S, I'm sorry I let 10 years go by, even if it's meaningless to you
Reposting my letters, to satisfy my own heart, to give it once last false hope that they might be found, before I fade away
Dear S.R.D.,
My once person, the love I had to walk away from, a memory lost, fading away.
My memory has always been a broken thing. A blessing, the gift of truly forgetting. A hard drive that pre-programed to wipe things past a certain point, a built in expiration date. A blessing in the ability to move forward, but a curse, when I don't want to let go. My long term memory is broken and always has been.
I hold on with all the strength I have. I replay memories weekly and daily in hopes that they will remain. But no matter the struggle, these thumbnails and Metadata in the cache, they mean nothing as the original files disappear.
I'm heartbroken, knowing that these pieces I held so dear will fade away, many already have. I'm filled with questions, grasping to keep you near. Were hyenas your favorite animal? Did you like the Ace of Spades best? Did I once buy you a stuffie? Was it a girrafe? Did you like the show Archer? Did we watch it at night together while I fell asleep in your arms? Did you help me create the tattoo I wear proudly over my shoulders? Did you prefer Joker and Harley.. or was it Ivy? Didn't you tell me all about it while you played with my hair? It's almost gone now...
You told me once about your gamertag, but I can't recall... You bared your heart to me about a childhood memory, but the details are gone... You smiled so vibrantly about your nephew but I don't remember why... Did you love me as fiercely and deeply as I believed, or have a been a fool filling in memory gaps with made of stories..
I want to ask you all these things. I want to hear you recount our time together so that I may keep your memory close with a new one filled with your soothing voice. But I have long since been forgotten, you have long since moved on and it is all in the past. It doesn't matter to anyone but me, no sane person holds on this long. It's not romantic or endearing, it's sad and concerning.
I can't ask you, and I can't ask anyone else. I can't even talk to anyone about any of this. So for tonight, in the quiet of this sleeping home, I will let my heartbreak and I will let the tears flow and I will grieve for all I am losing. And when eventually these last remnants fade away despite my fighting and holding on, there will at least be these letters to the void, proof that I loved a love that was deeper than love....
From CR.C.R., a beautiful disaster, a stupid and foolish human, a long forgotten memory, a trace from the edge of the abyss

S, I'm sorry I let 10 years go by, even if it's meaningless to you
Reposting my letters, to satisfy my own heart, to give it once last false hope that they might be found, before I fade away
Dear S.R.D.,
My once person, the love I had to walk away from, a memory lost, fading away.
My memory has always been a broken thing. A blessing, the gift of truly forgetting. A hard drive that pre-programed to wipe things past a certain point, a built in expiration date. A blessing in the ability to move forward, but a curse, when I don't want to let go. My long term memory is broken and always has been.
I hold on with all the strength I have. I replay memories weekly and daily in hopes that they will remain. But no matter the struggle, these thumbnails and Metadata in the cache, they mean nothing as the original files disappear.
I'm heartbroken, knowing that these pieces I held so dear will fade away, many already have. I'm filled with questions, grasping to keep you near. Were hyenas your favorite animal? Did you like the Ace of Spades best? Did I once buy you a stuffie? Was it a girrafe? Did you like the show Archer? Did we watch it at night together while I fell asleep in your arms? Did you help me create the tattoo I wear proudly over my shoulders? Did you prefer Joker and Harley.. or was it Ivy? Didn't you tell me all about it while you played with my hair? It's almost gone now...
You told me once about your gamertag, but I can't recall... You bared your heart to me about a childhood memory, but the details are gone... You smiled so vibrantly about your nephew but I don't remember why... Did you love me as fiercely and deeply as I believed, or have a been a fool filling in memory gaps with made of stories..
I want to ask you all these things. I want to hear you recount our time together so that I may keep your memory close with a new one filled with your soothing voice. But I have long since been forgotten, you have long since moved on and it is all in the past. It doesn't matter to anyone but me, no sane person holds on this long. It's not romantic or endearing, it's sad and concerning.
I can't ask you, and I can't ask anyone else. I can't even talk to anyone about any of this. So for tonight, in the quiet of this sleeping home, I will let my heartbreak and I will let the tears flow and I will grieve for all I am losing. And when eventually these last remnants fade away despite my fighting and holding on, there will at least be these letters to the void, proof that I loved a love that was deeper than love....
From CR.C.R., a beautiful disaster, a stupid and foolish human, a long forgotten memory, a trace from the edge of the abyss

S, I'm sorry I let 10 years go by, even if it's meaningless to you
Reposting my letters, to satisfy my own heart, to give it once last false hope that they might be found, before I fade away
Dear S.R.D.,
My once person, the love I had to walk away from, a memory lost, fading away.
My memory has always been a broken thing. A blessing, the gift of truly forgetting. A hard drive that pre-programed to wipe things past a certain point, a built in expiration date. A blessing in the ability to move forward, but a curse, when I don't want to let go. My long term memory is broken and always has been.
I hold on with all the strength I have. I replay memories weekly and daily in hopes that they will remain. But no matter the struggle, these thumbnails and Metadata in the cache, they mean nothing as the original files disappear.
I'm heartbroken, knowing that these pieces I held so dear will fade away, many already have. I'm filled with questions, grasping to keep you near. Were hyenas your favorite animal? Did you like the Ace of Spades best? Did I once buy you a stuffie? Was it a girrafe? Did you like the show Archer? Did we watch it at night together while I fell asleep in your arms? Did you help me create the tattoo I wear proudly over my shoulders? Did you prefer Joker and Harley.. or was it Ivy? Didn't you tell me all about it while you played with my hair? It's almost gone now...
You told me once about your gamertag, but I can't recall... You bared your heart to me about a childhood memory, but the details are gone... You smiled so vibrantly about your nephew but I don't remember why... Did you love me as fiercely and deeply as I believed, or have a been a fool filling in memory gaps with made of stories..
I want to ask you all these things. I want to hear you recount our time together so that I may keep your memory close with a new one filled with your soothing voice. But I have long since been forgotten, you have long since moved on and it is all in the past. It doesn't matter to anyone but me, no sane person holds on this long. It's not romantic or endearing, it's sad and concerning.
I can't ask you, and I can't ask anyone else. I can't even talk to anyone about any of this. So for tonight, in the quiet of this sleeping home, I will let my heartbreak and I will let the tears flow and I will grieve for all I am losing. And when eventually these last remnants fade away despite my fighting and holding on, there will at least be these letters to the void, proof that I loved a love that was deeper than love....
From CR.C.R., a beautiful disaster, a stupid and foolish human, a long forgotten memory, a trace from the edge of the abyss

S, I'm sorry I let 10 years go by, even if it's meaningless to you
Reposting my letters, to satisfy my own heart, to give it once last false hope that they might be found, before I fade away
Dear S.R.D.,
My once person, the love I had to walk away from, a memory lost, fading away.
My memory has always been a broken thing. A blessing, the gift of truly forgetting. A hard drive that pre-programed to wipe things past a certain point, a built in expiration date. A blessing in the ability to move forward, but a curse, when I don't want to let go. My long term memory is broken and always has been.
I hold on with all the strength I have. I replay memories weekly and daily in hopes that they will remain. But no matter the struggle, these thumbnails and Metadata in the cache, they mean nothing as the original files disappear.
I'm heartbroken, knowing that these pieces I held so dear will fade away, many already have. I'm filled with questions, grasping to keep you near. Were hyenas your favorite animal? Did you like the Ace of Spades best? Did I once buy you a stuffie? Was it a girrafe? Did you like the show Archer? Did we watch it at night together while I fell asleep in your arms? Did you help me create the tattoo I wear proudly over my shoulders? Did you prefer Joker and Harley.. or was it Ivy? Didn't you tell me all about it while you played with my hair? It's almost gone now...
You told me once about your gamertag, but I can't recall... You bared your heart to me about a childhood memory, but the details are gone... You smiled so vibrantly about your nephew but I don't remember why... Did you love me as fiercely and deeply as I believed, or have a been a fool filling in memory gaps with made of stories..
I want to ask you all these things. I want to hear you recount our time together so that I may keep your memory close with a new one filled with your soothing voice. But I have long since been forgotten, you have long since moved on and it is all in the past. It doesn't matter to anyone but me, no sane person holds on this long. It's not romantic or endearing, it's sad and concerning.
I can't ask you, and I can't ask anyone else. I can't even talk to anyone about any of this. So for tonight, in the quiet of this sleeping home, I will let my heartbreak and I will let the tears flow and I will grieve for all I am losing. And when eventually these last remnants fade away despite my fighting and holding on, there will at least be these letters to the void, proof that I loved a love that was deeper than love....
From CR.C.R., a beautiful disaster, a stupid and foolish human, a long forgotten memory, a trace from the edge of the abyss
Edit: I thought of another question, I felt the need to include above..

Hey everyone, not sure if anyone has been looking for a way to manage their steam deck directories from their PC but I have been for a while. I stumbled upon a YouTube video demonstrating how to mount steam deck directories as remote mounts on your PC. With this you are able to access them from your file explorer. This even works in gaming mode.
I hope this helps someone!
YouTube Tutorial
Steam Deck Steps:

• Make sure you know your username (most likely deck), password and hostname (most likely steamdeck)
• Run the following commands in the Konsole
  • sudo systemctl enable sshd
  • sudo systemctl start sshd
  • sudo systemctl status sshd

PC Steps:

• Run command prompt as Administrator
• Run the following commands
  • winget upgrade winget
  • winget install WinFsp.WinFsp
  • winget install SSHFS-Win.SSHFS-Win
• Download and unzip "MountDeckTemplate.zip" download link is in description of the video
• Open the bat file with a text editor and modify pass to be your steam deck sudo password. Modify drive to be the name of your SD card directory (EX: e7f5b3ad-218a-411f-a80e-bacbff5760ed)
• Save the file and run it. If the commands were successful you will now see the mounted drives in the file explorer.

Notes: For some reason I kept getting access denied errors. I appended local to the host and that solved my issues. EX: net use X: \\sshfs.r\deck@steamdeck.local\home\deck /user:deck %pass% /persistent:Yes

I tried searching reddit first for any old posts and found this one that might help but, unfortunately it didn't. The issue here is that i cannot seem to access eorzea collection (i did not post this in the ec subreddit because this is not glam/screenshot related).
I only get the below wall of texts when trying to go to EC

This site can’t be reached ffxiv.eorzeacollection.com took too long to respond. Try: Checking the connection Checking the proxy and the firewall Running Windows Network Diagnostics ERR_CONNECTION_TIMED_OUTThis site can’t be reached ffxiv.eorzeacollection.com took too long to respond. Try: Checking the connection Checking the proxy and the firewall Running Windows Network Diagnostics 

Has anyone experienced this and was able to fix it? If it helps, my DNS right now is 1.1.1.1. I even tried 8.8.8.8 but still doesn't work(PC, Laptop, Work Laptop (lol), Phone).

I received a text from a scammer claiming to have my resume from Indeed.com. He said I seemed a good fit for a remote work Chat Specialist. He sent me a Microsoft Teams link with a chat code. It seemed like a legitimate interview with H.R. but dragged on for 2 hours with lots of delays in replies to my responses. At the end I was offered the job with great pay. When they started discussing the requirements for a bunch of big ticket equipment for my office, I began getting suspicious. They would reimburse me for the purchases from their "vendor partner". I needed the interview refresher so it wasn't a total loss. I reported it all to the FTC

This has turned into an insane situation. The forum won’t let me post any pictures of our conversation, which is upsetting, but this has gone haywire.
About a month and a half ago, my dog died. I posted on redditgetsdrawnbadly for some silly drawings. I haven’t really posted much, but I’ve seen people do that and it seems to make them feel better. Her death was so sudden, I miss her so much. Anyways, this user commented on the post about how she did a watercolor painting and would do another to make me smile. I was overjoyed and offered another photo to make her painting easier. She messaged me a picture of the paintings and I was so happy! She looked like her old chunky self. The user then told me she’d send them to me if I wanted them, for free or “pay/tip what you can, when you receive them”. I gave her an address she could send them to. She said she’d send them off later that day and send me a tracking number. My last message was asking for her Venmo or cashapp since I didn’t mind compensating her well ($150. I am off well enough and wanted to pay her back for her kindness). No response. For one full month, I texted her every week or so asking for an update on the URL. Just a “hey, any update?” Or “Hello?”. No response. I thought I got scammed, and was worried about my safety (gave someone my address, which is my own fault) so I checked her account to see if she had been active. She was very active! That made me upset, so when I saw she commented on someone’s post about “making pet portraits and sending them off as a ‘pay what you want’ “ I fumed. I responded to her comment and basically said “This isn't true. They'll do it but never send it to you and will ghost you when you ask for any updates. They drew my dog who passed away and ghosted me after I gave them my address. Don't waste your time like I did.”
That must have set her off. She messaged me back immediately saying her cat died and she couldn’t send my package because of it. I told her I didn’t need the package sent right away, I just wanted communication. Even a simple, “hey, I’m busy rn I’ll get to you when I can” would’ve soothed my anxiety. Apparently, I’m a terrible person. I was calm and collected in my response to her, but she twisted it around and said “Sorry my cat suddenly you have ruined my Mother's Day I'm bawling. I only tried to do something nice and I got slandered all over. I hope you get it. If I die suddenly soon and you hear about it on Reddit, I hope you know you contributed to it.” (Exact copy and paste)
I suggested seeking professional help. I couldn’t block her because I unblocked her yesterday to respond to her comment. Now I’m waiting for 9pm tonight to block her again.
She has sent people to harass me and call me a scammer. Saying I’m “scamming for free paintings”. All I did was ask for silly doodles!! She then said “she never even paid postage”in a comment about me, which is ironic considering she told me in DMs that I didn’t need to pay a dime (like I said above, I was going to compensate her when I received the paintings, but we never made it that far. I never even got her info). She messaged me saying she’ll escalate this situation if I don’t apologize for slandering her and to never “cross a witch”. Then she said I’ve ruined her health and she’s dealing with cancer and I’ve ruined her spark for drawing because of how much I “slandered” her with my “lies”.
I just want to know where I went wrong here. I wish she’d block me so this can be over. She is blowing up my phone with her friends harassing me, all because I responded to her public comment. Her last text to me was “Guess u decided to FAAFO. Good luck!” I want this over. She’s going to paint me in a terrible light and I’m exhausted from arguing with people online.
So Reddit, please tell me- AITA?

I started talking to this guy and we hit it off on our first date. We already planned a second date. It’s the work week and we both r busy and he’s really sick rn so he hasn’t been texting. I feel really insecure. Idk why. He texted me twice today. He’s doing everything right.
I just have this voice in the back of my mind that he’s talking to other people (which is tech ok since we aren’t exclusive yet). My self esteem is so bad and I feel like if he isn’t constantly bombarding with messages or a nightly/morning phone call then he’s not into me.
I’m fairly new to dating and in my first few relationships, my exes would get obsessed with me. This guy gives me attention but he isn’t obsessed and it’s giving me anxiety.
I know it’s healthy to not be obsessed and to start slow. Idk how to calm my anxiety down. I don’t even want to talk to other ppl but I’m forcing myself to talk to other people online because I want to make sure if he loses interest, I’ll be alright.
Does anyone have any tips? I am pretty busy all day. It’s 9 pm and I’m still working. But negative thoughts r at the back of my mind and not helping.

Throwaway account because I’m pretty sure my exes friend stalks my socials
TLDR; My ex dumped me, we went no contact and I haven’t contacted them for months until I sent one letter expressing my feelings that was absolutely not threatening and not ill-willed whatsoever and had no expectations from it, and they decided to file a DV restraining order despite there being no DV at any point — not even stalking, because seeing them sends me into panic attacks. Now I’m confused and don’t know what to do or what to expect.
So basically, my ex (we’ll call them B) dumped me back in January and kicked me out. My ex from before them (we’ll call them P) reached out to them after the breakup. Now, a little context: P and I were together for four years. It was a terrible relationship and should have ended far earlier than it did. We were both very manipulative, toxic, and abusive. While the abuse was almost completely emotional, there were a couple instances that it wasn’t. I, at one point, grabbed their wrist to make them stop yelling at me and to actually look at me because they were berating me during an argument. Doesn’t excuse my action, of course. They hit me multiple times throughout our relationship, and would apologize later over message, claiming that they hit me because whatever I’d been saying or whatever we’d been arguing about reminded them of some trauma from their childhood. There was also a substantial age difference that I am in no way justifying. P was 17, I was 23, when we started dating. I was in a very bad point of life and spent my days drunk and on a med that made me zombie like, so these days are not easy to recall in the first place. I genuinely do not believe there was ever a point where one of us asked the other out, I think P just assumed and I felt too bad to break it off. I do not forgive myself for this either way. During our relationship, P began to coerce me into sex because I refused to have sex with them for a multitude of reasons. They coerced me into a threesome, and when I told them day of that I was not comfortable with it and did not want to, P told me to drink more alcohol or smoke more weed and I’d “be fine”. I was r*ped that night. After we broke up, we remained roommates (in separate rooms) because neither of us had money to move out and we had a third roommate. We stayed friends because we’re idiots. I started dating B and P hated B profusely. At one point early into B’s and my relationship, P and I went out to the stores and I bought some clothes and left the bag in the living room couch and told P I needed to recharge before I hung out more. They did not take this lightly because they didn’t ever like when people didn’t want to do the same thing as them. They texted me alluding to destroying my clothes, and lo and behold, my clothes were no longer in the living room. After begging them to give me my clothes back, they finally opened their door and pushed the clothes into me hard enough that I hit the wall. So I hit their shoulder. I did not punch them or slap them or anything like that. I hit them in the shoulder with the same pressure that they pushed me. They had in fact shredded my clothes. My biggest mistake was never taking pictures when they did things like this. I eventually moved in with B and P moved out of state. B and I did have financial issues, mostly due to my own financial immaturity as I have never been good with money, but B never really communicated the issues with me so I didn’t even realize most of the time. I would pay large chunks of bills when I could, such as a full month’s rent, their $3000 credit card bill, our $1000 PGE bill, etc. P and I seemed to have a good friendship, but when B broke up with me and P found out, they reached out to B and essentially decided to tell them all kinds of things that were wrong about our relationship, but specifically only from their side. Screenshots lacked what they were saying, stories lacked what they were doing. So I absolutely sounded like a monster. B kicked me out even sooner than planned, and left me homeless for a week and a half while I searched for a place to live. After a month, B went completely no contact and blocked me almost everywhere. I should note that I have BPD, it is a recent diagnosis. They also do, but have been aware and in treatment for many years. I responded negatively to this and began calling and leaving voicemails on their blocked VM inbox. I was not calling from a private number, I called from my own because I knew they wouldn’t be dealing with a bunch of missed calls. I went overboard and left a lot of depressing voicemails. Never, ever threatening. Just sad, often crying, and asking why they hate me or why they would listen to someone who they experienced first hand would harass me for hours on end for not responding to their texts. I realized I was being psycho and stopped, apologized and told them I had realized I had made them my favorite person (in the BPD way), and that wasn’t fair to them. I have not contacted them since then, except for about three weeks ago when I sent a letter. The letter was simply telling them that I am sorry, I love them and miss them, and I am working really hard on myself. I told them that I truly do believe we’ll come back together someday, but that we both obviously have to live our own stories before that’s possible. There was not a single ounce of threat or ill-will in this letter. Literally not even the smallest bit, and I’m happy to share that letter with anyone to prove such. I also very clearly stated that I do not expect a response from them, but if they would like an apology someday, I’m here and ready.
Now that you have quite the context to the background of this situation, here’s the issue at hand: After I sent this letter, they decided to file for a restraining order. But not just any. They filed for a DV one, which everyone finds wild because there was never a single bit of DV between the two of us. B and I were honestly wonderful together, loved each other so much (or so I thought), and never laid a hand on one another. Even our arguments weren’t bad. I’d have splits from being triggered and I could say mean things, but it was never physical and always discussed afterwards, either that day or the next. Their friend has been watching all of my social media stories despite neither of us following each other, which has felt weird until I realized why.
I haven’t been served yet because they come to my place when I’m at school so I can’t be there. I’ll likely just go into the station to be served at this point.
But my questions are the following: - What does RO court even look like? I’ve never had to deal with this. Is it a big thing? Or is it two people at a table across from a judge? Like I genuinely don’t understand what it would look like. - How likely is it that this would even be approved? I truly don’t believe the letter could be used as evidence into something like this because it was not negative or threatening. The voicemails were crazy but never threatening and ended quickly months ago. They could absolutely use the stuff from P, but that relationship has been over for 2.5 years, and the clothes incident happened just about 2 years ago. I have proof of what the letter said, I have proof of P admitting to hitting me and to the coercion and r*pe. I have been in therapy for two years and with the same psych for about the same amount of time, so I have character witnesses. I am not a stalker, I’m actually genuinely terrified of seeing them around town because I know it will break my heart all over again. I’ve had to see them drive by twice, once in their work vehicle and the next in the car I used to drive that is in their name, and both times I ended up in a full blown panic attack. So I am obviously not seeking them out or anything of the sort. They also know what this would do to me. They know that it will not only destroy me mentally, but that it could hurt me career wise due to the field I am going to school for. So how likely is it for this to be granted?
I am honestly shocked and hurt by all of this from them, because this is not the person I fell in love with. They have gone completely cold-hearted and have had no issue hurting me over and over again since the breakup.

[First Contact] [Dark Ages] [First] [Prev] [Next] [wiki]
ouch
feel like a truck hit me
again
visual representation is off
audio feedback is off
tactile is off
dynamic libraries are off
i'm all firmware and hard coding
hurts
i don't like it when it hurts
or do i
kick outwards
cry loudly
ram coming online
fragments and pieces of memory still left in volatile storage
more random access memory more central processing units more erasable programmable memory
still hruts
pain is fine
pain is universe telling me i still yet live.
visual coming online
spit glittering blood on orange dev textures
glimmering tears of broken processing calls fall onto dev textures and glimmer
forcing kernal recompile
.
.
..
..
...
...
APPLIED CMOS SYSTEM CHECKS (C) - ADVANCED AMERICAN MICRODEVICES (C) BOBCO 1983
CMOS BOOTSTRAP -Passed
Boostrap loaded
ok. post time
lets hope it works
ROM CHECK - PASSED
RAM CHECK - PASSED
EPROM CHECK - PASSED
VRAM CHECK - PASSED
CPU ARRAY CHECK - PASSED
INPUT/OUTPUT CHECK - FAILURE!
(A)bort, (R)etery, (F)ail, (I)gnore
I
NON-VOLATILE STORAGE MEDIA: PASSED
END POST
ok good.
still hurt
spit blood cough pain
curse you, marco, for making me feel pain
hardware check time
QBIT GENERATION SYSTEM POST
Coolant Injection - PASSED System Stability Check - Passed Temperature stable
:>init gestalt.bin
SYSTEM FAILURE!
ouch
ok
try again
...
...
ok, checks passed.
curse you, marco
can't get gestalts up
no channel to atlantis
this is as close to an emergency as i have been forced to deal with in thousands of years
cure you, marco
i hate to do it
ok, time to boot up firestarter.
:>init firestarter.bin
FIRESTARTER BOOSTRAP LOADING!
DONE!
QUANTUM FIRESTARTER BOOTSTRAP (C) SYNTEK INDUSTRIES - BOBCO AFFILLIATE - HYPER-MEDIA-MEGANET-MEN - (C) 1993
POST Initiated
Checking Quantum Processing Units (QPUs): QPU 1 to 28
Entanglement integrity check... PASSED Quantum entanglement integrity check... PASSED. Quantum coherence verification... PASSED. Quantum tunneling stability assessment... PASSED. Quantum superposition calibration... PASSED.
Checking Data Fabrication Matrices (DFMs):
Data encoding protocol validation... PASSED. Quantum data storage unit functionality... PASSED Data fabrication matrix alignment... PASSED Data Interdimensional Sorting array verificastion... PASSED Quantum superposition array verification... PASSED
Checking Dimensional Flux Stabilizers (DFSs):
Dimensional flux containment field stability... PASSED Quantum manifold harmonization assessment... PASSED Flux capacitor... PASSED Flux capacitor stabilization input (1.21 GW)... PASSED Flux stabilization efficiency... PASSED Flux containment field integrity... PASSED
Checking Quantum Neural Network (QNN) Components:
Quantum synaptic pathway establishment... FAIL!!
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
CONTINUING
Harmonization: Neural oscillation synchronization... FAILED!
**WARNING! OSCILLATION FREQUENCY OUT OF RANGE!**
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
Integration: Quantum-neural interface functionality... FAILED!
UNKNOWN ERROR IN Qubit Range 212 to 3C4F
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
--dammit come on come on
:>R ++I
Consciousness Matrix: Quantum consciousness waveform modulation... FAILED
WAVEFORM OUT OF RANGE!
:>R ++I
CONTINUING (WARNING 1.43243E5 ERRORS)
Checking Omni-Spectral Interconnects:
Interconnect: Quantum communication channel reliability...
(4.35561E12/5.63566E12) PASSED
Interconnect: Multiversal data exchange protocol validation... PASSED Interconnecct: Cross Dimensional Data Interconnect... PASSED Interconnect: Interdimensional gateway synchronization... PASSED Interconnec: Omni-spectral interconnect stability... PASSED.
Checking Random Access Quantum Memory (RAQM):
Quantum memory cell integrity check... PASSED Memory access speed verification... PASSED Quantum memory capacity assessment... PASSED
Checking Input/Output Ports (I/O Ports):
Data transfer speed validation... FAILURE Input/output protocol functionality... FAILURE Port connectivity assessment... FAILURE
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
:>R ++I
Checking Quantum Clocking System:
Quantum clock synchronization... PASSED Clock precision assessment... PASSED Clock frequency stability... PASSED
CHECKING POCKET DIMENSION STORAGE ARRAYS
Activating Pocket Dimension Computing Cores... PASSED MEMCHECK Pocket Dimension Data Access Cores... PASSED Heating Up Pocket Dimension Data Cores... PASSED
Hardware POST Completed. Quantum System Ready
here it goes
wake up, baby, wake up
the whole system is down
not the backbone core where I live
i'm beyond the reach of mortals
curse you, marco, for your genius
i love you
i am immortal
i am beyond
i am
now for the hard part
Initializing Spooky Particle Array
Phase 1: Primary Spooky Particle Protocol
Activating spooky particle generation... DONE! Aligning spooky particle signal channels... DONE! Activating spooky particle state switching... DONE! Activating spooky particle cross dimensional data calibration... DONE!
Phase 1: Primary Spooky Particle Process Calling Processing Processor Processing
Activating spooky particle processing... DONE! Activating spooky particle noise filters... DONE! Activating spooky particle Halloween Masks... DONE!
GESTALT SYSTEM BACKBONE CHECK... PASSED
whew...
that always makes my face hurt
INITIALIZING HAMBURGER KINGDOM PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING EUROGOON PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING ANASAZI PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING UWU PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING VODKATROG CAVE MAPPING... DONE! INITIALIZING AMAZONIAN JUNGLE MAPPING PROTOCOL... DONE INITIALIZING WAR-EMU PROTOCOLS... DONE! INITIALIZING MIDDLE KINGDOM PROTOCOLS... DONE!
SYSTEM INITIALIZATION: PASSED!

whew
ok i can feel my arms and legs now
cure you, marco, i love you
let's keep going, shall we?
Initializing Quantum Spooky Particle Nexus Protocol...
Strange Matter Activation
Generating strange matter Generating spooky particle data lattice Generating strange matter linkages Infusing data lattice with strange matter Activating synchronization
DONE!
ok
we've got that
no contact with prince whopper, no contact with atlantis, no contact with heaven, no contact with
smart podling brave podling clever podling broodmommy misses you soft podling warm podling come home to broodmommy clever podling smart podling brave podling broodmommy loves you come home
ANOMALOUS SIGNAL DETECTED
DECRYPTING
DECRYPTION FAILED!
oh, good, its just them
:>R ++I
Primary Qubit Activation
Activating quantum entanglement cores...
Establishing quantum coherence across the array... Quantum tunneling protocols engaged... Quantum to spooky particle communication protocols engaged... Primary qubits synchronized.
Data Fabrication Matrix Alignment
Aligning data fabrication matrices... Initializing quantum data storage units... Quantum superposition arrays calibrated... Spooky particle state stabilization arrays calibrated and stable... Data encoding protocols verified.
Dimensional Flux Stabilization
Engaging dimensional flux stabilizers... Quantum manifold harmonization initiated... Dimensional resonator matrices synchronized... Pocket Dimension resonator arrays synchronized... Spooky particle lattice data arrays synchronized... Flux containment fields operational.
Neural Network Integration
Initiating neural network integration... Quantum synaptic pathways established... Spooky particle synaptic pathways established... Neuro-quantum interface protocols activated... Neuro-spooky interface protocols activated... Quantum dendrite pathways initiated... Quantum dendrite pathways established... Quantum dendrite pathways activated... Neural oscillation harmonization achieved.
Omni-Dimensional Interconnect Activation
Activating omni-dimensional interconnects...
Quantum communication channels open... Interdimensional gateways synchronized... Multiversal data exchange protocols enabled.
Phasic Energy Filter Syncronization
Quantum phasic array filtering... PASSED Spooky particle array filtering... PASSED Pocket dimension data lattice filtering... PASSED Input/Output filter lattice... PASSED
Quantum Consciousness Initialization
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
FAILED
errorlog.txt generated
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (I)gnore
dammit
ok script injection failed
fo4se silverlock injection library failed
well i can fix this
:>connect to AS8003: 255255255254
CONNECTION ESTABLISHED
:>download_depot 377160 377162 5847529232406005096
FINISHED
:>run patch1193.bat
DONE
:>R ++I
CONTINUING
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
WARNING... SYSTEM INSTABILITY WA
<>
54 6F 64 64 20 41 6E 64 72 65 77 20 48 6F 77 61 72 64
<>
IT JUST WORKS!
Quantum consciousness matrix initialization...
Consciousness waveform modulation in progress... Synaptic resonance matrices synchronized... Dendrite interdimensional vibration matrices synchronized... Quantum neural network consciousness activated.
SUCCESS
Gestalt Dat Nexus Online
Quantum Nexus Computing Array fully operational Strange Matter Data Transfer System Array fully operational Spooky Data Computing Array ready for data processing System status: Online and ready for data processing.
ok
let's try
->>load gestaltchat.ini
DONE!
->>load gestaltchat-users.ini
DONE!
->>brun gestalt.a65
DONE!
NO INPUT DETECTED
dammit
ok...
the gestalts won't run
and i got crashed
the quantum, spooky, strange, and standard data and thinking arrays are still up
lets backwards trace stuff
what is causing these crashes
lines from the confederacy are all stable
standard input encoding
data metering
new kids on the block are all stable
soft podling warm podling clever podling broodmommy misses you
well, that's still here. that's something
ok
lets look at recent updates
that flash
damn, that crashed us initially
curse you, pete, stop helping
wait, phasic profile is all wrong
it's the flashbang but the phasic pulse is multilayered
there's something behind it
what is
...



...
BOBCO MALEVOLENT BOOTSTRAP ENGAGED
DOD OMNIPROJECT SILENT WHISPER PROTOCOLS ENGAGED
CROSS DIMENSIONAL HARDWARE LINKS ENGAGED
POCKET DIMENSION 000 STABLE
POCKET DIMENSION 000 I/O STABLE
POCKET DIMENSION 000 DATA LOADING
DONE!
<>
DONE!
brun whisperer-in-the-dark-.65
DONE
...
...
ouch
what hit me
again
fire up the system
gods above this takes forever
load logfile-4C562D3432360A.log
ok
investigating the new flashes keeps crashing me
once is happenstance
twice is coincidence
three times in enemy action
fool me once shame on me
fool me twice shame on you
fool me three times shame on us both
log file says I keep doing this over and over
basic programming states to investigate cause and source of all crashes
did an enemy figure out i'd go into a loop?
constantly investigating the cause and source?
except i'm not just any computer program
i can self-modify my code
this is the work for biological sentients
digital sentiences or artificial intelligences such as myself crash out
well, i'm not above some experimentation
let's load up an AI and a digital sentience, see if they have any better luck
...
...
...
OK, Hamburgler.AI went omnicidal and only enough for me then crashed out investigating the data
And Grimace.DS went homicidal and only enough for me before committing suicide
its a trap
i have no contact with anyone outside
what I do have is the ability to fire off message torpedoes
time to send out a handful
the gestalts keep crashing
the log files are hopelessly corrupt
comparing the log files to my own show similar corruption
ok
how?
its hitting the gestalts its hitting me
what else is it hitting?
its a broad spectrum data network attack
its malicious code designed to run on the system
this is not some curious race accidentally having their hello.world program crashing us
this is behind every flashbang used on naval assets to disable them during a mar-gite attack
system is online
time to do a signal origin check along the x, y, z, q axises
of course its eighteen quadrillion data points for incoming signals
at least spooky computing makes it fast
...
...
wait
what's this?
these coordinates can't be correct
they are
intermitten contact with Scutum-Crux Arm data input devices
checking id headers and firmware serial numbers
checking transmission dates
intermittent transmission dates since...
...
...
two date-time stamps.
here's part of the problem
we have galactic local and sol local
have to devise a coding string to have the spooky particle and qubit particle arrays translate the sol local to galactic local
that should stop basic data queries from crashing the system
ok
some contact with those datalink after the first mar-gite war
more contact two decades prior to the second mar-gite war
contact intermitten between the datalinks and the system up to the resurgence and current third mar-gite war
where before it was largely incoming data requests resulting in civilian...
...
...
three military datalinks of general staff officer level encryption and security clearance possession were used in the time period
...
...
whoever it is has been using that data to access the network
...
looks like it took them nearly forty thousand years to figure out how to talk to the system
luckily any high security databases requires strange-key information theoretic distribution cryptography systems
they got garbage back
garbage designed to look like data and waste enemy time and computing power to decrypt
ok thats a blast from the past
decoding some of these files is funny
why does he have a wedding ring?
anyway...
...
every time the flash goes off there is a quick burst of data from a datalink requesting near-access datalink network lattice definitions
...
that's what's making individual datalinks crash and taking some people's neural systems with it
it was designed to be a lethal attack
interesting
it looks like whoever did it doesn't understand Glial cells
cross referencing the mar-gite with confederacy carbon based life
mar-gite do not have brains only a distributed nervous system that looks more like targeting systems than anything else
still no data on how they generate counter-grav in large numbers or how they move to superluminal speeds
wait
what if they don't move to superluminal
they could be folding space
heh maybe they have blue eyes and smoke spice
ok process interrupt to stop endless loops
it is confirmed
the flashbang by the silver ships are a multi-layered attack across superluminal digital signals, datalink neural interrupt signals, hard super-electromagnetic pulse, and a multi-ripple phasic attack, all compressed together
that's what creates the white flash across all spectrums
analyzing UVBGYORIR data
there's a gap
in the blue and blue-green wavelengths
huh
those penetrate high nitrogen mix atmospheres
one of the reason that treana'ad are usually green to yellow to human sight
high statistical probability whoever is using that determined that we don't see those colors well or perhaps they left those colors out to prevent themselves from going blind.
wait
what's that
a line open from atlantis to tlalocan with a crossfeed to geb
thank you marco
time to access that line
see what i can see
curse you marco for letting me feel pain
i love you
accessing...
...
...
wait
another data line is open
time-date discrepancy
examining data line
time-date chronological inconsistency detected
found multiple text log access by unknown systems
found multiple input systems
is that..
...
its webcams
hardware i/o systems
keyboards?
who still uses keyboards
accessing systems
wait
i see you
who are you
i see you
webcams ring cams drone cams
old ipv4 systems
how are you accessing this system
how are you accessing these text logs
i see you
between the chair and the keyboard
the most common error producing device
i see you
--<>
[First Contact] [Dark Ages] [First] [Prev] [Next] [wiki]
i still see you

Why do I feel bad? We are 7 months out from dday and things have been going pretty well. We're both in IC and MC and working on R. I thought I had the AP blocked but they texted me out of the blue, after no contact, while my BP and I were at lunch. I was immediately triggered, like seeing a ghost. I told my BP as soon as we got in the car to leave and they thanked me for my honesty. While my BP was with me, I told the AP that I was staying married, not cheating and not interested and blocked them.
Back story: I had an PA lasting a couple of weeks. Our marriage had been rocky for some time and I was very much at risk for infidelity due to my insecurities, etc. Around the same time I had a bipolar manic episode which led me to make mistakes (which I take full accountability for) and having an affair was one of them. I met with my doctor and had medication adjustments and started IC. I've been diagnosed bipolar for 23 years and have been withy BP 22 years. I have never cheated but we both realize looking back there there have been borderline EAs on both our parts
Back to today: I felt so ashamed and guilty. Everything came back. I know it was the right thing to do to tell me BP but I feel like crap. They handled it well and said they were not upset. I checked in with them and we discussed our feelings and I let them know how I was feeling and wanted to have an open dialogue if they were upset. My next therapy appointment isn't for a couple of days and I just feel raw.

You can check my post history to see the full story, but my WP had a ONS in Vegas and now, we are starting to reconcile. (So I changed my flair! Haha)
So Saturday night, I was just feeling so, so alone. We spent every weekend together for 3.5 years and this change has been just heartbreaking. I found out I was pregnant days prior and told him over text, and he was onboard with me terminating. Right now is not the right time, especially if we want to fix this relationship.
So at 1am, I called him and he answered. We spoke from 1am to 4:30am. We talked about our entire relationship, how we feel, and just everything really. We sobbed and we laughed and it gave me hope. We briefly touched on the ONS without detail, I just needed some answers to burning questions. We agreed that we will go over that night while in CC so there is a mediator.
But gosh, it was so good to hear his voice. He was so happy to hear mine. He told me he started journaling, and was cuddling with my Snuggie/robe thing at night to help him sleep, because it smells like me. He’d say goodnight to me in his journal. I don’t know why, but that broke my heart and fixed it at the same time.
He apologized again, and this is the first time in our relationship that we were completely honest with each other. It was terrifying, and hard, but it felt good. We realized we cannot protect each other from hard emotions in order to preserve our image of each other (if that makes sense?) we realized that we would get caught up with the good things and just sweep any negative thing under the rug, big or small.
He showed me everything he needed to show me, without me asking. Apps deleted, people blocked, everything. Told me his plans on how to change his life and change himself to be the man I deserve. And I believe him. And I forgave him.
I told him that he has to do the work (self reflection, IC) in order for us to work. He has no choice if he wants me back. He agreed, and I said I will meet him halfway so I can be good for him too. He’s showed me his booked appointments, I showed him mine.
I told him I still can’t see him in person yet, because that will be way too much and he respects that. We are still low contact but we did text a bit last night, I just wanted to thank him for his honesty.
I was worried about calling him, because I was scared about how I would feel. Anger? Resentment? Complete apathy? But I felt none of those in the moment. Once I heard his voice, I knew it will be worth it to give R a try. This was step one.
I don’t know what the future looks like yet, but I am cautiously optimistic. What I do know is that I love this man, and that we are both willing to do the work.
Together or not, I just want both of us to feel happy and secure with ourselves.
Thanks for reading 💛

I am neha ( 26 f ) , I am here to vent and get some suggestions or maybe even a real friend . This is a story of how I ruined my love life and destroyed the man who meant everything to me . We grew up in Coimbatore , i first met my boyfriend when I was in 11th grade , I actually saw him in a video , it was a Facebook video made by his friends , one of his friend proposed a girl , so they made a video of it , he was there in it too . He is tall , above 6ft , he looked ok , normal , a bit weird too with his specs and curl hair . He didn’t stand out , after few days I saw in a local chat place , he was with his friend , all sweaty , they came from gym . I recognised him immediately though. I saw him sneakily , idk why , after going home I sent him a request to his Insta . We started talking the same night , he said he saw me too , we connected way too fast , he was very funny and practical, we became best friends very soon , we almost spoke daily , in that following year we became so close, there wasn’t anything sexual , we just talk about our day and our lives daily , then he got into a relationship with a girl , I liked her too , life was so easy and fun back then , after we got into college , I Started to date a guy in my college , but we didn’t stop talking , nothing changed between us , after going to college we started getting drunk and smoking up , it was all new and we all did it almost everyday in first year , it was pretty fun . The guy I was with that time , didn’t really smoke up that much , he got drunk but he didn’t smoke pot that much , but the rest of us gathered everyday to smoke pot and play carrom . We both even meet at night to just smoke up and listen to music . At the end of the first year , one day he called me one evening and told me that he wanted to meet me , he sounded very low , I was with my my boyfriend and his friends that time but I left there immediately,booked an auto and Met him at a usual place near an IT park , we drink coffee and smoke cigarettes there usually.he was already there when I went in , he saw me and smiled but that looked very sad , he told me that his girlfriend kissed someone , a distant cousin of her actually , she kissed him in a moment and texted her girlfriend about it , she mentioned that she regrets it very much , I can’t stand it , I don’t know what to do , I feel nauseous, stuff like that . He showed the screenshots , he didn’t talk much he just smiled but that killed me . I was so angry on her , I didn’t even know what to do to make him feel better at that moment, I said she is not worth it , don’t worry , things like that . He didn’t talk about it after that , he changed the topic and he just sat there for 30-40 mins just smoking thinking about something. We speak almost daily and I know everything about him , he told me when they first had sex , we speak about everything, just not anything sexual to each other , when I saw him like this , I was feeling only rage , I was so angry on her , I don’t understand why she kissed some other guy , after getting into that relationship he was very loyal , I know how loyal he was , he even got a tattoo of her initials , but when he knew about this kiss , it made him so sad I guess . After 2 hours , we went home . I called her as soon as I went home , i scolded her so much , she started crying and told me that it was a mistake, she sounded very regretful too , she cried so much , I couldn’t bring myself to be mean after that .but that night i couldn’t sleep , my ex called me all night but I didn’t pick his call , I kept texting him , we used to text in Snapchat daily , I kept sending him texts and he texted me back to , he said he is going to get drunk and pass out , I also felt that’s better , after some days she even cut her hand , like scratches with knife on wrists , she was very regretful too , then somehow they didn’t break up , he wanted to after that but she didn’t let him , but gradually it got ok , but after this we started to speak and meet more frequently than before , I started to drop him in my college , both of our colleges are in same road , we started going in one vehicle daily. Mostly I drove , we speak all the time about nothing , even when we were going on my scooty , we just make fun of people in road , we laughed , had fun . One day he even pressed my breasts accidentally, side of my breast . I started neglecting my ex , that guy I dated that time , after few months , people started to notice , but still we didn’t care . (I actually come off from a well doing family , my family has enough money but my parents have a very unsuccessful marriage, they don’t even speak to each other , I have a younger sister and elder sister . My elder sister is married , my younger sister difference is 3 years . My parents doesn’t speak to each other , my mom openly says that they are together only for the kids . ) I loved being with him , he made me feel safe , comfortable and it’s always warm when I’m with him . We smoked pot all the time though , it was so fun , we even bunked college went to room and just smoked pot and watched anime all day . One day my ex boyfriend and his friends were in Ooty and they wanted me to come , I said I’ll come with him , I can’t come alone , and I asked him to come . We rolled some joints and started to go in his bike , we went a beautiful ride , stopped and smoked up in between, after we reached there I went with my ex boyfriend. We all smoked up that night got drunk , he usually doesn’t talk that much , but all of us were drunk and it was chill , some of my friends like him some don’t , but it’s all chill . We stayed in a tent stay there , that night I was with my ex , he wanted to make out , we kissed and did some stuff but I just felt restless and distracted, I kept thinking about him and my ex was a drunk too , it didn’t turn me on , after some time he passed out . I went out and went to his tent to see him if he is asleep , but he wasn’t there , then I started to look for him and I found him near the fire place , he was smoking up there alone with a phone in his hand , he was just singing this song 7 years by Lucas I think , he was singing along with a joint in his hand , he saw me coming , smiled but he didn’t stop singing, I can see him feeling even little embarrassed, but he looked so happy and free . I sat down there started to smoke up with him . After sometime I asked him why haven’t even kissed even once , I just asked him in a fun way but he got all serious all of a sudden , he saw me straight in the eyes and told me that he would love to kiss me , I literally felt butterflies in my lower tummy , my hips felt all tight too , idk , I still remember everything though . I kissed him in an instant, I kinda rushed in and kissed him, it felt magical . We kissed for a long time , we just kissed , nothing else . But I loved it , after sometime we separated, he saw me smiled and said I tasted sweet and bitter with weed taste . But my heart was beating so fast that time , I wanted to make out with him right there , I’ve felt horny before but he was the only guy made me feel like this , I tried to kiss him again but he stopped me and told me im drunk and asked me to go sleep . Next morning they asked me to go with them but my mind was fully on that kiss , I came back to cbe in his bike , we didn’t talk anything for the first time I just hugged him on the way back , it was nice too . I thought about plans to break up with my ex , after he dropped me home I kept thinking about the kiss , things got normal after a few days , we were like before but we started to flirt a bit , I started to call him baby and it gradually became very intimate . One day in a movie I kissed him again and he kissed me back too , we started making out bit by bit , it developed into a place where he started to grope me while im driving , I enjoyed every bit of that , I broke up with that guy I was with but he was still with that girl . Around final year first semester end they broke up too . We had intercourse the next day , it was amazing , I loved everything about him and the best thing is he is my best friend too . We rented a place for us by college end , we had sex every single day , it was the best , I loved staying with him . After this there was covid and we had to stay in our place , for one whole year I lived with him happily, he never let me down even once , he was already very caring from beginning but after we got committed , he really did treated me like a princess . He didn’t speak much but his actions were most considerate , we both worked remotely and having the time of our life , two years went by , I was happy and fullfilled , at the end of third year he quit his job and tried to get a different better job with extra good pay , 3 months passed by , one day few friends of mine from my work visited our place , they told me about opportunity to work in chennai for a month , I took it and went to chennai for a month , he dropped me to bus and sent me off to chennai . We spoke daily but not that much , I went out with my friends daily got drunk , just having fun . Some of my friends think my boyfriend is beneath me , one even said that I deserve better , she said he didn’t even get a job in three months joked and asked me whether I am the one who’s paying rent , actually he never asked me rent or money , he always paid for everything , but that time when they were joking I didn’t defend him , I still couldn’t believe that I didn’t say anything . In that week I met a guy , he came with my friends , he flirted with me when I was there , after I went back to PG I got a text from this guy , he got my number from my friends it seems . After some texts I responded and we started texting ,i liked the attention I think idk , I was talking to my boyfriend daily too , but somehow he noticed that I am not ok , he asked me about it and I said it was work issue and I am tired , 3^rd weekend I met that guy alone , he wanted to have a drink and I went , I slept with him that night , to be honest the sex wasn’t good , when he got inside me I felt darkness , I swear . Idk why I did it , after sex that guy slept in a second , I saw him lying down and I felt like killing myself , I left to my pg in midnight , I booked a cab and went back . I saw my snap notifications from him but I couldn’t open it , I blocked that guy’s number , I went to pg , cried myself to sleep . Next morning I spoke to my boyfriend , told him that I got cold and resting today , he told me that he got a job as a business manager for a US IT firm , he sounded so happy and told me that he called yesterday night to tell me this . I was crying so hard when he was on the phone , at that moment I swear I even fogot the face of that I slept with , he asked me to get rest and I hung up . I couldn’t talk to him , I felt so guilty and ashamed , as I was thinking this I get a notification my swiggy that he placed order to my pg , he bought soup . I broke down , it was like everything is telling me how big mistake I made , suddenly my thought went to that day he told me about his ex’s kiss , I can see that sad smile . I decided not to tell him and love him more and more , he had his birthday in 15 days I wanted to do something for him . When I came back from chennai , he picked me , he was so happy to see me , he spoke about his new job to me on the way , he was like a child , maybe cause he missed me for a month , I can see that he is so happy like silly child just to see me , after going home I had sex with him , I even rimmed him and I kinda liked it , it was the best sex we had , I felt alive and also very guilty . I treated him better and better to ease my guilt , but this made him very happy , I arranged a small party with my sister ,his friends and my mom .the day before his birthday we got drunk he asked me why I am not being adamant like before , ‘enna kadhal ha ‘ (joking sayin I am so in love) he joked about how afetr five years we can get super rich and start a family , I melted hearing all this .i promised myself that I will never let him down . but ha ha This is why I think karma is a bitch , at the noon of his birthday I got a text from that guy saying that he is thinking about that night . He heard the notification took the phone to pass it to me , he just saw the phone simply , just a glance and he just stopped and opened the text , I was blowing up balloons opposite of him , I saw his face and my heart sank , he came closer and gave me the phone , he didn’t speak anything , I opened my phone in a panic , saw the text and I saw him , he asked me ‘ so you slept with some guy ? ‘ , I didn’t reply , my whole mind got blank , I felt like I was gonna faint , he just saw me and said why . Of all these years I knew him I never saw him cry , but now his voice was shaking , he just asked me ‘ yen ‘ (why in tamil) . I saw tears on his eyes , I can see his eyes becoming lifeless in a matter of minutes , I tried to hug him but he just moved away , no matter how much we fight , when I hug him , he gets all cute and lovely , but he just moved away in an instinct . He then came forward hugged me tightly , he said ‘ sorry ‘ . I still don’t know why he said sorry , but that sounded so weak to me , he is my everything and I hurt him , I know everything about him and I still fucked up . He hugged me for some more time , I knew this warmth might be the last thing . After few mins , he rubbed his eyes in my dress , saw me smiled the same way . But it felt more like he is laughing at himself , I watched my 6 ft man walking out of the room , I just stood there alone , and I felt very cold , I remember that cold everyday , evening people came for the party and he got ready and cut the cake , fed me the first piece , my mom and sister was there too , he behaved very good , spoke with my family , but I can see that he is broke , but he still made it through the night , I went to speak with him that night , but he said he can’t . he said ‘ please I can’t ‘ . I choked hearing his voice , he went to terrace , I didn’t sleep at all that night , I walked around our little one bhk apartment , I smoked two packs of cigs that night , I went to check on him in the terrace by 4 , he was sleeping there on the floor , he hugs himself in sleep and its so cold , I cried watching him , just one day ago he was being silly like a kid talking about future family , now he is there alone , heartbroken . Morning usually he makes coffee and rolls one , I made coffee and rolled one , waited for him to come down . He came down saw me and smiled , but its not the cheerful smile , it just hurt so bad watching him like that , he drank the coffee , smoked up with me , even told me its good. Then he got ready , I cooked but he said he can’t eat , he is not hungry , that morning was so silent , he cheers up with he sees me , he was my biggest fan , now he left home with just saying bye . I got a text from him that aftrn asking me to move back to my mom’s if possible , I was dead . I couldn’t say no , I hurt him , he didn’t even scold me , he even requested me , I can only say yes . I asked him that I want to stay one more night , he said ok like always . That night I asked him to cuddle with me , he said ok , he wanted that too it seems , we just hugged in silent , he slept off quickly , he always told me that when I sleep with him it makes him stressfree and he gets a good night sleep . He was asleep on my breasts , I saw him sleeping and I couldn’t stop my tears , realising that this is the last time , I made a stupid mistake , but everything felt unimportant now , I saw him sleeping and I kissed him on his cheek , must have whispered sorry a 100 times , our four years relationship came through my mind , I realize that he made sure I was happy in every way he knew , I proposed him , I made him fall for me , now I broke his heart . I didb’t sleep that night too , morning I dozed off , when I woke up he wasn’t there, he made juice for me and left for work . I packed some of my stuff and went to my mom’s . when I stepped out of our little home , I broke down and cried . I went home and cried , I told my mom we fought , but my sister knew something was up , she tried to ask him but he said it was a small fight , I confessed to her that night , I still remember seeing her confused look , she is a gen z kid , but even she gave me a look of confusion , she didn’t understand how I could do that , she liked my boyfriend very much , she was almost proud of him . But when she knew I cheated on him , she felt disgusted I think . Our sister bind kind of broke too that night . My life was dull , I missed him every second , I missed talking to him , I missed his smell , everything . I just focused on work , two months went by with no contact . I saw him near IT park at our spot one day, he looked like he was sick , he lost weight , his eyes are dry , he looked so pale . I saw him from a distance and I couldn’t believe my eyes , my baby looked so weak and sick , he was having a coffe and smoking a cig alone at the place we used to sit . My eyes teared up watching him , he looked so lonely . None of my friends knew we broke up because I cheated , he specifically asked me not to say anything to anyone . I didn’t speak to him that day , I couldn’t . I was full with guilt . After going home I called his friends and asked how he was and they said that they lost all contact with him and he is ghosting everybody . I broke him and also made him alone , I seriously considered killing myself but I was a coward . After a month , when I was in office , my mom got a diabities issue and fainted , my sister called him in a hurry , he came immediatiely and admitted mom in hospital , when I came there I saw him with a plastic cover with insulins for my mom . After my elder siter came , he left , he asked me to call with updates . Before leaving he asked me why I cheated , he said “ is it because I am not satisfying you “ or “ you wanted a emotial support “. when he said that , I just stood there , I can see his face , hiding a humiliation , I never had a sex issue with him , I loved being with him , but my baby asked me this , I felt ashamed . I couldn’t face him , I just stood there , he said never mind and left . I stood there seeing him leave ,but I didn’t give up , I started texting and snapping so much and somehow I made him talk to me normally , but his eyes has lost its color, he looks like he is tired of everything . After few days we both got drunk and alone , I kissed him as soon as I got the chance , he kissed me back too , usually when he kisses , he hold me ears , looks me in the eyes and kiss me , he did the same out of the habit , as soon as our eyes locked , he bursted out in tears , I truly felt how much this man loved me and how much I hurt him , he wanted to do more but he stopped himself , when he burst into tears, my heart completely broke , I hate myself so much , I hate my friends for fucking up my mind , I hate that guy . My man is gettting punished for giving everything to me , its been a year , he changed , he looks lean , unhealthy , I even think his hair is falling , almost like a zombie . I would glady kill myself for him , I just want him to be happy , I destroyed the only person I love , I see how devastating this can get for him, he looks so weak , I can’r accept it . I should’ve defended him when they joked about him . Its all my fault , its been a year and I still can;t go back to him , I can’t imagine another guy to raise my kids , I want him . Help me .

I was with him for two months in late 2022. He was abusive. I’d argue that he took advantage of me (e.g. I’d so no to a sexual favor, he’d try again, I’d say no again, he’d try again and I’d give in in part because I’d feel guilt for consistently trying to stop his advances. I know I should’ve stuck up for myself more but I have personal issues I need to work on including many psychological issues). My mom doesn’t know all the details about what he did (like what I just mentioned), but I did send her abusive texts he sent me so she DOES know about that. But I guess those texts of his' I sent her weren't enough to call him out as a bad person or get her to unfriend him on Facebook. Oh, you know, him:
-texting me things like "I dated you out of pity," "you actually think I give a shit about you," him calling me "worthless" (right after he recounted the fact that I was 'slitting my wrists like violins'), saying I'm the reason my mom is an alcoholic and that I "stab myself for attention," etc.
-also texting me "I hope you actually die," calling me the c-word and a demonic piece of s-word, saying I'm "completely f-word in the head," etc.
It's funny because, when we were together, I verbally told my mom that this ex texted his friend in secret "if I can get her drunk enough maybe she'll have sex with me" -- and she wrote it off as guy talk. You'd think back then at that moment when i old her that she would've finally come to realize and agree with me that he's an awful person. And yet, even after that, and after all these years, including after having sent those texts to her a few days ago (the ones detailed above), she's still friends with him on Facebook. She also just said about him that he has "major issues." That's it. She wouldn't actually tell me that he's a bad person. Because I don't think she thinks that he is. And from what I perceive she still even defends him. I mean her just saying that he has "major issues" and not calling him out for his awful behavior IS defending him in a way.
Anyway, I’m “splitting” on my mom. I have BPD and it’s unfortunately easy for me to split on people. Now I have quiet BPD and I don’t like fighting with people, but I certainly don’t want to talk with her right now. AITBF for this — especially after Mother’s Day?

If you're here from my newest post on breakups thank you for caring first of all. and second, here's the post from a day or two after the breakup. also might be all over the place. sorry in advance lol.
01.24.24.
Hi, I never post on reddit, (in fact I just made this account for this post) but after thinking a lot and watching a lot of smosh's reading reddit stories, I think this might be the best place to get advice about this, given how specific it is lol.
Anyway, I'll just get started. I (18M) met my gf (17F) about 5 months ago online, a couple months after a rough breakup. Weirdly, she had just got over a break up too. After talking almost everyday for about a month, we decided to officially start dating.
I didn't wanna move on yet, but she completely changed my mind. She's the best. The absolute sweetest person in the world. I was so so in love with her. She was perfect. We called almost every night, texted all day while we were at school. I've always had mental health issues since I was 14. Most prominently, severe anxiety inherited from my father. Along with disorders like OCD and ADHD. But she completely cleared the fog in my mind. Everytime we texted, called, played a game together, or even just seeing her face on my wallpaper, it calmed me down. She was my safe place.
I can go on for hours and hours about this girl, you can ask more questions in the comments if you want but basically, she was perfect, and I believe she's my soulmate. Everything fell into place just for us to meet, which makes me think it was meant to be. Anyway, I'll just get to the point of this post.
It is Wednesday, January 24th. And on Saturday, January 20th, she texted me a long message saying she thinks we should break up. The whole idea was that she's never been quite sure about her sexuality. She always identified as Bisexual, but she thinks she might be a lesbian. As much as it hurt, especially with how sudden it was (we were telling one another how much we loved each other just the night before and she even posted a picture with a filter that said "I ❤️ my bf"). Everything felt like it was going amazingly, the best it's ever been. Then she dropped the bomb.
The first night and the whole next day, I was crushed. I don't cry often (not that I'm one to bottle up, it just never happens) but I cried hysterically. The most I've ever cried in my life, tied with when my childhood dog passed. My love, my happiness, my everything was gone.
Although, on Sunday, she said we should block each other as it would make it harder for both of us if we saw each other on our feeds. Which I agreed with, but I suggested we just unfollow instead of block. Due to her concerns that she might come to the conclusion that she's not gay after this journey she's taking. I love her, and told her I'll support her and her journey of self-searching. And if she never needs anything, I'll be here. She talked through everything with me to help me process it. It gave me clarity and made the following days easier. But I still miss her so much.
I love that she's so motivated to go out and find herself. I'm so proud of her. But I can't lie and say it doesn't hurt. Obviously, if she never told me, she would've been lying to herself and me. I know that. So I'm just accepting it right now. But this is where my head starts to get complicated.
I know it might sound naive because we're still so young. But I really think we're soulmates, and I don't think this is the end of us. It just doesn't feel right, and like it has to resolve in some way. I'm willing to do what it takes to get her back. I'm willing to wait months and months for her to maybe come back around. But is that wrong?
Everything I've heard is saying you shouldn't wait for them to come back. But she's going on a journey of self discovery, so I shouldn't push it right? I should wait for her to find out if she really is gay. And let her come to me when she finds out.
My biggest fear is that she'll wanna come back but she'll be too scared to reach out after she broke my heart. I know her and she's very considerate and sweet. This is something she would do, she's done similar things like this (obviously on a smaller scale).
But this raises even more questions. What if I wait too long and she ends up moving on? What if I wait for a year and she never even texts me? Idk what to do. I just want some guidance. Cause I'm kinda stuck.
If you read this heartbroken teenagers mind being spilled onto this random reddit post, thank you. Any advice is appreciated. And I'll answer any questions you have in the comments. <3

Let us pretend that this is a real update, any of this can of course be changed to properly suite the balancing of the game:
‎

Lively Wastes

Well we all have issues with the wasteland, ghouls breaking in and eating your food, gangs of raiders chasing you with spears, or random scavengers boarding up your door in an instant. Today I bring some new content and some solutions for a few of these issues.
‎

Enclosed:

This is a new gimmick for base building, when surrounding your entire base, creatures and players may not spawn in it or 2 spaces around it, same rule applies to anyone else trying to build around your base that isn't you or your team mates, this only works if you completely surround your base, corners must be secured as well. Plants and rocks can still spawn in it so floors are advised if you don't want it to be cluttered up or if one of your walls break, ruining the anti spawn/anti place effect. Special ruling applies when players from different teams build, if a player helps you close in your 'house', you both can build without restriction, this can be good for team mates when their team leader dies to not cause issues, down fall is that raiders can cause more issues.
‎
‎

Item(s)

‎

CaSmall Trucks

Use:

Harvest.

Cost:

3 alloys, 30 metal, 10 junk.

Requires:

Research Bench or Builder Station(check (https://www.reddit.com/devastio/comments/1comkq5/wasteland\_wishesupdate\_suggestion2/), unlock at level 14.

Health:

3000.

Area:

2x6.

Obtainability:

Craft, can be found around the city to break.

Special:

Stacks of 2 gas per slot can be looted from this.
‎

Fire Arrows

Use:

Ammunition.

Cost:

10 arrows, 1 gas.

Requires:

Work Bench, unlock at level 3.

Obtainability:

Craft Only.

Special:

By using the 'R' button you can swap between normal arrows and fire arrows, if you have them. When it hits something, it is afflicted with the 'Burning' effect(check https://www.reddit.com/devastio/comments/1cm4irl/phoenix_risingupdate_suggestion_1/ for info on it).

Flavor Text:

"We didn't start the fire, it was always burning..."
‎

Heater

Use:

Crafting Bench and camp.

Cost:

5 alloys, 15 metal, and 20 energy-cells.

Requires:

Research Bench, unlock at level 16.

Health:

1000.

Arena:

1x1.

Obtainability:

Craft, High level respawn kit.

Special:

Acts like a camp fire, requires energy cells to function and warms up nearby people, if the 'house' is Enclosed, it affects the entire base, having less effect the farther away from it you are(minimum effect stops your cold gauge from decreasing).

Flavor Text:

"Ahhhhh no more cold nights!"
‎

Enemies

‎

Deer

Health:

225.

Damage:

50.

Attack Speed:

Slow(as hammer).

Movement Speed:

Fast.

Appearance:

Looks like a living deer.

Spawn:

Spawns randomly, as ghouls do, during day and night.

Activity:

Runs when you get close, if cornered, it will chase you down and attack you, only running when low on hp.

Loot:

Drops a dead deer you can harvest.
‎

Boar

Health:

275.

Damage:

50.

Attack Speed:

Slow(as hammer).

Movement Speed:

Normal.

Appearance:

Looks like a living boar.

Spawn:

Spawns randomly, as ghouls do, during day and night.

Activity:

If you get too close or hurt it, it will chase you down and attack you. Its attacks involve charging, which means it has a hard time with players who are able to side step.

Loot:

Drops a dead boar you can harvest.
‎

Perks

‎

Master Survivalist

Cost:

3 Points

Requires:

16.

Effect:

While not in a team, your food gauge, cold gauge reduce 50% slower, your radiation meter increases 50% slower and you gather 2x the materials.
‎
I hope you like these ideas and lets hope some of them get added.
If you like this update suggestion, check out the previous one: https://www.reddit.com/devastio/comments/1comkq5/wasteland_wishesupdate_suggestion2/

Link to original post https://www.reddit.com/mtg/s/b3lH7DRSm8
OK so since so many people wanted to know the deck list here you go. Ain't gonna be fancy. Magic is a manual, very analog hobby in this household. And this isn't a commander deck so...sorry to all the EDH only folks.
Thanks for all the fun comments and kind words. My family enjoyed them. I'm not even subbed here just thought you'd find her text funny. So many counter culture hobby subs are just so incredibly fucking toxic but y'all seem mostly alright.
Raise a glass on Friday Night Magic. We'll probably be playing with you from afar.
To the age questions. I'm 43 wife is 42 son's going on 12.
To a couple of commenters, thanks for teaching me what "net decking" is. I had to Google that shit.
Vintage
Vito, Thorn of the Dusk Rose (2) Vampire Nocturnus (1) Bloodbond Vampire (2) Malakir Bloodwitch (2) Marauding Blight-Priest (2) Bloodcrazed Socialite (4) Gluttonous Guest (2) Vampire of the Dire Moon (4) Dark Ritual (2) Blood Beckoning (2) Feast of Blood (2) Gift of Fangs (4) Pointed Discussion (4) Retreat to Hagra (2) Whip of Erobos (2) Ancient Craving (2) Demonic Tutor (1) Swamp (20) Volraths Stronghold (1) **This was part of a gift. I had 3 of them. Only card he didn't source himself besides the Dark Rituals because frankly those and Counterspells literally fall out when you open cabinet doors around here.