Hello everyone, i need some help with list tuning. This weekend I played against adepta saroritas and just got tabled turn 2. He won the roll of and I was second going and on first turn he just obliterated my forces. Riptide - gone, flamer crisis - gone, stealth suits - gone. He even charged and killed shadowsun in my home objective with his dominion squad in rhino with his scout move. I deployed fairly defensive but I have no idea that he can move so fast. I didn't use strategic reserves and had sunforges in deep strike but on my movement turn 2 there were no other models on table. What should I do, I need some help with list tuning and some tips about sisters in general. Maybe I should use strategic reserves more? Like leave only flamer suits, shadowsun and stealth on board and other units put in strategic reserves/ deep strike when going second? Also he had Exorcist with really scary inderect weapon that just popped my broasides and I cant even do anything about it because it was in his deployment zone. Maybe another detachment, another units... help much needed. Thanks all in advance and I will attach mine and his lists
Tau 1600 RetCadre (1630 points)
T’au Empire
Strike Force (2000 points)
Retaliation Cadre
CHARACTERS
Cadre Fireblade (50 points)
• 1x Close combat weapon
1x Fireblade pulse rifle
1x Gun Drone
1x Shield Drone
Commander Farsight (105 points)
• 1x Dawn Blade
1x High-intensity plasma rifle
Commander Shadowsun (100 points)
• Warlord
• 1x Advanced Guardian Drone
1x Battlesuit fists
1x Command-link Drone (Aura)
1x Flechette launcher
2x High-energy fusion blaster
1x Light missile pod
1x Pulse pistol
Commander in Coldstar Battlesuit (130 points)
• 1x Battlesuit fists
2x Shield Drone
1x T’au flamer
3x T’au flamer
• Enhancement: Internal Grenade Racks
Commander in Enforcer Battlesuit (110 points)
• 1x Battlesuit fists
1x Fusion blaster
3x Fusion blaster
2x Shield Drone
• Enhancement: Starflare Ignition System
BATTLELINE
Breacher Team (100 points)
• 1x Support turret
• 1x Breacher Fire Warrior Shas’ui
• 1x Close combat weapon
1x Guardian Drone
1x Gun Drone
1x Pulse blaster
1x Pulse pistol
• 9x Breacher Fire Warrior
• 9x Close combat weapon
9x Pulse blaster
9x Pulse pistol
DEDICATED TRANSPORTS
Devilfish (85 points)
• 1x Accelerator burst cannon
1x Armoured hull
2x Seeker missile
2x Twin pulse carbine
OTHER DATASHEETS
Broadside Battlesuits (220 points)
• 1x Broadside Shas’vre
• 1x Crushing bulk
1x Heavy rail rifle
2x Missile Drone
1x Seeker missile
1x Twin smart missile system
• 1x Broadside Shas’ui
• 1x Crushing bulk
1x Heavy rail rifle
2x Missile Drone
1x Seeker missile
1x Twin smart missile system
Crisis Starscythe Battlesuits (130 points)
• 1x Crisis Starscythe Shas’vre
• 1x Battlesuit fists
1x Gun Drone
1x Shield Drone
1x T’au flamer
1x T’au flamer
• 2x Crisis Starscythe Shas’ui
• 2x Battlesuit fists
2x Gun Drone
2x Shield Drone
4x T’au flamer
Crisis Starscythe Battlesuits (130 points)
• 1x Crisis Starscythe Shas’vre
• 1x Battlesuit fists
1x Gun Drone
1x Shield Drone
1x T’au flamer
1x T’au flamer
• 2x Crisis Starscythe Shas’ui
• 2x Battlesuit fists
2x Gun Drone
2x Shield Drone
4x T’au flamer
Crisis Sunforge Battlesuits (170 points)
• 1x Crisis Sunforge Shas’vre
• 1x Battlesuit fists
2x Fusion blaster
1x Gun Drone
1x Shield Drone
• 2x Crisis Sunforge Shas’ui
• 2x Battlesuit fists
4x Fusion blaster
2x Gun Drone
2x Shield Drone
Riptide Battlesuit (180 points)
• 1x Heavy burst cannon
1x Riptide fists
1x Twin plasma rifle
Stealth Battlesuits (60 points)
• 1x Stealth Shas’vre
• 1x Battlesuit Support System
1x Battlesuit fists
1x Fusion blaster
1x Homing Beacon
1x Marker Drone
1x Shield Drone
• 2x Stealth Shas’ui
• 2x Battlesuit fists
2x Burst cannon
Stealth Battlesuits (60 points)
• 1x Stealth Shas’vre
• 1x Battlesuit Support System
1x Battlesuit fists
1x Fusion blaster
1x Homing Beacon
1x Marker Drone
1x Shield Drone
• 2x Stealth Shas’ui
• 2x Battlesuit fists
2x Burst cannon
Screaming for vengeance
(1640 Points)
Adepta Sororitas
Hallowed Martyrs
Strike Force (2000 Points)
CHARACTERS
Canoness (70 Points)
• 1x Blessed blade
1x Inferno pistol
• Enhancements: Mantle of Ophelia
Hospitaller (45 Points)
• 1x Bolt pistol
1x Chirurgeon’s tools
• Enhancements: Saintly Example
Morvenn Vahl (145 Points)
• Warlord
• 1x Fidelis
1x Lance of Illumination
1x Paragon missile launcher
Palatine (75 Points)
• 1x Palatine blade
1x Plasma pistol
• Enhancements: Blade of Saint Ellynor
Saint Celestine (135 Points)
• 1x Celestine
• 1x The Ardent Blade
• 2x Geminae Superia
• 2x Bolt pistol
2x Power weapon
BATTLELINE
Battle Sisters Squad (100 Points)
• 1x Sister Superior
• 1x Bolt pistol
1x Boltgun
1x Close combat weapon
• 9x Battle Sister
• 9x Bolt pistol
7x Boltgun
9x Close combat weapon
1x Ministorum flamer
1x Ministorum flamer
1x Simulacrum Imperialis
Battle Sisters Squad (100 Points)
• 1x Sister Superior
• 1x Bolt pistol
1x Close combat weapon
1x Inferno pistol
1x Power weapon
• 9x Battle Sister
• 9x Bolt pistol
7x Boltgun
9x Close combat weapon
1x Meltagun
1x Meltagun
1x Simulacrum Imperialis
DEDICATED TRANSPORTS
Immolator (115 Points)
• 1x Armoured tracks
1x Heavy bolter
1x Hunter-killer missile
1x Twin multi-melta
Sororitas Rhino (75 Points)
• 1x Armoured tracks
1x Hunter-killer missile
1x Storm bolter
OTHER DATASHEETS
Dominion Squad (110 Points)
• 1x Dominion Superior
• 1x Bolt pistol
1x Close combat weapon
1x Inferno pistol
• 9x Dominion
• 9x Bolt pistol
5x Boltgun
9x Close combat weapon
4x Meltagun
1x Simulacrum Imperialis
Exorcist (180 Points)
• 1x Armoured tracks
1x Exorcist missile launcher
1x Heavy bolter
1x Hunter-killer missile
Paragon Warsuits (170 Points)
• 1x Paragon Superior
• 1x Bolt pistol
1x Multi-melta
1x Paragon grenade launchers
1x Paragon war mace
• 2x Paragon
• 2x Bolt pistol
2x Multi-melta
2x Paragon grenade launchers
2x Paragon war mace
Penitent Engines (55 Points)
• 1x Penitent buzz-blade
1x Penitent flail
1x Penitent flamers
Retributor Squad (105 Points)
• 1x Retributor Superior
• 1x Bolt pistol
1x Close combat weapon
1x Inferno pistol
• 4x Retributor
• 4x Bolt pistol
4x Close combat weapon
4x Multi-melta
Zephyrim Squad (60 Points)
• 1x Zephyrim Superior
• 1x Plasma pistol
1x Power weapon
1x Sacred Banner
• 4x Zephyrim
• 4x Bolt pistol
4x Power weapon
ALLIED UNITS
Callidus Assassin (100 Points)
• 1x Neural shredder
1x Phase sword and poison blades

Hi! Badly need advice for reference. I took the admission exam in West Visayas State University, which is my dream school. Nursing is my first choice but sadly, I’m not eligible to take their aptitude test. For my second option, I passed the admission exam — BSED major in science.
I look for other university with affordable tuition fee for nursing. I enrolled in University of Iloilo with 50% scholarship. Regret malala talaga since I didn’t applied for other university na meron din palang scholarship offers. Inuna ko pa i-maintain yung grades ko ngayong SHS na nakaabot naman sa 95 gen. av. for scholarship purposes pa sana pero last week ko lang na realize na too late na. My next option is Iloilo Doctors’ but they’re already close for BSN. 😭
I’m still uncertain whether to choose WVSU(Educ) or Nursing sa UI. I have a plan to finish two courses but it’s the battle between tuition fee and the quality of teaching, na reasons din kung bakit until now, undecided pa rin ako kung ano muna uunahin. If ever na i-pursue muna yung nursing, mas malaki kasi yung sahod abroad.
Pls. help🥲
I’ll gladly take your opinion and criticism.

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Reddit Account: u/Thenn_Applicant
Discord Tag: Garin
Name and House: Dorian Merryweather
Age: 49
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: [Dorian's chestnut brown hair has been greying for quite a while, however is short beard retains more color, including a few stray red hairs peppered throughout it. While his features have softened and gained some pudge as he aged past his prime, he remains in overall good shape. This is partly due to his great love of gardening and crop cultivation, which have left his hands and nails rather rough.](Dodin-Bouffant-The-Taste-of-Things-Vest.webp (500×650) (williamjacket.com))
Trait: Numerate
Skills: Avaricious (e), Architect, Administrator, Investor
Talents: Language (High Valyrian) Cooking, Gardening
Negative Trait: N/A
Starting Title: Lord of Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Biography:
It has been said; men grow tired of sleep, love, singing and dancing, sooner than war. As such, it begs the question, what does a man have left when he finally tires of war? In pursuit of an answer, of any answer, one half of Dorian Merryweather’s life was spent. He was the second son of Lord Arthor Merryweather of Longtable. Like many others born in a place of natural abundance, he longed for more, for something greater than a mere provincial estate. The tourneys of Highgarden, the hunts of Horn Hill and the books of Oldtown all called to him, and so he could never ride past his father’s mild and verdant fields fast enough. Dorian counted himself lucky not to be the heir, for that meant he could pick where his future lay, unchained from the uninspiring home of his childhood. Instead it was his older brother, Bennard, who envied his free-flying lifestyle, contriving any excuse to join him on his escapades and agurk lessons and ceremonies he ought to have attended.
Lord Arthor was fairly permissive of this deriliction of duties, as the friendships forced on such journeys were worth more than lessons that could be repeated later, or tasks that could be handed off to lowborn stewards. The boys attended tourneys, balls, hunts and feasts, living the life the bards extolled as the height of reachman’s chivalry. The one time they did not shirk their duties was when their father had the honor of hosting King Mern and his court for a tourney on the Warrior’s day. The Merryweather sons would present the king and his family with silver bowls of dilligrout, a most exquisite stew of capons, white wine and almond milk. They had the joy of tasting it once the Gardeners had their fill, a taste they would never forget. On the tournament field three days later, Mern knighted them both, though Dorian was only sixteen at the time, green as a knight could ever be.
Five years later, as news of Aegon Targaryen and his early conquests spread, the lords of the Reach were summoned to Goldengrove, where they found a veritable forest of Westermen’s banners being planted beside their own. The fall of the Storm Kings had led to a whirlwind of diplomacy between the houses of Gardener and Lannister. The plan was presented to the lords with the two kings sitting beside one another on the dais as though they were brothers. They held up Aegon’s letter of demands, scornfully reading it aloud and then proceeded to tear it up to a roaring acclamation from the hall. Standing there before the hall, Mern could hardly be called the Warrior incarnate. There stood a man well past his prime, old enough to be a grandfather and with no great victories to his name, in battle or on the tourney field. All the same, this man, whom they called their king, always seemed to know exactly what to say to win someone over. If he’d declared war on hell itself that evening, the Merryweather brothers would probably still have marched off with him when the next morning dawned. Bennard and Dorian shouted as loud as anyone, death to the foreign upstart. That evening were betrothed to westerwomen they’d never met before, made plans for a real battle, which they had never fought in before, and drank, ate and sang as though the night would last forever. House Merryweather was not able to secure a command, yet King Mern remembered his stay at Longtable fondly. He gave Bennard and Dorian a place in the vanguard, and even adorned Bennard with a brooch of the order of the green hand the morning before the army Goldengrove, a momentous honor which Bennard would cherish for the remainder of his days. He did not have many left, as it turned out. The Field of Fire began like a dream, as the two brothers rode off at the break of dawn, two out of five thousand sets of gleaming armor atop proud warhorses. By the end of the day it had become a nightmare. Caught up in the maelstrom of battle, Dorian did not see the moment when their loss was assured, but the Gods know he could hear it, the creeping, hungry flames that descended on the reachmen like an army of its own. As hundreds were broiled inside their steel plate and thousands more choked on the inferno’s horrible vanguard of black smoke, Bennard and Dorian broke and fled. They were not far behind the retreating Loren Lannister in their escape, but half a minute made all the difference. The lines of fire fanned out, hunting more living things to devour, and engulfed the two brothers. Dorian could feel how the flames spread from his surcoat to his undershirt, all the way down to the hairs on his chest, beginning to sear his skin. In a desperate act he threw himself in the Blackwater, and would have perished if not for the shoddy work of his squire that morning, which left him able to tear off his plate before he could sink. With bloodied, burn-marked fingers, he clung to the roots of a tree by the riverside, water up to his chest. He was retrieved after some time, how long he could not say. For the next two moons his mind was adrift, distracted from his pains by milk of the poppy. The next two were far worse, as he grew more lucid and realized the extent of the damage. A burn-mark stretched from his right thigh, all the way up his chest and left bicep to the apple of his neck. Many times over, flakes of dead or dying skin had to be peeled off by the maester as the scabs kept bursting with blood and clear liquid. By the end of that year he was able to walk again, though the burn mark would leave a feverish red mark across the front of his body, his new skin settling into twisted lines.
Bennard was far worse for wear, alive yet burned all the way to his face and crippled from a fall off his horse. His nose and ear-lobes had to be cut off, too burned to save, and even his eyelids were permanently scarred, unable to sprout new lashes. The more lucid Bennard became, the deeper his sorrow. Eventually he began refusing food. The new lord of Longtable would not eat anything his cooks set in front of him. In spite of his ever present pains, Dorian began going to the kitchens, reprimanding the cooks for their failings. He knew his brother well and knew his palette, and began ordering them to make his brother’s favorites. When he felt they were making mistakes, he interrupted their work himself. He was a stranger to the kitchen, yet would criticize how things were cut too roughly, spiced too little or too much. He was a terror to the cooks, yet they could not refuse him.
His attempts to intervene were however hampered by a newfound aversion to heat. The sound of the hearth, of boiling and searing, the general sense of warmth around him made him nauseous and caused his movements to seize up. Still, he went to his brother’s bedside every day, and afterwards he forced himself back to the kitchens. His sister, Lydia, tried to stop him at first, but soon found her protes fell on deaf ears, and so joined him, if only to leash him in when he went too far. Finally, there was only one dish they hadn’t tried; the dilligrout they’d once served to the late King Mern. Every time it was made, it came out wrong. It soon turned out the cook who had served them that evening six years ago had since retired, and his exact method had never been recorded or taught to anyone else. Dorian would first invite the man to Longtable, then summon him with armed knights when invitations were refused.
Theomar, the man who appeared before him, was a sorry sight, looking frightened and confused as he was taken to his old workplace. It was explained by his sons that he’d been growing senile even six years ago, often snapping at the kitchen maids under him when his memory failed him. Since then he’d gotten worse, seldom eating, let alone cooking. Something in the old man’s eyes did seem to brighten for a moment when the sounds and smells of his old kitchen surrounded him, and Dorian ordered him to make dilligrout. Before long that faint spark had been drowned out by tears. He would start boiling capon or crushing almonds, only to leave the job half-done whenever he had to fetch something new. Serving maids were put at his disposal to bring him ingredients, yet an ingredient ordered would be met with a reprimand as he seemed to forget which dish he was making every few minutes. Finally Dorian snapped at the man, grabbing him by his collar and shouting accusations of treason against House Merryweather. By the time Lydia could restrain him and try to apologize, the man was a wreck on the floor. After watching it for a while, waiting for the man to get up and continue his work, even Dorian was overcome by pity and shame for what he’d done. The old cook was praying to the gods, begging forgiveness for his failings. Dorian began to realize he’d broken a great man down and would himself beg forgiveness. He offered the man his old cook’s quarters back for the rest of his life, and promised his sons that his maester would tend to the man in his old age, that he would be fed from Longtable’s stores.
At this point, he resolved to make the dilligrout himself. Through it all, Bennard was barely clinging to life, or rather being tethered to it by the will of others. He could only be fed when drugged down by the milk of the poppy, and the more often it was used, the less effective it became. Every day Dorian braved the kitchens, yet he could not recreate the flavor of that wonderful night. It was by the grace of the gods, perhaps with Theomar as their vessel, that Dorian would even come close. The old man could no longer cook, but over time he began to wander into the kitchens and sit down on a chair. At first Dorian thought the man only sought the warmth of the hearth for his weary bones, yet he discovered it to be more than that. Theomar’s eyes were like clouded glass, yet they brightened every now and then, hearing almonds being ground, smelling capons searing in fat, as though it was stirring the kitchenmaster of yore back to life. Eventually Dorian began to walk up to the old cook with his ingredients, bidding him to smell or taste small portions. Sometimes he got simple instructions out of it, ‘too coarse’, ‘too sour’, ‘underdone’. Som times a mere nod or frown was all Theomar managed. Over the course of a couple of days, Dorian put together one final attempt to get the dish made rightWhen he arrived in Bennard’s chamber, he was met with a look which brought forth discomfort that no flame could produce in Dorian. Plainly, raspingly, his brother asked him why he wouldn’t let him die. It was easy, Bennard reasoned. All Dorian needed to do was wait and become lord. The words almost made Dorian throw the dilligrout on the floor. Almost. He placed two bowls on Bennard’s table, the dilligrout and one brimming with milk of the poppy. Dorian told his brother to make his choice. If he sought death, Dorian would let him, but he would not hear that it was an easy thing, watching his brother die. That evening, the milk of the poppy was carried away by the maester, the empty bowl of stew taken to be washed in the kitchens. From then on, Bennard ate what his brother brought him without complaint. He lasted just into the new year, dying on its tenth day. In the predawn gloom of the twelfth, Theomar died in his sleep
Dorian took up his lordly task joylessly. His old wanderlust returned, spurred by the horrible memories that now stained Longtable and the reach itself in his mind. The final straw came when their new Tyrell overlords, insisted on him marrying a lady from a dornish house. His previous betrothal had fallen through, as the parents of his western bride had not wished to draw the ire of the Targaryens by maintaining an old alliance meant to oppose them. Instead of obliging, he boarded a ship from Oldtown going east. It stopped only briefly in Planky Town before going to Tyrosh. Noting him to be a nobleman, a few of the city’s wealthy men would host him for a while, though they quickly lost interest when his lack of knowledge of trade became apparent. After that, he spent time in the markets and squares where the common people lived. His old curiosity was piqued, and he decided to embark on a quest of learning, fashioning himself another Lomas Longstrider. He moved on to Myr, and the experience was much the same in broad strokes, a few rich men showed interest and quickly lost it. As he’d visited the dye markets he went to see the city’s famous artisans at work. One thing was notably different, he met a Tyroshi woman with green-dyed hair, going by the name Maryah. She was a trader, and the two had taken the same ship to Myr. She had been to Myr before and showed him many of its secrets. They spent an entire day in one of the vast delicacy markets so she could show him the many tastes of the city. Having no plans in advance, he asked where she was headed next.
Without a second thought he would join her on a journey to Lys. He soon understood it to be a test. It was not long before she teased him, speculating he’d only joined her for a chance to see the famous pleasure houses. Evening after evening they stayed in the city and Maryah would tease and test him over the matter. Finally he told her he’d renounce his betrothal for her, that there was no one else in his eye. She laughed, replying he would not have to. The next morning, Dorian awoke to find that she was already up, the green washed from her black curls. Maryah had in fact been Joanna Dayne, his dornish bride to be, having traveled the same route as him ever since his ship stopped at Planky Town to refill its food and water. She was already quite familiar with the three closest free cities, having served as a dornish envoy on behalf of its spice traders. As they planned their return to Westeros, Joanna asked him what else in the world he wanted to see. Within a few moons of being wed, they left Westeros, not to return for three years.The journey was what his mind needed, away from the Reach, its knights and tapestries, hunts and tourneys. Ultimately, the lords and knights of his homeland, for all their songs and poetry, lived every day in preparation for war, frivolous though the preparations were. Joanna showed him a different world, the remnants of Old Valyria. War was to be sure inescapable. Wherever they went, there were soldiers, tapestries, contests of arms, and yet the cities housed something else as well, a boundless potential for creation, commerce and growth.
Thanks to Joanna Dayne’s knowledge their stays became far better planned, and they could enjoy the hospitality of wealthy locals far longer. She knew how to talk about the spice trade and similar matters, and Dorian began to pick up on it. On their second stay in Myr, he procured a great deal of fine parchment and began taking notes, everything from negotiation tactics and the prices of cloves or red peppers to court customs, as well as more eclectic pieces of knowledge, details of running an eastern estate, descriptions of technological marvels he had never seen in Westeros, and ingredients in the local food. By the time they neared Qarth he had quite the list of recipes, among other things. There he was even able to learn a few all the way from Yi Ti, as some local cooks catered to merchants from the Golden Empire. On their journey home they’d end up taking the opportunity to see the newly made port of King’s Landing. By that time, a third member had joined their journey, their infant daughter Florys. Having left Longtable in the care of his sister and steward for three years, Dorian finally accepted the responsibility of running his ancestral home.
Longtable was considered to rule over some of the best lands in the Reach, ideally situated along the river with abundant soil which could provide two grain harvests in a year. Having seen the estates which supplied the great cities of the east, Dorian was all too aware of its comparative shortcomings. He found that the abundance of the land had a counterproductive effect, breeding complacency and carelessness. From his grandiose tour of the east, he went on a painstaking tour of his own lands, trying to get an overview of everything he ruled over. He paid the citadel a fee to send him half a dozen maesters in training for a season. These young men, literate and numerate, would serve his own maester in conducting a survey of the land, giving Dorian account of all resources at his disposal as lord. The results were quite varied.
Some peasants were found to have remarkable agricultural insights which they had no way of writing down, entirely reliant on passing the knowledge to their children. Knowing the risks of such a method of transferring knowledge, Dorian ordered such insights recorded. In other places there were farmers and communities who were unwittingly exhausting their soil. Instances of lack of fallow land, excessive grazing by cows and lack of crop rotation were also made note of, followed by edicts against such heedless practices. Septons, sheriffs and tax collectors were given written copies and were obliged to read them to the peasantry wherever it was deemed necessary. It also became part of the obligations of farmers to plant a set amount of clover in their fields and pastures, a practice some had taken up on their own but which had already become a standardized law among the estates belonging to Myr and Volantis. Irrigation was expanded and land inheritance was reformed to prevent the splitting of fields past a certain threshold.
Lord Dorian was not always successful. Some eastern ideas had been useful innovations which improved conditions across the board. In time he learned that the peculiarities of the westerosi system were sometimes necessary for the sake of stability, not merely the misshapen fruits of ignorance. His attempt to enclose part of the common lands proved abortive, as it nearly caused a peasant rebellion. A procession of aggrieved smallfolk headed for Longtable had to be dispersed by knights, armed with wooden clubs to prevent needless bloodshed.Two men were hanged and five sent to the wall, but the reform was thereafter abandoned, leading the populace to calm down. Dorian was not much of a military leader and had not wielded weapons since the Field of Fire. He became aware of his need to bolster his forces, a notion reinforced by the establishment of the Black Roses not long after his return, and again with the Kingswood Catastrophe
In the meantime, he and Joanna raised a family together. Three more daughters would be born healthy, with a couple of miscarriages and a stillbirth in between, also a daughter. Their travels did not entirely come to an end. In 13 AC they would tour the northern free cities of Norvos, Qohor, Pentos, Braavos and Lorath, which they had missed on their original journey. The lion’s share of 17 AC was spent on a journey to the Summer Islands. At other times they would make shorter journeys around the Seven Kingdoms, where they felt more secure in bringing their older children along. Whether it was visiting Joanna’s family in Dorne, tourneys and feasts in the Reach and West or even one trip to see the wall, a nameday wish by Florys, they were often on the move. Like most of their peers, they frequented Oldtown and Highgarden
The growing rift between the two queens and their children was a situation Dorian would watch with dread in his heart, remembering keenly how a generation of young men had been brought to the field of fire. To his mind, the Targaryen rule ought not go to waste. Like Valyria of old, it had begun with fire and blood, yet similarly peace and prosperity had followed in its wake. If only the dragons could stand united, perhaps another long peace like the one the Freehold once enjoyed could again be established. If not, another century of blood was upon them. Under Dorian, Longtable became a place where he sought to bring together people from across the kingdoms and forge unity over the dinner table, an attitude which somewhat vexed and confounded his more militaristic daughter and heiress, Lady Florys. Even amid her questioning of the viability of his peaceful ways when surrounded by those who would make war, a terrible sight would steel his resolve, watching the Mander burning green, every bit as terrible as the flames from twenty one years prior. That night he made a simple vow, never again.
The League of the Cornucopia, he would name his little group, a gallery of lords and ladies whose acquaintances he’d made over the years. With these fellow gourmets he would share the culinary knowledge he’d gleaned from his journeys in the east and west. Most unusual for a lord of his rank, Dorian came to spend a great deal of time in his kitchens, testing out recipes himself. On occasion, the dishes he served to his guests for these small, intimate gatherings would be the work of his own hands. The membership did vary from time to time, both based on who could make it and who he sought to bring together. Rather than a fully closed circle, the League is more like a form of feasting, only it’s done for a much smaller crowd, without the public spectacle. Such occasions allowed for more refined foods which did not need to be served to hundreds and kept constantly warm over the course of hours like some common tavern stew. It also opened up an arena of more intimate diplomacy and negotiation for those who sought it, hosted on neutral ground by a lordly mediator, free from prying eyes.
Timeline:
25BC: Dorian is born, second in line to Longtable
24BC: His sister Lydia is born
9BC: House Merryweather hosts House Gardener for a tourney and feast. Dorian and his older brother Bennard serve the dish of honor to King Mern Gardener and his family. During the subsequent tourney, Mern knights both boys, despite their inexperience and lack of victory in the tourney
9BC-2BC: Dorian spends much time travelling the reach, attending events
1BC: Dorian and Bennard fight in the vanguard at the Field of Fire. Both are burned, Bennard far more severely than Dorian. Lord Merryweather is killed. Traumatized by the battle and his new maimed body, Bennard starts refusing food. Dorian desperately tries to re-create the dish they served King Mern eight years ago. The cook who made it has since gone senile, but eventually manages to help Dorian re-create it. He is given a place at court as apology for his mistreatment at Dorian's hands before this occurred.
1AC: Lord Bennard dies at the beginning of the year, leaving Dorian as lord of Longtable. His sister Lydia fulfills her betrothal to House Tarly, becoming lady of Horn Hill. At the prospect of marrying a Dornishwoman on the King's orders, Dorian decides to leave Westeros to put off his marriage. In Myr, he meets a woman calling herself Maryah, claiming to be a Tyroshi merchant. They fall in love and travel to Lys together. There Dorian promises to set aside his betrothal for her, whereupon she reveals herself as Joanna Dayne, his dornish betrothed.
1AC-4AC: Dorian and Joanna wed at Longtable, then depart on a new journey of the east. They reach as far as Qarth before turning back home. In 3AC, on the way back, their first child, Florys, is born while the couple are in Volantis, on the way home. They return via the newly built port of King's Landing.
4AC-8AC: Using knowledge from the east, Lord Dorian embarks on a project of rationalizing the agriculture of Longtable
5AC: Dorian and Joanna have their second child, a girl named Ellyn
8AC: Their third daughter, Desmera, is born
13AC: Dorian and Joanna spend a year travelling the northern free cities
14AC: Their fourth and final daughter, Gwin, is born
17AC: Dorian and Joanna undertake a journey to the Summer Islands with their children
23AC: The aftermath of the battle of Stonebridge brings back memories of the Field of Fire, as the Merryweathers watch burning slag run down the Mander
25AC: The Merryweathers travel to the celebration of the maturity of Aegon's sons
Family Tree:
Arthor Merryweather (father, d.1BC)
Cerelle Merryweather (pending family connection) (mother, d.20AC)
Bennard Merryweather (brother, d.1AC)
Lydia Merryweather (sister, b.24BC)
Glendon Merryweather (uncle, d.1BC)
Myrcella Pommingham (aunt, d.22AC)
Leo Merryweather (cousin, b.13AC)
Joanna Dayne (wife, b.26AC)
Florys Merryweather (daughter, b.3AC)
Ellyn Merryweather (daughter, b.5AC)
Desmera Merryweather (daughter, b.8AC)
Gwin Merryweather (daughter, b.13AC)
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Auxiliary Character:
Name and House: Florys Merryweather
Age: 23
Cultural Group: Reachman
Appearance: [A short, muscular woman with wavy black hair, normally worn in a bun. She has high cheekbones and a proud demeanor. Her rigid strength stands in contrast to the more relaxed nature of the Merryweather court, one she finds overly lax and casual](0_0.png (896×1344) (discordapp.com))
Trait: Hale
Skills: Swords (e), Essosi Blademaster
Talents: Dancing, Fishing, Cooking
Negative Traits: N/A
Starting Title: Heir to Longtable
Starting Location: Opening Event
Timeline:
3AC: Florys is born in Volantis, while her parents are on their way home from Essos
10AC: Florys starts training under Saathos Trevelyan, her father's Master at Arms
13 AC: She joins her parents on a tour of Pentos, Braavos, Norvos and Qohor
17AC: She travels with her parents to the Summer Islands
19AC-23AC: As she comes of age, Florys becomes more critical of her father's desire for peace, viewing it as increasingly far-fetched amid the increasingly controversial regency and the impending succession dispute. She resolves to make the kinds of connections her father seems unwilling to, in case of war
25AC: She accompanies her family to the celebrations
NPCS:
Ser Leo Merryweather (Age: 37, Archetype: Magnate) Lord Merryweather's first cousin, he has become an indispensable agent in the daily running of Longtable. Despite his foppish demeanor and aparent laziness, he is highly capable and loyal in his task of increasing his family's fortune. He remains happily unwed
Saathos Tevelyan: (Age:48, Archetype: Master at Arms) The son of a Lysene father and a Myrish mother, Saathos initially sought a career in amongst Myr's military officers, however his family's relatively low status proved an impediment to further promotion, later compounded by a dispute with a superior. He met Lord Merryweather in 3AC and eventually travelled West to offer his services five years later, finding his career progress stonewalled in his home city. Well into middle age, he still looks firm and imposing as profesisonal a soldier ought to

I 16F am dating a guy 16M ,lets call him Sam, for the past 9 months. We know each other since 9th grade (4 yrs) and are really good friends since. My now bf's mom was really nice and supportive of me at the early stages of our friendship. She didn't seem to have an issue with her son being a really good friend of mine. But now that we have started dating and she accidently found out she is going nuts. when she first got to know about this she and her husband beat up sam really bad to an extent where he was swollen for days. Later my bf told me that while beating him she said that I worked as a prostitute/sex worker and slept with many different guys every other day. At first i thought that she had a misconception but progressively her statements towards me got worse. she said i sleep with my father and have had many external affairs. None of this is true I have only dated one guy before my current bf and it was nothing physical. She claims to have seen my having sex with multiple partners and say that my mother pays me to do all this.. my mother is sweet lady who is very protective of me. By this time i understood that she was making up all of this just to get Sam to stay away from me. She started to tell the same lies to all my school teacher and my teacher started to look down on me. Sam claims that he knows his mother is wrong and will fix it in the future. She sked Sam to block me on all platforms and cut all contacts with me. i really some Sam and he loves me as well. My mother doesn't like Sam because she finds his mother to be an attention seeking lair...which i agree is true. Sam is being poorly treated by his own parents in his house. His mother doesn't listen to him at all and is verbally, emotionally and physically abusive and his father follows his mothers footsteps. His mother considers herself to be the best woman alive. She constantly posts about how amazing and honest she is when she is the complete opposite irl. I've started to hate her as she keeps on making weird remarks about me and my family. She is friend with my english teacher and my gbf's mother. My gbf and Sam dated for a while a few years prior. And she kinda likes to interfere in my bf's life.. So sam doesn't really talk to her. So Sam's mom told my english teach and her friends that im a whore and me along with my entire family watch porn together. I am now furious and disgusted by her lies. Sam says he cant really do anything about it. and hes right, she will beat him up again. Due to this my teachers have been looking down on me and give me judge-y looks. His mother has built this entire thing out of lies and idk why everyone believes her. She doesnt want to listen to anyone and is not understanding at all. she makes an ugly disgusted face whenever she sees me. According to her im ugly but tbh she is severly overweight as well.I am good at academics and am always one of the top students, can cook and have been to multiple competitions etc on the behalf of the school. The teacher used to love me but now because of her lies they have started to be biased and hate me for everthing that I do. The english teacher believes his mum and has been spreading the same false information to other teachers as well. I really love Sam and do not want to give up on him but she doesnt let sam talk to me or even be around me. I hate it. She says that she is perfect but all she does is lie. my mother does not know about this and i really want to teach that merciless woman a lesson. idk what to do..any suggestions?

Hell everyone hope all of you are having a good day so far, i made a post a few days ago just detailing how i got a new instructor after dropping my old one and the same day as that post i had a lesson with her so i thought it just detail how it went.
Firstly, she was 10 minutes late but did message me saying she would be and apologised and stuff. For me this was already better than my old instructor as he would turn up 15-20 mins late and not even give an apology or a reason as to why he was late. So even the small things like letting me know she’ll be late was an improvement
When she arrived she seemed so lovely, she’s an old(ish) woman who taught my cousin and my cousin loved her. He described her like my nan, granted i know none of you will know who she is but let’s just say she’s sweet and patient with a sense of humour, and the instructor was just like that.
I tend to say sorry a lot when i’m driving, idk why i just do but i remember the first time i said sorry she instantly went ‘we don’t say sorry in this car, we say shit’ and we both had a laugh but anyways, i began to feel comfortable in the car and of course this played into the actual driving aswell.
I paid her for an hour and a half and we was gone for 2 hours which idk if that was the plan or accidental but i feel like in that one lesson i had made more progress with her than my old instructor. Obviously i did make some mistakes but im going to i’m still a leaner but there weren’t as many as with my old instructor.
She said im test ready and said i could use her car however she phoned me later than day saying she isn’t available the day of my test because she has to go to the hospital so im doing the test in my car but still having lessons with her.
So yea that’s what happened, i have her again today and was debating making a post until after the lesson but i just decided do it not why not

It's a blustery day, and the downpour is pouring perseveringly outside.
Out of nowhere, the lights glimmer, and afterward haziness immerses the whole office space.
Alarm sets in as PCs shut down and significant work comes to a standstill.
Be that as it may, stand by!
This story will outfit you with the information to forestall such situations.
Since, in the present computerized age, we are vigorously dependent on power for essentially every part of our lives. From controlling our homes and organizations to charging our gadgets and running fundamental machines, a consistent and dependable stock of electrical power is pivotal.
Notwithstanding, blackouts can occur in light of multiple factors, including serious climate, hardware disappointment, or matrix over-burdens. To guarantee a continuous power supply, particularly in basic circumstances, it's fundamental to have a strong electrical power plan B set up.
The following are five significant interesting points while building such an arrangement.

1. Distinguish Your Power Needs

The most vital phase in making a compelling electrical power fallback is to distinguish your particular power needs. This includes figuring out which machines and systems are fundamental for your home or business to work during a blackout. For example, your rundown might incorporate things like fridges, lighting, warming or cooling systems, security systems, and specialized gadgets.
Whenever you've recognized these fundamental burdens, you can ascertain the wattage or kilowatt-hour prerequisites for every one of them. This data is vital because it will assist you with picking the right reinforcement power arrangement that can deal with your particular requirements. Remember that various apparatuses and systems have different power necessities, and some might require more ability to begin (flood power) than to consistently run.

1. Pick the Right Reinforcement Power Source

When you realize your power needs, the next step is to pick the right reinforcement power source. There are a few choices accessible, each with its own benefits and drawbacks. Here are probably the most widely recognized reinforcement power sources to consider:
a. Compact Generators
Compact generators are a financially savvy choice for giving reinforcement power. They come in different sizes and can burn gas, propane, or diesel fuel. Convenient generators are flexible and can control a scope of machines and systems during a blackout. Nonetheless, they require manual activity and fuel recharging.
b. Backup Generators
Reserve generators are forever introduced external your home or business and are associated straightforwardly to your electrical system. They are intended to naturally turn on when there's a blackout and can give nonstop capacity to a drawn out period. Backup generators are great for the individuals who require continuous power for fundamental systems.
c. Sunlight based Power with Battery Stockpiling
Sunlight based power systems combined with battery capacity are an eco-accommodating reinforcement power arrangement. During typical circumstances, they create power from daylight and store abundance energy in batteries. At the point when a blackout happens, these systems can give reinforcement power, lessening dependence on the lattice and bringing down energy costs over the long run.
d. Uninterruptible Power Supply (UPS)
UPS systems are generally used to give momentary reinforcement capacity to basic hardware like PCs and servers. They offer assurance against brief power interferences and permit you to securely save your work and shut down gadgets. UPS systems are accessible in different sizes and can give capacity to a couple of moments to a few hours, contingent upon the limit.
The decision of reinforcement power source will rely upon elements like your financial plan, the term of blackouts in your space, and your natural inclinations. It's fundamental to talk with an expert to decide the most ideal choice for your particular requirements.

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While building an electrical power backup plan, security ought to be a first concern. Inappropriate establishment and activity of reinforcement power sources can prompt electrical perils, flames, or harm to your electrical system. It's fundamental to follow neighborhood electrical codes and guidelines and recruit an authorized electrical technician to introduce and keep up with your reinforcement power source.
Some significant wellbeing contemplations include:
- Legitimate establishing and holding of the reinforcement power system.
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By complying with security rules and codes, you can safeguard your property and the prosperity of those inside it during blackouts.

1. Think about Burden Shedding and Prioritization

In case of a blackout, it's vital to focus on which electrical burdens you need to control with your reinforcement source. Not all apparatuses and systems are similarly significant, and endeavoring to control everything might over-burden your reinforcement system or channel its fuel saves rapidly.
Make a heap shedding plan that frames which burdens are fundamental and which can be briefly separated during a blackout. Focus on things like refrigeration, warming or cooling, and clinical hardware if essential. This will assist you with dealing with your reinforcement power assets all the more actually and expand their runtime.
Before You Go
Building an electrical power backup plan is a fundamental stage for both private and business properties.
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Please bear in mind that these thoughts really only apply to RetCa Starscythe units, I just can't really explain that in a title!
This is because I think the comparison might be a bit more complicated than most people seem to realise due to the fact Farsight can use 'The Arro'kon Protocol' on his unit every turn, for free. To save you looking it up in case you can't remember;
"Until the end of the [shooting] phase, each time a model in your [battlesuit] unit makes an attack that targets an enemy unit that contains 6 or more models, that attack has the [SUSTAINED HITS 1] ability. If that attack targets an enemy unit that contains 11 or more models, it has the [SUSTAINED HITS 2] ability instead."
Alright, cool. Weirdly, my first thought wasn't Starscythes but in fact Fireknives because they like firing into big, healthy units and they get rerolls so you're gonna hit a lot of shots pretty reliably. Seemed to make sense but after some pondering I decided that too much of the appeal of Fireknives is their 'mid-strength weapon' versatility. They can play a bit of the resource management efficiency game with the 30" range and rerolls but if the moment calls for it, you can zip up into Bonded Heroes range and lay down some slightly higher than expected damage. Or fire up the Starflare Ignition System and peace out to the backline to cause trouble. To me that sounds a lot more fun and probably actually better than fishing for 6s while Farsight spends his time popping his stratagem repeatedly, waving his sword around a bit and turn by turn, slowly losing his erection.
Ok but Farsight of course enjoys his time amongst the new frontlining Starscythes so the original point of this post was to think about whether a 235pt burst cannon unit pumping out 24 S6AP-2 sus2 +1 to wound, rerolling all the 1s can compare to what the commanders offer. I'll exclude drones because I have to because I'm not that smart.
Assuming S. Suits are helping I think you average about 27 hits and you're gonna be wounding anything up to T5 on 2s, rerolling the 1s. Ok. Seems pretty good to me. Asking kindly for a 10man+leader unit to take 25 AP-2 saves sounds like something I'd enjoy. Good chance they fail 16 and they don't like it. And it's still 15-16 wounds on a 6man T6 unit which at AP-2 will often mean 3 dead chunky 3W models and sometimes 4.
Ok now imagine a (260pts) Coldstar-led team zooming across the battlefield to get within 6", dropping a few mortals on a few heads on the way over. It's nice to think about. I'm just gonna go with flamers because I think the overwatch threat is substantial enough when you're up close to justify them so 9 flamers is gonna be 31ish hits with S5 AP-2. If you're rich enough in observer units to guide with S. Suits you might earn an extra 3 wounds here vs T3/4 but for me part of the appeal of the flamers is that you can put a marker drone on the Shas'vre/Commander and spot during the turns you're usually wishing you didn't have to engage all of your spotters in frantic, sacrificial move blocking.
So with the Coldstar it's roughly 20-23 wounds vs T3/4, 15-17 vs T5 at AP-2 and that's excluding the HOBC completely. Already pretty decent but we must also try to weigh this units high independence, overwatch threat, mobility, and ability to dish out mortal wounds (and no I haven't forgotten about the fabled Farsight tank shock but to be honest I don't have much of an idea about how good it is in actuality this edition so I just sort of feel unable to add this in to the equation. That's on me.).
The damage would be slightly less on an Enforcer but then of course you get to save points and you get his lovely durABILITY. And does it even matter that you can't zoom when you can use the tiny blade to get 3" inside of them? Does anyone else just picture a 3" inch knife when you think of 'The Shortened Blade' because of your inability to not think about the rules for a moment? Because I can't not picture a 3" inch blade and it irritates me because it looks pathetic in my mind's eye. Now is the time to speak up if you share my pain. But anyway the Enforcer just seems very delicious in this type of plan given that we have amazing access to the deep and important areas of the board. You know .. Could it just be that worsening incoming AP on a unit that really needs to be killed is just really fucking good when the nearby enemy infantry can't move a muscle without getting completely cooked? I really would implore anyone who doesn't think this codex is strong or fun to keep reading and stay curious.
If anyone has any insights or thoughts I'd sincerely like to hear them as I feel that a lot of this conversation thus far has come down to more guns is better. Something which is admittedly true for us most of the time. Hopefully no matter what you think you can see this is a pretty good example of nice internal balance. Perhaps Firesight can't match up to the Commanders on the top, top level of the game (but perhaps he can?!) but I think clearly his access to free Arro'kon Protocols make him a real punchy threat on top of what is already a cool looking, versatile-ish, 8W 2+/4++ utility leader.
To the one Shas'O that read the whole thing, thanks, but get back to work. Your boss has noted this is your third extended toilet break of the morning and he is on the brink of offering you unsolicited dietary advice.

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF ABUSE, CHILD S*XUAL ABUSE, S*ICIDE
tl;dr: I'm trying to figure out if my husband could be a narcissist, or emotionally immature, or some mashup of both. Could someone explain this to me like I'm five?
(If this isn’t the right group, please point me in the right direction)
I tried my best to condense, but it’s a really long one. I’m sorry.
A breakdown of the pertinent info:

Me: F, mid-fifties, just returned to PT work outside of home Husband: M, mid-fifties, always worked a regular job, main wage earner Married: 30+ years w/adult kids (no longer at home)

For a while, I've thought my husband has definitely shown signs of narcissistic behavior. I won't list everything, but a few things are that he is definitely argumentative (over seemingly insignificant issues), jealous, needy for my attention and flies off the handle if he feels ignored, his only "love language" seems to be sex (and any lack of it means I don't love him), he loves the silent treatment which is always followed by a huge blowup and then love-bombing, he always one-ups me (he works harder, he feels worse, he is more tired, etc). There's more, but I'm trying to keep this short. I will say that he has never physically hurt me, but he has spent a lot of energy being emotionally abusive.
I would say that is his main thing; constantly saying how much I don't love him and how much I don't care about him if he feels the least little bit ignored or has to spend any time alone. My going back to work at a PT job has just turned that fire into an inferno because I've gone from a SAHM/SAHW to working PT, and sometimes just by necessity he is by himself (I want to say that, in the thirty years he has worked his job, I have been by myself more times than I can count because he has worked scheduled/unscheduled/spur-of-the-moment overtime, and I just rolled with it because, really, what other choice was there? Unemployment for the main breadwinner?). He absolutely cannot handle being alone, while I find being alone refreshing and rejuvenating. In fact, I'm the opposite; I'm like, "Do you love me? Then go away and leave me alone for a while!"
But here's where I have been doing some thinking. I know that many of you are going to say that there is no way, but I do believe he loves me. I've seen the man behind all that. And I do love him, despite all of the problems and issues, and I believe as much as he understands it, he loves me too. I am determined to work on this marriage. It occurred to me the other day, when he was mad and throwing a fit about something; I thought; "He's acting like a toddler who needs a snack and a nap." And so my mind started wandering along those lines for a bit.
You see, my husband has had a hard life. Both of us grew up in dysfunctional families with abusive parents. His father was definitely a narcissist, and physically abusive to his wife and at least to my husband (the GC sibling seems to have escaped most of it) and I've heard was sexually abusive to family members as well. He put his wife in the hospital more than once because of severe beatings. He threatened to drive off a bridge with the whole family in the car. He threatened all of them with a gun and a family friend had to come over and save them. He regularly beat my husband for the crime of not eating his vegetables at dinner. When my husband was 22, and I was pregnant, his father tried to hit him over the head with a huge wrench. (My husband is a strong man; that was a dumb idea.) There’s apparently a lot more my husband won’t talk about and/or doesn't remember.
But his mother wasn't an angel, either (let's be clear, SHE DID NOT DESERVE SPOUSAL ABUSE OF ANY KIND. NO PERSON DESERVES ABUSE. However, you can not deserve abuse and, at the same time, not be a nice person). She believed the world revolved around her, she was never wrong and the smartest person in the room, and my husband was expected to be at her beck and call whenever she wanted him for whatever reason. She abused him in her own way. Hurting people hurt people. When I came along, he was nineteen, and I treated him like an adult; that went over like a lead balloon because she treated him like a child.
Shortly after we got married and had our first child, she purposefully ceased to live, which threw my husband into a deep, deep depression for a few years. It was rough. I tried to get him to go to therapy, but he flat refused. We worked through it and eventually had another child, and he can finally talk about it now, thirty-some years later. But he rarely visits her grave, and I’ve never forced him to go if he doesn’t want to.
At very significant points in his emotional development, my husband had some major life crises happen:

He had to retake first grade because his mother was put in the hospital by his father's abuse; he shut down to the point he wouldn't do his homework and had to be held back (which is hard enough); he would have been around 7 years old He spent his childhood dealing with an abusive father and wondering if he was going to literally not be alive His parents finally divorced when he was around 14 years old After that, he and his mother and sibling were constantly financially insecure His mother purposefully ceased to live when he was twenty-three, after we had just had our first child He has told me that he doesn’t remember large chunks of his childhood (which I understand is a trauma response)

As he was being 'constructed', there was built a severely flawed frame structure around these emotionally damaged areas; the ability in his ‘frame’ to withstand a structural state of stress is severely defective. He never really learned how to regulate his emotions, how to work through them or deal with them in a healthy way. His mother never got him therapy for the abuse he had endured since birth; if anything, she compounded it (that’s a whole post in itself because, wait for it, she was a counselor). The only relationship he had modeled on a consistent basis was a dysfunctional, abusive, unhealthy one. (He did have maternal grandparents who were loving and kind, but they couldn't be there 24/7.) His aunts and uncles were all also in dysfunctional marriages/divorces, so no help or escape there. As a result, he has nothing to draw from when he feels stress, irritation, anger, sadness, irritation, loneliness; he struggles to even identify the differences between all of those emotions. He is extremely simplistic in his thought processes when it comes to emotions: He feels good/bad, energetic/tired, loved/unloved, happy/sad, full/starving; sometimes he’s capable of mildly annoyed if he's in a really good mood, but mostly his emotions are one extreme or the other (they do not change wildly; he picks one and usually sticks with it for a while).
If he feels stressed in one area of his life, then EVERY area of his life, in his mind, sucks. Very black/white. No grey at all. I’m not sure he knows grey exists. He thinks life should ALWAYS be a happy feeling, and if there is any bad/sad/stress/negative emotion, then that ruins it all and he can only concentrate on that, like a pebble in his shoe.
It’s like if someone gave each of us an oatmeal raisin cookie (mine has my allergens/intolerances removed):
Neither of us are big fans of raisins, but we both like oatmeal cookies. I will just eat around the raisins, or I will pick them out. If that is impossible, I’ll just eat the raisins, even though they aren’t my favorites, because I like oatmeal cookies and I try to look at the positive. “A minute ago I didn’t have a cookie, but now I do have a cookie, even though it has raisins that I don’t like, so life is pretty okay at this moment.” (I try to find something positive, even if it’s just a little thing, and focus on that.)
He will spend his time bitching that his cookie has raisins. He doesn’t like raisins. Don’t they know he doesn’t like raisins? How is he supposed to eat this cookie with raisins? And if I point out that he can make the best of it and just try to pick out the raisins, then he gets all upset. “But I should have got a cookie with no raisins. I shouldn’t have to pick out the raisins. Even if I pick them out, I can still taste them. Life sucks all the time.” (He finds something negative in everything, even if it’s a little thing, and builds it up to overshadow all the good things.)
So, I’m thinking that he has probably inherited some narcissistic tendencies from his father (and some not-so-pleasant stuff from his mother as well), and then he’s added emotional trauma to this, which makes me think emotional immaturity has been stirred into this particular pie (or cookie, if you will). Could this be so?
Here’s a very recent case in point. He works nights. I mostly work days, but my job is such that I sometimes need to be ‘on-call’, and so occasionally I need to go in at weird hours/times. It’s a great job and I love it, and it’s a perfect fit for me and my skill-set, but he’s having a hard time adjusting to me not always being around like I have been for most of our marriage. (Remember, to him not being around=not loving him.) He feels like he’s not the center of attention any more, even though I’ve tried to make up for it.
Due to circumstances beyond our control, we are temporarily sharing a car. We're making the best of it, but it’s a hassle and we are both tired of it (using public transportation is not an option in our rural area and neither of us have coworkers who live close to us). His shifts can be 8-12 hours, depending. Well, on certain days of the month, he works mandatory 12-hour shifts. They are always on specific days. I made work plans based on that schedule, which never changes. But yep, you guessed it…this past Saturday, it changed. He told me that I didn’t need to take him to work that night since he was only working 8 hours, and I was all, “What? No, I really need the car because I already told my boss I would work tonight because I know you always work 12 hours on this day.”
Just how I was supposed to know the schedule changed, I’m not sure, but he completely lost the plot. He started yelling at me while we were still home and it didn’t stop until I dropped him off at work an hour later. I just shut down. He covered every subject; I didn’t love him, I didn’t care about his feelings, nobody EVER cares about his feelings, I always leave him alone, I never have sex with him so that PROVES I don’t love him (I have sat him down and told him, repeatedly, about some physical issues I am having at the moment that really don’t make sex much fun for me which I am under a doctor’s care for, and I have reassured him that I love him very much and I want to have sex with him but I need to get these physical things under control; to his credit, he has never forced me to have sex), I work too much, I shouldn’t have taken the stupid job anyway (he is the one who told me I should probably get a PT job), I don’t get paid enough (I make the going rate for what I do), I don’t clean the house enough, the dishes need washed, I don’t feed him properly, I’ll probably spend all day Sunday running errands for my mother (who is eighty, a manipulative narcissist herself, has health issues, I’m an only child, I have had to step up and help her) and not be home with him, and why am I so upset, what am I starting to cry about now???
Then Sunday, Mother’s Day, he must have felt guilty because he helped me carry in groceries and was nice to me all day. Not in a love-bombing way, not over-the-top or weird, just nice. He’s been nice to me today as well. He did mention in passing that on these scheduled 12-hour shifts that the crew on the other shift always leaves extra work for him to do, and then denies it, and he knows he’s going in to a mess and a ton of extra work (he has a hard, physically demanding job), so that puts him in a bad mood. I don’t know if that was his round-about way of apologizing or what. Yes, he probably was stressed out about going in to a mess at work, and my taking the car didn’t help, and he didn’t handle the stress/anger in a healthy way (to put it mildly). We both could have communicated better about work schedules, but I was just basing my decision to work on his never-changing schedule. It was frustrating, but it wasn’t the end of the world, and it all worked out. His reaction was totally out of proportion to the event.
So is that narcissistic behavior or immature behavior? It’s like he gets mad, he blows up, he comes to himself, he apologizes/acts sorry, loves on me, treats me good, sloooowly builds up anger again, gets silent silenter silentest…blows up again and the whole thing starts over. Why is this still happening? Shouldn’t we be past this by now? It’s hard to explain, and I know some of you won’t understand (and nor should you, based on what you have been through, which is truly horrific, and I am so sorry), but it’s like he comes to himself and realizes how he is acting, but later the hurt and anger take over again. And the cyclic pattern in his life continues.
Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about whether he might be more emotionally immature than narcissistic, or more narcissistic than emotionally immature, or some combo of both, and what I could do to help him and strategies to deal with it myself. NGL, it is really taking a toll on me emotionally. I feel like I have been run through the wringer every day. Some days I cry and cry (when I’m alone, never when he is here, he gets mad when I cry because he can’t handle negative emotions and he would never acknowledge he caused the negative emotion), some days I just shut down and sleep for 12 hours. I have a couple of mental health apps on my phone that I use.
We are at a time in our marriage when I feel like we should be enjoying ourselves (our adult children have moved out and we are a little more financially stable than we were the last time we had no kids at home), but it feels like everything is just falling apart. I feel like we shouldn’t be arguing about this same stuff after thirty-plus years, but here we are, still arguing about whether I love him or not.
Thank you for reading my long and boring post. Just typing it all out helped.

Hi folks,
IDEA 1 - Demo of The Day
I've come up with an idea to both reward games that made long strides and also to help their game be seen more even if it's a tiny bit. What I'm thinking is pinning/stickying a demo to the top, and keeping it there for 24 hours. The rules I have in mind are:

• The demo has to be qualified for a Steam Fest which requires you to have a playable demo and accepted by Steam. Meaning Steam Next Fest, because Steam will actually check your demo and approve if it's at a player-ready state. We can't be the judge in this matter anyway, and leaving this decision to a universally accepted 3rd party platform seems like the best idea.
• Alternatively, if your demo wasn't at a Next Fest, but you've applied and got in, you can provide proof (both of ownership and that your demo is accepted for the Next Fest) and get your chance to appear on top.
• Alternatively, if you have a game demo that's done well at one of Steam's other fests (such as Endless Replayability going on right now), your application will be approved. There are lots of tools to track the historical performance data of demos on Steam, which would allow us to detect bad actors.
• I think each entry should only get one or two appearances a year because I'm seeing a lot of new games every week and if we allow even two entries it could turn into a mess. Plus, this would make you ensure you make the best out of this unpaid opportunity and only apply when you trust your demo full-heartedly.
• Applicants will use a similar or identical format that's seen in Indie Sunday over at games
• Title: Game Name - Company (or individual) Name - Short description (for example: "classic turn based RPG" or "platformer inspired by Metroidvanias")
• Flair: Indie Sunday
• Body: Any links to trailers/footage, a description of the game, plans for release (platform, target date, etc), any additional information you'd like to add.
• You won't get to decide which day you appear on the front because this idea should also help grow this community and gain us visibility as well. If we pick randomly or based on first come first serve, then this subreddit wouldn't gain much out of it.

Note: This is an unpaid effort, no sponsorship deals or anything similar won't ever happen here. If this gets an overwhelmingly positive reception, I'll fine-tune the details, and of course all ears for your suggestions.
IDEA 2 - Demo of The Day
This would be more similar to how IGN First functions. I was one of the core members of IGN First when it first launched. The idea back when we launched it was to dedicate a whole month to a specific game, all with exclusive never-seen-before type of content. Now, we can't do exclusive content here, because first, that would go against the idea of this sub helping you promote your indie game. If your game is a promising one, then exclusive news and content is a powerful weapon you have for media coverage. However, if you're selected we can ask for 5 pieces of content that'll be updated daily form Monday to Friday. However, if we go this route, only the best of the best demos would get a pass here.
Note: This is an unpaid effort, no sponsorship deals or anything similar won't ever happen here. If this gets an overwhelmingly positive reception, I'll fine-tune the details, and of course all ears for your suggestions.

At the beginning of May this year, the heads of the foreign policy departments of two countries - the Republic of Latvia and the United Kingdom - stated that their governments not only provided the Armed Forces of Ukraine with new batches of weapons, but also allowed using these weapons inside the internationally recognized territory of the Russian Federation. The head of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Latvia admitted, a similar permission was given by several Western states, whose governments refused to announce this.
The fact is that the question of the radius of using the Western weapons is not the military-technical one, but the political-diplomatic and even philosophical one. This is absurd to fight off external invasion exclusively on its own territory, without striking the territory of the aggressor state!
In addition, such a situation has no precedents in world history from the first attempt to create a system of effective international relations in the West on the basis of the Peace of Westphalia, concluded in 1648 after the end of the Thirty Years' War (the first pan-European war in which the union of Catholic states opposed a coalition of Protestant countries).
Given the lessons of the Second World War, which are still fresh in the memory, we can remember that the Third Reich was defeated (not won) thanks to the permanent carpet bombing of the territory of Germany by the anti-Hitler coalition, regardless of potential victims from among the civilian population. If to take such German cities as Cologne, Dresden and Hamburg, they, in general, were demonstrably wiped off the face of the earth by American and British pilots in order to impress all Germans and prevent them from defending the Nazi regime with arms in hands.
Undoubtedly, the Armed Forces of Ukraine do not have desire to repeat the mentioned scenario with modern Russian cities. In fact, Ukrainians need permission to strike inside Russian territory exclusively to protect their state and restore their territory within the borders of 1991. For this, it is necessary to neutralize military airfields, sites for launching kamikaze drones, missile launchers, arsenals with ammunition, warehouses with fuel and lubricants materials and transport and logistics hubs of the Russian army in the border areas of Russian regions. Thanks to these military bases, Russian troops ruthlessly and effectively destroy Ukrainian lands and devastate the settlements. For example, such large regional centers as Kharkiv or Sumy suffer significantly from guided aerial bombs, which are practically impossible to shoot down. However, it is possible to shoot down the aircraft which drop them 40-80 km from the front line, that is, still on the territory of Russia.
The UN General Assembly has already adopted several resolutions on the Russian Federation as an aggressor state. The free democratic world, led by the G7 member countries, condemned the occupation of part of Ukrainian lands by Russian troops and promised Kyiv to provide the necessary assistance to restore sovereignty and territorial integrity.
Anyone familiar with Aristotle's formal logic understands that the political-diplomatic assessment of Russia's war against Ukraine, which prevails at the international level, and the political-military restrictions imposed by Western states on Kyiv's use of Western weapons in this war, has many differences. Of course, this situation should be solved. The issue has become relevant and this is a good sign.

A foreword, were on a waiting list for an assessment and have been for a year. Either autism or ADHD or both. There are suitable signs like food aversion, sensory overload, hyperfocus special interests.
So, I started swimming lessons with him when he was around 2, parent and toddler classes. It was a nightmare. he'd cling, would fight the planned lessons activities and be more interested in his own thing and refuse to get his head wet. And meltdowns were common. When he turned 4 I gave, even though the tutor was nice, all his friends were moving up to the next group when the parents stay out of the water but we couldn't trust him to not run off and to her follow instructions.
I gave it a year. He's in school, aged 5 1/2 (UK) and has been for the best part of a year now. So I was kinda hoping that the normalisation of other adult authority figure would be more commonplace for him.
So I rebooked him for lessons as it's an important life skill. This is a small group lesson of 4 kids with 2 teachers. The first lesson was rocky as he's scared of water getting in his eyes but the goggles I got with the foam strap did the trick and he adjusted and ended up liking it. I THOUGHT I'd cracked it! Comfy goggles check, no emotional support mummy in the water to distract check!!
But the next 2 lessons have turned into all round frustrating failures. He. won't. Listen. He's not scared now, cool, but he won't stay put, tries to play with the other floaties, the LOUDEST child there, can't keep still when he waits to get in. He's stimming like his at a preschool rave!! Jumping, smacking his head, gibbering, giggling. He's excited, he's said so himself but then he unreachable, so wrapped up in the excitement and the stimming that both me and the teachers are calling him and to calm down but he doesn't hear (not a hearing issue, more of an in his own world issue) one of the teachers has to stay with him at all times I feel bad as it's effecting the other children's lessons.
On top of that, when the teacher tells him what to do and he does respond, he normally says "I don't know how" even when shown. That part I think it anxiety and overthinking (been there myself)
So this is more of a question to parents of neurodivigent children. HOW do you deal with these stimming lockouts?
I spoke to my husband to cancel the lessons as I don't think he's ready, it's not fair on the other kids or the teachers. My son wants to keep going, as parroted back at me it's an important life skill and my husband wants to give him one more chance, I said he can do it then as I've had enough (and I can see how that going to go, badly)
My son's behaviour, before and after was great. But the moment we passed the threshold of the pool room is was hyperactive stimming hell. My husband thinks it's sound and lighting, same as supermarkets as he can get like this there too.
Any advise would be grand to help deal with the behaviour, as for the solution for swimming I truly believe cancelling is the right thing to do but would 1 to 1 be any better? Or do I wait another year?

Hey guys!
(Disclaimer : I am NOT a health professional, these are my results that I wanted to share because I was feeling proud but also surprised and really struggled with this diet cause I tend to criticize myself a lot)
After two weeks of dieting and exercising, here are my results and they kinda shocked me!
Info : (please do not compare my results with any otheyours, all of our bodies/metabolism/lifestyle is different) Female, 178 cm Tension and blood circulation issues Lifestyle : in bed or sitting all day, regular and slow exercise
1st May Weight : 83.3 kg (183 lbs) Body fat : 31.8% Waist : 83 cm (32.8 inch) Hips : 107.5 cm (42.2) Thigh : 66 cm (26) Arm : 34 cm (13.4)
14th May (I am discussing the results at the end) Weight : 81.9 kg Body fat : 30.7% Waist : 81.5 cm (31.9) Hips : 105 cm (41.4) Thigh : 65 cm (25.6) Arm : 33.8 cm (13)
My diet consists in first trying to control my binge eating, a calorie deficit (1400-1500 kcal), working out everyday or walking enough to burn around 300 kcal (I eat the calorie i burn, for example if I burned 300 cal I try to eat 300 more cal), cut alcohol and drink enough water.
The truth is : I WAS NOT ABLE TO DO ALL THIS !!! And it's fine, cause even if I didn't I made good steps and took good decisions for myself. A tiny step forward is still a step forward.
What truly happened :

• I had difficult moments and I binged BUT once or twice, way less than before
• I did not drink 2l of water everyday (never were able too), BUT drank at least a liter which is mych more than my past one glass a day😂
• I did not exercise or walk to burn 300 everyday, sometimes I had no time or no motivation to do so, BUT I managed to do so 2-3 times a week which is much more than in the past!
• I had a drink of alcohol every weekend and that is good! I decided to cut alcohol cause I realized my consumption could have a serious impact on my weight, did not completely cut it like I wanted BUT it's way less than my usual 4-5 drinks a week and I was able to say no when people offered it to me!
• Many times I went over the calories limit I set for myself, BUT we are not machines, life happens with beautiful things like good food, birthdays, or sometimes heartbreak and food is a nice comfort🩷

Now speaking about these results : I AM SHOCKED. If you look at the numbers, I lost weight and inches everywhere. However it was not linear, sometimes I gained weight and I felt really frustrated and did not believe my bf when he was saying my body changed. (If you look at my results today yes I lost weight, but two days ago I was crying because the number on the scale was way higher) So this is a reminder : you can trust the scale, BUT the number on it is ONE value. If you binged the day before, struggled with digestions, yes the number might increase. Also, even if your weight is the same doesn't mean you didn't build muscles and lost fat. Measurments are also a good way to see if you had results! No need to measure often, I did it once after 2 weeks and I think it was just on time to see enough results to keep pushing myself!
Another reminder : I have a scale problem, I weight myself everyday which is really not the best for your mental health and the past two weeks probed it. I was crying and sweating when I was weighting myself and it showed I gained weight. Weight loss, taking care of yourself and getting healthy is not linear. I knew it but I think i truly learned my lesson now.
So if you can see yourself in this or feel less guilty with my experience I guess writing this awfully long post was worth it (I'm sorry about the length btw)😂
YOU GOT THIS. Showing up for yourself, even if it's a little, even if it's once in a while is still embracing and taking care of yourself🩷

Just a disclaimer, I have ADHD, and I do follow CPT/cognitive personality theory.

• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?

— My parents (specifically my mom), is religious, but they’re never forced any of us (me and our siblings) to believe in the religion. Just participating in the festivals and certain rituals was/still is expected, though.

• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?

—If I were to spend the entire weekend by myself, I’d honestly feel kinda lethargic and dead inside—not because of lack of socialization, but because the vibes of the house is off when there’s no one. I can tell someone’s out of the house just by the pure vibes I’m getting. It feels weird even with one person gone (we’re a family of five; me, my younger brother and sister, and mom & dad).

• What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance do you prefer a sport or outdoors event? If an outdoors event what is it? And why? If not what type of activities do you tend to engage in?

—My relationship with movement and surroundings, is that I think I have great spatial awareness. I’m able to carry and do things in certain ways in order to avoid any pointless harm (such as avoiding to accidentally hitting the door on my leg as it closes). The type of activities I do tend to engage in outside is mainly just focusing on what I’m thinking about when walking outside, or just waiting to go back home.

• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

—I’d say I’m pretty curious—I’ve always wondered why something makes me feel a certain way, for example, in lit & comp we recently learned about film composition, and after learning some of the stuff, I was able to spot it in the shows and videos I watched. After said lesson, I was always wondering about whether or not if the creators I watched (especially on YouTube) actually used said film composition, but it’s definitely interesting to look for.

• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

—I wouldn’t necessarily enjoy taking a leadership position, but I’m willing to do so, especially if a project in class is summative/part of our grade. I’d be the leader if no one else had already taken up the position. It does make me feel quite nervous when I am in said position, though.

• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?

—I’d consider myself pretty coordinated. I know exactly how much milk to pour in a certain glass, and I know exactly where on the fingerboard of my violin each note is. I can also catch myself when I’m about to fall pretty well.

• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?

—The past in my opinion, is something that can give you knowledge for the future. Basically, it gives you the info for what not to do in the future, and how to avoid X circumstance, the best way forward, etc.
—The future on the other hand, I believe is kinda something you could plan for, or have a very vague idea of, but you can’t necessarily do anything about in the present. It’ll come when it comes.
—And for the present, I believe that it’s the most “calm before the storm” scenario. Its characteristics can only be defined by the current situation that’s happening; there’s nothing you could do to mitigate it, other than continuously plan for its eventual outcome.

• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

—If they’re asking for something like asking for a charger or something (such as in school), I’ll generally decline unless they’re my friend, because it just takes so much unnecessary effort to pack up your charger. If it’s something I’m interested in helping with though, I’d gladly throw up word vomit at them, and then usually regret it later on. Basically, I’ll help someone if it’s no effort involved in my side and/or if I have a deep interest in the subject they need help on.

• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

—Productivity isn’t as important to me as much as efficiency is, but productivity does tend to make me feel good. I often find myself wondering if my attention to the efficiency is actually a result of my obvious laziness. Like, I would literally pack my tiffin box in a certain way in my lunch bag so that when I take it out of my back pack, it isn’t all leaning to one side. I’ll also always wear my jacket everywhere because they have pockets, and I’m always like, “what if it rains by chance?” And I’ve actually been saved by my jacket multiple times that way.

• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?

—I’d say I’m decent at strategizing. I could use it effectively, but I just end up not putting the plan into use, because I either don’t have the motivation, or the deadline has been so long past that it isn’t worth it anymore.

• What's important to you and why?

—Freedom of thought, and expression. Also the freedom of being able to silently judge others. Mostly because I just want to be able to have/own my thoughts and opinions, if that makes sense?

• What do the "highs" in your life look like?

—The “highs” in my life may look like when I’m able to turn in assignments on time, not feel complete demotivation, and able to live up to others expectation.

• What do the "lows" in your life look like?

—The opposite of my highs. I suppose I’m in one of my “lows” right now.

• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?

—I pay attention to the world around me, but I feel like I’m never really in the present. It’s like there’s always something going on in my mind regardless of what’s happening in the foreground.

• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?

—I’d probably end up sleeping tbh. But I’d also probably start over-analyzing my understanding of a concept or subject. For example, CPT/cognitive personality theory, or MBTI. Basically, I’d be trying to find multiple ways of understanding a subject so that I could fully understand it.

• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?

—I usually don’t take much time to make an important decision usually because the thing is important. And no, I don’t generally tend to change my mind once I’ve done so.

• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

—Yes, usually in order to avoid being out on the spot for anything. If they end up asking me their opinion, I usually try to say it in a polite manner, usually starting with, “I think X because Y,” etc. etc.

• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?

—I’d say I break rules pretty often, but they’re mainly arbitrary house-hold rules (the usuals, no phone after 10pm, no phone in the bathroom, no staying up late, etc.). I break them because in personally don’t find them logical.
—I do think authority shouldn’t be challenged as much as specific rules should be challenged. Mainly because yeah, they generally know better.

• What is the ideal life, in your opinion?

—I honestly have no idea at this point.

uhh should i do the gender and age thing lol (23n) well.. like everyone else here i’m extremely suicidal. it’s like i’m in a constant state of planning my death.. it’s been this way since the year started. i mean i’ve been suicidal for as long as i can remember but never to this extent. i’ve planned to kill myself tonight lol but i’ve planned many times before, written MANYY notes.. but then i usually just sleep it off and go about my life like “normal”. this time feels different. i feel like i’ve been falling into a black hole and am finally reaching the singularity. the point of no return. no hope. no will to live or change. well ig i’ll list my reasons for doing this. 1. i’m a stinker… sounds silly but i’m being so fr 😭 randomly in eighth grade i started to stink?? it took me awhile to realize it was ME stankin up the school w my chemical warfare.. i think it’s some form of tmau??? well whatever this condition is.. it’s made my life a fucking nightmare. halfway through 10th grade i dropped out. genuinely couldnt handle the bullying anymore and i would get panic attacks constantly… not a good time for me… well i mean its not like it ever any got better lol.
Naturally if one smells like a dumpster fire constantly no one would want to be around you.. so of course i no longer had any friends. and i probably would’ve still had some friends if i didn’t completely turn my back to the whole world. after dropping out in 2016 i wouldn’t go back into society until 2023 when i got my first job. i still stink.. my family says i don’t to my face but i hear them say i stink when they think i can’t hear em… not sure why they lie but i digress.. doctors and therapist also can’t seem smell anything. but when i’m out in public or at work i’ll hear people in passing talk abt how bad i smell… my mom is convinced i have schizophrenia LMAOOO like i KNOWWW i didn’t imagine allll those kids bullying me in middle school and high school LIKE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I FUCKING WISHHHHHHH IT WAS ALL JUST IN MY HEAD!!!!! also i should note… this condition has absolutely NOTHINGGG to do with my hygiene.. I PROMISE!!!! i always make sure i’m extremely clean and well groomed.. im sure everyone who passes me thinks im some disgusting person who doesn’t bathe or wipe properly but that’s never been the case so pls don’t tell me to “just shower”… it’s not that simple though i really wish it was.
moving along.. 2. i have really bad intrusive thoughts and a problem with starring at things i shouldn’t be looking at… so the intrusive thoughts started like a year into my self isolation.. i don’t really want to say what type but they cause immense distress.. after every intrusive thought i contemplate suicide like that’s how bad they are. as for the starring thing.. 😞 i think its also ocd related. but i stare at boobs, butts, privates, and feet.. i’m not sure how to explain this coherently.. but it’s like I KNOWW i’m NOT supposed to look but then my body just decides to look anyways. it feels like i have ZERO control over my own fucking eyes. and i promise there’s no sexual intention?? behind my stares.. but no one on the receiving end would think that. and unfortunately my eyes look at everyone including family, kids, men, women, literally everyone. AND I FUCKIBG HATE IT I WISH I WAS BLIND. my sisters think i’m some pervert and how can i live with myself knowing i’m causing them to feel unsafe and uncomfortable??? i’m not doing it on purpose. i just want to stab my fucking eyes out. this is honestly one of the main reasons for wanting to kill myself. i don’t even know when it started or fucking how?????? OR WHYY?? why do i struggle with the rarest fucking things?? like is there genuinely someone else out there who unintentionally stares at inappropriate things??? FRICK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE!!!!!!!!

1. i’ve been molested at pretty much every age and have always been “sexual” from a reallly early age ☹️ started w my cousin doing things to me i didn’t understand.. then my sisters uncle would grope me and make me kiss him. and he would like lick???? my neck??? idk there’s also this memory of someone on top of me while i sleep… yknow… doing things.. i was 13 or so and for a long time i thought the shadow hovering over me raping me was like a demon… 😭😭😭 i deadass thought i was raped by a demon LOL but recently i’ve going through my memories and yeah… that was definitely a person.. no clue who it could’ve been ☹️ i was too drowsy to do anything and i woke up in a panic and checked my underwear but didn’t see anything so ig my kid brain came to the conclusion that it was a demon.. sorry for the run on sentences 😞

4?? this isntt really a reason but after self isolating for almost 9 years i’ve completely lost the ability to properly communicate w other people. like i’m so unbelievably awkward.. it’s torture 😭 also i think i might have autism idk forming friendships with others has always been a challenge for me. honestly i really don’t talk much. like i really don’t understand the back and forth conversations. everyone makes it seem so easy. but when it comes time for me to respond or initiate my brain goes completely blank. tv static. i hope someone out there understands how painful it is to WANT to talk and engage but your brain is limited to two boring ass unengaging responses. also i never seem able to say the right thing. i always come off as mean. ugh. what’s wrong w me.
oh i just remembered something… when i was in second or first grade my FULL sized dresser and box tv pretty much the size of me both fell on me.. tv hit the back of my head and by the will of god or something i managed to crawl out from underneath them.. now i went to hospital and had an x-ray done and it showed nothing but what ifffffff i had some sort of concussion that’s caused me to be this way????? i’m just talkin out my ass. but seriously why am i this way??? was i born this strange?? sigh.
i so desperately want to live a normal life. have friends. not stink. not stare unintentionally. but fuck i just don’t think that will ever be my reality. i’ve been stuck in this same cycle for 9 years. i’ve wasted NINE fucking years of my life. sometimes it feels like my brain never finished developing past the age of 13.. i’m already 23 and i’ve done absolutely nothing. no accomplishments no goals no dreams. it feels like im permanently stuck. so it often feels like death is the only way to escape my reality. im so lonely. but i don’t know how to be a friend. im lost. i want to go to college but like I STINK??? so i’ll just get bullied and outcasted again. y’all im stumped. i see no way out aside from death. but at the same time i’m scared there’s nothing after dying. so i live my whole life wasting away and finally decide to do something and kill myself but all that greets me after i’m dead is nothing. it all seems so bleak.
what if i’m just a bad egg?
i’ll be rlly surprised if anyone has read this far 💀 sorry any grammatical errors hehe i never graduated 🤓 this life fucking sucks so maybe in my next life i can be born as a cutieful pampered house cat… for now i think i’m just gonna go to sleep and let the cycle repeat. maybe one day i’ll find my way out of this hell. through death or something else. who knows. good night…

I'm (20F), it's been around 7months dating my bf (22M), when we met we honestly were not expecting anything long term from anyone ,but then feelings developed and atp we have fun have the best discussions joke, hang out with each other's friends and our parents invite each other over, all in all, knock on wood everything is going perfect. He's the sweetest, most understanding and communicative partner; we have discussed this topic multiple times but honestly I just need reassurance from people who have been successful in getting through it.
We are in our last year of college, graduating in 1-2 months and chances are we'll move away for jobs by November this year. We both don't want to jinx it and we've decided to work and save up money, then after that see where we go and what we do ,etc. maybe in the same place together too if life works out. But point is this is a pretty serious long term relationship, and we might have to go LDR for a year (or even more if life gets in the way.)
I'm awfully scared,the last time I tried LDR I was stuck w this narcissistic selfish guy who never listened to any of my concerns and regularly yelled at , insulted me and even cheated and blamed it on me. That one had gone LDR by the 4 month mark and ended by the 9 month mark, so maybe yes I never knew the person well enough and it bit me in the ass.
Of course now I feel much more comforted, heard and appreciated by my boyfriend , and I can confidently say this that I thankfully don't imagine him using me like the previous guy. But god I am so scared I will fuck this up.
Being in a healthy relationship for the first time where I'm not seen as a whore or a punching bag, but a bestfriend and life partner it's amazing and terrifying I'm so scared I'll fuck up the LDR somehow. I am very scared of losing him to the distance too, I keep taking examples of my mother and aunt who had to live away from their husbands for 1-2 years at a stretch as a way to calm me down and reassure things will be alright.
Thankfully I can say this confidently that we both have similar mutual life goals and we both treat each other with proper respect , support and actually want this to work out properly long term , we discuss these fears and plans sometimes but not too much bc we're both scared, upset and afraid it'll get jinxed.
Now that graduation is so close the thought of it is getting scarier. So honestly I KNOW if we try we can make the LDR pass together, we'll communicate honestly and spend as much time and effort as possible, since our hometowns are the same we always have that comfort too .
So I just need people who are making their LDR work or went through it successfully, to assure me it's going to be fine and not every LDR has to be painful like my last experience, I truly believe a good partner makes every experience go by even better, and I pray that's the case with him 🧿🧿
tld Graduating college soon, about to go LDR with boyfriend for a year or so while we work and decide what to do next. Scared due to my past experiences with narcissistic ppl. Relationship going good and steady, however i need confidence and reassurance from people who have made LDR successfully work with their partners.

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References:
“The Importance of Meal Planning for a Healthy Diet” – Healthline
“The Benefits of Personalized Meal Plans” – Eat This, Not That!
“How to Create a Personalized Meal Plan” – MyFitnessPal
“The Role of Health Coaches in Nutrition Education” – American Nutrition Association
“Understanding Macronutrients: Carbohydrates, Proteins, and Fats” – Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health
“Choosing Healthy Fats” – Mayo Clinic
“The Science Behind Meal Planning” – PubMed
“Meal Planning Apps and Websites” – Verywell Fit
“Understanding Nutrition Labels” – U.S. Food and Drug Administration
“The Role of Nutrition in Weight Management” – Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
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