First off, I have been trying to format the code blocks, but, nothing I read seems to work. It is late, and maybe I'm stupid!! Sorry for the unformatted code, can anyone tell me how to block it out?
Hey all, I have the following line, generated by ThinkSpeak

``` -0.20-0.20 ``` 

I want to parse the -0.20 out of this string. I use

``` String parseText2(const String& text) { int start = text.indexOf('>'); if (start != -1) { int end = text.indexOf('<'); if (end != -1 && end > start) { return text.substring(start + 1, end); // Extract text between delimiters (excluding delimiters) } } return ""; // Return empty String if no matching delimiter or invalid format } String parseText2(const String& text) { int start = text.indexOf('>'); if (start != -1) { int end = text.indexOf('<'); if (end != -1 && end > start) { return text.substring(start + 1, end); // Extract text between delimiters (excluding delimiters) } } return ""; // Return empty String if no delimiters or invalid format } ``` 

This code works fine to parse the Symbol out of this
Alimentation Couche-Tard Inc. (ATD.TO)
and leaves me with ATD.TO, (using "(" and ")" as delimiters, but when i use ">" and "<" as delimiters to get the price change from the first string, my if(payload.isEmpty() executes, telling me that the code somehoe does not see the > or <, but see's the ( and ) just fine. Any idea what is going on here?

My name was slandered SO badly by the quinte.ca news that it is literally criminal and VERY VERY messed up.
According to this article I am a Sex Predator and was trying to lure a 13 year old for sex using the internet.(!!!!!)
This is a long story so I’m going to do my best at condensing it so people actually read it.
This is what happened: With a fair amount of spare time on my hands I decided to do something that would create a positive, long lasting impact. I knew there had to be some real sex predators in a city this size so I decided to see if any ADULTS online were interested and fully follow through with preying on a minor. Less than a few minutes after creating a profile I was contacted by a Belleville Resident who indicated DIRECTLY to me that he was “ok” with the decoys age.

I told him my age was TWELVE. 

Within the first 5 minutes of the conversation. So for the next five days he was essentially grooming who he believed was 12 year old and attempting to meet him that upcoming weekend. At no time did I initiate or direct the conversation to move in the dirty direction. I wanted to not only provide as much solid evidence as possible for the police, but I was thinking forward to do the same for the future prosecution when this case ultimately reached the Court….( at least In my mind, this is what I was doing it for! )
Speaking to him about 45 minutes each day I was shocked at how this was actually happening. Shocked at how quickly, unaffected and confident he was to be luring a 12 year old to his apartment.
Most disturbing was the bits of information that was confessed to me. How he “had to be really careful” because he is already a registered sex offender due to being caught with another minor years ago, and how he “had multiple other people your age” in the past which he had never been caught for.
So obviously by the time I was aware of that I was Deadset at not only catching and exposing this creep but see to it that he gets his rightful spot back in a prison cell.

Make no mistake I took screenshots of EVERY message/text/conversations/photos. 

( I had taken photos of myself and used an age altering app which was procured freely from Apple. ) Upon his request I sent multiple Altered selfies over those five days in the various poses he was asking for. Obviously this was done to prove that the decoy was in fact “real”. Bam. That’s it. It was Friday and this registered sex offender “PDF File” was in FULL BELIEF and confident that a Minor was on the way to his apartment to “teach him” how to have sex.
I went just outside the meeting area a bit early and sat down with my Sony 500 video camera around my neck and was prepared to begin the video, capturing him as he went directly to the prearranged location. He was going with the quickness and attempting to hold back the huge shit eating grin on his face. Disgusting. Vile. True evil.
So I walked up to him while recording and made a call from my cellphone to his which I used to instantly tell him off the bat: “YOU’RE FKD!” Also by doing this at that moment I was putting him in a position (ON CAMERA mind you) which he had zero opportunity to deny anything.

Over the next 20-30 minutes He confessed to everything that was said during the conversations. Instead of me questioning him, initially I had told him to tell me exactly why he was there, and for him to tell me (the camera) everything that was in those terrible and unbelievable messages. 

I grilled him like a ribeye.
After having gathered what I believed to be enough evidence and having him vocally express ( One more and last time) directly to the camera why he was there at that precise moment and what it was he had expected to go down that day in his apartment, I decided to end recording, and leave.
With my adrenaline pumping, I left. Forgetting to do what could’ve been the most important thing, not for exposing him or the Court, but for ME. . . Call the cops. I called them about 10 minutes into the walk back to my home. I told the Officer everything that had just happened. Including the prior five days leading up to this event. I was praised for doing what I had done by this Officer but was informed that the “Detective” responsible for this “crime category” was already off duty and wouldn’t be returning until Monday.
On Monday I received a phone call from that Officer and TRIED to explain everything. It was like I was speaking another language to him. He REPEATEDLY tried to change what I was telling him. For example; I explained how I was the decoy and that there did NOT EXIST AN ACTUAL MINOR involved here, and then he would say: “so you and this sex offender ‘hooked up’ and tried to get a ‘13’ year old over to HIS house” !!!!! It was if he was Trolling. He simply could not, or did not WANT TO understand what happened. “It’s like a STING OPERATION” I finally said to him. I told him this guys name and where he lived. I even knew his birthdate from the convos with the Decoy. So this “detective” in charge of investigating a very serious category of crime in this city KNEW that this predator is a Registered Sex Offender. He KNEW that I was in possession of a litany of irrefutable evidence. Yet was totally incompetent and put me down as Suspect #1 from the start. For not a single reason. He denied my requests to come down and SHOW HIM THE FRICKIN’ EVIDENCE. He did not even want to see the video confession!!! Nothing happened. He said it was now an “open case” and I had a case number. Deflated. Flabbergasted. I was [again] in shock. After weeks of waiting, I ended up putting the entire video of sicko confessing and me grilling him on YouTube. My genuine motive from the start was to make a positive impact on the community. To potentially stop a child from being victimized by a predator. I felt let down the police response. Little did I know what was to come SIX months later. The cops raided the house I was living in.
I was immediately handcuffed and told that I was arrested for “LURING A MINOR” !!!! I was literally paralyzed. With at LEAST HALF A DOZEN POLICE OFFICERS AND AN EQUALLY UNNECESSARILY LARGE AMOUNT OF SUVS PARKED ON THE DRIVEWAY, LAWN, AND ONE OF THE BUSIEST ROADS IN THE CITY. RED AND BLUES FLASHING ON ALL OF THEM. W h a t . T h e . F o c k ! ? ! They went up to my neatly organized room and searched it over discovering of course nothing but my phone. Snatching it with a joy like they had just successfully done something significant. I had 5-7 cops surrounding me in a semi circle after arriving at the Jail as I prepared to go inside a cell. They even shackled my feet. I know from watching cops and the like on YouTube to always exercise the right to remain silent. There was nothing I could do or say at that point which would help and I definitely didn’t resist the arrest so it really must’ve been a slow day. Eh guys? That and/or the overly incompetent rookie had relayed to his colleagues and obviously his Superiors to get the raid and arrest warrant his own personal story that he had recreated. Unfriggenbelieveable! It’s SO ABSURD THERE IS NO PROPER WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW IT FEELS TO GO THROUGH THIS! Doing something I considered not just “Right”, but Honourable, Justified, and definitely NOT illegal! How the hell did a JUDGE sign an arrest AND RAID Warrant on me with ZERO evidence, physical, concrete, or even circumstantial?? Not a single reason lawfully or otherwise for them to raid, arrest, shackle my feet and throw me in a jail cell for hours, and then criminally charge me with “Luring of a Minor”. Evidently, according to this news article the police had conducted a Six Month Investigation. Huh? Of What?! On Who?!
Now, Finally, The News Article: The information printed in any news article requires a source, so all of this information had to have only been provided by the police department. This article was printed at 9 in the morning the very next day of the arrest and raid. So of course this was all information provided from police.

This is what the dumbass, rookie, ignorant cop fabricated for no actual real reason: 

“Two men were arrested yesterday after a Six Month long Investigation revealed that the men had ‘BOTH’ believed that they were speaking with a ‘13’ year old boy online. Registered sex offender (the real predators name) and another known sex offender ( my name) are each charged with Luring of a Minor. (Real predators name again) is also charged with using an electronic device to lure a Minor, and breach of probation.”

My LandLord happened to be home at the time of the Raid, and he had also (I guess being suspicious after the raid,) read the article online which is quoted directly above. 

Which meant that he would be evicting me from the property, and I can’t blame him. With that article being read by my roommates and hisself I can’t really blame him for that either.
The charges against myself were eventually dropped, of course. About 18 months later! My phone being confiscated in the raid in order to access everything on there was also given back to me. They played immature and unprofessional games with that as well; returning my property. Such as : come in this day, your phone is ready to be released now. Show up. “Oh so and so thought it was ready but we don’t have it yet.” Weeks later. Get another call saying it is in fact ready now. Show up. “There is no one working in the evidence locker today, there will be in two days.” Screw them! I show up ten days late and what do you know? My property is actually there for me, and I finally get it back. Of course having had to purchase new phone in the meantime. Worse yet, I can’t recall the password and it was before facial recognition (not like that would matter) and after the fingerprint touch button. So it’s just a brick now.
That’s the least of my concern, as that bullshit article remains up, and the YouTube video had been taken down for some privacy violation nonsense.
After paying the criminal defence attorneys’ invoice(s), I couldn’t afford the 6K being asked by EVERY attorney I had reached out to.
So there, that’s one of many of my Unbelievably Insane Life’s stories. I suppose I didn’t provide the short version. Even though I have sincerely tried to keep it all to a minimum by leaving out plenty of details and significant events, this ended up being the Mid Length version.

I was diagnosed stage 3 NSC Lung cancer almost four years ago (36 yo male). Family situation was/is My dad lives here in Ohio and so does my brother (34) . My sister (38) lives in Chicago. My mom lives in Florida it comes up here for the summers. I was always close with my family and coworkers before I was diagnosed. I had that overwhelming wave of support you get when everyone you know finds out your cancer. It was all phone calls, texts, and emails for the most part. My diagnosis wasn’t the best as the cancer had spread to my adrenal gland and lymph nodes. My dad really stepped up and he was my rock. I’m lucky I had him during that time. He drove me to chemo the first couple of treatments and sat in on the dr appointments as a second ear. I was going to be doing 5 rounds of chemo every three weeks and immunotherapy for 12. The chemo killed the tumor so they cut out the upper lobe of my right lung. Immunotherapy wasn’t great but I got through it.
I was incredibly happy that I survived it all and got back to work. However some things really bothered me such as my mom never came back home during my chemo. She came home for my lobectomy in November 2020 and visited me in the hospital and held my hand like I was her baby boy again when they removed all the breathing , catheters, and drainage tubes. When I got home I noticed phone calls and texts weren’t coming in. It also bothered me that my sister never came to see me and she’s about four hours away but not four days. My brother was in town and only came once during the year of treatment.
Another thing that bothered me is none of my coworkers would call or text during my time off. I really worried when I got a letter from my employer of ten years that I was terminated. It was a really tough time and I was on so much medication and my whole routine was sitting on the couch and watching YouTube. I slowly descended into a very dark place and became scared of going in public places because I thought people were staring at me because I looked so sickly and dying. My bank account was getting down to nothing and I asked for my old position back and luckily they hired me again. It was excruciatingly difficult physically and emotionally to sell cars that hot summer of 2021. I had heat stroke three months of being back and thought I was done. I was really sick and weak. I was miserable with so many things. When I did see my family I’m sure that attitude wore off and I soon was getting comments that I was too negative.
My kids mom hates me and was in cancer research and sent me this factoid sheet from the American Cancer Association that said my five year survival odds were 3%. She said I was wasting my time I had left. She fueled my fire to live just to prove her wrong but at this point my kid wanted me to die because he thought he’d get lots of life insurance money. Then I had to take custody unexpectedly of that same kid who wanted nothing to do with me. I was barely selling enough cars to keep my job and now had to take care of and raise a 13 year old with angst. That’s when my family truly disappeared and I think it’s because they’re worried my cancer would cone back then they’d have to care for my kid.
Fast forward to now and my son is reunited with his mom. His and my relationship has never been better after getting to spend 16 months living together. My health is I’m still alive obviously but my lungs are getting much weaker and my volume is shrinking and i also originally diagnosed late stage copd and have to take steroids to help me breathe. So my health is back on the downslope and my family is completely gone. My dad never calls or talks to me, and neither do my brother or sister. I see my mom once every couple of months when she’s home from Florida . We’ll go to Cracker Barrel and she’ll give me this half disgusted look and I get about 45 minutes of her time
I’m just sad that they’re gone but realized they’re kind of not the best family so I might be better. I truly believe they were looking at my custody and health situation as a hot potato so they all ran for the hills. Now with my breathing is getting more and more along with seizures it’s difficult and it’s real I’m going to die young and possibly soon. it’s really effecting my memory and stamina. I get confused and need naps. Its sometimes an insurmountable task for me to go greet a customer on the lot and begin the five hour process of selling a car and getting dirty looks from customers because I look like shit because well Ive been through some stuff. My sales are failing and they want me gone. I need health insurance and what little money I do make to support my son. Im worried all this financial, parental, and physical stress is going to bring back my cancer just because im stressed and just feel hopeless. I think of how I’ll die from COPD and how horrifying it seems to die that way. With my family gone and my coworkers wanting me gone I know it will be alone or at a state hospital with some hospice nurse I have no clue is. I don’t look for your pity but I’d like any advice you might have to how I can find solace in this lonely isolated place I’m trapped in. I’m angry at my family but I love them.I feel like I was supposed to die and even though I didn’t die then physically I died to them mentally. Maybe it’s too tough to watch someone you love struggle and know you’ll have to do it again
The only thing besides spending time with my son that really makes me happy is painting. During all of this I somehow found out I love to paint and since a June 2022 I’ve painted a couple of hundred paintings. Painting gives me hope.

tl;tr what is my life (Leaving note at the top of my post cause post is too long lol) Note 1: Didn't expect for the post to be that long. I apologize for any grammatical errors or incoherences, don't have the energy to read proof everything, took me almost 4 hours to write.
Note 2: Before you guys suggest therapy. I do believe in mental health and always wanted to go see a therapist but you hear a lot of horror stories about therapists where I live. Like a friend of mine went to see one at one point and he literally told her "you are too dramatic and you are lying. There is no way you feel the way you say you do". Plus even if I manage to find a good one they are expensive as fuck.
Note 3: Moving out isn't a solution either at the moment cause can't afford it. Plus it is hard to find somewhere to rent as a fairly young bachelor in a conservative country plus if they do rent to young people the apartments are usually falling apart, they over charge and you would end up with like 7 other roommates in a 3 bedrooms apartment.
I don't really know where to start since it is 1 am where I live and I am exhausted. But yeah, basically I think that I might not be a good person? that I might be a bit of an asshole and also a loser? I am not sure.
The situation that I am facing right now is that I am 29, jobless, 5 years into my PhD that i wanted to quit for a while now, live with my mom and aunt (I live in a place when it is normal for someone to live with their parents or family in their 20s or 30s, people usually only move out if they either get married or their job isn't close to where their parents live). I am really unhappy with my life, with how I usually handle things and with how I turned out.
I graduated university at 23, got my first job as a phone repair technician few months after graduating, got pressured into doing a PhD but at the same time I was like "why not?". Wasn't a fan of my job anyway and I haven't heard from the couple of interviews I have been to. I was excited to start doing academic research actually, but as soon as I got accepted things started going downhill. Our lab director passed away before we got assigned out subjects and supervisors, then COVID lock down, my dad passed away from COVID, my supervisor retired and I got assigned a new one that is clueless, they wouldn't let me stay at the dorms during my third year cause "of the volume of new students they received that year" according to them, decided to teach a class during the first semester of last year so I would have to stay close to our lab that entire time. I didn't make much progress. Nowadays I feel burnt out and I stopped trying. When people ask me about my PhD I lie and tell them that I am almost done. I have been to quite a few job interview during the past few years but they never called back. Had some projects in mind that were good business ideas imo but whenever I started I would never go through with them cause of the stress PhD is causing me. Never been good under pressure.
As for my relationships, I will start with my parents. We have had my fair-chair of big and small arguments in my teen and adult years, but I have always had a good relationship with them and I loved them. Now, since my dad passed away my mom, sister and I became really close (or closer than we already were). Then my aunt moved in with us a little while after that (due to some personal stuff), everything was good and well at first but the thing is I live in a conservative country, in a very conservative city and my aunt is super old school and she got an influence over my mom who has become super controlling which caused some friction between us for the past few years but especially during the past year and it has gotten worse during the past couple of days (well I wouldn't put the issue entirely on her cause my mom has always nosy and controlling but she would stop if you talked to her). Now when I say controlling and nosy I mean she is trying to control everything even what I wear, and whenever I am talking to the phone she always comes into my room to know who I am talking to. Sometimes she acts like she is disciplining a 15 yo and not talking to a grown man. I have always given up a small part of my independence since my parents were sheltering me, I have had a couple of friends telling me I shouldn't when we were younger and I was always like "nah, it's fine". Well now that I am trying to get 100% of my independence and autonomy back and receiving a big push back I am starting to understand what they meant.
Now to my friends. Well, I should start by saying that during my teen years I did have friends but I had a lot of difficulties connecting with people or knowing how to react during social situations which also lead to me being bullied quite a lot up until I was around 19/20. During my uni years and early 20s things have gotten better all of a sudden, I was less shy, it was easier to talk to people and to know how to react to different situations, it was easier to make new friend and my relationships with the couple of friends I made during middle school and high school was great. Even my old bullies became respectful and would stop for a chat whenever they saw me. It got me thinking "maybe that's how it is like to turn into an adult" at some point. Now I have made quite a few friends from a couple of groups I hang out with, and I like to think that I am pretty close to most of them or at least was. The thing is that over the years some of them either criticize my quirks or tease me which I always thought was fine, I would either answer them back jokingly, take their criticism seriously and try to work on myself depending on what the quirk is or just ignore them. The problem is that over the year some of my friends have started to either take themselves or their teasing too far. Sometimes it just feels like they are walking over me. Like that one friend who always lectures me "about being a grown ass man" (and in a mean way might I add, he literally screams at me) just because I haven't seen him while outside, because I only drive inside our town (because I am not that good of a driver, I used to get extreme anxiety just being behind a wheel)(he lectured me 3 times during the same day last month and 2 of them was in front of mutual friends) or that one time he berated me about something that I thought so stupid that I made a joke and his literal answer was "shut the fuck up and listen to me when I am talking to you, I am older than you (by 2 months), I have more experience than you (cause he moved abroad) and I know better than you". Or when that group of friends that tried to catfish me at one point (they did a very bad job btw). Or that other friend that does fucked up shit or says hurtful things and his out of jail card is literally "it was just a prank bro". Like whenever I tell him the smoke from his cigarettes his bothering me he literally blows smoke on my face, or that time he threw a lit cigarette butt on me and it ruined my pants, or when we were complaining about or PhDs (he used to be a PhD student) and he told me "you stagnating so you wish for people to go backwards so it would feel like you are making progress" or that time were he told a mutual acquaintance that "I was a simp"(which I am lol) and that "I stuck to girls like glue". And sure enough whenever I stop talking to him his response would be "it was just a joke", or when I loaned him money cause he had money issues few years back he has promised me several times that he would pay me back after he gets paid for jobs he is doing but then when I ask him again he is like "Why didn't you ask me 2 days ago I used it to pay back few debts. You are the only debt I have left.". He has done the same thing over the past few years and given me the exact same answer each time. Until, I told him last year that it was okay if he didn't pay me back cause he had to loan a big amount to pay for his parents' rent .
Now I am not sure the way I respond to those situations is the healthiest. My go to strategy is to just go home and not talk to them for a while. The most recent example is from last weeks. I have a friend that always asks me to download softwares for him, to install them and set them up. Honestly I didn't mind it at first but he does it so often that it has become annoying and it feels like I can't refuse cause he always says "if I am bothering you that is okay", plus whenever he sits next to me while I work on his PC he goes on rants I don't want to hear about. Anyway, he is a PhD student and he asked me to help him with a paper he is working on cause it is overlapping with my field, I didn't mind. Then, he called me the other day and asked if I could meet him immediately, I accepted (to be fair to him he did ask me if I was going to take a lot of time to arrive, I answered with "no" then it did take me 25 minutes more than it should have) and when I called him to tell him I was almost there he answered with "are you kidding me? I don't have time", I just hang up before he could finish his sentence and went back home. Or two voice messages I impulsively sent yesterday cause I was really upset and needed to let my anger out one way or another. The first one was to the "it was just a prank, bro" dude, I lent him some more money few months ago that he promised he would pay back by the end of 2023 and still hasn't. The message went like this "give me back my money or I will kick you in the balls and break your nose" (it sounded cooler in my language lol. And I want to add that he would definitely win in a fight. ). It wasn't about the money I was just tired of him and would get upset every-time I would think about the way he is treating me. Then I followed up with another message calling him a parasite. The second one was to the dude who always berates me. Despite the way he treats he considers me as a best friend, so I have been thinking about sending him a message for the past 2 weeks explaining to him that I didn't like the way he treated me. But because I was angry the message went like this "Go fuck yourself, and fuck your so called advice. You are just trying to enforce some random criteria you have made up on me. Let me give you the same advice you give me, you are a 30 yo man so it would be about time you came back to reality and to close your asshole (which is a rude way of saying you have got a big head in my language). Also shut the fuck up.". Needless to say that he was confused and tried to call me and left me like 2 voice messages that I ignored (cause I wasn't feeling like hearing from anyone) and a screenshot from his note app saying that he was sorry that I felt that way and that he considered me like a good friend and that I was a good guy (I haven't read everything). He probably tried to contact me today, but I can't be sure cause I spent the entire day messing with my phone and installing different ROMS (OS). But yeah, I received an SMS from him few hours ago saying that he was going to press charge for "defamation and mental distress " (I think that is the correct translation), which I thought was ridiculous plus he is not the kind to press charges. But then, he has people in his life that he respects a lot and if they advised him to he would definitely do it. Plus he used the number he uses when he comes to our country to text me, on the other hand the country he is at is close enough that he could just text me from that number. I mean I think it would be ridiculous to press charges for that voice mail lol, but again some stupid law got voted few months ago that if you were caught cussing that could cause you up to 6 months of jail, and I definitely cussed. Oh and he also followed with "we obviously don't deal with conflicts the same way. There is the dirty way then there is the smart way" (Again not sure about the translation so I am using the literal one). When I saw it I was like "there is no way I am not ignoring you now"
If you managed to read the whole thing I thank you, I feel a lot better, I mean it still feels like the earth is about to swallow me whole but I still weirdly feel calm about it lol.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/bomblebeeee
Originally posted to relationship_advice + TrueOffMyChest
My (28f) fiance (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: abandonment, mentions of mental health issues, emotional abuse and manipulation
My (28f) fiancé (30m) is ghosting me on our wedding day. How can I calm my anxiety?: May 1, 2024
TLDR at the bottom.
(28f) am getting married today to my fiance (30m). It's the legal document signing and our ceremony is on Saturday. I haven't slept in 24 hours I just am feeling so much anxiety.
For reference we were togetheliving together for about 3 years before becoming long distance for one and a half years. I'm back in the country for a week to visit him and family and to have our wedding.
For the last month he has been ghosting me for sometimes even weeks at a time. I know it's because he's going through a mental health crisis, but no matter how much I tell him his actions are causing me pain and straining our communication, he can't change. When he goes through rough times he absolutely shuts down for everyone, especially me. It hurts so much every time knowing that even the person he says is his best friend and future wife, he doesn't trust or respect enough to share or ease his pain.
I thought coming back to the country and the marriage would wake him up from his ghosting tendencies this past month, but it's not. He had a very important meeting at work yesterday that either meant he'd get a raise or be unemployed, and now I don't hear anything from him at all. He's ignoring my calls, he's ignoring my texts (and there are read receipts so I know it's intentionally ignored). It's the morning of, and we are literally set to sign our marriage paperwork in a few hours from now. But I was up all night because I can't shake the anxiety that this isn't what he wants. That hes just doing this to "appease" me despite this being a joint decision.
I still can't even get a hold or reach him. I try so hard to communicate everything with him, but this hurts me deeply, down to my core. Part of me wants to drive over to his apartment and beat his door down and just demand answers as to how he could treat someone he claims he loves this way. But I know he'd just shut down further, say he's sorry, and then bury himself deeper into his guilt and depression.
How can I be supportive through his mental health crisis while also keeping firm on the "this is 500000% some disrespectful and harmful behavior that is absolutely unacceptable" in my opinion. When we were about to be long distance he begged me to try it out because I knew his inability to properly communicate his feelings would be miserable over long distance. But he begged me and promised he would change. I would say he did improve but if this last month has shown me anything it's that I'm about to marry someone who has no qualms and sees no consequence in ghosting your spouse for weeks at a time.
This whole thing gives me so much anxiety I have no idea what to do. Any advice on how to calm my anxiety or maybe try to be more supportive to coax him out of the horrid way his depressive episode is manifesting would be greatly appreciated.
Before I forget, yes of course I've tried to get him to see a therapist or get on medication. For years. There is basically a 0% chance that, if it's coming from me or anyone in my family, he would ever listen to that advice. It's incredibly frustrating and not an option that I can even bring up with him anymore without the conversation devolving and him shutting me out even further.
(I will not be tolerating or responding to any accusations of him cheating or people just saying don't marry him. He is loyal but has a multitude of mental health issues, and I will marry him regardless of what anyone says on the internet. I just want some advice is all.)
TLDR: My fiance keeps ghosting me for weeks at a time and he's doing it again even on the day we are getting married which is causing me insane anxiety.
Edit: I won't be reading anything anymore, and please stop messaging me. If you see a woman who is genuinely struggling with something and clearly has no one else to turn to for advice other than random people on the internet and your response is to ridicule her and call her an idiot.... Then congratulations my last idea of seeking help has failed. Clearly I had no one else to go to, it's my wedding day and I'm on reddit. I don't know why I expected anything less than hate messages and ridicule. Maybe there isn't some magic way to help him through this period of grief, but I didn't think I deserved to be sent all these cruel messages so instantly. To the people messaging me and calling stupid, idiotic, doormat, and that I deserve whatever unhappy life awaits me, you've won.
Relevant Comments
Icy-Original: He’s been ghosting you for the last month and you thought marriage would fix this? You don’t want anyone here to tell you not to marry him when that’s the most logical and smart decision here. You’ve created your own misery and are determined to continue doing so so what do you want from us? We can’t make him unghost you and we can’t make you feel better about this decision you know is dumb as hell. You have a man with mental health problems that refuses to get help, that’s causing severe relationship issues and you’re willingly signing yourself up, aligning yourself legally to have more of these problems till death do you part? When you have kids and he ghost you then what are you going to do? I hope you get what you deserve from this situation. Whatever that entails.

OOP: This marriage has been planned for much longer than just the last month. It wasn't some solution I created by myself. And it isn't no contact for the whole month. Just a week of no contact before he comes back and apologizes for the absence due to unavoidable life events. Then contact for a week before another week of no contact before something else comes up. We spent the whole day together 3 days ago, but because of the meeting yesterday it's now been a day and a half of nothing again. To answer your question of what I'd like, compassion and actual helpful advice was what I was searching for. Not judgement and malice.

 
I was left at the altar yesterday: May 2, 2024
My life was great. My relationship was great. Until yesterday it suddenly wasn't. The last month felt a bit off but I didn't think it would lead to this. I still love him intensely. He still loves me intensely. He wants to stay with me it's just that he says he can't do marriage because he can't untie the trauma he has from the idea of it from his childhood (cult stuff).
My mom says I'll be a pathetic fucking loser if I still stay with him regardless and that he'll never be a part of the family. But I want to stay with him regardless. But I don't know if I can live with the constant fear, anxiety, and insecurites that will come from being with someone who can just leave whenever he feels like it.
My wedding is on Saturday and my family still wants to have it since it's more of a small family gathering already anyways (since his family wasn't invited due to cult stuff). My life as I know it feels completely over. I don't know what to do. The person I turned to for empathy and compassion turned to me screaming that I'm a fucking idiot. I'm only in the country for my wedding, I live abroad. My new job and my fiancee pressured me and reassured me I should already use my new married name professionally. I'm a teacher and all my kids already know me as his name.
Everything sucks and I can't stop sobbing.
Edit: to clarify. He left me while we were about to sign the marriage certificate. It's a symbolic left at the altar since there was never going to be an actual altar anyway.
Update: I told my mom that the way she phrased her advice/opinion was cruel. She told me she's tired of my drama and doesn't need it in her old age. I already had told her she was right and I knew what she said was right, but just that the way she said it was cruel. She said she no longer cares about maintaining a relationship with me and that it isn't worth the drama at her age. I apologized because she's right. I'm a piece of shit who never saw that this situation hurt and humiliated her too. I wanted to just have this be a nice party with friends and just spend time together. I'm going to try my best to keep my negativity inside so it doesn't spoil the mood and maybe there's a hope to salvage it as a good party. But I think once I return abroad that this will be the last time my mom will ever speak to me again. I don't know how I could repay her for all she spent on this wedding, but hopefully removing myself from her life will maybe make her life more peaceful and less stressful, even if it destroys me.
As for him, thank you all so much for your kindness, advice, and perspectives. It truly makes me feel better to read the comments even if they hurt and I deserve it. We will be talking about it tomorrow in person, and I've scheduled an emergency therapy appointment for myself for tomorrow morning. Ive never done therapy before, and I'm scared, but I know it's what I need. I'm so angry at him for ruining my entire life that I don't know if the love I have can salvage this.
Relevant Comments
Geezell: No, hon. You can’t be with someone who cannot effectively communicate their fears and needs and, instead, choose to run. He failed you. He does not get to treat you like that. You deserve better. Your Mom may have let her anger for you make her word things poorly but she is right….that dude does not get to have his cake and eat it too.
Go back home. Go no contact with him. Finish out the teaching contract as it. Then, my recommendation is to find a teaching job in a dream location. Maybe, be a traveling teacher for a few years. Heal. Live big. And, if you wish, find love again.

OOP: I am a travelling teacher already. I'm home right now just for the week so that I could do my wedding. Back to where I live abroad next week to live a life of isolation and loneliness.

thunderchaud: Please elaborate on cult stuff, that could literally be anything

OOP: He's seen marriage used as a way to entrap and oppress women due to the cult culture of his family. He doesn't understand that what he's done is created a tilted power dynamic where he's holding all the power and autonomy and I'm the scared, anxiety riddled one terrified he'll leave at any moment in any possible future we may have now. Which is honestly worse in my opinion.

detikripur: So many questions but at the top of my head is these: why did he agree to “marry” you? Why were you using a name that wasn’t yours for so long that your students know you by that name? Haven’t you talked beforehand with him? Was this relationship one sided?

OOP: He asked me to marry him. My job told me to start using his name because the school year started in April and I would be changing my name in May. I said no it felt like I'd jinx it. I called him and he said stop being such an over thinker and just use my name. I talked with him, he reassured me. It's been 3 weeks that my kids know me as that name. And to be honest yes it does feel one sided. But not in the way you're implying.

 
Update: I was left at the altar yesterday: May 8, 2024
For a brief recap, I was going to the officiant to sign my marriage license with my fiance (who I'd been with for 4 years). He chickened out and said he couldn't marry me and ruptured my image of us. TLDR at bottom.
On to the update. Since I was so brutally humiliated, it really made me think back on all the not great parts of us. He was always very gaslighty whenever I'd claim his actions reflected the opposite of his words (I respect you, I care for you). So I ended up talking to him. I asked him to define what his definition of loving someone, respecting someone, caring for someone, and trusting someone means. Needless to say they were twisted and not healthy at all. I tried to make him see that and he had a few moments of holy shit I think you're right, I don't actually trust or respect you.
Now just because he admitted it didn't mean the crazy selfish actions didn't continue throughout the entirety of the conversation. It was so crazy how I'd never been able to articulate it in a way to where he actually understood before. He actually had the gall to say "Wow we should have had this conversation a long time ago" because of how much he was realizing he was treating me like trash then gaslighting me about it. I was like bitch I've been trying to tell you this for years but you never respected me enough to listen and I was always too emotional to articulate it properly.
Anyways, he wanted to do marriage counseling with the intent to marry at the end. I told him I'd rather break up because the power dynamic is too shifted and I don't feel like it's salvageable. With how he was listening to me and finally acknowledging and understanding me and his own actions I was hopeful for maybe a friendship one day in the distant future. But after a teary, bittersweet goodbye, he absolutely ruined it with yet another selfish action right at the last moment.
I didn't want to be touched or do physical affection for multiple reasons. One of the main reasons being he uses it for comfort when he's feeling sorry for himself. I had just spent 3 hours explaining how he never thinks of me in any of his actions, and maybe it's cruel of me to keep that last kiss or whatever, but it felt selfish and manipulative to me. So after an actually heartfelt goodbye and promise to be better people in the future, we part ways. Only for him to run back to me to try and do some romantic swoop in and kiss me. I recoiled really fast and honestly just stared at him incredulously. Like he had just ignored everything I had just said. That was the moment I went from sadness and grief from losing something so important to me, to just numb and angry about it.
I haven't cried since, I don't even feel sad when I think about him because all I can think about is how angry the whole thing makes me feel. I'm 28 and feel like I wasted my good years on someone who had zero regard for me in any capacity. I developed so many new insecurities, confidence issues, and trauma from 4 years with him and now I have to navigate the dating pool again with all of that (in a foreign country no less!)
TLDR: I broke up with him and I'm just angry now.
Relevant/Top Comments
Libra_8118: How are you and your mom doing? It sounds like you left your home and family for him. Are you thinking of coming back home?

OOP: Both my family and him are in America. I left for me, my dreams, and career. I'm actually thankful that I can go back abroad to be away from him and honestly I need some time away from my mom as well.

Forward-Cockroach945: Bravo I'm so proud of you for finally ending it with him. It's likely he only "understands" you now as a form of gaslighting and trying to placate you . I know it hurts now but with time you will heal and be stronger. Don't worry about dating right now, worry about loving yourself and nurturing yourself. Give yourself all the love support and understanding you normally gave to him. You deserve it. I hope your therapy visits go well and help you build up your self worth and bullshit detector. I'm so glad to hear you took the right steps towards a healthier happier life
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Hi, below you will find my story, and something I am struggling to understand. Is it an 'awakening'? Let me know.
I just finished divorce court, and went to the airport to fly back home to another country. My first leg was delayed which made me miss my second international leg. I arrived in the airport for my second leg and went to customer service to get help on re-booking my missed flight. That's when I saw a woman next to me with her phone out showing the same destination. I was curious if she knew something I didn't. Little did I know she would know, feel, and be everything that I am..
We talked for 5 hours waiting for our bags, and wouldn't separate. When I helped her book a hotel so she could leave, she didn't. She layer told me she didn't want to leave my side. That night we took a taxi to the same hotel with separate rooms. In the morning we met again, and left for the airport to go on the same rebooked flight. We spent the next 8 hours talking. It felt like I knew her. She was and is part of my family..the values, perspectices, and personality I have.
We arrive in the destination country which is my home, but a vacation for her with many other stops. I texted her to see her for one drink if she can split from her friend. We met a couple days later and I can't remember what we talked about, but all I can remember is her light, or energy around her.
I don't know much about spirituality by the way. Nothing.
She gets back, and we video chat. We agree on a trip within a couple months.
Here we are, on this trip. It's amazing....but I'm lost. She's told me her family isnhighly spiritual and believes in dimensions and mediums of which is new to me, but relatively I agree conceptually anyway, just with different words.
On the 3rd day of this trip I wake up missing her, although she's in the 2nd bedroom of this apartment we booked. 12 feet away. I meditate outside, and a strong sensation comes through in my chest. Not butterflies - I've had butterflies many times, but this was a fire warming my chest, a flame symbol.
I've loved many times before, I've married. Divorced. When I google "flame feelings with woman" I landed on TWIN FLAMES.
Coincidentally, that night I felt like she may not have the same level of interest. I chose to suppress my feelings and play it cool. I shifted my energy to stop showing so much love & affection.
That night I went to bed, woke up 1.5 hours later with my chest burning. The fire was back..I'm writing this now wide awake crying with emotion that I can't hold back. The more I try to suppress.it, the stronger it fights back.
I've never felt anything like this in my life.
My question to you all:
How do I know this isn't some irrationally honeymoon phase that I'm going to regret? Or worse, that we both believe in this 'idea of' what the relationship is instead of remaining logical.
Anyway, in a few hours I'm going to share this with her....I am happy if she doesn't feel the same way, but would be terrified if she does.
🔥 🔥

I’m venting but also looking for advice.
My husband has decided that his needs are more important than fighting for our little family. (32m and 33f) I am suffering from severe postpartum depression I’m currently in therapy. We have both neglected each other. (We have been together for 6years and married 2 he was supposed to be my soul mate I loved him so deeply he was the one my soul loved )
My husband has had an affair with three women: 1) was a girl form the gym, she asked him to come over early in the morning. we live far from his work right now (at my parents house ) so he would get up around 345am to go to the gym. At first he said yes but decided not to go, but spilled all of our dirty laundry to her. So now she’s just waiting in the winds.
2) is an ex-girlfriend that he dated well over 10 years ago. That maybe bisexual, but she still sends him explicit text messages that are his fetish themed, especially on his birthday, our anniversary and when she gets into a fight with her wife.
3) now girl number three is the worst part. She works with my husband and they are having an emotional affair. They have allegedly only kissed once but the time that they did they kiss like how I used to kiss my husband.( with 3 little playful kisses) she also has a daughter that’s elementary school age. And they have text messages talking about being a family with my son and he has sent her pictures of our son and she sent pictures of her daughter to him. He has said he can’t wait to show her daughter what it’s like to have a real daddy, but here’s the kicker he doesn’t do the bare minimum when it comes to our son. Ohh and they sent each other nudes… and sexted Sometime I get these moments where my heart is racing and I just know they are together.
You maybe wondering how I found all this out? Well I went through his phone the one night while he was asleep and found all of it. Woke him up and kicked him out. We have been separated for about a month now.
I still have all these feelings: loving him, hating him, being hurt, mad, sad, disappointed, in this place of awe/disbelief (like how is this my life). Does this ever get easier, how do you move forward?
He is acting so entitled and just in his actions, why can’t he see what he’s done to our son to our family, how can he just walk away without fighting for us?

This question is a 2 and 2 halves parter
Part 1: Has anyone ever looked into Splash Fabric?
It’s supposed to be a nontoxic water resistant cloth, like for a tablecloth. It’s laminated cotton: “100% cotton with a water based polyurethane coating.”
https://splashfabric.com/pages/not-your-grandmas-oilcloth
The website says it’s eco friendly and non toxic and that it’s Oeko-Tex certified. So if it’s Oeko-Tex certified, then presumably it’s safe for humans. Even if that’s true, would it shed microplastics? It’s supposed to be machine washable.
Part 1 and a half: I’ve seen Oeko-Tex on a lot of things since I started looking for plastic free stuff. Is it trustworthy?
Part 1 and another half: while searching for answers I came across two sisters ecotextiles
https://www.twosistersecotextiles.com/pages/are-not-all-fabrics-safe#:~:text=The%20fabrics%20we%20bring%20into,some%20absorb%20through%20our%20skin.
And they’re telling me that stuff listed as 100% cotton can be more like 73% cotton and 27% sht. I also saw someone in this sub say something about 100% wool stuff being treated with a ton of sht they don’t disclose. So how do I know what anything is?? Are there trustworthy brands and/or certifications anyone here typically uses? How do you decide what to trust?
Part 2: The whole point of this rabbit hole is to find a surface to cover my stove. I often go down rabbit holes finding really complicated solutions for things and completely missing a simple solution that I would like better, so I’m just gonna explain my use case and see if anyone has an idea I’d like better.
So I currently live in an apartment with a built in microwave above the stove. This is usually the case anywhere I live. I cook very infrequently but use the microwave all the time and I’m tired of accidentally making a mess of the stove while I’m dealing with the microwave and also tired of not having a flat working surface under the microwave.
My solution: put a wood cutting board under the microwave. Most options the size I want seem to be bad quality or super expensive. So I found some nice wooden cutting boards on IKEA that are the perfect size to have two side by side on the stove. (Don’t worry about safety, I don’t have the pilot light type of stove and I’m going to remove the knobs to prevent accidentally turning on the gas. The knobs will be nearby for when I need them. Or I’ll get safety covers or something. Tell me if this is a dumb idea and I’m still being unsafe please.)
Great, now I have nice cutting boards which I will also use very infrequently but are good to have. But now I have another surface to worry about dirtying and a potential gap in between the boards for food to fall into and make a mess on the stove. The idea of having to maintain the wood with oil or something stresses me out but I like the idea of having cutting boards when I need them and glass feels unwieldy, so I figured I’d stick with the boards and see if I could find a water resistant tablecloth type material, hence the question about Splash Fabric. I figure I could get a few pieces of fabric the size I want and use them on the stove or anywhere I need to protect a surface and I can just put them in the wash when I need to. And they’d be multipurpose.
So that’s where I’m at now. Thanks for visiting the inside of my brain.
Let me know any thoughts you want to share, thank you.
TLDR: splash fabric microplastics???
Also coincidentally someone just posted asking about cutting boards. I happened to find a helpful page though I haven’t fact checked it.
https://healthyhouseontheblock.com/non-toxic-cutting-boards.html#

As a Tarot Card Reader, my writing is often affected by the cards that I encounter. I was excited to learn the story behind the Major Arcana, and if you are interested in exploring more, start with these promotions questions that are based on those 22 cards and their themes.
I will post more, and I am also interested in a variety of spiritual traditions, religious texts and themes, as well as discussing these aspects of writing in genres that I am exploring.
As I stated, this group is only bound by whatever it's members want. If this isn't something you want to explore, simply scroll on by :)

1. Journey of the Fool: How can embracing unpredictability, like the Fool in the tarot, lead to unexpected personal growth?
   
2. Magician's Mastery: In what ways can we tap into our inner magician to manifest positive changes and opportunities in our lives?
   
3. High Priestess Wisdom: How can the intuition of the High Priestess guide us in making decisions aligned with our higher selves?
   
4. Emperor's Authority: Reflect on instances where embracing structure and authority, akin to the Emperor, has fostered personal growth and resilience.
   
5. Chariot's Triumph: How can the Chariot's victorious journey inspire us to navigate life's challenges with determination and grace?
   
6. Strength Within: Explore moments in your life where inner strength has emerged, taming challenges and fostering personal development.
   
7. Wheel of Fortune's Spin: Reflect on the cyclical nature of life. How has understanding the Wheel of Fortune influenced your perspective on ups and downs?
   
8. Justice Served: In what ways can embodying the principles of justice lead to personal growth and harmony in relationships?
   
9. Hanged Man's Perspective: Share an experience where embracing a different perspective, like the Hanged Man, brought unexpected insights and personal growth.
   
10. Death's Embrace: How has embracing transformation and letting go, akin to Death, paved the way for renewal and personal evolution?
    
11. Temperance Alchemy: Reflect on times when finding balance, like Temperance, has been a catalyst for spiritual and emotional growth.
    
12. Devil's Dilemma: Explore how confronting personal demons and temptations, similar to the Devil's dilemma, can lead to profound inner transformations.
    
13. Tower's Revelation: Share an experience where the Tower's upheaval shattered illusions, paving the way for profound personal insights and growth.
    
14. Starlit Path: How has following the guidance of the Star brought hope, inspiration, and spiritual growth into your life?
    
15. Moonlit Shadows: Reflect on navigating the unknown, as symbolized by the Moon. How has embracing uncertainty contributed to your personal development?
    
16. Sunshine Blessings: Explore the positive impact of basking in the warmth of the Sun's energy on your overall well-being and personal growth.
    
17. Judgment Day: Reflect on moments of self-awareness and reflection, similar to the Judgment card, leading to transformative spiritual growth.
    
18. Worldly Perspectives: How has understanding the interconnectedness of all things, represented by the World card, influenced your spiritual journey?
    
19. Tarot Archetypes Explored: Reflect on the archetypal themes present in tarot and how connecting with them has deepened your understanding of yourself and others.
    
20. Fool's Wisdom: Share a moment where embracing the Fool's journey into the unknown has led to valuable insights and personal growth.
    
21. Magician's Magic: How can harnessing the magic within, similar to the Magician, empower us to create positive change in our lives?
    
22. High Priestess' Veil: Reflect on times when tapping into your intuitive wisdom, like the High Priestess, has guided you on your spiritual path.
    
23. Empress' Embrace: Explore the nurturing aspects of the Empress. How has cultivating abundance and creativity led to emotional and spiritual growth?
    
24. Emperor's Legacy: Reflect on how establishing structure and a lasting legacy, similar to the Emperor, has contributed to your personal development.
    
25. Hierophant's Teachings: Share experiences where seeking wisdom from spiritual teachings, like the Hierophant, has provided guidance and growth.
    
26. Lovers' Harmony: How has experiencing deep connections and harmonious relationships, akin to the Lovers, impacted your emotional and spiritual well-being?
    
27. Chariot's Conquest: Reflect on moments where conquering challenges, like the Chariot, has empowered personal growth and resilience.
    
28. Strength Personified: Explore instances where tapping into your inner strength, akin to taming the lion, has led to personal triumphs and growth.
    
29. Hermit's Wisdom: Share experiences of seeking solitude and introspection, similar to the Hermit, and how it has contributed to personal insight and growth.
    
30. Wheel of Fortune's Spin: Reflect on the cyclical nature of life and how understanding the ebb and flow has influenced your perspective and personal development.
    
31. Justice Prevails: In what ways has embodying principles of fairness and justice led to personal growth and harmony in your relationships?
    
32. Hanged Man's Reflection: Share moments where surrendering to a different perspective, akin to the Hanged Man, brought unexpected insights and personal growth.
    
33. Death's Doorway: Explore experiences where embracing transformation and letting go, similar to Death, paved the way for renewal and profound personal evolution.
    
34. Temperance Alchemy: Reflect on times when finding balance, like Temperance, has been a catalyst for spiritual and emotional growth.
    
35. Devil's Dilemma: Explore how confronting personal demons and temptations, similar to the Devil's dilemma, can lead to profound inner transformations.
    
36. Tower's Revelation: Share an experience where the Tower's upheaval shattered illusions, paving the way for profound personal insights and growth.
    
37. Starlit Path: How has following the guidance of the Star brought hope, inspiration, and spiritual growth into your life?
    
38. Moonlit Mysteries: Reflect on navigating the unknown, as symbolized by the Moon. How has embracing uncertainty contributed to your personal development?
    
39. Sunlit Blessings: Explore the positive impact of basking in the warmth of the Sun's energy on your overall well-being and personal growth.
    
40. Judgment Day: Reflect on moments of self-awareness and reflection, similar to the Judgment card, leading to transformative spiritual growth.
    
41. Worldly Wonders: How has understanding the interconnectedness of all things, represented by the World card, influenced your spiritual journey?
    
42. Tarot Tales: Share personal stories of how engaging with tarot archetypes and narratives has deepened your self-awareness and personal growth.
    
43. Magician's Mastery: Reflect on moments where harnessing your innate abilities, like the Magician, has empowered you to overcome challenges and manifest positive changes.
    
44. High Priestess' Veil: Explore the wisdom gained through intuitive insights, similar to the High Priestess, and how it has guided you on your spiritual path.
    
45. Empress of Creation: Share experiences of cultivating abundance and creativity, akin to the Empress, and how it has contributed to emotional and spiritual growth.
    
46. Emperor's Dominion: Reflect on the impact of establishing structure and a lasting legacy, similar to the Emperor, on your personal development.
    
47. Hierophant's Teachings: Share insights gained from seeking wisdom through spiritual teachings, like the Hierophant, and how it has influenced your personal growth.
    
48. Lovers' Union: Explore the impact of deep connections and harmonious relationships, akin to the Lovers, on your emotional and spiritual well-being.
    
49. Chariot's Triumph: Reflect on moments where conquering challenges, like the Chariot, has empowered personal growth and resilience.
    
50. Strength Within: Share instances where tapping into your inner strength, akin to taming the lion, has led to personal triumphs
    

I would like to start this off by saying I'm sorry; this is a long one, and I appreciate any advice or help I can get. Also, to anyone willing to read this, thank you so much! I'm currently looking for a new job but having no luck, so I'm trying to also improve my current situation as much as I can.
I’m 28 and work in California for a school district in IT, and I love IT. The only problem is my boss. I've worked this job for almost 5 years now, and he has been the boss at this school district for almost 10 years. He's really good at the IT side of his job, but as a manager, not so much. He likes to call his employees morons, yell at and reprimand employees in front of coworkers. He's now caused several employees to quit or seek therapy (including myself). One time, I was sitting in my office working on a project, and he yelled across the office, "Gojo, get your ass in here," for the whole office to hear, and then proceeded to chew me out with the office door open and the entire office listening. He believes fear is a good management tool, which isn't really my style. His current thing to do is trying to pit us against each other and talk trash about other employees when they aren’t around. He micro manages everything you do and calls you stupid if you aren’t doing something exactly the way he wants you to. If there is a way you can save literally TWO seconds on a task and you aren’t doing it that way, he gets upset. After he does all of that, then he tries to be nice and talk about video games with you or buy the office food or let people go home 20 minutes early, but then it’s right back to the usual harassment.
Almost a year ago, I interviewed for and got the open Tech II position, promoted from Tech I. At the time, I was interested because I would learn a lot of things that would help me get different jobs, and it was a little more money. I regretted this promotion really early on. I dread coming to work and several times almost quit on the spot with no job lined up. Therapy has helped a lot with these emotions.
Outside of my boss being terrible, he also piles on work and gives the line, "You’re a Tech II now; you should be able to do all of this," or "You’re a Tech II; you have to figure out how to balance all the work." Currently, I’m balancing 12 projects, providing tech support for our district office, working as an escalation point for our Tech I’s(we have 4 soon to be 6 and they support 15 schools), and assisting our network admin with his projects. While I’m trying to do all that, my boss is also yelling from across the hall, adding more tasks that he needs me to work on and needs to be done that day. As a Tech I, your main task was working on help tickets for about 3 schools, and then during the summer, you helped with some projects. This promotion got me a whole $2 an hour increase in pay.
I am currently working on getting a new job. I’m applying for city, county, and state IT positions, but they take months before they even start interviewing for those positions, and the entire process is taking a long time. In the meantime, I’m reaching out to my union to see if I’m able to demote back down to Tech I. That doesn’t help with the boss situation, but it does help with the lack of compensation for all the extra work.
As far as my boss goes, I want to report him to HR, but I have no physical evidence, and most of my coworkers are afraid. I’m starting to document in my notes every time he is inappropriate, the date and time of that incident, and who was a witness. He’s pretty smart about how he does everything, nothing in writing, no emails, or texts. If I do report him, it has to be enough to actually get him fired. I’ve been told teachers have reported him to HR in the past, then HR has told his boss, and then his boss tells him about who reported him, and nothing has ever come out of it. He likes to hire people new to the industry or really young people so they are less likely to push back at him or are too intimidated to report him. He has bragged to us several times about how if he ever did get fired he’s taking people down with him because he knows all the districts dirty secrets.
How can I legally obtain evidence of his abuse? What should I know about reporting bosses to HR? I don’t know what to do anymore. I really appreciate anyone who took the time to read through this. I have plenty more examples of his abuse if anyone needs more, this was already a really long post so I didn't want to add more.
TL:DR My boss is abusive and has made several people quiet. I’m being overworked and not being equally compensated. How do I Get him fired?

So disclaimer this is everything my roommate did when she lived with me from my perspective. Also this is a really long story because a lot happened, and I do tend to get sidetracked.
Before we became roommates, I had a situationship with this guy. Let’s call him John. John and I met in our first semester of college and hit it off right off the bat. John was a mutual friend of me and my psychotic roommate, which is how we were introduced. Let’s call her Shortstack. So Shortstack knew I had a thing for John, and was encouraging us to start a relationship which I thought was nice. Eventually, though, when there was a lull in our relationship she admitted to liking John, and I backed off because it was looking like a relationship between me and John wasn’t gonna happen. I did my best to subtly wingman and they ended up dating.
Right before they made it official, I had met someone new. We’ll call him Tim (I’m trying to use generic/default guy names to keep some anonymity). Tim and I hit it off right off the bat. He’s honestly the most genuine, talented, thoughtful, and interesting guy I’ve ever met. Anyway, right before John and Shortstack started dating, I got a text from Shortstack saying she had the hots for Tim and asked if I he was free game. I was a bit bothered by that, but she respected my answer when I politely told her that Tim and I had something good and I didn’t want anyone interfering. At least, I THOUGHT she respected my answer.
Almost a year later and I had asked Shortstack if she wanted to be my roommate so we could both live near school while not having to live on campus. Worst decision ever.
She moved in before I did, and when it was my turn to move in the place was an absolute disaster. Dirty clothes and empty Dominos boxes covered the floor. She had also set up her decorations all over the entire apartment (not really leaving any room for me, which was made worse by the fact that we shared a room, and the apartment was very tiny so we were basically living on top of each other). I brushed it off, but it never really got any better. Normally I wouldn’t be too upset, I’m not a huge neat freak or anything, but it peeved me that she would always point out any mess that I had made.
Here’s a list of some of her really gross habits: dirty underwear everywhere kept old dominos boxes everywhere would buy salads and let them expire and they would sit there until I took them out Refused to do any chores or contribute in any way our shower didn’t fully drain so hair was often left in the tub, but she never cleaned up after herself (meaning I was scrubbing her pubes out of the tub) Used tissues would be left on the ground Not flushing I never once saw her do laundry in the 6 months we lived together
I’m sure there’s more but these are just the ones that I remember. To be fair, here were my gross she took issue with: Leaving dishes in the sink for a long-ass time Letting my laundry basket overflow Walking around in a towel after I took a shower, even when her tinder dates were over (mostly cuz I didn’t give a shit and everything was covered, but I also understand that her glares when I would do that were a little deserved).
That was the easiest part of living with her that I had to deal with. It got so so so much worse, and slowly she started to reveal her true colours.
She had a job at a jewelry store, got fired. Moved to a job at a grocery store across the street, got fired. Bummed around for a few weeks, mostly just sitting on the couch doing arts and crafts. Tried a Zumba class, quit after 2 sessions. Finally she got hired at a movie theatre, but she would only work Friday and weekends. All the while a lot of new things were appearing in our apartment. New makeup, a makeup chair, a tiny plastic Dreamhouse, posters and picture frames, lights, you name it. She was also buying premade meals and continued to order Dominos and DoorDash, never making her own food.
That’s around the time I found a buried letter from our landlord saying she was 2 months behind on rent. (Also an honorable mention about her RGB lights, she would keep them on while I was trying to sleep, even when I had work in the morning which was most days and she’d throw a little hissy fit whenever I asked her to turn them off because it was midnight and I had to get up in a couple hours).
She would constantly be having guys over, but would never tell me, so I’d always come home to a stranger on our couch and I’d uncomfortably lock myself in our room. Walls were thin so I had to listen to her awful flirting and occasionally kissing noises. She had made a goal for herself to kiss at least 30 guys so she could write a book about it, one chapter for each guy. It’s funny because the book is coming out soon, I’m not gonna share the name because I don’t wanna promote an incel’s diary but if you happen to be one of the guys she wrote about, just know that she has said several times her type is “Generic kinda ugly white guys.” I don’t think that’s her type, I think she just says that because all of the super attractive guys she went after all shot her down so quick.
While she’s collecting “ugly-ish white guys” (her words), she has promised herself to some dude in the military overseas who has a ring with their initials carved into it (his name is Matt. I’m not censoring that because I genuinely hope he sees this even though chances are insanely slim. She’s Jodie-ing you my guy, and she wants to elope and marry you to piss her parents off and for financial benefits because she can’t keep a job).
ONTOP of all this, Tim (who at this point I had been with for over a year) would come over and visit sometimes. She was always miserable, but perked up and suddenly became so sweet and friendly whenever he was there. Tim kept trying to drop some social cues that he did not want to talk to her, but she ignored it. I also want to mention that Tim is incredibly attractive, physically and personality wise, which is the main reason I think that “ugly” isn’t actually her type, it’s just all she can get.
Oh quick mention one of her tinder guys was 17. She was close to 20 at the time. She said their age gap made her uncomfortable but she invited him over because she wanted to, and I quote, “lick his abs.” Take that as you will.
My breaking point with her was when I woke up one day with a random man in the room sleeping next to her. She let a random man from tinder have full unsupervised access to 2 unconscious girls and all of their valuable items. There’s more stuff she did but this is already super long so I’m going to leave it on this note. Let me know if you guys wanna hear the rest.

I’ve been typed in MBTI but as a multitude of different types, and only once by Socionicists before (is that a word?), but was in a very unhealthy mental place then and I’m not sure it was accurate. I've filled out the questionnaire and tried to be thorough, although I think it comes across as rather muddled in some points, so I'm happy to clarify any bits. Thanks in advance for any help or input!
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?

• I study medieval languages and literature and folklore at a PhD level. I came into this somewhat accidentally - I’ve always been interested in history (not solely medieval), but began to specialise a bit more and found I had a knack for picking up several dead languages quite quickly. I always say I came to it by accident, but that sort of downplays how much I love it, and how I’ve been obsessed with history since I was a child.
• I love getting perspectives from the past and thinking about different belief systems, how perspectives on the world have changed diachronically and vary geographically. I want to understand the people of the past, sort of as an example of innate archetypical humanity in incredibly varied contexts. Reading these texts helps me understand people I know, myself, and humanity as a whole better. I also love how varied my day can be - I go to new places each year, I work on different projects each month, and I solve different problems each day.
• I dislike some of the instability surrounding future jobs - although I’m in one of the best departments in the world for this topic, it can be very difficult to get a job post-PhD in academia, something that remains a worry despite not being an imminent problem to solve.

What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?

• I work a lot and my partner says I don’t know how to relax. So a lot of my “hobbies” are doing things like learning extra languages (I recently started German), specifically languages that will be useful for my future studies/work.
• I work out pretty consistently, a mix of strength-training and cardio. I try to keep it even (although I read somewhere that a 60/40 split is optimal, 50/50 is close enough). I do this for a mix of health benefits, stress-relief (possibly could be considered a health benefit) and vanity. I will drop workouts when work becomes too busy though (it’s not priority number one)
• I like rock-climbing and hiking when I can, but I don’t do this daily.
• I plan future travels and work, and I also really like organising social events, but most of that is centred around organising and helping run departmental events at the moment. Despite this, I can be a bit of a shut-in on a day-to-day basis.
• I also play video games as stress relief, if I’ve completed enough stuff in the day. Games like Skyrim, Ghost of Tsushima, etc.
• I also spend a lot of time on reddit reading about various topics related to fantasy novels or videogames, mythology, psychology and psychiatry, various personality-typing systems, true crime (although less into this one than the others) also watch youtube videos about such things.

What are your values, and why?

• I value determination, grit, and intelligence in friends quite a bit, and a sort of “can-do” optimism
• I value inclusivity, I dislike cliquish behaviour.
• I sort of don’t know how to describe this, but I find it annoying when people try to interfere in my work to suit their agenda - I value a sort of friendly “live and let live” mentality.
• Following on that, I value approaching people with an understanding rather than judgmental mindset

Describe your relationships with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?

• I am not super hands on with my family - I live on the other side of the world from them - but I do like them, and keep connected electronically and through weekly or fortnightly Skype calls. I sometimes feel that they don’t really understand my interests, but they do care and try to pay attention regardless, and I know they see me as somewhat distant, but they see that as a personality quirk rather than indicative of lack of affection.
• I don’t have a super large friend group at the moment but have in the past. I’m focussing on quality over quantity at the moment, after spending a lot of time working in nightlife earlier in my life and having the massive social circles.
• I appreciate that my friends are intelligent, passionate, well-travelled and ambitious people.
• I struggle sometimes when friends don’t take me into account when I have done so for them, and I also sometimes find people a bit too caught up in their own worldviews and concerns without seeing what (to me) is the bigger community picture. I also really dislike when people try to apply moral pressure on me (that I have to care about a cause or I’m a bad person, etc.). I also find it frustrating when I’m the sole organiser of events or meet-ups.

What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?

• This was somewhat answered above, but I also enjoy outgoing and warm people, and people who I think I can rely upon. I try to take people as they come, though, and have had all sorts of friends.
• In romantic relationships, I like when people are ambitious, determined, and intelligent but also kind and passionate people. I like them to have a level of overlapping interests with me (my partner is also a medieval scholar, but works more with artefacts and museum work).

What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?

• I can be accidentally rude at times without realising, and also can be a bit dismissive of views I think are dumb, sometimes hastily so.
• I can over-explain or simply talk too much or over-theorise
• I can be a bit of a people-pleaser
• A recent conflict was my trying to organise a departmental event and the other graduate students not contributing or seeing the larger picture of how that would help our department as a community, which I got very frustrated by.

What are your strengths? What do people like about you? What do you like about yourself?

• I work really hard
• I try to create opportunities not just for myself but for those around me. I think we (not the whole world, obviously, but those around me) can all succeed.
• I am thorough in everything and don’t really half-ass stuff.
• I am pretty friendly and always up for a chat or to be a shoulder to cry on, and am pretty nonjudgmental (one friend says I always try to attribute other’s actions to a positive motive)

What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?

• I can be impatient and don’t know how to relax/wait for things.
• Sometimes I can come across as weird or intense, and I wish I was better at toning that down and relating to people
• I get pretty insecure about what people think of me at times, and wish I was a little better or more confident there.
• I take on too much work - I have been called an “arbeidsoptimist” before
• Sometimes I can be overly conflict-avoidant - I’ll get frustrated by people, but try to work around that.
• I can be a bit hesitant about making decisions
• I have a moderately murky sense of self - hence the need for a typing questionnaire and struggles with self-typing
• When stressed, I catastrophise a lot, and can have quite a lot of anxiety about not living up to my potential or failing at the things I am working on.

In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?

• I am good at keeping myself on task and working towards goals, I don’t really struggle with motivation or such.
• I’m pretty good at building connections and friendships with professors and other people and maintaining a sort of warm, friendly atmosphere in workplaces.
• I need help at times figuring which information is important and which can be left out. My work tends to spiral outwards and things like page-counts in papers or time-limits in presentations seem horrendously oppressive.
• I need help with taxes.
• I sometimes need help figuring out why I’m upset about things.
• I would like help figuring out my socionics type ;)

What things do you dislike doing? What things do you enjoy more than others?

• I dislike cooking (it just doesn’t interest me, although I enjoy tasting different kinds of food, I am also happy eating the same thing everyday, which I do when I live on my own).
• I dislike things like taxes.
• I am struggling with this question. I guess I dislike when I cannot plan and have to wait and see about more information (not strictly a “dislike doing” answer). Unresolved problems or conflicts give me a lot of anxiety.
• I enjoy going to museums, climbing, exercise (while listening to a podcast about an interest, preferably in another language), analysing medieval literature, planning initiatives, theorising and brainstorming with professors and some friends.

What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future, and why?

• I want to publish more articles in and outside of my field. I have a couple I’m working on now, which range from 19th century literature (recently accepted as a journal article!) to niche folklore topics (recently presented at a conference) to medieval travel literature (readying for publication), so that is my immediate term, along with some travel for language-study later in the summer.
• Long term, I want to finish my PhD and become a professor in my field at a research-heavy (R1 or the equivalent) university
• I hope to master more languages (I need working competency in 5 to even pass my PhD qualifying exams), and to do so, I plan to travel (and acquire funding for that).
• I also want to be a little closer to my family, and take care of my partner and eventually marry.

What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)?

• I have a lot of trinkets, artifacts, candles, and pieces of artwork up in my room. They are pretty varied, from statues (a bronze buddha from Sri Lanka, a basalt Horus from Egypt, and so forth) to artwork (Dante’s inferno by Botticelli, a Dali painting is up too at the moment), to some tibetan prayer flags, etc. Basically just stuff I’ve gotten from travels or as gifts.
• I’m pretty clean, in all honesty. I don’t mind clutter, but I don’t like when things are dirty.

If you won the lottery and didn't have to work anymore, what would you do?

• Exactly what I am doing, but I’d have a nicer place to live and worry a little less. I acquire external funding for a lot of my travels, etc., so that stuff wouldn’t really change.

What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?

• I find it somewhat endearing when people talk a lot about their own interests. I can usually relate it to things I am interested in without needing them to do that for me, and I also usually just find those things interesting.
• I find it endearing when
• I sometimes find it difficult when people leave all decision-making up to me, even if they’re trying to be flexible/easy. I can make the decisions, but don’t always like to.

How do you behave around strangers?

• I am very polite, but don’t really engage with strangers that often. I can be a bit shy, and used to have a decent amount of social anxiety, but lately I’m just not interested in interacting with strangers.

How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?

• Conflict really causes me a lot of anxiety if it’s with someone I know or have to see in the future. In those instances, I usually just don’t end up in conflict with them: I’m pretty friendly and try to see people’s perspectives.
• If not, and it’s with a stranger, I kind of just ignore them.

Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?

• Not sure. I kind of prefer doing what I’m doing now - the research and teaching aspects. I don’t really know what sort of value I’d be adding to the world with a business, but I suppose if I could find something that was both interesting for me and seemed to fill a needed niche, sure.
• I like the business Facsimile finder, they make medieval manuscript reproductions. Perhaps something like that, or creating a sort of community centre/third place (I used to think about owning a pub, back in my bartending days).

How do you dress or manage your appearance?

• I keep things pretty simple, and try to stick to classic clothes (rather than trendy). Timeless and simple, more or less. That being said, I enjoy colours, and try to model my wardrobe a bit off of an autumnal palate (I got really into colour season theory a couple of months ago briefly, and was “typing” all of my friends and myself, now I just use it when thrifting for new clothes).
• I pretty much exclusively get clothes either as gifts or through thrift stores. I sort of really dislike shopping otherwise.
• I take care of myself physically, and keep a simple but effective skincare routine and eat moderately healthy. It stresses me out when things like skincare have too many steps, though.

Do you like kids? Why or why not?

• Yeah, I think kids are nice. I appreciate how much potential they have and how good-hearted and imaginative they usually are. That being said, I don’t always find them particularly interesting, so I guess more of a generally benevolent ambivalence from my end.

In what situations or times in your life did you feel most fulfilled, and why?

• I’m pretty fulfilled right now, in all honesty. I have work that challenges me but is super interesting and allows (and pays) for lots of travel, I have a loving partner, I have a relatively secure future for the remainder of my PhD programme (minimum four more years).
• I do wish I had a better social circle right now though, but I honestly haven’t put enough effort in to build one (I have two social circles but we’re all busy/inconsistent).

So disclaimer this is everything my roommate did when she lived with me from my perspective. Also this is a really long story because a lot happened, and I do tend to get sidetracked.
Before we became roommates, I had a situationship with this guy. Let’s call him John. John and I met in our first semester of college and hit it off right off the bat. John was a mutual friend of me and my psychotic roommate, which is how we were introduced. Let’s call her Shortstack. So Shortstack knew I had a thing for John, and was encouraging us to start a relationship which I thought was nice. Eventually, though, when there was a lull in our relationship she admitted to liking John, and I backed off because it was looking like a relationship between me and John wasn’t gonna happen. I did my best to subtly wingman and they ended up dating.
Right before they made it official, I had met someone new. We’ll call him Tim (I’m trying to use generic/default guy names to keep some anonymity). Tim and I hit it off right off the bat. He’s honestly the most genuine, talented, thoughtful, and interesting guy I’ve ever met. Anyway, right before John and Shortstack started dating, I got a text from Shortstack saying she had the hots for Tim and asked if I he was free game. I was a bit bothered by that, but she respected my answer when I politely told her that Tim and I had something good and I didn’t want anyone interfering. At least, I THOUGHT she respected my answer.
Almost a year later and I had asked Shortstack if she wanted to be my roommate so we could both live near school while not having to live on campus. Worst decision ever.
She moved in before I did, and when it was my turn to move in the place was an absolute disaster. Dirty clothes and empty Dominos boxes covered the floor. She had also set up her decorations all over the entire apartment (not really leaving any room for me, which was made worse by the fact that we shared a room, and the apartment was very tiny so we were basically living on top of each other). I brushed it off, but it never really got any better. Normally I wouldn’t be too upset, I’m not a huge neat freak or anything, but it peeved me that she would always point out any mess that I had made.
Here’s a list of some of her really gross habits: dirty underwear everywhere kept old dominos boxes everywhere would buy salads and let them expire and they would sit there until I took them out Refused to do any chores or contribute in any way our shower didn’t fully drain so hair was often left in the tub, but she never cleaned up after herself (meaning I was scrubbing her pubes out of the tub) Used tissues would be left on the ground Not flushing I never once saw her do laundry in the 6 months we lived together
I’m sure there’s more but these are just the ones that I remember. To be fair, here were my gross she took issue with: Leaving dishes in the sink for a long-ass time Letting my laundry basket overflow Walking around in a towel after I took a shower, even when her tinder dates were over (mostly cuz I didn’t give a shit and everything was covered, but I also understand that her glares when I would do that were a little deserved).
That was the easiest part of living with her that I had to deal with. It got so so so much worse, and slowly she started to reveal her true colours.
She had a job at a jewelry store, got fired. Moved to a job at a grocery store across the street, got fired. Bummed around for a few weeks, mostly just sitting on the couch doing arts and crafts. Tried a Zumba class, quit after 2 sessions. Finally she got hired at a movie theatre, but she would only work Friday and weekends. All the while a lot of new things were appearing in our apartment. New makeup, a makeup chair, a tiny plastic Dreamhouse, posters and picture frames, lights, you name it. She was also buying premade meals and continued to order Dominos and DoorDash, never making her own food.
That’s around the time I found a buried letter from our landlord saying she was 2 months behind on rent. (Also an honorable mention about her RGB lights, she would keep them on while I was trying to sleep, even when I had work in the morning which was most days and she’d throw a little hissy fit whenever I asked her to turn them off because it was midnight and I had to get up in a couple hours).
She would constantly be having guys over, but would never tell me, so I’d always come home to a stranger on our couch and I’d uncomfortably lock myself in our room. Walls were thin so I had to listen to her awful flirting and occasionally kissing noises. She had made a goal for herself to kiss at least 30 guys so she could write a book about it, one chapter for each guy. It’s funny because the book is coming out soon, I’m not gonna share the name because I don’t wanna promote an incel’s diary but if you happen to be one of the guys she wrote about, just know that she has said several times her type is “Generic kinda ugly white guys.” I don’t think that’s her type, I think she just says that because all of the super attractive guys she went after all shot her down so quick.
While she’s collecting “ugly-ish white guys” (her words), she has promised herself to some dude in the military overseas who has a ring with their initials carved into it (his name is Matt. I’m not censoring that because I genuinely hope he sees this even though chances are insanely slim. She’s Jodie-ing you my guy, and she wants to elope and marry you to piss her parents off and for financial benefits because she can’t keep a job).
ONTOP of all this, Tim (who at this point I had been with for over a year) would come over and visit sometimes. She was always miserable, but perked up and suddenly became so sweet and friendly whenever he was there. Tim kept trying to drop some social cues that he did not want to talk to her, but she ignored it. I also want to mention that Tim is incredibly attractive, physically and personality wise, which is the main reason I think that “ugly” isn’t actually her type, it’s just all she can get.
Oh quick mention one of her tinder guys was 17. She was close to 20 at the time. She said their age gap made her uncomfortable but she invited him over because she wanted to, and I quote, “lick his abs.” Take that as you will.
My breaking point with her was when I woke up one day with a random man in the room sleeping next to her. She let a random man from tinder have full unsupervised access to 2 unconscious girls and all of their valuable items. There’s more stuff she did but this is already super long so I’m going to leave it on this note. Let me know if you guys wanna hear the rest.

Hello. My name is Bungling-Worm. You may remember me from my highly condemned submissions such as "Socialists-The Moralist Busybodies Preventing You From Beating YOUR Cheating C\nt of a Wife and Annoying Children", "Profit or: Humanity's Raisin Deter (sic).", "Who Really 'Needs' Clean Air and Water Anyway?", "Hayek Was Right! - How Fascism Saved Western Civilization™ From the Bolshevik Menace" and "SWEATSHOPS!-The Greatest Gift to Third-World Youths Since the Polio Vaccine.*"
Today I'd like to address my fellow capitalists. It's no secret that, much like the U.S. military in Iraq circa 2003-2011, we're losing the battle for the hearts and minds of our intended slav..subje...vict...vassa...thral...our fellow men™. For this reason my employer, Generic Right-Wing Think Tank Inc., in partnership with our good friends in the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency and the U.K. Special Intelligence Service (formerly U.K. Military Intelligence, Section 6), have contacted the eminent propagandist conservative philosopher picnic-boy and gained his gracious permission to make an official Part 2 to his highly acclaimed How to argue in favor of capitalism and against socialism, a helpful guide the table of contents of which is freely available (for a limited time only) here: https://www.reddit.com/CapitalismVSocialism/comments/1cqvdsv/comment/l3wuegi/
Without picnic-boy's pioneering achievements in sophistry this work would not be possible. Now, without further add-do (sic) I give you a sneak peak into the table of contents of How to argue in favor of capitalism and against socialism, a helpful guide: Part 2.

1. State, often and always without evidence (because none exists), that socialists control all mainstream news media, organized religion (especially the Catholic Church, the Jesuit Order, the Hasidic Colleges and every sect of Islam), academia, K-12 public education, the entire U.S. civil service/bureaucracy (from the municipal all the way up to the federal), the FBI, the CIA, the Justice Department, the Democratic Party, the neoconservative wing of the Republican party, the Fraternal Order of Freemasons, Hollywood, all police unions, the AFL-CIO board, the entire federal judiciary, all the major drug cartels and organized crime syndicates, the Federal Reserve System and the governments of literally every single third and second world country, especially the far-right and non-white majority ones. At the exact same time, and this is really important so pay close attention, accuse socialists of being unpopular teenage losers living in their parents' basement who're too lazy to get a job.
2. When socialists remark upon how similar the claims in point 1 are to contemporary Neo-Nazi conspiracy theories and start to question how you feel about Jewish people turn around and accuse them of being "the real anti-semites" for "wanting to take all the Jews' money away ". In no way is this conflation of all Jewish people with rich capitalists a form of economic antisemitism. If someone points out that it is simply cherry pick quotes from Marx's "On the Jewish Question" out of context so that none of the parts where Marx makes it clear he is only critiquing Judaism as a religion while at the same time advocating for the political emancipation of the Jews as people are clear to the reader. After that go on to talk about how much you support Israel and how much happier you think diaspora Jews would be if they permanently immigrated there. Also and for no particular reason talk about the "failure" of the Kibbutzim apropos of nothing and don't elaborate on anything.
3. Always portray struggles of democratic socialists within ML states/the Eastern Bloc as struggles for capitalism. Yes, it is true the people who organized the East German Uprising of 1953, the 1956 Hungarian Revolution, the Prague Spring of 1968, and the Polish Solidarity Movement of the 1980's (before the Vatican and CIA hijacked it) all demanded democratic socialism, yes they all said that, but what they "really wanted" was capitalism and don't you let any so-called "historian" tell you otherwise.
4. Pretend that socialists invented the very concept of the state and thus that all state rulers from the Roman Emperors, Egyptian Pharaohs, Greek Archons, etc. to modern Kings, Kaisers, Tsars and Presidents were/are "socialists".
5. Don't forget to liberally pepper your psychotic rants with plenty of freudian slips and accusations in a mirror. For example, make the claim that socialists want to destroy the family so that they can isolate, abuse and indoctrinate women and children while at the same time assert that wives and children are nothing more than an extension of "the individual" who need to be shielded by this individual from an unrealistically hostile and confusing world (literally everything and everyone outside the home).
6. Assert that socialists invented taxation and ignore that the first taxes in recorded history took the form of land-rents set by the first governments (which were councils of militaristic landlords).
7. Defend rent-seeking and landlordism so long as it's done by private individuals. Remember rent-seeking is only bad when the government does it because they spend that money on social parasites and welfare leeches, unlike landlords who spend it on their second families in the next state over.
8. Claim fascism is a form of socialism but also defend the legacies of lesser known fascist regimes, military dictatorships and other totalitarian right-wing governments whose symbols and mottos the people in your country haven't developed a learned fear response to yet the way they have the Swastika and the Fasces.
9. When leftists point out that the main victims of things like the Great Purge and the Chinese Cultural Revolution were socialists, communists, anarchists and other left-wing intellectuals who opposed Stalin and Mao's cults of personality either ignore them and maintain that the "real victims" were the tiny minority of "innocent" religious extremists, ultranationalists (who were "definitely not" fascist collaborators or spies), and grain hoarders or do a complete one hundred and eighty degree pivot and actually defend the Great Purge and Cultural Revolution because "The more left someone is, the more violent/dictatorial they are, therefore anyone to the left of Stalin and Mao would have been more violent than them and it's a good thing they were killed."
10. If you think any of these points are self-contradicting just remember that doublethink is merely a tool and "communists" (Stalinists) shouldn't be the only ones allowed to make use of it.
11. Ignore the mountains of evidence that an anti-Stalinist left exists. Portray these leftists as right-wingers and edit their most famous works to leave out the many mentions of their own support for socialism.
12. Remind your interlocutor(s) that socialism is gay and cringe.
13. Remember that reading is gay but total illiteracy is still kinda cringe (unfortunately). Therefore read as little as humanly possible without going full illiterate. Our recommendation is to only read blurbs from ancap websites, your favorite conspiracy theorist podcasters' social media threads and your fellow "capitalists' " reddit posts and nothing else.
14. In keeping with point 13 let the only things you "know" or "learn" about socialism be things you absorbed through osmosis and half remember from your high school history textbooks assuming you even read them at all. Never look at primary sources, never listen to people trying to explain things to you in detail, always complain that quotes provided to you are "blocks of text" or "unoriginal" and can thus be dismissed without serious engagement on your part.
15. Remember that conformism, unquestioning obedience to authority, an unflinching belief in the correctness of the current socioeconomic status quo and conventional wisdom, and a general Panglossian worldview with a huge heaping of moral nihilism (which is definitely a real philosophical school of thought and not just a rationalization of one's own sociopathic tendencies) are actually somehow radical and that "conservatism is the new punk rock" of the 21st century.
16. Remember that guy begging for spare change you passed on your way to work? Tell everyone that he was a capitalist. Carefully explain to workers why capitalists are actually worse off than everyone else in society as hard to believe as that may seem. Remind them that when it comes to capitalists' they're "cash poor, asset rich" which means all their wealth is tied up in assets like yachts and sports cars and mansions and designer suits/dresses/jewellery and second summer homes and third winter homes and tropical island resorts where "nothing unethical ever happens so shut up about it already"...and talk about how they can't use these assets to buy groceries or clothing or even pay the "exorbitant" property taxes on their assets. "So you see the real unfortunates in our society aren't the homeless or the victims of police brutality or refugees or the working poor, it's capitalists. These brave men and women take (minor) financial risks by using what little cash they have to found businesses, not for their own benefit but for ours, so that they can give us jobs and provide us with products and services and then what do these generous souls get in return for their herculean efforts? Just a whole lot of ingratitude from socialists and a bunch of tacky junk they can't even use to feed and clothe their many, many illegitimate and adoptive children that they're definitely not doing anything questionable with on their tropical islands that aren't even worth that much anymore because of rising sea levels (which have nothing to do with climate change, which is just a Chinese communist plot to make Americans poor don'tcha know?)".

We started to chat again she then randomly said she wanted to have sex. After I responded to her comment. She then got mad and was like “don’t think this dirty talk will get u somewhere” I didn’t even wanted to have a sexual conversation but just a good conversation in general???
I literally don’t understand why she got mad. Also how can u text me such sexual things and then get mad at me if I respond to it? Should I have said that I find her disgusting and would never want such things with her??? Like what was she expecting after sending that I honestly don’t understand.
She then on continued making audios were she’d say “maybe u feel rejected now but me saying that doesn’t mean I want u to come over”.
I just honestly think it’s the dumbest thing ever and I’m so over it. Jesus fcking Christ. Just kind of want ur opinion guys cos?? 😭😭😂😂

• Lesson video

INTRO

Your server is now running two services: the sshd (Secure Shell Daemon) service that you use to login; and the Apache2 web server. Both of these services are generating logs as you and others access your server - and these are text files which we can analyse using some simple tools.
Plain text files are a key part of "the Unix way" and there are many small "tools" to allow you to easily edit, sort, search and otherwise manipulate them. Today we’ll use grep, cat, more, less, cut, awk and tail to slice and dice your logs.
The grep command is famous for being extremely powerful and handy, but also because its "nerdy" name is typical of Unix/Linux conventions.

YOUR TASKS TODAY

• Dump out the complete contents of a file with cat like this: cat /valog/apache2/access.log
• Use less to open the same file, like this: less /valog/apache2/access.log - and move up and down through the file with your arrow keys, then use “q” to quit.
• Again using less, look at a file, but practice confidently moving around using gg, GG and /, n and N (to go to the top of the file, bottom of the file, to search for something and to hop to the next "hit" or back to the previous one)
• View recent logins and sudo usage by viewing /valog/auth.log with less
• Look at just the tail end of the file with tail /valog/apache2/access.log (yes, there's also a head command!)
• Follow a log in real-time with: tail -f /valog/apache2/access.log (while accessing your server’s web page in a browser)
• You can take the output of one command and "pipe" it in as the input to another by using the (pipe) symbol
• So, dump out a file with cat, but pipe that output to grep with a search term - like this: cat /valog/auth.log grep "authenticating"
• Simplify this to: grep "authenticating" /valog/auth.log
• Piping allows you to narrow your search, e.g. grep "authenticating" /valog/auth.log grep "root"
• Use the cut command to select out most interesting portions of each line by specifying "-d" (delimiter) and "-f" (field) - like: grep "authenticating" /valog/auth.log grep "root" cut -f 10- -d" " (field 10 onwards, where the delimiter between field is the " " character). This approach can be very useful in extracting useful information from log data.
• Use the -v option to invert the selection and find attempts to login with other users: grep "authenticating" /valog/auth.log grep -v "root" cut -f 10- -d" "

The output of any command can be "redirected" to a file with the ">" operator. The command: ls -ltr > listing.txt wouldn't list the directory contents to your screen, but instead redirect into the file "listing.txt" (creating that file if it didn't exist, or overwriting the contents if it did).

WHERE'S MY /VALOG/AUTH.LOG?

If you didn't find the file /valog/auth.log you're probably using a minimal version of Ubuntu (it can be your own local VM or a version in one of the VPS). That minimal image is, well... minimal. It only has the systemd journal available and it didn't come with the old syslog system by default.
But don't worry! To get that back, sudo apt install rsyslog and the file will be created. Just give it a few minutes to populate before working on the lesson.
It also be missing a few of the other programs we use in the challenge, but you can always install them.

POSTING YOUR PROGRESS

Re-run the command to list all the IP's that have unsuccessfully tried to login to your server as root - but this time, use the the ">" operator to redirect it to the file: ~/attackers.txt. You might like to share and compare with others doing the course how heavily you're "under attack"!

EXTENSION

• See if you can extend your filtering of auth.log to select just the IP addresses, then pipe this to sort, and then further to uniq to get a list of all those IP addresses that have been "auditing" your server security for you.
• Investigate the awk and sed commands. When you're having difficulty figuring out how to do something with grep and cut, then you may need to step up to using these. Googling for "linux sed tricks" or "awk one liners" will get you many examples.
• Aim to learn at least one simple useful trick with both awk and sed

RESOURCES

• Text processing commands
• OSTechNix grep tutorial
• Where GREP came from
• SED onliners
• RegExr - a tool to learn, build and test Regular Expressions
• explainshell.com - write down a command-line to see the help text that matches each argument

TROUBLESHOOT AND MAKE A SAD SERVER HAPPY!

Practice what you've learned with some challenges at SadServers.com:

• "Saskatoon": counting IPs.
• "Santiago": Find the secret combination
• "The Command Line Murders"

PREVIOUS DAY'S LESSON

• Day 7 - The server and its services

Some rights reserved. Check the license terms here

So my car needed repairing after an attempted theft and I went to an auto shop my sister recommended. This was a private auto shop who is not in my insurance network. They had my car for 2 weeks fixing it and finally called to say it was ready for pick up.
Ok we agreed I would pick it up Saturday. The day comes I call the guy he does not answer. I show up to the shop regardless to pick up my car because it was time to return the rental and this is what we agreed! His son was there, he didnt answer the son calls either but the son released the car to me. Upon checking my car things in the inside were not fixed and touched at all how they were supposed to be. I have an all white car but black parts were used on it. Plus my airbag symbol came on after driving it home. and when opening my passenger side door the handle fell off!
I immediately took pictures and called the guy AGAIN. He sent me a text a day later saying he apologizes he was sick and in the hospital from diabetes but he’ll have a tow truck come get the car again so he can look at what he didn’t fix as if it isn’t fucking obvious. I call my insurance because I don’t wanna go back to him but now I have to since it was a private shop and they already paid. Ok I get it, I call him again today. He does not answer! But sends a text saying he’ll call me right back. That was HOURS ago! Now I feel like he’s avoiding me, my car isnt fixed properly and my insurance paid him over 6000 to fix!
What do I do at this point?? My insurance is saying it’s out of their hands which I get but come on they took your money and did not fix my car properly! And now he won’t answer any of my calls

hellos. it is me again. i am back with update about last post (if don’t know what i mean, feels free to check profile) will warn again, english is not best so if hard to understand, i apologize! but i have been practice more 😄
i finally am fully move in with bf. other night he let decorate a room to be girly because i always had dedicated room for art. i did not feels safe having one as soon as roommate allowed dog in house, but there is no dog to ruin me here. i feels so happy, safe, loved because he love me and respect me and there is no dog here to growl and act aggressive at me here. he always tell me how important i am to him, how much he love me and how he will make sure i stay happy with him.
a little over week ago (my birthday) roommate calls and ask for my part of rent money. i send her text about me move out and landlord should told her but she either ignore or didn’t receive message. she did not ask how am i, no happy birthday, no ask about where i have been. like they not notice i have been gone. now she reach out on my birthday of any day to ask for money for place i do not live anymore? i tell her i live with bf now and am sorry but no money for rent can come from me, especially now because i am looking for new better pay job. she sends sad message making me feel bad because she knows am really easy to make feel bad about stuffs that is not my fault. she says she is pay to get stuff for dog and wants to be a good gf and dog mom (what is that? i do not understand how can be mom to a dog?) and want to use money for that but needs money for rent too. i was confuse because should rent not be bigger importance? she can spoil dog later i think but no, she wants take money from me. cut it short my final answer is no and she does not respond message.
a few days later i happen to be getting out of car after buying hair products when they stop by taking stroll. i still wonder if they were going out of way to see me or if just happened to be walking around area. dog is barking and pulling on very weak and dirty leash. it does not look like the leash strong enough to hold dog of size, much less clearly aggressive pitbull. it not break around me but whole time i was scare leash would snap and dog would attack me. bf was not home he was at work so it was me, roommate, her gf, and dog. gf says they were taking walk and ask how i am doing. i tell her honestly, very happy. i did not mean to sound bragging in any way but not resist telling her how life has treat me now that i can feel safe in own home again. not scared to walk to another room for fear of be attacked. she act happy for me but she also looks so angry at me. i don’t know why? it is not like i told them to get rid of dog. do i wish they did? yes. not just because it is dog but because it is clearly aggressive. i realize now thanks to you all that moment dog was brought into home, they stop caring about me, their friend, for a dog that made miserable. even if i ask i doubt they would have rehome dog. i did what best for me, and i guess them, and move in with man who love me and would not hurt me like that.
as we are talking dog looks like ready to take bite out of me, pulling on leash. i wondered if both were angry enough to let dog loose to intimidate me just by way they were acting. i could not believe how quick we went from friends to me being scare of them and dog. while they did not say anything threaten exactly (we were catching up talk about life, i did because i did not want be childish), the body behavior and emotions were clear. they hate me for move out, but only notice because they need rent money? i tell them many time before i left that dog is making life hell but never listened. then i told was moving out before i officially did. when they brought dog with it felt like a threat, just having such dangerous thing around. like a warning and disrespect. “look, we only care about dog. here it is on very weak leash that can snap any time. we know how you feel about dogs and how scare you are, but not care about you anymore! by the way, can borrow some money for rent even though is not your responsibility anymore? here is sad story to make you feel guilt so say yes.”
i told bf what happen when he got home later that night, and he called them and said some very angry thing. i think he should have calm down (for his sake), but he basically told them never come my way again, especially with dog. that if they want talk, talk like adults and don’t include the thing that was a reason i move out. he said is dangerous dog and to not come crying to me when it gets put down because it kill someone or cause life change injuries. he can get very angry but he later tell me he just gets upset that NOW they decide to come sees me. NOW they want talk. we blocked both of them and i don’t really want be friends with them again because they toss me aside for dog like it was nothing. we went hell and back and it went down drain because of dog. not just any dog but badly train dog who might attack someone one day. i tell my family and they thinks am overreacting but i don’t think they ever understand until this happen to them. i mostly made post to tell you all am currently live dog free. am happy living here. it always smell clean, i can walk freely no fear. bf give me much love and attention. we have video game night or go out to eat or just be outside. i also got job for doordash today and am getting second job somewhere soon hopefully too because have interview tomorrow! it can get better, for anyone struggle living with dog. can be mentally drained but you are not alone. 🤗 thanks much for people that commented on last post. am thankful when people don’t make me feel crazy for saying dogs scare me and impact mental health in bad way. i don’t hate dogs for existence, just wish people could know that not everybody has to like them.

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Okay this is not specifically Taylor AND Travis, but I feel this sub would get where I am coming from.
Now I am not one to ever compare one individual's mental health conditions that may be with another person. Everyone has their own struggles and challenges they go through, even if the severity differs. However, in this situation, I would like to put my two cents in on a subject many of us already have started to discuss: Taylor's usage of mental illness, mental institutions, and just overall angst she has been harbouring since TTPD's announcement to present times. As others have pointed out before me, it has never been confirmed if Taylor has any medical condition or has any mental disorder. She did confirm back in 2019 though I believe, she has never gone to therapy as she sees her mom as the only therapist she ever could need (if it has changed since then, please let me know). To be honest, yes, it's not our place to know if she doesn't want to share, about anything involving herself, especially like mental health, as it's a personal subject for many, whether famous or not. Also I truly think therapy while super helpful for some, may not be the right for others in contrast. It genuinely depends on each individual on what they need and what works best for them. Alas, whatever we want to call Taylor is doing for the TTPD era with the usage and imagery of mental illness, personally I'm not only over it but disgusted by it.
For starters, we are led to think all this imagery and wordplay and overall presentation of mental illness and mental institutions and lobonomies etc are solely due to her broken heart over a former love (popular suggestion says it's for Matty Healy but some think it's still Joe and some think it's for other people completely or even other situations). We're left with solely her songs and her choices in words both in songs and in real life, to theorize what they could be alluding to. I have seen many Gaylors suggest these are influenced by the LGBTQIA+ was and have been treated in mainstream society. How, homosexuality was even listed an actual illness not so long ago unfortunately.
But for the sake of calling a spade a spade and being simplistic, I am just going to follow the popular belief that this era is just her choice of showing her reaction and feelings towards some ex-lover and feeling scorned by them, most likely it's Matty. Or least the grand majority of the songs seem to lean in his not so favour. That being said (and as someone who has been there with Taylor since Debut), she could have honestly chose a better direction. Mental illness isn't a joke to make people laugh at parties. It isn't a trend or the latest accessory to buy at the mall. It's not something you can just shake off and pretend it's done by the next album. It's real and it's really affects your every day life. Just as mental institutions are no joke. They're not fun playgrounds to meet potential besties at. It's literally a place that originally people were sent to against their will. Even in present times, some people are still sent to them against their will. Yes, some go now voluntarily, but it isn't always the case. I understand being heartbroken and something like ghosting can make one feel emotionally vulnerable and hurt on a multitude of levels. I just wouldn't justify making chronic word usage of "asylums", "madhouses", phrases like "they sent me away" or referencing coming straight from the hospital if she just meant it "symbolically". I get she could have easily meant Hollywood and stardom especially like she has experienced, is a crazy experience to endure, but in that case, it seems like her previous analogies of a circus works better without offending potential parties or people with actual experiences with mental institutions and/or mental illness. It reminds me of how several people say something like "I always wash my hands, I'm OCD" or "War time flashbacks, I got PTSD from *names a very underwhelming situation that disturb a person slightly*", It's careless and callous wording all around. The fact we have even seen some of Taylor's so-called fans start to make their own medical bracelets to play up this theme is disturbing in my opinion. Again mental illness isn't some necklace to show off like a diamond studded piece.
I'm not saying Taylor couldn't have felt maddened in a way by her experiences that inspired TTPD thus how she chose to display this era and such. In my own personal experience without going too much into it, I had my own ghosting experience a few years back that wasn't fun in any way, and it was with someone, who reassured me for months on end that they were going to stay and we'd always be in each other's lives so obviously my trust and faith were both shaken when I noticed one night, I got blocked from all their social media and they didn't answer any call or text I left. However, I didn't go around not only acting like a tortured Victorian woman, who was imprisoned against her own will in a sanitarium but marketing myself as one and even trying to trademark a term I clearly didn't create. Granted say Taylor hypothetically went through a whole bunch of worst case scenarios: loved ones dying, friends leaving her when she needed them the most, people she care for getting sick, potential bankruptcy, etc then fuck, I get her reason behind using all this theme and the imagery as well. But I am going to take the benefit of the doubt and say she really chose a serious topic and things associated with it, just because something went awry again with her and some person she dated unfortunately. And what makes it even more vulgar in my opinion is it's not even like her first break up. It's much more than her first rodeo at this game yet she chose to display all of her feelings for it this time in perhaps, one of the worst ways. She is being insensitive to the ones who actually have been in mental institutions, whether by choice or not, and/or are suffering from mental illness. Again maybe she has something too, maybe not but regardless, she seems tone-deaf to the bigger picture here, similar to her using soldier terminology despite never been at war or even in service.
Many musicians have used this imagery before as we've established but it doesn't make it any more right. Several artists in comparison have been public with their mental health situations and don't even choose to use this type of imagery for themselves. They'll mention it time from time, but it's definitely not treated like a personality trait from them. It's just an aspect of them but not the whole picture. The fact she's even referring to herself as "The Chairman of The Tortured Poets Department" sounds like the combination of one of the most pretentious and woe is me crock I have ever heard. We don't see Morrissey calling himself, "The Pope of Mope" (yes, the fans do but he doesn't) and I doubt we'd see Robert Smith call himself, "The King of Sad". Yet Taylor who has had what seemed like a well off childhood and many good things happen to her and never seemed to brand herself as anything less than cheery adjectives for more over a decade, it just sounds so off-putting now she's trying to play the tragic role like it's natural or genuine.
I find it important to note, one particular musician named Emilie Autumn, has been inspired by the Victorian era for her whole career and real life "tortured" writers , along with incorporating the whole asylum analogy long before Taylor, but in sheer contrast, it was documented she actually went to a psych ward in a book she published in 2009. In the book itself, she discusses what it was in both a fictional way and factual way of what she went through as well showcasing how women were treated there in present times compared with the 1800s hasn't changed that much. She wanted to write the book to empower women though and to rise above the turmoil and be stronger because of it. She was no victim here (nor trying to just use it "alt points"). She has since (and even before the book) been very open about her experiences with mental illness (she's openly bipolar and the abuse she's endured over the years, as well her songs show she's not afraid to tackle the harder subjects) and what's it really like to be in a psych ward. I feel Emilie Autumn accomplished making mental illness a subject we can understand and even relate to, without it feeling gimmicky or a cash grab until she comes up with another aesthetic. Again I'm not saying Taylor's life story has been nothing but peaches and cream though, I recognize it hasn't been. And again she isn't expected to tell us her entire medical history and every blemish she ever had, but I don't support nor think her going around at her concerts with her dancers dressed as nurses and doctors and her using mental institutions as settings when she has been so mum on the subject of mental health, whether hers or in general, is a good look especially if she's just doing it to songs about how a guy stopped pursuing her and they weren't even together for that long. It comes off disrespectful and even condescending to the ones, who really have mental conditions and we can't just shake it off with a dance number. I'm sorry she got hurt (whether she still is or was is debated), but it doesn't give her a free pass to use something as heavy as this as just an aesthetic and equally turning a blind eye when some of her fans think it's just a lighthearted thing too. I will never get over how so many are now using asylums so loosely, like "OMG this album makes me crazy, send me to an asylum next". That's fucked up to say the least. Ultimately, I just hope this phase changes fast, and hopefully, Taylor can heal from whatever she is or isn't singing about, and more people step in when an idea is just isn't a good one.