How long does benzoylecgonine last in urine

A4A
Story driven script
Sfx/actions: ()
Male/female
Word count:1401 ………………
Masterlist version:https://drive.google.com/file/d/18qZHsfgBd2cxZX7b0AQBFeIBci31KlFf/view?usp=drivesdk
(Fire crackling)
“ugh my head, that's the last time I have six shots in three minutes, it's such a stupid bet why do I always take it up, it only ever leads to the worst hangovers the next day”
“Huh? This isn't my apartment. Where the hell am I?”
“OK breath (name) breathe this could still just be a dream, I mean it must be right I've been drunk before but never drunk enough to end up in a cave that for some reason has those ancient torches on the walls “
(Pinches themselves)
“Oww…OK so not a dream, that's not good I'm gonna need to get up and find a way out of here before whatever calls this cave home either wakes up or comes home to find a nice tasty and possibly still slightly drunk snack”
“Ugh OK standing up is not going to work right now, damn I am in a mess, sitting in a random cave too lethargic and dizzy to stand up”
“This can't just be from too many drinks, maybe someone spiked my drink?... I mean it's possible and would make sense for why I'm in the middle of nowhere with no memory of last night”
“Well now it's even more important that I get out of here, for all I know they Could be coming to find me right now, or maybe it was them that put me here in the first place”
“Whoa…Ok still can't stand but I can crawl”
“There we go, that's better, the world isn't spinning and I'm making progress, at least I think this is the way out …up is out right?”
(Pause)
“Pant, pant, pant, that was a much deeper cave than I thought, I swear if I kneel on one more sharp rock I'm going to scream”
“But at least I'm finally at the entrance to the cave and it seems to be daytime so I can finally get back to some semblance of civilisation, how I ended up all the way out here I'll never know”
“AHH oww what the hell?”
“AHH fuck why does the sun burn …ahh that felt like I grabbed a hot iron”
“ok, ok breathe (name) there must be some kind of reasonable reason for why the sun burns, I mean there must be right? it's not as if someone just becomes Hypersensitive To the sun overnight, maybe I'll head back into the cave and see if I can find any AHH WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?, GET BACK”
“RELAX…NO, I WON'T RELAX YOU KIDNAPPED ME, STOP MOVING”
“Stop…telling me to calm down, I'm not going to …wait why did I calm down?...why can't I get angry?”
“I'm…in your thrall?, what do you mean that I'm in your thrall?”
“I follow your orders even if I don't want to … the Hell is that supposed to mean, I'm like your slave?”
“More like a servant?...ok OK let's go back a minute, what The hell is going on?”
“Yes I think that at the very least I deserve some answers about what happened last night, why I'm in a cave and why every time I try and go into the sun it feels like someone has dumped acid on my skin AHH …STUPID SUN”
(Footsteps)
“OK, ok I'm calm again, I'm calm but I still want answers “
(Pause)
“ ok…so you're telling me that I got attacked by a group of vampires on my way home from the Bar and they pretty much entirely drained me of blood? I'm not sure that I believe vampires are real but let's ignore that for just a second. How did I end up here?
“Oh you weren't done, sorry ill be quiet, please continue “
(Longer Pause)
“ok well that's a lot to take in all at once, so there is a list of rules that the more powerful vampires have put in place so that the risk of vampires being discovered and ultimately hunted is reduced as much as possible, so one of these rules is that you do your best not to hunt or harm humans if you have any other choice and you absolutely do not kill, turn or leave them unconscious but that group were young and thought they were untouchable, well young in terms of vampires but still they broke that rule and hunted me anyway”
“Huh, That makes a little more sense but it's still a lot I mean 5 minutes ago I didn't know that you guys existed and now there are rules and laws as well”
“OK well that does explain some stuff but it doesn't answer My question…why am I in this cave?”
“Because they didn't just drink from me they thought it would be funny to turn me into a ….no no you have to be kidding me there's no way that I'm a vampire now I mean there's just no way”
“Stop telling me to relax, this is a perfect situation to not be calm in, and now that I'm thinking about it why am I in thrall to you and not them if they were the ones that turned me?”
“Because they never performed the ritual to bind me to them so you did instead when you found me …why the hell would you do that? I could have been free, I could have figured something out without being in a dark cave while having to follow some random vampires orders”
“Because when a new vampire Is bound to an older one it prevents them from turning feral…I um, didn't know that was a thing that could happen. I guess I'm sorry about that outburst… ugh Can I have a minute?... I just need a minute to try and make sense of everything that you just told me ”
“Thank you…wait before you go. I do have one more question if that's OK?”
“Good um l, what happened to the vampires that turned me? are they still out there?”
“Declawed and de-fanged?That sounds like a pretty painful experience, is it painful?”
“It is?...in that case good, fuck those assholes”
“thank you, I don't know why you're being nice since I've been nothing but aggressive since I met you but, thank you”
“I know that it makes sense to be upset after all that happened to me but still, thank you”
(Pause)
In the speaker's mind: “So I'm a vampire now, well that's just great and it had to be right after I managed to save up to buy my apartment, I wonder if I'll be able to go back after the sun sets, I wonder if they will let me go back”
In the speaker's mind: “ I mean they seem nice enough, they never raised their voice or manhandled me as I'd imagine as an older vampire they could, I wonder if the movie thing about older vampires being stronger and more powerful is a real thing or just fantasy, I'll ask them when they come back ”
In the speaker's mind:” Ugh well there's nothing I can do except try and come to terms with all of this and figure out if I'm spending an eternity in this cave ….hey I just realised I'm immortal now so that's one upside at least”
(Small pause)
In their mind: “I'm going to have to drunk blood aren't I?....well that didn't last long now it's right back to sucking…I hope I don't like the taste”
“ok that's enough wallowing it's time to find them again and see what happens now, hopefully, nothing too bad because my head is still pounding, it's going to be because I'm thirsty I just know it, ugh I feel sick at the thought of having to feed on something…or someone, I honestly don't know which I think would be worst if I'm honest “
“Oh you were only over here, well then I guess you heard a few of the questions I still had but if it's OK can I ask you a couple more?”
“Ah well thank you, should I call you anything in particular?”
“Yeah I can't pronounce that name can I call you Vamps instead? no? Hmm how about fangs?...that's better? good then fangs it is, oh sorry lord/lady fangs”
“Ok, the first question is about the whole drinking blood situation”
(Audio fades out)
(End)

Not too long ago, in the swanky confines of a tech startup where I was working as a project lead, I was suddenly made aware of how my own cognitive biases were impacting my leadership skills. It was a usual team meeting, brimming with fresh ideas and the usual banter. However, in this particular session, something didn’t feel right.
We were brainstorming for a new project, and as the team lead, I always had the last word. My team had some brilliant ideas, but I always leaned towards those that came from my right-hand man, let's call him John. John is a brilliant coder, always working late, and we shared a lot in common. I realized I had become so partial to John's ideas, that I unintentionally dismissed any suggested by others.
Then, a newbie in the team, let's call her Sarah, whose ideas I often overlooked, brought up the concept of 'Confirmation Bias'. She explained how we tend to gravitate towards ideas that align with our existing beliefs and ignore those that don't. I realized then, in this conference room, surrounded by pizzas and diet cokes, that my inclination towards John's ideas was a perfect example of a cognitive bias taking place right under my nose.
Learning about cognitive biases was a game-changer for my leadership style. I made an effort to be consciously aware of them in decision-making scenarios. I started to encourage different viewpoints, fostered a culture of open discussion, and made sure everyone felt valued and heard. By acknowledging and confronting my cognitive bias, I managed to enhance not just my leadership skills but also the team's productivity and morale.
P.S - No Johns and Sarahs were harmed in the making of this hypothetical story. But, it does make you think, doesn't it? Cognitive biases are sneaky little creatures, but once you spot them, it's like having a secret superpower. So go ahead, flex those mental muscles and make cognitive biases your secret to stellar leadership and team management.

We've done sleep training, we've followed wake windows, we've literally tried every trick in a book and our baby seems to be fine for a week in a month, and then has 3 weeks/a month of fighting everything that we taught him. Everyone has told us that the first year is filled with regressions, phases and whatnot, but they are neverendless even as we're past the first 12 months. We get 7 days per month, at most, of him sleeping well and then it's onto new regression we go. We just get used to a somewhat normal rhythm and he relapses. How long will this last/when does it truly end?

Hi everyone,
first of all, this MAY be a bit long. I don't know though, so... i warned you. Also, i am going off memory and cutscenes of youtube (no way i'm replaying the whole story on a warlock/titan) so i may not report what people say verbatim, but bear with me.
I don't know if others made a similar post, but i FELT i had to. The theme of the whole expansion kinda resonated with me and i think bungie executed it perfectly. Also, i though about writing "underlying them", but this word makes me feel like it's something in the background, while it really is front and center. It's a main part of destiny but this time is really prominent. The theme i'm talking about is: life, death and moving forward.
I can already hear you say: duh, of course it's the theme of destiny, we die and keep reanimating! Yeah, but in the other expansions' campaigns there wasn't such a focus on this. For example, Forsaken is obviously about revenge and how it affects us and others (see one of my favorites lore pages, thin line. Chills everytime). Well, onto the main thing.
Of course, the whole life, death and moving forward thing can be seen in the TFS plot: the witness wants to freeze everything in our best moments, we want to live our lives. Let's go by steps anyway.
We start with meeting Cayde. He's been brought back to life by a wish of Crow, expressed through Riven. Now, Cayde himself says that he felt he was in a "peaceful nothing", there was even Sundance, then he was ripped by that. He felt whole while dead and already knew we were inside the traveler. It could be said that the traveler is like a god, when we die we go back to it,at least the guardians and the ghosts. I say this because Zavala in a cutscene while he's despairing says that this afterlife is not good if the people he wants to see aren't there.
There are the scenes of the reunions of Ikora and Zavala with Cayde: to be fair, our guardian's reaction is the only one i felt was "off", the Vanguard acts WAAAY more realistically when meeting a guy thought dead for like five years.
The scene at the campfire, all together, talking about Amanda. This is a great, great moment. Crow talks about her, can't finish the sentences, trembles. He still can't believe she isn't there anymore. And Cayde here acts like a guide, he says: "life isn't about holding on. [...] Eventually, you have to let go". I think he knows he's not staying forever, that he's an anomaly, held together somehow, not really "alive". We don't even know if he can leave the pale heart. After his words, we are given a moment of silence to reflect on them: Zavala feels them more than others because he still has regret about Safiyah and Hakim (hope i wrote them correctly).
This is the fate of all living things and for guardians, it's even worse: they don't age, don't die of sickness, are forced to watch their human friend get old and die. Being able to mourn and moving forward are necessary.
Talking about Zavala, he was tempted by the witness, given the choice to stay together with his wife, frozen in time. His character got a lot of development in the last 3/4 years, starting with stasis, then the lucent hive and the nightmares. Now, his desperation has reached the tipping point: he gives himself to darkness, ends up losing Targe. Another sacrifice in order to defeat the Witness, another loss. Remember what Sundance said? "what comes from the light returns to the light". Targe is back with the traveler, Zavala is human again, forced to come to terms with the perspective of his death. And yet, this time he manages to get back on his feet: he asks Ikora to help him learn Stasis, something he had not used until now. He accepts what happened, moves forward.
Another point is the mission Wild Card where Cayde forgives Uldren for killing him: they were dealt a hand and played as best as they could. Now he has got a new one. Crow becomes the new hunter vanguard, a new generation taking over after the old one is gone.
Cayde didn't want to stay forever i think. He wanted his life to have meaning and to end it on his own terms. In the final cutscenes, when he brings our ghost back to life, he lets us know that. What he does is his choice, the light connects all so he can revive our ghost. He is part of him and Cayde is part of our little light. Our ghost can feel him, Sundance too. We just have to move on, don't stop here. (Props to bungie for giving Cayde the line "nobody makes my fate but me")
The Witness too is a part of this. He sought to give order to the world, to end suffering, to "save" everyone by creating a world that stays still, where we're in our best moments: triumphs for the guardians, a loved one for zavala... And he doesn't understand. He cannot understand why people would oppose this fate (i didn't choose this word randomly). Why would people fight him, choose a life that is imperfect, filled with sadness and death, instead of an eternity of "happiness" (i guess???).
But this is the point of TFS. We're humans (yes, even the guardians). Life and death are part of our life. Those reborn in the light come back to life and die countless times, but have to deal with the passing of their mortal friends. When a guardian, a ghost dies, they go back to the traveler, where we'll find those gone before us. This is a reassuring thought.
And i think this all here is something beautiful.
END OF THE RANT: i know, it's a mess. There were so many things i wanted to say, in my head they all sounded good, but putting them "on paper" is hard. I apologize if i don't make sense but i felt the need to put these thoughts down. Maybe it's just for me, maybe i'll give others a new perspective. Anyway, i'll leave with the two sentences that in my opinion complete this whole post:
"guardians make their own fate"
"eyes up guardian"

Let me first clarify by saying that I am part of the second batch of this year's DPWAS.
I'll be straight to the point. They give out the upg of people who weren't accommodated by neither of the campuses they chose at last year's application phase; this is good because this gives them a good sense on which campus (and course) to appeal for and have the highest chance of getting in.
My question is why didn't they tell the people who were put under DPWAS theirs? It doesn't make sense why they would hold the fact that we've qualified into a campus over our heads for such a long time and give us an implied sense of security just to have it be snatched away at the last second, leaving many young students panicking about the thought of not getting into their dream university.
What about the people who didn't have a backup uni? Sure, you could say that it's still partially their own undoing, but I believe that UP does not give you enough information to go off regarding which courses (if any) you would likely get in. There's no chance for risk management here, it's just blindly hoping that some invisible number that dictates how the university sees your worth is slightly higher than an unknown amount of other people gunning for the same spots you want.
Can't they fix this by offering the rest of the students slots in courses that they know have a few voided/wasted slots by people who accepted the offer but aren't actually planning on studying here? I happen to know some people who really just didn't care because they instinctually accepted before realizing they would prefer dlsu or admu, so it really is a waste. Can't our country's #1 university do just one last check on that so us DPWAS can rest easier?

This week I went up to my brother's best friend's ranch with my brother, in hopes that I would keep his friend (lets call him Chris)'s girlfriend of 5 years(Darla) company as shes completely isolated. We were originally just supposed to stay one or two nights, get absolutely slammed and faded those nights, then go home. We ended up staying for almost a week. The first 2 nights were nice, We would do farm chores, Chris would ask me to go smoke w him at noon, my brother would get blackout drunk, Chris and I would make fun of him and record him while Darla slept, then in the morning my brother, Chris, and I woukd watch Baki until Darla woke up. On the 3rd night, Chris showed me how to ride some of the heavy equipment and feed the animals, and after having driven out to god knows where on some private road and getting drunk, we all came home and Chris and I went out to get food as we had just taken dabs 30min prior, our first time being actually fully alone. On the 4th morning, thursday morning, during our usual wake-and-bake Baki binge, I noticed Chris kept looking at me when I wasn't watchjng the screen, he was sitting much closer, and even made an almost flirty joke as I was trying to touch up my makeup. That night Darla suggested we all go out to this private abandoned lake and hang out, so we packed the truck stock full of blunts and wine and other vices and drove out. Turned out there was a pretty steep climb down to the lake from where we parked that Darla couldnt quite handle right, so I helped her the entire way down, holding her hand when she was scared, and even carrying her, but Chris only ever offered to help me. When we got to the lake Chris would offer me drinks by holding them to my mouth and letting me drink as he held the bottle/can; he would ask me first to pass a blunt or drink; he even kept showing me the cool snail shells he found. He barely talked to Darla, and she smoked for the very first time that night. When we got back up to the truck, just before the sun began to set, Chris picked me up and sat me next to him on the truck roof when Darla was upset about something in the passenger seat. You see, Chris and Darla had been fighting the entire time we had visited. Something always upset her, something always meant he didn't love her. He was so clearly stressed. On the roof of that truck, he told me all their problems. How she doesn't listen when he tries to talk, how the relationship feels stagnant, how she spends the money he doesn't have, how she doesn't reach out or talk to anyone but him, how he thinks the view is so pretty and the drinks are so good but he doesn't know what else to do. After that, we decided to head home. Mid-drive home, he pulled over and asked me to go out with him to the nearby hill to look at the sunset. I was too tipsy to walk and my outfit was too delicate and he didnt want it to ruin, so he carried me down. My brother, clearly black-out drunk at this point, didnt get the hint, so we had to keep sending him back to get us drinks that we didnt drink. Between these drinks, Chris confessed to me that he was so attracted to me and that terrified him and he cried. He told me he had been trying to make moves on me each night and felt so guilty. He told me the outfits I'd wear would drive him crazy. He told me he felt like he could confide in me. I told him I liked him back. The problem is, I also have a partner. We're LDR and have never met IRL (dated 6 months). There was seemingly always a reason for him to not come by, either he didn't want to, or was scared, or didn't have the time despite making plans to stop by prior that I consistantly offer to pay in full for. I felt like I could never bring up an issue eithout it turning into him telling me we should probably just break up because he has issues. I couldn't set boundaries, either he'd tell me I was his only support system when I'd say if I couldn't handle his venting ATM but I could later, or he'd coerce me out of sexual boundaries by pouting or repeatedly begging me. He never showed me he cared about me unless he was insecure or horny. He was always mad at me over the slightest things, too. Me apologizing, annoying. Me talking to him st the wrong time, frustrating. Me talking about my friends, jealous. Me needing him to elaborate or reword something because I genuinely couldnt understand him, too much. I didn't feel loved. I felt more like a beat dog than anything human. As we drove back for the final time, Darla and Chris had practically scream fought the entire time (I was in the bed of the truck so I couldn't hear anything of substance). When we got back home, Darla kept bringing out more drinks and even took a small dab. Chris and I stepped out for a moment to grab something from my brother's car (plus I was nauseaous from all the drinks and need air). He kissed me. I didn't expect it, but I didn't stop it. I hate it, but I loved it. So much. He hugged me and asked if I was okay. He kissed me again and we headed back inside. By then, Darla was vomitting and crying for Chris to help her and hold her hair back, but he couldn't be near her without feeling sick, so I went down to help her and he sat next me the entire time. He didn't touch her, even when she said she needed him. I just held her hair and rubbed her back and arm. She lingered downstair when she was done, and Chris and I went back upstairs to watch a movie. He kept rubbing my leg as I sat on the floor by his bench. Apparently, she always does this. She expects him to listen and fix all her problems, but drinks like a fish anytime he needs to bring up an issue and cries for him to take care of her. It was fairly evident they really only really got along when they're both passionately drunk. He was so done but he still loved her so much. They had an arguement, he confronted her about her behavior, she wouldn't listen, so he just took her to their room to hopefully discuss this when shes sober. After sitting in silence for a bit, Chris and I headed out for a walk at around 2 am. We mustve walked for at least a mile or two when we found a place to sit down and chat. He held me in his arms. He rubbed my back and pressed me close into him. We talked about what we wanted for our futures, what was so wrong about our relationships, our issues, what we found so attractive about each other, and any random bullshit. We kissed, we madeout, he cried, but we both agreed this could never be sexual. It was too pure, despite the circumstances. He told me that, if his future ever involved me, he'd want to get to know me first, platonically or not. He told me that even if we don't become anything, he wants me to break up with my bf because he doesn't think I deserve how I'm treated. He told me he doesn't know what I see in him. He asked me when last I'd been properly held. Nobody had ever looked at me like that. Nobody had ever held me like that. I don't think I've ever even had just a conversation that nice before. I hadn't been touched in almost a year. Despite our different views, we got along so well in humor, conversation, wishes for our futures, and of course physical chemistry. It was all so.. nice. It terrified me. We got back to the house at 4am, we smoked some dabs, he hugged me so tight I could feel the tears soak my shirt and his heavy breathing, he showed me old photos and videos he was embarrassed about, and we went to sleep in our respective beds. That morning yesterday he slept in twice as long as usual, he was distant and clearly tired. he wasnt avoiding me, but it wasnt the same. Not to mention, him and Darla seemed closer than ever. I basically spent my entire day avoiding his eye contact, smoking, and crying in my brother's car waiting for us to head out. I honestly don't know what else I expected. I got his number from my brother as he drove and I apologized to him for what I did to him. I apologized for taking advantage of him like that. He told me I shouldn't blame myself and I'm welcome back whenever, but he just couldn't live with himself right now. Today, I told my boyfriend everything and told him I think we should break up. I realized, admittedly partially because of Chris, that while I still love my bf so much, I just can't do this anymore. I still care about him with my entire sould, but I still have so much untreated trauma and mental issues I need to work through, and being in a relationship is just making it all worse. As soon as I told him, he pulled out every line in the book. He compared me to his mom's drinking and cheating. He told me he still sleeps with the stuffed animal I gave him months ago. He told me he can change and that he can help me with my recovery. He told me he wrote a poem for me. He told me that that's 'not the real him'. He's said I love you more than he has in the entire relationship just today. He keeps begging me to say I still love him and that everything will be okay, and I can't stand any of it anymore. I do still love him so much, and I offered to wait until my next therapy appointment in a day to officially break up, but I just want it to be over. I can't be his onky friend, I can't be his 24/7 booty call, I can't be his punching bag when he's pissed. Chris and I are probably never going to happen and he'll probably marry Darla in the end. My bf will block me and I'll end up back to where I was before. I don't know what happened, but I fucked up so bad. I don't cheat, I never drink without people, I don't do these things. I hurt so many people and I don't know how I'll live with myself. I don't know how I'll stay alive. Darla didn't deserve this, Chris didn't deserve this, and my bf didn't deserve this, yet here we are. I honestly I think i just need this all to be out of my head and into the world so I can finally start to breathe again.
I'm so sorry for the whole novel TL;DR↓
My relationship makes me feel helpless. I got drunk with my brother's friend with relationship problems, too. He kissed me 3 times and I liked it but he regrets it. I'm trying to break up with my bf but I don't know what to do with my life after this all.

Hello everyone! Hopefully my story reaches whoever needs it. I sadly struggled with BV for 9 months straight before it finally went away. It all started when I was sexually active with a guy that was no good for me. It was my first time ever having BV so I didn’t understanding what was going on with my body at the time. After ending the connection my vaginal health wouldn’t get better for the life of me. I was constantly going to the clinic getting tested, making multiple doctors appts but no matter how much antibiotics was given to me I would still have BV. The antibiotics I took were Flagyl (took this about 4 times) and Clindamycin cream (used this once) and both gave me the same effects. I always finished the meds and my downstairs area would smell like dirty water! I was miserable and super insecure. Before having any vaginal issues I was drinking a lots of water and taking my probiotics on a regular basis. In those nine months nothing was working! I spent around $200 in probiotics trying different brands and different strains to see what would work for me. I can’t say they didn’t work because I did feel and smell a difference but I still wasn’t back to normal. Finally after a long 9 months with lots of research and a good amount of money spent I am happy to say I am free of the shackles of BV. I been BV free for 4 months now. Here are some tips for anyone struggling.

1. Drink lots of water! I know it’s very cliché to say this but dehydration can intensify body odors. I recommend drinking about 40oz - 64oz a day. Stop drinking water when your pee is clear. You don’t wanna over hydrate your body and lose electrolytes.
   
2. Invest in a good probiotic and be patient. Sadly a lot of reviews online for probiotics are fake and some companies pay for good reviews. Avoid the brands that have reviews like "after one day of taking this probiotic all my problems went away." Learn from my mistake of being gullible enough to believe that. Look for probiotics with variety of strains, between 7 to 20 strains will do. CFU count can be a little tricky but I notice my body reacts will to 50 cfu. I don’t suggest 100 cfu because it could give you adverse effects and make your BV or yeast infection worst. If you need any recommendations feel free to message me.
   
3. TEA! There are lots of different teas that have amazing benefits for you vag. I researched the benefits of a lot of teas before i came across hibiscus tea. This tea has completely changed my life for the better. Funny enough I had a dream about hibiscus tea after i brought it and something told me to give it a try. Before i tell you this recipe I recommend you do your own research on this tea. If you have low blood pressure I do not recommend you drink this because it could lower it even more. Hibiscus is rich in antioxidants and assist the body in fighting infections. You could drink the tea alone but i personally didn’t feel the most benefits from doing that. What I do is brew a cup of tea for about 5 mins, add a SPLASH of Apple cider vinegar with the mother. ACV does have some antibacterial and anti fungal properties that could help with health of your gut and vaginal Microbiome and the "mother" is the cloudy particles you see within the vinegar, which is made of good bacteria. Not a shot but a splash of it, took much ACV can be harmless to your throat and teeth. To sweeten the tea I use 100% organic, honey. This is optional but if you have pure 100% pure cranberry juice not from concentrate in your home add a splash of that too. Literally a hour after drinking this I smelled significantly better and continued drinking this for 7 days straight, once a day. My ph balance was right back to normal on day 7. Now I make this for myself about 2-3 times a week. If you come to the conclusion that you can’t consume hibiscus tea a good alternative is green tea, ginger, turmeric, peppermint, licorice, and black tea.
   
4. Take a shot of Pure 100% cranberry juice not from concentrate twice a day. Yes cranberries are mainly used for UTIs, but with long-term consumption, it can help the overall pH balance of the vagina. I recommend the Lakewood Juice brand.
   
5. Ask for a different antibiotic. Please be vocal about a specific antibiotic not working for your body. A lot of doctors love to prescribe Flagyl because it’s considered the standard for BV but it doesn’t completely eliminate the problem. For any of my ladies who have been prescribed Flagyl over and over again please consider trying oral clindamycin! This is the only antibiotic that has completely cleared my BV. Please be cautious though, it can be really hard on the stomach so i do recommend you take a probiotic about an hour after the dose. For example, if you have to take two pills a day after your last pill take a probiotic a hour after. This is to prevent the loss of the healthy bacteria in your gut. YOU DON’T TO GET C DIFF. If you have IBS, Ulcerative colitis or Crohn’s disease please talk to your doctor to see if it’s a good fit for you. Tips 1-4 are for replenishing your Microbiome and maintaining your pH balance.
   

If you come to the end of this post, thank you so much for reading. I hope my story encourages you and gives you a sense of hope that you can gain control of your body again. Feel free to ask any questions or message me! F**k BV.

Tldr: I went from having a fiance and a partner of over 8 years, to alone and homeless whilst she got with a woman in what may/may not be discribed as cheating. Feel without answers and shocked by my partner's new coldness. As well as heartbroken, of course.
This is a bit of a long story, but essentially my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend and I have been together for 8 1/2 years, since I was 20. As far as I was concerned the relationship has been great. She proposed to me 2 months ago (I said yes!) and there wasn't an element of our relationship I wasn't happy with, and I haven't got the impression she felt any differently either.
For added context however, I was deeply worried about her. Shes from a tough and abusive family background, and had just fallen out with her only sister, had her childhood best friend diagnosed with alcohol induced dementia, and her work in social care was completely wiping her mentally and she was being overworked. She was stressed, snappy and making some impulsive and irrational decisions. I put that down to stress and nothing more, and tried to support in the usual ways a partner does.
A couple of weeks ago, on a Wednesday, she came home and broke into tears, telling me 'Im Gay'.
It might be naïve sounding, but I was initially happy to hear her acknowledge that. I've known since early on that she was bisexual, but she has a REALLY weird relationship to admitting to that, often admitting attraction (i.e. to some actor on the TV), then quickly denying it. She also had a strong reaction multiple times when I came to the understanding that I was non-binary (I am AMAB), one time shouting 'I want to be with a man'when I tried to explain it to her. Again, for context, I think she has a lot of internalised homophobia due to her mother getting with a woman after her partners divorce, her getting bullied at school for that, and then getting neglected and worse (by said mother). Though her lack of self-acceptance is still shocking as such a large percentage of our friendship group is queer and lesbian.
So, anyway, I supported and embraced her. However, after a few minutes, I went 'Hang on, what about me?; are you still attracted and want to be with me?' She replied with a 'Yes, of course', and I saw this as acceptance of hers (and to an extent) our queerness.
By the next day, I again asked her if I was "kidding myself" and if our relationship could work. She said I wasnt and that she loved 'only me'.
However, by the Friday, she suggested this was something she needed to explore and that she needed to cement her attraction to women. This was something which was hard to hear (we were in a monogamous relationship), but which I understood and respected. By the Saturday morning, Id agreed we should have a break and she should give herself time to figure out what she wants and explore her sexuality, and that we could agree a way for me to go away for a bit and give each space and make parameters etc arrangements on the Monday (we had a friend staying for the weekend, and she needed to leave the house so the conversation was cut short).
By Saturday night, I was still with our friend, and she was on a night out with her mates. We were meant to meet, but when we got there my ex was dismissive and cold and super out of character, and her friends were all being distant too. Turns out, and some point before or after we parted ways, she kissed a girl, and then stayed round her house (she claims nothing happened there).
Sunday day she told me she kissed a girl, and was 'definetly Gay', and I had a meltdown, four day panic attack and was shouty, wailing and was all round crazy. She initially inferred there was nothing special about the girl, but it transpired that whilst I was in the throws of a breakdown (that she did gratefully support me through and must've been hard for her) she lied about going to see a friend and actually met up with the woman. Additionally she (i found this out because i read her phone in my breakdown, which im not proud of) was sending flirtatious messages to her before the incident (including an explicitly flirty message about a groin massage with a 💦 emoji on the Saturday afternoon).
To her, I'd said we were going on a Break, but to me, we hadn't agreed parameters and made the preparations we said we should. Either way I can't help but think that this was at least emotional cheating, and that doing that less than 24hrs after we'd settled on this idea is really weird thing to do if you care about someone. What hurts more is that she'd only known the girl 4 weeks, and had been confiding in her about questioning her sexuality in advance of this. She mentioned off hand, post breakup, that her therapist had mentioned that she was 'mentioning this girl a lot' a some point in the build up to this. So I feel like I gave space for her to explore her identity in good faith and in a spirit of openness and honesty and she used this as an opportunity to get with a specific person, that she knew she already liked.
She's claimed in subsequent conversations that she 'is maybe still bi' and that she loves me still and that she enjoyed sex with me 'a lot' and 'till the end', so I'm even more confused how she's done this without considering her prior relationship (especially given she was given an open and encouraging space to explore and cement her identity). I love her, and would never want to stop her growth (including accepting whatever her sexuality is, even if that is completely lesbian). And I understand the concepts of comp-het and how she mayve taken a while to accept her lesbian or bi (but mostly into women) identity properly. However, I don't really understand how she could say those things about me and our relationship and sabotage it when we'd created space for her to explicitly find that identity. I still don't really understand why she couldn't have just talked to me, instead of doing this. If she's lying about her attraction to me, then how did she last so long in our relationship, especially when we have such an accepting queer network of friends? She has also implied she's in love with this woman though, which is difficult to hear (can that even be true? - I know this is a stereotype, but normally it doesn't involve instantly leaving someone else), but I wouldn't deny her feelings.
Her conduct since has been most horrible though. I had a period of time where I was not my best self, aggressive answer seeking and demanding 'whys' before she'd had a chance to process, but now I've calmed down, every time I ask her to acknowledge the back handedness and manipulative nature of the way she got find someone else and into a relationship instantly, she tells me 'shes already said sorry loads' and stops replying. Her previous apologies have been 'i wish I didn't hurt you' and 'I am deeply sorry for you', which don't really address her actions. She also says 'I don't know how this happened', and 'it just happened' alot, which feels like not acknowledging actions too? Most painfully, at points she's weaponised my queerness against me suggesting she didn't like how I was 'changing' (I wore a ribbed shirt and dungarees a couple of months ago and she freaked out a bit, plus I don't like my leg hair), before claiming I was 'Trans' (as in a trans-woman, Im not) and 'Gay' (as in only into men, Im not). This felt a bit like projecting. But then maybe I am being unfair to think she went about this the wrong way? Maybe it just happened so fast and I am in shell-shock?
I feel like I need acknowledgement of these actions to get to the first steps of forgiveness, and I can't bear just freezing her out after 8.5 years. But she is refusing to give me this at the moment (I do wonder if this is to protect herself and her new relationship from the realisation that she's started a new thing on the back of dishonesty).
To add to the pain, she's also already asked me to leave home and found a new housemate. So I now have no address and am sofa surfing. There are practical reasons for this, and why she should have the house (I work from home, so can work anywhere with WiFi), but it still feels cold and she doesn't seem to appreciate I am still making a huge sacrifice by allowing her to stay at our home.
So within a week, I went from having a loving happy fiance to being partner-less and homeless.
I suppose what Im seeking is whether I'm mad to think she's done this in a horrible way? And that I'm right in thinking this is much more to do with one girl in particular, ahead of any realisation of sexuality (I have no doubt she has accepted her attraction to women, and Im glad that she's been able to do that)?
Is it fair for me to ask for answers and acknowledgement, and justified in thinking I've been mistreated in this, and not just the victim of internalised homophobia and bad fortunes?
And can her words about me and our relationship (attraction, good sex, love) be true, if she's done this? And if so, why has she left me?
Obviously I understand everyone thinks and feels differently too.

This week I went up to my brother's best friend's ranch with my brother, in hopes that I would keep his friend (lets call him Chris)'s girlfriend of 5 years(Darla) company as she's completely isolated. We were originally just supposed to stay one or two nights, get absolutely slammed and faded those nights, then go home. We ended up staying for almost a week. The first 2 nights were nice, We would do farm chores, Chris would ask me to go smoke w him at noon, my brother would get blackout drunk, Chris and I would make fun of him and record him while Darla slept, then in the morning my brother, Chris, and I woukd watch Baki until Darla woke up. On the 3rd night, Chris showed me how to ride some of the heavy equipment and feed the animals, and after having driven out to god knows where on some private road and getting drunk, we all came home and Chris and I went out to get food as we had just taken dabs 30min prior, our first time being actually fully alone. On the 4th morning, thursday morning, during our usual wake-and-bake Baki binge, I noticed Chris kept looking at me when I wasn't watchjng the screen, he was sitting much closer, and even made an almost flirty joke as I was trying to touch up my makeup. That night Darla suggested we all go out to this private abandoned lake and hang out, so we packed the truck stock full of blunts and wine and other vices and drove out. Turned out there was a pretty steep climb down to the lake from where we parked that Darla couldnt quite handle right, so I helped her the entire way down, holding her hand when she was scared, and even carrying her, but Chris only ever offered to help me. When we got to the lake Chris would offer me drinks by holding them to my mouth and letting me drink as he held the bottle/can; he would ask me first to pass a blunt or drink; he even kept showing me the cool snail shells he found. He barely talked to Darla, and she smoked for the very first time that night. When we got back up to the truck, just before the sun began to set, Chris picked me up and sat me next to him on the truck roof when Darla was upset about something in the passenger seat. You see, Chris and Darla had been fighting the entire time we had visited. Something always upset her, something always meant he didn't love her. He was so clearly stressed. On the roof of that truck, he told me all their problems. How she doesn't listen when he tries to talk, how the relationship feels stagnant, how she spends the money he doesn't have, how she doesn't reach out or talk to anyone but him, how he thinks the view is so pretty and the drinks are so good but he doesn't know what else to do. After that, we decided to head home. Mid-drive home, he pulled over and asked me to go out with him to the nearby hill to look at the sunset. I was too tipsy to walk and my outfit was too delicate and he didnt want it to ruin, so he carried me down. My brother, clearly black-out drunk at this point, didnt get the hint, so we had to keep sending him back to get us drinks that we didnt drink. Between these drinks, Chris confessed to me that he was so attracted to me and that terrified him and he cried. He told me he had been trying to make moves on me each night and felt so guilty. He told me the outfits I'd wear would drive him crazy. He told me he felt like he could confide in me. I told him I liked him back. The problem is, I also have a partner. We're LDR and have never met IRL (dated 6 months). There was seemingly always a reason for him to not come by, either he didn't want to, or was scared, or didn't have the time despite making plans to stop by prior that I consistantly offer to pay in full for. I felt like I could never bring up an issue eithout it turning into him telling me we should probably just break up because he has issues. I couldn't set boundaries, either he'd tell me I was his only support system when I'd say if I couldn't handle his venting ATM but I could later, or he'd coerce me out of sexual boundaries by pouting or repeatedly begging me. He never showed me he cared about me unless he was insecure or horny. He was always mad at me over the slightest things, too. Me apologizing, annoying. Me talking to him st the wrong time, frustrating. Me talking about my friends, jealous. Me needing him to elaborate or reword something because I genuinely couldnt understand him, too much. I didn't feel loved. I felt more like a beat dog than anything human. As we drove back for the final time, Darla and Chris practically scream fought the entire time (I was in the bed of the truck so I couldn't hear anything of substance). When we got back home, Darla kept bringing out more drinks and even took a small dab. Chris and I stepped out for a moment to grab something from my brother's car (plus I was nauseaous from all the drinks and need air). He kissed me. I didn't expect it, but I didn't stop it. I hate it, but I loved it. So much. He hugged me and asked if I was okay. He kissed me again and we headed back inside. By then, Darla was vomitting and crying for Chris to help her and hold her hair back, but he couldn't be near her without feeling sick, so I went down to help her and he sat next me the entire time. He didn't touch her, even when she said she needed him. I just held her hair and rubbed her back and arm. She lingered downstair when she was done, and Chris and I went back upstairs to watch a movie. He kept rubbing my leg as I sat on the floor by his bench. Apparently, she always does this. She expects him to listen and fix all her problems, but drinks like a fish anytime he needs to bring up an issue and cries for him to take care of her. It was fairly evident they really only really got along when they're both passionately drunk. He was so done but he still loved her so much. They had an arguement, he confronted her about her behavior, she wouldn't listen, so he just took her to their room to hopefully discuss this when shes sober. After sitting in silence for a bit, Chris and I headed out for a walk at around 2 am. We mustve walked for at least a mile or two when we found a place to sit down and chat. He held me in his arms. He rubbed my back and pressed me close into him. We talked about what we wanted for our futures, what was so wrong about our relationships, our issues, what we found so attractive about each other, and any random bullshit. We kissed, we madeout, he cried, but we both agreed this could never be sexual. It was too pure, despite the circumstances. He told me that, if his future ever involved me, he'd want to get to know me first, platonically or not. He told me that even if we don't become anything, he wants me to break up with my bf because he doesn't think I deserve how I'm treated. He told me he doesn't know what I see in him. He asked me when last I'd been properly held. Nobody had ever looked at me like that. Nobody had ever held me like that. I don't think I've ever even had just a conversation that nice before. I hadn't been touched in almost a year. Despite our different views, we got along so well in humor, conversation, wishes for our futures, and of course physical chemistry. It was all so.. nice. It terrified me. We got back to the house at 4am, we smoked some dabs, he hugged me so tight I could feel the tears soak my shirt and his heavy breathing, he showed me old photos and videos he was embarrassed about, and we went to sleep in our respective beds. That morning yesterday he slept in twice as long as usual, he was distant and clearly tired. he wasnt avoiding me, but it wasnt the same. Not to mention, him and Darla seemed closer than ever. I basically spent my entire day avoiding his eye contact, smoking, and crying in my brother's car waiting for us to head out. I honestly don't know what else I expected. I got his number from my brother as he drove and I apologized to him for what I did to him. I apologized for taking advantage of him like that. He told me I shouldn't blame myself and I'm welcome back whenever, but he just couldn't live with himself right now. Today, I told my boyfriend everything and told him I think we should break up. I realized, admittedly partially because of Chris, that while I still love my bf so much, I just can't do this anymore. I still care about him with my entire sould, but I still have so much untreated trauma and mental issues I need to work through, and being in a relationship is just making it all worse. As soon as I told him, he pulled out every line in the book. He compared me to his mom's drinking and cheating. He told me he still sleeps with the stuffed animal I gave him months ago. He told me he can change and that he can help me with my recovery. He told me he wrote a poem for me. He told me that that's 'not the real him'. He's said I love you more than he has in the entire relationship just today. He keeps begging me to say I still love him and that everything will be okay, and I can't stand any of it anymore. I do still love him so much, and I offered to wait until my next therapy appointment in a day to officially break up, but I just want it to be over. I can't be his onky friend, I can't be his 24/7 booty call, I can't be his punching bag when he's pissed. Chris and I are probably never going to happen and he'll probably marry Darla in the end. My bf will block me and I'll end up back to where I was before. I don't know what happened, but I fucked up so bad. I don't cheat, I never drink without people, I don't do these things. I hurt so many people and I don't know how I'll live with myself. Darla didn't deserve this, Chris didn't deserve this, and my bf didn't deserve this, yet here we are. I honestly think i just need this all to be out of my head and into the world so I can finally start to breathe again.
I'm so sorry for the whole novel TL;DR↓
My relationship makes me feel helpless. I got drunk with my brother's friend with relationship problems, too. He kissed me 3 times and I liked it but he regrets it. I'm trying to break up with my bf but I don't know what to do with my life after this all.

I've had a (abusive) boyfriend for about 5 years (I am 20 now). He was my first everything, First kiss, first sexual experience, first relationship.
He had at least two other relationships while we were together, kissed my (drunk) best friend and sexually harassed her, me and other girls (really long story but important for my way of thinking)
I've realized that I am into girls last year and broke up (thank god). But I feel so disgusting that he is the only person I've ever kissed. I feel like he doesn't deserve that (idk how to explain)
I would really love to be one of those people who go out clubbing and kiss strangers. Not even sleep with them, just making out.
But I've never kissed a girl before and I don't want to waste my first (real) kiss if that makes sense... I always thought that he will be the only guy I've ever kissed, that we will get married, etc. and now I am so confused.
I don't want this stuff to be that important to me. Unfortunately, I was raised like that. My parents taught me that the world is about men and that you shouldn't have sex until you are married, bla bla (even though they don't live like that and I know that it's wrong but it's still deep inside me).
I am in therapy and trying to heal. But does anyone have an advice on how to take this significance of the first kiss?
TL;DR: Was in a abusive relationship with a guy, would love to kiss a girl and live my single life while I also want my first kiss to be something special. Help >.<

So I started an A-Z playthrough of OWB and now I'm stuck.
215th - 8/10, was fun, though it felt a little repetitive of just "conquer a new country, core land, get a new war goal, rinse and repeat," I thoroughly enjoyed the lore and the caps-related requirements in forming the Splendid Raider's Society. Doing the film decisions, building up trade nodes, and raiding for caps was genuinely fun and earning 4000 caps was a unique objective. There were enough focuses and wars to keep me occupied while working toward this goal without there being too many... Completed by January 1, 2282.
Arborg Junta - 10/10, this was honestly peak gameplay in my opinion. You start out so weak and dealing with so many problems. You have no manpower and no guns or factories, isolated from your only ally and bordered by a much more powerful nation that will kill you. That +90% Infantry Equipment production cost was painful, but the +20% Equipment Capture made it unique. The legitimacy system was fun to interact with also, and I adored the 2 decisions that cost command power- The merc jobs/contracts were a fun piece of flavor to interact with, and the border conflicts were also really fun. I ended up doing 3 playthroughs, in the first I stayed loyal to the Duke and ended up becoming free through the autonomy system. In the second I stayed loyal to the King and discovered you cannot become free through the autonomy system ._. In the third I supported neither side during the civil war and declared independence, conquering the entire kingdom and their Republican enemies in a very challenging war. My only complaint is the lack of extra focuses to complete in the end game, running out of focuses on 2279 kinda sucks. You can't exactly rush down your focus tree either, going after the Damned or border conflicts too quickly will assure your defeat.
Archdiocese of Santa Fe - 6/10. Fun. But not much unique content outside of the national spirits. I have up Santa Fe and held the line against Lanius, killing thousands of his men very easily. Over the course of a few years I built up strength, and when he stopped attacking I drilled my armies to bait him into attacking more and weakening himself further. Eventually he was so weak that in 2279 I melted through his divisions with basic (but not starting) infantry templates. I considered killing the rest of the legion after but decided my goals were accomplished- If didn't feel in-character for the Archdiocese to march to Flagstaff. If anything I'd have just conquered the rest of New Mexico, but there's no formable or unique content so...
Arroyo - 7/10. Quite fun, though I was annoyed that I couldn't complete all the focuses in the tree, and also ran out of focuses early on. The karma system is cool but I think it should be implemented a little better or at least explained more. I don't like getting locked out of vital focuses because I don't know about certain events or details, karma gets entrenched later on... Though by my third playthrough I knew enough of Arroyo that I was able to take all the karma related focuses, albeit not all focuses I wanted because I wanted to have the chosen one as my leader in that attempt. The expansion system is also really cool, though I wish some of Arroyo's expansion targets would be more playable/viable. I did three playthroughs, a neutral one where I didn't do much, a good one where I joined the NCR and took down the Legion, and an evil one where I invaded the NCR as the Chosen One and took over all of California, Nevada and Oregon (as the Mirelurk Tribe conquered the area and invaded me). Took until 2284/5 in the last two, but it was worth it.
...
And next is Assassin City, in stark contrast to my other playthroughs, extremely painful so far and not fun at all for many reasons. The unique skater divisions, rocket skater tech, and unique spirit of the academy that comes with it are cool, but everything else... Ugh...
I've tried over and over all day to no avail for a total of 14 or so attempts. I died so many times I encountered the infamous"game lags unless you restart your PC" issue. The latest I was able to survive was January 18, 2276.
In May, the Brotherhood begins the focus that gives a war goal against you. In June, you get the event where you can either join their alliance (which leads to you getting automatically annexed and a guaranteed game over later (you can't leave the alliance)) or they declare war on you.
There is one strait crossing to the south and four tiles on the border, not defensive at all especially with three civs and only a few months to spend building outposts. No hills or mountains or any advantageous terrain, you have a national spirit that gives you a pretty rough defense penalty, the generic focus tree is not very useful and you likely won't survive long enough to actually pick up any impactful bonuses, partially because each focus takes 60 days and partially because they are so far down the tree- I find myself choosing between either taking the leftmost branch to access +2% -> +3% Recruitable Population or the second from the leftmost branch for caps to buy equipment and the +20% Division Organization, I can't take both in time unfortunately and am always either short on manpower or short on guns. I'm already being attacked before I can even finish researching my first land doctrine trait.
I've tried all sorts of strategies, spamming defensive militia, only using regular infantry, using different advisors, falling back all the way to the capital, holding the border, tried both bunkers and outposts and a combination of the two and alternated which tiles I built them in. Ultimately none of it seems to matter because I'm so far out-teched that I'll always lose every battle. I defensive micro my heart out but I lose manpower about five times as fast as them, and I'm bleeding equipment too, eventually their nonstop attack becomes untenable to hold and I collapse as all my divisions last stand to 0% strength in a last ditch effort to try and survive a couple more days.
Needless to say, I need help. How the heck am I supposed to actually survive survive? Is there a way to go down the alliance with the brotherhood without getting auto annexed and auto game over'd? Does Skater Infantry count under Walking Infantry or Mobile (for bonuses and land doctrine related stuff)
Any other tips or information would also be appreciated.

I have a younger autistic brother who I absolutely FUCKING HATE he always gets on my last nerve! I’m 99% sure my parents don’t now how to handle a special needs child he is whining and screaming as I am writing this. Recently my grandparents and my aunt came to live with my family due to war in my hometow. Honestly I didn’t mind this much I mean I did get a little less privacy but other than that it was fine,. We did have to move into to a bigger house in a new neighborhood but I was actually really excited because I had a friend living in my new neighborhood and I had some rivalry with the kids in my other neighborhood which is a story for another time… anyway things were going good I was hanging out with my friend and things were going good until my uncle moved then I was a little annoyed because he had stayed at our house before and I didn’t like him very much but I decided to give him a second chance at first he was being nice and he was actually kinda funny but then he started becoming really controlling almost like that “alpha male” term they use idk. Anyway my other brother who used to also hate my autistic brother are now star to get along which idk I still feel kinda petty about because it becomes kinds awkward after hating him for so long. Back to my uncle, my mom just left to go to the mall to get a couple things because we are traveling soon for summer break my autistic brother started hitting and kicking my sister who is only a toddler I told my brother to stop and he started screaming and kept doing it then my uncle came in and told me it was none of my business like first of all IM THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN HERE FOR HIS WHOLE LIFE SINCE WHEN WAS THIS “NOT MY BUSINESS” LIKE HE‘S THE ONE WHO JUST GOT HERE AND MIND YOU MY UNCLE IS 19 AND HE GRADUATED AT 17 LIKE GO TO COLLEGE ALREADY AND BY THE WAY HE HAS BEEN STAYING AT MY OTHER RELATIVES HOUSES AND IV’E SEEN WHAT HE DOES HE NEVER LOOKS OR TEIES TO DO ANYTHING TO GO OR TO ATLEAST PREP FOR COLLAGE anyway I tell him I know how to handle this then he proceeds to yell at me to back off and tells to my brother NAD I QUOTE “please don’t hit (sisters name)” LIKE I ALREADY SAID THAT AND HE STILL KEPT HITTING MY SISTER AND AFTER THAT HE DID NOTHING I managed to get my sister into my room and away from my brother the my “uncle” comes back into MY ROOM and threatens to beat my sister and when is tell him to leave guess what he said just take a guess like turn you head away from the screen and make a guess…. HE TOLD ME IT WAS NONE OF MY BUSINESS LIKE FUCK YOU YOUR IN MY ROOM IF ANYTHING ITS NONE OF YOU FUCKING BUSINESS after than I absolutely broke down and I left the room and waited for him to leave and I yelled that I hated him. Honestly I’m glad I can get a break from him this summer! If you read this whole rant I really appreciate it and I just wanted too get this off my chest

I slept quite well I think so that’s good. I’ve been waking up during the night less and less lately! So that’s definitely good. I mean when I do it’s fine because nine times out of ten I fall back asleep within minutes, it’s just something I didn’t have to deal with before but I’m getting older and that happens so I guess it’s just that.
This period can go f itself if you ask me. First it arrives ever so tardily and now it’s playing games on me. Yesterday aka day one it was suspiciously light but this morning? HA. I had to do the roll out of bed and make a mad dash for the shower before gravity became my nemesis. Being a girl is so fun isn’t it. But also gravity also has my back because my sheets are spotless (touch wood). Anyway and now my cramps are also back. BOOOOO. But at least I get to have morning and evening showers this time of the month which will always feel like a little special treat. I just love showers a lot, and I love feeling extra fresh and clean.
This morning I’ve done nothing. I had a shower, got changed into fresh PJs and got back into bed. My cramps hurt too much to do much else and I feel exhausted. I should make sure to take some iron supplements, I can be so bad with them and for someone who has had issues with anaemia and things it’s not very good of me. But it’s just my iron levels at last tested we’re finally showing in the normal range, admittedly the very low end, but normal nonetheless and that was when I was focusing on diet only! So all the legumes, tofu, spinach and leafy greens and nuts and stuff paid off. I mean that’s kind of my diet - aside from also sugar and diet coke and caffeine and bread and pasta etc because I’m just a human - but anyway I mean to say when I focus on nutrition it seems I can get by without the iron supplements, it’s just I have to actively be mindful of it otherwise I slip back down. I don’t know why I’m so bad at taking vitamins, like I take medication twice a day for my head so it’s not like I don’t have a pill time - except I’m getting worse with my medication and keep forgetting so I take it at slightly different times each morning and night but my GP said it’s fine as long as there’s the eight hours gap between - but anyway. Oh fuck me these cramps hurt. Anyway. But iron, b vitamins and the omegas I should take daily. And probably magnesium to be a good girl. And maybe zinc. And a probiotic. I don’t think I need a prebiotic given the foods I eat though.
Today I felt so old and like my life is over and I’ve wasted it being sad and anxy and I won’t ever have a life that I want so what’s even the point but then I remembered that Carrie was 32 in SEASON ONE and she had a whole life so that made me feel better.
I think reading has messed me up because I’m reading this book and it’s describing Tom R and here I am thinking well maybe I can fix him a little bit and Jesus f’ing christ. He’s not even morally grey he’s BAD… but so handsome. And evil characters are always so much more interesting let’s be real. And infinitely hotter. I really need to step away from fantasy romance STAT. (Nevermind he now has red eyes and I can fancy fictional men with wings or fangs but they always have lovely eyes to compensate sooooo…)
Sometimes I realise my self worth is so low in little ways, I mean I know it is but sometimes it just hits me as a small reminder. For example in the book Lupin was clearly worried and mildly agitated that Tonks hadn’t yet arrived back and my thought was well at least I’m not worth worrying about so at least if Andy and I lived in this world he wouldn’t worry so that would make me the perfect person to do dangerous or risky things etc. I don’t even believe someone would worry about me in a dangerous situation. I mean I know my parents love me, but I still feel like it’s out of obligation a lot of the time. And if I died, no one would really care that much. My parents would for a bit but again, obligation. I’m torn at how they would be though. My brother and his family… I don’t think it would affect them much at all. Andy? Well I think in some regard it would be quite freeing for him more than anything. He says he doesn’t want to let this go, that he won’t be satisfied til we give this a proper go? Well if I’m dead then there’s no option, and he can happily and freely move on. Friends? No one that would care, maybe feel a bit sad FOR me upon hearing the news but it wouldn’t affect them in any real way. Work? Ha. Puppy? Probably wouldn’t even notice. I can’t decide how I feel about all of that. On the one hand it drives me to make stronger relationships and all of that, on the other it’s kind of freeing in its own way. So many people don’t end things because they know it would be too hard on their family or whoever else, that’s not really an issue for me is it? I’m of course not doing anything like that, even if I do sometimes daydream about it, but still. Anyway shush.
I still feel so ashamed of myself. I feel like I have absolutely nothing to show for my life. It’s basically evidence that I’m a waste of space, no?
I still have cramps, nowhere near as bad as yesterday though. I hate this time of the month, I feel perpetually YUCK.
Well I tried to avoid a conversation and in doing so forced one sooo… 10 points for me. Idiot. Why can I not make good decisions? If I take time to think about it I usually can but other times I make rash decisions that are NOT GOOD. I don’t have time to write everything out, I wrote notes about the call though because I didn’t want to forget it but so I’ll write about it tomorrow. I feel riddled with guilt though. He does not deserve this, he deserves so much better. And because I refuse to let him go I have to BE and DO better so GET A GODDAMN GRIP YOU STUBBORN COW.
I still have cramps, still still still.
Did I say I finished the book? Idk. I did. I cried my little heart out.
Okay time to go bye

My name is Rory Fars, and my little sister, Lily Fars, is the last family I had left.
A heavy sense of dread settled over me like a suffocating blanket as I sat in the worn leather seat of Lily's old jeep. The car, a relic of our happier days, seemed to groan under our shared sorrow. Beside me, Lily, my best friend, and confidante, absentmindedly twirled a strand of her long, dark hair, which swayed gently in rhythm with the haunting melodies from the oldies station on the radio. This car had seen us through countless joyful journeys when our family was whole. Almost three years had passed since that fateful Christmas trip in Texas when our parents were tragically killed in a horrific multi-car pileup. The memory of their loss was a constant ache, a wound that never fully healed.
My dad was from Amarillo, Texas, so my parents often took trips down there, visiting the places that held so many memories for him. During one of these trips, just before Christmas, a sudden blizzard struck while they were on the freeway. The snow fell in blinding sheets, making the world outside a disorienting white blur. As they tried to slowly pull to the side, their vision obscured by the relentless storm, they never saw the car barreling toward them at least forty miles an hour. The impact was devastating, an abrupt and brutal end to their journey and, in many ways, to our lives as we had known them.
My parents were always sticklers for safety, insisting on seatbelts every time we got in the car. So, of course, they had theirs on during that fateful trip. The initial impact wasn't what killed them, the coroner explained to me. Not even the first hit from behind, which was going at least fifty miles an hour, was fatal. I had to practically shake the information out of him—they were so resistant to tell me anything at first. By the time the third car hit, with an unknown speed, their survival was already in jeopardy. The coroner said that by the fifth car, they were likely dead. But it didn't end there. Another twenty-three vehicles slammed into the back of the pile, each collision further crushing their bodies, reducing them to a horrific, unrecognizable state. Each jarring impact pushed my parents deeper into a gruesome amalgamation of twisted metal and shattered lives.
I don't know why I felt compelled to demand those details at the time, but I deeply regret it now. I wish I had never asked. Almost every night, unless I drink myself into oblivion, I am haunted by nightmares of what they endured. I dream of driving up to save them, only to be caught in the same deadly barrage of cars, ending in a twisted metal tomb for all of us.
Lily is never in those dreams. Even in my most horrific imaginings, I can't envision her being hurt. Lily is my little sister, younger by eight years and three months. Whenever I mention our age difference, I see the judgment in people's eyes, but what can I say? Our parents never stopped loving each other. They had Lily late in life; she became our shared joy, our living reminder of the love that had bound our family together.
Lily wasn't my twin in the literal sense, but ever since she was born, it felt like we shared the inexplicable connection that twins often describe. As she grew up, our bond only deepened—we acted, sounded, and even looked remarkably alike. She became my rock, especially after our parents' tragic deaths. We leaned on each other, cried into each other's shoulders, and somehow found the strength to move forward. We eventually moved in together, finding solace in a two-bedroom apartment that became our sanctuary.
Lily seemed to handle our parents' deaths better than I did, or maybe she was just better at distracting herself with technology. Even before their passing, Lily was addicted to any kind of digital screen she could manipulate. Her ability to navigate the digital world was unmatched; she was the most intelligent person I had ever met. Her intelligence was a beacon of light in the darkness that had enveloped us, a testament to her resilience and brilliance.
After my parents' death, I embarked on a quest to find my spirituality by delving into paranormal investigations. I hoped these pursuits would bring me closer to my parents in the afterlife, spiritual realm, or whatever you want to call it. Instead, it created a chasm between me and any sense of spiritual existence. Each investigation seemed to push me further from the answers I sought, leaving me feeling more isolated and disconnected than ever.
I had hoped that by exploring these paranormal claims, I would discover a way to reach out to my parents and feel their presence again. Yet, as the years have passed, this endeavor has only deepened my loneliness and sense of loss. Despite knowing how detrimental it is to my mental health, I can't bring myself to stop. The hope that the subsequent investigation will be the one that proves the existence of an afterlife and that I'll find a way to contact my parents keeps me going. It's a desperate, unrelenting pursuit for a connection that remains heartbreakingly out of reach.
I should have accepted their death and moved on like any sane person would. Instead, I let my grief fester and dragged my sister and a stranger, Mark, through my obsessive quest for answers. My relentless pursuit of the paranormal didn't just alienate me; it consumed us all, leading to their untimely deaths. My name is Rory Fars, and I am here to confess my side of the story about the missing case of Lily Fars and Mark Lawrence.
This is the truth about how my desperate search for a connection with the afterlife led to a nightmare from which none of us could escape.
To start off, no, Lily was not a student of Mark's who fell in love with him and then got jealous of me hitting on him, leading her to kill him and herself. I know that sounds ridiculous, but given some wild theories circulating online, I need to address this one specifically since it seems to be the most popular.
First and foremost, Mark Lawrence was not, nor has he ever been, a professor at a university. Lily and I met Mark at the Local Museum in Redlin, a town nestled deep in the Appalachian Mountains. He was the curator of an exhibit showcasing the history of Raven's Nest, a forgotten mining town that neither Lily nor I had ever heard of. This is where our story begins, in a place steeped in history and mystery, far removed from the convoluted theories that now cloud the truth.
We were constantly searching for new ideas for our podcast about paranormal claims. Each of our twenty-five episodes so far had concluded with a rational explanation, so when Mark told us about the curse of Harper, I was immediately intrigued.
Mark was an older man, likely in his mid-sixties, with a full head of silver hair and a beard that stubbornly clung to its youthful color, only lightly dusted with grey. He had a presence that commanded attention, and his stories about the curse were delivered with an intensity that drew me in.
On the other hand, Lily was always more interested in the technical aspects of the paranormal. She had her own theories and was determined to debunk every claim we investigated. She wasn't easily swayed by Mark's tales about the curse of Harper, but she was willing to listen and give him a chance to prove himself. Her skeptical mind constantly checked my enthusiasm, and together, we hoped to uncover the truth behind yet another paranormal mystery.
"Hello ladies, care to hear about the mysterious town of Raven's Nest?" Mark asked with theatrical enthusiasm.
Lily and I exchanged a knowing glance, trying to stifle our amusement. Despite our attempts to remain composed, a smirk played at the corners of our lips.
"We're all ears," I replied, my tone laced with a hint of sarcasm.
He sighed, almost as if he was disappointed that we said yes. Taking a deep breath, he seemed to steel himself for the task ahead. "Well, you see," he began, his voice tinged with uncertainty, "in the early twentieth century, a man named Harper Franstein exploited many men and children in the coal mines. By the mid-1920s, he had established his own settlement in a secluded valley, which he dubbed 'The Raven's Nest.' It was never officially recognized as a town, but that's the only name we have to go off of."
I could see the beads of sweat forming on Mark's brow as he struggled to recall every detail. Despite his initial enthusiasm, he now appeared flustered, his confidence waning. Eventually, he resorted to consulting his damp and crumpled notes, a sign of his growing unease.
"Um, anyway, yeah, um," he stuttered, audibly gulping as his nerves got the better of him. Lily couldn't contain her laughter, emitting a snicker that earned us a glare from Mark.
"Hey, just relax," I interjected, trying to diffuse the tension. "We're not here to judge or intimidate you." With a gentle touch on his forearm and a chuckle, I attempted to reassure him, hoping to ease his obvious discomfort.
He paused, sharing a chuckle with me, while Lily struggled to suppress her laughter and eventually excused herself, leaving just Mark and me. Evidently, he felt more at ease with fewer listeners, so he pressed on with his narrative.
"Anyway," he resumed, "Harper held complete control over the town and the mine, and he made sure everyone was acutely aware of that fact. When the disappearances began, he tried to sweep them under the rug, attributing them to anything but his own negligence in mining practices."
"What do you mean by 'negligence in mining practices'?" I interjected, eager to delve deeper into his intriguing tale.
He looked up, clearly pleased by my question. "Yes, exactly," he affirmed. "Harper adhered to a mining technique outlined by Dwight Brunst in the mid to late nineteenth century. This method mandated only one entry and exit point into the mine."
"Wait, so they were forbidden from creating additional exits?" I pressed for clarification.
"Not explicitly," he explained. "The practice advocated for just one entry and exit as it was believed to minimize the risk of cave-ins, at least in theory. However, there were instances where miners, feeling uneasy about this restriction, took matters into their own hands and carved out what they called 'Emergency Exits' for themselves. After about half of the town started going missing, Harper couldn't take criticism about how he responded, but most people say he was losing money quickly and didn't want to live in a world where he was poor. He walked into the mine, never to be seen again, much like the cave's past victims. Visitors report seeing and hearing Harper, trying to get them to leave."
As I stood there, listening to Mark's enthralling narrative, I found myself captivated by the mysterious allure of Raven's Nest. Unable to contain my curiosity, I decided to pose a question.
"So, what does the town look like now?" I inquired, eager to learn more about the present state of this enigmatic place.
Mark's demeanor shifted slightly as he rifled through his notes, a subtle indication that he didn't have a straightforward answer to my query.
"You've never been there?" I asked, my tone softening with genuine curiosity.
He flinched as though my question had struck a nerve. "Shhhhhh... shut up," he demanded, his voice tinged with unease.
Suppressing a chuckle, I leaned in closer and whispered, "Okay, hear me out. My sister Lily and I are investigating paranormal phenomena. Your story about Raven's Nest sounds like the perfect addition to our podcast. What do you say we compensate you for your guidance? Let's say, three hundred bucks?"
He straightened up, contemplating my proposition for a few moments. Without uttering a word, he extended his hand, and I met it halfway with my own, sealing our agreement with a firm handshake.
Our journey to Raven's Nest was no easy feat. Situated a good twenty miles from town and nestled deep within a dense valley. After all of the tight turns, narrow dirt roads, and steep inclines, it took us a grueling two and a half hours to go twenty-something miles, but we finally reached the outskirts of the infamous settlement. As we stood at the edge of the "Nest," anticipation mingled with trepidation, setting the stage for the eerie exploration that lay ahead.
I glanced at my phone; the time read 11:56 pm, signaling the late hour. Sensing the exhaustion weighing heavily, I suggested we catch a few hours of rest in Lily's jeep. Mark, though visibly unsettled, remained silent from the back seat, his arms folded tightly across his chest as he slumped against the window like a sulking child.
Drifting asleep in the passenger seat, I soon found myself ensnared in a nightmare. In my dream, Mark was being dragged away into the darkness, his desperate attempts to claw his way back to safety only resulting in broken fingertips. Despite his struggles, he was powerless against the unseen force pulling him inexorably into the abyss. Suddenly, I was alone, engulfed in utter darkness, my heart pounding with fear as I ran blindly from an unseen terror that seemed to pursue me relentlessly, its malevolent presence palpable but unseen.
I jolted awake, gasping for breath, my heart racing as the remnants of dread lingered in the pit of my stomach. It was morning, and I was struggling to adjust my vision. Lily's frantic but comforting voice broke through the haze of my terror, grounding me in reality. With her comforting embrace, I gradually calmed my racing thoughts, drawing deep, steadying breaths.
As we sat there, enveloped in each other's embrace, Mark approached the driver's side window with an unexpected question, "Alright, what's for breakfast?" His nonchalant tone and casual demeanor were a stark contrast to the harrowing nightmare that had just consumed my thoughts, momentarily dispelling the lingering specter of fear that had haunted my dreams.
Lily and I both look up at him and back at each other as we burst out into laughter.
Amidst our shared laughter, Lily and I exchanged amused glances before turning our attention back to Mark.
"Ha...ha, yeah. No, but seriously, what's for breakfast? Eggs, bacon, toast, at least?" Mark pressed, hoping for a more substantial response.
His earnest inquiry fueled our laughter further, our giggles echoing through the quiet night air. Eventually, we regained our composure and stepped out of the jeep, stretching our limbs after the cramped confines of the vehicle.
Mark awkwardly moves to the side, still waiting for an honest answer. Lily tossed him a granola bar, eliciting a bemused chuckle from him. With a shared understanding, we set off on foot, embarking on the hike into the town.
The path ahead was clear: a single dirt road that wound its way from the abandoned coal mine into the heart of the small settlement. The road, now overgrown and muddy from years of disuse, bore the marks of neglect and isolation. Wary of the treacherous conditions, Lily opted to forgo the risk of getting stuck, steering clear of the decrepit road that likely hadn't seen a traveler in at least half a century.
We parked Lily's jeep at the entrance to both the mine and the town of Raven's Nest, opting to proceed on foot from there. Standing at the mountain's peak, gazing down at the desolate town below, I couldn't help but ponder the history beneath the dilapidated structures. I imagined how this valley must have once been a pristine landscape cherished by the indigenous people who roamed its lush terrain.
"Jesus, this place is more like a shit nest," Mark muttered in disgust, his disdain evident in his tone.
Lily shot me a knowing glance, silently communicating her skepticism toward Mark's assessment of the town.
Deciding to put Mark's knowledge to the test, I casually inquired, "So, what year was this area founded?"
Mark's reaction was almost defensive as if my question had caught him off guard. He hesitated momentarily before fumbling for his note cards in his pocket, a telltale sign that he wasn't as knowledgeable as he let on.
Before he could respond, I interjected with another question, "Mark, how long have you worked at the museum?"
As Mark froze, his gaze locking onto mine like a deer caught in headlights, I watched him closely, waiting for any sign of hesitation or discomfort. My narrowed eyes bore into his, silently urging him to be honest.
Finally, breaking the tense silence, Mark confessed, "Look, this is only my first week. I... I haven't had the greatest time lately, and I really need the extra money. I'm sorry I lied, but I'll help however I can."
I met his gaze unwaveringly, sensing the sincerity in his words. Clearly, he was a man in need of redemption, grappling with his own personal struggles.
"Alright, alright, don't cry too much," I teased lightly, trying to ease the tension. Gesturing towards Lily, who was busy preparing her wireless motion cameras in her backpack, I continued, "Lily and I already figured that was the case. Honestly, we're surprised you agreed to come along."
Mark remained frozen, but the tension seemed to melt away from his expression, replaced by a tentative smile. It was a moment of shared understanding, a silent acknowledgment that he was still welcomed into our expedition despite his initial deception.
"Alright, I have the cams and portable batteries to make sure the cameras and anything we have with power can last," Lily said, her voice brimming with determination.
We began our descent into the town, our hiking boots struggling against the thick, clinging mud produced by the constant light rain and years of disuse. Each step was a battle, the mud threatening to swallow our boots with every move.
After an eternity of trudging through the muck, we finally reached the town's only paved road—the main road. It had taken us only about fifteen minutes to hike down, but navigating the muddy slope had sapped our energy. We paused for a break, taking a few minutes to clean off our boots and catch our breath.
As we rested, I noticed Lily rummaging through her bag with a focused intensity. Curious, I asked, "What are you looking for?"
"I brought five motion-detecting cameras that I want to set up strategically throughout the town," she replied, pulling out one of the cameras. She walked over to the nearest building, a structure that served as a post office, police station, and fire station. She positioned the camera outside the building so it was pointed at the only road leading in and out of the town.
"We need to cover all potential points of interest," she explained, securing the camera in place. "This one will monitor any activity on the main road. We should place the other cameras around key locations like the mine entrance, the town square, and some more intact buildings."
I nodded, appreciating her thoroughness. "Good idea. We need to make sure we capture anything unusual."
Mark, having finally caught his breath, joined us. "Alright, let's get these cameras set up and see what we can find," he said, a hint of excitement in his voice.
"Look," Lily said, turning her tablet screen toward us. She waved her hand in front of the camera she had just placed. The tablet displayed five squares on the interface, each meant to show a feed from one of the cameras. Since Lily had only set up one camera so far, only the bottom right square showed any footage pointed at the road leading out of town. She stopped waving her hand, and the feed went to a blue screen.
"What happened? Did we lose connection?" Mark asked frantically, his eyes wide with concern.
Lily cackled, struggling to contain her amusement. Composing herself, she waved her hand in front of the camera again, and the bottom right square showed her hand waving once more. "It's motion-activated. It's the best way to save on battery life," she explained.
Mark seemed to relax, though he was still catching his breath after the brief panic.
I glanced at my watch, noting the time. "It's 8:30. We're behind schedule. If you want to place the rest of your cameras, we better move now," I said, walking down the street.
Lily immediately got up and followed me, with Mark struggling to keep pace behind us. We reached the market building, and Lily positioned her second camera on the side of the road, pointing up at the market.
It's not much longer before we make it to the Town Hall. I suggest Lily place a camera nearby. She nods and heads into a building across from the Town Hall labeled, "Slaughterhouse: LOCAL ANIMALS ONLY."
As Lily explores the building to find an adequate spot for the camera, I wait for Mark to catch up. While I wait, I can't help but imagine this town in its prime, picturing the streets filled with families who loved each other.
My thoughts are abruptly cut off by a sound echoing in the distance—a roar unlike any I've ever heard. It was a mix of a human screaming in pain, the roar of a lion, and, near the end, the howl of a wolf. The chilling sound sent shivers down my spine.
I jump to my feet and immediately call out, "Lily, you okay?"
There's no response from Lily, but I'm interrupted by Mark finally catching up, panting heavily.
"Holy... shit... did you... hear that?" Mark said frantically between breaths.
"Yeah, we have to find Lily," I say, bolting into the slaughterhouse. I glance back to see Mark bracing himself on the steps of the Town Hall, struggling to keep up.
As I enter the building, the stench of rotting flesh hits me like a wave, causing me to gag. The smell is too fresh to be decades old.
"Lily? Lily, where are you?" I yell, using my shirt to shield my nose from the overwhelming odor.
"Rory, I'm in here!" I hear Lily yell from a room two doors down. I pass the first door, peeking in to ensure I hadn't misheard, but I wish I hadn't looked.
Inside the first room, I catch a glimpse of what appears to be a pile of animal carcasses, their decayed bodies arranged in a grotesque display. The sight is horrifying, the flesh still disturbingly fresh. The bile rises in my throat, but I force myself to focus on finding Lily.
I rush to the room where her voice came from, pushing the door open. Lily is there, setting up the camera, seemingly oblivious to the horror in the adjacent room. Relief floods through me as I see she's safe.
"Lily, did you hear that roar?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.
"Yeah, I heard it," she replies, her eyes wide with concern. "I was just finishing up here. Let's get back to Mark and figure out what that was." She had placed the camera in a window, pointing directly at the Town Hall.
We hurry back outside, where Mark still catches his breath as we meet between the buildings. "We need to stay together from now on," I say firmly, looking at both of them. "Whatever that noise was, it's not something we want to face alone."
"Let's check out the Town Hall!" Mark says excitedly as he slowly clambers through a broken window.
"Did he not just hear what I said?" I mutter under my breath, shaking my head in disbelief.
Lily gives me a shrug, her eyes reflecting a mix of amusement and exasperation. "Guess we're heading into the Town Hall then," she says, adjusting her backpack and walking towards the broken window.
I sigh and follow suit, hoisting myself up and carefully maneuvering through the jagged glass. Inside, the air is musty, filled with the scent of old paper and decaying wood. Dust motes float lazily in the beams of sunlight streaming through the cracked windows.
The main hall is vast and eerily silent, with rows of empty chairs facing a stage draped in tattered curtains. The walls are lined with faded portraits and yellowed maps of the town, remnants of a time when this place was alive and bustling.
Mark is already at the front, examining a large, decrepit desk. "Look at this," he says, his voice echoing in the empty space. "It's like stepping back in time."
I walk over, glancing at the old papers scattered across the desk. Most are mundane—meeting minutes, maintenance logs—but one catches my eye. It's a letter dated June 1925, addressed to Harper Franstein.
"Harper, the disappearances are becoming more frequent. The townsfolk are getting restless, and I fear they may take matters into their own hands if we don't act soon. We need to find out what's causing this before it's too late."
I read the letter aloud, and the room fell silent. "Sounds like things were getting pretty tense," Lily remarks, her voice subdued.
As I'm distracted by the time capsule in front of us, Mark sneaks off.
I'm not sure how long it was before she noticed, but I saw Lily looking around before saying, "Where the hell did Mark go?" breaking me out of my trance.
I look around, turning my head in all directions, and shrug at Lily. I hear shuffling in the second room down the hall, so I slowly walk toward it.
"Mark?" I call out.
Just then, a loud crash reverberates through the building, making it sound like the whole place was about to come down.
We run in and see Mark struggling to keep himself from falling into a giant hole that must've broken under his weight. Trying not to laugh, I glance at Lily. We help him up as he dramatically falls onto his back, wheezing as he catches his breath.
Lily and I can't contain our laughter anymore as we bust out laughing hard. Startled by our sudden outburst, Mark jumps in fear. He looks around, confused for a few seconds, before realizing that we are laughing at him.
"Jesus, thanks, I guess," he says, clearly thankful but annoyed by our reaction.
After we contained ourselves, we headed back outside, exiting through the window Mark entered through. He struggles to climb out, but after Lily gives him a hand, he is safely out of the Town Hall.
"Alright, Ror, where should we put the next camera?" Lily asks me.
I stop to think momentarily, trying to picture the town's layout. "I think the only place left is the neighborhood," I respond confidently. I always talk like that with Lily. Over the years, I've realized she is the only person I can have that much confidence around. With anyone else, I'm worried about saying something stupid or wrong or how they'll view me, but with my sister, everything is easy.
As I look at the replica map of the town in its heyday from the museum, I determine that the neighborhood is to the East. "Okay, looks like we head East past the Library. Let's go." I say, walking away.
It only takes about eight minutes to get to the long strip of road that housed the town's workers. According to the map, there were fifteen houses along this strip of road.
The houses stand eerily silent, their wooden frames weathered and decayed by time. We walk down the road, our footsteps crunching on the gravel and echoing in the stillness. The air feels heavier here like the past is watching us, waiting to reveal its secrets.
"Let's put the last cameras on that house at the end of the road," I suggest, pointing to a house that looks slightly less dilapidated than the others, "another one at the last house on the other side, and the last we can save for a spot you choose."
Lily nods and heads toward the first house, pulling another camera from her backpack. She sets it up on the porch, positioning it to capture the entire street, and does the same in the opposite house. As I stand with Mark breathing hard, still unable to catch his breath since we first got here, I can't shake the feeling that we're being watched. I glance around nervously but see nothing out of the ordinary.
"All set," Lily says, breaking my reverie, "Still no ideas for the last cam?" Lily asks me.
"Like I said, wherever you think it would be best. I feel like we have enough good spots and angles, so go wild with that one," I told her.
She smirked and kept walking next to me. Mark was still struggling behind, but after the town hall mishap, he was trying his best to keep up. I looked at my watch, and it read '12:30 pm'.
"Holy shit, it's already 12:30," I said in amazement, but no one else seemed fazed. It felt like we'd only been here thirty minutes, not almost four hours.
We walked back down the street. Lily and I had been discussing on the walk that she should put the last camera at the town's only stoplight in front of the Library.
As we made our way to it, I could have sworn I was seeing something moving fast past my vision in the corner of my eye. Every time I turned to look, it was gone. I chalked it up to being my imagination until Lily and Mark both experienced the same thing.
"What the fuck was that?" Mark asked as he ducked, bracing for something terrible to happen. Lily and I looked back at him and then at each other as we shrugged. It was after that that I started seeing things, too.
I confided in Lily about the unsettling visions and sounds, and she admitted she had experienced the same phenomena but had kept quiet, fearing Mark would dismiss her as paranoid.
"Well, it's probably just a cat or something," I said, attempting to downplay the situation, but neither seemed convinced.
We continued our trek, and I noticed that the more we walked, the more frequently I caught fleeting glimpses of movement in my peripheral vision. It was beginning to grate on my nerves.
Finally, we reached the light in front of the Library. As Lily mounted the camera, I felt a sense of satisfaction. We were making good progress, and it seemed like a suitable moment to start exploring the town more freely. We decided to split up and cover different sections of the town.
"Wait, we have to go alone? Why can't we stay together like you said?" Mark asked frantically, but Lily and I ignored him as we headed in separate directions. He continued to protest, but we paid him no mind. Eventually, I was either far enough away to not hear him anymore, or he had given up. Either way, I was happy to enjoy the eerie silence of the town.
As I wandered, the stillness of Raven's Nest enveloped me. With its decrepit buildings and overgrown streets, the town exuded an unsettling charm. It was as if I had stepped into a forgotten world, a place frozen in time with secrets waiting to be unearthed. The ambiance reminded me of an amusement park's haunted town section—artificially eerie yet irresistibly intriguing. Despite the creepiness, the mysterious vibe of the town kept me engaged and eager to explore its hidden corners.
I glanced at my watch again, only to find the time glaring back at me: 3:19 pm. It couldn't be right. There was no way it had been that long since I last checked. Panic seized me, and I called out for Lily, my voice tinged with urgency. She appeared beside me in a matter of minutes, her expression mirroring my concern.
"What's up, Ror? You okay?" she asked, her voice laced with worry.
"How long would you say it's been since you put the last camera down?" I inquired, my heart pounding in my chest.
Lily's brow furrowed as she struggled to come up with an answer. "Uh, I don't know, thirty minutes?" she hazarded a guess.
I held up my watch, displaying the time: 3:20 pm. Lily fell silent, her eyes widening in disbelief. She was never great with time, but missing almost three hours of our memory was unprecedented.
"There's no way. Your watch must be—" Lily began, her voice trailing off as she checked her own watch, only to freeze in shock when she found it displayed the same time as mine.
"Lil, something is going on," I stated, my voice tight and apprehensive. I glanced up at the sky, my stomach churning as I noticed the clouds darkening and rolling in from all sides of the valley.
The sky closed rapidly, ominous clouds obscuring the sun as thunder rumbled ominously against the mountains.
"Mark? Mark, where are—" I began to call out, but before I could finish, Mark emerged from behind a wall, appearing as if he'd been too frightened to venture far on his own.
"We have to get inside!" Mark exclaimed urgently, his voice tinged with fear.

I’ve only dated men so far and I’ve never been attracted to women, which makes this whole situation even more confusing.
We’ve known each other for about a year, but we grew much closer in the last few months. We bonded over time while discovering how similar we are both in our beliefs and tastes. She was the first to open up about some personal stuff, which prompted me to the same shortly after. I’m a very reserved person and I don’t normally feel safe enough with people to tell them about my emotions, but she just made me feel seen and understood in a way I’ve never experienced before.
What is strange though is that I find her beautiful, but thinking about intimacy beyond kissing and cuddling makes me feel a bit weird, as if it kinda ruined the whole vibe. It’s like I’m fascinated with her whole person, but the intimate aspect just doesn’t seem that important right now. I crave her physical affection but non that much affection, if that makes sense.
When we’re together we’re constantly talking, and when we’re not we text everyday all throughout the day. She occasionally calls me pet names. She also touches me often and sometimes with a teasing undertone to it: hugs to say hello and goodbye, a sneaky tickle here and there, touching my arm while talking, playing with my hair when I’m sitting in front of her… In those moments, my brain is just a big pathetic 404 error. I’m not a fan of physical contact and I rage internally when people touch me without my consent, but with her I’m always left craving for more. She also compliments me a lot, telling me how intelligent and kind I am and how different I am from other people she knows.
The pragmatic side of my mind keeps telling me that she probably just does all this out of genuine affection and maybe some kind of motherly instinct; at the same time, though, I can’t help but think that these are the things you would do with a person you like-like, especially the teasing. Then again, I haven’t known her for that long and I haven’t seen her interact with other people she considers friends, so it’s possible that she always acts like this. Also, she mentioned different ex boyfriends, so that’s a big clue as to what her love life has been so far; the same could be said about me though, yet here I am feeling like this.
My sixth sense is tingling lately, I’m almost positive she picked something up because I royally suck at hiding my emotions and go beetroot red every time she says something nice to me. She also appears to have become even more affectionate since I’ve been unintentionally showing more of my true feelings in the last couple of weeks.
It’s a completely new mix of feelings I don’t really know how to deal with. I’m in a whirlpool of distress, euphoria, shame and bliss, all at the same time. Honestly, I don’t know if I like this. It can get pretty overwhelming, I’m not used to feeling like this about someone. I don't want to ruin the friendship, but I don't know if I can withstand this agony much longer. What should I do?

I'm looking for advice on whether or not Im (33 years old) thinking about this right and what your general thoughts are on divorcing my wife (31 years old) Thank you!
My wife and I got married 5 years ago and it has been stressful, although we do have good times. Ive recently left the house after a huge blow out with the intention of divorcing and Im terrified it's a mistake.
My main issues with her are that she lashes out a lot, she will not see my family, I wonder about narcissistic traits with her, and I feel like Ive drained myself with out getting what I need back.
Lashing out: she has a lot of trauma before meeting me and there are some things that easily trigger her. She comes from a big family where physical abuse happened growing up and ove witnessed some pretty aweful petty stuff. She acknowledges this which is great. But she gets so mean, mocks me, and calls me names. It has been happening for years. She'll eventually apologize but I just anticipate it now as it always happens. I have always felt like Im walking on egg shells. Ive always excused it and easily forgive her because I love her and see her past but its just not fair to me.
She will not see my family: my mom can sometimes be slightly intrusive. Recently my mom sent me a text asking me what to do for my birthday and then said oh never mind your wife should plan that, which she wasnt. My wife exploded. I addressed it with my mom because that was inappropriate and my mom took accountability and apologized. Then my wife tried to plan a dinner and a group bday gift for me with my fam but ended up freaking out after texting with my mom and told me my mom was bullying her and being so rude. I asked to see the texts and my wife had deleted them. I told her I was going to ask my mom to see the texts (this was because I have a hard time believing what my wife says about my mom but if its true I wanted to see it and then address it) and then my wife got even more mad at me saying that I wont understand when I see the texts. Eventually I saw the texts and my mom very nicely asked if they could go to a different restaurant (my wife planned to go to an expensive one) because my sister wouldnt be able to afford it and make it. My mom also said she was planning a separate gift for me. To me, the texts from my mom were actually very pleasant and worded very nicely. This is just one example of all the "abuse" she takes from my family. I eventually cancelled the dinner because I just knew we would have a massive fight after the dinner...which my wife was completely fine with. I get you are supposed to support and maybe even side with your wife when you think that shes wrong, but I cant get over the fact that my wife takes it out on me when I inquire into the "abuse" calling me a "mommas boy" and having an emotional incestuous relationship with my own mom. She says she controls me, which I really dont think is true. Im so upset because I have refrained from communicating with my mom because the risk is too high where my wife might misinterpret things and lash out on me...for hours. Another example is that I visited with my mom a few weeks ago and my mom bought my wife her favorite flowers for me to give to her. My wife lost it and said my mom was doing that to manipulate me to make it seem like she is being nice which paints my wife as the crazy one. My mom is really nice..does a lot of charity...just a sweet kind lady who trys to see the best in the worste people. I know this by her actions. But one thing I will say is that I sense that my mom doesnt think my wife treats me nice and may be protective which my wife may be picking up on too.
Narcissistic traits: (1) having a mature conversation feels impossible: It feels like pulling teeth and its the most frustrating experience of my life. She diverts the convos and gets petty and I never feel heard. I can take accountability for 90% of the convo and then say how i "FEEL" about something and how she hurt me and the conversation gets derailed..etc. tells me she doesnt feel heard (I literally reiterate everything she says and how she feels so she will know I am hearing her) (2) flips everything around on me: Ive noticed that when I bring up an issue with her...days later she will accuse me of doing that same thing (e.g. not taking ownership). Over the years Ive told her Ive felt gaslit, she doesnt take ownership, etc and now thats all part of her issues with me and I find my self very regularly frantically trying to explain myself and trying to validate her feelings and comfort her. Its like completely flipped. A year ago i remember leaving the house to stop a fight and eventually I told her that I was panicking because it felt like she was psychologically and emotionally abusive. She the went quiet for a few seconds and goes "ya I think you are a narcissist" and then I found myself trying to explain myself for numerous problems that she had with me..then the next day it was like nothing happened and my panicked state and issues werent addressed (3) possible reactive abuse: She will go for a long time just being plain cruel and yelling and ill stay calm and doing my best to listen but eventually snap and be mean back. I feel aweful because I admit I can get mean too. Ive never been like that before (people have told me im especially gentle and understanding...but she says the same thing that people say that about her and shes never fought like that before either). Then she will remember how I was mean and hold it against me and I apologize and try and comfort her but my issues with her never feel heard or accounted for. I know for a fact I only get like that after she goes at me for a while and I just listen and take it and try and work through it (4) I feel like ive been isolated from my fam: Last christmas she came and I payed a lot of attention to any sort of passive aggressiveness from my mom or fam and felt so good because it was so pleasant but on the way home she just exploded at me saying they were aweful. (5) ive questioned my own reality so much: Am I the narcissist? Is my mom really bullying her? Am I just a man child? It goes against everything I thought I knew. (6) I feel like as long as I listen and do what she wants, agree with her, dont share how I feel, there will be no fights. (7) doesnt let me sleep. She will fight and fight and I try and stop it but she just wont stop. Sometimes its like she purposefully makes really loud sounds to wake me up. Like unneccesary sounds. I try and calmly address but it goes no where. Sometimes I get mad which is on me (unless shes doing it purposefully). (8) when ive addressed how she hurts me, shes said to me on numerous occassions that she almost wants me to go and date so I can see how bad it is out there and that I dont have it so bad with her. (9) we have huge fights on special occassions. My past three birthdays and my grandpas funeral were ended with big fights about what Im doing wrong and how my fam is mean to her.
The above paragraph really messes with me because there are times when shes so soft and vulnerable and nice. She has done some extremely thoughtful kind things for me. Its just that she can get SO mean and SO petty like she has zero emotional maturity. Its not fair to me.
Pouring myself out: i feel drained and like I dont recognize myself (she says the same things about herself too!). I once told her I wanted to quit my job bc I was so stressed from work place issues and she told me she would leave me if I quit (she did move to be with me and took a far less desirable career to be with me). That comment sent me over the edge and I went on antidepressants (for a few months) and just powered through it all. I feel like I give so much emotionally to it all and dont get it back. The fights completely drain me and I can barely find energy to clean and do basic things needing to be done. She then says I leave her to do most things, which is pretty true, but I know its because I just feel so exhausted. Before her I was very high achieving in running a business etc and staying on top of everything. Shes accused me that now im just comfortable and lazy because she will do everything for me.
A few nights ago she said she wanted a divorce and that she is just so miserable (shes really mentally suffering too and seeks professional help). She left and blocked me. The next day she came back crying and shaking and apologizing saying she cant picture her life with out me. We talked and talked and I spent so much time validating her and eventually I said "its just so hard for me because you dont like my fam and they are trying with you" and she lost it, mocked me, and called me names. Her issue was that I didnt acknowledge why she doesnt like them...but I just spent over an hour validating that! Then I left and said I wanted a trial separation.
I feel so confused. Im really questioning if im the narcissist or im just blind to my fams manipulation and control. If thats true and wont change, then I think that she is better off with out me so she can be happy. But when I think about me, in all cases, ive been so unhappy for years and only recently in the past 6 months have been really taking good care of my health. To top up on the confusion point, my wife did a bunch of psych assesmemts and was diagnosed with adhd, with an intelligence in the 92nd percentile (I think thats genious/mensa level??) but a working memory in the 37th percentile (reaalllly bad and considered a disability). So I wonder how that contributes to this all. My memory is pretty good but my IQ is about 125...for further context. Ive always said to that she is way smarter than which I really do believe.
So now I feel like ive abandoned her and want to help her and I cant bare to see her in pain. I almost want to stay and just accept ill be miserable to make sure she doesnt cry. Its so hard because I have a lot of love and care for her.
Fyi..weve done a couple years of counselling together. Its worked well only to the extent that she acknowledges how shes been hurt in the past and wrongfully lashes out at me and ive learned how to validate her feelings better. She asks me continually to read marriage books and go to counselling myself which I havent done.

i just bought a 14k gold rope chain stamped with “bbb” and a 10k rope bracelet stamped with “bbb”. right now they are shiny and beautiful. my question is can i shower and sleep and gym with these on? how long does this sparkle last? and i seen tarnish sheets help clean gold will tarnish sheets bring back the shine that i am seeing today? i just bought these items and would hate to limit myself wearing them with the thoughts of the look “dulling out” if that makes sense. thank you in advance

Hi, so I have been no contact with one of my good friends/situationship/I don’t even know what to call it at this point for about a month and a half and I want to break it. Honestly until this week I felt nothing about this situation. When it first happened I was devastated, we went no contact, we broke it a week later and then finally had a talk the next day where I decided it was better for me to let him go for real. I’ve been okay, truly, but I don’t know what’s going on this week I just miss him so much and I don’t know if it’s stupid to reach out. He hasn’t said a word to me since we went no contact again.
Basically this all happened bc he was leading me on for a long time and saying he did not have feelings for me every time we got too close. I tried cutting him off before and he always got back in. In April I started seeing/talking to other people, he and I had been just friends at this point for a while. He found out and got really upset and in the same conversation also mentioned how poorly he was doing mentally and that I was the only person he could go to. This just freaked me out in general bc I do worry about him but I also didn’t understand where his anger was coming from bc he was seeing other people and telling me he didn’t have feelings for me.
A day later he kissed me and tried to have sex with me and I didn’t do it. I told him the next day we shouldn’t speak anymore bc I couldn’t keep doing this situation where he leads me on all the time. He then told me that he has feelings for me and had been avoiding them because of how scared he was of hurting me/of how he felt.
Long story short again, he told me he couldn’t be with me or in a relationship with me even though he might want to figure out what these feelings are between us bc of his mental health. I told him I couldn’t stick around for him to figure out his shit bc it wasn’t fair to me to watch him be with other people all the time and just be here waiting around for him and so I didn’t.
Did I make a huge mistake? Should I have just been there with him through all of this? Should I have just waited? I’m just having so many questions now and I think it’s just because I miss him a lot this week. Would it be the worst thing if I reached out? I just also feel like he never will reach out to me even if he wanted to, I’m just going in circles in my mind about it all.
Part of me also feels like he was just lying about his feelings for me to keep me around/have sex with me. He said that wasn’t the case but after the last year I’m not so sure.
I don’t know, does anyone have any advice? Am I just being a total idiot? All our mutual friends will think I’m an idiot for even considering this.
TLDR: I’m no contact with my situationship and I’m considering breaking it but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea bc he led me on before but he told me he has feelings for me before we went nc and I still have feelings for him