So the day before Mother's Day, my husband (M34) tells me (F35) we are going to do a day trip with our toddler (age 4) to local city and I am so excited but I realize I am also so behind in house chores due to my stressful job and lack of consistent help from my husband.
So I tell him thank you but no trip and that we need to stay home and clean. He says he needs to leave that morning which I already know means he is going to go get flowers. So I offer to make breakfast because I woke up in a great mood.
He comes home with flowers in okay condition, some are wilted and gives me a sweater that he says I asked him to buy me for Mother's Day which I do love the sweater.
So I make pancakes for the family, pancakes with bananas, peanut butter drizzle and whipped cream and I don't have any due to dieting.
My husband asks me what the plans are today and I said I would love for us to get some things done around the house, he has had the ladder out for a couple days so I asked him to take down the Christmas decorations and pick up and also put ladder away and watch our toddler because I would be upstairs with the power tools dismantling our shelves to add in some different shelving and organizing the closet.
All the while I am talking he is working on a 3d print for his friends birthday in a few days.
I go upstairs and 30 minutes in, my toddler is climbing on me and I wait for my husband to collect him and... nothing
So I figure maybe he sent him because ladder plus toddler is not the best combo so I put the power tool away and just organize clothes and he never comes back up to get him, so I call him and he goes "oh yeah just send him down" and I ask if he can just come and get him and he does.
So two hours pass and I go downstairs to check on them and ask about lunch for them and they are watching TV and nothing is done, no dishes from this morning cleaned, no Xmas decorations taken down and I make my toddler a snack and go back upstairs to calm down before calling my husband and asked him why he hasn't cleaned. He said because he thought we stayed home so I could clean and not him. And alI I am doing is working on a room, we don't even use (It's a walk in closet in our bedroom)
I reminded him I said we and asked him to do several things this morning which he said "Oh, I thought that was something you asked me to do a couple weeks ago"
At this point I am just disappointed with the day and over it.
He does do the dishes, takes down the Xmas decorations and cleaned up and now we have to go see my family for dinner which I do not want to because they are very blunt and will want to know why I am such a sad state.
Luckily the toddler falls asleep in the car, so I have the great idea after we find out he is asleep to just give gifts since we are already hour late for dinner and leave and pick up food for the toddler after.
So I drop off the gifts, we leave to go another place to order food and I asked my husband if he can go in and get food and he says no and I ask him he wants anything and he says "No just go just go " I told him I rather not because it's very rude for him to rush me to leave and he says he was only doing that because he had to sneeze....okay....so I said "Just go home please, we can make something there"
So now he is pissy and accuses me of using him as a taxi driver and I just go off...
"This is supposed to be Mother's Day, the one day you treat me special and loved and show me you appreciate me. You got me some wilted flowers and a sweater. Thank you but it's Day, not two gifts Mother stuff"
Now he is pissed and saying I am ungrateful and he shouldn't have gotten me shit and I am the problem and I don't do shit for him. All day he watched our son and cleaned. He also said he didn't know how to make me feel special.
He normally does not curse at me so I said this not you talking. This your dad talking to your mother. (Not my best moment and I will admit it)
Welp that got him all riled up and we didn't talk the rest of the night or next day.
When I finally said I was still upset about yesterday, he goes "Of course, you are." and walks away.
When we finally do talk, he says that he was offended I would rather stay home then do his idea of a day trip to local city and I said the flowers were wilted and he got me a sweater and he cleaned after I told him too. He also said he felt ignored and like I didn't wanna hang out with him because I was organizing the closet. He said he felt unloved.
So am I the asshole?
Quick Q&A
Married for 12 years and together for 15 years
We have had issues with all holidays but even more since our son was born so couple years ago I gave him a list of my likes, links to things to do for your wife for birthday,and things you can do for free to make your spouse happy (he makes six figures but I think gifts can be acts of service as well) but he still says he doesn't know how
We are currently in couples therapy but he seems to try to manipulate the sessions?
Example, he wanted to go on a trip to buy video games stuff and we had already gone out of town the day before to buy video games stuff so I said Our grass at both houses need to be mowed, I think that needs our attention and if he isn't something he can do the he needs to hire help to which he replied That why can't I help him and I don't do anything to help him ever but to the therapist he goes oh I just didn't wanna do the lawn because it had rain the day before and the grass was wet and it was early. I asked him why he wasn't able to tell me that in the moment or revisit for the whole week and half after because I didn't know that and he was still able to mow later that day but only one house. He said he didn't know why he didn't tell me and it was dumb to argue about the lawn but I said the lawn is just a symptom of the greater issue which is lack of communication on both of our parts
Fathers Day and Birthday I used to go all out but I realized I wasn't getting the same energy so I stopped 1st Father Day I asked him what he wanted to do and he said spend the day together I got him and our son matching shirts, classic car pint glasses, socks with our son's face on them, a photo book of them of the photos during the year of them I had taken and I made this favorite foods all day 2nd Father's Day I asked him what he wanted to do and he was spend the day together but he had to work so when he got home from work, I had his favorite pizza, favorite pop, matching shirts with our son, pizza cutter and pizza pan because he had mentioned we didn't have one and photo album of pictures from the last year of him and our son
When I had another disappointing Mothers Day ( I had asked to have 3 hours alone and sent him a link to some earrings and I got no time alone and no earrings but he did get me beautiful flowers and chocolate covered strawberries. We went to the lunch with my family and I asked him to only pay for us and my mom and he ended up dropping like $275 on my whole family for brunch very nice but we had conversations about how he was able to do that but get me no gifts) I think his heart is the right place because he is a good guy
3rd Father's Day I got him a card, beer and a some jerky and he said he didn't feel loved because it wasn't as nice all the other Father's Days he had in the past and he doesn't know how to make sure I have a nice Mother's Day and I asked him he could use the list I gave him or just mimic what I do and customize it to fit his style. He said he would try and that led us to this Mother's Day.

Today is my birthday, and I've never felt this lonely. No one has wished me yet except my family over text. Last year, my ex ordered me a cake, and that was the first time someone did this for me. I still remember that day. I loved her so much. I helped her so much. But she cheated on me last year in mid-September, and since then, nothing has been going well in my life—mentally, physically, academically. I failed in all subjects in my 3rd year of MBBS. When I told her everything, she said mean things like, "Go get a life," and "All this is your karma." What kind of karma? Karma of trusting her, loving her, standing with her when no one else was there for her.
I tried many times to just talk to her, but every time, she broke my heart. And now, when I complain about all this, when I tell her she did wrong to me, she just says, "Sorry, forgive me." How can I forgive her? And how is it that easy to say sorry when you know you've crushed someone so hard?
Two days ago, when I tried to talk to her and I complained about all this, she said, "What do you want? I'm asking genuinely." I asked her, "Don't you need me?" She asked back, "Do you need me after all that?" I said, "Yes." Then I asked her, "Don't you?" She said, "I don't."
Why do people do this? Intentionally hurt someone? When you need them, you make a lot of promises, and the dumb ones trust in that. But when the need is over, you forget all the promises.
I have lost all faith in this world. Everything is just messed up. I really don't know what is going on. I wish I could just erase my existence.

I lost my little princess on April 1st this year, just 2 days away from her birthday. I had adopted her on April 3rd, 2021, and ever since she has been my best friend. Every night, she’d fall asleep either in my arms or right next to me, and every morning when i’d wake up she’d be a few inches from my face watching me. Every morning before school, she’d chase me down the steps and follow me out the door when I had to leave, and she’d come running to me when I came home. I ate every meal with her, and every time I would go to the bathroom, I’d open the door to see her sitting right outside waiting for me. Its been a little over a month now, but I am still in so so much pain and I feel like a part of me died with her. I have lost pets before, but I have never had a bond with someone like this, person or pet. She was geniunely my soulmate. I know I need to keep moving on with life but I just feel so empty and alone. I just keep hoping that one day I will be reunited with her.

I’m just wondering…
This is my 3rd baby and this time I have GD. My doctor is going to show me how to start on insulin and everything tomorrow.
But this baby’s due date is a day after my birthday 😫and all along I’ve said I’d really love to have a birthday mate (selfish I know). My other 2 babies came at 39wks 5 days. 8lbs6 (cs) and 9lbs4(vbac) so I’m really not scared of big babies 😅
I guess what I want to know is if there are success stories of insulin controlled pregnancies that didn’t have to be induced or made it till 40 weeks. Ultimately I’m going to do what’s best for me and baby but a girl can hope I guess…

Hey Bozemanites!
We're planning to make a weekend trip over from Missoula (Go Griz) in late July for my kiddo's 3rd birthday. We really want to take him to the Museum of the Rockies, but would love some other recommendations as it's been a while since we've been to your fine city.
Where would you take a 3 year old during a birthday weekend? Activites, parks, restaurants, whatever!
Thanks!

So I know that Its Always interesting to read These Stories of people achieving 90 days and Here is Mine.
For those at the beginning or in the middle of this Journey I can Tell you, It is really a Rollercoaster Ride!
I did now Like 5 or 6 Times the 30 day Challenge and can say Its a really good Thing to start with. I will try to write something about each step in some Kind of chronology:
So my 90 days Journey started with my 31 Birthday and Im honest I dont remember why i decided to start It that way but my year started really Bad so i thought the Goals which i wanted at the beginning of the year, i should start somehow with my Birthday and so i gave my Birthday another meaning that way.
I Kind of understood that there are Things Like Alcohol, Weed and porn that whenever i am ON a really good Road It Takes me Bad into having Bad habbits and makes me weak from the personality perspective. About me: i would consider me Somebody who has tried to See as much AS possible in live and Had a thankful live with many ups and Downs. Important for me was Always to achieve my Goals and after achieving Them somehow thinks became boring or meaningless, so I Always Had the Feeling that I couldnt get too much happyness achieving good Things.
So the reason why im telling you thiis is that in the Road of the 90 days I really learned somehow to BE thankful and Happy and I am really capable of Feeling that for the First time in my life, this conclusion didnt come with the 90th day, Its much more happening in the whole, but yeah IT Happens somehow and I really feel Like the emotions I feel and the way I Sense live is Just more intense.
So with that speech i will now start telling you now my experience Düring the whole time so IT Maybe helps you in your process:
Day 0-10: I would say this Is the time when Things are still doable i dont know why but in the 3rd day after having Sex or fapping in Always start to Get really horny but yeah It calms down and will be Controllabel after you Get used to the First urge.
Day 10-20 is when Things are getting more difficult especially for me It was in the third week when i was Like why im doing this Shit, the good Thing i really started to Look for the Things i eat and tried to do some Sports in the daily bases.
Day 20-30 in my Case was when Things calmed down for me even though some.say Its a difficult Phase AS Well i was Like Things are getting fine in that period.
Now i can Tell you that from day 30 Till day 40 Things we're chilled but i swear to god, after the 40 days i Had an incredible amount of Energy and still have in some Manor this Energy whenever i Go Out or meet people you are Just capable of socialize with how should i say more energy and confidence. The Bad Thing was i was extremely horny Like really horny... And you can Imagine what comes after having so much Energy is a down again. So for me It was really after the highs I felt i Always Had in the Same amount a down in which i was Like why am I doing this Shit and the only Thing that kept me was the Binding that i wont do this Shit because i Just didnt do It since getting 31.
So the next weeks were really Like 2 weeks a Bad down Phase and then again in the Same amount a high Phase, but the good Thing was like whenever i was Out i Had a high or much energy... So i consider IT as my mistake to Not going Out and Sharing that Energy whenever i Had too much of a down. That could be the hint I could give, ITS that you really have to spend the Energy with new valuable actions.
So from day 55 Till day 90 i can say that this Just repeated, but over all I considered that my Energy Level over all was Always getting slowly Higher and i started to realize some Kind of Change in my mindset Like i mentioned in the beginning. When i ate something, IT tasted better, when i approached a girl I could listen better and react better, my Focus was Always way more Up than before. So yeah that Is all of my experience in my opinion 30 days are really enough to Get your mind normal again, but I can tell for me doing 90 days hard Mode one time in my life Is a experience i wont forget, but if i should now have Sex or fap, i think i would never consider doing 90 day in normal or hard Mode. I think Soft Mode ist very good and lets See how far I still can Get.
Last but Not least: Dont give Up ITS Worth IT! Just repeat when youve gaven Up and try again ITS normal Consider of thinking why you FAP Consider of thinking about your Life and progressive, try to find a way to Get your positiveness about life and the World Back
And I Hope all of you a really good decent life, Hope you all will achieved whatever Goals you have in life!

Edited: The title was supposed to say that: I may be a Petty jerk, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend. Auto correct changed it to Jersey, and I couldn't edit the actual title.
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was a jerk, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.

I may be the A-H and a bit Petty, but at least I got away from a toxic "friend".
Fair Warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but I will try to dilute it as much as possible.
About 12 years ago I left the world of retail (of which I have MANY stories) to begin a career in childcare. Some people prefer different titles, Nanny, Babysitter, Parents' Helper, Childcare Provider, etc. To be honest each of those titles are suitable in different situations.
The first family that I Nannied for went on for about 4 years, and then on again off again for another year. Through this family, I met "Wendy" and her family. Wendy went out of her way to be friendly with me, and would often ask me to babysit her kids (B5 and G1).
At one point, I had moved on to working with another family for a few months. Sadly, that ended due to the parents getting a divorce, and they moved further away.
Wendy found out that I was unemployed and asked that I Nanny for her kids. She was also pregnant with her 3rd at the time. I agreed at a slightly discounted rate because we were "friends". I realized too late that that was a HUGE mistake on my part.
Wendy's live in boyfriend "Cole" also had 3 kids from a previous relationship. B15, G8, and G6 lived with their mother. Yes, am aware of the closeness in age of Wendy and Cole' B5 and his G6. I chose to keep my mouth shut.
Now prepare yourselves for the Rollercoaster of emotions I dealt with with this family.
Initially, both Wendy and Cole were employed. I would come over 5 days a week for 8 to 10 hour days, depending upon whether Wendy got home on time. Here is where my discounted rate bit me in the butt.... $300 a week was still complained about. Wendy asked that I not leave Cole alone with their kids because he basically ignored them and refused to change diapers. I felt pretty icky about that, but agreed. Now I lived 45 minutes away without traffic. I would often leave my house early in anticipation of possible traffic. If I arrived early, I wasn't allowed in until she our alloted time of 7am. I didn't have a key, and would often be left waiting on the porch an extra 15 minutes past our time. If I knew I was too early, I parked around the corner and ate breakfast. Wendy and Cole both got very irritated if I wasn't their door precisely at 7 am. It was a headache that I chose to avoid.
Over the first month, I realized that G2 was emotionally abused by Wendy. She constantly said to or in front of the child how much she hated dealing with the wild child. How she wished G2 was more well behaved like B5. She even wrote unkind things on Facebook, asking someone to take her on the weekend while I was off.
This took a toll on poor G2, obviously. She would get violent with me first thing in the mornings : Hitting, kicking, biting, pulling my hair, throwing things at me, or what ever popped into her mind. Eventually, once Wendy left for work G2 would calm down and become an absolute delight.
When B5 started school, Wendy took a new job that allowed her to work from home at times. Those were not fun days! I asked if I could bring G2 to my house where I have an outdoor play area, a playroom, plenty of kid movies, crafts, books, music, and local playgrounds. At first the car rides were torture with G2 screaming bloody murder for at least half of the 45 minute drive. When she got used to the new routine, those drives became pleasant. Her violent tendencies disappeared when we were spending the days at my home. The drawback was that I also had to drive her home in time to get B5 off the bus.
During school breaks, I also had B5, and if they were visiting G8 and G6. B15 stayed at Wendy's house and just did his own thing. If you thought G2 was torture in toddler form, these two girls would have made Nanny McPhee grow a few more moles, a hunch back, and closed feet.
B5 would get a little bored, being that he was the only boy that was understandable. I purchased an array of boy friendlier toys to entertain him. I already had a lot of girl friendly toys either purchased or gifted from the first family that I had worked with. Of course I had plenty of gender neutral items too.
Wendy and Cole didn't give 2 sh*ts and a shave if the kids watched TV all day, went out to a playground or museum, or were driven 2 hours away, as long as I got them home on time. I easily spent an entire paycheck on activities, gas, food (which they didn't pack), and toys over 2 weeks watching all 4 kids. By the by, when asked for additional money when I did have all 4, Wendy not so politely informed me that the kids are entertain each other, so my job should be easier with all 4.
My husband and I discussed a few times whether I should look for something else. Inevitably the people pleaser in me actually felt guilty even considering it. Yup, I was apparently a glutton for punishment. Gratefully, my income was just extra, for an nice meal out occasionally, gifts for birthdays and holiday, extra hobbies, and basic groceries.
Just before Wendy gave birth to their new baby, she became unemployed. Logically, one would think this was my easy out. NOPE!! I became more of a Mother's Helper / Nanny. At this point Wendy and Cole were beginning to look for a larger house to rent. I did more walk through than I can count. She even asked me to tour a couple without her, and to bring G2 and B5 so she could get her nails done and take a nap. (Seriously, I toured houses on her list without her!)
As we spent more and more time together, I began to learn FAR FAR more about her bedroom life than I could ever desire. G2 and I spent much less time in the peace of my home, and way too much in Wendy's company. G2's behavior began to deteriorate slowly, causing Wendy to lose her temper with her far too easily. This completely broke my heart. I TRIED to redirect them both, and expressed my concern to Wendy. Of course, she then turned her anger towards me.
Wendy would openly discuss her theories about Cole in front of her kids. She claimed that he was cheating on her with his ex because he would shower immediately after seeing her to pick up or drop off the kids. He often made those drives directly after work though. Maybe he was cheating, maybe not. I honestly don't know.
Wendy also enjoyed gossiping about absolutely anybody. The parents of the first family that worked with were having marital issues. This was a favorite topic of hers. Wendy told me about every unkind word her mother uttered in her direction. The apple obviously didn't fall far from the tree here. I was told lots of personal information about people I didn't know. The gossip made me very uncomfortable. I told her that I would prefer we not discuss the lives of people who weren't around to speak on their own behalf. This fell on deaf ears.
I became quite used to her disapproval of my loose fitting jeans and T-shirts. Working with kids, I found my favorite cartoon prints were just as possible with my tiny charges. I NEVER wear makeup or heels because I simply don't want to. My dresses always have leggings under them because it make me feel less vulnerable. I never wear shorts or above the knee skirts/dresses. That's a ME thing, not religious or cultural. I find my "uniform" of choice is ideal for working with kids. Wendy informed me more than once that it embarrassed her to be seen in public with me. She often insisted that I wear something of hers if we had to go anywhere.
My husband enjoys photography, particularly long exposure which is done at night. He has a lot of photography friends of both genders, but his best friend is a female. He also enjoys concerts and kayaking, often with an ex from high school. (He graduated in 1997). I trust my husband and have no problem with him spending time with his friends. Enter Wendy's whispers of accusations. She often "jokingly" accused him of cheating on me with these female friends. I don't enjoy concerts, crowds, or being out late; so I support his doing with people who do. At least I know he with someone if something happens. I have bad knees, which make getting in and out of a kayak difficult. Why should that stop him? Again, I told her that I trust him and that I don't appreciate her accusations joke or not. This annoyed her because she doesn't trust Cole.
I know these are major red flag issues. I know how toxic being subjected to these comments is. I also know how difficult it would be on their kids if I left too soon. I knew they needed someone who wasn't emotionally cruel. I stayed for them.
My husband and I spent 2 of our weekends helping them pack and move to house that ended up 15 minutes from us. We were thanked by words, but that was the extent of the gratitude. Wendy's mother looked after the kids while we helped them move. This was complained about because I was already paid to watch the kids during the week. Insert eye roll here!! Her mom felt my husband should be willing to help them move while I watched the kids on the weekend for no extra pay. Either way, we were doing them a HUGE favor to begin with.
A family that I had briefly Nannied for prior to working for Wendy asked if I could help out every other Saturday. The dad (Nice Guy) traveled a lot for work leaving the Mom (Angelface) home alone with the kids. She just needed a day to run errands, work out, and just have time to herself. Angelface is one of the kindest women on this planet. When I did Nanny for them (2 days a week), she was in tears when she had to let me go. They couldn't justify the outgoing money at the time. She referred me to several friends. I am legitimately friend with this family, and still babysit sporadically.
Through a random discussion, I told Wendy about working with Angelface on every other Saturday. She began to tell me what to charge, how many hours to work, and what days to leave open for her just in case. Insert headache inducing eyerolls!
One Friday, Wendy's cousin arrived for a weekend visit with her baby. Wendy told me that because it was a holiday weekend I would not be needed until Tuesday. I double checked via text, and she confirmed that she and Cole were taking the kids to the beach with her cousin. Monday morning I got a call from a passed off Wendy asking where I am. I reminded her that she had told me that they would not need me. I even took a screen shot of our text. She said that Cole had decided to work Monday anyway so she was alone with HER kids. This pissed me off, so I lied. I told her that I was out of town with my mom and wouldn't be home until 5 or 6 pm. She went on about how much of an inconvenience it was to her, and I should have checked before going out of town. For the second time, I sent her a screenshot of my text verifying that I wasn't needed Monday. She abruptly ended the call saying to just be sure to be on time Tuesday. I had NEVER been late, but opted to mention that as we hung up.
Over time we worked out a new arrangement where I brought now G3 to my house 2 days a week, and we stayed there 3 days a week. I helped with cleaning, errands, helped with the new baby (NB), etc. Mostly, I was Wendy's sounding board. She continued to accuse Cole of cheating, wasting money, and even beating her.
My husband and I offered to let her and the kids stay with us, but she declined. Wendy even told me that since she was so sure Cole was cheating, she was going to find herself a side boyfriend to cheat with. I tried to talk her out of it, to no avail. Sadly, she spoke openly about her new boyfriend in fron of G3. During one of her rants I learned that my pay came from him selling drugs. GULP!!
While cleaning out the couch one day, I came across a loaded gun kept in the couch console thing, along with baggies of pills, "dried plants", and white powder. This completely freaked me out. 2 small children and a soon to be crawling baby sat and played on and around that couch. I STRONGLY considered calling Child Pretective Services and the police. I quickly realized that if I did, they would know it was me. I regret it, but I feared their possible retaliation towards us.
Shortly after finding these thing Cole quit his job. For several months while I worked for them, they were both unemployed. Again, I thought it was an easy out. NOPE AGAIN! For another 3 months, they insisted that they couldn't take care of the house and kids without my help. Very often, I arrived to find now B6 fending for himself for breakfast and getting ready for school. He was told to wake up and unlock the door for me, but they went back to sleep. I was expected to keep the baby from crying, and to keep G3 quiet and entertained until they came downstairs. I often chose to simply take both to my house so we could play naturally. We had a crib, so this wasn't a problem for NB. G3 would just nap on the couch or my bed. When out of school B6 preferred this too. This really should have told Wendy and Cole something about their kids, but of course not.
FINALLY, I was informed after about a year of working for them, they could no longer justify paying me. At this point, I had often considered quitting anyway. I mainly stayed because my heart broke for the kids. However, based on her gossipy and judgmental nature ... not to mention my little 3 day weekend fail; I was concerned about what kind of reference Wendy would provide if I chose to quit.
So in 2019, I found myself happily unemployed. The timing here worked out beautifully because Angelface knew neighbors due to have their first baby in 2020. I ended up working for this lovely family until August of 2023. The mom (Joy) and the Dad (Mr. Cool) were such a relief to my entire mental and physical health. We became friends as well, and over time I told them about Wendy. Between Joy, Angelface, Mr. Cool, Nice Guy, my husband, and family I began to realize just hoe toxic Wendy really was to my mental health. My husband never liked her but understood my feelings towards the kids.
For almost a year Wendy would randomly call or FaceTime me .... more often than not while drunk. She would rave about how much she and the kids missed me. We would get together for a meal, and she had me over for a couple birthday parties for the kids. I found myself almost always being the only sober adult watching the kids as the adults partied. Wendy often went back to her gossiping, trash talking, and "jokes" about my husband spending time with women. She would offer underhanded compliments. "It's so nice to see you wearing a dress instead of those tacky T-shirts." You get the drift. She even INFORMED me that since her neighbor was pregnant I could quit my job with Joy and Mr. Cool. She had told her neighbor that I would work for her now, and since they were next door, I would watch her own kids too. I shut that down saying that I was quite happy working with Joy and Mr. Cool. I even lied about what they paid thinking it would detur her further. NOPE yet again. She said that I should quit anyway so her life would be easier with me around. Once more, I told her that wasn't going to happen.
AT LONG LAST, I am coming to the end of my tortuous endurment with Wendy.
A week later, she called and asked if I had quit yet. I said that I had no intention of leaving an "$800" a week job. (Not even close to that with my 3 day a week job, but she didn't need to know the truth.) She told me to let her know when I quit, then changed the subject towards gossiping about that first family and their problems. I told her that I don't feel comfortable gossiping about people who can't speak for themselves. That pissed her off, so she turned it on me again. She said of course I don't want to talk about them since my husband was cheating on me with 2 different women. I angrily corrected her. She has no reason to think my husband is cheating, and I trust him and our friends. Just because she thinks her boyfriend cheats, and she cheats, that doesn't mean everybody does. She then said we could talk when I calmed down and after I quit my job.
After hanging up, I proceeded to block Wendy on everything! Facebook, phone calls, texting, face timing, Instagram, and even Snapchat (which I hadn't used in over a year). I also blocked her mom, and any body that had been friendly simply because Wendy knew them and wanted me to have their information too. I gave her no warning at all. I was beyond passed off, and refused to be talked out of my very gratifying decision.
I told my husband, family, and friends that was now free of Wendy. Not a single person tried to tell me to make ammends. The only guilt that I feel is towards those poor kids. For once though, I put myself first. Joy and Angelface were both extremely supportive when I told them that I had Ghosted Wendy. Both even mentioned how proud they were of me for FINALLY truly stand-up for myself. They were NOT fans of Wendy!!!
I never ended up quitting my job with Joy and Mr. Cool inorder to babysit Wendy's neighbor. I also continued to babysit for Angelface and Nice Guy.
About 7 or 8 months ago, I ran into Wendy at a playground between our two homes. She was with now G5 and B2. I had Joy and Mr. Cool's daughter with me. I was polite, almost obscenely so. I was friendly towards the kids, who were stand off-ish. I offered to let Little Miss play with them, but they weren't interested. Little Miss wanted to do her own thing, so off we went to play. We left after only 15 minutes because Little Miss said "that lady" is scaring her.
That night, my husband got a Facebook message from Wendy. She described my cruelty towards her kids by ignoring them. She said that it was so hateful that I blocked her on everything after all she had done for us. This message went on and on. My husband left it unread for months before my morbid curiosity caused me to open the silly thing. We never responded, but instead he finally bl9cked her too.
Ok, if you read that bloody novel of a post, you are a ROCK STAR!! I don't have any regrets towards my eventual choice, except towards the kids. It breaks my heart knowing what kind of parents they are enduring. I often regret not calling CPS, but there isn't a shadow of doubt that would have retaliated .... most likely violently.
I did eventually get back in contact with that very first Nanny family. They had indeed broken up, but both are happier and healthier now. I warned them that Wendy enjoyed gossiping and spreading rumors about them. Neither were surprised, and both had broken contact with Wendy long ago. They supported my choice to break ties with her as well. Shocking, right!?!
I no longer work full time for Joy and Mr. Cool, as they wanted Little Miss to get used to being around more kids before starting school. I do still sporadically babysit for them and Angelface and Nice Guy though. The two couples have referred me to several other families in the neighborhood, so I stay pretty busy with much more sane individuals.
Maybe I was an A-Hole, and petty. I'm cool with being thought of that way towards Wendy. At least now, I have much kinder people in my life.
EDITED/UPDATE: It has come to my attention that some may feel unfulfilled on the petty revenge side. For this former doormat, removing myself as her very cheap childcare was my revenge. I realize that many may not feel it was enough, but at the time, it was a MAJOR achievement for me. I had worked 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to receive $300.
When "invited" to parties, I ended up providing free childcare while the other adults got drunk. I don't like the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk, so I don't partake. I feared what would happen to the ignored kids, so I found myself watching them.
I never had a lot of friends, so for a long time, I truly thought Wendy was my friend. It took conversations with my husband, my mom, Angelface, Joy, and others for me to see the reality of my situation.
Some may say this post is in fact gossiping about her. To a point, yes I will agree. I did change everybody's names though.
Ultimately, I have always questioned whether or not I was fair or did the right thing by Ghosting and blocking Wendy. I often second guess my choice; especially when thinking about those kids.
I have tried to be more alert about the people around me since this experience. I do still find myself being too nice and accepting of some ways in which I am treated. I have tried to build more boundaries though.

I’m 18. My favorite genre is rap as I’ve grown up on it. But I also listen to R&B, nu metal, death metal, black metal, alternative rock, and EDM. The first R&B song I listened to was Crazy In Love by Beyoncé in my mom’s car when I was 7 (she is a huge fan of her and Destiny’s Child). I didn’t really care too much for the song though. Then when I was 13 I discovered Because Of You by Ne-Yo after hearing it on a YouTube video. Then I discovered Birthday Sex by Jeremih and Don’t by Bryson Tiller. These were the only R&B songs I knew, and Don’t really leans towards rap, which is why I fucked with it like that.
Then last year, I listened to Jeremih’s full self titled album and was really fucking with it. I had some of the songs on repeat and would play them in between the trap songs I typically listen to. Then I discovered more Ne-Yo, as well as acts like Babyface, Eamon, and Usher.
I don’t really listen to 2020s R&B like SZA or Brent Faiyaz because it sounds too poppy to me, although lots of people I know like that shit. R&B overall is my 3rd favorite genre (nu metal is my 2nd favorite)

Hello! I'm changing my age, parents location and half brothers location and name to protect my identity! When I was 13 my dad and step mom had a child of their own... for years I have over looked the favoritism to the point over the past 6 years I have noticed it more and more and am finally seeing things the same way my other 2 biological siblings have always seen it. My half brother joined the military straight out of high school and I couldn't be more proud of his service... however... my dad n step mom have made trips from where they live 20 hours from us to the state right next to us which is a 6 hour drive to where My half brother was stationed for Thanksgiving, Christmas, his birthday, random weekends... they have been to my home state 4x in the past 6 years.... we got 1 hour with them each visit and one visit they didn't even tell us they were here, we only found out bc Lil bro posted pics of them at a state football game.... we have made trips to visit them in the state they live in where before hand we made all these plans to do things together just for them to let my kids (10 and 15) down by suddenly deciding they don't want to do anything or go anywhere... yet they have all this time and energy to visit my Lil bro, go on Hikes, 4 wheeling and other things when my brother visits them... They were just here in March, we got an entire hour and told that our visit to see them at the end of summer might not get to happen WHY??? Bc they have to go to a ceremony for Lil bro the same time we planned on going there... no we can't change our vacation plans bc my husband has put in his time already and our high schooler doesn't like missing... we made these plans in January! I love my dad, I have always considered myself a daddy's girl. Had a great relationship with my step mom for years but I'm tired of feeling like we are not important to them and always getting the short end of the stick bc they had another child together... I know this is common 3rd world problems.... but I needed to let it out! I've tried talking to them about my feelings but it gets me absolutely no where! If you have read this far thank you. I'm not looking for advice or sympathy... just a place to let it out!

Hi all!
My partner and I were looking into visiting Lake George for her birthday around the 3rd week of July and were looking for some recommendations for things to do, hotels/B&B/Ect and food recommendations.
For activities, I was seeing things like hot air balloon rides and boat tours and was wondering if anyone has any positive experiences with them? I see there's also a foodie festival but how about some nice restaurants as well?
I found some hotels that were definitely reasonably priced, but same as above, I would love to hear some recommendations/past experiences others have had around that time of year.
Thank you all for any and all responses :)

So,basically it happened when I was in second semester.There was a girl who used to stare at me during lectures and there were various moments when we had a eye contact but I used to ignore that thing.Then things started to escalate when she started saying hello to me when I was with my friends.So, my friends suggested me to go and talk to her.So I gathered my confidence and approached her.She interacted with me but left very soon.Later that day she sent me Instagram request and we started having conversation about random things(politics, studies etc).
She knew I was good in academics so she asked for help and as a human being I helped her and then after this we were talking 1-1.5 hrs daily on phone and when I didn't saw her message she used to call me continuously(One time she called me 7 times in interval of 3-4 mins) and every time she would ask me that if I am okay or has she committed some mistake that is why I am ignoring her.She used to ask for my suggestions for every thing.
Then we started going to library,where I used to teach her on the expense of my own academics but I didn't cared.Things were going well. She became a support system for me.We used to go on walks etc. She appreciated my physique (I go to gym).
But things started going downhill on June 3rd,it was her birthday and she didn't invite me,I thought she might be busy with her friends but foolish me called her and asked that am I just for her academic support!She denied and said that she wanted to give me party alone and I said I don't want a party from you .Things were not going well, we didn't called each other much.
Fast forward to 16th June ,I was working on my project and it was around 3 in the morning and she texted me that his boyfriend is asking about you,My heart fell down and I just replied her it's your matter and you have to answer it but she insisted me to tell something to reply him.. Then I wrote a long paragraph in which I said I don't want to become a barrier between both of you.I trusted you but you betrayed me and used me. I wish you all the best and please don't try to text me again.. then she started spamming that sorry,I know it's my mistake. Don't leave me blah blah... I didn't reacted to her messages. Then I went to my bed and it was around 4:30 AM, I am having project submission at 9:00 AM and after 2 days I am having my end semester exams. I tried to sleep but after 1 hour, I woke up and was feeling heavy, I called my friend and told him that everything thing is over and I broke down. Then he and one more friend of mine came running to my room and took me to the balcony and consoled me and told me that don't be sad..
Then afterwards I gathered myself and went for the project evaluation,it went good but I was feeling a void. Then in the evening she texted me again asking me that If I am angry because of her.. my friends suggested me not to reply so I didn't reply.. But the night before the exams she texted me asking for the solutions of worksheets, I didn't send her.Then she called with a different number.But then again she started spamming. Then I texted her that I want to meet and want to end everything, she came and I gave her a short reality check and saw her tears rolling down her cheeks,I again said that please don't cry etc etc.... So I gave my exams and went home.
Again on July 2nd she texted me that I met with an accident and broke my hand. I replied take care. She said are you still angry with me,please give me a chance I want to normalise everything but I asked why should I give you a second chance which she didn't bother to reply.
Now fast forward to 4th semester, everything is going fine(My CG is 9.0) but now again she is staring at me and is trying to initiate a conversation but I ignore her completely but deep down I also want to initiate a conversation again. So what should I do? Kindly guide me!!
Thank You :⁠-⁠D

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See the full weekly calendar on our website.

Noteworthy Events

The Lion King at DPAC

• Winner of six Tony Awards®, including Best Musical, this landmark musical event brings together one of the most imaginative creative teams on Broadway.
• Wed, May 15 - Sun, June 9
• $29.50+

Adult Recess at CCB Plaza

• Let your inner child shine as you play games, make crafts, and enjoy the fresh air during your lunch break!
• Wed, May 15
• 12-2 p.m.
• Free admission

Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field

• Thu, May 16 - Sat, May 18

Bimbé Celebration at Rock Quarry Park

• This family-oriented event is a celebration of African and African American history, culture, arts, and traditions. This year's headliner: Monica!
• Sat, May 18
• 1-7 p.m.
• Free admission

Peter Pan at The Carolina Theatre

• This adventure begins at the London home of the Darling family, a typical evening in 1912, as the weary parents try to settle their children down for bed while the young ones insist on staying up late. Little do Wendy, John, and Michael know that a fantastic journey awaits them that night.
• Sat, May 18
• 3 p.m. and 6 p.m.
• $32+

DPW Limit Break at Durham Convention Center

• Wrestlers from all over the world will gather in one place for a night you won't forget.
• Sun, May 19
• 7 p.m.
• $25+

Multi-Day Events

The NGIN Cityscapes Summit at Durham Convention Center

• Hosted by national nonprofit, New Growth Innovation Network, prepare to connect with like-minded professionals and engage with purpose-driven organizations. Immerse yourself in workshops and captivating keynotes from renowned speakers, featuring three tracks of insightful sessions: Inclusive Capital, Community Wealth Building, and Reimagining Systems.
• Wed, May 15 - Fri, May 17
• Registration fees vary

Durham Greek Festival at St. Barbara Greek Orthodox Church

• Enjoy fabulous Greek food, desserts, wine and beer in a festive outdoor atmosphere. Continuous Greek music and scheduled folk dance performances.
• Sat, May 18, 11 a.m. - 9 p.m. and Sun, May 19, 11 a.m. - 7 p.m.
• Free admission

Historic Buildings Open House at West Point on the Eno Park

• Enjoy a look inside the historic McCown-Mangum House, Photography Museum, and Mill.
• Sat, May 18 and Sun, May 19
• 10 a.m. - 2 p.m.
• Free admission

Movies at The Carolina Theatre

• Libeled Lady
• Dirty Harry & Assault on Precinct 13
• Cat City
• Back to Black
• Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
• UHF

Monday, May 13

2 p.m.
Board Game Night at The Glass Jug in Downtown Durham
5 p.m.
Arts & Drafts at Fullsteam Brewery
6 p.m.
Disc Golf Putting League at The Glass Jug in RTP
6:30 p.m.
Trivia Night at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
7 p.m.
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery

Tuesday, May 14

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company

• 12-8 p.m. - Food Truck: Mike's Vegan Cookout
• 7-9 p.m. - Bull City Beer Runners Run Club
• 7-8 p.m. - Puzzled Pints Game Night

Events at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham

• 5:45-6:30 p.m. - Community Zumba Classes
• 6-8 p.m. - Music Bingo

Events at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP

• 6-8 p.m. - The Glass Jog Run Club
• 6-9 p.m. - Stitch & Sip

5:30 p.m.
Boxyard Run Club at Boxyard RTP
6 p.m.
In Other Words at Arcana
Duke Baseball vs College of Charleston at Jack Coombs Field
Bring Your Own Vinyl with Jaffar at Rubies on Five Points
Women on the Wall at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
6:30 p.m.
Trivia at Durham Food Hall
Pony Ride at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
7 p.m.
Trivia at Beer Study Durham
Not Rocket Science Trivia at DSSOLVR Durham
Tuesday Blues Jam at The Blue Note Grill
8 p.m.
Comedy Night at Bull City Ciderworks
Jeremy 'Bean' Clemons Trio at Kingfisher
Enter Shikari at Motorco Music Hall
Vision Video + Tears For The Dying at The Pinhook

Wednesday, May 15

Events at Atomic Empire

• 6:30 p.m. - Dragon Ball Fusion World Release Event
• 7 p.m. - Flesh and Blood Armory Event

Events at Boxyard RTP

• 12-2 p.m. - Hear & There: Daniel Delorenzo
• 5:30-8:30 p.m. - Game Night

Events at ZincHouse Winery & Brewery

• 7-8 p.m. - Signature Wine Tasting
• 7-8:30 p.m. - Laughs Comedy Night

9 a.m.
Senior Short Game Clinic at Hillandale Golf Course
10:30 a.m.
Storytime on the Roof with Durham County Library at The Durham Hotel
12 p.m.
Adult Recess at CCB Plaza
3 p.m.
Durham Farmers’ Market at Durham Central Park
4 p.m.
Whiskey Wednesdays at Alley Twenty Six
5 p.m.
Free Wednesday Wine Tasting at Beer Study Durham
5:30 p.m.
Ride of Silence at CCB Plaza
6 p.m.
Queer Craft Night and Tarot with Joy at Arcana
Bimbe Community Block Party at Holton Career & Resource Center
Come Take a Flight With Us: A Bright Black Workshop at Proximity Brewing Company
Free RTP Business Rockstar Connect Networking Event at Sheraton Imperial Hotel
Sweet Social: Auntie's African Ice Cream at The Durham Hotel
6:30 p.m.
Trivia Night with Pickle at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
7 p.m.
Bottle Swap: Homebrew Club at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company
Skip The Small Talk: Speed Friending Event at Fullsteam Brewery
Hammered Trivia at Hi-Wire Brewing
Karaoke Night at Mavericks Smokehouse
Music Bingo at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
3rd Wednesday Jazz Jam Session at Succotash Southern & Creole Kitchen
Brett Chambers Open Mic at The Blue Note Grill
8 p.m.
Air Hockey Tournament at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Trivia Night at Bull McCabe's
Karaoke at Moon Dog Meadery
The Weeks at Motorco Music Hall
Blends With Friends at The Pinhook

Thursday, May 16

Events at Boxyard RTP

• 7:30-8 a.m. - Bike Durham: Bike to Work
• 12-2 p.m. - Taking Back Thursday: Sheila Casalett

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Brewing Company

• 12-8 p.m. -Food Truck: Mike's Vegan Cookout
• 7-9 p.m. - Thursday Trivia with Nick

8:30 a.m.
Harnessing the Power of AI to Ensure Equitable HR Practices at RTI Holden Building
9:30 a.m.
Guide Supported Canoeing, Kayaking, and Standup Paddleboarding at Eno River
12:15 p.m.
Midday Meander: A Strolling Conversation at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
3 p.m.
Guided Museum Tour at 21c Museum Hotels Durham
5 p.m.
Thirsty Thursdays at Dashi
Righteous Roots Reggae Show at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
5:30 p.m.
Walking Club with Bull City Strollers at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham
6 p.m.
Queer Trivia at Arcana
Vinyl Night with DJ Deckades at Gizmo Brew Works
6:15 p.m.
Pony Run at Ponysaurus Brewing Company
6:30 p.m.
AfterHours: Science of Beer at Museum of Life and Science
Line Dance Classes at Mystic Farm and Distillery
Space Code Youth Open Mic at NorthStar Church of the Arts
Boulders & Brews Meetup at Triangle Rock Club - Durham
7 p.m.
Trivia Night at Beer Tooth Taproom
Bimbé Cypher at CCB Plaza
Bring Your Own Vinyl Night at Congress Social Bar
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Summer Jazz Jam (Curated by Al Strong) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
Community Board Game Night at Moon Dog Meadery
Al Strong Presents Jazz on the Roof at The Durham Hotel
7:30 p.m.
Trivia Night with Big Slow Tom at Clouds Brewing Brightleaf Square
Reverend Billy C. Wirtz / Armand Lenchek & Carter Minor at The Blue Note Grill
Pillow Talk: Speed Dating and Conversations About Sex / Sexuality at The Pinhook
8 p.m.
Weekly Single Mingle at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Trivia at Fullsteam Brewery
Danny Lopriore at Motorco Music Hall
9 p.m.
DJ Halo Presents: No Requests at Rubies on Five Points
9:30 p.m.
Karaoke Night at The Tavern

Friday, May 17

Events at Atomic Empire

• 6:30 p.m. - Lorcana: Ursula’s Return Release Event
• 6:30 p.m. - Commander Legends: Battle for Baldur's Gate Draft

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Company

• 5-9 p.m. - Food Truck: La Republica Taco Truck
• 8-11 p.m. - Open Mic Stand-up Comedy

Events at Mettlesome

• 7:30-9 p.m. - Wit: An Improv Comedy Game Show
• 9-10 p.m. - Hush Hush

Events at Moon Dog Meadery

• 6:45 p.m. - Lindy Hop Lesson + Dance
• 7:30 p.m. - Djam
• 9:30 p.m. - Bachata Dance Night

Events at The Blue Note Grill

• 6-8 p.m. - The Duke Street Dogs
• 9:15 p.m. - The Beautiful People Club

10 a.m.
Tasting at Ten at Counter Culture Coffee
12 p.m.
Co-Working Social at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in Downtown Durham
4 p.m.
Late Spring Tree Ramble at Sarah P. Duke Gardens
5 p.m.
Guided Museum Tours at 21c Museum Hotels Durham
Food Truck Friday at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
5:30 p.m.
LOJO: Log Off, Jam On at Boxyard RTP
6 p.m.
Aly J & Kevin Clark and Tarot with Kathleen at Arcana
Third Friday Art Walk at Downtown Durham
Friday Night Makes at Durham Arts Council
May Third Friday at Durham Arts Council
Counterpoints Exhibition Reception at Durham Bottling Co.
Third Friday at Golden Belt Arts
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Screenprint Roundup at The Fruit
The Patio Dance Parties : Clueless Fridays at Unscripted Durham
6:30 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
7 p.m.
Live Vinyl Spinning by PhDJ at Beer Study Durham
Early Show: John Howie Jr. / Ramona and The Holy Smokes at The Pinhook
7:30 p.m.
Evening Eno Exploration Paddle at Eno River
Evan Ringel & Ariel Pocock at Sharp 9 Gallery
8 p.m.
Pass the Aux at Boricua Soul
Stereo Reveries at DSSOLVR Durham
Karaoke! at Fullsteam Brewery
Cheekface at Motorco Music Hall
Dance Blues Friday at Studio 5
9 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
10 p.m.
The Floor: Special Guest THEYDYLIKE at Rubies on Five Points

Saturday, May 18

Events at Atomic Empire

• 11 a.m. - Pokémon TCG: League Cup
• 1 p.m. - Lorcana: Ursula’s Return Release Event
• 2 p.m. - Game Designers of North Carolina Meetup

Events at Boxyard RTP 11 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. - Will & Well: Grand Opening

• 11:30 a.m. - 2:30 p.m. - Saturdaze: DJ k.ward

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Company

• 1-8 p.m. - Food Truck: Death By Taco
• 3-7 p.m. - 3rd Saturday Vintage + Maker Market
• 5-9 p.m. - Home Brewed: CNOTE Art Spectacular

Distillery Tours and Tastings at Liberty & Plenty

• Every Saturday, 10-10:30 a.m. and 11-11:30 a.m.

Events at Mettlesome

• 7:30-8:30 p.m. - House Party
• 8:30-9:30 p.m. - Harold Night
• 9:30-10:30 p.m. - Mint Condition Standup Showcase

Events at The Fruit

• 5-8 p.m. - Menace To Society Album Listening Party
• 7:30-10 p.m. - HUMP! Film Festival
• 10 p.m. - 2 a.m. - Puro Perreo Pari

Events at The Pinhook

• 7:30 p.m. - Boogie Burly Nights... A Groovy 70s Show
• 10:30 p.m. - Drake and Friends 2

Guided Walking Tours with Triangle Adventures

• 2 p.m. - Downtown Durham Walking Tour
• 4 p.m. - Durham African American History Tour
• 6 p.m. - Downtown Durham True Crime Tour

7 a.m.
Lookin For A Cure at Bull City Running Company-South
8 a.m.
Durham Farmers' Market at Durham Central Park
parkrun Durham at Southern Boundaries Park
9 a.m.
South Durham Farmers' Market at Greenwood Commons Shopping Center
9:30 a.m.
Guide Supported Canoeing, Kayaking, and Standup Paddleboarding at Eno River
10 a.m.
Pop Up Record Show at Beer Durham
Durham's Home Goods Market at Black Wall St Gardens
Bear Awareness Week at Museum of Life and Science
10:30 a.m.
Mother's Day Brunch at The Durham Hotel
11 a.m.
Battle of the Blades 2024 at Historic Durham Athletic Park
12 p.m.
Springtime Outdoor Market at Boxcar Bar + Arcade
Crafternoons at Gizmo Brew Works
Preservation Durham Annual Home Tour: The Rambling Ranch at Orchard Park Picnic Shelter
1 p.m.
Duke Baseball vs UNC at Jack Coombs Field
Say It With Glass Workshop - Sam Nguyen at Moon Dog Meadery
Bimbé Celebration at Rock Quarry Park
2 p.m.
Closing Reception — Dan Gottlieb: Figure Ground at Craven Allen Gallery
Durham "Bullpen" Treasure Hunt - Walking Team Scavenger Hunt! at Fullsteam Brewery
3 p.m.
A Beautiful Noise Spring Concert by the Common Woman Chorus at Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
Peter Pan at The Carolina Theatre
4 p.m.
Family Fun Saturday: May Flowers at Guglhupf Restaurant
5 p.m.
Rooftops and Alleyways Community Canvas Wall Brawl at Dashi
Durham Blues & Brews Festival at Durham Central Park
Hops & Blues at The Glass Jug Beer Lab in RTP
6 p.m.
The Moon Unit and Tarot with Emily at Arcana
Peter Pan at The Carolina Theatre
6:30 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
7 p.m.
A Beautiful Noise Spring Concert by the Common Woman Chorus at Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship
Crones of Anarchy: Blues, Rock, Americana at Succotash Southern & Creole Kitchen
7:30 p.m.
Jim Ketch Swingtet at Sharp 9 Gallery
Big Birthday Dance Party: Combo Platter with 2 Sides at The Blue Note Grill
8:15 p.m.
BBYMUTHA: Sleep Paralysis Tour 2024 at Motorco Music Hall
9 p.m.
Kayla Waters (Hosted by Marcus Anderson) at Missy Lane's Assembly Room
10 p.m.
Fortune Factory Presents: Taurus Dance Party at Rubies on Five Points

Sunday, May 19

Events at Atomic Empire

• 11:30 a.m. - Star Wars: Shatterpoint Tournament
• 12 p.m. - Battletech Campaign Day
• 1 p.m. - Lorcana: Ursula’s Return Release Event

Events at Durty Bull Brewing Company

• 2-4 p.m. - Hammered Trivia with Casey
• 4-8 p.m. - The Blood Connection Blood Drive

10 a.m.
Jazz Brunch at Lula & Sadie's
10:30 a.m.
Al Strong Presents Jazz Brunch at Alley Twenty Six
12 p.m.
Preservation Durham Annual Home Tour: The Rambling Ranch at Orchard Park Picnic Shelter
Sunday Dollar Bin Sale for Charity at Rumors Durham
Supernatural Sunday - Psychic Affair + Healers Market at Weldon Mills Distillery
Farmers Market at ZincHouse Winery & Brewery
12:15 p.m.
Public Tour at Duke Chapel
2 p.m.
Hillandale Golf Beginner Clinic at Hillandale Golf Course
3:30 p.m.
Davis Dance Company Spring Recital 2024 at The Carolina Theatre
4 p.m.
Showings at Scripps: Miguel Gutierrez at ADF's Samuel H. Scripps Studios
Carmina Burana at Baldwin Auditorium
Día de las Madres Kermes at El Futuro’s Therapeutic Green Space
String Break at Fullsteam Brewery
6 p.m.
Emma Jane's EP Release Show and Tarot with Joy at Arcana
Davis Dance Company Spring Recital 2024 at The Carolina Theatre
6:30 p.m.
Open Mic Night at Moon Dog Meadery
7 p.m.
DPW Limit Break at Durham Convention Center

Running Art Exhibit

Hometown (Inherited): Ten Year Retrospective at The Fruit

• This project examines the changing landscape of our city through a series of forty mixed media pieces the artist has created since 2014.
• Third Friday openings on Apr 19 and May 17, 6-9 p.m.
• Drop-in by appointment and Wednesdays 4-7 p.m.
• Free admission

Dan Gottlieb: Figure Ground at Craven Allen Gallery

• Each piece begins as a photograph, which is then printed on acrylic and worked with a variety of paints and compounds to create a unique surface.
• Sat, May 4 - Sat, May 18
• Free admission

Constellations: 40 Years of Explorations within Sacred Geometry by Steven Ferlauto at Horse & Buggy Press and Friends

• Sacred Geometry is an ancient field of physics whose equations are expressed through shape. Shape is a way to explore the universal fabric of our existence.
• Sat, May 4 - Sat, June 1
• Free admission

It Ain’t All Black And White at DAG Truist Gallery

• It Ain’t All Black and White is a photography exhibition that encourages us to consider emotions such as serenity, apprehension, yearning, and more.
• Captured by 11 dynamic photographers dedicated to documenting the fullness and complexity of Black life, this exhibition offers each of us an opportunity to see ourselves with renewed attention.
• Thu, Apr 25 - Sun, June 2

María Magdalena Campos-Pons: Behold at Nasher Museum of Art at Duke University

• María Magdalena Campos-Pons: Behold is a monographic exhibition of a visionary voice in photography, immersive installation, painting and performance.
• Thu, Feb 15 - Sun, Jun 9
• Every week, Tue-Sat 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Sun 12-5 p.m.
• Free admission

Counterpoints at Durham Bottling Co.

• Counterpoints is a curated showcase of local AAPI (Asian American Pacific Islander) artists, delving into the convergence of AAPI identity and mental health. Inspired by the intricate layers of musical counterpoint, its purpose is to weave together diverse narratives and confront the stigma surrounding mental health within our communities.
• Wed, May 1 - Sun, June 16
• Mon - Fri, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m.

Cameron Elyse's Divine Nine Legacy Memoir Exhibition at Hayti Heritage Center

• The Divine Nine Legacy Memoir delves deep into the history of the National Panhellenic Council (NPHC) or "Divine Nine," a collective of nine Greek Letter organizations founded on May 10th, 1930.
• These organizations were born out of the necessity to provide a voice for Black American students within the collegiate space. United by principles of service, community, brotherhood, and sisterhood, the Divine Nine work collectively to uplift society through acts of service to underserved areas across the nation.
• Fri, Apr 19 - Sat, June 1
• Free admission

Burner for privacy, names omitted
"People spend their entire lives looking for someone like that, and don't find it" - My Dad
We met in September 2023, the fall semester of our Freshman year of College. We started officially dating on November 17, 2023. and we broke it off on May 11, 2024 at midnight. Just a few days ago, I was dumped over video call. My now ex girlfriend 18F asked to call me 19M because she wanted to talk about "something important". Immediately I was nervous because previously, when she texted like that, it was because she wanted to discuss the state of our relationship; to air out greivances, to address ongoing issues, to restructure the way we interact, etc. Anyway, I joined the call, she was unable to speak, and to fill the silence I excitedly list off all the things I had been thinking and doing. After I ran out of things to talk about, she told me that we are polar opposites in the way we physically express affection, and for that reason, she didn't see a future where the two of us would be together and fully satisfied by the relationship we have.
I love physical affection: hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc. It didn't matter whether we were in public or alone, I loved to do it and was clear about that. Around midway between our start as a couple and our breakup, she communicated to me that she didn't like physical affection as much, and in some cases found it mentally and physically draining. I didn't completely understand, and even now can't pinpoint a pattern relating circumstance and desire for physical affection. Nonetheless, I respected her word, and made a point to ask if she was ok with being hugged before I did it.
After she assured me that she had made up her mind, I asked her repeatedly if there were any other factors contributing to her desire to break up, and she assured me that it was only this singular point of contention. She explained that there would be times that I would cross a physical boundary, and when she would pull away, I would make chase like it was some sort of game. And, regretfully, I did think of those interactions as a game, just, not how she did. When she would settle into my arms and press herself against me, I thought it was because I had won her over, as if I had persuaded her to let me have her in my arms. She told me that she submitted because she was tired of constantly having to tell me no. She wasn't enjoying it, and I thought she was.
Saying all of that outright makes our relationship sound so cold and mechanical, right? Well that couldn't be further from the truth.
F and I clicked so easily when we first met. She taught me how to bake, I taught her how to cook her favorite dish, and our senses of humor bounced off of each other infectiously. When I was sick she came to my dorm and fed me. When she came back to our state from the airport after Thanksiving my parents and I drove out to pick her up and fed her lunch before we left to school together. We went from talking to dating so fast that I joked about our scenario being akin to the plot of a romcom anime. Our philosophical views aligned, our ideals in a romantic partner aligned, our sexual preferences aligned. Whenever there was some sort of issue, we would talk about solving it until we were both content with the consensus. We were the couple that our friends took candid pictures of and posted to mutual groupchats saying how we make them feel sick, lonely, and single, and how seeing the two of us together made them feel like "jumping off the 3rd floor balcony of the [Student Union]", I had come to think that we could do anything and go anywhere together, that this was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I would jokingly hint about marriage, and she would reciprocate the joke and dig her head into my chest. Things like *points at a picture of old couple on food packaging* "this is literally us, all old and shit together", to which she responded with "yeah, we could do that... grow old together". She told me that she has never felt more content with a relationship in her life, saying that I made her feel so safe and happy.
These are the contents of a card she gave to me on my 19th Birthday (April): "Dear [my name], HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY!!! Thank you for being an awesome cooking partner, lock-in buddy, and most of all wonderful boyfriend. Not a day goes by without you making me laugh. You spark joy in my life, and I truly cannot imagine how every day would be without taking to you or seeing your smile. Thank you for always being there for me. I feel so incredibly grateful and lucky to have gotten to know you during this short year. It really bogggles my mind how one person can be so cute, handsome, passionate, hard-working, talented, and kind. You really are an inspiring person and I could not have asked for a better person to eat with, laugh with, and love every day. Thank you for making my life brighter!..."
I am confident that she enjoyed our time together, I am confident that she was sad about the breakup too, and I am confident that she was always honest when she confided in me.
I don't know if this is pertinent to the conversation, but F's parents are separated, but not divorced. Her father often leaves for "business", and his affairs are an open secret. This development surfaced a few year before I met her, and it emotionally crushed her. Her father was very unloving, and even taught her that "people who want physical affection are just needy". Her parents have also historically been against romantic relationships, and when we revealed that we were dating to her mother at one of F's performances, her mother outright didn't discuss it with her, and refused to talk to her for a short period of time.
She told me she still cares about me, and that she wants to remain friends. I know though that if we were to remain as friends, I wouldn't be able to keep my feelings hidden.
I want to talk about it to people at my school, but I'm not close with any of them like that, and will likely come off as a needy, self-absorbed killjoy. I don't know what to do with myself, and have felt frozen from productivity since this incident. I want to win her back, but know that I shouldn't. I feel so powerless, and I feel so useless, because I know there is nothing I can do now but move on with my life. I don't know what I was hoping for with this post, maybe to just have a wall to cry into?
I fear that I'll never find someone as perfect as her again.
それがあなたの幸せとしても - Spotify

I was raped when I was 13 years old by a family member. Hindi sya tumigil dun. After that, everytime he hugged me tsinatsansingan nya private parts ko; minsan nahalikan nya ako sa cheeks to say na proud sya sa achievements ko pero he also kissed the corner of my lips. Then nararamdaman ko rin minsan pag gabi na may naghihimas ng pwet ko tapos I remember na minsan sinisipa ko sya kahit antok na antok ako (maliit lang kwarto namin noon kaya sa paanan sya namin nakatulog) then titigil sya. Then makakatulog na ako ulit at minsan mararamdaman ko naman ulit yun. Like, di ba sya natutulog?????
Ang tao na iyon ay ang ama ko.
Bakit di ko sinabi sa mama ko? Dahil takot ako noon at na feel ko na di ko maaasahan ang sarili kong ina. Sya kasi yung type ng ina na maliit na problema lang nagpapanic attack, nagha-hyperventilate, naoospital, o minsan nagagalit na as in super galit. So minsan makokoksensya ka talaga kaya tahimik nalang. Dapat yung sinasabi ay good news lagi. Like noong nag 3rd honors "nalang" ako sa school instead of 1st or 2nd, grabe yung sermon na naabot ko kasi di daw ako nag-aaral at pinapahiya ko raw yung pamilya. Bawal kaming mga anak na magsalits ng bad words pero sa kanya ko rin naman natutunan ang mga iyon. Bawal din yung sobrang happiness kasi maingay daw at pangit ko daw tumawa eh wala namang dapat ikasiya.
Ilang taon kong tinago ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Di ko mayakap ang ama ko at iba kong male relatives kasi nandidiri ako. Di na rin ako kumakapit sa kanya tuwing nakamotor, bahala na kung lumipad ako.
Many years later I moved abroad and got married. I found out that my dad also cheated on my mom at sa bahay ko pa niya dinala yung babae. I have a post about that too. It took months to tell that to my mom kasi akala ko rin mamamatay sya habang wala ako sa Pinas. But I finally did through video call. Surprisingly, she took it well. However, later on, they acted like nothing happened at sinasabihan nya pa ako na tatay ko parin yun. She is also trying to make him look good like telling me na sya daw nagpapakain sa mga alaga na naiwan ko, etc. Sinabi ko rin ito sa kuya ko pero sabi nya rin na tatay parin namin yun at nag party party pa sila.
My husband knows about the rape. Sya yung una kong sinabihan kung sino talaga and he got so angry kasi he gave gifts to this person, he paid for the medical needs of this person, etc. He supported me all the way and feel ko sya nalang natitira kong kakampi ngayon.
Just recently, I decided to come out about my rape case to my family pero di ko parin sinabi sa kanila kung sino. Inexplain ko sa kanila na yan yung rason kung bakit ang dali para sakin na mangibang bansa. Yan yung reason kung bakit di na ako yumayakap o tumatawa sa bahay, o nag aattend ng party with relatives. Naging black sheep talaga ako. Pero mahal ko sila. Ako nagbabayad ng pangangailangan nila kahit may mga sweldo naman sila. Di lang namin alam kung saan napupunta yung sweldo nila. Ako nagpapaaral sa youngest namin and in charge of wifi, groceries, medications and birthdays, pero for some reason wala silang pambayad ng kuryente?
My mom recently messaged my husband, may bill daw sya na mga 4000+, pero nanghihingi ng 50k.
After confessing, akala ko noon na they will finally understand na. Pero hindi. Actually, galit sila. Spoiled daw ako at sinabi ko daw yun dahil hindi ko sila mahal at dahil daw galit ako na di ako nakapag-aral sa gusto kong university.
The audacity talaga to tell me na spoiled lang ako after I just spilled all of the pain I felt dahil na rape ako.
My mom and my older brother messaged me and my husband na culture daw namin yun na mga Filipino families at dapat respetuhin ko parin ang pamilya ko. Kasalanan ko daw na di ako nagsalita noon kaya nag-iinarte ako ngayon. Sana daw sinabi ko para napakulong yung tao. Kung sinabi ko kaya kung sino talaga, ipapakulong nga ba talaga nila after nilang paulit-ulit na kinampihan? Sinabi din nila na patawarin ko na daw kung sino man yun kasi Kristiyano naman daw ako and the seed of God‘s word. Sinabihan din nila husband ko na "kahit di kami mahal ni ____ mahal namin sya."
Nagpost din mama ko sa wall ko na pasensya na dahil di ko nabigay mga gusto mo. Baka may iba ka pang gustong sabihin ipost mo na lahat para ang lahat ay magsaya.
Ako talaga pinalabas na masama.

Hi all! I think I am just looking for mostly reassurance at this point regarding taking care of my grandma. Here is my situation (buckle up, this is a long one):
I was estranged from my biological father and his family from my teen years until about 2 years ago. Long story short, my parents got divorced when I was 2, my mom moved me out of state when she married my stepfather and I spent every summer in childhood visiting my father's family. For context, I am the only child of my father (my mom had other children from a later marriage, my half siblings, my father never had any more kids). Around my teen years, those visits stopped and I just kept in contact with my biological grandmother on my dad's side through the occasional letters over the years. I have a lot of resentment toward my parents for their poor decision making and how it's affected so much of how I act in my relationships as an adult. I have sought out therapy and am doing my best to recover.
In May of 2022, I received a phone call from my paternal grandma (who was 97 at the time), which was so unusual and very nerve-wracking because she never called me, we only communicated through letters. She told me that my father was very sick but couldn't give me many details. She was very hard of hearing and knew nothing about his illness except that it was a "blood disease." My father had been divorced 3 times and after the 3rd one, he moved in with my grandma and they were great friends. I think it was a good arrangement for them both. After that phone call, I did a lot of thinking and soul searching and decided that I should visit my father.
My husband (who never met this side of my family) and I visited my father and grandma later that month. I was shocked at their condition. My father never got up from his chair and looked so frail and sick. My grandma was actually in better health than him despite her age, but she still obviously couldn't care for him in his sickness. She could barely get up from her chair and was very unsteady walking around. I tried to get details from my father about his health but he was confused and unable to tell me anything concrete. But he did tell me that hospice was coming to see him the next day. So we came back the next day to be there when the hospice intake nurse came. He was even more confused the next day, couldn't spell his middle name or answer questions clearly. I did my best to answer questions (even though I barely knew him since we had been estranged for so long) and provided my phone number as a contact for them. It was all incredibly overwhelming. That meeting ended with my father wanting a little more time to think about it before being officially admitted to hospice. My husband and I went back home and I was overwhelmed about everything.
A few days later, I got a phone call from hospice. My father had reached a point where he was incontinent and belligerent and my grandma called the phone number on the card the hospice worker had left from her visit because she was desperate for help. I was suddenly thrust into a situation of trying to make decisions for a man I barely knew states away. It was obvious my 97 year old grandmother could no longer care for him at home, so he was taken to the hospital. I was able to talk with his doctor over the phone who told me that he had leukemia. The treatment he had been receiving was not working and he estimated that my father had 6 weeks to live. He would be admitted to an inpatient hospice facility until he died. I barely was able to process that because there was another huge issue: who is going to look after my grandma after he dies?
(A little more family background here: my father has an older brother who lives out of state. The two brothers never got along and from what I hear, my uncle had the tendency to rub people the wrong way. My uncle only communicated with his mother - my grandma - through the occasional birthday and Christmas card. That uncle has 2 kids, my cousins, who live in the same state as my uncle. The older cousin calls my grandma once in a while. My grandma has distant relatives who live about 45 minutes away and visit very occasionally.)
My husband and I talked a lot and I decided that I needed to go and stay with my grandma while my dad was in hospice. I was able to work remotely and so was my husband, so we made the drive back to my grandma's house and stayed with her, taking her to visit my dad every day, cooking, cleaning, etc.
My dad died on May 31, 2022, only about a week after he was admitted to hospice. I handled all the logistics and planning of the funeral. My grandma, who was totally competent mentally, was stone cold deaf and emotionally unable to handle any of it, so I was left to do everything, despite barely knowing him and not really having the chance to process my own very complicated grief at losing an estranged parent. Fortunately he had the wisdom to take out a life insurance policy years before with me as the beneficiary and I was able to pay for the funeral with that money.
And instead of his death being the end of something, it was the beginning of the most stressful time in my adult life. I spent day and night looking into care options for my grandma. We finally got her some hearing aides (something my father never thought to do for her I guess) and I spent hours on the internet, researching what is covered by Medicare, if she was eligible for Medicaid, etc. I called her state's agency for aging, multiple home health aide companies, the works. We had to go back to our home state to resume our lives, and all the while, my mental energy was spent on worrying about her and running through every option for care over and over again.
And here we are, TWO YEARS LATER. My grandma is now 99 years old at the end of this month. In May of last year, my husband very unexpectedly and heartbreakingly lost his job of 12 years. After that happened, we decided it was time to pick up our lives and move in with our grandma. While we were living in our state and she alone in hers after my dad died, I called her pretty much every day to check on her. I was constantly anxious and on edge. We visited her as much as we could but it is a long drive and we couldn't always put our lives on hold to visit her.
We moved in in December. And it has absolutely been one of the hardest times of my life. My husband and I are in dire straits financially (he is still struggling to find consistent work and my work is seasonal, we're just getting into my busy season but honestly, I don't make a lot of money). My grandma can still barely hear with her hearing aides in so I always have to raise my voice to talk to her and repeat myself multiple times. I spend hours of my time taking her to doctor's appointments (which is not an easy feat because she is wheelchair bound outside of the home), on the phone with doctors, picking up medicine, etc. I feel constant pressure to make sure she cared for. Overall she is a pleasant person but she is also a master of Italian Catholic guilt and passive aggressiveness. There is no one else to help us. I feel like I am slowly dying inside little by little every day.
So if you've made it this far, here is where I am looking for reassurance. We have to go back to our home state multiple times this summer for family obligations and my work (I am a wedding photographer and contracted to photograph weddings this summer back home). For example, at the end of May, we have to be gone for over 2 weeks to go to multiple graduations of nieces and nephews, open houses, etc. And I feel extremely guilty for leaving.
Here is more about my grandma and her current status for context:

• She is perfectly coherent mentally. Totally capable of taking her own medicine (which is not too much considering her age).
• She has a shower aide come once a week to help her in the shower. She has a walk in shower with a chair and extendable shower head. She also had handles on the toilet we recently installed. She dresses herself every day.
• She is unsteady on her feet but relies on her walker in the house. She is good about using it and doesn't go without it.
• She still cooks a little, uses the stove to boil vegetables, etc. Uses the microwave for her instant coffee, soups and TV dinners. I cook dinners regularly and she will often eat what I make.
• She has Medicare and supplemental insurance. She is not eligible for Medicaid. She owns her house outright and has about $60,000 in savings. She is unwilling to pay for private home health aides to come in our absence and unfortunately, my husband and I cannot afford them.
• She was on hospice care after my dad died. Her PCP knew the situation, that she would be alone, so she referred to us to hospice so she would at least have a nurse check on her once a week. It was extremely hard to get her admitted and she was able to stay on their service up until a few weeks ago, when they booted her because she is not deteriorating. I understand that hospice is for end of life care and just because someone is 99 it doesn't mean they automatically qualify. But it's a little scary losing that safety net.
• I tried to enroll her in VA benefits because her husband was a veteran. They denied her because she makes too much in social security every month.
• She hates being alone and has brought up multiple times how worried she is to be alone while we're gone.

Here are the things we have set in place to help care for her in our absence:

• We have one camera set up in the living room where she spends most of her time. Only my husband and I can access the camera remotely via our phones when needed to check on her. I am going to talk to her about installing 2 more, one in the kitchen and one in her bedroom.
• She has a Life Alert that she wears around her neck. She very good about wearing it all the time.
• Her shower aide will be here once a week.
• She has 2 neighbors who are great about checking in on her when needed. They both have keys to the house. I also have a group text of a handful of people in the area she is friends with who have keys to the house and can come over in an emergency. I am going to text everyone to let them know the dates we will be gone and ask them to call and check on her regularly.

So my question is this: is this enough? Can I leave her and not feel guilty? I've spent countless hours and tears struggling with this question.
(Thank you to all of you who read all this and my prayers are with you on your own caregiving journeys!)

Today is my 3rd birthday. Aka 3 years ago I started HRT. Almost 4 years total into my transition. It has not been easy. But it has been worth it. I’m glad you all have been part of my journey so far.