This is a world I created to play D&D in. It follows the rules of 3.5 edition D&D. This worldspace was originally intended for private use, but I like the idea of sharing it now that it has become so detailed. I don't charge anything and don't accept money for it, so i shouldn't have to deal with anyone's lawyers...
This is for fun only. I am one person, and I have a real job, so I may post intermittently. If it becomes too much, i may take it down completely. There are many references to popular culture, all out of love. Similarities between real people and fictional characters portrayed are entirely coincidental otherwise. The groups, nations, and religions portrayed are also FANTASY. I am not attempting to miss portray or miss appropriate anyone's cultural background history or political views. Any similarities are to be considered fictional happenstance. It is very hard to write anything new after all. Like how it is difficult to imagine a new regional accent that doesn't exist.
For now I am the only one allowed to post, as this is a reference section for my Dungeon Masters Notes. (That may open to players in the world eventually) Feel free to comment any questions, but keep in mind I may not have time to answer everyone.
Part of my desire to make this open to more people is the OBVIOUS NEED for new content and the fight over the rights to said content. Technically this is all old content rehashed in a new world setting, but I hope it acts as inspiration for others to make their own worlds, or for it to act as a world of rest for the weary working people, to wander and adventure to their hearts content.

Hey. I'm a long time Train watcher and I made a reddit account just to post this.
I'm personally not a tech guy and know absolutely nothing, but I have no reason to believe the information I have is false. In fact, it's probably as authentic as I could imagine it to be coming from the gambling industry.
I went to school ~20 years ago with a guy who I recently met at a summer activity. We ended up chatting and I found out he worked for a game operator for a decade, working on back-end of online slots and even leading an entire team for a time. He quit during covid and has since moved on to other things meaning he's not affiliated with anyone, so I instantly thought of Train's gambling adventures and saw my opportunity to ask any questions I could squeeze in. He was kind enough to reciprocate.
Now he hasn't worked in the industry for a few years, so some things could've changed, but he believes the main principles are still the same.
I believe I learned how slots work for real, and no, there's no tricks to win. However what I learned I haven't heard before, so I'm assuming most people don't know half of it. One thing is for sure, slots don't work the way Train thinks and I think re-wiring his brain would benefit him so much to last longer.
Before I explain, keep in mind Stake originals don't work like this. They're provably fair games and different, the entire idea being you get generated a seed that you stay on until you change it, and they don't even use RNG. Stake has an article on this on their website. Regular slots operate under RNG.
So with that out of the way, components to online slots:
Game Server - the brains. handles everything including RNG, network activity and balance. Typically a physical desktop computer. There are many of them, and different slots from the same provider can use the same one.
Load Balancer - acts like traffic control, sends you to one of the servers when you open a game and ensures servers won't be overloaded.
True RNG - a piece of hardware installed into the server. Generates actual random numbers based on something like white noise.
Pseudo RNG - deterministic algorithm, a software. Gives us numbers that the slots then use to generate results.
Apparently implementations can differ, but the core idea is always the same.
Ideally, they would use the True RNG for every single spin we make because that's actually random. But it's too slow, and that's why they have to use a Pseudo RNG that's as fast as you need it to be. However, it's deterministic, meaning if you ran it from beginning to the end and make a graph, it would always end up doing the same thing, and naturally, could be exploited.
So what they do to counter this is they use the True RNG to "seed" the Pseudo RNG. So seeding exists, but it's not at a player or account level. It's literally the software itself that gets seeded.
What they can do as well, is use another Pseudo RNG to seed it further, by using a string of things such as stake, currency, server time and date.
What's more, is that this process actually occurs quite often to increase randomness. So if you play a slot for an hour, you've been on multiple seeds.
Now it's all just numbers, and there's no concept of good or bad, and different slots use different numbers for results. This is why slots will never make sense. You can play a particular game and be on a disgusting run of losing for hours, ie. repeatedly get "bad" seeds. You can also play a slot for 2 hours and it just keeps paying, repeatedly getting "good" seeds. But there's no math to it in the short-term. Seed won't turn good just because the last one was bad. And because different slots use different numbers, that bad seed could've been good on another game.
Even if you believe none of this, thinking there's 1 seed in general makes no sense since you're playing different servers. Server A doesn't have anything to do with Server B. Then you would have to think you have your own seed on every single one of them.
You can actually find out what server you're playing by opening up browser console, network tab and clicking on your spin and checking the IP address.
They can store your information in a cloud, like your game history, but this has nothing to do with the RNG. They need this information to be able to double check results if need be and provide replays, or in specific games save your progress if there's a progressive feature. So if your info is reset, again it's not "a seed reseted".
I didn't fully understand this part, but apparently other players playing on the same server (regardless of slot) affects game results as well, since they're cycling through variables. Again, I don't know how this precisely works, but I didn't want to pry too much.
However, when they simulate the RTP for a slot, the simulation is done on an isolated server. Meaning the simulation will get everything the RNG gives it, good or bad. If max win numbers line up next, the simulation will get it. Wins and losses aren't (unevenly) divided amongst people if that makes sense. This is why after a certain amount of spins the RTP starts to stick, and eventually when you do billions of spins quantity takes over and the math hardly changes even if the simulation hits back-to-back max wins. So the simulation is reliable, just not really reflective of real gameplay since there are less variables.
I think that's pretty much it.
How all this applies to Train's usual habits:

• Every stream Train does the same thing, sit on a slot that's doing bad, spend 2M to get back 800k then it goes cold again. Wondering how it doesn't make sense. But if you remember what I said earlier, at this point he would've gone through multiple seeds already! So it actually makes perfect sense that the math in this short-term session doesn't add up. Same can work the other way around too. "Hot Fiesta seed" wasn't a seed, but multiple good ones back-to-back-to-back-to-back meaning it was a good idea to stay in it as long as it kept going.

Yeah sometimes it can turn if a slot is doing bad and you sit on it, but the wins aren't based off of previous losses. So I think Train should chase the slots that do something good, rather than chase wins on a slot that's doing bad. Sitting on slots that are eating hand you by far the biggest losses the fastest.

• Same provider is shit regardless of slot and it doesn't make sense. I think we've heard this before. But remember, slots aren't RNG. If you're playing games on the same server that's all that matters. If multiple servers are not doing well at the same time, and many of the games are re-skins and probably use similar numbers for results, it's actually pretty likely you'd get fucked on many games from the same operator.
  
• Forget common sense. If you've read this far, it's pretty clear slots are just right place at the right time. I think Train's biggest detriment is trying to make sense of everything. He's of course doing this because he's a smart guy, but If he can get rid of this mentality, pull the plug earlier if it's not working, and push it when it is, then I think he could stream a lot more.
  

That's all for me. I felt like it was worth getting this out there if it helps anyone.

Hello all, I heard there are certain areas in the UAE where you can buy an iPhone tax free? Is this true? Has anyone of you done this, if yes how much did you save as compared to an Apple store?

I would really like to pick up a hobby that pushes me to spend more time outdoors by myself and with other people , hence looking into FPV
I recently started a new job and would like to save up for a freestyle fpv done to have fun with in my spare time and push me outside more
My budget is 300-500 dollars but I do always try aim for best value for money even if it means bumping up my budget
Would appreciate your guidance to start (I 3D CAD and 3D print for a living if that helps me in any way)
I don't know much about electronics but I'm open to learning
I asked chatGPT to give me advice and this is what it gave me:
Getting into FPV (First-Person View) drone flying can be an exciting venture. It offers a mix of technology, skill, and adrenaline, whether for recreation, professional videography, racing, or exploring new perspectives. Here’s a detailed guide to help you understand the different categories and components involved in FPV drone flying, along with their best use cases.

Categories of FPV Drones

1. Racing Drones
   
   • Description: Built for speed and agility, designed to maneuver through complex race courses.
   • Use Case: Drone racing competitions, high-speed flight practice.
   • Features: Lightweight frame, powerful motors, responsive controls.
2. Freestyle Drones
   
   • Description: Designed for acrobatic maneuvers and tricks.
   • Use Case: Performing stunts, freestyle flying, aerial acrobatics.
   • Features: Robust build, flexible flight control, durability to withstand crashes.
3. Cinematic Drones
   
   • Description: Focused on capturing high-quality video and photography.
   • Use Case: Professional videography, cinematic shots, content creation.
   • Features: Stabilized cameras, smooth flight, longer battery life.
4. Long-Range Drones
   
   • Description: Built for extended flight times and distances.
   • Use Case: Long-range exploration, mapping, search and rescue.
   • Features: High-capacity batteries, efficient motors, GPS systems.

FPV Components

1. Drones (Frames and Builds)
   
   • Frame Types:
     • 5-inch Frames: Standard for racing and freestyle.
     • 7-inch Frames: Used for long-range flights.
     • Cinewhoop Frames: Smaller, ducted frames for indoor flying and cinematic shots.
2. Flight Controllers
   
   • Purpose: The brain of the drone, managing flight stability and control.
   • Popular Models: Betaflight, KISS, INAV.
   • Features: Gyroscopes, accelerometers, firmware customization.
3. Motors and Propellers
   
   • Motors:
     • Brushless Motors: Preferred for their power and efficiency.
     • Kv Rating: Higher Kv for speed (racing), lower Kv for torque (cinematic/long-range).
   • Propellers:
     • 2-Blade: More efficient, less thrust.
     • 3-Blade: Balanced thrust and efficiency.
     • 4-Blade: Maximum thrust, less efficiency.
4. Electronic Speed Controllers (ESCs)
   
   • Purpose: Regulate power to the motors.
   • Types: BLHeli, DShot.
   • Features: Current rating, firmware options.

FPV Headsets (Goggles)

1. Analog FPV Goggles
   
   • Description: Traditional and widely used.
   • Popular Models: Fat Shark, Eachine.
   • Features: Lower latency, more budget-friendly, but lower resolution.
2. Digital FPV Goggles
   
   • Description: Newer technology with higher resolution.
   • Popular Models: DJI FPV Goggles, Fat Shark Byte Frost.
   • Features: High-definition video feed, better range, but higher cost.
3. Box Goggles
   
   • Description: Larger, more affordable option.
   • Popular Models: Eachine EV800D.
   • Features: Comfortable fit, larger screen, but bulkier.

Controllers (Transmitters)

1. Standard Transmitters
   
   • Popular Models: FrSky Taranis, Spektrum DX6.
   • Features: Reliable signal, customizable switches, telemetry feedback.
2. Compact Transmitters
   
   • Popular Models: Jumper T-Lite, TBS Tango 2.
   • Features: Portability, ease of use, modern ergonomics.

Best Combos for Different Use Cases

1. Racing Setup
   
   • Drone: 5-inch racing frame with high-Kv brushless motors.
   • Flight Controller: Betaflight.
   • ESCs: 4-in-1 ESC with DShot.
   • Goggles: Analog FPV goggles for low latency.
   • Controller: FrSky Taranis.
2. Freestyle Setup
   
   • Drone: 5-inch freestyle frame with mid-Kv motors.
   • Flight Controller: KISS.
   • ESCs: Individual ESCs with BLHeli.
   • Goggles: Analog or digital depending on preference.
   • Controller: TBS Tango 2.
3. Cinematic Setup
   
   • Drone: Cinewhoop frame with ducted props.
   • Flight Controller: INAV.
   • ESCs: Reliable 4-in-1 ESC.
   • Goggles: Digital FPV goggles for high-definition video.
   • Controller: Spektrum DX6.
4. Long-Range Setup
   
   • Drone: 7-inch frame with low-Kv motors.
   • Flight Controller: INAV with GPS.
   • ESCs: High-efficiency ESCs.
   • Goggles: Digital FPV goggles for better range.
   • Controller: Long-range transmitter like the Jumper T-Lite.

Putting It All Together

To get the best combo for your specific needs: 1. Identify Your Primary Use Case: Determine if you’re more interested in racing, freestyle, cinematography, or long-range flying. 2. Choose Compatible Components: Ensure that your drone frame, motors, ESCs, flight controller, goggles, and transmitter are all compatible and suited for your chosen use case. 3. Build and Test: Assemble your drone, calibrate the components, and perform test flights to fine-tune the settings. 4. Join the Community: Engage with FPV communities online and locally for advice, troubleshooting, and to participate in events.

Additional Tips

• Learn the Basics of Drone Assembly: Understanding how to solder, connect components, and program your flight controller is crucial.
• Practice in a Safe Environment: Start in open spaces or with simulators to build your skills without risking damage.
• Stay Updated with Firmware and Regulations: Ensure your components are running the latest firmware, and be aware of local drone flying regulations.

FPV drone flying is a dynamic and rewarding hobby that combines technology, creativity, and skill. By understanding the different categories and components, you can tailor your setup to your specific needs and enjoy the full potential of this exciting activity.

[Just a quick note here but I would like to say that I'm not going to go into details about Natsumi and the plot point that concerns her because I think arc 7 is just her introduction and that there's way more things to this persona then just what arc 7 showed, this post is very long too so please be aware]
First I would say that this plot point is very dear to me for many reasons, but the most important Point is that for me it dealt with a problem I always wanted to see which is Subaru obsession of having the choice of RBD and how to use it, from the moment arc 4 finished and until now Subaru was always struggling with chosing the best way to RBD, in arc 5 he reached the conclusion that he shall use it to save his friends but focus on other ways to save the situation so he won't depends on it, arc 6 was Subaru using the power to reach what he believes to be the real Natsuki Subaru
And in arc 7&8 he was dealing with the guilt of not using RBD to save people in the previous arcs and the current ones, showing that just because Subaru didn't RBD in those previous arcs it doesn't mean that he didn't want too or that he didn't feel bad about it, however the arc also showed a very big flaw of Subaru that he carries on since arc 4 and until now, which is that Subaru always blames himself for every situation that goes wrong
Even when he is not in control Subaru STILL insists that he is and that the only reason why he couldn't save the people in the shelter in arc 5 for example is that he didn't do it, in arc 6 Subaru blamed himself for Ram taking the burden and fighting until she got severely wounded, he didn't accept it was her decision, at they ending of arc 6 Subaru blamed himself for Shaula death saying it was his fault because he came to the twoer until juluis shut him down and told him to be respectful for shaula wishes
In arc 7&8 this becomes more obvious to the point Subaru becomes really frustrating (which I like) he doesn't RBD when someone already dies due to their own decisions BUT he doesn't let go either and use this as an excuse to blame himself feeding on the fact that if he RBD he would have changed the situation, as if his feeding on this dulusion that if he died and RBD everything will be okay and the only one to blame is not those who did the kill no, it's his fault because he didn't stop it
After the "you are not a hero" chapter which was in amazing call for arc 6 because it was testing Subaru new determation of " you are in amazing guy Natsuki Subaru" by literally making the person who gave him this determation rejecting him completely Subaru was lost, he can't move on now because the mirror he used to see himself through is no longer here BUT he can't go back because Rem wasn't the only reason why Subaru reached this conclusion and now he genuinely understand his achievement and how great they were
he can never go back from this but now he can't move forward either which left him in a critical vulnerable state making him clinch into Natsumi as a piller of strength, which lead to Vincent looking down on him because Subaru reason of using this mask is emotional and to hide his weakness rather than solving them and this is the principal of weakness in the vollachian empire ( this is not the first time someone see right through Subaru like this, ironically enough Vincent sister Priscilla was the first to do that in arc 3 and just like what happened in arc 7 Subaru ignored Priscila completely there as well )
Unlike Natsumi, Subaru shotification was a very unfortunate and unexpected turn of events for Subaru, we all saw how frustrated Subaru was when Todd was haunting him down and how not even RBD was enough to control the situation and get him out of it, the RBD was useless here shocking Subaru to his core not just because Subaru most useful power RBD becomes useless but also because situations like these when Subaru is incapable of getting the upper hand DESPITE using RBD is what terrefy him the most
(It's a quick note here but this is a going fact about Subaru, in the recent Q&A for the 10th anniversary of re zero the author said that Subaru Just like Rosewaal likes to be in control of how people perceive him and intentionally makes people annoyed with him or very confused with his speech pattern, it's also the reason why Subaru is weak to effection, he is not used to it and doesn't know how to handle it)
So unlike the normal situation when Subaru is capable of using every single death efficiently or when his wearing the mask of being the perfectly confident Natsumi, just like how his death against Todd was out of his control shotabaru was the same and he was Subaru's weakest form....it was supposed to be his weakest form
Let's go back again to Chicha and olbart discussion a little, it was the conversation that made chicha understand how this ability works and re-create it to use it on cecilus, but it's not just that, olbart said that there's people who won't be effected because the core of their personality didnt change since childhood, example being Meduim and Cecilus, then we have the ones who the ability were created for, the ones who got weaker physically and emotionally and no longer capable of using their power the example for this is Al, and then we have cases, a very special cases that it not known how it exactly work for them but..they become more dangerous, way more dangerous then their adult form
Think about what limit RBD as a power, Reinhart the strongest has his moral code and the believe that his family will be okay if the kingdom is okay, there's definitely more to this but this is the only known information so far, for Subaru it's the same as well, some think that it's Subaru moral code that hold him back ,but to be honest I think that his moral code is as good as him keeping his promises...which is not something his that good at
If Rem and Emilia were in danger he would fight back and even kill if it was necessary, like when he put a death trap to kill Todd and his soldiers after knowing what they would do to Rem, when it comes to his close friends it's not really that hard to give up on many of his own rules, what hold Subaru back is his fear of death... Subaru is terrified of death, he doesn't believe that death is a good thing at all except when it happens when you are old and full of wrinkles, otherwise death is always a tragedy
After arc 4 and finally Subaru admitting his real feelings which is that he is terrefied of death, Subaru was very obviously scared of his ability and scared of returning back to his arc 4 mindset, it's not just death as a concept but rather RBD as a whole is what terrefy Subaru, the random chack points that keeps changing without a note, the pain that comes when his soul possess his body again, the fear that it's just too late and that if it was too late...then it's too late, and there's nothing Subaru can do to change that, he becomes a hopeless human being and face what every single person face in this world, an unbearable unchangeable lose that nothing could overturn, and Subaru said it himself in arc 7, RBD manifested because of his upnormal fear of lose
Despite everything I mentioned our MC continued to blame himself for other people's choices, in his dialogue you would always read his thoughts that go like
" They don't understand but I can change the situation"
Which is true, but here's the point he doesn't change it, so he doesn't let himself use his power to stop this self loathing due to his fear ( I explained what I meant with this up there) nor does he accept the lose and just move on, his obsession with perfect ends was always there but his fear was what stopped him from going all in, so imagine if what will happen if I removed this from him, made him incapable of thinking of such a complicated thought and rather turn him into something that doesn't understand these big complicated concept, remove the only thing that hold Natsuki Subaru back and see what kind of monster he will become
Through his shotification Subaru speech pattern was written in hiragana and katakana without kanji in the text to show how childish he has become, it also shows how his memories are kind of vague, he does remember some things and after the 10 second of hell Subaru was forced to somewhat catch up to his original self, but the full details and all are not that obvious, this vagueness is exactly why he was so dangerous as well
As a child I think all of you noticed that after chapter 75 you don't feel that much tension with shotbaru, the more you see of him the more you get...assured that nothing bad will happen, you are not afraid that someone will die nor are you worried that they will fail to save vollachia, heck you don't even see RBD or actually feel any of the normal tention that comes with the ability while you are reading, shotabaru makes everything easier...he make them easier for Subaru as well and the more shotabaru dies Subaru becomes more and more in control so much sonit becomes very hard to different them at some point
While the whole thing started as in out of control situation first, I have no doubts that it becomes something that our Subaru took advantage of, he notices how shotbaru has no real understanding of trauma, it's more like a painful unconvinet event to him but that's it, he theorized that it might blow up in his face later on but he was fine with this, he also noticed that his mindset has reset to his younger years when he was a prodigy, the Subaru from that time was obsessed with being his father son, this obsession continue for YEARS, because it took years for Subaru child self who believed that everything is possible with enough hard work to die, now imagine that desperate child with Subaru crazy idoligy and RBD and well, this is the formula for in utter disaster
It was a convinet situation for Subaru because it made him reached his desire BUT it wasn't something he desired to be because he still wanted to stand alongside Emilia as a knight and because this was still Subaru after all, and I think that Subaru hypocrisy and everything that I mentioned before in this post came together in the moment Subaru rejected to return back to normal despite him having few chances to do so
While the situation was unfortunate at first but this excuse to defend Subaru fall down in the moment he had the chance to return to his adult self but he willingly choose not too, he has the chance to ask olbart for help and Vincent will aid him, but he refuses saying it was for the pleadise but we all know that in chapter 75 this assumption was rejected, and even then Subaru returning back to normal should be for the best, isn't Subaru killing himself anyway because "it's for the best" as he put it? Wouldn't it be better to risk the possibility of one loop to see the outcome of this? Yet Subaru didn't do it, he could have do it after they left to the capital away from pleadise but he also refuses, and finally in arc 8 chapter 74 Subaru was seemingly knowledgeable about a way to return back to normal after using glouutiny yet he still didn't use it... it's because Subaru not shotabaru is the one behind this madness, and because he has decided that him retuning back to normal in this current time won't be beneficial, but since he can't explain exactly why he hide behind the lie that it's all for the plan, when in reality it was just him hiding behind this mask of invisibility that was forced on him but he crafted it to fit him eventually
Subaru knew for a fact that his adult self who has a full understanding of RBD won't really use this power to it's full potential, meaning that there's many tragedy that Subaru won't really stop from acuring, meaning that what hold Subaru back from the future that he always desired will be back again, as a child Subaru could do this but his not so sure if this will continue as in adult, in the moment Subaru felt that the ending of the story is getting close and that sphinx death is right in front of his eyes ( basically when he finally precived his perfect ending that he always dreamed of ) that he gave up on shotabaru , throwing him away like some unwanted rug, with amnesia barue at least it was emotional scene of acceptance, with shotabaru it was more like a weight that he finally lift from his shoulders without even one second of a proper clouser, only to run for Emilia happy that he finally no longer in need to stay like this
What many receive as Subaru finally being free from shotabaru is for me showing Subaru absolute hypocrisy and how he was actually the one abusing his child self and not the opposite, despite having the chance of letting him go Subaru used him under the excuse that it's for the best, and while he use the pill to remind himself of how harsh death is Subaru didn't stop seeing RBD as a method or a tool to reach his goal, Subaru in arc 4 used RBD to self punchiment, while in arc 7&8 he use it to save everything and the hurt part is just a neccacry process, he never lost meaning of death due to this BUT he has lost his way with RBD
The fact that the author killed off Priscilla when Subaru returned back again to his original self is a really big slap on Subaru face ( and it's not the last ) because Subaru has give up on the excuse that made him act out of his usual self thinking he has already reached the perfect ending only for him to face the fact that Priscilla has died off screen even before the big battle happen, Because unlike shotabaru who immediately think about RBD when faced with the death of someone dear, Subaru... Subaru is not like this, many people forget this but in arc 5 when Subaru saw that Emilia might have died he immediately fall down to his kennes and didn't move, his first instinct wasn't to RBD no, it was him surunder to grieve that swallow him whole, that's why Subaru reaction for to Priscilla death and her disappearing into thin air right in front of his eyes wasn't to kill himself, because his mind was so messed up and distracted by in unbelievable event that made him genuinely stunned and incapable of even trying to solve the situation, right now the amount of death he endure throughout the arcs will be rushing to make his wound even more painful
Of course I don't believe Subaru will accept that soon, I think that the aftermath of Subaru hypocrisy and his choices in arc 7&8 that he uses to Sneak away from what he leaned before since arc 4 will be shown in the next arc, there's also a high chance Subaru might go back to this mindset of " if I didn't RBD I would never know whatever they were savable or not thus I can still make myself believe that they were" which will be a perfect call for that scene in gunhive when Subaru also refuses to RBD for the same exact reason
I don't doubt that at some point Subaru will overcome this but my fear is actually that Subaru might go through his phase of hating the world ( just like in the shadow garden) switching the blame from himself to the world itself as a way to cope because I doubt Subaru would let go of his fear and obsession with Saving that easily but whatever will happen i feel that the whole arc was setting Subaru up for starting the path of him accepting death and lose more

Back story: my mother in law always tells me to communicate with her when I leave so she can listen and deal with my dogs witch one barks nonstop sometimes, she would also usually walk them when I’m gone. I’ve also told her countless time that my dog chews up the diapers I have for my baby and my books that are in my bedroom and that I don’t lock him in my bedroom because he eats everything. I had been gone for 6hrs and my friend came over with her son and one of my dogs is very skittish and I don’t trust him around kids and my friend doesn’t trust him either. I had her watch my son for a bit so I could run and pick up stuff for dinner (I was gonna cook for her as well) he had pooped and so she went back to my house. When I get there and start to lock my dog up she said he probably needs to go to the bathroom and I said has he not gone at all, she said no and I said ok crap well my friends over with her kid. So I start to put his stuff on and she sees I’m only gonna take one dog and then says we’ll I can take him and I was like no it’s ok I got it. On my way back she’s outside of my apartment watching me and asks if he’s gone and I was like yes. She then tells me she locked the dog that eats everything in my room and I was like fuck me so I ran inside while trying to watch my dog around my friend and kid and she calls my name and I just go in and let him out. When I come back out I was frustrated about the situation so I had a bit of an attitude and said he eats all my stuff he’s not allowed in my room he eats the diapers and my books. She then gets all shocked and upset and just leaves, then texts me she isn’t hungry. My husband who’s in the military then calls me and says my mom called me and told me you yelled at her for not walking the dogs witch wasn’t even the full story. Then she told him that I had bought a pair of crocks which i didn’t buy a friend gave them to me. ( she always does this) I told him exactly that as well as the full story of what happened I then got mad and started to get angry (May be an asshole for that) I told him that she has no idea what she is talking about and that she is always talking out of turn. I told him I don’t like how she is Wally’s talking shit about what I’m doing on a day to day basis when she has no idea what I’m doing. He said well I appreciate having multiple sources and that whenever she tells him something he always gives me the benefit of the doubt and asks me about it and I got more mad and said why does she need to do that what I do is none of her business. She needs to stop getting into our relationship . She then told him i get irritated with my kid and I said yes I get frustrated im basically a single mother and taking care of 2 dogs one of witch is a puppy. I still do everything for him and make sure he’s ok. I then told him I did it think we were a throupole with his mom. And he’s goes we aren’t and I said then why do you need then to feed you information that you then have to check if it’s correct or not it’s none of her business she needs to stay out of our relationship. I then told him im gonna get a job so I can have my money and his money will be his. He got mad and said he joined so that I can stay home and take care of the baby. I said we’ll clearly what im doing is a problem. He said if I can’t be level headed about this conversation maybe we should have it and I said ok that’s fine with me and he said fine then im just not gonna call and talk to you anymore and I said ok and hung up. He then texted me and I calmed down and called him a didn’t answer but he called me back. We were talking and things were going well and then my mother in law walks into my house and and I was irritated so I was giving her a dirty look and she kept asking me what was up and I said nothing because I wasn’t ready to talk, I also said there was food. My friend is still over while all of this is going on. She then tell me we need to talk and I was like about what and she was like about you and I said what about me and she was like about you and I was like speak what about me and she goes who are you on the phone with and she repeats this a couple of times and after I said her son. She then goes ok good so now we have have a conversation without things getting lost in translation we need to talk about you’re attitude my husbands then tell me to tell her to go home and so I said it to her and she goes is that actually what he said and I said yes he then told me to tell her that she is just gonna be escalating the situation. She then goes ok fine if that’s what he actually said, and then she gets up and leaves. So AITA.

Hello reddit readers, I need some advice. Yes, my mom is dating a guy that she groomed. I believe that in love, age doesn’t matter as long as the people involved are adults. In my moms case, its the opposite. My mom (55F) met X (24M) when he was 15 years old. To my understanding, they started to have a thing (my sister caught some text messages between them) while he was a minor. It became a major conflict in our family, causing for me to go no contact with my mom for months. They eventually became a couple and moved in together. Unfortunately, everytime I tried to communicate how wrong the relationship was, I was gaslit to think that it was none of my business.
I have so much love and respect for my mom and the way that she raised me, that it was difficult to cut her off completely from my life. So, as the saying goes, “ignorance is bliss”. Since they live in another country, it was easy to pretend that the relationship did not exist and I continued my mother-daughter relationship. However, as time keeps passing by and I get closer to an age where im considering having a family of my own, it has become so difficult to ignore the fact that my mom is a groomer. It’s so crazy because my mom is emotionally intelligent in other aspects in life, yet doesn’t seem to understand how wrong this relationship is. Or maybe she does but dgaf?
It is such a moral debate because I don’t want to lose my relationship with my mother but also, should I compromise my values and morals? I don’t know what to do. Just by thinking that someday I will have to explain to my future husband that my mom is a groomer simply terrifies me.
I will appreciate some genuine and mature advice. I know my mom is dead wrong but please refrain from insulting her. Thank you in advance!

Below you will find a weekly reminder of our Rules and partial FAQ. It's definitely a long read, but it's worth your time, especially if you are new to the community, or dropping by as a result of a link you found elsewhere. We periodically revise our rules, this weekly notice will help keep you informed of any changes made.
NOTE: These rules are guidelines. Some moderation discretion is to be expected.

Community Rules

1. Kindness Matters

Advise, don't criticize.

• Post with empathy, thoughtfulness, and constructive commentary rather than judgment. Don't be an asshole.
• Name-calling, slurs (including gender or race based slurs), and insults towards other community members will not be tolerated. Do not attack others for their personally held values, custody situation, marital status, physical distance from stepkids, or economic status; or on the basis of race, sex, sexual orientation, age, religion, or ethnicity.
• No name-calling toward children, including the above-mentioned insults or the term "skids", or terms such as "mini-wife" or "mini-husband."
• Comments advocating spanking or any mention of wanting to harm children are not allowed.
• This is a support sub, not a judgement sub, assholes are not tolerated. Comments with terms used in other subs to pass judgement on assholes will be removed.

2. No Drama

This is a support sub.

• Bickering, nitpicking, and thread derailment will not be tolerated and will be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
• Do not repeatedly badger a poster demanding answers, or refuse to acknowledge an answer that's already been given.
• Do not use sensitive issues from past posts (either from this sub or other subs) to attack another user, as we are all discussing vulnerable topics.
• Crossposting anything from /stepparents to any other subreddit might result in a ban and may result in the original thread being locked. Brigading our sub will result in an immediate ban.

3. Report, Don’t Rant

No backseat modding.

• If you see someone breaking the rules, report the post or comment to the mods rather than engaging them in an argument. Failure to do so may be subject to comment removal at moderator discretion.
• No meta posts complaining about rude comments, DMs, or general sub issues.
• If you think someone is a troll or previously banned user, either use the report function or message the mods to direct their attention to the issue.

4. No Naming & Shaming

No userpings or links.

• Tagging/pinging users or other subreddits in an attempt to bully, harass, or complain will not be tolerated. Do not tag other subs, ever.
• If you want to complain about another subreddit being hostile to stepparents, do not name the subreddit. "Other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice.

5. No Platitudes

Nobody knew what they were getting into.

• Comments like "You knew what you were getting into", "Love them, love their kids!", "They're a package deal!" and "You have to love them like your own!" will be removed.
• Comments suggesting that OP is not cut out for stepparenting will be removed at moderator discretion.
• Comments like "This is just a part of parenting, deal with it!" will be removed at moderator discretion.

6. No Trolling

We have zero tolerance for trolls.

• This is a support sub. Our subscribers do not have the time, nor inclination, to provide support to internet trolls. Posts that are suspected to be trolling attempts will be immediately removed, and the poster banned.
• Concern trolling, devil's advocating, gish-galloping, sealioning, and general asshattery are subject to immediate removal and banning without warning or notice.
• Any attempt to circumvent the ban by creating a new username will be reported to reddit admins and possibly result in account suspension.

7. No Personally Identifiable Information

Use discretion when posting.

• We highly recommend using a separate account for support subs to help prevent being doxxed. Do not post any information that may allow others to figure out your identity.
• Do not post photos of children, or any other photo that could be used to identify you or another user on the sub.
• Any image that contains a name or other identifying information should have the name or identifying information blurred out. This includes drawings, notes, and screenshots.
• Do not link to social media or any articles/blogs where you or another user on the sub is mentioned by name.

8. No More than 2 Posts per 24 hours

Use the daily threads.

• We are not a huge sub, but we are no longer a small sub. If you have multiple grievances to air, use the daily discussion threads instead of multiple posts.

9. Follow Reddiquette

Remember the human.

• Adhere to the same standards of behavior online that you follow in real life.
• Read it in full here.
• Downvoting is reserved for comments that don’t contribute, and shouldn't be used to indicate disagreement.
• If you believe someone is in violation of the subreddit rules, please either use the report function or message the mods to direct their attention to the issue.
• Suspected brigading will be reported to reddit admins.

10. No Porn, Spam, Blogs, or Research Studies/Surveys Without Mod Approval

Just don't.

• This is a SFW subreddit. Posting pornography will result in immediate post removal and permanent ban.
• Advertising on the subreddit (outside of Reddit's own advertising) is not allowed.
• No personal blog posts are allowed without express moderator permission.
• No advertising without prior mod approval.
• No asking for money/posting fundraisers/etc.
• For links to parenting research studies or surveys, please message the mods for permission before posting.

11. Disputes in Modmail Only

Don't argue with the mods on the sub.

• Any issues specifically related to how a mod is moderating should be addressed to the full moderating team via mod mail. This ensures that all mods are aware of any concerns and prevents disintegration of the topic thread at hand.
• This means to do not message or send chat requests to individual mods. All discussion and complaints about mod actions need to be done in mod mail ONLY. Failure to follow this rule can result in an immediate permanent ban.
• Comments in threads asking about mod decisions are subject to removal without notice.

12. Moderator Actions

We aren't kidding.

• Users are expected to know the rules before posting. If you are warned or banned for violating the rules, ignorance is not an excuse.
• Moderators will remove posts and comments and/or lock threads in accordance with the rules above. Typically this happens when threads have gone off-topic in a way that is not productive for the OP, or comments overall have become contentious or disrespectful.
• If a poster continues to argue or to willfully violate these rules, temporary and permanent ban procedures will be followed. Any attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban. User bans will not be discussed in the sub. Questions posted about user bans are subject to removal and the poster subject to warning/ban procedures. The mod team will not discuss a specific user ban with anyone other than the user involved.
• New accounts are subject to manual approval until they are no longer deemed "new" by the mod team. This helps to weed out trolls and ban evaders.
• We rely on Automoderator to scan for specific words and phrases that are not welcome here and notify the mod team to review the comment or post. This includes slurs of any type and platitudes such as "Love them as your own!"
• The mod team uses a combination of blacklisting and banning when dealing with trolls.
• We employ the use of a bot that automatically bans anyone who comments in subs that have historically harassed our users. If you are picked up by the bot for telling trolls to get fucked, reach out via mod mail and we'll get you sorted out.
• The rules above as well as ban procedures are considered guidelines only; some deviation may be necessary on a case by case basis and/or at the mod team's discretion.

13. Ban Procedure

These actions are at moderator discretion.

• Pornography will result in an automatic permanent ban.
• Extremely egregious content will result in an immediate permanent ban.
• You may receive a 7 or 30 day temporary ban for first and second rule violations, depending upon severity.
• Continued rule violations will result in a permanent ban.
• Willful attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban.
• We recognize the reddit site-wide rules of using alt names to get around bans and will ban those as well as report them to reddit admins.

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FAQ - About the Rules

What does Kindness Matters mean?

• Shortest version? Don't be an asshole. People come here for support and advice, they do not come here to be yelled at or told they are the reason everything is going sideways. There are ways to point out that someone may want to do some reflection on their own actions and reactions without being an asshole about it.
• The purpose of this subreddit is to provide support and a sense of belonging for struggling stepparents. We aren't here to pass judgement, but rather to offer support, empathy, and constructive commentary. That does not include "hard truths" or "tough love." Stepparents get enough of that in every other subreddit, we're not passing it out here. Be respectful.
• Remember, most people aren't going to come to a sub like this when everything is going great and everyone is getting along. People are coming here when they are down, when they are feeling defeated and stretched to the limit. Kicking someone when they are down is shitty behavior and we don't tolerate it.

What about being kind to the kids?

• "Won't somebody think of the children?" Pearl clutching isn't needed here. If you read the Kindness Matters rule closely, you will see that there is a clause in there about name calling children. We don't allow it. We also don't allow people rolling in telling OP that they feel sorry for their stepkids because OP is feeling overwhelmed and overloaded.
• If anyone is advocating slapping, spanking, or any other form of violence, report the comment immediately. We do not advocate violence towards children of any sort. The mod team does not advocate any sort of physical punishment at any time.
• Venting about behaviors is not the same as insulting the kids. However, if you see a post or comment where kids are being name called or dragged to the point of no return, use the report button. We try to catch the posts and remove them before they hit the sub, but we cannot see every comment without your help. Use the report button to bring problematic comments to our attention. Don't engage in a war of words on our subreddit.

Why is this sub such an echo chamber?

• Not allowing contributors to pile on and tell OP that they are a terrible human being who should never be around children does not equate to being an echo chamber. Many contributors here will offer OP suggestions to help them work through their resentments and frustrations, and the most egregious situations are called out. We simply ask that it be called out with respect.
• If you feel that a post is simply too much for you to handle without following the rules, move on to another post.
• If you believe that a post itself is crossing the rules report it. If the mod team has approved the post, it is because the mod team believes that the OP needs help from the community or needs a moment to vent and move on from their vent. That does not give you license to pile on disrespectfully. Unless it is proven that OP is a bot, assume that OP is a human being with real thoughts and feelings and has posted from a place of vulnerability.

Why can't I tell OP that they are an asshole?

• Because this isn't a judgement sub. We aren't AITA, we don't want to be AITA.
• Comments with terms like YTA, NTA, ESH, NAH will be removed.
• Don't start your posts with INFO either. We generally recognize that as a fishing attempt for more information to pass judgement on OP, and again, we are not a judgment sub.

But OP asked if they were an asshole?!

• Their post somehow got past our automoderator. Just use the report button. We will address it with OP.
• If you've asked if you are an asshole, a-hole, a*hole, a**hole, whatever, don't be surprised if your post is removed without warning. This isn't a judgment sub. If you want judgment, you know where to go.

What is a gendered slur?

• While it seems that everyone understands what racist slurs are, people struggle understanding the concept of gendered slurs. Generally speaking, we are talking about derogatory nouns or verbs that are used to negatively describe people or situations based on gendered terms.
• We've gone back and forth on this a few times, and the truth is, we get it, it's your safe space and you want to be able to vent about BM/BD how you want to vent about them, without us telling you how to vent about them. Fair enough. Vent away. What we are going to stick to here how people are referring to other users and to stepchildren.
• Examples that are not allowed:
  • "My SD is such a little bitch."
  • "She dresses/acts like a slut."
  • "My SS acts like a pussy."
  • "My SS is such a beta male."
  • "You are all fucking whores."
  • "Any dude who is raising some sluts kids is a cuck!"
  • "Little Lord Fauntleroy over here thinking he runs the house!"
  • "You're just the bangnanny, get used to it."
• Don't call users here names, don't call stepchildren names.
• Masking the term with asterisks or other neat little tricks might get you around the bot, but if we see it, we're removing it and quite possibly giving you a time out. The intended word is still there and you deliberately tried to skate the rule.
• As there is not enough space to list every term that is offensive and does not belong, nor every situation in which term or phrase may be allowable in context, this rule is enforced based on moderator discretion.

Seriously? You are the language police now?

• We're here to talk about stepparenting. And we would like for that to happen in a respectful way. Attacking each other doesn't help. Belittling stepchildren draws in trolls who don't understand your frustration, all they see is an evil stepmonster talking shit on the internet about a poor, innocent baby. Yes, even if that "poor, innocent baby" just robbed you blind and set fire to the house on their way out the door. That's just how it goes.
• We are aware that this is a relatively new rule and a lot of older posts and comments contain a lot of problematic language, including some from mods themselves. We are growing and evolving, and rules change as the sub grows and evolves.

What does No Drama really mean?

• Pretty much what it says, do not bring drama from other subs into this sub. Do not engage in vote brigades. Do not try to incite other subscribers to riot in a different sub. Don't follow posters into this sub from other subs to continue to harass them. Do not badger someone or derail threads. Do not harass community members because you don't agree with them. There's enough drama in the daily lives of subscribers, more isn't needed.

What is thread derailment?

• When a comment chain has devolved to the point where all you are doing is arguing back and forth with someone about the same thing over and over again, you have derailed the thread. Also known as bickering. It's what children do. We assume if people are in a stepparent role they are adults. We expect you to act like it.
• If you aren't a stepparent, or in a stepparenting role, consider that perhaps this subreddit isn't for you. If you want to participate, do so with respect. Thread derailment, arguing, bickering, and nitpicking are not allowed.

But what if they didn't answer my question?

• No one has to answer your questions. This is a support sub, not an inquisition. Jumping on a bandwagon with "OP is evading the question" in a 20 comment long chain is the epitome of thread derailment. You'll find more information about trolling below and how this might be considered such.

Why am I being silenced? I'm just asking for a back and forth!

• Thread derailment, badgering, and nitpicking are considered harassment. Continued harassment of either community members or mods will get you banned.

Why can't I look at someone's post history and comment about it?

• No mod in the history of this sub has ever once said post histories are forbidden. What we do frown upon is using someone's post history to attack, belittle, or otherwise harass someone.
• Example Post: "My stepkid's mom really hates me. How can I make this better?"
  • Okay: "Based on the timeline and your post history, it looks like this may have started as an affair. Unfortunately there's going to be outstanding issues for a long time due to that. Try focusing on yourself and how you can move forward without worrying about how someone else feels about you."
  • Not Okay: "Holy shit! You were the OW! What the hell do you expect, homewrecker?!"
• Example Post: "I am completely overloaded and feeling very down about myself."
  • Okay: "In your post history you mentioned that your spouse wasn't really helping around the house. Has that changed at all?"
  • Not Okay: "LOL, you already got the answers you need in your post on relationships. You are stupid for sticking with your lazy spouse."

Why can't we crosspost stuff to other subs?

• We can't stop you from doing so. The problem isn't that something has been crossposted, it's when the community that it's been crossposted to feels the need to come over here and harass OP. When we see that happening, we lock the post and start passing out bans. If you did the crossposting, you'll be banned. If you participated in the brigading, you'll be banned.

What if it's my own post?

• Again, we can't stop you from doing so. We prefer that you don't technically crosspost, but rather just copy and paste your post. Why? Because inevitably the above will happen. Redditors from other subs will follow you back to /stepparents and start attacking users here. It just happens.

What is "brigading"?

• Reddit defines vote manipulation and brigading as follows:
• Using multiple accounts, voting services, or any other software to increase or decrease vote scores.
• Asking people to vote up or down certain posts, either on Reddit itself or through social networks, messaging, etc. for personal gain.
• Forming or joining a group that votes together, either on a specific post, a user's posts, posts from a domain, etc.
• We, along with pretty much every other subreddit that has ever had to deal with this nonsense, further define brigading as this: You saw a post on another sub that linked to our sub either via a link in a comment or a crosspost. It was basically saying something along the lines of "OMG, check out these assholes over on /stepparents! They literally hate all their stepkids!" And then you and your friends come over and start hammering on OP and telling OP how much they suck. Congrats, you have just participated in a brigade.

What is this whole Report, Don't Rant thing about?

• If you see a post or comment that breaks the rules, instead of engaging, report it. When you report it, it sends notification to the mod team. We will act on it where appropriate. Engaging with bad faith users may result in your comments being removed. If you repeatedly do so, you may end up being banned.

What if I see an obvious troll?

• Report it.

What if they are being really mean in comments?

• Report it.

What if they are harassing me in private messages?

• Step 1: Report them to admins. You can report harassment to reddit by using this link or send a DM to reddit admins. Include the link to the DM, admins can see your inbox and providing a direct link is helpful for them to weed out bad actors.
• Step 2: Block the person so they cannot directly contact you again.
• Step 3: Send us a mod mail and let the mod team know. Tell us who they are and what they said, send us a screenshot if you can - admins can see your DMs, mods can't. We'll take action where necessary by banning from the sub if they aren't already banned.

What do you mean by No Naming & Shaming?

• Just as we prefer to not be linked to or crossposted from, we do not allow linking to or calling out other subs by name. If you see something you want to share, say it's a hot post that has hit the front page and a stepparent is being absolutely flayed, just refer to it as "that hot post that hit the front page." If you want to complain about other places in general, "other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice. Absolutely under no circumstances should you link to anywhere else.

I can't link to other subs?

• Do not directly link to another sub. (e.g.: "/insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
• Do not name other subs. (e.g.: "I won't link to it directly, but insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
• Do not abbreviate other subs. (e.g.: "I know that ISNH is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")

I can't ping other users?

• Do not summon another user with a username ping/tag. (e.g.: "insertusernamehere was being an asshole.")
• If you are agreeing with someone, it is okay to link to them. (e.g.: "I agree with insertusernamehere, you need to take a couple of steps back and reflect on this.")

What does No Platitudes mean?

• Sanctimonious, overused clichés that grossly oversimplify the stepparenting experience are neither wanted nor allowed here. We have all heard it a thousand times before, we don't need to hear it again. It's not nearly as insightful and wise as some would like to think.

Why don't you people understand it's a package deal?

• Any comment that suggests that OP should have known what they were getting involved with, or that they needed to understand that the kids were part of some package they needed to accept before signing up for marriage is subject to immediate removal.
• This is one of the most insensitive things you can say to a stepparent. Most stepparents were aware of the children, but they were probably not aware of all of the family dynamics.

Why can't you just love them like they are your own?

• Demanding that a stranger you do not know love children that are not biologically theirs as if they were theirs can be incredibly damaging to someone who is already in a vulnerable situation. Any comment that falls along these lines will be removed.

What do you mean by No Trolling? I was just...

• No means no. No trolling. No pretending to be a stepparent and then whipping out the Greatest Hits Bingo Card of The Worst Stepparent in the History of Stepparents. We see you. We've seen you a thousand times.

What does "concern trolling", "gish-galloping", and "sealioning" have to do with stepparenting? This isn't a debate sub, why are you using debate terms?

• That's absolutely right, this isn't a debate sub. And yet, here we are, day after day, having to defend ourselves against this sort of thing. So, enough. No more. Usage of any of these things will get you banned.

What is "Concern Trolling?"

• A concern troll is someone who disingenuously visits sites of an opposing ideology to disrupt conversation by offering unwanted advice on how to solve problems which do not really exist.
  • Example Post: OP expresses concern that she will feel, and possibly act, differently towards her stepchildren after her husband decides that no, he doesn't want anymore children after all.
  • Example Concern Troll pulled from actual mod mail after their comment was removed: "Possible child abuse claims need to be sorted out well before whatever empathy you believe the OP was looking for."

What is a "Devil's Advocate"?

• "I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but have you considered that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break, too?" BM has dozens of different mom based subs alone on reddit she can complain on, this sub is for stepparents. The stepparent doesn't need to consider that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break.

"Gish-galloping?" What does that even mean?

• The Gish Gallop is the fallacious debate tactic of drowning your opponent in a flood of individually-weak arguments in order to prevent rebuttal of the whole argument collection without great effort. The Gish Gallop is a conveyor belt-fed version of the on the spot fallacy, as it's unreasonable for anyone to have a well-composed answer immediately available to every argument present in the Gallop.

And "sealioning?" What's that?

• Sealioning involves jumping into a conversation with endless polite, reasonable questions and demands for answers, usually of entry-level topics far below the actual conversation (e.g. "please prove sexism exists"). This tactic differs little from harassment; instead of discussion, the point is to derail discussion, receive criticism (for their ignorance) so as to look like a victim, or to make someone feel overwhelmed and quit talking.

Who gets to define what is considered asshattery?

• The mod team, of course! If we feel that comments are out of line, are trolling, are leading up to a fight or "just asking questions", we are going to remove them and most likely ban the offender.

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FAQ - Sub Questions

Posting Guidelines for Stepparents

• Body text is required, we suggest you use line breaks between paragraphs as a wall of text is difficult to read. Posts that have only a title are likely to be removed. Instead of using names (even fictitious ones), try to use the sub acronyms. It helps our users to follow along if you use the acronyms and not names.
• Assign a post flair that accurately describes what your post is about and what you are seeking. If you are posting an update from a previous post, include a link to that post.
• Flairs are applied to posts to determine what a person is looking for. When submitting a new post, you should choose a flair that specifies if you are looking for advice, support, etc. The following link flair is available and is color coded with side bar links so that you can search by flair:
  • Advice - For when you are specifically asking for advice or help.
  • Announcement - Mod Use Only, for subreddit announcements.
  • Daily (Formerly TTP) - Mod Use Only, for our daily discussion threads.
  • Discussion - A little advice, a little "How does your family handle this?"
  • JustBMThings - Pretty sure this is self explanatory!
  • Legal - Asking for legal advice? Tag it with this!
  • Miscellany - Just a sort of off topic thing? Use this tag.
  • Resource - Sharing a good resource or asking for one? This is the tag you need!
  • Support - For those days when you want nothing but a good old fashioned cry and some community love.
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For a bit of background, I (21m) have been with my boyfriend (19m) for over a year now. He moved in with me last July, and we have been nothing but content with one another since. It started kind of slow, with us talking to each other December 2022, and our relationship went crazy from there. I love this man with my whole heart, and he loves me. But we are totally different, he is the sweetest, kindest guy who will try to do anything to appease anyone. I am the opposite (I'm not mean by any means, but I'm blunt). I don't sugarcoat anything, I am straight to the point, and I try not to beat around the bush.
Since he has moved in with me, his mom has made snarky, harsh comments on my livelihood, my personality and who I am as a person. Lately, this has been getting much worse since his mom just met someone back in November and literally married her Friday. The first interaction I had with his mom was her calling at 3pm (at the time, my boyfriend was working night shift, not getting home til 4am), so naturally he chose to sleep in. I was woken up to her screaming and cussing him out on the phone for sleeping in... And this was a slight argument between her and me because she woke me up too, and she had no right to call her son screaming and cursing him out for sleeping in.
Moving on to a month after that interaction, she started showing up out of nowhere (his family lives 2 hours away from us, so she was making an appoint to come up on his days off without notice to see him - wrecking any plans we had). Eventually, him and I got tired of it and when we confronted her about at least giving us a notice, she started threatening to kill herself...
Fast-forward to January, my boyfriend and I went on a trip with my family to Florida. It was completely paid for by my grandmother and my aunt, and his mom had nothing good to say about it. She insisted that I'm spoiled rotten and I get everything I want (I don't, this was literally a treat). We went to Florida because my aunt and grandfather passed away just a little bit before and left her and my aunt everything they owned, so in remembrance of them - we took a trip which I invited my boyfriend.
When we got back from our trip, I decided to take off from work since I have saved up a lot of money to pay my way through school to get my accounting degree.... And oh boy did his mom not like this.. Ever since I chose not to work to instead take on 5-6 classes, she has been nothing but nasty to me and about me. For the past few months she has said that I have been using her son for money, I'm a mooch, I'm lazy, I don't work worth of shit, I'm terrible, I'm abusive, etc. You name it, any insult under the sun she's said about me to him. I've tried to keep my cool about it, venting to him about how much his mom hates me and what she says isn't right. Did she forget he is living under my roof?! I door dash on the side for extra income, but I've said money since high school so I could go to college. It's always been my dream to focus on my education and studies and not worry about working a crappy dead end job.... I've told him to tell her numerous times that I don't use him for money, if anything he still owes me over a grand for me covering his expenses when he moved in with me!
Last month, she and her new fiance decided to invite him, and only him, out to lunch. I ended up getting so upset over this because I wasn't invited to an event that should've included me, and I have been with my boyfriend much longer than she's even known this woman. I ended up asking her if she has a problem with me because I wasn't invited, and she just assumed I knew I was invited (I think she deliberately didn't invite me because she doesn't like me...) It's not just the lunch invite that says this, it's the fact she's only says negative things about me, she tells him I am abusive, if she contacts me it's because she wants something from me. God forbid she texts him wanting something, she's told her son that she would kill herself if he didn't send her money.... What kind of mother.... Anyways, onto yesterday.
It got bad yesterday. I decided to try to call, and I was responded with voicemail. I wasn't mad at this point, her wife (they got married the day after I mentioned I am going to propose to my boyfriend, it's like she was trying to one up me?!) said to me that I need to work and focus on school, and I told her, "what I need to do is do what I want to do and what's best for me, not what you and his mom keep saying for me to do!" I ended up telling her if they don't fk finance or feed me than they need to stop trying to have a vote in my life because I have done nothing but support and help their son, and they have done nothing but talk crap about me... Oh this went so bad. After saying that (which, no I did not cuss her out. The only curse word I said was that saying of fk feed finance), she went ballistic. She started cursing me out, going off on me. I have never ever read so many curse words, but after she said they don't say "shit" about me this is when I got mad. After all the cursing and name calling she did, I said "say it with your fking chest." It ended up with her going off on me even more, and I told her wife to go fk herself, I don't have to put up with this. Blocked her. His mom started calling him, screaming and cursing at him that I cursed her wife out and that I'm abusive, he needs to break up with me and get out of this "toxic" relationship. I tried to call his mom once I cooled down, and I sent my boyfriend the messages because that isn't what happened whatsoever!! I texted his mom saying she needs to get her facts right, and if she's going to talk shit about me she needs to have something other than lies to stand behind. It didn't go over to well with her, and no I didn't curse her out either (because why would I? I have more self respect than to drop to their level of petty and hurtfulness!!) I have been trying so hard to be good to his mom, but I have absolutely had it with the bashing and name calling and everything else she has been putting me through....
Tonight, when he got off of work, we talked about what was happening. He agrees with me, and is going to be distancing her out of his life for a little bit... I told him that she is only hurting herself and her relationship with her son.... And that I have the final say in what she gets to be apart of, hell she won't be invited to our wedding if she doesn't apologize and make this right. And I have every right to exclude her from any events with her son because it's him and me, and she isn't going to treat me like a 2nd class citizen....
I don't know what's going to happen, but I have tried so hard to be sweet and kind to his mom. After a certain point, I can't take it anymore. I am just glad I had the texts of her and her wife cussing me out and calling me all those terrible names! And after all they told him I better apologize. This is such a mess, but if he loves me he'll stand by my side. And if he doesn't, I'll help him back his bags to go home. But I'm not going to be treated like garbage, and I shouldn't have to put up with the insults, the harassment, the petty comments, all the bs she has been dishing out at me this past year.... I'm done.
Would I be the asshole if I want him to have an ultimatum with how his mother treats me? I feel that I am getting to the point of not being able to handle this anymore.

For context I’m a 20 year old man, I currently weigh 359 lbs and im the heaviest ive ever been, ive always been fat, throughout all of school i was “the fat kid” i didnt come from a healthy family, both of my parents worked full time growing up so we often had takeout to save time. This has been my lifestyle for as long as i can remember, i always hated vegetables as a kid and never grew out of it, although ive got a small handful of veggies i can eat, i wouldnt particularly say i like them, when making or ordering food its just easier to go without you know? Anyways, with that being said, my self esteem is about as low as it can get, my confidence has steadily dropped throughout school and now I’m at a point where i dont even really talk to anyone, and always wear big baggy clothes, even when its super hot. Looking back, i was a very easily fixable weight back in high school, but since i got a job ive gained a lot, I still live at home and dont pay much for rent, so i have a fair amount of disposable income, all this does is cause me to spend it all on food, bc of that i always end up running out of money not even half way into the month.
This is a problem that has caused me to be in all sorts of states of depression so obviously im sick of it. Ive tried losing weight more times than i can count, i even had weekly meetings with a dietitian at one point, but no matter what i do or how I approach it, it always ends up going the same.
•feel super motivated to lose weight •delete all food related apps •go shopping for healthy food •start going to the gym and eating healthier •track my calories
This all lasts for a few weeks at best, then i start losing motivation, either life stuff comes up and i can’t focus, or i just straight up get bored, i think a big thing is snacking, theres no way for me to get home from work where i dont walk past a shop, i always end up going in for snacks, i also finish work late which makes going to the gym annoying, but at the same time i dont like going beforehand because i dont want to be too tired. I work monday to friday but even if i were to go on the weekend, it probably wouldnt be enough, plus i dont even really know what to do in the gym, ive asked people before but only people who are in shape and have never been in my position, do i just do cardio? Are weights even gonna help at this point? I like the gym, i feel good after i leave, but building up the will to get there is the hard part. I know people say discipline is important, but i have no discipline, how do i even get discipline? Recently ive developed a kind of “i dont care about anything” kind of mindset, and i feel like the fact that I’ve acknowledged that i have that mindset makes it even harder to get out of it.
Essentially, i need help, i want to be better, i dont want to die before my parents do, i dont know what to do, i feel like ive been told so many different things that didnt help, im praying theres someone put there who has been through a similar thing who can give me some good advice. Thank you.

Hello Evertonians! I am an FC Barcelona fan, based in Los Angeles, who works in Sports Finance. My neighbor and his wife, who are Evertonians, came over to chat and understand what’s up with the club. It's Saturday night here, and I didn't have anything better to do, so I dug into things.
I will try to simplify things from what I read and the conversations I have heard. I am not involved with the buyout but know folks who are. It's a much smaller industry where everyone knows everyone.
Here we go.
The Debt

• £159 million – MSP Sports Capital
• £225 million – Rights and Media Funding
• £4-5 million – Metro Bank
• £190 million – 777 Partners (Inherited by A Cap)
• £450 million – Moshiri Shareholder Loans

MSP Sports Capital has two distinct security arrangements:

• Assets of Everton Stadium Development Company Limited. This means that in default, MSP can acquire the new stadium to recover their loan. Slightly complicated to explain, but Andy Bell, George Downing, and Moshiri through Blue Sky Capital are also funders of this project.
• Alternatively, MSP has an option to acquire 50 per cent plus one share of Everton’s issued share capital, which would give MSP majority control over Everton Football Club.

Rights and Media Funding is a five-year rolling credit facility. Think of this as something similar to a credit card. Here is where you get conflicting information. A significant discrepancy in reporting, which in my opinion can be a dealbreaker. A few outlets report this loan is secured by future payments from transfers/media, etc. I likely believe it is secured against Everton’s bank accounts, fixed charges over Everton’s property portfolio (near Goodison Park), and a floating charge over all other unencumbered assets. (Shoutout to The Esk, he is an absolute gem). This RMF debt accrues a 10.25% interest.
These are the loans that Everton will have to pay regardless as they are secured well.
Loans to 777 Partners (Inherited by A Cap) are likely junior to these two loans. In any bankruptcy event, MSP and RMF get paid first before 777 Partners and Moshiri. However, A Cap says their loan is secured and they are senior creditors of the club, which would put them at the same level as MSP and RMF.
The Timing
Something that came up in the chatter was the timing of this takeover. It is interesting as Everton is due to receive prize money payments from the league which are stood at £133 million. This is the money the club receives from the overall competition commercial pool, which is distributed to all the teams, based on a few things, for example, their position in the league table at the end of the season.
Folks involved in financing other clubs have said this payment likely hits before 30th June. There is another payment due in August/September which is the first tranche of payments from the league. (Unsure on this one, but this is what I heard, payment flows vary a lot).
Despite the timing, the payments would go only so far in helping the club and were likely factored in during takeover talks. My bet is the takeover is likely to complete before 30th June, or at least a structure is agreed upon. 30th June is the deadline used for accessing Premier League Profit & Sustainability Rules (PSR) compliance.
If deals can be done before that “deadline”, they fall within transfers for the 2023/24 season and are included in the club’s financial accounts for last season, rather than moving into the new campaign. If the plan of the new owners is to recapitalize the team, pay down some debt, and sell players to avoid another PSR violation penalty, my bet is the deal gets done before June 30th.
The Sale
The Buyers As of today, June 8 11:00 pm PDT, here are the potential suitors:

• Andy Bell, George Downing, backed by BDT & MSD Partners (More on this later)
• A consortium led by MSP Sports Capital
• Vatche Manoukian and Investors from Gulf and USA
• John Textor, founder of Eagle Football, owns 45% of Crystal Palace
• Dan Friedkin, Owner of AS Roma

Hear rumblings of another group, but almost everyone is looking to finance the takeover using debt along with equity. Many suitors will be willing to provide debt-based financing for the purchase, hence allegiances are bound to change.
The Possibilities
Here are the things that can happen. I am simplifying this to the bare minimums. The actual deals are complicated af and take months to put up and months to complete.
Possibility I: New Owner comes in, pays all debt, and recapitalizes the team
Highly unlikely. The Premier League is a lucrative league for almost every single private equity investor. It’s the league that is expected to continue to grow and firms take less downside risk when buying a team versus a team in a league like Serie A.
However, this would cost any new owner over £1 billion. My bet it costs somewhere around £1.3 billion. Deals of this size happen, but Everton is in a unique position and negotiating from a position of weakness. In my opinion, only someone in the Middle East or a single buyer would be able to pull this through. No one in private equity would commit to this, as they are all answerable to their investors.
Simply put, Everton is not worth £1.3 billion.
Possibility II: New Owner comes in and negotiates with creditors
A likely option. In this case, a new owner comes in and negotiates with the creditors to either forego some of this debt or restructure it over an extremely long period of time at low rates. This would make Everton a more lucrative option. However, the club would still owe a lot of money over the long run and will be paying interest on that loan.
This would mean Everton is run like a lean machine for a few years, with fewer resources going towards things like player transfers, etc. It would, however, still be able to stay afloat.
Possibility III: MSP Capital exercise the option to take majority control of Everton
Another likely option. More likely than Possibility II. MSP Capital takes majority control and would, in all honesty, look to buy out Moshiri. They will need a lot of capital, and they are already pulling strings, putting up their stake in FC Augsburg for sale last week. MSP buy out Moshiri, restructure some of the debt, and put up some more capital. They would likely clear the RMF loan first.
The managing partner of MSP Sports Capital, Jeff Moorad, was a professor of mine in a class I took at UCLA. He is an absolute beast, and an amazing dude to hang with. Unbiased view, MSP is actually highly respected in the industry, and widely regarded as having a razor sharp approach to finance.
They are known to take long positions, but I think Everton would likely be a position they hold for the short term, IF they go alone on this deal. (This is my take, not Professor Moorad). It would be akin to what Elliott Investment Management did with AC Milan when their Chinese owners backed out. They would step in, stabilize the ship, hope the new stadium attracts enough new commercial and matchday revenue, and sell the team to another buyer recovering some of their investment. What Elliott did with AC Milan was absolutely legendary, and in no world would Gerry Cardinale and RedBird have bought AC Milan had Elliott not done its job.
INSIDE INFO HERE: I cannot reveal others in the MSP Sports Capital consortium. Texted a former colleague who is at the firm that are bidders with MSP. If the consortium is agreed upon, MSP comes in with others, who are capable of buying majority control, and running Everton over the long term. MSP in this case would still retain a minority stake. The new stadium holds the key to this deal.
Possibility IV: Everton goes into administration
Cannot rate this option or its likelihood. Let me walk you through this. Administration is a major taboo in the football world, but something extremely common in finance. It is a way for a firm to basically restructure its debt and get back to good health. It does not mean the club ceases to exist.
The preferred way that things are done is through a method called ‘company voluntary arrangement’ (CVA). In a CVA, a deal is put forth, which creditors vote on, usually giving them less money than they are owed, with voting power decided based on seniority. In this case, MSP and RMF would get more votes in the say versus A-Cap and Moshiri.
CVAs are extremely common in the EFL and other leagues, with advisory firms literally minting millions every year, doing nothing but advising teams here. In the Premier League, only Portsmouth has ever gone into administration. Going into administration would see 9 points being docked at the start of next season for Everton.
The Pros of this approach:

• Everton sheds a ton of debt. This would make it extremely attractive for someone to buy the club.
• The reduced debt will likely be restructured over the long run, hence a free-spending owner coming in can actually devote more money to things like rebuilding the squad, enhancing facilities, hiring more staffers, and growing the club.

The Cons:

• A ton of people likely get fired at Everton, as the club must break even.
• The club cannot spend any more money on signings. They may even sell players.
• Local businesses are affected the most, these are folks who provide things like catering services, produce, florists, etc.
• The Big Kahuna: Going into administration can trigger certain clauses in player contracts that allow them to leave for free. I have seen it happen with teams in the EFL, but the situation remains subjective. Any player with such a clause would need assurances from the new owners before the takeover is complete.

There are some speculations online as this being the preferred way in for new owners. I doubt it, but the threat of administration is enough for even the world’s biggest banks/financiers to come to the negotiating table. Every possible new owner would hold this gun over Moshiri’s head, to get him to agree to a deal, and forgo as much of his loans.
Some Questions I think are FAQs
Is Michael Dell buying Everton?
No, Michael Dell is not buying Everton. Michael Dell’s family office is DFO Management, which was formerly known as MSD Capital. MSD Capital was Michael Dell’s family office, meaning it exclusively invested his money. However, in 2009, MSD Capital opened up to outside investors and became an investment firm of its own. In 2023, MSD merged with BDT to create BDT+MSD, the firm that is backing the Bell and Downing bid.
They do still invest some of Dell’s money, and Dell may be their biggest investor, but as far as I know, BDT is huge itself, managing some of the capital from the Walton Family (Walmart), the Pritzkers, and the Mars Family. BDT’s founder, Byron Trott, is worth about $3.2 billion alone. Trott is considered a legend at Goldman, where he helped Buffett structure his investment in Goldman Sachs during the financial crisis of 2008. One of my ex-bosses worked at Goldman during this period under Trott’s team and considers him a legend, even saying he single-handedly saved Goldman Sachs by convincing Buffett to invest and structuring some wild deals.
One thing I know for sure is BDT+MSD would likely pursue a debt-based financing structure. They are not built to go heavy into equity-based financing for sports teams. BDT+MSD have already done a bunch of debt-based deals; Everton won’t be different. In the scenario where Bell and Downing succeed in taking over, Everton would likely owe a lot of money to BDT+MSD.
Would Bell and Downing with BDT+MSD make sense?
My take here is no. Running a football club is no joke. Even though Bell and Downing being Evertonians makes it ideal, I am not entirely convinced of their ability to run a team. Everton would still be severely constrained financially, as they would owe money to BDT+MSD, and Bell and Downing wouldn’t be able to pump a lot of cash into the business from their end.
There is nothing that guarantees Everton will not see the same scenario as it does now, three years after Bell and Downing take over. Private equity folks make sense, as they come in knowing they may know other clubs but don’t know much about Everton. They will, by default, bring on Evertonians on the board, and will have much more incentive to run it over the long term, as the only way they see a return is through actually growing the club economically, which only means a better Everton on and off the pitch.
Are BDT+MSD backing only Bell and Downing?
No, BDT+MSD are free to back anyone in the contention. They are committing to debt-based financing, so as long as the buyer is credible enough, they should have no problem going ahead. Considering they are backing Bell and Downing, I would be surprised if others in the race did not get better financing terms.
As I said, allegiances in debt-based financing are fluid. The hard truth here is BDT+MSD would likely be calling up other potential buyers who bid to see if BDT+MSD can provide financing for their deal. Debt-based financing for a Premier League club is pretty much a dream scenario for any firm, as the underlying asset securing the loan is more stable than in other deals.
Simply put, BDT+MSD are not competing with other potential buyers; they are competing with firms like JP Morgan, Sixth Street, Ares, Arctos, etc., who may want to front one of the buyers.
What’s up with A-Capital?
I do not know. Conflicting things online. I doubt A-Capital will get to invest anything more in Everton, through debt or through equity. I also read that their financial position is under question as the rating they rely on no longer reflects their financial standing. However, I still do not know what there position is.
Who do I want to see win the bid?
Biased towards MSP Sports Partners because of Jeff Moorad. If they pull the consortium through, and the other investors take over the majority club, all I can say is Everton would be lucky. That being said, there are plenty of other people willing to buy Everton with MSP. As of now, the one most likely, along with MSP, would be a dream scenario.
Also, it wont take time for someone entirely new to emerge as a suitor. That is how consortium works. People are surprised, but its literally like texting friends to pitch in and creating a group chat. Things happen over Telegram/Whatsapp/Signal. My boss had once raised $xxx million for a deal texting the LP in the deal. The conversation went along these lines.
Prospectus sent over Mail + WhatsApp
My Boss : What do you think?
LP : $xxx m 👍
LP : Jeff also $xx m and Jake $xx m 🤝🤝
I can bet there are plenty of group chats of potential consortiums that may enter bidding. Everton FC is low-key a bargain, the debt will eventually get restructured. There are plenty of more messy restructurings that have happened in Finance before. Creditors eventually cave, but its a dogfight.
Enough written. Feel free to drop any Qs you may have, I will answer them to the best of my ability and knowledge of Everton’s finances. Massive shout to The Esk. The guy seems incredibly passionate about Everton.
I really hope you guys pull through, I know you will.

Hello, I'm a semi-professional gambler but have unfortunately been restricted or even straight up banned from most bookmakers as they tend to limit anyone who is profiting in the long term. In order to continue doing this I have now decided to reach out to the community as I need to create more accounts which obviously can't be in my name. This requires a bit of work on your end such as downloading all the apps, signing up to the bookies, sending me the login details etc. You will also need to create an UpBank account for me to send money into and then deposit from (this is because the deposit needs to come from a bank that matches the name of the account holder). If you do agree to sell your accounts you will not be able to use them and are accepting the fact that it is likely they also end up banned or heavily restricted at some point in the future. How long this takes and how heavily they are restricted varies between different bookmakers and the results over the long term. Do not agree if you are thinking you may still want to use the accounts, only do so if you have no intention of using them. How many accounts I'm able to use and their history will determine how much I'm willing to pay, assuming they're fresh accounts or have no restrictions I'm willing to to pay up to $350 total for all the ones I'm looking to use. Other prices can be negotiated. If you are serious please DM me and I will provide more information.
Cheers.

How do I (24m) tell my girlfriend (23f) I am moving country whether she comes or not.
So for a bit of context I 24m have been with my partner 23f for under three years. I have always told her of my dream of moving to Australia on a working holiday visa to which she always told me she shared.
She has been living a few hours away for the past three years while studying. She has now finished however a little over a year ago I told her I wanted to get serious about this move and plan it for September this year so I had time to save for the both of us and she could have a few months at home after finishing study.
As soon as I tried to be serious about it she would instantly go quiet with me and did not want to talk to me about the subject at all. She would make comments that I am rushing this and I have my life to travel to which my reply is that I want to do this while still in my mid 20s and I am not happy In the uk so I don’t want to waste my time stuck somewhere I don’t want to be.
We went round In circles for months about this issue and it was impossible to speak to her about it. I eventually hit breaking point and tried ending the relationship to which she broke down and told me she would come with me in September so I stayed.
About two months later I tried talking to her about booking flights to which she froze again and told me she was going to ask me to delay until OctobeNovember so she has more time to save money.
I have saved a very large amount of money so that we can afford this in September so there is no stress when it comes to the money aspect of it at all so this delay to me makes no sense as I am miserable in the uk and don’t want to waste another two months of my life unhappy for no reason.
My visa is also due to expire mid September which would also mean me forking out another $635 to re apply just to leave a month or two later.
Last week I tried to bring the move up to her and told her I wanted to book her visa and start looking at flights to which she didn’t really respond too and I felt like I was back at square one. I then asked her if she still wanted to move there with me to which she hesitantly replied yes to but didn’t really say anything else. I feel as if I just sank into myself and didn’t know how to even deal with it. I genuinely felt like I had got no where in the past 10 months of trying to speak to her about it I then told her I want to do this in September as that is when my visa expires and it is the perfect time to travel there before we need to find work.
She went silent on me and we didn’t say much for the next hour and I ended up feeling bad and didn’t try and bring it up that night again because I felt like I was In the wrong.
I have since seen her and haven’t been able to bring myself to even try and talk about it as I know she will just get upset and go silent with me again I physically feel like I can’t speak to her about it anymore but by not speaking to her my mental health is becoming terrible I think about this daily and all I want to do is plan it so I can finally look forward to it and think about quitting my job that is making me unhappy and actually do something I’ve always wanted to do which is travel.
I am honestly lost with in myself. I am miserable in this country and I want out and in ten months I have made no progress. She tells me she wants to come which keeps me happy I then try and make progress to book things and start planning it and getting excited with her and we hit a brick wall.
I feel like I just need to tell her I am booking my flight and if she isn’t ready then she can follow me over there when the time is right for her but I don’t know how to even go about it. I know when I try she will go silent with me and she will make me feel bad for not waiting for her but I honestly can’t put myself through any more waiting.
She has had close to a year to decide on this yet I feel as if I’m stuck in the exact same position I was when I first brought it up with her. I want her to come with me and I want to share this experience with her but I don’t know what to do in this situation at all but I want out of this country and I want to start planning it but I keep getting stopped in my tracks.
How do I bring this up to my partner in the nicest way possible and am I being unfair or am I doing the right thing?
Tl;dr I have tried for months to chase my dream and my partner has done nothing but delay me. I am now wanting to book my flight and don’t know how to tell her.

For context we were in a relationship for approximately 3 years and everything seemed great we were a good fit, understood and loved each other deeply, besides some disagreements that in my mind I thought they were normal because every couple has them.
The disagreements started two months ago when he out of the blue told me that he decided to leave to another state to work for 4 months to save some money for his family, for me it was okay that he decided to do that but the only issue was that he never said he planned that, he told me one day before he made everything ready, the plane tickets and resigning from his job in our country, his response for that was that he believes in bad eye.
Thinking that we had three years that we were together I wished i was included in this decision and that made me upset, the month prior to his departure was the one that we had the most arguments, him saying i wish you were more supportive and understanding and me saying that if you keep things from me now in the future you will do that again for more important things, also that i wish to be included in important decisions like this.
We never got to understand each other perspective, but still we made it work, before his departure both of us were crying and sad he also left me some of his things that he would get them when he came back. So i never thought we would break up because of these disagreements.
When he went abroad the first week was okay him sending me instagram reels how i make his life better, video calling and texting constantly, two days after the reel he became cold when texting and we argued the whole night because he was saying life cannot be spent with someone so emotional, so dramatic and not understanding, and that i made his life a living hell for the three years we were together. This came as a shock to me, I’ve never thought the situations was that bad we argued and talked and for a moment it seemed that everything was okay since he said im just overworked and stressed and im not sure what im feeling so we talk about this another time. We talked the upcoming days but he was being colder and more distant, I was mad that this happened like that so i kept pushing him to make a decision in what to do and his answers were only “I dont know” which made me more frustrated.
He suggested we keep talking and see were things would go, I did agree but he still was distant, we had an argument about it and in the heat of the moment he said lets end everything that we have right here.
Since i felt bad I started the argument and that I was really pushy for an answer I suggested to have some time alone and he agreed. Didn’t hear from him in some days so I decided to text him, I also did miss him and I wanted to talk. He was cold and said that he thinks were better off alone and he made his decision clear, not happy of how it happened i texted that this way was not fair it was selfish of him but over text you cannot say much, we just agreed that when he comes back after 4 more months he will take his stuff back.
After removing him from my socials we did talk once more when he accidentally sent an message and unsent it but i was able to see it and i texted him to at least get an explanation. He said that he didn’t want to repeat himself, the month prior to his departure was a living hell because of me he has been thinking about this for some time and that the distance made him understand that is better not to be together.
Its been two weeks I haven’t heard anything anymore, looks like his decision clear, I’m still in shock, confused and mad. I’ve never saw it coming since overall he’s been great and this was the first time it happened, also there were no signs prior to this.

Yesterday my mother brought up this subject that it would be a good idea for the family to travel to Kaaba and do Hajj, my father agreed but nothing is planned and he is not 100% sure if we'll go, my parents don't know that I'm an ex-muslim and I don't want to go to Hajj it's expensive and you just circle around a cube like an idiot for hours under the heat of the sun, on top of that I've cursed Islam so much it would be super hypocritical from me to perform Hajj.
None of my family have ever went to Kaaba so I don't know how it's going to be like, I'm not very optimistic to go there I don't want to support a stupid cube and feel awkwardly different among so many Muslims around me, and I don't know how do I tell my parents that I don't want to go there most importantly I feel bad for all the money my Father will have to pay to travel to Mecca in the first place.

1. Wasting money on changing names of places for no fuckin reason
2. Gender biased give away pathakalu sponsored by none other than the average tax payer who reaps no benefits of these schemes.
3. Uchha posinanta vaana padte.. gantal gantal current kothalu which never happened in ages.
4. Blames the opposition and employees of various departments to cover up his lack of accountability and responsibility towards development.
5. Instills outrage by filling people’s minds with a false narrative of the opposition out of sheer hatred.
6. Has very poor idea about how government actually works and legit calls himself gumpu mestri.

Have i said anything wrong? I genuinely want to know if there are any Pros to our new CM and the good he’s doing for the state.
PS: I am not anti towards any political party or entity. Just stating some very obvious and noticeable and agreeable truths of mine.
Shuru cheyyandi comments.

The whole thing started a week ago. My daughter(F14) asked me to let her drive my car. I have 2 cars a Porsche and a Kia. I never let anyone drive my Porsche. I love it too much to allow that. I do let her drive the Kia sometimes(if we are in a long, wide, straight road with no people or cars around). I said no to her and she got upset. We had a small fight about it but I though that was the end of it.
At night when I was asleep I got a call from her, crying and saying how sorry she is. I asked what has happened and where is she and she told me that she snuck out to drive my Porsche and got into an accident. I got her as fast as I could and thank god the accident was with a tree and my daughter was fine except for a mild concussion. I was very mad but I was so worried that I couldn't really feel any anger at the time. We took her to the hospital and once she was discharged I I finally started to feel angry. As soon as we got home I started yelling at her and told her she shouldn't have done that. She started to cry again and said "I'm sorry that I ruined your car. This is all you care about right?"
That is when I started seeing red. I yelled at her and told her that I can go buy another damn car but I can't go buy another damn daughter can I? I told her that she really overstepped by implying that I don't care about her health. I told her she is not getting any pocket money from now on and I'm taking away the money she had saved, she will write "I will never put myself in danger" 1000 times, she can forget about her ps5 and her laptop because I'm taking it all away, she will chose some of her stuff to donate, she will be cleaning all the toilets from now on and she is grounded. I haven't decided how long this should go on but I think doing it for about 6 months will teach her a lesson.
My wife thinks I'm an asshole and I'm overreacting because she is already sorry and learned her lesson and my wife thinks I'm just doing it because she "hurt my ego" by saying I care about my car more and my daughter has been crying every day and apologizing.

I work in the interior design space in the city of Mumbai. Very often we have these people who say they are ‘Mahtadi’ workers and we have to pay them to unload and load the material delivered on our sites even if we don’t want them to do the job. We HAVE TO pay them regardless of whether they do the job or not. If we don’t, they don’t let the material reach our site. On top of this, they demand a certain amount of money. We can’t pay them how much we think is okay. For eg: one guy said to pay him 15k for unloading 3 vehicles. I do not know the rates. Please can someone tell me more about this. Some people say this is legal and is the law. Extortion in my opinion is illegal but open to what you guys have to say and / or if you’ve experienced this ordeal before. I am enraged. This is not fair to honest, hard working taxpayers of the country!

I have a family member in Cuba that was sent a gift by a friend that lives in another country. Apparently the gift has certain modern gadgets.
Long story short, my family member is reaching out to me to pay for the package so they can receive it in Cuba. Apparently the person that sent her the gift did not know about the fee, cannot pay it from their country, or does not have the money to pay it. These are the 3 different reasons I’ve been given by my family member over the span of a week. It costs over $500 through Moneygram.
If they were to send it from Cuba, the delivery address goes to a certain US state. If I were to send it from the US, the delivery address is a completely different US state.
I searched for the email address of the courier that they have been communicating with and it did not bring up results online.
I image-searched for the logo in the emails from the courier and it brought up a company name. The name is only linked to a Facebook page with very few likes. Nothing else.
I’m very confused as to what do, and am very uncomfortable sending off that much money to a random address and company that does not seem legitimate.
Maybe I am ignorant and this is the way some things are done in Cuba. I really do want to help the family member. Please enlighten me. Any advice helps. Thank you.

little miss self-isolate when she's sad so she ghosted her highschool classmates, teachers, relatives and her bestfriends. basically everyone. yes, ako na yan. few years back, naglayas ako sa bahay namin and that's when it started. I wouldn't say I am doing good, working here in manila on my own, I suck at everything and life is generally difficult.
the ghosting initially started as late replies, hours to days, and then super late replies to weeks then months hanggang sa I felt like I waited too long na mag reply or makipagusap sa kanila after leaving them on read for that long hanggang sa umabot na this point.
the last time I spoke with them or seen them was 6 years ago and I spent those years depressed and withdrawn from anyone aside from my parents and other siblings para sa pagpapadala or other stuff. I've deleted all my socials and created a new fb account for messenger. laging deactivated pero online sa messenger for work stuff.
really, gaano ba kahirap I open yung messenger and click on someone's profile to chat them, "hoy, miss na kita, long time no see. kamusta naman na u?" mag tatype lang naman diba? ik it's not hard but for some reason, I feel anxious whenever I try. For one, I don't think I could just comeback into someone's life after ghosting them. I also feel like mas okay sila or happier yung friendgroup without me.
isolating your self when shit goes bad is definitely my habit. I'm not proud and hindi din siya healthy. another thing, nakakasakit ng ibang tao, specially the ones you bonded with for a long time. If sa side ng family ko, nah fuck them, but I do miss my best friends so much. I wish na nashe share ko sakanila mga good things na I know we would talk and laugh about. I wish I could tell them how some days nawawalan ako ng ganang mabuhay or feel like I'm not worthy of anything because, I don't feel like I deserve any of their attention and neither do they need mine.
idk why I feel nostalgic now, one of my bestfriends reached out actually and baka dahil dun. I know hindi ako magrereply, I just feel sorry for her and for me because I'm still stuck on this cycle.

Lately I (F21) have been very aware of my body. I think it’s a form of anxiety where I am really aware that other people can see me, which makes me feel very uncomfortable because I don’t like what they’re looking at. I feel like I’m covered in a layer of shit and every thing I say and do is really annoying. This results in me not saying or doing much in social situations, which makes it even worse because then I think everyone will think I am sad or annoying because I don’t contribute anything to the evening.
I know this is probably not true and people don’t notice me as much as I think they do, but telling myself that doesn’t really help because I still feel disgusting. I am flat chested and insanely tall and every time I see something or someone that confronts me with how my body looks compared to “normal” the feeling only gets worse. It goes so far now that every time I watch anime or play a video game where there’s pretty girls I get this knot in my stomach because of how weird I look. Which in turn makes me annoyed at myself because I used to not care about being unattractive and now it’s all I can see. Games like stellar blade are really upsetting to me because of how perfect Eve looks and how elegant she is, I notice that every time I see something of her on Reddit (or any girls that are pretty) I get pulled in to a negative spiral of thoughts about my own appearance and all the sexual appeal I lack. Reddit is filled with pretty girls so I keep getting stuck in this mindset. Also, touching some grass won’t help either because I might run into someone that looks pretty and I’m back in that mindset again.
I just want to be able to accept how I look, so that I can move on with my life. Does anyone have some advice? Before you say ‘get off social media’, I don’t have any except for Reddit. All advice is welcome :) thanks in advance