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Kansas

Despite voters overwhelmingly rejecting a constitutional amendment that would have allowed abortion restrictions in the state, Kansas Republicans passed several anti-abortion bills into law late last month, overriding the governor’s veto.
The first bill, HB 2436, makes it a crime to “coerce” someone into having an abortion. Democrats attempted to widen the scope of the bill to include all kinds of reproductive coercion, like pressuring someone to become or stay pregnant and prohibiting their access to birth control, and enshrine a right to “reproductive autonomy.” Republicans voted down the amendment.
The second bill, HB 2749, requires medical facilities and providers to (1) ask patients their reason for having an abortion and (2) report the data, including personal information about the patient, to the legislature every other year. Gov. Laura Kelly (D) agreed with the objections of Democrats and reproductive rights advocates, saying when she vetoed the bill that there is “no valid reason to force a woman to disclose to the legislature why she is seeking an abortion.”

• Democrats offered numerous amendments to HB 2749, including one to require men to report to the legislature their reasons for having a vasectomy and another requiring men to report why they are seeking treatment for erectile dysfunction. Republicans rejected all of them.

Finally, the Republican legislature overrode Kelly’s line-item veto allocating $2 million to the Pregnancy Compassion Awareness Program, created last year with a different veto override. The program is run by an anti-abortion group called the Kansas Pregnancy Care Network, which refers pregnant people to crisis pregnancy centers designed to use misleading information to discourage them from obtaining an abortion.

Louisiana

Louisiana’s legislature is doubling down on its anti-abortion laws, passing bills to increase criminalization and refusing to add exemptions to its abortion ban.
Earlier this month, the Louisiana House took up a bill passed by the Senate that would make it a crime, punishable by jail time, to possess abortion-inducing medication. SB 276, sponsored by 23 Republicans and one Democrat, was initially written to create a punishment for coercing someone into an abortion without their knowledge or consent (e.g. spiking a drink). However, House legislators recently added an amendment to the bill that classifies mifepristone and misoprostol as Schedule IV substances alongside some opioids and benzodiazepines. A pregnant person possessing the drugs for their own use could not be charged, but others who intend to distribute them to pregnant people seeking an abortion or store them for their own potential future use would face up to ten years in prison.

“Neither is a drug of abuse or dependence, and that is what the controlled drug schedule is for,” said [emergency room Dr. Jennifer] Avegno of the abortion drugs. “It makes no scientific or medical sense to put these drugs in the same category as Xanax or Valium.”
Mifepristone is a drug that blocks a hormone called progesterone, which is necessary for a pregnancy to continue. Misoprostol causes uterine contractions, causing the body to expel the pregnancy tissue. Mifepristone is also used to treat Cushing’s disease, a hormonal disorder. Misoprostol is also used to induce labor, manage a miscarriage and in the treatment of ulcers. Neither are addictive. “People do not go around taking them and getting dependent and having bad outcomes because of it,” said Avegno. “It’s like saying your blood pressure medicine or insulin is a drug of abuse.”

A week later, Republicans on the House Criminal Justice Committee voted 7-4 to reject a bill to add rape and incest exceptions to the state’s total abortion ban. House Bill 164, written by Democratic Rep. Delisha Boyd, would have allowed girls younger than 17 to have abortions if they became pregnant as the result of sexual assault.

“That baby [in the womb] is innocent … We have to hang on to that,” said committee member Rep. Dodie Horton, R-Haughton, who voted against the bill. Rep. Lauren Ventrella, R-Greenwell Spring, also voted against the legislation, saying the proposed law would be difficult to enforce. Teenagers who had consensual sex might feign rape or incest in order to get access to abortion services, she suggested…
Dr. Neelima Sukhavasi, a Baton Rouge doctor specializing in obstetrics and gynecology, also implored the lawmakers to approve Boyd’s proposal. She and her colleagues have delivered babies for pregnant teenagers, including mothers as young as 13, since Louisiana’s abortion ban went into effect two years ago. These young pregnant people can experience health complications that affect them for the rest of their lives, Sukhavasi said, and sometimes don’t have the mental capacity to handle the births. “One of these teenagers delivered a baby while clutching a teddy bear,” she told the committee.

The Committee also killed three other bills: HB 56, to allow abortions in cases of spontaneous miscarriage or nonviable pregnancy; HB 63, to clarify that the removal of an ectopic pregnancy is not an abortion under state law; HB 293, to add protection for physicians who do not intend to induce abortion by prescribing certain medications.

Texas

Meanwhile, in Texas—a state that pioneered the war on women and reproductive rights—a man initiated legal action to sue people who helped his former partner obtain an out-of-state abortion.
The man, Collin Davis, filed a petition in a state district court seeking permission to launch legal depositions to collect evidence for a potential lawsuit under a Texas law that contains civil liability for anyone who “aids and abets” an abortion. According to his lawyer, Jonathan Mitchell (who crafted the anti-abortion law), Davis is seeking to sue “co-conspirators and accomplices…involved in the murder of [his] unborn child.”

“Fathers of aborted fetuses can sue for wrongful death in states with abortion bans, even if the abortion occurs out-of-state,” he wrote. “They can sue anyone who paid for the abortion, anyone who aided or abetted the travel, and anyone involved in the manufacture or distribution of abortion drugs.”
Molly Duane, a senior staff attorney with the Center for Reproductive Rights, described Mitchell’s statement and general approach as misleading “fearmongering.”
“People need to understand that it is not a crime to leave Texas or any other state in the country for an abortion,” said Duane, who is working with lawyers from the firm Arnold & Porter to represent the woman and others targeted in the Davis case. “I don’t want people to be intimidated, but they should be outraged and alarmed.” Duane described the woman’s relationship with Davis as “toxic and harmful.”

Mitchell also represents a different man who pursued a similar claim last year: Marcus Silva engaged Mitchell to sue the friends of his estranged wife for allegedly helping her obtain abortion pills. Evidence later revealed that Silva knew about the plans beforehand and did not intervene, likely intending to use the threat of legal action as a way of forcing his partner to halt divorce proceedings.

Monday’s counterclaim illustrates, in painstaking detail, exactly how Silva—aided by Mitchell—allegedly deployed this tactic. It was only after Brittni’s abortion was complete that Silva revealed he knew about the plan and, according to the lawsuit, threatened to turn her in if she didn’t submit to his continued abuse. He even showed the police photographs of messages discussing the possibility of an abortion. “Once I finally got home with the girls he had been drinking and he told me that he knew,” Brittni texted one friend. “He’s using it against me.” In another message, she wrote, “Now he’s saying if I don’t give him my ‘mind body and soul’ until the end of the divorce, which he’s going to drag out, he’s going to make sure I go to jail for doing it.” […]
The counterclaim points out another flaw in his argument: Silva himself “is responsible for the alleged injury for which he seeks to recover.” He “knew that Brittni planned to terminate her alleged pregnancy and acquiesced in accepting Brittni’s actions,” so “it would be unconscionable to permit him to benefit by changing his position now.” His claims, in short, are barred “by unclean hands,” because he effectively entrapped his estranged wife—covertly discovering her plan to terminate the pregnancy, then allowing her to go through with it for the express purpose of blackmailing her into staying with him.

Indiana

A three-judge panel of the Indiana Court of Appeals last month unanimously recognized a religious freedom challenge to the state’s complete ban on abortion.
The case, brought by Hoosier Jews for Choice and four anonymous women of various faiths, alleges that the ban interferes with “their sincere religious beliefs that require and direct them to obtain abortions” criminalized since the law took effect in 2023. According to Jewish law, a fetus does not have personhood until birth, and abortion is required if the pregnancy endangers the life or health of the mother.

Brief of Hoosier Jews for Choice (and other plaintiffs): As indicated by the declarations of numerous rabbis, Judaism teaches that a fetus becomes a living person only at birth, and prior to that is considered part of the woman’s body, without independent rights. Abortion should occur and is mandated to end a pregnancy that may cause serious consequences to a woman’s mental or physical heath. Judaism also recognizes that physical health risks are not limited to those likely to cause substantial and irreversible impairment of a major bodily function. Judaism stresses the necessity of protecting the physical and mental health of the woman—a life—over the potential for life present in a zygote, embryo, or fetus. Therefore, restrictions that prevent a woman from obtaining an abortion where compelled by Jewish law, which mandates that the woman act to protect her physical or mental health, impose a substantial burden on that person’s religious exercise.

Under Indiana’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA), “a governmental entity may not substantially burden a personʹs exercise of religion,” defined to include “any exercise of religion, whether or not compelled by, or central to, a system of religious belief.” This means that arguments about whether plaintiffs are strictly observant are irrelevant; the law protects sincerely held religious views regardless of whether that view is idiosyncratic or unorthodox. However, even a law that imposes a substantial burden on the exercise of religion can be enforced if it is “the least restrictive means of furthering [a] compelling governmental interest” (the strict scrutiny test).
The state argued that abortion does not carry “religious significance” and, even if it did, the abortion ban satisfies strict scrutiny because it is “sufficiently narrowly tailored” to “further the State’s interest” in “protecting human lives in the womb.” Throughout Indiana’s brief, the state attempts to use science to back up fetal personhood, extending developmental physiology to make unfounded claims that protected life unquestionably begins at conception:

In lower courts, the State’s compelling interest is not up for debate. In Cheaney v. State, the Indiana Supreme Court held that the State’s interest in protecting unborn children is “valid and compelling” from “the moment of conception.” …A basic understanding of biology supports these holdings. “That human fetuses are human beings is a scientific fact, not a theological claim.” Regardless whether an individual person believes this, “the scientific consensus” is that “[d]evelopment begins at fertilization,” after which the newly created “unicellular zygote divides many times and becomes progressively transformed into a multicellular human being through cell division, migration, growth, and differentiation.” …. Science thus tells us that “[t]he act of performing an induced abortion during any stage of pregnancy, from fertilization up to birth, ends the life of an innocent human being.” The State’s interest in protecting unborn fetal life at any stage from intentional destruction accordingly is nothing less than “compelling.”

A panel of the Indiana Court of Appeals—made up of a Republican appointee and two Democratic appointees—unanimously ruled against the state, upholding a lower court’s injunction against the abortion ban as it applies to the plaintiffs. In the process, the court laid out a path for religious freedom challenges to abortion bans in other states and at the federal level.

The trial court found that absent a preliminary injunction, Plaintiffs would be irreparably harmed by the loss of their religious freedoms guaranteed by RFRA. A loss of First Amendment freedoms, which include the right to free exercise of religion, “for even minimal periods of time, unquestionably constitutes irreparable injury.”... Without a preliminary injunction, Plaintiffs will suffer the loss of their right to exercise their sincere religious beliefs by obtaining an abortion when directed by their religion and prohibited by the Abortion Law. They also have shown their sexual and reproductive lives will continue to be restricted absent the injunction and as a result of the Abortion Law.

• Briefs can be found under case number 22A-PL-2938 on Indiana’s Appellate docket

It took a lot of time, and I've finally saved up and am ready to begin the process of purchasing a canoe for my family this summer! I've been lurking around this community for a bit now, and thought I'd take the plunge and ask for some practical advice.
​
I have read the pinned post, and will use the template here:
Do you plan on using the canoe Solo or Tandem?

• Primarily tandem with a young teenager, but have younger kids as well

Where are located and where are you paddling? Whitewater or Flatwater or both?

• Central Wisconsin; primarily lake waters, but am really wanting to do some back-water canoeing like inlets, creeks, and small rivers.

Experience of paddler(s)?

• No experience with paddling, but I grew up on the Oregon coast so I have a lot of boat experience in salt-water and on the Columbia.

Size of paddler(s) & passenger(s)? Is there also a Hound Dog? Kids?

• I myself am about 250, my oldest is around 150, and my other 3 range from 50# - 75# each

Capacity needs (multi-week expeditions? Day trips? How long would be the longest overnight trip you anticipate?) Are you minimalist, do you bring all the luxuries including the kitchen sink, or somewhere in the middle? If you have an idea of actual gear weight, all the better.

• My goal is to go camping for at most 2 days with it, and also fishing. I don't need to bring everything; I'd like a 2 person tent and fishing or hunting gear, extra clothes, and some small commodities like a small gas stove (the real little ones you can screw into the little Coleman propane tanks) and canned food.

Stability (& Capacity) vs Speed - where on the spectrum are you happiest? Fast canoes are fun, but they are less stable and haul less. Related: Are you fishing, and how important is this aspect to you?

• I don't much care about speed. I want something that is stable enough I can stand up if I need to without having to worry too much about tipping immediately. Fishing is my primary goal.

Is light weight important for portaging or loading on a vehicle? Do you need a yoke for portaging/carrying?

• I'm pretty strong, but I'd like to keep it under 75# since I would like to portage.

How will it be stored - will it be inside, outside & protected, outside & exposed to sun?

• In a garage; garage is not temperature controlled.

Do you have any specific needs/desires when it comes to hull material?

• I've been seriously eyeing up T-Formex but have looked into Kevlar

Budget?

• ~$3,000

What do you want to do?

• Fish, camping, and exercise

​
I have been looking into Esquif canoes a lot, and am really leaning towards the Heron. It has 3 seats in the design, which would allow me to "comfortably" take at least 2 of my kids out with me at the same time. I have thought about the Mallard as well.
​
What worries me is the square backing. I definitely can't afford a motor right away, and I don't really want one. I've read and seen on videos that a square back is far from ideal for a paddler. I've thought about the Scout, but it seems a little small for us.
​
I've looked at about every canoe Esquif has on their website, and I can link their videos and websites all day, but that won't help anyone. I'm hoping someone can give some practical advice on a good choice for a family canoe. Thanks y'all!

Before my company makes a (another) mistake in selecting a course authoring tool, I figured I'd ask you fine people your thoughts about which platforms to look into.
Our current authoring tool isn't even worth mentioning, but we use Brainshark as our LMS.
We need to train:

• New hire onboarding
• Step by step software use (Salesforce, Power Bi, etc.)
• Sales concepts
• Product knowledge

We require:

• SCORM 1.2 output
• Interactive learning activities
• WYSIWYG
• Automatic mobile formatting
• In-browser review capability by non-authors
• Roleplay/scenario activities
• The final course to NOT look like a PowerPoint presentation

Nice to have:

• AI text translation
• Detailed assessment reporting
• Custom templates
• Optional microlearning format

I just described Articulate, didn't I? lol Do we need to pay for EVERYTHING Articulate comes with though? If we do, we will, but if there's a less expensive option or a better fit, I'd like to explore it.
TIA!

Just curious if other parents of children from blended families deal with this issue, or if this is personality dependent. Do your kids ever apologize? Mine simply doesn’t, ever. I’ve exhibited empathy, and remorse, I apologize and talk things through with him. I genuinely cannot think of a time in six years that he’s ever apologized for anything. We’ve been through family therapy, individual therapy, parenting classes, etc. My SS (14) comes from a very violent and angry upbringing, BM and BD only married because of pregnancy, and things only got worse from there, they divorced when SS was 4 because BM cheated and BD ended up stationed in Japan for four years. Insert a string of new abusive husbands, alcohol fueled parties, etc. I entered the picture at 9, and he immediately clung to me. It hasn’t been all roses, but we do our best. I know he’s been through hell, and BM has always been dismissive, demeaning and belittling of him and his needs and feelings. So I don’t expect a lot, but I figure after nearly 6 years of having a good example in me and his dad, there’d be something? This morning I had to take his 21 month old sister and myself to urgent care as she had a fever and I had flu symptoms, I told him we were going to the doctor and he went to school. Her fever spiked to 105.4 so I left him a note saying where we’d be (BD is on work travel out of state) and told him what was up and headed to the ER. When I walked in the door, he greeted us and hadn’t read the note, so I told him what happened. He replied, “Well, you could’ve at least picked me up early and saved me from testing.” (Standardized EOY testing) I paused, looked at him, and replied “I was literally in the hospital with your sister for the last two hours.” He looked at me like I’d wounded him, and how dare I not get his joke, and walked away. I apologized later and explained I’m sick, and exhausted, and that I was sorry for being dismissive of him, testing sucks and I know it’s a tough week. He says, “It’s okay.” Am I wrong for expecting him to exhibit empathy, or an apology in return? And does anyone else experience this? Do I just stay the course and try to be patient with his circumstances? Is it just teenager crap?

I've been with my husband for almost 4 years, and we've been married for 6 months. We have our own house, with an extra bed room. We both work. Without my job I think we'd be okay, just things would be tighter. We could have a child but it's not on the top of our list. Or at least it wasn't. We've never tried. I'm on birth control. I had ovarian cysts most of my teenage years and now I have fibroids. I've been told that I can possibly get pregnant but it may be harder. But we've never tried, and it never happened. We've talked about the possibility of "maybe". This is why I never expected being pregnant. The clients at my job can be violent and after one physically attacked a couple months ago, injuring me severely in other ways. I'm still recovering from some of those other injuries. They cannot say for sure if this induced the miscarriage but deep in my heart I believe so. I began to bleed. I at first mistook it for a bad period or fibroids. After 2 home pregnancy tests, a trip to urgent care, the ER and a gynecologist I realized I had been pregnant. I should have realized the symptoms but never did. We should have had a child in October. I am 33. Suddenly I want THAT baby that should have been. The one I never knew about before it was gone but I've had an increasing wish to have another child....when before it was one of those things. Before this I was content to be a pet mom. Now I feel empty. I have a wish to quit my job and raise a baby, like to protect the baby that I feel never had a chance....but I also don't want to, because I can't so easily replace my first baby. I'm starting to despise my job. My husband doesn't like my job anymore. I think I'm only staying here because of the health insurance and my vacation time. I'm not sure how normal these feelings are...Physically it took a long time to recover from the miscarriage. I managed to have a natural one but I was anemic in the end. It's been rough. I feel crazy and don't know what to do. Also, deep down I'm terrified I'll never so easily get pregnant again. I didn't want this baby until it's gone and I'm losing my mind...

A few years ago, I met a guy at a convention in Phoenix who did cosplays similar to my cosplays. We got along well and eventually began to have more intimate experiences together, although he insisted it was "just friendly". Whether kissing and making out is "platonic" or not is up to the person doing it, I suppose. Anyways, we broke up a few months after meeting and the whole experience really traumatized me for a while. He had sent his friends after me and all that. Normal teenager online drama. I avoided him at all costs for a good year or two until I started pursuing cosplay as a bigger thing. I discovered that he had a big following for his cosplay on TikTok and Instagram. He followed my group's Instagram account and I realized it probably wasn't worth avoiding anymore. That was when I began noticing strange behavior between him (who is now an adult) and a 16 year old non-binary fan artist. They would publicly flirt in the comments of posts, post about how much they love each other on Instagram stories, and for a brief period of time they publicly roleplayed pregnancy on Instagram. I watched all of this go down over the course of several months and screenshotted everything even remotely concerning. I am now also an adult and currently in a happy relationship with my boyfriend. I shouldn't be so concerned with my ex-boyfriend's behavior, right? But.. this guy is showing some weird signs of possibly grooming a minor and it's getting to be really weird now. I want to come out publicly about it, but I know I can't because of my status and my career at the moment. So instead, I've spoken privately to a few people associated with the ex-boyfriend and they've all said that it's weird, but I should probably stop looking at it. This feels like something much worse developing. Am I the asshole for wanting to call him out publicly?

18F first uni semester, working on a group project all month that is 25% of my grade, a report and presentation, both as a group of 4-5, report is 15% a communal grade, presentation 10% graded individually on performance.
Firsy day it was announced I asked the numbers of the 3 girls sitting the closest and made a group chat, asked them for topic suggestions before Friday. On Sunday I sent a list of 5 topics with 4 subtopics each that I picked, (no one else sent anything before that). I let them debate and decide, they picked the topic and we devided the subtopics first come first serve.
I believe I've done a lot of work in this project: 1- the template 2- the summary 3- a subtopic 4- the conclusion 5- helping the new member they added without my permission 6- Making the PowerPoint Most of them only did a subtopic, only one helped by doing the introduction.
And these teammates have been extremely frustrating: 1- insisting on copy-pasting into the group chat instead of just using Google Docs 2- making a lot of changes to the report without telling me 3- adding a new group member without telling me 4- not taking responsibility for the new member and leaving me to help her 5- the new member being worse than them, sending vauge information that jas nothing to do with the report topic 6- not agreeing to remove the new member even though she hasn't done any work (they said to let her finish the PowerPoint that I already started making atp) 7- that new member doing the PowerPoint sloppily (biggest mistake: skipping over an entire subtopic) that I just decided to just finish it myself since the others are "tired"
We originally planned to present next week. I go back to my family which lives in another state every weekend and found out today that I don't have to come back next week for anything besides this presentation so I asked to do it on Thursday, especially since I have more resources at home to study for finals and I don't have wifi here (I use data... college student finish in a day data). Everyone agreed besides one girl, she says she has another thing on Thursday that's a big part of her grade and she wants to focus on it, I said I understand and will help her with the presentation so it doesn't add any stress to her, her section in the presentation are the advantages, which are self explanitory bullet points that she just has to read off the PowerPoint. She responded by telling me if the trip is too difficult I should stay here the weekend then leave on Monday, I explained a personal reason as to why I have to go back this weekend, and that I'm a bus student so I can't leave in the middle of the week, she read half the messages, left the others unread, and has been ghosting me since.
AITA? I feel justified in my actions and requests, but I'm worried I was a bit selfish around the end.

I’m a 26F. A lot of my friends and acquaintances, are getting pregnant or having babies. They’re all in their mid twenties and early thirties. I know that it’s not that weird, but I still feel like a teenager in an adult body. I wish them happiness, but I still find it kinda weird. One of my friends is 25, and just found out she’s pregnant and said that “God’s timing is never early or never late”. I guess they’ve been trying for a while because she posted a pic of a bunch of positive pregnancy tests.
I do wish them happiness and hope that everything goes well, but it’s just so weird. I personally feel too young to be a parent. I still live with my parents and I’m going to college. I’m glad I don’t have kids.

A while back I posted here about me not being able to check my ex’s social media because I was scared of what I might see (her in a relationship, pregnancy etc).
To give you guys some insight on the situation, me and her first got into a relationship when we were teenagers and she was my first love. The first time we were together I self sabotaged the relationship and I left her, some time went pass and I began to miss her so I reached out and she rejected my advances, months go by and she comes back beginning of Covid and we are together again until she decides she “outgrew me” and leaves me after 3 months of us talking (my first heartbreak). That was 4 years ago.
We follow each other on social media but after the situation I’ve muted her entire page and blocked her posts and stories from my feed. But for some reason it was eating me up that I wasn’t able to check her profile even after so many years. I told people that I was over her but if you’re over someone seeing their profile shouldn’t be hard right ?
Well a couple months after I posted here explaining how I couldn’t check her page, I’ve actually met someone new who honestly makes me feel happy, much happier than I was with her, this person made me realize that there are people out there that can show you much better.
So today I decided I’d face my fears and I went on her page. It didn’t hurt at all, she’s still beautiful , still living her life and that’s okay. If I’m being honest… looking at her was like looking at a completely new person because the person that I was love with didn’t exist anymore. This was my nail in the coffin, I knew me and her would never get back together but me checking her page not caring if she was with someone else or if she was expecting a baby or anything proved that to me officially. After so many years of being scared it’s finally over.
It does get better guys, whether it’s in a few months or a few years it gets better, trust me.

So, I’m 12 weeks pregnant and we told my partner’s parents on Mother’s Day. It went awfully, we were yelled at for literally hours about how irresponsible we are and how incompetent my partner is.
Getting pregnant was a surprise for both of us, but we’re excited about it. Before the pregnancy we were discussing marriage (not whether to marry, that’s guaranteed, but when) and moving to a better location to buy a house.
We’ve been together for three years and living together for two, and our families have been waiting for the engagement announcement so everyone knows where we stand. I’m in my late twenties and he’s in his thirties, but on Sunday I felt like a teen pregnancy.
My family was hoping I’d be married beforehand but everyone is excited, and his family was so filled with hate about the pregnancy I cried all night when we got home. What do they want me to do about it now? I’m already pregnant. They don’t believe that my partner can provide for the family (we’ve budgeted my loss of income many times and feel confident in our finances).
I just don’t feel like it’s their right to know my finances in-depth, but they continually asked and even asked me when my partner left the room what “methods” we were using and his father tried making me drink a beer ?!?! I’ve never felt so humiliated and berated in my life. Even as a teenager my family treated me with more respect.
Honestly they’ve ruined any hope for a happy relationship with me, and therefore my children. My partner agrees, but I believe he’s so used to being treated this way it’s more normalized for him and I worry about that now.
I don’t have parents so I was hoping to have a good relationship with my soon to be in-laws but that was destroyed.

How do you know when to step in and be more strict and controlling and when to step back and let kids make mistakes to learn from them? Specifically teenagers. My son is 14 and has never been in trouble his whole life but has a girlfriend now and has lost two big school trips because he was involved with bringing a vape to school, he was holding it for other kids. The other kids get caught with it and rat him out. Since then I have found out almost every single one of his friends is vaping THC or nicotine or both, as 8th graders. I picked him up last night and the girl he and his girlfriend were with had shoplifted makeup. They both knew about it and didn’t say anything or call me to come get them out of the situation. He’s already faced some pretty serious consequences and doesn’t seem to have learned from them. I’m so afraid it’s going to get much worse. Him and the girlfriend do not seem capable of making good decisions when faced with bad situations. Also, they’re not consistently practicing safe sex. I found pregnancy tests. I’ve been talking to him about all of this but I don’t think it’s sinking in. I cannot and absolutely will not raise a baby for these kids. I feel like I should really crack down on him but I was raised by the worlds strictest and most terribly religious parents and it caused so much harm to me. I’ve been trying to communicate with my son and let him learn some things on his own… and he has a thousand times more privileges than I ever did. He’s allowed to enjoy his life as a kid and that’s made me so happy to give him the life I never got to have and experience growing up. But lately it seems like he’s literally flushing it all away and I don’t know how to step in and help him without it making things worse. I’ve already told him he’s not allowed to see these “friends” anymore and he’s only allowed to see the girlfriend when I can keep a close eye on them. I’m afraid of him doing some things that will cause much worse harm than just losing a fun trip with school. And getting his girlfriend pregnant at 14 is not going to work for me. Do I take his phone away? I don’t want to get into his conversations with friends and girlfriend because I had my parents do that to me and it was absolutely terrible. They also read my journals and grounded me for the thoughts and emotions I was trying to deal with in a healthy way. Where’s the line? How do I help him understand that what he’s doing right can potentially affect the rest of his life in very big ways??

DAY: MAY 13, 2024

• 5-13-2024BIKING REVEALED TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH LESS KNEE PAIN LATER IN LIFE A study reveals that people who participated in regular bicycling over their lifetime had a lower prevalence of frequent knee pain, radiographic osteoarthritis (ROA) and symptomatic radiographic osteoarthritis (SOA). Rheumatologists often encourage regular physical activity for the prevention of osteoarthritis, the most common form of arthritis. However, some exercises are more effective than others.
• 5-13-2024STRESSFUL LIFE EVENTS CAN INCREASE YOUR RISK OF ALZHEIMER’S Stressful life events, such as the death of a loved one or divorce, put a person at greater risk of developing dementia in later life, a recent study has found. But only if the stressful event happened in childhood or midlife. The study included 1,290 people at increased risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease. The researchers looked at 18 stressful life events and when in people’s lives they happened.
• 5-13-2024TIPS FOR LOWERING STROKE RISK May is National Stroke Awareness Month, and as part of everyday awareness, Mayo Clinic health care professionals suggest reducing stroke risk and knowing the signs. A stroke happens every 40 seconds in the U.S., and the likelihood of stroke increases with age, according to the National Institutes of Health. Preventing a stroke is a crucial aspect of health care, as about 80% of all strokes are preventable. The focus is on managing risk factors to reduce the long-term risk of stroke.
• 5-13-2024IT’S TIME TO USE TIKTOK TO TALK TO YOUNG PEOPLE ABOUT OBESITY, SAYS RESEARCHER There is an urgent need to harness the potential of TikTok and other social media channels to provide scientific information about obesity to young people in engaging and accessible way . The popularity and broad reach of such platforms provides the opportunity to reach diverse audiences, including teenagers and young adults, explains lead researcher Dr. Antonella Franceschelli, of Unicamillus International Medical University, Rome, Italy.
• 5-13-2024WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE NUTRITION ADVICE FROM A CENTENARIAN It’s a cliche of reporting on people who reach 100 years of age, or even 110, to ask them some variation of the question: “What did you do to live this long?” Inevitably, some interesting and unexpected answer is highlighted. Fish and chips every Friday. Drinking a glass of strong liquor every day. Bacon for breakfast every morning. Wine and chocolate. While a popular news story, this is a relatively meaningless question that doesn’t help us understand why certain people have lived so long.
• 5-13-2024JUNK FOOD MARKETING ON VIDEOGAME LIVESTREAMING PLATFORMS INCREASES PURCHASES AND CONSUMPTION AMONG TEENS, STUDY FINDS Food and drink advertisements on videogame livestreaming platforms (VGLSPs) like Twitch are associated with more positive attitudes towards, and purchases and intake of, unhealthy foods that are high in fat, salt and/or sugar (HFSS) like energy drinks among adolescents aged 18 or younger. The concerning findings prompt researchers to call for stronger regulations on digital marketing of unhealthy foods to young people on these platforms, where there is currently no effective regulation
• 5-13-2024HIGHER BLOOD SUGAR LEVEL AT GESTATIONAL DIABETES DIAGNOSIS LINKED TO HARMFUL OUTCOMES FOR MOTHERS AND BABIES The higher the blood sugar level in pregnant women when first diagnosed with diabetes, the higher the risk of complications around and after birth
• 5-13-2024ASKING ADULTS WITH OBESITY ABOUT THEIR WEIGHT DURING CHILDHOOD COULD HELP DETERMINE THEIR MORTALITY RISK Being asked whether you considered yourself a normal weight, plumper or thinner as a child when attending a doctor’s appointment as an adult might appear like a very strange question to ask, but new research suggests that such questions can help identify increased mortality risk in adults living with obesity.
• 5-13-2024ENERGY DRINKS CAN LEAD TO SERIOUS HEART ISSUES IN KIDS AND TEENS, HEALTH EXPERTS SAY Hennessy Sepulveda thought she was going to die. “I began dissociating as I was driving. I was 10 minutes away from my house. My vision started warping and the lights were hitting me really bright,” she said. “I felt my chest pounding, I felt a wave of panic hit me—I knew something was wrong.” Sepulveda, a Florida International University student who was 19 at the time, was admitted to the hospital, and was surprised by the cause of her symptoms
• 5-13-2024A BLOOD TEST TO HELP DETECT LUNG CANCER? NEW TEST OFFERED AT 18 LOCATIONS Julie Harris had never been tested for lung cancer. A low-dose CT scan, the only recommended screening for adults at risk of developing lung cancer, was not something she’d ever found time to do. But when her primary care doctor recently suggested a new blood test to help look for signs of the disease, Harris was intrigued. She had her blood drawn the same day, in the same building as her doctor’s appointment.
• 5-13-2024STUDY SHOWS EXERCISING SLOWS OUR PERCEPTION OF TIME results of a new study show for the first time that individuals tend to experience time as moving slower when they are exercising compared to when they are resting or after completing their exercise.
• 5-13-2024BREAKTHROUGH THERAPIES ARE SAVING LIVES, BUT CAN WE AFFORD THEM? Harnessing the body’s own cells to fight disease, long a medical dream, is finally a reality. Now comes the bill. Last month, Stanford became the first hospital in the nation to use a new $515,000 cell therapy to treat a patient with advanced melanoma. A related approach, costing $420,000 to $475,000, is offering hope to patients with lethal blood cancers. Meanwhile, cells fixed by gene therapy can slow, even stop, the progression of intractable diseases like sickle cell or beta thalassemia—
• 5-13-2024RESEARCH FINDS DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME SPELLS BAD NEWS FOR HEALTHY HABITS
• 5-13-2024HOW READING HELPS YOUNG CHILDREN LEARN ABOUT THE CONCEPT OF PAIN
• 5-13-2024HEART FAILURE PATIENTS WHO DO YOGA HAVE STRONGER HEARTS AND CAN BE MORE ACTIVE, RESEARCH SUGGESTS
• 5-13-2024ITALIAN STUDY FINDS EVIDENCE OF BODY DYSMORPHIA IN PROFILE PICTURES OF PEOPLE LIVING WITH OBESITY
• 5-13-2024UNDERSTANDING AND PREVENTING BLADDER CANCER
• 5-13-2024OUR BRAINS TRICK US INTO THINKING CONSCIOUSNESS CAN RESIDE OUTSIDE THE BODY, RESEARCH ARGUES
• 5-13-2024YOGA SHOWS ‘MOST IMPROVEMENT’ IN RESTORING BRAIN HEALTH IN LONG-TERM CANCER SURVIVORS, RESEARCHER SAYS
• 5-13-2024DISTURBING NEW TRENDS ARE DRIVING UP THE NUMBERS
• 5-13-2024SUPPORTING WEIGHT-LOSS MEDICATIONS WITH ADEQUATE, TAILORED NUTRITION
• 5-13-2024WHAT HAPPENS INSIDE A SLEEPWALKER’S BRAIN?
• 5-13-2024COMING OFF OZEMPIC SLOWLY COULD PREVENT WEIGHT GAIN, STUDY SHOWS
• 5-13-2024STUDY SHOWS ALARMING RISE OF ELECTRONIC VAPING USE IN US ADOLESCENTS
• 5-13-2024UK SURVEY FINDS ‘DISGUST FACTOR’ NEEDS TO BE OVERCOME IF EATING INSECTS IS TO BECOME TRULY MAINSTREAM
• 5-13-2024SEMAGLUTIDE CAN YIELD WEIGHT LOSS, LOWER HEART ISSUES FOR AT LEAST FOUR YEARS IN NON-DIABETIC ADULTS WITH OVERWEIGHT
• 5-13-2024BETTER NUTRITION CAN HELP FIREFIGHTERS FIGHT CANCER
• 5-13-2024EXPLORING THE BIOLOGICAL BASIS FOR RESILIENCE
• 5-13-2024REMOTE HEART FAILURE MONITORING DEVICE COULD PREVENT HOSPITALIZATIONS
• 5-13-2024IDENTICAL ODORS SEEM DIFFERENT WHEN GIVEN DIFFERENT NAMES
• 5-13-2024HOW CANNABIS AND PSILOCYBIN MIGHT HELP SOME OF THE 50 MILLION AMERICANS WHO ARE EXPERIENCING CHRONIC PAIN
• 5-13-2024AUTISTIC CHILDREN COULD BE THE REAL WINNERS FROM ONLINE GAMES
• 5-13-2024TEENAGE USERS OF HIGH-THC CANNABIS VARIETIES TWICE AS LIKELY TO EXPERIENCE PSYCHOTIC EPISODES
• 5-13-2024PEPTIDE-BASED HYDROGEL SHOWS PROMISE FOR A WIDE RANGE OF TISSUE AND ORGAN REPAIR
• 5-13-2024TO AVENGE OR NOT TO AVENGE? PSYCHOLOGISTS DIG DEEPER INTO HOW PEOPLE SEE REVENGE AND THOSE WHO DO IT
• 5-13-2024TRANSGENDER PRETEENS REPORT 13 HOURS OF DAILY SCREEN TIME
• 5-13-2024STUDY FINDINGS DEMONSTRATE BENEFIT TO PEDIATRIC CELIAC DISEASE MASS SCREENING
• 5-13-2024COMMONLY USED ANTIBIOTIC BRINGS MORE COMPLICATIONS, DEATH IN THE SICKEST PATIENTS
• 5-13-2024NEW PAPER EXAMINES POTENTIAL POWER AND PITFALLS OF HARNESSING ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE FOR SLEEP MEDICINE
• 5-13-2024VARIATIONS IN TELOMERE LENGTHENING GENES MAY PREDISPOSE SOME PEOPLE TO PAPILLARY THYROID CANCER
• 5-13-2024WHAT IS THE PROCESS OF AN ATHLETE BEING ‘MEDICALLY RETIRED’ DUE TO CONCUSSION?
• 5-13-2024NOT SURE ABOUT VACCINES? HOW MESSAGING IS FRAMED MAKES A DIFFERENCE, NEW RESEARCH SHOWS
• 5-13-2024NEW STUDY REVEALS THE KEY ROLE OF MITOCHONDRIAL PROTEINS IN CARDIAC REGENERATION
• 5-13-2024NEW SYNTHETIC BIOMARKER TECHNOLOGY DIFFERENTIATES BETWEEN PRIOR ZIKA AND DENGUE INFECTIONS
• 5-13-2024IN SEARCH OF THE BEST TEST FOR HEPATIC ENCEPHALOPATHY
• 5-13-2024ORGANIZATIONS PUBLISH JOINT GUIDELINE ON GLUCOCORTICOID-INDUCED ADRENAL INSUFFICIENCY
• 5-13-2024CLINICAL TRIAL INVESTIGATING AFICAMTEN MEETS PRIMARY ENDPOINT IN OBSTRUCTIVE HYPERTROPHIC CARDIOMYOPATHY
• 5-13-2024RESEARCH INVESTIGATES LIMITED EFFICACY OF COMMON LOCAL ANESTHETIC
• 5-13-2024HOW SCIENCE CLEARED THE AIR OVER INHALED HEALTH RISKS
• 5-13-2024WHAT’S KEEPING THE US FROM ALLOWING BETTER SUNSCREENS?
• 5-13-2024PATIENTS CAN NOW STAY CONNECTED BY WEARING ONE
• 5-13-2024THERAPEUTIC OPPORTUNITIES FOR HYPERMUTATED UROTHELIAL CARCINOMAS BEYOND IMMUNOTHERAPY
• 5-13-2024RESEARCHERS REVEAL THE DOUBLE-EDGED-SWORD EFFECT OF OVERCONFIDENCE ON GAMBLING
• 5-13-2024TEAM STUDIES FACTORS RELATED TO A SENSE OF ECONOMIC INSECURITY IN OLDER ADULTS
• 5-13-2024PEDIATRICIAN OFFERS TIPS ON HOW TO SUPPORT HEALTHY MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT IN YOUR CHILD
• 5-13-2024NEW DEVICE COULD IDENTIFY WHICH BABIES WILL STRUGGLE WITH BREASTFEEDING
• 5-13-2024COULD FLIRT LEAD TO A SUMMER UPTICK?
• 5-13-2024RESEARCH HIGHLIGHTS DRAMATIC INCREASE IN FENTANYL SEIZED BY AUTHORITIES IN LAST SIX YEARS
• 5-13-2024CHILD MEASLES CASE AT SACRAMENTO HOSPITAL MAY HAVE EXPOSED 200 PEOPLE, HEALTH OFFICIALS SAY
• 5-13-2024AN AUXILIARY CHD DIAGNOSTIC SYSTEM BASED ON MULTI-VIEW AND MULTI-MODAL TRANSTHORACIC ECHOCARDIOGRAMS
• 5-13-2024PROJECTED ESTIMATES OF CANCER IN CANADA IN 2024: STUDY
• 5-13-2024REPORT FINDS PRIVATE HEALTH PLANS PAID HOSPITALS 254% OF WHAT MEDICARE WOULD PAY DURING 2022
• 5-13-2024HOW OBESITY AND METABOLIC SYNDROME AFFECTS WOMEN’S RISKS OF BREAST CANCER AND CANCER-RELATED DEATH
• 5-13-2024CANCER AND COVID DROVE PATIENT TO DOUBLE-LUNG TRANSPLANT
• 5-13-2024CHOLERA OUTBREAK INTENSIFYING IN YEMEN, UN WARNS
• 5-13-2024RESEARCH TAKES ELECTRORETINOGRAPHY TO THE NEXT LEVEL WITH A SOFT MULTI-ELECTRODE SYSTEM
• 5-13-2024NEW STUDY SHOWS CERTAIN COMBINATIONS OF ANTIVIRAL PROTEINS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR LUPUS SYMPTOMS
• 5-13-2024DID A WORM REALLY EAT PART OF ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR.’S BRAIN?
• 5-13-2024REINING IN ROGUE OBAMACARE AGENTS WITHOUT SLOWING ENROLLMENT
• 5-13-2024IS ‘HERD IMMUNITY’ IN INTENSIVE CARE DOING MORE HARM THAN GOOD?
• 5-13-2024TOO MANY AUSTRALIANS AREN’T GETTING A FLU VACCINE—WHY, AND WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?
• 5-13-2024RESEARCHERS FIND 13% REDUCTION IN ASTHMA IN CHILDREN BORN IN AN URBAN LOW EMISSION ZONE
• 5-13-2024RESEARCHERS USE DUAL DRUG STRATEGY TO ADVANCE MELANOMA TREATMENT AGAINST RESISTANCE
• 5-13-2024ENGINEERING MINI HUMAN HEARTS TO STUDY PREGNANCY COMPLICATIONS AND BIRTH DEFECTS
• 5-13-2024FOR TREATING RETINOPATHY OF PREMATURITY, RESEARCH PROVES THAT RANIBIZUMAB IS SAFE
• 5-13-2024STUDY FINDS SENSE OF SHARED SIMULTANEITY INCREASES WITH GROUP SIZE
• 5-13-2024WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
• 5-13-2024ATTACKING BIRTH CONTROL PILLS, US INFLUENCERS PUSH MISINFORMATION
• 5-13-2024UN NEARS LANDMARK DEAL ON COMBATING BIOPIRACY
• 5-13-2024VARIATIONS IN ‘ANCIENT’ IMMUNE CELLS LINKED TO PATIENTS’ SURVIVAL IN CANCER
• 5-13-2024SOURCE OF SUGAR MAY BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN AMOUNT WHEN IT COMES TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF OBESITY IN CHILDREN
• 5-13-2024UK STUDY INVOLVING OVER 80,000 ADULTS FINDS SMOKERS TEND TO EAT LESS AND HAVE A LESS HEALTHY DIET THAN NON-SMOKERS
• 5-13-2024TRIAL REVEALS ANTI-INFLAMMATORY POWER OF AEROBIC EXERCISE IN ADULTS WITH OBESITY
• 5-13-2024LARGE-SCALE FINNISH STUDY DISCOVERS LINK BETWEEN PREMATURE MENOPAUSE AND MORTALITY RISK
• 5-13-2024SOCIODEMOGRAPHICS TIED TO REHAB USE DURING CRITICAL ILLNESS HOSPITALIZATION
• 5-13-2024AVOID OVERHEATING DANGERS WHEN RECHARGING MEDICAL DEVICES
• 5-13-2024LOWER PREVALENCE OF EMPLOYMENT SEEN FOR SURVIVORS OF CHILDHOOD CANCER
• 5-13-2024BLOOD PRESSURE DOWN WITH SELF-MONITORING, SELF-TITRATION OF MEDICATIONS
• 5-13-2024PSILOCYBIN MAY REVERSE ANOREXIA’S COGNITIVE RIGIDITY
• 5-13-2024STUDY HIGHLIGHTS NEED FOR CELL-TYPE-SPECIFIC THERAPIES IN TREATMENT OF HIV
• 5-13-2024INTENSE ULTRASOUND EXTRACTS GENETIC INFO FOR LESS INVASIVE CANCER BIOPSIES
• 5-13-2024WEIGHT LOSS DRUG LINKED WITH REDUCED NEED FOR DIURETICS IN HEART FAILURE PATIENTS
• 5-13-2024EVIDENCE OF A TRAVEL DIRECTION SIGNAL THAT IS INDEPENDENT FROM HEAD DIRECTION IN HUMANS
• 5-13-2024STUDY SHOWS CHATGPT CAN ACCURATELY ANALYZE MEDICAL CHARTS FOR CLINICAL RESEARCH, OTHER APPLICATIONS
• 5-13-2024WHAT MAKES A MEMORY? IT MAY BE RELATED TO HOW HARD YOUR BRAIN HAD TO WORK
• 5-13-2024BIRTH BY C-SECTION MORE THAN DOUBLES ODDS OF MEASLES VACCINE FAILURE, STUDY FINDS
• 5-13-2024SCIENTISTS FIND SLEEP MAY NOT CLEAR BRAIN TOXINS

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I (44f) returned my birthday gift to my mother yesterday. My mother is narcissistic, toxic, dramatic, manipulative, and cruel. She has treated me like crap my whole life by always putting me last, and I have seen her celebrate other female family members like my cousins or her daughter in laws by spending time with them and being kind to them. She treats me opposite. She refuses to spend any time with me. It’s awful.
Last week, she wanted to take my son out who is 5 to buy his birthday gifts to make sure his clothes fit and his birthday is in June. I refused. I’ve asked her to take me out shopping for shoes, and she says to go to the store, pick them out, and then leave them with the cashier. Then, phone her and she will buy them. Okay. Or to send her what I want. She never does anything with me.
Also, I am plus size. No shame is this. I have lost 60 pounds. She’s aware of this because I told her. Every birthday or holiday, she buys me clothes from the same store for 20 years which she thinks I should wear and they are always too big for me. She buys me shoes and sandals I don’t wear. However, she always buys my husband, my sons, my sister in laws whatever they ask for. For me, it’s never what I ask for or want.
Also, the clothes bothers me because she’s put me on diets since I was 10. I weighed 150 pounds and I was 5’6. She took me to weight watchers and said I was fat. My whole teenage years she had me on diet after diet, going to the gym and having really low self esteem and thinking I was ugly and fat until I met my husband. Her buying me these too big clothes triggers me that she is trying to tell me what I wear isn‘t up to her expectations and makes me feel insecure all other again.
Last week, she asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I said I would like money even $20 because I am going on vacation this summer. She said no and she was buying me clothes from the same stores and would include receipts. I told her not to buy them because I wouldn’t wear them. It’s a waste of money. She didn’t listen to me again and bought them.
I gave her flowers on Friday for Mother’s Day with a nice card. This is what she asked for. So, she dropped my gift off yesterday when I wasn’t even home. She never thanked me for the flowers and ignored me on Mother’s Day. I opened the gift and it was clothes that don’t fit and shoes I don’t wear. So, I left the gift at her door with the receipts. No explanation.
I got a phone call last night at ten. She left me a voice mail calling me a disgusting b$tch and she was telling all her sisters I returned the gift. Then, she called me a horrible mother and she would go to cps because my kids don’t know how to talk to her. My preteens don’t want to talk to her. She embarrassed them and my one son sees how she treats me with his own eyes and doesn’t want to be around her. I’m not going to force him. She said I’m ruining her relationships with her daughter in laws. I don’t see them at all- her dils.
So, Aita for leaving the gift at her door with receipts? She said I wouldn’t be getting the $400 back she would get once she returned the gifts which I don’t want obviously.
Extra note: I went through ivf to have my youngest child. She wanted me to do gender selection and she is Catholic. She wanted me to have a girl. I refused. I ended up with my son and when she found out he was a boy she says it was the worst day of her life and she would never accept him. I also started bleeding with him 3 months into the pregnancy and almost lost him. She was shopping with my sil 10 minutes from the doctor. She refused to come and see if I was ok. This one example of how awful she is to me.

I made a post recently which said the following
"Okay so firstly, my girlfriend(18) and I(18) haven't had sex. We basically went to third base, and well fingering and stuff. Atleast from my research, I'm sure to get pregnant by fingering you need to have fresh globs of semen and then finger, but I'm a 100% certain that wasn't the case. My girlfriend does have PCOS, slightly extreme I would say although her period is two months late, I don't even see any signs of pregnancy. We last were physical on March 1st. Is this some extreme sign of PCOS? Should I make her take a test?
P.S. She stopped taking birth control way before we were physical"
She got her period today after 2 months. I willl admit I was a little nervous but I trusted this subreddit and hey look. I hope all of the anxious women allow their emotions to be set aside and not allow reactions on them. Especially with teenagers like my girlfriend and I, hormonal imbalance and stress cause a lot of delays and fluctuations
I don't know how to phrase this but I hope this calm your nerves. Stay safe everyone and USE PROTECTION.

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I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Editor's Note: Please do NOT send me DMs or Chats. This is a reminder that I am NOT OOP. Remember the no brigading - Rule #7. Do not comment on the linked posts or contact OOP. Doing so will result into a permanent ban from the sub
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.

OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.

 
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:

You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.

No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.

Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.

I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.

Why not adoption?

With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.

Leave him and give him full custody of the twins

No. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.

Just have a sexless marriage.

No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.

What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?

I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.

Jack is sabotaging your birth control

I clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.

Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcare

My husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships

OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.

OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page

OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.

 

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