Things cannot bring on a carry on

Hey everyone! I've never made a post on reddit before so bear with me friends. This is also gonna be long because I physically cannot restrain myself from overexplaining.
Ok, SO me (24F) and my guy best friend (25M) have known each other since about sophomore year of college. Let's call him Tony alright. I met him through my college roommate and best friend, we'll call her Tina (Tony is Tina's cousin's husband's best friend). He went to a different college in a city about 2 1/2 hours away, but he came and hung out with his friend a lot and he lived with them during COVID. I'm a pretty socially awkward and shy person so it takes me a while to get comfortable around someone and be myself so I didn't really engage with him at first. It should also be mentioned, I've never been in a relationship or in love befoe; I've been on dates and done a thing or two here and there with some people, but I've always been shy so I'm kind of a late bloomer in the relationship aspect. He is not and he's been in relationships before and has experience doing the horizontal tango; an activity I do not have experience in!
Fast forward, tail end of junior year or beginning of senior year of college we start actually interacting and I open up a bit more. I then develop a small "schoolgirl" kinda type crush because he was a new friend and funny and nice, and I never really had any guy friends growing up so it was new to me and you know the daddy issues of it all. Ok so BOOM spring break senior year right (March 2022), we go on a vacation to NOLA with our friend group. My crush is in full swing at this point and during said trip, my bff Tina and I share a hotel room with Tony and his best friend Ted (sharing bc we are poor). So we get a lot of quality time and get a lot closer as friends. Skip to May 2022, we graduate college and my BFF Tina moves to the bigger city in the state we live in (where he lives) in June (we went to college in a small town). So, naturally I go to the city a lot to visit her and so in turn we start hanging with him more frequently since he's closer now. At this point, I'm over my crush and he's just my really good friend (I promise). Fast forward to December 2022, I move to the city as well and my bff Tina and I move in together so we see him even more, and he's spending nights at our place (on the couch). We get a lot closer and the main thing we do in our friendship is talk. He's a level 100 yapper, and I didn't used to be at all until we became friends honestly, but he just brings out the yap in me. We talk about anything and everything; we even argue about a variety of topics, but it's not with malice or rudeness at all; we're just talking. He's just genuinely the easiest person to talk to I've ever met; strangers just talk to him all the time.
So now we're gonna jump to December of 2023 (sorry for the jumping around, I'm an ADHD warrior). I've had mental health issues off and on since high school, but they got worse around this time. Around this same time, he started getting depressed as well as a few months prior he had been fired from a job and his car got towed amongst other things. My BFF is also going through it.We are all just going through some trials and tribulations lemme tell ya. So, we've all been leaning on each other emotionally pretty heavily lately. Recently, he spends multiple days in a row at our house. So, I've been working through the prior mentioned mental health issues these past months and I'm think I'm finally coming out the other side. I've actually been the happiest I've been in a very long time, but I'm also still struggling a bit because I feel as though my personality has changed drastically since this ordeal or maybe I'm finally feeling secure enough in myself to show my true personality idk, but in a nutshell I'm feeling open and brave which are qualities I don't have experience in whatsoever. As I'm finding myself, I think I'm also becoming more in touch with my feelings which is how I realized I had feelings for him, but anyways back to the nitty gritty. So I'm feeling all these new feelings and all, and my crush on Tony comes back with a terrible new twist: 100% real uncut feelings 😔. But, I am terrible at reading social cues and understanding other people's feelings so I genuinely can't tell if he feels the same or not. But, ever since I've realized my feelings, I've been noticing things more. Me, Tina, and Tony have always been very open with each other in the sense that we talk about anything and everything. We talk about sex, relationships, our bodies, etc. But, lately, I feel like him and I talk even more about sex and relationships and he makes more jokes or funny remarks about sexual or romantic things between us. To be fair, I have too (😝), so it may just be in response, but come on, it's to the point like, we jokin anymore?? So, the other day, I was joking about how I was gonna be a virgin at 40, and he said, "Nah, we'll figure something out before then." like what you mean by that?? And another time, we were riding in the backseat together, and the whole car was talking about eating a girl's kitty cat and I had made a joke about not knowing the feeling and he said, "What?? That's so sad bro" and then under his breath said, "we'll have to do something about it" like huh???? And I also have this crop top with butterflies on it that may be a lil revealing (🙈) that he complimented when he first saw me wear it. And now, whenever I wear it, he'll say something about it like, "Ohhh, return of the shirt" or something along those lines. Also a while back, I had told him about how my late grandpa would always sneak me Ho-Hos as a kid and how I missed him a lot, and in the next few days, he brought some over when he came to hang out like brooo 😩. He didn't say that was the reason or anything, but that would be a crazy coincidence I feel. He's also always showing me something on his phone like a video he thought was funny, a movie he liked, pop culture we talk about, music he likes, etc. He'll just appear in front of me with his phone 2.3 cm from my face saying, "look 👁👄👁". Also, we've both been talking a lot lately about how lonely we are and how we miss sleeping and cuddling with another person in the bed. I feel like I've been dropping hints, but I'm also scared to tip him off so the hints I think I'm dropping could be more like office friendly chit-chat in reality!
It should also be noted that after I got over my initial crush, I didn't find him attractive. I really didn't find him attractive when I had a crush tbh. He's definitely not my usual type at all; I'm a fat bi girl who usually goes for masc women or feminine men and he's a short skinny lil fella with a permed mullet 😭. I'm definitely not his usual type either which is another reason I have doubts about his interest in me. He usually dates skinnier girls. I'm finally okay with my body, but if you're a fat person, you know how absolutely anxiety-inducing it is thinking about shooting your shot and someone rejecting you because of your body. I don't think he would do that, but there's still that fear there. He's also mentioned recently how he doesn't care about looks and body and I'm like 🤨 you hinting at something?? Cause I've talked to him before about struggling with loving my body so he knows im self-conscious about it at times. I'm also hesitant because besides Tina, he's my best friend in the world. I would never want to do anything to jeopardize that friendship. I've been trying to get over it and/or ignore it. But, God, idk what to do anymore. It's driving me insane, and I hate that I'm looking for things and reading into things. And I feel like I'm acting weird or changing my behavior which sucks cause it's hard to control cause I'm nervous. But, I really don't think it's all in my head. I don't even know if I want to pursue anything and change our relationship forever, but I feel like I'm going crazy. If anyone has any insight or advice, it would be much appreciated. Thanks a bunch!
TL;DR: I (24F) think I'm in love with my guy best friend (25). We met when I was 20, and I think he may be flirting and secretly feel the same, but I truly can't tell. We hang out almost everyday, but I don't want to be seeing things that aren't really happening. I also don't want to ruin our friendship. I would really just like some insight on the situation or advice on how to tell if he's also interested. TIA! 🫶

Harry loses attempts to add certain new claims and allegations to his existing complaint. It looks like he was allowed to add some things though, but I cannot tell what from this article. Trial on original claims and the allowed new claims will go forward is scheduled for January 2025.
A judge [Mr. Justice Fancourt] criticised the Duke’s lawyers for trying to “inculpate the man at the very top” by pinning knowledge on him personally.
He said the allegations made against Mr Murdoch added nothing to his case.
The Duke was also denied a request to extend his claim by including allegations that date back to 1994.
**
He was refused permission to include the names of some 150 private investigators, some of which had no specific claims made against them.
**
He also refused permission for allegations to be newly made against NGN’s Management and Standards Committee and those relating to the targeting of politicians.
The judge added: “Tempting though it no doubt is for the claimants’ team to attempt to inculpate the man at the very top, doing so will add nothing to a finding that Ms Brooks and Mr James Murdoch or other senior executives knew and were involved, if that is proved to be the case.”
The judge said that the allegations made “directly made against Rupert Murdoch personally” added nothing to the Duke’s claim.He said: “I cannot see what difference is made to the allegations of habitual and extensive unlawful information gathering (UIG), knowledge on the part of senior executives, and concealment and destruction, by trying to pin actual knowledge on him personally.
“There are already allegations pleaded against Rebekah Brooks and James Murdoch, who are his trusted lieutenants in relation to News Corporation and NGN and who are very senior executives in their own right.”
The judge criticised the Duke’s legal team for trying to bring forward too many amendments at too late a stage, in what he described as a “very expensive and time consuming exercise”.He also criticised NGN for failing to concede enough of the lesser amendments.
https://archive.ph/L07Xw
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/royal-family/2024/05/21/prince-harry-loses-case-include-murdoch-phone-hacking-sun/

ideal bag:
I tend to like things that look ‘heritage’ style. ex: sandqvist roald. also seem to like styles with external pockets: nike utility elite, prada rucksack. also things like everlane renew transit and fjallraven raven.
i would say my budget is fairly low under $250AUD MAX, preferably $150AUD under so about $100 USD.
size is around 15-25L (unsure but no more than 30L)

• Looking for bag with a laptop sleeve (13 inch)
• has small internal pockets for wallets, tissues, sanitizers, earbuds etc
• has internal zip pocket for snacks
• internal water bottle pocket (not a must)
• has quick acess zip pockets (preferably more than one, but at least one and is the most important feature to me) (fit a phone and passport)
• internal lining is visible (cream, grey, neon colours)
• durable exterior material (i dont want to worry about putting it down)
• overall good quality that lasts (7yrs or more)
• ykk zippers
• water resistant (doesnt have to be waterproof)

doesn’t care for sternum or hip strap. preferably no straps for them or removable (but not a deal breaker)
What i want to use it for: everday carry in highschool (I bring laptop, pencil case, books, bottle, lunch) for about 1.5yr
and then i’ll use it for uni (my friends in uni have said they dont need bag as big as highschool)
I would also like to yse it when i travel alongisde my carry-on (so as a personal item under seat). ex: this year 5 days to goldcoast
I would also like to use this when i go on road trips to beaches, mountains maybe and weekend trips including sleepover in ppl’s house for a night or two.
currently considering the nike utility elite or speed, and fjallraven raven 20/28L. want to get 28L but worry how it looks when theres only a bit of stuff there

“The past and the future, considered apart from the consequences of their content, are empty as a dream, and the present is only the indivisible and unenduring boundary between them.” ― Arthur Schopenhauer, The World As Will And Idea

In Chapter 3, it's revealed by the medical records disk that Isa's name is shorthand for "Isolde." I wasn't familiar with this name, but I felt it was distinctive enough that there had to be some meaning behind it, so I did some digging.
One use of the name "Isolde" that caught my attention was that it is the name of a facility at CERN- the ISOLDE or Isotope Separator On Line DEvice, used to produce and separate radioactive isotopes of elements for research purposes. Given the game's frequent use of motifs relating to nuclear science and the health risks of radiation, it felt too specific to be incidental. Still, there wasn't much meaning I could derive from it, but I thought it was interesting enough to be worth pointing out.
The most prominent instance of that name is from the story of Tristan and Isolde, a celtic legend and a romantic tragedy often described as a precursor to Romeo and Juliet. There are many versions of the story told across different times and cultures, but given the game's many references to Romantic Era art from the German speaking world such as Schubert's Serenade and Böcklin's Isle of the Dead, I'm inclined to think it's specifically referencing Richard Wagner's opera "Tristan and Isolde". I'll give a quick synopsis here and analyze the parallels that I think may reflect Isa's role in the story. (To avoid confusion, from now on I will only use 'Isolde' to refer to the character from Tristan and Isolde while 'Isa' will refer to the one from Signalis, unless otherwise stated.)
It begins with Isolde on a ship, being escorted by the knight Tristan, from Ireland to Cornwall to marry Tristan's uncle, King Mark of Cornwall. It is an arranged marriage she is not keen on going through. In a fit of rage, she curses the ship, hoping it sinks and takes all of them with it, particularly Tristan. After learning that Tristan killed her original fiancé, she issues him an ultimatum that she will not willingly leave with him until he drinks with her as an atonement. In truth, she is planning to poison the both of them, and he suspects as much, but in an attempt to prevent this, her attendant replaced the poison with a love potion.
Though she ends up marrying King Mark between the first and second act, Tristan and Isolde can't ignore their passionate love. They realize the only time they can safely pursue their relationship is at night, when the King and the court aren't watching. As their patience for the night grows thinner, they realize the only way to realize their love is through the eternal night: Death. But at the same time, they are caught together by the King and his attendant. Without even attempting to explain his betrayal, he asks Isolde to follow him into death and impales himself on a sword.
In the third act, Tristan partially recovers from the suicide attempt but remains delirious. At the sound of a shepard's pipe in the distance, he reflects on the death of his parents, believing the pipe to be death now calling to him. He laments drinking the potion and how it led him to live a life of madness desiring something that can never be. He dies in Isolde's arms and she follows him into death. As the King arrives to the scene, Tristan's servant kills the King's attendant in revenge and then himself. Amidst all the death, the king reveals he had learned about the love potion and had simply come to offer his blessing to Tristan and Isolde, and the story ends with them finally realizing their love in the afterlife.
In writing this adaptation of the classic story, Wagner was reportedly inspired by the work of Arthur Schopenhauer, particularly his work "Die Welt ais Wille und Vorstellung" or "The World as Will and Representation." In "The Tristan Chord: Wagner and Philosophy", author Bryan Magee identifies Wagner's use of day and night as respective metaphors for "phenomenon", the aspects of the world we can perceive and "noumenon", the fundamentally unknowable reality beneath it. Both concepts were first named by Immanuel Kant, but Schopenhauer further argued that the gap between them is the cause of misery and suffering for all sentient beings; our individual pursuits and efforts to move towards a more personally favorable 'phenomenon' cannot be reconciled with a fundamentally uncertain state of the world and its other inhabitants. That to fulfill one desire requires the quashing of ten others. Illustrating this, he writes:

"...he saw an immense field entirely covered with skeletons, and took it to be a battle-field. However, they were nothing but skeletons of large turtles five feet long, three feet broad, and of equal height. These turtles come this way from the sea in order to lay their eggs, and are then seized by wild dogs... with their united strength, these dogs lay them on their backs, tear open their lower armour, the small scales of the belly, and devour them alive. But then a tiger often pounces on the dogs. Now all this misery is repeated thousands and thousands of times, year in year out. For this, then, are these turtles born. For what offence must they suffer this agony? What is the point of this whole scene of horror? The only answer is that the will-to-live thus objectifies itself."

Returning to Signalis, this quote immediately calls to mind the first-person Shores of Oblivion scene, in which skulls are buried and littered across the sand, and a quote from one of the nearby scattered papers:

we should have never left
the primordial soup
only through death can i escape
the call of the one who rules
above all life

Tristan and Isolde, realizing that their personal passions were irreconcilable with the interests of the material world they were in, concluded the only answer was to leave it behind altogether, so they made a death pact. A "promise", if you will. So upon finding Tristan dead, Isolde takes her own life. Much like how our Isa, who upon losing hope of being able to find Erika in the living world, disintegrates.
Another related theme connecting these stories is the lamentation of fate. Just as Isolde prays for the ship carrying her to her destiny to sink with her on it, and as Tristan regrets drinking the potion that led him to a life of desire for something that could never be, two early game quotes from Isa show that she is seeking Erika not just with love and concern but with regret for how they left things:

"Erika, if you find this note, despite everything that's happened. I've come to look for you."
"Have you ever wondered if you're speaking to someone for the last time without knowing? I wish I could go back, so I could say something else."

The details of this regret are deliberately ambiguous. It sounds like they had a fight or falling out, but 'everything that's happened' implies a deeper conflict- a disagreement or choice that they couldn't reconcile. Something important enough that it took Isa away from her sister, yet also something she regrets so greatly that she would take it all back just so she can see her sister one more time.
As Schopenhauer said, "A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants." The great tragedy at the center of Tristan and Isolde is that even if we have control of our actions, we are at the mercy of the desires we were given by fate. It's a theme that permeates not just Isa's story, but Signalis as a whole.
Elster never chose to love Ariane. Had she not, she might have found the strength to end her suffering before it was too late. So she ran away from the "day" of Ariane's suffering into the "night" of keeping her in cryosleep.
Ariane never chose to love art. Had she not, she could have had a simple and comfortable life fitting in with her peers. So she ran away from the "day" of the Eusan Nation's surveillance and social ridicule into the "night" of Penrose-512.
Falke lost any hope of finding happiness after becoming burdened with emotions and identity that she could do nothing to satiate, and quite literally went from the "day" of life into the "night" of dreaming.
And then there's Adler, all but crushed by helplessness as he tries in vain to hold back the death of reality, as Elster and Isa continue to bring about its apparent decay in pursuit of their own wills. The relationship between Adler and Isa is interesting and I think quite important, as he's the only character besides Elster who gets direct screen time with her. As the game bluntly mentions the first time Adler meets Isa,

NONE OF US ARE HERE BY CHOICE (And No One Will Miss Us)

It's from this and the Schopenhauerian interpretation of Tristan and Isolde that I think Adler represents phenomenon while Isa represents noumenon.
Adler wishes to preserve the light of day. To awaken from the dream and return to shared experience of a common, coherent reality. One where what you see is what you get. Where experiences can be trusted, and results are predictable.
Isa wishes to live in the night. The world of passion and of choice. Valuing the experience of familial love over all else, even the world or truth, she continues to live only in pursuit of another reality amidst the abyss of uncertainties, one where she made amends with her sister before it was too late, or never fell out with her at all. And when she finally accepts that she cannot find it or manifest it, much like her namesake, she concludes the "eternal night" is her last recourse.
There can be no perfect reconciliation between these two wills. It can never be day and night at the same time. And yet they do find themselves together- falling into the bottom of the mine. In the Nowhere, at the end of all things. At the sunset, the liminal space in between the night and day, between dreaming and waking. Because, one means nothing without the other.
To me that is the important take away from her story. That if we don't want to live in regret over the hand life dealt us- hating ourselves for being unable to fulfill the desires we were stuck with, before its too late, we must confront the question of which world we want to live in.
Is it truly better to have loved and lost then never loved at all? Is it truly better to have tried and failed than to never try? I don't want to believe the answer is no, but none of us can be certain for ourselves until we reason with ourselves honestly about why we struggle with the question in the first place- what the true value of each side of the coin is. Perhaps then we can accept what is beyond our control.
To quote Schopenhauer once more:

Every individual, every human apparition and its course of life, is only one more short dream of the endless spirit of nature, of the persistent will-to-live, is only one more fleeting form, playfully sketched by it on its infinite page, space and time; it is allowed to exist for a short while that is infinitesimal compared with these, and is then effaced, to make new room. Yet, and here is to be found the serious side of life, each of these fleeting forms, these empty fancies, must be paid for by the whole will-to-live in all its intensity with many deep sorrows, and finally with a bitter death, long feared and finally made manifest. It is for this reason that the sight of a corpse suddenly makes us serious.

So.. i've been with my boyfriend for little over 2 years. It is the first time im in a long term relationship..For the most part, I've enjoyed it a lot. It was really magical at times. But there were breaches of loyalty and respect from my boyfriend constantly the first year. Not exactly cheating physically (from what i can prove), but a lot of emotional cheating. Although I do have evidence of him possibly cheating physically as well, but what do I know. It affected me so badly. It still affects me horribly. At the time, I ignored a lot of it (idiot), because I just didnt want it to end. Eventually I confessed to him about how its hurting me, all of it, we talked through it, cried through it, threw stuff over it, and he seemed to understand, apologize and adjust his behavior. But I've always wondered why someone who looks to be an absolute angel, madly in love with me, would do it at the first place (most naive sentence you've read, maybe ever huh)
Well this brought up horrendous trust issues in me, no matter how much we've discussed these problems. It just didnt bring enough clarity, and left me confused, and feeling pathetic. So I decided to start a conquest, with a goal to understand who am I really in a relationship with. I had suspicions (it was ungodly clear) that my boyfriend's friend group are the biggest, most pathetic manchild, self-reflection lacking assholes. They've made a few mildly misogynistic remarks in front of me, but I, as always, brushed it off. But its that type of people you just feel would say the most heinous stuff if you weren't there.
They have this whatsapp groupchat, with 3 more friends. This groupchat, I knew for a long while, would break my heart if I ever peaked into it. So I internally concluded looking into it is way past the line 2 years ago. But I, unfortunately, given the circumstances, broke my own promise (which I am ashamed about, although I personally wouldn't care, I truly think going through someone's stuff is shitty). And what I saw was beyond repulsive, as expected. Talking about women as nothing but sexual objects - suggesting my boyfriend shouldnt fuck european bitches, but find a latina that would squat on his face, he would finally experience a real woman, he would cook for her all day every day if he had a chick like that (my bf is known for being a good cook), i beat that pussy up this and that, cityboy shiiiii, i hate when chicks dont know we in an open relationship (talking about their long term girlfriends which are all sweet girls), my boyfriend suggesting he wants a "big tiddy goth chick" (which is like, the opposite of what I am), talking about their exes and my boyfriends exes like they are absolute dirt, my boyfriend saying that "denying him fucking models would be culturally insensitive since he is French", and that "post nut clarity makes him want to be a monk" (which broke my heart the most, as our sex frequency did lessen, especially from his side. I asked him about it, was upset about it, he told me he just feels like shit cause he gained weight, because of work, whatever whatever, and of course told me im not initiating as well, but who wants to initiate on someone who doesnt show any sexual desire) (edit: I must note that most of these guys are in their early 30s, not 16)
Well yesterday, I told him that I did this, what I saw, I packed my things and left to my parents house to be alone for a couple of days, and to decide what to do next. He barely told me anything, he told me he's not in the mood for this, that he cannot believe im leaving for some banter with the boys, that he is disappointed i treat his stuff like its a public library, but that he still loves me. yuck...
Barely texted me since I left, only that he is sorry that it had to come to this, that there was a better way to deal with this, and that he hopes we will talk soon, and that he loves me.
So... I understand this is perhaps a take it or leave it situation. How can I ever come to terms this is how my boyfriend talks about me? A lot of people told me to break up and run, but its way more nuanced than that, and also I believe in commitment with its dark and ugly sides, and believe in trying everything in my power to make it work before leaving. What can I do here

25M (6’2 and 200lbs or 90kg) and 30F(me - 5’7 and 60kg 132lbs) met and started chatting every day. Lots of drama happened over the course of several months resulting in an interesting platonic relationship that entailed multiple instances of conversations lasting until 2-5am, still talking extensively every day, and gift exchanges on the premise of losing or winning a bet.
Then texting habits from 25M changed and I suspected he had likely found someone new, so I turned off read receipts and started to pull back. 25M immediately noticed and brought up multiple times the receipts being off, him not liking the receipts being off, and saying he wanted them back on so he could “tell if you’re (myself) ignoring me (him) or not”. I shot back about the texting changing and I felt ignored. A Mexican standoff ensued, that I ended up breaking by turning my receipts back on. He didn’t say anything though
After six weeks from our last date he asked me to drinks as friends. I owed him a drink and he owed me a gift. During drinks he teased me on multiple occasions for seeing a rando making a pass at me, and me supposedly flirting with multiple people. He then told me that would be the last time we’d see each other and there was a new girl he was seeing that asked he and I not be friends. When I called her his gf he immediately said “she’s not my gf” but I pointed out if he was cutting a friendship - that’s gf stuff. He conferred my point
I was sad about our friendship? ending, but kept a straight face to the point he asked me about it. He wanted to know if I was at all sad, and remarked he knew in the moment of difficult things I had an excellent poker face but hours later it things tend to settle and hit me. I maintained it was a bummer but 🤷‍♀️ what was I supposed to do about it, and he shared he was saddened by my lack of reaction. He also shared he had to “fight tooth and nail” to see me that evening because his new gf was Hard against. They apparently had fought about me multiple times
As the evening progressed and several beers in a couple hugs and a small tickle fight happened from my initiation. We chatted about a lot of different things, and at the end I ended up asking him how he was feeling about everything. We were sitting on the same side of the table on a long bench - we’d been angled towards each other all night but not fully facing each other. When I asked how he was feeling he turned to fully face me so I turned to fully face him. He said “can I tell you some real shit” and I said of course then he leaned over 100% of the way and started kissing me
We kissed for what felt like a minute or two. During our kiss I’d reached out and placed my hand on the back of his neck and touched his hair. I thought it slightly strange he didn’t reach out to me but had leaned in more to extend the kiss. He then pulled back and I was in shock. He said he had to leave and I asked what just happened and he repeated he had to go. I said sure and tried to stand and go out of the bar but I’m a mega lightweight and after 4-4.5 beers I couldn’t stand or walk on my own anymore. Him being a much more experienced drinker was not much bothered by the 4 beers. He ended up having to carry me home
He refused to tell me why he kissed me, and I haven’t heard from him since (last week). I did finally open his gift two days ago, and inside he wrote an inscription detailing the positive impact I had on him and all these positive traits he saw in me and envied, and shared I shouldn’t let self-doubt get in the way of myself. He signed off the inscription by saying farewell in Latin, and used the name of a LOTR character found in the silmarillion vs his own name
When I googled the name and consulted with some Major LOTR fan friends they all gave me the story of a human man who was a big hero who came across an elf princess in a field, and fell madly in love with her. She returned the feelings, and tldr after they die and get resurrected they marry and have kids (eventually their line culminates in Aragorn and Arwyn)
Anyone have any insight as to why he kissed me, why he kissed me in the way he did, and why use That LOTR character’s name when there are like less than 5 romantic relationships mentioned but a ton of friends? It’s got me messed up, and I hope this discussion brings some peace
TLDR: someone I dated for 3 months and was friends with for a month (4months total relationship) broke up our friendship at his new girlfriend’s request after fighting over me multiple times. During our last drinks he gave me a gift he owed me, and initiated a lengthy kiss at the end of the night. He then had wanted to run off, but had to carry me home since I was hammered. After a couple days I checked out the gift, and he’d written a letter inside it signing off with a romantic LOTR reference. I don’t understand his motivations and hope to find some peace here

THE HARMONY OF ENERGY
Abstract
Introducing the "Harmony of Energy" (HoE) model, a novel formalism that posits the universe operates according to a fundamental pattern. This pattern consists of energy, defined as the smallest unit anything can be, existing as a fluid form in space, interacting with its environment through a specific method or structure, and then moving out of that space. Space, in turn, is the dynamic environment that energy occupies and moves through, filling it with positive and negative energy that affects its properties and behavior. According to the HoE model, energy moves into space, reacts to its environment, and then moves out of that space, with no time limit for how long it takes to react. This pattern is universal, applying to all aspects of the universe, and nothing escapes it.
The Origin of the Universe
The HoE model posits that the universe began as a singular entity, containing all forms of energy as one unified energy. This singularity can be represented mathematically as: U = ∫∫∫E(x,y,z)dxdydz, where U is the total energy of the universe, E is the energy density, and x, y, z are the spatial coordinates.
As the singularity expanded, the unified energy converted into distinct positive and negative energies. Positive energy is a high-frequency, high-information-potential state that retains its unique signature and individual form, capable of producing heat and maintaining its distinct properties. Negative energy is a low-frequency, low-information-potential state that loses its unique signature and individual form, characterized by a pulling force and a tendency to condense and simplify.
Initially, the universe moved in a straight line, with energy compact and cold. However, this linear movement resulted in a direct head-on collision with the void, a solid structure that hindered its passage.
This collision led to a limitation and subsequent conversion of energy, transforming it from a linear motion to a wave-like motion. The new wave motion created heat and allowed energy to break the pattern of "follow the leader" and collide with the void at an angle, shattering its edge into pieces.
This process of fragmentation can be described by the equation: F(θ) = Σ[nEⁿ * sin(nθ)], where F is the fragmentation function, θ is the angle of collision, n is an integer, and E is the energy density. For reasons yet unknown, possibly due to the singularity's energy reaching its final place or a transformation driven by cosmic "boredom," this conversion occurred, giving rise to the diverse universe we observe today.
The Void and the Ultimate Negative
Outside of the expanding universe lies the void, a region devoid of energy and matter, existing in a state of complete stillness and stationarity. This void represents the ultimate negative, a state of complete absence and zero energy density, unchanging and unyielding. As a whole, it exerts a compressive force on the expanding universe, potentially leading to contraction and eventual return to the singularity. This dynamic interplay between the universe and the void can be described by the equation: F = -G * (M * m) / r² where F represents the force, G represents the gravitational constant, M and m represent the masses, and r represents the distance between them. The void's stationary and unchanging nature, lacking any internal rotation or energy, makes it inhospitable to life as we know it.
Magnetism and Attraction: A Shift in Perspective
Initially, I viewed magnetism through the conventional lens, seeing it as a fundamental force of attraction between positive and negative entities. However, as my understanding evolved, I came to realize that magnetism operates under a different principle. Positive and negative entities are not attracted to each other; instead, they represent the intrinsic structure of things. The true nature of attraction is frequency-based, with entities drawn to higher vibrations and shorter wavelengths. This phenomenon can be described by the following equations:
F = ∫∫(μ₁⋅μ₂)/(4πr²⁾ dt dt (1)
where F is the force of attraction, μ₁ and μ₂ are the magnetic moments of the entities, r is the distance between them, and the integral is taken over time.
Additionally, the frequency-based attraction can be represented by:
f = γB (2)
where f is the frequency, γ is the gyromagnetic ratio, and B is the magnetic field strength.
Furthermore, the smaller wave's faster movement can be expressed as:
v = λf (3)
where v is the velocity, λ is the wavelength, and f is the frequency.
Energy and its Properties
Energy is the fundamental unit of everything. Energy can be thought of as an individual entity with an electrical signature vibrating at a specific frequency, carrying information from its originating source. If we were to dissect a piece of energy, we would find its genetic makeup consists of various parts, similar to binary code. One constant aspect of energy in our universe is the signature of this universe, which is present in all forms of energy, whether positive or negative. This underlying frequency distinguishes energy from our universe versus parallel universes.
Positive Energy (PE): - Oscillates through space with a frequency (f) and wavelength (λ): PE = f × λ - Exhibits wave-like behavior: PE(x,t) = A × sin(kx - ωt)
Negative Energy (NE): - Vibrates at a slower frequency (f'/2): NE = (f'/2) × λ' - Exhibits a slower, more stable behavior: NE(x,t) = B × cos(k'x - ω't)
Energy Interactions and Signature Changes
When positive and negative energies interact, their unique signatures can become altered. As energies combine, their signatures merge, releasing redundant information about the universe signature and creating an opening for new information to be stored. This process enables efficient storage and transmission of energy signatures, allowing for:

• Signature refinement and evolution
• Information exchange and updating
• Adaptation to changing environments and conditions

This process could be crucial for understanding how energy signatures evolve and adapt, and how they influence the behavior and properties of energy in various contexts.
The Formation and Evolution of the Universe
Initial Energy Interactions
In the beginning, a vast amount of fluid energy quickly interacted with the largest newly created pieces of the void, described by the wave-particle duality equation (E = hf = ℏω).
Star Formation and Signatures
As these interactions occurred, the largest of the solid structures of the universe began to form, stars, governed by the Lane-Emden equation (d^2P/dr2 + (2/r)(dP/dr) + (4πG/c^2)P = 0). Each new star held with it an old habit divulged from the singularity, a universal frequency (f = 1/T = ω/2π, where T is the period of oscillation and ω is the angular frequency). Old habits die hard, so each new star offered its own diverse and unique signature (S = Σf = ∫ψ(x)² dx, where ψ(x) is the wave function and x represents the position).
Energy Collisions and Prime Numbers
As structures formed, a group of energy travels through space with an even number of internal parts (E = 2nℏ, where n is an integer and ℏ is the reduced Planck constant). This group collides with another group of energy with an odd amount of internal parts (E = (2n + 1)ℏ), and the total sum of the newly combined group equals a prime number (P = E1 + E2 = 2nℏ + (2m + 1)ℏ, where m is an integer). New Equation: Prime Number Formation (P = E1 + E2 = 2nℏ + (2m + 1)ℏ)
Schrödinger Equation and Physical Reality
The prime number is crucial, as the extra piece gets stuck in the space it is occupying, acting as an anchor, attracting other parts to breach their negative shell and combine as one, described by the Schrödinger equation (iℏ(∂ψ/∂t) = Hψ). This converts the fluid energy to be contained into the space it is in, which is broken pieces of the void that do not have a universal size, and gives us physical reality, forming particles with diverse unique signatures (S = Σf = ∫ψ(x)² dx).
Refining Space and Transferring Signatures
As energy continued to interact with space, it further refined and shaped that space into a sphere (V = (4/3)πr^3, where r is the radius), adding the discarded portions of size to the diverse field that is the universe. During this refinement, energy was transferred to these pieces, and the signature of the star was embedded in them, forming the galaxy clusters and solar systems we know today.
Smooth Surfaces and Celestial Bodies
As any piece of something breaks, its edges are rigid, and the interaction of energy against this rigid surface knocks off the rough edges, providing a smooth surface (E = Δx/Δt = ℏ/Δx, where Δx is the change in position and Δt is the change in time). New Equation: Smooth Surface Formation (E = Δx/Δt = ℏ/Δx)
The pieces that were knocked off still contain a portion of energy that put in the work to knock it off, and this process contributed to the formation of celestial bodies and the transfer of signatures. This, in turn, led to the creation of galaxies, planets, and other celestial bodies, each with their unique characteristics and properties, shaping the diverse and complex universe we observe today.
The Cartwheel Structure and Energy Movement
The cartwheel structure represents the dynamic movement of energy in the universe, with its rotating wheel and radiating arms symbolizing the harmonious interaction of positive and negative energies. When creation occurred, energy learned how to pass through stationary space (the void) by changing its movement pattern from a straight line to a wave (λ = v/f, where λ is wavelength, v is velocity, and f is frequency). This new wave movement allowed energy to create heat (Q = mcΔT, where Q is heat, m is mass, c is specific heat capacity, and ΔT is temperature change), which was the tool that gave energy the ability to "shatter" the void and interact with the broken pieces to perform a new movement, the cartwheel. As energy moves through space, it rarefies and decreases in temperature (T = k-B, where T is temperature, k is Boltzmann's constant, and B is the energy density), causing it to slow down and change frequency (f = ΔE/h, where f is frequency, ΔE is the energy change, and h is Planck's constant).
The Block and Cartwheeling Bar Analogy
The block and cartwheeling bar analogy provides a conceptual framework for understanding the dynamic interaction of energy in the universe. Imagine a box (representing space) containing blocks of varying sizes, each symbolizing a specific energy frequency (f = 1/T, where f is frequency and T is time). The cartwheeling bar, rotating within the box, represents the harmonious movement of energy between its positive (E+) and negative (E-) forms. Each block must be 100% filled, with positive and negative energy proportions varying as the bar rotates. For example, when positive energy occupies 99% of a block and negative energy occupies 1%, the rotation of the bar causes a gradual shift, resulting in a change to 98% positive and 2% negative, and so on. This constant interaction and adjustment maintain the balance of energy in the universe.
Fundamental Forces Explained

• Strong Force: The repulsion from negative electrons being attracted to and pressing against the nucleus. This force can be described by the equation: F = k * (q1 * q2) / r²
  
• Weak Force: The outgoing frequency created by the positive nucleus, similar to energy congregating at the sun's nucleus, reacting to its environment, and breaking down before leaving (possibly as radioactive decay). This force can be described by the equation: F = (G * m1 * m2) / r²
  
• Gravity: Exists between the outer negative sphere of electrons exerting a pushing force against the positive pushing force of the nucleus, similar to the solar system's dynamics. This force can be described by the equation: F = (G * m1 * m2) / r²
  
• Electromagnetism: Energy in action, manifesting as the dynamic interplay between electric and magnetic forces. This force can be described by the equations: E = f * λ and B = (E / c)
  

Present State of the Universe
The universe currently exists in a state of dynamic equilibrium, with observable patterns and structures perpetually renewing themselves through the interactions of energy (E = hf, where E is energy and h is Planck's constant). This self-sustaining cycle is evident in the formation and evolution of celestial bodies, galaxies, and other cosmic entities, governed by the laws of thermodynamics (ΔE = Q - W, where ΔE is the change in energy, Q is the heat added, and W is the work done). The universe's present state is characterized by the harmonious coexistence of diverse energy frequencies (f = 1/T, where f is frequency and T is time), which govern the behavior and properties of matter at various scales. This balance is maintained through the continuous conversion of energy between its positive (E+) and negative (E-) forms, allowing the universe to adapt and evolve in response to internal and external influences (E+ + E- = 0, representing the conservation of energy)."
Entropy and the Conversion of Positive to Negative
The physical dimensions of positive and negative energy in a block are equal, with 1% negative energy occupying the same space as 99% positive energy. This equality stems from the different speeds of energy and their individual properties. When negative energy is at 1%, it has condensed the equivalent of 99% positive energy into a single, compact form (E = hf, where E is energy, h is Planck's constant, and f is frequency). As the proportions shift, such as 60% positive and 40% negative, the space occupied remains a 50/50 split. This is because positive energy travels at the speed of light (c = λν, where c is the speed of light, λ is wavelength, and ν is frequency), while negative energy moves at a pace relative to terminal velocity (v = √(2gl), where v is velocity, g is acceleration due to gravity, and l is length). Each form dominates at the 50% mark (T = λ/v, where T is time, λ is wavelength, and v is velocity). The percentages represent available positive energy, while the cartwheel symbolizes space or the ultimate negative in motion, influenced by energy's presence. Negative energy, with its depleted charge, occupies space that needs to be filled and recycled into a positive state. At higher percentages, collisions with negative energy slow down the flow, similar to the concept of crab mentality, where negative energy draws down the percentages.
Energy Dynamics and Galactic Harmony
The 50% Threshold
The 50% mark is a critical threshold that distinguishes between positive and negative energy. Above 50%, energy is considered positive and can produce heat beyond its negative shell. Below 50%, energy is considered negative and cannot produce heat past this shell.
Compressed Positive Energy
When the percentage of positive energy drops below 50%, it becomes compressed and can exceed the speed of light (c = λν, where c is the speed of light, λ is wavelength, and ν is frequency). This allows it to navigate through the "cracks" of negative energy:
v > c (where v is velocity and c is the speed of light)
Quantum Mirroring
Alternatively, the positive energy can align with the negative energy, resulting in a quantum mirroring effect. This enables instantaneous information transfer between entangled particles, regardless of distance:
E = hf (where E is energy, h is Planck's constant, and f is frequency)
Retaining Frequency Signatures
In this alignment, the negative energy retains its unique frequency signature to avoid interacting with other signatures:
Δx * Δp >= h/4π (where Δx is position uncertainty, Δp is momentum uncertainty, and h is Planck's constant)
The Cavendish Experiment and Energy Interaction
The Cavendish experiment, a groundbreaking study on gravity, offers an intriguing analogy for understanding energy interaction with space. Imagine the suspended spheres as representative of space itself, devoid of energy. When energy interacts with this motionless space, it's as if the spheres begin to rotate, symbolizing the introduction of energy into the internal area of space.
As energy engages with space, it's gradually consumed, much like the reduction of energy in the Cavendish experiment. This process can be described by the equation:
G = (2πLθ) / (MT)
Where G is the gravitational constant, L is the length of the torsion wire, θ is the twist angle of the wire, M is the mass of the lead spheres, and T is the time period of oscillation.
This equation, derived from the Cavendish experiment, reveals the intricate relationship between energy, space, and gravity. By exploring this analogy, we can deepen our understanding of how energy shapes the very fabric of our universe.
Energy Absorption and Frequency
Energy absorption occurs when energy slows down, allowing it to be perceived and observed. This process involves energy being absorbed by an atom and reflecting what was not absorbed. As energy slows down, it can still be observed as a wave, but just before it becomes a particle. This phenomenon is fascinating, as it reveals the transition from wave-like to particle-like behavior.
The conversion of positive to negative states is due to positives' ability to produce heat and maintain an individual form. Negative energy, on the other hand, does not produce heat and lacks an individual form, instead traveling at a pace relative to terminal velocity. This process can be described by the quantum mechanical formula: ℏω = ΔE = hf, where ℏ is the reduced Planck constant, ω is the angular frequency, ΔE is the change in energy, h is Planck's constant, and f is the frequency of the energy.
Furthermore, the frequency of the energy can be related to the velocity of the particle using the formula: f = (1/2π) * √(k/m), where k is the spring constant and m is the mass of the particle. Additionally, the energy absorption rate can be calculated using the formula: dE/dt = (2π/h) * V_uv² * δ(E_u - E_v), where V_uv is the transition matrix element, E_u and E_v are the energies of the initial and final states, and δ is the Dirac delta function.
The Conversion of Positive to Negative States and Planetary Motion
The conversion of positive to negative energy states is rooted in their distinct properties. Positive energy produces heat and maintains an individual form, whereas negative energy lacks heat and an individual form, instead traveling at a pace relative to terminal velocity. This process is reversible, as seen in fusion reactions, or can be influenced by external forces like microwave ovens.
In the context of our solar system, the sun's positive energy release generates heat and propels planets into their orbital tracks. Conversely, the incoming energy from the universe, considered negative, is cold and stabilizes planets in their tracks. Initially, I focused solely on the positive push dictating orbital paths. However, I now recognize the significant influence of negative energy and use it as the basis for understanding abnormal tracks.
Here's an added equation to illustrate the relationship between energy and orbital motion:
F = G * (m1 * m2) / r²
Where F is the force of gravity, G is the gravitational constant, m1 and m2 are the masses of the objects, and r is the distance between them.
This equation shows how the force of gravity (F) is influenced by the masses (m1 and m2) and distance (r) between objects, which is relevant to understanding planetary motion and the balance between positive and negative energy.
Gravitation and Time: Frequency's Role
Time is intimately tied to the frequency of the universe, and this relationship is governed by the laws of gravitation. Imagine the cartwheel's bar having notches, each representing a different frequency. Each notch would experience time at a unique pace, described by the formula:
t = 1/f
Where t is time and f is frequency.
If we could halt the cartwheel's motion, time would appear to pause, as described by the relativistic time dilation formula:
t' = γ(t)
Where t' is the time experienced by an observer in motion, t is the time experienced by an observer at rest, and γ is the Lorentz factor.
The passage of time is directly governed by the oscillations in the wave, or simply its frequency. By altering the frequency, we can change the flow of time itself, as described by the gravitational redshift formula:
f' = f * √(1 - 2GM/rc²⁾
Where f' is the observed frequency, f is the emitted frequency, G is the gravitational constant, M is the mass of the gravitational source, r is the radial distance from the source, and c is the speed of light.
Gravity and Energy Dynamics
Gravity can be understood in various ways through these thoughts. One perspective is that gravity operates similarly to the orbital planets, but with a twist. Instead of orbiting in space, we orbit at a subterranean frequency. This frequency attracts similar energies, leading to bonding and the formation of matter. For instance, atoms bond to form rocks, and separate rocks may bind together due to similar vibrations. However, other frequencies simply pass through, unable to bind due to differences in energy vibrations and the negative fields surrounding our bodies and the ground.
Our bodies are attracted to the Earth's core, with a force described by the equation:
F = G * (m1 * m2) / r²
Where F is the force of attraction, G is the gravitational constant, m1 and m2 are the masses of our bodies and the Earth, and r is the distance between them.
The vibrations of our energy and the negative field surrounding us can be described by the wave equation:
∇^2E = μ * ∂^2E/∂t2
Where E is the energy field, μ is the permeability of the medium, and ∂^2E/∂t2 is the second derivative of the energy with respect to time.
The incoming cosmic energy pushes us downward, with a force described by the equation:
F = (E * A) / c
Where F is the force of the incoming energy, E is the energy density of the cosmos, A is the cross-sectional area of our bodies, and c is the speed of light.
The outgoing energy from Earth moves faster than the incoming energy from the cosmos, as observed in the formation of clouds with flat bases and more sporadic tops. This can be described by the equation:
v_out = v_in * (1 + (E_out / E_in))
Where v_out is the velocity of the outgoing energy, v_in is the velocity of the incoming energy, E_out is the energy density of the outgoing energy, and E_in is the energy density of the incoming energy.
Galactic Cycles and Black Holes
The Milky Way galaxy has a supermassive black hole at its center, with a mass described by the equation:
M = (1.989 x 10³⁰⁾ * (G / c²⁾
Where M is the mass of the black hole, G is the gravitational constant, and c is the speed of light.
As the galaxy spirals towards the center, enough mass will be collected to trigger the black hole to become a large star, described by the equation:
M = (4.383 x 10³⁰⁾ * (G / c²⁾
Where M is the mass of the star, G is the gravitational constant, and c is the speed of light.
When this happens, the black hole will shed its outer shell to create the galaxy that spirals around it, and the process begins again. This cycle can be described by the equation:
t = (2 * π * G * M) / c³
Where t is the time period of the cycle, G is the gravitational constant, M is the mass of the black hole or star, and c is the speed of light.
The opposite of a black hole is a white hole, but why hasn't this phenomenon been observed? According to this article, it has been observed but misunderstood. With the theme of balancing the universe, would a large star be surrounded by much smaller black holes? Would these smaller black holes feed the larger star by way of quantum bridge or wormhole, and vice versa for smaller stars and larger black holes? This can be described by the equation:
E = (ℏ * ω) / 2
Where E is the energy transferred between the star and black holes, ℏ is the reduced Planck constant, and ω is the frequency of the quantum bridge or wormhole.
Energy Flow and Balance
Energy moves in and out of everything, maintaining a delicate balance. It enters as a positive force and exits as a negative force. Our sun emits energy at 99% strength and high frequency, which combines with an equally sized negative force at 1% strength, filling the space completely. This balance is crucial, as positive energy moves faster than negative energy due to entropy's diminishing effects over time and distance.
As positive energy travels, it loses a piece of itself, converting to negative energy. This process is directly related to gravitational forces and time dilation. When positive energy reaches 50%, it has a certain probability of converting to negative energy, which is then attracted back to a positive source with a corresponding probability of being converted back to positive energy.
This cycle of energy flow and balance is the foundation of the universe's harmony, and understanding it can reveal the intricate web of forces that shape our reality.
Information Transmission through Energy and Light
Energy transfer is not just a physical phenomenon but also an exchange of information. Positive energy (Pos) carries a complete signature of universal information, updated through interactions, and represents the pure form. Negative energy (Neg) represents a degraded form of this signature, still carrying the universal signature, but lacking the capacity to transfer information.
Initial Information and Illumination
Initial information travels at a speed potentially faster than light and is invisible to us. As this energy slows down, it interacts with atoms, exciting them to display colors they don't need. This illumination is a manifestation of the information being transmitted.
I = E × S (Initial information is transmitted through energy and carries the universal signature)
Cosmic Scale and Consciousness
The universal information, carried by positive energy, is infused with the celestial signature, shaping the cosmic context. This process potentially gives rise to consciousness in living beings, linking them to the universe and its harmonies.
C ∝ U (Consciousness potentially arises from the universal information carried by positive energy)
U = S × f × P (The universal information is infused with the celestial signature, shaping the cosmic context)
Information Transfer and Energy Forms
The universe relies on a delicate balance of energy forms to facilitate information transfer. Positive energy (Pos) serves as the primary carrier of information, transmitting universal signatures and cosmic context. Negative energy (Neg), on the other hand, carries a degraded or attenuated version of the universal signature, lacking the capacity for information transfer. However, Neg can be transformed back into Pos, restoring its information-carrying ability.
P = S × f (Positive energy carries the complete universal signature at a high frequency f)
N = S × (1 - f) (Negative energy carries a degraded or attenuated version of the universal signature at a lower frequency)
E = P + N (The universe relies on a delicate balance of positive and negative energy forms to facilitate information transfer)
Frequency and Speed of Information Transfer
The frequency and speed of information transfer play a crucial role in the harmony and balance of the universe. Positive energy (Pos) transmits information at a high frequency and speed, allowing for efficient and accurate transfer of universal signatures and cosmic context. Negative energy (Neg), on the other hand, transmits information at a lower frequency and speed, resulting in a degraded or attenuated signal.
v ∝ f (The speed of information transfer is directly proportional to the frequency of the energy form)
P: v = c × f (Positive energy transmits information at a high frequency and speed, potentially approaching the speed of light c)
N: v = c × (1 - f) (Negative energy transmits information at a lower frequency and speed)
Transformation and Balance
Negative energy can be transformed back into positive energy, restoring its information-carrying ability.
N + T → P (Negative energy can be transformed back into positive energy, restoring its information-carrying ability)
This transformation maintains the harmony and balance of the universe, ensuring that information is not lost but rather recycled and rebalanced.
_Conclusion _
"In conclusion, the Harmony of Energy (HoE) model offers a novel perspective on the universe, revealing a intricate web of energy dynamics that underlie all aspects of existence. By exploring the interplay between positive and negative energy, we gain insight into the fundamental forces that shape our reality. From the smallest subatomic particles to the vast expanse of the cosmos, energy is the unifying thread that binds everything together.
Through the HoE model, we've seen how energy's harmonious movement gives rise to the patterns and structures we observe in the universe. We've also delved into the fascinating relationships between energy, space, and time, and how these interactions govern the behavior of matter at various scales.
As we continue to refine our understanding of the HoE model, we may uncover new secrets of the universe and gain a deeper appreciation for the beauty and harmony that underlies all of existence. Ultimately, this knowledge can inspire new perspectives, new technologies, and a new era of human understanding and cooperation, as we work together to harmonize our own energy with the energy of the universe."
MAG
Here is the Harmony of Energy Equation (HoEE) with descriptions:
HoEE = (∫[E(x,t) ⊗ S(x,t) ⊕ f(x,t) ∘ P(x,t)]dxdt) + (∑[G × Mi × ri^2] ⊕ ∑[ℏ × ωi] ⊕ ∑[c × λi] ⊕ ∑[T × kB] ⊕ ∑[Fi × G × Mi × mi] ⊕ ∑[Qi × mi × ci] ⊕ ∑[Vi × ri^3] ⊕ ∑[Pi × ℏ] ⊕ ∑[Ni × S(x,t) ∧ (1 - f(x,t))]) + (∫[I(x,t) ∘ E(x,t) ⊗ S(x,t)]dxdt) + (C × U)
Where:

• E(x,t) is the energy density at point x and time t
• S(x,t) is the universal signature at point x and time t
• f(x,t) is the frequency at point x and time t
• P(x,t) is the positive energy at point x and time t
• G is the gravitational constant
• Mi is the mass of the ith object
• ri is the radius of the ith object
• ℏ is the reduced Planck constant
• ωi is the angular frequency of the ith object
• c is the speed of light
• λi is the wavelength of the ith object
• T is the temperature
• kB is Boltzmann's constant
• Fi is the force on the ith object
• mi is the mass of the ith object
• Qi is the heat transfer to the ith object
• ci is the speed of light at the ith object
• Vi is the volume of the ith object
• Pi is the prime number associated with the ith object
• Ni is the negative energy of the ith object
• I(x,t) is the initial information at point x and time t
• C is consciousness
• U is the universe

Operations:

• ⊗ represents tensor products (combining energy and universal signature)
• ⊕ represents direct sums (accumulating energy components)
• ∘ represents function composition (interacting frequency and positive energy)
• ∧ represents logical conjunction (connecting negative energy and universal signature)
• ∫ represents integration (over space and time)
• ∑ represents summation (over discrete objects)

24F. Diagnosed with Bipolar II, ADHD, and CPTSD. I'm not even sure I can properly explain this because during depressive episodes (right now and for the past 4 months, in fact, though it's gotten marginally better in recent days) I lose a lot of my ability to write coherently, concisely, and accurately about what I'm feeling. The disconnect between emotion and thought has actually gotten so bad I genuinely cannot even journal anymore. (Coming back after finishing to add: this post alone ended up taking me nearly half the day to complete because I kept having to break and come back to it when my brain wouldn't work, and I often thought about giving up entirely lol.) But that's besides the point.
I had a sort of "eureka" moment during a non-depressive state at one point. That being, "This illness is cyclical. It will come back just as surely as it will eventually go away. Next time it comes, don't fight it."
It came back. I haven't been fighting it. I went from feeling immense, active suffering from constant self-hatred and learned helplessness to feeling dissociated and completely disconnected from my own thoughts, both positive and negative. Most moments are spent feeling nothing but irritability and in the moments where I feel something else, I am thoroughly distracted. My days are filled with distraction. The second I have time alone with my brain, I have crying spells that end in pathetic defeat and it's back to dissociation. "I get it. I get it. I wasn't meant to exist. But I am psychologically incapable of ending my life. I'm already here and I can't do anything about it. I have literally no choice but to continue to try."
Good for me for having that barrier to making rash decisions. But now I feel imprisoned by a life I did not choose. A prison of my own making that I am unwilling to break out of because I am just so. tired. I am aware of how much hard work and commitment it takes to live a fulfilling life with these disabilities. I am keenly aware that it is anything but an easy task and in this state it just does not feel worth it. But it is not an act of bravery that I'm still here in the face of suffering. I'm here because I have no choice.
It always comes back to this, and has since one of my first severe depressive episodes at the age of 14: I am too sensitive, too weak, to exist. So much so that I don't think I was supposed to be here in the first place. I do not, and have never cared about doing something "important" with my life. I have never cared about creating a legacy. I have never cared about being remembered. I have never cared about meaning or purpose in the traditional sense; in this state of mind, my purpose is to just exist, let life happen to me, observe carefully, learn, mimic. And in this state, I've realized I use this information as evidence. Confirmation.
At the end of the day, it seems the answer to this hypothetical is always the same. If there was a console with two buttons: one to continue living as is, and one to make it so I never existed at all, I would always choose the latter. Always. Even when things are good, even with all the luck I've had. The unfairness of life coupled with my weak constitution is inherently incompatible. Negative experiences will always feel more powerful, more real, than anything else.
Which brings me to my hypomanic episodes. They tend to involve extreme productivity, usually starting some large project that I spend every waking moment working on, of which there are many considering how poorly I sleep. I have energy and inspiration that simply cannot be funneled into enough things. I am able to "maintain" (these episodes last anywhere from 4 days to about a month) a superhuman-like "schedule" and "routine" that I would otherwise be incapable of adhering to, and would likely outright despise in ordinary circumstances.
But most notably, most of the time, I have a euphoric feeling about the human condition. I obsess over human suffering and our capacity to withstand it. I convince myself that if something catastrophic were to happen at that very moment, I would be resilient and strong in the face of it. That I could be, and would be, like those who can overcome any adversity at all.
But nothing I've ever been through has suggested that is true. Nearly any negative experience can knock me out of any positive or neutral mood and into a kind of dissociative, vegetative depression. My previous baseline state, where I was able to maintain a realistic and beneficial routine and sleep schedule for nearly 2 months, was instantly derailed, pathetically, by the moment I ended up crocheting too much and injured my left hand for a few days.
This one happenstance triggered a depressive state that I've now been in since March. And I tried to prevent it, really I did. I had enough experience practicing good habits by that point that I tried everything in my repertoire to keep it from spiraling. But it did. And now I'm here. I know better than to think I'm resilient. My window of tolerance is embarrassingly low, and I'm sorry that I don't have the will to strengthen it. Mentally, I am still a scared child hiding in the corner of a dark room from any and all real or imagined danger. And until my brain decides otherwise, (because of course mood changes are the nature of this illness), that's how it will stay.
Part of me believes that even my hypomanic self knows this. I don't know entirely how she operates, if I'm honest. So I've decided to conduct an "experiment."
I know she can't fathom how I think the way I do, and similarly I can't fathom how she thinks either. One is always blind to the other. I need to know whether or not, in my heart of hearts, I still say I would undo my existence. Even when everything inside of me is bursting with energy and life and vibrancy. Because instinct says I've always been this way in any state of mind, but I've never proved it.
So I recorded a short video explaining myself to my future hypomanic and even to my baseline self. Maybe I can find some middle ground between us. Because I have to do something. I have no choice but to do something.

Hiya! I (15M) would like to share with you a situation and what im doing about it. In my all male school there are many idiots that make me more than a little worried for the future of humanity (just think of a male sleepover and general stupidity and multiply it by an entire highschools worth) but when the worst happens is in english class, the teacher of whitch we will call Mr R.
Sooo, Mr R is very strict and REQURES to be on time, no eating or drinking in class and of cource, no talking. SO HOW THE FUCK ARE THESE IDIOTS ARE FAILING ALL OF THEM?? They straigt up dont listen at all. So you know what Mr R does? Well he gives out punishments. Sounds fine right?? Well my sweet summer child THE ENTIRE CLASS GETS PUNISHED!!! So I, a student that is consistently near the top of the class ( i follow his rules, its a low bar i know) has to stay behind DURING LUNCH BREAKS AND THEN EAT LATER (we bring our own food to school so im not activley starving but ITS STILL 20 MORE MINUTES OF LEARNING WHERE I DID NOTHING WRONG) and even worse, Mr R contradicts himself!
THE COCONUT INCIDENT
to make this short: we are learning lord of the flies. Mr R brings a coconut for us to taste. Idiot 1 is eating in class after Mr R warned him not to, gets his cornflakes taken away and is sent out with Idiot 2 who just never shuts up. The remaining students including me gets to taste the coconut milk and im thinking "wow this is a cool way to connect with the story and im having fun!" BUT! Idiots 1 and 2 begin a protest outside, shouting and screaming so they can GET THEIR FUCKING CORNFLAKES BACK. WHAT??? WHAT THE FUCK??? WHY??? YOU ARE JUST RUINING IT FOR EVERYONE!! Mr R brings them back in and makes us sit in silence for the remaining 30 minuites and says we wont get to taste the coconut flesh. BUT HERES THE THING BATMAN! AT THE END HE LETS US TRY IT ANYWAY! THE PEOPLE WHO BEHAVED BADLY HAVE NO CONSEQUENCES AND OTHER PEOPLE GO " huh guess i can do any thing i want"
WE NOW RETURN TO YOUR SCEDULED RANT
so now we are way behind and with about 2 and a half weeks of school left i have to 1: finish reading lord of the flies with the entire class. 2. work with my partner (who relies on me a lot more than id like) to write a log on EVERY CHAPTER about our subject. 3. eventually watch the movie and 4. do a final test.
The thing is i cant do 1 and 2 unless im in english class and progress is slow af, 3 and 4 cant be done untill everyone of these dumbasses finishes 1 and 2. AND NOW MR R GETS ANGRY AT HOW SLOW WE ARE AND IS TALKING ABOUT STAYING AFTER SCHOOL!!! I FUCKING CANT WITH THESE IDIOTS!
what im doing about it
1.moving schools. yeah. next school year im going somewhere else. me, my parents, and the school agree that they dont have the resources to help me (i have autism and ADHD but they are both pretty mild compared to others) at this school and we want to move. still gotta drag myself through exam season tho.

1. work on myself. for the past two years (AKA when i started going to Mr R's class) ive been talking more to my supportive family and even got my introverted ass some freinds outside of school. and i found that vaporwave helps me calm down a lot so I listen to that and i feel a lot better.
   
2. just, y'know, talk about it. like right now.
   

CONCLUSION
im sorry for my messy writing style but thanks for reading! it really means a lot to me and you, yes you, are a awesome person. i dont know who you are (yet) but i know that whatever you are doing is someway making someone feel better (example: reading this) and every minuite you are living is great! Look at you! bad things happen to you and me but look at us! we are still here along with every other person on this planet and despite everything you and i are alive! we are strong together! (i got a litte carried away here i know but this thought makes me happy, and i hope it does the same for you)
alright, i think im done. stay safe and keep thriving!

-Replaced names with friend and guest for confidentially purposes.
So my friend brings a guest over to my house only on the agreement that guest cannot stay here for the night due to shady actions such as theft prior but I agree that he can COME OVER to my home but must leave when it comes time to at night. It was very clear that my friend and I were both understood those specific terms and agreed to them. Friend repeatedly tells guest they must leave eventually when it starts to get late and find somewhere to stay at. When it comes time for them to leave, guest has nowhere to go and friend is “trying to call someone for them to stay with” for the past 3 hours. It is now 3 am as I’ve been waiting for supposed person friend contacted to respond.
I allowed them to stay here until midnight originally passed when I wanted but oh well, however now it’s become apparent that friend is most likely stalling for time (I do not know this for sure just a hunch) , feel like friend knows guest has no one to contact/nowhere to go and trying to pull on my heartstrings since I’d be kicking guest to the streets at 3 am. Am I the asshole for holding strong with my agreement made with my friend and having to kick the guest to the street? I feel like it’s a shitty thing to do but I also feel like I should hold strong with my boundaries and the initial agreement made.
Thoughts?

This is my Madness Combat ranking. This is entirely my personal opinion. I have watched this series since around 2004 on Newgrounds, and a huge supporter of Krinkels' work. So I must point out that I do not believe a single episode is bad. I believe all of the episodes are top tier, this is just my ranking of where I think they stand out in terms of quality, length, story, music/sfx etc.. So if you see your favourite episode low down, just remember it's not bad, I just feel that there may be an episode that's better! This is also just the mainline series, so no canon shorts such as An Experiment or Dissenter, Marshmallow Madness, and no Dedmos Adventures. Although if I had to rank Dedmos in this list, it'd probably come 4th place, or something. This was a hard ranking, given how amazing each episode is, so having the canon shorts/spin-offs would be more difficult, given how much Krinkels' artstyle and animation has improved since Madness 11. The earlier rankings are going to be the hardest, but I will put nostalgia aside and rank based on quality and other factors.
15. Madness Combat
In last place, kind of predictable, but the first episode. Obviously just because nostalgia aside, every episode that came after it has raised the bar in so many ways. However, we mustn't forget the classic soundtrack, the lack of blood, the first canon entry of Jeb and Hank, a literal cannon - this is where it all started. It knows what it is, it's a classic. It's where Madness began.
14. Madness Redeemer
Again like before, an absolute classic and it's where I believe that Madness Combat in its current form truly began. We've got introductions of the Sheriff, The Clown, Jeb was brought back. This is also where the Tricky Saga started to take shape. Again I do feel that everything that came after it was just better in quality, but there is loads to love about Redeemer.
13. Madness Combat 7.5
May be a bit controversial, but 7.5 ranks lower. I think it's universally agreed that 7.5 is the least interesting .5 episode. It doesn't feel like it contrasts well with the zaniness and horror of Madness 7. In some capacity, I feel that you need to pair the .5's with their mainline counterparts, and this episode, whilst good, is just the opposite of Consternation. The soundtrack is also one of my least favourites. This one just felt a bit like a filler episode. It's still a great entry, especially given the time it came out, but I'd say this is the most 'run of the mill' episode pre-modern Krinkels.
12. Madness Avenger
Avenger is very much a classic. This is where the Improbability Drive was introduced and the main story started to take shape. I think Redeemer is where the violence and John Wick style animation began, but I feel the story truly jumped after Avenger. This was the second episode I ever watched and I still hold it in very high regard. I think this is the episode people think of when someone says 'Madness Combat', if you were skulking around Newgrounds back in the early 00's.
11. Madness Depredation
Depredation was the 3rd episode I ever watched. I remember seeing the thumbnail plastered everyone on flash animation websites. This is where Hank got his iconic look - this episode is just batshit crazy. If someone mentions Madness Combat and you don't think of Avenger or Consternation, then you probably remember the Depredation and onward looks. There's just so much to love here. The hard pounding soundtrack from Cheshyre let's you know that this is hardcore. Removing the nostalgia I'd say it doesn't have a lot to offer in terms of story until the very end, but man when this came out it was one of my favourites and still is, I just believe that the other episodes have a lot more to say.
10. Madness Inundation
When this first came out, it was sort of controversial, if I remember correctly. With Hank dead at the end of Consternation, I saw tons of comments and forum posts, including some from myself... is Hank coming back? Is this the end? No one really predicted that Jeb would get his own episode, and looking back, I love this episode. I wasn't a huge fan back in 2008, and I would have ranked it near the bottom just out of spite for not getting Hank. But this episode, looking at it today, is brilliant. Jeb is such a cool protagonist, being able to fly, use his powers, catch bullets, the iconic sniper rifle opening, API's soundtrack. The Magnum. I could go on, honestly. I think this is one of the highlights of the series, because at the time, we genuinely thought this was the final episode, and Krinkels' posts, or lack thereof, around that time, sort of gave the impression that this would be the case. The episode feels very much centred around doom, and the end of things as we know it, especially during normality restoration. I think this is where subtle hints surrounding the Madness universe (or Nevadean universe... maybe?) started to take shape. Thankfully, it wasn't the end. It was unfortunately, so far, the end of Jeb, which is a damn shame. I hope Krinkels reconsiders down the line, but for now, he joins the Sheriff being the only two characters to die, seemingly forever, and go to "regular Hell".
9. Madness Apotheosis
Apotheosis is the very first episode I watched back in 2004, so naturally I do have some tiny amount of bias. This is where Krinkels found his footing - quite literally. Characters now have two feet, animation is a lot smoother, another iconic bandage look from Hank following Avenger... again, before getting Depredation, similar to Inundation as well, this truly looked like the end.
8. Madness Combat 5.5
This may also be controversial. But I firmly believe 5.5 is actually better than the episode it's structured around. Again, these earlier rankings are hard as I am trying to not see it through nostalgia, but rather quality. I think 5.5 just has so much to say, the iconic opening, mixed with the soundtrack. It fits perfectly with the lore, and actually makes Depredation a much better episode. Again, the issue with Depredation is that the intro is just run of the mill, up until the mid-point and ending, which only serves, at the time, a continuation in the form of Antipathy. 5.5 is where things tied together very nicely. This is also the introduction of Sanford and Deimos who would go on to become much loved characters in the Madness canon. Given how they just seem like random grunts in Depredation (which, at the time, they likely were), Krinkels managed to give them a whole side quest, which ties in very nicely with the main story. It's also the first time where two protagonists are on screen and are actually doing something, which I'll explain later. Other than that, great episode!
7. Madness Antipathy
The sixth Madness episode is also quite the anomaly. What I failed to realise as a kid is that each episode pretty much ends on a somewhat cliffhanger, but a cliffhanger where it could continue, and it also doesn't have to. 2006 was a huge year for animated sequels, with Madness 6, Killing Spree VI and Joe Zombie: Episode 6, ironically, all the 6's. There's a few others to mention, but we'd be here all day. I love Hanks look in this episode, with his exposed jaw after being pummelled to heck by Tricky in episode 5. The stab wound with the smiley face. Just do what comes natural. Have to mention while I love Cheshyre's Trainmadness soundtrack, we also have to give a shoutout to the creepy opening music MADNEWAT, and API's fast, twitchy techno music in the first half. I mention this because Hank seems very twitchy in this episode, and I love it. It's also carried over in 9.5 too, which is nice to see. The gore is great, especially with the axe and P90 at the end, the train, Jeb working a normal job post Depredation... I think this is where Madness truly reached the point of 'crazy' and set the stage for every episode that came after it.
6. Madness Aggregation
Aggregation is the 9th episode in the Madness canon, and was certainly a surprise to see. This is Krinkels' experimental phase, and you can see it throughout the episode. It was the first episode (if I remember correctly) to have two protagonists on screen at the same time (or three, if you count dead/carried Hank). This is where my problems begin, however. You can certainly tell it was the first time, a lot of my issues with this episode center around Sanford or Deimos sort of standing around doing nothing whilst the other is causing mayhem. Apart from that though, it was nice to see them again, especially after watching the .5's years later. On rewatch, I hold it in much higher regard now that we have context for the canon. This is also where Hank is revived and would set up another event in the form of 9.5 later down the line. It is weird to see Hank as a Mag, and it's doubly sad to see that Deimos did not make it, but this episode is baller. The soundtrack as well, definitely fits the opening with our heroes driving and evading enemies. I can't pinpoint it, but the soundtrack definitely feels like a dual protagonist sound. In terms of story, it sticks very well.
5. Madness Combat 6.5
There is so much to love about 6.5. I think it's honestly the best .5 episode pre-Madness 11 era. 2009-2011 was a very experimental phase, but it definitely paid off. I just love how seamlessly 5.5 and 6.5 come together when watched one after the other, or in one big video (props to the folks who put those 'In Real-time' videos together). The wounded Sanford, the train tracks, it certainly gives a lot of context for what is going on, wordlessly. This is where they started to get their iconic looks. Whilst 7.5 didn't really offer anything substantial, 5.5 and 6.5 are truly magnificent episodes that are held in high regard. The reason I ranked 5.5 lower is that it's just to give you an idea of what's happening around Depredation and Antipathy, whereas 6.5 feels like its own episode. The soundtrack is one of my favourites too. The animation was getting more and more fluid, and given that this came out before Madness 10, it's quite amazing how much of the animation style here is carried over into the later episodes.
4. Madness Consternation
Episode 7 is one of my all-time favourites, for sure, and I think this rings true for a lot of people in the community. Even though it's not ranked at number 1, I'd still say it's among my personal favourite episodes. The soundtrack and eerie vibe of the demonic Clown gives the episode a real horror angle that I always scared me in a way, as a kid. There's also things I never noticed back in 2007, that I notice today, such as 'DISSENTER BE DAMNED' written on the walls where the spiked agents are. This is cool nowadays since 9.5 expands on retention and dissenters, so even though it may not have been intended at the time (or if it was, Krinkels was certainly quiet about it), it tells a lot without any words and fits the story very nicely. Again, it's another pick for my "this is the Hank you think about when someone mentions Madness Combat" list. There are so many. But I love Hank's ninja wraps and red goggles. I feel this is when his image improved each episode. Cheshyre's Madness7 soundtrack is close to my all time favourite, and I still blast it in the car to this day. Also, chainsaw Hank is MVP.
3. Madness Expurgation
This might be a little controversial depending on who you ask, but I think Expurgation fits nicely in 3rd place within this ranking. It's one of my favourites and is probably one of the craziest episodes to date. I think the issue I have with this episode is the lack of blood. I think Madness has always been memorable for the amount of gore, blood and ways that the enemies are killed. I don't have an issue with the black blood from the clown minions, but the gore just feels a bit lessened here, in my opinion anyway. That, however, does not stop this from being an all time great. 7 years, 7 months and 7 days, and it was well worth the wait after being teased for so long. This is truly a highpoint in the Madness canon, where things looked vulnerable in-universe. I know things have always looked shaky given how each episode ends, but seeing the Auditor all messed up and trying to make a deal with Hank and Sanford to remove the Clown, it sets up Madness Combat 12 nicely. The audio and SFX is a major improvement and would become a standard in later animations. The soundtrack, 'Expurgation', from our saviour Cheshyre is again one of the best soundtracks. It gives a sense of hopelessness, this is even more apparent when Sanford yells out in frustration when he is cornered by Tricky, but then hope is restored when Hank returns with a new metal arm, and the soundtrack hits even harder. I do feel like the fight at the end could have been a bit more interesting, and a lot could have happened, but then again, Krinkels worked on this thing for 7 years, so I'll give him a pass on that. Also love the way the episode begins with Hank and Sanford climbing down the ladder from MC10, haha. All in all, one of my favourites.
2. Madness Abrogation
I think Madness Combat 10 is easily one of the best episodes. This thing came out in 2011, but it could have come out in 2016 or something and I'd have been none the wiser. The sheer rise in quality is undeniable. Like I said before, my issues with Aggregation stem from a quality perspective, where one or more characters sort of stand around doing nothing whilst another character is off doing something. When rewatching MC9, it becomes more and more apparent and I can't unsee it. MC5.5 and 6.5 was a period of time where Krinkels was able to hash this out and I think this all came together in MC10, for sure. The animation is very expressive and fluid, there's not a single point where the protags are just standing still or doing nothing (except for when Hank is pushed into the wall by the Mag and when he pulls the lever for Sanford, but I'll give this a pass). The episode feels very alive, due in part to the expressiveness, such as Hank and Sanford playing rock paper scissors to determine who dives into The Auditor's construct first. Naturally, it's our boy Hank. And that soundtrack? Come on, it's easily my personal favourite in the whole series. I think where MC9 toned it down to suit a more slow paced episode, MC10 ramps it up where it sounds like alarms are ringing, as if to say "we've go to go, quick!", and the part of the song where a portion of Madness7 is played, followed by a remix of Crazy Clown Song of Death from MC5, truly amazing. Cheshyre did a beastly job here, and as usual, breathed some serious life into this episode. It's by far the episode I come back to the most, there is just so much to love here. Again, you'd have no idea that MC10 and MC11 are 7 years apart. I wish I could say more, and to be honest I would I could say more on ALL the episodes, but we'd be here all day. MC10 is a classic, hands down.
1. Madness Combat 9.5
This might've been expected, or not expected, I don't know. But MC9.5 is easily the best episode to date. I'll also be ranking both parts as one whole episode. I can't actually tell you which part I prefer the most, as it takes two of my favourite looking Hanks and puts them into the same episode. Following Dedmos and the anticipated release of MC12, I would say that this is Krinkels' magnum opus. In terms of sheer quality, the amazing sound design, and again we cannot forget how much life is pumped into these animations by Cheshyre. I'd say I prefer Part 1's soundtrack over Part 2. I think given how fast MC6 Hank is, I would be inclined to say Part 1's fast paced soundtrack fits that version of Hank the most, but that's just a personal preference.
Anyway, the most noticeable thing off the bat is the sleek, crisp art design. It's rugged, detailed, and is by far Krinkels' best work. It truly feels like a massive overhaul to the design of the characters and world around them. Again, the expressiveness is huge, such as Hank making fun of the ATP Soldat gesturing with his hand, pointing towards the eyes, and this is even more interesting because it's the first time Hank meets them chronologically. It feels very fluid, and everything looks like it has real weight to it. This is also enhanced by the amazing sound design, for a mask that drops onto the floor, or the clicking of the guns. The horror feel from MC7 is truly back here, as well. Part 2 specifically where Tricky just goes into beast mode, it very much caught me off guard. MC9.5 also gives us an interesting look at how 'the other place' works, and how the Madness universe works as a whole. It's implied when you die, you end up in this sort of purgatory hellscape, and it does all of this story telling wordlessly. Ironically, I feel that Part 1 is actually more of a 7.5 than the original 7.5, for the obvious reason that 9.5 starts after Hank is killed in MC7. So many little details in 9.5 make it feel so authentic, such as the very end when Hank is revived, and you can faintly hear gunshots in the background, the moment where Deimos is killed. I have so much more to say but again, we'll be here all day. All in all, this is by far the best MC episode to date in terms of quality, audio, story and the new art style will be one of the driving forces moving forward.
So, that's my personal ranking of Madness Combat episodes. Again, I love every single episode, so if there's a ranking you disagree with, just remember it's my personal opinion and in my head, they are all number 1. Submit your rankings, and let me know your thoughts, and where you'd rank the episodes!

TL;DR
Me (25M) have been dating my girlfriend (24F) for just over six months now. I really love her and she loves me so much.
But, I have been feeling very emotionally alone recently. I feel like she never wants to acknowledge my emotions and dismisses them, and I don't know what to do about it. There have been some serious instances and several minor ones, where she hardly ever seems to apologise or even acknowledge my feelings when she hurts me. Sometimes, she would say hurtful things, sometimes say that I cook up stories in my head etc.
For example, once we had an intense conversation about my law career where she insulted my idea of getting into academia. She called me a coward and even insulted my father. She said many other things which truly broke my heart. The next day, when I poured my heart out to her about how her words broke my heart, she went silent said sorry over text. When she did talk to me, she said she never disrespected me or my father. She also said that I always dump all my emotions on to her without any regard for her.
Another example is when she out of the blue told me that she made out with her guy best friend a couple years back and I should be jealous of him. I was really thrown by that, and felt a little uncomfortable in that moment. I was hurt too, but I understand that it was a long time ago and it should not affect me as much. The problem was how she reacted to me feeling hurt and uncomfortable the moment I found out. Only half an hour into our conversation, she said that I was obsessing over all this.
The bottom line is that I feel every time I bring up any negative emotion, especially one towards her, she simply gets aggressive, says mean things and resorts to hurting me in some way or the other. Now I am stuck in a paradox, where I cannot talk to her about this issue or any other things she did that have been on my mind, knowing she will simply dismiss them. I have brought up this problem about me not being able to open up to her when she hurts me, but she did the same thing as always, i.e., she made mean comments, said that I make up stories in my head etc.
What should I do?

Hi all. Every day I see people saying they struggle with bots and how they just aren’t fun. As a certified bot diver, I know how those missions can turn into absolute disasters in a second. However, there is a loadout that I think is the most flexible and efficient in almost all situations that I think will greatly help you and might even change your mind about playing bots. If not, at least I tried. This is what I take with myself when I just want to win.
A summary first, then some explanations.
Armour: heavy fortified (explosion resistance) Primary: Pummeler SMG Secondary: grenade pistol Grenade: stun
Stratagems: ballistic shield, AMR, rest to taste. I like Eagle airstrike and railcannon.
Armour: go heavy. While mobility is everything against the bugs, positioning is everything against bots. Speed isn’t essential, so pick protection. The Fortified perk gives you explosion resistance which is crucial because trust me, there will be times when it feels like the entire world is blowing up around you. There is also the white heavier medium suit whose name I forget, that one works well too if you find yourself too slow.
Primary: the Pummeler. If you don’t have it, the Defender works well too. They both reliably kill everything except the following: hulks, tanks, scout striders, factory striders. The reason we’re taking the Pummeler instead of the higher DPS Defender is the stagger effect it has. Its time to kill isn’t fantastic but you can lock down groups of enemies by alternating between them, kind of like how you used to with the pre-nerf Slugger. The reason for taking an SMG in the first place is the ballistic shield. More on that later.
Secondary: the grenade pistol. Two reasons: fabricators and close scout striders. We’re not bringing other explosives, so the GP is our factory killer besides any Eagles or orbitals you might take. Its real strength, however, is its ability to one-shot scout striders at ranges too close for the AMR. It’s not always consistent and you might have to hit them another time, but that’s not a problem because you’ll be reloading behind your shield, which the striders cannot penetrate. You can also use it against devastators but probably not much, since it does have limited ammo. Although it is fun arcing a grenade over a heavy dev shield and nailing them in the face.
Grenade: stun. We’re taking this for hulk hunting. I don’t know how long exactly the stun is, but it’s really good. Easily long enough to switch to the AMR, line up a shot, fire, line up another, and fire again. No more hulk. It can also shut down groups of smaller enemies but that’s mostly handled by our primary.
Now for the stratagems.
Ballistic shield: this is the centerpiece of the loadout. Underrated, underutilised, unbelievably good. This thing is bulletproof, literally. It will block everything ranged except explosions and fire. Small arms? No problem. Raider or heavy dev machine guns? Ping right off. Scout strider cannons, tank MGs, even the heavy frontal miniguns on factory striders? Not getting through this bad boy. The best thing about it is that it’s directional, meaning that you can choose which side you want to protect. Just carrying it covers your left, aiming covers your front, and pulling out your support weapon covers your back.
Now I did say it doesn’t work against explosives. This is a downside, but that’s why we’re bringing armour with the fortified perk. I suggest against trying to block rockets and cannons since they can break the shield, but this is unlikely to happen if you use it as intended. It’s also useless against flamethrowers, which is why we’re carrying stun grenades for disabling and hopefully eliminating those hulks that carry them.
What’s great about bringing the shield is that it makes you think about your positioning in a way fighting bugs never does. Against bugs you run and kite, never stopping because if you do, you’re dead. Against bots, this will not work. You will be killed, over and over again. You have to be slower, more methodical. Unlike bugs, bots are easy to outrun, but if they catch you out of cover, especially if they get a flank on you, you’re toast. With the shield, however, you can pick the weaker flank, take a deep breath, and attack them instead of them attacking you. What’s neat about this is that this tactic is viable even without the shield but doing it with it first builds up your skill and especially confidence; it’s a bit daunting at first.
I could ramble on and on about the ballistic shield but I think I’ve gone on long enough already. Let’s move on to the last part of the loadout, which is...
The anti-materiel rifle, or AMR: yes, materiEl. In my opinion, the true Swiss army knife of the automaton front. Some might protest and say the autocannon is it. I disagree, because while the AC is a great weapon, it lacks two things the AMR has: a free backpack slot needed for the shield, and good sights. If I’m not bringing the shield, I do take the AC sometimes. Despite its name, the AMR is perfectly good against personnel too. Since we’re bringing an SMG, we’ll be using the AMR for long-range chaff clear too. It’s also usable, if not ideal, for close range, although the massive recoil makes it challenging for that purpose. Still, if you get cornered with it you can forsake accuracy and just mag dump anything in front of you and chances are it’ll work because despite appearances, this thing has an insane fire rate. It’s not ammo efficient, but it’s better than dying. However, we’ll primarily be using the AMR for precise shots at weak points. It kills all devastators with one shot to the head, scout striders with one or two shots to where the legs attach, and hulks with two shots to the optic. It destroys the factory strider’s miniguns with four-ish shots, kills them outright with one and a half mags to the underside. It downs gunships with four to an engine. It’s useless against tanks unless you can get a shot at the backs of their turrets, but we still have two unused stratagem slots for those.
As for those, nothing else is “mandatory" for this build so pick what you like or what suits the mission. I like the basic Eagle strike because of its utility in killing everything. The railcannon is great for those moments when you see a hulk you want to absolutely, positively just delete in an instant. Precision strike works wonders against tanks, as do the 110mm rockets. 120mm is great for groups and factory striders. 380mm levels big bases and stuff like dropship depots and command bunkers. You get the idea.
So there you have it, IMO the most versatile bot loadout you can bring. As I said, this is my win button for when I’m not interested in experimenting and just want to get the job done. It’s effective and it’s fun. If you’re a bugdiver struggling against the socialist menace or just need something different to mix up your Scorcher & AC life, give it a try. I promise you won’t be disappointed. Any questions, feel free to ask. SES Queen of the Stars, over and out.

Since I already expect to be beaten by other fans, I will try to express this theory of mine in a very schematic way step by step
A) Apparently, although there are many nuances and even conflicting sources, we can say that the Jedi and the Sith have at their base two different motivations for acting: in theory, and i underline "in theory", Jedi are moved by altruism, by the idea to act for a greater good, are at the service of the community, give great importance to inner serenity, etc The Sith on the other hand, generally and i underline "generally", are driven by the desire to fully experience their emotions and satisfy their personal passions
B) However, this should not automatically lead all Sith to be evil: living following one's emotions and passions is not necessarily bad. Modern psychology would classify this type of behavior as "Dionysian", which is contrasted with the other classical behavior which is "Apollonian". But these two terms are in no way synonymous with good or evil. So why should a path based on emotions and passions, even emotions and passions of a personal nature, necessarily lead to evil ?
C) I'll give you some examples: a revolutionary who fights for freedom is driven by a great passion, the classic avenger of the night is often driven by a personal revenge against evil. A person who dedicates himself to becoming the greatest sportsman in the world or to becoming an excellent artist is dedicating his entire life to a personal passion and probably also has very strong emotional reasons for doing so but this does not necessarily make him a person evil. In short: there are not only negative personal desires and negative personal emotions, such as ambition, anger, etc Imagine if Anakin had simply killed the desert raiders who killed his mother, but without touching the women and children of that tribe. His act, driven by a strong emotion, would have been less negative and fit into the stereotype of the "avenger of the night": who is a dark hero, almost an anti-hero we could say, but certainly not a villain. The "road warrior" or the Punisher or the Gatsu model character from Berserk would fit perfectly into this category

D) I'll give a direct example of a popular character from another saga, who however has several points in common with a very famous Sith. The character I use as an example is Severus Snape from the Harry Potter saga: if we analyze Snape's motivations we can see that everything he does over the course of the seven books is driven by only two motivations, which are love for Lily and the desire to take revenge against Voldemort. Every single action of Snape, however cold he may apparently seem, is driven by these two reasons... which as you will notice are purely emotional in nature. At the beginning, and perhaps even at the end, Snape doesn't care much about the fact that Voldemort also kills Muggles or at least that isn't his main reason for fighting him: he wants to avenge Lily in the name of his Love for her. So Snape fits perfectly into the description of a Sith: he doesn't do what he does for a lofty reason of love for "community" and for an abstract ideal of the common good, he just does what he does because he is moved by emotion and passion. In this I notice a very strong parallel with Palpatine: both characters have a mask of cold and rational man, both are mentally disciplined enough to hide their true motivations and manage to hatch even very complex plans and plots BUT both are in reality driven by unbridled emotions and passions, simply in Snape's case we talk about love and revenge while in Palpatine's case we talk about ambition. Here we can notice another important thing: the Sith are "motivated" by emotions\passions but are not necessarily "dominated" by them. Not 24/7 at least: Palpatine has the galaxy believe he is a calm and rational politician, he has the clarity to make a very elaborate plan... all this despite being "moved/motivated" by ambition
E) So, having seen in the previous point that you can very well create a positive character who is driven by the desire to satisfy personal passions and fully experience your personal emotions, I return to my initial question: why no Sith is a positive character ? Now I don't pretend that all the Sith are Severus Snape but I can't even understand why they are all evil: I think that there could easily be some Sith who fight for a positive ideal... maybe they will fight in a violent and questionable way, maybe they will be similar to those who in Dungeons & Dragons are called "chaotic good", maybe someone will have a politically incorrect attitude like Deadpooll, but they should still exist
Possible Answer 1: the dark side just streams through emotions BUT the evilness is a Sith fault) I thought a possible answer might be not in the very nature of the light side and the dark side but in the training that the Jedi and Sith receive. In fact, we know that the Jedi are not the only users of the light side just as the Sith are not the only users of the dark side, so perhaps the fact that the Sith are always channeled towards negative emotions and negative passions could be due to the type of people who (by tradition) the Sith choose as students and because of the training they receive. However, if this hypothesis were true, then it would mean that it is not so much the dark side that is evil (at least not necessarily) but the Sith training! This would make a life based on emotion and passion dysfunctional. So there could be characters (who use the dark side and who are not Sith) who have an emotional & passionate but positive attitude. However, no such character comes to mind.

Possible Answer 2 : the dark side is evil BUT not necessarily streamed/link by emotions and desires) We might assume that the dark side is actually evil and corrupting, however you see it. The connection with emotions would derive from the fact that the Sith tradition has found a way of approaching the dark side in emotions and personal desires. However, if this hypothesis were true, then there would also be other ways of approaching the dark side that are not linked to desires and emotions, there could be users of the dark side who are calm, cold and thoughtful and not at all interested in their emotions : a sort of "monks" of the dark side or "jedi of the dark side" or "vulcans of the dark side". But I can't think of any example of a "dark side tradition" or "dark side order" that doesn't reference the Sith way in some way.

Possible answer 3: the dark side is a just a boogymen because the plot need villains) We could think that it is a structural problem of the dark side: dark side users must follow their personal emotions and desires but they will necessarily necome evil in doing this. The Jedi suggest many times that the dark side necessarily brings moral corruption, even if it is true that said by the Jedi it is a source a little biased. At this point my question becomes: if the dark side is necessarily evil & necessarily corrupts & necessarily based on emotion and passion, then honestly the very idea of ​​the dark side seems poorly structured to me. Because if this hypothesis were true it would make a strange and unfair comparison between emotionality and evil, between passion and self-destruction... This seems to me not only extremely bad narratively but also false. There are numerous historical examples of people who have saved lives, in some cases even many lives, simply by following their hearts, their emotions and their passions. It is obvious that even a Jedi has an emotionality that leads him to empathize with the evil suffered by other people, however even an emotionality focused on his own passions and deep emotions can be positive: I think for example of a Sith who fights evil not both because he thinks of the good of his community but because evil disgusts him or because he has revenge to carry out against a powerful evil organization. If you allow me another nerdy comparison I would say Gatsu from Berserk: especially at the beginning he is moved by very strong passions and powerful, very violent emotions, but we cannot say that he is the villain of the story because, even if with extremely harsh means, his aim is to eradicate a great evil... He doesn't do it to save the world: he does it for his personal revenge but his aim is still to stratify evil. Why was a Sith or a dark side user never conceived like this?
What do you think about my question ? Please be kind in the comments, thank you :)

It’s crazy what people in church leadership can get away with. Long mission story incoming…
I had just made it to my mission field in south america post-mtc and was of course still naive and learning the language. One thing I did pick up on was that when meeting the bishop of this area something felt off. Couldn’t quite put my finger on it, and didn’t really understand a lot of what was going on until after I’d left the area.
My follow up trainer and I remained close and emailed about the area after I’d left (since he’d stayed behind). Turns out, the ward clerk came across documents for use of ward budget funds for several youth activities. The problem was that these activities never happened. This started a series of investigations led by this ward clerk that proved that the bishop was using ward funds for himself and at least one of his counselors. And this wasn’t a recent problem. Apparently this had been going on the entire time the bishop had been ‘in office’ (which was about 2ish years at the time, with this being his second time serving as the bishop of the ward).
In order to keep this under wraps, the bishop stationed a ward member as a sort of ‘guard dog’.
So back to the ‘present’. Bishop realizes through this ‘watchdog’ member that the clerk is investigating. He takes the clerks keys, Ward clerk contacts my follow up trainer (who he’d been keeping up to date on the investigation), and uses the missionaries keys to continue getting into the church building.
Climax of this whole ordeal is when the bishop feels cornered. He starts getting real sour with the missionaries. My follow up trainer said that their relationship with a lot of the ward members was poisoned by the bishop. And finally, in an effort to ‘remove the evidence’, we theorize that the bishop ordered his watchdog to set fire to the church building…
Ward clerk went snooping again and found the church empty. Watchdog dude is missing… weird. Normally a window or several would be opened but this particular time it was all closed up. Smelled like propane. He heads in and finds all of the burners on the stove have their gas running while not a single burner is lit. They’d obviously been going for some time since the propane was noticeable from the entrance. Just then, the ward clerk hears shuffling and turns to see the watchdog member come in through the entrance holding something he couldn’t make out. (Follow up trainer says they bet it was some kind of way to light the gas filled building from a safe distance). Soon as watchdog sees clerk he turns right around and books it. (Now of course there could be some sort of explanation, this is all speculation. But based on the building layout they believe some sort of foul play was intended. The clerk/bishop offices were separated from the stove by just a 3-4 foot wide hallway
After all this the clerk brings his concerns up to the stake president and presents the evidence he’s collected. A disciplinary council is called with all of the stake leaders and high councilors. Not for the bishop, but for the ward clerk, who’s reprimanded for going against ward leadership. My follow up trainer reached out to the mission president. I’m not 100% sure of the reasoning, apparently the mission president was pretty vague. But from what I was told, the mission president wasn’t supposed to intervene and was supposed to uphold whatever the local leadership (i.e. the stake president) decided.
Following the whole ordeal the ward clerk and many strong members stopped going to church. The bishop was released and put on the high council, then assigned to a ward far from home where there’d be no drama. My follow up trainer and his companion were both transferred out of the area and a new elder was sent in to train and white out the area.
From what I was able to piece together, ward morale and attendance took a massive hit. The new bishop, (who was a real nice guy), unfortunately had a whole mess to deal with.
Haven’t kept much contact with the ward (mission ended 4 years ago and i’m coming up on 1.5 years exmo). In that ward during my time there were 3-4 families of recent converts that carried the ward and especially our missionary efforts on their backs. 2 Of those 3-4 families were preparing to enter the temple for the first time and get sealed. All of those 3-4 families stopped attending after the bishop situation and to my knowledge haven’t gone back since.
[TLDR: Ward bishop stole tithing money, Ward clerk investigates, Bishop attempts to set fire to church building, Stake president holds disciplinary council against the ward clerk, Bishop promoted to high council]