As the title suggests, I know very little about league.
I want to learn and be competent when playing with my friends, and I figured the best way to learn is to completely devote myself to one champion. I’ve played a lot of ARAM so I can at least see other champions, but Rammus is the guy I’d like to learn. He’s just a silly armadillo that says “Ok”, that’s Peak performance right there.
So I have a few questions from my limited knowledge over the past month.
1: When you’re going against exclusively casters where your armor won’t matter, how do you play this character?
2: when playing a real game, how do you play this guy? Do you support? Top lane? I know for damn sure you’re not running around the jungle with this guy.
3: I had the misfortune of supporting a very toxic Misfortune. I was trying to bump the minions so she could get the final blow, but she wasn’t shooting at all and then yelled no support, wanted to concede the game, then left me alone bot lane the whole game. This was my first real game… How do I support as Rammus?

1. I am legally required to get the Rammus “OK” emote, right?
   
2. What’s the go-to default build? I don’t know very many of the items in the game, so I just get boots and armor, then start building things towards more armor stats, but I feel like I am very slow to scale in a real game.
   

Any other tips and tricks would be very helpful!
UPDATE:
Did my game night with the boys, lost both games but I ended up being the most lethal on my team game two! My first game I kept being on the wrong side of the map to gank, I’d be taking out the camps in top when bot lane was pinging for help. So sequencing my camps will be crucial. I also did Raptor, red, Stones, then recalled instead of full clearing, which was a mistake, but I learned a lot in those two games!

Plot

The Lion Guard encounters two gorilla princes named Majinuni and Hafifu who have a message for Simba on behalf of their father King Sokwe of the Theluji Mountains. However, the gorilla brothers have forgotten the message. Simba explains to Kion that every wet season, Sokwe gives Simba a message to let him know if their peace treaty still stands. The guard goes back to the mountain to get the message with the gorilla brothers, who are reluctant to face their father. On the way, Kion, Bunga, Fuli, Ono, and Beshte experience snow for the first time.

Song: "Kuishi Ni Kucheka"
Pros
-First of all, I didn't even know what pangolins were until I saw this episode. And I never would've guessed that they spray stink sap when they're threatened. I thought they would roll into balls, similar to armadillos and hedgehogs, because they have armour on their backs. The Lion Guard is teaching me new animal facts.
-Call me childish if you want to, but, I'm 20 years old and I love fart jokes. The pangolins farting scene was funny to me as a 13 year old, and is still funny now. I'm sorry if this is an unpopular opinion.
-"You drop it, Hafifu! This one's a real stinker!" Hafifu, in response, "I know you are, but, what is it?" I can't how much these two crack me up with their brotherly banter, playful personality and fun loving, goofball antics. I love these two, and they are not obnoxious or unbearable, to me.
-Kion being able to pin down two teenaged gorillas, simultaneously, with ease, is both funny and interesting, but also kind of believable. From a plot stand point, Kion has been fighting vicious predators this whole time, and Hafifu and Majinuni have presumably never been in a real fight before and they've also never met the Lion Guard before, so they're unaware of their fighting styles. Plus, Kion is nearly as big as them already.
-Majinuni: "Oh hello! Have we met?" Hafifu: "Would you mind not standing on us?" Guys, try and tell me this isn't funny. It's freaking hilarious because out of nowhere, Kion just tackled them to the ground with ease.
-Bunga is so much Hafifu and Majinuni, and I love him too. "These gorilla-dillas are my kinda guys!" I love it he makes up names for animals.
-I love the worldbuilding aspect of this episode. The idea of Simba and King Sokwe, of the Mountain Gorillas, forming a lion and gorilla alliance is interesting and cool. It's fascinating to see the societies outside the Pride Lands. It's also interesting because it's one of the few times we see Simba do something useful in this series. It means that the lions and gorillas have to aid each other when help is required, or else the treaty is broken.
-Also, how many of you want to bet King Sokwe actually has messengers in his kingdom that have always delivered the peace treaty to Simba, or maybe Zazu is Simba's royal advisor, but also travels between the Pride Lands and the Theluji Mountains to deliver the message. And than King Sokwe's sons just volunteered to deliver his message.
-I've seen arguments for "Why doesn't Simba go and find King Sokwe, himself?" I honestly think Simba tries to remain at Pride Rock as much as possible so he can keep an eye on things in the Pride Lands, and so the likes of Janja's clan and Reirei's pack, can't come in while Lion Guard are away. I don't think Simba is being a lazy king.
-The Theluji Mountains makes me think of where on Earth The Lion King franchise is meant to be. My first thought was Kilimanjaro in Tanzania & Kenya. However, after doing some research I learned that the Theluji Mountains are based on the real life Rwenzori Mountains of eastern equatorial Africa, on the border of Uganda and the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Gorillas are actually native to Ugandu. If we assume that the Pride Lands is set in mid-to-western Kenya, then it means the Lion Guard went on a fair trek to the Gorilla Kingdom.
-"We've only down the mountain once." "And we rolled most of the way down." I love the Gorilla Bros' for their playful and goody disposition. I think it's quite endearing because they can't be much older than the Lion Guard, so, I like the fact that they get to have fun.
-I love the random cuteness on the way to The Gorilla Kingdom. For example, the very realistically animated chameleon which prompts Hafifu and Majinuni to play "Chameleon Hide & Seek". We wouldn't see another chameleon again until "Undercover Kinyonga" in Season 2. I love the landscape that they are going through along the way.
-Kion Vs. The Forest Hog was awesome. As a lion cub, he shouldn't really be able to pin down a rampaging forest hog with ease, but, I think it works in this situation because this dude is the Fiercest Creature around and the Leader of the Lion Guard. I'm not surprised that Kion has a way of being able to fight animals that are much bigger than him. Plus, the Forest Hog decides to backdown immediately, so he's probably not a villain, he probably just got overly excited and went into a rage. I wouldn't call him evil, he's just highly territorial more than anything.
-I actually Mackucha would've been a good adversity for them. Perhaps if he were hunting in a new location and had threatened to hunt the gorillas, and then the Lion Guard have to stop him. I think that would've been cool because Mackucha is already a bad guy. But, this episode works fine without him, in my opinion.
-"Did you just say the spirit of the forest hog?" I can't stress how funny Hafifu and Majinuni are, in this situation. Why on Earth can everyone hate them. I think they're quite endearing rather than annoying.
-King Sokwe is a cool worldbuilding character. He's one of my favourite characters to headcanon about. I actually have a headcanon about him having met and befriended a Young Mufasa, Scar, Sarabai, Zira and Zazu, when they were kids, and forming an alliance with the lions. Then, Scar broke the alliance when he took over the Pride Lands. There was animosity for a while between lions and gorillas, until Simba restored the peace again when he took the throne. During the episode, Simba tells Kion that King Sokwe sends him a peace treaty every Wet Season, probably to make sure he has no plans to break the peace, like Scar.
-I love Hafifu and Majinuni, by the way. I think they get too much hate. They're funny, entertaining, lovable, friendly, sweet, cheerful and loyal, and most importantly they're insecure and are trying build a better relationship with their father. I laughed at their over the top, crazy, funny antics and their games. Plus, I think Kion and his friends need a chance to be kids again too. But, also, we find out that behind The Gorilla Bros' idiotic exterior, is a deep rooted insecurity and anxiety that they will make their father proud, and that he will never see them as "prince material". I found it interesting when they finally told the Lion Guard about what they are worried about.
-I love how, despite getting annoyed at Hafifu and Majinuni for wasting time and procrastinating on purpose, Kion softens around them after a while, and shows empathy towards them. I like this because we've already seen Kion express concerns over letting Simba down or disappointing him, so, I like the fact that he empathises with Hafifu and Majinuni and encourages to act like a prince, in order to feel like a prince. I think it fits with his character to realise that something is up with them, and to be understanding towards them, over his own internal conflicts.
-I don't even mind the British accents on them. I think it's good to have something different. Jasiri has a Australian accent, as does Madoa, Thurston has a posh Londoner accent (btw, it was just an American doing a faux British accent), Mzingo has a Northern British accent. I like Hafifu and Majinuni's accents, I think it's a good way to show that they're Pride Lands' foreigners. I didn't know that they were voiced by YouTube Stars, Dan Howell and Phil Lester, until years after this episode had premiered. I don't if it's something that every 13 year old should know, but, I have just not watched Dan and Phil at all. But, I don't even mind their impersonations as much as other Lion Guard fans. There are far worse celebrities that have been in other stuff. Lucas Cruikshank as Fred Figglehorn on Nickelodeon's Fred: The Show, was a huge red flag. Hafifu and Majinuni feel more mellowed out, in my opinion.
-I love how Beshte is the first one to realise that Hafifu and Majinuni are hiding something, behind their idiocy. He really is a true sweetheart, and the true big-hearted member of the Lion Guard. Plus, I've always thought Beshte was the most emotionally mature one of the group.
-Snow in Africa? Yes, this is real thing that occurs at the top of certain Mountain Ranges across the African continent. Rwenzori Mountains is one of them.
-I love the scene where the Lion Guard discover snow for the first time and the joys of playing in it. Any opportunity where Kion and his friends get to act like kids, I'm a big fan of. I love it when they get to have fun for a while because they need to have fun, as children and all that. I also don't snow a lot where I'm from, so I like any film or TV show where the characters play in snow.
-I love the snowball fight scene with Hafifu and Majinu Vs. The Lion Guard. Because kids like to have snowball fights in real life. It's a very feel-good, wholesome little montage.
-I love their motto "Kuishi Ni Kucheka" (meaning "To live is to laugh"). I love it because I don't think you should live life being serious all the day, because then you'll miss out on having fun and having a laugh with your friends. And the song was composed and performed by Beau Black who wrote the Lion Guard Chorus. I love his music. I love the message behind this song. Why on Earth does nobody talk about it? It definitely has "Hakuna Matata" vibes in it. I like it because it reminds children and adults to live life with a positive attitude.
-Also reason #10 why I think Hafifu and Majinuni are severely underrated. Kion literally almost died in this episode, after accidentally sliding down the mountain and dangling from an icy cliff. But, who stepped in, the Gorilla bros, of course. I respected them even more when they actually took the initiative and performed an act of heroism. I know this was a situation the called for them, but still, I'm glad they got a chance to shine and they've showed the Lion Guard and also us that they can be really brave, daring and quick-thinking when they want to be.
-That moment is a defining moment for both of Hafifu and Majinuni and afterwards, Kion tells them that pulling off a rescue like that is what a prince would do.
-Speaking of Kion's fall and near-death experience, that was a little dark for Season 1. Season 2 is where the tone-shift kicks itself off the ground, but, this moment from Season 1 was a little dark. To see Kion nearly fall to his death is utterly terrifying and very risky for a Disney Junior. A little of foreshadowing, I suppose. Obviously, I was old enough to know that the writers were never going to kill off the protagonist, but, imagine being a little 4 or 5 year old and then seeing that. But, I like it because it challenges the younger audiences. Plus, it made the scene exciting for older audiences.
-Finally, they got to King Sokwe's hideout. I love King Songwe, by the way. He's so cool and so spectacularly animated. He looks so menacing, but, he's actually a real sweetheart. I love his brusque, intimidating exterior because, in real life, a lot of people think that gorillas are dangerous and scary, but, they're actually friendly, except when they are threatened by vicious predators, or other male gorillas. Reason #1 as to why I think he'd get along with Mufasa. A "big stern, menacing guy who's very playful and goofy deep down".
-Majinuni and Hafifu spent half the episode worried about never making their father proud and him constantly being disappointed in them, only for him to dump snow on their heads and say, "Kuishi Ni Kucheka", before commending them for saving Kion's life. Anyways, I love that behind menacing facade is loving father who's as dopey and silly as his boys. I loved John Rhys-Davies voicing him.
-I love the scene where Kion hesitates to give Simba the message, not wishing to upset his father, only for Simba to demand it. Just then, Bunga dumps a large snowball all over Simba's head. I love how Simba appears angry with them, but, then laughs and says "Ah, King Sokwe. No one delivers a peace message like him," making the Lion Guard laugh. I like this slice-of-life, goofy twist ending where Simba is aware of how silly and goofy the Gorilla men really are and takes it up well. Also, the snowball that was meant for Uncle Timon actually to Bunga's "brother" in the end.
Cons
-I wish we learned more about the Lion/Gorilla alliance in this episode or in other episodes of the series. I don't feel like there was enough information given about Simba and King Sokwe's alliance or about the history between the Pride Lands' lions and the mountain gorillas. I wish the writers spent more time on Simba telling Kion about the history, like maybe how his grandfather Mufasa formed an alliance previously, that Scar broke and how Simba, himself fixed it. Or maybe King Sokwe could've been the one to tell the Lion Guard about the alliance.
-This is sadly another early season episode that expands on the Lion King universe, only to forget about these characters later on and never mention or show them ever again. King Sokwe gets mentioned one other time in "Beshte and the Beast", but, never his sons. I actually think they could've been useful in "Battle for the Pride Lands", alongside Shujaa because they've shown that they have potential to be brave and strong. But, unfortunately this is another case of worldbuilding that the writers choose to ignore. It's sad because we could've seen the Gorilla Kingdom get more fleshed out. Meet Hafifu and Majinuni's mother, gorilla cultures and societies, army, etc. I think they could've used again in The Accidental Avalanche, instead of the snow monkeys.
-As much as I find Hafifu and Majinuni to be overly hated by the fandom, I think, when Kion was in danger of falling, they could've left that whole "goofy, competitive side" behind and actually went to save Kion without turning it into a game and a race to the bottom. I mean, seriously, this is a life or death situation and they decided to make it a game. Kion wouldn't have started falling if the Princes hadn't crashed into each other, at the bottom. Also, I find it hard to believe that the Princes would forget the message for Simba in the first place. If they just have to dump a snowball on top of him, which was King Sokwe's message, and the Princes love throwing snowballs. I can't work out by they forget to bring snow into the Pride Lands with them.
-Also, a very minor nit-pick I have is that I think the animators spent way too much time on "Kion's fall". They did not need to show him falling all the way down the mountain, and they did not need to show the Princes sliding all the way down. The animation is beautiful don't get me wrong (which is why I'm not going to take a point off), but, I think they could've shortened down to 15 seconds or something, and then showed Hafifu and Majinuni quickly rescuing him, then, we could've had more time to learn about the Lion/Gorilla alliance.
Overall
I thoroughly enjoyed revisiting this episode. I have a hard time believing why it's as hated as it is by the fandom. I think Hafifu and Majinuni are endearing more than they are annoying, like Bunga, except for that scene that I said could've been more serious. I don't like the fact that they got shoved into the background for the rest of the series and never shown again. I loved the worldbuilding and have come up with several headcanons, but, I'm still sad that we never heard from them again. I thought Kion's dynamic with the Princes was endearing and sweet since he can relate to them. I liked their dynamic with their father at the end, where it's relieved that no matter who you are you'll never be ashamed of your kids, like they thought. I love King Sokwe and how he looks terrifying but, is actually really nice. I love the Lion/Gorilla alliance. The snow scene was adorable and I loved the music. I liked the message behind "Kuishi Ni Kucheka". The design on the gorillas is really cool and awesome. Not the best, most spectacular episode, but, a good laid-back sort of episode. I'll give it 6/10. I can still appreciate it for what it is.

I be on social media and I also do content on the side but anyways sometimes I see posts on Instagram and other social media about income and jobs. Like oh “I do door to door sales, I made this much etc “ or just something that’s not the normal 9-5 job basically just anything. And then you click the comments of the IG reel and the person says “get a real job” and then it starts a whole arguments in the comments lol
The reality is there’s no such thing as a “real job”. If it makes any type of Income it’s a real job, silly bandz were literally multicolor animal/object shaped bracelets for the younger folks and sold millions. Those things were a whole trend. Now the guy who created silly banz is rich. You can literally get rich off anything in this world, if it can be sold it can be a job. You don’t even have to be rich off of it but you get the point
I don’t get the brainwashed American culture where everybody thinks having a “professional job title” is the end all be all, it’s not! People too focused on sounding successful by having this job title or this degree when in reality all that actually matters is if you make income off of it. Your job title could be juiced up to sound all fancy but does it actually make income? Who knows
You could be a garbage man for all I cared if you’re making great money than it’s a real job.

Synopsis: It turns out both you and your cute roomie can't sleep, so she decides to simply curl up in your lap and snuggle into you. I have my doubts this will end with either of you getting any sleep tonight, though-
As always, feel free to use this, monetization is okay, but I'd like to get notified when you adapt one of my scripts. I'd like to hear what you make of it. Light editing (including gender-swapping) is fine as long as it doesn't mutilate the overall script. And please credit me as the author of the script as that aids me on my path to world domination. Constructive comments and criticism welcome!
If you liked this script, check out my other ones: https://www.reddit.com/useShynosaucomments/xkw3hn/complete_list_of_my_scripts/
​
[tired voice, yawn] Ah, what time is it? Oh, goodness! Hey, buddy, you still up, too? What's up? Yeah, me too. Can you tell me who randomly decided that we all have to go to bed in the evening and rise early in the morning and if we don't, we are lazy slackers and utterly disreputable people? Like, I'd like to have a word with that guy, cos this whole concept does not align with my biology, like, at all!
Yeah, buddy, I've tried! I simply don't get tired before midnight. No, this has nothing to do with me drinking coffee at night! Don't you worry about me! I drink so much of this stuff, by now my body has built up such a high tolerance to caffeine that I can consume amounts of espresso that would kill a normal person. Frankly, at this point they would probably kill a hippopotamus.
Pah, like you're one to talk! I mean, you are still up, too! What'cha doing? Oh, come on, don't gimme that! If you're just reading the news, then what do you need the headphones for? You're listening to those weird YouTube videos again, aren't you? Okay, let's see what you got there! [short struggle] Uh-uh, give me! Come on! Aaaand here we go! [Surprised] Oh! “Your Non-Binary Armadillo-Person Food Delivery Driver Comforts You For Having Binge-Eating Attacks”? Okay, I guess that was enough ASMR for you today. Nope, I'm not giving it back! You went way too far down the roleplay audio rabbit hole and somebody has to pull you out of there again!
No, buddy, it doesn't help you fall asleep! If it did, then why would you still be awake at this hour? They're not working, buddy! Oh, I don't believe one word you say! You've probably already been listening to half a dozen of these and you're still awake! Okay, then let's check your YouTube history, shall we? Oh wow, that got you going! Why? What you got in there? What's so bad you don't want me to see it? Hmm, let's see! Ooh! “Your Shy Bunny Girl Childhood Best Friend Wants To Cuddle You During A Thunderstorm”. Nice! “Surprise Cuddles From Your Assertive Secret Agent Cheerleader Neighbour” - Wait, she's a secret agent and a cheerleader? But how does she hide her gadgets and weapons in that skimpy outfit? This is utterly unrealistic!
Man, why do you even listen to these videos? Like, don't you ever wanna snuggle with a real person? Like whom? Well, how about- [bed squeaking]
Hey, what is it? Well, what does it look like I'm doing? I'm curling up in your lap, silly. I mean, I can't sleep, you can't sleep – it's just the obvious thing to do, isn't it? Okay, I'm not a bunny girl, but I'm cute too, am I not? And you can stroke my ears if you want to. Hey! Keep still! I'm trying to find a comfy position and you are not making it easier by fidgeting around like that. What is it?
Huh? Uh-uh, I won't! I have invaded your lap, it is now mine by right of conquest. And I know my annexation of your lap is not recognized by the international community; I don't care! I will simply hold a sham referendum where I force the lawful owner of this lap to legitimize my occupation. Hey, wait, that would be you! So, do you recognize my dominion over this lap? No? Well, I guess then I will have to oppress the opposition and use cuddles and tickles to bow them to my will! [mean giggle, rustling sounds] Oh, wait! Now would you look at that! It appears that from the depths of this lap we are facing some kind of uprising! My, my, I wouldn't have expected quite such a hard and sturdy response. [giggles]
Oh, come on, no need to get embarrassed! I mean, don't get me wrong, it's super fun to tease you and see how you get all flustered and stuff, but right now I'm tired and just want to cuddle.
Hey, what are you doing? Can you please cut it out? I just found the perfect comfy spot and you keep on trying to shake me of. That's super-mean of you! For real now!
Hey, what is it? I'm sorry? “Your” lap? Buddy, I think we just established that this is now my lap. The best I can offer you is shared custody. You can have our lap on every second Tuesday in months starting with a B, the rest of the time this here is my lap and I will curl up in it and cuddle whenever the heck I feel like it! And now stop complaining and stroke my hair! What do you mean, “why?” Because hair stroking feels nice and you want me to be comfortable and have a peaceful and refreshing sleep in your lap. Yes, you do! Okay, maybe you don't yet know that you do, but believe me, you do! You want me to be comfy and cozy and happy, because my happiness is the most important thing in the whole world to you! Yes, it is! Oh, seriously, why do you keep disagreeing with me? I mean, I wouldn't mind all that much, but apparently you cannot simultaneously disagree with me and stroke my hair, and I know which one I like better, so could you please-
Huh? You want me to “get off”? Dude, that's the plan! Why do you think I'm lying in your lap?
Sorry? What do you mean, “get this wrong”? Sweetie, I'm lying in your lap and playing with your hair. How could anyone possibly get this wrong? Okay, you want me to be even more obvious? Fine! I think you're cute and I wanna cuddle with you. And tomorrow I want you to take me out for coffee and a croissant, after which I want to get back home so we can cuddle some more!
Huh? Hello? What is it, sweetie? Uhm, are you still with me? Hello-oh! Ground control to major Tom! Are you reading? Wow, did I break you or something? Come on, roomie, say something! You're starting to freak me out!
Uhm, yeah, I wanna cuddle with you. In case the whole lying on your lap and playing with your hair thing wasn't enough of a dead giveaway. Oh, come on! I've been dropping hints like- uhm, I can't really think of a metaphor for that right now. I've been dropping hints like some A-grade hint dropper. I drop hints like- hmm, what is something that drops a lot of stuff? [mouth sounds while in deep thought] I drop hints like a B-29 bomber! -no, no, that's too martial and not romantic! I drop hints like- No, don't interrupt me now! I'm trying to think of a metaphor! I- Huh? Uhm, say what? You- You like me too?
Wait! You mean as in “like me”? You know, not just as a friend, or as a roommate, or as a “I kinda see her as almost something of a sister” kinda thing or whatever, but, you know, like me-
But- but then what the heck even is your fricking problem? I mean, I launch a full-on invasion of your lap to trick you into falling in love with me, and the whole time you go [exaggerated whiny voice] “Uh! Oh! No, what are you doing? Get off my lap!”
Excuse me? What was I supposed to do, file a request? How crazy unromantic would that have been! “Dear sir or madam, we, the signing parties, hereby wish to formally declare our intent to snuggle on your lap tonight with an option on further physical gestures of affection including, but not limited to, hugging, nuzzling, playing with your hair, and kissing your neck. We seek your formal consent to these proceedings. Please sign on the dotted line”
What? Of course I would've let you! If you just came and snuggled into my lap, I would, like, totally vibe with it! Like, I would give you head scritchies and stuff, instead of being a little bitch about it like you were! Yes, you were!
Oh, will you stop it? Ugh, we're not even together for five minutes and you already push my buttons! Huh? Yeah, of course we're together now! I mean, I said I like you, you said you like me, so it's just the logical next step. And look: I conveniently already lie in your lap, so we can skip the entire awkward flirting phase and jump straight to making out! So come on! I want some more hair play! Hey, for real now, I am your girlfriend, you ought to be nice to me!
[whiny] Oh, what is it now? No, we don't have to talk about it! Come on, it's late! I don't wanna talk! I wanna cuddle! And maybe give you neck kisses or something, I don't know. Huh? Yeah, I know I said earlier that I wanted to go to sleep, but back then I was still single. Come on, don't tell me you don't want to!
Uh-uh-uh, don't you deny it! I could feel you shivering when I played with your hair. That was an “I am super into this!” shiver. Oh, it wasn't? Is that so? So, if I ran my fingers through your hair again like this [optional brushing sounds], you would totally not like it? Uh-huh, and if I put my other hand under your shirt to stroke your chest, I do assume you wouldn't like that either, huh? You're right, this is totally not an “I am super into this!” shiver. Well, I guess I'll have to bring the big guns out, then. What if I did something like this? [kissing sound]
Oh, suddenly you do like it? Are you sure? Because just a moment ago you wanted me to get off your lap, and you seemed pretty definitive about it, and I wouldn't want to impos- Oooh, what an interesting turn of events! Suddenly not so tired any more, huh? So then, what shall we do with the rest of the night? You know, I could be your cheerleader secret agent, and you have to find out where I hide all my secret gadgets! But I keep them very well-hidden, so you will have to search me very thoroughly! Oh, you like that idea? Excellent! Uhm, but can we go over to my bedroom? It's cleaner, plus I have plushies on my bed. No, I didn't call your bedroom dirty! It's just- well, let's say we have different definitions of “clean”
Oh, please, are you sulking right now? Aww, come on, sweetie, how can I make it up to you? Because I have a few ideas- [kissing sounds] Yeah, there's my cute baby! So then, come on! I'm high on near-lethal doses of caffeine, so I won't be getting any sleep tonight, either way. Might as well make it worth my while, don't we? [kissing sounds, fading out]

Purtle's Internet Lineup for February 12th, 2024 3:33pm
Pics:

• Dark Brandon https://twitter.com/JoeBiden/status/1756888470599967000
  
• hardest jacket at the brunch https://twitter.com/bolton69420/status/1756765412811792628
  
• people who are no longer in school but still actively seek to educate themselves are my heroes. you’re telling me you enjoy learning for its own sake, not for any presumed career benefits but because the world hasn’t crushed your innate curiosity? I love you https://twitter.com/SketchesbyBoze/status/1756514611644211367
  
• YOURE MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A JACKASS IN FRONT OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK https://twitter.com/SquilliumPhD/status/1756856712395382794
  
• Remember when someone made some joke about Bury the Light saying “It’s just a song for a silly franchise you don’t have to go so hard” and then the composer said “actually they called me up and said I had to go the hardest I have ever gone because this is a very important fight” https://twitter.com/Dizzy_Scrimblo/status/1756688886225371295
  
  • found it https://twitter.com/Dizzy_Scrimblo/status/1756700708949123511
• Here’s a mini stack of MariovsDonkeyKong Valentine’s Day cards to share with your rivals and frenemies! https://twitter.com/NintendoAmerica/status/1757072089167601793
  
• forget the super bowl check this out https://twitter.com/cake_hoardestatus/1756795712950649076
  
• Pokemon news
  
  • The Valentine's Event starts today! https://twitter.com/PokemonSleep/status/1757072076459127221

Clips:

• The Nickelodeon broadcast was amazing
  
  • gigantic thread of pics and clips from the nickelodeon broadcast https://twitter.com/BadgercIops/status/1756823934748758089
  • Patrick Star roasting CMC's fumble https://twitter.com/barstoolsports/status/1756828835201347612
  • mahomes the pirate https://twitter.com/cjzero/status/1756831989271847369
  • sandy reporting in https://vxtwitter.com/Gamefanatick386/status/1756829158343061994
  • The Nickelodeon football broadcast just gets me https://twitter.com/Samwitchx/status/1756835573980148181
  • Only SpongeBob would make a 25 joke about Leonardo DeCaprio https://twitter.com/ButterIsPro/status/1756861874568921147
  • Nickelodeon's broadcast during the time a streaker went on to the field https://twitter.com/BadgercIops/status/1756864891699499394
  • the my leg guy makes an appearance! https://twitter.com/BadgercIops/status/1756865862378922001
  • sandy is bias https://twitter.com/BadgercIops/status/1756867776277541094
  • sonic knuckles and tails show up https://twitter.com/BadgercIops/status/1756877323021008930
  • the end of the game https://vxtwitter.com/BadgercIops/status/1756888589336748152
  • Dora the Explorer explaining a false start: "Where are we going?" *clap *clap *clap Boots: "Back 5 yards!" https://vxtwitter.com/CBSSports/status/1756846542529400924
• kicked out the club because I kept doing a money spread with yugioh cards https://twitter.com/severalchains/status/1756328715145859387
  
• I’m crying laughing lmaooooooo happy lunar new year https://twitter.com/REDSEASHAWTY/status/1756749844700668112
  
• Vic the slick vs 5star https://www.twitch.tv/barcodeoc/clip/PoliteRockyArmadilloPrimeMe-aPdlMJ3bD9iw5hhE
  

Videos

• I won NFL fan of the year [8min] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxq5vLNRxmc

Articles/News/Other

• Marathon record holder Kiptum dies at age 24 https://old.reddit.com/news/comments/1aomy2z/marathon_record_holder_kiptum_dies_at_age_24/
  
  • He immediately becomes one of the biggest athletic “what ifs” of all time
• researchers built a smartwatch heart beat monitor that uses a slime mold for its operation. the slime mold has to be fed and cared for, so the users in the trial... developed an emotional attachment to it https://twitter.com/ElytraMithra/status/1756849531692437673
  
• Israel is now bombing a million civilians trapped in Rafah, the last place of refuge in Gaza. This is the most violent and unprecedented bombardment of Rafah to date. [clip] https://twitter.com/sahouraxo/status/1756837937063272928
  
  • Classic Israeli move: While everyone is distracted with sports, they’re bombing the place that they sent all the Palestinians to and said they’d be safe there. https://twitter.com/tamoorh/status/1756841954674188461
  • Israel guided 1.5 millions of Palestinians into Rafah. They moved the "safe zone" further and further south, until the Rafah was all that was left. Now they're bombing Rafah, and people have nowhere to go, nowhere to flee. It's genocide. https://twitter.com/JoshuaPHilll/status/1756865642463191489
  • The bombing of Rafah is a world historic crime right before our eyes. Every single politician who has failed to call for a ceasefire is complicit. Every member of the media who ran cover for this is complicit. They’re live streaming the final solution to the Palestinian question https://twitter.com/kareemisposting/status/1756877857605693705
• Bill that includes $95 billion in aid to Ukraine, Taiwan and Israel has enough support to advance in the US Senate. The U.S. Senate was meeting in a rare Sunday session, debating a $95 billion aid package for Ukraine, Israel and Taiwan. The Senate Democratic majority leader, Chuck Schumer, said lawmakers in the chamber would stay in session “until the job is done,” although extra televisions have been brought in near the chamber so the legislators can watch some of the Sunday night Super Bowl, pro football’s annual championship game in the U.S. https://twitter.com/Megatron_ron/status/1756767278002024928
  
• Can't believe it has been an entire DECADE since this epic moment. Let's celebrate today by creating new TPP memories! https://twitter.com/Twitch/status/1757076172804919668
  
  • it starts tonight! Trainers around the world, grab your snacks and meet us tonight for the 10th Anniversary Run! Starting at 23:18 UTC. Or in about 6 hours from now. https://twitter.com/TwitchPokemon/status/1757090589131108502
  • pokemon thread https://old.reddit.com/pokemon/comments/1ap2xht/on_this_day_ten_years_ago_an_anonymous_australian/
• Ubisoft hosted a $10,000 Prince of Persia Speedrun Competition, and have now patched the game to get rid of the skips people used to compete. Essentially, they used speedrunners as free QA testers. https://twitter.com/Duckable_/status/1757036029490737341
  
• Yipes has a track in Nba2k24 https://twitter.com/IFCYipeS/status/1756072659350151673
  

Day 14, 21:36 (RMT+7), Grand hall, Onigashima 

Ten seconds later... 

Beast pirate Gifter DACHOMAN Vulture SMILE Bounty: 4900万฿ (49,000,000฿) 

Beast pirates Gifter MADILLOMAN Giant armadillo SMILE Bounty: 6800万฿ (68,000,000฿) 

Ten seconds later... 

Beast pirates Numbers JŪKI Giant ✕ Warthog mink hybrid 悪魔の実: Muzu Muzu no Mi (paramecia) Bounty: 2億9900万฿ (299,000,000฿) 

Ten minutes ago... 

BFFL Week 8 Projections

QBs

Pos.	Player	Team	Opponent	Last Week	Projection	Comments..............
QB	Mr. Clanky	Steelers	@ Dolphins	24	34	Clanky had a modest 24 point game last week, but that just goes to show how dominant he is. He should absolutely destroy the 1-6 Dolphins in this matchup.
QB	Kiesha Phillips	Armadillos	@ Patriots	30	30	Kiesha recorded her third 30+ fantasy point game of the season last week and she may very well get another against this putrid Patriots defense. Lock Kiesha in.
QB	Matt Monday	Colts	@ Broncos	22	30	Matt Monday could feast on this lousy Broncos defense. The Colts will have great success passing the ball and this could pay off greatly for Monday's fantasy owners.
QB	Chester Drawers	Lions	@ Monsters	17	29	Chester has not lived up to his expectations coming into this season, but we're only halfway through. This matchup against the Monsters skews in the Lions' direction and I think Chester could break out in this game.
QB	Rich Gannon	Raiders	vs. Pigskins	30	27	Rich Gannon is on a heater and you need to keep rolling with him until he cools off. He is torching opposing defenses and will fire up your fantasy lineup this week.
QB	Steve McNair	Ravens	@ Jets	32	27	Steve McNair keeps getting it done, week in and week out. He should keep it going against the Jets this week. Should be a good game.
QB	Tony Delvecchio	Cowboys	vs. Packers	23	24	Tony ain't the fastest kid around, but he is somehow racking up all these rushing yards. Those are money for a fantasy QB, so Tony deserves to remain in lineups as long as he can keep rushing like this.
QB	Brett Favre	Jets	vs. Ravens	15	23	Brett's worst two games of the season have been his most recent two, with just 14 and 15 points. The Ravens pose a pretty tough matchup, but they also just got beat by the Broncos, so I have a lot of faith in Brett here.
QB	Stuart Sullivan	49ers	@ Melonheads	6	23	Stuart has been down in the dumps the last two games, so he'll be glad to see one of the worst teams in the league lining up opposite him this weekend. Stuart should be able to bounce back nicely in this soft matchup.
QB	Mikey Thomas	Saints	vs. Seahawks	20	23	The Seahawks may have just shut out their last opponent, but the Saints have a better offense. Mikey is playing some of his best ball, and he should be able to get through this Seahawks defense.
QB	Judy Abwunza	Packers	@ Cowboys	22	23	This is shaping up to be a close contest. I think the real difference maker will be whichever QB has more success running the football. Judy is faster than Tony, but it'll be a close one.
QB	Thor Thwackhammer	Vikings	@ Giants	24	23	Thor has had his ups and downs this season, but this one sure seems like an up against the bumbling Giants. Thor has a lot of upside here if he doesn't make silly mistakes.
QB	Ivan King	Ponies	@ Falcons	22	22	Ivan always does a good job mixing it up to his receivers and its his constant yardage that makes him a good fantasy play. He'll throw a few picks but he makes up for it.
QB	Nancy Martin	Dolphins	vs. Steelers	14	21	Nancy may have locked in the underachiever of the year award and we're only halfway through. But she can win back some fans by having a good game against the heavily exalted Steelers.
QB	Cade McNown	Pigskins	@ Raiders	21	21	The Raiders have gotten involved in some high scoring games, whether they win or lose them. This could be the kind of game where the Pigskins have to pass the ball and play catch up. That's the kind of game Cade's fantasy owners are hoping for, anyway.
QB	Jorge Garcia	Fishes	vs. Browns	19	20	Jorge has been hovering around 20 fantasy points for the last few weeks. Like many others, it's all about the rushing yards for him. He needs to pick up yardage with his legs in order to maximize his fantasy score.
QB	Craig David	Cardinals	@ Panthers	16	19	Craig has been consistent the last three weeks, but too bad he's been consistently average, with games of 18, 16, and 16. The Panthers have a below average defense so we'll see if Craig can finally bust it open for a good game.
QB	Sally Dobbs	Seahawks	@ Saints	55	19	If only Sally could spread out those 55 fantasy points to other games instead of stacking them all on last week's performance! She should return to earth here against a better defense. The key, as always, will be if Sally can generate some rushing yardage.
QB	Jocinda Smith	Hornets	@ Eagles	26	19	Jocinda has been leading the charge for these Hornets and she has them atop the division. This is a marquee matchup between two of the top teams in the conference. It may be a more strategic game than a quick scoring game, so expect Jocinda to do most of her work running the ball.
QB	Colin Freeburg	Chiefs	vs. Jaguars	32	19	The Jaguars have been confusing against opposing QBs lately. They shut down Brett Favre, a great QB, but got torn up by Drew Bledsoe, one of the weakest in the league? It'll be interesting to see how they do against Colin, a middle-of-the-road QB.
QB	Charlotte Allen	Broncos	vs. Colts	27	19	We know that Charlotte is susceptible to getting sacked, but the Colts don't go for sacks too often. If Charlotte can stay on her feet, her statline might not be too bad in this game.
QB	Billy Jean Blackwood	Jaguars	@ Chiefs	15	18	Billy Jean has not been at her best lately. Not sure what's gotten into her. But if Jaguars want to save their season, it starts with her play. Look for BJB to focus on the run here.
QB	Dante Robinson	Falcons	vs. Ponies	36	18	Dante's toughest test comes here against the user-controlled Ponies, who will likely take away most, if not all, of his rushing ability. Dante will have to score with his throwing arm here. The potential is limited, but he's Dante, so don't count him completely out.
QB	Donovan McNabb	Eagles	vs. Hornets	13	18	Donovan is in a rough patch of his season with two so-so games in a row. And this game against the 6-1 Hornets and their strong defense might be a real slugfest with few yards to be had. His upside is limited here.
QB	Lori Temple	Stars	vs. Titans	15	18	Lori slightly rebounded from her 3-point dud, but 15 is still her second lowest output of the season. She'll look to get back on track against the Titans, whose defense looked impenetrable last week.
QB	Thad Thornhurst	Panthers	vs. Cardinals	15	18	Thad had a decent day against the user-controlled Ponies. Against an AI team, hopefully he gets more going in the rushing game.
QB	Julio Henderson	Giants	vs. Vikings	12	17	Julio has led these Giants on a downward trend recently. His poor play is a big reason why they're not winning. But Julio and Greg have a great connection, so Julio should focus on that to get back to a respectable statline.
QB	Maude Sissel	Titans	@ Stars	4	17	Maude totally stunk last week, but she did lead the Titans to victory, so that's a positive. But wins don't get you fantasy points. Let's see if she can get back on track against this Stars team that's dropped their last two games.
QB	Sharon Crowe	Monsters	vs. Lions	10	16	Despite feeding two receivers that scored 20+ fantasy points, Sharon herself ended up with just 10. The lack of scrambling ability really hurts her in that regard. But this offense is improving and she's not the worst option in the league.
QB	Drew Bledsoe	Patriots	vs. Armadillos	15	16	The Armadillos have been having a rough season and it's partly because QBs have been passing all over them. Drew will look to follow the trend. But he'll have to be efficient and avoid interceptions.
QB	Andy Gibbons	Browns	@ Fishes	13	15	Andy struggled last week and might earn my ire once again. Was his early season success a fluke or will he be able to get back to it?
QB	Stan Olafson	Melonheads	vs. 49ers	2	14	Stan had a little string of QB competence earlier this season but last week may have proven that he's not cut out for greatness. Still, he's got a slightly easier matchup this week but he needs to be more efficient with his play.

TERBs

Pos.	Player	Team	Opponent	Last Week	Projection	Comments..............
RB	Lindsy Felgate	Colts	@ Broncos	14	14	Lindsy can do no wrong! Keep her in that lineup.
RB	Pete Montoya	Broncos	vs. Colts	6	12	Pete Montoya gets the start at running back for the Broncos, and he might see a lot of targets out of the backfield. PPR scoring could be his friend here.
RB	Christy McTavish	Falcons	vs. Ponies	0	11	Christy McTavish gets the start at RB for the Falcons and she could find her way into the end zone with a power up.
RB	Pinky Purton	Ponies	@ Falcons	9	10	Even when Pinky doesn't blow us away, she still gets a decent score. It's hard to jusify benching her.
RB	No Name 3 174	Ponies	@ Falcons	1	10	No Name has had a couple of duds the last two weeks. The Ponies will probably get her more in the mix this game.
RB	Dominique Lowe	Colts	@ Broncos	3	10	The Colts haven't been able to feed all the mouths in this offense, but a game like this against a weak defense could be the time for guys like Dominique and Jay to contribute.
RB	Jay Canasta	Colts	@ Broncos	2	10	The Colts haven't been able to feed all the mouths in this offense, but a game like this against a weak defense could be the time for guys like Dominique and Jay to contribute.
TE	Mike Schwartz	Lions	@ Monsters	11	9	Mike Schwartz had a great game last week and gets to face another weak offense. He's a sneaky good play here.
TE	Rose Watson	Colts	@ Broncos	10	9	Rose keeps on chugging. She's good for about 8-10 points and that's a great output for a TERB in this league.
RB	Aimee Pannini	Ponies	@ Falcons	11	8	Aimee has two straight games with a 41 yard touchdown reception and nothing else. A pretty incredible streak! We'll see what she does in this one.
RB	Daphne Farrington	Pigskins	@ Raiders	4	7	Daphne had a little bit of a downer last week but her usage in the running game is not going anywhere.
TE	Carlos Ocampo	Ponies	@ Falcons	4	7	Carlos didn't find the end zone last week but he's still a likely candidate to do so every week.
TE	Karla Karloff	Steelers	@ Dolphins	3	7	Karla could have some opportunities here against the Dolphins as they continue to plummet in the standings.
TE	Nickie Noodleson	49ers	@ Melonheads	0	6	If there was ever a chance for Nickie to score, it's here in this matchup against the lowly Melonheads.
TE	Linda Potter	Seahawks	@ Saints	25	6	Linda had a humongous game with two touchdown receptions. She's shown flashes of greatness this season but it usually comes against weaker opponents.
TE	Needle Haystack	Dolphins	vs. Steelers	2	6	Maybe the Dolphins gotta get it in somebody else's hands? Mix it up? I don't know. They're pretty hopeless.
RB	Crazy-Legs Calonzo	Steelers	@ Dolphins	5	5	Crazy-Legs, a rusher? Let's hope those legs stay crazy.
TE	Travis Diamond	Stars	vs. Titans	14	5	In case you wrote Travis off, he came back with a 14 point game. Although those three zeroes in the four weeks prior are still pretty haunting.
TE	Lara Dubois	Jets	vs. Ravens	1	5	Lara miraculously got a fantasy point as an offensive lineman after catching a deflected pass. She may get more actual usage this week now that she's facing an AI team.
TE	Leah Wayne	Chiefs	vs. Jaguars	11	5	Leah Wayne has been one of the most impressive AI TEs this season and continues to get the job done. But she's still pretty dependent on touchdowns.
TE	Zena Fromme	Melonheads	vs. 49ers	0	5	Maybe the Melonheads need to switch up their intended targets, because whatever they're doing now isn't working.
RB	Holly Franklin	Vikings	@ Giants	4	4	Holly remains a change-of-pace rusher in this offense, but she hasn't reached the end zone in a while.
RB	Jay Green	Cardinals	@ Panthers	3	4	Jay has minimal appeal here.
TE	Bill Larsen	Saints	vs. Seahawks	0	4	Bill hasn't had many options to get the ball in his hands, and I'm shocked the Saints don't use him more often.
TE	Florence Jackson	Ravens	@ Jets	0	4	Florence was shut out last week. Maybe all good things come to an end? Keep an eye on her.
TE	Kim Esposito	Panthers	vs. Cardinals	0	4	Kim will be back in action now that the Panthers face an AI team, but that may not automatically translate to fantasy points for her.
TE	Stinky Steiner	Fishes	vs. Browns	0	4	Stinky's stats are few and far between in this Fishes offense.
TE	Wanda Paddlesworth	Patriots	vs. Armadillos	0	4	Wanda can't get it done from week to week and isn't highly recommended.
TE	Brace-Face Brixton	Raiders	vs. Pigskins	2	4	With Pablo demanding so much time with the ball, the others in the lineup have suffered, especially Brace-Face.
RB	Lola Linkletter	Jets	vs. Ravens	15	3	Back to a reduced role for Lola.
RB	Cory Barker	Browns	@ Fishes	7	3	Cory is a decent RB to keep an eye on, but he doesn't score many touchdowns.
TE	Betty Houstan	Jaguars	@ Chiefs	0	3	Billy Jean's struggles directly translate to Betty not getting much action.
TE	Cathy Benitez	Armadillos	@ Patriots	0	3	Cathy's prowess for blocking has been too valuable, and this prevents her from scoring fantasy points.
TE	Cisco Kidd	Vikings	@ Giants	0	3	Cisco is just not in favor with the Vikings' offensive gameplan right now.
TE	Hank Wilson	Packers	@ Cowboys	0	3	Hank was back to a zero last week. He's got the skills, but there's only one football to share, and Hans usually has it in his hans hands.
TE	James Zorn	Cowboys	vs. Packers	0	3	James isn't a big difference maker for these Cowboys.
TE	Kimmy Eckman	Browns	@ Fishes	0	3	Kimmy isn't a useful member of this Browns offense, at least from a fantasy standpoint.
TE	Dan Doorknob	Giants	vs. Vikings	0	3	The Giants offense is all out of sorts, so I wouldn't trust Dan at the moment.
TE	Tiffany Bosworth	Cardinals	@ Panthers	0	3	Tiffany is not a highly coveted offensive weapon for these Cardinals.
TE	Dmitri Petrovich	Eagles	vs. Hornets	2	2	Dmitri might be needed to block too much in this matchup.
TE	J.J. Shetland	Hornets	@ Eagles	0	2	J.J. can't be trusted as a fantasy asset right now.
TE	Lisa Crocket	Monsters	vs. Lions	0	2	Lisa was back to a usual 0 last week. You can safely avoid her.
TE	Marky Dubois	Pigskins	@ Raiders	2	2	Marky has fallen out of favor in the Pigskins offense, especially since Daphne is doing most of the rushing.
TE	Petunia Young	Titans	@ Stars	0	1	Petunia can be safely avoided here.
RB	Fred Sanders	Panthers	vs. Cardinals	14	0	Back to the bench for Fred.
TE	June O'Shea	Falcons	vs. Ponies	0	0	June will be on the offense line for the Falcons, although that won't change much about her stats.
TE	Lulu Legosi	Broncos	vs. Colts	9	0	Right after Lulu earns her first fantasy points of the season, she'll be stuck on the offensive line against the user team.

WRs

Pos.	Player	Team	Opponent	Last Week	Projection	Comments..............
WR	Terrell Davis	Broncos	vs. Colts	38	32	Terrell was phenomenal last week in the upset win, and now he'll look to do it again, facing the user-controlled Colts. He could reap the benefits of long touchdown receptions, as the user team is prone to giving up.
WR	Pablo Sanchez	Raiders	vs. Pigskins	36	31	Pablo is going absolutely nutso right now, AVERAGING 43 fantasy points per game over the last four weeks. There's no denying this kid! Keep him in your lineup.
WR	Hans R. Dirtywashum	Packers	@ Cowboys	36	28	Hans. Need we say more? Okay, here's more. Hans' lowest fantasy score this season is 27. There are only 6 other WRs who average 27 fantasy points per game.
WR	Joshua Mariott	Jets	vs. Ravens	34	28	Joshua may be the only Jets disappointed to play an AI team instead of a user team. But he's still a force to be reckoned with and will be used to his full potential in this matchup.
WR	Mindy Weaver	Cardinals	@ Panthers	30	28	The Panthers defense will always give up a few touchdowns, and Mindy Weaver is the Cardinals' primary touchdown scorer. She should be able to hit paydirt once, maybe twice this game.
WR	Horace Young	Chiefs	vs. Jaguars	29	26	Horace is doing his thing again. He's a dangerous rusher in the open field and a dangerous receivers down field. He just racks up fantasy points wherever he goes.
WR	Star Moonbeam	49ers	@ Melonheads	14	26	Star Moonbeam should be able to run all over this weak Melonheads defense. If you've watched any Melonheads games this season, you know they give up a lot of points.
WR	Debby Nagasawa	Fishes	vs. Browns	30	25	Debby came up big last game, even though the Fishes couldn't pull off the win. The Fishes will look to lean on Debby again and she should have a great game.
WR	Pete Wheeler	Vikings	@ Giants	27	25	Pete Wheeler vs. Greg Bonnell is an exciting matchup of wide receivers. Hopefully they try to one-up each other and we get a lot of fantasy points out of both of them.
WR	Mohammed Springsteen	Patriots	vs. Armadillos	23	25	There's the Mo we know. His big game last week helped the Patriots topple the Jaguars. This game plan will likely repeat itself as the Patriots are a rare favorite in this matchup.
WR	Fred Benson	Monsters	vs. Lions	28	24	Fred keeps doing his thing, and he now has 76 fantasy points over his last three games. The Monsters offense has been getting better and it's thanks to Fred, so all signs are pointing towards another good game for him.
WR	Cynthia Miller	Ravens	@ Jets	41	24	Goodness, Cynthia! She now has 102 fantasy points over her last three games and the Ravens offense is looking spectacular.
WR	Greg Bonnell	Giants	vs. Vikings	13	23	Greg salvaged a decent game by turning his only catch into a 67 yard touchdown. Defenses have caught on to Greg's strategy and they're limiting his potential. But he's still a superstar WR and will continue to earn fantasy points, although maybe not 50-pointers anymore.
WR	Stephanie Morgan	Stars	vs. Titans	19	23	Stephanie could be in line for a nice game here as the Stars look to her more and more. The Titans defense has been pretty good, but Stephanie's dual threat of rushing and receiving should result in a good fantasy score.
WR	Vicki Kawaguchi	Ponies	@ Falcons	7	23	Vicki's services were not needed much last week as the Ponies slogged through the rain. This game should be better, and the Ponies will need to score efficiently in order to keep the Falcons at bay.
WR	Olivia Harris	Colts	@ Broncos	14	22	Olivia could be in line for a pretty good game against the lowly Broncos defense. She could find herself breaking off a long gain or two.
WR	Ricky Williams	Saints	vs. Seahawks	40	22	Ricky Williams has been unbelievable this season, and he had an incredible 40-pointer last weekend. The Saints rely on him when they're in a pinch, so he's always ready to perform well.
WR	Clarice Reid	Seahawks	@ Saints	30	20	Clarice was fantastic last week, blasting past the Melonheads with both rushing and receiving usage. She's a mainstay in the offense and should be a useful fantasy player once again in this matchup.
WR	Ernie Steele	Steelers	@ Dolphins	21	20	Ernie should be able to find his way into the end zone once or twice against this Dolphins team that has seen better days.
WR	Georgia Doyle	Falcons	vs. Ponies	26	20	Georgia appears to be the lead WR in a game against the user-controlled Ponies. She doesn't have the height advantage that other receivers have, but she is blazing fast and could break off a big gain.
WR	Marcus Weiss	Eagles	vs. Hornets	23	20	Marcus didn't catch a pass last week but he made up for it with a huge game on the ground. His dual threat makes him a godsend for the Eagles and your fantasy team.
WR	Ben None	Browns	@ Fishes	24	20	Once again, Ben None had to do pretty much everything himself. Although this time, it didn't end in a win. But it certainly seems that Ben IS the Browns' offensive gameplan.
WR	Reese Worthington	Lions	@ Monsters	13	20	Reese's stats haven't been at their best but there's always another game. And this one looks good, against the Monsters. Reese should be fine this week.
WR	Wendy Harmon	Pigskins	@ Raiders	24	20	Wendy is the top dawg in this Pigskins' WR group. The Raiders have allowed some big yardage games and Wendy could be the next one to take advantage.
WR	Amir Khan	Panthers	vs. Cardinals	19	19	Amir had the upper hand in the Panthers' WR corps last week, but we know that can change in an instant. But as long as the Panthers are a pass-first offense, both WRs are decent options.
WR	Eric Lebeaux	Lions	@ Monsters	3	19	Eric has had a rough go of it, but this matchup against the Monsters is a good one. They just gave up 48 fantasy points to WRs last week, so Eric will be hoping to get a piece of that pie.
WR	Junior Seau	Armadillos	@ Patriots	16	19	Junior's involvement in the rushing game has been clutch, especially if he gets little to no looks in the passing game. Now we just need to work on Kiesha not being a ballhog.
WR	Maria Luna	Melonheads	vs. 49ers	7	19	The Melonheads were embarrassed last week and Maria's statline suffered. We know she's got the talent, but poor QB play is hampering her. Maybe the Melonheads can get it together here against an easier defense.
WR	Georgette Washington	Jaguars	@ Chiefs	11	19	This Jaguars offense is all out of whack. Maybe they need to put the ball in the hands of their playmaker, Georgette.
WR	Frankie McDoogle	49ers	@ Melonheads	6	18	Frankie hasn't been at his best lately, but this matchup skews heavily in the 49ers favor. Frankie should be able to put up some numbers here and the Niners offense will thrive.
WR	Baloney Maloney	Ponies	@ Falcons	11	18	The Ponies might need to pass a little more this game to keep up with the Falcons' high powered offense, so Baloney could get more looks than usual.
WR	Yasmin Kristov	Cowboys	vs. Packers	5	18	Tony D at QB has been rather selfish lately and rushed more than he's passed. But the Cowboys know they have weapons in both facets of the offense so I would not be surprised to see Yasmin get back to work this weekend.
WR	Whitney Singh	Hornets	@ Eagles	16	18	Whitney took a bit of a back seat with Neal recording the big plays, but she should not be slept on. The Hornets will depend on her in a big game like this.
WR	Knuckles McGhee	Steelers	@ Dolphins	0	17	A mere zero for Knuckles last week shouldn't be of any concern. This Steelers offense is potent enough that anybody can bounce back for them. Knuckles should be fine.
WR	Tina Herrara	Dolphins	vs. Steelers	7	17	Tina's season from a fantasy perspective has been quite the roller coaster ride. Hopefully she can get back on an upswing against this Steelers defense, but it will be an uphill battle for sure.
WR	Achmed Khan	Colts	@ Broncos	10	16	Achmed hasn't been able to have a huge game, as the Colts' offense hasn't been quite up to par. But this matchup tilts heavily in their favor.
WR	Jevon Kearse	Titans	@ Stars	11	16	After 109 fantasy points in his first 3 games, Jevon has 53 in the 4 games since. Maybe our expectations for him need to level out a little lower.
WR	Nestor Carpenter	Armadillos	@ Patriots	5	16	I like Nestor's chances this week against the soft Pats defense. He could be worth a look in the FLEX spot.
WR	Susie Townshend	Monsters	vs. Lions	29	16	Susie has been on fire the last few games, with three straight efforts of 20+ points. The Lions are a hungry defense and Susie will have to work hard to get open, but it's clear that she's starting to develop a rapport with Sharon Crowe at QB.
WR	Evan Lindstrom	Panthers	vs. Cardinals	3	15	Evan had just 3 fantasy points last week but that could be written off since it was against a user team. The AI matchup should be better for him.
WR	Jimmy Rockfish	Cowboys	vs. Packers	7	15	Jimmy is probably still the WR2 in this offense, although both are struggling lately. Hopefully the game script forces the Cowboys to pass the ball more, and that will happen if the Packers get out to an early lead.
WR	Victor Jones	Saints	vs. Seahawks	9	15	Victor let Ricky do most of the damage last week, but he's ready and able to contribute when the Saints need him. It's hard to predict when Victor will pop off but the opportunity is always there.
WR	Annie Frazier	Dolphins	vs. Steelers	10	14	Annie outscored Tina Herrara last week, and while it didn't result in a Dolphins win, maybe it shows that both WRs need to be utilized.
WR	Kenny Kawaguchi	Patriots	vs. Armadillos	15	14	Kenny will look to stay involved and keep the momentum. He's a decent receiver but Drew Bledsoe's struggles limit his potential.
WR	Renee Matthews	Raiders	vs. Pigskins	10	14	The best thing working in Renee's favor is that if defenses try to lock up or double team Pablo, that could be her chance to be wide open.
WR	Daisy Dewchester	Vikings	@ Giants	9	13	Daisy doesn't get quite as many looks in this offense because of the success of Pete. But just one TD and suddenly she's got double digit fantasy points.
WR	Nellie O'Neal	Pigskins	@ Raiders	6	12	Nellie would be fantastic if she were a TERB, but instead she's just a slow wide receiver.
WR	Babs Bratwurst	Seahawks	@ Saints	12	11	Babs found her way into the end zone last week but she was still unable to generate a big statline. She's a very low-end FLEX WR as it stands.
WR	Dwight Frye	Giants	vs. Vikings	0	11	Dwight was held catchless but maybe the Giants need to work him in more if Greg continues to struggle.
WR	King Kirby	Eagles	vs. Hornets	18	11	King had a nice game last week but this Hornets defense could be a tougher test for him. Consider benching him this week.
WR	Lance Lundergaard	Falcons	vs. Ponies	7	11	Lance will likely be the second option at WR against the user team here. He is a talented wide receiver but the Falcons' playbook may be his biggest hindrance here.
WR	Shannon Petroviski	Ravens	@ Jets	13	11	This may be a tough matchup for Shannon, but the way the Ravens have been throwing the ball this season, she's not a terrible option.
WR	Amy Bostwick	Stars	vs. Titans	0	11	Yikes, nothing for Amy last week? With three good receivers and only one football, there may often be an odd man out in the Stars offense. Last week it happened to be Amy. Stay tuned for what happens this week.
WR	Ashley Webber	Jets	vs. Ravens	9	10	Ashley is clearly second in line to Joshua, and perhaps third in line if you count Brett rushing. She's not a very promising fantasy option.
WR	Luanne Lui	Cardinals	@ Panthers	0	10	Luanne has had a rough go of it this season, but the Panthers have been involved in some high scoring games. There could be a glimmer of hope for Lulu here.
WR	Neal Smith	Hornets	@ Eagles	22	10	Neal came up big last week with 2 touchdown receptions, an unusual flip of the game script. He's a useful weapon, but perhaps not against this strong Eagles defense.
WR	Omar Stephano	Packers	@ Cowboys	12	10	Omar's potential will always be limited as long as he's playing with the top WR in the league, but he's been doing a bit more this season than in the past.
WR	Sidney Webber	Titans	@ Stars	1	10	Sidney was able to garner just a single fantasy point last week. This Titans offense isn't quite clicking and Sidney is probably better left on the bench this week.
WR	Austin Carpenter	Browns	@ Fishes	0	9	Nothing for Austin last week, it's frustrating to see. And it assures us that putting him in your fantasy lineup is a bad idea.
WR	Pickles Peterson	Fishes	vs. Browns	7	9	Pickles is a very polarizing player, because he's either catching two touchdowns or scoring under 10 fantasy points. His scores fluctuate just a little too much to make me wanna suggest putting him in a lineup.
WR	Rainbow Callahan	Chiefs	vs. Jaguars	9	9	Rainbow may be improving slightly, although she has still not hit double digit fantasy points in a game this season. But the Jaguars look vulnerable.
WR	Veronica Lee	Jaguars	@ Chiefs	4	9	Veronica is not very dependable right now, especially with the way this Jaguars offense is behaving.
WR	Chucky Flinder	Melonheads	vs. 49ers	4	8	Chucky managed 4 fantasy points last week as the Melonheads suffered a very lopsided loss. It's hard to trust anybody in their lineup right now, but especially not their WR2.
WR	Ricky Johnson	Broncos	vs. Colts	4	6	While Ricky is a nice tall target, he may not get many looks just because of the playbook the Broncos use against the user-controlled Colts.

DEFs

Pos.	Player	Team	Opponent	Last Week	Projection	Comments..............
DEF	Seahawks Defense	Seahawks	@ Saints	29	16	Thanks to their absolute drubbing of the Melonheads, the Seahawks now have the most defensive fantasy points in the league. This is a well-rounded unit that feasts on slow QBs, like Mikey Thomas. The Seahawks should have another good one here.
DEF	49ers Defense	49ers	@ Melonheads	8	15.5	Once again, a defense facing the Melonheads is often a good choice. The 49ers won't replicate the Seahawks' domination of the Melonheads, but they could rack up a lot of sacks.
DEF	Hornets Defense	Hornets	@ Eagles	20	15.5	The Hornets have been winning games with their defense, and that will be put to the test here against the Eagles' well-rounded offense. If the Hornets can force Donovan McNabb into a few mistakes, they can set the pace for this game.
DEF	Colts Defense	Colts	@ Broncos	14.5	15	The Colts offense is starting to find their groove and they look like a good play here against a weak offense. The Colts could also finally get some sacks for once against the slow-footed Charlotte Allen.
DEF	Chiefs Defense	Chiefs	vs. Jaguars	14.5	15	The Jaguars offense has looked awful the past couple games and this is a good chance for the Chiefs to pounce. They're a good starting candidate this week.
DEF	Stars Defense	Stars	vs. Titans	12	15	The Stars did a decent job limiting the Steelers offense last week, although the Steelers are so good, they'll score three TDs on anybody. This week, the Stars face the Titans who only mustered up one score last weekend. The Stars could have the slight edge here.
DEF	Steelers Defense	Steelers	@ Dolphins	14.5	15	The Steelers are heavily favored in this matchup against the Dolphins, but they can't think too hard about that. If they just play their normal brand of football, they should have a solid defensive game.
DEF	Vikings Defense	Vikings	@ Giants	15.5	14.5	Even with Greg Bonnell, the Giants offense has looked pitiful lately. Opposing defenses are feasting, and the Vikings are the next in line. A strong play here.
DEF	Packers Defense	Packers	@ Cowboys	13	14.5	The Packers have been a sneaky good defensive unit this season. They have scored double digits in every game so far. And their abundance of fast players makes it easy to limit the yardage. They should continue to roll against the Cowboys.
DEF	Lions Defense	Lions	@ Monsters	8	14	The Lions defense has been struggling as of late, but a date with the Monsters might be what gets them back on track. Sharon Crowe is one of the most notorious targets for sacks.
DEF	Titans Defense	Titans	@ Stars	19	14	The Titans defense was fantastic last week against the Dolphins, and the Stars have only scored 17 points over their last two games. This could be another chance for the Titans defense to excel.
DEF	Eagles Defense	Eagles	vs. Hornets	12	14	This is an exciting matchup between two top teams who both have solid defenses. The Eagles will have to make sure Jocinda doesn't escape the pocket and run like crazy. Not the most upside here but the Eagles defense will make it a close game
DEF	Cowboys Defense	Cowboys	vs. Packers	11	13.5	The Cowboys have been unseated as the top scoring defense in the league but are still a fearsome unit. They have a tough test here trying to wrangle in Hans, but they are good against any opponent.
DEF	Ponies Defense	Ponies	@ Falcons	13	13.5	The Ponies should have a better result than most when it comes to stopping Dante Robinson in the rushing attack. But Dante could still gain quite a few passing yards against them.
DEF	Armadillos Defense	Armadillos	@ Patriots	8.5	13	The Armadillos have struggled on defense all season long but this is a good opportunity here against a below average Patriots offense. Hopefully it starts with tallying up a bunch of sacks.
DEF	Jaguars Defense	Jaguars	@ Chiefs	13	13	The Chiefs have been Jekyll and Hyde the last two games, scoring 0 and 38. I guess it depends on what kinda defense they face. The Jaguars will have to set the tone here before it gets out of hand.
DEF	Jets Defense	Jets	vs. Ravens	12.5	13	The Jets defense has been one of the most reliable in the league, but this Ravens offense has made football a living hell for opposing defenses. The Jets will need to be on their best behavior in this one.
DEF	Saints Defense	Saints	vs. Seahawks	14	13	The Seahawks are fresh off of the most massive win we've seen in a long time, so they've got some pretty big heads, and the Saints will try to catch them off guard. Perhaps the Seahawks used up all their offense last week.
DEF	Cardinals Defense	Cardinals	@ Panthers	10	12	The Cardinals haven't been the most intimidating defense around, but they have shown some signs of promise. The key here will be limiting the passing yards, as that has been the Panthers' bread and butter this season.
DEF	Fishes Defense	Fishes	vs. Browns	9	12	The Fishes didn't play a clean game last weekend, but they'll try to right the ship here against a Browns team that's had moments of weakness. If they can start off by sacking Andy Gibbons a few times, things could work out for them.
DEF	Raiders Defense	Raiders	vs. Pigskins	16	12	The Raiders actually played some defense last week in a commanding win. Cade McNown has decent scrambling ability, so the Raiders will look to limit yardage here.
DEF	Dolphins Defense	Dolphins	vs. Steelers	20.5	11.5	The Dolphins defense did more than enough to win last week, but the offense let them down. Good luck stopping Clanky and the Steelers in this game, though.
DEF	Pigskins Defense	Pigskins	@ Raiders	16.5	10.5	The Pigskins defense has put together two good games in a row, but you know who else has? The Raiders offense. They've scored 77 points over their last two games and I would avoid any defense facing them until things change.
DEF	Browns Defense	Browns	@ Fishes	6	10	A week after shutting out a good Chiefs team, the Browns get blown out by the Raiders. Which defense can we expect!? I think the struggles from last week are more likely.
DEF	Falcons Defense	Falcons	vs. Ponies	20	9	The Falcons have been quietly rising the ranks and are one of the best defensive units in the league. Unfortunately, they have to face the excellent user-controlled Ponies offense, which could limit their potential in this matchup.
DEF	Melonheads Defense	Melonheads	vs. 49ers	3.5	9	The Melonheads were absolutely destroyed last week, allowing nine touchdowns and scoring nothing of their own. The 49ers' offense may not be as potent as their last opponent but they might not be a walk in the park, either.
DEF	Panthers Defense	Panthers	vs. Cardinals	10	9	The Panthers defense doesn't usually do themselves any favors, but the Cardinals don't have the strongest offense around. Still, limited appeal here.
DEF	Patriots Defense	Patriots	vs. Armadillos	13.5	9	The Patriots will have their hands full trying to stop the Armadillos' relentless rushing attack. They'll have to try to force fumbles or something.
DEF	Giants Defense	Giants	vs. Vikings	8.5	8	The Giants defense has been very lackluster lately, and the Vikings offense is another squad that could just roll over these guys. I would look elsewhere for defense.
DEF	Monsters Defense	Monsters	vs. Lions	10	8	The Monsters gave up a lot of points and yards last week, but they made up for it with some takeaways. However, as long as they are giving up so many touchdowns, it's difficult to trust them as a fantasy defense.
DEF	Ravens Defense	Ravens	@ Jets	7.5	8	The Ravens faltered against the Broncos offense, a big surprise there. The Jets offense is much more skilled than the Broncos, so either the Ravens need to shape up or they might lose again.
DEF	Broncos Defense	Broncos	vs. Colts	5	6	This Broncos defense has not been very inspiring lately, and now they have to face the vaunted Colts offense. The Broncos may only be able to garner fantasy points via turnovers in this one.

Ks

Pos.	Player	Team	Opponent	Last Week	Projection
K	Jay Canasta	Colts	@ Broncos	1	5
K	Frankie McDoogle	49ers	@ Melonheads	1	4
K	Reese Worthington	Lions	@ Monsters	2	4
K	Mr. Clanky	Steelers	@ Dolphins	3	4
K	Cathy Benitez	Armadillos	@ Patriots	0	3
K	Ricky Johnson	Broncos	vs. Colts	4	3
K	Kristi Yeoh	Cowboys	vs. Packers	0	3
K	Annie Frazier	Dolphins	vs. Steelers	0	3
K	Hank Wilson	Packers	@ Cowboys	2	3
K	Ivan King	Ponies	@ Falcons	1	3
K	Patsy Clinehurst	Raiders	vs. Pigskins	3	3
K	Spanky Simpson	Seahawks	@ Saints	4	3
K	George Anderson	Stars	vs. Titans	2	3
K	Bert Nicholson	Titans	@ Stars	1	3
K	Daisy Dewchester	Vikings	@ Giants	3	3
K	Ben None	Browns	@ Fishes	1	2
K	Amanda Craven	Cardinals	@ Panthers	1	2
K	Rainbow Callahan	Chiefs	vs. Jaguars	2	2
K	Dmitri Petrovich	Eagles	vs. Hornets	3	2
K	Lance Lundergaard	Falcons	vs. Ponies	4	2
K	David Wilco	Hornets	@ Eagles	5	2
K	Sophie Hubley	Jaguars	@ Chiefs	3	2
K	Andres Ibsen	Melonheads	vs. 49ers	0	2
K	Lisa Crocket	Monsters	vs. Lions	3	2
K	Amir Khan	Panthers	vs. Cardinals	2	2
K	Marcie Mallow	Patriots	vs. Armadillos	0	2
K	Wendy Harmon	Pigskins	@ Raiders	2	2
K	Shannon Petroviski	Ravens	@ Jets	2	2
K	Cullen Sullivan	Saints	vs. Seahawks	3	2
K	Barnaby Miller	Fishes	vs. Browns	0	1
K	Angela Delvecchio	Giants	vs. Vikings	1	1
K	Wing Kwan	Jets	vs. Ravens	0	1

EDIT: Skip to the bottom for a TLDR.
Alright... so those of you who've played the game already know about the disgusting love triangle between Therese, Jeanette, and their father when they were younger.
I don't want to focus on this part too much because it's debauchery and disgusting, but for those of you who don't know and didn't care enough that you clicked past the spoiler warning: Therese had a... "intimate" (ugh) relationship with her father. However after doing my second playthrough in a row - in this playthrough I decided to be nice to both of the sisters in order to keep one from "killing" the other - I came to a horrible realization. This story may be more tragic than we, or at least I, originally thought.
But first let's go over the basics and what we know.
What We Know For Sure:
> One: She/"they" are Malkavian. Malkavian's are already prone to different types of insanity - and whatever type of insanity ends up manifesting in a Malkavian after their embrace usually depends on the individual, their pre-Embrace personality, and what shaped them as a person. Malkavian's can suffer everything from dementia, to psychopathy, to schizophrenia and sometimes multiple mental disorders at once. It really differs from individual to individual, but the infliction of insanity is common to all Malkavians (except for in very, very rare circumstances) as it is considered to be their clan "curse" - in original WOD and in 5th Edition each clan has a curse of their own which all their members must suffer.
> Two: Therese/Jeanette suffer from an extreme and untreated case of multiple personality disorder. This manifests as the individual 'playing the part' of two different people, the sisters Therese and Jeanette, and this individual truly believes they are indeed two separate people. From this point onwards I will refer to them as "Therese" rather than both names. I will explain my reasoning as to why here in a moment, but know that it does tie into the central theme behind this post.
> Three: We know that Therese and her sister both experiences trauma in their early adult/late teenage years due to what happened with their father, trauma that would eventually lead to murder which only unfortunately would compound and make worse the already existing trauma by adding more upon it. This alone could and does cause major psychological issues in individuals - being a Malkavian only exacerbates the already existing issue and Therese's embrace may have acted as the necessary catalyst to turn her existing trauma into a actual psychological disorder.
So now I'm going to get to the core of this post: The individual we speak to is actually Therese. Not Jeanette, nor anyone else.
Possibilities:
I will get into this further in a second but there is another thing I want to touch on really quick: the idea that the individual may just be absolutely insane and create Therese and Jeanette as "characters". Yes, this is a definite and very real possibility both within the realm of genuine mental disorders and within the scope of mental-fuckery that the Malkavian bloodline curse brings. For this piece however, we are going to be assuming that Therese is not just some wacko who is neither Therese nor Jeanette. I will admit up front my evidence for this is slim and there are ways to refute it, the painting of the two could have been commissioned to cement the whole guise, we do not know if the picture in the private office/room truly is of Therese/Jeanette when they were children or just a vintage image of two random younger girls, and yes mentally disturbed individuals can create very detailed stories and make them sound very emotionally charged and convincing if they themselves believe their own fictitious story. Still, we are operating under the presumption that what Therese tells us is true.
The Point:
Now, towards the end you get the full story of the individuals which I am going to briefly summarize:
Therese and Jeanette were twin sisters, who grew up sometime between the 1930's and 1950's - this information based off the age of the picture near the bed we see of them as children and off of Jeanette's "for two lifetimes comment", which would put the 30's-50's as being about two generations away from 2004, the year the game takes place. They didn't get out a lot and thus did not have many friends, this resulted in Therese and Jeanette becoming very close in their formative years. As they got older into their later teenage years however they grew apart with Jeanette becoming the rebellious daughter and Therese becoming both rather pious and dedicated to their father.
The primary wedge between the two however, was none other than their father himself, as at some point during their teenage years Therese developed an "intimate" relationship with their father, who would "come in to their room to see Therese" each night while they thought "Jeanette was sleeping" (I really don't want to go further into this aspect).
However, one night Jeanette falls asleep on Therese's bed and when their Father entered the room he mistook Jeanette for Therese, and they uh, y'know. Therese found them together and became furious with jealousy (keep in mind the brain of a individual from 16 to 21 is still developing, and these are some of the most important years - but it's during these years they can be influenced and manipulated. It's also why trauma that happens during these ages often warp and trouble the mind to large extents).
So, using what is said in the game: Therese went and got their shotgun, loaded it with deer shot, and blew her dad's brains out all over the "silly clown wallpaper". Now, according to Jeanette they were still in the same bed, together, when this occurred. I'm going to be focusing on the ammunition for a moment.
There are multiple types of shotgun ammunition, many types made for dependent on what you're hunting. Birdshot (BBB Buckshot), for example usually consists of between 77 - 120 very small 0.190" lead beads. This is because anything larger would completely ruin the bird and leave little meat, and the large amounts of beads are to maximize the chances of hitting a small prey that can move at rapid speeds, so for obvious reasons birdshot is recommended when hunting birds, rabbits, and other small animals like pesky raccoons and armadillos. While it's still very capable of killing a human being, they're much more likely to survive anything that's not point-blank.
For deer however, it's recommended the hunter use a type of ammunition known as 00 Buckshot (or double-aught buckshot). These are MUCH larger and much heavier in size at 0.330", and each shell typically holds about 12-24 of them. That is why 00 Buckshot is commonly known as... deer shot. It packs a much heavier punch than birdshot and with the amount of beads still has a very decent spread, enough to give a good chance of hitting the target and catch multiple organs.
Why am I bringing this up? Well, you've got two people in a bed together, and another person with a shotgun loaded full of 00 buckshot walking into that room, there is little chance only the father caught in the resulting mayhem. There are two possibilities: either Therese stands in the doorway and fires from there, or she walks directly up to the bed and fires point blank. In either of these situation, Jeanette is getting hit - and she's getting hit badly. Even if she doesn't die immediately, with a blast like that - at that range - she is going to have some serious issues... issues a early century era ambulance might not be able to fix in time.
Ending (Also TLDR)
What I am getting at here is that Therese - in blind and jealous rage - killed her father and in the process killed her sister as well with the same pull of the trigger (whether she meant too or not is moot). The trauma of this incident lead to major emotional and mental scars for Therese who can't let her sister go and also can't bring herself to accept that she murdered her father and sister. Sometime later, she is embraced by a Malkavian, and pre-existing mental issues are dialed up to 11.

This is a one off little story for April and set in the future of the Like Rats series.
<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>
Rocks: silent, inanimate objects torn from the Earth's ancient crust.
Yielding up to man over the long centuries all that is known of the planet on which we live.
Withholding from man forever their veiled secrets of the nature of matter and cosmic catastrophe.
The secrets of other worlds in the vastness of the universe. Of other forms of life.
Of strange organisms beyond the imagination of man.
- Corpus Earthling
<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>
Like Rocks
<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>
>>> Nua Skurr Sector: Planet: Yohoi 3 Territorial Colony <<<
>>> Island: Gootla Pam: Joint Expedition Training Fascility <<<
>>> Outer Frontier Standard Date: 33-08-0201 <<<
Cadet Jelaco ambled into the mess-hall, navigating around a few stones in the room and fwomphed down on a warming rock across from one of her compatriots, a veteran named Edell, and set down her evening meal with a skrik of relief. "I am so sore! Those new training exercises are murder on my poor four back paws!" skrikking happily as she spread herself over the rock and soaked in the warmth.
Both were of the Yohoi species, newly accepted into to the Pax League after starting an ill thought out war with the Dynol. A war the bipeds had won without firing hardly a shot. The Yohoi were mortified to learn just how placid and good-natured the people of Eros were and, after some negotiation and explanation, had surrendered and profusely apologized. Now members of their species were welcome to join the Supervision Fleet, Pax Enforcement and even the Expeditionary Force. The Dynol had initially referred to them as, ahem "armadillo-pede glider-blankets", whatever that meant.
Edell smiled at the new recruit's reaction to the rigors of Expeditionary Force training. "Yet you are still here climbing away at it." he pointed out while taking a bite of a fruit from his homeworld and then tool a bite from a Dynol fruit called an Orange. Weird terminology - but it tasted good! The two flavors mixed unexpectedly well.
Jelaco nodded as she tossed a pawfull of kini-bugs into her mouth, munching and crunching them. She savored the coldness on her tongue and the rich flavor. "rmf! These are a good batch of kini!" She scooped some more into her maw and cleared her plate as you had to eat kini quickly before they warmed up and woke up. "They go really good with that Dynol soft frozen confection."
"hrm-hrm Fresh shipment from the farms. Pax sure provides well." he agreed. "Losing the war with the Dynol was the best thing to happen to us." He spun a juba root on a claw and peeled it with another. "Specially since we get to enjoy all these new foods!" The juba was imported from an allied species called the Conin.
Jelaco made a face at the mention of the humans. "grk! If only they were not so freakish! They make my plates all scrunch up!" she grumbled. "But you have a point. Their foods are so different. This baked one for example. Yam? With some sort of hrmmm sauce!"
Edell lifted his middle head plates at that, signalling affirmative. "You get used to the lack of the proper number of limbs and eyes after a while. And the upright stance. And the flat faces. And the freakishly long limbs. And the lack of plating. And the lack of propper pelts other than on strategic locations." he rattled off the peculiarities of the humans. "Least they do not have feathers like those giant things do." he noted with a shudder. He watched the recruit eat and then spotted something set aside that smelled really good. "Whats that you are saving? Smells familliar? Baked Dynol fruit?"
"Oh yeah! One of the Xeno-Biology teachers suggested I try it. Apple Pie"
All four of the veteran's little eyes went wide at that. "a-APPLE! Jelaco! Dynol apples are really potent! Just a slice can leave you giddy for minutes. You have a whole slice of pie there. Who knows that it might do." he warned. Though the smell was enticing.
The cadet actually looked at the pie with more interest now. "arum? Maybe I'll just try this in the privacy of my own room then." Then she froze and all the plates running down her back started to tighten. "Urrrn. There is one behind me now... isnt there?" she asked, large ears swiveling as far back as they would rotate. The plates on her snout were doing a cycling ripple.
Edell squinted over her shoulder and noticed a Dynol amble into the cafeteria and sit at a table behind the recruit. "Do you want the truth? Or a blatant lie meant to make you feel better?"
"Lie to me please."
"Nope. I do not see a Dynol. None at all. Tooooootallllllllyyyyyy safe."
"You are a complete failure at telling a lie you know."
Edell looked at the nervous recruit and then grinned to himself. "Well Jelaco. I Do Not Think The Dynol Sitting Behind You Will Do Anything Unusual To You Just Because You Think They Look Too Weird." he reassured her far too loudly. He was rewarded by the Dynol sitting up straighter and fixing his binocular eyes on Jelaco's back."
Jelaco shrank into her plates a little as she could practically feel those big alien eyes boring into her. "Oh Lords Of Light! It is staring at me isn't it?"
"I am not sure. It only has one pair of eyes." He watched the human stand up and start pulling off it's top covering to reveal the dark skin below. The Dynol then commenced to stalk around the table and zero in on the recruit.
Said recruit was all a-jitter now, her plates making soft leathery tuk-tuk-tuk sounds as they tightened and interlocked while she lay there on her rock listening. "It is getting closer! Its hunting me! I know it!"
"Do not be silly. Dynol are "mostly" harmless." Said while glancing over her shoulder and trying to stifle a skrikkle of amusement. Other Yohoi were now watching this as well and also trying not to skrikkle laughter. "Now I want you to turn around slowly and tell me what you see."
"What? I don't want to!"
"Oh come on. What sort of Expedition Xeno-Bioogist will you be if you can not even look at one gribbly Dynol?" he chided her.
Jelaco gave a ruk-ruk-ruk of annoyance. But she turned in place on her rock using six of her eight limbs to rotate 180 to face back. And saw nothing? "rurk? Where did it go? I swear I felt it stalking me? I see the rocks, the tables, other Yohoi?" She turned back to face the veteran and noticed his plates were tilting in humor. "Ok. Whats up? You know something! Where did the biped go?" she demanded with her snout plates canted aggressively.
Edell broke into fits of skrikkles, sprawling out on his heating rock with his back plates undulating as he had a good laugh. "oran! The look on your face! Now now! No need for aggression oh brave warrior!" he snuffled at her happily. "Do you know how the humans beat us?" he asked her.
She thought a bit, ears flicking back behind her to try and figure out where the Dynol dissapeared to. "Yes. They used stealth techniques to somehow infiltrate whole armies into camps and well. We gave up. Especially as they could somehow pinpoint our own scouts and stealth units."
"Fact is my dear it was capturing our scouts and infiltrators that clued the bipeds into how we worked and one of them accidentally discovered the secret to beating us. By using our own defensive camouflage instincts against us." the veteran explained. He had been one of those infiltration scouts and to this day he did not know how the humans had pinpointed him hiding.
This perplexed the recruit. "But we just curl up and our natural coloring and plating makes us look exactly like a rock? We evolved to hide and we can not perceive eachother? Predators can not even locate us up close. How can these Dynol find us then and how did it disappear just now."
Just then a dark skinned biped paw reached around her and filched a yam off her plate. She felt the luxurious heat of the human leaning over her. Then the soft voice that rumbled like a distant summer storm. "I never went anywhere. You were looking right at me and did not see me." Another hand came into view on the other side of her as if to cut off escape. She heard the human eat the yam. Was she next? But instead both hands came around to frame her and then converge under her chin. She started to tense, but the fingers prevented her from curling up. Then they began to stroke down her chin on either side, gliding through her underfur to her neck, then scooping underneath her in the most sublime caress. The fingers stopped to massage each of her joints at the body and then down to her back thighs.
Jelaco let out a churl of bliss as all the tension was washed away. "orm! Maybe I'll have that pie now..."
Edell smirked. "Oh and that was another bonus. That and the Dynol body temperature is near the exact same as a perfect heating rock. A heating rock that never cools down."
The recruit looked up and back at the human with renewed interest.
The veteran tilted his plates in a humorous cadence. "But then as one of the bipeds was carrying one of us back to camp on her bare back. She discovered that we Yohoi feel divinely cool and silky on their skin. Dynol will happily let us drape over them for mutual relaxation. Not like I would know of any such things personally!"
The Dynol smiled at this. "Oh some of us like it so much we get sneaky just to enjoy it while relaxing." He rubbed the female's left ear as was the customary Yohoi greeting. "Feeling less tense now miss Jelaco?"
"Orm Stars Above yes! I will have to look you up after my next physical training session tomorrow!" the student Xeno-Biologist stated while looking at the human with all four little eyes.
"Uh oh!" chuckled the Dynol as he returned to his table and resumed eating. He did not have the heart to tell the aliens that to human eyes they stood out as bright red plates and almost neon green fur.
Edell relaxed, pondering the Orange and its dark black-purple skin and the luminous pink rind and the iridescent purple interior. Even seeing the dark grey skinned Dynol perform the trick he just saw a rock. As that was how the humans had defeated the Yohoi. By just taking off their shirts and curling up. Their grey skin was just like a rock's and curled up they triggered the Yohoi instinct to dismiss it as not a threat.
Jelaco finished her meal and departed, with her pie, after thanking the veteran for easing her anxieties.
Edell settled back onto his rock to relax. Playing games like this with the recruits helped ease the tensions. "I would never fall for such sneaky biped tricks now that I know." he declared smugly.
Then the heating rock under him giggled.
<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

nobody's gonna believe the following, but imma just write it down.
​
i was born in greece, and im 21 y/o. i was always kind of a funny/weird little boy when i was young, but mostly funny (now im just weird lol). when i turned 13, i felt the will to categorize the various ways people speak to eachother. Idk why, but when heard someone talking, i felt that in everything they say there is a rythm according to the breaths and pauses they take during speech. I procceded to analyze they way everyone talks and how they take breaths during speech, and was led to the (..false) conclusion that there are 4 types of rythms, and that each person is using one of them. I'll call these rythms A,B,C, and D. I also found out the rythms are connected to eachother; When an 'A' person was talking to a 'B' person, then the flow of their conversation would be pleasant (or at least i thought) because of their timing they take breaths and begin to speak (When one person inhales, the other exhales while talking (actually it gets very more complicated than that)). But when an A was talking to another A, the conversational flow would be bad, and thus i theorized they cant be friends, because they will dislike eachother. im too bored to explain C and D.
I was excited that I could sense something like that. It was so real to me. I was so excited, that i tried speaking in every one of these rythms, and was succesful. But problems soon began.
I auto-categorized myself to the A rythm. Because i was sensitive to this new invention of mine, i was really glad talking to B people. But when an "A" person approached me, i felt quite terrible. So I started changing my rythm to B when talking to an "A" person, which kind of felt strange and unusual, but as long as the flow of the conversation was good, i was happy........or so I thought.
I realized one day that i couldnt switch back to my own rythm. I was stuck to "B". and sometimes to C and D as well. it was so painfull. I was trying to return to my own rythm, but i just couldnt. There were times that I managed to do so, but not for long. This whole shit lasted 2,5 freaking years. It really felt like mental torture. God im so weirddd. When i was 16, I said to myself "alright, thats ENOUGH", because my mental instability was being quite obvious to my family...and made my mother worry. So I just decided to never even think about the rythms again, and even if they would come up to my mind by themselves, i would just ignore them. The first weeks of doing that were painfull, but i managed to do it, and i was free of all that shit. I was finally free.
​
Now, you may ask yourlself (actually nobodys gonna read all that but heh): W H A T
yeah, idk either. I grew up fortunately and was sad that all that torture have taken place in my best and most interesting years, but heck it, i dont care.
Oh wait, there is more. This isnt even the thing i wanted to talk about. The title is "a weird thing im doing" not "a weird thing i was doing". So lemme tell you about the current shit im going through.
1 year ago, I realized that i was becoming kind of lazy, so i have decided to start making improvements on myself. So I asked my brain for help. But my brain works in a weird way, and likes to invent things like the rythms i mentioned before. Therefore, my brain proposed me the idea of creating a whole new me, that wouldnt be lazy and was full of energy and discipline. But i was like "nahh thats not gonna work, i dont wanna change myself that much".
So my brain said "ok lol, then we will create someone else in you, who will be doing all the hard work FOR you". I mean,i couldnt say no to such an offer. Immediately after, i created a new "personality" (its not exactly a complently diferent personality, keep reading, i explain), called him "Dog", and gave him access to my brain. Dog is a very dull personality who just obeys my orders and commands. The idea of creating him is to giving him access to do things with my mind and body that I would be too bored, lazy or afraid of doing them. He is like, a tool for me to get things done. Right now he is watching as im typing this. He is extremely loyal to me. I could insult him all day and he would be pretty fine with it. lol. as he should. (there are so many more details about him but i dont want this post to last forever)
So yeah, creating him went great. But of course, a problem soon began. The next day, I was thinking of creating another personality, just for fun, but I was afraid of doing so. But...it created itself. And gained access to my mind and started almost controlling me. Well, if I really wanted to switch back to me i could easily do that, but i needed a strong reason (like my mother busting through the door), and there wasnt such a thing so i was kind of trapped. That new personality is a personality that adores of making me look like a fool, and choke me and trying to make my body pass out. It talks like a crazy person. I call it "Beetle". Oh, after 10 mins of being trapped and couldnt take control of my body, I mentally ordered Dog to stop Beetle, and the Dog bit my hand very hard, and beetle left, and then i regained control. But the beetle would still be inside me, and still is. Its not loyal to me at all, but he takes control in rare circumstances, so i just let him be. If he ever makes a big fuss tho, he knows i can order Dog to kill him.
So yeah, long story short, i also created 2 other personalities, Armadillo and Fly. Armadillo calls himself "king" and is a personality that is very badass and mean and loves to fight. I created him because i somehow wanted to express this side of myself, without me being a part of it because i dont like violence and im really coward loollll. Fly is the same as Dog, but with an expertise in studying/reading and focusing, which i really need sometimes as well.
So yeah, with me including, we are 5 sharing the same body (you dont hear this everyday), but im mostly in control. Only beetle and armadillo can take control without my will, but they take it on specific occasions; armadillo takes control when any of my friends (yes, idk how but i DO have friends) pretends to mess with me and want a fight, and beetle takes control when im bursting from energy while being tired (idk how to explain it) but im inside the house, which it then will proceed to make fun of me and to search for a rope, if i dont order dog to bite him.
​
Now again, you may politely ask: W H A T I S W R O N G W I T H Y O U
actually no, you are probably wondering if im being honest enough about all these. I could be overreacting, and the so called "personalities" i "created" arent a big deal, but rather me being weird and having free time.
Still, even if they are indeed a silly nonsensial thing, and they are not separate from my own mind but its rather me pretending to have many "personalities" (im not refering to the mental disease. multiple personality disorder is not a joke, and i dont want to actually get that, and i feel very sorry for people going through it), i still find it interesting.
.......but i wonder, if I keep believing that these "personalities" are separate human beings from me, will I end crazy or smth? lol. Im also wondering if this "personality" thing im doing and this post in generall shows disrespect to people with multiple personality disorder. Ughh idk, if offended anyone let me know in the comments and this post will go poof.
​
p.s. also my username being literally "No-Truth" doesnt help at all lmaoo.

I was thinking about the trends from when I was in middle school (2008-2010) and can not remember this one specific collectible trend from that time period.
I remember tech decks and silly bandz but there was this one other collectible that was very popular. The only things about it that I can remember:
1) They were used to be traded for pieces you missed; but I think you could also win them in a ‘battle’ 2) They were kinda small (fit in the palm of your hand small) 3) I think they were made up of monsters or the faces on these objects were monsters 4) I’m pretty sure they were different shapes too and they definitely peaked around 2008ish.
Ill Venmo anyone who helps me somehow find what this is lol

Bold means I don’t mind if they’re Rainbow or Villain for whatever reason
​
Live Action Properties
The only ones that I’ve watched from start to finist are the Pirates movie, Enchanted 1, Into the Woods and Jungle Cruise. However, I also included the ones I didn’t watch (not to mention not on Disney+ in my region, who is more interested in promoting local drama and anime) because I like the premise…

• The Brer characters are not there since the recent controversy of Splash Mountain
• No one from Roger Rabbit there either since rights issue with Speilberg

Davy Crockett Franchise: Davy Crockett
Shaggy Dog (1959): Wilby Daniels
Darby O’Gill and the Little People: Darby O’Gill, King Brian
Babes in Toyland: Tom Piper, Mary Contrary, Barnaby, Toy Soliders
Mary Poppins: Penguin Waiters (I think the rest needs permission as the books are not public domain yet)
That Darn Cat: Darn Cat (both the original and the remake)
Love Bug: Herbie the Love Bug
Computer wore Tennis Shoe: Dexter Ridley
Bedknobs and Broomsticks: Eglantine Price, Emelius Browne, Paul, Carrie, Charlie, Mr. Codfish, King Leonidas
Pete’s Dragon: Pete, Elliott
The Cat From Outer Space: Zunar-J-5/9 Doric-4-7 (Can just written as “Jake”)
The Black Hole: V.I.N.CENT, B.O.B
Tron: Tron, Kevin Flyyn, Sam Flynn, Quorra, Clu, the MCP
Something Wicked This Way Comes: Mr. Dark
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids: Wayne Szalinski
The Rocketeer: The Rocketeer
Hocus Pocus: Max Dennison, Dani Dennison
The Santa Clause: Scott Calvin
James and the Giant Peach: James Trotter, Mr. Grasshopper, Mr. Centipede, Mrs. Ladybug, Earthworm, Miss Spider
Air Bud: Buddy
Flubber: Flubber, Prof. Brainard, Weebo
Pirates of the Caribbean (excluding anyone from the ride): Will Turner, Joshamee Gibbs, James Norrington, Jack the Monkey, Bootstraps Bill, Angelica, Blackbeard, Salazar
Lizzie McQuire: Lizzie McQuire
Enchanted: Pip, Prince Edward, Nathaniel, Robert, Nancy, Queen Narissa, Morgan
Into the Wood: The Witch
Descendants: Evie, Jay, Carlos, Audrey, Ben, Uma, Celia
Jungle Cruise: Proxima, Aguirre
​
Shorts
Like some of you, I also have some fond memories watching th classic shorts. There are a lot of things Mickey and Friends met, and I wish some of them can join…

• I don’t mind if JC only release Clarabelle and Horace as Silver and the rest as Gold to earn more money

Mickey and Friends: Pete (as regular villain,) Ortensia, Horace Horsecollar, Clarabelle Cow(as regular Silver,) The Mad Doctor, Fifi, Clara Cluck, Mortimer, Salty the Seal, Huey, Dewey and Louie ( in the DuckTales collection,) Pluto's Quintiplets, The Lonesome Ghosts, The Phantom Blot, Butch, Diana, the Armadillo from Pluto and the Armadillo, Dolores the Elephant, Louie the Mountain Lion, Humphrey the Bear, Milton, Clarice, J. Audubon Woodlore, Ludwig von Drake (in DuckTales collection)
Silly Symphony: Skeletons from The Skeleton Dance, both trees from Flowers and Trees, Practical Pig, Fiddler Pig, Fifer Pig, Big Bad Wolf, The Wise Little Hen, Max Hare, Toby Tortoise, The Hobo Cookie, Prince of Jazz, Elmer Elephant, Tilly, Abner Mouse, Monty Mouse, Ugly Duckling (1939)
Other Disney Shorts: Ferdinand the Bull, Casey Jones, Lambert the Sheepish Lion, Susie the Little Blue Coupe, The Little House, Prof. Owl, Benjamin Franklin, Amos Mouse, Paul Bunyan, Babe, Goliath II, Small One, John Henry, Lorenzo the Cat, Little Match Girl, Nessie, Winston from Feast
Pixar Shorts: Luxo Jr., Tinny, Knick Knack, Geri, Lamb from Boundin', Jackalope, Treble, Bass, Presto, Alec Azam, Gus the cloud, Bambino, Purl, Kitten and Pitbull from Kitbull, Gia

Hi folks!
Bah, this turned out loooooooooooong have a...
TL;DR: Got great player back while picking off 2 unwon backgrounds and gods. Sif on melee is cool. Meteorans are kinda interesting until they're not. I need to win with Am, En and Hw backgrounds and TSO, Ely, Yred and Nem - any suggestions on interesting combos?
After wandering away from the game for a bit after getting to Great Player plus a few more wins I came back to return myself to glory! In writing this I've found I actually posted about great player almost exactly a year ago, clearly it's the time of year for Dcss!
In the last year there have been a bunch of changes to the game, most notably for me being the changes to launchers and Dex scaling on blades (I think opportunity attacks were a thing when I left?)
So let's talk about some games. For both I was trying to tick off new species / background / god to keep things interesting.
AtRe^Sif
Eurgh, I don't really like armataurs. Weirdly bad aptitudes, -armor mutation, low Dex and rampage is a bit of a confused combo for my money, and the low drop rate for barding hurts too. I also entirely ignore the Reaver starting book as it didn't really give me a reason not too - I basically just see the background as handicap, not sure if that's the prevailing opinion.
My plan was to don the heaviest armour I could find, try and find a carryish god I hadn't won before, pump armor earlier than usual and see how things went. After a few splats, I got pretty blessed by RNG.
A faded altar at D2 gave me Sif. Pretty sure I was hoping for Nem off of this altar but Sif it was. I resisted the urge to Ctrl+Q I rolled with it and, spoilers, I'm very glad I did. D7 had Maggie with wyrmbane. I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth so polearms it was!
I've never really played Sif before and always thought of them as a caster god. But I was eating well on the wyrmbane and thought that pumping some invo so I could scam some level 9 spells later would be neat. So, on went the ammy of faith and a chunk of XP into invo and Divine Exegesis was online way sooner than I expected. I was intrigued when I shattered through some gauntlet walls to abscond with some loot. I was fully sold the first time I summoned a hoard of dragons in my plate around XL14. And with faith on that kept happening. A lot. A +9 Trishula from Menas (dragon food) and Scales of the Golden Dragon king rounded out this absurd character later in the game. This was great fun and pretty unlike anything I'd played before - love the depth of this game! By the end of this one my heart had softened towards that particular armadillo centaur thing.
MeNe^Kiku
So Deep dwarves got the chop for another race with weird healing rules? I do think Meteorans are interesting and Dd's only saving grace was that a Vamp Axe and Mak could do enough heavy lifting that they weren't too painful to win with once the gimmick got old. But Meteoran is hard. Even with good clock juggling you're likely to leave a chunk of consumables on the floor. They make exploration a tactical part of the game which can be interesting but it's also pretty gruelling and wore me down enough I made some silly run-ending mistakes in some games. I'm satisfied with my victory but I don't see myself busting them out again particularly soon.
Why Ne^Kiku? Well since roundly trashing them in my last post Ne and Kiku have had a chunk of QoL tweaks. Necrotise isn't bad, wretches is amazing, Kiku books are clutch. Also, with such a short amount of time you want to snowball each level. First with skeles, then with zombies, then spirits, then add in some scarabs for a real party. That was the plan along with going for Str (polearms and heavier armour) or Dex (blades and dodging) based on what the Dungeon offered.
After a lot of early splats I managed to get something going with +6 spear of Mang {vorpal, rPois rF++ rC- Int+3}. Being able to melee stuff in that awkward gap before Death Channel seemed to be the difference for me. So the strength path it was! Kiku in the temple on D6, Death Channel learnt on D10. After a lapse of concentration vs Sonja I ended up in abyss on D13 (after Lair and Orc) where I apparently learned infestation in Abyss 2 (bold move). I don't recall anything else too eventful until Zot which is always a nail-biter and I'm a big fan of diving it on meteorans. After a few Wretches -> Wretches -> DC -> Infestation to get down there and then clear out Z5 I was running a bit low on Kiku piety and a few mistakes unfortunate incidents meant I was really feeling the consumable scarcity, especially on blinks. But I grabbed the orb, burnt a few things to get out of Z5 and started the ascent, where the RNG gods were very unkind:
23600 Zot:1 Noticed a seraph
23609 Zot:1 Noticed a seraph (yep, that's two and they both came with cherubim)
23826 D:14 Noticed Limaeras the pandemonium lord
23863 D:14 Killed Limaeras the pandemonium lord
24021 D:8 Reached XP level 27. HP: 176/206 MP: 25/37 (sure, why not)
24075 D:4 Noticed Raynum the pandemonium lord
24269 D:2 Noticed Pesaz the pandemonium lord
24286 D:2 Mangled by Pesaz the pandemonium lord
24286 D:2 Mangled by Pesaz the pandemonium lord
Yep, that's right - I died on D2 the hard way. Dispelling bolts and being all out of blinks etc my meteoran got slapped to death by a weird disco monster. Now, I definitely screwed up somewhere here, I forgot the clock stopped when you got the orb so I wasn't stair resting, I probably could have found a way to make some distance and run etc. But I think I genuinely didn't believe I could lose so close to the exit. Sorry, not sorry for the fake-out.
And that's when meteorans stopped being fun for me! I had another splat in Vaults where no rC meant I got wombo-combo'd by the frost caster guys plus a handful of other runs in the Orc -> S branches range.
The actual win came today. An early Vampire's Tooth put me on the Dex path and the game was mostly smooth sailing other than a dicey moment where I'd created my army for Spider 4 and then got exploration teleported into the rune chamber, but a few blinks and a tele got me back with my gang and we rolled from there. The final orb run was much easier than my previous tragedy, along with a more measured resting strat and better piety preservation in Zot there wasn't really anything to worry about and I was my meteoran was free.
Secret extra recent win: OpTm^Ru
Another new background and god. I was getting frustrated with the above two so reverted to my beloved slippery ring bearers. I don't think this game was super interesting. Ice form is better than I remembered (possibly more skilling on the TM side than the UC side helped). I got storm form at a suitable point. I sacrificed a hand, courage and evocables to Ru and didn't particularly miss any of them (possibly the hand screwed my UC dmg, did enough anyway!) and slither-flew my way through without anything too eventful other than enjoying the blinkbolt + powerleap mobility combo!
What's next?
Well, I'm pretty close to polytheist and greater player, so hoping to chop those off - although with the holidays coming up it might be tricky to make time. I've left myself with the background archetype I hate most "let's take a normal background and hybridize it from turn 0!". I love hybridising but, for me, the fun is in riding a power spike from one strat into another before your original plan doesn't get it done on its own. These all feel like pulling in two different directions. So I've got:
- Bad brigand (Enchanter)
- Bad hunter (Hex slinger)
- Bad caster (Hedge Wizard)
Then for gods it's just the ones that I haven't happened to win with:
- Nem - I've definitely died in Zot with Nem whose destro cards couldn't carry a mace wielding Meteoran.
- Yred I've got to vaults I think and had a great enslaved lacky, although I can't remember who it was now.
- TSO and Ely I've done less with because they just seem a bit more vanilla!
So, can you fine folks help me pair up these backgrounds and gods (ideally with a species too) for my push to the remaining trophies?
If you made it this far then thanks a bunch for reading! I hope you learnt something interesting or had a good laugh at my misfortune / idiocy.

Lately my OCD has been stuck on obsessing over certain eras like the 2000s and early 2010s. I really miss my childhood and I wish there were things I could experience again. I also feel that with my Autism it’s also causing me to regress from the trauma and anxiety I’ve experienced over the years at home and school. I wish I could relive the fun times where I wasn’t struggling with drama in school and home. I wish I could be able to play again and go back to when I was happy without having to worry and struggle. I keep hyper focusing on the 2000s when I would play with the Bratz dolls & I keep obsessing over a Toys R Us store that I used to go to. I also keep obsessing over how in the 2000s I used to go to a Mervyns and KB Toys store in the mall. My OCD keeps obsessing over my toys that I played with. I still have most of my dolls and other tots saved in a storage shed but others toys were unfortunately given away in yard sales and my mom didn’t give me a choice and now OCD keeps obsessing over the regret that those toys are there anymore. I also keep obsessing over watching movie on VHS and his I would go to the video store to rent movies. I also keep obsessing over the Silly Bandz that I collected during middle school in 2011 and how my mom got rid of them in a garage sale and I miss them so much which is sad because I won’t be able to see them again. I also obsess over all the 2010 fashions like with rubber wristbands from Hot Topic and Claire’s, also need glasses and duct tape wallets. I also still obsess over Rainbow Loom from 2013 and how much fun I had buying different colors of Rainbow Loom rubber bands and different kits to make bracelets. All of those things are trends and hobbies I wish I could relieve again.

[Opens at Vampire Residence]
Lazlo: What the shit!
[Nandor, Nadja, and the guide rush in]
Nadja: My horny armadillo, what is it?
Lazlo [raises up Ipad]: Look and tell me!
Nandor: When did you have eye of pads?
Nadja: A gift from Sean--
Lazlo: SEANIE!!!! [Raises Ipad up, gesturing for the rest to come] See! See here! It reads, after the much-warranted praise for the "Toast of Tinseltown", British actor Matt Barry will be conducting a new miniseries, "The Toast of Broadway", I mean look at him! Don't you notice anything?
The Guide: Pretty dashing, may not be a Van Helsing . . .
Lazlo: He bloody looks like me!
Nandor [chuckles]: Oh, Lazlo, so infatuated with yourself you project on just about anybody.
Lazlo [glares]: It's not half of it. See! His Tinsletown co-stars, Kayvan Novak and Natasia Demtriou will reprise their fan favorite roles alongside him. [shoves the Ipad to them]
Nadja: My eyes! My hair!
Nandor: My award winning smile! It's even relentless.
Lazlo: Vamps, you know what this means?
Nadja: Fae!
Nandor: Ghouls!
Lazlo: Dopplegangers!
Everyone, sans the guide: What?
Lazlo: Dopplegangers, the universe's way of determining a superior being is to fight themselves to the death!
Nandor: Don't be silly, obviously, they are ghouls. A shapeshifting djinn who eats the flesh of the living and recently disposed corpses. Isn't that right, djinn?
Djinn [standing by the stairwell]: Not my part of the family to touch upon.
Nadja: Oh please, both of you! It's obviously, the fae, they sent changelings after us.
Lazlo: Blood dove, did not witness the dumpster fairies at the bizarre, this too advanced for them.
The guide: I think i may know! Aliens!
The vamps: What!?
[Confession Cam, the guide sits before the crew]
The Guide: Don't let anyone else know this, but I may have had copied Colin Robinson's card information for a HBO MAX subvscription, and I came across this niche documentary "Wellington Paranormal". One may think, if all this was on camera why isn't exposure rampant? Then reminds me, no watches it. But anyways, there's these aliens of some plant material who take human shape. Nifty theory, huh?
[Confession Cam changes to Deer Woman from Reservation Dogs}
Deer Woman [arms crossed]: This better be quick . . . It's a long haul from the rez. Have you been a good man? Don't lie. I hate it when men lie--
[Back to the vampire residence, Guillermo and Colin are on the couch before Lazlo]
Lazlo: Gizmo, Robinson. It must be killing you as to know why I summoned you!
Guillermo: I really wasn't--"
Lazlo: There appears to be ill magic at work. Me, Nadja, and Nandor appear to have doppelgangers of sorts. And since you two are spared of this plague, I'm sending you two to Man-Hatta to investigate and verify if this devilishly handsome Matt Berry is to be trusted or not. Same goes for this Novak fellow and this vixen Demetriou. If they're to be trusted, send Berry my correspondence. There's a series of fantasies I think me and Nadja shall indulge.

I had a dream that Disney XD was showing reruns of Doug back-to-back for an hour early in the afternoons. This pair of episodes was from the third Disney season, but I didn't remember them at all. The theme song was the same, but the opening sequence was different, instead showing shots of Doug's friends engaged in different activities. One person each, over solid-colored backgrounds which corresponded to their skin colors. The only shot I remember is Beebe's. She was taking a bubble bath, except she was replaced by a purple Silly Bandz in the shape of her.
I'm not sure what the cold open was anymore, but I remember the episode title sequence. The lights were already on in the room when Doug opened the door, and he had much longer legs than usual, and he may have also been green like Roger. Piles of cardboard boxes filled the room, and, as he reached the center of the room, his limbs began to contort and oscillate in size. Porkchop and the huge "DOUG" on the wall were nowhere to be found. The screen zoomed out to reveal the title above, written in a grungy red and yellow font that was nigh-unreadable: "DA-DUM-TSSHHH".
The episode started at Doug's house. He was in his room, packing his things into boxes for some reason, even though they weren't moving or vacationing. His parents were talking to him in the doorway. Apparently, Doug was struggling in school or something and was in danger of failing. I can't remember the exact details at this point.
Doug decided to ask one of his friends for help. He met Skunky outside on the sidewalk, except he was named "Walter Murphy" or something (he only went by his last name, though) and looked completely different. For one thing, his face was yellow and round, almost like a lemon. Doug asked "Murphy" what he took to school with him every day.
"So, what do you take to school with you? Your penis?" "Yeah, I take my penis. Want to see it?" "Sure."
I remember being shocked and amazed that Jim Jinkins and Disney greenlit something like this. At the same time, I hoped my parents never found out about it.
"Murphy" then started to undo the front of his pants, only for a hornet to fly out of his pants instead. There was some more dialogue, but I'm not sure what it was. It cut to a wide shot of Doug and Murphy, revealing that Doug now had his pants off and was wearing red long-johns underneath. Doug began to panic suddenly, shouting that he didn't want to die, before running around in circles screaming. Murphy tried to calm him down, but couldn't. Doug curled up into a ball in front of a mailbox and began to cry. Murphy put his arm around and told him that it was okay and that he would help him.
The next scene had Doug and Murphy at an indoor skating rink. Shenanigans occurred. I don't remember what they were, but I know they were shenanigans. Everything after that is too fuzzy for me to remember.
The second episode didn't really feature Doug at all, instead focusing on his friends and a bunch of background characters. Again, my memory of this part is extremely fuzzy, but even more so to the point where I can only remember one specific scene. Doug's friends were all taking dance lessons. The dances may as well have been from another planet. This culminated in everyone singing a musical number while lying on their stomachs on the ground and kicking their legs upward in what I can only assume was a bizarre variation on a chorus line.

I felt bored, and while listening to voice clip compilations, I thought it'd be fun to ask y'all about your favorite quotes, because I do like listening to them a lot. Sometimes I turn off the sound AND music so I can just hear the racers comment on everything. Here's all of mine...
Crash/Baby Crash: Gotta love the iconic WOAH, but personally my favorite is the hilarious grumble he makes when losing a race. He sounds like an angry dog attempting to speak English.
Cortex/Baby Cortex: "I'm an evil scientist! What do you expect?" With special mention to his hilarious "D'ouch!" when getting damaged.
Tiny: I do so love his "WOAH-HO-HO". It makes me feel so powerful. Special mention to his "JUMP HIGH!" If we're talking CNK though...I will never get tired of his loud, manly "OOOOOOUCH!!!"
Coco/Baby Coco: I love when she pulls out her "Get in the slow lane, buddy!" I KNOW it gets people tilted, and it's GLORIOUS.
N. Gin: I love his little "This one's mine!" when passing a racer. It's cute and it gives me confidence.
Dingodile: MOVE OVAH MATE
Polar: There's something amusing about his laughs when he's hit with a shield up. Imagine how it feels to get mocked by a polar bear cub. It's gotta feel unpleasant.
Pura: For some reason when I hear his squashed lines, I just crack up. MRRROW
Penta: penguin yay one
Ripper Roo: Sometimes when losing, he'll just sob, and there's just something upsetting and cute about that...
Papu Papu: One of his spin-out lines is a simple "OOPS." I feel you, Papu. I feel you.
Komodo Joe: I love his little "Hang on!" when doing a trick jump. Especially combined with his animation that makes him look he's coming at you for a hug! :3
Pinstripe: WOAAAAAAAAAAH
Fake Crash: One of his win quotes involves him saying "They thaid it wath impoffible!" and it's just INCREDIBLE to see this boy defy the odds.
Nitros Oxide: I kinda miss the adorable way he says "Try again!" from the original game, but it's still pretty good here. For now I'll go with his cry of "EARTHLING GUNK!" when hit, it's hilarious.
Tropy/Baby Tropy: I LOVE the way he says "BLIMEY!" It cracks me up every. time.
Crunch: Honestly I really miss his CNK voice acting...his spin-out lines are really funny though.
Krunk: His victory quote of "You will have to do better than that!" is badass, but honestly his "THIS IS UNACCEPTABLEEEEEEEE!" is too funny for me NOT to go with.
Small Norm:...well he's Small Norm, but I do kinda dig his spin-out whistles.
Big Norm: OH, THAT TICKLES! Though there's something comical to me about how one of his losing lines is the resigned "Well, you can't have them all, right?" but on the (offline) podium he looks ready to wring Megumi's neck or something-
Nash: "Keep moving, keep moving, keep moving"...Although I also dig his smug little "Are you falling asleep back there?"
N. Trance: There's something intimidating about the way he says "Why, you..." when hit, even moreso than N. Gin's case. He sounds ready to kill you in your sleep.
Real Velo: His badass victory quote of "You're no match for me!" is great, but I gotta go for the way he says "Maximum velocityyyyyyyy!", it's great fun.
Geary: I LOVE how when he's blown up with some explosive, all he says sometimes is a slightly miffed "Stop that." It's even funnier than in the original CNK.
Zam: One of his item drop noises sounds more angry than anything, and I feel that when I get another freaking TNT three times in a row on Tiger Temple-
Zem: When he loses and says "Ooh I feel sick..." Yeah, I don't blame him. Especially on Drive-Thru Danger or something.
Tawna: TFW you smack into a red beaker on the first blue fire pad on Prehistoric Playground, and all she says is a grumpy "Oh, no..." That's pretty much how I feel whenever I spin out.
Ami: One of the cases where there's so many I find it hard to choose. I love her adorable Muttley-like giggle when she drops items sometimes, I love her spin-out lines, I love her "Ugh, could you..." when blown up by a Nitro...hell even her seldom-heard "Oh, man!" is cute. But at the end of the day I love her "WOO!" or "Awesome!" when trick-jumping. That combined with her ever-so-happy animation when taking the big leap in Electron Avenue? ADORABLE.
Megumi: One of her damage lines is a simple "Oh, rude!" And that's pretty much how I feel when I get Warp Orb'd.
Liz: Where to begin...well her "Your mum's an armadillo!" is iconic. Her "Are you havin' a laugh?" is relatable. Her little "Hee-hee-hee!" when selected and on the podium is adorable. She has so many great quotes it's crazy. I'll probably still go with the iconic armadillo insult at the end of the day, but special mention to one of her trick jump quotes where she says "YES!"...but the way she says it makes it sound like she's saying her own name. Thus when trick-jumping as her I just like to say "LIIIIIZ!!!"
Isabella: I was gonna go with her adorable "Ow!" when burned, but then I remembered her hilarious mangled "OH NO-" when she's squashed. That's amazing.
Baby T: His excited "HEY HEY!" when he's selected is infectious. I sometimes imitate it when selecting him, lol.
Spyro: dragon your feet
Hunter: I love his excited "Nobody outraces a cheetah!" when winning sometimes, it's really cool.
Gnorc: WAAAAAAAH-HOOOOOOOO
Nina Cortex: Sometimes I like to deliberately drive into nitros with her just to hear her "Ow, my sinuses..." That's always gonna be a classic.
N. Brio: "MY BRAIN IS LIKE JELLY!"
Komodo Moe: I like when you select him and he says "I'm just ssssso good!" And I also like his awesome "Sssurrender to the Komodo Bros!" victory line.
Pasadena O'Possum: Devilish little woman says "Better you more than me!" when hit while shielded sometimes. She wishes the pain of warp orbs on you rather than herself. Pure evil.
Von Clutch: AU MY NECKBONES
Koala Kong: Not much to go on here, but I do like his "Ah-ah-ah!" when hit with a shield.
King Chicken: Most people think he's a normal nonsapient chicken...but listen to his joyous clucks when winning sometimes. He is as sapient as you and me. Hail to the king!
Hasty: AAAABSOLUTE CEILIIIING
Rilla Roo (both): I like his increasingly excited hooting when he wins sometimes, it's oddly cute.
Yaya Panda: Look at my flair
Chick: OH GOOD MORE ABUSE. That or his hilarious electrocution lines.
Stew: StoooOOOOO COMIN' TRHOUGH
Megamix: That crazy AH-HA-HEE-HA-HA is everything. Hearing it is a rush of adrenaline I don't get from many other characters.
Emp. Velo XXVII: DON'T GET LOOOOST IN MY EXHAAAAUST! Smug fat gremlin just loves being condescending doesn't he...
Lab Assistant: Barely play him, but his silly laugh when winning is always infectious.
Crate: Love his winning podium speech. Poetry.
Phew, that was a lot of typing. Anyway, feel free to take it from here! I'm gonna give my fingers a rest...

[FIRST] [PREVIOUS] [DELETED SCENES]
At some point in the future, I think I'll rewrite C'Leena Thomas for content, pacing, plot holes, continuity errors and whatever else you readers point out that I've invariably missed. This story and world grew so far beyond the original writing prompt it's unreal and my skill at writing has only improved due to feedback from you all. Thank you all for sticking with me. Finally, forgive my pseudo-technobabble.
A portion of this chapter was inspired by my late father's love of a certain, old muscle car. I miss him so much.
A bit of Woqplw's internal politics are revealed here.
Some distressing elements are observed in this chapter.
~ ~ ~
Miv had told many lies the last month.
Lying to Government Assessors about the value of the Farm for lower taxation, lying about the profitability of the farm to the bank, lying about being able to legally work and lastly, lying about her legality to service adults in the VIP rooms of the adult-only nightclub she illegally worked at.
Her gimmick as a know-it-all dirtier-than-expected self-styled teacher raked in credits, especially when the "Quiz Night" gimmick she pitched had gotten approval from the owner. The questions progressively got harder, and exponentially more expensive, but worth more points in the 'Quiz.' The placed prizes typically varied, usually including free dances with a girl of choice or a cleared and forgiven tab, but the grand prize was herself in a VIP room setting as well whatever else was in the Placed Prizes. Her "assistants" walked the club and made sure that cheating didn't take place, and if found, resulted in an arbitrary reduction of points decided by non-participants.
First Contact Day had proven quite lucrative, especially since it fell on her Quiz Night.
Miv rather liked it, the money and attention, from all manner of species and genders. She had become skilled in such risque... capabilities out of necessity, so that she would be requested by name and earn tips, gratuity and reputation to further increase her commissioned pay.
Her mother's farm, willed to be hers, was deep in the red.
Now, Miv was having second thoughts about her current actions. She was hyperventilating, knuckles white on the steering rack as she sat parked in a free and public parking garage. Her eyes saw the image of her mother's plastic, high end portrait picture stuck into a corner of the main display and her mind slowly calmed down. After all, this is what her Mother said she had to do when they inexpertly communed together in her bedroom. She did so five more times thereafter, getting better with each communion, yet her Mother had said the same things.
Getting out of the hovercar, she whispered to herself, "Plquin, grant me strength for what I'm about to do."
Opening her father's trunk with the stolen key fob, she took her self defense baton, a low-yield civilian grade neural scrambler, and jabbed it hard into the gut of the figure stuffed inside twice. Her Father spasmed as the device took effect for the fifth time and he fell limp and drooling once more. Miv closed the trunk without a second thought, making sure no one saw her and that she had her briefcase in hand. She looked the part of a business woman, if a little young. However, skilled use of high end cosmetics allowed her to look a little older, giving the impression of an older woman trying to look young again instead of a blossoming adolescent trying to look like an older woman. The other women at the nightclub proved invaluable in that regard.
Having already gotten the information from her father about how and where to talk to his illegal debtor, which involved quite the shouting match and the surgical precision of very hurtful words.
Miv learned a lesson that day. Words often cut deeper than any blade could ever hope to match.
She held no remorse after inflicting such deep verbal and emotional trauma to her stepfather.
She walked into Tal-Vi's premier, multifunctional sports stadium with a mission, eyes narrowed. With the pace of her gait, long practiced at the nightclub, the facade she aired had beings of all sorts getting out of her way. The way her feet tap-clicked in her dress shoes on the pavement combined with her straight and uncomfortable posture further added to the look of someone with an actual purpose.
"How can I help you?" The receptionist, a alightly violet M'nau Yil woman asked from behind the transparent aluminum. It had to have been scorching in that particular booth, the clerk was not wearing the typical heated jackets they needed and was instead wearing a very pretty, multispectral tie-dyed sundress of various fractal designs.
"I need to speak to The Merchant, or one of his direct representatives, about a legal matter regarding a one Gopx Zleqpyexw, and the many debts he owes," Miv found herself stating unusually professionally to the M'nau Yil woman, A-mýi Thasst, her nameplate at the bottom of the window declared, "it is most urgent that I speak to him in person, however. If it would speed the process along, I am Gopx's daughter seeking audience."
"This is new, ok, I'll pass word along, this should be hilarious," the female M'nau Yil said from her service desk, "wait somewhere in sight, I'll send someone along for you at his convenience."
"Oh! One more thing!" Miv found herself asking, facade slipping a bit, "your dress, it's so pretty! Where did you get it?"
A'mýi Thasst answered with a smile, "The Complete Crescent."
Miv nodded and left the betting stalls with a quick thanks, moving to a bench to sit down. The stadium had become a racing derby, for wheeled vehicles of every conceivable design. She had looked into it before arriving, just in case, and the rules were relatively simple. Whatever locomotive source of power was used, had to be inside the vehicle and such energy had to drive axels or power the wheels directly. There were more laws and regulations, but that was the gist of it. She recalled a recent article she had read when she was researching the derby saying that there was a team of Terrans from the Outer Sol Coalition of Dwarf Planets petitioning to compete who's spokesperson said, if she remembered correctly, "We want to show you xenos how wheels really work." Everyone knew that Terrans still used wheeled vehicles over hovering ones.
What was up with that anyways?
The long wait was bearable as she had been inside rather than out in the hot summer air. During her wait she watched the various holoprojector displays showing various teams set up around the area and found that the day's simulated course was a winding one across nearly five [miles] of large sandbars and shallow ocean. All sorts of twists and turns, straightaways, and hidden dangerous, partially submerged reefs. It was a qualifying round, oddly enough, and only the top fourty contestants would be allowed to actually compete in the thirteen ranked-point races to be held all over Woqplw's Sports Stadiums in differing, simulated environments.
There were over three hundred applicants for the event and would take rotations to complete.
Miv had no idea wheeled vehicle derbies had become so popular. She found herself silently rooting for an unknown out-system Gloipty team known as the All Terrain Earthers, which was a strange name because there was not a single Terran on the team in any capacity. They had claimed that their proceeds would help Dantrixst IV refugees on both sides of the conflict. The All Terrain Earthers team claimed to use a nearly ancient Terran Republic vehicle design and had trained with it extensively.
With not much else to do as she waited, she looked up the statistics of the vehicle their team had based theirs on with her phone. It was a positively ancient locomotion system using internal combustion of all things! However, the eight-sequence internal combustion engine was far more advanced than anything she had ever seen before holding the same classifications.
The limited engineering knowledge she had stated that the design used was nearly all analog, nothing was automated. What ATE had stated was that they had improved the older Terran design with new technologies, advancements in fuel-air combustion mixtures, stronger, lighter and simply more durable materials, and lastly, super conductive cooling green energy technologies. Such materials converted heat into electricity, albeit very inefficiently, which provided free power to very low yield shielding emitters placed throughout the wheeled machine.
The shield emitter arrays provided wheel augmentation to get the perfect grip on any surface, funneled air into certain places of the engine for optimal cooling, and lastly, protected the driver and vehicle in the event of a crash, potentially saving both and allowing the driver to resume racing without too much damage done.
She had to admit, the Chevelle Neo SS Mach 5, as they called it, looked like an absolute beast of a unit. The oversized internal combustion engine was more than half the length of the entire vehicle. The current wheels were just as monstrous as the vehicle, huge and angularly scooped for sand and water terrain specialization. The wheel mounts being modified to accommodate such large, custom built tires. The Chevelle was painted in a nice cledistrp beetle blue, using an expert blending of pigments to allow multispectral species as well as those of lesser visual acuity to see the beautiful, metallic color and superior, enameled gloss.
The vehicle was pretty enough to belong in a collection or a prestigious museum of technology and she felt that doing so would be a great disservice to the magnificent machine.
The design was as true to the original as possible, or so ATE claimed, including it needing an analog transmission. Some allowances were made, however, mostly involving driver physiology. There was an onboard AI though it was only able to offer tips and guidance in the guise of navigator, doing so on the transparent aluminum windshield display, as well as maintaining the shield emitting mechanisms. Everything else was purely driver skill and machine capability.
They got first, by a wide margin of many minutes, upending whatever betting pool had been established for them, making a few individuals substantially more affluent. The footage from inside the driver's seat showed that the Gloipty driver argued with and ignored most of his AI's guidance and did things with the vehicle it was not meant to do, such as drifting on loose sand and surface water. The press invariably interviewed the driver at the finish line.
"Mr. Jookiba!" a Dynoshean female shouted, the sash she was wearing declared her position of "PRESS" in Galactic Alliance Standard, standing over most present, using her size and assertiveness to intimidate the other reporters into silence for the moment, "Why did you ignore your AI so much?"
The large armadillo-man, clad in a very vibrant overshirt consisting of a clashing floral pattern, bare chest underneath, and some kind of athletic shorts of the same design, revealing his great musculature and said rather jovially, "Easy! AI mostly wrong! Haha!! Jookiba smarter, quicker than silly AI here! Ha!"
"How did you get such a quick qualifying time?" A Tuxys in a gravity harness system asked, raising to the height of both the female Dynoshean and that of the Gloipty driver.
"Easy! I races with Terrans! Out in Monarchy of Lords! Much challenges there! Real terrain there!" Jookiba said, starting to get animated with his hands, moving around the reporters, "Much danger there, real races there, I listen to AI there, MIFUNE better there."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS MORE CHALLENGING THERE!?" someone managed to shout causeing Jookiba to look around to see who asked the question.
"Aha! You! Mipobz man! I answer! Terrans still use wheels! Best wheeled vehicles in whole galaxy!" Then, the Gloipty became serious, a stark change came about him, but he was quite polite in the next moment, asking, "May I borrow?"
"Sure?" the Mipobz man said, handing over the microphone and moving out of the way so the camera drone that was with him had a good angle of the driver.
"Is this on! Hello? No matter," Jookiba said, "No Terran here because no challenge! I, Jookiba, beat all of records using -slghtly modified- Terran design three hundred and twenty three years old! I am calling of the out on all you Terrans! I give challenge! Then you give me challenge! Ha! I dare you! No! Triple double of dog dare you! I, Jookiba, upon Breaking of Promise Pinky Swear, no single Terran beat me twice! Using similar technology! Internal combustion engine! Manual transmission! Power steering! Roll cage optional, but recommended! I have time, maybe, two more questions!" The Gloipty driver said, giving back the microphone.
"How did you do that sliding technique on those sharp corners!" A S'prau-ling woman asked, clad in some kind of leaf-like dress, making it impossible to tell where she began or ended.
"Very old Terran racing technique called drifting. Last question! You there! Pretty M'nau Yil man!"
The M'nau Yil man was indeed quite fetching, having his blue-tinted crystalline skin polished into a matte finish, and wearing the latest fashion for his kind. The heat of the sun and tarmac not bothering him in the slightest. "You're pretty much guaranteed first spot in the next race series, what should we expect from you besides placing top three?"
"The breakings of all the records of course!" Jookiba said with a laugh, "No more questions, please, need to get back to work. But you three! Come! I give special tour of team!" He pointed to the Mipobz that let him borrow his microphone, the Tuxys in the gravity harness and the S'prau-ling woman.
"The Merchant will see you now," a voice from Miv's side said after a long while, startling her a bit.
Miv nodded and followed the burly Nyymeian she had seen once or twice before into back rooms and into an elevator.
~ ~ ~
Giok Mulplqourz had a fondness for certain kinds of high-stakes gambling, legal or otherwise. While he did research on what or whom he was betting on or against, sometimes, he went with the deep feelings in his bones. Most times, such instincts were correct, rarely, they were wrong. For the moment, however, he knew hard facts which superceded any kind of instinct his bones were screaming at him. The substantial bet he had placed upon the team known as All Terrain Earthers had netted him quite a significant wealth increase. However, his secondary bet, that The All Terrain Earthers would keep First Position throughout the entire series was a tad bit more tenuous.
There were other Teams using old and ancient Terran Republic vehicle designs. They did not, however, have Jůmbä's real world racing experience in real and dangerous locations. Regardless of what team won the Series, he would approach the entirety of the first place team for an endorsement on high grade Terran tires to go with the newly acquired metanational trade license to ship a much wider array of Terran civilian wheeled vehicles into Woqplw.
That particular project had taken nearly a whole solar rotation and large sums of donations to many people and organizations. The fruits of that labor were just over the horizon and already in route, his communications with the Terran Bureau of Metanational Commerce had stated it.
Currently, he was in a private room in the upper stadium penthouse levels watching the next contestant with little interest, the holoprojector showing drone footage of the round. The team he had wanted to watch had already completed their run and did not disappoint. The current driver, when compared to Mr. Jůmbä, was little more than a novice.
There were five others with him in the pleasantly decorated room. CEOs and top tier lawyers of Praerebus Alloys, LLC, made up the majority of beings, however, Grindal was present and watchful as ever, half paying attention to the qualifying runs.
"I do appreciate you having us all here, Mr. Mulplqourz," the lead executive said, "but I'm certain it's not for an order placement, no matter how big."
The middle-aged Yom Dera woman was smartly dressed, the white, natural-fiber fabric she was wearing held gold and jade embroidered designs all along the edges. The garb hung down her front and back freely, reminiscent of breech cloth coverings from their hunter-gatherer era. A pleated sash wrapped around her waist and was tied into a large bow at the right side served to preserve her modesty and allow free use of movement. A similar sash was wrapped around her chest, but was held together by an expertly made clasp made of gold and jade and fashioned after a small, jungle lifeform native to her home planet. The silver sunglasses she had over her large eyes were stylish and framed her face excellently.
Giok Mulplqourz eyed the woman across the table from him. He collected his thoughts for a moment before speaking, "You are half correct, there's something important I want your company to consider."
"Since we're here, we might as well listen," a Nyymeian male said. Burly and strong, like most of his species, however, Grindal was still significantly larger. The Nyymeian was wearing a well tailored black suit with vibrant, purple trim.
Giok simply said with a grin, "I would like your company to join mine in the creation of a new Trading Guild, I also need your company to produce various thorium enriched gold alloys to completely fill the hold of a titan-class freighter, in perpetuity, every sixty or so rotations."
"That's nearly the entirety of our output capacity!" An aging Mipobz female said in near exasperation. She was wearing a simple and well made, natural fiber, blue flowing sundress, "that's... millions, no, billions of credits! Just in product! That's not even counting storage or security fees! Where do you even have such money?"
"That's not your concern, you'll have your credits, and I already have a storage facility and security retinue. I believe our financiers can negotiate a fair payment contract, for the both of us."
The lead Yom Dera spoke again, "Besides the issue of our production capacity, how are you even going to start a new Guild? You'd need the head of a Noble House and five other willing companies. All the Noble Houses already have trading guilds of their own."
"I just happen to know of a newly minted Noble House, Miss Yvoert," Giok said to the Yom Dera, "I also happen to be on good terms with her and can most certainly get her to agree to having a Trading Guild under her name and banner. At any rate, I do need that alloy, at least ten percent of what I stated due in thirty or so rotations."
"What other companies would you want in this guild of yours?" Miss Yvoert asked, fully interested then said after a brief mental calculation, "that amount of material can be manufactured in the timeframe alloted."
"I'd rather not say too much, I don't need word of this getting out until everything is ready. However, I am thinking of a mercenary contingent to act as armed escorts. Pirates seem to have quite the taste for my metanational enterprises."
"Yes, they have become a problem," Miss Yvoert agreed, "for us as well."
"You can't just induct mercenaries into a guild," the Nyymeian in the black suit said matter of factly.
"I know," Giok replied easily, "that would make them an official militia."
The talks went on for a long time.
~ ~ ~
Miv Zleqpyexw was driving home late that night, her bones aching with nervousness and anxiety about what she had done earlier that day. Her stepfather had made her do the books, since it was technically her farm, she noticed small discrepancies that could be dismissed as daily errors.
Then those errors grew worse and worse.
She then kept her own records, separate from that of her stepfather's, and she knew someone was stealing a lot of money. Then loan notifications from a bank known for predatory lending practices started coming in, billed to the property itself rather than a specific person. Only her stepfather could do that, since he was Caretaker of the vertical farming installations until she became of age. She had figured he had done so out of desperation to try to get things running, and had believed so until she learned that he was also in a lot of illegal gambling debt to someone that ran an underground blood sports arena.
That person just happened to be part of a powerful Syndicate.
She watched the scenery zoom past, her stepfather's car in automatic mode, as she continued to think about everything. Ever since she had learned that he was in so much debt, she had done whatever she had to do to ease the strain from the banking loans and had ransacked his study for financial information or anything else that could help.
That was when she discovered something.
A copy of an agreement between Gopx and Planetary Enforcement. Such a document should have been in a far more secure location than someone's home and why her stepfather had it in a drawer was a mystery. It was hard for her to see through all the legal terms and roundabout wording, but she felt she understood the core of the documents.
If Gopx could manage to sign over the deed to Giok Mulplqourz, which would be illegal as the Farm was not his, it would create a cascade of bizarre and quite convoluted legalities that would allow Planetary Enforcement to fully look into Mr. Mulplqourz's accounts, holdings, properties and anything else without court approval, in return, the loans to the banks would be forgiven in full.
Miv felt it in her bones that such a thing was not so simple and she did not trust the Banking Guild nor Planetary Enforcement. In the end, she took matters into her own hands and communed with her mother multiple times, culminating in the events of today.
She told Mr. Mulplqourz everything, even giving him copies of the all the documents she cobbled together.
She left Gopx Zleqpyexw to his fate with his debtor and held no sympathy for her stepfather.
~ ~ ~
C'Leena Rose Thomas sat in a large cafe, having cut her work at the Tal-Vi Medical Penitentiary short. The prisoners there had somehow found out that she had beaten the coolant out of a heavily modified Nyymeian, Trexche Vikleed, their attitudes with her had changed drastically. What helped their attitudes change further, was that word had finally gotten around that she was trying to actually fix whatever was wrong with their prosthetics and wet-ware interface systems.
Word had also gotten around that she was even better at finding illegal modifications done to prosthetic systems than the inspections teams. All of this resulted in C'Leena getting more work done than usual because the prisoners were no longer making everything harder than it should have.
Banishing such thoughts from her mind, C'Leena sipped at the expensive, cold-brewed black spindle infused tea, wishing it were a little more sour. She had changed out of her business clothes at home and was now wearing her favorite cat-meme T-shirt and a skirt, enjoying the quite informal wear. Her primary laptop was in a bag next to her feet and she was waiting for Haras Ronnoc so she could begin the processes of building the the custom hand for her client. Currently, her printers were still building her own prosthetics with very minor modifications and improvements on the hydraulic systems. She could have improved them more, but she needed those yesterday.
It was not long until the Mipobz woman in question entered the cafe and sat down across from the sole Terran. Harras Ronnoc, like herself, was wearing informal attire, a dress made of many differing fractal patterns and many multispectral colors. The fractal designs and color vomit seemed to be the current fashion trend on Woqplw. Harras was fit and athletic for her people, though, C'Leena could tell that the other woman, while strong, was not a weight lifter and had what many would consider a gymnast's body. Her left arm was severed at just above her elbow. The synth-skin prosthetic looked to be very high quality.
"I'm so sorry for having to meet you here instead of at my workshop," C'Leena said as Harras sat down in front of her.
"That's quite alright," the Mipobz said, "I heard about what happened to you, that you fought off Trexche Vikleed. I'm surprised you did that, something like that just doesn't happen."
"Yeah... I was wearing him down, I'm skilled in hand to hand combat, then he turned on his internal reactor. I thought I was done for, then, really, and, how did you hear about that?"
"Things like that just get around, especially with a big name like his. He should have been able to kill or disable you, that's a lot of power at his disposal, especially with his build. Those synthetic muscles and the structure to go with it..."
"Yeah, not much can be done about that, so I didn't even bother fighting. I grabbed his wrist and moved onto his back. I had to be careful about how much pressure I was applying initially, but once I wedged myself between those cooling rods, I let loose."
"How'd you even manage that anyways, tearing out a cooling rod? That had to have been reinforced void metal of some kind. I wouldn't use anything less than that."
"I totally thrashed my hydraulic systems, overridden all the safety limiters and biofeedback data. I was suffering from severe nerveshock so I think that made it easier to break everything."
"At least you got you and yours out alive."
"Yeah, but we were all hurt pretty bad. It's why I'm meeting you here. I've got an injured S'prau-ling living on my roof. I figured you didn't want to be near her."
"No, I don't want to be near one of those if i can avoid it."
"Fair, let's see what you're working with, okay?" C'Leena said as she took out her laptop and various data cables.
Plugging the proper cord into her client's data port on her forearm, C'Leena let the analyzer program spool up data and slowly render a three dimensional digital mockup of the prosthetic. As it progressed, statistics and capabilities began to scroll by.
"What kind of machine is that? I'm assuming it's a Terran design?"
"Yeah, it's Terran made," C'Leena said, smiling, "It's the latest Arokthis Industries quantum/photonic hybrid machine with the latest WREN PL architecture to prevent data bottlenecking and degradation. I'm using an aftermarket Zero Valk Systems user interface, version GHOST. I don't have any GA language packs installed, and I'm not sure if I should."
"You shouldn't, that way it makes it harder for anyone else to use it," Harras said, "your machine seems quite capable, better to have it so only you can use it."
"Sound advice," C'Leena agreed, then asked, "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure, ask away."
"That Nyymeian, the one that attacked me, I tried to do some research on him, but I couldn't find anything useful. He wasn't that hard to find, there aren't many with internal reactors. Mostly, all I found was that he's pretty hated amongst bounty hunters and outright banned in some Hunter Guilds. I was hoping you could tell me more."
Harras folded her arms across the table, the data cable scratching the synthetic material of the table softly in the cafe. It was a moment before she spoke.
"Yeah, I can. it's not on official record anyways. Trexche Vikleed and his accomplice are suspected Syndicate Contractors. What I mean, is that they accept assassination and kidnapping jobs. Nothing's been proven, but there's quite a bit of circumstantial evidence. It's hard to know, really. Those two aren't liked by most Hunters because they're just..."
"Assholes?" C'Leena provided helpfully.
"Pretty much."
"Thanks, that helps a lot, really," C'Leena said as the analyzer was nearing completion, "anyways, I've looked over what you wanted me to make. It's possible, but the resulting prosthetic won't be that durable. Lots of tiny, moving parts."
"I expected that," Harras replied.
"I know I've not given proper thought to this job, I've had more pressing matters to attend to."
"It's quite alright, you don't owe me an apology."
"Thanks," C'Leena said as her program finished, "okay, let's see what your wet-ware is capable of doing. Full synth-skin data processing, adjustable data priority controls via neural tissue, anti-scrambling hardware... you've went all out on this."
"Yes, it was a very expensive procedure as well."
"Well, you've got dual hardwired data and softwarw controls, so you shouldn't accidentally transform your hand. Though, I'm thinking, I might be able get each of your digits to become a different kind of tool, within reason. If you want something like a plasma cutter, I'll have to install a micro reactor. Those aren't cheap and they're too difficult for me to print."
"No, they're not, but that does sound nice, actually."
The two of them talked for a long time as they hashed out what her new prosthetic could do, as well as how much it would cost.
It was going to be expensive.
~ ~ ~
C'Leena was driving to a restaurant where she had placed a to go order for pickup. She was planning on surprising Rutak with dinner as she had not seen him at all since his release almost a week ago. He was not able to travel well and with Gherd recovering at her house, he could not enter due to her being a hazardous biochemical factory for the moment. C'Leena was not sure if she liked her home constantly smelling of roses and pine, it was an interesting combination to say the very least.
It did not take her long to get to the restaurant from the cafe she had just been at. Though, with all the driving around, she was starting to get a feel for Tal-Vi and where certain places were located. Once at the restaurant, she confirmed who she claimed to be and gently placed the large amount of food into an insulated thermal bag.
Just when she thought she had some of Tal-Vi figured out, she got lost.
Three times in a row.
As she entered the parking garage, using information she had gotten from Aurnok, she parked her hoverbike next to Rutak's and set hers into power save mode. Thankful that their dinner was still warm, she slung the straps of her bags over her shoulder and made her way to her boyfriend's apartment with a smile on her face. Keying in the passphrase, a string of alphanumeric characters in GAS script, the door unlocked to let her in.
Quietly walking in, she saw that Rutak was asleep on his fold-out bed and wearing only a pair of light athletic shorts. His hand was bandaged up still, but she could only hope that the swelling had gone down some. From their talks on the phone she knew he was still being denied pain management medications, the doctor that was treating him still did not not feel comfortable prescribing anything due to the results of his latest battery of blood tests.
Setting everything down quietly, she looked about and saw that everything was a mess, not that she blamed him. She knew, much like Gherd, it was simply painful to move about. While not exactly sure where things were supposed to go, she began to clean up his small studio apartment. Most of the items strewn about was simply trash, lots of take out boxes, junk food wrappers, and a space battle board game of some kind that looked like it was made for younglings.
Soon enough, she had the whole place cleaned, dishes washed and trash taken out as well. She had been extra careful to be quiet so as to not wake up Rutak, now, she stood in front of him, watching him sleep, drooling a bit. Taking out her phone, she did what any significant other would do and took a picture, then she very carefully put a finger on his nose and took another picture.
"Boop," she whispered to herself with a smile plastered all over her face.
She booped him three more times before she gently woke him up with a whisper, "hey there, big guy, come here often?"
"Hurrmm?" Rutak said, waking up slowly, "C'Leena? What? How'd you get in?"
"Aurnok told me your passphrase and gate key combinations when I asked for them, I wanted to surprise you since you can't come to my place."
"Oh, I'm surprised alright, happily surprised," Rutak said as he slowly got into a sitting position, struggling a bit with his long tail, "I don't know whether to kill him or buy him a drink. I might just do both."
"Just buy him a drink, friends like him are few and far between, just like you and Gherd."
"Where is she, by the way? Not that I'm complaining, there's just not many places an injured S'prau-ling can be."
"Oh, I left her green ass pouting on my roof, she'll be fine. She can walk on her own now without much trouble," C'Leena said, "besides, my house has better climate control and data bandwidth than her own and I haven't spent any time with you, she's had me long enough, she can share. Oh! I bought us dinner, it should still be warm."
"You didn't have to do that," Rutak said as he watched his girlfriend go to the newly-cleaned-off kitchen table, bringing back an insulated bag.
"I know I didn't have to, I wanted to, now eat."
"Yes, Ma'am," Rutak said with a smile as C'Leena gave him his to-go food.
"That's better," C'Leena said with a small giggle.
The two of them ate and talked about random and nonsense things. How their week went, if anything of note happened, the unusually warm summer, what they should all do once they were healed up, about their friends and family on their home planets, which species produced the most 'terrible and not in a good way' media, who had the best card games, the best fashion, and other such topics went on for some time. When the food inevitably ran out, C'Leena cleaned up everything by herself again which took no time at all and C'Leena found herself back on Rutak's fold out bed next to her boyfriend.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here to help when you needed it."
"Nothing to be sorry about, Gherd needed more help than I did and there's not many people that could have given it to her."
"I know, there really wasn't much that could be done about it, but I still feel bad about it."
"That just shows you care."
"I do care about you," C'Leena said, "I'm not sure I'd call it love just yet, but it's more than just affection and I view our relationship as more than just a fling. We've both been through so much together."
"Yes, yes we have," Rutak said in agreement with her, "we can have our moral dilemma of togetherness later. Right now, I know that I'm with someone who makes me happy, and that's enough for me for the moment. I'd like to think we're a spark, and we can grow into a flame hot enough to be used in a forge if we nurture what we have."
"That... I think that's the most romantic and corny thing I've ever heard from you."
"I'm full of surprises, gotta keep you on your toes."
"I can see that, and I'll be full of surprises, too," C'Leena said with a smirk, shifting a bit, "now lay back and let me do all the work, it's my way of saying sorry for not being able to do more for you."
Rutak could only smile in response.
~ ~ ~
To the users I referenced, I hope you're not too mad at me.
[NEXT]
Edit: fixed [NEXT] Button. Why did no one tell me it didn't exist?