https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/interactive/2024/eu-migrant-north-africa-mediterranean/
A year-long joint investigation by The Washington Post, Lighthouse Reports and a consortium of international media outlets shows how the European Union and individual European nations are supporting and financing aggressive operations by governments in North Africa to detain tens of thousands of migrants each year and dump them in remote areas, often barren deserts.
European funds have been used to train personnel and buy equipment for units implicated in desert dumps and human rights abuses, records and interviews show. Migrants have been pushed back into the most inhospitable parts of North Africa, exposing them to abandonment with no food or water, kidnapping, extortion, sale as human chattel, torture, sexual violence and, in the worst instances, death.
human beings living in europe financing african armed forces who reject and punish migrants, its horrible, a nightmare, it makes me feel ashamed to be living in europe
to think of how that state issued currency i use to buy foods in the market, how the same currency is being used to buy weapons and vehicules what cause migrants to experience grave violence and eventually death, it continues to make me feel hopeless for the future of humanity
how can we 500 million or so human beings who live today in europe who today profit of financial wealth amassed during 500 plus years of colonial exploitation in so many places on earth, perhaps a third of all private and public financial wealth in europe generated via the enslavement and abduction of more then 10 million african human beings towards the americas in the transatlantic slave trade, so much land in the americas, in africa, in asia, australia, new zealand stolen from indigenous people by our european ancestors and often the profits of sugar and cotton plantations sent back to europe to be invested into building of palaces for those europeans having financed the colonial abuse
how can we who live today in europe knowing of all this continue to finance the rejection and punishment of migrants ?
how could we change our behaviour ?
i propose that we 8 billion plus human beings alive today would allow each other to leave the coersed association to the regional and nation state at any moment without conditions
we could allow each other a global laisser passer, a global movement tolerance between human beings what would allow everyone to move freely towards spaces where possibly one would be welcome as a refugee seeking person to stay
we could support each other to ask or demand of the state that a 1000 m2 of fertile land and a 1000 m2 of forest would be released for every human being who does not want to be controlled by a state
so that one could sustain oneself on 2000 m2 land free of state control, grow ones own vegan food on it, build ones own natural home from clay, hemp and straw on it, grow hemp to burn its stalks in the cooking and warming fire so that not one tree gets killed
to live and let live
in a free space for free beings, neither state nor nation
the human being not dominating an other human being
the human being not enslaving and not killing animal beings
the human being not killing tree beings
the human being freely travelling the planet to find a space where one can live in harmony with fellow beings

A complete beginner here, and English isn't my first language.
I have acquired a small amount of "water-borne, one-component acrylate lacquer". Here's the link: https://tikkurila.com/industry/products/akvilac-fd-25
The item I'll finish with this product is a small tray, made of repurposed birch.
I'd like to watch YouTube tutorials on how to apply this type of finish with a brush, how it will behave, what to look out for. My problem is, I have no idea what this is called to help me search for right videos.
Is this "water-based polyurethane"? It says "lacquer" though, which seems to be a different thing.
Polyurethane, acrylate, epoxy, laquer, water-borne, oil-based. There's so many names, and some overlap. Is there a diagram?
(Throw in regional differences between countries as well. What is commonly referred to as "laquer", meaning anything clear, dries hard, doesn't soak like oil, runny liquid unlike wax- over here in Nordic countries, might be "polyurethane" on YouTube which seems to be largely North American.)

I’m new to this subreddit and by the looks of it most of you in here can relate in some way so I figured why not confide in those who share my struggles even if it’s barely.
So I 19M am currently just wondering what the point is at this point. I’ve got some goods going for me, if you could even call them that. I have a job that not only pays amazing for someone who graduated from highschool 2 years ago, but also doesn’t need to have a degree to have so that’s an upside I guess. I have 1 one my dream cars (even though it doesn’t fucking drive at the moment). And that’s really it.

 Nothing else is going good for me and it’s making think what to do. I got injured at work and am currently in a lawsuit with the state because of it. Due to missing work so much because of this injury I am around $3,000 in debt because of a loan I had to take out to pay for the medical expenses. I’m at risk of losing my job also due to my attendance because of this injury. I haven’t had car insurance in almost 3 months now because once again, no money. Very few friends 1-2 of which don’t feel comfortable around me because i don’t express myself or act like they do in public (im a very introverted person and have to keep my behavior in check because if i just let loose and let my mind and body act as they want im probably gonna kill someone), no girlfriend (for a number of reasons but primarily im not good looking and trust issues). I barely talk to my parents because i feel as if they’re disappointed in me and that’s why they wanted another son so badly. I’m not particularly smart. Dropped out of college before the semester even started because I knew I would fail since I barely graduated high school. And am in constant pain for various reasons. And to top ALL OF THAT OFF, I’m also black (mixed but it’s not like people can tell the difference) so I also have to deal with racism and discrimination everywhere I go. So to sum all of that up, I’m broke, lonely, have trauma because of a bunch of other shit, depressed, tired, in pain, ugly, hated because of my skin, stupid, and a disappointment. So I ask you people of Reddit. What the fuck is the point of going on with life. I know it’s not all sunshine and rainbows and the world’s not fair. But idk how to keep going. I’ve been dealing with depression for the past 15 years and the other day my mom asked me while i was visiting her if i was depressed because im also constantly tired. KNOWING I WAS. I didn’t even answer I just looked at her. And when I told her why she stared at me and didn’t know what to say. Not even my grandmother who is a licensed therapist had any words to give me. Makes me think that if not only a therapist can help me then what’s the point. Here’s the other thing that sucks. I have so MANY thoughts that run through my head but if I share them with family or friends. I’ll lose the last bit of familiar interaction I have. I have a lizard to keep me company at my apartment but I’m barely taking care of him. He’s doing even better than me. Free food, water, shelter, entertainment. 

I want nothing more than to die but nothing scares me more than death. Ironic isn’t it, how the thing I want most is also my greatest fear. Almost poetic. So please, tell me what to do suggestions are welcome.
PS: for those who wonder what my job is I’m a correctional officer. I can’t say what state for a few reasons but it’s in the Midwest.

My husband and I have had our problems. But he has improved over time so I always forgave him.
Anyway, I have told him many times asking him to be careful cutting our 11 month old’s nails. He has so often cut them too short which is a bit uncomfortable for her (not serious but still I told him so many times they don’t need to be that short). Then today (yes stupid of me) I let him use a baby nail clipper instead of the electric nail trimmer. I said “be very careful” and he straight away (accidentally) cut her finger and she was crying a lot. I was watching in the corner of my eye and could tell he was not really being careful and looked like he tried to cut it waaaaay too short.. I was like ARE YOU SERIOUS?! (Btw whatever happens no I will definitely not be letting him cut her nails again).
I will add, I was a foster child and had fertility issues so I am PARANOID about losing my daughter. So I was LIVID.
Anyway, he was not compressing the bleeding so I had to take her to do the proper first aid. I thought everyone knew to do that but apparently he didn’t. He was trying to run her hand under water and trying to put antiseptic cream before it even stopped bleeding . Like wtf??!?? I had to tell him to eff off cos he just was getting in the way and wouldn’t listen to me when I said you can’t put antiseptic cream on a bleeding finger. I had to grab her off him so I can do first aid. He even pushed my head when I took her off him. I said i Will call emergency if he won’t let me do first aid. At that time I wasn’t sure how bad she was hurt as I couldn’t see it properly but I was really worried about her.
Then when she was better, I saw it wasn’t that bad,. Like still reason to be upset and pissed off (especially considering our conversations) but she didn’t need to go to hospital.
he still was trying to argue with me about my reaction and acting like he did nothing wrong and I was upset for no reason. I just wanted to move on but it’s like he’s not over it and still blaming me.
He left for work (he works away) without even saying goodbye. I got upset so I blocked him as sometimes I’m just so angry I don’t want to talk to him at all and he was talking about divorcing me over that. Like that makes me feel unstable like he doesn’t want to be with me and just wants to divorce so I want to protect myself.
It’s like he can’t understand why I was upset at all and just blaming me. Like am I supposed to be just okay and not upset at all in that moment?!
I said I can admit my mistakes but he should admit his. Instead he doesn’t think he made a mistake at all and I’m just psycho.

Real and practical advice for single men - this works
I originally shared this as a reply to someone's post, then felt like a separate post would help more single guys interested in couples. I've been the male 3rd enough times to be able to share what actually works and is a step beyond the more generic advice of "be charming" or "be respectful". For all the single guys out there, good luck and here goes.
Mindset - you are part of their fantasy and there for her pleasure as a priority. You win when both he and she walk out thinking "Wow" without any yellow or red flags from you.
Here's my advice

1. THE MOST IMPORTANT BIT OF ADVICE - Talk to and engage the M half of the couple. Let him know you know your place in the 3some (i.e. you're there to help them have fun together). It's also a great opportunity to ask him what their fantasy is, what she likes, what he would like to see, and more. Hopefully, they've both talked about this a bunch and he can tell you about that, including any limits. He might even share something special you can do that will blow her mind. By engaging him, with respect, you can find all the help you need in making this work out well for everyone. You don't have to become his best friend, but the more he is comfortable with you, the more they both can relax and enjoy the experience together.
   
2. Realize you are part of THEIR fantasy and you will can be invited back if this works out well. So focus on making it work out well for them, being aware and responsive to their needs, what they are looking for. Single, attractive, respectful men are not as common as you might think. Finding one couple that you get on well with and getting invited back will open many doors for you, especially if they have friends or want to invite you to a party. So, focus on giving her pleasure and fun, even if you don't finish yourself. This is really important to remember - focus on her enjoyment.
   
3. Sometimes a couple will have a specific fantasy and want you to play a role like being the Dom to her. If you find that out, read up on it, get an idea on what you can do in your own style to play that role. Some couples really enjoy when the woman gets to live out her fantasy with another man, whether she wants to be a sub, or a Dom herself, or even really simple almost vanilla things like, doing a strip tease or being playfully teased. You don't have to be perfect or an expert, but realize your role in this interaction is to help them have fun living out their fantasy.
   
4. It should go without saying, but impeccable hygiene is a must. Be trimmed, clean, smelling good, fresh breath, and whatever else you need to do so that she doesn't get distracted. A nice light amount of cologne will work. My advice on cologne is to ask a female friend to pick one for you and then be very subtle with how much you use. Women's noses seem to pickup cologne more than you realize. If you don't have a friend or don't trust cologne being fresh and clean smelling from a shower is great too.
   
5. If necessary, drink an energy drink or coffee so you are bursting with energy when you guys get to the bedroom. That new person energy and stamina goes a long way to having her feel good, appreciated, sexy, wanted etc. You might be tempted to drink alcohol before hand, even just to loosen up. My advice would be NOT to drink.
   
6. Realize they might be nervous or not sure where to start. That's okay if you gently take the lead and help her relax. Gentle kissing, caressing and laying her down on the bed for you to go down on her is a good start. Don't worry too much though, once you get the ball rolling, just let nature take over. You're all there for the same reason, so just let things flow.
   
7. If you are meeting at your place, have a pile of clean towels for them to use. Also of course clean up your place, clean sheets on the bed, etc. Make sure your bathroom and shower are sparkly clean and spray some air freshener around. If necessary, open the windows and air your whole place out just to make things fresher.
   
8. Have bottled water and some sugary snacks. The water will keep everyone hydrated and people feel more comfortable when they drink from a water bottle they open themselves. Gatorade is great too. Sugar snacks will give you a short recharge on your energy (saw this on a porn set). Notwithstanding what I said above about skipping alcohol, having a bottle of wine or other alcohol works well as an icebreaker when the couple shows up. Still, one drink max for everyone is my recommendation for your best evening.
   
9. Before meeting, send sexy chat notes to her (with him in the same chat) to help build excitement in her mind and between them. Keep things subtle, share how excited you are, be playful and easy about it. Too many texts, getting too heavy or too graphic can ruin the mood. And as a general rule, don't send a dick pic. Just don't. You might be tempted to show off, but she can enjoy it when you two are together in person.
   
10. Check in with him, getting his permission in a friendly way, for anything you want to do that you haven't already talked about. You might find things unfolding naturally in new directions and he(and then her) will feel better when they see you check in with them. Remember, he's sharing his girl with you, the more he and then she trust you the better things will turn out.
    
11. Always respect what she says. If she doesn't like something stop. If she wants more of something or asks for something you haven't already talked about, then check in with him to make sure it's okay. Interestingly enough, he may ask you to do something she doesn't want or like. You know how it is with guys, sometimes they can get carried away. If this happens, the best answer is to respect what she says, and suggest something else instead. She will be happier, trust you more for respecting her voice and overall, they will have a better time.
    
12. When things are winding down, look for their cues that it's time for you to leave (if you are at their place) or for them to leave (if they are at your place). This is a good time to make sure they know where the towels are, that they can shower, offer them water, etc. You know, all the "how to be a good host stuff".
    
13. As they are about to go, you can share with them how much you enjoyed the evening and checkin with them, to see if they enjoyed themselves. If they did, you usually don't have to ask. A nice sensual kiss and a hug for her works. Next, it's REALLY IMPORTANT that you thank him for sharing. If you stop and think for a moment, he just shared the most important person in his life with you in a very intimate and private way. You got a gift from him. Be respectful and say thank you with honesty and heartfelt integrity. This can help him and her see that you have character and understand your role.
    
14. Make sure you know, respect and follow THEIR rules about communicating. In general, you can avoid problems by making sure you always communicate with BOTH of them. Sometimes, either she or he will text or call you separately. Just make sure that you ask, know and follow their rules about this. Also, if they do say it's okay for you to talk to each of them separately, it's best to keep the other person involved and aware when you do. This shows simple respect for each of them as individuals and their relationship. The same goes for meeting up with them as individuals. Know, respect and follow THEIR rules.
    
15. Performance issues: if you need to, take a small dose of viagra or cialis to help get over anxiety issues. But don't over do it if you haven't taken it before. You don't want to get too much of a headache or other side effects. One side effect of these meds is that they can also make it harder for you to finish. But don't worry about that because you focusing on her this time is the big win for you.
    

EDIT: Cardio FTW - being in great cardio shape pays dividends all around. Beyond aesthetics for your potential partner, increased stamina means you get less tired during your play time and can choose when to stop vs having to stop because you are badly out of breath. It can also help with exhaustion based performance issues. Last point is that when you click with someone, it's nice to be able to keep going just for their pleasure.

1. Last note - If things work out for you to meet and then you all have a good time, you can be the fuel for new passion and excitement for them and their relationship. In the least you can give them good memories. Maybe it can even develop into something long term.
   
2. Additional note about follow-up: After you leave or they leave, a short polite text thanking them both for a great time is a nice thing to do. Keep it short, simple and don't worry about setting up your next play time, instead just thank them. This gives them feedback that you enjoyed them and opens the door for them to share back to you, as well as ask you later for another play date. Realize that they might not get back to your right away and that's okay. They may have moved family, work or other obligations to make space for this date, and then have to catch back up with all those things the next day. If they had a good time with you and want more, they'll reach out.
   

If anyone else has advice, pls feel free to add it. Everyone wins when you do.
EDIT/UPDATE: For all those that found this helpful. Great! For those who gave feedback on how this advice doesn't work for you, cool. I just shared to be helpful. For those who think I'm implying that the woman is a possession, that's not the point. I actually paused when writing the section about the guy sharing his girl, I thought someone will take this wrong. Maybe it's a guy respect thing, but it's certainly not to imply any sort of ownership. For the people who think this is icky, I'm just trying to help single guys. If it doesn't work for you, you can ignore it. :) Last thought: this isn't the only way for people to do things. I shared to be helpful. Nothing more. No agenda, no service, no sales pitch. Just giving back to the community.
Edit #2: Added the point about follow-up text. Edit #3: Added the point about cardio.

Yesterday, I had an AMAZING day finishing all the tasks earlier in my schedule. So when I woke up super early this morning (3am) to see that there was still 1/8 cup (29 ml) of water still in water bottle, I quickly (and unemotionally) said to myself: guess today is Day 1 (again).
And then I remembered that I overfilled my water bottles each day (started this a week ago) to be sure I got the one gallon in. Phew!
I realize that sometimes I am waaaay too quick to dismiss my efforts and work. I think we talk a lot about cutting corners but I don't think we talk enough about overachieving.
When you overachieve (or achieve) but don't actually allow yourself to experience winning (and instead stay used to FEELING like a loser)...there is a comfort zone issue here around winning and identifying as a winner.
Just sharing because I do believe that many of us doing these challenges are really hard on ourselves in general and find it hard to recognize when we've met or surpassed the goals -- always looking for evidence we're actually failing. I would guess that has to do with letting ourselves "off the hook" of winning because there's some sort of pay off...
I hope this is relatable to someone!

Hong Kong Dharma Talk by Master Lu
2016-07-03
Editor’s note: Dharma Master Jun Hong Lu has a powerful Dharma eye. He can clearly diagnose karma sources by reading the patient’s totem. The participants ask questions at the Dharma Convention, and Master Lu answers them by reading their totems. For living individuals, please tell Master Lu their zodiac and birth year; for deceased individuals, please tell Master Lu their names and death year. Master Lu will acquire their totems through these messages. By reading their totems, Master Lu will find the causes of their illness, helping them treat their diseases.
Patient's wife: This is my husband. He was born in 1969, and his zodiac sign is a rooster. Since being diagnosed with ALS in 2013, he has lost all mobility in his limbs.
Master Lu: No strength in the waist, the whole spine looks like completely paralyzed.
Patient's wife: Yes.
Master Lu: Ouch! Two spirits are pulling him, two rope-like wires pulling his waist, just pulling it upward, so he often gets cramps.
Patient's wife: Yes, yes.
Master Lu: He can still live for one year and three months. You have to tell him to change himself and recite Buddhist scriptures well. I'm telling you, he's here to pay his debt. This is his mother, isn't it?
Patient's wife: His mother.
Master Lu: You tell his mother to recite Buddhist scriptures for him properly. He is here to pay off his karmic debt, and he will be passing away very soon, so you have to recite the Little House to him now. His mother was very strict with him since he was a child, scolding and beating him constantly. Your mother-in-law is very fierce. As soon as the debt is paid off, he will pass away. Thus, I told you (the audience in the convention hall) to take it easy on yourselves about everything. Even if you know that your wife owes you debt, you should not force her to desperately pay. Many wives say, "Ouch, my husband owes me." They abuse their husbands every day, and one day the husband runs away because it's paid off. Do you understand?
Patient's wife: Understand.
Master Lu: You tell his mother to recite the Little House for him every day, a total of 384 sheets, this is the first set so far.
Patient's wife: I have already burned 800 Little House for his karmic creditors, and released 7000 fish.
Master Lu: Well, he's getting a little better. You tell him to take calcium tablets, and eat lecithin. Also, he has poison in his body and is often constipated.
Patient's wife: Yes, yes.
Master Lu: His brain is often messed up.
Patient's wife: Yes, yes, yes.
Master Lu: He often has painful feelings. Keep his mother from bothering him. What do you know, granny? You cast spell over his head, as if you were really doing something. Do you want me to get rid of your soul ah?
Patient's wife: She didn't learn any spells.
Master Lu: You see she just scratched over her son's head like this. Don't scratch, do you understand? Really, alas! (He) owes her. Do you know who his mother's face looks like, do you know? Like an official of the underworld ah? I tell you, (the mother) is to ask for debts. When her son is about to pay off his debt, he will be taken away. (The mother is) very powerful. Alas, you just let fate take its course. In your family, mother has the highest status, and the second is your husband, you are the third.
Patient's wife: Yes yes.
Master Lu: If you have a dog in your family, you will become the fourth. Do you understand? Recite Buddhist scriptures properly!
Patient's wife: Master, how many more Little Houses do we need to recite for him? How many fish to liberate for him?
Master Lu: 18,000 fish.
Patient's wife: Okay.
Master Lu: Continue reciting Little Houses for him until you reach the target of about 890 sheets.
Patient's wife: Now we have finished 800 sheets.
Master Lu: Keep reciting until he recovers. He will be able to stand up later, but he is weak and needs crutches.
Patient's wife: Okay.
Master Lu: If reciting Buddhist scriptures well he can stand up. No big problem. He just has a severe atrophy.
Patient's wife: Yes, yes, yes.
Master Lu: His muscles are all atrophied. With time, all muscles will completely close up.
Patient's wife: He is now having difficulty swallowing, and eating is a problem.
Master Lu: There is a way to help him. Serve him great compassion water every morning, and then ask his mother to give him a throat massage by hand. When you do massage for your husband, you recite the Great Compassion Mantra. Every time he can not swallow, you do massage for him with your mouth reciting the Great Compassion Mantra. You try, each time you can help him to be able to swallow. This is a temporary solution.
Patient's wife: Okay, thank you, Master!
Statement by translator
The dialogue was translated from Chinese into English by meaning, not word by word. If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the true meaning of the Chinese version, I pray for forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors and Master Jun Hong Lu.
Propagation
It would be greatly appreciated if you would forward this presentation to all sentient beings you know, sick or healthy. You will accumulate immeasurable merits and virtues. Saving a life is more meritorious than building a seven-floor pagoda!
Would you like to change your destiny?
We will show you how to do the Five Golden Buddhist Practices of Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door: (1) making vows, (2) reciting Buddhist scriptures (sutras and mantras), (3) performing life liberation, (4) reading Buddhism in Plain Terms, and (5) repenting. You will personally witness how you and your family can achieve physical and mental stability, relief from illness and grievances, wisdom growth, academic progress, career advancement, and family happiness through Dharma. It’s free of charge.
Contact
Buddhist practitioner: Lily
Email: [sunnypurplelily@gmail.com](mailto:sunnypurplelily@gmail.com)
WeChat: HanJing20210820
原文如下：
2016年7月3日 中国香港《玄艺综述》大型现场解答会看图腾
病人妻子：这是我的丈夫。他是1969年属鸡的，2013年医院检查出渐冻症，现在已经发展到四肢没有任何的活动能力。
台长师父：腰没有力量，整个脊背完全瘫掉一样。
病人妻子：对。
台长师父：哎哟！两个灵性拉他的，两根绳子一样的铁丝拉他的腰，就是往上牵，所以他经常会抽筋。
病人妻子：是的是的。
台长师父：他还能活一年零三个月。你要叫他变化，好好地念经。我告诉你，他是来还债的。这是他妈妈是吧？
病人妻子：他妈。
台长师父：你叫他妈好好帮他念经，这个孩子是来还债的，他很快就要走的，所以你现在要给他念小房子。妈妈从小对他很严格，骂啊、打啊什么都要做的。你这个婆婆很厉害的，还完了，这个孩子就走掉了。所以我叫你们自己什么事情要悠着点，就是知道这个老婆来还债的，你也不要怎么样，就是知道怎么样，你也不要拼命地去叫人家还。很多老婆说：“哎哟，我老公欠我的。”对他整天不好、整天不好，到最后有一天老公跑掉了，因为还完了。听得懂吗？
病人妻子：明白了。
台长师父：你叫他妈妈每天要念小房子，一共要念384张，这是目前第一拨。
病人妻子：我已经为他烧送了800张小房子了，放生7000条鱼。
台长师父：嗯，他好了一点点。你叫他要吃钙片，还要叫他吃卵磷脂。还有他身上有毒，经常便秘。
病人妻子：是的是的。
台长师父：脑子已经经常转不过弯来。
病人妻子：对对对。
台长师父：经常有痛苦感觉，叫他的妈妈不要再乱弄他了。你懂什么，老婆婆？还要搞这种法术呢，头上拉拉下来，像真的一样，你要不要我把你魂弄掉啊？
病人妻子：她没学什么法术。
台长师父：你看她刚才在她儿子头上这么抓。不要抓，听得懂吗？真的，唉！欠她的。你知道他妈妈……你看看他妈妈的脸像谁，你们知道吗？像不像地府的官啊？我告诉你，就是来要债，把她儿子弄弄弄，还债，还得差不多了，把他带走。很厉害的，弄到最后还是她。你就是……唉，你就随缘吧，你就这种孩子了，没办法。你们家里，老大是他妈，老二是你老公，你是老三。
病人妻子：是的是的。
台长师父：如果你们家再养条狗，你就变老四了。听得懂吗？好好念经了！
病人妻子：师父，我们再为他念多少小房子？放多少鱼？
台长师父：放18000条鱼。
病人妻子：好的。
台长师父：小房子要帮他不停地念，最后大概要念到890张。
病人妻子：现在已经达到800张了。
台长师父：还要念，念到他好。他以后能站起来，但是浑身无力，要拄拐棍的。
病人妻子：好的。
台长师父：他如果好好念经，能站起来的，没什么大问题，他只是萎缩症很厉害。
病人妻子：对对对。
台长师父：他的肌肉都在萎缩，萎缩到后来完全收起来了。
病人妻子：他现在的吞咽都很困难，吃饭都成问题了。
台长师父：有一个方法，每天早上给他喝大悲水，然后叫他妈妈给他做手部按摩。你给你老公做，手部按摩的时候给他念《大悲咒》，每一次吞不下去，你就手帮他这里按摩，嘴巴里念《大悲咒》。你试试看，每一次帮你叫他吞得下去，这是暂时的办法。
病人妻子：好的，感恩师父！
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The contents of the presentation and answers, including text, images, and other information obtained from Dharma practitioners, are provided strictly for reference purposes. Due to the unique nature of individual karma, results similar to those experienced by the authors may not be replicated. The experiences and advice shared should not be construed as medical advice or a diagnosis.
In the event of an emergency, it is crucial to promptly contact your doctor or emergency services by dialing 911. Relying on any information found in the answers is done solely at your own risk. The translator and answerer bear no responsibility for the consequences. By using or misusing the contents, you accept liability for any personal injury, including death. It is imperative to exercise caution and seek professional medical guidance for health-related concerns.

“We’re a meat family,” my dad would proudly tell strangers. He’d wait for the quizzical look, then launch into detail, starting with how many freezers we had, how long we could sustain ourselves on the contents. It was just his way of starting a conversation, which made sense when you considered that raising and home-killing animals for food was, for want of a better term, his life-long hobby. His prize possession was one of those industrial-sized vacuum sealers: you could put half a pig inside and wrap it in plastic so tightly that every wrinkle and skin fold waxed unreal with shiny detail.
If we hadn’t lived in a rural area, albeit semi-urbanised, I guess it would have been pretty weird. But the mostly farming-stock locals only found his extra enthusiasm a little bit odd.
When he wasn’t being a bit embarrassing talking about it, I never really paid much heed to his hobby. I had a child’s vaguely grateful awareness that though our family went through some lean financial times, our stomachs never suffered like some of the families around us. All the beef, pork, ham and bacon in those big old chest freezers passed down from his dad really could have fed us for years.
I should preface all this by saying that I wasn’t a particularly bright kid, though neither was I dumb. I didn’t fail badly at anything in school, I just never achieved beyond a pass. I didn’t know it yet back then, still quietly dreaming about being a ballet star or a dressage champion, but mediocrity was my destiny. And I think that’s why I got on so well with my Aunt Liz.
Liz was my dad’s live-in youngest sister. She was one of those women who get described as ‘bubbly’ — not really pretty, not really smart, not a lot going on besides just being… well, all Liz. But she was salt of the earth; kind, caring, and great with kids. She was the only person who would willingly mind my two older brothers, who fought like hellcats and caused more trouble than the whole last generation of my family combined. People would privately lament to my parents that it was a shame Liz didn’t have kids of her own, but dad would just shake his head and say Liz liked it that way – that all the fun of looking after kids is being able to give them back to their parents.
I guess she was like me; nice, but mediocre. Lovely, but somehow forgettable when she wasn’t doing something for you.
But when Liz left us, I couldn’t forget her.
In hindsight, it was pretty weird timing that we had a big fortieth birthday party for Liz right before she disappeared. She was radiant that night; she’d hired a local girl to do her hair and makeup, and it was honestly the first time I’d ever seen her look pretty. She’d even worn a push-up bra under a tight red dress, which flattered her very plump curves well enough that the neighbour’s farmhand was spotted disappearing into the woolshed with her for a snog. In my dawning awareness, that gave a plain girl hope: if Aunty Liz could get a guy at forty, maybe things would turn out okay for me.
Anyway, I couldn’t forget how her pink cheeks, her eyes, her whole self, glowed that night before Liz went to bed. She said it was the best birthday ever, and that she was very much looking forward to the next stage of her life.
Would I have done anything different, if I had known? If I had realised what, exactly, that next stage was?
The week after the party, Aunt Liz said she was going on a little holiday up north, to visit some old school friends. She packed her things – she didn’t honestly have that many – and drove her little orange mini out onto the main road. And with a wave of one fleshy hand, she was gone. Nobody really thought much of it when she didn’t call, because nobody rural had cellphones back then. And Liz was, as I said, somehow kinda forgettable when she wasn’t right in front of you.
When we hadn’t had contact for six weeks, Dad tracked down the land line numbers for their old school buddies. They were surprised to hear from him — Liz had never arrived, so they had just assumed she’d cancelled her visit. No-one had thought to check. I eavesdropped on the conversation, and it sounded for all the world like *they* had forgotten about Aunt Liz, too.
From there it became a missing person case. The local cops came and talked to all of us; the farmhand who’d been seen snogging her was briefly detained, then let go, dad got grilled at length, even my hellion brothers were questioned thoroughly to see if this was one of their wild and dangerous pranks gone wrong.
But everything was a dead end. Nobody knew where Liz was, or what had happened to her.
The remains of her old mini were found halfway across the country, burned out on a beach, on a derelict stretch of ragged, rocky coastline. The police assumed murder and combed the area for remains. But even the most expert divers couldn’t conquer the incredible undertow and fast-shifting seabed of that coastline to look for evidence, so none was forthcoming.
Eventually the cops collectively shrugged and said that there was really nothing more they could do unless more information suddenly came to light. The locals knew nothing, no witnesses had come forward, and the trail was cold. As far as anyone knew, poor aunt Liz had been murdered on some desolate beach, far away from her home.
It didn’t feel fair to me. She’d once mentioned wanting her remains buried on our farm, in the graveyard plot beside grandma and grandad.
So, in my grief, I went into her room to look for something of hers to bury beside them.
Like I said, Liz didn’t have many things. Her room was pretty spartan, and her wardrobe was mostly sensible farm stuff. There was one exception: she, like me, did like to read, and she had a pretty good collection of well-thumbed books. I think it’s the escapism – even the most mediocre girl can lose herself in the plot of some trashy romance novel, imagine there’s still hope of being swept off her feet by that handsome stableboy, his inexplicable yearning for chubby plain girls.
So I set myself the task of going through the books, to find the right one to bury in the graveyard plot.
Most of them were exactly what you’d expect, but some of them were racier than I was used to. I felt various parts of my body flushing and tingling, as I read breathless prose about calloused hands touching the softest flesh of the protagonist. Okay, if I’m honest with myself, I might have got a little *too* invested in my project at that point. But that was also why I persisted going through her entire collection, until I found the ragged paperback from 1970, entitled Tawny Sands. And inside that trashy cardboard romance cover, I discovered not the tale of Tawny Sands, but some carefully hand-cut, stitched-in pages. A handwritten story in my Aunt’s rounded penmanship: Memoirs of a Long Pig.
I read her story twice in a row, utterly gripped.
Aunt Liz was no Stephen King – heck, she wasn’t even the Goosebumps guy – but her story was gripping and compelling, and I couldn’t put it down. Even if I hadn’t known her, I think that would have been true.
The gist of it was that Liz, when she was sixteen, had discovered that our family had a very long history of eating what she described as ‘Long Pork’. It’s an antipodean term, anglicised from the Pacific Islands: human meat.
Like me, young Liz still had some hopes and dreams. In one of her many failed attempts to find a special talent, she’d taken up cooking as a hobby. Naturally, with our family’s overabundance of meat, she’d scoured the freezers in the shed for ingredients: the racks of ribs and stacks of pork chops, butcher-paper wrappings all neatly labelled with the first letter of the name of the animal they came from.
She found familiar meat from Rodney, one of the pigs that had been recently slaughtered, emblazoned with an ‘R’ in her father’s strong, blocky lettering. There were cutlets labelled ‘M’ for Mary, from one of the lambs she’d hand-reared, and ‘F’ for Ferdinand, the steer they’d killed the month before. But she couldn’t explain the many, many curious parcels of meat on one side of the huge freezer, all labelled ‘J’ – at least, not until she took it all out and assembled it as well as she could on the scoured concrete floor of the killing shed. A big, frozen jigsaw puzzle without the box, her best attempt to discover what kind of beast the pieces had come from.
The animal, she quickly realised, was a Long Pig. Her own Aunt Jenny, who had died the month before – just after her fortieth birthday.
Fortunately, or perhaps not, for Liz, her father entered the shed right at that moment and realised his daughter had discovered the family secret. He sat down calmly on the lid of the freezer, and explained to her that this was a long-running family tradition, dating back to at least before his grandfather had been born.
“There are always people in life, Liz,” he’d said, “who won’t really amount to much. They want to be useful, want to be more. They strive and they strive, trying job after job, hobby after hobby, trying to hit on something they’re really good at. Something that makes them special. Those people can waste their whole lives, chasing dreams that never come true. Eventually they die unfulfilled, knowing that all their time has been wasted. That what they leave behind will fade quickly.”
His voice was oddly gentle as he leaned down and patted one of the neatly wrapped cuts of Aunt Jenny, still sitting frozen on the shed floor.
“Your Aunt Jenny was one of those people. So was my Aunt Irene.” He paused to gaze at his daughter, his next words peppered with emphasis. “But you see, my sweet Liz, they did find a purpose in life. They did find a way to be special, and they left this world utterly certain of their gift.” He stood up, stretched his back. “Let me show you.”
Liz waited while my grandad meticulously stacked the meat back into the freezer, all but one J-marked parcel that looked for all the world like a thick venison steak. He took her back to the farmhouse, and reverently unwrapped the deep red, heavily marbled meat to let it thaw. Then he laid it in the family’s ancient, cast-iron pan, basting it with butter and rosemary until a heavenly scent filled the kitchen, and Aunt Liz couldn’t stop her mouth from watering.
“Just try it. Let her show you. You’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.”
Even though she knew it was her aunt, Liz couldn’t stop herself from taking that first bite. There was something transcendent about the smell, overriding her natural revulsion that this was human meat, not one of their farm animals. For the first time, she truly realised it: we’re just another kind of animal. And weren’t her memories of Mary the lamb almost as fond as her memories of Aunt Jenny?
Liz explained then, in her curly handwriting, the explosion of taste that had assaulted her when she tried the steak. It was tender, it was succulent, it was rich beyond imagining. The fats melted on her tongue, lingering somewhere between pork and beef, but oddly neither. The flavour of the meat defied identification; something familiar, yet not.
But one thing she couldn’t deny; it was the most delicious thing she had ever eaten. Tears dripped onto her plate, mingled with the juice, the grease — not grief, but a pure, real, giddy delight.
“You’re tasting your aunt’s love for this family,” my grandad explained. “Her entire life was carefully curated, to eventually make unforgettable moments for us, just like this. This was her way of being special. This was the greatest gift she could possibly bring to our world – and because she realised that, she died with not a single regret. She knew her life had purpose. She was perfectly, completely fulfilled.”
I felt those words. I felt them lodge in my own belly, settling uncomfortably deep. I knew Aunt Liz, probably better than anyone else in the family. I’d seen how fucking happy she’d been on her fortieth, how goddamn fulfilled she was, despite apparently being a *nobody* and achieving *nothing*. Somehow, in the space of a single day, she had gone from being a forgettable background character to becoming the *main character*, immortalising herself in our family’s history with her sacrifice. Quite literally becoming part of all of us, forever.
I went to the killing shed after I finished with the book. I looked inside the freezers.
But there were no vacuum-sealed packages labelled ‘L’, no matter how deep I dug into the frozen stacks of plastic-wrapped flesh. Panicked now, not sure if I wanted to connect all the dots or unconnect them, I tried to think back over the last few months, recall any meals that had been unusually good. A few Sundays ago, we’d had a stew that really hit the spot and left me craving more. And I realised that the family had a really good night that night; my brothers behaved themselves, my parents didn’t fight, and grandma and grandad had been there. Hadn’t they looked far more… expectant than they should have?
I strained my brain, trying to recall if I’d seen the homekill bag on the kitchen bench – if I’d registered what letter it was. I knew it wasn’t an L. I would have remembered if it was an L.
And then it hit me, the memory, the connection, sizzling as if branded with a hot iron.
It had been an ‘E’.
E for Elizabeth. Not for Edward the pig.
I snorted at my own stupidity – of *course* Liz was short for Elizabeth – and as I comprehended my lack of smarts, I felt something give inside me.
I wasn’t clever, and nothing, nothing would ever make me smart. I had no big talents. I wasn’t beautiful, or even cute – and even if I had a million plastic surgeries, it still wouldn’t fulfill me. It wouldn’t be real.
I was a Liz.
I was a Jenny.
I was whoever the first aunt had been, the aunt who had dedicated her life to making her flesh as delicious as possible, who had worked every damn minute to be the best Long Pig she could ever be.
I wondered how many magical family evenings had been spent eating Aunt Jenny. How many glorious, satisfying, memorable dishes had been made out of her.
And… I wanted that. I wanted to finally know I had a *purpose* in life. One so simple, and so easy to achieve.
I wanted what Aunt Liz had.
***
It's my fortieth birthday today and I’m so fucking excited. For the last twenty-four years, I’ve dedicated myself to this moment; I’ve eaten exactly what I needed to, I’ve exercised just enough, but not too much, to maintain that perfect balance of marbling vs tenderness. I’ve relaxed and meditated to keep all those amazing flavours inside of me. I’ve researched all the greatest meats in the world, from prime Angus beef to A5 Wagyu. I really think I may have outdone myself.
I’m having my hair and makeup done at the local salon this afternoon, and I’m going to look so pretty; all prize piggy on show at the fair. I’m even going to have a big red ribbon in my hair, in memory of Aunt Liz.
Maybe there’ll be a cute boy I can snog in the wool shed, maybe there won’t – I don’t really care; because the most important, most certain thing is that I’m going to be the most delicious Long Pig in the history of our entire family.
I’m going to make everyone so damn happy, and I’m just so glad I can share my story with you all, instead of hiding it in a grubby book like poor Aunt Liz.
My only real disappointment? That you won’t get to taste me.
Reader, I have loved, loved my life. My Long Pork will be out of this world: once tasted, never, ever forgotten.

"Why Did Jesus Die on the Cross?"

The main reason Jesus died on the cross was to defeat Satan and set us free from his oppressive rule. Everything else that Jesus accomplished was to be understood as an aspect and consequence of this victory (e.g., Recapitulation, Moral Influence, etc.).
This understanding of why Jesus had to die is called the Christus Victor (Latin for “Christ is Victorious”) view of the atonement. But, what exactly was Christ victorious from, and why? To find out the answers to these questions, we have to turn to the Old Testament, as that's what the apostles would often allude to in order to properly teach their audience the message they were trying to convey (Rom. 15:4).
The OT is full of conflict between the Father (YHVH) and false gods, between YHVH and cosmic forces of chaos. The Psalms speak of this conflict between YHVH and water monsters of the deeps (an ancient image for chaos) (Psa. 29:3-4; 74:10-14; 77:16, 19; 89:9-10; 104:2-9, etc).
The liberation of Israel from Egypt wasn’t just a conflict between Pharaoh and Moses. It was really between YHVH and the false gods of Egypt.
Regardless of whether you think the aforementioned descriptions are literal or metaphorical, the reality that the Old Testament describes is that humanity lived in a “cosmic war zone.”
The Christus Victor motif is about Christ reigning victorious over wicked principalities and Satan's kingdom, and is strongly emphasized throughout the New Testament. Scripture declares that Jesus came to drive out "the prince of this world” (John 12:31), to “destroy the works of the devil” (1 John 3:8), to “destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil” (Heb. 2:14) and to “put all enemies under his feet” (1 Cor 15:25). Jesus came to overpower the “strong man” (Satan) who held the world in bondage and worked with his Church to plunder his "palace" (Luke 11:21-22). He came to end the reign of the cosmic “thief” who seized the world to “steal, and to kill, and to destroy” the life YHVH intended for us (John 10:10). Jesus came and died on the cross to disarm “the principalities and powers” and make a “shew of them openly [i.e., public spectacle]” by “triumphing over them in [the cross]” (Col. 2:15).
Beyond these explicit statements, there are many other passages that express the Christus Victor motif as well. For example, the first prophecy in the Bible foretells that a descendent of Eve (Jesus) would crush the head of the serpent (Gen. 3:15). The first Christian sermon ever preached proclaimed that Jesus in principle conquered all YHVH's enemies (Acts 2:32-36). And the single most frequently quoted Old Testament passage by New Testament authors is Psalm 110:1 which predicts that Christ would conquer all YHVH’s opponents. (Psalm 110 is quoted or alluded to in Matthew 22:41-45; 26:64, Mark 12:35-37; 14:62, Luke 20:41-44; 22:69, Acts 5:31; 7:55-56, Romans 8:34, 1st Corinthians 15:22-25, Ephesians 1:20, Hebrews 1:3; 1:13; 5:6, 10; 6:20; 7:11, 15, 17, 21; 8:1; 10:12-13, 1st Peter 3:22, and Revelation 3:21.) According to New Testament scholar Oscar Cullman, the frequency with which New Testament authors cite this Psalm is the greatest proof that Christ’s “victory over the angel powers stands at the very center of early Christian thought.”
Because of man's rebellion, the Messiah's coming involved a rescue mission that included a strategy for vanquishing the powers of darkness.
Since YHVH is a God of love who gives genuine “say-so” to both angels and humans, YHVH rarely accomplishes His providential plans through coercion. YHVH relies on His infinite wisdom to achieve His goals. Nowhere is YHVH's wisdom put more on display than in the manner in which He outsmarted Satan and the powers of evil, using their own evil to bring about their defeat.
Most readers probably know the famous story from ancient Greece about the Trojan Horse. To recap the story, Troy and Greece had been locked in a ten-year-long vicious war when, according to Homer and Virgil, the Greeks came up with a brilliant idea. They built an enormous wooden horse, hid soldiers inside and offered it to the Trojans as a gift, claiming they were conceding defeat and going home. The delighted Trojans accepted the gift and proceeded to celebrate by drinking themselves into a drunken stupor. When night came and the Trojan warriors were too wasted to fight, the Greeks exited the horse, unlocked the city gates to quietly let all their compatriots in, and easily conquered the city, thus winning the war.
Historians debate whether any of this actually happened. But either way, as military strategies go, it’s brilliant.
Now, there are five clues in the New Testament that suggest YHVH was using something like this Trojan Horse strategy against the powers when he sent Jesus into the world:
1) The Bible tells us that YHVH's victory over the powers of darkness was achieved by the employment of YHVH’s wisdom, and was centered on that wisdom having become reality in Jesus Christ (Rom. 16:25, 1 Cor. 2:7, Eph. 3:9-10, Col. 1:26). It also tells us that, for some reason, this Christ-centered wisdom was kept “secret and hidden” throughout the ages. It’s clear from this that YHVH's strategy was to outsmart and surprise the powers by sending Jesus.
2) While humans don’t generally know Jesus’ true identity during his ministry, demons do. They recognize Jesus as the Son of God, the Messiah, but, interestingly enough, they have no idea what he’s doing (Mark 1:24; 3:11; 5:7, Luke 8:21). Again, the wisdom of YHVH in sending Jesus was hidden from them.
3) We’re told that, while humans certainly share in the responsibility for the crucifixion, Satan and the powers were working behind the scenes to bring it about (John 13:27 cf. 1 Cor. 2:6-8). These forces of evil helped orchestrate the crucifixion.
4) We’re taught that if the “princes of this world [age]” had understood the secret wisdom of YHVH, “they would not have crucified the Lord of glory” (1 Cor 2:8 cf. vss 6-7). Apparently, Satan and the powers regretted orchestrating Christ’s crucifixion once they learned of the wisdom of YHVH that was behind it.
5) Finally, we can begin to understand why the powers came to regret crucifying “the Lord of glory” when we read that it was by means of the crucifixion that the “handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us [i.e., the charge of our legal indebtedness]” was “[taken] out of the way [i.e., canceled]” as the powers were disarmed. In this way Christ “triumph[ed] over” the powers by "his cross” and even “made a shew of them openly” (Col. 2:14-15). Through Christ’s death and resurrection YHVH's enemies were vanquished and placed under his Messiah's feet, and ultimately His own in the end (1 Cor. 15:23-28).
Putting these five clues together, we can discern YHVH's Trojan Horse strategy in sending Jesus.
The powers couldn’t discern why Jesus came because YHVH's wisdom was hidden from them. YHVH's wisdom was motivated by unfathomable love, and since Satan and the other powers were evil, they lacked the capacity to understand it. Their evil hearts prevented them from suspecting what YHVH was up to.
What the powers did understand was that Jesus was mortal. This meant he was killable. Lacking the capacity to understand that this was the means by which YHVH would ultimately bring about the defeat of death (and thus, pave the road for the resurrection itself), they never suspected that making Jesus vulnerable to their evil might actually be part of YHVH's infinitely wise plan.
And so they took the bait (or "ransom"; Matt. 20:28, Mark 10:45, 1 Tim. 2:5-6). Utilizing Judas and other willing human agents, the powers played right into YHVH’s secret plan and orchestrated the crucifixion of the Messiah (Acts 2:22-23; 4:28). YHVH thus brilliantly used the self-inflicted incapacity of evil to understand love against itself. And, like light dispelling darkness, the unfathomably beautiful act of YHVH's love in sending the willing Messiah as a "ransom" to these blood-thirsty powers defeated them. The whole creation was in principle freed and reconciled to YHVH, while everything written against us humans was nailed to the cross, thus robbing the powers of the only legal claim they had on us. They were “spoiled [i.e., disempowered]” (Col. 2:14-15).
As happened to the Trojans in accepting the gift from the Greeks, in seizing on Christ’s vulnerability and orchestrating his crucifixion, the powers unwittingly cooperated with YHVH to unleash the one power in the world that dispels all evil and sets captives free. It’s the power of self-sacrificial love.

Why Penal Substitution Is Unbiblical

For the sake of keeping this already lengthy post as short as possible I'm not going to spend too much time on why exactly PSA (Penal Substitutionary Atonement) is inconsistent with Scripture, but I'll go ahead and point out the main reasons why I believe this is so, and let the reader look further into this subject by themselves, being that there are many resources out there which have devoted much more time than I ever could here in supporting this premise.

"Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us:"-1 Corinthians 5:7

The Passover is one of the two most prominent images in the New Testament given as a comparison to Christ's atonement and what it accomplished, (the other most common image being the Day of Atonement sacrifice).
In the Passover, the blood of the lamb on the door posts of the Hebrews in the book of Exodus was meant to mark out those who were YHVH's, not be a symbol of PSA, as the lamb itself was not being punished by God in place of the Hebrews, but rather the kingdom of Egypt (and thus, allegorically speaking, the kingdom of darkness which opposed YHVH) was what was being judged and punished, because those who were not "covered" by the blood of the lamb could be easily identified as not part of God's kingdom/covenant and liberated people.
Looking at the Day of Atonement sacrifice (which, again, Christ's death is repeatedly compared to throughout the New Testament), this ritual required a ram, a bull, and two goats (Lev. 16:3-5). The ram was for a burnt offering intended to please God (Lev. 16:3-4). The bull served as a sin offering for Aaron, the high priest, and his family. In this case, the sin offering restored the priest to ritual purity, allowing him to occupy sacred space and be near YHVH’s presence. Two goats taken from "the congregation” were needed for the single sin offering for the people (Lev. 16:5). So why two goats?
The high priest would cast lots over the two goats, with one chosen as a sacrifice “for the Lord” (Lev. 16:8). The blood of that goat would purify the people. The second goat was not sacrificed or designated “for the Lord.” On the contrary, this goat—the one that symbolically carried the sins away from the camp of Israel into the wilderness—was “for Azazel” (Lev. 16:8-10).
What—or who—is Azazel?
The Hebrew term azazel (עזאזל) occurs four times in Leviticus 16 but nowhere else in most people's canon of the Bible, (and I say "most people's canon," because some people do include 1 Enoch in their canon of Scripture, which of course goes into great detail about this "Azazel" figure). Many translations prefer to translate the term as a phrase, “the goat that goes away,” which is the same idea conveyed in the King James Version’s “scapegoat.” Other translations treat the word as a name: Azazel. The “scapegoat” option is possible, but since the phrase “for Azazel” parallels the phrase “for YHVH” (“for the Lord”), the wording suggests that two divine figures are being contrasted by the two goats.
A strong case can be made for translating the term as the name Azazel. Ancient Jewish texts show that Azazel was understood as a demonic figure associated with the wilderness. The Mishnah (ca. AD 200; Yoma 6:6) records that the goat for Azazel was led to a cliff and pushed over, ensuring it would not return with its death. This association of the wilderness with evil is also evident in the New Testament, as this was where Jesus met the devil (Matt. 4:1). Also, in Leviticus 17:1-7 we learn that some Israelites had been accustomed to sacrificing offerings to "devils" (alternatively translated as “goat demons”). The Day of Atonement replaced this illegitimate practice.
The second goat was not sent into the wilderness as a sacrifice to a foreign god or demon. The act of sending the live goat out into the wilderness, which was unholy ground, was to send the sins of the people where they belonged—to the demonic domain. With one goat sacrificed to bring purification and access to YHVH and one goat sent to carry the people’s sins to the demonic domain, this annual ritual reinforced the identity of the true God and His mercy and holiness.
When Jesus died on the cross for all of humanity’s sins, he was crucified outside the city, paralleling the sins of the people being cast to the wilderness via the goat to Azazel. Jesus died once for all sinners, negating the need for this ritual.
As previously stated, the goat which had all the sin put on it was sent alive off to the wilderness, while the blood of the goat which was blameless was used to purify the temple and the people. Penal substitution would necessitate the killing of the goat which had the sin put on it.
Mind you, this is the only sacrificial ritual of any kind in the Torah in which sins are placed on an animal. The only time it happens is this, and that animal is not sacrificed. Most PSA proponents unwittingly point to this ritual as evidence of their view, despite it actually serving as evidence to the contrary, because most people don't read their Old Testament and don't familiarize themselves with the "boring parts" like Leviticus (when it's actually rather important to do so, since that book explains how exactly animal offerings were to be carried out and why they were done in the first place).
In the New Testament, Christ's blood was not only meant to mark out those who were his, but also expel the presence of sin and ritual uncleanness so as to make the presence of YHVH manifest in the believer's life. Notice how God's wrath isn't poured out on Christ in our stead on this view, but rather His wrath was poured out on those who weren't covered, and the presence of sin and evil were merely removed by that which is pure and blameless (Christ's blood) for the believer.
All this is the difference between expiation and propitiation.

The Content of Paul's Gospel Message

When the New Testament writers talked about “the gospel,” they referred not to the Protestant doctrine of justification sola fide–the proposition that if we will stop trying to win God’s favor and only just believe that God has exchanged our sin for Christ’s perfect righteousness, then in God’s eyes we will have the perfect righteousness required both for salvation and for assuaging our guilty consciences–but rather they referred to the simple but explosive proposition Kyrios Christos, “Christ is Lord.” That is to say, the gospel was, properly speaking, the royal announcement that Jesus of Nazareth was the God of Israel’s promised Messiah, the King of kings and Lord of lords.
The New Testament writers were not writing in a cultural or linguistic vacuum and their language of euangelion (good news) and euangelizomai would have been understood by their audience in fairly specific ways. Namely, in the Greco-Roman world for which the New Testament authors wrote, euangelion/euangelizomai language typically had to do with either A) the announcement of the accession of a ruler, or B) the announcement of a victory in battle, and would probably have been understood along those lines.
Let’s take the announcements of a new ruler first. The classic example of such a language is the Priene Calendar Inscription, dating to circa 9 BC, which celebrates the rule (and birthday) of Caesar Augustus as follows:
"It was seeming to the Greeks in Asia, in the opinion of the high priest Apollonius of Menophilus Azanitus: Since Providence, which has ordered all things of our life and is very much interested in our life, has ordered things in sending Augustus, whom she filled with virtue for the benefit of men, sending him as a savior [soter] both for us and for those after us, him who would end war and order all things, and since Caesar by his appearance [epiphanein] surpassed the hopes of all those who received the good tidings [euangelia], not only those who were benefactors before him, but even the hope among those who will be left afterward, and the birthday of the god [he genethlios tou theou] was for the world the beginning of the good tidings [euangelion] through him; and Asia resolved it in Smyrna."
The association of the term euangelion with the announcement of Augustus’ rule is clear enough and is typical of how this language is used elsewhere. To give another example, Josephus records that at the news of the accession of the new emperor Vespasian (69 AD) “every city kept festival for the good news (euangelia) and offered sacrifices on his behalf.” (The Jewish War, IV.618). Finally, a papyrus dating to ca. 498 AD begins:
"Since I have become aware of the good news (euangeliou) about the proclamation as Caesar (of Gaius Julius Verus Maximus Augustus)…"
This usage occurs also in the Septuagint, the Greek translations of the Jewish Scriptures. For instance LXX Isaiah 52:7 reads, “How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news (euangelizomenou), who publishes peace, who brings good news (euangelizomenos) of salvation, who says to Zion, ‘Your God reigns.'" Similarly, LXX Isaiah 40:9-10 reads:

"…Go up on a high mountain, you who bring good tidings (ho euangelizomenos) to Sion; lift up your voice with strength, you who bring good tidings (ho euangelizomenos); lift it up, do not fear; say to the cities of Ioudas, “See your God!” Behold, the Lord comes with strength, and his arm with authority (kyrieias)…."-NETS, Esaias 40:9-10

This consistent close connection between euangelion/euangelizomai language and announcements of rule strongly suggests that many of the initial hearers/readers of the early Christians’ evangelical language would likely have understood that language as the announcement of a new ruler (see, e.g., Acts 17:7), and, unless there is strong NT evidence to the contrary, we should presume that the NT writers probably intended their language to be so understood.
However, the other main way in which euangelion/euangelizomai language was used in the Greco-Roman world was with reference to battle reports, announcements of victory in war. A classic example of this sort of usage can be found in LXX 2 Samuel 18:19ff, where David receives word that his traitorous son, Absalom, has been defeated in battle. Euangelion/euangelizomai is used throughout the passage for the communications from the front.
As already shown throughout this post, the NT speaks of Jesus’s death and resurrection as a great victory over the powers that existed at that time and, most importantly, over death itself. Jesus’ conquest of the principalities and powers was the establishment of his rule and comprehensive authority over heaven and earth, that is, of his Lordship over all things (again, at that time).
This was the content of Paul's gospel message...

Justification, and the "New" Perspective on Paul

The following quotation is from The Gospel Coalition, and I believe it to be a decently accurate summary of the NPP (New Perspective on Paul), despite it being from a source which is in opposition to it:

The New Perspective on Paul, a major scholarly shift that began in the 1980s, argues that the Jewish context of the New Testament has been wrongly understood and that this misunderstand[ing] has led to errors in the traditional-Protestant understanding of justification. According to the New Perspective, the Jewish systems of salvation were not based on works-righteousness but rather on covenantal nomism, the belief that one enters the people of God by grace and stays in through obedience to the covenant. This means that Paul could not have been referring to works-righteousness by his phrase “works of the law”; instead, he was referring to Jewish boundary markers that made clear who was or was not within the people of God. For the New Perspective, this is the issue that Paul opposes in the NT. Thus, justification takes on two aspects for the New Perspective rather than one; initial justification is by faith (grace) and recognizes covenant status (ecclesiology), while final justification is partially by works, albeit works produced by the Spirit.

I believe what's called the "new perspective" is actually rather old, and that the Reformers' view of Paul is what is truly new, being that the Lutheran understanding of Paul is simply not Biblical.
The Reformation perspective understands Paul to be arguing against a legalistic Jewish culture that seeks to earn their salvation through works. However, supporters of the NPP argue that Paul has been misread. We contend he was actually combating Jews who were boasting because they were God's people, the "elect" or the "chosen ones." Their "works," so to speak, were done to show they were God's covenant people and not to earn their salvation.
The key questions involve Paul’s view(s) of the law and the meaning of the controversy in which Paul was engaged. Paul strongly argued that we are “justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law” (Gal. 2:16b). Since the time of Martin Luther, this has been understood as an indictment of legalistic efforts to merit favor before God. Judaism was cast in the role of the medieval "church," and so Paul’s protests became very Lutheran, with traditional-Protestant theology reinforced in all its particulars (along with its limitations) as a result. In hermeneutical terms, then, the historical context of Paul’s debate will answer the questions we have about what exactly the apostle meant by the phrase "works of the law," along with other phrases often used as support by the Reformers for their doctrine of Sola Fide (justification by faith alone), like when Paul mentions "the righteousness of God."
Obviously an in-depth analysis of the Pauline corpus and its place in the context of first-century Judaism would take us far beyond the scope of this brief post. We can, however, quickly survey the topography of Paul’s thought in context, particularly as it has emerged through the efforts of recent scholarship, and note some salient points which may be used as the basis of a refurbished soteriology.
[Note: The more popular scholars associated with the NPP are E.P. Sanders, James Dunn, and N.T. Wright. Dunn was the first to coin the term "The New Perspective" in a 1983 Manson Memorial Lecture, The New Perspective on Paul and the Law.]
Varying authors since the early 1900's have brought up the charge that Paul was misread by those in the tradition of Martin Luther and other Protestant Reformers. Yet, it wasn't until E.P. Sanders' 1977 book, Paul and Palestinian Judaism, that scholars began to pay much attention to the issue. In his book, Sanders argues that the Judaism of Paul's day has been wrongly criticized as a religion of "works-salvation" by those in the Protestant tradition.
A fundamental premise in the NPP is that Judaism was actually a religion of grace. Sander's puts it clearly:
"On the point at which many have found the decisive contrast between Paul and Judaism - grace and works - Paul is in agreement with Palestinian Judaism... Salvation is by grace but judgment is according to works'...God saves by grace, but... within the framework established by grace he rewards good deeds and punishes transgression." (Paul and Palestinian Judaism, p. 543)
N.T. Wright adds that, "we have misjudged early Judaism, especially Pharisaism, if we have thought of it as an early version of Pelagianism," (Wright, What Saint Paul Really Said, p. 32).
Sanders has coined a now well-known phrase to describe the character of first-century Palestinian Judaism: “covenantal nomism.” The meaning of “covenantal nomism” is that human obedience is not construed as the means of entering into God’s covenant. That cannot be earned; inclusion within the covenant body is by the grace of God. Rather, obedience is the means of maintaining one’s status within the covenant. And with its emphasis on divine grace and forgiveness, Judaism was never a religion of legalism.
If covenantal nomism was operating as the primary category under which Jews understood the Law, then when Jews spoke of obeying commandments, or when they required strict obedience of themselves and fellow Jews, it was because they were "keeping the covenant," rather than out of legalism.
More recently, N.T. Wright has made a significant contribution in his little book, What Saint Paul Really Said. Wright’s focus is the gospel and the doctrine of justification. With incisive clarity he demonstrates that the core of Paul’s gospel was not justification by faith, but the death and resurrection of Christ and his exaltation as Lord. The proclamation of the gospel was the proclamation of Jesus as Lord, the Messiah who fulfilled Israel’s expectations. Romans 1:3-4, not 1:16-17, is the gospel, contrary to traditional thinking. Justification is not the center of Paul’s thought, but an outworking of it:
"[T]he doctrine of justification by faith is not what Paul means by ‘the gospel’. It is implied by the gospel; when the gospel is proclaimed, people come to faith and so are regarded by God as members of his people. But ‘the gospel’ is not an account of how people get saved. It is, as we saw in an earlier chapter, the proclamation of the lordship of Jesus Christ….Let us be quite clear. ‘The gospel’ is the announcement of Jesus’ lordship, which works with power to bring people into the family of Abraham, now redefined around Jesus Christ and characterized solely by faith in him. ‘Justification’ is the doctrine which insists that all those who have this faith belong as full members of this family, on this basis and no other." (pp. 132, 133)
Wright brings us to this point by showing what “justification” would have meant in Paul’s Jewish context, bound up as it was in law-court terminology, eschatology, and God’s faithfulness to God’s covenant.
Specifically, Wright explodes the myth that the pre-Christian Saul was a pious, proto-Pelagian moralist seeking to earn his individual passage into heaven. Wright capitalizes on Paul’s autobiographical confessions to paint rather a picture of a zealous Jewish nationalist whose driving concern was to cleanse Israel of Gentiles as well as Jews who had lax attitudes toward the Torah. Running the risk of anachronism, Wright points to a contemporary version of the pre-Christian Saul: Yigal Amir, the zealous Torah-loyal Jew who assassinated Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin for exchanging Israel’s land for peace. Wright writes:
"Jews like Saul of Tarsus were not interested in an abstract, ahistorical system of salvation... They were interested in the salvation which, they believed, the one true God had promised to his people Israel." (pp. 32, 33)
Wright maintains that as a Christian, Paul continued to challenge paganism by taking the moral high ground of the creational monotheist. The doctrine of justification was not what Paul preached to the Gentiles as the main thrust of his gospel message; it was rather “the thing his converts most needed to know in order to be assured that they really were part of God’s people” after they had responded to the gospel message.
Even while taking the gospel to the Gentiles, however, Paul continued to criticize Judaism “from within” even as he had as a zealous Pharisee. But whereas his mission before was to root out those with lax attitudes toward the Torah, now his mission was to demonstrate that God’s covenant faithfulness (righteousness) has already been revealed in Jesus Christ.
At this point Wright carefully documents Paul’s use of the controversial phrase “God’s righteousness” and draws out the implications of his meaning against the background of a Jewish concept of justification. The righteousness of God and the righteousness of the party who is “justified” cannot be confused because the term bears different connotations for the judge than for the plaintiff or defendant. The judge is “righteous” if his or her judgment is fair and impartial; the plaintiff or defendant is “righteous” if the judge rules in his or her favor. Hence:
"If we use the language of the law court, it makes no sense whatsoever to say that the judge imputes, imparts, bequeaths, conveys or otherwise transfers his righteousness to either the plaintiff or the defendant. Righteousness is not an object, a substance or a gas which can be passed across the courtroom. For the judge to be righteous does not mean that the court has found in his favor. For the plaintiff or defendant to be righteous does not mean that he or she has tried the case properly or impartially. To imagine the defendant somehow receiving the judge’s righteousness is simply a category mistake. That is not how the language works." (p. 98)
However, Wright makes the important observation that even with the forensic metaphor, Paul’s theology is not so much about the courtroom as it is about God’s love.
Righteousness is not an impersonal, abstract standard, a measuring-stick or a balancing scale. That was, and still is, a Greek view. Righteousness, Biblically speaking, grows out of covenant relationship. We forgive because we have been forgiven (Matt. 18:21-35); “we love" because God “first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Love is the fulfillment of the law (Rom. 13:8, 10, Gal 5:14, Jam. 2:8). Paul even looked forward to a day when “we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad” (2 Cor. 5:10), and he acknowledged that his clear conscience did not necessarily ensure this verdict (1 Cor. 4:4), but he was confident nevertheless. Paul did in fact testify of his clear conscience: “For our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have had our conversation [i.e., behavior] in the world, and more abundantly to you-ward” (2 Cor. 1:12). He was aware that he had not yet “attained” (Phil. 3:12-14), that he still struggled with the flesh, yet he was confident of the value of his performance (1 Cor. 9:27). These are hardly the convictions of someone who intends to rest entirely on the merits of an alien righteousness imputed to his or her account.
Wright went on to flesh out the doctrine of justification in Galatians, Philippians, and Romans. The “works of the law” are not proto-Pelagian efforts to earn salvation, but rather “sabbath [keeping], food-laws, circumcision” (p. 132). Considering the controversy in Galatia, Wright writes:
"Despite a long tradition to the contrary, the problem Paul addresses in Galatians is not the question of how precisely someone becomes a Christian, or attains to a relationship with God….The problem he addresses is: should his ex-pagan converts be circumcised or not? Now this question is by no means obviously to do with the questions faced by Augustine and Pelagius, or by Luther and Erasmus. On anyone’s reading, but especially within its first-century context, it has to do quite obviously with the question of how you define the people of God: are they to be defined by the badges of Jewish race, or in some other way? Circumcision is not a ‘moral’ issue; it does not have to do with moral effort, or earning salvation by good deeds. Nor can we simply treat it as a religious ritual, then designate all religious ritual as crypto-Pelagian good works, and so smuggle Pelagius into Galatia as the arch-opponent after all. First-century thought, both Jewish and Christian, simply doesn’t work like that…. [T]he polemic against the Torah in Galatians simply will not work if we ‘translate’ it into polemic either against straightforward self-help moralism or against the more subtle snare of ‘legalism’, as some have suggested. The passages about the law only work — and by ‘work’ I mean they will only make full sense in their contexts, which is what counts in the last analysis — when we take them as references to the Jewish law, the Torah, seen as the national charter of the Jewish race." (pp. 120-122)
The debate about justification, then, “wasn’t so much about soteriology as about ecclesiology; not so much about salvation as about the church.” (p. 119)
To summarize the theology of Paul in his epistles, the apostle mainly spent time arguing to those whom he were sending letters that salvation in Christ was available to all men without distinction. Jews and Gentiles alike may accept the free gift; it was not limited to any one group. Paul was vehement about this, especially in his letter to the Romans. As such, I will finish this post off by summarizing the letter itself, so as to provide Biblical support for the premises of the NPP and for what the scholars I referenced have thus far argued.
After his introduction in the epistle to an already believing and mostly Gentile audience (who would've already been familiar with the gospel proclaimed in verses 3-4), Paul makes a thematic statement in 1:16: “For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.” This statement is just one of many key statements littered throughout the book of Romans that give us proper understanding of the point Paul wished to make to the interlocutors of his day, namely, salvation is available to all, whether Jew or Gentile.
In 1:16 Paul sets out a basic theme of his message in the letter to the Romans. All who believed, whether they be Jew or Gentile, were saved by the power of the gospel. The universal nature of salvation was explicitly stated. The gospel saved all without distinction, whether Jew or Greek; salvation was through the gospel of Jesus Christ. Immediately after this thematic declaration, Paul undertakes to show the universal nature of sin and guilt. In 1:18-32 Paul shows how the Gentile is guilty before God. Despite evidence of God and his attributes, which is readily available to all, they have failed to honor YHVH as God and have exchanged His glory for idolatrous worship and self-promotion. As a consequence, God handed them over in judgment (1:18-32). Paul moves to denunciation of those who would judge others while themselves being guilty of the very same offenses (2:1-5) and argues that all will be judged according to their deeds (2:6). This judgment applies to all, namely, Jew and Greek (2:9-10). This section serves as somewhat of a transition in Paul’s argument. He has highlighted the guilt of the Gentiles (1:18ff) and will shortly outline the guilt of the Jew (2:17-24). The universal statement of 2:1-11 sets the stage for Paul’s rebuke of Jewish presumption. It was not possession of the Law which delivered; it was faithful obedience. It is better to have no Law and yet to obey the essence of the Law (2:12-16) than to have the Law and not obey (2:17-3:4). Paul then defends the justice of God’s judgment (3:5-8), which leads to the conclusion that all (Jew and Gentile) are guilty before God (3:9).
Paul argues that it was a mistaken notion to think that salvation was the prerogative of the Jew only. This presumption is wrong for two reasons. First, it leads to the mistaken assumption that only Jews were eligible for this vindication (Paul deals with this misunderstanding in chapter 4 where he demonstrates that Abraham was justified by faith independently of the Law and is therefore the father of all who believe, Jew and Gentile alike). Second, it leads to the equally mistaken conclusion that all who were Jews are guaranteed of vindication. Paul demonstrates how this perspective, which would call God’s integrity into question since Paul was assuming many Jews would not experience this vindication, was misguided. He did this by demonstrating that it was never the case that all physical descendants of Israel (Jacob) were likewise recipients of the promise. In the past (9:6-33) as in the present (at that time; 11:1-10), only a remnant was preserved and only a remnant would experience vindication. Paul also argued that the unbelief of national Israel (the non-remnant) had the purpose of extending the compass of salvation. The unbelief of one group made the universal scope of the gospel possible. This universalism was itself intended to bring about the vindication of the unbelieving group (11:11-16). As a result of faith, all (Jew and Gentile) could be branches of the olive tree (11:17-24). Since faith in Christ was necessary to remain grafted into the tree, no one could boast of his position. All, Jew and Gentile alike, were dependent upon the mercy and grace of God. As a result of God’s mysterious plan, He would bring about the vindication of His people (11:25-27). [Note: It is this author's belief that this vindication occurred around 66-70 AD, with the Parousia of Christ's Church; this author is Full-Preterist in their Eschatology.]

Hi all,
So with the talks about upcoming adjustments to Crystal Legacy in the wake of the Yellow Legacy release I'd figure I would contribute with some of the moves, stats and misc changes I've noticed (and wished for) when playing the game. This is a lot of suggestions from my own personal taste but I have noticed a few inconsistencies as well that I've listed below. Maybe this could be of help to the developers now that they look at changes done in Yellow or as a base of discussion on this forum. Hopefully others can chime in with suggestions or themes that I've missed or argue why the additions below are good/bad.
It is mostly about increasing HM availability to smoothen out the gameplay experience (I love the Cut buffs but no matter what I do I always find myself with a bit of a conundrum when team building fitting a Cut user in. Never really liked wasting a move slot on a 50 BP move). I love how Legacy made it so that more than like 6 Water Pokémon could use Waterfall for example, or that Rock Smash is actually a good move. This is building on that. I've also noticed that there where massive learnset buffs in Gen 3 and I feel like loads of these would work well here without ruining the experience or balance.
Also, the change/addition I would like the most is a MOVE TUTOR for all the Gen 1 TM's. A lot of Pokémon would benefit massively from Substitute, Swords Dance, Explosion, Rock Slide etc etc and it would also make it so that you can skip a lot of complicated and time consuming breeding.
Anyways, here is the list. I've put the change in the middle column so that is a move that I feel would make sense if the Pokémon would learn, or maybe it is a move it did learn a generation or two later but did not in Gen 2.

Pokémon	Change	Motivation
Aerodactyl	HM04 Strength	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Aipom	Mega Punch/Dizzy Punch/Comet punch	Makes sense to get at least one punch by level-up when the tail is a giant fist and it gets all possible punches by TM.
Alakazam	Mind Reader	Makes sense thematically even though the move is kinda meh.
Arcanine	HM04 Strength	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Ariados	HM01 Cut	Makes sense with the Fangs doesn't it? Would also buff it's useability in a normal playthrough and benefit a lot from the Cut changes. As mentioned in the comments, Bite would also make a lot of sense with the Fangs.
Azumarill	Belly Drum by level-up	With that high HP, decent defense and happy smile and big belly it would both be a buff to get it more easily than breeding and kinda make sense.
Corsola	HM07 Waterfall	Should probably get all the Water-based HMs
Dewgong	Megahorn	Would maybe help it to differentiate from Lapras? Gets it in Gen 8.
Dewgong	HM04 Strength	Did learn it in Gen 1 but never again. Maybe add it back?
Dodrio	Jump/Double Kick	To be synchronized with Yellow legacy it should probably get 1 fighting move (Double Kick, Jump Kick or Hi Jump Kick). Also gets it in later gens.
Dragonite	HM01 Cut	Learns Fury Cutter but not Cut. Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Dragonite	Earthquake	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards. Could see it being extremely strong though.
Dugtrio	+10 ATT	Got its attack buffed in Yellow Legacy, but perhaps not needed here?
Dunsparce	Shadow Ball	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Dunsparce	Earthquake	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Espeon	Mind Reader	Makes sense thematically even though the move is kinda meh.
Espeon	Sun Stone evolution	Gets Morning Sun as a move. Would make evolution easier. Would be more aligned with other eeveelutions.
Farfetch'd	MANY	Needs a lot. Maybe get +10 to all stats as in Yellow Legacy or Attack buffed to 90 as in Gen 7. Maybe learn moves such as Wing Attack and Rock Smash? Buff the item held rate of Stick so it is more easily accessible? Move to an earlier route so it can be used early game at least?
Fearow	Sky Attack	Should probably learn the best flying move by either level-up or breeding.
Flareon	HM04 Strength	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 4 and onwards
Forretress	Earthquake	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Girafarig	HM05 Flash	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Golbat	HM02 Fly	Synched with Yellow Legacy and aligned with learnsets from GEN 4 and onwards
Golduck	HM01 Cut	Learns Fury Cutter but not Cut.
Golem	HM01 Cut	Learns Fury Cutter but not Cut.
Granbull	Earthquake	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Gyarados	Earthquake	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Hitmonchan	Earthquake	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards (IMO this doesn't really make sense to me but added it anyways)
Hitmonlee	Earthquake	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards (IMO this doesn't really make sense to me but added it anyways)
Hitmontop	Earthquake	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards (IMO this doesn't really make sense to me but added it anyways)
Hypno	Dream Eater	Should really learn Dream Eater as a level up move (it is the Dream Eater Pokémon after all).
Jolteon	HM04 Strength	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 4 and onwards
Jynx	HM05 Flash	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Kabutops	Dig	Gets Dig as an egg move but not as a TM?
Kangaskhan	HM01 Cut	Learns Fury Cutter but not Cut. Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Kingler	Dig	Gets Dig as an egg move but not as a TM?
Lapras	Earthquake	Gets it in Gen 9 (IMO this doesn't really make sense to me but added it anyways)
Ledian	HM04 Strength	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 4 and onwards
Lugia	HM05 Flash	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 4 and onwards and Ho-oh gets it.
Magcargo	HM05	Imo it really makes sense that a Pokémon with a flame on it should be able to light a cave.
Magneton	Spike Cannon	Maybe a stretch but let's pretend the Spikes are Screws? Would give it an extra STAB-move which could be interesting against Rock/Ground types that try to counter it?
Mantine	+10 HP	Got +20 HP in Gen 7 but +10 ATT in Crystal Legacy. Feel like a +10 HP alongside the attack buff would make it a bit more tempting to use as a special defensive sponge.
Muk	HM04 Strength	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Muk	Rock Smash	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Murkrow	Thief by level-up	Being a crow I feel like this makes sense thematically.
Nidoking	HM01 Cut	Learns Fury Cutter but not Cut. Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Nidoking	Megahorn	Perhaps very strong but makes sense thematically and aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Nidoqueen	HM01 Cut	Learns Fury Cutter but not Cut. Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Octillery	HM07 Waterfall	Should probably get all the Water-based HMs
Persian	HM01 Cut	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards and Yellow Legacy changes.
Persian	Thief / Fury Cutter / Attack buff (?)	Thief makes sense thematically as a level-up move. Maybe should get Fury Cutter too. Great speed but feels kinda lackluster in Attack when the crit-mechanic changed in Gen 2.
Pinsir	Earthquake	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Porygon2	Shadow Ball	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Primeape	Earthquake	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards (IMO this doesn't really make sense to me but added it anyways)
Qwilfish	Shadow Ball	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Rapidash	HM04 Strength	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Rapidash	Megahorn / Double/Jump Kick	Ponyta gets Double Kick but Rapidash should probably too, or a more powerful version. Megahorn would make sense as a late-game power move and it is aligned with later gens.
Rhydon	HM01 Cut	Learns Fury Cutter but not Cut. Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Rhydon	Megahorn	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards and makes sense thematically.
Seel	Encounter when surfing in Goldenrod?	Like seels outside bigger cities, could be a surf encounter to the west of Goldenrod? Would make it less of a "out of the way"-option than only being in Whirl Islands. A bit more tempting with the Dewgong buffs too.
Slowbro	HM01 Cut	Learns Fury Cutter but not Cut.
Slowbro	HM06 Whirlpool	Should probably get all the Water-based HMs (especially since Slowking does)
Slowking	HM01 Cut	Learns Fury Cutter but not Cut.
Slowking	Mind Reader	Makes sense thematically even though the move is kinda meh.
Stantler	Megahorn/Double Kick/Shadow Ball	It gets Megahorn in Gen 4. Double Kick in Gen 4. Shadow Ball in Gen 3. All make perfect sense thematically as well.
Togetic	Screens / Softboiled	Reflect + Light Screen would greatly improve on it's role as more of a utility/support-Pokémon. Softboiled because it is an egg.
Umbreon	Moon Stone evolution	Gets Moonlight as a move. Would make evolution easier. Would be more aligned with other eeveelutions.
Vaporeon	HM04 Strength	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 4 and onwards
Venasaur	HM04 Strength	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Venasaur	Earthquake	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Venomoth	Sleep Powder	Venonat get it at 36, but the evolution is at 31. I guess this is intentional but I'd rater see Venomoth get Sleep Powder as well without holding of the evolution.
Weezing	HM05 Flash	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Xatu	Shadow Ball	Aligned with learnsets from GEN 3 and onwards
Yanma	Steel Wing / Pursuit / Shadow Ball	Gets Steel Wing and Shadow Ball in Gen 3 and Pursuit in Gen 4. Pursuit especially makes a lot of sense as it is a Dragonfly which are excellent hunters and flyers. Would make it slightly more useable as its buffed attack is a bit wasted on its moves.

Kadillac Kirk had been a good friend of mine for several years. I had met him through friends from The Spring Stage; and he never had anything to do with The Imp, which is why he didn’t appear in the Married Mary saga. Mary would have totally thrown herself at him, and Kirk would have definitely “thrown it in her.” He loved the ladies and often remarked that there was no such thing as an unappealing woman, nor was there anything sweeter than finding the pearl of passion in an outwardly plain dame. Fortunately for Kirk, he never met Mary. This was probably fortunate for Mary as well, seeing as Kirk was a confirmed bachelor and his rakish nature might have broken her fat heart.
Kirk was an older guy. Not MOE old, though. He was in his early forties, but he easily passed for a carefree dude in his 30s... not that he lied about his age. I only mention this trait to juxtapose Kirk’s genuine youthful air with Moe’s unconvincing youthful farce. Kirk dressed normally, avoided stupid jargon, and never busted out gimmicks like tarot cards or spells. He just existed, behaved affably, and people liked him for it.
He drove a classic 1962 Cadillac El Dorado convertible with red leather interior, and he lived in a charmingly quaint (and ridiculously expensive) neighborhood. How he made his fortune remained a mystery, but he never bloviated about his wealth. He just threw spectacular parties and people showed up. And, to my knowledge, he never tried to lure women into bed with his money (although I’m sure he got his fair share of boom-boom thanks to his digs and his wheels, even if the gold-diggers denied their monetary agendas).
Kirk was legitimately handsome. He was a drummer, he had a full head of black hair, he was clean-shaven, he worked out, and he knew all the hidden gems in Wellsprings. So why hadn’t I tried... or even desired to date him? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel drawn to him like that. He felt like a cool uncle and he had, thus far, never done anything to change my perception. Plus, the age difference weirded me out a little. Kirk didn’t look forty; but knowing that he had so much more life experience than I did created a power imbalance that would have creeped me out if we’d been dating. As buddies, I just felt supremely cool riding in his Cadillac, smoking Fantasia cigarettes, and hitting the speakeasies and jazz clubs I would have never known about if it weren’t for Kirk’s connections.
And he had been a good person to talk to about my romantic woes. He never lecherously suggested that I should date him, and he gave the type of tempered advice that only comes with lived experience. But he often lightly mocked me for my crush on Dennis and he did a hilarious impression of Smegal popping too soon over his “precious.” So when Mary “got me back” by doing whatever she did with to Dennis, I called Kadillac Kirk and told him the drinks were on me if he’d be my designated driver for the night.
Why hadn’t I called Whisky??? Well, A) Kirk was way more fun to hang out with, at least from my past experiences up to that point. And B) I needed to bitch about a boy, something I couldn’t do in good conscience in front of a guy I was dating. So I put on the sexiest plunging halter dress I owned, applied heavy eye makeup and spikey accessories, braved a pair of stilettos, and sashayed out to Kirk’s convertible. I felt like a badass rock star. I probably looked like a try-hard hooker.
Kirk: Daaaaay-um! Somebody really did do a number on you, huh? I know you said you were upset, but the gents are gonna be writing thank you notes to that fat girl and that butt-fucking hobbit.
Me: I just need to feel pretty and numb. And I trust you to keep me from making a fool of myself.
Kirk squeezed my shoulder. “I’ve got you. You do whatever you need to do to get rid of these demons.”
He sparked up a J and offered me the first puff. I gladly accepted. He took one puff of his own, but said that the rest was mine since he didn’t want to drive stoned. See? He was responsible! Weed wasn’t legal in California yet, so I got a little bit baked before I stashed the sativa in the glove box and wrapped a scarf around my hair like a starlet from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Kirk sped out of the parking lot and said he was taking me to a downtown hotel that was hosting a party that night in their lush lobby.
Kadillac Kirk pulled up to the main entrance, paid the valet, and then opened my door. I was wobbly from the weed. And I had stupidly decided to wear heels. You can get high or you can wear high (heels). You can’t have both. Not if you’ve repeatedly injured both ankles (as I have). I had to take Kirk’s arm to keep from keeling over. “Can people tell I’m stoned?” I whispered. Kirk replied, “Nobody’s paying any attention to anyone else’s intoxication. I promise you that much.” I nodded, steadied myself, and strutted alongside my very cool friend, feeling a little more confident.
A live jazz orchestra was playing Cole Porter as we entered the lobby. Everything sparkled. The music was even more intoxicating than the spliff had been. “Just One of Those Things” brought tears to my eyes since the lyrics hit every raw nerve regarding the Dennis debacle. But I smiled. It might sound mental, but being distraught over a trash fire of a one-sided romance was exhilarating. Immature, for sure. But also exhilarating. You see, that kind of sadness doesn’t hurt. Not really. It stings. It leaves little bruises, but it’s very safe to wallow in because you haven’t actually lost anything. Melancholia over that which you never had is as sweet as it is bitter; and that type of twisted splendor is rivaled only by Stendhal.
“Here's hoping we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.” I sang along with the band, and a fat tear rolled down past my melancholic smile and onto my chin. Kirk brushed it aside. “Too close to home?” I wiped away the remnants of the tear’s journey from eye to chin and smiled a more genuine smile. “The perfect distance from home. Shall we get drinks? Remember, I’m buying.”
Kirk: No, no. This is your time to heal. And I’m here as your pal, not your chauffeur. What would the lady like?”
I pretended to barf. Kirk knew I hated it when he got overly formal and overly attentive. So he did it just to mess with me. “Shot of vodka,” I replied.
Kirk: How many?
I thought briefly. “FIVE.”
Kirk: Five to one, baby. One in five...
Me: No one here gets out alive.
Kirk: Are you able to hold yourself upright, or should you come with?
I took a seat on an ornate, damask-upholstered chaise lounge. “I’ll be okay. And I was kidding about the five shots.”
I sat there lost in the music for a while. I thought very little about Dennis. Even less about Mary. And not at all about Whisky (whom I had shagged less than a week ago). My mind danced through the ornate lighting in the hotel lobby, and I suddenly felt the need to join the hoity-toity guests on the dancefloor!
Kirk returned with four shots of vodka. Two for him, two for me. That was quite reasonable of him. He knew damn well that I couldn’t handle five shots, but he also knew that I was in a... state. One that called for more than a single shot. I raised a both miniature glasses to “No more ninnyhammers or hairy-footed lovers.” Kirk did his hilarious Smegal impression, we double-toasted, and downed the shots. The band launched into “Let’s Misbehave,” and I kicked off my stilettos and made a beeline for the dance floor.
“There’s something wild about you child that’s so contagious. Let’s be outrageous! Let’s misbehave.” Kadillac Kirk swept me up, twirled me around, and dipped me as we both sang along with the lyrics. I wasn’t swooning for him, but I was enthralled by the moment. The music, the dancing, the combination of booze and bud... so I kissed him as he pulled me back to my feet. And he kissed back. In a way that Dennis never had. In a way that Whisky’s beard wouldn’t permit. I didn’t feel the visceral sensations that I’d felt when Dennis had kissed me, but it felt nice to feel desired. And then I noticed that other guests were watching us and applauding. Now, that was a dopamine rush if ever there was one!
I gently broke away from the embrace, high-fived Kirk and returned to the chaise lounge to put my stupid shoes back on. He followed me and smashed his face back onto mine. I pulled away and laughed. “It was a moment,” I told him. “I appreciate the dance, and that kiss was the perfect finale. But it’s not happening again.”
Kirk: Not to worry, Valerie. I know you. I knew all along that we were performing, and I was more than happy to be your scene partner.
Me: And dance partner! Those were some excellent moves! I didn’t know you had ballroom training.
Kirk: You name it, I’ve mastered it. Another drink for the lady?
I pretended to barf again. “Not yet. I’m not sad right now. Do you mind if I just sit here and enjoy the music?”
Kirk: Ah. My kisses do have healing properties...
I flipped my hand up at him. “Knock that shit off, bro. I wanted to hang out with you because I trust you not to get weird. Even if I get weird, I know you have the maturity to balance me out.”
Kirk: Are you calling me old???
Me: No. I’m calling you rational, responsible, and respectful.
Kirk: Well, now. If you can articulate an alliterative statement that fluently, then you clearly aren’t drunk enough!
I dismissed this comment as a joke. And he did indeed knock off the flirtation. We had a perfectly pleasant time chatting and dancing (no more kissing, though). And then I noticed a girl I knew from Into the Woods entering the lobby. She’d played Florinda and I’d played Little Red. I called her name and waved enthusiastically. She waved back. And then her date entered. It was D.E.N.N.I.S. I sank into the chaise. Kirk caught on immediately. “The hobbit???” he asked. I nodded silently. “You wanna make out again?” he enthused. I shook my head. I had to go say hello to Flo. And I had an idea...
I crossed the lobby, smiled, squealed, and hugged her.
Florinda: Lil’ Red! It’s been forever! So glad to see you!!! This is my friend, Denny.
From the corner of my eye. I could see Dennis shifting uncomfortably. I refused to look directly at him, neglected to acknowledge Flo's introduction and continued to converse only with her. "So glad to see you, too! What have you been up to since we left the woods?"
Dennis: C’mon, Val...
Florinda (appearing oblivious to the iciness between me and Dennis): Oh, I had some drama after the show closed. I'll have to tell you about it some other time... Have you seen Prince Big Bad (Scumbanger) lately?
I laughed. “Last time I saw him, he was hitting on some nasty fat chick at The Imp.”
Flo and I both scoffed at the pervy pest. Into the Woods was where I’d initially met Scumbanger. He played The Wolf/Cinderella’s Prince. Again... typecasting. There’s a whole essay in my brain about my first encounter with the pest, during which he quoted the song that he sang to me in the show, “Hello, Little Girl.” But it gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory because he made me feel... excited. Well, excited and scared. Nothing of note happened during Into the Woods, but our odd interactions did kind of set the stage for some extremely regrettable events during that Cats cast party.
I excused myself, saying that I needed to get back to my friend. And then I leaned in and said in a hushed voice to Flo, “Watch your ass with that one. If he’s the Denny I’m thinking of...” I gave her a look that only another female would be able to read. Her eyebrows shot up and she nodded. Dennis continued to shift as though he were trying to hold in a massive dump. “BABE! Uh...”
Flo apparently answered to that moniker as well. “What is it, Denny? Don’t worry. That was just telepathic girl talk. You apparently have a reputation...”
Dennis: Different Denny. I assure you I’m a pious gentleman.
Me: Ah. My mistake. Well, then. You guys have a good time! They’re playing Cole Porter, and the band is delovely. Great to see you, Flo!
I hugged Flo again, gave Dennis a curt nod, ignored the scent of mandarins and mountain air, and returned to Kirk.
I collapsed on the chaise lounge, exhausted from holding back the rage. I had no right to be mad at Florinda. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so how was she supposed to know that I’d had a thing with Dennis? Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Dennis because the last time he and I had spoken in any meaningful way, I’d told him that I was no longer entertaining my crush on him. So why was I surprised to see him dating??? And why had he never taken ME out on a date like this??? And why wasn’t I smitten with Kadillac Kirk who HAD taken me out on a date like this, was an objectively excellent kisser, and a bona fide BALLER? What was wrong with me???
Kirk suggested going down the street to a quaint little bar and then sobering up at a diner closer to my apartment. I numbly nodded and followed him in silence for a few blocks. He assured me that I had “turned several heads” on the way to the new location, but I neither cared nor believed him. This wasn't the type of numbness I'd been aiming for. Now I needed to get schnockered. “Five shots of vodka, please.” Yes, I was serious.
Kadillac Kirk, my reliable designated driver, ordered only a beer and watched in something across between astonishment, concern, and delight as I slammed all five shots in rapid succession. I half expected to immediately retch all over the bar. But I felt fine. I half expected to immediately lose consciousness and wake up in the hospital. But I remained coherent. How I’d managed to take in that much hard liquor and suffer no direct consequences, I’ll never know.
I think I wanted to suffer. I wanted to either feel nothing at all or to feel a sickness bad enough to distract me from the scorching sting that pulsed through my being when I realized that I had lost the abstract notion I’d been addicted to this entire time. Hope. It wasn’t Dennis himself I couldn’t quit. It was that drug called hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe Dennis would give our romance a fair chance. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would make peace with himself, get his mind out of his crotch, and enjoy some agenda-free togetherness. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would stop bloviating about his admittedly impressive accomplishments for five fucking minutes and ask about my life. I had my own reasonably impressive accomplishments, even if they paled in comparison to his. A proper suitor would have enjoyed hearing about them.
But seeing him out with another woman, a woman who had no reason to parade her Dennis escapades before me as some means of revenge, a woman he was clearly courting of his own volition... My hope had died. It died before I’d had time to wean myself off it. Now I had to mourn the loss of hope, which is a very tricky brand of grief to navigate. Vodka wasn’t the answer, but it was what I had to work with. So it would have to do.
After enough time had passed without vomiting or collapsing, I asked Kirk to bring his car around to the bar so that I didn’t have to walk two and a half blocks drunk and in heels. He nodded and dramatically leaned in for a kiss. I recoiled. “DUDE! I told you. The moment has passed.”
Kirk: I beg your pardon. I misread your eyes. Thought I saw a green light...
Me: It’s fine. I just want to go home while I’m still feeling okay.
Kirk: Of course. Your chariot will be here soon.
He skipped off to fetch his Cadillac and I noticed that the lights in the bar were beginning to dance a bit. This should have been concerning. But then I realized that I was giggling. Wait... What? Oh shit. Sure, I was drunk from those shots. But what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t drunkery. It was stonery. Kirk probably misread my face because my pupils were dilated. Not from desire, but from drug use.
Some of you might be thinking that I was a bad friend for not introducing Lucy, an old dude connoisseur, to Kirk. Well... I did. Several years before the events of this story. He adored her. She, on the other hand, thought he was immature. And she wasn’t wrong. Lucy was astute when it came to sussing out a person’s true nature. Far more astute than I. Her initial assessment that Kirk was immature is about to be vindicated. Stretch those cringe muscles! It’s almost time for pie...
I somehow managed to get to his car. I honestly don’t recall how I got there. Did one of the bartenders carry me? Did some kind patron allow me to lean on him? Had Kadillac Kirk carried me out? I’m not sure. But my memory ceases to be fuzzy about halfway to the 24-hour diner. It might have been the very same 24-hour diner where Mary pulled her... shenanigans. I’ll never know.
Kirk: Would you say that you’re more drunk or more stoned?
Me: STONED. Definitely stoned.
Kirk made some sort of grunty noise and reached for my thigh. I slapped his hand.
Kirk: Stoned but not amorous? That’s rare.
I started laughing rather unkindly. “You’re a fucking horndog! I thought you were my safe straight male friend, dammit.”
Kirk: I solemnly swear that your safety is my primary concern, my stoned beauty.
I pretended to throw up.
Kirk: So... You’re not horny. But are you hungry? The diner I’m heading to makes this Maple Walnut Pie with the most sumptuous... sensual cream and exquisite drizzling of...
Me: Ew! Stop trying to bang the pie. Bro. Are YOU stoned? (Then I remembered the question.) Yes, I’m hungry. But I don’t like nuts. I’ll have banana cream.
Kirk made that repulsive grunty noise again. “Uhhhhh... Mmmmmm. Cream. Yessssss. Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute.” He was squirming in the driver's seat.
Me: GROSS, DUDE! If you’re gonna be like that I’ll just order HASH brows. Get it? Hash??? (I giggled.) You can’t make that sound nasty.
Kirk: Forgive my jokes. I think my blood sugar’s a bit low.
As Kirk parked, I began to wonder how I might get away with walking shoeless into the diner. The stilettos had to get off my feet. At least while I was walking. And Kirk was kind enough to give me his socks and wear his loafers “island style” into the establishment. Okay, that was gallant of him. Maybe he was going to behave himself for the rest of the evening.
I wasn’t terribly talkative as we sat down, and he expressed a bit of concern for my emotional well-being. I wasn’t coherent enough to explain what was happening to my emotions and I wasn’t sure I trusted him with my deep, dark secrets at that point. So I shrugged like a sulky teenager, ran my hands over my messy, windblown hair, and mumbled that I was “just hungry.” And right on cue, a very kind, slightly older waitress with a sweet southern accent stopped by to take our order.
Kirk: Ah, yes. We’ll have two cups of black coffee. And we’ll share a slice of that delectable Maple Walnut Pie.
Waitress: Oh, honey. That pie is scrumptious! I take it you’ve been here before?
Kirk: I have. This will be her first time to taste the splendor.
I hated to be a killjoy, but I interrupted and said to the waitress, “Ma’am? I’m sure the Maple Walnut is excellent, but could I please get a slice of Banana Cream? And a big glass of ice water?
Waitress: Sure, hon! Banana Cream’s just as yummy! I’ll be right back with those coffees and that big water.
Kirk was sucking on the tip of his forefinger and shaking his head a bit. “You’re passing up so many sensational... sensual...”
I put my forehead on the table and growled. “You swore you’d stop being nasty!” I held this #headdesk pose for quite some time before I finally lifted my head... only to see that Kirk was still sucking his fingertip and staring at me like a wild animal. “Pleeeeeease be normal,” I whined. “It’s been a really weird night for me.”
Kirk: Indeed. Many surprises. You know... You’re like titanium. Your flame burns so fast and so bright, if a guy doesn’t get in there while the iron is hot, he’ll never get another chance. I was too slow.
What the...? I was pretty sure he was wrong about titanium burning quickly. I’m no chemistry wiz, but my dad and my oldest brother are both big-brains when it comes to physics and chemistry. So I picked up some things just listening to them talk. Accurate or inaccurate, Kirk was being creepy again. He’d never been creepy towards me before, although I’d seen him act like this with other women. Usually with staggering success. Why????? His money. It had to be his money. Kirk was a nice-looking man, but holy shit... No amount of good looks could save this creep show
And then, our sweet waitress sat down our coffees, my water, and the two slices of pie. After I gulped down a whole bunch of water, I grabbed a fork, prepared to quell my munchies... and then I froze. Kirk was quickly flicking his finger back and forth across the top of his pie. And moaning. He noticed my wide-eyed stare, smirked, sucked the tip of his thumb, picked up the plate with both hands, and began flicking his tongue across the tip of the triangular pie slice. And moaning some more. Well, there went my appetite.
Kirk took his middle finger and jabbed it into the crustless vertex of the pie slice, then he began pumping it in and out like a piston, and flicking his thumb across the increasingly demolished top layer of whipped cream. He gasped this time. People were starting to stare. His pointer finger joined his middle finger in the piston action, and he replaced his thumb with his tongue. Between flicks of the tongue, he groaned, “Oh yeah, baby... Let me taste you,” but it was kind of hard to understand him.
And I was either about to run to the back office, tell them that I was in danger and needed a police escort home... OR I was about to burst out laughing at the spectacle. Kirk continued... He removed his fingers and gregariously licked pie filling off of them. "Ohhhhh," he groaned, "I got you soooo sticky. So sweet. So moist." And then he started sucking his fingertips again, switching from middle to pointer, middle to pointer and emitting a delighted little, “Mmmmmm” with every suck.
Finally, he jabbed his fingers back into the utterly destroyed pie, lowered his face into the mess and lapped loudly and passionately, moaning, grunting, and mumbling “Come on, baby. Come on. Mmmmmm. Come on.” I could see the waitress and some dude in a suit heading over to the table, so I sank down in my seat, partially covered my face, but continued to watch the train wreck. At last, Kirk shuddered violently as he splatted his entire hand onto the plate and rubbed furiously. And then he locked eyes with me. He sucked the tip of his thumb one final time and said, “You...” There was a long pause during which Kirk lovingly stroked the mess he’d made. “You... are the pie.”
I don’t hang out with Kadillac Kirk anymore. But he’s still a bachelor, ladies!

[ lengthy post ahead ]
Hello Be*, idk if you’ll ever see this but I’ll send it anyway. We met once at his birthday celebration. When we were still together. With the cheater I know he is, I knew he was eyeing for you since you are attractive. Without a doubt, I was mesmerized by your beauty as well, and I saw that as a chance to finally end that relationship. I joked with you pa nga "Gusto mo sa’yo na lang (ex ko)? Toxic naman yan e." That was true, yet I wasn’t wrong though. You ended up dating and even having a baby.
Fast forward to now, I came across your tiktok account, and there were no posts from you, just reposts from other accounts explaining the situation you were having—Cheating, living with a narcissist-pathological liar, and being emotionally, verbally, and mentally abused. I feel so sorry for you since I have experienced all you are going through. Don't get me wrong, I don't pity you; it's just that I wish you knew that I went through everything he made you feel while we were together. He was disrespectful to my parents and his mom, always came to our house at the middle of the night, intoxicated, and I was always afraid of what he would do if I did not accompany him because he had anger issues. The reason why I experienced trauma bonding with him. Idk, if he shared this with you, but we also had a baby.
That was our difference. You chose motherhood, I didn't. When I found out I was pregnant with him, we weren’t talking for a while (our whole rs was like that, on & off). Still informed him about it, and when he found out? he told me, "Mag-PT ka ulit, baka niloloko mo lang ako para bumalik ako." (ew) but I was afraid back then, so I did in front of him kasi akala ko gusto niya. I thought having a baby with him would change him, but it didn't. He still cheated on me despite knowing the fact that I was pregnant, so I decided not to continue my pregnancy because I had so many ambitions and couldn't risk them for someone who is incapable of loving. That includes both of us. I wasn't ready, and I couldn't imagine him being a good father to my child, nor could I because I didn't know how to love myself. Before that decision was made, a lot of “fixing” happened, I begged him several times, cried, and was still called insane while going through pregnancy just bc I was asking for assurance..
When I finally decided that there were no hopes for us, I finally blocked him everywhere and he was calling me thru his mom’s phone number— It was chaotic, and the only thing on my mind at the moment was that I needed to get rid of 'this' because my kid did not deserve what he was about to see, if he made it. I went to the OB alone and was terrified. I took three f*king PTs, and they were all as clear as water, indicating "positive". However, when they were checking up on me, the physicians informed me that they had trouble finding the baby's heartbeat. Yes, it was ectopic.
Am I a bad person if I felt relieved? Because I did. I was in anguish, too. I felt compelled to blame someone, and so I blamed it all on him. Ofc, he branded me "crazy" and had the audacity to say, "Kung di ka lang sana nag-isip nang nag-isip. Kasalanan mo yan!” After losing my kid, I never went back, but I still sobbed every fking day, wondering how in the world I could have met someone with no heart. I never even got an apology. Until December 202 (we were in no contact for 2 months, after losing my baby) he was following one of my best friends and saw me on her story, he sent my best friend a DM to introduce me to him again ‘para makabawi’ he said, I didn’t really understood what he meant by that, makabawi para sa nagawa niya? O para lokohin ulit ako? that’s when he began booty calling me again. I met with him while I was still in the process of moving on from everything and the trauma bond remained strong bc he told me he was sorry, that’s what I thought. I had no idea you were already with him at that moment, till the morning when he and I were still together, and saw that you were bomboarding his phone with messages and calls at 6 a.m. That’s when I knew. I saw myself in you. I went home feeling ashamed and disgusted with myself. Cried myself to sleep because I didn’t know anything, he fooled me once again. Worse, he made me his sidechick, something I wouldn’t even dream of becoming.
I’m sorry. I was about to confront you, but shame consumed me. I never intended to hurt another woman. But believe me, I never met him again despite of him sending me messages every now and then, despite the fact that I already blocked him everywhere & even changed my phone number, but still he asked where I was, if I was available, and anything else you can think of while you and him were together. The only thing I want from him is my money, which he owed me. Damn, I was so stupid.
But, anyhow, all I wanted to say was that while this may sound cliché, you did not deserve it, all the pain and self loathing. Scrolling over your reposts, I see you're also in pain because of your baby daddy. I am very sorry that you and your kid had to meet a monster. If you and him are still together and came across this, and the patterns remain the same. Do me a favor: get you your baby out of that boy's life because HE WILL NEVER MAN UP. I hope your find the strength to walk away because you don’t need someone who makes you feel unworthy of the right kind of love. You deserve a love you ought to give, and nothing less.
I assumed he told you about how I was the toxic one? Heck, I was. It's because he cheated on me several times, lied straight to my face after crying and running to me to come back over and over again, and still managed to hit up on girls while knowing I was pregnant. That’s what a narcissist does, I’ve had trust issues and anxiety as a result of him. In my perception, your existence was a blessing to me, it freed me from that situation. It was never easy, it really felt like I was going insane, bc how in the hell could someone do that to me— who had full of love in my heart, but shattered into pieces after offering a love that’s genuine. But I did, I was able to walk away and I hope you will too.
Girl, I sincerely hope that things will work out for you in the long run. Losing my angel, opened my eyes, and I pray it will do the same for you and your little one. I apologize if I also caused you pain. You deserve a love that is safe, calm, and at peace. Most of all, your baby do not deserve a father like that, you’ll both do fine on your own.
Please save yourself; no one will. I dodged a bullet, unaware that you would be the one to catch it. Please, just live even if it feels like dying; I promise you, it will be over shortly. Above all, prioritize your own well-being. We never deserved it; no one ever does. From woman to a woman, I am rooting for your healing, Mama. ❤️‍🩹