Dr seuss activities for toddlers

Litigation Job offer 135k with 1700 billable hours. This would be my first venture into private sector. Currently make 99k as a municipal attorney with 10 years experience. I’m comfortable in my current position, as I don’t have much oversight, and flexible hours.
I’m concerned about the billable and non billable hours requirement and balancing family demands with two toddlers.
I would like to make more money to provide for my family, as we would like to move to a bigger house, but are being priced out of market now.
I realize that I probably need to make more money based on costs of my kids, daycare, and activities when they are older (I grew up playing hockey and would love them to play hockey).
I’m partially torn. I’m confident I’d have great mentors and support at the new firm. Yet My government Job is stable.
Worth it to take risk?

I had surgery just under 2 weeks ago, my friend Jen knows exactly what surgery I had, the complications I had on top of it in great detail and she visited me a few days after as well and saw how much I was struggling physically and mentally. I’ve also kept her up to date on how things are going with me after that in our friend group.
A simple Google immediately says my initial recovery time is 6-8 weeks without complications, 3 months for a really full recovery. Jen is a doctor so she doesn’t even need to Google but if she’s unsure I’m sure can refresh herself on it before she decides how to approach me confidently on the situation.
Last week, just 1 week after my surgery, she asked if I can come out for coffee with her. I was extremely shocked she was doing this but also very disappointed in her. I was hoping she wouldn’t do this because of her history.
Jen is a doctor and as long as she first started training to be one until now being an experienced doctor has used it as a way to diminish any health issues her friends have, with a rolling eyes attitude to anything you say you have or think you have, treating you like a hysterical medical time waster and like everything you think you have is you exaggerating or wanting to be ill. She’s never wanted us to go to her for medical advice and we’ve always respected that, but as friends talking about being ill in general occasionally and medical things come up in personal conversations (I had to go to A&E last night etc), she herself talks about her own.
Once I mentioned I’d had a migraine at the weekend and she immediately interrupted me with disdain patronisingly saying a headache isn’t a migraine. I said I had to go A&E as I could barely walk or see. She shut up straight away but you’d think she’d stop doing things like that after getting responses like that everytime but she never does. Only when you’re in an undeniable active serious medical scenario she gives you grace and support. But when she has a simple cold she makes a huge deal about how she can’t come out, which is completely understandable but very different to her attitude to others being unwell.
She even tried to diminish the suspected illness I currently had before I was given a surgery date that I could use to prove to her it’s being taken seriously by MY doctor. During the surgery time and immediate days after in hospital she acted supportive answering questions, because there was no way she can diminish that, but then went back to acting like it’s nothing and brushing me off when I had a scary complication at home and tried to ask her if it needs following up tonight or not. It did need following up and needed antibiotics, if I’d gone by her reaction I’d have left it.
Jen never asked me again how I am, asked me to go for coffee 1 week post surgery, when I said I’m not anywhere near leaving the house stage she said nothing. She never asked how I am again since either and now less than 2 weeks post surgery she’s asking me to go out shopping and for lunch with her like my surgery never happened.
This time I’m really angry. I’ve always been the kind of person to not make others feel awkward or embarrassed and laughing off situations like this, especially with Jen’s attitude and comments towards me and others, I always underplay it for her instead of making her feel bad. I don’t want to escalate the situation or spend a lot of energy on it especially in my physical and mental state of recovery but I do want to reply to her briefly and succinctly putting her in her place for once. How shall I reply to her?
TL:DR - My doctor friend keeps asking me to come out and ignoring I’ve had surgery

TD;DR Newer relationship. Military boyfriend with a pattern of having a dog shit attitude but doesn't think he has a bad attitude. It's become exhausting trying to comfort him and calm him down when he doesn't want to help himself. Gets defensive when I try to shut down his shit talking spiral of negativity. I don't want to be the overly critical nagging girlfriend, so I want to leave while I still don't resent him. He's away for school and I want to wait until he gets back in a couple weeks. We've already talked about this issue a bunch. How to stay kind and compassionate while I wait for him to get back.
I've been with my boyfriend for only 7 months. Overall, it's pretty decent. We treat each other well, laugh a lot, have similar views on children and marriage, he's supportive, the sex is satisfying, and have had some pretty fun times together. It's been pretty drama free. He's active duty military. I am a veteran but have gone on to get my pilots license, work in aviation for a couple years, and now I'm a full time student studying software engineering. With the help of long term therapy, hobbies, and good friends, I would say I'm pretty happy in life right now. In the past though, I've suffered from not being able to regulate my emotions and having severe episodes of depression. Unfortunately, my boyfriend is not very happy in life. I try very hard to be validating, supportive, loving, and try to model healthy coping mechanisms but it's wearing on me. He has no friends. No hobbies. He hates his job. He talks poorly about other people. Everyone suck except for him. Everyone is a pussy except for him. Everything is stupid. The negativity spiral is a constant presence. And I don't like speaking poorly about other people how he does. I've gently encouraged seeking professional help because he has admitted that he might be depressed because his reactions to thing are disproportionate to whatever is triggering him. He has access to both medical and non medical mental health care. I'm exhausted from constantly validating him and trying to calm him down from the far reaching things he will start saying. He's very sensitive to criticism and gets defensive easily. I have to be very gentle with how I phrase things and avoid accusatory statements. It's really the only issue I have with him.
I did a lot of thinking and talk with my therapist and have decided that the negativity is a deal breaker for me. This negativity is exclusively work related. He doesn't treat me poorly, but I am baring the burden of his loneliness by myself. We live close to each other but He's away for a school right now.
First, I communicated that the negativity has become a constant presence, it dominates our conversations, and it's affecting my mood. I suggested that we try to find some balance together. He was cool about it.
A few days later, after he started talking poorly about other people, I set a boundary. I said that I would shut down the conversation once the it reached a certain intensity of negativity or once he started talking needlessly ill about other people. I said that if this seems like it's going to be a recurring thing, I'm going to have to assess if the relationship is healthy for me. He was cool about it.
Next, he talks about how he may have to a take a couple college classes (paid for by the military) to reach a certain goal he has. and then starts saying, "I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL I HATE SCHOOL. IM NEVER GOING TO USE COLLEGE ALGEBRA". I said that if he goes into classes with that idea it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. We do stuff we don't want to do to reach the goal we want. I said that he is capable, and even though general education courses aren't the most fun, it's still an opportunity to learn and develop new skills. He got defensive and said that I don't need to lecture him and that he doesn't have a shit attitude just because he said "college algebra isn't useful". The selective hearing is a recurring issue.
There's been a couple other times where he was able to self correct or apologized for getting upset with me when I would ask to change the subject. Most recently, he started calling a group of people cowards and that they shouldn't be in the Army. I tried to shut down the conversation twice but he kept going. I ended up playing into it more and shared my opinion and said that what he is saying is hypocritical because he may also be a part of the group hes talking about. He didn't see what he said as talking shit about other people. I said, "You can have that opinion. Im asking you to not voice it to me anymore". He got very defensive, saying that he isn't allowed to say anything with out having the opposite opinion. That we must disagree on everything.
I explained that I actually do agree with him a lot of the time, I just don't let the shit talking spiral out od control. He went to bed without FaceTiming me that night or saying goodnight. He did say good morning to me today.
I don't want to see myself turn into the overly critical, nagging girlfriend. I realize I am trying to change him. I am trying to fix him and that's not my job. I thought If I modeled better behavior and helped me breathe and relax when he got worked up, I could love him into being a more positive person. I can't. It's exhausting. I may just have to accept that we have different outlooks on the world. As much as I love him, this completely overwhelms his positive qualities. I can't see myself problem solving or raising children with this type of person (he already has one daughter that hes missed out on raising because of the military. He's basically just a fun uncle even though he tries to go home often to see her several time a year.) Sadly, he has no one else except me here and often tells me that he loves spending time with me and I make him so happy.
How can I practice being kind and compassionate towards him while still protecting my own mental well being while I wait for him to get back so I can end the relationship? I don't think he would be responsive to me saying that im thinking of ending the relationship.

I just woke from my 2nd lucid dream ever. Both times I wasn't actively trying to LD, but the moments I realized I was dreaming we're similar:
I somehow ended up in my garage and I realized something was off because it was empty. Then after the LD realization I would open the garage to explore.
The first time, the door was normal and I ended up in my neighborhood (although it was empty and with a yellow haze).
This recent one, the door was like a smooth particle board and orange. And it led to a desert with a bright white Dr. Seuss-like town I could explore.
My question is:
Should I always try and think of my garage when recalling and focusing on intent?
I don't have expectations for what's on the other side of the door. But I'm wondering if it would be helpful to use the garage as a place to see myself becoming lucid.
Thanks! And excited to explore this sub!

So to make it short and I'm absolutely bad at it. I'm undiagnosed but have many, autistic traits that I now realize in my thirties and honestly, to my own interpretation after multiple months of reading and research, I could fit the DSM V criterias.
However, currently, one thing that keeps on messing with my brain, especially with social issues and understanding social cues. Is I can tell in my past, especially child/teenage years I likely had issues of some sort but can't exactly remember clearly since it's been 15+years already and since I did not even knew I could be missing stuff I never stopped to look for it but I clearly knew something was off and everything would suggest that. I tried learning sociology, psychology and such, I could definitely go on and on.
However in my early twenties, tired of depression, not fitting in, being absurdly shy and almost always mute and socially inept I still went in nursing and after failing a few terms because all of my social issues, inabilities and such. At some point I just decided to act and try to fake being socially adequate and it worked and I kept on doing it and by now ten years later... It's almost natural. Also, currently, my job as a RN is in psychiatry been there for multiple years and I absolutely have to look at affect, body movement, social cues and such.
Honestly by now, I don't feel like I have many issues with that anymore. I can sometime suspect that I might have some small issues like when we have people diagnosed with narcissistic or antisocial personality disorder. I honestly have the hardest time figuring out when they're trying to manipulate me. But it could also be blamed on naivety or something else. I usually manage to get around these issues easily however because I have also learned over time to put clear limits and respect them.
I also happen to have figured systems to communicate, ask questions, I will actively put my hand on people shoulder and such at appropriate timing. It's incredible how unnatural and fake it all feels for me at times but it's also sort of natural by now. It clearly is masking but you know, at some point, I wonder if it's just me being socially awkward and bad with ADHD and a lot of overlapping ASD traits.
TL;DR how possible is it for someone on the spectrum to just get good/proficient socially through learning/exposure?

Hello, Folks,
I've been running Pf2e for a few weeks now, as part of a West Marches community, having previously run 5th Edition D&D for several years prior, and overall I would say my experience is significantly positive. That said, there are a few observations I wanted to point out to see how they compare to this community's experience with the system, any relevant transitions from 5e to Pf2e, and my own sensibilities vs either the system or the kind of community I'm a part of.
TL/DR: I am having a great time, there are just some experiences, preconceived notions, and design elements I'm still trying to work through, understand, and align expectations with.

1. I find that the post-combat activities feel a bit too, as best I can phrase, taken for granted. In every game I've run so far, the immediate thing the groups move to is their healing/refocusing activities. This isn't disruptive by any means, and it is certainly both expected to occur by myself and the system, but it seems like there's a critical (to me at least) step missing, that narrative beat between the encounter ending and the party deciding what to do next. My experience in 5e was typically that the party would regroup after an encounter, perhaps loot some bodies, make some checks to see if the coast is clear, and then discuss taking a short rest. On top of this, short resting is significantly simpler in 5e, which again is not an issue in fact I like all of the focus abilities the characters have in Pf2e, but it definitely takes up much more time than in 5e.
2. I'm aware that Pf2e has a significantly higher magic setting, in the sense that magic items are by design intended to be more pervasive, but the groups I've been running for seem to have a significant wealth of magic items. Now the WM community I'm a part of has very clear and RAW guidelines for magic and treasure, so my gut is telling me this is intended, but it does frequently present a "woah you guys can do that" moment for me at nearly every encounter. Fortunately Pf2e is designed well such that the wealth of magic items don't seem to have a significant power impact, but it does present a challenge subconsciously for me moving here from 5e of comparing the inherent attrition mindset by comparison. In other words, I'm accustomed to considering how challenging an encounter(s) is based on resources expended, but as I've run higher level games I'm seeing a significant reduction in proportional resources expended (in spite of the fact that by and large the players seem consistently challenged).
3. For the most part I'm detecting significantly less presence of a "system" difference between 5e and Pf2e than I expected to find. Mentions of the 3-action economy, the costs of things like movement, interacting with objects, etc., don't feel like they have nearly as much functional impact on the gameplay experience compared to how I envisioned them in my head. That said, things like one of my NPCs being knocked prone actually feels impactful because now they are less likely to be able to move into position, and things like Auras and Emanations feel like they stack so effectively that sometimes (in particular my game last night) I need to ask for 4-5 different saving throws at the start of a player's turn. Fortunately I run on Foundry, which dramatically improves the gameplay experience with the automations and tracking of things like persistent effects, but I am seeing a progressive increase in overlapping, stacking, persistent, and different effects going on at any given time, it is admittedly sometimes hard to keep track of it all.
4. Spellcasting feels like a mixed bag. My experience here is exclusively as a DM, so my spellcasting NPCs don't typically have the wealth of resources PCs typically do, but I have to actively read every single spell I see, including ones I recognize from 5e, because sometimes they are dramatically different. Case in point, I used Bestial Polymorph on a PC last night thinking it functioned like Polymorph from 5e, but it turns out there is another spell that does that, and not only did the spell do practically nothing even on a Failure, the target (a Beast Frog Barbarian) was able to use their Morph trait Rage to counteract the effect. It was cool, dramatic, and interesting, but it did kind of feel like that spell use case in particular fell flat primarily because it was hard to discern what the actual impact could/would be. This isn't necessarily bad, but it does suggest I'll need to be a lot more discerning about things like spells and abilities in relation to the party to avoid experiencing practical failure at creature selection.

All in all I am loving the experience of running in Pf2e, last night the game was described as a "truly cinematic experience", which is incredibly high praise for my own DM style and aspirations. I just wanted to share my experience and get some thoughts or feedback on things to consider, different perspectives, and perhaps some alignment of expectations as I continue to run games in this system.
Thanks!

Hello, I (28M) am making this post because I need to get this crazy story off my chest. I met a girl on Tinder (22F) at the beginning of this year and I thought we really hit it off. She had recently broken up with a long term boyfriend and was actually couch surfing between different family and friends. I work a lot and I really liked her so I offered to let her stay at my apartment. I also asked her to be in a relationship with me. At first she declined, but on Valentines I managed to pull out all the stops and tried my best to be romantic. (took her out, giant teddy bear, candy all that) I asked again if she wanted to be in a relationship with me and she agreed and moved into my apartment. Everything was good for a couple of months, we really didn't argue and the sex was great.
Her birthday was in April and I asked what she wanted for her birthday. She said she wanted to go on a camping trip and invite a bunch of friends. I was good with that plan and made arrangements to be off from work and spent a couple of hundred dollars on the supplies needed for the trip. She invited a ton of people but the only ones that ended up coming were here best friend, her best friends boyfriend, her brothers, her mom, and two other friends that were neighbors of her best friend. They only showed up at the end of the trip but, I was happy somebody else came for her.
Her best friend also brought her toddler. I had said before we went on the trip that bringing the toddler was not a good idea considering the plan for the weekend was to get drunk and smoke the whole time and that probably wasn't the best place for a two year old. I got ignored and my concerns were dismissed.
Anyway, on 4/20 we all end renting canoes and kayaks from the outfitters at the campground to float down the river. Halfway through; one of my then girlfriends brothers gets sick from to much to drink and ends up falling in the river multiple times. The river is still really cold and we end up having to split up and she takes her brother to get a ride back to the campsite at the halfway point. Then I was stuck with her friends that I didn't really know; to get back to the campsite with the canoes. I had met these friends about a half dozen times and they had struck me as rude and irresponsible but I hadn't spent much time with them. The boyfriend actually had never spoken directly to me at this point even though we had met several times.
I had been told by my ex over and over again how the boyfriend was abusive and how terrible he was to her friend. I told her since I hadn't seen anything I didn't want to be involved. On the second half of the trip her best friend and her boyfriend get into an argument over something. To this day I have no idea what either of them were upset about. This argument keeps escalating but only to yelling and throwing stuff and essentially a temper tantrum on the part of the boyfriend. We get back to the campsite and reunite with my ex, and they keep arguing and yelling at each other. Keep in mind the girl has been carrying around a two year old for this entire ordeal.
Eventually the boyfriend is in his vehicle shouting obscenities' and my exes friend goes to his vehicle and what happens next is the only point of disagreement between myself and my ex. I say he hit her, my ex says he pushed her out of the way. Tomato, tomato, it was still most definitely physical assault of a dating partner and since she had the toddler it was also child abuse. My exes mom then intervenes and they separate, I go over to the girl to ask if she's is alright and she starts asking me to fight her boyfriend. Then the boyfriend threatens to shoot me!!!?????
Keep in mind this guy has never spoken to me directly. As a side note I have trained MMA for over five years at this point and it is well known that I can fight. Normally fighting/sparring is very fun for me but if this dude is actually upset and not wanting to wrestle around for fun then I was going to need him to sign a waiver before I administered the beat down. Besides the dude had a gun and had threatened to shoot me so I'm not just going to attack him?
I tried to tell my ex that we needed to leave but she refused and said that if I wanted to leave I was more than welcome but that she would be staying. I decide to stay, and the rest of the night essentially consisted of her best friend wandering around the campground crying hysterically and the boyfriend posted in his vehicle between us and the exit in some kind of sad attempt to be intimidating. At one point while my ex and her friend attempt to console the boyfriend they essentially left the child unsupervised with me and her friends neighbors.
Both of the neighbors were under 21 and definitely to intoxicated to supervise a toddler. To be honest no one there was sober enough to care for a two year old at that time. At one point I actually stopped the toddler from running into the fire while my ex and her friend made the boyfriend food. (which I bought by the way) Literally the guy assaulted his girl, threatened to shoot me, and put his child in danger and my girlfriends reaction was to make him a hamburger. I was thrown.
Towards the end of the night its starting to calm down and I was coming back from collecting firewood. The boyfriend had moved his vehicle closer to the campsite but was still not interacting with the rest of the group. When I get back my exes friend is blocking my chair so I grab another from my trunk and offer it to her so I can sit down next to my girlfriend. Apparently the boyfriend was offended by this and actually spoke to me directly for the first time by stating that I needed to pay attention to my girl and if I talked to his again he would shoot me.
I had no idea how to react; this is now the second time this dude has threatened my life with a firearm and both times with no reaction from anyone. I tell my ex again that we need to leave and I was once again dismissed. Keep in mind there is no signal at this campground; so we are completely cut off from the outside world. It was already late so everyone turned in for the night shortly after. The next morning we pack up the campsite to go home.
When we get back to my apartment, I confirm with my ex everything that happened. She did confirm that the boyfriend had threatened to shoot me twice. Like I said earlier; I say he hit his girl my ex says he pushed her out of the way. Whatever; same difference. She also confirmed she understood that because the toddler was there it made everything that happened an act of child abuse. My goal for the conversation was to get my ex to report what happened so I could sit in the background and just confirm what she was saying was true.
However, my ex just kept trying to say that this was normal behavior by her friends boyfriend and that she wasn't going to do anything. I tried to reiterate over and over that this was not "Normal" behavior and that by not reporting what happened we could be considered liable if something worse happened in the future. I am not a mandated reporter but, I clearly understood that if I was; what happened would have been a mandatory report.
My ex then blew up at me and accused me of being and asshole and trying to isolate her from her friend. This was the farthest thing from the truth; since when I was told the boyfriend was abusive, I told my ex since I hadn't seen anything I couldn't do anything but, if her friend had no where to go and wanted to leave she was more than welcome to crash in my spare room. I had to go to work to get ready for the upcoming week so I couldn't keep arguing with her and started getting ready to head out. I told her we would discuss it when I got back and left for work. While I was showering I did consider kicking her out for not taking what happened more seriously but, I decided against it because overall I still liked her at that point and I didn't want her not to have anywhere to go.
While I am at work I text her an apology because admittedly I was mean at the end when she wouldn't take what happened seriously. I told her I still didn't know exactly what I needed to do but that the boyfriends behavior was completely unacceptable. She texts me back that she was breaking up with me and going to stay with her brother. I was a little shocked by this as we had not had any disagreements up until this point and I pressed her to figure out why. At first she lied and tried to say it had nothing to do with the argument and was because she wasn't ready for a relationship. I moved past the fact we had already been in a relationship for two months, she had me in her phone as daddy, was living with me, and had started receiving mail at my apartment and just accepted that she wanted to leave.
When I got back to my apartment a couple of hours later she had already packed her stuff and left. I was sad but I have been through a lot of breakups with women I liked so this wasn't new to me. I started going through my apartment to make sure all my stuff was still there and her stuff was gone. I did reach out to here that night because I wanted her to come get the stuff she had left and at least give me the opportunity to speak my peace in person. At this point I still thought she left because she wasn't ready for a relationship and that she was at her brothers.
At the end of the night, I called her expecting her to be at her brothers, she answered and instead I found out she was at her friends? Yes the one with the boyfriend who had just threatened to shoot me, had assaulted her friend, and put his child in clear danger due to his emotional tantrum. This was the only time I truly snapped at her because I couldn't believe she would do something like that. Two things became clear to me 1.) She never cared about me and was just using me for a free place to stay and free food. Which honestly I wouldn't have cared about if she had just been honest about it. And 2.) She was no longer a witness to what had happened, she was an accessory as she was actively trying to deter me from reporting the behavior.
My understanding of the statues around child abuse is that any action taken in an attempt to conceal child abuse makes you an accessory to said child abuse. Because of all that the feelings I had for her immediately died. I decided to sleep on everything and the next day I wrote out everything that happened and emailed it myself to time stamp the report. I gave it to a coworker that I trusted just to confirm I wasn't crazy. She is a mandated reporter and her words to me were that I absolutely did need to report what happened and that if I didn't she would. So I got the number that I needed to call from my coworker and filed a police report at my local police station. A few days later CPS did pay them a visit and I received a lot of nasty texts accusing me of filing the report because she broke up with me and intentionally trying to get the child taken by child services.
She even tried to say she wanted to get back together later when she was "in a better headspace" I called bullshit because to me and everyone I have told this story to she broke up with me in order to avoid the confrontation and distract me from making the report. Her admission confirmed that her plan was to come back when I had forgotten about what had happened. I quickly told her coming back was not an option for her and that I was not interested in her anymore. AITAH?
Also an update that happened last week, some different friends of my ex reached out to me on FB. I had only met these friends once so I was suspicious as to why they reached out. They did invite me over and looking back I think they were just wanting to get the full scoop on what happened as my ex had told them virtually nothing and had been overly vague as to why we had broken up.
I told them the full story to the best of my ability and they confirmed that similar incidents had happened in the past with the couple and that they do not associate with my exes friends due to the boyfriends behavior. I also learned that apparently one of my exes brothers was on my side and thought his sister was a "fucking idiot."
My exes friends apologized to me and expressed their support and agreed I did the right thing. NGL finding that out did really validate me because it was clear to me my ex was trying to protect her friends abuser but I still didn't understand why. What I have tried to believe, in order to not have so much negative emotion towards my ex, is that in her mind she feels like if she is there with her friend she will be safe. Also if anybody asks the neighbors would be shit witnesses to what happened, they were both under 21, highly intoxicated, and while I'm not sure what they are on narcotics wise. I am 90% sure they get it from the boyfriend. I apologize if this was to long of a read but AITAH?

I get a lot of messages asking about my cancer, so before I get to my story: I highly recommend visiting BCAN.org and asking to be paired up in their survivor to survivor program. Every diagnosis is different and the survivor to survivor program pairs you with someone with similar age, gender, and diagnosis, so you can ask all about their experience. I have enjoyed volunteering with the program and the newly diagnosed that I speak to seem to as well.
My story:
In March of 2020, I was diagnosed with Stage III muscle-invasive bladder cancer. Leading up to that diagnosis I had recurring episodes of extremely painful urination for nearly two years. Not a drop of blood in my urine. The episodes were becoming longer and more frequent. I had urgency and an extreme pain that had me calling out sick from work. It was pure misery and by the time I was diagnosed it was actually a relief.
The test I urge anyone reading this to get is a urine cytology. I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice. In my experience the urine cytology saved my life. It's a cheap "pee cup" test you can get at any urologist's office. More info here. My easy to remember rhyme is: if it burns when you pee, get a urine cytology.
Up until that test, doctors had been meandering down a path that was not focused on cancer. I was 33 years old (37M now) and due to my young age they didn't consider cancer. I had been in some mountain bike accidents with pelvic trauma so I was misdiagnosed with Pudendal Neuralgia. Symptoms matched but the treatment offered no relief.
I did my urine cytology. 15 minutes later "Atypical cells" led to a bladder scope and I was looking at my tumors in the urologist's office. The tumors were biopsied and I was scheduled for TURBT. This is where my stage III diagnosis was given. I felt immediate relief from the painful urination after tumor removal. The tumors were pressing on my ureters so it felt like kidney stones all the time. We immediately started chemo and my doctors began telling me I would lose my bladder. I did MVAC chemo for four rounds over the summer. This was very intense: what you think about when people say chemo. Lost my hair--gained weight which is not uncommon--and overall felt like shit. After that I was given a few weeks to recover and then had a radical cystectomy with neobladder diversion in August of 2020. This was not an easy decision but the prognosis was best. I tend to trust the data.
SHOUTOUT to my medical team: Dr. Bupathi & Dr. Monticelli of Rocky Mountain Cancer Centers; as well as Dr. Shandra Wilson my urologist and surgeon. Their skills and expertise assuaged all my concerns and made me feel so confident. THANK YOU SO MUCH. For those reading: get a good team; ask lots of questions; and don't be afraid to get multiple opinions. I keep several journals, which help a lot and I'll detail that at the bottom of this post*
Recovery from the neobladder surgery was the hardest part. I had a foley catheter and "grenade" for six weeks or so. My cath bag looked like a bag of red wine due to blood. They walk you around a lot to recover faster. It involved a lot of bed-rest intermixed with short walks. I think I was out of the office for at least a month. I am in generally very good physical shape and even several weeks after this procedure it was hard to walk more than 1/4 mile.
From there I thought I was cancer free. I lead my life with my family**. Here is what saved my life again: Signaterra testing. Dr. Bupathi had these tests scheduled every six weeks. It tracks genetic cancer markers in your blood. The test results look like the stock market except you want it to go down. After several months we noticed it was rising again. We ordered a PET scan, found enlarged lymph nodes, and determined my cancer had returned (or never left). I began a second chemo regiment followed by immunotheraphy (that I just completed yesterday!!!). CisGem chemo was quite difficult. The C in MVAC stands for cisplatin and it's generally one of the hardest drugs to tolerate. After a few difficult rounds we switched to carboplatin and it became much more tolerable. After that I did two years of Bavencio/Avelumab. My Natera test results showed that my cancer had dropped to untraceable levels during chemo, so I effectively beat it before starting the PDL1 inhibitor therapy. However, my team strongly encouraged me to complete the immuno. To me, it felt like putting out a campfire: add water, stir, add water, stir. You gotta make sure it's really gone!
The bavencio PDL1 therapy caused me a lot of mood swings and sometimes caused immune system flare ups (i.e. "immuno flu"). For the physical flare ups I used prednisone, as needed. I tried to do so sparingly as it basically cancels out your treatment. The mood swings were the worst. I would often be despondent and depressed for a few days after treatment. Other times, I'd feel no mood alterations. Most often, I'd be extremely irritable for about a week after treatment (treatments were every two weeks so it was very difficult).
I'm now two years cancer free and beginning my recovery from the immunotherapy treatments. I am so happy to live in an age of modern medicine. Within my lifetime many cancers will become manageable diseases--it appears to me that bladder cancer already has. Reach out to BCAN support groups and DM me if my post didn't answer a question of yours. Good luck! You got this!
*Journaling helped me tremendously. I had three journals (google docs). The first was an overall journal detailing my doctor visits. The second was a symptom journal. The third was an insurance journal/spreadsheet. The first journal served almost as a blog, which I shared with close friends and family. That way I didn't have to have the same conversation over and over. It's nice to have family and friends interested, but it does wear at you when you have to tell the same doctor visit over and over to people. This cut down on those discussions and allowed me to have more enjoyable calls with well-wishers. The second journal I would write down daily side effects and 1-10 pain scales. This was extremely important because I could bring it up with doctors and I wouldn't have to remember how I felt, I could look it up. It also helped me understand insidious side effects that take months to reveal themselves. This was the most important journal and kept me sane. There are soooo many side effects and when you start a cancer treatment program you often have no choice-- so why read them? Well this journal would help me understand when something was a side effect. Often just knowing that it wasn't you it was the drug would have a calming effect. The third journal was so I could fight insurance and get what I deserve. Insurance companies try to reduce payouts through exhaustion. They want you to give up. By documenting your experience you give yourself ammunition when you have to escalate a claim or file an appeal. You have everything laid out in an organized manner. You can get it out of your head and onto a spreadsheet so that you don't think about it when you go to bed at night. I had to file appeals several times, sometimes with Colorado Division of Insurance and my record-keeping was a tremendous boon to my case. Don't pay a bill as soon as you get it! Wait until you get the claim record from your insurance company and make sure the number on the bill matches what the insurance company told you to pay. If you cut that check wrong, you'll seldom get that money back!
**Neobladders do not have musculature like your normal bladder. I had several very severe bladder infections--a few that led to hospitalization. During the first 18 months or so, I was not catheterizing becuase I was under the impression that my new bladder worked. I peed constantly; however, I was retaining over one liter of urine at all times. This urine kept becoming infected and putting me in miserable situations. Under my urologists advice, I began cathing and immediately felt great. I lost nearly 10 lbs in "water weight" and no longer have any urgency issues. I can sleep through the night, but often will cath around five hours into the night just so I can sleep in later. On average I cath about once every three hours. It's not painful when done correctly. It's honestly just tedious. However, after all of this the only way my life is abnormal now is my cathing. I can swim, climb, play with my son and do any physical activity; it just takes longer to pee now. I'll take that win!

I was adopted internationally when I was a toddler. I feel that experience has really made me avoid conflicts at all costs. I just listen to whatever people tell me and don’t argue back.
I used to get verbally bullied in high school but I never retaliated as I didn’t want them to give them any attention. I believed that since I can’t control what people think of me, there is nothing I can do to change it. Even with friends, if they say they are busy to hang out due to their boyfriends or something, I never push for making some time for me, I just let that relationship fizzle off.
I don’t stand up for myself unless others are actively making me do something out of my will. I struggle with relationships as well as if I see any little amount of disinterest, I end it then and there. I don’t fight for anything. I believe too much about respecting personal choices of others even when it’s totally wrong. I have become immune to feeling anything when women give up their kids in hospitals or fire stations as I believe there is nothing that can be done to avoid it as we can’t force people to love us.

So I got dp dr because my stress leve, anxiety level was high during 2 months periods and especially last few weeks. I got sleeping pills because I couldn't sleep properly and I have to do physical activity high everyday so my body needs to rest. However, I'm constantly checking if everything around me is okey, even when is okey then it's weird because of it. I also got Zoloft for reducing my Anxiety but I didn't start yet with that. I think main problem was that checking if everything is okey instead of just accepting and let it fade which is hard. Probably that kicks my anxiety now and sometimes gets me upset. Questioin is would Rivotril helped to not think about it, to not care because if I don't care about it I woudnt notice it at all.
Also I started doing therapy did 1 appointnemnt for now, next will be more regarding my problem, so I want ot never happend again. Problem is that i'm thinikng that I will stay in this state of mind forever and that also upsets me. Before this issue if I think what I'm going to do today I wouldn't care, now that upsets me as well. Literally overthinikng issue, cant focus on any other thing for more than 20 minutes. I understand that as soon as I reduce anxiety everything will be fine, but maybe thinking meds will help me with reducing anxiety at least until I found way how to treat with my therapist

First time poster, so please bear with me. Also, English is not my native language.
After some traumatic relationship experience in my early 20s, I (27F) have been single for almost 6 years with occasional flings here and there. It took me a long time to process everything so I stayed happily single and told myself, that I will only give up my peace of mind if the right guy miraculously shows up. Recently, however, I started feeling ready for a relationship. To a point to feeling lonely as I haven’t loved or been loved for a long time now. Still, I never got to know anyone that I found interesting enough to consider going for it.
About three weeks ago, I’ve met someone (29M) that I kinda clicked with BUT I knew that he is not “the one” as he seems to be in a phase of not dating seriously but rather casually. Cool with me since I missed sleeping with someone (it’s been some time). We casually met whenever we both were in our home city (both of us travel a lot for work), the sex and conversations were great and in general I think we both enjoyed each other’s company. Did I start having some feelings? Probably a little, although not too deep since I reminded myself that he is not serious dating material. I just enjoyed the moment.
Anyways, two days ago I asked him if he would like to meet up again and well… nothing. No response, nothing. I get that life can get busy sometimes but he is not the type to not answer within a few hours. He’s also been online and active on socials, so he’s definitely ignoring me. And this stings me more than it should. Yes, we were only casual but I think it’s basic decency to at least reply with “not interested anymore/ I’ve met someone else/ I’m busy”. It hurts and I don’t know who to react properly to this. My brain says: f*ck him, he wasn’t right for you anyways. Move on. On the other hand, my heart wants closure and tells me to send him one last text calling him out and telling him how disrespectful his behavior is.
This is the first time I’ve been ghosted and I don’t know how to handle this gracefully. What makes someone treat one like this and what’s the best way to react to this in a graceful way?
TL;DR my affair partner ghosted me and I don’t know how to deal with it.

So I got dp dr because my stress leve, anxiety level was high during 2 months periods and especially last few weeks. I got sleeping pills because I couldn't sleep properly and I have to do physical activity high everyday so my body needs to rest. However, I'm constantly checking if everything around me is okey, even when is okey then it's weird because of it. I also got Zoloft for reducing my Anxiety but I didn't start yet with that. I think main problem was that checking if everything is okey instead of just accepting and let it fade which is hard. Probably that kicks my anxiety now and sometimes gets me upset. Questioin is would Rivotril helped to not think about it, to not care because if I don't care about it I woudnt notice it at all.
Also I started doing therapy did 1 appointnemnt for now, next will be more regarding my problem, so I want ot never happend again. Problem is that i'm thinikng that I will stay in this state of mind forever and that also upsets me. Before this issue if I think what I'm going to do today I wouldn't care, now that upsets me as well. Literally overthinikng issue, cant focus on any other thing for more than 20 minutes. I understand that as soon as I reduce anxiety everything will be fine, but maybe thinking meds will help me with reducing anxiety at least until I found way how to treat with my therapist

So I got dp dr because my stress leve, anxiety level was high during 2 months periods and especially last few weeks. I got sleeping pills because I couldn't sleep properly and I have to do physical activity high everyday so my body needs to rest. However, I'm constantly checking if everything around me is okey, even when is okey then it's weird because of it. I also got Zoloft for reducing my Anxiety but I didn't start yet with that. I think main problem was that checking if everything is okey instead of just accepting and let it fade which is hard. Probably that kicks my anxiety now and sometimes gets me upset. Questioin is would Rivotril helped to not think about it, to not care because if I don't care about it I woudnt notice it at all.
Also I started doing therapy did 1 appointnemnt for now, next will be more regarding my problem, so I want ot never happend again. Problem is that i'm thinikng that I will stay in this state of mind forever and that also upsets me. Before this issue if I think what I'm going to do today I wouldn't care, now that upsets me as well. Literally overthinikng issue, cant focus on any other thing for more than 20 minutes. I understand that as soon as I reduce anxiety everything will be fine, but maybe thinking meds will help me with reducing anxiety at least until I found way how to treat with my therapist

TL/DR at the bottom..
I have no idea how I got here, how this happened or what to do.
My current direct report (we'll call them L) and I are the only two fully remote employees on our team and we were hired at the same time. Everyone else has a hybrid work schedule and before covid they went into work every day.
From day one, I felt like I was kind of just... ignored. Throughout the interview process I was very transparent that I did not have direct experience in some of the duties but they chose to hire me based on my relevant industry experience and my education.
In the one year I have been at this position, several people higher than I am have quit and our team has had to reorganize not once, not twice, but three times, which has resulted me being separated by three levels from the person who originally hired me (I'll call them J). That person is now my boss's, boss's boss.
With this most recent reorganization, I had a one on one last week with my boss's boss (I'll call them C) and wanted to know how they thought I was doing in the midst of this new department structure. I asked because I honestly could not tell you how I'm doing. I've gotten next to no feedback from anyone except for the guy who was hired remotely with me who is now my boss/direct report (i.e. L). In this meeting C told me that they think I'm doing a great job! Cool!
However, two days ago, L called me and asked me if I had had a meeting with C. I said yes and told him what C had said to me.
L goes on to explain that he just got off a call with C who said the following things:

1. C was taken aback that I was asking for feedback and said that they "chickened out" and couldn't tell me the truth, which is that I am universally hated on the team.
   
2. C said that she was actively trying to push me into another team
   
3. C has spoken to multiple employees on my team who have been gossiping about things I "said" about other coworkers and they all can't wait for me to be fired (to be clear, I take a firm stance on not gossiping or talking negatively about my coworkers and NONE of the things L relayed to me about what people are saying are true)
   
4. C intends to influence L's year end review of me
   
5. No one on this team wanted to see me get hired. They're angry that I was hired into the pay bracket I was when they apparently have all had to climb the ranks to get there for years. They're angry that I came into this position and that, a year later, I'm not a complete expert in this thing I've had zero specific experience in.
   
6. J, who hired me, regrets her decision and placed C in their current role to try and see if they can fix me and "my issues" or fire me.
   

I was devastated to learn this. This is THE first time that I've heard about any of this and I'm shocked that I'm only hearing these things a year later. Everyone has been so kind to my face that this was a major shocker. My self esteem is totally shot because I truly had no idea this was happening. Almost like, how could I be so stupid? I've witnessed C gossip about other employees on calls with me and L and but I never thought I'd hear this.
I have produced work for C and J many times and they have told me straight to my face how excellent of a job I've done. And I really thought like I was finally getting to a place where I was hitting my stride.
I feel like I'm in a total bind here. If I say anything to anyone including HR, everyone will know that L was the one who told me and I do not trust that L will back me up on this. I have no idea what to do. What would you do?
TL/DR: company has reorg'd 3 times and I now find myself in a toxic work environment and have recently learned that everyone apparently hates me.

Hi,
So i'll (31F) try to quickly describe my situation - also because i'm getting desperate at this point and i need to share what a bad year and a half i've had, and I really need some outside opinion if my expectations of my family and friends' support are normal.
What happened in last year and a half: a close family member died, I moved to a different city and back to my parents house which is for me also a lose of some independence, but the rents are too high and salaries too low to afford living on my own, i started a new job which i don't really like, but i need the money, a painful breakup with boyfriend, sister moved abroad, and the latest thing - i was diagnosed with cervical cancer (luckily the surgery was successful, but there are quite high chances for this kind of cancer to repeat and i feel like my time for having kids is suddenly supper limited and even the doctor told me i'd better hurry, because the best option for it to not reoccur of course is to remove your whole cervic and uterus. But i dont even have a partner yet). During this time i also cut contacts with some of my friends because i felt i always had to pretend everything is fine, i didn't feel they support me and some thing they did were straight up betrayal for me (like keeping close contact with my highfunctioning alcoholic ex, because "he is so much fun to go party with" - everyone is over 30yo - while distancing from me, because i was simply further away).
During this time i've been going to therapy, which is what probably kept me going, but otherwise i've felt super lonely and lacking support. Some people i consider close to me, made me question my ability to deal with difficulties and what kind of support i actually need, and wether i have too high expectations from people around me. Generaly when i try to open up and share what im going through to people, who i think i know for long enough to be somehow vulnerable with them (like we've been friends for years), not people i just met a couple of times, i get back the uncomfortable looks and they very rarely check up on me after. I usually have to be the one to again initiate the contact, or if they do contact me first it's to go out and have fun. Also my sister who is mostly supportive, would sometimes when she doesn't feel like it, tell me straight that she doesn't want to talk (but not in a nice way, maybe saying to talk some other time, but in a "f***off" tone, and also won't call me back later). I've been putting a lot of effort in trying to meet new people (new hobbies, even joined bumble bff) but it's super difficult where i live - people generally don't feel the need for new friends, so i've only had some luck with expacts who at least want to do some fun activities together.
I realize everyone has their own struggles in life and that they have enough things to deal with, so they can't always have the capacity to be supportive. But isn't the point of having people close to you - that you share happy moments but that you're also there for each other when it's difficult?
I'm careful to never talk only about myself, but i always ask about whats going on in peoples lives and if they need me, im there for them. Also if i share something difficult, I usually try to end on a positive note, so they wouldn't feel overwhelmed and as if i need them to do anything. Because they don't have to. I know i will solve my issues by myself, id just like to feel i can tell it to someone to not feel so alone. But sometimes i get desperate and then i just need someone to listen. But maybe that's too much like i'm trauma dumping? Where is the line really?
So how much support would be resonable to expect from people in my life in my situation? How does genuine support even look like? And where is the line between expressing your unpleasant emotions caused by difficult situations and trauma dumping on someone?
TL;DR: i had a bad year and a half, i dont feel people in my life are supportive - am i expecting too much from them?
Thank you everyone for taking the time to read and reply!

Note: therapist uses they/them pronouns.
TL/DR: I’m feeling friction with my therapist’s opinion that most ND people have one or two friends they keep up with over long periods of time, who have known them through various phases of their life. Looking for lived experience of others.
Long form:
My therapist expressed yesterday that they think it’s sad and lonely (could be them trying to see if I identify with those terms around my friendships/lack of, but I don’t and they persisted with this language) that I don’t have that. I’ve never seen it modeled, never had a friend try on their end to keep the relationship going once the convenience factor has passed, and I think it’s counterproductive and possibly harmful for my therapist to be telling me I’m experiencing a lonely, sad life because of the way I don’t connect to people.
My dad is diagnosed ADHD and does not have any friends at all, and probably has never had any in his adult life. He has work “friends” who he keeps up because he has high social motivation, but he is very transactional. As in he’ll talk about achievement and job/school/kids, but not passion and emotion.
My mom is undiagnosed autistic and her friendships have been ones of convenience/proximity or people who had the same hyperfixation. I’m not aware of my mom keeping up with anyone particularly well who is not actively in her life.
What I’m here to ask for is the gut check against my reaction to my therapist - do you have someone you are not related to who has persisted through several life stages (teens/20s/kids/etc)? Or are your experiences more like mine where most friends are situational and do not continue long term? If you don’t have persisting relationships, do you feel your life is less fulfilling because of that factor?
Thanks for your help on this one.

My mother has been collecting her social security for many years now. However, its a battle to survive on it so she is still working. Throughout the years she has had issues with her eyes and now she needs another surgery. Her Dr. told her she need to avoid any physicals activities and to not work as much. But I know my mom and she will continue to work because she cannot survive off of her monthly check. Not including SS, she made 40k last year which is more than she made when she went on SS.
So here are my questions.
Can she go on disability while collection social security?
Can she re-apply with her higher salary?
Any advice is welcome, I'm just trying to better her situation. She has no other Gov help. (in NJ if that matters)

Note: therapist uses they/them pronouns.
TL/DR: I’m feeling friction with my therapist’s opinion that most ND people have one or two friends they keep up with over long periods of time, who have known them through various phases of their life. Looking for lived experience of others.
Long form:
My therapist expressed yesterday that they think it’s sad and lonely (could be them trying to see if I identify with those terms around my friendships/lack of, but I don’t and they persisted with this language) that I don’t have that. I’ve never seen it modeled, never had a friend try on their end to keep the relationship going once the convenience factor has passed, and I think it’s counterproductive and possibly harmful for my therapist to be telling me I’m experiencing a lonely, sad life because of the way I don’t connect to people.
My dad is diagnosed ADHD and does not have any friends at all, and probably has never had any in his adult life. He has work “friends” who he keeps up because he has high social motivation, but he is very transactional. As in he’ll talk about achievement and job/school/kids, but not passion and emotion.
My mom is undiagnosed autistic and her friendships have been ones of convenience/proximity or people who had the same hyperfixation. I’m not aware of my mom keeping up with anyone particularly well who is not actively in her life.
What I’m here to ask for is the gut check against my reaction to my therapist - do you have someone you are not related to who has persisted through several life stages (teens/20s/kids/etc)? Or are your experiences more like mine where most friends are situational and do not continue long term? If you don’t have persisting relationships, do you feel your life is less fulfilling because of that factor?
Thanks for your help on this one.

This is going to be long winded, but I want to get this off my chest to an audience who can more so relate. I really just need to vent too because I have been so go-go-go in my life & I haven’t gotten much chance to talk about this.
I’ve been a traveler since covid, and had planned to stay that way due to enjoying that I basically got to see the parts of the country that I wanted to see. Life was great then. I could take as much time off as I wanted, never had to deal with unit drama, pay made sense for my single, no-tie-downs situation. Then, depression hit.
In short, last Sept-December I spiraled in to this deep, intense sadness feeling that I’ve never felt before. I was back home to enjoy being around but I was being toyed around by my now ex-best friend/roommate, and the girl I was falling for. Eventually I finally confirmed my suspicion and they had been sleeping with each other while I was gone on contract. Lost a bunch of weight, depression hit, calling out of work/leaving early a lot, started having gastritis like symptoms. I used Toradol a little more than the bottle said cause my shoulder injury & I clearly just wasnt thinking. Had a scope done to confirm that. Theres a lot more details I am leaving out unless anyone wants to know, but I finally cut ties with both of them. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I moved out to live with a guy a graduated with & that really helped me get myself back.
I started another contract this past March in the PNW. I love hiking, snowboarding, biking, etc. Just being active is like my thing. The depression started slowly sinking in again. I felt like i had no time to breathe on my very few days off. My schedule was preventing me from going off and getting far out to do hikes that werent in the immediate, one hour radius. Theres too many damn people here for my taste. Traffic nearly all the time, nearby trails are always flooded with people. One day, i woke up before work just not feeling right. Emotions were intense, but i went into work anyway. My stomach symptoms were coming back, and I’m stressing out about it. I dont want pills to mask symptoms, i want to know the root cause. I drive myself mad researching how to identify this without having to spend multiple DR appointments doing. The major causes arent applicable to me. Im 29, healthy body weight, rarely eat junk food, active, dont smoke/drink, etc. Im fighting back tears at work for weeks now. Coworkers have started noticing.
I panicked and called in sick for a handful of days and drove to see a best friend of mine that i met while on a previous contract. I need to make a change in my life. This travel stuff isnt worth the headaches anymore. I’m tired of having to fight for my paychecks all the time. Tired of the isolation, the loneliness. I want to start dating someone but thats difficult. I want upward career growth, but not really possible being a traveler. He offers to let me move into his spare bedroom for cheap. i applied to a few non-bedside jobs and one of them seems very promising with chances of growth. More of a healthy lifestyle approach to nursing which sounds right up my alley.
Now i dont want to go back to my contract. I drove back yesterday, went to the manager, was honest about everything, and quit right there. Ive been beaming since! Im excited to turn a chapter in my life, and start living in an area i know i love. No longer having to deal with hospital BS sounds great. Y’all wish me luck!

My little guy is not quite 2 and is, as most toddlers are, obsessed with doing what Daddy does. Daddy does dishes = I like doing dishes too! Daddy does laundry = I must help "washerdryer" too!
I was letting him "help" with the dishes last night because it was keeping him happy while my wife rested to deal with a migraine. I figured it was a good experience for him to splash around a bit. I zoned out for just a second and suddenly I see a flash of glass. I instantly realized "oh CRAP he got the fragile shot glass" and asked him "can Daddy have that?" He sort of tossed it at me, which I wasn't expecting, so it fell into the sink and bounced around while I tried to nab it.
To my horror, it fell into the garbage disposal just perfectly so that it would be a bitch to take out. My brain fused "God dammit" and "FUCK" and it bypassed my PG detector so I just kind of yelled "GOD FUCK IT!" I am not proud. I try my best to avoid that.
Little dude looked at me with the most inquisitive eyes. He looked back at the Trash Obliterator 9000 with the glass in it. He asked so innocently: "God fuck it?" while pointing clearly at the most unfuckable device known to man unless you want to blend your penis.
I gotta admit, it caught me off guard so I couldn't help but laugh. He is a comedian so he knows it was funny, so he got a big smile and kept repeating it.
I know he will bring that up again someday when it is least appropriate :(
TL;DR: I blurted out something unholy and now my child thinks the Lord wants to stick his dick in the garbage disposal

I had surgery just under 2 weeks ago, my friend Jen knows exactly what surgery I had, the complications I had on top of it in great detail and she visited me a few days after as well and saw how much I was struggling physically and mentally. I’ve also kept her up to date on how things are going with me after that in our friend group.
A simple Google immediately says my initial recovery time is 6-8 weeks without complications, 3 months for a really full recovery. Jen is a doctor so she doesn’t even need to Google but if she’s unsure I’m sure can refresh herself on it before she decides how to approach me confidently on the situation.
Last week, just 1 week after my surgery, she asked if I can come out for coffee with her. I was extremely shocked she was doing this but also very disappointed in her. I was hoping she wouldn’t do this because of her history.
Jen is a doctor and as long as she first started training to be one until now being an experienced doctor has used it as a way to diminish any health issues her friends have, with a rolling eyes attitude to anything you say you have or think you have, treating you like a hysterical medical time waster and like everything you think you have is you exaggerating or wanting to be ill. She’s never wanted us to go to her for medical advice and we’ve always respected that, but as friends talking about being ill in general occasionally and medical things come up in personal conversations (I had to go to A&E last night etc), she herself talks about her own.
Once I mentioned I’d had a migraine at the weekend and she immediately interrupted me with disdain patronisingly saying a headache isn’t a migraine. I said I had to go A&E as I could barely walk or see. She shut up straight away but you’d think she’d stop doing things like that after getting responses like that everytime but she never does. Only when you’re in an undeniable active serious medical scenario she gives you grace and support. But when she has a simple cold she makes a huge deal about how she can’t come out, which is completely understandable but very different to her attitude to others being unwell.
She even tried to diminish the suspected illness I currently had before I was given a surgery date that I could use to prove to her it’s being taken seriously by MY doctor. During the surgery time and immediate days after in hospital she acted supportive answering questions, because there was no way she can diminish that, but then went back to acting like it’s nothing and brushing me off when I had a scary complication at home and tried to ask her if it needs following up tonight or not. It did need following up and needed antibiotics, if I’d gone by her reaction I’d have left it.
Jen never asked me again how I am, asked me to go for coffee 1 week post surgery, when I said I’m not anywhere near leaving the house stage she said nothing. She never asked how I am again since either and now less than 2 weeks post surgery she’s asking me to go out shopping and for lunch with her like my surgery never happened.
This time I’m really angry. I’ve always been the kind of person to not make others feel awkward or embarrassed and laughing off situations like this, especially with Jen’s attitude and comments towards me and others, I always underplay it for her instead of making her feel bad. I don’t want to escalate the situation or spend a lot of energy on it especially in my physical and mental state of recovery but I do want to reply to her briefly and succinctly putting her in her place for once. How shall I reply to her?
TL:DR - My doctor friend keeps asking me to come out and ignoring I’ve had surgery