I might go into a bit of a rant , but I really need an outsiders opinion on my situation.
For a bit of a background I 21F have been going no contact for almost 2 years with my mother 40F.
Here’s some backstory,
My mother had me quite young, 19 and would later bring up to me how she had a VERY rough childhood and how poorly her parents treated her and her issues with SA at a young age. She never left home and lived rent free UNTILL this day my grandmother had a stroke and my mother took care of her for 1-2 years as her primary caregiver but afterwards my grandfather was the primary caregiver and my mother no longer helped. She claimed to not leave the house because “they needed her” when infact she didn’t provide anything that they “needed” she didn’t pay rent she didn’t help take care she was more of a roommate so to say.
I looked up to my mother very much as a child admired her achievements she was getting promoted at work and travelling to different places for work. When I was 13 she had lied to our family about going on “work trips” when in reality she was hooking up with a very wealthy co-worker . She ended up getting pregnant and lying to my dad and me and my sister saying that she had to go on work trips while she was visiting this rich man and going to baby appointments. She told my dad she cheated on him 1 month before she gave birth and me and my sister 1 week before. Now I should mention I saw my family as a near perfect family everything was very good.My dad forgave her and accepted this new baby like his own child.
My mom lied to her baby daddy (the rich guy) and said that my dad had left her, my sister and I and that my mom lives all by herself in her own home and has no job. This being the opposite of what’s being true. The man agreed to pay her to be a stay at home mom and pay all her “bills” my dad paid all the bills and they she lived rent and bill free. She would go to see the rich man for a 2-3 weeks at a time in a different city than come back to the house me and my sister and dad lived in with our grandparents for 1-2 weeks than repeat the cycle.
She ended up cheating on my dad again a year later with the rich man after promising they had nothing going on to me and my dad. I would beg her not to sleep in the same bed as the man when she would take the kids over to his house. As a 13 year old child.
She truly lived a double life. I never knew when she would come back and I was left to do all her motherly stay at home mom duties and raise me and my sister because my dad worked so many long days and nights.
Our relationship never got better and she expected me to help her out with the new children. She ended up cutting ties with the rich dude and would bring the kids to his house on weekends but return home always.
I had alot of personal trauma involving SA at the age of 14 and a lot of mental health challenges.
She tried to kick me out at 15 and when brining this up to a councillor they almost got me taken from the home. I was in and out of mental wards and picked up a drinking addiction from a young age because of the SA and how the treatment from my mom was.
She decided to take my debit card while I was in a mental hospital and spend 120$ on food for herself. When I came home she let the children break 300$ worth of my makeup and make the most disgusting comments.
She made me miss days of my school so I could watch my youngest sibling while she took my other sibling to school. I fed, washed and the youngest child even needed me to hold his hand while I put him to bed. She expected me to be another parent I even attended every single doctors appointment for the children she had with the rich guy when their own father never attended it was me who did.
There was a time where the baby daddy had cut off her money and she refused to get a job so I ended up paying for dinners gas coffee runs, outings and my younger siblings whole 5th birthday party.
This whole time she would taunt me when I was sad she would get almost excited to see me super sad one time I had overdosed and she kicked my limp body to see if I was dead. Terrible things.
No matter how helpful how supportive I was through her custody battle how much money I spent as a young girl to I was about 17 doing all these things btw, she never showed love to me she threatened to kick me out if I didn’t get a job but I did make very decent money doing online things for money I won’t disclose but it was nothing sexual.
I did whatever she wanted because I was so desperately looking to be loved and wanted.
I finally had enough of her toxic abuse and always blaming me for everything using me as the escape goat and threating that I would be on the streets so I moved out at 19 with nothing but a mattress and a fan no help from my parents at all.
3 months into moving out my grandmother had sadly passed away. My mother invited a women who no one in our family has ever meet before to my grandmas open casket. She was already bringing a friend for support but felt the need to bring a women she’d only known for 2 weeks. I told her how uncomfortable I would be sitting next to a women I never met since this was a private family matter and no outside people that didn’t know my grandma would be coming. She picked bringing this women over my feelings I was heartbroken and sad about my grandma and no one supported me. My dad later on told me if I had a problem with my mom brining the friend I wasn’t allowed to go. After this I cut all ties with my mom and whole family.
A year after I cut all ties and no communication my mother randomly showed up at my doorstep with my two younger siblings both under 8. Saying they wanted to play at the park with me . I hung out with them at the park because I didn’t want this to be a bad memory for them and it’s not the childrens fault. This went awful my sister saying “how many birthdays have you missed now” obviously a line fed to her by my mother. Since she’s to young to come to that conclusion.
I recently after almost 2 years got back in contact with my dad and he’s really wanting me to have communication with my biological sister but I really don’t want a relationship with anyone but my dad and my two younger siblings.
So the question is what should I do my mom is a very toxic person but apart of me just wants a mom and wants to feel loved and wanted by a mom but I don’t think she can do that I’m just so confused and need help. And I’m not interested in a relationship with my sister but my dad really wants one and I have a really goood relationship with him now and don’t wanna make him sad.
If you read this whole thing thank you so much

For context:
I (27F) left my family's house years ago because I felt suffocated from all the pressure and expectations (was taking accountancy). I left and found a job to support my studies (cause I shifted to a different course during my 4th year).
Due to toxic work environment (workplace bullying and sexual harassment), I resigned. I'm the youngest in the fam so when they heard I resigned, my family contacted me to help them nanny their children cause they're having trouble with their career and couldn't focus on the kids. I paused my career for more than a year now to fulfil my family obligation.
One of my older brothers is a single dad, and he has one child. He told me that he's planning to go to Canada in 2 years. After working there for another 2 years, he plans to get my niece because he said he couldn't possibly endure not being with his only child. But there's a policy in Canada where you cannot leave your child unattended, so he also plans to take me there to take care of my niece while he works. He told me all his concerns about leaving our mom here alone (since my other siblings have families of their own). As for my other siblings, they also want me to watch over their children until they save up enough money to buy a place of their own. And my mother wants me to find a job with an HMO benefit so I can help our relative with any of his medical issues since as per what she told me -- "Wala ka nmn anak or asawa"
My concerns are: 1. Which should I prioritise first? I've put my career on hold but I'm getting older so I feel like I'm wasting my time... And I have zero savings in my name.

1. If I go along with my siblings' plans, how can I save up for my future? What job should I go and try so I can do both "Nanny-ing" and "Career development"? (Note: I have a bit more than a year of being an admin assistant and a few months of private tutoring)
   
2. I've left the house years ago and felt guilty for doing so (since they've paid for all my expenses: food, tuitions, and such), so can I still ask them to exclude me from their plans since I want to go for my dreams as well?
   
3. I've been looking for a wfh job cause I thought it would make it easier for me to watch over the kids while I work but I have had no luck for the past few months now. And my older sister told me to find a job near her office so we could save up for a motor and she wouldn't have any trouble commuting anymore. Should I still look for a wfh or should I go onsite?
   

I've asked my friends for advice. Some says I should give my family a bit more time to stabilise themselves. Some says to just leave and focus on myself cause they have their own family while I have nothing. Some says to find a balance between both cause I couldn't possibly cut ties with my fam and I couldn't not prioritise my future. It's my bday soon but I don't have money to treat my family or friends or myself... This is the reason why I'm feeling anxious cause I feel like I'm just wasting my time.

Hello been married for 25 year and we are both 50. I’ve been through recovery myself and AA and my wife is an alcoholic. We have two kids 17 and 18 and 18 year old moved out which he blames on me but different story for different day.
Same song and dance with my wife saying she’s going to quit because AA with myself her name when she said she’s an alcoholic, but takes no action. She functions but barely. She is a sped teacher side. She was suppose to get her teacher certificate but dropped out of school as can’t pass math if your drunk every night.
It’s progressing faster this time around (she quits for a week/month on occasion and she wants to stop but won’t take action.
Her brother js on liver transplant list and we have watched him turn yellow and waste away to nothing. Yet she won’t take action.
Powerful cunning and baffling but please god I am so lonely and can’t do it by myself anymore. I am not taking care of me. Not sleeping but not using by the grace of god.
I think the only way to wake her up and have a shot at her hitting her bottom is to leave but I can’t leave my 17 year old here to deal with it.
I have thought about talking with her mom and tying an intervention but her mom is going through so much with her brother as he lives at home with mom and mom is getting older and health isn’t great. Her dad moved to Arizona and he is distant.
I know I didn’t cause and I can’t cure her and that’s the other C? Can’t control it and it’s in gods hands, but I think god is telling me to leave her to save her. I love her so much but maybe me staying is enabling her.
It’s not fair god. I am so mad at her for not fighting for us. Maybe we are just bad for each other and I won’t let my fear let me leave. Uggggggggggcrying. I have let it build up so thanks for letting me rant

Salam alaikum everyone!
I am personally a (M) 20-year old Turkish-American who was born and raised in the US my whole life. On this reddit forum I would like to share something that I have been wanting to speak about for a long time..
Since I grew up my whole life in America, I grew up with mostly the Muslim community here which consists of Arabs and South Asians as you guys know, Me and my family here choose to stay away from our own country's people here since unfortunately their arrogance, unfriendliness, and betrayals have broken our hearts. That's why I try to stay and get along with the Muslim community here in the US so at least I can feel like that I belong somewhere..
While growing up here in the US, My parents brought me up Islamically as a Muslim and taught me about Allah and Islam. In the neighborhood where I live, There is a local masjid where I have been attending ever since I was a kid, I go there for Jumah every Friday and they have a significant South Asian/Desi community over there.
Brothers and sisters, If I can please say this without any judgement, hesitation, or criticism. I feel like that I don't fit in with the Muslim community here and that I feel somewhat uncomfortable, I believe these are the reasons why!
1- Cultural differences always get in the way..
I most of the time feel like an outsider when being together with Other Muslims here, They get together with their people and talk about their homeland/culture, When this happens, I personally feel intimidated and feel like that I don't fit in with them..
I personally also have a friend that is from Syria. He's a really nice guy and we get along actually pretty well. Just that when Cultural differences occur, My mind unfortunately get crossed with the Syrian prejudice/hate that happens in Turkey and sometimes I compare that to him whenever I feel left out..
2- Turkish culture is brainwashing me...
Growing up in this cultural milieu, even as a diaspora, I have internalized some of these secular values. For instance, the idea that religion is a private matter and should not dominate public or social life is a common secular belief. This can sometimes make me feel out of place in the Muslim community, where religious identity often takes precedence in public and social interactions.
Additionally, Turkish nationalism can create a sense of superiority or exclusivity, making it difficult to fully embrace the diverse cultures within the Muslim ummah. This nationalistic mindset might inadvertently foster a sense of 'us versus them,' even within a religious community, leading to feelings of isolation or discomfort.
For example, when I attend the local masjid with a significant Foreign Muslim population, I sometimes struggle to connect because my upbringing has instilled in me a different set of social norms and values. The emphasis on Turkish national pride and secularism often clashes with the more religiously integrated and community-oriented lifestyle of my Muslim brothers and sisters. This dissonance can make me feel like an outsider, despite our shared faith.
3- I don't understand their personalities..
Understanding someone's personality is deeply rooted in understanding their cultural context. The way people communicate, express emotions, and interact socially can vary greatly between different cultures. For instance, in my Turkish upbringing, there is a strong emphasis on directness and straightforwardness. We often express our opinions and emotions openly, which is seen as a sign of honesty and integrity.
However, in the South Asian and Arab communities I've encountered, there can be a different approach to communication. These cultures often value indirect communication and may prioritize maintaining harmony and avoiding confrontation. This can sometimes make interactions feel more formal or restrained to me, and I struggle to read between the lines or understand the subtleties of their communication styles.
Another aspect is the expression of religiosity. While we all share the same faith, the ways in which religious practices are integrated into daily life can vary. For example, some communities might have specific cultural traditions tied to Islamic practices that are unfamiliar to me. This can create a sense of alienation when I don't fully understand or relate to these customs.
I unfortunately can't talk to these also with my Mom and Dad because My Dad is a strict parent and My Mom is mostly indifferent when it comes to this topic.. That's why I have to seek advice here!
Brothers If you can help me with my situation, I would gladly and respectfully appreciate it, Jzk khair!

This is going to be long, I'm sorry. It is my first reddit post, and I feel desperate. I'm just wondering if anyone here has ever mended their family ties?
To give context, me (22F), my older brother (25M), and younger sister (17F) grew up in an immigrant household (my brother and I are immigrants, sister first gen) with both mother and father around. Overall, we had a happy childhood. We had family friends and my mothers first cousin living in the same city as us, with her two children around the same age as my brother and I. Fast forward a couple of years, there was family drama and an ending of the family friend group that we had due to petty fights between moms, and we stopped having contact with these people. I was a pretty extroverted child, as was my sister, but my brother was pretty introverted. He had great interests as a child, he loved astrology, reading, and knew everything about cars. My sister loved drawing (as did I), making slime, and reading as well (she's an excellent writer). I had a good relationship with both of them, sometimes getting into fights, but nothing really abnormal. We would go outside to play all of the time, and I would take my sister to the pool with me and my friends during the summer. My brother then got very into video games in high school. It was more of a hobby then, which I think is good and healthy, his grades were still good and he was on the volleyball team so he was socializing and fit. His work ethic was not good though, as he would wait until the last minute to finish his assignments. When he was applying to colleges I remember he didn't really want to do anything. It was a big fight between him and my parents. He started college as a commuter, but this was a pretty difficult time for him and he got pretty depressed. He still had the same work ethic and studying habits that he had in high school. My mother then started to deal with depression, as she was close to my brother and became socially isolated at this time. Her age didn't help, and she started dealing with sciatic pain. I then felt like I had to help her, so I would help her with the house, my sister, and the garden. I enjoyed these things, as I feel my nature is pretty nurturing. I love children and found a love in gardening during this time as well. I worked in retail when I was 17, and have been working in the restaurant industry for about 2 years now. My brother never had a job. My brother was always the golden child and got most of the attention and praise, which I didn't mind because in a way it was motivation for me to do well and live up to him. I was still close with him and my sister during his college years. He graduated with a degree in mechanical engineering in three years, and everyone was so proud of him. This was the year I started at the same college as him, but for biochemistry as I was pre-med. This was the year COVID started. My sister was 12, and I was 18, and my brother 21. My brother didn't apply to any jobs after graduation and would just sit at home playing video games. He played for a year and a half, and my parents got frustrated at him for just sitting at home doing nothing. I spoke to him during this time, and he said he was severly depressed during college, and on the first day he knew he didn't want to do it and wanted to drop out instead. I couldn't understand him, as I always saw education as a privilege and gaining knowledge/learning was so rewarding for me (THINK MALALA). My parents told him he had to get a job or go for his masters. He ended up applying for his masters in computer science, and finished that in two years. Since then, December 2022, he has just been in his room locked away playing video games all night and sleeping all day. My mother has been dealing with depression since he started college, and it took a toll on me during COVID trying to help her. This in turn took a toll on my younger sister as we shared the same room and we had a very close relationship. I ended up developing an eating disorder during the time of COVID (I think due to bad stress management), and I was depressed and weighed close to nothing. I ended up graduating with my undergraduate degree in Biochemistry a year early like my brother, but at the end of my studies I decided I could not become a doctor. I studied for my MCAT and was working on applications and all that, but looking forward, I felt the path of becoming a physician did not align with what I wanted in life. The four years of medical school was fine with me, as I love medicine and would study it for the rest of my life if I could, but the hours in residency and the non-existent balance between work and life during those years (along with the debt of medical school) was not something I could justify doing. I wanted to become a mother (sooner rather than later (which feels stupid now as I don't even have a boyfriend and the disloyalty i've seen in men (not my father) makes me have trust issues)). I was lost and wasn't in a good mental state to begin with. Then, my best friends (American) turned on me and isolated me which made me feel even worse. My sister then became the person that I trauma dumped to, which I see was not a good thing, and she started to become aggressive and took turns on who she would isolate in my family. First it was my dad, then my brother, then my mother, then me. She had phases of who she would consider a friend, and who she hated. It was hard on my whole family. During June of 2022, my grandfather (mothers side) became ill with sepsis due to an untreated UTI (he was a farmer and hated the doctor), and she went back to our country for the first time in 20 years. I wanted to go with her, but I had to stay back and take care of my sister. When she came back after my grandfather's death and funeral, my grandmother was all alone, so I went back to my country to stay with her as her caretaker until she passed in November. During that time, I worked on myself and became healthier. It was easier because I had so much family around, and I made new and great friends who I could relate to. The culture is a lot less stressful and on-the-go than American culture, so I found myself seeing the beauty in life like I did as a child. I was in the village surrounded by nature, which I love, and I finally felt like I fit in, whereas in America I never REALLY fit in. When I came home, my sister was still not talking to me.
Fast forward to recently, I am in a great place mentally and physically. I am back to my normal weight (although I do have issues with my hormones due to my former ED, which makes me scared that I am infertile). I am in school in a direct-entry masters in nursing program, working as a server on weekends, and volunteering with the elderly community with a few very close friends that I love. I've done a lot of self work, and have the mindset of not letting my past define me or stop me from bettering myself. My relationship with my family members is pretty great, individually. My sister is doing better mentally, as she dropped some friends feeding her depression, made some new friends in high school, is working as a host in the restaurant I work in, and has taken up martial arts. She is a very bubbly and laughy person, but she can be very cold if she "hates" you. Her relationship with my mother and brother are still very rocky. My mother still deals with depression due to my brother's "wasted potential", although I think I have helped since coming back because I feel much stronger and know now what I have to do to stay strong for my family and for myself. I understand my sister with both of them. I was also initially frustrated with my mother around my sisters age, but I understand what my mother is/has gone through. My sister deems her as crazy, which I told her was wrong. Her and my brother were never very close, and I feel for her frustration with him. He is always in his room playing video games, never helping around the house, and gets mad at her when she says mean things to my mother. I, too, was frustrated with him. However, I know now that the only thing I can really do is fix myself, I can't fix others if they don't want to change. I understand him in a way too. I think that he blamed school for his depression, but I think he still deals with it in a way today and video games is his outlet. When me and him were her age, we would not even think about saying half of the things she says to my parents. I caught my siblings in a screaming match one day when they thought I had left the house. He was screaming at her about being a b**** (I hate curse words, I think they feed anger) because she called my mother and brother fat a**** that morning for eating some leftovers we had (which I think is terribly wrong on two fronts, as one should never say this to another person let alone their own family, and all of the food we have is for everyone, not just for one person), and she was screaming at him to tell her what he wanted to say for the past 17 years. I intervened and started telling them that it was wrong to be screaming at each other, and that we have to be there for each other because we are siblings. We are each other's first best friends in life, and no one else will understand what we went through together. My sister and I also recently had an argument because she told me that my mother and father were very hard on her for her schooling as a child and that she remembers my mother about to throw a chair at her because of some bad grade, but that I stopped her from throwing it. I don't remember this happening ever. I remember that me and my brother were disciplined as children, and that I would get the most punishment (because I was a more mischievous child), and they were hard on us for school, but I knew it was for our better (remember Malala?). She was much younger than us, so their parenting changed significantly by the time she was born. As a child, she never got hit. I think that she might believe that this actually happened, and the feeling of fear was probably true, but this scene did not happen. My parents were older when they had her, so they were not as playful as they were with us as children, but they did their best. I would always try and give her everything I never had at her age, buying her food and taking her shopping. However, she now eats some form of fast food every day, takes my dad to buy her snacks that she won't share with us (which I told my dad is not okay, even if it is a bonding moment between them which he clings onto, he should teach her to share), and she has no interest in dressing up like she did as a child (she used to change her outfit three times a day, always fashionable). I don't think the fashion thing is a big deal, but I want to give her all of the clothes I wished for at her age.
TL;DR
ANYWAYS, after all that, has anyone ever dealt with a bright child older brother turning into a video game addict with no drive? and a younger sister with aggression and resentment towards family? I want to believe that my sister will get better. I think she should go on vacation with my mother to our home country this summer, as we have cousins her age, and she can see how happy my mother is in our country (instead of the depressed version she is in America). As for my older brother, can I do anything to help him see that life is far more beautiful with real-world social connections, that work can be rewarding (whatever it is that he wants to do), and that his past does not define him or who he could be (even if it takes a lot of self-reflection and work)? If so, how can I do this? Or is it better for me to just focus on my own life, make the goals I want happen, and pray/hope they can find the contentment I have found in life? I don't want to intrude too much, but I want to help them. Family is a very important value in my life, and I think it is for them as well.

Met a guy through a mutual friend and he checks all my boxes and im normally insanely picky. I've only dated one other guy in my life but have plenty of experiences with flings and fwb type relationships, just not normally the type to want to date a guy. I'm not going to get into specifics because they don't really matter but he's honestly damn near the perfect guy for me.
I mentioned wanting to be exclusive a week ago and he said he wanted to be exclusive. I asked in a way that would've made it REALLY easy for him to say if he didn't want to be exclusive (stuff like I don't mind either way, i just don't want to be led on and have the wrong idea, i just want to make sure we're on the same page, etc.) and he said he wouldn't want me getting with anyone else either.
BUT he mentioned he didn't want to date, at least yet. This doesn't bother me at all because I've been in the same position before. Sometimes you really need to test the waters before dating and it's important not to rush into dating. I 1000% get it.
Since then, we hang out almost every day. Sleep together most nights. Hang out with friends together. Make dinner, surf, hang out with roommates, literally run errands... almost everything together. We just get along really well and doing things together is more fun than doing things separately.
The catch is that whenever I accidentally glance at his phone or accidentally grab his instead of mine, I see dating app notifications and texts from people labeled "____ tinder" or "_____ hinge". He's clearly still on dating apps and talking to other potential girls.
He'll say things like "this song will be me when you break up with me" about a sad country song. He sent his mom a selfie of us on mother's day. He always invites me to hang out with his friends. When we're hanging out and done with whatever we were doing, I always offer to have him drop me off on the way back and he always wants me to stay with him or tries to find another thing to do together.
I'm super confused and don't know how to proceed. I feel like I'm being played. I don't know how to bring this up in a way that isn't insanely dramatic for not being officially "together" but I'm honestly really confused.
How should I proceed? I know I need to have a talk with him but how do I bring it up and what do I ask? Do I just cut ties? help

So I (32F) and my brother (45 M) had a tiff the other day. Some background to explain:
About a year ago, my husband and I got evicted from our home. We were paying rent like we were meant to, but the landlord got angry at us when I called her out on making us overpay for utilities (we were paying her's as well as ours, and when I found out, I was livid.) Shortly after, we were all made to leave the home as I had no solid proof to back us up. I had 3 kids + 1 stepchild at the time. The step child lived with her mom, so no change for her, but we were struggling to find a new place to rent. We are in fact still struggling, and all we've been able to afford in that time is a one bedroom apartment. My oldest two children are teenagers, and I had had a baby with my husband just a few months prior to the eviction notice.
Now, because of the limited space, and laws in my state, my eldest two children were required to stay elsewhere. Namely, with my brother. He offered, and I thanked him profusely for his generosity and have done everything I can to continue making my appreciation known. I am working and so is my husband. But even with both of us working, we are still having a hard time finding something bigger that is sustainable. I have seen how this sudden separation has affected my elder children, and I don't want to ever put them through this again. So I have been looking with the intention that it has to be in our budget long term, and affordable even if one of us lost their jobs. I refuse to put my kids through this hell again.
One of the places I have been consistently bugging about an available rental has finally gotten back to me with a big enough place, and below what our "safety" budget is. I am only waiting on them to finish their inspection/refurbish of the place, and then we can move in. We have put back tax money to make sure this move is doable as soon as they are done.
I am again pregnant (not on purpose, I was supposed to have had my tubes tied but I guess it didn't take properly according to my obgyn.) I was more than a little upset to find out, but I am not someone who would abort a child just because they weren't on purpose. My husband and I have decided to make this work as best we can, and we will still be moving to the same place as soon as we can, with minor adjustments to include the new little one. I was also briefly unemployed (a grand total of 2 weeks) and have just started a new job in the last few days which I think will be better for us in the long run anyway.
All this to say, my brother texted me about my son a few days ago. I have been picking him up from school and taking him to my brother's house afterwards every day. This is because my brother lives outside of the school district for my son's high school, and while my brothers children can take him, they often have after school things and my son wants to go "home" and do his homework straight after. Not a big deal. Sometimes my son calls me and tells me that he is getting a ride home with a friend, or his gf, and that's fine too. He's about to be a senior, so I don't mind the commute simply because he shouldn't be made to switch schools just because we failed to provide properly. Our car (we currently only have 1, and are looking to trade it for a van because we're going to need one), broke down randomly. It's 20ish years old, so this isn't entirely unexpected, just super inconvenient while we wait for the parts to come in to fix it. I told my son that if he needed me to come get him, that was fine, but that while we waited for the parts to come in, if he had someone else who could take him to my brother's house for the time being, that would be helpful for now.
At no point did I say I wouldn't come get him, or that he had to ask for a ride daily, or anything of the sort. I made sure he was aware I was still willing to come get him whenever, but that it would help keep the car from breaking down faster if he had a different way ( which he usually does anyway.)
This apparently trigger big brother. And he sent me a couple of messages asking why I was making my child "beg for a ride home" when I could have just let him know if our car was messed up so he could make other arrangements for my son to get there. I explained as succinctly as I could what I had told my son, and that he usually has a ride home that isn't me anyway, so I didn't think it would be a big issue. Nor did I tell him he absolutely had to go with someone else, but that if he had a different way that it would be helpful for the time being. My brother told me I should have discussed it with him instead, and not with my son. He said I was making him feel unloved and excluded, especially considering my pregnancy and the fact that I had another smaller child who I was "replacing" my elder two children with. (that's not a thing, and I have spoken to both of my children several times, and keep them in the loop on all the things happening while we wait for the house.)
There have been several instances where my brother and I have butted heads as far as the kids go, because he tells them to ask me if they can do x, y, or z, and when I answer as I normally would as their mom, and it doesn't align with that he thinks is correct, he then sends me passive aggressive messages and says that I need to consult him first. At first I thought this was a communication break-down between myself and kids, and they were leaving part of it out (the part where bro wanted me to consult him specifically,) but after checking their messages, that's not it at all. He literally tells them to ask me, and when I don't reply as he thinks I should, I get the messages that I mentioned before.
Now on the call he made, he went on for about 30 minutes, screaming at me and telling me I wasn't a good mother, and that I hadn't done anything for my children since they went to stay with him. I told him if he wanted money, I would send money, but that I wasn't trying to exclude my kids from anything, and I was still trying to find a place that was sustainable, and where I was waiting on the house. He knew these things already. He said he didn't want my money, just for me to make more of an effort to spend time with my kids. My eldest daughter also usually rides home with me from a different school. I have offered multiple times for both kids to come over to the apartment, or to come on day trips with us to places. They keep saying they have plans. Even when I specifically ask them to not make plans so I can see them, it ends up happening anyway. I don't dispute this because I don't feel I'm currently in a position to do so, and because teenagers are well.. teenagers. They have their own lives to lead in some respects and hanging out with mom isn't cool anymore, even when I miss them like mad.
I tried explaining all this to my brother but he was having none of it. I ended up parked under an overpass, crying my eyes out, to the point my husband was telling me to hang up because of the amount of stress it was causing me.
to be clear, I know I am failing as a mother right now, but there's nothing anyone else can say that I haven't said to myself, and have probably said even worse.
After a few more minutes of the non-stop berating I was getting, I yelled that as soon as I got my kids home we were completely done and he wouldn't have to worry about seeing the other kids ever again.
I feel i may have overreacted, though my husband says I didn't react enough. I don't know. I think hormones got the best of me, along with the stress of everything. Now my brother is back to being silent (which isn't new) and I feel even worse than when he was yelling at me.
​
AITHA? Did I overstep and overreact considering the fact that he's doing me such a huge favor by keeping my kids safe while I try to stand on my feet again?
​

To most women, being a SAHM would be the dream. Not for me. I’m only a SAHM because we can’t afford daycare for twins (would’ve been my entire salary plus part of my husbands). We live with my mom because we couldn’t afford to buy our own house, the economy sucks. I’m literally DROWNING. I can’t get up and do whatever I want, like my husband. I can’t go to the store without dragging my 2 year olds along. I can’t ever go to doctors appts. I can’t go to the gym without my kids, unlike my husband who gets to go after work. I feel like I have weights tied to my ankles. I hate this. I’m depressed. I wish things were different.

Debated killing myself tonight but had the same feeling I always do when I get close to ending it " you have to stay alive", " you have to stay alive your special compared to others", "no one else could take your place" I get this overwhelming feeling of I'm some sort of God some sort of person the world needs despite me not knowing what I'm " needed" for.
For years I've been working to get my liceanse. Wasn't able to before because of my abusive mom and other issues. I've been driving really well with my boss but today I drove with a co worke fake friend who believes in my mask.
He sees me as this super kind soft spoken gentle person he told me so i used him for his apartment a few months ago to get on my feet after fleeing my horrible living situation. but recently I've been letting my facade slip. Screaming. Being more angry.
Being more vulgar with my words and how I talk about other people around him. Kinda just like being me. Calling people fucking stupid. Saying people should get hit by cars etc. Just all the usual me unmasking stuff.
My co workers car is completely diffrent then anything I have ever driven before. And his gear shift is very strange when it comes to the lay out of the car , his gear shift was surprisingly very hard to understand and just really wonky.
It was a real struggle to tell what gear I was in. It didn't help that he told me to push it in the wrong direction i started driving and I was anxious about looking as perfect as i usually do to my co worker. Prior to today we had many conversations about my driving.
My boss told my co worker I was almost ready for my driving test and that was true. I was kicking ass at driving only needed to work on parallel parking. We'll today when pulling forward I ended up rear ending a car in my co workers car due to anxiety that i never feel unless im in a car especially driving with someone new I've never hit a car before.
I had shifted gears and jolted forward. He started panicking and so did I but I couldn't move gears at first cause he kept directing me to move it the wrong way. I started getting annoyed. And ticked off. Took a deep breath and back off of the car.
He sighed and all the sudden my hearing went fuzzy. My mind went numb and I could feel rage boil up inside me. Then it felt like I just shut down..i completely dissociated, in his now parked car I dissociate when I'm seen as anything but perfect. I then sat in his car staring off into space unable to see the world was real around me.
Like a bomb had gone off and my vision and hearing became wonky. I took a deep breath he asked if I was mentally okay enough to drive after I explained that I was pissed at myself for fucking up when I've been doing fine this entire time. He asked if I wanted to still drive I took a few more deep breaths. Collected myself and grounded myself a little. We then made our way to my house.
It was like I was in auto piolet mode unable to focus on anything but driving forward..that anger had built up and I used it to my advantage. I was seriously driving perfectly and he was praising me. Through deep breaths and internal self talk like " it's okay your still amazing" "it's okay he said it's fine it's okay he said it's fine". The ride was smooth..I kept saying to him " I don't think im gonna get my liceanse,
I'm doing good then I second guess myself then I fuck everything up, I should just give up". A big struggle or mine with driving is taking anyones advice.
This causes issues with teachers and instructors. I can't take criticism because I will treat you like your the worst sack of shit out there if you try to reason with me. I'm aware of that. I think im smarter then instructors even if I know somewhat that I'm not I feel like I am. Same with doctors etc. Ik of my faults atleast some of then.
After getting home I shut the door with a pissed off expression on my face most of the ride was occupied by my stone cold glare. I listened as he awkwardly made commentary on things around us. But I was to annoyed with myself to care. But I also soaked up his awkward uncomfortable rambling. It was nice. His discomfort in a way. His stuttering.
I was also to focused on "being"/ doing better..he told me the first half was rough but I just need more practice despite saying alot more practice privioisly which annoyed me further. I'm over practice I can do this stupid shit. I'm just fuckin stupid sometimes.im tired of instructors going on and on im tired of people correcting me on the stuff they don't even need to be correcting.im tired of driving. I'm tried to talking to people.
I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of wanting people around because of chronic boredom but not wanting to give the same shit back. It's lonely and a boring existence.
I just wanna die. But my mind won't let me it's like there's some proficy tied to me in my own fucked up head. I need help. I don't think im functioning anymore. I'm so tired. But if I fail to kill myself then I'm fucked or some sort of failed proficy. I can't get help from a therpist or other professional due to finances and insurance issues.
I've been trying so hard to get my license I've been staying at a job I hate with shitty people just to do it. But now I don't think I'll even be able to get it sitting through months of this shit and having to get an okay from my co worker sounds like he'll in all honesty. Especially because he makes fun of beginners in the work place and everywhere else in life I've noticed.
Before I was driving with my aunt who would shove her hands into my face and scream at me while driving even if the ride was smooth or down a simple clear street etc. I don't know what I'm gonna do if I don't get my license and I'm forced to keep on foot and by bus like I have been for so long in a city that triggers my ptsd everywhere I go because of the constant trauma I suffered here. Tonight ended in me walking around for hours at night. High off my ass. Pissed at myself it ended in me texting him angrily trying to repair my image with him despite him acting somewhat chill about it. Many sad faces. Many guilt invoking comments on my part followed by small spurts of Venting about my license. Engolfing his texts.
I just want my liceanse I've been working so hard and doing so well up until now. I let the mask slip way to much today.
There's so many benifits I could get from getting my license. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

Cigarettes and rebellion have always gone hand-in-hand, and in an age of cigarette packet-sized health warnings, now more than ever, smoking a fag says: 'I do not give a fuck.' But if Brandon Flowers is hoping to strike a seditious pose by sparking up at the start of the interview, it's not going according to plan. The Killers' frontman is on all fours rooting through the junk that carpets the anteroom at the band's rehearsal space. "Has anyone seen my lighter?" he asks, rocking back on his heels. The question hangs in the air while Brandon cocks his head, waiting for an answer like a meerkat listening for a predator. Twenty-five years old and with a delicate bone structure, there's something almost dainty about him. Receiving no response, he returns to his search. "Oh, Jeez," he sighs. "I had it just a minute ago."
It's a scene that emphatically does not suggest a rebel without a cause. The mess isn't helping. The Killers' HQ - an industrial unit sandwiched between a construction supplier and the offices of a housing development just off Dean Martin Drive in West Las Vegas - is ankle-deep in designer clothing. A Dior Homme suit lies crumpled by the door; there's a pile of shoes topped like a sundae by a pair of Marc Jacobs trainers; and anyone wishing to enter the shoebox room the band use as an office must negotiate a mountain of discarded jeans. Many items are identifiable as coming from the wardrobe of Hot Fuss, The Killers' hugely successful 2004 debut album - triple platinum in the UK with two weeks at Number One and five million sold worldwide. Look! There are the shirts, ties and suit jackets they wore when they thrilled Glastonbury 2005 with indie rock anthems Mr Brightside and Somebody Told Me. That was the crowning moment of a two-and-a-half year tour that finally concluded in October of last year. It seems that after playing that final date in Miami, they returned to Vegas and shrugged off their image onto the floor of this bland white box.
Now a fine layer of dust covers the dead clothes. The Killers have no further use for white tuxedos on their second album, Sam's Town. Today, Brandon wears a black polo shirt, black pin-stripe waistcoat, black jeans and black boots. Where there used to be a layer of foundation, there is now a beard - an untrimmed beard at that. Dave Keuning (30, guitar), Mark Stoermer (29, bass) and Ronnie Vannucci (29, drums) all echo Brandon's black ensemble. Ronnie has added Aviator shades and a handlebar moustache for a dash of motorcycle cop, Dave's frizzy bubble of hair gives him a Marc Bolan-ish air, and there's something very teenage about Mark's scuffed Vans.
Short of walking around wearing sandwich boards saying, "Our new record is a bit heavier than the last one," The Killers couldn't hope to communicate that message more effectively. And they have gained some musical girth on Sam's Town. The pop hooks that made Hot Fuss so irresistible survive intact - see the ringing guitar riffs on first single When You Were Young - but there's a newfound punchiness, coupled with an epic sweep. The minor-to-major uplifts on Bones are fabulously dramatic, the coda to Why Do I Keep Counting? thrillingly intense. Comparisons to Bruce Springsteen have been made. If they overstate the case a little, they are at leaset qualitatively accurate. The Killers are back and this time it's serious - they've got the bootlace ties to prove it.
"Hey, it says here that Springsteen's headlining Glastonbury next year," shouts Ronnie, who's flicking through the NME. He nods sagely at the page without looking up.
"Really?" asks Dave, nicknamed Crazy Dave on account of his alledgedly volatile nature.
"The Boss is headlining one night, we're playing second on the bill the next night and Kylie's headlining the Sunday," says Brandon, charging like a bull through Michael Eavis' as-yet-unannounced line-up with what subsequently proves to be a characteristic gaucheness.
But that lighter is proving elusive. This being America, none of the people hurrying to-and-fro prepping the world for the release of Sam's Town smokes. Manager Robert Reynolds - Bobby Rey to the band - barks into his mobile, booking his band onto eye-wateringly demanding tours. "We're going to make a lot of money," he cackles to himself before switching calls to make a series of stern pronouncements on legal matters. Dave, Mark and Ronnie disappear for a jam session. Artwork is approved, B-sides are decided on and schedules are hammered out.
"I can't find it," Brandon says, finally. But he's not going to be denied the opportunity to underline The Killers reinvention with a puff of smoke. "Let's go to the gas station. I'll have to buy one. It's too busy to talk here anyway."
+
Brandon's black (of course) Volkswagen Touraeg four-wheel drive is barrelling down West Flamingo Road into town. "I was a bell boy there," he says, pointing out of the driver's window at the stucco facade of the Gold Coast casino. "I was working there when we were signed."
Coming from Las Vegas, it is perhaps inevitable that casinos play a big part in The Killers' story; not only is Sam's Town named after one, it was recorded in one, too.
The band began writing songs while on the road with Hot Fuss, turning up early for soundchecks to run through new ideas. On a trip home to Vegas, George Maloof, a hotelier known for cultivating famous friends, invited them to record the album in the new studio he'd built at The Palms, his flagship hotel-cum-gambling den. When the tour finished in October 2005, they returned to Vegas and spent five month finessing the songs they'd sketched out on the road. Then, in February, they decampled to the third floor studio at The Palms and recorded Sam's Town over 11 weeks.
Producer Flood (U2, Depeche Mode) encouraged them to experiment. They overdubbed, fiddled with synthesizers and played with new equipment. It took them five weeks to get the backing vocals right. The band sang the harmonies, then double-tracked them four times. The end result recalls Queen wondering, "Is this is the real life? Is this just fantasy?" When Ronnie, a trained classical percussionist, brought some kettledrums down, eyebrows were raised; but the fabulously bombastic coda on Why Do I Keep Counting? vindicates his indulgence.
"That's kind of the Ben Hur of the album," he says. He's not wrong. Sam's Town is a record on an epic scale. "Yeah, it has drama," he continues. "But, at the same time, I think it's a little more exposed than Hot Fuss. It's a little more naked. Last time it was about a lot of fictional things." By "fictional", Ronnie means that Hot Fuss wore its predominantly British influences for all to see. Brandon's taste in music is rabidly Anglophile - he constantly references The Smiths, The Cure and Joy Division - and it showed. By contrast, Sam's Town is an unequivocally American record. The lyrical imagery is pure American dream - cars, girls, wide-open spaces and escaping to a better life. "We're burning down the highway skyline/On the back of a hurricane that started turning/When you were young," sings Brandon on When You Were Young. That's the basis of the Springsteen comparisons then, though the lack of pathos more closely recalls another blue-collar rocker from New Jersey - Jon Bon Jovi.
The phrase "this town" recurs throughout the album, and it's always receding into the distance as The Killers escape to a new life. "This town was made for passing through/I never did get along with everybody else," sings Brandon on This River Is Wild. On Read My Mind he "never really gave up on breaking out of this two-star town", while on the title track he offers something of an explanation: "Nobody ever had a dream round here."
"With the first record, there was this feeling that there was this world out there that we didn't know," says Mark later in the day. Before The Killers, he studied philosophy: now he's their quiet one. "We wanted to get out and away from this and be somewhere else. We hadn't had a lot of experience - hadn't travelled much - then we were gone for three years. We didn't sit down and say that we wanted to make a record about how we're glad to be home, but that's what happened naturally."
It's not an angsty record. The Killers have already escaped with Hot Fuss, and, having done so, they view the experience fondly now they're back. There's a mistiness to Brandon's eyes as he explains how the album got it's name.
"Sam's Town is a casino on the edge of Vegas," he says. "I grew up in Henderson, which is out on the way to the Hoover Dam. My mom and dad lived in a trailer park, and my dad used to hitchhike up and down Boulder Highway, which is the only way you could get to Vegas. Sam's Town was the first thing you saw on your way in to town. So, when you're driving down Boulder Highway from Henderson, I always thought you finally knew you were getting somewhere when you saw Sam's Town. It was kind of like a beacon."
"It's not a completely American album," contines Brandon. "We still have our English influence, but we're also from the Wild West. Somehow we've managed to unify all that on this album. it's just such a perfect resemblence of what we are."
At the petrol station, Brandon rummages through the glove box looking for change to buy a lighter. "This is a great album," he says, pointing at Highway Companion, the latest from iconic American rocker Tom Petty. "I've always been a big fan of his. He's such a great American artist."
Yes, Brandon: we get the point.
+
When Brandon finally lights his cigarette, he smokes it awkwardly, like a child mimicking something he's seen the grown-ups doing. However, when he cheerfully admits that, "I feel the same mentally as I did when I was 12," it's not a knowing nod to the fact that he sometimes behaves like a loveably precocious child, but a reference to an unusually comprehensive grounding in pop music at an early age.
When Brandon sings about "this town", he doesn't mean Las Vegas. He means Nephi, Utah or Henderson, Nevada, where he spent his childhood. His parents are Mormon and he is the youngest of six children. "I was a surprise," he says. "I've got a 42-year-old sister." If he was issues about his "surprise" status, he chooses to gloss over them. "It turned out perfect because my brother was a teenager when I was a kid," he says. "He would bring home things like Rattle And Hum by U2 and I would watch it. I remember he bought Live In Dallas by Morrissey. It was always him watching these things, or his door was shut and you'd hear The Head On The Door by The Cure blasting through the house and rattling the walls."
The Killers were formed when Brandon answered an advert Dave had placed in a local paper in late 2002. Dave cited Oasis as a big influence; Brandon had seen them play recently and responded; and, as Dave has said in previous interviews: "He was the only person to reply to my ad who wasn't a complete freak." However, the band was born in Brandon's brothers bedroom.
"His room was like a shrine," enthuses Brandon. "It was a holy place. I wish I could show you a picture of it. It was covered in posters. There'd be a big picture of Elvis wearing a bow tie that just said 'The Smiths' [the artwork for The Smiths 1987 single Shoplifters Of The World Unite]. You had The Cure wearing face paint [the artwork to The Cure's 1985 single In Between Days] - all that kind of stuff. I remember Morrissey being on the cover of the NME, with the halo [from 1985] - stuff like that. You just wanted to know about these people 'cause they were so cool. My brother seemed like such a cool person. But he was a teenager, so he wasn't going to be that nice to me, a kid."
Brandon was fascinated by his brother's collection of music, magazines and posters, but he was denied access to them - officially, at least. "I would sneak in," he says. "I knew he'd be angry if he found out, but I would go in as soon as he left the house." For a long time Brandon was too scared to actually play anything. "That didn't come 'til later. I just used to go in there because I liked it. Then I got to the point where I'd actually take a tape out and put it in. It took more guts to do that."
It was a life-changing moment. "I was ten and the first song I played was Sing Your Life by Morrissey. I remember dancing about to it."
The lyrics to Sing Your Life include the lines, "Sing your life/Just walk right up to the microphone/And name all the things that you love/All the things that you loathe." It's intriguing to wonder what Morrissey makes of the neophyte he inspired with these lines.
Eventually, Brandon inherited his brother's tape collection. "It was around the same time CDs started coming out in a big way. He started buying CDs and gave me his tapes. And that was it: it took off from there. I got a hundred of the best albums - all the New Order, all the Morrissey, all The Smiths, The Beatles. I started buying posters. I went to see The Cure in concert. It was just kind of a continuation of my brother. And it was nice because, though my parents were strict, they were already used to it from him. There was no, 'My dad doesn't understand me,' or any of that kind of stuff. My mum likes The Smiths."
Brandon was 13 and his favourite band was late-'70s/early-'80s American new wavers The Cars, and particularly their jaw-droppingly catchy 1979 single Just What I Needed.
"I wouldn't exist without that song," he says. "That was the one. I remember driving around with my mum when I was 13, and we're living in Nephi - a really small town - and I felt so cool when I put that song on. Like: 'I have something that none of these kids I'm going to middle school with tomorrow have.' That excitement is what music's about, isn't it? That's why I understand the mentality of people that don't like us because we've sold so many records. I used to like it when no one else knew about a band. So I get that - I do."
+
Brandon's first band was called Blush Response. It was never going to work out. Not because he refused to move to Los Angeles with them, but because he is utterly - comically - shameless. He's given to making outrageously boastful statements like: "It's not like the '60s, '70s and '80s now. There are only a few bands around that are really good, that just do it. I mean, there's what, five or six of us?"
For the record, in Brandon's estimation, those bands are Franz Ferdinand, Razorlight, The Strokes, The White Stripes, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and, of course, The Killers.
"I don't want people to think I'm lumping myself with other people just to make us sound cool," he says. Really? It sort of sounds like you are. But he just steamrolls through it. "Yeah, but you know what I mean," he says, grinning at his own cheekiness. He's so disgracefully forward you can't help but laugh along with him - Oh you are awful, Brandon! But joking aside, The Killers are the most commercially successful of all the bands he mentions.
Later, back at the rehearsal space, the band run through Sam's Town at deafening volume in preparation for the forthcoming tour - first the US, then the world. The infectious, almost contagious, chorus of When You Were Young sounds fabulous, as do the U2-like guitars and Twin Peaks synths of Read My Mind. Meanwhile, Smile Like You Mean It and Somebody Told Me benefit from the newfound harder edge.
They somewhat heavy-handedly underline the new direction by playing Paranoid by Black Sabbath and Get It On by T Rex. That's the thing: The Killers are not a subtle band. Their songs are like a wet kiss from a girl who's a bit too drunk. They are big and brash, and not everyone loves them for it. Mr Brightside and Somebody Told Me might go down as well at hip nightclubs as they do on the festival circuit, but the DJs play them with the same guilty look they wear when playing a pop record.
"I hate that," says Brandon. "Like writing a song you can hum somehow cheapens it? It makes me think of this quote by Morrissey. Everybody knows how he read Oscar Wilde, Keats and Yates when he was growing up and that he wanted to be a writer. He was talking to this journalist who asked why he hadn't become a writer, and Morrissey said: 'What I do is more powerful than what you do because I can write down these words and you get it to a melody. How can you beat that?' I'm of the same opinion. I don't understand why a good melody that's memorable is a bad thing."
Being dismissed as pop particular aggrieves Ronnie. "When we first came out we got compared to Duran Duran all the time. Jesus Christ! We got a keyboard player now all of a sudden he's Nick Rhodes! Come on!"
"The people who criticise us for being too poppy don't get it," agrees Mark. "I think that's the problem with a lot of rock music. People are afraid to write a song any more. Either that or they can't. And that attitude hurts music in general. The best bands ever have all written great songs. You can still do it and do it intelligently and it can be original. This isn't a studio creation with a producer writing these songs for us. We're not Avril Lavigne, or something like that. We're a real band writing real songs, just like a punk band would do, except that we write pop songs."
You get the impression that The Killers knack for showboating pop hooks that border on vulgar is inextricably tied up with the brazen side of Brandon's personality. But while his ebullient charisma, not to mention the songs themselves, mitigates his outrageousness, there is a less attractive side to his ego. He has a combative streak. He can't resist taking pot shots at emo bands, notably Fall Out Boy, whith whom The Killers share an A&R man.
Has he heard how many emo kids it takes to change a light bulb? "No." None. They just sit in the dark and cry. It's a full 30 seconds before he stops laughing. When he does he admits: "Yeah, we've had problems with other bands. You know, when you walk in the room it's like..." He whistles the theme to The Good, The Bad And The Ugly. "We're like gangs."
And while the other members of the band are diplomatic on the subject of Brandon, you don't have to read too deeply between the lines to conclude that there have been internal issues, too.
"Some people will think Brandon's the big genius," says Dave, visibly bridling. "There are songs, such as Why Do I Keep Counting?, where he's written every note. But there are others, like When You Were Young, that were more of a collaboration - like Mr Brightside, where I had some of the music and Brandon came up with the lyrics. We always have arguments about who wrote what. The truth is that we all help in that process."
When asked how success affected them, Ronnie says: "There were certain things that needed adjusting. When you're on tour for two years, people can get a little needy. It doesn't help that you're surrounded by yes men and everybody's working for you. At times we've had to say, 'Who do you think you are?' to people. No one wears the trousers, but some people would like to. I think if it wasn't for the people in the band kicking each other in the ass... Let's just say there was some ass-kickin'."
It doesn't take a genius to work out whose ass needed kicking most often.
+
It's the following day and The Killers are back at their rehearsal space. The topic of discussion is what to wear in the video for Bones, the second single. It's a big deal: the director is Tim Burton. "I feel like Frank Sinatra when I sing it," announces Brandon. "With maybe a little bit of Morrissey and a little bit of Elvis, too."
Of course he does. But if securing the services of Tim Burton tells you one thing, it's that The Killers are about to get even bigger, perhaps even make the leap to the same level as Coldplay et al. Already stars, they are about to become superstars. Brandon can hardly wait.
"Do you know that Rolling Stone didn't want to put us on the cover last time," he says indignantly. "They didn't think we were stars. We sold five million albums! What more do they want from a band?"
Whatever was required, Brandon would be happy to do most things. "I'll do stuff that some people don't want to do, 'cause I want people to hear the music," he says. However, even he has limits. "The Rolling Stone thing made the record label think: 'What can we do to make them stars?' If I go on vacation with my wife, do they have to send somebody to be there to take pictures of me? Is that how you become a star? I don't want that. I walked down the red carpet one time and I realised I don't like it. But you don't have to walk down the red carpet for people to hear your music. We do still have some of that indie blood running through our veins."
He heads off at a tangent: "When you walk around Liverpool, you think of The Beatles, or you go to Manchester and you think of The Smiths or Oasis. I want you to come to Las Vegas and think of Sam's Town. And I think we've started to capture that, which is a truer version of The Killers, 'cause that's where we're from."
He pauses.
"I used to live across the street from Sam's Town. Maybe it'll be like our Abbey Road where people go to take pictures."
Is that what he'd like?
"I wouldn't mind it," he says, desperately hoping it will come true.
He puts a cigarette between his lips, looks down at his trouser pockets and pats them in search of the lighter he bought yesterday.
"Hey, I don't suppose you've got one?"

I went to the grocery store today and a guy there told me I had a nice ass. I hate my life I hate being perceived as a woman. I like being a woman but on my masc/agender days I hate my boobs, I hate my wide hips, and I hate my butt. I've been told my whole life(since I was like 13) by my mom and female relatives that some people would love to have a butt like mine(Genetics that I hate, I come from a family with wide hips and yes... larger than average buttocks). I'm too scared to come out bc without top surgery and a butt/thigh reduction I will always be perceived as a girl. And I just want to be androgynous sometimes, so I can easily switch between masc/fem. I even bought a tie the other day but I can't help but cry cause it won't look the way I want it to with my boobs. I want top surgery so bad but I can't afford it. I thought I could deny my agendemasc side cause my genderfluidity includes femininity. I want to be HANDSOME sometimes. but I can't and won't because of my body. My cis female friends always compliment my butt. Even at gay clubs I've gotten compliments about my boobs and my butt. Straight clubs are literal hell for me. (Respectfully) I don't want to those compliments, even if i am wearing revealing clothing. I feel disgusting when it's a masc moment for me and I didn't get to change my clothes so im stuck wearing a fem outfit(even though ig it doesnt matter bc I'll be perceived as a girl regardless). I look up genderfluid inspo on tiktok and it's all people with small chests and I can't help but feel hopeless bc without top surgery I will never be like them. I want to be beautiful and handsome at the same time... I dont know what to do... I only recently stopped denying my genderfluidity, so I'm still trying to learn to love myself for that. All of this, accepting my agendemasc side, is still new to me. It's just hard when my body does not allow me to be perceived as masc/agender...
any advice? or any afab with a similar experience, I just feel so alone in this :( all the genderfluid people I see on social media are nothing like what I look like...
im sorry if I sound like a asshole. That man telling my I had a nice ass in the grocery store was my final straw(it was an agendemasc day for me, I was wearing a large t shirt and baggy jeans. my pathetic attempt at being masc apparently). On top of getting harassed, I was misgendered and perceived as a heterosexual cis woman.

I ‘29 F’ have been dating my boyfriend ‘36 M’ for 4 years now. Before my boyfriend now I was in an extremely abusive relationship for 4 years. The abuse started after a week. It was verbal, to a slap, to punching, to kicking me while I was on the ground, breaking my fingers for fun to putting me in the hospital multiple times and sexual abuse. Once I was out of it I was able to recognize the patterns I was so blind to for 4 years. Love bombing, the apologies the “over protectiveness” that involved going through my phone and checking the odometer on my car. I met my current boyfriend shortly after cutting all ties with my ex. Restraining orders the whole nine yards. To put it simply he was the most gentle soul I’ve ever met. He’s taken care of me, been with me through several mental health breakdowns and the constant therapy and meds to help me recover from my past. I’ve been diagnosed with severe PTSD and still deal with panic attacks to this day. 9 months in we found out we were expecting a baby. A miracle considering my past injuries severely inhibited my fertility. Our son is 2 years old now with the most bubbly personality and loves his mommy and daddy. My boyfriend let me quit my job to be a stay at home mom because our son has some medical problems of his own that have required a lot of appointments and time.
To the current matter. Yesterday I was giving our son a bath. He’s recently developed a hate for water and was screaming every time the water touched him. It wasn’t too hot it was barely lukewarm as in the past I thought that might be the problem. I decided to just go fast get his hair washed and get him out so I could calm him down. In all fairness he was screaming bloody murder as 2 year olds sometimes do when something isn’t necessarily the biggest matter. My boyfriend kept popping in and out trying to bring him toys that he would then just chuck at me full of water. I was soaked and when he came in he was pushing in front of me blocking me from being able to catch him if he decided to throw himself down as 2 year olds sometimes do. The in and out was also making him madder. I screamed “Get out!” and slammed the bathroom door as soon as he was out, trying to get control of the situation in yes, probably the wrong way. Out of nowhere my boyfriend slammed the door open balled his fists screamed “do that again I’ll beat the fuck out of you” and half lunged. I flinched and every bad moment I’ve ever experienced in the past came back. So much so that I braced to take it. He never hit me, he stormed out and I blurted out “we’re breaking up” I got my son out of the bath, got him dried off and dressed trying my best not to cry and scare him although he probably already was. I was shaking as I hugged him looked at my boyfriend and just said “Get out”. He listened. He walked up the street and called an Uber and checked himself into an inpatient psych/rehab facility. He’s had substance use issues in the past we both have but we’ve both been clean these past 4 years and I know he hasn’t relapsed on substances but mental disorders yes. Depression, his own PTSD from being stabbed at 16.
Here’s my dilemma. He gets out of inpatient tommorow night. After my psycho ex I firmly set for myself boundaries that I would never allow to be crossed again. 1 strike and done. Everything I’ve learned about domestic violence tells me to run. I’m just stunned because not once in 4 years has this man ever made me feel anything but safe. My little boy loves his daddy and I do too. Do I tell myself “He won’t do it again” like I did all those years with my ex or do I believe it this time.
I cried all night last night trying to get my panic attacks under control after I put my son to bed. Emotionally I’ve been thrown back 2 years of progress and my son deserves a present mom. But doesn’t he also deserve his daddy? Will I ever be able to unsee those 15 seconds that have sent all our worlds into chaos?
We went to the park all day today and got happy meals if you need to hear something positive after all that.

Memory Transcript Subject: Carlos Jose Rodriguez, Mechanical Engineer, Florida Man
Date [Standardized Human Time]: December 29th, 2136
When Yalga passed out on the couch I sent a message to the family group chat making sure everyone knew of the situation.
I needed to get Yalga into the hospital, but I didn’t want to do it myself. Pyon also needed a sitter, so I was waiting for mom to come back so Salisek and I could focus on Yalga.
Me: Yalga burned herself on the heat pad. We’re taking her to the ER. Mom, could you come home to take care of Pyon.
Mom: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BURNED HERSELF?! We’re coming home!
Tarvik: On our way. We’ll help you take her.
I didn’t want to bother them, but I couldn’t complain. I needed help. While I waited for them to arrive I poured a cool glass of water for Yalga so she could hydrate herself when she gets up. I gently nudged her awake, which made her groan in discomfort as her eyes opened.
“Dad? What’s going on?” She asked weakly. Her voice was a little rough.
“I’m gonna take you to the doctor,” I answered bluntly. “I am aware, you don’t love doctors but these people can help you much better than me. I’ll be with you as much as I can, holding your hand. Can you be brave for me?”
My daughter nodded yes, so I got up and went upstairs to grab something we’re definitely gonna need. I also made sure Salisek got the news. She probably saw through the chat, but I needed to be sure.
I peeked into our room, or at least the room the girls were staying in together. “Honey?” I called the mother of my children. Salisek was cradling Pyon, trying to calm him down. Pyon was holding his teddy tight enough to cause some visible rips and tears. I need to ask mom to fix that later. “How is he?”
Pyon buried his face in Saliseks chest fur, and made some small whining sounds. “He’s scared. We heard Yalga scream and didn’t know what was going on. He soiled himself when he heard Yalga and has been crying for a while now. He only just stopped. He can sense I’m worried too.”
“You changed him right?”
“Yeah, although I didn’t think now was a good time for potty training. What are you getting?”
Salisek followed me to my mom’s room and watched me search around the closet. “Almost a decade ago, my dad was hit by a car. Something about the sensors being screwed up. He’s obviously fine now, but the car didn’t stop just in time so he broke a leg. Thank God that’s all he got. Anyway, he bought a wheelchair and kept it- Aha!”
I freed the simple contraption buried under a mountain of clothes dad considered put away and carried it downstairs.
“We’re gonna need this. It’s gonna be way easier to move Yalga.”
Salisek continued to cradle Pyon, rocking him back and forth, as she talked to me, “What do you need me to do?”
“Stay with Pyon.”
“No.”
“We’re not arguing about this. I need you to stay-”
“Pardon me, could you repeat that!? Have you forgotten that despite that fact we aren’t married yet we both signed as the legal guardians of both Pyon AND Yalga. Or did you want to call your barber for help?”
Hearing Salisek use her angry voice when talking about anything other than Exterminator and Federation bigotry felt like a punch in the gut.I tried to defuse the situation. That worked about as well as it did when dad tried it.
“Hun, that’s not what I mea-”
“MY-” Salisek paused when she remembered she was still carrying Pyon who was looking at her as if she yelled at him. “Oh, I’m so sorry pup just…” She shifted Pyon's position so he could bury his face into her fur to distract her. She softened her voice, but made it stern as steel. “My daughter is in an incredible amount of pain. She is scared, she is tired. I will be there. Pyon will come with, so he can see his sister being taken care of. I. Will. Be. There. For. My. Daughter. Am I clear?”
I help up my hands in defeat. “Okay. We’ll leave as soon as the family gets here.”
Saliseks voice and posture softened. “Okay. Again this time. What can I do?”
Seeing how serious she was, I realized doing this on my own was a stupid idea from the start. “Pack some snacks. I’m not getting overcharged for crappy hospital junk. And while you’re in the kitchen please grab more water for Yalga. I gotta make sure the bandaging is on well and she’s okay.”
“Okay.”
Salisek walked to the kitchen, still carrying Pyon. At times like these, I know I made the right decision marrying her.
“I love you sweetheart!” I called out.
“I love you too hun!” She called back.
I pulled the wheelchair out so Yalga could get in it. I could try and carry her, but unfortunately with her size and weight it would be better to transport her like this. Even if it’s a short distance.
“Daddy,” Yalga called.
“Yeah.”
“Are you and Mommy mad at each other?” She asked innocently. “Did I do something wrong? I heard Mom say my name.”
I knelt down to give my daughter an assuring kiss on her head. “No kiddo. We had a disagreement like all adults. It’s solved now. We still love each other.”
Despite her monotone voice, it couldn’t hide the tears building in her eyes. “Okay.”
I ignored it for the moment because she was probably gonna cry more in a moment. I opened the chair as much as it could go and gave the seat a nice solid pat.
“We’re gonna put you here, then we’re going to the Emergency Room.”
“Do I have to get up?”
“Yeah. You do. Grab my hand. We’ll go slow.”
Yalga held my hand and grasped it tight. I need to remember that she has a very strong grip. To keep her even I used my other hand to push her up from the other side so she didn’t have to do the work.
I’m so glad I go to the gym.
We slowly worked together to lift her up so she could sit straight.
“Ow, ow!”
“I know it hurts. Take your time.”
Once we got her up we had to get her into the chair. I thought about the best way to put her tail. Through the hole in the back? Would it just drag to the ground? Wait!
I went to the side of the couch where there was a thin blanket for me and Salisek when we slept here. If I can tie the blanket on the handles it can keep her tail up without squishing it. I just need to get her on first.
“Okay Princess. Let’s get up. Can you stand?”
“Y-Yeah. Um, Dad?”
Yalga awkwardly clutched her tail. “I need to use the bathroom.”
My eyes darted from the bathroom to the couch and back. “No better time to test the wheelchair.”
[Memory Transcript Time Skip: 40 Minutes]
Even though it was getting late the traffic was still a lot. Once Salisek was ready we both called our parents and they both said that traffic was heavy. With it being the last Saturday of the year, Florida residents and tourists alike were enjoying their day.
We decided to just meet at the ER. The blanket trick for Yalga’s tail worked well and it didn’t hurt too much for her to walk once she got up. However, sitting down hurt her a lot unless it was in the wheelchair. Her tail probably played a factor since it didn’t have a place to sit except on the side when dealing with regular chairs.
Once we got to the hospital I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t that packed. Because of increased tourism and parties things can get crowded this time of year. Thankfully that wasn’t the case today. I didn’t want my daughter waiting more than she had too.
When I opened the side door, Yalga was already half up just so she could get into a chair with room for her tail. I helped carry her down and rolled her through the hospital's parking lot.
Salisek was having a difficult time carrying Pyon. He was pretty nervous. “Mawmy, I don wan to gow en.”
I didn’t understand why Pyon was scared but Mawmy was able to calm him down. “It’s okay pup. This place is filled with very nice and smart people who can help your big sister.”
My daughter didn’t say much, instead she looked around the large hospital and took in all the architecture and bright lights at the front. The front and lobby areas were clean and comfortable which helped a little to ease the tensions of anyone going in with something they believe is serious.
I rolled Yalga straight to the front desk and we were greeted by the medical receptionist. “Hello, how may I help you?”
I smiled politely and spoke calmly, “Hello, I’m Carlos Rodriguez and this is my daughter Yalga. She was using a heating pad and unfortunately suffered some burns. I was able to patch her up a little, but the gels and methods we have are for humans so I want to make sure she can heal properly. I would also like a professional to look at other areas of concern dealing with her limbs and back.”
“Any pain, shortness of breath, chest pain, profuse bleeding?”
“Her back usually causes her pain and the burning made it worse.”
She gestured to my fiance and son, “Are those two with you?”
“The tall Venlil woman is Salisek, my fiance, and she’s holding our son Pyon. They came for emotional support and to assist with anything Yalga may need.”
“We’ll get you someone right away. Please wait in the lobby.”
“Thank you.”
I knew they probably wouldn’t rush us in since even though Yalga is in pain, there’s no direct threat to her life. The most they’d do is probably a tetanus shot. I suppose I’ll have to worry if Yalga reacts to needles. I’ll try to calm her down because I could tell Yalga was still tense. I rolled her to a seating area with a TV playing Tom and Jerry.
Peak Fiction
With all the stress Yalga was going through, there’s nothing like cartoon violence to ease the mood. What would also ease the mood is having the family visit which according to a message they just sent, they were already here just finding parking.
Soon everyone entered the hospital and after a quick chat with the receptionist, along with me flagging them down, they joined us in the lobby. Helen and Chalta ran to Yalga the quickest.
“Yalga, are you okay?!” Chalta asked. “We heard your back got hurt!”
Helen was about to tackle Yalga into a hug before I stopped her. “Helen, Yalga isn’t feeling well. Please be careful she’s in a lot of pain.” Helen was visibly worried but still gently gave Yalga a supportive hug.
“Get better soon please.”
Talice and Tarvik were surrounding Salisek, asking questions on how they could help.
“Mom, it’s fine, really.”
“No, it’s not fine. Your father and I are here to help so please be honest with us. We’ll help with anything you need. We’ll take Helen home soon but the moment you need anything we’ll be right there.”
“Why isn’t she seeing a doctor yet? What kind of place is this?!”
Mom went over to Salisek who was still holding Pyon. “I can take him sweetie, get some rest.”
Salisek cradled a stressed Pyon in her arms, “Do you wanna go with Grandma, little pup?”
“Gwandma.”
Salisek gently handed Pyon over to my mother who instantly knew how to calm him down. Salisek fell into the chair next to me. She was pretty exhausted and it was getting late. The stress of everything is what really made her worry. Seeing your child in pain isn’t fun. My father put a hand on each of our shoulders.
“Is everything alright?” he asked.
I looked over to my daughter who was trying to watch the cartoon with her sisters but still had a hard time focusing because of the pain, as evident by her trying to adjust herself. I gave her a tap on her shoulder and mouthed “how are you feeling?”. I could only hear a little whisper, but it was enough to understand she was saying “It still hurts.”
Dad could overhear what we were trying to say and knelt down next to Yalga. “What would you like to do when we leave?”
“I’m a little hungry. Can we go eat later?”
“Of course, anything you want.”
I was grateful for my dad, that we remembered to comfort Yalga in all this. I was so new to everything, not to mention the speed at which everything was happening.
…
Where’s the doctor!
“Carlos Rodriguez,” She called just as my patience was wearing thin. “We’re ready to see you now.”
“Thank you. One moment.”
I quickly talked with my parents and in-laws about who is going home and who is staying. My mom offered to take Pyon home and to tuck him in, Salisek agreed. Talice decided to go with and made sure to bring Chalta and Helen back since they knew they might get bored or cause trouble. Tarvik and Dad were conversing for a bit about who should stay before settling on Dad since he’s more familiar with the hospital.
Salisek gave Pyon a strong nose nuzzle, “I’ll see you later, okay Pyon? Mommy will be home soon. Be good to grandma, okay?”
“Owkay Mawmy.”
“I love you.”
“I wuv yu tu.”
Helen and Chalta gave Yalga a big, but gentle, hug.
“Get better soon.”
“We’ll play lots of games together when you get back.”
Everyone quickly said their goodbyes so it was just me, Yalga, Salisek, and Dad. We followed the nurse to a room and were asked to wait until the doctor arrived. Yalga was really on edge.
“Dad, are you gonna tell Odin about me?”
“It hasn’t crossed our minds. Do you want us to call him so you can talk for a bit?”
“No thank you, I don’t want him to worry.” My daughter fidgeted with her claws in shame. She didn’t want Odin to see her hurt. The moment she’s okay, I’m planning a date for her and Odin. With chaperones of course. “Are the doctors here nice?” Yalga asked nervously.
“Of course they are, Princess. Just answer honestly and they’ll help you get better.”
They’ll help you get better… I hope.
[Memory Transcript Time Skip: 60 Minutes]
“So the spray will help heal and clean the burn so it doesn’t get sick?” Yalga asked curiously.
“That’s right,” Dr. Brown stated. “Soon we’ll give you a small shot to help protect against tetanus. It’s a very dangerous condition that can happen when you get a cut or burn. But you’re being very brave, I’ll see if we can get you a treat later. That is, if your parents are okay with it.”
“gasp Can I daddy?! Pleeeeeeease, I’ve been soooo good.”
I smiled brightly, “Of course you can.”
Dr. Brown was a huge blessing. The guy had been working with kids for a while and was great with Yalga. He was really good at relaxing her and explaining to her what was going on. He was honest and genuine. Salisek really liked him too, and even asked some questions herself. I also remembered him during my reckless years. He recognized me too.
“You’re daddy was quite the troublemaker back in his day.”
“Really?”
“Yup, when he was small he proudly came to me with a broken wrist.”
“Why would he be proud of that?”
“He got it trying to impress his crush.”
Seven-year-old me told you that in confidence.
I awkwardly looked at Salisek, but all she could do was stare and slowly smile while turning to my dad for more information.
“Do you happen to know the full story, dad?” Salisek teased.
“Well daughter, Carlos had a small crush on this girl named Jessica in the second grade and he tried to impress her by jumping off the swing set. He succeeded and flung himself so far into the air that when he landed on his wrist he needed a cast for months.”
“H-Hey! You laugh but it worked. She sat next to me at lunch and gave me her lunchables, that’s like… the pinnacle of love in second grade.”
I earned a laugh from everyone in the room, which almost made me forget that it was at my expense.
“Um, what is a lunchable?” Dr. Triva asked. She was a Zurulian working with Dr. Brown, trying to work with and understand the Arxur biology. While she was important in treating Yalga’s burn with her experience with Harchen Exterminators she would be even more important in trying to understand her condition as a whole. Zurulians have the best medical understanding compared to… pretty much everyone.
“It’s a children’s meal kit for both vegan and non-vegan foods, it’s popular for kids in school lunches.” Dr. Brown took his eyes off his colleague and gave me a sly look. “But let’s be honest, there was never any real meat in those things.”
Yalga’s interests also peaked. “Were they tasty?”
“Back in my day they were the best part of school. They were also a status symbol. Having the best lunchables meant you were the coolest kid.”
“What was the best one, Daddy?”
“Pizza.”
Of course it was pizza. It’s always pizza.
Pizza is God’s gift to the world.
Dr. Triva grabbed the syringe for the shot while Dr. Brown prepped the area. The sight of the needle made Yalga nervous.
“D-Daddy, do we have to…”
“Hey Princess, look at this.”
Yalga took her gaze off the needle and onto my phone where I showed her my favorite distraction.
[Behold Distraction]
“What is that?” Yalga asked. “I like the sounds.”
The legend Zach Choi, his legacy continued by his descendants, loved making short videos of him just cooking. This one was one of the rare ones that didn’t feature meat. Yalga was fully entranced into the process that she didn’t even react to the needle or the bandaid.
“Good job my beautiful pup!” Salisek cheered.
“Yeah… in a minute, mom.”
Dr. Brown chuckled, “I think I should start using those for nervous patients, right Dr. Triva?”
“Yeah… in a minute, Dr. Brown.”
I took my phone away before everyone forgot why they were here and we were ready to proceed. The doctors wanted to really get a look at Yalga and her condition. On the promise of peanut butter cookies and meat lovers pizza Yalga bravely went through all the X-Ray’s, bloodwork, medical history, and any other examinations they needed.
It took a while and she was starting to get frustrated with all the tests, but she persisted, and soon it was over. They allowed us to stay the night to monitor the burn area in case complications arose. So we all stayed in the hospital room, enjoying our time together as if it was a little adventure.
“Mommy look, the bed moves!”
“Pup, please don’t break it.”
Yalga went crazy when she saw how many buttons the hospital bed had, and needless to say, she was enjoying it. She kept Dad occupied with all her questions both about the hospital and about anything else her mind could think of. She was happy to be done with the tests.
“Grandpa, do you think they’ll let me see my bone pictures later?”
“Sure, but they need someone who is trained to look at them first and show them to the doctors.”
“There’s someone who knows how to look at pictures of bones?”
“Yup, they can see things we can because they’re bone smart. Do you wanna be a doctor when you grow up?”
“I dunno. Maybe I can be a doctor for bones, a bone doctor!”
It was nice seeing her happy, but Salisek and I were still worried about what they would find. What would it take to heal Yalga? Could they do it? I think so, but how long will it take? I don’t care about the financial cost, I care about the physical and mental toll it would take on Yalga. But would we have a choice?
I looked to my fiance who was rapidly tapping her foot onto the ground, impatiently waiting for the doctor to come back in and give us the news on Yalga’s condition.
“It can’t be that bad right?” she whispered. “With aid from the Zurualians they must have a way to easily fix Yalga’s condition. So what’s taking them so long?”
“They’re probably just double checking some things. I’m sure it’s nothing.” I could tell she was still stressed, so I held her hand and kissed her cheek. “Our daughter will be fine.”
Salisek tried to keep herself from crying for Yalga’s sake, but had the doctors not finally arrived she might’ve broken.
“Carlos, Salisek? You’re the parents correct?” Dr. Trivia asked. “I’ll just need to see you both very quickly to discuss some things.”
Finally ready for some answers we quickly got up, kissed our baby goodbye for now, and followed the Zurulian to a small room with Dr. Brown.
“Mr. Rodriguez and Mrs., do you prefer to be called Salisek or are you fine with adopting Mrs. Rodriguez?” The doctor politely asked.
“I’m fine with either, but I would like to get used to Mrs. Rodriguez.” I could feel her hand strengthen her grip in mine.
“Wonderful,” Dr. Brown took out a small folder that showed some of Yalga’s X-Rays, notes, and documents. “First things first, your daughter's burns should heal very soon.”
“Courtesy of Zurulian medicine and Harchen Exterminator Accidents.”
“Yes, thank you Dr. Triva. But of course this is not the only information you wanted to know about. The condition of your daughter is concerning. Not only because of the condition of her injuries, but also her condition that allows her body to grow at an exaggerated rate.”
Dr. Triva put the X-Ray slides on a projector for us to see. Seeing Yalga’s bones and how badly they were broken made my stomach turn, and my heart sink. I could hear Salisek’s gasp from how shocked she was.
It looked like a child had rearranged the right side of her body like a poorly constructed jigsaw puzzle. What made things worse was that the other side of her body looked nearly untouched meaning we could see all the damage her sperm donor did. I know how it felt to have broken a few bones as a kid. Her life would’ve been torture for me. I have know idea how she could live like that.
Why didn’t I take her here the moment we got home? How long has she been suffering like this?
“As you can see the limbs that didn’t grow as much were the ones that were injured the most. Trauma can be a factor in how limbs develop,” Dr. Triva explained. “You can see here how the bones didn’t heal correctly. Upon questioning your daughter it’s no question her back holds the most problems, but looking at her arms and legs it’s possible they’re also providing an incredible amount of discomfort and pain.”
Salisek wrapped her tail around my leg nervously. “So, what does this mean?”
“It means,” Dr. Brown continued. “That before we even think about her back we should address what’s going on in the rest of her body. If you look at her pelvic bone you can see it isn’t straight due to her walking on uneven legs for lord knows how long. So we think it would be best to first start realigning the bones as well as doing the appropriate extensions. My only concern is that her accelerated growth may cause complications, so she’ll need to visit here frequently.”
My fiance’s grip tightened as she looked deeper into the X-Rays, “I see. How long will it take for her to recover?”
“Several months, due to the severity of it. We can do the arms and legs separately, but that would be up to you. There’s a possibility it could take longer. We just can’t be certain with her growth, but we’ll have experts working round the clock on her case.”
“I-I see. But you can help her right?”
“We will do all within our power to make sure your daughter is healthy and lives a pain free life.
“Thank you… could you give us a moment. We would like to let our daughter know about it before we make arrangements.”
“Of course. Please let us know when you’re ready.”
We politely walked out of the room and turned around the corner away from where Yalga was.
“Honey?” I asked. “Is everything okay?”
I almost fell over when she pulled me in for a hug. I could barely hear her through her bleats and cry’s. “Look at what that monster did to her.”
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I ‘29 F’ have been dating my boyfriend ‘36 M’ for 4 years now. Before my boyfriend now I was in an extremely abusive relationship for 4 years. The abuse started after a week however. It was verbal, to a slap, to punching, to kicking me while I was on the ground, breaking my fingers for fun to putting me in the hospital multiple times and sexual abuse too graphic to put here. Once I was out of it I was able to recognize the patterns I was so blind to for 4 years. Love bombing, the apologies the “over protectiveness” that involved going through my phone and checking the odometer on my car. I met my current boyfriend shortly after cutting all ties with my ex. Restraining orders the whole nine yards. To put it simply he was the most gentle soul I’ve ever met. He’s taken care of me, been with me through several mental health breakdowns and the constant therapy and meds to help me recover from my past. I’ve been diagnosed with severe PTSD and still deal with panic attacks to this day. 9 months in we found out we were expecting a baby. A miracle considering my past injuries severely inhibited my fertility. Our son is 2 years old now with the most bubbly personality and loves his mommy and daddy. My boyfriend let me quit my job to be a stay at home mom because our son has some medical problems of his own that have required a lot of appointments and time.
To the current matter. Yesterday I was giving our son a bath. He’s recently developed a hate for water and was screaming every time the water touched him. It wasn’t too hot it was barely lukewarm as in the past I thought that might be the problem. I decided to just go fast get his hair washed and get him out so I could calm him down. In all fairness he was screaming bloody murder as 2 year olds sometimes do when something isn’t necessarily the biggest matter. My boyfriend kept popping in and out trying to bring him toys that he would then just chuck at me full of water. I was soaked and when he came in he was pushing in front of me blocking me from being able to catch him if he decided to throw himself down as 2 year olds sometimes do. The in and out was also making him madder. I screamed “Get out!” and slammed the bathroom door as soon as he was out, trying to get control of the situation in yes, probably the wrong way. Out of nowhere my boyfriend slammed the door open balled his fists screamed “do that again I’ll beat the fuck out of you” and half lunged. I flinched and every bad moment I’ve ever experienced in the past came back. So much so that I braced to take it. He never hit me, he stormed out and I blurted out “we’re breaking up” I got my son out of the bath, got him dried off and dressed trying my best not to cry and scare him although he probably already was. I was shaking as I hugged him looked at my boyfriend and just said “Get out”. He listened. He walked up the street and called an Uber and checked himself into an inpatient psych/rehab facility. He’s had substance use issues in the past we both have but we’ve both been clean these past 4 years and I know he hasn’t relapsed on substances but mental disorders yes. Depression, his own PTSD from being stabbed at 16.
Here’s my dilemma. He gets out of inpatient tommorow night. After my psycho ex I firmly set for myself boundaries that I would never allow to be crossed again. 1 strike and done. Everything I’ve learned about domestic violence tells me to run. I’m just stunned because not once in 4 years has this man ever made me feel anything but safe. My little boy loves his daddy and I do too. Do I tell myself “He won’t do it again” like I did all those years with my ex or do I believe it this time.
I cried all night last night trying to get my panic attacks under control after I put my son to bed. Emotionally I’ve been thrown back 2 years of progress and my son deserves a present mom. But doesn’t he also deserve his daddy? Will I ever be able to unsee those 15 seconds that have sent all our worlds into chaos?
We went to the park all day today and got happy meals if you need to hear something positive after all that.

In a flash of inspiration I suggested a small AU idea on discord... And people encouraged me to cook and cook hard. So I did and here's the result. I will likely have this as a 'backburner' fic to Broken Birds, writing one when I have no energy for other, so this will be lower in priority, but I hope it's enjoyable for you anyway.
Thanks to SpacePaladin15 for great universe, characters and letting fanfiction flow, as well as JulianSkies for inspiring the name of the fic and several other discord members (you KNOW who you are) for encouraging my horribleness. Without further ado... Let's open the doors of this AU.
CW: Arxur Dietary Habits, Child Suffering, Dismemberment
Memory Transcription Subject: Stynek, Venlil Cattle
Date [standardized human time]: July 12, 2136
Fur surrounding my eyes hurt from layers upon layers of dried tears. I’ve cried so much over past months, with nobody to tell me it’s going to be okay. I missed mommy. I missed my teacher. I missed my friends. I was surrounded by strangers, some of different species, but mostly venlil. None of them cared when I cried. Most cried by themselves, and to themselves instead. Nobody wanted to really talk to me, except this one other venlil child I met. I don’t even remember the name he told me. But he did know something. That me and him wouldn’t be eaten for a while because we’re too young. Unless someone important wanted to eat us. That’s why adults are bitter at the children. We weren’t in the ‘breeding pen’, whatever that meant, but in the food pen. And until I was old enough to be ‘sufficiently edible’, I’d stay here. Adults knew that. They knew that when arxur came around and chose meals out of the crowd, they’d ignore the scrawny child, so they were bitter at my luck.
I wanted to cry again, but at this point, no tears were coming out. I wished I could talk to the boy, but we got separated when they moved me and a bunch of adults onto the ship. I overheard some adults mumbling about us being rations. That made me cry more when I realized what it meant. Did it mean I was lied to? That I really was old enough to be eaten after all? I regretted wanting to grow up sooner. I was always upset when mom told me I couldn’t do something. I had to listen both because she was my mom and because she was our Governor. Now I missed hearing her voice, even if it was just telling me that I must go to bed on time and stop snacking too much before second meal.
It’s been days since I was brought to the ship. Unlike the pens I’ve been in before, this one was slowly emptying. Before, new people always were thrown in to replace ones taken to be eaten. Every day a few people would be grabbed by the arxur and dragged out. Some screaming and pleading for mercy. Those just get ignored, as everyone, myself included, huddles together in far corner. Others would accept their fate and let themselves be taken. Those are even sadder. More people start crying after seeing someone who looks dead even while still breathing taken to be finished off.
I rubbed my temple where there was still a small wound. Every cattle taken to this ship had their implants removed. I couldn’t understand anything non-venlil were saying. Or arxur for that matter. Not that much was being said...
Suddenly every head was up and all ears were flicking. I slightly turned my head to see towards the entrance. An arxur, standing in doorway, slowly scanning the crowd with predatory glint. My sense of time was barely intact, but schedule was rigid, it was too early for feeding time today. So why are they here and why are they selecting a prey already?
Suddenly I realized that it was looking directly at me, its binocular gaze locking onto my eye. I couldn’t help my reaction, yelping and flinching away, trying to scuttle towards the corner. But it seems the arxur made its choice. As it stepped and started walking towards me, the crowd parted. It was almost like that experiment with anti-magnets my teacher showed once in class, except I was the one repelling everyone around me. I tried reaching out and crawling towards them, but they just furthered the distance. Nobody was willing to contest arxur’s chosen meal.
“Please... I don’t want to...”, I cried, but it fell on deaf ears. Then I felt it. A scaly hand of a monster wrapped around my ankle. I tried thrashing, but before I could, I was lifted upside down, hitting my head on cold hard floor in process. Ow... It hurt. My vision blurred, from both the hit dizzying me and the tears that were now filling my eyes. I was being taken out... To be devoured by predators... Daddy... Mommy... “Mommy... Mommy!”
I didn’t hear anything but my own cries and clacks of arxur claws against metal floor as I was taken out of the pen. Outside of pen always seemed like nicer place to be. It was better lit and cleaner from what little I could glimpse whenever door opened. Now I’d give anything just to go back to the dirty pen, huddled together with people who don’t care about me... I didn’t want to die! I wanted to go home! To my mom and dad... Why... Wasn’t I too young? Why did that boy lie to me?! I hated him!
I couldn’t even tell where I was being taken. I knew nothing about layout of the ship. It was cleaner, it was brighter. But also there were more arxur than singular one that kept coming into the pen to take people. Being carried upside down by the leg hurt and made it disorienting but even with that I couldn’t miss how every time I entered an arxur’s field of vision, their head sharply turning to stare directly at me right until we turned another corner. I realized that I was crying out loud by now, but of course predators knew no emotion, they ignored my anguish.
Then finally, it seems, we reached a destination. I was brought to a room with a big table. Table? It was ridiculous to think predators even use tables... But there were three sitting at it. One was an arxur, particularly large and imposing. But two others were... creatures I’ve never seen before. One glimpse was enough to tell me they were predators. And they were covered in clothing, more than I’ve seen anyone ever wear. Worst thing is though, they were clearly talking to the big arxur, with external translator on the table constantly translating arxur’s hisses into the other predator’s growling noises.
This is it. Arxur found another sapient predator. The worst monsters in the galaxy now found allies. Least I could comfort myself with was that mommy would be safe... But now I felt like it’s not just me that’s about to end, but whole universe.
The arxur that was carrying me smacked me down onto the table, a fair distance away from others. I kept crying and sobbing. I think some pleads for help and for my mom came out, but I couldn’t even make out my own words. I was so scared. I was ready for fangs to pierce into my neck. And yet I wasn’t, I wasn’t ready, please, anything by that. Both the big arxur and the new predators were staring me down in hunger as I felt the worst pain of my life. My leg, held firmly to the table, burned in agony... and then pain was all I knew there. I couldn’t feel anything below my knee other than pain. Pain... Pain! I cried out at the top of my lungs, but pain wasn’t getting better. My cry did not stop until my throat burnt, but that pain was like an itch compared to what my leg felt like.
With sight blurred, I saw it. The arxur that held me down dropped my own ankle down near the big one that seemed to be in charge, staining table with orange blood. Big arxur tore a chunk off, extending it towards other predators, but they seemed to just talk. Then big arxur stopped for a few moments, tossed the chunk into its horrid mouth, and motioned to one still holding me down.
Then, for a second time in last few minutes I experienced the most agonizing pain in my life, surpassing even the pain before at least tenfold. It burned! It hurt! My throat, already sore and barely able to make sounds got revived for just long enough to let out another cry before giving out again. I wanted to pass out as I was butchered alive, but it was just so painful that I couldn’t... I was forced to be aware of how the rest of the leg, from knee to hip, was brought towards the mystery predators, sliced in half and then... That explained why it hurt so much more. Why it still hurts even more. The blade that second chop was done with was red hot, and now used to burn away at the chunks presented to the predators. They recoiled from heat, as pieces of me were presented, but after a few moments of consideration, reached out and tore a few small pieces of orange legs off my dismembered calf, starting to chew. The one with long fur on their head, seemed to almost choke on the heat, while the one with dark coloration just stared at me intently, making eye contact that I could perceive even through pain and tears directly with me, hungrily chewing, no doubt wanting more than scrap it was given...
I couldn’t watch anymore I closed my eyes, beginning to whine and sniffle. I tried calling out for mom, but my mouth was suddenly clamped shut with a band, so I couldn’t even make any more noises. Pain made it hard to move at all, and with my leg chop being replaced with a burn, I wasn’t bleeding... so I couldn’t even get the release of death. Worse yet, predators were far from eager to finish me off. I was always told their bloodthirst was the only thing that defined them, but they just left me to suffer on the table as they kept talking in their horrible noises. Their sadism was much stronger than bloodlust, that’s the only explanation...
As I lay there, I eventually let my eyelids slide open. The new predators and arxur were engaged in some conversation, piece of leg in front of arxur in charge gone completely, and pieces in front of mystery predators visibly smaller. Arxur regularly typed some things, demonstrating some things on the screen. A bunch of warrior arxur banded together, a big star chart divided in weird ways, some weird colorless picture of countless dead prey animals, unfamiliar and likely non-sapient... And then a video. A venlil exterminator, fighting off a group of arxur. She managed to get two monsters burnt before getting overwhelmed, their mask torn off before their head is bitten off by one of the greys. The moment it happens, new predators both turn their eyes towards me instantly, opened wide with hunger. I flinched away again, tears managing to flow again. The arxur were horrible... They were about to sic those new predators on Venlil Prime, I knew it in my heart. They gave them taste of our flesh, and showed them how we might be dangerous... despite the fact that we were weakest and helpless. The new predators will make us into their cattle with ease and be empowered, before proceeding to move onto the rest of Federation...
There was movement. The predators and big arxur all stood up, then locked their hands in some contest of strength momentarily. The predator with long head fur pointed towards me, and then they all stared at me for a moment. Then the conversation moved on. The arxur holding me down grabbed me again, by my remaining leg and carried me off. I felt some blood drip down my fur with me being turned like that...
There was more walking, but it was even harder to pay attention in the haze that was covering my mind. I understood what the people that were taken without struggle felt now. I didn’t want to fight anymore. I just wanted it to be over... It hurts... It hurts so much...
I felt my arms moved, hands tied behind my back, and then I was handed over to the dark-colored mystery predator. It wasn’t as large as an arxur, but it could still lift me with ease, tossing me over the shoulder like I’m a sack of ipsom flour. A momentary look around showed that I was inside a smaller shuttle now, built very different from what the insides of larger ship was. I was... being taken elsewhere again. Why...?
Some more talking in the scary predator languages, and the door separating mystery predators and the arxur closed. Once that happened, there was instant rush. I found myself tossed into some white and cold room, still bound. I could hear the predators argue, that much loud yelling at one another could only be an argument. I felt the hum of ship starting up and vibration of launch. Then after a bit, I saw the long furred predator rush past me and towards something in the back of room, at which points it made noises so horrid, that I found myself crying again. I don’t know what it was doing back there, and I didn’t want to know. The dark colored one just kept looking over the burnt stump where my leg once was. And all throughout they kept growling and shouting at one another... I was going to be torn in half between the two, wasn’t I?
Instead I felt the binds on my arms and around my face cut. First thing, I opened my mouth and took a deep breath... Only to choke on air, as it was even cooler than I expected... White room, cool air, hungry predators looking over my bloodied bits and making horrid noises... I was about to be refrigerated to be kept for future. I was rations that arxur graciously gifted to these monsters. Why...? Why me?!
I tried crying, but my throat refused to make noise after earlier screaming tore it apart. Only low coughs escaped as tears completely filled my vision. There was more. More pain, a burst of it where my leg was supposed to be, then a small prick at my other leg... More memories, of my happy family and friends at school, replaced with grimy cattle pens and constant fear... More regrets at things I wanted to do and try, but never got to... But none of it mattered. I was already dead. Even if I was still breathing and moving, I was dead the moment a grey grabbed me and dragged me onto that cursed cattle ship of theirs... It just took me until now to truly comprehend it.
The last thing I thought of as pain dulled out, finally giving way to bliss of unconsciousness, was my mom’s soft wool and warm embrace, and how I never got to feel it properly for last time before dying... Mommy... I’m sorry...

TODAY'S RECAP

I was so bored with the show today. Liam gets all up in Deacon's business. Luna worries she's pregnant. RJ fusses at Brooke for fussing at Zende. Even Steffy's confrontation with Sheila bored me bc it was so very predictable. Knowing the topics, someone could write a recap without even viewing the episode.

RJ, Brooke, and Ridge at FC

RJ: MOMMMM! You shouldn't have fussed at Zende! 🤨 It's Luna's business. I want to respect her privacy. So, please stay out of it! 😦 I'm handling it. Gah! I don't need your help!
Brooke: I had to! 😦
RJ: No. No you did NOT have to! (💭 Don't make me regret telling you.😕)
Brooke: We're FAMILY! He slept with your girlfriend! 👩I had to know what he would say for himself (💭 🫤 Not much.)
RJ: Nuh uh! You did not HAVE to know ANYTHING! (💭 Getting mom to back off is not easy. Why does she have to know everything? 🫤)
I'ma draw a circle ⭕ around MY business and Luna's. That's called a BOUNDARY. This is you right here 👇 in the middle of OUR business. You need to get 👉 👉 👉 OUT. (💭 Okay, Reddit. That's what we wished he would have said 🫤.)
(What he really said, in the nicest way possible) Mommmmm. Don't do that. We need to respect Luna's privacy. I don't want you talking about it here or with dad.
Enter Ridge. 😀 What's going on? Something's up. What is it? 🧐 It's totally my business. Everything is. I get to butt in. That's my thing.
RJ: 🫤
Brooke: 🙄
Ridge: It's Luna right? 😀 Great gal! Office romance, huh. 👩‍❤️‍👨 I did that. I fell for this hot chemist 🔬😍. (Smoochy Smoochy 😘.)
RJ: (💭 Not your business 😒). Dad, it's not a BIG life or death thing, so can you just be cool with not knowing? 😐
Ridge: Nooo. Now I REALLY want to know!
RJ: It doesn't involve you two and it's not life or death, so. (💭 These two! Gah!)
Ridge: Ohhhh, I see. You're acting like a teenager, going to your mom for help.
Brooke: He's not in any kind of trouble 😐. (💭 Getting Ridge to back off is not easy. Why does he have to know everything? 🫤)
Ridge: Alright. Look, your mom gives great advice. Listen to her! 😀 I'm here too if you want to talk. (Redditors who are not fast forwarding are surprised he's letting it go. It's so un-Ridge.)
You're doing so great! 😀 HFTF👗is great! 😃 You have a great team 🙂 and that ain't easy! Your collaboration is great! 😊 It's all great! 😀 Everyone else thinks you're great too! 😃 And you and Luna are great! 👩‍❤️‍👨 Keep up the great! 😁
RJ: With Hope's vision, anyone coul--
Ridge: Nah. Not anyone. You're GREAT!

Luna and Poppy at FC

Luna: Ohhhhhhhh noooooooo.😟 I think I might be pregnant.🤰I have this pregnancy test, but I think instead of taking it, we should just speculate back and forth.
Poppy and Luna: (play 20 questions❓) We know you had sex❓ Yah 😟. With two guys❓Yah 😣. Did you use protection❓Yah 😢. Do you feel sick❓🤢 Yah yah yah! 🤢🤮 Have you ever felt like this before❓Noooooooooooooooo! 😩 It's a special, unique, new kinda sick! 😖
Luna: I don't want to mess up my life! 😫 What am I gonna doooooooo?! RJ just forgave me 😫.
Poppy: Oh! YAY! 😃👏👏👏 Told you so 😏.
Luna: I don't wanna baby! 👶🍼 Wah! 😩
Poppy: (💭 Yah. Obviously sweetheart. You might think you're grown, but you're still a BABY! And kind of a big baby 🫤.) Don't get ahead of yourself. It could be something else. 🙄
Luna: Yah! 🙄 But nah 😞. Maybe I should just take the test? (💭💡🤔)
Poppy: Yah. Great idea💡 sweetheart. 😐
(⏰ Alarm rings.)
Luna: 😫 I can't loooooook! 🫣 You loooooooook!
Poppy: 👀
Luna: 😟

Deacon and Liam at Il Giardino

Liam: Wtf are you doing? 🤨
Deacon: Working. Living my life. Saving Sheila. 😏
Liam: (💭 I'ma jump right into his business bc we used to hang out back when I was married to his daughter.) No one but you is happy Sheila's alive. 😒
Deacon: (💭 Dude. How is this your business? 🤔) I'm thrilled 😃 she's alive and so is Finn! 👨‍⚕️
Liam: 🤨 Ohhh, hey, that Finn part, that won't work for Steffy 😡.
Deacon: You want me to wish someone dead? 💀 Nah.
Liam: Wellll, no but you've invented an imaginary version of Sheila! 😇 Sheila BAD! 👺 She did all the very bad 😈 things. Don't you get that? Amirite?
Deacon: But not ONLY the bad things. Also a good thing - tryna save Steffy.🦸‍♀️
Liam: But the bad is very BAD 👹. And how do you know she tried to save Steffy? 🤔 You have only her word! She could be making shit up 🫲 left and right 🫱! She could be spinning stories ✍️, telling tall tales, presenting you with her fantasy 🧙🪄 fiction, exaggerating 😦, LYING!
Deacon: Or not. Look, I'm happy she's alive! And I didn't listen to anybody. If I hadn't searched texts📱, credit card 💳 receipts 🧾, and if Finn and I hadn't tracked her down and saved her from being chained up ⛓️ in that warehouse, she really would be dead ☠️😵.
Liam: Yay Columbo. 🔎 But what about STEFFY? I'm concerned about STEFFY! I have STEFFY on the brain! Finn can't protect STEFFY (💭 so I will!)
Deacon: Steffy is fine. Gah. I know Sheila's psycho 😵‍💫 history (💭🪓➰🔪🔥). And she knows I'm not a big fan of the attempted murders and shit. I was like, babe. Stop. 🛑 Not cool. And she was like, for you and my son, okaaaay, fine, I'll stop. ppffrrtt. Sheesh. 🙄
So yah, she's changed. She hasn't sprouted angel 😇 wings 🪽 but she's no threat. And Steffy can be relieved that Steffy The Blade Forrester 😏 didn't kill 🔪 Finn's birth mother.
Liam: Not funny. 🤨 All Steffy wants is NO Sheila in their lives. So maybe you and Finn could at least lay off the happy dance!🕺🕺
Deacon: Steffy could choose to be open minded and at least give Sheila a chance.
Liam: Nah! 🤨
Deacon: I'm in a happy dance🕺, cartwheel🤸‍♂️, spike the ball 🏈 in the end zone kinda mood. So's Finn. 😃
Liam: 😒

Steffy and Sheila at Deacon's apartment

(Sheila flashes back to Deacon's latest proposal. Steffy knocks, then bursts in 😠).
Steffy: YOUUUUUU! 😡😤 Alive and well! Blech! 🤮
Sheila: Hiyeee.👋 I realize that you hate me, that you don't want to see my face, that you wish I were dead 💀, that all you can think about is the list of my violent 🪓➰🔪crimes against your family, but heyyyy. Let's chat. Why not? 🫲☺️🫱. I've been wanting to talk to you.
Steffy: Grrr! Snort! 😤
I hope you can at least understand Finn's feelings 💗💕😃. He's jumping for joy 🤸‍♂️that I'm alive.
Steffy: 😡
Sheila: You too can feel the same if you just give a girl a chance, will ya? We can get our nails done 💅 and our hair cut 💇‍♀️💇‍♀️✂️ together! I can be your BFF 👯, if you'll just overlook several instances of attempted murder 🪓, kidnapping ➰, arson 🔥, and what not. I'm all better 😇 now for real for real. I'm talking all soft and smooth and not choking 😵 you even a little. So, what'd ya say?
Steffy: Grrr! Snarl! Finn's emotions are all SCREWY, SCRAMBLED up, and FRIED by YOU! 🫨 He's essentially got fried egg 🍳brain! Huff! Puff! 😤
He's GOOD! 👼 He's a doctor!👨‍⚕️ He's saves people! That's his job! He NEEDS--
Sheila: Your support! Your understanding. (💭Your personality to be swapped out. 😒). He just needs a little--
Steffy: FINN NEEDS YOUR 👉 CRAZY ASS PSYCHO 🫨 BULLSHIT to END! STAY🫸 the FUCK AWAY FROM HIM! 🤬 STAY OUT of our lives! Snarl! 😡
Sheila: (💭 This again. Reminds me of the time I shot 🔫🩸 this bitch. 🫤) I gave BIRTH to him. I--
Steffy: I! DON'T! CARE! 😤😡🤨 I DON'T CARE that YOU GAVE BIRTH to HIM! SOOOO FUCKING WHAT?! That means exactly NOTHING to ME! Grrrr! Growl! This stupid ass CONNECTION IS DONE! FINISHED! OVER! Got it BITCH? 😤🤨😡
Sheila: I'm his mother. You're a mother--
Steffy: DON'T TRY TO PLAY THE MOMMY CARD! YOU SHOT HIM!
Sheila: Well yah (💭 I was tryna shoot you). But that was 🫲 then. This 🫱 is now. Finn forgave me. ☺️ He's--
Steffy: HE'S kind and compassionate, unlike YOU! All you bring is LIES! MISERY! HEARTACHE! 💔 DESTRUCTION! 💥 TSUNAMI! 🌊 TORNADOS! 🌪️ And POOR WAIT STAFF CUSTOMER SERVICE! We could get pizza 🍕 again at the ONLY PIZZA PLACE IN LA! But you've DESTROYED our pizza outings that we just got back! We were FINALLY READY to venture into Il Giardino again. Now you've RUINED IT FOR MY FAMILY! ROARRRRRR!
Sheila: Well yah and I wanna change that. I have a new beginning. We can try different pizza toppings -- whatever you want!
Steffy: OHHHHHHH STFU about FRESH STARTS and FRESH IDEAS for TOPPINGS! I will NEVER try CHOCOLATE 🍫 or COCONUT 🥥 on MY PIZZA! It's just WRONG! Snarl! Snort! 😤 Grrr! 😡 Harumph! YOU run your STUPID, UGLY, BIG, FAT, STINKING MOUTH 👄 about FRESH STARTS every fucking time you pop back up from the DEAD 💀 like a FUCKING ZOMBIE 🧟‍♀️or get released from prison!
STOP 🛑 STOP 🛑 STOP 🛑 STOP 🛑 with your FRESH START and your TWISTED BIOLOGICAL birth mommy 🤰 BULLSHIT tie to FINN! It STOPS 🛑 TODAY! Right FUCKING NOW!
Sheila: Sputter. Ppffrrtt! Well. Gah! (💭 Little girl, aren't you the bratty, bossy bitch. Hmm. What to do about you.🤔 I'm not supposed to kill 🔪 you, dang it 🫤. Finn would prolly be mad 😠 and Deacon would scold me 🤨 and hafta bribe another judge. 👨‍⚖️ Phewy. 😕 Kidnapping ➰ is always an option, as long as they don't trace it back to me 😏. She's such a pain in my ass 🫤. I'll try to reason with her, but she's not exactly reasonable. Reformed me is an expert on reasonableness 😌.)
You're forgetting Finn saved me. He missed me and that changed him. He--
Steffy: He's DECENT! He's a DOCTOR. You ALWAYS SPEW the SAME STUPID INSANE GARBAGE. 🤮 Grrr! I gave FINN a CHOICE -- YOU or ME! He chose ME! And his SON! NOT YOU! WE are his PRIORITY! Harumph!
Sheila: Yah yah, as you should be, but he's made room in his heart ❤️ for me too. Why can't he have both? 😦
Steffy: NEVER! YOU are DEAD 💀to us. YOU don't MATTER. I don't care about you or what you do with your PATHETIC useless, pointless life. Growl! 😡
You are CANCELLED! ❌ I'm BLOCKING YOU ON INSTA and FACEBOOK! YOU OBSESSIVELY LIKE EVERY PICTURE! IT'S CREEPY AF! DO NOT try to sneakily FRIEND FINN on SNAPCHAT either! 😡 Huff! Puff! 😤 Or send him encrypted messages! And he's not even on Reddit bc he thought he was spending too much time looking at funny cats 🐱 swatting things! 😡 WE will NOT follow YOU on TIKTOK and YOU can't even DANCE💃 like a normal person! Your moves are demented 🫨! And your stories are LAME af! FUCK right tf OFF!
Sheila: But I'm MOMMY. I care about him and he--
Steffy: IF YOU actually CARED about FINN, you would LEAVE him tf ALONE! DON'T try to worm 🪱 your way into his heart! 😡
Go do whatever the fuck with Deacon. But STAY OUT OF FINN'S HEAD! 🧠 STOP 🛑 MESSING with his EMOTIONS! Snarl! 😠 FUCK OFF! WREAK your fucked up brand of havoc AWAY FROM US BITCH! Snort! 😤 YOU DON'T EXIST TO US!
If you don't, YOU WILL ANSWER TO ME! 😡
Sheila: 😐 (💭 Clearly, she's a problem 😕.)
Steffy: 😡😡😡 (💭 watching 👁️👁️ you).
The end.

(I am SO sorry for the needed lengthy) Back Story & Context Leading To My Decision:
I (33F) have 1 sibling, “Sam” (38F). Although we share the same parents, our childhood & the way we were treated was incredibly different. Mainly because Sam had always been favored & treated far better than me. A fact that Sam refuses to acknowledge to this day.
Before & after my parents got married, it was agreed upon that they would not have children, until one day my mother “Susan” (66F) came up with the bright idea that if she gave her parents (“Norma & Gene”) a grand-baby they would finally love her. She went off the pill without telling my father, got pregnant, then had Sam. To no one’s surprise, Susan hated being a mom. So she would ship Sam across the country to Norma & Gene’s constantly, so much so, they saw her as THEIR child. And they showered her with love that Susan never even got a taste of. This led to Susan being aggressively jealous & resentful of her child.
Years later, my dad was tricked again into having me to “save their marriage.” They divorced when I was 3. All Sam ever knew from Susan was neglect, emotional & mental abuse from Susan, which only became worse when she could use “favoring” me as another way to hurt Sam. This was NOT a secret in my family, resulting in maltreatment towards me (either subconsciously or intentionally).
Abuse toward Sam turned physical. My father was given full custody of her when I was 8, and I was left with Susan for the next 2 years until she decided she wanted to move to San Francisco because she “deserved” a more glamorous life. I do not remember the years living with Susan, but recently one of my closest friends (of 25 years) said to me I practically lived at her house & she barely interacted with Susan throughout the entirety of our friendship.
To make up for Susan being an awful parent, Norma & Gene would dote on Sam & shell out a lot of $$$ to give her a very nice life (let me know if you want me to give a list of examples in an update), compare this to me when I barley received a kind word. They offered me money ONCE in my early 20’s to pay off my credit card debt I accrued in college as I had to pay all my own bills while working full time (I have been working since I was 15) and going to school full time. I am the only one in the family who worked in college, yet I am still the only one to graduate with honors. I accepted with the condition it would come out of my “inheritance.” I have never asked or been offered money since. I have paid for ALL my own bills since I left home @ 18 years old.
Despite the obvious disparities and constant hurt they put me through, I was an active member of the family who mainly kept her mouth shut. I attended family events unless I could not afford to go, I sent holiday gifts, called between 1-2x per month for an 1 hour+ phone call in which I most often bit my tongue unless it was to defend Sam as Norma did not agree with her parenting.
Something to note, in May 2021 my father had an accident that would lead to his passing in December 2021. The disagreements & Sam’s nastiness toward me after the accident and then his death further strained our relationship.
Fast forward to March 2023. An explosive incident at Susan’s home in front of me she screamed at my sister to the point of Sam sobbing in ear shot of her 3 young kids, husband, and my step father resulted in me cutting ties with Susan for good. To be fair, she screamed in my face “I don’t want a relationship with you” with Sam as a witness. I made the family aware of my decision, and everyone, including Norma agreed to respect my decision.
By August 2023, my physical health that had been on a rapid decline since 2019 including 18 out of 23 (78%) of my spinal discs deteriorating without a known cause had become unbearable to manage + time I had to take off because of migraines & doctor’s appointments, I had to quit my corporate desk job. I had enough money saved to tide me over for some time, but as any US adult in their 20’s & 30’s know, it’s been rough the past few years, add in physical disabilities & limited mobility + regular migraines, I was running low on money & needed help. So at the end of December, at the encouragement & insistence of my aunt Elizabeth (Susan’s sister) who I had become quite close with over the past few years, I went to Norma & Gene to ask for a LOAN. They had donated $25,000 to Sam’s place of worship on her behalf a few months prior, offered to buy Sam & her husband a house the year prior, paid for Elizabeth’s bills & expensive lifestyle for the last year when she was soul searching on what line of work she wanted to do next, this was after putting a down payment on Elizabeth’s new $470,000 condo + $70,000 of renovations it needed, not to mention the literal hundreds of thousands of dollars that they have given Susan over the years just to pay off her credit card debt (none of which is coming out of their inheritance might I add) she assured me they would absolutely loan their granddaughter with serious health issues money. Elizabeth would talk to them personally about it, just to seal the deal while Sam would help me find cheaper alternatives to my current necessities such as Medicaid.
I make the request, and to my surprise they are more than happy to help me with a loan. But one week later & their phone calls with Susan, they say by email they “love me but cannot continue to financially support my poor decisions.” I call Elizabeth who says, it was not in her best interest to talk to them about helping me as I am “worthless to this family and society while being disabled.” Then adds that she will not let her “mental health deteriorate just to emotionally support me.” I then immediately reach out to Sam who does not even have the guts to talk by phone only text, and says she called Susan to explain my circumstance but “wasn’t going to argue or pick a fight” to help me and that she is sorry that that she “can't show up for me the way I want her to because she needs to maintain her own mental health, relationships and boundaries.” She also threw in that I have “made up this narrative in my head” that they treat her & I different, that she is treated better.
That day I fully cut contact with Norma, Gene, and Elizabeth. I told them they will not be hearing from me again, and I will not be attending theirs or Susan’s funeral. And I stopped speaking with Sam for the time being. Ironically, what led us to speaking was last month (April 20224) I had begun working on an article about going No Contact with family members. I asked if I could discuss her childhood abuse in a few sentences as part of the article. She agreed and offered to give me quotes. I accepted then interviewed her. From there we began rebuilding our relationship.
Then last Wednesday, (May 8), Norma passes. I do not attend the funeral that happened on Friday, May 10. My two cousins who I have become very close with in the last 6 months understood why, and supported my decision. But even though I did not go, I continually checked in with them & Sam to ensure they were okay. Not once from Wednesday to yesterday (Tuesday) did Sam reply to a single message. As I am concerned about this, I reached out yesterday morning. She replied in the afternoon. I was incredibly hurt by her very lengthy message. Here are 2 excerpts that led me to full NC.

1. “Your perspective on the situation was clear, you werent coming to be with the family and you arent grieving [Norma’s] death at least in the conventional sense. I had to be the one to answer from most of the family why you werent there, it was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for me.”
2. “Since late January/Early February things have already been really strained between us. I know that most that comes from my point of view and actions were really hurtful to you. I hate that I hurt you and Its been difficult for me to reconcile that I can't show up for you the way you want me to while also maintaining my own mental health, relationships and boundaries.”

She continually says that she cannot show up for me the way I need without affecting her mental health or crossing boundaries, and I am not someone that would ever want to hinder someone else’s life by my presence or cause inner turmoil by associating with me. I let her know this and said I will stop trying to cultivate a relationship and I will step away for good. I said it as kind as possible, taking an hour to craft a message that can only be seen as kind. I told her if she responds I will not be reading it.
I work very hard to stay positive as it’s just me to lean on. When there is something eating at me emotionally, it will drain my energy & have me spiral until it is resolved. I did not want to waste another week feeling hurt. But with that said, AITA for cutting ties at this time & not waiting?

For anyone that read the Kyoshi books, remember how Kyoshi’s mom was an air nomad but she started losing her bending after she became a thief. This led me to think airbending was tied to spirituality and morality. Zaheer straight up murdered someone. Why didn’t he lose his bending? Or am I wrong to think he should have?

For anyone that read the Kyoshi books, remember how Kyoshi’s mom was an air nomad but she started losing her bending after she became a thief. This led me to think airbending was tied to spirituality and morality. Zaheer straight up murdered someone. Why didn’t he lose his bending? Or am I wrong to think he should have?