Happy Friday, Barkada --

The PSE gained 70 points to 6628 ▲1.1%

Shout-out to Shehana Jean for the positive feedback on the AREIT div card, to Miguel Camus for fighting the good fight with his new startup (InsiderPH), to financial freedom for even more great design advice for the div cards, to daddyew for getting out (of APL) at the right time, to Dividend Pinoy for (like me) growing impatient for a warehouse REIT, to echAir for the positive feedback on my weird "building of buyers" analogy that I used to try and explain how inflows/outflows work with index rebals, to Satorun in for the tl;dr (too long; didn't read) of the DDMPR saga, to Jing for the sad boat meme appreciation, to Rod Leaf for mentioning APL's stinky FOO as the last time he saw the MB Siphon 1 ("siphoning off people's money"), to Jr Martin for warmly congratulating Ely and Gladys on their 1-year anniversary, to VodkaMartini_007 for spilling the beans on the location of the MB Siphon 1 ("the Port of Irene in Cagayan"), and to arkitrader for the pathetic boat vibes haha.
US April inflation came out and surprised to the downside, meaning that (at least in the US) domestic demand has cooled and consumer inflation has resumed its downward trend. US markets immediately pumped, with the Dow Jones average crossing the 40,000 mark for the first time. Will the PSE get any of that shine?

▌In today's MB:

• BSP holds rates steady
• DDMPR declares falling Q1 div
• Jollibee Q1 profit: P2.6-B (up 27%)
• PSE puts ANI, INFRA, C, and PNX on suspension notice

▌Daily meme Subscribe (it's free) Today's email

▌Main stories covered:

• [NEWS] BSP keeps interest rates steady... The Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas (BSP) [link] said yesterday that its Monetary Board decided to keep rates steady. In doing so, the BSP said that inflationary risks “continue to lean toward the upside”, but that its latest forecasts showed that “inflation would settle close tot he upper-end of the target range.” As for inflation expectations, the BSP said that those “remain well-anchored”. The Monetary Board said that it “deems it appropriate to ensure tight monetary policy settings until inflation settles firmly within the target range”, and indicated that such a stance would also “help keep inflation expectations anchored”.
  
  • MB: At least the BSP stopped talking about wage increases as a potential inflationary risk. That said, does anyone else detect an air of contradiction in what the BSP is saying? Perhaps contradiction is too strong of a term, but I get the growing sense that the BSP’s reasons for keeping rates high are somewhat diverging from its own analysis. The BSP says that it’s primary objective is price stability, so we can infer that it’s keeping rates high as a means of trying to suppress price increases, and yet the BSP has again and again told us that the driver for price increases is a problem on the supply side of the equation, not the demand side. Interest rate adjustments don’t impact supply-side problems, because interest rate increases are meant to suppress demand. We don’t have a demand problem. Adding to this is the BSP’s concern about maintaining a tight policy to keep inflation expectations anchored, despite noting just a paragraph earlier that inflation expectations were already “well-anchored”. This implies that there is psychological space for the BSP to lower rates within the framework of current expectations. This is picky stuff, I know, there are simply too many people and companies struggling under high rates to ignore the rapidly decreasing marginal utility of yet another cycle of the BSP’s conservative observation of the situation. Just my personal opinion.
• [DIVS] DDMPR declares falling Q1 div at 116% payout ratio... DDMP [DDMPR 1.17 ▲0.9%; 37% avgVol] [link] declared a Q1/24 dividend of ₱0.023476, payable on July 15 to shareholders of record as of June 19. The dividend has an annualized yield of 8.03% based on the previous closing price. The total amount of the dividend is ₱419 million, which is 116% of the ₱362 million in distributable income that DDMPR reported for the quarter. Relative to DDMPR’s IPO price, the dividend increased DDMPR’s total stock and dividend return to -32.29%, up from its pre-dividend total return of -32.33%. DDMP REIT Fund Managers reported that DDMPR’s occupancy as of March 31 was just 76%, with occupancy at its main building (DoubleDragon Plaza) listed at just 70.8%.
  
  • MB: The dividend amount is up 1.4% from DDMPR’s disastrous Q4/23 dividend, but it’s down 7.5% y/y and down 15.8% from Q1/22. DDMPR is the second-oldest REIT on the PSE. It issued its first dividend to shareholders in Q4/20. Its sponsor,DoubleDragon* [DD 10.48 ▲10.0%; 581% avgVol], is bursting at the seams with potential assets that could be downloaded to DDMPR to diversify the REIT’s portfolio and breathe some much-needed life into this stagnating afterthought. DDMPR’s assets are fine, but their strategy in how to monetize those assets is outdated. Gone are the days when high commercial rents from POGOs could excuse the growing issue of collections from those POGOs. Now we have DDMPR suffering from high (and going higher) rates of delinquency. Gone are the days when investors were lapping up the chance to get in on the commercial office space game. Now we have the threat of a POGO ban and the existential threat of AI putting all of the “easy” BPO leasing opportunities at risk. Gone are the days when DDMPR’s inactivity could be explained away by its newness. Now we’re left picking through the rubble of yet another disappointing Quarterly Report, yet another y/y dividend reduction, and bagholders have heard no plan from management on what they’ll do to right the ship.*
• [EARNINGS] Jollibee Q1 profit: ₱2.6-B (up 27%)... Jollibee [JFC 224.00 ▲0.9%; 300% avgVol] [link] posted a Q1 net income attributable of ₱2.6 billion, up 27% from its Q1/23 net income attributable of ₱2.1 billion. JFC said it was able to grow profit margins and exceed its Q1 performance outlook thanks to “healthy top line growth combined with further operational efficiencies and effective management of expenses”. JFC’s system-wide sales were up 10.4% to ₱86.8 billion due to new store additions and same-store sales growth was up 5.5%, which JFC said was due to increased volume. Across all of JFC’s segmented business units, “Europe, Middle East, Asia” had the largest same-store sales growth (+14.7%) and system-wide sales growth (+25.5%). The “People’s Republic of China” and “Highlands Coffee” were negative in terms of same-store sales growth (-3.7% and -9.0%, respectively), and only the People’s Republic of China business unit was negative in terms of system-wide sales growth (-3.7%). JFC said that its difficulties in China are partly due to a high bar effect from last year’s success, and a slowdown in the quick service restaurant industry in that country more generally. JFC said that while Highlands Coffee saw its same-store sales growth fall 9.0%, it did “better than industry” and managed to gain 4% market share during that period.
  
  • MB: The bee perseveres. It has made massive bets in “coffee” and “China” that could pay off handsomely in the future, and all of this activity has likely bought the management team some more time with its shareholder base to deliver on the delicious fruits of these bets. JFC’s stock price is up almost 150% from its COVID low, but it’s somewhat rangebound between about ₱200/share and ₱270/share. The stock hit ₱273/share in late February, only to rapidly retreat back to the ₱215/share level over the next six weeks in a pattern that the share price has repeated two or three times already this year. Generally speaking, the highs are higher and the lows are higher, but maybe with all the segments firing this busy season the stock will finally be able to push out of that range.
• [NEWS] Several notable firms placed on suspension notice for failure to report... The PSE [link] notified four high-profile companies that their shares would be suspended at 9 AM today if 2023 Annual Reports were not posted. The companies that were put on notice are Tony Tiu’s AgriNurture [ANI 0.57 ▼1.7%; 102% avgVol], Philippine Infradev [INFRA 0.53 ▲1.9%; 262% avgVol] and two from pseudo-tycoon Dennis Uy, Chelsea Logistics [C 1.30 ▲4.0%; 526% avgVol] and Phoenix Petroleum [PNX 4.17 ▼0.2%; 78% avgVol]. Should any of these companies fail to submit their Annual Reports before 9 AM, they will remain suspended for up to three months until such report is submitted. If nothing has changed after three months, the PSE must begin involuntary delisting proceedings.
  
  • MB: These companies are not a random sample, and they’re not representative of the PSE as a whole. Will ANI, INFRA, C, and PNX push their luck right up to the deadline, or will any of these companies slip into a suspended state for failure to complete one of the most basic components of public corporate life? As usual, retail bagholders will just have to wait and see what the owners decide to do.

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Evening all, I have received a NIP for allegedly travelling 57 in a 50mph VSP between junction 9 and 10 westbound of the M27.
Legislation available here:
https://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2021/17/made
It’s tough to know specifically what occurred on the day in question as I travel it frequently as part of my commute.
What is frustrating on my part is that I am actively moving over to lane one from either two, three or four to take the extended slip road that begins (small dashed lines) after the gantry that displays the (first) VSL.
That gantry is also the one with the camera.
Also, it displays an additional message along the lines of ‘queues after junction’ which is a bit confusion as the speed limit change also applies to lane one which isn’t actually a slip road until after the gantry.
My speed was reducing but as you can see, if in fact the gantry was showing 50 that day, I hadn’t slowed enough.
Looking at legislation I can’t seem to find a maximum speed reduction, it seems that it can drop from 70 to, 50,40,30, etc
What steps can I take ahead of accepting the speed awareness course? The NIP contains no images, just a stated speed.
Thanks in advance

Written by u/GoldWhale & u/JD397
Thanks everyone for your patience with us getting this written up. Much appreciation to my co-author u/JD397 for his work, scouting analysis, and comprehensive background knowledge on where Demidov sat compared to historical players, and the international analysis. Please note, this analysis won’t focus on why Demidov>Levshunov. In terms of BPA, Demidov is nearly unanimously over Levshunov based on consolidated rankings. With the Blackhawks publicly saying they want to go BPA, we hope to establish a case as to why Demidov truly stands above the rest, by a good margin. We hope that this was worth the wait, and we haven’t disappointed anyone who may have wanted more. We’re amateurs, give us a small break 😉
When Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly flipped the decisive card to reveal the number one overall pick, Blackhawks fans were disappointed. They were going to miss out on Macklin Celebrini, the consensus number one center and number one overall player in the draft. After winning Connor Bedard the prior year, many fans were hoping for a one two punch down the middle, their own version of McDavid and Draisaitl, Crosby and Malkin; this was not to be.
Despite the initial dismay, fans were still happy. The Blackhawks won the second lottery, and with that, the rights to select a franchise player at number two overall. Immediately, though, there was debate. Swirling on social media there were rumors that the Blackhawks were predominantly looking at two high end prospects: Ivan Demidov (RW/C) and Artyom Levshunov (D). On one hand Demidov is an elite prospect at wing with excellent hands, creativity, and legitimate top line wing with PPG+ upside. On the other, Levshunov is a dynamic offensive defenseman with a stellar shot, solid size, dynamic skating, and most importantly right-handedness.
The Blackhawks, realistically, need both positions. Last year the Blackhawks iced one of the worst offenses in the entire league, scoring the second least goals behind only San Jose. They also had the fourth worst defense, surrendering 290 goals on the season. Neither are acceptable in the push for a playoff spot in the coming years, but ultimately with number two, you can only choose one of the two players. After our hours of analysis, u/JD397 and I believe there is no debate – as good as Levshunov is, Demidov is closer in skill and projection to Celebrini than anyone else in the draft is to him.
So who is Ivan Demidov? He’s an 18 year old forward playing for SKA 1946, a MHL affiliate of SKA of the KHL. Since the 2023 draft the big story out of the KHL was the dominance of Matvei Michkov. This was a kid who destroyed the MHL by putting up 38 points in 22 games and going PPG+ in the playoffs his D-1 Year. Michkov then outperformed Connor Bedard by putting up 16 points in 7 games at the IIHF U18s in 2021. Michkov was, and still is, borderline generational but there was someone else waiting in his shadow. In his D-1 Year, Ivan Demidov put up 62 points in 41 games, and scored 1.3PPG in the MHL playoffs. While putting up a lower PPG pace than Michkov, Demidov’s game was substantially more well rounded and scouts started to take notice of another potential franchise winger in Ivan Demidov.
Demidov exploded in his D-0 Year, putting up a literal 2.0 PPG pace in the MHL the highest pace ever for a player 18 or under, and the third highest PPG in league history. In the playoffs, despite an injury, Demidov posted a ridiculous 28 points in 17 games. This production was unheard of beforehand and bested Kucherov’s 1.87 point pace at 18. Not only did Demidov have better production AND two way play, but he also did it nearly 7 months younger. Demidov remains a bright spot who is able to elevate his play to the competition. Before talking about playstyle, strengths, comps, projections, etc. it needs to be noted just how dominant Demidov was on the scoresheet.
Now that fans know who Ivan Demidov is, let’s address the elephant in the room. Demidov is Russian and with the political climate worldwide, being a Russian is associated with an inherent risk of a prospect not coming over. Rest assured – there is no such concern in this case. Last year, rumors swirled around Michkov not coming over due to three factors:

1. Michkov did not meet with more than two teams and actively told specific teams he would not play for them.
   
2. Michkov was incredibly difficult to get ahold of predraft and it made scouts and front offices skeptical on his character and desire to come to the NHL.
   
3. Michkov had 3 more years left on his contract with SKA.
   

Demidov, on the other hand, is actively engaging with teams. He’s hosting a workout in Florida before the draft for multiple teams to attend, and is actively having his agent coordinate interviews and meetings with interested front offices. Demidov has publicly declared his intention to come over to the NHL as soon as possible, even venturing so far as to say he’s looking at options for getting out of his KHL contract to get to the NHL for the 24-25 season. Finally, Demidov only has 1 year left on his contract so there isn’t long term concern about losing the ability to develop him internally. An interesting note that we found during analysis was that Demidov’s agent, Dan Milstein, is “hated” in the KHL because of how consistently he pushes for his clients to leave Russia and transition them to the NHL. Even if Demidov is stuck in Russia all of next year, there’s almost zero risk he doesn’t come over.
On Demidov, the other large question that looms is his lack of play in the KHL, and SKA’s decision to play him in the MHL. Despite being the one of the best players in MHL history, Demidov only saw action in 4 KHL games and scored a total of 0 points which has also turned off many scoresheet watchers. Let us reassure you – Demidov was predominantly the 13th forward and played an average of 3-5 minutes per game with unfamiliar linemates. He did not have a chance to play enough to succeed, and built no chemistry with the teammates he was playing with in his limited time. SKA is notorious for handling their prospects poorly. Young players are consistently given limited ice time, especially when they’re expected to leave Russia. Michkov, despite his skill, couldn’t crack the SKA roster in his D-0 or D+1 simply because of this bias. All said, this is not a concern scouts have when it comes to the potential drafting of Demidov.
With the Russia question answered, we believe there is no doubt that Ivan Demidov is the pick to make in the 2024 draft. Ivan Demidov is really really good. He is the complete package for what you look for in a franchise winger. Demidov has excellent hands, dynamic edgework, elite hockey IQ, high end compete and energy, a relentless forecheck, creativity in the offense he provides, solid two way play, and finally rapid speed in terms of release and puck control. There is no one like him in this draft who offers such an elite skillset with no obvious flaws in his game outside of his build. He can also play center when needed which gives him additional offensive flexibility and adds even more dynamism to his game.
While analytics don’t tell the full story, they can often be a useful baseline to build from. The first item we want to call attention to is Byron Bader’s model, which projects Demidov as the best #2OA prospect since Eichel.. Let's again be clear, we don’t put much merit into this due to the low gradings of Carlsson and Laine, but it’s important to contextualize how Bader’s model works. It compares prospects to the league they’re in and projects them out. Demidov dominated the MHL to such a degree that the model favorably views him due to being almost untouched in play, and setting multiple records. Continuing with Hockey Prospecting and Bader, who is an active NHL draft consultant, they project Demidov to be an absolute STUD based on production. No forward who they’ve ever given 99%s to has ever been less than PPG+. Demidov has a very comparable offensive game to Celebrini, and is all but guaranteed to be a star due to his production and skillset. Alanen also projects Demidov to be elite in all 3 zones, and gives him a total RARE grade of 100, due to his next level offense and transition, and above average defensive work despite his assignments. Again, analytics aren’t an end all be all by any means. They’re just an exceptional base to build from when scouts, data scientists and NHL draft consultants unanimously believe a player to be elite. From our research, no prospects with comparable profiles have busted or not succeeded in the NHL.
Whilst reading multiple articles, watching videos on Demidov, and going through tape, we compiled the following scouting report.
Physical Attributes:
Demidov is not very physically imposing, or even one of the most physical players in the draft. He’s expected to show up to the combine around 6ft tall and weighing 170lbs. Admittedly one knock that some scouts have for him is his build and need to bulk up. Thankfully, this is easy to build at the professional level. Nonetheless, Demidov has sturdy base that enables him to dominate around the boards and in front of the net due to his rapid twitch movements and lower body power. Demidov is able to outskate and outwork larger and stronger players by being smart with his legs and driving to the inside consistently when in transition. His remarkable agility and lower-body strength allow him to outmaneuver opponents and maintain possession in tight spaces, or separate for quick attacks or desperation back checking.
Skating:
Demidov's skating is characterized by irregularities; while he exhibits great power on his edges, his transitions suffer due to a wide stance, leading to questionable but explosive pivot work. Despite this, his rapid acceleration and agility enable him to navigate through traffic seamlessly, while his powerful stride generates significant momentum, making him a constant threat in transition. Let’s clear up a misconception; Demidov is not a bad skater. He’s got decent speed, a good handle on body control, power on the inside of his edges and with quick crossovers, etc. His posture and stance need work, but this is something that looks completely fixable at the NHL level. It doesn’t require a rebuild of his skating style, rather a retool that can utilize his edgework as a base. Instead of hunching over at the end of a shift and losing speed and energy, Demidov can rely on quicker small movement cuts on for rapid movement and longer, albeit slower strides while holding himself higher to preserve energy while covering distance. While the 10 and 2 skating that Demidov employs isn’t conventional, it allows him to see a good deal of the ice, and when in close provide breaking speed towards the play. Fixing the reliance on 10 and 2 also offers faster top level skating and easier quick pivoting in a 200ft game, rather than a longer turn. Again, his skating is unorthodox – but it isn’t bad. It’s not mechanically sound, but it can be polished to a high level without a large amount of concern. Because of how unpredictable his skating is now, scouts across the board acknowledge that it potentially even grants an advantage as his body is harder to read.
Scoring Ability:
A natural sniper, Demidov possesses a lethal shot with pinpoint accuracy and a lightning-quick release that catches goaltenders off guard. Whether he's unleashing a blistering wrist shot from the slot or wiring a one-timer on the power play, Demidov consistently finds the back of the net with precision and finesse. One really underrated part of Demidov’s scoring ability comes from the aforementioned elite edgework. Due to how rapidly he can change directions while holding full control over the puck, he can create scoring lanes with almost zero room, and his accuracy is again one of the best we’ve evaluated as amateur scouts in the last few drafts. When there isn’t an immediate opening or shot, Demidov is patient, draws coverage where he wants, and again has no qualms about firing the puck to the net. If there’s one question about his ability to score, it’s his slapshot. He hasn’t had to use it in almost any occasion due to how the offense is structured on SKA 1946, and therefore it’s not as developed as his snap or wrister. This is a relatively minor knock, though. Demidov can take slapshots and find twine without much difficulty, it’s just the least refined part of his goalscoring ability.
Playmaking and Elite Hands:
Demidov has the best hands that we have scouted. Better than McDavid, better than Fantilli, better than Hughes, better than Bedard, better than Michkov, and yes, better than Patrick Kane as a prospect. Yep, that good. Hadi Kalakeche, one of Dobber’s lead scouts says, “…he has THE best handling skill I’ve seen… he’s the closest thing we’ve seen to Pavel Datsyuk since Pavel Datsyuk.” The rapidity of his movement, the purposeful puck placement, the astounding protection rate, and his ability to pull defenders off of him without moving his body is unlike anything we’ve ever seen before. Again, he has the most individual puck skill and innate offensive talent in the draft. These skills with his hands allow him to become an absolutely next level playmaker. Demidov is crafty, and has a history of faking shots to make a pass, or vice versa to help his team. He’s able to create lanes and take advantage of his puck control by having absolutely next level zone entry to set up the offense on a consistent basis. While his decision making needs some work when it comes to choosing the best move, he almost always makes the right one, and is able to think through solutions when there’s no apparent move forward. Whether it’s a drop pass, running the puck up the boards, a regroup, finding a teammate with a perfectly slotted pass, Demidov has no real ceiling. The only question remains is whether these skills will work as well at the next level. All said though, there’s no real debate between scouts that he’ll be a franchise winger.
Creativity and IQ:
Demidov is electrifying, brilliant, dynamic, innovative, transcendent, and any other adjective you want to use. There is no prospect in this draft with Demidov’s offensive upside, including Macklin Celebrini. As mentioned above, Demidov has been compared to Datsyuk: he is stellar at opening up lanes with his body or finding passes, even if they’re banked off the boards. While Bedard is a guy who was expected to shoot first, Demidov is a passer. This works in his favor, though. Demidov certainly doesn’t lack a scoring touch. His positioning and body will tell goalies and defenders he’s planning to pass and he’s able to quickly change direction using his edges to put a shot on net. His ability to think several steps ahead of the play allows him to execute highlight-reel passes and capitalize on scoring opportunities that others on his team might miss, or simply not have the skill to execute. He’s unpredictable because his vision is at such a high level. He’s got a game reminiscent of Jack Hughes and Patrick Kane, and the way he views the game has scouts absolutely over the moon about his pro projection. There really is nothing that Demidov doesn’t have the ability to do – this year in the MHL he took advantage of the strength of competition and tested it out. Demidov tried different reads, different styles, working more heavily down the middle, shooting, playdriving, etc. We’re blown away by the flexibility that he shows across every facet of the game. A really fun quote to mention from Lassi Alanen, EP’s director of Euro scouting is, “I still have like 100+ unused clips of Demidov's play from this season. He must be the most clippable prospect I've ever watched. Something eye-catching happening almost every shift during his second half of the season.” Demidov’s highlight reel isn’t really a “reel” – that’s just how he plays the game on most shifts that he takes.
Physicality and Defensive Awareness:
Demidov's physicality extends well beyond his height, as he isn't afraid to throw his weight (all 170lbs) around and engage in board battles to win possession. His defensive awareness is equally impressive, as he uses his size and reach to disrupt passing lanes and apply pressure on opposing forwards both in the defensive zone and in the neutral zone, showcasing a commitment to playing a complete, two-way game. As briefly mentioned, Demidov doesn’t exclusively play wing – he plays center too. While he’s not going to be Patrice Bergeron he is capable of handling both ends of the ice, and has consistently improved his defensive play throughout the year.
Work Ethic and Engagement:
While almost all prospects “work hard” to play their best on the ice, Demidov does that little bit more. Despite being a winger, he’s consistently one of the first players up and down the ice. He rarely coasts and drifts around but is engaged rather consistently all around the ice. One thing that’s often hard to teach prospects is how to be aggressive and assertive without being risky. Demidov never worries about challenging his opponents, fighting hard board battles, or giving his all to get back into a play after he’s low after driving to the net. This is something that the Blackhawks LOVE in their players, and should hopefully encourage GMKD to pull the trigger, if everything else didn’t sell him. As we see Demidov continue to improve in skating with NHL coaches, this should only give him more energy to expend in the 200ft game, and improve his engagement across plays. He’s an absolute workhorse, and consistently pushes to improve which evidenced by the massive improvement across this season in the MHL. There’s no reason to think this same drive can’t come through on the NHL level.
Areas to Improve and Questions:
With all the hype around Demidov, it’s hard to initially understand why he’s considered a lower end prospect than Celebrini. Digging in, though, it becomes more clear. While Demidov has the higher ceiling, he also has a much lower floor. The number one factor that limits Demidov is his exposure to higher end competition. The MHL is a good league, but Demidov was ready for the KHL last year. Since he wasn’t exposed to higher end competition there is still question on how much of his skillset will translate when playing higher level men’s hockey. There isn’t an expectation of a problem, but when a player lacks that experience, it undoubtedly makes them more challenging to project. Remember, Demidov didn’t really play meaningful KHL minutes when he got 4 games this year. He got 13th forward exposure and didn’t play with the same linemates that he worked with in the pre-season. Nonetheless, he wasn’t perfect. He did see some questionable decisions while trying to adapt to higher competition. There’s little concern that this is an actual issue, but Demidov needs to grow and play against men, even for a few games, before coming to the NHL. Thankfully, he should have the entire season in 2024-2025, and I haven’t read a single scouting report that expects him to have an issue putting up Michkov+ numbers.
The second factor is skating. Demidov is a good skater, but he’s unorthodox at best. While this skating relies heavily on his edgework which gives him amazing playmaking ability, his pivoting, high end speed, position and stride could all use refinement and improvement. While these are all skating mechanics that are easier to fix, skating is NOT a guarantee. If he’s unable to improve his skating with NHL skating coaches, it could limit his upside. He is still expected to be a top line winger, but it could be the difference between 70+ and 100+ points if skating doesn’t develop. Remember, some scouts view his skating as a “hidden” upside in his game, but improving skating not only gives him more offensive flexibility, but also defensively. There’s room for improvement, and it could be an easier lever to correct to see high rewards from.
The third factor is decision making. Demidov is creative to a fault, but just like in art, not every project works out. With such an advanced toolkit, Demidov needs to work with video coaches to better understand which moveset is appropriate in which scenario and when to deploy it. There’s a difference between decision making and IQ. Decision making is hard to fix when a prospect is set in their ways based on playstyle, but if playstyle is more flexible, then there’s much less of a concern. IQ, on the other hand is uncoachable, and Demidov has arguably the best offensive IQ in the draft. There’s no reason to believe that he can’t fix this, but due to being stuck abroad, and potentially even the MHL again next year, it could take him a bit longer to get up to NHL speed.
The final factor is defense. While it seems that every single forward prospect has a knock on their defense, we can qualify Demidov’s specifics a bit more easily. Demidov is a competent defender, and a very good well rounded player, but again decision making plays a factor in the challenge of projecting him here. While players like Celebrini are dominant both ways, Demidov often doesn’t make the right choice when defending – he has a lot of offensive instincts which have him sit higher on the blue, and while he is always engaged on the puck, he needs to be more responsible in coverage rotations. Off the rush, Demidov doesn’t always read the play correctly, and the inconsistency can create shooting lanes for his opponent. Just like Michkov, he can also cheat on plays where he finds himself a bit further away from a play and loses sight of his defensive assignment. He’s extremely energetic and consistently pushes to get back, but working with him on understanding when to cheat will be important for his development as well. We again want to reemphasize that Demidov plays solid defense and a good two way game, especially for a wingecenter. But there’s room for improvement in terms of bridging the gap between him and other recent prospects like Celebrini, Carlsson, and Johnston.
Pro Projection:
While he doesn’t have the skating that Jack Hughes had, he’s still a great projection and comparable. A smaller but nimble player who isn’t afraid to get involved on the rush, around the boards, or in transition. Demidov’s offensive upside is similar as well – like Hughes, the defense isn’t the best, but he’s able to run an entire offense both on the wing and playing center. He’s creative to a fault, has a great set of hands, and the toolkit to be a consistent top 5 player at his position in the NHL. Pro projections are always hard because you can never guarantee how a player will turn out, whether they’re undrafted or a #1OA, but Demidov is truly all but a sure thing. His creativity rivals players like Nikita Kucherov and Mitch Marner in their ability to think ahead of where the play is, his handling rivals Kane and Datysuk, his defensive play is above average for a winger, he has a great shot comparable to players like Matt Tkachuk, and is a bitch to get off the puck. Even when Demidov is literally on the ground, he’s consistently able to hold possession and find a play with no room left. With a toolkit like his, decent size at an estimated 6ft, there should be no reservations that Demidov should succeed at the next level. Most scouts see his floor around 65-70 points, and his ceiling closer to 120. I stand by the Jack Hughes comp I made earlier. While they differ in skating, they play very similar games, and should expect similar success at the next level.
Quotes:

“He’s got the best hands in the draft… and has made more one-on-one skill plays so far this season than almost any prospect I’ve scouted for any draft. He’s also a pretty engaged off-puck player who keeps his feet moving, hunts pucks on the forecheck, and can turn a steal into a game-breaking play in an instant.”
Scott Wheeler, The Athletic
“Demidov is already a game-breaking forward who can move the puck effortlessly and there’s no question he’d be a fantastic partner to some of the best prospects in the NHL today. His production in the MHL is comparable to Patrick Kane’s 2006-07 season with the Ontario Hockey League’s London Knights… Demidov is a bonafide first-line winger who will score tons of goals.”
Dayton Reimer, The Hockey Writers
“In a vacuum he’s the most talented forward this draft class has to offer outside of Celebrini. Demidov possesses many of the same traits Celebrini does, only his track record is against younger, more unproven talent."
Sam Cosentino, Sportsnet
“The talent of Demidov is impossible to deny. His raw skills might be the best in terms of offense in the entire draft. His puckhandling, shot, passing, and even skating makes him a unique hockey player and prospect. There are many great offensive players, but not many quite like Demidov. Especially who will also have a great drive and motor to play a strong 200 foot game… he could easily be a point per game player in the NHL on most teams first line.”
Frederik Frandsen, Last Word on Sports
“At the end of the day, what you get in a player like Ivan Demidov is a generational offensive dynamo with the mind of a master chess player. Each time he gains possession of the biscuit, his ability to think many steps ahead of the opponent, find creative solutions involving his puck handling abilities, as well as creating tremendous execution at creating space with his skating or precisely hitting the net is considered to be up to par at the NHL level.”
Tyler Ballesteros-Willard, Draft Prospects Hockey
“Any forward that has ever had the type of equivalency we’ve seen from Demidov in his pre-draft year and draft year, going back to the ’80s, has turned into a point-per-game-plus superstar over their careers… You need stars to compete and contend in the NHL, and Demidov is almost guaranteed to be that.”
Byron Bader, Hockey Prospecting
“Demidov is the most dynamic, verstatile, and creative [puck] handler we’ve seen come through the draft in recent years. Elements of his on-puck decision-making remain raw, but his upside as a 100-point top-line winger is supported by decent off-puck and defensive engagement and lightning-quick processing of the game. His elite-level of on-puck intelligence and his trifecta of dynamic handling, playmaking, and goalscoring tools give him the foundation to become an electrifying creative force and offensive driver.”
Sebastian High, Dobber
“Demidov breaks defences. He spots a tiny gap in coverage, bursts right through, and blows it open. He plays mostly a finesse game, but does so hyper-aggressively, attacking everything he can. Demidov succeeds at pulling off plays that most prospects can't. He plans, processes, and anticipates faster than he can stickhandle. He's a pure creator with the puck, making plays out of nothing.”
David St. Louis, Elite Prospects
“Demidov is the more dynamic and flashy prospect [Than Michkov].Demidov is the single-most gifted handler in the entire 2024 class. He projects to be the superior one-on-one attacker…someone who can single-handedly create out of thin air. When it comes to passing ability…Demidov’s ability to chain together handling sequences into following passing plays is second to none.”
Lassi Alanen, Elite Prospects
“It’s a no brainer[at #2OA]. It’s Ivan Demidov all day, every day, 24/7. You run to the stage and pick him… if you ask me, Ivan Demidov is better than Matvei Michkov… He’s the only prospect in our rankings who we gave a 10 grade to for a specific ability. It’s not just the handling skill in isolation it’s the creativity. He comes up with solutions no one can expect.. his motor is underrated, puts in work defensively… it’s a no brainer there.”
Hadi Kalakeche, Locked on NHL/Dobber

Our Scouting:
Clip 1:
As we talked about prior, Demidov has a great IQ and the ability to create lanes and plays out of nothing. Demidov pushes up the ice and enters the zone with pressure closing onto the side. He uses his hands to pull in control, but more impressively, puts his body between the defender and the puck. He uses his edgework and breaking speed to push past the defender, then is patient enough to draw 3 defenders towards him, away from his teammate. When he sees the trailing defenseman waiting, he immediately finds a tight pass for a wide open teammate to capitalize.
Clip 2:
There’s a difference between a safe move, and then there’s an insane move. Watch as Demidov comes up on the left side. He sees that the defender is getting desperate and goes for a large poke. Demidov slides the puck under the Dman’s stick and once again shows off his patience. Instead of going for a quick shot he reads that the other defender is slowly coming across the crease to prevent a passing lane. Instead of just shooting like most players, Demidov baits the goalie into thinking he’s going to run into the defenseman, and in that second, puts the puck in the net.
Clip 3:
Small play, but this is just about how slick his passing is. He slides the puck through a very tight lane while baiting the defenseman into sliding due to not knowing where the play is going to be.
Clip 4:
While we can put on nonstop highlights, it’s also important to see how smart Demidov’s game is. Demidov and the other SKA players move the puck around a bit trying to find an opening until they give it to Demidov. Demidov reads an open play and passes the puck down, but instead of immediately following the puck or staying at his spot, Demidov uses his high engagement to instead move to the other side of the net down low to offer accessory support for his teammates on his anticipated cross crease pass, should there have been a rebound.
Clip 5:
Not every highlight is going to be a goal. One really underrated part of Demidov’s game is how well he’s able to read the offense. As he holds high initially, he’s able to help move the puck out in order to reset the offense when the play fails. His motor keeps him in the play and with his excellent edges, he’s able to make a quick pivot after rushing around in order to step up and create an open shooting lane. While his teammate can’t make the pass to get the puck to him, Demidov read where the play WOULD be, not just where it was. Those IQ aspects really can’t be taught, and are part of what makes him so special. By anticipating the open play rather than following the puck, he establishes himself as a play driver by creating options rather just following and executing structure at a high level.
Clip 6:
We're not even going to analyze this one. It’s just fucking fun. Talent oozes.
Clip 7:
This video has a ton of highlights, which I’d definitely recommend watching, but we’re going to focus specifically on the play at 0:45. We can post clips of Demidov scoring goals, finding breakaways, etc. all day long, but when thinking about translation to the NHL, IQ and decision making is what we’re really drying to drill down on. Demidov arrives in the zone through to middle and pushes the initial F1 to the F3 spot and changes the rotation. The puck is dumped to him and the initial F1 leaves a drop pass for Demidov approaching the goal. As soon as Demidov gets the puck, at 0:47, you can see him primed and in a good shooting position. The bigger defender misread the play and has drifted too far towards the center of the ice, leaving Demidov with a nearly unobstructed shooting lane as the netfront defenseman is also too far toward the middle. Instead of taking the shot, he instead waits to draw over the netfront defenseman, and the bigger defenseman closer towards him, leaving his teammate literally untouched across the crease. Demidov trusts his hands and ability with an extremely quick and accurate pass through the stick range of three defenders to find his teammate wide open. His decision making has been progressively improving and his ability to look off the shot to find an elite pass will translate extremely well to the next level.
Clip 8:
Another play where you can just be excited about Demidov. The puck is wrapped up around the boards and the defenseman sitting at the top of the blue just pushes the puck back into the zone without a clear target, or a player who has an explicit opening to the puck. If anything, the puck is put in the middle of all 5 Karpat skaters. Despite starting on the outside, Demidov’s engagement shines through where he uses his edgework to get a rapid explosive burst of speed, and pushes through both defenders in front of him to gain possession. Once he gains possession, his ability to control the puck, and his handles help to demonstrate just how strong of a prospect Demidov is. Even when the defender is falling onto him, Demidov is patient, makes the netfront defender bite to believe he’s going wide, creating a lane (effectively bypassing 3 separate Karpat players) to get to the goalie unobstructed. Then, his hands come out and he absolutely undresses the netminder with moves that the video literally cannot fully capture. He makes highlights like this look routine, every single game.
Clip 9:
Sometimes when you see a play it’s hard to say anything but wow. Demidov leads the rush through the neutral zone and reads the coverage a much less conventional 1-4 scheme. The offensive rush is a bit unconventional as well, but can offer a smart solution. By having 3 attackers, two concentrated up the middle and one wide, it allows for quick movement up the middle, and post defensive collapse onto the puck, a pass to the outside for a clear entry lane and shot. Demidov passes to his teammate directly across the center of the ice as he expects that teammate to immediately get puck to their teammate on the outside as coverage collapses. Demidov gauges where the openings are pre pass, as evidenced by the head movement. Unfortunately, instead of immediately passing again to the outside for an open lane, his teammate runs into pressure, and panics. He passes back to Demidov who is less than 8ft away and will inevitably will run into immediate pressure as well. Somehow, this is no problem for Demidov. He collects the puck with the literal tip of his stick, uses his body push the defender off, and then pulls the puck in while facing the wrong direction to slip past the defender. Despite being placed in a no win situation his hands and creativity shine through and he creates a clean lane to shoot the puck at the net. It’s almost inhuman what he’s able to do with his hands. When he gets to the net, he’s patient, baits the goalie, pulls wide, and then puts in a clean backhand. Some of these highlights are literally awe-inspiring.
Closing Thoughts:
If this scouting report doesn’t get you excited for Demidov, we don’t think anything will. He’s truly the most electric player in the draft with absolutely ridiculous hands, compete, dynamic play, and highlight reel performance. His IQ is next level, and his hands allow him to do truly amazing things with his skillset and competency. Demidov’s vision is absurd; he consistently makes passes to his teammates without looking, or sends a pass before a teammate has a clean break by using anticipation. These RARELY lead to a turnovers and are often not only creative but unorthodox methods to continue to move the puck up ice. Although his skating is unorthodox, he’s explosive, able to create comprehensive offensive maneuvers due to quick transitions, and make off angle passes with ease due to his edgework. He is elite in transition and able to run a breakout, an offense, and play any of the F1/F2/F3 roles when the situation calls for it. Despite his expected size of “only” 6ft 170lbs, Demidov knows how to use his body and hands. He not only protects the puck on offense but can draw defenders away from his teammates in predictable patterns, once again opening up space for him to capitalize. The same goes for defense where he's able to use his positioning to get the edge on his opponents for a rapid takeaway or a box out off the rush.
As we mentioned earlier, Demidov’s game isn’t limited only to offense, he has a decent understanding of the two way game as well. He’s a relentless forechecker, aggressive on the boards, and also always willing to use his high running motor to jump back into a play that leaves the zone, even if he’s right next to the net. Demidov has the most skill and raw talent out of any player in this draft, including Celebrini. Had Demidov not been demoted to the MHL due to SKA’s poor management, there is almost no doubt that he would be considered nearly neck and neck with Celebrini. As it is now, Demidov is ranked #2 on most boards, and the overall #2 in the consolidated ranking. Demidovs don’t come around often; people last year were genuinely considering whether Michkov was at Bedard’s level. Demidov rivals Michkov if not exceeds him.
You can nitpick the analysis we have of any one single aspect of Demidov. Not everyone buys analytics. Not everyone buys playmaking in a lower league. Not everyone likes irregular skating. Not everyone is on board with the MHL stat sheet, our hype etc. etc. We get it. Really, we do. But at the end of the day, when you step back and appreciate the full body of work, the comps, the analytics, the rave scouting reports, unanimous love, models, stat sheets, skill, work ethic, and more that ALL say that this kid is elite, there’s fire beyond the smoke. Demidov is THE guy. There should not be a debate at #2.
For those of you who made it to the end, thanks for reading! Ultimately we know there will be inevitable debate about a prospect, but we appreciate you hearing us out, and at least letting me, u/GoldWhale, spam the sub over the last few weeks in love of Demidov. Whether or not you agree with our analysis, we encourage you to do your own scouting, read from the authors we've included, watch through all the highlights in the linked videos, and draw your own conclusions!
We appreciate everyone in this community, and will try to answer any questions that you may have in the comments. If you so choose, please feel free to crosspost to other subs, edit, or utilize this writeup anywhere you like (forums/blogs/youtube etc.), just link back to our original post! For those in professional media who have contacted us with the hope of utilizing our writeup, feel free, again just link back to the original post as well. Thanks again!

CHAPTER 9 – ENTROPY
DATE: MARCH 10th, 7 A.U. (AFTER UNIFICATION) LOCATION: SOL SYSTEM, ABOARD UTRN INDOMITABLE WILL
CAPTAIN HENRY O’TOOLE
"Ah, there you are Commander. Your message said there was something you wanted to talk with me about?" Henry asked as his executive officer approached the system map.
“Aye Captain, now's a good a time as any. As you know, the rate of disciplinary incidents has more than tripled in the last two weeks. We've had six fistfights, one near strangling, a few dozen counts of sexual harassment amongst different parties, and a few more incidents of a nature that I would rather not get into for fear of derailing the point of this conversation. I need additional resources to allocate towards ship internal security. With your permission, I'd like to borrow some of our more trusted marines to help the MA's out on their off shifts.” Commander Alvarez asked.
“Yeah, of course, take what you need to nip this in the bud. I can't say I'm entirely surprised; we expected a certain amount of this with the stresses of FTL travel. With everyone cooped up like this, maybe we should brainstorm some new outlets for the crew. Were there any specific incidents I need to get involved with?” Henry replied as he looked up from the list of updates and reports on his own console.
“No, I have it covered. It's just the regs state I need to ask permission to use marines for internal security matters.” The Commander waved it off.
“Excellent, continue to keep me in the loop then. Can I ask you a question?” Henry took the opportunity to ask something that had been bothering him.
“You just did. Hah! Just kidding, put the axe away boy! Now what would you like to know?” He said with a twinkle in his eye.
“I've seen your file, well, the parts that weren’t redacted anyway. If anything, I should be taking your orders! I mean, you're the Space Wolf! Nobody came even close to the number of ships captured or destroyed than you in the early days of the battle for the belt. Why would they want me to be captain when they had someone like you coming along the whole time? Why aren't you a captain anymore? By all right this should be your command, not mine.” Henry asked, after taking one last look around to verify they were still alone around the system map.
Commander Alvarez seemed stunned for a moment before he settled into a more pensive look.
“Listen, son, you're all full of the vigor and high passions of youth. By that I mean you've got a certain fire and aggression in you, yet I've seen you generally keep it balanced by wit and wisdom. You are a perfect match for the job, even if you could use some more real world experience. With some guidance, you'll do just fine, if you can keep strict standards for yourself and crew and a cool head when things get tough."
"I appreciate that, and I will definitely lean on your experience whenever possible. However, you didn't really answer my question... Why aren't you a captain anymore?"
"I... got a lot of damn good men and women killed in an impossible situation when we lost the Michigan-II, and I never truly got over it. No amount of medals, captured enemy ships, or the fact that I've saved many more lives than I lost can make up for that. I finally found peace with that, but that peace required that I relieve myself of any chance of future command. My legacy, for better or worse, is set in stone. Joining this expedition gives me another chance at adjusting the scales without breaking my former vows, even if the only people who will ever know it are here on the voyage with us.”
“So, you claim you have no aims or desires for leadership, but here you are a mere heartbeat away from it.” Henry said, carefully studying his executive officer's every reaction.
“My time for glory is mostly gone, yours is at your feet before you. To the world, I am retired in comfort and isolation. In reality you have me here to help make your will law. You can relax. I already turned down command of this expedition. I was plan A, why do you think they had to scramble to find you? I will take command of this mission only if you are incapable of doing so yourself, Sir. In the meantime, let my experience and whatever wisdom I can offer guide you.”
An emergency alert snapped both of their attention out of their conversation. "There's a fire in one of the officer's cabins?!" Henry’s pulse quickened as he referenced the map to find which one.
“Fuck, it started in Chantal’s room!” Henry said, horrified.
“I've got the CIC under control. Go on and get her out of there, I'll send the cavalry."
“Thank you, Commander.” Henry called back over his shoulder as he rushed for the quick lift.
The officer cabins were the in the very next deck overhead, so he was able to arrive quickly and break into a sprint. The ship shifted as it dodged some antimatter, causing Henry to slip and scramble back to his feet. As he rounded the corner he saw her door was closed and the keypad powered was off. He could hear thumps and muffled screaming from within the room.
"HANG ON CHANTAL, I'M COMING!" Henry shouted in the hope that she could hear him as he pried at the manual override panel.
Two modified Paladin exo-combat armor suits rounded the corner seconds later with a hospitalman trailing behind pushing a medical cart.
"WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE, SIR." A speaker-amplified voice spoke from behind him.
One of the Paladin suits accessed the manual control override and forced the door open enough for the other suit to reach in and pry it the rest of the way open as smoke plumed into the corridor. The second suit charged into the room with its flood lights on as a water cannon mounted on the right wrist sprayed flame retardant from a pack on its back. The first suit abandoned the door control and entered, emerging moments later with Chantal awake and coughing from inside the darkened door frame. She was quickly ushered into cleaner air, set gently down, wrapped in a blanket, and was quickly attended to by a hospitalman who began to check her vitals.
Relief flooded Henry’s mind as his adrenaline surge broke against the wall of worry he had built up during his mad dash from the CIC.
“Baby you came for me! I thought I was going to die in there." She pulled him into a tight embrace as she wept in cathartic release.
"Of course I did! I couldn't stand to lose you, especially not over something like this. So, what the hell happened in there?"
"Well you know me, I was all burning the midnight oil and then I smelled smoke! Then there were some sparks, the outlet pops then whoosh! My computer station and my desk are all ablaze along with half my notes, then the damned door wouldn't work! I had to drop to the floor under the smoke and pound on the door in hopes that someone would hear me. God, it was horrible... I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life." She replied with a deep shudder.
"You're safe now, it's going to be alright."
"I know, but what about my work?" She replied with a forlorn look back at her smoke damaged room.
"What about your work?"
"As you know, I lost a ton of it just now, but what’s worse is I don't even have the ability to recover them! Remember how I lost my backup drive last week? Like, I know I packed it and it is not here anywhere! It’s like some sick cosmic joke on me or something. Sorry! Gotta keep it positive, girl! I get to rethink my last few weeks’ worth of work from scratch... that was almost positive! I probably have most of this recoverable from email sent box backups. Fuck, what do you do if there's no good silver lining?” Chantal bemoaned.
Henry couldn’t help himself but laugh for a second, while his girlfriend stared at him, waiting for a response.
“I’m sorry, is this funny to you or something?”
“No, no of course not. This might be one of those times where the only silver lining is that you're alive. Plus, if anyone can remember and rebuild their notes, you can." Henry smiled down at her.
“Fine, fine, at least I am alive. I was only breathing smoke for a few seconds after all.” She said, rolling her eyes. “Thank you for rushing down here right away anyway, it means a lot. You're amazing, you know.”
Henry smiled, slightly uncomfortable for a moment, so he changed the subject.
“I do my best... Anyway, it seems like these electrical issues seem to be getting worse instead of better. Whatever patch these clowns have slapped on my ship to get her to pass inspection is clearly coming undone. What do you think is going on here?” Henry asked in mild exasperation.
“Honestly, I can’t tell you without digging into the systems myself, which I would rather avoid. My plate is full enough as it is right now, especially having to reproduce so much of my own work now. This ship has kilometers of power cables running throughout it, after all, and you have an entire loyal, capable team down there in electrical, so it should only be a matter of time before they sort it out for you. Let them do their jobs without harassing them too much, please?”
Henry felt a little irked at her for not giving him credit to know not to go overboard, but he stowed it, seeing as she ultimately was right.
“The crew has been under a lot of stress, too, between the technical issues with the lights going out, losing power to workstations, or the constant antimatter threat. More than a few people have tried to convince me to turn us around and return to S33 for a more in-depth refit and repair cycle before we try the mission again. So far, everyone has accepted the fact that we are continuing the mission without much argument, but I fear what may happen if these issues are seen as getting worse. Our orders are clear, though, we must continue the journey.” Henry said, uncomfortable with the implications, even if he didn't dare voice it.
“You should get on the Q-Comm to report the fire to S33. Maybe they will order us back to base after this.” She offered, looking for a solution to an impossible problem.
“Good idea, at least the Q-Comm is still working. It’s incredible to me those particles maintained their entanglement once we passed through the baryonic barrier. That alone has been a huge morale boost, being able to contact home base with no time lag.” Henry replied.
“It’s incredible to you because you only have a basic grasp of the science, hon. But that’s alright, very few people truly understand it. That’s in part what you have me here for anyway. Einstein called the effect spooky action from a distance; I always liked that line.”
Henry ran his fingers through his hair and looked at Chantal, with a shake of his head and a smile.
“Listen, Henry, I just had a crazy stressful experience and I need to unwind. Plus, I haven’t slept in almost a day, so I am bone tired. Let’s go to bed, huh? What do you say doc, am I clear to go?” Chantal asked.
The hospitalman closed her eyes and shook her head before responding. "Yes, you are cleared to rest, and only to rest, do you understand me?"
Chantal mouthed a thank you before she took Henry by the hand and led him off to the captain’s quarters. Henry felt no desire to fight it, nor flaw with her reasoning. Sleep sounded good, really good. Plus, he was about an hour from the start of his sleep shift anyway, and Alvarez had the CIC well covered. The lights flickered again, but Henry very purposefully ignored it.
“Hey, since we have a little time and we are both a little wound up, Why don’t we take a shower together real quick?” She said with genuine enthusiasm and a wink.
“Madam, I like the way you think.” The couple raced just a bit faster than regulations would have liked, and arrived at his door in record speed.
Inside the room they fell upon each other in great passion and need, stripping each other out of their BDU’s and underclothes. Henry tossed a giggling Chantal onto the bed, and proceeded to kiss her neck and nibble on her ear causing her to purr in anticipation before he moved down her chest, past her navel, and then eagerly began to move his kisses in between her thighs.
“Hah…. I haven’t showered. Are you sure? Oooookay! I think…. Hah…. Okay.” She said breathlessly as Henry began to work his tongue until she began to shiver and squirm before she cried out as she melted in his mouth.
“Enough, please, I can’t take it anymore! Just fuck me already!” Chantal pulled herself together enough to beg for it. Henry stood rigid and ready and set himself to granting her request, first slowly, and then with a growing intensity. She once more began to squirm as he paid close attention to her hip’s cues, knowing very well by now what she liked.
As she climaxed again, Henry lifted her from the bed and pushed her up against the wall, and then bent her over his desk for a bit before he could take it no longer and they finished together.
“Holy shit… my legs aren’t gonna work for a bit after that one. Help me up?” Chantal said in between shallow breaths.
“Yes, ma’am. It would be my pleasure.” Henry said as he helped her to her feet and into the shower, staying in longer than was strictly necessary.
Henry left the steam first, once more thankful that his cabin included its own small bathroom, rather than a communal one. Being captain had its perks, after all. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, then handed another to Chantal who gratefully accepted it before it dropped to the ground as she stared straight past him.
“Henry!" She squeaked as she pointed past him.
"What?" Henry asked, confused.
"Henry, someone was in here!”
On their bathroom mirror, wiped from the steam were the words TURN BACK.
Henry's blood ran cold and his adrenaline spiked him into overdrive. He waved Chantal back into the shower and put his finger to his lips. She nodded then wrapped herself in her retrieved towel and dropped to the shower floor with her arms wrapped around her knees, whimpering slightly. Henry moved silently along the wall, watching the visible half of his room for any movement. He then burst round the door frame, only to find everything perfectly, precisely as they had left it. The shock of finding nothing collided with the spike of his adrenaline surge, which only fed his growing unease.
“There’s nobody here!” Henry called out after checking the closet, the only other place someone could have hidden.
“Did you lock the door?” Chantal asked, her mind already working on the mystery.
“I set the security protocol to auto lock every time it closes.”
“Paul. We need to talk to Paul.” Chantal said, squeezing her BDU’s up over her hips with a few hops. Henry pulled on his undershirt before tossing over her bra.
“Why would we want to bring that weasel into this?” Henry asked, incredulous at to how he could possibly help.
“Because he has access to the surveillance tapes, why else?”
Henry stared at Chantal, brimming with rage, trying his hardest to keep it isolated to Paul over the invasion of his privacy.
“Did you just say surveillance tapes!?!” Henry asked in an icy tone. “That does it, I’m going to strangle him.” Henry said, moving with a purpose toward the door.
“Stop. Turn around and give me a kiss. I already disabled the video cameras, at least all the ones I could find. He has audio at best, even that I doubt. What he does have that I want is the data from the motion sensor that he had installed just in case you found the more obvious bugs. Unfortunately, I sabotaged its effectiveness by blocking the sensor with dense foam, but there might be enough of something to give us a clue."
“How in the hell do you know about all of this anyway, and why the hell didn’t you tell me?!” Henry roared.
“This entire enterprise is run by an intelligence agency; how can you not have seen that one coming a mile away? I have gotten very good at catching bugs over the years. Just because I expect the invasion of privacy to be happening, doesn’t mean I have to make it easy on them. Just be happy I already took care of the issue, alright?” She replied firmly while staring him in the eyes with raised eyebrows.
“You’re incredible, I love you.” Henry blurted out before he could catch himself. Chantal beamed and tackled him to the bed sitting on his lap.
“What took you so long? Never mind, don’t answer that. I love you too, man have I wanted to say that one for a while now.”
“You know these things aren’t easy for me. I had to be sure, I also didn’t want to mess anything up. We need to be able to work together even if we had turned out to be a bad couple.” Henry admitted, Chantal made an show as she thought it over, but she then smiled and helped Henry to his feet.
“Alright, my captain. You speak great wisdom. While I have certainly felt, and thoroughly enjoyed, the depths of your passion, it is really nice to hear about it too. I do think it makes it all the better that you rule said passion with reason. It’s just one of the many things I love about you.” She said, laying her hand over his heart.
Henry took her other hand and kissed it before replying. “I think above all, I wanted to make sure that I didn’t take you for granted, nor suffer the same in reverse. A wise woman once gave me some great advice there that I have taken to heart.”
“Okay, Romeo, maybe you have a better handle on these things than you think. Now… Let’s go interrogate Paul.” Chantal had a fire in her eyes that Henry was loving very much at that moment.
“I have wanted to turn the screws on that spook for a while now.” Henry smiled as he spoke, and he opened up the connection to the ship’s intranet through his neural implant to send a message.
MEET ME IN YOUR QUARTERS IN 5 MINUTES FOR A DISCUSSION OF CRITICAL IMPORTANCE – CPT. O'TOOLE
“That ought to get him there and alone.” Henry smirked. “Let’s go.”
Together, they made their way to Paul’s equivalent-sized quarters, which he had somehow secured for himself in the ship design to help facilitate his role as the official thorn in Henry’s paw. I guess being the captain’s handler has its perks as well. Henry’s eye twitched at the corner.
After making them wait far too long, Paul opened the door and gesturing them inside. The door closed and Paul turned towards them, narrowing his eyes, studying them both.
“Is this about the fire?” Paul asked before Henry punched the weasel right in the diaphragm, forcing him to gasp for air. The look of shock on his face as he bent forwards was priceless.
“What the fuck, Henry!?” Paul managed to choke out after a minute between gasps.
“Relax, I didn’t do any permanent damage, yet.” Henry said, Paul for just a second showed actual fear in his eyes before he sneered in defiance. “Oh? That got your attention, did it? Why were you spying on me?” Henry growled.
Paul closed his eyes, dropped his head, and began to laugh before Henry grabbed him by the throat and slammed him into the wall. Foolishly, Paul even then kept laughing amidst the gasping. So Henry squeezed until Paul started slapping his arm, looking genuine fear once more growing across his face.
“Orders… I was following orders!” Paul managed to say amidst gasps and coughs.
“I thought it might be something like that. You're going to open up those files, now, and you're going to show me everything.” Henry said, dropping him to his feet at last.
“Fucking hell, Henry, I thought you of all people would have anticipated this was going to be the case. Do you think the people who made this all possible would simply let you fly around the most dangerous, advanced warship in human history without some insurance?”
“Don’t try and weasel out of your own personal culpability here. You may also want to think back to other people who were “only following orders” while performing acts they knew were wrong before you wave that line around like some get out of jail free card.” The fact that he had nothing to say spoke volumes.
“You should have told me, Paul.” Henry growled.
“That defeats the purpose! Plus, your girlfriend sabotaged them all before we ever left S33 anyway, and once more after! That type of tech doesn’t just grow on trees you know, and I don’t have an unlimited supply. You should be thanking me for covering for her and reporting back like things are normal!” Paul shouted in indignation.
“This is pointless, show me the files from around fifteen minutes ago, motion trackers, thermals, anything you have that's not blocked or sabotaged.” Henry commanded. Paul’s eyes narrowed, but after a long moment he huffed and closed his eyes.
Paul then sat down at his station and fired it up.
“Like I said, I've got practically nothing. No video, muffled audio and readings from what I assume to be a faulty motion sensor, that’s it. What are we looking for?”
“Chantal and I were, well, together. After we got out of the shower we saw that someone had written turn back in the condensation on the bathroom mirror. Only problem? My door auto locks when closed and only opens for my biometrics. That is why all of this even came up in the first place.”
“Motherfucker. That's a whole heap of bad news.” Paul said. Henry merely nodded, paying rather more attention to the screen to see if he could catch Paul in a lie about the extent of the spying.
“There’s nothing. No disturbances in the air that would even remotely resemble human movement between you two getting in the shower and you charging into your bedroom. With the noise of the shower and the distance to the microphone, there is nothing I can discern that is anomalous. You can see it all right here for yourself.”
Henry found himself even more confused and alarmed than before.
“How is that possible? Look again, run through some filters or something. There must be some evidence somewhere!”
“Alright, relax, I will get to work on this and get you a report by the end of C shift. In the meantime, you look like a mess. Get some sleep man! I can take care of it from here. Oh, and I want you to remember that I forgave you quite magnanimously for that little episode back there where you attacked me.” Henry and Chantal gave each other a look as Paul spoke.
“Wasn’t gonna apologize anyway, you had it coming. I’m going to hit the rack. I expect that report to be detailed and ready when I get up.” Henry took Chantal by the hand, and they left together, not waiting for a response.
“What a snake. Did you see him in there? Zero guilt or recognition whatsoever about spying like that. It just makes my skin crawl. Gives me bad memories.” Chantal said, turning pensive and quiet.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Henry asked, seeing that there was something clearly bothering her.
“I… had an uncle that lived with us from time to time and he would spy on me when I was dressing, try and sneak looks in the shower, stuff like that. Never touched me or anyone else that I know of, thank god, but man did it screw me up a bit still. Played havoc with my sense of security and even my sanity, never being quite sure it was real or all in my head. I wish I had said something, but I was afraid everyone would think I was overreacting or imagining it. I saw it in his eyes though, that look of... predatory lust. At least I didn't see anything like that in Paul's eyes. To this day it makes my skin crawl.”
“Good God, I can see how alone you must have felt in the middle of all that.” He squeezed her hand, she smiled up at him.
“Yeah, that was one of the hardest parts. I don’t think Paul is some raging pervert or anything, but it concerns me how normalized it was to him. Even if he isn’t being a creep with it, as if we can take his claims to be covering for me at face value. There is still no way I am going to let him have easy access to intimate videos of us, if I can possibly help it.” Chantal said before adding, “I’ll be all right, don’t worry about me. Let’s just get some sleep.”
Henry put his palm against the biometric scanner outside his room and the door slid open for them. They definitely needed some sleep after the emotional roller coaster of the past few hours, and the irresistible warm embrace of his bed called for him. The Q-Comm report could wait until he woke, he decided.
Better to have the electrical inspection ordered up, too.
I WANT A FULL REPORT AND INSPECTION PERFORMED ON THE ELECTRICAL FIRE IN CHANTAL’S ROOM BY THE START OF A SHIFT. – CAPT. O'TOOLE
Good enough. Henry thought as he sent the message. Now he could sleep. The chief could handle it from there.
MEANWHILE…
DATE : MARCH 10th, 7 A.U. LOCATION: SOL SYSTEM, ABOARD UTRN INDOMITABLE WILL
FIREMAN APPRENTICE SARAH CALLAHAN
It'll be back again tonight...
Sarah’s haunted thoughts repeated like a mantra. She had to be ready, but how? Her skin crawled and itched, the long sleeves of her BDU’s prevented her from being able to do anything about the painful sensation from the inflamed scratches they hid. She blearily rubbed at her sunken eyes, and she drained the rest of her coffee. All the numbers on the screen had started bleeding in together and her eyes hurt horribly, with the throbbing pain in her abdomen only compounding her misery.
“My god, Sarah, you look a wreck, hon. How have you been sleeping?” Yvonne, her shift partner asked, with concern in her voice.
“I have a monster tension headache, I just hope the meds kick in soon. Can you check my math? I need to get out of these white lights for a few minutes. Close my eyes for a bit, something, anything. I've been having nightmares again.” Sarah felt good, being able to admit it, and Yvonne had long since proven her friendship, so it was easier to actually speak.
“Yeah, no prob. As soon as I am done here I will check your readings and we can get out of here. Do you mean nightmares from the invasion?” Yvonne asked, carefully picking her words and tone.
“Kind of the same general themes, but different. Everything is going wrong, like the worst possible outcomes of my worst nightmares are all combining together. Like, it feels actively malicious, I don't know, its hard to explain...” Sarah said, bleakly.
“That’s hard, I am sorry. You need a shower, and an uninterrupted nap. Sleep deprivation plays all kinds of hell on the body and mind. I had a friend who went through an insomniac phase so extreme he would go days without sleeping. Wound up in the hospital after trying to drive to work while hallucinating his dead fiancée was sitting in the passenger seat screaming at him to watch out. Wound up rear-ending the car in front of him. Thank God he lived to tell the tale, but that is why it worries me to see you like this.” Yvonne planted her hand on Sarah’s shoulder as she told the story.
“Yikes, I think I slept like two hours into my sleep shift before I started having the nightmares again, woke up, and passed in and out of some restless sleep. It got really bad around oh three hundred. There were sounds... noises like scratching and a loud bang, and the shadows were moving. I just kept feeling like I was being watched, but everyone else seemed to be having disturbed sleep in their bunks. God, it was a creepy feeling.” Sarah took a moment to compose herself.
“I know how crazy this will sound, maybe that I am sleep deprived and likely hallucinating like your friend, but just hear me out. There was something there Yvonne, in the dark at the edge of perception, I could feel it. I also know I wasn’t the only one tossing and turning either. I could also hear scratchy whispering, too. I just hid, strapped in under the weighted blanket. At some point I slept some more, I must have, but not for what felt like a few stressful and draining hours. I'm just making a total mess of explaining this, aren’t I?”
“No, you're fine, girl! I am sorry that happened, my dorm has been pretty quiet, but I have always slept like a rock. Is there anything I can do?”
“I could use a hug.” Sarah said, which caused Yvonne to laugh, breaking some of the tension. They embraced warmly for a good minute, which did wonders for relieving some of the headache and her black mood.
“Thanks, Yvonne, I know it’s all in my head and it’s a vicious feedback cycle due to lack of quality sleep. Thanks for listening without calling me crazy.“ Sarah said, shying away from the last thing she hadn’t the courage to say.
She didn’t dare mention how she had hidden under the covers as she felt it get near. How she had felt something pushing on the mattress. How as her fear peaked, she herself peeked over the covers to find nothing there just to have the oppressive feeling evaporate along with the sensation of pressure by her feet. Her dorm mates all seemed to stop stirring after that, and only then did the nightmares stop for her that night. By then she was left with barely enough time for one last short sleep cycle before the start of A shift that very morning. This was a secret she would have to keep to herself, nobody would believe her anyway.
“I think I'll ask the Chief for a break from my duties today to rest and to visit med bay. Maybe they can give me something to help catch back up on my sleep.” Sarah said.
“Good idea, can I come with? I’ll back you up.” Yvonne said. Sarah smiled at her friend before she nodded at her before they checked off the last of their duties on site and headed away to find the Chief.

Welcome back to a little more MARRIED Mary Mania before I wrap things up with The Abridged Goblinization. I decided that this bit deserved its own chapter. Some of you seem to be entertained by Mary (or at least entertained by your own loathing of her), so I hope this will prove amusing. In my life, I've encountered an inordinate number of low-key lolcows (probably because I was far too patient and far too passive for far too long), so I might as well throw just enough distortion on the page to protect the good guys and the genuinely reformed beards. But I'm also gonna shine a bright, unflattering spotlight on the lolcows, creeps, weirdos, pervs, and BEARDS, both neck and leg.
And I'll very, very cautiously tiptoe over the bit where I do a bunch of mental gymnastics, squint my eyes, tilt my head, and convince myself that dating Whisky might be a welcome change of pace. I have no delusions when I look back on it. This was a dumb move in retrospect, but all the mental gymnastics in the world can't bring me to a reasonable scenario where I was psychic and thus able to predict what he'd become once he stopped pretending to be a gentleman. Nor can the most elite, Olympic-level mental gymnastics execute a double salto layout with a half-twist perfectly enough to force me to concede the "logical point" that I should have spotted warning signs that I'd never freakin' seen before. Okay, that's enough saltiness for today. Don't worry. This chapter mostly focuses on Mary's mania. Whisky's just kind of... there.
So there I was... dating a guy who called when he said he would, remained constant in his affections, never asked for weird stuff in the sack (in fact, we weren't even intimate at that point), and claimed to be a secular humanist who practiced elements of Hinduism (as opposed to conveniently becoming born-again whenever it suited his needs to wallow in shame). And we seemed to have similar enough tastes in media, which made for pleasant movie nights and enjoyable conversations about nerdy stuff. It felt like a step up. It felt like emotional maturation. It wasn't. I was deluding myself and I was listening to people who had seriously whacked-out views on romance. I'd learn eventually. But at this point in time, I was "de loo loo" and impressionable. For shame!
But here's an even more shameful admission for ya. My original intention was to make Whisky the "for now guy." I knew I could do better. I was formally educated, I was in shape, I was normatively attractive, and I tended to be successful in both my theatrical and academic endeavors. Plus, I was super friendly and good with people. Whisky was kind of a bump on a log. Sure, he seemed nice. He was sometimes able to make interesting conversation. But my overall sentiment regarding the relationship was, to quote Whisky's favorite catch phrase, "Meh."
I knew he was mooching off his mysterious "big bro," and he wasn't doing this with the intention of saving up and eventually becoming self-sufficient. He just kicked up a fuss whenever he wanted something, and... it usually appeared. I still thought he was physically unattractive, too. I hate nasty-ass beards, I have a strong preference for shorter guys (they don't need to be as short as Dennis, but I don't exactly love being towered over), and Whisky had whatever the dude version of resting bitch face is. I admonished myself for being shallow and decided to soldier on. Date after date. And I did kind of get used to all the shallow things I objected to.
But, really... Dating Whisky at all was a dick move on my part. Then again, how many Nice Guy (TM)s want girls to do exactly what I did? Not attracted? Think he's kind of a bum? Find him a bit boring? Just give him a chance!!! Go on a crap-ton of dates with him until you like the familiarity enough to settle for him. That's the key to a healthy relationship!!! It never works. You could flip this around and apply it to Nice Girls who want pity dates, too.
Anyway. Lucy knew I was dating Whisky, and she thought it was great. She was honestly just happy to see that I was no longer pining over Dennis and that Whisky was no longer getting relentlessly stalked by Mary. Speaking of Mary... She'd had an imaginary dramatic breakup with Scumbanger not long after she crashed Lucy's brunch. Murky aside... The following summer, I'd do another show with the pervy pest and I'd find out that Mary had given the former Rum Tum Tugger a tug in the parking lot of The Imp and had let him motorboat her. When dozens of lewd messaged filled his inbox the following day, the most indiscriminate playboy I'd ever met in my freakin' life blocked that clingy legbeard's number and never had any further contact with her. But seeing as neither of them are especially reliable sources, my best guess is that the truth is somewhere in between.
After the dramatic "breakup" with Scumbanger, Mary immediately became obsessed with the new tech guy. I wasn't seeing shows as often, but I heard from Lucy and George that Mary had taken to wearing see-through mesh shirts with no bra since Tech Guy operated the spotlight. She'd rush out to Tech Guy's car as soon as the show ended and just... wait for him. George said he often saw Tech Guy sneaking out of the emergency exit. Lucy said she saw him get into an Uber a few times and leave his car in the parking lot all night with Mary lounging provocatively on the hood.
Soon enough, Tech Guy's wife started attending shows. And she would remain glued to him. And so, Mary's narrative became, "He was shy about things at first 'cause he's married. But then I explained ethical infidelity and polyamory to him. So now I'm the guest star in their sex life!!!" Neither Lucy nor George saw any evidence of this. In fact, Mrs. Tech Guy was consistently rude and aggressive towards Mary. According to the delusional legbeard, "That's just foreplay. She loves angry bangs! And I'm cool with being a sub. She ties me up and shoves her entire fis..." Lucy would usually shush her when she sensed that Mary was ramping up the raunch factor.
After a very short time, Tech Guy issued a formal complaint, which led to Mary getting called into the artistic director's office. Tech Guy quit the following week, and Mary was suddenly "officially" dating the artistic director of The Imp. She began calling herself the "First Lady of the Theatre." At first, this seemed outlandish. But the director had been the one to hire her. And he repeatedly refused to replace her when she consistently failed to learned her lines, ran around naked, stalked the tech guy, and contributed little more than mukbangs to the comedy.
Some skullduggery was definitely afoot. Was it "sexy time," as Mary enthusiastically claimed? Who knows. Chuckie might have been paying the dude to give Mary a hobby. But not long after Mary started boasting about boning this new boo, he lost his temper during a show, stormed onto the stage, swept her mountains of food aside (making an enormous mess), and shouted in her face, "Button up your blouse and put on a fucking bra, you imbecile!" The audience, thinking it was part of the sketch, apparently roared with laughter; but Mary burst into tears and went into hiding for a few days.
But when she reemerged, she was miraculously back into the improv group, much to Lucy's disappointment. She began dressing a little more conservatively (which basically only meant that she knocked off the deliberate nip slips and started wearing underwear). The director barely interacted with her, and she still wept in the dressing room over the harrowing breakup. Was this true in the slightest? Well, Mary bragged that she could sue the director for sexual harassment if he fired her. Seeing as she could have and SHOULD HAVE been booted many times over, it does check out to some extent.
And then... there was the pièce de résistance of Mary's misadventures in mating. She met a biker dude at Filthy McNasty's. This guys was disgusting. Most of her previous dudes had been questionable, weird, or possibly imaginary. But we all saw this one. He was as fat as a Hutt, he smelled like a grease trap, motor oil, B.O., and a very specific type of cheese... The few teeth that he had were black and green, his fingernails were yellowed and a few of them oozed pus. Finally, the volume and crackly, bubbly properties of his frequent farts indicated to George Gay that he, "definitely had a virgin booty." Mary's lard-ass loverboy called himself "Hogg," which was probably a reference to the two-wheeled vehicle that he was very obviously too large to actually ride. Or it might have just been an obvious nickname for a filthy fat fuck.
But Hogg, like Tech Guy a few loverboys ago, had a wife. And she made frequent appearances at Filthy's as well. Hogg's wife was shockingly... kind of pretty. A little rough around the edges. Didn't smell the greatest. But she stood in stark contrast to her repugnant hubby, even with her fried hair, her sloppily inked tats, and her imprecisely applied eye makeup. Her teeth were free of obvious rot. She had a beautiful figure. And she had a carefree attitude that was probably attractive to a number of people. She'd fart right along with Hogg, she didn't shave her legs, and the profane compound nouns she came up with always cracked me up (lard-tard, smegma-booger, felch-belcher).
And Mary was once again claiming to be in a throuple with The Hoggs. But this time, there was hard evidence. They'd get busy in some corner of the establishment, and even got booted from the dive bar a few times for lewd behavior, offensive odors, and illegal drug use. On one particular night, Mrs. Hogg lit one of her hubby's gargantuan ass-rippers while Mary was doing her thing, completely shrouded by his big belly. The blue flame ignited some spilt booze on the dingy floor, and a small fire erupted. The staff were able to stomp it out, but the nasty throuple was unceremoniously banished.
Alas, management allowed Mary to re-enter the bar because she apparently had some sort of sway with one of the bartenders. Instead of meeting her...uh... "partners" for some more boom-boom, Mary decided to come back inside and gush about Hogg's majestic rooster to all of us. She smelled like D cheese, ammonia, and burnt farts as she plopped down at our table, already screeching about how much bigger her "new boo" was, compared to that vile turd of an artistic director.
George Gay: Fuck me, Mary!!! You reek. Go wash the uncircumcised methhead off your hands and then you can sit with us.
Mary started to protest. Lucy cut her off. "Your whole body is probably a veritable Petri dish from fooling around with those nasty-ass people." She handed Mary some Purell. "Wash the junkie junk off, keep the bottle, and don't you fucking touch me when you come back!"
Mary's bottom lip began to quiver and she looked pleadingly at me. "Just wash up," I told her. "You're too pretty to go around smelling like that.”
Off she went to the dingy bathroom. Maybe I wasn't harsh enough, but flattery got results in this instance. And when she returned, she had managed to dilute the stench enough so that we could stand to sit at the same table with her.
Mary took a deep breath in preparation to gush about something that would have undoubtedly been disgusting, but George cut her off this time. "Mare. How do you even BANG someone with a belly like that?"
Mary (speaking a bit more quickly than usual): Oh, it just takes some creative positioning. We get him to lie down. If Mrs. Hogg is taking in the rod, I hold his bowl of jelly up with both arms and stick my cooter in his face. He eats it like his mommy made it! And when it's my turn to get blasted, the missus uses a bunch of yoga straps to hold it up. I have to take it from behind because my own little tiny bit of va-jiggle-jaggle bumps up against his bowl of jelly if why try to smash like vanilla people. It's so much fun, though!!! And then he props his bowl of jelly up on the coffee table and plays with himself while he watches his honey strap on a dil...
George: I so regret asking.
Mary: They're sooo fun to fool around with! I think they might be my forever partners! (Her hands were too shaky to slide down her body in unbridled ecstasy, so she clasped them together and hid them underneath her itty bitty little gunt.)
Lucy: So when are you gonna dump Chuck?
Mary: Well... Hogg and the missus don't have much scratch. And what they do have, they spend on smokeables. When I meet a real sugar daddy, I'll get rid of Chuckle. He pretended to be a baller before we got married. But he's just middle management and he's content to stay there. Pffffftt. No ambition.
Mary launched into another long, unnecessarily graphic gushing about her garbage partners and their nasty-ass boom-boom. So I decided this would be a good time to clear my conscience about dating Whisky. Mary hadn't so much as mentioned him in months. She was inexplicably smitten with The Hoggs. And her ultimate dream man was obviously some filthy rich dude (perhaps a literally filthy dude who was also rich), which took Whisky out of the running. I still think it would have been amusing if Mary had tried to date Mori...
I waited for her adult film star gasp to wind down before I finally interjected, "Wow. Sounds like you've got a fantastic sex life right now!"
Mary: I do! You need to get over that born-again weirdo and find a real man so that you and I can have good girl talk!
Me: Well... I'm not banging anybody, but I am dating somebody. Sort of. It's not really that big of a deal. I'm not even sure that I'm completely into him. But he's been super sweet to me...
Lucy put her arm around me, almost as if she knew I was about to need protection.
Mary: TELL ME!
I hesitated. "Well... It's Whiskers."
In an instant, George jumped up and grabbed Mary by the shoulders, lest she lunge at me.
But Mary got very quiet. Silent tears welled up in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She gasped and buried her face in her hands, now emitting one seemingly endless, impossibly high-pitched whine.
George loosened his grip and began to pat her on the back. Lucy's grip tightened on me and she whispered, "Here we go. Overreaction sequence has commenced."
Mary lifted her red, tear-stained face and glared at me. "HOW COULD YOU???"
Me: Mary, I swear. I thought you hated his guts. I haven't heard you talk about him in ages. When he asked, I thought it would be good for me to give him a chance since he's always been really sweet to me.
Mary: But what about the way he treated ME??? He was such an asshole!
Lucy: Was he? Mary, you stalked the guy. If he was rude, it was only because you weren't taking NO for an answer.
Mary: He never told me he wanted to end things. He just kept ghosting me. But whenever I showed up at his house and jumped on him, we always wound up smashing. Eventually.
I didn't have the gumption at that point in my life to suggest to Mary that it's wrong on every imaginable level to coerce someone into intimate activity, regardless of gender. And even knowing what Whiskers would eventually become, he didn't deserve THAT. I should have called her out. Instead, I tried to steer the conversation back to her current bedroom bliss, hoping she'd get distracted by the disgusting thoughts that delighted her so much.
Me: Who cares what he's doing now?! Aren't you insanely happy with your fun new lovers???
Mary: NO! THEY STINK! HE'S FAT. I want my sexy Whisky-Boo Whiskers back!!! Give him back, Valley! Puh-leeee-eeee-eeeee-eeeease.
Me: I don't "have" him. I'm just seeing him. If he hurt you this much, why don't you try to sit down and have a real conversation with him? It might be good for both of you to clear the air.
Mary: He blocked me on everythi-iiiiiii-iiiii-iiiiiing. Waaaaaaaaaah!
Me: Well, I guess that's your answer. You probably overwhelmed him. He seems like a bit of a softy. Personally, I need a softy right now. But I think you need a manly man.
Mary rose. She gave me an icy stare. And then she cooed in an unnervingly sweet tone. "I love you, Valley-Boo. I know you didn't mean to break my heart."
Me: Thank you, Mary. Really, I wouldn't have even considered his initial invitation if you hadn't been calling him "Satan," and telling us all that you hated him, and dating all these new guys. I didn't do it to spite you, I swear. It just happened.
Mary (still creepily, icily sweet): Yes. We're so alike, you and I. It's perfectly understandable that the same guy would go for both of us. But you owe me. You owe me big.
Me: I'm gonna disagree with that. If you think I slighted you, just tell me to fuck off. If you really do understand that these things happen, then you'll accept that there was no malice on anyone's part.
Mary: Mmmm-hmmmm. We'll see about that.
She jiggled her Jupiters, tossed her hair, and stalked out of the dive bar...

AND THEN SHE BANGED DENNIS.

Hey everyone,
I’ve spent the last couple months overhauling my work attire to be a little more formal (got too used to quarter zips/sweaters during hybrid work). Keep in mind my office is far from a formal environment, but at least I’ve gone from jeans/loose trousers to tapered Lululemon ABC trousers and slim fit, tucked in shirts. It’s made a big difference as I’m gunning for a senior director role and folks have comments more times than I can count (perhaps a testament that I dressed like shit before lol).
I’ve turned my attention to shoes and my thus far I’ve been wearing Amberjack dress shoes and Chelsea boots. Kicker is that I travel a lot for work, as in 3-4 cross country (6 hour) flights a month between offices. For this reason the Amberjacks seems liked a good option and have been thus far.
Looking for a pair of slip ons and curious if anyone has tried both the Amberjack slip on or Thursday Lincoln?
https://thursdayboots.com/products/mens-lincoln-penny-loafer-rich-mahogany
https://www.amberjack.shop/collections/the-slip-on/products/the-slip-on-obsidian

Hello everyone,
I recently purchased a pair of Mongrel K9 Chelsea boots online and am pretty unhappy with them overall. I got them in AU 8.5 (half size for more width) and they are too narrow.
I love that Jim Green boots bring affordability with thick leather and beefy construction. Looking at the Stockman boots, they don’t exactly look office friendly. My job has me in an office but also hiking on trails. I love the slip on Chelsea style boots, and am wondering if anyone has built the stockman boot in the ASHM last? I would love to see how that looks and if anyone has insight to how the ASHM last fits compared to Redback or Mongrel boots I would be happy to hear about it.
Thank you in advance!

[Previous]
Memory transcription subject: Governor Tarva of the Venlil Republic
Date [standardized human time]: July 12, 2136
I couldn’t help but quake in regret as the human ship touched down on the landing pad before me. Would they come down running, frothing at the idea of tasting unfamiliar flesh? Or would they immediately start blasting everything in sight, relishing in the cruelty coded in their blood? As much as I wanted to cry and scream, I had to remain calm for these beasts and the others accompanying me: Kam and my diplomatic advisor, Cheln.
I would normally have more people, but because of our nature as Venlil, nobody bothered to come, forcing me to drag these two here.
Kam’s tail flicked in anxiety, wanting to do something he so little has the power to perform.
“You’re going to get us all killed, Tarva.” He hissed at me, “Might as well hand us to them on a silver platter, all tied up and gutted.”
“Kam, you’re making me really nervous, and that will happen if you don’t shut up. All that we’re doing is buying the Federation some time to save us from these freaks!” I hissed back. “Venlil Prime is not going to be another slaughterhouse!”
“You know I’m not going to be all uppity and friendly with them. I could barely hold it when that transmission came.”
“Neither did I, but here we are! So how about we all act as if they’re just prey? Can you do that for the sake of not being torn apart?”
He huffed, turning his head away from me, his tail curling up in spite. If we’re predator food, I’m ensuring you’re the first one. Drifting away from the thought, I prayed that Cheln, on the other hand, would be more reasonable than his militaristic counterpart.
Speaking of Cheln, I wonder how he’s doing—and now he’s frozen in place. Wonderful. This is absolutely what I need right now. I hope that the humans would just pass this off as standard Venlil behavior and not just begging to get out of here…
Hearing the clanking of the human ship’s ramp hitting the floor, all three of us snapped out of whatever fear lingering thoughts that poisoned our minds. Unexpectantly, I was slightly shoved forward, Kam and Cheln hiding behind me as they peeked over my shoulders.
Ohpleasedontdothistome! I could feel my eyes watering, unable to control my prey instincts as one simple goal came: live. But that couldn't happen; I had to do this for Venkind. Sighing, I wiped my tears away. My voice, once again, was trembling. “W-welcome! Welcome to V-venlil Prime!”
Looking up the ramp, heavy footsteps came—a pair. The one known as N-04H was the first to step down, followed by S-4R-4.
“Greetings,” the former began, its cold, metallic voice present as it descended the ramp. “The tactical advantage provided is in mass gratitude to us.”
Oh, it’s even bigger in person! Speh, why did I do this?! My heart throbbed at the sight of the predator, as all I ever wanted to do at the moment was to run away, but we, as Venlil, had to keep up a facade of strength. Predators thrived on the assertion of dominance, so I doubted they’d turn down a blatant challenge.
Both of these beasts stopped precisely in front of us, keeping a rather coordinated stance amongst each other.
“U-um… as you know, I-I’m Governor Tarva of Venlil Prime and these are–”
“General Kam of the Venlil Armed Forces and diplomatic advisor Cheln,” the human interrupted. How did it know?! Was it listening to us from afar?! Spehspehspeh! How much can they do?!
“H-how did you know our names?” Kam interjected, his tail tucked in between his legs, quite visibly fearful of the thing already knowing his name.
It slowly moved its head to directly face Kam, staring him down with its disgusting forward-facing eyes. This caused the general to let out a small squeak in fear, contrasting his earlier hostile attitude.
It remained silent as if it was a machine going through possible responses to hide its knowledge before finally speaking, “You look like a Kam.”
What the speh is that supposed to mean?!
A thud sounded beside me, which I realized was Cheln hitting the pavement. My diplomatic advisor fainting was not a good look, I knew that. Even Kam had his ears pressed against his head, earlier bluster forgotten.
Both predators didn’t react, ignoring the fact that there was an easy meal right in front of them. By then, I knew that humans reveled in the thrill of the hunt, refusing to accept such simplicity. They wanted us to run, fleeing for our lives as they tore us apart one by one, joyed by the cruelty they so exerted.
They knew we were afraid, and they knew that we knew that. It was obvious the human thought we should abandon Cheln, rather than allow weakness to tarnish the gene pool.
Kam knelt by Cheln’s side, trying to rouse him. Given that the nurturing trait stemmed from compassion, that wasn’t the sort of behavior to exhibit in front of predators either. I had to nip this conduct in the bud, or else the primates would think it was commonplace. That answered what I should do, but how could I leave a man to die in the cold? How could I chastise my general for basic empathy? That level of cruelty was beyond my sensibilities.
“You are afraid.” N-04H stated, “Do our large presence pose an instinctual threat, contributed by an unfamiliarity to the unknown? We are likely the first extraterrestrial life you encountered, correct?”
What... That’s why they think we’re afraid? Um… yeah, I think we can recover from this…
“Y-yeah!” I exclaimed, “T-that’s why! You’re practically the first species not from Venlil Prime to set foot here! Um.. please pardon us for our fearful attitude…”
“You are pardoned.” It said bluntly. Gazing at Cheln, it marched on over him, kneeling beside Kam. “Allow me to assist.”
“You’ve done enough, monster!” Kam spat.
“Allow me to assist.”
“No! I am not letting you–”
“That was not a request.” N-04H interrupted, for the first time, displaying emotion. And it wasn’t kindness like us prey. It was a predatory tone, the fleshy mask of theirs slowly slipping, uncovering whatever true beasts they so had hidden.
The tone had made Kam flinch back, fear overtaking his protectiveness. He had begrudgingly stepped back, covering his eyes and ears as he expected poor Cheln to be a meal.
“Thank you,” the human said, slowly picking up Cheln with ease, with no indication of him even weighing anything. It gave its attention to me, brown eyes meeting mine. I froze, inspecting the hellish landscape that protruded in its eyes, a faint red glow displaying its desire to consume.
I could see Venlil Prime being nothing but a mere wasteland, the innocent inhabitants long gone as they became slaves to the predators' hunger. Children separated from their parents as they became livestock to the eventual horrors.
The Federation must stop them; we have to exterminate Earth before they exterminate us. For now, we all had to play along with the game presented.
“W-would a tour be nice for you two?” I squeaked.
It looked around the area, scanning everything in sight. At this point, a tour would be meaningless if it weren’t for the fact that it would stall them long enough for a fleet to arrive.
“A tour would be of utmost importance to us.” Great… Just great…

Neal let it slip out on Handler's Cast that Trevor Noah just did The Blocks podcast. will it be this week? Who knows....
Literally cannot wait.
Fun fact- My parents think my crush on Neal is just a place holder for Noah... they're gonna be stoked!

After Southgate leaves in the Summer following the euros. I don’t care that he’s German. He worked in England with a plethora of English talent at Chelsea. And now Kane and Dier at Bayern.
He thrives in tournament/knockout football as we’ve seen not only this season but as well at Chelsea when he won the competition.
And I just personally really like him and his attitude. Always have.
Thoughts?

New Chapter on every MWF (Monday, Wednesday,Friday)
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Chapter 19: Four-Legged
Gribble's bare feet pounded against the wet ground, splashing through puddles and squelching in the mud. His heart thundered in his chest, threatening to burst out of his ribcage with every frantic beat. The dark, damp forest closed in around him, the trees looming like silent sentinels in the gloom. Above, the sky rumbled ominously, the sound echoing through the woods like a warning.
Raindrops pattered against the leaves overhead, the light drizzle gradually soaking through Gribble's clothes and mingling with the sweat that beaded on his skin. He gulped in lungfuls of air, the earthy scent of the forest filling his nostrils - the petrichor of rain on soil, the green aroma of the trees, the musty odor of decaying leaves underfoot. In another time, another place, it might have been a comforting smell. But here, now, with danger nipping at his heels, it was little more than a fleeting distraction from the terror that consumed him.
"Gotta keep going," he panted, his voice barely a whisper. "Can't let them catch me."
The goblins and trolls were hot on his heels, and Gribble knew he couldn't afford to slow down. The forest was his only chance to escape, and he was determined to make it count. He pushed himself harder, ignoring the burning in his lungs and the ache in his muscles.
The heavens opened up, unleashing a torrential downpour that battered against the forest canopy. Fat droplets burst through the leaves, pelting Gribble's skin like icy needles. His tattered clothes, already hanging off his lean frame in shreds, were drenched within seconds, the fabric clinging to his body like a second skin.
The deluge blurred his vision, reducing the world to a hazy mess of greens and grays. Gribble squinted against the rain, blinking rapidly to clear his eyes, but it was a losing battle. The path ahead disappeared, swallowed up by the murky gloom, and he stumbled blindly forward, his steps faltering on the slick, uneven ground.
But Gribble refused to let the storm halt his desperate flight. He gritted his teeth, determination burning in his chest like a flame, and pushed onward. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time, he forged ahead, his mind focused on a single, all-consuming goal: escape. Grimrock's forces were out there somewhere, searching for him, hunting him like a fox before the hounds. He couldn't let them catch him. He wouldn't.
So he ran, and he kept running, even as the rain pounded against his back and the wind howled in his ears. He ran until his lungs burned and his muscles screamed in protest, until the forest was a blur of green and brown around him. He ran, and he didn't stop.
"Come on, Gribble," he urged himself. "You can do this. Just keep moving."
The rain was a mixed blessing. On the one hand, it helped to cover his tracks and hide his scent. But on the other hand, it made the ground slippery and treacherous. Gribble lost his footing more than once, catching himself just in time to avoid a nasty fall.
Suddenly, a flash of lightning lit up the forest, and Gribble saw something that made his heart leap with hope. There, in the side of a nearby hill, was a dark opening - a cave that could offer him shelter from the storm.
"A cave!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide. "Maybe I can hide in there, just for a little while."
He hesitated for a moment, wondering if the cave might be dangerous. But another crack of thunder made up his mind for him. He couldn't stay out in the open, not with the storm getting worse and his enemies getting closer. The cave was a risk he had to take.
Gribble scrambled towards the cave, his heart pounding in his ears as the thunder crashed around him. The rain pelted his face, making it hard to see, but he didn't let that stop him. He slipped and slid on the wet ground, nearly losing his balance several times.
"Almost there," he panted, his eyes fixed on the cave's entrance. "Just a little further."
The mouth of the cave loomed ahead of him, a dark and forbidding hole in the hillside. Gribble's mind raced with thoughts of what might be waiting for him inside, but he pushed them aside. Whatever the cave held, it couldn't be worse than what was behind him. His lungs burned and his muscles screamed in protest, but he refused to slow down. He was so close to safety, so close to a moment's rest.
As he reached the cave's entrance, Gribble paused for a moment, peering into the darkness. It seemed empty, and he knew he had no choice but to go inside. The sound of the rain and thunder faded as he stepped over the threshold, replaced by an eerie stillness. Gribble blinked, trying to adjust to the sudden change in light.
"Hello?" he called out, his voice echoing off the cave walls. "Is anyone there?"
Only silence answered him, and Gribble let out a sigh of relief. He was alone, at least for now.
His heart was still racing, and he took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He knew he couldn't let his guard down, not even for a moment, but the relief of being out of the storm was overwhelming.
Gribble stepped further into the cave, shivering from the cold and exhaustion. The sound of the rain and thunder became muffled, and he allowed himself a moment to catch his breath, leaning against the damp stone wall. The rough surface scraped against his skin, but he barely noticed. His mind was swirling with emotions - fear, relief, desperation, and a tiny spark of hope.
"I can't believe I made it," he whispered, his voice trembling. "I thought for sure they were going to catch me."
He knew he couldn't stay in the cave forever, but for now, it was the closest thing to safety he'd known in a long time. He closed his eyes, letting the coolness of the stone seep into his skin, grounding him in the present moment.
As his eyes adjusted to the dim light, Gribble took a look around the cave. It was small but deep, with a low ceiling and narrow passages leading further into the hillside. The floor was uneven, with loose rocks and pebbles scattered about. He could make out the faint shapes of stalactites hanging from the ceiling, their tips glistening with moisture.
"Wow," Gribble breathed, his eyes wide with wonder. "I've never seen anything like this before."
The air was heavy with the scent of damp earth and something else, something Gribble couldn't quite identify. He shivered, pulling his tattered clothes tighter around himself. The cave may have provided shelter from the storm, but it was far from comfortable. Gribble knew he'd have to keep moving soon, but for now, he allowed himself a moment to rest and gather his strength.
Just as he was starting to relax, Gribble saw a flicker of movement out of the corner of his eye. At the mouth of the cave, a dark, shadowy figure appeared. Gribble's heart leapt into his throat, and he froze, his body going rigid with fear.
"Who's there?" he called out, his voice shaking. "Show yourself!"
He squinted, trying to make out more details, but the figure was backlit by the dim light from the entrance, making it impossible to see clearly. Gribble's mind raced with possibilities. Was it another goblin? A troll? Something even worse? He held his breath, not daring to make a sound. The figure didn't seem to have noticed him yet, but Gribble knew that could change at any moment. He cursed silently, realizing that his moment of rest may have just put him in even greater danger.
As Gribble watched, his heart pounding, he realized that the figure was crawling on four legs, moving with a predatory grace that sent a chill down his spine. It was unlike anything he had ever seen before, and a sense of dread washed over him. He could hear the faint click of claws against stone, and he shuddered, realizing that whatever this thing was, it wasn't friendly.
"Oh no," Gribble whispered, his eyes wide with fear. "What is that thing?"
His mind raced, trying to come up with a plan, but he was trapped in the cave with nowhere to run. Gribble's body was tired and he didn't think he had the strength to summon the vines, and he knew he was no match for the creature in terms of strength or speed. His only hope was to stay still and silent, praying that the figure would pass him by.
Gribble pressed himself against the cave wall, hardly daring to breathe as he watched the mysterious creature make its way into the cave. Its eyes glinted in the darkness, reflecting the dim light from the entrance. Gribble's heart was pounding so hard he was sure the creature must be able to hear it, but he didn't dare move.
"Please don't see me," he prayed silently, his hands trembling. "Please just go away."
The figure paused, its head swiveling from side to side as if searching for something. Gribble held his breath, his body trembling with the effort of staying still. The creature took another step forward, and Gribble could see the outline of its muscular body, the way its shoulders rippled with each movement. He closed his eyes, silently begging for the creature to go away, to leave him alone. But deep down, Gribble knew that his luck had run out. Whatever happened next, he was on his own.
Trapped in the cave with nowhere to run, Gribble's mind raced as he tried to come up with a plan. He knew he was no match for the creature in terms of strength or speed, and he was too exhausted to summon any powers. His eyes darted around, searching for anything he could use as a weapon or a means of escape. But the cave was empty, with nothing but rocks and shadows.
"Think, Gribble, think," he muttered to himself, his brow furrowed in concentration. "There's got to be a way out of this."
He cursed his own foolishness for not being more prepared, for not having a backup plan. He'd always relied on his wits and his powers to get him out of trouble, but now, faced with an unknown enemy in an unfamiliar place, Gribble realized just how vulnerable he truly was. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves. He knew he couldn't give up, not after everything he'd been through. Gribble steeled himself, ready to fight or flee, whatever it took to survive.
As the silhouetted figure drew closer, Gribble's heart pounded frantically in his chest. He held his breath, hoping against hope that the creature hadn't noticed him yet. His mind was reeling, trying to find a way out of this terrifying situation, but deep down, he knew that his options were limited.
"Come on, Gribble," he whispered to himself, his fists clenched at his sides. "You can do this. You've faced worse than this before."
The figure was almost upon him now, and Gribble could see the glint of teeth in the darkness, the flash of claws against stone. He braced himself, ready for the attack, ready for the pain and the fear and the desperate struggle for survival. But even as he faced this new threat, Gribble felt a flicker of something else, something he hadn't felt in a long time: hope.
"I've survived the dungeon, the goblins, and the trolls," Gribble said aloud, his voice growing stronger with each word. "I've fought my way through the storm and the forest. And now, faced with yet another challenge, I know that I have the strength to keep going, to keep fighting, no matter what."
He may be small, but he wasn't alone. The cave, the forest, the earth itself - they were all on his side, all part of the same unbreakable will that drove him forward. And with that knowledge, Gribble faced the silhouetted figure, ready for whatever came next.
"Bring it on," Gribble said, his eyes narrowing with determination. "I'm not going down without a fight."
The creature took another step forward, its claws scraping against the stone. Gribble tensed, every muscle in his body coiled and ready to spring into action. He didn't know what was going to happen next, but he knew one thing for sure: he wasn't going to give up. Not now, not ever.