• Species: Canine (dog) • Age: 4 y.o. • Sex/Neuter status: neutered • Breed: Labrador retrieveChesapeake Bay retriever • Body weight: 80 lbs • History: healthy- no major issues • Clinical signs: uveal mass w/cystic component • Duration: first noticed March 25th, 2024 • Your general location: Colorado, USA
On March 25th I noticed a red “bubble” in my dog’s eye (inside the eyeball). I monitored for a few days and there was no change; he wasn’t showing any signs of pain/discomfort but it didn’t go away. I made a vet appointment on 3/29/24 with our primary vet. The primary vet initially thought it was a hematoma from potentially hitting his head or playing too rough. He ran a glaucoma test, ulcer test, checked for abrasions, and did blood work (all came back normal). He prescribed dexamethasone sodium phosphate eyedrops to administer 3x per day for 1 week. We followed up with our primary vet on 4/5/24, there was no change after using the drops for 1 week. At this point he referred us to an animal ophthalmologist. We scheduled the appointment for 4/26/24 (that was the earliest option they had).
On 4/20/24 he showed signs of pain/discomfort so we decided to bring him into the emergency vet. They redid the glaucoma test, ulcer test, and checked for abrasions (all normal). They virtually consulted with an ophthalmologist (sending photos and test results). This ophthalmologist diagnosed it as a uveal mass and recommended enucleation. They sent him home with carprofen 100mg 1x/day, gabapentin 200mg 2x/day, and neo/poly/dex ophthalmic solution 2x/day.
On Monday 4/22/24 we called the ophthalmologist office we had our original appointment scheduled with for 4/26/24. We asked to be seen earlier for a second opinion on the uveal mass diagnosis from the emergency vet. They got us in on 4/22; in which they repeated the tonometry test, fluorescein stain, and also did a schirmer tear test. All were negative/normal. The ophthalmologist did an exam of his eye with different scopes and agreed with the diagnosis of uveal mass; however he said there’s a cystic component as well. Below are the results of all the diagnostic tests they ran:
Schirmer Tear Test - Initial: 27 mm/30s 22 mm/30s Fluorescen Stain - Initial: Negative Negative Tono Vet Rebound Tonometry-Initial: 3 mmHg 12 mmHg Menace Response: Good Good Dazzle Reflex: Good Good Pupillary Light Reflex (PLR): Normal Normal Biomicroscopy: Abnormal Normal Binocular Indirect Ophth.: NSF Normal
He recommended enucleation with biopsy of the mass. He said the mass wouldn’t be surgically resectable which is why the full removal is necessary.
We have scheduled his surgery for the end of this week. I’m mostly just feeling guilty and nervous that he’s so young. I am happy we got the second opinion and I trust the vet teams; I just want to be sure that this is the right course of treatment for my boy.
Thank you all!

Hi. I am always the last to find things out. Therefore I am scouring the internet for an extra ticket (or two) anyone has to go see K Hanna on her book tour in Philadelphia may 29th. I don't think it matters but I have been a fan since 94 and will be super bummed if I can't find a ticket. I am obviously willing to pay. So if anyone has one or if anyone sees a site that is selling some (like seatgeek etc) b/c as of now they are not, please message me and lmk. I wi be forever in your debt. I can even give you a riot grrrl thank you package with a bunch of old school zines or, depending on what type of media you have access to, lend/give you CDs or tapes or vinyl (mixes etc).
I REALLY want to go to this event. Now, to work my nonexistent contacts... hmmm yeh no.

In the ’80s, the spy agency investigated the "Gateway Experience" technique to alter consciousness and ultimately escape spacetime.
The intrigue revolves around a classified 1983 CIA report on a technique called the Gateway Experience, which is a training system designed to focus brainwave output to alter consciousness and ultimately escape the restrictions of time and space.
The CIA was interested in all sorts of psychic research at the time, including the theory of applications of remote viewing, which is when someone views real events with only the power of their mind. The documents have since been declassified and are available to view.
This is a comprehensive excavation of The Gateway Process report. The first section provides a timeline of the key historical developments that led to the CIA’s investigation and subsequent experimentations. The second section is a review of The Gateway Process report. It opens with a wall of theoretical context, on the other side of which lies enough understanding to begin to grasp the principles underlying the Gateway Experience training. The last section outlines the Gateway technique itself and the steps that go into achieving spacetime transcendence.
Let’s go.
THE TIMELINE
• 1950s - Robert Monroe, a radio broadcasting executive, begins producing evidence that specific sound patterns have identifiable effects on human capabilities. These include alertness, sleepiness, and expanded states of consciousness.
• 1956 - Monroe forms an R&D division inside his radio program production corporation RAM Enterprises. The goal is to study sound’s effect on human consciousness. He was obsessed with “Sleep-Learning," or hypnopedia, which exposes sleepers to sound recordings to boost memory of previously learned information.
• 1958 - While experimenting with Sleep-Learning, Monroe discovers an unusual phenomenon. He describes it as sensations of paralysis and vibration accompanied by bright light. It allegedly happens nine times over the proceeding six weeks, and culminates in an out-of-body experience (OBE).
• 1962 - RAM Enterprises moves to Virginia, and renames itself Monroe Industries. It becomes active in radio station ownership, cable television, and later in the production and sale of audio cassettes. These cassettes contain applied learnings from the corporate research program, which is renamed The Monroe Institute.
• 1971 - Monroe publishes Journeys Out of the Body, a book that is credited with popularizing the term “out-of-body experience.”
• 1972 - A classified report circulates in the U.S. military and intelligence communities. It claims that the Soviet Union is pouring money into research involving ESP and psychokinesis for espionage purposes.
• 1975 - Monroe registers the first of several patents concerning audio techniques designed to stimulate brain functions until the left and right hemispheres become synchronized. Monroe dubs the state "Hemi-Sync" (hemispheric synchronization), and claims it could be used to promote mental well-being or to trigger an altered state of consciousness.
• 1978 to 1984 - Army veteran Joseph McMoneagle contributes to 450 remote viewing missions under Project Stargate. He is known as “Remote View No. 1”.
• June 9th, 1983 - The CIA report "Analysis and Assessment of The Gateway Process" is produced. It provides a scientific framework for understanding and expanding human consciousness, out-of-body experiments, and other altered states of mind.
• 1989 - Remote viewer Angela Dellafiora Ford helps track down a former customs agent who has gone on the run. She pinpoints his location as “Lowell, Wyoming”. U.S. Customs apprehend him 100 miles west of a Wyoming town called Lovell.
• 2003 - The CIA approves declassification of the Gateway Process report.
• 2017 - The CIA declassifies 12 million pages of records revealing previously unknown details about the program, which would eventually become known as Project Stargate.
THE REPORT
Personnel
The author of The Gateway Process report is Lieutenant Colonel Wayne M. McDonnell, hereon referred to simply as Wayne. There isn’t a tremendous amount of information available on the man, nor any photographs. In 1983, Wayne was tasked by the Commander of the U.S. Army Operational Group with figuring out how The Gateway Experience, astral projection and out-of-body experiences work. Wayne partnered with a bunch of different folks to produce the report, most notably Itzhak Bentov, a very Googleable American-Israeli scientist who helped pioneer the biomedical engineering industry.
A scientific approach
From the outset of the report, Wayne states his intent to employ an objective scientific method in order to understand the Gateway process. The various scientific avenues he takes include:
• A biomedical inquiry to understand the physical aspects of the process.
• Information on quantum mechanics to describe the nature and functioning of human consciousness.
• Theoretical physics to explain the time-space dimension and means by which expanded human consciousness transcends it.
• Classical physics to bring the whole phenomenon of out-of-body states into the language of physical science (and remove the stigma of an occult connotation).
Methodological frames of reference
Before diving into the Gateway Experience, Wayne develops a frame of reference by dissecting three discrete consciousness-altering methodologies. He’s basically saying, there’s no way you’re going to get through The Gateway without a solid grounding in the brain-altering techniques that came before it.
1) He begins with hypnosis. The language is extremely dense, but the basic gist is as follows: the left side of the brain screens incoming stimuli, categorizing, assessing and assigning meaning to everything through self-cognitive, verbal, and linear reasoning. The left hemisphere then dishes the carefully prepared data to the non-critical, holistic, pattern-oriented right hemisphere, which accepts everything without question. Hypnosis works by putting the left side to sleep, or at least distracting it long enough to allow incoming data direct, unchallenged entry to the right hemisphere. There, stimuli can reach the sensor and motor cortices of the right brain, which corresponds to points in the body. Suggestions then can send electrical signals from the brain to certain parts of the body. Directing these signals appropriately, according to the report, can elicit reactions ranging from left leg numbness to feelings of happiness. Same goes for increased powers of concentration.
2) Wayne continues with a snapshot of transcendental meditation. He distinguishes it from hypnotism. Through concentration the subject draws energy up the spinal cord, resulting in acoustical waves that run through the cerebral ventricles, to the right hemisphere, where they stimulate the cerebral cortex, run along the homunculus and then to the body. The waves are the altered rhythm of heart sounds, which create sympathetic vibrations in the walls of the fluid-filled cavities of the brain’s ventricles. He observed that the symptoms begin in the left side of the body, confirming the right brain’s complicity. Bentov also states that the same effect might be achieved by prolonged exposure to 4 - 7 Hertz/second acoustical vibrations. He suggests standing by an air conditioning duct might also do the trick. (David’s Lynch and other celebrities are committed adherents to transcendental meditation today.)
3) Biofeedback, on the other hand, uses the left hemisphere to gain access to the right brain’s lower cerebral, motor, and sensory cortices. Whereas hypnosis suppresses one side of the brain, and TM bypasses that side altogether, biofeedback teaches the left hemisphere to visualize the desired result, recognize the feelings associated with right hemisphere access, and ultimately achieve the result again. With repetition, the left brain can reliably key into the right brain, and strengthen the pathways so that it can be accessed during a conscious demand mode. A digital thermometer is subsequently placed on a target part of the body. When its temperature increases, objective affirmation is recognized and the state is reinforced. Achieving biofeedback can block pain, enhance feeling, and even suppress tumors, according to the report.
The Gateway mechanics
With that, Wayne takes a first stab at the Gateway process. He classifies it as a “training system designed to bring enhanced strength, focus and coherence to the amplitude and frequency of brainwave output between the left and right hemispheres so as to alter consciousness.”
What distinguishes the Gateway process from hypnosis, TM, and biofeedback, is that it requires achieving a state of consciousness in which the electrical brain patterns of both hemispheres are equal in amplitude and frequency. This is called Hemi-Sync. Lamentably, and perhaps conveniently, we cannot as humans achieve this state on our own. The audio techniques developed by Bob Monroe and his Institute (which are comprised as a series of tapes). claim to induce and sustain Hemi-Sync.
Wayne employs the analogy of a lamp versus a laser. Left to its own devices the human mind expends energy like a lamp, in a chaotic and incoherent way, achieving lots of diffusion but relatively little depth. Under Hemi-Sync though, the mind produces a “disciplined stream of light.” So, once the frequency and amplitude of the brain are rendered coherent it can then synchronize with the rarified energy levels of the universe. With this connection intact, the brain begins to receive symbols and display astonishing flashes of holistic intuition.
The Hemi-Sync technique takes advantage of a Frequency Following Response (FFR). It works like this: an external frequency emulating a recognized one will cause the brain to mimic it. So if a subject hears a frequency at the Theta level, it will shift from its resting Beta level. To achieve these unnatural levels, Hemi-Sync puts a single frequency in the left ear and a contrasting frequency in the right. The brain then experiences the Delta frequency, also known as the beat frequency. It’s more familiarly referred to these days as binaural beats. With the FFR and beat frequency phenomena firmly in place, The Gateway Process introduces a series of frequencies at marginally audible, subliminal levels. With the left brain relaxed and the body in a virtual sleep state, the conditions are ideal to promote brainwave outputs of higher and higher amplitude and frequency. Alongside subliminal suggestions from Bob Monroe (naturally), the subject can then alter their consciousness.
The Gateway system only works when the audio, which is introduced through headphones, is accompanied by a physical quietude comparable to other forms of meditation. This increases the subject’s internal resonance to the body’s sound frequencies, for example the heart. This eliminates the “bifurcation echo”, in which the heartbeat moves up and down the body seven times a second. By placing the body in a sleep-like state, The Gateway CD’s, like meditation, lessen the force and frequency of the heartbeat pushing blood into the aorta. The result is a rhythmic sine wave that in turn amplifies the sound volume of the heart three times. This then amplifies the frequency of brainwave output. The film surrounding the brain—the dura—and fluid between that film and the skull, eventually begin to move up and down, by .0005 and .010 millimeters.
The body, based on its own micro-motions, then functions as a tuned vibrational system. The report claims that the entire body eventually transfers energy at between 6.8 and 7.5 Hertz, which matches Earth’s own energy (7 - 7.5 Hertz). The resulting wavelengths are long, about 40,000 kilometers, which also happens to be the perimeter of the planet. According to Bentov, the signal can move around the world’s electrostatic field in 1/7th of a second.
To recap, the Gateway Process goes like this:
• Induced state of calm
• Blood pressure lowers
• Circulatory system, skeleton and other organ systems begin to vibrate at 7 - 7.5 cycles per second
• Increased resonance is achieved
• The resulting sound waves matches the electrostatic field of the earth
• The body and earth and other similarly tuned minds become a single energy continuum.
We’ve gotten slightly ahead of ourselves here though. Back to the drawing board.
A psycho-quantum level deeper
Wayne then turns to the very nature of matter and energy. More materially (or less if you will), solid matter in the strict construction of the term, he explains, doesn’t exist. The atomic structure is composed of oscillating energy grids surrounded by other oscillating energy grids at tremendous speeds. These oscillation rates vary—the nucleus of an atom vibrates at 10 to the power of 22, a molecule vibrates at 10 to the power of 9, a human cell vibrates at 10 to the power of 3. The point is that the entire universe is one complex system of energy fields. States of matter in this conception then are merely variations in the state of energy.
The result of all these moving energies, bouncing off of energy at rest, projects a 3D mode, a pattern, called a hologram, A.K.A our reality as we experience it. It's best to think of it as a 3D photograph. There’s a whole rabbit hole to go down here. Suffice it to say, the hologram that is our experience is incredibly good at depicting and recording all the various energies bouncing around creating matter. So good, in fact, that we buy into it hook, line, and sinker, going so far as to call it our "life."
Consciousness then can be envisaged as a 3D grid system superimposed over all energy patterns, Wayne writes. Using mathematics, each plane of the grid system can then reduce the data to a 2D form. Our binary (go/no go) minds can then process the data and compare it to other historical data saved in our memory. Our reality is then formed by comparisons. The right hemisphere of the brain acts as the primary matrix or receptor for this holographic input. The left hemisphere then compares it to other data, reducing it to its 2D form.
In keeping with our species' commitment to exceptionalism, as far as we know humans are uniquely capable of achieving this level of consciousness. Simply, humans not only know, but we know that we know. This bestows upon us the ability to duplicate aspects of our own hologram, project them out, perceive that projection, run it through a comparison with our own memory of the hologram, measure the differences using 3D geometry, then run it through our binary system to yield verbal cognition of the self.
The click-out phase
Wayne then shows his cards as a true punisher, issuing, "Up to this point our discussion of the Gateway process has been relatively simple and easy to follow. Now the fun begins." Shots fired, Wayne. What he's preparing the commander reading this heady report for is the reveal—how we can use the Gateway to transcend the dimension of spacetime.
Time is a measurement of energy or force in motion; it is a measurement of change. This is really important. For energy to be classified as in motion, it must be confined within a vibratory pattern that can contain its motion, keeping it still. Energy not contained like this is boundary-less, and moves without limit or dimension, to infinity. This disqualifies boundary-less energy from the dimension of time because it has no rate of change. Energy in infinity, also called "the absolute state," is completely at rest because nothing is accelerating or decelerating it—again, no change. It therefore does not contribute to our hologram, our physical experience. We cannot perceive it.
Now back to frequencies. Wave oscillation occurs because a wave is bouncing between two rigid points of rest. It's like a game of electromagnetic hot potato (the potato being the wave and the participants' hands being the boundaries of the wave). Without these limits, there would be no oscillation. When a wave hits one of those points of rest, just for a very brief instant, it "clicks out" of spacetime and joins infinity. For this to occur, the speed of the oscillation has to drop below 10 the power of -33 centimeters per second. For a moment, the wave enters into a new world. The potato simply disappears into a dimension we cannot perceive.
Theoretically speaking, if the human consciousness wave pattern reaches a high enough frequency, the “click-outs” can reach continuity. Put another way, if the frequency of human consciousness can dip below 10 to the power of 33 centimeters per second but above a state of total rest, it can transcend spacetime. The Gateway experience and associated Hemi-Sync technique is designed for humans to achieve this state and establish a coherent pattern of perception in the newly realized dimensions.
Passport to the hologram
In theory, we can achieve the above at any time. The entire process though is helped along if we can separate the consciousness from our body. It’s like an existential running head start where the click-out of a consciousness already separated from its body starts much closer to, and has more time to dialogue with, other dimensions.
This is where things get a little slippery; hold on as best you can. The universe is in on the whole hologram thing, too, Wayne writes. This super hologram is called a "torus" because it takes the shape of a fuck-off massive self-contained spiral. Like this:
Give yourself a moment to let the above motion sink in...
This pattern of the universe conspicuously mirrors the patterns of electrons around the nucleus of an atom. Galaxies north of our own are moving away from us faster than the galaxies to the south; galaxies to the east and west of us are more distant. The energy that produced the matter that makes up the universe we presently enjoy, will turn back in on itself eventually. Its trajectory is ovoid, also known as the cosmic egg. As it curls back on itself it enters a black hole, goes through a densely packed energy nucleus then gets spat out the other side of a white hole and begins the process again. Springtime in the cosmos, baby!
And that is the context in which the Gateway Experience sits.
[Deep breaths.]
THE TECHNIQUE
The following is an outline of the key steps to reach focus levels necessary to defy the spacetime dimension. This is an involved and lengthy process best attempted in controlled settings. If you’re in a rush, you can apparently listen to enough Monroe Institute Gateway Tapes in 7 days to get there.
The Energy Conversion Box: The Gateway Process begins by teaching the subject to isolate any extraneous concerns using a visualization process called “the energy conversion box.”
Resonant Humming: The individual is introduced to resonant humming. Through the utterance of a protracted single tone, alongside a chorus on the tapes, the mind and body achieve a state of resonance.
The Gateway Affirmation: The participant is exposed to something close to a mantra called The Gateway Affirmation. They must repeat to themselves variations of, “I am merely a physical body and deeply desire to expand my consciousness.”
Hemi-Sync: The individual is finally exposed to the Hemi-Sync sound frequencies, and encouraged to develop a relationship with the feelings that emerge.
Additional Noise: Physical relaxation techniques are practiced while the Hemi-Sync frequencies are expanded to include “pink and white” noise. This puts the body in a state of virtual sleep, while calming the left hemisphere and raising the attentiveness of the right hemisphere.
The Energy Balloon: The individual is then encouraged to visualize the creation of an “energy balloon” beginning at the top of the head, extending down in all directions to the feet then back up again. There are a few reasons for this, the main one being that this balloon will provide protection against conscious entities possessing lower energy levels that he or she may encounter when in the out-of-body state.
Focus 12: The practitioner can consistently achieve sufficient expanded awareness to begin interacting with dimensions beyond their physical reality. To achieve this state requires conscious efforts and more “pink and white noise” from the sound stream.
Tools: Once Focus 12 is achieved, the subject can then employ a series of tools to obtain feedback from alternate dimensions.
Problem Solving: The individual identifies fundamental problems, fills their expanded awareness with them, and then projects them out into the universe. These can include personal difficulties, as well as technical or practical problems.
Patterning: Consciousness is used to achieve desired objectives in the physical, emotional, or intellectual sphere.
Color Breathing: A healing technique that revitalizes the body’s energy flows by imagining colors in a particularly vivid manner.
Energy Bar Tool: This technique involves imagining a small intensely pulsating dot of light that the participant charges up. He or she then uses the sparkling, vibrating cylinder of energy (formerly known as the dot) to channel forces from the universe to heal and revitalize the body.
Remote Viewing: A follow-on technique of the Energy Bar Tool where the dot is turned into a whirling vortex through which the individual sends their imagination in search of illuminating insights.
Living Body Map: A more organized use of the energy bar in which streams of different colors flow from the dot on to correspondingly-colored bodily systems.
Seven days of training have now occurred. Approximately 5 percent of participants get to this next level, according to the report.
Focus 15 - Travel Into the Past: Additional sound on the Hemi-Sync tapes includes more of the same, plus some subliminal suggestions to further expand the consciousness. The instructions are highly symbolic: time is a huge wheel, in which different spokes give access to the participant’s past.
Focus 21 - The Future: This is the last and most advanced state. Like Focus 15, this is a movement out of spacetime into the future.
Out-of-Body Movement: Only one tape of the many is devoted to out-of-body movement. This tape is devoted to facilitating an out-of-body state when the participant’s brain wave patterns and energy levels reach harmony with the surrounding electromagnetic environment. According to Bob Monroe, the participant has to be exposed to Beta signals of around 2877.3 cycles per second.
CONCLUSIONS
Wayne expresses concern about the fidelity of information brought back from out-of-body states using the Gateway technique. Practical applications are of particular concern because of the potential for “information distortion.”
The Monroe Institute also ran into a bunch of issues in which they had individuals travel from the West to the East Coast of the U.S. to read a series of numbers off of a computer screen. They never got them exactly right. Wayne chalks this up to the trouble of differentiating between physical entities and extra-time-space dimensions when in the out-of-body state.
Wayne swings back to support mode though, lending credence to the physics foundation of the report. He cites multiple belief systems that have established identical findings. These include the Tibetan Shoug, the Hindu heaven of Indra, the Hebrew mystical philosophy, and the Christian concept of the Trinity. Here he seems more interested in hammering home the theoretical underpinnings that make The Gateway Experience possible, rather than the practical possibilities promised by The Gateway Tapes.
Possibly with his CIA top brass audience in mind, Wayne then gives an A-type nod to The Gateway Experience for providing a faster, more efficient, less subservient, energy-saving route to expanded consciousness. This finishes with a series of recommendations to the CIA for how to exploit Gateway’s potential for national defense purposes.
The missing page
One curious feature of The Gateway Report is that it seems to be missing page 25. It’s a real cliffhanger too. The bottom of page 24 reads “And, the eternal thought or concept of self which results from this self-consciousness serves the,” The report picks back up on page 26 and 3 sections later as if Wayne hadn’t just revealed the very secret of existence.
The gap has not gone unnoticed. There's a Change.org petition requesting its release. Multiple Freedom of Information Act requests have demanded the same. In all cases, the CIA has said they never had the page to begin with. Here’s a 2019 response from Mark Lilly, the CIA’s Information and Privacy Coordinator, to one Bailey Stoner regarding these records:
One theory goes that that rascal Wayne M.-fricking-McDonnell left the page out on purpose. The theory contends that it was a litmus test—if anyone truly defies time-space dimensions, they’ll certainly be able to locate page 25.
[Cosmic shrug.]
Writing Credit Vice
​
CIA** Decladified Report **– The Gateway Experience
Here is a copy of the Missing Page 25
There will be a Gateway Help Post following within the next couple days. Thought you might be interested in a little history in the meantime. Cheers!

I'm Jay. 33 from the USA. I'm 6 foot 5, and in fantastic shape. I love to hike and explore new places, I recently went skydiving for the first time and it was an eye opening experience. I love video games as well, but they are not super important to me. I'm looking for a good woman to compliment my life, I am a bit picky. I'm not interesting in fixing anyone, or anyone with severe mental illnesses. I work at a Mercedes-Benz dealership, and am financially stable.
I love to read, and listen to audio books. My favorite author is Sanderson. Love to eat, I'm a carnivore and mainly consume meat so if you're vegan, don't even respond. I'll attach a picture of myself to this post, please send me one of you when you message me, thanks.
https://ibb.co/VHbdrhk

I folded like a fucking lawn chair maaaaan. I was supposed to grab my things and leave.

These past few weeks of crying, anxiety, depression over her leaving me? Out the window the second she came in behind me with her goofy ass laugh.
I was fully prepared to be furious. I was mentally expecting this girl to feel like a stranger and that I didn't recognize her.
But we got to talking and hanging out again like normal. Like nothing changed.
It was a double whammy since we were catching up on her trips she took after the split and how we've been doing. She went to the beach and posted an amazing picture. She was fucking glowing I swear (or maybe I'm a big ass simp whatever)
But then I see her and she's peeling like a motherfuck from all the sun and had the most wicked tan lines I've seen on her from her interesting swimsuit choice.
I couldn't help but roast her... (well, the sun did a good job enough for that for me.)
Even with her flaky ass self I still found her as a-peeling as ever (sorry, no more bad puns lmfao)
She was telling me about music she discovered and rediscovered when she was taking her trip to a music fest that she loved and was singing me a bunch of her fave songs.
And it SUCKED, because it reminded me of the first night when we started dating she did this and that was when I realized I was falling for her back then.
It was a very long and emotional night. Lots of feelings discussed. Tears shed. Laughs had. Other.... things happened just like old times. Felt like we went from months of no passion to reversing and being super into each other again.
(Admittedly maybe stupidly) it was so late I just ended up staying over since I worked remote in the AM.
And fuck, I haven't slept that peacefully in weeks.
The cuddles with her hit even harder than they used to. Usually she wouldn't snuggle up next to me like that... but she did and I held on to her for dear life because it was depressing to think I would leave and lose her again in the morning.
But then in the AM, she said something I wasn't expecting again... "would you wanna just stay over and work here today?"
No shit I would love that? And I did.
Not much work was done yesterday... but I did spend a pretty good day with her.
It was just like I imagined it before she reached the breaking point for the split.
The weather was amazing. We checked out a new neighborhood in town. Went to this new deli to try out. I bought her food because I could afford to treat her now that I have disposable income again.
She held my hand and had her arm around me as we walked down the street and it was just as comforting as it's been all this time walking the streets with her.
I remembered what I told myself on the way there the night before and made sure to be present in all the moments vs old times of just being there as a body but really there? I didn't know how it would go, but it was gonna be pivotal to how I handle it going forward.
We took the fattest nap when we got back as it started raining.
Honestly was a perfect day, outside of work.

Dream come true, yeah? Yeah it fucking was.

But, dreams come to an end... I guess.
We both were desperately hoping time wouldn't end yesterday. Everything was so nice and good... like it could and should have been always. A perfect distraction from our shit situation.
But, I am unfortunately not naive enough to think this fixed every problem.
I want her back... really and truly. But, I also told her that I wouldn't want her back unless I fully commit to improving myself for me.
Wouldn't even deserve her if I didn't grow and work on deficiencies I have. Also would want her to work on herself too. Everyone has room to grow.
Today has been SUPER tough. But not in that depressing, fighting tears at work kinda way.
It's been in that kinda "Damn I want her to text me come over, let's get tacos at the place next door for Taco Tuesday" kinda way.
I, of course, went back to not texting her. I know all that yesterday probably has her head spinning. It would be super rude of me to assume all is well and take her space away.
I guess I can only hope today she's been kind to herself. She's got a big project to finish and it's coming along great from what she showed me!
I also actually really hope she starts giving a hobby a try. She's been trying to find herself and find stuff she likes.
I really think she should pick up photography.
(Am I biased because I got her a camera for her birthday last year? Mayhaps.)
But she always takes interesting pictures casually. I don't think she realizes how good of an eye she has for getting pictures of things in the day-to-day. Would love to see her hone her craft. What I would give to be able to compliment some cool shots she took around the city while she has her alone time.
Oh well. But, at least today I will go home after work and be thankful for an amazing day yesterday.
No matter what happens either way, I'll always cherish any moment and memories I have with that special girl.

Also damn wait... I never even grabbed my stuff from her place ahhh wtf! Another time I guess.

(Thanks for reading my rant if you actually did. Can't wait to look back on this in some years. Gonna order that journal now.)

Wife comes from an abusive home. Her mom died when she was 11, her dad got remarried and her stepmom is kinda abusive. Her dad was always nice but Stepmom created a toxic environment and her dad slowly turned against even resorting to beating her and she couldn't take it anymore and started resenting her dad as well. We are both together since we were 15 or 16. Her dad never liked me because he wanted her to marry someone like his wife's sisters son. We are Middle Eastern and this is more or less accepted. Anyway she ran away from home at 21 when they refused our marriage and started living with me.
Now we recently moved to London and I'm currently employed here on a work visa.I plan on settling here. My wife is 8 months pregnant God Bless. I have a stable job. We are happy. But right about after a week we found out about her being pregnant my mom called me saying my wife's dad and stepmom, came to her house begging her to let him see his daughter. Now I have no idea where he got my mom's address from but my mom had to call the police to and get him restrained. After that there was no contact for 3 or 4 months or so. But then one day out of the blue I get a call from a foreign number and it's her stepmom. Now I had no intention of talking to her at all but she told me she regrets if she wronged my wife in any way, and told me her dad is extremely sick, and had a stroke a few days ago. He is currently bedridden and his last wish is to see his daughter for the last time. When he found out my wife was pregnant, I have no idea how he found out , he felt extreme guilt and he actually knew my parents address all this time but never contacted them. I guess he must have thought good riddance but now he feels guilt? But the way he said it was so sincere and I felt extremely bad. I tried to settle the thing by sending him pictures of us and more or less trying to end this matter. Now he told me that if I didn't let him talk to my wife it would be a bad omen or a curse on him. He wants to apologise and make it up to his daughter before he dies.
My wife has very strictly told me to never even mention her father's name again. Even mentioning the idea of reconciliation makes her cry and the memories and flashbacks send her into a conversation that ends with her crying and having a mental breakdown. What's even more worse is she's in her third trimester and her stepmom called me 11 times last night but I didn't pick up. I really don't want to tell my wife about her dad because I fear shes going to have another mental breakdown. This pregnancy has already been pretty rough and I don't have any idea how she's gonna react to knowing her dad is sick. I want to tell her because I don't want to be responsible when if he passes away and I'll live with the guilt for the rest of my life that I maybe could have given him some peace. But on the other hand my wife's attitude towards her dad and stepmom is that they don't exist and they never existed. She has told me stories when her stepmom used to turn off the ceiling fan in her room even when it was hot to save electricity, or when she would force her to eat nothing but rice with water. And when she complained to her dad he never listened, but when her stepmom told him lies about his daughter, he believed them and even went as far as to beat her up with a stick.
There's a part of me that just wants to say fuck you I don't care what you say. And there's a part of me that feels bad for an old father who regrets treating his daughter like that. There's also a part of me that thinks why now did he have to contact us when he could have probably done it in the last 4 years or so.
I'm currently contemplating what I should do. Should I tell my wife or should I at least wait until the baby's here and then slowly break down the news? Thing is I'm not entirely sure if her dad is gonna actually gonna be there when I eventually tell her, if I do at all. My wife can tell something has been bothering me and she thinks it's work but I'm just completely trying to ignore my thoughts but she's already asked me whats wrong and honestly I haven't told her anything but as I'm typing this my heart is racing and the stress of the situation is killing me.
My biggest fear is if I tell her I'm gonna affect the pregnancy. Like my baby's gonna be harmed. But still I'm feeling like a terrible person keeping this from her.

Hello everyone. I was recently contracted to write the Deep Dungeon guides for IcyVeins, I have been steadily working on Eureka Orthos for the past week. However, with today's reveal of the Ultimog Challenge being the completion of floor 100 of Palace of the Dead, I decided to put EO on hold and smash out the floorguides for PotD 1-100 ASAP for those who might want them!
As of right now, the Deep Dungeon section of the website contains a page containing information relevant to all three Deep Dungeons, a page specific to each DD (Palace of the Dead, Heaven on High, and Eureka Orthos), floor guides for 1-80 for Eureka Orthos and, as of an half an hour ago, floor guides for 1-50 for Palace of the Dead.
I am currently in the process of working through 51-100 as I write this, and it will be up on the site within 24 hours! If anyone is looking to get into deep dungeons as a result of this Ultimog Challenge, in the same way that many got into Ocean Fishing (and from there, Big Fishing) during the previous Mogtome event, this is a great time to do it, and I hope to build a resource worthy of the community.
Feel free to give feedback on the guides, or ask any questions you may have!

Hey all, I'm new to this sub but I've been ex-muslim for a number of years. I feel I've outgrown my friends who are all religious and, quite frankly, intellectually stunted and incurious to say the least. I was wondering how you've all gone about meeting new friends? It feels daunting making new friendships as an adult, they don't come as easily as they did in childhood.
A bit of background on me. I first left Islam when I was in grade 9 because I couldn't reconcile the texts with basic human decency, philosophical questions about determinism/ethics, or just all the evidence it's a man-made hodgepodge ripoff of other religions.
However, a few years ago my mother passed away and for a time I converted back to Islam out of despair and a desperate longing to feel a connection with her again. You see, despite my atheism, I have been fortunate enough to come from an educated and tolerant family. While my parents were saddened by my renunciation of Islam they never chastised me or made me feel bad, we all just carried on as usual. I'm very close to my family, and was especially close to my mother.
Fast forward a few years after that though, and I once again realized I couldn't reconcile my beliefs with Islam. The only reason I had reverted was because of my mother, she was a wise, kind and loving soul, and I felt that if Islam brought her peace I must be missing something. But again, I was forced to realize that I'm just incompatible with religious thinking.
In the process I also realized that I'm incompatible with my lifelong friends. I find my political and ethical beliefs increasingly at odds with theirs. I also, quite frankly, think they're too stupid to grasp the nuances of the arguments I make whenever we have a debate about these topics. These are friends I've known since childhood and our group is very insular, everyone is Muslim, most are of the same culture/ethnicity.
I just can't carry on with them anymore though. I feel like I'm hiding my true self from them and have to censor my speech and behavior in their presence. Sometimes I feel like just ditching them all at once, but then I'd be totally friendless. I'd like to make friends with some free-thinkers first before leaving my old childhood friends behind, but I find it's very difficult to do that now. The only place I really meet new people is at work and that's not an ideal environment IMO. I also have a hard time making small talk with strangers, I feel like conversation needs to flow naturally and I'm not great at forcing it.
I'm sure others here have gone through something similar, I was wondering if and how you managed to find new friend groups?

Wow. I am genuinely impressed. It takes quite a bit to make me seek out a reddit community just to leave feedback and take the time to properly write out my thoughts regarding a product. You guys managed to make me do just that!
I've used countless other Cloud PC providers, gaming oriented or otherwise. Stim.IO genuinely blew me away and surpassed my expectations. It really built my trust in the platform when I noticed a free trial was offered upon account creation, I didn't even need to request it! That shows me, and I suspect ANY customer, that you have a level of fundamental belief in the underlying service that's being offered here and it gives a very strong first impression. Everything felt snappy, responsive and had I not been told I was using a cloud PC service.. I doubt I would've noticed.
The price is extremely competitive and Tier 3 offers the kind of hardware other services simply cannot compete with for the price.
When you guys offer a native application and I can stream outside of a web browser and use a proper windows version wherein I can access things like the Xbox app, this service will simply be unrivaled when compared with other existing services around. Impressive is an understatement. The first time I have ever sat down and used a service like this and genuinely asked myself..
"Do I really need a proper desktop for gaming?"
I plan to sign up for the founders club immediately. Looking forward to seeing where this service goes in the future!

To me, this question is something I should know. I know the sun can make you not feel well, but what about causing pain in your small joints? I sat out in the late afternoon sun for about 30-45 minutes yesterday. I didn’t feel too bad, or worse than I normally do last night. This morning, my fingers from the smallest joint including all the finger joints hurt awful. My thumbs are so stiff. I have had trouble using my steering wheel and I had to take my daughter to an appointment 1.5 hours away from my house. Also, my wrists and elbows ache. My elbows will kinda lock up then with a snap become functional and my wrists snap/crack all the time. Usually not painful, today painful. Tonight, my fingers are swollen, to the point it makes it hard to fully extend them. This is slightly distressing me because I want to enjoy my summer, sitting outside. I live way up north in the US so seeing the sun is kinda rare, lol. I’ve been on Hydroxychloroquine since September 2023 and Methotrexate since December 2023. Maybe I see more days where my fingers are functional? I’m still tired, writing and typing still suck. Could this also mean my meds are not working for me and maybe making the sun not like me? I see the rheumatologist in a month and I am not fond of him. I’m a freaking nurse so you would think I’d get it. I don’t though. I’m cross-posting this to the other RA sub if you happen to see it again. TIA

I am back with another review for my holy grail - the AB lip balm-again, it’s gonna be a long post.
As I have mentioned again and again, the AB balm is the one to rule them all. It moisturizes, it removes my lip peeling, and prevents future peeling. It has a heavenly texture, and no matter how much you apply it to your lips, there is no pilling or white cast even after rubbing your lips together. Don’t get me started with how it feels on your lips, my lips feel sooooo pillowy (not sure if that’s a word). This has also been the first winter that my lips have not cracked or been painful dry…and it is this beautiful texture that is its downfall.
I was very excited when I found out that Augustinus Bader was coming with a color version of this lip balm with a collaboration with Sofia Coppola . It’s no exaggeration that I’ve been through at least 15 tubes of this lip balm. I keep one accesible at all time (purse, desk, by my bed, etc) … that’s how much I like it.
The version comes with a very cute colored strip at the base of the tube and colored logo at the top. On the inside of the tube, the letters are also highlighted with color. The change is minimal, but meshes well. Whoever was in charge, did a good job.
The AB balm texture continues to be its original buttery, and light formula. For reference, I chose the shade #1. Now, if you’ve ever used watery lip tints, you’ll know that they will settle into dry spots. For me it makes those dry spots a shade darker and make my lips overall, blotchy. Some also settle into your lip lines if you don’t blot them with your finger. This is exactly what the AB tinted balm does, it’s just that in this instance, it is its amazing formula that works against it. The color settles immediately on my lip lines, it is not a smooth even application of color that a lip stain like a Rare Beauty Lip Oil would give you . It also leave (hopefully this makes sense) an outline of color where the rounded edge of the lip balm touches my lip. Meaning that it leaves patches of colored lines on the outline of my lips. I’m disappointed, so disappointed. I REALLY REALLY wanted to love it, but I can’t…the only way to salvage it is to even it out with my fingers, but that defeats the purpose of an easy, no mirror application. If you are not careful with its application, you’ll look like a baby that’s learning how to eat and has food all around their lips after slurping spaghetti!!!
Now, this tinted balm did give me an idea. I felt that its texture would mesh well with a tint or stain. I have a lot of leftover AB tubes. I save them, scrape the leftovers at the bottom of the tube, melt and fill a little pot with it.
This time around, I dug through my lippies and chose my Cha Cha Benefit tint in “mango”. I melted all my lip balm leftover on a wax burner. I (generously, but did not measure it) poured the lip tint in the melted lip balm. This made the AB melted lip balm solidify a bit, but as soon as it warmed again, it melted and after stirring it, it combined beautifully. I did noticed that it solidified easily as soon as I pulled it away from the wax burner and so I had to work fast…and Voila!!! It turned soooooo goood! My hunch was right and my little experiment worked!
As soon as the leftovers from the pot I melted the lip balm on solidified, I tried it on. Guys, the melting process did not destroy its original texture (although I have yet to see how this mixture will work in a lip tube form). The color spreads smooth on my lips, no blotching or settling on my imperfections or dry lips, and with the cute color payoff!
So, with little extra work, I came with the best of both worlds! My favorite of all time lip balm, but with a “personal improvement”.
I do hope that in the future, Augustinus Bader will come with a similar product… and as soon as that happens, I will be getting my hand on them too!

Hi, everyone! I wanted to ask if anyone has used the site WordReference before? My French professor had us use it for conjugation and translating single words like nouns and adjectives. I saw they have an Arabic option, and would like to use it for a worldbuilding project but I want to be sure my system works.
What I currently do is a translate a word, then copy the Arabic script into Google Translate so I can hear it spoken and get an anglized version to write down.
For example, I want the word Mosaic which gave me فسيفساء in WordReference (I chose the 3rd option based on the description). And then put that into Google Translate, which says its fasayfisa'
Does this work? Are there better sites to use for something like this? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

I had posted here a while ago about how I have felt insecure about my double chin and full cheeks my entire life, and I was wondering if I should pursue chin lipo, a neck lift, or something else. I got some great recommendations and went to a couple of consultations, but a lower face lift was quoted at over $20,000… which is not something within reach for my current tax bracket haha.
Then, I heard about Dermacare of Carlsbad (California) having a special on a dual procedure called the MyEllevate/Precision Chin package. It requires only local anesthesia, has far fewer risks and a much shorter recovery compared to a face lift, and is way less invasive. It involves placing strategic sutures that help tighten the skin and muscles to the neck, including partially snipping the platysmal bands, and doing subdermal laser and liposuction for the lower chin and upper neck. The procedure took about an hour and a half total, and while it wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world, it was entirely manageable.
Recovery was really unpleasant for the first 2-3 days, but this was my first ever cosmetic procedure, so I have no frame of reference. I had the procedure on Friday was able to go back to work on Monday (office-like job). Bruising has been very minimal, just some faint yellowing on the sides of my neck. Even with the significant swelling that I still have, I’m absolutely thrilled with the difference already. Most of the swelling goes away within 8 weeks, but the skin continues tightening and improving over about a year. With the $1,000 discount, I got all of it done for $6,000. I already like my side profile so much more now, but in a way where I still completely recognize myself and don’t feel like I’ve changed major features or look like a different person. I feel like I just look like a better me.
I’ll post another update at the 8-week check-in if people would find that helpful, but I just wanted to share my experience and my results so far! Comments and feedback welcome!

We've got an appointment next week and will hopefully get her some allergy meds, or anything else she needs, to clear this up with the big guns. But she's been itchy and overgrooming for a few days, possibly just anxious too ever since we moved last month. She does seem to like the new place, but it's still a big change from our old house. We're still in the same town though so it doesn't seem to be like a major reaction to a climate difference or anything. Could also be seasonal/springtime allergies, but she hasn't had this problem in past years.
As of today she's got two spots on the back of her neck that are slightly bleeding, not actively running blood at all but she's scabbing herself up for sure. Been trying to just comfort her and gently discourage all the scratching and licking, but there's just no way I can get her into the vet, or any vet, sooner than a week from tomorrow. I get paid in a few days, so I took the soonest appointment they had available.
I know places like Chewy have all kinds of topical remedies but I'm really hesitant about medicinal stuff without talking to the vet first. Hoping for something more on the...playing it safe side? I read coconut oil might help soothe ichy skin and be calming, so I may try and buy some of that today. But any other safe remedies or techniques that aren't risky without a prescription, just to get her some relief and hopefully try to prevent these booboos getting worse would be deeply appreciated. Here's the specs and more info for context, link to a photo at the end (not super gorey or anything, but a wound pic nonetheless).

• Feline
• Age: 4+ years
• Female, spayed 2+ years ago
• Calico (tortie and ragdoll mix)
• Body weight: about 8lbs, she's honestly a little cubby for her structure, we're working on it but she's extremely stubbon about food and will only eat the cheap junk kibble. Tips on this would be appreciated also because I'm sure it doesn't help anything, but she absolutely will not touch any wet food of any kind, she'll eat around it or abandon her bowl and cry. If I mix in healthier dry food she also somehow eats around it. She doesn't even like any form of human food, fresh/cooked fish, or even cat treats. We've been playing this game her whole life, and the highest quality I've gotten her to eat is Purina. She will straight up hunger strike. Ideas?
• Clinical signs: Overgrooming, scratching, licking, nail biting
• Duration: Worsening over the past 2-3 weeks, only more severely in the past several days, small wounds showed up today. No dandruff or parasites that I can tell. She is dewormed regularly.
• Your general location: Southern USA
• History: Other than the food thing and her recent scratching/overgrooming, not much. She's always been a sweet good baby, likes to whine for attention and gets the zoomies sometimes but she's overall a great cat, affectionate, 50/50 independent and demanding, like the best of em. She's not cool with baths though, so the oatmeal thing sounds like a last resort to me, she'd be piiissed. I'd do it if we had to, just... cautiously, and probably walk away with a few scars of my own. But she's still the best. My partner is allergic to her and they're her favorite person ever, so they're really close regardless. We used to have dogs but both passed away in recent years so she's the only pet in the house. She's strictly an indoor cat, 0 wilderness survival skills to speak of. She's had fleas a couple times before but we always kicked them easily, and I worried that might be the case but so far no sign of fleas whatsoever.
• Additional, possibly unneccesary history but... : Mom's the tortie, and has MUCH worse overgrooming/scabby tendencies, medicated for allergies but it's hit-or-miss if her meds work. This is the first time my girl has had this problem. Also her dad was most likely a stray, we think a ragdoll, I've had them before and he was very much textbook ragdoll, and my cat has roughly half that personality type. She was conceived during her mom's one and only 24 hour escape. The ragdoll fella hung around for a while afterwards, mom started getting fat, my former roommates and I put the pieces together...
• Don't have any vet info or test results yet, but will update next week after we see them! For now, a picture of the couple of bad spots on the back of her neck

Thank you for any tips!

So, I've kind of posted about this in other threads, specifically on askreddit, but by some users request, I will do my best to fully relay this entire tale up to the current point, as well as provide as much context I am able (and will provide missing context if asked in comments).
Part 1: CONTEXT
Me and my wife have been together since early 2014, and married in late 2017. We have been through much together, including two extended deployments, one of which was 10 and a half months long. We have traveled the world together, lived on both coasts of the US, and despite much of our struggles and how things eventually went down, I was always convinced we would work as a team to overcome any issues.
The friend in question was, largely, an online friend. We met playing an MMO during covid and we quickly formed a very tight knit, but small, community that were very close that included me, my wife, my friend, his wife, and 4 other friends. Covid was a wild time and I was surprised how easy it was to form friends in this group and we kept in touch, as a whole, even once quarantine had ended and most of us had moved on from that particular game. This was a group that, while it started online, we have met most of these people several times IRL and had vacations to spend time together and just hang out.
Part 2: His Problems
Fast forward to about January of 2024. My buddy, from here on out I will refer to as Z (and for a quick add, I will refer to my wife as D), contacts us to tell us his condition is dire and he has been diagnosed with stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver as a consequence of his extensive drinking. Shaken, we quickly charter a flight out to visit. Within a week, we're staying with him and his wife and his roommate and a couple members of his family who are taking care of him. This man is bloated, yellow, and probably about 350lbs now. We are worried, but stay supportive and positive that help can be found, especially since he seems keen on changing his lifestyle for the better. Some of his family start a gofundme that we donate to, and many of the people in our gaming circle who have grown close also donate several thousand dollars (One member of our raid team donated 10k. You never know who is stealth rich on the internet I guess). Me and several other friends discuss the possibilities of helping him get on disability and even getting ourselves tested as compatible living donors. Sad, but hopeful, we depart about a week later, and stay in constant touch.
About a month later, I'm getting a call from one of our mutuals letting me know that "Hey, so I may have goofed up." and tells me how Z's wife had visited him and had a 3 way with him and his wife. I am obviously irate at this and turn to back Z up with comments like "So much for in sickness and in health, huh?" I do what I can to stay supportive, and my wife, D, also makes it a point to stay in touch with him as he has found himself banished to the couch of his apartment. Not even allowed to sleep in his own bed and frequently uncomfortable even being in his bedroom to use the PC.
I'm not particularly rich, but I am not poor either. I served in the military and have a high VA rating which means a constant income and have a steady job and a couple side gigs that pay well enough. My love language, in many ways, is gift giving. I pride myself on being able to pick a good gift, even if it's a little early for an occasion such as a bday or christmas, and will often pull the trigger on something if it means a lot or I think it will help. In this case, my brother was selling an old steam deck because he wanted a new OLED model, so I figured "two birds, one stone", and buy the steam deck off him and send it to Z so we can still game together.
In the intervening months, Z and D start playing games that I have no interest in (Disney Dreamlight Valley), but I am happy to play other games and hang out and chat. Really, nothing seems amiss, but since his banishment, me and my wife are both pushing for him to come and take up the spare bedroom we have in our home. Soon enough, I buy him a plane ticket and he arrives with little more than the clothes on his back and we take him in, no cost other than the expectation that he might help around the house a bit (he was a chef, so having a cook and someone to help clean was ideal for me who often did not have the time or energy to handle these tasks as thoroughly as I would like).
Part 3: The Incident
Now, I am skipping ahead a little bit here, but there's not much to be said about the time between. My wife worked part time hours, and when she did go to work, she'd have him tag along just so he wouldn't "Sit and stew with bad thoughts" at the house alone. I will admit that throughout this entire ordeal, I have had several, several times where my brain tried to warn me, but I ignored ALL of those signs because I trusted him, but more importantly, I trusted her with my life.
One new, frequent argument I found myself having with her was she would fall asleep on the couch, and when I finally tried to go to bed, I'd do my best to wake her and drag her upstairs. These became extremely frequent occurrences and I expressed to her how frustrated I was that I had to fight with her just to come to bed so we could sleep (mind you, this is not even about sex. Often I'm taking her to bed at like, 1am and I work at 7, so I really just wanted her to be sleeping in the bed). Hell, one time, I started catching the vibes that the longer I sat and waited for her to be ready to go upstairs, she just never would be, because they were waiting for me to leave so they could talk in hushed tones. On THAT particular night, I went upstairs alone with her finally awake, and she did not join me for another half hour.
Finally, the day arrives. Its Sunday. We are all downstairs hanging out. One of their newest habits I can't really stand but just dealt with is that she'd sit and crochet while he doomscrolled or strummed on a guitar I bought him and listen to music videos on youtube endlessly. Eventually, I grow weary and give my wife a kiss and tell her I'm gonna go upstairs and play some GW2 for a bit.
About an hour passes, and she enters the game room and tells me "I am uncomfortable. I really need to talk to you. Oh, you're dying!" (As she entered the room, I immediately turn face to talk to her and disregard the game, but she decided that my Charr was more important that what was about to happen, so she of course warns me.) We step into the bedroom and close the door.
"You're going to hate me," she says through tears, "me and Z kissed!" At this point, my brain short circuits and I recall one of my first thoughts being "Oh lord, here we go." and just a general desire to not be a part of this conversation. Shock sets in almost immediately. Still with a healthy dose of denial, I talk to her about what had happened and told her that it needed to end. Even at this point, I did not want to send this man home. Was it shock? Denial? Probably a mixture of the two, or some other additional emotional responses. She gets up after some discussion and goes downstairs, promising to shut him down, but comes back about 15 minutes later sobbing "I couldn't do it! I couldn't end it..." (Side note: In my confused haze of a mind, I feel personally threatened, and after she leaves the bedroom, I lock the door and grab a metal water cub I keep at my side and prepare to actually fight if it comes to it, but once she returns, I back off that idea again.)
Talking with her more, I present her with two options; Couple's therapy, or divorce. BOTH of these options are world ending to her, and she even goes so far as to suggest that just because I said the "D word" that it was what I wanted, which was objectively untrue. We talk back and forth about things I don't quite recall at this point, aside from one point where she comes back and locks herself in the master bath and tells me to call 911, she doesn't care, because she's going to take a bunch of pills, but after a couple of hours, Z shows up to the door and knocks and asks if he can come in. I tell him he may enter, and we talk for a bit. After about 5ish minutes, we decide to go downstairs to the living room and continue the discussion.
Once I sit down on the sofa, I immediately feel like I'm being positioned as the bad guy. I'm in the corner of our sectional, and she's on my left, he's on my right. She tells him "He said it's either a divorce or couple's therapy." "Oh, so he gave you an ultimatum?" I continue to argue that yes, those are the two only options. Z tells me "You're not being fair to her emotions. She is telling you there is another option." I am thoroughly baffled at this statement.
D: I didn't think it was possible and I didn't mean for it to happen, but I have fallen in love with another man. My heart has room for two. I truly have two soulmates. I have never been happier than sleeping on the couch next to my two boys.
Z: There is no reason you guys can't stay married, and we can explore what we've found. I mean, look at how happy she has been since I have been here!
Sick to my stomach, I get up to go vomit in the toilet. Now, I wore a silicone wedding ring, and often find even with a hand wash, a little water tends to get trapped under it. After I finish and wash myself up, I come back and am playing with my ring to dry it. She sees this as a sign that I am uncomfortable again wearing my ring, and takes off her ring as I sit back down and hands me her wedding ring.
Me: Uh, excuse me?
D: This is what you want, I can tell.
Me: No? I was washing my hands and water gets stuck under my ring...
D: Oh... I thought... okay. (And she takes back her ring from me)
I tell her, very clearly, the options are to either end things with him, or end things with me. At this point, I'm still in shock, but sober in mind enough to decide that this is not worth fighting over. I will not argue with my own wife my merits or why she shouldn't just pack up and leave with a jobless, now essentially homeless man, and if she cannot figure that out herself then I will eventually move on.
Crying, sobbing, she sits down in front of him and says, "I'm so sorry, I fought for you. I really did. I told you I'd fight for you and I failed. I loved being your girlfriend, but I need to be a good wife and stay."
Z says "Alright." and starts to go gather his things to leave. As he does, she grabs him and says "No, wait! Please don't go. I don't know what I want."
Z: Ok, well if we're getting all this out in the open, I want to say this. I love this girl. I love her with my whole heart, and without her, life is not worth living. I will not leave this house if you (me) tell me to. Only her. You are taking this very well right now, I can tell you want to hit me (Still in shock, no, I can genuinely say that emotion or thought had not actually registered outside of the event upstairs earlier), but this is my stand.
D: OP, we had a good run. I'm sorry.
And with that, I get up and go to get my sandals and leave the house to get some air. As I try to go, she runs to the door and he follows her. She pushes the door closed and says "No wait, please!"
Me: No, this is the deal. I'm going out to get some fresh air. I am not threatening self harm to "win you back".
D: Will you be back?
Me: I don't know.
Z: Man, I'm telling you, you don't understand, you think I am your enemy, but I am not.
And with that, I leave and shut the door.
In the about, hour, I am gone, I drive around near the house and I call my supervisor who I have a very good relationship with (and I did not want to involve direct friends or family yet because I'm afraid it's too early to start spreading this news). I go over to her house nearby and we chat shortly. After our talk, I have at least something of a clear head and go home, with words for both of them.
As I arrive home, there is no one downstairs. I go upstairs. His door is closed. I knock on the door.
Z: Uh, one second.
I wait for about 5 agonizing seconds, but I refuse to be shut out of rooms in my own home and open the door. He is shirtless, and she is hiding in the corner just out of sight of me. I look him in the eye.
Me: Really?
Z: Yep.
Me: Get out of my house.
And with that, they both silently pack their things and leave.
The second I hear the front door close, I start calling people. I am not above pettiness, and the first person I call is her mom, whom I have a good relationship with. She is SHAKEN and immediately calls her. (I find out later that it was a particularly harsh verbal beating by her, but it really doesn't change anything.)
When I come downstairs to check the state of the house, I see her wedding ring on the counter. I call out of work the next day and lay down and hope I die.
Part 4: Her Problems
So, there is some additional context that I did not add in part 1 because a lot of it is red flags I ignored over the course of our relationship that, in the days following, started to become more and more obvious. There are many that I spent much effort playing off or covering her for, but I will try to briefly list much of what I see as glaring issues in the relationship that were never remedied.
This woman is 30 years old and cannot drive. She can drive and HAS driven my vehicle at the start of the relationship (albeit illegally), but after one tiny little accident where she hit a pole and knocked my side mirror off (which she paid for and fixed before telling me, it really wasn't a big deal. I was on deployment), she never drove again. Attempts to get her behind the wheel would end very quickly after they started, and the conditions to get her in the seat were often extremely time limited, scheduled, or something would come up, and every time I told her "okay, this month we're getting your license for sure" it just wouldn't happen and I'd end up feeling like the one who was at fault.
She does not have her Bachelor's degree because she did not turn in her final project for one single class. Not only that, but she has never truly pursued a career with the things she learned from the coursework, or even used her AA.
For half of the relationship, she did not work at all. When she did, it was often part time work, and if she was saddled with full time hours or, god forbid, overtime, it was a world-ending affair. She would come home and constantly be tired from her few hours at work and would do little more than sit around and crochet.
Our agreement when we bought our house was that she was going to work full time and we were going to split household duties, but I would definitely scoop the cat box because she was allergic (but she wanted cats) and wash dishes (because she hated them), and she would do laundry (because I hated it). In practice, all her version of laundry turned out to be was to throw loads in when one of us was out of clothes and just hit wash and then rotate, and then leave all the clothes in a pile on the bed. EVERYONE KNOWS folding the laundry is the worst part! Come on! Men's clothes are easy! I don't wear that much! (When we would fold, I often finished in a third of her time and would just hang out and chat until she was done)
Ultimately, this meant that for many years now, she was working barely more than part time if she was working at all, and would sort-of do laundry. Meanwhile, I am scooping litter, folding laundry, doing dishes, doing all related yard work, doing all the household cleaning, handling all the finances, I did MOST of the cooking, and all of the grocery shopping (often going alone), driving her from work if I could (she'd uber it if not) and picking her up and driving her home, as well as just generally being a chauffeur for her for 10 years, while working a full time job and a side gig online. Many nights I'd have to stop what I was doing to pick her up at closing hours, and then would sit in the parking lot for 30 minutes while she did tasks like vacuum her little crystal shop that she definitely could have done before close so I didn't end up waiting so damn long. Then we'd come home hang out and eat while we watched TV, and then if I wanted to try and go upstairs to do another hobby, I'd be silently guilted about it because she wanted to sit on the couch and crochet.
Part 5: My Problems
I am not perfect, and admit I have flaws. One of her favorite things to claim to our friends now is that I was "emotionally neglectful", and if there is truth to it, I think I can pin down the day. Before I started working full time again, I was going to school on the 9/11 GI bill. I was not a good student in my younger years, but in time, I have become rather good at school. My first two semesters back I easily maintained a 4.0 GPA. Over the summer in 2022, I, woefully, decided to take a Calc 2 class online because I could not find one in person and wanted to be ready for Calc 3 in the Fall to fill a prereq for my bachelor's, and I really liked the instructor for that Calc 3 class. This calc 2 class was painful. The instructor had clearly recorded all his lectures during Covid and we were simply given the full course of videos and given work assignments and said "Email me if you have questions." This is not how I learn, but I figured, hey, it's one class. I'm working again, but one class isn't a huge deal. I can knock this out.
I was wrong.
After the second exam, I had a low C in the class and I knew I couldn't keep up. I withdrew from the class feeling no other option. I tend to be pretty good at math, and ultimately my dream was to work with 3d printing on an industrial scale with a Mechanical Engineering degree- and if that failed I had my military history (which is engineering relevant) and a degree to fall back on and work should come easily. After clicking that withdraw button, I saw those dreams vaporize. After that, I threw myself into my government civilian job full time and slowly fell into depression. By the end of our relationship, with the toll of doing 99% of the work around the house and for her and with my dreams dead and buried, at age 33, I would wake up and pray I died. I would never kill myself, but I wanted to just die. I felt backed into a corner. I still did everything I could to support her and hoped that one day, she would pick up some of the load and maybe, just maybe, I could go back, but that day did not come (At least not in the way I expected).
Part 6: The Aftermath
This post is already too long, and if I include every single detail that has come to light since, I might actually hit the post cap, but I will go over at least some of it here.
I have had my friends come out in droves. Both of them have been effectively exiled, at least from what I can see, from every friend circle we have. After a couple of days, they flew back to live with, I guess, his parents in Vegas while they sorted shit out, because after I spoke with Z's previous roommate, he adamantly explained he was tired of all the "fucking drama" that Z had been bringing into the house and was just done with it.
I have spoken with many, many people and gotten even more context and even receipts of some of each of their conversations to our mutual friends, and some of the shit I read is just hilarious. He is "not ashamed of pursuing happiness, he is just sad that people got hurt". She is "coming to terms with emotional neglect and felt trapped, but now, yes now, she is free."
I got my neighbors to watch the cats, and took my dog up to visit my closest friend of 20 years and spent about a week and a half drinking, smoking, and talking about all this while surrounded by some of the most beautiful nature the US has to offer. Truly, without this man, I don't think I'd have gotten this far as quickly as I have. He really has been a lifesaver and I truly, to my dying day, will always appreciate him.
Paperwork has been filed, we wish to remain on good terms, and one day I still do hope I can be a friend to her, but she is woefully immature and incapable of adequately performing in an adult society. I have quit my job and am returning to school with a much lighter budget and will be getting that degree I desperately need.
It's been hard, real hard. I have put every ounce of my being into this relationship, and I truly felt like she was part of me, and nothing like this could ever happen. But it's that trust that allowed this to happen. I do not hate her, I'm just disappointed. I will pick up my pieces and, hopefully, find myself whole again soon.
Part 7: Rambling anecdotes
These are some stories I wanted to include in the previous body of text but didn't feel like it kept the same flow (if there even is any at all, I'm not proofreading this). If I remember any others after I post, Ill just toss them in the comments.
Early after Z came to live with us, my mother came to the house to drop off a package. I am pretty sure I was at work, but when my mother came to the door, both of them answered the door and the way my mom describes it "First of all, do you answer the door at your friends house? Also, the way he hovered over her made me uncomfortable. They were in the doorway and he was right up behind her poking his head out." She said my wife had told her that I was feeling unwell and was upstairs sleeping. I can't even be sure at this point.
Shortly before all the things happened, my parents were going out of town to celebrate their own anniversary, and I had agreed to dog-sit their 5 month old puppy (who, while cute, has WAY too much energy and was EXTREMELY difficult to handle, and I have raised several dogs at this point). We met up and took the dog, and then ALL of us (including Z) went to dinner. At dinner, my mother looked at my wife and asked, directly "And so how long have you been married? 6, almost 7 years? Well at least you missed that 7 year itch, huh" and my wife shortly followed with a comment about how she was not hungry and did not eat dinner that night.
All of this happened WHILE THIS CRAZY PUPPY was running around the house, and part of me thinks he pushed this to happen when it did because he could not stand having to help take care of this dog any longer (2 days).
About a week after all this happened, my wife did not text or call me, or respond to any messages or emails I sent her (I didn't send many, but they exist). Frustrated, I text her and tell her I need to talk to her about logistics moving forward, specifically about her belongings. She told me "I will talk to you when I am ready." We did not talk for another week. Also, she told me to stop talking to her mom. (I have a good relationship with both of my in-laws and while her step-father tried to remain impartial to the best of his abilities, he gave me some of the best advice I could possibly have gotten at that time, mostly about how to move forward and cope, as he has personally dealt with this with smaller relationships 3 separate times in his life which he gave me details on, and we are still on good terms.)
Their favorite TV show to watch together was Outlander, which, if you aren't aware, is basically a story about a woman who time travels and has two men in her life.
One of our biggest constant points of contention was my friendship with an old high school buddy (who I spent much of the time in the aftermath hanging out with while healing). We believe, with good reason, that she hated this man because after I had almost been hospitalized for psych reasons due to stress, he had told me I needed to talk to her about working again and doing more to help around the house. She figured out, obviously, who was telling me to say these things, and sent a very, very angry text to his wife. They all apparently made up, but I know she never let that grudge go.
One of the fairly recent hobbies I got into was D&D. It seemed like a good fit for all of us. She loved fantasy and gaming, I enjoyed 3d printing and story telling. She needed friends, and a party of people hangin out would give her at least a few connections to start. Every night she "participated" in D&D, she mostly sat quiet and did not do anything. Hell, I tried to get her to participate in 2 different games, and after she left the first one, she asked to just sit quietly in the discord call (This first one was online only, second was in person) and listen, which was super awkward. In the in person game, after 3 months of playing, she did not know how to play her character at all, and mostly spent her time at the table crocheting. (My buddy even made a comment about how at one point, he was proud of how good I was getting at DMing and I was giving particularly good exposition, and she interrupted me to hand another player at the table a dice bag she made. I don't remember it, but I absolutely believe this happened.)
The day of "the incident", she had a meltdown about how a friend of hers had ghosted her. I told her it was okay, she was much younger anyway and people grow apart. She's probably going through stuff and we should respect that path she's on. She cried about how she has no friends.
Also the day of "the incident", we were in the shower together and she told me she had met her sister's new BF on facetime. I asked "why did she break up with her old one?" "Well... she cheated on him." "Oh, that's a shame. Cheating is probably the most cowardly act a person can do to another. If you're going to start a new relationship, you need to grow a pair and end it before starting a new one." She clearly took my words to heart.
One of my biggest pet peeves about cleaning the house is our dog sheds, a lot. If I see a hairball roll through the house it immediately drains me a bit. We had a roomba. She would send that thing home when it started and never start it again. It barely ran. She would not vacuum.
One of the most common descriptors of her I've heard used by many people now that they're "allowed to" is "She was there, doing the thing with us, but it was like she wasn't there."
Something she thought that I apparently hadn't figured out by the time we talked after everything happened was that they had been talking since February. I told her I wasn't stupid and had figured it out already that this wasn't out of the blue.
Z's wife is currently pregnant with the baby of the man she cheated on him with. (And he is also married)
Anything else I remember Ill leave for comments, I know there is much, much more.
TL;DR
A friend of mine of 4 years drank himself into liver failure and his wife cheated on him, so I offered him a free room to try and put his life back together, and I was repaid for the thought with a divorce of my own, but honestly, it's probably not that bad.

Introduction

There was a post that was recently posted and it's been asked a ton: "How do I get a computer science related job after I graduate from KSU?". I thought I'd share this with everyone because I've been down this path and managed to make it on the other side. This will be a long explanation and hopefully, can serve as some sort of guide for students. That being said, things are subjective and this is not the holy grail of how to make it. You might find all, some or none of it useful. I encourage testimonials and whatnot in the comments. Can be applied to all majors but, this primary for technology-based majors since I am in tech field. YMMV

About Me

I've been around here for a while. I was a student not too long ago, studied computer science for my bachelors. After graduating, I work in FAANG and have worked in big tech for a while. No, I don't work at Amazon. I am a senior software engineer. I touch frontend & backend technologies. I participate in hiring frequently.

Starting Out

Over the years and while attending here, there's been a weird disconnect between students, goals and how to achieve them in tech. Goals can be anywhere from learning new technologies, getting internships to securing a full time job before or after you graduate. As much as I would love for there to be a path where you can do minimum effort and still succeed, there isn't. A lot of you seem to not realize that. Getting a degree in this field is not enough. Doing projects that show no passion / interests is not enough. Being stuck on tutorials for years is not enough.
This field is much like a sport. There are very few people that can just be great without any effort. You have to be consistent. Four years is not a lot of time. It goes by super fast. If you constantly push things back and you do not take the time to learn the fundamentals outside the classroom, you will not succeed in this field. This field is at a point where there's so many of you. Every post on LinkedIn and news articles said "hey, this field is a gold mine and you'll make six figures out the gate". For a time, maybe that was somewhat true. As of writing this, it's not. You're going against people who have: better schools, better experience, etc. You have to find a way to diversify yourself early. If you can't diversify, you're going to be in a tough place later down the road. Knowledge not something you can just consume in less than an hour and pass an interview. You have to know it well. If you don't, there's someone else who will.
There's an interesting connotation in life that you're either born super smart or an absolute idiot and that you have to be smart to do computer science / programming. There are people with raw IQ that can consume things like no one you've ever met but, that's such a rarity that there's no realistic use in using that as a data point. If you ever took the time to ask someone who you thought was really good at something, they would tell you something along the lines of: I love what I do and I spent a lot of time doing this. There are hours and hours of time people put into passions that you don't / will never see. Meaning that they can no-life this shit for days on end and still come back and do it some more. It doesn't mean that you can't succeed if don't do that but, computing / programming is a very boring field if you do not enjoy it. I would seriously contemplate why you're doing through this. If you're doing it for money and only money, you're going to end up miserable. No amount of money can make you do something you hate. It'll wear you down both mentally and physically. If you're doing this because it's a mix of passion and money, you're like everyone else and you gave yourself a better shot. It's a mental thing. Don't climb uphill if you rather sit at the bottom. There's nothing wrong with that. But, don't do it. For what it's worth, I am not the smartest person. I graduated high school with a low GPA and took college seriously because I wanted to do more with my life. Plus, being on hourly forever sounds horrible imo.
Additionally, college is what you make of it. Blaming professors or the program (while I do agree sometimes) is not great. Blaming professors that don't speak English is a cop out. If you work in tech, you'll be interacting with a lot of people from other countries. Professors and TAs can only teach you so much. Classes are meant to give you a taste of what it's like in that domain / space. It's not meant to fix all your issues and show you the way. That's for you to do on your own time. Take accountability of your own success, explore the internet (it's free) and lock in. Stop looking for opportunities to find you. Actively seek them out yourself.

Networking

Make connections with people. I cannot stress how important this is. Especially on the Marietta campus, there's a lot of you that go to class, stingers / food, run to class and immediately start gaming and think that when your classes are over, you're done for the day. That's such a bad mindset. Make connections with people. A lot of people say "there's nothing to do at KSU and there's no life on campus". That's not true. Join a club that interests you. Get close to the people in that club who actively attend and build a personal relationship. If there's no club with your interest, make a club. You can make one officially through KSU or add a discord server to the student hub and go from there. You'll meet some really cool people. Lots of my connections have come from randomly showing up to a club, getting out of my comfort zone and weirdly enjoying it.

Interviewing

Brush up on your interview skills. Technical and behavioral abilities matter. Culture fit matters. A lot of you seem to walk around with almost zero personal hygiene. Clean yourself up, practice talking to people and get places. There's been this stigma that culture fit doesn't matter as much as technical and if I have great technical abilities, they'll just accept me. I can tell you for an absolutely fact that I have thrown out / tossed out resumes from highly technical individuals that had zero people skills. If you can't communicate and clean up, you're more of a risk than someone who does all those things and has a bit less technical ability. Know more than just leetcode. Learn system design. Take a course / watch a video on Linux and bash. Do not be afraid of the command line interface. Take feedback seriously. Do not argue with people. If you future manager / colleague tells you that you need to work on things, work on those things. There's nothing worth than a co-worker in denial.

Jobs

As for internships and full time opportunities, there's a few classes at KSU that you really want to master: Data structures, Algorithm Analysis, Operating Systems and Discrete math. If you're in a major that doesn't have those classes, spend the extra money and take those classes. Do not take them online if you can afford to come in person. Take the hardest / best professors for those courses. Super important. Leetcode is quite literally, those two classes merged together in a prompt-style format. If you do not understand those concepts, you will not make it in this field.
Data Structures - Varies. Rate my professor.
Algorithm Analysis - Varies. Rate my professor.
Operating Systems - Do not take Carla McManus if you want to learn the concepts fluently.
Discrete Math - Andy Wilson.
Having solid resume is super important. Many people who don't secure things and get automatically rejected, etc have horrible resumes. Spend the money to get your resume professionally written. Templates are cool but, they don't convey information well. Don't put every achievement ever on there. The rule of "only one page" is complete and total bullshit. If you have projects and prior work experience related to the role, list it down. Don't conserve space for the sake of keeping it one page. I know the career center actively tells people on handshake to keep it to one page. They're wrong. I landed internships consistently at big tech / FAANG for years with a 1.5 / 2 page resume. Do not lie on your resume. If you can't solve a leetcode hard consistently with the technology / language of choice, you don't know it well enough. I have interviewed a ton of students that list they know C or Python and can't write recursion or gives me a solution in O(N^2) or worse. Aim for O(N), use a hashmap / hash table when you can and do it in a language that doesn't make you fight the runtime / compiler. Trust me, we know when you're making shit up. If you don't know something say it and then, tell them to explain more. This way, you show that you have the capability to learn. Ask smart questions. Do not ask questions that have already been answered. Take notes.
On your resume, experience is only real experience if you get a W2. If you don't get a W2, you can't claim it as professional experience. A lot of background checks these days are drilling down on incorrect information. I have seen instances where people lie, get an offer, company finds out through a comprehensive background check and their offer is gone. Do not put the fate of your future income on a lie. I cannot stress this enough. A lot of students actively lie.
Secondly, the trick to getting a good internship is timing. A lot of you want until Nov - Dec to find an internship and then, throw your hands up when no one responds. That's not a good mindset. Solid internships are recruiting in end of July to August. By September, the amount of open spots are extremely thin. Local companies tend to look for internships during this time. Internships are about luck after that. Reach out to people in your circle to increase your odds. A referral goes a long way. Prior experience through projects that are complex and unique go a long way. It's a numbers game. Don't aim for the highest thing ever without some sort of referral. You can still apply but, do not expect much from it. Start small and work your way up. It's extremely rare to go from KSU undergrad sophomore to Google. It takes a lot of outside work. If you happen to land the internship, make sure that you get recommendations at the end. Having real people who you worked with in a professional capacity that can vouch for you is huge. If you're in your junior year and you get an internship, make sure you try to secure a full time offer. Loop in your boss, mentor, etc. Make your expectations clear. Reach their expectations and beyond.
Thirdly, full time opportunities are rare and most new grads that get hire come from the previous year's intern pool. If you don't get converted, you have to make up that time searching for a job during your senior year. If you do get converted, keep looking because companies are flaky these days. Always have a Plan B & C. Never fully count on Plan A. If you don't have internships across four years, it's over for you. From a hiring manager perspective, it's an absolute red flag when we come across someone with a degree and no internships. That's effectively going against the point of college. You'll have to settle for crumbs and crawl your way up. Very few make it out of that hole. Especially, now.

Searching for an Opportunity

Do not wait until after you graduate to find a job. Jan - Early May are when most companies finalize budgets and hire. If you wait until after May, you'll have to wait until after the Summer and possibly, October for hiring to pick up again. Proactivity is nothing but good for you. If you can't be proactive then, you won't succeed in this field. Referrals matter but, personal connections with the hiring manager / recruiter are much, much better. Work your way up. Don't discount an opportunity because it doesn't pay well. Get as much experience as you can and bounce around. Do not go into the gate thinking you're going to make $120K - $140K / yr out the gate. You're most-likely going to make $68K - $75K / yr depending on the location. Do not listen to LinkedIn posts that claim all this cool shit and how to do it. Trust me, it's bullshit. Don't pay attention to it. It's a brag-fest. It's a long road. Start walking on it early and you'll reach the other side when it matters most.
The reality of this economy is that highly experience people have been laid off. Those people are applying to entry level roles and those roles are being filled for cheap. In addition, watch out for fake postings and scam jobs. If you take a contract job, always keep looking. Avoid jobs that will providing "training" before you even start. Avoid jobs that are less than week old. You want things that are fresh. It's a numbers game. Apply for 300+ jobs every week until you get a response back. Don't be discouraged by employers who don't respond or ghost you. Keep at it. It's a mental game.

Conclusion

I think if you do these things, you'll end up at a great spot after four years. If you're just now coming across this and you've been slacking, use this an opportunity to wake the fuck up, light a fire under your ass and lock in. If you're still in denial after reading this post and you have yet to get anything, light a fire under your ass, come to terms with it and lock in.
If you're in it to do zero work, cheat on your classes, mess around for four years and somehow wing a high salary, good luck. You're fucked. You're so fucked, in-fact, that you'll be wondering "why me and why is it so hard" for a long ass time.

Cool Resources

Git - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvUiKWv2-C0
Github (use this as you portfolio; web devs should make an actual clean website) - https://github.com
Github Student Pack (tons of free resources) - https://education.github.com/pack
Linux Handbook - https://linuxhandbook.com/ Linux Quickguide - https://github.com/mikeroyal/Linux-Guide
Cool Linux-based Subreddit -
Understand: Kernel Space vs. User Space, Memory Allocation / Deallocation, Bitwise Operations, Memory blocks, processes and threads, context switching
System Design Primer - https://github.com/donnemartin/system-design-primer
Understand: Monolith vs. Micro-services, Tradeoffs between different approaches, Vertical vs. Horizontal Scaling, Load Balancers, Buckets, Data lakes, CI / CD Pipelines, Data Clusters, Client-Server Architecture, Synchronous vs. Asynchronous Context: System design is like a giant puzzle that has many forms. Create a basic design. It won't be perfect. Mix-and-match different services and know why, how and tradeoffs between each approach.
Programming language is dependent on the role and what the company favors. Common ones are Java, C++, Python, C#, JavaScript / TypeScript and C. You can look at jobs that you would like to work someday, look at the requirements and use that as a basis on where to start learning. Things constantly change. Fundamentals build up on each other. Start small. Work your way up. Do not dream big. Dream realistic. Everyone is different.

Hi!!! I’m here looking for a genuine relationship, or at least something that’s monogamous and long term. So if that sounds ideal then please read ahead!
I’ll start off with my personality, physical appearance then my interests.
I am pretty introverted, doesn’t mean I struggle with communication but I do ask that you give me something to reply to! But I’m fairly shy but I’m trying to put myself out there. I can be pretty talkative once I warm up to someone though and I like to joke around a lot.
Physically I am built pretty lean, I am 5’10, I weigh around 155, I have long brown hair and eyes, but I’m pretty skinny which I plan on working on.
When it comes to interests I have quite a bit that I like, one of my biggest things is music. I personally listen to like 2000s rock, my biggest bands ever are Foo Fighters and Red Hot Chili Peppers, but you’ll find me listening to Metallica or something on occasions.
I’m not too big on anime, but I’ve watched and enjoyed a few of them like Bleach, Soul Eater, Kengan Ashura, Jujutsu Kaisen, and Jojo’s. I would like to watch way more so I’d like some recommendations!
I also play video games, I’ve mostly spent my time on Roblox, which I’ve been on that since 2011, but I have had an interest to play Minecraft and Terraria as of late, I also have a pretty decent sized library on steam!
I have a few other small interests I do on occasions like drawing, cooking/baking, and I am planning to work out a lot more!
I’m trying to make this too lengthy, so I’ll close off soon, but I am mainly looking for anyone leaning more feminine, though I am ok with whoever I don’t mind, so feel free to message me still regardless.
One last thing too, please give me an introduction about yourself or at least try to be engaging because not doing that will feel like a chore responding, but besides that I do have discord which is my preferable way to talk, so feel free to ask for that, thanks for reading this though I look forward to meeting you!

I wanted to enable tpm 2.0 and secure boot on my computer to play valorant, but ran into an issue I can’t get myself out of. I went into my bios to enable tpm, went fine. Went over to enable secure boot and it said I needed to set a platform key and I read that factory defaults work fine, so I let it generate one (I think that’s how it works) and I thought I’d finished. After exiting bios and restarting computer, I know get the message “invalid signature detected. Check secure boot policy in Setup.” Whenever I try to make any changes in the boot section, I get the message “Secure boot configuration is locked down! Try again after system reboot.” But the reboot does not change anything. Any help is appreciated and please ask questions for more info if you need it. I have a b650 aorus ax gigabyte motherboard and a 7800X3D ryzen cpu. I have no opposition to wiping my whole pc if that’s what it takes, all my stuff is backed up on cloud

To me, this question is something I should know. I know the sun can make you not feel well, but what about causing pain in your small joints? I sat out in the late afternoon sun for about 30-45 minutes yesterday. I didn’t feel too bad, or worse than I normally do last night. This morning, my fingers from the smallest joint including all the finger joints hurt awful. My thumbs are so stiff. I have had trouble using my steering wheel and I had to take my daughter to an appointment 1.5 hours away from my house. Also, my wrists and elbows ache. My elbows will kinda lock up then with a snap become functional and my wrists snap/crack all the time. Usually not painful, today painful. Tonight, my fingers are swollen, to the point it makes it hard to fully extend them. This is slightly distressing me because I want to enjoy my summer, sitting outside. I live way up north in the US so seeing the sun is kinda rare, lol. I’ve been on Hydroxychloroquine since September 2023 and Methotrexate since December 2023. Maybe I see more days where my fingers are functional? I’m still tired, writing and typing still suck. Could this also mean my meds are not working for me and maybe making the sun not like me? I see the rheumatologist in a month and I am not fond of him. I’m a freaking nurse so you would think I’d get it. I don’t though. I’m cross-posting this to the other RA sub if you happen to see it again. TIA

I am back with another review for my holy grail - the AB lip balm-again, it’s gonna be a long post.
As I have mentioned again and again, the AB balm is the one to rule them all. It moisturizes, it removes my lip peeling, and prevents future peeling. It has a heavenly texture, and no matter how much you apply it to your lips, there is no pilling or white cast even after rubbing your lips together. Don’t get me started with how it feels on your lips, my lips feel sooooo pillowy (not sure if that’s a word). This has also been the first winter that my lips have not cracked or been painful dry…and it is this beautiful texture that is its downfall.
I was very excited when I found out that Augustinus Bader was coming with a color version of this lip balm with a collaboration with Sofia Coppola . It’s no exaggeration that I’ve been through at least 15 tubes of this lip balm. I keep one accesible at all time (purse, desk, by my bed, etc) … that’s how much I like it.
The version comes with a very cute colored strip at the base of the tube and colored logo at the top. On the inside of the tube, the letters are also highlighted with color. The change is minimal, but meshes well. Whoever was in charge, did a good job.
The AB balm texture continues to be its original buttery, and light formula. For reference, I chose the shade #1. Now, if you’ve ever used watery lip tints, you’ll know that they will settle into dry spots. For me it makes those dry spots a shade darker and make my lips overall, blotchy. Some also settle into your lip lines if you don’t blot them with your finger. This is exactly what the AB tinted balm does, it’s just that in this instance, it is its amazing formula that works against it. The color settles immediately on my lip lines, it is not a smooth even application of color that a lip stain like a Rare Beauty Lip Oil would give you . It also leave (hopefully this makes sense) an outline of color where the rounded edge of the lip balm touches my lip. Meaning that it leaves patches of colored lines on the outline of my lips. I’m disappointed, so disappointed. I REALLY REALLY wanted to love it, but I can’t…the only way to salvage it is to even it out with my fingers, but that defeats the purpose of an easy, no mirror application. If you are not careful with its application, you’ll look like a baby that’s learning how to eat and has food all around their lips after slurping spaghetti!!!
Now, this tinted balm did give me an idea. I felt that its texture would mesh well with a tint or stain. I have a lot of leftover AB tubes. I save them, scrape the leftovers at the bottom of the tube, melt and fill a little pot with it.
This time around, I dug through my lippies and chose my Cha Cha Benefit tint in “mango”. I melted all my lip balm leftover on a wax burner. I (generously, but did not measure it) poured the lip tint in the melted lip balm. This made the AB melted lip balm solidify a bit, but as soon as it warmed again, it melted and after stirring it, it combined beautifully. I did noticed that it solidified easily as soon as I pulled it away from the wax burner and so I had to work fast…and Voila!!! It turned soooooo goood! My hunch was right and my little experiment worked!
As soon as the leftovers from the pot I melted the lip balm on solidified, I tried it on. Guys, the melting process did not destroy its original texture (although I have yet to see how this mixture will work in a lip tube form). The color spreads smooth on my lips, no blotching or settling on my imperfections or dry lips, and with the cute color payoff!
So, with little extra work, I came with the best of both worlds! My favorite of all time lip balm, but with a “personal improvement”.
I do hope that in the future, Augustinus Bader will come with a similar product… and as soon as that happens, I will be getting my hand on them too!

I recently found a male singer that I really liked as he wrote a lot of songs about responsibility, growing up, coping with the world. But something was bugging me, and I realized that in every single song no matter what the subject matter is they included heavy handed lines about sex. And there is nothing wrong with that on the surface. Take, for example, songs about growing up like "ribs" by Lord which alludes to sex a few times. It works because sex is a part of growing up and it is handled with class. But this guy could be singing about the pressures of work and would work in a line about fucking. In another song he wrote a beautiful ballade about struggling with life but then meeting a woman and falling in love and it was beautiful how he was describing her but in the last lines of the song he drops a line complimenting how she looked on his dick.
I don't even mind guys singing about love or life and including sex when it's done in a classy way. My favorite singer is Hozier, and he alludes to sex a lot. But at least there is finesse. I can't stand how often male singers in the Indie/alter rock space will write these beautiful ballades but will drop a random "And she gags on my cock". Like you can't sing a single song just talking about her personality and what she brings to your life? Or at least sing about sex in a way that is romantic or personal? I don't even think this would be an issue for me if it wasn't so common. I don't even listen to most music produced by men anymore.
It just really bugs me how all media by and for men needs to be so focused on their dicks. Even horror movies produced by men or for men have to include sexy shots as the people are getting murdered. Like can they go a few hours at least without being so sex focused? Does anyone know a male singer that can make it through a single power ballad without getting horny?

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