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Hi, I'm currently working with VCF files (from WGS, with normal and tumor samples) from the ICGC database. We aim to identify immunogenic neoantigens (of protein or DNA nature) in cohorts of pancreatic cancer patients (specifically, those from Canada and Australia) using machine learning. Following the workflow outlined in a paper ( PMID: 37816353), I have annotated (using VEP) VCF files for each patient with snvs and indels, filtered to include only variants affecting protein-coding genes (yet, a variant may affect several non-protein condign transcripts) that are expressed.
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Now, I'm stuck at the next steps. We can only use the VCF files as we don't have access to FASTA files and lack the memory capacity to work with the BAM files (which are around 20TB). According to the image I posted (PMID: 36698417), I need to:
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1. Perform HLA typing.
   
2. Obtain TCR-seq data for TCR-pMHC prediction.
   
3. Generate 11-mers of the variant amino acids/nucleotides, discarding those that match the wild-type (WT) 11-mer.
   

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For the first problem, I have two options. I can use bcftools (consensus chr6:28,510,120-33,480,577) to generate a FASTA sequence of the HLA region from the VCFs and then perform HLA typing. Alternatively, I can use pharmaCat to directly perform HLA typing. I'm leaning towards using pharmaCat, but I'm unsure if it will provide the necessary input for HCM-binding prediction. Additionally, if I opt for the first option, I'm not sure how to create the consensus using only the normal sample (i don't totally understand the bcftools instructions) and I haven't found a predictor that doesn't require paired reads.
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For the second problem, I was considering using bcftools consensus, but I'm not sure which region of the genome this sequence corresponds to, unlike the HLA region which I've identified. I know that the alpha and beta chains are located on chromosomes 14 and 7, respectively, but I'm uncertain if this approach would work.
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For the third problem, I've identified three options:
- Using the ANNOVAR argument --coding_change.
- Utilizing FastaAlternateReferenceMaker or bcftools consensus to convert the VCF file into a FASTA file for the gene ad the gffread to extract protein sequences from FASTA + GTF files, followed by filtering and obtaining the mers.
- the more direct approach: read the GTF and VCF simultaneously, and for each variant: + Look up the overlapping transcripts, and for each transcript: + Compute the local reading frame (for translation) + Compute the new amino acid (if synonymous, stop) + Compute each 11-mer overlapping the position in the amino acid sequence. For this one, i want to use the 3º option, but i dont feel vary confident to make such a script (currently is were I'm putting more effort of all this problems). I´ve search for paper of the immunogenicity predicting topic , but they don't really let clear how to get the mers.
My preference is the third option, but I'm not very confident in my ability to write a script for this task. That said, currently, this is where I'm putting most of my effort.
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So, this post is essentially a request for guidance and opinions on how to approach my three main problems. I'm relatively new to the field of bioinformatics, coming from a biotechnological background, so please pardon my ignorance if I'm asking something obvious.

This week’s vintage batch features FPs in black chased hard rubber with unusually flexible nibs. Highlights include an early, stickered Wahl and a massively oversized Mabie Todd Swan #6. Nibs range from Flex to Wet Noodle. As always, all are fully restored and ready to write.
 
ALBUM & TIMESTAMP
 
Pastable link: https://imgur.com/a/EUnzUnV
 
Condition (n.b.): All pens listed below have been disassembled, cleaned and restored with new sacs installed in the last couple weeks. Each of these pens is guaranteed to fill and write as designed without leaks or other problems. Nibs have been adjusted when necessary to ensure that all lay down a smooth and consistent line.
THESE PENS HAVE NO CRACKS, CHIPS, PERSONALIZATIONS, LOOSE OR MISSING PARTS, BENT NIBS, MISALIGNED TINES, BROKEN/WORN OFF TIPPING, OR THREADING ISSUES.
 
Line Widths and Writing Samples: To provide buyers with as much information as possible, I have started to adopt the following line width standards: XXF (.1-.2mm); XF (approx .3mm); F (approx .4mm); M (approx .6mm); B (approx .8mm). Nib flexibility is determined by variation (max line width under pressure) and softness (amount of pressure). Flexibility designations based on variation generally run as follows for an XF/F nib: Semi-Flex (approx. 1mm); Flex (1.2-1.9mm); Superflex (>2mm). All line width measurements are taken with a digital caliper but should be considered approximations providing a general guide. Width may vary slightly depending on type of ink and paper used as well as amount of pressure applied. All writing samples are on Rhodia dot paper using Waterman Serenity Blue.
 
 
1. 1920-5 Conklin Crescent-Filler 20 (BCHR, GPT, Crescent filler, 14k XXF/XF Superflex nib). This full-sized model measures 5 3/8” capped. Something about the 100+ y/o obsolescent design of Conklin’s Crescent-Filler appeals to me. It’s the pen once touted in adverts by none other than Mark Twain. "I prefer it to ten other fountain pens,” writes Twain, “because it carries its filler in its own stomach, and I can not mislay even by art or intention. Also, I prefer it because it is a profanity saver; it cannot roll off the desk." This one made of black hard rubber, chased in the scallop pattern. Patented rocker clip raises at the bottom when the top is depressed. Gold-filled crescent is stamped "Crescent " on one side and “Conklin” on the other. The Crescent-Filler is one of the most simple and durable filling systems among sacced pens. To fill one simply rotates the knurled lock-ring to the open position and depresses the crescent once with the nib submersed. Super-Flexible 14k Conklin Toledo #2 nib lays down a smooth and consistent XXF/XF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.2mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Super thin hairlines, superbly responsive snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it a great choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: excellent+ [B+]. Gold-plated trim is pristine with no brassing or other notable blemishes. Hard rubber is factory black with virtually no fading. Chasing is sharp and deep with little discernible wear. Hard rubber has a smooth and lustrous finish with no deep scratches or other noteworthy flaws. Manufacturer imprints on the barrel are slightly weakened but still fully legible. Price: $280
 
2. 1920s Wahl 74 w/ Sticker (BCHR, Grecian Border pattern, NPT, lever filler, 14k XF Superflex nib). This standard-sized model measures 5 3/16” capped. Before Wahl introduced its Gold Seal pens in the late 1920s, the company manufactured some stunning flat tops exemplified by this one. It's made of black hard rubber, chased in the geometric Art Deco design referred to by collectors as Greek Key or Grecian Border. Nickel-plated trim includes Wahl’s functional, patented roller-clip. Astonishingly, this pen has its original sticker affixed to the cap. It reads: “746 Fine / Grecian Bdr. / $4.25.” Super-Flexible 14k Wahl #4 nib lays down a smooth and consistent XF line (by the standards above) that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.2mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Thin hairlines, highly responsive snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another great choice for calligraphic writing styles. Condition: excellent+ [B+]. Hard rubber is factory black with no discernible fading. Chasing is factory sharp and deep with no discernible wear. Surface is smooth and lustrous with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Nickel-plated trim is pristine aside from slivers of drawer wear on the side edges of the clip and subtle stippling of wear on the lever under a loupe. Number stamp on barrel end is factory deep. Manufacturer imprint on cap is covered by the sticker band but I’d imagine it’s factory deep and fully legible as well. The only stickered Wahl of this vintage I’ve ever offered. Price: $380 SOLD
 
3. c.1918 Mabie Todd Oversized Swan No. 6 (BCHR, NPT, lever filler, 14k XF Superflex nib). This oversized pen has a thick girth and a considerable length that makes it too long for the tray! Longer than both a 46 Eternal and a Waterman 56, it measures 5 3/4” capped. This impressive pen is made of black chased hard rubber with nickel-plated trim. Early, oversized Mabie Todds were made in much smaller numbers and are orders of magnitude tougher to find than later Eternals of the same size. This is an example of one of Mabie Todd's earliest screw cap models when most FPs had been slip-caps. So early they found it necessary to stamp the cap at the top with the words "screw cap tightly" above an arrow pointing counter-clockwise to make it user-friendly (DETAIL PHOTO)! Another perk of these early pens were the expressive nibs, to be contrasted with the rigid nails so common on later pens such as Eternals. The commensurably oversized Mabie Todd #6 nib on this pen is a Super-Flexible writer with snap-back like a snapping turtle’s! It lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.4mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Thin hairlines, superbly responsive snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it another great choice for calligraphic writing styles. Condition: excellent+ [B+]. What first struck me about this pen was the factory crisp chasing – no weakening whatsoever – that evinces the appeal of these pens when new. Black hard rubber is dark black in color with just a hint of fading revealed when one uncaps the barrel and compares to the portion covered by the cap. Nickel-plated trim looks pristine to the naked eye but shows hairsbreadth slivers of drawer wear on the bottom right and top edges of the clip under a loupe. Hard rubber has a smooth and lustrous finish with no deep scratches or other noteworthy flaws. Manufacturer imprints on barrel and cap are factory deep and fully legible. Not a common pen in any condition, downright rare when they’re this clean. Price: $520 [ON HOLD]
 
4. 1920s Flat Top Custom Retrofit (BCHR, NPT, lever filler, XXF Wet Noodle nib). This full-sized pen measures 5 1/4” capped. This pen lacks any maker’s marks, but it’s of solid construction with an interesting barrel threads design. It’s made of black chased hard rubber with nickel-plated trim. This pen came to me nibless, so I’ve performed one of my custom dip-pen nib retrofits that’s a particularly good match, performing with the same smoothness and consistency under flex as a factory nib. Feed and nib have been tuned to dial in the flow. That 14k iridium-tipped nib, stamped A Norton & Son New York, is a Wet Noodle with painterly softness and flow. It lays down a smooth and consistent XXF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.0mm) under minimal pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Anything more than grazing the page suffices to widen the tines. Effortless variation, needlepoint hairlines, precisely responsive snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it an ideal choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. I did have to slow down a bit to optimize flow under full flex, so some experimentation with inks wetter than Waterman Serenity Blue (there are many) might be in order if you prefer to write faster. Condition: excellent [B]. Black hard rubber retains its factor black color with no fading. Chasing is factory sharp and deep aside from a portion running from the right side of the lever to the blank space on the barrel, where it’s mostly worn away. Nickel-plated trim is clean aside from some subtle wear on the spade and sides of the lever visible under a loupe. A delightful writer for those looking to dip their toes into vintage flex and want the softest nib they can find. Price: $250
 
5. 1920s W.A. Hartline Masonic Self-Blotting Pen (BCHR, GFT, lever filler, 14k F Superflex nib). This pen has a standard girth and measures 5” capped. In the 19th and early-20th centuries, it was common to use an ink blotter to absorb excess ink from the paper to prevent feathering and expedite the drying process. In the early days of FPs a handful of makers experimented with integrating these blotters into the pen itself. The idea never quite caught on, so these pens are quite uncommon today. This “Self Blotting” pen, made by the W.A. Hartline company of Tampa, FL is equipped with a removable, gold-filled cap crown with the embossed, square and compass emblem of the Freemasons integrated into the top. Underneath that crown is a roller ink-blotter built into the cap (DETAIL PHOTO). What a combination! The pen itself is made of black chased hard rubber and I believe all of the trim to be gold-filled. Super-Flexible 14k Warranted #2 nib lays down a smooth and consistent F line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.2mm) under light pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Strong snap-back and reliably wet flow over its full range of flex make it a great choice for calligraphic writing styles in a bold hand. Condition: excellent [B]. Hard rubber retains its dark black color with just a bit of even fading visible under some lights. Chasing shows even, moderate wear. Hard rubber has a smooth, lustrous surface with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Gold-filled trim is exceptionally clean with no brassing or other notable blemishes. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is factory deep and fully legible. A fascinating historical curiosity and a lovely writer to boot! Price: $240 [ON HOLD]
 
6. 1920s Waterman 92 1/2 (BCHR, GPT, lever filler, 14k XF Flex nib). This slender (1/2-sized) model is longer than a ring top but slightly shorter than a 52, measuring 4 3/4” capped and 6” posted. Not to be confused with the later, celluloid 92, this 92 1/2 is made of black chased hard rubber with gold-plated trim. It’s the first I’ve ever encountered. Cap came clipless from the factory (no holes drilled for a clip), but has been outfitted with a gold-plated accommodation clip. Based on its absence from US catalogues, I believe this model was made strictly for foreign export. The barrel has a Canadian imprint while the nib reads “Ideal / England,” it being a common practice for Waterman’s Canadian pens to be finished in England. That 14k nib is a Flexible writer (note change from writing sample after taking measurement. It lays down a smooth and consistent XF line that widens to a 3B+ (approx 1.8mm) under moderate pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Thin hairlines and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it a great choice for shaded writing. Condition: fine [C]. This pen has no functional flaws but does show some use. Hard rubber is an even dark chocolate color – still much darker than the brown these can turn. Chasing is significantly yet evenly weakened across the cap and barrel. Hard rubber surface is smooth with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Gold-plating on the lever has a sliver of brassing in the center and parts of the clip look tarnished, though I’m not sure this amounts to full-fledged brassing. Manufacturer imprint on barrel and number stamp on barrel end are weakened but fully legible. An affordable user and a lovely writer for those wondering at what all the fuss is about early Watermans. Price: $170
 
7. 1910s Sheaffer-Clip Ring Top (BCHR, GPT, lever filler, 14k XXF Wet Noodle nib). This short, vestpocket model measures 4 9/16” capped and 5 3/4” posted. It was Walter A. Sheaffer who first patented the lever-filling fountain pen in 1908. In 1912 he founded the Sheaffer pen company and his revolutionary design was met with resounding acclaim. In the 1910s, when the pocket clip and lever filler were recent innovations, Sheaffer pens were typically marked "Sheaffer-Clip" on the clips and "Self-Filling" on the nibs to distinguish them from the oldfangled clipless eyedroppers of other makers. Most of their model lineup in this period – before stiff, manifold nibs became the rage in the mid-20s – was comprised of simple black hard rubber pens with long-tined gold nibs. They are every bit as flexible as early Waterman's, which are more common today. But Sheaffers are typically more responsive (having stronger snap-back). This early flat top is made of black chased hard rubber with gold-plated ring top on the cap for attaching to a chatelaine or pocket chain. 14k Sheaffer Self-Filling nib is a Wet Noodle with softness and flow comparable to that of a dip pen nib. It lays down a smooth and consistent XXF line that widens to a 4B+ (approx 2.0mm) under minimal pressure (see WRITING SAMPLE). Anything more than grazing the page suffices to widen the tines. Effortless variation, needlepoint hairlines, precisely responsive snap-back, and reliable flow over its full range of flex make it an ideal choice for calligraphic writing styles such as Copperplate and Spencerian. Condition: near mint [B+]. This pen saw so little use it looks like some thing plucked from a time capsule. Hard rubber is close to factory black with virtually no fading. Chasing is factor sharp and crisp. Surface is smooth and lustrous with no deep scratches or other notable blemishes. Gold-plated trim is pristine with no brassing or other noteworthy flaws. Manufacturer imprint on barrel is factory deep and fully legible. Price: $210 SOLD
 
 
 
Shipping: Pens purchased on the weekend are mailed on Tuesday. Otherwise they are mailed within 2 business days of payment. All pens that do not come with their original boxes are packaged in PVC or thick plastic tubes to protect them in transit. To CONUS locations the following shipping options are available:

• USPS First-Class with tracking for $5 Due to the delivery delays that continue under postmaster general DeJoy, I strongly recommend that the Priority shipping option be chosen. All packages will include full insurance (covered by me). Rest assured that a full refund is guaranteed (issued through Paypal) in the event of a lost parcel and you will not have to wait until I receive a reimbursement from the USPS.
  
• USPS Priority with tracking for $9
  

International Customers: Please contact me for shipping quote if located abroad (delivery confirmation required). (Note: due to the issues stated above, my international shipping options are currently limited. PM for more info). Please do not ask me to commit mail fraud by altering the declared value of a pen for customs. Not only am I registered as a business but shipping insurance is based on declared value.
New York Customers: For tax purposes, I am now required to add an 8% sales tax on any sale made in the state of NY. If your shipping address is in NY state, please let me know before payment to receive an adjusted total. Discounted shipping is included for NY State residents to help defray the extra cost.
Ordering: Pens are placed on hold for the first person to reply to the thread and PM me with firm request to purchase (no chat DMs please). A request with the words “I'd like to purchase [pen number]” would be best to avoid confusion), to which I’ll reply with payment details. Please note that a message inquiring into a price discount does not suffice to place a pen on hold. If I haven't received Paypal payment within 24 hrs after a hold is placed, then pen(s) may become available to the next person.
Payment, & Guarantee: Payment by Paypal only. All pens are guaranteed to be in the condition in which I've described them. If I've missed something objectionable or the filling mechanism is not fully functional, the buyer may contact me up to 7 days after receiving the pen for a full refund (issued once I receive the pen back in the same condition as sold). Buyer must ship the return no later than 2 weeks after it was delivered to receive a refund. I've sold pens online for over a decade. Please check my past listings here as well as on the classifieds and historical sales forums on FPN (username: Estragon) and FPGeeks (popcod) for some of my previous offerings.
 
 
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• Waterman Nurse’s Sets
  
• Off-Catalogue Sheaffer Stubby Balance Lifetime
  
• Psychedelic Bayard Excselsior
  
• Waterman Taperite Citation
  
• Conklin Enduras, Nozac
  

I have two dogs that I’ve had since before meeting my now Fiance. Sometimes I refer to them as “my dogs” like, “be back soon I am going to take my dogs for a walk” and he will say cutely, you mean “our dogs” I think it’d be cute to have the dogs present him with a form to sign saying he adopts them or is officially their dog dad once we are married :P Does anyone know what the form should have on it? Or if there are ones that already exist? I don’t want the form to look like I’m signing OVER the dogs to him lol just that we are both their “parents”

I have legally changed my name, ssc, as well as my drivers license (including my gender marker on my license). I am trying to update my birth certificate now, I sent them the two notarized files required, my license, my ssc, a letter from my doctor, as well as my court ordered name change. They sent me a letter back stating I don’t meet the requirements and to refer to that above rule number ^ I have no idea what it means and am very confused as to what I am missing. If anyone has any experience with this or advice that would be tremendously appreciated !!

Is there a way for me to check my appointments for it online? Was still waiting for my initial appointment and I just got a letter saying that I missed it a week and a half ago apparently. And it said that if they don’t hear from me in 10 days (today being the 10th day) they’ll assume I’m not interested. I never got anything in the mail for it, and I never received a text through the portal like I got when I sent my initial request.
I called and left a voicemail with it being Sunday and all, I hope that will be enough I really need this. But for future reference how can I make sure this doesn’t happen again?

Two and a half years ago, I sent a final letter to my N-father to please leave us (myself, teen child, husband) alone. I'm in my 50s; the letter severing things was as compassionate as I could be and didn't go into past hurts in detail, only expressing that my dad and his wife (a bully) had negatively affected my mental--and due to serious anxiety attacks about them--physical health. There was also the issue of the blatant favoritism the folks have toward one of my half-sibs and their kids; myself being the black sheep and my family were only treated as an afterthought. Like, everyone else makes plans and then they tell us. Our teen would regularly receive birthday gifts that looked like they were dug out of the junk drawer, not particularly personal or even new. It took about a year or so after this letter to deal with the fallout of severing contact. One of my half-sibs (I have two, both quite a bit younger) was very angry with me for 'creating a broken family'. Our father left before I was even born, so I was born into one, nonetheless... over time, my anxiety levels subsided as well as physical symptoms (like TMJ from grinding/clenching, eczema flare ups, lousy lost sleep,stress-induced IBS and more) improving.
Things had been going pretty well until yesterday morning. Our teen's seventeenth birthday was a couple weeks ago, and my husband found a birthday card for kiddo in the mail. It was already open, no suprise due to postal service/crappy glue on envelope, but it was a card from my father with a gift card in it. Won't lie-- I felt sick, like I'd been suckerpunched. Teen was confused; we told teen we'd comp them the amount of the gift card, and that we were sending it all back. Teen was sweet and said they didn't need the money, but we felt that this was the right thing to do. I was furious and went to take a long walk.
One thing that I learned about my past a few years back was that when I was much younger( elementary school) and my mom didn't allow my father in my life, he and his current wife came to our neighborhood and took photos of me walking home from school. Essentially, stalking. He had signed away parental rights and my mom's second husband adopted me. My father is someone who gets indignant, he's always on about being 'disrespected' by everyone--- he's an exhausting misogynist fundamentalist, and they think our family is 'weird' and going to hell, so there's that. His wife is a covert narcissist and has bullied me most of the time I knew her. My concern is that they might do the same weird stalking thing to our teen. The fact that she stated that she used to have fantasies of 'rescuing' me from my also narc mom (yes, swimming in narcisssists!) is also concerning. She doesn't understand boundaries unless they're her own, LOL.
Part of the reason I want to protect our teen is that they are queer and I know how they treated one of my sibs gay kids (not well); and teen also has autism (I likely do as well). They are intolerant and bigoted, but my father also has a 'no one can tell me what to do' attitude. I sent the card/gift and a short letter stating that it was clear that he didn't care about my mental health and this 'gesture' only confirmed that he's selfish and doesn't care about us and what we need for peace.
I also sent my half-sibs a note asking them to please not share any further family photos, etc of us due to this safety concern, and that we are going to be sharing with the school that if my folks show up, call law enforcement.
I hate feeling like this. I slept like crap, eczema has flared up again and my anxiety is at a low droning constant hum. I feel flooded, just like I'm existing in life right now. I hate these people so much. My sibs haven't responded (I told them they didn't need to and that I'll continue with not discussing the folks with them further), so other than my husband, I don't really have an adult familial support. Plus, my therapist is out of town for the next couple weeks.
All I want is to be left alone and regain the peace we've had for the past 2.5 years. At this point, I'm considering getting a civil attorney if this keeps up, to sue for intentional infliction of emotional distress or something. If I'm going to have to go back to therapy more intensely, at least he can pay to play.
Anyone else deal with this sort of 'change back' move? The end run around me to get to our teen was just the shittiest thing I've dealt with in a long time: he forced me into a lose/lose position of either allowing the contact or taking a gift away from our kid-- he picked the wrong lady to mess with, because unlike his cowardly butt, I've had to fight for myself my entire life and have the anger of a thousand suns on my side.

I (23, F) don’t know how much I can take. I’m struggling to find the right words to write so apologies for my grammar in advance
The whole story will be too long. But to try cut it short, my mother passed away when I was 9. I was a young carer and looked after since all throughout my childhood. When she passed I moved in with her adoptive family.
They were very strict. My life was essentially church, school and home from ages 10-18. I received excessive punishments (like having my bank card taken away for 3 years). I got shouted at and interrogated for the smallest of things. I lived my life walking on eggshells. I was became terrified of coming home no matter where I was coming from, and avoided doing things like, using the bathroom or going to the kitchen if other family members were in that room or near it. I didn't want the risk of my presence being acknowledged.
But my family always act like everything is okay. This goes as far as barely even acknowledging my mums death. Since l've lived there l've never been taken to seen her tombstone, we don't celebrate her birthday/death anniversary, all her clothes were thrown away/given away. Even on mother's day nobody says anything about her. Yet I am expected to partake in their own Mother’s Day celebrations.
Also, I will get shouted at and have horrible things said to me but then literally the next day they are joking with me or acting like everything is fine. This is a constant theme. And I feel crazy because of it. I feel like I don’t know if I’m exaggerating things or if my memory is wrong or if I’m just a bad person. I end up looking bad or evil and feeling that way too if I don’t just get over things and move on.
There are some family members who have been nice to me for a while but I just cannot move past being told certain things, knowing how I had felt all of those years. Or remembering how they turned a blind eye to how other family members were treating me. Or even supported them during it.
Overall I just don’t feel connected to these people. I feel like I don’t know them. I feel indifferent about them. My dilemma comes in because I still live with them but I feel like it’s so difficult for me to leave
I have been trying to move out for months, I managed to save up just over 6 grand. I have been trying to get a job but I’ve been struggling to find one, especially because I won’t pass reference checks without one. And for my own stability I need a job so I can move out, 6k won’t last me more than a few months (including rent) on my own. I have thought about moving away and starting over in another country but once again I feel like 6k isn’t enough and it will be hard to get a job overseas, it’s too big of a risk. I try to find places that don’t require reference checks via SpareRoom and I get ghosted, I send messages and I get ignored. Even after viewings I will get ignored or told that the room is taken. I feel like my back is up against the wall.
Every single day I feel like my livelihood is being chipped away, like what fucking gives?? It genuinely feels like I can’t have anything, like I can’t be happy. And I feel like even if I do move out and try to cut them off, the guilt will consume me.
I really just want peace and to be happy, for once. And to not feel trapped anymore

"I am going to be 48 years old in a few weeks. I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder since I was twenty years old. Much of my life, I have met all of the criteria of this disorder, and I have had a long, hard road ahead once it dawned on me that it was true. I have a fundamental dysfunction in my personality. I cannot cope with the world because at my core, I am unable to maintain stability as a functional adult for long periods of time due to my impulsive nature and my ability to forgive and love unconditionally. I don't know how to reconcile those traits with a healthy and successful life. My relationships are 'ride or die,' with me as the enabledoormat/reactionary drama queen. I tend to date men who need constant, obsessive attention and servitude, with them being the dominant to my submissive, their ego to my down-to-earth, and they are the Narcissist to my Borderline. I don't want to romanticize like so many JokeHarley memes, but this has been the way that it has gone for far too long.
My upbringing wasn't even close to being abusive. I was the only child, and my parents stayed married. I was sheltered, with no physical or sexual abuse; both of my parents were good people who loved me. It wasn't easy; we lacked money but never love. We struggled, but there were so many things that were different than for most people, in cool ways and in ways that were not cool. But never was I considered 'normal.'
One of the challenges of being Borderline is the difficulty in being our own therapist. Not because of this new 'favorite person' misinformation, but because we struggle with justifying anything. We see very little wrong with the way we are; we just need to know how we can make others understand that it's okay that we are intense, unpredictable in a predictable way, and humanly sensitive to everything that affects us. We insert ourselves into everything so we can let it all affect us. We claim that we didn't realize that we're supposed to change because we see no problem with the way we are; it's other people who are concerned, and we are not concerned with what people think (except when we are). So why do we have to change? It's our life, the one that is unmanageable and dysfunctional, and giving us unhoused vibes. This is still our life, and it's not easy to get through that we need to act accordingly because we don't care about your self-esteem; why do you care about ours?
So, we are often pushed into admitting that we can potentially be a little bit much. We are painted into the roles of the serial killer and the horrible Narcissistic Personality Disorder twin flame that nobody trusts because we follow our hearts (and we tend to hold grudges). Our dynamics are different, but we all follow astrology. Our sign is 'complete psycho' most of the time. I have been trying to figure out how to make it so we can get along with the world and it is not our enemy...but people keep messing up the whole situation.
People with borderline personality disorder may exhibit fear of abandonment through intense and unstable relationships. They might go to great lengths to avoid real or perceived abandonment, such as clinging to others, becoming quickly and intensely attached, or displaying extreme reactions (anger, panic, or depression) when they anticipate abandonment.
Abandonment fears can lead to impulsive actions to prevent separation or worse, therefore it's important to seek professional help for a comprehensive understanding and support. Additionally, individuals with BPD may engage in frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, such as making frantic, impulsive gestures to maintain a connection, even if those actions are not in their best interest. They might experience intense feelings of emptiness when alone and may go to extremes to fill that void. These behaviors can strain relationships, making it challenging for individuals with BPD to establish and maintain stable connections with others. Therapy, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), is often recommended to help manage and address these challenges.
Patterns of instability in borderline personality disorder (BPD) refer to consistent and recurring disruptions in various aspects of a person's life. This instability typically manifests in the following areas:

1. Relationships: Individuals with BPD often experience tumultuous relationships marked by extremes of idealization and devaluation. Their attitudes and feelings toward others may change rapidly, contributing to a cycle of intense, yet unstable, interpersonal connections.
   
2. Self-Image: BPD can involve an unstable sense of self. Individuals may struggle with a fluctuating self-identity, feeling uncertain about who they are, their values, and their life goals. This instability in self-perception can lead to a lack of direction and purpose.
   
3. Emotions: Emotional instability is a hallmark of BPD. Intense and rapidly shifting emotions, such as anger, anxiety, and sadness, can be challenging to regulate. Mood swings may occur in response to external events or perceived threats to relationships.
   
4. Impulsivity: Impulsive behaviors in areas like spending, substance abuse, reckless driving, or unsafe sexual practices are common in individuals with BPD. These actions often stem from a desire to alleviate emotional distress or avoid perceived abandonment.
   

These patterns of instability can significantly impact a person's daily functioning and relationships, making it crucial for individuals with BPD to seek professional help for effective management and support. In the context of borderline personality disorder (BPD), impulsivity refers to engaging in behaviors without careful consideration of the consequences. Individuals with BPD may display impulsive actions in various areas of their lives, such as:

1. Spending: Reckless and impulsive spending, often beyond one's means, is common in individuals with BPD.
   
2. Substance Abuse: Engaging in impulsive and risky behaviors related to substance use, including alcohol and drugs.
   
3. Sexual Behavior: Unplanned and impulsive sexual encounters, sometimes without regard for potential consequences, can occur.
   
4. Reckless Driving: Impulsive and risky driving behaviors, such as speeding or dangerous maneuvers.
   
5. Self-Harm: Engaging in impulsive self-harming behaviors as a way to cope with intense emotions.
   

Impulsivity in BPD can be driven by a desire to alleviate emotional pain, boredom, or to avoid perceived abandonment. Developing coping strategies and emotional regulation skills through therapy, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can be beneficial in managing impulsive behaviors associated with BPD.
Identity disturbance in borderline personality disorder (BPD) refers to a pervasive and unstable sense of self. Individuals with BPD may struggle with a coherent and consistent understanding of who they are, which can manifest in several ways:

1. Self-Image Fluctuations: A person with BPD may experience rapid shifts in self-perception, ranging from feeling exceptionally positive to extremely negative about themselves. This can occur within short periods.
   
2. Uncertainty About Goals and Values: Individuals with identity disturbance may have difficulty establishing and maintaining long-term goals or consistent values. They might struggle with defining their life direction and purpose.
   
3. Chameleon-Like Adaptation: Some individuals with BPD may adopt different personas or behaviors in different social situations, often as a means to fit in or avoid rejection. This can lead to a lack of stable and authentic self-expression. Intense Fear of Abandonment: The fear of abandonment can exacerbate identity issues, as individuals may shape their identity based on the perceived expectations or desires of others, leading to a lack of a stable core sense of self.
   

Addressing identity disturbance in BPD often involves therapeutic interventions, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) or psychodynamic therapy. These approaches aim to help individuals explore and develop a more stable and authentic sense of self.
Dissociation in borderline personality disorder (BPD) refers to a coping mechanism where individuals disconnect from their thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of identity. This disconnection can occur as a response to stress, trauma, or overwhelming emotions. Dissociative experiences in BPD may include:

1. Depersonalization: Feeling detached from oneself, as if observing from outside the body.
   
2. Derealization: Perceiving the external environment as unreal or distorted.
   
3. Amnesia: Gaps in memory, especially related to stressful events or periods of intense emotion.
   
4. Identity Confusion: Momentary lapses in awareness of one's identity or feeling unsure about who they are.
   

Dissociation serves as a way for individuals with BPD to manage distress, particularly when emotions become too overwhelming. However, it can interfere with daily functioning and contribute to difficulties in relationships. Therapy, especially approaches like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and trauma-focused therapy, may help individuals develop healthier coping mechanisms and address dissociative experiences.
Certainly, here are some examples of dissociative experiences that individuals with borderline personality disorder (BPD) may encounter:

1. Depersonalization: Feeling as though you are watching yourself from a distance, almost like being an observer rather than an active participant in your own life.
   
2. Derealization: Perceiving the external world as strange, unreal, or distorted. You may be on a heavy trip off mushrooms and wandering around the closet park in the middle of the night feels different when you are over 40. It hits different, and you can get in a lot more trouble than experimenting teenagers. You're not holding a job long under these circumstances.
   
3. Amnesia: Having periods of time where you cannot recall significant details or events, especially those associated with heightened emotional states or trauma. If you are being sedated for trying to call the same number over and over at three am because you desperately need to move to
   
4. Identity Confusion: Brief moments of not recognizing oneself or feeling uncertain about personal identity, values, or goals. Taking in the attributes of your signiotg
   

It's important to note that dissociative experiences can vary widely among individuals, and not everyone with BPD will necessarily experience these examples. If you or someone you know is experiencing dissociation or other symptoms associated with BPD, seeking professional help from a mental health practitioner is crucial for appropriate diagnosis and support.
Suicidal ideation in borderline personality disorder (BPD) involves persistent thoughts about death, dying, or the desire to end one's life. Individuals with BPD may experience varying degrees of suicidal thoughts, ranging from fleeting notions to detailed plans. Some aspects of suicidal ideation in BPD include:

1. Frequency and Intensity: Suicidal ideation can be a chronic feature, with thoughts occurring regularly or intermittently. The intensity can range from vague thoughts to detailed plans.
   
2. Impulsivity: Individuals with BPD may be prone to impulsive behaviors, and this impulsivity can extend to suicidal acts or self-harming behaviors during periods of emotional distress.
   
3. Sense of Hopelessness: Suicidal thoughts in BPD can be linked to a pervasive sense of hopelessness, often fueled by challenges in relationships, identity, and emotional regulation.
   
4. Coping Mechanism: For some, suicidal ideation may serve as a coping mechanism, providing a perceived escape from emotional pain or a means to regain control.
   

Addressing suicidal ideation in BPD requires immediate attention from mental health professionals. Therapeutic interventions, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), can be effective in helping individuals manage intense emotions and develop healthier coping strategies. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, it's crucial to seek help from a mental health professional or a crisis hotline immediately.
Mood swings in borderline personality disorder (BPD) are characterized by rapid and intense changes in emotional states. These fluctuations can occur in response to various triggers or even without apparent cause. Key aspects of mood swings in BPD include:

1. Intensity: Emotions can shift from one extreme to another rapidly, with individuals experiencing intense feelings of joy, anger, sadness, or anxiety.
   
2. Instability: The duration of mood swings can be brief, lasting only a few hours or days. This instability contributes to the challenge of predicting or managing emotional states.
   
3. Triggered by Interpersonal Events: Mood swings in BPD often correlate with interpersonal stressors, such as perceived rejection, criticism, or the fear of abandonment.
   
4. Impact on Relationships: The intensity and unpredictability of mood swings can strain relationships, as others may find it challenging to understand or respond to the rapidly changing emotional landscape.
   

Therapeutic approaches, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), focus on helping individuals with BPD recognize and regulate their emotions, providing skills to manage mood swings effectively.
The term "Cluster B" refers to one of the four personality disorder clusters outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Cluster B personality disorders share certain features, including dramatic, emotional, and erratic behaviors. This grouping includes the following personality disorders:

1. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): Characterized by instability in relationships, self-image, and emotions, along with impulsive and self-destructive behaviors.
   
2. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): Involves an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, and a lack of empathy for others.
   
3. Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD): Characterized by a disregard for the rights of others, impulsivity, deceitfulness, and a lack of remorse after harming others.
   
4. Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD): Involves a need for attention, dramatic and seductive behavior, and intense emotions that may be perceived as shallow.
   

These personality disorders within Cluster B share some common traits, such as difficulties in forming and maintaining relationships, impulsivity, and emotional dysregulation. However, each disorder within the cluster has distinct features and diagnostic criteria. The clustering is a way to organize and understand patterns of personality pathology for diagnostic and treatment purposes.
Diagnosing borderline personality disorder (BPD) typically involves a comprehensive assessment by a mental health professional. Several tools and methods are used to gather information, including:

1. Clinical Interviews: A mental health professional conducts thorough interviews to assess the individual's symptoms, emotional experiences, and history of relationships. These interviews may involve discussions about mood, identity, impulsivity, and interpersonal difficulties.
   
2. Diagnostic Criteria: The assessment often involves evaluating the individual against established diagnostic criteria, such as those outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Meeting specific criteria is essential for a formal diagnosis.
   
3. Structured Interviews: Mental health professionals may use structured interviews designed to elicit specific information related to BPD symptoms. These interviews help standard ize the diagnostic process.
   
4. Self-Report Questionnaires: Individuals may be asked to complete self-report questionnaires designed to assess various aspects of personality, emotional experiences, and interpersonal functioning.
   
5. Collateral Information: Information from family members, close friends, or other relevant sources may be considered to gain a more comprehensive understanding of the individual's behavior and relationships.
   

It's important to note that a diagnosis of BPD should be made by a qualified mental health professional based on a thorough assessment. Early diagnosis and intervention are crucial for individuals with BPD to receive appropriate treatment and support.
Here's the continuation of the edited text:
Cluster B Personality Disorder #clusterb #clusterbs #bpd-dbt #dbt #fearofabandonment #linean
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C8: Consider a GM for a moment. What’s a Game Master? We know what a game is. We know what a master is. But thrust them together and then thrust them into the unique form of Classic D&D and you have a much different meaning than as today realized. Perhaps a Game Master, then, could have been described as a person who: creates, maintains, envisions, manipulates, sets examples, teaches, ponders, acts, concludes, imagines, re-imagines, recreates, makes mistakes, creates emotive responses, immerses, controls, sends, receives, evaluates, re-evaluates, humors, hopes, answers, neglects, makes-up for, codifies, reads, learns, is open, is mindful, transcends, is present, is observing as well as being observed, references, researches, approaches god-hood, is omniscient and fair. Though more could be added, it’s pretty much understood by the above that he or she’s an organic series of infinite processes that we otherwise refer to as a human.
…Well, would we want to be saying as thousands do who sample myriad premade adventures and worlds, "What did your players do at X point, or in X room, or in X situation? They did that?! Mine too!! CHECK…" I am all for differences. Wide and varied differences. Too many DMs seemingly think these days that it is a badge of honor to be the same, to have no differences, to group in mind, creation and purpose for sameness, and premade everything is a catalyst for it, especially when thousands of the same static events contained within these are used as-is and thus for determining if one--player or DM--is doing the in-game situation "the way it is supposed to be done."
However, I agree in general. One can draw upon many sources for imaginative reconstruction--but there is a caveat when these start replacing the proclivity to imagine and create wholesale. For instance, I participated in a DF discussion not so long ago. The upshot was that a DM was going to start a campaign using the continent of Africa. Many chimed in, but not one of them recommended primary resources for constructing same, only already published gamiest books, etc. I went on the 'net for a bit and found some tremendous maps and information sources and posted these with the encouragement to make it original.
There are differences in these approaches, pros and cons, but on the main the latter can only be good or better than continually assuming, as many do today, that we do not originate anything new, but only mimic, rearrange and/or borrow.
…You are confusing technique with creative force. There is no "How to" to CF, that is bred at birth, greatly expanded (or not) during childhood, intuitively practiced in later years (or not) and thereafter grown and sustained (or not) by each and every individual.
It is like asking, "How best is it to write?" as I have knowledge of the techniques of writing. The best answer to mastering any such hands-on subject is to do it and therein find your own creative form. This addresses "form" vs "formula" the latter which seems so prevalent in this medium.
Each DM's form will also differ according to the range of material being presented "in each moment," just as different types of stories have varying weights applied to them at different times by the author creating these.Also note the last question of my [recent] interview as this is a better starting point, mastering story, for any GM as far as techniques go, and this too cannot be tricked into being.
Also, this question is being asked in a vacuum. It addresses current DMs (i.e. largely considered as a whole, "veteran DMs") and their thoughts on this as culled from experience but does not, as far as I can see within it, address fledgling DMs, that is, newcomers to the art. While exclusionary, it paints a definite process which was not true for those veterans when newcomers themselves.
The process of learning to DM/story-telling is best discovered in the trenches by creating our own dungeons/locales. This personalizes the experience 100% and builds in layers of confidence, objectivity and other enhancements of a greater type not found in running pre-made adventures. The difference between creating your own story and reading it aloud rather than reading aloud another's.
For the most part many of us were weaned in "Fun House" climes; but whatever the "adventure" environment, one learns rudiments and essentials and these thereafter take root and grow according to the prevailing creative force in every individual as expressed through personal understanding and application, and in differing degrees.
C18: Unlike escapisms such as fiction, Classic D&D proved not to be of that category due to its creative component: its overt use was not an escape from the statistical, mechanical and robot-like malaise of life. It was a curative agent for it. Within it one painted their own fantastical landscapes without the looming shadow of the master hovering over their shoulders. “Did I do it right” was of no consequence for self. “Doing it” was.
C23: Imagine: You’re in this foreign environment with decrepit rooms, cobwebbed walls and uneven and stained floors, and wherein the smell of decay and other foreign scents are constantly assailing you; where noises are at times close and closing or far-away and receding, with both instances offset by periods of eerie silence; then a pitter patter of something scurrying; then a wretched squeal, more silence, and then a gust of wind filled with the stench of ages that blows out your torch... And so it goes. We can either work particles such as these into the adventure and achieve immersion or ignore them as inconsequential and continue in game mode to the “next door or room.” One route leads to Fantasy plus a die roll, while the other leads only to the latter.

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• ANOVA Bar Graph, Boxplot, Dot Plot, Histogram, Pie Chart Bias Binomial, Exponential, Poisson, Gamma, Uniform Distribution Central Limit Theorem Chi-Square Test Coefficient of Determination (R^2) Conditional & Relative Probability Confidence Interval Correlation Coefficient (r) Critical Region Critical Value Descriptive & Inferential Statistics Effect Size Expected Value Experiment vs Observation Goodness of Fit Test Hypothesis Testing Interpolation & Extrapolation Interquartile Range (IQR) Kurtosis Left, Negative, Right, Positive Skewed Distribution Logistic Regression Mean, Median, Mode, Midrange Multiple Regression Nominal, Ordinal, Interval, Ratio I Population Parameter Normal, Symmetric & Bell Shaped Distribution Null & Alternate Hypothesis One & Two Sample T-Test One & Two Sample Z-Test Ordinary Least Squares Outliers P-Value Pooled Variance (Equal Variances) Proportion R^2 Range Regression Regression Line Reject & Fail to Reject Ho Relative & Cumulative Frequency Distributions Relativity & Reliability Right, Left, One, Two Tailed Tailed Hypothesis Test Sample Statistics Sampling Methods (Convenience, Stratified, Simple, Cluster, Systematic) Significance Level (1%, 5%, 10%) Skewness Standard Deviation& Variance T-Score Test Statistic Time Series Type I & Type II Errors Unbiased Estimators Z-Score

ALGEBRA HELP:

• I am well-versed in helping students do well in Algebra 1 & 2 College Algebra Intermediate Algebra Pre-Algebra and I am very knowledgeable and proficient in the following algebra topics in alphabetical order:
• Absolute Values Circle Equation Domain Exponents Graphing Horizontal & Vertical Asymptotes Inequalities, Equations & Functions Inverse Functions Linear, Exponential, Logarithmic, Quadratic Equations Logarithms Maximum & Minimum Values of a Graph Number Lines One-to-One Functions Parallel & Perpendicular Lines Plotting Points & Ordered Pairs Point-Slope Form Polynomial Division Polynomials Radicals Range Rational & Irrational Expressions Rational Functions Real Roots Real Zeros Relations & Functions Slope Slope-Intercept Form Square Roots Standard Form of a Line System of Equations System of Inequalities Variables X and Y Intercepts

CALCULUS HELP:

• I am well-versed in helping students do well in Calculus I, II & III, Calculus 1, 2 & 3, Business Calculus, Multivariable Calculus, Vector Calculus and I am very knowledgeable and proficient in the following calculus topics in alphabetical order:
• Absolute & Local Maximum and Minimum Antiderivative Area & Volume Chain Rule Concavity Continuity Convergence Test Critical Points Curvature Curve of Rotation Curve Sketching Derivatives Divergence Test First & Second Derivative Test Fourier Series Implicit Differentiation Increasing / Decreasing Functions Infinite Series Integrals Integration by Parts Jacobian Matrix Limits L’Hopital’s Rule Maclaurin Series Mean Value Theorem Partial Derivative Product & Quotient Rule Reiman Sum Related Rates Simpson’s Rule Solid of Revolution Substitution Rule Taylor Series

ATTRIBUTES THAT SET ME APART FROM OTHER TUTORS:

• I firmly believe that I have many attributes and skills that set me apart from other tutors. Below is a list of qualities that makes me an ideal fit to help you master your coursework:

I CAN AID STUDENTS TAKING PROCTORED ASSESSMENTS:

• Proficient in CollegeBoard AP Calculus AB, AP Calculus BC & AP Statistics exams.
• Skilled with International Baccalaureate Math Exams: IB Maths HL & IB Maths SL
• Can intentionally answer a few problems incorrectly at the student's request.
• Can text solutions to the student while they are taking a proctored exam.
• Upon request, can purposely obtain grades below an A (ex: B+, B, C+, C-).
• I can stretch out the time to a plausible length for timed exams and assignments before submitting them.
• Have reliable software that can change my IP address to match the closest major city near the student.
• I have exceptional multiple-choice exam-taking skills. I have mastered the various techniques to make calculated guesses for the correct option in standardized exams such as the SAT & GRE.

I CAN VERIFY MY ACADEMIC KNOWLEDGE & SKILLS:

• I have no problem with requests to solve sample problems upfront to prove my knowledge & proficiency of the course concepts.
• I can provide glowing references & strong examples of work done for past clients to verify my academic skills.
• I can also provide, upon request, complete detailed calculations with explanations for solutions to the problems worked on.
• I am quite skilled and adept in using multiple modernized educational platforms and software, including but not limited to: Brightspace MyStatLab D2L WebAssign Canvas MyMathLab Blackboard ALEKS
• Can format term papers and discussion posts in APA MLA Harvard Chicago Vancouver OSCOLA IEEE format.

I HAVE PAID ACCESS TO OVER 15 STUDY-HELP WEBSITES AND MATHEMATICAL SOFTWARE:

• I have multiple paid subscriptions to a wide range of academic tutoring resources, including Chegg, Quizlet, CourseHero, Brainly, Grammarly, Study. com, Bartleby, Slader, Transtutors, Slideshare, StudocU, Turnitin, Academia, SymboLab, WolframAlpha, and Scribd to help guide to solve exam & homework questions that I may not immediately know.
• However, I am smart enough not to blatantly plagiarize solutions online but instead write them in my own unique words, formatting, & mathematical terminology.
• I have access to a very sophisticated graphing calculator and various mathematical software that provides step-by-step solutions to complex mathematical problems within seconds, allowing me to provide exact solutions to the student in a timely manner.
• I have impeccable handwriting and a high-quality mobile scanner app that allows me to scan written solutions in very legible high-definition JPG, PNG, or PDF formats.

I ALWAYS ACCEPT CALLS:

• I have no problem speaking with potential clients on the phone.
• I have an authentic suburban upper-middle-class American accent, similar to the actor: Ben Stein.
• However, be wary of so-called “tutors” who refuse to accept any phone calls or have a strict “text / email only” policy.
• These “text-only” / “email-only” tutors are usually located outside the U.S. and are afraid their foreign accent will expose their true nationality.

I WRITE LIKE A PROFESSIONAL:

• Approximately 98% of the time, I write all my texts & emails in grammatically correct U.S. English with proper punctuation and occasional typo.
• Unlike some alleged “U.S.-based tutors,” I do NOT write using broken English or grammatically incorrect texting shorthand (example: "wut u need help wit??").
• I write my ad in proper American English, the same way I always text and email people.
• I can guide students on formatting & writing term papers, essays, and discussion posts in APA MLA Chicago Harvard format.
• If the tutor you’re checking out consistently writes using egregiously horrendous grammar, do you honestly think it’s a good idea to trust them to help you do well in your class?

MY EDUCATIONAL SOFTWARE OF EXPERTISE:

• I am very knowledgeable and well-versed in a wide range of educational software to tutor students in including but not limited to: Acellus ALEKS APEX Learning Aplia Blackboard Brightspace Canvas Cengage CengageNow Connect ConnectMath Connexus CPM D2L Discord Edmentum Eviews Examity Excel Hawkes Learning Honorlock Khan Academy Knewton LimeSpring Lumen Maple MasteringChemistry MasteringPhysics MathXL (XL) MATLAB McGraw-Hill Microsoft Word Minitab Moodle MyAccountingLab MyEconLab MyITLab MyLab My Lab MyMathLab My Math Lab MyOpenMath MyPsychLab MySocLab MyStatLab My Stat Lab NCSS Open Source Software Pearson PERT PlatoWeb PowerPoint Prezi R Respondus Lockdown Browser with Webcam Sapling SPSS Stata StraighterLine Straighter Line WebAssign Web Assign Webex (Cisco) WebWork Wiley WileyPlus Wonderlic Zoom

SCHOOLS FROM WHICH I'VE HELPED STUDENTS IN :
As of 2021, I have tutored and helped students enrolled at the following U.S. universities community colleges county & city colleges schools for-profit institutions listed below in alphabetical order:

• A - C: American Public University System (APUS) Arizona State Ashford Brigham Young Brown Broward California State (Fullerton) Capella Chamberlain (Illinois) Colorado Technical Columbia Columbia Southern Cornell
• D - K: Dallas College Dartmouth DeVry Excelsior College Florida International Florida State Full Sail Georgia State Grand Canyon Harvard Houston Community College Ivy Tech Community College Kaplan Kennesaw State Kent State
• L - T: Liberty Lone Star College System Kaplan Miami Dade Michigan State CUNY State University of New York (SUNY) Northern Virginia Ohio State University of Phoenix (UOP) Penn State Princeton Purdue (Davenport) San Diego State San Francisco State San Jose State Southern New Hampshire Southern Nevada Stanford St. Petersburg Strayer Texas Tech
• UNIVERSITY OF: Alabama Arizona California (UC) Central Florida Chicago Cincinnati Florida Houston Illinois (Urbana-Champaign) Iowa Maryland Minnesota Michigan North Texas Pennsylvania Southern Florida Texas Toronto
• U - Z: UCLA Extension Utah State Utah Valley Valencia Walden U Wake Technical Western Governors Wilmington Yale

I OFFER FLEXIBLE PAYMENT PLANS:

• I offer several unique payment plans, including a weekly plan, a discounted monthly plan, a discounted half-now / half-later plan, and highly discounted up-front rates.
• I can accept the following payment methods for my services: PayPal Debit Cards Square Cash Credit Cards Cash App Venmo.
• Only people located in North America have access to Venmo Cash App Zelle.
• This is an excellent way to determine if the person you're dealing with is from the United States.
• Within reason, I offer a partial or full money-Back guarantee if the student is very unsatisfied with my academic services.

HELP AVAILABLE FOR OTHER SUBJECTS:

• For other subjects, you can reach out to me, and I can connect you with one of my tutoring partners who can provide general academic assistance for the following subjects:
• Art & Design: Art History Design Film Studies
• Business: Accounting (Acc) Biz Courses Business Administration (Biz Admn) Business Calculus Business Law Business Statistics Corporate Finance Economics (Econ) Finance (Fin) Financial Accounting Intermediate Accounting Intermediate Microeconomics (Micro) Macroeconomics (Macro) Management (Mgmt) Managerial Accounting Marketing MBA
• Computer Science: C C++ Computer Programming (Comp) Java Python R (Introduction & Intermediate Level Only)
• Humanities: Communications (Comm) English Literature Essay & Term Paper Writing, Editing, Proofreading Essays History Papers Philosophy (Phil) Religious Studies Theology (Theo)
• Mathematics: A.P. Calculus AB & BC Psychology Statistics AP Statistics Bio statistics Calculus I (1) Calculus II (2) Calculus III (3) College Algebra Differential Equations Discrete Math Finite Math Functions General Math Geometry Liberal Arts Math Linear Algebra Multi-variable Calculus Partial Differential Equations Precalculus Probability Quantitative Reasoning Real Analysis Statistics Trigonometry (Trig) Vector Calculus
• Science & Medicine: Anatomy & Physiology (A & P) Biochemistry Biology (Bio) Biostatistics Earth Science Environmental Science General Chemistry (Chem) Healthcare Medicine Nursing Nutrition Organic Chemistry Physics (Phys)
• Social Sciences: Anthropology Economics (Econ) Geology Law & Justice Liberal Arts Liberal Studies Political Science Psychology Sociology

THE OBLIGATORY "IS THIS A SCAM?" QUESTION:
Considering the fact that you found my contact information online, it’s understandable to be skeptical regarding the legitimacy of my services. Therefore, I’m willing to do all of the following to help you feel more secure in trusting me with your academic needs:

• 1) Speak with you on the phone and answer any questions you may have so that you have the opportunity to assess and analyze my tone, articulation, accent, diction, dialect, regionalisms, pitch, vocabulary, word choice, intonations, and inflections.
• NOTE: I’m a New Jersey-born Irish/Italian-American, but I have been told that I speak in an erudite & articulate suburban American accent with a “professor style” voice somewhat resembling the voice of actor: Ben Stein.
• 2) Agree to do some homework questions of yours upfront with the work fully shown in real-time to prove my mastery of the course content.
• 3) Send you screenshots of at least five past scores I attained from completing exams & homework assignments for other students in the same type of class you need help with.
• 4) Send you full screenshots of written exam solutions I wrote up by hand for students in the past in the same course that you need help with so that you can see my neat handwriting.
• 5) Provide you with the contact information of students who have utilized my services in the past who would be more than willing to vouch for my skills.

HOW TO CONTACT ME:

• If you are interested in my services and would like to learn more info, please feel free to reach out to me.
• Text messages and email are the fastest and easiest ways to get in touch with me. However, I gladly accept phone calls.
• If I don't respond right away, I am most likely helping a student at the time and not currently available to speak on the phone. But I always make a solid effort to reply to texts, emails, and phone calls within an hour.

CONCLUSION:

• I take my work as a tutor very seriously, and I always aim to do my best to help my students excel in school. I have a solid and sincere passion for academic achievement, and with my help, I am positive that I can help students obtain very high grades with minimal stress and effort.
• Please feel free to contact me if you're interested in my services and would like to learn more. I'm available 24/7 via phone call, email, and text. Again, thank you for taking the time to read my Reddit tutoring ad, and I hope to hear from you soon!

OCT 2021 UPDATE: I am currently offering discount deals for requests for assistance with completing a student's entire course for the Fall 2024 semester (14 - 20 week courses acceptable), as well as discounts for students seeking help with multiple exams and/or multiple classes for Fall 2024. My availability for the Autumn 2024 / Fall 2024 semester will likely become limited very quickly as I receive more and more academic requests. Therefore it would be very advantageous to reach out to me for academic assistance before my schedule becomes too full.
MY CONTACT INFO:
WhatsApp: +1 (213) 594-5657
Call: +1 727 456 9641
Website: hiraedu. com
Email: info@hiraedu. com
IMPORTANT: When reaching out, please try to include the following information in the initial text message or email so that I can have all the important details necessary to determine the rate for my services:

• Name You Prefer to Be Called
• Name of the Class You Need Help With
• Type of Assessment Help Needed: (Entire Course, Exams Only, HW Assignment, Essay, etc.)

Hello all,
I have my own story of being stellar at school, then abuse and rampant discrimination. I am 32, and have started my "big girl" job in devops/sre domain in 2017 with a BSc in MechE and couple of extra CS courses under my belt. I specifically left software engineering job for this domain, as my background in MechE fit this role and I really liked it.
Since then I relocated twice internationally and only have worked at Fortune 200 companies and well known startups. My resume glows with brand names, but like many of you I feel like I made a mistake and I do not fit into this industry. And after 7 years I think this is a good thing actually. I am proud of myself that I didn't become a nuclear waste, no thank you. If I wanted to work in military, police, ER, psychiatric ward or in any other field that being traumatised is part of the job, I would have gone in that direction.
Even though I have been recognised as a force wherever I went, and had received good/great feedback, I have never been promoted and I didn't leave my jobs because I wanted "more" or was offered something better, but because there was an incident and my sanity could not take it any longer.
## Story time, you can skip this.
I left my first job because a male coworker attacked me in daylight, in the middle of the full office and I ran for my life the last minute to avoid getting injured. He didn't even get a verbal warning. I was told off by my manager for reporting this incessantly. Right at this point pandemic started. Long story short, I worked there another year from home, which kind of helped until it didn't so I had to involve lawyers, and I quit that job on the spot one random monday morning. Never looked back. I reached out to my previous managers from internships and a small startup I worked for a short stint for references, and openly shared the situation I am in during interviews. So I decided to burn the bridges and never asked for a reference from that job, that is the first solid 2,5 years of my career. I left with panic disorder and severe social anxiety.
In my second job, I decided to relocate internationally in middle of the pandemic. I refused a job at another large corporation and chose a smallish company because I was genuinely convinced that I had to take a step back to chill. This job was a catastrophe at the beginning. Within 8 months I reached back to the other company and asked if the opening was still available. Luck be it, there was an additional opening so I got processed. This didn't went smoothly as HR messed up my offer and "corrected" it after signing it, via offering a much lower package than what I was already earning, so I had refused the same job the second time. At this point I had a new manager and a new product manager both ex FAANG, and thank the lords both of these men were incredible to work with. They restored my trust in people. I have learnt so much from them including that I am a good candidate for staff level positions at that point. It was an eye opening experience. Still, I didn't get promoted here either. My manager used the fact that I wanted the promotion as a leverage to return me back to the office. I would have, however, my husband couldn't find a new job where we lived and wanted out. Around this time, the other company and the hiring manager reached out again and apologised for what has happened during the second round, offered me a much larger package so I decided to accept that job in third attempt. I left with good wishes, stellar reference letters and couple of friends for the rest of my life.
## Current situation, you can skip this.
In my current, and third job, I was determined to do the bare minimum and prioritise my health. I gave up hope on growth, promotions or raises and simply wanted to rest and collect paycheques. I have kept my mouth shut during my first year and simply observed. This team was much older than me by age, so I was hopeful that people might be more mature.
To my horror I learnt that one of them had disciplinary records for verbally assaulting his previous coworkers, because he thought they were not working hard enough. He mentions them proudly for the jokes during team events.
The architect of the team, is an ex-employee turned contractor, and is notoriously known for his "personality". He is loud and rude, a text book misogynist; "limit the information flow, pick favourites, rotate them to make sure everybody feels insecure" type of a leader with limited technical acumen and ability. He also derives too much personal pleasure from being in leadership. In fact I noticed he reports "good work" for my performance reviews to sideline my manager, and wants to "manage me internally". Scrum master is also an ex-employee now employed via architect's company, and is a family friend of his. Add couple of more juniors hired via this contractor, he essentially built himself a parallel organisation.
Lastly, the product owner is very insecure and also has a seriously thick accent to the point that nobody really understands what on earth he is saying. He also doesn't write things down properly, leaving a lot of room for architect to operate however he likes.
In my first year, I have reported some of my observations to my manager. I discovered he agrees with me on all points. I also made sure I kept my relationships good but distant with everybody working for this contractor. So far so good.
During my first year, architect tried to paint me as incompetent, so I played along, or "followed his lead" to be precise. I stepped back when needed, just clocked my 8hours. Perfect, just as I wanted. I took whatever he says "literal" and resisted the urge to "please" him and "read minds", so I ended up stepping back a lot. He ended up with the dumb women he thought I was and became overloaded with work to do, things to figure out.
Then he unleashed the scrum master onto me. She kept advocating for him, that he is doing too much already; being a business owner, an architect and dealing with the incompetent PO was too much etc. So during my 1-1s with her I asked her what was the expectations from me, am I supposed to feel sorry for him or what is this plea for exactly; he doesn't produce any tickets to delegate his work nor asks me directly on what he needs from me. She remained silent and didn't push further.
At this point I thought I was handling this very well. Then a very sudden re-org happened. Everybody was blindsided. I think my manager intended for this as you will understand later.
This left my team without budget and a project. I didn't mind getting re-assigned since I am a fixed employee, but this meant architect will close the shop as a contractor, so he got really aggressive and somehow scratched the last coins to form a budget and made up a new product. Starting early this year, I found myself in a "scale up" that is looking for market fit. Architect formed an inner circle to operate fast. This left me hanging and confused because no one, including my manager, could inform me what was I supposed to do, what the product is, or whether my position is still a fit or not. Here is the reality after few months, there was no product as architect was swinging it until he landed on something. The insecure product owner completely vanished from the team, taking a long vacation during this key time. I noticed this could be a nice opportunity for me to transition to a product owner role. I talked with my manager and arranged some trainings. I reached out to the scrum master and asked her assistance to clean up backlog. She got very alarmed and told me that I needed to finish that by yesterday, everything is urgent and needs to be done asap, that I am losing time etc. I was surprised and told her I am looking forward to her cooperation because I still need some trainings and I cannot get things done that quickly but compared to the non-existing PO, I am still better than nothing.
SM didn't help me. After I started to clean up backlog, the "disciplinary record colleague" decided to reach out to me and told me to stop changing things in the backlog because they were agreed on now and cannot be changed. I said okay and stepped back. A week later, architect declared he is also going to become a PO now.
I was now clearly aware what is happening, how much effect I have on him. I still made sure I contributed as much as possible from my own domain (devops/sre) via setting development and test environments as soon as possible. Architect didn't push back on this early on, but later shut it down by force and when I reached out to him to discuss what is happening, whether the current project is still a good fit for me, are my skills needed for this project etc., and he declared that I have a problem with my expectations and need to read a book. I became so angry I started crying but didn't say anything to him and right after the meeting I took some time off.
When I returned back my manager called, and informed me that architect reported me saying "she doesn't want to work with us, she lost control". To note, during our 1.5 years together, architect and I have never had 1-1 meetings or messages. He only interacts with me during team meetings, or via proxies delivering his messages. This was our one and only 1-1.
I was shocked, my manager was shocked but he recommended de-escalation so I followed suit. However, I was alarmed. I started searching more actively for an internal position and improve my network but not only nothing came up but suddenly, towards end of Q1 architect declared that we are to build the platform in addition to the product so I was needed now. Every single idea I brought to team got ignored, only to be accepted when my senior colleague (my bestie) repeated it. I also noticed some questions I asked and ideas I brought were getting "stolen" to be used in higher up meetings instead of me getting involved. Things got to a point, where architect was bullying everybody that defended me in team meetings, pestering everybody to "help me" to get the ticket done faster (not possible due to blockers, not due to me being slow) and in one of the meetings he exploded with anger and yelled at me for something he did.
I was aware he was problematic, what I wasn't aware how volatile he was and how far he could loose it. Keeping my cool and playing it political no longer made sense. His last explosive anger episode did trigger me and made me revisit the incident at my first job. I wasn't sure how to proceed, whether to take time off or do what but I decided stay on track and keep searching for an opportunity without further incidents.
At this point my manager informed me that he awarded me a stock bonus to show how much company wanted me to stay and that he wants me to join in one of the newly found teams (remember the re-org?) as an architect. Since I already perform at the expected level, if I can keep it another year in the actually position it is going to be a automatic promotion. I still had some questions yet I was really humbled and happy. I made it not just working hard but also playing politically.
## The last event
Last week I worked on a ticket that didn't get finished. I was exhausted by the time friday arrived, and I couldn't power through so I left it unfinished for monday. Keep in mind that except that last minute time off that I needed for cooling my head down and bounce back, I couldn't plan a proper vacation due to this mess of a project and didn't really have a proper rest. I have been working longer and longer hours ever since, even my manager expressed his disapproval to how much pressure we were put under by the architect and encouraged me to stick to my hours only. Still yet, once stress visits my home, it tends to stay overnight.
Anyway, last week I spent a lot of time explaining to my bestie what I am doing and why, and he couldn't wrap his mind around one issue. Since I always have an "assigned partner" that policies my work or "helps me" I spend a lot of time managing people 1-1.
On monday I showed up to realize my bestie worked during the weekend to develop a hacky alternative solution to my design that only supports a single use case, and now he insists he solved the issue, can I implement it in my ticket too. I explained to him he solved something else, the issue is still open, so and so, and he kept insisting no, he tested it (with his alternative setup not my work) and it all should work now. I couldn't keep my cool anymore so I told him off, I told him "Please drag the jira ticket to done if you are sure". I was drenched in sweat and was shaking. The sequence of events and the pressure put on me triggered something in me. I took the week off immediately and called my husband crying. I informed him that I reached my limit, I cannot work at jobs that effect my health this way, I might resign today if necessary.
I knew at this moment a threshold has been crossed. I needed to leave immediately. So, I drafted a very long email detailing all these and asking for a re-assignment effective immediately. I also drafted and send an apology email to my bestie explaining why I need time off.
## Path forward
My manager recognised everything I reported and told me he knows because he worked with the architect for 3 years, and clearly situation has worsened rather than improved. He noted that the architect role he wanted me in was in partnership with my current architect, since he was also doing that work in addition to all the other things. I informed my manager I want to stay away from this man, and the architect role he wanted me in is no longer an option.
He planned a meeting for tomorrow to introduce me to two positions that I am interested in.
One for an IC position and one for a PO position. I want to shoot for the PO position since that one brings in a lot of visibility within the organisation as it is for an internal consultancy group not a singular product team. So I will have to manage numerous stakeholders (my SRE background prepared me well for this) and feed ideas into several teams. I am looking forward to develop better social skills. I am no longer interested in pair programming or any other paired work being utilised to micromanage me. I want a solo role. I want to hide in plain sight.
However I am pointed out that the IC role is in a really nice team with great environment and nice pace so I should also talk to them given my background fits their domain (K8s) perfectly. This is true and couple of months ago I would have run into their arms, but I want to keep my path to promotion diversified and not get pigeonholed into an IC role ever again.
So, am I making a big mistake?

list of very, very common rules and formatting errors i see here so often
damage always has a source. there's no such thing as "Deal N damage to target". it's "CARDNAME deals N damage to target".
"Wastes" isn't a land subtype. [[Wastes]] has no subtype.
"Whenever CARDNAME takes damage" is incorrect, it should be "Whenever CARDNAME is dealt damage" or "would be dealt damage". edit: "if" is used for replacement effects, so "If CARDNAME would be dealt damage" would be correct if the damage is replaced
"to your mana pool." is redundant. it's always just "Add {Mana}."
"converted mana cost" is "mana value".
keywords aren't proper nouns. "Flying, First Strike, Vigilance" should just be "Flying, first strike, vigilance", and "Creatures you control have Haste." should be "Creatures you control have haste."
subtypes are proper nouns. "...the number of humans you control." should be "...the number of Humans you control." main types are not.
"amount" refers to life total or mana. "number" refers to a combined total, such as the number of creatures you control or the number of counters on a permanent.
words with multiple spellings always use the american spelling. "colour" is "color", "paralyse" is "paralyze", etc.
a new sentence in a cost always begins with an upper-case letter. a cost that requires you to discard a card and to sacrifice a creature in addition to paying mana and tapping would be "{Mana}, {T}, Discard a card, Sacrifice a permanent:"
oh and use and punctuation god damn it

Demographics:
Gender: Male
Family Income: $120,000
Residence: Massachusetts
School: Medium-sized vocational (not traditional) school with 1,500 students
Class rank: Either valedictorian or salutatorian (i think, but we don't do rank)
Hooks: URM (Haitian-American immigrant), First-Gen? (Parents only did Associates in America)
Intended Major: Biochemistry/Molecular Biology
Academics:
GPA: 4.0 Unweighted / 4.56 Weighted
SAT: 1530 (750 EBRW, 780 Math)
Coursework (before senior year): AP Language and Composition (5); Dual enrollment: Speech Communication, Principals of Sociology, English Composition I, Art History, Personal Finance, Spanish I (4.00 GPA through the community college)
Senior Year Coursework: AP Biology, AP Stats, AP Calc, DE Spanish II, Honors World Lit
Extracurriculars:

1. Work (Paid) - Resident Care Associate (CNA): Cared for 24+ elderly residents overall; Assisted with daily living and organized group activities; Ensured safety and needs of residents were met. 300 hours
2. Career Oriented - Externship: Social & Clinical CNA Training: Biweekly, socialized w/ 20+ elderly residents & facilitated group social activities (2021-22); Completed 80+ clinical hours for CNA certificate (2022). 286 hours
3. Research - Research Intern at _ Community College: 4 month full-time research on urbanization’s impact on bees; Gathered & analyzed 500+ insect samples; Participated in weekly journal club discussions. 136 hours
4. Community Service (Volunteer): Weekly, distributed food packages to 50+ in-need local families; Organized & Advertised food & toy drives, collected 100+ donations. 80 hours
5. Work (Paid) - Nutrition Guest Representative: Worked in a team-based setting to take orders, gather, and distribute patient-specific meals to 400+ hospital patients; Stocked floor kitchens. 574 hours
6. Student Govt./Politics - Media Coordinator, Student Council: Designed flyers to increase school-wide student engagement; Created and managed IG account (500+ impressions); Organized cultural & community events. 54 hours
7. Science/Math - Co-Captain and Participant, Math Team: Learned complex math topics; Led team in Regional Math League Competitions; Improved team ranking from 7th to 3rd (2022-23). 96 hours
8. Career Oriented - Competitor (2021-24); Treasurer (2023): SkillsUSA Medical Terminology Competitor (2021-24); Managed SkillsUSA budget and expenditures, raised funding for chapter activities (2023). 135 hours
9. Student Govt./Politics - Attendant (Judge, City Council, HOR), Boys State: Served in judicial branch, House of Rep., and city council in Boys State Leadership mock government; Orated speech for closing ceremony. 144 hours
10. Other Club/Activity Member and Club Chair, Cooking Club: Weekly, created dinner and dessert dishes in small groups; Designed new cross-cultural recipes; Led new member recruitment. 218 hours

(in my additional info, I included currently working as a dietary aide, newspaper club, and my YT channel where I play roblox)
Awards:
Certified Nursing Assistant Certification (March 2023)
SkillsUSA Medical Terminology Competition - 1st Place Regional; 2nd Place District; States Qualified
Massachusetts Science and Engineering Fair - 3rd Place in Local Fair; Qualified & Attended Regionals
National African American Recognition Program
National Honor Society
Essays/Supplementals/LOR:
Personal Statement
I would say my personal statement was pretty strong. I wrote about the stories I heard and encountered while taking care of the elderly and how I've begun making my own stories. I kept it as genuine as possible. My Yale AO said this made her tear up and I think it was a pretty sentimental piece. Initially, I was comparing my essay to those of people online and I was so worried because mine didn't look like theirs and I didn't start ec dropping and shit like them but honestly I had nothing to worry about. Rating maybe: 9 (or 9.5?) / 10
Supplementals
My supps were def rushed but I would say these were really good as well. I kept them genuine and did my best to convey as many aspects of my character as possible. Compassion and diversity was a big theme for me loll. Rating maybe: 8.5/10
LORs
I didn't see most of my LORs but I assume they were good. My calc teacher wrote how I was the best student he's had in years and my lang teacher talked about some classroom moments (forgot what exactly). Rating maybe: 7 - 9 (crazy range ik) / 10
Interviews
Tufts (9.5/10): Very chill and she calmed my nerves a LOT. It was like talking to another kid my age. Lasted like 40 minutes?
Harvard (8/10): Almost very chill, was at starbucks. I messed up and stuttered a few times but overall this was very good. Lasted like 70 mins
Yale (10/10): My interviewer and I were both Black and were able to connect really well because of that. We talked a lot about the Yale environment and being a person of color on campus. Lasted like 80 mins
Princeton (9/10): One of my shorter interviews but he was sooo chill. He was a busy guy so our interview only lasted 20 mins but I was able to express myself pretty confidently and tell him why I liked Princeton.
Duke (6/10): Ok my interviewer was lowk a bot bruh and the interview was p awkward. I didn't do enough research so when he asked me why Duke, I gave a vague answer and bro told me "Well other schools have that too, what makes Duke different."
URichmond Scholars (9.5/10): Even though it was in front of like 8 other people it was very chill. I was able to confidently talk about myself and what I'd like to do at Richmond
DECISIONS
Rejections:
University of Miami (EA)
Brandeis University
New York University
Boston University
Waitlists
Washington University in St. Louis
Acceptances
Duke University
Yale University (likely letter)
Northeastern University (EA)
University of Massachusetts Amherst (EA)
University of Massachusetts Boston (EA)
Northwestern University
Johns Hopkins University
Tulane University (Deferred EA > Accepted RD)
Emory University
Tufts University
University of Richmond + Richmond Scholars full-ride (EA)
Harvard College (likely letter)
Cornell University
Princeton University
Case Western Reserve University (EA)

The astronomical growth of the Chinese economy in recent decades has reshaped global power dynamics, with an impressive 9% average yearly growth since 1978 (World Bank, 2023) sparking predictions of China surpassing the United States as the biggest economy measured by nominal GDP (BBC News, 2020), and has caused some to even posit that China will be able to rival the US in power (Tucker, 2023).
However, a more nuanced examination reveals complexities in China's economic development model and its intersection with foreign policy. This paper delves into the evolution of China's economic rise, emphasizing its high-savings, investment-led growth model and its profound global implications. The inherent connection as well as tension between China’s domestic economic policies and its foreign policy will be examined.

China’s economic rise and the development of its economy over time

To understand how China has managed to join the ranks of the most influential players in the global economy, and what consequences it has for its foreign policy, it is essential to understand its political economic development model. Additionally, for the argument of this paper it is important to understand how the Chinese economy fits into the global economic puzzle.

A short history of the Chinese development model

From an economic perspective, societies can improve standards of living in a number of ways: increasing employment, improving the efficiency of workers, or expanding production through investment in capital equipment. Crucially, all of these factors highlight the importance of investment for development (Klein, Pettis, p.68, 2020). When domestic production is running at maximum capacity, there are two major development models (often applied simultaneously) that economies can follow to pay for additional investment (Klein, Pettis, p.68, 2020): On the one hand there is the ‘high savings model’, which transfers resources from domestic consumers to businesses and the government who save more than they consume. This thereby creates a trade surplus because it raises domestic production relative to domestic demand (Klein, Pettis, p. 68, 2020). On the other hand, there is the high-wage model, which transfers resources from the rest of the world by raising imports relative to exports in an attempt to attract foreign investment by raising domestic demand, increasing the trade deficit (Klein, Pettis, p. 68, 2020).
Authoritarian political culture and high centralization made the high savings model a logical option for the CCP. From the 1990s onwards, the Chinese government started to transfer spending power from ordinary Chinese people in order to subsidize domestic investment and foreign consumption, which meant the high savings model would end up becoming the development model China pursues until this day (Klein, Pettis, p. 108, 2020). Even though household income would increase greatly due to the substantial economic growth that these investments generated, households consumed an increasingly smaller share of economic output as savings increased as a share of the economy (Klein, Pettis, p. 108, 2020).
China utilized several internal transfer mechanisms to supress consumption and increase savings which included: currency manipulation; regulatory measures such as expropriations; unfavourable lending conditions for consumers and favourable lending conditions for elites with political connections; and lastly, the hukou system which deprived internal migrant workers of social security (Klein, Pettis, pp. 108-112, 2020). As a result, the decrease in household spending relative to GDP during the 1990s and 2000s was significantly more pronounced than the increase in investment (Klein, Pettis, 2020, p. 108). This led to a significant surplus in the current account, amounting to around 10 percent of China's total economic output by 2007-8 (Klein, Pettis, 2020, p. 108).

Untenable numbers

Global investment on average represents 25% of GDP (World Bank, 2023), and even though it is normal for a developing economy to have a higher rate of investment, China’s investment share of GDP sits at an exceptional 43% (World Bank, 2023). With a GDP of almost $18 Trillion accounting for ~18% of the world’s economy (World Bank 2023), China’s economic imbalances have great implications for the world economy, and at the same time the state of the world economy has great implications for China.
In his recent blog, Michael Pettis (2023) argues that with a share of only 13% of global consumption while having a 32% share of global investment, the Chinese economy cannot sustainably grow at 4-5% with the same model as it currently follows. Pettis (2023) argues:
Every $1 of investment has required approximately $3 of consumption globally to sustain it during this century. In China, however, $1 of investment is balanced by only $1.30 of consumption. If the global relationship between consumption and investment held over the next decade, an increase in the Chinese share of global investment from 32 percent today to 38 percent in a decade would require that the rest of the world disinvest to accommodate China’s domestic imbalances. (Pettis, 2023)
The following sections will discuss how China’s increasingly aggressive foreign policy, in combination with changing geopolitical circumstances has made global disinvestment extremely unlikely.

The evolution of Chinese foreign policy over time

As explained previously, the Chinese rise as an important actor in the global system has been facilitated by foreign consumers who consume the excess production which underpaid Chinese workers cannot consume themselves. Hence, China has great interest in maintaining the current global liberal trade regime, from which it has greatly benefited following its accession to the WTO in 2001. Seeing as trading relations with Western countries are of paramount importance to China’s economic prospects under the current economic model it pursues, it should be in China’s interests to avoid antagonizing the West. This section will explain how the historical Chinese stance allowed or its rise within the international system, and why its current stance undermines its future.

Chinese foreign policy pre-Xi

For a long time, Chinese foreign policy had been led by a quote of Deng Xiaoping in reaction to the international backlash to the Tiananmen Square incident. Around this time, he told other CCP leaders that their reaction should be to “lengjing guancha, wenzhu zhenjiao, chenzhuo yingfu” (observe calmly, secure our position, cope with afairs calmly) (Chen, Wang, 2011, p. 5). The foreign policy debate in China would long centre around this stance, paraphrased as “Tao Guang Yang Hui” roughly translated as: “hide your strength and bide your time” or “hide capabilities and keep a low profile”[1] (Chen, Wang, 2011).
The relative low-profile of China meant that other great powers not only tolerated its rise in the global system, but they also increased their ties with China dramatically, Western companies poured into the Chinese market to take advantage both of cheap manufacturing (caused by aforementioned reforms and industrial policy) and the large Chinese market. Between 1980 and 2004, US-China trade rose from $5 billion to $231 billion (Council on Foreign Relations, 2017).
Another guiding principle in the Chinese rise within the international system was the supposed “peaceful development” of China, a concept where progress and expansion were based on the historical philosophy of the “Middle-Kingdom” in which a non-confrontational approach was valued highly (Stevens, 2014, p. 1). The peaceful development narrative has persisted until this day but has arguably been more of a soft power campaign as of late to counter the “China threat” discourse (zhongguo weixie, 中国威胁) (Sørensen, 2015, p. 8), which has taken hold among foreign powers. The “China threat” discourse refers to a narrative that frames China as a potential menace to global stability and established international norms. This discourse encompasses concerns related to China's military modernization, economic influence, territorial claims, and geopolitical ambitions. Wang Yi, currently the Chinese minister of foreign affairs, called this discourse an “outdated Cold-War mentality” which has “no place in the new era of globalization” (Wang, 2013). Crucially, Wang's statements along with the "China threat" discourse within China concerning globalization, demonstrate an acknowledgment of the adverse consequences stemming from China's assertive actions in the realm of foreign policy. Wang went on to reassure that “China would never seek hegemony in the world” (Wang, 2013).
However, sentiment within the Chinese government started shifting around the 2010s (Stevens, 2014, pp. 1-2). The combination of the great financial crisis in 2008 and the resource intensive US-led wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, combined with the symbolic achievement of holding the 2008 Beijing Olympics, made some government officials believe that the balance of power was shifting, and that China should be more assertive towards a declining US (Stevens, 2014, p. 1). This was not truly a dramatic shift, which was to come later, with a new leader taking the stage.

Chinese foreign policy after Xi

The ascension of Xi Jinping as Chinese leader has dramatically altered the way China interacts with the world. Bolstering development was no longer the only priority. A new moral objective inspired by the century of humiliation had entered the picture. Essentially, Xi Jinping has changed Chinese state identity within the international system. Under Xi Jinping, China no longer lay low and started to figuratively stand up, from 2013 the new guideline was to be “Fen Fa You Wei” (奋发有为, “striving for achievement”) (Sørensen, 2015), with the ultimate goal of achieving the “Chinese dream”.
The Chinese dream is inspired by historical revanchism, with the ultimate goal being the great “rejuvenation of the Chinese nation”, in which China regains its international status, rights and power (Sørensen, 2015, p. 10); reminiscing over times when China made the rules as hegemon within East-Asia. Essentially, Xi Jinping slowly and methodically started reconstructing Chinese state identity within the international system. This rhetoric has attracted negative attention in the Western media, seen as carrying sinister implications for the international order (Sørensen, 2015, p. 5). In 2017, Xi definitively departed from keeping a low profile. In his (im)famous “new era” speech at the commencement of the 19th party congress, Xi presented statements that appeared contradictory to Wang’s 2013 remarks. Xi asserted that Beijing would no longer shy away from world leadership and would aim to promote its model around the world: “It is time for us to take centre stage in the world and to make a greater contribution to humankind […] [China is] standing tall and firm in the east”. (Xi, 2017)

Chinese assertiveness antagonizes the world: The rediscovery of industrial policy, protectionism, and economic deterrence

Beyond long speeches and articulate rhetoric, Chinese assertiveness has manifested in such numerous ways that it is difficult to name every incident. The most prominent examples include its aggressive military posture in the Taiwan strait and the South China sea, where the Chinese military and coast guard have initiated numerous hostile encounters over the years. These encounters have prompted the EU and US to voice strong opposition to the PRC’s (People’s Republic of China) actions, with the US calling PRC actions “unlawful” (Reuters, 2023) and the EU “emphasising” that parties should “respect freedom of navigation” and settle disputes “through peaceful means in accordance with international law” (EEAS, 2021). However, more direct confrontations with Western powers have taken place in the economic realm. In 2005 Robert Zoellick, then Deputy Secretary of State of the United States urged the Chinese to become a “responsible stakeholder” within the system, as a result of Chinese hostile actions however, these hopes have been given up; the EU has labelled China a “systemic rival” (EEAS, 2023) and the Sino-American competition is no secret. The West is now changing its geo-economic policy according to the perceived “China threat” that Wang Yi (2013) was worried about.

Chinese economic coercion

Through its strategic use of industrial policy China has managed to forge several dependencies for the West, notably in the area of green energy, where it dominates the refining of rare earth minerals, the production of electric vehicles and batteries (Hárven, 2023). China has been abusing such dependencies through economic coercion (Cha, 2023). In a testimony to the US congress, Senior Vice president for Asia and Korea Chair at CSIS Victor Cha, perfectly articulates the consequences of Chinese economic coercion:
China’s economic coercion has become part and parcel of its foreign policy against many trading partners. Countries that interact with Taiwan, support democracy in Hong Kong, oppose genocide in Xinjiang or offend any other “core interests” of China face discriminatory, non-WTO-conforming sanctions and embargoes. Targets of this weaponization of trade since 2008 range widely. Eighteen Western and Asian countries, including Japan, Lithuania, Norway, and Australia, and over 123 private companies, including Walmart and the National Basketball Association, have been targeted precipitating tens of billions of dollars in economic damage. (Cha, 2023)
Cha (2023) went on to call on the United States and like-minded partners to consider a “collective resilience” strategy to deter China’s economic coercion. Even though Cha (2023) recognizes that most targets of coercion are asymmetrically dependent on China, he highlights that there are still a number of export items these countries possess on which the Chinese market is “highly dependent” and “in some cases almost 100% dependent”. If states come together to promise collective retaliation, Cha (2023) argues, it would be enough of a deterrence to Beijing to cease its aggressive behaviour.
In Europe too there has been a response to Chinese economic coercion, with the introduction of the Anti-Coercion Instrument, which went into force on the 27th of December 2023, providing the EU with means to deter and respond to economic coercion acting as a deterrent for future coercion by China (European Commission, 2023).

The rise of industrial policy and protectionist measures as a response to the fragmentation of the Liberal International Order

A more serious concern for China is the rise of industrial policy and protectionism in states that have until now acted as a sponge for excess Chinese production. Arguably, this is the most serious threat to the Chinese economic growth model. In the United States, the concept of economic decoupling from China, as advocated during President Trump's tenure, may have been an extreme interpretation of this viewpoint. However, the Biden administration has sustained and expanded specific policies aimed at reviewing critical supply chains, enhancing investment screening and export controls, and allocating substantial subsidies to national industries (Gehrke, 2022). In a similar vein, the European Union (EU) has also been actively pursuing strategic autonomy in response to the evolving landscape of global economic interdependence. A catalysing factor in the rise of European industrial policy has been the Russian invasion of Ukraine and the Chinese alignment with Russia in the conflict, leading some to say that this has been the starting point of a fragmentation of the Liberal International Order (Costa, Barbe, 2023, p. 2). There are strong signs that the dependence on China is viewed in Brussels in a similar vein as the one with Russia. This was signified by a statement by Ursula von der Leyen in the State of the Union of 2022: “Lithium and rare earths are already replacing gas and oil at the heart of our economy. [...] The not so good news is – one country dominates the market. So, we have to avoid falling into the same dependency as with oil and gas.” (Von der Leyen, 2022).
As a response to this dependence the Commission introduced the Critical Raw Materials Act (European Commission, 2023), which seeks to reduce EU dependence and was adopted last December. In addition, the EU is bolstering its industry through the Green Deal Industrial Plan and is seeking to apply tariffs to products which are produced with a lower environmental standard than within the EU through the Carbon Border Adjustment Mechanism (European Commission, 2023). Similarly, the United Kingdom, under Project Defence, is exploring ways to diminish dependence on key imports from China, while Japan has elevated its bureaucratic infrastructure to monitor new technology and economic security threats, including potential risks associated with foreign dependence (Gehrke, 2023). Additionally, India's economic and technology policy, encapsulated by the term "Atmanirbhar Bharat" (self-reliant India), has become a focal point under the Modi administration (Gehrke, 2023). ECB research from 2019 indicated that if trade tension were to escalate significantly in the future, global trade would decline significantly. Based on the previously mentioned policy initiatives, this scenario seems more likely than ever, with potentially severe implications for the Chinese economy.

Implications for China

As mentioned earlier in this paper, the rest of the world would have to disinvest to accommodate Chinese investment-led growth. Seeing the discussion above, this seems like an extremely unlikely outcome. Critics might argue that the CCP has been aware of the problems its internal imbalances generate, for it can simply choose to escape the investment-trap by sharply increasing consumption, which it is already attempting to do under its “Common Prosperity Policy” (Koty, 2022). However, here Michael Pettis’s (2023) calculations can assist with finding out whether this is manageable within a reasonable timeframe. Michael Pettis makes two optimistic assumptions regarding China's rebalancing process. Firstly, considering China's historical high investment levels and the recent surge in its debt-to-GDP ratio, Pettis (2023) suggests a sustainable investment share might be lower than the global average. However, for this analysis, Pettis (2023) assumes it can be as high as 33–34 percent. Despite being one-fourth below the current level, this would still make China the world's top investor for the next decade. Secondly, based on Pettis's (2023) perspective, there is an assumption that China has a decade to bring its investment share to a more sustainable level, with GDP growth outpacing investment growth, reducing the investment share by nearly 10 percentage points to 34 percent. However, to achieve such a transformation Pettis notes that GDP growth would have to outpace investment growth by 2-3 percent per year, which would in turn necessitate consumption to outgrow GDP by 2-3 percent per year.
Pettis (2023) notes that the above will be incredibly difficult to achieve, as slowing investment growth will require a painful transformation in which construction jobs are lost and household income growth would have to be accelerated drastically through either direct transfer in wages or indirectly through a more generous social safety net. The challenge with implementing transfers lies in the financial burden they pose, and only three sectors can viably shoulder this responsibility. The first sector that wealth could be transferred from is the affluent, who consume a much lower share of their income, but seeing the size of China’s population this would have a smaller impact on consumption than it would have in economies like that of the US (Pettis, 2023). Pettis (2023) argues that the business sector is also an unlikely candidate, as jeopardizing China’s manufacturing competitiveness will likely be difficult given the “vested interests” which have been shown to have a significant influence on CCP policymaking, with Le Keqiang once saying: “It is now more difficult to deal with vested interests than it is to touch the soul” (Spegele, 2013). The last option is the government, specifically local governments, since the central government has explicitly stated reluctance to bear the costs of adjustment (Pettis, 2023). According to Pettis (2023) it would technically be possible to do this, but seeing the limited room for choice the Chinese government has as explained above and the trickiness of reversing four decades of direct and indirect transfers from household savings into investment (Pettis 2023), Beijing might very well fail in this task which might lead to a global overproduction crisis, or it might resort to a softer foreign policy stance. There are signals that Beijing is attempting to rescue its foreign image by going on a charm offensive and softening its stance, with China’s controversial “wolf warrior diplomacy” falling out of fashion, with prominent “Wolf Warrior” Zhao Lijan being “banished” according to Foreign Policy (Palmer, 2023). Additionally, China is presenting itself as an international peacemaker, although it is unclear whether this is a true change in policy or simply a “cosmetic change” (Harper, 2023).

Conclusion

In conclusion, the interplay between China's economic trajectory and its foreign policy shapes a complex narrative that underscores how domestic policy can influence foreign policy and vice-versa. This paper highlights the inherent tension between the investment-based Chinese economy versus its assertive global posturing. Xi Jinping and the CCP have arguably hurt the PRC’s economic prospects by poor coordination between the political-economic and foreign policy domain.
The response of the West to Chinese economic coercion and the nascent disintegration of the liberal international order underscores the pervasive implications of China’s economic course. The implications for China are substantial, encompassing the formidable challenges associated with rebalancing its extremely unbalanced economy and contemplating potential adjustments in its foreign policy to address global reactions. As the international community grapples with the ramifications of China's ascendance, the CCP faces a critical juncture. The decisions forthcoming will not merely shape China's trajectory but will wield strong influence over broader global economic developments and geopolitics.
[1] Some Chinese officials like the former deputy chief of the PLA have argued that the phrase is more benign than it sounds, due to difficulties in translating the phrase to English. (Chen, Wang, 2011, p.9)

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