So I got diagnosed at the beginning of this month after 1.5-2 years of symptoms (although in retrospect probably lifelong symptoms that just went unnoticed) I have spinabifida which comes with incontinence issues as well as the IBS-M which comes with terrible cramps and loose stool. Because of this when I have to go I’ve got about 10 seconds before I have a BM. My question is… how do y’all go to school work or do anything with this? I’ve felt pressured to quit several jobs over bosses being mad at me for calling off because i can’t handle them being frustrated about it. I failed a year of school because I can’t go a day without having a BM on myself and having to give in for the day and hunker down. Also writing this after calling off a training shift at a job I just started cus I had a BM as I was approaching the door. Help pls.

Don't get me wrong. Pay is great, work is steady depending on where you work in the facilities, breaks are nice (again depending where you work, i hear horror stories from the cashiers), and generally? not a terrible vibe on third shift which is a god-send from the normal rabble.
What makes the job awful, much like any location, is the management. We've got several managers, much like any store, and of course they have their "favorites" who get away with everything barring murder. Some that walk around doing nothing all day, some that just sit in the wrong departments chatting, leaving the customers without help, some that ignore the customers asking for assistance as a whole, even a few that due the famous "U-turn" where they go back and forth from the bathroom and breakroom all night before clocking out. Everything we say about these individuals; in one ear, out the other. whether it's to HR, CXM, mod, directly to the individual in question or the boss of the store. Due to the crazy loops and mountain of paper-trailing required, the damage is already heavily implemented before anything can be freaking done about them, making the job twenty times harder than it needs to be.
Then you got the workers who bust their butt to make ends meet getting treated worse than the dirt you stand on because of these headaches. This goes on for every shift, but i need to focus on my own experiences through the third shift stress and tension as it has been getting extremely volatile. Between the problems above and a hard-headed manager interested in rushing to complete tasks over the safety of the worker, and the lack of stable workers since only 3 of us are full time + 2 part timers who do, essentially, full time hours, the strain on the night crew is insane. What sent me over the edge though wasn't the work.. oh no. I can handle the work load because whatever we don't get done is still there the next night. It's not hard to pick up where we left off and by the end of the week 99% of the time everything is done.
Below in the spoiler will be a pretty hefty rant of my experience involving what finally made me register my hard work means nothing. That we're simply replaceable fodder, and that our safety, no matter how much they plaster it as their priority, means nothing.

Back in January the area i live in experienced a pretty big storm. Didn't think much of it at the time, i've ridden my E-bike (my only source of transport) in storms before, even in the snow! But, unlike usual this storm had caused flash flooding. I had reached a particular point in the ride where I couldn't progress. The roads that legally allowed my bike to travel out of where I live had become flooded by nearly 6 inches of high speed water, with spots going as deep as a foot and more due to road conditions. Roads surrounding my route were also being slowly closed off as the storm continued and ubers were cancelling in the area (or outright rejecting rides due to the dangerous conditions.), making it progressively harder to get around. It was 10 minutes til work, and i still had 20 minutes to ride, and a 15 minute ride back home if something went wrong.
I pulled over at this intersection that was flooded and checked the news for the area. Local news networks labeled it a "local emergency", so i called it in, told my boss at night i wouldn't be able to make it due to the unsafe driving conditions and progressively worsening weather closing down major roads. He 'understood', told me it would not effect my points as it was a weather situation, and that several others were calling for similar problems. I returned home now soaked and the bike had to be carefully serviced to avoid any lasting damage from the heavy storm. Not a huge issue but annoying none the less.
Fast forward two weeks and i get brought into the office where the CXM and my boss are... and asked the famous line. "Do you know why you're back here?"
I truly had no idea, so i joked it off, I had won a recent raffle for 3 board-games, so I made the comment it was because I hadn't brought those home yet.
The CXM smiled, then said it was because i had received my 4th point for calling out without sick time. Now, mind you, I have no idea what's going on at this point. I knew i had missed 3 days (once in September, 2 times in october from bike issues leaving me on the road without a way in due to the battery dying.). So i asked where this 4th point was coming from. He mentions the day of the flood, my boss, who is keeping his mouth shut, looks away from me when he says this. At this point I sit down, rather miffed at this point because i was assured that it was okay due to it being a safety concern, and that others were calling out with similar issues without a problem.
I'm stunned at this point. Taking a seat at the wall, the night assistant manager closes the door behind me and the cxm begins to lay into me the normal spiel, about how they expect all workers to be punctual and that this was a writeup, and how i "needed to understand what was being said". The whole time he's smiling, I wasn't. I told him what I was told on the phone, that I was cleared due to the weather conditions and that a point wasn't on my record the last time i checked (which i was checking regularly the first week because i truly expected something like this to happen, and stopped checking 4 days prior to the meeting. This happened 2 weeks later on a Wednesday.) -The cxm says it doesn't matter what i'm told on the phone. And that I should have called an uber. -I told him that ubers were cancelling rides due to the roads closing. -He tells me to order a taxi instead then. Now. I'm getting riled up at this point. My leg it tapping, i'm clearly not happy, and the way the cxm is talking to me is actively pushing for a response like this as he continues to smile and REPEATS "do you understand why you're getting this write-up" over, and over, and over again. -The night shift boss is still not making eye contact with me. -So, I stare straight at the cxm and respond to his question. "I understand that I have 3 points, but the 4th point I do not agree with. I was told that I was okay, and that the local news had declared it an emergency. I do not agree with that fourth point." -They both look at me, and I continue to look directly at the cxm. I'm still pretty relaxed at this point even if i'm agitated mentally and tapping my foot. I just want to get back to work at this point because I know the cxm is on a power-trip based on his body language and how much he's smiling. However, it really shown when that smile went away at me saying that comment. The cxm folded his hands, his smile gone and said "look, you want me to be blunt? I don't care what you agree with, you just need to understand you're being written up for 4 points of missed work. I can't let you leave until you agree."
THAT shifted my whole mood. I went from calm, to alert. My foot stopped tapping, I sat back in the chair and I was glaring at the cxm at this point. I was LIVID. The night manager STILL wouldn't look at me, instead he was watching the cxm. So i stayed focused on him as well. I folded my arms, and gave my full attention to him.
He repeated "Do you understand why you're being given this formal write-up?" again, and I, again, said I didn't agree with it. He AGAIN said he didn't care what I agreed or thought was right. and he just needed me to agree with it. So. I said what he wanted me to say. "I understand i'm being written up for a point I don't agree with"
As if MOCKING me, he again repeats "do you understand you can't keep missing days like this?"
I stayed DEAD SILENT at this point, and he leaned forward and looked at me with a big ol' smile. and told me to "stop staring at me with that death-glare, it's not working on me, buddy"
I was fuming. I was NOT going to be treated like a tool like that for taking my own safety into consideration during a local emergency for the job to tell me I was still in the wrong TWO WEEKS AFTER the event happened.
I was forced to agree, because I was sick and tired of staring at him and getting nowhere. So i repeated the comment like a good little drone and left. God i wish i knew i could have commented in that signing page that i signed under protest, course I was so pissed off i doubt i'd have even realized where to write it if i had known. I signed the "admission of guilt" crap, and immediately went to speak to the main boss of the store. Took two more weeks to get ahold of him, and he agreed it sounded very unusual. Main boss went to HR with clarification on how to handle it because even he wasn't too sure on it.
Two weeks after that, i touched base with the main boss. AND HE AGREED THAT I HAD NOT DESERVED THAT POINT OR THE WRITEUP. HR had come back to him about it coming down to the manager who handles the call-out (in my case the night shift boss), and a second manager who confirms the callout. My only assumption is that my boss agreed and acknowledged it as a weather related incident, and the second manager, the cxm in this case, decided to over-rule that decision.
Every other manager I spoke to thought that point was bogus. THE MAIN BOSS said it was bogus, and HR agreed that it was a case-to-case issue due to their system not having anything concrete for localized weather emergencies (they only have it for snow/ice, and state emergencies.) but even our HR contact agreed that safety takes priority! So here I am, 3 months into this crap I didn't even deserve, all because this dude decided to swing his big-boy stick. Taking the proper channels to have it addressed, complaint sent in about the manager in question, and trying to do things by the book did nothing but hit me with a "well you didn't act fast enough so we can't fix it" response, because it took over a month to get it processed. On the plus side, since I explained the entire incident to the main boss of the store (including the response from the manager who was handling the write-up), He gave me his direct line and told me that if i EVER got caught in a major storm like that to let him know, and he'd be sure to clear the incident himself. So while it happened, the store boss pulled through and assured me it won't happen again since it was a situational decision based on whoever got the call-out to handle. The problem is that the one who made this a problem in the first place is still in a position to do said problem. And that, unfortunately, I am unable to address directly like this. It was untouched for almost 2 weeks, sent in as a point right at the end of the 2 week "edit" period, and then I'm written up a week after that, ensuring I had no way to fight it. This was, in all purposes, an abuse of power. But, i'm a drone. I'm only as strong as the voice of the rest of this cacophony, and that's why they keep everyone at eachothers' throats.

Like I said. It's a rant, so only pop it open if you want to see what triggered this message to begin with. It's the biggest frustration I've had in the many years working here that firmly got under my skin due to the way it was handled and how long it took to get properly addressed, for no other reason than to tell me it was too late to do anything about it. We're just numbers in this machine, readily replaceable and easily used to kick around in the name of "fun" for those in a position of power. Where the rules and regulations are waived so long as you're buddies with the other management, and those working hard and keeping to themselves are an easy source to dump the blame and pressure or exercise someone's "authority".

Dear SiMadam Maple Hams,
A lot of these claims are not the fault of the Naval Experience Program (herein referred to as the NEP).
The NEP has no control over the activities of PAT platoon units. If these units do not place their Sailors into their next courses - then they are failing their own sailors.
I know a lot of actual sailors who have been wasting away on pat platoon waiting for their initial trade course to start.
This has been normal since time immemorial. It was bad during COVID because measures were in place and courses were outright cancelled, but prior to that - most trades were running 1-2 courses per year. Now some trades are running 3 courses a year.
I would also like to point out that NEP candidates cannot compete with any sailors waiting for their trades course because NEP candidates first have to actually sign a contract after picking a trade. Once they pick a trade, they will have to wait with the rest of these Sailors in PAT platoons.
Now I’m seeing 1 year contract NEPs, with no trade and no requirement to extend, getting NETP before actual sailors.
Also not the NEP's fault. Any unit can nominate a Sailor for NETP. You can email the NFS(A/P) NETP Booking Cell and the people there are very nice and helpful and will happily load Sailors. All you need to do is ask for the course list, pick a course date, fill in the form with the Sailor's name, rank, and service number - and boom. That Sailor is loaded.
Between May 16 and October 01 of this year, there are a total 8 NETP Courses scheduled and are capable of handling maybe 20-25 Sailors.
And the sad fact is... They have had to beg units for people to enroll - otherwise they would have to cancel the course... I know for a fact they had to cancel two courses this year already, so if you personally know any units that have Sailors that need NETP, then please give them a call!
They’re doing dive courses, I even heard of some attending clearance diver selection (might be a rumour), before actual sailors who have been requesting it for years.
For the third time, this is also not the NEP program's fault, nor is it outside their control.
FDU(A/P) publishes a list of scheduled courses every year. Rescue Swimmer, Port Inspection Diver, Supervisor Courses, Ship's Team Diver, Clearance Diver - you name it.
A person interested in this course must first submit a memo through their chain of command, Dive Officer, and complete a checklist with their unit's Health Services to pass Dental and Part 1 and 2 medicals (actual requirements vary depending on the course).
This process can last weeks to several months - and that depends on how much support a Sailor gets from their CoC and Health Services unit.
Now again, like the NETP situation if units do not support their Sailor's applications, then that Sailor goes no where. The NEP is not actively nudging these Sailors off courses.
If anything, the NEP is actually making some of these courses possible because FDU(A/P) is not getting enough people who are properly processed with completed checklist to actually show up ready for the courses!
So far this year 1 course almost got cancelled - but because the NEP was able to provide bodies, they were able to run the course!
As I write this, a course in June is also currently in jeopardy of being cancelled due to not having enough enrollees.
The NEP is actually at the back of thr priority list. First are ships, then individual applicants, and lastly somewhere are the NEP.
So no, the NEP is not stealing spots off Sailors who have been waiting years for their dive course.... The NEP is doing everything right within their power to make sure their candidates have gone through official channels to get their applications and checklists completed, and by doing so, providing enough bodies for FDU to actually run courses.
And yes - one NEP candidate from the East Coast and one from the West Coast have completed Clearance Diver training.
One did not get selected however, but that is the Clearance Diver unit's perogative. (Its called Selection after all).
But can you really fault these two NEP candidates for passing a physically and mentally demanding course...?
The programme is a complete ruse designed to make these people have a fun year that they can brag about to their friends and hopefully they’ll sign a real contract.
Not gonna lie, that is the intention.
We want sailors. We NEED sailors.
If it gets them through the door of recruiting, and if they sign a new contract to continue being in the Navy - then by all metrics the program is working.
And so far, I have seen only 1 person out of 75 that has voluntarily released in the 1 year this program has run.
Morale in the fleet is getting beat down lower everyday and watching these people come in and take your spot on the course or sail you’ve been dying to get isn’t doing any favours.
If the argument is that *"NEP candidates are having fun, but people in the fleet aren't" *then something else is wrong in the fleet, and the NEP is not the cause of that - with the reasons I have listed above.
Each and every unit, ship, and organization within the CAF and the fleet are near seperate entities - each with their own challenges.
Saying that the NEP is making life worse for these units has no basis in reality. The NEP is not all knowing, nor does it have the power to make random people's lives miserable.
It's like saying HMCS Montreal is having fun sailing, while HMCS Frdericton and HMCS Chalottetown are sad because their ships are broken. It doesn't make sense.
It doesn’t even make any sense for the navy to be spending the money on these people getting courses they don’t need.
First off, the way the military does things is we are given a budget at the start of the fiscal year.
This budget is identified and allocated way in advance of an intented purpose.
For example, the CAF is given a budget. This budget divided between the Army, Navy, and Air Force. This is further divided into other units within these branches.
The Navy and the CAF has identified the need to create a program to encourage civilians to join the Navy, and retain them after their initial contract. The Government has approved this program and allocated a portion of this years' budget to fund this program.
This program, the NEP, is doing its best with the money allocated to them to ensure that the sailors under their care are taken care of and given enough positive experience so that they hopefully willingly sign another contract, so that our Navy has enough Sailors in the future to sail our ships and complete our missions.
If we don't move heaven and earth to get these Sailors now - then even people who have joined the Navy normally like you and me will be unable to sail in the future because ships are just severely undermanned.
Also I would like to share a personal anecdote...
My RQS3 course had 12 people. Of those 12, after four years 6 had left the forces due to one reason or another.
In my trade, you can apply for a Specialist skill within a Specialist trade.
The Navy will train you and fly you to whatever ship to complete your course. Basically whatever is needed to ensure you pass that course.
All you have to do is study hard.
I have seen people who pass this course - and then end up not sailing and then they lose their qualification.
This, after the Navy spent so much resources, money, and man hours into getting these Sailors qualified, but then they just up and decide this isn't for them.
The argument of "why are these NEP candidates getting this and that when they leave anyway?" is severely misguided when you and I both know there are already people in the Navy who throw away opportunity to the winds...
So hopefully dear SiMa'am Maple Hams, please reconsider your opinion on the program.
In short, the NEP is not stealing resources from othe units.
The NEP is operating within the resources and mandate given to them - and in some cases, actually directly or indirectly contributing to the success of other units in the Navy by providing an investment of manpower that we badly need.
If we were like other NATO countries, then I would argue that this program is unnecessary if we consider the option of outright mandatory military service and conscription.
But we are not like those other countries, and we do not have the option of conscription...
So we have this program instead.
For your consideration, SiMa'am.
PS, I would personally like to extend my thanks to the crews and personnel of the following units for supporting the NEP program:
HMCS St. John's (they have been our most supportive unit).
HMCS Ville de Quebec (thank you for taking time off your busy schedule for allowing job shadowing for the NEP candidates).
HMCS Chalottetown (thank you for taking care of our candidates during your deployment. we know the sea state between Iceland and Halifax was bad, but that didnt let your crew from throwing the NEP candidates to the side).
HMCS Harry Dewolf (your willingless to employ NEP candidates allowed them to become familiar with the platform, and sets the candidates up for success)
NFS(A) Scheduling and Booking Cells (you have always accomodated our requests and has never let us down when we needed help)
Tribute Tower Galley (thank you for employing our candidates and for providing them with delicious food - some of our candidates have never eaten this well in their life)
Juno Tower Accomodations and Booking Cell (you are the first people we contact to get our NEP candidates set up after CFLRS, and without your help we wouldn't even be able to do anything)
CFB Halifax Dockyard Gym and CFB Shearwater Gym (thank you for accomodating our fitness related requests, including letting us borrow the gym so our candidates can see what it is like to swim for their life before they apply for courses)
FDU Atlantic and Pacific (we apologize if we had sent people who were not physically able to complete the courses you offer - to be fair, they are really hard, but we are working on making the quality of people we offer to send better. Hopefully we can continue sending candidates to fill in courses so they do not get cancelled).
Clothing Stores (thank you for setting up our candidates with their kit!)
Base Logistics, Maritime Operations Group, Fleet Padre's office, Fleet Master Sailor and Junior's Mess, FMF Cape Scott, Halifax MFRC, SISIP, PCC(A/P), Health Services Stadacona, TEME, CFLRS, Recruiting, Public Affairs, MARLANT/MARPAC, and the various units all over - for reasons too many to list, we thank you for supporting the program in all the unique ways you do.
Despite what some may say about the Naval Experience Program - all of you have given the program all the support the program could ask for and more.
If you all didn't care, then we wouldn't be here.
Disclaimer: These are my own opinions and does not reflect the official position of the NEP, the Navy, the CAF, or the Government of Canada.

I used RDP every single day. I use krdc to connect to a windows VM. As I said, I do this absolutely every day. Yesterday Manjaro updated parts of my system. The most important thing is that I need RDP, and when I launch the remote desktop app it is missing the VNC and RDP option, and when I try to connect it says "The entered address cannot be handled." I cannot even edit the connection. It generates the same issue.
I did a sudo pamac install xrdc as a test, but that changed nothing.
Does anyone know how to fix this?

Exotic Perk: Golden Remnant
This weapon upon first draw fires one massive damage golden gun shot as long as golden gun is equipped costing the weapons full magazine, strong against barrier and unstoppable champions. After firing this single shot, reload speed is reduced by 65% (meaning it takes longer to reload) and the next magazine applies the Light Burnout de-buff on the wielder. Killing an enemy with Golden Remnant grants a medium amount of super energy, stronger enemies give more super and grenade energy, up to 35%, Guardians in the crucible count as 5% and guardians with their super active count as 7.5% as long as your super bar is under 75%. After casting your super, you may use this ability again by holding 'R' while the gun is at a full magazine. Dying does not allow the ability to be used again. If golden gun is not equipped than this this weapons exotic perk is basically useless.
Light Burnout: De-buff
The magazine after the high powered Golden Remnant shot is fired does 30% less damage to rank-and-file enemies, 25% less damage to powerful enemies, and 15% less damage to Bosses, Yellow bar enemies and Guardians. No damage drop-off for guardians with their super active. Switching weapons takes slightly longer as well, at a 5% time increase. this also creates a major decrease to impact and stability and other deficits to other stats. THIS EFFECT ONLY HAPPENS FOR ONE MAGAZINE. Swapping weapons does not remove the effect when switching back unless activating Golden remnant another time.
Special Perk 2: Rekindling Spirit
If the Golden Remnant shot misses a target that shot is refunded at the same strength.
Special Perk 3: Lighting the Fire
This weapon does a medium amount of bonus damage to fallen, scorn, hive and taken with a solar de-buff on them. up to 45% bonus damage. This weapon provides a extremely large explosion if the final shot of a magazine without the Light burnout effect defeats a powerful enemy spreading scorch across a large area.
Catalyst:
Acquired through Master level or higher nightfall's.
Catalyst ability: Splitting Eruption
The initial single strong golden remnant shot turns into two half Golden remnant powered shots that spread scorch to targets and ignites in a short radius around where the shot was fired and gives the wielder radiant for a short duration after a final blow. Stunning a champion with golden remnant creates an additional Golden remnant shot that fires at 35% strength.
Weapon Description:
"It all comes down to how much the traveler likes you and how much you appreciate its gifts" - Zavala
Whoever wielded this weapon before the guardian was deeply invested in the intricacies of the Shard of the Traveler that was used during the Red War to fight back against the cabal. It seems as though word got out about his research and when the cabal caught wind, they came for him. Not much on this in the archives either, must have been a relatively unknown guardian, why wouldn't they contact us after we scurried to the farm? So many unanswered questions. Its unfortunate that he ended up losing his ghost and burning up with the almighty. The weapon schematics we recovered from his corpse intrigue me though, there's.. a piece of the shard on here! - Zavala
Range: 55
Impact: 100 on initial Golden Remnant shot, 70 Normal, and 45 with Light Burnout
Stability: 42 normal, 25 with light burnout
Handling: 31 normal
Reload Speed: 58 normal, 20 After Golden Remnant
Aim Assist: 95 with Golden Remnant 75 Normal, 50 with Light-Burnout
Recoil Direction: 80 Normal, 65 with Light-Burnout
Magazine Size: 1 with base Golden Remnant, 10 Normal Hand Cannon shots
Air Effectiveness: 28 Normal, 18 with Light Burnout
How to acquire weapon:
This weapon can be collected through a series of 6 quest steps involving,

1. Gather hand cannon and solar super data across the system (Zavala)

25 Guardian super kills
150 Hand cannon kills

1. Complete Nightfall's on "Master" Difficulty with an exotic hand cannon equipped. Grandmaster Nightfall's count as 2. Hero nightfall's count as 0.05 and Solo Legend Nightfall's counts as 0.5 Legend Nightfall's with a fireteam count as 0.1.

2 strikes completed

1. Complete the "Solar Pathway" Exotic Quest on Mars

Defeat "Kargen, the reimagined"
Quest Completed 1 Potential Reward: (Unique Exotic armor)
rewards, Golden Core (NOT A USABLE WEAPON, TAKES UP A KINETIC INVENTORY SLOT)

1. Visit the enclave on mars and present it your findings

Enclave Visited
Rewards: Worn out weapon history books and Next quest step

1. Complete the "Radiant Descendant" Exotic Dungeon on earth: Almighty Crash Site

Defeat "Visage of Rhulk" and "Visage of Nezarec"
Defeat "Sal'aurc, Almighty Champion of the witness"
Rewards: Cosmological Handle (Weapon schematic) REPLACES GOLDEN CORE

1. Meet Zavala at the Enclave on mars and begin the attunement process

Zavala Visited
Rewards: Prodigal Flare
"Radiant Descendant"
It looks like the witnesses troops have scooped up the burnt remnants of the almighty and turned it into their new war bunker, might be a good idea to remove this corruption before they decide to plan their assault on the last city.
On arrival, Defense systems activate.
1st encounter: ENTER THE MINDSCAPE (Defeat the Visage of Rhulk) Potential Reward: Sniper Rifle or Helmet
2nd Encounter: Destroy The Weapon. Reward: Class item or chest piece
3rd Encounter: ENTER THE MINDSCAPE (Defeat Visage of Nezarec) Potential Reward: Hand Cannon or Leg armor
4th Encounter: Unlock the door: SURVIVE 5 minutes. Potential Rewards: Linear Fusion Rifle or Auto Rifle
5th Encounter: Prove your worth, Summon and defeat Sal'aurc. Potential Rewards: Exotic Engram x2 or Grenade Launcher, Rocket Launcher or Scout Rifle

I’m coming home this August for 10 days and I’m seriously dreading being at home. My grandma’s house is old school wood panel walls with thin exterior walls and siding. Ceiling is sort of a drop ceiling with soft tiles that holds the hot air up in the house. Jealousies throughout. There are two living rooms. The enclosed patio with cool cement floors and open ceiling is grandma’s living room. We utilize the front room while we are there as it has carpet for my daughter to play on. It has a huge glass pane window, jalousies, and front door with a screen door. No matter how many fans running or how early we open the door to let the cool air in, that room becomes the hottest room in the house. Doesn’t help that it faces west.
The house would cool a little if we open all the jalousies in all the rooms and let the cross wind blow in. But grandma goes into every room and closes all the windows because she doesn’t like the windows open if nobody is in that room. She is also very thin and gets cold easily. She wears a thin cardigan all day. And since we are coming home so that my daughter can spend time with her great-grandma (my grandma), we are going to be at home quite a lot.
I need help with the cooling. We are obviously not going to displace grandma from her living room nor are we going to open the windows to let the breeze make her feel cold. We just need to cool that front room. We have tried a portable AC last year and it did absolutely nothing. Like blowing hot air back into the room. Can’t install a wall unit. Is there like a giant AC fan? Is there a reverse fan to suck out the hot air? Need some options. Thank you!

When creating a game, how do you come up with your game mechanics?
I've always found it interesting how different people come up with the ideas, currently in University so I get to see this a lot. Some examples

• A lot of students look at other games and think of how they would recreate a specific mechanic with their own spin.
• Realistic mechanics that are similar to how you would do them in real life, for example instead of pressing E to open a door, you have to grab the handle with the mouse and move it.
• Remaking a mechanic exactly how it is in another game but placing a new skin on it.
• Balls to the walls smashing ideas together from games, media, books to come up with your ideas.

TL/DR: The next-door neighbor lady began throwing stuff over our new fence while she was cutting grass last Summer. She is doing it again this year. Today, I yelled at her through my Ring camera, she didn’t hear me, or she pretended she didn’t hear me. The stuff she has thrown, has usually always been along the fence line. But today, I saw she did it again, she threw more stuff from the MIDDLE of her yard into our yard. I don’t want to be petty or stoop to her level, any suggestions on how to handle this…?
Well…I’ve spoke up…the next door neighbor lady, who’s done a lot of crap since moving in almost 3 years ago, was once again today was throwing things over the fence today when cutting her grass…. I happened to catch her thru my Ring camera (yes I now look when she’s near the fence), and I shouted ‘what the hell are you doing..??’ She merely kept cutting her grass, acting as though she didn’t hear me, or maybe she truly didn’t hear me.
So then, I was quite annoyed, as she’s been doing this all last summer and now into this summer. So I kept watching her when she would get near our yard. I noticed she picked up something in the middle of her yard, and as she pushed her mower towards our yard, she held whatever it was in her hand, then she threw it in our yard. WTHECK…???!
WWYD…? I am a senior citizen, with some health issues and disabilities, and I live alone, and she has quite a nasty boyfriend, and she is quite nasty herself. So I feel like they might gang up on me, or retaliate somehow. I do have an attorney who is somewhat aware of the situation. Would it be worth my while to have the attorney send some type of certified letter…? Obviously, I want to least confrontational solution possible. Nothing that’s going to really around her feathers or provoke her boyfriend. So, that means not stooping into her level, although she probably would deserve it. Advice…? WWYD…?
I guess I can’t take it too personal, because she still throws pinecones from her trees into the other neighbors yard when she cuts grass.
In case anyone is wondering, I say ‘our fence’ because the house is owned by me and my brother, although he lives over an hour away.

I love the idea of Kosmik but the execution isnt quite there yet. I plan on trying it out further but theres a couple of things that get in the way. This is my first impressions review and what i intend as constructive feedback
Usability (testing on windows 10)
Smaller stuff easy to improve (but are creating attrition for me constantly)

• (BUG) For me right-click -> create if i dont navigate correctly to the desired option the sub-menu with the options disapear while the main right-click menu still shows. I need to close the menu and re-open it to try again
• Lack of basic keyboard functionality like shift+arrows for selecting text
• Wich is very weird- on one hand things like text editing are telling me 'this is mouse first', meanwhile i cant drag the canvas with the mouse, only by pressing space...?
• Im constantly confused by the delete key not working, instead only the backspace deletes cards
• Cards can only be resized on their corners
• I expected dragging urls would add then to the canvas and bookmarking being some sort of traditional bookmarks. Took me awhile to figure it out
• Theres a Tag button on the browser, but applying tags to the open browser and later closing the browser dont make that url appear anywhere searching for that tag
• 'Bookmarks'(urls on canvas) for me are failing to show any image or preview beyond the default space station illustration (except for kosmik own website)...
• ...and then the app prevents me from resizing the cards RATIO- i can make the card smaller but i cant make it more of a rectangle or very small, im forced to have a big square repeated ilustration for each, and with no alternative like folding then
• Absent settings for the overall app and smaller features or options- like ui size, custom keyboard shortcuts, dark mode

At least on windows feels a bit undercooked. I dont know wether some of those are design choices or features still missing but i feel the design a bit at odds- in some parts it conveys 'use mouse only/first' in others it demands keyboard, and in the mean time some of the common design patterns both for mouse and keyboard arent used or use some non-tradional choice- making it harder to learn, creating some confusion or wrong expectations.
For example the bookmark icon is a vey tradional and ubiqutuous skeumorphic symbol for a very common feature that saves urls or files in a list, tradionally urls. Some apps get away using then for favorite files, photos or other things given their context so the user can imagine the equivalent in a given context... but here it shows alongside the in-app browser, next to an url... Maybe a different icon, like a card with a Plus sign and a tip 'add to canvas'?
I dont understand why tags are in the browser if apparently they only work with cards added on the canvas. If the intent was treating the open browser as a canvas element then said browser should be like a card (for example being able to open multiple browser windows in different universes) as if they were cards. Right now the browser is like a temporary tool...
If the intention (im trying to deduce here) was to apply tags before bookmarking so the bookmark already apply said tags then both operations would work better together- 1 button, the add-site to canvas, and that button opening up a prompt to add tags before confirming if desired.
Overall- Service, app, marketing
I was a bit misled regarding expectations because of a video/moto 'best browser for research' - so i installed it expecting more of a Browser with a canvas then a canvas with a very limited in-app browser. So i came expecting multiple tabs or adding extensions...
I dont mean to say the app should be like a browser BUT it is a interesting area to improve and turn into its differential, given some of the competition and how most people would be using it alongside a browser anyway
In a general sense my impressions:
From the 'best browser for research' perspective:

• Some missing browser features creates attrition, like quickly switching between 2 sites (tabs or some alternative) or having common used urls quickly acessible (like favorites/bookmarks in a traditional sense)
• For example if i have a site i commonly use or search and wanted to quickly open the app requires we add then to a universe. If i make a universe of 'favorites' they will only open those sites on that particular universe... if i want those common shortcuts elsewhere id have to add then to each and every universe...?
• Given the research goal, existing features like tags and search i was expecting things like bookmarks could have descriptions. I can add a bookmark to a universe then create a text/note explaining it on 1 universe...
• ...but then i cant add that same bookmark and that text and its tags in another universe, unless i made a new repeated bookmark and written the same thing again
• Therefore 2 feature suggestions: (1)some bookmark list or browser, where the bookmarks can also have tags even if they exist globally (2)optional description for bookmarks, that would be acessible if/when theyre added from bookmarks to a canvas
• Some useful features from some browsers or famous extensions are great for research, like saving and reopening sessions...
• ...or searching through your history
• Theres complete obscurity how the app handles logins, cookies... or options for different profiles. We can make different universes, but i see no way of having different profiles/spaces (with different universes each) where one im logged in with my work mail and the other my personal one.

I wonder if the app allowed for pages inside cards (not previews, rendered pages) would be a good alternative for things like tabs
From a general canvas-notation perspective

• Universes even tough created/saved locally are always in sync with the cloud - im one of those people that dont like having sensitive data on clouds because leaks and data theft by hackers exist (and do hit even huge companies). I wouldnt create some of the universes/notes i naturally would take in Kosmik, only more general browsing links and quick notes- unless it had an option for optional local-only universes
• A lot isnt covered in the FAQ and i couldnt find the answers, such as:
• I see no options for exporting universes or its notes in any way
• I could have no sense if images copy-pasted/dragged from the browser are like urls the canvas render (so no file size) or copy-pasted files that hit the cloud space quota- im under the impression theyre all copy-pasted (and i feel like they shouldnt, the app should consider every url as that and render the url)
• I can see nowhere how much space been used, left, etc

I have used waaay too many notes and canvas apps in my search for the apps that filled that niche for me like id like, and heck for years a good app with canvas was my most wanted feature that almost no one was doing save for few clunky flowchart apps.
Im glad that now theres been a boom of options and ive been giving everyone a chance- but still not one have all the things id like (i could pinpoint a frankenstein of features from different apps id wish into one)... Kosmik is already ahead of half of the competition (imo) just by having both a native app and web view options, and by the apps having the files locally+sync instead of rendering from the cloud only all the time (much faster and snappiers wich is a big deal for me) - and the web/browsing+canvas angle is a very interesting proposition
But that is where i got disapointed- the web-browsing in app alongside canvas is still very limited to hit the potential of that proposition. As it is right now, for example, i feel more confortable having any browser in a smaller window and copy-pasting urls into Kosmik then relying fully on the internal browser, save for quick search queries
I focus so much on the browser aspect not only because it was how i first found about kosmik but also because without that angle it falls short on some alternatives. Not completely btw, drawing tools and pdf handling seem to be great and ahead of some alternatives (some are good at drawing but barely beyond that, others better as notes but with terrible or no drawing)...
But i still feel like the 'best app for research' (browser+canvas/notes+pdf), emphasis on the browsing is the best angle, best bet for Kosmik to grow above alternatives... but extra emphasis on potential- i dont feel like its hitting that note quite yet, at least not on windows.
I will try to stick with Kosmik for awhile despite the clunkiness and attriction i feel, but not as id like to use it and more like a buffer between traditional browsing/searching and taking my notes- im planing on inserting Kosmik in between as quick notes for links before later refering to then on notes elsewhere... but i confess im sort of forcing this workflow just to keep using kosmik and keep tabs on updates- im sticking around in the hopes of what may come and not for what it currently is.
I have high hopes for the app and in my case (i lean more towards power user then casual) even if i use other apps a good better version of Kosmik in this niche would fit for me even alongside other apps. Heck i currently use 2 similars in tandem (similar in notes/canvas) for their different strengths and niches- and neither have carved web browsing research as their niche
Anyway, those were my very long 2cents. I hope the feedback is taken positively

https://www.reddit.com/Webull/comments/1cruzuz/webull_ominibus_backdoor_roth_conversion/
I feel like my Backdoor Roth Conversion was processed incorrectly by an inexperienced employee. What if they indeed process incorrectly, how should I handle it for 2024 tax return? I have strong feeling that it is messed up. I used to do Backdoor Roth Conversion (some of IRA contribution) with Webull in 2022 and 2023, there were no issue, but they were Apex accounts before.
Yes, it is small broker, which requires submitting paper form for Backdoor Roth Conversion. It is manually processed by employee, so someone could process it incorrectly, I guess.
Does Webull support a Backdoor Roth IRA?

Album here: https://ibb.co/album/Ld67XS
I managed to lose my keys and was forced to kick my bedroom door in once my housemate let me back into the apartment. What would be the best way of repairing this door and putting a new lock/handle back in?
Should I rip all the wood hanging off already straight off and try and patch it somehow? The screwhole for the top of the lock insert is still intact so it can be screwed back in at the top, but not at the bottom as the wood is completely broken there.
Not really sure how best to approach this and don't want to do anything drastic before seeking a second opinion. A lot of the content I found online seemed to assume the door frame was broken (it's not) and the door remained intact.
Thanks!

I (27f) was brought up in a house with my brother (24m), my mum (47f) and dad (45m). When I was younger my parents decided to have 2 more children, 2 girls - now 12 and 10. I now also have my own children, 7f, 4m, and 2f, and am in a beautiful happy marriage.
A little back story, I was pretty much a scapegoat my whole life, my brother the golden child, let's just say none of us are on speaking terms with him anymore due to him always getting what he wanted when he was younger. As he grew and after the 2 younger of us were born, he started hearing more "no's", he didnt like that and after a lot of threats, holes in walls, drugs etc, I decided to cut all contact with him. He then decided to cut contact with our parents 🤷🏽‍♀️
Anyway, we recently found out that our 7yo has adhd, and our 4yo has adhd and asd. I also found symptoms in myself that made me question my brain, and got diagnosed with asd, adhd and cptsd (i dont remember my childhood from 5yo-13yo, but remember all the crap traumatic parts). Whilst we were getting our array of diagnoses my parents decided to go through their own processes with my sisters, still in the process, no diagnoses have been made. This is where it starts, the 12yo, I'll call her Stacy, she is me, I was her, she is the scapegoat, she gets the blame for everything, nothing she does is right, she doesn't get help, doesn't get hugs and kisses or love. I see the ptsd symptoms coming out in her and it hurts my heart, I want to take her, adopt her and run away with her. I give her the love she needs because i can see she doesnt get it from our parents, not gonna lie, she has her faults, we all do, we're only human, but compared to our sister and brother, she's amazing.
The 10yo, I'll call her Anna, she is horrible, she makes mean comments, she manipulates to get her own way, she falsely accuses people - and not of small things, she craves attention and loves to be in the centre, she hates when my 7yo has any sort of attention and will try her best to steal it, especially from our mum, it's like she knows how to hurt your feelings and will do it if you don't do what she wants, she's showed my 7yo inappropriate videos, one day I was looking after her because she was "sick" I was in the bathroom, heard my 4yo (who was also sick with whooping cough at the time), crying begging her to stop she didn't realise I had opened the door and caught her hitting him on the head with a pillow, I told her to stop and she did. Anyway she is always looking for approval especially from female adults, she is just mean, she doesnt do anything wrong, she gets coddled while Stacy gets the blame for everything, and gets punished for everything even if she didnt do anything. My parents do nothing, they don't explain to her what she's done is wrong or why it's wrong, they sit on their phones all day, everyday and just say "oh she just has autism", but it's not an excuse... we're really not dumb, you can teach us that it's not okay to do things. I know this is how they handle it because we live on the same property, in separate dwellings, and it's the same everyday pretty much, I try my best to keep separated from them, especially Anna because she is having a negative mental effect on our 7yo, but they come over uninvited and say "mum and dad are being boring, they're just on their phones like always". Everytime I go over they've either locked themselves in the room or are sitting on the couch looking at Facebook, and expect the kids to just watch TV all day, not doing anything. I just see the same cycle happening again, Anna turning out like our druggo brother, and Stacy ending up with CPTSD and wanting to run away.
Anna falsely accused myself of scratching her with a stick today, when I was nowhere near her, she put on a whole act, crying and everything. This isn't the first time this has happened, the first time was falsely accusing my husband of something similar, when I was with them and told the truth whilst my mum was on her side and was never there. Tonight, I got deathstared by my mum, usually its the silent treatment, but also got told "Anna feels like you treat Your son like he has autism but you don't treat her like she has autism", she hasn't been diagnosed either so we don't know if it really is autism, and I treat my son with respect because he treats me with respect, I treat him the way he treats me, with love and kindness (i told mum this in different words). There is no love, kindness or respect in Anna, and if there is you can't see it, it's like she demands respect but won't give it, to anyone at all. If she doesnt get her way, then all hell breaks loose.
So anyway I told my mum "i have autism too mum. you can't use autism as an excuse for the rest of her life. Females, especially where we live, will not tolerate these accusations and comments and she will get knocked out, instead of saying 'she has autistim' teach her what shes doing is wrong" all she said to that was "well, if that happens, that's a life lesson she has to learn" but I don't think it should get to that point? Just teach her while you can before you regret it?
Now i know no one is the same, i know no autistic brain is the same, i know we say inapproriate things and we dont know the meanings sometimes etc. But i dont think using it as an excuse is okay? Its as if they've got the idea of autism in their head and now they dont have to discipline or teach her whats right from wrong? Anyway, I'm always the bad guy according to my parents, or am I? You tell me, I dunno. I'm used to always getting the blame so I sometimes I wonder if I actually am the AH? 🤔
I love my siblings, all 3 of them. Regardless of what has happened between my brother and I, or my sisters and I, I will always love them. I miss my brother, when we wasn't intoxicated he was the best person ever, intoxication is his life now and he's not the person I used to know. I love my sisters dearly and I would do anything to save both from this cycle.

original setting by Michael McNeill
Myrla sat at one of the tables in the food court area of Nantrella Station. The Greylin’s crew had discovered several ships docked with family members on board and this had led to a rather impressively large impromptu family reunion with several dozen kwonese spacers gathered up in one space.
She was sitting slouched over the table, the only human in a sea of furry ratfolk, nursing her drink. It was a chocaf that one of the family from another ship had spiked with something s/he said was an intoxicant that she would enjoy. Myrla wasn’t sure if it was intoxicating, but it did add a pleasant richness to the drink and it warmed her in a way chocaf didn’t normally do.
She was reaching the end of her drink and was starting to wonder if she should try to find the kwonese who had spiked her drink to ask for a second round when she realized some of her crewmates nearby were talking about her. She hadn’t been listening, really, her mind just floating along in the comfortable feel of the “group-snuggle” as they called it, so she wasn’t sure what was going on.
After a few seconds of focusing on the conversation, she realized they were bragging about her. That was when one of them turned to her, dragging her into the conversation.
“Yah, see! This Myrla, she top stevedore, better than ya porter drone!” Nellin, one of the crew-family she had little interaction with other than when it was time to hustle cargo, had grabbed her by the sleeve and was tugging her into a small cluster of kwonese sitting around one of the tables. She only recognized one other face as being part of the Greylin crew. Nellin served as the ship’s load-master and chief stevedore, so she assumed the others in the group likely held similar positions on their own ships.
Myrla hoisted her cup in greeting, a lopsided smile on her face. Then she realized she did know another of the faces in the group – the cousin who had spiked her chocaf. Grinning, she pulled her arm free of Nellin’s grip and pointed to him then to her almost empty cup. “I’m going to need some more of that, cousin.”
This set off titters of laughter around the crew as the kwonese in question hauled out a silver flask from his vest pocket. “Powerful stuff, yah!” He made smacking sounds as he fixed her another chocaf from the table’s dispenser. “Makin’ it on the Yeongja, we do. Best you find.”
She drained her first cup and picked up the second. If it was an intoxicant, it was either incredibly weak or it was so smooth that it would hit her like a sledgehammer later. Either way, it was a delightful pairing with the bitterness of the chocaf. She took a sip of the fresh drink, smiling as the warmth seeped into her. The group shuffled around to make a spot for her to sit.
One of the others, a grizzled older kwonese, looked at her one eyebrow raised. “Nellin say you top stevedore. Say you outwork drone. Been load-master on Yeongja ten year and four more now on /San Matteo/. Not seeing that happen yet.”
She looked over Nellin and raised her cup in his direction. “[Samchun ]()[[MM1]](#_msocom_1) has never voiced displeasure with my work. If he wishes to say I work harder than a cargo drone, that is his choice.”
Her comment brought hoots of laughter from around the table. Out-bragging in a family was something of a sport with the kwonese and diplomatically saying they were boasting without calling them a liar was an integral part of the game, even better if you were doing so in support of them.
“Well-saying, [olinee]()[[MM2]](#_msocom_2) .” The grizzled cargo-chief crinkled his snout and raised his glass at her. “But now chincheog making me curious. Never seeing such a thing not being the same as impossible thing.” He paused to scratch his whiskers. “Not working much with your kind, true, so never seeing how much you can do.” Several of the group lightly slapped the tabletop and looked in her direction.
She glanced down at Nellin, seeing his whiskers twitching. His body language was just like it would be if they were playing cards and he were holding a winning hand, waiting on the pool to grow. Long seconds passed before the one she’d mentally dubbed “Mister Flask” leaned in.
“Let’s make it interesting.”
And there it was. Cred-chips started hitting the table and in moments, crew from all the ships were aware of the betting taking place. She sat, sipping her doctored chocaf, as the kwonese around her seemed to turn into a boiling pool of sleek fur and whiskers. Across the table, “Mister Flask” raised his cup to her … and winked.
She grinned back at him, returning the gesture. Now what was that all about?
One of the twins – probably Mikkeulon, from the scent – saw the exchange and leaned close to her. “Oh-ho! You catching Peulla’s eye, then! Good choice, but he wild.”
Myrla sputtered into her cup, but before she could say anything, the twin was gone. Then Nellin leaned in close. “You got this, girlee. Seen you move more easy. Just be going slow and easy and Greylin family got drinks for all station-time, ya.”
Myrla smiled to herself, shaking her head. The cargo-master may have said the Greylin’s crew would have all their drinks covered during their port-time, but given the kwonese need for these family get-togethers, “hajog-poog” they called them, every kwonese on the station would be regular visitors to the Greylin. The betting was just the method they used to pick which ship the party was held on.

It wasn’t long before the entire party had relocated to the docks where San Matteo was set to disgorge its cargo. The grizzled cargo-master, who Myrla now knew to be named Tostiklin, had one of the enormous cargo bays set up for the impromptu competition. She’d sent Orak off to the /Greylin/ to retrieve her backpack, leading to a humorous scene as the young kwonese came running into the docking area dragging the pack that was easily as large as he was. She stripped away the actual pack and her possessions that it held, leaving just the pack-frame. She tasked Orak with perching on the pack itself, to make sure it didn’t get lost in the excitement.
She walked over to the small cluster of cargo-masters and hefted her packframe. “I assume I’m allowed to use a cargo rack, since the drone has one?” She watched as several of them suppressed snickers and Tostiklin wrinkled his snout in amusement.
He waved absently. “Yahyey, of course! Wanting a fair run, we.” He motioned the cargo drone over, which stood almost twice as tall as its crewmates. The crowd settled down to a low murmur as the cargo master addressed the two. “This being the rules. Moving cargo for one minute, as much as you can, ya. No helping from others. No interfering with other stevedore. Move you stack from where it is to indicated position.” He pointed to a pair of chalked squares some thirty feet away from the initial stacks. “Is good?”
The drone’s head rotated from the kwonese to Myrla to the two stacks of cargo containers and back. “I to compete against this gentlebeing? Moving cargo like normal work?”
“Yes, Ledo.”
The drone dipped its head. “Understood but I do not understand why.”
Myrla leaned close to the drone. “They gambling on us. Who can shift more.”
The drone tipped its expressionless face first to one side then to the other while looking at her, a low whir of servos barely audible. Then it looked toward the group of kwonese for a moment. “Oh. Oh. Then … perhaps I should apologize now?”
Myrla grinned. “Apologize for what?”
“I am made to shift significant amounts of cargo. You do not appear to be. I shall apologize now for embarrassing you in front of your shipmates.”
Myrla laughed and patted the drone on its arm. “It’s all in fun, Ledo. I won’t be embarrassed.”
She could detect a faint note of smugness in the mechanical’s speech. “Very well. Then let us proceed.”
“Geebees, are clear on rules?” Myrla and Ledo both indicated their assent. “Then please stand by cargo.”
When they had taken their places, Tostiklin pulled a whistle from his pocket and blew on it. Myrla and Ledo began quickly assembling their loads. Remembering Nellin’s admonition, she carefully restricted her load, adding two containers more to hers than the drone loaded onto itself. It was enough weight to slow her down considerably, but she could still keep up with Ledo without straining.
Together, they dropped their cargo loads inside their assigned squares and Myrla fought the urge to race ahead of the drone, keeping pace with it instead. Twice more the cycle repeated itself, with Myrla carrying just enough extra to stay ahead in the count.
When the whistle blew a second time, the gathered cargo-masters counted the crates in each stack. Tostiklin’s face was a study in surprise as he counted Myrla’s stack again.
He looked at Nellin. “Your stevedore has clearly won. By a mere six crates, but she has won.” The kwonese erupted into cheers and groans, depending on the amount of credits they had won or lost. Tostiklin held up a hand and the crowd quieted down. “But you say she outwork drone. Win by six is much as keep up with drone.”
The crowd inhaled as a whole. /San Matteo/’s cargo chief was treading the fine line of being rude, almost accusing Nellin of lying. The older kwonese narrowed his eyes, looking for at Nellin, then Myrla, then at the crowd. “I like very much to be seeing her truly outwork drone. What is prize money?” One of the younger cargo-masters gave him the figure. “I say offering own creds to match that, double or nothing.”
The crowd went wild, the line of propriety saved. Myrla doubted Nellin had that sort of funds available, based on his change in body language. From behind her, she heard a female kwonese start chanting, “Match! Match!” She and Nellin turned to look, seeing Captain Wanniv shaking her fist in the air. In seconds, all the /Greylin/’s crew was chanting with her.
“Match! Match! Match!”
Nellin looked at her, his nervousness evident, even though things were going exactly like he’d told her they would. She winked at him and gave him a quick nod.
His bearing changed imperceptibly as he turned back to Tostiklin. “Yahyey, chincheog. You be seeing truth.”
Ban Baekui had sidled up beside her, patting her arm. “Time be taking off the governor, ya.”
She nodded absently, her gaze wandering around the room, watching as dozens of groupings indicated the level of betting taking place. “Got your bets made, chief?”
“Already making creds plenty. This to be sheer kwaja!”
She looked down at him, grinning. “The captain plays cards with Nellin, doesn’t she?”
Ban gave her a curious tilt of his head. “Frequently. Why you ask?”
Myrla nodded to herself, looking around again. “She backed him up at the perfect time. This gonna bring some notoriety to the Greylin. And that converts to …” She looked back at the ship’s lead mechanic, grinning broadly.
“Jobs. Bigger and better.” Ban nodded, grinning back. “Not playing cards with you, girlee. Best getting ready, then.”
Ban faded back into the crowd, leaving her with Nellin. “You good with this? Tossi want longer timeframe for this.”
Myrla dropped to one knee, making it so she had to look up slightly at the cargo master. “I need some advice, chief.” Nellin blinked in surprise at the abrupt change in the situation. When he signaled his assent, she continued. “There’s more going on than what I’m seeing. You just used a blood-kin name for him. The captain backed you up publicly under his challenge, so she’s now tied the two of you together, your win is now her win, and your loss her loss. Tostiklin almost called you a liar in front of everyone, but pulled it out by upping the bet.” She scanned the crowd, seeing several non-kwonese beginning to intermingle. “And that is interesting. More geebees are joining the party. And those aren’t spacers.” Her eyes narrowed. “Those are brokers – I recognize two of them.”
Nellin wrung his hands, a faint tang of nervousness coloring his odor. “Is … is complicated.”
“Not from my end, chief. Tostiklin wants to see how hard I can work, because he wants to learn more about my people and is willing to pay for the privilege. And he wants to see me lose to gloat…” She looked at Nellin as he started squirming again. “He doesn’t want me to lose.” She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “Who is he related to by blood on the Greylin?”
“He brother to captain’s father…” Myrla’s eyes lit up in sudden understanding. “…and is brother to my mother’s mother.”
Myrla’s jaw dropped slightly as several puzzle pieces clicked into place. “He … he doesn’t want us to fail at all. He’s loaning the captain operating money as well as boosting the ship’s reputation.”
Nellin put his hands out to shush her. “Not be saying this!”
The good side of her mouth pulled up in a smile. “Don’t worry, not a word. Plus, by challenging you like this, you gain even more credibility with the family after I smoke that presumptuous cargo drone at his own game. You gain a reputation for understating how good something is.”
“See … is complicated.”
“Chief, go make your personal bets. This run is about to get interesting.”
The next ten minutes was a flurry of action as bets were made and new spectators arrived from stationside. At one point, Peulla drifted by, pressing another cup of that deliciously spiked chocaf into her hand with a wink. Soon, the cargo masters were huddled up again.
Tostiklin had found a voice amplifier somewhere, letting his voice be heard over the noises of the much-larger crowd. “We be setting round two. Nellin, loadmaster of the Greylin Bostlin, say he crewmate outwork cargo drone. We see earlier this geebee do that.” He indicated Myrla and she waved at the crowd, to delighted cheers from more than just her shipmates. “I say she barely beat cargo drone and I ask for a rematch. I offer double to see she truly outwork drone!” The crowd roared excitedly. “I ask to see geebee outwork drone and just minutes not enough. I ask for one whole hour!”
The crowd erupted into a frenzy and Myrla blinked in confusion. Nobody mentioned hauling cargo for an hour, she thought.
Captain Wanniv had slipped up beside her. “Just another day on the docks, ya?”
Turning to the captain with a smile, she said, “Using my own words against me as inspiration? I’m … well, I don’t guess I’m shocked. And yes, I’m good for it.”
“Is good. All this good.”
Myrla gave the captain a wink. “I love how they brought in some of the local cargo brokers and the Dockworker’s Guild to watch. San Matteo is a respected crew. To see them give the Greylin respect will carry weight later.”
The captain’s eyes crinkled. “I have no idea what you mean.”
Finally, the crowd calmed down again. Siezing the moment, Myrla stepped forward to address the Matteo’s cargo-master. “Samchun, it seems to me that all of our competition is being done handling cargo from the San Matteo. If we are unloading cargo, then am I working for you? And, if I am working, then as a member of the Stevedore and Dockworker’s Guild, I have to be paid or I lose my license. And I cannot bet on myself.”
The crowd fell to a dead silence as Tostiklin’s eyebrows rose slowly, first one then the other.
“FAIR!” Someone in the crowd shouted.
Tostiklin glanced in the direction of the speaker and turned back to Myrla, nodding slowly. “Wisdom speaks.” A grin slowly spread across his face. “I will pay you one hour with a bonus in proportional to how well you outwork the drone.”
Myrla nodded. “I accept these terms and your grace in offering them.” This brought a round of applause from the crowd.
“Again! This being the rules! Moving cargo for one hour, as much as you can, ya. No helping from others. No interfering with other stevedore. Move you stack from where it is to indicated platform.” He pointed to a pair of conveyor platforms some thirty feet away from the initial stacks. “Is good?”
Both workers gave their assent.
“Geebees, to your starting places!” Again, a blast from the whistle signaled the start of the competition. Both fell to their task and worked steadily, but Myrla thought it looked as though the drone knew it had already been beaten. For every stack of crates it moved, she moved twice as many. When it tried to match her volume, its speed dropped off significantly to the sound of overloaded drive motors.
They were well and thoroughly inside the cargo bay of the /San Matteo/ and the crowd was only able to keep up by watching on a series of holoscreens that had been set up for the purpose. True to Bae’s request, she “pulled the governors off,” falling into her work-trance, letting the crates guide her flow. The conveyor platforms advanced with them, never more than thirty feet away, making the job a bit less arduous. The cargo-master group was inside with them, as well, and Myrla shut them out by treating them like she did any other client who hung out to watch her work.
She was so deep into her work that the whistle caught her by surprise and Nellin had to physically intervene to get her attention.
“Is good, girlee. We done it. YOU done it.”
Myrla walked out of the cargo hold, blinking and shaking her head, trying to get refocused on where she was. Then she realized the entire hajog was chanting her name. Bae and Wanniv were waiting on her at the bay-door. Bae handed her a bottle of water and Wanniv grabbed Myrla’s free hand in both of hers. “You best lucky charm!” As the crowd caught sight of her, the chant broke into a wordless cheer that threatened to overwhelm her.
Finally, the cargo-masters made their counts and conferred together with a lot of nodding and one shaking their head incredulously. Tostiklin motioned her and the cargo drone forward to join them.
“Thinking it clear who wins.” He broke off with a grin as the crowd erupted into cheers again. He tried to continue twice before the cheering died down enough to let him be heard. “Seeing you never slowed down, girlee. Thinking maybe you having another gear or two.”
Smiling, Myrla shrugged as the crowd went wild again.
“And!” He held up a pouch for everyone to see. “And, here is your payment. One hour’s wage for a class five stevedore. And since you performed double what the drone performed, your wages are doubled.”
Again, the crowd roared and she fought to keep the surprise off her face. She was a class one stevedore and class five rates were significantly higher than she was used to getting. As she accepted the pouch from him, she leaned in to be heard above the crowd. “You are a wise and honorable gentlebeing, Samchun. May your words echo among many gajog.”
That got her an extra cheer from the cargo-chiefs and a pat on the cheek from a grinning Tostiklin. “You taking good-good care of the Greylin crew, then. So, let’s be drinking to this!”

Edit: clarifying because just realised title is misleading. I HAVE NO INTENTIONS ON PURSUING HIM.
Throwaway account just in case there’s a small chance there’s anything on my personal that could take away my anonymity. Before I start, I know this sounds like a troll post but unfortunately my feelings are very real. I (24f) have been a nanny for the past 4 years and also suffer from borderline personality disorder. I’m not trying to push the nanny husband stereotype, I really do hate it, and I also hate myself because of the way I feel.
I’ve been with the same family for almost the past 2 years for a 4yB and 6mG. MB is 39f and DB is 35m. I’ve worked with many families before and after starting for this family, and while it may not always of been perfect, they are for sure one of the best families I’ve worked with. I have a strong bond with the kids and I really do get along well and care about MB and DB. They always tell me how much they love and appreciate me as well.
From the first day I met everyone I have always been attracted to DB, just on a physical level. It wasn’t until a few months in that I started to develop a little bit of a crush on him. In the 2 years I’ve been working for them I’ve gone in and out of having him as one of my FP (bpd terms for “favorite person”). Whenever i gain a FP/obsession with someone (not exclusive to DB), they become all I think and care about. My mood is based off of how well our interactions go, how long it’s been since I’ve last seen/talked to them etc. Sometimes it’s not that intense and I’m usually able to leave all of these feelings at the door and after a few weeks or a month the obsession goes away. I fantasize about spending time with him, going on dates (and other things that wouldn’t be appropriate to specify here) etc. When I tell you he’s the only thing on my mind 24/7 I mean it. I never really went out much before but the past month I’ve been staying away locked in my room even more just thinking about how amazing being with him would be. Even when I’m out I’m always in my head thinking about him and frequently stalk his socials for new pictures of him. TMI but he’s the only thing I can get off to too, and I’ve been doing that like 5+ times a day, I literally can’t help it.
The past month it has been super intense, worse than it has been before. It’s bordering on the longest time I’ve had this obsession/crush and i am feeling incredibly depressed and almost suicidal. I can’t remember when exactly I started feeling this way again. I think part of it is that I’ve been working more hours so I’m seeing him interact with the kids more and witnessing firsthand him being a good dad. I didn’t have a good dad so seeing him be an amazing father to his kids makes me kinda jealous but I also think it’s hot. I look forward towards seeing him every day I go into work, I purposefully try to dress nicer and do my makeup which i rarely ever do just to see if he notices. I do my nails and got hair extensions recently and colored my hair so that he would notice me, yet he hasn’t said anything. My mind tries to convince me that he wants me too even though I know it’s not true. I work mornings and usually pick up one date night a week so they can go out, and I guess maybe that’s where I started realizing that this is becoming a problem. MB asked me to pick up this coming Friday night so he can take her out on a romantic date. I started spiraling after that, just out of pure jealousy. I put the kids down for their nap shortly after and spent 40 minutes in the bathroom bawling my eyes out and considering doing something stupid tonight.
There’s been other instances leading up to this, I guess I should’ve noticed to realize how bad this “crush” is getting. I see her getting ready before I leave wearing cute clothes, hair done, makeup done, and I get mad inside. I see them talking or hear them laughing and it bothers me. It’s never affected me at work until recently. I’m still in the bathroom hyperventilating as I’m typing this. I know I need to go to therapy and put in notice but I can’t afford to do either. I actually need to go on medication again. But even if I could afford to leave or if I had another family lined up, I wouldn’t want to leave. I love the kids so so much and I really do like MB and DB and hope to have good relationships with them for years after I leave, and they always tell me how much they love and appreciate me. These feelings will eventually go away, I know they aren’t forever even though they feel like it. But I can’t stand feeling this way any longer. I know I don’t love him but it really feels like I do. I want nothing more than to be with him and my heart hurts so bad knowing we won’t ever be together. I would do anything to have him in any capacity.
This makes me feel and sound like I’m a terrible person and nanny but I promise I’m not. I’ve never had any complaints, the kids love me and I know I’m great at my job. I love the kids like they’re my own family. When they wake up I’m gonna go back to being my normal happy caring self. It’s gonna hurt but I’ll fake it till I get off and I’ll smoke my feelings away when I get home and cry.
I’m leaving later this year to get a job in my field and the absolute longest I’ll be staying with them is another 4-6 months. Maybe even as little as 3. Anyways, sorry for the long post, I know it’s a mess but I did my best with the paragraphs. I don’t really know what I’m asking for here, just a place to vent because my feelings for him are so intense it’s painful. If anyone has any advice for how I could try handling this for the remainder of my time here or if anyone has any experience with gaining feelings for a DB or MB, I would appreciate it. Thanks for hearing me out

Trigger warning - religious differences
I always bragged about how awesome my extended family was. NO family is perfect, but I heard horror stories and always counted my blessings that I had strong ties with my Aunt and uncles since I was raised an only child. That was until a few months ago when my last living Aunt, whom I considered a second mom, shattered me.
Ok, some backstory here. My aunt is a Jehovah’s Witness. Now before you get all judgy, I have always loved her, my uncle and her son with all of my heart. I still do. I respect that they have found faith and live by this code on the daily. I have met many people from their congregation and loved them all (ok, a couple of exceptions). I also appreciate the community they have and love they all show each other. If it weren’t for the religion itself, I would have converted.
I, however, am pagan and have always been since I was about 5 (even the first book I signed out from the school’s library was about witchcraft). Not raised that way, but always found spiritual comfort in nature and the natural world. I have a very strong connection and dedication to my Powers That Be and work every day to help the world be a better place. My Aunt did not know my religion until about 7 years ago. That being said, she and I would have very philosophical conversations when we hung out together. Even at the age of 8, I would listen to her preach to me and ask questions to which she never had answers. I remember her telling me how only 144,000 people would be allowed in heaven and didn’t I think that would be wonderful knowing that our whole family could be together again after we died. We’d all be in heaven if we were all Jehova;s witnesses. I had gone with her many times to do field service (door to door) and asked her why they do that if there’s only a certain number of people allowed. Didn’t that lessen her chances of getting in because I’m sure there were many people more deserving than myself. How did she know for sure she’d be one of the ones to get in and was that fair to keep bringing people into the religion when all the spaces were probably already filled up?
At 8 years old, I had many questions and was just trying to figure these things out. Since she was an adult, I figured she had the answers. My questions were not with malice, just for a want of better understanding. When she didn’t have the answers, I'd ask my mother and grandmother. While they were extremely amused, they said they never understood either. They never said anything bad about her or her attempts to get them to convert, just allowed me to explore religion and spirituality as I wished so I could make my own decision of what was right for me.
Once I was an adult, I avoided talking to her about religion, but found that if I didn’t ask questions and just let her talk, it made her happy. I know she’s a good person at heart and that’s all that matters. After my Mom passed, my aunt and I talked almost every week. I loved talking to her and she became even more like a mom to me. She gave me encouragement and we supported each other through health and emotional crises. I’d make it a point to try and visit at least once a year for a few days so she could visit with my daughter and I. We’d always do lunch with her friends and I loved it. I fell in love with some of the people in her congregation and wished we could live closer to hang out more. I, however, never wavered on my spiritual beliefs, but I have never cared about the religion, race, or sexuality of anyone. If we got along, we were friends and that was that.
My aunt and I had come to an understanding that I would not convert and that we would love and respect each other regardless. Religious talk was off the table for the most part until both of my uncles (my aunt’s two brothers) passed and she had a very hard time dealing with it. She was the last surviving sibling and she was sinking into a depression. I’d talk to her at length and listen to her as she mourned the fact that she would never have contact with them (and my mom) in heaven because they never converted. When she asked me what I believed, I told her that I believed that the soul lived on after the body died and that I believed in reincarnation. I explained my beliefs were closer to hindu and buddhism than christianity (so she had context). We had very long talks and she expressed that she respected my views and actually found comfort in talking with me.
That was until my daughter and I opened our store about 3 years ago. It’s a metaphysical shop and we have crystals, teas, gifts, jewelry, candles and more (about 10% strict;y pagan). My aunt was happy for us until it dawned on her that we might sell pagan stuff. I told her what we sold and she asked me if I was a witch. I replied that I suppose that was one way to describe me, but, again, I considered myself spiritual and that I followed a path closer to buddhism, hinduism, native american. I sent a couple of pictures of the jewelry that we made and she said when we came down, we should bring the jewelry making.
We did, I brought down our best crystals to wrap and bracelet materials and my daughter and I made her a necklace with a very expensive stone (A $200 piece). She brought her friends over and they picked out crystals that they wanted, made bracelets and such. We had fun and I was happy to do it, though I wasn’t expecting people that I had never met before. Still, we had fun. My daughter and I also brought her a basket with local items from our hometown, (Raw honey, handmade stoneware mugs, cutting board, herbal tea and some other items made by us as well) She was thrilled. My aunt and uncle had taken a couple of bad falls a few months before and so my daughter and I made them hand carved cedar walking sticks as well because we knew they went for regular walks and thought it would help their balance. It felt amazing to lavish expensive and heartfelt gifts on them as I has struggled so long with money. I was finally in a place that I could do it. To say the gifts probably totalled in excess of 1K is on the low side, but I was still happy to do it.
Besides the fact that they tried converting my daughter when I wasn’t around, it was a lovely visit. The only problem I had was with a new person my aunt introduced us to. This woman, we’ll call her Dee, ignored me and only talked to my daughter. She was my age if not older, but conversed with my daughter, 17, like I wasn’t there. They traded contact info and Dee insisted that they keep in touch while my daughter was in college. Dee said she was going to keep an eye on her. I thought that was odd, but I did enjoy the feeling of having an extended family sort of since I actually had no family besides my Aunt.
Let’s jump forward to the following year and we were struggling financially. Not horrible, but unable to lavish the gifts that we did the year before. Instead, I created a beautiful aromatherapy candle, some delicious herbal teas and we found a couple of very rare antique tea cups that had amazing value to them (about $100 a piece). We made a basket for her and I decided we would cook for them. (gluten free, soy free, dairy free etc). Our visit went so well, it was great to see them. We just enjoyed hanging out with them and talking. They loved the meal we made for them and the dairy free organic chocolate I made. Everything was great until the day we were leaving. Dee showed up and again ignored me, talked to my daughter and chastised her for getting a pet snake as that was an animal associated with the devil. My daughter is one to push the envelope a bit and said how she wanted to get a tattoo as well, one of a snake. Both my aunt and Dee were shocked and said she should never get a tattoo.. Again related to the devil, I went to the bathroom as I was not involved in the conversation and knew my daughter could hold her own. Little do they know that my daughter is also trans. I told her not to say anything to them just yet. I came back to them talking about how college was going and I thought my aunt and Dee would faint when she said her college roommate was male. She quickly explained that it was fine because he was gay and how awesome he was (he is btw). She quickly realized what I meant when she saw their reaction to him being gay. It wasn’t that she was living with a boy, it was that he was gay and “why did he choose to be gay.” I tried redirecting the conversation a couple of times, but they ignored me.
They finally let it go, but just after Dee left, we were getting ready to depart as well. My aunt returned the basket I made for her (minus the expensive tea cups). She said she could not accept them as they were touched by the devil. Shocked, I asked what she meant. She said that because they came from my store, they carried Satan's influence and she could not have them in our home. Truthfully, I explained that I made those items for her and that the only things that came from the store were the teacups. She was confused why I had gotten upset. When I explained that I gave her a gift and if she didn’t want it, she could regift it or throw it away. That gift came from my heart with all the love I have for her and that I didn't need to know her opinions about the gifts because It insinuated I, myself, was evil and it was extremely hurtful. She basically continued on insisting that I was just not aware of how much Satan had a hold of me. All I could do was tell her how much I loved her and leave.
I didn’t take her calls and cried about this for over a month. I finally felt strong enough to talk to her and again she insisted that because those items touched my hands, they were influenced by satan and she wished I could understand how they just can’t have that influence in their home. Frustrated, I asked how she could shop at grocery stores or buy anything from department stores because she can’t guarantee that those items didn’t touch hands that were influenced by satan. Also , I asked her how they could have eaten the food I prepared for them and why did they even invite me into their home to begin with if that’s the way she felt about me. She suddenly needed to go.
We talked a few times since then but it always came back to religion. At one point I asked her again why she would even invite us to her home if she felt that way. Her response was to save my daughter. The pain and heartache she has inflicted is immense, but I cannot bring myself to argue the point because I’m afraid if I make my point to her, it will break her. She’s in her 80’s and I believe has the beginnings of dementia. Her religion brings her comfort and I don’t want to say anything that might make her doubt her religion at her advanced age.
I’ve decided it is probably best for both of our mental health to stop all contact with her( with the exception of sending cards telling them how much I love them) even though I’ve always seen her as a second mom. AITA for making this decision and not trying to work things out with her or allow her to believe that I still might convert?
*** Please understand this is not a bash on any religion. Everyone has the right to believe in whatever religion they wish. That includes me, so if you feel the need to bash them or me for our spiritual choices, you can move along ***
I have never felt like I needed to hide any part of me from my friends, family, and the public in general. Not until now. Buckle up, this is a bumpy ride.
I've always been kind hearted, almost to a flaw. I took care of my grandmother, my step-dad, my mom and helped with a family friend during long term and terminal illnesses. I had my daughter and, without her father's help, raised her on my own with very little to no support. I helped friends with their farm who left me homeless in the end because I want interested in an extramarital affair. I lost my home and all that I loved including my husband because he lied to me and never paid it mortgage while I was recovering from an illness. In short, I have had a tough life, but it has never made me turn my back on anyone who needed help or in difficult family when they were ignored by the others. That's just some background before I tell you this situation.
Three years ago, after a bout of covid, my daughter was suicidal. She had been in the top three of her HS class and yet at that point almost failed her junior year. Not knowing if she would have the emotional strength to face college and adulting in general, I set up a plan B for her. I started a store in her name and that way she'd have something at least to fall back on if she was unable to function in the m-f 9 to 5 world. We started slow by doing craft fairs, seeking crystals, candles, jewelry, and gifts. We were kicked out of one because the person running it assumed we were witches. She was not wrong exactly as we identified as pagan, but we lived our life closest to the Buddhist and Hindu traditions, not traditional wicca. These were people who knew us for years and were considered acquaintances if not friends.
Our business flourished and we ended up opening our brick and mortar that fall after remodeling our garage/ barn and turning it into a store front. Even though I run it for my daughter, it is hers and we work together to keep it going.
In the past few years I've lost my mom, and two uncles. I have no family besides my mother's sister and her husband which we were pretty close. My aunt knew that I was pagan and had tried recruiting me into her religion since I was 5. Even at that tender age her religion never made sense and I would ask her questions to which she never had answers. I accepted her and respected her and her religion even though I didn't agree. I loved the people she introduced me to that were in her church and I always got along with them. That is until we visited the year after we started our store. My aunt was thrilled about us bringing crystals down and making jewelry with her. We met a new friend of hers (middle aged woman) who ignored me completely and oozed affection on my daughter. She got my daughter's contact info and contacted her frequently. Trying to convert and ”save” her. My daughter wasn't having it as even though she was in a delicate state, she is very level headed and strong willed.
This year we visited and we brought herbal tea, candies, and rare vintage tea cups for my aunt. The day we were leaving, she handed back everything but the vintage tea cups and told me she couldn't accept them because they were touched by Satan (aka made by my hands). To say I was devastated is an understatement. This woman was always like a second mom to me and we had grown closer after my mom passed away. It was a 20 hour drive home and I cried most of the way. I cried for weeks after a well. Thinking of it now still brings me tears. As she was telling me that Satan had a hold on me and that she was trying to save me, all I did was remind her how much I loved her and my uncle. Every time since then that we have talked, she says the same thing, but now she told me I was a lost cause. I feel like trying to stay in touch is detrimental to her mental health ( and my own). I don't want to give up or abandon the last of my family, but I can't talk to her and endure the endless insinuations that I'm evil because I don't believe in her religion. She took a bad fall and broke her arm. The last time we spoke, she talked as if it was my fault for bringing the devil into her home.
While I could usually brush this off as delusional ranting, it hits hard because the same day she fell, my dad died. I know the Powers That Be only give as much as we can handle, I just wish they didn't have so much faith in me.
They are in their 80s. I know in all the pieces of my broken heart that they'll never be able to accept my daughter and I unless we change religions and it has crossed my mind just to say we have to put her at ease, but I can't lie like that to them and we cannot betray ourselves like that either. By

My (F29) 2 friends (both F30) from university have created a group chat and are urging me to go to Japan with them, since tickets are cheap right now. I told them that I will be going twice this year already, so I will have to pass on going with them and they can just go together.
I don’t want to go with them at all, because I went with them to a different prefecture in Japan 6 years ago and we had so many differences. They are always looking for the cheapest things and places regardless of where it is and what it is. I also had to plan everything and make the itinerary and buy tickets for everything. I was also the designated train expert. I’m okay with staying in cheap hotels as long as it’s in a good location and the bathroom is clean. I’m also okay with taking trains and walking instead of taking taxis, since the price difference is insane and I love walking anyways. What I’m not okay with is eating at 7/11s, family marts, or random restaurants that have 1 star reviews but are cheap. I know I sound crazy, but I love food. I love to eat. I especially love to eat when I’m on vacation. I’m not rich by any means, but I would rather save up and eat whatever I want and go to whatever attraction I want on vacation rather than go there and just stare at food and places I cannot afford. Eating while on vacation is one of the best experiences. Especially in Japan!
When I went with them 6 years ago, I wanted to try this yakiniku restaurant, but they did not, since they found it to be expensive. It was about 30USD per person. I acquiesced since they both didn’t want to eat there. They chose this random restaurant with a more affordable menu. The food was about 10USD per dish. I just ate ice cream, because the food did not look appetizing at all and even they were having a hard time finishing it. The bill came and we were all shocked. There was a random door charge that was about $10 each person. I was pissed. They wanted to complain to the waitress, but how in the world were we going to complain when it was probably normal in that area. I just stayed quiet the rest of the night and told myself to just let it go. The next day came and we were in line at this famous tonkatsu restaurant. It was about $20 per meal and when we sat down they only ordered one croquette ($5) per person because they didn’t have want to order a $20 meal. The croquette wasn’t even that big so they were still hungry. My meal was a set and was refillable, so they just ate my rice and soup. It was honestly really embarrassing, because the waitress was staring at us and I just wanted to melt. I’m not dragging them to $100 per meal restaurants here. I completely understand that people have different budgets for different things, but I feel like this is too extreme. We also went to a theme park and instead of riding different rides, they got tired after 3, and wanted to just sit down the rest of the day. I had to go around by myself, because they were too tired.
We meet about once a year, because our schedules are too different. Even when we meet I cannot help but think we are just growing apart. We have so many different views on things. We recently went out to dinner and we were just having a good time when one of them mentioned a very delicate topic about another young woman. This woman had an intimate video of her released when she was a minor and they were making fun of her. I saw red. I didn’t shout at them or anything, but I reprimanded them for being vile and I told them if they were going to continue with this conversation, I was leaving. They always stick up for each other, so it always feels like I’m in the wrong, but this time I didn’t back down. They told me I was ruining the dinner, so I said it wouldn’t be ruined in the first place if they just acted like well raised adults. We all went home soon after that.
They’ve been acting like nothing happened and have been messaging me and still asking me to go to dinners with them, but I just don’t want to anymore. I can’t help feeling sad, because we’ve been friends for over a decade. They’re going to ask me to go with them again somewhere sometime in the future, and I don’t know how to tell them I don’t want to go with them without hurting their feelings. I’m not even sure if I still want to be friends. I know we’re all old enough to talk about this maturely, but these two are not very mature. When I mentioned that I was already going this year, they both said that it’s because I didn’t want to see them and I was choosing my other friends over them. I don’t know how to handle these two, because all my other friends act their age. My 14 year old sister is easier to reason with. What do I do?
Edit: paragraphs

My (F29) 2 friends (both F30) from university have created a group chat and are urging me to go to Japan with them, since tickets are cheap right now. I told them that I will be going twice this year already, so I will have to pass on going with them and they can just go together. I don’t want to go with them at all, because I went with them to a different prefecture in Japan 6 years ago and we had so many differences. They are always looking for the cheapest things and places regardless of where it is and what it is. I also had to plan everything and make the itinerary and buy tickets for everything. I was also the designated train expert. I’m okay with staying in cheap hotels as long as it’s in a good location and the bathroom is clean. I’m also okay with taking trains and walking instead of taking taxis, since the price difference is insane and I love walking anyways. What I’m not okay with is eating at 7/11s, family marts, or random restaurants that have 1 star reviews but are cheap. I know I sound crazy, but I love food. I love to eat. I especially love to eat when I’m on vacation. I’m not rich by any means, but I would rather save up and eat whatever I want and go to whatever attraction I want on vacation rather than go there and just stare at food and places I cannot afford. Eating while on vacation is one of the best experiences. Especially in Japan! When I went with them 6 years ago, I wanted to try this yakiniku restaurant, but they did not, since they found it to be expensive. It was about 30USD per person. I acquiesced since they both didn’t want to eat there. They chose this random restaurant with a more affordable menu. The food was about 10USD per dish. I just ate ice cream, because the food did not look appetizing at all and even they were having a hard time finishing it. The bill came and we were all shocked. There was a random door charge that was about $10 each person. I was pissed. They wanted to complain to the waitress, but how in the world were we going to complain when it was probably normal in that area. I just stayed quiet the rest of the night and told myself to just let it go. The next day came and we were in line at this famous tonkatsu restaurant. It was about $20 per meal and when we sat down they only ordered one croquette ($5) per person because they didn’t have want to order a $20 meal. The croquette wasn’t even that big so they were still hungry. My meal was a set and was refillable, so they just ate my rice and soup. It was honestly really embarrassing, because the waitress was staring at us and I just wanted to melt. I’m not dragging them to $100 per meal restaurants here. I completely understand that people have different budgets for different things, but I feel like this is too extreme. We also went to a theme park and instead of riding different rides, they got tired after 3, and wanted to just sit down the rest of the day. I had to go around by myself, because they were too tired. We meet about once a year, because our schedules are too different. Even when we meet I cannot help but think we are just growing apart. We have so many different views on things. We recently went out to dinner and we were just having a good time when one of them mentioned a very delicate topic about another young woman. This woman had an intimate video of her released when she was a minor and they were making fun of her. I saw red. I didn’t shout at them or anything, but I reprimanded them for being vile and I told them if they were going to continue with this conversation, I was leaving. They always stick up for each other, so it always feels like I’m in the wrong, but this time I didn’t back down. They told me I was ruining the dinner, so I said it wouldn’t be ruined in the first place if they just acted like well raised adults. We all went home soon after that. They’ve been acting like nothing happened and have been messaging me and still asking me to go to dinners with them, but I just don’t want to anymore. I can’t help feeling sad, because we’ve been friends for over a decade. They’re going to ask me to go with them again somewhere sometime in the future, and I don’t know how to tell them I don’t want to go with them without hurting their feelings. I’m not even sure if I still want to be friends. I know we’re all old enough to talk about this maturely, but these two are not very mature. When I mentioned that I was already going this year, they both said that it’s because I didn’t want to see them and I was choosing my other friends over them. I don’t know how to handle these two, because all my other friends act their age. My 14 year old sister is easier to reason with. What do I do?