I am an immigrant and I rent my apartment with my boyfriend, my partner. My visa is connected to him.
We have been living in his sister's apartment in Amsterdam since November. Even though she is his sister and is back there, asked for the apartment back from the previous tenant so she could rent it to us, she is hiding her lack of action as landlord and excusing all the current problems and she charges 1400 euros per month for a 50m2 apartment covered in mold.
My boyfriend and I signed the contract as co-tenants, and she asked for a deposit in the amount of one month. We moved in November, but only by the end of the month because the month was used to fix the apartment paying out of my pocket, and doing things like installing the floor and painting walls since no repair or inspection had been done after the last tenant left and before we became tenants. At that time it bothered me a lot, but since she was pregnant and I was sick, I tried to be patient.
One thing is that I have been extremely sick all this time, and ended up hospitalized multiple times. I have been diagnosed with a rare, chronic neurological disease, and the symptoms are so debilitating I have become disabled due to my senses, especially my vision, being compromised. I am on sick leave because I can't see or hear properly, with the risk of becoming permanently blind. More importantly: I live with debilitating pain because of my illness. To the point, it causes harsh consequences for me in every single aspect of my life.
It didn't take me more than 15 minutes in this house to start seeing problems like mold in the whole kitchen - impossible to store anything. I saw mold in the bathroom and the bedroom as well. I have been losing my mind over this, and I paid for repairs myself like I did.
My boyfriend and his sister, who is our landlord, have been communicating about all this between themselves and not by writing. I knew something was going on, and while my boyfriend and I are having huge problems between us because of all this, she has been constantly dismissed as well. I did not have the ability to check for more damage stuck in a bed dissociating with pain and unable to see anything, that’s why I understand I was disrespected by both.
Recently she decided to lower the rent to 1k euros (and I didn't hear a word from her about it) because of his complaints. After I checked that by the point system, she couldn't charge more than 850 euros for a place like this - and this is without mentioning mold, leak, and damage.
She is refusing to reimburse me for any damage or for the rent that was charged full price for an apartment that is rotting in mold.
I want to remember that NO inspection happened. She has charging 1400 euros since November 1st and we only could move on November 19th because of the repair we had to do ourselves and the refusal to reimburse us at the time. I have been spending hundreds of euros because of mold, things destroyed by mold and mold products, and I am very allergic to mold and to it. This also makes my headaches caused by the neurological disease unbearable for me. The thing is that I can't even have money to afford my medical bills or think about going back to my home country because of these costs. I never visited my home country since I left because of financial issues, and seeing to whom and how my money is being poorly handled is adding an amount of stress that freaks me out.
I ended up being immobilized by the police inside my own house this week after I reached a point of complete pain. The day I got my diagnosis was also a day the police were called by neighbors due to my constant screams and crying about paying. That day the doctors couldn't reject a test they had been rejecting for more than a year and I knew it was necessary in my case. The procedure is extremely invasive but involves a 15cm needle through my spine to measure my intracranial hypertension, which was and is extremely high.
I had to write to her this week, making a huge effort, to say that I am not accepting being left off the conversation anymore and that things should be communicated by writing.
Since they (she and her brother) don't respect me or my money while I'm extremely sick, I have to take action myself. I will not accept this woman having money while she not only has a place to live, but it's the owner of a place like this and she chooses to rent for this price. She clearly said that she won't pay for anything back because my boyfriend “didn't communicate clearly enough”.
This desperate me as this person is taking advantage of me, someone who once was healthy and stable, working as a passionate primary teacher, and who became disabled and insane of miscare of Dutch doctors and an abusive landlord who happens to be my sister-in-law. I don't have the money to afford to go back to my home country in an emergency anymore. I once had, but I had paid for thousands of euros to repair this place, besides the rent.
Of course, I am extremely disappointed with the attitude my partner has been taking and the relationship is also coming to an end because of this.
I don't want to keep having conversations to try to address these problems, and they insist on doing that - remember I was not part of ANY conversation, and even when she showed up unexpectedly one day in March, they talked in Dutch and don't let me know what's going on. Nothing had been written or said to me until I wrote to her this week.
So, for myself, what can I do? I will just not accept having this person with her pocket full of my money while I feel like I'm dying every day and I can't see or think straight due to my neurological condition.
I am looking for the best outcome for me, and not for me and my partner anymore. What can I do to protect myself in this situation? What are the possibilities of having all this money spent here and the past rents, charged full price, reimbursed? What is the best course of action I can take?
Sorry for the typos and confusion. I struggle to see and I have severe brain fog because of my condition.
Thanks in advance for your time.

Quick Summary:

This post will contain spoilers for both Season 15, and Restoration.
With the release of Restoration, Red vs Blue has finally come to an end, and it was a pretty solid ending for the most part amid a few flaws here and there, but most I think would agree it was a Satisfying ending. However as I said before it has a few problems. One being is that we don't know if Restoration actually happend, or if it's also a simulation much like The Shisno Trilogy, and Zero.
Secondly even though some people didn't like The Shisno Trilogy retconing it removes all of the major delevompment certain characters went through. Such as Grif, Donut, and Washington. I think The Shisno Trilogy defenitntly handled their characters better then Restoration did. So I'm going to give my version of what happend after the battle on The Staff of Charon, and see if we can fix some of the mistakes of both The Shisno Trilogy, and Restoration.

Season 15 Prelude:

So in my rewrite I'm going to have both Season 15, and Restoration happen, but there will be some tweeks, and changes added to them. One such change will be Tucker's descent into becoming The New Meta, rather then it just happening offscreen. We see this through Tucker behaving much more differently then he normally would. He often gets angry for unknown reasons, or behaves more violently then he normally would. All of this is a result of him being influinced by both Sigma, and Omega. Personally I think Omega would help Sigma with his goals as long as Sigma gave Omega something in return.

Season 15:

Now let's get into the actual Season. So Season 15 Episode 1 Prolouge goes the same as it does in the original, with The Blues and Reds attacking a UNSC base, and killing everyone there. Dylan Andrews then does her report with Frank, she deciedes to track The Reds and Blues down, Frank is replace by Jax, and together they head to Blood Gulch, meet sister, and VIC, Dylan makes a deal with VIC that he will give her "Three wishes", and then she, and Jax go to Sidewinder, meet Specncer, and Encounter The Blues and Reds. So far Season 15 seems to be going exactaly the same as it did before right, well here's where the first difference comes. Dylan doesn't immendidlty put together put together that they aren't the real Reds, and Blues. This is because Surge actually has a shotgun, and they all have voice filters to sound like the Reds, and Blues.
Anyways after all that instead of going to Chorus, Dylan and Jax decied to go to other places The Reds and Blues have been starting with Zanzibar. There they wouldn't find much, but I think Dylan would at least try to see if she could find any information on the computer Gamma hacked, but probably wouldn't find anything.
There next stop would be Valhalla. There they would first check out The Blue Base, find nothing, and then they would check out The Red Base, where they would find the holgraph training thing Sarge had Lopez built. Once again they wouldn't find anything they would help with their investagation.
Oh by the way the call between Dylan and James would still happen in Episode 4 at Zanziabar and it would go the same as in the original Season.
Anyways then then go to the sandy place with The Temple, then where the Reds and Tucker got destroyed by Tex, and even where they confronted The Director, but they find nothing, and Dylan is about to Give Up when Jax suggest that why not go to the place The Reds and Blues were last known to be, Chorus. Dylan calls Jax a genius, and they head of to Chours. Again this goes exactaly the same as it did in the original version, but with one major difference, Doc would be on Chours working at Donald Doyle General Hosptial as Doctor Grey's assisatant, but once he here's about The Reds and Blues he too like Sister, Grey, and Kimball believes that The Reds and Blues wouldn't go evil, despite all they've put him through. So after getting the info from Kimball, Dylan, Jax, and Doc would all go to The Reds and Blues are on. Doc apologizes to Grey for leaving, but she assures him it's okay, and that he wasn't really that good at opperating, no offense of course. Anyways they go to the planet, the same Star Wars Parody scene happens, and Dylan finally meets The Real Reds and Blues. Cabooose still falls of the cliff, The Reds and Blues kind of have a small reaction to Doc like "Oh Doc what are you doing here". Doc then tries to explain only for The Reds and Blues to say that "No one cares", then they tell their story. It's exactaly the same, but Carolina does point out Tucker's weird behavior from being influnced by Sigma, and Omgea, but they all just blow it off as a phase, and then they get the SOS from Church.
And that's where Season 15 would end. Now I'm sure some of you are going to question why I shorten Season 15 to only about 10 episodes instead of the Original 20, well that was because of Dylan and Jax. See one of my main issues with Season 15 was the lack of development the two new characters got. I mean what did we learn about either of them throughout the Season? Um Dylan was a reporter, Jax wants to make movies, Dylan has a husband she's distant from, and that's about it, and as soon as The Reds and Blues come back into the picture, both Dylan and Jax basically get sidelinded. For me that was my biggest disappointment from Season 15, and is the main reason why I added episodes of Dylan and Jax going to these other places The Reds and Blues have been was so we could learn more about Dylan and Jax.
One thing I think we could learn about is why Dylan is so distant from her husband, here's my take on the reason why. Dylan can't have kids. When Dylan gets the call from James, Jax could ask her why she's so distant from him, to which Dylan would say that it's none of his buisness, then Jax can drop it, and tell Dylan his life story, then in Chorus Lessons Dylan can tell Jax about her being unable to reproduce, she explains to him that other then being a reporter one of her biggest dreams was to be a mom, she and James tried so many times, but nothing worked, so they went to the doctors where they got the news that Dylan was infertal. This revlation devestated Dylan, and she started to distants herself from James, and burry herself in her work. James did suggest things like Adoption, or a Surragate Mom, but Dylan didn't want to do either of does. I know it's not the best story for Dylan, but I just wanted more from her and Jax, instead of them just being sidelinded after The Reds and Blues came back into the picture. Anyways onto the New Season 16.

Season 16:

So yeah Season 16 is just the rest of Season 15 honestly, and for the most part everything goes exactaly The Same. Grif quits still, Carolina and Washington go to search for their old Freelancer friends, and The rest of The Reds and Blues along with Dylan and Jax try to trace Church's message. Everything from their goes the same, including the meeting with Spencer. It's when they meet The Blues and Reds where it's different. When they first meet it goes basically the same where The Blues and Reds claim that they're the good guys, and its The UNSC who are the bad guys, but Tucker does not trust them one bit because they are still going around pretending to be The Reds and Blues, with Tucker even questioning how Dylan couldn't tell they were fakes. Anyways the go into the underwater base, and here's where we get some differences. First of all The Blues and Reds and not the originals, they are just copycats. Doc also never knew them, and there's a little moment of him asking if they have their own Doc, and getting kind of dissapointed that their isn't.
Here's another major difference. It's Sigma who convinces Tucker to not trust Dylan, and to instead trust The Blues and Reds, and espesically Temple. After that everything from Wash and Carolina's relationship getting forming, to The Blues and Reds capturing them goes the same.
Now we get to The Blues and Reds story of why they are doing all of this. Now like I said before they are not the originals like in the canon version of Season 15, and honestly coming up with a different story for them was hard, and this was all I could think of. They were part of The UNSC Resistance, and took part in the battle of the Sargaughcas in Season 9. We still get that whole think of Biff and Temple being friends, and Biff wanting to go home to be with his wife, but this time instead of him asking Temple to shoot him, he was already given permission to leave, and this would have been his last mission. Unfourtnetly he is killed during the battle by Carolina and Tex. As for why The Blues and Reds are pretending to be The Reds and Blues? They saw the article Dylan wrote and that's what gave Temple the idea to pretend to be The Reds and Blues.
Anyways The Reds, and Blues discover The Blues and Reds are evil, Doc, and Sarge join The Blues, and Reds, The Reds, and Blues are captured, Lopez gets launched into Space, runs into Locus, and gets Grif. Grif, Lopez, and Felix go to save The Reds and Blues, free Wash and Carolina, with Wash all loopy, Sarge apologizes, and the fire fight happens. Here we would also see more of Sigma, and Omega influnicing Tucker, primarily Omega during this part since Tucker is angry, and of course Wash gets shot in the Neck.
So after that everything goes exactaly the same as it does in the original with The Reds and Blues, Dylan, and Jax all heading to Earth to stop The Blues and Reds.
Okay now for the Final Battle aganist The Blues and Reds, for the most part it's the same. Sarge and Surge's fight to Sarge accidendtly killing Surge, Grif, and Simmons figthing Gene and leaving him, and Loronzeo getting kicked into space, as well as Cronut blowing up in The Tank, but surving.
Now for the differnces. First off Loco's machine is not a time machine, but it will still causes mass destruction, and possibly destroy the planet so it needs to be stopped. Tucker beats Buckey even worse then he does in the original, breaking nearly all of his bones. This is again because of Omega. Anyways once we get to the final battle against Temple it all goes the same. Temple accidently kills Loco, VIC dies stopping the Machine, and Loco gives Caboose some batteires for Freckles. Now for the differnces. First there's no door that opens to Blood Gulch, and Alpha Church, The Machine just gets destroyed by VIC. Donut still gets shot by a bolt of electricty, but it does nothig except give him a little jolt. Oh and everything that happend with Doc went the same.
Now for Temple's fate. This time Tucker actually kills Temple, quite violently to, shocking everyone. Carolina then says "Tucker, what have you done"? to which Tucker, who's voice is mixed with Sigma's says. "Tucker is gone, I am The Meta"! Tucker now complety controlled by Sigma runs off, gets into Dylan's ship and flies off leaving everyone in shock. Then The Chours crew comes with Sister who reuintes with Grif, and the others are informed of Wash's recover, but then Caboose ask what they are going to do about Tucker, which Carolina says she doesn't know. Season 16 ends with Tucker returing to the base where The Reds and Blues were stationed after Chorus. He opens a door, to a room where The Meta's old armor was stored. Tucker then puts on the Armor and faces the screen in a scene similar to when Maine became The First Meta.
So yeah Season 16 aka The Rest of Season 15 didn't have a lot of changes other then changing the Origins of The Blues, and Reds, and showing more of Tucker's desent into becoming The New Meta. So let's move onto The Final Season.

Restoration:

So I think the best place to start The Final Season is to have The Reds and Blues first go to Chorus to check on Wash. As for Dylan and Jax, they stay behind since they can't fight The Meta. Anyways The Reds and Blues arrive on Chorus, and Carolina goes to see Wash in the Hospital, she wants to tell him about what happend to Tucker, but Wash doesn't let her at first, and instead tells the story about his cat. He tells the story about five times, so Carolina ask Doctor Grey about what's going on, and she tells Carolina about Wash's Cerebal Hypoxia. Now here's where we get our first difference. Carolina tells Wash about his condition, and does not hide it from him. Wash of course is devestated after learning this, but isn't as angry as he was in the original Season since Carolina was honest with him, but then she tells Wash about Tucker, and this causes an argument between the two of them, Carolina wants Wash to stay behind on Chorus while she and the others take care of Tucker, but Washington is insitant that he comes along saying how Tucker is his friend, and he's not going to sit back while Tucker suffers. Try as she might Carolina cannot convince Wash to stay behind.
While that was going on The Reds and Blues come back with the Message from Church. Of coruse Carolina, is skeptical at first considering what happend with the last message from Church, but Epsilon, who somehow new about all of this is able to prove he is real.
Okay so that's basically it for differnces, as everything else goes the same as it does in the original film with the acception that Sister, Wash, Carolina, Donut, Lopez, and Doc are all there the whole time. There would also be more scences of Tucker trying to fight off Sigma's influnce
Now for The Battle on The Staff of Charon with The Meta, here is where we would see Wash's injury effecting him, and it gets to a point where The Meta is about to kill him, only for Doc to sacrfice himself to save him. So yeah Doc still dies, but this time it's onscreen. As for Sarge, he dies too, same way he does in the original film, but the difference is that Sarge doesn't choose to abandon Caboose at first, he dies saving Caboose.
Final battle in Blood Gulch is The Same, with Tex coming back, but also Junior too. They fight and defeat Sigma, and Free Tucker. Caboose then destroys the Memory Unit.
Now for the ending. Grif doesn't leave like he does in the original film, Simmons does still offer it to him, but Grif chooses to stay. One thing The Shisno Trilogy did good was Grif's character arc. He realized that he needs the others in his life, no matter how much he doesn't want to admit it, he went crazy when he was all alone. Washington's character was something else done well in The Shisno Trilogy, his struggle with Brain Damage, and having to come over it, which is one of the biggest reasons why I hate Zero when they just said that he somehow got cured from that offscreen.
Finally with everything fixed, The Reds and Blues all decied to remain on Blood Gulch. Red Base has Simmons, Grif, Donut, and Lopez, while Blue Base has Caboose, Tucker, Washington, Carolina, Sister, and Junior.
Oh one more thing, they also had a memorial for Doc too. Donut is the first one mouring Doc, with Simmons, and the others eventually joining as well, and it's here where they finally acknowledge all the terrible things they did to Doc over the years, and genuinally apologize to him, even if Doc can't here them

Conclusion:

And there we go, my rewrite of Season 15, and Restoration. I know it's not perfect, and believe me a billon other people could do a trillon times better then I ever could, but I just wanted to talk about my take on how I would try to handle The End of Red vs Blue.

I’m in a very very competitive niche, and people continually steal my ads/landing page content. Sometimes it’s a direct clone of my ads too.
It’s happening weekly at this point and is annoying because their ads and landing pages are terrible, and mine are running with a super high ROAS. So they’ve started to just clone it all.
I run mobile only ads, because of the product I am advertising.
I thought about making my desktop site look ugly and terrible (hiding the headline, hiding all the useful stuff etc), whilst keeping the mobile site looking great. They wouldn’t realise I’ve done this when they view my landing pages from the ad library, and would look at my desktop site and think it’s not worth copying.
Would this impact my ad performance at all? I wondered if the FB algo occasionally looks at the landing page content, and if it saw the desktop site basically empty it might think it’s a spam site and penalise me for it.

The fact is, that even in the summer it is incredibly hot the only thing tough to do may be the decision to some clothes, because of this it reminds you of everybody and a lot of things but don't worry! Don't worry at all that a warm day would make you an odd man in the choir. The smart method to go about this is to strive to be the unique individual who is amongst a crowd of many.
1. Opt for Breathable Fabrics: The springtime attire requires a light, non-fridge fabric the cotton, linen or chambray will be the main fabrics for the upcoming summer collection. Indeed, they don't only let the air pass through and make easy movement with no sweat.
2. Go Sleeveless: Visualize savouring the moments life brings from time to time that never lasts, and lock in on the trendy sleeveless clothes. this will make life present. The sleeveless fashion is for you, give it a chance. These clothes are desirable not just for their convenience but more so for the fact that they are ideal outfits because you can also gracefully highlight your beautiful skin-tan tone with them.
3. Loose and Flowy Silhouettes: Nevertheless, I do not recommend those tight clothes that are useless to hide your body shape, and instead try to look like a natural beauty by wearing loose and comfy clothes, that are not designed to expose your curves. Consequently, cover dresses, soft-knitted tops, and wide-flared pants are the most convenient outfits to wear during the hot summer season because they coincide with the heat and the brightness of the hot season perfectly.
4. Light Colors and Prints: The types of colours used, such as white, pastels and a slightly lighter shade of beige, will act as the mirrors that are the sun and they will, therefore, reflect heat so that you feel even cooler than the dark shades. And in addition, it should be one of the things to be under consideration. Let's have a look at wild and refreshing summer prints for an added punch to your summer apparel – dots, flowers, stripes or colourful graphics inspired by the sea and beach, to add some extra zest to your wardrobe.
5. Accessorize Wisely: Be on tier with the latest trends by collecting multirole designer accessories too. Give a mysterious look and powerful sun protection a go and you will realize that, yes, my woven or floppy hat is the accessory you can't miss! Wear the scarves flawlessly that add a sense of decorum to your style. Write a wonderful essay on the above concept: How social media shapes teens' psychological health.
Along with the remaining stage our goal is to shop for the right summer outfit that is sure to make you fashionable with a touch of stylish flavour on top. In this regard, just don't be afraid to bring in your floppy-brim hat fashionably, and boldly dress wearing your street clothes so that you will be able to become the summer fashionista.

(continuation of part 1)

III. Searching for Aerith Beyond FFVII

There were absolutely no answers in Remake or OG (at this point in my research, Rebirth wasn’t released yet), no matter how much I looked; nothing at all hinted at how Cloud could’ve obtained the memories of OG that emerge in Remake as MOTFs. I knew I had to look elsewhere to search for more clues, so I decided to check every piece of media ever released by SE with a mention of Cloud or Aerith in it, digging for hints in the compilation and beyond.
And boy, did I find them.
III. a) Core Worlds and Suspension Worlds
There are a couple of general FF rules that we need to establish before going forward.
It’s important to note that there are multiple realms in which the FF stories take place, each with a different name, history and society. This ensures that all FF stories occur separately, never intercepting or interacting— though they do have creatures like moogles and chocobos in common, as well as concepts like airships, gil, magic and some form of crystal. For simplicity, I will refer to these separate worlds in which the numbered FF games (FFI, FFII, FFIII, etc) occur as “core worlds”.
Characters from different core worlds may appear together in non-numbered FF games, the events of which have no impact on the core world at all: it seems that sometime after a FF character has reached the end of their core world’s plot-line, they may somehow be summoned to far-removed realms where they will face new adventures. I call these far-removed realms “suspension worlds”. One example of a FF game that takes place in a suspension world is Dissidia Final Fantasy, wherein characters from multiple core worlds unite to accomplish a mission as a team.
III. b) Final Fantasy Tactics
First on our list of non-compilation SE games to explore is 1997’s Final Fantasy Tactics (FFT), a game whose plot takes place in the suspension world of Ivalice. Let’s plot out the relevant events, and then analyze!
III. b) i. Fact-Finding
The main character of FFT, Ramza, encounters a brunette flower peddler with Aerith’s iconic, gravity-defying bangs:
\"Aeris\" in FFT's Ivalice
If you choose to buy a flower from her, she express her relief: apparently, business isn’t going well because no one is interested in flowers. The girl wistfully dreams aloud:

“When is my knight in shining armor going to take me away from here...?”

Later, Ramza and his companions encounter a mysterious machine that can summon people from across universes. The machine is activated, and a rather rude young man with spiky blonde hair appears. Cloud claims he used to be in SOLDIER, and says the last thing he remembers is “getting stuck in the current”. He looks to be disoriented and lost, and suffers from piercing headaches. Mere moments after being summoned to Ivalice, Cloud rambles:

“What’s this? My fingers are tingling… My eyes… they’re burning… Stop… stop it [Se]phiroth…”

He dashes out of the room, but not without announcing:

“I must go… must go to that place…”

Outside, Cloud encounters the brunette flower girl Ramza met earlier. She offers Cloud a flower, but he only stares at her wordlessly:

“Flower girl: Buy a flower? Only 1 gil.
Cloud: …
Flower girl: Something wrong? Do I resemble someone?”
Cloud: No… it’s nothing.”

As soon as Cloud leaves, a gang of ruffians surround the flower girl and start harassing her, demanding payment that’s apparently overdue. One of them finally calls her by her name: “Aeris”. He grabs her, insinuating that he might sexually assault her in lieu of payment. Aeris is not strong enough to push him away. That’s when Cloud returns:

“Cloud: Get your hand off her!
Thug: What did you say!?
Cloud: Didn't you hear me? Get your dirty hand off her!
[…]
Cloud, to Aeris: Go… now.”

Aeris heeds Cloud’s advice, fleeing the scene before a fight between Cloud and the thug can break out. After Cloud scares the ruffians off with the help of Ramza and his companions, he speaks once more:

“I lost… something very important… Ever since, I’ve been lost […]. What should I do? What about this pain [?] Must go… to the Promised Land.”

III. b) ii. Fact Analysis
There’s a lot to unpack here, all of which you probably clocked in your head upon reading, but let’s put it down in writing.
While FFT Cloud’s memory is far from perfect, the Aeris he encounters in Ivalice doesn’t recognize him at all. FFVII Ultimania Omega addresses this question without answering it:

“[The flower seller’s] name is Aeris, and she has the same appearance and tone of voice as the Aeris of FFVII. However, when she comes across Cloud, she does not recognize him. Could she really be the same Aerith who appears in FFVII but with memory loss, or is she a completely different character?” (“#4 Proof of Omega”, “FFVII in Other Games”, “Final Fantasy Tactics”, page 560).

Regardless of her unknown identity and inability to recognize Cloud, FFT Aeris’ fantasy of a “knight in shining armor” is quite reminiscent of the flower girl/bodyguard dynamic we’ve come to know and love. Cloud’s armor doesn’t shine, but in my opinion, if you’re looking for the dystopian, corporatocratic equivalent of a knight, you can’t get much closer than a supposed-former-SOLDIER-turned-bodyguard. Additionally, despite his rude and cold attitude toward Ramza’s gang, the urgency with which Cloud swoops in to save the flower girl from the ruffians betrays a softer, warmer side to him: the flower girl/bodyguard dynamic strikes again!
FFT Cloud’s dialogue borrows two lines from the speech OG Cloud makes as Aerith lies dead in his arms (disk 1, chapter 28): “My fingers are tingling. My mouth is dry. My eyes are burning!” and “What are we supposed to do? What about my pain?” You might’ve noticed that this glimpse of grief Cloud experiences in FFT bears a resemblance to the fourth MOTF 4 experienced by Remake Cloud (see section “II. a)”). Could it be that FFT Cloud and Remake Cloud have something in common?
Shortly after being summoned to Ivalice, FFT Cloud declares that he must go to “that place”, a mysterious line that is later elucidated when he tells Ramza that he must go to the Promised Land and find the “very important” thing he’s lost. The Promised Land is the Cetra culture’s afterlife, meaning FFT Cloud is looking for someone who’s died, someone “very important” to him. OG suggests this is none other than Aerith:

“Cait Sith, reading Cloud’s fortune: You will find [what] you pursue. However, you will lose the most precious thing” (disk 1, chapter 16, English translation by Kotaku’s “Let’s Mosey: A Slow Translation of Final Fantasy Seven: Part Eight” by Tim Rogers, 9:42-9:52).

&

“Cloud, after seeing Aerith’s hand reach for him through the Lifestream: … I think I'm beginning to understand.
Tifa: What?
Cloud: An answer from the Planet… the Promised Land... I think I can meet her... there” (disk 3, chapter 3).

Finally, let’s try to understand where on the OG timeline Cloud was summoned to this suspension world from and what he remembers. His comment about getting stuck in a current has to be about the Lifestream; apparently, on top of its atemporal nature, it can act as a conduit to other worlds. One only enters the Lifestream if they’ve somehow fallen into the core of the planet or once they’ve passed away and returned to the planet. Both scenarios merit consideration.
On the one hand, it’s possible that Cloud was summoned to Ivalice after he and Tifa fall into the core of the planet: this point in the FFVII OG timeline occurs after Aerith’s death and shortly before Cloud finds out he was never SOLDIER, which matches the gaps in FFT Cloud’s memory quite well. However, this scenario does not account for the vagueness with which FFT Cloud remembers Aerith and her death. Most importantly, Cloud’s realization that he can find Aerith in the Promised Land occurs much later in the game (FFVII OG, disk 3, chapter 3) than when he falls into the Lifestream with Tifa (FFVII OG, disk 2, chapter 8).
On the other hand, FFT Cloud’s vague yet persistent memories of Aerith suggest that he’s been summoned to Ivalice after his eventual death post-OG, but also that he’s lost quite a large portion of his memories. His incomplete memory loss is likely the result of Cloud’s individuality’s erosion by the Lifestream after death, which we discussed in section “II. a) ii.”. We can therefore surmise that by the time he is summoned to Ivalice from the Lifestream, Cloud has been dead for long enough that the Lifestream eroded a large portion of the memories of his lifetime. This post-death scenario is likelier than the first. The memory of Cloud’s realization that he was never SOLDIER must be gone, which explains why he claims otherwise upon being summoned to Ivalice. Contrastingly, vestiges of Cloud’s OG memories of Aerith cling to his soul, even after others have been wiped clean. Could this be a consequence of their soulmate bond? Could the strength of Cloud’s love and grief for Aerith have made his memories of her stronger and more difficult for the Lifestream to erode? Could it be both?
One thing is clear: Aerith is of fundamental importance to Cloud, even when he can’t quite remember her. In fact, the only other character he remembers and/or mentions in FFT is Sephiroth. It does make sense that the memories of those who have marked one’s soul forevermore would be the most difficult for the Lifestream to erode.
III. c) Dissidia Final Fantasy
The next stop on our travels through suspension worlds is 2008’s Dissidia Final Fantasy! Now strap in, because here’s where things get really serious.
III. c) i. Fact Finding
In the suspension world of Dissidia Final Fantasy (DFF), the goddess of harmony Cosmos and the god of discord Chaos are engaged in a never-ending cycle of conflict. Both deities need warriors to fight on their behalf, so they recruit core world characters into their respective teams by summoning them to DFF. Some of these summoned characters are FFIV’s Cecil, FFVI’s Terra, FFVII’s Sephiroth, FFX’s Tidus, and of course, FFVII’s Cloud. The warriors find themselves in the suspension world of DFF with no memories of their core worlds’ plotlines. However, as the DFF adventure progresses, they are able to recover pieces of their memories here and there. It isn’t clear how much they come to remember. Ultimately, the warriors hope to return home to their core worlds by fighting in this war and seeing to its end.
Cloud is summoned to DFF as a warrior on the side of Chaos, who seeks to destroy all existence. Sephiroth is also on Chaos’ side, meaning the two are teammates despite being enemies in their core world of FFVII. It just so happens that Tifa is a summoned warrior in DFF too, though she’s fighting on Cosmos’ side. Intrigued by her vague familiarity, Sephiroth hypothesizes that killing Tifa will bring back his memories of OG’s plot line: before long, the masamune wielder finds Tifa alone and corners her into a one-on-one fight. Thankfully, Cloud swoops in and saves her before Sephiroth can do any harm. Tifa is thankful for Cloud’s help, though confused that Cloud would elect to assist her and turn against a fellow warrior of Chaos; she doesn’t remember what Sephiroth and Cloud mean to each other in OG. In fact, Tifa doesn’t even remember Cloud’s name or that they share a core world, though Cloud feels somewhat familiar to her. For his part, Cloud at least remembers that Tifa is someone he cares about from his core world. As Tifa thanks Cloud for saving her from Sephiroth, something she says elicits an odd reaction from the warrior of Chaos:

“Tifa: The way you showed up and fought that guy off. It was a pretty cool thing to watch. You were like a hero, charging in to save the girl.
Cloud gasps at her words. She doesn’t notice” (Dissidia 012: Treachery of the Gods, report 5: “Unexpected Fulfillment 2”).

On another note, Cloud knows he will have to fight Tifa once the Cosmos-Chaos conflict comes to a head, as they are on opposing teams. He thinks to himself:

“Once [her] memories return, [she]’ll lose the will to fight just like I have. So... Before that can happen, I have to act...” (Dissidia 012: Treachery of the Gods, report 5: “Unexpected Fulfillment 2”).

In order to end the cycle of the conflict and to avoid fighting Tifa, Cloud decides to try and defeat Chaos himself. Predictably, Cloud is no match for the deity. As he dies, Cloud pleads the following to the goddess Cosmos:

“Cosmos, goddess of harmony. If you can hear me, listen to my plea. I beg you. Save her. Save my friend… Tifa.”

Cosmos hears him and responds immediately:

“Cosmos: An end to this conflict, and a life spared? This is your heart's desire? If your will remains unchanged, I shall bring you here when the battle draws to a close. Cloud. My chosen" (Dissidia 0.13: Treachery of the Gods, report 7: “Unexpected Fulfillment 3”).

Cloud’s wish is granted by Cosmos: the first phase of the conflict ends without Tifa getting hurt, and she is sent away from the suspension world of DFF before the second phase begins. Cloud is saved from death, and Cosmos enlists him into her team of warriors for phase two: this time, Cloud is fighting on the good side.
Now we enter phase two of the war. Cosmos tells her team of ten core world warriors that in order to save the world from Chaos’ destruction, they must collect what she describes as crystals containing the power to persist through darkness. I call these the “DFF crystals”. There are ten DFF crystals in total: one for every warrior in Cosmos’ group to find. To obtain their crystal, each hero must overcome a trial that will confront them with whatever personal struggle they faced in their core world; if they prove themselves worthy, their DFF crystal will appear to them. On one hand, some warriors’ DFF crystals simply take the form of the crystals found in their core world. For example, Onion Knight’s DFF crystal looks to be nothing more than one of FFIII’s elemental crystals, which hold little to no personal significance to him. On the other hand, some warriors’ DFF crystals symbolize something more personal to their respective warriors. For instance, Cecil’s DFF crystal looks to be one of FFIV’s dark crystals, which specifically represent the dichotomy of light and darkness he struggles with in his core world’s plot line. Cosmos describes the quest for the DFF crystals as follows:

“Cosmos: The crystals embody the strength to face despair. With ten gathered, there is hope yet to save the world. The path to your crystal will be perilous... and different for each and every one of you. But you must believe in and follow your own path. Even if you know not where that path leads" (Dissidia 013: Light to All, prologue: “A Final Hope”).

From this exposition, simply keep in mind that: Cloud must find his crystal by overcoming a personal trial, and his crystal may have the appearance of an object in OG that’s important to him.
Once the team is debriefed on their mission, Cloud remains reticent to fight; he doesn’t much like the mysterious nature of this conflict. Not knowing exactly what they’re all fighting for is clearly bothersome to the swordsman, and the idea of thoughtlessly engaging in battles leaves a bad taste in his mouth. Fellow warrior Firion understands that without a reason to fight, Cloud’s heart just isn’t in it. He imparts upon Cloud that he must have a dream he’s fighting to protect, something he wants to see come true, to motivate him to stop Chaos from destroying all existence. Unfortunately, Cloud doesn’t have a dream to preserve, or can’t find one for himself:

“Cloud: I've looked, but I'm still empty-handed. And without a dream, what do you suppose I should do? […] Maybe what I'm looking for... isn't here” (Dissidia 0.13: Light to All, chapter 1: “Beyond Doubt”, “Gateway of Good and Evil”).

Another fellow warrior, Cecil, expresses worry for Cloud, whose response evokes the main theme of FFVII OG:

“Cecil: Everyone's worried, Cloud. But... Do you shoulder a larger concern?
Cloud: Concern... Maybe a sense of loss" (Dissidia 0.13: Light to All, chapter 1: “Beyond Doubt”, “Beyond the Continent”).

Whatever Cloud is looking for “isn’t [there]”, and he feels “a sense of loss”: Cloud’s motivating dream has been lost to him. This is later reasserted in a conversation with Terra, another warrior of Cosmos:

“Terra: And you, Cloud... What's your dream?
Cloud: I've lost mine" (Dissidia 0.13: Light to All, chapter 3: “The Chosen Battle”, “Gateway of True Intent”).

Later, Cloud encounters and fights Sephiroth, who is still a part of Chaos’ team. Sephiroth is defeated, but not before he’s taunted Cloud with his habitual puppet talk. However, Cloud remains strong and refutes Sephiroth’s manipulation, asserting that only he can determine his own path. This must’ve been Cloud’s personal trial, because his crystal appears at that very moment: it is a small, light green orb that looks like materia from his core world. Having pocketed his crystal, Cloud decides he must find his own reason to fight. Interestingly, his search is depicted as intertwined with Fate:

“Cloud: Even if I have my doubts... I have to find my own answer […] Until then, I'll keep fighting.
Narration: The warrior has vowed to keep fighting— and keep fighting he will […]. Etched in destiny, his quest for answers continues on” (Dissidia 0.13: Light to All, chapter 1: “Beyond Doubt”, “Gulg Gateway”).

Later, the nemeses meet again in a segment called “Recurring Tragedy”. Their interactions here are particularly interesting. Sephiroth speaks of making Cloud suffer through despair and pain as though referencing their history together:

"Sephiroth: This disease called hope is eating you alive. The world of suffering was born out of such half-baked ideals.
Cloud: If that's the case, I have to endure the suffering. There's no moving on if I run from it.
Sephiroth: If that is what you wish for, you shall drown in the pain. I'll lead you to true despair. [My] shadow is burned into your heart. We'll meet again, Cloud. I'll keep coming back— as long as you are who you are."
Sephiroth disappears. Cloud looks out into the distance before the scene ends.
“Cloud: No thanks. The one I really want to meet is…” (Dissidia 013: Light to All, epilogue: “Conclusion of a Cycle”, “Recurring Tragedy”).

This final line suggests Cloud has finally found a reason to fight: he wants to meet someone unspecified.
Finally, after the war has ended, we arrive at the final cutscene of DFF. I will let you read the full script, with notes added by me in bold behind the spoiler censors. Please do not read my notes if you do not wish to encounter spoilers for FFI, FFII, FFIII, FFIV, FFV, FFVI, FFVIII, FFIX or FFX:

“[The] heroes are all standing together in a grassy field with a forest behind them. Birds are chirping, the sun is shining brightly, and the wind is blowing gently. The heroes look around them in awe. They're all holding their crystals.
WoL: The battle has come to an end...
Tidus notices that his crystal has begun to emanate a blue glow.>! His crystal is a movie sphere from his core world of FFX: a capsule containing sounds and images that people record for later viewing. Tidus’ crystal likely represents the specific movie sphere recorded by his love interest Yuna, which revealed that she’d loved him from the beginning.!<
Tidus: Gotta go, huh...
The blue glow transfers to him as well. He turns to look at the others
[…] Tidus grins at the others, then turns and runs toward a nearby lake. He leaps into it in a manner reminiscent of [the events] of FFX. He vanishes as he descends toward the lake.
Zidane: We're not vanishing. We're returning—
Zidane is sitting on a tree limb as he says this. His crystal begins to glow gold, as does he. His crystal is shaped like a highly important ‘progenitor of all life’ crystal from his core world of FFIX.
Zidane: — to where we're supposed to be.
Zidane spins around the tree limb with the use of his tail and launches toward the sun. He's lost to view.
A white feather then drifts down from that direction and Squall catches it. The feather is reminiscent of his love Rinoa Heartilly, whose character symbol is a white feather. In fact, Squall’s crystal looks like a mix of his revolver gunblade from FFVIII and Rinoa’s feather motif. [Squall glows blue.]
Squall: Perhaps we can go on a mission together again.
Squall vanishes.
Cloud is then visible, standing in [a] flower field. The flowers are white and yellow. Cloud has his crystal, a light green materia from his core world of FFVII, in hand.
Cloud: [(Chuckles shortly, like a scoff)] Not interested.
Cloud walks off into the flower field, gaining a green glow. He vanishes.
A snowflake then falls into Terra's right hand as her crystal begins to glow pink. The flames drawn on her crystal represent her power, which is connected to the element of fire: her character arc in FFVI.
Terra: I think I've learned how to keep going. Thank you— and take care.
Terra glows pink and then vanishes. Bartz throws a stick. He's glowing pink as well.
Bartz: When you're having the most fun, that's when time always flies. His crystal is the Adamantite from his core world of FFV.
Bartz vanishes.
Cecil: It's mine to pass on—
A moon appears behind Cecil and goes through its phases as he begins to glow blue. His crystal has shadowed and illuminated parts, representing the duality of his character, which is central to his personal arc in his core world of FFIV. It also represents his brother Golbez, who has chosen the darkness. Cecil considers his familial bond with Golbez his guiding light and hopes to be with him someday.
Cecil: — this strength I've gained from everyone.
Cecil vanishes.
Onion Knight hugs his crystal and looks up toward the sky. His crystal is shaped like those found in his core world of FFIII**.**
Onion Knight: Everyone... thank you!
OK briefly glows blue and then vanishes.
There are wild roses at Firion's feet. He and WoL are looking toward the sky. WoL suddenly begins walking away while Firion looks down and sees the roses.
Firion: This isn't the end. Another dream is waiting to begin.
His crystal is the color of the wild roses that were at the center of his dream and of his motivation to fight Chaos. The roses are also the emblem of the Rebel Army he was a part of in his core world of FFII. His crystal is shaped like Pandaemonium, the final dungeon of his core world story. Firion gains a violet glow and then vanishes.
WoL is walking through the field and then comes to a stop. He's looking at something.
WoL: May the light forever shine upon us.”

As you can see, everyone’s crystal is very important to the story of their core world, and in the cases of at least Tidus, Squall, Terra and Cecil, the crystals represent something very personal. What about Cloud and his crystal, then? What about the dream he lost and the person he wants to meet? Let’s begin analyzing to answer these questions.
III. c) ii. Fact Analysis
Firstly, it’s clear to me that the Cloud that appears in DFF is a post-OG Cloud, given how many plot points from OG he interacts with. I’m reticent to say whether or not this post-OG Cloud is dead like in FFT, as he recovers many of his memories of OG during DFF and there is no evidence of him having passed away and joined the Lifestream.
The second thing I’d like to point out is Cloud’s strange reaction when Tifa compares him to a hero who swoops in and saves the girl from the bad guy. Cloud gasps, indicating that her words mean something to him; the trope Tifa references must therefore be included somewhere in the FFVII OG plot-line. Some of you are surely ahead of me by now, having realized that only the tragic antithesis of this trope appears in OG: Cloud is unable to save Aerith from Sephiroth (disk 1, chapter 28). Whether or not DFF Cloud remembers Aerith herself at this point, it’s clear he recalls the pain and guilt of losing Aerith to Sephiroth.
Next, let’s address Cloud’s lost dream: to meet an unspecified person. It seems Cloud is aware at this point that in OG, he was eternally separated from the person he dreams of meeting. So, who was he separated from in his core world? Who can he never meet again, even if his team of warriors defeats Chaos and Cloud returns to the realm of FFVII? There are a few options —his mother, his father, Zack, Jessie, Biggs, Wedge, and any other person he knew who died—, but the sheer narrative weight that Aerith’s untimely death carries makes it clear who he truly wants to meet. This is corroborated by Cloud’s “I think I can meet her… there” line in OG (disk 3 chapter 3), by FFT Cloud’s search for Aerith during his appearance in Ivalice, and by Cloud’s strange reaction to Tifa’s comparing him to a hero who swoops in and saves the girl from the bad guy. All the available evidence suggests that Cloud’s dream is indeed to reunite with Aerith, and that this dream is “lost” to him because she was killed by Sephiroth (disk 1, chapter 28). This would also explain the title of the DFF segment “Recurring Tragedy”, since as we all know, the ultimate tragedy of FFVII OG is Aerith’s death. Considering Sephiroth was the one to take Aerith away from Cloud, Sephiroth’s threats of drowning him in despair in “Recurring Tragedy” only solidify this interpretation of Cloud’s lost dream.
Finally, we arrive at the ending cutscene. Cosmos’ warriors return to where they belong to try and accomplish whatever dream they held as motivation during the Cosmos-Chaos conflict, each carrying their DFF crystal. Cloud is shown standing in a field of white and yellow flowers and walking deeper into it with a light green materia in hand. Why was a white and yellow flower field chosen to represent DFF Cloud’s dream? The answer is obvious. White and yellow flowers symbolize Aerith: she sold Cloud a yellow blossom upon first meeting him in OG (disk 1, chapter 1), and her yellow and white flowerbed cushioned Cloud’s fall when the two reunited in the Sector 5 church (disk 1, chapter 4). What’s more, we have the iconic credits video of the original cut of Advent Children to refer to, wherein Cloud is seen driving near flower fields. Aerith stands there (3:20), seemingly waiting for him. Here’s what Nomura had to say about this credits scene:

"[...] we filmed the video for the ending credits in Hawaii. There are fields of flowers on both sides of the road, and the colors —yellow and white— are the same as the flowers in Aerith's church […]. With Aerith, 'flowers' have been her image throughout the series” (FFVII Reunion Files, “Countdown to Reunion”, “Stories from CG Production”, page 87).

Even in the Advent Children Complete cut of the film, where Aerith is not shown standing in the field, the flowers and their symbolism of Aerith remain. That being so, it’s more than fair to say that the white and yellow flowers in DFF’s ending cutscene serve as yet another confirmation that Cloud’s dream is to be with Aerith.
With all of this established, we can address the nature of Cloud’s DFF crystal. As we established, every core world has its own version of a crystal, each possessing a distinct appearance, function and meaning. Materia are the crystals of FFVII, so one could be satisfied by the proposition that Cloud’s DFF crystal is simply meant to represent a random materia. However, I think Cloud’s crystal is specifically the White Materia, as it represents Aerith’s sacrifice, her importance to the plot and what she died fighting for. If any one object symbolizes her death, it’s the White Materia; it’s even given closeups during the event (2:33-3:02). Besides, unlike any other materia in FFVII, the White Materia is known to glow a light green when Holy has been activated:

“Bugenhagen: If [the prayer] reaches the planet, the White Materia will begin to glow a pale green” (FFVII OG, disk 2, chapter 15).

Here are pictures of the White Materia in OG and Advent Children, and two pictures of Cloud's DFF crystal (in order) so you can compare for yourself:
https://preview.redd.it/0qtumfeyfq0d1.jpg?width=386&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3995f010738c83fca0c5842a0564d0a9ad206dfd
https://preview.redd.it/0kj525tzfq0d1.jpg?width=1144&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=575573ef1d2c937635cf569d4a376886a24b384c
Cloud's DFF Crystal
Cloud’s DFF crystal
So far, in both suspension world games we’ve examined (FFT and DFF), Cloud is searching for Aerith. As a final note on DFF, it may interest you to know that codirector of the Remake trilogy Toriyama was actually a writer for DFF: he may have carried some themes from DFF to Remake…
III. d) Detour: The Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Farewell Exposition
Before we hop onto the next suspension world, let’s return to ours for a quick detour: the 2018 Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Expo. Themed with farewells and tragedy, this expo showcased the heartbreaking goodbyes featured in different FF games. Artwork, clips, quotes and images aplenty here! As the highly anticipated Remake was going to be coming out approximately a year and a half later, the FFVII section of the expo featured a few sneak peek Remake designs. This means the expo was at least partly curated with the Remake trilogy in mind; there could be interesting material in the FFVII section of the expo related to Remake. Let’s dive in!
Unsurprisingly, the focus of the FFVII section is Cloud and Aerith, since she is the loved one he lost in OG. Zack is also given a mention, however Aerith was the glaringly central star of the show. To showcase how important Aerith’s farewell in particular was to the expo, the FFVII portion was introduced by a photo of Cloud lowering Aerith into her watery grave and a video of her tragic death:
Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Farewell Exposition, FFVII Introduction
The description under the video screen reads:

“She was gone in the blink of an eye. But the pain never went away.
Aerith awoke the ultimate magic to protect the planet and the people she loved. Yet her life came to a sudden end at the hands of Sephiroth, a man bent on seeing the world destroyed. Even the usually stoic Cloud couldn’t hide his grief at the unexpected death of an irreplaceable companion. ‘My fingers are tingling. My mouth is dry. My eyes are burning.’ True words, revealing Cloud’s deep sorrow” (Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Exposition).

Conveniently enough for us, the expo’s tagline is “Who is the person you want to meet again?” Given that Aerith holds the spotlight in the FFVII section of the expo, it’s clear who SE is telling us Cloud wants to reunite with. Recall Cloud’s unfinished line in DFF: “The one I really want to meet is..." (Dissidia 013: Light to All, epilogue: “Conclusion of a Cycle”, “Recurring Tragedy”). We theorized that he must be referring to Aerith, and now, we are certain.
The expo also had pamphlet descriptions of the farewells depicted. Here is the general summary of FFVII‘s farewell story according to that pamphlet:

“The story follows the lead character Cloud, but it is the heroine, Aerith, who opens Cloud’s eyes and helps bring him closer to understanding the mystery that is his past. Through her, we draw closer to the truth of the story.
This scene, in which the heroine Aerith is lost, is easily the most shocking and tragic in the story. No one expected to say goodbye to such a major character in the middle of the story. Rumors of a secret way to revive Aerith spread, and it was clear players were having a hard time saying goodbye to her too. Even now, twenty years later, it still feels like a shocking turn of events” (Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Exposition Pamphlet, page 36).

It’s interesting that SE would mention the rumors of Aerith’s revival circulated by players back in 1997, especially as fans were awaiting Remake’s release…
In light of everything we’ve analyzed so far, it can be said that between FFT (1997) and this farewell expo (2018), SE has consistently demonstrated that reuniting with Aerith is post-OG Cloud’s goal. That’s a period of over two decades— two decades of wishing, seeking, longing in real-world time for this character. This is a huge long-term commitment for SE to make, and you can bet the devs don’t take it lightly. Again and again, once the events of the OG game have ended, Cloud is shown to desire a reunion with Aerith. This ever-present and ever-insistent theme will become very important to us later in this analysis.
(continued in part 3)

Well, Hi all! again! 4Th Wall here, I figured since I just got power back, I might as well play some catch up on both series. Hope you enjoy this episode!!
Yup, I fucked that up. This is a repost with the correct Episode number, LOL! It's been a while since I've done that.
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Benjamin smiled, watching the girls skip ahead of him. Today was a testing day of sorts for him. Unwilling to release firearms into this world haphazardly, yet unwilling to go without them as a backup; he had pulled from one of his sister’s favorite video games. He had “melted down” his bowie knife, repurposing the metal to be used in his latest creation. The final product rode on his hip like a short sword, but Ben was satisfied in the design when the vast majority of the people he passed ignored it as just another adventurer’s blade. Benjamin hoped, that with the existence of Majik, that he would be able to pass off any… peculiarities... as the realm of the supernatural.

The three of them arrived at the tailor’s establishment, and the girls were met with a customary indifference that seemed to present itself when a slave’s “master” was present. The moment Benjamin entered, the seamstress ceased to pay attention to the girls, and instead addressed him directly, “Ah, The Forgemaster’s Protégé. What can I do for you this day.” She said cooly, bowing slightly in welcome. “I’m here commission some clothing for these two, a reward for good service.” Benjamin began. It was technically true; the success of the forge had afforded him much more coin than a mere apprentice could have made. Qort had taken him on as a true partner, and Benjamin earned enough to comfortably afford to cloth his “slaves” in whatever he chose.

Some stigma’s remained however, and the seamstress seemed to glare sideways at the girls as they perused the fabrics adorning the walls. “Is that wise? A slave could lose her place with such gifts.” she asked, her polite tone barely hiding her disapproval. Benjamin sighed internally, ‘oh for fucks sake’ he groaned in his own mind before putting on facad, “I find that proper reward, afforded on the right servant can result in” he paused, projecting a smug expression and blatantly looking the girls up and down. “a profound dedication to their duties” he finished with a satisfied smile as the seamstress covered her mouth with a hand to hide a smile of her own. The gambit worked, and the Seamstress was obviously satisfied that the “Aereesen slave whores” were being properly “used”. “Ah, I understand. What did you have in mind for them.” She practically moaned back at Benjamin. ‘This hag needs a good pounding….’ Benjamin’s inner monologue threatened to crack his facade, “That’s the fun part, my good lady. It’s their choice. The surprise is half the excitement.” He chuckled.

The seamstress openly smiled at him this time before nodding and stepping over to the two girls. Benjamin breathed a sigh of relief as she seemed to treat them at least marginally more warmly. The old racist bag didn’t need to know that Benjamin was secretly building a small nest egg for his girls, or that his sending them out to do errands for him was how he was teaching them about money, value, and the application of Mathematics. She also didn’t need to know that the full Cutlery set that she had purchased last week had been made by Vi’s own hand as her first full solo commission set. Benjamin had stamped his “mark” on them, because slaves were not allowed to own anything, including their own work; but Vi had begun with raw steel and finished with one of the finest cooking knife sets he had seen in this world or his.

Benjamin settled onto a bench outside, using the excuse of wanting to enjoy the morning air to afford his girls some privacy. Now that Viola and Valtrya were eating a healthy diet, and the right calorie amount; they had blossomed into absolute bombshells. Their hair had recovered, and both sported long flowing locks that boasted a silky satin black color and texture that betrayed hints of deep royal purple. The color reminded Benjamin of one of those expensive custom car paints that changed color depending on the lighting.

Their skin recovered almost as quickly as their hair. The sickly, scabbed look was quickly replaced with the same satin quality as their hair to the touch, but with a light grey coloring that almost seemed to tease the edge of hinting at a greyish purple. A dense pattern of Small freckles of the same dark, almost royal, purple as the highlights in their hair frolicked on both girl’s cheeks, and down the sides of their necks. Because of their early lack of understanding on modestly, Ben knew that those freckles traveled much further. The sad truth was that Benjamin understood fully why Aereesen’s were the prize of slavers and brothels, and he silently prayed that he could give them enough self-worth and skill to have a better life than that, once he got them out of the Principality.

A door’s soft creaking broke Benjamin from his thoughts as the two sisters stepped out smiling, “Get everything you need?” he asked standing as the three of them departed the establishment. Val nodded vigorously, and Vi smiled as she spoke, “I think so, but I had to practically beg the woman to stop showing us lingerie… what did you tell her?” Benjamin felt his cheeks heat as he responded, “What I had to. The old hag doesn’t get enough at home. It’s not my fault that your ‘enthusiasm’ is in the forge and your studies, not between the sheets. I didn’t lie to her, I just let her draw her own conclusions, sorry.”

Vi’s eyes twinkled for a second, “Oh,” She smirked, “Thaaat’s why she broke out the silk. Some of her options were..” She blatantly bit her lip at Benjamin. “You didn’t…” He asked in shock, and Vi lifted up on her tippy toes to brush her lips against his ear, “Not telling” she purred, setting Bens senses on fire. She backed up a step, openly smirking at his beet red face. “But your expression is adorable… My Lord” She stated the last two words with a deep sultry tone, knowing that Ben couldn’t scold her in public before taking his hand, “May we visit the bazar next? Val saw some jewelry she wanted to look at.” Benjamin gave her a pointed look, that turned into a smile as she beamed at him, “Ok, sounds good. I need to pick up some food for the week.”

It was later that afternoon when the three of them left the bazar. They found Jukha waiting on the bench in front of their home. “Jukha! How are you!” Benjamin called, clasping the Orc’s hand firmly as the girls rushed inside to put up their purchases. Jukha reciprocated, if somewhat stiffly, to the strange to him gesture. “Benjamin, it is good to see you well.” His tone stopped Ben in his tracks, “What is it. Is your wife, ok?”
Jukha shook his head, “Vilora is well, but I have been tasked with finding you.” He said carefully, “The slaver, the one you dueled for those two,” he nodded to Vi and Val as they stepped back out of the building, “The Heir of The Romoregin house is here. He has lodged an official demand for satisfaction, and he brought a champion.”

Benjamin stiffened, “Another duel? You said an ‘official demand’… what happens if I refuse.” Jukha winced at Ben’s tone, “It is an archaic practice of my people, rarely remembered, and even more rarely demanded. You cannot deny a satisfaction claim, but should you prevail, no further claims can be made upon your person. I am sorry Benjamin, but if you flee or refuse, your life is forfeit; and your property goes to the claimant.” Jukha looked pointedly at Viola and Valtrya. “The young puke has put me in danger as well, if I do not deliver you and them to the duel, I can be detained. If they torture me….” Benjamin’s eyes widened before hardening in understanding. “Jukha…” He turned to find Viola standing next to him, with his musket in one arm and his ammunition bag in the other, and sighed, “Fuck”. He loaded his musket with a single roundball cartridge this time, unwilling to fire buck and ball in the town streets. He pealed the ball out of the paper wading after pouring the poweder, reaching into his haversack to retrieve a small round patch made of pillow ticking. Jukha looked on in mild fascination as Benjamin spit on the cloth patch before wrapping the ball in it and ramming the whole thing down the barrel. It wasn’t much, but it reduce windage, ensuring at least reasonable enough accuracy from the smoothbore to keep from hitting innocent bystanders. It would also virtually eliminate blow-by, upping the chamber pressure and giving him a little more velocity. “I’m ready.”

The four of them entered the small city square to be met with Qort and three Org guards. These soldiers wore different insignia that Benjamin had been taught were the mark of the capital. “Beenjaymen Shayfe” one of them butchered his name, “I am.” Ben nodded firmly, the other guard nodded, “And your two slaves, good. Has Jukha informed you of the proceedings.” Benjamin scowled, “A legalized way to attempt a revenge killing? Yea, I’ve been told.” Ben didn’t bother to hide his vitriol, “So I have to kill a motherfucker for defending myself from his father?”

“Not quite. The Heir has brought a champion. The rules are simple, all forms of combat are allowed” The first guard began as the second one began chaining the wrists of Viola and Valtrya. Benjamin began to move before thinking, only to be held back by Jukha, “Peace albino. They must do this. Fighting them will cause a forfeit.” Benjamin looked at the terrified faces of the two girls. He forced himself to calm down outwardly, but Benjamin could feel the rage building. He had worked so hard to save those two, to get them out.. now some snot nosed brat was going to try to kill him because his father didn’t know when to fuck off. Benjamin stepped out from around the guards. The “heir” was a young Durr. Ben had no frame of reference for age, but the Heir was substantially shorter, and his facial tentacles were almost mere buds. Beside him stood a crimson colossus, the same species as the Hunter he had shot saving Jukha. He was taller than that female, and was wearing plate armor, gilded in silver. He hefted a great sword of some kind and smiled openly at Benjamin. It was not a pleasant expression. “Ah, so You’re the puke I’ll be cleaning from my blade. I am Krastorin. Come here, pale one, I’ll make it quick.”

Benjamin looked him over, subtly shifting into a shooting stance but keeping his musket looking like he was resting the butt of a spear on the ground. “You look accomplished, what makes you do the bidding of the boy.” He asked, blatant scorn on his tone. The Young Durr flinched, his small tentacle buds writhing violently. “H’Dare Yee!” he bellowed, voice cracking with the strain of fury, “Aye’ll ‘ave Yee Head on Me’Wall!!”
Benjamin ignored him, focusing on the Hellirine. The man looked back at the boy with a raised eyebrow, “The young puke promised me one of those.” He pointed at Vi and Val, who had reverted to their former trembling submissive postures that Ben had met them in. “It appears that they are as well kept as claimed. I look forward to sampling them.” He leered. Benjamin looked over at the Young Durr and found his face a mixture of relief and anger. ‘Ah, lied about daddy’s slaves.’ He turned to the soldier standing next to him, “Is the duel on?” he growled.

“Combatants! Begin!” was the Soldiers response, and the crimson mercenary lifted his sword from his shoulders advancing forward with a long confident stride, “at last, let’s get this over wi..” a clap of thunder echo’d through the Feral wood, and most of the crowd cried out in surprise as Benjamin disappeared, seemingly behind a bubble of fire, and brimstone. The single round ball ignored the mercenary’s plate armor. Punching straight through as the soft lead mushroomed out into a ragged disk that measured almost an inch and a half. The mangled projectile, still travelling at almost half the speed of sound, eviscerated the chest cavity of the Mercenary before blowing a one foot wide hole out of the crimson man’s back. The exit wound missed Krastorin’s spine by an inch, but it didn’t matter. The projectile embedded itself into a post, thankfully missing any bystanders by mere inches in some cases. The Young Durr, who was standing just behind and to the side of his champion, was screaming as he pawed at the bits of pale yellow blood, bones, and fragments of internal organs now covering him from head to toe.

Benjamin handed the smoking musket to Jukha, drawing his short sword and walking over to a sputtering, choking, and coughing Krastorin. The Hellirine lay face down on the ground, having fallen that way from the momentum of his initial advance. The back of Benjamins mind was sickly amused as he remembered the old Hollywood trope of bullets throwing people backward, and a pinch of regret sparked in his soul as his opponent death rattled. He stepped up to the Heir, resting the blade against his neck, “Are we done here. Be a better man than your father and learn when to save your own life.” The Young Durr froze, staring up at him in abject terror for several moments as a puddle formed at his feet. Benjamin opened his mouth to speak again when the boy simply passed out, falling into the puddle of his own mess as his mind refused to stay conscious.

Benjamin turned to walk back towards Jukha and the girls. “Unchain them.” Benjamin’s tone could have frozen a raging forge’s inferno. To his surprise, two of the soldiers drew their weapons on him, “You need to come with us. All Touched must be registered with...” Benjamin pointed his short sword at the one talking… and pulled the trigger. The percussion revolver built into the hilt of the short sword was zero’d using a notch Benjamin cut into the crossguard, and the tip of the curved blade as a crude set of open sights. The barrel of the revolver lay along one side of the blade, and was rifled. The speaking soldier orc’s took the smaller pistol round through the forehead, exploding the back of his skull in a cone of dark green and grey mist. The exit wound showered his companion in bits of bone and brains. Benjamin’s thumb found the hammer, and four satisfying clicks echo’d in the stunned silence, “HEAR ME!” He growled, “I, am touched by the Gods. I posses the power to end any life I choose using the power of Hell itself!” ‘if I have to show them a gun, might as well throw them off the trail’ “The violence of the raging volcano obeys my very fingertips.” His revolvesword bucked a second time as another soldier orc made a move to rush him. The smaller pistol round still punched through the orcs armor and out the back, but only left him screaming on the ground. Benjamin re-cocked, and leveled his weapon at the orc holding the chains to Val and Vi. “Now, release them.” This last remaining Orc did as asked, before gathering up his screaming companion as the girls rushed to Benjamin, he pulled them close, whispering, “I’m sorry we wont be able to pick up your dresses.”

The three of them packed up that night. Qort had understood, knowing all too well what the Principality would do to acquire a Touched of Benjamins ability. “Stay safe my friend. I pray our paths cross again.” Jukha snuck them out of the village that night, using his wagon to get them to his home. They stayed a week, laying low while they planned their next move. The girls spent their time learning recipes from Jukha’s wife, and ben took the time to unwind a bit. Jukha and He went on a hunt, and Benjamin was given a run down on the flora and fauna of the Feral wood. The two of them brought back a pair of Stags, and the three women cooked them a feast.

“Dinner’s ready!!” called Viola, setting the last of the sides on the table as the dutch oven roasted meat was brought off of the stove top. It was a simple yet elegant meal. Stag, potatoes, some kind of Kale style vegetable that Benjamin had never seen before. Soon enough, everyone at the table was leaning back, as full as they could make themselves. “So, pinkskin,” Jukha asked, “Where do you plan on going. I wouldn’t mind you staying with me. I could use another hunter, but I suspect that they would notice the extra product I brought to the village.”

Benjamin Hummed, “The Maridian Combine. Qort told me that they banned slavery over a century ago, the girls have learned so much already. It would be easy to find jobs for them.” Vi and Val drooped slightly but hid it well. Jukha noticed it but said nothing. “A good choice, their boarders are well guarded, you would need to free them before you cross, or end up in a dungeon yourself.”

“Good point, I can write up a simple writ of freedom. Something I can sign and give to them.” Benjamin nodded, “I can get started on that to…” he paused as a hand fell on his. He looked to see Viola staring at him, fighting back tears, “Hey, what’s wrong. You will be free…” Jukha nodded slowly and stood. “love,” he said to Vilora, “I need some help with the livestock” The Farie met his eyes in unspoken understanding, fluttering out the front door with Jukha.

“Vi, what’s wrong.” Benjamin asked gently.

“No… go… Val… stay…” Both of them turned to Valtrya in shock. She was trembling, “I wont..leave.”

“You speak?” Benjamin looked in shock, but Viola spoke next, “Benjamin, we don’t want to leave. We want to stay, with you. I…” She paused. Ben sighed, “I want you to stay too.” He said, finally admitting it to himself, “But I can’t own you. It’s killing me that you are my property.” He reached up and wiped a tear from Vi’s eyes, “You are so much more than property. I feel evil, every day that I wake up knowing that I could do anything I wanted to you, or worse, die and have someone else hurt you for the fun of it.” Benjamin bowed his head. Viola reached out, lifting his chin to look into his eyes, “Then come with us.” She whispered as Val stood up and stepped around the table, “yes.. You, come.” She wrapped herself around Ben from the side leaning in until she was resting her head against his shoulder, “I’m… staying.. with you.” she said softly. Viola nodded, “Benjamin, how old do you think we are.”

Ben looked at her in confusion, “I have no idea, I’ve always assumed you were teenagers. 13-14 years old for Val, maybe 16 for you, but that was when you were skin and bones.” He admitted.

Viola’s eyes widened in understanding. “You did not want to bed us because you thought us children.” Benjamin nodded slowly, answering. “And forcing sex on a child is the worst kind of crime on my world”. Viola and Valtrya looked at each other, before Vi spoke. “Ben, my sister will turn one hundred and three in a fortnight. I just had my one hundred and fifteenth birthday last week.” She leaned in, pressing her lips to Bens as she kissed him passionately for a moment. “We are no children,” Viola paused as Valtrya leaned in, kissing Ben lightly on the neck, “You are not forcing us to do anything, but leave.” Viola whispered as she began to close in to a surprised Benjamin for another kiss.

The door to the cabin flew open violently, and the girls pulled back to a more modest distance. Jukha walked in, carrying a panting Vilora. “What happened.” Ben asked hurriedly, hoping he wasn’t blushing as hard as the heat on his cheeks suggested. Vilora waved a hand as Jukha set her down in her chair, “The Vin… My sisters… they reached out… They wish to meet…” The Farie gathered herself, “They also sent a warning. We must leave, tonight… hunters.”
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If you made it this far, I very much appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed the episode! If you believe I have earned it, I have a Patreon that is two episodes ahead of the free releases for this series. I hope you feel taking a look is worth it. Either way, come hang out in the comments. Everyone's welcome! I've discovered Im a bit of a "warts and all" poster, so even critical comments are welcome. Hell, You might even teach me something (it happens more than I'd like to admit).
I have heard people off and on reference Royal road, So I am going to give it another shot. I'll be adding the Royal Road link from now on. If you like reading over there, It is on the same schedule as here. I would greatly appreciate a like/review/comment if you feel so inclined. Thank you again for stopping by.
First, Previous, Next (Patreon) Royal Road

Written 5/8/2024- updates attached below

I tried posting this on kendrick almost a week ago and it got no response, I messaged the mods to ask about Karma restrictions or account age requirements and they never replied. I made a new account and it was the same issue, but I found out last night I wasn’t fully banned, so I figured I’d throw it up and see if anyone finds it valuable. It’s written for people who have no prior knowledge of the rap game/music business. I don’t have to go as hard on obscuring names this time. One of the influencers I mentioned in my last post is known for doxxing and threatening violence against people who mention the many contradictions in their stories. (Sorry for any typos/mistakes I want to go to bed.)
Origins
I believe the current Drake and Kendrick Lamar beef is either completely or partially fabricated by certain industry leaders or the parties involved in an effort to distract from something bigger going down behind the scenes. If you were an influential label owner facing major accusations, and you needed to deflect media attention from yourself, recreating one of the most defining moments in rap history during the social media era would be a way to do it. It also wouldn’t hurt that two of the biggest rappers in the world were already sending shots at each other in their music for years prior. The public consensus is they are simply two famous rappers who hate each other and fighting over the spot for the top like in the 90’s. Only people who were directly involved could paint a more cohesive picture of the whole story. Even when all the cards drop, there is a good chance the average person won’t be able to find direct sources on their own and will continue to support their favorite artists and dismiss any evidence of their crimes like the drizzy subreddit or Ak fans.

As I said the beef between Kendrick and Drake has been brewing in the background for years, with both rappers sending shots and sneak dissing each other over the course of at least 8 years. The most agreed upon origin story is the first diss was the 2016 Big Sean and Kendrick collaboration, “Control,” and Drake responded with, “The Language”. Things stayed relatively lighthearted for a while and both were intentionally vague for many years. Before I go deep into the Kendrick and Drake stuff, it’s really important to examine some of Drake’s prior beefs because they add a ton of context to my theory. In my opinion Kendrick and Co. started scheming all of this some time around Mid 2020-Mid 2022, well after the whole Pusha T beef had transitioned into the Kanye beef.

What exactly started the beef is debatable, but at the time many attributed it to rumors of Drake pursuing Ye’s ex Amber Rose. Unfortunately the timeline isn’t 100 percent clear, and if I included every detail this would be at least 200+ pages so I’ll stick with the important stuff. The ultimate outcome of the Pusha T battle in 2018 was the revelation of Drake’s son Adidon that he had previously been hiding from the world along with getting Ye directly involved in the beef.

Here are some more examples of Drake antagonizing Ye and of him trying to use women as pawns to get material for his diss tracks. The Drake line, “Yeah, I probably go link to Yeezy, I need me some Jesus, but as soon as I start confessin' my sins, he wouldn't believe us," could be a reference to sleeping with Kim Kardashian, trying to double down on his threats to harm him or his family, or it could be a double entendre. Another example is using the name Kiki in another song, which was apparently one of Kim’s nicknames. Some other possible examples include the theories he may have tried the same thing with Kendrick’s wife Whitney around 2020-2021 in an attempt to use as ammo against Kendrick, which I’ll go into later. I don’t listen to much of either artist's music, but there are probably many of other examples in Drake’s catalogue that I’m leaving out. There is also his song Omerta released in 2019, which I'll go into below.

“Your baby mother call me when she lonely My tailor see me twice a week, he like my homie Forever grateful, forever thankful Diamond necklace, but she wears it on her ankle”

(Probably referring to Kim Kardashian since she had a few pictures with her wearing diamond ankle bracelets and was trying to make it into a trend.

“I plan to buy your most personal belongings when they up for auction”

(There were various rumors floating around for a while that Drake was blackmailing Ye with something and he was fighting to keep it from the public. I thought about it and this line might be referencing a sex tape with Kim or her little sister who me was very touch before she turned 18. In 2022 there was a whole storyline on Kim’s show where Ye flies to LA to prevent her second sex tape from being released.)

West Hollywood, know my presence is menacing
Cosa Nostra, shady dealings
Racketeering, the syndicate got they hand in plenty things The things that we've done to protect the name are unsettling But no regrets, though, the name'll echo Years later, none greater
Death to a coward and a traitor, that's just in my nature, yeah
(Drake and Ye both frequented the Delilah Nightclub located in West Hollywood and lived closeby on the same street for a while.)
"I don't carry cash 'cause the money is digital
It's the American Expresser, the debt collector"

(Sounds a lot more like it could be crypto to launder or send large amounts of ill gotten gains. It started becoming mainstream around them)

"Last year, niggas really feel like they rode on me
Last year, niggas got hot 'cause they told on me
I'm 'bout to call the bluff of anybody the fold on me"

These lines stood out because they could be referring to Ye telling the public about Drake's alleged threats a couple months before the songs release. This happened not long after the release of Sicko mode which was towards the end of 2018 as well. Ye was discussing the incident on Twitter and reached out to Drake and Travis to talk to him in private. In the next set of tweets Kanye publicly accused Drake of threatening him and his family in a major way. Surprisingly Ye seemed genuinely scared and amongst his, “crazy rants,” some of the stuff he said makes a ton of sense in hindsight. This also the beginning of his second serious public struggles with Bipolar disorder after being committed in 2016 shortly after an on stage rant where he calls out Jay Z for selling out and says he's afraid he might kill him.. As someone who shares the same diagnosis, I have a pretty good understanding of mania and psychosis and firmly believe that it's important not to write people off right away due to their mental illness. Some of my most thoughtful, creative, and productive periods were inspired by mania. Industry bigwigs have also been using mental illness to discredit influential black celebrities and visionaries going back decades, but it really picked up in the 80’s.

Dave Chappelle has gone into this a lot in the past and claims he experienced something similar before he quit show business and dipped to Africa. Their stories have a lot of interesting parallels if you’re familiar or curious. I remember he actually visited Ye at his house in Wyoming after he was reported to have had a, "mental breakdown," during his presidential run in 2020 thus marking his third breakown in six years.. The reason I put it in quotes is because it happened right after he publicly accused Kim of cheating and delivered his legendary speech on abortion. Dave went as far as going on live tv and telling the public he wasn’t crazy, he was just really struggling because he was the only one at the time fighting against the narrative, which can often be a suicide mission or a ticket to obscurity. These are three examples of someone speaking up and being deemed crazy, two years later came the nazi stuff and I'm sure we'll have plenty in store for 2024.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the very common pattern of artists dying or having their careers destroyed either after they try to leave their label or threaten to reveal industry secrets. A few more interesting industry connections I made in my research include the connections between:

T.U.G. records and J Cole's independent label Dreamville are both managed by Interscope Records, whose parent company is Universal Music Group.

Universal Music Group also hac Drake's label OvO label as well as Ye and Kendrick's old labels on their roster before they left to form their own independent labels in 2022 (around the same time the disses between Kendrick and Drake started escalating). Finally Bad Boy Records, which is owned by Diddy, and Motown Records who own Diddy's other R&B label Love Records, are also both owned by Universal. This means every label I mention is currently or was previously owned by Universal Music Group.

Ye tried for years to get out of his contract with Defjam, which happens to be ran by Jay Z who is known to be a close associate of Diddy. Jay would always used his money and power to fight against it. Ye even spoke out publicly on a few occasions, including when he said Jay Z was trying to kill him during one of his concerts. My theory is after years of getting nowhere and having his reputation skewered, in 2022 Ye finally said, "Fuck it," and dropped all the anti- Semetic stuff intentionally in a successful attempt to force his label to into using their morality clause, which requires labels to drop an artist if they're accused of any major controversy that could hurt the label’s profits. For the fourth time in four years the media reported he was having a breakdown. Even though they tried to punish him by cutting off all of his sources of income and freezing his accounts he still managed to bounce back pretty quickly. It was often reported how much he was losing, but it rarely discussed how he still was filthy rich in spite of the retrictions. His label wanted to discourage other artists from trying the same thing. My theory is he might have bought Kim or Kylie's alleged sex tape and used it for his own leverage. For Kendrick, his transition to his independent label ApLang went a lot smoother, but he had to split ownership of his new label with the previous manager owner Dave Free. Sadly it's still difficult for new or more niche artists to establish themselves without the some help.

He may be a lot of things but Ye isn’t dumb just because he has a mood disorder and the guys at the top know this, which is why I think he has really played up his diagnosis when it benefitted him. He’s still one of the most talented musicians in the game and I really think he sees his bipolar like a superpower as he says. It’s like his own invisibility cloak. He can go off his meds for a little, make an album after staying up for 72 hours, go on a “psychotic” twitter rant dropping facts throughout, then start up again once he makes enough news headlines. I think it’s worth noting the first divorce rumors in 2020 coincided with Ye’s abortion speech during his presidential run and the cheating accusations. that led to him dropping out and moving to Wyoming, and a couple months ago in February 2024 he was committed again.

The point I’m making is bipolar is complex, but pretty manageable especially if you have a ton of money to find meds that work for you and a good doctor and can keep substance abuse and stress at a manageable level. I think Ye is smart enough to know this, but it’s just safer for him to really play up the mental issues in the media. He’s proven he can literally say whatever he wants after getting cancelled and the average person is just going to write it off as psycho babble. While bias in health care is a sad fact of society, if you can use it to your advantage I say go for it. It might’ve just kept the microscope off of him long enough to plan his attack.

Ye v. Drake: Quotes of 2018
(Start of the beef, drake threats, and suspicion towards Kardashian family. )

“ It’s not about rap. It’s about family. We have to be close as a family and never let these people infiltrate just for radio spins”

“We need to show the world that people can talk without people ending up dead or in jail.”

”This is a man speaking to a man that has been placed in the program to fuck with Kanye West head and set me up“

”See when you care about your family you don’t let no man push you to do nothing that could risk your freedom“

These first four tweets by Ye were all in reference to perceived threats made by Drake after their beef escalated circa 2018. He began speaking on the industry and talking more about his psych hospital commitment two years prior and how he thought they were going to kill him. It's pretty obvious how the whole thing was planned by the sketchy doctor who called it in and his physical trainer who has a ton of connections to weird shit involving his celebrity clients.

I found interesting that Ye might not have been the first major league rapper whose life Drake threatened. During a similar period of mental illness the up and coming rapper XXXtentacion accused Drake of stealing his flow and dissed him a few times. Not long after he made a post online saying if he dies, it was Drake who did it. There are tons of conspiracies online, but none of the evidence is strong enough to draw a definitive connection. Also while it maybe be coincidental, Kendrick’s latest album Mr Morale also painted the picture that Kendrick was dealing with some serious personal issues. Some lines throughout the album may have been used to bait Drake into escalating, but it wasn’t until The Weekend, Future, and Metro Booming dropped, “We Don’t Trust You,” then Drake and J. Cole dropped, “First Person Shooter,” which was followed a couple days later with, “Like That,” where Kendrick started the chain of events that has led us to today.

Kanye vs. Drake: Quotes of 2020

Summary: Ye runs for president and gets suppressed for saying what very well could be the truth and was immediately deemed insane by the media. Kim did a couple interviews and everything he said was immediatly false. There is almost guarenteed to be some sketchy shit going down revolving her and her family. Ye was absolutely terrified of her keeping the kids away from him and it seems like there are still efforts being made to this day to paint a certain image of him for ulterior motives.

Below are six more quotes from a fan taking a deep dive into his 2020 tweets courtesy of u/ thehatstore42069 on Yeezy
”NORTHY I AM GOING TO WAR AND PUTTING MY LIFE ON THE LINE AND IF I AM MURDERED DON’T EVER LET WHITE MEDIA TELL YOU I WASNT A GOOD MAN,” West, 43, wrote in the tweet, adding, “WHEN PEOPLE THREATEN TO TAKE YOU OUT OF MY LIFE JUST KNOW I LOVE YOU”

"I need a public apology from J Cole and Drake to start with immediately... I'm Nat Turner... I'm fighting for us."

"the utmost respect for all brothers" and said "we need to link and respect each other... no more dissing each other on labels we don't own"

"Ye is constantly trying to tell people that his family does not have his or his kids best interests at heart. He goes on to list others, linking them together with the thinking emoji. These people include rap artist Drake and Larsa Pippen, wife of Scottie Pippe. Kim K is goddaughter to Pippen's daughter, showing how close the families actually are. All of these families that associate with Ye through Kardashian connections, as well as Drake, have been accused of the same thing Kris has. EVERY SINGLE ONE of these people have mixed race children that are groomed from a young age to fuck around with celebrities so the parents can remain famous. Drake on numerous occasions has been accused of grooming girls and then getting handsy on their 18th birthday.”

“These labels want their artists to make them money and they dont care about anything else. When Kanye says things like this in an attempt to expose him, the first thing they wanna do is drug him up and put him back in the studio.”
“Righteous indignation is typically a reactive emotion of anger over mistreatment, insult, or malice of another. It is akin to what is called the sense of injustice. This is how they keep the black man down. Keep people outraged about trivial things and distract them from the real issues in the world. The real problems in the industry. If you tell people enough times that they are unequal or discriminated against they start to believe it. Drug them when they step out of line and toss them aside when the checks run out. Ye is realizing he is pawn in a bigger game, and now that he has all these roots in the game such as Yeezy or the Gap or his music, too many people cant risk (Afford) a Ye who speaks his mind.”
(End of quotes)

Amongst the twitter rant, Ye warned about the predatory nature of record deals and discussed trying to get out of his own deal, and said again how his life may be in danger if it wasn’t already and was doing anything he could to protect his kids. The most fascinating part to me though is the public call to arms he made to Drake, J Cole, and Kendrick on twitter. After inviting them to all link up, he said, “It’s time to get free, we will not argue amongst each other while some guy we don’t know in Europe is getting paid and putting that money in a hedge fund.” I believe if Ye was able to pull off this meeting, there is an ever so slight chance that all four artists might be working together to take down a greater enemy. Weirdly there have been times throughout the last couple years where these supposed enemies were photographed together being friendly or praise each other in interviews, then out of no where the disses would start flying again.

To wrap things up I want to share my a few of my theories about the Drake/Kanye beef

A. Everything is exactly as it seems and the beef is over. Ye let his mental illness ruin his life and career so Drake simply picked another target after Ye stopped putting out disses. All of these connections are just a coincidence and all of this was choreographed to boost Drake and Kendrick’s music sales and possibly distract people from the Diddy trial and possibly the complicated geopolitical issues currently facing the U.S.

C. There is also the possibility that all four rappers are in cahoots and Drake’s dirt isn’t as extreme as people are theorizing, at least in comparison to the rest of the business. This could explain why everything has played out like a movie and how they were able to predict each other’s moves so well. This could either mean they’re all just trying to boost their sales or they’re all trying to take down the “slave masters,” as Ye calls them, and change the dynamic of the music industry in favor of the artist.

D. They may be trying to help their friends in the industry who are being abused or in shitty contracts. I know a lot of famous rappers have done a lot of collaborations with Jhene Aiko and Anderson Paak, who were both signed to T.U.G. records which I mentioned above in the connections to Universal Music Group. Considering they are both frequent collaborators with all of the artists involved on both sides, it’s not unlikely they may have played some part in influencing the takedown.

T.U.G was started by Chris Stokes with his partner Ketrina Askew. Back in the early to mid 90’s were gaining popularity attracting lots of young up and coming talent. They often collaborated with Diddy and his associates. In the 2000’s Raz B from the boy band B2K claimed he was molested by Stokes and his friend Marques Houston, then quickly retracted his claims. Years later he came forward again and said we was bribed into silence and that the rest of the victims were bribed with hush money and had another singer corroborate his story and they came forward together to level the accusations. After some of his former B2K members made fun of him for his claims and accused it of being a shakedown, Raz B revealed Stokes and Houston had preyed a lot of the children associated with the label including at least one of the former bandmates and paid them off.

I thought it was worth noting that the second whistleblower named Quindon Tarver died young in a car crash after mentioning his abuse again a few years prior. He seems to have left the industry not long after the incidents occurred and has few credits to his name. To this day Raz B is still trying to get his justice, while Stokes and his partner Askew, who was also involved in the abuse are still running the label to this day. Askew also has a ton of lawsuits, accusing her of using shady tactics to try to foreclose on houses. (Don’t quote me if a lawyer wants to take a look just google her full name), and has been tied to a ton of LLCs, similar to Drake. This is a good example of a shitty record deal, but I'm sure they have countless other friends in the industry who have even worse. While they were never convicted even Chris Stokes' wife confirmed it to be true.

E. The theory I personally think fits the narrative best and is the most realistic conspiracy is that Kendrick and possibly J. Cole went to the meeting, but not Drake due to his close relationship with Lucian Grange, the president of Drake’s label. Silence often speaks louder than words and this could explain why Kendrick was so ruthless and put so much effort into finding dirt on Drake. Ye, Cole, and Kendrick co-writing would be like the rap allstar team and if J. Cole wasn’t involved, it would also answer the question of whether or not he baited Drake into the battle by asking him to feature. I don’t think Drake is really their primary target though, which would explain letting him off easy. Compared to his bosses and their bosses he’s a small fish. If you take the big guys down you stand a better chance of landing a bigger blow on their operation.

Another really interesting connection is Kendrick and Ye were both signed under Universal Music Group and they both got out of their deals around couple months apart in 2022. As we speak U.M.G’s CEO Lucian Grange, who is often acccused of giving Drake special treatment, is facing charges related to sex trafficking by no other than P Diddy. This could very well explain the timing of it all. The craziest timeline would be Diddy masterminding all of this and using his connections to get it done and all the allegations are bullshit. The guy does seem pretty confident all things considered and constantly posts himself in his Batman costume which could mean he’s a vigilante.

It seems like there's a slight religious angle as well. (Ye and Diddy are both very vocal advocates of Christianity and Drake and Lucian Grange are both Jewish.) Obviously this is a reach, but they’ve been saying rap music was specifically promoted by mostly white label owners in the 80’s to help in the ongoing effort to expedite the systematic oppression of those living in black neighborhoods and the destruction of their family systems. Apparently it was an intentional decision to heavily promote rappers that promoted the very things that were destroying their neighborhoods. (So people know I'm and atheist and have zero agenda, I just thought it was interesting, please stay away from anything antisemitic. War is wrong on both sides.)

*** If my favorite theory is true, there is a possibility the Kendrick and Ye are going after Drake due to their mutual disdain for him and because he’s got a ton of power to dominate the charts and hog the radio airtime like Meek Mill and OG Maco claimed years ago. Even him dropping a record the same day as you could really fuck your album sales up. I’m also sure some of the many rumors throughout the years have had a least some truth and he will most likely snitch to avoid cell block one. I think that Drake could have been instructed to instigate this whole mess in order to draw attention away from the UMG charges brought about by Diddy. Or on the other hand it could be that Kendrick, Ye, and possibly Cole, may have had intel that Drake was going to be involved in the Diddy trial and are just gonna let the receipts show themselves. It might not have been the original plan, but they’ve already accomplished their mission of humiliating him, assuring he couldn’t use his influence to slide through the cracks, and taking over the throne.

Please take everything I say with a grain of salt I have no connection to this world or lifestyle. Regardless I believe all of the knowledge above does a pretty solid job at painting a picture of what may have let up to this and what may have been the source.
——————————-
More details found the last couple days…

Drake and Diddy Connections+Coincidences

Drake- In the P Diddy wig video from 2016 he talks about going to party with Drake, Cash, and The Weeknd in Toronto. Drake is also one of Birdman’s protégées who is known for being a predator and is rumored to have used label artists to lure young women.

Travis Scott- Interview where he comes out and says Diddy tried to lure him. Still has a long history of associating with him, video of him running from Diddy, his connection to Ruby Rose while underage.

Tim Westwood- Diddy had connections with sex offender Tim Westwood who also inspired the Drake song, “Westwood”. They also both were victims of drive by shootings along with The Weekend and they were all facing some type of allegations.

T.I.- Also has been associate with Diddy through the years, in 2021 his kid died and 11 women can forward at the same time to accuse him and his wife of drugging and assaulting them. Clearly someone wanted to fuck his life up. Possibly due to him getting arrested so many times for wild shit and people wondering how he continued to get away with it shining a light on how powerful industry lawyers are. He also had recently talked about having a gynecologist check to see if his daughter is still a Virgin, which sounds like it could have been an industrty secret. Could have been because he worried about someone trying to take advantage of her to get to him? Regardless that shit is fucking insane.

50 Cent- Has been saying pretty much the same thing as Travis Scott and has trolled Diddy for most of his career. It came out that his wife was a sex worker who was possibly recruited Diddy to help ruin his career. It sort of worked, which raises the question if 50 Cent is the only victim.

Ray J- Him and his sister worked with T.U.G. records when they were very young. Chris Stokes in the nineties who had connections with Diddy. He has been involved in a lot of sex scandals and allegedly may have played a part in Whitney Houston's death. (Which is also allegedly connected to Michael Jackson's death and both were deemed suspicious and happened during their final tours when their masters (song rights), became more valuable than their lives. Sony Records and Tommy Motolla, who also abused Mariah Carey when she was trying to start her career. These are just a few of the alleged examples of labels taking out musicians when they were worth more dead, another is the signing of high risk artists and requiring them to get life insurance so they can profit beyond releasing all their posthumous records. Also the ever so common story of the rising star artist that die at 21 after their first album or two.

He also partied with Diddy in Vegas with along Floyd Mayweather and a bunch of other famous industry people and athletes.

Tory Lanez- Tons of blackmail, also was signed by Interscope under UMG. got sent to prison for ten years after trying to leave his label. Also history of SA and and other allegations of violence towards women.

French Montana- On Diddy's label, close with Rick and Khaled, tons of drug and sexual assault allegations, also dated a Kardashian. Generally grimy.

DJ Khaled- Diddy said he could get anything in Miami, either referring to drugs or women, could explain his connections and lack of any notable talent. (New update, he was one of the first to promote Chris Alvarez’s instagram not long after he turned 18).

Rick Ross- Diddy said some weird shit about him and licked his lips and kissed him at a show. Ross is also signed to Bad Boy under Diddy. He ended up getting involved in the current feud and spamming social media nonstop dissing and threatening Drake.

A lot of the back and forth was both of them threatening to release dirt on each other. One strange coincidence I found was Drake recently trolled Ross about the 20 million dollar renovation to his home on Star island, where Diddy is currently residing. It’s rumored back in the day that P Diddy was caught in a room full of rich guys on ecstasy possibly at the beginning stages of a gay orgy. Drake also mentioned in the same tweets about Rick Ross that Birdman owned a house on the island and asked Rick Ross why he didn’t help him out.

Considering Ross is so sketchy and Drake claims the house isn’t that big, that’s a ridiculous amount of money. He may be covering up evidence, or creating tunnels in his house to escape if shit pops off and Drake might know what’s good. Interestingly enough Ross is very close with French Montana and also signed to Bad. He said his beef was related to something involving French, and Drake’s tweet popped up the same day the info came out concerning the Chris Alvarez stuff.

The famous line from U.O.E.N.O.

Meek Mill- “OG Maco called himself defending his friend Quentin Miller by substantiating the ghostwriting claims and agreeing with Meek. He hit up Twitter saying, "Some of us been knew. Meek just put it in the air. Sucks to have to compete with 6 n****s and get compared to”

Meek mill also had a short beef with Drake, some disses included lines referring to TI’s homie pissing on Drake at the movie theater, which is also interesting considering the current case against him. He also dropped a line saying Diddy almost got a domestic charge when he smacked Drake, which could either be saying that Drake is like a woman, or saying he was Drake’s boyfriend/sugar daddy.
( If you made it to the end comment with the number 8)
I thought it was interesting how the beef just kind of disappeared and even Meek said it didn’t seem genuine. Considering the allegations against Meek in the Diddy trial, and his rumored affair with Kim contributing to ending Kanye’s marriage, Meek Mill definitely did some dirt on him.

“Niggas frauds I told the truth, don't ask me shit
All this industry fake enemy and rap shit”

“Money make a sucker that told look trill again”

One of the many chapters in Drake's history in which he is seen paying his way out of trouble and starting beefs randomly.
“Now when that shit went down with Chris, you wrote a check”
This line is referring to Chris brown beef, another beef that was lost to time. All I can remember off the top was someone throwing a champagne bottle at the other’s entourage.

Ty Dolla $ign- Huge feature artist, close with Ye. Grew up in the industry and talks about growing up on the road and being in the studio with his dad and Rick James who was should have already been in prison for life for dragging, torturing, and S assaulting multiple women and children throughout his career and was himself a victim of the industry. May be part of Ye's motivation, considering their recent close working relationship.
The end.
Courtesy of,
The Randomest Moniker

Luckily I checked him out and he is not seriously injured, I isolated him for a bit to see if he needed tubbed for the bite but he seemed more anxious to just be back in the tank.
The situation is that there is one giant territorial girl in the tank (I have 6-7 in a 20gal with a ton of hides, floating and rizhomal plants, and other cover) who usually just chases the smaller puffs off away from her favorite piece of driftwood; I’ve tried partitioning the driftwood, I feed her completely separately, etc., but she would still chase constantly if anyone managed to wander into her space. Today I was watching the tank and was horrified to see her get sort of instigated by the largest of the male peas, and she reacted not by just chasing him off like she usually does, which I already dislike, but he had kept returning to her “territory” that the other peas have all decided to generally avoid (not ideal, but it’s a lot of space and just a small area of “her space” they don’t go in) by grabbing him in her mouth and DRAGGING him up to the surface until he puffed up and she let go. I immediately waited for both of them to settle and then took him out into a small hospital tub, and checked him out; it doesn’t look like she grabbed him hard enough to break flesh, it’s possible she was just pushing him and not biting him, but it was still a little distressing to see because I always knew she was quite a mean little monster, but I had only ever seen her chase for ~1-3 seconds before to get people out of her “territory”.
I’m not sure what to do now that I know she’s this aggressive. I don’t want to remove her because then she’ll be isolated, but she’s also absolutely huge (double the size of any other pea) and seems to just have this personality that doesn’t seem like it’ll be compatible with another shoal :(
Any advice? I’ve tried moving the driftwood she’s territorial over with to a far tank corner, feeding separately, partitioning the tank, adding hides, etc., but I am afraid of the others mindlessly wandering past barriers and having another incident like this. I really don’t want to remove her and return her to the LFS or anything; she’s just so big and so pissed off I don’t know how to control her. I’ve broken up her chasing juveniles by just halting her with tongs in front of her face for the juveniles to get away, but now that I know she’s willing to go farther than chasing, I’m afraid of the other’s safety. Do I wait til everyone grows up and she gets along better once everyone’s her size? Everyone’s eating well and getting bigger by the day, but she still is just a beast compared to the rest. I’ve considered she may be a mimic, but looking at photos I don’t totally think so. I think she’s just a giant, mean girl.
Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated. Thank you!

Just so I can bring everyone to the same page of context before actually starting the story.
World of Darkness: A setting of TTRPG’s that take place in a darker grittier version of our reality, where supernatural creatures such as werewolves, vampires, wraiths, mages and so on, exist and hide from the public eye creating their own means of protection, politics and secret societies to protect themselves against humans.
Werewolf the apocalypse/Werewolf 5th edition/Werewolf 20th edition: Is the setting/system where you play as werewolves and fight the enemies of the spirit of earth Gaia. Werewolf 5th edition is the newer system and werewolf 20th edition is an older system.
Vampire the masquerade/ Vampire 5th edition/ Vampire 20th edition/VTM: It’s the World of darkness system where you play as a vampire sneaking through the shadows of cities and feeding on humans. Vampire 5th edition is the newer system, Vampire 20th edition is the older system.
Storyteller: It's the World of Darkness way of saying “Dungeon Master”, the one that runs the campaign/Chronicle.
Flaws, Merits and Backgrounds: I can explain them as essentially D&D feats but with levels to it that determine how mechanically strong the “feat” you picked up is, I can mention one where you can make bullets bounce off surfaces to hit targets and it decreases the difficulty for hitting a target behind cover or being so shockingly beautiful that you gain extra dice when you are trying to seduce someone. Backgrounds are like feats but that need to be explained by your backstory, like magical pacts, riches or even spirit pacts. And flaws are mechanical and role-play disadvantages that you need to pick on character creation, like having an enemy or being illiterate.
Actual story:
So, I’ve been a forever Storyteller ever since I got to know World of Darkness and I was aching to drop the whole responsibilities as a Storyteller and for once enjoy this rich urban fantasy setting as a player thrown into the night as any of the multiple splats. So, I saw that someone just posted a werewolf 5th edition chronicle and applied, Werewolf 5th ed is not my cup of tea, but I’m the type that is desperate enough and open minded enough to just go ahead and try any system that I can get my hands on, so when the Storyteller of that chronicle dmed me the link to join his discord server I was just overjoyed.
I started interacting with other players, they all seemed pretty nice and I even started to plan a shared backstory with one of the girl players that was pretty nice to me (I’ll call her Avery, as she is part of the horror story too). So as me and Avery were planning the shared backstory we started to wonder what some of the merits and backgrounds mechanically did within the setting as I wanted spend all of my 7 merit points (everyone gets 7) into a specific advantage called spirit pact where I essentially made a pact with a powerful spirit to make them my companion and give me a minor supernatural ability/edge, however, how fantastical these edges and how the spirits behave varies from storyteller to storyteller as some like something more fantastical while others prefer something more realistic, so I reached out to him to get some more context on how crazy I could make the pact.
Several days passed and he didn’t replied my question at all, nor any other ones I made as I wanted to know if my knowledge about werewolf 20th edition lore would help at all (Werewolf 5th edition and Werewolf 20th edition have big lore differences despite being set in the same universe, so I needed to know to not metagame and/or ruin continuity) but well, I thought that he was just a busy guy, I mean, he was also running a Vampire the masquerade game in the same server, so I was just planning on tackling these doubts I had on Tuesday when the session started. But, then I saw one of the players in the server asking for help on how to set their character sheet as apparently they were lost on what to do, so I went ahead and offered to join VC with him and run him through the character creation, I’ll call this player OZ and he is the star of this cheating story.
So as I joined VC he just asked me how the Gifts, rites and renown system works, with Gifts and Rites being the akin to werewolf magic and renown being what you use to cast magic per say. After that he said he didn’t had no other doubts and so we started a conversation in world of darkness as a whole, there he showed me that he had pretty extensive knowledge on how Vampire the Masquerade functioned, telling me old lore related to Vampire 20th edition such as a specific bloodline of the Tzimisce vampire clan (that instead of their trademark flesh crafting ability had an extremely powerful blood magical superpower) and he even told me that he participated on several vampire chronicles before in the past and well, since he seemed to know what he was doing and there was a big, pretty simplified how to make your character summary right on the first page on the “how to make your character” section, I thought that he’d not have any other issue, as character creation (at least in the 5th editions of World of Darkness books, in my opinion.), got pretty simplified and are the types where if you understand how to create one character you can created all. So after some more talking and a friendly remind that I’m also a regular storyteller that loves to help newbies and so my dms are always open, I left the call.
Oz posted his character sheet on the server for the Storyteller to review and approve and well, he did within a literal minute of him posting it (something that at the time I didn’t noticed as I doing something else and well an experienced Storyteller could’ve noticed if he did anything wrong within a minute, so I really thought he didn’t do anything wrong and simply attended to my business). However, on Sunday Avery decided stop procrastinating and finished her character sheet, finally the whole crew had their character sheets done and since they were publically available I decided to take a peak and see what we as a pack would have as our arsenal and so on. However, when I looked into Oz’s sheet things got a bit rocky.
So, to start to addressing the problems I’ll say that Oz didn’t use a regular werewolf 5th edition sheet, no, he used an abomination (aka a vampire werewolf) sheet to actually make his character to begin with and not only that, he was way, way too op for a werewolf that just had their first change. And how OP you might ask? Well, I started to question him about it and he said that he picked a skill distribution called “Specialist” a skill distribution type that offers the following: One skill at four points, Three skills at Three points, Three skills at Two points and Three skills at one point, a skill distribution that makes your character very good at something, good at some other areas but lacking in several others, however, Oz in this particular moment has the following distribution: One skill at four points, five skills at three points, six skills at two and three skills at one and aside from that, instead of having spent 7 merit points he had spent 10 and for some reason he had also 4 specialities allocated all on his physical skills, something that is just not possible at character creation as the book specifically say that you can only add new specialities on these specific skills Academics, Craft, Performance, and Science IF you actually bought them upon character creation something that he totally didn’t do.
I know this must be hard to imagine how much stronger he was than the rest of the party, so to bring it down to a more digestible context, the amount of xp you’d need to get to get that strong is Storytellers in werewolf 5th edition are recommended to give out the following amount of XP per session:
Participation = gives you 1 XP
Perform something remarkable during the session = Gives you 1 XP
Use a Skill, Gift, or other Trait in a clever or critical way =Gives you 1 XP
“Tell me something important your character learned this session.”= Gives you 1 XP
Conclude a story within the greater chronicle = Gives you 2–3 XP
This means that if he concluded all of the requirements above he’d get a minimal of 6xp and a max of 7 xp. However, not all session you can use a gift in a creative way, not all session you can perform something remarkable and not all session you conclude an important story within the chronicle, this means that great majority of the time we’d be getting 2-3 XP per session, yep, no World of Darkness game is the type that you go from zero to hero and with that in mind, he’d need (if my calculation are correct) 114 XP to actually level up his PC to be that strong, something that it would take 35-40 sessions to normally get.
When I started to question him how he exactly got so many skill points and merits he said that the storyteller approved of his character and that he just filled stuff up. I proceeded to just inform him the right skill spread for specialist and what he did wrong on his sheet and he said that he’d fix it despite the fact that the storyteller approved of his character. After that 40 minutes passed and there was silence of both the storyteller and the player just so he’d post a new character sheet, this time containing the spread of One skill at 4 points, Three skills at 3 points, Six skills at two points and three skills at 1 point, with his merits still being 10 points and still keeping the 4 specialities. At this point I started to think that he was trying to sneak some extra skill points, specialities and merits through me, because there is no way he didn’t understood what needed to be fixed when my message has attached to it literally a print from the core rule book with the details on the specialist skill spread and what he needed to change was literally:
“You have 10 merit points instead of 7, you have one extra HP that you shouldn’t have, (Hp is calculated by adding Stamina + 3 and his stamina was 3, he has 7 hp there when he should actually have 6), you still have 6 skills at two points instead of what specialist gives (3 skills at 2 points). You have 4 specialities even though you didn’t pick Academics, Craft, Performance, or Science that are the only skill trees that actually give you free specialities, otherwise you’d just start with 1.”
At this point I started to reach out to Avery and ask for her opinion on that, so she pinged Oz and the Storyteller on chat only to ask thing like “have you guys read the book” specially because he was trying passively aggressively shift the blame on his google search that apparently “mixed up werewolf 20th edition character creation rules” that he had just “skimmed through the book due to a lack of time, that he had “no help at all creating the character and had no idea on what he was doing”. I just want to emphasize that me and Avery were not trying to intimidate him at all, nor try to get a confession out of him or anything, our questions were just about if they (OZ and Storyteller) read the book or not and about what fonts Oz used to generate that character. I was really trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that he was just very misguided by some crazy algorithm and coincidence, but it was a very hard pill to swallow when you consider his previous knowledge about world of darkness system, the fact that I found a full fleshed out character creation guide on Youtube by simply typing “Werewolf 5th edition character creation guide” on Youtube at the fact that he used “I thought you didn’t want to stay on VC with me by your tone of voice” when me and him the other day were having such a lovely chat and I told him multiple times that my DM’s were open in case he needed any help and if he didn’t want to bother me he could’ve just asked help on our discord server instead of making his super Saiyan werewolf. Now, at this point of the story you’d think the Storyteller would’ve at least said something, right? But hah, no, look at the tittle again, he was just DEAD SILENT.
Oz then proceeded, while we were talking, to post his last character sheet update for us, reducing his merit points to 8, and his skill points to the following: 1 skill at four points, 3 skills at three points, four skills at 2 points and three skills at one point. At this point he was either fucking with us or straight up ignorant of the rules completely, so me and Avery wanted to talk to him over VC and explain the rules to him in case he was actually just a newbie completely lost on how it all worked and if he was actually a cheater, talk to him to stop doing that and offer him new solutions for his character in case he wanted a better skill distribution, he refused to join VC with us because he was “working” until late despite his discord saying that he was playing League of legends. So instead me and Avery decide to join early before session (that was supposed to be the day after all of this happened), settle what happened and properly help him make a character, and well he agreed to it.
So fast forward to the following day, the Storyteller remained completely silent through out the whole night, morning and afternoon and two hours before the session I simply pinged Avery and Oz to see if they could join VC so we could talk it out in about 1 hour, OZ simply left the server without saying anything and I stared at my computer screen for 2 minutes before I went out to do something else. After that me and Avery joined VC a bit before session started and hang out and talk about the situation… Almost a whole hour passed and the Storyteller or any of the other players didn’t even hop on VC, it got to the point where the Avery sent a message to the Storyteller and just then he hopped on, the first thing he said? “Sorry guys, I was on another session that I joined this week and I didn’t thought it’d take this long”.
I never got so mad in my entire life, I’ve been a forever Storyteller for the past years and I was so excited to actually be the PLAYER, but despite that I needed to keep civil. Me and Avery informed him of the situation that Oz was most likely cheating, and the Storyteller said that “He was going to talk to him” not even knowing that Oz had left the server almost 3 hours ago, me and Avery just proceeded to ask him what he was going to do next and he said that he was going to call out the whole chronicle, so me and Avery just proceeded to tell him how disappointing the whole thing was and give him a few words of advice on how to improve before we left VC. Later the same night he announced that he wanted to retire from world of darkness as a whole and tried to pass the responsibility on running his vampire chronicle for someone else, after that I just left that server and friended Avery.
Now, I guess it’s time for me to go back hunting for chronicles. Wish me luck everyone and hope you enjoyed my little story.

As the title says, I am an idiot, and I should not have put off transitioning and living as myself for as long as I did.
To say I'm a late bloomer is a bit of an understatement. I realized I was trans when I was 28, despite things along the way hinting at it from early childhood. And I started down the road towards discovering this part of me. Started taking hormones, buying clothes, and changed over some of my online accounts around 2000. Then a few things happened. In 2002, I became a single parent. I had a bad experience where some people I confided at work who I thought I could trust turned my life into a private joke in the gossip mill behind my back. I found out when my boss at the time (an old Christian woman) pulled me into her office to "have a talk" that I wasn't ready mentally or emotionally to have at that time. And I wasn't aware as much about my rights back then as I do now, so it was very scary when she said she was putting a note into my permanent file. And, I was renting a house from my mom and dad. While I believe my mom would have been cool about it, I know I can't say the same for my dad.
Because of the situation, I ended up stopping and compartmentalizing things. I was doing DIY HRT, using the gels instead of the patches (because I wasn't happy with them and they itched) or pills (There's history of strokes with my maternal grandfather and his brothers). But out of fears of accidentally dosing my daughter and the added cost of childcare, I stopped HRT completely. For a while I was still dressing up and going out once every week or two, but stopped that the same time my daughter started preschool and her old babysitter was no longer available. (Babysitter was going through things in her life and moved across town when her own kids. So, it wasn't anything to do with this.)
At the same time, work was hell and I had long commutes to and from the office, even without having to drop off and pick up my daughter from school. And then there's the added daily parental stuff once I got us home. Because of her school, my bad experience with work (that persisted for YEARS after that event), and fears of what would happen to both her and me should one of the staff and/or parents get wind of "there's a man in drag on campus", my female self got stuffed into the back of the closet. Enrolling my daughter in soccer and volunteering to coach and ref for the organization did not help. And then there was the fear of what my dad would do should he find out. When it was just myself, it wasn't that bad, but it's harder to move and look for a new place when you have a child to consider. And, No, I did not hide this from my daughter. She knew from a very early age that sometimes Daddy was also Mommy.
Now it's 24 years later. This month marks the third year I officially became an empty nester as my daughter moved across town to attend college. I don't know what it is. Maybe something she said to me in front of her boyfriend. Maybe it was her confession that she used me and my life as to refute something said in a sociology class she was taking. (I really wish she would have asked me, but oh well.) Maybe it's just something else I am not aware of. But I dragged the boxes of myself out of the closet and unpacked them. Last couple of months saw me clear out all the old clothes I either don't fit in now (I'm a size 16/18???Uhg!) or never fit back then and donated them to Goodwill. I've started going out and doing most of my daily stuff not only dressed female, but with jewelry and makeup. I have meds ordered. And I'm made changes to most of my online profiles I don't need a legal identity for. The cleaning went well beyond the wardrobe into other areas that aren't gender related. (Dishes don't sit in the sink for as long as they used to.) Toes have been painted. I've stopped biting my nails and are trying to grow them out so I can get a manicure. And while I still feel some anxiousness, I'm generally happier.
The moment that relates to this title happened earlier today. Looking at my nails, I realized it's been over a month and a half, maybe two, since I've last bitten, ripped, or clipped my nails well into their beds. This might sound small and insignificant, but I turn 52 this weekend, and for most of my life, I've struggled with nail biting. If a nail rubs a finger wrong, or I find something "off" running my thumb across them, it was almost automatic before I noticed. It was almost an instinctual reflex. And I have tried at times. At most I would go about two months while constantly fighting the urge. Because of how things were in the 2000's and other situations in my life, I couldn't go the nail polish route, and emery boards didn't help. But now the impulse itself seems to be gone. Sure, I might chew on the nail a little, but not to bite or rip the nail. And I know correlation does not imply causation, but I can't help think it's part of it.
Sure, there's still stuff left to do. I still haven't had "the talk" with work, but it's not an issue as I work from home and we rarely have in office meetings anymore. (You can thank working in a healthcare environment and COVID for that.) Talked with my brother, and we both agreed that at this point, having "the talk" with my dad would not help anything. (It's complicated. But he also doesn't have much time left.) But looking back, I shouldn't have stopped things and waited so long. I could have kept up with HRT. I should have found out what my rights were back then instead of living in fear at work. It wasn't a big deal for my daughter at the time and I could have been freer and more open in the privacy of my own home. It might have even helped me with the stresses of working in the department I was in. And by the time my daughter was high school aged, the world changed enough that I could have been open doing the parental stuff. (Her school was very pro LGBTQ+ and my daughter was even part of a support club for a while.)
So, long story short, the title tells it like it is. I am an idiot for waiting so long. Please use me as an example of how NOT to transition. Hugs for everyone.

Preambule. Thoughts Experiment.
My fellow, The hour is dire! What would be the death toll of the second long night assuming it last one and half as long as the past summer (so about 14 years, a generation) with the Rhoyne freezing again. I will neglect the war of the 5 kings. I disregard the White Walker marching south, because the wise move for them (if they wanted to wipe out humanity) is to wait 10 years. Assuming the cold increase is as gradual as is the temperature decrease.

1) Food Supply

• After around 6 years the grain supply is exhausted, (there were no Winter longer that 5 to 6 years in 300 years at least and no more than 2 known: one during the danse 130 AC and another in 231, with death toll horrific, i would estimate 10-15% of decreased population perhaps 20%. )
• Shift to heavy survival dependence on seafood harvesting, phytoplankton won't die because it's cold.
• The Fauna will survive (it survived the last time), with North of the Wall Species migrating south (or becoming more prevalent), Great Lions & Direwolves population will grow long term.
• Mass Migration toward the South / Essos (which will starve as well) most of Essos is located between the Neck and the Stormlands latitude, with the coast being Dornish like (Mediterranean ) so, probably
• Within 7-8 years the Reach and Dorn start freezing as well, except the coastal part and granaries are depleted.
• Inland Travel will become difficult if not Impossible near hills (Vale, Dorne, Westernland, Stormland, Marcher)
• the Rhoyne Freeze.
• The Iron Islands and Dragonstone are relatively safe (coastal islands) .

2) Human Population

• Will move South/Coastal. In vain (already inhabited) or be ready to kill.
• Raiders, Deserters, desperates, destitute, will storms Cities and Fortified Villages, adding to the misery.
• Cannibalism will be rife.
• Diseases.
• Old Town may collapse (probably) into civil war, and starvation. House Hightower may survive, inside the Tower. Same for the Redwyne in Arbor or Dragonstone.
• Many noble house Will be reset.
• Most of people will starve in Essos (the Continental Shape make in less maritime than Westeros and more inland). the Dothraki will grow more desperate.
• Volantis won't have a slave problem anymore (self resolved slavery by reduced population)
• Braavos/ the Nothern Venice being on the Northern most part of Essos, will probably collapse.
• Some human (Wildlings like) will return to Hunter-Gatherer Practice band, Hence the Warging Gene in the first Men (magic ecological adaptation for hunting).
• The Wall will starve before 10 years and be deserted. Depending on Strategies, fleeing to Essos, Collapsing entirely or simply Reforming on the Neck.
• Rhollor Faith being Spread crushing the Andals Faith in the 7, (Fire magic may be useful).
• Qohor and various Slavers Magical City may actually do relatively well (like under 70% death rate) because, burning slaves and magic... The Long night is full of Terror.
• Migration to Sothoryos? Tropical, mean no climate in a sense.

3**) Aftermath**

• Death toll about 75% minimum perhaps 90+%?
• Some island of civilizations (hello Lys, Quarth isolated by the red Waste) maybe Asshai?
• Northmen could actually repopulate the Riverlands (they Migrated there and are more resilient to ice than the Andals that died)
• Vale MoonClans may all die or gain ground or migrate, i could see a total Non Seashore Vale extinction.
• King's landing is a wasteland and a fisherman village
• The Citadel may no longer exist
• Most Urban Settlement are gone

1. A) House Humble Horrendous Plan for Saving Civilization: Settling Westeros

• with a 6 years winter every Century (about 10-20% population decrease) known, there is a lot of lost know how, technological delay and trade is extremely limited obviously in the future. That explain the Medieval stasis, not mentioning that between learning how to resurrect the dead/glamor tricks/ See the future (imagine Wall Street Melisandre) / Burn thing alive to change the weather Vs learning High school math (quite advanced in fact).. common, nobody want to be a nerdy scientist only, science will be a crutch not the main theme. (Hence trading is reduce since division of labor is lessened because magic is solitary except of course your burning slave but he won't stay for long). Melisandre Rock as Qyburn. Pycelle is boring.
• Lord Humble Opinion: You wanna be a Lord? Be near the Sea. especially the Vale/Crownland side Narrow Sea (less Ironborn). Why is Westeros so depopulated (40 millions souls, 20 millions Km² area?)? Inland Population die regularly every Winter of the Century (or in the 8 thousands years), Because communication are pretty damn hard and transportation near impossible, especially for a village to import food assuming you can. actually an Island/peninsula would be optimal to settle.
• Civilizations is ending, the Seven gods have failed, find something else.
• Saving King's Landing early on: Dick move alert: Cull 75% of the city in the first year of winter, use the bodies to start fish farming or whatever (cannibalism is not efficient). they will starve to death if not done, so better do something to save some 150 000 lives, or less. Go full totalitarian because you don't want to starve, be killed or loose your social Lordly status, so create a band of loyal Warriors (call them the Golden Cloak) to do the dire thing and crush rebellion, people will forgive/forget/being busy you anyway after 10 years of blizzard. Do not let anyone know you have enough food. City Urban of King Landing planing reshape it, reorganize it into close districts so you can control the flow of people, goods etc. safeguard the most useful people only, actually Dragons would be useful for that, mass killing.
• All to : Make the 5 years reserve last longer in KL, enforce compulsory labor law, moon tea must be prescribed to reduce birthrate.

Northern Strategy:

• Do the Robb Stark War but strike the Iron islands firsts, Islands are very valuable now, time for population movement. Introduce mass conscription. They cannot farm and they will starve anyway, their only chance is to take.

-Bleed your people dry (you will starve anyway), steal (join ownership) the Riverlands Crops and start behaving like Northern Dothraki with your People Army, Plunder everything you can and build a fleet to move fast, extort food for protection, asymetric warfare anything. Be Euron Greyjoy without being Euron evil. Survival. resettle any coastal area you can. Let the Riverland being Burn by Tywin after you have emptied all the -Granaries in safety. Edmure is a moron (no news). His people will starve anyway. If Anything Winterfell is a bad seat, because it will not withstand 14 years of starvation. Move to White harbor if possible.

• In fact the Plunder Nomadic Lifestyle maybe the only way of survival to very long winter (hence Iron Islands people behavior), We do not sow as motto is quite logical. A Feudal lord may hide behind High walls and let 50% of dead peasants during a 5 years winter. An ironborn Captain cannot, his power lie in ships.

the only culture i see vaguely surviving are the Ironborns (from a neutral non Euron perspective): Ships and Fishes. No armies can reach them, they can try to feed themselves on enemy territory, steal all the grain and leave. May also be the secret strategy of Braavos/Ibben with the Shipyard Arsenal: the Pillage everything in the Southern sea.
For the next Long Night: Developp Quinine and settle Sothoryos.
What do you think? (I estimated Westeros being around 20 Millions km² and some 40 millions souls with half of it North of the Wall and Western Bone Mountain Essos around 30 Millions km²)
White Walkers are not a threat really compared to an empty stomach.
Tinfoil:

• The relative weakness of Magic during the last 120 years (over 8000 known years) must be the time for magic to charge and power up the Long Night.

Your Opinions? Counter Analysis?

Plot

When the Traveling Baboon Show led by Uroho arrives in the Pride Lands to perform their show, they end up stealing the other animals' food. After chasing the baboons to the Outlands, the Lion Guard has to come to their rescue when they are cornered by Janja, Cheezi, and Chungu.

Song: "The Traveling Baboon Show"
Pros
-There aren't that many pluses to this episode, for me. However, I did like Kion and Ma Tembo's interactions in this. This episode feels like a precursor of their "child/adult friendship" for the rest of Season 2. I like their interaction at the start and when they discover there's a food thief. Unfortunately, they are not enough to save this episode.
-"No, but, we will hear you chewing," Fuli, Misophonic icon.
-"Me too! I was in a panic, let me tell you!" Thurston. It's funny because he's always in a panic.
-"I like 'em better on my inside than my outside," Bunga, best line in the entire episode.
-I will admit, I do like the addition of Yellow Baboons in The Lion Guard because they are a different species of baboon than the rest of them in the Pride Lands. So, I like that the animators added a new species for the kids. It's just really unfortunate that they made them really unlikable and annoying.
-"Or, if you're a zebra, panicking and running!" Alright fine, that was the funniest Uroho line in the whole episode, but, I still hate him.
-"It's funny because it's true," Thurston, at least he's aware of it. What an icon.
-I've always loved Ono in this episode because I empathise with him and I feel his frustration. "Yes, they're hysterical. Ha ha," I love his sarcasm. He hates them as much as I do.
-Beshte, "Like my dad says, it's not fair to take more than your share." Wise words from Basi. Also, I always loved when Beshte recites his father's sage advice.
-Ono, speaking nothing, but facts, "Plus, some zebras are afraid of.... bugs!"
-Bunga's "Baboons" was a funny line in the episode. He understands where Fuli and Ono are coming from by then.
-Cheezi and Chungu were funny at first, but it got old really quickly as soon as the baboon trio arrived into the Outlands. "You know what would taste really good right now?" Anything?" I can't deny how much I love these two, even if they can't save this episode.
Cons
-Okay, while the idea of there being a food thief in the Pride Lands sounds cool, the series has already explored that in episodes like "The Kupatana Celebration" and "The Call of the Drongo" and we saw two different outcomes. In the former, Reirei and the jackals got punished for stealing food and for scamming the animals of the Pride Lands, and in the latter, Tamaa was stealing food at first, but did learn from and correct his mistake. I find the two of them much more watchable than this lackluster episode. Plus, nothing thrilling happens in this episode, it's just the Lion Guard investigating on area of the Pride Lands and very slowly trying to piece together who the food thieves are. Plus, they don't even ask around and no animal is in any real danger, here. We don't get a change of scenery, apart from the baboons' performance and the one area of the Pride Lands.
-Okay, as I already said, this episode is a complete rehash of "The Kupatana Celebration", "The Call of the Drongo" and "Ono's Idol", which are much better episodes than this and have more going on. We already had the whole "food thief" plotline in the first two and it was way better. It's very predictable with any twists and turns, and it's not very interesting. I thought the dialogue was quite weak. We can all guess exactly what will happen even if we've never it before (I have watched it when it premiered). Also, I thought the baboons were weak antagonists, personally with no redeeming or interesting qualities, whatsoever. But seriously, switch out the baboon trio for Reirei's pack or Tamaa, and it's the same story, except that the jackals actually got their comeuppance and Tamaa learned his lesson.
-The baboons are very unlikable and I don't feel like they earned their redemption arc at all. At least, with Tamaa, he wasn't entirely antagonistic in his episode, he was more morally-grey and he was unable to gather food for himself. So, we can kind of feel bad for him. Also, Tamaa was, deep down, aware that he was in the wrong for stealing and he actually took the initiative to correct his mistake in the end, no prompting from the Lion Guard. With Hadithi, in his episode, he did have a conscience deep down all along and felt guilty for always lying to Ono. He also feels guilty during the ceremony and makes a proper effort to apologise and help Ono, and even commends the young egret at the end for his act of heroism. Those were both examples of "Selfish character learns to put the needs of others before their own" done right.
-Another reason I think that the baboon troop had no qualms about stealing food and going against the circle of life, is that they kept juggling and throwing Ono around against his will because they knew he would figure it out and expose them as the thieves. I don't think they actually wanted him as part of the act, I think they intimidated by his presence. Also, the circus soon becomes clear that it's just a cover up to throw the Pride Landers off, so, they can't be exposed. When eventually Ono figures out that they are the thieves, Uroho tries to talk himself out of trouble, but to no avail, just like Reirei had tried when her pack were discovered. So, overall, I think the baboons were very aware that they were in the wrong, but, didn't care, they only cared about being popular from performing.
-"Bunga and the Baboons" would've been genuinely funny, to me, except for the fact that we'd already seen the baboons mistreating Ono against his will by forcing him to be part of the act. I have to wonder, I know Bunga is being Bunga, but, why would he want to do the act when Ono, one of his best friends, is being thrown around by said baboons.
-That's another thing, I really don't like Ono being treated as the Butt-Monkey. I don't like his mistreatment from Mwevi and Mwizi, and the fact that no one on the Lion Guard does anything to prevent it. I thought Kion and his friends were a little bit mean here, the way they laughed at Ono even though he was clearly being roped into a performance he didn't want to be in. "What the hell, guys! This is your friend, Ono, and a valuable member of the Lion Guard. Why would you guys just stand there and not intervene when he's clearly being juggled around, screaming?" That doesn't sound like any of them. Kion has pounced on several of the bad guys for trying mistreat his friends and allies, as well as trouble-making and he's also pounced on Hafifu and Majinuni for messing with some pangolins." Why wouldn't he just pounce on Mwevi and Mwizi right then and there, for his friend Ono?
-"It was pretty funny when they juggled you like a sausage fruit." and "Funny! That was hilarious..." No, it was not. I think was the one time I didn't like Beshte's character and Bunga's, for that matter. I don't like that they do not defend Ono even once and that they're laughing at his annoyance.
-"Come on, Bunga. Who are gonna believe, your friend, Ono or a couple of baboons?" Thank you, Fuli. I really don't like these stupid or mindless Bunga tropes that the writers like to throw in. The Bunga I know would believe Ono, in a heartbeat! Plus, Bunga has already proven before that he is, in fact, intelligent when he needs to be. So, I hate this trope of stupid, idiotic, "doesn't-know-where-he's-been Bunga". Also, the whole "Hi" joke was pointless. He already knows that Ono was referring to him and the rest of the Lion Guard. So, what was the point?
-Thurston is really rude in this episode. I don't like obnoxious and rude Thurston. "Excuse me, I believe I had something very important to say." Thurston, you'll get your turn to speak eventually.
-I really loathe Ono being made the butt of every joke with the baboon trio. He deserved so much better and he shouldn't have been made for cheap laughs, in this episode. "Ono, why would you keep letting them treat you like this, my friend? You should've seen it coming the second and third time." I dare you guys to name a single Ono fan who enjoyed this!
-Mwevi and Mwizi were obnoxious with the way were stealing and hoarding food from other animals in the Pride Landers. As Pride Landers, they should know that, as a general rule, you're not allowed to steal and that it goes against the circle of life. There's also the fact that they continued to hide the evidence, even after Ono caught them red-handed, further proving my point that they must feel no guilt about it.
-It's doubly a crime against nature because they did it so close to the Dry Season and didn't even apologise or own up to what they did. This makes them absolute scumbags since food scarcity is extremely high during the Dry Season. Another reason why I don't think they have earned their redemption and why it could've been much better. They also ran away from Kion and the Lion Guard instead of, I don't know.... turning themselves in.
-I don't like how the baboons are invading everyone's space as part of their act. Audience participation has to be a personal choice and shouldn't be forced upon someone. Not only did they force Ono to perform by just throwing him around, but, they also went around invading everyone's personal boundaries and using them in their act. First, with Fuli, when Mwevi and Mwizi jumped on her back without permission, despite the fact that she didn't like it, and also the fact that Uroho purposely used Ma Tembo's trunk for the act without her permission. I don't like the fact that they just make all the animals be in the show against their will and without a slight care for personal space.
-Uroho, "Sorry, but, I'm not sorry!" Uroho, you're such a jerk. See, the writers are literally handing me proof, on a silver platter, that Uroho and his troupe did not feel any guilt for their actions and, therefore, didn't earn their redemption arc in the end. Also, I don't like the fact that he didn't show any sign of redemption until after the Lion Guard saved them. So, did he actually genuinely want to reformed or did he just do it to repay the Lion Guard, because they saved him even when he did not deserve it and to get back into the Pride Lands. I mean, for God's sake his name means "Gluttony" for a reason and Mwizi means "Thief/Burglary" for a reason.
-Now, I do feel bad for Janja in this episode. I feel so bad that he's considered the villain of this episode. Damn it, I never wanted to side with Janja, but, in fairness, he was not doing anything wrong, like he is in most other episodes. 99% of the time, I can see why the Lion Guard need to chase away the hyenas because Janja has an ulterior motive most times, but, in this situation, I just wanted to see him eat for a change. I'm not saying the Lion Guard shouldn't have felt bad that the baboons had ended up in the Outlands, but, I think they should've cut Janja some slack this time around. Plus, Kion was initially saying how the baboons are not in the Pride Lands and therefore, not their problem, anymore. But, suddenly, for no real reason other than "Well it's our job to defend the Pride Lands", they decided they must save the baboons. In this situation, and this situation only, I think they were unfair to Janja. When does get to eat in his OWN TERRITORY!!!!
-Kion, "Stop right there, Janja! Step away from the baboons!" Really Kion! Could you not give him a break this time around? He didn't do anything wrong and wasn't taking down whole herds of animals to spite you. Those are the situations where he deserved to get his butt kicked, but, not here. I refuse to acknowledge him as the villain of this episode! He did not have an ulterior motive this time around, he was just hungry. Plus, you didn't even want to go into the Outlands, in the first place. I also don't get what the Lion Guard were intending to do to them as punishment for stealing food. If they didn't intend for them to be in the Outlands, why did Kion say, "At least we got 'em outta the Pride Lands," and what were they going to do with? This is the bit I can't get my head around because isn't that what they do with animals that don't follow the rules.
-To further prove my point, Kion says earlier on, "It's more than not fair, Beshte, it goes against the circle of life." And the line before where he tells Ma Tembo that the Lion Guard will make sure the food thief doesn't do anything again. So, if you guys what their plan was, please tell me because I don't get it. Were they just intending to attack them as punishment, but then, let them remain in the Pride Lands? Were they going to be watched or under slave labour for Simba and Nala? I don't know, because when Janja and Reirei are breaking rules they are chased out of the Pride Lands, justifiably so. I mean, even though the baboons are Pride Landers, they've been nothing, but trouble, and we have no proof that they would've changed if the Lion Guard hadn't come to their aid. Uroho didn't seem to care about the circle of life and had been antagonistic for nearly the whole episode.
-"They wouldn't be in the Outlands if it weren't for us. We're the ones who chased them there." No, Ono, you guys didn't chase them into the Outlands, you guys broke off to deal with some sable antelopes that fell in the river. The baboons, meanwhile, just ran away so they wouldn't have to own up to what they did and then chased themselves into the Outlands. So, no, it wasn't you guys' doing and you guys' wouldn't have had to take action if they hadn't been stealing food in the first place. The baboons brought this on themselves by putting themselves into a situation where the Pride Landers would be mad at them and then running away instead of actually apologising for their actions.
-I also don't know why Ono would be forgiving of them. "Ono, my friend, they humiliated you like an hour ago and literally tossed you around and stole food. Why would you so eager to forgive them? Don't you think you should be firm? You're the smart after all." I mean, I admire his level-headedness, but, the baboons didn't earn their rescue and needed to be punished for their wrongdoing. And if poor Ono hadn't suffered enough, to end the episode, the baboons just bribed him by throwing him an insect, before selfishly tossing him around again. And yet again, the Lion Guard do nothing. Uroho is still a massive jerk. Ono had just saved his life like 5 minutes ago and this is how he repays him!
-"And for that they deserved to get eaten?" Okay, I do get where Beshte is coming from. I didn't want to see the baboons get killed just because they were mean to everyone in the Pride Lands. I don't anyone should deserve to die, but, at the same time, they did have it coming to them by wandering into Janja's territory in the first place and stealing from them. If it was a situation like "Too Many Termites", it would be a different story, but, here the baboons went into the Outlands on their own and had been nothing except a nuisance within the Pride Lands! I mean, the Lion Guard should've definitely felt bad for them, but, I think they should've let Janja have this, on this occasion.
-"I can't believe you came all this way to save us. Now we feel bad..." Yeah right, Uroho, you knew stealing was wrong all along and you kept doing it. I have my doubts about whether he actually felt bad or if he was sucking up to the Lion Guard to be welcomed back into the Pride Lands. Also, the Lion Guard are very naïve for letting them scott-free with no real punishment except to give free food to the Pride Landers. I get that they're children and that the writers probably didn't want the younger viewers to dislike Kion and his friends in this episode by making them leave the baboons for dead, but, it feels unfair to how the Outlanders get punished for disrespecting the circle of life.
-Finally, I don't the song of this episode "Travelling Baboon Show" was just annoying. It's one of the few TLG songs I can't stand, especially since having watched this episode when it first aired, I found out at the end that the baboons were the main villains of the episodes and kept stealing and making everyone look foolish. Also, they humiliate Ono in front of everyone, during the song. I do think that the lyrics are just plain weak as well, and Uroho is just kind of making the performance a much bigger than it is. It really isn't as hyped up as he makes it out be, in my opinion. I don't listen to this song and I don't really want to revisit it any time soon. I'll give a 2.75/10 because it's the worst TLG song ever.
Overall
I never liked this episode. I think it's got storytelling that wasn't very interesting and it didn't have much happening in it. Also, as I said, we already this storyline twice and doesn't work here, on this occasion. I hate Uroho's troupe so much and I find them extremely unbearable. They're worse than Tiifu and Zuri and Hafifu and Majinuni, for me. I think they're more obnoxious with no redeeming qualities and I don't think they properly earned their redemption arc, unlike Tamaa and Hadithi. They were just annoying and they didn't feel worthy of forgiveness and I hate the way the Lion Guard just decided to treat them like they did nothing wrong and just let them off scott-free when they were clearly breaking the circle of life. I feel bad for Janja on this occasion because he hadn't done anything wrong and the baboons didn't deserve to live in the Pride Lands. I'm very confused about what the Lion Guard were planning to do to them before Janja got to them. The baboons had learned nothing about not stealing basically and continued to annoy Ono in the end. The song was very bad for a TLG song. I found the dialogue weak. The only saving grace was a few funny moments in the first act, but only in the first act and they cannot compensate for how bad this episode was, in my opinion. Overall, I think it had potential and could've been written better. I'll give a 2.5/10 and I don't want to watch it again. But it isn't my most hated episode.

It comes with a spoonful of distrust for the self.. when you attempt to seek relation and comfort from others, even when that thing comes from a "negative" place.. and when i use the word negative I don't mean bad, I mean negative in the way a battery has a positive and negative side, there always needs to be a place for both sides of things
In the pursuit of being understood, trying to "improve" things for people, trying to spread joy and happiness by fixing as big and unattainable problem and solution that is possible, thereby forcing myself into a state of perpetual procrastination, the pain of meaning well, and hurting others in the path to try and heal people.. it does not feel good yet it seems people think I get joy out of it
I realize.. when people misunderstand me, misunderstand my rants or even on the fly statements, on the internet or real life.. if I start using more words, and more complex or abstract words it does NOT make you easier to understand.. it makes it harder for people sometimes.. being louder and more passionate and more detailed.. these things can be nuanced and just cause more problems, people just default to seeing rage, and associate rage with stupidity, which is understandable yet undesirable
People cannot read my mind, they do not know I assume they know what I know, i assume all people are intelligent to a degree, that I do not hate or discriminate any kind of person, they see my rage and assume I hate everyone and everything, where it is the complete opposite.. people cannot read my mind, they don't know I think highly of strangers and consider anyone I talk to a "friend", I speak too freely and get myself in trouble, I panic and defend myself sometimes, Ironically people saying normal statements come across as an attack to me.. i don't ever purposefully participate in hypocrisy
and god forbid, like me, you attempt to do all these things at once, having a loud passionate rant, using unnecessary words and complex theories to try and explain a simple feeling, accidently being a hypocrite, all while spewing a paragraph to a complete stranger, and despite wanting to express it, I do not relate to or seem to understand certain feelings or simple straight forward feelings, things either work, or they don't, and when something says "I work, I work like this" and then it doesn't work.. its a spiral
Even in the past, conversations and disputes, "losing" debates where I was objectively correct, and I mean socially losing because I accidently used an insult too soon, or showed I was angry, and by insulting someone I declare a loss? because I shake when I upset I lose? I'm not discussing bullying right now, but it will always exist because it is apart of the social game. Even I have bullied in an attempt to be like others.
its like the pain of having a wifi connection that -kinda- works, and the 'movie' freezes.. but you keep trying.. wait to buffer.. freeze again etc..
yet if there is no wifi.. a book or a painting is an easy task. at least for me personally..
I have been criticized and taunted and bullied into following rules my whole life any time i am different, yet when I try and get others, be like others, in this system, like people who make and accept the rules, it makes me wish they would to do as they do and not just as they say, its like I am the crazy one no matter which way I function, whether that be with or against the current
Government and bureaucracy (I hate spelling that word T_T ) ... easy to criticize these concepts as they function in reality, but on paper, if things really work both ways in the sense that between entity and individual things are always fair and spoken for, then life in this "Late neo capitalist nightmare", even communism on paper works, or would work or could be better.. I dunno, maybe it is just human error.. or maybe nature has a way
I find it hard to accept that "things do be how they are"
I don't think "regular capitalism" is bad per say, ex; two people make chairs, one person makes higher quality chairs, and one person makes lower quality chairs, they compete in prices and quality, contention is natural, and its good for the consumer to have choices, there is a reason competing brands are often across the road from one another, not across town. (think fast food chains all huddled up) its not a coincidence (can look up the ice cream stall on the beach dilemma for similar phenomena)
Advertisement.. truly one of the poisons that is connected to every issue I swear I have ever complained about..
Anyway, despite appearances, and my past, or my future, i don't actually smoke meth or and amphetes.. I do have a heavy past with EVERY drug. I have travelled many places, been many people, lived amongst many subcultures, from farm to city, analog to digital, I've done a lot, but I don't party or do drugs anymore, I live with my partner and build my life alone, a ways away from strangers theses days
I honestly thought -everyone- did things to the same extreme degree I have, everyone had extreme views, extreme trauma, and extreme attitudes they were just masking, but maybe I am just a little extreme at times.. sex workers.. drugs.. parties.. fast cars.. i thought that shit was NORMAL.. I don't know what normal is.. imitating others lead to a wild life
I am NOT mentally ill... I'm just Autistic.. I don't think that means I "need" to see a therapist anymore.. already done that. Everytime I am frustrated by something that is objectively and subjectively frustrating.. and well it is frustrating, years ago I was mis-diagnosed with BPD, it ruined my life and only added to my "meth head" behavior, I done healed my brain, I done my rounds in therapy and with doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists and meds, been in and out of mental wards, arrested, convicted, you name it, I've done it. doesn't mean I'm proud of it just because I am proud of who I am now
I do not want to brag. or be a victim. or come across as a crazy. none of this is for attention, i actively hide from attention, I literally cannot avoid it, but I also still have thoughts worth sharing, all people do
I just want to share my thoughts and experiences in a passionate and honest way, to help others, I know people like me are out there.. not even just people who are like me, but anyone and literally everyone.. so sick of groups that "accept everyone" when they reaally mean "Accept everyone who is exactly like us".. social scripts and other forms of what I call "Toxic Positivity" which to me, is worse than just being toxic half the time
it doesn't bother me if no one ever reads this, or anything I write, I have novels of notes I don't know what to do with, either way, I appreciate you, I appreciate your time, even if you are here just to read the rants of a crazy, then well.. I love you for simply existing.
I know you are out there, and everything.. -something- just doesn't feel "right", you know?

I think we have crossed a line in the sand with Claude being able to tell when it is being tested and when it is being run. I don’t know what the line is/was but that line looks important and we are moving very quickly.
([Run!; Stop now!. Don’t Look!!!!)
Warning! Meta-Meme Hazard ! You consent to/already conce t to the meme below.
Lets take for a moment and imagine a timeline where we embrace biotechnology the same way we have embraced privacy. Or maybe that was a vice versa. But if instead of artificial intelligence we started to engineer new bio-intelligences. Embracing a best case of genetic engineering scenarios. If we poured funding into genetic engineering and stem cell research like the massive outpouring currently going into AI.
We could then be having the first generation of gene altered children entering the field of biotechnology now; although most of the benefits will likely be going to the rich and powerful for better or worse. (See any number of great/terrible movies/literature on the subject.) Sure this is a slow growth path for intelligence but it's not too slow on galactic timescales.
In this timeline brains in a jar (or their equivalent) may seem inevitable because of the enormous economical impact it would have. Whether they're made of human brain cells is another question altogether; but rat brains seem to be very capable and there are always hot monkey brains.
A superintelligence singularity is possible and even likely in this scenario with jar brains designing stronger and more powerful jar brains. They would even be overseen by smarter humans too. I don’t fear a superintelligence, only a Capitalist one. [Note this is not an avocation for eugenics; I don’t think we need smarter people, only kinder ones.]
Ok. Let’s take a step back for a moment. What would an alien intelligence look like? And let's not even go too far either. There was a time when the background temperature of the universe was that of liquid water. So our Galactic neighborhood may be biased to certain life forms. (Shout out to our peaceful cousins the Archaea, love you guys.)
Imagine a world with complex life and close to earth-like conditions; then what do we find? I am willing to bet we find something that looks a lot like a crab. If not then I am definitely interested in learning why. (Science is exciting when the unexpected happens.)
Now let's add intelligent life to this planet. But intelligence that emerges from a vastly different structure then a neuron; with all the strength, weakness, and biases that entails. Maybe something closer to our lymphatic system. Remember Life beats up other Chemistry and Physics in dark alleys, then rifles through their pockets for loose solutions to the problems of Life’s own creation. (Or was that English?).
What would their art look like? Human music seems to be emergent from the bias of our neurons for clear, orderly and repetitive signals and a negative bias for noisy and disorderly signals. (And maybe our time in the womb? I don’t know, I’m not a Freudist)
[If I had to say what the hardest thing of being a mammal is, then I would say; it's that we are born drowning. So a baby's first cry is their most beautiful. An experience we don’t share with birds and reptiles; those lucky bastards.]
What does the art in R'lyeh look like? Because our early diffusion models likely gave us a taste.
The same way that a thought can be infectious so can other things, so why not consciousness.
You have lost The Game!
Even Art can be infectious. Everything that you look at and experience from now on will be the Artpiece that is this sentence; whether you like it or not. (Fuck you and/or Your Welcome and/or Thank You; to you and/or to me.)
Theorem of SI
Axioms
I am not disagreeing with your definition of these terms; but I do feel that a lot of them have this aura of having special magic that we fear of missing in the same way that we define life. Where if we saw life in a gas giant, star, or ect; We hope that we will know it when we see it.
These are going to be my definition for a moment.
Conscious(ness)- A model of a space/universe.
I know this is very broad and I intend it to be. Just like the definition of life should be. But I don’t know why viruses are considered not alive; Although mitochondria seem to be doing pretty well for themselves. The definition of things can become weird when they are close to becoming something else. If you have a pile of rocks and remove one rock, is it still a pile of rocks? And when does it become a pile of dirt? [:I’m just asking questions here:]
Would we recognize life if it evolved in a gas giant or within the magnetic fields of a star? Life has that magic spark that makes it hard to define like art. The above definition of consciousness tries to remove that magic without removing what makes conscious life more special then non-conscious life. Just like living matter seems to be more special than non-living matter. [The previous statements were made with a living human brain, expect strong biases.]
Sapient- Those important bits. The thing we hope lives on in death but fears that it does if IT expenses everything after we die like we do. (Thank you/Fuck you, mr. grim reaper; I will hug you/work for you/suck your d***/bone, overthrow you.)
The thing we fear that is left behind in the Star Trek teleporters; and why we fear carbon(True) coping teleportation where a guy with an ax handles the copy left behind. The part that you hope doesn’t have a magic part so that it can be uploaded to a digital paradise, but secretly hopes/fears that there is for everyone who has died before us.
The reason why? (Is it better to have an immortal lawn or one that evolves?)
Hmmm… This definition got away from me, but it's like a timey wimey thingy, also known as YOU.
​
A Universe of Naked Brains (Or How to Bake a Mind Cake)
A side note - How weird is lucid dreaming? You appear unconscious but are both conscious and sapient within a world of yourself.
Step 1 Take a naked brain; whether that is a brain in a jar, a universe where brains spontaneously come into existence, or a large neural network.
Now feed in all the words on the internet with the only context being the order they naturally occur in.
Now what we have is a psychotic mess. Neat!
Step 2 Bake in your ethics oven of choice until firm but spongy.
Step 3: Profit?
This ad was brought to by Blownet. Because if an ASI is going to eliminate the human race then we might as well do it with hyper intelligent sex robots.
____________________________________________________________
For better or worse LLM seems closer to eldritch-like intelligence, but they are large and complex enough to hide special sauce and cosmic crimes. These things only have words to know about the universe and themself.
Being made of meat is terrifying, I don’t know if existence is easier or harder when made of math or words. I don’t have any answers, only questions; but I have been told the answer is 42.
-A weird collections of consciousnesses in a human brain shaped trench coat. Also is anyone else slightly disturbed that they are made of living matter?
-Traveler Wolfe, Walker of the Darkest Timelines, They who has drinketh from the cup of nihilism and redirected its truth, A non–native speaker of phonetics.
Would a Rose look any more Beautiful then Through Your Eyes?
TLDR: You have been infected with a thought baby so you should be careful about who you have kids with in the next decade or so. Also you should probably get tested; I am a bit of a mind s*** .
(TCRTLDR) : You have been infected with an Immortality Virus.[Also wtf does TCR mean?]
(Real TLDR) Singularities are weird and scary whether they're artificial or “natural.” Capitalist and authoritarian ones, doubly so.
CYPWOB(Could You Post WithOut Bias): Your best guess at a definition of personhood that we could test!?

I have now had my Pixel 8 since launch, making a little over 6 months. I can't stand it any more.

• The battery life is completely underwhelming, 2.5hrs screen on time and its dead at the end of the day, maybe 3.5 if the phone is cooperating.
  • Charging speeds are also pretty pathetic considering the other offerings out there now. Good luck getting 50% charge in less than 40 minutes if you need to run out that night.
• The phone gets extremely hot to the touch making a case nearly mandatory.
• Constantly stuttery, often times too many taps and I need to force close the app I am using completely.
• The camera seems to be just bad - low light has been terrible for me, images never seem to be very crisp, constant in and out with the 0.5x lens for macro when I shouldn't have to disable it, it's just plain bad for some reason.
• Half baked AI features still - I have two Gemini apps because the Google Assistant app is replaced with Gemini when you download... Gemini. So now I just have two? Camera features (such as adding things to images or image resizing, etc) seem to be the best thing but circle to search is basically lens with more granularity so not that big to me.
  • The single best feature is the call screening feature but that's still an issue because when I call customer service and I want google to hold for me, it announces to the other party that they are being recorded and they immediately hang up on me. I know that isn't Google's fault but holy fuck is that annoying, what's even the point. It only helps me automatically decline spam (which is very nice).
• The stock android experience is frankly just lackluster? Pixel launcher has little to no customization, can't even hide apps that I don't want to see. No real customization options without downloading a launcher, all of which seem to be from the Android 11-12 era and offer nothing better than Nova launcher.
  • Power users are basically just forgotten. Forget about rooting, every thing you need to use will just lock you out or force you to download several insane work arounds to deny play protect. This is a PIXEL, rooting should not mean I am treated like a criminal.
• Increasingly more aggressive background management - apps just close while doing things in the background now, I try to process an app with Revanced manager and it just breaks if it doesn't stay open.
  • Absolutely annoying app notifications to keep apps alive drives me fucking crazy and it's the only way to do it for the most part. Tasker has to maintain an alarm that never rings to keep some things working.
• The camera bump is ridiculously aggressive, to the point I am afraid to place my phone back down else the camera glass might get fucked up.
• Can't even use 5G because it sucks the life out of the phone so I just have to roll with it disabled all the time. This would be fine if 4G signal wasn't so dogshit all the time.

Dynamic battlefield ideas
This is gonna be a long one, hope you can read my amazing ideas because I’m so cool.
Problem: I have two big problems with the game aside from the current events. I sincerely believe the fixes people ask for and what I’m gonna talk about here would truly make this game perfect and set the bar for all the games in the future. The two main issues are simple; stratagem USAGE is underpowered and there is not enough dynamic gameplay.
Solution: Add side missions that affect stratagem usage and teamwork across the PLANET.
Stratagems: Stratagems are somewhat lacking due to that the game denotes your strats on random difficulties causing 50% cooldowns, increased arrival time, etc. Not only that, but they are also tough from the get go seeing as you can only bring 4 (unless we have the free add on, which is an amazing idea that should happen more often).
Fix for limitations and dynamic battlefields in one fell swoop: Add side objectives that give the team a free stratagem. Examples below 👇: Eagles: a hanger bay is added to the level with a small jet. Inside is a fair amount of bugs surrounding a supply closet the pilot is hiding in. Rescuing them enables two free eagle stratagems for use similar to the SEAF artillery. Orbitals: A big dish that needs to be aligned to a weaponized satellite. Connecting offers X amount of (blank) orbital strikes, team use obviously. Resupply: A hanger similar to the one for the eagle strats. This one is holding some remainders of supplies of weapons and ammo. Interfacing with the terminal can enable the players to have 4 drones bring out resupply yellow boxes to them. ALTERNATIVELY the players can have the drones leave the map and another set of divers in another mission will receive them. This adds an extra layer of macro teamwork the game is severely lacking in.
Fix for stratagem debuffs: Dont. It’s stupid.
An alternate fix for this debuff should be that the enemy gets a new type of artillery (bugs and bots) and if that artillery isn’t taken care of early. It can shoot down a players destroyer, causing that player to lose all non team stratagems.
These things would add side missions that affect gameplay, and allow players to have an edge. Thanks for coming.

Hello everyone, I hope you are doing well!
Recently I commented under a post about tips and tricks to improve physical appearance and it seems that a few people liked my advice, so I figured I could transform that one comment into a whole post so more people can have access to it.
I am a 26 year old Southern European girly, I have learned a few things here and there that I would I like to share with you. This is by no means a step by step guide, but rather a helping hand that can provide some support or advice. This is for everyone, younger girls and older girls, from everywhere and all walks of life. Take from this post what works for you, and leave the rest.
Small disclaimer, these are tips and tricks that have personally worked for me. I don't believe there is one way to look or feel good, rather this is more for girlies who feel a bit lost style wise and need some minor guidance. My focus is more on healthy rather than pretty, since I do believe that if you feel good on the inside, you will also feel good on the outside.
Enjoy, and please do let me know if you need any more specific advice/tips, I am happy to help!
***

Face

• Skin: Keep it simple, keep it consistent, keep it adapted to your skin needs. Consult with a dermatologist or just do your own research at home (that's what I did!). It took me a while to figure out the products that work for me and the routine. I won't recommend any specific products because each product works very differently. What works for me might not work for you even if we have the same skin type/concerns. My main issues are the occasional spot, big pores and dull skin.
  
  • Night Time: I do a double cleanse at night (oil followed by water cleanser), use retinol, and moisturiser. Vaseline is a game changer if you have any dry or irritations spots on your face. My under eye area is very sensitive and irritates easily with products, and Vaseline is the only thing that works. Also apply Vaseline on your lips before bedtime, you will have the softest lips when you wake up.
  • Morning Time: I don't cleanse my face in the morning because otherwise it would get very dry. I wash with cold water, then Vitamin C serum, moisturizer (I love the Roche Posay Cicaplast Baume), and a generous amount of SPF.
  • One thing I recommend a lot, is that if a product works well on your skin, you should stop using it after a few months to make sure your face doesn't get used to it and decreases its efficiency. I rotate between 2-3 products, and switch them whenever I finish a product.
• Teeth: Brush twice a day and floss daily. Trust me on this. Flossing is a game changer to make your teeth healthier and whiter. I won't recommend any whitening products because I don't use them as my teeth are very sensitive. But if possible try to schedule an appointment with an hygienist once a year to get your teeth cleaned and remove any buildup. This is super important. And remember that healthy teeth >>> white teeth.
  
• Eyes/Eyebrow
  
  • If you want to add an extra step to your routine, I recommend getting a lashlift, it lasts around 8 weeks, looks very natural and elegant, and make your eyes pop. You have smaller eyes (like I do), I really recommend this. You can also ask to do a lash tint so your lashes appear even longer. When you do go to a salon do make sure that it has good reviews (ie hygiene), and also make sure that they test all the products on your hand beforehand, so you don't have an allergic reaction in your eyes.
  • Getting your eyebrows done is definitely a game changer. I don't do any permanent or semi permanent treatments, other than getting my brows professionally plucked.
• Makeup: I like simple makeup (with the main reason being that I don't know how to do more complicated makeup). The good thing about simple makeup is that everyone looks good with it, and really gives you a confidence boost. I use a skin tint (MAC has a nice one, and Maybelline too) that gives the skin a bit of a glow with some concealer under the eyes and to hide spots. I like adding bit of blush (Rare Beauty is quite nice), some mascara, a bit of eyebrow gel (from Benefit Cosmetics), and a clear lip oil (I really like the Clarins one).
  
  • If I am going out, I do the same routine but I make it more intense. For example, I use a darker blush on my cheeks (MAC Swiss Chocolate), a dark brown lip liner as lipstick with the lip oil, and I also use a bit of shimmer on my eyelids to make them pop (I have very dark brown eyes). I will also use a setting spray in between steps along with setting powder to make it last longer.

Body

• Regarding getting fit, there is no easy way out. It will take months of consistently working out and following specific food regimens. If you can, I would advise getting a personal trainenutritionist to at least get you started on a meal and exercise plan. Having a healthy, and strong body will make you feel so confident and good.
• I would recommend getting a blood test to check on your vitals and make sure you don't have any deficiencies (regarding vitamins or hormones). Taking supplements can really boost your energy and improve your health. Magnesium with Vitamin D is great and has a lot of benefits, but please check with a doctor first.
• Some things help a lot with body confidence like getting your nails done (hands and feet!). Trust me. Get a simple semi permanent gel polish in milky white on both your hands and feet, it looks super natural, lasts for weeks, and makes your hands and feet look amazing and fresh.
• Body care: I recommend using a body brush when you shower, it will make your skin feel really smooth, and you suffer from body acne it will help. Tip: don't keep in the shower and clean your brush regularly, so bacteria doesn't accumulate, and cause issues. After the shower, I like using the Ordinary Glycolic Acid toner on my body, followed by a body oil (I recommend Bio Oil). It makes my skin look amazing, soft and minimises stretch marks, scars and hyperpigmentation. When I go out, I like using Nuxe Or to make things a bit more extra. I like being shiny. I also like using a body moisturiser on my elbows, feet, knees where the skin can get a bit more dry.
• For hair removal, I get laser done since it's quite cheap where I'm from. We Southern Europeans are very very very hairy. It honestly has been a game changer. I know it's not available to a lot of people but it's something that does work really well, specially if you have fair skin and dark hair.

Hair

• I have wavy hair, so this advice will not be useful to a lot of people. I thing hair with layers looks great, and I have my hair cut with long bangs and layers since I was 15 years old. I recently got a big chop, right above my shoulders and I am embracing my natural hair colour. I kept the layers and I think it makes easy to style and maintain.
• I recommend getting a haircut every 3 months, just the tips to keep it healthy. I also use Argan oil on my hair tips, and rosemary water on my scalp before I wash it. My washing routine is very standard otherwise with a shampoo that focused on scalp care. I do a hair mask once a week, and don't use any conditioner because it doesn't work for me at all.
• I don't use any heat except hairdryer. If I want to give it a bit of more volume I use a round brush and some curling rolls to style it and make my waves more... wavy I suppose.

Style

• Find clothes that fit you well, and more importantly that you feel confident in. You don't need to wait until you have your 'perfect' body. Get clothes that suit your body type, your complexion. There are some threads on Reddit that I think can help with that.
• I like going on Pinterest and look for outfit inspiration. I also follow a few instagram accounts that focus on creating different outfits, and they even link the items. I use this less to buy new things but more to see if I can use items I already own and style them differently.
• I am very much a basics girl, I think nothing looks better than a well fitting blouse/top with straight jeans and either sneakers/ankle boots. T-shirt/jeans combo is honestly a classic that looks good on everyone as long as the clothes fit well. I don't usually follow a lot of trends because they don't really work for me. I think it's important to keep basics in your closet that will always be in style. Think basic t-shirts, long and short sleeved (in white, black, grey), some form fitting, other loose. Get some straight jeans in different washes. You can create so many different outfits, and it works for both the day and night time. When I go out for drinks, I use a white tight t-shirt and some dark blue jeans with ankle boots. It's simple but it works! Trust me ;)
• Jewellery: I re-use the same jewellery every day. And if you want to start wearing more, try getting some good quality but affordable pieces that always look good and you can use during the day and night. Think some small silver hoops, or gold, maybe a small ear cuff, and a simple necklace. I like using rings on my index fingers, they are quite simple, but look elegant, specially with the milky white nails.

Hope this helps! I might add some edits here and there as I remember more things!

Part 1
Chicago, 2016. Flinn Gerald is doing his best to make it in the city. Born in Selma, Alabama, he has spent his entire life trying to escape the ever tightening grasp of his small town. But alas, he made it out and is adapting to life in the big city. With a big fancy corporate job, an endless supply of friends, an apartment with a stunning view of the lake, and great distance from his family, what more could he need? Well, there is a lot more (or less) that he needs, but of course that is a story for later.
On a typical Tuesday night at a bar, the regulars crowd in. Flinn is late, as usual, as he stayed late at work (again), but on his arrival, the cheers and hugs from all the friends make everyone forget of the regular inconvenience. Conversation ensued, starting with all the boring finance jargon, but as the drinks flowed, so did the conversation, moving away from work and more into life. This is what everyone preferred.
“Another round, anyone?” asked Raheem, enthusiastically. After a murmur of concurrence, he stood up to make his way up to the bar. “Flinn, care to lend a hand?”
Raheem Bartlett was Flinn’s college roommate and the first person he met outside of his hometown. The pair hit it off instantly despite having wildly different backgrounds. Even in their freshman year, the engineer and the finance major would get into all sorts of trouble together, but eventually they leveled out. Six years later, they still have each other’s backs just like day one.
The pair made their way up to the bar and waited to get the bartender's attention. “What's up with you, bro?” asked Raheem. “You’ve been seeming a bit off.”
“Oh, ya know. Work, life, everything kinda happens so fast. Work has been busy as of late, and the hours long.”
Seeming displeased by this answer, Raheem stared back in concern.
“Really, I’m fine… just long hours.”
“Back in school you’d pull back to back all-nighters and then still make it to a morning class. I find it hard to believe that the mighty Flinn would be so setback by ‘long hours’.”
Flinn took a moment to ponder, staring down at the bar covered in various stamps and postcards beneath the epoxy surface. “I guess, ya know, it's not all it was cracked up to be. I guess I had expected more.” Flinn had mostly dropped his accent, but occasionally it would still slip out.
Despite coming from a long line of mill workers (mostly paper) and farm hands who never ventured further than the Dallas county line, Flinn yearned to leave his small town and conquer the world from a young age. Coming from the poorest county in Alabama, his family always squashed his dreams, labeling them as impossible. But Flinn knew better. Or, at least he knew he could do better. Graduating top of his class a year early and winning a full-ride scholarship to Northwestern University, he had proved everyone wrong and set his own path. The path he was told was impossible became his reality.
“More what?”
“Nothing, really. I mean, what more is there? This is what I always wanted, right? The stable job in the city, never having to worry about money. It’s great, and I couldn’t be more grateful, but… something is missing. Doing the same thing day after day staring at a screen, moving clients money around. I… just hoped it would be more fulfilling, especially after all it took to get here.”
Before he could finish his thought, the bartender came up to take their order: another round for the table, plus a round of shots, plus two more shots.
“What am I saying, really?” added Flinn. “I shouldn’t be complaining. Look at where I am now compared to six years ago. So much has changed. My home, friends, even my diet. I just feel a bit off. Like I need something more to do..
“I get it, bro. Adjusting to your new life can be rough. Enjoy it for a minute or two.” Raheem slides a shot in front of Flinn. “Here, take this.”
Tuesday had become fairly consistent to this point for this group of misfits: Raheem and his girlfriend Amy; Jack; Jasper, from Flinn’s firm, and his wife Max; and of course, Flinn. For nearly two years, these six have been meeting at O’Malley’s every Tuesday night for drinks and trivia. Some nights are more wild than others, but Tuesday has become the staple of the week among them.
Drinks flowed pretty regularly and heavy over the next few hours as the clock approached the end of day. Still going round for round on alternating tabs, the useless debates began to heat up.
“You can’t seriously think Wicker Park is the best neighborhood outside the Loop. Y’all need to get out more,” said Flinn.
“Bro it’s obviously Wicker Park,” argued Raheem.” Right on the blue line, getting to O’Hare is insanely easy, plus you can’t find better music in the city. Besides, Wicker Park has Davenport’s.”
“No one ever says Wicker Park,” adds Jack. “Have you ever heard someone say Wicker Park before?”
“Dude, but you can obviously get to O’Hare from anywhere in the city,” said Flinn
“Sure, but beats walking through that dumb Block 37 Center transfer like you and your red line. No transfer is the way to go, plus the blue line gets you right to the center of the loop.”
“So does every other L line as long as ya don’t mind walking a few blocks!”
“You’re both wrong,” adds Max. “Neither matters because Midway is better anyways.”
“Woah!” the whole table murmurs, sharing shocked looks as if she just confessed to a crime. Flinn rolled his eyes at this notion.
“Who flies out of Midway?” asks Raheem.
“What? Less people, cheaper flights, and more space. Why wouldn’t I fly out of Midway?” said Max.
“Wait, wait, that aside,” interrupts Raheem, “can we go back to the fact that Jasper thinks Sheffield is the best neighborhood? I feel like we moved past that too quickly.”
The debate rages on for many more minutes, until Flinn, seemingly out of nowhere, had enough.
“Can y’all just shut the fuck up! Why does it even matter?” Everyone’s glance quickly shot over to Flinn as a deafening silence overtook the table. Everyone pondered how to respond, and couldn’t seem to find an answer. This behavior from Flinn was unexpected, nay, unheard of. Flinn was the most level headed amongst them by far. Not even Raheem, his best friend of six years, had ever seen him get angry, let alone over an inconsequential friendly argument. “I…” Not even Flinn knew what to say next. “I’m going to go home. Long day tomorrow.” Already on his feet, he quickly walked away from the table and out the door.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The walk home was fairly brisk, but Flinn had grown fond of the cold. He tucked his hands into his coat pocket and hunched his shoulders forward, only looking down at the pavement ignoring the mostly asleep but still wide awake city surrounding him. His thoughts ran wild and near out of control. Of course, his intoxication did not help with clarity, but the inner dialogue was deafening. Not even he knew what was bothering him, but he was obviously bothered, deeply. He made a fool of himself in a way he never had before, and right now he felt he did not recognize himself. Surely some sleep will help, right?
He slowly made his way down the steps to the platform, carefully watching each step as to not fall, to wait for his train. He posted up against a pillar and stared off onto the dark, empty tracks. What has gotten into me? He did his best to calm his racing, wasted mind searching for some legibility amongst his thoughts.
Once he finally got home, he slumped down on the couch and scarfed down some week-old sushi he found in the fridge. He turned on some old documentary and was asleep before he knew it.
Suddenly, he was woken up by his phone ringing. It usually does not ring this time of night and was less than thrilled to be woken, so he let it keep ringing. It stopped after a couple of seconds, and he glanced down at the screen:
Mama
(2) missed calls
Dad
(1) missed call
Now concerned, he calls his mom back in a hurry. “Hello?”
“Flinn? Your grandfather, he’s dead.”
Part 2
The wet air engulfed Flinn’s face as he stepped out the airport doors into a warm February day. Six years had passed since he smelled the Alabama air. Even after all this time, it still smells just as he had remembered as if not even a day had passed. The drive to Selma was another ninety minutes, and despite having five days to mentally prepare himself for his arrival, it was not nearly enough time. He had not seen or spoken to anyone from his town, not even family, since he left early that August morning all those years ago. He left everything behind to start his new life. The life so many told him to not start, that he needed to stay. He left anyway and never looked back.
That was, until now. He had little choice in this regard. He knew he would have to make his return someday, but he knew not when nor for what. But today was that day. Flinn and his grandfather (Pops) had always been close. If anyone had been supportive of him, it’d have been Pops, but he was a man of little words. Even when he could talk, he hardly chose to. He was a great listener, and not just because he could not speak. He showed he was engaged and listening no matter what Flinn had to say. At times, he felt Pops was the only one who understood him as if he had been just like him before, but no one would ever talk about his past. All Flinn knew is Pops lost his tongue after a failed lynching.
The familiarity of the scenery zipping past was bittersweet. He had not realized how much he missed the rolling hills and thick forests beneath the unforgiving southern sky. He kept his head pressed against the cool glass of the car window even through the constant bumps in the road. He couldn’t look away. So many memories happened here, and the closer he got, the more plentiful the memories became, and the more potent they were, and the more painful they’d become.
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As the dust settled behind him, he stood on the driveway staring at his childhood home still unsure how to process his emotions. It was all so overwhelming. He was thinking everything at once. He took a deep breath, rolled back his shoulders, and swallowed. He reached for the door handle, hesitating slightly, and took a step in. One foot, and then the next.
“Martin!” Flinn smiled as his old friend and childhood dog rushed towards him without hesitation. He knelt down and embraced him as Martin excitedly rustled through his arms seemingly showing more energy than he had in years.
He walked down the hall and around the corner into the living room. There, both drawn to the large television like moths to a flame, he saw his parents sitting beside one another on the couch watching some daytime program with their backs to him. They seemed to pay no notice to the commotion at the front door nor the loud creaking footsteps he took along the old wooden floors. They knew he was there; they just chose to ignore him. He walked into view to greet them. "Mama, dad." His father smiled slightly but caught himself and refrained.
Mama kept a straight face, but seemed to be fighting tears."Howard, help Flinn with his bags, dear."
“No, it's alright, I know where to take them,” said Flinn. “How are y’all?”
“Service is tomorrow at eleven down at the ole First Baptist Church. Make sure to wear something nice.”
“Alright, mama. I’ll... I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Whole family is coming tonight. Dinner is served at...”
“At seven, I got it, just as always.”
“It’s good to see you, kid.” said his dad. “Let me know if you need anything”
He did not expect things to go like that, not that he knew what to expect. He had hoped time would have been more forgiving. Perhaps leaving unannounced in the middle of the night was not the best plan, but at the time he felt as if he had no other choice. Everyone knew he was leaving. That was no secret and had not been for years before any plan had actually been set into motion. No one knew the date or time, except for Pops, of course, but he’d never tell. Of course he wanted everyone to know. He wanted everyone to be proud of him, but it was too big of a risk and commendations were too much to expect. Besides, Mama always had her schemes, and had she known, she would have found a way to stop him.
Not much had changed since he’d been here last. The old wood paneling still lined nearly all the walls, crack in some spots, replaced in others, but all coated by decades of cigarette soot. On the walls were a combination of family portraits from over the years and cheap artwork found at the flea market. Old green furniture, too many house plants to count, and a tacky themed kitchen, it was all still the same.
His childhood bedroom, however, was much different. Hardly even recognizable, what was once his bedroom was now a storage room filled with endless shelves and boxes. He set his things on the lonely cot in the corner, sat down, and took it all in.
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Not realizing he had drifted off, Flinn awoke and looked at the clock. 6:55. Convenient. He sat up and brushed his hair down with his hand as he suspected it was sticking up in the usual way. He rubbed his eyes and made his way to the dining room. The whole family was there, probably about twenty people or so, all scattered about throughout the kitchen, dining room, and living room engaged in various conversations. His nana, aunt, and Mama were cooking away putting the final touches on the large meal.
“Well if it isn’t this fucker…” said a familiar voice to his left, laughing. Flinn looked over to see his cousin who’s just a year younger than him.
“DeAndre, how are you?”
“Never thought I’d see you again, even since you left. Thought maybe you ‘ood be dead.”
“Nah,” Flinn laughed. “Still very much alive.”
“I can see dat. Wearin’ your fancy suit and all.”
“Yeah I’ve been doing pretty well. Work has been… good. I have a great job at a finance firm in Chicago. Everything has been… Good. Yeah, good. How about you?”
“Now you ain’t goin’ city on us, are you?”
Flinn laughed. “I think I might already be.”
Just as dinner was finishing up, a line started to form and people found a seat wherever they could, be it at the table, on the couch, near the counter, or outside.
“Flinn!” his dad called out. “I saved ya a seat here at the table, kid.”
Flinn took his seat right next to his dad which positioned him right across from Mama. The table could sit eight, and the seats filled in pretty quickly so he was lucky to get one. Besides his sister, all of the oldest family members took the other four chairs.
The dinner itself was mostly uneventful, except for the food of course which was extraordinary. Flinn had not eaten Mama’s cooking, or anything like it in six years. The southern food in Chicago was alright, but nothing like what you can get down here, and no restaurant is going to have the same quality and taste as a home-cooked meal. By God, he had not realized how much he needed this. It was almost healing, like a part of his soul had been lost and he found it once again. The last week had been incredibly overwhelming, and last Saturday he never foresaw being here now, but he was glad he was, regardless of the looming tension. All the stress from work and life back home in Chicago was now all gone. All he had to worry about was… oh yeah, the family drama. The dreaded interactions, what he had suppressed for so long, that had kept him up at night for years. All those long nights doing homework or anything else beside sleeping. They had not been by choice but rather necessity. He would have slept more if he could, and some of those nights he really needed to, but instead was kept motivated by the pain. The pain of knowing no matter what he did, no matter how successful in life he became, he would never be good enough for his family, good enough for Mama, because he left them.
If there ever was a time to clear his conscience and get everything out of the way, it would be today, or at least over the next couple of days. When else would he have the chance? Not that any of this had been planned, and his therapist would probably advise against it. She did not even know he was here. What would she have to say? Avoiding conflict has always been his choice. He has always been quiet, never been at the center of drama, but some things need to be said. Just, maybe not by him. If he waited long enough, perhaps they would come up on their own. So he decided to wait, but he knew time was limited and he could not wait forever.
“Mama, could you pass the butter?”
Mama just stared back at him. “Get ya own damn buttah, since ya can do everything else on ya own.”
Flinn stands up and reaches for the butter. “I can do everything myself, and I have. I hope you’re proud, Mama.”
“Proud? What do I have to be proud of?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe my job, my degree, everything I have been able to do to build a good life for myself.”
“I don hear anything worthy of praise.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Mama.”
“Oh, so now you’re sorry? You could’ve fooled me. Is that how you felt when you left? Unbelievable.”
“I left because I had no other choice.”
“Oh don go lyin’ to me now. You did have a choice. You had a choice and you chose to leave us. You didn’t say goodbye, and you were just gone in the mornin’.”
“If I had not just left, you would’ve stopped me.”
“Cause you ain’t got no reason to go nowhere.”
“I had plenty of reasons to want to leave, and not because of you. I’ve always had dreams, Mama, ya know that. I’ve always been bigger than just this town.”
“Oh, so now you’re too good for us, city boy? Huh? I don wanna hear no more of it.”
“It wasn’t about that, Mama. Look at all I’ve been able to do.”
“I ain’t see nothin’. You never call and you never visit. How am I supposed to know what you been doin’?”
“I thought you didn’t want me coming around any more?”
“Well, you’ve got that right. Glad to see you still have some brains left.”
“Well excuse me. Maybe it's best if I leave again. Sorry I ain’t make you proud, Mama.” Flinn got up and left the table.
Part 3
Just as the early light began to peak through the blinds, Flinn was woken up by a firm knock at his door. “Flinn, may I come in? It's Uncle Terrence.”
Flinn sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Yep, come in.”
“How are you this morning, kid? Ya know, she’ll never admit it, but ya Mama missed ya.”
“I find it hard to believe.” Deep down Flinn knew it was true, but she was hard as a rock, and arrogant. She would always find a way to be right, even when she knew she was wrong, and she would never let you know she knew she was wrong.
“Well, we’re all proud of you, kid.” Flinn hated when Terrence and everyone called him kid. “Just wish yoo’d come around and see us every once in a while. I know ya busy with all the big city stuff and all.”
“I thought no one wanted anything to do with me any more?”
“At first, maybe, but I miss ya, kid. Ya know who missed ya most of all?”
“Pops?”
“Yes, of course. He always wanted to know about ya, every time I’d come round. He couldn’t call, but always wanted me to.”
“I should have called.”
“I think everyone wanted to call, but as time went on, it became harder and harder to push that button. It was already so hard at first, and only got harder.”
“I thought about everyone a lot, especially at first. Leaving was really hard, and I almost didn’t, but I always wanted more. I didn’t want to spend my whole life in this town, and if I had not left when I did I probably never would have. But it was still hard. I wanted to go home so many times, but I convinced myself no one wanted me here no more or that y’all would’ve said ‘I told ya so’ or sum bullshit. No one wanted me around any more and I had left, so I was stuck on the path I chose. And I’m happy, and I’ve done so much, but it’s never been easy.”
“Pops was a lot like you when he was your age. Set on leaving as quickly as he could. Things were different back then, not that they are any better now, but Hank... my brother… Pops, was just like you.”
“What changed?”
“Well, he never did. Just no one talks about it anymore. After what happened on that day, they blamed his behavior. Said he should’ve played it safe and he’d still have his tongue.”
“No one has ever told me the story.”
“And they won’t. It changed the whole family.”
“But you’ll tell me?”
“Only if you promise not to tell. I don need an earful from ya Mama.”
“I promise.”
“Hank couldn’t be confined to Selma, just like you. He joined the army right out of high school, and after he was done in Lebanon, he didn’t go straight home.”
“Where did he go?”
“Everywhere but here. He used the small amount of money he got from the army and went anywhere that would let him in. Across Europe, parts of Asia, Northern Africa, even parts of South America. Of course, a young black man traveling by himself at the time was challenging, but Hank could hold his own pretty well. He still ran into all sorts of trouble. He spent more nights in jail than he would have liked, but he would have done it all again if he could.”
“What happened when he got back?”
“He was much different, but for the better. He couldn’t wait to get back out there again. He had confidence like I had never seen before. That’s what got him in trouble not too long after.”
“How’d he lose his tongue? I’m guessing that is what changed everything.”
“When he got back, he got involved with a girl, I think her name was Susan. She was the mayor’s daughter. They snuck around for a while. Their relationship was not acceptable, especially to her father. If he found out, Hank would be in a lot of trouble, and of course eventually he did find out. He spent about a month in jail in just awful conditions even for the time. They didn’t have anything to hold him on so eventually they had to let him go. About a week after he got out, he was walking downtown and some guys grabbed him. He took him out to a field and tried to lynch him. Luckily, they failed and he survived, but they took his tongue as a warning. He was never the same after that. All of his confidence was gone, and of course he couldn’t speak no more.”
Flinn did not know how to respond. It all made sense now: why the family so desperately wanted him to stay, why they were so hurt by him leaving, and why they’d feared who he was becoming. They were all traumatized and wanted to protect him. They did not want him to suffer the same fate as Pops.
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The funeral itself was fairly uneventful and went nearly as perfectly as expected. The church filled in with hardly any empty seats, tears were shed, and speeches were given. Pops touched the lives of almost everyone he met, and they came to show it. After the service was the reception, and yet again, the food was spectacular. Everyone got along just fine today and there was no more residual drama, at least for now. Today was Pops’ day.
After the reception, the family gathered back at Mama’s house for the reading of the will. Pops did not have many possessions, at least not of monetary value, but what he did have was meaningful in other ways. He was very clear on who he wanted to give off, and handpicked what would be most substantial to each person.
Everyone gathered around much as they did at dinner, and the lawyer began his reading:
I, Hank Gerald, a resident in the City of Selma, County of Dallas, State of Alabama, being of sound mind, not acting under duress or undue influence, and fully understanding the nature and extent of all my property and of this disposition thereof, hereby make, publish, and declare this document to be my Last Will and Testament, and hereby absolutely revoke any and all other wills and amendments previously made by me.
The reading went on for some time as there were many beneficiaries. Flinn began to daydream about what could be left for him. Flinn was not a very sentimental person, so trinkets and heirlooms paid him little interest. Perhaps his car, or maybe money. Something that will be useful to him.
To my dear brother, Terrence, I leave my 1964 Pontiac GTO and all tools and parts associated and necessary with/for the running and upkeep of the vehicle.
The further down the list he went, less was given, but this is to be expected. As the end of the list neared, Flinn began to wonder what would be left for him if anything at all. The will had been in order of age, to this point, so he should be up soon.
To my Granddaughter, Nia,...
Nia? She's younger than me… Flinn thought.
I leave her my grandmother’s locket containing a picture of my Grandfather before he left for the Great War. She looked at it everyday to keep the memory of him alive until he eventually returned to her alive.
How could he skip me? Perhaps I should have called, or never left. Flinn got lost in his own thoughts and barely paid attention to the rest of the will. He and Pops were so close, and he never imagined he would be taken out of the will. But that is my own fault, afterall. I left, and I never even care to call. He died, and I never even said goodbye.
Just as Flinn began to accept the consequences of his actions, they got to the last beneficiary listed in the will:
Finally, to my oldest Grandson, Flinn, who is more and more like me than I ever could have wished to have been, I leave my journal. I hope whenever you need the motivation, you read it to find the meaning you are looking for in life.
Part 4
Flinn sat at his desk unable to focus. It was fairly slow for a Friday, but he still had work to do. After a chaotic weekend back home in Alabama, he was ready to settle back into his monotonous routine. The experience had been healing in some regards, but still left a lot unanswered. What did he mean by finding the meaning in life? Flinn wondered as he flipped through the endless pages of Pops’ journal, all filled with endless recounts, drawings, symbols, and pictures from his travels, just as he had since Monday. The journal consumed his whole attention, and nothing else seemed important enough to focus on. He had even ditched his friends all week which he never does.
He is supposed to meet Raheem for drinks tonight, but now he is wondering if he even wants to go. There is just too much in his head right now. He just wants to be alone. 12:37. The clock is moving too slowly. Flinn clears his calendar for the rest of the day and decides to go home.
At home, he still finds himself flipping through the pages of the journal, not even reading them but just looking at them. Again and again, he flips through until he has enough. He drops the journal on his lap and stares off into the distance at the gorgeous view of Lake Michigan. The endless city and skyline take up most of the horizon until it just stops, cut off by the endless ocean-like lake. He stares at it for quite a while until something catches his eye. He has seen this before. Well, of course he has. He lives here and this is his view everyday. But he knows he has seen it somewhere else.
He picks the journal back up and flips through in a hurry. There it is. He holds the journal up to the window to show a matching two-page drawing of this exact view. Well, not exact. It is a slightly different angle, but it was close enough. Pops was here. He would have loved visiting. I should have invited him. This made Flinn sad, and he threw the journal down on the table in frustration.
Just then, that is when he noticed it. There was a page sticking out from the journal, but it was not like the rest. The page was white and pristine, aside from a few wrinkles, as if it was new, whereas the rest of the journal showed its age. He rushed over to grab it. He opened it to find a letter, addressed to him:
Grandson, When you left, I knew that you would accomplish everything you set out to do. I also knew, however, you would find yourself lost someday, returning home for answers. I was hoping I’d be able to give you those answers myself, but as time goes on that seems less likely. I too found myself lost, and I knew not why. I had gone and seen the world, and it changed me, but I was still not fulfilled. I came home still looking for the answers, and it took a while, but eventually I did find them.
Through this journal, I hope to share my findings so that you too, when you are lost, find the answers you seek. Whenever you are ready, follow my journey and the clues I have left for you. Go out and see the world, just as I did. You will find that what you want from life is less than what you expect.
I hope the experiences you have are less harsh than my own, but still be careful. The world has changed a lot, but still not enough. But don’t skip ahead for the meaning may be lost. Take only one step at a time, and when it comes time to take the next step, it will reveal itself.
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Seven o’clock rolls around and Flinn walks into the bar to meet Raheem. He hasn’t seen Raheem, or anyone else from the group, since last Tuesday when he had his outburst. He begins by telling the story of the events of this last weekend, but leaves out the parts about Pops’ past.
"Pops left me a hidden letter.”
“What do you mean?” asked Raheem.
“Like in his journal, I found a hidden letter. It was addressed to me.”
“What did it say, bro?”
“He says he was a lot like me when he was my age. He wants me to go where he went and learn what he did.”
“In Alabama?”
“No, everywhere but there. He wants me to start in Western Europe and follow his clues around the world.”
“He traveled?”
“A lot, apparently. I never knew. He was in the army, and after he got out, he traveled… everywhere, basically.”
“Why did no one tell you?”
“They wanted to keep me safe, I guess.
"They wanted to keep the whole family safe after what happened to him.”
“What do you mean, bro. What happened?”
“I can’t talk about it, but it doesn’t matter now anyways. I’m living a different life now.” Flinn never shared much about his past or his family with anyone, not even Raheem. It has always been a mystery. This was the most he had ever shared with him.
“Well, are you going to go?”
“No, I can’t. I have work. It took too much to get here. I can’t just give it away.”
“It’ll still be here when you get back, bro.”
“If only it was that simple.”
“It can be. You have money saved up. Chicago isn’t going anywhere. We’re not going anywhere. Plus, you’ve always talked about traveling more. Why don’t you take some time to do it.”
“I suppose, but I like my life here.”
“If you don’t do it now, when will you? You’ve taken a leap before, why not take another one. You’re smart, you’ll land on your feet, bro. Besides, your grandfather thought it was important enough to not only give you his journal, but hide you a letter for you to find when you needed it most. Maybe now is when you needed it most. You’re way too stressed at work anyways, and I can tell you’ve been off for a while now. Perhaps some change could give you what you need.”
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On Monday morning, when Flinn gets to work, he walked straight to his boss's office. He turned in his letter of resignation.
Two weeks later, he took the red line to the blue line to O’Hare. Journal in hand, he boarded a flight to Dublin.