This girl is a coworker for the time being. I've never liked getting into relationships outside of friendships with coworkers because it usually complicates things and I don't want to bring that mess into my professional life. I made an exception for this girl however because she's going to be leaving the job and the city soon and nothing is changing her mind. So I decided I'd give it a shot, but now I'm a bit confused on how she feels in part due to some of her wording.
It started off with me asking her to grab some food and we went out and grabbed some food then went to a jazz bar, then I dropped her off and nothing else happened. Second time I picked her up, we went to grab food, went to a different jazz bar and then spent the night bar hopping and then I dropped her off at her place. Third night I picked her up and we went staw watching in hopes of catching a glimpse of the aurora borealis and then I went back to hers and we worked out for a few hours in her condo gym and then I left, nothing else happened. The night after we talked for a bit on the phone and she had mentioned how she could tell when a guy liked her and how she usually let guys go through the moves just to be nice even if she wasn't interested just to let guys feel a bit better about doing their thing, but also she grew up in the Midwest and had hospitality and bring nice to others ingrained in her so she usually ran with a lot of things until it started to cross to a thing she very much did not like. I didn't know wether that was a jab at me to tell me she knew what I was up to or if it was just conversation from some of the other things that were similar that we had been talking about. I didn't push too much at thd time. I'm kind of slow on picking up social situations so I had to think it over. Last night I went to her place and we drank and played games both on play station and board games and she gave me some stuff since she'd on her way out she wanted to get rid of some things to not have to pack too much. On the way out I asked her honestly how she knew when a guy liked her and she mentioned that a guy starts to pay more attention to her and is more responsive and quick to reply. Makes sense I didn't see how that couldn't be a decently obvious sign. She then went to mention again that she's usually really nice and hospitable and how most guys will take that kindness and think it's an invitation to flirt and whatnot. She also isnt trying to find any anchors to want to stay at the moment because again shes leaving the city and at the moment she doesnt want to be anchored here. I dont blame her, i dont want to emotionally anchor her here and it wasnt my intention. I understand that, basic kindness doesn't equal flirting, but also it's kind of hard to differentiate it when the majority of women who aren't interested in you don't show any interest in you at all even basic kindness. So I understand what she's getting at, but now I'm confused in general as to wether she is just letting me know she's not interested at all or is she's just letting me know she'd be open to something very short term as long as feelings don't get involved since she's leaving. I'm going to shoot my shot regardless tonight to see, but I wanted to get your guys feedback on what all this means. Also, yes even though I'm only looking for something short term I still would like to leave this "relationship" on good terms so whenever she does end up visiting she'll hmu or maybe we stay in contact and maybe we'll see what happens. I'll post an update regardless of what happens tonight.
Tldr; want to hook up with my coworker who's leaving the job and city. She mentions guys mistake her kindness for invitation to flirt and she's not looking for something serious since she's leaving anyways. I'm confused if she's hinting that she's just being nice and nothing more or if the second line might be her hinting she'd be open to hook up and nothing more. Will update.

Yesterday, I was on a date with this girl. I met her at my university, she started chatting with me so we agreed to go on a date.
We meet at a restaurant, talk a bit, etc. Then when the food arrives I start to talk to her about string theory and she looks at me and just says : “ I don’t know what that is”. I was disappointed but then I steered the conversation into more entry-level topics such as general relativity and quantum mechanics. During the conversation she just looks at me very confused. Then I asked her about her studies. She said that she is studying hospitality management. Since, I met her at my university I assumed that she studies physics or math, but she was there to only visit her friend.
I was furious I called her a “dumb b****”, ate my food really fast and left so that she is stuck with the bill.
Anyways, the world is kinda rigged against gifted people, there are too few people like us.
How do you guys deal with dating and relationships? Any tips for me?

TL;DR - Can't cope with my dad's emotional neglect anymore because of the new life I've built for myself, will have to start visiting him a lot less, wondering if anyone else has had a similar thing where they've abruptly become unable to deal with their parents/home environment anymore?
So background: I largely have trauma because of my mother, who was seriously mentally ill and killed herself when I was 28. Though the part where she killed herself wasn't the traumatising bit, mostly just a relief.
Since moving out of my Dad's house permanently at age 30 (32 now) I've been feeling better and better; opening myself up to my emotions, losing my fear of people, finding it easier to make connections and some of my trauma symptoms have eased as well.
I still visit home every 1-2 months to check up on my Dad, who is very lonely but really I don't owe him anything. He doesn't seem to fully appreciate he's done anything wrong because he 'took care of us' by providing for food, housing, clothes etc, despite everything else that was seriously wrong with our household. The assumption my sister and I have had to come to over the years is that he's on the spectrum, as he takes no emotional interest in other people, throws tantrums, and in general just doesn't seem to understand the give and take required in relationships.
Two weeks ago I visited him for the weekend and found that because of the new ways I've been opening myself up I can no longer cope with the 'trauma' mindset being at my childhood home throws me into; I spent most of the weekend sitting on the couch, unable to move, watching movie after movie.
The problem is even after returning home I'm still feeling exhausted; I've been staying up late, not able to engage in my hobbies, laying an extra half hour in bed in the morning and taking ages to get ready, leading me to being 30 mins late to work each morning. Fortunately I have a pretty relaxed workplace where people set their own hours so no one's noticed.
Just wondering if anyone else has found themselves suddenly unable to deal with their parents/toxic relations anymore, and what you did about it? I think I'll have to start coinciding my visits with my sisters', who only visits 1-2 times a year, if that, and calling him more to make up for it. I considered giving him an ultimatum of 'I can only continue to visit regularly if you agree to see a therapist', but I think he would just view that as some sort of punishment, as any time I've tried to have a serious talk with him about 'these are my emotional needs, please care about them for the sake of my sanity' the conversation has gone entirely over his head.
But thanks for reading till the end whoever you are, much appreciated :)

Hello, everyone! It's been a while since I posted anything or even visited the sub. I do not visit the sub anymore as I collected all the information I needed long ago and staying on the sub only led to more thinking about flox. Focusing on other areas of life has been a great life hack for me! I have done a lot of positive things in the past half a year - I am starting my own business, been meeting new people and making a lot of new friends. Flox has changed me for the better.
I want to preface this by saying that I was probably the only person (or almost only as I've met maybe 1 or 2 other people on Reddit) who claimed flares from CoQ10. It actually flared me quite a lot — sometimes I could handle 100mg and sometimes even 30mg would lead to terrible pain. It was frightening to be one of the rarest cases in a pool of already rare cases, so, naturally, I tracked reactions to supplements extremely attentively (u/vadroqvertical won’t let me lie about that) and I have tried a lot (my cupboard is full of supplements — I spent around €3,500 on them in the span of 1.5 years). I will list reactions to supplements and the approximate timeline of when it happened:
— First of all, CoQ10/Ubiquinol flared me not so much 1 month out (tried 100mg ubiquinol multiple times) but it got worse as time went on to the point that April 2023 I could not even take 30mg without great pain. I tried it 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 16 months out all without luck with varying doses flaring me to different extents. I will outline the reasons for it below;
— Vitamin E flared me a lot 2, 4, 6 and 8 months out. Never tried again. Tried 200-400 IU at a time. Due to poor GSH regeneration through Glutathione Reductase dependent upon B2 and NADPH;
— Benfothiamine flared me as well (doses 150mg-300mg/day). This is due to high sulphite and blockage of complex IV of the Electron Transport Chain in the mitochondria the reason for I will explain further. Thiamine is easily broken down by sulphite in the body and it is broken down into sulphite as well, which causes a negative loop reaction in people with high sulphite levels. Benfothiamine also caused me a severe allergic reaction (extreme anxiety and itching) that gladly did not require hospitalisation but was extremely scary and scarred me psychologically (likely high sulfocysteine activated NMDA receptors);
— Vitamin B6 increased my neuropathy when I got it. Likely due to poor B2 functional status. The problem I was also deficient in B6 and its supplementation led to great improvements in sleep quality once I could tolerate it. Note B6 is easily destroyed by sulphite just like B1;
— Riboflavin flared me (tried at 100mg, doses under 10mg never flared me). This is likely due to unmatched NADPH supply due to high sulphite load in the body (speculative);
— Astaxanthin greatly improved my physical health at 5-6 months out (proving that the core of my issues was solely ROS) but it caused reductive stress (NADH accumulation), which also caused pain, albeit the pain was a different kind and asta caused worsening neuropathy and visual snow. It accumulates in fat tissue, so stopping it was nice with ROS coming to a balance at about 10-12 days after discontinuation (after a loading dose of 36mg/daily for 3.5 weeks) but ROS then came back after it went out of the body further. I did not retry astaxanthin as I realised it caused me reductive stress and neurological issues;
— NAC helped me a damn lot. It was the best antioxidant for me. The problem is it depleted my molybdenum and copper and started giving me allergic reactions (low molybdenum + copper as well as blocked complex IV will lead to way higher sulphite generated from NAC);
— Did not feel much from vitamin D. I live in a very sunny country and tested at 51 (ref. Range 30+) without any supplements;
— Magnesium helped me a lot. #1 supplement;
— Calcium did not help me much in the beginning, actually, caused me heart palpitations. Was fine taking it after a few months;
— Potassium was a good supplement. I took 800mg/day for a while and it supported my muscle health;
— Important: vitamin B5 made me feel a lot better. It took my ROS down like crazy — I could feel normal muscles again, it removed my oxalate pain completely, too but for only a short while like 3-4h.
I have tried many more supplements that were phyto-supplements and such and none of them really helped me beside maybe some placebo effects. Some made me feel worse and were not worth it at all. I did not try anything mood-changing as I was not interested in it. To note, GABA supplement made me feel a little euphoric at first.
It is very relevant that I have been oxalate dumping since 27 Dec. 2023. The description of the experience can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/floxies/comments/1by0uh0/comment/kyma718/
Now, to the real question: why did CoQ10 flare me even at high nutrient status (just after flox). I have to stress that flares from CoQ10 were much less at the beginning of flox likely due to better nutrient status (it went from extremely terrible to slightly more extremely terrible while 6 months out it went from ‘eh’ to terrible).

1. First, I have to say that NAC made me worse long-term. How? Over a long period of time I was taking it and was not watching my copper (NAC increases metallothionein and causes poor copper absorption) and molybdenum levels (NAC raises generation of sulfite and it needs molybdenum to be detoxified). Some NAC formulations have molybdenum in them but I was not lucky to get one of those and, due to lack of knowledge, did not supplement any molybdenum. The result was high sulphite and from that high ROS (with a combo of benfo which further increased sulphite it caused me peripheral neuropathy at 5 months). Sulphite causes Fenton reactions when complex IV gets blocked up. H2S (a signalling molecule and a vasodilator) also needs to be detoxified by a CoQ-10 dependent enzyme and turned later into sulphite and then sulphate by molybdenum and complex IV (dependent on copper) and if it is not detoxified, it causes a complex IV blockage and starts Fenton reactions as well as electron leakage during production of ATP, causing ROS. This causes a negative feedback loop that was described in the linked at the end article as follows [CoQ10 Deficiency Is Sulfur Toxicity]:

«This can be explained as follows:
1) hydrogen sulfide inhibition of complex IV generates superoxide in the respiratory chain, which becomes hydrogen peroxide,
2) hydrogen sulfide reduces ferric iron to ferrous iron, which makes it release from storage in ferritin,
3) this increases Fenton reactions between free iron and hydrogen peroxide, which generate more dangerous reactive oxygen species like the hydroxyl radical,
4) all of this deplete glutathione,
5) since a major purpose of the trans-sulfuration pathway is to provide enough cysteine to make glutathione, glutathione depletion hyperactivates the trans-sulfuration pathway, leading to more cysteine availability, the excess of which is catabolized to sulfite by alternative reactions that do not produce hydrogen sulfide and therefore do not require CoQ10.»

1. In the article linked below, you will see that CoQ-10 protects against reactive oxygen species mainly due to improving hydrogen sulphide clearance (H2S). Therefore, CoQ-10 deficiency did not cause much ROS in complexes I and II but mainly produced issues in Complex III (where sulphite detoxification starts) and complex IV (where the last electrons are delivered during the sulphite-sulphate reaction). Excerpt: «In human cells with CoQ10 synthesis defects from the same study, CoQ10 protected against reactive oxygen species, but suppressing the enzyme that uses CoQ10 to clear hydrogen sulfide abolished this effect. This shows that the reactive oxygen species were coming from poor hydrogen sulfide clearance.»

Considering this, and oh my god, finding this article was like god sent it to me: my CoQ10 flares were coming from poor hydrogen sulphide clearance. At that point there were multiple reasons this could be happening:

1. Cellular CoQ-10 deficiency;
   
2. Manganese toxicity which causes CoQ-10 deficiency [read "Manganese Toxicity Is a CoQ10 Deficiency" linked below];
   
3. Copper deficiency;
   
4. Molybdenum deficiency;
   
5. SUOX (enzyme which converts sulphite to sulphate) or another genetic impairment;
   
6. Blockage of complex IV by something else.
   

I checked my molybdenum and copper transporting genes, SUOX using DBSNP and my AncestryDNA.txt file, and they were all good (Yes, I know Ancestry does not do a full genomic profile but it still had the main SNPs for that). I also checked my manganese transporter genes and seemed I was homozygous for an important one but fine with others. It is really hard to estimate how that might affect you IRL, perhaps that would require a really good genetic counsellor (or lots of hours spent ruminating again). I also did not think I had any genetic issue since I was very very healthy all my life and had 0 pain or health issues before flox occurred (I have extremely healthy young looking parents that drink, smoke and do whatever they want and have 0 consequences to their health as well).
I took some tests, for example: Genova NutrEval at ~6 months out, full nutrient blood test panel at ~11 months out (abstained for 35 days from any supplements at all, even vitamins and tested literally everything, paid around €1,200) and my CoQ10 levels at both of those occurrences were at 1 & 1.07 in absence of supplementation with ref. range 0.8-1.4, so it was definitely not low. That way I eliminated #1 and #5. While I was not entirely sure whether genetic issues had to do anything with it, I decided to pretend like they didn’t, since I had to try out other solutions before jumping to the most complex one. I took a lot of molybdenum, so molybdenum deficiency was not at the table for me. In this way I was left with #2, #3 and #6. In the full blood panel, my manganese was slightly high (20.1 with ref. Range <~18) and the SNP people were talking about that caused them manganese toxicity was homozygous for me, so I definitely considered it but manganese when supplemented made me a feel a lot better, actually (mentally, not physically), so I was also likely deficient in it. For now, I just avoid it in supplemental doses but I do not avoid foods containing it. Besides, I do not have iron overload genes that could contribute to manganese toxicity. My CoQ-10 levels were good enough, too, so it was unlikely to be manganese toxicity.
I could not take copper because it would lead to high ROS immediately (due to complex IV blockage the reasons for which I will outline further). Considering manganese was likely deficient and not superfluous, I discarded reason #2 and reason #3 could not be fixed by copper, so it was definitely not only copper deficiency but either another factor or another factor coupled with copper deficiency. I was stuck for a long time until I found another article from the same author about B12 and B9 helping to detoxify oxalate. As I said before all this explanation, I have been oxalate dumping throughout the whole process (already 4 months). I should note I was oxalate dumping even before I got floxed (I likely had oxalate overload due to my appendix surgery — this is proven by inflamed mesenteric lymph nodes confirmed by 3 MRIs — Sally Norton has the same case of over-absorption in her book) and that is how I actually got the E. Coli they gave me Cipro for (oxalate crystals create a good environment for it in the urinary tract lol) and how I got floxed (I went full circle, lmao). When I was floxed, I was not oxalate dumping for at least a year likely because my body was not in the state to handle the dumping process but it was still affecting me as I will outline further. First of all, I want to say that biotin actually promoted dumping for me as said in the article and not relieved it like it is said in Sally Norton’s book (I am not sure if there is a genetic variation to this). The proposed mechanism of oxalate detoxification in the article is as follows:
«Recall my proposed two-step detoxification process:

1. Pyruvate carboxylase [biotin-dependent] converts oxalate to formate.
   
2. Formate is joined to tetrahydrofolate to enter the methylation cycle, be used for the synthesis of purines or DNA, or be converted to carbon dioxide and exhaled in the breath.»
   

This are also very important words: «There may be more regulation layered on top of this to prevent excessive formate accumulation. It would certainly be preferable to have oxalate crystals cause pain or disrupt the skin than to have formate accumulate beyond the capacity to clear it.» This is why I felt best when dumping. Could eat anything, drink beer, even smoked weed once without issue. Another time though I got too brave, smoked a lot of weed and got a very bad ‘relapse’ but recovered quickly from it. The next morning when using a towel after a shower I had the same pain I used to have 2.5 months out from Cipro (which was extremely bad and took me back 14 months in memories) while before I smoked weed that second time I had almost 0 tendon pain in my daily life apart from oxalate [Here I thought maybe I and DrHungry share similar issues then? He also had an extreme (same in intensity relatively to his flox journey) flare from weed and is also using a lot of sulphur-based antioxidants still. Could such weed flares be related to complex IV dysfunction and/or impaired sulphite clearance?]. In either case, I felt best when dumping, probably because my body was able to regulate formate accumulation and ROS production greatly reduced at those times.
I was sitting outside with my parents and their friends, researching my flox issue when I read these lines: «Formate accumulation is the principle mechanism of methanol toxicity. Part of its toxicity is driven by inhibiting cytochrome oxidase, complex IV of the mitochondrial respiratory chain, which would inhibit the clearance of sulfite and hydrogen sulfide and block the production of ATP.» It finally clicked. It was honestly one of the best moments in my life when I realised. I made the connection between great improvement from B5, formate accumulation, issues with copper supplementation, general ROS improvement from dumping and oxalate everything together. Suddenly, my whole flox journey became crystal clear to me.
B5 is mainly used in the body to create Coenzyme A. An intermediate molecule in the production of CoA is called 4’-phosphopantethine and is used in the enzyme 10-methyltetrahydrofolate dehydrogenase (high formate will pair with THF and form 10-MTHF in the attempt of the body to detoxify formate). This enzyme converts 10-MTHF back to THF and creates NADPH in the process which is used by Glutathione Reductase to regenerate Glutathione. Hence, high-dose B5 led to a lot of those reactions occurring and me feeling a big relief from ROS AND OXALATE, so oxalate is indeed detoxified into formate by biotin-dependent pyruvate carboxylase.
Okay, so theory is very interesting but what is theory if it has no proof? When I read it, I realised I finally cracked my flox but I had to get real proof.
Just a few weeks before this, I drank some wine and got nerve damage (likely from high sulphites in it, again, duh — while this was a terrible experience, it played a role in me getting closer to the solution of my issues). Beer caused me no issues, could drink 10 or more bottles in one sitting, eat a lot of rice when drunk with no issue. Before, I had only numb hands and top of feet. After the wine, I had burning up to the knee and burning in palms and behind my shoulders. I got fed up with this, I just decided to methylate the fuck out of my nerves and eat copper not in supplements but from calamari (very high in copper but low in vit A, so no toxicity risk like from liver). At that time, I was dumping and my ROS was not too high. I started consuming around 200g protein per day, eating a lot of copper 3-4mg/day and my nerves really healed a lot. To the point they even became normal after 3-4 days. My vision became brighter, it was absolutely crazy. I was also supplementing 150mg molybdenum/day. After a week of that, though, I started getting ROS back and it was very bad ROS, like almost a year ago when I had low molybdenum and copper from a lot of NAC use. That confirmed my suspicion that my issue was indeed sulphite. Eating almost anything caused ROS for me, dumping stopped since the body had no free reducing agents (NADPH) to support sulphate-producing enzymes (oxalate is transported on sulphate transporters, so it literally could not drive out of the cell because it had no car lol). As you understand, high ROS prevents a lot of enzymes from working and here it causes, as you have probably understood, a negative feedback loop.
So, back to the proof. Since I realised that my issue is probably formate, I just decided to take high-dose B5 again (did not add any high dose B2, B1 or other B vitamins, just took my usual B complex with food). It really helped me a lot, again. I felt almost normal. Then, it caused me some pain but I felt how I was getting better and the next day I took it in the day, then in the evening I ate around 80g carbs and took double the dose of B complex (my B complex has low doses: 10mg B1, 10mg B2, 25mg B3, 20mg B5, 5mg B6, 100mcg B7, 100mcg B9, 50mcg B12) instead of adding a lot of B5 and boom, no pain and oxalate dumping restarted quite more strongly than it even used to be before mega-dosing protein. So I was in pain for at least 2 weeks dying from ROS and then 2 days of B5 and suddenly I was normal again and dumping restarted? It felt like paradise with a twist. The next day, I went out with my friends. I was a little nervous since we were going to eat out and we ordered 600g of carbonara (the portions were huge there). I ate it all at once with 2x my light B complex and guess what happened? NO PAIN, just oxalate dumping. I finally realised that I was right and detoxifying formate unloaded my complex IV, allowed sulphate transporters to be created, reduced ROS production from food and suddenly I felt like a normal human being (except the dumping part). I recently retried CoQ10 — no flare. Likely before formate got recreated a lot because I was dumping a lot (if you read my comment linked above, you will understand).
I am not megadosing B5 right now but just stuck to 80-100mg B5 per day, so 4x my light B complex as my B6 tolerance improved a lot. Why I am not megadosing B5 is because oxalate likely blocks conversion of vitamin B2 into its active forms as I, at ~11 months out, when I did full-testing in the absence of supplementation 35 days pre-testing had high molybdenum, iodine, (almost above the ref. Range (113 with ref. Range <120) selenium and very high B2 even though I was cellularly deficient according to Genova NutrEval (at 356 with ref. Range <295).
Considering everything above, we can understand what happened to me from the beginning:

1. Oxalate overload led to formate overload as oxalate is converted to formate through the action of biotin-dependent pyruvate carboxylase;
   
2. Formate overload led to complex IV blockage, high ROS and high sulphite, which also leads to high ROS and also leads to complex IV blockage (negative feedback loop);
   
3. High sulphite destroys vitamins B1 & B6 as said in the beginning, which caused endogenous production of oxalate to skyrocket (you can read about this if you google, this information is very available);
   
4. Hence sulphate transporters also got impaired, oxalate detoxification in the form of physical crystals also halted, which led to even higher overload;
   
5. This led to higher formate, this led to even more ROS.
   

Mega-dosing B vitamins and especially B5 and B9 led to formate detoxification and the ability of my body to detoxify oxalate. This improved me a lot and it definitely feels like it will inevitably lead to my recovery. I feel good now, I still have some remaining neuropathy but it’s minimal and I know what to avoid to not make it worse and how to improve it quickly if I need to. I have no OS from beer, coffee or food. Also, I am dumping a lot right now. You can ask me all kinds of questions that you want and I will try to answer them to my best ability since I know what it is like to be floxed and I will help anyone who is in the same situation.
I am only 22 years old and this experience led to me rethinking my whole life. I plan to become an extremely rich person to be able to fund biochemical research in the future and will focus specifically on floxed individuals and I will help floxed people first. I will try to reach my goals as fast as possible, I promise. While flox was very difficult, painful and frustrating, I only took the good things out of them. I already realized it but it confirmed that we only have one life and there is no place for negative emotions or indecision.
I hope this post does not get removed by moderators. If there is anything to moderate, change, or add, I will be happy to do that. I can provide my analyses if needed as well as proof. All I say here is very attentively selected and fact-checked either from external sources or personal experience. I do not lie and have no motivation to do so. I am only trying to share my knowledge and to help realise others flox is not unbeatable and can be understood and solved — it all depends on individual factors.
Linked articles:
Manganese Toxicity Is a CoQ10 Deficiency
https://chrismasterjohnphd.substack.com/p/manganese-toxicity-is-a-coq10-deficiency
CoQ10 Deficiency Is Sulfur Toxicity
https://chrismasterjohnphd.substa2ck.com/p/coq10-deficiency-is-sulfur-toxicity?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader
10-Formyltetrahydrofolate dehydrogenase
https://lpi.oregonstate.edu/mic/vitamins/pantothenic-acid#formyltetrahydrofolate-dehydrogenase
Can Biotin Help Detoxify Oxalate?
https://chrismasterjohnphd.substack.com/p/can-biotin-help-detoxify-oxalate
Can B12 and Folate Help Detoxify Oxalate?
https://chrismasterjohnphd.substack.com/p/can-b12-and-folate-help-detoxify
Just an extra fact: My ALT was consistently high >50 for a year after flox. Dropped to 30 when dumping occured.

While you're here, check out my Script Masterlist!
If you want your own script just like this one, I now have a Ko-Fi and Commissions are open!
Hi everyone!
Here is the first of four scripts I was endorsed by the ASMR RP Lounge to write. They'll be released over the next few days since it's now been a month since I posted them there.
I'm intending on writing a second part to this series, I'll get to it when I get to it.
I know I've been quite inactive recently (the most inactive since I started writing on this subreddit). There are reasons for that, mainly because I'm busy! So apologies, not sure when that'll change. Hope everyone enjoys this in the meantime.
If people want to fill this, please do! Monetization and paywalls are fine, just provide credit and a link.
This script is intended to be [A4A] so fill in any pronouns as necessary, and please ignore any I might have left in by mistake.
As always, please enjoy and have a good day.
***
(We’re on a quiet battlefield. After a moment we hear the sounds of giant footsteps coming closer).
Ah, a survivor… about time. I was beginning to think I hadn’t left any… other than the soldiers that ran of course. Not much I can do about them. Though I suppose their escaping is a boon… it’ll tell people to leave me alone…
Which, realistically, they should have known to begin with, shouldn’t they?
I mean… who looks at a giant and thinks “yes! I’ll take them on! That’s a fight worth fighting!”
(Sighs).
The people that came here were very foolish… just like you’re foolish for staying, my little friend. Though… it seems you didn’t have much choice in the matter, caged as you are. A curious situation to be in, I must say…
Hmm.
Let me get a look at you.
(Optional: We hear the Speaker crouch down. Given their size it’s quite the motion).
Startled so easily… does my size scare you?
I don’t blame you… but can’t say I relate. There are very few beings taller than myself… the few I’ve encountered are typically other giants, and while they may have been taller and stronger… they never stood a chance. I made up for it in skill, you see. And skill is always the thing that matters most in a fight. Once, I would have said it was numbers… but I think I proved that to be false today, didn’t I?
The army you came with must have been a few hundred strong! Now, they’re down to a couple dozen… their bodies decorating the battlefield… and the underside of my boots. Believe me, it wasn’t intentional… I hate scraping muck and gunk off my soles just as much as the next person… but it’s so hard to move around you little folks… you get everywhere.
…
“Like ants?”
I… don’t know what those are, little soldier… I’m not saying they don’t exist, but I’ve never seen them.
Another thing I’ve never seen… is someone willing to converse with a giant so quickly.
Not a moment ago, you were practically trembling in my presence… perhaps you’ve realised I’m not planning on harming you?
…yes, you heard right. I don’t intend to cause you any pain, little soldier… Believe it or not, I don’t actively seek out conflict. It’s just… being a giant… conflict always seems to seek out me.
I do have questions, however… and while I may not wish to harm you, you not answering them will make me angry… and you won’t be wanting that.
That cage you’re in… it would be very easy for me to destroy it.
I’m sure there’s a key for the door somewhere… perhaps on one of the bodies surrounding it… perhaps on the bottom of my boot… but I won’t be needing it. With a flicker of my finger, the door would collapse… but I won’t be doing it, unless you tell me what I want to hear.
Now… why did these people attack me?
I know it was due to my size… but I want to know specifically.
Prior to your assault upon my person, I was just exploring… that’s what I like to do, see. I’m an adventurer… a sight seer. I like finding new things and being by myself! Imagine my displeasure when I was enjoying a beautiful morning, only for hundreds of angry little people to come out and start attacking me, start… (effort) throwing these little sticks at me! Ugh… just pulled one out. I thought I’d gotten rid of all them… I barely felt them by the way… they were very ineffective. If I’m the first giant you people have hunted, you’re not very good at it.
…
Hmm… well, if this “king” ordered them to, I have no regret for what happened. They chose to follow those orders… which means they chose the consequences as well.
Was this king with them? Perhaps leading the charge? Did I smite him already?
…
Well, if he wasn’t, I suppose that says a lot about his character. Guess I’ll have to be paying him a visit, won’t I?
He wouldn’t happen to be the king of the kingdom I can see in the distance, would he?
…
(Amused) Yes, I know it’s many miles away for you, my little friend… but for me it’s less than a minute’s journey. It’s sorely tempting to head there now and have some words with this fellow… but there are other matters I must attend to here, first.
Namely… you.
…
Fear not, fear not, I said I would not harm you, didn’t I? And I’m not a liar… we giants don’t do that, despite the tales you humans tell, about us. I for one have never told a lie in my life and am certainly not going to start now.
I will not harm you. I promise. Though I am curious… how did you come to be in this cage? It locks from the outside, meaning it can’t have been voluntary… but at the same time… why would someone lock up a fellow soldier like this? And worse, leave them when the attack went sour? For all they knew I could have killed you once I found you…
…really? You were… protesting the attack? Telling the others, it was a fruitless endeavour?
Hmm. I’m not certain if I believe you…
But say you were. For what reason?
Was it because you felt I was an innocent and didn’t deserve such an assault?
…or was it due to cowardice? You knew your army didn’t stand a chance, and didn’t wish to die?
I must say, if it’s the latter, it does you no favours, little one… though at the same time… the former would sound quite… convenient. After all, a wolf would bite its own leg off to escape a trap… and while you humans are quick to call giants liars, you are awfully fond of doing the same!
Now look into my giant eyes and tell me… the truth.
Are you a coward, or are you a pacifist? Did you seek to escape harm… or prevent it?
…
Hmm, perhaps a mixture of both.
Yes, that sounds right… and fair.
Very well, little human… I’ve heard enough.
(The Speaker knocks the cell door open).
Go.
You’re free. You have answered the few questions I had in a sufficient enough manner… and I could not live with myself if I knowingly left a creature imprisoned… so go! I will not stop you. In fact, I may join you if you are returning to your kingdom… after all, I would not mind having words with the monarchy ther-
Hmm?
Is everything alright, my little friend? What is it you wish to say?
…
Well, of course I care what you have to say! I’m not a monster… and to tell the truth I have been enjoying our conversation so far. It’s been a nice change from the bloodshed that preceded it! So go ahead! Say what you want to say!
…
Ah. Yes, I suppose returning home could be a problem for you.
If your fellows were truly planning on executing you, I doubt returning after being freed by the giant they were hunting would do you any favours. They might just execute you… after all, they can’t do that to me, and might want to take their frustrations out on someone else…
But what of your family? Will they not miss you?
…ah, an orphan.
In that case then, my mind is made up. If there is no one that will miss you, and returning means certain death, I see no other choice… I must help you.
After all, you must be… cold. Perhaps starved and in need of something to eat, and if that is the case I would like to correct it.
I have a lair, not far from here… Well, not by my standards, anyway. Inside, I have plenty of food… uh, to you at least! Would you like to venture there and eat some with me?
…
Ah, the king can wait till tomorrow. It’s not like he’s going anywhere! Besides… that battle has left me awfully tired. I could do with a lie down… so come, my little friend… step into my hand. I promise you won’t fall! I’ll take you to my home, and from there…? Well! Who knows what the future holds?
(We fade out on the sound of the giant’s footsteps).

This last 12 months have been an amazing, yet difficult journey. Before making the life decions that I have in the last year, I realised that I wasn't someone who understood moderation - basically any easy endorphin release essentially became an emotional crutch. This has been a pattern throughout my life ranging from gaming, to weekend drink and drug binges, exercising compulsively until injury and the longest serving one binge eating.
Like many of you I have always had a rollercoaster of a BMI and along the way have probably tried every crash diet, lifestyle fads, supplements to control this but to no avail.
A year ago I had a hard, long conversation with myself and decided that in order to gain happiness and be content with my life I had to remove all the habits I've been using as a distraction in order to do the inner work I clearly needed.
Therefore, last May I decided to take the first step in quitting my vices one at a time. Firstly I decided to quit drinking & cocaine. Apart from the FOMO and missing out on the socialisation for the first couple months whilst I adjusted, it wasn't too difficult. I don't miss hangovers and comedowns & I've saved a lot of money in the past year.
At the time another reason i quit drinking was because I was constantly setting my weightloss goals back at the weekend due to losing that healthy routine. I honestly was expecting the amount of takeaways to slow down as i would have more time to cook and plan my meals accordingly. I was expecting the weight to melt off me without all those liquid calories being consumed however, that hasn't been the case.
10 months later I had started to lose weight(12kg) and was generally feeling good about myself, however I was constantly ill. I had a very bad cough that I just couldn't get rid of. The type of coughing fits that woke you up in the morning to a panic - which led to my second biggest lifestyle change - quitting smoking cigarettes & stopping biting my finger nails (something i have compulsively done for about 18 years!). I've quit smoking this in the past quite easily however, social smoking had always dragged the habit back into my addict brain.
This time was a lot more difficult. I think it's because my brain is aware that I'm chiselling away at the bad habits that I used to self medicate with. It made it very difficult to completely let go of smoking & led to a 2 month depressive stint, which I believe(hope) I am finally starting to get out of.
Fast forward 2 months from quitting smoking and I've managed to put on the 12kg I lost. The food intake has honestly been disgusting. I would be completely lying if I said it wasn't disappointed with my weight gain & it does feel like it overshadows the progress I've made in my life.
That being said, I know this is only temporary. I know that I have one final addiction, one final bad habit to over come which is my relationship with food. This time round I have no other aspects of my life to procrastinate. I have no other choice than to face this head on.
This time round I will be treating my food intake as an illness rather than as something as simple as lacking discipline. The gravitational effect my brain has towards junk food, the insatiable itch I have in my head that can only be scratched by consuming massive amounts of food should never be categorised as a lack of will power. It's not a simple problem, it's a complex web built from years of eating my life problems and feelings away that needs to be untangled.
It will take time. But my plan going forward is to journal my daily emotions and any triggers towards binges. Hopefully if I am mindful towards my hunger ques and eat with the intention of energy and not comfort, it will create the stronger foundations where I can change my relationship with food for good.
Hara hachi bun me

Just having a lazy early morning and wouldn’t mind some people to chat with.
My discord has been kinda slow lately and needs to be cleaned out and filled with some new peeps to talk to.
I don’t have many requirements except that you’re talkative. I don’t like dry conversations any more than Anakin Skywalker likes sand.
Me: Plays golf horribly, enjoys spicy food, long walks on the beach, video games and has a slight problem buying books when I already have stuff to read.
Massively dislikes spiders and aggressive hornets but otherwise likes animals, especially frogs and my cat who is a Royal pain in my ass.
I like fantasy of varying sorts, spooky stuff and cold weather, sweet tea, thinking about what I’d do if I won the lottery, and wishing I didn’t have a fear of flying. Hates radishes but likes water chestnuts even though they’re basically the same thing.
I like lame jokes and geeking out about nonsense. Let’s talk about our hopes and dreams for the future.
just looking for people who match my vibe. If you think that’s you then shoot me a message with a little about yourself!

TL;DR - Can't cope with my dad's emotional neglect anymore because of the new life I've built for myself, will have to start visiting at home a lot less, wondering if anyone else has had a similar thing where they've abruptly become unable to deal with their parents/home environment anymore?
So background: I largely have trauma because of my mother, who was seriously mentally ill and killed herself when I was 28. Though the part where she killed herself wasn't the traumatising bit, mostly just a relief.
Since moving out of my Dad's house permanently at age 30 (32 now) I've been feeling better and better; opening myself up to my emotions, losing my fear of people, finding it easier to make connections and some of my trauma symptoms have eased as well.
I still visit home every 1-2 months to check up on my Dad, who is very lonely but really I don't owe him anything. He doesn't seem to fully appreciate he's done anything wrong because he 'took care of us' by providing for food, housing, clothes etc, despite everything else that was seriously wrong with our household. The assumption my sister and I have had to come to over the years is that he's on the spectrum, as he takes no emotional interest in other people, throws tantrums, and in general just doesn't seem to understand the give and take required in relationships.
Two weeks ago I visited him for the weekend and found that because of the new ways I've been opening myself up I can no longer cope with the 'trauma' mindset being at my childhood home throws me into; I spent most of the weekend sitting on the couch, unable to move, watching movie after movie.
The problem is even after returning home I'm still feeling exhausted; I've been staying up late, not able to engage in my hobbies, laying an extra half hour in bed in the morning and taking ages to get ready, leading me to being 30 mins late to work each morning. Fortunately I have a pretty relaxed workplace where people set their own hours so no one's noticed.
Just wondering if anyone else has found themselves suddenly unable to deal with their parents/toxic relations anymore, and what you did about it? I think I'll have to start coinciding my visits with my sisters', who only visits 1-2 times a year, if that, and calling him more to make up for it. I considered giving him an ultimatum of 'I can only continue to visit regularly if you agree to see a therapist', but I think he would just view that as some sort of punishment, as any time I've tried to have a serious talk with him about 'these are my emotional needs, please care about them for the sake of my sanity' the conversation has gone entirely over his head.
But thanks for reading till the end whoever you are, much appreciated :)

Preface: This is for Vedic, Sidereal Astrology.
This took a super long time to finish, but I've finally reached a point where I think I'm done trying to improve it. This part will focus more on how Purva Bhadrapada manifests for individuals.
Nature
Purva Bhadrapada reminds me a lot of Kali Yuga. In Hindu cosmology, Kali is the final of the four ages that the world goes through as part of a continuous cycle of creation, maintenance, and dissolution. It is the final stage before the onset of a new cycle, promising the destruction of the old order and the eventual merging of all into a unified whole. It signifies a time of dual balance before dissolution of individual identities and the reunification of all existence with the divine source. This can be viewed as being similar to the process of individual death, but it is on a universal scale. Kali Yuga is considered the age of darkness and moral decline, where spiritual values deteriorate and materialism prevails. According to Hindu scriptures, Kali Yuga is characterized by widespread social, political, and moral corruption, as well as a decline in virtue and Dharma (righteousness). It is believed that, during this age, human beings face numerous challenges and spiritual tests, and the pursuit of higher consciousness becomes increasingly more difficult compared to the previous Yugas. Just as Kali Yuga tests individuals with challenges to their spiritual resolve amidst the prevailing degeneration of values, Purva Bhadrapada is a cosmic stage where one's truest nature is tested through the weakening separation of the spiritual and the material. Here, individuals are made to confront their deepest fears and desires, burdened with the challenge of facing their true nature and purifying their souls. The emphasis of this nakshatra lies in releasing attachments amidst the seduction of outer freedom and power, mirroring the spiritual trials inherent to Kali Yuga. Yet, despite challenges of degeneration, there exists a unique opportunity during the stages of both Kali and Purva Bhadrapada. Kali is believed to be the best time for spiritual progress and true liberation because individuals can attain spiritual growth more rapidly due to the intensity of the challenges they face during this period, and the same is true of Purva Bhadrapada nakshatra. Both Kali and Purva Bhadrapada emphasize the importance of transcending mundane concerns and dedicatedly seeking spiritual truth amidst the backdrop of pervading ignorance.
The primary nature of Purva Bhadrapada is that of penance and disequilibrium. Purva Bhadrapada is the stage of evolution where individuals are made to undergo intense internal transformation and dissolution, shedding layers of their being in preparation for spiritual renewal and divine return. This process of metamorphosis can be seen as a type of penance, whether embraced willingly or thrust upon them. It offers eventual rewards as they journey towards enlightenment. As the primary nature of Purva Bhadrapada revolves around penance and transformation, individuals heavily influenced by this Nakshatra are oriented towards personal introspection and societal purification, viewing their lives as both a personal quest for growth and an opportunity to contribute to the greater good. Individually, they seek to cleanse themselves of past transgressions and strive for spiritual redemption. They feel personally responsible and remorseful for their impact on others. At a broader societal level, they are driven by a strong sense of justice and a duty to rectify societal wrongs to contribute to the collective upliftment and purification of their community. As such, they often subject themselves and others to extreme physical, mental, and spiritual challenges. They are presented with a kind of spiritual trial of sacrifice: either they can willingly embrace self-denial and endure while remaining detached, or they can create so much desire and fear that it causes them to lose the direction of their souls in the process. While the primary manifestation of Purva Bhadrapada energy is inwardly focused on cultivating self-discipline and perfection, oftentimes to an unhealthy degree, sometimes the focus can instead shift outward. This is where Purva Bhadrapada gains a lot of its infamy; Purva Bhadrapada is revered as one of the most "difficult" and "intense" nakshatras among Vedic astrologers. It is an asterism that gets approached with trepidation due to its somber imagery and associations with themes of violence, debauchery, and malevolence. The negative traits linked to Purva Bhadrapada, such as paranoia, pessimism, and hedonism, contribute to its daunting reputation. And for the most part, the fear of this nakshatra is justified. Not only are these individuals capable of doling out punishment themselves through various means like violence, manipulation, curses, etc., but they can also inadvertently bring out the self-destructive or uncontrolled nature of others. They are the types to cause deep introspection and confrontation with one's own shortcomings and fears, often acting as catalysts for irreversible transformation of character.
In terms of Purva Bhadrapada's inherently unbalanced nature, the trajectory is quite clear. These natives are not the type to do anything in moderation and often have an unstable demeanor and sense of self. They will always be pulled towards the polar extremes of anything, but they can flip on their values rapidly following any transformative event. They may occupy the deepest levels of material saturation, completely lost in chasing fame, drugs, sex, and uncontained immoral activities. Yet, paradoxically, they can also find themselves drawn to the heights of spiritual austerity, sometimes even at the same time they are trying to maximize their material standing. This innate propensity for extremes and contradiction manifests in every aspect of their lives, from their relationships, to their goals, to their beliefs, and to their actions. They are esteemed for their amiable disposition, characterized by warmth, thoughtfulness, and a selfless inclination to assist others without seeking acknowledgment. Yet, concurrently, they are often perceived as self-serving, prone to bouts of ill temper, and housing a proclivity towards ego-centricity. Despite appearing outwardly normal a lot of the time, they can be very eccentric. They are the types to lead clandestine lives, harboring secrets and maintaining hidden facets of their personalities and activities, even to those closest to them. This can make them seem nefarious and untrustworthy. Sometimes this is the case, but despite having a reputation for deceit, many of them are known to be sincere and honorable. Yet, underlying however they are being perceived is a deeper struggle to fully identify with anything. This challenge leads to inner conflicts and uncertainties, as they grapple with their sense of self and their place in the world. They are up and down–left and right, constantly in a state of internal conflict that leaves them questioning who they really are. They can feel like they don't know themselves while still being hyper-individualistic and defensive over whatever their current sense of identity is, even though it is likely to change. These contradictions reveal the complexity of their psyche, where outer appearances often mask inner conflicts and contradictory emotions and experiences. Purva Bhadrapada natives navigate the space where boundaries are starting to blur, reflecting the burgeoning singularity of existence in their minds. Due to this, sometimes they can seem like walking contradictions, embodying multiple clashing characteristics at once. For example, while they may harbor a sense of superiority over others, they can also experience deep-seated insecurity and jealousy. They can like to be critical, but cannot handle criticism. Additionally, they might demonstrate a strong desire for independence and self-reliance, yet simultaneously crave validation and approval from those around them. These conflicting traits contribute to their complex and enigmatic nature, making them intriguing yet challenging individuals to understand to others and themselves.
Purva Bhadrapada's inclination towards extremes extends to their pursuit of goals, as they approach certain tasks with unwavering ambition and dedication. They set high standards and are willing to push themselves to extreme limits to get what they want. This relentless drive for perfection and attainment can sometimes lead them to engage in behaviors that are harmful to the well-being of themselves or others, as they struggle to find balance and moderation. At this point, you may be asking, "how is that penance if they are only striving to selfishly get what they want?" Well, the painful truth about this is that they do not really want these things. They are told by others ignorant to their situation that they will be happy when they achieve some kind of abstruse goal set forth for them by society, and they are sent on a goose-chase of material ambition to achieve happiness, but this inevitably only leads to further dissatisfaction. They are met with pain, humiliation, and harsh transformation, but they keep pushing towards their aspiration of material fulfillment. It is only when they get that job, marry that partner, become famous, etc. that they realize it does not bring them happiness or fill them with the sense of purpose they crave. In fact, this realization often sparks intense anger within them as they confront the worthlessness of what they spent all their time chasing. The journey through Purva Bhadrapada is undeniably arduous, but that is to be expected with such a potent force. They are called to transcend their attachments, lest they be forcefully ripped away. They begin to grapple with an inescapable emptiness they feel when interacting with the world, and this can often lead them to deep feelings of nihilism. Purva Bhadrapada natives are predisposed to being unhappy, and this is not a shallow kind of unhappiness that fades based on external circumstances. Rather, it is a deeply existential depression– a feeling of confused worthlessness and dissatisfaction they often battle with for the duration of their lives. Their experiences and attachments become increasingly burdensome as they grow more aware of the fleeting nature of life amidst the desire they have to get the most out of their lives. These natives openly acknowledge the impermanence of worldly intentions, and this can make their minds unpredictable and unstable. Their newfound philosophy can be used to justify any actions according to moral relativism. This marks the beginning of a test of their true nature as they grapple with the realities of life. If nothing matters in the grand scheme – where whatever you do will eventually fade into obscurity, wiped away with the start of a new cycle – they become mentally uninhibited, feeling free to do whatever they please. The real concern lies in what they choose to do with this. Doing whatever you want only becomes harmful when what you want is harmful. But sadly, the reality is that mast people are not strong enough to fully resist the temptation of evil. Therefore, this trial is exclusively administered to individuals who possess a high level of spiritual advancement. Regardless of the difficulties they face, those governed by Purva Bhadrapada have tremendous inner strength and personal resilience, which often manifests in worldly and spiritual achievement and prosperity in various facets of their lives.
Individuals born under the influence of the Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra are inherently inclined towards detachment from external influences. This detachment often leads them down two distinct paths. Some choose to embrace a life unbound by societal norms, driven solely by their inner convictions. These individuals seek to experience life to the fullest, embracing both its joys and challenges. However, if they feel unfulfilled, they may turn to darker pursuits in search of excitement. Conversely, others utilize their detachment for spiritual advancement, renouncing materialism in favor of a disciplined quest for higher truths. In both cases, detachment becomes a defining trait, shaping their lives in divergent yet meaningful ways. Whether they become revolutionary leaders or appear lazy due to their selective motivation, their actions are stirred only by what truly invigorates their souls. Their inner character often changes with time. They can often start out seeming quite innocent and fragile, and a lot of the time they will have something about them that invites torment, be it their big and eccentric personalities, their height, their weight, their looks, etc. This often leads people to perceive them as different and vulnerable. Unfortunately, this vulnerability often attracts individuals who seek to exploit, victimize, or corrupt them. There's a noticeable pattern of others attempting to take advantage of their perceived weakness, whether it be through just trying to make them feel bad, manipulating them, coercing them to do things they do not want to, or forcing them to be alone by treating them as outcasts. This predatory behavior can leave these individuals feeling isolated, betrayed, and miserable, further fueling their inner turmoil and sense of disillusionment with the world around them. However, this also serves to strengthen them. During the course of their lives, they will experience a series of external transformations that will change who they are. While their soft and innocent demeanor may still be present in some ways, there will be a new darker side to their nature. The inner transformations that Purva Bhadrapada natives undergo change them into stronger, more hardened versions of themselves. This alteration can manifest in tendencies towards violence, aggression, deceit, manipulation, etc., yet at the same time, it also equips them with the strength and capability to protect others when needed. As they navigate the complexities of life, they become formidable forces, possessing the resilience and detachment to confront challenges head-on along with the capacity to wield their strength for both good and evil.
Purva Bhadrapada natives exhibit a curious mix of flippanse and seriousness, often displaying a casual attitude towards many topics yet demonstrating am air of severe solemnity in regards to topics concerning philosophical and existential matters in particular. They possess a keen intellect of innovation and creativity, excelling in fields like science and research owing to their insatiable thirst for knowledge and a relentless pursuit of deeper truth. While they may have a religious inclination, their focus lies more on unraveling the essence of spirituality rather than adhering rigidly to dogma. As a result of their approach to religion, it can sometimes lead them to be critical of conventional religious practices, which rely heavily on rules and ritual. These natives disdain hypocrisy and superficiality, valuing authenticity and depth in both thought and action. However, despite their outward confidence, they often wrestle with inner self-doubt and a crippling fear of failure, which leaves little room for optimism when faced with setbacks. While they typically prefer solitude, they may inadvertently exploit relationships when seeking to escape the monotony of everyday life. They are driven by an innate desire to transcend mediocrity and be perceived as exceptional and unique. This drive for excellence and distinction stems from underlying feelings of insecurity and a fear of judgment, compelling them to constantly push the boundaries and strive for success through originality in all aspects of their lives. n personal relationships, Purva Bhadrapada natives may struggle to balance their need for independence with a desire for connection. Generally, in their interactions with others, Purva Bhadrapada natives are intense yet detached. Despite their desire for authenticity and closeness in relationships, they may struggle to express their true feelings openly, fearing rejection or misunderstanding. This internal conflict between their need for connection and their fear of vulnerability can create barriers to intimacy, causing them to retreat into solitude or self-imposed isolation. In addition, their critical nature and high standards can sometimes alienate others, as they can come across as overly judgmental or demanding. They do value depth and sincerity in relationships, but they also tend to push others away with their intensity. Despite this, they are often very empathic and understanding and can offer support to those they hold dear.
Before I get into the padas, I want to give some examples. I do not want to go into much detail or take up too much time with this, but given the very complicated nature of this nakshatra, I feel that it is necessary to provide media representations for people to look into if they are interested in knowing more about how it manifests: Martin Scorsese PB Moon and Andrew Garfield PB ASC (Silence Official Trailer (2016) - Paramount Pictures), Billie Eilish PB ASC (Billie Eilish - bury a friend (Official Music Video)), Jack Black PB Moon (School of Rock (2003) Trailer #1 Movieclips Classic Trailers), Dylan O'brien PB Moon (AMERICAN ASSASSIN - Official Trailer - HD (Dylan O'Brien, Michael Keaton), Logan-Marshall Green (Upgrade Trailer #1 (2018) Movieclips Trailers), Paul Walker PB Moon (Hours TRAILER (2013) - Paul Walker Movie HD), Bill Skarsgard PB Moon (The Crow - Official Trailer (2024) Bill Skarsgård, FKA twigs, Danny Huston), Olivia Wilde PB Sun (A VIGILANTE Official HD International Trailer Starring Olivia Wilde) & (The Lazarus Effect Official Trailer #1 (2015) - Olivia Wilde, Mark Duplass Movie HD), John Stamos PB ASC (John Stamos Stars in "Secrets of Eden" Lifetime), Hozier PB Sun (the lyrics and imagery of this video are extremely Purva Bhadrapada) Hozier - Take Me To Church), Kaya Scoledario PB Sun (Spinning Out Official Trailer Netflix), Ryan Gosling PB ASC (THE FALL GUY Official Trailer 2 (Universal Studios) - HD), Camila Mendes PB Moon (Do Revenge Official Trailer Netflix), Bryan Cranston PB Sun (Breaking Bad Trailer), Sabrina Carpenter PB Moon and Milo Manheim PB Sun (Sabrina Carpenter - Feather (Official Video) Alexandra Daddario PB Sun (Anne Rice's Mayfair Witches Trailer: Starring Alexandra Daddario AMC+), Jacob Elordi PB Moon (2 HEARTS Official Trailer (2020) Jacob Elordi, Tiera Skovbye), Tom Blyth PB Moon (Billy The Kid (EPIX 2022 Series) Official Trailer), Daniel Gillies PB Sun (COMING HOME IN THE DARK Trailer (2021) Daniel Gillies Suspense Thriller Movie), Matthew Gray Gubler PB Sun (KING KNIGHT Trailer (2022) Angela Sarafyan, Matthew Gray Gubler), Jon Hamm (Corner Office (2023) Official Trailer - Jon Hamm, Danny Pudi, Sarah Gadon), Rachel Weisz PB Sun + Moon and Sam Claflin PB Moon (MY COUSIN RACHEL Official Trailer FOX Searchlight), Chris Pine PB Moon (Jack Reacher Movie Trailer), Madison Beer PB Sun (Madison Beer - Make You Mine (Official Music Video), Sharon Stone PB Sun (Basic Instinct - Trailer (1080p)), and Michael Jackson PB Moon (Michael Jackson - Thriller (Official 4K Video).
Padas
(mostly for Moon) They all tend to be skinny to middle weight until they get older, where they either become more muscular or plump/curvy.
1st – The first pada of Purva Bhadrapada, falling in the Aries Navamsa, signifies a stage of primal energy and raw ambition. With Mars as their guiding force, they exhibit a relentless drive to achieve their goals, refusing to be deterred by obstacles or setbacks. However, being the initial pada of the nakshatra just leaving the stage of Shatabhisha, this quarter is the least spiritually developed. While they may possess great worldly ambition and the capacity for success, they may also be prone to ego-driven actions and an overly narrow focus on material pursuits. They can get into occultism or spirituality, but it is usually an attempt to further themselves in the material realm. Natives born under this pada possess a combative nature, always ready to engage in confrontations to defend their beliefs or assert their dominance. They tend to be more mentally aggressive than physically, but nonetheless their volatile temperament can lead to physical disputes as well when they are provoked enough. They know they can be very damaging when they lose control, so they will do everything in their power to prevent escalation. Ironically, this can make them seem passive. They typically exhibit anxious tendencies while attempting to conceal or downplay their feelings of worry. Natives of this pada are extremely passionate, but they have a tendency to constantly compare themselves to others, which ultimately can lead them to disregard their efforts to focus on surpassing someone else's. This propensity of theirs for aggression, envy, and competitiveness can strain relationships and hinder their personal growth, as they become consumed by their own desires for dominance and validation. They are usually medium tall with a wide forehead and low eyebrows.
2nd – The second pada of Purva Bhadrapada, ruled by Venus in the Taurus Navamsa, embodies a stage of sensual indulgence and creative expression. Individuals born under this pada are drawn to the occult and mysteries of the unseen, often delving into practices such as astrology and black magic. There is a bit of detachment from the mysticism of it at this stage though. They may prefer to look at it through a scientific or philosophical perspective as opposed to one that embraces faith in the divine. While their interest in these esoteric realms may lead to proficiency in such arts, it also heightens their propensity to lose track of their life's direction, becoming absorbed in the pursuit of hidden knowledge and power. Natives of this pada are characterized by their attractive physique, with beautiful broad teeth and strikingly captivating eyes that draw others to them. They possess an innate charm that makes them highly appealing to the opposite sex, and they are not hesitant to indulge in their darker desires and fantasies. Their creativity knows no bounds, as they constantly innovate and explore new avenues of expression. However, despite their magnetic allure and creative flair, individuals of this pada are prone to indulgence and excess, particularly when it comes to satisfying their sensual appetites. Their pursuit of pleasure and gratification can sometimes lead them astray, causing them to lose sight of their responsibilities and priorities. This stage of Purva Bhadrapada is more spiritually evolved than the prior, but it is still in the accumulation phase of Aquarius and the 11th house. Despite their outward charm, they may struggle to find stability and balance in their lives. They are prone to accidents.
3rd – The third pada of Purva Bhadrapada falls in the Gemini Navamsa and is ruled by Mercury. Natives born under this pada embody the mental side of Purva Bhadrapada, which is very focused on cultivating critical reasoning and gathering information, emphasizing communication, learning, and adaptability. Individuals born under this pada are intellectually inclined, constantly seeking to expand their knowledge and understanding of the world around them. They are playful and curious by nature, approaching life with a sense of wonder and exploration. Their energy is expressed through communication and expression, as they excel in articulating their thoughts and ideas. They have a natural gift for language and may find success in fields such as writing, teaching, or public speaking. Despite their playful demeanor, they are still very serious about their pursuits, driven by a deep-seated desire for personal growth and self-improvement. Natives of this pada tend to be peaceful and honorable, seeking harmony and balance in their interactions with others. However, their mercurial nature can sometimes manifest as manipulation or deceit, particularly when they perceive it necessary to achieve their goals. Nonetheless, they are skilled at navigating social situations and may possess a knack for making money through their cleverness and resourcefulness. In terms of appearance, individuals of this pada may have gaunt lower cheeks, high cheekbones, a narrow and defined jawline, and a medium stature. These physical characteristics complement their sharp wit and agile minds, making them engaging in social settings.
4th – The fourth pada of Purva Bhadrapada is ruled by the Moon in Cancer Navamsa. This is the most spiritually advanced of all the padas and tends to be among the most intense. At this stage, individuals born under this pada have either undergone profound inner transformation, shedding their attachment to worldly desires and material gains for the sake of aligning with the cosmic order, or they have fallen for the empty temptations of material life, leading them to a deeper state of moral decay. This pada in the sequence of this nakshatra symbolizes the finalization of death, and just like when we die, the impact of our lives can no longer be altered. You are called to surrender all you have acquired to the purifying flames of the spiritual fire, relinquishing personal benefit for the greater good, and if you fail, your soul will be lost to another cycle of rebirth. This represents the height of the nakshatra's power to manifest, it can come to be either an uplifting force for individuals and humanity as a whole, or as a potentially dangerous influence. Those born under this pada are deeply engaged in their own spiritual pursuits, usually guided by a sense of purpose and higher calling. They possess an innate magnetism and power that exerts influence over others and the world around them. Despite the intensity of their spiritual journey, individuals of this pada tend to enjoy good longevity and robust health, thanks to their deep connection with the cosmic energies. They are often perceived charismatic individuals, drawing others to them with their presence. However, their innate power comes with a responsibility to wield it wisely, as they hold the potential to bring about significant positive change or destruction, depending on how they choose to channel it.
Caste
Purva Bhadrapada belongs to the Brahmin or priestly/scholarly caste. This classification is based on the inherent qualities and tendencies of individuals born under this nakshatra, rather than their family lineage, as seen in contemporary caste systems. In Vedic astrology and Hindu tradition, each nakshatra is associated with as caste, thereby linking them to specific attributes, occupations, and societal roles. Brahmin is positioned as the highest caste and is given the most power and responsibility, both socially and spiritually. In classical texts, the Brahmin caste is exalted for its dedication to scholarship, spirituality, and moral rectitude. Brahmins are depicted as the keepers of sacred knowledge, entrusted with the preservation and dissemination of ancient scriptures and teachings. They are revered for their intellectual prowess, philosophical insights, and commitment to upholding the highest ethical standards. Brahmins are expected to lead lives of austerity, simplicity, and self-discipline, setting examples of virtue and righteousness for society. Additionally, they play important roles in leading religious rituals, ceremonies, and spiritual practices, acting as intermediaries between individuals and the divine. Their contributions also extend beyond religious and intellectual realms though, as they also provide guidance, counseling, and healing to individuals and communities. Overall, Brahmins are portrayed as paragons of virtue, wisdom, and enlightenment, embodying the highest ideals of human excellence and divine knowledge as described in classical texts, acting as oases of wisdom by guiding society not only in matters of spirituality but also in areas such as literature, philosophy, and science. Their primary occupations are mostly associated with administration of all sectors of society, teaching, healing, and providing spiritual guidance. Its intersection with Aquarius Rashi on the ecliptic plane may also relate it to Kshatriya and Shudra.
Gunas
The nakshatras each represent the different gunas at different levels of functioning. For this asterism, it might be confusing to find out that, despite all of its negative connotations, it is associated primarily with Sattva or purity/balance. This mainly stems from this Nakshatra's capacity for penance, spiritualism, and generosity. Overall, Purva Bhadrapada is associated with two levels of Sattva and one of Rajas. Sattva prevails at the physical and mental levels, while Rajas predominates at the spiritual level. At the physical level, individuals born under Purva Bhadrapada exhibit qualities of purity, harmony, and balance. They are often composed, grounded, and possess a sense of stability in their physical endeavors. Mentally, they tend to exhibit clarity, wisdom, and a penchant for introspection when they are only focused on engaging their rational mind. This can get muddy when they try to incorporate less tangible aspects into their thinking though. At the spiritual level, the influence of Rajas emerges, driving them towards spiritual growth and evolution but also threatening them with the struggle of inner turmoil. With Rajas at the most personal level of the spirit, this can cause a onstant seeking pf external validation and gratification, which leads to things such as constantly chasing after fleeting desires and pleasures from their lack of contentment. Additionally, the intense drive associated with Rajas may result in overexertion, burnout, and a disregard for self-care. It can lead to an inflated ego, arrogance, and a tendency towards manipulative or self-serving behavior. Therefore, while Rajas can propel individuals towards spiritual evolution, it also poses challenges that need to be navigated with mindfulness and self-awareness. Together with the heavy influence of Sattva, Rajas in this nakshatra creates a spiritual restlessness that works to propel these natives to actively engage in spiritual practices, seeking to transcend worldly limitations and attain spiritual liberation. It comes with risk, but this is a necessary trial.
Gana
Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra falls under the category of Manushya Gana, or "human/mixed species." This designation speaks to the inherent qualities and tendencies of individuals born under this nakshatra, aligning them with human characteristics and behaviors. People belonging to the Manushya Gana Nakshatras, including Purva Bhadrapada, place value on their self-worth and esteem. They often enjoy good physical attributes and are blessed with fortune, leading comfortable lives. With warm and friendly personalities, they exhibit care and affection towards their family, friends, and loved ones, readily offering assistance to those in need. However, they also prioritize their own interests and benefits. They are known for their warm and caring nature, and while they may appear busy if approached, they are capable of balancing their personal and professional lives effectively. The path of those born under Manushya Gana nakshatras is undefined. They possess the potential to exhibit both positive and negative qualities, akin to the diverse nature of humanity itself. They have the potential to be even more evil than the Rakshas and even more good than the Devas. While some may lean towards acts of kindness and generosity, others may display tendencies that are less altruistic. This blend of qualities makes them a complex combination qualities you might see for the Deva and Rakshasa Ganas. Keep in mind that you should look at the dominant Gana in your chart to gain a better understanding of how this may apply to you.
Thank you for taking the time to read this if you did. I will have to continue this in a third part because I'm out of room on this post. Afterwards, I will be starting on Shravana Nakshatra soon, and then later on Anuradha.

Hey Reddit,
I recently returned from an incredible trip to Vietnam, and I wanted to share my journey to Cat Ba Island with you all. This place is a hidden gem, and my experiences there were nothing short of amazing.
Even the trip to Cat Ba Island was an experience in and of itself. Having left Hanoi, I rode a bus to Hai Phong. I took a speedboat from Hai Phong and was quickly transported to Cat Ba over the stunning waterways. The horizon was dotted with limestone karsts, providing breathtaking vistas during the boat voyage.
Once I arrived, I rented a motorbike to explore the island. The freedom of riding around was exhilarating. I visited the Cat Ba National Park, which offered breathtaking hikes and a chance to see the diverse flora and fauna. The climb to the Ngu Lam peak was challenging but the panoramic view from the top was absolutely worth it.
The food on Cat Ba Island was another delightful surprise. I indulged in fresh seafood, with dishes like grilled squid, shrimp, and the famous Vietnamese pho. The local markets were bustling with activity, and I loved trying out street food like banh mi and rice paper rolls.
The people of Cat Ba were incredibly friendly and welcoming. I struck up conversations with fellow travelers and locals alike, learning more about their way of life and the island's history. One evening, I was invited to join a local family for dinner, and it was a heartwarming experience to share stories and laughter over a home-cooked meal.
Have any of you been to Cat Ba Island? I'd love to hear about your experiences or answer any questions if you're planning a trip!

I’d say it’s one of the best experiences I had and none of the dish disappointed me. Service was impeccable and felt less uptight as I was solo diner so those small conversations meant a lot . I also got the champagne pairing with tasting menu and Ngl I finished some of the sauces completely
One of the staff also took me upstairs to show me the view which was pretty overall both food and service were memorable

Hi everyone, I've read through the flowchart and lots of posts here but would still appreciate some advice. I have ~£9000 worth of debt right now, £700 owed to a family member and the rest is on 0% interest credit cards. Around £4000 is owed to me by my SO (I took out a credit card in my name when we bought our house to cover various renovations and we just decided it was easier for him to owe me the money and will start paying me back soon when another financial commitment is over). I have around £600 in savings and generally top that up by £150 a month but I'm also using that money for driving lessons right now so I'm taking out more than I put in. I take home ~£1500 per month and my bills/mortgage totals £500 (this also covers part of our monthly food bill but I probably put another £200 towards that over the month). We put our rent and bills into a joint account and some months we end up over paying slightly so that goes straight into a joint savings account (which currently has next to nothing in it after a recent holiday). I have ADHD and I find budgeting pretty overwhelming, I've done a lot of work to curb impulse spending over the last year but we have a dog, I'm learning to drive and we're doing work on our house. Money just seems to disappear quicker than it comes in. I hate having debt hanging over me, any advice is much appreciated. What would you do in these circumstances?
Edit: I'm feeling really supported by all the comments, thank you for the firm but fair advice everyone. I've just paid £610 of savings into my credit card and put my driving lessons on hold for now. Myself and my partner are going to combine all our savings into one high interest account and work towards using them to jointly pay off these debts. I currently pay £100 a month towards my credit cards so with my added savings I can pay off £250 a month. I've had a conversation with my partner who is getting his arse in gear to sell some gaming pc equipment that he's been meaning to get rid of for a while and thinks that should bring in around £500 which will go straight to paying off debt. I have a wardrobe full of clothes that I only wear half of, these will be going straight on vinted this weekend. I've also just cancelled £16.99 a month worth of unused subscriptions, all these little things help!

TLDR; friend believes I’m being financially abused and should reach out for help. I’m unsure if that’s actually the case. Not really sure how to tell.
Context - I had been living with my ex for almost two years, above the pub/restaurant he was the manager of. Due to living there, the only thing we HAD to pay was council tax. Any other bills were what we wanted (car finance, phone bill, Netflix etc). I took this opportunity to go back to college for a year, and work two days a week. Working two days a week was enough to cover my bills, and my ex said he would pay the council tax, which was reduced by 25% due to me being a student. This is a long story.
The situation - £5,000 went missing from the pub. Apparently the bag split when it was picked up and taken to the bank (a company comes to do this). While the money was being recovered, my ex had to cover £5,000 until it was all accounted for, as apparently it was in his contract. He came to me asking to borrow £3,000 as he didn’t have enough to cover it all. I reluctant lent it to him, and got it in writing that regardless of the outcome, he would give me the £3,000 back. The money was never recovered.
At this time we were about to go abroad on holiday. The £2,000 he had to give to the pub was meant to pay for the rest of the holiday (deposit paid). He convinced me that they would get the money back and if I paid for the holiday, he would then cover what he owed for the holiday. Stupidly I agreed and paid the £2,000. AFTER I had paid and came back from holiday, he then explained to me he had absolutely no money now until payday (few weeks away). He couldn’t even buy food for his child when she stayed with us, which is something I then also covered. This was August time.
In November, we were due to take his daughter to Disney, he told me a week before we were going that we were driving. Up until this point, I was told we were flying and flights were booked. I told him we cannot drive to Disney as he has over £1,000 worth of working needing doing to his car, low break fluid, an engine malfunction, worn tyres and it was just too dangerous to even drive his child there. His daughter knew about Disney and it had already been rearranged several times. So I told him I can lend him money to take her and hire a car to drive. He agreed. During the same conversation I told him to get his banking up so we can work out where all his money is going, considering he earned over £2000 a month, had barely any outgoings, yet was always poor. He was very reluctant but finally did. Turns out he was spending a lot of money on only fans. Obviously I was devastated and didn’t lend him money for Disney.
Two days later, I received a letter stating council tax hadn’t been paid for the entire year. I then found out he has a CCJ (county court judgement) and due to this, the council sent bailiffs after me as my name was also on the council tax, and they didn’t see any point in going after him as he already had debt. This was another £1,500 (to cover the council tax and bailiff company fees).
Please don’t ask why I didn’t leave at this point, I’m kicking myself for not doing so.
In January, he had another disciplinary (first being the missing money) and lost his job. I won’t even attempt to explain what happened, I still have no idea. Regardless, we had less four weeks for him to find a new job and find us somewhere to live. He did apply for jobs, and started one about 5 weeks later. As for somewhere to live however, I ended up having to do it while working and studying for my exam, while he spent most of the time gaming until 4am, leaving me to sort out everything. It was all very last minute but I managed to find us a house, big enough for us, his child and for him to have a man cave/office. Due to the CCJ, he wasn’t accepted unless his parents were guarantors.
I told him I want no bills in my name (apart from the rent), so if he misses payments, then i want it to be his issue. Come to getting WiFi - he couldn’t because of the CCJ. He came up to me, with the WiFi person on the phone, telling me to give my consent to have it in my name. I asked him if we could have a chat about it first. He told me that the guy is on the phone ready, right now, to get it all set up, and that if I didn’t do this, then I wouldn’t have internet to study for my exam. Due to me being autistic, I heard that, panicked and agreed. Stupid, I know.
He decided to start doing Amazon flex (deliveries for Amazon), and he told me that what he made off that, he would give to me (I haven’t seen a penny). He called me one day saying he can’t get onto his monzo app to send himself money, so I had to send him money for petrol for him to do deliveries. For the first time, I said no. He told me that if I didn’t, then he couldn’t work and get paid to give me money. I still said no and told him to ask his mum. He then didn’t work.
He admitted to me in message that he was reluctant to pay me back in case I ended the relationship. I then decided to end the relationship anyway and am having to live with him until the lease is up in August. We came to an agreement that instead of me paying my half of the rent/bills, he would cover it and I would take that amount off of what he owes me.
Rent is meant to come out of his account each month, but I’ve been receiving emails and texts stating the rent hasn’t been paid. He keeps telling me it’s an issue due to the reference number and that it’s sorted. I had another email yesterday saying we’re 14 days over due on rent. I called the estate agents and they said it still hasn’t been paid. Ex is telling me it has been paid, I’ve asked him to show me on his banking app that the transaction has gone out. He is flat out refusing saying what he does with his money is not my business. I’ve tried explaining that he owes me a few thousand pound and that the rent payment is my business.
I’ve had a friend tell me that this is financial abuse and that I need to seek help before things escalate. The only time things got physical was when I had his phone trying to budget and came across the only fans payment. He tried to grab his phone off me, but I moved as I tried to see how far back the payments go, and I ended up being pushed to the floor (he’s 6foot 6inches and I’m 5foot 4inches for context). He’s very good at gaslighting and manipulating me. Am I being dumb or is this financial abuse?
Sorry for this being all over the place.

TLDR: I kissed my ex-girlfriend and don't know how to move forward in our relationship.
Hello, I do not want to give too much information but the gist is this. Me and my ex-girlfriend have dated two times in the past. The first time at 18 and the second time at 20. (we were both the same age.) We split due to many reasons such as huge differences in religious belief. (I am atheist she is a strong Christian.) We both appreciated one another but our beliefs kept making us feel like we had to change one another, and create a void between us. We are morally similar, however it is impossible for us to have a conversation about religion without one of us getting extremely frustrated.
After our breakup she has gotten far more religious, both as a way to cope with the relationship and to improve herself. (her words not mine.) However recently we have started talking a lot more. She invited me to hang out, and I came over. The situation was strange. We got food, argued about religion, and then for some reason as we were bickering her mood immediately changed. One thing led to another and we were kissing one another. We talked briefly about the idea of dating once again, then awkwardly went on our way.
As much as I cherish and care about this person, our views on religion completely divide us. I am almost certain a successful healthy relationship between us is impossible. However I find her to be extremely alluring. Our opinions differ on far more than religion, however again, morally we are on the same page. Both of us are also politically aligned, but our ideal careers, dreams, etc do not.
Please forgive me for issues with communication as I am not the best at either relationships or forum usage.
I really care about this person and do not want to cause them any harm. However I don't feel like any form of intimacy will be beneficial. I also despite disagreeing with her on religion, do not want to force her to break her own beliefs in any way even if I disagree with them.
Do you believe it is possible for us to be mature enough to maintain a platonic friendship? Despite finding one another almost irresistible. Or should I cease contact going forward and try to forget she exists entirely?
I am new to both this subreddit and this kind of post, so I hope I have provided sufficient information. I would really appreciate serious replies only.

Chapter 1: the event
It was the fall of my intern year as I bean my off service trauma rotation. This month was ubiquitously notorious for being the most labor intrusive and least productive rotaion of our emergency medicine program. Knowing this I entered with the intention of simply surviving the month.
Another intern and I let’s call them A for sake of ambiguity, we’re the first emergency medicine residents to roste on the trauma services that year. A shaky start would be an understatement. In the words of chance the raper “like my grama with the Parkinson’s playing operation.” Would better describe it. Medically we did well. We were very competent and completed our work daily, but communication and coordination was non existent. Our Cheifs had informed us that Tuesday was our day of and the Trauma cheif residents had minimum communication with us, or our Cheifs as it seams when A and I did not report on Tuesday they sternly made their dissatisfaction known.
I have struggled with insomnia sense the age of 10. Had 2 sleep studies by this point in my life and been prescribed nearly every sleeping aid on the market. The 80-94 hr work weeks of our trauma rotaion only worsened my insomnia. My lack of sleep likely contributed to a less than prime adaptive immune system and 2 days out of my trauma rotaion I contracted strep like symptoms with associated nausea, requiring me to call for a sick day the next day. No the first day that I felt too ill to work. I was not fully aware of the reporting process. I reported to my Chiefs, but I did not believe I could come to work tomorrow with amble time and notice, however I was somewhat delayed in letting their Cheifs know, because the surgical chiefs rotated every few days and I did not know who my was going to be the next day. The second day which I had to call out sick I was able to locate the cheif for the next day and reprot according to our university’s protocol, which requires that if a resident feels they are not fit for work they must not come in and the university must have staff coverage without any fear or implementation of punitive actions.
I had finally survived to the last week of my trauma rotaion and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. What I could not see was the pile of stress, shitty diet, lack of mental well ness and sleep deprivation which I was pushing down to reach the light. By this time I had seen a psychiatrist regularly for sleep medication. I had mentioned to him that I had been experiencing more stressed lately and feel that I might be depressed. he reassured me that it was likely only due to my circumstances, given the difficulty of the trauma rotation and wish to reassess once the rotation was over. Looking back I had to fill the habit of drinking more than I usually do. My only on nights before I have days off became 1-2 beers every other night. All of this repressed unhealthy shit finally pushed bad on September 23rd. That night I was at work even later than usual, I stayed up later than usual and couldn’t seem to fall asleep. With the stress of only having minimal sleep and knowing I only had 2 more days of trauma left, I took an extra dose of my sleeping medication.
I opened my eyes to the fighting sight of sun beaming in my window and I instantly knew I was late. (Sense I hadn’t seen the sun in a month) . Due to my need for scrupulous sleep hygiene I have been sleeping with my phone of and away for me. I rushed to grab it and watched as the little Apple logo seamed to glow on the screen for an eternity. Then in conjunction with its fading I saw 3 missed calls from my director, a text from college A and 2 missed calls from the surgical director. Still, I was able to calm myself, knowing that resident A had been late to this rotation by a few hours 2 other days and nothing came of it. I called my director back and he asked me to report to his office where I was greeted by my director, my coordinator and another emergency medicine facility.
With the only explanation of: “we just want you to get better”, I was handed a letter, to my relief it did not entail my termination, but a declaration of administrative leave and a requirement to undergo an evaluation at a well known university in Florida.
Lake any other savvy millennial, I did my research. By research I mean numerous google searches and screeches thru the depts of redit. To my dismay I discovered that in order for a residency program to fire you, they must first initiate an administrative suspension. I would soon find out however, being terminated would have been a delightful outcome compared to what ensued.
I spend the next few weeks in the wallos of regret and depression. I indulged in higher qualities of alchohol then I ever have before. I all but ceased communing with peers, and abruptly stoped any physical activity I had once enjoyed. Frightened as I was I was ensured, it will be ok “we just want you to get better”
Chapter 2 The evaluation : guilty until proven innocent I did exactly as instructed and scheduled an evaluation, I supposed that this was either a mental evaluation to assess if I’m fit for work with plans of termination or it actually was an evaluation to better treat my insomnia. To this day I regret my ignorance, and wish I had researched the process more. The Hindi / sand-skrt idea of Hamsa 🪬 is that in order to do any good you must have full knowledge or else good intentions can result in harm. I truely believe my director had good intentions, however but him and I did not have full knowledge of the nature of this evaluation.
Looking back see how easily I could have avoided my troubles by asserting legal aid at this point or even by researching this evaluation process more in depth. If one searches impaired practitioner program which I now know this evaluator works for, the search entire will populate 5 or 6 layferms along side their home website and there is a valid reason for this.
If one every finds themself in this process I employ you to bring a DSM to your evaluation or at least be familiar with the most common use disorders in the DSM-5, because your evaluation will turn into a dance of questions where the evaluator attempts to trap you in a round about way to stating something that may qualify for one of the diagnosis. I have provided an image from the DSM-5 below outlining AUD, which the evaluator concluded that I had the most severe from:
Image
Example***** Here are 10 examples of how he fraudulently assessed me taken directly from his assessment note.

1. Evaluator: Have you ever stoped drinking in the last year.

Me: yes I stoped every week day, I was only drinking on the weekends, until two weeks ago.
-Evaluator uses stoping and starting every week to qualify for 2 or more unsuccessful attempts to stop in the last year “There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.”

1. Evaluator Have you ever had withdrawal symptoms

Me no
Evaluator Well Have you ever had a hangover? You know that’s a from of acute withdrawal
Me: yes in college, I had a few but that was years ago and I’m pretty sure the pathophysiology is different.
Evaluator uses this to count for withdrawal symptoms even tho is was more than a year ago

1. Evaluator: Have you even taken your sleeping medication on a day or night which you drank? Me: Yes, I took my prescriptions are prescribed but I never drank close to bed

Evaluator: qualified this as dangerous behavior with alcohol (where the DSM gives examples such as unprotected sex and drunk driving). The sleeping medication I was on is not a benzodiazepine therefore it is not deadly with alcohol. I personally have seen many patients in the ED who have taken their entire bottle of the medication and drank copious amounts, we just monitor them over night and rehydrate them

1. Evaluator Has anyone told you you drink to much or been worried about you Me: No I drink much less than my friends

Evaluator what about your girlfriend? Me: well she actually doesn’t drink at all she doesn’t like it. She often buys me beer for The Weeknd’s tho. One time we went to a movie and she got a little irritated because I waited for beer then complained about them not having any craft beer. So she said, “you couldn’t have just said no” and drank something else. However, she apologized after and said it’s worth waiting if it’s my only day off.
Evaluator said this qualifies for continued drinking despite causing significant relation consequences, ie divorce.

1. Evaluator : you have sleep issues I hear, and your chart says you’ve had depression in the past, don’t you know that alcohol can effect your sleep and mood Me: yes that’s why I never drink within 3 hours of sleep.

Evaluator but you knew this and still drank
Evaluator: qualifies for drinking despite unwanted physical or psychological effects (this should be recurring to effects the alcohol is causing, I have had insomnia sense the age of 10 long before I took my first sip)
7 evaluator you were late for work and told my you had a drink the day before
Me: Yes but I was late because I didn’t sleep and took double my sleeping meds, I will never do that again
Qualifies for 2 significant work or school issues in the past year ( a therapist and other psychologist ensured me that being late on or a few days doesn’t count they typically are getting fired or failing) ( moreover, this would assume I was late do to drinking it’s self and also assume if happened more than once)

1. • Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended

He never once asked anything related to this question yet said I qualified in his final report 9. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects. The evaluators logic here was sense I was late for work and I had 2 beers the day before I must be taking long to recover from it (this is assuming I missed due to alcohol)

1. Tolerance drinking more to require the same effect: this he checked as true in his final note however it was never even discussed in our evaluation. I did mention to him that I’ve been drinking more than I had earlier in the year frequency wise, but they said nothing to do with quantity or needing more.
   
2. Wanting to drink so bad you can not think of anything else: this is the only qualification of SAUD my evaluator said I did not have.
   

Moreover, without legal help I was not aware that I could obtain a second evaluation or even oppose going to get evaluated at all, but that wouldn’t have mattered seeing I still thought this was for my health and wellbeing as seen when I was asked why do you think you are here to today, to which I replayed “so that I can be evaluated to see what is needed to get back to work”.
To maks the ordeal more infuriating the evaluator continues to ingratiate himself and lie through the process telling you, “it will be fine as long as you are 100% honest”, “anything you say in here is between you and me” or “you slipped up once with your meds, I know your residnecy program they will probably just want a few more out patient tests”
Two weeks later I received a phone call right before I left for an out of state vacation to visit my nice for her birthday. During the call I was informed that I would be required to complete a partial hospitalization program (PHP) lasting “6-10 weeks” which would coast from 15-50 grand not including doctor visits or housing which is billed separately. I suppressed this inconvenience, enjoyed my vocation and reported when I returned, knowing that I must complete this soon so I may return to work with due to the fact that my payed time off would soon be diminished. At this time I had not yet heard of the organization PRN.
Chapter 3 Guilty till proven innocent: The diagnosis
Shell shocked I arrived to a in patient psychiatric unit and was rapidly cleared to progress to treatment without detoxification. During my 90 day of forced rehabilitation I met a few other individuals who were unjustly and fraudulently forced into treatment. I began to look up to one of these such members of the men’s community, who I will refer to as patient X for ambiguity sake.
Unlike me patient X did have alcohol use disorder. He spent many clinic days drinking to avoid alcoholic withdraws. The curious component of his story is that he admitted his depravity, saught help and through his own journey became sober. The bodies at be, namely his local physician, Health monitoring program, rejected his personal path to sobriety and forced him to undergo 90 days of in patient treatment before he could practice medicine again. When he checked in to rehab he had been sober for over a year.
Ask for Stories of people from online
As for me I spend many sleepless nights pondering how consuming a legal substance in a moderate amount could throw me into significant legal financial issues. My labs my toxicology, my story and my collateral from colleagues from colleagues all indicated light to moderate alcohol use but my evaluators word stood as the word of God.
More frightening was the director of this rehabs acknowledgment of this. The director who happens to also coincidentally be the evaluator, stated to me as well as to staff on multiple occasions: “ I suggest inpatient treatment for everyone who is reported”. “This is safer for me not to miss anyone who could harm patients, and I figure there must be a reason someone reported them.”
I am still elucidating the reason why I was determined guilty and proven innocent, however I can say from my 90 day stent that the majority of the patients at this rehab needed to be there. This program is saving lives of both providers and patients, however it is destroying the lives of those wrongfully accused.
Chapter 4 your lisense rehab or jail : Upon arivil I was sent to a detox hospital underwent a medical examination and was “one of the lucky ones” who required no detoxification and could report directly to PHP. Like everyone else, I spent 90 days in a PHP, being as 6-10 weeks is simply a lie they tell patients to decrease the change of resisting the treatment. When discussing the topic one therapist sated “if we told patients 90 days they would never come.” She then attempted to justify the treatment by outlining the story of a patient she had called who “didn’t make it to treatment” and killed themselves”. It is my belief that it is not the lack of PHP which impelled such professionals to take their life, but them realizing that they now will be obliged to undergo 90 days of PHP, 5 years of PRN monitoring with a loss of autonomy and hundreds of thousands of dollars taken from them that induced their hopelessness. For even if these professionals were truly mentally unstable in their addictions, in every case it was only following a phone call where they were informed they must undergo treatment that they took their life’s. By this time I still haven’t the slightest clue what PRN was.
Despite the security these programs provide for many my 6 main issues with them can be summarized in : 1. Kick backs: evaluators are directors of treatment clinics 2. The reported are guilty till proven innocent 3. The price, the overflow of money these places drag in from both patients and state universities is appalling, they charge separately for every visit and test 4. Although they make the claim that they are individualized, they are anything but. Every patient gets the same stay and treatment from the doctor drunk on the job and the one who was late to a shift 5. They force voluntary treatment. remember that friendly evaluator who promised he had your best interest at heart, so you opened up and told him everything about your substance use/ developmental / family history, well if you don’t stay for 90 days he will be “normally obliged” to tip the board of medical off to you.

1. The programs have overstepped their intended jurisdiction. -these programs work well if they function how they were intended at their inception. Cite original purpose. Originally these programs were designed to protect physicians and civilians from impaired practitioners; being healthcare workers who were impaired at work. Over the years, these organizations have extended their authority to encompass individuals with substance use disorders When not at work and also those who are in training to become healthcare professionals. Take for example myself compared to a physician who is impaired at work. A doctor who arrived for duty under the influence would surely benifit from the extensive testing, therapy and accountability enforced via these programs. In accordance the 20,000$ per year cost is appropriate when only making up roughly 7% of their yearly salary vs nearly half of a residents. In my case with my loss of income from employment, coast of treatment and monitoring, this year I will be required to pay 20,000$ to work. Yes, I will be losing money to work. Even if did indeed have a substance use disorder this level of monitoring wouldn’t not be considered appropriate.

Dispite all of the miscomings of this System My time spend in PHP was indeed helpful, as I believe it would be for anyone. Time for exercise, a reprieve from work and weekly counseling. A sample structure of my day to day schedule is provided below for insight:
Structure The general structure of these rehabitation centers is as follows: 1. One week of orientation phase, where you are not allowed in electronics or contact with the outside world world. Therefore, if you’re going, bring some things you would like to read or study. 2. In phase 2, you can use your phone however you cannot leave campus. You must stay in the dorm on campus. These shitty 1 room run down apartments with two other roommates will cost you about $1000 a week, they are required for at least four weeks and they are billed separately, no insurance will help you out here. 3. In phase 3 you can commute to campus if you beg your therapist and live very close. Whether you’re on campus or living off-campus, you are allowed to leave up to four hours per day. If you commute, you’ll be required to take a sober link decide you must Breath, alcohol test into every 6 hours. Like everything else in this program you must pay for this separately, a few hundred dollars a week. You advanced to other phases by completing assignments, however, assignments are limited by required built-in time, intrusive, scheduling, and reviewing. Therefore, if you do everything as rapidly as possible phase 1 will take one week phase 2 will take three weeks.
Every day schedule:
7:30: wake up, report to the front desk to inform them that you haven’t ran away yet and take and prescribed medications. They keep all your medications and require that you report to take them; for me this was antidepressants in an attempt to dispel the depression I contracted from being forced into treatment and whatever off label medication they were attempting to treat my ADHD with, since control medications were forbidden.
8 am: community group assessments This consisted of other patients presenting their assignments amongst the large group, on the weekends this was often an hour later and 12 study regularly took the place of assignment presentation.
10 am: process group. This was a two hour group therapy session with 6 to 12 other professionals in a therapist and training or occasionally a licensed mental health therapist.
1 pm: recreation This was generally about an hour of some sober themed craft or activity. Once a week this time slot was used for yoga.
2 pm: this was another time slot used for patients to present assignments as well as for individual therapy sessions. Each patient had one individual therapy session lasting 30 minutes per week.
3pm: This was time allotted to work on assignments or go to the gym on your sex specific scheduled gym day.
5pm: this time was used for guest speakers or another 12 step study group.
6 pm : this was generally an off-campus 12 step group
10 pm: report to the front desk and let them know you still haven’t ran away and take and Medication which are prescribed to take at night, then return to your cot bed in your room with 1-2 other roommates.
I found the community to be one of the most beneficial aspects of the PHP program. I was in a cohort of chill ass professionals of the same occupation who were always there to help each other.
Assignments The curriculum of the PHP consisted of assignment based on every step of the 12th step program. Generally, a patient would be required to complete an assignment on their own, review it with other patients, then faculty and finally present the assignment in front of the whole treatment group. You’re only given one assignment at a time and there are multiple steps to each which all requires scheduling this ensures that no matter how determined a patient is a full 90 days of treatment is required to complete all the assignments.
AA structure -the obsolete nature of AA has been verified in numbers studies, but I will refrain from divulging here and lend that endeavor to Dr. Lance Dodes very thorough discussion on the subject,in “the sober truth “
In all sincerity, if I truely did have a severe use disorder this experience could have been life saving. I only wish I could have used my 50 grand for someone who has spent their life time In addictive without reprieve. My first conversation when I was given my phone back was how I wish my father could be able to attend this PHP.
Chapter 5 reporting and PRN Self reporting What they ask you What you should tell them
There’s a third-party agency called professional resource network. Every state has their own. This agency works as a liaison between you and whatever credentialing service your occupation requires. Essentially they ensure your monitoring after treatment. Stake governments and licensing boards trust them, mainly because they monitor with the highest level of intrusiveness. This alleviates much work for state governments and licensing boards because once an individual is being monitored by a professional resource network, then they are deemed appropriate for duty and no further investigation/litigation needs to occur, as long as the monitored individual completely complies.
Because I was never impaired at work I was never reported to this agency. The general workflow of things someone would report you to professional resource network, then the resource network would contact you, and then you would be required to report for an evaluation at a treatment center, which would inevitably result in a suggestion I’ve treatment at that given treatment center. In my case I was sent to the treatment center without PRN being involved. Thus, two weeks into treatment. I was notified by my therapist that I needed to call PRN and self report. I attempted to resistance given that I did not have a problem and was not individually seeking help. I asked what happened if I didn’t self report. I was told that in order to stay in the treatment program I had to report to PRN. This meant either I report to PRN or I get kicked out of the treatment program and lose my job.
When you report to PRN they will ask you why you are in treatment. They will then list off every substance imaginable, asking you if you have ever tried the substance and when your last use was. Ultimately, they will obtain your discharge information from your treatment center, so it is in your best interest to report only what was found in your biochemical testing. If it wasn’t in your hair, I would argue that you don’t have a use disorder regarding that substance and it’s not relevant. I don’t believe it’s important for them to know that you smoked weed when you were 12.
Chapter 6 The contract:
Before being discharged from a treatment facility, a professional resource network will have you sign a contract. A little known fact which I was oblivious to is that contracts can be negotiated. Though this isn’t it possible, it is highly improbable that you can negotiate your contract since PRN has a power to delay your clearance to return to work.
Contractor almost never personalized, and I have not heard of a contract which is not a five-year agreement. You will sign releases of information so that PRN has access to all of your information which was gathered at the treatment facility. You must have a therapist, psychiatrist, primary care, doctor, and a addiction, medicine psychiatrist. You assign releases of information for all of them. You will be required To commit to: 1. three mutual aid meetings a week which you must log. I log smart recovery meetings. 2. Weekly therapy sessions with an approved mental health therapist from their list 3. Monthly doctors appointments with an addiction medicine psychiatrist 4. Yearly appointments with a primary care physician 5. Monthly appointments with a psychiatrist 6. Daily check-ins on a random drug testing app ( you will agree to weekly urine tests, a peth test 4 times a year, a hair test twice a year and a little caveat that says anything else they deem, clinically reasonable) 7. Quarterly update reports which you are required to obtain from a workplace monitor, therapist, addiction, medicine, psychiatrist, primary care physician and any other doctor you are seeing. 8. You must upload all of your prescriptions into a mobile application every single time you get them refilled and are not allowed to take them until they are approved. 9. Attendance of a PRN group via zoom. This is a local group you are assigned along with other monitored practitioners. There is a fee of roughly 130$ a month to attend this required group. For me all of these requirements coast around 20,000 a year. If you ever have a positive test even if it is the result of contamination from rubbing alcohol or unintentional ingestion of alcohol/ allergy medication your contract will rest to 5 years from the time of positive test. Once your five year contract is completed, you must ask to be released from monitoring. At that point they will search for any reason to keep you under monitoring. This could be dilute urines, daily check ins or a week where you did not attend mutual aid meetings. Every certification and license which you apply for will likely ask you if you were under a monitoring program/ have been treated for substance use. You must give an explanation and check yes. As far as licensing programs are concerned, if you were under the monitoring of PRN, you are safe, however they group practitioners who have had behavioral issues with practitioners who were diverting drugs from work. Therefore, keep in mind that you will be labeled as a sever addict.
7 Back to work and only work. During treatment your only goal is to return to work, however when you return your experience will be drastically distinct from what you remember. For me, I was now working in isolation. Missing six months of my training meant that no other Resident was on the same rotation as me. My coworkers at all formed friend groups. When I returned I was greeted with much concern for my well being. No one would speak to be about my absence, however everyone knew there is only one reason a resident would leave for 6 months then return. My Accdeemic meetings were consisting of attending telling me “I have a target on my back now” and “ I have to preform even better than others” in the light of my time missed. If this wasn’t alienating enough, the majority of Resident events, sponsored by recruiters and my university revolved around alcohol to which I had to give some excuse to why I can not partake with others. I’m fortunate that I do not have an addiction, because these stressful conditions along with the daunting amount of dead and requirements imposed by PRN are enough to make any addict relapse. While I was at treatment, I was in the dative with Samyr stories a physicians whose addictions got the best of them. Physicians who did not make it to treatment, often taking their own life. These stories were presented as a warning. Your addictions will kill you without our treatment was the message. When, in reality I did not hear one story in which the addiction killed physician. Every physician who didn’t make it to treatment took their life after being told they must report to a treatment facility. Perhaps they knew what this entailed and it was not their addiction or getting caught which caused them to end their lives, but the unmanageable and often unreasonable burden that treatment would put on their lives.
9 How to escape So your fucked your in PRN and should be or you should and now your recovered and want to terminated your contract.

1. You ask to be released early done at 1/2 time ( good luck)
2. You have “good reason” (no one has ever been let out of contract because of this reason, the verbiage is far too vague)
3. You serve all your time and they let you out(maybe, as discussed earlier, they would do everything they can to keep you in your contract as long as your practicing)
4. You can’t practice medicine anymore

10 Layer up butter cup : I cannot emphasize the extent to which legal help is required in this process. You much seek it and seek it early. Lawyers can provide many avenues to you early in the process. Once you have committed to treatment, gone for evaluation or are in a PRN contract , this is very little that you or legal help can do. Spend a few thousand dollars when you are accused and save the 20-30,000 later.
After you have been evaluated if you disagree as I did, then this is the process you must undergo. 1. Hire a occupation, defense, lawyer 2. Prove you don’t have an addiction, this is done by having an alternative evaluator with similar credentials state that either you don’t have an addiction or that PRN’s level of monitoring is not medically appropriate ( this will need to be a multi day neuropsychological evaluation, which will cost about $5000). 3. Your lawyer must draft in writing that the medical level of monitoring is not required such as another medical professional and send this to PRN 4. PRN will tattle on you to the board of medicine. 5. The board of medicine will conduct an investigation. 6. At the end or when they believe they have enough reasonable evidence to the board of medicine will suspend your license or claim, you must comply with the PRN contract to practice. 7. At this time your lawyer will defend you in the state court against the board. This is costly but much less than the coast of a 5 year PRN contract 8. If you win you will likely suggest an alternative level of care such as gonna get therapy every week. If you lose, than you wasted a fuck ton of money and are still bound by your PRN contract.
Overall this entire process has coast me Over all coast:
My finances for this year only including PRN and rent are as follows:
120-200$ every week for testing 480-800/ month
65 every week for therapy 195/month
125 every month for PRN group
About 50-69 every month for 2 doctor apts
So at least 745$/month at the lowest
Treatment at the recovery center coast 20,000 for me out of pocket and
I wasn’t payed for 6 months with no FMLA because I am a first year. At the 1 year mark I will have made 26,000 this year after taxes And payed About 29,000 on PRN alone
Rent is 1,000 so that’s 12,000 a year
Just in rent and PRN alone I will be at 26,000- 41,600 -15,600.
I will be in debt by at least 18,000 at the 1 year mark
Coast of treatment center 20,000 (with insurance) For each year of PRN roughly 20,000 Add that to 6 months of attending salary which was delayed due to my treatment time: at least 150,000 Layer coasts along with other evaluations 25,000 Missing 6 months of residency pay 30,000 Coast of 1 year in monitoring: 245,000 Coast of 5 years 325,000
If my case progress to a trail I will require an extra 20,000 in court coasts
Chapter 11 My secondary eval: Dr sushi After I arrived at my treatment center I challenge my evaluation multiple times. Each and every time I was discharged and often accused of alternate mental health/ substance abuse issues to discourage my advances. I was never given the opportunity to undergo alternative assessment, however PRN guidelines state that you can obtain a second option within 7 days of your first. This is a mute point, however, because you will not receive the results of your evaluation until over a week after it is conducted and the second evaluation must be conducted by another PRN hired evaluator of their choosing. During my stay in rehab I contacted PRN multiple times to attempt another evaluation/ legal help. They warned against both stating they were a “waste of money” and “pointless”.
After completing my treatment with the guidance of many addiction, experienced physicians, mental health counselors and psychiatrists recommendations I sought in a secondary evaluation. I chose a highly qualified professional with over 30 years of experience to conduct an extensive neuo psycho social evaluation of me. One that I was sure would be more extensive than the evaluation I received at treatment and more importantly an unbiased evaluation.
The results from my evaluation not only showed that I did not have a substance abuse problem warranting PRN level monitoring, but also that PRN was falling to allow adequate treatment of other conditions such as my ADHD. My evaluation showed my ADHD was not only untreated by PRNs attempt at using non controlled medication, but also in the top 3% most severe presentations of ADHD. My evaluator went on to explain my results by questioning why my treatment center even mandated I undergo neuro cognitive evaluation. The only neurodiverse findings were my IQ, my dyslexia and my ADHD. However, a neuo cognitive examination can be billed separately by treatment centers, therefore they always recommend one.
Chapter 12 Amongst its greed, intrusive nature and faulty accusations, professional recourse network function highly proficiently at the task they were designed to; protective physicians and patients from physicians who are impaired at work. In this domain they save lives, offer second changes and protect the public. When they act beyond their intended jurisdiction by imposing unnecessary monetary demands on practitionersin training, accuse practitioners without proof or act on behavior exemplified outside of a work setting they unjustly and inappropriately attack the week and innocent.
Proposed reform: As a trainee my universities malpractice insurance covers me for mistakes made at work. If a learner mistakenly harms a patient, then the university stands on their behalf. If the learner does something wrong under a teachers direct guidance, then the teacher is at fault. This makes sense logically as well as pragmatically. The state entrusts large amounts of money to hospital systems and universities to train resident physicians. A portion of this money is allocated to malpractice insurance. This should extend to accused impairment.
Suppose a training university was required to cover rehabilitation and monitoring of a resident of whom they claim is impaired. Alternatively they have the option of firing the trainee. This would reduce the number of innocent trainees being accused of impairment, make the process of rehabilitation more fair and provide a better use for tax payer derived dollars, which hospital systems are given to train residents. The truly impaired could still seek help, less false accusations would be made and with the employers having the ability to fire at the moment of impairment, there would be less chance of impairment at work.

Introduction

Shared office spaces, also known as co -working spaces, have become a popular choice for businesses, freelancers, and remote workers. Creating the perfect shared office space involves careful consideration of design elements and staying abreast of current trends. Here, we explore the key components and emerging trends that contribute to the ideal co -working environment.
1. Layout and Space PlanningOpen LayoutsAn open layout fosters collaboration and communication among coworkers. It allows for easy interaction, creating a dynamic and energetic atmosphere.Private AreasWhile open layouts are important, having private areas for meetings or focused work is equally crucial. These can include private offices, phone booths, and quiet zones.
2. Ergonomic FurnitureAdjustable Desks and ChairsInvesting in ergonomic furniture such as adjustable desks and chairs can significantly enhance comfort and productivity. Ergonomic designs reduce strain and prevent health issues associated with prolonged sitting.
Breakout FurnitureIncluding comfortable breakout furniture like sofas and lounge chairs provides relaxation spots for informal meetings or breaks, promoting a more inviting and flexible workspace.
3. Technology IntegrationHigh-Speed InternetReliable, high-speed internet is a non-negotiable element. It ensures seamless connectivity for all users, supporting various business operations and communication needs.
Smart Office SolutionsIncorporating smart office solutions such as app-controlled lighting, climate control, and booking systems for conference rooms can streamline operations and improve user experience.
4. Aesthetic and AmbianceNatural LightMaximizing natural light not only reduces energy consumption but also enhances the well-being and productivity of the space's occupants. Large windows and open spaces that allow for ample daylight are key.
Greenery and Biophilic DesignIncorporating plants and elements of nature into the office design can improve air quality and create a calming environment. Biophilic design, which integrates natural elements, has been shown to reduce stress and increase creativity.
5. Amenities and ServicesOn-Site Cafes and KitchensProviding access to on-site cafes or kitchen areas where members can prepare or purchase food and beverages can improve convenience and foster a sense of community.Wellness RoomsWellness rooms or areas designated for relaxation, meditation, or exercise can help occupants manage stress and maintain a healthy work-life balance.
6. Community and CollaborationEvent SpacesHaving areas that can be transformed for events, workshops, and networking sessions encourages community building and professional development.
Collaborative ToolsProviding tools such as whiteboards, projectors, and communal tables supports group work and brainstorming sessions, making it easier for teams to collaborate effectively.
7. Sustainability PracticesEnergy-Efficient SystemsImplementing energy-efficient lighting, heating, and cooling systems reduces the environmental impact and can lead to cost savings
.Recycling and Waste ManagementSetting up comprehensive recycling and waste management systems encourages sustainable practices among members and reduces the space’s carbon footprint.
8. Customization and FlexibilityModular FurnitureUsing modular furniture that can be easily reconfigured allows the space to adapt to different needs and preferences, providing flexibility for various events and working styles.
Personalized WorkspacesAllowing members to personalize their workspaces can increase comfort and satisfaction. This might include providing lockers, adjustable decor, and customizable desk setups.

The Role of Technology in Enhancing Shared Office Spaces

As the landscape of work continues to evolve, technology has become a pivotal element in shaping shared office spaces. These innovations not only boost productivity but also enhance the overall user experience. In this blog post, we delve into the key technological advancements that are transforming coworking environments.
1. High-Speed Internet and ConnectivityReliable Internet AccessThe backbone of any shared office space is a robust, high-speed internet connection. Reliable connectivity is essential for remote work, video conferencing, and cloud-based applications, ensuring seamless operations for all members.Wi-Fi 6 and BeyondAdopting the latest Wi-Fi technologies, such as Wi-Fi 6, provides faster speeds, increased capacity, and better performance in densely populated spaces, supporting the growing number of devices used by office members.
2. Smart Office SolutionsIntegrated Building Management SystemsSmart office solutions, such as integrated building management systems, automate control over lighting, heating, and cooling, creating a comfortable and energy-efficient environment. These systems can be managed through centralized platforms or mobile apps, offering convenience and customization.Occupancy SensorsUtilizing occupancy sensors helps manage space efficiently by monitoring usage patterns. These sensors can adjust lighting and climate control based on real-time occupancy, ensuring resources are used only when needed.
3. Advanced Security MeasuresBiometric Access ControlBiometric access control systems, such as fingerprint or facial recognition, enhance security by restricting unauthorized entry. These systems are more secure than traditional keycards or passwords and provide a seamless access experience for users.Surveillance SystemsHigh-definition surveillance cameras and AI-powered monitoring systems help maintain a secure environment. These systems can detect unusual activities and alert security personnel, ensuring the safety of office members.
4. Collaboration ToolsCloud-Based PlatformsCloud-based collaboration platforms like Google Workspace, Microsoft 365, and Slack enable seamless communication and project management. These tools support file sharing, real-time collaboration, and team communication, facilitating efficient workflows.Interactive WhiteboardsInteractive whiteboards and digital flip charts are valuable tools for brainstorming sessions and presentations. They allow teams to collaborate in real-time, even with remote participants, enhancing creativity and productivity.
5. Virtual and Augmented RealityVirtual Reality (VR) Meeting RoomsVR technology is revolutionizing remote collaboration by creating immersive meeting experiences. VR meeting rooms allow participants to interact in a virtual space, providing a sense of presence and engagement that traditional video conferencing lacks.Augmented Reality (AR) for Design and PlanningAR can be used to visualize office layouts and designs, enabling better space planning and customization. By overlaying digital information onto the physical world, AR helps in making informed decisions about furniture placement and office design.
6. Mobile and Remote AccessMobile Apps for Office ManagementMobile apps designed for shared office spaces offer features like room booking, event registration, and community networking. These apps provide members with easy access to office resources and streamline administrative tasks.Remote Access SolutionsWith the rise of remote work, technologies that support secure remote access to office networks and resources are crucial. VPNs and cloud-based services ensure that members can work from anywhere without compromising security or productivity.
7. Health and Wellness TechnologiesAir Quality MonitorsMaintaining good air quality is essential for a healthy workspace. Air quality monitors track levels of pollutants and ensure ventilation systems are functioning properly, creating a healthier environment for office members.Wellness Apps and WearablesWellness apps and wearable devices can encourage healthier lifestyles by promoting physical activity, providing stress management resources, and offering health tracking features. Integrating these technologies into the office ecosystem supports the well-being of members.

Conclusion

Technology plays a crucial role in enhancing shared office spaces, driving productivity, security, and overall user satisfaction. From high-speed internet and smart office solutions to advanced collaboration tools and wellness technologies, these innovations are transforming how we work and interact within coworking environments. As technology continues to advance, shared office spaces will undoubtedly evolve, offering even more sophisticated and efficient solutions to meet the diverse needs of the modern workforce.Designing the perfect shared office space involves balancing functionality, aesthetics, and community needs. By focusing on key elements such as layout, ergonomic furniture, technology, and sustainability, and by staying aware of emerging trends, you can create a coworking environment that is both productive and enjoyable. As the nature of work continues to evolve, so too should the design of shared office spaces, ensuring they remain conducive to the diverse needs of their users.

Hello there! I’m a penta legend bard looking to build a new group for the upcoming Dawntrail first tier savage. The goal is to clear it in Week 1-2, the latest Week 3 asap, then do weekly reclears and farm afterward for BiS, as well as preparations for the new ultimate afterward.
If everything goes well, this group may go into ultimate together, or there maybe replacements/reform if needed. That being said, people with ultimate clears when they were fresh out on patch are highly preferred and mainly who I’m looking for. This is Not a blind prog group, I expect people to study whatever they can get, pov, graphic strats, stuff that the group decided on, etc. in their own time and come prepared to raid. We may do a bit of optimizations after most people get their BiS and continue on to at least get 2~3 sets of BiS. I also have a mind to try out split clears, but will see if everyone has an alt ready to try that (currently off the chart atm as some don't have alts, but maybe a thing to try in future).
Current comp: GNB, BRD, PIC Looking for: Tank (any), Healers, Melee DPS
Raid Time for Week 1: Everyday 5~7 pm, break, 7:30~10:30 pm, break, 11~12:30 am PST Week 2+ and reclears: Tuesday to Saturday from 6~10 pm PST (May add days if don’t clear as fast, just be prepared for that in early weeks. Days will be reduced as we are more geared and reclears are done faster, and have days for optimizing/parsing. Week 2+ hours will likely be same for ultimate in future but going for 5 days, days and hours will be discussed again when the time comes)
Requirements

• Previous experience with sHC or HC statics
• Good teamwork mentality. Do what’s best for the team
• Good communication. Preferably everyone is willing to talk on voice for discussions and call outs even if you are not into chatting all the time. Mandatory for all tanks and healers
• Able to do purple+ logs with ease
• Have previous whole tiers cleared experiences is a must, and had clears in early weeks, no later than Week 3
• Have previous ultimate experience is highly preferred for savage group, a must for subsequent ultimate group

Expectation

• Be punctual and on time for raids
• Prepare and bring your own food, pots, and gears
• Study the fight and strategies ahead of time
• Prioritize doing mechanics over dps during prog
• Patience, emotionally mature, good attitude, and willingness to discuss and work together
• Able to take constructive criticisms
• Willing to improve together as individual and group
• Be optimistic and positive. Mistakes and wipes will happen, there’s no need to chase it as long as people willing to improve and know what they are doing

If you are interested, please message me riecats on discord and tell me a bit about yourself with a link to your fflogs so I can get to know you better!

Sorry if this is worded weirdly, I’m not to sure how to put this all in to words. I (17f) live with my legal guardian K (40f) and I have done for about 10 years now. And over those 10 years she has become considerably worse as a parental figure for me and my sibling. It’s got to the point that this time last year she kicked my 15 year old sister out who then had to go live with our dad who was homeless and recovering from a mental health crisis. And now I’m worried she’s gonna try and kick me out. K is now repeating all the same behaviour that she displayed just before she kicked my sister out, all be it this is all happening in the space of a couple of months and not over a year like she did with my sister. This behaviour includes starting argument over little things, such as giving me food I’ve never liked for dinner then shouting at me how I’ve become so fussy and how she “can’t remember all the foods I don’t like” or randomly shouting at me when I come and ask her something and then she will come and apologise later, saying how she will change and it’s not fair for her to blow up at me like that, these apologies will either only last the rest of the day or end up with her shouting at me again for something completely unrelated and a lot of other things which if I wrote them all down would take forever. All of this came to ahead on Tuesday, when just as my bf was leaving he noticed that K’s car door was open and came back to tell me, he also noted that all the back seats had been pulled down so we worried the car might have been burglarised. So I went to tell K and ask her to come and check to make sure everything was still there and she said no and just to lock the car, and I asked her if she was sure about that and she blew up at me shouting and screaming about how I’m so critical of her and just to close the car door. So I just walked away with her still screaming at me and locked the car door. My bf asked me if I was gonna be okay and if he wanted me to talk to K and I said no and that I’ll be fine. My bf left and my evening continued, until K called me out of my room to ‘apologise’. She began with saying how I know my criticism weren’t out of malice and then proceeded to get more and more angry during the conversation, until I said her screaming at me in front of my bf wasn’t cool and her response to that was “that wasn’t screaming, this is” and proceeded to scream at me for 10 seconds straight. After this I ended the conversation because I wasn’t gonna talk to her after that. I also arranged to stay at my father’s for a night and for my bf to drive me there. Apon telling K all this she told me to stay for as long as I needed and not to come back. It’s been 2 days since then and I’m planning to go back to Ks tonight even though I really don’t want to, but I can’t stay at my dad forever and I have no where else to go.

I (35f) have found evidence that my mother who has been missing 20 years is still alive and is out and about. I have 4 siblings, Jane 37, Ann 33, Fran, 33, and Crystal 30. We were all raised together, even though some of us our half siblings. Jane and I are full siblings. I never really separated any of us because we all share the same my mom and were raised together so I just call every sister; sister. When I was 12 years old, my mother asked me a question “if you had to choose with being with me or your sisters, who would you rather be with?”. I remember telling my mom I would rather be with her, then a month later, she woke me up in the middle of the night and told me we were leaving. A bit a background, we were extremely poor, living in shelters or government assistance. There were many times we went to bed hungry, but sometime my mom would wake me up and take “us” (me and her) to get food. My mom was my everything from a very young age. Anything she believed in, thought or taught me, I retained over the years and found them to be important. Like “join the military, if you don’t know what you want to do” “treat every relationship like it will be you last (i.e. do everything to take care of your man). I did 4 years in the army, and every relationship, I put way more into than I should’ve. But in my eyes, these were things I was supposed to retained and respect. When I hit 13.5 years old, everything changed. In 2002, the state, government, DCS, CPS, DCFS, whatever it is in your state found me. They found me at school and took me away to live with my sisters and Grandfather (someone I was always told was dead). I finally saw my sisters again, I was happy about that. But it also came with its own set of problems. “Where have you been? What happened? Why did you?”, Ect, etc. Of course, I had no answers, the choice to pick my mom or them, I couldn’t say how it all went down in the beginning, keep in mind I was 12 to 14 in this whole process. After a while my sisters and I were able to get passed that decision I made. We ended up having “visitation” with my mother. She came to two visits, promised we would see her again and then disappeared. She reached out one other time after the 2nd visitation to tell ME, she was in the hospital for trying to kill herself, literally my last conversation with her. This happened in 2002/03, it all blurs this point in 2024. So they found out me with my sisters and grandfather (someone I remember my mother saying was dead already when I was with her). So my mother raised me until I was 13, and my grandfather took care of me from 14 to 24. Over the years, I would always try to look for her, I would used reverse address sites, stuff like “BeenVerified” “Truthfinder” and other reversed address websites. Anything I could afford to find her, never had enough money for a private investigator. But thought all the websites I never found substantial information. And I did this at least once every other year for about 14 years. It was devastating nothing ever panning out, but life goes on. May 2016, her father my grandfather passed away. He left $100,000, to each of his children. At the time I definitely thought, this is when I’ll see her again, this is when I’ll know what happened, because of course she will show up to get her inheritance…. Wrong… so wrong, she never popped up and just continued to be gone. Our original state is California. In Cali, if someone is missing for 5 years you can you can have the courts declare them deceased, it’s paperwork and exhausting, but also totally doable. I waited 8 years to start the process of trying to get the inheritance (it was never about the money, but in my mind, if it’s just there with the State, forget all that, give it to her struggling kids). So in January 2024 I started the process so me and all my sisters can get the inheritance. I was preparing documentation for the next court date and stumbled across a copy of my mother’s ID and birth certificate. I found it through the court because she was trying to get her inheritance exactly at the 5 year mark. I feel awkward. I prayed and hope for a long time that I would see her again, but after 20 years, I figured she must have died, People don’t just leave 5 children behind and forget about them…. Now that I was trying to better the lives of me and my sisters, now I find her information…. (It’s all too weird) I know life isn’t fair, and people have it better and worse than me. But I’m also like, what type of bullshit is this, I was finally ready to move on, now’s there’s a small glimmer of hope that I’ll see her again… you have got to be shitting me… I found her info a 2 days before Mother’s Day, just another slap in the face. So all that is the background to the AITA post. So now after explaining to 3 of my sisters that “she” found and I have an address for her, this is where the disconnect starts. Jane and Ann, wants nothing to do with her, they’re hurt, she left us, I get it, atleast to a certain extent. There’s so much hate because she disappeared. But myself and Fran, wants any and all information to understand what happened. It’s not normal to go AWOL so we want to know wtf happened. Unfortunately Crystal died in 2022, but she has explained her feelings before and she would definitely be on Jane and Ann side. Once again, I get it, we were all abandoned for over 20 years. I’m just a person that needs/ wants closure. And Fran is with me on that. Jane and Ann don’t want me to “poke the bear” there are completely over the situation, so when I mentioned reaching out, they both want absolutely nothing to do with it. And Jane doesn’t want me to reach out at all. But in my mind, I’ve been searching for years, so I want some contact if possible. So earlier today, I wrote a letter and sent that along of a copy of my youngest sister obituary to beg, super beg for my mom to respond me to try to have a relationship with her against my sisters wishes. I asked Jane and Ann for permission to send the letter, and the answer was pretty much “don’t do it”. I usually try to be super mindful of other peoples feelings and what they have been through ( I’m a Social Worker). But I felt like I couldn’t deny my feelings and I had to reach out. I’d be lying if I said I hated her, or didn’t want a real relationship with her. Over the years I started to say the same things as Jane and Ann, but I know part of that is believing I would never have the chance to see her again. But as of right now, that’s no longer the case. So AITA for reaching out to my estranged mother against my Sisters wishes?

prior to this post may post pa ako tungkol kay guy
this - https://www.reddit.com/OffMyChestPH/s/LdBK3YlU1f
LONG STORY POST (sorry)
natatawa ako. nalulungkot. naiinis— hindi ko alam anong mafifeel ko actually, kung kailan tinapos ko na lahat tsaka naka-buo!
so, siya pa nagtanong last time kung dinatnan na daw ba ako kasi kung hindi bibili na siya ng pregnancy test. tapos napaisip at napabilang nga ako, tangina. oo nga. parang isang buwan na akong hindi nagkaka mens. tapos right after nag PT na ako lahat faint line, 6 PTs yun pero may isang medyo malinaw na 2 lines tapos the rest faint lines na. nagpa book na din ako sa GP and refered me to do a ultrasound which is hindi pa ako nakakapag pa book due to 6 days ang work ko and supeeeer busy. ini insist naman niyang samahan niya ako and siya na mag book but kako ako na bahala sa lahat.
nung sinabi ko sakanya to, galit ako. minessage ko siya ng sobrang haba nanaman at masasakit na words lol. na kako pagod na akong maging parausan niya kung yun man intention niya at kung hindi niya makita worth ko i said leave me fucking alone, find someone and get a bitch he'll going to mess with! lol
eto ang reply niya na paisa isang text haha — "I never think that you will think like that. Thats horrible way of thinking i never want any side chicks. Believe me i loved you and it is still there because i told my sis too about u that how you took care of me. Fucking you are rude. How many times you attempt to falsely make me a bad person? I never underestimate you but you do a lot to me. you are a short tempered person!"
after niyan tumatawag siya but hindi ko sinasagot at blinock ko. pati sa whatsapp umabot siya na kausapin ko daw siya hindi ko din nirereplyan then kagabi, nagutom kasi ako pag-uwi nag toast ako ng bread tapos sabi niya "why don't you want to atleast communicate?" kako "what for?" sabi niya ang tigas daw ng ulo ko. tapos sabi ko "you know my last resort is to go back in the philippines." sabi niya "no. you can't take the baby like that, i will come with you if ever." which is sinabi niya ulit kaninang umaga. kako impossible, kasi ang ganda ng trabahong iiwan niya dito. engineer siya dito tas iiwan niya? no way. sabi pa niya happy daw siya if ever man, tapos hahanap na daw siya ng house for us to rent ng kami lang. ang sabi ko sakanya "i don't want you to decide such things just because this situation happened. i am fine, you don't have to worry cos i can handle things." sabi niya lang "no."
ayun, nag-usap ulit kami kaninang umaga, at siya pa mismo nag iinsist ng conversation. sabi niya saakin ulit kung gusto ko daw ba magpasama sa doctor humindi ulit ako. and based on him feeling ko for citizenship na yung papers niya kaya sabi niya kailangan niya pang mag work ng 2 years for visa conditions and all good na siya kaso daw, hindi nga daw planned tong nangyari kaya hindi kami ready financially and emotionally. kako sakanya, naiiyak ko na to lahat. na inexpect ko ng magiging single mom ako, tinanggap ko na yung fate ko, nag desisyon na akong kaya ko to dahil may trabaho naman ako at sinabi ko nga din sakanya sa msg before na kahit kailan hindi ko kailangan ng support at kahit anong tulong niya.
panay ang text, kamusta daw pakiramdam ko, gusto ko daw ba dalhan ako ng food, uminom ng madaming tubig, wag masyado maglalalakad and such. ngayon pa siya nag gaganito kung kailan pawala na yung pagmamahal ko sakanya. ako ngayon ang cold at petty saaming dalawa. hindi ko din alam. sa pamilya ko walang nakaka alam ng sitwasyon ko ngayon for sure madi-disappoint sila saakin though right age to marry and build a family naman na din ako pero hindi lang nila din ine expect kung sakali na hindi pala ako mag eend up sa ex fiancé ko. (which is different story to tell lol)
to be honest hindi pa din nag sisink in saakin mga nangyayari ngayon, basta lagi lang akong nahihilo malalang cravings and bugnutin. wala akong magather na thoughts ngayon, sobrang blangko ko.
matalino naman ako, may magandang work, hindi naman ako chaka, pero bakit pagdating sa pag-ibig sobrang bobo ko? sobrang bobo sa totoo lang.