom all sentient beings deserve, and which we shall bring to the galaxy no matter if we are alive or dead."
"An honorable goal to strive toward," Phoebe said.
"Thank you. Your words are quite kind for your type."
"I didn't know I had one," Phoebe replied. "But thank you."
Ezeonwha turned his head toward the Sprilnav with all the fancy equipment.
"What is the best way for me and Penny to help in the fight?"
"The best way would be for you to start killing the gang leaders you come across. Barring that, have Penny ignore the graveyards, and continue freeing the slaves as she ought to. The dead have their freedom; the living need her work more."
"I agree with my companion," another of them said. "So far, Penny has done more for the fight for justice than any other on Justicar in generations, so it is a terrible thing to ask more, but we must ask. Even knowing the terrible toll it would have if she loses the Judgment, Sprilnav are at stake."
"People are at stake, you mean," Ezeonwha said. "There is no need to bring species into this."
"There would not be, but it is still a clear factor," another of them said, a female who looked more shifty in her gaze and demeanor. The Eyes of Liberty seemed like one of those groups with too much division.
"Do you disagree with each other often?" Ezeonwha asked innocently.
"Here and there," the tech guy said. "Not often enough to be a problem, and not when what matters is at stake."
"But that is the thing. How can you agree on when something that matters is a stake?"
"Is this a test?"
"Why would it be? Think of it as a genuine concern," Ezeonwha said. "To associate with your group, I have to be certain it will be resilient to change and risks escalating in the future. If the gangs cannot strike at Penny, they will pick the next best targets. Currently, that is me. If I associate with you in a way they can find out, and I assure you they will find out eventually, you all may be at risk as well. And your group's seemingly cell-based design also means large scale mobilization is difficult, ineffective, and risks severe coordination issues which cannot be quickly or safely remedied without changing core security features of it."
"You deduced all of that from context? You are smart, Ezeonwha. And have a good brain in your head. Everlasting knows we need one of those between all of us."
They all shared a laugh.
"I am not as young as I may look," Ezeonwha said. "Penny is not properly learned of the danger that faces us here. I am. The Underground will kill me when this is over. Do you want to die alongside me, all for your beliefs?"
Silence descended again. Ezeonwha kept the pressure on them when one of them stepped forward. "For freedom and liberty? Yes. I would die for that."
"As would I."
"And I."
They all declared the rest in orders that followed the patterns Ezeonwha was noticing. There were variances in their levels of belief and faith in their purpose. Each person had a different level of value difference, which meant that their lives would be worth more or less comparatively.
Cohesion was weaker, too. Not a full defector team, but likely pieces of several. Was that by design from a higher up leader, or was that just circumstance? Another thing to figure out later, that wasn't critical yet, but he would know before he truly went on any missions with them, if he did at all.
He suspected running messages to Penny would be the majority of their tasks. The quality of intelligence the Eyes of Liberty had offered was substantial. Perhaps enough for Penny to turn herself from a major annoyance to the gangs into an actual existential threat. With Justicar's swarming protection of the Fort Court and the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office, there was a limited amount of things that even the gangs could do. And if the rumors were correct, a Progenitor would be partaking in the trial.
"To be clear, if I join up with you, Phoebe would come too."
"Why would we let an AI join us?"
Phoebe smiled. "Without me, you'll die in this fight. You have trained for around 2000 days. You're acceptable combatants, as is Ezeonwha. But you are fighting in a city, and underneath it. You need to know how to keep a low profile. You need to know how to move through a crowd, get in and out. And you need to keep collateral damage to a zero, or the gangs will use you like they have others who had your purpose and were less careful to justify their 'protection' continuing. If you march in there and kill 50 slavers, if you kill a few slaves or a single bystander in the process, your credibility will be smeared. And frankly, with me on your team, you won't get blown up by an IED when you try clearing your first room in a fortress."
"IED?" One of them asked, while the rest digested her statement, going through various levels of offended looks.
"Your translator is too cheap. Improvised explosive device. Here, that can be old engines, reused oil, cracked plastic, frictional fuel bombs, circuit extruders, sodium splash grenades, as well as the more military style attacks they can pack, from small micro rockets all the way up to lower level fission or fusion bombs. Though if you're in a fight with those things involved, you're already dead."
"Why?"
"Because unless you're Elders, or holograms, a nuke will kill you whether you're right next to it or just inside the same shield. They concentrate the thermal pulse, so your bones would be ash before the pain hit your eyes."
"And what protection could you bring against that?"
"Telling you it's there before you start the attack. That is, if you listen to me. I value your lives over that of this android, but also I value Ezeonwha over all of you combined. I will not prevent him from doing this, but I will have you all know the risks involved."
"We are prepared, Phoebe. We have done much of the training you say, though we do not believe the gangs would plant explosive devices in their own fortresses. There is too much risk around that, with betrayals so common. However, the minefields we have scouted are easy to defeat with the right tactics. Perhaps you can give us a briefing on those, too?"
A challenge.
"I can, depending on how long you wish to do this for. But I have the stamina for either hours or weeks, depending on which you choose."
"What of your batteries?"
"They are of sufficient quality," Phoebe assured.
"I hope so."
Their tech guy nodded, more numbers flashing on his visor. Ezeonwha hoped he had a different way of display, like through an implant or something, for the missions in darker areas. The Underground was, by its name, not a place where much natural light was to be found. And the gangs controlled all the power systems in their territory. It was another part of the racket.
"Why aren't you guarding Penny?"
Phoebe's back straightened, a subconscious posture change to make her seem more confident. Ezeonwha caught the tactic for what it was, though without extensive knowledge of bipedal forms, it was less likely the surrounding Sprilnav knew it.
"Penny proved before a trillion eyes she's capable of fighting Elders, Progenitors, and a Dreadnaught Captain. Not to mention her immense power. I can shoot bullets, but she can literally snatch them out of the air and eat them. She has her own way of doing things, and it is a good way."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Penny landed in the rubble and headed for the Vaquah with a trail of survivors behind her. Many of them, she could recognize the marks of slavery on, with numbers or brands on their skin or just the trauma crouching in their eyes dulled by the pain of a long life in a work camp. Penny went through the wreckage to the shield surrounding the rubble and the defining line between the rest of the city and the destruction. Several news drones flew above her.
More were arriving from various directions. The soft footsteps grew into a constant drumming sound, like a beating heart of doom. Penny marched with them, heading to the spaceport. A large medical operation there quickly rerouted many of its various branches to the most injured freed slaves.
Penny pressed her considerable psychic energy on the entire group, accelerating their healing, slowing bleeding, and generally repairing their bodies and cells from the trauma they'd suffered. But the cloud over their heads did not brighten. The atmosphere remained tense and mournful. Many of them had lost friends, family, and more. She had no right to ask them to feel any different.
She had freed them, that was all. They were not her servants. She was not their ruler.
Several of them came up to her, offering thanks in the small ways they could. Kind words. Attempts at hugs. Even offers of devout prayer and worship, which Penny respectfully declined. She knew, as did most of them, that veneration for her deeds was inevitable. She didn't want to be seen encouraging it at all, since this was a public place where many eyes were upon her.
She knew that it would be misconstrued as a threat if she did. Religions were some of the most major threats entrenched powers could face if not properly co-opted by the state to suit their needs. And here, the 'state' was a military dictatorship billions of years old, ripened with corruption, money, and the immortality of Elders sporting technology beyond any other in the galaxy.
The sky was blue with shields overhead. The Vaquah hung in the distance, its thrusters gently burning to keep it aloft. A trail of shuttles linked the massive ship with several spaceports, including this one. Penny watched the freed Sprilnav get on it one by one, promising themselves to a new life aboard her ship. Technically, they were citizens of the Autonomous Peoples' Stars.
That protection, Penny knew, was why the Vaquah and its innocent inhabitants were still intact. Elders already had hired mercenaries to attack it. They'd failed, thanks to Rimiaha and Penny, but also the defenses of Kashaunta's Grand Fleet when it was in higher orbit. Kashaunta, despite her willingness to use Penny as she would, also had a certain intelligence and empathy. It was highly selective, and only money and power seemed to flip that switch.
But Penny needed the Elder, and Kashaunta only had use for her as an asset. She palmed the new communicator Kashaunta had issued her after the last one's destruction. Kashaunta's hologram appeared. It looked around, noticing the news drones in the air.
"Not here."
"Where?"
"You will know."
In the mindscape, a Sprilnav appeared on Penny's layer. They felt odd to her, almost like the minds of certain humans high up in the hivemind's network. Penny greeted the Sprilnav warmly.
"Hello."
"Queen and Elder Kashaunta requests your presence on her flagship."
"Very well."
In reality, Penny looked around at the crowd. She waited until it dwindled to nothing, and then spoke.
"Displace."
Conceptual energy twisted, and she stood on Kashaunta's flagship, though nearer to the edge than she'd expected. The Elder was waiting for her in an outfit that looked much like pajamas, though they were under a few armor pieces that appeared anything but decorative. Now that Penny noticed it, it was the same sort of armor that Yasihaut had worn to their last encounter, which interfered with conceptual energy. The Sprilnav were highly advanced. She wondered just how far their technology could go. She'd heard mentions of some ships having artificial gravity, and of nanites and programmable matter. But nothing certain.
"Hmm," Kashaunta said, giving Penny a once over. "You have come back. Shall I assume you are still my ally?"
"Nervous, are we?"
"Nervous is what you should be, Penny. The Judgment is coming. Ten days. Indrafabar and Justicar will both be on the court as High Judges. That is not good for us at all. So I figured a bit of prudence was in order. I have thought long and hard about this, and with the great battles of our time so fast approaching, I figure it is time to mend our relationship before the chasm grows any wider."
Kashaunta motioned to a special looking sword sheath on her back. Slowly, she drew a sword. A Soul Blade. Penny began to draw up her armor.
"Oh, I am not wishing for a fight, Penny. I know the damage you could do, even in my sanctum in the sky. Tell me, do you know how Soul Blades are forged?"
"No."
"Good. And tell me, do you know why they draw so much power to swing, even for Elders and beings as capable as us?"
"I have a few theories."
"I am sure you do," Kashaunta said. "But here is the thing. Soul Blades are typically weapons assigned to highly promising Elders, or even Progenitors. Filnatra, undisputed sword master that she is, can wield them as easily as breathing. If I were to swing this blade, there would be no drawback. Why?"
"Because you own that Soul Blade."
"Because this Soul Blade is mine. It is not just something I own. I own around seven or so more Soul Blades, with some weapons nearing their quality lying in my various vaults even now. You did not detect them, because I willed that not to be. I need you to understand this, Penny. You have power. You have might. But you are not invincible. My Soul Blade, if it struck you, would not cutely separate Nilnacrawla or Cardinality from you. Nor would your speeding space entity be able to block this blade with his flesh. If this cut you, it would release unending agony upon you before you exploded in a burst of burnt gore."
Penny sighed. "There is no need to threaten me. Allies do not threaten each other."
"But you do not see me as an ally. You see me as your means to get through the Judgment. You believe I see you as nothing more but a linear singularity maker, and perhaps a passing curiosity I'm backing on a whim. You neglect to imagine that there might be firmer reasons why I back you, and why more Elders are getting drawn into this conflict. You believe I am comfortable with showing you my more pragmatic and ruthless sides because I am comfortable with the fact that you cannot harm me. That you would not dare to do so, when you need my assistance so badly. That I might even be aiming to normalize my 'new' self with you."
"That is hardly my belief alone."
"Is it now."
Kashaunta grinned. There was no warmth in her gaze.
"Nilnacrawla," Kashaunta said. "Cardinality. Exile. Come out and show yourselves. You are being rude as guests."
Exile detached from Penny's head. He grew into the shifting array of fractals and shapes she was more familiar with. What had once grated on her eyes did so no longer. Kashaunta stared at the speeding space entity for ten seconds, then looked back up at Penny.
"He will not work on us. I will cover his form with holograms if he walks through my ship out of courtesy for my workers and crew, if he cannot."
"I am capable, Queen Kashaunta."
"You are quite knowledgable, aren't you?" Kashaunta mused, looking at him hungrily. "Oh, how I wonder what secrets you have in your head. How many of ours do you know?"
"I will not be taken as a hostage," Exile said.
"You will not because I decide not to," Kashaunta said. "Formally, our species are still at war. There is no treaty."
"The Sp'rkial'nova no longer exist."
"Yes, they do," Kashaunta said. "The name was discontinued for use regarding the lesser specimens we created. But I can assure you, Exile, if you wish to go by that name here, that we still do exist. I am a Sp'rkial'nova in the flesh. In the blood. In the mind. In the soul."
"Say what you will, Sprilnav. It changes nothing."
"On that I agree. Though our views on how things are may differ, and yours is wrong, your opinion is not valuable enough to matter."
She turned to Penny. She would have defended Exile, but he gave her a simple shake of his head area.
Nilnacrawla formed out of psychic energy in front of Penny. Cardi did the same beside her. Kashaunta tapped a claw on the ground. Tables and chairs appeared. A chef brought in food that looked passable and a few decent attempts at human cuisine.
"We do not have to eat, though I would expect that all of you at least sit at the table. We will discuss our grievances, and how to solve them before we proceed with the future. We shall first go to the matter of the Alliance. Penny, many in their number wish to establish contact with you. Do you agree to this? If so, I will add their communicator numbers to the translation program I have reserved for your personal use, in case your own device needs another sudden replacement."
"I agree."
"Good. A first step of diplomacy, I would say. Agreement. Now, Nilnacrawla, you look like you have something to say to me. What is it?"
"Free Meridia."
"Meridia was detonated by planet cracker during the 139th Sector 9 Border War. I am sorry more could not be done."
A cold draft of air rushed out of Nilnacrawla's nose. He glared at her. "You let them die."
"I did not. A Grand Fleet was defending that star system, and three came to lay siege. I am many things. A tactician, a queen, an Elder. But I am not a god. I cannot perform miracles. I evacuated 30 billion people from that world and its surrounding stations before the planet crackers hit it. 4 trillion more souls died in that blast. The best I can do is to offer an apology."
"That will never be enough for what you did. If you had never established your nation, they would still be alive."
"They would be slaves. Chattel slaves, not that cute little 'wage slavery' concept privileged people throw around. Perhaps I should remind you just how much darker that reality would have been for your female descendents, specifically. I am a brutal warlord, a dictator with an iron fist. But my claws do not squeeze nearly as tightly as I could. Metrics say that I could extract at least 370% more profit from my people if I simply enslaved them. But despite the shock this may bring to you all, I do have principles. The Autonomous Peoples' Stars are my people. My nation. My empire, if you think I'm imperialist. But I protect them as best I can."
Nilnacrawla's cold anger didn't lessen. Penny placed a calming hand on his front left thigh. He blinked. He let out a long, pained sigh. And he bowed his head to her. Not to Kashaunta, but to Penny.
"There is no need to be cruel."
"My language was accurate, Penny. He is a strong Elder. Everlasting knows he's stronger than most of these fools. Nilnacrawla was and is a hero of the Source war. I respect him enough not to mince words, or to give platitudes. Coddling is for babies. Nilnacrawla is far more mature."
Kashaunta turned to Cardi. "You have been remarkably silent in this, concept."
"I have."
"A wonderfully succinct statement. Perhaps you can shorten it further. But nevertheless, you and I will be working together with Penny much more in the near future. Rest assured, if you refuse to become more independent, you will be nothing more than a crutch for her to rely on before leaving her to fall when you are ripped away."
"When, Elder? I would like to think your protection is sufficient."
"I am sure the truth is quite the opposite, dear. I will now get to the point. Penny needs to move faster, and needs to break out of her shell. She needs to be pushed to do more. She has signed a binding treaty, which shows she is capable of more than barbarian aliens, as some Elders would call her. You, Cardinality, will help her be a high achiever. To do this, you need to learn more about your own history.
That is the theme of the year, after all. History. My history, Penny's history, Sprilnav history, and even Gaia's history, it would seem."
"Gaia? What do they have to do with all of this?" Penny asked.
"Oh, you don't need to worry about that."
"Excuse me? You don't get to decide that, Kashaunta. You will tell me. I refuse to be coddled, like you say. I demand the respect I am owed."
"You forget yourself, Penny."
"I remember myself, actually. I am all I need to be. I can become all I need if I must. You can hold your backing against me all you want, but you won't withdraw it. As you said, more binds you and I than mere money and ideology."
"And if you're wrong?"
"Then I've doomed my species and my nation to war, and this planet to the full power of my wrath."
"Wrath, Penny. Wrath. The Sprilnav have many words for anger, rage, hatred. There is the desire for vengeance, in varying degrees. There is that for justice, which does differ. And that for belonging. I know you believe you are standing up to me as a way to assert your own authority in this relationship of ours. You believe I see you as inferior, and will pull back my help when it is profitable for me. I will not offer you the consequences of what your words could mean.
You already know them, and that argument is as stale as your view on us Elders. I will say this once, Penny. You are the Champion of Humanity. The apex predator of your planet, the only one mostly in charge of an Alliance that does more than merely dream of overthrowing us. It is easy for me to say you are not a threat, though I do not ignore the threat you and your nation are trying to become. Gaia will be a part of your movement, but even my information is not entirely complete. I will not mislead you by claiming I know Gaia's link to this, just that there likely is one.
And I am not unreasonably petty. I am willing to put all our animosity behind us and start anew. Even if you are not willing to do the same, I am willing to make this work for us. You have more people to care for than just the Alliance, now. Do not forget them."
"A lot of words that mean nothing."
"Because you heard, but did not listen. Perhaps it will be easier this way, Penny. I want you to win."
"Explain."
"You wish to overthrow the current Sprilnav led order of the galaxy. Your path to that will likely be through mass slave revolt. A viable strategy that I could spread far beyond just this planet. And I actually agree with you. This Judgment, this utter insanity around the Alliance and your species has shown me the truth. The Elders as a class and a species cannot be trusted to rule any longer. We need new leaders. Better leaders."
"And yourself?"
"As the hypocrite that I am, and the power-hungry ruler of the Sprilnav, I would obviously exclude myself from that number. Let's be realistic. The Sprilnav will never accept a non-Elder ruler. If you wish to see what our insurgencies would be like, imagine the 2090s Struggles of Asia. Expand that to billions of planets, large and small. Countless ships and space stations. We have more collective ships than you have people. And as your military planners know, there is no such thing as an unarmed ship. Without us, without me, your plans are stillborn. Your galactic Alliance or whatever you make will fall to pieces without proper counseling. In essence, my offer to you, and you alone, is this. The galaxy, for the Sprilnav."
"Who backs your offer, with the power to give it?"
Progenitors Lecalicus and Nova appeared in the room.
"I back Kashaunta," Lecalicus wheezed.
"I observe her offer, and wish it a proper outcome," Nova said.
"Thank you, esteemed Progenitors," Kashaunta said, standing just to bow to them. Penny stared at Nova, balling her fists.
"There will be time for battle later," he said. "But not now. Hear out her request. She does not make it lightly."
The Progenitors disappeared.
"If I accept your offer, it will be on a written record."
"No. It will not be, because if that record is written, my nation will be facing war on all sides. A better idea would be for us to keep this under wraps."
"Perfect for betrayal," Nilnacrawla muttered.
"It would be, yes. But consider the second part of this situation, Nilncrawla. If word of this galactic offer, not just the Pact, were to get out, which is why two Progenitors who know the price of interference were called here, it would mean the deaths of Penny and all her kind. Or do you forget what rapidly approaches us?"
Nilnacrawla frowned. "I did. I apologize, Penny."
Kashaunta spoke up again.
"Penny. You believe I will betray you. So I make an offer of collateral. An offer so unbelievably sacred for us Elders that many would recoil at the mere thought of it. Now that you have signed a backed treaty, you are fully qualified."
Kashaunta grabbed her Soul Blade and presented it to Penny.
"What does this mean?"
"Nilnacrawla, tell her," Kashaunta said. "She will trust your mouth more than mine."
"Bonded Soul Blades are priceless artifacts," Nilnacrawla said. "To offer one to another is the ultimate gesture of trust and respect among many martial Sprilnav cultures. It can also allow for a mind bridge, a soul pact, or a proposal for marriage between two great houses, martial families, or Elders of great wealth and power. To offer this to a human... to anyone... is an ultimate sign of backing, and one of trust.
It is a sacrosanct honor, the absolute agreement of speaking truth and respect. The words I can use in any human language are insufficient to describe the weight of this honor. This gesture is one of absolute truth. Family lines with hatred going back millions of years would never dare to violate this honor."
"Only one Elder in history did so, one who once led a group known as the Stannic Resistance. He does so no longer. Penny Balica, Champion of Humanity... if there is nothing else I can give you to prove that I do really back you, there is this."
"...Just how low are my chances in the Judgment for you to resort to this?" Penny asked.
"They are not zero, but your battle with be incredibly difficult even with this boon of mine. The future of the galaxy, I now realize, hinges on the outcome of this. If we do not have enough trust, they will sniff it out, and we will fail."
So she had no choice. But as Nilncrawla continued to explain in her mind, Kashaunta was getting the worse side of the deal. Which meant she was throwing her backing behind Penny for real, beyond all reproach and retraction. Kashaunta, the most powerful Elder in the galaxy.
"And if I reject this gift, or your reasons for it?"
"Circumstances would demand that I kill you and then myself using this blade as a way to cut apart the dishonor, before my remains are dumped into a black hole to be forgotten forever. I would not do this."
"A dark and archaic custom," Penny said. She would have said more, but she looked at Nilnacrawla's face. He was clearly deeply uncomfortable. Her five words had shaken him more than anything she'd ever said to him before.
"You do not understand," Nilnacrawla said. "This is not something to joke or lie about. With a Soul Blade Pact in play, all else must cease. Right now, there is you, and there is her. Accept or decline. The choice, your only choice, is yours."
"How will this look to the Elders in the court? To the Sprilnav, and the people who back me?"
She could see how it would be a boon and a curse.
"You, and I," Kashaunta said. "The whole of the universe between us right now is you and I. No others exist until this one act is done. There will be trust or there will be death. No in between. No middle ground. The nature of this bond will be a Pact of Blades."
Conceptual energy swirled between them. Penny's natural translation, as part of the hivemind, failed for the first time ever. Her communicator likewise did not translate the words Kashaunta spoke.
"Eis nama kaste Penny Balica, sun lanci Dorima Kashaunta. Ko'ri, lanci nupa bes na Dorima'Pecunyanova. Sp'rkial'nova. Sun. Homo Sapiens."
The air grew thick with tension. It was not just emotional, either. Psychic and conceptual energy gathered. The mindscape started to distort as more and more eyes began to view Kashaunta and Penny. But all of them were Sprilnav eyes. All of them were Progenitors. Nova's appeared brightest and largest, nearly six times the size of the next largest pair. They stared at her, sending psychic and conceptual energy down upon her in waves that forced her and Kashaunta to kneel to the ground.
"I apologize for my earlier words," Penny said. "I should not have denigrated this."
Penny stood for an hour, deeply contemplating the Pact. If it was as Nilnacrawla was describing to her, it was a promise that Kashaunta would not break. If she was offering it at all, especially to Penny, it meant she had a level of trust in Penny's capability far above what Penny had previously thought. Apparently, there were even higher agreements than this that were possible, with this Pact being the lowest level of bond and considered unbreakable with the enforcement of consequences coming from the Progenitors themselves.
She thought of her place in Justicar and the wider universe. Hours passed like water. And then, by the end of it, after nearly 19 hours, Penny finally had decided. She gave a short nod to Kashaunta, who had been kneeling to Nova all this time.
Kashaunta gestured at the sword. "Tol, nopa shikai."
Nilnacrawla fed her a few suggestions on what she would need to say.
"I come to this Pact seeking peace, justice, and hope," Penny said. "And a promise not to betray one another, by lies or by treachery."
Nilnacrawla translated Kashaunta's next words to her.
"I come to this seeking trust, understanding, respect, and peace," Kashaunta said. "And a promise not to betray one another, by lies or by treachery. I make this Pact before the gods, those who equal them, and those who surpass them. I bind them to an oath of silence regarding this event, until I directly instruct them otherwise, in a state of a sound mind, body, and soul. Here, we shall step into a future that needs both of us, casting aside that which is unimportant to focus on the ultimate goals we have. I offer my Blade to Penny Balica, of species Homo Sapiens. In this way, we forge a new future, and walk a new path. I accept the Pact."
"I accept the Pact."
Nova and a hundred Progenitors descended. Nova grew larger, and Kashaunta knelt to him. Penny remained standing. His sharp teeth glittered in the light. He pressed his claws to Penny's chest, and to Kashaunta's chest.
"The Pact of Blades is made before the Progenitors. We agree to your vow of silence. The penalty of breaking it will be dismemberment and disposal into a black hole. Penny Balica, Engineer Kashaunta. To break this Pact without mutual agreement is to call down our collective wrath upon yourselves. You both have agreed, and are of sound mind, body, and soul. The Pact is forged. By sword, by word, by action. I, Nova, Everlasting, Lord of the Progenitors, King of all Sp'rkial'nova, Heir to the Mantle of Power, Heir to Narvravarana, Progenitor, Elder, and Sprilnav, declare the deed done, etched in time, space, and Reality."
They winked out of existence one by one, leaving Penny and Kashaunta alone, to ponder the future. Penny's thoughts turned to the Judgment, and her confidence she could win it began to waver. How much worse was this Judgment going to be than before?
Penny stared at Kashaunta's Soul Blade. With careful fingers, she took it. Kashaunta sat up, satisfied.
"Now we can begin. I shall compile all the news about you I can find, and we shall see how to address the questions the High Judges will ask. Now that you trust me, I cannot betray you."