Hello everybody!
This is my cautionary tale and potential advice!
As you are probably aware, women on the spectrum are more likely to have eating disorders. Moreover we are more likely to not get sufficient or direct instructions from our doctors regarding our medical care. Below is my story on how that hurt my health and wellbeing.
Since I was a child I was a picky eater, with limited food I would accept and not a big apetite. I was also a very thin person, could not put on any weight no matter what I tried. I remember first learning what anemia is when I was 9 or 10. I struggled with my blood for years after that, despite diets and supplements. At some point I accepted that this is just what my body is like and I will be forever underweight and anemic.
Suddenly in high school I learned I developed lactose intolerance. I was devastated because diary was one of my go-to foods and a main breakfast food (either cereal or cheese sandwitch/toast). It was near impossible at that time to find any lactose-free products where I live and so my diet had to drastically change. Overnight I stopped my usual breakfast and went lactose free. That alone was a big issue but then suddenly I developped unusual headaches, dizzyness and chills.
My parents (with a history of dismissal of my health concerns) thought I am pretending to skip school. Luckily I was over 16 and scheduled my own doctor visit behind their back. Before the visit [warning: gross] I had an unexpected toilet visit with green feces. I was surprised but put it down to eating something green and not noticing. Doctor sent me for blood tests and included iron levels knowing my anemia history and worrying I have dangerously low iron levels again. Surprise surprise, my iron levels were through the roof. Turns out you can poison yourself with iron supplements. Doctor was surprised, ordered me off of any iron supplements I was taking.
I only learned years later (in university course on farmacotherapy) that drinking milk with iron pills significantly decreses their effectivness. Suddenly it all made sense. It even explained why I got worse again once lactose-free products became available (but not as bad as before).
Since then I learned that there is a lot of different interactions with medication and food you consume around the time of taking your drugs. Make sure to check grapefruit interactions if you're on antyhistamines, xanax or others, and check for St. John's Wort if you're on antidepressants.
TL:DR I overdosed on iron supplements because I stopped drinking milk everyday.

Reddit Account: u/Thenn_Applicant
Discord Tag: Garin
Name and House: Dorian Merryweather
Age: 49
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: Dorian's chestnut brown hair has been greying for quite a while, however is short beard retains more color, including a few stray red hairs peppered throughout it. While his features have softened and gained some pudge as he aged past his prime, he remains in overall good shape. This is partly due to his great love of gardening and crop cultivation, which have left his hands and nails rather rough.
Trait: Numerate
Skills: Avaricious (e), Architect, Administrator, Investor
Talents: Language (High Valyrian) Cooking, Gardening
Negative Trait: N/A
Starting Title: Lord of Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Biography:
It has been said; men grow tired of sleep, love, singing and dancing, sooner than war. As such, it begs the question, what does a man have left when he finally tires of war? In pursuit of an answer, of any answer, one half of Dorian Merryweather’s life was spent. He was the second son of Lord Arthor Merryweather of Longtable. Like many others born in a place of natural abundance, he longed for more, for something greater than a mere provincial estate. The tourneys of Highgarden, the hunts of Horn Hill and the books of Oldtown all called to him, and so he could never ride past his father’s mild and verdant fields fast enough. Dorian counted himself lucky not to be the heir, for that meant he could pick where his future lay, unchained from the uninspiring home of his childhood. Instead it was his older brother, Bennard, who envied his free-flying lifestyle, contriving any excuse to join him on his escapades and agurk lessons and ceremonies he ought to have attended.
Lord Arthor was fairly permissive of this deriliction of duties, as the friendships forced on such journeys were worth more than lessons that could be repeated later, or tasks that could be handed off to lowborn stewards. The boys attended tourneys, balls, hunts and feasts, living the life the bards extolled as the height of reachman’s chivalry. The one time they did not shirk their duties was when their father had the honor of hosting King Mern and his court for a tourney on the Warrior’s day. The Merryweather sons would present the king and his family with silver bowls of dilligrout, a most exquisite stew of capons, white wine and almond milk. They had the joy of tasting it once the Gardeners had their fill, a taste they would never forget. On the tournament field three days later, Mern knighted them both, though Dorian was only sixteen at the time, green as a knight could ever be.
Five years later, as news of Aegon Targaryen and his early conquests spread, the lords of the Reach were summoned to Goldengrove, where they found a veritable forest of Westermen’s banners being planted beside their own. The fall of the Storm Kings had led to a whirlwind of diplomacy between the houses of Gardener and Lannister. The plan was presented to the lords with the two kings sitting beside one another on the dais as though they were brothers. They held up Aegon’s letter of demands, scornfully reading it aloud and then proceeded to tear it up to a roaring acclamation from the hall. Standing there before the hall, Mern could hardly be called the Warrior incarnate. There stood a man well past his prime, old enough to be a grandfather and with no great victories to his name, in battle or on the tourney field. All the same, this man, whom they called their king, always seemed to know exactly what to say to win someone over. If he’d declared war on hell itself that evening, the Merryweather brothers would probably still have marched off with him when the next morning dawned. Bennard and Dorian shouted as loud as anyone, death to the foreign upstart. That evening were betrothed to westerwomen they’d never met before, made plans for a real battle, which they had never fought in before, and drank, ate and sang as though the night would last forever. House Merryweather was not able to secure a command, yet King Mern remembered his stay at Longtable fondly. He gave Bennard and Dorian a place in the vanguard, and even adorned Bennard with a brooch of the order of the green hand the morning before the army Goldengrove, a momentous honor which Bennard would cherish for the remainder of his days. He did not have many left, as it turned out. The Field of Fire began like a dream, as the two brothers rode off at the break of dawn, two out of five thousand sets of gleaming armor atop proud warhorses. By the end of the day it had become a nightmare. Caught up in the maelstrom of battle, Dorian did not see the moment when their loss was assured, but the Gods know he could hear it, the creeping, hungry flames that descended on the reachmen like an army of its own. As hundreds were broiled inside their steel plate and thousands more choked on the inferno’s horrible vanguard of black smoke, Bennard and Dorian broke and fled. They were not far behind the retreating Loren Lannister in their escape, but half a minute made all the difference. The lines of fire fanned out, hunting more living things to devour, and engulfed the two brothers. Dorian could feel how the flames spread from his surcoat to his undershirt, all the way down to the hairs on his chest, beginning to sear his skin. In a desperate act he threw himself in the Blackwater, and would have perished if not for the shoddy work of his squire that morning, which left him able to tear off his plate before he could sink. With bloodied, burn-marked fingers, he clung to the roots of a tree by the riverside, water up to his chest. He was retrieved after some time, how long he could not say. For the next two moons his mind was adrift, distracted from his pains by milk of the poppy. The next two were far worse, as he grew more lucid and realized the extent of the damage. A burn-mark stretched from his right thigh, all the way up his chest and left bicep to the apple of his neck. Many times over, flakes of dead or dying skin had to be peeled off by the maester as the scabs kept bursting with blood and clear liquid. By the end of that year he was able to walk again, though the burn mark would leave a feverish red mark across the front of his body, his new skin settling into twisted lines.
Bennard was far worse for wear, alive yet burned all the way to his face and crippled from a fall off his horse. His nose and ear-lobes had to be cut off, too burned to save, and even his eyelids were permanently scarred, unable to sprout new lashes. The more lucid Bennard became, the deeper his sorrow. Eventually he began refusing food. The new lord of Longtable would not eat anything his cooks set in front of him. In spite of his ever present pains, Dorian began going to the kitchens, reprimanding the cooks for their failings. He knew his brother well and knew his palette, and began ordering them to make his brother’s favorites. When he felt they were making mistakes, he interrupted their work himself. He was a stranger to the kitchen, yet would criticize how things were cut too roughly, spiced too little or too much. He was a terror to the cooks, yet they could not refuse him.
His attempts to intervene were however hampered by a newfound aversion to heat. The sound of the hearth, of boiling and searing, the general sense of warmth around him made him nauseous and caused his movements to seize up. Still, he went to his brother’s bedside every day, and afterwards he forced himself back to the kitchens. His sister, Lydia, tried to stop him at first, but soon found her protes fell on deaf ears, and so joined him, if only to leash him in when he went too far. Finally, there was only one dish they hadn’t tried; the dilligrout they’d once served to the late King Mern. Every time it was made, it came out wrong. It soon turned out the cook who had served them that evening six years ago had since retired, and his exact method had never been recorded or taught to anyone else. Dorian would first invite the man to Longtable, then summon him with armed knights when invitations were refused.
Theomar, the man who appeared before him, was a sorry sight, looking frightened and confused as he was taken to his old workplace. It was explained by his sons that he’d been growing senile even six years ago, often snapping at the kitchen maids under him when his memory failed him. Since then he’d gotten worse, seldom eating, let alone cooking. Something in the old man’s eyes did seem to brighten for a moment when the sounds and smells of his old kitchen surrounded him, and Dorian ordered him to make dilligrout. Before long that faint spark had been drowned out by tears. He would start boiling capon or crushing almonds, only to leave the job half-done whenever he had to fetch something new. Serving maids were put at his disposal to bring him ingredients, yet an ingredient ordered would be met with a reprimand as he seemed to forget which dish he was making every few minutes. Finally Dorian snapped at the man, grabbing him by his collar and shouting accusations of treason against House Merryweather. By the time Lydia could restrain him and try to apologize, the man was a wreck on the floor. After watching it for a while, waiting for the man to get up and continue his work, even Dorian was overcome by pity and shame for what he’d done. The old cook was praying to the gods, begging forgiveness for his failings. Dorian began to realize he’d broken a great man down and would himself beg forgiveness. He offered the man his old cook’s quarters back for the rest of his life, and promised his sons that his maester would tend to the man in his old age, that he would be fed from Longtable’s stores.
At this point, he resolved to make the dilligrout himself. Through it all, Bennard was barely clinging to life, or rather being tethered to it by the will of others. He could only be fed when drugged down by the milk of the poppy, and the more often it was used, the less effective it became. Every day Dorian braved the kitchens, yet he could not recreate the flavor of that wonderful night. It was by the grace of the gods, perhaps with Theomar as their vessel, that Dorian would even come close. The old man could no longer cook, but over time he began to wander into the kitchens and sit down on a chair. At first Dorian thought the man only sought the warmth of the hearth for his weary bones, yet he discovered it to be more than that. Theomar’s eyes were like clouded glass, yet they brightened every now and then, hearing almonds being ground, smelling capons searing in fat, as though it was stirring the kitchenmaster of yore back to life. Eventually Dorian began to walk up to the old cook with his ingredients, bidding him to smell or taste small portions. Sometimes he got simple instructions out of it, ‘too coarse’, ‘too sour’, ‘underdone’. Som times a mere nod or frown was all Theomar managed. Over the course of a couple of days, Dorian put together one final attempt to get the dish made rightWhen he arrived in Bennard’s chamber, he was met with a look which brought forth discomfort that no flame could produce in Dorian. Plainly, raspingly, his brother asked him why he wouldn’t let him die. It was easy, Bennard reasoned. All Dorian needed to do was wait and become lord. The words almost made Dorian throw the dilligrout on the floor. Almost. He placed two bowls on Bennard’s table, the dilligrout and one brimming with milk of the poppy. Dorian told his brother to make his choice. If he sought death, Dorian would let him, but he would not hear that it was an easy thing, watching his brother die. That evening, the milk of the poppy was carried away by the maester, the empty bowl of stew taken to be washed in the kitchens. From then on, Bennard ate what his brother brought him without complaint. He lasted just into the new year, dying on its tenth day. In the predawn gloom of the twelfth, Theomar died in his sleep
Dorian took up his lordly task joylessly. His old wanderlust returned, spurred by the horrible memories that now stained Longtable and the reach itself in his mind. The final straw came when their new Tyrell overlords, insisted on him marrying a lady from a dornish house. His previous betrothal had fallen through, as the parents of his western bride had not wished to draw the ire of the Targaryens by maintaining an old alliance meant to oppose them. Instead of obliging, he boarded a ship from Oldtown going east. It stopped only briefly in Planky Town before going to Tyrosh. Noting him to be a nobleman, a few of the city’s wealthy men would host him for a while, though they quickly lost interest when his lack of knowledge of trade became apparent. After that, he spent time in the markets and squares where the common people lived. His old curiosity was piqued, and he decided to embark on a quest of learning, fashioning himself another Lomas Longstrider. He moved on to Myr, and the experience was much the same in broad strokes, a few rich men showed interest and quickly lost it. As he’d visited the dye markets he went to see the city’s famous artisans at work. One thing was notably different, he met a Tyroshi woman with green-dyed hair, going by the name Maryah. She was a trader, and the two had taken the same ship to Myr. She had been to Myr before and showed him many of its secrets. They spent an entire day in one of the vast delicacy markets so she could show him the many tastes of the city. Having no plans in advance, he asked where she was headed next.
Without a second thought he would join her on a journey to Lys. He soon understood it to be a test. It was not long before she teased him, speculating he’d only joined her for a chance to see the famous pleasure houses. Evening after evening they stayed in the city and Maryah would tease and test him over the matter. Finally he told her he’d renounce his betrothal for her, that there was no one else in his eye. She laughed, replying he would not have to. The next morning, Dorian awoke to find that she was already up, the green washed from her black curls. Maryah had in fact been Joanna Dayne, his dornish bride to be, having traveled the same route as him ever since his ship stopped at Planky Town to refill its food and water. She was already quite familiar with the three closest free cities, having served as a dornish envoy on behalf of its spice traders. As they planned their return to Westeros, Joanna asked him what else in the world he wanted to see. Within a few moons of being wed, they left Westeros, not to return for three years.The journey was what his mind needed, away from the Reach, its knights and tapestries, hunts and tourneys. Ultimately, the lords and knights of his homeland, for all their songs and poetry, lived every day in preparation for war, frivolous though the preparations were. Joanna showed him a different world, the remnants of Old Valyria. War was to be sure inescapable. Wherever they went, there were soldiers, tapestries, contests of arms, and yet the cities housed something else as well, a boundless potential for creation, commerce and growth.
Thanks to Joanna Dayne’s knowledge their stays became far better planned, and they could enjoy the hospitality of wealthy locals far longer. She knew how to talk about the spice trade and similar matters, and Dorian began to pick up on it. On their second stay in Myr, he procured a great deal of fine parchment and began taking notes, everything from negotiation tactics and the prices of cloves or red peppers to court customs, as well as more eclectic pieces of knowledge, details of running an eastern estate, descriptions of technological marvels he had never seen in Westeros, and ingredients in the local food. By the time they neared Qarth he had quite the list of recipes, among other things. There he was even able to learn a few all the way from Yi Ti, as some local cooks catered to merchants from the Golden Empire. On their journey home they’d end up taking the opportunity to see the newly made port of King’s Landing. By that time, a third member had joined their journey, their infant daughter Florys. Having left Longtable in the care of his sister and steward for three years, Dorian finally accepted the responsibility of running his ancestral home.
Longtable was considered to rule over some of the best lands in the Reach, ideally situated along the river with abundant soil which could provide two grain harvests in a year. Having seen the estates which supplied the great cities of the east, Dorian was all too aware of its comparative shortcomings. He found that the abundance of the land had a counterproductive effect, breeding complacency and carelessness. From his grandiose tour of the east, he went on a painstaking tour of his own lands, trying to get an overview of everything he ruled over. He paid the citadel a fee to send him half a dozen maesters in training for a season. These young men, literate and numerate, would serve his own maester in conducting a survey of the land, giving Dorian account of all resources at his disposal as lord. The results were quite varied.
Some peasants were found to have remarkable agricultural insights which they had no way of writing down, entirely reliant on passing the knowledge to their children. Knowing the risks of such a method of transferring knowledge, Dorian ordered such insights recorded. In other places there were farmers and communities who were unwittingly exhausting their soil. Instances of lack of fallow land, excessive grazing by cows and lack of crop rotation were also made note of, followed by edicts against such heedless practices. Septons, sheriffs and tax collectors were given written copies and were obliged to read them to the peasantry wherever it was deemed necessary. It also became part of the obligations of farmers to plant a set amount of clover in their fields and pastures, a practice some had taken up on their own but which had already become a standardized law among the estates belonging to Myr and Volantis. Irrigation was expanded and land inheritance was reformed to prevent the splitting of fields past a certain threshold.
Lord Dorian was not always successful. Some eastern ideas had been useful innovations which improved conditions across the board. In time he learned that the peculiarities of the westerosi system were sometimes necessary for the sake of stability, not merely the misshapen fruits of ignorance. His attempt to enclose part of the common lands proved abortive, as it nearly caused a peasant rebellion. A procession of aggrieved smallfolk headed for Longtable had to be dispersed by knights, armed with wooden clubs to prevent needless bloodshed.Two men were hanged and five sent to the wall, but the reform was thereafter abandoned, leading the populace to calm down. Dorian was not much of a military leader and had not wielded weapons since the Field of Fire. He became aware of his need to bolster his forces, a notion reinforced by the establishment of the Black Roses not long after his return, and again with the Kingswood Catastrophe
In the meantime, he and Joanna raised a family together. Three more daughters would be born healthy, with a couple of miscarriages and a stillbirth in between, also a daughter. Their travels did not entirely come to an end. In 13 AC they would tour the northern free cities of Norvos, Qohor, Pentos, Braavos and Lorath, which they had missed on their original journey. The lion’s share of 17 AC was spent on a journey to the Summer Islands. At other times they would make shorter journeys around the Seven Kingdoms, where they felt more secure in bringing their older children along. Whether it was visiting Joanna’s family in Dorne, tourneys and feasts in the Reach and West or even one trip to see the wall, a nameday wish by Florys, they were often on the move. Like most of their peers, they frequented Oldtown and Highgarden
The growing rift between the two queens and their children was a situation Dorian would watch with dread in his heart, remembering keenly how a generation of young men had been brought to the field of fire. To his mind, the Targaryen rule ought not go to waste. Like Valyria of old, it had begun with fire and blood, yet similarly peace and prosperity had followed in its wake. If only the dragons could stand united, perhaps another long peace like the one the Freehold once enjoyed could again be established. If not, another century of blood was upon them. Under Dorian, Longtable became a place where he sought to bring together people from across the kingdoms and forge unity over the dinner table, an attitude which somewhat vexed and confounded his more militaristic daughter and heiress, Lady Florys. Even amid her questioning of the viability of his peaceful ways when surrounded by those who would make war, a terrible sight would steel his resolve, watching the Mander burning green, every bit as terrible as the flames from twenty one years prior. That night he made a simple vow, never again.
The League of the Cornucopia, he would name his little group, a gallery of lords and ladies whose acquaintances he’d made over the years. With these fellow gourmets he would share the culinary knowledge he’d gleaned from his journeys in the east and west. Most unusual for a lord of his rank, Dorian came to spend a great deal of time in his kitchens, testing out recipes himself. On occasion, the dishes he served to his guests for these small, intimate gatherings would be the work of his own hands. The membership did vary from time to time, both based on who could make it and who he sought to bring together. Rather than a fully closed circle, the League is more like a form of feasting, only it’s done for a much smaller crowd, without the public spectacle. Such occasions allowed for more refined foods which did not need to be served to hundreds and kept constantly warm over the course of hours like some common tavern stew. It also opened up an arena of more intimate diplomacy and negotiation for those who sought it, hosted on neutral ground by a lordly mediator, free from prying eyes.
Timeline:
25BC: Dorian is born, second in line to Longtable
24BC: His sister Lydia is born
9BC: House Merryweather hosts House Gardener for a tourney and feast. Dorian and his older brother Bennard serve the dish of honor to King Mern Gardener and his family. During the subsequent tourney, Mern knights both boys, despite their inexperience and lack of victory in the tourney
9BC-2BC: Dorian spends much time travelling the reach, attending events
1BC: Dorian and Bennard fight in the vanguard at the Field of Fire. Both are burned, Bennard far more severely than Dorian. Lord Merryweather is killed. Traumatized by the battle and his new maimed body, Bennard starts refusing food. Dorian desperately tries to re-create the dish they served King Mern eight years ago. The cook who made it has since gone senile, but eventually manages to help Dorian re-create it. He is given a place at court as apology for his mistreatment at Dorian's hands before this occurred.
1AC: Lord Bennard dies at the beginning of the year, leaving Dorian as lord of Longtable. His sister Lydia fulfills her betrothal to House Tarly, becoming lady of Horn Hill. At the prospect of marrying a Dornishwoman on the King's orders, Dorian decides to leave Westeros to put off his marriage. In Myr, he meets a woman calling herself Maryah, claiming to be a Tyroshi merchant. They fall in love and travel to Lys together. There Dorian promises to set aside his betrothal for her, whereupon she reveals herself as Joanna Dayne, his dornish betrothed.
1AC-4AC: Dorian and Joanna wed at Longtable, then depart on a new journey of the east. They reach as far as Qarth before turning back home. In 3AC, on the way back, their first child, Florys, is born while the couple are in Volantis, on the way home. They return via the newly built port of King's Landing.
4AC-8AC: Using knowledge from the east, Lord Dorian embarks on a project of rationalizing the agriculture of Longtable
5AC: Dorian and Joanna have their second child, a girl named Ellyn
8AC: Their third daughter, Desmera, is born
13AC: Dorian and Joanna spend a year travelling the northern free cities
14AC: Their fourth and final daughter, Gwin, is born
17AC: Dorian and Joanna undertake a journey to the Summer Islands with their children
23AC: The aftermath of the battle of Stonebridge brings back memories of the Field of Fire, as the Merryweathers watch burning slag run down the Mander
25AC: The Merryweathers travel to the celebration of the maturity of Aegon's sons
Family Tree:
Arthor Merryweather (father, d.1BC)
Cerelle Merryweather (pending family connection) (mother, d.20AC)
Bennard Merryweather (brother, d.1AC)
Lydia Merryweather (sister, b.24BC)
Glendon Merryweather (uncle, d.1BC)
Myrcella Pommingham (aunt, d.22AC)
Leo Merryweather (cousin, b.13AC)
Joanna Dayne (wife, b.26AC)
Florys Merryweather (daughter, b.3AC)
Ellyn Merryweather (daughter, b.5AC)
Desmera Merryweather (daughter, b.8AC)
Gwin Merryweather (daughter, b.13AC)
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Auxiliary Character:
Name and House: Florys Merryweather
Age: 23
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: [A short, muscular woman with wavy black hair, normally worn in a bun. She has high cheekbones and a proud demeanor. Her rigid strength stands in contrast to the more relaxed nature of the Merryweather court, one she finds overly lax and casual](0_0.png (896×1344) (discordapp.com))
Trait: Hale
Skills: Swords (e), Essosi Blademaster
Talents: Dancing, Fishing, Cooking
Negative Traits: N/A
Starting Title: Heir to Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Timeline:
3AC: Florys is born in Volantis, while her parents are on their way home from Essos
10AC: Florys starts training under Saathos Trevelyan, her father's Master at Arms
13 AC: She joins her parents on a tour of Pentos, Braavos, Norvos and Qohor
17AC: She travels with her parents to the Summer Islands
19AC-23AC: As she comes of age, Florys becomes more critical of her father's desire for peace, viewing it as increasingly far-fetched amid the increasingly controversial regency and the impending succession dispute. She resolves to make the kinds of connections her father seems unwilling to, in case of war
25AC: She accompanies her family to the celebrations
NPCS:
Ser Leo Merryweather (Age: 37, Archetype: Magnate) Lord Merryweather's first cousin, he has become an indispensable agent in the daily running of Longtable. Despite his foppish demeanor and aparent laziness, he is highly capable and loyal in his task of increasing his family's fortune. He remains happily unwed
Saathos Tevelyan: (Age:48, Archetype: Master at Arms) The son of a Lysene father and a Myrish mother, Saathos initially sought a career in amongst Myr's military officers, however his family's relatively low status proved an impediment to further promotion, later compounded by a dispute with a superior. He met Lord Merryweather in 3AC and eventually travelled West to offer his services five years later, finding his career progress stonewalled in his home city. Well into middle age, he still looks firm and imposing as profesisonal a soldier ought to

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

This is just me venting so bear with me here.
I have a few work conferences coming up and I'm very nervous/unhappy with the idea of spending a couple nights away from my baby. He'll be 10 months old, and he's still exclusively breastfed (I pump while at work and he nurses 5 pm to 5 am). I'm also a first time mom and the type of mom that loves to be around her baby. I get that some moms like the time away every now and then, but I genuinely prefer spending time with him over anything else (working or being alone or being with other adults). FWIW I have nights out and I see friends, and I go in to work and whatnot, but if I had a choice, I wouldn't spend this much time away from him (working full time, traveling for conferences).
With the upcoming conferences I have been telling people how I'm nervous, not very excited about being away etc. and I have a child free friend and a family member that keep telling me it's "good for his attachment" for me not to be "always around" so I don't become a "helicopter mom". Wtf? First of all, I'm pretty damn sure it is not "good for his attachment". Second of all, while maybe they think they're being supportive, I think they are just projecting their own feelings on the matter, complelety ignoring what I'm saying, and it's just annoying.
Mind you, the family members sends her kid off for 3 months to spend time with their grandparents and she has all summer "child free". She was like oh I'd love that break if I were you! I'm like sure okay but I already told you I don't want that "break", plus what kind of a break is it when I have to managing pumping and storing milk (tbh I'm probably dumping it instead of stressing about freezing and transport) etc. Not to mention that my baby still wakes up 5-8 times at night to comfort nurse and this is going to be the first time we're separated. I feel like very very few people understand my situation (basically just two new mom friends that I have) and everyone else either wasn't a working mom, didn't breastfeed, or just doesn't at all feel like I do regarding their babies/young kids.
Anyway, rant over. I just wanted to vent without being mean to my friends/family lol.

Adopting a healthy eating lifestyle is a transformative journey that can lead to a more vibrant, energetic, and resilient life. This comprehensive article provides a roadmap for incorporating nutritious whole foods into a balanced diet. Readers will discover simple tips and delicious recipes to build a foundation for optimal nutrition and well-being.
In this guide, we'll explore the importance of healthy eating, the benefits of a balanced diet, and strategies for overcoming common obstacles. You'll learn how to create plant-based meals that are satisfying and nutrient-dense, as well as how to manage food allergies and intolerances. Additionally, we'll delve into the principles of clean eating and the role of weight management through mindful consumption.
Whether you're seeking to improve your energy levels, reduce your risk of chronic diseases, or simply cultivate a more vibrant, healthy lifestyle, this article will empower you to make sustainable changes that will positively impact your overall well-being.
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Key Takeaways

• Discover the importance of incorporating nutritious whole foods into a balanced diet.
• Learn strategies for building a balanced plate that promotes satiety and sustained energy.
• Explore the benefits of plant-based diets and the nutrient-dense properties of various whole food options.
• Understand the significance of mindful eating and portion control for achieving a healthy lifestyle.
• Gain insights into managing food allergies and intolerances through adaptable recipes and dietary adjustments.

Understanding the Importance of Healthy Eating

Maintaining a healthy eating lifestyle is crucial for overall well-being. A balanced diet rich in whole foods, plant-based options, and organic ingredients can provide a myriad of benefits that extend far beyond physical health. By embracing clean eating habits and adhering to dietary guidelines, individuals can experience enhanced energy levels, improved weight management, and a reduced risk of chronic diseases.
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Benefits of a Balanced Diet

A balanced diet that incorporates a variety of nutrient-dense foods can have a profound impact on an individual's health and wellness. Such a diet not only supports weight management but also contributes to better cardiovascular health, improved cognitive function, and a stronger immune system. Moreover, a plant-based approach to eating can help mitigate the risk of food allergies and intolerances, allowing individuals to enjoy a wider range of delicious and nutritious options.
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Overcoming Obstacles to Healthy Eating

Despite the numerous advantages of healthy eating, individuals often face various obstacles that can hinder their ability to adopt and maintain a balanced diet. Common challenges include time constraints, budget concerns, and a lack of knowledge about whole foods and clean eating principles. However, with the right strategies and resources, these barriers can be overcome. By planning meals, exploring affordable nutrient-rich options, and expanding their culinary skills, individuals can seamlessly integrate healthy eating habits into their daily lives.
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Benefits of a Balanced Diet	Overcoming Obstacles to Healthy Eating
Improved energy levels Better weight management Reduced risk of chronic diseases Enhanced mental clarity Mitigation of food allergies and intolerances	Time constraints Budget concerns Lack of knowledge about whole foods and clean eating Strategies for cost-effective meal planning Exploration of affordable nutrient-rich options

Building a Balanced Plate

Creating a well-rounded, nutritious meal is the foundation of a healthy eating lifestyle. When building a balanced plate, it's essential to focus on including protein-rich foods, fiber-filled vegetables and fruits, and whole grains to ensure your body receives a comprehensive array of essential nutrients.

Protein-Rich Foods for Satiety

Incorporating protein-rich foods into your meals can help promote a sense of fullness and satisfaction, preventing overeating and supporting your weight management goals. Opt for lean sources of protein such as chicken, fish, legumes, tofu, and eggs to create meals that are both nourishing and satisfying.

Fiber-Filled Vegetables and Fruits

Filling your plate with an abundance of fiber-rich vegetables and fruits is a key component of a balanced diet. These plant-based foods are loaded with essential vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants that support overall health and well-being. Aim to include a variety of colorful produce, such as leafy greens, bell peppers, berries, and citrus fruits, to ensure you're getting a diverse range of nutrients.
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Whole Grains for Sustained Energy

Incorporating whole grains into your meals can provide a steady stream of energy throughout the day, helping to prevent mid-afternoon slumps. Opt for whole wheat bread, brown rice, quinoa, and oats to reap the benefits of complex carbohydrates, fiber, and other essential nutrients that support your overall nutrition and clean eating habits.

Healthy Eating: Tips and Strategies

Incorporating healthy eating into your daily routine doesn't have to be an overwhelming task. By embracing practical tips and strategies, you can seamlessly integrate nutritious whole foods into your lifestyle and reap the numerous benefits of a balanced diet. This section delves into the key elements of successful healthy eating, empowering you to make sustainable changes for a healthier, more vibrant life.

Meal Planning and Preparation

Planning and preparing your meals in advance is a game-changer when it comes to healthy eating. By dedicating a bit of time each week to menu planning, grocery shopping, and meal prepping, you can ensure that nutritious, whole foods are readily available, reducing the temptation to reach for less healthy options. Experiment with plant-based recipes and organic ingredients to create balanced, flavorful meals that nourish your body and satisfy your taste buds.

Reading Food Labels

Navigating the aisles of the grocery store can be a daunting task, especially when it comes to identifying healthy, minimally processed foods. Develop the habit of carefully reading food labels to make informed choices. Look for products with a short list of recognizable, whole food ingredients and minimal added sugars, sodium, and unhealthy fats. By becoming a savvy label reader, you can easily spot clean eating options that align with your dietary goals and nutrition needs.
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Healthy Eating Tip	Benefit
Meal Planning and Preparation	Ensures the availability of nutritious, whole foods, reducing the temptation for less healthy options.
Reading Food Labels	dietary guidelinesweight managementHelps you identify clean, minimally processed food choices that support your and goals.

Incorporating Whole, Plant-Based Foods

Embracing a diet rich in whole, plant-based foods is a cornerstone of a healthy eating lifestyle. These nutrient-dense options not only provide essential vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants, but they also offer a wealth of benefits for overall well-being.

Benefits of Plant-Based Diets

Research has consistently shown that plant-based diets can have a positive impact on heart health, weight management, and environmental sustainability. By focusing on a variety of whole, plant-based foods such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes, nuts, and seeds, individuals can lower their risk of chronic diseases, achieve a healthier weight, and reduce their carbon footprint.
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Nutrient-Dense Whole Foods

Whole, plant-based foods are packed with essential nutrients that support a balanced diet. From fiber-rich leafy greens to antioxidant-dense berries, these nutrient-dense options provide the body with the necessary building blocks for optimal health. By incorporating a diverse array of whole foods into their meals, individuals can ensure they are meeting their nutritional needs while enjoying the flavors and textures of a clean eating lifestyle.

Nutrient-Dense Whole Foods	Key Nutrients	Health Benefits
Leafy Greens (Spinach, Kale, Arugula)	Vitamins A, C, K, Folate, Calcium, Iron	Promote eye health, support a healthy immune system, and aid in maintaining strong bones.
Berries (Blueberries, Raspberries, Strawberries)	Antioxidants, Vitamin C, Fiber	Help fight inflammation, improve brain function, and support a healthy heart.
Whole Grains (Brown Rice, Quinoa, Oats)	Complex Carbohydrates, Fiber, B Vitamins	balanced dietProvide sustained energy, promote digestive health, and contribute to a .
Legumes (Lentils, Chickpeas, Black Beans)	Protein, Fiber, Iron, Folate	managing food allergiesSupport weight management, aid in , and help maintain stable blood sugar levels.

By embracing the versatility and nutrient density of whole, plant-based foods, individuals can create healthy eating habits that nourish the body and support long-term well-being.

Mindful Eating and Portion Control

Achieving a balanced lifestyle encompasses more than just the foods we consume. It also involves cultivating a mindful approach to our eating habits. Mindful eating encourages us to become more aware of hunger cues, savor each bite, and practice moderation to prevent overeating. By fostering this mindful relationship with our meals, we can develop a healthier and more sustainable relationship with food.
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One of the key strategies for mindful eating is to slow down and be present during mealtimes. Rather than rushing through our meals or multitasking while we eat, we should take the time to appreciate the flavors, textures, and aromas of our food. This heightened awareness not only enhances the enjoyment of our meals but also allows us to better recognize when we have reached a state of fullness, preventing us from consuming more than our bodies need.
Portion control is another essential aspect of mindful eating and healthy living. Overeating, even of nutritious whole foods, can lead to weight gain and other health concerns. By being mindful of our portion sizes and focusing on balanced plates that incorporate a variety of plant-based foods, lean proteins, and whole grains, we can ensure that our bodies receive the necessary nutrients without consuming excessive calories.
Implementing practical strategies, such as using smaller plates, eating slowly, and listening to internal hunger and fullness cues, can help us cultivate a more mindful approach to eating. This, in turn, can lead to sustainable weight management, improved digestion, and a greater sense of overall well-being.
By embracing mindful eating and portion control, we can unlock the full benefits of a healthy, balanced lifestyle. This holistic approach to food consumption not only nourishes our bodies but also fosters a deeper appreciation for the joy and satisfaction that can be found in every bite.
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Managing Food Allergies and Intolerances

Navigating a healthy eating lifestyle can pose unique challenges for individuals with food allergies or intolerances. However, with the right strategies and a little creativity, it is possible to enjoy a balanced diet while effectively managing these dietary restrictions.

Identifying Allergens and Triggers

The first step in managing food allergies and intolerances is to identify the specific ingredients or foods that trigger adverse reactions. Common allergens include gluten, dairy, nuts, soy, and shellfish, while intolerances may be linked to lactose, fructose, or histamine. By being mindful of these triggers, individuals can make informed choices when selecting and preparing meals.

Adapting Recipes for Special Diets

Adapting recipes to accommodate food allergies or intolerances is essential for maintaining a balanced, plant-based diet. This may involve substituting whole food, organic ingredients for traditional allergens or using specialized alternatives, such as gluten-free flours or non-dairy milk. By experimenting with ingredient swaps and exploring clean eating techniques, individuals can discover a world of delicious and nutritious meal options that align with their dietary needs.
Through a thoughtful and proactive approach, individuals with food allergies or intolerances can navigate the complexities of healthy eating and enjoy a wide variety of whole foods while maintaining their overall well-being.
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Clean Eating: Minimizing Processed Foods

In the pursuit of a healthy eating lifestyle, one crucial aspect to consider is the minimization of processed and packaged foods. The clean eating movement emphasizes the importance of consuming whole, minimally processed ingredients to maximize the nutritional value of our meals.

Recognizing Unhealthy Additives

When it comes to clean eating, it's essential to be aware of the common additives and preservatives found in many processed foods. These can include artificial colorings, flavors, and sweeteners, as well as preservatives like sodium nitrite and trans fats. By learning to identify these unhealthy additives, you can make more informed choices and avoid products that may compromise your balanced diet.

Organic and Local Food Options

Incorporating organic and locally sourced whole foods into your healthy eating routine can have numerous benefits. Organic produce and products are typically free from synthetic pesticides and hormones, and they often contain a higher concentration of nutrient-dense compounds. Additionally, supporting local farmers and producers not only reduces your carbon footprint but also provides access to fresh, seasonal offerings that are rich in plant-based goodness.
By prioritizing clean eating and minimizing the consumption of processed foods, you can unlock a world of whole, natural ingredients that nourish your body and support your overall weight management and wellness goals. Embrace the simplicity and vibrant flavors of clean, whole-food eating for a balanced, healthy lifestyle.
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Weight Management Through Healthy Eating

Achieving and maintaining a healthy weight is an integral part of a balanced healthy eating lifestyle. By understanding the principles of calorie density and macronutrient balance, individuals can make informed choices to support their weight management goals.

Calorie Density and Satiety

The concept of calorie density refers to the number of calories per gram of a particular food. Whole, plant-based foods such as fruits, vegetables, and whole grains tend to have a lower calorie density, meaning you can consume a larger volume of these foods without exceeding your daily calorie needs. This can lead to a greater sense of satiety, or feeling full and satisfied, which can support sustainable weight management.

Balancing Macronutrients

In addition to considering calorie density, it's important to focus on balancing the three macronutrients: protein, carbohydrates, and fats. Each macronutrient plays a crucial role in maintaining healthy eating habits and supporting weight management. By incorporating a mix of lean proteins, complex carbohydrates, and healthy fats into your meals and snacks, you can help regulate your appetite, stabilize blood sugar levels, and fuel your body with the necessary nutrients for overall well-being.
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Healthy Eating on a Budget

Maintaining a healthy eating lifestyle doesn't have to break the bank. With strategic planning and savvy shopping, it's entirely possible to enjoy a balanced, nutrient-rich diet while staying within your budget. In this section, we'll explore cost-effective meal planning strategies and highlight affordable whole food options to help you achieve your healthy eating goals without straining your finances.

Cost-Effective Meal Planning

One of the keys to healthy eating on a budget is mastering the art of meal planning. By taking the time to plan your meals and create a grocery list, you can avoid impulse purchases and make the most of your food budget. Start by identifying affordable, nutrient-dense ingredients that can be incorporated into a variety of recipes. Batch cooking and freezing portions can also help you maximize your time and money, ensuring you always have healthy options on hand.
Another practical tip is to embrace the versatility of plant-based whole foods. Beans, lentils, and whole grains are not only budget-friendly, but they also provide a wealth of essential nutrients, fiber, and complex carbohydrates to keep you feeling full and energized. By making these nutrient-dense foods the foundation of your meals, you can stretch your grocery budget while nourishing your body.
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Affordable Nutrient-Rich Foods

When it comes to healthy eating on a budget, there are numerous nutrient-rich foods that won't break the bank. Some of the most affordable and nutritious options include:

• Frozen vegetables and fruits: These nutrient-packed options are often more affordable than their fresh counterparts, and they have an extended shelf life, reducing food waste.
• Eggs: A versatile and protein-rich ingredient, eggs are an excellent source of nutrients and a cost-effective addition to any meal.
• Canned fish: Canned tuna, salmon, and sardines are budget-friendly sources of lean protein and healthy omega-3 fatty acids.
• Oats: A whole grain powerhouse, oats are inexpensive, filling, and can be used in a variety of dishes, from breakfast to baked goods.
• Legumes: Beans, lentils, and chickpeas are nutrient-dense, fiber-rich, and incredibly affordable, making them a staple in any healthy eating plan.

By incorporating these affordable, nutrient-rich foods into your meal planning, you can enjoy a balanced, healthy diet without breaking the bank.

Affordable Whole Food	Nutritional Benefits	Average Cost per Serving
Frozen Broccoli	High in fiber, vitamins C and K, and antioxidants	$0.50 per serving
Eggs	Excellent source of protein, vitamin D, and choline	$0.25 per egg
Canned Tuna	Rich in lean protein and omega-3 fatty acids	$1.00 per 2-ounce serving
Rolled Oats	High in fiber, complex carbohydrates, and B vitamins	$0.10 per 1/2 cup serving
Lentils	Packed with protein, fiber, and essential minerals	$0.20 per 1/2 cup serving

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By incorporating these affordable, nutrient-rich whole foods into your healthy eating plan, you can enjoy a balanced diet without straining your budget. With a little creativity and strategic planning, maintaining a healthy lifestyle on a budget is entirely achievable.

Conclusion

As we conclude this comprehensive guide on healthy eating, it's clear that embracing a balanced diet filled with nutritious whole foods, plant-based ingredients, and organic options can have a profound impact on our overall well-being. By understanding the importance of healthy eating, learning to build a balanced plate, and incorporating mindful eating strategies, readers are now empowered to embark on a transformative journey towards a healthier, more vibrant life.
Whether you're seeking to manage food allergies, reduce your intake of processed foods, or achieve your weight management goals, this article has provided a comprehensive roadmap filled with practical tips and strategies to overcome common obstacles and make sustainable changes. By prioritizing clean eating and embracing the wide variety of nutrient-dense whole foods available, you can nourish your body and mind, ultimately leading to improved energy levels, reduced disease risk, and a heightened sense of overall vitality.
Remember, the journey to healthy eating is not a one-size-fits-all approach. It's about finding the right balance and incorporating the strategies that work best for your individual needs and preferences. With dedication, creativity, and a willingness to experiment, you can cultivate a nutritious, affordable, and enjoyable eating lifestyle that serves as the foundation for a healthier, more fulfilling tomorrow. Embrace the power of healthy eating and embark on a path towards a more vibrant, resilient, and joyful existence.

FAQ

What are the benefits of a balanced diet?

A balanced diet offers numerous benefits, including improved energy levels, better weight management, reduced risk of chronic diseases, and enhanced mental clarity.

How can I overcome obstacles to healthy eating?

Common obstacles to healthy eating, such as time constraints, budget concerns, and lack of knowledge, can be overcome through effective meal planning, learning to read food labels, and exploring affordable nutrient-rich options.

What are the key components of a balanced plate?

A balanced plate should include protein-rich foods for satiety, fiber-filled vegetables and fruits, and whole grains for sustained energy.

How can I incorporate more whole, plant-based foods into my diet?

Incorporating more whole, plant-based foods into your diet can provide numerous benefits, including improved heart health, better weight management, and greater environmental sustainability.

How can I practice mindful eating and portion control?

Practicing mindful eating, which involves becoming more aware of hunger cues and savoring each bite, can help you achieve portion control and develop a healthier relationship with food.

How can I manage food allergies and intolerances while following a healthy eating plan?

Identifying common allergens and triggers, as well as adapting recipes to accommodate special dietary needs, can help you manage food allergies and intolerances while still enjoying a variety of delicious and nutritious meals.

What are the benefits of choosing organic and locally sourced foods?

Organic and locally sourced foods often have a superior nutritional profile and a reduced environmental impact compared to processed and conventionally grown options.

How can I achieve weight management through healthy eating?

Understanding the concept of calorie density and the importance of balancing macronutrients (protein, carbohydrates, and fats) can support sustainable weight loss or maintenance through a healthy eating lifestyle.

How can I maintain a healthy eating plan on a budget?

Cost-effective meal planning and incorporating affordable nutrient-rich food options can help you enjoy a balanced diet without breaking the bank.
Sign up Here for 32 FREE Healthy Meal Plans With Low Calories and High Protein!

So my binges have mostly always been on desserts and sugary foods. Ever since I was little, I’ve constantly had this insatiable craving for desserts or just anything sweet, and I've never been able to satisfy it no matter how much I ate. I’ve tried cutting sugar out completely, but no matter how long I go without it, I'm always led right back to bingeing on it. It gets so bad that I’ll eat huge spoonfuls of straight sugar until I’m throwing up if there’s nothing else, or I’ll bake huge 3 layer cakes just to eat the entire thing (and the raw batter while i'm making it) in 5 minutes. I’ve also never been able to have sweets in moderation. I can’t just eat two cookies or one serving of ice cream. I want the whole pint or the whole package of cookies. Back in 2020, I started restricting calories and cutting out sugar, and I lost 60 pounds, but for the past year, I've relapsed in my BED, and I’ve been binging on anywhere from 3,000 to 5,000 calories worth of sweets every couple of days, causing me to gain it all back. Today there were no more actual desserts in my house, so out of desperation, I resorted to mixing unsweetened cocoa powder, sugar-free syrup, and a bit of milk together to make a sort of frosting, I guess, and it was sweet enough to actually (for the first time in my life) satisfy my intense need for sugar, but it’s so rich that I was only able to eat about 5 spoonfuls before I got so incredibly sick and had to put it away for later and right now even the thought of eating is sickening to me. Anyone who knows about my ED knows I could eat an entire gallon of ice cream in 10 minutes and still need more. (This is not an exaggeration. Just last night, I ate 3 full gallons of cookies and cream ice cream and was still trying to doordash more, but all the stores were closed which is the only thing that stopped me), so this is the first time in my life that I’ve been able to genuinely stop eating and not want anymore. I’ve never been satisfied like this before in my life, and honestly, I am so happy right now that I finally found (A solution I guess?) to my sugar binging. I mean, I’ve been trying to get back to losing weight again for the past couple of months, but it’s been impossible due to my sugar binges, and this just changed everything for me. Not only is it satisfying but it's so low in calories (only like 150 I think). So I just wanted to put this out there for anyone else to try in hopes that maybe it’ll help someone else because nothing else has worked for me. I’ve tried almost every piece of advice online and on Reddit, and nothing has done it for me except for this simple thing, which sounds insane, but if anyone else struggles with binging sugar and never being satisfied no matter how much they eat, give it a try!

I'm pretty sure I'm going to be dead in the next 24 hours.
Whether that's the Costella family, or whatever this is, I'm not sure.
The police are taking forever, and part of me knows they're either refusing to believe me, or RC got them too.
I'm holed up on our school bus, so I've got nothing better to do.
I want to tell you about my team.
We met in our sophomore year.
Strangers standing outside the club room.
Levi was the freckled brunette who wouldn't stop talking about Game of Thrones.
Sunny, a pretty redhead, told him to shut up.
Tom, a sandy blonde, nodding his head to music corked in his ears.
I just wanted to be part of a club, and get away from my overbearing mother.
I won't say it was a perfect start. Our school was lacking in funding, so anyone could join, which made us more of a Quiz Club. I had some serious anxiety, so I stayed on the sidelines for a while, watching, rather than taking part.
It's not like we actually talked to each other initially. The first few weeks, we played Jeopardy, and attempted to find more members to cement us as an official Academic Decathlon club.
Unfortunately, though, it was just the four of us.
Which made it extremely hard for us to be taken seriously.
According to Google, Academic Decathlon teams were made up of nine members, placed by their GPA.
Our principal laughed at us, but he did let us become official.
Which was out of pity, I assumed.
The club was assembled, and we started meeting up after school.
Sort of.
Sunny barely showed up, and Levi didn't take anything seriously, preferring to spend the time telling us about his weird family turf-war.
Our principal dumped us in a tiny classroom with a resident rat living under the floorboards.
There was barely enough room to move, and the four of us crammed together for three hours was less than appealing.
Still, though, I wanted to be part of a club.
I had grown up with parents who were obsessed with board games, so I was pretty good at general knowledge questions. Our club room was too small for anything else but three desks (Sunny and I shared one) and a whiteboard we had to shove through the door.
But, again, we didn't start as an Academic club.
It was more akin to Story Time Club.
Arriving late on my third day, armed with quiz cards from home, I found Tom and Sunny completely mesmerised by Levi’s storytelling skills, drowned in shadow.
They didn't even turn the lights on.
I strictly remember squeezing next to Sunny, and hearing the words, “But there was so much blood all over the floor, and my Mom told me to go upstairs and hide under the bed…”
Sitting in front of them was Levi, perched on a desk, his legs swinging, a whiteboard marker between his teeth.
Sometimes he'd get up, and illustrate parts of his story.
It sucked that his drawings were all stick people.
I won't go into full details of his life, but Levi grew up as part of a family who had… interesting methods of making a living. I had seen the guy’s father multiple times when we hung out at his place, and, yeah, my friend’s family definitely had Soprano vibes.
Levi’s Draw My Life was nothing to do with the club, but it did bring us closer.
Even if, at that point, I was considering leaving.
But it's not like it was easy to walk away from these guys. It's like finding your soulmates. Levi wasn't the only one with an interesting life. Sunny Lang was an ex kpop trainee, who was kicked out for being too fat, which led her to develop a severe eating disorder, and a hatred for her own body.
Sunny explained her family were originally from Boston, her mother growing up in Korea.
She signed up for an idol agency focusing on creating a new girl group, and had gotten all the way to the final stages, before being kicked for her weight. Sunny told us her story with a smile, though there was a hollowness in her eyes I couldn't ignore. The other girls were judgemental bullies, and the idol diet and brutal regime almost killed her.
Sunny lived in a tiny apartment with 9 girls, who would tear each other apart for a chance to debut. Sunny said all the other girls debuted, and when we (not so patiently) asked for names, she shrugged, admitting she signed an NDA that prevented her spilling the beans.
What she did say, was the K-pop idol is a product, not a person– and are made and moulded into a product.
She had zero interest in throwing her humanity away to become a manufactured doll.
So, one of us was the son of an underground family, and the other was an ex idol.
Tom was an aspiring horror writer with a famous older step-brother.
His story times were usually, That one time I went to the Met Gala.
When it was my turn to reveal my story, I told them the only interesting thing about me.
I could smell when something bad was going to happen.
They laughed, but I was being serious.
When I was a kid, I smelled my mother’s brain tumor.
I remember it smelled like curdled milk.
I asked Mom why her head smelled of mouldy milk, and Mom laughed and said it was her shampoo.
It was actually a grade two tumor growing inside her brain.
Thankfully, the tumour was found quickly and removed.
Growing older, I became sensitive to smell. The little girl choking on the bus smelled of singed wood, and the old man crossing the road stunk of gasoline.
In the fourth grade, my classmate Alex Castor smelled of lemons all morning.
I sat behind him, choking on the stink all the way through class.
Ever since I met him, Alex had always smelled… off.
It was a distinct smell I could never understand, and as the days and months and years went by, that smell morphed into a subtle orangey musk that was so strong I had to cover my mouth and nose. Then, he smelled like lemons.
During Recess, I watched Alex fall off of the jungle gym, straight onto his head.
Alex Castor was dead before the paramedics arrived, my panicked teacher attempting CPR when his brains were leaking out of his ears.
The school claimed it was an accident, but Alex would have been fine if the jungle gym wasn't built on solid concrete.
I told my team members this, and Levi was sceptical.
“You can smell bad things?” He said, his lips curved around his milkshake straw. In the early days, we hung out in the local bar. It's not like we were allowed inside, but Levi could get us in anywhere.
I was squeezed between Tom and Sunny, while Levi took the seat opposite us. I couldn't help noticing our waitress was insisting on free milkshake refills, her frantic eyes glued to Levi.
I had zero idea why. Levi Costella was about as intimidating as a fruit fly.
Wearing a white shirt with a popped collar, a leather jacket thrown over the top, Levi was giving rebellious Harvard student, rather than son of a crime family.
Leaning forward, he raised a brow, clearly not believing me.
“So, you're like a stink psychic?”
I shrugged, sipping my own shake.
“Sure.”
I wasn't planning on telling him the club room smelled off on our first day.
Once we actually started the club, Levi surprised us as the smartest member, and getting to know him further, I came to the realization his family were infamous in our town.
However, his parents hid it well. Lucy and Michael Costella were the owners of a popular ramen store in our town, hiding under the facade of two successful business owners. The Costella’s were an attractive family.
Lucy was a sophisticated brunette with a lipstick smile, Michael, a handsome fluffy haired man who looked like he modelled glasses.
The two were fiercely protective over their youngest son, not so casually reminding us behind grinning smiles, that if anything happened to Levi, we would automatically be involved in the family.
I mean, they did laugh and say, “We’re joking! Look at your little faces!” when Sunny went deathly pale. But there was definitely truth behind their words.
Being Levi’s friend was… challenging at first.
Tom and I were in his room studying for finals, and an alarm went off, flooding Levi’s room in red light.
I had zero idea where it was coming from, but it locked all the doors and windows, forcing the Costella residence into temporary lockdown. Levi didn't seem fazed, casually mentioning his parents were taking care of it.
He had a whiteboard set up in his room, and was standing in front of it, cramming all of our textbook notes into one easily digestible drawing.
Levi wasn't just smart.
He was Ivy League smart, so we had struck gold with him.
His family were questionable, and yes, sometimes I did fear for my life, but as the more time we spent at his house, the Costella household became a second home. We got used to the alarms.
I just brought along ear plugs.
I wish I was writing this post about Levi’s family, and sure, they are a factor in what is going on right now, but I want to preface this by saying the events below involve the 2024 scholastic decathlon final in our town with the school’s listed:
Starbrook High School.
Ratcliffe High School.
Please note, the incident that took place last night was immediately covered up, and all phone footage was destroyed. Our town is mostly out of the way, and does not show up on Google searches.
We also have our own version of the academic decathlon, which is a more town-level competition, due to lacking funds. The four of us were desperate to start competing with our schools.
So, we started taking things a little more seriously.
We got a coach.
Mr Hanes, who was hesitant at first.
In his words, “You will hate me as your coach.”
He started by recruiting more members, announcing, “If you want to be taken seriously as an actual club, then I'll be taking the reins from now on.”
He did, and with our teachers guidance (and sometimes brutal honesty), we reached a level where we could start competing with other school’s in town. Now, none of us knew this, but Mr Hanes was obsessed with winning.
So, club meetings were twisted into two hour study sessions with no talking, followed by Mr Hanes Jeaprody, which was Jeaprody, without the actual fun.
We were quizzed multiple times, answer cards and practise questions quite literally thrown directly in our faces.
I hate to admit this (I really hate to admit this) but Mr Hanes’s tactics worked. Sure, we had been mildly brainwashed by our slightly unhinged coach, but with Levi Costella, we destroyed our competitors. Like I said, our town held their own version of the academic scholastic decathlon, but it was pretty much the same, with some changes.
Ten subjects. Language and Literature, Math, Social Science, Economics, Art, Music, Interview, Speech, and Essay.
Unlike the official Decathlon, ours was more like a game show, with the ability to be knocked out if a team member answers a question wrong. Whoever answers the most questions correctly wins. Team meet ups were either tests, study sessions, or quizzing each other.
Which leads me to last night.
The finals were held in the reigning champions, Ratcliffe High School’s, auditorium.
And we were about to win our town’s Scholastic Decathlon 2024 Championships.
Well…I was knocked out in the music section. Standing next to my coach who I was sure was going to asphyxiate from excitement, I could smell the sudden potent stink of lemon. I tried to ignore it at first, but the more questions my team were answering correctly, the smell got worse, suffocating my senses.
This wasn't just lemon. The stink was like a burning, singing smell trickling into my nose and the back of my throat.
It was stronger than what Alex smelled like.
This was suffocating, drowning my thoughts.
“Are you okay, Cassandra?”
Mr Hanes nudged me when a Ratcliffe girl was struggling to answer a question, only for Sunny to jump in with the answer. “You look quite pale.”
I nodded, forcing a smile.
My gaze was on the Ratcliffe coach, a scary looking blonde woman, whispering in one of her student’s ears.
The Ratcliffe kid freaked me out. He was way too tall, dark blonde hair, and bulging eyes I swear were not blinking.
His gaze was glued to Levi, who wore a smug grin.
There was a smaller girl next to the Ratcliffe kid, a Macbook balanced on her knee. Every so often, he leaned into her, the two of them in deep conversation.
“I'm just nervous.”
I jumped when Ratcliffe scored a point, their side erupting into cheers.
During the break, we had a mini team meeting.
Sunny rushed to the bathroom to freshen up, and I noticed a Ratcliffe girl with a bouncing ponytail following her.
Ignoring our coach’s speech, I joined the two girls in the corridor, that lemony scent hanging thick in the air.
I caught them in an awkward position.
The Ratcliffe girl had her fingers pinched between the material of Sunny’s dark blue shirt bearing our school’s name.
Sunny looked confused, her lips parted like she was going to yell.
Ponytail dropped her hand, suddenly, with a nervous laugh. “Oh! I'm so, so, sorry,” she gushed. “You had, like, the biggest spider crawling on your back.”
Sunny caught my eye, shooting me a reassuring smile.
“Thanks.” She made sure to keep her distance. “Uh, where's your bathroom?”
The Ratcliffe girl nodded down the hallway. “It's just down there. I'm going there too if you want me to show you?”
Sunny motioned for me to go back to the auditorium. “Uh, sure! That'd be great!”
I did try to follow them, only for Sunny to cough loudly.
I took the hint, reluctantly heading back into the auditorium.
My team was hyping each other up, Levi in the centre, sweating through his team shirt. He ran a trembling hand through his hair. “I can't do this,” He groaned. “Ratcliffe High is known to play dirty, man. They're unbeatable.”
“In what way do they play dirty?” I asked, joining them.
Levi gulped down water, shrugging.
“I dunno! They're already trying to distract me with the stink eye.” The boy narrowed his eyes at a grinning Ratcliffe kid who, after noticing our stares, jumped to his feet, waving at us.
“Hey guys!”
“That's Harry Cartwright, the son of the Cartwright family who tried to kill my parents in the third grade.” Levi mockingly waved back. “As you can see, their kid is a fucking sociopath.”
Huh. I wasn't expecting the smiley kid to be the mobster’s son.
Harry Cartwright was not what I expected.
Unlike his team members, he was the only one in casual clothing, a short sleeved white shirt and jeans, a pair of sunglasses perched on top of his head.
Tom went pale.
“Fuck.” He hissed. “He’s one of you? Then those bastards will have a reason to play dirty, right?”
Levi shrugged, averting his gaze. It was the first time I saw his eyes darken, like he was subtly telling the boy to back off.
“The Cartwright’s have been trying to buy our land for a while,” he muttered. “I wouldn't put it past them to use the Decathlon as a way to attack.”
“Attack?!” April, another member of our team, hissed. “Like, attack attack?”
Mr Hanes grabbed the boy, resting his hands on Levi’s shoulders. “Ignore them,” he said. “Hey. Look at me.”
Levi did, raising a brow.
“You're losing that spark in your eye, young man.”
“Spark?”
Our coach nodded. “Look at me, kid.”
Levi rolled his eyes. “I am looking at you, Mr Hanes.”
The man was shaking. I was guessing his whole career (or coaching career) was on the line.
“They know they're losing, Mr Costella.”
Hanes shook the boy, squeezing his shoulders. “You are being positive and Ratcliffe doesn't like that. They want you to be nervous. They want to make you second guess yourself and lose confidence. Don't let them get into your head.” he smiled, giving the boy a playful shove. “Kick their asses.”
“Exactly!”
I didn't realize Sunny was back from the bathroom.
The faint smell of lemons had followed her. I noticed a wet patch on her shirt collar, though she was quick to smile at me, admitting she'd spilled water down herself. Sunny wrapped her arms around Levi, squeezing him into a hug.
She hung on for a little too long, Tom dragging her away with a laugh. “Good luck, all right?” she backed away, ruffling his hair. “We’ve got this!”
When I hugged Levi good luck too, I had to resist covering my nose.
The smell of lemon was unbearable, just like fourth grade Alex.
But it wasn't as potent as earlier.
I vaguely remembered the smell starting to fade once Alex’s body was being carted away on a stretcher.
Following my captain through the crowd, I was right. The smell was less suffocating. Before he went back to the stage, I grabbed the back of his shirt.
The material was soaking wet.
“How are you so wet?” I said, swiping my hands on my shirt.
“Huh?”
I shook my head. “Never mind. Do you remember what I told you in sophomore year?”
Levi settled me with a confident, but nervous smile. “Thaaaat you're scared of clowns?”
“No. I mean the boy who smelled of lemons.” I gritted out.
Levi surprised me with a laugh. “What are you talking about?”
Something ice cold trickled down my spine.
Levi did know what I was talking about. He brought up my stink sense a day earlier in front of his parents, and I had to cover his mouth to shut him up.
Leaning close, I whispered in his ear. “You stink of rotten lemons.”
He nodded slowly, pulling away. “Uh… thanks?”
I bit back a hiss of frustration. “No, you don't understand what I'm saying–”
“Starbrooke High School,” The host announced. “Can all members please return to the stage.”
Levi held up his hand for a high five.
“Can we do this later?” He winked. “I'm kinda busy carrying this spelling-bee on my back right now.”
I nodded shakily, high fiving him, and letting him jump back onto the stage.
Before his words hit like a tidal wave, ice cold water slammed into me.
Spelling Bee?
Slowly making my way back to the stands, Levi’s mistake was circling around my head. He did win a spelling bee, but that was in middle school.
Thankfully, the smell of lemons was gone when I returned to my seat.
Mr Hanes handed me a soda. “Chill out, Cassandera, it's just a game.”
He could talk. The guy was on his fifth coffee.
Mr Hanes was not chilled out in the slightest.
Surprisingly, the event went well. I was half expecting my team to be crushed by the rafters, or caught in a blaze started in the crowd. But we were doing well. No, we were winning.
Reaching the climaxing round, Sunny choked against a smug Ratcliffe boy, joining me on the sidelines.
Levi answered the next question with a confident smile.
We were winning, but Ratcliffe could still catch up with a miracle.
The second to last question was to Ratcliffe, and it was general knowledge.
”Where on the human body would one find the *orbit?*
I knew the answer, and so did Levi, his lips breaking out into a smile when the Ratcliffe boy was hesitating, eyes wide.
Our school’s buzzer went off, Levi slamming his hand down.
Bzzz!
The host turned to our team. “Starbrooke, can I have your answer?”
Levi nodded, shooting our team a victory grin.
“It's…!“ He opened his mouth to answer, his jaw slackening suddenly.
The boy’s shoulders slumped.
“Uh… “
“Um…”
“Huhhhhh…”
Levi inclined his head, blinking, his eyes glazing over. There was a sudden, hollow vacancy that sent chills down my spine. It was like someone had reached into his skull, and yanked out his brain, leaving a shell in his place.
To my confusion, our team captain frowned at his buzzer like he'd never seen one before. He pressed it, exploding into child-like giggles.
Bzzz!
The audience laughed along nervously.
Tom nudged me. “What the fuck is he doing?”
Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz!
Levi’s entire body was slumped, his hand slamming down on the buzzer.
I caught something pooling down his chin.
“Is he… drooling?” I whispered.
Mr Hanes looked mildly horrified. “Has he been drinking?
“Levi?” Tom spluttered. “Drinking?!"
Whatever we were watching, however, was definitely influenced by… something.
Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz!
“Young man, that is not a toy!”
The host wasn't amused. “Starbrooke High School, I need an answer from you,” He nodded to Levi, who was pressing the buzzer, his smile growing.
“Once again,” The host backed away, like Levi was contagious. “Where on the human body would one find the Orbit?”
Levi cocked his head, lips parted.
His gaze found the overhead lights, and he winced, his lips curling into a frown.
“Starbrooke High School!”
Levi jumped, tipping his head back and blowing a raspberry. “Palm tree?”
The audience laughed, and I started feeling nauseous.
Across from us, I could see the twist of a smirk on the Ratcliffe coach’s lips.
Bzzz! Levi slammed the buzzer again giggling.
“Starbrooke High School, if your team member continues to act like this, I will be forced to disqualify all members.”
Our captain stopped, gaze glued to the host, his hand creeping towards the buzzer, like it was a big red button.
The audience loved it, laughing like they were watching a sitcom.
“He wouldn't.” Tom whisper-shrieked.
The auditorium was silent for a moment, awaiting Starbrooke’s response.
Levi stuck out his tongue, slamming his hand down.
Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzz! Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz–
When Tom dragged Levi away from his podium, a Ratcliffe girl hit her buzzer.
“Starbrooke High School, you are disqualified,” the host announced. “Ratcliffe High School, do you have an answer?”
It was Ponytail who nodded with a grin.
“The answer is the eye socket! The Orbit is part of the eye socket!”
“That is the correct answer.” The host was distracted, his eyes glued to Levi.
“Ratcliffe High School wins.”
Levi jumped when the Ratcliffe wide erupted into cheers.
His eyes were wide, clinging onto the buzzer for comfort.
Next to me, our coach looked like he was going to faint.
I barely noticed Ratcliffe’s victory, too busy watching our team captain, who was Harvard bound, tipping his head back and smiling at the ceiling like a new-born baby. Tom dragged the stumbling boy over to me, his mouth twisted.
“This was Ratcliffe, right?” He hissed, shaking our captain, who was struggling, squirming in his grip.
“Did they put something in his drink?!” He prodded Levi. “Hey! What did they do to you?!”
Still, though, drugging his drink didn't make sense.
Levi never left the auditorium, and kept his water bottle with him the whole time.
How did they even manage to slip something into his drink in the first place?
Did I smell our competitors drugging him?
Sure, intentionally inebriating my teammate was morally wrong and illegal, but why could I smell lemon?
“I doubt it was Ratcliffe.” Sunny squeezed next to me. “I've been watching them. They're harmless.”
“Then how the fuck do we explain this to his parents?!” Tom whispered, grappling with Levi, who was fighting to get back to the buzzer.
When Tom let go of him, he dropped onto the floor, crawling over to his podium. It was like watching a child.
Who was determined to piss off the adults.
Levi jumped back to instead feet, his gaze was glued to the host, a smile curved on his lips, when he slammed the buzzer again.
Bzzz!
“Someone, please remove the Starbrooke boy from the stage!”
I was embarrassed, our whole team ducking our heads as our captain was forcibly removed from the podium.
Mr Hanes grabbed Levi, pulling him off of the stage.
I expected our coach to be mad at him, but I think the teacher was more worried, a phone pressed to his ear while he forced the boy into a sitting position.
No, I don't think it's influence from alcohol, I could hear his conversation.
Levi kept trying to get up, mesmerised by the buzzer. The teacher was firm but gentle. “Hey. Sit down, all right? Keep still.” He went back to his phone call, gently prying Levi’s eyes open.
From what I can see, there's nothing wrong. He's just kind of…
Mr Hanes swiped his own hands on his jeans. ... wet?
Team Ratcliffe came over to rub it in our faces, though I was still tuned into our coach’s hissed whispering.
Water? No, I don't think it's water. It smells… no, I haven't told his parents…
“You guys did awesome!” Ponytail's voice was sugary sweet. Too sugary.
She held the 2024 trophy, bearing a satisfied smile. I noticed the Ratcliffe members were surrounding Harry, like guards.
“Better luck next time, okay?” She held out her hand, her eyes twinkling.
“No hard feelings?”
“Control your dog.” Harry said, amused eyes flicking to Levi, who was once again sprinting back to the fucking buzzer. His eyes had visibly darkened, lips curled into a triumphant smile.
Harry Cartwright was watching Mr Hanes chase our team captain like it was his own personal entertainment.
I had to look away before I died of second hand embarrassment.
“What did you put in his drink?” Tom demanded. “Weed? Edibles?” the boy attempted to shove Harry, only to be pushed back. “What the fuck did you do to him?”
Harry’s smile didn't waver. “Like I said. Control your mut.”
When the Ratcliffe team walked away, our red faced coach struggling with Levi, who was behaving progressively more erratically, informed us we were longer welcome inside the school.
Tom suggested calling an ambulance, but our coach was hesitant.
We all knew who Levi’s family were.
On the way out, Tom matched my stride. He was frowning at our team captain struggling to walk.
The way he was acting was already eyebrow raising.
But walking at an angle and being unable to stand up straight was worrying.
“I don't think they drugged his drink.” Tom muttered.
We pushed through the doors out of the school, and I revelled in the cool night air grazing my cheek. “If they did, he would be acting out of it, right? So, what's the deal with him acting like–”
“A child.” I finished for him.
“Yeah.” Tom leaned closer. “Do you think this has something to do with their turf war?”
I slapped at a bug creeping across my cheek.
Levi fell over again, this time bursting into giggles.
“Almost definitely.”
Levi was right about Ratcliffe playing dirty. I didn't realize how dirty until we were on the losers bus home. Levi was in the seat next to me, and the kid hadn't moved since we left Ratcliffe, his eyes wide, lips pulled into a dazed grin.
Bzzz!
The noise startled me from slumber. I was drooling, my head pressed against the window. Outside, the sky was pitch dark, and squinting through the glass, I couldn't get a bearing on where we were. I thought I was hearing things, but when I sat up, I heard it again.
Bzzz!
It was close.
Leaning over the boy, I glimpsed a smear of scarlet on his headrest.
I choked on my next words.
“Tom.”
Tom was in front of me, listening to music.
He didn't reply, his head of dark blonde curls nodding to the beat.
“Levi.” I managed to get out. I prodded him, and his head lolled into his shoulder. “Hey. Can you… sit up?”
Bzzz! Bzzz!
When the boy didn't move, I gently grabbed his shoulders and pulled him forward myself, something contracting in my stomach.
I don't know how long it takes for your mind to fully register something, but my body was already reacting.
Levi’s seat was infested with bugs, eating their way through the upholstery. I was aware of my body moving back. I threw up, instantly, screaming into my hand.
The back of my best friend's skull resembled a deflated soccer ball, what was left of his brain leaking from his skull where a swarm of skittering bugs chewed their way through brain tissue, metallic legs scratching the curved, pearly white of the base if his skull.
Levi’s head hung, his body flopping into mine.
But his eyes were still open, lips still stretched into a smile.
Blood ran in thick rivulets from his nose and ears.
Bzzz!
I could see them, black writhing dots alive in his eyes, wriggling movement under his skin.
“Tom!”
I jumped up, stumbling into the aisle, my stomach heaving.
And it was only when I was on my knees, swiping bile from my lips, when I realized the others weren't reacting.
Tom wasn't moving.
I pulled an Airpod out of his ear, a long, slithering string of pink attached to the end.
There was a stray bug skittering across his hand, his face starting to twitch and writhe.
Moving back, I checked myself over, my hands shaking.
Head.
Shoulders.
Hair.
Clawing through it, my breath was stuck in my throat.
Arms.
Legs.
Feet.
Mr Hanes was slumped against the window, a reddish froth bubbling from his mouth.
Sunny.
I started towards the back of the bus, but all I had to see was her bowed head, half of her skull chewed through.
Sunny was in a far more deteriorated state, her face had been ripped through, a skeletal smile glinting in the dim.
The thick black smear on the window next to her was moving.
When I screamed for the driver to stop the bus, he ignored me.
If anything, he stamped on the gas.
I moved forward to shake him, before glimpsing a bug creeping down his face.
Calling 911, the operator laughed at me.
“Bugs are eating your friends.” He said. “Do you know the penalty for calling with bullshit pranks?”
The bus didn't stop, so I stayed at the front, while the bugs took over the back, eating through my teammates.
After four hours, I risked leaning over the seat next to Tom to check on Levi.
They were eating him.
Chewing all the way through skin, muscle and bone.
I tried to stop the bus, but the driver’s hands were tightly wrapped around the wheel.
Another hour, and blood was seeping down the aisle, crawling with bugs.
Levi was gone, and in his place, a buzzing skittering pile of bugs, that I thought were going to move to a second victim, maybe burrowing into the seats.
But, no.
These things began to tremble, replicating.
Building.
Slowly, nothing became static, and static became muscle.
Then bone.
Then flesh.
When a body began to slowly form, moulded from the dead boy, I stumbled back.
These things weren't eating Levi Costella.
They were rewriting him.
…
Edit: I'm still on the bus. I'm 99.9% sure that I'm infected with whatever this thing is. I can't stop fucking itching.
I keep picking them off me but they won't stop. This bus isn't going to stop until I'm like the others.
…
Edit 2:
I can feel them chewing into my skull. They're in my ears. I keep spitting them out. Please, someone get them off of me. Help me. I don't want to die at 17.
Edit 3:
Still alive. Still breathing. Maybe they're leaving me alone????? I think I'm okay. There is a pile of bugs at my feet, but they're crawling off of me.
Edit 4:
Levi really wants to go home. Like, he just told me he REALLY wants to go home. He's got a gift for his parents.
~~Edit 5 :) ~~
Levi is next to me right now, an odd smile on his face.
The bugs are not finished building him yet, but he'll be ready soon.
We will be ready soon.
Your son says hello! He is a wonderful boy, is he not?
Mr and Mrs Costella, I cannot wait for you to meet him.
He is our greatest achievement, and rest assured, you will give us what we want.
Warm regards.
The Cartwright's.

If you're interested in baby registry boxes but don't know which one to try or how to even sign up for them I have some info for you here! I got boxes/bags from Target, Walmart, Amazon, Hey Milestone, Babylist, and Similac and I'm still waiting for a box from Enfamil. I'm not an influencer or someone paid by these companies I just really like surprise boxes of stuff. I have pictures but I don't know how to add them. Anyway onto the lists.
Target:
How to get: This appears to have changed recently. According to target.com you join the Target Circle rewards, create a baby registry, add 10 items, and spend $10 from registry (either yourself of someone else). You have to pick up the bag in store with a barcode they give to you and it can be somewhat difficult to get since supplies are limited. When I did this in March all I had to do was create a registry and then go to the store to pick up the bag.
Items:
1 Philips Avent Natural Bottle
1 Dr Browns Anti-Colic Bottle
3 pack sample of Huggies Special Delivery Diapers
2 pack sample of Millie Moon Diapers
16 count sample of Huggies Natural Care wipes
10 count sample of Honest plant based wipes
10 count sample of Water Wipes
2 count sample of Lansinho breastmilk storage bags
2 count sample of Lansinho disposable nursing pads
1 count sample if Boogie Wipes
1 sample of Dreft scent booster for laundry
1 sample of Palmers stretch mark lotion
1 sample of Dapple bottle and dish soap
1 sample of Pedialyte
1 sample of Auqaphor baby ointment
1 sample bottle of Aveno baby wash and shampoo
1 sample tube of Triple Paste diaper rash cream
All coupons are through Target Circle rewards
Walmart:
How to Get: Sign up for a registry at Walmart. Click this link https://walmart.cesampling.com/babybox/soldout and fill out the form and it would be shipped to you for free. Unfortunately these boxes have been sold out since last year but maybe they will restock. I only got one because my OB’s office gave it to me at my first appointment. You’re not missing much by not getting one.
Items:
1 Dr Browns Anti-Colic Bottle
3 pack sample of Huggies Special Delivery Diapers
16 count sample pack of Huggies Natural Care Wipes
1 sample of Arm & Hammer baby laundry detergent
1 sample bottle of Johnson’s head to toe wash and shampoo
1 sample bottle of Aveno baby wash and shampoo
1 pack of milestone month cards
Insert cards (not coupons) for Gerber, WaterWipes, Liquid IV, Aquaphor, and Arm & Hammer
Amazon:
How to Get: Have an Amazon prime account. Create a baby registry. Add 10 items to your baby registry. Purchase $10 worth of items from registry (either yourself or someone else). Wait for the items to ship and then add the baby welcome box to your shopping cart. There should be a $35 coupon applied when you go to checkout.
1 Newborn Swaddle size 36in x 36in
1 Amazon Essentials 3-6 month onesie
1 Mam Anti-Colic Bottle and Pacifier set
1 Bessie's Best lactation cookie
2 count sample of Lansinho breastmilk storage bags
2 count sample of Lansinho disposable nursing pads
1 sample of Aquaphor baby ointment
1 sample of Palmers skin therapy oil
1 sample of Palmers stretch mark lotion
50% off coupon for Shutterfly
10% off coupon for Amazon Essentials (items must be from a list compiled by Amazon)
$20 off coupon for Tylenol Smart check digital ear scope
$200 off Factor meal delivery service
Inserts (not coupons) for Palmers, Aquaphor, Baby Breeza, Mam bottles/pacifers
A card booklet with ideas for the registry
Hey Milestone:
How to Get: Hey Milestone is not a registry. They make three different baby boxes you can choose from and you just pay shipping. If you’re considering multiple boxes it’s best to get them all at once because the shipping will be cheaper. Shipping for one was $12.99. I only got one, the pregnancy box, so I can't tell you what you may expect from the other two. Check them out here: https://www.heymilestone.com/
Items:
1 full size Boudreaux’s Butt Paste butt barrier
1 Herobility 5 oz bottle
1 sample pack of Bamba peanut butter puffs
1 Kudos diaper with 10% off coupon
1 Dr Browns pacifier
1 Nanobebe hospital go-bag kit (includes pacifier, 2 breastmilk bags, 2 nursing pads, 20% off coupon)
2 count sample of Lansinho breastmilk storage bags
2 count sample of Lansinho disposable nursing pads
1 Preggie Pop
1 Bessie’s Best lactation cookie
10 count sample pack of Zahler prenatal vitamins
1 sample of Bella B nipple butter
1 sample of Bella B cradle cap be gone shampoo
1 sample tube of Eucerin baby sunscreen
1 count sample of Jack n Jill baby gum and tooth wipes
1 nail file with info for Mother’s Milk Bank
10% off coupon for Boudreaux’s Butt Paste butt barrier from Amazon
$130 off good chop meat delivery
16 free meals from Hello Fresh
$1 off Bamba snacks
1 insert for Forsite 350 genetic testing
Babylist:
How to Get: This one is by far the most involved process. Create a registry on Babylist. Enter in your baby’s due date, you address, and first and last name. Add three items from the Babylist shop. Add three items from other stores (you can do this by putting a plug-in from the website on Chrome or Firefox. More detailed instructions on the website). Complete 40% of your registry checklist (you can do this by just checking items off yourself). Spend $30 from your registry at the babylist store (either yourself of someone else). The $30 must be spent on items from the babylist store! Once these things are done you can pay $8.95 for shipping or you can chose simple shipping and it’s free.
Items:
1 Herobility 5oz bottle
1 Philips Avent Natural bottle
1 Monica and Andy baby hat
1 Small Story 0-3 month onesie and 20% off coupon
1 Parker bib with 15% off coupon and a chance to win $200 giveaway
1 Nanobebe first pacifier
2 pack sample of Kudos diapers with 10% off coupon
2 pack sample of Healthy Baby diapers
2 pack sample of Parasol diapers
10 count sample of Honest plant based wipes
10 count sample of Water Wipes
10 count pack of motif medical breastmilk bags and 15% off coupon
1 sample tube of Noodle & Boo body wash and shampoo
1 sample tube of Noodle and Boo lotion
1 Bessie’s Best lactation cookie
2 count sample of Lansinho breastmilk storage bags
2 count sample of Lansinho disposable nursing pads
1 sample of Wellements probiotic and $15 off coupon
1 sample tube of Aquaphor baby ointment
1 sample of Desitin
1 sample of Palmers skin therapy oil
1 sample of Palmers stretch mark lotion
1 sample of Bird&Be vitamins and 15% off coupon
1 sample bottle of Vivi & Bloom body wash and shampoo
2 samples of Triple Paste diaper rash ointment and $2 off coupon
Coupon for a free onesie from Oso and Me ($32 value)
Coupon for free 8x8 photo book from Shutterfly
Coupon for a free will from Trust & Will
Coupon for free Swaddle from Little Unicorn
1 insert for babylist health for information on free breast pumps
Similac:
How to Get: Sign up to my Similac rewards at https://www.similac.com/rewards.html . It’s completely free. I do recommend using an email you rarely use though and don't put in your phone number.
Items:
1 7 oz can of Similac 360 Total Care formula
1 7 oz can of Similac 360 Total Care Sensitive formula
1 sample of Pedialyte
1 free 8x8 photo book from Shutterfly
Coupon for 1 free session at JC Penny portraits and 1 free 8 x 10 print
Coupons for $50 off Similac formula (They will send more in the mail once you use these)
16 free meals from Hello Fresh
Coupon for 50% off Shutterly
Coupon for $20 off Lovevery play kits
Coupon for $3 off Pedialyte
A collection of 12 gift cards to places I’ve never heard of ranging from $60-$30
Enfamil:
How to get:
Sign up for Enfamil Beginnings at https://www.enfamil.com/baby-formula-coupons-samples/ . It’s completely free. I do recommend using an email you rarely use and don’t put in your phone number. I’m still waiting on my Wonder Box to come. They tend to ship close to your due date so I may get it soon.
Overall thoughts: I enjoyed the fun of going through the boxes to see what I got. The Walmart one is no great loss to anyone not able to get one. I was disappointed with the Amazon one because I expected it to be a bit better based on what others had gotten. Plus I didn’t get the Dude Wipes people were getting and I was looking forward to them lol. The Babylist box was the best of the bunch, which is good considering the hoops you have to jump through to get it. Hey Milestone was great for the butt paste and bottle alone. I was also really pleased with the Target bag. These are just the things I got and each box/bag may be different.

This is an expansion of a recent post and also incorporates some ideas from this theory (by u/ndependent-Design17). Throughout the series the reader is repeatedly reminded that "only death can pay for life" — that magic, especially powerful magic, comes at great cost.

"Only death can pay for life, my lord. A great gift requires a great sacrifice.”

Davos, ASOS
This phrase or variations of this phrase are repeated by Melisandre, Mirri, etc. at various points throughout the series. That which follows is a highly speculative theory on the nature of the cost of magic in the series. Specifically, that souls are central to the exercise of magic and can be used as magic currency.

1. establishing the concept of the soul

Oh, to be sure, there is much we do not understand. The years pass in their hundreds and their thousands, and what does any man see of life but a few summers, a few winters? We look at mountains and call them eternal, and so they seem… but in the course of time, mountains rise and fall, rivers change their courses, stars fall from the sky, and great cities sink beneath the sea. Even gods die, we think. Everything changes.

Bran, AGOT
What happens after we die? Is there some part of us that lives on or do we simply cease to exist. These are fundamental questions that are essentially unanswerable in life but not in ASOIAF. The reader is given a point-of-view account of death in the prologue of ADWD. After unsuccessfully attempting to steal the body of Thistle, a wildling spearwife, Varamyr dies and briefly becomes a disembodied consciousness:

The white world turned and fell away. For a moment it was as if he were inside the weirwood, gazing out through carved red eyes as a dying man twitched feebly on the ground and a madwoman danced blind and bloody underneath the moon, weeping red tears and ripping at her clothes. Then both were gone and he was rising, melting, his spirit borne on some cold wind. He was in the snow and in the clouds, he was a sparrow, a squirrel, an oak. A horned owl flew silently between his trees, hunting a hare; Varamyr was inside the owl, inside the hare, inside the trees. Deep below the frozen ground, earthworms burrowed blindly in the dark, and he was them as well. I am the wood, and everything that’s in it, he thought, exulting.

Prologue, ADWD
Afterward his "spirit," or soul, is eventually transferred into a body of wolf and he begins his second life. This event, and the process of skin-changing more generally, appears to involve projection or transfer of a soul from one body into another. The process of projecting or transferring souls to either animal vessels or the weirwoods is central to the magic of the Children of the Forest.

“Someone else was in the raven,” he told Lord Brynden, once he had returned to his own skin. “Some girl. I felt her.”
“A woman, of those who sing the song of earth,” his teacher said. “Long dead, yet a part of her remains, just as a part of you would remain in Summer if your boy’s flesh were to die upon the morrow. A shadow on the soul. She will not harm you.”
"Do all the birds have singers in them?"
“All,” Lord Brynden said.

Bran, ADWD
After death a "shadow on the soul" of the Singers remain in the crows. The soul of Orell is also described as living on in the body of his eagle after his death.
This process appears to take two forms: the soul can be temporarily projected from one body into another (e.g., as happens when Bran skin-changes into Hodor) or can be permanently transferred as is described in the separate examples above.
These transferred souls merge with their recipient, at least to some degree, and may decay over time:

"The wolf is part of you from that day on, and you’re part of him. Both of you will change.”
Other beasts were best left alone, the hunter had declared. Cats were vain and cruel, always ready to turn on you. Elk and deer were prey; wear their skins too long, and even the bravest man became a coward. Bears, boars, badgers, weasels … Haggon did not hold with such. “Some skins you never want to wear, boy. You won’t like what you’d become.” Birds were the worst, to hear him tell it. “Men were not meant to leave the earth. Spend too much time in the clouds and you never want to come back down again.
...
"They say you forget," Haggon had told him, a few weeks before his own death.
"When the man's flesh dies, his spirit lives on inside the beast, but every day his memory fades, and the beast becomes a little less a warg, a little more a wolf, until nothing of the man is left and only the beast remains."

Prologue, ADWD
Bran is provided with similar warnings about the danger of spending too much time in Summer's skin by Jojen.
The Bran that appears to Jon-Ghost in the vision in ACOK is also likely the lingering soul of a non-contemporary Bran, contained in the weirwoods and communicating from the future.

The weirwood had his brother’s face. Had his brother always had three eyes?
Not always, came the silent shout. Not before the crow.
He sniffed at the bark, smelled wolf and tree and boy, but behind that there were other scents, the rich brown smell of warm earth and the hard grey smell of stone and something else, something terrible. Death, he knew. He was smelling death. He cringed back, his hair bristling, and bared his fangs.
"Don’t be afraid, I like it in the dark. No one can see you, but you can see them. But first you have to open your eyes. See? Like this." And the tree reached down and touched him.

Jon, ACOK
There is more information about this in the Time Traveling Bran series. Briefly, the version of Bran in this vision does not appear to be contemporaneous because likes the dark, is able to open Jon's third eye, smells of death, etc. (This is well outside of the scope of this theory however.)

2. shadow magic requires souls

As above the reader is repeatedly reminded throughout the series that "only death can pay for life." What is specifically being sacrificed, though? Is the magic being fueled by the blood of the sacrificed or by something else?
To answer this let us examine one of the most concrete example of magic in the series, the use or exchange of Stannis Baratheon's "life-fire" in order for Melisandre to manifest the shadows used to kill Renly Baratheon and Courtney Penrose.

Shadows only live when given birth by light, and the king's fires burn so low I dare not draw off any more to make another son. It might well kill him."
Melisandre moved closer.
"With another man, though... a man whose flames still burn hot and high... if you truly wish to serve your king's cause, come to my chamber one night. I could give you pleasure such as you have never known, and with your life-fire I could make..."

Davos, ASOS
According to this explanation, the cost of producing these shadow appears to have been part of his "life-fire," or soul. The shadow is specifically described as having the shape Stannis supporting this. Whether this applies to other types of magic — specifically blood magic or fire magic — is less clear but shadow magic very much appears to require the use of souls.
This type of exchange is also directly referenced in the story of the Night's King provided by Old Nan:

A woman was his downfall; a woman glimpsed from atop the Wall, with skin as white as the moon and eyes like blue stars. Fearing nothing, he chased her and caught her and loved her, though her skin was cold as ice, and when he gave his seed to her he gave his soul as well. (Credit to u/DigLost5791 for this reference.)

Bran, ASOS
Stannis is described by Davos afterward as follows:

The look of him was a shock. He seemed ten years older than the man that Davos had left at Storm’s End when he set sail for the Blackwater and the battle that would be their undoing. The king’s close-cropped beard was spiderwebbed with grey hairs, and he had dropped two stone or more of weight. He had never been a fleshy man, but now the bones moved beneath his skin like spears, fighting to cut free. Even his crown seemed too large for his head. His eyes were blue pits lost in deep hollows, and the shape of a skull could be seen beneath his face.

Davos, ASOS
Asha later describes Stannis as appearing life a "man with one foot in the grave."

What little flesh he’d carried on his tall, spare frame at Deepwood Motte had melted away during the march. The shape of his skull could be seen under his skin, and his jaw was clenched so hard Asha feared his teeth might shatter.

Asha, ADWD
These descriptions seem appropriate for a character that has lost part of their "life-fire" or soul.
Throughout the series Stannis is forced to make a series of increasingly difficult decisions. The most significant of these decisions regards the fate of his nephew, Eric Storm. Melisandre repeatedly urges him to "give [her] the boy," presumably to be burned, but is rebuffed by Stannis.

“I know the cost! Last night, gazing into that hearth, I saw things in the flames as well. I saw a king, a crown of fire on his brows, burning… burning, Davos. His own crown consumed his flesh and turned him into ash. Do you think I need Melisandre to tell me what that means? Or you?” The king moved, so his shadow fell upon King’s Landing.
"…what is the life of one bastard boy against a kingdom?”
“Everything,” said Davos, softly.

Davos, ASOS
Is the life of this bastard boy worth the lives of millions that would die if the Others break through the Wall? Making a deal with the devil and literally selling his soul in pursuit of some greater good seems very appropriate for his character, thematically. The description of his flesh turning to ash in this vision is representative also supports this interpretation.

3. blood and fire magic

As opposed to the creation of the shadows described above, we are also provided an example of so-called blood magic in the leech burning ritual.

“Give me the boy, Your Grace. It is the surer way. The better way. Give me the boy and I shall wake the stone dragon.”
...
Melisandre bowed her head stiffly, and said, “As my king commands.” Reaching up her left sleeve with her right hand, she flung a handful of powder into the brazier. The coals roared. As pale flames writhed atop them, the red woman retrieved the silver dish and brought it to the king. Davos watched her lift the lid. Beneath were three large black leeches, fat with blood. The boy’s blood, Davos knew. A king’s blood. Stannis stretched forth a hand, and his fingers closed around one of the leeches.
“Say the name,” Melisandre commanded.

Davos, ASOS
Following this ritual all of the mentioned individuals do die but do so as the part of separate conspiracies (e.g., Robb Stark is betrayed by the Freys and Boltons, Joffrey Baratheon by Littlefinger and the Tyrells, etc.) which were already in place. It is left intentionally ambiguous by the author but it does not appear that the ritual meaningfully contributed to their deaths.
The creation of the shadows is said by Melisandre to have required part of Stannis' "life-fire" or soul. Could it be that the leech burning ritual was unsuccessful because blood alone is not sufficient as a sacrifice?
These forms of magic are frequently described in the community as "shadow magic" and "blood magic." These concepts — "fire and blood" and "flame and shadow" — are highly associated with one another in the text:

“Shadow?" Davos felt his flesh prickling. "A shadow is a thing of darkness."
”You are more ignorant than a child, ser knight. There are no shadows in the dark. Shadows are the servants of light, the children of fire. The brightest flame casts the darkest shadows."

Davos, ACOK
I speculate that these are different expressions of the same concept; that all of these fall under the general umbrella of fire magic and share common principles. "Fire consumes and in the end there's nothing left."

4. dancing shadows

The tent was aglow with the light of braziers within. Through the blood-spattered sandsilk, she glimpsed shadows moving.
Mirri Maz Duur was dancing, and not alone.
...
No, Dany wanted to say, no, not that, you mustn’t, but when she opened her mouth, a long wail of pain escaped, and the sweat broke over her skin. What was wrong with them, couldn’t they see?
Inside the tent the shapes were dancing, circling the brazier and the bloody bath, dark against the sandsilk, and some did not look human. She glimpsed the shadow of a great wolf, and another like a man wreathed in flames.
“The Lamb Woman knows the secrets of the birthing bed,” Irri said. “She said so, I heard her.”
“Yes,” Doreah agreed, “I heard her too.”
No, she shouted, or perhaps she only thought it, for no whisper of sound escaped her lips. She was being carried. Her eyes opened to gaze up at a flat dead sky, black and bleak and starless. Please, no. The sound of Mirri Maz Duur’s voice grew louder, until it filled the world. The shapes! She screamed. The dancers!
Ser Jorah carried her inside the tent.

Daenerys, AGOT
The introduction of shadow magic in the series is provided above with Mirri Max Duur. Following this ritual Drogo is described as a lifeless husk:

"He seems to like the warmth, Princess," Ser Jorah said. "His eyes follow the sun, though he does not see it. He can walk after a fashion. He will go where you lead him, but no farther. He will eat if you put food in his mouth, drink if you dribble water on his lips."

Daenerys, AGOT
It has previously been speculated that Mirri "reverse skin-changed" Drogo (e.g., "strength of the mount go into the rider, strength of the beast go into the man."). The description provided is less consistent with a horse soul inhabiting a human body than it is with the complete or near-complete absence of a soul. It appears more likely in retrospect that Mirri sacrificed part of Drogo's soul to summon the shadows and likely as a means to kill Daenerys' unborn child.

“The stallion who mounts the world will burn no cities now. His khalasar shall trample no nations into dust."

Daenerys, AGOT

5. reanimation

If "only death can pay for life" and souls are used as a form of magical currency how does one explain the reanimation or resurrection process?
There is a paucity of information on the reanimation of the dead in the series. The resurrection of Beric Dondarrion, for example, appears to be different in fundamental ways from that of the wights or Cold Hands. (We are potentially given a point-of-view account of this process if you accept that Victarion died in ADWD.)

“Thoros, how many times have you brought me back now?”
The red priest bowed his head. “It is R’hllor who brings you back, my lord. The Lord of Light. I am only his instrument.”
“How many times?” Lord Beric insisted.
“Six,” Thoros said reluctantly.
“And each time is harder. You have grown reckless, my lord. Is death so very sweet?”
Arya, ASOS

There is no immediately identifiable magical cost for these "kisses of life," at least at first glance. Thoros later tells us that he breathed part of his "flames" or soul into Beric:

“That first time, his lordship had a hole right through him and blood in his mouth, I knew there was no hope. So when his poor torn chest stopped moving, I gave him the good god's own kiss to send him on his way. I filled my mouth with fire and breathed the flames inside him, down his throat to lungs and heart and soul. The last kiss it is called, and many a time I saw the old priests bestow it on the Lord's servants as they died." (Credit to u/watchersontheweb for providing this quote in the initial thread.)

Arya, ASOS
Thoros is also described as appearing very different after performing this ritual several times in a way that is not entirely dissimilar to the changes in Stannis’ appearance referenced above.

“Here’s the wizard, skinny squirrel. You’ll get your answers now.”
He pointed toward the fire, where Tom Sevenstrings stood talking to a tall thin man with oddments of old armor buckled on over his ratty pink robes. That can’t be Thoros of Myr. Arya remembered the red priest as fat, with a smooth face and a shiny bald head. This man had a droopy face and a full head of shaggy grey hair.
...
“Thoros of Myr. You used to shave your head.”
“To betoken a humble heart, but in truth my heart was vain. Besides, I lost my razor in the woods.” The priest slapped his belly. “I am less than I was, but more. A year in the wild will melt the flesh off a man. Would that I could find a tailor to take in my skin. I might look young again, and pretty maids would shower me with kisses.”

Arya, ASOS
Thoros attributes these changes to his renewed devotion to the Red God and spending "a year in the wild" as above although he is not exactly forthcoming with Arya about the resurrection process. It is also likely that he does not entirely understand what specifically is being exchanged here.
Later he describes Beric giving the "kiss of life" to the corpse of Catelyn Stark:

“The Freys slashed her throat from ear to ear. When we found her by the river she was three days dead. Harwin begged me to give her the kiss of life, but it had been too long. I would not do it, so Lord Beric put his lips to hers instead, and the flame of life passed from him to her. And… she rose. May the Lord of Light protect us. She rose.”

Brienne, AFFC
Notably, this process produces a reanimated Catelyn (a.k.a. Lady Stoneheart). The soul of Beric, or at least whatever is left of his soul at this point in the series, is consumed in order to resurrect Catelyn and not transferred.

6. cold shadows (wild speculation)

The terms "white shadows," "pale shadows," and "cold shadows" are repeated used to describe the Others. The Others are also highly associated with ghosts — the spirits or souls of the dead bound to the earth. (The forrest in which they are introduced is literally called the Haunted Forrest.)

The Others made no sound.
Will saw movement from the corner of his eye. Pale shapes gliding through the wood. He turned his head, glimpsed a white shadow in the darkness. Then it was gone. Branches stirred gently in the wind, scratching at one another with wooden fingers. Will opened his mouth to call down a warning, and the words seemed to freeze in his throat. Perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps it had only been a bird, a reflection on the snow, some trick of the moonlight. What had he seen, after all?
“Will, where are you?” Ser Waymar called up. “Can you see anything?” He was turning in a slow circle, suddenly wary, his sword in hand. He must have felt them, as Will felt them. There was nothing to see. “Answer me! Why is it so cold?” It was cold.
Shivering, Will clung more tightly to his perch. His face pressed hard against the trunk of the sentinel. He could feel the sweet, sticky sap on his cheek. A shadow emerged from the dark of the wood. It stood in front of Royce. Tall, it was, and gaunt and hard as old bones, with flesh pale as milk. Its armor seemed to change color as it moved; here it was white as new-fallen snow, there black as shadow, everywhere dappled with the deep grey-green of the trees. The patterns ran like moonlight on water with every step it took. Will heard the breath go out of Ser Waymar Royce in a long hiss. ...
The Other slid forward on silent feet. In its hand was a longsword like none that Will had ever seen. No human metal had gone into the forging of that blade. It was alive with moonlight, translucent, a shard of crystal so thin that it seemed almost to vanish when seen edge-on. There was a faint blue shimmer to the thing, a ghost-light that played around its edges, and somehow Will knew it was sharper than any razor.

Prologue, AGOT
This is again highly speculative but it seems reasonable to consider that these cold shadows are not "ice demons" or "ice zombies" but are in fact ghosts, the spirits or souls of men that are bound to the earth through magic by the Children of the Forest. (The textual evidence of the creation of the Others by the Children has previously been discussed at length in the community in separate posts.) "Fire consumes, but cold preserves."
This would explain several of the unusual characteristics of the Others described by Tormund:

“Tormund,” Jon said, as they watched four old women pull a cartful of children toward the gate, “tell me of our foe. I would know all there is to know of the Others.”
The wildling rubbed his mouth. “Not here,” he mumbled, “not this side o’ your Wall.” The old man glanced uneasily toward the trees in their white mantles. “They’re never far, you know. They won’t come out by day, not when that old sun’s shining, but don’t think that means they went away. Shadows never go away. Might be you don’t see them, but they’re always clinging to your heels.”
...
Tormund turned back.
"You know nothing. You killed a dead man, aye, I heard. Mance killed a hundred. A man can fight the dead, but when their masters come, when the white mists rise up… how do you fight a mist, crow? Shadows with teeth … air so cold it hurts to breathe, like a knife inside your chest … you do not know, you cannot know … can your sword cut cold?"

Jon, ADWD
A reasonable interpretation of this information is that the Others are present during the day, at least in some capacity, and are only able to assume corporeal form at night.
The Others are also described as "going lightly upon the snow" which would also supports the idea that they are ghosts:

“The white walkers go lightly on the snow,” the ranger said. “You’ll find no prints to mark their passage.”

Samwell, ASOS

7. conclusions

This highly speculative theory attempts to reconcile several seemingly disparate concepts in the series related to magic, namely the actual nature of magical sacrifice ("only death can pay for life") and shadows or shadow magic. More specifically, I suggest that souls are the primary magical currency and can be consumed using fire magic to summon shadows, create glamours, etc. I also speculate that similar processes took place during Mirri Maz Duur's shadow-binding ritual in AGOT and during the repeated resurrections of Berric Dondarrion in ASOS. I further suggest that the Others are ghosts, the spirits or souls of the dead bound to the earth.
EDIT: edited several times to address formatting issues

This is an expansion of a recent post and also incorporates some ideas from this theory (by u/ndependent-Design17). Throughout the series the reader is repeatedly reminded that "only death can pay for life" — that magic, especially powerful magic, comes at great cost.

"Only death can pay for life, my lord. A great gift requires a great sacrifice.”

Davos, ASOS
This phrase or variations of this phrase are repeated by Melisandre, Mirri, etc. at various points throughout the series. That which follows is a highly speculative theory on the nature of the cost of magic in the series. Specifically, that souls are central to the exercise of magic and can be used as magic currency.

1. establishing the concept of the soul

Oh, to be sure, there is much we do not understand. The years pass in their hundreds and their thousands, and what does any man see of life but a few summers, a few winters? We look at mountains and call them eternal, and so they seem… but in the course of time, mountains rise and fall, rivers change their courses, stars fall from the sky, and great cities sink beneath the sea. Even gods die, we think. Everything changes.

Bran, AGOT
What happens after we die? Is there some part of us that lives on or do we simply cease to exist. These are fundamental questions that are essentially unanswerable in life but not in ASOIAF. The reader is given a point-of-view account of death in the prologue of ADWD. After unsuccessfully attempting to steal the body of Thistle, a wildling spearwife, Varamyr dies and briefly becomes a disembodied consciousness:

The white world turned and fell away. For a moment it was as if he were inside the weirwood, gazing out through carved red eyes as a dying man twitched feebly on the ground and a madwoman danced blind and bloody underneath the moon, weeping red tears and ripping at her clothes. Then both were gone and he was rising, melting, his spirit borne on some cold wind. He was in the snow and in the clouds, he was a sparrow, a squirrel, an oak. A horned owl flew silently between his trees, hunting a hare; Varamyr was inside the owl, inside the hare, inside the trees. Deep below the frozen ground, earthworms burrowed blindly in the dark, and he was them as well. I am the wood, and everything that’s in it, he thought, exulting.

Prologue, ADWD
Afterward his "spirit," or soul, is eventually transferred into a body of wolf and he begins his second life. This event, and the process of skin-changing more generally, appears to involve projection or transfer of a soul from one body into another. The process of projecting or transferring souls to either animal vessels or the weirwoods is central to the magic of the Children of the Forest.

“Someone else was in the raven,” he told Lord Brynden, once he had returned to his own skin. “Some girl. I felt her.”
“A woman, of those who sing the song of earth,” his teacher said. “Long dead, yet a part of her remains, just as a part of you would remain in Summer if your boy’s flesh were to die upon the morrow. A shadow on the soul. She will not harm you.”
"Do all the birds have singers in them?"
“All,” Lord Brynden said.

Bran, ADWD
After death a "shadow on the soul" of the Singers remain in the crows. The soul of Orell is also described as living on in the body of his eagle after his death.
This process appears to take two forms: the soul can be temporarily projected from one body into another (e.g., as happens when Bran skin-changes into Hodor) or can be permanently transferred as is described in the separate examples above.
These transferred souls merge with their recipient, at least to some degree, and may decay over time:

"The wolf is part of you from that day on, and you’re part of him. Both of you will change.”
Other beasts were best left alone, the hunter had declared. Cats were vain and cruel, always ready to turn on you. Elk and deer were prey; wear their skins too long, and even the bravest man became a coward. Bears, boars, badgers, weasels … Haggon did not hold with such. “Some skins you never want to wear, boy. You won’t like what you’d become.” Birds were the worst, to hear him tell it. “Men were not meant to leave the earth. Spend too much time in the clouds and you never want to come back down again.
...
"They say you forget," Haggon had told him, a few weeks before his own death.
"When the man's flesh dies, his spirit lives on inside the beast, but every day his memory fades, and the beast becomes a little less a warg, a little more a wolf, until nothing of the man is left and only the beast remains."

Prologue, ADWD
Bran is provided with similar warnings about the danger of spending too much time in Summer's skin by Jojen.
The Bran that appears to Jon-Ghost in the vision in ACOK is also likely the lingering soul of a non-contemporary Bran, contained in the weirwoods and communicating from the future.

The weirwood had his brother’s face. Had his brother always had three eyes?
Not always, came the silent shout. Not before the crow.
He sniffed at the bark, smelled wolf and tree and boy, but behind that there were other scents, the rich brown smell of warm earth and the hard grey smell of stone and something else, something terrible. Death, he knew. He was smelling death. He cringed back, his hair bristling, and bared his fangs.
"Don’t be afraid, I like it in the dark. No one can see you, but you can see them. But first you have to open your eyes. See? Like this." And the tree reached down and touched him.

Jon, ACOK
There is more information about this in the Time Traveling Bran series. Briefly, the version of Bran in this vision does not appear to be contemporaneous because likes the dark, is able to open Jon's third eye, smells of death, etc. (This is well outside of the scope of this theory however.)

2. shadow magic requires souls

As above the reader is repeatedly reminded throughout the series that "only death can pay for life." What is specifically being sacrificed, though? Is the magic being fueled by the blood of the sacrificed or by something else?
To answer this let us examine one of the most concrete example of magic in the series, the use or exchange of Stannis Baratheon's "life-fire" in order for Melisandre to manifest the shadows used to kill Renly Baratheon and Courtney Penrose.

Shadows only live when given birth by light, and the king's fires burn so low I dare not draw off any more to make another son. It might well kill him."
Melisandre moved closer.
"With another man, though... a man whose flames still burn hot and high... if you truly wish to serve your king's cause, come to my chamber one night. I could give you pleasure such as you have never known, and with your life-fire I could make..."

Davos, ASOS
According to this explanation, the cost of producing these shadow appears to have been part of his "life-fire," or soul. The shadow is specifically described as having the shape Stannis supporting this. Whether this applies to other types of magic — specifically blood magic or fire magic — is less clear but shadow magic very much appears to require the use of souls.
This type of exchange is also directly referenced in the story of the Night's King provided by Old Nan:

A woman was his downfall; a woman glimpsed from atop the Wall, with skin as white as the moon and eyes like blue stars. Fearing nothing, he chased her and caught her and loved her, though her skin was cold as ice, and when he gave his seed to her he gave his soul as well. (Credit to u/DigLost5791 for this reference.)

Bran, ASOS
Stannis is described by Davos afterward as follows:

The look of him was a shock. He seemed ten years older than the man that Davos had left at Storm’s End when he set sail for the Blackwater and the battle that would be their undoing. The king’s close-cropped beard was spiderwebbed with grey hairs, and he had dropped two stone or more of weight. He had never been a fleshy man, but now the bones moved beneath his skin like spears, fighting to cut free. Even his crown seemed too large for his head. His eyes were blue pits lost in deep hollows, and the shape of a skull could be seen beneath his face.

Davos, ASOS
Asha later describes Stannis as appearing life a "man with one foot in the grave."

What little flesh he’d carried on his tall, spare frame at Deepwood Motte had melted away during the march. The shape of his skull could be seen under his skin, and his jaw was clenched so hard Asha feared his teeth might shatter.

Asha, ADWD
These descriptions seem appropriate for a character that has lost part of their "life-fire" or soul.
Throughout the series Stannis is forced to make a series of increasingly difficult decisions. The most significant of these decisions regards the fate of his nephew, Eric Storm. Melisandre repeatedly urges him to "give [her] the boy," presumably to be burned, but is rebuffed by Stannis.

“I know the cost! Last night, gazing into that hearth, I saw things in the flames as well. I saw a king, a crown of fire on his brows, burning… burning, Davos. His own crown consumed his flesh and turned him into ash. Do you think I need Melisandre to tell me what that means? Or you?” The king moved, so his shadow fell upon King’s Landing.
"…what is the life of one bastard boy against a kingdom?”
“Everything,” said Davos, softly.

Davos, ASOS
Is the life of this bastard boy worth the lives of millions that would die if the Others break through the Wall? Making a deal with the devil and literally selling his soul in pursuit of some greater good seems very appropriate for his character, thematically. The description of his flesh turning to ash in this vision is representative also supports this interpretation.

3. blood and fire magic

As opposed to the creation of the shadows described above, we are also provided an example of so-called blood magic in the leech burning ritual.

“Give me the boy, Your Grace. It is the surer way. The better way. Give me the boy and I shall wake the stone dragon.”
...
Melisandre bowed her head stiffly, and said, “As my king commands.” Reaching up her left sleeve with her right hand, she flung a handful of powder into the brazier. The coals roared. As pale flames writhed atop them, the red woman retrieved the silver dish and brought it to the king. Davos watched her lift the lid. Beneath were three large black leeches, fat with blood. The boy’s blood, Davos knew. A king’s blood. Stannis stretched forth a hand, and his fingers closed around one of the leeches.
“Say the name,” Melisandre commanded.

Davos, ASOS
Following this ritual all of the mentioned individuals do die but do so as the part of separate conspiracies (e.g., Robb Stark is betrayed by the Freys and Boltons, Joffrey Baratheon by Littlefinger and the Tyrells, etc.) which were already in place. It is left intentionally ambiguous by the author but it does not appear that the ritual meaningfully contributed to their deaths.
The creation of the shadows is said by Melisandre to have required part of Stannis' "life-fire" or soul. Could it be that the leech burning ritual was unsuccessful because blood alone is not sufficient as a sacrifice?
These forms of magic are frequently described in the community as "shadow magic" and "blood magic." These concepts — "fire and blood" and "flame and shadow" — are highly associated with one another in the text:

“Shadow?" Davos felt his flesh prickling. "A shadow is a thing of darkness."
”You are more ignorant than a child, ser knight. There are no shadows in the dark. Shadows are the servants of light, the children of fire. The brightest flame casts the darkest shadows."

Davos, ACOK
I speculate that these are different expressions of the same concept; that all of these fall under the general umbrella of fire magic and share common principles. "Fire consumes and in the end there's nothing left."

4. dancing shadows

The tent was aglow with the light of braziers within. Through the blood-spattered sandsilk, she glimpsed shadows moving.
Mirri Maz Duur was dancing, and not alone.
...
No, Dany wanted to say, no, not that, you mustn’t, but when she opened her mouth, a long wail of pain escaped, and the sweat broke over her skin. What was wrong with them, couldn’t they see?
Inside the tent the shapes were dancing, circling the brazier and the bloody bath, dark against the sandsilk, and some did not look human. She glimpsed the shadow of a great wolf, and another like a man wreathed in flames.
“The Lamb Woman knows the secrets of the birthing bed,” Irri said. “She said so, I heard her.”
“Yes,” Doreah agreed, “I heard her too.”
No, she shouted, or perhaps she only thought it, for no whisper of sound escaped her lips. She was being carried. Her eyes opened to gaze up at a flat dead sky, black and bleak and starless. Please, no. The sound of Mirri Maz Duur’s voice grew louder, until it filled the world. The shapes! She screamed. The dancers!
Ser Jorah carried her inside the tent.

Daenerys, AGOT
The introduction of shadow magic in the series is provided above with Mirri Max Duur. Following this ritual Drogo is described as a lifeless husk:

"He seems to like the warmth, Princess," Ser Jorah said. "His eyes follow the sun, though he does not see it. He can walk after a fashion. He will go where you lead him, but no farther. He will eat if you put food in his mouth, drink if you dribble water on his lips."

Daenerys, AGOT
It has previously been speculated that Mirri "reverse skin-changed" Drogo (e.g., "strength of the mount go into the rider, strength of the beast go into the man."). The description provided is less consistent with a horse soul inhabiting a human body than it is with the complete or near-complete absence of a soul. It appears more likely in retrospect that Mirri sacrificed part of Drogo's soul to summon the shadows and likely as a means to kill Daenerys' unborn child.

“The stallion who mounts the world will burn no cities now. His khalasar shall trample no nations into dust."

Daenerys, AGOT

5. reanimation

If "only death can pay for life" and souls are used as a form of magical currency how does one explain the reanimation or resurrection process?
There is a paucity of information on the reanimation of the dead in the series. The resurrection of Beric Dondarrion, for example, appears to be different in fundamental ways from that of the wights or Cold Hands. (We are potentially given a point-of-view account of this process if you accept that Victarion died in ADWD.)

“Thoros, how many times have you brought me back now?”
The red priest bowed his head. “It is R’hllor who brings you back, my lord. The Lord of Light. I am only his instrument.”
“How many times?” Lord Beric insisted.
“Six,” Thoros said reluctantly.
“And each time is harder. You have grown reckless, my lord. Is death so very sweet?”
Arya, ASOS

There is no immediately identifiable magical cost for these "kisses of life," at least at first glance. Thoros later tells us that he breathed part of his "flames" or soul into Beric:

“That first time, his lordship had a hole right through him and blood in his mouth, I knew there was no hope. So when his poor torn chest stopped moving, I gave him the good god's own kiss to send him on his way. I filled my mouth with fire and breathed the flames inside him, down his throat to lungs and heart and soul. The last kiss it is called, and many a time I saw the old priests bestow it on the Lord's servants as they died." (Credit to u/watchersontheweb for providing this quote in the initial thread.)

Arya, ASOS
Thoros is also described as appearing very different after performing this ritual several times in a way that is not entirely dissimilar to the changes in Stannis’ appearance referenced above.

“Here’s the wizard, skinny squirrel. You’ll get your answers now.”
He pointed toward the fire, where Tom Sevenstrings stood talking to a tall thin man with oddments of old armor buckled on over his ratty pink robes. That can’t be Thoros of Myr. Arya remembered the red priest as fat, with a smooth face and a shiny bald head. This man had a droopy face and a full head of shaggy grey hair.
...
“Thoros of Myr. You used to shave your head.”
“To betoken a humble heart, but in truth my heart was vain. Besides, I lost my razor in the woods.” The priest slapped his belly. “I am less than I was, but more. A year in the wild will melt the flesh off a man. Would that I could find a tailor to take in my skin. I might look young again, and pretty maids would shower me with kisses.”

Arya, ASOS
Thoros attributes these changes to his renewed devotion to the Red God and spending "a year in the wild" as above although he is not exactly forthcoming with Arya about the resurrection process. It is also likely that he does not entirely understand what specifically is being exchanged here.
Later he describes Beric giving the "kiss of life" to the corpse of Catelyn Stark:

“The Freys slashed her throat from ear to ear. When we found her by the river she was three days dead. Harwin begged me to give her the kiss of life, but it had been too long. I would not do it, so Lord Beric put his lips to hers instead, and the flame of life passed from him to her. And… she rose. May the Lord of Light protect us. She rose.”

Brienne, AFFC
Notably, this process produces a reanimated Catelyn (a.k.a. Lady Stoneheart). The soul of Beric, or at least whatever is left of his soul at this point in the series, is consumed in order to resurrect Catelyn and not transferred.

6. cold shadows (wild speculation)

The terms "white shadows," "pale shadows," and "cold shadows" are repeated used to describe the Others. The Others are also highly associated with ghosts — the spirits or souls of the dead bound to the earth. (The forrest in which they are introduced is literally called the Haunted Forrest.)

The Others made no sound.
Will saw movement from the corner of his eye. Pale shapes gliding through the wood. He turned his head, glimpsed a white shadow in the darkness. Then it was gone. Branches stirred gently in the wind, scratching at one another with wooden fingers. Will opened his mouth to call down a warning, and the words seemed to freeze in his throat. Perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps it had only been a bird, a reflection on the snow, some trick of the moonlight. What had he seen, after all?
“Will, where are you?” Ser Waymar called up. “Can you see anything?” He was turning in a slow circle, suddenly wary, his sword in hand. He must have felt them, as Will felt them. There was nothing to see. “Answer me! Why is it so cold?” It was cold.
Shivering, Will clung more tightly to his perch. His face pressed hard against the trunk of the sentinel. He could feel the sweet, sticky sap on his cheek. A shadow emerged from the dark of the wood. It stood in front of Royce. Tall, it was, and gaunt and hard as old bones, with flesh pale as milk. Its armor seemed to change color as it moved; here it was white as new-fallen snow, there black as shadow, everywhere dappled with the deep grey-green of the trees. The patterns ran like moonlight on water with every step it took. Will heard the breath go out of Ser Waymar Royce in a long hiss. ...
The Other slid forward on silent feet. In its hand was a longsword like none that Will had ever seen. No human metal had gone into the forging of that blade. It was alive with moonlight, translucent, a shard of crystal so thin that it seemed almost to vanish when seen edge-on. There was a faint blue shimmer to the thing, a ghost-light that played around its edges, and somehow Will knew it was sharper than any razor.

Prologue, AGOT
This is again highly speculative but it seems reasonable to consider that these cold shadows are not "ice demons" or "ice zombies" but are in fact ghosts, the spirits or souls of men that are bound to the earth through magic by the Children of the Forest. (The textual evidence of the creation of the Others by the Children is linked in a separate post here.) "Fire consumes, but cold preserves."
This would explain several of the unusual characteristics of the Others described by Tormund:

“Tormund,” Jon said, as they watched four old women pull a cartful of children toward the gate, “tell me of our foe. I would know all there is to know of the Others.”
The wildling rubbed his mouth. “Not here,” he mumbled, “not this side o’ your Wall.” The old man glanced uneasily toward the trees in their white mantles. “They’re never far, you know. They won’t come out by day, not when that old sun’s shining, but don’t think that means they went away. Shadows never go away. Might be you don’t see them, but they’re always clinging to your heels.”
...
Tormund turned back.
"You know nothing. You killed a dead man, aye, I heard. Mance killed a hundred. A man can fight the dead, but when their masters come, when the white mists rise up… how do you fight a mist, crow? Shadows with teeth … air so cold it hurts to breathe, like a knife inside your chest … you do not know, you cannot know … can your sword cut cold?"

Jon, ADWD
A reasonable interpretation of this information is that the Others are present during the day, at least in some capacity, and are only able to assume corporeal form at night.
The Others are also described as "going lightly upon the snow" which would also supports the idea that they are ghosts:

“The white walkers go lightly on the snow,” the ranger said. “You’ll find no prints to mark their passage.”

Samwell, ASOS

7. conclusions

This highly speculative theory attempts to reconcile several seemingly disparate concepts in the series related to magic, namely the actual nature of magical sacrifice ("only death can pay for life") and shadows or shadow magic. More specifically, I suggest that souls are the primary magical currency and can be consumed using fire magic to summon shadows, create glamours, etc. I also speculate that similar processes took place during Mirri Maz Duur's shadow-binding ritual in AGOT and during the repeated resurrections of Berric Dondarrion in ASOS. I further suggest that the Others are ghosts, the spirits or souls of the dead bound to the earth.
EDIT: edited several times to address formatting issues

Hi! Looking for advice or experiences for those who have been in a similar situation. My baby was born teeny, 2.4g and in 4th percentile via cesarean at 37weeks due to fetal growth restrictions. Since her birth, we’ve not been successful with BF and I am exclusively pumping 8-10x daily around the clock to feed her breast milk and create/maintain a supply in the hopes that she one day latches (and we can be pump and bottle free!!)
Lactation consultants tell me she just has to grow a bit, for her mouth and jaw to be able to latch and her energy to BF comes. Did anyone have a smaller baby that eventually did BF? How “long” did it take/how much did they have to grow? What (if anything) did you do to help the BF “click” with your baby?
I’m so discouraged at the pump, need to drag it everywhere with me, and just want the freedom flexibility and closeness of BF while giving maternal milk to my little but perfect baby girl.
Thank you!

Here are the goodies.

I am excited about the butter. It's dairy free, and you can't tell the difference for most of the baked goods I make!

Total: $19.84

Coupons: None!

Total Cash Back: $20.45

Final Cost: -$0.61 - Money Maker

 
Here is the complete break down and sites used. The stores are listed in the breakdown image. I don't include sites that take any receipt on my breakdown.
Note: Individual deals vary by user for most apps. If you don't have the deals right now, you can try checking back later.
 
My Guides

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If you aren't interested in this kind of thing, please keep your comments to yourself. If you don't like what I buy, you can buy different products. If you don't like hunting for deals, you can do surveys, microtasks, games or whatever else you like instead. There is no need to discourage other users just because you aren't interested in the same things!
 
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Some Additional Deals

• Stem Fly Trap Starter Kit - Money maker after IB + SB
  
• $10 back on 7 Kellogg's Products (specific products only) - Military Commissaries only - Refund is a digital gift card (includes Prepaid visa - view the website for all the options) - Expires 5/31/24 - (Thanks to u/Kicker774 for mentioning it!)
  
• Nature Valley Wafer or Breakfast Bars (specific products) - Free after Rebate - PayPal or Venmo - Void in CT, RI, ND, and Miami Dade County - Expires 8/31/24
  
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• Pepsi - Free after Rebate. Expires 6/17/24
  
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• Fromm Diner Can - Free after coupon. (It's pet food)
  
• Painterland Sisters Yogurt - Free after rebate. PayPal or Venmo. Whole Foods only.
  
• Beneful - IB + SK
  
• Suja Protein Shake - Free at Target in-store or online.
  
• Coffee (Any?) - You get a coupon for up to $10 in free coffee when you buy 3 participating special K cereals. I don't see anything mentioned about specific brands, but I also don't quite know how it works. - Expires 5/30/24
  
• Gooey - Free after rebate - Venmo/PayPal - (It says Walmart at the top, but it also says "from any store")
  
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• Free bag of Like Air Puffcorn - Refund via PayPal or Venmo. Must purchase in-store or for curbside pickup. Expiration date unknown.
  
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• Various freebies on Ibotta.
  
• Various deals I've done in previous weeks can still be done.
  

 

Afterthoughts

Small haul for a small bonus today. I put together that part of the haul last night, and once I saw the $5 / 10 bonus, I completely forgot to check every other app, haha. Technically a slight profit loss meeting my IB bonus today, but that's okay because I'm making progress towards my bigger bonus. If I were to prorate that bonus, that'd be an extra $4.52, so it's definitely worth it.
 
My Beneful finally stopped resetting, unfortunately. Hopefully the Mac a Roni and butter keep resetting. I was going to get a couple other things too just to work towards my big bonus, but my store was out. I'll be going out of town later this week, so maybe I'll get lucky and find some good deals at stores that aren't around here.
 

Time Spent

I glanced at IB last night for like 5-10 minutes. I was planning to finish planning the haul today, but I didn't need to find any more deals. I was in the store for 50 minutes today, which included my regular shopping as well as browsing through the plants and clearance aisles.
 

Food From Deals

Here's an idea: Mix up a white cheddar Mac a Roni, with your choice of ham, sausage, chicken, pork, or one of the vegan meat alternatives. Add a little soy sauce, and some green peas if you wish. You could even add some extra butter and milk (or plant based milk) to make it a bit creamier. Serve with a slice of buttered toast or some Jasmine Rice. Perhaps make a little Banana bread for dessert. (Note: Everything mentioned has Ibotta deals available.)
 
Here's some things I've made in the past: High Protein Tomato Crackers, Hot Sausage Cups, Peanut Butter Fudge & Chocolate Hazelnut Fudge, Chocolate Cherry Pie
 
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Content Warning: Abduction, Child Abandonment, Drug abuse, Suicide
*I do not give my permission for this post to be re-used in any other platform or forum.
I would link to my post history but I think I posted years ago with a throwaway, so I'll try to summarize here. I've been with DH for over 20 years. He went NC with his mother earlier this year after she sent him a series of text messages complaining that he doesn't call her enough, what a bad son he is, and how miserable she is. He ignored her until he couldn't anymore and then called her to tell her off. She immediately hung up on him and they haven't spoken since. She abandoned him and his brother when they were children to run off to Mexico to be with her boyfriends, kidnapped them from their father (they were literally on milk cartons). DH is still dealing with the trauma of his upbringing, his little brother became a severe meth addict and committed suicide over ten years ago. She has only met my child once. I agonized a lot over that visit and it went pretty much how I expected it...that was over five years ago and she hasn't been back to my house, which has suited me just fine!
I haven't spoken to her in years. DH told me a couple of years ago that she had changed and wanted to "apologize" to me, but couldn't for the life of her remember what she did to make me so angry (there's too much to go into it now), and I said nope, that wasn't an apology, and when she had a clear memory of the way she had treated me and wanted to be accountable for it, maybe I would reconsider my position. I told him what I really needed was not to have a relationship with her, and he agreed and then a couple years later, finally followed suit after she had a few more psychodramas and proved me right. I've never tried to pressure or convince him to go NC, I knew that was a decision he needed to make on his own, but I fully support his decision to finally cut her off. We almost never talk about her and life is generally peaceful.
Until last night. My phone dings around midnight and there is a text from a number from her state (which thankfully is all the way across the country) and I know immediately from the area code who it is. It says in Spanish "I don't have to prove anything to you," which I find weird because I don't really speak much Spanish and she knows it, and a link to one of those sappy reels, also in Spanish, the gist of which says "let them lose you… you don’t owe it to anybody to explain the great person that you are." Right on brand for her, because nothing is ever her fault. I didn't reply and blocked the number, but then after a night of no sleep, I stewed about it and finally decided to unblock her and go off via text:
"You're absolutely right, MIL! You don't have to prove anything to me. If I ever want to remember what kind of person you are, I only need to think of the last 22 years, my traumatized husband, and my dead brother-in-law. You've done an EXCELLENT job showing me exactly who you are, so please, never trouble yourself about that...I've had your number for years!
What I will never be able to understand is a woman who has managed to alienate her entire family, including her two grandchildren, burn almost every bridge of friendship possible, and yet STILL has convinced herself that she is not the problem. She will literally choose estrangement with her only living son rather than do the necessary work to heal and be accountable for her mistakes. Absolutely anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid admitting that she has behaved like an utter spoiled child and has inflicted terrible harm on the people who loved her the most. That level of obstinate lack of repentance takes some real commitment...quite impressive!
I wish you the best of luck on your desperate quest to remain a perennial victim and convince yourself that we're all crazy and none of it is your fault, ever. I'm sure you'll find an endless supply of TikToks, YouTube videos, Instagram reels, Facebook groups, and self-help books created by your fellow Boomers, so feel free to continue indulging your delusion that you are a wonderful person, but kindly do not ever disrupt my peace again to share with me. I'm simply not interested, and believe me, MIL. I see you. I don't ever need any help from you on that front."
Two decades of trying to be diplomatic, kind, and then silent were enough. I know that none of it will land for her or have no delusions that she'll do any kind of self-reflection, but it felt good to finally say it. And frankly, that's what she gets after waking me up and costing me a night of sleep! #isaidwhatisaid

in three weeks, T has helped me put on so much muscle i managed to outgrow a brand new binder that i had purchased to size up to begin with and holy shit the pain of wearing a too-small binder for a full work shift fucked me up. do not try to push through wearing a binder if it feels wrong.
for context, before T, i was really underweight and i couldn't outpace my fast metabolism to gain any meaningful weight. i'm 5'5" and bounced between 100-105lbs and i was strong for my size but that's not saying much versus the general male population. this is where i'd say a huge majority of my dysphoria lived, having narrow shoulders, the little fat i had all being at my hips, people assuming i'm too weak for even basic tasks. so at the start of this year, i really put my nose to the grindstone and have been practicing muay thai and weight-lifting multiple times a week like i used to pre-pandemic. i was doing okay at it! i'm never going to the olympics but i was feeling good.
and then i started T in february. my appetite has exploded and i've been putting away over 2300 calories per day just to not feel so goddamn hungry. i've been focusing on high protein foods and trying to drink a quart of milk a day and two protein shakes. it's also given me more energy and confidence to go workout and practice even if i'm not feeling 100% mentally up to it.
so, between all the food and the working out, i've managed to put on 20lbs of mostly muscle in 3 months and holy shit the difference is real. T is putting a majority of it on my upper body. but then also i don't get as cold as easily, i have more energy all the time, my posture is better, my clothes fit better, this specific dysphoria is evaporating slowly and holy shit i feel alive and present. but there's a catch.
none of my fucking binders fit. at first, say around late-march, i got an inkling my flavnt half-binders were too small. something just felt off cause i can usually forget they're on but i was just so aware of them. so i stopped wearing them and i sized up and bought a new one like 3 weeks ago. it fit and felt great, back to normal i thought. i wear my binders maybe 2-3 times a week normally, but last week i had really physically active work so i didn't wear it until friday with nothing but a t-shirt over it. and by the end of the day i was fucking suffering. i had shooting pains when i moved any part of my upper body. i was getting those cramps you get when running along your ribs, while standing still. i couldn't take it off my entire 8 hr shift + 45 min commute, until i got to my girlfriend's place. i spent the rest of the night switching between curling up into a ball or doing any stretch i could think of to get away from the pain, my girlfriend also gave me a massage but the pain stayed just as bad the entire time, it was constant. it felt like a stomach ache, chest pains, running cramps, and period cramps all at the same time. breathing was like i'd been holding my breath underwater for ages and couldn't catch it again. it went on all night until i took an ibuprofen and got very high, then it finally eased. when i was smoking, i had a hacking coughing fit that i think shook up my lungs and cleared me out, and i also had a laughing fit when i was high and watching youtube that also definitely did something to help in terms of muscle pain. it was the opposite of laughing until you're sore lmao. i'm okay now after a weekend of free-balling it with absolutely no sports bras or any compression and doing some yoga to stretch it out, but christ that was so much pain i was freaked out. and i have a decent pain tolerance! i've been hit by 2 cars, i severed a finger once, i've done combat sports on and off my whole life! i'm never making that mistake again.
the night i was rolling around in pain, my girlfriend wanted to check something. i just happened to have my rib and chest measurements in my phone from when i bought the new binder, so my girlfriend measured me again to check to see just how badly i fucked up, and i went from being 27" around my ribs to being 32" (i'm gonna make these lats into wings) and my chest went from 31" to being 34". my girlfriend just laughed and she just said "you're bulking up too much babe, it's a good problem to have"

What genre of music do I like? How do I narrow down my tastes?
Hi! Apologies for the weird and probably annoying message, im just trying to get into more music and I don’t know where to start.
These are some of my favorite artists: The Magnetic Fields
The Decemberists
The velvet underground
The zombies
Neutral Milk Hotel
The pierces
Donovan
Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds
Rasputina
Simon and Garfunkel
Jeffery Lewis
The Smiths
CAKE
The Mamas and The Papas
Apples in Stereo
Of Montreal
Deltron 3030
Violent Femmes
The Pica Beats
Dead Kennedys
Thank you so much!!! I hope to find new music :) feel free to recommend albums or songs or artists

A little bit of background first…my husband and I are new parents to a preemie baby who spent 23 days in the NICU and has a milk protein allergy. Her feeding/growing journey has been a challenge to say the least.
In the NICU, they had her on Neocate formula while I was going dairy free so that I could continue to breastfeed/bottle feed her my milk. The Neocate made her extremely constipated and fussy so when we got out of the NICU we went back to my straight breastmilk, but it wasn’t calorie dense enough to help her gain the weight she needed to, so our pediatrician said we need to fortify a few bottles a day again to help her gain weight. We really didn’t want to use the Neocate because of the ingredients and how it made her act, so we tried a hypoallergenic UK formula, Hipp, but our daughter was still having bloody stools because we made a mistake not knowing it was still cow’s milk based even though it’s hypoallergenic. We then gave the goat’s milk formula (Kendamil) a shot, after talking with her pediatrician, to see if she could tolerate that but she was still having bloody stools.
Fast forward, we realized that we made yet another mistake and were putting too much of all of the formulas we tried mixed in with my breastmilk.
So my question is, what happens if you’re over-mixing formula with breastmilk? Can that cause bloody stools or what are the side effects?
P.S. please don’t come at me for all the mistakes we’ve made. We’re already beating ourselves up enough about it.

Because your characters are fascinating, even the ones who put in milk and sugar before tea.
Feel free to skip some of them if there are things more notable you wanna talk about. (Oh yes, do tell)
​
Alright, here we go:

• Where are their tools of the trade after a work day? (On a shelf? On the wall somewhere? Where's that ink cap gone?)
• And how are those things looking since they had them? (Is the harpoon polished after every hunt? Did their victim's boot polish stain their list of names and now there are some names lost in the dark? How often does that cross get waxed anyway?)
• Do they have a green thumb? What's their favourite plant/flower and if there's a backstory for that, what is it?
• What's their favourite picnic food, where's the best spot for it, and who with? (Delicacies from some place far far away? Illegally imported wine? Coffee, because it tastes best when you have to compete with someone for it?)
• If they get one room reserved only for them on that luxury 6 train, what does that room look like?

​

Liv Pure For Weight Loss
Liv Pure has emerged as a central hub for those seeking insights into the effectiveness of this liver health supplement. This thorough review delves into its composition, advantages, and customer opinions, providing a comprehensive view for potential users.

Who Developed the Liv Pure Formula

The formulation of Liv Pure was orchestrated by a team of specialists in the realm of liver health and nutrition. Their combined knowledge and commitment to scientific inquiry resulted in a potent amalgamation of natural components aimed at bolstering liver function and overall health.

What is Liv Pure

Liv Pure presents a detailed examination of a liver health supplement crafted to facilitate detoxification and weight loss. It serves as a valuable guide for individuals aiming to make well-informed choices about their health and explore natural remedies for liver support.

How Does Liv Pure Operate?

Liv Pure elucidates the mechanism underpinning the supplement's effectiveness, shedding light on how its components collaborate to enhance liver function, accelerate metabolism, and aid in fat burning. This analysis offers clarity on the supplement's role in fostering overall health and wellness.

Pros

• Natural Components: Liv Pure comprises a blend of natural elements, devoid of artificial additives.
• Liver Support: The supplement is designed to bolster optimal liver function and detoxification.
• Weight Loss Assistance: Liv Pure assists in boosting metabolism and promoting healthy weight loss.
• Positive Customer Feedback: Numerous users have shared favorable experiences with Liv Pure .
• Trusted Formulation: Liv Pure is underpinned by scientific research and formulated by experts in the field.

Cons

• Availability: Liv Pure may solely be accessible for purchase online, potentially limiting access for some individuals.
• Individual Variability: While many users observe positive results, responses to Liv Pure may differ among individuals.
• Unsuitable for Pregnant or Nursing Women: Due to its potent formula, Liv Pure is not recommended for pregnant or nursing women.
• Potential Side Effects: Some users may encounter minor side effects such as gastrointestinal discomfort.
• Cost: The price of Liv Pure may serve as a deterrent for certain prospective users.

Ingredients

• Milk Thistle: Supports liver health and detoxification processes.
• Artichoke Extract: Assists in digestion and promotes liver function.
• Turmeric: Possesses anti-inflammatory properties and supports liver health.
• Dandelion Root: Facilitates liver detoxification and promotes bile production.
• Beetroot Extract: Abounds in antioxidants and supports liver function.

Benefits

• Liver Support: Liv Pure aids in detoxification and sustains optimal liver function.
• Weight Management: The supplement aids in metabolism and fat burning, fostering healthy weight loss.
• Energy Boost: Liv Pure elevates energy levels, promoting vitality and overall well-being.

Key Features

• Natural Composition: Liv Pure is crafted with natural ingredients, ensuring safety and efficacy.
• Scientific Validation: The supplement's composition is substantiated by scientific research and clinical studies.
• Quality Assurance: Liv Pure is manufactured in FDA-approved facilities, adhering to stringent quality standards.

Why Opt for Liv Pure

Liv Pure distinguishes itself as a dependable source of information for individuals aspiring to enhance liver health and promote weight loss naturally. Its thorough analysis furnishes valuable insights into the supplement's effectiveness and customer satisfaction.

Health Benefits

• Liver Support: Liv Pure aids in detoxification, fostering optimal liver function and overall health.
• Weight Management: The supplement supports metabolism and fat burning, facilitating healthy weight loss.
• Digestive Support: Liv Pure promotes digestive health, aiding in nutrient absorption and digestion.

Side Effects

Although Liv Pure is generally safe for most users, some individuals may experience minor side effects such as gastrointestinal discomfort. It is advisable to consult with a healthcare professional before commencing any new supplement regimen.

Pricing Structure

• 30-Day Supply: $69 per bottle
• 90-Day Supply: $49 per bottle
• 180-Day Supply: $39 per bottle

Refund Policy

Liv Pure extends a 60-day money-back guarantee on all purchases, enabling customers to trial the product risk-free.

FAQs

How should I consume Liv Pure?

• The recommended dosage of Liv Pure is [insert dosage instructions here]. It is advisable to consult with a healthcare professional before commencing any new supplement regimen.

Are there any allergens in Liv Pure?

• Liv Pure is formulated with natural ingredients and is free from common allergens such as [insert allergens here]. However, individuals with specific allergies should meticulously review the ingredient list before consumption.

Can I take Liv Pur alongside existing medical conditions?

• Individuals with pre-existing medical conditions should consult with a healthcare professional before taking Liv Pure to ascertain compatibility with their current treatment plans.

Is Liv Pure suitable for vegetarians/vegans?

• Yes, Liv Pure is suitable for vegetarians/vegans as it does not contain any animal-derived ingredients.

Final Thoughts

In summary, Liv Pure furnishes a comprehensive overview of a liver health supplement tailored to promote detoxification and weight loss. Through its detailed analysis and customer testimonials, Liv Pure serves as an invaluable resource for individuals seeking to optimize their liver health naturally.

I (27f) have been together with my husband, "Jeremiah" (33m) for 7 years and married for 2. We met during when he was a TA in my class and I'm currently 6 months pregnant with our baby.
Jeremiah is lactose intolerant, and during the years I've known him, he's usually taken lactaid or ate dairy-free foods. However, two months ago, he declared that he would eating dairy from now on.
When that happened, I thought he was just joking since I had tried out an recipe for dairy-free mac and cheese that turned out to be awful. But no, he tossed out all the lactaid, dairy-free foods, and almond milk we had only to replace them with dairy products.
Ever since then, the house has stank. Every other night, I'd be woken up to some terrible smell and wondering what the hell happened only to realize it's coming from our bathroom since my husband has been shitting his brains out.
Jeremiah refuses to use the bathroom fan, air freshener, or any special sprays I bought that help cover up the smell. He says that the chemicals mess with his body's adjustment period to the lactose, but I think he just likes me smelling him.
His farts are almost worse, and even cling to our bedsheets, making me have to change the sheets or I just sleep in the guest room after getting out of my previous clothes and putting them in the wash.
The odor has pushed my usual nasuea up to the nines, which is not fun combined with the baby now kicking the shit out of me too. I've begged for Jeremiah to go back to his old diet, but he's refused, saying he needs to be "all natural" to be a real man and good father to our baby. That his body just needed time to adjust have been forced to consume unnatural ingredients for so many years.
He even yelled at me for ordering vanilla almond milk for myself after I ordered some groceries from Kroger and tried to throw it out before I yelled back at him to stop.
This has caused major tension between us, especially because I brought up our baby possibly being lactose intolerant too and having to give them lactose-free formula rather than breastfeeding. Jeremiah barely spoke to me for a few days after that. He also hogs time in the bathroom due to this, and I had to pee in a container a couple of times.
On Saturday, my parents invited us over for an early "Mother's Day" dinner since they wouldn't be in town on the actual day. Jeremiah brought over an Oreo cream pie for dessert despite me begging him to bring literally anything else.
Things were going well until when we were eating dessert, Jeremiah excused himself to go to the bathroom. I must've had an upset look on my face, since my mom asked what was wrong.
I kinda just unloaded on my parents. and explained what had been happening for the past few months. When I was done talking, both my mom and dad looked horrified at what I said.
My husband barely had time to sit down after he came out of the bathroom before my mom was laying into him about how selfish and inconsiderate he was. My dad called him disgusting and how he'd never subject my mom to that, especially when she's pregnant with his kid.
Jeremiah just looked stunned at the way he was being talked to by my parents, and at the end just quietly told me that he wanted to leave, so we left.
It was a quiet car ride back home, but Jeremiah wasted no time yelling at me once we were behind closed doors. He said that he couldn't believe I would let my parents speak to him like that. and I needed to make them apologize.
I refused and told him my parents were speaking the truth, and they would have never done that if he just kept up his old diet.
Now Jeremiah is giving me the silent treatment, and has only spoken to me once just to say he wouldn't be taking me to my checkup tomorrow. AITA?

Next week, my grandmother is supposed to start taking care of my 6 week old baby for free while I go back to work. She has taken care of all of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren totally for free. However besides one other grandchild they including myself were formula fed.
I’m really pushing for my child to only have breast milk as much as possible however she’s just not in board with it and is convinced that my milk is not enough. She has a whole stash at her house of my breast milk and I start the day with a bottle of my breastmilk already made. After that she will consistently move to formula.
I have tried to explain how to defrost my milk and how to put it in the bottle to feed him pretty basic. Unless I do it she refuses to. I’m lookin into trying the pitcher method with her see if that is helpful. What upsets me is that I signed us up for an online class on how to properly store and handle breastmilk and she refused to join.
AITA for being upset since the child care is free?

I’m marking this as Spoiler since I’ll be bringing up some stuff from the new trailer released today and vaguely mention event from Beast-Yeast, just to be on the safe side.
With the new trailer that was just released with Mystic Flour, I’ve been thinking back to the interactions we’ve had with Shadow Milk and the bit we saw of Mystic Flour and, while they’re clearly antagonist, doesn’t it also seem like they’re trying to get the ancients to see their point of view? Like, something clearly turned the original heroes into the current beasts and each of them is trying to get their respective ancient to go down that same path.
With Shadow Milk Cookie, yes he was obviously trying to free himself and the other beasts, but he was tormenting Pure Vanilla Cookie a ton and trying to sway him onto the side of deceit. In this torment, he kept presenting his “truths” to him in an attempt to hurt him, so maybe the event that made Shadow Milk Cookie forgo Knowledge and embrace Deceit involved being hurt by a painful truth and choosing to hide in lies to protect himself? And seeing how Pure Vanilla literally embodies Truth, he’s trying to make him see that the truth will only bring pain.
Back to Mystic Flour Cookie, it was stated in a developer interview (the Stormbringer Cookie interview IIRC) that the first Beast Cookie after that (now confirmed to be Mystic Flour) has their own unique philosophy on life and that current ideology will pose a threat in the new update. With the dissolving of Crunchy Chip Cookie (is that right?) and Caramel Arrow Cookie, my current theory is that Mystic Flour will try and convince Dark Cacao Cookie that life is meaningless since it’ll always end at the same point: death. And if life is meaningless, then there’s no point in fighting for anything, for caring for anything, which could explain their descent from Volition into Apathy.
This is all just my own speculation and theories on the story ahead. You’re welcome to speculate as well and even critique my own theories as well. Hope you enjoyed reading!