Introduction

Pertaining to Taylor Swift, "Female Rage" has deviated from its intended meaning after Swift debuted a new performance of The Tortured Poets Department during the Eras Tour. Now, according to Swift's use of the phrase, female rage is interpreted as public backlash against Swift's dating choices rather than as a response to the broader injustices against women and women's rights. This post examines Taylor Swift's flawed feminism, philanthropy, branding, and the controversial trademark petition for the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical". Swift's background as an entertainer, indeterminate politics, and alignment with capitalism over feminism pervades her legacy, again threatening her public tolerance as not just an individual but as a brand.

Once Upon a Female Rage...

If you were cognizant in the early 2010's, you've heard countless jabs at Taylor Swift in the media. Magazines, radio, or online. Music critics did not take her seriously as a songwriter; parents put a woman on an unrealistic pedestal as the ideal role model for their children; she dated too much and used men as lyrical fodder. No matter the story, it inevitably spread, conjoined with everyone's respective opinions, and you'd be left to wonder, "Why does everyone hate this girl so much?"
Taylor's target demographic has always been young or adolescent girls, more so when Swift herself was one. She made music that spoke to the awkward misfit, cultivating a para-social relationship with fans on MySpace, then later twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, where Taylor posted relatable vlogs showcasing the life of a homegrown American girl. Taylor had a delayed public "growing up" and, compared to her female pop contemporaries, Swift never "gratuitously sexualized her image and seems pathologically averse to controversy" (and, apparently, never even had a sip of alcohol until she turned 21). She was more than happy to spin this narrative to allude to an inherent moral superiority above other women in the industry (Better Than Revenge, heard of it?), engaging in the very slut-shaming that she herself endured (the Madonna and Whore archetypes). The victim complex arose with the need to prove Taylor as a different type of pop girl. Based upon her holy and clean image, Swift had been dubbed "a feminist's nightmare", and that "[To Swift] other girls are obstacles; undeserving enemies who steal Taylor’s soulmates with their bewitching good looks and sexual availability." Feminism and Tennessee-Christian country values don't exactly mix, it seems.
Years later, Swift befriended Lena Dunham and thus experienced white feminism osmosis, where Dunham taught Swift that real feminists defend rapists, makes insensitive jokes about rape and abortion, and prioritize all-white casts. Swift then declared herself a feminist in 2014, saying,

"Becoming friends with Lena – without her preaching to me, but just seeing why she believes what she believes, why she says what she says, why she stands for what she stands for – has made me realize that I’ve been taking a feminist stance without actually saying so."

I suppose the male-centric songwriting subject that permeates Swift's discography contained covert feminism and that we just didn't see that. Perhaps, the "Bad Blood" song and music video were written only in jest and not about poor Katy Perry, for Swift, as a feminist, would "never make it a girl fight" or tear other women down (though all Katy did was date your terrible ex-boyfriend and allegedly steal three backup dancers from your tour). In 2013, Swift said, in response to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's joke towards her serial dating, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
There was that time in 2015 Taylor said that Nicki Minaj was "invited to any stage [she is] on" (as if Taylor expects to have access to every stage, award, and platform that Nicki might not otherwise have as a black female artist...yikes!) in response to Nicki's criticism of the white + thin VMA nominations. Later, Nicki responded with confusion, as Swift continued, "It’s unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..". Of course, this 'beef' was 'squashed' when Nicki performed with Taylor at the VMAs, with Nicki quite literally only having 38 seconds of stage time without Taylor. Maybe all that parading around with a legion of famous white women - similar to the way Taylor might've done with her numerous 1989-era handbags - was in fact a stance against gender inequality, and that this display of "girl power" should be enough to constitute Swift as a feminist icon.
Even while Swift says that Dunham informed her feminist outlook, she dances around the exact contents of those beliefs: "what she believes, what she says, what she stands for" is not exactly insightful towards what beliefs Swift might have inherited. Taylor never broaches women's rights topics such femicide, FGM, forced pregnancy & marriage, sex trafficking, women in slavery, women's financial and political oppression, women's educational rights, women's health, or women's autonomy, so we can assume she only gives a fuck about "girls supporting girls" (whatever that fucking means).
Despite some questionable (and sometimes vindictive) behavior, Taylor as a young woman did not deserve every media lashing that she received. We cannot deny that most headlines and criticisms perpetuated a misogynistic rhetoric which has plagued Swift for a majority of her career. Acknowledging events such as the development of her ED, her sexual assault trial, "Famous" lyric and MV depiction of Taylor, and the explicit Twitter deepfakes, for example, as both disgusting and unfortunate things that happened to a young woman in Hollywood does not negate the fact that Taylor is mostly a performative feminist.

Get Your Fucking Ass Up and Be a Philanthropist, It Seems Like Nobody Wants to Be a Philanthropist These Days

In 2013, Taylor Swift cut the ribbon at the grand opening of the Taylor Swift Education Center at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, Tennessee. The donation amount - $4 million - was the largest individual artist gift ever donated to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which is, of course, mentioned on Swift's website. The two-story facility features three classrooms, an instrument room, and an interactive children's exhibit gallery. Swift also performed at "All for the Hall" charity shows and has donated numerous artifacts from her career (such as notable guitars, tour costumes, etc) to the museum.
This was over 11 years ago, and it is still the only notable philanthropic contribution Taylor Swift has made.
For a woman of her net worth and stature, and a woman who recognizes the difficulties for women in film and music, you would think that Taylor Swift might establish a scholarship program for women to study the arts or something. Perhaps Swift might even consider becoming a member of organizations that support female artists, or one that supports LGBTQ+ causes (since she is now proudly an ally), yet she remains superficial with her graces. Broader philanthropy, such as donating relief aid to Palestinian women or women impacted by violence and discrimination will probably never receive any financial support from Miss Swift because then she'd be using her money towards philanthropies involving anyone but white entertainers.
She even says herself in Miss Americana, "My entire moral code as a kid and now is a need to be thought of as 'good'." Well, she's certainly thought of as good, though her actions say otherwise. She's more than happy to do a vaguely altruistic song and dance for a clip-worthy interview quote and mass appeasement, then fuck off to one of her mansions on a 20 minute private jet flight, rather than actually contribute to anything pertaining to the causes she has endorsed. Yet, far too many people continue to give a woman such as her their money, time, and energy, and she hoards these resources to herself.

I Like Some of the Taylor's Songs, But What the Fuck Does She Know About Feminism?

Swift continued with her self-proclaimed feminist campaign, positioning herself as a political activist and LGBTQ+ ally in the Miss Americana documentary. The primary focus of the documentary consists of the sexual assault trial, Andrea Swift's cancer diagnosis, Taylor's ED and body dysmorphia, media scrutiny, and, largely, finally speaking up about her politics publicly, mostly her opposition to the 2018 Tennessee Republican senate candidate, Marsha Blackburn, and Blackburn's beliefs. Swift says, following a scene discussing her experience during the trial,

"I just couldn't really stop thinking about it. And I just thought to myself, next time there is any opportunity to change anything, you had better know what you stand for and what you want to say."

We must ask ourselves, though: when has Swift ever spoken up to change anything? Okay, pulling her entire catalogue from Spotify because they didn't pay their artists enough and similarly pulling her catalogue from Apple Music are changes that she leveraged due to her revenue potential and power, but they are not pertinent to the average woman's rights. Moreover, these are issues that directly impacted Taylor's income, which was enough reason for her to protest in the first place. Swift has sold the most units for a female artist in first week sales, is the first female artist with 100k monthly Spotify listeners, is the first female artist to win the Album of the Year Grammy 4 times, and is the first female artist to do X, Y, and Z, all while being inoffensive and family-friendly to boot. The actual Taylor Swift seems unwilling to compromise the brand of Taylor Swift by contributing in meaningful ways to feminist causes, especially if it is for women outside of America and Hollywood.
The reason political anthems such as "The Man" and "Only the Young" of the Lover era feel disingenuous and corporate is because, well, it is. Taylor has taken every opportunity to advance her career or public image at the expense of other women. What is truly genuine to Taylor's outlook on other women is vying for male attention, taking down female competition, and vocalizing feminist injustices only if they directly impact her and her money. Some will argue that it's satisfactory for a woman with such a huge platform to even TALK about feminism, but that just isn't enough. It's even less impressive when you candidly look at the scope of her feminist lens: "If I was the man, then I'd be THE MAN", or "I really resent the ‘Be careful, buddy, she’s going to write a song about you’ angle, because it trivialises what I do", and, of course, "We all got crowns". Feminism, but only when it happens to me. It gets worse when you look at Taylor's track record of copying other famous women and removing other female artists as potential threats to her pop prowess.
It's good for PR to align yourself with certain blanket feminist and political beliefs, therefore good for branding, therefore good for ticketing and merchandise sales, therefore good for business. And Taylor Swift is a business.
She's not a feminist. Taylor Swift is a capitalist.

I Can't Pay Those Sweatshop Workers a Livable Wage or Benefits! How Else Would I Make My Billions?

Recently, Taylor's team filed to trademark the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical" after Taylor said during Paris N1 of the Eras Tour,

"So you were the first ones to see The Tortured Poets at the Eras Tour...or as I like to call it, 'Female Rage: The Musical'."

This trademark petition was filed last week on Saturday, and news comes about just as numerous unofficial fan-made merch designs have cropped up with this phrase plastered on Fruit of the Loom basics. I'm of the opinion Swift's team motioned for a trademark so that they can send out cease & desists to all those that make knockoff merch, which disrupts potential sales for Bravado, UMG's choice merchandising company; however, since it was filed earlier, perhaps Swift has bigger plans with the bizarre use of the gendered phrase. One Swiftie referred to the phrase "female rage" as "a funny Eras Tour joke". Could it be a possible fourth version of the Eras Tour Movie? Whatever the reason, the motion to capitalize off of such a concept is disgusting, but not unsurprising, for a woman that profits on her vain feminism.
Swift, through her company, TAS Rights Managements, has also trademarked over 200 phrases, including "1989", where she owns the property rights to this calendar year on keychains, phone cases, sunglasses, stationary, bags, beverage ware, clothing, entertainment services, your subconscious, and, of course, Christmas ornaments.
The vapid consumerism in Swiftie culture is, frankly, disgusting. Bravado's sustainability statement is non-existent, the quality control is abysmal, and the materials they use are horrible. The materials, such as acrylic and polyester, are made from petrochemicals. This means they are non-renewable, shed microplastics, and are quite toxic in production. The manufacturing process to make all of those lazy-rushed Eras Tour logo graphic tees is a huge blow to environmental well-being. Apparently, though, Swifties don't give a fuck. They sell out products in seconds and either have to face the manufactured scarcity or buy from a scalper that resells for 200% of the already ridiculous retail price. This doesn't include the environmental impact of vinyl records, CD, and cassette production, of which Taylor produces many variants that sell unsustainable amounts.
If we're talking about women's rights violations, why is no one acknowledging the women that work in the inhumane sweatshop conditions that have to pump out fugly t-shirts and hats? The millions of plastic microfiber dander they are inhaling, or the toxic dyes that touch their bare skin? Are they being compensated fairly for their skilled labour and are they in safe working environments? Do these women have minimal bargaining power, and do they have authority over their worker's rights? Is Taylor Swift female raging at their injustices? Does Taylor Swift ever feels bad that her wealth was built on the backs of women of color, disadvantaged by the demands of the global economy and garment industry? Do you think she ever says a little white feminist prayer for them before she goes to sleep at night?
What's even crazier is not that Taylor herself doesn't care, it's that Swifties don't care. There CANNOT BE ethical billionaires. You only make a billion dollars if you are exploiting other human beings for capital gain. Based on public perception of the possible "Female Rage: The Musical" trademark, it seems like Swifties are already asking for merch with this phrase. "If Taylor made it, I'd buy it." Oh, cool. So not only do you champion Miss Swift's avarice and billionaire status, but you also are unashamed to admit to your blind consumption of her music and merchandise, no matter where they might originate in production or sincerity. Just as Swift takes and takes and takes, Swifties' consumerism of Taylor Swift cannot be quelled.
The tortured artist's most vulnerable and sincere poetry...available now in 21 different versions!

I Am Tortured Poet, Hear Me Whinge

Look - even if Taylor's intention is to characterize TTPD as more "tortured" and "angry", the main thread of the album is "I was ghosted by my decade-long situationship with a controversial indie boy and my fucking stupid fans wrote a 'Speak Up Now' open letter prompting me to drop him" anger, which is adequately expressed in the lyrics and performances. The extent of Taylor's "female rage" on TTPD is on tracks such as "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?", which contends with relentless media scrutiny; "But Daddy I Love Him", where Swift firmly states she'll date whoever she likes no matter how "Sarahs and Hannahs" may react; and "The Albatross", a track mythologizing her reputation and the consequences of dating her. Of course, these coincide with deep psychological wounds that formed during Swift's early years in the media, and so, from her feminist perspective, these subjects tackle the misogyny and double standards that she faced.
Yet Taylor Swift still has no grounds to be claiming that TTPD best exemplifies female rage and therefore she, in the context of this album, is female rage incarnate. As the daughter of a stock broker and mutual fund marketing executive, Taylor was born into wealth and allowed privileges like trips and subsequent relocation to Nashville all so that she might get a record deal. Her father even invested at least $120,000 into the then-fledgling label, Big Machine Records, which ensured Taylor's place with Borchetta after leaving her dead-end development deal with Sony. The fact that her parents were able to buy her a fucking brand new guitar for Christmas and pay for music lessons says so much about the financial security and safety of her childhood.
Money is privilege and protection, and despite Swift's experiences with misogyny and loser boyfriends, she does not know what female rage is.
Her rage is derived from her frustrations with her obsessive fans pulling the moral superiority card on Taylor in response to her rebound with Matty Healy. That's literally it. She's just pissed that the monster she created is no longer obediant, it's become a feral, sovereign entity that depletes the world of its natural resources and thinks it is more intelligent than it actually is because it's mommy has started to talk to it with big words. Apparently, 'illicit', 'elegy', 'nonchalant', and 'precocious' are considerably big words for the oafish monster, and I find it strange that this level of literacy is present in a group of fans that allegedly have GPAs of 3.5 or higher, but I digress.
Taylor Swift has never been one paycheck away from destitution. Taylor Swift has never experienced racial discrimination. She may have instances of gender discrimination, but she possesses the ideal white, blonde American beauty standard and therefore reaps the benefits of being a conventionally attractive woman. Taylor Swift has sufficient social capital. Taylor Swift is a billionaire woman prolonging her victimhood though she, as a woman, has mostly had control over her image and music (unlike her contemporaries). Taylor Swift is NOT entitled to be championed for her "female rage", nor should she be. Taylor Swift has never even been the struggling artist, for fuck's sake. I don't give a fuck if she's trying to fill the empty lunch tables of her past. Taylor Swift purporting herself, her unpolished album, and her lukewarm feminism as a musical bleeding with female rage is asinine.

Sigh Try and Come For My Job, Poors

Out there in the world right now is a 23-year-old woman, a recent college grad, who works as a barista. She has to wake up and get ready to go into a minimum wage job because she cannot get a job in her field. She doesn't have healthcare benefits or sick time, so she has to go into work no matter how she's feeling. All day long she is berated by vicious customers and creepy men, and, exhausted from being on her feet, she knows she has to go home to her shitty roommate that never does the dishes and her roommate's shitty dog. To comfort herself, she considers getting a treat, but thinks against it when she remembers that matcha lattes cost $15 and they taste like milky dirt. She knows that she needs to buy groceries this week, and so the woman resolves to go home, but notices that her gas tank is low. She goes to put gas in the car, but the pump stops at $27.86 because that's all that she has in her checking account. The woman, bereft and reeling, sinks into the driver's seat. "Well," she thinks, her head in her hands, "at least I don't have Taylor Swift's job. I just couldn't imagine."
Fame is somewhat of a choice. If at any moment Taylor feels that she is misunderstood, misconstrued, or overwhelmed by public opinion, she can LEAVE the public eye - Lord knows she has the retirement fund and residuals to do so. In "I Can Do It With a Broken Heart", the TTPD song about meeting the demands of your career-zenith mega-tour while in the relationship trenches, Taylor ends the song by rambling,

"You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart...you know you're good...and I'm good, cause I'm miserable, and no one even knows!...try and come for my job."

Yeah, obviously we wouldn't know, you recently passed the billionaire threshold and are the most famous and in-demand performer in the world right now. Taylor Swift makes an estimated $10 to $13 million dollars A NIGHT on the Eras Tour. Furthermore, the Eras Tour movie grossed $261.6 million globally, (which, as the producer, Taylor takes home 57% of the ticket sales) not counting the streaming revenue from Amazon Prime Video and the estimated $75 million deal that Disney paid to have it on Disney+. We're not even considering the income from cheap plastic popcorn buckets and drink cups plastered with colored squares in her Era-specific likeness.
It's funny. Taylor Swift often said that being famous wasn't hard, that she "isn't complaining". I'm sure it is difficult to always have to present in a good mood, else you'll end up misrepresented in the media, and I'm sure it's invasive to virtually have no privacy or semblance of anonymity. Still, Taylor Swift shows up each night of tour and performs. For a majority of her career, she has penned her sad songs while on the road. Most of "Red", her breakup album, was written in the thick of the Speak Now World tour. Now, some Swifties say they almost "feel bad" for attending the Eras Tour with Swift's revelations in this song, that they have had a 'dimmed experience' upon hearing Taylor's misery whilst performing. Despite the fact that Taylor said that "this was the happiest she's ever been" at Gilette Stadium in May, the lyrics "boohoo, woe is me, smile for the cameras and make the fans happy!!!" are jarring for Eras attendees.
While Taylor Swift was making double-digit millions a night in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and feeling miserable, Ana Clara Benevides Machado passed away due to heat exposure. The concert promoters, Time For Fun, are now the subject of a criminal investigation due to their lack of adequate hydration and safety. Taylor Swift cancelled the Sunday show that was to follow and offered VIP tent tickets to Benevides Marchado's family, which was a kind gesture, but perhaps incongruous to the incident of which they were offered as consolation. Everyone grieves differently, of course, but I'm not sure attending the very show at the very same venue that my daughter or sister passed away in two days prior, where the singer CONTINUED the show despite her death, would be healthy for closure.
There was no female rage at the show as Swift never saw Benevides Machado pass out. There was no female rage towards the disregard for fans as humans while Swift elected to proceed with her Brazil tour dates despite the country being in historic heatwaves (at risk of overheatting herself). If Taylor Swift was so shaken by touring with a broken heart or a fan's passing, she wouldn't have added an additional North American leg of Eras just two months after the Matty breakup. She's brokenhearted but willing to mend the cracks with your money and move onward with her worldwide female rage induced pillaging.
No matter what happens, even if you die at a Taylor Swift concert, Taylor collects a big fat check and flies away. She doesn't know you as anything other than a conversion rate or earning potential despite what her nearly 20-year long parasocial relationship with fans might otherwise indicate. She knows that, while some Swifties are without disposable income, they feel obligated to spend on a "48 Hours Only!" exclusive vinyl variant instead of necessities because they are so entrenched in Taylor Swift's intoxicating celebrity, they'll prioritize materialistic fandom before their needs. This is good enough for her because this means she can expand her real estate portfolio and finance her cat's lavish lifestyles. They're worth an estimated $100 million dollars. Her three cats could pool their net worth and solve world hunger.
While you and I might be denied bereavement leave and barely surviving the current political and economic climate, Taylor Swift has to, instead of gets to, perform for stadiums at full attendance for three nights in a row across the globe. You and I might be replaced by AI at our longtime jobs, but Taylor Swift is threatened with losing more and more money each time you listen to a "Stolen Version" of her songs. If we don't buy every variant of all of her albums, then who is going to pay for the fucking cats?
It is tone deaf to spend as she spends and lives as she lives in this economy, but this is her reality. She was able to donate $100,000 to all of her tour truck drivers, and that's wonderful, but it leads me to wonder about the ethos of the 2020s where one woman can hoard such life-changing amounts of money. Remember in 2014 when she gave a fan $90 ($120 in today's money) to get Chipotle because she had no fucking clue how much it cost? This is a 34-year-old woman who is increasingly out of touch with the reality for working class people and women in general. Normal everyday adults must wake up and go to their thankless jobs, and yet Taylor Swift, despite all her riches, incessantly references the lows of her life and career as a public figure and entertainer to farm sympathy and drive sales. And still, the corporate women have latched onto "I cry a lot, but I am so productive! It's an art!" as their cubicle battle cry.
Do you think that, from up in her private jet, Taylor Swift gazes at the world through her poetic, tortured eyes, and thinks, "All the little people, in their cars, walking, going about their lives...all those girls that don't support girls...do they know that I've made an album about female rage?"

Conclusion/TLDR

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your critical insights towards this entire ordeal: TTPD, the trademark, the implications of it all.
TLDR: Taylor Swift is a bad feminist and is delusional to think that the TTPD eras set exemplifies female rage at women's injustice.

6’5 mf from bumfuck nowhere COOKS
Kendrick>>>
Demographics

• Gender: male
• Race/Ethnicity: white
• Residence: Rural VA
• Income Bracket: upper-middle
• Type of School: public (somewhat competitive tho, usually abt 1 Ivy+ per year)
• Hooks (Recruited Athlete, URM, First-Gen, Geographic, Legacy, etc.): maybe location? Idk

Intended Major(s): Aerospace Engineering, MechE for places that didn’t have Aero
Academics

• GPA (UW/W): 4.0 UW/ 4.53W (4.44 at time of apps)
• Rank (or percentile): 4 (5 during EA)
• Honors/AP/IB/Duel Enrollment/etc.: 6 APs, 9 DEs, 11 Honors, no IB
• Senior Year Course Load: AP Gov, AP Research, AP Art History, DE Calc 1, DE Brit Lit, DE Aerospace Engineering, Honors Physics, Spanish 3

Standardized Testing
List the highest scores earned and all scores that were reported.

• SAT I: 1520 superscore (two 1510s with 760R 750M and 750R 760M on 3 attempts)
• ACT: Didn’t Take
• 4 on AP Bio and AP Seminar, 5 on AP Lang

Extracurriculars/Activities
List all extracurricular involvements, including leadership roles, time commitments, major achievements, etc.

1. Internship (12)- Research Lab at T25, Helped create STEM classroom curriculum
2. Debate (11,12)- Team Captain, Top 10 at states in first year (got 2nd place in state after apps 🫠)
3. Scholastic Bowl (9-12) - Team Captain, led team to regionals for first time in years
4. Tennis (10-12) - Team Captain, raised some money
5. Engineering Club (8-12, yeah it’s weird) - VP, member of competition teams
6. Athletic Advisory Board (11-12) - Represented on behalf of academic teams and did community service, raised some money
7. After-school STEM club/daycare? (12) - Voluntarily chaparoned kids, got offered and accepted real job
8. Powerlifting (9-12) - On varsity team in 10 and 11 before it got deleted, started training before and continued after
9. Beta Club (10-12) - Didn’t do much but that’s mostly the officers’ and sponsor’s fault
10. Mentor (11-12) - Mentored other students in magnet school program
11. additional info - Got Best Delegate at my first Model UN competition after apps as a side quest/practice for debate, mentioned on deferral and waitlist replies later

Awards/Honors
List all awards and honors submitted on your application.

1. Collegeboard Rural/Small Town National Recognition
2. AP Scholar
3. AP Capstone Diploma
4. Magnet School Diploma Seal (Regional)
5. School award for achievement in Aerospace Engineering class

Letters of Recommendation
Counselor: 7/10. New hire right before my senior year so not much rapport but spoke to her somewhat frequently
History Teacher: 9/10. Bsf. Had him for class in 9th grade and I was the only one who answered during Zoom classes, was my Scholastic Bowl and Debate coach in years following. His writing is not the best tho so not a 10/10
Engineering Teacher: 8/10. Had him for 3 years and was part of his club for all of them. Can speak to my abilities super well. He moved districts before my senior year so didn’t see him for a bit but still pretty good regardless
Professor: 9/10. Interned under him over the summer and he trusted my capabilities a lot. Wrote lots of LORs before and even asked me what I wanted in it.
Interviews

• MIT: 7/10. Virtual. Interested in my research and seemed to vibe quite well. Didn’t talk for very long tho and looking back I didn’t really make as good of an impression as I would’ve wanted or talk about all my stuff as much as I wanted to.

Essays:
Common App: 9/10. Displayed my ability to set really high goals and never be discouraged by failure. Reviewed by friends at Princeton and Stanford, as well as former CMU admissions officer and highly praised
MIT supps: 9/10. Some of my best work. Reused for so many other schools and scholarships because god damn were they beautiful pieces of writing.
General supps: 7/10. Mixed bag. Some really good, some just ok. Spent a decent amount of time and was pretty happy with all of them
Results
Accepted:

• Johns Hopkins (RD)
• Georgia Tech (Deferred EA, accepted RD - committed!!)
• Purdue (EA)
• UMD (EA)
• Penn State - Waitlisted Honors College (EA)
• VT - Waitlisted Honors College (EA)
• UVA (EA)
• Pitt - Honors College (EA)
• George Mason - Honors College (EA)

Waitlisted

• Carnegie Mellon

Rejected

• MIT

Reflection:
GO YELLOW JACKETS WOOOOO
Final record of 9-1-1 (yay!)
Genuinely shocked by CMU waitlist because former admissions officer loved my personal and my supps. Was probably due to lack of insane math talent (displayed on apps that is).
Didn’t really get huge aid from anywhere but was able to cover most of the cost through existing savings and external scholarships (apply for lots of them, especially local ones!!!!)
Start early!! Going EA was super helpful. If you need to miss a school assignment or 2, you can make that up. Sometimes to have to have to wager your present for the sake of your future. This process can really suck at times but it’s manageable in the end.

Hi all
I'm a 22m united statesian math student from the midwest. At some point, I realized that math is actually (secretly) a humanity, so my closest friends have been less engineer types and more artists, historians, college philosophers, and people with a lot of empathy.
Normally, I can just hang out with my film roommates or weird people at the library, but I've got flipped seasonal depression where the loneliest time for me is summer, so this is my annual post looking for online friends to chat with.
I'm looking for people that are cool (REQUIRED), academic (ish), and more than anything curious in seeing just how far their passions go. There's way more meaning in being brave with what you do than in being smart.

Some passions of mine:

math - I'm finally doing the trifecta of undergrad classes my old math-ish degree deprived me of: real analysis, number theory, and topology. Most of my thinking energy the past year has been applied to recursive functions, data structures, and border math/cs topics I'm so sick of at this point. I can't wait to be writing proof by contradictions again for homework. My favorite "sup" is definitely the great supremum.
reading - my summer list: Stella Maris (the McCarthy epic), Permanent Record (Snowden book), Wolf Hall (tudor-core), and Traitor to His Class (bio on the coolest Roosevelt). I mostly read classic literature and history + mythology books. I'm gifting Kafka on the Shore by Murakami to my English teacher friend as it left a real mark on me when I read it last year. Also with everything going on in Palestine and the nearby protests, Chomsky and Orwell essays are so clarifying.
linux/code - I know I dissed it above, but there's definitely a before/after FOSS in my life where you discover just how composable everything is with pipes and streams. I run unix with vim, emacs, dmenu and all the rest. I like programming in golang and lisp and wanna learn haskell. LaTeX equations are also very beautiful.
history - I visited Vienna a few weeks back and saw a cool Marshal Joseph Radetzky statue. It was interesting putting myself in the mind of those 1848 Viennese students and their revolution crushed by the state power of an eighty-year-old catholic Joe... Anyway, reading about the imperial krauts is neat. Knowing about the past makes travel, talking to geriatrics, and old coins way more fun, so I've always appreciated political, cultural, and religious history.

Littler things I like:

• Rock N Roll (simon and garfunkel, fleet foxes, björk, radiohead, elliott smith, brian eno)
• Singing beatles karaoke at open mics
• Emailing random authors at 2 a.m.
• Photography
• Talking to goofy kids, old people with endangered idioms, foreigners in their own language, anyone not cowed into being boring

That's enough color about me. I wanna hear about you now!
My ideal penpal is someone that cares very deeply about ideas as well as people. If you wanna leave me swooning, send a bandcamp if you're a rockstar or a git repo if you're a hacker or anything cool you wanna show off in your domain.
Life can be a real swirl for me, but for the first time I'm starting to feel dizzy. Little chats and side-tangents of friendships are not what I need now. Please only message if there was something that really stuck with you.
If my hopes of finding inspiration and kindness from the world resonate with you, send me a PM.
cool bye now B-)

Hi all
I'm a 22m united statesian math student from the midwest. At some point, I realized that math is actually (secretly) a humanity, so my closest friends have been less engineer types and more artists, historians, college philosophers, and people with a lot of empathy.
Normally, I can just hang out with my film roommates or weird people at the library, but I've got flipped seasonal depression where the loneliest time for me is summer, so this is my annual post looking for online friends to chat with.
I'm looking for people that are cool (REQUIRED), academic (ish), and more than anything curious in seeing just how far their passions go. There's way more meaning in being brave with what you do than in being smart.

Some passions of mine:

math - I'm finally doing the trifecta of undergrad classes my old math-ish degree deprived me of: real analysis, number theory, and topology. Most of my thinking energy the past year has been applied to recursive functions, data structures, and border math/cs topics I'm so sick of at this point. I can't wait to be writing proof by contradictions again for homework. My favorite "sup" is definitely the great supremum.
reading - my summer list: Stella Maris (the McCarthy epic), Permanent Record (Snowden book), Wolf Hall (tudor-core), and Traitor to His Class (bio on the coolest Roosevelt). I mostly read classic literature and history + mythology books. I'm gifting Kafka on the Shore by Murakami to my English teacher friend as it left a real mark on me when I read it last year. Also with everything going on in Palestine and the nearby protests, Chomsky and Orwell essays are so clarifying.
linux/code - I know I dissed it above, but there's definitely a before/after FOSS in my life where you discover just how composable everything is with pipes and streams. I run unix with vim, emacs, dmenu and all the rest. I like programming in golang and lisp and wanna learn haskell. LaTeX equations are also very beautiful.
history - I visited Vienna a few weeks back and saw a cool Marshal Joseph Radetzky statue. It was interesting putting myself in the mind of those 1848 Viennese students and their revolution crushed by the state power of an eighty-year-old catholic Joe... Anyway, reading about the imperial krauts is neat. Knowing about the past makes travel, talking to geriatrics, and old coins way more fun, so I've always appreciated political, cultural, and religious history.

Littler things I like:

• Rock N Roll (simon and garfunkel, fleet foxes, björk, radiohead, elliott smith, brian eno)
• Singing beatles karaoke at open mics
• Emailing random authors at 2 a.m.
• Photography
• Talking to goofy kids, old people with endangered idioms, foreigners in their own language, anyone not cowed into being boring

That's enough color about me. I wanna hear about you now!
My ideal penpal is someone that cares very deeply about ideas as well as people. If you wanna leave me swooning, send a bandcamp if you're a rockstar or a git repo if you're a hacker or anything cool you wanna show off in your domain.
Life can be a real swirl for me, but for the first time I'm starting to feel dizzy. Little chats and side-tangents of friendships are not what I need now. Please only message if there was something that really stuck with you.
If my hopes of finding inspiration and kindness from the world resonate with you, send me a PM.
cool bye now B-)

Hi all
I'm a 22m united statesian math student from the midwest. At some point, I realized that math is actually (secretly) a humanity, so my closest friends have been less engineer types and more artists, historians, college philosophers, and people with a lot of empathy.
Normally, I can just hang out with my film roommates or weird people at the library, but I've got flipped seasonal depression where the loneliest time for me is summer, so this is my annual post looking for online friends to chat with.
I'm looking for people that are cool (REQUIRED), academic (ish), and more than anything curious in seeing just how far their passions go. There's way more meaning in being brave with what you do than in being smart.

Some passions of mine:

math - I'm finally doing the trifecta of undergrad classes my old math-ish degree deprived me of: real analysis, number theory, and topology. Most of my thinking energy the past year has been applied to recursive functions, data structures, and border math/cs topics I'm so sick of at this point. I can't wait to be writing proof by contradictions again for homework. My favorite "sup" is definitely the great supremum.
reading - my summer list: Stella Maris (the McCarthy epic), Permanent Record (Snowden book), Wolf Hall (tudor-core), and Traitor to His Class (bio on the coolest Roosevelt). I mostly read classic literature and history + mythology books. I'm gifting Kafka on the Shore by Murakami to my English teacher friend as it left a real mark on me when I read it last year. Also with everything going on in Palestine and the nearby protests, Chomsky and Orwell essays are so clarifying.
linux/code - I know I dissed it above, but there's definitely a before/after FOSS in my life where you discover just how composable everything is with pipes and streams. I run unix with vim, emacs, dmenu and all the rest. I like programming in golang and lisp and wanna learn haskell. LaTeX equations are also very beautiful.
history - I visited Vienna a few weeks back and saw a cool Marshal Joseph Radetzky statue. It was interesting putting myself in the mind of those 1848 Viennese students and their revolution crushed by the state power of an eighty-year-old catholic Joe... Anyway, reading about the imperial krauts is neat. Knowing about the past makes travel, talking to geriatrics, and old coins way more fun, so I've always appreciated political, cultural, and religious history.

Littler things I like:

• Rock N Roll (simon and garfunkel, fleet foxes, björk, radiohead, elliott smith, brian eno)
• Singing beatles karaoke at open mics
• Emailing random authors at 2 a.m.
• Photography
• Talking to goofy kids, old people with endangered idioms, foreigners in their own language, anyone not cowed into being boring

That's enough color about me. I wanna hear about you now!
My ideal penpal is someone that cares very deeply about ideas as well as people. If you wanna leave me swooning, send a bandcamp if you're a rockstar or a git repo if you're a hacker or anything cool you wanna show off in your domain.
Life can be a real swirl for me, but for the first time I'm starting to feel dizzy. Little chats and side-tangents of friendships are not what I need now. Please only message if there was something that really stuck with you.
If my hopes of finding inspiration and kindness from the world resonate with you, send me a PM.
cool bye now B-)

Apologies for the length, just needed to be as thorough as possible.
Recently hanged out with a girl (X) that I've known for a while. We are not "friends" and have showed interest to each other but only slightly. A few days ago, we hanged out and at some point she mentioned that she went on a date the week before. The story didn't really make sense to me. For context;
We meet in October and were texting each other quick a few, replying to each other stories, and every time we hanged out (through a common group), she showed a bit more interest to interact with me.
At around January, we stopped talking, and we had not contact, texting, replying until the last week of march and first week of april where we hanged out again (2 weekends in a row, with common friends). During the second night out, i mentioned that i am seeing someone (which i was for 2 months), and she seemed bothered. She went silent, went to the restroom for a while and didn't talk much. When i mentioned that i wasn't sure about my relationship her advice was to break up.
And so, i did break up and i texted her. After that, she once again started seeking a bit more interaction, replying to my insta stories, texting etc. Before i move to the latest incident, which is the main issue, keep in mind that over the 2 week before, i had hanged out with a girl, a friend, and i had a few stories on my insta with her. So now to the events of last weekend.
We hanged out, literally this past weekend, at a beer fest, me, her (X), and a common friend. At some point, both of us being a little drunk, and without even talking about anything related she asks me "how is it going with that girl that you are seeing", (referring to the one she saw on my story). I wasn't sure who she was referring to so i said "what are you talking about, who" to which she replied "don't act like you don't know, i she your stories". For some reason i ended up not saying anything to that, and so she didn't continue with that convo. After about an 40 minutes her friend left and around 1.3h since we went to a place to eat.
Once we arrived there and ordered, she immediately started asking me about her, and she was acting as if it was a certainty that we were "dating". I talked to her about it saying that she likes me but i don't have feelings for her and that we are just hanging out for now. She responded with "oh so you just want to see if you'll get feelings?", to which i said yes, and that someones interest by itself isn't enough for me to like them. She genuinely seemed so interested to know about her, as if that was the only thing in her mind.
Anyways, after a while on the subway, once we had left the place and we were heading towards a bar, she said "i asked you all that before because i was on a date last week, my sister made me a hinge account and i went out with someone". I was confused. Again, for context, she hasn't dated anyone in a while (think over 1.5 years) and she very selective with guys, as she has very specific standards (logical and honestly attractive). She also has mentioned in the past that she wouldn't use dating apps anymore (compered to her early college years, 2-3 years ago). She said they have another date, this week, and when asking about him and what she thinks, she would act both hesitant (as if she wasn't interested or cared) but would also say "i guess i want to go on a date with him again, but idk". She spoke about it for like 1 minute max, and didn't seem to be able to say much about it aside from "yea he fits my standard, he cares). I would assume a girl who is supposed to be hanging out with a "friend" would be able to at least give a few more detailed info about her date. It just seemed like it never happened.
Long story short, I'm hanging out with her in 2 weeks and i wanted to discuss this with both my male and female audience. What are your experiences with similar situations? Is lying about going on a date a thing to get someones attention? Any opinions, stories, or relatable situations are welcomed.

TLDR: Despite a decade of being out and having relationships, falling for guys always ends in emotional turmoil as guys often shy away from commitment, even when its a natural next step. They act serious, "seeking long term" but end up running after significant time and effort together. Therapy helps me, but the cycle of disappointment is exhausting and disheartening, however giving up isn't how I want to resolve this. How do you keep optimism? And why do guys say they want this but then run? Trying to navigate this recurring pattern without losing too much hope.
Longer (really sorry for the essay this is typed out as i'm dealing with the most recent one and it helps to get this out here in long format): Maintaining optimism is tough as hell. Despite being out for over a decade and having a fair share of both long and short term relationships, most seem to end painfully, leaving me emotionally wrecked. I've mastered generally being level headed and maybe even stoic for most life situations like in work, family, friends, etc, stemming from a background of being the "best little boy in the world" but nothing throws me into turmoil like falling for guys. It's a love-hate dynamic—I cherish immensely moments with a guy I care about, yet they also bring a same level of immense pain and it is incredibly difficult for me to pick the pieces up each time afterwards. Its the only time I feel as happy as I can get but also when I feel the worst after its done...
For background I tend to date within my 25-35 age range, guys with good career paths, seemingly kind, attractive in a compatible way, etc. In all of the broad brush stroke life things, we tend to align. I will say I know this age range is already tough; most of us are still navigating emotional maturity, which I understand... i've been/going through it myself.
I try to guard against falling for toxic or fuckboys but it's tricky - I can pick out the red flags pretty easily when it surfaces in the first few weeks (love bombing, negging, trauma i'm not equipped to handle, substance abuse, etc). But with alot of these guys, all seems like a green flag but then true intentions often surface after weeks or months of implicit commitment. While I dont mind the hookup or short term dating culture, I also dont feel like I run away from a possibility of serious if I think it is worth it or headed in a positive direction, and I'm willing to share that vulnerability, but so many otherwise green flag guys seem to get too scared to at least confront that possiblity. They say "seeking long term", appear ready for something more serious, and then bolt when they start to see it actually happening and a more emotional connection happening.
I know open communication is key, but if you know gay dating then you know most of the time as soon as you vocalize anything the other guy isn't ready for, they dont face it or try to discuss, most of the time they run- so I try to ride a fine line of communicating that I appreciate the person being in my life but being careful not to go too far...I'm also not talking first week of meeting someone, this is on a regular normal dating timing, a couple months to 6 months type of thing. And then when I communicate I want more at that stage, more common than not they jump ship and aren't even willing to give it a shot.
I would say a response I might expect is that I'm the common denominator in this, maybe that i'm "too much" or they can't handle me or dont see me as dating material which is also tough to confront and I do so with therapy and friends etc, but that type of stuff normally shakes out in the first few weeks of dating and that really hasn't ended up being a stated reason for why these guys leave.
Instead, these guys are with me for extended amounts of time, and doing stuff only couples do....Think like several weeks of spending nights and weekends with me or monthly trips together out of state and country or meeting all my friends, movie lists that we are gonna watch together, etc. AND THEN they end up running, ghosting, or acting like it was never that serious to begin with and getting back on the apps the day after, which is just cruel... Not kidding, these are all guys I'm spending weeks and months doing these things. I get it if it is a fast burn 1 week hookup but these are significant amounts of time especially in gay dating....
When they leave, these heartbreaks hit me harder than anything else, reverting me to a naturally emotional super low state despite my efforts to keep it level emotionally. I take breaks, and spend time with family and friends afterwards but its easy to get stuck in my head, and this pseudo almost dating just seems cyclical as opposed to one offs.
Just not understanding why these guys are willing to pretend like everything is so good, then wreck someone by running away or being too weak to move forward. Therapy helps, but the cycle of picking myself up after each disappointment is exhausting. These guys seem great on paper—gentle, fun, successful career wise, handsome, good sex—yet its all ended the same way. It's disheartening; there are no easy wins in gay dating, and it's wearing me down. Giving up isn't in my playbook because I know how happy it can make me when it does seem to be working, even though it feels like an uphill battle. I dont want to become cynical or to get to a point where I cant offer my vulnerability and love to someone who does merit it but this process makes it so hard to figure out.
Guys who have still managed to keep your optimism, how? And the guys who run, why? Not trying for a pity party genuinely trying to navigate this as it keeps happening.

Kaya ba mag move on ng fully kung first love mo? Di ko alam saan magsstart sa kwento ko. Minsan hate ko siya pero minsan miss ko rin siya. Miss ko lang yung time na nakalimutan ko siya pero life really has its ways.
We were childhood friends. Nagkakilala kami ni “Justin” nung preschool palang. Tapos nagkacrush ako sa kanya noong elementary. Of course yung sa puppy love, kilig kilig. Noong nag highschool kami, magka-iba ma kami ng school. We lost touch for a while pero since we had a similar circle of childhood friends we started talking again nung mga 3rd year na kami. Yun we clicked. Exact same footing nung bata pa kami. We talked everyday before going to school and falling asleep. Nagkakamustahan tungkol sa friends at family pati na rin sa mga school work. Minsan din we help each other to answer our homework. Feel ko I really fell for him at 15. He seemed so perfect to me. He understood me and my silences. Parang I didn’t have to explain my soul to him because he just got it. We never went out together na kami lang pag weekends kasi admittedly I felt like hindi ko kaya so lagi akong tumatanggi. As in parang nagrarambol yung mga butterflies sa tiyan ko when im around him. Somehow, parang yung common sense ko nawawala. Lahat pinagusapan namin hanggang sa future and mga trips for summer kahit wala naman kami label. Di ko rin alam if he felt the same way kasi never naman din kami nagshare ng feelings namin na ganon sa isat isa. Oo, bobita talaga. We went on like this until 4th year na kami. Nung prom ko, I brought one of my best friends as my dates kasi nag promise kami nung bata pa kami na kami mag kasama sa prom. I didn’t think of it much kasi Justin naman din told me he and his friends were planning to fly out for a grad trip around that time so I thought wala ding point if I asked him to go with me to prom. The night of prom sinabi ng friend niya na he kind of thought I’d ask him to prom. Shucks di ko alam pano magreact so kinalimutan ko nalang. Ayun so parang medyo nag on-off na contact namin. When we reached the last half of 12th grade, we went back to where we left off pero deep inside alam ko na I shouldn’t make anything of this anymore. His friends would tease me about him when I’d pass them in the hallway. Tapos when I bumped into his bestfriend on a night out, tinanong niya kung ano kami ni Justin. Wala akong masagot so tumawa nalang ako at sinabi friends lang. One time nagkasama lahat kami ng mga friends namin from elementary for inuman, and that night he stuck close to me. Always walking right behind me kahit na nagpapaiwan ako from the group kasi ayaw kong makasama siya na kami lang. The whole time he was asking me about the guys I’ve talked to/dated in the past years. Our group was bar hopping and just so happens na madami akong friends na lumabas that night. So naghhi hello ako and he’d just stand right behind me. He asked me how I knew most of the boys. Tapos sabi oh friend of friends lang ganon. Actually that night talaga sobrang nagccringe ako sa sarili ko kasi in one of the bars we went to he asked me to cover his part eh I didn’t want to interact with him so much so I nodded my head and paid nalang. We went to another bar naman Tapos he sat beside me. I felt so uncomfortable kasi parang di na gagana utak ko kung magkatabi kami at padami na yung na iinom. Yun umuwi ako with a friend and the night ended at that. I told myself na dapat i-let go ko na yun kasi wala naman din mangyayari at nagiging bobo lang ako. So i started replying slower and slower till di na kami nag kausap ulit. Tapos nung mga last few weeks ng grade 12 nilapitan ako ng kabarkada niya tinanong niya yung nag-uusap ba daw kami ni Justin, bat daw di kami magtry, cute naman daw kami together, bigay niya daw number ni Justin sakin para magkausap kami ulit. Tumawa nalang ako at sinabi na wala friends lang naman din kami. Yun so it’s water under the bridge na. I went to college abroad and I left right after I graduated hs. While I was settling down in a new place, tinawagan ako ng bestfriend ko. Pagkatingin ko ng mukha sa screen si Justin pala. Tinanong niya kumusta ko at dahil emotional ako at mag-isa sa ibang bansa sabi ko wag na tayo mag usap kasi alam ko may kausap or girlfriend ka na ganon. Sabi niya no wala pero yun din a week later nagpost siya na sila na ng kinakausap niya. Ok lang naman strong naman po ako. So kinalimutan ko na siya tapos masaya na ako. A few times lang rin during college nag dm siya sakin asking if may bf ako ganon pero yun lang. Fast forward graduate na kami lahat ng college so lahat kami sa batch namin nag uwian sa hometown to catch up. Di kami nag pansinan buong night. Nilapitan niya nalang ako nung may mga kumakausap sakin na mga lalaki. Nainis ako dahil di ako makalandi well since lagi siya nangingistorbo tapos paulit ulit niya ako kinakamusta na parang gago. Alam ko wala naman siyang feelings sakin, lintik lang talaga minsan. May common friend kami na girl tapos sila yung magkasama at nagsasayawan the whole night except nung times na nagpapapansin siya. Yun lang after nalaman ko may nangyari pala between them dati. Gusto kong sabihin na wala akong pake at all pero sa totoo may konting pag-irap ng mata kasi close kami dati ng ate gorl mo. Yun pa sinabihan niya ako that night na gago si guy and all that bago kami pumunta sa inuman. Recently, pumunta sa current city ko yung close friend niya na guy na ka close ko rin. We met up a few times as friends. Yun lang after ng first meeting namin na stinory ng guy friend, lagi na siya nanonood and like sa mga story ko. Ginagago niya ba ako? Or gusto niya lang lagi akong maiinis sa kanya?
TLDR: bobo ako at minsan miss ko pa rin siya

Long story short I did about a year and some change in the United States for high school. Moved to India for school because of a work mishap on my parent's behalf. The situation was all a little mucky but essentially it resulted in me(a US citizen) living in India with my uncle without either of my parents. I joined school about four months late in sophomore year and had a ton of health issues arise because of the move.
So I somehow managed to pull together a 36/56 in the MYP-5 eAssessments and figured I'd go back to the United States the year after. Thing is, I didn't. Not complaining or anything but I guess my mind wasn't in it. With all the health issues, the new family around me(and the restrictions that came with them), as well as the fact that I wasn't given a chance to actually process the move(even during summer break) I just crumpled.
It was like trying to drive a half broken down car, it'd move for a while and then break down and then start up again after a couple kicks to the engine. It was a ton of high's and lows. I got a 29/45 for semester 1 of DP 1 and after that my mental health plummeted to an all time low.
Towards the end of second semester I guess my OCD(at least I think that's what very unhealthy and random fixations that seem world changing but really aren't are) started to feel like it had more room in my brain and it started eating me up. Suffice it to say, I didn't do all that well.
For Math AI HL I got a 5 on paper 1, a 4 on paper 2, and a 2 paper 3. A gosh darned 2. I only have two other grades at the time of the creation of this post. Computer Science HL; paper 1 : 4, paper 2: 2. A freaking 2. English SL: paper 1 was a 4, and paper 2 was a 4 as well. I'm not sure what exactly my other grades are at this current time but considering how mentally deranged I was, I cannot be hopeful, genuinely. I know, this is all my fault, and heck I may just be venting. All of this is probably one big excuse, if I really wanted it I could've probably could've chucked aside all of my problems right? I don't know.
My question is, what do I do to save myself and my college application? My parent pay's tax to the state of Illinois and UIUC said there's a possibility of me being able to get in state.
My grades for DP 1 semester 2 aren't only decided by my exam scores but I'm not sure if they will get me past a 5 in most of my subjects. My freshman year I had a 3..33 unweighted GPA and a 3.5 weighted GPA. Not great.
I don't know what to do. Can anyone help me? Will any of the stuff above be a good thing to put in a college essay?(that's mainly way I vented/ranted)
What is the best way to leverage my situation and grades in order to get into a decent school?
Thank you for reading my reading my rant.

dunno if this is allowed in here but ill just go for it, im graduating soon, and i still havent completed any application to any college. i feel like ive been dreading over which course and what school i should go to because, i never really expected i would make it this far, and now i have and its so scary. i cant and dont want to pursue my quote on quote passion (art) because i want to study something more academically inclined. my friend said its not my passion if i dont really want to pursue it, i agree. i could fight for art school, but im not, maybe because of the pressure (baka iniimagine ko lang) that since all my fam members are in law or med, i cant do art. my course choices rn are nursing, psych, mt, pt, etc etc stuff like that. really wouldve gone for speech pathology in UST, but like i said, i didnt think id make it this far so i didnt apply there, not to any of the big 4 schools. i find nursing to be fun, for now, of the little glimpses i see of it from my gr12 immersion at a hospice, our vital sign retdems, case studies, ganon, okay lang, its fun naman. i like learning about it and i even top the exams. but, its really scaring me. its really scaring me. i dont know if its for me. i really want to try and believe in myself that i can do it, but based on past experiences, pala-absent kasi ako.i dont think okay pa yun pag college na. especially nursing, with clinicals pa… id be good, i think, with more online settings. im such a home body. but at the same time i need to be outside to be okay.. its so hard for me. parang di ko alam ano gagawin ko. sorry huhu dito pa ako nag daldal. ang hirap walang nanay. ang hirap walang tatay. i feel so frozen in place. like i cant decide, i cant move on. every time i decide it just changes in a few days, gusto ko nalang mag enroll para wala na ako magagawa, or iroroleta ko nalang, but this is my future im talking about… paano kaya nadaanan toh ng mga nakakaranas tulad ng ganito dati? hindi naman ako sure if my dead beat dad na nurse sa US is makukuha talaga ako to work there, di pa nga na sstart petition ko. ewan. napaka ewan. the system is so horrible. how could they expect 17 to 18 year olds to decide what they want to study for the next 4 years? geez. i guess shifting is okay, but i really would rather not and i would rather not be an irreg either, my life is already so magulo i just want a smooth sailing 4 year course college. but how will i even begin if i have no idea what that is? please help me.

Demographics: Asian male, Competitive public high school, Michigan, not needing aid
Intended Majors: CS, CS+Advertising(UIUC)
SAT: 1550(780 M, 770 RW)
GPA: 3.88 UW
Coursework: 11 APS, 3 Honors, 2 Duel enrollment, 2 Ib
Awards:

1. AP Scholar
2. MHSAA scholar athlete 3x
3. Quizbowl 2x regional champion, Top 5 at states, national qualifier, top 100 performer in Michigan
4. Consistent top finisher in several competitive coding websites
5. Host state qualifier, regional finalist

Extracurriculars(not ranked in a particular order):

1. Quizbowl: Varsity captain(11,12), JV captain(10), Novice captain(9), OfficePresident(11/12). Created a application that maximizes our studying and practicing efficiency.
2. Swim: Competitive swimming for 8 years. JV(9,10) Varsity(11,12)
3. Recreation Club: Co-foundePresident(10,11,12)
4. Mental Health Club: Officer
5. Sales associate: highest rated employee for 20 weeks in a row

CS ECS:

1. CS personal Projects: created websites that have been used over 100,000 times.
   
2. Created an AI that judges Advertisements and gives responses based on 200,000+ ads.
   
3. Freelance: creates websites and advertisements for companies
   
4. Social media: have a social media account where I post videos about competitive coding as well as giving tips and tricks on how to get better. 20,000 followers and 500,000+ views
   
5. Competitive Coding/ learning different coding languages: compete in a ton of coding competitions online as well as having self taught 4 coding languages at a proficient level.
   

Essays/LOother:

1. LOR from AP CSA teacher 10/10
2. LOR from boss at job 10/10
3. LOR from counselor ?/10

Essays should be pretty good, I would consider myself as an above average writer.
Schools:
EA: UIUC(CS+advertising), Northeastern, USC, Georgia tech, Umich(in-state), UW-madison, UM-collegepark, Purdue, MSU(in-state)
Other: I am personally just scared about the fact that I'm only taking AP Calc AB as a senior, which I personally believe to be a little below average for someone pursuing a stem major. But I will have taken 3 CS college courses by the time I have graduated.

I don't even know where to start, there is a huge amount of information that I wanted to share with you here.Let's start with perhaps the most common types of fraud.Theft of your credit and debit cards.There are several ways that you can part with your money from your cards.But where do the scammers get this data from?
The most common ways are
--You got to a phishing payment link,e-commerce
--Leakage of your data from the sites where you made the payment
--You have brought virus software to your PC by downloading a malicious file from an unknown source (Internet, flash card)
--You have got to a phishing site for authorization of an apple, Google, Samsung account, etc.
Now in order
You wanted to buy a product online on an unfamiliar site at a very attractive price.Despite the fact that the site inspires confidence, has an SSL certificate, the correct legal address, a beautiful domain name and other parameters, this is not an indicator of its reliability.After making a purchase, you will even receive a receipt for the cost and delivery time to your email address.And you are happy that you have saved a lot of money, keep going about your daily business. Next, it all depends on the methods of debiting funds from your bank card. It will be used either almost immediately or a little later.
The case is as follows. You regularly purchase any goods over the Internet in a local or large online store.For ease of use, your card and billing address are stored in these stores.Hackers study the attack vectors on these stores, exploit the vulnerability and gain access to the database of stores where you previously purchased goods.Your card data is usually encrypted, but not always, there are also methods for decrypting this data.This is how your card data gets to the attackers.
Do you like free software, movies and games downloaded from Torrent and unofficial sites?
Then the malefactor is already in your computer.There is a huge amount of malware for PCs on both Windows and macOS.All this malware has different tasks.We will focus on the stillers class for example.Stiller is a malicious software that extracts all information from your PC and sends it to an attacker.I will list only some parameters and data that stiller can extract, these are:versions of all software installed on the PC,IP address,time zones,keyboard layouts,fonts,autofill of any browser,cookies,hardware wallets and much, much more.As a rule, your credit cards, which browsers keep so carefully, are located in the autocomplete lines.All other information such as billing can also be extracted from the log taken from your PC.
The most insidious way - these are phishing authorization sites.I'll give you a simple example: your iCloud ran out of storage space, and you wanted to buy additional space in the cloud.You logged into safari on your iPhone and entered an icloud request.You click on the first link in the search results, this is what everyone would do, even me.This link was an advertisement, but the domain was original, the ORIGINAL CARL!!!Next, you are redirected to an icloud-type authorization page icloud.scamdomen.com you enter your login details, you are asked to enter a confirmation code on your device, you confirm, that's all.You can say goodbye to your Apple ID and iCloud for at least a month, because hackers will get into your apple ID, delete your devices, change your password and phone number.And then they start using your information, connected payment methods, viewing your photos and videos, studying your notes, applications, and so on.As a result, Apple ID support will restore your Apple ID, but only after a month.
Now we have looked at the most popular ways to steal your data, in my next posts I will try to analyze each category separately so that you better understand how to protect yourself. Now let's talk about the safety recommendations.I understand that half of what I'm going to say is actually corny, and you know it without me, but nevertheless, it works and provides you with protection.
-Do not use the same password on different services
-Do not specify your first name, last name, date of birth in the password
-Use at least 12 characters in the password, using special characters
-If possible, use only prepaid cards with a known balance to pay at unfamiliar stores/locations
-If possible, do not use the standard autofill functions for usernames and passwords on a PC and smartphone, use only specialized applications in which you can install two-step verification.
-If possible, use a two-step verification
-Use only licensed software
-Install and use antivirus software on your computer and smartphone
-Do not download files to your computer and smartphone from unknown sources
I would like to end this post with this, I hope this information will be useful for you.Take care of yourself and your loved ones!

im (f23) having communication problems with my boyfriend(m23). i meet him 2 or 3 times a week. maybe more if we arent busy. and when we do get together, we spend a lot of time together. the main issue that we keep coming back to is that he isn't much of a person who chats versus me who does. i like to chat especially on the days we arent together. I'm not asking for every hour but here and there and talk more at night when he's not busy.
we kind of got into a big fight because we just started talking at around 9pm and he already gave a heads up that he might fall asleep. i told him cant you just hold on a bit longer cause I didn't hear from him most of the day. he said yeah but he was tired. then all of a sudden he's like I'm going to go out and fish with friends. and it caught me off guard because you just said you were tired and then all of a sudden up and ready to go when his friends chats?
i didn't like that and I told him about it. he didn't see the big deal. the reasoning was that he he likes to find happy places when I'm not around (physically). and he wasn't doing anything. overall, I felt like I was 2nd place and it hurt that I wasn't a happy place. because chatting him about our day makes me happy but he didn't feel the same way I felt. he needed the actual physical thing
also he's been hanging out with the guys almost everyday. sometimes after leaving his place at midnight, he would check if his friends are out so he can go to them. it wasn't like this much going out before and I'm not against it. but going out always meant he cant chat me or that there are huge gaps where he responds so late.
it feels like I'm dating a college version of him again. but I'm mixed on what I'm feeling because he hates being home because he doesn't like it there. and moving out is not easy at the moment.
How can we find common ground?

I literally have no one else to vent to so I'm gonna write this here. Well pretty much the title. I'm from India and here in college all branches have common subjects. So the first years are divided randomly into sections instead of their core branches/disciplines. We were in the same section. We randomly met and became friends. Then we became close friends. It was the first time someone showed so much affection to me. The way we spent hours together daily. The way she would skip over to the empty seat beside me before it was taken. Then we were seperated by our branches, meaning other than one common class, we didn't have any classes together. But we only grew stronger. We dated for almost 2 years. Reached levels of intimacy to the point there really wasn't any private space between us. And comes another guy, let's call him "S", into the picture. One day she tells me that S likes her and she gets uncomfortable from the attention she gets from him. I say I want to confront him but she keeps me from doing so as S is a dear friend to her. I didn't think much about it as she was someone I trusted with my life. I should point out that the 2 years we were together, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. We went through many fights and arguments. Ig she got closer to S during these times. Come April, we had our college fest. On the final night of fest we snuck out and went over to the less populated areas of the campus and made out. Then we spent about an hour with my head on her lap talking about things. I was sure this was it. The turning point from which everything would only get better. How fucking wrong I was. 3 days later I get a call from her, which by itself felt weird cause 90% of the time I initiated the calls, and she tells me S kissed her. I was dumbstruck. We kept talking and ultimately I asked her to make a choice between him and me. Ig most of you would have seen this coming (I didn't but no surprise there) but she chose to end things with me then and there. The entirety of the time between Jan to April, she must've told me she loved me atleast 10 times. And then she does this. To make it worse we had our finals that week itself. Needless to say I fucked it up, probably gonna fail a few subjects. But me being the weak pathetic fuck I am, kept begging her to talk things out and meet atleast once. Today (May) she says she might start a relationship with him. I'm honestly surprised beyond what I can described with words. It's like the girl I loved and treasured with my life died and there was an imposter in her stead. Because the girl I knew wouldn't break up with someone over text. She wouldn't act like this and she definitely wouldn't date someone else after saying "I love you" to someone within one month. This is honestly gut wrenching and I don't know if I'll ever date again.
Thank you for spending time out your life to listen to my little tragedy.
TLDR: My gf of two years dumped me and is looking to get into her next relationship within one month of the breakup

My IB exams will be over tomorrow (it’s listening Dw). Here’s my take for future students. IB is not worth doing, I will try to include all the popular aspects— could be useful for parents and students interested.

1. Cost

Let’s be real. IB is hella expensive with little to no ROI for its worth. I spent 15lakhs (almost $15,000) inr for 2 years while my friend doing a different program spent 2lakhs inr ($2000) (can be more cheaper). And now we both are going through a similasame college process for international.

1. Credits

Let’s be real you can just take IB exams for IB certificates and get IB credits. If you’re doing JEE you guys already cover more than our syllabus except for options, which are relatively easier. Just check in with your current program and IB to see if the syllabus is similar—at most they are the same.

1. Prestige

If you’re going in IB for prestige you’ll make a big fool of yourself. Yes I know with time management you can do everything, the reality is NO. You’ll see your friends completing their 12th way before you (in my case it happened not sure about others) the only prestige you’ll feel is for those 2 years you can tell yourself you did the IB but no one will care.

1. Mental health

Well all subreddits related to IB cover this no need to go through it again but yes not worth it. Much better with other programs

1. Ease into first year

Okay let’s be honest here. You will know how to do an academic report better than the rest, you will nail your first year. What’s next? A person who hasn’t done the IB will soon get to your level after 1-2 semester. Then what? Did you honestly pay $15,000 for “easing into university” which already costs multiple life savings? Just do an online course on academic report in summer (can be free if you’re smart) and you’re better off than us.

1. bETtEr tImE ManAgemEnt sKillS

Bro stfu. Are you seriously paying so much to learn time management? All I see when people are arguing about why you should do IB is that it forces you to manage your time. What kind of a lame argument is that? You utilize time management, for that matter all skills, in your daily life. Want to improve time management? Do school, join sports, start an NGO/clubs— there time management cheaper than IB.

1. Universities prefer IB students more

Okay no. That’s just a marketing scheme and sadly I was caught in it. Do you really think a university will prefer one program over the other? Discriminating against the fortunate and the unfortunate? Please don’t be like me and fall into this trap, schools and IB only want your money, for that matter all programs in this world, Education is a business please get that through your head. My own university says that we compare IB students against IB STUDENTS, so what’s the point?
Ofcourse there are more reasons and ofcourse I might be wrong in some. I would do the IB again if there is more ROI to it, for now there isn’t. I would have saved a lot of mental and financial stress both for my family and myself if I didn’t do the IB. I truly regret taking this program not because it was hard but how unnecessary it was.

There have been an increasing number of juniors visiting this sub asking for advice about writing essays. Below are some tips and advice for making your essay stand out as excellent. Feel free to ask questions because I will answer every single question in the comments.
I know from experience that many of you are struggling to identify a good topic for your essay. Conventional wisdom says to start by brainstorming a list of potential topics, and chances are, you have already started a mental list of ideas. You might think you only have a few choices for topics, based on your activities or experiences, or essay examples you read, or the rough draft you already started (or worse, that GPT started...). I advise, however, that you put down your list of topics and back away from it. Forget that exists for a moment. Seriously - thinking about this initial list tethers you to certain ideas that might not actually be your best options.
Now you can begin brainstorming with a clean slate.
Start with thinking about what you want to show in your entire application, not just one essay. Every single component in your app has one purpose – to tell more about YOU. Filling out the rest of the application by rote and focusing solely on the essay is short-sighted and will leave so much potential untapped in your application.

It's About You. Tell Your Story - And Be The Protagonist

An admissions officer’s goal is to understand you fully, in the context of your background and the rest of the applicant pool. They will begin this with assessing your academic abilities and potential. Then they will evaluate how you will fit into the student body they’re trying to curate. All of this can be somewhat broad and diverse and touch on several institutional goals. But they will dig deep to find out what each applicant is like, what your core values and motivations are, what kind of student you will be, how you will contribute to the vibrant and intellectual campus community they’re building, etc.
Your goal with essay brainstorming is to ascertain how to powerfully tell your story in a manner that will fit these criteria. The entirety of your application (again, not just one essay) aims to showcase your abilities, qualifications, and uncommon attributes as a person in a positive way. Before you begin outlining or writing your application, you must determine what is unique about you that will stand out to an admissions panel. All students are truly unique. Not one other student has the same combination of life experiences, personality, passions, or goals as you do. Your job in your application is to frame your unique personal attributes in a positive and compelling way. How will you fit on campus? What personal qualities, strengths, core values, talents, or different perspectives do you bring to the table? What stories, deeper motivations/beliefs, or formative experiences can you use to illustrate all of this?
It is always helpful to start with some soul-searching or self-examination. You might not immediately know what you want to share about yourself. It’s not a simple task to decide how to summarize your whole life and being in a powerful and eloquent way on your application. Introspection prior to starting your application takes additional time and effort rather than jumping straight into your first draft. But it is also a valuable method to start writing a winning application that stands out from the stack.
You'll see the advice everywhere that all essay prompts are really about the same thing - you. The goal of each essay then is to showcase who you are, what matters to you, and how you think. I guarantee if you're on this sub enough, you'll hear the advice to "show, don't tell" when writing about yourself. But what does this mean really, and how do you do it well? How do you even get started on an essay that does this?

Introspection Questions

It’s often easiest to start thinking in terms of superlatives, especially those related to personal insights -- what are the most meaningful things about you, and what do you value the most? Here is a list of questions to help you brainstorm broadly before you narrow down your focus for writing:

• What are your interests?
  
• What sparks your curiosity?
  
• About what topics do you enjoy reading?
  
• With whom do you enjoy spending time? Who has impacted your life the most?
  
• Reflect upon “superlatives” in your life. What moments were most memorable, formative, enlightening, enjoyable, or valuable? What physical possessions, experiences, dreams, or lessons could make your superlatives list?
  
• Stop and think about what things, people, or circumstances in your life are really unique, fascinating, or outlandish. Are there any that really have a lot of "cultural flavor" (whatever your culture is)?
  

I have a free introspection worksheet with over 100 questions like this designed to help you find ideas worth exploring in your essays. You can find it on the A2C Discord or download it directly here.

Find Your Story And Arc

Think of a small anecdote or story from your life that you could share that serves as a microcosm of who you are and what is important to you. It will massively help you narrow this down and find a gem of a story if you first start by thinking about your application arc or theme. This is the one-phrase summary of your entire application. It could be "brilliant entrepreneur who started her own successful business" or "talented athlete who wants to study economics and finance as they pertain to sports", or even "avid baker whose hobby sparked an interest in chemistry". It doesn't have to be related to your intended major, but it can help your arc be stronger and clearer if it is.
Once you have an arc determined and a story to share, think about what you want that story to say about you. This is where it can help to think of this as something you would share on a date - what impression does it make about you to the reader? Once you know this, start showing, not telling this attribute of yourself through your story. For example, instead of saying that you're compassionate toward others, you show an example of a time you were compassionate, then elaborate on why, and what it means to you.

Essay Brainstorming Techniques

If you are having trouble finding a story, or simply have writer’s block once you have picked your topic, here are some ideas to get your juices flowing:

• Stream of consciousness writing -- Start writing whatever is in your head, and don’t stop for 30 minutes. You probably won’t use what you just wrote for your essay, but it will help you find a starting point.
  
• Journaling -- Answer the prompt as if you were writing in a journal. This will get you in the habit of writing about yourself and establish comfort with the concept. It will also take you to a new level of introspection and self-awareness.
  
• Twitter X style -- Write several rapid-fire responses to the prompt in 280 characters or less. Choose an idea from these responses to expound upon in your essay.
  
• Read each essay prompt, then go through your introspection worksheet responses and connect the stories and insights to one or more of the prompts. Some students like using color coding to visually see how their different ideas might work together.
  

Why Essays Matter

Here's the thing a lot of people don't realize about college admission: it's not an award for being the smartest, most accomplished, or most impressive. It's an invitation to join a community. Far too many students think that if they can just show that they're smart enough, they'll get in. Yale even says right on their admissions website that 75% of their applicants are academically qualified to succeed at Yale. But only ~4% are getting in. That should tell you that they're looking for more than just top tier test scores and grades. To be perfectly clear, you will need top tier grades and (optionally) test scores to show that you're qualified, and the vast majority of my students come to me with this part already in the bank. But what sets the admits apart? It's personal insight - sharing who you are, how you think, what matters to you, and how you engage community. You can't just say "/IAmVerySmart, please admit me," or even "I did a cool thing guys! Isn't that neat!" You need to go deeper and show them your core values, personal strengths, motivations, aspirations, character traits, foundational beliefs, personality, etc. And you need to do it in a charming, winsome way that makes them like you and want to invite you to join their community.
So how do I get students to do this? All of my students complete that introspection worksheet. We go through it and find the stories, examples, anecdotes, conversations, memories, relationships, and other things from their life that will help us craft a strong and personally insightful narrative. We also make lists of the values, strengths, and key personal qualities we want to showcase. Once we have some topics, outlines, abstracts, or rough drafts, we talk about which stories to tell where, how to tell them well, and what details to include to present the best they have to offer. Then we refine, edit, polish, and enhance over and over until the story sings, but more importantly shows their heart and soul. We also go through all the other application components to ensure consistency, quality, and distinctiveness.
Here's why this works so well: at most highly selective colleges there is a primary reader (or 2-3) who will review everything first and then present it to the admissions committee, who then votes on whether to admit you. That presentation typically goes one of three ways:

1. Total enthusiasm, energy, and excitement. They strongly advocate for admission and paint a clear picture of how you will contribute to their goals and community. Everyone in the room picks up on that energy and is leaning forward in their chairs, looking for reasons to admit you. This is quite rare, generally less than 5 out of every 100 applications, even among those which are "fully qualified." When you do this right, you show depth, meaning, and valuable personal insights so the reviewer is learning about who you are and how you might engage the community they're curating. You come alive off the page as a person, not just another file.
   
2. Business as usual. You're another great applicant in a pile of great applicants. They share a basic review of the facts, your profile, stats, strengths, weaknesses, etc. Maybe someone on the committee finds something they love, and they really push for admission. More likely, not and you get deferred/waitlisted even though there wasn't anything "wrong" with your application. They just didn't love you enough to commit.
   
3. "Here's a stack of 20 applications that I didn't find all that compelling, so we won't present them individually, but you guys are the committee and you make the decisions. So let me know if there are any you want to talk about." In this case, unless there's a letter of endorsement from an athletics coach or your last name matches several buildings on campus, you're probably not getting additional consideration, much less admission. They will regret to inform you.
   

Everything we're doing is designed to help them get to know themselves, present the best they have to offer, and land in that first group. Having top tier essays is the single best way to get there. Get started on brainstorming in the next few weeks so you'll have time to get a few essays completed over the summer.

So our friendgroup was sort of a quadrat, but one kinda committed suicide back in year 10 so we just became a triplet.
My friend, let's call him Bradley bc it makes me giggle.
we've been friends since year 9, we're all at the end of year 12 now. We were really close right up untill he went to college with my other friend (i stayed in 6th form), and I accepted it like he's a bad texter so ofc we're not gunna be that close anymore since he never texts me back or calls first or something, but it's the way that he will publicly post himself talking with other people and going out everyday and the only time he will ever call me is if he's drunk or high and our other friend refuses to pick up. I text the other friend everyday, we call and go out regularly despite both of us being busy w other subjects, we communicate. He doesn't do that. Whenever he calls me I have to wonder if it's because he's in trouble and needs help. One time we went out together to meet these people we didn't really know, and they were smoking weed, I told him not to because I had to leave early and I couldn't take care of him and he smoked anyway so I just left since I thought it would be fine, but later I get calls and texts from his mum asking where he is and I hadn't seen him in 11 hours at that point so I start calling and texting everyone else, thinking he's dead or something idk (my friend died, I got a weird thought process).
He's a very socially deprived person, so I feel like when he went to college and wasn't bullied anymore, he became so obsessed with being popular and his social image. He was abit like that before but now he's just a total dick. He will make fun of girls and everytime I do something that's slightly cringe or I'm just having fun, he'll make me feel bad abit it and call me cringe or make fun of me. Whenever I call him to say i miss him and just wanna talk, he doesn't really pay attention or talk much, like I'm being boring or smthn but maybe that's just me overthinking.
He's always making it out to be like he's a victim too. Okay I might be petty, but in the end of year 10 we were meant to be working, and he struggled abit with talking so I decided to work with him (we were meant to be doing a work shop for year 7s), and I did all the work and presenting, so idk maybe he got bored and started bothering other groups, and he got told off by both me, the teacher, and my other friend so instead of coming back to sit by me and just help me, he sat at a table, sulked for half an hour with his head on his arms and then left. And later I go up to the office because I'm concerned about him and wanna check up on him and he's crying in there next to the teacher, the teacher forces me to apologise and I just forgive it and move on. Kinda petty but I'm still mad ok. Also when it was the summer holidays, and this was the same year our friend killed herself, he decides to cut off speaking to both me and our other friend, for absolutely no reason. He's still online on insta too. He's still posting his chats with this other random girl so we're obviously like wtf. He refuses to speak to us and so I'm obviously very very concerned and think he's about to kill himself of something (wack mindset but I was like 14), so I walk all the way over to his house twice (my friend was away in London at the time but was still on the phone with me checking up on him) and both times he's sat in his room, doesn't look at me, doesn't speak to me, and at one point he started crying (??) So I just patted him on the back and left after abit.
He used to be a really sweet kid, I think he just became so obsessed with being popular and having fun, he's day drinking now and constantly posting about getting high and drunk because he thinks it's "cool", and I responded to his story, all I said was like "Bradly pls", because it is quite embarassing and he blocked me on that account.
That's another thing too, if I say anything that even slightly hurts his feelings he gets mad and doesn't let go of it, but whenever he says things that genuinley hurt me, he refuses to apologise so I end up having to just left go of it. Like when I had horrible body issues and always wore a jacket, until I took it off one day in class bc it was hot and he called my arms sausages. He also had body image issues and disordered eating so idk if he was like projecting or something ??
But I feel like I've just had enough now, I haven't spoken to him in months, I'm speaking with a girl now and she's great, we're going on a date soon, I'm doing well in school with a proper plan for uni and I feel like I'm just at peace with my life, but I can't just leave him because he's my best friend and he was THERE, and i can't just let him throw his life away because hes too busy having fun to go into his lessons and study, but it's impossible to help him, we've all tried, but like I can't just ignore that or forget about him, I think I can forgive all of this if he changes but it's doubtful he'll just suddenly change soon so I just decided to cut him out of my life, but everytime I see something like him using the scarf I crocheted for him or the handwarmers I made, or our pictures on his wall it just makes me feel so guilty and sad because it makes me remember how we all were together, and I miss that so much and I don't know how to get it back. But idk.

So many days, I just find myself without the will to do anything but lie in bed and browse YouTube or scroll through Twitter on my phone. It's not like I don't have the energy for important tasks, like helping around the house and doing college stuff (online), it's just that I find that I waste so much free time I have (that I know I'm gonna get less and less of as I get older) not doing a damn thing; I don't even feel like playing video games or watching movies or shows. Is this common? Cause I feel like this is a problem.

Hello all,
I am trying to put together a comprehensive dashboard that contains all of the applicable features to the water district I work at for the purpose of presentations in office off our license.
I have a poor understanding of credits but from what I've gathered, merely having feature layers in arcgis online uses them up and i dont want a massive bill to be on my head.
So my questions are: is there is a difference in credit usage between hosted feature layers and shapefiles? Should I delete all my feature layers and shapefiles now that I've uploaded them into a web map or will it not matter? Does the dashboard take credits on its own? Is there anything I don't know that I should?
Thank you for your feedback.