What is a pediatrician quote

TLDR: Our mom made it difficult for my sister and I to move out and now that we're finally doing it we're thinking about cutting contact.
First a little bit of context. English is a second language for me so I apologise for spelling and syntax errors. I'm also ready to clear up any misunderstandings in the comments.
My sister (38-F) and I never left our mom's place for several reasons: financial instability, housing crisis, and the main one, in hindsight, our mother's reaction when we mentioned moving out.
She has, for lack of a better term, a violent reaction.
For example, when I was 17, I was in my senior year in high school and planning on going to University. I was aiming at the city the closest to where we live, about an hour away by train. My mother asked me where I would live during the summer months, because and I quote "As soon as you move out, I'll apply for a smaller apartment, and there won't be room for you anymore." I did not bring it up again until I realised that moving because we were (and still are) living in low-income housing, wouldn't be as easy as she thought, I mentioned moving out again. I explained to her that I wouldn't be that far away, that I could come home every week-end and stuff. She lost it and threatened to throw herself from the balcony if I brought it up again (we live on the 8th floor).
This hit me hard so I gave up on moving out. A few years passed. Financially, I couldn't move out. The little money I got would go to the household expenses. My sister found a stable job, what is referred to here as a CDI (an unlimited contract) which means that unless she makes a huge mistake (like stealing, not showing up for a long period, or being violent or something) or decides to quit, she has a job. She decided to move out (she has tried before). She did not want to leave me behind. Keep in mind that for years, our mother would complain about having to share an apartment with us. When my sister told our mom that we would be moving out she lost it again and started ranting saying stuff like: "You want me to die, is that it?" "I'm only holding out for you, you know, as soon as you're gone there's no more reason for me to go on."
We ended up accepting the idea that it would be impossible for us to move out as long as she was still alive. But sharing a space with her is getting harder and harder.
Things sort of changed about eighteen months ago. I also got a CDI, like my sister, in the same company, different location. We earn the same income and are now both financially stable. So moving out was again in our minds. What triggered it though was one of my mother's tantrums. After that one, I don't even remember what it was about, we decided to go to a bank and ask if we could take on a mortgage. I'm not sure why we jumped to buying a place instead of just renting one, but we had the same idea at the same moment without even being in the same room.
THe process is well advanced now and we had to tell our mom in April that we were moving out. The is a public service, whose main mission is to help older folks to stay in their home as long as possible. They've been monitoring her for four years now and come regularly to check up on her.
One of their employees came to talk to Mom, and we had to tell them we were moving out. We had to so they could arrange for her to have people help her with the stuff we do.
The plan was to keep helping her. She has grown dependent on us: she can't manage her money, do her laundry, cook for herself, go grocery shopping, or do the cleaning. She has been tested several times by a geriatrician (pediatrician for older people for those who don't know). We were not in the room with her. According to her, he told her that everything was fine, and she was not dependent.
Anyway, the lady from the service has set up a meal delivery for now and as soon as we move out someone will come twice a week for laundry, grocery shopping and cleaning. She asked us if we could still manage our mother's money from a distance. It's fine, I already do everything remotely so it's cool.
Here comes the issue. A few weeks have passed, and our mother is planning on what she will do to our rooms once we move out. We even gave her ideas, like she always complains that her room gets hot in the summers and mine is cooler so I told her she could move into it after I move out. She didn't answer and started complaining about how she would manage her money once we moved out, and how she would do the laundry. For the hundredth time, I explained to her what I explained earlier. We also plan on visiting her every week to make sure she is okay.
She then asked if I would be willing to become her legal Guardian. Her doctor, the one I mentioned earlier suggested that in January. He told her that to make sure my sister and I wouldn't get in trouble with the law for managing her entire life especially managing her money and being the point of contact for utilities and stuff it was better to have a judge name one of us Guardian. My sister did not want to be our mother's guardian. I was okay with it. I've been meaning to change her health insurance for a while because she pays a lot for not enough coverage and there are better options, but she always refuses. As a guardian, I could do it. But she refused, she was sort of mean about it saying stuff like "You'll be able to get rid of me once you're my guardian, it's what you want right? To get rid of me." This hurt me. And now she wants me to be her guardian. I told her "Sure, but I'm still moving out." There was silence and then she started crying.
Once my sister and I were alone we started talking about guardianship, but NOT a familiar one. A third party.
The idea grew in my mind and I started to feel relieved, the most persistent thought was: "If she has a Guardian I won't have to deal with her anymore". My sister and I talked about going no-contact or low-contact (we don't call her, but let her contact us - she is in low contact with our sister and they talk like twice a year) but we're both apprehensive about it. My sister is afraid of judgement, that people from the outside would call her bad daughters or something. My apprehensiveness is more based on all the things I do for her that she seems not to be able to do herself.
Maybe I'm a monster I think cutting contact would be good for her especially knowing the fact that because of my job, and the fact that I don't drive, we're not moving that far away.
So, Reddit, am I wrong for wantong to cut (or at least reduce contact) with our mom after moving out?

Hi all,
I’ve been in a messy situation with our property management company for the last bit. We’ve had reoccurring mold issues with a litany of other things. Long story short, the LL refused to break our lease sans penalty even though they failed to rectify the mold situation in under 10 days, per AZ law. I have a toddler in the home, which is why I’m even considering going to court. As far as I understand, we are legally in the clear to walk away from our lease, as the company has already voided it with their noncompliance.
Do we have a leg to stand on with this? I’ve copied a draft of an email detailing everything out that we will be sending to a lawyer officially and to the local LL office. We literally just want our lease done and our deposit back. They offered us a single night in a hotel and to finish the work in 3 days. However, an ozone treatment alone takes 7 and they have to remove several walls, a shower, and the toilet to start to rectify this.
We have all our work orders, medical documents and bills, and photos of the home assembled and ready to go.
All this to say, besides addressing our lawyer with this and praying, what next? We’re staying with family ATM and we are no longer in the home to limit the exposure. I figured I would ask here because I’m going out of my mind and I needed some loose answers.
—-EMAIL DRAFT——
(PROPERTY MANAGERS),
We tried to reach _____ on 5/10/2024 via phone and were not able to get through.
After learning that breaking our lease on the grounds of mold hazards was denied, we want to reach out again to detail the severity of the safety and environmental issues in the home we rent from (property company).
Over the last year, beginning one month after move-in, our daughter has had asphyxiating episodes severe enough that her lips turn blue. After the first incident, we immediately took her to the ER, where an EKG and several tests on her lungs were conducted. As all tests came back clear, we were advised the issue may be environmental. Since that consultation, our daughter experiences persistent hives all over her body, some the size of a hand. Treatments for various skin diseases have been unsuccessful. She had a full allergy panel run this week, which came back negative. She has been placed on antibiotics, steroids, and homeopathic remedies, all of which failed to stop the hives and the chronic congestion and ear infections. After several rounds of failed tests and treatments, pediatricians and nurses have supported the initial assessment of environmental causes.
The hives and blue lips only stop when we are outside of the home. I left home last month with my daughter. All issues resolved immediately and for the entire two weeks we were out of the home. Upon our return, the issues, including hives and breathing episodes, immediately returned. Our pediatrician will be examining her again next week to confirm environmental causes. We all have persistent congestion, headaches, and fatigue.
We conducted an air quality test on 05/09/2024, which confirmed the presence of mold in the home, further corroborating that the home is causing our daughter’s illness.
We have worked to bring attention to the mold issue from the time of the move-in consult, which at the time was only visible in the shower area. A formal work order was processed for the base of the shower on 03/22/2023 for “discoloration,” and it was not completed until 05/09/2023. That is 48 days between the request and completion of the work order. The moldy caulk replacement request was submitted 04/17/2023 and completed 05/17/2023, coming to 30 days for remediation. The request to repair drywall, which was soft-to-touch, was submitted 04/17/2023, and was not completed until 06/21/2023, which is 65 days between request and completion. We deep clean the bathrooms weekly, dry the showers thoroughly after every use, and open windows and run fans to provide proper ventilation. The repair provided by (property company) was insufficient to prevent mold recurrence.
On May 10, 2024, the mold remediation technician confirmed extensive water damage and mold growth in both bathrooms upstairs. He confirmed that several walls, the shower, and the toilet would all have to be removed and replaced. This consultation came 6 days after it was scheduled, which was an additional 10 days after we submitted the work order, coming to 16 days from notification to consultation, and nearly double the legal requirement of 10 days from notification to remediation.
Unfortunately, mold remediation is not the only repair in our home that we have waited unreasonably long for. Persistent issues include:
-Oven: When the gas technician arrived at the home to turn on utilities, the technician refused to connect the gas line, as the stovetop ignition took an extended amount of time to light. He provided a paper warning notifying us of the hazard. When (property company) was notified, it took 7 work orders from 2/8/2023 to 3/24/2023 (44 days) to receive a replacement oven.
-Dryer Vent: Upon move-in, the dryer vent was clogged and we were cautioned not to plug in our dryer, as this was a fire hazard. (property company) was notified on 2/7/2023 of the issue. Work orders were repeatedly canceled for this issue. 4 work orders were placed before a technician was sent on 3/24/2023 (45 days). This was improperly completed, and the issue persisted. We paid for a Samsung technician to come to our home to verify the dryer was functional, and he confirmed again the dryer vent was the issue. 08/15/2023 (189 days) another work order was submitted, and these orders were canceled, nearly daily. (A property company technician) would show up to our house, only to let us know the work order was not approved repeatedly. After speaking to the head of maintenance and several property managers, the work order was pushed through on 09/07/2023 (212 days). The dryer vent remains a persistent issue to the point that we clear it weekly.
-Windows: 6 windows in the home do not remain open. It became a safety issue when our 21-month-old daughter began to pull at them and they started slamming shut. I notified (property company) on 2/27/2024. The work orders are open as of 5/10/2024 (93 days), with only three windows repaired. Nearly all the windows in the home had missing or damaged screens upon move in, which we documented.
We cannot trust that (property company) will complete the mold remediation within 3 days, as quoted to us 5/10/2024, due to the history detailed above. One night in a hotel will neither safely accommodate us until the remediation of the hazardous mold issue, nor repair the damage done over the last 15 months to the health of us and our daughter.
Similarly, we cannot trust that the damage will not continue upon our return to the property, given the track record for repairs stated above.
We as tenants have performed our due diligence both to request reasonable repairs through (property company) and to exhaust every avenue of medical intervention for our daughter. Every step of the way we have acted in good faith and have not only maintained the property, but increased its condition. Since we have video of our initial walk through, two days before move-in, we’d be happy to invite you in to show the positive difference we have made on the property. Furthermore, you’ll be welcome to see the extent of the hazardous mold situation first hand.
We are reasonably requesting a termination of our lease agreement, sans penalty, and the return of our security deposit for now. We are within our legal right to request this, as we are well outside of the state-mandated, ten-day timeline for total remediation. (See Arizona Landlord and Tenancy Act, A.R.S. 33-1324 and A.R.S 33-1361, which specify the mold must be remediated by the landlord within ten days of formal notice by the tenant, or the tenant reserves the right to terminate the lease without penalty).
As the quoted mold remediation costs over $2,000, we are unable to fix it on our own within the bounds of the law. Arizona law dictates repairs must be 1/2 a month’s rent or less than $300 for a tenant to pay for and invoice the property owner. Otherwise, we would have conducted repairs properly a year ago.
We would prefer to resolve this matter peacefully and conclude this chapter of our lives. If you would like to further discuss this matter, please reach out to (myself and husband). We are requesting all communication be through email at this point.
If we are unable to reach an agreement on our lease, our lawyer is prepared to reach out and handle the case moving forward.

Hello everyone. I am seeking out advice or just a discussion to see how typical this is. My daughter is 33 months old and attends preschool 3 days a week. She has been at this center for one school year. Today I was told they are requesting for her to be assessed. They have flagged behaviors such as “Repetitive play - focusing on specific items and hard to redirected. Echolalia speech - repeating what the teacher and other children say. Sensory needs - likes to cover herself in blankets and pillows.” When they gave this to me I was completely in shock because not once has any of these things been brought to my attention, every day when I pick her up they said “She had a great day, she did x,y,z.” Not once have they brought up any items of concern to myself or my husband in the past year and this came completely out of left field. Another reason I am shocked is because I have tracked CDC milestones with my daughter since birth. Her pediatrician has us do ASQs at every wellness check and she’s never been flagged. None of these items of concern present themselves in our home. She doesn’t hyper focus on anything specific in our house and we don’t notice she likes to play with anything more than anything else. She does not echo us or our family members and participates in back and forth conversations regularly. She uses 5-6 word sentences. For example this morning she was pretending she was at the zoo and said “Look! It’s a turtle on the ground!” She hasn’t once covered herself with blankets or pillows. She sits on our couch with throw pillows all the time and uses them in the appropriate manner. I am at a loss at how it’s possible for all these mannerisms to show up only at school and why she is having trouble communicating in the school atmosphere.
Has anyone had a child that only struggles in the school setting and how typical is it for a referral to come before any conversations with the parents?
UPDATE: The director of the school finally called me back and said they are very sorry for the lack of transparency and that it should have been mentioned at the conference. Quote “I am making a lot of these calls this week and I hope all the parents are not blindsided by this.” After the director spoke with her teacher they said “The teacher is not overly concerned but it has to be documented if she thinks any child can benefit from any type of speech, ot, etc. She’s not a disruption to the class or her peers and she does not have any meltdowns. She has language skills but is hard to understand and at times gets frustrated if we can’t understand her wants or needs. She does echo speech but not very regularly. The teacher thinks she is mildly sensory seeking so the assessment would let us know if there is any sensory needs we can give her. We do this for a good amount of our students so any potential needs are met before kindergarten.” THIS is what should have been explained from the very beginning.

Hi! I am 29(F) and my husband 30(M), we have two daughters, the first is 1yr 7mo we'll call her A, my second is 4months we will call her B. Their Grandma we will call Gran has been watching my daughters since O was 3months and M since she was born. Unfortunately I had to continue feeding A upon doctors recommendation due to her teeth not being in yet, semi solids and formula. At 1 yr old a bunch of her teeth shot through and I had her on solids, veggies, meat, fruits, cheese and drinking from sippy cups!! She was learning how to use spoons and such but would fling everything on the ground. But she would eat for me when I would feed her from her utensils. When A was 6 months old, I actually got fired from my job and had to be a stay at home mom for a while. She was crawling, attempting to stand and all the other great things a child should do since I had a lot of time with her. When A turned 1yr I was able to get a job again and Gran was watching her again. We announced we were pregnant again and Gran was more than happy to watch A more often. However.. Gran started feeding A from bottles again, Gran went and bought A's old DR. brown bottles, nipples and all and started giving them to her again claiming "Its better for her, I had all my kids drinking formula until they were almost 3 or 4!" I asked her "What did you do with the sippy cups I gave you?" Gran responded "Oh, she just kept throwing them so I decided to toss them and get her bottles since you didn't bring any. She just doesn't seem to like them" Since B's birth in December, Gran watches them on the weekends. But when she does she will continually give A a bottle every two hours along side of B to quote "Keep A happy, when she sees me feeding B, She wants one too! I am not the type of person to deny a baby what they want!" A now refuses to eat Solids, use utensils, will throw any and all solid foods on the ground, She is completely broken off of her sleep schedule, refuses to nap, scratches her face constantly, She is very hesitant to be touched by anyone other than Gran for no reason, she cries bloody murder when I have to pick her up and bring her home. She screams an unholy pitch when I lay her down for normal nap time, she doesn't like being forced to attempt to walk and is now belly crawling again without using her legs often. She screams during bath time when that was her favorite part of the day. The Pediatrician recommends for me to quit my job again and focus solely on her and stop using Gran as a babysitter. But we can barely afford where we live plus food.
Whenever I approach Gran about these issues and that I am worried about what she is doing to my daughter to unlearn everything she already knows, she threatens to call the cops on me and claims I am a horrible mother that cannot handle having kids, quote-
"I haven't done anything to her! She's always been like this with me and has never shown me anything you claim to have taught her, she refuses utensils has never eaten solids for me, she crawls on her arms all the time and she LOVES baths with me. She would be better off in another family if you can't handle her. If you are going to continue bringing this up, We may as well call the cops if you're going to threaten me in my own home and tell lies about my good name!" I am at my wits end, Any advice? Edit: O is not my husbands Biological child, He adopted her. Her real father was arrested for attacking me and O after a drunken claim that she wasn't his and he has since cut all contact with us, I have been banned by 3 pediatricians due to his meddling and moved to a different state. Gran however believes O IS her biological grandchild when we know she isn't and have corrected her. Gran now refuses to speak to me directly, answer messages, phone calls, etc., she will only talk to my Husband in regards to watching the children, or updates/issues. My current Pediatrician has banned her from their office due to attempting to get both daughters medical records, called in claiming to be me attempting to cancel wellness visits and even tried telling the nurses they're never to give my daughters shots because of religious purposes (My little family is not religious and O has now missed several appointments due to Gran meddling with the appointments.) we are about to be booted from this pediatrician as well since they too are fed up with her nonsense.

Both me and my new fiancé 33M 25F have been together for 5 years in may and have a 2 1/2-year-old boy. We knew early on the things were kind of tough, because the pediatrician suggested that he was probably a colicky baby. He was born during covid precautions. So we didn’t go out as much as other people without kids, and didn’t socialize in general as much as in our past. So when he ended up being shy, we just counted it for the lack of socialization, and tried to make a better point of it of the last year and a half. he’s currently in speech therapy and has appointments set up at the first available date for neurological evaluations and we’ve done hearing tests and everything else that the doctors have suggested he hasn’t been diagnosed with anything except for just being delayed as of now. We have some major appointments coming up this month and next month should determine a lot more. So my 2 1/2 year-old only says about five words and screams most the time but it’s pretty understanding of his environment and what’s going on for the most part other than obviously getting up and going somewhere he’s not quite understanding. Hey, we’re going to the park until we’re at the park and he can see the park But he routines like I’m taking them off his shirt by the door of the bathroom we’re about to get a bath. It’s honestly extremely tough and an apartment complex with people who have just graduated college as neighbors who constantly have him screaming at 8:30 in the morning because he loves ice age and knows like every single part of the movie but can’t speak the word so he just screams to the beat kind of. We have never had a babysitter not for one hour. Both my parents died right before he was born and my spouses family has a variety of problems and addictions and is not a resource to us. We’ve worked opposite shifts for two years straight with one car so my fiancé is stuck at the house all day with the kid from 330 until the next day and I have him from 6:30 in the morning until 330. He completely well-behaved around me in public most of the time and I can go to the store with him and put him in the shopping cart and have a relatively successful shopping trip while my fiancé can’t even get him into the cart and he screams and yells twice as much when she’s home as when I’m home. I also have no power once she’s home so once she is here with me parenting together, my words don’t mean anything because he’ll just run to her or try to push me away because he knows I’m a little stricter than she is. but we really push all the values and lessons that we get from the pediatrician the speech therapist And my own therapist into action as much as possible. I don’t know I just wish we had a support system of any kind that was family related. I wish my damn parents would’ve stayed a couple more years. Right now he’s stomping and screaming at the television even though he knows that I have to turn it off because I keep getting complaints from my landlord about the stomping even though I’m on the first floor. Because no matter what I do if he wants to stomp five seconds after me pausing the show, he’s gonna do it again and there’s nothing I can do about it at all. No matter how many times even when I turn it off, he’ll find something else to regain my attention. I just feel frustrated when I hear. Oh, that’s a toddler or that’s the terrible twos. Yes, he is a toddler and yes, a lot of the time he exhibits behavior very similarly to a normal situation, but his highs and lows are much more extreme , and when I express this to my speech therapist for him, she said, and I quote “Oh I know honey, I am so so sorry, you guys are super parents. You guys are doing so good just don’t give up. I’ll see you on Thursday” Meanwhile, after she leaves, I spent 45 minutes in the bathroom during my in-between time between her shift and my shift just to allow myself a break because it’s frustrating that he will act a certain way when I’m home and then when she comes home it’s a complete shit show and not only will he not listen to me no more, but I can’t even get away from it. Which causes minor resentments between us as parents when I can’t effectively parent around her because I’m not effective. I can’t have friends over and haven’t been over two years because he cries the minute they walk in until they leave. I’ve never sat down with my fiancé to have dinner ever not even once other than McDonald’s type restaurant. I’ve been sleeping on the couch from 2 AM until 6:30 AM for eight months now because at 2 AM he wakes up and crawl into the bed on top of the pillows and the only way to make make sure he stays asleep the rest of the night is to allow him to have that space because if not, he’ll just start the crying thing for 45 minutes in the middle of the night because he’s upset about it. So I sleep on the sofa couch that doesn’t fold down anymore that my grandmother bought me in 2005.
Anyways, sorry for bitching and I hope nobody looks at me as just a whiner. I love him with all my heart, and I’ve been with him every day of his life since birth. I don’t have social media of any kind and I haven’t even gotten a birthday wish or a merry Christmas since my parents past,other than my fiancé so I don’t really have anybody to vent to. so this is really my first time. I know what I signed up for having this child and I’m gonna continue to do the best I can, I just gotta remind myself that every morning that it does get better.
Sorry for the grammatical errors “the ice age screaming is relentless this morning” Take care💪

There's a discussion going on about wipes, and it's FULL of misinformation.
The claim is that it's "against AAP guidelines" to use wipes for pee diaper changes.
This is false.
Here is where this is coming from. It's NOT an official AAP guideline publication. It's a column about how to save money on wipes. The sentence being used as evidence says "Reserving wipes for cleaning up poop can save you a considerable amount." That's it. That's all. You can save money by saving wipes for poop diapers.
It gives NO medical reason for not doing so. It doesn't address any illness or injury that can come from using wipes. ALL IT SAYS IS THAT WIPES ARE NECESSARY AT EVERY CHANGE BECAUSE OF HOW NEW DIAPERS PERFORM. It NEVER says anything about it being dangerous or a risk to a child. They never even say that you should refrain from using them. They simply say it isn't strictly necessary and you can save money by skipping it if you want to.
Please understand that that ISN'T THE SAME AS OFFICIAL AAP GUIDANCE.
The AAP gives official guidance for things like Back to Sleep and vaccination schedules and car seat safety. It does NOT write policy on every little parenting decision, because it is neither needed or appropriate.
If you read the context of that single sentence people are using to defend this, it's one line in a column written about how to save money on baby wipes. It is NOT an article about why it's bad to use wipes on your child's skin. Yes, it's on their website, but so are thousands of articles and columns about basic education and general advice. But you CANNOT interpret every little comment as a policy set forth by the AAP that must be followed. The same article says that you can save money by buying larger packages and refilling a portable container rather than using travel packs of wipes. That's just general advice- it doesn't mean that using travel packs is "against the AAP."
We are not pediatricians. We should not be quoting the AAP at parents, because we can make mistakes and this is outside of our scope of care.
When the AAP releases guidance that we should all be following, it's a big deal. It isn't a column written by a pediatrician. It's written by a panel, it includes data and studies, and it's released with press releases and educational campaigns. Again- think safe sleep practices. We all know that you can't leave an infant sleeping in an inclined seat because that IS official AAP guidelines and we couldn't miss it even if we tried.
I promise you that the "AAP Guidelines" don't insist on no wipes for pee diapers. This entire dialogue that people can't believe there are ECE workers that don't know this very important piece of knowledge is absurd.
You can find endless columns and articles on the AAP website, and they are not all hard and fast "rules" that we should all be memorizing. This article on gas gives lots of info, and offers suggestions, but that doesn't mean any of it is "This is the one and only true way to handle things, thus sayeth the lord."
Please, we have to learn how to understand context. We have to understand the difference between actual AAP guidance we all must be following, and budgeting advice on how to save money on wipes. You cannot turn every educational column into hard and fast health policy, because that's not how it's meant to be interpreted.
When we add meaning where it doesn't exist, we put children at risk. When we incorrectly tell parents that this is something the AAP says we MUST follow, we put children at risk. At absolutely NO POINT has the AAP said we SHOULDN'T be using wipes with pee diapers, just that WE DON'T HAVE TO. That's a HUGE difference, and misinterpreting what is said perpetuates misinformation.
We should not be giving medical advice. We are not pediatricians. We can provide general information we have, but it should always be followed up with a recommendation to talk to their child's pediatrician for official guidance. When we overstep this boundary, we end up telling parents that something is a strict policy when it reality, it's just a piece of advice from a thrifty advice column, and that makes us look ridiculous.

Okay so, of course, this is all in my opinion - but I have reason to suspect that my MIL who is enmeshed with my husband and married to a narcissist who is an addict - I figured out that she uses guilt as a form of connection and when you don't give her the pity and blurred boundaries she wants she goes full passive-aggressive (but is this passive-aggressive sadist) journals mention that when women live with narcissists and are the perfect victims they become perpetrators of the abuse - in this case, of course, I am the perfect scapegoat who she lies to, manipulates and gaslight and has a deep resentment because I stole her surrogate spouse whom she had emotional incest.
Her dog has been struggling with some autoimmune disease where her platelets decreased tremendously overnight - this was incredibly strange because the dog doesn't leave the house and is never with anyone else but her - they also don't leave anything on the floor that could be ingested when asking her about how this could happen she instantly deflected "four" times - and finally saying "the doctors don't know how it happened". I know this happened on the same day that I texted both of them in regards to how she is giving gifts to my child and telling him not to tell me so I asked her to please respect these boundaries. Since she changed the narrative I included him in the thread - so this could have been a diversion to a heated argument they were potentially going to have between them.
She later was humming We Are the champions and then quoted some book about a widow that opens a library and said its all about self-preservation... no idea what that means.
Now about three weeks ago, my husband stayed with my son during a trip I took for the weekend, they stayed in their normal routine and she visited Friday. A few days later he had a massive rash of poison ivy - we don't go in the woods, they didn't go in the woods and nothing was out of the ordinary except the fact she was with him for some time and she's been upset since I reduced the time we spend together. Looking at his rash - this is the EXACT same rash I had during my stay at her house about a year ago. I have. this documented with his pediatrician in the event she continues to do this we have the paper trails of course we do not know this 100% as we did not see it.
Since I moved here I have had some sort of autoimmune disorder going on as well - though I feel like that is so psychotic if she was slowly actually poisoning my system versus just topically both are terrifying so I can't imagine someone doing that but there are too many clues not to ignore.
I do want to give her the benefit of the doubt because it saves my sanity but then again, in my opinion, some of the things she says are strange - is it normal she has little to no friends, she has lived in an isolated community and with her husband who she deeply has issues with for 37 years - do humans need emotional needs and why would she think we are the ones to fulfill them that will not fix the void of her relationship- I have limited contact with her but also wish I could just let her know what is going on and help her get out of this toxic cycle in her life and that I hate when she makes strange remarks about the poisoner's handbook, her hairdressers and plants, etc.
I think of so many women like Ghelaine Maxwell or even maybe a Hilton and I see these women who come from dysfunctional families and marry these narcissistic men (ABCs) addicts, beaters and cheaters who will not hold accountability and use DARVO and these women become groomers and abusers. How can we educate more women against this and have it stop - of course now women have rights, and emotional abuse is punishable so that's a step forward and I guess men as this could also be a reverse scenario.
Anywho any tips on how to document these suspicions or any ideas on what she could be using? I no longer drink anything in her house - but also what do you guys suggest for the holidays I don't want my husband to participate because he has his own dynamics and trauma with her.

What kinds of mental health disorders does one have if they are poisoning animals and other humans?
I have reason to suspect that my MIL who is enmeshed with my husband and married to a narcissist who is an addict - I figured out that she uses guilt as a form of connection and when you don't give her the pity and blurred boundaries she wants she goes full passive aggressive (but is this passive aggressive actually sadist) journals mention that when women live with narcissists and are the perfect victims they themselves become perpetrators of the abuse - in this case of course I am the perfect scapegoat who she lies to, manipulates and gaslight and has a deep resentment because I stole her surrogate spouse whom she had emotional incest.
Her dog has been struggling with some autoimmune disease where her plathlets decreased tremendously over night - this was incredibly strange because the dog doesn't leave the house and is never with anyone else but her - they also don't leave anything on the floor that could be ingested, when asking her about how this could happen she instantly deflected "four" times - and finally saying "the doctors don't know how it happened". I know this happened on the same day that I texted both of them in regards to how she is giving gifts to my child and telling him not to tell me so I asked her to please respect these boundaries and since she changes the narrative I included him in the thread - so this could have been a diversion to a heated argument they was potentially going to happen between them.
She later was humming we are the champions and then quoted some book about a widow that opens a library and said its all about self preservation... no idea what that means.
Now about three weeks ago, my husband stayed with my son during a trip I took for the weekend, they stayed in their normal routine and she visited Friday. A few days later he had a massive rash of poison ivy - we don't go in the woods, they didn't go in the woods and nothing was out of the ordinary except the fact she was with him for some time and she's been upset since I reduced the time we spend together. Looking at his rash - this is the EXACT same rash I had during my stay at her house about a year ago. I have.this documented with his pediatrician in the event she continues to do this we have the paper trails of course we do not know this 100% as we did not see it.
Since I move here I have had some sort of autoimmune disorder going on as well - though I feel like that is so psychotic if she was slowly actually poisoning my system versus just topically though both are terrifying so I can't imagine someone doing that but there's too many clues not to ignore.
I do want to give her the benefit of the doubt because it saves my sanity but then again I don't know if it's normal she has little to no friends, she has lived in a isolated community and with her husband who she deeply has issues with for 37 years - do humans need emotional needs and why would she think we are the ones to fulfill them that will not fix the void of her relationship- I have limited contact with her but also wish I could just let her know what is going on and help her get out of this toxic cycle in her life.
I think of so many women like Ghelaine Maxwell or even maybe a Hilton and I see these women who come from dysfunctional families and marry these narcissistic men (ABCs) addicts, beaters and cheaters who will not hold accountability and use DARVO and these women become groomers and abusers. How can we educate more women against this and have it stop - of course now women have rights, and emotional abuse is punishable so that's a step forward and I guess men as this could also be a reverse scenario.
Anywho any tips on how to document these suspicions or any ideas on what she could be using. I no longer drink anything in her house - but also what do you guys suggest for the holidays I don't want my husband to participate because he has his own dynamics and trauma with her. Also if I die please investigate her medicine cabinet and her hair dresser shes made weird remarks about the prisoners handbook and her hairdresser.

Thanks, Roz, for sending us the report about your region's (EDIT) Gosho study lecture. You said it was wonderful reviewing the material that we have studied here this month. I wish I could see your zone's animated explanation of the three laws of the room, seat, and robe. It sounded like it was so much fun. Any other reports, Ladies?
We are almost at the conclusion of Ikeda Sensei's guidance on The Orally Transmitted Teachings in the March Living Buddhism. Tomorrow we finish the next-to-last section, "Spiritual Inspiration Forges Capable Individuals." And I think we can also do the final paragraph!
Sensei was telling us about a 1983 trip he took with some youth on May 3rd to western Tokyo. He continues:

The teachers of the Law depicted in the Lotus Sutra are in fact bodhisattvas aflame with the great vow for kosen-rufu. They actively go out among the people and engage in dialogue to create a more peaceful world for all and pave new ways forward. One such person can become a spiritual support for many others in their community. The radiance from each of their lives can make society a brighter place and inspire others.

Yesterday was just one of those days. The pediatrician's office called that one of the doctors had to cancel all of her appointments for Friday and Saturday, could we reschedule the Twinmen well-visits for...right away? Dee and I did a quick gongyo, exactly 1 minute of daimoku, got the Twinmen ready and off we went. We don't know whether they had reactions to the vaccinations or maybe they are starting to teethe. But they became irritable and fussy for hours and hours afterwards and only wanted to be soothed. And that was our day!
Were we "bodhisattvas aflame with the great vow for kosen-rufu"? I say YES! Where in the Lotus Sutra is there an exclusion clause for nursing mothers who are just trying to get past a difficult day? It's the flow of the current that matters, not the insignificant ups and downs of the surface waters.
We've become friends with the doctors, nurses, and staff at the pediatrician office. We "actively go out among the people and engage in dialogue" as we chat about this and that with them. "How are June and Truth?" "How's your son? Did he hear back from any colleges yet? What? He's going to Northeastern! Amazing!" "We have some friends who had a great time partying at your RV Park this winter!" "I had no idea your daughter was in Guy's Social Studies class!" "It used to be 'What happened in school today? Nothing.' But now it's blah, blah, blah about what they are learning in Social Studies."
Dee and I made it through to the end of the day. Maybe many years from now, when we look back at this day, we will edit out the crankiness of two baby boys and just remember the pitter patter of plain talk at the doctor's office. "The radiance from each of their lives can make society a brighter place and inspire others."
Sensei says that the Bodhisattvas of the Earth "pave new ways forward." Ladies, how are you trying to do this? "One such person can become a spiritual support for many others in their community." Let's personalize this one as well. I am really looking forward to our GroupMe chat today!
Just a little friendly disclaimer here. I am taking the liberty to quote but slightly paraphrase for simplicity's sake. I am going to eliminate footnotes and brackets. Etc, etc, etc. Sue me, if you wish. For the original, please just click on the link above.

Hello and welcome to SarahBowmar! This subreddit is dedicated to discussing all things Bowmar related.
If you have stumbled across this sub, and are currently a Bowmar fan, here are a few reasons that you may want to re-evaluate that stance. And if you found your way here by Sarah being rude towards you… welcome! :) Grab a glass of wine, and let’s get into all of the Bowmar controversies.
Sarah’s poor business practices

• Sarah appears unprofessional regarding her businesses often - in this post, you can see how she responds to her competitors while live.
• Sarah spoke badly about the Girl Scouts for not working with her on a protein powder, which you can find here. She stated that they didn’t want to get into the protein business, which is clearly untrue, as seen here. Shout out to the Girl Scouts for not associating with Sarah.
• There is evidence of Sarah being shady regarding her own company, Bowmar Nutrition.
  • Their greens have no micronutrient information and she has ignored the question numerous times when asked.
  • Their whey protein formula changed based on long-term customer perceptions of taste, smell, texture, mixing and cooking ability. When questioned, she stated that it was the cows.

Sarah’s BLM controversy

• During the 2020 BLM protests, Sarah refused to acknowledge it. Once she was called out on it, she tweeted “In case you need me to influence you to not be racist, Black Lives Matter.” She received a ton of backlash and ended up deleting her Twitter account. You can view the tweet here.
• Here are more screenshots of the backlash.
• During all of this controversy, Sarah’s only black athlete (Libby Christiansen) spoke up regarding her horrible mistreatment by Sarah. Libby made an IG story after the BLM controversy when she broke her contract with Bowmar Nutrition, in which she spoke about the horrible mistreatment by Sarah and her unrealistic expectations, the miniscule amount of money that she made off of her sales, and the overall poor working experience that she had with Sarah. Her explanation was up for a while under her “BLM” highlight on her IG, but it has since been removed. Other influencers also broke their contract with Bowmar Nutrition over this - see here.
• Another consequence of her BLM response was her getting dropped by Balance Atheletica, who she was an athlete for. Sarah stated that “she had no idea why she was dropped” (see here), and Steve, Balance Athetica’s owner, went on live and made a statement that she knows exactly why she was dropped, and that it was due to her BLM response. No screenshots as it was live, but there is discussion about it here

Sarah & Josh’s animal cruelty

• Josh boasted about spearing a bear in Canada, which you can read more about here. This event led to them being dropped by Under Armour, more info on that here.
• This act of animal cruelty even led to a new law being adopted in Alberta, in which they made spearing a bear illegal. You can read about this here.
• Sarah has a plethora of farm animals, and things keep happening to them. Recently, her chickens got mutilated and died from a mink getting into their enclosure (TW - dead chickens, see here).
• Sarah bakes using chemicals and because she won’t eat food, she feeds them to the animals. See here. This is not healthy or appropriate food for animals.

Sarah & Josh’s hunting practices

• To preface - this sub is not anti-hunting. There are many hunters amongst us. The key difference is that our members are ethical hunters.
• Sarah and Josh are certified poachers (more on the Bowmar v USA lawsuit down below.) Here is a charge for hunting without a tag or license.
• Here is a post where Sarah states the animals that she would never hunt, with another photo of her with the carcass of one of those said animals, a few years later.
• The general consensus of this sub is that Sarah has a white savior complex. When hunting in Africa, she makes it seem like she is single-handedly keeping a village alive by donating her meat, when donating is not even her own choice - it’s something that she has to do, because they cannot take the meat home with them. You can see more details about that here.
• Sarah and Josh are trophy hunters, even though they claimed not to be for years. Here is just one example of her trophies.

Sarah’s conspiracy theories

• Sarah does not believe in Covid-19. She spent the entirety of 2020 (and 2021, and 2022, and 2023, and now in 2024…) denying the pandemic. You can view posts here, here and here regarding this.
• Sarah does not believe in climate change. Here is a post of her claiming that the government is starting wildfires, because a map showed the wildfire stopping at the US / Canadian border…. a map from a US government website.

Sarah’s harmful messages regarding health & wellness

• Sarah exercises for hours and hours, along with working out 7 days per week for her “mental health.” Here is a post where she exercised for 3.5 hours in one day, and here is a post where she shares that she does not take rest days.
• Sarah has claimed that taking testosterone will save 99% of marriages (seriously - see here.) She also states that optimal levels for women are 200 - 300, and linked a blog that she found with this information. You will find that the appropriate number for women should be 15-70 ng/dl. Just about every website will tell you this if you google, but here is one. In this blog post, she states that her testosterone levels are at 250.
• Sarah claims that carrots detox extra estrogen. She went on a whole carrot salad kick, which you can see here. I dug so deep for an evidence-based peer reviewed study on carrots detoxing estrogen, and not a single one exists.
• Sarah posted that she doesn’t care if she gets cancer due to her excessive T use, which you can see here. She said that by the time she gets cancer in 15 years, medicine will have advanced enough to cure it. Direct quote: “I would rather live like a superhero for the next 30 years and die of cancer, than feel like shit for 50 years.”
• Sarah constantly posts body checking photos. She is so proud of her floor abs that she posts them quite literally every day. Members of this sub have stated how triggering these body checking posts are, as many of us have struggled / are currently struggling with eating disorders.

Sarah’s perfect marriage & parenting

• Sarah and Josh went on live once to discuss how testosterone saved their marriage.. She claimed that she was in one of the worst mental states of her life postpartum, and that Josh was hounding her for sex before she was even cleared for it. Sarah was uninterested (as most women are after birth), so Josh encouraged her to get on testosterone to increase her libido. In this sub’s opinion, this makes it seem that it wasn’t testosterone that saved her marriage - it was her putting out. Sarah has stated that she believes that sex is the only thing that differentiates a friendship from a relationship. In this post, she talks about how once intimacy is established, the relationship will flourish.
• But it doesn’t stop there - apparently T wasn’t the cure for her marriage. Oyster pills, pilates & pelvic floor work also saved her marriage.
• Sarah made a post regarding date nights (see here) and how date nights only contribute to 1% of a healthy marriage, and we should focus on the other 99% (allegedly, this means sex).
• Sarah constantly makes posts online towards other men, stating that they “just got her pregnant.” (See here.) At one point, she was horny for a truck.
• Sarah and Josh would not take their children trick-or-treating because one neighbor made bullets, and one has peacocks. She stated that “hell would freeze over before Josh misses a sit on Halloween to go trick or treating.” (Last photo on this post)
• There are countless posts of her under-dressing her children in weather well below freezing. Here is just one of many posts on it.
• Ever since Dean was born, he has appeared to have some health issues. Sarah stated that her pediatrician urged her to conduct a sleep study for him, but due to the sleep study being 2 hours away, she just didn’t have time so she wouldn’t be doing it, yet she spends countless hours doing other things. See here.
• Sarah received a DM from someone regarding Oakley and how she was behind developmentally. Our sleuths on this sub (and MHGA) pointed out that the small part of the photo that was visible is identical to the Bowmar Farms account. Literally down to the same HEX#. Here is the post theorizing this. This is an alleged opinion, and not proved.
• Here is a photo where Sarah is showing Oakley measuring and weighing food. I will let you come to your own conclusions on how to feel about that.
• Sarah allows her children to play with animal poop and dead carcasses.

Sarah’s superiority complex

• Sarah was pregnant for four years - with two children. World record pregnancy
• Her children are 19 months apart
• She is obsessed with looking better than she did pre-pregnancy, and proved to the haters who told her it would be hard to bounce back wrong.
• She took speed reading in highschool
• She got her MBA in 11 months
• She’s married to a Greek God, all American athlete at a D1 school, who is a self-taught engineer

Sarah’s world records

• Here is Josh claiming that he got a world record croc.
• Here is Josh claiming that he caught a world record carp.
• Here is Sarah claiming to be the first documented woman in history to harvest a hippo with a bow.
• Here is Sarah showing off her trophies from her world record croc.
• Here is a post calling out their bullshit world records. The Bowmars claim that they have all of these world records, but we have yet to see a single record documented in any hunting record lists.

Sarah’s abundance of law suits (if Sarah does have a world record in anything, I’d guess that it’s the outrageous number of lawsuits that she’s been in)

• Sarah and Josh both pled guilty to a Lacey Act Violation in October 2022. It is a rabbit hole, which you can read more about here. Sarah and Josh vehemently denied any involvement in the case, and stretched the case out for years. When they could no longer deny it, Josh made a post in which he compared it to a speeding ticket. They took a plea deal, in which they got a slap on the wrist and a fine.
• A lawsuit was opened against Bowmar Nutrition, on the grounds that their nutrition facts are wrongly reported, with claims that their macronutrients may be as much as 25% less than what is stated. You can read more about it here. The lawsuit ended up being dropped.
• The man behind the instagram account “Making Hunting Great Again” (MHGA) was sued for defamation after posting a youtube video that was completely factual and had receipts as proof. Here is his post with his summons. The Bowmars used a lawyer out of Tennessee, because they tend to have loose defamation laws (speculated amongst this sub). Luckily, MHGA fought back, got a lawyer and refused to settle. The judge ordered the Bowmars to send in their tax forms, showing that they did in fact have a loss of income over this youtube video. They refused to turn over the documents, and the case was dropped.
• The Bowmars opened a lawsuit against an Iowa news outlet, with charges of “assault libel & slander” when they broadcasted the news of their poaching case. The Bowmars claimed that they had suffered “significant financial damages and damage to their reputation” and that this news station has led to them “being attacked on the internet, and lied about by the public as a result of the defendants’ false statements. They have lost money, productive time, and experienced anxiety and humiliation as a result of the false defamatory statements.” Here is an article regarding this lawsuit. Here is a super interesting page that lists all of the motions.
• Josh burned down his neighbors cabin, when he was attempting a controlled burn. Please note that he attempted to put this fire out with a leaf blower. The neighbor had to get into a legal battle with the Bowmars to get his cabin paid for. More info here. The case was dismissed from criminal court, and was settled in civil court, with an undisclosed amount given to the neighbors.

Other Bowmar miscellaneous controversies

• A previous member of this sub claimed that she sent Sarah a DM when Sarah was claiming to be infertile. The member had shared her story about struggling with infertility for years, and felt it was unfair for Sarah to claim infertility after only 2 months of trying. Sarah lost it - she found this woman’s information from previous purchases that she made from Bowmar Nutrition, doxxed her on Instagram, and terrorized her with phone calls and threats. See here. These claims are made by the victim, and have not been proven that this harassment occured.
• Chris Pratt made a post about his wife, and an innocent man made a comment on the post. Sarah responded to him saying “maybe you wouldn’t be so angry if your wife put out - I have a highlight on HRT if you need it.” This man’s wife had just beat cancer & they were actively trying to conceive. You can read more about this here.
• Sarah created a blog post about struggling with infertility for two months, and became pregnant with Dean immediately after it was posted.
• Sarah made a post about struggling between having more kids, or not having more kids. See here. The post genuinely made it seem like she was conflicted, and when people were offering her advice or kind words, she lost it. She claimed that she is suicidal and would never want to live that again, that she’s currently still “in this phase.” The next day, she posted a story about how she’s so glad she posted it because she got so much engagement. I am not claiming that Sarah was not suicidal or did not have or currently has severe PPD/A.

If you are here due to Sarah being rude towards you, you are not alone. Nearly every single one of us used to follow Sarah, take her advice, and support her businesses. There have been a couple of posts on this sub asking what the straw that broke the camel’s back was. You can read them here and here.
Now, before engaging in this sub - head to the community information at the top of this page. There, you will find the wonderful mods that run the sub, and the community rules. It’s very important to follow these rules so that a.) you don’t get banned for breaking them, and b.) we can continue to have this sub without fear of getting it shut down.
Thank you to the Mods for trusting me to write this post, and all of the community members that contributed their ideas on what to include. If there is anything I missed, please leave it in the comments below!
Disclaimer: This post was written as a comprehensive guide regarding the Bowmar’s controversies. Everything in this post came directly from the Bowmars, various court documents, or articles. I am sharing published & public information, and I have refrained from sharing my opinions. Readers are encouraged to make their own opinions regarding the information posted above. This post is not intended to directly or indirectly cause harm, whether financially, emotionally or otherwise, to the Bowmars.

So I just want to say for anybody that's going to sit here and read this. Thank you for reading along but I'm sick and tired of people blaming my quote on quote anxiety for some of the symptoms that I'm having when basically in 2018-2019. I had a pediatrician that said if I didn't change my health ways with my health history, i would become a diabetic or have a higher chance of becoming a diabetic around the year 2020 2021. I sat there and had five 2 l of pops within a week with a bunch of candy bars and stuff like that started feeling lightheaded, dizziness and like at this point in time didn't really have anxiety because I mean you weren't really able to go outside like at all. So you just had to stay inside and you know. Stayed inside and played the game but started having parts were my feet would go numb some of my body parts. My fingers would go numb. I would frequently urinate and this lasted for about like 3 weeks and I thought I was just tripping because it ended up going away. Flash forward to roughly December of last year. I've been fine without taking medication right? Cool. I get stressed out sometimes right? Never really had an issue of you know urinating an awful lot. Normally you'll be like every 4 to 5 hours I'd you know have to go to the restroom but in December that four to five hours cut down to 20 minutes and people just told me. Oh you're just anxious is just anxiety. Well I was working and I sit there and it got to the point where it was so bad that it dropped from 20 minutes to every 5 minutes and I wasn't even stressed out at my job. It's a simple job. It's easy to do but my bladder and all these other issues with joints and stuff like that with family history that I have. It made it damn near impossible for me to work. People blamed it on anxiety. Oh you're just nervous. I've been working at this job for 2 years. Explain to me why I would be nervous. Those symptoms have continued up until now and everybody just tells me. Oh it's anxiety. I don't feel like it is. The symptoms have gotten worse. I realize the symptoms get worse when I have sugar or where I go without sugar for a long time. Maybe it's just my my brain telling me that. But why wouldn't it affect my physical body? So did some research stress can make you more diabetic or have a higher chance of it? Plus with family history plus with everything else it's just to the point where all these people sit in there and telling me oh I don't know my body. Oh I don't know this and that that's stressful because dealing with anxiety since I was 11. Up until now I've never had this issue. Whether that be on medication or off medication and people are just make it seem like I'm crazy. So I don't know what to do. I realize symptoms got worse after I had a Coke zero and Coke zero's didn't realize but studies were done that that's possible gives you a higher chance that type 2 diabetes on all I've tried to do is take care of my body. So I just want to leave it off here. If people think I'm crazy. I'm crazy. I mean like I'm cold 24/7. If I put my joints in one position or if I move my feet up they go numb. There's redness on my ankle where it's completely ashed over. My big toe is literally black and the toenail to it is yellow. While the rest of my toes are white and toenails are white. My eyes are yellowing. I wake up in the morning. I see black splotches or blue splotches everywhere it eventually goes away. Sometimes they come back randomly throughout the day. I've tried the medication that they've given me. It hasn't helped so maybe at the end of the day. I am just crazy I just I don't know what to do

This is going to be long. Scroll to bottom for TLDR.
I have been a nanny for 17 years and have been with my most recent family since August of 2021.
I am on a Payroll service with them, but that took a lot of convincing to be paid fairly, and I realize now that this was Red Flag #1.
With that said, it took close to a year before they agreed to pay me legally, and I stuck it out because I really liked the family, the job and the pay (and nanny gigs around me at the time were VERY hard to find given Covid).
The first week of me working “on the books” MB paid me in cash so that I wouldn’t have a lapse in paycheck since starting payroll. This is important to the story.
Their oldest is about to turn 4, and I started when she was just around 14 months old. They had another baby in June of 2022, which earned me a raise and more hours ($2/hr raise, which is too low for a newborn, I know that now. And 45 hours a week).
MB asked if I was okay with having 40 hours on payroll and any extra hours work paid in cash. At the time I didn’t take overtime into consideration. Red Flag #2.
Because I liked them and the job, I agreed, and I’ll admit, it was nice having a little extra cash every week. She had also told me the extra 5 hours a week probably wouldn’t be consistent, only as needed, but that never happened. Every single week it was 45 hours, for almost a whole year.
Fast forward to a first vacation week with this new pay & schedule. MB didn’t pay me for the full 45 hours, instead I just had my normal 40hrs payroll direct deposit. And I asked her what the deal was and she said because the 5 hours were considered extra and not part of my “normal” schedule, she wouldn’t pay me for the extra 5 during vacations/holidays. Sick time is a different story.
I argued this, saying I’ve been 45 hours for a year and the schedule rarely changes. And it’s income I rely on and was never told otherwise. She stuck to her guns and I, feeling defeated, eventually said I understood, because to be honest the extra 5 hours wasn’t THAT big of a deal, I was more so just making sure she hadn’t forgotten to pay me (because that was also common as the extra 5 hours was through Zelle).
Things are great for a while, with the exception of little things starting to annoy me (coming in to huge messes Monday mornings -sink full of their weekend get together dishes, dishwasher full, dirty and not running, every single baby bottle dirty and no clean ones for me to feed LO. Laundry piled up that would include baby blowout onesies from the weekend, toddler vomit caked on sheets/or potty mess underwear. This all has happened MORE than once, and some of it still does).
I approached MB on this, and said I understand the weekends are hectic, but I need to at least come in to ONE clean bottle to feed LO, which was as my shift started (7AM). Not to mention babies diaper being full from overnight (baby would sleep 7pm-5:30am) 2 out of 5 days of the week when I would come in. That one fills me with rage every time I see it. It is gross, unacceptable, wrong in every way to wait for the Nanny to come in and change it. The response I got was “we will try harder to make your mornings run smoother.”
Things improved.
In September of ‘23 MB asked how I would feel if they wanted to add a 3rd child to the mix and if I was comfortable with that. At the time, yes, I was! It was an emotional moment when she told me she was expecting, as MB and I have become close, and I have a very close bond with the kids. We were excited. She has called me a “God send”, a light in her life, Mary Poppins, etc.
Then comes a puppy. Ah, we Nannie’s know allllll about this phase. The promises of “we don’t expect you to worry about the dog,” etc. That promise lasted one shift, and then the puppy needed care. I work 10-12 hour shifts (MB is a pediatrician and DB is a surgeon) and I am NOT the type of person that can ignore an animal that needs care.
At the end of that first shift I approached MB and said that I did not mind caring for the puppy at all, but unless they hire outside help (because the puppy needed care every 2 hours, like a newborn) I would need a raise. She said simply “the budget doesn’t allow for a raise right now” but she would revisit when it did.
The raise came in November. From $22/hr to $25/hr. The going rage for a nanny of my stature in the area is $25-$30 an hour, which I talked to her about.
And to be clear on my responsibilities in addition to childcare:
Laundry (children only, but occasionally NPs when they “forget” the loads in washedryer.
Dishes (all dishes, not just kids), playroom tidying, kids bed/crib sheets changed/washed once a week, humidifiers cleaned once a week, diaper pails emptied (the amount of times k have come in to them OVERFLOWING!!).
Cooking - I make regular meals for the kids, that NPs eat as well, I make new recipes that can be frozen and reheated easily when I am not there (meatballs, chickpea patties, purées for baby).
I keep things organized (kids clothes/books/toys rotated seasonally/size wise, same for playroom organization). Run errands as needed (groceries usually), and I’ve even taken the kids to doctor and dentist appointments.
With the raise came the deduction of hours, from 45 to 40. I was okay with this, since I didn’t feel comfortable being paid extra in cash and wanted everything on Payroll.
In the almost 3 years I have worked for them, I have requested two days off. TWO. Each time was a problem and I ended up giving in to her demands and working half shifts for both when I should have been off. They have always been difficult with sick time and if I was sick she would always ask me to make up hours, which I usually agreed to. So, use the 10 hours of sick time for a missed day, come in on a day I normally wouldn’t for those ten hours and not be paid for it kind of thing.)
And now the straw that broke the camels back.
In January of this year, I ran into some health issues. Long story short, I ruptured a cyst in my right ovary which caused me to throw my back out and landed me in the ER. I messaged MB from the hospital lobby, explaining my fears (I didn’t know for sure yet about the cyst) and her response was along the lines of, feel better, we can talk about sick time when I see you again.
I missed two days, when I should have missed the entire week. That following day, she pulled me aside. She asked how I was, and I was honest, said I was concerned about my health, how I’ve had changes in my body the past few months and now this. I was very scared, confused, and in pain, and was sent home from the hospital with the diagnosis of “muscular pain”. TLDR for this, I ended up seeing my GP and had some tests, turns out I was correct, and I was diagnosed with PCOS and IBS.
Anyway, at the time, I didn’t know what was going on and was scared. MB knew this. She knew my fears because of family history and me being physically and mentally struggling.
During our talk she asked if there was anything around the house that I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing. I said two things. 1, bathing the kids (bending over the tub, lifting in & out was a no-go for safety), carrying the laundry bins to the basement laundry room (kids rooms on second floor so 2 flights of stairs) and using caution on the stairs with the toddler.
Those were my biggest things, and they ALL pertained to me being safe, not because I didn’t want to do them. Her response was along the lines of, well, if you can’t do it, we’d rather you stay home and I can have extra help come in, but we wouldn’t be able to pay you because I’d take that money and give it to the help that comes in. Because I (rubbing her pregnant belly) shouldn’t be doing those things either, and I worry about going into early labor.
I was…dumbfounded? This coming from a woman who doesn’t lift a finger when it comes to housework. Directed at a person who has given them my ALL over the last almost 3 years. I always do my job, I never am on my phone, we don’t allow screen time (only when NPs are home), I respect her requests when it comes to staying on the same lave with discipline. I potty trained, I transition to no pacifiers, no bottles, new toddler beds. You name it. I am a second mother. At the end she asked when I even do laundry (she had no idea because it’s always done!!)
After that talk she said I was over my sick time hours (I was at 45 and am given 40 per year)
This was in January. The last sick time I had used before this was December, and thinking my time “restarted” for the new year, I was confused when she said this.
She went on to say that since I was hired in August, our calendar year is from August-August. This was news to me! If I had known that, I would have been more careful where I used sick time throughout the year, as I tend to get sick in the fall/winter.
She said they wouldn’t be paying me for the 5 hours I went over and it would be reflected in the following weeks check. I was hurt, still in pain, and disgusted. And still am. I cried in the bathroom when she left to run errands.
That was Friday. The next day, Saturday, one of my cats got very sick and ended up having to be put down. It was very difficult and sudden. And hours later, I had a moment of clarity. I realized that after all we’ve been through, they truly don’t care about me.
While still pain, nearly unable to walk, I still showed up to work, while she didn’t even have work and was WFH the following day (virtual clinic).
That Saturday afternoon I thought about my future with them and I made the very difficult decision to give them my notice.
I gave them 12 weeks. When we had first met, MB was in a rough place. She had a nanny walk out on her (now I know why) and came up with a sob story and I always promised her I would NEVER leave her high and dry. I know how hard it is finding people you can trust with your children, I get it.
I have a plan to change careers, and was honest with her and said I don’t have anything lined up yet, but I want to give you time to find someone trustworthy since I love the kids and care about their well-being. It was tearful, she hugged me, we cried, it was a lot.
We touch base, she makes sure I’m serious, given my health issues, and I say yes, I’m sure I’m not changing my mind basically, but I’m willing to take it slow so I can leave on good terms and have a job lined up. Figured I was being curteous by giving them such long notice. I purposely lined it up so she’d be on maternity leave (FOR 6 MONTHS!) and she could take her time finding a new nanny.
Before a scheduled vacation in Feb, she said they’d spoken to a few Nannie’s but nothing sounded like a good fit yet, but she’d keep me posted . I said I’d appreciate it since I still didn’t have any bites either (submitted my resume to 15+ places, heard back from one place so far.)
They come back from vacation and break the news they found a nanny that they think will work, but she may need to start sooner than the 12 week mark (which would have been May 1st)
I asked how long, and she said at the most, a month, the earliest 2 weeks.
Yesterday, she tells me 15 days. I panic. I don’t have anytning yet. Not an interview, not a call back, nothing. I tell her this, she says she’ll talk to new nanny about pushing the date out a little.
At 6:30 last night, fifteen minutes after my shift ended for the day, she told me the new nanny starts Monday the 11th and my last day is Friday (tomorrow).
I am holding back tears, confused, hurt, wondering how she could do this to me after all we’ve been through? I don’t argue, I don’t say the words that are itching to burst out of my mouth, I just blanket my stare, confused, as her youngest toddler runs to me with open arms saying, “mama.”
I manage to ask her when my last check is, assuming it’ll be next week, since the week is held back in payroll and she shakes her head and says no, this Friday. And her reasoning is that and I quote “I have to give this weeks pay to new nanny, since I want to avoid paying the fee to change employees. My accountant said it was best to do it this way, and the cash I gave you in the start covers your final pay.”
Not only were my hours different then, my rate of pay was less, and this is something she should have very clearly told me would be the case when we parted ways (whenever it would be)
My advice needed here is; am I right to assume she owes me this final weeks pay? Am I entitled to it by law? I worked every shift (30 total hours), with the exception of tomorrow (7:30-5:30), which I am HIGHLY considering NOT going to if she doesn’t intend on paying me.
If I don’t go in, I’m worried I may be considering “quitting without notice” in her eyes and I’ll run into issues with unemployment - which I plan on trying to file, because…wtf? I don’t even know if I can file but after this, I feel I should since I’m not even being given 2 weeks notice at a minimum.
I don’t know. I’m hurt. I’m confused. I’m worried about income. I have a house, a car, bills, pets. I should have found a job first, I know that now, but here I was trying to be courteous. Silly me.
Thoughts? Advice? A what would you do? I haven’t messaged her yet, and if I decide to not show tomorrow I will tell her today that since I’m not being paid for the shift, I don’t intend on coming in and hopefully new nanny can accommodate. Send the kids my love and good luck with everything.
If you read this whole thing, thank you!!
TLDR; I gave a 12 week notice, and MB unexpectedly told me last night after my shift that my last day will be tomrorow as will be my final paycheck (for the previous week). She’s withholding my pay from this weeks hours to accommodate the new nanny that starts Monday and to avoid paying fees/taxes with Payroll to add a new employee.
Is this legal? She paid me cash 2 years ago when we first switched to payroll, to cover the lapse in pay after starting a payroll service with a new job, but never mentioned it would withhold my final weeks pay until I found out last night, fifteen minutes after my shift ended while we talked in the kitchen.
Am I screwed? We also did NOT have a contract, which I now fully regret. The only positive is that I am on a payroll service and have been since 2022.

I have the feeling that we are at an impasse and I no longer have any idea what is actually good and sensible for our daughter.
Background: Our daughter (3,5) is quickly overwhelmed and overstimulated and has always had long, violent meltdowns. I'm not talking about tantrums (she has those too, of course ;-)), but long (30-60 min.) screaming and crying fits, from which she can hardly be calmed down and which sometimes end with her vomiting. The reasons are "big feelings" (sadness, shame, fear, anger), too many impressions and "scary" thoughts (like: "Imagine there was nothing at all!") It happens almost every day (even at kindergarten), sometimes more than once, and about once, rarely twice a week with vomiting. In addition, she is very introverted and doesn't cope well with larger groups, which has become an issue in kindergarten. If "too many children make too much noise" (her words), she shuts herself off, observes or daydreams – snapping her out of it is pretty difficult. On her own, with individual children or in small groups, she is open-minded, funny, extremely curious and inquisitive, likes to chat and play and laugh, but as soon as she leaves her comfort zone, she becomes completely passive. She will also either shut herself off or become very angry if she's really bored, which is happening more frequently lately (also during meals, on the loo ...).
The problem (quotes by the psychologists): On the advice of the kindergarten and our pediatrician, we took her to a child psychologist to have her social-emotional development assessed. The whole interaction with the psychologist felt unpleasant and kind of dismissive. After several appointments and the diagnostics, we were basically told we shouldn't make such a fuss and "come back if the child really has problems". Overall, we were told, she was developing in line with her age; her cognitive, language and fine motor skills were far above average and we "should be proud that you have such a clever and skillful child". The gross motor and social-emotional skills are somewhat below average, but still within the normal range - the discrepancy between the skill sets is huge and "likely causes these outbursts", but is “not a diagnosis”, but simply "your daughter's personality, which you have to accept". The psychologist was of the opinion that our daughter "will grow out of her meltdowns" and that we should simply pay less attention to them, so that "she realizes that it doesn't make sense to get so worked up". Plus, we should create "a low-stimulus environment" so that she is less frequently overwhelmed. Then she wrote a doctor's note with the diagnosis "Other childhood emotional disorders" with the statement "That's what you wanted when you came here, isn't it? At least it helps the kindergarten to apply for additional resources."
Now: The kindergarten teachers and the pediatrician are livid, but no one has any really good suggestions as to what we should do next. My husband and I are just confused. We don't want to pathologize our daughter, we don't want special attention or extra treatment, but somehow it doesn't feel really "right" the way it is and we want to help our child to come to terms with herself and the world.
Is anyone here perhaps in a similar situation or has any ideas about what else to do, who to address or where to look further? Or are we really taking this all too seriously and should ignore it more? I'm too frustrated and disappointed right now to think clearly.

I'm working on a project for one of my doctorate classes and I'm wondering- what do newborn pediatrician visits look like where you live? Does a nurse do home visits after the baby is born? Do you have to go into a pediatrician's office with a newborn baby and heaps of other sick kids in the waiting room? What does that first month or two look like in terms of medical care in your country? Thanks for any insight you can share! (This project is focusing on the brokenness of our healthcare system and proposed solutions- no quotes will be used from any replies. I'm just getting a general idea of how other countries manage this time period)

Tldr; my toddler recently started eating a ton of (healthy) food and jumped 30 weight percentiles in ~8 months. Do I try to slow her down?
I’ve always had what I’ve called a “moody” eater. She’s not picky, she just had to be in the mood. Some meals would be light grazing, some meals she’d eat a ton. I never really stressed because it always evened itself out.
Somewhere around the last month (we’re about 4 months out from turning 3) something changed and at every meal, this kid eats more than I do. For dinner last night she had half a pound of salmon, half of an avocado, a handful of green beans, a handful of baby carrots, and a bowl of frozen blueberries for dessert. Every meal I am sure she’s going to slow down but she’s showing no signs of stopping.
We went to the pediatrician last week and she’s jumped almost 30 weight percentiles from her 24m visit. She’s always been like 90-95% for height and ~35% for weight, she’s now in the low 60s for weight. The doctor didn’t seem concerned about the weight jump.
I was positive this was just a phase for the first month but now I’m not so sure? Historically she has always been the one to tell me when she is done or not and I haven’t been concerned as it’s a lot of fruits and veg. Should I try to get her to slow down or limit her portion sizes or just enjoy this while it lasts?
updates:
First, thank you to everyone for the helpful perspectives! Super helpful and I feel much more confident that this is all within the range of normal.
Second, the first part of this title is in quotes not because it is a scientific truth, but because it is something you hear often as a parent. Apparently that wasn’t clear for some.

Didn’t expect to update so soon. I left the bathroom after posting my previous update and I ask in if i can sit next to him while he works on the applications. He tells me to check on her first since he left her ON THE BED. I run in and she is unattended, covered with a blanket (not head but still) He’s not running into the other room real quick for a diaper or bottle, he’s sitting on the couch working on applications with NO BABY MONITOR. Why can’t he fill these out watching her? He then asks what’s wrong as I’m just looking at her in shock he says and I’m quoting word for word here “is she not there? I left her DEAD in the center of the bed” he emphasized dead and paused a little longer than he should and what do you mean IS SHE NOT THERE?! asked him why the fuck he would phrase it like that and he chuckled and said “oh didn’t think about that”. These words still haven’t left my head and I’m hanging on every syllable. We lay down to talk about my day and he tells me he had to change her outfit because she screamed so much she puked and almost choked to death. Said he had to use an aspirator to clear her nose and throat. WHY WAS SHE LEFT TO SCREAM THAT HARD? His blanket then just grazes her face and he moves and and then jokes about putting it over her face. What is wrong with him? She has a pediatrician appointment later today and we’re not coming back, or at least she isn’t. She isn’t safe here. I don’t think these were accidental misphrasings or wrong times jokes. I think he’s warning me.

Asking because I've seen people on subreddits do the same and from clubs at my own school. I would like to start a club(s) and offer similar things but don't know how. :((
A college prep club ran by 2 students meet once a month, and offer crazy things. They have five guest speaker sessions: Computer Science, Biology related major, Stanford OASES engineering, Business related major, and medical professionals (registered dietian, pediatrician, psychiatrist) and have what they call "four info sessions" which directly quoting offer:
UC & Common App
Essay, GPA, Test Scores, & Recommendations
Interviews, Activity, Financial Aid & Scholarships.
In their "Why You Should Join" section, they list gain insight on the college admissions process, learn from experts and experienced individuals, etc.
They're mostly definitely in 11th or 12th, but how do they know this and have the resources? Especially getting guest speakers and experts/experienced individuals. Do they just search the web for the information and relay it in the meetings? Have no idea how they could've gotten guest speakers.
And the Math Club is SPONSORED BY AN MIT ALUMN somehow, which is cause this is a public school that's not really competitive at all.

I hope this is allowed as I did get a couple of requests for an update. My original post, from back in October, was here: https://www.reddit.com/kindergarten/comments/171v2js/son_struggling_in_unstable_classroom/. TL/DR: After a reasonably successful TK experience, my son started kindergarten. His teacher (experienced and well-loved by other teachers and families) quit after five weeks, due at least in part to burnout and struggling with an overloaded class and lack of support staff. My son became increasingly anxious and unhappy after a long-term sub took over and had escalating disruptive behaviors, culminating in a two-day suspension for pushing a fellow student and a staff member that led me to seek help and advice here (I later learned he pushed past them as he tried to run out of the assistant principal's office). Sorry this is so long, a lot of stuff happened.
First, thank you for your previous responses and advice. I implemented a lot of what was suggested--reached out to his pediatrician (she had me and his preK teacher fill out several surveys and said she thought he had anxiety but didn't see indications to pursue a referral for ADHD or autism), set up counseling for my son, and requested an RTI meeting and a formal evaluation for him through the school system. I also reached out via the school's app to his sub and to an instructional coach asking if they would have any time to speak with me the following week.
The conversation with the instructional coach ended up being incredibly revealing. While she had not been in the class much before the OG teacher quit (since she had been very experienced and not identified as needing the most support) she had been on recess/other duty with his class sometimes and confirmed he was doing fine at first. She also, without feeling she could share all the details, said some telling things about the long-term sub: "the class is chaotic" and "even the most well-adjusted child in there is not doing fine right now," and "there's a reason (OG teacher) quit" were some choice quotes. She said she had seen my son watch other kids have full on meltdowns and burst into tears himself; she said he basically responded to the chaos in two ways, either by completely checking out from his surroundings or by acting out to try to make kids around him laugh (and often succeeding, she said unfortunately for this situation he is really smart and funny but he doesn't know when to shut it down to avoid getting in trouble.) She also told me the sub was being fired and would not be back on Monday. The instructional coach and another instructional coach, both former K teachers at that school, were going to take over and co-teach in the room until a replacement permanent teacher could be hired.
This started a new month-long phase. Under their instruction my son did better for a while. It was also much easier to follow up at home with any behaviors at school because they were actually sharing any notes about disruptive behaviors. However, after a honeymoon period of a few days, my son started being disruptive again--running around the classroom, bumping into other kids, etc at seemingly random times. He also continued/escalated his school refusal and explicitly told one of the coaches at one point that he was being disruptive so he could leave class. This period of time was kind of nightmarish--I kept hoping things would turn around, but we seemed trapped in a cycle of me forcing him into the school, him trying to find some method of breaking enough rules to leave class but not in ways that would make people angry at him, this of course not really being possible, him hating school and himself, me and his dad spending every evening debriefing about school with him, everyone going to bed miserable, rinse and repeat. We also found out that his friend in class who he had known in preschool had transferred to another school.
We finally had his RTI meeting about 3 weeks in, and I was told that a permanent teacher was on the point of being hired. Staff said they didn't want to start a ton of new interventions for him until a new teacher was in place. The following Monday, we learned that the previous aide in the room had been hired as the new teacher. I was appreciative they had hired someone who already knew the room and kids and reached out to her to let her know I wanted to be available for whatever would help the class and my son be successful.
Unfortunately s*** hit the fan for the whole school that week. The principal was called away and actually had the leave the country for a family emergency/death and was gone for 2 weeks. Some other key staff were either on personal leave or quit. The assistant principal (the one who suspended my son and who I now know none of the teachers or other families liked or trusted) was asked on the second morning by the acting principal to step up and take care of some things, and walked out of the school at 7:40 on Tuesday morning and literally never returned, ghosting the school and district's calls for two weeks and then resigning. My son's room had no replacement aide, and due to the general stress of the school, the two instructional coaches were not able to coach the new teacher in as they had planned. This week, my son spent about 50% of each day in the office (I believe often just sitting on a chair in the main office) as the new teacher would send him out, but there was no one to talk to him and take him back to class.
Throughout this time I had been trying to get additional insight as to what triggered my son's behaviors, in partnership with the instructional coach who talked to me the most. He consistently began to mention one other kid in class, one of only 5 other boys in the class of 24. He said originally this kid had been chasing and hitting him, but stopped doing that when they agreed to be friends--but they could only be friends if he did the things this kid asked him to do (throw stuff, chase other kids, push other kids, etc.) We had several conversations about how friends don't ask friends to do those things and he should say no. Finally we said, if you can't say no you just can't be friends right now. The next morning, the Friday of the new teacher's first week, my son apparently stood up in the middle of carpet time, 8:30 am, pointed at this other kid, and yelled "you're not my friend." He was reprimanded and began crying and running around the room. The teacher sent him to the office; there were no admin available in the office, so the school called and asked me to pick him up and take him home. When I got there, at one point literally I was left alone in the principal's office with my son and some random other kid I've never met.
At this point my husband and I were in despair. I didn't know how to break a cycle of bad behavior that seemed to spring from 1. anxiety and broken trust between my son and the class environment and 2. trying to make my son stop being friends with another kid he felt connected to, in a school that simultaneously we believe really wanted to help him but didn't seem to have the time to do so. Waiting for the principal to return, we homeschooled our son for a week and did a LOT of talking to him about his behavior, his feelings, school, etc. Then for the two days before Thanksgiving break, I actually sat in on the class and observed, something I had wanted to do but hadn't felt comfortable to try to insist.
While I was there, my son's behavior was great (not surprising) but I also saw that almost every boy in the class had behaviors as bad/worse than those reported about my son. I think often he was going along with, copying, or eventually instigating these behaviors to try to fit in with kids he thought would be his friends. I understand why they couldn't tell me this, and it doesn't at all make his disruptive behaviors okay, but it did help me see why it might be difficult for him to unlearn those behaviors. I also saw that although he reported not having friends, a ton of kids in the class really liked him and were so happy to see him back--several kids kept running up to give him hugs. He is shy and introverted--a few times I saw him try to speak to the teacher, simply not be heard, and give up. The kid my son had reported was asking him to do bad things, at one point started throwing duplos at another kid during indoor recess and rather than ask for help, my son just silently put his hands/body in between so she wouldn't get hit. After reflecting on everything and talking things over with school staff and the principal, we agreed that my son would likely benefit from a fresh start, and we jointly requested the district transfer him. At this point the AP had already quit, and I think this made staff feel more comfortable to speak freely--several actually apologized to me for the suspension and the general lack of communication/response when my son first started having a hard time under the long-term sub.
He was transferred to another elementary school, same distance from our house, starting the Thursday after Thanksgiving. I was very apprehensive but he has done great. Talking with his new teacher right before break, she said he does have some contact seeking behaviors (wanting to get hugs/touch other kids) but nothing harmful to others, she's never seen him do anything that she felt she couldn't handle in the classroom, and he got the highest MAP scores in the class in every area. He has already made some new friends. The first day I picked him up he said "see, I told you I wanted to be good" and "I love this school." I do think he has a long way to go in terms of relearning trust in school and working on issues he came in with that got exacerbated by everything (shyness, anxiety that leads to sensory seeking, perfectionism) but we're no longer trapped in a cycle of conflict and stress.
I also want to say, a few comments on my previous post were hard to take. I understand that I wrote it when I was very upset and concerned about dynamics at the school, and I think this read too much as an attack or distrust on my part of the school system in general. I work with teachers (including this school) for my job; I deeply want the system to succeed; I am not a permissive parent looking to excuse my son's poor behavior; and it was always my goal for kindergarten to build his respect and trust for his teacher and school, not to project or encourage anxieties. What we've been through the last few months was really hard, and in the end (with the exception of the assistant principal, who I firmly believe was trash and likely actively making things worse every time he interacted with my kid) I think everyone at the original school really wanted to help, but lacked the resources to be able to do their jobs as they wish to. It makes me really sad and scared for all our teachers and all our kids. I wish I knew what else to do about that.

TW: male drs.
This was the second cardiologist I've seen since September, first one diagnosed me with dysautonomia but didn't confirmed which type and I felt very dismissed so I made an appointment with this other dr who confirmed it was POTS, but he brought in more than I wanted.
I probably shouldn’t go into so much detail. But last week a saw a new dr to confirm my dysautonomia diagnosis as the first one was quite dismissive, and I mentioned to him hyper mobility being a concern. The dr was male, not much older than me (altho I have no idea of his age), I’m in my early 30s.
The day before our appointment I forced myself to exercise so I didn’t feel as bad when I saw him. I showered that morning but still I think it was obvious I was exhausted and distraught. I’m very chatty in my nature cause I’m adhd. He was very chatty too.
When I left (the 1hr and a half) consultation I felt exhausted, disappointed a bit because he was very insistent on me ditching my meds (for adhd and PCOS) and supplements, he was like you can be fine just exercising and I was like lol no thanks, "you are taking too many meds" he kept telling me. \**edit to add the meds: modafinil for adhd, spironolactone for dermatitis/pcos 50mg,* spiro is not the best for pcos because its a diuretic and lowers the blood pressure, so might worsen pots*, i got it prescribed before my dysautonomia diagnosis, and i'm currently being weaned off, he wanted me to stop cold turkey. for supplements i take omega 3 daily, NAC daily (i have A1AT deficiency which *can* develop into COPD even if you don't smoke, NAC helps me breath) L-theanine and magnesium glycinate at night and helps me sleep, I also have PTSD.*
I feel very disgusted typing this but he said and explained I had pectus excavatum, & my heart and breathing capacity was a bit diminished already but he mentioned this by saying it looked very nice on women because the décolletage looks more pronounced, mind you my boobs have been the same miniature size since primary school. I thought it was weird but now feels extra nasty. At the moment I was like "huh weird thing to say, perhaps he is gay & autistic" ****edit: I know this is NOT OKAY to say in general life, and is an inappropriate thought to have, and it does have gotten me in trouble before with predators. I don’t mean predators are predators because they are either gay or autistic, what I was trying to make sense of was the very obvious crossed boundaries to me and so I was “maybe it’s not sexual to them because of X” I’m in the spectrum too. I know it sounds very Kevin Spacey and I apologize. I’m not entirely sure if ought to delete this cringe sentence altogether from the post or leave it for accountability, just wanna mention that I’m aware is an idiotic thing to say, I’m sorry if you are either gay & have autistism, I didn’t mean to imply that either gay and/or autistic people are predators because they are gay/have autism. Predators are predators, they might be gay or autistic as they are freaking human beings but neither their neurodivergency or sexual orientation makes them predators.
In our country is not weird to have your dr on WhatsApp and he said he would text me my files. So I think last week he texted me and he was like if you need anything let me know, i want you to be better bla bla bla, and like ok thanks and kind, but also I was cold cause I already had a weird feeling, and in out appointment towards the end he insisted a lot on checking my histamine levels, so i asked him about it and he was like Oh the thing is that if you have EDS and POTS, you should check if you don’t also have MCAS, and i was like “omg do you think i have EDS?” and he sent me that hypermobility self test, but he didn’t diagnosed me.
So right after that I texted my allergist and asked him, and he was like FYI in our country nobody tests that unless is for research, and in all honesty I don't think you would have that because that is rather extreme, and is not easy not chug all your symptoms on MCAS (he said the latter when I complained every dr tells me something different about pots), and my allergist is old, very good, but old, so partly i was like mmm is he being lazy, or is it real, and if its real which it likely is... I don't know how to explain it but it rub me off the wrong way, I had the intrusive thought that you know for this dr is very easy to say hey you might have EDS, but if I do or don't it doesn't affect him, and the truth is that I don't know I have it, and while i do want a diagnosis I don't want EDS, I want a diagnosis so why are you like...
It's weird. I also remembered, that he asked me at the end of our appointment if I had friends doctors, that might not be the accurate translation, but it comes across as that, I automatically said no, I spent an hour and a half with him, and had already skipped lunch time, and while I didn't to the tilt table test I had to jump, and I was sleepy and tired, so I don't remember it super clearly, but he asked me if i had friends-doctors, and I said no, and he said "I can be your dr friend" and then I whispered no wait I do have, I do have friends who are drs, but he might have not heard it. And even then, I wasn't there to make friends I was there to have a doctor.
Yesterday I texted him about my medical file because on Monday I'm seeing a geneticist, and he was like "oh i sent them already" and turns out he sent them to someone else so great, and anyway he sent them and on the diagnosis he wrote that I was consistent with EDS and to follow up with a geneticist, but the thing is that guys I brought up EDS. I mentioned this because I can't help but to think that he may be is bating me by giving me the weird disease diagnosis, a concern I shared. He focuses on congenital heart shit so he must know EDS but i brought it up, not him...Anyway, is past midnight in my city and he texted me a couple of hours ago, already quite late, and he was saying that he was free and if i needed anything I could call him. I saw the message but I didn't click on it and I was like lol no way, and hours after I texted and i was like sorry I just saw this, and he asked how am doing and i said that so so because my knee hurts cause it keeps popping out and I mentioned this cause I wanted to know like, with who do I go about it? And he asked me if it was swollen, I said no, and he said like "oh it must be the degenerative joint thing" or something like "it most be the issue with the connectivity of the joints" I don't want to click on the conversation that's why I'm not quoting correctly, but guys, we don't know if I have EDS. I feel like my intrusive thought feels that he is sort of nodding on EDS because he wants to give this weird af diagnosis to a woman that really needs a diagnosis, even tho I do think I might have EDS, which important to say, I don't want to have EDS, I want a diagnosis and a treatment plan, and feel better.
So isn't this inappropriate? Because the big picture is that I am the exhausted distraught woman who has been sick and wants to be listened, validated and diagnosed, and he is my fucking dr.
I did already do a little cry to a close friend of mine, and I didn't reply nor text him, i'm going to sleep now and I'll freaking deal with this tomorrow, but I would really appreciate your input and please let me know if this is normal and I'm being weird or wtf.
Edit: I’m not seeking diagnosis, I want to hear if the way my dr is behaving is normal or sounds abusive ewwww.
edit: Thank you all for your kind comments and experiences. I've shared this with my mom and my sisters, and close friends and they all told me is weird and inappropriate af. I will not be returning to this dr, I'm not in the US, but I'll def see how to report him, he is a pediatrician, and if he is like this with me I reckon he must be like this with other distraught mom's. I'm not a mom, but you get my drift.
On Monday I'm seeing a geneticist. He is also a man, low key wanting to change to a female geneticist now, but the reality is that my gyno is a man and he has seen my genitals several times and not once has he ever made me feel uncomfortable, and I have his whatsapp, for emergencies, he has never ever initiated conversation.
Thank you for seeing past my inappropriate Kevin Spacey-like comment, thank you for commenting on how is not okay to say such things or make such assumptions.
I'm grateful that while at home my family is still somewhat dismissive about my health, whether or not I have EDS, I'm grateful that this community exists because I feel less alone, and less of a "prey". I know that I have options, and I'm not seeing that mf again. <3xx

First off the bat I want to mention we are seeking professional medical help. I just want to know from other people with similar issues how did it work out.
6.5 mo, exclusively formula fed, has had reflux early on, since he was 2mo. It is just non stop spit up during his wake windows with the occasional vomit fountain every 4-5 days. Our first pediatrician was not worried at all as long as he was gaining weight (60-70th percentile), filling diapers and had no other symptoms that might indicate CMPA. No rashes, no wheezing, no sleep issues, no mucus or blood in his stool. Actually he did have mucus for a short while in his stool (that is why we went to the doctor in the first place) but we worked out it was from the probiotics and as soon as we took those out his stools immediately went back to normal. In 6.5 mo he has only had diarrhea twice. We were given the recommendation to switch to AR formula and wait it out as he will surely grow out of it. For the most part it did get better, at least no more major projectile vomits.
Started solids at 5.5 mo and things were looking up, he kept spitting up milk but all solid food he kept down. But recently things have started getting worse again and we have no idea what exactly caused it. We introduced yogurt about the same time he started crawling and trying to sit up on his own, and the spit ups have increased. And the vomit is starting to smell like actual vomit not just baby milk vomit. He also hasn't gained any weight in over a month though we haven't cut back on his milk. No significant lengthening either.
Cut out the dairy from his solids immediately and switched to a highly recommend and qualified pediatrician. The new pediatrician did a thorough check and we filled out a form with a ton of questions before even seeing her and she is not worried at all! And I quote: I see hundreds of babies every month and your is one of the happiest ones. Give it 2 more months and he'll be over it. No medication, no advice, no blood tests, no worries about his weight. She basically reassured us that it's all down to being super active and not at all allergies. He is indeed very active, on all fours from the second his eyes open, on his tummy playing non stop. He doesn't seem too bothered by the reflux to be honest.
I am just super worried, you know? Should we try another doctor, should we try CMPA formula just to see if there's any improvement. Any thoughts or advice? Any personal experiences to share? Thank you!