Hello again. This will probably be my last post for a while!
He (31M) called it off, like he said he would, with his partner of 8 years. Seems pretty ok with it, accepted that it needed to happen and it was for the best, feels bad that he dragged me into it but ultimately feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders and he’s back to himself really. It’s quite nice as he’s now like who he was when we first met, fun, outgoing, caring etc rather than the closed off version of him he was when he was trying to sort it all out. Has a plan in place for weaning her off financial support, which will be going on for the next few months at least. He’s also said that it didn’t end amicably like he would’ve wanted, they’re in NC and some things were brought up and said from both sides. I do wonder if she found out about us, but I haven’t asked specifics because it’s not my business, I just needed to know if it was over for good or not, which it is.
We spent the week together last week. He stayed at mine for a few days, did some DIY for me at my house (I helped where I could), met some of my friends and then I went to his. It was awesome. He was so affectionate, finally didn’t have to keep it a secret, he had no problems showing me his life at home and some of his friends, cooked for me every day, holding my hand, kissing me, saying he loves me in public. It felt so freeing as we’ve had to hide it to when it’s just us together for 4 months.
So we’ve now both agreed that we’re seeing each other exclusively. He doesn’t want to “play the field”, despite just coming out of an 8 year relationship. He sees it going somewhere with me. I just want to see how it goes being opposite sides of the world for 5 weeks with limited contact due to work, and also how the long distance works as we live 5.5 hours away from each other, before going the whole hog and putting bf/gf labels on it, even though I understand that this is technically a relationship as it is now. I actually don’t mind the distance and I like that he’s not just there, if that makes sense. It makes me miss him and get more excited for when I do see him. I’ve not had this dynamic before, previous relationships I’ve seen almost all the time and it ended up really grating on me because I felt like I had no space. He makes time for me, face times me whenever he can, sends me voice notes saying he loves me when he’s with his friends etc, leaves social situations a bit earlier so he can ring me before bed etc, sends gifts in the post... it’s a different dynamic when he’s working, he’s not as available due to the nature of his job but he still maintains decent contact as a result of me expressing that I can’t do one text a day like he did with his ex, and he asked for me to give him a chance to change that behaviour and he has really been making an effort. Obviously, he brought up that it can’t go on like this forever, which I know, but it works for now and I have said I would be willing to move north eventually (I’m from the north anyway) but just want a year or so minimum to carry on with how my life is now. He understands that and also that I’m happy to do the 11 hour round drive for the foreseeable as it makes more sense than him coming south.
This is exactly what I wanted. Why do I feel this overwhelming sense of anxiety and the feeling I’m being taken for a fool? It’s like I think this is too good to be true so I’m waiting for something to go wrong. I don’t know why I feel like this. I notice he’s making a conscious effort to make communication more consistent, he gets me gifts, fixes things for me, arranges seeing each other, comes up with ideas for dates for when we do see each other etc etc. I think it’s very clear he means it when he says he loves me, and I can absolutely see it working, but for some reason I just am waiting for it to go wrong. I don’t know if it’s the relatively quick shift from having to keep everything secret to now not caring who sees and it being quite obvious that we’re dating? I also think he’ll get bored of me when I’m working on the other side of the world, even though he says he won’t and is already sorting his work schedule for when I can stay there as soon as I’m back in mid August. Also says that as long as we keep each other posted throughout the days so the other has messages to wake up to, send pictures and videos, the time difference shouldn’t matter too much, and some days one of us will be able to stay up late/get up earlier so we can video call. He’s also on a tour whilst I’m away, weekends will be difficult to communicate for us both as it’s weekend work, but the week days should be easier. He doesn’t think it will be a problem but I can’t shake it. I’m going to ruin it before I’ve even given it a real chance if I keep this mindset.
Has anyone else felt like this when they went exclusive? What helped you overcome it? Or just any general advice would be welcome! Thank you

I’ve had a crush on this guy 3 years ago. I liked him for a year, and then i ghosted him for 2 years, never spoke to him and totally forgot about him,but we still snapped. We snap there and now but he is very dry. I’ve tried sending full face pics but I just end up getting a wall. Recently I wished him a happy birthday, he hearted my message and said thank you. Sometimes I send him a snap, then he will respond and i will reply back and then i’m left on delivered for 20 hours. Our streak is usually lost by him. Btw to mention he is really shy and like dry. Anyways he’s had like the biggest glow up, and we were put in the same class for role class this year. I’ve tried to talk to him but i’m also really shy so it took a lot of courage. I showed him a picture of him of when we were friends, he kind of smirked and laughed and that was about it. Keep in mind he is really shy. I want to start talking again but I don’t know how to, like if i talk to him in real life it’s just weird because we don’t have any classes together and him and i are both really awkward and it’s so out of nowhere, same with texting like it’s just so out of the blue and i’m worried about his friends asking me about why i texted him. i really don’t know what to do.

So I'm still very new to the dating scene and had put myself out there on bumble. Matched with probably the most attractive man I've ever seen in my life. We texted for a while, shared some nsfw pictures and videos and that Linda stuff. But the thing that stood out the most was that our conversations were so clear and honest. We didn't text everyday, but quite often and would never end a conversation without saying that one of us needed to go or something like that. We recently finally let face to face and the vibes were amazing, I still enjoyed his personality, the way he looked and he even told me multiple times that he found me attractive and liked me. Things got hot and heavy and had amazing sex. We were supposed to have another date but we ended up not being able to. Since then he hasn't texted me first and when I finally texted him his responses were quite dry and he just didn't respond to my last text which was a question. I guess what I'm asking is, should take a hint? Should I ask if everything is okay? Should I wait?

This is a WALL of text. Read it or ignore it if you'd like to. I like putting opinions out there, and listening to what others have to say.
“Arsenal watching city going 1 up after hate watching”
I feel like I've never seen more fans hate watching while 0 Arsenal supporters do so.Spurs fans consistently hate watching when we got into the champions league.
Arsenal, when they were down to Luton, had so many hate-watchers. So many shitty fans calling us hate watchers, then watching every single city and arsenal game to try and clown us.
But I’ve never really seen Arsenal fans as hate watchers… There may be a couple of examples I haven’t seen, but from what I've seen our “Hate watching” has come down to seeing how interesting games can be. When City goes up 1, I try to keep watching (from NZ, so time zones are a bitch) because I like football and I’m interested. I got to 3-0 city vs Fulham before I fell asleep.
Just funny going onto twitter and reading chelsea fans saying ”CITTTEHHHHHH” n such. A bit of a guilty pleasure is reading idiotic posts on twitter.
The Social Media Fans
Social media fans are rampant and are now seen as “The fans of the club” which is insane, because 90% of them have never been to England, let alone a game. And will look at a scoreline/highlights to determine what they think, And look at a team’s name to determine what the result should be.
Trust, I’ve watched full games back from time to time, and goddamn the picture is soooooooo different, from watching highlights, or reading a timeline.
Not sure about certain supporters who live within England, and It may be “banter” but it gets tiring hearing “We all hate Arsenal fans” when you actively have so many more Chelsea, and United fans screaming in your ears about every little thing, while supporting their rivals…
I hate the “pray for (insert team)” but the more of a meme it becomes the better, it’s just sad that they come with some of the most delusional takes ever, from people who don’t pay attention to how other teams are performing. And that they’re not just “food” for us to eat, it’s a competitive league for a reason.
Supporting the Dominant Team
I also find it insane that such a large group of people would rather see a team, with 115+ charges (who have been constantly avoiding them), while also spending billions to win the league for the 6th time in 7 years, over a team which is having a rise to glory. Just because “It’s arsenal”. While if you look back a couple months, everyone is complaining about city.
Also when did the fact where everyone hates the dominant team, and wants to see others rising not become a thing? F1 had it with Hamilton, now verstappen. NZ rugby has it with the crusaders (absolute cunts btw), and it happened with Golden State in the NBA, and now the nuggets.
Clubs who talk about history to prove they’re better now
It’s so common I see fans talk about trophies as if they mean “We’re the best team in the world”, Chelsea fans are great at this, bringing back a champions league where they only have 3 of those players, and a completely different management and ownership.
I just hope that this is banter, and not actual delulu. Hard for me to tell, or even certain teams talking about european trophies (cough cough west ham *cough cough*), where it is amazing they got it, but bring a top 4 / 5 team, who wants to win that competition, and they’ll win it almost every time.
What defines big clubs to me is, how good is your club now, and how many fans around the world do you have. Man United has the fans, but the team quality due to injuries wouldn’t help them to be the “biggest club”. The reason Barcelona vs Real was so big was because they were the best in the world, with the best players, and the most fans. Barcelona are a smaller club now (still huge), because the names aren’t as big, and they aren’t as competitive as they used to be. But still will have a ton of fans.
Teams Succeeding???
For me, I don’t like spurs, the mentality, the supporters, the scummy tactics. But I do want to see the team succeed in the competition (I Also like Ange and his story). I’m happy Aston Villa is doing well, I’m happy Liverpool had a bounce back season, and I'm happy Newcastle have started to find their footing.
And this is because you want a competitive league. We DON’T want a Bayern situation. Everyone always wanted Dortmund to win it, or at least another team, and look at the celebrations now that Leverkusen has done it. Bundesliga got 5 champions league spots, not only because of what happened in the Champion league, but you have Bayern, Dortmund, Leverkusen, Stuttgart, Frankfurt, RB Leipzig all becoming more and more competitive. (Even though the disparity between 1-8 and 9-18 is big) it’s a step in a good direction.
Winning the League?
I’ve supported Arsenal since I was 7, because playing Fifa 12 with my older brothers, I thought the cannon was cool. I’ve been on and off for a while, but Arteta brought me back (And my degen phase of 4 hours of sleep has kicked in)
These years have taught me to never expect our team to win anything, till the final whistle of the final game. Very fucking sad, but it’s true. I will celebrate every win, Look back at every loss, watch every minute I can despite being sleep deprived, and love every moment, because I fucking love this club. I don’t care if we win the Premier league this season or not, I have no hope, but that could be my bleak outlook. But it was the same last season. I wait for the final whistle of the final game, then having the trophy or not, might give me a little more happiness.
But by far the most important thing for a depressed, mentally ill, sleep deprived, University student. Is when I see posts about the players, the club, the staff and the fans. And it makes me smile. As simple as seeing Gabriel and Saliba partnership being praised and them being “future” of Arsenal, makes me smile now, and gives me the moments of happiness which sadly, fade quickly. But they’re there.
Lastly PLEASE for the love of this club, never stop talking about the small cute things our players do, the celebrities involved, the nicknames we give our players, the new chants created. That character is what makes this club fucking beautiful.

Some context, and why these thoughts started. Im 18 and my dad killed himself a few months ago and although we had rough patches with his drinking and mental abuse he spent the last few months improving himself not drinking a sip and improving our relationship I selfishly didn’t put the same effort into fixing it and would see him maybe once a week sometimes went even longer and when I did it was short, he would always call and text and I’d ignore or keep it short. Long story short I don’t feel the right to live anymore after treating him like that and not being there he wanted to talk so bad the day it happened I told him I was busy at the store and would call him later by then it was too late, he had even sent a picture of him fake smiling and I brushed over it. I just want punishment for not being there in his final moments. The only reason I haven’t committed yet is because of my mom, and that my dad made sure to leave me insurance behind he always talked about it. Minus my ramblings I want an accident to happen to me or at least make my suicide look like one so my mom won’t weight it on anything she could’ve done and everyone can go on thinking I tried my best and they don’t have to carry any weight of it. Any ideas lmk.

AIO my boyfriend changed the password to his computer.
I feel like I need to give a little bit of background here so all of this makes sense, sorry this is gonna be a long one.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 6 months, we were dating or seeing each other for about 4 months before that, mind you, in the last 2 months of those 4 months we were seeing each I thought we were exclusive, he would call me his girl a lot of the times, spend all the holidays with me, made me face time with his dad, spend almost everynight at my house, damn I was even doing his laundry, so in my head we were officially dating, but then at the same time he was doing a lot of shit that made me extremely confused, never posting me on his socials, even hiding pictures that I tagged him, sometimes he would disappear for a couple of days and things like that. When I asked him what the hell he wanted and confronted him about all of this he always said that he wanted to be with me and that there was no one else and that I was over reacting (there was a lot of gaslighting yes, I’m aware) after those horrible 4 months of not knowing what the hell we were, we finally had a conversation and he did told me we were oficial, a week after this I found out he was texting daily with a girl who he dated at the beginning of last year, this girl lives in a different country (in her head they were in a relationship) I confronted him about this and he was extremely sorry that he wasn’t being honest we neither of us, that he didn’t know how to tell her that he was dating me, he ended up telling her the truth and that he wouldn’t be speaking to her anymore, he also was honest about how all those 4 months we were seeing each other he was talking to multiple girls, and even using tinder, he begged for another chance, that he was done fucking around cuz I was basically end game for him, and that he truly loved me, so I decided to forgive him, but there was something still bugging me, a few weeks before we were oficial he went on what apparently was a solo trip to another country, but I then found a girl who is a friend of his (I know who she is because we have friends in common too) was also at the same cities he was at the same time, damn she even starting posting pictures at the same places, I asked him about all of this and he just said that she was there with his boyfriend and that they just hang out sometimes, this for whatever reason never made sense to me, but I decided to believe him. Fast forward all this months every single time there was some kind of fight about me not trusting him or whatever and I asked about that trip he kept saying the same, that he went by himself and nothing else and that was the truth. We then move in together and he’s been a 10/10 boyfriend since we made it oficial, hasn’t give me a reason at all to suspect about him being unfaithful, he’s been nothing but amazing. I knew the password to his laptop so I could watch Netflix and I couldn’t help one day to look through his pictures, because deep down in me I knew he was lying about that trip, turns out I was right and I found all the photos, they did not only went on the trip together, they stayed at the same room hotel, she even stayed at his house in the same bed I used to sleep the night they left, I was absolutely heart broken, I confront her him about this, I wasn’t only mad about him going with the girl, I was mad about him not telling me the truth from the beginning, and him lying non stop every single time I asked, he told me he was sacred to tell me the truth because he knew I would leave him, that he regrets going on that trip, he swears that nothing really happened, that they actually got into a fight because she wanted to sleep with him and he didn’t want to, so the girl felt like he made her waste her time, they haven’t spoken since that trip and that was it, he swore they were no more lies and that was it, of course I do not believe the whole story but I kinda decided to let it go because it happened before we were oficial, this shit did fucked me up and made me a very insecure person tbh. Now since we’ve been oficial like I said he hasn’t given me a reason to suspect anything else, he’s been an amazing boyfriend, loves me deeply, treats me great, we have the best time together, and he talks a lot about how this is end game form him, that he knows he fucked up at the beginning a lot and that he’s extremely sorry for all that and wish he could take all back, he has made a great effort all this months to show me he is not messing around with me anymore, he has truly changed and I am head over heels over this boy, obviously but I don’t know how to learn to trust and is destroying me I don’t wanna feel paranoid forever… So here’s the situation I’m dealing with now.. after I found the photos on his laptop, I kept looking every now and then (yes I know this is bad but I’m extremely scared to be lied again) I haven’t found anything else other than him looking at porn every now and then which I honestly dgaf, I guess he realized I was looking into his computer so he started deleting his search history, never said anything and well I kept looking into it to see if I ever found something, but suddenly he changed the password to his computer,hasn’t said anything’s and acts completely normal.. and this made me feel extremely insecure, cuz I don’t know if he’s just tired of me looking into it or if he’s hiding something. So I don’t know if should just let it go and learn to trust him without having to look at his stuff, or if I should have a conversation with him that I need an open phone policy or something so I can build trust again? I have never been someone to look into my partners stuff, but I also have only been in relationships were there was never any unfaithfulness, I had always has access to my ex- BF phone or whatever because they never really had anything to hide, I knew all passwords and everything same on my side I never have an issue with my partner grabbing my phone or knowing my passwords to stuff because well, they will not find anything strange nor did I care if they wanted to use my phone . Please help, I love this boy with all my heart and I know he loves me too, but I’m scared that my insecurities will fuck this relationship up, I wanna learn to trust him but I don’t know what the best route is

Selling
Timestamp
Please PM and comment with questions/more pictures Thanks!
Built Iron165 R2 graphite: 495$
Build includes:
Millmax'd ANSI PCB with Lubed epsilons, pom plate and TX stabs (r3)
Stainless steel weights & badges
GMK Modern Dolch 2 if desired.
Condition on keyboard itself is spotless, keycaps have noticeable shine.
Comes with: Aluminum plate, forged carbon fiber plate.
Extra original ANSI PCB, original black alu weight and badge, carrying case.
Have a lovely day :)

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I can’t find it anywhere on google. But as a child (in the U.K., in the 1990s) I had a picture book about an older couple who lived in a bottle. In my head, I have it that they were called Mr and Mrs Vinegar, but when I have searched for this, nothing matches the book I had.
It had very whimsical illustrations that were in colour, probably painted with watercolour, and were very detailed. What I loved about it was the cross section of their home (similar to Brambly Hedge). I’ve always been reminded of the book when playing Professor Layton games too. Just… similar vibes.
I don’t remember the plot, other than they had to move/decided to move (I think it was too small for them?) and then they eventually moved into another bottle in the end.
I think it was a paperback, but that’s not 100%. I also think it was white or cream coloured on the spine, but again, not 100%. It was wider than it was tall, and it wasn’t a massive book. Not sure on the dimensions, but it wasn’t a long read, and it was maybe around 8” tall, 12” wide (very rough guess)?
Important: it is DEFINITELY NOT “The Story of Mr and Mrs Vinegar” by Stephen Gammell, “Mr and Mrs Vinegar” by David Pryle, “English Fairy Tales” by Flora Annie Steel (illustrated by Arthur Rackham), “The Old Woman who Lived in a Vinegar Bottle” by Rumer Godden and Mairi Hedderwick, “Veronica who Lived in a Vinegar Bottle” by Sue Whiting and Steve Axelsen, or “Mr and Mrs Vinegar” by Euan Cooper-Willis.
It’s entirely possible that vinegar isn’t in the title or the text of the book at all. But they definitely were a couple who lived in a bottle of some sort! Any help would be greatly appreciated.

It’s been 8 months since he broke up with me over text. The relationship was abusive, he lied to me, cheated on me and manipulated me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
He got a new girlfriend almost instantly. He’s gone and put her all over his socials. He blocked me on Snapchat but not Instagram which is weird. Some people say he’s done that on purpose to get a rise out of me. He never made me his profile picture. We were together two years.
I ended up on a psych ward because of the abuse not that he knows that. I deleted insta off my phone and I’ve stayed off it once I saw his new gf.
I just don’t know how to move forward. It’s like I want him and his parents to know how badly he hurt me but they probably wouldn’t care.

Hi, a few months ago I (16f) was in an online relationship with a guy (23m) who I met in an online video game. We were together for 5 months. He was very kind in the first month, but then he started to get really angry and yell at me a lot. He would also accuse me of cheating on him almost daily. After he started to show this behavior, I decided to end the relationship, but then he told me he had bipolar disorder, and that this was the reason he would get so angry. I asked him why he hadn’t told me this sooner, and he told me that he was scared I would break up with him for it. After this, I took him back. When I asked him what bipolar disorder was, he told me that it was a multiple personalities disorder, and that whenever he would get angry, he would blackout and wouldn’t remember anything that happened during the time that he was angry. But I found that every time he would come out of his angry state, he would miraculously remember everything that happened. I think he may have lied about what bipolar disorder was though, or maybe even lied about having it so he could excuse his abusive behaviour because shortly after I broke up with him, I looked up what bipolar disorder was. There was no mention of bipolar having anything to do with multiple personalities.
Anyway, back to the story. After a few months of constant minipulation and blackmail, I eventually got sick of it and tried to look for an escape. I initiated breakup multiple times, but every time, he would either threaten to hire someone to kill my family as he knew where I lived, threaten to post private photos of myself, make me feel bad about something, or he would threaten to kill himself. Now, before you say “Why didn’t you block him on everything?” Trust me, I did. But this wouldn’t stop him. He would just text or call my brothers and manipulate me through them, or he would spam my mums Xbox account with messages when she was online, and I didn’t want her to get involved so I would just unblock him. Every time he would threaten me, I would tell him that I didn’t mean what I said and that I still wanted to be with him. But eventually, being with him started to take a huge toll on my mental health. I started to act in ways that I never did before. I would throw temper tantrums every time he would text in the morning, letting me know that he was awake. I would punch the floor repeatedly as hard as I could whenever he called. I became extremely sensitive and cried over the dumbest reasons. My brother ate all my muffins and I bawled my eyes out. I never cry over things like that. Being with him was litterally driving me crazy.
And so, I planned on breaking up with him as soon as I moved countries, which was only a month away. On the day of my flight, I ghosted him. I was scared that he would post private pictures of myself online, but i ghosted him anyway because I was genuinely going insane being with him. After a few days, I forgot just how much I hated being with him, and out of fear and guilt I apologised for ghosting him and we got back together. I instantly regretted this when I woke up the following morning. He was nice again for about a day, but then he started to go back to his usual behavior. At this point, I hated myself and would have done anything to go back in time and not apologise to him, but of course that’s impossible. All I could do was wait for the right moment. I waited for him to say something. Something so bad that he couldn’t possibly make me feel bad about breaking up with him. And of course, that didn’t take long at all.
We were in the middle of a game, and my dog was hungry so I left to go feed her, he got angry. Later that night, he heard her yelp in pain (I think someone stepped on her paw?) and these were his exact words; “Was that Luna? Oh good. She’s dying. Now you won’t have to feed her anymore.” I asked him to repeat what he had just said, and he did as asked. I calmly left the game that we were in and I hung up the phone. He was very angry and instantly texted me, saying that I would regret it if I didn’t call him back immediately. But I didn’t care. I was way too angry to care. After he realised that I wasn’t going to call him back and that I was breaking up with him, his mood suddenly changed and he instantly started apologising and tried to make me feel guilty like he usually did. It was Wednesday when this happened, and every Wednesday he would spend time with his family and go out somewhere. He used this to try and make me feel guilty. “Wednesday is the only time I get to spend with my family, and you are taking it away from me! I can’t go out when I’m crying this much!” He said something along the lines of this. (Which is ridiculous of him to say, as he would literally make me spend every single minute of every single day day with him, and would get angry if I wanted to spend time with my family. For example; when my dad wanted to take me and my brothers on a 2 day holiday to the beach one last time as a goodbye present, he got very angry and said that he wanted my dad dead. I still went anyway, by the way.) I just laughed when he said this. I was so happy. Maybe the happiest I had been in my whole life. Possibly even the happiest person in the world at that moment. But not because he ‘couldn’t spend time with his family’, but because I knew that this time, we surely wouldn’t get back together. After a few days, he stopped texting me and eventually gave up. Finally, freedom!
But to this day I still wonder; was I wrong? If he really did have bipolar like he said he did and couldn’t control what he said or did when he was angry, would that make me wrong for leaving him?

Hi kind Redditors and Artists, I'm a newbie trying to figure out stuff and this is my problem.
I'm following my first blender tutorial to learn keys and stuff. This one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0J27sf9N1Y&t=424s&ab_channel=BlenderGuru
The tutorial shows that, by selecting the camera and, in its properties, toggling "Camera to View", you can then move the camera with your view, while on camera view.
The problem is:

• When I'm OUT of the camera view and I move the "normal" view with the middle mouse click, the view moves centered on an object (Suzanne the monkey, the only one I have at the moment).
• When I'm IN the camera view, and I use the middle mouse click to rotate around the object or the shift+middle click to pan, the view DOES NOT move centered on the object. Instead it moves as if it is centered on the camera itself, making it tilt like a normal camera on a fixed tripod.
• Selecting the object with "Lock to Object" in the camera properties doesn't change anything.

Even other tutorials show that, simply selecting "camera to view", without the "lock to object", should be sufficient, but... it's not?
Like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=targLPsL2Ao&t=108s&ab_channel=BlenderBaseCamp
I'm stumped. Could be handy to have the camera locked to an object while moving it, but it doesn't work.
Also, in the NORMAL view, I find myself struggling since the view it's ALWAYS locked on an object. Is there a way to make the view not locked to any object? Maybe to the center of the scene, for example?
I have the latest Blender, 4.1, and I have (not by my choice) a Mac.
Thank you very much for your help.
I will try to post some pictures in comment, since Reddit doesn't make me post pictures AND text in the post. Don't know why.

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Preface: This is for Vedic, Sidereal Astrology.
This took a super long time to finish, but I've finally reached a point where I think I'm done trying to improve it. This part will focus more on how Purva Bhadrapada manifests for individuals.
Nature
Purva Bhadrapada reminds me a lot of Kali Yuga. In Hindu cosmology, Kali is the final of the four ages that the world goes through as part of a continuous cycle of creation, maintenance, and dissolution. It is the final stage before the onset of a new cycle, promising the destruction of the old order and the eventual merging of all into a unified whole. It signifies a time of dual balance before dissolution of individual identities and the reunification of all existence with the divine source. This can be viewed as being similar to the process of individual death, but it is on a universal scale. Kali Yuga is considered the age of darkness and moral decline, where spiritual values deteriorate and materialism prevails. According to Hindu scriptures, Kali Yuga is characterized by widespread social, political, and moral corruption, as well as a decline in virtue and Dharma (righteousness). It is believed that, during this age, human beings face numerous challenges and spiritual tests, and the pursuit of higher consciousness becomes increasingly more difficult compared to the previous Yugas. Just as Kali Yuga tests individuals with challenges to their spiritual resolve amidst the prevailing degeneration of values, Purva Bhadrapada is a cosmic stage where one's truest nature is tested through the weakening separation of the spiritual and the material. Here, individuals are made to confront their deepest fears and desires, burdened with the challenge of facing their true nature and purifying their souls. The emphasis of this nakshatra lies in releasing attachments amidst the seduction of outer freedom and power, mirroring the spiritual trials inherent to Kali Yuga. Yet, despite challenges of degeneration, there exists a unique opportunity during the stages of both Kali and Purva Bhadrapada. Kali is believed to be the best time for spiritual progress and true liberation because individuals can attain spiritual growth more rapidly due to the intensity of the challenges they face during this period, and the same is true of Purva Bhadrapada nakshatra. Both Kali and Purva Bhadrapada emphasize the importance of transcending mundane concerns and dedicatedly seeking spiritual truth amidst the backdrop of pervading ignorance.
The primary nature of Purva Bhadrapada is that of penance and disequilibrium. Purva Bhadrapada is the stage of evolution where individuals are made to undergo intense internal transformation and dissolution, shedding layers of their being in preparation for spiritual renewal and divine return. This process of metamorphosis can be seen as a type of penance, whether embraced willingly or thrust upon them. It offers eventual rewards as they journey towards enlightenment. As the primary nature of Purva Bhadrapada revolves around penance and transformation, individuals heavily influenced by this Nakshatra are oriented towards personal introspection and societal purification, viewing their lives as both a personal quest for growth and an opportunity to contribute to something greater. Individually, they seek to cleanse themselves of past transgressions and strive for spiritual redemption, and they feel personally responsible for their impact on others. At a broader societal level, they are driven by a strong sense of justice and a duty to rectify societal wrongs of the past and present in order to contribute to the collective upliftment and purification of their community. As such, they often subject themselves and others to extreme physical, mental, and spiritual challenges. They are presented with a kind of spiritual trial of sacrifice: either they can willingly embrace self-denial and endure while remaining detached, or they can create so much desire and fear that it causes them to lose the direction of their souls in the process. While the primary manifestation of Purva Bhadrapada energy is inwardly focused on cultivating self-discipline and perfection, oftentimes to an unhealthy degree, sometimes the focus can instead shift outward. This is where Purva Bhadrapada gains a lot of its infamy; Purva Bhadrapada is revered as one of the most "difficult" and "intense" nakshatras among Vedic astrologers. It is an asterism that gets approached with trepidation due to its somber imagery and associations with themes of violence, debauchery, and malevolence. The negative traits linked to Purva Bhadrapada, such as paranoia, pessimism, and hedonism, contribute to its daunting reputation. And for the most part, the fear of this nakshatra is justified. Not only are these individuals capable of doling out punishment themselves through various means like violence, manipulation, curses, etc., but they can also inadvertently bring out the self-destructive or uncontrolled nature of others. They are the types to cause deep introspection and confrontation with one's own shortcomings and fears, often acting as catalysts for irreversible transformation of character.
In terms of Purva Bhadrapada's inherently unbalanced nature, the trajectory is quite clear. These natives are not the type to do anything in moderation and often have an unstable demeanor and sense of self. They will always be pulled towards the polar extremes of anything, but they can flip on their values rapidly following any transformative event. They may occupy the deepest levels of material saturation, completely lost in chasing fame, drugs, sex, and uncontained immoral activities. Yet, paradoxically, they can also find themselves drawn to the heights of spiritual austerity, sometimes even at the same time they are trying to maximize their material standing. This innate propensity for extremes and contradiction manifests in every aspect of their lives, from their relationships, to their goals, to their beliefs, and to their actions. They are esteemed for their amiable disposition, characterized by warmth, thoughtfulness, and a selfless inclination to assist others without seeking acknowledgment. Yet, concurrently, they are often perceived as self-serving, prone to bouts of ill temper, and housing a proclivity towards ego-centricity. Despite appearing outwardly normal a lot of the time, they can be very eccentric. They are the types to lead clandestine lives, harboring secrets and maintaining hidden facets of their personalities and activities, even to those closest to them. This can make them seem nefarious and untrustworthy. Sometimes this is the case, but despite having a reputation for deceit, many of them are known to be sincere and honorable. Yet, underlying however they are being perceived is a deeper struggle to fully identify with anything. This challenge leads to inner conflicts and uncertainties, as they grapple with their sense of self and their place in the world. They are up and down, left and right, constantly in a state of internal conflict that leaves them questioning who they really are. They can feel like they don't know themselves while still being hyper-individualistic and defensive over whatever their current sense of identity is, even though it is likely to change. These contradictions reveal the complexity of their psyche, where outer appearances often mask inner conflicts and contradictory emotions and experiences. Purva Bhadrapada natives navigate the space where boundaries are starting to blur, reflecting the burgeoning singularity of existence in their minds. Due to this, sometimes they can seem like walking contradictions, embodying multiple clashing characteristics at once. For example, while they may harbor a sense of superiority over others, they can also experience deep-seated insecurity and jealousy. They can like to be critical, but cannot handle criticism. Additionally, they might demonstrate a strong desire for independence and self-reliance, yet simultaneously crave validation and approval from those around them. These conflicting traits contribute to their complex and enigmatic nature, making them intriguing yet challenging individuals to understand to others and themselves.
Purva Bhadrapada's inclination towards extremes extends to their pursuit of goals, as they approach certain tasks with unwavering ambition and dedication. They set high standards and are willing to push themselves to extreme limits to get what they want. This relentless drive for perfection and attainment can sometimes lead them to engage in behaviors that are harmful to the well-being of themselves or others, as they struggle to find balance and moderation. At this point, you may be asking, "how is that penance if they are only striving to selfishly get what they want?" Well, the painful truth about this is that they do not really want these things. They are told by others ignorant to their situation that they will be happy when they achieve some kind of abstruse goal set forth for them by society, and they are sent on a goose-chase of material ambition to achieve happiness, but this inevitably only leads to further dissatisfaction. They are met with pain, humiliation, and harsh transformation, but they keep pushing towards their aspiration of material fulfillment. It is only when they get that job, marry that partner, become famous, etc. that they realize it does not bring them happiness or fill them with the sense of purpose they crave. In fact, this realization often leads to intense anger as they confront the worthlessness of what they spent all their time chasing. The journey through Purva Bhadrapada is undeniably arduous, but that is to be expected with such a potent force. They are called to transcend their attachments, lest they be forcefully ripped away. They begin to grapple with an inescapable emptiness they feel when interacting with the world, and this can often lead them to deep feelings of nihilism. Purva Bhadrapada natives are predisposed to being unhappy, and this is not a shallow kind of unhappiness that fades based on external circumstances. Rather, it is a deeply existential depression– a feeling of confused worthlessness and dissatisfaction they often battle with for the duration of their lives. Their experiences and attachments become increasingly burdensome as they grow more aware of the fleeting nature of life. These natives will openly acknowledge the impermanence of worldly intentions, and while this can be both good or bad, it ultimately makes their minds unpredictable and unstable. With the recognition that nothing lasts forever, a new philosophy can be used to justify any action according to moral relativism. If nothing matters in the grand scheme – where whatever you do will eventually fade into obscurity, wiped away with the start of a new cycle – then anything you do doesn’t really matter in the end. This gives these natives a sense of untouchability, a feeling to do whatever they please at their most uninhibited. And it is in this stage of recognizing one’s freedom to do whatever they want is that the test to discern their one’s nature begins. When there is total freedom, the only real concern becomes about what one chooses to do with their freedom. After all, the only harm that can come from doing what you want is ultimately the result of wanting to do something harmful. Sadly, the reality is that most people are not strong enough to fully resist the temptation of evil and would fail this test. It is for this reason that this trial is exclusively administered to individuals who possess a high level of spiritual advancement found under Purva Bhadrapda. Regardless of the difficulties they face, those governed by Purva Bhadrapada have tremendous inner strength and personal resilience, which often manifests in worldly and spiritual achievement and prosperity in various facets of their lives.
Individuals born under the influence of the Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra are inherently inclined towards detachment from external influences. This detachment often leads them down two distinct paths. Some choose to embrace a life unbound by societal norms, driven solely by their inner convictions. These individuals seek to experience life to the fullest, embracing both its joys and challenges. However, if they feel unfulfilled, they may turn to darker pursuits in search of excitement. Conversely, others utilize their detachment for spiritual advancement, renouncing materialism in favor of a disciplined quest for higher truths. In both cases, detachment becomes a defining trait, shaping their lives in divergent yet meaningful ways. Whether they become revolutionary leaders or appear lazy due to their selective motivation, their actions are stirred only by what truly invigorates their souls. Their inner character often changes with time. They can start out seeming quite innocent and fragile, and a lot of the time they will have something about them that invites torment, be it their big and eccentric personalities, their height, their weight, their looks, etc. This often leads people to perceive them as different and vulnerable. Unfortunately, this vulnerability often attracts individuals who seek to exploit, victimize, or corrupt them. There's a noticeable pattern of others attempting to take advantage of their perceived weakness, whether it be through just trying to make them feel bad, manipulating them, coercing them to do things they do not want to, or forcing them to be alone by treating them as outcasts. This predatory behavior can leave these individuals feeling isolated, betrayed, and miserable, further fueling their inner turmoil and sense of disillusionment with the world around them. However, this also serves to strengthen them. During the course of their lives, they will experience a series of external transformations that will change who they are. While their soft and innocent demeanor may still be present in some ways, there will be a new darker side to their nature. The inner transformations that Purva Bhadrapada natives undergo change them into stronger, more hardened versions of themselves. This alteration can manifest in tendencies towards violence, aggression, deceit, manipulation, etc., yet at the same time, it also equips them with the strength and capability to protect others when needed. As they navigate the complexities of life, they become formidable forces, possessing the resilience and detachment to confront challenges head-on along with the capacity to wield their strength for both good and evil.
Purva Bhadrapada natives exhibit a curious mix of flippancy and seriousness, often displaying a casual attitude towards many topics yet simultaneously exuding an air of solemnity in regards to topics concerning things like philosophical and existential inquiries. They possess a keen intellect characterized by innovation and depth of gnosis, which lends to their excellence in fields like science and research. Additionally, they are known to have an insatiable thirst for knowledge and information gathering brought about by a powerful yearning for deeper truth. While they may have a religious inclination, their focus lies more on unraveling the essence of spirituality rather than adhering rigidly to dogma. As a result of their approach to religion, they can sometimes be critical of conventional religious practices, which rely heavily on dogmatic rules and rituals. These natives are generally liberal and disdain hypocrisy as well as superficiality, valuing authenticity and depth in both thought and action, regardless of how much it clashes with anything else. Despite their show of outward confidence, they often wrestle with inner self-doubt and a crippling fear of failure, which leaves little room for optimism when they are faced with setbacks. While they typically prefer to be alone, they may inadvertently rely on others when seeking to escape the monotony of their everyday lives. This can make them seem unreliable or inconsistent when it comes to their relationships. They are driven by an innate desire to transcend mediocrity and to be perceived as exceptional. This drive for superior distinction stems from underlying feelings of insecurity and a fear of judgment, compelling them to constantly push the boundaries and strive for success through originality in all aspects of their lives. In their personal relationships, Purva Bhadrapada natives may struggle to balance their need for independence with their desire for connection. Generally, in their interactions with others, Purva Bhadrapada natives are intense yet detached. Despite their desire for authenticity and closeness in relationships, they may struggle to express their openly, fearing rejection or misunderstanding. This internal conflict between their need for connection and their fear of vulnerability can create barriers to intimacy, causing them to retreat through self-imposed isolation. Additionally, their critical nature and high standards can sometimes alienate others, as they can come across as overly judgmental or demanding of their fitness, partners, colleagues, etc. They value depth and sincerity in relationships, but sometimes it can be too much to where they end up pushing others away with their intensity. Despite these challenges, they are still often very empathetic and understanding, and they can offer support to people when needed.
Before I get into the padas, I want to give some examples. I do not want to go into much detail or take up too much time with this, but given the very complicated nature of this nakshatra, I feel that it is necessary to provide media representations for people to look into if they are interested in knowing more about how it manifests: Martin Scorsese PB Moon and Andrew Garfield PB ASC (Silence Official Trailer (2016) - Paramount Pictures), Billie Eilish PB ASC (Billie Eilish - bury a friend (Official Music Video)), Jack Black PB Moon (School of Rock (2003) Trailer #1 Movieclips Classic Trailers), Dylan O'brien PB Moon (AMERICAN ASSASSIN - Official Trailer - HD (Dylan O'Brien, Michael Keaton), Logan-Marshall Green (Upgrade Trailer #1 (2018) Movieclips Trailers), Paul Walker PB Moon (Hours TRAILER (2013) - Paul Walker Movie HD), Bill Skarsgard PB Moon (The Crow - Official Trailer (2024) Bill Skarsgård, FKA twigs, Danny Huston), Olivia Wilde PB Sun (A VIGILANTE Official HD International Trailer Starring Olivia Wilde) & (The Lazarus Effect Official Trailer #1 (2015) - Olivia Wilde, Mark Duplass Movie HD), John Stamos PB ASC (John Stamos Stars in "Secrets of Eden" Lifetime), Hozier PB Sun (the lyrics and imagery of this video are extremely Purva Bhadrapada) Hozier - Take Me To Church), Kaya Scoledario PB Sun (Spinning Out Official Trailer Netflix), Ryan Gosling PB ASC (THE FALL GUY Official Trailer 2 (Universal Studios) - HD), Camila Mendes PB Moon (Do Revenge Official Trailer Netflix), Bryan Cranston PB Sun (Breaking Bad Trailer), Sabrina Carpenter PB Moon and Milo Manheim PB Sun (Sabrina Carpenter - Feather (Official Video) Alexandra Daddario PB Sun (Anne Rice's Mayfair Witches Trailer: Starring Alexandra Daddario AMC+), Jacob Elordi PB Moon (2 HEARTS Official Trailer (2020) Jacob Elordi, Tiera Skovbye), Tom Blyth PB Moon (Billy The Kid (EPIX 2022 Series) Official Trailer), Daniel Gillies PB Sun (COMING HOME IN THE DARK Trailer (2021) Daniel Gillies Suspense Thriller Movie), Matthew Gray Gubler PB Sun (KING KNIGHT Trailer (2022) Angela Sarafyan, Matthew Gray Gubler), Jon Hamm (Corner Office (2023) Official Trailer - Jon Hamm, Danny Pudi, Sarah Gadon), Rachel Weisz PB Sun + Moon and Sam Claflin PB Moon (MY COUSIN RACHEL Official Trailer FOX Searchlight), Chris Pine PB Moon (Jack Reacher Movie Trailer), Madison Beer PB Sun (Madison Beer - Make You Mine (Official Music Video), Sharon Stone PB Sun (Basic Instinct - Trailer (1080p)), and Michael Jackson PB Moon (Michael Jackson - Thriller (Official 4K Video).
Padas
(mostly for Moon) They all tend to be skinny to middle weight until they get older, where they either become more muscular or plump/curvy.
1st – The first pada of Purva Bhadrapada, falling in the Aries Navamsa, signifies a stage of primal energy and raw ambition. With Mars as their guiding force, they exhibit a relentless drive to achieve their goals, refusing to be deterred by obstacles or setbacks. However, being the initial pada of the nakshatra just leaving the stage of Shatabhisha, this quarter is the least spiritually developed. While they may possess great worldly ambition and the capacity for success, they may also be prone to ego-driven actions and an overly narrow focus on material pursuits. They can get into occultism or spirituality, but it is usually an attempt to further themselves in the material realm. Natives born under this pada possess a combative nature, always ready to engage in confrontations to defend their beliefs or assert their dominance. They tend to be more mentally aggressive than physically, but nonetheless their volatile temperament can lead to physical disputes as well when they are provoked enough. They know they can be very damaging when they lose control, so they will do everything in their power to prevent escalation. Ironically, this can make them seem passive. They typically exhibit anxious tendencies while attempting to conceal or downplay their feelings of worry. Natives of this pada are extremely passionate, but they have a tendency to constantly compare themselves to others, which ultimately can lead them to disregard their efforts to focus on surpassing someone else's. This propensity of theirs for aggression, envy, and competitiveness can strain relationships and hinder their personal growth, as they become consumed by their own desires for dominance and validation. They are usually medium tall with a wide forehead and low eyebrows.
2nd – The second pada of Purva Bhadrapada, ruled by Venus in the Taurus Navamsa, embodies a stage of sensual indulgence and creative expression. Individuals born under this pada are drawn to the occult and mysteries of the unseen, often delving into practices such as astrology and black magic. There is a bit of detachment from the mysticism of it at this stage though. They may prefer to look at it through a scientific or philosophical perspective as opposed to one that embraces faith in the divine. While their interest in these esoteric realms may lead to proficiency in such arts, it also heightens their propensity to lose track of their life's direction, becoming absorbed in the pursuit of hidden knowledge and power. Natives of this pada are characterized by their attractive physique, with beautiful broad teeth and strikingly captivating eyes that draw others to them. They possess an innate charm that makes them highly appealing to the opposite sex, and they are not hesitant to indulge in their darker desires and fantasies. Their creativity knows no bounds, as they constantly innovate and explore new avenues of expression. However, despite their magnetic allure and creative flair, individuals of this pada are prone to indulgence and excess, particularly when it comes to satisfying their sensual appetites. Their pursuit of pleasure and gratification can sometimes lead them astray, causing them to lose sight of their responsibilities and priorities. This stage of Purva Bhadrapada is more spiritually evolved than the prior, but it is still in the accumulation phase of Aquarius and the 11th house. Despite their outward charm, they may struggle to find stability and balance in their lives. They are prone to accidents.
3rd – The third pada of Purva Bhadrapada falls in the Gemini Navamsa and is ruled by Mercury. Natives born under this pada embody the mental side of Purva Bhadrapada, which is very focused on cultivating critical reasoning and gathering information, emphasizing communication, learning, and adaptability. Individuals born under this pada are intellectually inclined, constantly seeking to expand their knowledge and understanding of the world around them. They are playful and curious by nature, approaching life with a sense of wonder and exploration. Their energy is expressed through communication and expression, as they excel in articulating their thoughts and ideas. They have a natural gift for language and may find success in fields such as writing, teaching, or public speaking. Despite their playful demeanor, they are still very serious about their pursuits, driven by a deep-seated desire for personal growth and self-improvement. Natives of this pada tend to be peaceful and honorable, seeking harmony and balance in their interactions with others. However, their mercurial nature can sometimes manifest as manipulation or deceit, particularly when they perceive it necessary to achieve their goals. Nonetheless, they are skilled at navigating social situations and may possess a knack for making money through their cleverness and resourcefulness. In terms of appearance, individuals of this pada may have gaunt lower cheeks, high cheekbones, a narrow and defined jawline, and a medium stature. These physical characteristics complement their sharp wit and agile minds, making them engaging in social settings.
4th – The fourth pada of Purva Bhadrapada is ruled by the Moon in Cancer Navamsa. This is the most spiritually advanced of all the padas and tends to be among the most intense. At this stage, individuals born under this pada have either undergone profound inner transformation, shedding their attachment to worldly desires and material gains for the sake of aligning with the cosmic order, or they have fallen for the empty temptations of material life, leading them to a deeper state of moral decay. This pada in the sequence of this nakshatra symbolizes the finalization of death, and just like when we die, the impact of our lives can no longer be altered. You are called to surrender all you have acquired to the purifying flames of the spiritual fire, relinquishing personal benefit for the greater good, and if you fail, your soul will be lost to another cycle of rebirth. This represents the height of the nakshatra's power to manifest, it can come to be either an uplifting force for individuals and humanity as a whole, or as a potentially dangerous influence. Those born under this pada are deeply engaged in their own spiritual pursuits, usually guided by a sense of purpose and higher calling. They possess an innate magnetism and power that exerts influence over others and the world around them. Despite the intensity of their spiritual journey, individuals of this pada tend to enjoy good longevity and robust health, thanks to their deep connection with the cosmic energies. They are often perceived charismatic individuals, drawing others to them with their presence. However, their innate power comes with a responsibility to wield it wisely, as they hold the potential to bring about significant positive change or destruction, depending on how they choose to channel it.
Caste
Purva Bhadrapada belongs to the Brahmin or priestly/scholarly caste. This classification is based on the inherent qualities and tendencies of individuals born under this nakshatra, rather than their family lineage, as seen in contemporary caste systems. In Vedic astrology and Hindu tradition, each nakshatra is associated with as caste, thereby linking them to specific attributes, occupations, and societal roles. Brahmin is positioned as the highest caste and is given the most power and responsibility, both socially and spiritually. In classical texts, the Brahmin caste is exalted for its dedication to scholarship, spirituality, and moral rectitude. Brahmins are depicted as the keepers of sacred knowledge, entrusted with the preservation and dissemination of ancient scriptures and teachings. They are revered for their intellectual prowess, philosophical insights, and commitment to upholding the highest ethical standards. Brahmins are expected to lead lives of austerity, simplicity, and self-discipline, setting examples of virtue and righteousness for society. Additionally, they play important roles in leading religious rituals, ceremonies, and spiritual practices, acting as intermediaries between individuals and the divine. Their contributions also extend beyond religious and intellectual realms though, as they also provide guidance, counseling, and healing to individuals and communities. Overall, Brahmins are portrayed as paragons of virtue, wisdom, and enlightenment, embodying the highest ideals of human excellence and divine knowledge as described in classical texts, acting as oases of wisdom by guiding society not only in matters of spirituality but also in areas such as literature, philosophy, and science. Their primary occupations are mostly associated with administration of all sectors of society, teaching, healing, and providing spiritual guidance. Its intersection with Aquarius Rashi on the ecliptic plane may also relate it to Kshatriya and Shudra.
Gunas
The nakshatras each represent the different gunas at different levels of functioning. For this asterism, it might be confusing to find out that, despite all of its negative connotations, it is associated primarily with Sattva or purity/balance. This mainly stems from this Nakshatra's capacity for penance, spiritualism, and generosity. Overall, Purva Bhadrapada is associated with two levels of Sattva and one of Rajas. Sattva prevails at the physical and mental levels, while Rajas predominates at the spiritual level. At the physical level, individuals born under Purva Bhadrapada exhibit qualities of purity, harmony, and balance. They are often composed, grounded, and possess a sense of stability in their physical endeavors. Mentally, they tend to exhibit clarity, wisdom, and a penchant for introspection when they are only focused on engaging their rational mind. This can get muddy when they try to incorporate less tangible aspects into their thinking though. At the spiritual level, the influence of Rajas emerges, driving them towards spiritual growth and evolution but also threatening them with the struggle of inner turmoil. With Rajas at the most personal level of the spirit, this can cause a onstant seeking pf external validation and gratification, which leads to things such as constantly chasing after fleeting desires and pleasures from their lack of contentment. Additionally, the intense drive associated with Rajas may result in overexertion, burnout, and a disregard for self-care. It can lead to an inflated ego, arrogance, and a tendency towards manipulative or self-serving behavior. Therefore, while Rajas can propel individuals towards spiritual evolution, it also poses challenges that need to be navigated with mindfulness and self-awareness. Together with the heavy influence of Sattva, Rajas in this nakshatra creates a spiritual restlessness that works to propel these natives to actively engage in spiritual practices, seeking to transcend worldly limitations and attain spiritual liberation. It comes with risk, but this is a necessary trial.
Gana
Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra falls under the category of Manushya Gana, or "human/mixed species." This designation speaks to the inherent qualities and tendencies of individuals born under this nakshatra, aligning them with human characteristics and behaviors. People belonging to the Manushya Gana Nakshatras, including Purva Bhadrapada, place value on their self-worth and esteem. They often enjoy good physical attributes and are blessed with fortune, leading comfortable lives. With warm and friendly personalities, they exhibit care and affection towards their family, friends, and loved ones, readily offering assistance to those in need. However, they also prioritize their own interests and benefits. They are known for their warm and caring nature, and while they may appear busy if approached, they are capable of balancing their personal and professional lives effectively. The path of those born under Manushya Gana nakshatras is undefined. They possess the potential to exhibit both positive and negative qualities, akin to the diverse nature of humanity itself. They have the potential to be even more evil than the Rakshas and even more good than the Devas. While some may lean towards acts of kindness and generosity, others may display tendencies that are less altruistic. This blend of qualities makes them a complex combination qualities you might see for the Deva and Rakshasa Ganas. Keep in mind that you should look at the dominant Gana in your chart to gain a better understanding of how this may apply to you.
Thank you for taking the time to read this if you did. I will have to continue this in a third part because I'm out of room on this post. Afterwards, I will be starting on Shravana Nakshatra soon, and then later on Anuradha.

Hi! Would like to get some advice / hear different points of view!
I broke up 3 months ago. It was traumatic - first breakup in which I slid into anxiety attacks, etc. The last three months have been really painful, but forced me to be disciplined with good mental health habits. I re-started therapy, and go for walks, journal and meditate daily. I also made it a point to double down on friendships.
We dated for 4 months. For context, I'm 40M, she's 34F. We matched on an app and she chased me, even initiating sex. We had intentional chats on life, future, family, location, etc. At the 3rd month mark she pulled away saying she was vulnerable. At the 4th month mark I said: "I know you have ADHD, depression, are on meds, etc., and work life has been tough ... I'm willing to work through that and give you space if you want to continue." She said it's best we "remain friends". I saw palpable relief on her face. 2.5 weeks later I ended the "situationship" saying I couldn't. She texted back very politely 1.5 weeks after saying there was no reasons she would not want to date me but lost attraction around the 2.5 month mark.
I said I would be going NC, but if there was an emergency she could reach me (N.B. she moved to London only 2 years back and is building her network). She also sent some of my clothes back 3 weeks ago and in return I sent her a small package with protein bars (which she needs). No other contact.
I deleted her number, pictures, unfollowed socials, etc. as I needed NC to recover. I'm now much much better. But having also read a lot of material, I reckon she was exuding typical avoidant tendencies. I am, compared to her other exes, very safe. At a high-level, I'm very much a "nice guy". I think it was a combination of her: (i) being avoidant and feeling too vulnerable that if I know more about her I might then break up; (ii) not being used to being with a "safe" guy; nervous system was more used to a "bad boy".
She has checked my socials from time to time. And she has done a lot of work from her last major breakup 3 years ago to learn about mental health, therapy, etc. She is one of the few people I know that made me feel comfortable being myself around her, discussing aspects of my life freely.
I'm at the stage where I have lost that desire to get back together. But I now have a (possibly perceived predicament) which is that if neither of us reaches out, she would completely disappear from my life. It is a weird feeling!
My questions:

1. In this context, would anyone support reaching out and why?
2. If I do reach out, what are some of the things I should bear in mind? (Second rejection, possibly? anything else I'm missing?)
3. Are there reasons other than (self-respect, self-worth, plenty of fish) which should stop me from reaching out?

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I’ve (23 F) been dating my (25M)boyfriend for about a year now. He’s a really great person and we have really similar values and morals. The only thing is he is best friends with a girl he used to date (they were never official).
I don’t mind that he’s friends with her per se, they were friends before I met him and he’s always had friends that are girls. The issue I have is he will tell “white lies” about how much he sees and texts her and what they do when they’re together. For example he said that they met up for a few drinks last week and then he went back to his alone, but she’s posted on her facebook a picture of the tv at his apartment and they were sat really close together by the looks of the photo. He also previously lied about what he was doing when he was hanging out with her before until he let it slip a few weeks later. This has obviously eroded my trust some what, what I wonder now is should I just let it slide as he is probably trying to save me worrying. Or shall I take it for what it is - he’s lying to me and end things. It’s confusing me as I don’t mind that he hangs out with her, so why would he lie about it? In fact the fact that he lies or omitts the truth is the one thing that makes me worry.
TL:DR - boyfriend lies about what he does with girl best friend, is he saving face or should I end things?

This is the most plausible answer. I think this is exactly how he did it using facts from sermons, emails, texts, news, interviews, maps, and extensive experience with parasitic Narcissistic sitic abuse. If there is anything that I am incorrect on please let me know and I will recalculate. After typing this up two days ago, I stumbled upon Mica’s father‘s interview, and it completely solidified it to the point where I started violently shaking. I think this is what happened.
I was told Winslow‘s property backs up against that state forest. 200 acres. Right down the road. Now remember. Somebody on his staff was told to go and trim back the overgrowth on that specific property shortly before all of this happened,
I think Mica at some point had conversation with Winslow and agreed to come and talk to him at his property, a “safe place JP wouldn’t know.”, thinking she could trust him. I think mica went to winslows and JP was waiting there for unknowingly.
I think Winslow has JP‘s phone and I think JP has Winslow‘s phone so they’re not gonna ping the towers. All they saw was the license plate they never verified He was actually there.
I think JP and Winslow met at a undisclosed location and swapped vehicles. JP went up to Winslow’s NC property with Winslow‘s vehicle and cell phone, and Winslow went down south with JP cell phone and truck. I can’t quite place the girlfriend, but she is an alibi therefore she is aware that something has happened or is going on. I cannot figure out whether or not Winslow was with JP and she took the vehicle down south either or we need to find out the location of where the girlfriend was and where Winslow was. That could all be found by bank financial records of the days in question. Nobody uses cash in 2024 for an entire getaway.
Didn’t they say he got a new truck? There was something new about the truck? Did he get a new one so it wouldn’t have any of Winslow’s DNA inside of it? If Winslow drove it, his DNA/finger prints on the steering wheel would easily be on the steering wheel. Why else would he need to drive Winslow‘s vehicle if there were indications, he was driving the vehicle. Now remember one of them is a lawyer he knows what they look for. JP‘s and Winslow‘s vehicles both need to be tested for gunpowder residue.
Mica shows up to Winslow’s property, JP is there with Winslow’s vehicle, ambushes her OR Winslow is there too and the girlfriend took her phone and truck south. He already has a plan of where he’s going to take her to unalive her before she arrives. JP drives Mica’s car with Mica in it to the final location parking lot, walks her into the woods kills her, puts her stuff down and walks back to Winslow property through the woods. Girlfriend says she was with him, I think she stayed at the property or she drove a vehicle to come get him after he was done if she was there. either way Winslow or girlfriend somebody picked him up or was waiting or he went back to the property and gotten Winslow‘s vehicle and left. Remember it’s not that far away..
Now, after reviewing the 911 recording again, I do not think it is AI. The biggest reason why I know it wasn’t AI is because if you listen to the fast response when asked for the phone number, there wasn’t enough time to record that and send it at the same time. So she replied too fast. Now, when have you ever heard a 911 operator asking somebody for their phone number? That never would have been written. You still have the type stuff in the AI creators. Also, she delayed pause between every number, how would she have replied in half the time it would have taken to type all of that out. Think about it, he would have had to type a number hit space type a number hit space over and over. In a rush I know I mess up you don’t think he would have messed up? He never would have been able to get that recorded smoothly quickly in the time it took for her to respond. Again, when have you ever heard of 911 asking for your phone number?. I believe he is in the car with her after they just left Winslows property. I believe he’s sitting right next to her in the car and allows her to make the call thinking it’s going to cover up everything and benefit him. She was sending out the whistle to her family and She’s trying to buy time for them to locate her. He knew to turn off the location because she mentioned She turned it on notice how it ended at that?. My point with this is at the end.
Logically speaking if she was purposely driving to that park, she would have known the name to GPS it. She would’ve known the name of the park to give the operator. That’s why she was pausing, probably looking to him to see where they’re at. That’s why she says “yes that’s it” cause he nodded. he had enough time to process what the operator was saying before Mica was able to answer that’s why she was able to reply quickly because the operator was speaking slowly. He heard the first word and nodded. She didn’t know, but now suddenly she knew? If she was going to purposely take her own life, and she really wanted her body found, why wouldn’t she have found the name of the park before she called to give them proper location?
She would have seen oh look it’s a park and read the sign and pulled into it. She didn’t know the sign because she was terrified because he was with her. She just knows she’s in a park.
I would possibly look to see if there was any dirt roads that led to where her vehicle is at back to Winslow’s property. That might be why she didn’t see a sign. I haven’t looked too much into that part but it’s a suggestion if anybody wants to do any homework.
SO That’s why the phone was put on airplane mode so cops wouldn’t track them into the woods at the site of the incident and he would be able to get away in time into the woods without being seen.
Also airplane mode was turned on while in the car, at the end of the 911 call, I think he took the phone put the airplane mode on which is why the airplane mode was put on because she mentioned it out loud specifically, he knew the cops were coming time to MOVE, can’t follow us to the woods though. THATS why there’s no bird sounds, they did it in the car after they got to the parking lot. I think subconsciously she thought knew this was going to happen. Kinda like I told my family this was going to happen, and then it clicked what she needed to do. He brought the phone with them to paint the picture. Why would she turn off her location herself if she wanted to be found? She was already going to enter her life right? She was obviously not going to wait a long time right? Listen to her voice when it got emotional when she said she was going to kill herself. If she was unsure, why did she skip up in the exact moment? She was almost free, she had fought so hard. When you’re almost free, what would make you think she would want to stop now? Listen to me clearly, he was in the car. She needed to send out a dog whistle to the people she had told she she told him she would admit to the suicide if she could have her body found. She knew she was going to die and she knew she needed to make sure her family could piece this together. Therefore the only plausible answer is he was in the car with her. She was emotionless probably because the gun was already on her, the phone was removed from her because she mentioned the airplane mode specifically he thought they can’t trace us out to the woods, airplane mode goes on. He walked out to the woods. He needed Time to get away and couldn’t have them knowing exactly where he was to go to first so he could escape right after.
Now he goes into the woods by possibly dragging her which is why she has a bruised wrist. That might be why she started crying. She might have tried to get away when she knew what was going to happen or that it was happening hence why there’s multiple rounds. This led to possible yanking, and then the gunshot, which is why the fisherman heard the crying. Then it was over. Put her in the water he placed her belongings and Then he walked back towards Winslow‘s property. I want to know if there’s a phone call between mica and Winslow, was this drive scheduled day of or days prior and gave enough time for it to be planned. I believe at that time he got back into Winslow’s vehicle met somewhere with Windlow switched vehicles again. JP going to his home and Winslow going back to his home. The funeral and everything was already preplanned and scheduled due to the fact they already knew what was going to happen and already had it pre-planned and needed to make sure it was swift and left no room for delay. Her family, knowing they would want to see her, he manipulated them into signing the cremation holding her body over their heads. Taunting them via text message blaming them to create the narrative. Otherwise, what would be the big deal of allowing them to see the body without needing something in exchange? He knew they would have questions afterwards. At that time all they had was the 911 call and a body, sometimes you need time to process. You know when something happens and then later on you’re like wait what? He wanted to make sure that body had no stop on the cremation process to get rid of all evidence before thosequestions inevitably came. He got ahead of it so there was no hiccup in delays because he knew he had to allow them to see the body to the public that would be the moral right thing to do. Not allowing them to see the body would be suspicious. He figured out how to make it work for both. He talks about laying with her body four times and trying to raise her from the dead, was this guilt or was it like when somebody puts a deer head on the wall?
Now remember, she has already been predisposed to trust Winslow. He mentions Winslow in an email to her previously, obviously showing that he & his wife were a trusted friend of hers as well. It’s 100% a possibility that Winslow told her to come up and talk where she was protected and JP wouldn’t find them, and Winslow left with the truck and met with JP and they switched. Winslow south, JP north. Winslow had asked his staff to clean up that overgrowth on the property. It being a wooded area, was this done so that the roadway was assessable for the plan? she probably drove down some type of dirt road, and he ambushed her in some manner. North Carolina Woods are dense, therefore easily to hide when she pulls over.
Now, how do I think that JP convinced Winslow to help, I believe JP convinced Winslow , Mica was going to tell on all of them and ruin their lives. This could have been backed up by the fact that all the documentation that she had previously collected had gone missing, and was brought to Winslow to paint Mica as an enemy so this was enough for him to convince Winslow that their future and freedom was inJeopardy. When JP was actually afraid she was going to tell on his abuse and life and ruin him. So they killed her to protect their life.
They said something yesterday about breaking news how they found that the notary was forged? Thats enough for me to draw speculation because it was done by Winslow that he is now in on the dirty dealings. He is a part of the actual dirty dealings against mica He knows something is being done wrong and he is condoning it.
That notary that was done on the power of attorney from mica was falsely notarized. Mica was not present for the notary. There was an article on earlier I was looking at but I was in information overload. I just know It was not legally notarized. This shows that Winslow does not have integrity. How far is he willing to go to protect JP and all of their secrets?
I think she told JP she just wanted her body to be found for her family and she would go without a fight. I believe that it was a dog whistle to her family. The clue they would need to know this wasn’t suicide. She told them and now she needed them to remember. She knew she was going to die and everybody needed to know about the gunshot specifically that she warned everyone about days prior. He didn’t know she told people close to her that that. That’s why her voice broke up when she said she was going to unalive herself. She did not want to die. She just wanted people to be able to solve the crime. She manipulated him into thinking he was going to get away with this because she is admitting to it being a suicide. Not knowing She had whistled what was going to happen, she needed people to listen. She offered up no extra information during the 911 call which then delayed the process hoping they would find her location. She told her dad days prior she’s getting a gun for protection. I think she got it before she drove up there just incase and the bruises on her hand may be him wrestling it from her. Maybe at arrival.
A search and rescue dog can smell from weeks to months after somebody has left the area, and if anybody can get something of his and be able to place him there in the woods, you have convincing beyond a reasonable doubt.
After writing this up yesterday when I was complete, I got super sick to my stomach. I was shaking. I could see it completely out in my head where all the facts completely aligned. I believe tthis is the only plausible theory there is.
What people need to realize at the end of the day the good attention and bad attention is still attention to a narcissist. He is enjoying the intention is getting from this primarily from getting away with it. That’s why I believe he visited her body four times after she was deceased. Because he already had a girlfriend, he already talked about going and getting a hot wife and then after she dies, he does an interview about how she’s the most incredible wife and supportive. He made the obituary about how awesome he thought she was to still collect her validation and the validation he got from being her husband because she was good. She was light and he was jealous of that. He wanted that that’s why he had that position. She loved him so much he claimed and how she was so wonderful he claimed yet she didn’t want him when she had a no contact order and wanted a divorce obviously, he wasn’t that. and if you guys don’t think he groomed her go to the memorial of life sermon and listen to the poem again. Now switch the words, “school” and “church.” And follow the story line.
He killed Mica Miller.

This is the most plausible answer. I think this is exactly how he did it using facts from sermons, emails, texts, news, interviews, maps, and extensive experience with parasitic Narcissistic sitic abuse. If there is anything that I am incorrect on please let me know and I will recalculate. After typing this up two days ago, I stumbled upon Mica’s father‘s interview, and it completely solidified it to the point where I started violently shaking. I think this is what happened.
I was told Winslow‘s property backs up against that state forest. 200 acres. Right down the road. Now remember. Somebody on his staff was told to go and trim back the overgrowth on that specific property shortly before all of this happened,
I think Mica at some point had conversation with Winslow and agreed to come and talk to him at his property, a “safe place JP wouldn’t know.”, thinking she could trust him. I think mica went to winslows and JP was waiting there for unknowingly.
I think Winslow has JP‘s phone and I think JP has Winslow‘s phone so they’re not gonna ping the towers. All they saw was the license plate they never verified He was actually there.
I think JP and Winslow met at a undisclosed location and swapped vehicles. JP went up to Winslow’s NC property with Winslow‘s vehicle and cell phone, and Winslow went down south with JP cell phone and truck. I can’t quite place the girlfriend, but she is an alibi therefore she is aware that something has happened or is going on. I cannot figure out whether or not Winslow was with JP and she took the vehicle down south either or we need to find out the location of where the girlfriend was and where Winslow was. That could all be found by bank financial records of the days in question. Nobody uses cash in 2024 for an entire getaway.
Didn’t they say he got a new truck? There was something new about the truck? Did he get a new one so it wouldn’t have any of Winslow’s DNA inside of it? If Winslow drove it, his DNA/finger prints on the steering wheel would easily be on the steering wheel. Why else would he need to drive Winslow‘s vehicle if there were indications, he was driving the vehicle. Now remember one of them is a lawyer he knows what they look for. JP‘s and Winslow‘s vehicles both need to be tested for gunpowder residue.
Mica shows up to Winslow’s property, JP is there with Winslow’s vehicle, ambushes her OR Winslow is there too and the girlfriend took her phone and truck south. He already has a plan of where he’s going to take her to unalive her before she arrives. JP drives Mica’s car with Mica in it to the final location parking lot, walks her into the woods kills her, puts her stuff down and walks back to Winslow property through the woods. Girlfriend says she was with him, I think she stayed at the property or she drove a vehicle to come get him after he was done if she was there. either way Winslow or girlfriend somebody picked him up or was waiting or he went back to the property and gotten Winslow‘s vehicle and left. Remember it’s not that far away..
Now, after reviewing the 911 recording again, I do not think it is AI. The biggest reason why I know it wasn’t AI is because if you listen to the fast response when asked for the phone number, there wasn’t enough time to record that and send it at the same time. So she replied too fast. Now, when have you ever heard a 911 operator asking somebody for their phone number? That never would have been written. You still have the type stuff in the AI creators. Also, she delayed pause between every number, how would she have replied in half the time it would have taken to type all of that out. Think about it, he would have had to type a number hit space type a number hit space over and over. In a rush I know I mess up you don’t think he would have messed up? He never would have been able to get that recorded smoothly quickly in the time it took for her to respond. Again, when have you ever heard of 911 asking for your phone number?. I believe he is in the car with her after they just left Winslows property. I believe he’s sitting right next to her in the car and allows her to make the call thinking it’s going to cover up everything and benefit him. She was sending out the whistle to her family and She’s trying to buy time for them to locate her. He knew to turn off the location because she mentioned She turned it on notice how it ended at that?. My point with this is at the end.
Logically speaking if she was purposely driving to that park, she would have known the name to GPS it. She would’ve known the name of the park to give the operator. That’s why she was pausing, probably looking to him to see where they’re at. That’s why she says “yes that’s it” cause he nodded. he had enough time to process what the operator was saying before Mica was able to answer that’s why she was able to reply quickly because the operator was speaking slowly. He heard the first word and nodded. She didn’t know, but now suddenly she knew? If she was going to purposely take her own life, and she really wanted her body found, why wouldn’t she have found the name of the park before she called to give them proper location?
She would have seen oh look it’s a park and read the sign and pulled into it. She didn’t know the sign because she was terrified because he was with her. She just knows she’s in a park.
I would possibly look to see if there was any dirt roads that led to where her vehicle is at back to Winslow’s property. That might be why she didn’t see a sign. I haven’t looked too much into that part but it’s a suggestion if anybody wants to do any homework.
SO That’s why the phone was put on airplane mode so cops wouldn’t track them into the woods at the site of the incident and he would be able to get away in time into the woods without being seen.
Also airplane mode was turned on while in the car, at the end of the 911 call, I think he took the phone put the airplane mode on which is why the airplane mode was put on because she mentioned it out loud specifically, he knew the cops were coming time to MOVE, can’t follow us to the woods though. THATS why there’s no bird sounds, they did it in the car after they got to the parking lot. I think subconsciously she thought knew this was going to happen. Kinda like I told my family this was going to happen, and then it clicked what she needed to do. He brought the phone with them to paint the picture. Why would she turn off her location herself if she wanted to be found? She was already going to enter her life right? She was obviously not going to wait a long time right? Listen to her voice when it got emotional when she said she was going to kill herself. If she was unsure, why did she skip up in the exact moment? She was almost free, she had fought so hard. When you’re almost free, what would make you think she would want to stop now? Listen to me clearly, he was in the car. She needed to send out a dog whistle to the people she had told she she told him she would admit to the suicide if she could have her body found. She knew she was going to die and she knew she needed to make sure her family could piece this together. Therefore the only plausible answer is he was in the car with her. She was emotionless probably because the gun was already on her, the phone was removed from her because she mentioned the airplane mode specifically he thought they can’t trace us out to the woods, airplane mode goes on. He walked out to the woods. He needed Time to get away and couldn’t have them knowing exactly where he was to go to first so he could escape right after.
Now he goes into the woods by possibly dragging her which is why she has a bruised wrist. That might be why she started crying. She might have tried to get away when she knew what was going to happen or that it was happening hence why there’s multiple rounds. This led to possible yanking, and then the gunshot, which is why the fisherman heard the crying. Then it was over. Put her in the water he placed her belongings and Then he walked back towards Winslow‘s property. I want to know if there’s a phone call between mica and Winslow, was this drive scheduled day of or days prior and gave enough time for it to be planned. I believe at that time he got back into Winslow’s vehicle met somewhere with Windlow switched vehicles again. JP going to his home and Winslow going back to his home. The funeral and everything was already preplanned and scheduled due to the fact they already knew what was going to happen and already had it pre-planned and needed to make sure it was swift and left no room for delay. Her family, knowing they would want to see her, he manipulated them into signing the cremation holding her body over their heads. Taunting them via text message blaming them to create the narrative. Otherwise, what would be the big deal of allowing them to see the body without needing something in exchange? He knew they would have questions afterwards. At that time all they had was the 911 call and a body, sometimes you need time to process. You know when something happens and then later on you’re like wait what? He wanted to make sure that body had no stop on the cremation process to get rid of all evidence before thosequestions inevitably came. He got ahead of it so there was no hiccup in delays because he knew he had to allow them to see the body to the public that would be the moral right thing to do. Not allowing them to see the body would be suspicious. He figured out how to make it work for both. He talks about laying with her body four times and trying to raise her from the dead, was this guilt or was it like when somebody puts a deer head on the wall?
Now remember, she has already been predisposed to trust Winslow. He mentions Winslow in an email to her previously, obviously showing that he & his wife were a trusted friend of hers as well. It’s 100% a possibility that Winslow told her to come up and talk where she was protected and JP wouldn’t find them, and Winslow left with the truck and met with JP and they switched. Winslow south, JP north. Winslow had asked his staff to clean up that overgrowth on the property. It being a wooded area, was this done so that the roadway was assessable for the plan? she probably drove down some type of dirt road, and he ambushed her in some manner. North Carolina Woods are dense, therefore easily to hide when she pulls over.
Now, how do I think that JP convinced Winslow to help, I believe JP convinced Winslow , Mica was going to tell on all of them and ruin their lives. This could have been backed up by the fact that all the documentation that she had previously collected had gone missing, and was brought to Winslow to paint Mica as an enemy so this was enough for him to convince Winslow that their future and freedom was inJeopardy. When JP was actually afraid she was going to tell on his abuse and life and ruin him. So they killed her to protect their life.
They said something yesterday about breaking news how they found that the notary was forged? Thats enough for me to draw speculation because it was done by Winslow that he is now in on the dirty dealings. He is a part of the actual dirty dealings against mica He knows something is being done wrong and he is condoning it.
That notary that was done on the power of attorney from mica was falsely notarized. Mica was not present for the notary. There was an article on earlier I was looking at but I was in information overload. I just know It was not legally notarized. This shows that Winslow does not have integrity. How far is he willing to go to protect JP and all of their secrets?
I think she told JP she just wanted her body to be found for her family and she would go without a fight. I believe that it was a dog whistle to her family. The clue they would need to know this wasn’t suicide. She told them and now she needed them to remember. She knew she was going to die and everybody needed to know about the gunshot specifically that she warned everyone about days prior. He didn’t know she told people close to her that that. That’s why her voice broke up when she said she was going to unalive herself. She did not want to die. She just wanted people to be able to solve the crime. She manipulated him into thinking he was going to get away with this because she is admitting to it being a suicide. Not knowing She had whistled what was going to happen, she needed people to listen. She offered up no extra information during the 911 call which then delayed the process hoping they would find her location. She told her dad days prior she’s getting a gun for protection. I think she got it before she drove up there just incase and the bruises on her hand may be him wrestling it from her. Maybe at arrival.
A search and rescue dog can smell from weeks to months after somebody has left the area, and if anybody can get something of his and be able to place him there in the woods, you have convincing beyond a reasonable doubt.
After writing this up yesterday when I was complete, I got super sick to my stomach. I was shaking. I could see it completely out in my head where all the facts completely aligned. I believe tthis is the only plausible theory there is.
What people need to realize at the end of the day the good attention and bad attention is still attention to a narcissist. He is enjoying the intention is getting from this primarily from getting away with it. That’s why I believe he visited her body four times after she was deceased. Because he already had a girlfriend, he already talked about going and getting a hot wife and then after she dies, he does an interview about how she’s the most incredible wife and supportive. He made the obituary about how awesome he thought she was to still collect her validation and the validation he got from being her husband because she was good. She was light and he was jealous of that. He wanted that that’s why he had that position. She loved him so much he claimed and how she was so wonderful he claimed yet she didn’t want him when she had a no contact order and wanted a divorce obviously, he wasn’t that. and if you guys don’t think he groomed her go to the memorial of life sermon and listen to the poem again. Now switch the words, “school” and “church.” And follow the story line.
He killed Mica Miller.

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (: