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2021.01.25 05:45 Keyluver ~ Welcome November!...time to get Cosy ~
Celebration of our wonderful 4 Seasons & Holidays as we go through the Seasons, share what you love about the season we're in now đEnjoying Cosy November âđ......then onto đđ» .....âWinter â~ đ·Springđ± ~ đSummer~ đFall đ
2021.01.25 04:38 Keyluver Your_Romantic_Heart
~ Romance through the Seasons~
2024.05.15 19:06 Mimolete Waifu tier list - Spoilers
 | Hey everyone! submitted by Mimolete to UnicornOverlord [link] [comments] I never played a game where I can have waifus and choose one at the end. I'm about to fight the final battle, and it has been an awesome ride, what a game! I've eaten so much with my comrades in this game, because I wanted to max out their relationships and see every convo the game had to offer. Didn't want to choose the waifu without giving all of them a chance. https://preview.redd.it/9puyhfxsgm0d1.png?width=904&format=png&auto=webp&s=4c3208758591ff57696a1336270f5e8d3ca46751 So, after almost 200 hours of gaming and seeing every convo, here is the final result! I'll explain a lot of them and please bear with me if it's all over the place and in no particular order! I must say before we start, I took this decision quite seriously (lol) so my choice always was about "who do I like the most AND who could be seen as a queen when we take back Cornia". Let's immediately start with the Queen herself, Virginia. It always was Virginia. It will always be Virginia. It was love at first sight. Don't you see this fire in those eyes?? Still, I was open-minded and willing to give any other girl a chance through the story and their convos, but even with the convos, Virgina beat them. In the first convo, she shows love towards Alain's mom (her aunt) by scolding and threatening to beat up some dudes who talked bad about the last queen. Alain arrives and sees what happened. He thanks her for getting angry because of her aunt, to which she answers something in the lines of "I'll be angry as much as you want me to be"...sheeeeesh!!! With the ost, the whole scene was fire. In the second convo, she shows indirectly she's been loyal to Alain this whole time from childhood to now. They play this chess-like game they used to play as kids. Then they got separated as kids. Years later, in this convo, Alain wins for the first time and he starts crying cuz he sees that Virginia's tactics never changed since childhood, while his changed. He cried cuz he understood she had no one to play with after he left. That's why she's making the exact same moves she used to when playing with him. One could think she would have played with Gilbert years later, but nope. Here she falls for him deeper, when she sees that he is empathic and isn't sensitive about stuff that happens to him but about stuff that happens to others. And in the final convo, Virginia who always was about that queen attitude, accepts to show vulnerability and basically asks a favor to Alain : "take me home". What a moving relationship all and all between the two, after being orphans for years, meeting together again and make it thru war. Sheesh. I'll talk briefly about the "unstable" row, as some might ask why those are so low. Those are low because most of them are fishy or plain not for Alain. Monica is the bomb, don't get it twisted here. Look at those curly hair and those red/pink eyes, she's a noble who cares about the people. But she's also for Clive, not I can't do that to my man Clive who's the man, but she doesn't even have a final convo with Alain. It's always platonic between them. However, when you watch the last convo between her and Clive, you see they are in the way to getting back together, which is awesome. If it wasn't for her story with Clive, Monica was a serious contender to Virginia. Same for Primm. Primm is for Aramis. Convos show that. Aramis is the most "Mr steal your girl" of all the boys. I have love for Aramis, but I can't trust him with girls around, that's just the way it is. He made Primm blush like crazy during his convos with her, calling her a little flower and stuff. And she hits into him too, very discreetly (not that discreetly). Alain on the other hand, never made her blush. And the final convo between the two shows Primm doesnt care about Alain (as a love interest I mean). Other than that, Primm was also a huge contender at first too, look at her long wavy red hair. She's sweet too. And she says in a convo with Alain, that she was chubby younger, oh boy. But of course, Mr steal your girl had to interfere and from that moment, Primm was never a choice anymore. Liza is my girl, don't get me wrong. She blushes at the end with Alain, acts like a sweetheart who doesn't want to admit she is proudly wearing our gift...however...in a convo with Clive, he asks something like "how can I thank you" and she answers straight up "take me to dinner", what? She was never a serious contendant but she's a cutie. However when I've read this convo it was over for her. Plus Clive is taken, what are you doin Liza. Lea I was never interested in her. She doesn't show real interest either. She cool but thats it. Ochlys and Sharon. Oh boy, where do I begin with. Ok so let's start with Ochlys, as I think she's the most naive of the two. I really like her, and her convos with Alain are awesome, which made it hard to side her . But. but she's too weird with Sharon? If they were kiddos, I would understand their behavior, but they are grown women and they act weirdly childish between them? Why is Sharon massaging Ochlys and why is she blushing, why are THEY blushing? She's a bit sneaky too. She straight up hits on my boi Lex during their unique convo, to the point he's shook. And she acts like she was sitting on a big rock not knowing it was my man Bruno in their convo. What's that Sharon? You didnt see it was Bruno? You didn't see his armor? Don't play with me Sharon. I'll give her some good points though, in her final convo with Alain, she shows sincerity and I like the other convo in which she talks about the orphanage. You can tell she didn't have it easy yet is still kind. But she's kinda a sneak too, sorry Sharon. Look closely at her art, you can tell she can snap if something goes wrong. Railanor is crazy hot, who's gonna tell otherwise? She's just not queen material and she looks like she's into Ithilion. She also wanna push Alain in Rosa's arms so don't look any further. Very loyal girl tho. And hot, did I say hot? Tatiana is into Ghislain or whatever his name was. She's kinda crazy. Which is good. She unironically has pretty eyes, if you look closer at them. But she's into that dude who passed so there's nothing much we can do about that. I have to say that Tatiana was one of the most interesting girls in this game, the most interesting being her final convo with Alain, where you learn more about her secrets and her failures. And where you see her vulnerable, both physically and mentally. Her final convo was a nice and peaceful closure. Lydielle/Rydiel (thats how you call her in the enlglish version?) is a hottie. She's a bit weird with Chloe but maybe i'm too tough with her on this so I'll give her a break on this. She just seems like a good friend to Alain, nothing seemed ambiguous between them, so i just didnt give her the love interest despite being a hottie. Finally for this row, we have Hilda. Authoritarian red head. Hot. No last convo with Alain tho. And nothing showed any flirty moment between them, unless I dont remember something? In which case just remind me. Picking her would have felt forced and out of place. I'm not into bestherians. Ramona tho? Oh boy, this is a touchy one. She feels comfy and her fur feels soft? Did you see those eyes? Looks like she's looking straight up into my soul with those owl eyes. And they look very feminine? She cooks, prepares tea, she is a kind soul who raised Yunifee and Morad. I'm just affraid she could hurt me with her talons but I also feel she would be very careful, you can tell by how caring she is in general. Ramona is tricky to admit but i'm not gonna write this huge post just to hide my real feeling about Ramona lol, i like her. And she's a scholar too, just like Selvie. Regular wereowls? Yikes. Ramona tho??? And she has that vibe that makes me think she could be a queen? That mommy/comfy vibe? Also she has that art in the text box where she closes an eye, which gives that yamete kudasai vibe. Plus it would make Cornia and Bastorias closer, when Bastorias was always isolated from the world. In their last convo, Alain promises to Ramona to make Bastorias closer, whats better to do that than marry someone from there? Talking about that, let's talk Yunifee? Idk man...she just feels like a little sister. But of course the devs had to give her those hips. Come on now. She has those pointy ears too which is a hot touch. We learn late game about a theory that says that basically, bestherians were elves once. They migrated to the north cuz they were banned and used like a forbidden spell to change their appearance in order to hide. And she was a princess too iirc. So she's a very unique character, unique class in the game, thick, but the whole little sister won me at the end. She still made it to A which shows how dangerous she was to Virigina. No transition, let's talk the Scarlett matter? Scarlett is the girl the game tries to force into you, which immediately gave negative points to my eyes. What I like her about her is she's loyal and humble. During that whole Albion arc, she kept her ground, and wanted to be part of the army and be called Scarlett, with no honorific title. She has that chest too. Of course. What I don't appreciate too much tho, but I understand some of you guys like here, is that she's a bit trying to force herself into Alain. She gets mad because he "can't see" what's in front of his eyes. What if he saw but decided not to address the matter? Why trying to force your way? Leave the man and give him space, make him run after you will you? She's a kind soul tho there's no doubt about that. It's just that shes fine, nothin wild about her. We want that spicy personality, that fire in the eyes. If I forgot something cool about her that might me second guess her, don't hesitate to tell me. Very close to Virginia, we have the two Beren. Let's start with Berengaria. She's loyal to the cause and Alain and isn't in Alain's way. If she can handle stuff without Alain having to worry about it, she'll do. You can see it with the Bruno's convo. She tells him no need to worry Alain about the trap and she goes with Bruno to kick some butts. She has Alain's and the army back, she's reliable and will sacrifice herself to protect the ones she loves (her whole arc in Drakengard). Marrying her would also make Alain Travis' brother in law. What's better than having this gem of a man as a brother. When you look at her art, she a hottie. And she has that convo with Virginia in which they it could have gone wrong between the two. Usually nobody stands a chance vs Virginia in a fight. But here it made me ask myself "who would win?". She's mysterious, even in the endgame I feel I could have known more about her. Marrying her would also make Cornia and Drak closer. Very very tough to have let Beren in the back, but you have to choose I guess. So much kindness in her eyes too, smh. As for the other Beren, Berenice. Amazing underdog here, liked her as soon as I met her at the start of the game. Cool haircut, pretty eyes and smile. I really questioned myself because of her story. She became when she cud have become a knight. She basically took the hit for her chief (can't remember his name, the dude who was once loyal to Ilenia but then became a Zenoira soldier), she defended queen Ilenia's honor and got punished for it and kicked out of the army. Making her my queen would have given back the shine she deserves because of her sincere heart, and would have that "coming from the botton now we here" feeling. Taking a nice girl from the people, and making her a queen. Such an underdog and a cutie she is. Great heart and great laugh too (you can see it in some convos, notably the last one with Alain). Let's almost end it, it's been long enough. A rank Amalia and Rosalinda are basically just pure hot stuff but not queen material. They are hotter than most of the other girls, but let's be serious they can't be queens. Look at how they are dressed, what is Alain gonna look like with those baddies next to him on the throne. Ok so first Amalia. Do i really have to explain. Big strong baddie? Legs the height of Alain? Amalia is just a walking temptation. Rosalinda is the exact same thing but petite, smaller. Hot, knows what she wants, goes straight to the point, plays with Virginia's nerves. She's mischievous and I'm in for all of that! I'm sorry but Eltrinde can't compare to Rosalinde. Also, i have this feeling that Eltrinde is a bit sneaky don't ask me why. B rank are all cool girls. Honestly I didn't find any real bad girl in this game, a lot of them has its own thing going on for them. As for the last ones, I see Yahna more like big sistemom. Not the Ramona kind of mom. More like the mom real mom kind of mom. She would make an awesome advisor once Alain becomes king. I have her in my main team, the same way Ilenia had Alcina in her squad. Ummels is a traitor and we gave her redemption way too easily tbh (same as sanatio but that's another story). She was ready to have us dead and buried (pun intended), still a cutie but can't go past the betrayal stuff. Alcina didn't get to know her. She died so soon. Seems like we're able to play her postgame? No idea how she comes back from the dead but oh well. She looks like she lacks hygiene? Maybe it's just me. Idk how I forgot to talk about Selvie? Selvie is a scholar who is always focused on science and learning about the vestiges we visit. But she's a scholar with a fantastic body. Did you see those calves? That chest? One could argue but she hit on Bruno, and call me naive, but I dare to disagree. I think she was genuine lol (maybe I'm too naive, all things considered). Because she sees everything with curiosity, I like to think she was just imagining Bruno's inside skeleton and muscles. Of course Bruno had to run out of fear, who does that? Really Bruno? Anyway at one point I thought a scholar who is a baddie would make for a nice queen, but honestly she lives to travel and study vestiges, so the throne really isn't her place to be. Also idk why I have Raynis in B tier when I think she's special. She's just a regular character you get endgame and doesn't have much of a development, but she is elegant, would make for a nice queen, is nice to others and can be trust. Even Alain says about her she's the most kindly person he ever met, and I don't remember him saying this to anyone else. And she's a featherbow which means she's a nightmare on the battlefield. I actually moved her all the way up to A. Not related but watched Monica art again, so much melancholy in her eyes...dang. What could have been Monica, if it wasn't for her story with my boi Clive. Consider Monica a tier of her own everyone. Thx for reading! |
2024.05.15 19:04 InstructionUnique722 How can I 32m mend the relationship between my wife 31f and my mother 63f?
The rift between them has caused a lot of tension in my family and now my mom wants to be in the life of her newborn grandson but refuses to address or try to mend things with my wife.
Little history: I probably introduced them too quickly. My grandmother was in town in south Florida about to move here from Illinois for a retirement community. My wife, girlfriend at the time, came with cookies or some form of baked goods like she usually does when visiting someone as a sign of affection and respect. Where it went wrong from here I have no idea. I suppose the initial crack was when wife scheduled a skitrip for her and I to have as a 1 year of dating anniversary present. We are not rich, this is a huge gift that made sense to her since I refused to let her pay rent. Our combines salaries are barely over 120k. So wife calls mom 6 months in advance because she is a planner for the sole purpose of asking my mom to watch one of our four dogs. Wife has already paid in full for the trip. Yet Mom decides it is a great idea to instead use the opportunity to hop on and take a family trip because it is the last time the family will have for a family vacation - I am the oldest of two boys and two stepsisters, my mom married the guy she left my father for who has twin girls of his own that were in the womb during the infidelity. Anyway mom completely takes over and decides to make our one year gift a family vacation, so she books tickets for a hotel nearby. Wife is bold but at the time not bold enough to stop my mom in her tracks for overstepping a boundary. At this time she still respected my mother and kind of let herself get steamrolled.
Probably skippable Family history: Now I have always had issues with my mother, resentment for leaving my father for my stepdad behind my own fathers back and constantly trying to keep brother and I from seeing âDisneyland dad who doesnât do any of the work but gets all the fun.â my mother was very strict growing up, always bringing us to church and making my father feel guilty for not bringing brother and I on his weekend. So mom marries stepdad age 11, divorces him around 13 after asking me advice for her relationship and i encourage her to move out. Then remarries him and moves us back into his house age 15. Here I begin rebellion and normal teeenager stuff but stepdad wonât butt in because he isnât my âbiological fatherâ so would have my mom intervene brother and i from behind the scenes. For example, I am young and messing around on the piano because music is important and I never had any formal training and mom comes in to tell me stepdad âwants to know when the concert is going to end because it is a little annoying.â Anyway, they have me prescribed adderall at 16 and in the parking lot holding my first prescription I am told that they would like me to move out and in with my father, who had chased us every time mom and stepdad moved several miles away (5 moves from age 5-15 all in one county). Anyway, brother and I are recovering alcoholics with (my) slipups triggered from interactions or visiting my mom, which mom claims is genetics from my father alone and has nothing to do with her. Maternal grandfather, mother, and I have some nasty temper problems which certainly are exacerbated by drinking (at least mine and moms).
Skitrip revelations: Wife and I are on the way to brothers graduation in Chicago, and wife has yet to reveal to me that my mother has taken over her massive investment of a couples ski vacation and it will now be a family vacation for mom, stepdad, brother, two stepsisters who are all getting out of gradschool. On the way to the airport I am told the news by future wife of my one year surprise. So I get upset and call my mom to call it off. She obliges my request and now holds resentment against me and now wife for âruining her last family vacation.â Fine, whatever. Mother never says a word about it for months until we are out for a distant family members birthday dinner and at a table of about 8-10 people that are having a group conversation and gets real close to my wifeâs ear and tells her privately along the lines of âyou deprived our family of our last family vacation.â During this time my wife is frantically tapping my leg under the table because my mom can get a little aggressive. My mom saw this and later (privately to me) mocked her for doing it to my leg under the table.
Christmas blessings: Closer to Christmas maybe 2/3 weeks later we went to go see my mom and my mom had a couple drinks in her (not an alcoholic like brother and I just very sensitive to a couple glasses of wine and occasionally some hidden sips of wine or something) and invites my wife to Christmas church and out to dinner after because the family needs photos for a Christmas card and future wife âwill be the photographer for it.â Now this can easily be a nothing comment but given the way my mom had been making future wife feel, it was taken as an insult. So wife declined church and showed up to family dinner just in time for photography session to be over.
The distance: Then mom moves to a fancy house up the coast and invites us up to visit. At first it is ok to bring the 4 dogs then the day before she says they will not have dogs at the house and we can easily find a sitter. 2 Dogs donât get along, they need to be separated always as there has been two attacks on one from the other, so we canât trust someone to come to the house and keep them separate and we wonât board 4 dogs itâs too expensive for us. Anyway we go back and forth being invited with the dogs then they retract the offer and say pick one dog to bring and leave the others and itâs just annoying, so we say forget it and donât go. But my brother becomes engaged and decides to throw his engagement party at my momâs new place near the beach. Great. First all the dogs are welcome, then day before they say it is too chaotic and she will pay for a small hotel room for one night for future wife and her dogs and my one (the attack dog) can stay in a crate at the house with me but I may not leave the dog to stay with her. And no reasonable cheap hotel in the area is going to accommodate 4 dogs. Anyway wife is stressed but feels obligated to come because I am the best man and I stay at the house while she checks her dogs into the hotel. Wife had made a cheesecake and brought it up in a separate car from me, 4 hour drive by the way, and night of.. my mom says no desserts for engagement party dinner, the dessert is themed or some crazy stuff. Wife shows up to dinner a little later and very flustered because of the situation plus I had relapsed on a bottle of whiskey a couple days prior to seeing my mom. Related, I donât know. Anyway. Mom has had a couple drinks and future wife and I are talking about having children and religion comes up. Mom asks what we were thinking of doing about baptism or not and I jokingly said (guiltily to get on my moms nerves a bit) that he would have a bris and would love it if she would come to the bar mitzvah. now my wifeâs mom was forced to convert from Catholicism to Judaism for her own mother in laws acceptance for a failed marriage so wife is not religious, but it hurt my wife and reasonably so when my mom replied âoh, son, I raised you better than that.â Still no acknowlegement of fault from that comment and mom thinks wife is âoverly sensitive, dramatic, and childishâ for wanting an apology for it.
Weddings: Future wife becomes current wife. We had gotten engaged on our next anniversary trip she planned for us. I proposed on our bike and barge through tulip season in holland with our feet in the water of the North Sea after a picnic in the dunes. her family business manufactures photo albums for professional photographers, so aside from our families all being divorced, estranged, difficult, and us trying to save money, we did not have a wedding, we just did the paperwork within a month of the proposal. I had already decided to have a baby with her before the trip so we were trying. 2 weeks before brothers wedding in Tennessee we become pregnant, so we break news immediately as to not steal limelight from brothers expensive wedding. Mom says she will cover cost of rental car so we can save money. Ok great. She books the tiny car and we pack it and head up the Smokey mountains to the cabins we are staying at. Two cabins for grooms family, one for his mother and one for his father, ten paces from each other: they havnt spoken but twice im since divorce in 1995 but through lawyers. Grandmother, mother, stepdad, 2 stepsisters and one boyfriend stayed in momâs side. Wife and I stay at fatherâs side cabin with just his wife. His Wifeâs 3 daughters and familyâs stayed a town away down the mountain among extended family. Anyway, beautiful wedding takes place. My wife is sent into town to collect flowers and run errands for my mom which she happily obliged to since she is a solitary person and did not want wedding day drama. Day after, we are loading our rental sedan with our bags. Mom and grandma need a ride to the airport and our flight is before theirs so they will drop off the car for us 4 hours or so after we go to the airport 5 hours from current time. Weâre loading the car. Stepcousin passed out in motherâs cabin night before and needed a ride. Disorganized brunch for 20 people is trying to be made. Fatherâs wifeâs daughter books a reservation for 10 people which include her family, her sisters, me, my wife, dad, and their mom. My stepdad had left for home at this point as he had taken his own suv instead of flying with my mom and 90 year old grandma. So mom is trying to pack grandma in the car with bags and my wife and stepcousin. At this point mother asks stepmother if she and grandma are on reservation for the brunch. Stepmom says no they are not, she wasnât sure of their plans. Mom says under her breath âfucking assholes, so typical,â and she goes into a bit of a rage to which my stepmom says here âitâs ok I will call and add you two itâs no big deal.â So we continue packing the car and realize we wonât all fit. So my wife tells my stepcousin to go ride with my father to the restaurant 10 minutes away we will meet you there. Mom says to wife, âno you go with the father.â Wife says âno I am going to ride with my husbandâ mom gets close to her face with her finger and says âthis is my car, you can fucking Uber!â Wife is 6 weeks pregnant at this point and it all escalated from here. wife and mother start yelling at each other swearing at each other and we get into the car, mom behind wife who was in shotgun. 2 occasions on the trip I had to stop the car because mom had taken off her seatbelt to stand over the seat and scream in my wifeâs face with so much vigor that spit came on to her face multiple times. Iâm trying to tell them both to behave and mom sit down shut the f up. Mom is telling wife to get the f out of the car and find a ride, she has no right to speak because sheâs ânew hereâ (dating and living together for 3 years at this point). The following brunch she apologized in a crowd with a hushed voice at a table of 20 people trying to have a group conversation again privately to my wife âIâm sorry you get so upsetâ and my wife told her âthat is not an apology.â The following several hours in the car with grandma and stepcousin and wife were some of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. At a gas station I pulled my mom aside and said I need ther to give a huge apology, that it was so nasty and inappropriate, my brother and I are used to abusive language and aggressive behavior but to my pregnant wife and any other human being it is disgusting and unacceptable. Sitting in the car was quiet for many hours until we got to the airport. No speaking about what happened just mom happy go lucky about Tennessee and Dollywood and wife and I in shock, cousin still half in the bag from a fun wedding, grandma 90 years old probably confused about what happened.
The family groupchat: Im waiting on an apology from my mother to my wife who is extremely hurt and expressed to my mom loads of time she needs to reach out and apologize. Weâre not talking until she will do so. It is bugging me and keeping me up at night. My appendix flares up and I am admitted to the hospital with emergency appendectomy. Still pregnant Wife suggests I reach out to mom to let her know whatâs going on. So I text mom Iâm at the hospital and will have surgery. I send a pic or something that on my end says hasnât gone through. Mom group texts our family group with stepdad, his daughters, brother and his wife, and grandma that I am in the hospital and attaches the pic I sent of me in there. Then she continues to rave about the success of her startup company and how they got FDA approved clinical trials finally completed or some pivotal moment that made the text about her. Wife and I are in a hospital so the picture comes up on moms end as unable to have been sent. Mom assumes that my wife has blocked her phone, so mom removes my wife from the chat. Wife is rushing home to take care of the dogs at this point and is not alerted on her phone, but on everyone elseâs phone it clearly reads â(mom) has removed (wife) from the chat.â Immediately I text my mom and basically say how dare you do that to her she is the one who insisted I let you know out of respect and mom responds with blah blah she did this she did that I will not have it. So I go back to the family chat and remove mother. At this point I let everyone in the chat know what my mother has done and how she refuses to take responsibility for how she made my wife feel, address her feelings, apologize or do anything at all to reach out about the wedding incident or even inquire about the wellbeing of the pregnancy for her first grandchild. Stepdad finally steps in and tells me âenough.â Grandma says âshame on you.â I am dumbfounded. This is a hush hush family that hates to have anything out in the open and likes to maintain a picture perfect image. For examples; 1) I and wife were on the family Christmas card of a photo taken at the wedding that the whole world received except for wife and I. 2)brothers alcoholism was to remain hidden from the family as was his rehab treatment and how it affected his career. Now understand that they like to keep things quiet but that is not how I want to handle my problems, these things trigger alcohol use and violent outbursts on my part that I no longer wish to live through. Now appendectomyâs are pretty simple so I recovered quickly (it donât rupture we just took it out). But during the time I was scheduled to be under anesthesia, stepdad reaches out to wife to have a chat and clear the air. Wife waits until I come to so i can be there and I hear the conversation. He claims to be here as a middleman like a business meeting to fix things once and for all. Wife and I are like wow great. He then proceeds to double down on my moms behalf that they will not be apologizing or meet any of her demands as she had already apologized as confirmed by 90yo grandma who was in the car and my mother herself. The term he used was stalemate to describe the situation. Wife and I are shocked but she has me keep quiet to show me what he will say. He proceeds to yell at her and they were screaming at each other, again steamrolling the conversation assuring us that he was down the middle yet maintains that mom has made a sufficient apology that needs to be accepted and wife needs to grow up and move on, then wishing her luck with the baby and a nice life. Next day I call stepdad to see how it went. He reassures me that he has done all he can and everything is back to normal. At this point I call him out and tell him I was conscious and explain to him what an apology is. But there is no dialogue with this guy like there is no dialogue with my mother. He proceeds to talk loudly over me like she does and basically call me a piece of shit for the amount he and mother have done for me. I speak to him first time like I never have before by calling him a hands off father and a pussy of a man who finally reaches out while he thinks I am under anesthesia to yell at my wife then pretend itâs cool, and I basically tell him he has never done a single thing for me to try and develop me into a man or nurture me as a child into an adult, but he thinks taking me on fishing trips and ski vacations are equivalent to love and nurturing growth and development just like my mom does. I reassure him that he has no right to talk about family being that he ruined his own as well as mine and couldnât even tell my dad to his face that it was him who was sleeping with my mom behind his back when my dad came to him very upset as a friend when he got an anonymous phone tip at work one day. Then him and my mom laughed about it in court when my dad brought it up during the divorce. We ended with swearing and I felt very happy for finally giving my true feelings to him.
The birth: Months go by and nobody has said a thing. I canât sleep at night seeing how much love I am getting from my father and his side for the baby, and my wifeâs family, then thinking about how my own mother hasnât reached out a single time. Iâm dreaming about beating up my stepdad and itâs driving me mad. So weeks before the due date I reach out to my mom begging her to clear things up and apologize to my wife. Nothing. A week later i tell her how disappointed and abandoned I feel and want her in the family. Nothing. Baby comes a couple days early. Everyone is excited. Mom texts me begging for photos and to let everyone know. I tell her my brother and two stepsisters have received photos. I ask her to please reach out to wife she still needs to make amends for whatâs happened between them and all she needs to do is reach out. Momâs responses have been defensive, derisive, projecting, playing victim and referring to herself as a kicked puppy. Telling me my wife needs to apologize to her and making the conversation about mother son instead. She is beating around the bush. And she is sending me photos of my own baby that I did not send her. Her friends are congratulating me that I did not tell. Again she is pretending that everything is ok and it is not. She asked me to apologize to her husband for what I said on the phone that day. I said ok, watch this. So I sent the guy a message that was very apologetic and not passive aggressive or backhanded comments in any way. Still my mom wonât say anything.
Now: Baby is 6 days old. He is the best thing in my life and I wish my family were involved but it seems like I am living in a fantasy world where everyone can be happy together. I can be a jerk and have a terrible relationship with my mom, but I want more than anything to just feel loved enough where she can swallow her pride and make amends with my wife. Thats it. And she asked the other day to put a family group chat so everyone can be involved⊠for real? I know she is stressed with a high pressure job, but it seems heartless to me. She asks what big items she can get for the baby. Mom, baby is here we have everything for a couple months already. I said the biggest thing you can do is reach out and have a heart to heart with my wife so this rift can end and we can at least be cordial if you two canât get along. I donât think it will happen.
submitted by InstructionUnique722 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Little history: I probably introduced them too quickly. My grandmother was in town in south Florida about to move here from Illinois for a retirement community. My wife, girlfriend at the time, came with cookies or some form of baked goods like she usually does when visiting someone as a sign of affection and respect. Where it went wrong from here I have no idea. I suppose the initial crack was when wife scheduled a skitrip for her and I to have as a 1 year of dating anniversary present. We are not rich, this is a huge gift that made sense to her since I refused to let her pay rent. Our combines salaries are barely over 120k. So wife calls mom 6 months in advance because she is a planner for the sole purpose of asking my mom to watch one of our four dogs. Wife has already paid in full for the trip. Yet Mom decides it is a great idea to instead use the opportunity to hop on and take a family trip because it is the last time the family will have for a family vacation - I am the oldest of two boys and two stepsisters, my mom married the guy she left my father for who has twin girls of his own that were in the womb during the infidelity. Anyway mom completely takes over and decides to make our one year gift a family vacation, so she books tickets for a hotel nearby. Wife is bold but at the time not bold enough to stop my mom in her tracks for overstepping a boundary. At this time she still respected my mother and kind of let herself get steamrolled.
Probably skippable Family history: Now I have always had issues with my mother, resentment for leaving my father for my stepdad behind my own fathers back and constantly trying to keep brother and I from seeing âDisneyland dad who doesnât do any of the work but gets all the fun.â my mother was very strict growing up, always bringing us to church and making my father feel guilty for not bringing brother and I on his weekend. So mom marries stepdad age 11, divorces him around 13 after asking me advice for her relationship and i encourage her to move out. Then remarries him and moves us back into his house age 15. Here I begin rebellion and normal teeenager stuff but stepdad wonât butt in because he isnât my âbiological fatherâ so would have my mom intervene brother and i from behind the scenes. For example, I am young and messing around on the piano because music is important and I never had any formal training and mom comes in to tell me stepdad âwants to know when the concert is going to end because it is a little annoying.â Anyway, they have me prescribed adderall at 16 and in the parking lot holding my first prescription I am told that they would like me to move out and in with my father, who had chased us every time mom and stepdad moved several miles away (5 moves from age 5-15 all in one county). Anyway, brother and I are recovering alcoholics with (my) slipups triggered from interactions or visiting my mom, which mom claims is genetics from my father alone and has nothing to do with her. Maternal grandfather, mother, and I have some nasty temper problems which certainly are exacerbated by drinking (at least mine and moms).
Skitrip revelations: Wife and I are on the way to brothers graduation in Chicago, and wife has yet to reveal to me that my mother has taken over her massive investment of a couples ski vacation and it will now be a family vacation for mom, stepdad, brother, two stepsisters who are all getting out of gradschool. On the way to the airport I am told the news by future wife of my one year surprise. So I get upset and call my mom to call it off. She obliges my request and now holds resentment against me and now wife for âruining her last family vacation.â Fine, whatever. Mother never says a word about it for months until we are out for a distant family members birthday dinner and at a table of about 8-10 people that are having a group conversation and gets real close to my wifeâs ear and tells her privately along the lines of âyou deprived our family of our last family vacation.â During this time my wife is frantically tapping my leg under the table because my mom can get a little aggressive. My mom saw this and later (privately to me) mocked her for doing it to my leg under the table.
Christmas blessings: Closer to Christmas maybe 2/3 weeks later we went to go see my mom and my mom had a couple drinks in her (not an alcoholic like brother and I just very sensitive to a couple glasses of wine and occasionally some hidden sips of wine or something) and invites my wife to Christmas church and out to dinner after because the family needs photos for a Christmas card and future wife âwill be the photographer for it.â Now this can easily be a nothing comment but given the way my mom had been making future wife feel, it was taken as an insult. So wife declined church and showed up to family dinner just in time for photography session to be over.
The distance: Then mom moves to a fancy house up the coast and invites us up to visit. At first it is ok to bring the 4 dogs then the day before she says they will not have dogs at the house and we can easily find a sitter. 2 Dogs donât get along, they need to be separated always as there has been two attacks on one from the other, so we canât trust someone to come to the house and keep them separate and we wonât board 4 dogs itâs too expensive for us. Anyway we go back and forth being invited with the dogs then they retract the offer and say pick one dog to bring and leave the others and itâs just annoying, so we say forget it and donât go. But my brother becomes engaged and decides to throw his engagement party at my momâs new place near the beach. Great. First all the dogs are welcome, then day before they say it is too chaotic and she will pay for a small hotel room for one night for future wife and her dogs and my one (the attack dog) can stay in a crate at the house with me but I may not leave the dog to stay with her. And no reasonable cheap hotel in the area is going to accommodate 4 dogs. Anyway wife is stressed but feels obligated to come because I am the best man and I stay at the house while she checks her dogs into the hotel. Wife had made a cheesecake and brought it up in a separate car from me, 4 hour drive by the way, and night of.. my mom says no desserts for engagement party dinner, the dessert is themed or some crazy stuff. Wife shows up to dinner a little later and very flustered because of the situation plus I had relapsed on a bottle of whiskey a couple days prior to seeing my mom. Related, I donât know. Anyway. Mom has had a couple drinks and future wife and I are talking about having children and religion comes up. Mom asks what we were thinking of doing about baptism or not and I jokingly said (guiltily to get on my moms nerves a bit) that he would have a bris and would love it if she would come to the bar mitzvah. now my wifeâs mom was forced to convert from Catholicism to Judaism for her own mother in laws acceptance for a failed marriage so wife is not religious, but it hurt my wife and reasonably so when my mom replied âoh, son, I raised you better than that.â Still no acknowlegement of fault from that comment and mom thinks wife is âoverly sensitive, dramatic, and childishâ for wanting an apology for it.
Weddings: Future wife becomes current wife. We had gotten engaged on our next anniversary trip she planned for us. I proposed on our bike and barge through tulip season in holland with our feet in the water of the North Sea after a picnic in the dunes. her family business manufactures photo albums for professional photographers, so aside from our families all being divorced, estranged, difficult, and us trying to save money, we did not have a wedding, we just did the paperwork within a month of the proposal. I had already decided to have a baby with her before the trip so we were trying. 2 weeks before brothers wedding in Tennessee we become pregnant, so we break news immediately as to not steal limelight from brothers expensive wedding. Mom says she will cover cost of rental car so we can save money. Ok great. She books the tiny car and we pack it and head up the Smokey mountains to the cabins we are staying at. Two cabins for grooms family, one for his mother and one for his father, ten paces from each other: they havnt spoken but twice im since divorce in 1995 but through lawyers. Grandmother, mother, stepdad, 2 stepsisters and one boyfriend stayed in momâs side. Wife and I stay at fatherâs side cabin with just his wife. His Wifeâs 3 daughters and familyâs stayed a town away down the mountain among extended family. Anyway, beautiful wedding takes place. My wife is sent into town to collect flowers and run errands for my mom which she happily obliged to since she is a solitary person and did not want wedding day drama. Day after, we are loading our rental sedan with our bags. Mom and grandma need a ride to the airport and our flight is before theirs so they will drop off the car for us 4 hours or so after we go to the airport 5 hours from current time. Weâre loading the car. Stepcousin passed out in motherâs cabin night before and needed a ride. Disorganized brunch for 20 people is trying to be made. Fatherâs wifeâs daughter books a reservation for 10 people which include her family, her sisters, me, my wife, dad, and their mom. My stepdad had left for home at this point as he had taken his own suv instead of flying with my mom and 90 year old grandma. So mom is trying to pack grandma in the car with bags and my wife and stepcousin. At this point mother asks stepmother if she and grandma are on reservation for the brunch. Stepmom says no they are not, she wasnât sure of their plans. Mom says under her breath âfucking assholes, so typical,â and she goes into a bit of a rage to which my stepmom says here âitâs ok I will call and add you two itâs no big deal.â So we continue packing the car and realize we wonât all fit. So my wife tells my stepcousin to go ride with my father to the restaurant 10 minutes away we will meet you there. Mom says to wife, âno you go with the father.â Wife says âno I am going to ride with my husbandâ mom gets close to her face with her finger and says âthis is my car, you can fucking Uber!â Wife is 6 weeks pregnant at this point and it all escalated from here. wife and mother start yelling at each other swearing at each other and we get into the car, mom behind wife who was in shotgun. 2 occasions on the trip I had to stop the car because mom had taken off her seatbelt to stand over the seat and scream in my wifeâs face with so much vigor that spit came on to her face multiple times. Iâm trying to tell them both to behave and mom sit down shut the f up. Mom is telling wife to get the f out of the car and find a ride, she has no right to speak because sheâs ânew hereâ (dating and living together for 3 years at this point). The following brunch she apologized in a crowd with a hushed voice at a table of 20 people trying to have a group conversation again privately to my wife âIâm sorry you get so upsetâ and my wife told her âthat is not an apology.â The following several hours in the car with grandma and stepcousin and wife were some of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. At a gas station I pulled my mom aside and said I need ther to give a huge apology, that it was so nasty and inappropriate, my brother and I are used to abusive language and aggressive behavior but to my pregnant wife and any other human being it is disgusting and unacceptable. Sitting in the car was quiet for many hours until we got to the airport. No speaking about what happened just mom happy go lucky about Tennessee and Dollywood and wife and I in shock, cousin still half in the bag from a fun wedding, grandma 90 years old probably confused about what happened.
The family groupchat: Im waiting on an apology from my mother to my wife who is extremely hurt and expressed to my mom loads of time she needs to reach out and apologize. Weâre not talking until she will do so. It is bugging me and keeping me up at night. My appendix flares up and I am admitted to the hospital with emergency appendectomy. Still pregnant Wife suggests I reach out to mom to let her know whatâs going on. So I text mom Iâm at the hospital and will have surgery. I send a pic or something that on my end says hasnât gone through. Mom group texts our family group with stepdad, his daughters, brother and his wife, and grandma that I am in the hospital and attaches the pic I sent of me in there. Then she continues to rave about the success of her startup company and how they got FDA approved clinical trials finally completed or some pivotal moment that made the text about her. Wife and I are in a hospital so the picture comes up on moms end as unable to have been sent. Mom assumes that my wife has blocked her phone, so mom removes my wife from the chat. Wife is rushing home to take care of the dogs at this point and is not alerted on her phone, but on everyone elseâs phone it clearly reads â(mom) has removed (wife) from the chat.â Immediately I text my mom and basically say how dare you do that to her she is the one who insisted I let you know out of respect and mom responds with blah blah she did this she did that I will not have it. So I go back to the family chat and remove mother. At this point I let everyone in the chat know what my mother has done and how she refuses to take responsibility for how she made my wife feel, address her feelings, apologize or do anything at all to reach out about the wedding incident or even inquire about the wellbeing of the pregnancy for her first grandchild. Stepdad finally steps in and tells me âenough.â Grandma says âshame on you.â I am dumbfounded. This is a hush hush family that hates to have anything out in the open and likes to maintain a picture perfect image. For examples; 1) I and wife were on the family Christmas card of a photo taken at the wedding that the whole world received except for wife and I. 2)brothers alcoholism was to remain hidden from the family as was his rehab treatment and how it affected his career. Now understand that they like to keep things quiet but that is not how I want to handle my problems, these things trigger alcohol use and violent outbursts on my part that I no longer wish to live through. Now appendectomyâs are pretty simple so I recovered quickly (it donât rupture we just took it out). But during the time I was scheduled to be under anesthesia, stepdad reaches out to wife to have a chat and clear the air. Wife waits until I come to so i can be there and I hear the conversation. He claims to be here as a middleman like a business meeting to fix things once and for all. Wife and I are like wow great. He then proceeds to double down on my moms behalf that they will not be apologizing or meet any of her demands as she had already apologized as confirmed by 90yo grandma who was in the car and my mother herself. The term he used was stalemate to describe the situation. Wife and I are shocked but she has me keep quiet to show me what he will say. He proceeds to yell at her and they were screaming at each other, again steamrolling the conversation assuring us that he was down the middle yet maintains that mom has made a sufficient apology that needs to be accepted and wife needs to grow up and move on, then wishing her luck with the baby and a nice life. Next day I call stepdad to see how it went. He reassures me that he has done all he can and everything is back to normal. At this point I call him out and tell him I was conscious and explain to him what an apology is. But there is no dialogue with this guy like there is no dialogue with my mother. He proceeds to talk loudly over me like she does and basically call me a piece of shit for the amount he and mother have done for me. I speak to him first time like I never have before by calling him a hands off father and a pussy of a man who finally reaches out while he thinks I am under anesthesia to yell at my wife then pretend itâs cool, and I basically tell him he has never done a single thing for me to try and develop me into a man or nurture me as a child into an adult, but he thinks taking me on fishing trips and ski vacations are equivalent to love and nurturing growth and development just like my mom does. I reassure him that he has no right to talk about family being that he ruined his own as well as mine and couldnât even tell my dad to his face that it was him who was sleeping with my mom behind his back when my dad came to him very upset as a friend when he got an anonymous phone tip at work one day. Then him and my mom laughed about it in court when my dad brought it up during the divorce. We ended with swearing and I felt very happy for finally giving my true feelings to him.
The birth: Months go by and nobody has said a thing. I canât sleep at night seeing how much love I am getting from my father and his side for the baby, and my wifeâs family, then thinking about how my own mother hasnât reached out a single time. Iâm dreaming about beating up my stepdad and itâs driving me mad. So weeks before the due date I reach out to my mom begging her to clear things up and apologize to my wife. Nothing. A week later i tell her how disappointed and abandoned I feel and want her in the family. Nothing. Baby comes a couple days early. Everyone is excited. Mom texts me begging for photos and to let everyone know. I tell her my brother and two stepsisters have received photos. I ask her to please reach out to wife she still needs to make amends for whatâs happened between them and all she needs to do is reach out. Momâs responses have been defensive, derisive, projecting, playing victim and referring to herself as a kicked puppy. Telling me my wife needs to apologize to her and making the conversation about mother son instead. She is beating around the bush. And she is sending me photos of my own baby that I did not send her. Her friends are congratulating me that I did not tell. Again she is pretending that everything is ok and it is not. She asked me to apologize to her husband for what I said on the phone that day. I said ok, watch this. So I sent the guy a message that was very apologetic and not passive aggressive or backhanded comments in any way. Still my mom wonât say anything.
Now: Baby is 6 days old. He is the best thing in my life and I wish my family were involved but it seems like I am living in a fantasy world where everyone can be happy together. I can be a jerk and have a terrible relationship with my mom, but I want more than anything to just feel loved enough where she can swallow her pride and make amends with my wife. Thats it. And she asked the other day to put a family group chat so everyone can be involved⊠for real? I know she is stressed with a high pressure job, but it seems heartless to me. She asks what big items she can get for the baby. Mom, baby is here we have everything for a couple months already. I said the biggest thing you can do is reach out and have a heart to heart with my wife so this rift can end and we can at least be cordial if you two canât get along. I donât think it will happen.
2024.05.15 18:47 Shot-Walrus2788 My husband 25/m cheated on me 23/f with his old high school teacher and continues to talk to him. What should I do?
First off I am a bad writer so I apologize. My husband has a weird obsession with his high school teacher. He is a 25 M and I am a 23 F . We are a transgender couple and both identify as the opposite gender we were assigned at birth. Meaning he is female to male and I am male to female . And slept with him in the past before I knew my husband. I knew this going into the relationship. But they hadnât talked and a while and he was so loving and caring that I overlooked it and didnât affect us at all other than he talked about him all the time at first. A few months back he started to talk to him again. Which bothered me some because my husband is obsessed with him and they have slept together before . I have met and never trusted this teacher. My husband even introduced us one time and the teacher pressured me to drink and got me and my husband drunk and lured him to his bedroom. He got on top on my husband and made advancements on him. I was drunk and angry and ended up hitting him in the face and we left. My husband continued to talk to him through calls and text after that night even when I asked him to stop . Well I was suspicious and read their text messages one morning. And what I saw shattered my heart . My husband offered to sleep with his old teacher . Not just that but offered me up to him to join them in like a threesome since the teacher also finds me really attractive and has made sexual comments about my body many times. And calls me hot all the time apparently. I confronted my husband about it and he tried to make up lies and excuses for it but he knew he was caught red handed. I almost left him but couldnât bring myself to do it . I figured it wasnât physical cheating so I should just give him another chance . Especially since heâs never done anything like this before. I also feel like I should mention that my husband is diagnosed with an obsession disorder. I donât know if that excuses the actions or not . So I begged him to stop talking to him to and he refused to stop saying he canât make himself do it because of his mental illness. But whatâs worse is that when I got depressed from it and just wanted to sleep a lot after I found the messages for like a month . He got mad at me for being super depressed and just wanting to sleep and I told him why I was sad . And we talked about it few times . And on two different occasions he looked me in the eyes and told me he loves both of us!! I donât like that I have to share my husbandâs heart with someone else! Also o should also mention that the teacher has charges against him for grooming and trying to sleep with one of his stu who are underage and is currently doing court stuff with that!! My husband later said he didnât mean any of it and that at the time he was just mentally sick . The teacher moved away due to the charges to get away from the town but my husband still talks to him through calls and texts even after begging him to stop. I donât know if I should leave him for not respecting me or my marriage? What do yall think I should do?
submitted by Shot-Walrus2788 to Advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 18:37 Bubbly_Poetess09 Age Gaps with Older F/Young M
Hey siblings! I met a guy a few months ago at church who is so respectful, kind, and servant hearted. The only problem is, I found out that I am 11 years older (33F/almost 22M). I am trying to slowly test the waters with him and we had a great conversation on Sunday. I kind of purposefully did an "accidental" touch while we were standing side by side (I accidently touched his elbow with mine, and after removing it.. I moved it back just to see if he'd pull away... he didn't but I only let it happen for about 5 seconds). After, I gave him my number, but he's not the kind of person who uses his phone or social media a lot... and he hasn't texted me. It seems that he's curious about me, and I'm not sure if he knows how large the age gap is. I'm not even sure if he's ever dated before, and I have only been on one date (I'm a late bloomer).
I know the age gap seems weird, but he really is very well respected within our church community (and I go to a very large church). I wouldn't be against dating someone younger if they have a mature relationship with Christ and serve the Body. I just don't know if the gap will be too weird for him.
submitted by Bubbly_Poetess09 to ChristianDating [link] [comments]
I know the age gap seems weird, but he really is very well respected within our church community (and I go to a very large church). I wouldn't be against dating someone younger if they have a mature relationship with Christ and serve the Body. I just don't know if the gap will be too weird for him.
2024.05.15 18:33 thesecondwhy I (28F) have a boyfriend (25M) of 4.5 years but realized sexual feelings for someone I just met (34M) that I never have to see again. What's going on and what do I do?
BACKGROUND INFO: My BF and I have been together monogamously for 4.5 years - I have never slept or been with anyone else, though I've fooled around - and we have been struggling with arguments & aggression. We have sex like once a month, if that. We broke up this past summer but kept texting back and forth, and this past fall regrouped and tried to be in a relationship again. My BF is the best person I've ever met and I love him very much, but we didn't accomplish our goals when getting back together and the fighting became worse. We may separate again.
STORY: About 2 weeks ago my BF and I met this guy at a family friend event. He approached me first and we chatted, and then my BF came and we all chatted. I didn't initially find him attractive and thought he dressed similar to people that I felt rejected by growing up. Among other info, he told us he was in a long distance relationship (I sensed some pain there, since he said he preferred it being long distance ?) and we later learned it had been for 3 years. He invited us to hang out with 2 other guys after the event and we all had a really great time. I spent more time with the guy than my BF (my BF was very drunk and loves to meet new people and socialize) and I was constantly laughing. I didn't *actually* realize until the train ride home that I was feeling some pretty heavy attraction bs. I didn't think I was "that kind of person" in the sense that 1. I'd have these sort of feelings while in a relationship with someone I love and 2. about someone like this (see below)
I liked things about him that were different than my BF: he's taller, has darker and thicker hair (like me), he's older, didn't seem to take himself as seriously, he's American (like me), he really liked my hometown which caught me up, so to speak (my BF doesn't), has a different career, grew up with many siblings (my BF is an only child), smokes weed like a few times a year, similar religious upbringing to me, comfort-oriented, etc. His friends said he was a really good athlete back in the day - I have never been or dated an athlete, I was an art school / theater person. And I'm sure others would say he's conventionally attractive. He seems really "normal / jock," he works with houses / real estate (?) but I feel like an outcast and I've always liked outcasts. During the family friend event, he told me a story about him cutting his and his siblings hair and I genuinely laughed a lot. Shortly after he told the story, I was looking at his face and I was just thinking.. huh.
At one point when we were alone together after the event he reeeally unexpectedly to me started singing some song, I gawked a little and my heart did something small. He saw my expression and chuckled. My BF is not musical and cringes at others singing - I can't sing when I'm around him (and I grew up musical). I also really dislike when people you just meet ask you what music you listen to, but when he asked me what I like to listen to it didn't bother me at all.
He asked me to squeeze in next to him to make room at one point, and I declined and said my BF could sit on my lap instead because I at least knew that I thought he was attractive. And he was looking at me a few times when he probably thought I didn't notice. But at some point when we were alone and laughing, he put his hand right around my wrist and like touch my shoulder or something a couple times. He did some other quirky things, too ex: I tried to record a video of my BF on my phone and he jumped into it, which really wasn't necessary lol. His friend come up to the two of us trying to give advice about parenting and said "You know, when you guys have kids -" and the guy jokingly said "When [my name] and I have kids together?" and I tried not to laugh. Later near a bar he beckoned me over, we spoke and then looked at me to try to initiate a link-arm-drink with me and I did it but we were just looking at each other and I just felt like.. I don't know man. He highly complimented me on a skill I had and he'd been really supportive the whole time. He also admired how I could hang out with a bunch of (random) guys with my BF - like not needing to only do date-dates with my BF. He asked my BF and I if we wanted to hangout longer and I wanted to, but it was late and my BF and I ultimately thought it was easier to go back home instead. Then, while I was with my BF he only asked for my BF's number, which felt appropriate. We hugged formally, left and on the train ride home my BF fell asleep and feelings hit me like a brick.
ONE WEEK LATER: I'd been trying to process this and how I'd misjudged myself (I also listened to every single song in my library like hours of music and I hadn't done that in years) - I spoke to my boyfriend about having sexual feelings for this guy. My BF is trying to handle the information, so I have yet to tell him other parts yet ex: me experiencing continued fantasies of - if my BF wanted to - having sex with both of them, or my BF just allowing me to have sex with that guy. I intensely want to smoke weed with him (which I also haven't done in years) and have sex with him.
I feel guilty, but I keep "uncontrollably" picturing him when I'm hanging out with my boyfriend. I have an urge to ask this guy if he's in an open relationship and sleep with him before I leave the city - my BF and I are moving away, potentially to separate locations. But I really don't know if I'd gain anything life changing from it. (P.S. I never gave any indication that my BF and I were having issues.)
What do you think? + What is happening to me, and what do I do?
TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been having relationship issues and talk about breaking up. We have sex once a month if that. We met this guy one time at an event recently in a troubled (?) long distance relationship, and I think we both know we find each other attractive. I started having sexual feelings for him & fantasies that I've wanted to act on even though I love my boyfriend and still don't exactly want to leave him. I'm leaving the area soon I don't know what my next course of action is, what is happening to me, and if the feelings should be acted upon.
Thank you very much!
submitted by thesecondwhy to relationships [link] [comments]
STORY: About 2 weeks ago my BF and I met this guy at a family friend event. He approached me first and we chatted, and then my BF came and we all chatted. I didn't initially find him attractive and thought he dressed similar to people that I felt rejected by growing up. Among other info, he told us he was in a long distance relationship (I sensed some pain there, since he said he preferred it being long distance ?) and we later learned it had been for 3 years. He invited us to hang out with 2 other guys after the event and we all had a really great time. I spent more time with the guy than my BF (my BF was very drunk and loves to meet new people and socialize) and I was constantly laughing. I didn't *actually* realize until the train ride home that I was feeling some pretty heavy attraction bs. I didn't think I was "that kind of person" in the sense that 1. I'd have these sort of feelings while in a relationship with someone I love and 2. about someone like this (see below)
I liked things about him that were different than my BF: he's taller, has darker and thicker hair (like me), he's older, didn't seem to take himself as seriously, he's American (like me), he really liked my hometown which caught me up, so to speak (my BF doesn't), has a different career, grew up with many siblings (my BF is an only child), smokes weed like a few times a year, similar religious upbringing to me, comfort-oriented, etc. His friends said he was a really good athlete back in the day - I have never been or dated an athlete, I was an art school / theater person. And I'm sure others would say he's conventionally attractive. He seems really "normal / jock," he works with houses / real estate (?) but I feel like an outcast and I've always liked outcasts. During the family friend event, he told me a story about him cutting his and his siblings hair and I genuinely laughed a lot. Shortly after he told the story, I was looking at his face and I was just thinking.. huh.
At one point when we were alone together after the event he reeeally unexpectedly to me started singing some song, I gawked a little and my heart did something small. He saw my expression and chuckled. My BF is not musical and cringes at others singing - I can't sing when I'm around him (and I grew up musical). I also really dislike when people you just meet ask you what music you listen to, but when he asked me what I like to listen to it didn't bother me at all.
He asked me to squeeze in next to him to make room at one point, and I declined and said my BF could sit on my lap instead because I at least knew that I thought he was attractive. And he was looking at me a few times when he probably thought I didn't notice. But at some point when we were alone and laughing, he put his hand right around my wrist and like touch my shoulder or something a couple times. He did some other quirky things, too ex: I tried to record a video of my BF on my phone and he jumped into it, which really wasn't necessary lol. His friend come up to the two of us trying to give advice about parenting and said "You know, when you guys have kids -" and the guy jokingly said "When [my name] and I have kids together?" and I tried not to laugh. Later near a bar he beckoned me over, we spoke and then looked at me to try to initiate a link-arm-drink with me and I did it but we were just looking at each other and I just felt like.. I don't know man. He highly complimented me on a skill I had and he'd been really supportive the whole time. He also admired how I could hang out with a bunch of (random) guys with my BF - like not needing to only do date-dates with my BF. He asked my BF and I if we wanted to hangout longer and I wanted to, but it was late and my BF and I ultimately thought it was easier to go back home instead. Then, while I was with my BF he only asked for my BF's number, which felt appropriate. We hugged formally, left and on the train ride home my BF fell asleep and feelings hit me like a brick.
ONE WEEK LATER: I'd been trying to process this and how I'd misjudged myself (I also listened to every single song in my library like hours of music and I hadn't done that in years) - I spoke to my boyfriend about having sexual feelings for this guy. My BF is trying to handle the information, so I have yet to tell him other parts yet ex: me experiencing continued fantasies of - if my BF wanted to - having sex with both of them, or my BF just allowing me to have sex with that guy. I intensely want to smoke weed with him (which I also haven't done in years) and have sex with him.
I feel guilty, but I keep "uncontrollably" picturing him when I'm hanging out with my boyfriend. I have an urge to ask this guy if he's in an open relationship and sleep with him before I leave the city - my BF and I are moving away, potentially to separate locations. But I really don't know if I'd gain anything life changing from it. (P.S. I never gave any indication that my BF and I were having issues.)
What do you think? + What is happening to me, and what do I do?
TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been having relationship issues and talk about breaking up. We have sex once a month if that. We met this guy one time at an event recently in a troubled (?) long distance relationship, and I think we both know we find each other attractive. I started having sexual feelings for him & fantasies that I've wanted to act on even though I love my boyfriend and still don't exactly want to leave him. I'm leaving the area soon I don't know what my next course of action is, what is happening to me, and if the feelings should be acted upon.
Thank you very much!
2024.05.15 18:30 Shot-Walrus2788 My husband cheated on me with his old high school teacher and continues to talk to him
First off I am a bad writer so I apologize. My husband has a weird obsession with his high school teacher. He is a 25 M and I am a 23 F . We are a transgender couple and both identify as the opposite gender we were assigned at birth. Meaning he is female to male and I am male to female . And slept with him in the past before I knew my husband. I knew this going into the relationship. But they hadnât talked and a while and he was so loving and caring that I overlooked it and didnât affect us at all other than he talked about him all the time at first. A few months back he started to talk to him again. Which bothered me some because my husband is obsessed with him and they have slept together before . I have met and never trusted this teacher. My husband even introduced us one time and the teacher pressured me to drink and got me and my husband drunk and lured him to his bedroom. He got on top on my husband and made advancements on him. I was drunk and angry and ended up hitting him in the face and we left. My husband continued to talk to him through calls and text after that night even when I asked him to stop . Well I was suspicious and read their text messages one morning. And what I saw shattered my heart . My husband offered to sleep with his old teacher . Not just that but offered me up to him to join them in like a threesome since the teacher also finds me really attractive and has made sexual comments about my body many times. And calls me hot all the time apparently. I confronted my husband about it and he tried to make up lies and excuses for it but he knew he was caught red handed. I almost left him but couldnât bring myself to do it . I figured it wasnât physical cheating so I should just give him another chance . Especially since heâs never done anything like this before. I also feel like I should mention that my husband is diagnosed with an obsession disorder. I donât know if that excuses the actions or not . So I begged him to stop talking to him to and he refused to stop saying he canât make himself do it because of his mental illness. But whatâs worse is that when I got depressed from it and just wanted to sleep a lot after I found the messages for like a month . He got mad at me for being super depressed and just wanting to sleep and I told him why I was sad . And we talked about it few times . And on two different occasions he looked me in the eyes and told me he loves both of us!! I donât like that I have to share my husbandâs heart with someone else! Also o should also mention that the teacher has charges against him for grooming and trying to sleep with one of his stu who are underage and is currently doing court stuff with that!! My husband later said he didnât mean any of it and that at the time he was just mentally sick . The teacher moved away due to the charges to get away from the town but my husband still talks to him through calls and texts even after begging him to stop. I donât know if I should leave him for not respecting me or my marriage? What do yall think I should do?
submitted by Shot-Walrus2788 to Marriage [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 18:29 thesecondwhy I (28F) have a boyfriend (25M) of 4.5 years but realized sexual feelings for someone I just met (34M) that I never have to see again. What's going on and what do I do?
BACKGROUND INFO: My BF and I have been together monogamously for 4.5 years - I have never slept or been with anyone else, though I've fooled around - and we have been struggling with arguments & aggression. We have sex like once a month, if that. We broke up this past summer but kept texting back and forth, and this past fall regrouped and tried to be in a relationship again. My BF is the best person I've ever met and I love him very much, but we didn't accomplish our goals when getting back together and the fighting became worse. We may separate again.
STORY: About 2 weeks ago my BF and I met this guy at a family friend event. He approached me first and we chatted, and then my BF came and we all chatted. I didn't initially find him attractive and thought he dressed similar to people that I felt rejected by growing up. Among other info, he told us he was in a long distance relationship (I sensed some pain there, since he said he preferred it being long distance ?) and we later learned it had been for 3 years. He invited us to hang out with 2 other guys after the event and we all had a really great time. I spent more time with the guy than my BF (my BF was very drunk and loves to meet new people and socialize) and I was constantly laughing. I didn't *actually* realize until the train ride home that I was feeling some pretty heavy attraction bs. I didn't think I was "that kind of person" in the sense that 1. I'd have these sort of feelings while in a relationship with someone I love and 2. about someone like this (see below)
I liked things about him that were different than my BF: he's taller, has darker and thicker hair (like me), he's older, didn't seem to take himself as seriously, he's American (like me), he really liked my hometown which caught me up, so to speak (my BF doesn't), has a different career, grew up with many siblings (my BF is an only child), smokes weed like a few times a year, similar religious upbringing to me, comfort-oriented, etc. His friends said he was a really good athlete back in the day - I have never been or dated an athlete, I was an art school / theater person. And I'm sure others would say he's conventionally attractive. He seems really "normal / jock," he works with houses / real estate (?) but I feel like an outcast and I've always liked outcasts. During the family friend event, he told me a story about him cutting his and his siblings hair and I genuinely laughed a lot. Shortly after he told the story, I was looking at his face and I was just thinking.. huh.
At one point when we were alone together after the event he reeeally unexpectedly to me started singing some song, I gawked a little and my heart did something small. He saw my expression and chuckled. My BF is not musical and cringes at others singing - I can't sing when I'm around him (and I grew up musical). I also really dislike when people you just meet ask you what music you listen to, but when he asked me what I like to listen to it didn't bother me at all.
He asked me to squeeze in next to him to make room at one point, and I declined and said my BF could sit on my lap instead because I at least knew that I thought he was attractive. And he was looking at me a few times when he probably thought I didn't notice. But at some point when we were alone and laughing, he put his hand right around my wrist and like touch my shoulder or something a couple times. He did some other quirky things, too ex: I tried to record a video of my BF on my phone and he jumped into it, which really wasn't necessary lol. His friend come up to the two of us trying to give advice about parenting and said "You know, when you guys have kids -" and the guy jokingly said "When [my name] and I have kids together?" and I tried not to laugh. Later near a bar he beckoned me over, we spoke and then looked at me to try to initiate a link-arm-drink with me and I did it but we were just looking at each other and I just felt like.. I don't know man. He highly complimented me on a skill I had and he'd been really supportive the whole time. He also admired how I could hang out with a bunch of (random) guys with my BF - like not needing to only do date-dates with my BF. He asked my BF and I if we wanted to hangout longer and I wanted to, but it was late and my BF and I ultimately thought it was easier to go back home instead. Then, while I was with my BF he only asked for my BF's number, which felt appropriate. We hugged formally, left and on the train ride home my BF fell asleep and feelings hit me like a brick.
ONE WEEK LATER: I'd been trying to process this and how I'd misjudged myself (I also listened to every single song in my library like hours of music and I hadn't done that in years) - I spoke to my boyfriend about having sexual feelings for this guy. My BF is trying to handle the information, so I have yet to tell him other parts yet ex: me experiencing continued fantasies of - if my BF wanted to - having sex with both of them, or my BF just allowing me to have sex with that guy. I intensely want to smoke weed with him (which I also haven't done in years) and have sex with him.
I feel guilty, but I keep "uncontrollably" picturing him when I'm hanging out with my boyfriend. I have an urge to ask this guy if he's in an open relationship and sleep with him before I leave the city - my BF and I are moving away, potentially to separate locations. But I really don't know if I'd gain anything life changing from it. (P.S. I never gave any indication that my BF and I were having issues.)
What do you think? + What is happening to me, and what do I do?
TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been having relationship issues and talk about breaking up. We have sex once a month if that. We met this guy one time at an event recently in a troubled (?) long distance relationship, and I think we both know we find each other attractive. I started having sexual feelings for him & fantasies that I've wanted to act on even though I love my boyfriend and still don't exactly want to leave him. I'm leaving the area soon I don't know what my next course of action is, what is happening to me, and if the feelings should be acted upon.
Thank you very much!
submitted by thesecondwhy to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
STORY: About 2 weeks ago my BF and I met this guy at a family friend event. He approached me first and we chatted, and then my BF came and we all chatted. I didn't initially find him attractive and thought he dressed similar to people that I felt rejected by growing up. Among other info, he told us he was in a long distance relationship (I sensed some pain there, since he said he preferred it being long distance ?) and we later learned it had been for 3 years. He invited us to hang out with 2 other guys after the event and we all had a really great time. I spent more time with the guy than my BF (my BF was very drunk and loves to meet new people and socialize) and I was constantly laughing. I didn't *actually* realize until the train ride home that I was feeling some pretty heavy attraction bs. I didn't think I was "that kind of person" in the sense that 1. I'd have these sort of feelings while in a relationship with someone I love and 2. about someone like this (see below)
I liked things about him that were different than my BF: he's taller, has darker and thicker hair (like me), he's older, didn't seem to take himself as seriously, he's American (like me), he really liked my hometown which caught me up, so to speak (my BF doesn't), has a different career, grew up with many siblings (my BF is an only child), smokes weed like a few times a year, similar religious upbringing to me, comfort-oriented, etc. His friends said he was a really good athlete back in the day - I have never been or dated an athlete, I was an art school / theater person. And I'm sure others would say he's conventionally attractive. He seems really "normal / jock," he works with houses / real estate (?) but I feel like an outcast and I've always liked outcasts. During the family friend event, he told me a story about him cutting his and his siblings hair and I genuinely laughed a lot. Shortly after he told the story, I was looking at his face and I was just thinking.. huh.
At one point when we were alone together after the event he reeeally unexpectedly to me started singing some song, I gawked a little and my heart did something small. He saw my expression and chuckled. My BF is not musical and cringes at others singing - I can't sing when I'm around him (and I grew up musical). I also really dislike when people you just meet ask you what music you listen to, but when he asked me what I like to listen to it didn't bother me at all.
He asked me to squeeze in next to him to make room at one point, and I declined and said my BF could sit on my lap instead because I at least knew that I thought he was attractive. And he was looking at me a few times when he probably thought I didn't notice. But at some point when we were alone and laughing, he put his hand right around my wrist and like touch my shoulder or something a couple times. He did some other quirky things, too ex: I tried to record a video of my BF on my phone and he jumped into it, which really wasn't necessary lol. His friend come up to the two of us trying to give advice about parenting and said "You know, when you guys have kids -" and the guy jokingly said "When [my name] and I have kids together?" and I tried not to laugh. Later near a bar he beckoned me over, we spoke and then looked at me to try to initiate a link-arm-drink with me and I did it but we were just looking at each other and I just felt like.. I don't know man. He highly complimented me on a skill I had and he'd been really supportive the whole time. He also admired how I could hang out with a bunch of (random) guys with my BF - like not needing to only do date-dates with my BF. He asked my BF and I if we wanted to hangout longer and I wanted to, but it was late and my BF and I ultimately thought it was easier to go back home instead. Then, while I was with my BF he only asked for my BF's number, which felt appropriate. We hugged formally, left and on the train ride home my BF fell asleep and feelings hit me like a brick.
ONE WEEK LATER: I'd been trying to process this and how I'd misjudged myself (I also listened to every single song in my library like hours of music and I hadn't done that in years) - I spoke to my boyfriend about having sexual feelings for this guy. My BF is trying to handle the information, so I have yet to tell him other parts yet ex: me experiencing continued fantasies of - if my BF wanted to - having sex with both of them, or my BF just allowing me to have sex with that guy. I intensely want to smoke weed with him (which I also haven't done in years) and have sex with him.
I feel guilty, but I keep "uncontrollably" picturing him when I'm hanging out with my boyfriend. I have an urge to ask this guy if he's in an open relationship and sleep with him before I leave the city - my BF and I are moving away, potentially to separate locations. But I really don't know if I'd gain anything life changing from it. (P.S. I never gave any indication that my BF and I were having issues.)
What do you think? + What is happening to me, and what do I do?
TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been having relationship issues and talk about breaking up. We have sex once a month if that. We met this guy one time at an event recently in a troubled (?) long distance relationship, and I think we both know we find each other attractive. I started having sexual feelings for him & fantasies that I've wanted to act on even though I love my boyfriend and still don't exactly want to leave him. I'm leaving the area soon I don't know what my next course of action is, what is happening to me, and if the feelings should be acted upon.
Thank you very much!
2024.05.15 18:28 GrimaIsBestWaifu The Nature of Freyja's Feelings for Freyr (English + Japanese)
 | (Very long post...) submitted by GrimaIsBestWaifu to FireEmblemHeroes [link] [comments] People have told me that they enjoy these sorts of comparisons between the English and Japanese versions of FEH's story and character writing, so I thought to make a post about Freyr and Freyja, who are some of my favourite characters from this game. This was sparked by discussions I've had with friends about how Freyja really feels about her brother. Though she's well known for her love for him, it seems some people adamantly contest whether her feelings are romantic and/or sexual in nature. It may seem arbitrary, but I quite like taking a closer look at FEH OCs, who are commonly brushed off as shallow and inferior to "main series characters". This doubled with an interest in localization changes, which I enjoy sharing with those who may be unfamiliar with the original Japanese version of media like FEH, inspired me to investigate this topic. It's not rare for FEH's English version to change or tone things down, after all (and from what I can tell, Book IV was hit the hardest), so I wanted to really look into how differently the ENG and JP versions handle Freyja's infamous brother-loving tendencies. While in my eyes, it's rather apparent that Freyja is yet another case of a long-held Fire Emblem tradition, this post is not intended for me to preach my own perspective. I will instead attempt to provide a balanced perspective and just do my best to compile anything that might provide insight into Freyja's feelings toward him, along with their relationship in general, and compare it with the Japanese version, especially if there are differences. Is it more explicit, confirmed, refuted, or otherwise? Without further ado, let us see. (Disclaimer: I am not a native Japanese speaker, nor am I fluent in the language. Japanese and English are very different languages, so when translating, I will attempt to do so as faithfully as I can while making it flow more naturally in English.) (For the sake of efficiency, only the relevant parts of each interaction will be included.) Freyja's first appearance (albeit without art) in the main story is in Book IV Chapter 4 - 5, where it is immediately established that she holds very strong feelings for her brother, wishing to have his affection and attention all to herself and being envious of mortals for receiving it instead of her. [ENG] Freyja: It has been so long, Brother...and this is how you greet me, your beloved sister? Freyr: I will ask once more, Freyja... What are you doing here? Freyja: The world is just so dull without you, Brother. You should come to my world... Come with me, to DökkĂĄlfheimr. [...] Freyr: Stop this, Freyja. Mortals should be given pleasant things... All living things deserve so much. Freyja: It's sickening how highly you think of them. Unfortunate such adoration only strengthens my resolve. [...] I alone am worthy of your love, your admiration...your gifts...ANY of it! I will not be made a FOOL by some pitiful beast that can barely manage to control its most base impulses! [...] I can think of no gift more suitable for those who would steal from me my brother's attentions... Suffering! [JP Translated] Freyja: ...Long time no see, Brother. Freyr: Freyja... Why have you come here? Freyja: Because a world without you is dull, Brother. I will have you come to my world...to DökkĂĄlfheimr. [...] Freyr: Stop this, Freyja. Mortals should live happy lives... Freyja: ...As always, you think of mortals. I am envious. [...] Aah, unforgivable. Unforgivable... To think my brother's love lies with humans... [...] It is time you receive your comeuppance for stealing my brother's heart, mortals... She's a lot more animated in the English version, eh. The next relevant story segment is Chapter 9 - 3, where they speak with each other once more, and again Freyja expresses her jealousy: [ENG] Freyja: Ever the stubborn one, Brother. Always concerned with the mortals, but never with me... But this necklace will surely change your mind...isn't that right? [JP Translated] Freyja: ...You never change, Brother. Always [thinking about] mortals, and never me... Aah...aaah... But, if you wear this necklace...surely you will look at me... Right? Minimal difference here. Next up is Chapter 9 - 5, which presents nothing we don't already know, but I thought to include it regardless. [ENG] Freyja: Where is the fun in allowing you such an easy, painless end. Surely thieves who sought to steal my brother's heart deserve a proper amount of punishment... [JP Translated] Freyja: But, hey. I won't allow you have such an easy ending. Not until after I tease the thieves who stole my brother's heart plenty more... Next, we get to hear crucial information from Freyr in Chapter 10 - 1: [ENG] Freyr: I comforted her... But soon she smiled for me alone. Then...having grown, she began to speak of never parting...of wanting to be ever in my gentle presence... [...] Before long, Freyja's beauty blossomed... Many sought to court her, but she allowed none to woo her... For this, too, I am no doubt to blame. [JP Translated] Freyr: After I gave her words of consolation...my sister began to only show her smile to me. And then...she said that one day, when she grew up, she would like to [marry] someone who is compassionate like me... [...] Eventually, Freyja grew so beautiful that she could steal anyone's heart... Many people asked for her hand in marriage, but she didn't accept anyone's affections... I suppose that is also my sin... This is one of the most damning pieces of evidence against Freyja's love for Freyr being non-romantic. However, for the sake of the argument, Freyr's words can be interpreted in two ways. On the one hand, Occam's Razor suggests that Freyja refusing courtship from others indicates that she's only interested in Freyr and no one else. On the other hand, it could be that because she was rejected by everyone except Freyr in her childhood, that trauma bred enough resentment within her to where she in turn rejects everyone but her brother, who always stood by her. They're not mutually exclusive by any means, but the first interpretation outright affirms the romantic nature of Freyja's love for Freyr, whereas the second focuses on how Freyja views people besides Freyr and leaves how she feels about him more vague. As for Freyr's last line about it being his fault, it can also be read in two ways. Applying Occam's Razor again, Freyr could be saying that Freyja rejected everyone who sought to marry her because she wished to be with him instead. However, taking into consideration what we know about Freyr, he has a tendency to feel immense guilt, regretting turning children into ĂĄlfar and apologizing for Freyja's antics on her behalf. One might see this as just another instance of him placing too much blame on himself. He is also merely speaking from his perspective and may very well not have a complete grasp on what Freyja thinks, so compared to evidence straight from the horse's (well, goat's) mouth, his words might not hold as much weight. At the end of the same chapter, we get another important scene in the form of Freyr's death. In their final moments together, they exchange these words: [ENG] Freyja: Brother, no! If you die, Iâ Are they...truly so dear to you as this? Freyr: Nothing has ever been more important...than you, Freyja. But as long as I am with you, the mortals will suffer...until you finally destroy them. I could not bear to see you become that... So, for your sake... Goodbye...Sister... Freyja: Brother... NOOOOO! [...] ...UuuuaaaAAAGGGHHH!! No... Not like this... This is not... This is not what I wanted... I just...wanted you to smile at me again, Brother... I just wanted to feel loved again... And now... All my hopes...all my...rrrraaaAAAGGGHHH! [JP Translation] Freyja: Stop it, Brother! Without you, I...! Are mortals truly so...so important to you...? Freyr: To me...you, Freyja, are more important than anything. Perhaps because of what we work as gods...so long as I exist, you will bring calamity upon mortals...until you eventually destroy them all... I love you... And because I do, I do not wish to see you become that... So...for your sake...it is better that I disappear. Goodbye, Sister... ... Freyja: NOOOOO! Brother...Bro...ther... [...] Ah...aah...aaaaah... I didn't... I didn't...wish for this... I just...wanted you to look at me... I just wanted you to love me... And yet...aah...aaah...AAAAAAAAAAAH! Both versions convey similar things, and it again doesn't establish anything we didn't know already. The next relevant moment comes in Chapter 11 - 3, after Freyja sends Plumeria to stop us: [ENG] Freyja: Fight, little ĂĄlfar... Fight to the death. Feel the pain of lost loveâthe pain I felt when my brother was taken from me... [JP Translation] Freyja: Kill each other, ĂĄlfar... You shall also feel the pain, the sorrow...that I felt when I lost my brother. The word 'love' is only present in the English version here. Next comes before we fight her at the end of the chapter: [ENG] Freyja: Do not worry. I will not end your lives right away. If I did, the pain...the loss...of my brother wouldâ RrrraaaAAAGGGHHH! Brother! Why?! How could you! After everything! ...AAAHHH! [JP Translated] Freyja: It's alright, I won't kill you right away. If I don't do that, the pain and grief...of losing my brother would... Aah...aah...AAAAH! Brother...why...AAAAAH! Another scene with minimal differences between languages, though she's once again more dramatic in the English version. It isn't until Chapter 13 - 3 that Freyja's feelings toward Freyr are addressed again: [ENG] Freyja: Triandra, tell mâ ... ...Isn't that something. With my life, Triandra and Plumeria could... No. None of that matters. The only thing that matters is my brother. Him and him alone. None of that matters... [JP Translated] Freyja: Triandra, wh... ... ...That's right. Because of my orders, Triandra...and Plumeria...are also... ...That doesn't matter. My brother is all that is precious to me, after all. ...Yes. That doesn't matter... Yet again, they say functionally the same thing. Now, why did I include the bit about Triandra and Plumeria when they aren't relevant to this topic? Please humour me as I momentarily derail this dissertation to have a nerd moment. See how in the ENG version, Freyja mentions her life, whereas in the JP version, she talks about the commands she gave them. The Japanese word for 'order' is 'ćœä»€' and the word for 'life' is 'ćœ'. Notice how the latter is present in the former? I believe this may have been an oversight by the translators who didn't see the second character of 'order' and thought Freyja said 'life', leading to the discrepancy between versions. As some have noted, a similar mistake likely occurred in the translation of Book VII's Chapter 7 - 3, where the ENG version initially stated that NerĂŸuz is Freyr and Freyja's mother when she is supposed to be their aunt. The Japanese word for 'aunt' is 'ćæŻ', which incorporates the word for 'mother', 'æŻ', so the error could have sprung from overlooking the 'ć'. As you may know, this was rectified in a later patch. However, the discrepancy in Freyja's aforementioned line remains untouched, likely because it still works (and serves as a healthy amount of foreshadowing for the finale). Speaking of which, let's get back on track. At the end of Book IV, Freyja has these words to offer about her brother as she is about to enter her vegetative coma: [ENG] Freyja: Triandra. Plumeria... I loved my brotherâand only him. He was everything to me. I never loved you, because only my brother meant anything to me. [...] I never understood my brother, why he loved humans, why he would throw his life away... [...] I will never understand this. My brother alone meant anything to me, and yet, even still...with you two, here...now... You've made me...smile. [JP Translated] Freyja: Hey, Triandra...Plumeria... I loved my brother...him alone. [He] was everything to me. I never loved you... Because to me, nothing but my brother held any value. [...] I was never able to understand my brother's heart... Why he cherished mortals... Why he would throw his life away for someone else... [...] ... ...I don't understand. Even though... Even though nothing matters to me besides my brother... ...I am glad... Negligible difference here. And so ends what we can glean from Book IV of the main story. As far as I can recall, this is the only Paralogue with anything remotely relevant to this debate. Even then, it's only about Freyja's personal growth and not so much about their relationship: [ENG] Freyja: [...] Perhaps if I wear the clothing of mortals, and learn more about their ways... There's a chance I will learn to understand my brother and his love for such creatures. [JP Translated] Freyja: [...] If I wear the clothing of mortals, and learn about their ways...perhaps I will be able to understand my brother's heart. Indeed, post-Book IV Freyja (story-wise) is much more mellow and open-minded due to her world no longer being limited to just her brother. She doesn't, to my knowledge, even talk about Freyr at all in Paralogue 83: Spring Eternal, or the entire Nihility & Dream Tempest Trials+ story. Seeing as no new insight can be gathered from supplementary story segments, let's just end this short section off with their little conversation at the end of the summer Paralogue for curiosity's sake: [ENG] Plumeria: Dream-King Freyr, what do you think of Lady Freyja's new flower? It suits her well, don't you think? Freyr: Yes... It is...truly beautiful. Freyja: Oh, Brother, you are too kind... [JP Translated] Plumeria: Lord Freyr, please look at Lady Freyja. Her flower ornament really suits her. Freyr: Yes, it's beautiful. Freyja: Brother... The English version is a tad 'fluffier', so to speak. Nothing notable, but this is Freyja's last canon interaction with Freyr, so it may be remiss to exclude it. Now let's see what information our playable units can provide us with. The amount of dialogue other characters have commenting on Freyr and Freyja's relationship is quite sparse, so this will nearly all be from Freyr and Freyja's various playable iterations. I will tackle all relevant lines starting with Base Freyja's voice lines: [ENG] "Ah! Unforgivable! You're not Freyr." [JP Translated] "Ah?! U-unacceptable... Only my brother is permitted to touch me." Japanese is more on the nose with this one, but it's nothing compared to this next line: [ENG] "The love my brother and I feel is deeper than most siblings..." [JP Translated] "My brother and I require a deeper love between us, different than that of a sibling bond." It's a pretty clunky line to translate, but I tried to retain as much detail and nuance as possible. The most literal translation I can come up with is "For me and my brother, not the bond between siblings, but a deeper love, is needed." This is another pretty incriminating line, so to speak, since she specifies that what she feels they require is not the love between brother and sister. As for what she could possibly be referring to...come to what conclusions you will. Now let's quickly run through her remaining relevant voice lines: [ENG] "Since the day Freyr rebuffed me, I have made the realm of nightmares my home." "Why, Freyr? My love for you... Why?" "You resemble him not one iota. So tell me...why do I care?" [JP Translated] "Since the day my brother rejected me...I have resided in the realm of nightmares." "Aah, Brother...even though I love you so..." "You are someone who is nothing like my brother... Yet, why..." Nothing much of note. Next, Base Freyja's castle quotes: [ENG] "I detest mortals... If not for them, I would still be at my brother's side." "When I was young, I was tormented for the way I looked. Only my brother was ever kind to me... Only he showed me love." "You've interrupted my reminiscence. What is it that you want?" [JP Translated] "I hate humans... They stole my brother's heart, after all..." "When I was young, unsightly as a pig...only my brother treated me kindly... Back then, I..." "What business do you have with me? I am preoccupied with being immersed in memories of my brother." Quite a few liberties were taken with the ENG lines, but it's not as if much new information is revealed in them either way. Now then, Base Freyja is the only Freyja alt that has Freyr referenced in her unit description. And lo and behold, she actually has two of them! ...In the English version, at least. It curiously differs between her enemy incarnation in the main story maps and her playable form, while the Japanese description remains consistent: [ENG] "Queen of DökkĂĄlfheimr, realm of nightmares. Loves her older brother Freyr dearly, raging with bitter jealousy at his care for lesser mortal creatures." (Enemy) "The queen of DökkĂĄlfheimr, the nightmare realm. Her love for her brother Freyr drives her to wish she could stay with him no matter the cost." (Playable) [JP Translated] "Queen of DökkĂĄlfheimr, the realm of nightmares. Loves her brother Freyr and wishes to have all of him to herself." It's cool how all three address different aspects of her feelings: her desire to be by his side, her possessiveness of him, and the jealousy she feels toward others. All of it stems from her love for him which, incestuous in nature or not, is evidently very unhealthy. Now let's move onto Summer Freyja's voice lines: [ENG] "You brought me to the beach alongside my dear brother... So, you can be sensible." "I hope to enjoy the sun and sea here with my brother. *sigh* It has been so long since we've had such time together..." [JP Translated] "[You brought] me and my brother to the sea...how considerate of you." "I want to have innocent fun with my brother again, just like when we were young..." Like Base Freyja's castle lines, while the lines are slightly distinct between languages, they don't really provide additional insight. Freyja is being sincere and just wants to spend time with Freyr at the beach, absent any untoward intentions she may or may not have in other scenarios, so I'd say at best it's not proving anything in either direction. Next are her castle lines: [ENG] "The steady rhythm of the waves reminds me of my gentle brother's comforting voice." "The summer sunlight glittering over the water's surface brings visions of my brother's smile to my mind..." [JP Translated] "The gentle sound of the waves somehow reminds me of my brother's voice." "The sparkling rays of the summer sun... They surely befit my brother's smile." Another instance where the ENG version is a bit 'fluffier', but still nothing noteworthy. Now, this is only barely relevant and also not helpful, but I'll include this line at the end of her 5 Star Lvl. 40 conversation for good measure: [ENG] "[...] But for now, in this moment...let me sink into a dream of summer love and reflect on those days now long past." [JP Translated] "[...] Right now, in this moment...I shall immerse myself in a dream of summer love, while recalling my brother's voice..." She only directly references Freyr in the JP version. Now, to take a look at Spring Karla, for whom Freyja acts as a backpack and thereby gains additional dialogue. Here are the only voiced lines related to Freyr: [ENG] Karla: Lady Freyja, did something also happen between you and your brother? Freyja: Yes. Though my experience is not one you could comprehend. Because no matter if decades or even centuries pass...the distance between us can grow no smaller. [JP Translated] Karla: Lady Freyja, did something also happen between you and your brother? Freyja: It's not something a human like you can understand. Even if decades or centuries pass...the distance between me and my brother grows no smaller. Nothing of note. Then there's this castle line, which doesn't offer any new information, but it's the only other line about Freyr: [ENG] Freyja: I cannot forgive the mortals that took my brother from me. However...I will not hold it against the children enjoying this festival. [JP Translated] Freyja: I will not forgive the mortals that stole my brother from me. However...I will not have the children enjoying the festival shoulder the blame. That's all from Spring Karla. Now, Eitr's a tricky case, since she 1. has laser-guided amnesia, and 2. may be a manifestation of Freyja from a time before she would have developed her unhealthy obsession with her brother (seeing as she has the nose mark, she's still on the younger side). However, for completeness' sake, I'll at least include the one time where she does reference Freyr (albeit indirectly): [ENG] "I...had a dream I...wanted to tell you about. It was a scary one, but... someone was there to save me. I don't remember their face, but they were very kind..." [JP Translated] "[...] You see, I...had a dream. It was a very scary dream...but someone saved me. I don't remember their face, but they were a very kind person..." As expected, it's exceedingly unhelpful and probably not admissible in court to boot, but there it is. Now then, let's turn our attention to the other party in this relationship. Here is Base Freyr's only relevant voiced line: [ENG] "Oh, Freyja... Though I love you, I...I cannot..." [JP Translated] "Freyja...I love you. But, that is..." You cannot what, Freyr? That is what, Freyr? Alas, the man trails off before giving any possibly useful information. Perhaps these are the words he spoke back when he rebuffed her, but due to not finishing his sentence, we have been deprived of crucial evidence. His only other Freyja-related line is this castle quote: [ENG] "My sister, Freyja, is...precious to me. It is my love for her that drives me to stop her from harming mortals..." [JP Translated] "My sister Freyja is irreplaceable to me. That is precisely why I do not with to see her subject mortals to disaster..." It's similar to what he says on his deathbed, so it's nothing we've never heard before. Moving on, besides commenting on her presence at the beach, his Summer alt only really addresses Freyja once in this voice line: [ENG] "How long has it been since you were so untroubled, Freyja..." [JP Translated] "Freyja... How long has it been since I last saw you smile so innocently..." This is not to mean that Freyja now smiles at him non-innocently... In this context, it seems to me that he's talking about how unburdened and carefree Freyja is while at the beach, like a child, and he's reminiscing about how she used to be when she was young and not weighed down by as much baggage. Nothing to see here. To end off this section, Attuned Peony is, to my knowledge, the only other unit who comments on Freyr and Freyja's relationship, and even then she doesn't have much to say: [ENG] "If anything can happen in dreams, then King Freyr and Lady Freyja may still one day find peace once more..." [JP Translated] "If it's in a dream...surely Lord Freyr and Lady Freyja will be able to make amends (get along again). Sometimes I wonder just how much or little the fairies know about their lieges' relationship, seeing how they barely address it, if at all. Plumeria especially I imagine would feel quite conflicted if she knew the master she served and adored held untoward desires for her brother, being the game's resident prude extraordinaire, yet she offers no input on the matter. Some take this as an indication that Freyja's feelings aren't romantic/sexual in nature, because surely Plumeria would have much to say if it indeed was, but I'm not certain that suffices as evidence, per se. Now comes time to look at the Meet the Heroes entries of the sibling duo's playable versions. Starting with Base Freyja's, which by far goes into the most depth: [ENG] "[...] Freyja was once a compassionate goddess who treasured love in all its forms. However, a childhood of ridicule left her heartbroken, making her brother Freyr her only source of affection. When Freyr chose to put the mortal world before her whims, Freyja was inconsolable, so she took to living in the realm of nightmares. Envious of Freyrâs love for the mortals, she used her own love to control them, all so Freyrâs smile would be for her alone. And thatâs how Freyja came to be the queen of the realm of nightmares. Do you think that things between her and Freyr can ever be the same again?" [JP Translated] "[...] Freyja was once the Goddess of Love who enjoyed loving and being loved by others. However, she loves her brother Freyr to the point where it exceeds the feelings siblings hold towards one another. Heartbroken after Freyr rejected those feelings, she came to live in the nightmare realm. She began to control the mortals her brother loved using her own love, wanting him to look at her... That's how Freyja came to reign as queen over the realm of nightmares. Please make amends with Freyr someday!" Unsurprisingly (to me, at least), the Japanese version emphasizes the fact that Freyja's love for Freyr goes beyond sibling affection once again while the English version dances around it. The straightforward reading of this excerpt would be that Freyr didn't reciprocate that kind of love, which led to their falling out and long-time separation. Makes a lot of sense to me, but do share alternative interpretations if you have them. Let's see this section of Summer Freyja's entry now: [ENG] "She also brought a really cute goat-shaped floatie along with her! Is it just me, or do I see a bit of Freyr in it? Those two really are inseparable!" [JP Translated] "Her cute goat-shaped floatie seems to be modelled after her brother Freyr. Fitting for Freyja as a big brother's girl (like a daddy's girl or mama's boy)!" If anything, the fact that the accompanying art for this segment depicts her kissing the floatie is more noteworthy, but it feels kind of disingenuous to use that as evidence of anything, haha. The only other entry with even vaguely useful content is Summer Freyr's: [ENG] "[...] And whatâs that in his hand? Why, itâs a cool, refreshing pineapple juice! I see it has two straws, so he must be meaning to share it with his sister, Freyja! Freyr typically looks calm and serene, but I think I can see a little smile on his face. I hope he and Freyja have a wonderful time at the beach!" [JP Translated] "[...] The pineapple juice he holds in his hand looks delicious! I hear it has two straws so he can drink it together with his sister Freyja! Freyr is always calm, but he seems to be having more fun than usual. Please enjoy the summer sea to the fullest with Freyja!" Just like with the floatie kiss, I don't think the fact they intend to share the same drink by using two straws is indicative of one thing or another. Merely a fun little detail. Last but not least comes the currently Japanese-exclusive art book, namely the second volume, which covers Book IV (and V, but we're not talking about that right now). Naturally, as a resident Book IV fanatic, I am in possession of a copy. While it's called an illustrations book, it in fact includes things like plot and character summaries and valuable extra lore that you cannot find anywhere else. In the future, I intend to translate the notable parts of the Book IV-dedicated section for those who don't have the art book and/or cannot read Japanese, But for now, all I will include is this excerpt from the overview of the plot line "Freyja's reckless behaviour and jealousy towards humans because she desperately wanted her brother": https://preview.redd.it/ccqtny1gnh0d1.png?width=657&format=png&auto=webp&s=43387c435f5cedcdcf537e86152a6a920537ef90 The underlined text (ăăŹă€ă€ăŻć ăăăŒăžă«ćŻŸăăŠèĄçžè 仄äžăźææ ăæ±ă) restates that "Freyja holds feelings for Freyr that exceed [what one feels toward] blood relatives". Once more the Japanese version is very eager to highlight this fact. Whether this art book will eventually be translated into English remains to be seen, but I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up being slightly sanitized and less forward with the incestuous undertones (or overtones, depending on your view). |
2024.05.15 18:25 savethecoralreefs Why would a guy (27M) persistently chase then ghost a girl when she develops feelings?
I (28F) met a guy (27M) off an app 1.5 years ago, after one month of talking everyday and hitting it off, he flew to my city and we spent a few days together getting to know eachother, we really hit it off but after some serious talks we realized we have differences in timeline (he wanted a really slow pace, go off vibes, while I was looking to commit to a serious relationship) that led me to believe we may be incompatible and ending it to save us from hurt&time. In retrospect, may be I should have been more patient or given it time, but oh well.
Over the course of 1.5yrs, he would frequently comment on my instagram, send me texts just checking in, basically trying to get back to dating eachother. He knew where I stood, I dont play games or lead anyone on, I'm very transparent but said he 'doesn't give up on what he wants' and im his dream girl and blah blah (the usual stuff guys say to get you hooked).
A few weeks ago, he reached out again emphasizing he wants a serious relationship and I need to give him a chance, and I finally decided to open up my heart and give this a second chance. Since he came to my city last time, I decided I will fly to him and we can spend quality time together.
Everything was going great until we get on facetime to book flights and i casually ask how he knows one of our mutual instagram follower (a distant friend of mine) and he admits theyve had eachother on instagram for a few years but its always been surface level convo. I asked to what extent and he looks uncomfortable and says well its off/on but nothing deep, and theyve never met in person. I said ok, well i dont care for the past, but if im flying to see someone, im hoping were focusing on eachother to grow our connection. He said we should 'sleep on it' before booking flights.
We end the call and I don't hear anything the next day from him, even though I messaged him twice (one goodmorning text and a second text asking him to be transparent and appreciating any communication from his end). Late at night I get a text from him saying that he needed time to think things over and he doesnt feel any better about the situation after our convo. I am so confused. He has been silent and unresponsive since. I asked my distant friend (the mutual follower) and she said thing same he said, casual instagram convos.
What the HECK is going on? Why would he chase me for so long, only to pull back all of a sudden? I didn't think our mutual follower conversation was an issue, but maybe there is something I dont know? Or maybe he wants to pursue multiple people even though he said he wants a serious relationship now? I am so confused. Am I naive and not reading between the lines?
Tldr; guy chases me for 1.5yrs, when i give him a chance, he ghosts me after questioning a mutual instagram follower
submitted by savethecoralreefs to dating_advice [link] [comments]
Over the course of 1.5yrs, he would frequently comment on my instagram, send me texts just checking in, basically trying to get back to dating eachother. He knew where I stood, I dont play games or lead anyone on, I'm very transparent but said he 'doesn't give up on what he wants' and im his dream girl and blah blah (the usual stuff guys say to get you hooked).
A few weeks ago, he reached out again emphasizing he wants a serious relationship and I need to give him a chance, and I finally decided to open up my heart and give this a second chance. Since he came to my city last time, I decided I will fly to him and we can spend quality time together.
Everything was going great until we get on facetime to book flights and i casually ask how he knows one of our mutual instagram follower (a distant friend of mine) and he admits theyve had eachother on instagram for a few years but its always been surface level convo. I asked to what extent and he looks uncomfortable and says well its off/on but nothing deep, and theyve never met in person. I said ok, well i dont care for the past, but if im flying to see someone, im hoping were focusing on eachother to grow our connection. He said we should 'sleep on it' before booking flights.
We end the call and I don't hear anything the next day from him, even though I messaged him twice (one goodmorning text and a second text asking him to be transparent and appreciating any communication from his end). Late at night I get a text from him saying that he needed time to think things over and he doesnt feel any better about the situation after our convo. I am so confused. He has been silent and unresponsive since. I asked my distant friend (the mutual follower) and she said thing same he said, casual instagram convos.
What the HECK is going on? Why would he chase me for so long, only to pull back all of a sudden? I didn't think our mutual follower conversation was an issue, but maybe there is something I dont know? Or maybe he wants to pursue multiple people even though he said he wants a serious relationship now? I am so confused. Am I naive and not reading between the lines?
Tldr; guy chases me for 1.5yrs, when i give him a chance, he ghosts me after questioning a mutual instagram follower
2024.05.15 18:22 Hungry-Painting-8081 What are your opinions on this situation/event that occurred between a 33F and 36M that arenât married and have been broken up for the past 3 months after 3 year relationship? 36M has been trying to work things out, but can do nothing right. Analyze both people in this situation please.
In this situation, the roles have been reversed in an attempt to get the 33F to see the 36M point of view. This is the text that was sent to the 33F recounting the events from the 36M point of view but again with roles reversed.
I know itâs impossible to see things from a point of view different than youâre own but humor me a little here and letâs take a look at yesterdays events/situation and see how someone in my position may be upset about how the day/night unfolded.
You and I have dated for 3 years. We recently broke up around 3 months ago. You made some mistakes and realized those mistakes and have been trying your best every day since to show me that you can be a better person, that youâre sorry, that you love me, etc⊠Some days it works, other days it doesnât. But you donât give up despite the ups and downs, the challenges, the mixed signals. Thereâs been times youâve wanted to give up but thereâs just something in you and something you see in me that will not let you do that. So you continue to try and try, explaining every little thing, overexplaining, trying to change my mind of you. Because my mind is made up, I donât believe anything you say, I donât trust you, and I believe that your every action is of ill intent and only out to hurt me. Fast forward to yesterday. Things arenât going great but things arenât going as bad as they have in the past. We donât talk much during work but youâve still texted me multiple times throughout the day but Iâve not read them or responded in quite some time. You walk into my office and Iâm looking at my phone and laughing. You immediately get upset because you feel as though I didnât have enough time to read and respond to your text which would take all of 5 seconds of my time but yet here I am phone in hand, texting other people, and laughing. You call me out on it, I immediately get defensive and angry with you. We text and argue about the situation for the next little bit. You notice that my location has been turned off on Life360. I deny having turned it off and am not sure why that would happen. After work, you come to my house to get a package that has been delivered. My kid asks if youâd like to stay and play. You tell them to ask me and I agree that itâs okay. You play with my kid for a bit until you get tired. During this time, your mom is on one of her text rants and is blowing up your phone. While resting, you look at your phone to see what the fuss is about and to respond in hopes of ending the onslaught of messages. Iâm in another part of the house and havenât really talked to you since youâve been inside. I walk in and see you on your phone in that one moment and make a snarky remark about how Iâm not allowed to be on my phone but here you are at my house on your phone. You try to explain whatâs going on, but Iâm not hearing any of it. Feeling unwelcome and rather than continue an argument, you decide to leave. We continue to text and youâre trying your best to clear up the situation as usual, over explaining, trying to prove to me that although it does seem a certain way, it wasnât youâre intentions. Get to a point where you text me a couple of long paragraphs. I read them but donât respond. You have an awards banquet to go to for your kid. After the banquet you text me some sweet things about how all you know is that you love me, want to be with me, yadda, yadda⊠no response. You try to break the silence with a suggestion of giving me a massage. I act interested asking if youâre serious. You say yes but I donât respond. You then ask if thatâs a no. I then tell you no, that I have plans with âsomeoneâ to eat dinner and discuss a job Iâve been talking to this person about all week. I never mentioned it to you at all throughout the day and coincidentally this person wants to meet exactly at the time you asked me to hangout. Having flown from Washington all the way to shitty little Middlesboro at this exact moment to meet with me about this job. You respond and bite your tongue, wanting to just let it go, and wish me luck. But the coincidences of it all cause you to respond with a smart ass remark. Youâve been turned down so many times before you felt obligated to say something. But then you wish me well and let me know that you have I donât get raped or murdered. Sort of a joke but also not because it is a possibility. I am meeting a stranger that Iâve only spoken to for 2-3 days thatâs coming from another part of the country just to talk to me. But okay whatever. Then I go completely silent. Location is still turned off so you have no idea where Iâm going, who Iâm with, so your mind starts thinking do the worse things imaginable and doesnât stop. Each thought getting worse and worse. You continue to text me and I ignore you completely, not even reading your messages. You try to call, but I donât answer and send you to voicemail. You go home to try and brush it off and just stop worrying. Thatâs going pretty good. Then your friend Kacy asks what youâre up to and wants to know if youâd like to go have a few drinks. Sure, that sounds great. Will keep you distracted and give you something to do plus you enjoy hanging out with Kacy when you can. You guys meet at Ikeâs. As soon as you walk in, you see me and one of the hottest girls on the planet sitting at the bar. Just the two of us having drinks, laughing, talking, etc⊠Youâre stomach knots up and you honestly feel like pumping, walking over and saying something, or just walking away. Iâve continued to ignore you. Iâm clearly having a great time with this person and to you and it looks more than just a professional type meeting. Heâs in street clothes, you guys are drinking at a bar, there are no sort of documents, folders, etc⊠that would indicate any type of production or project pitch is taking place. Weâre finished here. We get up and we walk right by you. I see you out of the corner of my eye, smirk, and walk on out. We then disappear out of sight briefly before reappearing at my car. Youâre closely watching to see if we hug, kiss, shake hands, etc⊠before going our separate ways. But whatâs this?? She gets in my car and we drive off. So you try to text and call me. Ignored. You sit there with Kacy, watching every car pass by wondering where we went, what we were doing, maybe Iâm just dropping her off at her car. But I never come back by and you know in order for me to go home, Iâd have to drive by. You finish the evening out with Kacy having a couple more drinks until the bar closes and youâre forced to leave. You drive by my house just to see if maybe I was at home and you were just freaking out over nothing. Nope, Iâm not home. Again youâre texting me and I will not respond. You drive around for a bit to clear your head, try to pull yourself together, and because you donât want to go back to your parents and just sit and worry. You continue to text but at this point the messages arenât going through. You try to call and it goes straight to voicemail. So youâre thinking that Iâve either blocked you or youâre somewhere with no service. But where could that be? Itâs after 10pm at this point. Everything is closed on a Tuesday. Especially anywhere that would be proper for a professional job meeting. So your mind goes into overdrive thinking of every scenario in which Iâm fucking this girl, Iâm being murdered, or drugged, or God knows what. You drive around hoping to see that Iâm safe. Eventually you see my car parked at Walmart but weâre not in it. Maybe weâre in Walmart. You go in cause you have to pee anyway and do a lap or two. No sign of us. So now, itâs assumed that Iâve gotten into a car with this person and could be absolutely anywhere at this point. So the anxiety, fear, insecurity kicks it up to overdrive. Youâre freaking out. Youâre texting me trying to get some sort of reaction, calling on every outlet possible, but no response, no answer, straight to voicemail. You continue to drive around aimlessly just hoping to catch a glimpse of me somewhere so youâll know Iâm safe. You sit at Walmart close to my car to see if I ever come back. The minutes turn into hours and itâs now after midnight. Where could I be with this girl? Definitely a hotel room or parked up somewhere. Has to be. Every attempt at contacting me goes unanswered. Messages have gone through at times so you know I didnât block you but I must not have good service. Which makes things worse. Have I been kidnapped? Have I been drugged? Have I been left out in the middle of nowhere left for dead? You donât know so you drive around and drive around and return to my car multiple times. Still there. Still no response. You drive by my house multiple times. Maybe Iâve been dropped off? Nope, nothing. At this point youâre convinced Iâm either dead somewhere or Iâm 6â deep inside of this girl in her hotel room. You canât take it anymore and decide to just go home and try to get some sleep hoping that at some point youâll hear from me. During this ordeal, you come off as a crazy person because of the way youâre acting. You know that youâre ruining every opportunity you mightâve had of ever getting back with me, or forgiving you, or showing me that you can do better. But during that time, you donât care because all you care about is finding out if most importantly Iâm still alive, and secondly if youâve been lied to, betrayed, and believing that I truly care nothing about you. Begging for some sort of sign, or a stake through the heart, just so you can take your loss, feel the pain, and somehow realize that no matter how bad you want this, no matter how much you love me, and want to be with me, and want to do better for me, that it will never happen and that Iâve officially moved on so now itâs time to lick your wounds and move on as well. But that never came. Youâre left in a state of panic with a million different possibilities and unknowns running through your head a million miles an hour realizing that youâre greatest fears are coming forth and thereâs absolutely nothing you can do about it but continue to drive around, text, and call just hoping that Iâll have a little compassion for youâre wellbeing and give you something to just ease your worries so that maybe you can go home and get some rest.
submitted by Hungry-Painting-8081 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
I know itâs impossible to see things from a point of view different than youâre own but humor me a little here and letâs take a look at yesterdays events/situation and see how someone in my position may be upset about how the day/night unfolded.
You and I have dated for 3 years. We recently broke up around 3 months ago. You made some mistakes and realized those mistakes and have been trying your best every day since to show me that you can be a better person, that youâre sorry, that you love me, etc⊠Some days it works, other days it doesnât. But you donât give up despite the ups and downs, the challenges, the mixed signals. Thereâs been times youâve wanted to give up but thereâs just something in you and something you see in me that will not let you do that. So you continue to try and try, explaining every little thing, overexplaining, trying to change my mind of you. Because my mind is made up, I donât believe anything you say, I donât trust you, and I believe that your every action is of ill intent and only out to hurt me. Fast forward to yesterday. Things arenât going great but things arenât going as bad as they have in the past. We donât talk much during work but youâve still texted me multiple times throughout the day but Iâve not read them or responded in quite some time. You walk into my office and Iâm looking at my phone and laughing. You immediately get upset because you feel as though I didnât have enough time to read and respond to your text which would take all of 5 seconds of my time but yet here I am phone in hand, texting other people, and laughing. You call me out on it, I immediately get defensive and angry with you. We text and argue about the situation for the next little bit. You notice that my location has been turned off on Life360. I deny having turned it off and am not sure why that would happen. After work, you come to my house to get a package that has been delivered. My kid asks if youâd like to stay and play. You tell them to ask me and I agree that itâs okay. You play with my kid for a bit until you get tired. During this time, your mom is on one of her text rants and is blowing up your phone. While resting, you look at your phone to see what the fuss is about and to respond in hopes of ending the onslaught of messages. Iâm in another part of the house and havenât really talked to you since youâve been inside. I walk in and see you on your phone in that one moment and make a snarky remark about how Iâm not allowed to be on my phone but here you are at my house on your phone. You try to explain whatâs going on, but Iâm not hearing any of it. Feeling unwelcome and rather than continue an argument, you decide to leave. We continue to text and youâre trying your best to clear up the situation as usual, over explaining, trying to prove to me that although it does seem a certain way, it wasnât youâre intentions. Get to a point where you text me a couple of long paragraphs. I read them but donât respond. You have an awards banquet to go to for your kid. After the banquet you text me some sweet things about how all you know is that you love me, want to be with me, yadda, yadda⊠no response. You try to break the silence with a suggestion of giving me a massage. I act interested asking if youâre serious. You say yes but I donât respond. You then ask if thatâs a no. I then tell you no, that I have plans with âsomeoneâ to eat dinner and discuss a job Iâve been talking to this person about all week. I never mentioned it to you at all throughout the day and coincidentally this person wants to meet exactly at the time you asked me to hangout. Having flown from Washington all the way to shitty little Middlesboro at this exact moment to meet with me about this job. You respond and bite your tongue, wanting to just let it go, and wish me luck. But the coincidences of it all cause you to respond with a smart ass remark. Youâve been turned down so many times before you felt obligated to say something. But then you wish me well and let me know that you have I donât get raped or murdered. Sort of a joke but also not because it is a possibility. I am meeting a stranger that Iâve only spoken to for 2-3 days thatâs coming from another part of the country just to talk to me. But okay whatever. Then I go completely silent. Location is still turned off so you have no idea where Iâm going, who Iâm with, so your mind starts thinking do the worse things imaginable and doesnât stop. Each thought getting worse and worse. You continue to text me and I ignore you completely, not even reading your messages. You try to call, but I donât answer and send you to voicemail. You go home to try and brush it off and just stop worrying. Thatâs going pretty good. Then your friend Kacy asks what youâre up to and wants to know if youâd like to go have a few drinks. Sure, that sounds great. Will keep you distracted and give you something to do plus you enjoy hanging out with Kacy when you can. You guys meet at Ikeâs. As soon as you walk in, you see me and one of the hottest girls on the planet sitting at the bar. Just the two of us having drinks, laughing, talking, etc⊠Youâre stomach knots up and you honestly feel like pumping, walking over and saying something, or just walking away. Iâve continued to ignore you. Iâm clearly having a great time with this person and to you and it looks more than just a professional type meeting. Heâs in street clothes, you guys are drinking at a bar, there are no sort of documents, folders, etc⊠that would indicate any type of production or project pitch is taking place. Weâre finished here. We get up and we walk right by you. I see you out of the corner of my eye, smirk, and walk on out. We then disappear out of sight briefly before reappearing at my car. Youâre closely watching to see if we hug, kiss, shake hands, etc⊠before going our separate ways. But whatâs this?? She gets in my car and we drive off. So you try to text and call me. Ignored. You sit there with Kacy, watching every car pass by wondering where we went, what we were doing, maybe Iâm just dropping her off at her car. But I never come back by and you know in order for me to go home, Iâd have to drive by. You finish the evening out with Kacy having a couple more drinks until the bar closes and youâre forced to leave. You drive by my house just to see if maybe I was at home and you were just freaking out over nothing. Nope, Iâm not home. Again youâre texting me and I will not respond. You drive around for a bit to clear your head, try to pull yourself together, and because you donât want to go back to your parents and just sit and worry. You continue to text but at this point the messages arenât going through. You try to call and it goes straight to voicemail. So youâre thinking that Iâve either blocked you or youâre somewhere with no service. But where could that be? Itâs after 10pm at this point. Everything is closed on a Tuesday. Especially anywhere that would be proper for a professional job meeting. So your mind goes into overdrive thinking of every scenario in which Iâm fucking this girl, Iâm being murdered, or drugged, or God knows what. You drive around hoping to see that Iâm safe. Eventually you see my car parked at Walmart but weâre not in it. Maybe weâre in Walmart. You go in cause you have to pee anyway and do a lap or two. No sign of us. So now, itâs assumed that Iâve gotten into a car with this person and could be absolutely anywhere at this point. So the anxiety, fear, insecurity kicks it up to overdrive. Youâre freaking out. Youâre texting me trying to get some sort of reaction, calling on every outlet possible, but no response, no answer, straight to voicemail. You continue to drive around aimlessly just hoping to catch a glimpse of me somewhere so youâll know Iâm safe. You sit at Walmart close to my car to see if I ever come back. The minutes turn into hours and itâs now after midnight. Where could I be with this girl? Definitely a hotel room or parked up somewhere. Has to be. Every attempt at contacting me goes unanswered. Messages have gone through at times so you know I didnât block you but I must not have good service. Which makes things worse. Have I been kidnapped? Have I been drugged? Have I been left out in the middle of nowhere left for dead? You donât know so you drive around and drive around and return to my car multiple times. Still there. Still no response. You drive by my house multiple times. Maybe Iâve been dropped off? Nope, nothing. At this point youâre convinced Iâm either dead somewhere or Iâm 6â deep inside of this girl in her hotel room. You canât take it anymore and decide to just go home and try to get some sleep hoping that at some point youâll hear from me. During this ordeal, you come off as a crazy person because of the way youâre acting. You know that youâre ruining every opportunity you mightâve had of ever getting back with me, or forgiving you, or showing me that you can do better. But during that time, you donât care because all you care about is finding out if most importantly Iâm still alive, and secondly if youâve been lied to, betrayed, and believing that I truly care nothing about you. Begging for some sort of sign, or a stake through the heart, just so you can take your loss, feel the pain, and somehow realize that no matter how bad you want this, no matter how much you love me, and want to be with me, and want to do better for me, that it will never happen and that Iâve officially moved on so now itâs time to lick your wounds and move on as well. But that never came. Youâre left in a state of panic with a million different possibilities and unknowns running through your head a million miles an hour realizing that youâre greatest fears are coming forth and thereâs absolutely nothing you can do about it but continue to drive around, text, and call just hoping that Iâll have a little compassion for youâre wellbeing and give you something to just ease your worries so that maybe you can go home and get some rest.
2024.05.15 18:15 savethecoralreefs Why would he (27M) chase then ignore me (28F) after 1.5 yrs?
I (28F) met a guy (27M) off an app 1.5 years ago, after one month of talking everyday and hitting it off, he flew to my city and we spent a few days together getting to know eachother, we really hit it off but after some serious talks we realized we have differences in timeline (he wanted a really slow pace, go off vibes, while I was looking to commit to a serious relationship) that led me to believe we may be incompatible and ending it to save us from hurt&time. In retrospect, may be I should have been more patient or given it time, but oh well.
Over the course of 1.5yrs, he would frequently comment on my instagram, send me texts just checking in, basically trying to get back to dating eachother. He knew where I stood, I dont play games or lead anyone on, I'm very transparent but said he 'doesn't give up on what he wants' and im his dream girl and blah blah (the usual stuff guys say to get you hooked).
A few weeks ago, he reached out again emphasizing he wants a serious relationship and I need to give him a chance, and I finally decided to open up my heart and give this a second chance. Since he came to my city last time, I decided I will fly to him and we can spend quality time together.
Everything was going great until we get on facetime to book flights and i casually ask how he knows one of our mutual instagram follower (a distant friend of mine) and he admits theyve had eachother on instagram for a few years but its always been surface level convo. I asked to what extent and he looks uncomfortable and says well its off/on but nothing deep, and theyve never met in person. I said ok, well i dont care for the past, but if im flying to see someone, im hoping were focusing on eachother to grow our connection. He said we should 'sleep on it' before booking flights. We end the call and I don't hear anything the next day from him, even though I messaged him twice (one goodmorning text and a second text asking him to be transparent and appreciating any communication from his end). Late at night I get a text from him saying that he needed time to think things over and he doesnt feel any better about the situation after our convo. I am so confused. He has been silent and unresponsive since. I asked my distant friend (the mutual follower) and she said thing same he said, casual instagram convos.
What the HECK is going on? Why would he chase me for so long, only to pull back all of a sudden? I didn't think our mutual follower conversation was an issue, but maybe there is something I dont know? Or maybe he wants to pursue multiple people even though he said he wants a serious relationship now? I am so confused. Am I naive and not reading between the lines?
Tldr; guy chases me for 1.5yrs, when i give him a chance, he ghosts me after questioning a mutual instagram follower
submitted by savethecoralreefs to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Over the course of 1.5yrs, he would frequently comment on my instagram, send me texts just checking in, basically trying to get back to dating eachother. He knew where I stood, I dont play games or lead anyone on, I'm very transparent but said he 'doesn't give up on what he wants' and im his dream girl and blah blah (the usual stuff guys say to get you hooked).
A few weeks ago, he reached out again emphasizing he wants a serious relationship and I need to give him a chance, and I finally decided to open up my heart and give this a second chance. Since he came to my city last time, I decided I will fly to him and we can spend quality time together.
Everything was going great until we get on facetime to book flights and i casually ask how he knows one of our mutual instagram follower (a distant friend of mine) and he admits theyve had eachother on instagram for a few years but its always been surface level convo. I asked to what extent and he looks uncomfortable and says well its off/on but nothing deep, and theyve never met in person. I said ok, well i dont care for the past, but if im flying to see someone, im hoping were focusing on eachother to grow our connection. He said we should 'sleep on it' before booking flights. We end the call and I don't hear anything the next day from him, even though I messaged him twice (one goodmorning text and a second text asking him to be transparent and appreciating any communication from his end). Late at night I get a text from him saying that he needed time to think things over and he doesnt feel any better about the situation after our convo. I am so confused. He has been silent and unresponsive since. I asked my distant friend (the mutual follower) and she said thing same he said, casual instagram convos.
What the HECK is going on? Why would he chase me for so long, only to pull back all of a sudden? I didn't think our mutual follower conversation was an issue, but maybe there is something I dont know? Or maybe he wants to pursue multiple people even though he said he wants a serious relationship now? I am so confused. Am I naive and not reading between the lines?
Tldr; guy chases me for 1.5yrs, when i give him a chance, he ghosts me after questioning a mutual instagram follower
2024.05.15 18:14 ImaMasterDebator Good afternoon Boston, I am back with a list of things to do this weekend - May 16th - 19th
At popular request you can now get this as a newsletter. Sign up and help support these posts!
My friend Yan is putting on a comedy show at Cloud & Spirits this Thursday. Tickets are limited; go check it out I promise you'll have fun.
Red Sox vs Rays @ Fenway Park @ 7:10PM
Asi Windâs Magic Show @ The Wilbur @ 7:30PM Being one of the most-watched magicians in the world, Asi Wind presents a new show where he pushes the limits of belief even further with unbelievable mind-reading and astonishing magic.
Candlelight: A Tribute to Adele in Concert @ Temple Ohabei Shalom @ 7PM / 9PM
Marc Martel & One Vision of Queen Concert @ Symphony Hall @ 7:30PM The Pops will rock you when Marc Martel brings the iconic anthems of Queen to Symphony Hall.
Diana Ross @ Wang Theatre @ 7:30PM See the iconic and legendary Diana Ross perform the hits that have defined her career.
Cooper Alan @ Paradise Rock Club @ 8PM With Thomas Mac
Lords of Acid @ Brighton Music Hall @ 6:30PM
Ben Beal @ City Winery @ 7:30PM
Madeleine Peyroux @ The Wilbur @ 8PM
Neil Young & Crazy Horse @ Xfinity Center @ 7:30PM
Wild Child @ Paradise Rock Club @ 8PM
Soen @ Brighton Music Hall @ 8PM
Tye Tribbett and Friends @ Orpheum Theatre @ 7:30PM
Galantis @ Big Night Live @ 9:30PM
Hermanos Gutiérrez @ Royale @ 6PM
Tinlicker @ Royale @ 10PM
Buck Meek of Big Thief @ Crystal Ballroom @ 8PM
Anders Osborne Trio @ City Winery @ 7:30PM
Revolution vs Philadelphia Union @ Gillette Stadium @ 7:30PM
Dancing on the Charles @ Marsh Post #442 @ 3PM Montreal deep house DJ Fred Everything headlines this marathon outdoor dance party, running from late afternoon into the night.
Ales & Tales @ Stone Zoo @ 5:30PM Walk on the wild side while enjoying local craft beverages. This popular beer tasting event is a favorite among animal and beer lovers alike!
Kite & Bike Festival @ Franklin Park @ 12PM This Boston tradition brings families together to enjoy picnicking, kite flying, bicycles & music.
Ongoing - Artisan Market @ Rose Kennedy Greenway @ 11AM
Kevin James Comedy Show @ Chevalier Theatre @ 4:30PM / 7:30PM
Jimmy Failla Comedy Show @ Shubert Theatre @ 8PM
âEncantoâ in Concert @ Symphony Hall @ 2PM Disneyâs Academy Award-winning film comes to life in a concert event, featuring the entire feature-length film with a full orchestra performing the score.
The String Cheese Incident @ MGM Music Hall @ 7:15PM
Robyn Schall Stand Up @ The Wilbur @ 7PM
Sorry Papi @ House of Blues @ 9PM
James Arthur @ Roadrunner @ 8PM With Forest Blakk
The Music of Talking Heads & More for Kids @ Paradise Rock Club @ 11AM *Presented by The Rock and Roll Playhouse
Orgy + COLD @ Brighton Music Hall @ 8PM
Gimme Gimme Disco @ Big Night Live @ 5:30PM
Arty @ Big Night Live @ 10:30PM
The Messthetics and James Brandon Lewis @ Crystal Ballroom @ 8PM
Chris Smither + Peter Mulvey @ City Winery @ 7:30PM
Kite Festival @ Revere Beach Kick off beach season with a fun day for the whole family complete with build-your-own kite stations, professional kite flyers, live music, and other activities!
Ongoing - Open Market @ SoWa @ 11AM One of the largest open-air farmer and artist markets returns this summer season!
âDropoutsâ Podcast Live @ Paradise Rock Club @ 7PM Come see internet stars Zach Justice, Tara Yummy & Jared Bailey discuss latest hot topics, celebrity gossip, and personal dramas live!
Electric Callboy @ MGM Music Hall @ 7PM
Deko @ Brighton Music Hall @ 7PM With Yameii
Mk.gee @ The Sinclair @ 7:30PM
Guppy @ The Rockwell @ 7:30PM
Big Bad Voodoo Daddy @ The Wilbur @ 7PM
Compaq Big Band @ City Winery @ 7:30PM
FRIDAY & SATURDAY - Zach Brazao Stand Up @ Nickâs Comedy Stop @ 8PM
SATURDAY & SUNDAY - âBlueyâs Big Playâ Show @ Wang Theatre âBlueyâs Big Playâ is a brand-new theatrical adaptation of the Emmy award-winning childrenâs television series featuring new music and new character adventures.
All weekend - Jukebox The Ghost @ The Sinclair @ 8PM
All weekend - Nantucket Wine & Food Festival Enjoy food and drinks tastings, seminars, brunches, and parties as the annual festival uncorks the island for the summer!
All weekend -âHallyu Hits: Korean Films that Moved the World @ MFA See the best of Korean cinema including âOldboy,â âParasites,â and âBurning.â
All weekend - âSpring Experienceâ Ballet @ Citizens Bank Opera House LAST CHANCE - Explore Boston Balletâs dynamic and captivating Spring program composed of three masterful ballets featuring classical and modern dance elements.
All weekend - âBABYBABYBABYâ Dance Performance @ Calderwood Pavilion This contemporary dance production taps into the feeling of falling in love and reflects on the human impulse for connection and intimacy.
All weekend - âA Strange Loopâ Musical @ Wimberly Theatre Winner of Pulitzer Prize and a Tony Award, Michael R. Jacksonâs blisteringly funny masterwork exposes the heart and soul of a young Black artist grappling with desires, identity, and instincts he both loves and loathes.
All weekend - âJersey Boysâ Musical @ North Shore Music Theatre LAST CHANCE - Featuring legendary hits, this award-winning musical tells the behind-the-scenes drama of the international sensation boy band The Four Seasons.
All weekend - âToni Stoneâ Play @ The Huntington Theatre The Huntingtonâs season finale is a beautiful, rich portrait of a trailblazing woman. Follow the inspiring and life-affirming story of baseball legend Toni Stone.
All weekend - âRomeo and Julietâ Play @ Calderwood Pavilion Brought to life by Actorsâ Shakespeare Project, Shakespeareâs most famous duo return in a flurry of forbidden love, exhilarating fight scenes, and tragic fate.
All weekend - âMermaid Hourâ Play @ Arrow Street Arts LAST CHANCE - Fast-paced, funny, and heartfelt, âMermaid Hourâ follows two parents and their trans teen kid as they all seek to understand who they are and who they wish to be.
Ongoing - Musical Shows @ MoS Planetarium Museum of Science puts on special experiences adapting the music of Pink Floyd, Rihanna, Beyoncé, and The Divas to immersive visuals in the Charles Hayden Planetarium.
Ongoing - âFirelei BĂĄezâ Exhibition @ ICA One of the most exciting painters of her generation, BĂĄez explores the multilayered legacy of colonial histories and the African diaspora in the Caribbean and beyond.
Ongoing - âWordplayâ Exhibition @ ICA Highlighting the rich interplay between imagery and text, the exhibition showcases how contemporary artists have played with words to animate and expand their art practices.
Ongoing - âHallyu! The Korean Waveâ Exhibition @ MFA Enjoy an immersive and multisensory journey through Koreaâs fascinating history, and celebrate its contemporary vibrant creative force.
Ongoing - âDress Upâ Exhibition @ MFA Through more than 100 works from the MFAâs collection including 20th- and 21st-century clothing, jewelry, accessories, illustrations, and photographs, this exhibition explores adornment and its role in the creation of a look.
Ongoing - âComrade Sisters: Women of the Black Panther Partyâ Exhibition @ MFA This exhibition brings together 27 powerful photographs by Stephen Shames that feature the women of the Black Panther party and showcase their crucial work for the movement.
Ongoing - âThinking Small: Dutch Art to Scaleâ Exhibition @ MFA Featuring 15 intriguing objects from 17th-century Netherlands such as paintings, prints, silver medals, and books, this exhibition compels viewers to reconsider their relationship to the world around them.
Ongoing - âRaqib Shaw: Ballads of East and Westâ Exhibition @ ISG Museum Shawâs images of magic and mystery combine Western artistic tradition with ornamental elements derived from the Japanese, Persian, and Indian cultures that he vividly remembers from his youth.
Ongoing - âPicasso: War, Combat, and Revolutionâ Exhibition @ Harvard Art Museums The exhibition explores the dictator Francisco Francoâs Spain, imagery of death, struggles of good and evil, political and artistic revolution, and issues of desire and capture.
Ongoing - âOur Time on Earthâ Exhibition @ Peabody Essex Museum This traveling exhibition from the Barbican Centre in London celebrates the power of global creativity to transform the conversation around the climate emergency.
Ongoing - âAI: Mind the Gapâ Exhibition @ MIT Museum MIT Museum presents its latest riveting, interactive exhibit exploring the tremendous promise, unforeseen impacts, and everyday misconceptions of AI.
submitted by ImaMasterDebator to boston [link] [comments]
My friend Yan is putting on a comedy show at Cloud & Spirits this Thursday. Tickets are limited; go check it out I promise you'll have fun.
THURSDAY - MAY 16
Tapered Expectations XXI: "Above the Clouds" - A Standup Comedy Event @ Cloud & Spirits @ 7PM Acquired Taste Comedy is back at Cloud & Spirits with another signature Standup Comedy Event. Catch a carefully curated selection of the area's funniest comics along with a special musical guest at a breathtaking cocktail bar in Central Square!Red Sox vs Rays @ Fenway Park @ 7:10PM
Asi Windâs Magic Show @ The Wilbur @ 7:30PM Being one of the most-watched magicians in the world, Asi Wind presents a new show where he pushes the limits of belief even further with unbelievable mind-reading and astonishing magic.
Candlelight: A Tribute to Adele in Concert @ Temple Ohabei Shalom @ 7PM / 9PM
Marc Martel & One Vision of Queen Concert @ Symphony Hall @ 7:30PM The Pops will rock you when Marc Martel brings the iconic anthems of Queen to Symphony Hall.
Diana Ross @ Wang Theatre @ 7:30PM See the iconic and legendary Diana Ross perform the hits that have defined her career.
Cooper Alan @ Paradise Rock Club @ 8PM With Thomas Mac
Lords of Acid @ Brighton Music Hall @ 6:30PM
Ben Beal @ City Winery @ 7:30PM
FRIDAY - MAY 17
Bruins vs Panthers @ TD GardenMadeleine Peyroux @ The Wilbur @ 8PM
Neil Young & Crazy Horse @ Xfinity Center @ 7:30PM
Wild Child @ Paradise Rock Club @ 8PM
Soen @ Brighton Music Hall @ 8PM
Tye Tribbett and Friends @ Orpheum Theatre @ 7:30PM
Galantis @ Big Night Live @ 9:30PM
Hermanos Gutiérrez @ Royale @ 6PM
Tinlicker @ Royale @ 10PM
Buck Meek of Big Thief @ Crystal Ballroom @ 8PM
Anders Osborne Trio @ City Winery @ 7:30PM
SATURDAY - MAY 18
Watertown Porchfest @ Watertown @ All dayRevolution vs Philadelphia Union @ Gillette Stadium @ 7:30PM
Dancing on the Charles @ Marsh Post #442 @ 3PM Montreal deep house DJ Fred Everything headlines this marathon outdoor dance party, running from late afternoon into the night.
Ales & Tales @ Stone Zoo @ 5:30PM Walk on the wild side while enjoying local craft beverages. This popular beer tasting event is a favorite among animal and beer lovers alike!
Kite & Bike Festival @ Franklin Park @ 12PM This Boston tradition brings families together to enjoy picnicking, kite flying, bicycles & music.
Ongoing - Artisan Market @ Rose Kennedy Greenway @ 11AM
Kevin James Comedy Show @ Chevalier Theatre @ 4:30PM / 7:30PM
Jimmy Failla Comedy Show @ Shubert Theatre @ 8PM
âEncantoâ in Concert @ Symphony Hall @ 2PM Disneyâs Academy Award-winning film comes to life in a concert event, featuring the entire feature-length film with a full orchestra performing the score.
The String Cheese Incident @ MGM Music Hall @ 7:15PM
Robyn Schall Stand Up @ The Wilbur @ 7PM
Sorry Papi @ House of Blues @ 9PM
James Arthur @ Roadrunner @ 8PM With Forest Blakk
The Music of Talking Heads & More for Kids @ Paradise Rock Club @ 11AM *Presented by The Rock and Roll Playhouse
Orgy + COLD @ Brighton Music Hall @ 8PM
Gimme Gimme Disco @ Big Night Live @ 5:30PM
Arty @ Big Night Live @ 10:30PM
The Messthetics and James Brandon Lewis @ Crystal Ballroom @ 8PM
Chris Smither + Peter Mulvey @ City Winery @ 7:30PM
SUNDAY - MAY 19
Celtics vs Cavaliers @ TD GardenKite Festival @ Revere Beach Kick off beach season with a fun day for the whole family complete with build-your-own kite stations, professional kite flyers, live music, and other activities!
Ongoing - Open Market @ SoWa @ 11AM One of the largest open-air farmer and artist markets returns this summer season!
âDropoutsâ Podcast Live @ Paradise Rock Club @ 7PM Come see internet stars Zach Justice, Tara Yummy & Jared Bailey discuss latest hot topics, celebrity gossip, and personal dramas live!
Electric Callboy @ MGM Music Hall @ 7PM
Deko @ Brighton Music Hall @ 7PM With Yameii
Mk.gee @ The Sinclair @ 7:30PM
Guppy @ The Rockwell @ 7:30PM
Big Bad Voodoo Daddy @ The Wilbur @ 7PM
Compaq Big Band @ City Winery @ 7:30PM
ALL WEEKEND
FRIDAY & SATURDAY - Amanda Seales Stand Up @ Laugh BostonFRIDAY & SATURDAY - Zach Brazao Stand Up @ Nickâs Comedy Stop @ 8PM
SATURDAY & SUNDAY - âBlueyâs Big Playâ Show @ Wang Theatre âBlueyâs Big Playâ is a brand-new theatrical adaptation of the Emmy award-winning childrenâs television series featuring new music and new character adventures.
All weekend - Jukebox The Ghost @ The Sinclair @ 8PM
All weekend - Nantucket Wine & Food Festival Enjoy food and drinks tastings, seminars, brunches, and parties as the annual festival uncorks the island for the summer!
All weekend -âHallyu Hits: Korean Films that Moved the World @ MFA See the best of Korean cinema including âOldboy,â âParasites,â and âBurning.â
All weekend - âSpring Experienceâ Ballet @ Citizens Bank Opera House LAST CHANCE - Explore Boston Balletâs dynamic and captivating Spring program composed of three masterful ballets featuring classical and modern dance elements.
All weekend - âBABYBABYBABYâ Dance Performance @ Calderwood Pavilion This contemporary dance production taps into the feeling of falling in love and reflects on the human impulse for connection and intimacy.
All weekend - âA Strange Loopâ Musical @ Wimberly Theatre Winner of Pulitzer Prize and a Tony Award, Michael R. Jacksonâs blisteringly funny masterwork exposes the heart and soul of a young Black artist grappling with desires, identity, and instincts he both loves and loathes.
All weekend - âJersey Boysâ Musical @ North Shore Music Theatre LAST CHANCE - Featuring legendary hits, this award-winning musical tells the behind-the-scenes drama of the international sensation boy band The Four Seasons.
All weekend - âToni Stoneâ Play @ The Huntington Theatre The Huntingtonâs season finale is a beautiful, rich portrait of a trailblazing woman. Follow the inspiring and life-affirming story of baseball legend Toni Stone.
All weekend - âRomeo and Julietâ Play @ Calderwood Pavilion Brought to life by Actorsâ Shakespeare Project, Shakespeareâs most famous duo return in a flurry of forbidden love, exhilarating fight scenes, and tragic fate.
All weekend - âMermaid Hourâ Play @ Arrow Street Arts LAST CHANCE - Fast-paced, funny, and heartfelt, âMermaid Hourâ follows two parents and their trans teen kid as they all seek to understand who they are and who they wish to be.
ONGOING
Ongoing - Immersive Disney Animation @ Boch Center Step into the art and legacy of Walt Disney Animation Studios and celebrate the music, artistry and animation from the creators of Frozen, The Little Mermaid, Big Hero 6 and many more.Ongoing - Musical Shows @ MoS Planetarium Museum of Science puts on special experiences adapting the music of Pink Floyd, Rihanna, Beyoncé, and The Divas to immersive visuals in the Charles Hayden Planetarium.
Ongoing - âFirelei BĂĄezâ Exhibition @ ICA One of the most exciting painters of her generation, BĂĄez explores the multilayered legacy of colonial histories and the African diaspora in the Caribbean and beyond.
Ongoing - âWordplayâ Exhibition @ ICA Highlighting the rich interplay between imagery and text, the exhibition showcases how contemporary artists have played with words to animate and expand their art practices.
Ongoing - âHallyu! The Korean Waveâ Exhibition @ MFA Enjoy an immersive and multisensory journey through Koreaâs fascinating history, and celebrate its contemporary vibrant creative force.
Ongoing - âDress Upâ Exhibition @ MFA Through more than 100 works from the MFAâs collection including 20th- and 21st-century clothing, jewelry, accessories, illustrations, and photographs, this exhibition explores adornment and its role in the creation of a look.
Ongoing - âComrade Sisters: Women of the Black Panther Partyâ Exhibition @ MFA This exhibition brings together 27 powerful photographs by Stephen Shames that feature the women of the Black Panther party and showcase their crucial work for the movement.
Ongoing - âThinking Small: Dutch Art to Scaleâ Exhibition @ MFA Featuring 15 intriguing objects from 17th-century Netherlands such as paintings, prints, silver medals, and books, this exhibition compels viewers to reconsider their relationship to the world around them.
Ongoing - âRaqib Shaw: Ballads of East and Westâ Exhibition @ ISG Museum Shawâs images of magic and mystery combine Western artistic tradition with ornamental elements derived from the Japanese, Persian, and Indian cultures that he vividly remembers from his youth.
Ongoing - âPicasso: War, Combat, and Revolutionâ Exhibition @ Harvard Art Museums The exhibition explores the dictator Francisco Francoâs Spain, imagery of death, struggles of good and evil, political and artistic revolution, and issues of desire and capture.
Ongoing - âOur Time on Earthâ Exhibition @ Peabody Essex Museum This traveling exhibition from the Barbican Centre in London celebrates the power of global creativity to transform the conversation around the climate emergency.
Ongoing - âAI: Mind the Gapâ Exhibition @ MIT Museum MIT Museum presents its latest riveting, interactive exhibit exploring the tremendous promise, unforeseen impacts, and everyday misconceptions of AI.
2024.05.15 18:10 Shot-Walrus2788 My husband cheated on me with his high school teacher
My husband has a weird obsession with his high school teacher. He is (25 m)and I am 23(f). We are a transgender couple and both identify as the opposite gender we were assigned at birth. And slept with him in the past before I knew my husband. I knew this going into the relationship. But they hadnât talked and a while and he was so loving and caring that I overlooked it and didnât affect us at all other than he talked about him all the time at first. A few months back he started to talk to him again. Which bothered me some because my husband is obsessed with him and they have slept together before . I have met and never trusted this teacher. My husband even introduced us one time and the teacher pressured me to drink and got me and my husband drunk and lured him to his bedroom. He got on top on my husband and made advancements on him. I was drunk and angry and ended up hitting him in the face and we left. My husband continued to talk to him through calls and text after that night even when I asked him to stop . Well I was suspicious and read their text messages one morning. And what I saw shattered my heart . My husband offered to sleep with his old teacher . Not just that but offered me up to him to join them in like a threesome since the teacher also finds me really attractive and has made sexual comments about my body many times. And calls me hot all the time apparently. I confronted my husband about it and he tried to make up lies and excuses for it but he knew he was caught red handed. I almost left him but couldnât bring myself to do it . I figured it wasnât physical cheating so I should just give him another chance . Especially since heâs never done anything like this before. I also feel like I should mention that my husband is diagnosed with an obsession disorder. I donât know if that excuses the actions or not . So I begged him to stop talking to him to and he refused to stop saying he canât make himself do it because of his mental illness. But whatâs worse is that when I got depressed from it and just wanted to sleep a lot after I found the messages for like a month . He got mad at me for being super depressed and just wanting to sleep and I told him why I was sad . And we talked about it few times . And on two different occasions he looked me in the eyes and told me he loves both of us!! I donât like that I have to share my husbandâs heart with someone else! Also o should also mention that the teacher has charges against him for grooming and trying to sleep with one of his stu who are underage and is currently doing court stuff with that!! My husband later said he didnât mean any of it and that at the time he was just mentally sick . The teacher moved away due to the charges to get away from the town but my husband still talks to him through calls and texts even after begging him to stop. I donât know if I should leave him for not respecting me or my marriage? What do yall think I should do?
submitted by Shot-Walrus2788 to cheating_stories [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 18:10 adulting4kids Wisdom of Solomon Deep Dive Study
As I mentioned in a post earlier today, I have decided to embark on the religious studies journey by preparing a special study guided series of self paced dynamic verse by verse incredibly high level of studies in secular and spiritual development of the world cultural and religious traditions that's going to include numerous types of sources texts from every single type of practice I can unearth thanks for the Good old Google and Bing research resources.
This started with the Gnostic texts and the Dead Sea Scrolls with the Gospel of Thomas and the Book of Enoch. It has been a few weeks and I have literally gotten so far ahead of myself that it seems like I am overdue and overwhelmed by such an amazing task. This is why I am not sure if I should really be posting it but if not here, I would not know where to ask for advice and feedback and guidance and editing and moral support and even research assistance and input from anyone whose willing to assist in any capacity.
There's nothing to do except process the questions and help with the commentary and limitations of this format and the hope that there might be at least ONE human being that's interested in similar things that's willing to help in whatever capacity they can....
I had plans of trying to make it easier for everyone by trying to finish at least one full text before posting others, but I don't think it's possible because I keep going from different ones back to these then to those then back to that regardless of the fact that I am confused and staring to get burned out before I get started....
So I have changed my mind about finishing up one to present for the group and will simply be posting some daily stuff for your input and feedback. I'm not trying to make you convert to any faith as these guides will cover every single type of practice eventually.
Today is Wisdom of Solomon day so I have to unpack my own stuff here and I have no real formal plans yet for how to present it all, that is based solely on the fact that I am also doing this for my own spiritual growth and development and so there's no formal plans for publication as a project yet....
Anyway this is a basic overview of how I have been working on my project and I love the fact that you still might be reading after that long winded meandering message!
WISDOM OF SOLOMON
Wisdom of Solomon Outline:
Chapter 1, Verse 1:
"Love righteousness, you rulers of the earth. Think of the Lord with goodness, and seek him with sincerity of heart."
Themes:
Reflect on a historical or contemporary leader who exemplifies the principles outlined in this verse. Discuss how their commitment to righteousness and sincere seeking of higher principles impacted their leadership.
đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ« Chapter 1, Verse 2:
"For he will be found by those who do not put him to the test, and manifests himself to those who do not distrust him."
Themes:
Explore historical or biblical narratives where individuals either demonstrated unwavering trust in the divine or faced challenges due to testing God. Discuss the outcomes and lessons learned from these narratives.
đđđđđđđđđđđđđđđ Chapter 1, Verse 3:
"For perverse thoughts separate people from God, and when his power is tested, it exposes the foolish."
Themes:
Explore historical or literary examples where characters or individuals faced consequences due to perverse thoughts or the testing of authority. Discuss the broader moral lessons conveyed in these narratives. đȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘ
Chapter 1, Verse 4:
"For wisdom will not enter a deceitful soul, nor dwell in a body enslaved to sin."
Themes:
Analyze a historical or literary character who experienced a transformation from deceitful or sinful behavior to a more virtuous state. Discuss the role of wisdom in this transformation and the impact on the character's life.
đ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïž
Chapter 1, Verse 5: "For the holy spirit of discipline will flee deceit and will leave deceitful thoughts behind, and will be ashamed at the approach of unrighteousness."
Themes:
Explore religious or philosophical texts that discuss the concept of divine discipline and its role in guiding individuals towards righteousness. Discuss the similarities or differences with the Wisdom of Solomon.
I will stop here since it's already overwhelming long and I have been working today up to the end of Chapter One just with Wisdom of Solomon.
I will post the Book of Enoch stuff later on which is already much more in depth with the commentary and study materials and I think that it's coming along nicely. This is just beginning so I figured it was a good skeleton to illustrate where I start off then I will give a much better clue đïžđïžđïžđïžđïž to where it's headed later today when I can format the Enoch stuff for posting.
Thanks in advance for checking it out and please don't hesitate to repost in places that might help out in their own ways, even if it's to roast the hell out of me (no pun intended, if that's even a pun!)
submitted by adulting4kids to writingthruit [link] [comments]
This started with the Gnostic texts and the Dead Sea Scrolls with the Gospel of Thomas and the Book of Enoch. It has been a few weeks and I have literally gotten so far ahead of myself that it seems like I am overdue and overwhelmed by such an amazing task. This is why I am not sure if I should really be posting it but if not here, I would not know where to ask for advice and feedback and guidance and editing and moral support and even research assistance and input from anyone whose willing to assist in any capacity.
There's nothing to do except process the questions and help with the commentary and limitations of this format and the hope that there might be at least ONE human being that's interested in similar things that's willing to help in whatever capacity they can....
I had plans of trying to make it easier for everyone by trying to finish at least one full text before posting others, but I don't think it's possible because I keep going from different ones back to these then to those then back to that regardless of the fact that I am confused and staring to get burned out before I get started....
So I have changed my mind about finishing up one to present for the group and will simply be posting some daily stuff for your input and feedback. I'm not trying to make you convert to any faith as these guides will cover every single type of practice eventually.
Today is Wisdom of Solomon day so I have to unpack my own stuff here and I have no real formal plans yet for how to present it all, that is based solely on the fact that I am also doing this for my own spiritual growth and development and so there's no formal plans for publication as a project yet....
Anyway this is a basic overview of how I have been working on my project and I love the fact that you still might be reading after that long winded meandering message!
WISDOM OF SOLOMON
Wisdom of Solomon Outline:
- Introduction (Chapters 1-6):
- Addressing rulers and kings
- The pursuit and benefits of wisdom
- Reflections on divine wisdom
- Wisdom in History (Chapters 7-9):
- Solomon's request for wisdom
- Wisdom's role in various historical events
- Contemplation on divine attributes
- Wisdom and Idolatry (Chapters 10-11):
- God's guidance in history
- Consequences of idolatry
- Divine justice and mercy
- Divine Wisdom vs. Human Wisdom (Chapters 12-15):
- God's protection of Israel
- Contrasting divine wisdom with human folly
- Punishment for wrongdoing
- God's Just Providence (Chapters 16-19):
- God's interventions in history
- Divine providence and care for Israel
- Consequences of disobedience
- Wisdom as a Guide (Chapters 20-21):
- Moral lessons from history
- The role of wisdom in human life
- The contrast between the righteous and the wicked
- Call to Righteousness (Chapters 22-24):
- The importance of following wisdom
- Wisdom's divine origins
- The benefits of embracing wisdom
- Symbolism:
- Explore the symbolic meanings of key elements in the text, such as wisdom, righteousness, and folly.
- Analyze the metaphors used to convey deeper spiritual and moral truths.
- Historical and Secular Context:
- Investigate the historical context of the Wisdom of Solomon, considering the cultural and political milieu of the time.
- Examine secular perspectives on the text, noting its influence on philosophy and ethics beyond religious contexts.
- Esoteric Wisdom:
- Uncover esoteric or hidden wisdom within the text, delving into allegorical interpretations and hidden meanings.
- Explore how esoteric knowledge is conveyed and its significance for those seeking deeper spiritual understanding.
- Theological Implications:
- Discuss the theological themes present in the Wisdom of Solomon, such as divine justice, mercy, and the nature of God.
- Examine how these theological concepts align or differ with other religious traditions and theological perspectives.
- Spiritual Development:
- Identify the types of individuals mentioned in the text and explore how their engagement with wisdom contributes to their spiritual development.
- Discuss the transformative journey depicted in the Wisdom of Solomon and its implications for readers seeking spiritual growth.
- Exercise: Analyze a specific passage from the Wisdom of Solomon, discussing its symbolism and how it relates to broader themes in the text.
- Activity: Compare a selected verse from the Wisdom of Solomon with a similar concept or teaching from a secular philosophical work.
- Reading: Explore relevant passages from apocryphal texts or the Dead Sea Scrolls to identify common themes with the Wisdom of Solomon.
- Example: Provide a case study of an individual or community applying the wisdom found in the text to navigate a moral or ethical dilemma.
Chapter 1, Verse 1:
"Love righteousness, you rulers of the earth. Think of the Lord with goodness, and seek him with sincerity of heart."
Themes:
- Symbolism:
- The call to "love righteousness" symbolizes the importance of moral and just leadership.
- "Seeking the Lord with sincerity" symbolizes a genuine and wholehearted pursuit of divine wisdom.
- Historical and Secular Context:
- The address to rulers reflects the historical context of addressing leaders, emphasizing the moral responsibilities of governance.
- The concept of seeking God's guidance resonates with broader ethical teachings in various cultural and philosophical traditions.
- Esoteric Wisdom:
- The verse hints at esoteric wisdom by emphasizing the inner disposition of rulers and their connection to divine principles.
- Explore hidden meanings within the call to righteousness and sincere seeking of God.
- Theological Implications:
- The theological implications involve the relationship between righteousness and divine favor, highlighting the importance of ethical conduct.
- Consider how this aligns with or challenges theological perspectives from other religious traditions.
- Spiritual Development:
- Rulers are encouraged to grow spiritually by cultivating a love for righteousness, suggesting that moral development is integral to leadership.
- Reflect on how individuals in positions of authority can spiritually evolve through ethical governance.
Reflect on a historical or contemporary leader who exemplifies the principles outlined in this verse. Discuss how their commitment to righteousness and sincere seeking of higher principles impacted their leadership.
đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ«đ« Chapter 1, Verse 2:
"For he will be found by those who do not put him to the test, and manifests himself to those who do not distrust him."
Themes:
- Symbolism:
- The idea that God is found by those "who do not put him to the test" symbolizes a call for genuine faith and trust.
- "Manifesting to those who do not distrust him" suggests the importance of a sincere and unwavering relationship with the divine.
- Historical and Secular Context:
- The notion of not putting God to the test reflects a biblical caution against demanding miraculous signs.
- Explore how this concept aligns with or differs from testing or seeking evidence in secular and philosophical contexts.
- Esoteric Wisdom:
- The verse implies esoteric wisdom by emphasizing the subtleties of divine manifestation, which may require a certain disposition or spiritual state.
- Discuss the deeper meaning of finding God through trust and the absence of doubt.
- Theological Implications:
- The theological implication is a call for genuine faith and trust in God's presence.
- Consider theological discussions on faith, trust, and divine revelation within the context of different religious traditions.
- Spiritual Development:
- This verse suggests that spiritual development involves cultivating a trusting relationship with the divine, rather than testing or doubting.
- Reflect on how trust in the divine can contribute to an individual's spiritual journey.
Explore historical or biblical narratives where individuals either demonstrated unwavering trust in the divine or faced challenges due to testing God. Discuss the outcomes and lessons learned from these narratives.
đđđđđđđđđđđđđđđ Chapter 1, Verse 3:
"For perverse thoughts separate people from God, and when his power is tested, it exposes the foolish."
Themes:
- Symbolism:
- "Perverse thoughts" symbolize moral and spiritual deviation, highlighting the impact of one's inner disposition on the relationship with God.
- The testing of God's power symbolizes a lack of trust and reveals the foolishness of such attempts.
- Historical and Secular Context:
- Explore historical instances or secular examples where moral or perverse thoughts led to a separation from higher principles or values.
- Consider how the testing of authority or power is viewed in different historical and philosophical contexts.
- Esoteric Wisdom:
- The verse implies esoteric wisdom by emphasizing the spiritual consequences of perverse thoughts and the folly of testing divine power.
- Delve into the hidden meanings of "separation from God" and the exposure of foolishness.
- Theological Implications:
- Theologically, the verse underscores the impact of moral choices on the relationship with the divine.
- Discuss theological perspectives on the consequences of moral deviation and the testing of God's power.
- Spiritual Development:
- This verse suggests that spiritual development involves guarding against perverse thoughts and avoiding attempts to test or challenge divine power.
- Reflect on how individuals can cultivate a mindset that fosters a closer relationship with the divine.
Explore historical or literary examples where characters or individuals faced consequences due to perverse thoughts or the testing of authority. Discuss the broader moral lessons conveyed in these narratives. đȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘđȘ
Chapter 1, Verse 4:
"For wisdom will not enter a deceitful soul, nor dwell in a body enslaved to sin."
Themes:
- Symbolism:
- "Deceitful soul" symbolizes insincerity and moral duplicity, suggesting that wisdom requires authenticity.
- The idea of wisdom not dwelling in a "body enslaved to sin" symbolizes the incompatibility of wisdom with a morally compromised state.
- Historical and Secular Context:
- Explore historical or secular perspectives on the relationship between wisdom and personal integrity.
- Consider how different cultures and philosophical traditions view the role of wisdom in virtuous living.
- Esoteric Wisdom:
- The verse suggests esoteric wisdom by highlighting the spiritual prerequisites for the indwelling of wisdom.
- Reflect on the hidden qualities that make a soul receptive to wisdom and explore esoteric interpretations of the text.
- Theological Implications:
- Theologically, the verse emphasizes the alignment of the soul with moral principles as a condition for receiving wisdom.
- Discuss theological perspectives on the interplay between wisdom, virtue, and the state of the soul.
- Spiritual Development:
- This verse implies that spiritual development involves purifying the soul from deceit and sin to make it a suitable vessel for wisdom.
- Reflect on how individuals can actively work toward creating conditions for wisdom to flourish in their lives.
Analyze a historical or literary character who experienced a transformation from deceitful or sinful behavior to a more virtuous state. Discuss the role of wisdom in this transformation and the impact on the character's life.
đ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïžđ€ïž
Chapter 1, Verse 5: "For the holy spirit of discipline will flee deceit and will leave deceitful thoughts behind, and will be ashamed at the approach of unrighteousness."
Themes:
- Symbolism:
- "Holy spirit of discipline" symbolizes divine guidance and correction, emphasizing the transformative power of discipline.
- The departure of the holy spirit from deceitful thoughts symbolizes the incompatibility of divine guidance with moral compromise.
- Historical and Secular Context:
- Explore historical examples or secular perspectives on the role of discipline in personal and moral development.
- Consider how different cultures view the concept of a guiding and disciplining spirit.
- Esoteric Wisdom:
- The verse implies esoteric wisdom by linking discipline with the holy spirit and suggesting a spiritual transformation.
- Examine the deeper meanings of discipline and the spiritual consequences of deceit and unrighteousness.
- Theological Implications:
- Theologically, the verse underscores the role of the holy spirit in guiding individuals toward righteousness and away from deceit.
- Discuss theological perspectives on discipline, divine guidance, and the consequences of unrighteousness.
- Spiritual Development:
- This verse suggests that spiritual development involves embracing the discipline of the holy spirit and distancing oneself from deceit and unrighteousness.
- Reflect on how individuals can cultivate a receptive spirit for divine discipline in their journey of spiritual growth.
Explore religious or philosophical texts that discuss the concept of divine discipline and its role in guiding individuals towards righteousness. Discuss the similarities or differences with the Wisdom of Solomon.
I will stop here since it's already overwhelming long and I have been working today up to the end of Chapter One just with Wisdom of Solomon.
I will post the Book of Enoch stuff later on which is already much more in depth with the commentary and study materials and I think that it's coming along nicely. This is just beginning so I figured it was a good skeleton to illustrate where I start off then I will give a much better clue đïžđïžđïžđïžđïž to where it's headed later today when I can format the Enoch stuff for posting.
Thanks in advance for checking it out and please don't hesitate to repost in places that might help out in their own ways, even if it's to roast the hell out of me (no pun intended, if that's even a pun!)
2024.05.15 18:00 MaleficTekX Week 35 of Dracomancer Concepts as we approach the end: The Dracomancer Saga: Confrontation
 | Only 3-5 concepts remainâŠQuest opens in the forest with the Hero training with Veidos -Veidos: Excellent. You seem accustomed to the proper use of our art. -Hero: This⊠is less straining⊠but I donât want to do this to my Dragon. -Veidos: The amount of life you siphon is negligible. I should know. Half-dragons rely on their own life force for Dracomancy. Dragons already have extremely long life-spans, a few days, even years, is nothing to them. Hero simply looks down Bob the Wyvern flies up -Bob: Nyeeg. -Veidos: Hmm. -Hero: What is it? -Veidos: Your former teacher has been located. The wretch had the audacity to return to the ruins of Medrovia. I will go to confront him, and you will assist me⊠Apprentice. -Hero: Veidos! Veidos turns -Hero: After this is over, weâre done with this deal. -Veidos: ⊠Very well. Let us depart. Fade out and then back in to show Hero being carried by Bob while Veidos flies through the air -Hero: What exactly is your plan? Attack him again? -Veidos: ⊠-Hero: Veidos, at least let me try to talk with him. -Veidos: Human⊠you will tell none of the location of Medrovia, or I will personally hunt you down. -Hero: Veidos! Youâve already seen what he can do, you canât ignore that heâs a match for you. If you fight him again, itâs very likely youâll lose. Zino improved the entire time he was teaching me. He couldnât even morph his head when we first met, now he can mimic you completely. -Veidos: Last time his lake and tricks saved him. He wonât be able to dodge lightning again. -Hero: (whispering) Oh you sweet summer dragon. Fade out and back into the mouth of a cave in a mountainside -Veidos: Enter. -Hero: This is the entrance to Medrovia? -Veidos: Youâve been given clearance by me. Do not dare to disgrace any of the environment you find inside. You WILL assist me should I combat him. Enter Medrovia, the city is silver with long walkways and rectangular buildings, streams go down the sides of them, and statues of Dragons and Dracomancers are spread around the city. Walk around parts of the city, finding a library thatâs been ransacked, a training area thatâs been recently burned and clawed, a forge that has been recently used, a stream through the city that glows blue and restores your mana. Messages: The books of the archives have been raided. What is legible is torn and burnt from long ago. The training area bare recent burns and scratches. The forge is still rather hot⊠it has been used recently. Just being near the stream of water is healing your mana⊠oh no. Gazing at the statues makes you wonder just how grand this city once was.-End of messages Eventually youâll walk up the center into what appears to be a throne room. At the top is a statue of a man with its head missing, who cloaks themself in their dragon wings. Under it is a throne a dragon on the top. Zino sits in it, swinging his arm in boredom. -Zino: Oh? My apprentice! What brings you here? -Hero: Zino. Why did you and the Necromancer we fought come to this place? -Zino: ⊠I see. He was a student of Necro-U who I allied myself with to find this city. No archives I could find had any trace of Medrovia, but those of the Necromancerâs were old enough to include at least vague hints of its location. So, in exchange for my knowledge of Dracomancy, he offered the maps to find this place. Then we came here and found the archives. Most of its information was useless to me, as I had no Dragon to draw power from⊠âŠbut I was able to improvise and adapt. The Necromancer took the archives to try and make their own form of Dracomancy. We both know how that went. -Hero: So you knew what he was doing, and you let him? -Zino: Yes. I have no excuse. -Hero: You let him leave with the Dragon bones. You knew what he could do with them⊠and you let it happen⊠-Zino: I always had planned to deal with him. -Hero: âŠZino⊠Did you deal with him because of what he was doing, or because of the Dragon he had? -Zino: ⊠-Hero: Zino, youâre a DragonLord from DragonGrasp, so I know you have your heart in the right place⊠But I have to ask; why do this? Why even risk putting others in danger with that Necromancer?! -Zino: ⊠Because I wanted this. The ability of Dracomancy. -Hero: Why? -Zino: ⊠âMake of yourself what you will, be it to prove your prowess, or live your lifeâŠâ Before, I couldnât find the words to describe what I wish to do, but those seem to be exactly the ones I need. I sought out Dracomancy because I wanted to. If thereâs some underlying psychological or ego-driven reason, I donât care for it. I did it because I wanted to. That want drove me, and this is the result of it. That is all that matters to me. The path of student and teacher was never meant to be the same. -Hero: ⊠Well⊠you have it now, so now what will you do? -Zino: I thought about that⊠⊠I will mend the divide between man and Dragon. -Hero: What? -Zino: All transgressions, hostility, I will mend it, and bring about a new age. The Age of Dracomancy -Hero: Zino, thatâs much more difficult than youâre thinking it is. -Zino: My apprentice, Iâve already resurrected a dead art without any leads other than its existence. Iâve made my own version of it. And Iâve proved I can match the original version of it. Itâs not a matter of, âIFâ I can achieve my new goal, itâs simply, âHow long will it take?â -Hero: I donât think youâre a bad guy, Zino, but I think your ambitions are a little too grand. How far are you willing to go to achieve this new age exactly? Iâve met someone who tried to do something similar and she couldâve caused a lot of damage. She DID do a lot of damage. Zino smiling -Zino: I donât know. I canât have everything planned out. Zino materializes an Ice Blade out of Dragon Magic and plays with it. -Zino: But Iâll just adapt to what the situation requires when it happens. -Hero: I really donât like how relaxed you are about this situation. -Zino: That being said, I did plan this situation out. -Hero: What do you mean? Zino has an evil smile -Zino: Did you think I didnât notice your shadow? -Veidos: ! ENOUGH!Veidos flies into the room-Veidos: MISCHIEF BEYOND MISCHIEF!! You dare to use Lord Cyrusâ words to justify your perversion! You dare speak of yourself as some sort of Messiah!? You who desecrates, nay! VIOLATES such a sacred art! I see now why even the DragonLords abandoned you. You who couldnât even keep your own dragon from death! Zino has a cocky smile -Zino: Youâre trying to make me lose my composure. It wonât work. But I couldnât help but observe that when you saw me on this throne⊠Your Ice-blue skin was turning red. -Veidos: How dare you sit in that throne. The throne of Lord Cyrus! Your disrespect WILL be punished! -Zino: Well⊠Zino leans in Maybe Iâm just the next King of the Dracomancers. *The screen cuts in half to show Veidosâ raging face at the same time as Zinoâs cocky one. -Veidos: APPRENTICE!! Veidos rages and attacks Zino BOSS FIGHT: Fight Zino with Veidos and Bob in the background applying debuffs to Zino. Bob changes the temperature of the air, Zinoâs Boost is lowered! Bob creates a mist around you, Zinoâs Bonus is lowered Zino cools the temperature around him to reduce your All Resist Battle end Veidos knocks Zino away towards the stream in the city -Veidos: It is proven, just a cur who wishes to be king. Zino slightly lifts himself off the ground -Zino: (whispering) Yeah, three on one, good display of your individual talent, Brat. Zino holds an Dragon Magic IceBlade in his hand -Zino: (Whispering) -Veidos: Donât think I donât see that. Your heretical art dies with you. Veidos raises his sword, while Zino is still whispering -Hero: Veidos! No killing!! -Zino: Sorry to disappoint, that is not where this ends⊠Zino clashes the IceBlade with Veidosâ blade and the former breaks in slow motion, only a small dagger of it remains, blocking Veidos -Veidos: !? Zino is now smiling and leans into Veidosâ face in the clash -Zino: Can you keep dancing? The mana river stream behind Zino raises up and the scene goes black END QUEST [The path of student and teacher was never meant to be the same. That statement was burnt into your head, and the sonder feeling inspired you to manifest memories as strength. It makes you wonder, âHow far would you go if you had the strength?â] IceBlade skill unlocked REWARD: Torn Dracomancer Paper-IceBlade: Torn paper found in Medrovia. The writing upon it seems to be old, but under it is newer text; âIn my search to find our kinâs strength, Iâve reached a conclusion: perhaps one could sacrifice memories to gain strength. Is such a sacrifice even-â âI know what I must do, Kuraokami. I wonder, will anything be left when the time comes?â |
2024.05.15 17:55 Known-Evidence-9414 I finally stood up for myself against my so called "bestfriends"
Hey, so i first wanna say this is the first time im using reddit so sorry for any mistakes. English is also not my first language, so sorry for any misspellings! Anyway, so basically im in this friendgroup. At first in the beginning of this school year we all got along super well and no one was left out. During december i was diagnosed with autism. You'd probably think what that as to do with anything but when i told my bestfriends about it, they started acting different. Not immediatly but overtime. First, it started with them never liking my posts again or commenting. (i know thats not of a big deal but it was just one of the noticable things) than it started with the rude comments of teachers apperantly treating me different? i mean they kind of have to since my brain works other than the most kids. Than it started with rude comments.. about my looks, the way i acted, the way i laughed, what i was wearing, the way i smelled, the way i looked etc. Than they started hanging out without me when they told me they couldnt hangout cos they had to do something, but when i saw their stories they were together hanging out? now, i dont care if people dont want to hang out with me. just be honest with me. and thats what i said to them everytime they lie. but at some point, they only wanted to hangout with me if one of them wasnt their. as if i was just their backup friend. They would get mad at me when i didnt do something for them, They'd get mad at literally everything i did or even i DIDN'T do. See now, im not a confrontationel person. I do boxing but im really shy (at first) and i never argue with anyone. and when i do i fix it almost the same night. but 1 time when 1 of my friends werent there, i looked at my friends phone cos she was scrolling through the chat with our other friend. than i saw a sticker of my face. when i tell u my heart DROPPED. i know its probably not a big deal but it just made me feel betrayed or something like that. i told her to delete that straight up. she turned pale and started saying sorry and that our other friend made it. but than 1 time i saw a text of them saying: ''she wants us to delete the sticker but i still have them saved in our chat.'' and i was like, hell no. i texted my childhood bestfriend who's literally my life saver. she told a few of our other friends and they were LIVID. she walked with me to confront them while it was lunch break. now when i confront someone, (ive done it a few times cos a guy was being creepy towards my friend) i start shaking. like really bad. my legs, hand and voices start shaking. but with the other times i did my body never reacted like that. probably it was because i really cared for them and loved them. but it ended up in a shouting match. right infront of everyone in the school. I like to add im NOT a violent person. Id never hit someone without a reason. i have never hit someone outside my sports. this time wasnt any different. but my bestfriend on the other hand, does not take like it when their friends get treated like shit (i dont know how to word it) so when one of those girls called me an autistic attention wh*re and some other words i don't know how to translate in english. my bestfriend got so angry at that she punched the girl in her stomach and threw her to the ground and kicked her face, i immediatly holded her back because i dont want her getting into trouble because of me. the teachers were called and our parents etc. they were threatening to press charges against my bestfriend so i said I'd press charges too for making those stickers of me and sending ugly pics of me around. Now their saying to people that im a liar and that i never treated them right. but nobody believes them because everyone noticed how'd they always left me out. Im glad im not longer friends with them anymore though! I also moved schools.
submitted by Known-Evidence-9414 to u/Known-Evidence-9414 [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 17:53 Reasonable_Cream_719 I (28f) don't want to dismiss my boyfriend's needs (29m) but I feel like he remains upset over things to really intense levels and makes me seem like the only one at fault in conflict. How could I help him see he's acting unreasonably and/or convince him to try couples therapy with me?
I'm scared that I'm completely losing myself or being emotionally manipulated in my relationship. (1 yr together, known each other for 10). My partner (29 M) supports me in my self care & work & hobbies & loves to boost me up, but he also frequently tells me things I've done wrong. I'd always rather he be honest about his feelings, but i feel like it's very frequent. Something comes up at least twice a month where he says he doesn't feel listened to or valued or "like a partner" in our relationship and things blow up. This has happened for 3 months now. Before this i dated someone for 4 years who was very reserved, so I got used to feeling very needy - therefore, I have a lot of empathy for needing love and affection and I try to make his needs met. I have tried really hard to fix previous tangible concerns like letting him know when I'll be away from my phone for a while or making changes to not be late to things. We have had some really good strides where I've been able to tell him my needs more or own up to my small failings. But the last 72 hours have been a nightmare even with my growth and progress. I'm sorry this post is lengthy but I'll try my best to explain the current situation:
Sunday my bf slept through his brother coming to visit on accident. He woke up and texted me and said he was spiraling a bit about feeling bad about it and would be okay but just needed a "5" to show him I was there. (this is supposed to be a call back to us saying I love you 5 ever in the past)
I didn't see his text for 30 minutes and then told him l was soo sorry I didn't see this sooner and that I was really sorry he slept through his alarm and missed that, but his body must have needed rest. He said it's okay, it's just my brother.
We spoke for 40 minutes about mothers day and other stuff and then he said "hey you never sent a 5" and I said "oh shoot, 5". It then was shared that it really upset him that I hadn't read and replied to that part of his text. It made him feel not listened to, he said, that I chose to reply how I wanted instead of doing what he asked for. I apologized and also said sorry I didn't say a 5 sooner and that I wish I had seen his text and sent a 5 right away. He got upset that I was apologizing for not texting him right away. He said apologizing for the thing he's not even upset about (not replying for 30 minutes) takes away his agency and takes away from him feeling heard.
He then explained it wasn't fully about the 5 - it was that it hurt that I didn't ask more about his feelings and just changed the topic after he said "it's okay". I think sometimes I forget people say "it's okay" to try to be strong when really they want to talk about their feelings. He emphasized he wished I had asked about his feelings and I said I definitely should have and need to be better about asking more follow up if he opens up and says he's spiraling.
I apologized a ton Sunday night and called him and cried to him on the phone about how much I cared and how much I didn't want to hurt him. He told me it was going to be okay and he even told me he felt loved and cared about. He showed appreciation when I took accountability and I said things like "I totally see how it made you feel not heard that I didnt do a small thing you asked for" and "I really should have followed up by asking more about your feelings or why you were spiraling".
Monday he got upset again once he woke up and said I was defensive yesterday and it hurt and that I talk at him and not with him (I did get defensive a bit by saying things like "I didn't know you weren't still okay and I took it at face value when you said you were okay" or saying "I told you I know I messed up and I shouldn't have ignored you opening up to me" when he brought up again how hurt he felt. But sometimes he repeated how hurt he was and how he wished I would hold myself accountable. So I would at times get defensive by saying "well I tried telling you that I'm sorry I ____"
I didn't know what to keep saying besides sorry and that I messed up. I tried keeping my answers brief after he said i was making things about myself (being emotional in my guilt) because i didnt want to risk monopolizing the conversation. Then he told me I really hurt him because he shared 2 paragraphs about how hurt he was and I gave a 10 word answer. I apologized multiple times for my 10 word answer. I said I only kept it short to keep the focus on him. He said it felt like I wasn't even trying. I tried asking what else he needs or what I could do to help and he told me I'm just Asking "out of self preservation". Then when I said I wish I knew what I could do to help he said "did you ask". Three different times when I said I wish I could make him feel better or things like I am trying to give thoughtful answers he would say "did you ask" and then I would say "ask what?" And get frustrated when he didn't give me a straight answer. When I got upset for not getting an answer to my question, he said I was making it about me again.
At some point he asked for examples of me asking accountability. I sent screenshots of when I said I messed up and hurt him and I should've done differently and he got upset and said "those are from yesterday and don't impact how I feel today". I tried taking accountability again today in multiple sentences. He seemed grateful that I did and was glad to hear me list the things I messed up and take the blame for. But then when I brought up something i was hoping we could still do (a surprise party for him) he got really upset and said I was only thinking about what I wanted (to see him and get him to the surpise) instead of what he wanted (to not go out). This led to him skipping his own surprise party yesterday. It was so embarrassing because I didn't know how to explain why he wouldn't come with me (I was supposed to be the one to bring him to the surprise) and his friend ended up making up that he got too wasted beforehand. Even since the party he has only said how his wishes feel ignored and he never wanted a surprise party (I guess a misfire but his friends really wanted to do the party so I went along). No apology for not even coming.
A chunk of yesterdays convo, word for word: M: "I felt so small when you gave me a 10 word response I felt like I didn't explain enough or wasn't good enough . And to not really have a response, it hurt me so bad."
F: "I'm sorry for hurting you so much and giving so small of a response. I'm really sorry for the things I did to make you feel small."
M: "thats not what I'm worried about or bothers me"
F: "What are you worried about or bothered by? You shared it Made you feel small when I sent a 10 word response, so I thought that was a part of the problem."
M: "Not really related and makes me feel worse about getting the love I need/want"
F: "i don't understand. You brought up how much hurt you and how low it made you feel, how is it not related?"
M: "Did you ask?"
F: "I'm asking now"
M: "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you being hurt negated everything I've felt?"
F: "What? Where did I say I'm hurt?"
M: "You're asking a question so you could feel good or secure but I dont feel I'm afforded the same"
A seperate convo chunk later that day:
M: i spend so much energy and get so little in return. When I reach out and ask for help everything gets focused on how you felt. When do I matter?
F: I'm sorry. I hope you can get to feel like you matter now. I have been trying to do what you need and put very little focus on myself and I'll keep trying
M: If you can't try or listen to what I'm saying or asking for just leave me alone and make this whole situation easier. I'm exhausted and tired from giving you grace and somehow things always focus back on you.
_--- Then In several texts asked him if he explain how things kept coming back to me and he said the focus just keeps coming back to me.because I won't take accountability. He is embarrassed and doesn't feel good enough. Because I don't show him support when he needs it and don't show i care in the ways he wants or needs the way he supports me when I'm low.
F; I'm sorry and I wish I had afforded you the same. I'm trying to give thoughtful answers, sorry if they have to be short because I'm at work. Can you explain how you feel like the focus has been coming back to me in today's convo.
M: did you ask?
F: ask what? How did I make the focus on me?
M: dude we aren't doing this again
F: dude I asked for clarification becuase I don't get your question
M: It's not about you. I don't think you're ready or capable of loving me the way I want or need. I feel like I've given you grace and afforded you the space to make or acknowledge mistakes. I can't keep begging to be heard and feel like I'm overreacting or misunderstood. It's fine to ask for clarification, but when you do it hijacks the conversation and we never revist what I said.
F: because I don't get an answer so it's hard to revisit the topic when I'm still confused
M: I'm sorry , I didn't realize that me spiraling or being in a bad place was only continued because you didn't get a response. This isn't about you.
I want to get him to couples therapy because I care about him SO much and he has a really big heart and a good soul. But once he feels hurt, it's like he's stuck being the victim and can't see how horribly irrational our conversations are going. I am not perfect at conflict either - I get defensive if he keeps talking about being hurt, and I end up crying a lot to him about how bad I feel for hurting, and sometimes he has to help me calm me down from my intense crying over the problem I caused, which is draining for him. But I think at least in this case he is really stuck in a victim complex where he isnt doing any wrong and I'm not doing much right to him. I genuinely feel like therapy could really help, and that the couples therapy would support my individual therapy working on defensiveness and emotional control. I want to support him, but I'm nervous to just outright ask for it. What do I do? How could I ease into the topic?
TL;DR: Although I have tried to be very patient and take accountability there are a lot of things I do that hurt my boyfriend. I have worked on improve some concrete things but our most recent conflict (detailed above) has me feeling anxious and lost because I try taking accountability throughout but he is still upset no matter what I say. I don't think he knows how to handle conflict and I'm not perfect at it either but i am very willing to name everything I do wrong and try to change it. I want to suggest couples therapy so he can see we can both do better. Not sure how.
submitted by Reasonable_Cream_719 to relationships [link] [comments]
Sunday my bf slept through his brother coming to visit on accident. He woke up and texted me and said he was spiraling a bit about feeling bad about it and would be okay but just needed a "5" to show him I was there. (this is supposed to be a call back to us saying I love you 5 ever in the past)
I didn't see his text for 30 minutes and then told him l was soo sorry I didn't see this sooner and that I was really sorry he slept through his alarm and missed that, but his body must have needed rest. He said it's okay, it's just my brother.
We spoke for 40 minutes about mothers day and other stuff and then he said "hey you never sent a 5" and I said "oh shoot, 5". It then was shared that it really upset him that I hadn't read and replied to that part of his text. It made him feel not listened to, he said, that I chose to reply how I wanted instead of doing what he asked for. I apologized and also said sorry I didn't say a 5 sooner and that I wish I had seen his text and sent a 5 right away. He got upset that I was apologizing for not texting him right away. He said apologizing for the thing he's not even upset about (not replying for 30 minutes) takes away his agency and takes away from him feeling heard.
He then explained it wasn't fully about the 5 - it was that it hurt that I didn't ask more about his feelings and just changed the topic after he said "it's okay". I think sometimes I forget people say "it's okay" to try to be strong when really they want to talk about their feelings. He emphasized he wished I had asked about his feelings and I said I definitely should have and need to be better about asking more follow up if he opens up and says he's spiraling.
I apologized a ton Sunday night and called him and cried to him on the phone about how much I cared and how much I didn't want to hurt him. He told me it was going to be okay and he even told me he felt loved and cared about. He showed appreciation when I took accountability and I said things like "I totally see how it made you feel not heard that I didnt do a small thing you asked for" and "I really should have followed up by asking more about your feelings or why you were spiraling".
Monday he got upset again once he woke up and said I was defensive yesterday and it hurt and that I talk at him and not with him (I did get defensive a bit by saying things like "I didn't know you weren't still okay and I took it at face value when you said you were okay" or saying "I told you I know I messed up and I shouldn't have ignored you opening up to me" when he brought up again how hurt he felt. But sometimes he repeated how hurt he was and how he wished I would hold myself accountable. So I would at times get defensive by saying "well I tried telling you that I'm sorry I ____"
I didn't know what to keep saying besides sorry and that I messed up. I tried keeping my answers brief after he said i was making things about myself (being emotional in my guilt) because i didnt want to risk monopolizing the conversation. Then he told me I really hurt him because he shared 2 paragraphs about how hurt he was and I gave a 10 word answer. I apologized multiple times for my 10 word answer. I said I only kept it short to keep the focus on him. He said it felt like I wasn't even trying. I tried asking what else he needs or what I could do to help and he told me I'm just Asking "out of self preservation". Then when I said I wish I knew what I could do to help he said "did you ask". Three different times when I said I wish I could make him feel better or things like I am trying to give thoughtful answers he would say "did you ask" and then I would say "ask what?" And get frustrated when he didn't give me a straight answer. When I got upset for not getting an answer to my question, he said I was making it about me again.
At some point he asked for examples of me asking accountability. I sent screenshots of when I said I messed up and hurt him and I should've done differently and he got upset and said "those are from yesterday and don't impact how I feel today". I tried taking accountability again today in multiple sentences. He seemed grateful that I did and was glad to hear me list the things I messed up and take the blame for. But then when I brought up something i was hoping we could still do (a surprise party for him) he got really upset and said I was only thinking about what I wanted (to see him and get him to the surpise) instead of what he wanted (to not go out). This led to him skipping his own surprise party yesterday. It was so embarrassing because I didn't know how to explain why he wouldn't come with me (I was supposed to be the one to bring him to the surprise) and his friend ended up making up that he got too wasted beforehand. Even since the party he has only said how his wishes feel ignored and he never wanted a surprise party (I guess a misfire but his friends really wanted to do the party so I went along). No apology for not even coming.
A chunk of yesterdays convo, word for word: M: "I felt so small when you gave me a 10 word response I felt like I didn't explain enough or wasn't good enough . And to not really have a response, it hurt me so bad."
F: "I'm sorry for hurting you so much and giving so small of a response. I'm really sorry for the things I did to make you feel small."
M: "thats not what I'm worried about or bothers me"
F: "What are you worried about or bothered by? You shared it Made you feel small when I sent a 10 word response, so I thought that was a part of the problem."
M: "Not really related and makes me feel worse about getting the love I need/want"
F: "i don't understand. You brought up how much hurt you and how low it made you feel, how is it not related?"
M: "Did you ask?"
F: "I'm asking now"
M: "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you being hurt negated everything I've felt?"
F: "What? Where did I say I'm hurt?"
M: "You're asking a question so you could feel good or secure but I dont feel I'm afforded the same"
A seperate convo chunk later that day:
M: i spend so much energy and get so little in return. When I reach out and ask for help everything gets focused on how you felt. When do I matter?
F: I'm sorry. I hope you can get to feel like you matter now. I have been trying to do what you need and put very little focus on myself and I'll keep trying
M: If you can't try or listen to what I'm saying or asking for just leave me alone and make this whole situation easier. I'm exhausted and tired from giving you grace and somehow things always focus back on you.
_--- Then In several texts asked him if he explain how things kept coming back to me and he said the focus just keeps coming back to me.because I won't take accountability. He is embarrassed and doesn't feel good enough. Because I don't show him support when he needs it and don't show i care in the ways he wants or needs the way he supports me when I'm low.
F; I'm sorry and I wish I had afforded you the same. I'm trying to give thoughtful answers, sorry if they have to be short because I'm at work. Can you explain how you feel like the focus has been coming back to me in today's convo.
M: did you ask?
F: ask what? How did I make the focus on me?
M: dude we aren't doing this again
F: dude I asked for clarification becuase I don't get your question
M: It's not about you. I don't think you're ready or capable of loving me the way I want or need. I feel like I've given you grace and afforded you the space to make or acknowledge mistakes. I can't keep begging to be heard and feel like I'm overreacting or misunderstood. It's fine to ask for clarification, but when you do it hijacks the conversation and we never revist what I said.
F: because I don't get an answer so it's hard to revisit the topic when I'm still confused
M: I'm sorry , I didn't realize that me spiraling or being in a bad place was only continued because you didn't get a response. This isn't about you.
I want to get him to couples therapy because I care about him SO much and he has a really big heart and a good soul. But once he feels hurt, it's like he's stuck being the victim and can't see how horribly irrational our conversations are going. I am not perfect at conflict either - I get defensive if he keeps talking about being hurt, and I end up crying a lot to him about how bad I feel for hurting, and sometimes he has to help me calm me down from my intense crying over the problem I caused, which is draining for him. But I think at least in this case he is really stuck in a victim complex where he isnt doing any wrong and I'm not doing much right to him. I genuinely feel like therapy could really help, and that the couples therapy would support my individual therapy working on defensiveness and emotional control. I want to support him, but I'm nervous to just outright ask for it. What do I do? How could I ease into the topic?
TL;DR: Although I have tried to be very patient and take accountability there are a lot of things I do that hurt my boyfriend. I have worked on improve some concrete things but our most recent conflict (detailed above) has me feeling anxious and lost because I try taking accountability throughout but he is still upset no matter what I say. I don't think he knows how to handle conflict and I'm not perfect at it either but i am very willing to name everything I do wrong and try to change it. I want to suggest couples therapy so he can see we can both do better. Not sure how.
2024.05.15 17:52 Gatorsforthiscreator I need to vent, maybe kind feedback on what can help - Day 4 NC
Here is my breakup story.
Eric and I have been together for almost three years. We had some differences, thatâs for sure. He had a brain injury that had an impact on his speech, and motor skills. Sometimes he couldnât feed himself without flinging it everywhere, so, being completely able-bodied I would happily help. He couldnât walk correctly without it eventually leading to falling down. I would be his human crutch; he would stand behind me with his hands on my shoulders and the weight of our bodies would work together to keep him upright. It was much easier for me to put his socks on him, than for him to do it some days. So I would do that, and so on. I never minded, not one bit. It never even crossed my mind as the slightest bit of inconvenience. I loved him, and still do - and that love was untouchable. Could not be matched. Thatâs not to say he wonât find someone who loves him as much as I do, but I know that my love for him is unconditional, and endless. It is stronger than anything I have ever experienced. We both had insecurities, often heâd ask me who was messaging me when it really was just a game notification, or ten. I played a lot of phone games; bingo, solitaire, slots, word games, whatever. Theyâd coincidentally all notify me at the same time, typically on the hour, every few hours. Iâd do the same, ask âwho are you texting?â. Funny, neither of us had a reason to worry about it. We both are loyal.
We also had great similarities, we worked together, in my eyes. We would laugh about the dumbest things, belly laugh uncontrollably. We knew exactly how to comfort each other. The little sweet things all added up and made for what I thought was a perfect little peaceful home of a person. Our views on social issues, or moral standards aligned well. Of course, we had some disagreements too, but no two people in this world are 100% eye to eye.
April 6th I boarded my first ever plane, at the age of 25 with Eric. We were flying to Florida to stay with his mom and her long-term boyfriend at a new home she had just purchased, a seasonal home. This trip was really fun. I loved the time I got to spend with him, and his mom and her partner. On the last full day, we were there we had gone to a beach, and as cheesy as it sounds - he picked up a pretty dull looking seashell that was in front of him. He asked me to add it to the bag of unique looking shells I had walked around gathering. I asked him why⊠It looked so ordinary. He told me for some reason thatâs the first thing he spotted when he realized he is going to marry me. This made me so happy; it made me feel even more secure than I already did.
Fast forward to when we arrive home, the following day. We relaxed over the weekend and then returned to our Monday through Friday jobs. I work 9-5, and then three nights of the week would have night class from 6-10. He works 3-11, and so heâd get home just a tad bit later than me. I almost always stayed up to see him, weâd say hi, cuddle, and go to bed. Each weekend we had with each other we would spend time doing whatever, but together. Come the beginning of May (Last week) it was a Monday. I went into school 30 minutes early as requested to speak with the director of education. They terminated my enrollment due to an incident that occurred between me and 5 other classmates. An argument, one that should not have happened. I had remorse for this from the mintue it ended. Eric had told me the night the argument happened, while I was upset, that he wonât be mad if I get terminated, he thought my reaction to the situation and how I handled it was valid. As long as I stuck through, and didnât drop out over it then he wouldnât be mad. I agreed, no dropping out. Thursday I got a text message from him. He told me that I have 8 days to move out. That our relationship has been such a big part of his life for so long, he needed to be on his own, be with his friends - essentially that he needed to find himself. In this message he always advised this was nothing I did, that he will cherish all the memories he has that we made together. That I was a great girlfriend. He also said that he doesnât want me reaching out unless it was to discuss the division of our belongings, and that doing this face to face would not be healthy or productive, it will just make it harder.
So⊠Hold on. A month ago, you told me you love me so much, and one day youâre sure youâre going to marry me. I could hear the honesty and vulnerability in your voice, I could see it in your face. Those were not lies. Now, all of the sudden, even though you called me babe just this morning, and asked me to pick stuff up from the store for you on my way home⊠a couple hours later, out of nowhere, youâre justâŠdone? This doesnât make sense. None of it makes sense. I am destroyed. I love you more than anything and would have - did, do anything I possibly could for you, but you think life without me will be better? That fucking hurt, no actually - I swear it killed a part of me. Iâm not angry. I am so God damn fucking sad. I am lost. I am anxious. I am scared. I am alone. I feel abandoned. I am uncomfortable. I see no future anymore, the rug was ripped from under me and I was left alone, to get my stuff out as soon as possible while trying to nurse a torn apart, stomped on, broken heart⊠and what is worse for me, is youâre worth it. You're worth a million more heartbreaks. People keep telling me to âtry to think of the reasons why this is a good thingâ but I tried, so hard, and I can't. To me there is absolutely not one good thing about this for me. I canât stop thinking âis he going to realize this wasnât the right choice?â âDoes he care at all about me?â âHow can he not care not one little teenie tiny speck about me, all of the sudden?â âIs he hurting right now and his coping mechanism is to shut me out, 100%, completely?â âWill I ever even hear from him again?â âIs he ok?â âDoes he miss me?â âDoes he hate me, for essentially⊠no reason?â âAm I doing the right thing by abiding by his request not to reach out to him?â âMaybe he is waiting for me to reach out to him anyway⊠but he told me not too.â
I am so lost. I miss you him much. I want him to realize the same. I want him to text me and say, âI donât know what I was thinking, I miss you, can I see you?â
But all Iâve gotten is radio silence⊠Iâm not religious, I wish I was - in a time like this I feel that faith is the only thing that could make someone feel ok accepting of the situation⊠but I still pray to God, or whatever higher power there is that he changes his mind.
I saw him briefly two days later when he came to get some clothes for himself, and I made him tell me to my face he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He said he does love me and care about me, but this just needs to happen... and before I go thinking there's someone else, there isn't. I know there isn't, though.
Sunday, neither of us reached out to one another. This Monday, I texted him to let him know I will continue paying the credit card bill, I will let him know when I'm finished moving out, and asked if there is something he'd like me to do with his laundry (we had a laundry system due to his disability). This was the first time I got no response... and still, nothing. I didn't reach out Tuesday (yesterday) and I haven't today.
God, I need help, but no one can give it to me. I am helpless.
submitted by Gatorsforthiscreator to ExNoContact [link] [comments]
Eric and I have been together for almost three years. We had some differences, thatâs for sure. He had a brain injury that had an impact on his speech, and motor skills. Sometimes he couldnât feed himself without flinging it everywhere, so, being completely able-bodied I would happily help. He couldnât walk correctly without it eventually leading to falling down. I would be his human crutch; he would stand behind me with his hands on my shoulders and the weight of our bodies would work together to keep him upright. It was much easier for me to put his socks on him, than for him to do it some days. So I would do that, and so on. I never minded, not one bit. It never even crossed my mind as the slightest bit of inconvenience. I loved him, and still do - and that love was untouchable. Could not be matched. Thatâs not to say he wonât find someone who loves him as much as I do, but I know that my love for him is unconditional, and endless. It is stronger than anything I have ever experienced. We both had insecurities, often heâd ask me who was messaging me when it really was just a game notification, or ten. I played a lot of phone games; bingo, solitaire, slots, word games, whatever. Theyâd coincidentally all notify me at the same time, typically on the hour, every few hours. Iâd do the same, ask âwho are you texting?â. Funny, neither of us had a reason to worry about it. We both are loyal.
We also had great similarities, we worked together, in my eyes. We would laugh about the dumbest things, belly laugh uncontrollably. We knew exactly how to comfort each other. The little sweet things all added up and made for what I thought was a perfect little peaceful home of a person. Our views on social issues, or moral standards aligned well. Of course, we had some disagreements too, but no two people in this world are 100% eye to eye.
April 6th I boarded my first ever plane, at the age of 25 with Eric. We were flying to Florida to stay with his mom and her long-term boyfriend at a new home she had just purchased, a seasonal home. This trip was really fun. I loved the time I got to spend with him, and his mom and her partner. On the last full day, we were there we had gone to a beach, and as cheesy as it sounds - he picked up a pretty dull looking seashell that was in front of him. He asked me to add it to the bag of unique looking shells I had walked around gathering. I asked him why⊠It looked so ordinary. He told me for some reason thatâs the first thing he spotted when he realized he is going to marry me. This made me so happy; it made me feel even more secure than I already did.
Fast forward to when we arrive home, the following day. We relaxed over the weekend and then returned to our Monday through Friday jobs. I work 9-5, and then three nights of the week would have night class from 6-10. He works 3-11, and so heâd get home just a tad bit later than me. I almost always stayed up to see him, weâd say hi, cuddle, and go to bed. Each weekend we had with each other we would spend time doing whatever, but together. Come the beginning of May (Last week) it was a Monday. I went into school 30 minutes early as requested to speak with the director of education. They terminated my enrollment due to an incident that occurred between me and 5 other classmates. An argument, one that should not have happened. I had remorse for this from the mintue it ended. Eric had told me the night the argument happened, while I was upset, that he wonât be mad if I get terminated, he thought my reaction to the situation and how I handled it was valid. As long as I stuck through, and didnât drop out over it then he wouldnât be mad. I agreed, no dropping out. Thursday I got a text message from him. He told me that I have 8 days to move out. That our relationship has been such a big part of his life for so long, he needed to be on his own, be with his friends - essentially that he needed to find himself. In this message he always advised this was nothing I did, that he will cherish all the memories he has that we made together. That I was a great girlfriend. He also said that he doesnât want me reaching out unless it was to discuss the division of our belongings, and that doing this face to face would not be healthy or productive, it will just make it harder.
So⊠Hold on. A month ago, you told me you love me so much, and one day youâre sure youâre going to marry me. I could hear the honesty and vulnerability in your voice, I could see it in your face. Those were not lies. Now, all of the sudden, even though you called me babe just this morning, and asked me to pick stuff up from the store for you on my way home⊠a couple hours later, out of nowhere, youâre justâŠdone? This doesnât make sense. None of it makes sense. I am destroyed. I love you more than anything and would have - did, do anything I possibly could for you, but you think life without me will be better? That fucking hurt, no actually - I swear it killed a part of me. Iâm not angry. I am so God damn fucking sad. I am lost. I am anxious. I am scared. I am alone. I feel abandoned. I am uncomfortable. I see no future anymore, the rug was ripped from under me and I was left alone, to get my stuff out as soon as possible while trying to nurse a torn apart, stomped on, broken heart⊠and what is worse for me, is youâre worth it. You're worth a million more heartbreaks. People keep telling me to âtry to think of the reasons why this is a good thingâ but I tried, so hard, and I can't. To me there is absolutely not one good thing about this for me. I canât stop thinking âis he going to realize this wasnât the right choice?â âDoes he care at all about me?â âHow can he not care not one little teenie tiny speck about me, all of the sudden?â âIs he hurting right now and his coping mechanism is to shut me out, 100%, completely?â âWill I ever even hear from him again?â âIs he ok?â âDoes he miss me?â âDoes he hate me, for essentially⊠no reason?â âAm I doing the right thing by abiding by his request not to reach out to him?â âMaybe he is waiting for me to reach out to him anyway⊠but he told me not too.â
I am so lost. I miss you him much. I want him to realize the same. I want him to text me and say, âI donât know what I was thinking, I miss you, can I see you?â
But all Iâve gotten is radio silence⊠Iâm not religious, I wish I was - in a time like this I feel that faith is the only thing that could make someone feel ok accepting of the situation⊠but I still pray to God, or whatever higher power there is that he changes his mind.
I saw him briefly two days later when he came to get some clothes for himself, and I made him tell me to my face he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He said he does love me and care about me, but this just needs to happen... and before I go thinking there's someone else, there isn't. I know there isn't, though.
Sunday, neither of us reached out to one another. This Monday, I texted him to let him know I will continue paying the credit card bill, I will let him know when I'm finished moving out, and asked if there is something he'd like me to do with his laundry (we had a laundry system due to his disability). This was the first time I got no response... and still, nothing. I didn't reach out Tuesday (yesterday) and I haven't today.
God, I need help, but no one can give it to me. I am helpless.
2024.05.15 17:36 nooneneededtoknow I am a failure
I am a failure, I have this immense feeling of guilt, and I feel absolutely gutted to the core.
When I was pregnant I had GD so I got more growth ultrasounds and my LO was always in the >99th percentile for head size. I didn't really think anything of it as large heads run in my family. My grandpa, uncle, aunt, 3 boy cousins, and my sister were all born with large heads.
My LO has been progressing really well. He was born strong - could already support his neck, and has been growing like a weed and packing on the pounds. He can now lift his head during tummy time and support himself for minutes at a time - which is ahead of schedule. He moves constantly, really only sits still to eat. He's 8.5weeks.
Anyways I was taking pictures a few days ago of my LO doing tummy time on my husband's chest. As I was looking back at the pictures I couldn't help but notice how his head shape had changed in such a short amount of time. He always had a prominent brow but now it was like The Brain from pinky and the brain, round shaped with a very prominent brow.
So I googled this, assuming it was just a phase all babies go through and I was wondering when they start to grow out of it. What I came across was something called frontal bossing. My babies forehead looks text book to the picture. I started looking into causes and see Vitamin D deficiency - Rickets and my heart sank. I'm sitting here absolutely shattered, I completely forgot about these Vitamin D supplements. I have been neglecting these for 2 whole months. He maybe got 3 bottles in the first week and then nothing. I live in the Midwest, we have not been outside a whole lot and when we do he is pretty well shaded for walks.
I started looking at his body and his arms and legs looked bowed. I can't unsee the protruding forehead which cannot be cured, its there forever - the damage is done. I am sitting just sobbing writing this right now at the idea I caused this deformity on him. It makes me absolutely sick to my stomach at how ignorant and just stupid I have been to forget these, something so simple. It's one thing to make a mistake and mess up your own life, but to have actively caused this in my LO is something I can never forgive myself for. I am terrified to tell my husband about this. Terrified for his 2 month apt in a few days I don't even want anyone's sympathy, it is so undeserving.
I obviously started the drops and we have been sitting outside a bit each morning, but the damage I caused will always be staring me back for as long as I live, and I don't know how I can ever live with myself. We tried for 7 years to have a child, and now I wish it had never happened, I hate myself. I would give anything under the sun to go back in time.
To be clear, I have not had much anxiety through PP. I am actually extremely laid back and had the mentality that cave men raised children so it's going to be ok. But the idea that I could have created an easily avoidable deformity is something that is hard to swallow. It's one thing if I just didn't know about the drops - mistakes happen, but to actively forget for this long and only to he reminded because I noticed something pecular that is directly caused by what I neglected is hard to rationalize.
submitted by nooneneededtoknow to NewParents [link] [comments]
When I was pregnant I had GD so I got more growth ultrasounds and my LO was always in the >99th percentile for head size. I didn't really think anything of it as large heads run in my family. My grandpa, uncle, aunt, 3 boy cousins, and my sister were all born with large heads.
My LO has been progressing really well. He was born strong - could already support his neck, and has been growing like a weed and packing on the pounds. He can now lift his head during tummy time and support himself for minutes at a time - which is ahead of schedule. He moves constantly, really only sits still to eat. He's 8.5weeks.
Anyways I was taking pictures a few days ago of my LO doing tummy time on my husband's chest. As I was looking back at the pictures I couldn't help but notice how his head shape had changed in such a short amount of time. He always had a prominent brow but now it was like The Brain from pinky and the brain, round shaped with a very prominent brow.
So I googled this, assuming it was just a phase all babies go through and I was wondering when they start to grow out of it. What I came across was something called frontal bossing. My babies forehead looks text book to the picture. I started looking into causes and see Vitamin D deficiency - Rickets and my heart sank. I'm sitting here absolutely shattered, I completely forgot about these Vitamin D supplements. I have been neglecting these for 2 whole months. He maybe got 3 bottles in the first week and then nothing. I live in the Midwest, we have not been outside a whole lot and when we do he is pretty well shaded for walks.
I started looking at his body and his arms and legs looked bowed. I can't unsee the protruding forehead which cannot be cured, its there forever - the damage is done. I am sitting just sobbing writing this right now at the idea I caused this deformity on him. It makes me absolutely sick to my stomach at how ignorant and just stupid I have been to forget these, something so simple. It's one thing to make a mistake and mess up your own life, but to have actively caused this in my LO is something I can never forgive myself for. I am terrified to tell my husband about this. Terrified for his 2 month apt in a few days I don't even want anyone's sympathy, it is so undeserving.
I obviously started the drops and we have been sitting outside a bit each morning, but the damage I caused will always be staring me back for as long as I live, and I don't know how I can ever live with myself. We tried for 7 years to have a child, and now I wish it had never happened, I hate myself. I would give anything under the sun to go back in time.
To be clear, I have not had much anxiety through PP. I am actually extremely laid back and had the mentality that cave men raised children so it's going to be ok. But the idea that I could have created an easily avoidable deformity is something that is hard to swallow. It's one thing if I just didn't know about the drops - mistakes happen, but to actively forget for this long and only to he reminded because I noticed something pecular that is directly caused by what I neglected is hard to rationalize.
2024.05.15 17:24 adriancha En vivo modo carrera pes efootball 24 UEFA Champions League Real Madrid Barcelona Manchester city
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2024.05.15 17:23 BananaPuddinSquad Need a pep talk
Lately Iâve been feeling locked up in my mind. Feeling like everyone around me is either so consumed in their own lives to care about me or just doesnât care to put the energy into their relationship with me. I text people often and reach out asking them how they are doing but itâs never reciprocated, hurts more when itâs your family. Iâm always who is called for help, money, solutions, venting but all I wish someone would notice is how much Iâm really hurting inside and just ask âhey how are YOU doing?â Or âI notice youâre not doing ok, talk to meâ but everyone around me seems to be revolving in their own orbit and Iâm just a fly on the wall in their story. I seem to be intolerant of mundane habits of watching tv and mind numbing activities like scrolling through media ⊠my heart is craving nature and connection, Iâm really sad about how much electronics and media have a hold on people that they ignore what is right in front of them in real life. Yet here I am resorting to media to try to change with the ways the world is changing. Iâm craving interpersonal connection and good energy and laughter with reciprocation but I donât know what is going on and if the energy in the world is just off recently or if itâs just me. Maybe both. Needed to get this out there and see if anyone else has been feeling this way lately or if Iâm alone on this path! Iâm open to any tips and tricks; just be nice please.
submitted by BananaPuddinSquad to needahug [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 17:17 Reasonable_Cream_719 I (28f) don't want to dismiss my boyfriend's needs (29m) but I feel like he is remaining upset over things to really intense levels and making me the only one at fault in conflict. How could I help him see he's acting unreasonably and/or convince him to try couples therapy with me?
I'm scared that I'm completely losing myself or being emotionally manipulated in my relationship. (1 yr together, known each other for 10). My partner (29 M) supports me in my self care & work & hobbies & loves to boost me up, but he also frequently tells me things I've done wrong. I'd always rather he be honest about his feelings, but i feel like it's very frequent. Something comes up at least twice a month where he says he doesn't feel listened to or valued or "like a partner" in our relationship and things blow up. This has happened for 3 months now. Before this i dated someone for 4 years who was very reserved, so I got used to feeling very needy - therefore, I have a lot of empathy for needing love and affection and I try to make his needs met. I have tried really hard to fix previous tangible concerns like letting him know when I'll be away from my phone for a while or making changes to not be late to things. We have had some really good strides where I've been able to tell him my needs more or own up to my small failings. But the last 72 hours have been a nightmare even with my growth and progress. I'm sorry this post is lengthy but I'll try my best to explain the current situation:
Sunday my bf slept through his brother coming to visit on accident. He woke up and texted me and said he was spiraling a bit about feeling bad about it and would be okay but just needed a "5" to show him I was there. (this is supposed to be a call back to us saying I love you 5 ever in the past)
I didn't see his text for 30 minutes and then told him l was soo sorry I didn't see this sooner and that I was really sorry he slept through his alarm and missed that, but his body must have needed rest. He said it's okay, it's just my brother.
We spoke for 40 minutes about mothers day and other stuff and then he said "hey you never sent a 5" and I said "oh shoot, 5". It then was shared that it really upset him that I hadn't read and replied to that part of his text. It made him feel not listened to, he said, that I chose to reply how I wanted instead of doing what he asked for. I apologized and also said sorry I didn't say a 5 sooner and that I wish I had seen his text and sent a 5 right away. He got upset that I was apologizing for not texting him right away. He said apologizing for the thing he's not even upset about (not replying for 30 minutes) takes away his agency and takes away from him feeling heard.
He then explained it wasn't fully about the 5 - it was that it hurt that I didn't ask more about his feelings and just changed the topic after he said "it's okay". I think sometimes I forget people say "it's okay" to try to be strong when really they want to talk about their feelings. He emphasized he wished I had asked about his feelings and I said I definitely should have and need to be better about asking more follow up if he opens up and says he's spiraling.
I apologized a ton Sunday night and called him and cried to him on the phone about how much I cared and how much I didn't want to hurt him. He told me it was going to be okay and he even told me he felt loved and cared about. He showed appreciation when I took accountability and I said things like "I totally see how it made you feel not heard that I didnt do a small thing you asked for" and "I really should have followed up by asking more about your feelings or why you were spiraling".
Monday he got upset again once he woke up and said I was defensive yesterday and it hurt and that I talk at him and not with him (I did get defensive a bit by saying things like "I didn't know you weren't still okay and I took it at face value when you said you were okay" or saying "I told you I know I messed up and I shouldn't have ignored you opening up to me" when he brought up again how hurt he felt. But sometimes he repeated how hurt he was and how he wished I would hold myself accountable. So I would at times get defensive by saying "well I tried telling you that I'm sorry I ____"
I didn't know what to keep saying besides sorry and that I messed up. I tried keeping my answers brief after he said i was making things about myself (being emotional in my guilt) because i didnt want to risk monopolizing the conversation. Then he told me I really hurt him because he shared 2 paragraphs about how hurt he was and I gave a 10 word answer. I apologized multiple times for my 10 word answer. I said I only kept it short to keep the focus on him. He said it felt like I wasn't even trying. I tried asking what else he needs or what I could do to help and he told me I'm just Asking "out of self preservation". Then when I said I wish I knew what I could do to help he said "did you ask". Three different times when I said I wish I could make him feel better or things like I am trying to give thoughtful answers he would say "did you ask" and then I would say "ask what?" And get frustrated when he didn't give me a straight answer. When I got upset for not getting an answer to my question, he said I was making it about me again.
At some point he asked for examples of me asking accountability. I sent screenshots of when I said I messed up and hurt him and I should've done differently and he got upset and said "those are from yesterday and don't impact how I feel today". I tried taking accountability again today in multiple sentences. He seemed grateful that I did and was glad to hear me list the things I messed up and take the blame for. But then when I brought up something i was hoping we could still do (a surprise party for him) he got really upset and said I was only thinking about what I wanted (to see him and get him to the surpise) instead of what he wanted (to not go out). This led to him skipping his own surprise party yesterday. It was so embarrassing because I didn't know how to explain why he wouldn't come with me (I was supposed to be the one to bring him to the surprise) and his friend ended up making up that he got too wasted beforehand. Even since the party he has only said how his wishes feel ignored and he never wanted a surprise party (I guess a misfire but his friends really wanted to do the party so I went along). No apology for not even coming.
A chunk of yesterdays convo, word for word: M: "I felt so small when you gave me a 10 word response I felt like I didn't explain enough or wasn't good enough . And to not really have a response, it hurt me so bad."
F: "I'm sorry for hurting you so much and giving so small of a response. I'm really sorry for the things I did to make you feel small."
M: "thats not what I'm worried about or bothers me"
F: "What are you worried about or bothered by? You shared it Made you feel small when I sent a 10 word response, so I thought that was a part of the problem."
M: "Not really related and makes me feel worse about getting the love I need/want"
F: "i don't understand. You brought up how much hurt you and how low it made you feel, how is it not related?"
M: "Did you ask?"
F: "I'm asking now"
M: "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you being hurt negated everything I've felt?"
F: "What? Where did I say I'm hurt?"
M: "You're asking a question so you could feel good or secure but I dont feel I'm afforded the same"
A seperate convo chunk later that day:
M: i spend so much energy and get so little in return. When I reach out and ask for help everything gets focused on how you felt. When do I matter?
F: I'm sorry. I hope you can get to feel like you matter now. I have been trying to do what you need and put very little focus on myself and I'll keep trying
M: If you can't try or listen to what I'm saying or asking for just leave me alone and make this whole situation easier. I'm exhausted and tired from giving you grace and somehow things always focus back on you.
_--- Then In several texts asked him if he explain how things kept coming back to me and he said the focus just keeps coming back to me.because I won't take accountability. He is embarrassed and doesn't feel good enough. Because I don't show him support when he needs it and don't show i care in the ways he wants or needs the way he supports me when I'm low.
F; I'm sorry and I wish I had afforded you the same. I'm trying to give thoughtful answers, sorry if they have to be short because I'm at work. Can you explain how you feel like the focus has been coming back to me in today's convo.
M: did you ask?
F: ask what? How did I make the focus on me?
M: dude we aren't doing this again
F: dude I asked for clarification becuase I don't get your question
M: It's not about you. I don't think you're ready or capable of loving me the way I want or need. I feel like I've given you grace and afforded you the space to make or acknowledge mistakes. I can't keep begging to be heard and feel like I'm overreacting or misunderstood. It's fine to ask for clarification, but when you do it hijacks the conversation and we never revist what I said.
F: because I don't get an answer so it's hard to revisit the topic when I'm still confused
M: I'm sorry , I didn't realize that me spiraling or being in a bad place was only continued because you didn't get a response. This isn't about you.
I want to get him to couples therapy because I care about him SO much and he has a really big heart and a good soul. But once he feels hurt, it's like he's stuck being the victim and can't see how horribly irrational our conversations are going. I am not perfect at conflict either - I get defensive if he keeps talking about being hurt, and I end up crying a lot to him about how bad I feel for hurting, and sometimes he has to help me calm me down from my intense crying over the problem I caused, which is draining for him. But I think at least in this case he is really stuck in a victim complex where he isnt doing any wrong and I'm not doing much right to him. I genuinely feel like therapy could really help, and that the couples therapy would support my individual therapy working on defensiveness and emotional control. I want to support him, but I'm nervous to just outright ask for it. What do I do? How could I ease into the topic?
TL;DR: Although I have tried to be very patient and take accountability there are a lot of things I do that hurt my boyfriend. I have worked on improve some concrete things but our most recent conflict (detailed above) has me feeling anxious and lost because I try taking accountability throughout but he is still upset no matter what I say. I don't think he knows how to handle conflict and I'm not perfect at it either but i am very willing to name everything I do wrong and try to change it. I want to suggest couples therapy so he can see we can both do better. Not sure how.
submitted by Reasonable_Cream_719 to u/Reasonable_Cream_719 [link] [comments]
Sunday my bf slept through his brother coming to visit on accident. He woke up and texted me and said he was spiraling a bit about feeling bad about it and would be okay but just needed a "5" to show him I was there. (this is supposed to be a call back to us saying I love you 5 ever in the past)
I didn't see his text for 30 minutes and then told him l was soo sorry I didn't see this sooner and that I was really sorry he slept through his alarm and missed that, but his body must have needed rest. He said it's okay, it's just my brother.
We spoke for 40 minutes about mothers day and other stuff and then he said "hey you never sent a 5" and I said "oh shoot, 5". It then was shared that it really upset him that I hadn't read and replied to that part of his text. It made him feel not listened to, he said, that I chose to reply how I wanted instead of doing what he asked for. I apologized and also said sorry I didn't say a 5 sooner and that I wish I had seen his text and sent a 5 right away. He got upset that I was apologizing for not texting him right away. He said apologizing for the thing he's not even upset about (not replying for 30 minutes) takes away his agency and takes away from him feeling heard.
He then explained it wasn't fully about the 5 - it was that it hurt that I didn't ask more about his feelings and just changed the topic after he said "it's okay". I think sometimes I forget people say "it's okay" to try to be strong when really they want to talk about their feelings. He emphasized he wished I had asked about his feelings and I said I definitely should have and need to be better about asking more follow up if he opens up and says he's spiraling.
I apologized a ton Sunday night and called him and cried to him on the phone about how much I cared and how much I didn't want to hurt him. He told me it was going to be okay and he even told me he felt loved and cared about. He showed appreciation when I took accountability and I said things like "I totally see how it made you feel not heard that I didnt do a small thing you asked for" and "I really should have followed up by asking more about your feelings or why you were spiraling".
Monday he got upset again once he woke up and said I was defensive yesterday and it hurt and that I talk at him and not with him (I did get defensive a bit by saying things like "I didn't know you weren't still okay and I took it at face value when you said you were okay" or saying "I told you I know I messed up and I shouldn't have ignored you opening up to me" when he brought up again how hurt he felt. But sometimes he repeated how hurt he was and how he wished I would hold myself accountable. So I would at times get defensive by saying "well I tried telling you that I'm sorry I ____"
I didn't know what to keep saying besides sorry and that I messed up. I tried keeping my answers brief after he said i was making things about myself (being emotional in my guilt) because i didnt want to risk monopolizing the conversation. Then he told me I really hurt him because he shared 2 paragraphs about how hurt he was and I gave a 10 word answer. I apologized multiple times for my 10 word answer. I said I only kept it short to keep the focus on him. He said it felt like I wasn't even trying. I tried asking what else he needs or what I could do to help and he told me I'm just Asking "out of self preservation". Then when I said I wish I knew what I could do to help he said "did you ask". Three different times when I said I wish I could make him feel better or things like I am trying to give thoughtful answers he would say "did you ask" and then I would say "ask what?" And get frustrated when he didn't give me a straight answer. When I got upset for not getting an answer to my question, he said I was making it about me again.
At some point he asked for examples of me asking accountability. I sent screenshots of when I said I messed up and hurt him and I should've done differently and he got upset and said "those are from yesterday and don't impact how I feel today". I tried taking accountability again today in multiple sentences. He seemed grateful that I did and was glad to hear me list the things I messed up and take the blame for. But then when I brought up something i was hoping we could still do (a surprise party for him) he got really upset and said I was only thinking about what I wanted (to see him and get him to the surpise) instead of what he wanted (to not go out). This led to him skipping his own surprise party yesterday. It was so embarrassing because I didn't know how to explain why he wouldn't come with me (I was supposed to be the one to bring him to the surprise) and his friend ended up making up that he got too wasted beforehand. Even since the party he has only said how his wishes feel ignored and he never wanted a surprise party (I guess a misfire but his friends really wanted to do the party so I went along). No apology for not even coming.
A chunk of yesterdays convo, word for word: M: "I felt so small when you gave me a 10 word response I felt like I didn't explain enough or wasn't good enough . And to not really have a response, it hurt me so bad."
F: "I'm sorry for hurting you so much and giving so small of a response. I'm really sorry for the things I did to make you feel small."
M: "thats not what I'm worried about or bothers me"
F: "What are you worried about or bothered by? You shared it Made you feel small when I sent a 10 word response, so I thought that was a part of the problem."
M: "Not really related and makes me feel worse about getting the love I need/want"
F: "i don't understand. You brought up how much hurt you and how low it made you feel, how is it not related?"
M: "Did you ask?"
F: "I'm asking now"
M: "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you being hurt negated everything I've felt?"
F: "What? Where did I say I'm hurt?"
M: "You're asking a question so you could feel good or secure but I dont feel I'm afforded the same"
A seperate convo chunk later that day:
M: i spend so much energy and get so little in return. When I reach out and ask for help everything gets focused on how you felt. When do I matter?
F: I'm sorry. I hope you can get to feel like you matter now. I have been trying to do what you need and put very little focus on myself and I'll keep trying
M: If you can't try or listen to what I'm saying or asking for just leave me alone and make this whole situation easier. I'm exhausted and tired from giving you grace and somehow things always focus back on you.
_--- Then In several texts asked him if he explain how things kept coming back to me and he said the focus just keeps coming back to me.because I won't take accountability. He is embarrassed and doesn't feel good enough. Because I don't show him support when he needs it and don't show i care in the ways he wants or needs the way he supports me when I'm low.
F; I'm sorry and I wish I had afforded you the same. I'm trying to give thoughtful answers, sorry if they have to be short because I'm at work. Can you explain how you feel like the focus has been coming back to me in today's convo.
M: did you ask?
F: ask what? How did I make the focus on me?
M: dude we aren't doing this again
F: dude I asked for clarification becuase I don't get your question
M: It's not about you. I don't think you're ready or capable of loving me the way I want or need. I feel like I've given you grace and afforded you the space to make or acknowledge mistakes. I can't keep begging to be heard and feel like I'm overreacting or misunderstood. It's fine to ask for clarification, but when you do it hijacks the conversation and we never revist what I said.
F: because I don't get an answer so it's hard to revisit the topic when I'm still confused
M: I'm sorry , I didn't realize that me spiraling or being in a bad place was only continued because you didn't get a response. This isn't about you.
I want to get him to couples therapy because I care about him SO much and he has a really big heart and a good soul. But once he feels hurt, it's like he's stuck being the victim and can't see how horribly irrational our conversations are going. I am not perfect at conflict either - I get defensive if he keeps talking about being hurt, and I end up crying a lot to him about how bad I feel for hurting, and sometimes he has to help me calm me down from my intense crying over the problem I caused, which is draining for him. But I think at least in this case he is really stuck in a victim complex where he isnt doing any wrong and I'm not doing much right to him. I genuinely feel like therapy could really help, and that the couples therapy would support my individual therapy working on defensiveness and emotional control. I want to support him, but I'm nervous to just outright ask for it. What do I do? How could I ease into the topic?
TL;DR: Although I have tried to be very patient and take accountability there are a lot of things I do that hurt my boyfriend. I have worked on improve some concrete things but our most recent conflict (detailed above) has me feeling anxious and lost because I try taking accountability throughout but he is still upset no matter what I say. I don't think he knows how to handle conflict and I'm not perfect at it either but i am very willing to name everything I do wrong and try to change it. I want to suggest couples therapy so he can see we can both do better. Not sure how.