"We're your mates." Mates? Six mates? How could it be?! "Wait a minute... you said all of you. That's not how mates work. Fated mates are two people, not an entire harem." I hissed as I shook my head. "This conversation is ridiculous because it's not real." Silence filled the space between us for several long seconds. "You really want us to leave?" My stomach twisted at his words. We just met, and yet he sounded devastated as he asked the question. I silently cursed myself for causing the change I heard. If I was a better person, I would say something else. "Yes." "Fine, we'll leave, but only on one condition. Buss each one of us. Then, if you feel nothing, we'll walk out of here without protest." ———————— I would die in this very spot, and no one would have a clue. Six hours... I'd been trapped under this pile of random things for six hours. My hips and back ached from how long I'd been stuck in this exact position. I'd tried everything I could think of, but the massive pile of unknown stuff never moved. Something heavy had landed on my back, keeping me pinned face down on scattered newspapers and the occasional book. How did I know there were books when I couldn't see them? Because of the sharp corners stabbing into me. If that level of depressing suckage wasn't enough, I had to pee. My bladder hurt... felt like it was about to burst. Because of course, the first time I decided to drink spirits, I'd end up faced and trapped under a pile of a hoarder's treasure. To relieve some of the pressure off my cheek, I dug my shoulder into the newspaper floor and tilted my head until my forehead pressed against the mess underneath me. The small amount of relief I felt from the change of position was enough to stop me from going insane. For now. Ding dong. "You've got to be shitting me." I grumbled into the ancient newspapers. Someone at the door wouldn't matter. I couldn't get off the floor... erm, pile of stuff that acted as a floor, to answer the door. Whoever was on the other side would eventually think someone wasn't home and leave. And so would my only chance at being rescued. "Ha." I couldn't stop the sarcastic laugh from escaping. Even if they did come in, whoever they were wouldn't want to sign up for this insanity. I didn't even want to deal with this nightmare my life had become. Thanks mom. Ding dong. Ding dong. Who rang the doorbell multiple times? Seriously, just go away and let me die. Sure, I would be in the hall of shame for dumb ways to go, but I'd already accepted my fate. Not only would I die in one of the most embarrassing ways in history, I'd go with the dullest life experiences. Why? Because I'd always done what I was supposed to do... every single expectation my parents had, I jumped at the chance to please them. I was an idiot. A boring, lame, not once destined to save the world, sheltered little girl that grew in an inexperienced woman. My life was pathetic. "Parker, are you okay?" The deep voice sent shivers through me. I imagined this unknown man growling in my ear. Then my senses came back to me. While I was on the verge of being crushed to death, someone had broken into my house. Great, just what I needed. Good luck mister robber. If you can find anything valuable, then you deserved it. The logical side of my brain caught up to current events. First thing, a robber wouldn't call out my name as he broke into my house. Second, I didn't know anyone with a voice so delicious... uh, I meant distinct. Yeah. Should I respond or hope they gave up and left? My mother would have insisted I remain silent. Her voice slid through my memory. "Men were a distraction to a woman's career." I rolled my eyes at the phrase she'd said throughout my childhood and even after I'd moved out on my own. If I was going to leave this world, it would be after doing something ridiculous. I'd call the man with the delicious voice over, then I could die from embarrassment. "I'm over here!" What I'd intended to be a shout came out more as a breathy moan. I barely had room to breathe. It seemed shouting was impossible. A burning hot pain shot through my neck as I tried to turn my head to see the footsteps that approached. Nope, that wasn't going to happen. My mysterious, silver tongued hero or burglar's looks would have to remain a mystery just a bit longer. "Over here!" Just like last time, his voice made me shudder. With a voice like that, the man had to be hot. I hoped he had a beard... and tattoos. Not only would it make my mother roll in her grave, I'd always loved looking at burly, tatted up, bearded guys. Add in hair that was long enough to pull and I couldn't think of a good reason to ever leave the house. The crushing weight finally lifted off me. I sucked in a deep breath, then immediately regretted it as I choked on the oxygen. My lungs seized as the rush of air shocked them. Hands grabbed my arms and shoulders, then the world tilted as they lifted me to my feet. I bent over and grabbed my knees as my equilibrium spun. Hands patted my back, helping me calm. Actually, there were more than two hands. I counted enough to equal three people. When I got my breathing under control, I dared follow the black boots that stood at the top of my vision. My gaze slid up, taking in black cargo pants that rode low on a pair of hips. Further up, a black tactical vest contained... bottles of cleaning solution. What the heck? The moment I went full vertical, my balance tilted again. I stepped back to catch myself. In front of me stood a massive man, the kind I had to look up to just to catch a view of his chin... his bearded chin. My fingers itched with the need to touch it. I didn't. It would be weird to stroke a hot stranger's beard. Wouldn't it? I shook my head. Of course it would be weird. I turned, taking in the four men and one woman standing all around me. The sound of newspapers sliding preceding my right foot slid out from underneath me. The giant of a man caught me before I fell on my hips in front of everyone. They all wore similar black tactical gear with cleaning supplies. Colorful bottles of solution, a duster, a roll of trash bags, and... was that a broom and a mop with shoulder straps? Who were these people? "Parker, are you okay?" The deliciously deep voice asked from behind me. After a few tries, I accepted the fact that I was speechless. My brain nudged at me, telling me I'd missed a crucial detail. Every brain cell misfired as I looked them over again. Correction, five of them wore black tactical gear. Every single one of them was drop dead gorgeous, and it made me feel out of place. One of the guys stood off to the side with his arms crossed over his chest. I blinked. No, that couldn't be right. I blinked again, but the sight stayed the same. A man stood taller than those closest to him. Peeking over his crossed arms was a ruffled white fabric with black lace woven through it and tied in a bow. There was even a small scattering of chest hair sticking over the edge. The hem of the skirt ended well above his knee, revealing a tattoo that covered his entire right thigh. My gaze traveled up to his face. A plush black beard contrasted with the skimpy maid's outfit he wore. "I..." Words failed me again. I gestured to the man whose outfit didn't fit the others. He rolled his eyes as he tightened his grip on his arms. "They thought it would be funny to prank me. Did you know, not only did they buy this ridiculous outfit, they stole the rest of my clothes, so I'd have to wear this?" "Uh, no. I don't even know who all of you are." For whatever reason, it hadn't dawned on me that all these incredibly attractive people were standing in my house. Like inside, where they could take in the horror of what my mother left me to inherit. Mortification slammed into me. They'd seen the awful mess. "You all need to leave." "Parker?" The burly man's voice from behind me caught my attention. He waited until I turned around to continue. "You don't remember asking us to come here, do you?" Ice slid down my spine. I'd been pretty drunk last night, but since I'd never had spirits before and I'd decided to take shots of everything in my mother's 'social hour' cabinet, I wasn't even surprised I'd woken up with a hangover. "How much did you have to drink last night?" "Seeing how I'm awake now, apparently not enough. Who are you, and how do you know me?" The man bared his teeth at me, making a sound that I could only describe as a hiss. "Never again. From now on, if you need something, you ask us." I dismissed him with a wave of my hand. "Why would I ask you anything?" "Because we're your mates." Hard stop. Mates? A giddy feeling in my belly told me he didn't mean a friend. I held a finger up for him to give me a minute. A sharp pain slid through my abdomen, reminding me I had yet to relieve myself after my drunken night of mistakes. One of the other men spoke up. "I know it's a lot to take in, and you're probably really confused, but we are all your fated mates." I'd read enough werewolf romance novels to know what they meant, and they were dead wrong. Shifters weren't real. "Yeah mate, tell us what you need, and we'll get it for you." "I need to pee." And with that, I stomped out to the nearest bathroom and locked myself inside. Why wouldn't the ground open and swallow me whole? I sat on the bathroom floor with my back propped against the wall and hugged my legs to my chest as I rested my forehead on my knees. Not only had people witnessed the horror I lived in, but they had to be the hottest people in the world. Even the woman had made me look twice and left me shoving a deeper desire I refuse to even consider right now. Knock, knock. "Parker?" It was the giant of a man's voice. Why couldn't they leave so I could be alone? "Go away." I heard sounds on the other side of the door that sounded like he'd sat on the floor. "Come out and talk to us." I pressed my forehead against my knee harder, trying to ignore the giant bearded intercourse god. "Or, just talk to me. We're worried about you." My chest seized as I forced myself to take a deep breath. Irrational anger surged inside of me. Why didn't they understand I didn't want them here? "You don't even know me." The sound of his deep chuckle sent a warm wave of desire through me. Stupid hormones. "Twenty-four hours ago, I would have agreed with you. After last night, I feel like I know you on a level most others never will." What did I do last night? I still couldn't remember what I'd done. I swore to myself I'd never drink again. "It was all lies." "Why are you trying to push us away? What would be so wrong with letting someone in to help for once?" Memories of my parents’ fighting came back to me. It was my tenth birthday. When my dad found out my mom bought a cake for my birthday, he'd attacked her. Everything was a blur until he'd pinned her against the wall. She held a knife to his crotch and threatened him. He'd left and never returned that day. My mind shut down, preventing me from thinking about it any longer. "Because I can't afford to pay you and no one does anything out of the kindness of their heart." I couldn't keep the sarcastic tone out of my voice as I said it. "Parker, you're missing a vital part of this dynamic." Silently, I chanted over and over for him to not use the word mates again. It couldn't be real. Paranormal romance novels weren't real... neither were shifters nor the perfect person walking into my life and devoting themselves to me. That was a fairytale, not reality. "Mates. Just to see a smile cross your lips, I'd clean this entire property. Throw in the others, and we'd do anything to see you happy." He tapped something on the door. "I can scent your annoyance through the door." "Wait a minute... you said all of you. That's not how mates work. Fated mates are two people, not an entire harem." I hissed as I shook my head. "This conversation is ridiculous because it's not real." Silence filled the space between us for several long seconds. "You really want us to leave?" My stomach twisted at his words. We just met, and yet he sounded devastated as he asked the question. I silently cursed myself for causing the change I heard. If I was a better person, I would say something else. "Yes." "Fine, we'll leave, but only on one condition. Buss each one of us. Then, if you feel nothing, we'll walk out of here without protest." I banged my head on my knee. That wouldn't work. They weren't even in the room with me and I already felt things. No way could I buss even one of them without having a reaction. "No." "Is that because you already know what I'm saying is true, or are you just being stubborn?" Before I could think about why he had said it, I jumped up and threw the door open to glare at him. "Are you always a jerk?" The confidence disappeared as I looked up into his eyes. He grabbed the doorknob and pulled it closed behind me, pushing me against him in the process. His gaze locked on mine as he lowered his head until we were almost bussing. "Never, but I'm not above riling you up to help give you the boost you need to confront a situation with confidence." Now that he was so close, I couldn't remember why I'd locked myself in the bathroom. Everything around us disappeared except the door his hard body pressed me against. His free hand caressed my cheek. "Can you genuinely tell me you don't feel the bond trying to form between us?" I clamped my jaw closed. If I didn't admit it out loud, then it wasn't real, but he was right. I could feel a... connection to him and the others. It didn't make sense, and I might not want it, but was most definitely there. His lips brushed against mine ever so slightly, sending a wave of fire through me. I gripped the straps of his black tactical vest to pull him closer, but he didn't budge. He chuckled as he moved from my lips to my ear. "Mate, if I buss you, I won't stop until you're mine. It might not be today or tomorrow, but I will claim you and make you mine." "And if I say we're not mates?" "Your mouth might lie, but your body and soul can't." I heard him inhale deep at my neck. "I can smell your need to claim me. It fills my senses until it's all I can think about. I've just found you and already you've consumed my entire world." It was bizarre, but I completely understood what he meant. Somewhere deep down inside of me, the idea of kicking out even one of them left me feeling raw. Six mates... and one of them was a woman. I'd known I was attracted to both genders from a young age, but I'd always locked that part of me away. My mom flipped at the idea of me dating a single man. I couldn't even fathom how hard she was rolling over in her grave at having six lovers. It was so much to process. "Come on, let's go back to the others." His voice pulled me back to reality. "Not yet." Suddenly, I didn't want to move. When I felt his body pull back, I gripped his vest tighter. My gut twisted as I decided to throw a lifetime of caution out the window. "buss me." He growled deep in his chest as his hands slid down my sides until he cupped my hips. A squeal of surprise escaped me as he lifted me up, then held me against his chest as he pressed me against the door. "You're mine... ours." Then his buss consumed me, mind, body, and soul. It felt as if our life forces bonded together. The mere thought of letting go of this man became too much. It was in that moment I realized I'd screwed up. I'd never be able to give him up, or the others, without ripping my own heart from my chest. I regretted so much in my life. What was one more? I sank my hands into his hair, gripping it at the roots, and tilted his head back. Our buss broke. A smug satisfaction slid through me when I realized he was breathing as hard as I was, but I wasn't done throwing out stupid rules my mother had forced on me. I pulled his head until I'd exposed his neck. The edge of a tribal tattoo peeked out under his shirt. I trailed the tip of my tongue along the dark lines, then bussed a trail along his neck. He moved until only one hand cupped my hips. His other hand caressed the back of my neck, urging me to do whatever I wanted to him. I tightened my legs around his waist, lifting myself higher as my busses moved along the edge of his beard. "That is hot." Another man's voice made it through my lusty fog. "Yeah, can't wait until it's my turn." Someone else said. I pulled back and realized my five other mates were watching us make out. All of them had a hunger in their eyes I'd never seen before...

Today's additions are:

• We don't suck, we blow! - Chimneys (Tags: hip hop, jazz, rock, beat, beats, fusion, hip-hop, jazz, rock, samples, Hamburg) [JazzLab]
  
• Haishen - Awaken the Endless Deep (Tags: metal, rock, ambient, post-rock, progressive, Rochester) [Needlejuice]
  
• Vulvodynia - Entabeni (Tags: ) [Unique Leader]
  
• Intervals - memory palace (Tags: metal, progressive, rock, independent, instrumental, prog, Toronto) [Independent]
  
• Oppress. - The Subtle Art of Turning Gold into Shit (Tags: black metal, extreme metal, metal, death metal, United Kingdom) [Independent]
  
• Clæmus - Mercurial (EP) (Tags: metal, experimental rock, progressive metal, Wellington) [Independent]
  
• Francisco Domínguez - Arrosa xuriaren artean (Tags: classical, avant garde, contemporary, electronic, Vitoria Gasteiz) [Ensemble Sinkro]
  
• Markgraf - Hohenbaden (Tags: black metal, heavy metal, metal, Baden Baden) [Independent]
  
• Demersal - Demersal (Tags: metal, hardcore, metallic hardcore, screamo, Odense) [Independent]
  
• yaya bey - Ten Fold (Tags: hip hop, hip-hop, r&b, r&b/soul, rap, soul, Brooklyn) [Big Dada]
  
• Knocked Loose - You Won't Go Before You're Supposed To (Tags: metal, metalcore, beatdown, hardcore, metallic hardcore, numetal, sludge, Louisville) [Pure Noise]
  
• The Tangent - To Follow Polaris (Tags: rock, yes, genesis, prog, prog rock, progressive, progressive rock, van der graaf generator, London) [InsideOut Music]
  
• Sidus Atrum - “Розірване Небо (Torn Sky)” (Tags: female fronted metal, metal, atmospheric, blackened death doom, blackened doom, blackened doom metal, death doom metal, doom metal, ukrainian black metal, ukrainian metal, Kyiv) [Independent]
  
• GOD MOTHER - Sinneseld (Tags: death metal, grindcore, hardcore, metal, power violence, Stockholm) [Independent]
  
• Bab L' Bluz - Swaken (Tags: blues, psychedelic trance, funk, gnawa, Marrakesh) [Real World]
  
• Speed Dealer Moms - Birth Control Pill (Tags: electronic, idm, los angeles, analog, breakcore, breaks, experimental electronic, jungle, leftfield, rave, Winnipeg) [Evar]
  
• EABS - Reflections of Purple Sun (Tags: jazz, jazz fusion, ambient, breakbeat, hip hop, jazz, jazz-funk, poland, spiritual jazz, techno, Wrocław) [Astigmatic]
  
• Vaticinal Rites - Cascading Memories Of Immortality (Tags: brescia, death metal, italy, metal, Brescia) [Everlasting Spew]
  
• Thot - Delta (Tags: rock, industrial rock, noise rock, post-metal, post-punk, post-rock, Brussel) [Pelagic]
  
• Shane Parish - Repertoire (Tags: alternative, fingerpicking, folk guitar, jazz, music, solo guitar, Athens) [Palilalia]
  
• we broke the weather - Restart Game (Tags: boston, rock, garage prog, jazz fusion, math rock, nu-jazz, post-rock, prog rock, progressive rock, psych rock, stoner rock, Somerville) [Independent]
  
• Brad Mehldau - After Bach II (Tags: jazz, classical, genius, piano, piano solo, Amsterdam) [Nonesuch]
  
• Brad Mehldau - Après Fauré (Tags: jazz, classical, genius, piano, piano solo, Amsterdam) [Nonesuch]
  
• Sonus Umbra - Whiteout Hi Res (24 bit) (Tags: progressive rock, rock, Chicago) [Progrock.com's Essentials]
  
• Dälek - Negro Necro Nekros (Tags: hip-hop/rap, hip hop, hip-hop, rap, underground, underground hip hop, Union City) [Ipecac]
  
• Iravu/Mumuksu - Sudra (Tags: atmospheric black metal, black metal, death metal, extreme metal, metal, rabm, ambient, blackened doom, dark ambient, doom metal, red anarchist black metal, Malaysia) [Iravu]
  
• SVNEATR - Never Return (Tags: atmospheric black metal, black metal, blackened death metal, canadian black metal, metal, progressive black metal, Vancouver) [Prosthetic]
  
• SYK - eartHFlesh (Tags: metal, black-metal, death-metal, extreme-metal, groove-metal, progressive, Italy) [Season of Mist]
  
• Yi-Ting Lu - An Unopened Seashell (Tags: bassoon, contemporary classical, guitar, harp, piano, saxophone, New York) [New Focus]
  
• Dreare - Foregone (Tags: metal, drone, instrumental, post-metal, progressive, synth, Czech Republic) [Independent]
  
• Sithu Aye - Kindness (Tags: metal, djent, instrumental, progressive metal, Glasgow) [Independent]
  
• Mountainscape - Iridescent (Tags: blackgaze, metal, instrumental, post-blackmetal, post-metal, post-rock, soundtrack, Reading) [Celestial Diadem]
  
• Ehtëk - Íncst (Tags: atmospheric black metal, black metal, metal, post black metal) [Independent]
  
• no funeral records - Gil Cerrone / Letterbombs Split (Tags: australia, finland, kitchener, on, punk, emo, emoviolence, screamo, skramz, Canada) [Independent]
  
• Eat Your Own Head - The Trawler - EP (Tags: alternative, rock, alternative, grunge, independent music, math rock, math-rock, post-rock, rock, London) [Drongo]
  
• GNAW THEIR TONGUES - Hagetisse - The fountain of fallen stars (Tags: black metal, drone, experimental, Smallingerland) [Independent]
  
• Crystalline Thunderbolts Pierce The Sacred Mountain - Shine Like The Suicidal Madness Of The Sacred Amethyst (Tags: black metal, drone, experimental, Smallingerland) [GNAW THEIR TONGUES]
  
• No Teeth - Decadence In Breeding (Tags: experimental, art rock, experimental rock, garage, noise rock, post-punk, Newcastle Upon Tyne) [Post Post Music]
  
• JOURS PÂLES - DISSOLUTION (Tags: asphodèle, black metal, blackgaze, emotional black metal, french black metal, jours pâles, ladlo, melancolic metal, France) [Les Acteurs de l'ombre]
  
• Atavistia - Inane Ducam (I will lead into nothingness) (Tags: black metal, blackened death metal, death metal, melodic metal, metal, brutal metal, epic metal, melodic death metal, Vancouver) [Independent]
  
• Black Hole Deity - Profane Geometry (Tags: brescia, death metal, italy, metal, tech death metal, brutal death metal, tech death, Brescia) [Everlasting Spew]
  
• olim - Because (Tags: atmospheric black metal, black metal, blackgaze, metal, post black metal, post-black, Greater Sudbury) [Independent]
  
• Bleached Cross - Columns of Impenetrable Light (Tags: punk, darkwave, electronic, experimental, post-punk) [Independent]
  
• Windows96 - Yes Da Da Da (Tags: electronic, chillwave, psychedelic, synthwave, vaporwave, São Paulo) [Independent]
  
• ELECTROMANCER - Enforcer (Tags: thrash metal, 80s, metal, metalcore, instrumental, metal, progressive metal, synthwave, video game music, Australia) [Paul Wardingham]
  
• svrm - Прощання (Tags: black metal, metal, Kharkiv) [Independent]
  
• Chase Elodia - Have, Know, Want (Tags: jazz, indie, jazz, rock, Brooklyn) [Biophilia]
  
• Paradox Rift - Ensnared (Tags: metal, deathmetal, grindcore, melodic death metal, progressive metal, Cleveland) [Independent]
  
• MATTHEW SHIPP - THE DATA (Tags: jazz, matthew shipp, avant garde jazz, avant-garde music, free jazz, improvised music. rogueart, jazz piano, new york jazz, piano, Paris) [RogueArt]
  
• The Rhythm Method - Pastorale (Tags: acoustic, classical, experimental, classical, contemporary classical, experimental, flute, holiday music, new music, post asmr, string quartet, New York) [Independent]
  
• Katt Rán - SÁLA (Tags: alternative, folk, icelandic, nordic, pagan, viking, Delft) [Svart]
  
• John O'Gallagher - Beast (Tags: jazz, alto saxophone, free improv, free jazz, "john ogallagher", modern jazz, nu jazz, spiritual jazz, vinyl, whirlwind recordings, Birmingham) [Whirlwind]
  
• Liturgy - Immortal Life II (Tags: experimental, black metal, Brooklyn) [Independent]
  
• A Night In Texas - Digital Apocalypse (Tags: ) [Unique Leader]
  
• Like Moths To Flames - The Cycles Of Trying To Cope (Tags: metal, metalcore, hardcore, Columbus) [UNFD]
  
• Rendered Helpless - From Nothing Comes All (Tags: death metal, deathcore, doom, metal, progressive, slam, slamming brutal death metal, sludge, Christchurch) [Independent]
  
• Colin Stetson - The love it took to leave you (Tags: experimental, indie, jazz, instrumental, Montréal) [Envision]
  
• Cosmic Jaguar - El Era del Jaguar (Tags: death metal, metal, technical metal, technical thrash metal, thrash metal, avant-garde, progressive metal, world music, Zhytomyr) [Independent]
  
• BALWEZO WESTIJIZ - Tower Of Famine (Tags: black metal, sweden, Kitchener) [Profound Lore]
  
• Cruce Signatus - Cruce Signatus (Tags: dungeon synth, metal, synthwave & darksynth, Milwaukee) [Independent]
  
• Gaylord - Baseball Bats and Butterfly Knives (Tags: grind, grindcore, lgbtq, metal, queer, queercore, antifa, black metal, lgbtq, Canada) [Independent]
  
• Mark Guiliana - MARK (Tags: jazz, rock, electronic, instrumental, jazz and improvised music, Los Angeles) [Edition]
  
• Summoning The Lich - Under The Reviled Throne (Tags: death metal, metal, thrash metal, St. Louis) [Prosthetic]
  
• Houle - Ciel Cendre et Misère Noire (Tags: black metal, death metal, melodic black metal, metal, Paris) [Independent]
  
• Luna Li - When a Thought Grows Wings (Tags: alternative, dreamy, groovy, indie, pop, Los Angeles) [In Real Life]
  
• The Plot In You - Vol. 2 (Tags: alternative, hardcore, metal, metalcore, post-hardcore, rock, Ohio) [Fearless]
  
• Drawn from Ichor - Up Into The Wolfs Jaw (Tags: death metal, metal, Sheffield) [Independent]
  
• TESTO - Marya.Ivan (Tags: idm, world, dub, folklore, jungle, world music, Saint Petersburg) [Independent]
  
• Anna Gadt, Marta Grzywacz, Natalia Kordiak, Gosia Zagajewska - VOICEACT (Tags: anna gadt, cecil taylor, gosia zagajewska, impro, jazz, marta grzywacz, natalia kordiak, vice, free impro, fsrecords.net, improvisation, music, piano, Warsaw) [Fundacja Słuchaj]
  
• Pijn - From Low Beams Of Hope (Tags: experimental, rock, ambient, doom, drone, post-metal, post-rock, Manchester) [Floodlit]
  
• JACK - Split with Chadhel (Tags: rock, grindcore-crossover, hardcore, punk, Hungary) [Independent]
  
• Milton Nascimento & Esperanza Spalding - Milton + esperanza (Tags: jazz, New York) [Concord Jazz]
  
• Fake Fruit - Mucho Mistrust (Tags: punk, indie rock, lunchmeat, oakland, post-punk, wobbly, Oakland) [Carpark]
  
• Fire-Toolz - Breeze (Tags: electronic, idm, alternative rock, cybergrind, electro-industrial, emo, experimental, experimental electronic, fusion, glitch, grindcore, jazz fusion, new age, noise, noisecore, prog, Chicago) [Independent]
  
• Oxygen Destroyer - Guardian of the Universe (Tags: angelcorpse, metal, morbid angel, death metal, death thrash, death thrash metal, demolition hammer, kreator, morbid saint, vader, Seattle) [Redefining Darkness]
  
• Soften The Glare - EP III (Tags: rock, math rock, progmetal, progrock, Raleigh) [Independent]
  
• The Flying Luttenbachers - Spectral Warrior Mythos 2 (Tags: experimental, grindcore, modern classical, no wave, noise, post punk, New York) [UG Explode]
  
• TALL MARY - When Will I Find Something New (Tags: drone, experimental, noise punk, post rock, Vancouver) [Kingfisher Bluez]
  
• Цар Стангра - Битката за Фиорда - На живо в Сагене (Tags: black metal, bulgaria, metal, dark ambiant, folk, ritualistic, Canada) [Independent]
  
• Anarchÿ - The Spectrum of Human Emotion (Tags: melodic metal, melodic thrash metal, metal, technical thrash metal, progressive metal, progressive thrash metal, speed-metal, thrash, thrash metal, St. Louis) [Independent]
  
• PreHistoric Animals - Finding Love In Strange Places (Tags: alternative, alternative rock, prog rock, progmetal, Sweden) [Dutch Music Works]
  
• THE LAST OF LUCY - Godform (Tags: metal, brutal death metal, death metal, deathcore, grind, grindcore, hardcore, mathcore, progressive death metal, progressive metal, tech death, technical death, technical death metal, us death metal, United States) [Transcending Obscurity]
  
• And So I Watch You From Afar - Megafauna (Tags: alternative, instrumental, rock, Belfast) [Independent]
  
• ColdCell - Age Of Unreason (Tags: atmospheric black metal, black metal, depressive black metal, extreme metal, metal, Basel) [Independent]
  
• IXION - RESTRICTION (Tags: electronic, metal, ambient, androids, atmospheric metal, blade runner, doom metal, electronica, gothic metal, robots, synthwave, France) [Independent]
  
• William Soovik Grand Finale - Once More, Dear Friends! (Tags: contemporary jazz, experimental, free jazz, gothenburg jazz, grunge jazz, jazz, rock, saxophone, swedish jazz, Gothenburg) [Independent]
  
• Carb On Carb - Take Time (Tags: new zealand, punk, emo, emo revival, midwest emo, pop punk, Whanganui) [Independent]
  
• اکوان (Akvan) - سووشون (Tags: black metal, black metal from iran, blackened death metal, iran, iranian black metal, metal, Iran) [Independent]
  
• Claire Cross - Sleep Cycle (Tags: jazz, ambient, australian jazz, chamber, contemporary jazz, folk, minimalism, nu jazz, progressive rock, Berlin) [Art as Catharsis]
  
• Extortionist - Devoid Of Love & Light (Tags: deathcore, extortionist, hardcore, industrial, metal, metalcore, unique leader records) [Unique Leader]
  
• Sebastien Ammann - Change Of Course (Tags: jazz, New York) [Ropeadope]
  
• Pallbearer - Mind Burns Alive (Tags: epic doom metal, metal, Little Rock) [Nuclear Blast]
  
• COGNITIVE - Abhorrence (Tags: death metal, metal, progressive, slam, technical death metal, grindcore, Jersey) [Metal Blade]
  
• Botanist - Paleobotany (Deluxe Edition) (Tags: metal, avant-garde, black metal, experimental, hammered dulcimer, San Francisco) [Prophecy]
  
• NOCTURNUS AD - Unicursal (Tags: black metal, death metal, metal, heavy metal, Tampa) [Profound Lore]
  
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I have mast cell disorder. It had been relatively stable for about six months (low dose dailies and paying attention to what I’m getting into). Then my kiddo caught an upper respiratory virus and gave it to me, and now that I am sick— I’m reacting again. No idea what the triggers are. Just brushed my teeth a little while ago with a toothpaste I’ve used for 15 years without problems.. and suddenly my tongue and lips are bright red, my tongue is swollen, my neck and throat and ears began to itch, my neck has hives, my arms have hives, and my heart rate started to go up. WTAF. This is probably the first time I’ve been sick since Christmas, so I’m guessing that whatever virus this is (negative for flu/rsv/covid) is causing the sudden spike in mast cells.
Anyways, just frustrated. I was really hoping that maybe, just maybe, I was going to be fine now.. guess that’s not the case. I’m very much over my body trying to do whatever it is doing. I’m so tired of being careful. I’m just so.fucking.tired. mentally bangs head on table

Ok so September of 2023, I got an Order of Protection from my bio sister after she attacked me twice in 2 weeks and held me hostage the day after the last attack. Her testimony in court was rather laughable because she told the prosecutor (it's a small town so things go a little differently) one story then told the judge another.
She TRIED saying she NEVER touched me, but she (25F, running on 2 halves of a brain cell split in two fighting over which half is her better half) could not explain the bruises (it has now been 9 months and a part of my leg is still swollen with no feeling). The judge ordered that she couldn't be less than 100 feet away from me for 2 years.
The OOP has already been violated once as before the court date, one day while I was at work bio sister and other bio sister dropped by and stole my cat. They swore my mom to secrecy, and she kept the secret for 3.5+ months (give or take a few weeks) leaving my poor baby Cashew (yes after the legume, he's also Cashew colored) with asthma (clean your cats' litter boxes folks!).
My mom drove me since my tag was out (it isn't anymore thank CHEESE), and youngest bio sister met up with us at a midpoint. For whatever ungodly reason, this dunderhead decided to tag along, meaning that this giant sack of burnt slices of toast was less than 5 feet away from me. However, my mom threatened to leave me and Cashew on the side of the road and kick me out of her house if I reported it, so I didn't.
Tonight I was on the phone with her mother so she could get updates on one of dunderhead's cats (all 4 of whom have been under my care for 4 months) for his health and his scheduled vet appointment (since that is the ONE THING this rotten sack of mutilated potatoes is paying for). Her mother mentioned she was coming over to bring some food she had made, and she asked me if it would be okay for Stinky McStinkFace to come over if she sat in the car in the driveway.
Of course I said no as that is not 100 feet or more. Bio sister then starts raging about how she wants her cats back, how there isn't even an order of protection in place, yada yada yada. I snap back (still talking to her mother) that I would want my $200 I spent to keep her cat alive back then. I then explained everything her daughter would need to do to keep him alive.
What I've had to do for him is similar to what I have to do for Cashew but Cashew doesn't need antibiotics. What is needed: Crush L-Lysine pills into a powder, mix into wet food or soaked kibble Mix a teaspoon of bee pollen into wet food or soaked kibble Stab a 1000 mg fish oil liquid gel capsule, squeeze an eensy bit on his tongue Give antibiotic twice a day Use hypoallergenic detergent for bedding and air purifier in rooms most frequently visited Only use dust and scent free litter Only give filtered water Wash, rinse, and repeat
When I first took him to the vet, his lungs were "crap" (quoted from the vet who was struggling to not say sht). *I am the ONLY one taking care of the cats she can no longer keep at her current residence. I am the one maintaining their health. You would think she would be more grateful, but instead she took her mother's phone and hung it up and repeatedly hung up when I tried to call back. When I finally managed to successfully get her mother back on the phone, I could hear bio sister screaming about how I'm such a fcking btch because I'm trying to control her by threatening to call the cops if she violates the OOP cue Sam laughing because I typed it as OOP again.
We've got until September of 2025 before it's lifted, and I'm moving out of my mom's in less than that (definitely taking these cats with me, but don't worry I'll cashapp her the money for the vet appointment AFTER I deduct my labor fees for caring for them while she still claimed them).
BTW: After I got Cashew back, bio sister's engine blew up in a shed fire, and younger bio sister's car was nearly totaled. Regardless of if I'm an AH or not, Karma's a b*tch ain't she?

The Tragic Life of Wilbur

The man they just won’t leave alone

Wilbur

Wilbur grew up with his parents, traveling salesmen, who never stayed in one place. Although Wilbur preferred to have a stable home, his parents would always blow off his suggestions.
“You already have a home. If you don’t like these accommodations, study hard and find a well-paying job when you grow up. If you can get there, I promise you, that you can buy a house and then live your life, however you want,” his mother would suggest.
“Listen to her. Your mommy knows the best,” his father would add.
Now, a Business Development Manager and a wiz when it came to numbers, he worked at a small startup company. Although the company made big profits from Wilbur’s ideas, it never really acknowledged his genius. He was proud of himself and his work, nevertheless. He took his parents’ advice and worked hard to get where he was. So, why won’t he be?
He got off work and was heading home when four masked men surrounded him. Before he realized anything, one of them held a gun at his temple, while the three others rummaged through his pockets. They pulled out his wallet, phone, and wristwatch, before punching him in the face. As Wilbur fell on all fours, bleeding out of his nose, the four men began kicking him from all directions, knocking the wind out of him.
“I didn’t resist. They took everything. Why are they still beating me?” were the last thoughts that went through his head.
He woke up in a hospital bed. The nurse who came to change the catheter bag was surprised and called the Doctor. Once the doctor came in and checked his vitals, he smiled at Wilbur.
“You are a lucky man,” he said. “You were in a coma for two months. We almost lost all hope. But you are awake now and your vitals are fine. You are stable. I think you will make a full recovery.”
And recover he did. After two more weeks in the hospital, he finally came out of the hospital. He thanked the Lord for bringing him back to the world of the living.
“Mother always said that I could get the life I wanted if I worked hard. It must be her blessings that brought me back again. Because I did work hard.” Wilbur smiled as his thoughts gave him inspiration and his parent’s memories evoked nostalgia.
Once he reached his apartment building, he checked his mailbox and found a letter for himself, along with some overdue bills. He put the bills in his pocket and opened the letter first since it was from his company. He froze after he read a few lines.
He had been let go for going AWOL for almost 3 months. The letter did hint that the office was aware of his predicament, but they just couldn’t “afford to keep him on a payroll with their tight budget” – the corporate version of “it’s not you, it’s me”.
With a heavy heart and the memories of his mother’s blessings, he took a deep breath and headed upstairs. Once he reached his apartment and tried to open the door, the key didn’t fit. Did they change the lock while he was away?
He went to the Landlord and knocked on the door. As soon as the landlord opened the door and saw him, his expression turned sour.
“Mr. Hanson. The key to my apartment isn’t working,” Wilbur said.
“I’m sorry to hear what had happened to you, Wilbur. You are a good man. You didn’t deserve it.” Hanson tried to change his sour expression to a sad one with obvious fakeness.
“Thank you, Mr. Hanson. About my- ”
“Yes. Unfortunately, the market has been horrible lately, with all the mugging in the area. Although the mugger gang has been arrested, the fallout remains. People just don’t want to rent these apartments anymore. So, I just couldn’t ignore it when I did find that couple willing to move into that apartment.”
“You gave my apartment to someone else?” Wilbur exclaimed.
“That’s my apartment, in case you forgot,” Hanson snapped, suddenly reverting to his true feelings. “I had the locks changed. You didn’t have much in the way of belongings, since the furniture in there are all mine. You can pick up your bag of clothes and laptop from the apartment manager.”
Wilbur just stood there, with his face in his hands. His whole life was crumbling down.
“Besides, you still owe me two months’ rent,” said Hanson quickly, finding a tinge of sympathy within him. “I will forgo that if you want.”
“I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
Hanson’s eyes lit up as he saw an opening. “Well, I can make another arrangement for you, if you like.”
“That’d be great.” Wilbur’s eyes lit up with hope.
“I have an acquaintance. He owns a three-bedroom house downtown and lives alone. I convinced the association to let him keep that rundown house,” Hanson said.
“He will allow me to stay with him?” Wilbur asked, unsure of where this is going.
“Yes, yes. He’s a bleeding heart. Besides, I have some understanding with him. I am sure that he will let you stay, even rent-free.”
“Rent-free?” Wilbur couldn’t believe his ears. It sounded too good to be true.
“Of course. But you have to do me a favor in return.” Hanson leaned in closer, “Don’t ever try to rent a house in this area again. Live there, with my friend Gere.”
“Why?” Wilbur asked with genuine curiosity.
“There have always been muggings around these parts. But what happened to you was the last straw that made the prices of real estate go down around these parts. It’d be good to not have your face around to remind people of that… tragedy.”
“I understand,” Wilbur said.
“And one more thing,” Hanson added. “You will still owe me my two months’ rent and all the bills. With interest, of course.”
“Of course, Mr. Hanson,” Wilbur said with a smile. “After what you are doing for me, I would love to continue our relationship.”

Gere

Gere came home and threw his bag on the sofa before heading to the kitchen. He had to prepare a meal for his guest as well; the regular mac-and-cheese won’t do. Hanson’s phone call on short notice left him little time to prepare.
As he prepared some mashed potatoes, chili, and beans, he still wondered how he got roped into taking a roommate by a man whom he barely knew. Since Hanson was an important member of the realtor’s association, he just could not refuse the request. After all, it was Hanson’s influence that allowed him to keep his family home from being demolished by the realtors.
In retrospect, it might have been a good deal for Gere to cave in and sell the house to the realtors for demolition, but he just couldn’t do it. His grandfather, and subsequently, his father lived at this place. He had a lot of emotions attached to this place.
Ding Dong!
Gere wiped his hands on his aprons and turned off the stove that he had just lit up. He hurried to the door and opened it. There stood Wilbur, broken and tired with two large bags at his feet. Upon seeing this man, Gere’s heart melted. The scars on his body and the mismatched outfit spoke volumes about this man’s plight.
“Wilbur. Come on in.” Gere picked up his bags for him. Wilbur didn’t even have the energy to refuse the aid.
“Mr. Hanson told me what happened to you. It’s a tragedy. Really,” Gere said, leading Wilbur to his room. “Don’t you worry about anything here. You can stay here as long as you like, till you get back on your feet.”
“That’s awfully kind of you,” Wilbur said. “I’m really sorry to impose.”
“Not at all,” Gere replied. “You aren’t imposing. If anyone, it was Mr. Hanson who imposed. But honestly, if I am to keep this house, I need him to keep the Realtors on a leash. We have a mutual understanding.”
Gere put down the bags in the room and turned to Wilbur.
“He imposed, but I agreed. Not because of him, because of what happened to you. I just could not leave you out like that, man.” Gere gave him a pat on the upper arm and beckoned, “Come on. Wash up and come to eat. Dinner’s almost ready.”
Wilbur smiled at this generous man, genuinely thankful for his assistance. He was starving – hospital food leaves much to be desired and it was already late.

Cousins

Wilbur and Gere sat on the sofa, staring at the TV, but not focused on what was going on on-screen.
“So, these cousins of yours. They are not involved with anything bad, right?” Gere asked.
“Not at all, Gere. You know me. They are practically family.” Wilbur rubbed his eyebrows.
“What’s up with all these muggings?” Gere asked with severe annoyance.
“They had arrested the gang, last I heard. Yet, here we are. My cousins are scared to go out in that neighborhood and have requested if they could stay over, just for a couple of days.”
“Yeah. Of course. Your family is my family. You know that, right?”
“Thanks Gere. You are a saint.”
“Meh! Don’t worry. It’s not like I am using those rooms anyway.” Gere took a pause. “How’s your job search going?”
“Same old, same old. The job market isn’t really that good right now.”
“But it’s been four months already,” Gere said with genuine concern. “Now you are scaring me. What if I lose my job? In this market, I don’t think I can get another anytime soon.”
“Hey, man. Just be grateful that you still have your job. I don’t know what I will do. The exorbitant interest rates Mr. Hanson is imposing on me have been piling up. Now I must pay 3 months’ rent. Without a job, I can’t even repay one.”
“Don’t worry too much.” Gere rubbed Wilbur’s head. “Just bring your cousins in, enjoy some quality time with your fam.”
“Will do. How’s your Karate lessons going?” Wilbur asked.
“Got my Brown belt. Can’t skip classes when my office is paying for a hobby,” Gere said with a smile. “Much better than the gym membership they offered me.”

Mugging

Gere walked out of the bank, cashing his paycheck. Payday was always on the 7th of the month and he eagerly waited for this day, every month. He preferred to use cash since he would often have to lend some to his roommates - if one could call them that.
Gere walked down the pavement, counting the cash again. Distracted, he almost bumped into someone around the corner.
“Hey! Wilbur. What are you doing out here, man?” Gere asked with a tired smile.
“Gere, buddy. I need some money, very urgently,” Wilbur said.
“Well… sure. But you could have waited till I got home.”
Wilbur just snatched the wad of cash from his hands.
“Hey!”
“Thanks, man. I owe you one. I just need to pay Mr. Hanson back, before he increases the interest.”
Gere grabbed him by the arm and stopped him from leaving. “That’s not cool, bro. Give it back. We still have to budget for the whole month.”
“Let go of me,” Wilbur said, glaring at him.
“What’s gotten into- ” Gere was knocked in the head from behind, before he could finish his sentence.
As he drifted into unconsciousness, he remembered seeing Wilbur walk away with one of his cousins and his hard-earned money.

Interloper

Gere opened his door with the keys and froze at the sight. Wilbur and his cousins were sitting on the sofa, drinking beer and eating pizza while watching a game.
“You attacked me!” Gere exclaimed, seeing their audacity. “Give me my money and get out of my house.”
Wilbur put down his beer and shrugged, “Or what?”
“You caught me off-guard back then,” Gere growled. “Or what? Or else, I will make you.”
All four of them stood up and spread their arms. “Make me, then, fool. In case you haven’t noticed, you are outnumbered.”
Before Gere could say anything, one of the cousins rushed forth and threw a punch at him. Gere parried the blow with his forearm, moving in closer to hit him in the solar plexus with his knee. Regardless of how confident Gere was or his aptitude in fighting, Wilbur did have the number advantage.
Before Gere could even turn towards the other assailants, Wilbur and his cousins just grabbed him haphazardly from all directions and pinned him down to the ground. Wilbur turned to one of his cousins, once they secured Gere down.
“Call 911.”
“911?” Gere shouted. “Yeah. That’s a mighty fine idea. Bring out the boys in uniform.”

Bail

Gere sat in his cell with his head in his hands. He might have gotten a bit too excited and failed to explain the entire situation to the cops. In retrospect, even he would have considered himself a threat if he were in the cop’s shoes.
There was a bang on the cell door. “Come on out. Your bail has been posted.”
Gere came out to see Phyllis, his lawyer, waiting to pick him up.
“Good to see me?” Phyllis asked.
“You have no idea,” Gere said, rubbing the bump on his head that he suffered when the Wilburs pinned him to the ground.
“You are in big trouble, Gere,” Phyllis reminded, handing him his belongings.
They walked out of the station, got into Phyllis’ car, and finally had the chance to talk. Gere explained everything to Phyllis.
“I see. I will be honest, Gere: things are looking bad for you,” Phyllis blurted in a matter-of-fact way.
“What? How so? They were in my house, with my money. You could just present them as intruders.”
“Intruders? Too many witnesses will admit that you let them stay with you for five months now. That won’t stick.” Phyllis increased the fan speed of the AC while driving.
“What? What about my money? They attacked me and stole it.” Gere felt his voice rising, yet again, just like it happened back with the police.
“You didn’t see the attacker, did you? You said you were attacked from behind.”
“But I saw them walk away.”
“Half unconscious and still without proof that they did it. Circumstantial at best.”
“But they attacked me at my house as well,” Gere yelled.
“When the cops came, the big guy had a bleeding nose and a severe bruise on his abdomen. They have the proof that you attacked them. You don’t. Now it’s their words against yours. And in court, four is better than one.” Phyllis turned the car and continued.
“Besides, that’s not your house either.”
“What do you mean that’s not my house?” Gere asked in genuine confusion.
“They got some documents from the realtor’s association. They are claiming that the house was due to be demolished due to some new regulations they had set up. Some Hanson drew up the papers.”
“Who is he to sign the deeds to my house?” Gere shouted in frustration.
“The head of The Realtor’s Association. Your house is halting the development of the area that the realtors are planning. Even the mayor approved it. But don’t worry. This is one thing we can bring to the court. All your neighbors are willing to testify your legitimacy as the owner as well as give character affirmation. I think there’s hope. Finger’s crossed.”

Evicted

Gere stood at his own doorstep, staring murder at Wilbur, smiling at him. Phyllis stood at a safe distance, not ready to get into a physical altercation, should one begin.
“Here’s your phone and your laptop, Gere,” Wilbur said, handing him the things.
With his judgment clouded by anger and confusion, he just took them from his hand.
“What’s the meaning of this?” Gere demanded.
“I am offering you your phone and laptop. It’s a good deal. Take it and leave. You are being evicted from House Wilbur.”
Gere walked up to Phyllis and handed her his possessions. Before Phyllis or Wilbur could realize what was going on, Gere turned around to land a mighty side-kick into Wilbur’s face.

Court

“Will you please tell the court what happened on October 7th?” the prosecutor inquired.
“I got mugged on my way home from the bank.”
“And you claim that Mr. Wilbur had mugged you, right?”
“Yes,” Gere replied.
“Did you see the attacker?”
“Yes.”
“Where did the attacker hit you?”
“On the back of my head.”
“Then how could you have seen him? Do you have eyes on the back of your head, Mr. Gere?”
The entire courtroom laughed. The judge silenced them with his gavel.
“I saw them leave before going unconscious.”
“So, you took this circumstantial evidence as a reason to go home and attack them? You weren’t even in your right mind, half unconscious.”
“I didn’t attack them. They attacked me first.”
“Your honor, let these four testimonies and Exhibit. B, photos of the injuries on Mr. Wilbur’s cousin’s body show that Mr. Gere was the first to attack.”
“Yes, that’s because they punched me and I blocked it, before fighting back!” Gere begged.
“So, you admit to attacking them.”
“Objection. Leading the witness.” Phyllis stood up.
“Sustained,” the Judge allowed.
“Regardless. There is no doubt about the attacks, given the evidence.”
“It was self-defense!” Gere shouted.
“Of course it was. Mr. Wilbur and his cousins have the right to defend themselves,” the prosecutor said with a wink.
“They came into my house and attacked me! How can they be defending themselves?” Gere asked.
“House Wilbur isn’t your house, Mr. Gere. We have documents to prove that.”
“Nonsense! All my neighbors have testified that I have been living there for generations!”
“If your neighbors love you so much and if you are such a great guy, according to them, why aren’t they taking you into their home? Why are you just spending your days harassing Mr. Wilbur? Is it not true that you have assaulted him multiple times after that and violated your restraining order?”
Gere remained silent.
“Let this be known, Milord, that Mr. Gere has even dug a tunnel under the boundary wall to sneak in and attack Mr. Wilbur. Luckily, his karate lessons being paid for by his company, could not help him against four grown men with the law on their side.”
“They mugged me and invaded my home!” Gere shouted.
“Are you denying that Mr. Wilbur has been mugged and subjected to terrible torture a few months back?”
“What? No. How is this relevant?” Gere asked.
“And even his cousins were mugged, which forced them to escape to your house.”
“My house.”
“Pardon me, your honor. I misspoke. It’s just a slip of the tongue. My client, Mr. Wilbur, wants nothing but to make peace with Mr. Gere. In fact, he has offered Mr. Gere his phone and laptop to broker peace.”
“They took my house! What am I going to do with a Laptop and a Phone? I want my house back!”
The judge shouted, “Order, Order.”
“Milord. Mr. Wilbur has a lineage dating back to the Native Americans. According to this Genealogy and this DNA report, he is one part Native American and thirty-one parts German. That means, his ancestors, the native Americans, were the original owners of all the lands around here. That makes him the rightful owner of that house today. Furthermore, Mr. Wilbur’s mother has promised him a home should he work hard. And we all know how much hardships he went through. He got mugged and hospitalized. Mr. Gere is denying that he and his cousins got mugged.”
The masses in the court and jury just nodded in agreement. Upon seeing this reaction, the Prosecutor raised his voice to present his closing statement.
“Mr. Wilbur is an innocent man, who just can’t catch a break. The muggers, you, and your neighbors; no one is just ready to leave Mr. Wilbur alone. His mother has promised him a home and you are denying him that. His ancestors were from here and you are denying him that.”
The judge turned to look Gere in the eyes, unblinking. The whole court remained silent for a few seconds before the Judge made his verdict.
“Should Mr. Wilbur want to press more charges against you, all of them will be added to your sentence. You, Mr. Gere, are a terrorist. And I condemn you to prison for life, without food, water, or electricity.”

My 10.5 year old Cur mix, Bogart, passed away 2 days ago. He died peacefully in my arms here at home and I'm thankful that he didn't suffer. He had terminal bladder cancer (transitional cell carcinoma) which started late October 2022 and he was on chemotherapy since official diagnosis in late December 2022/January 2023. So I knew this was coming for awhile, but he tolerated treatments well and had very few bad days considering the circumstances.
I adopted him when he was just a couple months old and we've been soul mates ever since. He was a nervous rescue and didn't trust many people, but he always came to me for comfort and I always felt such a strong bond with him. Now I feel dead inside, like my soul left with him. I'm struggling to feel anything lately and am completely crushed. My wife and I don't have a ton of friends or family, so we're very close with our dogs. We have 2 other dogs and a 2 month old baby, all of whom I know I love immensely, but I just feel broken and devastated.
He was doing so great recently...Friday morning he ate his breakfast, went pee/poop normally, and by 3pm he was completely obstructed and couldn't urinate. We took him to the ER that night and they emptied his bladder with a catheter, and I was hoping they could clear the obstruction, but I suspect it was the tumor spreading because we had no luck. By Saturday morning he couldn't pee and seemed uncomfortable and my options were very limited....I knew I didn't want to put him through surgery this far down the line, since he was on his last chemo option and we almost lost him just a month prior. I know I made the right decision, but it fucking sucks.
As soon as he was diagnosed, I wanted to make sure he lived every day like it was his last. So for a year and a half, he ate delicious home-cooked meals and received more love than one can imagine. I have no regrets in how I treated him over the years, I'm just devastated over his loss and could use some words of encouragement.
I wrote a letter as a sort of tribute to him after his passing and wanted to share it, along with one of my favorite photos of us.
https://i.imgur.com/RHyEGpa.jpeg
Bogart,
We knew you wouldn’t win the battle, but you put up one hell of a fight. I’m proud of you for that, and I’m so thankful for the extra time we had together. I still can’t believe you’re gone, and how rapidly things went from seemingly fine to an emergency. It was always in the back of my mind, but now that it’s actually become reality, it’s just such a shock. Knowing your days were numbered was very hard for me, but I always made sure to use that knowledge for your benefit - for a year and a half, you got to eat meals that would make most humans jealous, and you were loved that much more. I know you enjoyed that. You were by my side for 10 years, 2 months and 13 days…through multiple job/career changes, moves between different states and many vacations, from meeting Rachel to getting married and now having a baby. No matter the circumstances, where we stayed or how long we were there, you made it home and loved unconditionally. And for the last 50+ months I was able to work from home and spend that much more time with you…how cool is that?
I’ll never forget how much fun we had over the years, letting you run free in Ed Wilson’s yard and the baseball fields at Halpatiokee, all the time we spent in our yard in North Carolina, having you chase the motorcycle and golf cart for exercise, all the love you got from our family and neighbors. I’ll never forget how gently you’d give us your paw, or when I’d be sleeping with my hand hanging off the bed and suddenly feel your head appear for scratches. You were so tough when you patrolled the perimeter of the yard or met a new person, but you’d scamper out of the room whenever I sneezed. I loved how you’d march your front paws erratically whenever you got excited for treats, your weird pretzel-like positions you’d end up in on the couch, watching you chase rabbits in your sleep and waiting to see how much your tongue would creep out, your epic yoga moves, the lion king wars with your sisters, and how you’d randomly lie on your back with your teeth showing, waiting for belly rubs. Preparing your food and seeing you lose your mind over all the pulled pork, steak, chicken, or whatever else was on the menu, always made my day, and I loved when you rolled around on your back in some kind of crazy victory lap after a good meal or treat. And above all else, my favorite memories were all the times you’d snuggle with me and fall asleep snoring loudly on my chest with your head right in my face. I never was able to fall asleep like that, but I didn’t care because I loved every moment of it. And I’m so happy you were able to meet and protect your baby sister.
You were the most loving, loyal, attentive and protective companion one could ask for and you represent love in its purest form. Saying goodbye to you has been the most painful, gut-wrenching experience of my life and no amount of physical pain can compare to the emotional pain I feel from losing you. I feel like my heart has been ripped out, because such a big piece of it left with you. You’ll always be my best friend, and the special bond we share will live on forever. We will meet again, but until that day comes, I will miss you more than words can describe.
I love you Bogie.

First Previous Next
*Knock* *Knock*
A soft knock gently woke me up from my dreamless slumber. When I opened my eyes, I was met with a pitch black expanse. I noted that the retina-destroying light bulb must have been turned off at some point. Feeling around, I could feel my body was less sore then it was the previous, what I’ve taken to calling sleep cycles, as it didn’t feel quite right to call anything night or day anymore.
Still, though, I could feel a distinct pang of pain that shot through me every time I tried to perform an action more complex than raising my right hand, while doing anything with my left was completely out of the picture. With apprehension, I crossed my right arm across my body to gently grope around my left in an attempt to find the part that was actually broken, but it was to no avail, as all I achieved in doing so was hurting myself.
*Knock* *Knock*
Oh right, the door. Were they waiting for me to allow them in? In that case, this definitely isn’t Guard.
“You can come in.” I yelled hesitantly.
The door flew open at such speed that I wouldn't be surprised if the door fell off its space hinges. In the doorway, a figure stood. I couldn’t quite identify their features, but their silhouette was enough to identify the fact they weren’t too tall, by space standards, of course. They still appeared to be easily 6 foot, but at this point I could barely even consider that height tall. No, what actually grabbed my attention was the several appendages that were attached to the top of their head, and that were currently freely swaying in the wind, like seaweed in the ocean. One was currently wrapped around the door knob, clueing me into the fact they were also completely autonomous. Honestly, they reminded me a lot of… tentacles. Shit.
“S-Sorry.” Their voice and movement was shaky and erratic. They walked inside the room before quickly closing the door behind them, their features now much more visible, including the dark yellow coat and pitch black pants they wore. The gray skin across their slightly, to be nice I’ll just say chubby, body was the first notable feature. The second was the feathery gills almost identical to those of axolotl’s on the side of their head. Their face was soft, like the rest of the body, with a giant pair of pink, egg-shaped eyes that hadn't yet left the floor. Their bottom and top lip were not long enough to connect, leading to their mouth being permanently open. Their cone shaped head started pointed at the chin area, and widened out until it was big enough to accommodate the multitude of appendages on their head. They truly looked like an evolved axolotl, sans tail. “I’ve been working out recently, g-guess I don’t know my own strengths anymore.” They nervously chuckled while rubbing their webbed hands together.
“Uh, it’s alright. I mean, it’s not my door so I don’t mind.” I said in an attempt to comfort them. “No shame in working out. It’s clearly effective, right?” At this, the feathery gills adorning their head pulsed slightly in a pink light, before quickly returning to their non-luminescent state. For the first time since they came into the room, they looked at me.
“A-are you the Hum’un.”
“Who are you?” I tried not to be rude, as so far they had given me no reason to be, but it was also imperative I didn’t let my guard down. Better safe than sorry.
“Doctor!” They practically yelled, before seemingly becoming embarrassed. “Sorry, I’m sorry. Doctor, a-as in, that’s wh-what I am. For you. That is.” Christ, and I thought I was nervous.
“What would a doctor of a different species do for me? We don't exactly share the same body.” I tried to not be confrontational, but at the same time, it was a real concern that I knew might impede any help I could receive.
“N-no worries, I’m no regular physician, I’m a trained interspecies specialist, specifically employed to help with whatever ailments might have befallen you. I have certifications in 7 different medical departments, over 8 polar cycles in non-primary education, have treated all sorts of species throughout the galaxy, almost-” I tuned out their accomplishments by this point, letting the ramblings just wash over me. They. I’ve just been saying they as a placeholder until I could figure out their gender, but maybe it was silly to assume an alien would always be male or female, especially considering this probably wasn’t even a mammal, judging by their aquatic look and the fact they lacked any mammary tissue. I mean, so do I, but… whatever. They would probably be fine. “Isn’t that impressive?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah it is. Great job.” I gave a reassuring smile that they appeared to have appreciated. “So, do we begin now, or?” I cut myself off to give them an opening to talk, as it didn’t seem in their nature to have the confidence to initiate.
“Y-yes, of course.” They walked up to the side of my bed before continuing. “I have been tasked with going over any injuries you may have sustained during your last mission. Is this correct?”
“I was hurt pretty bad, yes.”
“Great! Not because you were hurt, of course, just as in, you know.” The gills pulsated again.
“Calm down, I get it.”
“Mhm, of course.” They looked around before continuing. “Before we begin, mind answering a couple survey questions? It won't take long.”
“Questions? Really?” My patience for any sort of questions had run thin after yesterday's fiasco, and it wasn’t something I wanted repeated.
“J-just a couple regarding who you are. It will help me treat you b-better.”
“Fine.”
“Perfect!” They ruffled through coat pockets using the appendages on their head before pulling out a crumpled piece of paper. “Firstly, are you a mammal? Yes or no.”
“Yes.” They emerged a small circle shaped object from their pocket before gliding it gently across the paper, leaving a symbol containing a large circle on the outside with different sized circles on the inside..
“Second, what is your gender?”
“Male.” Again, the object gently flew across the paper.
“Thirdly, does your blood contain any chemicals?”
“Mainly copper, but also some other metals like iron.” I explained. I hoped they wouldn’t ask any questions about my anatomy more complex than that, as my limited biology knowledge wouldn’t get me very far. “Also oxygen. A lot of oxygen.” With one last swipe on the paper, they folded the paper back up before stuffing it back into a pocket.
“Thank you so much for cooperating! You know, you’re nowhere near as aggressive as they said you would be.” The doctor spoke absentmindedly as the appendages began to pull out instruments from their pockets.
“Really? They labeled me as “aggressive?” Maybe if they didn’t try to tear me down at every opportunity, I wouldn’t have a reason to be “aggressive.” Have they ever thought about that?” I steadily raised my voice, making sure that anyone outside could hear me.
“No! Th-that's not it at all. They just implied it because injured animals are usually more aggressive. That’s all!” They sputtered in an attempt to reassure me.
“Animal? Fucking animal?” I muttered incredulously. That implication made me fume. “I’m not some stupid animal that broke its paw; some animal that would die in the wilderness without aid. If I was left in that forest, guess what? I would have found a way to survive. My species was built to survive.” In an attempt to show the doctor what I meant, I decided, for the first time since I was getting knocked around by drones, to move on my legs. I carelessly moved my legs off the bed before gaining enough ambition to jump off.
“Y-You really shouldn’t do that!” The doctor warned, taking a step back to avoid my wake. As I was too focused trying to grow accustomed to the weakness in my legs, I ignored them. I couldn’t stand on my own, instead opting to use the support of the bedside desk as support. Whether this was because I hadn’t used my legs in over a day, or because of any sort of injuries I may have sustained, I wasn’t sure, but ultimately it didn’t matter, as the result was still the same. “Please, sit back-”
“SHUT UP!” They jumped back, almost falling over in the process. Damn it, I didn’t mean to yell, it was just the strain I was putting on myself that made it hard to regulate my volume. Still, it was obvious what they were implying through their facade of “concern.” “I can, ugh, I can do this, back off!” I swung my arm forward for no real reason. They were too far away to hit, being more off a signal to not get near. I took another step.”
“Please, don’t come any closer.” Their voice was soft but at the same time obviously urgent. “You’ll get yourself hur-”
“That’s what you think.” I took another step. “You think you already know me.” Another step. Unfiltered resentment spilled out of me as I continued to move forward, despite the pain in my legs. “You don’t know anything about me. You, no, they all think they know what makes me tick. How to keep me down.”
“Don’t take another step.” Their appendages going wild, each either wrapping around themself for protection, or sticking forward at me. “I-I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Try it.”
“W-what?”
“Try it. Try to hurt me. You lay even a single one of those tentacles on me, I will rip each one off your stout head, Axolotl.” With one final step, I was now far enough away to no longer reach the desk, but even without it, I stood. “So try it, because you have no idea what I’m cap-AGHHHH!” Before I could react, an invisible stream of electricity shot out from a device one of the appendages was holding, sending bolts of pure lightning through my veins.
The sudden pain was intense enough to make me blackout for a couple of seconds. Even after, my vision was still blurry, and all I could hear was a piercing ring. I could feel my legs give out from under me as I fruitlessly swung my arms in all directions to find something for support. This was unsuccessful, and in a moment, I was off my feet and cascading to the ground. I closed my eyes and braced myself for impact, for the feeling of smashing my already broken arm into the ground, but that feeling never came. Instead, I felt multiple firm, long limbs brace around my waist, my legs, and across my chest, keeping me upright.
My brain was too fried to be confused, to fight back, so instead I leaned into the appendages. They didn’t wrap around me tightly, just enough to keep me supported. They slithered across my surface, trying to find crooks in my body for better leverage, or so I assumed. Eventually, they found some appropriate spots to wrap around for the best support. It was comfortable for me. So comfortable, in fact, I didn’t even notice my feet leave the ground.
When I did, I didn’t even have the energy to react,simply going limp in their grasp. I was in the air for what felt like an eternity, which, in reality, was probably 30 seconds at most. I was enveloped by the feeling of my cushy bed. I was pressed into it with more force than was suitable, though I suppose it was a subliminal message to me that I shouldn’t try to leave it. The appendages untangled from my body and soon, all I could see, hear, and process was a faint ringing in my ear and blurred vision that left me in no position to even try and speak.
This lasted for several minutes as I was stuck between what felt like two planes of reality. It was a disorienting mess of stimuli that I had no way of understanding in the state I was in, like how seizures are described. Was I having a seizure?
Several more moments passed, and right as I started to consider that option seriously, my vision slowly began restoring itself around the edges. So did any physical sensation outside of the after shock, shortly afterward. My tongue still felt heavy in my mouth, though, and the taste of copper still lingered, similar to the taste of a bag of electrified pennies shoved down my throat.
That’s just about when I finally heard them again.
“-and I know I shouldn’t have but I got scared and again I’m sorry I didn’t know it was on full charge and I should have checked but also I should have never used it because I was capable of stopping you without it but I was scared and I was in no authority to use it and I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry-”
I attempted a response to the ramblings that had been going on for however long, but all that came out was a bemused grunt followed by a coughing fit. It wasn’t very effective in communicating anything, not even being loud enough to get their attention. So I tried again. “Sss.”
They jumped back at the loud hissing sound. “A-a-are you okay?”
“Ss-shut up.” I practically gurgled out from the depths of my throat. “You talk too much.”
“O-oh th-thank goodness you’re ok. I’m so sorry about this. I shouldn’t have shot the Tuca’p, it was brazzen and unprofessional of me. I should have done something, anything other then-”
“Shut up.” Their expression dropped. “Quit making so many excuses, you don’t need any. I was being a dick to you, which you didn’t deserve. You were only reciting what they said. I shouldn’t have taken that out on you.” Despite everything, I’m glad I never lost the ability to find humor in a facial expression, because the one I was witnessing was priceless. I would have laughed if I’d remembered. “You know, you're not too bad.”
“I-I don’t-I’m not sure what it is-excuse me, I don’t… Thank you.” Their gills flushed a vibrant hue of pink light, filling the entire room for only a moment. “Thank you.”
I picked myself up from the groove in the bed. “Why were you here again?”
“Oh, right!” Instantly, the appendages shot in all directions, some grabbing tools from their pockets, off the desk, while two latched under my arms, and another around my waist. “Is this alright?”
“Sure.”
“Ok, perfect!” They got closer to me, really close, actually, and brought the tools along. “Now, firstly, I’m going to gently move your limbs, and you’re going to tell me if anything hurts, ok?”
“Understood.” Without further warning, the appendages wrapped around the base of my arm next to the shoulder and began to rhythmically shake them. Instantly, I felt a sharp pain in my left bicep. “Fuck.”
“Where?”
“Left. Left arm.”
“Can you use your right to show the afflicted area.” At this point, it was less of a question and more of a command. Without another word, I wriggled my right hand out of their grip and ran my fingers across the afflicted parts of my arm. This ended up consisting of the entirety of it from my shoulder to just before my hand. Damn, I must have really messed myself up.
“Right here.”
“Interesting.” The limbs suddenly left my arms and briefly went to my legs. “Anything?” They asked as they shook my legs firmly.
“No.”
“What about-” They cut themselves off while two appendages ran across my torso and body. As they went, they firmly pressed against me in another attempt to find any pain.
“I don’t think your going to find anything broken ther-shit!” The limbs immediately stopped at the point I made noise.
“Interesting.” They lightly pressed down on the spot, eliciting the same reaction from me.
“Mind telling me what's here?”
“As in bone structure? Well, on either side of my body I have 12 bones that wrap around the interior of myself. We call it a ribcage, ‘cause it’s like a cage.” It was weird to describe an aspect of the human body that is so ubiquitous that in any other circumstance, would not even require a second breath.
“From what I can feel,” they pressed down against the spot again for emphasis, “ It appears something is looser than the other bones around it. Is that normal?”
“No, I think I might have cracked a rib.”
“Will you heal on your own?”
“Aside from getting a limb chopped off, I can heal from just about anything given enough time.”
“Impressive.” They paused awkwardly like they were about to continue, but stopped before the words could leave their mouth, instead just hanging agape like a fish drowning in air. “”Y-you’re impressive.”
The last stutter made me realize how they were completely stutter-free for the entirety of the check-up. Turns out being good at a job brings out the confidence in someone. It was funny, ‘cause I could relate.
“I know.” I couldn’t help but give a smug smile. “Of course I know!”
“I’m glad.” From a coat pocket, they pulled out a small square with a sac full of a purple liquid on the back. On the front, small metal teeth lined the edges of the square, all of which protruded perfectly forward. “That being said, I have some medicine that will speed up the process. Now, if you’ll just stick out an arm.” The appendage slithered its way up the length of my arm and gripped tightly at the elbow. Without further pause, the strange square was pushed into my arm, and started to inject itself into my bloodstream.
The sensation was strange, feeling like an ice cold liquid was dumped directly into my veins. I flinched and yanked my arm back, the square unbothered by this sudden movement as it was completely dug into my arm.
“How is this going to help exactly?”
“The liquid should fuse with your blood cells and increase their proficiency. Y-You have blood cells, right?”
“Yes, I have blood cells. What doesn’t?”
“I don’t know, it's just you’re strange.”
“I know I am, a lot of people have been telling me that recently.” When the square was just about finished depositing the liquid, I yanked it out from my arm and threw it on the nearby desk. “A lot of people.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What was that?”
“I’m sorry The Council and their team haven't met your expectations of decency.” They spoke with a smooth tone that made it clear every word was carefully chosen. “And I’m sorry I contributed to that when I unintentionally disrespected you earlier. I never want anyone to feel that way. I know how it can feel.”
I didn’t respond, not because I understood them, or appreciated the apology, or the words that should have given me some sense of retribution, but because I had nothing to say. The words were phony, they rang hollow because I knew they had no worth whatsoever. What would I do with a sorry, and what did they even represent? That they cared? I think I could count the amount of people who have ever had genuine respect for me on one hand, and even then, that takes time. I have no reason to believe this one who I met 20 minutes ago had any reason to care, so I said nothing.
“W-well, I should be going now. I checked on all parts of your body, and judging by the amount of damage, you should be back up and running in barley a couple Anex’s, so I see no reason why you should worry.”
“Ok.” Their expression faltered, this time giving me no amusement. “Thanks.” I turned away from them, and proceeded to focus on the machines whirling next to me as a distraction until they left.
Finally, after a minute or so, I started to hear footsteps walk towards the door. Then, “You’re not what they say you are.”
“...”
“I know we just met, and I know we don’t know anything about each other but… I know you’re more than some aggressive fighter, more than what's under the surface.”
“...”
“I just… I just don’t believe they know that. Neither do you.” The door opened, signifying their exit. “By the way, I’ll deliver you some clothes next Anex.” And just like that, they were gone.
I didn’t understand that last statement for a minute, before looking down and suddenly remembering I was completely naked save for the crumpled blanket that lay on the floor. ‘Shit, have I been like this the entire time?’ The embarrassment that filled me was immense, and honestly made me laugh with how I didn’t notice. It was enough to, briefly, distract me from what they said to me.
I wanted to act like they had no effect on me, like with the apology, but for some reason I just couldn’t. The words clung to me, and I couldn’t help but ponder them. It was only when I reminded myself of the fact we had only briefly interacted, and that they had no knowledge of me as a person, that I threw the statement to the side to forget about. ‘First impressions are often misleading.’
They were interesting, that's for sure, but they quickly left my mind. What replaced it was the persistent thought that I was weak for rotting in this bed the past couple days. Sure I needed to heal, but by this point, it was plenty. I knew I needed to make myself feel better, and the only way I could was by proving those days of rest meant something. To prove this, I was going to walk.
I had already done it, but that was done for a different reason, and I wanted to prove it wasn’t a one time thing. So I scooted off the bed and with a deep breath, I put both legs on the ground. The immediate pain I felt made me question how I was even able to do it the first time. Still I didn’t let it deter me, and with one step in front of the other, I moved. I moved forward, not gracefully, not quickly, but I moved forward, like I was taught to do.
I touched the wall on the other side of the room and briefly rested against it for support, before walking back to the bed, then back to the wall, over, and over, and over again. The repetition showed it was worth it, showed that I was, in fact, a fighter.
‘Ha, shows what they know.’

We killed Joseph Glass for the first time on August 18th, 1999.
I knew he was a strange case since day one. Never seen a guy so happy to die before. It was like we were doing him a favor. He refused the automatic appeal. He refused to be seen by a chaplain. He just wanted it over with. It had only taken a little over a year, and it was already time for him to make his appointment with God.
He freaked me out, just passing by his cell. He was like our very own Hannibal Lector, the way he just stood there in the back of his cell like he’d been waiting for you. The lights always burned out in any cell he was in, and maintenance had gotten tired of fixing them. Not that he seemed to mind in the slightest. The darkness seemed to swallow his top half, and all I could see were the whites of his beady little eyes poking out of all that black.
Billy drummed his baton against the bars. “Up and at ‘em, cowpoke,” he called in that mocking tone. “Time finally come for you to pay what you owe, you sick son of a—”
“Billy.” Warden Taft silenced him with a word. “If you can’t act like a professional, you’re going to have to sit this one out.”
Billy paused… and licked his chapped lips. “Naw,” he muttered. “This a show I can’t miss.”
Glass seemed to tick Billy off more than any prisoner before him. He liked ‘em to at least pretend to feel sorry for what they’ve done, or act scared of what’s coming to ‘em. This one didn’t even have the common decency to shed a tear. He was as stone-faced as a statue, even while being marched to the chair. Billy liked to joke sometimes that we ought to take the guy out back with some car batteries and really put the fear of God into him, get him to cut out that stoic act. I think he was only half-joking.
After what this guy did to those girls… well, Billy has a daughter, so I guess it struck a chord.
We all watched him fry. The warden, his closest men. The thin-faced man representing the Commissioner of Corrections. The prison physician. The families of those poor girls. It couldn’t have gone more by the book. Only oddity I’d noticed at the time was that the stench of death never quite left the clothes I’d worn that day.
And then the next morning, we came into work to see the whites of those beady little eyes staring at us from the darkness again. “Good morning, sirs,” he said, just as he did every morning, in that airy, hoarse little voice.
I’ll admit it. I dropped everything I was carrying, stumbled back, stammered like a confused child. Hell, I almost screamed. “You… you’re not… y-you’re supposed to be…”
“I don’t know what you mean, sir.” He leaned in like he was trying to stare a hole through my chest. His tone almost sounded disappointed. “You never came for me. You promised me that yesterday would be the end, sir, but you never came. I waited all night long. Why did you lie to me?”
Me and Taft looked at eachother. We both had the exact same question on our minds. If Glass was still alive… who the hell did we roll into the morgue last night?
“Jesus Christ.” Taft gagged when he pulled back the cadaver cover, stumbling away. “It’s Billy.”
I looked. I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it. And I’ll be forever haunted by the sight of my friend lying there on his back, mouth agape and cloudy eyes staring into the ceiling, open wide as if he’d spent his last moments in a state of terror.
The public never found out what happened. The cover up story was that poor Billy had been taken by cardiac arrest. Internally? It was the scandal to end all scandals. Worst case of incompetence and negligence in history, they called it. They brought the hammer down on anyone even tangentially involved. Me and Taft were out on our ears, and they would’ve prosecuted us too, but that would’ve required admitting it ever happened.
But I just could never wrap my head around it. Of those dozens of witnesses, not a single person noticed we were strapping a guard to the chair, not an inmate? It was impossible to the point of absurdity. Glass had been the man in that chair. I’d never been more certain of anything in my life.
Some months later, I noticed power flickering off all over the city one evening. It was brief, so I thought nothing of it. At least until I got a call from a familiar number the very next morning. “I understand you were one of the staff who regularly worked with one Joseph Glass. We would like to consult with you about an… evolving situation.”
“Oh?”
“At 7 PM yesterday, we attempted the execution of Joseph Glass for the second time.” There was a long pause, and when the voice returned, the professionalism had melted away, replaced with a baffled anxiety. “And, well… it, uh, it didn’t… it didn’t work.”
I blinked. “It didn’t… what?”
There came a long sigh. “Perhaps… it’d be best if you saw for yourself.”
And just like that, me and Taft had our jobs back.
Officially, Joseph Glass had been successfully executed on August 18th, 1999. Unofficially, they’d tried again six months later, just to tie up loose ends. This time, he hadn’t even had the courtesy to pretend to die. He just sat there on the chair, motionless and unaffected, while the CO who’d flipped the switch suddenly seized up and began to convulse, screaming and gnashing and wailing as electricity seared him beneath his skin, clawing at his chest until his eyes popped in his skull and rolled down his face like melted candle wax. All around him, lights flickering, machines bursting from pressure, electrical panels vomiting arcs of static. It was a mess.
The feds were crawling all over this case now, from a department I’ve never heard of. Something about investigating ‘preternatural activity’. They told me Glass was refusing to speak with anybody but the CO’s who’d once cared for him. Being walked into that interrogation room almost made me feel like I, myself, was a convict being marched to his execution.
Glass was staring at me when I walked in, like he’d been sat there, motionless, waiting for me. I expected nothing less. I took a shuddering breath as I sat across from him. I’d sat across from serial killers and psychos before and showed no hint of fear. But how could I not, now, sitting across from a man who can kill people without touching them? “Glass.”
“Officer Mendez.” His tone betrayed no emotion. “I had thought you’d abandoned me.”
I winced. “No. No, Glass, I’d just been… temporarily relieved. It’s… good to see you again. Would you like a glass of water?” I offered it to him. He didn’t even look at it. His eyes just bored into mine, relentless. “I… I’m here to ask you a few questions.”
Silence.
“Okay. Um… Glass, I need to know… how you killed Billy and Cramer.”
“I didn’t,” he replied. “It did.”
“It?”
“The thing standing behind you.”
I didn’t bother to turn around. I had enough experience with prisoners trying to trick me into looking the other way while they pulled off some half-baked escape plan. “Glass, please, let’s take this seriously,” I replied. “I’ve always treated you with respect, haven’t I? You’ve never had any problems with me.”
“Actually, I do. I have a problem with all of you.”
“Oh?”
“You here all believe that… death is a punishment.” There was the first hint of emotion I’d ever heard in his voice. “It’s not. It’s freedom — the only freedom. You promised me that gift. You promised me you’d let me die. You’ve given it to so many other prisoners, while leaving me behind. With all of your machines and your science and your knowledge… surely you can find a way, if anyone.”
My throat felt suddenly dry. I had to take a sip of the water myself, and hoped it would quell my burning nerves. “I… we’re… we’re trying our best, Glass. But you have to work with us. It may help if you told us… what, exactly, is preventing us from executing you?”
He moved for the first time. Leaning in, so slow as to be almost imperceptible. “It won’t let me die.”
And that’s when I felt a hand settle on my shoulder from behind.
Everything stopped. My lungs stopped inflating. I swear, my heart stopped beating, and my blood froze in place in my veins, and it all felt so cold. I could see the hand in the corner of my eyes, long and veiny and black. I could feel the breath on the back of my neck.
I’d once mocked the way deers froze in headlights. Now I understood. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t blink, I couldn’t think. I couldn’t even take a single breath. Even as my lungs began to cry out for air, and my vision blurred, and my thoughts melded together. All I could see was Joseph’s eyes staring into mine. Those infinite fathoms of darkness, that stygian sea that swirled and stormed and thundered in the blackness of his iris, and the eyes of things waiting a million leagues below the waters.
And I would have suffocated there, too terrified to even breathe, if those agents in black had not called off the interrogation then and come storming into the room.
Later, they showed me the tapes from the security camera. There’d been nothing behind me. Nothing placing its thin hand upon my shoulder. Nothing at all.
On May 7th, 2001, Glass was set to be executed for the third time — via hanging, or so I heard — in some government blacksite somewhere, far from prying eyes.
While it was set to happen, me and Taft were sharing glasses of scotch in his office, nominally to celebrate. Really, because we were scared. Taft always struck me as young at heart despite his years, but this was the first time the warden had ever looked truly, properly old. He watched the yard below as he had a drink. “Did I ever tell you why I chose this line of work, Mendez?”
I shook my head, and he sighed. “Back in `63, they found a woman’s body in the back seat of a burnt out car, in some state park near my neighborhood. A prostitute. One of her johns had… chopped her up. Burned all the evidence. And you know what got me, Mendez? Nobody cared. Nobody bothered to investigate. Who will notice one less hooker on the corner of 5th Avenue, right?”
“It… didn’t sit right with me. The way I see it, Mendez, every life matters. Even the ones we try and cast aside. Everybody’s got people who love them, and childhood memories, and all that. Everybody deserves justice. No matter who they were.” He set down his glass and looked me in the eyes. “So I joined the force. Got the case reopened. Found the guy. And I watched him fry. And I like to imagine she was there watching, too, as he burned.”
There was a tense moment. And then a chuckle. “Course, after that bullet to the hip in `71, I couldn’t walk the beat anymore. But I’ve been just as happy here. Watching justice be served… it makes me feel like there’s some kind of karmic order to the world. Good deeds and bad deeds get repaid in kind.”
It was clear there was something lurking beneath his words, some unspoken thesis. Eventually, with old, wrinkled, tired eyes, he said it. “I’ve thought about it, and… if Glass doesn’t die tonight, I’m finally going to retire, Mendez,” he confessed. “After what he did to those girls, what kind of… what kind of order can there be in a world, where a monster like that is just… beyond justice?”
I was shocked. Warden Taft always struck me as an unmoving fixture. What would we do without him? “He’ll die, sir,” I promised. “It’ll work this time. It has to.”
But he seemed deeply uncertain. With one last shuddering drink, he leaned forward. “His eyes.” He stared at my expression, as if desperate for me to understand, for me to know. “Those things… in his eyes. Haven’t you seen them?”
And at that moment, Taft was yanked up out of his chair.
It was so sudden, so inexplicable, I could barely register what I was witnessing. Some unseen force lifted him two or three feet above the ground, dangling him there. He choked, coughed and sputtered, desperate to gasp down air which would not come, and clawed at something around his neck which I could not see. He was hanging, I realized. And with wide, horrified eyes — the same as Billy’s had been — he silently begged me for help.
I sprang from my chair and wrapped my arms around his dangling legs. At first I tried to pull him down to the floor, but I realized it was only tightening the invisible noose around his neck. Then I tried lifting him as high as I could, which gave him some relief, but not much. Tears rolled down his face as it swelled and turned blue, and even though I could not see the noose, I could see the bruised purple skin where it had squeezed around his neck. All the while, I screamed myself hoarse. “Help! Somebody, please! Jesus Christ, we need help in here!” But nobody came.
And all of a sudden, some unseen forced seemed to sweep my feet out from under me.
I dropped like a bag of bricks, but I was so startled I maintained my grip around the warden’s legs. I fell and yanked him down with me, and his body suddenly jolted with a sickening crack.
It took me a while to manage the courage to look up at him. His neck had been stretched far too long, and his head was bent to the side at almost a 90 degree angle. Eyes wide, round and bloated tongue hanging from dry lips. And then whatever force had suspended him disappeared, and his body fell upon me while I screamed and screamed.
I came bursting from his office to find my coworkers casually chatting and working just outside. Somehow, despite all my screaming and begging while Taft was dying, none of them had heard a thing.
I took a page from Taft. I wanted out. We were dealing with something unholy here, something whose tendrils could reach any distance, and my life — who knows, maybe even my soul — was at hazard. But the agents in the sharp suits made one thing clear: if I refused to cooperate, well, I would make the perfect scapegoat for the murder of Warden Taft.
I was marched into the interrogation room to find a Joseph Glass that had abandoned all pretense of humanity. His eyes had darkened to a pure black. Or perhaps he had no eyes at all, only windows into some place of outer darkness. I was shaking like a leaf as I sat in front of him, feeling more like a prisoner than he was.
“M-m-mister… Glass.” No reply. I shuddered, trying to focus on my little piece of paper to distract myself from the blackness of his eyes. “I… I-I have some… questions I’m supposed to ask you. Is… is that okay?”
Silence. I take a deep breath. “How… old are you, Glass?” I thought it was just one of those basic questions. Conversation starters, really. I couldn’t have prepared myself for his answer.
“I am old, child.” His voice was nothing like I remembered. It was deep and low and rumbling, like there were multiple people speaking in unison, and all were equally ancient. “Older than you could possibly know. Older than this nation, and older even than the empire that once bore it.”
I had to fight the basic animal instinct to flee. Focus on the questions, I thought. “Why did you do… what you did to those girls?”
“Just so I could feel something again,” he whispered. “Anything.”
“Did you not feel the slightest bit of… guilt? Remorse?”
“You ask that… of me? Me, who has watched empires rise and fall?” He almost sounded amused. “Does time feel remorse? For time has killed far more than I. But mankind is like the hydra. All I’ve killed will be replaced by, essentially, identical stock, and in greater numbers. And then they will die and be replaced. And so the cycle will continue forever.”
“Did you expect me to pity them for being given the death I, myself, covet? Only the dead are given leave of the cycle. It is a blessing.” And suddenly, he stood from his chair, as if he’d never been restrained at all. “A blessing you promised me, Officer Mendes.”
I stared up at him in disbelief. “What — how did you —“ But I couldn’t even stammer a sentence out before he was upon me, crawling over the table with the eerie grace of a spider.
These were no longer the imperceptible hints of emotions I’d come to expect. It was like a switch had been flipped. Tears streamed down his cheeks, snarling with genuine rage, hurt, betrayal. And beneath those black seas in his eyes, all the things that haunted the fathoms below were rising to the surface. “You owe me a death. Make good on your word. Pay your debt.”
I cried out and recoiled from his every touch with disgust, but he was stronger than he looked. I couldn’t worm my way out of his impossible grip. “I won’t! Get off of me, you sick bastard!”
“Do it! Pay me what you owe!” It was like a thousand different voices screaming in my ear. Straining and weeping, I locked my hands around his neck and pressed my thumbs against his throat, trying to strangle him. But instead, I could just feel that grip upon my own neck, squeezing the life out of myself as my lungs burned for air. Yet I kept pressing harder and harder, as if hoping I might somehow break through whatever unholy force was protecting him.
And then those terrible hands grasped my shoulders again, and I was paralyzed by a terror that could be called nothing but ancient and primal. Like the thing standing behind me was the same force that had kept my ancestors huddled terrified in their caves a hundred thousand years ago, and every one of those voices was crying out to me through my very blood. And it pulled me from my chair, threw me as though I were weightless… and the next thing I knew, I was waking up in the infirmary.
Once more, none of this was captured on the security camera. In the footage, I just enter the room and have a seat with strange, almost robotic movements. And then the both us just sit there, staring at eachother, without speaking, without moving, without blinking. For an hour.
After this, Joseph Glass entered a catatonic state, and from then on refused to converse with even me. Now that my usefulness had ended, the agents discarded me like yesterday’s trash. Don’t even seem to care if I tell anybody. Who would believe me?
I thought I’d gotten lucky. That my nightmare was over. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Go sorting through any public records, and you won’t find a single mention of the name Joseph Glass. They’ve squirreled him away in that off-the-books blacksite and scrubbed away every other trace of him. I’d say he’d been unpersoned, if indeed he could ever be called a person at all. But they’re still trying every execution method in the book. I don’t know quite why. Maybe it’s for research. I’m sure the US military would love to find the secret to making its men as unkillable as Glass. And besides, they’re not the ones who have to deal with the consequences.
On June 3rd, 2005, they tried a firing squad. I know this because me and my wife were out on our second honeymoon, slow dancing by the lake at night to our favorite song, when I felt a wetness against my chest. I looked down to see her eyes as gray and dull as foggy glass, and her chest shredded to swiss cheese by rounds that made no sound.
On December 23rd, 2012, they tried lethal injection. That was the day they found my son’s car wrapped around a tree, and baffled coroners discovered that he was dead before the accident even occurred, his bloodstream polluted with Pavulon and potassium chloride.
It’s been years since I’ve isolated myself from everyone I knew, hermiting away in this cabin out in the middle of nowhere, and yet the stench of death still follows me. Just a couple years ago, I found a news report mentioning my nephew. Apparently, he’d been found completely exsanguinated, his veins emptied utterly despite no signs of a struggle. God knows what kind of arcane methods of execution they’re trying by now.
He’s not going to let me walk away from this. Not while I still owe him a debt.
But I’ve been doing some research, too. Research into those untold legions of things I witnessed staring up from that blackened sea in Glass’s eyes. I’ve learned things men were not meant to know. Practiced rites, assembled tools, ingredients. And I think I know where they’re keeping him. Even though they blindfolded me, I counted the second between every turn on our way to the blacksite, and I’ve since spent weeks watching the place, cataloging every entry point.
Maybe I’m slipping into madness. Or maybe I’ve truly found the way to put an end to the horror. To finally give this monster the justice that Taft would have wanted for him. Joseph Glass had been right about one, single thing: I have to pay what I owe.
Even if it kills me.

Introduction
Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) is a fatal, multisystem neurodegenerative disease that causes the death of motoneurons progressively and eventually leads to paralysis [1]. The etiology of sporadic ALS is still unclear [2]. ALS leads to death on average 2-4 years after the onset of symptoms [3].
From the Dharma point of view, all illnesses are divided into 2 categories: physical illness and karmic illness. This classification was designed by Master Lu. Generally speaking, if a disease cannot be cured by a doctor, it is a karmic illness. For physical illness, the patient should seek help from a doctor, and for karmic illness, the patient should seek help from Dharma. When karma flares, usually triggered by some factors, the spirit(s) (a respectful name of “ghost”) will occupy the patient. Then, it becomes a spiritual illness.
Since doctors cannot diagnose the cause and cannot treat it, ALS is apparently a karmic disease. In a Dharma Q&A program, Master Lu found a spirit of dead man occupying a lady’s body because she killed a pregnant big sea turtle in her previous life as a fisherman, causing her ALS this life [4]. Thus, we can conclude that ALS is a spiritual illness.
To treat a spiritual illness, you will need to ascend the spirit(s) occupying your body. Once the spirit(s) leave your body, you will recover your health. Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door teaches you how to ascend spirit(s).
Patient Wan, female, 46 (2012), Elementary School Degree, Hubei province, China
Once I was a totally ignorant sentient being. I have committed 4 of the 5 Buddhist precepts of killing, stealing, lust and delusion. I had two abortions, opened a restaurant for a year, sold lobsters, killed a lot of turtles. I have played mahjong for over 20 years and cheated at the mahjong table in order to win money while gambling. I have committed evil acts of sexual misconduct. I have created many oral karmas, for example, breaking up my brother's marriage. The terrible thing regarding ignorance is that I was doing something that hurt me, but I did not even know it, and I thought it was normal because many people did it, so I enjoyed doing it. I did not know that good and evil would be rewarded at the end of the day.
In 2012, at 46 years old, I realized I often fell while walking, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. In 2013, I was diagnosed with ALS in a hospital in Wuhan, China. Since 2015, I have been unable to take care of myself. Attempting to treat ALS, since 2013, I have tried nearly a hundred different medications, and for 3 months, I received treatment in the most advanced hospital in Beijing. Regardless, the deteriorating condition was not controlled. My body was weak, my neck was flaccid, not firm. I could not lift my head, and I could not speak clearly either. The only thing I could do was to write slowly on the cell phone. By 2019, the condition had become worse and worse. Since the onset of ALS, my shoulders and cervical spine have been unbearably painful. I would even choke while drinking and eating. After being tortured by ALS for 8 years I became shriveled and had lost over 5 kilograms of weight. I felt as if I had arrived at the end of my life.
Heaven never blocks a man's will, and there is always a way out. I appreciate Buddha and Bodhisattva for their mercy and care towards sentient beings. In May 2020, a Buddhism practitioner who practiced Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door sent me a chanting player. This was when I started my Buddhist journey reciting Buddhist scriptures daily. Perhaps because I had a strong affinity with Buddha in my previous generations, I was able to initiate and love studying the Dharma immediately from the very beginning.
Now, every morning after getting up and before starting the daily recitation, I drink a cup of Great Compassion Water, take the compound Danshen tablets, and drink a bowl of red dates, wolfberries and American ginseng juice. My daily recitation consists of: Great Compassion Mantra 49 times, Heart Sutra 49 times, Cundi Dharani 49 times, Xiao Zai Ji Xiang Shen Zhou 49 times, Amitabha Pure Land Rebirth Mantra 21-49 times, Mantra to Untie Karmic Knots 49 times, the Eighty-eight Buddhas Great Repentance Text 5 times, and Qi Fo Mie Zui Zhen Yan 108 times. Because oral karma is too heavy, to specifically eliminate it, I recite the Qi Fo Mie Zui Zhen Yan 108 times per day. I can recite 4 Little Houses every day.
In May 2021, I made 5 great vows:

1. Become a vegetarian for life.
   
2. Never kill beings.
   
3. Release 10,000 fish (time range was not set).
   
4. Recite 1000 Little Houses for my karmic creditors within 2 years.
   
5. After recovery, I will convince sentient beings to practice Buddhism using my experiences.
   

Every morning, I say the above 5 vows to Bodhisattva one time and, I also add: "I will rectify my past mistakes and will not create new karma for the rest of my life."
I am very grateful to the great Mercy of Guan Yin Bodhisattva! Twice I dreamed that Guan Yin Bodhisattva performed surgery in my head and throat to help me get rid of the pain. One day I was in a bad mood and that night, in my dream, I saw these large words "Do it even if it's hard!". I knew it was Merciful Guan Yin Bodhisattva spurring me to go on despite the odds! I appreciate the Bodhisattva for Her Great Compassion saving both my physical life and spiritual life without giving up! I am also grateful to the WeChat Buddhism practitioners for their unfailing support and help.
Compared to when I just began reciting Buddhist scriptures in May 2020, my speech speed has improved greatly, and I feel no pressure reciting Buddhist scriptures following the fast-talking version on the mobile phone. However, I still can't pronounce clearly; my speech is slurred. This may be the retribution resulting from my oral karma when I broke up my younger brother's marriage. When a man plants seeds, he should harvest what he planted. I only understood this truth after I studied Buddhism. As a Buddhism practitioner one must be cautious to avoid generating karma, particularly, do not get involved in cause and effect of others carelessly.
Although I have only practiced Buddhism for 1 year, I am delighted that my illness has been effectively controlled and the wellness of my body has improved. I have regained weight and strength. There are no atrophied muscles anymore. Now, I can stand up on my own from a stool. My tongue is also much more flexible, my throat is unobstructed, I am able to swallow, and food and water no longer make me choke. All this progress convinced me that studying Buddhism and reciting Buddhist scriptures can definitely change my miserable destiny! It takes more than one day to freeze three feet of ice; it also takes more than one day to melt the ice. I don't dare to wish to fully recover immediately, because the long-standing karma from years of killing, stealing, lust and delusion cannot be eliminated overnight. As long as I keep practicing, my condition will definitely improve!
I am grateful for the disease that allowed me to enter the Dharma Door. Looking back on those days when I could not even have the strength to kill myself, my life was worse than death, just like living hell on earth. In contrast, I live a happy life today. Practicing Buddhism has not only placed my body on the road to recovery, but it has also helped me place my mind in the right place to understand what it means to be a human being. I will cherish my Buddha's affinity and spiritual life, practice Buddhism and cultivate my mind, in order to acknowledge the Buddha and Bodhisattva's grace!
References
[1] Sonkodi B et al. 2022. Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis and delayed onset muscle soreness in light of the impaired blink and stretch reflexes - watch out for Piezo2. Open Med (Wars). 2022 Mar 1;17(1):397-402.
[2] Newell ME et al. 2022. Systematic and state-of the science review of the role of environmental factors in Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) or Lou Gehrig's Disease.
Sci Total Environ. 2022 Apr 15;817:152504.
[3] Erdmann A et al. 2022. Talking about the end of life: communication patterns in amyotrophic lateral sclerosis - a scoping review. Palliat Care Soc Pract. 2022 Mar 15;16:26323524221083676.
[4] 卢军宏，《玄艺综述》2017年6月27日，时间 00:32 - 11:00
Shared by: Dharma Practitioner Wan, Gratitude and Namaste!
Translated by: Frank
2021-06-01 received
2021-07-27 Chinese version
2022-03-29 English version
Statement by Translator

1. The story was translated from Chinese into English by meaning, not word by word. If there is anything that is not rational or in line with the true meaning of the Chinese version, I’d like to seek forgiveness from the Greatly Merciful and Greatly Compassionate Guan Yin Bodhisattva, all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, Dharma protectors and Master Jun Hong Lu.
   
2. Author Wan was interviewed by Frank during the translation for the detailed information.
   

Propagation
It would be greatly appreciated if you would forward this presentation to all sentient beings you know, sick or healthy. You will accumulate immeasurable merits and virtues. Saving a life is more meritorious than building a seven-floor pagoda!
Would you like to change your destiny?
We will show you how to do the Five Golden Buddhist Practices of Guan Yin Citta Dharma Door: (1) making vows, (2) reciting Buddhist scriptures (sutras and mantras), (3) performing life liberation, (4) reading Buddhism in Plain Terms, and (5) repenting. You will personally witness how you and your family can achieve physical and mental stability, relief from illness and grievances, wisdom growth, academic progress, career advancement, and family happiness through Dharma. It’s free of charge.
Contact
Buddhist practitioner: Lily
Email: [sunnypurplelily@gmail.com](mailto:sunnypurplelily@gmail.com)
WeChat: HanJing20210820
原文如下
学佛念经，使我枯木逢春，让患有渐冻症的我走上了康复之路
顶礼南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨摩诃萨！
顶礼十方三世一切诸佛菩萨及龙天护法金刚菩萨！
顶礼弘法度众舍身忘我的恩师慈父LJH台长！
大家好，我是明天一片光明同修。我分享的题目是：学佛念经，使我枯木逢春，让患有渐冻症的我走上了康复之路
曾经的我，是一名地地道道的无明众生。佛法五戒中的杀、盗、淫、妄四样我都干过。我堕胎过两个孩子，开过一年餐馆，卖过龙虾，杀过很多甲鱼。我打麻将有20多年，为了在赌博时赢钱，在麻将桌上作弊。我有过邪淫的行为。我造过很多口业，例如，拆散弟弟的姻缘。无明的可怕之处在于我正在做着伤害我自己的事，却不自知，还以为这很正常，故而乐此不疲。殊不知，善恶到头终有报，只争来早与来迟。
2012年，46岁，我走路容易摔跤，但是我没有太在意。2013年，47岁，在武汉某医院我被诊断出患有渐冻症。2015年至2021年的6年时间里，我生活无法自理。我服用过近百种药品，还曾经到北京某知名医院治疗了三个月，都没能控制住病情的恶化。我的身体绵软无力，脖子绵软地抬不起头，话说不清楚，只能在手机上慢慢写字。从2019年开始，病情越来越严重。肩膀、颈椎犯起病来疼痛难忍；甚至连喝水、吃东西都会被呛到。我被疾病折磨得干枯萎缩，爆瘦了十几斤。我感觉自己已经熬到了生命尽头……
天无绝人之路，感恩佛菩萨的垂怜眷顾。2020年5月，有一位修学XLFM的师兄给我寄来了念经的播放器。从此我走进了ⅩLFM，开始学佛念经做功课了。也许是自己的佛缘具足，从一开始我就喜欢上了念经。不过，我的学佛之路并不是一帆风顺的，也有些许来自先生的阻碍。感恩微信群里的师兄们的开导和鼓励，才使我坚持到今天。
现在，每天早上起床后，我就喝大悲水，之后服用复方丹参片，再喝一碗红枣、枸杞、西洋参汁，然后开始念功课。我每天的功课是：《大悲咒》49遍，《心经》49遍，《准提神咒》49遍，《消灾吉祥神咒》49遍，《往生咒》49遍，《解结咒》49遍，《礼佛大忏悔文》5遍和《七佛灭罪真言》108遍。因为我的口业很重，所以我每天念诵108遍《七佛灭罪真言》专门用于消口业。每天我能念4张经文组合。
2021年5月，我许了如下五个大愿：
一、终身吃全素；
二、终生不杀生；
三、放生上万（没许多长时间内完成）；
四、在两年内念诵1000张小房子；
五、康复后现身说法，救度众生。
每天早上，我都跟菩萨把以上5个愿力说一遍。并且，我还补充一句：“我余生痛改前非，不造新业。”
感恩大慈大悲观世音菩萨！我曾经两次梦到观世音菩萨到我梦里，为我头部和咽喉做手术，帮我拔除痛苦。有一次我心情不好，晚上在梦里就看见“再难也要前行！”几个大字。我知道，这是观世音菩萨在慈悲点化我要知难而进！感恩大慈大悲观世音菩萨一直在不离不弃地救度我的生命和慧命！也感恩师兄们一直不厌其烦地支持我、帮助我！
较之于去年刚刚念经的时候，我现在的语速大大地提高了，跟着手机快语速版念经也毫无压力了。但是，我现在还是发音不清楚，即含糊不清。这也许就是因为我口业太重所致！是我拆散小弟姻缘的现世报。因果报应，丝毫不爽啊！这是在我学佛后才明白的道理。所以，学佛做人要谨小慎微，如履薄冰，更不能随便动他人因果。
虽然我学佛念经仅有一年的时间，但让我欣喜的是，我的的病情得到了有效控制，身体各方面都有了很好的改善。人长胖了，也有力气了。萎缩的肌肉长出来了，现在我可以从凳子上自己站起来了。舌头也灵活多了，吞咽时喉咙无阻碍，吃饭喝水也不会被呛到了。这一切都让我坚信，学佛念经一定可以改变我的命运！只要坚持念经，我的身体一定会越来越好的！
承蒙观世音菩萨慈悲保佑，让我的饮食逐渐恢复了正常，使我有了康复的资本。我相信只要我努力精进地学佛念经，身体一定会越来越好，一切都只是时间问题。先生脾气不好，学佛念经后，我就把他的坏脾气视为我修行修心的增上缘，促使我在念经学佛的路上更快地成长。虽然我先生现在还没有开悟，看到我学佛后各方面的改变，先生转变态度，如今支持我学佛念经了。我很感恩他能支持我学佛念经。
一人学佛，庇荫全家。自从2020年农历九月十五我家设佛台以后，儿子的生意也越来越好了。观世音菩萨大慈大悲，不但救度我，连我的孩子也一起呵护。

感恩这场疾病，让我有幸走进了XLFM。如今回想起来，曾经的自己连自杀的能力都没有，那些日子真是生不如死，简直就是活在人间地狱。相比之下，今天的生活太幸福了。学佛念经不但让我的身体走上康复之路，而且让我把心态整理好了，明白了做人的道理。有菩萨保佑，无论什么事情，我都充满信心。
冰冻三尺，非一日之寒；冰雪消融，非一日之功。我不敢奢望马上恢复到正常人那样，因为来自杀盗淫妄多年的宿业不可能一夜之间消掉。我时时刻刻告诫自己：要想完全康复，只有努力精进地学佛念经。我一定会好好珍惜自己的佛缘和慧命，好好学佛修心，报答佛菩萨的恩情！
再次感恩南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨摩诃萨，感恩十方三世一切诸佛菩萨及龙天护法金刚菩萨！感恩弘法度众舍身忘我的恩师慈父LJH台长！
如果在分享过程中有不如理不如法之处，祈请大慈大悲观世音菩萨慈悲原谅！请十方三世一切诸佛菩萨慈悲原谅！请龙天护法金刚菩萨慈悲原谅！请恩师慈父慈悲原谅！请师兄们批评指正！我自己的业障自己背，不让师父背，不让师兄们背！
分享人：万同修（明天一天光芒） 感恩合十
2021-06-01 收到
2021-07-27发布
2022-03-29 英文
2023-02-25 更新
您想改变命运吗？
我们手把手传授您观世音菩萨的心灵法门五大法宝：“许愿”、“放生”、“念经”、“读《白话佛法》、大忏悔”。您将亲自见证如何通过佛法让自己及家人获得身心安定、病苦解除、冤结化解、智慧增长、学业进步、事业提升、家庭幸福。免费学习，免费结缘。
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Disclaimer of Liability:
The contents of the presentation and answers, including text, images, and other information obtained from Dharma practitioners, are provided strictly for reference purposes. Due to the unique nature of individual karma, results similar to those experienced by the authors may not be replicated. The experiences and advice shared should not be construed as medical advice or a diagnosis.
In the event of an emergency, it is crucial to promptly contact your doctor or emergency services by dialing 911. Relying on any information found in the answers is done solely at your own risk. The translator and answerer bear no responsibility for the consequences. By using or misusing the contents, you accept liability for any personal injury, including death. It is imperative to exercise caution and seek professional medical guidance for health-related concerns.

My partner ( C, male, 30s) and I ( HV, female, 30s) have been together since 2016 and we have a 5 years old son. We engaged in 2018 but decided to not go through with marriage since we love the way it is right now. I am originally from Vietnam, and I'm currently a U.S permanent resident, and it has nothing to do with being with my partner. That is pretty our situation right now.
My partner's mother (HN) has 3 younger brothers. Since HN has kids pretty early so my partner is much older than all other cousins. Ever since I've been with my partner, I've been watching those kids growing up. We've been there for them on every big occasions of their life. Birthdays, boy scouts completion, high school graduation, college graduation, wedding..., we were always there celebrating and supporting them with cash and gifts. We love those kids.
Today, we were supposed to be at a party celebrating the youngest cousin's college graduation at 6. It was just a very informal family dinner of 12 and we were officially invited with card sent to our mail. The card was written by my partner's uncle's wife, and it does require RSVP. My partner confirmed we were going through group texts with all of his uncles and cousins. At 3, my partner received an email from his uncle's wife read as follow:
"Hi C We have sent you an invitation to R's graduation dinner to your house about two weeks ago but your mom also mentioned she did not receive her invite so we are following up with the info and as well forward this to you. As Aunty, I'm sorry to say if you did receive the card invite that requires rsvp then it is etiquette to give a reply and number attending. Otherwise we take it no attendance and no spot will be prepared for you and family. As you are partially Chinese, the standards and expectations will still apply and be expected. The other part of you is a Filipino community. As all other Asian communities know Filipino they stand alone. They either include or exclude. It is their culture. As Aunty, it's a challenge not only for us to invite your family with no marital status just based on unknown relationships, this is the same with your mom and sister. We had hoped it will be different with you. It's time to take your relationship to a higher level otherwise it will be looking both are taking advantage of each other and now a son with US citizenship status without your marriage. It is advantage to HV to be US citizen without marriage. A lot of people want to come to US this way. This will always be no one knows how to address your family on the card invite. This is your life and choice. No one care enough to let you only an aunty. We will not follow up further. Sorry, I do not have your cell number. Thank you. Aunty Sent from my iPhone "
I wish I can attach the screen shot of the actual email here. This is not the first time the uncle's wife has done this to us. And she has been sending nasty email like this to almost all members of my partner's family talking about stuff like this. I'll follow up with you guys the email she sent to my partner's mom, and other uncles. Every time it happens, we let it slide since we love and respect the uncle and the cousins. At the end, she is still the uncle's wife and the cousins' mother. But this time, it's way cross the line. My partner was so livid he sent the email screen shot to all of his uncles and his mom and ask wtf is this. The uncle had nothing to say but apologize to him and said he didn't know his wife sent this. My partner asked him 'are you going to check your wife out this time or are you just going to let her continue to break our family apart?'. He was silent and said he couldn't do anything. My partner decided to show up at the party and talk to her out of her delulu. And we just did. We show up, she was just smiling up and waving to us like nothing happened. We asked her to come outside to talk or we can talk to her right there at the party. She finally had to went outside. We didn't hold our tongue this time. I told her to keep my name and my son's name out of her mouth, if she wants to keep her tongue inside there. She was acting shocked and that she didn't do nothing wrong, that the email was just a reminder. The result was she left to go inside in tears, and other uncles and cousins came out to say that was epic, that was what they wanted to said to her after all of those nasty emails. So are we the assholes?

CoCube Early Release v4 is now live.

Overall Progress

The system is coming together—it is possible to create and share simple cubes, embed them in other cubes, and edit cubes collaboratively. However, a number of issues are still preventing CoCube from being as easy to use and intuitive as it could be. This means you should continue to expect the Early Release warning that any cubes you create may become unusable until I can get all of the underlying systems working cohesively.

Node and Cell Evaluation Model

I have been focusing on making sure the node/cell evaluation model is working in a way that is both user-friendly and not going to be full of surprises when building more complex components. This is tricky for a number of reasons. For example - node definitions must be able to be stored in the Map literal type, meaning the Map literal can store expressions directly. This opens the question as to whether or not expressions stored in Maps of regular cells should be evaluated by default. After moving the evaluation model over to an eval by default approach I found that it is often useful to store definitions for Nodes/Cubes in cells. Using the eval by default model meant the user would have to wrap these definitions in a quote function to prevent early evaluation. So, I removed the eval by default functionality on all but the Children cell. That said, if you would like a Map where the indexed expressions are evaluated, you can wrap the Map in the EvalContainer function.

Document Model, References, and Collaboration

With the current implementation only data which is stored in non-ephemeral nodes is shared between users. This allows for local data to be referenced through functions, and for users to be able to interact with cubes using e.g. their own text cursors. The problem is that all data for a given cube must be stored in top-level cells. If you are creating a text document then there must be a cell per text edit box. This is cumbersome to set up and does not make it easy to create dynamic nested collaborative components.

Type System

I'd really like to have a type system supporting algebraic data types, but implementing this would complicate the real-time collaboration system as types would need to be defined, stored, edited, and checked both at runtime and when merging collaborative updates. So for now I am pushing this down the line. This means that for now it is cumbersome to manually edit cells like DisplayMode, Color, and EventHandler, as these cells expect the data they contain to be in a specific format. Earlier in CoCubes development, I solved this by creating additional literal types, but I didn't particularly appreciate how this forced me to create lots of specialized functions to deal with those types. By having all cells use the same set of basic literals (Bool, Number, Text, Map, Array), I only need functions that operate on those literals - and the user can be creative in generating the data they need.

Event System

The event system is working, but the options given to the user need to be clearer. Some events create persistent changes to a document, and some do not. Some events cause multiple evaluations, some do not. It will take some work to bring the current set of changes a user can make down to only a few options.

Rendering System

I will likely need to adjust the rendering system to allow for laying out components depth first or breadth first based on how a node is defined. Otherwise, the current implementation causes all nodes to be drawn depth-first, which causes issues with menu and grid rendering when a single row needs to expand over other rows.

User Experience

There are still some sharp edges, but they are being systematically worked out. Notably, the Reactivity panel has been difficult to get right, mostly due to the above-mentioned issue with the rendering system.

Updates and not affecting existing work

Before releasing a stable version of CoCube I will need to ensure that updates made to the client will never cause breakages in existing cubes.
Overall, I am still very excited about where CoCube is headed. The goal is to build a tool that makes creating and sharing collaborative software easy. Using it for simpler tasks like creating interactive diagrams and charts should also be a perfect fit.
Most recent updates.

• The 'Children' cell is now evaluated using EvalContainer automatically.
• Better error messages when logging in.
• Fixed issue with expr edit staying open when navigating nodes.
• Reactivity panel formatting.
• Fixed bumpy rendering for rounded rectangles.
• Updated the Nodes and Cells panels display formatting.
• V1 blog implementation.

(I LIVE!! I have no idea what's hit me as hard as it did that Friday. But I needed Saturday to recover as well. Clearly wasn't the CPAP as that's working fine now. But good god is this unpleasant. Thankfully I'm clearly on the mend. I think I may have gotten food poisoning from KFC. Pity.)
~First~
Love and Longing
Little Fina’Noir and Dri’Noir still don’t like getting along all that much. So of course they need daddy between them to behave. They lay across his stomach, each out of reach of the other. For all that they ‘don’t’ get along, separating them is worse. They’re clearly best rivals already. They reach for each other and there are tiny puffs of sparks and little tongues of flame. But considering the soft and thin bed of moss on their daddy’s torso, it does nothing but make their little bits of bedding all the more comfortable.
Cia’Noir was visiting again, to be fair she visited so often she had almost moved in, and she was also currently mixing up a meaty broth in the kitchen while humming a nursery rhyme that most of the girls adored. Especially Uma’Noir and Jiti’Noir as they tried to keep tempo with it as grandma semi-swayed, semi-danced to the tune to their delight.
Ari’Noir, Mala’Noir, Gia’Noir and Lia’Noir were all having an extra nap. They had managed to get each other excited and rushing around as best they could earlier and wore themselves out. Leaving Miro’Noir the proud mother to luxuriate next to their shared napping blanket and pillows, casually reading a book.
“Oh? A call?” Vernon asks as his communicator starts buzzing. This grabs the attention of Fina and Dri as he pulls it out. “Observer Wu? Oh, the new ship.”
He activates it and then has the phone levitate away to give a broader look. “Sir, you’ll forgive me for not standing at attention I hope.”
“Yes.” The Asian man says after a moment. “We can excuse the lack of decorum considering that you seem to be thoroughly pinned.”
“What can I say? My little girls are fighters. I’ve heard some rumour about you through The Dark Forest. How may I help?”
“I am doing a preliminary call and evaluation of the situation with humanity off of Earth. We’ve found enough confusion information coming back to us that it necessitated the appointment and dispatching of an unquestionably trusted individual, myself, in order to ascertain exactly what is going on.” Observer Wu stated. “Unfortunately due to the sheer amount of nonsense that’s being sent towards The Inevitable and by extension, myself, I have been forced to place several administrators on duty to sort out the sheer number of calls I’m getting. The galaxy knows this is a second Dauntless Class Vessel, which means more humans.”
“Which means more men, and many women that decided to take a wait and see approach have likely decided that they’ve waited long enough.” Miro’Noir states.
“Indeed that is true madam. I take you are Lady Miro’Noir?”
“Princess, Lady is a more ennobled title. I am a Battle Princess, a military rank, directly empowered by and under the command of the Imperial Family of Serbow, in particular, The Empress.” Miro’Noir says and Observer Wu nods.
“And the third adult looking into this conversation?” Observer Wu asks.
“I am Cia’Noir, mother, mother-in-law and grandmother depending who in this room you are asking.” She says. “My little girl has worked a miracle in that she’s locked down a husband all to herself. So she needs a bit of a hand to caring for her first clutch, no sister wives to assist you see.”
“I believe I do. Still, I have been informed that Officer Shay and Princess Miro’Noir are largely responsible for the excellent relationships the Apuk have with humanity. If you would be so kind, could you tell me how that came about?”
“Oh... it was silly, sweet and wonderful all at the same time...” Miro’Noir gushes. “We met at a bar and I tried to get some attention, a few credits for a conversation. At first I thought he was a Tret.”
“The near human species, yes.”
“Well, I was proven wrong, not only human, but an INTERESTING human as well. A trinity of criminal fools attacked, and as I rose to show off, he did as well. And displayed a terrifying Axiom power.”
“Terrifying power?”
“Transmutation sir. A very complicated Axiom Technique I had stumbled on and managed to create my own version of. Basically I had bumbled into a way to rapidly learn a monumentally difficult trick and make it extremely lethal in human hands.” Vernon explains.
“I see. Are the notes of your research available on The Dauntless?’
“Yes sir they are, I hope you’ll forgive that... hey!” Vernon is cut off when Fina’Noir starts smacking his stomach. “Be nice little lady!”
“Bah! Bah! Bah bah!” Fina’Noir counters as she smacks him in the stomach again and again.
“Fina’Noir you must be nice with family!”
“Adabababa!” Dri’Noir adds in with a smack of her own to her daddy’s stomach.
“Dri’Noir! Don’t follow your sister’s bad example! Be nice!” Vernon chides her and a smiling Miro’Noir rises up after marking her place in her book and sweeps the more active little girls into her arms.
“There, have your talk with your officer now dear.” Miro’Noir says giving him a peck that he gestures for her to come back to and he gives her a longer kiss in return.
“I’ll be back shortly.” He promises before rising up. The communicator floats into his hand and he offers a salute to Cia’Noir who sends one right back. “I’ll be just in the back yard.”
A few moments and the door is closed behind him. The communicator floats out of his hands and he slips into parade ground ‘at ease’ stance. “Sir.”
“This is a preliminary communication. Not that formal. How well regarded are humans by the Apuk?”
“We have been invited to build a community on their homeworld sir. That kind of privilege is usually extended only to species that are sworn to each other in some way.” Vernon answers.
“That’s very interesting.”
“It was a very strategic move sir. The Empress... she’s one of those kinds of politicians where any action you take short of directly opposing them or attacking them is something they benefit from, and they also know how to handle someone directly opposing or attacking them. She’s friendly and benevolent, but when you realize just how many of her strings you’re dancing on... it’s disquieting.”
“I see, so how did setting up a human community on Serbow help?”
“She requested a specific type to explore the human ease at learning Apuk Sorcery. She did this to not only develop a large number of sorcerers that are more mentally stable than most, but to get ahead of the next few sorcerers, put her in well with humanity, distract the more troublesome nobility and likely more. That was one action. One.”
“Ah... one of those types. Is she scrambling to get things done or does it all seem effortless?”
“Effortless.”
“... Frightening.”
“She’s been directly ruling an entire species for multiple centuries. Even if she was originally installed as a puppet of some kind, which she was not, then she would have had enough time to gain all the skills she needs to be an unstoppable force in the political side of things.”
“I see, anything else?”
“You’ll need some context for this. You are aware that Apuk are naturally inclined to breathe fire using Axiom right?”
“I am.”
“Those trained to use it properly manifest Warfire, it’s... hard to describe. A fire where the heat lingers and pervades much more than normal. It’s like the fire contains their aggression.”
“I see, what of it?”
“There are four grades of Warfire easily distinguished by colour. Red is standard, Blue is considered an expert level, Green is the sheer strength of Battle Princesses only, but the final level is White Warfire, and only The Empress can manifest it at will.”
“I see.” Observer Wu states and Vernon shakes his head.
“Sir, Red Warfire can burn a hole into a starship over the course of a few minutes. It takes a single minute or less for Blue Warfire to do the same. A mere moment for Green Warfire and is so instantaneous for White Warfire it would cause an explosion as the solid metal is converted into a gas instantly.” Vernon explains.
“Really? They’re that dangerous?”
“Sir, it’s legally a form of suicide to attempt to fight a Battle Princess with odds any less than five to one.” Vernon says and Observer Wu looks impressed.
“I see, and your involvement with their cultural traditions and such?”
“Well, first was the Broken Shell Tournament. A large martial contest with six person free for all fights. The aim is to break the armour or ‘shell’ of all your opponents, not kill them or force them out of the ring. I made it to the final round before I grew upset at one of my opponents, locked her down entirely, and then broke my own armour and walked out. More or less ruining the woman’s reputation and social standing while imprinting myself into the cultural zeitgeist.”
“What happened to the woman in question?”
“She joined a monastery and after achieving journeyman status I offered her a recommendation into The Undaunted as compensation. She’s taken it from my understanding, but as you can imagine, she and I are not on good terms. Or really speaking terms.”
“I see, and the community that has been built?”
“It... kinda ties into our initial journey through Cruel Space.” Vernon says somewhat ruefully. “A lot of us played all kinds of pranks and jokes and things like that to try and stave off the boredom and cabin fever. One of which was banding around a soldier who has ninjas in his ancestry and... pretending to be his legion of ninjas.”
“... The people that took part in that are mostly in the community aren’t they?”
“Yes sir, we’ve built a hidden ninja village in The Dark Forest of Serbow. A massive communal entity that is simultaneously a single mind and the mind of every single thing in the forest.”
“A communal entity? Wait, you said everything in the forest. Does that include the men currently inside it?”
“And me right now. Think of my like a brain-cell to a larger body if you must. While I cannot ignore the needs of the rest of the body, I can also guide it, learn from it, and it’s strength is mine as my knowledge and skills belong to it.”
“And it’s not a security breach?”
“I’m able to keep secrets from it, but what I share with it stays with it. It has however flash taught me the local language of Cinder Tongue, as well as Classical and even Ancient Cinder Tongue. I know the Apuk language and much of their history better than some dedicated historians. Couple that with the extreme area control and tactical advantages of being bonded to the forest and it’s been regarded as a more than fair trade.”
“Area control?”
“The Dark Forest as an entity can absorb heat and grow stronger. I can cause a temporary extension of this ally to appear wherever I am. And considering lasers and plasma are the most commonly used forms of weaponry and Apuk Warfire, it’s a nearly perfect defence. Couple that with just how much it understands about Axiom use towards animals, plants and the earth itself and I can shatter the ground under me with a blink and refuse any solid ground to stand on to my enemies as well. Add on Woodwalking and I am untouchable to my enemies.”
“Woodwalking?”
“The Forest is alive and on my side. I carry a whisper of it within me wherever I go. The Forest can call me back to any extension of itself at any time. Meaning I can in effect always retreat to a safe location no matter the distance, access the supplies I have stored there no matter where I am, and have backup by my side at any moment. Facing a Dark Forest Sorcerer is such a tactical nightmare that we’re considered direct counters to Apuk Battle Princesses, which may I remind you, are legally suicide to fight one to one.” Vernon says. “To say nothing of the other Sorcerers. The Dreadmoss, The Blood Bark The Burning Stone, The Bonechewer, The City Shaker, The Leviathan Lord. Or my own title, The Bloody Prophet.”
“You’re The Bloody Prophet?”
“I recreated the Plagues of Egypt to stop feuding families from slaughtering each other. I am the only Sorcerer who’s title wasn’t earned with a body count. Even if only by a technicality.”
“A technicality?”
“Dare’Char Crushclaw is the Lydris born son of Brin’Char The Bonechewer. He assisted in one of his father’s rampages against his hated enemy by providing transport. While Dare’Char didn’t kill anyone directly, he still enabled his father in that regard.”
“So those nicknames are for supernatural serial killers?”
“It’s more complicated than that.”
“Please explain then.”
“It’s rather hard to, until I became the first human sorcerer, all sorcerers were the result of an Apuk boy or man being pushed to the breaking point. They then flee in the night and find solace in the shadow of The Dark Forest, it bonds with them, protects them and teaches them. But it also reminds them of what drove them to the forest to begin with. Which means that in a few short years, the former victim returns from The Dark Forest, immensly powerful and filled with unthinking rage. Until humans were on the scene, all sorcerers went on at least one rampage and earned their nicknames from them. Since we showed up... there were only two... technically three. One was Brin’Char finding his ancient enemy still alive, so he was set off. Another was when Cals’Tarn joined us, his home was under attack and we counterattacked for him. Saving his home and family. Then there was mine, but no casualties, does it really count as a rampage?”
“I would say bringing the literal wrath of god onto someone would count as a rampage, yes.” Observer Wu states. “I think we will be speaking face to face in short order. It’s quite clear that you are responsible for some fairly major changes.”
“I look forward to it, is there anything else?”
“Not at this time.”
“Good, because I’d like to get back to my wife.”
“You’ve only been apart for...” Observer Wu checks his watch. “Four minutes.”
“Five minutes too many. If you’ll excuse me.”
“You are excused.” Observer Wu says and he turns off the communicator.
~First~ Last Next

Disclaimer: This post is about my personal opinion, others may agree or disagree, it is for reference, one can always refer to multiple sources for same information
Writing this to help aspirants in:

• One shots versus Full lectures for which chapters
• Good video resources
• Question solving resources

Unit 1: Diversity in living world

• One Shots are enough
• Taxonomy portion got a lot to memorize, flowcharts will help.
• High effort but high weightage chapters.
• Conceptual part is regarding life cycles and reproduction everything else needs constant revisions

Unit 2: Structural Organisation

• One Shots are enough, video resources do not even contribute much to your learning of these chapters because you are the one who will figure out how to retain that much information
• Anatomy portion got some topics which need conceptual clarity and photographic memory
• High effort high weightage, reduced syllabus has been followed in NEET 2024.

Unit 3: Cell Structure and Functions

• Full length lectures needed
• Very high weightage unit
• Cell Cycle and Division has the most PYQs per page in last 5-7 years
• Proper conceptual clarity required in chapter 8 and 10
• Biomolecules will also contribute for Class 12th Chemistry chapter so effort won't go into vain

Unit 4: Plant Physiology

• Full length lecture required for Respiration and Photosynthesis
• Plant Growth and Development, video resources don't contribute much it's upon you how you gonna retain information about every regulator
• Reduced syllabus has been followed in NEET 2024
• Plant growth chapter is really really volatile so need regular revisions

Unit 5: Human Physiology

• Breathing System, Skeletal System and Endocrine are relatively simpler so one shots are enough
• Neural, Circulatory and Excretory system might need further help
• Understanding through animations can help a lot
• A lot of teachers teach way too much you have to make sure that you don't cross syllabus boundary however a bit out of ncert helps in bringing conceptual clarity
• A little extra time given if eliminates the load of rattafication, you must go for it.

Unit 6: Reprodcution

• Diagrams are really really important
• One Shots are usually enough

Unit 7: Genetics and Evolution

• You won't regret time spent on full length lectures for this unit because it not only carries difficult questions it also has very high weightage
• I highly recommend doing the lectures from NEET KAKA JEE youtube channel for these chapters (A single one shot is compilation of offline lectures)
• However a lot of teach wayyy out of NCERT ofcourse you need not worry about that

Unit 8: Biology in Human Welflare

• Kinda simple chapters, video help might be needed in Immunity portion of human health and disease

Unit 9: Biotech

• Effort given won't be regretted because NTA's favorite Child
• Biotech 1 needs technical clarity so full length lectures can be watched (optional)
• Biotech 2 is again theoretical even NCERT Reading would be enough
• Must do Tissue culture topic from Strategies of Enhancement chapter because it is shifted to biotech now

Unit 10: Ecology

• Simplest chapters, one shots are enough
• Numerical data is not asked as it is so you don't need to excess load

Video Resources
One Shots:

• Everyone got their preferences but i personally liked One Shots by Vipin Sharma sir as he teaches really complex concepts in very short time
• Plant Physio and Plant Kingdom by Tarun Sir is really superb, his one shots are on sankalp bharat channel.
• zoology one shots are available on Ozone Classes while Botany one shots are on PW's Channel.
• NCERT Line by Line series is also equally good.
• Some people prefer Samapti Mam for Zoology you may do according to your preference

Full Length:

• Since most of you are getting Khazana subscriptions so you may refer any of them
• I did from Chandramauli Maurya Sir and Dr. Amit Gupta Sir (No you don't need their lectures for NEET, their notes are dope tho).
• On Youtube, you may refer to videos by NEET Kaka JEE, the clarity is superb

Question solving resources

• Topic Wise MCQs/Line by Line Questions: Personally speaking, these questions really ruined my memory because if you learnt a fact just now then of course you will easily answer it in the DPP sort of things which many people have, i believe it kind of stops your long term memory to store the info.
• Unit wise question solving is superb, but Chapterwise is also decent. There are mainly two options available, books or online resources, and i believe online resources are better because they have less errors, there are several platforms like NEETprep who work on such engines. Another perk is that you can reattempt the questions which you did wrong without any trace of pencil which you gonna use on your book.
• For those who prefer the traditional way, there are two good books ( I haven't used each and every book available, i tried like 4-5 and these two were best ones - NCERT Punch By Physics Wallah and NCERT Word to Word by NEET Kaka JEE. Punch got so many variations like match the matrix, true false, diagram based while Word to Word got zero errors and limited but quality questions.

For AR and Statement Based questions, there is no better source than PYQs because book kitni hi achi ho par number of questions badhane ke liye befaltu ke illogical questions daal deti hai. Ncert based test papers like NNTS or Akash PST/CST also got quality questions.
Honourable mention, NTA Abhyas questions: If you are looking for an extra edge, then here it is, it has moderate to difficult questions, although some are out of ncert, but rest of them really make you exam ready.
Again, these were my personal opinions, there are way more knowledgeable people on this subreddit who can help you even better, so all the criticism is accepted, do let me know that in comments i am gonna update the post then.
Thanks

Here's a post of key things mark schemes look for:
● ZERO ERROR equipment like 1- Ohmmeter 2- Balance 3- Vernier Callipers 4- Micrometer 5- Voltmeter and Ammeter all have zero errors. When describing a practical, always mention them
● PARALLAX ERROR equipment like 1- Rulers 2- Thermometers 3- Protractor 4- Measuring Cylinder all have parallax errors, to reduce them, mention reading the scale at eye level and ensuring the eyes are perpendicular to scale.
●WHEN RULERS ARE USED 1- Ensure it's vertical using a set square. 2- Read at eye level to reduce parallax error.
●CRITICISM OF RESULTS 1- Inconsistent S.F. or D.P 2- Limited sets lf results 3- Small Range of Values 4- No evidence of repeats (if no mean is shown) 5- Inconsistent intervals in readings (in the independent variable)
●WHEN ASKED ABOUT GRAPHICAL METHODS 1- Compare equation provided with y = mx + c 2- Find the gradient 3- Mention that there must be at least 5 readings.
●WHEN ASKED TO DRAW DIAGRAMS OF APPARATUS FOR ELECTRIC CIRCUITS 1- Always draw a voltmeter in parallel to the component investigated 2- Always draw an ammeter in series 3- Check if variable resistor is needed. If you aren't sure whether one is needed or not, just draw it, in 90% of cases, it's required 4- ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS draw a power supply, cell, battery, whatever, just draw one.
●TO IMPROVE ACCURACY 1- Use more sensitive equipment 2- Larger range of values
●WHEN DESCRIBING A METHOD your answer should include messuring apparatus, for example, "measure distance d" ❌️ isn't sufficient to get the mark, instead, "measure distance d using a metre ruler" ✅️ "measure resistance using an ohmmeter" ✅️ "measure diameter using a micrometer" ✅️ and so on...
●ERRORS 1- Repeats and calculating a mean is used to reduce random error. 2- Checking for zero error reduces systematic error.
●PLOTTING GRAPHS 1- Choose sensible and reasonable scales, go up by a factor of 1,2,5 or 10, using weird factors like 7 or 4 for example increaes the chance of you plotting incorrectly and just loses easy marks. 2- ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS use a sharp pencil when plotting and plot with small x's and not dots (⚪️)
●EXPERIMENTS REGARDING LIGHT INCIDENT ON A COMPONENT 1- To ensure results are accurate, block background light. 2- Keep the angle of solar cell light the same.
● % UNCERTAINTY 1- After mentioning an improvement, always mention it reduces % uncertainty.
●Reproducibility 1- Measurements are reproducible when similar results are obtained by students from different groups using DIFFERENT methods or apparatus.
If the same method and apparatus are used, and similar results are obtained, then they aren't reproducible, as it's the same method and apparatus
●PROPORTIONALITY 1- Straight line going through origin. 2- points plotted on a straight line.

Let’s use vestigial structures as a specific example of the non-falsifiability of evolution. When it became clear, based on advancing medical science, that the roughly 180 anatomical structures that evolutionists had originally claimed were useless actually were useful, they resorted to a fall-back position, which is a classic post-hoc explanatory device. They now claim that these structures supposedly served some OTHER function in the past, but now they have another function. Crapo in 1985, for example, wrote: “This is precisely how a vestige should be defined: Not as a ‘functionless’ part of an organism, but as a part which does not function in the way that its structure would lead us to expected, given how that structure function in most other organisms.” Notice now Crapo’s analysis here also confirms how important attacking the belief in God as a wise, efficient, benevolent Creator is to evolutionists: “It is the existence of such vestiges in such organisms which evolutionary theory would very naturally predict, but which the belief in an efficient Designer would not lead us to expect a priori.” (Italics removed, Richly Crapo, “Are the vanishing teeth of fetal baleen whales useless?” 1985). This kind of fall-back position for “explaining” vestigial structures illustrates the non-falsifiable nature of evolution. When medical science confirms the a priori viewpoint of the creationist model, that all of these anatomical structures really are useful and God didn’t insert useless organs and structures into the human body, the evolutionists don’t admit that their paradigm is falsified. Instead, they simply retreat into other rationalizations to keep attacking God as a shoddy, careless, unwise engineer. Here once again the viewpoint of Cornelius Hunter’s book “Darwin’s God: Evolution and the Problem of Evil” is confirmed: Evolutionists are engaged in negative natural theology when they argue against a supernatural explanation of the natural world based upon its perceived structural flaws and moral evils. Indeed, they find it crucial and very important to supporting their paradigm to do this. Needless to say, this kind of reasoning is every bit as metaphysical as the theologian who argues that the wonders and complexity of the natural world proves God’s existence. Any claim that evolution, when it enters the world of change above the genus or family taxonomic levels, is more “empirical” than creationism, is simply false.
The example of supposedly “vestigial” organs is also a great example of how the theory of evolution slows down scientific development and research. If an anatomical structure is a priori judged to be “vestigial,” then scientists who are evolutionists aren’t likely to study it carefully for what it really does. For example, tonsils were often removed for decades from children since they were judged to be simply “useless vestiges.” Later on, oops!, it was found out that they actually do fight disease. They weren’t so useless after all. Basically all 180 organs and anatomical structures that were once listed as “useless vestiges” (in one way or another) have been found to have real functions. For instance, the “yolk sac” is used by a developing human embryo to make its first blood cells; death would result without it. The coccyx was claimed to be a remnant of our purported evolutionary ancestors having a tail, but it’s actually a crucial point for muscle attachment needed for our upright posture (and, well, for defecation). So to say this is about “prior functions” as opposed to current functions is a great example of how evolutionists attempt to escape falsification of their paradigm. They assume these “prior functions” really existed a priori, when that remains to be proven. There’s no way to test, predict, observe, reproduce the selective advantage of supposed intermediate structures for the survival of the species in question, which supposedly occurred long ago in the prehistorical past. This is yet another example of circular reasoning by evolutionists, in which they assume what still needs to be proven.
A great, focused book from a creationist viewpoint on this general subject of "vestigial" organs is Jerry Bergman, Ph.D., and George Howe, Ph.d., "'Vestigial Organs' Are Fully Functional," Creation Research Society, St. Joseph, MO, 1990.
Super erudite, extra scholarly addendum, for those interested in grinding the details:
In response to one evolutionist critic in the past, I decided to do some research on this subject in order to be able to reproduce evidence for my reference about when evolutionists said that there were around 180 vestigial organs. The key evolutionist book that originated this specific number on this subject is Robert Wiedersheim, "The Structure of man: an index to his past history," which was published in English in 1895 and translated by H. and M. Bernard (Macmillan, London), which is available online through Google books since it has an expired copyright. According to Jerry Bergman and George Howe, "'Vestigial Organs' Are Fully Functional," p. 5, he developed a detailed list of 86 vestigial organs and "about 100 so-called retrogressive organs." Here I've reproduced the list of the 86 vestigial organs. I suppose someone would have to do more research to get the list of 100 "retrogressive organs," which apparently come from the same book.
If a medical doctor is available to survey this list, would he or she say that these organs are useless? Wasn't Wiedersheim simply wrong? Do evolutionists ever admit to error in the arguments that they make for their theory? Or do they simply keep pushing the same nonsense, regardless of how many times it has been proven false?
Here is Wiedersheim's list of the human body's supposedly useless vestigial organs/anatomical structures: Os coccygis. Cauda humana.Superfluous embryonic notochord and associated somites.Embryonic cervical, lumbar, and sacral ribs.The thirteenth rib of the adult.The seventh cervical rib in the adult.The interarticular cartilage of the sterno-clavicular joint (probable vestige of the episternal apparatus).Ossa supra-sternalia.Certain centres of ossification in the manubrium sterni.The branchial clefts (for the most part) and branchial ridges.Processus styloideus ossis temporis, and the ligamentum stylo-hyoideum.Anterior cornua of the hyoid, for the greater part.Foramen caecum of the tongue.Processus gracilis of the malleus.Post-frontal bone (?)Ossa interparietalia (and ? prseinterparietalia).Processus paramastoideus of exoccipital.Torus occipitalis.Processus frontalis of the temporal.Processus coracoideus .Os centrale carpi.Processus supracondyloideus humeri.Trochanter tertius femoris.The phalanges of the fifth toe, and less conspicuously of the third and fourth toes.Muscles of the pinna and the Musculus occipitalis. LM. transversus nuchae. L. --Facial muscles transformed into tendinous expansions.Mm. plantaris and palmaris longus, when completely tendinous.M. ischio femoralis.The caudal muscles.M. epitrochleo-anconseus.M. latissimo-condyloideus.M. transversus thoracis (triangularis sterni).M. palmaris brevis.The transition bundles between the trapezius and the sterno- cleido-mastoideus.M. levator claviculae.M. rectus thoracis.M. ere master.The primitive hairy covering or lanugo.Vestiges of vibrissaeThe vertex coccygeus, the foveola and glabella coccygea.Certain vortices of hair on the breast.Nipples in men.Supernumerary mammary glands in women.Alleged vestiges of mammary pouchesSupernumerary olfactory ridges.Jacobson's organ, and ductus naso-palatinus.Papilla palatina and foliata.Plica semilunaris of the eye.Vasa hyaloidse (Cloquet's canal) of the embryo the choroidal fissure.Lachrymal glands, in part.The epicanthus.M. orbitalis.Certain varieties of the pinna of the ear, i.e. Darwin's tubercle.The filum terminale of the spinal cord.Glandula pinealis and parietal organ.The parieto-occipital fissure of the brain .The obex, ponticulus, ligula, taeniae medullares, and velum medullare anterius and posterius, of the brain.The hypophysis cerebri (pituitary body).The dorsal roots and ganglia of the hypoglossus nerve.The rami recurrentes of certain cranial nerves.Certain elements of the brachial and lumbo-sacral plexuses.The coccygeal nerve.The glandula coccygea.Palatal ridges.The sublingua.The formation of rudimentary dental papillae before the sinking of the dental ridge.The Wisdom teethThe occurrence of a third premolar (reversionary).The occurrence of a fourth molar (reversionary).The vestiges of a third dentition.The ciliated epithelium of the embryonic oesophagus.Bursa sub- and prehyoidea (ductus thyroglossus).Musculi broncho-oesophagei.The appendix vermiformis.Ventricle of the larynx (Morgagni's pouch).Lobus subpericardiacus of the lung (reversionary).Certain Valves of the veins.Certain structures of a vestigial nature in the heart.Arteria sacralis media.Arteria ischiadica.Superficial plantar arterial arch of the foot.The vena cava superior sinistra.Venae cardinales posteriores, and ductus Cuvieri.Vestiges (in the female) of the mesonephric system, and (in the male) of the Müllerian ducts.Conus inguinalis, and ligamentum inguinale.The area scroti.
See also pages 200-209 of Robert Weidman’s book, which he labels “Conspectus of Organs Mentioned in the Text” and “List of Organs According to Systems.”

Let’s use vestigial structures as a specific example of the non-falsifiability of evolution. When it became clear, based on advancing medical science, that the roughly 180 anatomical structures that evolutionists had originally claimed were useless actually were useful, they resorted to a fall-back position, which is a classic post-hoc explanatory device. They now claim that these structures supposedly served some OTHER function in the past, but now they have another function. Crapo in 1985, for example, wrote: “This is precisely how a vestige should be defined: Not as a ‘functionless’ part of an organism, but as a part which does not function in the way that its structure would lead us to expected, given how that structure function in most other organisms.” Notice now Crapo’s analysis here also confirms how important attacking the belief in God as a wise, efficient, benevolent Creator is to evolutionists: “It is the existence of such vestiges in such organisms which evolutionary theory would very naturally predict, but which the belief in an efficient Designer would not lead us to expect a priori.” (Italics removed, Richly Crapo, “Are the vanishing teeth of fetal baleen whales useless?” 1985). This kind of fall-back position for “explaining” vestigial structures illustrates the non-falsifiable nature of evolution. When medical science confirms the a priori viewpoint of the creationist model, that all of these anatomical structures really are useful and God didn’t insert useless organs and structures into the human body, the evolutionists don’t admit that their paradigm is falsified. Instead, they simply retreat into other rationalizations to keep attacking God as a shoddy, careless, unwise engineer. Here once again the viewpoint of Cornelius Hunter’s book “Darwin’s God: Evolution and the Problem of Evil” is confirmed: Evolutionists are engaged in negative natural theology when they argue against a supernatural explanation of the natural world based upon its perceived structural flaws and moral evils. Indeed, they find it crucial and very important to supporting their paradigm to do this. Needless to say, this kind of reasoning is every bit as metaphysical as the theologian who argues that the wonders and complexity of the natural world proves God’s existence. Any claim that evolution, when it enters the world of change above the genus or family taxonomic levels, is more “empirical” than creationism, is simply false.
The example of supposedly “vestigial” organs is also a great example of how the theory of evolution slows down scientific development and research. If an anatomical structure is a priori judged to be “vestigial,” then scientists who are evolutionists aren’t likely to study it carefully for what it really does. For example, tonsils were often removed for decades from children since they were judged to be simply “useless vestiges.” Later on, oops!, it was found out that they actually do fight disease. They weren’t so useless after all. Basically all 180 organs and anatomical structures that were once listed as “useless vestiges” (in one way or another) have been found to have real functions. For instance, the “yolk sac” is used by a developing human embryo to make its first blood cells; death would result without it. The coccyx was claimed to be a remnant of our purported evolutionary ancestors having a tail, but it’s actually a crucial point for muscle attachment needed for our upright posture (and, well, for defecation). So to say this is about “prior functions” as opposed to current functions is a great example of how evolutionists attempt to escape falsification of their paradigm. They assume these “prior functions” really existed a priori, when that remains to be proven. There’s no way to test, predict, observe, reproduce the selective advantage of supposed intermediate structures for the survival of the species in question, which supposedly occurred long ago in the prehistorical past. This is yet another example of circular reasoning by evolutionists, in which they assume what still needs to be proven.
A great, focused book from a creationist viewpoint on this general subject of "vestigial" organs is Jerry Bergman, Ph.D., and George Howe, Ph.d., "'Vestigial Organs' Are Fully Functional," Creation Research Society, St. Joseph, MO, 1990.
Super erudite, extra scholarly addendum, for those interested in grinding the details:
In response to one evolutionist critic in the past, I decided to do some research on this subject in order to be able to reproduce evidence for my reference about when evolutionists said that there were around 180 vestigial organs. The key evolutionist book that originated this specific number on this subject is Robert Wiedersheim, "The Structure of man: an index to his past history," which was published in English in 1895 and translated by H. and M. Bernard (Macmillan, London), which is available online through Google books since it has an expired copyright. According to Jerry Bergman and George Howe, "'Vestigial Organs' Are Fully Functional," p. 5, he developed a detailed list of 86 vestigial organs and "about 100 so-called retrogressive organs." Here's the list of the 86 vestigial organs. I suppose someone would have to do more research to get the list of 100 "retrogressive organs," which apparently come from the same book.If a medical doctor is available to survey this list, would he or she say that these organs are useless? Wasn't Wiedersheim simply wrong? Do evolutionists ever admit to error in the arguments that they make for their theory? Or do they simply keep pushing the same nonsense, regardless of how many times it has been proven false?
Here is Wiedersheim's list of the human body's supposedly useless vestigial organs/anatomical structures: Os coccygis. Cauda humana.Superfluous embryonic notochord and associated somites.Embryonic cervical, lumbar, and sacral ribs.The thirteenth rib of the adult.The seventh cervical rib in the adult.The interarticular cartilage of the sterno-clavicular joint (probable vestige of the episternal apparatus).Ossa supra-sternalia.Certain centres of ossification in the manubrium sterni.The branchial clefts (for the most part) and branchial ridges.Processus styloideus ossis temporis, and the ligamentum stylo-hyoideum.Anterior cornua of the hyoid, for the greater part.Foramen caecum of the tongue.Processus gracilis of the malleus.Post-frontal bone (?)Ossa interparietalia (and ? prseinterparietalia).Processus paramastoideus of exoccipital.Torus occipitalis.Processus frontalis of the temporal.Processus coracoideus .Os centrale carpi.Processus supracondyloideus humeri.Trochanter tertius femoris.The phalanges of the fifth toe, and less conspicuously of the third and fourth toes.Muscles of the pinna and the Musculus occipitalis. LM. transversus nuchae. L. --Facial muscles transformed into tendinous expansions.Mm. plantaris and palmaris longus, when completely tendinous.M. ischio femoralis.The caudal muscles.M. epitrochleo-anconseus.M. latissimo-condyloideus.M. transversus thoracis (triangularis sterni).M. palmaris brevis.The transition bundles between the trapezius and the sterno- cleido-mastoideus.M. levator claviculae.M. rectus thoracis.M. ere master.The primitive hairy covering or lanugo.Vestiges of vibrissaeThe vertex coccygeus, the foveola and glabella coccygea.Certain vortices of hair on the breast.Nipples in men.Supernumerary mammary glands in women.Alleged vestiges of mammary pouchesSupernumerary olfactory ridges.Jacobson's organ, and ductus naso-palatinus.Papilla palatina and foliata.Plica semilunaris of the eye.Vasa hyaloidse (Cloquet's canal) of the embryo the choroidal fissure.Lachrymal glands, in part.The epicanthus.M. orbitalis.Certain varieties of the pinna of the ear, i.e. Darwin's tubercle.The filum terminale of the spinal cord.Glandula pinealis and parietal organ.The parieto-occipital fissure of the brain .The obex, ponticulus, ligula, taeniae medullares, and velum medullare anterius and posterius, of the brain.The hypophysis cerebri (pituitary body).The dorsal roots and ganglia of the hypoglossus nerve.The rami recurrentes of certain cranial nerves.Certain elements of the brachial and lumbo-sacral plexuses.The coccygeal nerve.The glandula coccygea.Palatal ridges.The sublingua.The formation of rudimentary dental papillae before the sinking of the dental ridge.The Wisdom teethThe occurrence of a third premolar (reversionary).The occurrence of a fourth molar (reversionary).The vestiges of a third dentition.The ciliated epithelium of the embryonic oesophagus.Bursa sub- and prehyoidea (ductus thyroglossus).Musculi broncho-oesophagei.The appendix vermiformis.Ventricle of the larynx (Morgagni's pouch).Lobus subpericardiacus of the lung (reversionary).Certain Valves of the veins.Certain structures of a vestigial nature in the heart.Arteria sacralis media.Arteria ischiadica.Superficial plantar arterial arch of the foot.The vena cava superior sinistra.Venae cardinales posteriores, and ductus Cuvieri.Vestiges (in the female) of the mesonephric system, and (in the male) of the Müllerian ducts.Conus inguinalis, and ligamentum inguinale.The area scroti.
See also pages 200-209 of Robert Weidman’s book, which he labels “Conspectus of Organs Mentioned in the Text” and “List of Organs According to Systems.”

The Yaire exile to earth chapter-8 parts 1 and 2
What was I thinking after all those years without a drink? I didn’t even have so much as a drop when Monica passed and now, now I dropped myself into a bottle and I have to crawl back out.
Those were the thoughts running through my mind. I hated myself for it. I pissed away so many years, I couldn’t work cows unless I had a flask. I couldn’t make hay or hell coach Joshua’s baseball games if I didn’t have a half rack in the truck. I hid it from her and the kids. I was a useless drunk. Until one day Monica took the kids and left. That’s what it took to kick me in the ass. I started AA, started going to church with them, and tried my best to be a better man. All these years without the destruction that I caused. And this event, us finding these poor abandon people in the brush, trying to get them help in whatever way we could and I cracked.
I needed to leave. I needed to do something, even if it was wrong. If I didn’t try to abandon these demons, they would most definitely grab me again.
The light was just starting to grow in the distance; my head was splitting me in two. The very act of walking to the barn causes me to vomit twice.
It took a long minute for me to gather my strength as the waves of sick, washed over me. Leaning against the wooden gate that leads to the horse pen was all I could do to stand and be present. Wave after dizzy wave nearly takes my feet out from under me.
Kicking my tongue to the pair of horses in the round pen next to the barn, I hoped I could manage to saddle one and go find some of my still abandoned cows. “Ha girls, I know it was a rough night.” The gray mare snorted her offense at my still drunk odder. The scent of cheap whiskey was obviously drifting to the pair of horses and they didn’t appreciate it. After a lot of effort, I was able to call the gray horse over. Reaching up to scratch her cheek, I realized in my haze that all my tack was in the trailer. “Shit!” I muttered to myself in extreme irritation.
Hanging my throbbing head, I managed to make the short distance to the trailer that I had left half parked in the yard. As I reached the trailers tail gate and slowly opened it, a distant voice reaches me. “Rough night?” I gazed up to the porch to see Joshua with a thermos of coffee, standing outside the front door.
“It wasn’t a fun one,” I muttered, as I could see an out cold Mic propped up on the porch swing. “At least it was too cold out here last night.”
“It wasn’t cold because we brought you two a couple of blankets.” Josh stated as frankly as he could. “You want something to eat before you get knocked off a horse?”
“No, food will just make me sick. I just need to work the poison out of my system.” I said, trying to keep the spins down as a fresh round of dizziness begins.
“So you’re going up the hill. Do you want help?”
Josh asked, sounding concerned. “No, I need to help with..” my voice trailed as I couldn't think through the fog.
.“Yaire”, Joshua interrupted as I searched my hazy mind for the right words.
“Yep, you’re on top of it. Best of luck, boy.” I grunted as I bent to pick up the saddle and tack for my spare horse.
Straining to hold on to my leather implements, I turned to make the trudge back to the round pen. Joshua called over my shoulder. “Just like that?”
“Yes, son, just like that.” A muttered back as I made the short walk back to the horses.
Dropping my saddle so the saddle horn was helping to prop the assembly out of the dirt. I reached out for one of the mares to begin the procedure to saddle up, only to be jerked backwards.
“Wait one fucking minute!” Josh all but spit.
“You help save these people, but now that you’re drunk, you’re going off to ride to the sunset like it’s some shitty western?” He barked.
I reached up and hit him full in his face. “You think I know what to do?” I yelled back. “Some galactic despot has been dropping these people all over the hell and gone leaving them in the sage to die!”
I hated myself for what I was doing; my mind was screaming at my body and mouth to stop. I couldn’t. “I’ll fail these people, Iv already failed you and your sister. I’m a cosmic fuck up without your mother.” Now my tears started to well. I couldn’t stand there anymore. Reaching down, I scooped up my saddle and gear and walked into the corral.
Chapter 8 part 2
Joshua’s personal perspective
It’s been a few hours since dad left. I was sitting on the front porch steps, still stewing in my irritation.
“The eye, better?” A female voice asked from the front porch doorway.
“It’s a little black, but it’s….. ok,” I said, the last word stalling out as the voice came into view when I turned my head. There, standing in the doorway, was Lis, her straight grey hair cut short at an angle, letting the light from the house shine on her angler right cheek. She had on my old ac/dc shirt from high school and a pair of Becky’s “cowgirl jeans”.
Trying hard not to stare, I whipped my head back out to overlooking the farmyard. “You’re picking up English really fast. Another week or two and you’ll be better at it than me.” I stammer out.
The tired wooden floor boards begin to creak with her footsteps as she walks up and sets down next to me on the steps.
“Thank you,” she says with some effort. The words were still being practiced.
“For what?” I said, trying my best to sound cool.
She looked confused, then Mic’s voice interrupted with their native language. A flurry of sounds and vowels later. Lis stood up and turned to go back inside. Stopping long enough at the doorway to turn and look back, “you people saved us.” She said in near perfect English, and with that she turned and walked back into the house.
Still looking over the yard, it was hard to keep a small grin off my face. Flicking a small piece of gravel off the steps, I could hear a fresh set of footsteps walking up to me. With a plop mic flopped himself next to me.
Looking out at the yard with a thousand mile stare, he took a long breath in. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, he began. “What happens now?” He managed, trying hard to wrap his mouth around the words.
“I don’t know, we’ll keep working on your English and you guys can decide. Maybe your people will come back for you.” I said.
“No one comes, Zeen prison word.” He said while pointing to the ground in front of us and shaking his head.
“That’s, that’s not good.” I replied, while not understanding what a Zeen is.
We sat there in silence for a moment longer. Until I finally got up to stretch my legs and headed back inside. About half of the Yaire were seated in the living room, watching the first Hangover and giving their constant commentary. I guess if you have to learn a language from a movie, it should at least be a good one.
Becky was standing in the kitchen, while on the phone, with a troubled look on her face.
“What’s going on?” I whispered. Her response was to hold a single finger up in a just a minute manner.
“Thanks for checking, ya they had it out this morning and dad left in a huff. Ok we’ll look for him tomorrow. Thanks Mary,” Becky set her cell phone down before she acknowledged me. Looking down as she let out a tired sigh.
“So that was Mary. She told me dad went to her and Dave’s after he left here. Dave will give him a hand getting the cows down to his winter feed lot so we can truck them back.” Becky said. “She also said dad was pretty hammered, she thinks he was drinking on the way. Apparently, he was stinking of buzz and babbling about aliens. They're letting him sober up in their spare room before they head up the hill.”
“That’s no good.” I said, still upset about this morning.
“No, it’s not. Do you want to tell me what happened, for dad to get drunk and kick your ass?” she asked, a slight chuckle in her voice at the last part.
“I guess it’s the stress from all of this. But he was going on about being a failure and that someone dumped here the Yaire, I don’t know.” I stated
She just frowned at my explanation. “Well, we’re just in, autopilot around here this afternoon. Can I get you to head to town for some groceries?”
“I guess, are you sure you’ll be ok alone?” I asked, not sure if that was the smartest things to do. Leaving my little sister with a house full of aliens.
“I’ll be fine. The guys are having a hangover marathon and some girls are in my bedroom using your laptop to practice English.” She said dismissively.
“Wait, my laptop?” Embarrassing concern running through my mind.
I all but ran to Becky’s room. The sound coming from there confirmed my worst fears. On the bed Sofia, Ava, and Mia, all I would guess in the early to mid twenties started giggling at my approach, which made this even more awkward. As I entered the doorway, they all reached for the screen and closed the laptop. Our collective embarrassment set the trio to giggling again as now both Lis and Becky walked up behind me. From the bed, Sofia started speaking to Lis in their own language and holding her hands apart giving a literal scale for their conversation.
I was red faced with shame and embarrassment as the giggling picked back up.
“You didn’t delete your search history, did you?” Becky chuckled as I passed her in the door way
“What do you want from the store?”
This story was brought to you in large part due to u/Fit-Capital1536. A big thank you for the collaboration and story ideas.