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2024.05.14 07:35 Admirable-Marzipan48 Should I text her asking if I can call her to check in? How long to wait?
Greetings. Fellow introvert here and I’m a bit at a loss as to what to do in this situation. I have this bond/connection with a girl (who’s thousands of miles away but I’ll be seeing her in person soon, and we’re due to work together on a project shortly after) who’s another introvert but as I have little experience in the romance area, and we’ve both suffered heartbreak, I sometimes don’t know how to handle things. I wanted to hear more specifically from girls who are introverts as well.
She’s currently going through a very, very hard time, existential threat level (visa status in addition to a new job), and I know how stressed and overwhelmed she feels by all of it. I last talked to her for 3h30 (otherwise it’s very long emails and recently introduced texting) nine days ago, were meant to see each other last week but didn’t hear back (when she always shows up) and I’ve texted her three times over a few days so as to not be a total pain in the ass lol. Merely checking in on her, seeing if there were news, not pushing (and trying to avoid any trace of neediness).
I’m a naturally anxious person and I’ve always bottled up all my feelings inside and dealt with it all on my own, but I haven’t felt feelings like this for a girl in a decade plus and even then, it wasn’t as strong. She’d laid it on the table early on that sometimes she gets so overwhelmed and stressed from dealing with people, friends, etc, that her mood can go really low and she has to retreat and deal with it on her own for a while. But obviously, my mind can’t help but worry that something happened to her, that I’m going to lose her (more like I’m terrified of losing her) and I know deep down that it’s irrational, that she’ll pop up again, hopefully this week, and reply when she’s ready to reengage but I was wondering if it might not be a good idea to text her tomorrow something along the lines of “can I call you to check in on you?” if I haven’t heard back by then or should I just stop there, not insist, and wait for her to reply? I know she needs her space at times so I’m trying hard to respect that.
I’m trying really hard as well to reign in my pathetic neediness but my brain is really at peak anxiety and catastrophizing.
PS: please, no really negative takes that aren’t helpful. :D
submitted by Admirable-Marzipan48 to introvert [link] [comments]
She’s currently going through a very, very hard time, existential threat level (visa status in addition to a new job), and I know how stressed and overwhelmed she feels by all of it. I last talked to her for 3h30 (otherwise it’s very long emails and recently introduced texting) nine days ago, were meant to see each other last week but didn’t hear back (when she always shows up) and I’ve texted her three times over a few days so as to not be a total pain in the ass lol. Merely checking in on her, seeing if there were news, not pushing (and trying to avoid any trace of neediness).
I’m a naturally anxious person and I’ve always bottled up all my feelings inside and dealt with it all on my own, but I haven’t felt feelings like this for a girl in a decade plus and even then, it wasn’t as strong. She’d laid it on the table early on that sometimes she gets so overwhelmed and stressed from dealing with people, friends, etc, that her mood can go really low and she has to retreat and deal with it on her own for a while. But obviously, my mind can’t help but worry that something happened to her, that I’m going to lose her (more like I’m terrified of losing her) and I know deep down that it’s irrational, that she’ll pop up again, hopefully this week, and reply when she’s ready to reengage but I was wondering if it might not be a good idea to text her tomorrow something along the lines of “can I call you to check in on you?” if I haven’t heard back by then or should I just stop there, not insist, and wait for her to reply? I know she needs her space at times so I’m trying hard to respect that.
I’m trying really hard as well to reign in my pathetic neediness but my brain is really at peak anxiety and catastrophizing.
PS: please, no really negative takes that aren’t helpful. :D
2024.05.14 07:35 duckowucko [Long-Schall] Jackson Administration (1965-1969) Neoprogressivism
![[Long-Schall] Jackson Administration (1965-1969) Neoprogressivism](https://a.thumbs.redditmedia.com/DQJNWfkYYbdH4YoADAp8APpIhO92DgtKrP7JX6nxHQ8.jpg "[Long-Schall] Jackson Administration (1965-1969) Neoprogressivism") | President Henry Martin “Scoop” Jackson41st President of the United StatesVice President Nellie Stone Johnson Secretary of State: Claude Pepper Secretary of the Treasury: Maurine Neuberger Secretary of Defense: William Winter Attorney General: John Tower Secretary of the Navy: Arleigh Burke Secretary of the Interior: Edmund Muskie Secretary of Agriculture: Hubert Humphrey Secretary of Commerce: Asa Randolph Secretary of Labor: Leonard Woodcock Secretary of Education: Jane Jacobs Secretary of Health & Welfare: John Gardner (Since March 1965) Speaker of the House: Charles Halleck (Republican, 1965-1967)/Adam Powell Jr (Labor, 1967-) Pro Tempore: Lyndon Johnson (Labor) 1964 Election ResultsPresidentialLiberal candidate John Kennedy receives 115 electoral votes Margaret Smith received 38.57% of the vote John Kennedy received 20% of the vote Henry Jackson received 41.43% of the vote Jackson defied poll numbers While polling has consistently showed the election as a close race, almost all polls had the incumbent President, Margaret Smith, winning by 1 or 2 points up until the election. The last poll conducted on October 28th had Smith leading by 1 point, and Kennedy far behind both major candidates. Some have already begun to blame the Liberal Party and Kennedy for stealing moderate voters from another Republican victory. Regardless, The ever-ambitious Senator Scoop Jackson will enter the White House come January 20th. House Results https://preview.redd.it/4dtgc225tb0d1.jpg?width=901&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=410de5d3b1c2ead23e2dad5fb9c631c0d75af427 House Results After Liberal Dissolution (1965) https://preview.redd.it/ijk7i056tb0d1.jpg?width=901&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7dbd561cb43631563b3f0b3038c920fbd0482b2c
https://preview.redd.it/uox6o819tb0d1.jpg?width=901&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8e7b69257f8034a2d54b2f6d65941fb6a0b216ad Senate Results After Liberal Dissolution (1965) https://preview.redd.it/cela6go9tb0d1.jpg?width=901&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=adacec99aee191262505a313e933c01d536fe5e0
First 100 DaysRevenue Act of 1965The Revenue Act of 1965 would take a more progressive approach to taxation, increasing income taxes up to 7% in the highest tax bracket; all while lowering income taxes down by 4% for lower income households. The Act would also increase the Social Security Tax to 8%. House voted 228-207 Senate voted 52-48 Mass Transit Tax Act of 1965 The second Mass Transit Tax Act would lower short range rail and air transport by an average of 5%, while increasing long range rail and air transport by an average of 2%. International flight tickets would be increased as well, by an average of 6%. House voted 236-199 Senate voted 62-38 Minimum Wage Act of 1965 The long-standing federal Minimum Wage of $0.80/hour has been around since 1949, with no increase on the federal side of things. President Jackson and other Laborites were able to pull their weight and increase the federally-mandated minimum wage to $1.30/hour. Although the Labor Party advocated for a higher hourly wage, others in Congress feared a wage any higher would result in another economic panic following the near-collapse of the National Debt Ceiling a few years prior. House voted 227-208 Senate voted 52-48 Department of Health Foundation Act of 1965 Founded the Department of Health and Welfare to help administer and regulate various healthcare practices and the distribution of Social Security, medical tax breaks, and more. Though indirectly, Congress soon changes the Executive budget to cut the Department of the Interior's funding by 40%; most of that money going into the new Department of Health and Welfare. House voted 249-186 Senate voted 64-36 National Environmental and Water Policy Act of 1965 (NEWPA) Championed heavily by the President and young members of the Labor Party in Congress like Edmund Muskie, NEWPA places greater regulations and laws into place regarding water safety and treatment, water pollution, trash allocation, dump sites, and recycling; unseen since the progressive era of the early 1900s. These regulations are expected to greatly improve the environmental state of decay for decades to come. House voted 221-214 Senate voted 54-46 Death of former President, Theodore F. Green: May 19, 1966This morning, former President Theodore Francis Green passed away in his Rhode Island home at the age of 98, marking the oldest President at the time of his death. Green was a member of the Democratic Party and briefly the Anti-Fascist Alliance, taking charge from his previous position as Secretary of State after the sudden assassinations of sitting President Earl Browder and Vice President Upton Sinclair. President Green helped uncover the “Business Plot” orchestrated in part by J.P. Morgan Jr. and Prescott Sheldon Bush Sr, the latter being the father of sitting Texas Congressman George Bush.President Theodore F. Green led us through the horrors of the second world war after the sudden attack on Pearl Harbor, resigning his post and organizing a special election the year following the conclusion of the war itself. He was instrumental in the foundation of the United Nations and eventual foundation of both NATO and EATO two Presidents later. He was, and still remains a national hero in our hearts. President Henry Jackson, among former Presidents and dignitaries are expected to show up for his public funeral in Providence, Rhode Island. The public has been allowed to pay their respects at his grave site before his proper burial et to take place from May 19 at 9:00 AM to May 20 at 9:00 AM. Foreign Policy Ventures prior to the 1966 MidtermsEmbargo Act of 1965Supported already by the majority of the country, Scoop Jackson directed Congress to pass a full embargo of all raw and manufactured Cuban goods on entering the United States through any port or checkpoint. House voted 313-122 Senate voted 76-24 With the law being signed by the President in August that year, he would make a speech in Miami celebrating the passage of the act, glorifying its protections of American, anti-communist goods. Scoop would face some backlash over his anti-communist posturing, as the Labor Party has a small (but noticeable) sect of Communists in their ranks. The Saigon Summit In July of 1965, after riots against the French government in Saigon, and the breakout of a guerrilla war in French Cambodia, a summit was called in Saigon to determine the future of the city. President Jackson, President Ho Chi Minh, and President Charles de Gaulle met within the French administrative building to discuss the recent riots in the city and future between Saigon and Vietnam. Although much of Vietnam was granted total independence from French rule in 1950, French Saigon remained a thorn in Vietnam's side. France wished to keep as much of its dying empire as possible, and no one would fight harder at that than Charles de Gaulle himself. President Jackson wished to keep the peace and eventually coerce Vietnam into rejoining EATO. Talks were messy at times, as yelling could be heard from the chambers the talks were being held in, but the three would come to an agreement. Saigon would be administered by a joint Vietnamese-French government, and policing and law would gradually transition to local and Vietnamese systems. In return, Vietnam would promise to not get itself involved in the Cambodian guerilla war. 1966 MidtermsHouse Resultshttps://preview.redd.it/ntikw0octb0d1.png?width=901&format=png&auto=webp&s=942f182fe781579a9b8ddb47885e93f8223d35a4 7 Third Party/Independents
https://preview.redd.it/lr9x96hxtb0d1.png?width=901&format=png&auto=webp&s=8cd151e176c91a0dab249c04d53057b87fc1d66e 2 Independents
Invasion of SaigonIn December 1966, a clash between Vietnamese and French police during a riot led the Vietnamese side of the Saigon Transitional Government to call on Vietnamese military aid. Within hours, the Republic of Vietnam marched into the jointly occupied city. Rumors immediately began amassing that the Saigon police force worked with the Vietnamese government in order to cease Saigon before the transitional period was up. Although these rumors were just that, President Jackson was surely worried when the news hit him the next morning; alongside the French Ambassador asking for an audience with the President.French Ambassador Hervé Alphand would share with Scoop three things:
The French response was quick, with France officially leaving both NATO and EATO on December 18, 1966. The French declaration of war and further campaign into Vietnam began on the 20th. With naval and air landings concentrated around Rach Gia, Can Tho, My Tho, Saigon, and Vung Tau, the Second Indochina War began. Although Australia would provide weapon assistance, the other nations within both NATO and EATO held their breath on what to do. France had left the two most powerful military and economic alliances in the world, and President Jackson could not be more angry. Glasgow Conference of 1967With the war having gone on for nearly three months, and French military forces having begun to get bogged down by the Vietnamese harsh tactics; Can Tho remained the only major French-held territory in the young Republic. And although Vietnamese war tactics were questionable at best; much of the world was united in believing the French declaration of war was not entirely justifiable; with President Scoop Jackson and General Secretary Leonid Brezhnev at the forefront of organizing peace efforts within and without the UN. Although the United Nations have begun investigations into both the Vietnamese invasion of Saigon and the French declaration of war, they both had gotten bogged down by the surrounding war effort.It was agreed upon by several major powers to meet in Glasgow with French and Vietnamese delegates to discuss an armistice. The United States, United Kingdom, Soviet Union, and the People’s Republic of China agreed to enforce the following terms:
The Better Society PlanPlans drawn up between Pro Tempore Lyndon Johnson, Representative Claude Pepper, and Speaker Adam Powell Jr. would be taken to the President's desk following the first relatively calm year in the administration's history. Although much of the work on marketing the plan would be placed on Scoop himself; Johnson, Pepper, and Powell would act as the main sponsors of each piece in Congress. What would become the beginnings of the “Better Society Plan” would officially pass both houses of Congress throughout mid 1968.Cheap Food and Housing Act of 1968 A large bill authored primarily by Speaker Adam Powell Jr. and Secretary Hubert Humphrey; the Cheap Food and Housing Act would cover extensive social programs. Although, with weak support in Congress, many Republicans were able to push to soften these programs and add their own agendas on top of them. The final contents of this massive bill were as follows:
Senate voted 53-47 Medical Bill Reduction Act of 1968 This bill was authored by Representative Claude Pepper and Secretary John Gardner in order to fundamentally reduce medical expenses for the youth, elderly, and medically unable. The bill however was weakened significantly by the Republicans in Congress, only allowing for those receiving Social Security benefits to have reduced medical expenses paid for partially by the Department of Health and Welfare; no matter if the recipient is signed on with private insurance or the Public Option. House voted 220-215 Senate voted 53-47 Apollo 8: Americans on the Moon in November 1968!Thanks to streamlined efforts by Presidents Dwight Eisenhower and Margaret Smith the past 11 years, NASA and furthermore America were able to place the first men on the moon on November 12, 1967. In a speech made on national television that night in the hour following the conclusion of the live coverage of the moon landing, Scoop Jackson would put much of his thanks on the “Greatest mind our nation has ever had,” referring to Dr. J. Robert Oppenheimer. Oppenheimer, since 1961, has been placed in a secondary charge of the Apollo missions and a potential moon landing until his resignation in January 1967 and death the following month. Dr. Oppenheimer's expertise in theory and former President Smith's dedication for space exploration are likely candidates as to the victory America achieved that night.State of Asia in 1968 https://preview.redd.it/yt26bkb6ub0d1.png?width=595&format=png&auto=webp&s=4f8891be4a444d56ea6f7c252ded667383234fdd The United Nations has concluded their investigation into the potential legality and coercion in the events leading up to the invasion of Saigon. “While France has made compelling arguments for the contrary, regarding available documents and other pieces of evidence, the Vietnamese military occupation of Saigon was not a result of coercion, manipulation, embezzlement, bribery, or corruption within the Republic of Vietnam. The invitation of Vietnamese armed forces into the territory limits was done by the legal Vietnamese co-government of said territory, and therefore, is deemed a semi-legal occupation of the city. The United Nations upholds the results of the Glasgow Conference.” Gearing up for Reelection: A look at Potential ChallengersNotable Republicans that have declared candidacyFormer Vice President, Richard Nixon https://preview.redd.it/s64vumfxub0d1.jpg?width=3739&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1bff3f91005f9ed3559abb1334db75eac181ae75 Richard Nixon is back at it with his 4th attempt at a Presidential run, and if he wins the nomination or is selected as a running mate, 3rd attempt on a Presidential ticket. He is generally a moderate, but is definitely the wildcard. Despite his past of losing elections, he is somehow the safest, and perhaps most dangerous, to the Jackson administration. Governor Ronald Reagan https://preview.redd.it/bjb887w4vb0d1.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7cdd34a9a2caf74d4b7b2a18233bc141bc975e20 The Governor of California has perhaps one of the most charismatic voices in the nation, and is definitely a threat should he receive the Republican nomination. While he is charismatic, he is also the most Conservative of the major players for the Republican nomination. Reagan has instituted a mix of conservative and liberal policy as Governor of California, but has spouted rhetoric like all the former dixiecrats; just without blatant racism. Scoop believes Reagan is not only a credible threat to his Presidency, but also a threat to minority groups nationwide. “Draft Jack Kennedy” and “Draft Bobby Kennedy” https://preview.redd.it/s601w5x9vb0d1.jpg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5b99970534ba3ec17d1e7147231d0b5b45ad22e3 Despite neither Kennedy having decided to throw their hat in the ring this year, 1960 and 1964 Presidential candidate John Kennedy has received some support among anti-nixon moderates for the head of the ticket later this year. He has an air of charisma around him, much like his fellow Republican Ronald Reagan, but Kennedy has only commented on the matter stating he is “far too tired” for 3 Presidential runs in a row. The Senator's health is seemingly beginning to fail, as well. Despite the unlikeliness of the matter, Jackson is prepared to deal with Jack Kennedy again if he wins a draft. Opposed to his older brother, Governor Robert Kennedy has remained Non-Partisan since the fall of the Liberal Party 3 years prior. Bobby has had moderate support from both parties since the beginning of his governorship in 1963. Despite this, and probably with wishes to go against one of his brothers, Bobby Kennedy has denied to run or entertain a draft movement in his name. Scoop has declared Bobby to be of little threat. Other potential challengers Senator Russel Long https://preview.redd.it/vazyz7xevb0d1.jpg?width=223&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4693e838065dc8a3f31cf21f5d3cb8bece24dfc6 The long-serving Senator and son of former President Huey Long has walked the line of conservative, liberal, and progressive support throughout his career. In recent years, he has become more supportive of progressive social policies, and definitely leans economically toward Labor; but his reach across rural southerners matches a more populist approach. Long has already declared his independent candidacy for President. If Nixon isn't one, Long is certainly the most dangerous wildcard if he plays his hand right. Scoop will closely watch him. View Poll |
2024.05.14 07:25 amphibiouscatheter i’m scared my anxiety is becoming too much for me to handle
Hi everyone. The last few months have been an emotional rollercoaster and I feel like everything is catching up to me now. During February-April, I was interviewing for my 3rd time at 8 schools to get into grad school. In February, my grandma (someone who lived with our family and helped raise me) went into home hospice care and ending up passing away shortly after. I decided to take off work and live at home during this short time as I also had a few interviews during those same weeks. Without much time to process this loss by myself, I continued my interviews and found out I got into one of the schools that’s in another major city. A week after I found out this news and started the process of planning my move in a few months, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Luckily the prognosis is very good as it was caught early, but I feel like it all has emotionally caught up with me in past few weeks. I’m so worried about money, my family’s well-being, and still trying to keep up with the 2 jobs I’m working. I feel like I just cant stop these waves of nausea, episodes of vertigo, and feeling like i’m losing my mind or am going to die (my panic attacks often manifest like this). All of my friends live in the city I got into a school at, so I’ve been feeling very alone with my thoughts and not feeling sure of how to even discuss how terribly I’m doing mentally without making my friends and family worry (this makes my anxiety worse because I don’t want to feel like the cause of other peoples’ worry). I’m so tired all the time, I can’t sleep well because my brain keeps worrying about everything, and I am having a hard time eating (I just weighed myself and found out I lost almost 30 lbs the past 3 months). I feel so much shame around feeling like I can’t emotionally handle anything at 25 years old and I feel like I’m doing such a poor job at keeping up with all my responsibilities. I feel like I’m emotionally regressing back to the time my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in high school and, although he is still with us and healthy, I’m just so overwhelmed by everything. Luckily I have medication that works well for me and I have a therapist, but I still can’t help but feel like I’m doing such a bad job at practicing mindfulness and reminding myself what is within my control.
Anything that will validate how I’m feeling and/or support me in anyway is deeply appreciated! Thank you
submitted by amphibiouscatheter to Anxiety [link] [comments]
Anything that will validate how I’m feeling and/or support me in anyway is deeply appreciated! Thank you
2024.05.14 07:07 TerribleSell2997 Automotive Lubricants Market Increasing Demand, Growth Analysis and Future Outlook by 2031
~Automotive lubricants market~ is anticipated to grow at a CAGR of 6.5% during the forecast period (2024-2031). Automotive lubricant is a specialized fluid that reduces friction and wear between moving parts in an automobile's engine and other mechanical components. The growth of the market is attributed to the rising number of passenger vehicles, the expansion of the EV lubricant market, and the increasing need and awareness of vehicle maintenance and repair. Further, the market trends are moving toward the adoption of bio-based lubricants and a shift toward synthetic lubricants.
Get Free Sample link @ https://www.omrglobal.com/request-sample/automotive-lubricants-market
Global vehicle network has steadily grown in recent decades, particularly in emerging markets, owing to rising incomes and standards of living. As more vehicles are on the road, the demand for automotive lubricants for routine maintenance and repair has increased. For instance, as per IBEF India, the passenger car market was valued at $32.7 billion in 2021 and it is expected to reach a value of $54.8 billion by 2027 while registering a CAGR of over 9.0% from 2022-2027. In November 2023, the total production of passenger vehicles, three-wheelers, two-wheelers, and quadricycles was 2.2 million units. In (April-November) 2023-24, the total production of passenger vehicles, commercial vehicles, three-wheelers, two-wheelers, and quadricycles was 15.6 million units. Simultaneously, the automobile component industry turnover stood at $56.5 billion from April 2021 to March 2022. The industry had revenue growth of 23.0% as compared to 2018-19. The auto components industry is expected to grow to $200.0 billion by FY26.
full report of Automotive Lubricants Market available @ https://www.omrglobal.com/industry-reports/automotive-lubricants-market
· Market Coverage
· Market number available for – 2024-2031
· Base year- 2024
· Forecast period- 2024-2031
· Segment Covered- By Source, By Product Type, By Applications
· Competitive Landscape- Archer Daniels Midland Co., Ingredion Inc., Kerry Group Plc, Cargill
· Inc., and others
Market Segmentation
Global Automotive Lubricants Market by Oil Type
o Synthetic Lubricants
o Semi-synthetic Lubricants
o Bio-Based Lubricants
o Conventional Lubricants
Global Automotive Lubricants Market by Vehicle
o Passenger Vehicles
o Commercial Vehicles
o Two-Wheeler
Global Automotive Lubricants Market by Product Type
o Engine Oil
o Gear and Brake Oil
o Transmission Fluids
o Greases
o Coolant
Regional Analysis
o North America
o United States
o Canada
o Europe
o UK
o Germany
o Italy
o Spain
o France
o Rest of Europe
o Asia-Pacific
o China
o India
o Japan
o South Korea
o Rest of Asia-Pacific
o Rest of the World
o Latin America
o Middle East and Africa
Company Profiles
o Accu-Lube Manufacturing GmbH.
o Castrol India Ltd.
o Chevron Corp.
o Idemitsu Kosan
o ENEOS Group
o Exxon Mobil Corp.
o Gulf Oil Lubricants Ltd
o Indian Oil Corporation Ltd
o Oscar Lubricants LLC
o Panama Petrochem Ltd.
o R.W. Davis Oil Co.
o Savita Oil Technologies Ltd
o SINOPEC Group
o TRInternational, Inc.
o Valvoline
The Report Covers
About Orion Market Research Orion Market Research (OMR) is a market research and consulting company known for its crisp and concise reports. The company is equipped with an experienced team of analysts and consultants. OMR offers quality syndicated research reports, customized research reports, consulting and other research-based services. The company also offer Digital Marketing services through its subsidiary OMR Digital and Software development and Consulting Services through another subsidiary Encanto Technologies.
Media Contact:
Company Name: Orion Market Research
Contact Person: Mr. Anurag Tiwari
Email: [info@omrglobal.com](mailto:info@omrglobal.com)
Contact no: +91 780-304-0404
submitted by TerribleSell2997 to Nim2908 [link] [comments]
Get Free Sample link @ https://www.omrglobal.com/request-sample/automotive-lubricants-market
Global vehicle network has steadily grown in recent decades, particularly in emerging markets, owing to rising incomes and standards of living. As more vehicles are on the road, the demand for automotive lubricants for routine maintenance and repair has increased. For instance, as per IBEF India, the passenger car market was valued at $32.7 billion in 2021 and it is expected to reach a value of $54.8 billion by 2027 while registering a CAGR of over 9.0% from 2022-2027. In November 2023, the total production of passenger vehicles, three-wheelers, two-wheelers, and quadricycles was 2.2 million units. In (April-November) 2023-24, the total production of passenger vehicles, commercial vehicles, three-wheelers, two-wheelers, and quadricycles was 15.6 million units. Simultaneously, the automobile component industry turnover stood at $56.5 billion from April 2021 to March 2022. The industry had revenue growth of 23.0% as compared to 2018-19. The auto components industry is expected to grow to $200.0 billion by FY26.
full report of Automotive Lubricants Market available @ https://www.omrglobal.com/industry-reports/automotive-lubricants-market
· Market Coverage
· Market number available for – 2024-2031
· Base year- 2024
· Forecast period- 2024-2031
· Segment Covered- By Source, By Product Type, By Applications
· Competitive Landscape- Archer Daniels Midland Co., Ingredion Inc., Kerry Group Plc, Cargill
· Inc., and others
Market Segmentation
Global Automotive Lubricants Market by Oil Type
o Synthetic Lubricants
o Semi-synthetic Lubricants
o Bio-Based Lubricants
o Conventional Lubricants
Global Automotive Lubricants Market by Vehicle
o Passenger Vehicles
o Commercial Vehicles
o Two-Wheeler
Global Automotive Lubricants Market by Product Type
o Engine Oil
o Gear and Brake Oil
o Transmission Fluids
o Greases
o Coolant
Regional Analysis
o North America
o United States
o Canada
o Europe
o UK
o Germany
o Italy
o Spain
o France
o Rest of Europe
o Asia-Pacific
o China
o India
o Japan
o South Korea
o Rest of Asia-Pacific
o Rest of the World
o Latin America
o Middle East and Africa
Company Profiles
o Accu-Lube Manufacturing GmbH.
o Castrol India Ltd.
o Chevron Corp.
o Idemitsu Kosan
o ENEOS Group
o Exxon Mobil Corp.
o Gulf Oil Lubricants Ltd
o Indian Oil Corporation Ltd
o Oscar Lubricants LLC
o Panama Petrochem Ltd.
o R.W. Davis Oil Co.
o Savita Oil Technologies Ltd
o SINOPEC Group
o TRInternational, Inc.
o Valvoline
The Report Covers
- Market value data analysis of 2023 and forecast to 2031.
- Annualized market revenues ($ million) for each market segment.
- Country-wise analysis of major geographical regions.
- Key companies operating in automotive lubricants market. Based on the availability of data, information related to new product launches, and relevant news is also available in the report.
- Analysis of business strategies by identifying the key market segments positioned for strong growth in the future.
- Analysis of market-entry and market expansion strategies.
- Competitive strategies by identifying ‘who-stands-where’ in the market.
About Orion Market Research Orion Market Research (OMR) is a market research and consulting company known for its crisp and concise reports. The company is equipped with an experienced team of analysts and consultants. OMR offers quality syndicated research reports, customized research reports, consulting and other research-based services. The company also offer Digital Marketing services through its subsidiary OMR Digital and Software development and Consulting Services through another subsidiary Encanto Technologies.
Media Contact:
Company Name: Orion Market Research
Contact Person: Mr. Anurag Tiwari
Email: [info@omrglobal.com](mailto:info@omrglobal.com)
Contact no: +91 780-304-0404
2024.05.14 07:06 Any_Cartographer8064 Please help. Looking the title of a murder mystery/suspense genre book
I’m trying so hard to find this book I read at a previous job. It was about a single mom who took care of her father and son, worked for a news company that did stories on death row inmates. She ended up falling in love with her son’s coach. After a while of dating they got married and he soon became abusive. She ended up killing him and hiding the body in the woods. Someone please help!
submitted by Any_Cartographer8064 to whatsthatbook [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 07:06 No-Specialist3996 Sitting at home on unpaid suspension, need advice. [OH]
Throwaway account here, I currently work as a clinical Lab tech for a top hospital in the US. There are no cameras in our lab due to HIPAA.
I was called by my boss(J) 8 hours before my shift and he told me "someone called Hr and said you brought a knife to work so you are on unpaid suspension while we investigate."
Boss(J) plays favorites and since I don't kiss his ass, I am not a favorite, so he isn't going to help me. Fyi, This is the second time someone has called Hr on me, When I first started 6 months ago, a coworker and I were talking about firearms and how its 100% legal in our state to carry them in our locked cars. Someone overheard and was also triggered and called Hr about it, leading to a harsh meeting about weapons in the workplace.
Next a guy from Hr(B), calls and explains how coworkers( more than 1) were concerned because they saw me with a knife. And that I wasn't threatening anyone, although people were concerned.
For the record, I sometimes carry a leatherman multitool clipped in my pocket? Although I never carry any large fixed or folding blades or switch blades or anything like that. For my job sometimes I need pliers or scissors to fix or open something, etc. The provided equipment is always broken, missing etc.
I assume someone saw it in my pocket and assumed it was a large knife and got scared? I've seen dozens of nurses and maintenance guys carrying knives or multitools around the hospital. Do I admit to Hr that i sometimes carrying a leatherman? Or say I didn't bring in a knife, because it is a multitool.
The investigation is still ongoing, but they are threatening possible write ups or termination. Can they do that if they have zero proof, and working off accusations?
submitted by No-Specialist3996 to AskHR [link] [comments]
I was called by my boss(J) 8 hours before my shift and he told me "someone called Hr and said you brought a knife to work so you are on unpaid suspension while we investigate."
Boss(J) plays favorites and since I don't kiss his ass, I am not a favorite, so he isn't going to help me. Fyi, This is the second time someone has called Hr on me, When I first started 6 months ago, a coworker and I were talking about firearms and how its 100% legal in our state to carry them in our locked cars. Someone overheard and was also triggered and called Hr about it, leading to a harsh meeting about weapons in the workplace.
Next a guy from Hr(B), calls and explains how coworkers( more than 1) were concerned because they saw me with a knife. And that I wasn't threatening anyone, although people were concerned.
For the record, I sometimes carry a leatherman multitool clipped in my pocket? Although I never carry any large fixed or folding blades or switch blades or anything like that. For my job sometimes I need pliers or scissors to fix or open something, etc. The provided equipment is always broken, missing etc.
I assume someone saw it in my pocket and assumed it was a large knife and got scared? I've seen dozens of nurses and maintenance guys carrying knives or multitools around the hospital. Do I admit to Hr that i sometimes carrying a leatherman? Or say I didn't bring in a knife, because it is a multitool.
The investigation is still ongoing, but they are threatening possible write ups or termination. Can they do that if they have zero proof, and working off accusations?
2024.05.14 07:03 TerribleSell2997 Railway Management System Market Increasing Demand, Growth Analysis and Future Outlook by 2031
~Railway management system market~ is anticipated to grow at a significant CAGR of 13.2% during the forecast period (2024-2031). The market growth is attributed to the increasing dependability of society on railroads, increased infrastructure development, safety and security, growing use of IoT and automation, and rising global passenger traffic, globally. Furthermore, the global market is being positively impacted by the growing expenditures made by governments globally to modernize the infrastructure of already-existing railways through the integration of intelligent sensors, big data analytics, the Internet of Things (IoT), and others.
Get Free Sample link @ https://www.omrglobal.com/request-sample/railway-management-system-market
Effective asset scheduling, monitoring, and maintenance are necessary for a smooth rail operation. Scheduled maintenance causes downtime, which lowers asset productivity. Owing to the low success rate of manual maintenance, this downtime is further prolonged. Rail authorities place a strong emphasis on condition-based and predictive maintenance solutions to increase efficiency and decrease time consumption. By assisting with timely asset scheduling and monitoring, these solutions reduce downtime. In addition, a major growth-inducing aspect is the growing requirement for profitability enhancement, operational cost reduction, passenger safety, and railway management system optimization to drive the growth of the market.
full report of Railway Management System Market available @ https://www.omrglobal.com/industry-reports/railway-management-system-market
· Market Coverage
· Market number available for – 2024-2031
· Base year- 2024
· Forecast period- 2024-2031
· Segment Covered- By Source, By Product Type, By Applications
· Competitive Landscape- Archer Daniels Midland Co., Ingredion Inc., Kerry Group Plc, Cargill
· Inc., and others
Market Segmentation
Global Railway Management System Market by Offering
o Solution
o Rail Operations Management
o Rail Traffic Management
o Signaling Solution
o Real-Time Train Planning And Route Scheduling/Optimizing
o Centralized Traffic Control
o Positive Train Control
o Rail Communications-Based Train Control (CBTC)
o Asset Management
o Enterprise Asset Management
o Field Service Management
o Asset Performance Management
o Intelligent In-Train Solutions
o Services
o Consulting Services
o System Integration And Deployment Services
o Support And Maintenance Services
Global Railway Management System Market by Deployment Mode
o Cloud
o On-Premise
Regional Analysis
o North America
o United States
o Canada
o Europe
o UK
o Germany
o Italy
o Spain
o France
o Rest of Europe
o Asia-Pacific
o China
o India
o Japan
o South Korea
o Rest of Asia-Pacific
o Rest of the World
o Latin America
o Middle East & Africa
Company Profiles
o ABB Ltd.
o Advantech Co., Ltd.
o Belden Inc.
o CAF, Construcciones y Auxiliar de Ferrocarriles, S.A.
o CGI Inc.
o Cisco Systems, Inc.
o General Electric Company
o Honeywell International Inc.
o IBM Corp.
o Indra Sistemas S.A.
o L&T Technology Services Ltd.
o Mitsubishi Electric Group
o Moxa Inc.
o Nokia Corp.
o Railnova SA
o Selectron Systems AG
o Toshiba Infrastructure Systems & Solutions Corp.
o Trimble Inc.
o Vector Informatik GmbH
o Wabtec Corp.
The Report Covers
About Orion Market Research Orion Market Research (OMR) is a market research and consulting company known for its crisp and concise reports. The company is equipped with an experienced team of analysts and consultants. OMR offers quality syndicated research reports, customized research reports, consulting and other research-based services. The company also offer Digital Marketing services through its subsidiary OMR Digital and Software development and Consulting Services through another subsidiary Encanto Technologies.
Media Contact:
Company Name: Orion Market Research
Contact Person: Mr. Anurag Tiwari
Email: [info@omrglobal.com](mailto:info@omrglobal.com)
Contact no: +91 780-304-0404
submitted by TerribleSell2997 to Nim2908 [link] [comments]
Get Free Sample link @ https://www.omrglobal.com/request-sample/railway-management-system-market
Effective asset scheduling, monitoring, and maintenance are necessary for a smooth rail operation. Scheduled maintenance causes downtime, which lowers asset productivity. Owing to the low success rate of manual maintenance, this downtime is further prolonged. Rail authorities place a strong emphasis on condition-based and predictive maintenance solutions to increase efficiency and decrease time consumption. By assisting with timely asset scheduling and monitoring, these solutions reduce downtime. In addition, a major growth-inducing aspect is the growing requirement for profitability enhancement, operational cost reduction, passenger safety, and railway management system optimization to drive the growth of the market.
full report of Railway Management System Market available @ https://www.omrglobal.com/industry-reports/railway-management-system-market
· Market Coverage
· Market number available for – 2024-2031
· Base year- 2024
· Forecast period- 2024-2031
· Segment Covered- By Source, By Product Type, By Applications
· Competitive Landscape- Archer Daniels Midland Co., Ingredion Inc., Kerry Group Plc, Cargill
· Inc., and others
Market Segmentation
Global Railway Management System Market by Offering
o Solution
o Rail Operations Management
o Rail Traffic Management
o Signaling Solution
o Real-Time Train Planning And Route Scheduling/Optimizing
o Centralized Traffic Control
o Positive Train Control
o Rail Communications-Based Train Control (CBTC)
o Asset Management
o Enterprise Asset Management
o Field Service Management
o Asset Performance Management
o Intelligent In-Train Solutions
o Services
o Consulting Services
o System Integration And Deployment Services
o Support And Maintenance Services
Global Railway Management System Market by Deployment Mode
o Cloud
o On-Premise
Regional Analysis
o North America
o United States
o Canada
o Europe
o UK
o Germany
o Italy
o Spain
o France
o Rest of Europe
o Asia-Pacific
o China
o India
o Japan
o South Korea
o Rest of Asia-Pacific
o Rest of the World
o Latin America
o Middle East & Africa
Company Profiles
o ABB Ltd.
o Advantech Co., Ltd.
o Belden Inc.
o CAF, Construcciones y Auxiliar de Ferrocarriles, S.A.
o CGI Inc.
o Cisco Systems, Inc.
o General Electric Company
o Honeywell International Inc.
o IBM Corp.
o Indra Sistemas S.A.
o L&T Technology Services Ltd.
o Mitsubishi Electric Group
o Moxa Inc.
o Nokia Corp.
o Railnova SA
o Selectron Systems AG
o Toshiba Infrastructure Systems & Solutions Corp.
o Trimble Inc.
o Vector Informatik GmbH
o Wabtec Corp.
The Report Covers
- Market value data analysis of 2023 and forecast to 2031.
- Annualized market revenues ($ million) for each market segment.
- Country-wise analysis of major geographical regions.
- Key companies operating in railway management system market. Based on the availability of data, information related to new product launches, and relevant news is also available in the report.
- Analysis of business strategies by identifying the key market segments positioned for strong growth in the future.
- Analysis of market-entry and market expansion strategies.
- Competitive strategies by identifying ‘who-stands-where’ in the market.
About Orion Market Research Orion Market Research (OMR) is a market research and consulting company known for its crisp and concise reports. The company is equipped with an experienced team of analysts and consultants. OMR offers quality syndicated research reports, customized research reports, consulting and other research-based services. The company also offer Digital Marketing services through its subsidiary OMR Digital and Software development and Consulting Services through another subsidiary Encanto Technologies.
Media Contact:
Company Name: Orion Market Research
Contact Person: Mr. Anurag Tiwari
Email: [info@omrglobal.com](mailto:info@omrglobal.com)
Contact no: +91 780-304-0404
2024.05.14 07:00 Jaye134 QUESTIONS ABOUT JOINING AND JOBS, Transferring in from another branch/service, Benefits, Life & Jobs, Palace Chase, MEPS, Basic Training, Tech Schools, Pilot Selection, etc. Go Here and Only Here 14 May - 29 May
Joining posts outside of this thread will be deleted
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2024.05.14 06:47 GoldenO2024 TJO Rescinded -- Is It Worth It to ask for Reconsideration? (Long Post)
Hello guys.... just looking for any helpful advice or suggestions. This is a secondary throwaway account. I will put as much details w/o oversharing since you never know who reads these post.
So, I had received a TJO a few weeks ago. Did the required preliminary steps and was waiting hopefully for the FJO.
Today I got an email stating the offer was rescinded. This is the edited version of the email:
BACK STORY - Part 1
I had worked for this agency 10-15 years ago, not to long after I finished my Masters. It was my first government job.
I started off in Unit A and about two months in was interviewed for Unit B (which had been my 1st preference). A few weeks after, I got the position and started in Unit B soon after.
I ended my position in Unit A in good standing and my manager for that Unit was happy for me and have given the manager I was going to be assigned to in Unit B great reviews about my general work performance. These two Units were in the same POD and working in Unit A was generally a stepping stone to get into Unit B if so desired.
Now, the full training period for this agency for this Unit B is quite long and is broken up in parts over a period of time. There were several of us new employees for this Unit B Manager.
BACK STORY - Part 2
After the first training session, we were back to our POD and assigned OJI's. The first few weeks was about trying to put what we learned in the training to now real life application. For the most part, during the first 2 months we dealt mostly with the OJI's. Now, my feedback from the OJI was positive and constructive. The OJI would always tell our group that it takes a while to really learn the job and that the agency wasn't expecting us to get it even in our first few years. This echoed what was told to us repeatedly during training.
Now enter the Manager (MB) - Not long after MB starts to review our cases, one of my teammates (T1) starts to complain to me about feeling targeted and not receiving proper assistance. T1 stated that the MB seemed to be trying to create a negative paper trail with the performance reviews. Not to long after this started, T1 informed me about being given 30 days to resign or they would receive a termination letter. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I mean, we literally hadn't even been out of training for 2 months when this happened to T1.
T1 was told he could go to the Union Rep. to talk about options, but that UR was not helpful (as I would also later find out) and basically said, probationary employees could be terminated for various reasons (similar to being At-Will in the private sector). He resigned because he didn't want any negative remarks on his records, especially for future government options.
Back Story (Part 3)
Not long after T1 left, I started getting the same treatments in terms of overly negative remarks about my work. The manager even started to tell me that the job was not for everybody. Due to what happened with T1, I kind off had an idea where this was heading so MB basically gave me a similar ultimatum of termination or resign within a set period of time, I wasn't fully surprised but still broke down in tears asking for the full training period before such a drastic determination could be made. The manager would not budge. I was offered the same option of speaking with the Union Rep. It was the same UR (worked in the same POD) and while they expressed surprised and some outrage and hinted at a PATTERN (details later) in that POD, they basically gave me the same spiel as was given to T2 and I took the option of resigning.
Back Story (Part 4)
Fast Forward about 6 years after leaving that agency. I had gone through various life events and working private sector.
T1 whom I kept in touch with occasionally, reached out and asked if I was willing to talk a friend. They explained that this person (S1) has been hired a few months before our group in the agency, Unit B. They had been under a different manager for about 5-6 years before their manager retired and S1's team was merged with MB's team.
Long story short - S1 who was a Highly Successful rated employee with a prior manager, was within less than a year placed on a performance improvement plan within a year of joining MB team.
However, since S1 had past the probationary period and was a permanent employee with a good performance record, they were able to file an EEOC complaint and after a long battle SI won the case. T1, myself and another employee (we discovered during this process) that was forced out in the same manner testified during S1 hearing.
There was much more but ......As for the Pattern, T1, myself, S1 and plus another employee were all from the same or had family background from a certain region.
Back to Present Day
S1 wants me to ask for a reconsideration and explain my situation. She feels that MB must have put something on my internal records to make me unemployable to this particular agency. I did get hired a few years back to a different agency and this issue never came up. I resigned during Covid period and went back to Private.
So... Anyone ever been in a similar situation? If so, what was the results?
submitted by GoldenO2024 to usajobs [link] [comments]
So, I had received a TJO a few weeks ago. Did the required preliminary steps and was waiting hopefully for the FJO.
Today I got an email stating the offer was rescinded. This is the edited version of the email:
- The offer was pending the result of pre-employment eligibility checks, including a review of your prior XXX performance and conduct. In reviewing the results of your prior XXX performance/conduct, you are found ineligible based on the (insert some legal regulation/code).
BACK STORY - Part 1
I had worked for this agency 10-15 years ago, not to long after I finished my Masters. It was my first government job.
I started off in Unit A and about two months in was interviewed for Unit B (which had been my 1st preference). A few weeks after, I got the position and started in Unit B soon after.
I ended my position in Unit A in good standing and my manager for that Unit was happy for me and have given the manager I was going to be assigned to in Unit B great reviews about my general work performance. These two Units were in the same POD and working in Unit A was generally a stepping stone to get into Unit B if so desired.
Now, the full training period for this agency for this Unit B is quite long and is broken up in parts over a period of time. There were several of us new employees for this Unit B Manager.
BACK STORY - Part 2
After the first training session, we were back to our POD and assigned OJI's. The first few weeks was about trying to put what we learned in the training to now real life application. For the most part, during the first 2 months we dealt mostly with the OJI's. Now, my feedback from the OJI was positive and constructive. The OJI would always tell our group that it takes a while to really learn the job and that the agency wasn't expecting us to get it even in our first few years. This echoed what was told to us repeatedly during training.
Now enter the Manager (MB) - Not long after MB starts to review our cases, one of my teammates (T1) starts to complain to me about feeling targeted and not receiving proper assistance. T1 stated that the MB seemed to be trying to create a negative paper trail with the performance reviews. Not to long after this started, T1 informed me about being given 30 days to resign or they would receive a termination letter. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I mean, we literally hadn't even been out of training for 2 months when this happened to T1.
T1 was told he could go to the Union Rep. to talk about options, but that UR was not helpful (as I would also later find out) and basically said, probationary employees could be terminated for various reasons (similar to being At-Will in the private sector). He resigned because he didn't want any negative remarks on his records, especially for future government options.
Back Story (Part 3)
Not long after T1 left, I started getting the same treatments in terms of overly negative remarks about my work. The manager even started to tell me that the job was not for everybody. Due to what happened with T1, I kind off had an idea where this was heading so MB basically gave me a similar ultimatum of termination or resign within a set period of time, I wasn't fully surprised but still broke down in tears asking for the full training period before such a drastic determination could be made. The manager would not budge. I was offered the same option of speaking with the Union Rep. It was the same UR (worked in the same POD) and while they expressed surprised and some outrage and hinted at a PATTERN (details later) in that POD, they basically gave me the same spiel as was given to T2 and I took the option of resigning.
Back Story (Part 4)
Fast Forward about 6 years after leaving that agency. I had gone through various life events and working private sector.
T1 whom I kept in touch with occasionally, reached out and asked if I was willing to talk a friend. They explained that this person (S1) has been hired a few months before our group in the agency, Unit B. They had been under a different manager for about 5-6 years before their manager retired and S1's team was merged with MB's team.
Long story short - S1 who was a Highly Successful rated employee with a prior manager, was within less than a year placed on a performance improvement plan within a year of joining MB team.
However, since S1 had past the probationary period and was a permanent employee with a good performance record, they were able to file an EEOC complaint and after a long battle SI won the case. T1, myself and another employee (we discovered during this process) that was forced out in the same manner testified during S1 hearing.
There was much more but ......As for the Pattern, T1, myself, S1 and plus another employee were all from the same or had family background from a certain region.
Back to Present Day
S1 wants me to ask for a reconsideration and explain my situation. She feels that MB must have put something on my internal records to make me unemployable to this particular agency. I did get hired a few years back to a different agency and this issue never came up. I resigned during Covid period and went back to Private.
So... Anyone ever been in a similar situation? If so, what was the results?
2024.05.14 06:33 LibertyHeritage I (23F) am starting to build resentment in my relationship with my boyfriend (27M) and need advice. What should I do?
Me (23F) and my boyfriend (27M) have had quite the untraditional relationship from its very start and I think it's starting to show in the form of resentment.
I want to preface this by saying this is my first Reddit post so please bear with me and any mistakes I may make in creating this post.
Anyway, my boyfriend and I met a 2.5 years ago on a dating app in November of 2021 and had four wonderful months together before he landed his first job fresh out of college with no consideration as to how it would affect our relationship or how I would feel about it. Upon hire, this job told him he would be working 2 weeks on with 2 weeks off and so on. Ever since the start he was always gone for a minimum of a month at a time with not even a week off between hitches. This severely limited our time to grow together as a new couple. At first, I was okay with it, ever happy for him, but as time progressed I quickly became lonely. I expressed this to him for many months but he never had the courage to confront his boss about their original agreement and how it had never been upheld. I should also mention that this job required him to work 6pm-6am 7 days a week. I usually worked 6am- 2pm while going to school and even after I graduated college. That being said, we rarely ever got to talk while he was away because one of us would be sleeping while the other working.
He lived in a small house by himself at this time and had no roommates. I had my own apartment just a couple minutes down the road. Because of him being gone all the time, I offered to start checking up on the house during the summer (2022) while he was away to make sure it was being maintained and not broken into or anything. Me, being the person I am, couldn't help but see the grass overgrown, the house dirty, etc., and not do anything about it. So, as a loving girlfriend, I would do a great amount of work maintaining the house in his absence. I even went above and beyond one week and spent 10+ hours a day deep-cleaning the house from top to bottom as he and his roommates had left it quite filthy, if you can imagine with it being a boys' college house. (Yes, I know that sounds crazy but part of me was hoping one day I would live there and couldn't imagine doing so in the condition it was in.)
Fast forward to December of 2022, my boyfriend asked me to move in with him. He still had the same job which had put a huge strain on our relationship, but part of me hoped this would help put us back on track.
I moved in, of course, and things progressively got worse. I finally told him I couldn't stay with someone who was never even around to be with and he finally got a new job this last March (2024). This job was supposed to be remote with him going out in the field 5% of the time and always having weekends off. This was great until the job started running out of work for him. They started offering to send him away to other states like his old job did for work only this time he wouldn't tell me until a day or two in advance and I'm never sure when he'll be back. Going on these trips also aren't a requirement for him but rather ensure he gets a minimum of 40 hours a week.
Fast forward to now, over a year later, and I feel stuck. I have told him time and time again that I can't keep living in this house like a live-in maid. We split all the bills equally and yet he's the one always away only ever working while I'm working full-time, taking care of our 4 pets, maintaining the house (cleaning, yard maintenance, fixing all the broken things that come with an old house, making improvements, etc) and always having so much weight on my shoulders that prevent me from being able to ever sit down and relax or have time to myself.
To top things off, I recently lost my grandmother, my dad has been in and out of the hospital, and I got a new job that I have no experience for so it's ALL brand new to me and a lot to learn. Needless to say, my plate is always full while he just has to wake up, go to work, go to bed, repeat. And when he comes home he does next to nothing. I have to beg him to help me with things around the house or to fix things and even then it rarely ever happens.
Intimacy in our relationship is next to nonexistent, he forgot my birthday last year, never shows affection, or does small things for me like buy me flowers or things to show his love for me, etc. I feel like I'm dating a ghost that I no longer have any attraction towards and am even building resentment for.
So, in a long-winded way, what do I do? I need help or advice as to what I should do. I feel stuck but can't move out because it's too expensive and there are no places available to rent within my budget that allow pets. I thought about moving back home temporarily but I JUST started this new job a month ago. Part of me wants to make it work, but part of me doesn't and I am tired of wrestling with myself for the last year. So, I need your guys' thoughts on my situation.
Comment any questions and I will do my best to answer them. Thanks in advance :)
submitted by LibertyHeritage to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I want to preface this by saying this is my first Reddit post so please bear with me and any mistakes I may make in creating this post.
Anyway, my boyfriend and I met a 2.5 years ago on a dating app in November of 2021 and had four wonderful months together before he landed his first job fresh out of college with no consideration as to how it would affect our relationship or how I would feel about it. Upon hire, this job told him he would be working 2 weeks on with 2 weeks off and so on. Ever since the start he was always gone for a minimum of a month at a time with not even a week off between hitches. This severely limited our time to grow together as a new couple. At first, I was okay with it, ever happy for him, but as time progressed I quickly became lonely. I expressed this to him for many months but he never had the courage to confront his boss about their original agreement and how it had never been upheld. I should also mention that this job required him to work 6pm-6am 7 days a week. I usually worked 6am- 2pm while going to school and even after I graduated college. That being said, we rarely ever got to talk while he was away because one of us would be sleeping while the other working.
He lived in a small house by himself at this time and had no roommates. I had my own apartment just a couple minutes down the road. Because of him being gone all the time, I offered to start checking up on the house during the summer (2022) while he was away to make sure it was being maintained and not broken into or anything. Me, being the person I am, couldn't help but see the grass overgrown, the house dirty, etc., and not do anything about it. So, as a loving girlfriend, I would do a great amount of work maintaining the house in his absence. I even went above and beyond one week and spent 10+ hours a day deep-cleaning the house from top to bottom as he and his roommates had left it quite filthy, if you can imagine with it being a boys' college house. (Yes, I know that sounds crazy but part of me was hoping one day I would live there and couldn't imagine doing so in the condition it was in.)
Fast forward to December of 2022, my boyfriend asked me to move in with him. He still had the same job which had put a huge strain on our relationship, but part of me hoped this would help put us back on track.
I moved in, of course, and things progressively got worse. I finally told him I couldn't stay with someone who was never even around to be with and he finally got a new job this last March (2024). This job was supposed to be remote with him going out in the field 5% of the time and always having weekends off. This was great until the job started running out of work for him. They started offering to send him away to other states like his old job did for work only this time he wouldn't tell me until a day or two in advance and I'm never sure when he'll be back. Going on these trips also aren't a requirement for him but rather ensure he gets a minimum of 40 hours a week.
Fast forward to now, over a year later, and I feel stuck. I have told him time and time again that I can't keep living in this house like a live-in maid. We split all the bills equally and yet he's the one always away only ever working while I'm working full-time, taking care of our 4 pets, maintaining the house (cleaning, yard maintenance, fixing all the broken things that come with an old house, making improvements, etc) and always having so much weight on my shoulders that prevent me from being able to ever sit down and relax or have time to myself.
To top things off, I recently lost my grandmother, my dad has been in and out of the hospital, and I got a new job that I have no experience for so it's ALL brand new to me and a lot to learn. Needless to say, my plate is always full while he just has to wake up, go to work, go to bed, repeat. And when he comes home he does next to nothing. I have to beg him to help me with things around the house or to fix things and even then it rarely ever happens.
Intimacy in our relationship is next to nonexistent, he forgot my birthday last year, never shows affection, or does small things for me like buy me flowers or things to show his love for me, etc. I feel like I'm dating a ghost that I no longer have any attraction towards and am even building resentment for.
So, in a long-winded way, what do I do? I need help or advice as to what I should do. I feel stuck but can't move out because it's too expensive and there are no places available to rent within my budget that allow pets. I thought about moving back home temporarily but I JUST started this new job a month ago. Part of me wants to make it work, but part of me doesn't and I am tired of wrestling with myself for the last year. So, I need your guys' thoughts on my situation.
Comment any questions and I will do my best to answer them. Thanks in advance :)
2024.05.14 06:32 Taratorschushka Happy Japan
Hello Embroidery Heads,
I've been looking to invest in a Happy Japan machine for a couple of months now as I am currently outsourcing my embroidery jobs.
Although I've been learning digitizing, I wonder how hard/time consuming is the daily/monthly maintenance? Do you have any source videos or documents that can help me prepare?
If you have experience with Happy Japan, could you help me choose between three models:
HCS3-1201-30
HCD3E-1501-40
HCU2-1501-40
I couldn't find any significant difference than the size of the embroidery field, the tubes that help with the threading and the automatic material thickness detection system.
tl;dr: How hard is it to maintain a Happy Japan embroidery machine. Does it need daily use?
Could you give any opinions on these 3 models:
HCS3-1201-30
HCD3E-1501-40
HCU2-1501-40
submitted by Taratorschushka to Machine_Embroidery [link] [comments]
I've been looking to invest in a Happy Japan machine for a couple of months now as I am currently outsourcing my embroidery jobs.
Although I've been learning digitizing, I wonder how hard/time consuming is the daily/monthly maintenance? Do you have any source videos or documents that can help me prepare?
If you have experience with Happy Japan, could you help me choose between three models:
HCS3-1201-30
HCD3E-1501-40
HCU2-1501-40
I couldn't find any significant difference than the size of the embroidery field, the tubes that help with the threading and the automatic material thickness detection system.
tl;dr: How hard is it to maintain a Happy Japan embroidery machine. Does it need daily use?
Could you give any opinions on these 3 models:
HCS3-1201-30
HCD3E-1501-40
HCU2-1501-40
2024.05.14 06:22 astrowithakshay Aaj Ka Rashifal 14 May 2024: Today people of these zodiac signs are going to get good news, know your horoscope
 | Tuesday is especially dedicated to the worship of Hanumanji. It is believed that by worshiping Hanumanji, all the troubles of life go away and Bajrangbali fulfills all the wishes of his devotees. According to astrological calculations, May 14 is going to be very auspicious for some zodiac signs while others may have to face minor problems in life. submitted by astrowithakshay to u/astrowithakshay [link] [comments] Aaj Ka Rashifal 14 May 2024: Today people of these zodiac signs are going to get good news, know your horoscope Today's Horoscope 14 May 2024: Aries- Today Aries people will get new achievements in their career. You will get relief from property-related disputes. Students will have immense success in their careers. Responsibility will increase in family life. There will be chances of an increase in material happiness and wealth. With the help of family members, there will be new opportunities for financial gain. There will be opportunities to work on new projects in the office. Long pending work will be successful. There will be happiness, prosperity, and prosperity in life. An interesting person will enter the love life of single people. Love and romance will remain intact in relationships. Taurus- People of Taurus zodiac should pay more attention to financial matters. Do new financial planning. Manage money wisely. Avoid taking any decision in haste. The environment will be favorable for jobs and business. Will participate in social programs. Disappointing results may be obtained in educational work. But remain patient and work hard to achieve success. Try to improve your performance. This will lead to significant success in every area of life. There will be an abundance of love and trust in romantic life. Gemini- Today will be a day full of ups and downs. There may be an argument with your spouse regarding past issues. Spend quality time with your partner. You can plan a surprise gift or trip for your partner. This will increase love and trust in relationships. Family life will be happy. Some people may plan to purchase land or vehicles. Will be lucky in financial matters. There will be an increase in amenities. You can plan a candlelight dinner or gift with your partner. This will maintain love and trust in relationships. Cancer - Today is a good day to start new work. Acquaintances will increase in professional life. You will get relief from a long-standing disease. The inflow of money will increase. There will be new exciting turns in life. Do not take any risks in educational work. Work hard to achieve success. Today your respect and honor in society will increase. Romantic life will be good. You will enjoy the pleasant moments of a relationship with your spouse. There will be happiness and peace in family life. Leo – Your health will be good today. The economic situation will be strong. Your work will be appreciated in the office. It will be appreciated in the society. There will be many important changes in life. You will get relief from the loan taken for purchasing property. There may be difficulty in educational work. But work done with hard work and dedication will yield better results than expected. There will be plenty of love and romance in love life. But respect your partner's views. Try to make your relationship stronger and deeper together. Virgo - Today is going to be an auspicious day. You will get good returns from old investments. The economic situation will improve. Your work will yield pleasant results. There will be new opportunities for financial gain with the help of friends. There will be chances of traveling. There will be profit in business. Will earn money by selling or renting property. Some students may face difficulties in getting admission to a good school. However, don't worry too much. Circumstances will improve soon. Maintain a healthy lifestyle. Do yoga and meditation daily. Include green vegetables and fruits in your diet. This will improve your overall health. There will be happiness and peace in love life. Libra- People of the Libra zodiac should pay special attention to their health today. The mind will be troubled due to excess expenses. New sources of increase in income will be created. There will be happiness in family life. Work pressure will increase. There will be an atmosphere of competition in the office. Don't take too much stress from work. Today there will be new opportunities for financial gain by selling old property. Students should focus on their future and work hard every day to achieve success. Today the emotional bond with your partner will be strong. Will live a happy life. Scorpio – Be a little careful in financial matters. Manage money wisely. Work hard to achieve success in your career. Today ideological differences with family members are possible. Problems will remain in family life. You may have to travel to attend a function at home with the family. There will be financial gain from ancestral property. New sources of increase in income will be created. Today your financial situation will be strong. There will be happiness in love life. Relationships with spouse will become stronger. Sagittarius- Be a little cautious in financial matters. Today the mind will be worried about money-related problems. There will be challenging situations at the workplace. Attend family functions with relatives. There will be chances of traveling. You will receive good news in your career. It is a good day for purchasing property. You can visit some religious places with family. Avoid unnecessary arguments with colleagues at the workplace and take full advantage of opportunities for advancement. Capricorn - Will be lucky in financial matters. The inflow of money will increase. There will be a very busy schedule in professional life. of tasks, Responsibility will increase. Maintain balance in personal and professional life. Don't take too much stress from work. Spend time with your loved one. Some people may get relief from property-related disputes today. There will be an increase in social status and prestige. Luck will favor you in educational work. You will get good results in competitive exams. There will be many big changes in love life. There will be new exciting turns in relationships. Aquarius- Today luck will favor the people of the Aquarius sign. The economic situation will be strong. With the help of elder brothers and sisters, there will be countless opportunities for career advancement. The chances of promotion or appraisal of employed people will increase. Will get support from family members. All your dreams will come true. You can plan to purchase a new house or vehicle. Your performance in the office will be excellent. Luck will be on your side in every field. There will be happiness and peace in romantic life. But stay away from unnecessary arguments with your partner. Try to strengthen your relationship together. Pisces- Explore new things in life today. Manage money wisely. Take full advantage of golden opportunities for progress in professional life. There are chances for IT and healthcare professionals to travel abroad. Material comforts will increase. There will be many opportunities for investment in real estate. But take decisions related to money very thoughtfully. Don't hesitate to seek expert advice if needed. Spend quality time with your partner. Akshay Jamdagni: Expert in Astrology, Vastu, Numerology, Horoscope Reading, Education, Business, Health, Festivals, and Puja, provide you with the best solutions and suggestions for your life’s betterment. 9837376839 |
2024.05.14 06:15 jsakic99 ACS May-14-2024: Sam Tripoli and Mary Basmadjian
Sam Tripoli returns and the guys chat about 15-minute cities and Boeing. Adam complains about a closed portion of Topanga Canyon that won’t be repaired until fall and the two share stories about fighting tickets and Sam’s cop-phobia.
Chris reports the news on Steve Buscemi being randomly punched in the face in New York, a man finding a clever way to hide a boat in his driveway, a woman avoiding jail time after poisoning her husband’s coffee for months, and kids winning a lawsuit after being expelled for blackface when it was really an acne mask.
Lastly, comedian Mary Basmadjian joins the show. She talks about her special being filmed at the El Portal Theatre, a familiar venue to Adam. The group also talks about Mary’s parents, dating, and Armenian culture.
“Franco and Pinochet did great things for their respective countries.”
submitted by jsakic99 to AdamCarolla [link] [comments]
Chris reports the news on Steve Buscemi being randomly punched in the face in New York, a man finding a clever way to hide a boat in his driveway, a woman avoiding jail time after poisoning her husband’s coffee for months, and kids winning a lawsuit after being expelled for blackface when it was really an acne mask.
Lastly, comedian Mary Basmadjian joins the show. She talks about her special being filmed at the El Portal Theatre, a familiar venue to Adam. The group also talks about Mary’s parents, dating, and Armenian culture.
“Franco and Pinochet did great things for their respective countries.”
2024.05.14 06:12 SunRayCity Past Periods of Anti-South Asian Hate in Canada, Link to Rapid Population Growth
Period: 1900-1908
The South Asian population in Canada grew by 5000%, with most of the new settlers being Punjabi Sikhs living in British Columbia, often working in nearby towns in Washington.
Anti-Asian Riots in Vancouver (1907)) - 10,000 white Canadians attack Japanese, Chinese and South Asian Canadian residents, homes and businesses in Vancouver. Most South Asians in the city were former military vets who kept weapons in the house, so they protected themselves from most of the violence that was inflicted on the Chinese and Japanese communities.
Bellingham Riots (1907) - inspired by the riots in Vancouver, 400-500 white men "threw the East Indian workers into the streets, beat them, and pocketed their valuables." 125 Indians fled the town.
Continuous Journey Act is Passed (1908)—In response to anti-Indian sentiment in Canada, the government passed a restrictive immigration act requiring Indians to travel directly to Canada from their country of origin. This was done to try and make immigration from the subcontinent essentially impossible, as ships from India would stop in Japan or Hawaii on their way to Canada due to the distance.
Period: 1967-1981
After Pierre Trudeau's "points system" to immigration, the South Asian population in Canada grew by 3295% - unlike in past decades, most new South Asian immigrants in this period came to Ontario instead of BC.
W. Pitman's 1977 report to the Toronto Transit Commission, Now is Not Too Late, highlights that out of 31 racially motivated attacks on transit, the vast majority have targeted young men of "Indian-subcontinent origin."
In 1976, South Asians living in Toronto reported rampant discrimination in the workplace. In 1977, South Asians protested against racism at Toronto's Queens Park. News articles from the same year show random acts of violence against people of South Asian origin in Ontario, including agitators forcing their way into homes and throwing bricks at South Asians in a city an hour west of Toronto.
Current Period: 2016 - Present
The growth rates have been nowhere near what they were in these other two periods. Based on immigration and census data, this period probably saw the South Asian population grow by between 45% and 55%. What's different this time around are:
Will it get better? There are things we can control like advocacy, unity and standing up for ourselves and others. If there is a link between mass immigration and racism, it's beyond our control. The government is restricting the number of student visas issued starting September, 2024. As it stands, there doesn't seem to be any media reports about how South Asian Canadians are discriminated against due to the rapid growth in immigration, though many of us feel it. I think this is a conversation that needs to be heard by politicians and journalists as the sentiment could affect everything from employment, to social lives to housing. This may just be something we have to endure for the period, as generations in the past have had to as well.
TLDR: We are currently experiencing rapid immigration-driven population growth in the South Asian community in Canada. There seems to be a link between this growth, especially to places where we have not already had a presence, and the racism directed towards the community by those who live in those areas. If people's attitudes and exposure don't change as fast as the community grows, this could be a major cause of the racism many of us experience.
submitted by SunRayCity to CanadianBornDesis [link] [comments]
The South Asian population in Canada grew by 5000%, with most of the new settlers being Punjabi Sikhs living in British Columbia, often working in nearby towns in Washington.
Anti-Asian Riots in Vancouver (1907)) - 10,000 white Canadians attack Japanese, Chinese and South Asian Canadian residents, homes and businesses in Vancouver. Most South Asians in the city were former military vets who kept weapons in the house, so they protected themselves from most of the violence that was inflicted on the Chinese and Japanese communities.
Bellingham Riots (1907) - inspired by the riots in Vancouver, 400-500 white men "threw the East Indian workers into the streets, beat them, and pocketed their valuables." 125 Indians fled the town.
Continuous Journey Act is Passed (1908)—In response to anti-Indian sentiment in Canada, the government passed a restrictive immigration act requiring Indians to travel directly to Canada from their country of origin. This was done to try and make immigration from the subcontinent essentially impossible, as ships from India would stop in Japan or Hawaii on their way to Canada due to the distance.
Period: 1967-1981
After Pierre Trudeau's "points system" to immigration, the South Asian population in Canada grew by 3295% - unlike in past decades, most new South Asian immigrants in this period came to Ontario instead of BC.
W. Pitman's 1977 report to the Toronto Transit Commission, Now is Not Too Late, highlights that out of 31 racially motivated attacks on transit, the vast majority have targeted young men of "Indian-subcontinent origin."
In 1976, South Asians living in Toronto reported rampant discrimination in the workplace. In 1977, South Asians protested against racism at Toronto's Queens Park. News articles from the same year show random acts of violence against people of South Asian origin in Ontario, including agitators forcing their way into homes and throwing bricks at South Asians in a city an hour west of Toronto.
Current Period: 2016 - Present
The growth rates have been nowhere near what they were in these other two periods. Based on immigration and census data, this period probably saw the South Asian population grow by between 45% and 55%. What's different this time around are:
- Numbers: This ~50% growth rate represents an addition of about 1 million people. The highest gains to the South Asian Canadian population in history was seen between 2016 and 2021, and the 2026 Census may reveal even higher population growth in sheer numbers.
- Location: Facing strains on affordability and in the job market in traditional immigration hubs like Toronto and Vancouver, much of the new migrants are moving to outlying areas. As many are coming to Canada first through the community college system, they are accepting offers in areas without an established South Asian community. For example, in the relatively remote city of Timmins, where there were only 170 South Asians out of a population of 41,000 in 2016 - there are now over 6,000 international students, mostly from India. Other cities and towns have seen the desi population double (Kitchener), triple (Oshawa, Charlottetown, Halifax), up to a 900% increase (ex. Woodstock) in less than a decade. If the population grows more rapidly than people's attitudes and exposure to our cultures do, this can cause major backlash.
- Visibility: Where past generations of Desi blue-collar immigrants worked in factories and warehouses in Ontario, and in the lumber mills, construction and canneries in BC - new migrants tend to be in the customer-facing service industry (fast food, retail, delivery). While population figures have increase significantly, many Canadians may only interact with South Asians in these places, which leads them to believe the rate of population growth is much larger than it actually is.
- High Profile Negative Media Reports: From the 2018 Humboldt Bus Crash to the Killing of Harjit Nijjar to Extortion by South Asian Criminal Syndicates. I don't to have to spell out all of the negative press lately, but aside from the Lower Mainland Gang Conflict - South Asians have not had such a negative image in the public eye.
Will it get better? There are things we can control like advocacy, unity and standing up for ourselves and others. If there is a link between mass immigration and racism, it's beyond our control. The government is restricting the number of student visas issued starting September, 2024. As it stands, there doesn't seem to be any media reports about how South Asian Canadians are discriminated against due to the rapid growth in immigration, though many of us feel it. I think this is a conversation that needs to be heard by politicians and journalists as the sentiment could affect everything from employment, to social lives to housing. This may just be something we have to endure for the period, as generations in the past have had to as well.
TLDR: We are currently experiencing rapid immigration-driven population growth in the South Asian community in Canada. There seems to be a link between this growth, especially to places where we have not already had a presence, and the racism directed towards the community by those who live in those areas. If people's attitudes and exposure don't change as fast as the community grows, this could be a major cause of the racism many of us experience.
2024.05.14 06:09 Specialist_Lake3562 US vs UK : Please help me choose.
Greetings friends. I have gotten a full tuition scholarship to do a masters program at the University of edinburgh. This is my dream and I am beyond grateful. However, before receiving this news, I had received a funded offer ( low stipend) from a university in the US. It is not ranked amongst the top 1000 schools on QS. I am attracted to highly ranked schools and really wanted to go to edinburgh. However, my parents would be hesitant to support me because the idea of receiving a stipend in the US seems liberating. I'm thinking of pushing harder and begging them but that would be contingent upon getting a job in the UK while I study. Please what's the situation in the UK regarding jobs for international students? Do you think it might be possible? Thanks so much.
submitted by Specialist_Lake3562 to gradadmissions [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 06:02 Choice_Evidence1983 I found my sister who disappeared from everyone more than 15 years ago after she ran away from home
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/MediumGrouchy5547
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I found my sister who disappeared from everyone more than 15 years ago after she ran away from home
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, depression, self-harm, eating disorder, possible mental health issues
Editor’s Note: TCA stands for trastornos de la conducta alimentaria which translates into “eating disorder”
Rastafarian: a religious movement
Original Post: April 26, 2024
I'm really happy and confused and I really don't know if I can talk about this with friends and family but I need to share my experience with someone because I missed my sister. I don't need or want any advice since no one really knows the situation to be able to give a good advice without assuming things they don't know and it's weird to read people talking about my sister like if they know what she lived, I just want to share this and I know a lot of people have had experiences like this too so maybe someone can relate.
When I was 10 years old my older sister who was 22 at that time disappeared after leaving a note to our parents saying that she's okay and just wants to start over her life.
My sister was always a lonely but outgoing person, she always told me that she enjoyed solitude from time to time and noisy things took away from her quality of life because tbh it was loud LOUD where we lived and it was annoying even for me (we lived in a dangerous neighborhood so it wasn't too safe and she hated not being able to go for a walk at night or do things at night alone), she was depressed and I remember seeing her suffering from severe anxiety attacks, she used to hit herself to stop them and she had a strong TCA that triggered those things. She suffered from other mental issues as well and talked freely about that, she talked about those things in front of me and these are things that leave a mark on you.
She was the favorite of the whole family although mi parents never out pressure on her, they always let us do our life (my brother who was 19 at that time knows that, my sister was the golden child), my grandfather always made it clear that she is his favorite granddaughter, even now. She was the calm but funny kind of person, she was the closest to my parents and uncles so when she disappeared from one day to the next no one understood what was going on.
Even my sister had never traveled alone except to go to work and she always notified my mother that she was okay for safety reasons. She left a long note clarifying that she doesn't want to be searched but she loves us. It was a big blow for the family, I remember my mother wanting to report to the police but they said that my sister was not a minor and the note said that she left by her own so they can't do anything.
In a way, my other brother knew that this would happen at some point, since our sister mentioned a lot that she wanted to leave everything and go live in the countryside or become a nun and live in a calm place without any worries but nobody took her seriously about that. She was always the kind of person who did things without telling anyone, she liked her solitude sometimes even if she was always friendly.
The first months and weeks were strange, it wasn't that she had passed away but that she disappeared because she wanted to, I remember my mother missing her because they always shared the afternoons together.
I also missed her a lot, Even years later my family missed her and at Christmas or her birthday someone would always say "maybe she'll show up now" or we would wonder how she's doing or if she was alive.
Back to the present. I'm on vacation in the south of my country (This part of my country is very expensive for a tourist and I am the only one in my family who was able to come now that I am an adult), it's a place full of villages and while I was exploring I came to a place where they sold typical handicrafts of the place.
While shopping I can swear that the first thing I saw was my sister looking at some crafts on a shelf, she looked more adult but obviously I recognized her instantly, we are really similar after all.
I didn't really knew how to react after so many years and I didn't know how she would react, but I went over and said her name. What I didn't expected was that she would smile instantly when she saw me and called me by my nickname. I thought she had escaped because she didn't wanted anything to do with the family even if in the note she said she loves us, but she was greeting me as if nothing had happened.
She told me that she didn't expected to see me there and asked me if I was on vacation, she said that the village used to be not so touristy but now more people started to go and many villagers opened stores for the tourists. I was upset, I was angry with her for leaving us and pretending that nothing happened but I couldn't react so I just asked her if she lives in that town and she said yes, It's a place filled with old people.
We talked for a few seconds, she asked me what I'm studying and if everyone at home is okay, she told me I'm taller and thinner. Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that if I have a few days off I can go visit her but she doesn't have a cell phone so she told me that she's almost everyday there. My sister also told me to send hugs to our parents.
I'm confused and full of questions about her, she doesn't even wants to hide, she didn't looked or talked to me like someone who wanted to run away from something and hide. She was just happy to see me and happy to know that we were all good.
But I also feel resentment for her when I think about all that our parents and grandparents suffered when she disappeared, making my mother feel that she was a bad mother because she couldn't protect her.
But I'm ambivalent as I'm also happy to know that she's okay and that she doesn't hate me or the family but I'm also confused, Her behavior wasn't that of someone who is hiding or who doesn't want to know anything about her past, she was just happy to hear about us.
Edit: I'm sorry but there are people who clearly don't read the post, there are literally people saying that I didn't even knew my sister and commenting as if they knew her and taking things for granted about her life, there are even people saying that they don't understand why I'm 'angry' (it's just a feeling, a normal feeling, it's not that I hate her and I will treat her badly, god. Nor will I talk to my family without talking to her first, at what point in the post did I say that I'm going to expose her? I'm never going to treat her badly either because I have no reason to do so, It's crazy how half the comments draw silly conclusions) with my sister when i literally say it up there, even if my English is bad because it's not my first language, just read the post before you want to get a few likes for some unnecessary advice.
Additional Information from OOP on his sister’s note
Mil1512: Is your sister neurodivergent?
With the hitting herself when struggling with anxiety and enjoying solitude.
I'm neurodivergent and my family live in another country. I honestly forget to talk to them most of the time and only really do because my mum messages me first. If she didn't we just wouldn't talk. Not due to any hate or anything, I'm just happy doing my own thing.
Can people just stop with the aggressive messages? Weirdos: May 1, 2024
I understand that many reflect their personal traumas in this site, but I literally received passive-aggressive messages calling me idiot or even telling me that I would hate my sister if she were neurodivergent or claiming that my parents abused her.
What's wrong with y'all? Go to a psychologist and stop reflecting your unresolved traumas in the story of a person you don't even know. Go out and touch grass and talk to a real person instead of literally sending private messages like that.
I didn't asked for any advice and just wanted to share my story because that's the point of that subreddit, but many took it the wrong way and decided to turn something positive into a way to fight.
I don't even understand why out of nowhere I started getting those kinds of messages or if someone share that post on a weird place.
Editor’s Note: TLP is trastorno límite de la personalidad which translates into Borderline Personality Disorder
Update: May 7, 2024
On sunday I finally found my sister again, she was selling things in the park with other stands, all of them are rastafari, not hippies or a sect. I walked over and she greeted me just as happily, we talked a couple of things and my sister told me that she doesn't have a cell phone so it was impossible for her to tell me that she wouldn't be there on Saturday.
I spent the afternoon with her at her stand and after that we went to her house, she lives alone (and sometimes with her friends). We talked for a while and at one point she broke down and hugged me, saying she was trying to stay calm all this time and didn't knew how to react because she didn't wanted to make me cry too bc she remembered that I was really sensitive but she couldn't hold it anymore. We cried and talked a lot.
My sister was tired of people, she said that our house was her safe place but hated the idea of having to work everyday and I didn't wanted to study anything, she was our parents' golden child, so they let her do whatever she wanted, but she knew that at some point she had to make something of her life. She was tired of how stupid and empty everyone was, of the politicians, of the TV showing empty things, of the noise everywhere outside when she wanted peace, even sleeping in our home was stressful for everyone because of the noises outside during the weekends when she wanted to be alone to smoke and listen music (tbh, In my memories as a child I didn't remember the obvious smell of joints that my sister had all the time)
That added to the pressure that society put on her to be physically perfect make her want to leave everything behind.
She didn't wanted to die but realized that my parents were miserable when they saw her being miserable, this is something I didn't know, but my sister said that our father had two jobs to be able to pay for her psychologist and medication, also my father used to spoil her a lot with the only food she eat without guilty. Running away was like dying symbolically.
My sister says that although our parents always supported her, she felt like a failture for not being able to improve and always relapsing, she felt bad to see our father working so hard and also wanted to live according to her spiritual mentality, free from all that is toxic in society.
All of those things make her ran away from everything, she felt like a burden and also didn't wanted to live a life working and miserable like everyone.
Sis told me that she never contacted us because she doesn't wants to have a cell phone and a trip to our province is too expensive to her because it's basically going from one end of the country to the other.
She hates capitalist society with all her soul and doesn't even have a TV. My sister said that she is much better now away from the city. My sister told me that she wants to talk to our parents but doesn't knows what to say and we don't want to give them parents a shock since our dad was sick a few days ago and is recovering from dengue.
I'm writing this with her beside me and doesn't understand what's the point of this site (The last social network she used was fotolog in 2007) but said that she doesn't mind if I post this. She wanted to write something but said she doesn't like writing in English haha
My sister was reading the comments and wants me to clarify that she never suffered any kind of a abuse, she has a lot of friends and never had any problem with anyone but likes to be alone from time to time to meditate.
And she's not neurodivergent (She said her behavior was normal because of her TLP), suffers from ED, borderline personality disorder and see a psychologist twice a month.
During her adolescence, the blogs Ana and mia were trendy, her friends had that 'aesthetic' and she was popular in fotolog (according to my sister, at that time it was taken as an aesthetic and even a book about that was really popular between teens, maybe someone from my country knows Abzurdah?). She hated going out when she felt fat, she couldn't have imperfections like cuts on her arms so she hurt herself with a rubber band when she overate, something she read in those blogs. Now she's in a good weight but it took her really long to not relapse again. It's been a long recovery for her and once you're anorexic you never stop being anorexic, she's always afraid of relapsing.
So that's it for now, we don't know how we're going to talk with our parents without making them freak out. And also my sister after seeing the comments on the post saw other reddit posts and said that her life is definitely better without a cell phone, she says that things like fotolog was the beginning of all evil haha
Relevant Comments
OOP on his sister being involved with Rastafari
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I found my sister who disappeared from everyone more than 15 years ago after she ran away from home
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, depression, self-harm, eating disorder, possible mental health issues
Rastafarian: a religious movement
Original Post: April 26, 2024
I'm really happy and confused and I really don't know if I can talk about this with friends and family but I need to share my experience with someone because I missed my sister. I don't need or want any advice since no one really knows the situation to be able to give a good advice without assuming things they don't know and it's weird to read people talking about my sister like if they know what she lived, I just want to share this and I know a lot of people have had experiences like this too so maybe someone can relate.
When I was 10 years old my older sister who was 22 at that time disappeared after leaving a note to our parents saying that she's okay and just wants to start over her life.
My sister was always a lonely but outgoing person, she always told me that she enjoyed solitude from time to time and noisy things took away from her quality of life because tbh it was loud LOUD where we lived and it was annoying even for me (we lived in a dangerous neighborhood so it wasn't too safe and she hated not being able to go for a walk at night or do things at night alone), she was depressed and I remember seeing her suffering from severe anxiety attacks, she used to hit herself to stop them and she had a strong TCA that triggered those things. She suffered from other mental issues as well and talked freely about that, she talked about those things in front of me and these are things that leave a mark on you.
She was the favorite of the whole family although mi parents never out pressure on her, they always let us do our life (my brother who was 19 at that time knows that, my sister was the golden child), my grandfather always made it clear that she is his favorite granddaughter, even now. She was the calm but funny kind of person, she was the closest to my parents and uncles so when she disappeared from one day to the next no one understood what was going on.
Even my sister had never traveled alone except to go to work and she always notified my mother that she was okay for safety reasons. She left a long note clarifying that she doesn't want to be searched but she loves us. It was a big blow for the family, I remember my mother wanting to report to the police but they said that my sister was not a minor and the note said that she left by her own so they can't do anything.
In a way, my other brother knew that this would happen at some point, since our sister mentioned a lot that she wanted to leave everything and go live in the countryside or become a nun and live in a calm place without any worries but nobody took her seriously about that. She was always the kind of person who did things without telling anyone, she liked her solitude sometimes even if she was always friendly.
The first months and weeks were strange, it wasn't that she had passed away but that she disappeared because she wanted to, I remember my mother missing her because they always shared the afternoons together.
I also missed her a lot, Even years later my family missed her and at Christmas or her birthday someone would always say "maybe she'll show up now" or we would wonder how she's doing or if she was alive.
Back to the present. I'm on vacation in the south of my country (This part of my country is very expensive for a tourist and I am the only one in my family who was able to come now that I am an adult), it's a place full of villages and while I was exploring I came to a place where they sold typical handicrafts of the place.
While shopping I can swear that the first thing I saw was my sister looking at some crafts on a shelf, she looked more adult but obviously I recognized her instantly, we are really similar after all.
I didn't really knew how to react after so many years and I didn't know how she would react, but I went over and said her name. What I didn't expected was that she would smile instantly when she saw me and called me by my nickname. I thought she had escaped because she didn't wanted anything to do with the family even if in the note she said she loves us, but she was greeting me as if nothing had happened.
She told me that she didn't expected to see me there and asked me if I was on vacation, she said that the village used to be not so touristy but now more people started to go and many villagers opened stores for the tourists. I was upset, I was angry with her for leaving us and pretending that nothing happened but I couldn't react so I just asked her if she lives in that town and she said yes, It's a place filled with old people.
We talked for a few seconds, she asked me what I'm studying and if everyone at home is okay, she told me I'm taller and thinner. Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that if I have a few days off I can go visit her but she doesn't have a cell phone so she told me that she's almost everyday there. My sister also told me to send hugs to our parents.
I'm confused and full of questions about her, she doesn't even wants to hide, she didn't looked or talked to me like someone who wanted to run away from something and hide. She was just happy to see me and happy to know that we were all good.
But I also feel resentment for her when I think about all that our parents and grandparents suffered when she disappeared, making my mother feel that she was a bad mother because she couldn't protect her.
But I'm ambivalent as I'm also happy to know that she's okay and that she doesn't hate me or the family but I'm also confused, Her behavior wasn't that of someone who is hiding or who doesn't want to know anything about her past, she was just happy to hear about us.
Edit: I'm sorry but there are people who clearly don't read the post, there are literally people saying that I didn't even knew my sister and commenting as if they knew her and taking things for granted about her life, there are even people saying that they don't understand why I'm 'angry' (it's just a feeling, a normal feeling, it's not that I hate her and I will treat her badly, god. Nor will I talk to my family without talking to her first, at what point in the post did I say that I'm going to expose her? I'm never going to treat her badly either because I have no reason to do so, It's crazy how half the comments draw silly conclusions) with my sister when i literally say it up there, even if my English is bad because it's not my first language, just read the post before you want to get a few likes for some unnecessary advice.
Additional Information from OOP on his sister’s note
OOP: My sister in the note said that she loves our parents, my brother was 19 when our sister left and he himself knows how much our parents loved and supported her when she was having a hard time with herself but the outside always affected her badly.Relevant Comments
I was ten years old but I wasn't a baby and I remember what the family dynamic was like, I remember the feeling of my family, my parents are not narcissists and my sister loved them and they love who's my sister, she just had her own problems.
How could a parent miss the idea of their children? There's not a day when my parents don't miss everything about my sister, they miss sharing the day with her, my father even missed when she was cranky. My parents always let us go our own way and I can assure you that they never pressured us to be what they wanted us to be, I don't even know what they want us to be.
Mil1512: Is your sister neurodivergent?
With the hitting herself when struggling with anxiety and enjoying solitude.
I'm neurodivergent and my family live in another country. I honestly forget to talk to them most of the time and only really do because my mum messages me first. If she didn't we just wouldn't talk. Not due to any hate or anything, I'm just happy doing my own thing.
OOP: She's not. My sister had a lot of self-destructive behaviors and hurting herself was one of them when she felt 'fat', she also had eating disorders and panic attacks because of that. I don't remember too much but she did other things to not eat besides hitting herself, she was very open about her TCA and yes, she has a diagnosis from a professional.mikuzgrl: It almost seems like the sister has been in contact with someone for a while and thinks news is being passed back and forth.
My sister was always in touch with my mother and everyone in text, she always used to keep in touch when she was going out until the day she left, now she doesn't even have a phone. In her note she just said that she wanted to leave everything
OOP: I never thought about that but I don't think so, seeing how my parents miss her I think the first thing the family would do would be to at least tell my father that she is okay :/
Can people just stop with the aggressive messages? Weirdos: May 1, 2024
I understand that many reflect their personal traumas in this site, but I literally received passive-aggressive messages calling me idiot or even telling me that I would hate my sister if she were neurodivergent or claiming that my parents abused her.
What's wrong with y'all? Go to a psychologist and stop reflecting your unresolved traumas in the story of a person you don't even know. Go out and touch grass and talk to a real person instead of literally sending private messages like that.
I didn't asked for any advice and just wanted to share my story because that's the point of that subreddit, but many took it the wrong way and decided to turn something positive into a way to fight.
I don't even understand why out of nowhere I started getting those kinds of messages or if someone share that post on a weird place.
Editor’s Note: TLP is trastorno límite de la personalidad which translates into Borderline Personality Disorder
Update: May 7, 2024
On sunday I finally found my sister again, she was selling things in the park with other stands, all of them are rastafari, not hippies or a sect. I walked over and she greeted me just as happily, we talked a couple of things and my sister told me that she doesn't have a cell phone so it was impossible for her to tell me that she wouldn't be there on Saturday.
I spent the afternoon with her at her stand and after that we went to her house, she lives alone (and sometimes with her friends). We talked for a while and at one point she broke down and hugged me, saying she was trying to stay calm all this time and didn't knew how to react because she didn't wanted to make me cry too bc she remembered that I was really sensitive but she couldn't hold it anymore. We cried and talked a lot.
My sister was tired of people, she said that our house was her safe place but hated the idea of having to work everyday and I didn't wanted to study anything, she was our parents' golden child, so they let her do whatever she wanted, but she knew that at some point she had to make something of her life. She was tired of how stupid and empty everyone was, of the politicians, of the TV showing empty things, of the noise everywhere outside when she wanted peace, even sleeping in our home was stressful for everyone because of the noises outside during the weekends when she wanted to be alone to smoke and listen music (tbh, In my memories as a child I didn't remember the obvious smell of joints that my sister had all the time)
That added to the pressure that society put on her to be physically perfect make her want to leave everything behind.
She didn't wanted to die but realized that my parents were miserable when they saw her being miserable, this is something I didn't know, but my sister said that our father had two jobs to be able to pay for her psychologist and medication, also my father used to spoil her a lot with the only food she eat without guilty. Running away was like dying symbolically.
My sister says that although our parents always supported her, she felt like a failture for not being able to improve and always relapsing, she felt bad to see our father working so hard and also wanted to live according to her spiritual mentality, free from all that is toxic in society.
All of those things make her ran away from everything, she felt like a burden and also didn't wanted to live a life working and miserable like everyone.
Sis told me that she never contacted us because she doesn't wants to have a cell phone and a trip to our province is too expensive to her because it's basically going from one end of the country to the other.
She hates capitalist society with all her soul and doesn't even have a TV. My sister said that she is much better now away from the city. My sister told me that she wants to talk to our parents but doesn't knows what to say and we don't want to give them parents a shock since our dad was sick a few days ago and is recovering from dengue.
I'm writing this with her beside me and doesn't understand what's the point of this site (The last social network she used was fotolog in 2007) but said that she doesn't mind if I post this. She wanted to write something but said she doesn't like writing in English haha
My sister was reading the comments and wants me to clarify that she never suffered any kind of a abuse, she has a lot of friends and never had any problem with anyone but likes to be alone from time to time to meditate.
And she's not neurodivergent (She said her behavior was normal because of her TLP), suffers from ED, borderline personality disorder and see a psychologist twice a month.
During her adolescence, the blogs Ana and mia were trendy, her friends had that 'aesthetic' and she was popular in fotolog (according to my sister, at that time it was taken as an aesthetic and even a book about that was really popular between teens, maybe someone from my country knows Abzurdah?). She hated going out when she felt fat, she couldn't have imperfections like cuts on her arms so she hurt herself with a rubber band when she overate, something she read in those blogs. Now she's in a good weight but it took her really long to not relapse again. It's been a long recovery for her and once you're anorexic you never stop being anorexic, she's always afraid of relapsing.
So that's it for now, we don't know how we're going to talk with our parents without making them freak out. And also my sister after seeing the comments on the post saw other reddit posts and said that her life is definitely better without a cell phone, she says that things like fotolog was the beginning of all evil haha
Relevant Comments
OOP on his sister being involved with Rastafari
OOP: Idk how it is in other countries to be honest, my sister doesn't live in community and there are no camps, she's one of the few who has a house because most of them prefer to travel around the country.
I really think it's impossible for them to be 100% Rastafarian here tbh because we are from South America and the Rastafarian community here is obviously totally different from the REAL Rastafarians, they just follow most of the philosophy
Edit: for example, my sister doesn't consider herself Rastafarian but she share some points of the philosophy they have, I don't know how the rest of them thinks
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.14 06:01 Choice_Evidence1983 AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AdhesivenessMurky204
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
Original Post: April 28, 2024
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships
submitted by Choice_Evidence1983 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
Originally posted to AITAH
AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: added paragraph breaks for readability
Trigger Warnings: PTSD, mentions of abortion, domestic abuse, verbal abuse, sexual assault, rape
My husband (28M, who I will call Jack) and I (27F) have been together for 4 years, we have 2 young children and I am pregnant again. I have been pregnant for what feels like most of our relationship. I got pregnant 4 months into our relationship. We got married a month before our daughter’s 1st birthday and ended up with a honeymoon baby. After our son was born, I talked to my OB and she put me on birth control and I have been taking it militantly.
My daughter is now 3 and my son is 2. A little over a month ago I discovered I am pregnant again, despite taking my birth control religiously. Abortion is banned in my state, and the pregnancy was discovered too far along to attempt to obtain one out of state. While Jack and I were nervous, we also love being parents and decided that 3 young kids would be a challenge, but 3 was a good number for us. Then we went in for the first ultrasound and got some unexpected news - it’s twins.
Things have been tough financially, and while we were stressed but excited for a third child, we were not expecting a third and fourth child. Beyond the finances, I am the primary caretaker and I know that twins is going to be a lot, three children under 5 is already a lot, but 4 children under 5 is going to be really really difficult for me. Physically, I am tired of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding the majority of our relationship. It’s exhausting, it feels awful, and I don’t recognize my body anymore.
Four children is enough. I don’t want more. I told Jack that I was done with pregnancy, I’ve been pregnant enough, I’ve been experimenting with different types of birth control for over a decade and I still can’t stop getting pregnant, abortion isn’t a valid option where we live, we need something more permanent. He agreed, and suggested an IUD, I told him no - if it did fail then it could cause an ectopic pregnancy which could kill me, especially where we live. I’ve had both control fail me multiple times already and I’m not taking the chance, so I suggested a vasectomy. He was not open to the idea, and was even upset that I suggested it and told me I should get my tubes tied. I told him a tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery and I could be recovering for weeks during which time I wouldn’t be able to work or take care of our 4 young children, but he could ice his balls for a day or two and be done with it. He told me that not getting pregnant was ultimately my responsibility, and topped it off by saying “that’s what your body your choice means, YOUR body, so YOU choose.” That’s when it went from a discussion to a full blown fight.
See, when I was 19 I had another birth control failure with my boyfriend at the time (who I will call Tom). I wanted an abortion, Tom did not because he was opposed. I told him I was getting the abortion since it was my body and my choice, and Tom said some horrible things to me, including threatening me. I broke up with him and got the abortion. In response, Tom ended up following me one night and attacking me. I don’t want to go into detail but it was horrible, and he ended up going to prison for a number of charges related to the attack. Not only do I have a number of scars and some long lasting physical effects, but I have PTSD as well.
Jack knows about my history and diagnosis, and has known from the beginning. I have a pretty prominent facial scar so I was upfront about it early on in our dating. Jack always presented himself as very pro-choice, so I was shocked that he would say that. I got really emotional and started crying and shouting, and it turned into a full-blown fight.
Eventually I said that birth control is a two-way street and so far I’ve been the only one managing it and he said “and now we have 2 kids and 2 more coming, great job.” I told him he sounded like Tom and he got super pissed, basically said how dare you compare me to him, and maybe he might want kids one day with someone who doesn’t compare him to her felon ex-boyfriend. I was stunned and horrified. I said “well then let’s not waste any fucking time,”then packed up myself and the kids and drove to my parents place.
It’s been about a week since the fight. I’ve spoken with Jack a few times and he has since apologized and said he was out of line and was speaking from a place of anxiety after finding out about the twins, but also that I said things that were out of line and it was wrong of me to insist he undergo a medical procedure. He said that can move on from the things I said and that he wants to see his children and be a family again. I told him no, that I didn’t want to “move on” from the things he said to me. I can’t just get over that and I think we need space apart. Jack was upset by this and while we talked I brought up getting a separation agreement to manage custody and finances while we figure things out. He did not like this suggestion, said we didn’t need to pull the courts into this.
I haven’t told a lot of people about what’s happening but my family and a couple close friends. My sister and best friend both think I should throw the whole man away, but my brother (who is the only other one married with kids) thinks that I’m being extreme for what sums up to a fight between two scared people who both said nasty things. My mom is trying to be supportive but is occasionally reminding me that I “don’t want to be a single mother of 4” and telling me not to let my PTSD drive my decisions, while my dad is being completely unhelpful (he thinks jokes are helpful - like calling me Doorknob because I “can’t stop getting knocked up”, telling me to let the oven cool down, real knee-slappers). I don’t know what to do. My kids are happy to be at grandma and grandpas house but they miss their daddy, I’m 4 months pregnant and already uncomfortable as hell, I wish I could go back to being a happy little family but I’m so hung up on the things he said in that fight. Am I destroying my family over one bad night? Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to get a vasectomy?
Edit: I've noticed a lot of people recommending condoms. I have gotten pregnant with condoms twice. Our second child and my first pregnancy were both conceived using condoms properly (correct fit, put on correctly, single use, not expired, no breaks, etc). I do not trust condoms enough to not fail a third time. I know the failure rate is supposedly small, but it's not personally small enough for me. Edit to the edit: I'm sorry, I didn't expect so many comments so fast and I can't keep up with them. By the first pregnancy I mean the pregnancy with Tom. With Jack I was on the patch when I got pregnant with our daughter, condoms with our son, and the pill with the twins. So far I haven't ever suspected that Jack has tampered with our birth control and always presumed that I'm a fertile Myrtle.
I recognize the comments and just want people to know I'm seeing the suggestion. I'm not dismissing it, but the thought of it is deeply upsetting and has provoked a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to make it clear that if the suggestion is only based on the condoms, that the condom pregnancies were with two different partners. While I know I always used condoms properly with Tom, I do believe that Tom could have been fully capable of sabotaging the condoms.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received mixed reactions of NTAs and YTAs
Relevant Comments
deepsleepsheepmeep: NTA. Your husband is though. Your body has already been through A LOT. A tubal ligation is a serious surgery and you are right about being out of commission for a while when recovering. If he is more concerned with an imaginary future wife than he is for you, I don’t think there is much hope for this marriage.
We have 4 close friends who all got vasectomies. None of them bitched about it like your wimp of a husband. We actually had fun vasectomy themed parties for them.
On the off chance he does end up getting a vasectomy, make sure to do the follow up appointments. One of the vasectomy fab 4 did not follow through and ended up with a post-vasectomy baby.
OOP: Thank you, I feel like this is a lot of what has been so upsetting has been that he's thinking about some imaginary future wife when I'm right here, his actual wife, the mother of his children. It's like he's already imagining a future without me.
Update: AITAH for separating from my husband because he refused to get a vasectomy?: May 3, 2024
I didn’t expect so many comments and literally couldn’t go through them all. It seemed like the majority of people said I was NTA but I did get a lot of YTAs telling me I was trying to force him to get a medical procedure and telling me to get one instead. Besides already addressing my reasonings why I made my request in the original post (which I want you to read with real "per my last email" energy), I in no way am *forcing* him to have a medical procedure, but I am saying that I do not want to be with a partner who is not willing to be snipped. This is an issue of compatibility. The number of children you want, the methods of birth control you’re willing to use, those are issues of compatibility and a reason relationships end all the time. If he doesn’t want to be sterilized that’s fine, but then that means that we’re not compatible anymore, since it means he wants more children and I don’t. Beyond that there were some YTA comments and some DMs that were just nasty, calling me a murderer and saying my body is a cemetery. Sadly enough, I expected those types of comments, because I know there are a lot of Toms out in the world.
First I wanted to address a couple things that kept coming up, because last post turned into thousands of comments that all said about 5 different things, so to avoid my inbox becoming another echo chamber:
You’re 100% going to have a C-section anyway so just get a tubal while giving birth.No, I’m not 100% going to have a C-section anyway. Twins are not an automatic C-section. With my birth history there is no reason to presume that a C-section is in my future. My OB agrees, and has discussed the possibility as doctors have to do but also said that based on my past two birth experiences, I'm a "perfect candidate" for vaginal delivery.
I also am not going to mince words: tubal ligations are *less* effective than vasectomies with a *much higher* likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy can *kill me*. In fact I got a PM from a woman who is a fellow fertile Myrtle who had an ectopic after a tubal. I am rejecting birth control options that, if they fail, would lead to my likely death. I don’t want to be pregnant again but I also don’t want to die and leave my children motherless, and in no way should anyone assume that traveling to another state to obtain an emergency abortion will continue to be an option in the future - we live in scary times, and Gilead is a real possibility. The comments seemed to have the vibe that people think that ligations are magically more effective than vasectomies and vasectomies are more of a whisper of sterility than an actual sterilization method so for those in the back VASECTOMIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN TUBAL LIGATIONS, FULL STOP. So I really need y’all to shut up about it.
Go to another state and obtain an abortion anyway.I appreciate the personal offers to help I received in DMs deeply, but no. I’m in my 2nd trimester, which I know is still legal in some places, however I am at a point in my pregnancy where I personally as an individual do not feel comfortable obtaining an abortion, considering I would be *even farther* along by the time I could travel (which is not only finances, but logistics as well). I am 16 weeks pregnant now, these babies aren’t just clusters of cells to me anymore, and I’m not going to expand on that since it’s not up for debate.
Why not adoption?With love and respect to everyone who has gone through adoption in all its aspects, adoption is absolutely not for me. This is a thought process I already went through 8 years ago, and now that I’m a mother and not a scared teenager I know it’s even less for me. I personally could not go through with it and come out the other side intact. Going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me.
Leave him and give him full custody of the twinsNo. Because going through a full pregnancy, having my babies, and then being separated from them would break me. Jesus, some of y’all.
Just have a sexless marriage.No. I love banging my husband, obviously lol. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage and anyone who has been to an abstinence-only high school knows that abstinence is not the way lol. There were a lot of comments assuming I would be perfectly fine withholding sex from my husband and having na dead bedroom, and I wouldn't. I have a sex drive. I'm going to want to bang my husband. Wanting to have sex with your spouse is *normal*.
What you would do about birth control if you divorced and dated in the future?I’m not thinking of dating anyone else right now, because I’m thinking more about saving my actual marriage instead of an imaginary relationship. And if theoretically I did, I would probably seek out a partner who was snipped or was ready to be to be honestly, or a woman. I’m bisexual so there’s a very good chance that my future partner wouldn’t have the right parts to knock me up anyway lol.
Jack is sabotaging your birth controlI clarified my methods in the original post (as per my last email), but I did want to address this because it came up a LOT. I don’t have reason to believe that Jack sabotaged my birth control. A number of other fertile Myrtles showed up and brought up they or their family members repeated pregnancies in the face of birth control, including tubals. Accusing my husband of reproductive coercion for no reason other than I keep getting pregnant is a big leap and a weighty accusation. I am not the only fertile Myrtle out there, there's a reason there's a whole term for it.
Your husband is a narcissist, abuser, psychopath, and he does no childcareMy husband and I historically have a really healthy and loving relationship outside of this fight. In fact, this fight is the first time we’ve really had a fight, we’ve only ever had little arguments that we’ve been able to talk through. He’s an active father, the reason that I do the majority of childcare is due to circumstance between maternity leaves, our job schedules and the fact that I breastfed my babies. Someone also presumed I’m the breadwinner, which isn’t quite true. Jack makes more than me, but we do not have deeply significant differences in our incomes. When he is home he does his fair share of cleaning and cooking (arguably more than me at times), and parenting. That being said, the things he said in the heat of the moment were deeply concerning, and we’re addressing that together.
So to get down to the nitty gritty of the real update: since the last time I posted, Jack and I have sat down together and had a real come to Jesus talk. I’m not going to go through the whole breakdown, but it basically boiled down to this: it’s the vasectomy, but it’s more than the vasectomy. It was wrong of me to compare him to Tom but it was wronger of him to weaponize my trauma against me in a very malicious way. The way he intentionally used the same language my abuser used in an effort to hurt me was not acceptable and damaged the trust between us. He agreed it was not acceptable and said that in the aftermath he was horrified and ashamed his own words, and that he (as an explanation and not an excuse) kind of snapped under the stress. Oh and what he said about his “next wife” was not an indication of him not being committed to me but was because he felt hurt and wanted to hurt me back. He has apologized numerous times and seems to feel genuinely bad about it.
As for the separation, I am still going forward with it. I need space and time and I need to take that before the babies come. I am still staying with my parents who, for the record, are not sick of me or the kids. We’re a tight knit family, I only moved out when I moved in with Jack, and my sister moved out about a year ago so they have been empty nesting, and my mom doesn’t like that we live “too far” (an hour) away. What I have realized with space and time is how deeply triggering it was, in a way that I cannot explain to those without PTSD from DV, those who know will know. It’s deeply unsettled me and I’m having a hard time “getting over it” so to speak. There is now a lot of fear of my husband that was never there before and it’s going to take a lot to repair that trust and sense of safety. I cannot make a decision while I’m in this space, and I am addressing this with my personal therapist. Overall, I told him that if he wanted to stay married to me I needed two things from him: marriage counseling and a vasectomy, and even then I still cannot guarantee him anything. He understands, but I do not know what will happen with the vasectomy right now, we focused more on talking about the fight, but he is very aware that it's now a dealbreaker. And we have a marriage counseling appointment set up for next week. I'm hoping that counseling will bring some clarity to the situation, and in the mean time for the next couple months I'm focusing on giving my kids lots of cuddles and preparing myself for two new babies to come into my world, with or without Jack.
Additional information from OOP on her relationships
OOP: I've been through a trial to convict my ex-boyfriend of trying to kill me because of an abortion in a deep red, deeply religious area. I've definitely heard worse things, and I typically have pretty thick skin. That being said, I am pregnant and pretty emotional, so it's not the best experience. That being said, I do appreciate the level-headed comments when I see them through the sea of comments kind of saying the same stuff over and over. I'm not reading a lot of them if what I can see in the comment notification starts off nasty, so a lot of it is just inbox white noise. My favorites are the ones that start off with "I'm not going to read that BUT..." and I just think lol same. Like you don't want to read my post but expect me to read your comment that was made without even reading the situation? lol nope. And there are a lot of people conflating "providing someone with a hard choice" with "forcing someone into a medical procedure" and it just makes wading through for the actually helpful comments more tiring. Thank you though, I very much appreciate the kindness. Sorry, I've gotten so much of the same nonsense I guess I needed a little vent lol.OOP on wanting her husband to make a decision and be on the same page
OOP: I want to be honest with him about where I am emotionally because I want him to make an informed decision. While the vasectomy is a deal breaker, it's really my secondary concern. My primary concern is the way he acted during the fight and his intention exploitation of my trauma because he was mad and scared. I think that telling him "get the snip to stay with me" and then deciding to leave anyway because there are deeper issues and/or I don't feel safe anymore would be cruel. He deserves to have the full picture before he makes a choice, doesn't he?
If he doesn't want the vasectomy, that's his choice. It's not what I want, but it is what it is. If he wants to call it quits at 4 kids, then it is what it is and if he secretly wants to be the next Nick Cannon then it is what it is he should be free to do that. That is part of why I don't know where he is on the vasectomy right now and we didn't really discuss it much when we talked, I'm focusing on discussing the bigger issue for me which is trust and safety within the relationship. The only way for him to make an informed decision about whether or not he get a vasectomy is for him to have all the information about the situation. If that makes him want a vasectomy less, then it is what it is. It's not about making him want to have a vasectomy. It's about being on the same page.
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
2024.05.14 06:00 Direct-Caterpillar77 I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
submitted by Direct-Caterpillar77 to BestofRedditorUpdates [link] [comments]
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
2024.05.14 05:58 wadderweed Another imposter syndrome thread new job.
First day on the job hit me like a ton of bricks. I got a gig selling loading dock equipment and safety barriers. Falls in line with my industrial sales and material handling background. We do the labor, installation, maintenance, and offer a preventative maintenance program. My boss seems like a good guy that will largely leave you alone if your activity is good. There just seems like a ton of different stuff to know and you can seriously upset your customers if you botch a job. This is a face to face role, which I prefer over making phone calls all day in my old account manager role. There’s just a lot to manage. Your Expenses, bidding the job correctly and balancing labor, price the job competitively, knowing all of the silos and resources to use, keeping your install and service team happy, keeping the big customers with whining and dining after hours. It’s just a lot to take in. I’ve been highly successful in my past sales roles, but this seems pretty intense. Trying to keep a positive outlook and be patient, just hope my manager isn’t expecting a rockstar off the bat. He is very green and the onboarding process seemed very rushed and disorganized, trying to chalk this up to him being new in his role too. Assuming this is all fairly normal to feel?
submitted by wadderweed to sales [link] [comments]
2024.05.14 05:57 Discover_Peace Requesting Feedback on our Budget
Hi Fat Friends,
Using a burner account for obvious reasons. I am trying to get feedback on our budget to see if we are missing any big categories or oveunderestimating some things. I have tried to compare it to our actual expenses from the last two years and the numbers here are a little higher than our actual spending since this has estimated items like Health Insurance, home maintenance, new car, etc. that are either covered by work or annual portion of estimated spend that would only happen once every few years. We are a couple in 50’s who would like to get out of the rat race in 1-5 years based on how the numbers work for us. A little about us:
Two adults (50M and 49F) and 2 kids living in a VHCOL area – One kid has graduated and starting a job this year, and the other is in college and hopefully will be independent in 4 years. Their college expense is not included in this budget. I would like your feedback on a few items:
1. Feedback/Critique our budget – are we missing any major categories? Are we oveunder estimating any costs? Unfortunately with Mint shutting down, I only have access to the last 2 years of detailed actual spend so feedback from other fat friends will be super helpful. I have broken down the spending for a few categories into Base vs. discretionary spending. The idea is that in case of a market downturn, we would shift to Base spending only. I plan to use “Vanguard Dynamic Spending” as a withdrawal strategy when we FIRE
2. Target net Worth - Based on this spend, and given that the mortgage and property Tax does not need to be inflation-adjusted plus the mortgage rolls off in 22 years, how much do you think we need in investable net worth? I do not think we have enough invested NW right now to FIRE and I would like to get feedback from the community on what would be your comfortable number for someone to retire with this budget to see how far we are. I am intentionally not listing our NW to avoid influencing your candid response to this question.
Thanks in advance for your time and feedback!
Here is our projected budget:
Category - Cost (Base) - Cost (Disc)
Mortgage - $69,960.00
Property Tax - $33,000.00
Home Insurance - $4,156.00
Electric + gas - $3,000.00
Water - $2,400.00
Gardner - $2,400.00
Pool Cleaning- $2,000.00
Home Cleaning - $3,000.00(B) - $1,500.00(D)
Home Maintenance (estimate) - $23,000.00
Internet/Phone - $300.00
Groceries - $10,400.00
Dining Out - $10,400.00(B) - $10,000.00(D)
Car Payment (replace every 7 years) - $8,571.43(B) - $8,500.00(D)
Car Maintenance - $1,200.00
Fuel - $2,000.00(B) - $2,000.00(D)
Car Insurance - $4,000.00
Health Insurance - $24,000.00(B) - $10,000.00(D)
Medications - $600.00
Doctor and medical services - $3,000.00
Life Insurance - $2,000.00
Long Term Care Insurance - $2,000.00
Umbrella - $600.00
Clothing - $1,200.00
Other Shopping - $6,000.00
Personal Care (Salon/Hair Cut etc) - $6,000.00(B) - $3,000.00(D)
Travel/Vacation - $30,000.00(B) - $30,000.00(D)
Misc. - $6,000.00
Gifts - $6,000.00(B) - $6,000.00(D)
Entertainment/Parties - $5,000.00(B) - $10,000.00(D)
Hobbies - $6,000.00(B) - $6,000.00(D)
Person 1 Disc - $6,000.00(B) - $6,000.00(D)
Person 2 Disc - $6,000.00(B) - $6,000.00(D)
Total - $290,187.43(Base) - $99,000.00(Disc)
Total Withdrawl (20% Tax) - $348,224.92(Base) - $118,800.00**(Disc)**
submitted by Discover_Peace to fatFIRE [link] [comments]
Using a burner account for obvious reasons. I am trying to get feedback on our budget to see if we are missing any big categories or oveunderestimating some things. I have tried to compare it to our actual expenses from the last two years and the numbers here are a little higher than our actual spending since this has estimated items like Health Insurance, home maintenance, new car, etc. that are either covered by work or annual portion of estimated spend that would only happen once every few years. We are a couple in 50’s who would like to get out of the rat race in 1-5 years based on how the numbers work for us. A little about us:
Two adults (50M and 49F) and 2 kids living in a VHCOL area – One kid has graduated and starting a job this year, and the other is in college and hopefully will be independent in 4 years. Their college expense is not included in this budget. I would like your feedback on a few items:
1. Feedback/Critique our budget – are we missing any major categories? Are we oveunder estimating any costs? Unfortunately with Mint shutting down, I only have access to the last 2 years of detailed actual spend so feedback from other fat friends will be super helpful. I have broken down the spending for a few categories into Base vs. discretionary spending. The idea is that in case of a market downturn, we would shift to Base spending only. I plan to use “Vanguard Dynamic Spending” as a withdrawal strategy when we FIRE
2. Target net Worth - Based on this spend, and given that the mortgage and property Tax does not need to be inflation-adjusted plus the mortgage rolls off in 22 years, how much do you think we need in investable net worth? I do not think we have enough invested NW right now to FIRE and I would like to get feedback from the community on what would be your comfortable number for someone to retire with this budget to see how far we are. I am intentionally not listing our NW to avoid influencing your candid response to this question.
Thanks in advance for your time and feedback!
Here is our projected budget:
Category - Cost (Base) - Cost (Disc)
Mortgage - $69,960.00
Property Tax - $33,000.00
Home Insurance - $4,156.00
Electric + gas - $3,000.00
Water - $2,400.00
Gardner - $2,400.00
Pool Cleaning- $2,000.00
Home Cleaning - $3,000.00(B) - $1,500.00(D)
Home Maintenance (estimate) - $23,000.00
Internet/Phone - $300.00
Groceries - $10,400.00
Dining Out - $10,400.00(B) - $10,000.00(D)
Car Payment (replace every 7 years) - $8,571.43(B) - $8,500.00(D)
Car Maintenance - $1,200.00
Fuel - $2,000.00(B) - $2,000.00(D)
Car Insurance - $4,000.00
Health Insurance - $24,000.00(B) - $10,000.00(D)
Medications - $600.00
Doctor and medical services - $3,000.00
Life Insurance - $2,000.00
Long Term Care Insurance - $2,000.00
Umbrella - $600.00
Clothing - $1,200.00
Other Shopping - $6,000.00
Personal Care (Salon/Hair Cut etc) - $6,000.00(B) - $3,000.00(D)
Travel/Vacation - $30,000.00(B) - $30,000.00(D)
Misc. - $6,000.00
Gifts - $6,000.00(B) - $6,000.00(D)
Entertainment/Parties - $5,000.00(B) - $10,000.00(D)
Hobbies - $6,000.00(B) - $6,000.00(D)
Person 1 Disc - $6,000.00(B) - $6,000.00(D)
Person 2 Disc - $6,000.00(B) - $6,000.00(D)
Total - $290,187.43(Base) - $99,000.00(Disc)
Total Withdrawl (20% Tax) - $348,224.92(Base) - $118,800.00**(Disc)**
2024.05.14 05:52 Ur_Anemone Coverage of Stormy Daniels testimony reveals the long-term effect of #MeToo
 | The media's coverage of a key witness against Donald Trump has been surprisingly nuanced and thoughtful submitted by Ur_Anemone to afterAWDTSG [link] [comments] Until her long-anticipated testimony at Donald Trump's Manhattan fraud trial Tuesday, the mainstream media had leaned on misleading terms like "affair" and "tryst" to describe the alleged 2006 sexual encounter between Stormy Daniels and the criminal defendant. So I was braced for callous reactions to her time on the witness stand, where the adult film actress described an encounter with Trump far more harrowing than titillating. While making it clear that she was "not threatened either verbally or physically," what Daniels described also doesn't meet any common sense definition of the word "consensual." Trump, she said, bullied her. She didn't want it but didn't say no. "My hands were shaking," she recounted, telling the court that she felt "ashamed that I didn’t stop it." Still, she does not consider it assault. I worried, in that case, that her description would be treated as permission by the press to ignore some of the most alarming and uncomfortable aspects of what Daniels testified happened to her nearly two decades ago in Lake Tahoe. But when I observed the media response, I was glad to see that, despite such anxiety-producing ambiguity, mainstream journalists openly grappled with the darker implications of what Daniels recounted. The headline at the Washington Post report by Perry Stein and Devlin Barrett spelled out that Daniels' testimony "at times sounded like a nonconsensual sexual encounter." On MSNBC, host Nicole Wallace expressed regret for previously reducing Daniels to her job, noting that she's also a mother and a human being. One of the New York Times live reporters noted that earlier versions of her story were less "ominous," but then immediately offered context: "Experts on traumatic sexual experiences say that a person's perception of such encounters can change over time, and that the most traumatic details may emerge only later." David Graham at the Atlantic wrote that Daniels described Trump as a man "dripping with sexual entitlement and presumption." This all feels like a shift from how such matters were written about less than a decade ago. In the past, most journalists took a legalistic, black-and-white approach to the issue of sexual consent. If a description of an encounter didn't meet a criminal definition of sexual assault, it was assumed both parties were willing and eager. Sex was treated as either fully consensual or rape, ignoring the icky truth that there are a lot of nonconsensual-but-not-provably-illegal encounters. So what changed? Part of it is no doubt the unique circumstances of this situation. Because it's on-the-record testimony about a former president, news outlets have legal leeway to speak more freely than they would stories not offered under oath or about a private citizen. But much of the change is likely due to the rise of the #MeToo movement, which exploded in activity during Trump's first year in office. Inspired by the brave women who stepped forward to recall sexual abuse at the hands of Trump and Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein, victims from all over the world and all walks of life started to speak out… |
2024.05.14 05:51 OSHASHA2 ⚠️ Beware your Biases: a lesson on Intergroup Contact Theory and why you’ve never seen a UAP (probably)
If disguised under a preposterous or “absurd” appearance, [a UFO’s] effects would be undetected for a long time. I believe this could be a key to the confrontation with UFOs. ~Jacques ValleeIn 1954 the sociologist Gordon Allport published a book called The Nature of Prejudice. In it, he and some colleagues elucidated a link between increasing Intergroup Contact and reducing Racial Prejudice. At the time this was breakthrough research; repeated contact between members of the “in” and “out” group reduces stigma toward the “out” group.
In 1954 this could be easily illustrated by the attitudes of the public-at-large toward racial minorities over the preceding 100 years – shifting attitudes toward slaves and their descendants, as well as the previous 10 years – attitudes toward Japanese-Americans over the course of WWII.
As it turns out one of the most effective ways at reducing prejudice is “equal status contact between majority and minority groups in the pursuit of common goals.”
For African slaves, their descendants, Japanese-Americans, and countless others across history, this contact has been stained with blood and tears. But contact it was nonetheless, and our stigma toward these “out” groups declined overtime as they became part of the “in” group. They became ‘American’ and their “out” group identities and goals have become, and are becoming, less stigmatized.
Today, I believe we are watching this dissolution of stigma play out en masse on the world stage. The funny thing is that this time, all of humanity is part of a microcosmic “out” group and the aliens in their UFOs are part of the macrocosmic “in” group trying to get us to adopt their goals. What then, is so unsettling about humanity that they take such a slow-going route of stigma dissolution? Why don’t they just introduce themselves as equal status individuals?
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Attitude Rebound and Stigma
A few weeks ago I made the same post in both UFOs and Aliens. The post contained what I thought to be a reasonable, logical hypothesis that could easily explain away all paranormal phenomena… Yes, all paranormal phenomena. The post got about as much attention in each subreddit, however the reactions to its content was drastically different on each subreddit.
I will admit that I was being a little overzealous in my efforts to “raise the consciousness of humanity” and was proselytizing to some folks in the comments. My B 🙇🏻. What I found very very interesting, however, was how commenters on UFOs were much more critical and reductive than commenters on Aliens, who seemed more open to my zany hypothesis and its possibilities.
Now, I am not a physicist. I can barely remember the unit circle. I got a D in calculus at university. That is why/when I decided to get a liberal education rather than a scientific one. Having said that, I am very passionate about science and the scientific method. I am a nurse by trade, and for twelve hours a day, three days a week, according to my profession, I conduct three to five “n of 1” studies and report the results of these studies to a medical doctor. My job is to experiment on human beings and document outcomes.
What I observed when I made those posts was that one community was receptive and the other was hostile. I joined both UFOs and Aliens so that I could keep up to date on the latest disclosure news. I have noticed in my time browsing these subreddits that UFOs tends to request hard, ‘scientific’ data from posters, whereas Aliens seems to have more interest in the subjective experience of posters. Of course there is a lot of overlap given the content of these subreddits.
This is all just to say that the same message may be received differently, and it’s content interpreted differently, even by the same/overlapping populations, due to the stigma some individuals harbor. So I think it prudent that we introspect and hold an awareness of our own stigmas and biases, understanding they may be seated deep in our unconscious mind. We should reconsider the things we find absurd, for in the absurdity there may be a powerful lesson.
—————————∞—————————
Thank you to those who upvoted/downvoted and commented. Thank you for participating in this community. Thank you for being unwitting participants in this accidental study, and I will leave you with this quote from Gordon Allport:
It is here that we encounter the central theme of existentialism: to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying. But no man can tell another what this purpose is. Each must find out for himself, and must accept the responsibility that his answer prescribes.