Hello Felllow ape,
It's rare that I post a low effort news post, but here it is.
https://www.modernhealthcare.com/insurance/aetna-humana-expect-medicare-advantage-membership-losses-2025
This is just another confirmation of what we have been talking about in the past months with our DDs and how large companies are in trouble with their decreasing margins. This is the exact same shit that OSCR did when it left California. In regions that these companies sucks at managed care, they will abandon and retreat.
For those of you who are interested in CLOV, back in Q42023 earning call, this was what they were talking about in terms of opportunistic financing. If these companies retreat, it will allow CLOV to come in and pick up these new members and do an easy growth instead of trying to steal members from these larger companies.

I just had my first TMS session last night. It wasn't bad except for a random, sharp pain through my left eye brow and a bit of my cheek bone every time the treatment was active. The tech and doctor both tried to adjust the coil, etc, but it made no difference; they said they literally had never heard of or seen anyone experience this.
I'm thinking it might have to do with being on Medical Medium protocols if anyone is familiar (if not, that's cool! Not for everyone and a bit controversial but I'm at the try anything and everything point). I know MM is not a fan of TMS himself but (see previous parenthetical reference). I'm wondering if it has to do with heavy metal (very micro amounts mind you) drainage due to protocols via the Cavernous and Opthalmic drainage systems (I realize how odd this may sound) and the effect of TMS. Anyone been on MM protocols and tried TMS?

I’m looking for a fic I read on AO3 and I didn’t bookmark it and I can’t remember the name. I searched through my history with no luck. I wonder if the author deleted it 🥺
Here are all the details I can immediately recall:
Hermione is the minister and she uses her political power to set Draco free when he expects to get the kiss, but he has to live as a muggle and of course doesn’t have a wand.
Draco meets a muggle guy at a bar and ends up becoming flatmates with him and another guy.
Draco sits with an old lady who has Alzheimer’s and periodically thinks Draco is her husband. He plays along when it happens
Hermione ends up having sex with the roommate of Draco’s that he had met in the bar and she ends up obliviating herself from his memory.
There’s a new threat and Hermione asks Draco to infiltrate the group and she gives him an insane black market wand. He does as she asks but she doesn’t hear from him for months. He killed the leader and polyjuiced as him almost the entire time he was away. He brings them to the ministry during a gala or something like that and Draco kills all the followers.
Draco has what appears to be mental issues, but it’s something darker than that. Kind of like dementors, but not that… they follow him around and it doesn’t bode well for his mental state.
Draco finds a 3 year old a boy named Leo by the lions at the zoo that had been abandoned. Hermione had gone to the bathroom and Draco is asking what his mother looks like and when he sees Hermione, he points to her.
Draco performs magic in front of Leo. Like making a 3 story slide and tent type thing.
Draco loves Leo and Hermione can’t bond with the little boy. Hermione goes into the boy’s memories and he was neglected and the mother was on drugs and the father was abusive to the mom (I think) and the mom ends up killing the dad and she’s the one who took Leo to the zoo and left him there. Draco is extremely protective of Leo.
Ron is NOT a good person and ends up with the R word carved into his forehead by Draco with the wand Hermione had given him after he does something horrible to her while Draco was out walking with Leo and comes back when it’s happening.
Harry and Ron are both Aurors and Ron is suspended after what happens.
Draco ends up wiping the boy’s memory of all magic and him and Hermione and calls to have the boy picked up and placed with a loving family. He did it for Hermione, but she thought he wiped out the painful things the boy experienced, which she knows will make him into who he is supposed to be, just like all of it made Draco into who he was.
The old lady that Draco sits with is actually a witch (a Hufflepuff I think and her husband was pretty much how Draco was to Hermione at Hogwarts) and she knows what’s actually wrong with Draco and she has to do some memory magic to help get rid of them and she accidentally completely wipes Hermione out of his mind in the process.
Hermione is pregnant and for some reason Draco goes to the hospital I think the old lady told him to go and talks to Ron outside after being inside and asks who Hermione had been with or something like that… and at some point Ron lifts up his hair that he grew out to cover what Draco carved into his forehead and told him that he was the one who did that.
The ending is in Hermione’s minister office and her secretary is a muggle and she says she tried to keep them from coming in just as Draco and their children come running in to Hermione’s office.
I hope that’s enough to help it be recognized! I think it was from like 2010-2015…

TL;DR: New relationship with an exchange student who’s giving mixed signals. She’s referred to me as her boyfriend and even said she loved me, but her actions are inconsistent. Unsure about her feelings and where we stand.
I’ve (27M) been dating my girlfriend (24F), an exchange student, for five weeks. We met at a student event and hit it off. She’s leaving in four months, and I’m trying to understand our relationship better.
Initially, when discussing our relationship status, she suggested we “wait and see.” However, she soon started calling me her boyfriend to her friends and even said she loved me, only to brush it off as “instinct”. I didn’t say it back but broached the subject later that night, and she mentioned that she felt that way about me but would say it again when she felt like it. I haven’t pressed the issue since, but it left me confused.
She doesn’t show much interest in getting to know me, rarely asks questions, and is slow to respond to texts. In person, things are slightly better, but there’s a language barrier since she’s from Turkey.
Our interactions are mostly in group settings, and she often speaks her native language, which isolates half of our friends in the group including myself. I’m the one initiating plans and expressing the desire to see her. We haven’t been intimate yet, and she’s uncomfortable with new people sleeping over regardless whether it’s platonic or not, though she made an exception for a friend recently.
I’m at a loss about her past, her feelings for me, and the direction of our relationship. Whenever I try to learn more, she says I’m too serious or ask too many questions. There’s no erratic behavior, just a constant state of confusion on my end.
Has anyone else experienced receiving mixed signals like being called a boyfriend/girlfriend and even an ‘I love you’ early in the relationship, only to have those statements downplayed later? How did you handle it?
Is it common to feel like you’re the only one initiating conversations and making plans in a new relationship? How can I encourage my partner to take more initiative?
How can I have an open conversation with my girlfriend about where our relationship is heading without making her feel pressured?

Off late I feel so left out of blessings or perhaps let me say nothing great is happening or has happened to me in a while.
I haven't lost all hope but I am just complacent that nothing amazing happens to me and perhaps God is tending to other people or he is ignoring me ...or maybe I'm just not praying or listening to worship music.
Basically he has sidelined me...and I'm beginning to be okay with that however painful it is.
I'm just also wondering if maybe the Guardian Angel assigned to me was fired ....or something must have happened to them because damnnn can a girl get some great amazing news ...some answered prayers...some joy and pockets of sunshine.
I've been sitting in darkness for years

Hiya, quick question. I’ve lived with my grandfather since 2011, and he’s lived in this home since then.
Our landlord is his childhood friend, and the house we live in is the one his grandmother used to, however when we moved in it was a wreck.
There was no flooring installed, so you could see straight into the basement, the walls were unfinished, stairs not done, roof was leaking. The whole works.
My grandfather did his best back then despite being ill, and repaired all of that himself, using his own money. The consensus was “if you can repair it, you can live there”
Well. Cut to now, our rent has increased slightly which is fine, but our rent is about £200 - £300 cheaper than 3 bed houses around us, which is great. Although our landlord popped around today and said he wants to increase it again, after having increased it in Nov.
Now, that’d be understandable if it was a 3 bed, fully functional house, but it’s not. My grandfather stopped doing repairs in 2018 after he had a heart attack and was diagnosed with a heart condition. Landlord would cheap out on repairs, saying that they weren’t necessary. Here’s a list of what’s wrong with the house.

• Roof leaks when it rains, middle bedroom takes the main brunt of this and is unusable because of this. Mold has also been growing that we’ve been telling him about, he said it’s not his problem.
  
• Stairs are no longer safe. You risk slipping through when going down, when my grandfather got sick we had handrails installed so he can be safe (our own money) and all we asked was that the stairs be done as well, he refused.
  
• The plastering and ceiling is shoddy and moldy. My grandfather did what he could in 2011, but it was always just a placeholder, landlord initially said he’d take care of it later on, still hasn’t.
  
• Front door doesn’t close properly. During the summer the door frame swells and it doesn’t lock properly, grandfather has changed the lock a couple of times, it’s the frame, landlord refuses again.
  
• My grandfather had to move into the front living room (was unused anyway) and turn it into a bedroom instead since going upstairs is difficult. The front window is literally coming off its hinges. The entire front wall is slowly disconnecting from the front of the house.
  
• The back garden wasn’t even accessible until late last year. The basement leads into the back garden, but a door wasn’t made, so it was all walled off. There’s a door in the kitchen that was supposed to lead to a fire escape, but they removed that, so it’s literally a huge drop into the back garden.
  

Now my grandfather doesn’t work, he’s disabled, I work in the civil service so I make decent money, but I feel like it’s a bit rediculous to increase the rent when the house is barely liveable as it is.
Ideally we didn’t want to move, especially since my goal is to also move out and live independently (I’m 20). But with the rent increase I’m not sure that’s possible, since my grandfather wouldn’t be able to afford it by himself. (Current price he can, it’s just a bit stretched)
Any advice? Do we just cut our losses and leave? My grandfather really doesn’t want to move since he’s lived here so long, he’s great friends with all of the neighbours, and he’s sentimental about the work he’s done for the house. But at this point I’m not sure what’s left.
Edit to add: We are in Wales.

22F, 110 pounds/50 kgs and 5'7 or 170 cm
I woke up on Monday morning unable to bear weight on my left leg without high amounts of pain. I dont recall any type of injurty.
Went to urgent care in the afternoon. Doctor took a look, no X rays, just said it was a sprain and was given a topical painkiller and anti inflammatory for the swelling. I did not receive crutches
Now it's swollen, it's in more and more pain. The swelling has increased. I don't have much of a choice but to be moving since I need to get to my classes at university.
I'm at a loss as to what is wrong.
Attached is the imgur link showing my feet now and the cream I received.
After limping around, I'm basically sitting down and almost crying from the intense pain.
I don't know if i need to go to the ER or something
https://imgur.com/a/oFrqVLi

Hello, hope you all are well. Thank you for taking the time to read.
I’m a 28F, only meds are oral vitamin D and topical tretinoin on the face. Only major medical history is a benign phyllodes tumor removed from my left breast, chronic back/joint pain and chronic/frequent migraine (~3-5 a week).
My main complaint is this lesion spotted on my elbow. Noticed yesterday so no known changes. It isn’t raised. Non-painful and not itchy. No immediate family history of skin cancer. I have lived in high risk areas all my life (Australia and Florida). I wear sunscreen on my arms when outside for long periods but not religiously everyday.
I have a derm appointment scheduled in a little over a month but just want to know if I should try to get in sooner. Thanks again!
https://imgur.com/a/GZaDcMb

So i posted yesterday, I've been twitching in my right bicep area for about a week and today i noticed clear loss of fullness of bicep near the arm forearm crease. Atleast as compared to left side. Over past month or so I felt like I'm dropping things and my grip is weak as usual i just assumed anxiety, but this is new.. Is it possible to loose muscle without much change in daily work? I heard usually als twitching occurs after muscle loss so I'm very scared.

My soul dog crossed the rainbow bridge in Febuary. I had other dogs in the past, but never had such a strong bond with them. I'm still affected by this loss. It doesn't help that he was a bernese and they are really common around here. Everytime I see one on walks, my heart breaks reminding me that I'll never take mine on walks ever again.
My partner and I are in the process of buying a house with a big backyard in a rural area and I've been thinking about getting another dog, but I'm scared. I'm scared I'm subconsciously trying to replace my dog to fill the void he left, that I'll put to much pressure on the new pup to be like my dog. I even told my BF I don't want another Bernese, because I'm affraid I'll see my beloved Balou everytime I'll look at him, just to be reminded that it's not him and never will be.
The new pup wouldn't deserve that. I'd feel bad for him if I end up not loving him as much as my late dog. Maybe it's a sign it's too early for me to adopt a new dog? At the same time a part of me feel like it would help me move on. I'm not sure.

DAY: MAY 14, 2024

• 5-14-2024TEXT MESSAGES WITH FINANCIAL INCENTIVES CAN HELP MEN WHO ARE LIVING WITH OBESITY LOSE WEIGHT, UK STUDY FINDS text messages with financial incentives can help men who are living with obesity lose weight and could be a valuable alternative to traditional weight management programs. Men who were offered cash for hitting weight loss targets lost more weight than those not given a financial incentive,
• 5-14-2024TECH ALONE CAN’T REPLACE HUMAN COACHES IN OBESITY TREATMENT, STUDY FINDS technology alone can’t replace the human touch to produce meaningful weight loss in obesity treatment. The study, titled “An Adaptive Behavioral Intervention for Weight Loss Management: A Noninferiority Randomized Clinical Trial,” . “Giving people technology alone for the initial phase of obesity treatment produces unacceptably worse weight loss than giving them treatment that combines technology with a human coach
• 5-14-2024ULTRASOUND CAN HELP PATIENTS WITH A TYPE OF RHEUMATIC DISEASE LEAD LONGER AND HEALTHIER LIVES ultrasound can help patients with a type of rheumatic disease to live longer and healthier lives. These patients have so far had an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, which contributes to premature death. Patients with a type of rheumatic disease called radiographic axial spondyloarthritis, a disease that causes changes in the bones in the pelvis and spine, have poorer health quality of life than control subjects.
• 5-14-2024SCIENTISTS FIND REPEATED, SMALL HITS TO HEAD IN FOOTBALL PLAYERS CAN DAMAGE BLOOD VESSELS IN THE BRAIN The work involved specialized helmets that were used to monitor head impacts in 60 university football players. Credit: Dalhousie University Repeated blows to the heads of football players can damage the small blood vessels of the brain, according to research by Dalhousie University scientists from the Brain Repair Center who believe this damage may contribute to brain dysfunction in some athletes years after play has ended. The neuroscientists found that the brain’s blood vessels can get damaged by a succession of small hits
• 5-14-2024‘MICROPREEMIE’ BABY WHO WEIGHED JUST OVER 1 POUND AT BIRTH GOES HOME FROM ILLINOIS HOSPITAL Nyla was born at just 22 weeks weighing 1 pound and 1 ounce, making her what’s known as a “micropreemie.” She left Silver Cross Hospital on Monday weighing a healthy 10 pounds, and was taken home by her first-time parents
• 5-14-2024RESEARCHERS INVESTIGATE IF PHARMACOLOGICAL TREATMENT OF ADHD REDUCES CRIMINALITY pharmacological treatment of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) reduced violence- and public-order related crimes. However, it did not reduce other types of crimes, among patients with ADHD in early to late adolescence considered to be in the gray zone (or on the margin) for such treatment.
• 5-14-2024A NEW DRUG SHOWS POTENTIAL BENEFITS IN THE RECOVERY OF PATIENTS AFTER A HEART ATTACK beneficial effects of the novel drug Sacubitril/Valsartan in the management of myocardial infarction (MI). The research offers new insights into the drug’s ability to reduce inflammation, cardiac fibrosis, and prevent dangerous heart arrhythmias post-MI. Cardiovascular diseases, especially MI,
• 5-14-2024STUDY EXPLORES ROLE OF EPIGENETICS, ENVIRONMENT IN DIFFERING ALZHEIMER’S RISK BETWEEN BLACK AND WHITE COMMUNITIES environmentally caused alterations to specific areas of the genome—known as imprint control regions—during early development may contribute to the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease, and that Black people may be more affected than white people. The work adds to our understanding of the ways in which environmental factors can contribute to genetic alterations and disease susceptibility.
• 5-14-2024NEW AI TOOL IMPROVES RISK ASSESSMENT FOR HEART FAILURE CARE researchers have developed a powerful new risk assessment tool for predicting outcomes in heart failure patients. The researchers have made the tool publicly available for free to clinicians. The new tool improves on existing risk assessment tools for heart failure by harnessing the power of machine learning (ML) and artificial intelligence (AI) to determine patient-specific risks of developing unfavorable outcomes with heart failure.
• 5-14-2024FAR FROM TOXIC, LACTATE RIVALS GLUCOSE AS BODY’S MAJOR FUEL AFTER A CARBOHYDRATE MEAL A volunteer is monitored after being given a large dose of glucose to determine how well people switch from fat to carbohydrate metabolism as they age. In the tests at UC Berkeley, subjects had their blood monitored for labeled lactate and glucose, underwent periodic blood sampling, and had their breath monitored for oxygen and carbon dioxide.
• 5-14-2024STUDY EXPLORES WHAT MOTIVATES PRESCHOOLERS TO PREPARE FOR THE FUTURE Adults find it particularly easy to prepare for the future when they imagine how they will feel. Researchers at Ruhr University Bochum, Germany, have investigated whether this is also the case with preschoolers. The researchers conducted the study at the intersection of philosophy and psychology. They described their findings in the journal Emotion. Rehearsing for a school play, getting a present for a friend’s birthday and packing a book for a long car journey:
• 5-14-2024NEWLY IDENTIFIED PET BIOMARKER PREDICTS SUCCESS OF IMMUNE CHECKPOINT BLOCKADE THERAPY The protein galectin-1 (Gal-1) has been identified as a new PET imaging biomarker for immune checkpoint blockade (ICB) therapy, allowing physicians to predict the tumor responses before beginning treatment. Information garnered from Gal-1 PET imaging could also be used to facilitate patient stratification and optimize immunotherapy, enabling targeted interventions and improving patient outcomes. This research was published in the May issue of The Journal of Nuclear Medicine. Immunotherapies, such as ICB
• 5-14-2024STUDY FINDS AGE-ASSOCIATED GENE EXPRESSION CHANGES IN MOUSE SWEAT GLANDS
• 5-14-2024INJECTABLE HIV MEDICATION IS SUPERIOR TO ORAL MEDICATION FOR PATIENTS WHO FREQUENTLY MISS DOSES, STUDY FINDS
• 5-14-2024NEW CRYOPRESERVATION PROCEDURE ESTABLISHED TO PRESERVE FERTILITY BEFORE CANCER TREATMENT
• 5-14-2024CAN EATING OR DRINKING CAFFEINE BEFORE BED IMPACT YOUR HEALTH?
• 5-14-2024BRUXISM IS A RECURRING CONDITION AMONG PEOPLE WITH POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER, FINDS STUDY
• 5-14-2024EXERCISE BENEFITS THE BRAIN, BUT IMPROVING ITS BLOOD VESSELS MAY TAKE LONGER
• 5-14-2024SOCIAL ONLINE TRAINING CAN HELP AGAINST LONELINESS AND DEPRESSION
• 5-14-2024RESEARCHERS DETECT HIDDEN INGREDIENTS AND QUESTIONABLE CLAIMS IN SUPPLEMENTS
• 5-14-2024RESEARCH LINKS SLEEP APNEA SEVERITY DURING REM STAGE TO VERBAL MEMORY DECLINE
• 5-14-2024SEVERE OBESITY IN CHILDHOOD CAN HALVE LIFE EXPECTANCY, GLOBAL MODELING STUDY FINDS
• 5-14-2024COEXISTENCE OF PSORIATIC ARTHRITIS, ATOPIC DERMATITIS MAY OFFER TREATMENT INSIGHTS
• 5-14-2024MEN WITH LOW TESTOSTERONE LEVELS MAY BE AT INCREASED RISK OF DYING PREMATURELY
• 5-14-2024CONGENITAL ANOMALIES FOUND TO BE TEN TIMES MORE FREQUENT IN CHILDREN WITH NEURODEVELOPMENTAL DISORDERS
• 5-14-2024RESEARCHERS REVEAL HOW LIPOPOLYSACCHARIDE BINDING PROTEIN RESISTS HEPATIC OXIDATIVE STRESS
• 5-14-2024STEM CELLS PROVIDE NEW INSIGHT INTO GENETIC PATHWAY OF CHILDHOOD CANCER
• 5-14-2024SAN FRANCISCO SET TO BAN ‘FOREVER CHEMICALS’ IN FIREFIGHTER GEAR
• 5-14-2024AN NRL PLAYER DIED AT TRAINING DUE TO EXERTIONAL HEAT STROKE. WHAT IS IT AND WHAT SHOULD COACHES AND ATHLETES KNOW?
• 5-14-2024FIVE CHARTS ON THE GLOBAL SUCCESS OF VACCINES
• 5-14-2024KIDS LIVING NEAR COLORADO AIRPORTS HAVE SLIGHTLY ELEVATED LEVELS OF LEAD IN THEIR BLOOD, NEW STUDY FINDS
• 5-14-2024STUDY SHOWS VIRUS THAT CAUSES COVID-19 CAN PENETRATE BLOOD-RETINAL-BARRIER AND COULD DAMAGE VISION
• 5-14-2024HOW BIG FOOD COMPANIES CAN DO MORE TO CREATE HEALTHIER FOOD ENVIRONMENTS
• 5-14-2024PROMISING NEW STUDY COULD LEAD TO A REDUCTION IN SYMPTOMS OF AMYOTROPHIC LATERAL SCLEROSIS
• 5-14-2024PELVIC HEALTH PROBLEMS ARE A COMMON EXPERIENCE FOR WOMEN—WHY MANY DON’T GET THE HELP THEY NEED
• 5-14-2024NEW RESEARCH PRESENTS ‘MINI-BRAINS’ THAT COULD ADVANCE ALZHEIMER’S TREATMENT
• 5-14-2024STUDY SHOWS HOW EXCESSIVE DRINKING AFFECTS OTHERS
• 5-14-2024NEW TRANSIT STATION IN JAPAN SIGNIFICANTLY REDUCES CUMULATIVE HEALTH EXPENDITURES
• 5-14-2024BINGE DRINKING IS A GROWING PUBLIC HEALTH CRISIS—HOW RESEARCH ON ALCOHOL USE DISORDER HAS SHIFTED
• 5-14-2024WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM INTERVIEWING HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WHO HARM THEMSELVES
• 5-14-2024STUDY REVEALS RACIAL DISPARITIES IN DIAGNOSIS AND DRUG USE FOR DEMENTIA SYMPTOMS
• 5-14-2024PEOPLE WITHOUT AN INNER VOICE HAVE POORER VERBAL MEMORY, FINDS STUDY
• 5-14-2024CONCUSSION EXPERTS WARN TERM USED TO DESCRIBE HEAD IMPACTS—’SUBCONCUSSION’—IS MISLEADING AND DANGEROUS
• 5-14-2024STUDY UNCOVERS PROTEIN INTERACTIONS AS A POTENTIAL PATH FOR ALS CURE
• 5-14-2024HOW BITTER FOOD CONSTITUENTS INFLUENCE GASTRIC ACID PRODUCTION
• 5-14-2024ADIPOSITY IN CHILDHOOD AFFECTS THE RISK OF BREAST CANCER BY CHANGING BREAST TISSUE COMPOSITION, STUDY SUGGESTS
• 5-14-2024COLD PLUNGING MIGHT HELP HEART HEALTH, RESEARCH SUGGESTS
• 5-14-2024STUDY EXPLORES POTENTIAL TARGET TO TREAT LIVER DISEASE
• 5-14-2024THROUGH TRADITION AND TRADE, TRIBE IN RURAL KANSAS WORKS TO RECLAIM ITS FOOD SOVEREIGNTY
• 5-14-2024UK SAYS PROPOSED PANDEMIC TREATY ‘NOT ACCEPTABLE’
• 5-14-2024BODY-WIDE MOLECULAR MAP EXPLAINS WHY EXERCISE IS SO GOOD FOR YOU
• 5-14-2024FIRST STUDY TO GLOBALLY MAP HEAT-WAVE-RELATED MORTALITY FINDS 153,000+ DEATHS ASSOCIATED WITH HEAT WAVES
• 5-14-2024EARLY DIAGNOSIS, TREATMENT OF PERIPHERAL ARTERY DISEASE ESSENTIAL TO IMPROVE OUTCOMES, REDUCE AMPUTATION RISK
• 5-14-2024ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE TOOL DETECTS SEX-RELATED DIFFERENCES IN BRAIN STRUCTURE
• 5-14-2024OVER 20,000 PEOPLE JOIN UK SEARCH FOR NEW DEMENTIA TREATMENTS
• 5-14-2024A MINIMAL COGNITIVE ARCHITECTURE REPRODUCES CONTROL OF HUMAN DECISION-MAKING PROCESSES
• 5-14-2024SCIENTISTS DEMYSTIFY WHY SUBSEQUENT BOUTS OF DENGUE ARE WORSE THAN A FIRST-TIME INFECTION
• 5-14-2024BRAIN–COMPUTER INTERFACE EXPERIMENTS FIRST TO DECODE WORDS ‘SPOKEN’ ENTIRELY IN THE BRAIN IN REAL TIME
• 5-14-2024MACHINE LEARNING SHEDS LIGHT ON GENE TRANSCRIPTION
• 5-14-2024WILL AI REPLACE DOCTORS WHO READ X-RAYS, OR JUST MAKE THEM BETTER THAN EVER?
• 5-14-2024SURVEY FINDS 8,000 WOMEN A MONTH GOT ABORTION PILLS DESPITE THEIR STATES’ BANS OR RESTRICTIONS
• 5-14-2024SCIENTISTS DISCOVER SURPRISING DETAILS ABOUT XYLAZINE IN COMBINATION WITH FENTANYL
• 5-14-2024NEW RESEARCH CHALLENGES WIDESPREAD BELIEFS ABOUT WHY WE’RE ATTRACTED TO CERTAIN VOICES
• 5-14-2024ADDING CARDIOVASCULAR BIOMARKERS TO ESTABLISHED RISK FACTORS INCREASES RISK PREDICTION
• 5-14-2024DREAMING IS LINKED TO IMPROVED MEMORY CONSOLIDATION AND EMOTION REGULATION
• 5-14-2024STUDY IDENTIFIES GENETIC LINK BETWEEN INFLAMMATORY BOWEL DISEASE AND PARKINSON’S DISEASE
• 5-14-2024PHYSICIANS WITH DISABILITIES MAY EXPERIENCE DEPERSONALIZATION
• 5-14-2024ANALYSIS SUGGESTS PEOPLE WITH MORE COPIES OF RIBOSOMAL DNA HAVE HIGHER RISKS OF DEVELOPING DISEASE
• 5-14-2024STUDY IDENTIFIES FACTORS ASSOCIATED WITH HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE RETINOPATHY
• 5-14-2024STUDY REVEALS MIXED PUBLIC OPINION ON POLYGENIC EMBRYO SCREENING FOR IVF
• 5-14-2024‘MUSIC MAP’ REVEALS SOME BRAIN CELLS AGE FASTER AND ARE MORE PREVALENT IN ALZHEIMER’S
• 5-14-2024STUDY FINDS SOME CHILDREN WERE PRESCRIBED NONRECOMMENDED MEDS FOR COVID-19
• 5-14-2024COULD BEING ONLINE ACTUALLY BE GOOD FOR YOU? NEW STUDY REVEALS A SURPRISING FINDING
• 5-14-2024NEW RESEARCH IDENTIFIES A LARGER POOL OF GENES INVOLVED IN AGE-RELATED BLOOD CELL MUTATIONS THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT
• 5-14-2024NEW DRUG MAKES EXERCISE, EVERYDAY TASKS EASIER FOR PEOPLE WITH COMMON HEART CONDITION
• 5-14-2024BREAST CANCER RISK VARIANTS IDENTIFIED FOR WOMEN OF AFRICAN ANCESTRY
• 5-14-2024NEW RESEARCH SHEDS LIGHT ON WHY COLLEGE STUDENTS IN MEXICO CHOOSE TO VAPE
• 5-14-2024NEW STUDY SHOWS RECOVERY POTENTIAL IN PATIENTS WITH TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY
• 5-14-2024AI AIDS ANALYSIS OF LIFETIME ENVIRONMENTAL EXPOSURES
• 5-14-2024NEW RESEARCH REVEALS URGENT NEED FOR INTEGRATED CARE IN PEDIATRIC EPILEPSY
• 5-14-2024HERPES CURE WITH GENE EDITING MAKES PROGRESS IN LABORATORY STUDIES
• 5-14-2024PATIENTS WITH NEUROLOGICAL DISEASE ARE LIKELIER TO DIE AFTER COVID, FINDS STUDY
• 5-14-2024RESEARCHERS PARTNER WITH CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL ON NEW HEART SURGERY PLANNING TOOL
• 5-14-2024AXONS IN FEMALE MAMMAL BRAINS MAY BE MORE PRONE TO CONCUSSIONS
• 5-14-2024STUDY SUPPORTS LOWER BMI THRESHOLD FOR OBESITY IN THOSE OVER AGE 40
• 5-14-2024FDA DISCUSSING BAN OF FORMALDEHYDE IN HAIR STRAIGHTENERS
• 5-14-2024NEW TOOL ALLOWS FOR GENE SUPPRESSION IN MOUSE HEART MUSCLE CELLS USING CRISPRI
• 5-14-2024NEW GENE THERAPY MODEL OFFERS HOPE FOR X-LINKED SIDEROBLASTIC ANEMIA TREATMENT
• 5-14-2024GIVING LESSONS TO YOUR TEENAGE SELF COULD BOOST YOUR WELL-BEING, SAY RESEARCHERS

37F. Breastfeeding.
Red spot, 2 cm? under Left nipple on the breast itself. Upon examination it may be a follicle because a tiny amount of white stuff came out when squeezed weeks ago but it does not have a head and does not look like a traditional zit or ingrown hair.
1 course of antibiotics. 1 week with cortisol cream. 4-5 weeks of no change. OB did not even examine it, spoke over me that "breast cancer is always deep in the breast" and "a mammogram won't show anything anyways because you're breastfeeding." No I am not making that up, those are direct quotes from the <5 minute appointment I made two weeks ago. She did not let me say that I've been breastfeeding for most of the last decade, and I know my breasts, I know mastitis, boob zits and normal pain/itch but this has had me with a one sided deep itch for weeks- and this may NOT be a bad thing but it is very definitely a DIFFERENT thing.
I'm headed to my PCP tomorrow. Not sure if there is bruising around it now or redness because im looking at it or if I'm just seeing shadows and my brain is working itself up.
What should I ask for, as far as testing or imaging or whatnot given the lactation? And can anyone give me encouragement because I'm the only stable parent for three young kids, and this feels scary?

so my gf who’s possibly BPD/NPD has been with me for over a year. six months into the relationship ,after a long honey moon phase, a friend of mine claimed he heard her speaking from a balcony near his place one night and that she was with two guys. he didn’t think much of it and couldn’t actually see her. I confronted her about this claim the day after and she denied it saying she never left home that night.
After this she slowly got distant until she completely ghosted me and left me hanging for almost 5 excruciating months, I was in so much pain during this cause I never got any closure and was torturing myself mentally. she re appeared at my place one night when i was finally feeling like I was healing and I took her back, she claimed to have been feeling depersonalized and that she was crying in bed and staring at a wall for most of this time.
I tried to be understanding but deep down I never forgave her for this and I never accepted that she was just in this bad state of mind and it wasn’t more personal or that some cheating was involved. I couldn’t get why she would put me through all that but I was willing to believe that she didn’t want to hurt me.
Here’s where I messed up, I tried to talk to her about my trust issues after this and she said she would be there for me but any discussion about it got quickly shut down and I could see it hurt her to talk about it, my feelings of distrust grew and I didn’t know how to talk about them. I saw she had a few chats with some guys I don’t know but there weren’t any messages (in one it was some guy asking her how she’s doing and she didn’t reply and in the other one she sent a hamster sticker but that’s all there was in the chat). anyway the problem was my doubts in her kept accumulating and I couldn’t figure out how to confront her until yesterday where I chose probably the worst time to.
yesterday she told me the story of how she caught her own mom cheating on her dad when she was 15 (through phone texts) and showed her dad the proof but they still stayed together till this day. I said something about how that must be a bad example for a child (cheating mom got no consequences for her actions, dad stayed despite the betrayal) and then told her how I felt like she must’ve found someone else and moved on from me back during the ghosting phase. (I admit this was probably the worst time to bring up my feelings but it felt like I could connect to the story) almost immediately she started to cry but seemed to decide not to. she said she would go to the bathroom but just got her stuff and came back and told me she’d be going out with a cold expression. it’s been 24 hours now and she hasn’t contacted me.
this whole thing has taken quite a toll on me, I started to think that I’m the one with BPD because of my trust issues, I don’t know if I’m out of touch and I should apologize for what I did or if I’m being manipulated. I guess it must hurt that I bring up these doubts after months of being back together and especially when she was telling me such a personal story. now I’m half expecting her to be gone again and it wouldn’t surprise me if she ghosts me again but I don’t know if texting her myself is a good idea. maybe I should just go NC

I have been dealing with kidney stones for about a decade starting when I was 18. I had a failed lithotripsy and successful mini pcnl over the past 4 weeks. They were able to remove the impacted 1.5cm stone from my left ureter. Oddly, I never felt any pain in my left side even though there was clearly inflammation. For the past three years or so I’d experienced pretty intense pain on my right side and just kind of gritted through it because I knew it was just stones. Nephrologist would let me know my kidney function was good every 6 months.
Since getting a stent, I started taking oxybutynin. This not only alleviated symptoms from the stent, but also eased the pain I was feeling in my right flank. Since there are no stones or blockages in my right ureter - proven by the imaging done before surgery - I had no idea what could be causing the pain until I found renal colic researching stones.
Has anyone experienced Renal Colic? And did Ditropan help with the symptoms. I have 7 small stones in my right kidney and am really hoping this medication could be a solution for me.

On Friday the 12th of June 2009, a man was spotted boarding a bus bound for Sligo from Derry/Londonderry in Northern Ireland. He was carrying a black shoulder bag and a generic luggage bag and just seemed like a normal tourist. He arrived in Sligo at approximately 6:30pm and took a taxi to the city hotel where he paid per night in cash for 3 nights. Upon checking in, he provided staff with the name 'Peter Bergmann' and an address that was something to the effect of "Ainstettersn 15, 4472, Vienna, Austria". Hotel staff stated he seemed of Germanic descent and spoke English with a thick German accent. He was a heavy smoker and was seen on CCTV leaving the hotel repeatedly to stand outside with a cigarette.
Throughout the course of his 3 night stay, he was captured leaving the hotel approximately 13 times, each time leaving with a purple plastic bag filled with unknown items and returning with no visible bag or items. Garda believe he was disposing of his personal belongings around Sligo but have never been able to locate any of the items he discarded. They stated that he had used the blind spots of cameras around the town to hide his movements and described his actions as "meticulous and methodical, as though he knew exactly how to dispose of anything that could identify him". A hotel worker stated that they had attempted to clean his room on one of the days but couldn't get a response after knocking. Upon entering, he appeared spooked and was described as "behaving like I'd caught him in the middle of doing something he shouldn't"
On Saturday the 13th, he was seen walking to Sligo post office where he purchased 8 stamps and airmail stickers at approximately 10:49am. The following day, Sunday 14th, he left the hotel at around 11-11:30am and asked a taxi driver for recommendations on a good beach that he could go swimming at. The driver suggested Rosses point and drove him there. It was reported that when the taxi arrived at the beach, Bergmann got out of the car, stood and stared for a short time before returning to the taxi, appearing content or satisfied.
He checked out of the hotel on Monday 15th at around 1pm and headed towards quayside shopping centre where he was seen standing awkwardly in the doorway for several minutes. Strangely, he was seen leaving the hotel with his black shoulder bag and purple plastic bag but an entirely different luggage bag. It is unclear where his original one went or where the new one came from. He was seen leaving quayside and walking towards the bus station at around 1:16pm. By the time he reached the bus station, he only had 2 of the 3 bags he was seen leaving the hotel with. At approximately 1:38pm, he ordered a ham and cheese toastie and a cappuccino from the bus station café. While he ate, he was recorded opening and closing a scrap of paper repeatedly before eventually ripping it up and disposing of it in a nearby bin. It was never recovered. At around 2:20pm he boarded a bus heading to Rosses point. It is believed that he was seen by 16-18 people on the beach that day over an 8 hour period. He was described as 'restless or anxious', pacing up and down the length of the beach repeatedly. It isn't known where his luggage or bags were at this point. He was last seen walking along the beach, alone, at 11:50pm.
His body was discovered the next morning at around 6:45am by a father and son who were out practicing for a triathlon. He was wearing purple Speedo trunks with his underwear over the top and a navy t-shirt tucked into them. Some of his clothes and belongings were found on the shore but it does not appear that his luggage or shoulder bag were ever recovered. The autopsy report concluded that he had died from cardiac arrest but that he had not drowned, despite being washed up. There were no signs of foul play either. Surprisingly, the autopsy also revealed that he had advanced stage prostate cancer, multiple bone tumours and ischaemic heart disease. There were absolutely no drugs in his system either, which would be expected of someone who was this sick. The medical examiner stated that due to these conditions, he would have been in significant and constant pain and would have required, at the very least, over the counter painkillers.
A five month investigation was launched but it was quickly revealed that both the name 'Peter Bergmann' and the address in Austria were fake. Nobody matching his appearance and name was missing anywhere in Europe, America or anywhere else and despite extensive investigation, the trail quickly went cold. He was eventually buried in an unmarked grave in Sligo. As of today, he has never been identified and nobody has ever come forward to state that they knew him. Even now, almost 15 years later, his case has left more questions than answers such as:
How did he enter Ireland?
There are absolutely no flight or ferry records with anyone using his alias and there was never any passports used with his image. It's as though he just appeared in the country.
Was cardiac arrest his intended death?
It's widely accepted that he was an old man who was terminally ill and wanted to go out on his own terms. However, did he intend to be found on the beach or was he hoping to drown and his body swept out to sea? His heart was damaged and showed signs of previous heart attacks. In addition, his health was very poor and the water in Sligo, at that time, was very cold. It's not at all impossible to believe that cold water shock induced cardiac arrest before he could wade out.
Why did he go to such extreme lengths to completely hide his identity?
Wanting to end things on your own terms isn't an uncommon notion but choosing to destroy every trace of your existence before doing so is and hasn't been explained. Why was he so adamant that nobody ever knew who he was or where he came from?
Sources:
https://www.irishtimes.com/ireland/2023/08/14/peter-bergmann-renewed-appeal-over-man-found-dead-on-sligo-beach-14-years-ago/
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Bergmann_case
https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/people/a-lonely-sligo-death-still-shrouded-in-mystery-1.4589709
https://m.independent.ie/irish-news/new-appeal-for-mystery-man-whose-body-was-found-on-sligo-beach-in-2009/41001932.html
https://youtu.be/bVOZ7YPOakI?si=wUBhrFkgw4_9JLNC

People must visit an Orthodontist in Naperville if they’ve any questions or problems related to teeth or gums. Issues such as toothache, gum bleeding, injury to teeth, and so on can create problems. So, there are numerous dental conditions that will make you book an appointment with a reliable orthodontist in Naperville.
Pain in teeth, gums, and mouth
Tooth pain can be caused by several factors, such as tooth decay, gums, and cavities. So, the orthodontist will help you identify the cause of discomfort and treatment that can provide your relief.
Don’t have confidence in smiling.
Many teeth-related problems can ruin your overall look, such as tooth loss, cavities, or crooked teeth. You need to visit a reliable orthodontist who can treat you and help you get your smile back. If you have teeth issues that are impacting your smile, then it is time to see an orthodontist. They can advise you on treatments such as cleaning, root canal therapy, and other orthodontic therapy.
Chewing difficulty
When you have difficulty with your feet while chewing the food, it could be because of your gums or teeth. Misalignment of crooked teeth can also impact your smile. So, you need to book an appointment with an expert orthodontist.
To sum up
These signs are important, and you must visit an orthodontist who can treat these dental problems. Book an appointment with Moravec Ortho if you’re having any of these dental issues.

Previous
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So, if you’re just joining us, I work at a haunted zoo now. Since I’ve gotten some rest, it feels like I’ve got my head on straight, at least, so I’d like to continue where I left off.
I sat on the floor in the office after meeting the ghost until I’d settled my rattled mind (and realized I’d forgotten to ask her name, how rude is that?). I took a deep breath and got up off the floor. Walking over and falling into the rolling chair in front of the large screen of camera views, when I brought up the camera that covered the area in which I’d spotted her, she was still there, and it seemed she hadn’t moved an inch.
Sitting there, at a loss, I continued to watch her. The ghost hung around for another five minutes or so, appearing to look at a few things off-screen, though I’m not sure what. Then she walked off into the forest and left the view of the cameras. I wasn’t sure if she vanished into the ether or if she’d gone looking into the trees to look for something.
But that wasn’t the end of the job interview, so let me jump back there. It continued into what kind of animals the zoo had, with Andrew asking me how much experience I had with dangerous animals.
I took a moment to consider the question. “So, ah…I’ve been going hunting and fishing with a neighbor since I was sixteen,” I told him. “We always have to keep an eye out for gators, bears, and hogs. Then there’s snakes, of course…snapping turtles… Since I’ve lived here my whole life and been aiming for a job with wildlife for a long time, I know a lot about the animals in Arkansas in general. But good advice for all of the above is avoid them, so I’ve had encounters, but I don’t know if you’d say I have experience with them.”
“That’s fine,” Andrew said, nodding. “That’s an answer I’m satisfied with. Now, the ghost was the appetizer, Ripley; here’s the main course. To start with, the pay isn’t twenty-five an hour. It’s fifty.”
Staring in shock for a moment, I asked, “Are you serious?”
“Yeah. But that’d be weird to post online considering what applicants think we need, so I halved it.”
“That’s… Okay, why?”
“The animals are already here. You just can’t see them.”
I stared at him for a long moment, some disbelief worming its way into my expression, before saying, “Sorry, what?”
“There’s a chance you’d naturally never see them, or at least some of them,” he continued casually. “It depends on both your genetics and how long you stay on the job. I can naturally see six of them, but that’s it. Suzanne can see all of them, and more. Some are what people would label demons or ghosts. Or magic. Mostly you’d call them cryptids. The ghost was just a warm-up; I mentioned her first because it never takes more than a week to see her if you work the night shift. If you manage to handle her okay, soon you’ll be able to see the animals too. The more time you spend on the grounds, for weird reasons,” he said, wiggling his fingers in the direction of the back door, “the more you’ll be able to see.”
“So, this…this is a zoo for cryptids,” I echoed slowly. He nodded once, waiting to find out what kind of reaction I would have. I gestured vaguely around the room. “If this is a hidden camera show, will you cut me a check for showing up and participating?”
Andrew coughed out a chuckle and shook his head. “No joke. There are a ton of stories out there that have been written to death, pulverized until they’re not the Grimm stories of old and instead they’re Disney films. A lot of those stories come from what some humans have seen. There are dozens of other worlds pressed up against ours, and occasionally things come through by accident. If they’re smart, they’ll lay low and then make their way back when they can. If not, they become local folklore until someone helps them back. I’m just from London, but Suzanne is from somewhere else. She hires people like us for this zoo. Humans.”
Sighing, I shook my head. “That makes no sense. Why would she hire a muggle for a magic zoo?”
Andrew burst out laughing at that, and then waited to gather himself before he continued. “Fair point, but this is less about magic and more about animals, and you’re missing some information that will explain it. First of all, if I misjudge an employee, and they think they can make bank by outing the endangered and valuable animals we have, it’s easy to relocate the zoo.”
“Because magic?” I asked.
“Exactly,” he replied, ignoring the thread of skepticism in my tone. “That means it isn’t the end of the world if that happened, though it is a pain in the arse. But second…let me ask you a question. Speaking of reality shows, say the Discovery Channel put out a call to replace Steve Irwin when he passed. Imagine they had a line out the door,” he said with a gesture, “of people who thought they had the skill and natural talent to replace him, to take on everything he’d been doing his whole life. How many do you reckon would lose an arm, a leg, or their life, by the end of the day?”
My lips parted in surprise and I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re saying people from…wherever…they’re just as dumb as humans, but they’re worse, because they actually think they can handle these things.”
Andrew pointed the pen at me. “Things. Exactly. You called them things. Suzanne and her friends grew up with them and would call them animals. These animals have dispositions and temperaments that we’ve studied for as long as there have been scientists. Where Suzanne’s from, they know the weaknesses of these animals, and also they’re in enclosures here, even if you and I can’t see the walls because they’re invisible things called ‘wards’. If I hire someone who’s got magic on top of all that, they’ll have almost no instinctive fear.
“Everything here is nocturnal, and every one of them is a hunter. Some of these things? Humans see them and they pass out. Not that I want you passing out, but I need someone who is scared of these things, who knows to stay out of the enclosures no matter what. Not someone who thinks they can train them to do tricks, who gets close enough for them to grab a mouthful of hair and drown them. Once, we had a night shift manager injured, and once killed, because they didn’t take these animals seriously enough.”
Thinking back to the Sea World orca incident I knew he’d been referencing, I remembered wondering how someone at that level of her profession could be so careless as I watched the video on YouTube. It made sense when he explained it like that. I hesitated before mentally throwing my hands up and going all in. “So, why put this place here, then? If they’re endangered and also dangerous, why have a zoo at all instead of just a small reserve?”
He pursed his lips, looking disappointed in me. “Ripley. You know that already. You already said as much.”
Thinking back through our conversation, I said, “The rich humans who pay top dollar to see supernatural animals.”
“Not humans,” he told me. “But people, yes, and they are rich, and they’re making donations and spending their money on a ticket here because everything we have is endangered.”
“So…”
I just let my voice trail off and my mind started to drift. Andrew remained silent, letting me do so. There’s that thing people say, ‘I believe that you believe it,’ which is just a kinder way of saying, ‘Bullshit.’ Parents say it about closet monsters. Psychologists say it to people who say they’ve been abducted and probed by aliens. I wanted to say it to Andrew.
But I also wanted a job. If it meant working overnight at an empty zoo, that was fine. When it came down to it, especially when I took the tone of our conversation into account, this was a zoo specifically focused on preserving endangered ‘animals’, and it was allegedly doing important work. Also, if this turned out to be the real deal and I started seeing the animals, I would deal with it, just like I would deal with an enclosure that had a lion or tiger or gorilla. If it came with a ghost and invisible creatures, I really didn’t see what the difference was, if I couldn’t go in the enclosures either way.
On that note, I’d like you to imagine a kid who looks at a roller coaster, watching everyone screaming and grinning as they go up and down and all around and they’re like, ‘Heck, I could do that! That looks like a blast!’
Then they get on, the first drop hits, and they realize they’ve made a terrible mistake.
“All right,” I sighed. “I can’t say I’m going to turn down a job just because it’s going to be scary. Especially not one with this paycheck.”
Andrew smiled. “Awesome. There’s an adjustment process for anyone working here, similar to a dog that gets adopted, actually. I know the general guidelines of, ‘three days, three weeks, three months’ in terms of milestones, until they finally feel they’re where they’re supposed to be,” he told me, “and you can think of your time here along those lines. I really think you’re a great fit, and once you reach the milestone of working here for three months, I’ll officially consider you our new night shift guard. And I hope you’ll stay with us for many years.”
I nodded and smiled at the flattery of an employer wanting me to work a great job for them for a long time. I’d never had a dog, but those milestones were well-known among anyone who knew animals, especially dogs. The first three days, the dog is getting to know its new digs, exploring, and decompressing. At three weeks, they’ve gotten used to their environment and are starting to get comfortable with their surroundings and the routines of the humans they live with. By three months, they know the rules and follow them, they trust you, and they feel they are where they’re meant to be. I could only hope to be so lucky.
I saw the ghost two days ago and she has yet to make another appearance (for those who are curious, I asked, and her name is Leila), and I still hadn’t seen any animals. I did hear one, though, I feel compelled to note. A growling roar sounded from the lake on occasion, echoing across the vast zoo, sending a shiver down my spine. Whatever that animal was, it sounded gigantic.
Andrew said there was apparently a group that wanted to visit for a birthday and they were offering a huge donation, so he let me know they were making an exception and that this group would be walking through the park that night. That meant I’d be watching people watching animals that, as far as I could tell, weren’t there.
It was anticlimactic. Even the three people who came for the tour just looked like people, not like aliens or something eldritch from another dimension, and I stayed in the security office the whole time. Andrew was the one giving the tour. I watched them spend about five minutes at each enclosure, the hour or so that they were there passing without incident. It was clear that they were able to see all the animals, though, since they motioned excitedly at each enclosure and spoke to Andrew, who presumably answered any questions they had.
If they could see the animals, that was that. There was still that niggle in the back of my head, from my twenty-three years of life never encountering anything like ghosts or cryptids, telling me that this was ridiculous. Waiting for someone to knock on the door, a camera mounted on their shoulder, to tell me that it was a big joke and they wanted to see how long I’d play along. But from all I saw, this was a real place with real, invisible animals.
I do carry a taser and pepper spray in my capacity as a security guard. Though it isn’t for the animals, since they’re in the enclosures; they’re actually for the rare instance of a break-in. Andrew mentioned that it had happened several times it the past, someone trying to steal an animal in the hopes of selling it on the black market. They’d been successful before, but apparently my predecessor Roger was good at his job, and mostly they left in handcuffs.
I’ll be honest, I’m not a huge fan of confrontation, but my job was to call Andrew and then confront the person, not kick their ass. That’s what the police were for, or rather, the people Andrew would call in lieu of police in certain situations.
Fifty bucks an hour. That’s the key here.
Andrew hadn’t set up direct deposit, since he was sticking with a strategy of waiting to see if I’d continue to work there once I found out myself dealing with the animals (I’ve decided I am going to just call them animals). Instead, I got an old-fashioned check after my shift every Friday. The number on the first check was delightful. I went out that evening and had a big dinner at the local diner, order my most expensive favorites on the menu and a big slice of pie for dessert.
When it came to the paychecks in general, though, I had this weird feeling of not wanting to tell my dad and brother about the fact that it was actually $50/hr. I previously mentioned that my dad, his name’s Nathan if you’re curious, works at a local grocery store. Our town has a couple food franchises, but I think its size is just short of whatever threshold Walmart uses to decide where to open. He earns $14/hr. and that’s after the tiny raises he’s gotten over the past thirteen years.
That’s not to say he’d feel bad about not making as much as me. On the contrary, he would be ecstatic for me and really proud. But, like me, he’d be suspicious. That hourly rate was the biggest hint that this was more than just a private zoo for cryptids. And as soon as that fat check cleared without problems, my dad wouldn’t be satisfied with reassurances; he’d want to come visit the zoo and look around.
I’d told him it’s a private preservation with scheduled (expensive) visits only and that it had only eleven animals, so he’d been appeased by me brushing off the idea of a visit. Also, I took a few photos of my workplace; one of the security room, one of me sitting in my chair, one photo of the many screens I watched, and a selfie where I was feigning sleep out of boredom, slouched in my chair with my mouth open in a faux snore. That let him feel like he knew where I was and what I was doing, and that I was safe.
But if I told him I was making double what he thought, my father would practically order me to quit. No job was worth my safety, he’d tell me. I was quite of the opposite opinion, however, considering how crucial any and all conservation efforts were these days. Especially with the steep extinction levels due to humans competing with other animals for space, not to mention climate change. Working in any job that helped preserve species and keep ecosystems in balance, or put them back in balance, was so important.
Then again, my father would also point out something I had realized right away: the fact was that I was working with endangered species that were not from Earth. I wasn’t helping my planet. To be honest, though…that didn’t matter to me. Especially after that talk with Andrew about why he hired a human for this job, I figured whichever dimension these animals came from had the equivalent of us, razing forests to the ground, clouding the planet with pollution, and leaving the animals with no avenue of recourse when yet more land was taken from them.
I really do hope to keep working here for a long time, though, and not just because of the money. I can’t help it; I want to know what these things were, and I want to work with them, to do the job of a zookeeper. The same way you go up to the chain-link fence to get close to a carnivore on the other side who thinks you’d make a nice afternoon snack. You just want to be closer to them, to experience that incredible, daunting feeling of being in their presence.
Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t long before I got what I wanted.
The day after we had the tour go through, I was doing my sweep when I saw the ghost again. She was sitting on a small boulder in the same area I’d seen her the first time, looking identical, blood covering the front of her slashed shirt, the wounds visible underneath. I stopped and stood there for a moment before I decided to raise my hand in a small wave.
The young woman cocked her head at me and raised a hand in the air in an imitation of my gesture, her expression showing a bit of curiosity.
She was low-key, seemingly not concerned with my presence, looking at me as a novel phenomenon in her world. I wondered what that world consisted of. Was she always here, sometimes visible and sometimes not? Or did she have another world next to ours, in the ether, where she left everything in this world behind and floated in her disembodied form? Did she still feel emotions? Was that really curiosity on her face, or was I projecting? Did she feel happiness? Fear? Did she have the option of moving on, or was she stuck here?
Many questions that I might never get the answers to. And that was assuming Andrew knew the answers, since I’d never met Suzanne Cooper and he hadn’t even mentioned that possibility. This place was clearly her baby, but I’m sure running it was a lot of work. Plus, if she was rich enough to own it, she was rich enough to have other businesses and charities to run.
When it comes to the enclosures, they’re all wrapped by a barrier of some kind, though never one that seems adequate. There was not a single place with the ugly metal weavings of a chain-link fence, and no stretches of circular razor wire. Instead, there are nice fences. Black iron, or wrought steel fencing in a similar style to the one circling the perimeter of the zoo, just shorter and with different patterns. Or a spaced picket fence, the wood stained in some tone of brown, or a split two-rail fence. As if to say, ‘This is the border of your enclosure, but we’re just letting you know out of courtesy.’
When I started to pass enclosure number seven last night, a young woman’s voice spoke, “Hello.”
I startled, unaware that I hadn’t been alone. “Oh. Hi,” I said, staring at her standing a few yards in.
She had been next to a large tree and I hadn’t seen her. This enclosure was behind a picket fence, and she walked through the large area of wild grasses and flowers that stretched across the other side of the fence. There were fewer tall grasses closer to the fence, which I guessed was because it had been tromped down by her regular pacing along it when there were visitors, or if she wanted to see the various enclosures of the zoo. Her sudden appearance was a bit weird, considering I had been expecting to see a cryptid and instead I was looking at, it seemed, an attractive Asian woman.
She wore a black kimono, the soft silk robe draped gently over her body, with beautiful patterns of cherry blossoms, more so over her left side, and red and blue birds with their wings spread. A sash wrapped around her abdomen, she wore socks and sandals on her feet, and her hair was up in those rolls that gave volume to the style.
I was no expert on any fashion, much less that of another country, so I just assumed it was all traditional Japanese clothing. Most likely, the visitors who came liked to see a certain time-honored style and that’s what she stuck with. Or maybe she played on stereotypes. That would be amusing.
“I’m Yui. It’s nice to meet you,” she spoke, arriving at the border of the fence and holding out a hand for me to shake.
I’d been standing about three yards away from her, and I’ll be honest, muscle memory tried to kick in. But I only made it two steps, my hand starting to rise, before I froze, the hand falling limply at my side. “Nice to meet you, too,” I answered, my voice quiet.
Damn. I wonder how many times that honey trap works back where she comes from.
The pleasant look on her face faded, and she lowered her hand. “You won’t shake hands with me? Isn’t that rude?”
“I mean, I kind of like my hand where it is. You know, attached to me.”
Her demure smile widened into something more amused. “I would never do something so revolting.”
Looking her up and down, as if more visual information would give me more knowledge of what she was, I asked her, “What would you do?”
“I would be less wasteful,” she said softly.
A finger of ice trailed down my spine, and I had the sudden image in my head of her grabbing my outstretched hand in an iron grip and yanking me over the fence, leaving me to sprawl on the ground. Then killing and consuming me efficiently, without a single careless step, the same way humans slaughtered pigs, using everything from the hog but the squeal. I was struck with a shiver at the idea of her consuming everything from me but my screams.
Slowly, I took one step further down the path, then another. Just as I got to a walking pace, though, I realized the woman had started walking too, in the same direction. I’d have eventually gotten to the end of her enclosure and keep going, leaving her behind, but she spoke up. “Are you leaving?”
I came to a stop, meeting her gaze again. “My job is to walk the zoo every hour. Then I’ll get back to the security room and stay there until my next walk.”
“Have you met the others yet?”
I hesitated before saying, “Just Leila.”
She blinked languidly. “That means nobody welcomed you here.”
“Andrew did.”
She didn’t reply to that. Instead, she slowly started to lean forward, and I flinched backward a few steps further as I saw insect legs start curling out from her back.
No. Not insect. Arachnid.
The eight legs ended in small ‘paws’ with tiny claws, a layer of hairs covering the leg from top to bottom, like any typical tarantula. I took two more slow steps back and my mouth went dry as the jointed legs just kept lengthening, until they were large enough to lever her off the ground.
My gaze had been on the spider legs, but my heart skipped a beat as I realized her human legs had melded together and turned into a bulging abdomen. Her skin was shifting to a carapace, eventually all the way up to her shoulders and down her arms, her fingers elongating and her nails stretching to claws. From there down, her body was that of a pale tarantula with pedipalps the size of my arms and piercing fangs in her jaws that looked like they could take my head off.
There was a moment, my vision blurring, where I was worried that I might piss myself. The part of my brain that still had its humor intact in that moment told me that I should keep an emergency set of clothes in my car, or at the very least, start wearing Depends to work.
“I show you my true form,” she said softly, her voice now raspy like an eighty-year-old after a lifelong smoking habit. “Welcome to Suzanne Cooper’s zoo. The night shift guard for many years was Roger, before he retired and the zoo moved, and I miss him dearly. What should I call you?”
I choked on my words. There was no way my throat was going to cooperate enough for me to clearly get a sentence out. Instead, I realized my legs had taken control of the situation themselves, unsatisfied with my conscious brain’s decision to stand and stare, taking steps backward. I backed up a yard, then five yards, then ten.
My mind focused on the fact that spiders don’t waste anything, and pictured my demise. I’d be wrapped in a cocoon, killed, and made nice and mushy before she had me for dinner.
The whole time, my brain was a frenzied mess, my pupils were probably the size of dimes, and I was staring at that tiny, pathetic fence between her and me. There was so much adrenaline pumping through my body that I felt like my bones were vibrating. The fence was, to my eyes, the only thing between us. The only thing keeping her from tackling and killing me. My only hope was that she’d do it quickly.
But she didn’t move. As I absorbed her innocent, polite words, the look on her face was calm, and I wondered if this was typically the way a conversation went before she devoured her prey. I wondered how many people she’d eaten. Not humans, not people from Earth, but the ones from where she came from. The fact that she doesn’t scare the shit out of those people means they’re staggeringly dumber than humans.
Finally, I rounded a corner, both relieved at having her out of my sight and worried that she would take that moment to come find me. When she’d been within eyeshot, I had at least known where she was and could run in the other direction. But I didn’t hear the sound of faint footsteps moving rapidly toward me. All was quiet, in that deep, smothering way that only an empty business in the middle of the night in small town America could be.
My hands trembling, I barely paid attention to anything but the confirmation that my surroundings were free of the colossal spider as I finally got back to the door. Grabbing the handle and letting my eyes dart around for about ten seconds and my ears prick for the slightest sound, I finally swiped my key card across the pad and went inside, shutting the door behind me and engaging the backup deadbolt.
Maybe that was why they had decided on keycards. If I was running from something and panicking, using an actual key or inserting the card like at a hotel would keep me from getting to safety considering my hands were shaking enough to mix a margarita.
Walking over to my chair, I fell into it, letting my body flush itself of terror as I looked up at the cameras. There she was, still in arachnid form, exactly where I’d left her behind that rinky-dink fence, casually looking around and slowly pacing back and forth. I stared at her as my racing heart gradually slowed, and a minute or so later she turned on her eight legs and walked back into the trees.
Whatever invisible fences the enclosures have apparently work, which is nice, because I wasn’t keen on getting killed by one of the creatures here. And that’s what brings me here, spilling out everything that’s happened so far. Because nearly passing out from terror isn’t something I wanted to deal with at work, obviously, but I keep going over what she did in my head again and again, and I feel like I reacted like a child who spotted a wolf spider on their bed. I started to worry for my overactive sense of self-preservation, at least in my capacity as an employee here.
The spider didn’t even try to hurt me, and so I was feeling a bit foolish. Even annoyed, actually, at the fact that I’d freaked out so hard and took off instead of trying to engage in at least basic conversation. I got the sense that she wasn’t at human-level intelligence, but I was never going to be able to hold any level of conversation with an alligator.
Sure, she did mention that she wouldn’t be so crass as to yank off my hand because she’d rather just have my entire corpse, but wouldn’t a wolf do the same if it was hungry? Wouldn’t any carnivore? Actually, they probably would’ve been satisfied with one of my hands. The fear here was from the fact that she turned into a giant spider. If she’d turned into Clifford, I would’ve reacted the same way, if not better than, meeting Leila.
With that, I decided I’m staying on the job. Considering how frustrated I can get with foolish people, it’s a bit hypocritical, and I’m being a bit of an idiot. But…there are definitely wards keeping them in their enclosures. Also, I signed up for creatures for another dimension, whether or not I believed in them at the time, and I will not let encountering my first one in an objectively boring way be the reason I quit.
The money is a factor, I’ll grant you. Of course it is. And I can’t spend it if I’m dead, but all signs point to surviving as long as I don’t do anything dumb. Also, yes, I’ll admit there’s a not-so-little voice in the back of my head that’s desperate to know what else is here. I never thought I’d do something like this, but finding out these things are real, I honestly do want to learn more about them.
Still, though, I decided to call Andrew at the end of my shift to ask if the pepper spray and taser I carried worked on a certain spider, as well as the other animals I’d yet to meet.
​
Previous
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/storiesbykaren

I don't lie because I'm scared I'll be admitted btw. I've left out that I've self-harmed and that I liked a friend so losing her was extra hard along with losing my other friends. Basically I've just left out a lot of information.
My psychologist is suggesting EDMR therapy and I have no idea how to come clean cause half the 'traumatic' memories would make no sense as I've been too scared and embarrassed to give the full context. I really want to be honest but it'd feel like I'd feel the emotions all over again. I've kept on running away from what I have to accept about my situation or I just self harm to make my pain physical. I'm at a loss here to be honest.

I like Kira Kira a lot, but the villains were just one of the things I was not a fan of for the season. So I thought maybe trying to rewrite some of them so they better fit the narrative a little more theme-wise while still retaining some of the good things about them in their original incarnations:

• Kirakiraru Thieves- Instead of the random no name fairies in the mountain who all look like pekorin, I think the corrupted sweets fairies should've been the residents of the mountains. Then it would make more sense to rescue them. Just design softer, non-sharp looks for their purified fairy forms. They're already food themed so making them the sweets fairies of the mountain makes so much sense. Maybe their designated purpose was to increase the kirakirarun production in their respective snacks but corruption makes them suck it out instead.
• Julio- Honestly, keep Julio as is but instead of breaking his wand JUST after his revival, just make his powers more like a defensive waffle barrier so that he focuses on defending the populace while the Cures fight. Make his character like a paladin who protects the people's kirakirarun to make up for his past sins of stealing it.
• Bibury- I already like Bibury's personality and look, but her powers and story just feel a little lackluster. Maybe make it so that she's an orphan who was always hungry and she curses people who always ate meals together with their families. That's when she was "saved" by Noir and given a doll, which gave her the familial love she craved for while keeping her hate for sweets, which are a luxury to her. Transforming her cursed doll is already a unique aspect that I want to keep but maybe some of her powers is to make copies of Iru to spread magical rumors and maybe help her in battle by hindering the enemies movements. This power carries over when she defects to the Cures but the doll copies are now dressed in white and black and have her pigtails.
• Grave- Probably the weirdest one out of the bunch. He's not even dessert-themed or related but just a corrupt business creep who has a car and minions. I'd make it so that he used to work for a factory that makes sweets but is more concerned about the profits and kept cutting costs but making the sweets worse in quality. Eventually, this collapsed the business and he was ostracized from sweetmakers everywhere. Since then he kept bleeding money till he was poor and had to sell his car before Noir found him and offered him a position because of his greed. He can keep the car and the nendos which can represent his need for luxury and workers who will do everything he says, but give him more of a hate for sweets as the reason for his fall from grace and make him crush some sweets under his boots or spray car exhaust on them because he's petty.
• Diable- Another weird one. Its just a weird shadow ghost dog. No big story there. I think the fact that they're animal sweets is maybe played around with this fact but they never really touched much on it. Maybe its like... Its the collective hunger of the harsh animals in the forest given form? Either way, not a lot to be said about this one aside from polishing what they ARE. I did think it was cute they got reincarnated as a puppy tho.
• Noir- So Noir is the big bad who is also not a big bad? It's a very weird dynamic for sure and his motives don't make a lick of sense. I'd rewrite him as a tragic figure who has seen the horrors of war as he is already a soldier. Maybe after Lumiere rescued him, he attempted to help her comfort the people around the shop by assisting her and taking care of others. But his heart was filled with only hate and guilt and suffering and frustration from his battles and not being able to bake well (which parallels a bit with Pikario) that he only ruined the sweets and sucked the Kirakirarun out of them. He would see himself as a being who only took instead of giving like Lumiere does and the darkness inside of him would cloud his judgement. The inner darkness would keep collecting and corrupt his inner kirakirarun and no matter how much Lumiere would try to reach into his heart with her treats, his suffering and pain would only further absorb and corrupt the energy. So it would be like he's constantly hungry for the comfort of sweets but can never feel it because he allows his newfound selfishness and hopeless views of the world to win out, like a form of PTSD. Thus he would seek to suck kirakirarun from all the world in order to fill the emptiness in his soul.
• Elisio- I liked the idea that Elisio was like a dark part of Noir given form but the execution as a villain left a lot to be desired. He's looks like a pâtissier, but his powers are cards? And he also took a step back and just became "the villain who combines random objects together". Why not just have an evil whisk that mixes corrupted treat monsters? He is also born from like... a corrupted cupcake? I like the corrupted cupcake angle, but with the rewritten Noir, make it so that the dark energy within him accumulated so much that his heart had to vent out a bunch of it and it became Elisio. Elisio is like... a representation of his futility in redeeming himself, which is why he mixes up evil dessert monsters because they represent Noir's self-hate for destroying desserts instead of creating. Maybe the whisk can harden stolen kirakirarun much like how the girls can shape it like clay and he can make hard crystal weapons like a lance or a sword out of his corruption whisk. He can still absorb both Lumiere and Noir in the latter half as well, but he mixes them up into his whisk and consumes them like a dessert, but evilly. It seems his goal is a perfect utopia of emotionlessness, which I still like as an angle but maybe method is focused on absorbing all the Kirakirarun and corrupt it all in one go instead, using it to transform and create the perfect earth just like the girls did to form up the kirapati. This would also allow him to hide his plan from Noir while still pretending to comply with his wishes to fill his empty heart.