Funny dirty rhymes

1. Why are you doing this?

Because it's funny. To me, there is nothing funnier than singing about gay stuff especially in genres that don't usually talk about that kind of stuff like Country and Rap. If at least one other person finds it funny then my job would be done.

1. How do you do this?

I write most of my parodies in Google Docs and pull up the lyrics on Genuis. If I need help, Rhyme Zone is a tool I use and if I need to remember the melody of the words, I pull up the song on youtube. It's a simple process.

1. How long does it take you to make these?

Depends on the song. Somthing Just Like this took me 10 minutes, Fast Car took me 4 hours, and some songs like Really Doe take days to make.

1. Are you gay?

If I had to describe my sexuality I would say I'm 100% attracted to women and 50% attracted to guys. So yeah I'm pretty gay.

1. How do you pick songs to make parodies?

The song has to be one that I know or one that is popular. No matter how much I wanna do gay Ghais Guvera songs, nobody will notice them. I also don't do songs that have significant meaning to me like Sing About Me or Be Quiet And Drive. My lyrics get stuck in my head sometimes and I can never listen to certain songs the same way again.

1. Will you ever make them into actual songs?

Probably. Not all of my parodies will become actual songs but there are certain one that I want to record. I tried to record Gay Fast car once but I am not confident enough in my singing abilities to pull it off.

1. What is wrong with you?

I had a dream about this girl and it really fucked me up for a while. During that low point I kinda went into overdrive and wrote an entire gay Arctic Monkeys album. I don't know what's wrong with me. I probably just need a creative outlet and this is it. anywho...

1. Will you do this song/album?

Weird Al said he woundn't take requests until Madonna requested "Like A Surgeon" and he had to do it. Give me a request I can't refuse.

1. Can I record myself singing these parodies?

DM me first. I would love to have these be actually sung by someone other than me but not without permission. I am very protective over my parodies but I would be proud to hear you guys singing my stupid lyrics. DM me on here and I will most likely say yes.
well, that's the pfaq. If you think I'm a weirdo then you're right and if you think I'm talented you're probably also right. Thanks for reading and please don't get and at me...

A poem I found on the internet maybe in sometime in 2000-2010, its a continuation/analys of the age old question "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck".
I'm aware of the Monkey Island continuation... "A woodchuck could chuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck can't chuck wood... But if a woodchuck could chuck and would chuck..." and so on. But that's only 5 lines.
And what I'm looking for isn't that, this went on for a solid page. I believe it went into more abstract things like economics... It read like an essay, but was so full of rhymes and wordplay that it could also be considered a poem. It was quite funny.
I though it would be easy to find... but no.

Hey guys
With the recent price stagnation, and increased regulatory pressure a lot of people seem worried that we won't ever see another ATH with Ethereum. Other overly optimistic people are talking about a super cycle.
In my opinion, this bull run looks exactly like the others that we had. There is little guarantee that history will repeat or rhyme but the excessive panick after the recent dip is just funny for me.
We had these 20-25% dips many times during last cycles. Leverage gets flushed out and everyone panicks and calls the end of the times. But we are still up around 90% since January of last year 📈.
All you need to make it in this cycle, is a clear plan, a profit taking strategy and some patience. There is no free super quick money without substantial risks and we need patience to make outsized returns. Ethereum is as solid as it ever was.
Greetings

To give context, I (18F) was a virgin. And I wanted to change that. I didn't want the regret and unfamiliarity of a one-night stand and naive-virgin-me wanted to be 'experienced' for my first relationship. So FWBs always struck my attention when it came to losing my virginity. So I went to the holy grail of hookups - Tinder.
And that's where I matched with 'Dave' (21M). After a week of barely-small talk, I plucked up the courage to ask him to pick me up from a friend's house. He calls me (to make sure I'm not a serial killer) and as soon as he gathers I'm a normal person, he immediately asks 'how do you feel about sex?' so naturally, I thought, that's what he's only looking for?
We meet and the red flags are very clear. 1. Tells me his usual type is blondes with blue eyes (I'm very black) 2. His bodycount was 20+ and he later confessed he lied and it was 30+ (not an issue but why lie?) 3. Says his dream girl would be a virgin (with the kind exception of ONE guy) 4. Hated body hair.
All of this should've and now would've made me run for the hills, but for emotionally-unavailable virgin me? I struck gold. An attractive, experienced guy who's so morally corrupt, I'd never catch feelings? I was ready. And the funny part was he never knew and still doesn't know I was a virgin.
So he gets a hotel and we do it. It was a great unforgettable experience BUT a part of me always knew this wouldn't be as great if I wasn't a virgin. The experience of trying it for the first time and allowing myself to be physically exposed was what made me want him, not necessarily as a result of his actual d1ck. Oh and I can't forget red flag No 5. He told me 'he didn't give oral on the first night' (I don't think he ever does) and only did so when I refused to give him oral because what???
So for the whole summer, we'd hook up in his car. From the point of meeting, I told him that I was looking for NSA/FWB and from what I remember, he never explicitly stated what he was looking for. But by the end of the night, when someone is begging for your mouth to be south, you assume they're on board with your terms? But things started appearing to seem otherwise...
He deleted Tinder the day after meeting me. When asked, he claimed 'it's because I found you' even though he told me when we met he was speaking to other girls there? He was a bit of a charmer so this seemed like what he thought I wanted to hear. The first night, he kept trying to cuddle me which I politely declined. I woke up to him cuddling me multiple times and I had to not-so-politely declines. He'd be claiming my 'KitKat' as his and only his during s3x which wasn't weird to me as men like to be territorial and I saw it as dirty talk. Then he'd say he misses me on more than one occasion and would get mad when I wouldn't respond fast to his messages. Like I said, some men can just be possessive even if there are no romantic feelings. But the cherry on top was when he spontaneously asked to give me oral (I said no cos given his lack of experience, he was quite bad)
I wasn't sleeping with anyone else but I made it very clear to him that he was free to do so as long as he told me. He constantly reiterated that he wasn't, even when I didn't bring it up. Although, I am a one-d1ck-gal, I kept reinforcing us being casual because labelling your FWB as exclusive is always a recipe for disaster. I treated him like a friend, I'd banter with him and even got him a small crystal but romantically, I was colder than ice.
The second-to-last time we saw each other, we were in his car and he gets a call and connects it to the car speaker. He tells his friend he's with a girl and he says 'Who, Sarah?' My name was in fact, not Sarah. He had actually mentioned Sarah prior to the call, telling me a girl invited him to a LGBTQ+ rave after he defended her off of a guy (romantic, I know). I asked him to be honest and he said 'I didn't sleep with her'. The vagueness told me enough and I said 'I don't care. Just be honest with me when you do sleep with anyone.' And it was like I set a switch that couldn't be undone. He became so defensive about me saying that and from that point on, he just withdrew. Inside and outside of s3x. Which I still don't understand why as I'd been saying the same thing from the first day?
The last time I saw him, I knew it was the last time from his coldness towards me. He barely looked at me in the eye and would be angered by any little thing I said or did. He'd slap me sometimes during s3x (which I liked) but the final time, it seemed to come from a place of anger disguised as passion.
A few days go by after this and I send him a message on Snapchat. Opened and ignored. Huh? When people ghost, they tend to just block you or never open your last message? A few days later I call him. He outright declined it. I text him and again, opened and ignored. Third time lucky after a few days? Once again, opened and ignored.
At this point, I was confused cos it seemed like he actively wanted me to know 'hey, I'm not speaking to you'. I decide to take the hint and I assume he's moved on/got bored. Until he posts a quote... And when I tell you, this man's social media was comprised of thirst traps singing in the car and work. Never once did he post a quote so I knew, this one's for me.
The quote 'There's some people you need to stay away from. Physically, mentally, emotionally (everything-ly under the sun)...'
At this point, I'm laughing because what did I do so bad that I hadn't done or said since the first day you met me? And even so, why must you make sure I know that I've done something bad yet you don't care enough to tell me what it was?
I leave him be but after a month of going back and forth in my head, I was still very confused. I send him a message asking if we can speak and finally, I get a response. 'no we can't f off, I've got a girl'. This girl could've been Sarah or not but I didn't care. As much as I wanted to read him to filth, I knew the best reaction was simply *no reaction*. So I said 'Idk what I did to make you hate me but I'm happy for you' to which, he responded 'hate is a strong word, just letting you know...'
By this point, I already signed out of the situation. I am not the big bad wolf and I'll never destroy a home, even if the foundations were built on his resentment towards me. I refuse to be involved in another girl's heartbreak so I left it alone. I didn't contact or even watch any of his social media. I don't post at all nor have I ever so I knew nothing about his life and he knew nothing about mine.
Two months later, I'm in the beginning of my current long-term relationship when I sign into Snapchat for the first time in weeks. A new message from Dave Huh? I open it and see he had sent and deleted a message a few days prior. I check his Facebook and his status changed to 'single' less than 2-3 weeks from messaging me. Maybe a month after I had messaged him? Being taken and happy, I didn't chase it and once again, I let him be.
Now, I met Dave in July. Hooked up with him until mid-September. Messaged him and found out he was dating someone in October. He sent and deleted his message in December. Now, tell me why, in February of the following year, I receive a message from Dave saying 'do you still live in ####, I think I have something of yours? x'
I told him I wasn't single in a *much* politer way than he had previously told me and that was the end of that.
The only reason I ask for clarity on this situation is because I don't know where I went wrong and where he did? I like to take accountability when I mistreat people or lead someone on because how else do I know to self-improve? However, I just can't see where I went wrong in this situation as I told him what I wanted from the get-go.
FYI: I found 'Sarah' later on. I am not one to tear down someone's looks but I am also not blind. If any English people know what 'Essex girls' look like, that's all you need to know, visually.

I have yet to encounter a single geniune feminist that pushes blanket generalization of "female=pure=safe=good, male=dirty=dangerous=evil" statements that is not transphobic.
They somehow see trans women as fetishist men at worst, and "contaminated dirty ‘women’ that need cleaning by real cis women before they're allowed to join womanhood" most of the time.
Most trans "inclusive" radical feminists are like: "I welcome trans women, but you must clear this and this and this criteria before I see you as a real woman" like a strict job interviewer. Their acceptance of trans women is heavily conditional and often based on cisnormative standards like doing "the surgery" or perfectly passing and exactly conforming to gender roles, and often invalidates all non-binary identities. And most of the time they either see trans men as "basically women" or hate them for "betraying womanhood", or sometimes both...
Funny how they see butch/tomboy cis women as "brave women resisting patriarchy" but butch/tomboy trans women as having "remains of dirty male socialization that needs cleaning"...

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Unhinged HD/VU $3.5
Universal Monsters 4-Film Set 4K/MA $17
V for Vendetta 4K/MA $6.5
Vanilla Sky HD/VU $5.5
Velvet Goldmine HD/VU $4.5
Venture Bros Radiant is the Blood of the Baboon Heart HD/MA $5.5
Violent Night HD/MA $5
Walking Dead Season 9 HD/VU $7
Watchmen Ultimate Cut 4K/MA $7.5
Waxwork 2 HD/VU $3.5
We Summon the Darkness HD/VU $4.5
Welcome to Marwen HD/MA $4.5
Welcome to Monster High HD/MA or IT $3
Whiplash 4K/MA $6 or HD/MA $4.5
Whitney Houston I Wanna Dance w/ Somebody HD/MA $4
Wicker Man 4K/VU $5.5
Wish HD/MA $7
Witch HD/VU $3.5
Woman King 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $4
Woman Walks Ahead HD/VU $4
You're Next HD/VU $3.5
X-Men 1-4 Set SD/MA $7.5
Zombieland Double Tap HD/MA $4
All other movies (A-Z)
10 Cloverfield Lane HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
101 Dalmatians '61 HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
13 Hours HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
14 Blades HD/VU $3.5
1917 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
2 Guns 4K/MA $4 or HD/MA or IT $2.5
21 Jump Street HD/MA $3
22 Jump Street HD/MA $3.5
3 Extremes HD/VU $4
3 From Hell (Unr) 4K/VU $4 or HD/VU $2.5
3:10 to Yuma 4K/VU $5
31 HD/VU $2.5
47 Meters Down HD/IT $3.5
47 Meters Down Uncaged 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
47 Ronin HD/MA $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
600 Miles HD/VU $3.5
71 HD/VU $3.5
A Christmas Story 4K/MA $6
A Dog's Purpose HD/IT $3
A Good Day to Die Hard (Ext) HD/VU $2.5
A Journal For Jordan HD/MA $4
A Quiet Place HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
A Walk Among the Tombstones HD/IT $3.5
A Wrinkle in Time HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
A.C.O.D. HD/VU or IT $3.5
Abominable 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
About Last Night HD/MA $3
Action Point HD/IT $2
Ad Astra HD/MA $4
Adaptation 4K/MA $6
Adrift HD/IT $3.5
Adverse 4K/VU $5
After Earth HD/MA $3
Aftermath HD/VU $3
Air Force One 4K/MA $6
Aladdin ‘19 HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Aladdin ‘92 HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Alien HD/MA $4
Alien Covenant HD/MA $2.5
Alfred Hitchcock 4-Film Set Vol 1 4K/MA $18
Alfred Hitchcock 5-Film Set Vol 2 4K/MA $21
Alien 6-film Set HD/MA $16
Alita Battle Angel 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
All Eyez on Me HD/VU or IT $3
All is Lost HD/VU $3.5
All the Money in the World HD/MA $3.5
Allied HD/VU or IT $3.5
Almost Christmas HD/MA or IT $3
Amazing Spider-Man 2 HD/MA $3.5 or SD/MA $1.5
Amazing Spider-Man HD/MA $3.5 or SD/MA $1.5
American Assassin 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
American Hustle HD/MA $3.5
American Reunion HD/VU or IT $3
American Ultra HD/VU or IT $4
American Underdog 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Anatomy of a Murder 4K/MA $5
Anchorman 2 HD/VU or IT $2.5
Angel Has Fallen 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Angel Heart 4K/VU $5.5
Angel of Mine 4K/VU $5.5
Angry Birds Movie HD/MA $3.5
Anna Karenina HD/IT $3.5
Annie ‘14 HD/MA $3.5
Annihilation HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Antebellum 4K/VU $5
Antlers HD/GP $3
Ant-Man & the Wasp HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Ant-Man HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Apache Junction HD/VU $3.5
Apollo 13 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Arctic HD/MA $4
Arrival HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Art of Self-Defense HD/MA $4
Ash vs Evil Dead S.3 HD/VU $5
Assassination Nation HD/MA $3.5
Assassin's Creed HD/MA $3
Assignment HD/VU $4
Atomic Blonde 4K/MA or IT $4.5 or HD/MA $3
August Osage County HD/VU $3
Avengers Age of Ultron HD/GP $3
Avengers Endgame HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Avengers Infinity War 4K/MA $4 or HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Baby Driver HD/MA $4
Backdraft 4K/IT $5.5
Bad Grandpa HD/VU or IT $2.5
Bad Words HD/MA or IT $3
Bandslam HD/VU $4
Bank Job HD/VU $3.5
Barb & Star go to Vista Del Mar HD/VU $4
Barbie & Her Sisters in the Great Puppy Adventure HD/IT $3.5
Bart Got a Room HD/VU $4
Battle Royale HD/VU $4.5
Battleship 4K/MA or IT $4.5 or HD/MA $3
Baywatch HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Beauty & the Beast ‘17 HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Beauty & the Beast ‘91 HD/GP $3
Bedknobs & Broomsticks HD/GP $3.5
Before I Fall HD/VU or IT $3.5
Begin Again HD/VU $3.5
Beiruit HD/MA $3.5
Belly 4K/VU $5.5
Ben-Hur ‘16 HD/VU $3.5
Between Worlds HD/VU $3.5
Big Hero 6 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Big Lebowski 4K/MA or IT $5.5
Big Short HD/VU $3.5
Big Wedding HD/VU or IT $3
Billy Elliot HD/MA or IT $4
Birdman HD/MA $4
Black & Blue HD/MA $4
Black Christmas '19 HD/MA $4.5
Black Panther 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $2.5
Black Panther Wakanda Forever HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
BlackKklansman HD/MA $4.5
Blacklight HD/MA $4
Black Widow HD/GP $3
Blackhat HD/IT $3.5
Blair Witch Project ‘99 HD/VU $4
Bleeding Steel HD/VU $3.5
Blindspotting 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Blood Money ‘17 HD/VU $3.5
Blood Ties HD/VU $3.5
Blue Jasmine HD/MA $3.5
Blue Ruin HD/VU $4
Blues Brothers HD/MA $4 or 4K/IT $4.5
Bob's Burgers Movie HD/GP $3
Body Cam HD/VU $4
Bohemian Rhapsody 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Bombshell 4K/VU $5
Book Club HD/VU or IT $2.5
Book of Life HD/MA $3.5
Boss Baby HD/MA $2.5
Bourne Identity 4K/IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Bourne Legacy HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
Bourne Supremacy HD/MA $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Bourne Ultimatum 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Boy ‘16 HD/IT $3.5
Boy & the World HD/IT $3.5
Boyhood HD/VU or IT $2.5
Braven HD/VU $4
Breakfast Club HD/MA or IT $4
Breakthrough HD/MA $3
Brian Banks HD/MA $3
Bridge of Spies HD/GP $3.5
Brothers Bloom HD/VU $4.5
Bumblebee 4K/VU or IT $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Butler HD/VU $3
Cabin in the Woods HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Cake HD/MA $4
Call of Wild 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Calvary HD/MA $4
Candyman '20 4K/MA $6 or HD/MA $4.5
Candyman 3 HD/VU $4
Captain America Civil War HD/GP $2.5
Captain America First Avenger HD/GP $3.5
Captain America Winter Soldier HD/GP $3.5
Captain Marvel 4K/MA $4 or HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Captain Phillips HD/MA $3.5
Captain Underpants First Epic Movie HD/MA $2.5
Carol HD/VU $4
Cars 3 HD/GP $2.5
Casablanca 4K/MA $5.5
Case for Christ HD/MA or IT $2.5
Casper HD/IT $4
Celebrating Mickey HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Chaos Walking 4K/VU $5
Chappaquiddick HD/VU $4
Chasing Mavericks HD/MA $3.5
Chicago HD/VU $4
Child 44 HD/VU $4
Children ‘08 HD/VU $4
Christopher Robin HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Chronicles of Riddick HD/IT $4
Clerks 3 4K/VU $4.5
Clifford the Big Red Dog HD/VU $4
Cloverfield 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Coco HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Cold Pursuit 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Collection HD/VU $3.5
Collide ‘17 HD/VU or IT $2.5
Colma The Musical HD/VU $4
Colombiana (Unr) HD/MA $4
Colony 4K/VU $5
Come & Find Me HD/VU $4
Commuter 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Company of Heroes HD/MA $4
Conan the Barbarian ‘11 4K/VU $5
Conspirator HD/VU $4
Contraband HD/IT $3
Contractor HD/VU $4.5
Cooler HD/VU $4
Cool Hand Luke 4K/MA $5.5
Cooties HD/VU $4
Cotton Club Encore 4K/VU $5.5
Countdown ‘16 HD/VU $3.5
Courier 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Craft Legacy HD/MA $4.5
Criminal HD/VU or IT $3
Croods HD/VU $3.5
Cruella HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Crypto 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Daddy's Home HD/IT $2.5
Daddy's Home 2 HD/VU or IT $3
Damsel HD/VU $4.5
Dangerous 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Danny Collins HD/IT $3.5
Dark Crimes HD/VU $4
Darkest Minds HD/MA $4
Dark Places HD/VU $4
Dark Tower HD/MA $3.5
Darkest Hour ‘17 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes HD/MA $3.5
Deadpool 2 (w/Super Duper Cut) HD/MA $4
Deadpool HD/MA $2.5
Death of Me HD/VU $4
Death on the Nile HD/GP $3
Death Wish '18 HD/VU $3
Deepwater Horizon HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Deliver Us From Evil HD/MA $3.5
Dentist 2-Film Set HD/VU $7
Despicable Me 2 HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Despicable Me 3 4K/MA or IT $4.5
Despicable Me 4K/MA or IT $4.5
Detroit HD/MA $3.5
Devil Inside HD/VU $3.5
Devil's Due HD/MA $3.5
Die Hard HD/MA $3.5
Die Hard 5-film Set HD/MA $18
Die in a Gunfight 4K/VU $5
Dilemma HD/VU $3.5
Dirty Dancing 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Disney Animated Short Films Set HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Disneynature Monkey Kingdom HD/MA $3
Django Unchained HD/VU $3
Doctor Strange HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Doctor Strange Multiverse of Madness HD/GP $3
Dolittle HD/MA $3.5
Dom Hemingway HD/MA $3.5
Don Verdean HD/VU $4.5
Doorman HD/VU $3.5
Doors 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Downsizing HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
Downton Abbey A New Era HD/MA $4
Downton Abbey The Movie HD/MA $3.5
Draft Day HD/IT $3.5
Dragged Across Concrete HD/VU $3.5
Dragonslayer 4K/VU $5.5
Dream a Little Dream HD/VU $4
Dreamkatcher HD/VU $4
Dreamworks 10-Film HD/MA $25
Dredd 4K/VU $4 or HD/VU $2.5
Dying of the Light HD/VU $2.5
E.T. Extra Terrestrial 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Early Man 4K/VU $5.5
Earth Girls are Easy HD/VU $4
Eddie the Eagle HD/MA $4
Edge of Seventeen HD/IT $3
Edward Scissorhands HD/MA $3.5
El Chicano HD/MA $4
Elysium HD/MA $3.5
Emoji Movie HD/MA $3
Empire of Light HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Empire State HD/VU $3
Encanto 4K/GP $3.5
Enough Said HD/MA $3.5
Enter the Dragon 4K/MA $6
Epic HD/MA $3
Equalizer HD/MA $3.5
Equalizer 2 HD/MA $3.5
Escape From Planet Earth HD/VU $3
Eternals HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Everest HD/MA $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Everything Must Go HD/VU $4
Evil Dead 2 HD/VU $3.5
Ex Machina HD/VU $3
Exodus Gods & Kings HD/MA $3.5
Expired 4K/VU $4.5
Fair Game (Dir) HD/VU $4
Fantastic Four ‘15 HD/MA $4
Fast & Furious 4 4K/MA $5
Fast & the Furious 8-film Set HD/MA $17.5
Fast & the Furious 9-film Set HD/MA $20
Fast Color 4K/VU $5.5
Fatale ‘20 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Fatherhood HD/MA $4
Fault in Our Stars HD/MA $3.5
Fear of Rain 4K/VU $5.5
Fences HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Ferdinand HD/MA $3.5
Field of Dreams 4K/MA or IT $5.5
Fifty Shades Darker (Unr) HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Fifty Shades Freed HD/MA $4
Fifty Shades of Grey (Unr) 4K/MA or IT $4
Finding Dory HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Finding Nemo HD/GP $3.5
Finest Hours HD/GP $3
Firm 4K/VU $6
First Man HD/MA $4
Flashback ‘20 HD/VU $4
Flight HD/VU or IT $3
Florence Foster Jenkins HD/VU or IT $3
Footloose ‘11 HD/IT $3
Forbidden Kingdom HD/VU $4.5
Ford v Ferrari HD/MA $4
Forest HD/IT $3.5
Forever My Girl HD/IT $3
Fortress HD/VU $3.5
Fortress Sniper's Eye HD/VU $3.5
Fox & the Hound 2 HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Foxcatcher HD/MA $4
Frank & Lola HD/VU or IT $3
Free Guy HD/GP $3
French Dispatch HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Friday the 13th 4K/VU $5.5
From Here to Eternity 4K/MA $5.5
Frozen (Sing-Along) HD/MA $2 or HD/GP $1.5
Frozen HD/GP $2
Frozen 2 HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Frozen Ground ‘13 HD/VU $3.5
Fury HD/MA $3.5
Future World HD/VU $3.5
G.I. Joe Retaliation HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Gambit ‘12 HD/MA $4
Gambler HD/VU or IT $3
Gamer 4K/VU $5.5
Gemini Man 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Get Out 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Ghost in the Shell ‘17 HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Ghost in the Shell ‘95 4K/VU $5
Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance HD/MA $4
Ghost Team One HD/VU or IT $3.5
Ghostbusters ‘84 HD/MA $3.5
Ghostbusters (Thea & Ext) ‘16 HD/MA $3
Ghostbusters 2 HD/MA $3.5
Gifted HD/MA $3
Girl in Spider's Web HD/MA $4
Girl on Train HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Girl w/ All Gifts HD/VU $4
Giver HD/VU $3.5
Glass Castle 4K/VU $5.5
Glass HD/MA $4
God Bless The Broken Road HD/VU $3.5
God's Not Dead 2 HD/MA or IT $2.5
God's Not Dead 3 HD/MA $3
Gods of Egypt HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Gold ‘16 HD/VU $2.5
Good Dinosaur HD/GP $2.5
Good Kill HD/VU or IT $3.5
Grease 2 HD/VU $4
Great Wall 4K/MA or IT $4.5 or HD/MA $3
Greatest Showman HD/MA $3.5
Green Book HD/MA $4
Grey HD/VU or IT $3
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 HD/GP $2
Guilt Trip HD/VU or IT $3
Gunman HD/MA or IT $3
Guns of Navarone 4K/MA $5.5
Hacksaw Ridge 4K/VU or IT $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Halloween ‘18 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3
Hammer of the Gods HD/VU $2
Hannibal S.1 HD/VU $5
Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters (Unr) HD/VU or IT $3
Hard Luck Love Song 4K/VU $5.5
Hard Target 2 HD/IT $1.5
Hardcore Henry HD/VU or IT $3.5
Hate U Give HD/MA $4
Hateful Eight HD/VU $3.5
Heat (Director's Cut) ‘95 4K/MA $5.5
Heaven is for Real HD/MA $3.5
Hercules ‘14 HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Here Comes the Boom HD/MA $3.5
Hereditary HD/VU $3.5
Hidden Figures HD/MA $3
High Note HD/MA $4
Highlander 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Hitchcock '12 HD/MA $4
Hitman Agent 47 HD/MA $3
Hitman's Bodyguard HD/VU $3.5
Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard 4K/VU $5.5
Hocus Pocus HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Home HD/MA $3
Home Again HD/MA $3
Home Alone 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Homefront HD/MA or IT $3
Homesman HD/VU $3
Honey 2 HD/VU $3
Hostiles 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
Hotel Transylvania 3 HD/MA $3.5
Hot Fuzz HD/VU $4
Hotel Mumbai HD/MA $4
Hours ‘13 HD/VU $4
House of 1000 Corpses HD/VU $4
House of Gucci 4K/IT $5.5
House w/ a Clock in Its Walls sHD/MA $4
How to Train Your Dragon 2 HD/MA $2.5
Hugo HD/VU $3
Hunt for Red October 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Huntsman Winter's War (Ext) HD/MA $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
I Can Only Imagine HD/VU $3.5
I Feel Pretty HD/IT $2
Ides of March HD/MA $4
I Know What You Did Last Summer 4K/MA $5.5
Imitation Game HD/VU $3
In a Valley of Violence HD/MA or IT $3
In Secret ‘14 HD/VU $4.5
In the Blood HD/VU $4
Incredibles 2 HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Independence Day ‘96 HD/MA $4
Independence Day Resurgence HD/MA $2.5
Indiana Jones & the Raiders of the Lost Ark 4K/VU or IT $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom 4K/VU or IT $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Indignation HD/VU $4
Indivisible HD/MA $3.5
Inferno HD/MA $3
Initiation 4K/VU $5
Initiation HD/VU $3.5
Internship HD/MA $3
Interstellar 4K/VU or IT $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Interview HD/MA $3.5
Into the Woods HD/MA $3 or HD/GP $2.5
Invisible Man '20 HD/MA $3.5
Invisible Man ‘33 HD/MA $3.5
Iron Man 3 HD/MA $2.5 or HD/GP $2
Iron Man & Hulk Heroes United HD/GP $3.5
Iron Mask ‘19 HD/VU $4.5
It Follows HD/VU $3.5
It's a Wonderful Life HD/VU $3
Jack & Jill HD/MA $3.5
Jack Reacher 4K/VU or IT $5
Jack Reacher Never Go Back HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit 4K/IT $4 or HD/VU $2.5
Jacob's Ladder HD/VU $4
Jane Got a Gun HD/VU $4
Jarhead 3 (Unr) HD/IT $2.5
Jason Bourne HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Jesus Music HD/VU $3.5
Jexi HD/VU $3.5
Jobs HD/MA or IT $3.5
Joe HD/VU $3.5
Joe Kidd HD/IT $4
John Wick 1 & 2 Bundle HD/VU $4
John Wick 3 Parabellum 4K/VU $4.5
John Wick Chapter 2 HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
John Wick HD/VU $2 or 4K/IT $2.5
John Wick Trilogy (Parabellum 4K) HD/VU $9 or all HD/VU $8
Journey to the West Conquering the Demons HD/VU $3.5
Joy HD/MA $3
Judy 4K/VU $5 or HD/VU $3.5
Juliet, Naked 4K/VU $5.5
Jumanji Welcome To The Jungle HD/MA $2.5
Jungle Book ‘16 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/GP $2.5
Jungle Cruise HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Jurassic Park 3 HD/VU $3.5 or 4K/IT $4
Jurassic Park 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
Jurassic World 5-film Set HD/MA $14
Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom 4K/MA $4.5 or HD/MA $3
Jurassic World HD/VU $2.5 or 4K/IT $3
Justice ‘17 HD/VU or IT $3
Kama Sutra HD/VU $4
Kick-Ass 2 HD/MA $3.5
Kid ‘19 HD/VU $3.5
Kid Who Would Be King 4K/MA $5.5 or HD/MA $4
Kidnap HD/VU or IT $2.5
Kill Zone ‘05 HD/VU $4.5
Killer Elite HD/IT $3
Killing Gunther HD/VU $4
Kin ‘18 4K/VU $4.5 or HD/VU $3
King Kong ‘05 4K/MA or IT $5 or HD/MA $3.5
King of Staten Island HD/MA $4
King's Man HD/GP $3.5
Kingsman The Golden Circle HD/MA $3
Kingsman The Secret Service HD/MA $3.5
Knives Out HD/VU $3.5
Knowing 4K/VU $5.5
La La Land HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Labor Day HD/VU or IT $3
Lady Macbeth HD/VU $4.5
Lady of the Manor 4K/VU $5
Lair of White Worm HD/VU $4.5
Lake Mungo HD/VU $4
Lara Croft Tomb Raider 4K/VU $5.5 or HD/VU $4
Last Dragon HD/MA $4.5
Last Duel HD/GP $3.5
Last Exorcism HD/VU $4
Last Knights HD/VU $3.5
Last Man ‘19 HD/VU $4
Last Stand HD/IT $2
Last Vegas HD/VU $3
Last Witch Hunter HD/VU $3 or 4K/IT $3.5
Lawrence of Arabia 4K/MA $5.5
Legend of Hercules 4K/IT $3
Legends of Oz Dorothy's Return HD/MA $3.5
Leprechaun 7-film Set HD/VU $12
Let's be Cops HD/MA $3.5
Let Him Go HD/MA $4
Let Me Explain HD/IT $2.5
Life ‘17 HD/MA $3.5
Life of Crime HD/VU $3.5
Life of Pi 4K/MA $5 or HD/MA or IT $3.5
Light of My Life HD/IT $3.5
Lightyear HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Like a Boss HD/VU $3.5
Lilo & Stitch 2 HD/MA $4 or HD/GP $3.5
Lion HD/VU $4
Lion King ‘19 4K/MA $4 or HD/GP $2
Lion King ‘94 4K/MA $5 or HD/GP $3
Little HD/MA $3.5
Little Mermaid ‘89 HD/MA $4
Live Free or Die Hard HD/MA $4
Locked Down 4K/MA $5.5
Logan HD/MA $3
Logan Lucky HD/MA $3.5 or /IT $4
Lone Ranger HD/MA $3.5 or HD/GP $3
Lone Survivor HD/VU $2.5
Longest Ride HD/MA $3
Longest Week HD/VU $3.5
Looper HD/MA $3.5
Lorax HD/MA or IT $3
Lord of War 4K/VU $5.5
Lords of Salem HD/VU $4
Lost World Jurassic Park HD/MA $3.5
Love & Mercy HD/VU $3.5
Love & Monsters 4K/VU $5.5
Love the Coopers HD/VU or IT $4
Love, Simon HD/MA $3.5
Loving HD/VU or IT $3.5
Luca HD/GP $3
Lucy 4K/MA or IT $4.5 or HD/MA $3
Lyle, Lyle Crocodile HD/MA $4.5 or SD/MA $2
Madagascar 3 HD/MA $3
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I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/schnebly posting in CasualConversation
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Short
Original - 9th May 2015
Updates in the same post - 9th to 15th May 2015
​
I'm at my girlfriend's prom right now. I lost her and her friends didn't want me to hang out with them so I'm exploring the hotel like a secret agent.
​
Agent schnebly5 reporting in. I've snuck past the guard and am in the elevator. As I am writing this the elevator stopped and two women got in. They don't seem to be concerned, just a weird look since I'm in a tux. Will report in soon. On the 5th floor.
Reporting in. Close call! Saw a room service lady on floor 5 and then on floor 6. She gave me weird looks. I ran up stair E and then stair G to floor 8 where I am now. I think I lost her. I see a sign for "roof access" so I'm going to check it out.
OH SHIT HUGE ENCOUNTER. So I just took stair F1 up to floor 9 and found an unmarked door. Walked in and it had a dirty room with construction materials. Clearly not somewhere where guests are supposed to go. In there, there was an alarm locked door and a tiny unmarked side door with a lock. It was unlocked. I slowly opened the door and I shit you not there was nothing but a red ladder that led up to an office of some sort. I heard the rustling of papers and bolted. The first door slammed shut unfortunately. Currently hiding on floor 6 stair E. Should I pursue the office again?
I bolted down all the way to the lobby. I popped out near the prom and scared the bejesus out of two guys when I popped out. Currently making my way back to floor 8... Will report soon about the red ladder room.
Lot to cover. I returned to floor 8 on staircase E this time. Reached a doorway that said something like "Danger: High Frequency Radio Wave Area" and then listed a bunch of regulations for being there. I didn't finish reading cause I was scared off. Didn't want to get messed up by radio waves or something like that. I then returned to the G staircase and the room. Then went into the red ladder room. I swear my heart was pounding. I slowly went up the red ladder and it came to a tiny room with a single door. As soon as I reached for the doorknob, I heard a sound from behind it.
I ran down the red ladder and heard someone opening the door above me. But they didn't see me. I ran all the way downstairs to the lobby. Here's where it got interesting. At the lobby portion of the E staircase, I walked right into...well... a blowjob. Noped the fuck out of there. Then, I walked into the lobby and two big security guards are blocking the entrance to the bathroom. A few important looking guys in suits run downstairs and talk with the guards. Then they shooed everyone away and blocked the entrance. I couldn't go back up. Found my girlfriend and we talked for a bit. She might come back up with me to the room with the red ladder. 30 minutes till he end of prom.
Unfortunately my gf didn't have the same enthusiasm towards the mystery of the red ladder that I did... We ended up leaving a little while after my last update when I heard a guy behind the door. I hope to visit the hotel again with another agent and uncover the secrets that lie within it.
​
Comments
​

OOP replying to deleted comments: Yeah. I won't lie...for a guy who's shy and put himself out there to ask to hang out with the friends, it didn't feel good for them to just brush me off several times. But... whatever. They weren't worth making friends with anyway then, and frankly, I probably had more fun snooping around by myself than they did.

​

The key is just to leave your fucks at the door and realize there is nothing to lose--there are no consequences for looking like an idiot with people you don't know. If you can make sure you're not afraid to do what you like, even if it may seem stupid to some, it'll seem awesome to others who feel the same way. That's how you make your best friends. Or so I'm told... It's easy for me to give this advice, but I certainly have not put it into practice enough to verify its truth. But everyone has to start somewhere!

​
onlyatnight12345
You'll find more awesome people like you in college/uni. Let those high school snobs be
​
Updates over a period of 6 days
​
Edit:
Prom is over. I had an exhilarating run of investigation and secret agentry. I probably disturbed and confused many hotel workers, but it was well worth it. My travels took me to life threatening areas, life creating events (if you know what I mean) and some pretty mysterious places. I'd highly recommend it next time you're bored in a hotel.
To all those saying the "friends" and my gf are in the wrong here, I agree. I was trying to make the best of a bad situation, so I appreciate your words of support. I'll probably talk to her about it. Hopefully I'll return back to the hotel soon to finally discover what's behind the final door... I know at the very least it's the roof, but it could be something much, much cooler. Have an awesome day!
Edit 2:
you guys are awesome & thank you for your kind words. For those wondering... yes, I got laid. It was my secret agent duty. Also pics are coming soon (not of that last statement :P of the red ladder and the high frequency room).
Edit 3:
Finally got home and pics have arrived! https://imgur.com/a/bA6Ge I made a handy album with descriptions. Enjoy and let me know what you think!
Edit 4:
Thanks to some publicity from the bestof link, somebody who went to the same prom contacted me and said he knows employees of the hotel and can possibly find out what's in the secret room! Stay tuned everybody!!
Edit 5:
Agent schnebly5 reporting in...the drama continues! Thanks to countingchris , whose friend's mom works at the hotel, supposedly that area of the hotel is HAUNTED and guests aren't allowed up there! I did a little research and couldn't believe what I found: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omni_Shoreham_Hotel#Haunting. That's right where I was snooping around on the 8th floor, and I had no idea of any of these rumors!! This just keeps getting weirder...
Final Edit:
Doubt anyone is still reading this but we broke up :(
​
Comments
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scalability
I once started wandering around at an event like OP. I ran into a custodian.
Him: what are you doing here?
Me: Dunno, just looking around
Him: squinting are you an engineer?
Me: Yes Him: Mm..
And then he just walked on his way. I guess engineers are prone to wandering unoccupied parts of buildings for fun?
​
mezu6391
Ugh, I’m an engineer and when I leave my desk to do field investigations I get weird looks alllll the time. It’s funny the facility guy made that comment. Engineers are always in weird places
​
decemberrainfall
What did I just read
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lucasj
A classic American tale of a guy who walked up and down some staircases, confused a railing with a ladder, saw a blowjob, and blamed it all on ghosts.
​
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Everyone outside of our family gives her glowing praise. She's smart, she's funny, she's kind, that's what they see.
Our family? She's an asshole. She yells at us, refuses to do chores, doesn't do school work, and just this past week got in an argument with her grandfather that ended with my kid screaming "Fuck you!" Her younger tween brother wants to ask her something? He might as well be a bug she wishes wasn't there.
We planned to take out a heloc loan and use the money for home repairs and to help pay for her college. She said "I don't want your money". We buy her nice clothes, she can't be bothered to put them away or put them in the dirty laundry when she wears them, instead choosing to wear the same smelly shirt 2 or 3 times before we tell her we know it's not clean.
Ask her to do something? We either get sarcasm or screaming. Need to leave the house by 8am for school? Good luck. 1 of her classes this semester was online and she had everything available 2 weeks before the semester started. Half her assignments were either turned in just before midnight or were late, some she didn't even bother doing.
We know she has some mental health issues (She thinks so too) and we've tried to get her treatment. It always comes out the same: "The doctor is a dumbass and shouldn't be practicing medicine". Now she's getting ready to go off to college, and we have no idea what's going to happen. She's smart enough to make it through, but too lazy to actually try. We have tried over and over to get her to put forth effort, but she's gotten by with minimal effort so far, so why should she start applying herself now.
We're just at a loss at this point. What happened to our daughter?

When I'm High I first realize how weird my behaviour actually is. And I kinda new that I have ADHD scince I am 14 years old but I never admitted it myself because I am too ashamed of the fact that I have mental issues. And I just realized how autistic my behaviour actually is. When I was a little child I used to have OCD and had to make sure like it was my religion that all doors and shelfs etc. in the house are closed. I used to wash my hands about 15-20 times a day with water and soap without even touching anything because I thought they were dirty. And I am till this day (20 Years old) disgusted by touching other humans. When I accidentally touch a human I have this disgusting feeling in my body that doesn't go away for hours and it makes me unable to touch my body in that area for a while. I had social issues scince I was born and always felt ashame of everything. And I have to mention that I have trouble understandin Irony sometimes but I always tell myself that I am just too dumb to understand. This is why smoking weed makes me realize that I couldn't understand Irony it somehow makes my brain able to think from a whole different perspective. I also had sleep issues scince I was born and smoking weed makes able to actually feel tired in the night and helps me sleep. Weed also made me realise that I am still really easy to overstimulate. I always feel like everybody around me hates me and that makes my social life hard. I hate small talk it sometimes even makes me aggressive and whenever I have to talk to somebody while doing something else it feels like my brain starts smoking and I get mad at the other person. I also have trouble focusing while studying. I also had an issue that some everyday items like bottles made me feel disgusting. I couldn't say the word or actually touch it without feeling completly disgusted. And this made me have social issues because whenever sombody said that word this person kinda died for me because I was so disgusted that I couldn't be with him anymore. And I had that issue with my family which made me hate them for a really long time. I used to have emotional outbreaks like crazy from the age 10-18 and was honestly really depressed because I got bullied in school for actually no reason. The issue I have here is though that when I am sober I completly tell myselft that I make all this up and never really needed to do all that and I should mention that this is just a little tip of the iceberg of all the symptomps. I also have special fixation which was between 3-17 years old gaming. This sounds like a kid just playing video games but I was playing up to 18 hours a day and I wanted to make gaming my life. I was practicing to becone a E-sports player or wanted to become a developer so the PC could become my daily life. The second special fixation is probably health and working out. It started 3 years and i religiously went to the gym working out almost everyday. I made my entire day drom waking up until going to bed about the gym. Whenever I wasn't in the gym training I actually watched other people on youtube train or studied about how biomechanics and muscle growth works. I feel completly useless and like a failed and spoiled person whenever I avoid activity for too long. And I also believe that I had 2 psychosis in my life. The first was around the age of 13-16 that was when I 100% believed in the fact that I lived in a simulation that was made to kill me. I had massive social anxiety whenever I was outside the house because I was scared that somebody wanted to kill me. The second one started around 2 years ago and I had a massive eating disorder and I believed that eating anything but fruits will kill me. I think I actually was about to starve sometimes and ruined my electrolyte balance. As said this is just a little bit of all the things, does that kinda sound similar to what someone with ADHD or Autism thinks like? I sometimes believe I have it but I just tell myself that I was faking all that or that I did it as a child because I thought it was funny. I think I should add that as a kid I was obsessed with autistic people and wanted to be like one of them so bad. I fall in love with every girl that was autistic.

PART 1 :
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/1c1fu8d/i_filmed_something_that_i_cant_explain/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
PART 2 :
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/1c2yziu/i_filmed_something_that_i_cant_explain_part_2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
PART 3 :
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/1cnwpo2/i_filmed_something_that_i_cant_explain_part_3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
PART 4 :
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/1copwms/i_filmed_something_that_i_cant_explain_part_4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Last night, after posting the last update, I couldn’t find any sleep. Not only because that back seat was probably the less comfortable one on the car market, nor because Mark and Claire were talking loudly outside, or not even because, as heartwarming and comforting as Lucy’s presence besides me was, I hadn’t slept so close to someone in forever. No, I could have gotten over all this easily. But one thing was keeping me awake, running through my head endlessly. When Claire took me to the Doors Realm (that’s its name now), and that we encountered what was, just a few hours before, still an unknown man that helped me to get so far, I learned so many things.

At first, Claire recognized him as the man that captured Mark’s childhood classmate, Martin, 11 years ago, and that had locked him in his house for all this time, until a few days ago, Mark and she saved him. That man then explained to her that, since their last encounter, he had been stuck in this place and couldn’t find his door anymore. Upon further talking, they came to the conclusion that the beast that was hunting me in the Doors Realm was what was left of the entity that they thought they had destroyed: Vessel. But that he had got rid of his “human” part that was nowhere to be seen there, and without it, he was less smart, but he was also free of what allowed them to hurt him the first time. We then stumbled upon a door that had been forced and was slightly open. Claire succeeded to take a shot of the inside of the door thanks to my camera, that later revealed a young boy who Lucy recognized when she saw it as a patient in a youth psychiatric center in which she lately had an internship for her studies: Nicolas. Claire and Mark thought strongly that Vessel’s human part had took refuge in that boy. Our plan was now the following: Lucy and I would get in the center to talk to Nicolas, since she was authorized to enter it for school purposes, and try to figure things out.

But the thing that was really keeping me awake and thinking was this: while on the Doors Realm, the man had revealed to me that he was my biological father, and that it was the reason I was connected to that place as much: I was half like him. I couldn’t ask him more as we had to move fast. We didn’t mention that to Mark and Lucy when we got back, Claire understood that I probably didn’t want to say that right after learning about it.

That revelation had me wondering so many things. I never knew anything about my biological parents, I was left at the door of the orphanage where I spent most of my life when I was 1 year old. So many questions were popping in my head each seconds: who was my mom, where was she, why did they abandon me, what were the consequences of me being half like them… I didn’t even know where to begin… and this also meant that my real father had kidnapped a 9-year-old and kept him alive as his blood stock for years, and that was absolutely chilling to consider, and at the same time, I couldn’t get all the things he did to help me so far out of my head. All of it was so confusing.

“So, do you want to talk about it?”

I was brought out of my agitated mind by Lucy’s tired voice. She was lying behind me, and I turned to face her. I didn’t think our faces would be that close, our lips were probably 4/5 centimeters away from each other. I immediately told my mind to shut up and stop thinking about that.
Our eyes locked, I never noticed how deep the iris of her eyes were.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” I asked her.

“No, I just can’t sleep.” She answered.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I returned her question.

She sighed.

“I hate it, but I gotta admit, this is a pretty creepy situation to be thrown in out of nowhere.”

“I’m so sorry I dragged you into this Lucy…” I felt bad.

“Don’t be, I kinda asked for it, I don’t regret it.”

“He’s my father.” I felt a sudden need to tell her about it. “At least that’s what he said, the man in the Doors Realm, Martin’s captor.”

She looked confused. I elaborated, making sure that she had the full picture. At the end, she stayed silent.

“What do you think about it?” I asked.

“That it’s just getting creepier.” She said.

That wasn’t a crazy answer, but surely not what I expected.

“How so?” I asked.

“Isn’t something really starts to bug you in all this?” She answered.

“I mean, yes, thousands, but…” I said, ironically.

“Yes of course, but, I mean, don’t you think everything is a bit too tied together? I mean, really, look at it: Mark ends up babysitting Claire, who’s affected by some vampire-curse, and haunted by an entity that seems at the center of the whole thing. She gives him the curse. They leave together to investigate about Mark’s dark secret and ends up saving his old classmate from a man that has the same condition as them and used him for years. They then fight the entity and hurt it so bad that it breaks itself apart from its human part, which somehow finds shelter in a boy that I, the neighbor of Mark’s “sexfriend”, already knew. And now, the man that held Martin captive happens to be the biological father of the hook-up of the ancient classmate of that same Martin he kidnapped. That classmate comes back to save him, and they end up locking the man in the Doors Realm, which will eventually lead him to encounter his daughter, you... I mean, the way all of us seem to be linked together, it rubs me the wrong way.”

I never thought of it until now. She was right, those constant connections tying everything together, it was creepy.

“I’m sorry you have to be involved, really.” I knew I was repeating myself, but I really felt guilty.

“Hey, I already told you it was okay, I chose this, you’re not responsible of my actions Sarah.” I felt her hand slowly touching mine under the thin plaid we shared. “Plus, it’s not all bad…”

“You can leave anytime you want Lucy. I won’t be mad you know…” I said.

“No, even with all that, I don’t want to, because, … God, that’s so hard to explain with words.”

I smiled. Despite all the confidence she had shown in the little thing that was slowly blooming between the two of us, she still had some difficulties at times, and I thought that was cute.

“It’s okay, I’m good at interpretation…” I said, encouraging her to share what she was feeling.

“The point is that I see it’s not just me. I feel your company, and I can’t fail to believe it’s not just me. I know you’re feeling the same way…” She whispered.

I had a little laugh.

“Are these song lyrics? Because it sounded like it.” I asked with a smile.

She had a embarrassed expression.

“I arranged them a little bit…” She said.

“And what song was it?”

“Ho I’ll never tell you!” She said laughing quietly.

I grabbed her hand, and she placed her other one on my cheek. It was soft. My eyes looked instinctively to the window. I saw Claire watching me with a small smile. Mark was still speaking, and she articulated silently a phrase that I could read on her lips: “We’re going to take a walk.” On that, she took Mark away from the car, and their voices faded away. I looked back to Lucy and our faces were now even closer than before. I won’t elaborate here, that’s not the place, I’ll just say that her lips and all of her skin were soft and that, with all my experiences so far, I still never felt that way before with anyone.

I finally found some sleep.

We both woke up today to the voices of Mark and Claire. They were ready to go and, after reviewing one last time the plan together, we started driving. Approximately an hour later, we arrived at the center. Lucy and I got out of the car, Mark and Claire would be waiting for us on the parking lot.

Lucy took the lead, and we passed each door without problem. Arrived at the main room, we didn’t had to look for Nicolas for long. He was sitting alone at a table, drawing. We approached him and sat on each side. Lucy made me a sign to tell me that she should probably speak first for now. She took a soft and calm voice.

“Hello Nicolas.” She said.

“Hi! Who are you?” He immediately said, staring at us.

“We are here to talk to you, we just want to chat a little bit, if that’s okay.” Lucy continued calmly.

“Sure, that’s cool. What you wanna talk about?” He was speaking carefree.

“Well, first, do you think you could tell me about why you’re here?” She asked.

Nicolas leaned towards us and whispered.

“I have a special friend.” He said, with a little proud smile. He then changed to an annoyed face. “My parents, the doctors, they don’t like him…”

“Do you know who he is?” Lucy whispered back, mimicking his behavior. I was a bit impressed by how good and effective she was at talking with him.

“Not really, he never tells me his name. But he’s so funny!”. He said happily.

“And how do you talk with him?”

He pointed his head and winked to us.

“Right there, he’s here! He says he can’t find his door, I don’t really understand that, so, sometimes, I allow him to use mine, just a bit, because, when we’re doing that, I’m in a dark place, and sometimes I hear scary noise, so he never do it long…”

“You know, I think we already know your friend… His name is Vessel. I don’t know how it works between you two, but he needs to know that he’s not safe. And, if we could talk to him for just a little time, we could help him… do you think you could do that?”

He had a scared look.

“I can feel he wants to come right now, he wants to talk to you too.” He stayed silent for a moment. “Not too long, okay?”

Suddenly, his expression changed. He looked terrified. He stared at us.

“Hello misses. I don’t understand, why do you say I’m in danger?” His voice was shaking, but also very formal.

Lucy looked at me a bit lost, clearly expressing that it was now my turn.

“Hello Vessel. Well, you can’t stay in Nicolas, it’s not safe, you should…” I stopped when I saw that Lucy was looking me dead in the eye with that exact expression: (=_=). I understood that I probably wasn’t very smart in my approach. She took the lead again, which I thought was probably a better choice anyway.

“Listen Vessel, we’re here to help you. What we said is true, you’re not completely safe in there. I know you feel better, but, it’s not safe, Nicolas’s door didn’t close, and don’t you think it’s a bit unfair for Nicolas?”

“You’re probably correct…” said Vessel.

“But listen, we’re not going to ask you to just leave, no, we’ll find a solution together, okay? But for that, we’ll need you to join us.” Lucy said.

“How can I do that? I don’t want to go back to the dark place, there’s the beast, and, if she gets back, I’ll be mean and alone again…”

Lucy thought for a moment.

“Well, you’re gonna wait at the door, and when you’ll hear 3 knocks on the other side, you’ll go out, it will be us, so you won’t be alone, and we’ll find a solution, okay?” She asked.

“You will be here?” He asked, pointing his finger to Lucy.

“Well, Sarah here, and another friend will.” She said.

Vessel looked worried, but he accepted. We then instructed him to let Nicolas back in. Lucy explained to Nicolas that he was going to lose his friend, but that everything will be better and that he’ll be safer.

We left the center after that. We got back to the car and explained what happened to Mark and Claire. Claire agreed to take us back to the Doors Realm, as we were convinced that the key to solve all this was there, and that now that we had access to that new part of Vessel, this could be the moment to fix everything. We drove to an isolated place on the side of a lonely road.

Claire and I were getting ready to enter the Doors Realm when Lucy made a request.

“I want to come with you… I have to!” She was a bit hesitating but decided.

“Why is that?” Asked Claire.

“Vessel, or, we could call him young Vessel, well, he’s scared, terrified even. You two, I don’t think you’ll be great at dealing with him, but I think I can help. If I’m there, he’ll be way more trusting I think.” She was speaking with confidence. From what I saw at the center earlier, she had a point.

“Do you think you can make it?” Mark asked Claire.

“I should be able to, I’m more worried about her… Lucy, I can take you there, but you’ll be in more danger than us. You’re entirely human, you’re not supposed to go there in the first place, so I think that you’ll be way more affected if something gets to you in any way.” Claire said.

“It’s okay, just, send me back here if there’s any risk of me getting hurt.”

“Fine, so, are you two readies then?”

Lucy and I nodded yes. Claire gave a look to Mark, and he nodded too. The three of us held hands and closed our eyes.

A few seconds later, we were back in the hallway of my foster home, like each time before. I knew I was going to hear it at any moment, my foster dad calling me downstairs. Claire and Lucy both already saw that memory play out in some way. Lucy immediately held my hand.

“Sarah, …” Claire didn’t know what to say.

We heard it. “Sarah, daddy needs your help, come down here.” It sent chills down my spine.

“Sarah, we can just leave, okay?” Said Claire.

But when she tried to open the front door, it was unmovable. I knew what it was.

“Claire, I think we can’t leave the house until the memory plays out.” I said.

“Well, then, we can just wait here, can’t we? You don’t have to face it.” Said Lucy.

“Stay there, you two, I’m going to fix this.” I said. I felt confident, more than ever before.

“But Sarah…” Claire started.

“Only come if I ask you to, in case something wrong happens.”

With that, I headed towards the stairs to the basement. His voice kept calling me: “ Come on, faster, Daddy needs you.” I slowly walked down the stairs, each steps getting me closer to the moment that followed me for years. I finally walked down the last step. He was standing there, with his awful smile, just like that day.

“Come closer, I have to show you something.” He said.

I looked at him. Now, in front of him, I wasn’t scared anymore, all I felt was sadness, pride and pity. Pity of seeing this fucked up man that had hurt so many children, and that was probably still living with the guilt and the loneliness that came with it, sadness of having been one of the children that he hurt so deeply, but pride of also having been the one to expose him, preventing so many other children that could have followed me.

“No.” I said.

His expression became annoyed.

“Is that what you said to Lucy?” He said.

I closed my eyes, and images of last night flashed in my head. I knew he just gave me the strength to beat him. I opened them and slowly walked towards him. He smiled and opened his arms. I put my hands on his chest and he looked surprised. I looked him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry for you, but from now on, you’ll really be alone… Cause I’m not scared of you, you don’t define me.” I said calmly.

With that, he disappeared, and with him, the whole house faded. Soon we were in the dark space. Lucy and Claire looked at me, concerned.

“I’m good.” I said. I turned my head to Lucy. “I promise.”

We walked around for a few minutes, looking for Nicola’s broken door. We knew it wasn’t appearing as easily as the other ones. Eventually, we encountered the man that captured the Martin, the one who told me he was my biological father. He looked at us.

“You’re there! Did you find a plan?” He asked, out of breath.

“The beginning of one…” Said Claire.

“How much time will it take you?”

“Why?” Asked Claire.

“He’s really not far, I’ve been running away from him, you can’t take too much time or…”

He was cut off by a loud scream. The beast, Vessel’s violent and cruel part, was already close. Immediately, we could see it running towards us. If we didn’t move fast, he’ll get us, but we had to find Nicola’s door. The man looked at us with a panicked face, which slowly morphed into a desperate one. He looked down and whispered a few words to himself. He lifted his head and looked right at me.

“Your mom’s name is Debby, and she’s the sweetest person I ever knew.” He said. He then turned his head to Claire. “Whatever it is that you have to do, do it now.”

He turned to face the beast that was approaching, running on all fours, and started to head towards it. He soon found himself in front of it and it immediately pierced his chest with its long claws. The man screamed of pain, and shouted one last thing to us: “Come on, do your thing!” I realized I didn’t know his name.

The three of us started to run randomly, looking all around for Nicola’s door while the beast was taking care of the man. At some point, Lucy shouted.

“Is that it?”

She was pointing Nicola’s Door. Claire and I came to her. Then, Claire started to walk slowly towards the door. We knew we had to move fast, as the man will eventually stop interesting the beast, but we also knew that if we weren’t careful, the door would disappear. Claire finally reached the door and knocked 3 times. We had to wait a few seconds before the door started to open. A young boy, probably 8 years old, covered in stains, he was very dirty, and dressed with clothes that looked like they were from another time came from it. It was young Vessel. He looked terrified when he saw the beast in the distance. He then saw that Lucy was there and ran to hug her. Claire took care of closing the door behind him, that then disappeared. He was staying close from Lucy and looked at us.

“Hey, we’re going to find a solution, okay.” Said Lucy.

“Who’s the little lady?” He said, pointing to Claire.

Claire had an annoyed look.

“A friend, alright?” She said with a very dry tone.

“And what is this now?”” I asked. Some sort of old cabin made of wood had appear close from us.

All of us looked at it, trying to recognize something from any of our own memories, but it didn’t ring any bell. That’s when young Vessel had a little gasp.

“Ho, no, no no no, we shouldn’t go there.” He said. His voice was shaking as he grasped to Lucy’s leg stronger.

“Why is that? Do you know what this is?” Asked Claire, clearly not wanting to waste too much time.

Young Vessel looked at Lucy, who nodded to him. He looked at Claire again.

“It’s the old woman’s house, it’s dangerous, I don’t want to go back misses…”

Claire approached him slowly.

“What happened there, do you remember?” She asked him.

He hid a bit more behind Lucy.

“It was a long time ago, I think, I don’t remember… I know mother told me not to go in the forest alone, I shouldn’t have, I know, I’m very sorry. But I went, and then, I saw the house. I got inside, I thought it was abandoned. I touched a few things, but not too much, I swear… But the old woman, she was there, I didn’t know she was living there, but she saw me, and then she asked me if I had friends, but I didn’t so I told her I did not, and she asked me a lot of questions, and she started to say weird things. I felt weird, it hurt. And then I got here, in this scary place. I could never open my own door, and I was all alone, and it was horrible. But then, not long ago, my door finally reopened, and I saw 2 people that I didn’t recognize, but they left fast. After that, my door cracked and exploded, and the beast came out of it. It was scary, and I ran until I found Nicola’s door… So, it’s dangerous inside…”

All of us looked at each other wondering what to do. Lucy looked to him.

“Well, if it all started there, maybe we can solve everything there too, don’t you think?” She said. “And we’ll be with you, so, you won’t be alone…”

He looked a bit worried, as Claire seemed clearly eager to move. He eventually accepted and we all started to walk towards the cabin. We walked the few steps. The wood was rotten, covered in moss and lichen in places. Claire opened the door, and we got inside. It was filthy, dark, the only light coming from the dirty windows, which was weird, as it was supposed to be dark outside. Looking at it again, we could see a forest at daytime on the other side of the glass. We waited in silence for a few seconds, wondering when something will happen. It didn’t take long.

All of sudden, a closet located at the back of the room opened slowly. We could see an old hand with thin fingers and dirty nails holding it from the inside. All of us got closer to each other. A deep and heavy breath was suddenly heard coming from the inside of that closet. The door opened more, revealing an old lady. She was short, and excessively thin, it was like she only had skin covering her bones and no internal organs. Her nails were long and pointy, and she was wearing a simple, dirty robe, looked hand-made.

She had a wide smile on her face that was revealing perfectly white teeth that seemed completely out of character, looking at the rest of her body.

She walked out of the closet and stared at each of us. She was reacting to our presence, which meant that was not the memory playing out. She then noticed young Vessel hiding behind Lucy, her smile became wider, her jaw clenched more, making her face lokk way more sinister.

“There you finally are… Long have I waited…” Her voice was the one you’d expect from an old lady, but with a more twisted tone to it. “But you’re not the whole thing… Let’s get him.”

She stood straighter and all her bones made a cracking sound. She lifted an arm and her finger elongated. She shook her hand a little. Suddenly, the beast appeared in the middle of the room, and it looked terrified by the old woman. It was trying to move but was like stuck by invisible ties. The woman was looking straight at it with an even creepier smile than before.

“Now, let’s get to the good part… We’re going to get rid of this.” She made another hand move in its direction.

The beast progressively took the form of a young man, probably in his late twenties. He finally fell on the floor. He was sitting there, dark circles around his eyes, he was dressed simply but pretty elegant. He looked extremely tired, his eyes were looking at the ground. He seemed out of breath. His face had an angry but exhausted expression. We were now in the presence of the other Vessel, that had his entire rage and curse taken away from him

“You…” Claire said.

The man looked up to her and had a face of surprise.

“Claire? What are you doing here?” He asked.

They both looked surprised.

“Well!” Said the old woman. “You took your sweet time, didn’t you Vessel?”

He looked up to her with his angry expression coming back.

“You’ve done more than I could ever hope you to, even refusing to die…” She continued. She was smiling, clearly mocking him. “Now tell me, now that it’s out of you…” She leaned towards him. “… how do you feel about everything you’ve done?”

He looked so devastated. She laughed. Vessel started to look at us and noticed young Vessel standing behind Lucy. He seemed shocked to see him. He somehow found the strength to get up on his feet and slowly walked towards him. Young Vessel came out of behind Lucy a little bit. Vessel got down to his level. He had a slight smile on his face.

“God, how young was I…”

He presented his hand, and young Vessel held it.

“How could I forget you… I’m sorry little one. I think it started because I wanted to protect you… Can’t say I did a great job…”

“Come on, Vessel, you know it’s time now… I can’t wait to enjoy everything you gathered for all this time.” Said the old lady, still giggling. Her face had a creepy look to it.

Vessel looked down to his feet.

“It’s time for us to go my friend.” He said to Young Vessel.

“Are we going to die?” He asked, his eyes filling with tears.

“I think so.” Vessel answered calmly, his face showing a thousand regrets.

“But, I don’t want to die…” He said, crying.

“I know…” Vessel said.

He got up and stayed silent for a moment. He then turned his head towards Claire.

“For what it’s worth,… I’m really sorry little lady… You’re really impressive you know.” He said. He then turned towards the old woman and addressed us one last phrase.

“You can leave now, It will be okay, but be fast.”

Claire and I started to go back to the entrance door. Young Vessel was crying. Lucy looked confused. I called her, telling her to hurry. She had a panicked look. She finally leaned towards young Vessel and whispered something in his ear. She then looked at him as he stopped crying.

“You understand?” She asked him.

He nodded yes.

On this she followed us. The three of us started to run to find our doors. I asked Lucy what she said to young Vessel, but she answered that she just reassured him. Eventually, we found ourselves in front of our doors, and I had the surprise to see that the claw marks and scratches on my door had fade away. We looked at each other, Lucy looked at the cabin one last time, and we all went through our doors.

We came back to the car. Mark was out of breath. We weren’t at the spot we were before. Apparently, a severe storm had started to form around us and he had to drive us away. It suddenly stopped less than a minute before we came back and he could stop. We explained everything that had happened to us.

After talking a bit about everything, we understood that everything was now probably back to “normal”. Mark and Claire accepted to drive us back to our place, understanding that this time, we’ll probably never see each other again. Lucy and I were on the back seat and I couldn’t help but notice that she still looked a bit worried. I asked us what was wrong, but she assured me that it was fine. A few minutes passed and she still had that same anxious expression.

Eventually, she looked at the window and let out a small gasp that I was the only one to hear. I looked at her. A little smile formed on her face and quietly said: “I knew it” and winked to the window.

“Are you sure you’re fine?” I asked, pretending I hadn’t seen that.

She smiled at me, a peaceful warm and beautiful smile, and hold my hand.

“Yeah, it really is now. I’m good.” She answered.

I’m in the car as I’m posting this. I think it’ll be my last update, at least I hope so. It’s crazy how so many insane and fucked up shit I’ve been through these last few days, and yet, I’ve never felt so good. In a way, I think this is the best thing that ever happened to me, at least, when I look at the person sitting beside me, that’s how I feel. Thanks to those who followed me.

Killer Grips: Anne Maria, Brick, Jasmine, Justin, Millie
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, MK, Ripper, Scott, Sky
Episode 6: The Aftermath I: Trent's Descent
A riff from an electric guitar opened the episode as a pair of purple concentric circles flew across and back in the screen towards the upper-left corner, a group of smaller, bluer circles flying through them in the same direction but at a higher speed. As it neared the top of the screen a large and blocky red 'T' flashed into existence and descended back down, and the background music continued into a theme fit for an evening talk show. A similarly-styled 'D' and 'A' appeared next as a few more purple or blue rings crossed the screen, then the three letters slid in from the left to spell out 'TDA'. The word 'AFTERMATH' popped up from the bottom of the screen, temporarily bumping up the first three letters before they slammed back down and centered the text in the middle of the screen.
A gleam swept across the text from upper-left to lower-right, and the 'D' briefly popped forwards with the faint sound of a camera, turning a little bit counterclockwise before reversing into its former position.
Clip 1
"Any final words?" Chris asked the eliminated contestants.
“Yeah. You guys actually voted me off. I respect that,” Eva nodded with a smirk.
“Good luck dudes. Wicked play,” Geoff smiled as he and Eva got off the bleachers and went to the red carpet.
The 'D' popped out briefly again and another bout of recap footage began.
Clip 2
"Here's the deal," Chef stated, pacing about slowly in front of the teen. "I'll help you man up and win this thing. You don't ask any stupid questions and you split the prize with me.” He leaned in closer towards Brick's face. “Like they say, it's an offer you can't refuse. I won't let you," he finished with a deadly scowl, much to Brick's discomfort.
The 'D' popped out a third time, signaling the start of another set of recap footage.
Clip 3
“Trent, it's time to go!” Chris informed the eliminated contestant.
Trent got off the stands. “Before I do, can I at least say goodbye to Sky?”
“You could, but it'd be pointless since Chef will just carry you to the limo,” Chris smiled.
“Alright,” Trent sighed and faced his former teammates. “I'm really sorry about my actions, guys. I'll see you later.” With nothing left to say, he turned and walked down the red carpet.
A fourth time the 'D' popped out, and the last set of recap footage played.
Clip 4
"Izzy!" Izzy was left gaping. "Time to go!" Chris announced.
“I'm not going anywhere,” Izzy objected. “That's not my name.”
“Can I get a pen over here?” Chris raised his hand in annoyance. A pen was given to him, and he started to write on the paper. “It says "E-Scope" now, okay?!” This made Izzy finally stand up.
"And remember," Chris told her as she started to walk past the stage, "you can never come back, ev-er!" The host pressed an orange button next to his microphone, and two identical guards came over and grabbed Izzy by her arms.
(Theme Song)
The same sequence used to open the recap was replayed, an unseen audience cheering wildly after the 'TDA AFTERMATH' logo shined. The camera faded into a shot of a stage from the shadowed audience; it was set up like a talk show with one couch and table in the middle, and two tiers of couches on either side. A variety of lights both stage and decorative were scattered around, and to the left was a passage backstage half-hidden by dividing walls and the dark red curtains that framed the set.
And most importantly, sitting on that central couch, were two figures. Damien on the left and Priya on the right.
The camera zoomed in on them as the applause died down, a pair of computer displays visible on the table turned towards the hosts as Priya waved. "Hey there everyone!" she greeted with a smile. "Welcome to the brand-new Total Drama Action Aftermath Show!"
She paused as the audience cheered and applauded again, and once they'd died down, Damien spoke up. "We're coming to you live," he said, "to dish everything Total Drama Action!"
"This is where the real action is!" Priya said to another bout of cheering. "I'm Priya!" she added in with a smile.
"And I'm Damien!" Damien beamed.
"You may remember us from the hit series Total Drama Island," Priya continued.
"And it's thrilling sequel, Total Drama Action," Damien said, “even if we're not on it.”
"I hate that we missed out on the season and a chance to get the money,” Priya grumbled but regained her positivity, “but we have our own show, so I think it compensates."
"Being in the sequel could've given me the possibility of being rich, but when I'm with you, money doesn't matter," Damien smiled happily at Priya, and the crowd awwed.
"Aww, that's so sweet!” Priya gushed and turned to the audience. “And with no competitions here, we get to talk to all of you."
“So about that new season. Pretty cool, right?" Damien asked, looking out at the camera.
"Of course," Priya nodded. "They get to be on a film lot and do different kinds of movie challenges. How spectacular is that?" The crowd cheered in agreement.
"Super spectacular," a voice said from off-camera, the shot zooming out to show that the couches on the right had been occupied by the other non-competing contestants. On the top row were Rodney, Sam, and Gwen, while the bottom row had Topher, Katie, and Sadie.
“We were being rhetorical," Damien pointed out, "but hey, thanks for reminding everyone that you're not invisible! Topher, everyone!" The camera focused on the dirty blonde, who took stride in the applause from the audience.
"We also brought along all the others from the first season," Priya said.
"They may be considered losers," Damien said, "but not to us."
“Aww,” Katie gushed.
“That is so sweet, you guys,” Sadie added.
"The pleasure's all ours," Damien replied. "Give it up for Topher!" he said, and the crowd cheered as the camera cut back to the fanboy. He shot a wink as the screen was split and a clip played of him smacking a fly onto his eye and getting it swollen.
"And Rodney!" Priya added, the camera cutting to the country boy waving at the camera. The screen also split to play a clip of him, showing him returning back to the game on boat.
"Katie and Sadie!" Damien introduced the two girls.
“Oh my gosh!” Katie cheered.
“We are so super excited to be here!” Sadie expressed her happiness.
"Next we have Sam!" Priya said as the camera moved to the gamer smiling at the camera as a clip played in the split screen showing him hanging from a tree by his knees before falling down.
"And how about a shout out to Gwen!" Damien said. Gwen smiled at the camera while the split screen showed a clip of the goth eating blueberries from a bush.
The camera cut over to Topher, who was engrossed in a phone call. "How long are the papers going to take?" he asked before noticing the audience. "Sorry mom, but I'll have to call you back later!"
Priya and Damien shared a glance before Damien smiled at the camera. "We've also got a lot of texts and emails from all of you!" he said excitedly.
"Plus," Priya said, "we'll have a couple of you on webcam!"
"Eva and Geoff will be here," Damien announced, and the crowd went wild.
"And let's not forget our favorite nutcase, Izzy!" Priya added with a smile, earning another roaring cheer from the crowd.
"Plus the guy with the soul of music, Trent!" Damien finished to another round of applause.
"You know what's strange? The four that you two mentioned were part of the final six in Island along with Scott and you, Priya," Topher said.
"That is pretty shocking," Priya added. "Eva and Geoff especially."
"Eva could have won the season again, but I guess no one wants a repeat," Sam laughed a bit.
"We've got a lot to talk about," Damien told the audience. "It's almost time to welcome our first guests," he announced, "but first, take a look at this!" The nervous wreck looked up to the wide and flat television hanging above the central couch.
The television's static cut to a clip of Geoff and Eva running together to escape the monster. "Geoff and Eva's time on Total Drama Action may have been short," Damien said.
"But it sure was packed with the action that we grew to love," Priya continued as Eva and Geoff stuck their heads out from behind a cardboard cutout of a small red car.
"Eva managed to recover from her broken ankle from last season," Damien continued as the muscle woman was shown running through the sidewalk.
"And Geoff proved that losing a tooth doesn't mean losing your positivity," Priya said as footage of Geoff showing off his golden tooth replacement was shown.
"And they both did well for themselves, even if they didn't win the second challenge!" Damien followed up as clips of Geoff and Eva being shown on the ground along with being shot with paintballs courtesy of Chef played.
"But unfortunately, they weren't able to play for another day!" Priya continued.
"I don't even blame the contestants since Eva and Geoff were last season's Final Two," Damien spoke as a clip played of the two going into the limousine. "At least they still have their friendship!"
"One has eaten dog food," Priya said, "and the other has taken control of a forest fire. Our first two guests are Geoff and Eva!"
The Aftermath theme tune played and the crowd went wild as Eva and Geoff pushed open the backstage doors and walked out, smiling at both the audience and the hosts as they took their seats on the lower couch on the left.
"Hey guys!" Priya greeted with a smile as Damien waved.
"Damien! Priya! Glad to see you two again!" Eva said happily.
"Yeah!" Geoff added. "You two getting the hosting gig is impressive!"
"Great to have you guys!" Damien told them. "Sorry you two got eliminated first."
"No need to apologize," Geoff said. "We didn't leave completely empty-handed!"
"Wait, how so?" Damien asked in confusion. "You didn't win the money."
"Not like that," Eva answered. "Geoff managed to take pictures of everybody and everything from the first two seasons to put onto his scrapbook."
"And Eva managed to use part of her money to get construction to build her dream gym," Geoff added. "It's still in construction by the way."
“So how did you two manage to become the Aftermath hosts?” Eva asked them.
"The producers took note of me and Damien's relationship and decided on us being the hosts," Priya answered. "I couldn't pass up this opportunity."
"And plus, the other non-competitors either refused or were turned down," Damien added.
“They especially turned me down,” Topher grumbled. “I would've made a great host.”
"That's pretty understandable," Eva said. "I sure as heck don't want to run my mouth longer than I need to."
"Yeah, hosting a show is something I won't be able to perform well in," Geoff added.
"Moving on," Damien said, "how does it feel being the first two voted off the show?"
"Honestly, I gotta say it was kinda like a punch to the gut," Eva admitted. "I know I'm strong, but I didn't think the contestants would team up to vote us out in just the first episodes."
"I didn't mind as much," Geoff interjected. "I mean, I did want to win the million dollars, but given how we competed in every episode of the first season, it seems fair for us to go home early this time around and give the others a shot. And besides, money isn't everything."
"Thanks for your inputs," Priya said as the camera cut over to her and Damien, "I think it's time for a game called 'Truth or Hammer'!" The crowd started to go wild.
A grand tune played as a shot of a golden statue of Lady Justice was shown. The camera slowly pulled back from it, and as the music ended a large wooden mallet swung down from the left and smashed it to pieces.
Damien stood up as the scene cut back to the hosts and guests. "Here's how this works: we ask you a question, and if you give the wrong answer, a huge hammer will swing down on you."
"Uh, what?" Geoff said as he and Eva looked at each other nervously.
"Eva, Geoff, move out of the way as we do a test run!" Priya announced, and a giant wooden hammer immediately swung down at Eva and Geoff, the two barely avoiding the hit.
"Looks like the hammer is working well. How about we get to the questions?" Damien turned his head to the reality TV fan.
"Absolutely," Priya agreed. "So Eva, after winning last season, why do you think things didn't go well for you this time?"
"Like we both said, we were big time threats. If we didn't get voted off in the second episode, one of us likely would've been in the final two again," Eva answered and looked above her, the hammer still remaining in its position.
"I'm a strategic player, and if I wasn't the first season's winner, I obviously would've voted out the strongest player just so I could get closer to winning," Eva continued.
"Good answer!" Damien said. "So Geoff, are you even remotely mad at not winning the first season and getting kicked off in the second?"
Geoff looked up. "I'm not going to lie at all, especially when there's a hammer that can crush me," the party guy said. "I'm kind of upset."
Everyone was silent for a moment before it became clear the hammer wasn't going to swing down. "I mean... it's like you got dreams for this money and to see them flushed down the drain is disappointing," Geoff explained. "But it is what it is. I had a good time competing, and I got news from one of my brothers that my golden tooth can be sold for money, so at least I got some compensation."
"I'd suggest cleaning the tooth before you sell it," Damien advised before looking at the camera and smiling. "So how about we hear from one of the viewers!"
"Let's see," Priya said, looking down at the computer display on the table in front of her. "CunningLinguist316 asks: Who are you rooting for now that you've been eliminated?"
"Well, I'm rooting for Sky," Eva answered. "I can see some parts of myself in her, and she's one of the more worthy players in the game."
"I'm hoping my man Chase wins," Geoff answered. "He's super athletic and fast, and we're sorta like each other in many ways."
"Good to hear your thoughts," Damien told them.
"Exactly!" Priya added. "But I think it's time we bring out our next guest."
The camera panned up to the wide-screen television as footage of the wild child began to play. "Izzy's time on Total Drama Action may have been short," Damien said over a clip of Izzy pushing Ripper out of the way and getting captured by the animatronic monster.
"But it was a thrill ride," Priya added.
“Seriously, Izzy can make a bowl of paste tasty by adding herself to it,” Damien quipped over Izzy getting dropped into the bouncy castle.
"Later on, she suffered a serious blow at the hands of Chef," Priya added over the footage of Izzy falling onto the ground after getting shot in the chest with a paintball and Chef looking over her in worry.
“Chef thinks he's killed her. Look how scared he is!” Damien chimed in as the recap footage paused on Chef; a red circle was drawn around Chef's face.
“Never thought he'd have a sense of humanity. Check this part out! Super hilarious!” Priya giggled over Izzy standing up and laughing about her fake death. “Unfortunately, it was Justin that ruined Izzy's chances when the two took to the stage.” The clips of Justin performing his role and Izzy grumbling over her loss played.
"Dramatic and devious, Izzy will be back for more," Damien continued as the footage showed Izzy getting up from her seat and blowing kisses as the limousine took her away.
The scene returned to the hosts. "Our first guest has impersonated a grizzly and was caught peeing in a pool. Currently number eight on the RCMP's most wanted... Izzy, A.K.A Kaleidoscope!!"
The crowd went wild as the Aftermath theme played, but it suddenly stopped as the hosts looked up at the television. It was now showing footage of a room backstage where Izzy was currently sitting on a couch and eating crackers. The crazy girl had a snack tray-laden table in front of her, and to the left was a television showing the same feed as the one on-stage.
Izzy took notice of the television set. "I'm on TV!" she exclaimed before accidentally spitting out her chewed-up crackers, making the audience laugh quietly. “Oh, oops. Cracker crumbs, you get back here!” She grabbed the crumbs, along with a few grapes and a cracker sandwich with cheese in the middle, and put them all in her cleavage, prompting more laughter.
Izzy stood up and walked out to the stage, the Aftermath theme playing again as she opened the backstage doors and walked out. The audience cheered, and Damien and Priya, along with Eva and Geoff - who were now on the top row of the couches - waved at her, causing her to return the gesture.
“Hello E-Scope!” Priya eagerly greeted her friend.
"Hi, Priya. Hi, Damien," Izzy greeted back as she sat on the couch. "So glad to be here."
“Awesome to have you, but it must be hard losing out on a million bucks,” Damien talked to her.
“Yeah, well... you would know,” Izzy responded, unamusing Damien and Priya while the audience gasped. “Hi, you guys!” she focused on the Peanut Gallery.”
“Hi, Izzy!” Rodney waved.
“Hi, everyone out there in TV land!” Izzy turned to the camera and noticed someone in the audience. “Graham Cracker! That's my old boyfriend Graham! He got a restraining order against me last year. Remember that, Graham?” The audience started mumbling. “So funny. Okay. We were in the courtroom and the judge was all like, "You cannot come within two hundred meters of the plaintiff or you shall suffer the consequences of this courtroom."
After taking a moment to laugh, Izzy continued her story. “The long distance was hard, but we made it work. By the way, Graham, you should get new blinds for your room. What are they made of, lead? I couldn't see a thing with my binoculars! Miss you, Graham Cracker!” She took a cracker out of her cleavage. “I am totally into crackers right now. They're just so flaky!” She giggled and put the cracker into her mouth.
“Kind of like someone we already know,” Damien muttered quietly.
“So Izzy, how did it feel to be the third one voted off the show?” Priya asked.
“My life is an open book. Well, not yet, but it will be once I write it. And you open the book!” Izzy guffawed.
“What was going through your head after being voted off?” Damien questioned.
The music turned sad. “When you realize you're not getting a Gilded Chris Award, well, I can't lie to you,” Izzy sniffed in a rare moment of sadness.
“Oh, it was that painful?” Priya expressed her sympathy.
“No, I just can't lie to you,” Izzy returned to her normal state. “I was outfitted with a lie deterrent microchip that sends shock waves at the first hint of dishonesty. Those are really nice pants, Damien.”
Izzy then got shocked in her neck, demonstrating the microchip inside the body part, but the wild child laughed it off.
“Carrying on,” Damien said uncomfortably. “So what exactly did losing out on the Gilded Chris mean to you?”
“It means I missed out on that buttery chocolate statuette. Ooh, I once took an art class sculpting chocolate nudes, my instructor said I had a real flair for cocoa,” Izzy brought up and earned another electrocution. “Okay, okay, okay. He said I was totally loco. That's what he's actually said.”
"Let's see if you can be honest while answering our questions,” Priya said sneakily, “and the giant hammer will come down if you don't tell the truth!"
“If my implant doesn't get me, the hammer will!” Izzy said, earning laughs from the audience.
Priya and Damien shared a look of bewilderment before facing the camera happily. “Want to know which questions we'll be asking Izzy?" Priya asked the camera.
"Be sure to stay tuned," Damien said. "Right now, we have to take a quick break! We'll be right back!"
The show's logo was shown again, and the 'D' popped out and transitioned the scene to a close-up of a plate of brown mush sitting on a tan-and-goldenrod striped table. Flies were buzzing around it, and part of a familiar torso could be seen standing behind it.
"This episode of the TDA Aftershow," Chef Hatchet said to a catchy elevator music-like jingle as one of the flies buzzing around died and the camera began to zoom out, "was brought to you by Chef's Roadkill Cafe, where Sundays are Bring Your Own Meat!" The camera stopped moving to show the hulking man in full, standing between the table with the plate of mush and a large stone fireplace in the background. In his left hand he held a skewer of a reddish and steaming hunk of meat resting on a plate-like guard piece. The tail of a skunk extended from the top of the meat hunk.
"You hit it, we spit it," Chef said with a motion to the steaming dish in his hand.
(Commercial Break)

Why does Nijisanji always have to do this... I've been so busy lately that even the time to write this has been cut down...
You only budgeted less than an hour to write this, you big dumbass
I-
Not only that, you also have to wake up early.
Yes, I kn-
IT IS 3:41 AM LOCAL TIME YOU SHITTY MOD
^{I-I know... please...}
THESE THINGS TAKE HOURS TO DO PROPERLY! YOU ARE SHIT AT SCHEDULING!
^\MikaCry.png*)
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It is 3:44AM local time when I decided to start writing this. I try to keep a week window to do these so it is really a "weekly" wrap up. Consistency is very important after all. Then I look at how far down I have to go to reach the previous weekly wrap up and I'm just like... "There has to be a better way...."
If I try to write every day on what happen tho and save a draft, it won't flow well and the writing tone will change and stuff. So... I'll just have to do this I guess?... Wait.. I'm already over time... WHAT THE FU-
.... *cough* Anyways.
Do you remember when Fuwa Minato (from Niji JP) suggested to a teen during a radio-callin to "buy followers"? Quite a sh-tty thing to suggest that you artificially inflate your social media followers so you get a fake number to show off. Especially on how much teens take stock on such metrics socially? There is also the question raised on how accurate their own sub counts are now (considering their talent just outright said to buy such things). What bad optics yo.
Nijisanji opens their mouth and "interesting" stuff comes out... Wait.. THAT is the first topic after the last write up? WHAT?!
There was also that picture of the Niji Retirees without Sayu. Link is a direct XTwitter one lol. Tracked down the artist lol.
Also a meme
There is also this post... "If Hell is Forever, then Heaven must be a Lie". Does Vtubing attract those with a different slant mentally or does it cause it? \looks at the mirror* ...* Hmn... At least in this context, a certain company certainly doesn't help at all.
Oh right! Sayu also had her first Honkai Star Rail sponsored stream lol (oh here is also the stream link). Considering things, it is nice that she got a sponsored stream from MiHoYo again. Personally I don't currently play any of their games (I did tho :P) so I have no strong feelings about it one way or another. I just know the lore and... its nice.
Then there is KamiiGOO tweeting on how happy she is. I mean I know that it is being magnified by the context but holy heck is the unsaid parts being echoed out so hard in the background lol
Then there was that post about Black Vtubing companies. I mean, there is certainly to be said about the one that doxxed their own talents. At the same time tho, they are not as big as Nijisanji/AnyColor and how many more people are affected by what they do. Either way, I do wonder how many Vtubing companies have been outed as "Black"... I don't have enough energy to seriously pursue it lol
Then there is that post about Sayu surpassing Zaion. The new surpases the old. Nice
NijiSisters are hypocrites.... HA
The Sky is Blue
The Sun Rises from the East
NijiSisters are hypocrites.
Fact of life folks. This ain't gonna change. They're a bunch of crazies if one is being honest.
\Sees Suisei-sama, have to talk about it**
I... I actually can't talk too much about the thing with Suisei-sama \feels the time pressure right now*. Basically, she turned off SuperChats because she already has a lot of merch that any Hoshiyomis worth their salt would be devouring (\wallet-kun dies a violent death*) so she'd rather save her fans SOME money and go with a merch instead. At least that way, they'll get something for supporting her too!
Iroha-dono must also be suffering quite a bit. As the Hoshiyomi representative, any support for her will no doubt also flow towards partly supporting Suisei-sama too... UGH... The amount of Merch... *hyperventilates* ^h-help...
Oh to be clear, I'm actually not that big of a Hoshiyomi...
That's a f-cking lie you shitty mod.
^{N-No Comment... but I swear! I'm more of a Tako!}
What time is it again...?
^\screams*)
Then there is the Meme that makes Niji Sith.... Heheh... Seeth, Sith... you know?... no? not funny? I-I'm sorry...
Remember the time when (presumably) Niji Management blocked Niji talents from participating from that certain Tekken event because Doki was in it? I believe Vox also expressed interest but it never materialized? I mean... its petty but it still tracks with what Niji Management does y'know? Late addition: One more post?
^{Oh god, I am still at a VERY small portion... I am already past my allocated schedule for this.. I'm cutting into sleep X\}X)
Dokibird hit 700K subscribers! Yay!
There is also that time when Marine-sencho talked about how "Suffocating" it is to be under Holo Management. Here is even a clip of it. To clarify it, she said on how there ARE restrictions and her manager and staff-san are on her case at times. She internally rages about it at the moment (as is normal). However, she also knows that it is because they are also protecting her too. It is not a case of "being restrictive to bully" but "being restrictive because if we don't, there is a real chance of your channel being deleted/sponsors pulling out". To be clear, there is also the fact that viewers have a nice cache of trust on Holo vs Niji that they believe it when a talent says it like this.
Considering who Senchou is and the stuff that DOES get through (for example...), one could only wonder what kind of yabai it is that DOES GET RESTRICTED. Makes one wonder y'know?
Then out of nowhere, a couple of demon guard dogs said "Hold our Bone" then showcased a small spread of their hand-signed postcards for their birthday merch. Looking closely, you can see that they ARE hand-signed. In the context of Niji, this absolutely MAULS and MOGS on a certain someone who got outed that their signature isn't even signed by themselves LOL. Did they even offer hand-signed postcards? Or are they all just stamped? No idea, I never even looked at their merch lol.
Now, to be clear, I did wish Hex Haywire a happy birthday and a very long tenure with Nijisanji (hehe), but damn did Niji Management did him dirty on his stream. Not that I really care nor watch him, but still sucks when they do this.
Oh, and remember, he's the one who f-cked around with the ashes of a friend's dead Grandfather and someone's pet fish. He's not a nice person.
Then there is that Meme about how you avoid Nijisanji without actively avoiding them. Heh.
Oh, this is what I'd like to call "Foreshadowing"?
Apparently Dokibird/Selen is unmarketable? One tweet of many that says otherwise :P Late addition: Marvel Alpha. Really unmarketable huh?
This is also Round 2 of the Transparency post btw. Just a little thing...
There is also this post about Parrot. Damn, it's only May... wait... it's only May... Oh fu-
Oh right, shihomii created the sticky post in regards to making a master timeline of things. Nice.
Remember that Foreshadowing? Well, there has been some posts that popped up on it. To be clear, for a majority of healthy sane adults who knows their stuff,responsible consumption of these mixed drinks wouldn't cause a major problem for them. The Math has been done by various people on it. It SHOULDN'T be that big of a problem. However, it was done while marketing to an obvious younger demographic that might not exactly know when to stop. There is also the fact that NO SANE COMPANY would outright say or even want the messaging NEAR THEM to mix energy drinks + alcohol. Especially on a 1:1 ratio. This is just absolute MADNESS that they said "Oh, yeah, this is fine." and gave the approval. it got even the Japanese government involved. Also, links to posts about this being randomly placed cuz reasons :P late addition: Lamy talking about Mixing Alcohol and Energy drinks. There is even a clip of it! Wild Yagoo appears
There is also a question posted. Why even be in Nijisanji?
Then there is the Comparison meme.
Gotta say that I can't understand Claude Logic. I think I'm better off that way.
Apparently, there has been some Nijisisters who are trying to weaponize the NijiJP fanbase to attack Khyo. Huh...
There is also a post about Polka-sama... Ever Blue huh...
There is also another dokibird W going to AVCon as a guest.
Coco-kaichou mentioned.
So apparently Anime Impulse's M&G tickets are still not sold out. So they increased the limit to 5. Y'know, target the whales :P. It allowed them to sell out on some more talents. Really milking those whales eh?
Artist tries to hide from Vtuber. Wasn't that successful.
So Armchair Expert did a follow-up video. This time analyzing the Zaion situation and how it reflects on what AnyColoNijisanji did to Selen. Obviously people have thoughts on it. To me, it just said the quiet, unsaid parts out loud while also throwing terms that the average person doesn't know about. Things like "Folk Devil". I remember talking on how I personally know about it already and what Armchair Expert's video did is to deliver it in a way that the regular people would understand and digest it. I wonder where I said that... I forgor lol
There has been an update for Kotoka Torahime. For those concerned, here you go!
Grim
^{Halp, I'm losing steam X\}X... my sleep time....)
Crazy Nijisister implies that they and Nijisanji will try to get 4chan shutdown. I remember cackling like mad when i saw this. I was laughing so much that I had to get water. Onee-sama was concerned for me when she saw me barely standing up trying to get water because I was laughing too much. Hmmm~
Remember folks that false flagging is always a thing. Keep an eye out.
Idol Sponsored Dokibird to watch their new gen
So Sayu did a watchalong of Armchair Expert. That was even watched by the mod staff. Thoughts and points were talked about. From both the user base and the mod team. Wild really.
So, Hololive Meet Taipei 2024. Why is this relevant? Well, they also had a Karaoke event (not concert) that can be compared to VR-SG. Pointed out in a reply by OP, it sure looks like Hololive keeps on winning even on a "Karaoke" vs VR-SG. Here is Bae posting some pics (tweet here). FuwaMoco also did one. Here is Gura's own tweet. Here is also some thoughts about it (with pics) and more replies too. This absolutely is just.... I mean.... the Down Under Concert is... a Concert. This is Hololive on a Karaoke!!! VR-SG is a Karaoke (it ain't a concert) so this is the most comparable comparisons. SO THIS JUST PROVES THAT NIJI IS MOGGED HARD BY MOST OBJECTIVE METRICS. Heck, I was recently watching an old hwikky video about AGF and I was struck on how a free DJ event in that convention must have comparable attendance while having A LOT MORE ENERGY to VR-SG. It is just wild really. Late addition: More Screenshots (along with official tweet). Btw, did VR-SG release any "official photos" of their event?
There was also a M&G comparison between Holo and Niji's VR-SG.
Dokibird is also hosting a WrestleTuber event that has HoloStars, Idol EN, and Phase Connect members in it.
Oh, here is a good reminder.
More NijisisteNDF madness. Daymn they crazy.
Dokibird W with AnimeThon bringing her in as a Guest of Honor (that's the tweet). This girl is BUSY. wtf.
Wait, NijiEN is having a *Full 3D concert* at AnimeExpo? Considering how the last one went.. \Are they Sure**?
Bonnivier Pranaja was announced to be graduating Nijisanji. I don't know who this is personally so I can't really say much. However, I don't think his name came up on any predictions at all.
*looks at the time* oh god...
My sleep...
.... *sigh*
Well... I'm all caught up... you are all too... I spent... *checks* ... too long on this... most likely because I wanted to make sure I linked things properly + watched things so its accurate.
I want to sleep.
Ugh.
Thank you very much for reading! I'll see you guys at the next post!
Yours,
CPC_Alice

I'm 29 M. Working at a pretty popular gas station in the west. I'm in the food service department. I have a manager specifically for that department. I've worked there a year. Gotten to know everyone well. Aside from the consistent new hires lol. Anyway my manager in the food department is in her 40's F. I'm encountering an issue. Her and I joke inappropriately, with sex talk. I.E. her husband and her have lots of sex. Or we say something to each other that sounds dirty but isn't meant to be. She always laughs. We ask each other personal questions such as sexual encounters and what works and what doesn't. To be Fair others in the department talk the same. There's an ongoing joke/hypothetical because it isn't funny but said in jest. Her husband has health problems and she's scared of what might happen. He's still alive and working. But he's been hospitalized every time he gets injured he's off work and stuff. My department manager often teases that other men we work with in other departments will date her when her husband is gone. The other day we didn't discuss these things. She has said I'll be her replacement husband as well as other guys in the workplace. The other day she asked me if I thought I could keep a secret if her and I dated. She played it as a joke. Just like our other comments. So what should I do or not do?
TL;DR
My department boss joke about sex often. She often uses me as an example of sexual comments whether biological or flirty questions. She's married and her husband has health problems he's been hospitalized a couple times within the year. My boss jokes about having to remarry and makes remarks towards me.

They did Jeff’s character so dirty. Although a little mundane, Jeff was a fairly collected, likable, and genuine character. I understand leaving a fairly stable job can be frightening, but it started a complete 180 character shift that always leaves me wondering why. I don’t even dislike his character (aside from when he chooses the job over myrtle, but I feel like that’s the option more people would pick than people seem to think) I just think it was so unnecessary to turn him into such an awkward and embarrassing goof. He’s consistently being made fun of and shown making a fool of himself.
I always wonder is it because he’s letting his personality show as he gets a little more comfortable with the employees? Just, inside he is an irresponsible, awkward and clueless dude? He’s not unbearable, but I can understand why most of the employees tolerate him at best. Even before the Myrtle situation. Is it a mid-life crisis?
He’s funny enough. I wouldn’t take him out of the show. But if I could change a character’s storyline in this show, it would definitely be Jeff’s. They could’ve done something so lovely with his and Mateo’s story (and don’t even get me started on Mateo) but they did such a 180 and let him fall apart after he left cloud 9.
What are your thoughts?

I (30F) have an older sister (34F) who is married (35M). I often feel as though they talk down and pick on me to the point where they treat me like a child. They also don’t respect my boundaries and assume I am available to them whenever (I recently had to move back to my parents’ which is 10 minutes away from my sister’s).
When I lived away from home, my sister would think it was funny to tell my mother that I don’t go to church. We both know that triggers her but my sister would just point and laugh whenever my mom would lecture me especially since my sister is a goody two shoes who follows all of the traditional rules.
Yesterday during our Mother’s Day dinner, my brother in law began lecturing me about how I need to start waking up earlier to “be successful”. It actually seemed like he was attacking me but no one on the table said anything to defend me. I just graduated from graduate school 2 weeks ago and have been recovering from lack of sleep before I begin my next step of waking up at 5am every morning for work. After I explained this he said with smart ass attitude, “well you still need to get up earlier even on your days off because, look at you, you’re not fit anymore and you wanna be an entrepreneur right? So you need to start doing ___.” First of all, I am content with my body and I will return to the gym on my own time. Secondly, I never said I wanted to be an entrepreneur. Luckily the waitress came with the food and it was easy to divert the conversation from there.
At another point during the night I overheard my sister and my BIL talking about how they needed help moving something. My BIL said, “oh but she (me) said she’s going to rest and sleep early for her first day” and my sister responded with, “So? Who cares?”
Other unnecessary comments toward me would be something along the lines of, “why do you have so many pimples? You know that means you’re dirty right?”
Whenever they need something and they know I’m off, they assume I’m free to cater to them without even asking. They would say something like, “since you’re off on Thursdays we’re going to need you to do ___.” Just because I’m off it doesn’t fucking mean I am available to you.
In Asian-American culture, talking back and standing up for yourself is useless. I had already confronted my sister about it after she degraded me at her bachelorette party but nothing changed. Things between us aren’t always bad but I certainly feel more respected around my own friends and even my boyfriend’s family. Can anyone relate?

TLDR: Nex who cheats and lies repeatedly took away our dog and I went rampage by exposing him to his family with irrefutable evidence.
Last several months have been turbulent for me to say the least as I was parting ways with my nex. There has been lots of pain, lots of tears, lots of sex, and a whole lot of new discovery about my ex partner during the final moments of our relationship. For the whole 8 years of our relationship, our sex lives have been lackluster and I constanly asked him if our sexual desires truly aligned. He would always be like babe I’m definitely attracted to you and it’s just that I have a low sex drive.
Even though I always had doubts in my mind but I never really saw clearly as he was always being so affectionate and he would always reassure me everything’s fine until I found hard evidence. As it turned out and I just found out about it two months ago, my nex has been living a secret life for all the years we were dating. He’s a frequent patron at several local gay spas even before we met and continued during the entirety of our relationship. The earliest receipts that I found was from the first year we were dating, and it continued for 8 fucking years. And he literally found every opportunity to go to the gay spa. Either he was working late, or I was working, or I was at the gym, he would just find every opportunity to go, like he would even go to the spa before our date night and sometimes he would go there multiple days a week. Even when covid was ravaging, that didn't stop him from going to the spa and he did end up getting covid several times. And that wasn't enough for him, he went all out by ordering a bunch of viagras when I was visiting my families in a different country for several months, and went to a bunch of sex parties and spa activities, which ended up giving him gonorrhea. I never knew he was on viagra because I always got the soft dick which I never complained. But I was nonetheless shocked by the fact that he needed to go out of his way to feel confident with his own sexual adventures. Passing STDs to me also didn't bother or stop him. I was diagnosed with gonorrhea several years ago but I was having sex with no one except him. When brought up, he simply denied and lied about it and blamed it on his ex boyfriend from 6 years ago. He finally had the guts to own it up and told me it was him passing down the gonorrhea during our last conversations. I guess I was just too in love with this guy to not see through his bullshit. And I just recently found out I was infected with HSV 2 because I never thought about checking it and the standard STD full panel doesn't always include it. It turned out my nex has been a herpes carrier years ago due to his wild lifestyle. He has had several herpe outbreaks in the past and he always reassured me it's just a cold sore and nothing to worry about and then we would make out, which was how I got it. Dishonesty is bad enough, but the thing that hurt me most is that he knowingly and repeatedly put my health at risk. It’s like he’s not bothered by his actions at all and he’s only bothered that I found out.
Did I mention his pattern of behaviors? I had to find out about all these the hard way because my nex is a pathological liar. Whenever I tried to have an honest conversation with him about our relationship (trust me, we've had dozens of such convos), he would lie straight into my eyes without a blink and it's the most sincere and affectionate eye contact I'd see. It's the same eye contact that he gives me when saying I love you. I was completely bamboozled and also because I love this guy so much until I realized it's a tactic he employed whenever we were having an uncomfortable discussion about our relationship. For example, “what’s the viagra for” “to improve our sex lives” or “who’s the guy that texting you ‘nice meeting you handsome with a kissing emoji’ ” “Oh just a guy I met at lunch. Why are you being so paranoid? I need human interactions too”. The list goes on and on and it only proves that he is the best liar I’ve ever known. He would also deny, play the victim, shifting the blame on me - like saying how I didn't come out to my family hurt his feelings a lot or how I'm emotionally unstable to always question his loyalty or how I just snap for no reason, and then the ultimate silent treatment, as if I did something wrong and it was lunatic of me to ever doubt him. All of these actions caused my world to warp and I began to question and doubt my own reality. I later learned that such behaviors are called gaslighting, and he is a master of gaslighting.
What’s worse? This guy is constantly broke and completely live off me and now I realized I invited to move in too quickly as I was trying to shake off the break up hard feelings and was really craving for company. For the first 4 years of our relationship, he lives with me in an apartment that I paid rent for. For the last 4 years, he was living in the house I pay mortgage for. The only contribution he makes is sharing utilities with me and occasional groceries. I also paid for almost all of our recreational events, such as going out, hotels, and other activities. I never ever complained to him about it because we were so in love, or at least I thought so, despite the fact that he was unemployed multiple times and I later found out he’s several thousands in debt due to missing taxes. Yet in those financially tough situations he still needed to go to spa and buy his date a nice lunch at his favorite cafe next door. I honestly can't wrap my head around it as he can only enjoy this wild lifestyle because I supported him financially. I later realized that I had just been his supply all these years.
When I presented the proof I found (and I took pictures of all of them), he literally said to me "I guess I just wish none of it were true" and threw away the receipts in the trash. He is living in complete denial as if the terrible things he did had no consequence. It’s like he didn’t realize his actions might cause his partner harm, and they did. It's like the person who's been sleeping next to me for the past 8 years was a complete stranger. While I have invested both finically and emotionally for this relationship, all I got was pain, physically and mentally, and STDs. It traumatizes me to say the least. I feel shattered to pieces.
So I decided to end things and told him to move out. I also outed him as a covert narc and brought everything up to his face. Of course that annoyed him and I got the usual sighing and silent treatment. Then I decided to leave the country in two months because of him and another career opportunity and I proposed to him that I got to keep our dog for the remaining days and he would have him for the rest of his lives. He didn’t say anything when I brought it up and I just thought it was the usual silent treatment when things don’t go his way. Yet he decided to steal our dog when I was picking up a friend from the airport. I told him to come pick up his remaining stuff and drop off the key and he ended up taking away our dog and blocking me, which I guess is the discard tactic. When I confront him about it, he’s like deal with it the registration paper says I am the sole owner. It’s so funny because he offered to put my name on the registration paper and I turned it down because I already had my cat registered under my name and I told him he should be the owner. It never really bothered me because we were so in love at the time and now it’s turned into a weapon against me.
Even though this guy is sick to say the least, our dog is the best thing coming out of this relationship. He convinced me to get a dog when we moved into the new house and I was very reluctant at the beginning because I was more of a cat person. I ended up researching on the dog and chose our puppy and named him. We shared the cost of the purchase and both financially supported him and god I miss him so much. He’s the best pup in the world.
At that point, I decided I could not take this shit anymore. Or maybe because my therapist canceled on me twice this week for our first session. Or maybe I am a covert narc myself? I honestly don’t know anymore because he always made me question my own sanity. So I decided to explode and expose him. I was feeling vindictive, confused, and at loss. It turned out the narc is just so good at pushing my buttons and he knows exactly how to make me suffer the most. He now finally has leverage over me and he’s gaining power and confidence due to his strangely wired narc brain by keeping our dog to himself. So I decided to get in touch with his mom whom I’ve gone on family trips with. He’s the perfect boy in her eyes - smart, affectionate, kind, down-to-earth, you name it (I also fell for it). His mom is also his financial supply and sends him money from time to time since he’s always broke. I wrote her a super long email including all the things I’ve been through (but only facts with proof to back up) with pictures of his spa visit receipts, viagra orders, std diagnosis, and all the good stuff and sent to his mom and cc’ed him on it. I know my therapist and most people here would strongly against this and tell me to move on and focus on self love but I just could not in that specific moment and I let my emotions took control. To be honest, it felt really good when I got his dirty laundries exposed and I know it crushed him because he always have issues with shame and this time it might be a little challenging for him to spin the narrative with all the evidence around. But will I ever be good as new? My healing journey has only just started and I need to make peace with the fact that I will not get to see my dog ever again. Good thing is my therapist confirmed our session next week. I hope things gets better from there.

Sorry for the long post, theres a lot of context
Okay, so right off the bat I was 18 when I got married. My husband (19 at the time) and I knew each other our whole lives and dated through high school. We were long distance and saw each other in real life about 5 times, and we always video called and texted. We had gotten engaged beginning of my senior year. I was over the moon.
Until my parents found out our plan. They didn't know we had planned to be wed before my husband left for basic training for the military. They were against it, and we missed out on over $3000 because they didn't want me married at 17. I would still be finishing high school while my husband to be would be in training.
So I didn't worry about it. We had then planned for my husband and I to get married in May when he got back from all of his training. It was going to be a small affair since we didn't have much disposable income.
The plan was to get married the day after my older cousin got married because I didnt want to take away from her special day she's been planning for 3 years. (I know, cutting it close, but we couldn't get married any other day because my husband would have to be at his duty station the day after)
My cousin was furious with me over this, even though we weren't having a huge wedding. I understand she has a right to be upset, but she called me all sorts of names, and said that I was just a kid and that I'm not responsible enough to be married. She also mocked my idea to be a homemaker, and said I was setting back feminism because of this plan I had with my husband. She told me to not speak to her until I changed my date or canceled getting married. At the time I couldn't change that date.
So during my husband's training, he was pushed back about two weeks. This means we wouldn't be "ruining." my cousins wedding. I told her about the date change and extended the olive branch to say she and her family were still invited.
I didn't expect a big wedding, but my family stepped up and gave me a bridal shower, and a giant wedding. My village was incredible and I love them so much. Now the bridal shower was fantastic, the only thing I wouldve changed was that I got a more white dress to wear that day.
Now the week after my bridal shower, my cousin was supposed to get married. The day came and my parents left for the wedding even though I had been invited too. (I didn't want to go because I felt it would cause drama.) They came back and asked me to come on the back porch with them. They informed me my cousin had been cheated on 3 days before her wedding by her fiance. The affair was a couple of years old, and she was devastated and rightfully canceled her big expensive wedding.
I would call this karma, but I don't think she deserved this at all. No one deserves to be cheated on. That man is for the dogs. I didn't reach out to her, because I thought she would think I was gloating or being rude to her in her hard time. (I wanted to say I was so sorry this happened to her and that I would help her with anything she needed.) I know recovering people pleaser, but I felt so awful for her.
My last dress fitting with my incredible grandmother who hemmed the dress and added small details to it, my grandfather asked if I was sure if I wanted to get married. I of course said yes but it was odd he asked 2 weeks before the wedding.
The day before my wedding was my high school graduation. I walked the stage and got my diploma, and my dad said "thank you closing this door before opening a new door." Meaning he was happy I finished school before moving on to marriage. (Which was the next day so I'm not sure why he mentioned this.)
My uncle was in town for the wedding, so night before he pulled me aside and told me, "if you have second thoughts, feel free to tell me, I'll get you out of here, and everyone will get rid of the crowd." I didn't know my family was this protective until all this happened.
The day of my wedding was a blurr in the beginning because i got sick. As I'm releasing last night's dinner into the toliet, someone calls me about a pasta salad. I listen and she tells me that she's sorry, she might be late because HER DAUGHTER WAS IN THE HOSPITAL THE NIGHT BEFORE. She was my best friends mom, and I told her she didn't have to make the pasta salad if she was sleep deprived. She said she was doing it so I made she to tell her it was delicious because it was.
The wedding happened, and it was perfect. Besides the fact we had a dry wedding and everyone, and I mean everyone brought booze in their cars. I was having fun, talking to everyone, and I saw they set up a baseball game in the field beside our wedding pavillion. (All the guests brought clothes to change into because I knew the kids would get dirty at this park and I'd rather them be in play clothes then nice clothes to help out the parents)
I walked up in my long wedding dress, took off my sandals, and walked up to the plate. I hit the ball and ran the bases in my white wedding dress. I played softball for 11 years, I wasn't missing that. I don't regret it, especially since it was so fun, and I was only going to wear this dress once.
We were leaving for our wedding night, and I was stopped by an aunt that would be living an hour away from us. courses said if I needed anything or something went wrong she was an hour away. This of course made my husband skeptical because he would take incredible care of me. (And has.)
Now we went to my in laws because our duty station was 30 minutes away. (I forgot to mention a fourth of my things from my parents house was in the back of my husband's truck because haul didn't have a pull along trailer.) We lived in a tent in the woods by their house because of father in law didn't want to hear any noises. Which fair honestly lol. We went to get my military ID and found out I needed an ID. I didn't get a driver's license because I didnt have a need to. I always took the bus and didn't have a job.
This took a week, and we had to stay in the tent while waiting for the military ID. The week turned into a month an a half because housing took forever.
During our stay, my in laws had been babysitting my husband's two younger male cousins. They were a blast but could be a lot at times. Half way through our stay, our in laws housed their cousins family for a week. This means there were 11 people under one roof. With one bathroom, and a broken septic tank. (This is how I got my first ever uti because I decided to start peeing in the woods in the middle of the night a lot of nights.)
Everyone was a little on edge, and my husband and I decided that we would live in the hotel on base while waiting for our house. We spent a month in this hotel, but it was a lot more peaceful. We finally got housing after a month, and moved in right away.
Now almost a year later, I am happy to report I have a wonderful husband, a sweet puppy, and have funny scenarios to tell my children someday because of what happened while planning my wedding, the day, and my honeymoon.

Hello all, I have tried freestyling, accapella and not. When im on beat or not, I dont know what to say and if i try to make a song idk what to talk about, then if i want to rhyme it I dont know good rhyme words or flows or just to sound good. Im 14, in the burbs, white, and like 90's ish gangsta rap with a lil mix of other genres and today. Im not sure if i could rap gangsta, but like what do I even say. Im partly depressed also, so everything is life seems like monotone and boring also and I really dont know what to do to change my view besides postivity but yeah. Im not populaur, supposedly really smart and funny tho, but idk. Like I dont know if imma be like yeah, im a fucking white dude, soundcloud rappa and i love my cats. I cant rap, but i did try track. like boom freestyle IG, but nobody likes, and every person at school jit laughs and calls me a soundcloud rappa and an eminem wannabe, like shit. So idk, any help is apprechaited.

Hello all, I have tried freestyling, accapella and not. When im on beat or not, I dont know what to say and if i try to make a song idk what to talk about, then if i want to rhyme it I dont know good rhyme words or flows or just to sound good. Im 14, in the burbs, white, and like 90's ish gangsta rap with a lil mix of other genres and today. Im not sure if i could rap gangsta, but like what do I even say. Im partly depressed also, so everything is life seems like monotone and boring also and I really dont know what to do to change my view besides postivity but yeah. Im not populaur, supposedly really smart and funny tho, but idk. Like I dont know if imma be like yeah, im a fucking white dude, soundcloud rappa and i love my cats. I cant rap, but i did try track. like boom freestyle IG, but nobody likes, and every person at school jit laughs and calls me a soundcloud rappa and an eminem wannabe, like shit. So idk, any help is apprechaited.

Ok so funny little backstory, I am from Russia and I used to know Spanish fluently like 15+ years ago, because I had a lot of internet + gaming friends, and even an e-girlfriend all from Mexico, but I never actually spoke, or listened to Spanish ever in my life. Except for the despacito song, but I don't understand a word of it lol. I eventually moved on from gaming/chatting on the internet 24/7 and got on with real life, so I haven't even used Spanish at all for over 15 years, (and I don't really see any point in re-learning it, I had my fun with it already)
But I still somehow vaguely, barely remember a little bit of Spanish, like enough to understand any random Spanish youtube comments that I happen to come across. I can still actually understand about 90-95% of it, but I can't really make any of my own sentences, or use correct grammar anymore. But today I tried to make a little song in Spanish with Suno AI (if you don't know what that is, it's an AI website where you can make any music you want, just by writing a prompt. it's really cool) I tried to do some kind of Russian-Spanish music style mix
This is the song -
https://suno.com/song/e8a0c19e-65d7-480b-b404-87c2dbc49687
I made the lyrics rhyme using the little amount of words that I can still remember. And I wrote the Spanish words using russian cyrillic alphabet so that he says it in the same way how I imagine those words sound like in my head. The AI singer guy has pretty much the exact same voice as me, and he says the words exactly how I think they should sound.
So my question is, does he have a russian accent? Can you understand what he's saying? Does it sound normal to you, or really weird?
For me, he has the most normal, regular voice ever, and I can't see any accent or anything wrong with it. But that's probably because I made it in such a way so that it's an exact copy of what's in my head. And also I don't know how the "correct" way is. I'm just really curious to find out about this. I mean I know about accents, I can speak English with a British, Australian, Jamaican or whatever accent I want. But when I first learned English, I remember thinking how I was talking normally without an accent, but everyone told me I had a weird accent. And then I really deeply analysed it and understood why they said that, and then I learned how to correct it. Even in Russia when I went to another city they told me I have an accent in russian and I was like whaaat do you meeean, how is that even possible, I don't have an accent, it's my native language bro, I speak the same like everyone else... But then you find out that you actually have an accent... I just find it really interesting, how the brain works, how everyone perceives things very differently. Like for you, something sounds perfectly normal, and for someone else it's really weird and not normal at all. You know what I mean? And you'll never really be able to know why for someone else it seems weird, unless they tell you in-depth about every detail. And only then, you'll be able to see. Like you need someone else's eyes/ears in order to perceive something which you can't. Anyway sorry for the random rambling. I'd appreciate what you think of the song and that's all :)

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/lolfuckno.
This post was originally posted to weddingshaming.
There was already a BoRU post by u/autochthonouschimera, which didn't include the last update yet.
TRIGGER WARNING: cheating, child neglect, extreme entitledness, talk of abortion
MOOD SPOILERS: infuriating, confusing, frustrating
The new update at the bottom of this post has been marked with --- ---
Original story was posted on December 7, 2021
Okay, so this girl I know from high school is getting married. We're both 22, for reference. In our senior year of high school she got pregnant, with baby daddy A who will be referred to as Adam. Her super conservative parents kicked her out and she ended up moving in with a friend's family. She barely graduated high school. The only reason she did were because of the generosity and support of our teachers and students who volunteered to help her, which is how we met. We were in the same law class in the morning and she had the worst morning sickness that really affected her ability to be in class. So, I took extra notes for her, tutored her, and brought her her stuff if she hadn't come back by the bell. I wasn't the only one who did stuff like this for her and I know she really appreciates all the assistance we gave her. She had the baby a month after we graduated.
She'd signed up for a 911 dispatcher course for after high school because where we live it's a good steady job, with opportunity for certificates and promotions. But she didn't realize how intensive the course would be and had to drop out. She started working at a grocery store bakery, just until she had a better plan. Adam started an apprenticeship while working part time at a hockey rink, and proposed to her literally the day of her eighteenth birthday, and brought up marriage because "it's the right thing to do" (I don't really agree with that but this isn't about me) and she was always refusing.
She started cheating on him after a while (we're all 19 now), and eventually leaves him for another guy because... She's pregnant again and it is far more likely that this guy, baby daddy B who will be referred to as Brad, is the father of the child. Neither of them can afford lawyers so getting any kind of custody agreement is a mess, and then their parents got involved and they did 50/50 split (still not made official). She has the baby, that does turn out to be Brad's, and everything is okay for about nine months, when she finds out Brad has been cheating on her with his TA. Brad decides to pay child support but doesn't really want contact with the kid, only around holidays and one weekend a month for his parents' sake.
She moves back in with her parents (we're all 20 now) who only accept her back because there's grandchildren around. On the plus side, (when she's 21) she gets to take that year long dispatcher course, and passes with flying colours!
After working as a dispatcher for a year (we're all 22 now) she meets a police officer we'll call Chad, who's 26 and married... And Adam's second (?) cousin (I can't remember how they're related, just that Adam and Chad are related somewhat distantly). She has an affair with him (infidelity is super common among cops apparently). She gets knocked up, his wife divorces him, Chad proposes because "it's the right thing to do", she accepts, and her parents kick her out again for being a [insert expletive here], she moves in with Chad with her two kids. They've started planning the wedding, which... Given the background is something akin to a dumpster fire. Adam is LIVID. He was desperately in love with this girl and hasn't really recovered from what she did to him, and while she rejected his proposals years ago, she's accepted one FROM HIS COUSIN WHO PROPSED FOR THE SAME REASON HE DID.
Adam has basically made a call for loyalty in the family, dividing everyone one who should go, who should give money, etc plus they're having trouble planning anything because of COVID. Her parents have outright said that they're not going, along with half of her family, and her younger sister has been going around and sabotaging what plans they can make.
She has asked me to be a bridesmaid, I said that I couldn't because I live in a different province now, but the truth is, I do not want to be wrapped up in that clusterfuck in any way . I'm just watching the arguments and events unfold on social media because this is quite honestly the most entertaining thing I've seen all year. It's weird to me that she even asked because we're not friends, we never have been. We were friendly strangers in high school, I just helped her out for one class because she needed help and I could give it to her. I was just being nice. But based on how she turned out I'm just sad for her. Three kids in four years, and she's alienated so much of her friends and family because if her actions, and I'm torn between feeling sorry for her and putting my head in my hands.
EDIT 1:
First off, all of your comments are hilarious. Second, I'm going to answer some of the common questions.
We're from a city with over 400,000 thousand people, she just comes from the neighbourhood that is made of either bible thumpers or white trash, with no in between. But the high school we went to was in a completely different neighbourhood than that.
Our school had a pretty good sex Ed course, and they gave out free condoms and had resources to help girls get birth control, and they had programs in place for if students ever got pregnant/were going to be teen parents (they also had one of those classes with the dolls for girls who were high risk at teen pregnancy but she wasn't high risk so she wasn't in that class) I don't if BC just didn't work for her, or if she never tried it.
She started alienating her friends after the affair with Chad came out, because people weren't exactly jumping for joy that she'd broken up a marriage (Chad and his ex didn't have any kids, thankfully, so there were less obstacles). When people weren't immediately ecstatic for her she started getting very snippy, rude, and was "calling the bitches out" on social media for not supporting her new relationship or pregnancy. (Tbh I'm really worried about her health because having this many babies so close together is just not good for her health, mental or physical.) People are also worried that Chad will cheat on her "if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you" and think she should avoid marrying him so that she can just leave him if it happens.
I'll give you updates as they come out, but so far it's just a lot of yelling on social media (mostly from her), some relatives slut shaming her, and people who are just really worried about her because, as funny as this is, this doesn't seem like healthy behaviour.
EDIT 2:
First off, I realized I never gave this girl a name. For the sake of clarity we'll call her Beth. I realize that I didn't mention this before, but all of these are fake names.
Second, to everyone commenting that Chad is at fault for his marriage breaking up, believe me I'm well aware of that. It is his ex wife and her family/friends who solely blame Beth. Chad is also older than her and has more life experience, so I do believe that he could potentially be taking advantage of her naivete. However, she is also an adult who is capable of making her own decisions and has chosen to make poor ones in the past.
Third, people who are upset that I'm posting this story here, claiming I'm humiliating her. She has been posting about this mess on every social media platform she has since they got engaged in July. She put this out there long before I did except she did so in front of friends, family, employers, and coworkers, as well as internet randos.
Fourth, despite getting engaged in July and attempting to start planning then, I was only asked to be a bridesmaid three days ago. I knew that there was a mess going on but I didn't really pay attention to it until she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I tried to ask what was going on, I said that she should talk to someone, but when she completely brushed me off I checked her FB and Instagram and found out about all of... This.
Fifth, I realized that I didn't really talk about how disastrous the wedding planning has been going, see here you go:

• they've had to rebook three times because venues and vendors kept cancelling when infection numbers got worse even thought their wedding was months away
• Beth has been flipping between having the wedding while she's pregnant saying she's proud of her bump, and wanting to wait until they're born because she feels fat, which is unfortunate because she's been breaking down due her insecurity on a public platform
• Beth is currently seven months pregnant
• Beth's great aunt was going to give her her wedding dress to wear (after she gives birth) but Beth's mom freaked and stole the dress from said aunt before Beth could get it and is now keeping it, the great aunt says she's too old to get in a fight and has shrugged it off
• Chad's immediate family is paying for the wedding and has been cut off by the rest of their extended family for 'choosing Chad'
• Beth's wedding colours are pink and green, which is usually a nice combo but the specific shades don't go great together, they're her and Chad's favourite colours, which is fine but she literally made a video talking about these colours for 14 minutes on her insta and both of her kids are just full on bawling in the background and she's ignoring them and she's gotten some flack for that
• Adam is finally settled into his trade and has now hired a lawyer and is trying to get primary custody and not allow his daughter to go to the wedding
• she's planning a zoom baby showebachelorette party and has sent out a registry and she's asking for crazy expensive things
• she's also set up a go fund me to help pay for a honeymoon and is making a lot of posts about how no one loves her cause the fund only has $1267 of the $20k she wanted

I'll update when I can but I'm still in school and while I do want to help her, she's refused help offered in the past and there's only so much of this I can take mentally right now.
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UPDATE:
Hey everyone, so some stuff has gone down, and it doesn't look like it's over yet. Sorry, I didn't update sooner, but Rona came back with a vengeance and totally messed up plans with uni and family. Anyway, onto the update.
From the last update - 16th - Lots of ranting and chaotic wedding planning on social media, she found a dress and has decided she will get married while pregnant, they found a local wedding venue that is very lovely, but I'm shocked she's still trying to book stuff with all of their previous venue cancellations.
December 16th - Her little sister unblocked her to call her a s*ut and tell her that all her wedding plans were stupid. This resulted in a petty and entertaining facebook war until the little sis blocked her again on the 17th.
December 18th - Beth went nuts on social media because Adam had "kidnapped" their daughter, what really happened is that because courts are moving at a snail's pace due to COVID and Adam had reason to believe that their daughter was not safe living with Beth he decided to just... Not give her back. They don't have a custody agreement, and when Beth tried to call the cops they couldn't do anything because he was kinda right. There were dozens of videos on her various social media accounts of her ignoring their daughter, yelling at her daughter for crying or doing other things that toddlers do, it turns out that everything she needed was bought by Adam, food, diapers, clothes, toys, daycare (while it was open) etc. on top of the unofficial child support he was paying every month (which turned out to be $500 a month, a number I find ridiculous because Adam was already paying for literally everything) because she refused to buy anything for her daughter and insisted it was Adam's responsibility. Additionally, after the immediate post-birth appointments, Beth never took baby A to a doctor's appointment, she always deferred that to Adam. Baby A's pediatrician has NEVER met Beth. Beth even tried to get Chad to push back or intimidate him or something, but the local police where we live are under one hell of a microscope after a bunch of dirty cops got busted a couple of years ago. Basically, the cops, and the social worker they ended up calling, ended up saying there was nothing she could do until they get to court. The social worker tried to get her to go to therapy and parenting classes, but Beth refused and went on a fifteen paragraph long rant on Facebook about how she doesn't need parenting classes or therapy (she really, really does though) and called the social worker some choice words.
December 19-24 - Just a bunch of ranting on social media, calling everyone who doesn't enable or justify her behaviour cuss words, slurs, and a whole bunch of other horribly creative things. Also, both she and Chad are under investigation at work now, but she has no idea why. I'm gonna take this time to remind everyone that 99% of this info is coming from her public social media pages where her coworkers are friends and place of employment is listed.
December 25 - I am officially embarrassed to know this woman. I didn't go on her FB page until the evening cause I didn't want to deal with drama, first thing in the morning, on Xmas. In the morning she put on a very beautiful blue maternity dress, got Chad in his police blues, and baby B in a purple romper, and then live-streamed her and her family going to the courthouse to get married on Christmas day. (According to her Twitter, part of this was because their newest venue cancelled on them after COVID numbers spiked) Overall, a pretty tacky thing in my opinion because she stated plain as day, several times, that she intended her wedding anniversary to eclipse Christmas for her children because it's just "so much more special, you know?" (I am so glad that Baby B's grandparents are filing for guardianship) But here's the thing... The courthouse isn't open. Because of COVID for one thing, but also because it's Xmas and Canada has a predominantly Christian history. She proceeded to have a full meltdown, and when Baby B cried because, y'know, the kid's mom was screaming up a storm and scaring her, Beth called her a c*nt. Yup. So done with this bitch.
December 28 - I ran into her at a vaccine clinic cause we were both getting our booster shots. She didn't recognize me at first but one of my old bosses (cause I used to work at the hospital the vaccine clinic was in) called my name and said hi, so she came up to me after my old boss had left. We talked a bit while we sat down for the mandatory waiting period after getting the shot. She asked how I was but didn't even wait for me to respond before she started ranting and complaining about her life. I was just going to sit there until the time was up and then just politely make my exit, but when she started talking shit about her kids something inside me snapped. I just said "Do you even like your kids? Do you like being a mom?" She got pretty quiet for a second and then said "no". Idk, her voice and demeanour completely changed and we just sat in silence until our time was up. I said goodbye but it was really awkward.
December 31st (today) - I just looked at her feed and, this is such a shocking what-the-actual-f*** moment. She's thinking about giving up her kids. She went on about how recently she was asked if she liked her kids or being a mom, and how she realized that she didn't. She hates her children and blames them for ruining her life, and how she doesn't want to be a mom. I mean, nothing is official yet, but what the hell?!
I'll update as stuff happens now that I have the time, but this whole thing has been a big giant mess. Also, sorry for any formatting or grammatical errors, I'm not used to using Reddit on my PC.
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UPDATE
Okay, so, some stuff has happened and most of it's good? Also, the TL:DR for this update will be at the bottom
Jan 4th - Beth (and Chad) stopped posting on all social media. I was actually a little worried she died, I mean this woman posts everything short of her trips to the bathroom on IG.
Oddly enough, this got people messaging or interacting with her social media pages because she was usually the one to start contact, and that contact was usually yelling. No one heard from them and some people started to be like "should we call the cops for a wellness check?" Until Chad posted a status saying that they're fine but are "busy, please stop trying to contact us right now". Everyone listened but it was weird.
Jan 11 - I got a notification that Beth and Chad are active on social media again, but I didn't feel like drama so I didn't check out any of their posts.
Jan 12 (today) - she messaged me on FB asking me to be her MOH. She also kept going on about the resort in Cancun that she and Chad were looking to have their wedding at... This coming February. Omnicrom is really bad where we are, so no one should be travelling anywhere. I've actually had to delay my trip back to the province where I go to university. No one should be travelling anywhere.
Beth also found out that Chad was cheating on her with one of her co-workers and called the woman a "homewrecker" on FB tagged her, and posted the texts she found on Chad's phone. But Chad is the "love of her life" so she's forgiven him, but not the other woman. Which I find very hypocritical, considering how she and Chad got together.
She also sent pics of possible bridesmaid dresses and they are the most hideous dresses I've ever seen. I know that some brides do that thing where they want to look a million times better by comparison but this was just ridiculous. One of them looked like a partially deflated balloon with feathers strapped to it. She also openly admitted that she expected everyone attending to pay 3k, 2k would go towards that guest's stay at the resort and 1k would go to her and Chad and they will expected wedding gifts, so that they could get their room for free. Apparently, she talked to someone at the resort and if she got enough people to book their rooms she and Chad would get theirs for free. She also wanted the money to be given to her instead of directly to the hotel so that people wouldn't realize that she was taking 1k of their money. Beth sent me a pic of the wedding dress she wanted, and it's definitely a clubbing dress. If that's what she wants that's fine (and for the record I do think she would look great in it, Beth's (current) dream wedding dress ) but she wants all the guests to be dressed black tie. And she's already sent a list of unreasonable requests. Such as;

• all women must wear heels (for a wedding in the beach???)
• no one is allowed to have a baby or be pregnant (really?)
• girls must have longer than shoulder length hair, boys must have very short hair, only and inch or two long
• no one is allowed to be skinnier than her
• she will be providing diets for everyone attending based on how she wants us to look
• she and Chad must get bachelor and bachelorette parties both in Canada and in Mexico that need to be "fit for a king and queen" and both must be paid for but anyone but the bride and groom "cause that's just tacky"
• no unnatural hair
• no tattoos (you have five tattoos, Beth, and in the dress you want all will be on full display)
• no one is allowed to talk to her directly, they must speak through the MOH and BM

Honestly there's a lot more but I didn't feel like typing all that out. She's posted the list on FB and IG and people are already calling her a bridezilla.
I was also just kinda weirded out because aside from the previous convo at the hospital and when she originally asked me to be a bridesmaid, we haven't spoken since high school. So I respectfully declined, stating that the virus and school were my top concerns right now. Then, I decided to check her socials to see if she'd posted anything. She had and everything was basically how it was before the hiatus... Except her kids are nowhere to be found. No "look at my cute baby" pics are kids crying in the background of her videos. Nothing. Though, based on her new pics of herself, she's given birth to baby C. I mean, she's definitely still recovering, but she also definitely had a baby and that baby is not on any of her socials, so when she responded to my decline with an attempt at guilting me to be her MOH, I asked her where her kids were. This was her response.
"Oh, I left them at the side of the road in our way home from the hospital those moochers could walk home lol"
I was like, please tell me you're not being serious (especially cause it looks like she had the baby days ago). And she replied "I was just joking you shouldn't be so serious all the time". Honey, you made a joke about child abandonment/abuse, you're not being serious enough. And then I finally got the update on the kids.

• Baby A is still with Adam, Beth signed away her rights
• Baby B and Baby C have been given to a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad who is infertile (tbh I didn't need that last tidbit of info or the three paragraph long rant about how God hates infertile women, I didn't even read all of it, I couldn't, and I didn't think that Beth could be so cruel to even think those things). I checked out the FB page of Baby B's grandparents and they're happy with their grandchild's new parents, it looks like the cousin and her husband and welcoming them to the family as another set of grandparents and will let them have access to B. So yay!
• One thing I do need to stress though is that because of COVID the courts in our areas are either moving at a snail's pace or closed, so none of this is "official" but Beth (and Chad) has signed paperwork and all that needs to happen now is presenting that to a judge.

And when I rejoined our convo she said the doc she had for baby C gave her brith control, and she was surprised cause after her first pregnancy she asked her doctor for it but he refused to give her any. She mentioned that her old doctor was also her mom's and sister's doctor, she ended up asking the doc who delivered baby C to be her new doctor, so I hope that works out.
After learning all this my convo with Beth started to go down hill...
Beth: wait, did you actually think I would just leave my kids at the side of the road! I just didn't want to be a mom, but I wasn't a bad one
Me: Beth, I think that you've been through a lot of trauma in the past few years, and that it's gotten to you mentally and that you should speak to a professional.
(Of course, Beth has been a bad mom, but she does need mental health help and I wasn't going to convince her to get it, or to not tell at me, if I said that )
Beth: what? You think I'm crazy?!
Me: no. I think that getting kicked out as a teen because of a pregnancy and having your family actively reject you and try to sabotage you must have been very painful. Plus, pregnancy puts a lot of mental stress on women and you've had three in such a short time span, I just want you to take care of yourself and get what you want in life, and I think that will start with you taking care of your mental health.
Beth: what I want... IS FOR YOU TO GO STRAIGHT TO HELL! Beth then calls me every cuss word, expletive, and derogatory word she can think of one of the words she called me was a derogatory word about people from my ethnicity and my blood is boiling that she thought it was okay to say that to me.
So, I'm now on her hit list. She's been blowing up my social media all day, on her last FB post where she called me a slur she said that she still expects a good wedding gift from me. Yeah, no. So I've blocked her on everything, and I've decided to completely cut off contact. This will be my last update.
TL:DR - Beth went on a social media blackout for a bit, had baby C. Gave up all her kids, baby A is still with Adam, Baby B and Baby C are with a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad and baby B's grandparents have access. Chad cheated on her and she forgave him, but she probably shouldn't have. She's decided to have her wedding in a little over a month in Cancun and is expecting unreasonable things of everyone already. She asked me to be MOH I respectfully declined. I also suggested that she talk to a mental health professional because she's been through a lot in the last few years and she cussed me out, she also called me a derogatory name directed at people of my ethnicity and that was the final nail in the coffin. I'm now on her hit list. But her kids are safe and I have no interest in going to wedding so I'm cutting contact completely and have already blocked her on all my socials. I'm refusing to be involved with her anymore and will not be updating on the situation.
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--- EDIT - NEW UPDATE --- - JANUARY 25, 2023 - TL:DR AT THE BOTTOM
Hi, everyone, I didn't think I would be making another update, but here I am. I don't know if anyone will even care but whatever. I saw a YouTuber, Charlotte Dobre, do an entire video about this post on Facebook (which was funny, she did it well), [editor's note: here's the video in question and also: check out Charlotte Dobre's subreddit !] and got so nervous that Beth was gonna see it. Turned out, she's seen it and does not give a single damn, because as I pointed out, the majority of the info in this post came from her public social media. She also doesn't know who posted it (more on that in the update). I am still no contact with Beth and have no plans to change that anytime soon, but we have mutual friends who have told and shown me what's happened.
First things first, she and Chad did get married, but they eloped. According to all sources they are completely and utterly miserable though. Chad has proven to be and overall lazy and unfaithful husband, and Beth has really gotten into feminism (with a focus on reproductive issues) after she started using birth control, and Roe v Wade getting overturned (even though we're in Canada) really caused tension in their marriage. As it turns out, Chad thinks that abortion is murder and God created women for the purpose of making babies.
Beth tried to argue that not all women want or should be mothers using herself as an example, and then Chad went ahead and used her as an example of why women should be forced to have kids, because in the end she gave kids to an infertile couple. She didn't take that well and said that her entire life and future was ripped away from her and destroyed the second she got pregnant with baby A. Adam was never slut shamed or demeaned like she was, both at home and at school (which is a fair point, myself and many others were helpful and supportive but there were a lot of people who judged the hell out of her and said really nasty stuff) and that if she hadn't gotten pregnant she would've gone to college or university because she lost the general and financial support of her family with that positive pregnancy test. Chad has made a Tinder account. Beth was informed but it doesn't seem like she gave a damn.
So basically you could cut the tension with a knife.
And with her family, her sister came out as gay and cut off/has been cut off from their parents. But she's got a partial scholarship so she's doing okay. She and Beth are NOT on good terms but have met up and acknowledged that their parents messed them up by being religious nuts and their parents encouraged them to be competitive with each other and sabotage each other. Apparently their dad's motto is "competition brings out the best in everyone" (ugh). But they've talked and that's good enough for now.
Neither Beth nor Chad have custody or visitation of their children, which Chad is starting to regret because he's suddenly getting more and more into the church and religion. Chad talked to Beth about getting baby C back but Beth shut that down hard and warned the cousin who adopted baby C (officially and legally btw).
Beth started going to therapy after she and Chad got married, which makes me very happy and excited for her.
There was a rumour going around that Chad has a mistress and it took me a while to confirm, but it's true. He's cheating on her with a paramedic and she knows. Beth is fully aware. Idk if she plans to do anything about it or just continue to ignore it, but I hope she leaves his ass. I'm still not gonna talk to her, she crossed so many lines, but she's grown and improved a lot and her life would be a lot better without that sac of scum in her life.
Now, I have given a few details in my post that should've revealed my identity to her, namely her asking me to be her MOH. I have found out that she actually asked around 15 girls (including myself) to be her MOH, without telling any of us about the others because she was trying to get money from all of us and because her mental health has just been very bad and she needed help. And of those 15, 8 have been going to school out of province and of those eight we all had basically the same classes in high school. And apparently doesn't remember our discussion at the vaccination clinic and had major blow up with everyone she asked to be MOH. So she knows it's one of 8 people and reportedly has no interest in trying to narrow that number down. (Chad did the same thing with his groomsmen, but idk any of the numbers)
TL:DR Beth and Chad got married (eloped), are miserable, have zero custody or visitation with any of their children, Chad's cheating and Beth doesn't appear to care, Chad is super sexist, Beth is a feminist now, Beth's sister is gay and they've talked but not reconciled, Beth asked too many girls to be MOH for money and doesn't know the ID of who made this post.
Dear "Beth", if this post gets forwarded to you or somehow graces your phone screen, leave Chad. He's trash and you'll be much better without him in your life. And though I'm not willing to talk to you again because of your words and actions, I do wish for you to have a wonderful and happy life.
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