TLDR: I’m having new revelations and want to know how my personality matches up to ASPD. Long read.
This is potentially not possible over the internet but I’m having trouble reconciling some ideas and was searching for other opinions. I don’t go to therapy.
I have never thought of myself as “psychopathic.” I’ve always held the belief that people who were psychopathic were violent. I am the opposite. As a kid, I did not outlet anger well, but by the end of elementary school it had been coerced out of me. In the past, when thinking of whether or not I’m a psychopath, I had always hard-stopped the thought because I’m not violent. Over the past few days, I have looked more into psychopathy, and I don’t know how I don’t fit into it.
I used to think I felt empathy like normal people do, but then I learned there’s different kinds of empathy. I don’t think I feel affective empathy at all. It’s essentially all cognitive empathy. I actually didn’t even realize people’s emotional state could change to match another’s when they’re empathizing. Like, hearing how someone lost a family member actually makes people feel sad? I don’t understand that. Personally, I always thought empathy was, “how would I feel in their shoes… not good, I should help them.”
I’ve always maintained towards friends that I don’t feel embarrassment. I used to think I felt remorse, and guilt, but I think deep down, it’s all regret. I don’t even understand how guilt could feel different than remorse. I channel guilt as regret for choosing that behavior, or action. I channel remorse as regret for making someone feel a certain way, because (cognitive empathy kicks in) I wouldn’t want to feel that way.
I think as a kid, I took the Golden Rule as an oath rather than a “rule.” I treated everyone the way I want to be treated. I still do, and I hold myself to strict standards. I studied math in college for 3.5 years (didn’t graduate) and developed a heightened sense for logic. I strive to be as logical as possible, justifying everything I do with it. When it comes to other people, if they don’t have a grasp of logic, I borderline cannot interact with them. I can’t really help it, but I just lose so much respect/admiration for people being unintelligent.
I feel hyper-aware of the people around me (not everyone around me, but those I’m fixated on) and am constantly analyzing and searching for inclinations that: they don’t know logic, are being deceitful, are lying, or being deceptive. I am extremely fixated on figuring out if the person I’m interacting with is being “themselves.” If they aren’t, it’s an immediate loss of respect and admiration. It’s as if I’m automatically gaining the knowledge that this person is less than me because I’m following the code and they aren’t.
I have this code of good behavior, and logic, that I follow very closely. I’m constantly observing other people to see if they deviate from that code. I really try to avoid conflicts with people. They never happen with strangers, but on occasion with people I have been close with. It usually starts with me recognizing a patterned behavior I don’t like, and I either address it, or stir up the conversation to a point where the behavior is inevitably forced to the surface, and must be addressed. I do this with hard facts and logic, and am paying such close attention to every detail — I can’t possibly be caught mixing up my words or being wrong. If someone tells me I’m wrong, they instantly become inferior to me, because they aren’t considering everything I’m considering.
I’ve never ONCE associated any of this with psychopathy until the past few days. A lot of my research showed that psychopaths do lie. They are manipulative, and deceitful — not feeling bad when they wrong someone. This could NOT be me, as I try so hard to be logical and stray from manipulation. I like facts, only.
But then I got to thinking. I DO lie. I lie about substance abuse. I lie about the money I make. The money I spend. I lie about the direction I’m heading in life. I lie about what I want to do. I lie so I can do what I want to do. I lie a fuck-ton, but only as it pertains to me. I don’t lie to gain status in a conversation. I don’t lie to create a power imbalance. I lie so that my world does not come crashing down on me. I’m deceitful towards my mother. Everything I am so meticulous about when it comes to social interaction, is voided when it comes to MY existential future on Earth.
It’s hard for me to understand if this is psychopathy or not. I used to think I had ADHD because of my dysfunction, and because I feel like my brain is very active. But the activity I refer to in my brain, I believe is just rumination. I used to explain to my friends that I have a really good memory, and it’s associated with when I have a strong emotional release. It’s almost like… a photographic memory in the moments surrounding my entrance into a heightened emotional state. I have a diagnosed IQ of over 140, and have always attributed my hyper-awareness, attention to detail, and memory to that. What I’m learning about psychopathy is painting a slightly different picture when I think back to everything I’ve thought about in the past. I thought, more recently, I had OCD. Primarily because I have obsessive thoughts about people and their social intents. These thoughts have been aroused primarily in the last few years, but I wasn’t as aware of them until now. Researching psychopathy leads me to believe I’m ruminating when my emotional state is disturbed.
I’m trying not to confirm my biases, but it is difficult to keep that line clear.
I’ve recently realized I have a bit of an obsession with control. Not that I need to be in control. Rather, other people aren’t in control of themselves, and so I make it my duty to “help” them get in control. I don’t have a lot of great examples of this in real life, because I spend a lot of time in isolation. I’ve done a lot of this virtually in videogames. The worst thing I’ve done, in the sense of establishing control, is I called another kid’s school principal, and left a voicemail lying about how the kid beat up my sister while they were walking home after school. I don’t even have a sister. I wanted it to be established — I am not to fuck with.
Zero guilt. Zero remorse. A tinge of regret due to cognitive empathy. Zero fear of consequence. And there was no consequence.
When it comes to manipulation, I do my best not to manipulate. I have heard from close friends, ex girlfriends, and my mother, that I’m manipulative. In my mind, they have all been 100% completely unjustified and unreasonable when they said it. Looking back, I try to understand where they’re coming from, but I can’t. Either I’m manipulative but have zero idea, or I’m just correct and they were being stupid to suggest that. It sounds so conceited and arrogant writing it out, but at the same time I fully believe it to be true. In my eyes, they’re all manipulators.
Perhaps there are fundamental aspects of psychopathy that are missing from my thought, and I don’t match up to them. An opinion on just… what you think of me, I guess, would be listened to. There’s probably a lot of context that I left out. I can provide it, if need be.
My final thought is, would an undiagnosed psychopath, who believes they’re a psychopath, believe a diagnosed psychopath if they tell them they’re not a psychopath? Thanks for the read.

I have posted this story here multiple times and the moderation team has locked my thread multiple times. This is ridiculous. They are doing what they have always done: Suppress or ban anyone who they don't like. They are role-playing the super earth secret police, yet again.
The obvious reason is so that they can protect themselves from the truth. By locking my posts repeatedly, they are proving my point and making me more and more frustrated: They are one of the worst CM teams I have seen. I hope you will help me and fellow helldivers out by posting this where it can be seen if the moderators continue to try to protect themselves by locking my thread that tries to fully explain the PSN fiasco yet again. They will probably lock this thread ASAP, but maybe enough people will see this and understand what's going on.
Super Earth France Reporter here. The PSN fiasco has been one of the biggest events this year in all of gaming. Yet something very strange has been going on the entire time since the 3rd.
In the past three days, Arrowhead's CM (community manager) team has not only been contradictory with itself, but contradictory with their CEO's statements. At one point - a CM tells us that we should review bomb the game even harder.
From telling players to review bomb the game, once to tell players to piss off, the second time seriously, to conveniently leaving facts out, the CM have dragged AH from the 'F incident' through the PSN fiasco. If you have ever been confused by what is going on, here is the full story I have tried to put together (with difficulty).
It feels like at every step, every single person is saying something totally contradictory with what a different person is saying if we actually compare people's statements closely.
The CM team have only continued to damage their credibility, yet again, by misleading people and trying to cover up their mistakes during the PSN fiasco instead of trying to be honest. I need to ask everyone: What value do they even provide if this is the result?
This summary of events has been put together with insight from friends who discussed the recent AH issues at length with me, probably because I am the only one crazy enough to write this much. I hope you will enjoy reading this very long piece.

The PSN fiasco

The PSN fiasco all began on the 3rd: https://www.reddit.com/Helldivers/comments/1cjvw1s/arrowhead_community_manager_misty_admits_that_the/
This conversation followed an announcement signed by Playstation announcing PSN login integration. Most likely, the review bombing had not seriously started yet. Why would the CM change their Twitter and lock the post? It is probably in response to them discovering how angry people got about PSN integration.
At this point in time, everyone began trashing Sony, and many, myself included, said that this was a money-grabbing move for Sony to raise their stock value and Sony was clearly forcing this on AH.
But this CM said that Arrowhead wanted PSN linking and not Sony. Yet there's another post that was live JUST a day afterward that showed 'Spitz' saying what sounds like the frigging opposite. This is confusing at the least and the extent of how much this was AH's idea is still unclear. The first post likely happened before people started getting angry. The second post by Spitz likely occurred with the perspective of damage control.
Something is fishy.
One person says PSN allows them to ban people better. Later, Spitz said that the PSN change, steam announcement, and FAQ all come from Sony. I found this suspect. It seems to check out at first glance. The announcement from Sony on the 3rd can be seen here. Sure enough, it is signed by Sony. But this statement likely would have gone through both AH and Sony teams before being pushed out to Steam. It is unlikely that AH had no ability to coordinate with Sony on this statement. AH knew this was going to happen at some point 3 months ago, but maybe not exactly when.

Spitz roleplaying Super Earth propaganda ministry

Spitz' discord statements on discord are just damage control. But what's more, they are deliberately meant to mislead because they are so incredibly contradictory and leave out critical information.
This is the gist of what Spitz says: He tells us that internal discussions are ongoing about PSN linking and AH is trying to find alternative solutions. If AH can't find a better way, AH won't force players to link PSN. The steam announcement, FAQ, and PSN link is from Sony and not AH, (That's some bullshit. AH KNEW this was coming and AH had some say in it. You're leaving information out.) Spitz then apologizes for telling people to either make a PSN account or review bomb the game and piss off. (Not that it means anything, Spitz will probably just do it again in the future with that attitude) Spitz finally says we should continue to review bomb the game and gives them more pull in discussions with Sony. This is crazy. Developers asking players to review bomb the game further?
Let's take a look.
On the 3rd, Pilestedt is clearly aware and sad about the reviews. But Spitz tells us to keep the bombs coming, thanks for your help. We can make a better game this way. What?
At this point time, anger is aimed at Sony and Spitz does not reveal what they almost certainly always knew provides no clarity nor honesty to us, because the CEO revealed on the 5th that they knew for 6 months (9 months now) that they were going to do PSN integration.
Spitz simply leaves out this part and keeps on saying Sony Sony Sony. But Misty PROVES that they knew about EVERYTHING with the initial tweet on the 3rd that the CMs panicked and tried to hide. There is NO mention of this by Spitz!! Unless you are telling me something absolutely INSANE - that the CM team is SO disorganized that SOMEHOW, Misty has never talked to Spitz between the 3rd and 5th during a major crisis, there is CLEARLY something suspicious going on. Spitz says we are on the player's side. (Even though the CEO later reveals that through likely internal+PS discussions, they settled on PSN integration, probably to ban people better as Misty claims) Spitz says Sony did the announcement. (AH knew this was coming months ago) Oh, by the way, Sony, not us, made the FAQ, the Steam announcement and change. (Even though there's no way the AH team did not coordinate and talk to the Sony team)

In no way is Spitz helping us. On the 3rd, Misty had said the overwhelming number of people trying to link accounts for the first half hour of launch was what caused them to disable linking. You didn't know Asian helldivers couldn't do this...? You looked at attempted PSN links on launch day and didn't notice the problem in certain areas? Nothing is 'wrong', but this sounds very strange...
Spitz claims he didn't know some countries didn't have the ability to make the PSN account which screwed over our Asia Helldivers. This sounds strange. You are telling me that 6+ months ago, AH knew about PSN linkage but no person in AH or Sony knew that PSN accounts were not possible in many areas and NO ONE brought this up? This is not Sony's first time publishing a game. The CEO also claims this, and while yes it is plausible, it is just... suspicious. And the CEO says they were 'forced' to comply with PS and they KNEW there was going to be backlash. I am just going to stop speculating here and say three people are saying three different things. I feel like I am doing law school exam problems that are like: "Bob lied, but Nancy blames Ernest. John said Ernest tells the truth all the time."

And to address the craziest statement you will probably never see a developer call for ever again: You should review bomb the game. This is what really got me interested. I don't know what to make of this remark, but here is the best I can do:
If this game trained Helldivers to do something well, it's to collaborate on a major order.
At this point in time - people are absolutely just destroying the game on steam.
AH is watching their playerbase plummet, but there is a silver lining while this is going on - everyone is angry at Sony! And almost not at AH at all. Given how deceptive Spitz has been in leaving out just the right details, Spitz - is roleplaying the Super Earth Propaganda Minister (SEPM) by pushing all the blame onto Sony and keeping AH friendly with players. In conflict with this, Misty's statement on the 3rd would have made it seem like AH was the origin of the reason for PSN integration, which to this day, I'm still not certain how much of this was desired by AH.
If the players were all angry at AH, the game would be dead or have a far harder time recovering. We would no longer trust the developers. If the players directed their anger at Sony, players aren't really angry at the game and just want Sony to back down. AH can recover much more of its reputation and playerbase more easily. This is what AH would prefer if it had the choice between one or the other.
Why am I ultimately this suspicious of their CM team?

This is because this is a story about the Helldivers CMs who are roleplaying Super Earth Secret Police just a little bit too hard.

Every time they have only worsened AH's headaches with deceptive and rude treatment of their own community.
Going back, there is a trail of mess coming out of the discord and these community team that perfectly explains how they like to operate. Here is one of the most notable examples.

The F incident

If you haven't heard of the "F" incident, it began with people spamming the word "F" in their official server chat because the game went down. People were clearly just having fun bantering. To keep control, the moderation team actually PINGED the 100,000 members in the server, telling them to stop spamming "F" and threatening bans over spamming "F".
OBVIOUSLY THIS BACKFIRED. 100,000 people were pinged for the stupidest reason ever heard of, IMMEDIATELY more people started typing "F" in chat.
WELL regarding the bans, they weren't kidding. Summary here. So real quick, putting "F" in chat got you permabanned from the server. They don't even give a reason. You'll just find out that the server is gone from your server list. And no, you can't come back.
I think the moderator who did this and not the CM was kicked out for this. (might not be true) Well. Regardless this is just a case of idiots pulling in yet more idiots.
Frankly, I've never seen a server run more poorly and the way that their official discord is managed (not very well) only exposes how rude the people in their community team is toward the community. They would be deceptive when honesty is better. At one point we all loved this game and maybe we can continue doing so. But if we come back from this their community team needs to change.

In the official discord, I mean, let's just look at just a couple reasons I've seen people get banned for.

• "banned because someone linked my comment pinging a mod, instead of the actual person talking shit, and they banned me lmao", the mod "Didn’t even bother to check why they got pinged."
• Telling a mod they missed 90% of warhammer talk
• Talking about warhammer
• Having only numbers in your username. Who even cares, and why are you permabanning people for this? Not even a kick, just permaban?
• Mistyping a word, having automod catch it, being permabanned without warning or notification. You're not kicked. You're permanently banned.
• "I'm not on the official for whatever reason. I've been banned and I don't know why. All I can think of is because I called people who kick with no warning cucks." (probably talking about helldivers gameplay)
• Being banned for asking when some bugs would be fixed

What happens if people try to appeal the bans with an alt? They can get permabanned too.
It's just a mess how AH community team sees hundreds of thousands of players and thinks it won't make a dent in their numbers if they just treat people like garbage. What is the point of this community team? Well, the problem with having these types of people on your team is shown very well in how they have handled recent events.
In the end, what seems fair to say is that PSN integration was going to roll out at launch. It was delayed. Months after launch, it was re-implemented, but this was perceived as Sony's decision, and players were suspicious that Sony was trying to inflate their user count for the shareholders. However, it appears to be more complicated over exactly who wanted how much PSN integration. But again, the lack of consistency from either the CEO or the CMs and hostility from the Super Earth Secret Police who are supposed to be community managers has been the only constant.
Thanks for reading.
cue helldivers music
Since I do not use reddit I am just using my friend's account here to share this piece with you all. I just picked a category, hopefully that works.

Hello,
I've never posted about this kind of stuff, but I've never experienced such a persistent nagging pain
My ex and I had a very turbulent 7 year relationship, I initially met her months after healing from another long term relationship, about 25 years, and that ended amicably, and to this day I see her as a friend.
The beginning of our relationship was amazing, it was very sexually charged, she was into everything and anything I did, she was sweet, comforting, a great listener, the times we had were almost euphoric. Even during this phase of the relationship, I acknowledged to myself that I have to take things slow as things are moving so fast.
About a month and a half into "dating" she got pregnant, and I told her I will be there for you, and I'll never run away from being a Father, ever! Immediately everything changed, and of course I understand why and empathize with how she may have felt suddenly being pregnant, and I genuinely cared and made myself available at all times. We only lived a building apart, we were basically doors down from each other.
Immediately she wanted to get a place together, I let her know that she could stay with me anytime, give it a trial run, but we still need to get know each other, as I just got over a 25 year relationship. She started staying with me on and off and I began seeing a complete different side of her, she would storm out of my place and take issue with little things like clothes on the floor, or an unmade bed, I mean over the top anger.
Still throughout this period I began falling in love with her, and falling in love with my unborn child. During this period I started discovering a pattern of lies, some just white lies, some extremely severe, lies that had the potential to affect any sort of positive outcome as they entailed criminal behavior. When confronted with the worst ones I was assured she would stop.
Skip ahead to the birth, I was with her, we were both content, a happy beautiful healthy daughter came from the womb. I was in love, both with my child, as well as the Mother. We were inseparable for awhile, then she became extremely controlling, even vicious at times. My time with my daughter was often relegated to when the Mother was asleep, I would let her sleep when my daughter woke up in the night and bond with her then.
One day she got extremely upset with me as I wanted to bring my daughter and her to a family event, she had an issue with a family member of mine, this turned into a CRAZY argument, that ended up with me being denied seeing my child for over 12 days. I ended up going to the courthouse to file papers that would give me the legal right to see my daughter, regardless of the status of my relationship with the Mother.
I never served those papers, as my daughter had gotten sick, and we both met at her pediatrician appointment, everything melted away and we were together again, she became loving again, we shared bringing up our child, but I began to lose touch with all my family, including my friends, anything I would do or plan to do would cause an insane amount of friction.
Through this time we did our best to be close, but the lies never stopped, and I completely began to lose my sense of self. There were times when my daughter would be completely weaponized, used as a pawn to control me, I slowly began isolating myself from just about anyone but my daughter and the Mother. We would have an argument, could be anything, big or small, and instantly I'd be disregarded, no communication, no texts, no calls, no responses. Then we would get together and she would show me love and kindness, and I'd be hooked again. This on and off pattern lasted a good 6 years. I still struggle thinking about how dark some of those days were, and I've never strayed or abandoned my daughter. She's the light of my life, just has 2 parents that can't seem to live peacefully together.
Forward to now, just a few months ago we talked and decided it would be best to part and focus on co-parenting. The 1st month was great, we were cordial to each other during pick ups and drop offs, but we stopped both putting our child to bed together. If she had her I used to always go over and put her to bed, read books, bathe, etc and she would for the most part so the same when I have my daughter. We stopped that, as when my daughter did fall asleep that's when we would connect, quite often it was just sexual, looking back it was like giving a dog a bone, it was void of true intimacy, it was just enough to keep things balanced in an odd way, it became the only affection I came to know.
This entire time, regardless of our status, whenever we were with other people she was a gem, she always would bring gifts even if not necessary, always be extremely affectionate towards me, basically playing a part.
Here's an example, I got sick one evening, some sort of food poisoning, it got bad enough where I had to go to the hospital and be treated in a bed from early morning until evening. This happened to fall on a night we had planned a "date" night. She came to the hospital to pick me up, my parents were there and she was as sweet as you could imagine, as soon as I got discharged and we were driving home, now just the two of us, she flipped on me for ruining our date. She bought tickets to a show, and she was recklessly pissed off and as mean as one could imagine, and I was still sick, she ended up storming out of my place.
These kinds of situations became normal, and a nonstop cycle of on again/off again partners became the norm.
I'm getting long winded now, but I'll come back to the present. After about a month of just co-parenting and coming to terms with ending any sort of romantic relationship, and being cordial to one another, she started reminiscing about our past, sharing pictures of happy times with my daughter and us together, pictures of just her and I, messages of love, how she misses me, will always love me, all these things, and I opened the door again. This was days before she was leaving for a "yoga retreat" and I would have my daughter. Needless to say, those 4 days there was no more communication, not even with my daughter. The 1st communication on a Sunday morning was about being together again, and sentiments of love.
This has since happened 2 more times, always surrounded by secrecy, even if it directly affects my daughter, which unfortunately it has. Come to find out she was never away, "out of town" she was just down the road at an Airbnb with some guy that fly's in from out of state, she told me all this and actually said how much I would like him, and that this guy would love to meet me, and at the same time maintaining how much she still loves me. Just whacky, not even months after ending any romantic partnership.
This coming week my daughter and her are taking their first "vacation" without me involved. I was completely fine with this, expressing how I first had some mixed feelings, because my daughter has never really traveled without me and her Mother together. Then I came to terms with it and even started suggesting places to show her, a beach to check out, dolphins in these waters, manatees here etc. The guy she's been seeing at random airbnbs lives in the state they are flying too.
It's just thrown me for such a loop. I haven't truly trusted her for a while for good reasons, lots of lies, and complete disregard for any prior planned commitments, but this just feels out of the park, and has me feeling like an emotional train wrecked weakling. Yesterday I responded to an email saying "I just need to process some of this stuff and not communicate unless it has to do with our daughter", the response was crazy, completely shitting on me as a person on how much I've wronged her and how I never cared for her and all this stuff. My reply was you are right, I'm sorry, I've been having trouble letting go, but I'm now ready too, let's focus on being the best we can be for our daughter.
Instant reply of what a great father I am, how I've always been there, how much my daughter loves me and counts down the days to when I have her. How sorry she is that she treated me poorly, etc. It's all just nuts, and I can't simply not communicate, and I'm so confused as to why I'm feeling so hurt by all this stuff while I recognize the healthiest thing I can do for myself is truly let go. I have so many mixed emotions I can't even think about dating, or even chilling with someone new. I'm all over the place, mainly sad, it's so confusing. So many mixed signals, and I think my esteem has been shattered for awhile now.
Only with my daughter do I feel myself, she brings the best out in me, she always has, she's like sunshine on a rainy day, she's the best!
Apologies for such a long winded post, may not even make clear sense, just let my "swipe" keyboard go nuts for a bit
Hope you are all well!

Note: I have written a huge post about my relationship with guy from Tinder. Here is only my thoughts about the situation that make me sad. And I feel I am still fall in love to him, but I'd rather forget it.
You can read it and leave me a comment if you wish.
I met a guy on Tinder. Before the date, he asked me about continuing the evening at his home. I said to him: "I like you, you seem like a good person, but I'm going to just meet with you and have some conversation. That's why I don't want to give you any expectations about continuing the evening."
We decided to meet in the city center and then go to a pub for a pint. Firstly, we went to the bench near the river and talked a little bit about everything. Then I noticed he tried to sell me his service as an artist. It was a little bit weird because it was a date and in my opinion, mixing private life and business is a bad idea.
Then we went to the pub, the evening was going well, we had an interesting conversation after he asked me about kissing. I wasn't against it because I liked him. During our first date, he invited me to the next date. We were going to go for a walk near the beach in the closest town to the city.
After this date, we didn't chat for a day or two, I don't remember. I texted him first, we had some conversation and he asked me if I could help him to prepare a business card for print. I could do it for him, but I don't like to mix private life and business, as I mentioned above. I said it to him and offered him help with advice. He answered me that I mixed nothing, and if I went to his studio, I would pay as well.
Then we were chatting about other topics and sex as well. He wanted that I showed him my underwear. I refused him. He said, if I show him it, he will be glad to see me again. I said: "It sounds like blackmailing, and if people like each other, they will be delighted to see each other without IF".
He texted me the next day and asked if I wanted to go with him to that town, and I agreed. We met in the city center and then went together to a train station. I felt some time he behaved a little bit cold, maybe just felt uncomfortable, I don't know. I usually have no idea what to do in a similar situation. I was tired after work and I felt uncomfortable because of him. We chatted not too much during our journey from the city to the town. When we came to the town he started to text somebody or listen to voice message from a woman. I felt uneasy because of it. It felt like he wanted to finish the date. I didn't tell him about my feelings. Actually, he explained to me that he was chatting with a guy who sold him one thing for a guitar.
Then we walked on the beach and on the way to the mountain I found two incredibly beautiful places where we spent a lot of time, just sitting there, chatting, kissing, and hugging. It was really pleasant for me. I was pleasant when we told positive things about each other when we walked holding hands when he kissed me every 5 minutes. It was a nice time. Then we went to have dinner at his familiar pub. To summarize, we were together for over 5 hours.
I invited him to my place the next day, he went to my town. Unable he wanted to try traditional cuisine from my country I offered him to cook together. And yes, we had great sex as well. We were together most of the day. After that he texted me when he came home: "I am a nice person, so kind. He spent time great. The food was delicious, etc". We chatted about this day a little bit, and then he texted me appreciation again and said: "You're very kind, bla bla bla... I wish you the best". I asked him if he was breaking up with me, he said: "No, see you soon".
After 2 days, I noticed he blocked me on Instagram. I didn't text or call him these days. So, did nothing. I was really surprised. I was unpleased because of it because we spent time well together, I thought so.
Two weeks have passed, but I can't forget him.
I am thinking about why he did it and I have some explanations for myself, such as

1. He wasn't going to have a relationship with me in the beginning. That's why he behaved cold a little bit and didn't talk about himself much.
2. He is looking for clients on Tinder + hookups. I think he estimates himself for his job. I asked him "What's up?" But he started to make excuses that 2 clients per day were fine. And I guess that my job is not cool for him (I worked as a store assistant and as a graphic designer on days off instead of his 20 years of experience as an artist). Maybe he worries about his social status.
3. He escapes from perspective long-term relationships because of a scare, sad background, or other reasons.
4. Maybe he has a long-term relationship but I don't really believe in it.

Honestly, I can't understand, if he didn't care about me, why he was so gentle with me? I didn't force him to kiss me as often as he wanted to do it. I noticed that he likes to check my personal boundaries. What I can let him do or don't? But if I disagreed with something he was polite and never forced me. Why he spent a lot of time with me? In my opinion, if you want sex, you are looking for a person who is okay for hookup.
What is your opinion about my situation?

hello, hope everyone is doing good! long story short, i broke up with my bf a few weeks back. what happened was: he was extremely cold and uncaring JUST with me (he said he was going through a rough patch in his life so he couldnt be as affectionate, however, when he was with his friends, he was completely normal, attentive, chatty and happy); he made 0 effort to talk to me (i came home from work everyday wanting to chat and be with him and he never talked and wanted to be alone); whenever i tried to talk to him, i felt like i was talking to a brick wall, i was the only one talking.
he had always been chatty and very curious about my day and always asked questions, he was very present but became very distant. this lasted for around 3 weeks. i felt like my presence wasnt wanted nor needed.
at the same time this was happening, i always saw his status appearing as Online on instagram, at the time he was supposed to be asleep, while i was away at work (i work very early mornings). i say 'as he was supposed to be asleep' bc he would text me back( like 5 hours after) saying 'good morning, just woke up'.
i know apps can bug and can be faulty, but this has never happened before in the 7 months we were dating, and it kept happening EVERYDAY for 3 whole weeks.
him texting and talking to another girl honestly didnt even cross my mind bc idk if he'd be the type to do that, but i got a little insecure bc the first thing he used to do when he woke up was text me, it was a little cute thing we had, our dynamic. we texted a lot! i really used to feel like i was the first thing on his mind whenevrr he woke up, and i had gotten a little sad thinking he now was waking up, spending hours alone, and lying about his waking hours just so he doesnt have to text me back. this + him being so distant carved a little hole in my heart and i began to think he really didnt like my presence that much.
so i decided to talk to him about it, to let him know i had been feeling a bit uncared for and a little insecure; i explained how i always saw him online for hours and i also mentioned how he wasnt the way he was with me with his friends, and if he could please show me he still cared through reassuring me or something.
i didnt think this problem would escalate and i never even considered breaking up with him, to me it was just an 'asking for reassurance' type of thing; however, he got super defensive and lashed out at me.
he told me the app is wrong and hes never online, and that i dont know what im talking about. he said i was essentially accusing him of lying and he was super pissed at me.
he didnt reassure me at all; and his way of fixing this situation? he turned off his status activity so i couldnt see him online anymore, and said: 'there, now u cant see shit'.
i felt disrespected bc to me it showed he was more concerned over being seen as a 'liar', than to actually reassure me and than to make sure i felt loved, and so i broke up with him. he saw me very nervous and crying my eyes out while i was being vulnerable and sharing my feelings (i struggle a bit with that as i tend to bottle things up) and all he did was defend himself while being rude and insensitive. this was a few weeks back. i dont know if i overreacted but at the time it felt like the right thing to do.
i wanted a third person view on this whole thing to really figure out if i actually overreacted and if i should reach out to him to try and talk things through, since now im doubting my own choices. thank you for reading. sorry if my english isnt great, not a native speaker. was it an overreaction on my part?
tl;dr: i broke up with my bf since he didnt reassure me when i asked due to his recently distant personality and constantly appearing online in apps when he was allegedly asleep.

Just finished 3 years of architecture school. I remember the first year like it was yesterday. I had a big friend group back then but one by one dropped out. I started second year, with about half the size of people left in the course, knowing people as classmates not friends. They all already had their friend groups and much of them had different interests & situations. Some are 25, with great social skills and others are 30 with degrees in other disciplines and having kids, while studying at the same level as me. Now I don’t mean for it to be negative but it’s hard to connect with people in these situations, where I was 18 and had no social status or experiences and now leaving uni exactly the Same as I joined. Alone.
As a result, I never got to experience the uni life fully, and being a bystander to others living it. I’m that type of person who will support someone and be their hype man. Seeing someone close to me succeed makes me happy. But I have no one. I wake up, go to uni, go to the library, eat by myself and go home. That’s my life for the past 5 years both in collage and in university.
Im great at small talk and like to think I have been more comfortable & confident socially in my time in university. I tried clubs and gaming events but the people I meet have different interests than to me. They like anime, I like cars.
I have seen the life of my classmates on instagram. They would go on boys/girls trips, eat out, pulling all-nighters at the library doing work together and do activities while I’m at home wasting away my youth day in day out. I have tried so many times to bond but that’s a one way street.
I have no life experiences and no one to have them with. I want to go around places knowing I got my best ppl with me. I want to do road trips, play card games and live a little. My life is really not living.
On the other hand, I may seem to be overly ambitious but not highly successful in most aspects of my life. I never won a medal, award, trophy and not even a participation plastic medal. Is it sad to think you have achieved nothing in life and experienced nothing?
I’m also angry at myself. Im exhausted by doing nothing. That makes me super annoyed that I’m thinking this.
What do I do? I tried everything I know. Am I missing something?
Thank you and I apologise for my venting.

Simon Stone
Erik ten Hag, asked if tomorrow will be his farewell appearance as Man Utd manager at Old Trafford: “Goodbye? For me? It's not how I feel it and how I see it.”
https://x.com/sistoney67/status/1790496531528777884
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Detailed Quotes

https://www.manutd.com/en/videos/detail/part-two-of-erik-ten-hag-press-conference-for-man-utd-v-newcastle-united
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Ten Hag, asked if there will be a lap of appreciation tomorrow, after the last home game of the season:
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Through good times and bad times, we are together, and the fans show it, that we are together. So we will do a lap of honour."
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Ten Hag asked if the Newcastle match would be a "goodbye to Old Trafford" for him:
"Goodbye for me? It’s not how I feel it and how I see it. It is not the way I go to start that lap of honour for the fans, no. The answer to the questions you made so often: same answer."
"In the stadium, away and home, they [the fans] are always backing the team and backing me.
"Also, when I’m in the streets, many, many come to me - maybe it is just polite, but I don’t feel it like this..."
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Ten Hag on reactions of the season:
"I almost never get a negative reaction [in public] because the fans understand where we are.
"The fans understand this club is in a transition, and the fans understand the huge problems we’ve had to face, especially positions in key areas."
​
Ten Hag on Wayne Rooney's claim that some players are not returning from injuries:
“You have to see here at Carrington. The players are desperate to play,”
“I have seen that Licha Martinez [wants to play]. Bruno did a fitness test on Sunday to play. Rashford did everything he could do. He trained, tried to train last week but he didn't make it.
“Players are desperate to play and they want to be in the right shape.
“You see also Victor Lindelof, Rapha Varane, they are training to make themselves available for the final. They do what they can do.”
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Ten Hag on Lisandro Martinez
"I think especially on the pitch, we need him. There, he shows his spirit, and it is there he is a warrior if he is fit. "When he is fit, his standards are high, and he is an absolute leader for us, a warrior who has the right spirit. "He is a very important player in our defensive line and we missed him across almost the whole season."
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Ten Hag asked if he ever feels sad on the touchline:
"I can't feel like this, I can't express this, because that will lower the vibe in my team. we have faced high problems, but I am always positive. I do it with the players who are available, we make the best team of it, we motivate them."
"I have to inspire the team, and I will keep fighting..."

Hi, here's some of my answers to questionnaires given to me (i cant post the questions sorry)
This is from the attitudinal psyche typing post i made
https://www.reddit.com/attitudinalpsyche/comments/1cqxzm6/comment/l405c2k/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
The good things in life for me is any knowledge worth knowing, money, or financial value. Sometimes miracles happen, but its no excuse to be waiting on one forever. Coincidences in my life happen too often – I do have a particular interest in the intuitive i.e. scenarios exactly happening in real life before they happen. I can wait for miracles, but whilst I’m doing that, I will try and create them myself. I like learning other perspectives (so long as the other party presents their ideas in a justifiable, well-mannered response), I like learning in academics, so I try to work on that.
I have no control on the bad things in life – although I can be insecure about society’s views upon me, I remind myself that it doesn’t matter, I remind myself of dreams and goals I want to achieve for myself and the future, and hold on for as long as I can. Bad things in life come and go, but there’s no point in wallowing in emotion
Emotions is weird for me – I typically don’t want to have to do with anything emotions-based because it will cloud my problem-solving skills, or my future goals. Biases that impede my judgement could be that I may not care about morales, so I would usually side the majority opinion just to be left alone. It never works for some reason.
I’m very ambitious when it comes to life – I try to refrain from showing it, because I’m afraid others will be ahead. I compare myself to a lot of people to see how well I’m performing, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to ask about someone’s achievements, because I don’t find it humble. If people and obstacles are in my way, I evaluate the roadblock – if its something small (typically it is), I adapt/don’t care. If its big – I just feel melancholy, and in rare cases, confront the roadblock. It is most definitely okay to acquire essential needs by denying them to someone else. I want to be financially secure, have practical knowledge/knowledge for the sake of it, and try to be an all-rounded smart person
I’m pretty simple – all I ask is to be left alone, or to not be trivial and have some respect. People are inherently bad – am I going to do anything about it? No. I can’t be bothered, and I’d rather focus on myself. My duty is to graduate and leave my past behind. I’m not very close to family, or friends because I may not ever see them again. I guess parents owe anything to their child because it’s universal,.
introverted most of the time. I hate talking because I don’t care. Extroverted when it’s something that is interesting to me or benefits me. I feel alive by trying to get all my work done as soon as possible so I can enjoy having a fun time with nothing due.
I don’t need to fit in, but I don’t need to stand out. Social status is important in the sense that it will make me be left alone. Being disconnected doesn’t scare me – if I lost my family, I would accept that death happens by chance or whatever. I am definitely not ‘emo.’
Getting into a school, and realizing it wasn’t as great as you thought it was. the cohort sucks and I do have ideas to prevent the future generations to be awful, but I cannot be bothered sharing them because it’s their fault. people. people I expected more from – to be at least publicly decent, or in any way, contributing to society. no matter how sad it is to me, I can’t do anything about it, so I try to avoid the controversy triggers

Dearest Love,
It has now been 264 days since I last heard your voice. That I could see the disappointment on your face. I wish I had realized at that moment that it was my last chance to reach you. But a fool is foolish. And I am a fool, always have been.
Where should I start?
That I've been in love with you since we were in elementary school together? Or the fact that you broke my heart for the first time at the age of 14 when you met your first boyfriend?
Of course you weren't aware of any of this. When you disappeared from my life overnight at the age of 15, you didn't realize that it had shattered my world. I really thought back then that I would never see you again.
All my friends were in love with you. One even wrote you love letters. You never found out who'd send you these.
For us you were mysterious. So serious. So sad. So brave. So cheeky. So loud. So quiet. We were too young and too stupid at that time to understand what you were going through at home. To us you were just a beautiful mystery.
I had my own tragedies at home and I dreamed myself away. With you. And just then you disappeared. Nobody knew where you were and nobody had a clue what happened to you. There were the wildest rumors, but nothing tangible.
Five years later I was drunk in the club and you smiled at me from across the bar. I swear I was immediately sober. It was like I had seen a ghost, but you were real. Damn you were real!
You asked me how I was doing and whether life had been good to me. This was the happiest night of my life and I didn't want it to end.
When we said goodbye at dawn, I asked you if we would see each other again and you said, "Meet me at the party at Fusion on New Year's Eve." Damn, that was still 3 months away and how was I supposed to find you there? Among hundreds of people?
I found you. Exactly at midnight and we kissed. From that day on we belonged together.
But two children from broken families. This is destined for chaos and pain.
I moved to the other side of the country with you to put the past behind us. But you can't run away from your problems. They will always follow.
We dealt with the pain within us differently. You wanted to talk about it. About you, about me, about what happened in our families. I wanted to be silent.
You solved your problems in therapy. I drowned my problems in alcohol.
At the beginning of our relationship we went dancing together a lot. We celebrated, we drank, we looked for intoxication.
But then you changed. And I stayed the same.
You hid in books. I hid in clubs. You looked for new friends. I kept the old ones.
You've started studying and pretty soon you got a scholarship. Now you were no longer just beautiful with a loving soul, but also eloquent and smart.
And I? I became mean. I disappeared for nights at a time. I didn't keep my promises. I drank, I gambled, I did drugs. I woke up in strange apartments and had trouble with even stranger people.
And so the past had caught up with me and the future was calling for you. But you didn't want to give up on me and I didn't want to lose you.
So I pulled myself together, looked for a good job and I earned good money. But one can't keep a woman like you with dollar bills. You never looked for expensive gifts or status. All you ever looked for was love, respect and sincerity.
And I was not sincere.
You wanted respect. I laughed at you. You wanted love. I left you alone. You wanted to be my friend. I was your enemy.
And so you slowly said goodbye.
You didn't want to have to fight all the time anymore. You didn't want to have to cry because of me anymore. And I get that.
First you moved out. Then you had less and less time for me. When I called you, you often didn't answer the phone. When you did I heard you laughing on the phone with your friends in the back. You seemed to have a lot of fun. But you hardly laughed with me anymore.
264 days ago we had set up a date. We hadn't seen each other for two weeks. I canceled half an hour before I was supposed to pick you up. You were angry. "Why can't you just keep a simple promise?" I told you I was sick. A lie. Two hours later you showed up at my door. You brought me muffins, tea and some meds.
And I? I was hungover, playing poker.
The disappointment. The disappointment on your face. You asked me if I really ditched you for a poker game.
And I? I replied with, “At least I won $1,000.”
You gave me a sad little smile and asked me if I had anything left to say to you.
I laughed at you and said you were childish. That you're being overdramatic as always. That you're always causing stress.
And you said, "okay, if that's all you have to say, I'm leaving now."
I said we can see each other tomorrow.
And you said, "No, I'm leaving. For good."
You've said it a thousand times before, but this time I knew it was different.
I held you back and looked into your eyes saying: "I want to change. I really do. But I need time and your patience."
And you said: "You've had 10 years to appreciate what we had. Now you have the rest of your life to accept that I won't be a part of your life anymore."
You left.
264 days have passed since then.
Not a word from you.
Every day I try to reach you.
You're gone.
For good.
All of our old friends know you're gone. But no one talks to me about it because they know I messed up.
Since you left, I can't go on anymore.
I dream of you constantly. Sometimes I look for you and ask about you and everyone acts like you never existed. And I feel the despair until I wake up crying.
Sometimes you're standing far, far away from me and I try to get to you, but I can't move a step. So I call you, but you don't hear me. I shout louder until I wake up from it.
Then I lie in bed with my heart racing slowly remembering that you are no longer here. And that it is my fault.
My best friend forced me to go on a date. The woman I was on the date with came closer. She kissed me and I started crying.
I've never felt as bad as I did in that moment. I wasn't ashamed. It was the sadness that burst out of me.
I know people will say it will pass. That I will fall in love again someday. But I do not care. I lost you. I lost the person who believed in me the most. I lost the love of my life.
And it's my fault. I will never be able to forgive myself for this.
That's what was left to say.

I'm m 30 and I feel like I lost all drive and hunger for moving on in life, and in the last couple of years, I feel like I'm just going with the flow instead of trying to navigate it. I moved to Canada for school when I was 22 and back then I was all piss and vinegar; I was a top student, going out of my way to participate in competitions and gain internships, going to networking events, and even trying to start two startups with friends during my school years. During that time I met my now-wife, and shortly after school we moved in together and rented a place. If I had to pinpoint where the slope started, it was pretty much around that time. When I finished school I managed to get a job in my field of study, and I also reached out to one of my old managers from an internship I got from performing well in a competition where he pulled me into a project of his, so right out of school I had a full-time job and a side hustle. At some point, the side hustle deal kind of faded away with the project not going anywhere. I had a couple of ideas of side hustles that I tried to develop but never did, took courses and certifications to increase my skills in my field, and probed my job for raises and promotions, but overall I started becoming quite static. It was only when my partner started talking about looking into buying a property that I was pushed into looking for another position that pays better. After a while of searching, I was able to find a very well-paying position in a US-based tech company that almost doubled my salary. Thanks to that new salary, and the fact that my partner also got herself a high-paying position, we were able to afford to buy a house when I was 28 with plenty to spare after paying the monthly mortgage payment. We got married, and she is now pregnant with our first kid.
Comparing myself now with myself 8 years ago make me feel really sad for where things are going. During school, I was able to put in the work, get out of my way for better grades, and better opportunities, and give myself an edge and start something of my own. Since I finished school I really feel like I'm drifting. During a work day, I can honestly say I spend over half my time on YouTube shorts giving myself brain rot. I'm still performing well and up for a promotion (as long as HR budget shenanigans won't shoot me in the foot), but I know I can do so much better if I were to find the drive and develop discipline like I had before. I've tried getting up earlier, rather than 30 minutes before my first meeting, but I always just get up, turn off the alarm and go back to sleep. I got back into working out, thanks to my wife buying me a home gym for my 30th birthday so I really enjoy it, but I don't feel like it's developing my discipline that much. In the last year I worked on a project and brought it to MVP status, and then never continued developing or marketing it. I'm currently studying for a certificate for a relatively new technical sub-field that should get me all excited, but it just doesn't, it feels like a chore.
I just feel like there is no fire in me anymore, like I've gotten to a place so comfortable I'm half asleep and passive all the time. I was thinking having a kid on the way would spark it up, some sort of provider instinct to make sure I keep moving forward to give it the best life I can. But no, it's not there. I don't feel lost, but I do feel like I'm just wandering in a general direction without a plan, because every time I try to come up with a plan I just end up scraping it.

*Management style:
Not democratic/participative. Not transformational. Not Coaching. Very much Autocratic/Authoritative/Coercive. Sometimes Laissez-faire. Style depends on the department.
*Chain of command:
The ministry is seen as a church by top management. Top management are the “elders” and the CEO is the Senior Pastor. Then there is everybody else. So, confidence is put on their positions of authority. They are, in all sense and purposes, the “spiritual leaders”. They present themselves as having spiritual authority and, therefore, as being entitled to receive immediate agreement and unquestioned compliance.
Also, there are multiple management layers or chains which this quote sums up as well:
"When you become an admiral, you never have bad meals and you never hear the truth. there are all these layers of management and buffer layers and each one is afraid to tell unpleasant truth to the top levels.... “
Not a culture of authenticity where everyone on the team, including management, is encouraged, and expected to be who they are. There is a sense that top management puts up a false front, they seem to want to appear perfect. Illusions of invulnerability exist. They always lead well, they always make the right decisions, they never admit mistakes, etc. Want people to think they got it all together- all rainbows and lollipops. Do not exhibit vulnerability. Toxic positivity is also very much present: Everything is seen as “awesome”. So, there is judgment if you have a bad (not "everything is awesome") day.
The vertical chain of command, results in less collaboration, slow communication, lack of career growth, feelings of subordination, and decreased employee empowerment. Top management sets the rules and standards without any input from the “bottom” employees. Employee questions, concerns or ideas have to go up several steps of the chain of command so that upper management can address or approve. The bottom employees do not have the ability to make decisions related to their work or a particular situation. So, not everyone feels equal.
So, if you are not a spiritual leader, you are just basically told to submit and listen to those who are in authority over you because they are the people that “hear from God” and you are not and so whatever they say goes. And they set up a scenario where they basically kept those of us who were not spiritual leaders dependent upon them.
Many in management are overconfident and overestimate their abilities. They have a simple idea of how things are and how things work. Unfortunately, they make decisions that impact entire departments without gaining the needed knowledge.
The chain of command and lack of ongoing training also results in many employees being promoted so much that they max out their competence and will remain there until they leave or are let go. So, you end up with many in the role of management that lack the training and competence of the respective department. So, employees with the most authority are often not the most experienced and not adept in the particular field leading team members. And employees with the most experience and skills and knowledge and wisdom have the least (or no) authority.
Good leaders don’t always claim the “leader” title. Oftentimes, good leaders are those with more understated temperaments. Leadership is as much about listening as it is about telling. However, people with the most open and receptive personalities often do not have much authority.
Also, how the chain of command should operate when there is a unit that acted without proper authorization, it is not a junior authority who’s going to bear a responsibility for that, but somewhat of more senior status. And that’s true in any military or business or ministry operating by a code of ethics. So, if someone at the bottom of the chain is struggling, failing, or making mistakes, those at the top of the chain bear full responsibility. Everything stands or falls on leadership. Unfortunately, the chain at FCBH is not two directional.
There is also a sense that top management promotes employees who are least-competent but pose no risk to their own position (in-group bias) to management.
*Feedback:
Work environment or culture is not set up for employees to give honest feedback/opinions or to deliver bad news or to question or disagree with management.
Sample bias is also common. Management will send an email asking for feedback but they won't consider how only the people who are open to talking and sharing their opinions will participate while others won’t. Bias arises because employees with specific characteristics (e.g., extroverts) might be more likely to agree to participate than others, making the participants a non-representative sample. People with strong opinions or substantial knowledge about a specific topic may be more willing to give feedback than those without. Management does not follow up to determine why they are unresponsive or follow up frequently to reduce attrition.
Management claims they want to hear from employees, but they only want opinions and ideas on matters that are superficial or trivial. So, few employees give candid feedback on important and significant matters.
Top management does not involve employees in the change process when changes occur.
Management does not ask for honest feedback on their leadership or on decisions that are made that affect employees. Management will not ask how they are doing as leaders, what employees need from them. No regular check-ins or 1:1 on employees’ professional and personal well-being. Are employees stressed, disappointed or feeling burdened physically, emotionally or spiritually? No growth and career discussions.
Management will ignore most feedback, comments, suggestions even when it's common knowledge but will adamantly listen to employees who preface with "God told me to tell you..." Or “I felt God say …” or “God spoke to me and said…”
For example, management started focusing on Gen Z only after a few people claimed that “God told us that Gen Z are important for our future business growth.” In another instance, someone said “God gave us this word: we as a ministry need to really consider how everyone is wired, how each person is different. How people have different personalities.” Then, management affirmed this “word from God.”
If one employee brings something up to management it is often ignored and the employee is gaslighted. If two or more employees bring the same thing to management, then God is communicating something and they take it seriously (per Matt 18). Even if it is just coincidence or frequency bias.
*Groupthink/Conformity:
Groupthink, confirmation bias, in-group bias, illusions of unanimity, and self-censorship is very prevalent in the culture and especially in their meetings. There is a lot of direct pressure to not question, to conform, to agree with the views and personal convictions of the top management. Employees condemn those who disagree or question top management and they accept those who agree, creating immense pressure for conformity.
So, many employees frequently remain quiet, preferring to “keep the peace” rather than disrupt the uniformity. Employees are pressured to hide problematic information (especially from top management).
*Disagreements/Different perspectives:
Top management will also point out the working and living conditions of international employees to “encourage” local employees to not “complain” or give critical feedback or bring up legitimate problems (e.g., fumes or loud noises from construction in the building).
Management also often commits the "ends (or goals or vision) justify the means" fallacy: the work, the production and distribution of bibles (the ends) being done is more important, so employees shouldn't complain at all about the means or their working conditions (broken chairs, broken or inadequate equipment, poor work-life balance, bad management).
And, if management disagrees with you, with your observations, feedback, suggestions, or theology, they will often try to trump you with spirituality or vague meaningless spiritual terminology instead of using Scripture (properly interpreted), facts and reasoning.
In addition, top managers will take great offense when employees question or disagree with the directions and decisions they make. Dissent is not welcomed. Respectful debates/disagreement is not encouraged. Open discussion and alternative perspectives are not encouraged. Management does not value, support, or respect diverse opinions and ideas. They do not actively seek out different viewpoints. Do not allow people to speak their perspective, their thought of mind. So, there is no psychological safety. Employees do not feel comfortable expressing dissenting opinions without fear of retribution or judgment. Afraid of breaking the little glass image. People do not feel comfortable sharing setbacks, mistakes, failures. Management does not encourage open communication. Management often seeks agreement, instead of posing honest questions that challenge the status quo and provoke critical thinking and discussion. They do not encourage employees to challenge them. In fact, they are seen as a type of complaining or critical feedback and so are viewed as sin. This makes top management seem self-centered.
*Appeals to emotion: Guilt and Shame:
Top management often shares their personal opinions and convictions (e.g., spending money only when absolutely necessary, not accepting large gifts, not buying fancy items) as something everyone should do. It’s never direct. It's always through stories. Management loves stories. The personal convictions of management are presented as more than preferences.
For instance, top management encourages extreme frugality and poverty through their personal anecdotes #loudbudgeting and stories from international cultures. Think along the lines of: “we, here in America, have no right to be sad or to complain about things or to request better things or ask for accommodations or for more employee engagement because others (internationals) have it much worse.” Even wanting better equipment and supplies or asking for better working conditions is frowned upon (in some cases seen as a sin), even if your request helps you to do your job more effectively and makes the work better (a new whiteboard, a new office chair, better computers, etc.)
Example: “You should really try to come in to work even if you feel bad, even if you are snowed in and the roads are hazardous because people need to get our bibles. And our international employees work in much harsher conditions.”
You also get this feeling from the way they communicate that top management would rather not pay their employees. They would prefer it if everyone just worked for free because “we are on a mission from God. We are doing the Lord's work.” There is also a sense that employees should be more than willing to sacrifice their well-being, career goals, financial goals, personal goals for reaching people with their Bibles.
Leadership sets the example and expectations, so this all ends up making employees confused and feeling guilty and ashamed. Guilty and shameful about asks, spending money (even their own). Guilty and shameful about having nice things (new car, new phone, new tv), about making needs known, about sharing concerns regarding work, about asking for raises to keep up with cost of living, etc.
Example: An employee has continued to use an old whiteboard. It is so old it is hard to read and difficult to erase. Management likes to tell donors: “We don't spend money on everyday things like whiteboards…. Instead, we use that money for more bible recordings, for people to hear about Jesus.”
This also causes confusion. Every few months there is a meeting where management discusses how sitting on stores of money is bad, but spending it is also bad, but also not spending it is bad... "Being rich is bad. Money is bad. let's not accumulate money, that's bad. We must think about how people will see what we have. So we should look poor and not appear too frivolous." But top management is okay with receiving gifts from donors and other ministries. Management personally does not like to have nice “fancy” things, and as a ministry, they say FCBH should also not have nice fancy things, they should use the money for other more important things. They don't like when other ministries use their money for nice fancy things, but it's okay if other ministries give FCBH nice fancy things like tote bags, key chains, mugs, phone holders, lunch bags. Another example, it took them years to repaint the parking lot. It was at the point where people did not know where to park. Before repainting, management decided to remodel the hallways and install posters and multiple monitors with language stats.
There is also a subtle sense that producing audio and video bibles is the highest calling one can have. And it's implied that FCBH is the main means God uses to fulfill the great commission: “God needs FCBH to do these bible recordings or people (specifically unreached internationals) will go to hell.” So, top management hints that working anywhere else isn't really serving God (or at least, not serving God as well as one could if they worked somewhere else). They imply that working at this ministry is the only way to truly serve God and fulfill your calling. They also use this framing to guilt and shame employees into not quitting. Management implies that employees should not take opportunities to leave or take other jobs because getting the Bible to people is God’s highest calling for us as Christians:
“If anyone leaves FCBH, then they must not really understand the vision/calling. They are not committed to saving people. We should be willing to give up things to fulfill the calling. The apostles did not pursue better jobs and so God will provide if we need better pay, benefits, career. For those of us who join the ministry to hold true to get God's word to every person, it takes discipline because we have opportunities to do other things. I'm sure that Noah had problems with Builders because he probably had hundreds of people not thousands working on the ark. They started their own businesses and started side things going on. pretty soon they'll have no time to work with him on the ark. and you can have all kinds of diversionary things happen. and so we want to understand they focused in the ministry. and that's been one of the things that I've really tried to do is what did God tell me at the time this ministry began because I was not interested in this ministry. I was interested in living by faith and experiencing God through people and seeing people experience God. and when I was praying about that here in Albuquerque the Lord said bring my church together and make disciples. and then he also told me that when his people think the same they are one. so it's not a matter of getting rid of the buildings or the leaders but it's a matter of people thinking the same. They can go to different denominations, different buildings, have different teachers, and different preachers and leaders but once they think the same, they're one and that's what his objective was. and so that's when I felt like the Lord said get God's word to every person. So I'm challenging us to stay true to what God has called us to do. and every time somebody leaves the ministry there are reasons for leaving. but it startles me a little bit, because I think well we haven't, we haven't communicated the vision very well somehow because they didn't get it. like Noah building the arc. it it's a long project it's not a month or a year two years or three years. our immediate goal is 2033 and it means that we're committed to a cause. and that means some of us we give up something. I we've given up stuff we live in a small apartment and that's what we saw that God had us do and that's our lifestyle we we tone down our lifestyle to get the cause committed to the cause. and and I know that's difficult for some, in some cases maybe there's financial needs because of family growth and stuff there they just can't afford to work in the ministry. but sometimes it's a choice and every time somebody leaves it where it's actually a choice. I think we haven't communicated the mission very good the vision very good. I've been looking at is that could you imagine read reading the New Testament. and finding out that Peter about halfway through or Paul halfway through the ministry all of a sudden got a better job offer. and stopped their portion of the ministry they held the course no matter what happened. whether it was good or whether it was bad. Paul talks about this and sometimes we want to follow the Lord. but we don't impart on ourselves the same responsibilities that those disciples did. so when God Empower them is he empowering you in the same way. and you're making choices that maybe you shouldn't make that you will impart and say the Lord is leading me someplace else when in fact maybe it isn't. it's just a better offer. if the Bible in the New Testament was reading a little bit different than Stephen left the ministry at this point or James left the ministry at this point because of something I think we need to be very very careful and why I say that is that as we work internationally.”
SO, there is a lot of guilt and shame about leaving to pursue other interests or meet needs. Guilt and shame about wanting to leave to advance and develop professionally. For this reason, many remain “loyal” and stay at the ministry.
So there is lots of control and manipulation in the work culture.
*Weekly worship meetings:
These are mandatory and there are some legitimate concerns:
Top management seems to have misconceptions about true worship and worship experiences. They often reduce worship to singing by their communication, the way “worship” is used. Worship is seen as something we do on occasion - once a week, when we gather at work for the mandatory worship time. Top management, by ignoring other styles, seems to believe that there is a single style of worship which is correct for Christians.
And it seems like just about anyone can lead worship or be on the team: anyone that can play an instrument. Top management does not require a worship class or agreement to biblical principles concerning worship as a prerequisite for employees who desire to plan and lead worship experiences. So you end up with people who have different views/philosophies on the worship team. Unfortunately, many who lead do not take the time/effort to plan and lead worship experiences, to discern from songs that are better suited for individual or private worship from songs that are corporate or public worship, to discern songs that are controversial/questionable (have bad theology, weak theology), songs that are theologically ambiguous or songs that lean more towards “feminine” attributes. Most, if not all, of our modern “Christian” worship music is written at a simplistic level of understanding and comprehension. Most music tends to appeal to our emotions. Many songs appeal mostly to women. So there is a great need for teaching on the biblical principles concerning worship. Also a need to choose theologically balanced songs with music appropriate for the people. Unfortunately, many of the songs chosen are theologically incorrect (e.g., having elements from the Word Of Faith movement, New Apostolic Church, New Age). Songs are often not theologically balanced. Songs seem to be chosen for their emotional impact, to make employees feel good; many focus on just one aspect of God (e.g., love). Many promote self-centered worship.
Most of the worship leaders just sing the songs: They do not actually “lead” people into worship. They do not help people connect the lyrics of the song to where they are at in their personal life, to teach them something about God or help the people understand what this song means and what God wants them to get out of it, so they're not just singing songs and just doing, going through the motions or help them understand the depth and the richness of what lyrics mean and how it applies to their life. What matters to them seems to be whether songs are impactful, moving, and beautiful. (Whatever that means.) Whether songs make employees feel good. They don't seem to care whether the songs actually reflect truth: Do the lyrics line up with Scripture? Do the songs glorify self or God? How would new Christians or nonChristians interpret the song?
Theology is the study of God and it's very important doxology is an expression of praise to God so the point here is that all theologies should ultimately lead to doxology if theology doesn't lead to doxology then we've actually missed the point of theology so if you have theology without doxology you just have dead hold orthodoxy which is horrible. On the other side you have the people who say “forget about theology I just want to praise.” But if you have doxology without theology you actually have idolatry because it's just a random expression of praise but it's not actually informed by the truth of who God is so God is
concerned with both he's concerned with an accurate understanding of him and that accurate understanding of him leading to a response of praise adoration and worship towards him.
*Leadership quality:
Top management has more respect for donors and guests than their employees.
Management lacks basic core leadership principles/values:
Unfortunately, many employees are not given power or resources: Management just gives them the responsibility to get things done. Before responsibility is given, employees should be equipped: be empowered, have the authority, be given resources and have the experience. Employees are not empowered as individuals to solve their own problems using their own solutions. Micromanagement is often required every time the situation changes or problems arise. Employees are not inspired to act as leaders for themselves, delivering amazing performance without guidance. They have coaching sessions but only when there’s a problem. True coaching occurs regardless of whether the individual is crushing their goals or falling behind. Management does not seem to care about unlocking a person’s potential and getting the most of their performance. They seem only interested in producing more followers, not more leaders.
No method to hold management accountable to core values listed in their own Employee handbook. Employees are expected to abide by the procedures and rules described in the handbook but top management can choose to ignore it when it is convenient for them.
-Top management are NOT learners: No desire to develop and improve their skills.
-They do not ask employees: What’s one thing you see me doing—or failing to do—that you think I should change?
-They do not ask how they are doing as leaders. Or ask employees how they’re doing.
-They do not ask what employees need from management that they are not giving them.
-No performance evaluations for both management or non-managment.
-They often fail to emotionally connect with employees.
-They do not speak to employees' needs first.
-They do not focus on what they can put into people rather than what they can get out of them.
-They do not understand basic psychology, how people think and behave.
-They are often resistant to (and even hate) change: Perhaps because they fear losing control. In fact, new information, objective facts, research, stats, and even new ideas are often ignored in favor of what's easiest to do or because of tradition. If something has been done and “works”, top management does not see a reason to question it or to improve on it. If something was tried 5, 10, 20, even 50yrs before and failed, top management does not see a reason to try it again even if the exact circumstances have changed.
-They do not empower or give the means, the power or opportunity to do to employees.
-They do not trust others to follow through managing processes and performing tasks.
-They do not lead by example.
-They do not know when to move forward and when to back off, what to improve and how radical those improvements should be.
-They often fail to see options, and plan and prioritize.
-They fail to develop leaders around them.
-Their communication is often poor.
-Their listening is also poor: do not listen for more than facts, but also the feelings, meanings and undercurrents.
-They do not take the time to get to know the people they lead: no weekly check-ins which top organizations have to discuss how employees are doing professionally and personally. Management doesn't ask “what was good this week? What was not good this week? How is your well-being? How is your family?”
Competence in leadership skills is also poor.
-They are not teachable: not willing to keep learning, growing, improving in leadership and management practices: FCBH has a yearly “leadership” summit. But, the way it is set up, it reinforces weaknesses instead of challenging leadership growth.
The summit is also just for a select few in top management. Not every employee is seen as a leader so most employees are excluded.
Top managers attend the summit but there is no followup, no post accountability by other managers and especially by the employees that are under the managers. No discussion on how management will apply what was learned.
Some of the past speakers have had questionable characters and even questionable teachings (Judah Smith). Leadership qualifications and theological background seems to be ignored in favor of charismatics, dynamics, popularity.
-Top management does not take responsibility for their part of a disagreement or failure and apologize.
-They often embrace a victim mentality.
-They often limit yourself by your job title.
-They do not invest in better tools or processes.
-They are content with the status quo.
-They allow their past achievements to stagnate their desire to keep learning.
-There is a lack of discernment, finding the main cause of problems/issues.
-They do not anticipate problems.
-They do not accept the truth of the problem: Do not face up to the reality of the situation;
-They get bogged down in the details.
-They often avoid problems.
-They don’t deal well with problems.
-They do not have their team study all angles.
-They often do not value nontraditional thinking: Don’t embrace change, ambiguity and uncertainty well.
-They do not work well with differences.
-They do not have their own mentors or provide mentorship to others.
-They do not invest to improve their own professional or leadership skills.
-They are often insecure, constantly seek validation, acknowledgement and love.
-They limit employee's success and recognition:
-They do not seem interested in making people successful: Don’t attempt to remove barriers that prevent employees from being successful.

• They often feel threatened by accomplishments by employees who are not management:

If an employee who is not management has a great idea to improve the work, management often does not support it and may secretly try to shut it down.
When a team succeeds, management will not give other people credit and instead take the credit themselves.
It seems like some of the people working there were given the title of management, the position, and that alone made them qualified. Management or leaders assume that their position alone qualifies them to make critical decisions where they may not have the best data, insight, wisdom, skill, experience. Just because one may have the word “manger” in the job title, does not automatically make them a great leader. Leadership is about dealing with people, and the dynamics between those people, and influencing people.
*Dead end career path:
For the most part, top management assumes that team members are fine and "settled", rather than taking the time to understand their true feelings and needs. They do not ask employees where they are struggling, where they are having trouble, what frustrates them the most?
Management does not seem interested in making employees better both personally or professionally. They do not have a growth plan or professional development plan for employees. No job related training. They do not provide what is needed to help employees to grow and improve. They don't provide opportunities for employees to apply their talents and expertise. They don’t ask how they can better support employees. Employees don’t check on each other.
One is expected to work until health deteriorates and skills become obsolete so you leave in a worse place than you started. For most employees, there is no long term future with the organization. Management does not let employees know how they are doing and what the future looks like for them. What the opportunities are. They do not take the time to learn from employees what they want to be. No honest conversations to understand employees goals and ambitions. So, because there is no growth or development plan, no career path, once your skills are outdated, they will probably let you go or they will keep you in the same position and your salary will max out.
Management does not coach employees on how to manage their time, priorities, and energy; no teaching on how to problem solve, or make better decisions, or how to set boundaries or how to minimize context switching and zoom fatigue.

So yeah...... main acct is 125 combat and like 2160 total. My good friend whos maxed wated to start iron group together so i was down. We spent an hour coming up withbour names together and our group name and starting out plan.
1st death: I'm looking back and forth between check list and thebgame with them on side screens. I gonto run from Castle Wars to Yanille as inlook at the guide, clicked super far ahead and 1 hit by an ogre.
At this point my buddy is like fuck the guide dude go get some hp levels RQ. No problem, locked myself in lumby chicken pen to feel safe and get some slow early levels. Good to go, move to goblins to work pn some clue scrolls.
2nd death: standing next to Charlie the tramp in Varrock and there for about 5min just standing talking to my friend, all is quiet. Middle of Varrock, im safe right? Wrongggggg, i go to smoke for less than 1 minute buddy in VC just says uhmmm whattttttt happened? Ruch to pc there i am in Lumby again.
No idea what killed me. I was super far away for it to have been the dark wizards, even if one aggrord someone and dragged then i dont think wizards would drag that far. All i can come up with is a mugger? Luckily mt buddy took it well, hes a little sad he lost his HCIM status w/o dying, but now hes super excited to do early wildy content, and I still feel bad
It was about 27hrs since acxt creation. 6 hours playtime (like 2 afk as we talked up plans) and like 16 hr gameplay for him.
Moral of story, no matter where or for how long always log out your HCIM.

Sadly I'm stuck living with a crazy narcissist female due to bad luck and finances and so I've had to endure witnessing some detestable bullshit.
The story starts with the girl abusing her boyfriend until he suicided himself. She has a long history of some of the most cruel treatment of her "ex". The very night he was officially declared dead she went partying and one night after already had a new boyfriend.
This guy didn't give a shit about the dead man and didn't care about maintaining any more respect for him outside what the girl superficially expected.
This guy uses people, rips people off, he has zero empathy, a giant over inflated ego, and worse is just being caught around any of that and having to go through the cringe of his BS.
He always tells you and others "his plans and goals" because ofcoarse it puts him on a pedestal to feel like he's a success. But you seldom ever see him pull off anything he says and outright drop 90% when you expect him to do what he's saying. Then he acts like it never happened, rinse and repeat.
He's the type of guy to pep talk the entire work crew into working all weekend "to get 'er done!" And the first to not show up. He does this regularly.
He went on a tirade all day about this new job hes looking at and accused everyone of being lazy, unmotivated and uncommitted. He talked really big and made a lot of promises only to change his mind the day after.
I broke my leg and the guy has yet to "believe" anything is wrong. He thinks I just skipped work to do drugs despite the fact that I don't do drugs and I'm around him enough that he should know that I don't do drugs. I never got the smallest "are you okay" from the guy.
Funny enough, he nearly cried the day after because his boss wouldn't come pick him up to take him to work. He was entrenched in a ridiculous amount of self pity. He was sniffling so I'm assuming he was holding back some tears. He was saying things like "no one ever helps me" yet my other buddy is basically his fare-free taxi driver and other people are helping him through everything. So, the guy with the broken leg gets no sympathy but a grown ass man that refuses to take pu lic transit and miss work because of it should be pitied on account of his boss wouldn't pick him up.
So, these two have been dating for a few months now and they compliment each other so well. He's apathetic and she's cruel and sadistic. She loves his "status" appeal especially because it's all bullshit. He pretty much just sees her as a sex object and she's so delusional she thinks they're in love. Her bogus and superficial good girlfriend acts work on him only because he doesn't care to see things too deeply and because he's so emotionally detached and she's so delusional she can convince herself she's the best girlfriend ever. Neither one of them have any morals, although the girl pretends to be a paragon of righteousness even though she's pure evil.
They work out because they're both so fake that while he doesn't need to genuinely care about anything, she can pretend to genuinely care and neither of them care to scrutinize the truth of the matter. Meanwhile I have to watch her lie, come up with delusion fabrications, and I have to watch him spout his mouth with bullshit anytime he talks. There's also the fact they love hearing each other bullshit everyone because it's like they get second hand ego boosts from each other.

Edit: If you are going to comment on the length of this post, please don't. This is not a simple snark but rather an actual critical think piece about feminism and Taylor Swift.

Introduction

Pertaining to Taylor Swift, "Female Rage" has deviated from its intended meaning after Swift debuted a new performance of The Tortured Poets Department during the Eras Tour. Now, according to Swift's use of the phrase, female rage is interpreted as public backlash against Swift's dating choices rather than as a response to the broader injustices against women and women's rights. This post examines Taylor Swift's flawed feminism, philanthropy, branding, and the controversial trademark petition for the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical". Swift's background as an entertainer, indeterminate politics, and alignment with capitalism over feminism pervades her legacy, again threatening her public tolerance as not just an individual but as a brand.

Once Upon a Female Rage...

If you were cognizant in the early 2010's, you've heard countless jabs at Taylor Swift in the media. Magazines, radio, or online. Music critics did not take her seriously as a songwriter; parents put a woman on an unrealistic pedestal as the ideal role model for their children; she dated too much and used men as lyrical fodder. No matter the story, it inevitably spread, conjoined with everyone's respective opinions, and you'd be left to wonder, "Why does everyone hate this girl so much?"
Taylor's target demographic has always been young or adolescent girls, more so when Swift herself was one. She made music that spoke to the awkward misfit, cultivating a para-social relationship with fans on MySpace, then later twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, where Taylor posted relatable vlogs showcasing the life of a homegrown American girl. Taylor had a delayed public "growing up" and, compared to her female pop contemporaries, Swift never "gratuitously sexualized her image and seems pathologically averse to controversy" (and, apparently, never even had a sip of alcohol until she turned 21). She was more than happy to spin this narrative to allude to an inherent moral superiority above other women in the industry (Better Than Revenge, heard of it?), engaging in the very slut-shaming that she herself endured (the Madonna and Whore archetypes). The victim complex arose with the need to prove Taylor as a different type of pop girl. Based upon her holy and clean image, Swift had been dubbed "a feminist's nightmare", and that "[To Swift] other girls are obstacles; undeserving enemies who steal Taylor’s soulmates with their bewitching good looks and sexual availability." Feminism and Tennessee-Christian country values don't exactly mix, it seems.
Years later, Swift befriended Lena Dunham and thus experienced white feminism osmosis, where Dunham taught Swift that real feminists defend rapists, makes insensitive jokes about rape and abortion, and prioritize all-white casts. Swift then declared herself a feminist in 2014, saying,

"Becoming friends with Lena – without her preaching to me, but just seeing why she believes what she believes, why she says what she says, why she stands for what she stands for – has made me realize that I’ve been taking a feminist stance without actually saying so."

I suppose the male-centric songwriting subject that permeates Swift's discography contained covert feminism and that we just didn't see that. Perhaps, the "Bad Blood" song and music video were written only in jest and not about poor Katy Perry, for Swift, as a feminist, would "never make it a girl fight" or tear other women down (though all Katy did was date your terrible ex-boyfriend and allegedly steal three backup dancers from your tour). In 2013, Swift said, in response to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's joke towards her serial dating, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
There was that time in 2015 Taylor said that Nicki Minaj was "invited to any stage [she is] on" (as if Taylor expects to have access to every stage, award, and platform that Nicki might not otherwise have as a black female artist...yikes!) in response to Nicki's criticism of the white + thin VMA nominations. Later, Nicki responded with confusion, as Swift continued, "It’s unlike you to pit women against each other. Maybe one of the men took your slot..". Of course, this 'beef' was 'squashed' when Nicki performed with Taylor at the VMAs, with Nicki quite literally only having 38 seconds of stage time without Taylor. Maybe all that parading around with a legion of famous white women - similar to the way Taylor might've done with her numerous 1989-era handbags - was in fact a stance against gender inequality, and that this display of "girl power" should be enough to constitute Swift as a feminist icon.
Even while Swift says that Dunham informed her feminist outlook, she dances around the exact contents of those beliefs: "what she believes, what she says, what she stands for" is not exactly insightful towards what beliefs Swift might have inherited. Taylor never broaches women's rights topics such femicide, FGM, forced pregnancy & marriage, sex trafficking, women in slavery, women's financial and political oppression, women's educational rights, women's health, or women's autonomy, so we can assume she only gives a fuck about "girls supporting girls" (whatever that fucking means).
Despite some questionable (and sometimes vindictive) behavior, Taylor as a young woman did not deserve every media lashing that she received. We cannot deny that most headlines and criticisms perpetuated a misogynistic rhetoric which has plagued Swift for a majority of her career. Acknowledging events such as the development of her ED, her sexual assault trial, "Famous" lyric and MV depiction of Taylor, and the explicit Twitter deepfakes, for example, as both disgusting and unfortunate things that happened to a young woman in Hollywood does not negate the fact that Taylor is mostly a performative feminist.

Get Your Fucking Ass Up and Be a Philanthropist, It Seems Like Nobody Wants to Be a Philanthropist These Days

In 2013, Taylor Swift cut the ribbon at the grand opening of the Taylor Swift Education Center at the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville, Tennessee. The donation amount - $4 million - was the largest individual artist gift ever donated to the Country Music Hall of Fame, which is, of course, mentioned on Swift's website. The two-story facility features three classrooms, an instrument room, and an interactive children's exhibit gallery. Swift also performed at "All for the Hall" charity shows and has donated numerous artifacts from her career (such as notable guitars, tour costumes, etc) to the museum.
This was over 11 years ago, and it is still the only notable philanthropic contribution Taylor Swift has made.
For a woman of her net worth and stature, and a woman who recognizes the difficulties for women in film and music, you would think that Taylor Swift might establish a scholarship program for women to study the arts or something. Perhaps Swift might even consider becoming a member of organizations that support female artists, or one that supports LGBTQ+ causes (since she is now proudly an ally), yet she remains superficial with her graces. Broader philanthropy, such as donating relief aid to Palestinian women or women impacted by violence and discrimination will probably never receive any financial support from Miss Swift because then she'd be using her money towards philanthropies involving anyone but white entertainers.
She even says herself in Miss Americana, "My entire moral code as a kid and now is a need to be thought of as 'good'." Well, she's certainly thought of as good, though her actions say otherwise. She's more than happy to do a vaguely altruistic song and dance for a clip-worthy interview quote and mass appeasement, then fuck off to one of her mansions on a 20 minute private jet flight, rather than actually contribute to anything pertaining to the causes she has endorsed. Yet, far too many people continue to give a woman such as her their money, time, and energy, and she hoards these resources to herself.

I Like Some of the Taylor's Songs, But What the Fuck Does She Know About Feminism?

Swift continued with her self-proclaimed feminist campaign, positioning herself as a political activist and LGBTQ+ ally in the Miss Americana documentary. The primary focus of the documentary consists of the sexual assault trial, Andrea Swift's cancer diagnosis, Taylor's ED and body dysmorphia, media scrutiny, and, largely, finally speaking up about her politics publicly, mostly her opposition to the 2018 Tennessee Republican senate candidate, Marsha Blackburn, and Blackburn's beliefs. Swift says, following a scene discussing her experience during the trial,

"I just couldn't really stop thinking about it. And I just thought to myself, next time there is any opportunity to change anything, you had better know what you stand for and what you want to say."

We must ask ourselves, though: when has Swift ever spoken up to change anything? Okay, pulling her entire catalogue from Spotify because they didn't pay their artists enough and similarly pulling her catalogue from Apple Music are changes that she leveraged due to her revenue potential and power, but they are not pertinent to the average woman's rights. Moreover, these are issues that directly impacted Taylor's income, which was enough reason for her to protest in the first place. Swift has sold the most units for a female artist in first week sales, is the first female artist with 100k monthly Spotify listeners, is the first female artist to win the Album of the Year Grammy 4 times, and is the first female artist to do X, Y, and Z, all while being inoffensive and family-friendly to boot. The actual Taylor Swift seems unwilling to compromise the brand of Taylor Swift by contributing in meaningful ways to feminist causes, especially if it is for women outside of America and Hollywood.
The reason political anthems such as "The Man" and "Only the Young" of the Lover era feel disingenuous and corporate is because, well, it is. Taylor has taken every opportunity to advance her career or public image at the expense of other women. What is truly genuine to Taylor's outlook on other women is vying for male attention, taking down female competition, and vocalizing feminist injustices only if they directly impact her and her money. Some will argue that it's satisfactory for a woman with such a huge platform to even TALK about feminism, but that just isn't enough. It's even less impressive when you candidly look at the scope of her feminist lens: "If I was the man, then I'd be THE MAN", or "I really resent the ‘Be careful, buddy, she’s going to write a song about you’ angle, because it trivialises what I do", and, of course, "We all got crowns". Feminism, but only when it happens to me. It gets worse when you look at Taylor's track record of copying other famous women and removing other female artists as potential threats to her pop prowess.
It's good for PR to align yourself with certain blanket feminist and political beliefs, therefore good for branding, therefore good for ticketing and merchandise sales, therefore good for business. And Taylor Swift is a business.
She's not a feminist. Taylor Swift is a capitalist.

I Can't Pay Those Sweatshop Workers a Livable Wage or Benefits! How Else Would I Make My Billions?

Recently, Taylor's team filed to trademark the phrase "Female Rage: The Musical" after Taylor said during Paris N1 of the Eras Tour,

"So you were the first ones to see The Tortured Poets at the Eras Tour...or as I like to call it, 'Female Rage: The Musical'."

This trademark petition was filed last week on Saturday, and news comes about just as numerous unofficial fan-made merch designs have cropped up with this phrase plastered on Fruit of the Loom basics. I'm of the opinion Swift's team motioned for a trademark so that they can send out cease & desists to all those that make knockoff merch, which disrupts potential sales for Bravado, UMG's choice merchandising company; however, since it was filed earlier, perhaps Swift has bigger plans with the bizarre use of the gendered phrase. One Swiftie referred to the phrase "female rage" as "a funny Eras Tour joke". Could it be a possible fourth version of the Eras Tour Movie? Whatever the reason, the motion to capitalize off of such a concept is disgusting, but not unsurprising, for a woman that profits on her vain feminism.
Swift, through her company, TAS Rights Managements, has also trademarked over 200 phrases, including "1989", where she owns the property rights to this calendar year on keychains, phone cases, sunglasses, stationary, bags, beverage ware, clothing, entertainment services, your subconscious, and, of course, Christmas ornaments.
The vapid consumerism in Swiftie culture is, frankly, disgusting. Bravado's sustainability statement is non-existent, the quality control is abysmal, and the materials they use are horrible. The materials, such as acrylic and polyester, are made from petrochemicals. This means they are non-renewable, shed microplastics, and are quite toxic in production. The manufacturing process to make all of those lazy-rushed Eras Tour logo graphic tees is a huge blow to environmental well-being. Apparently, though, Swifties don't give a fuck. They sell out products in seconds and either have to face the manufactured scarcity or buy from a scalper that resells for 200% of the already ridiculous retail price. This doesn't include the environmental impact of vinyl records, CD, and cassette production, of which Taylor produces many variants that sell unsustainable amounts.
If we're talking about women's rights violations, why is no one acknowledging the women that work in the inhumane sweatshop conditions that have to pump out fugly t-shirts and hats? The millions of plastic microfiber dander they are inhaling, or the toxic dyes that touch their bare skin? Are they being compensated fairly for their skilled labour and are they in safe working environments? Do these women have minimal bargaining power, and do they have authority over their worker's rights? Is Taylor Swift female raging at their injustices? Does Taylor Swift ever feels bad that her wealth was built on the backs of women of color, disadvantaged by the demands of the global economy and garment industry? Do you think she ever says a little white feminist prayer for them before she goes to sleep at night?
What's even crazier is not that Taylor herself doesn't care, it's that Swifties don't care. There CANNOT BE ethical billionaires. You only make a billion dollars if you are exploiting other human beings for capital gain. Based on public perception of the possible "Female Rage: The Musical" trademark, it seems like Swifties are already asking for merch with this phrase. "If Taylor made it, I'd buy it." Oh, cool. So not only do you champion Miss Swift's avarice and billionaire status, but you also are unashamed to admit to your blind consumption of her music and merchandise, no matter where they might originate in production or sincerity. Just as Swift takes and takes and takes, Swifties' consumerism of Taylor Swift cannot be quelled.
The tortured artist's most vulnerable and sincere poetry...available now in 21 different versions!

I Am Tortured Poet, Hear Me Whinge

Look - even if Taylor's intention is to characterize TTPD as more "tortured" and "angry", the main thread of the album is "I was ghosted by my decade-long situationship with a controversial indie boy and my fucking stupid fans wrote a 'Speak Up Now' open letter prompting me to drop him" anger, which is adequately expressed in the lyrics and performances. The extent of Taylor's "female rage" on TTPD is on tracks such as "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?", which contends with relentless media scrutiny; "But Daddy I Love Him", where Swift firmly states she'll date whoever she likes no matter how "Sarahs and Hannahs" may react; and "The Albatross", a track mythologizing her reputation and the consequences of dating her. Of course, these coincide with deep psychological wounds that formed during Swift's early years in the media, and so, from her feminist perspective, these subjects tackle the misogyny and double standards that she faced.
Yet Taylor Swift still has no grounds to be claiming that TTPD best exemplifies female rage and therefore she, in the context of this album, is female rage incarnate. As the daughter of a stock broker and mutual fund marketing executive, Taylor was born into wealth and allowed privileges like trips and subsequent relocation to Nashville all so that she might get a record deal. Her father even invested at least $120,000 into the then-fledgling label, Big Machine Records, which ensured Taylor's place with Borchetta after leaving her dead-end development deal with Sony. The fact that her parents were able to buy her a fucking brand new guitar for Christmas and pay for music lessons says so much about the financial security and safety of her childhood.
Money is privilege and protection, and despite Swift's experiences with misogyny and loser boyfriends, she does not know what female rage is.
Her rage is derived from her frustrations with her obsessive fans pulling the moral superiority card on Taylor in response to her rebound with Matty Healy. That's literally it. She's just pissed that the monster she created is no longer obediant, it's become a feral, sovereign entity that depletes the world of its natural resources and thinks it is more intelligent than it actually is because it's mommy has started to talk to it with big words. Apparently, 'illicit', 'elegy', 'nonchalant', and 'precocious' are considerably big words for the oafish monster, and I find it strange that this level of literacy is present in a group of fans that allegedly have GPAs of 3.5 or higher, but I digress.
Taylor Swift has never been one paycheck away from destitution. Taylor Swift has never experienced racial discrimination. She may have instances of gender discrimination, but she possesses the ideal white, blonde American beauty standard and therefore reaps the benefits of being a conventionally attractive woman. Taylor Swift has sufficient social capital. Taylor Swift is a billionaire woman prolonging her victimhood though she, as a woman, has mostly had control over her image and music (unlike her contemporaries). Taylor Swift is NOT entitled to be championed for her "female rage", nor should she be. Taylor Swift has never even been the struggling artist, for fuck's sake. I don't give a fuck if she's trying to fill the empty lunch tables of her past. Taylor Swift purporting herself, her unpolished album, and her lukewarm feminism as a musical bleeding with female rage is asinine.

Sigh Try and Come For My Job, Poors

Out there in the world right now is a 23-year-old woman, a recent college grad, who works as a barista. She has to wake up and get ready to go into a minimum wage job because she cannot get a job in her field. She doesn't have healthcare benefits or sick time, so she has to go into work no matter how she's feeling. All day long she is berated by vicious customers and creepy men, and, exhausted from being on her feet, she knows she has to go home to her shitty roommate that never does the dishes and her roommate's shitty dog. To comfort herself, she considers getting a treat, but thinks against it when she remembers that matcha lattes cost $15 and they taste like milky dirt. She knows that she needs to buy groceries this week, and so the woman resolves to go home, but notices that her gas tank is low. She goes to put gas in the car, but the pump stops at $27.86 because that's all that she has in her checking account. The woman, bereft and reeling, sinks into the driver's seat. "Well," she thinks, her head in her hands, "at least I don't have Taylor Swift's job. I just couldn't imagine."
Fame is somewhat of a choice. If at any moment Taylor feels that she is misunderstood, misconstrued, or overwhelmed by public opinion, she can LEAVE the public eye - Lord knows she has the retirement fund and residuals to do so. In "I Can Do It With a Broken Heart", the TTPD song about meeting the demands of your career-zenith mega-tour while in the relationship trenches, Taylor ends the song by rambling,

"You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart...you know you're good...and I'm good, cause I'm miserable, and no one even knows!...try and come for my job."

Yeah, obviously we wouldn't know, you recently passed the billionaire threshold and are the most famous and in-demand performer in the world right now. Taylor Swift makes an estimated $10 to $13 million dollars A NIGHT on the Eras Tour. Furthermore, the Eras Tour movie grossed $261.6 million globally, (which, as the producer, Taylor takes home 57% of the ticket sales) not counting the streaming revenue from Amazon Prime Video and the estimated $75 million deal that Disney paid to have it on Disney+. We're not even considering the income from cheap plastic popcorn buckets and drink cups plastered with colored squares in her Era-specific likeness.
It's funny. Taylor Swift often said that being famous wasn't hard, that she "isn't complaining". I'm sure it is difficult to always have to present in a good mood, else you'll end up misrepresented in the media, and I'm sure it's invasive to virtually have no privacy or semblance of anonymity. Still, Taylor Swift shows up each night of tour and performs. For a majority of her career, she has penned her sad songs while on the road. Most of "Red", her breakup album, was written in the thick of the Speak Now World tour. Now, some Swifties say they almost "feel bad" for attending the Eras Tour with Swift's revelations in this song, that they have had a 'dimmed experience' upon hearing Taylor's misery whilst performing. Despite the fact that Taylor said that "this was the happiest she's ever been" at Gilette Stadium in May, the lyrics "boohoo, woe is me, smile for the cameras and make the fans happy!!!" are jarring for Eras attendees.
While Taylor Swift was making double-digit millions a night in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and feeling miserable, Ana Clara Benevides Machado passed away due to heat exposure. The concert promoters, Time For Fun, are now the subject of a criminal investigation due to their lack of adequate hydration and safety. Taylor Swift cancelled the Sunday show that was to follow and offered VIP tent tickets to Benevides Marchado's family, which was a kind gesture, but perhaps incongruous to the incident of which they were offered as consolation. Everyone grieves differently, of course, but I'm not sure attending the very show at the very same venue that my daughter or sister passed away in two days prior, where the singer CONTINUED the show despite her death, would be healthy for closure.
There was no female rage at the show as Swift never saw Benevides Machado pass out. There was no female rage towards the disregard for fans as humans while Swift elected to proceed with her Brazil tour dates despite the country being in historic heatwaves (at risk of overheatting herself). If Taylor Swift was so shaken by touring with a broken heart or a fan's passing, she wouldn't have added an additional North American leg of Eras just two months after the Matty breakup. She's brokenhearted but willing to mend the cracks with your money and move onward with her worldwide female rage induced pillaging.
No matter what happens, even if you die at a Taylor Swift concert, Taylor collects a big fat check and flies away. She doesn't know you as anything other than a conversion rate or earning potential despite what her nearly 20-year long parasocial relationship with fans might otherwise indicate. She knows that, while some Swifties are without disposable income, they feel obligated to spend on a "48 Hours Only!" exclusive vinyl variant instead of necessities because they are so entrenched in Taylor Swift's intoxicating celebrity, they'll prioritize materialistic fandom before their needs. This is good enough for her because this means she can expand her real estate portfolio and finance her cat's lavish lifestyles. They're worth an estimated $100 million dollars. Her three cats could pool their net worth and solve world hunger.
While you and I might be denied bereavement leave and barely surviving the current political and economic climate, Taylor Swift has to, instead of gets to, perform for stadiums at full attendance for three nights in a row across the globe. You and I might be replaced by AI at our longtime jobs, but Taylor Swift is threatened with losing more and more money each time you listen to a "Stolen Version" of her songs. If we don't buy every variant of all of her albums, then who is going to pay for the fucking cats?
It is tone deaf to spend as she spends and lives as she lives in this economy, but this is her reality. She was able to donate $100,000 to all of her tour truck drivers, and that's wonderful, but it leads me to wonder about the ethos of the 2020s where one woman can hoard such life-changing amounts of money. Remember in 2014 when she gave a fan $90 ($120 in today's money) to get Chipotle because she had no fucking clue how much it cost? This is a 34-year-old woman who is increasingly out of touch with the reality for working class people and women in general. Normal everyday adults must wake up and go to their thankless jobs, and yet Taylor Swift, despite all her riches, incessantly references the lows of her life and career as a public figure and entertainer to farm sympathy and drive sales. And still, the corporate women have latched onto "I cry a lot, but I am so productive! It's an art!" as their cubicle battle cry.
Do you think that, from up in her private jet, Taylor Swift gazes at the world through her poetic, tortured eyes, and thinks, "All the little people, in their cars, walking, going about their lives...all those girls that don't support girls...do they know that I've made an album about female rage?"

Conclusion/TLDR

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your critical insights towards this entire ordeal: TTPD, the trademark, the implications of it all.
TLDR: Taylor Swift is a bad feminist and is delusional to think that the TTPD eras set exemplifies female rage at women's injustice.

Hello guys, I don’t have much hope to be honest but I’m writing in this Reddit group just to let it out because it’s kinda frustrating.
I’m a 23 year old and I’m under my parent G4 status. So I can live legally here and I go to college. I applied for a Work permit and a SSN to start working when I have free time from school. And sadly it got denied because they said I’m 23yo. Wanted to know if there are other solutions because it feels like everything is falling apart. Even if I applied for a green card I wouldn’t be eligible because I haven’t lived in the US for 3 and half years between the ages of 5 and 21. To be honest, I don’t think there is hope for me because even though I graduate, I don’t even think an employer would sponsor me for a job because it costs a lot. I read that going to Canada isn’t bad but don’t know if that’s true. I’ll probably end up returning to my home country, which is home, but I was not expecting it. I know it’s a lot and I should probably see someone that gets payed to find solutions, but I wanted to try Reddit out.
All love.

My car's transmission is on the fritz, so it's in the shop and I'm working from home for at least today. Thank goodness I can even work from home, or things would be a lot more complicated. Anyways, that's just a bit of a vent. I've also decided that I might do little lore-esque prechapter bits for some extra flavor. Hope you guys enjoy them! I find them to be fun little thought experiments on how people might perceive the world I've created from within vs from my own perspective. Enjoy some crafting and some romance!
First Previous Next
We know that the spots that are caused by looking at a source of light are, in fact, damage of some sort to the eye. This is confirmed by the spots rapidly disappearing should someone be healed whilst experiencing them. But why? Is there a divinity within light, beyond what our mortal eyes can withstand? Is there some sort of invisible emanation that comes alongside the light that damages us in some way? The discovery of light damaging the eye has opened more questions for me than it has closed.
-Musings on the Relations of Light and Fire, by Jarwic Leftun
\***
Xander carefully opened the door, finding Gabrelle already asleep, and sat down on a chair. Maybe he could get that adaptive camouflage to work right on bright colors. Surely he had some colorful things in his inventory.
He did in fact have a few colorful things in his inventory, and he whiled the rest of the night away making small adjustments to the runic array that was embroidered into the cloth. He was satisfied before dawn, the cloth now performing as well with light colors as it had with darker colors. Now he just needed to make a cloak out of it. He briefly considered coating his armor with the array, but discarded it. There might be times where he’d want to be seen. Besides, a hooded cloak would better break up the outline of his figure, the ripples of fabric, especially if he were to crouch or lay prone, obscuring his outline even more. In little time at all, he had a long, deep hooded cloak of the color shifting, runed cloth in his hands. He stashed it in his inventory for now, as he had no particular need to sneak up on something right now. The rest of the time before dawn he spent silently sitting in the chair he’d chosen, trying to keep his thoughts to a minimum, just daydreaming. Night dreaming? He couldn’t sleep anymore, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to let his mind wander.
As the dawn came and the sun began to shine through the window of the room, Gabrelle slowly awoke, once more finding Xander sitting in a chair rather than in bed.
“Mmf,” She grunted as she stretched. “Morning, Xander. You got back late.”
“Morning, yourself,” Xander said, turning his head to look at Gabrelle. “Yeah... Yeah, I guess I did.”
“What were you doing, anyway?” She asked, curious. “You didn’t mention that you’d be out late, just that you were going to go to see Valteria at her shop.”
“I uh... went on a date.”
“I knew it! ‘Comparing notes’ was a date!” Gabrelle exclaimed triumphantly.
“It was not!” Xander complained. “But we went to a tavern in the evening and it sort of... turned into a date on the way there.”
“Awhh, that’s so cute,” Gabrelle said. “Did it go well? Is she nice? Did you kiss?”
“I think it went well. We talked a lot about different projects and ideas we had. I also got to meet another [Godsmarked] - he owns the tavern we went to. I think she’s nice. Maybe a little shy. I think she’s gotten used to being treated differently by people. I don’t think she really believed that I wanted to go on a date with her, at first. ...And yes. We kissed.”
“Ooooh, look at you! You’re growing up so fast!” Gabrelle teased.
“Oh hush. I’m older than you!” Xander huffed, then returned to seriousness. “But ah, if I’m going to be dating someone... we need to have a conversation, Gabrelle.”
“We need to stop sleeping together?” Gabrelle quickly deduced before Xander could say it himself.
“Yeah... It doesn’t feel right, even though it’s just platonic between us. I don’t think I would appreciate being in Valteria’s situation and knowing that the person I was seeing was sleeping with someone else at night.”
“Well, I figured this would happen eventually,” Gabrelle said. “Either you or I were bound to find someone eventually. Don’t worry, I’m not upset. Don’t get me wrong, the snuggles were nice, but like I told you a while ago, I don’t have nearly as much trouble sleeping when I’m with the team.”
“Thanks for not being upset, Gabrelle.”
“You know this means you have to start paying for your own room, though, right?”
“Ah, shit, you’re right. I forgot.”
Xander left the room to allow Gabrelle some privacy to get dressed and meandered back down the stairs to see if any other members of the team were already up. Looking around, he spied Graffus eating breakfast at at table and moved to sit with the dwarf.
“Mornin’” Graffus greeted Xander through a mouthful of bread.
“Morning,” Xander greeted back.
“Glad to see you made it back, we were wondering if you’d be out all night,” Graffus told him, after swallowing his bread.
“I was out a bit late, I suppose. I let the time get away from me.” Xander said, not really wanted to be teased again about going out on a date. “So what are you planning to do today?”
“Bah, Frazay has roped me into helping her do research for the drakeling. So reading is what’s in store for me.” Graffus tore himself off another piece of bread from his plate and slathered it with jam. “You going to be going back to that [Tinker] you’ve been spending time with lately?”
“Yeah, that’s the plan. I’m supposed to learn more about converting mana types today, and also help her fix the suit of armor that I wrecked.”
“Welp,” Graffus said, now on his last piece of bread, “I hope ya learn something new. Never had much to do with [Tinker]s – not saying I dislike them, just that I haven’t had much experience with them – so it don’t make much sense to me. Using a hammer is about the only overlap in our professions.”
“I think your hammer is significantly larger than the one most [Tinker]s would use,” Xander chuckled. Thinking about what he should be doing before he headed to Valteria’s, he asked Graffus, “Hey, I might need to buy some monster parts or elemental cores, something like that, for practice. You know where I would go to find stuff like that?”
Graffus shrugged. “Dunno. My guess would be an alchemy and reagents shop. That’s generally what we’ve sold monster parts to that didn’t go to a smith or leatherworker.”
“Thanks, Graffus.”
The two of them chatted for a while longer, catching up on what each other had been doing. Graffus excused himself to finish getting ready for the day, saying he needed to tend to his beard, leaving Xander downstairs. Deciding to be productive and proactive, Xander stood as well and headed out of the inn to find an alchemy shop.
It wasn’t long before he found one, a familiar scene of an eclectic collection of powders, liquids, crystals, and strange organic things floating in jars inside the building. The proprietor was a dwarf, seated at a workbench. They were grinding something into a powder as Xander entered. He received a distracted greeting before the dwarf returned to his work.
Xander wandered about the shop for a few minutes, looking at the various materials throughout the shop. He identified what he thought might be an elemental core, a jagged piece of crystal looking material that seemed to have an inner flame. As for the monster parts in jars, Xander had no idea what was what. He finally felt he’d waited long enough and moved closer to the worktable that the dwarf was still sitting at, working away at the mortar and pestle.
“Excuse me,” Xander said, grabbing the shopkeep’s attention.
“Mm?” The dwarf said questioningly. “Can I help you find something?”
“I was wondering if you had any elemental cores. Something small, I just need one to practice with.”
“Aye, I’ve a few of them around the shop. You want something to practice with? So a relatively weak core, then – not all the small ones are weak. Do you need any particular type?” The dwarf stood up and stretched, moving to one of the shelves.
“Uhm no, just whatever is cost effective, I suppose.”
The alchemist rifled through the various bits and bobs on one of the shelves nearby before producing a small chip of what looked to be a semi-translucent stone. It was tinged slightly yellow with streaks of white. “This here is a chip off a lightning attuned core. Pretty weak, but it does still produce mana.”
Xander could see the dwarf’s arm hair standing up as if from static electicity as he held up the stone. “How much?” He asked.
“Twenty gold.”
Xander shrugged. Twenty gold wasn’t an issue for him anymore, and he didn’t feel like haggling. He always hated haggling. “Sure.” He fished out the coin and handed it over to the dwarf.
The dwarf handed over the stone to Xander and the pop of a static electric shock could be heard as a tiny arc passed between the two of them. The dwarf grunted and shook his hand. “Thanks for the business,” he told Xander. “Anything else you find yourself in need of?”
“Not at the moment, but thanks for asking.” Xander waved goodbye to the dwarf and pocketed the tiny elemental core. He continued down the street in the direction of Valteria’s shop, thinking about how he was going to undo the welding job he’d done on Valteria’s armor. He’d need her to guide his repair efforts.
Xander returned to the inn momentarily to grab one of his golems. He settled on Atlas for now, as it was the most basic of the humanoid forms he’d created. No extra arms or weird feet on him, no sir.
Arriving at the building that contained Valteria’s home and shop, Xander knocked before opening the door. “Morning,” he called out.
“Xander! Hello!” Valteria called out. She was at the same work bench she’d been at yesterday. Jarrett didn’t seem to be in the shop at the moment, as Xander wasn’t able to spot the man.
Commanding Atlas to follow him in and closing the door behind him, Xander started walking towards Valteria. “How’s it going?” He asked.
“Good, it’s going good,” Valteria responded as Xander brought a stool over to her workbench. “How about yourself?”
“Not bad. The upside of not sleeping is that I never struggle in the mornings now. I used to hate waking up.” Xander laughed. “I even ran an errand before I came here! Picked up this.” Xander fished around in his pocket until he found the small chip of elemental core and held it up for Valteria to see.
“Core?” She asked distractedly, staring at Atlas. She tore her eyes away and looked closely at the small crystalline stone. “Lightning attuned?”
“That’s what the [Alchemist] at the shop said,” Xander affirmed. “Said it was a very weak one, but that it did still produce mana.”
“Mmm, a good practice piece, then.”
“I thought it would be, too. Not that I know what to do with it, yet.”
“Well, how about this: I teach you to set the stone and make some conduit, and then you can help me fix my armor. All the glue has turned to dust by now, thank the gods.”
“Sounds fair enough. So, how do mana conduits work?”
“Well, the concept is simple enough. It’s a tube which conducts mana,” Valteria began to explain.
“Mmhm.” Xander nodded along.
“What you need is a setting – usually of silver, as it has good mana conductivity – which will be the first step of conduction, taking the mana from the stone. Simply wrapping the core in silver wire can work well enough, drawing in the mana that the core puts out through its surface, but for a more effecient setting, small holes are usually drilled into the core to set the wire into as well, giving more surface area to draw from.”
“So we care about the mana conductivity of the material, then? That makes sense, I just hadn’t thought about it. I actually did a little experiment with my rune work to test which fillings were the most conductive.”
“Oh really?” Valteria said, interested. “What were your results?”
“Well, gold and silver were high up there in conductivity, and probably make the most sense for someone who has to physically manipulate material without use of a skill – both for a core setting and for inlaying a rune – but I did find that sapphires and rubies were even more efficient at transferring mana than gold and silver.”
“Mmm... interesting. I’ve heard of gemstones being used in very high-grade settings, as well as various other exotic materials. I read an account of one [Mechanist] who used tubes of mercury to conduct mana, though the relative effectiveness compared to silver wasn’t mentioned.” Valteria cleared her throat. “Uhm, now, where was I? Right, basic settings. Once you have your core – or monster organ, if you’re going that route – you connect it to the conduit. Usually, this is also silver wiring. I like to braid several smaller wires together, personally. I find it to be sturdier and hold up to flexing better. From there, it needs to be tied into a device. Which is a topic for tomorrow.” Looking around the shop, Valteria seemed to identify something on one of the shelves nearby. “I have a core that you could watch me set, and then you could try setting your own, if you’d like.”
“That sounds good to me,” Xander said. “I always love to see a master as work,” he added, opting for a little flattery.
“Follow me, then.” Valteria said, standing up from her stool and waving for Xander to follow.
Xander followed Valteria as she walked over to the shelf she’d been looking at earlier and took a palm sized, bright green stone from it. “Nature attuned core,” She explained, holding it for Xander to see. “I’m told it was taken from some kind of moving tree.” Valteria then moved to another worktable, on which were several of what looked to be drill bits to Xander. There was also an apparatus that look like it was designed to hold the bits, which was confirmed for him when Valteria slotted one of the small drill heads into the device. “This thing,” Valteria said, waving the drill a little bit, “is a life saver. I used to have to drill holes with a hand cranked one. Worth every single coin I paid for it to get an enchanted one.” She turned a dial on one side of the handheld device, which Xander was coming to think of as a magic dremel tool, and it began to come to life, the drill bit beginning to spin with a quiet whirring sound.
“Neat.” Xander commented. He watched patiently as Valteria drilled a series of shallow holes in the stone, the distinct screeching of metal on stone echoing through the shop floor. “So where’s Jarrett today?” He asked.
“Oh, he has the day off today. He asked for it about a week ago, not sure what for, though,” Valteria said distractedly. Soon she was finished with the holes she was drilling into the core, and moved to another workbench. “Now we create a setting for the core. This is a fairly simple way of doing it, mind you, but it is effective.”
Xander watched as she took sections of pre-braided silver wire and fitted the ends into the holes she had drilled. Once each hole was filled with a section of wire, Valteria began to pull wire from a spool, wrapping the stone until it was completely covered with silver wire and binding the braided sections to the stone in the process. “There,” she said, setting the stone down on the workbench. “A perfectly serviceable setting."
“So, if I understand correctly, you coat the core in a mana conductive material – the more surface area, the better, hence the holes – to create a setting?”
“Mmhmm,” Valteria said, nodding.
“Seems fairly straighforward. And then you connect the silver wiring that’s wrapped around it to more wiring, and attach that to your device? Why the distance? Why not just connect the setting directly to the device?”
“You absolutely can, if space isn’t an issue. Technically, the connection between the mana battery and the device, even if it’s just a single point with no distance, is still referred to as a conduit, though, so it’s considered a three part creation.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Do you want to try making your own, now? I don’t mind lending you a little wire.”
“Sure, but I should be good on material, I can produce it with my skills. Doesn’t last without a source of mana, but I guess the core itself might provide enough. Think this little chip is a bit small to put holes in, though.”
Xander looked at the small piece of crystal in his hand. If he just need as much contact as possible with a mana conductive material, his best bet would be to embed it into a sapphire or ruby. He decided on ruby, for no particular reason. Still holding the chip of core in his hand, he concentrated on his [Creation] ability. Valteria watched, amazed, as a ruby began to take form and grow around the piece of core until it was completely coated in a thin layer of gemstone.
“So, you can just... make things?” Valteria asked, sounding jealous.
“Well, it costs mana, and anything I make that isn’t provided a source of mana that leaves my person disintegrates in a day, but, yes. I can just make things with my skills. But,” he added, cutting off Valteria’s complaint of unfairness, “I have never received a skill that actually lets me improve a material. Sure, I have runes, which generally makes up the difference, but I don’t have any skills that improve the things I make. So, if you made a mana battery, and I made a mana battery the same way with identical materials, yours is going to be better, I assume, because you have skills that passively improve the things that you make, am I right?”
“Okayyy,” Valteria huffed. “I guess that does make it a little less unfair. But ugh! It would be so nice not having to source materials.” She looked at the ruby with a piece of core set inside it that Xander had made. “Well, I guess that about does it for making a setting... I thought it might have taken you longer to make one. I guess we can move on to fixing my armor even sooner! It’ll be nice to have it up and moving again.”
“Sure, sure, we can do that. Where is it, anyway?” Xander asked, looking around the shop again like he somehow would have missed the eight foot tall suit of armor.
“It’s in a shed behind the house,” Valteria explained. “I have it on a hoist so I can work on it.”
“Ah, that would explain why I haven’t seen it around.”
Exiting the shop, stopping for Valteria to put a small ‘closed’ sign on the door, the two of them made their way around the building, where Xander saw the small shed that presumably held Valteria’s armor. It looked like it could just barely hold the armor and one person – two, if they were comfortable with each other – inside it.
“So this is where the magic happens?” Xander asked.
“If by ‘magic’ you mean maintenance and upgrades, then yes,” Valteria agreed. She opened the door of the shed, which comprised most of the front of the tiny little building, revealing her suit of armor, which was currently hanging from several chains attached to pulleys on the ceiling. Plates of armor were laying strewn about the suite, leaving the joints and inner workings more exposed.
Xander whistled, looking at the inner workings of the suit. He could see gears, cogs, and joints, and throughout the entirety of the armor were running filaments of silver wire, which he assumed were mana conduits running to and from elemental cores and the various mana powered aspects of the suit. “This thing really is impressive. Almost as impressive as the woman who made it,” he said.
Valteria giggled, “Stop it! You’re supposed to be fixing this mess, not flirting with me!”
“Awh, can’t I do both?” Xander asked, trying to sound as saccharine as possible.
“Mmm, I suppose that if you are sufficiently skilled at multitasking, I might allow it,” Valteria said in a mockingly thoughtful tone.
“Well, I just so happen to be an expert, so flirt away I shall,” Xander replied. “Now, how about the beauty in front of me shows me exactly where the other beauty in front of me needs some repairs?”
Valteria sighed at Xander’s antics, but he could see the slight flush in her face. “Well, you welded the wrist joints, elbows, and knees. They aren’t welded all the way round, it’s more like you smoothed over a portion of it like it was wet clay. So if you could just... put it back? Shape it back to how it was, that’s should be all that’s needed.”
“Pretty straightforward,” Xander said, standing behind Valteria as she pointed out each joint. He could see the misshapen parts where he’d slapped a weld onto the metal. He leaned over her and put his hands on the elbow joint that they were closest to and began to shape the metal back to its original form.
“You’re... very close,” Valteria murmured to him as he formed the metal.
“Would you like me not to be?” He asked, carefully.
Valteria was silent for a moment before answering, “No...” quietly.
Xander carefully shifted to be a little closer, but still not quite touching, as he moved on to the wrist joint of the same arm. The process itself was simple, but he was enjoying taking his time. As he finished the wrist, he turned to look at Valteria. He found himself looking right into her eyes, as she was staring back at him. Unable to resist the temptation he leaned in a little closer, gauging Valteria’s reaction. When she, too, leaned towards him, he closed the small gap between them, drawing her into another kiss. Valteria pressed herself against him, the shed hiding them from any prying eyes on the street, and let out a small noise as Xander squeezed her tight. She was breathing a little bit harder than before the kiss as they separated again.
Valteria let out a breath. “You’re… a really good kisser.”
“Yeah?” Xander said, pleased with himself. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
“And you’re a tease, looming over me like that in this tiny little shed,” Valteria continued. “Now you’ve got me all flustered, how am I supposed to work now?” She mock complained.
Xander was glad to see that Valteria was comfortable enough with him to joke like that. “Forgive me,” he said formally, making a deep bow, “How ever can I make it up to the lady?”
“Oh stop it, I will tolerate no bowing and scraping, even in jest,” Valteria said, slapping him lightly on the shoulder, as he was still holding the bow. “You can make it up to me by fixing the rest of these joints! And by taking me out to dinner?” She added, hopefully.
“I think that can be arranged,” Xander said. “Is there anywhere you have in mind? I will admit, I haven’t become very familiar with the local restaurant scene, what with my… dietary restrictions.”
“It doesn’t… make you feel bad to go out to a restaurant, does it?” Valteria asked softly, watching his face for a reaction.
“Nah, don’t worry,” Xander said, waving off the question with one hand. “It doesn’t bother me too much. Sure, I miss the taste of a good cut of steak, but I was never that into food. Eating was more of a thing I did because I had to, so I’m not completely devastated by the loss. And I can still get some vicarious enjoyment out of watching someone else enjoy their food. Really the worst part is awkwardly having to refuse ordering anything,” he said with a laugh.
“Alright, if you say so,” Valteria said, letting out a slight breath of relief. “I was just worried that it might be upsetting to you, is all. I know I would miss eating.” She paused for a moment, something clearly on her mind. “What do you miss? If you don’t mind my asking. I just… well, I’m curious what it’s like for you.”
“Mmm, in a lot of ways, life is still the same, and in other ways, I’m technically doing better than I was before. I’m incredibly resistant to damage now, even without my armor. I do miss sleeping, though. I try to give my mind a rest and just sort of daydream and let my thoughts wander or do some meditation during the nights, but it’s just not the same. Also means I’m the one that pulls guard duty through the night,” he grumbled. “Let’s see, what else, what else. Ah, right. I can’t smell anything. Or taste. I haven’t worked out how to recreate those senses, yet. Though no sense of smell can be handy sometimes, I suppose. I don’t know if you’ve done much merc work – you mentioned being surprised that I’m not just moonlighting – but uh… the smells that you encounter on a battlefield are… unpleasant. To say the least. It was weird not having a sense of touch either, but I’ve resolved that. It’s a little bit different than my previous, natural sense of touch, but I’ve become accustomed to it to the point that I don’t much think about the difference anymore. I think I’ve even got the density of receptors down in certain areas compared to others, so I'm more sensitive in some areas than others now, just like I used to be. I’m still immune to being tickled though, so don’t even think about it – that’s a fight you’ll lose.” Growing a bit more somber, Xander continued on. “I think… the biggest thing I miss is just the feeling that I fit in more. Now I always worry about being different, there’s that nagging fear that anyone I get to know well is going to reject me once they find out what I am. Like I’m secretly lying to everyone around me with this façade I have going on.”
Valteria nodded sadly. “I get that. I’ve been… rejected before, too. At least it happens or not right from the beginning for me. I get to know if they look down on me for being different immediately instead of fearing they might later down the road.”
“Yeah,” Xander said. “People can really suck sometimes. But at least I can just, like, not tell people what I am if I so chose. You, my teammates, and the guild, since it’s on my status sheet, are really the only people who know. I keep it pretty private. You can’t do that, so I think you probably have to deal with a lot worse than I do. Not that I’d want you to hide what or who you are,” he added. “I happen to be quite enamored with who you are,” he said, teasing a smile from Valteria’s sad face.
“Sorry to bring up such a dour topic,” Valteria apologized. “I didn’t think much on it before I asked.”
“No worries,” Xander told her. “Honestly, I think it’s good to be able to talk about it with someone. It’s healthy to be able to get you feelings out there. And it helps that I feel like you understand where I’m coming from with it, though from a slightly different perspective.”
“You’re surprisingly thoughtful sometimes,” Valteria said, only half teasing.
“Only sometimes?” Xander asked with a faux expression of hurt on his face. “By the way, you didn’t react much to my comment about moonlighting as a merc. Do you ever go on contracts?”
Valteria shrugged. “I certainly wouldn’t describe myself as a professional mercenary. Moonlighter is an apt descriptor, for me, I think. I have gone on a couple, here and there, mostly on kill contracts that would net me a core or organ that would be useful for my work.”
“Mm, that makes sense. I suppose it could be handy having access to the ability to take contracts that would give you access to specialty materials,” Xander said.
“It’s also good for business,” Valteria explained. “Mercs tend to like to buy from someone who has at least been out on a contract or two before.”
“Ah, that makes sense. What kind of things do you sell to mercenaries, anyways? I saw Jarrett with a crossbow yesterday, but I imagine you make other things, too.”
“Oh all kinds of little things. Portable, flameless heaters for cooking. Water purification sieves. Mm, let’s see… I’ve made a few custom order devices, too. One customer wanted to be able to shoot a jet of flame from their gauntlet, that was a fun one.”
“Ooh, that does sound fun… reminds me of my flamethrower.”
“Your flamethrower?”
“Yeah, it’s basically a big tank with a hose attached to it. At the end of the hose is a pump that causes the flammable liquid – I use dragon’s tar – to shoot out. Add a flame that the tar passes over and bam! You’ve got a giant stream of flame that will coat anything it hits with sticky, flammable tar,” Xander said, excitedly describing the device.
“That’s… impressive. And kind of horrifying,” Valteria responded.
“Mm… I guess you’re right. I mostly use it on giant spiders. Blugh,” Xander shuddered. “But yeah, I suppose it’s not the nicest of ways to go. Very effective for area denial, though. Ah, actually I have an idea for crossbow bolt head that would ignite when it shatters! We should make that sometime and see if it sells.”
“Hmm, I think that would draw some buyers. A flaming bolt head you didn’t have to light first could be desirable to certain buyers.”
“Put that on the list and we’ll get around to it sometime.”
“We have a list?” Valteria said confusedly.
“We should!” Xander said with a laugh. “Now let’s get the rest of these joints done.”
The repair of the other arm and the leg joints that Xander had locked into position during the tournament was a short affair. Looking over the bare metal frame of the armor still hanging from the ceiling, Xander clapped his hands together, mimicking dusting them off. “Good as new!” He exclaimed. Looking over to Valteria he asked concernedly, “It is good as new, right?”
Valteria had been staring at the armor as well, lost in thought about how she was going to improve it next. “Hmm? Oh, yes. It’s right as rain again, ready for use. Thank you, by the way. For fixing it,” She said awkwardly.
“Well I’m the one who broke it, so it’s only fair that I fix it. So what do you want to work on next?” Xander asked. “I could do some rune work for you. Orrr… we could kiss some more?”
Valteria flushed at the question, but didn’t immediately say no.
A few minutes later, she found herself on her tip toes and lightly pressed against the interior wall of the shed, her lips pressed against Xanders.
Once the two of them were done acting like teenagers parked in a secluded parking lot, they made their way back into the shop. Stepping inside and closing the door behind them, Valteria let out a breath. “I think… you are going to have to do a lot of rune work to make up for how much you just kissed me, Xander.”
“What, you didn’t like it?” He said with a raised eyebrow.
“I didn’t say that,” Valteria said with a smirk.

Unfortunately, I failed a class this spring semester, which means I will fail my second SAP attempt. As a result, I have to return over $11,000 for the Spring semester, which I currently do not have. It's sad to leave NOVA, but I need to transfer to another school to regain FAFSA eligibility. There are no nearby community colleges in Virginia that are not in the VCCS, so I plan to move to another state. I am considering California, but I will need to wait a year to qualify for in-state tuition status.
What steps should I take now to prepare for this move? How does the transfer process for classes work? Are all classes transferable, or can I choose which classes to transfer or even opt not to transfer any? Will my GPA reset? Should I retake the class I failed this spring before I move? I am looking to start everything again and begin a new chapter at De Anza or Santa Monica Community College in California.
Will the mentors at California universities give me a chance? Financially, I only have a couple of thousand dollars to my name. What can I do to avoid homelessness in California? I know for transfer, universities will look at all my transcripts, and some universities will give me a chance if my grades show an upward trend. My biggest worry is that I will not have the chance for them to look at my extracurriculars and essays because they will recalculate my GPA, which means adding all the Fs and Cs to find an average. I'm worried that even if I have a 4.0 at a California Community College, I will still have a sub 1.0 GPA if they do recalculation and not meet the minimum GPA qualification. I'm afraid of repeating another two years at a California community college, only to potentially face transfer rejection due to my grades at NOVA.

Effective July 1, 2024, Air Canada is streamlining the validity of eUpgrade credits to provide

• Simplified Expiry: eUpgrade credits earned as part of your status benefits will be valid for 12 months from the date they are issued.

This is obviously a great change for people.
Sadly, I just got my eUpgrades today... Do you think Air Canada would be flexible on these changes and maybe change the expiration date of them? I'm not able to get any of the Air Canada Premium cards :(

https://twitter.com/NotRadix/status/1790123218314924295?s=19
This documentary filmmaker who’s been working hard on a film that exposes the corruption of the FBI & how they used an illegal entrapment scheme.
Without warning BoFA froze her funds and would not tell her when she could access them again and locked her out of all her accounts without a way to withdraw her money or even know her own account balance.
She explains there were zero issues with her account and that her account has always been in good standing for years without any issues on her part whatsoever.
After she began working on this film exposing the corruption of the FBI, her home was raided by law enforcement twice (they claimed she was swatted, but she believes someone was trying to send her a message to intimidate her).
Then this happened.
Out of no where, she was locked out of her account and could no longer access her money and was told the BofA risk department decided to close her account—without proper warning or refuge.
BofA also worked with the FBI & DOJ to target conservatives who were in DC on January 6th 2021.
Debanking is such an unpredictable threat to Americans now (but sadly many are unaware) that even country music star @johnrich recently launched a new bank called @OldGloryBank to help offer citizens an alternative that promises to never debank anyone for their political views.

So first of all, we all know Metacritic user reviews don’t really matter in the broad scheme of things. They don’t affect the quality of the game or how much we enjoy it. However, it’s sad to see this happening to Rebirth because it may impact peoples’ interest in playing it, and Rebirth is a great game that I think many more people would enjoy if they gave it a try.
It has now lost it’s “Universal Acclaim” status due to someone spamming zero scores from multiple accounts in the user reviews, and these reviews can’t be reported because they are textless reviews that can’t be viewed by users. Due to this, the negative reviews have now almost doubled in the last couple of days and sadly have no sign of slowing down.
I realize this post is more of a rant that anything, but since Metacritic is the most visited review site for games, it’s very disappointing that it can be so easily exploited like this.
EDIT: So it seems Metacritic have actually caught wind of the bombing already and have removed a huge chunk of the fake reviews. It’s nice to see they are taking steps to combat this. Hopefully it doesn’t happen again.

Had a really long day and today marks the second month of the breakup, still relapsing sadly, just want to be able to move on to the next chapter of my life. Maybe you might be a part of a new beginning for me. Hindi ko hanap to be in a relationship na status ulit or the similar (tho my doors will be open for it once I'm ready), but something casual, platonic and just wholesome, I'm okay with nsfw setups but priority ko is sfw talaga. We can chat about anything minor or have the deepest of talks, it's okay to me. Maybe open up for meetups in the near future kapag comfy na tayo sa isa't isa? Just slide into my dms if interested, as I want to meet someone new online ulit
About me; normal bmi, 5'5, graduating student, super duper introvert, born and raised abroad, no vices at all, really into f1 and star wars, doesn't like pineapples on pizza, pet peeve is to be late grr. The rest is information you will know once we chit chat and we click hehe
About you; introvert too (nego tbh), any age is fine, tho i lean into people who are older than me, can understand english kung kaya since dun ako comfy. is okay with aircon humor. other than that, im not picky about the rest of ur traits, just be yourself and be respectful!