Demographics
Gender: Male
Race/Ethnicity: East Asian
Residence: Ontario, Canada
Income Bracket: 125k~ USD/yr (need financial aid, and i'm international)
Type of School: Public School
Hooks (Recruited Athlete, URM, First-Gen, Geographic, Legacy, etc.): None rly, Potential walk-on athlete?
Intended Major(s): Biology
Academics
GPA (UW/W): 3.25 UW/3.9 W (unofficial GPA, school doesn't calculate or send GPA)
Rank (or percentile): School doesn't rank

of Honors/AP/IB/Dual Enrollment/etc.: Full IBDP, AP Calculus BC (5), AP Stats (5)

Senior Year Course Load:

1. IB2 English HL
2. IB2 Chemistry HL
3. IB2 Biology HL
4. IB2 Math AA HL
   
5. IB2 History SL
   
6. IB2 French B SL
   
7. Grade 12 Physics
   

Standardized Testing
SAT: 1550 (760 English, 790 Math)
June 2023 (1st attempt, didn't retake)
Extracurriculars/Activities
List all extracurricular involvements, including leadership roles, time commitments, major achievements, etc.

1 - Senior Boys Basketball Team Member for 3 years, Regional All-star sr year

(Only received recruiting interest from Canadian Schools)

2 - Biochem Research Assistant at Local University (presented a portion of the research I completed at science fair)

3 - Local Gym Club Founder

4 - Gym Tiktok (if yk me don't dox me) (20k~ followers)

5 - Family Responsibilities

6 - Local Basketball Youth team Coach

7 - Investing

8 - Hospital Volunteer

9 - Paid Math tutor (not for long)

10 - Math Circle Member (Community)

Awards/Honors

1 - CMO Qualifier (2023) - {top quartile in 2023, invited to write IMO TST, did not go tho}

• Documented in my Rec letter from math teacher
  
• also qualified for 2024 CMO, not in app tho, did worst than last year
  

2 - AMC Distinction (2022) - {AIME Qualifier in 2023}

• also qualified for AIME in 2024 and barely qualified for USAMO (120 AMC, 13 AIME 250 index), updated unis following qualification and sent AIME I '24 score of 13 in February 2024.

3 - Regional Science Fair Bronze Medalist (2023) - Qualified for National Science Fair

4 - Canadian Chemistry Contest Distinction (2023)

5 - USACO Gold

(Updated Schools with USAMO Qualification + some other smaller Math/CS contests results in February of this admissions cycle)
++ included some lesser known math/cs contest results in additional information section
Letters of Recommendation
IB French B teacher (9/10) - super chill she let me write it, wrote a lot about me being funny and actually caring about the class a bit despite nobody gaf about french at my school
IB Math teacher (10/10) - wrote about my strength in math and problem solving, how I made the class hella fun to be in, and how im a person everyone likes to be around. Bro blessed me tf up, but tbf i was prolly the best student he ever has had in terms of math strength. I also talk to him about the NBA regularly and he talked about that too. Really well written was acc super happy he wrote me such a good letter. He showed me it and I was pre surprised that he blessed up like that.
School Basketball Coach (9/10) - wrote this myself. Short and sweet stating im a hardworking player and great teammate/leader. pre well written tbh, some anecdotes too
Research Mentor (8/10) - wrote about my professionalism and strong logic/reasoning abilities combined with my aptitude/passion for science
Interviews
Dartmouth (6/10) - 25 mins, cool interviewer but short and just asked scripted questions lmao
UPenn (8/10) - 1 hr, pre cool guy, he was an athlete and we talked about a bunch of diff things
Princeton (4/10) - 25 mins, interviewer just asked scripted questions, didn't even smile or anything so robotic and lame
Harvard (9/10) - 3 hours, Investment banker dude who loves basketball, talked about a bunch of stuff esp basketball and he told me he would put in a superb note for me
Essays
Personal Statement (9/10): Spent a lot of time on this mofo, at least 50 hours (idk why I was such a perfectionist). Topic is deeply personal but reflected my growth as a human. Semi trauma dump, but also one that showcased lots of intellect id say.
Supplements (8/10): Friends/teachers helped me edit these, i'd say they were very unique. Wrote about biotech, the basketball community and a bunch more topics. I always told a story through these. My english teacher said they were very pleasing to read.
Decisions (all RD, was super busy in the beginning of the year)
Acceptances:
Harvard
Waterloo CS (Canada)
UofT CS (Canada)
UBC CS (Canada)
some other safeties in Canada
Waitlists:
UPenn
Rejections:
Brown (applied for need as intl)
Columbia (applied for need as intl)
Dartmouth
Princeton
Yale
MIT
Amherst (LAC)
Bowdoin (LAC)
Additional Information:
Didn't care about grades in freshman year and had all barely passing grades except for math/science so like equivalent to a 1.7~ something GPA in grade 9.
but yeah. got harvard with my shitty ass transcript. IG USAMO + breadth in ECs + not applying for CS/math helped. good interview + sat also played into my favour. 21 people from my school applied and a lot of them have lame ass personalities and im sure that reflected in their essays. even though my grades sucked in grade 9, they were roughly equal to everyone elses in my school for grade 11 who applied which is the most important year i hear so yeah thats that.
got decent finaid so i will be attending.
At a certain point in February even after scoring highly on AIME, I thought I'd have no chance so I was just ready to commit to a Canadian school which is cheap and provides a strong education (i got into waterloo early bc i did rly good on all their math/cs contests and had a decent top 6 course average) Waterloo CS is like roughly equal to t5 cs in the US and is crazy for industry placements.

The previous year at my school we changed courses and I had to be the partner of the person who bullied me when I was little (18F) . I am one of those people who do not hold grudges or hatred and therefore we became friends, leaving aside the past, the girl was talking to someone about wanting to go out with him, they both liked each other. (19M)
​
Throughout this process they became lovers, but then there were many problems between them. My dad put me in a basketball course because I had physical health problems, it turns out that there was that boy and several of my friends, within that group we all became very close and sometimes we used to go out to play, little by little we became friends and our conversations were based on "is she angry? what can I do to fix her?" and I gave him advice, then we only talked about ASMR.
​
Their relationship ended because there were many problems, she thought that he had been unfaithful to her, but that had not been the case and I tried to explain it to her, but she only got angry with me and told me "don't try to defend him." 19M. It should be noted that when there were small problems or arguments within our group of friends, I always tried to explain things to her so that they could be resolved, but she did not listen to me.
​
In December I had a personal problem that really affected me a lot and I remember that he sent me a reel right at 1 in the morning and then I told him that I was wrong, he heard me cry from 1 in the morning until 5 in the morning Furthermore, he helped me solve that problem and overcome it, which is why he is a friendship that I value very much.
​
After these events, she was angry with me because I got along with him and she even stopped following me on all social networks. Then I asked her if she wanted me to stop getting along with him and I did, I no longer spoke to her nor did we get along so I could be on good terms with her. Then she started talking to another boy and around that time the problem I had in December resurfaced. When I saw that she was talking to someone else, I asked her if she could take me with him again and she told me "I don't know, that will be your problem." and he got angry, but I took him back to me because I needed someone who knew about the problem and could help me.
​
The guy I was starting to talk to was my friend, after a few moments they stopped talking. Since we were already friends before, we were talking to more people and then we decided to share some notes on ig; she noticed those notes and I think she thought she started talking to him in a different way, but that wasn't the case, so in the notes she put "D*mn, I also have chewed gum if you want" and then "disgusting "friend", after that she didn't even see me again and there were people who told her that I had said that she was angry because I wanted to be with her ex, but that wasn't true, I never said anything like that and she just called me out on that and said she didn't want me to even talk to the person she's currently talking to (who is also my friend since I was 9), and then she told me "two-faced, hyp*critical and mean." friend" but I told her that wasn't the case and she simply stopped responding to me, now she doesn't talk to me or greet me, but we are still friends and it's a little uncomfortable I think. I want to emphasize that I was never with that boy, that we were only friends and that I was never talking to any of his exes about wanting to go out with them, they were already my friends except for the boy I mentioned before, but it was only him with whom we became friends through basketball.
​
It seems to me that she and other people think that I went out with that boy, but that was never the case and I feel bad because for her I am a b*tch. Everyone told me to leave her there because she is a very emotionally immature person and that I was always behind her to explain things that didn't even require explanations, she also never listened to my explanations and only spoke to me again when she needed help with a homework assignment, which She always treated me badly and insulted me, but I always tried to defend her and understand her.
​
Now I just hope this stops and I can get to vacation.In short, my friend is angry with me and said several bad things to me because I am friends with her ex.

Seeing a lot of “Book stuck it out with this garbage franchise how dare you turn on him” posts and comments. He got credit for that, good on him, and as far as I’m concerned that credit carried him through THREE of his last failures. But now we are at the fourth. Book choked against Milwaukee, he choked against Dallas, and despite his phenomenal playoffs last year, he blew it in game 6 against the nuggets and didn’t even try. We had no comeback to the criticism even then and most people still stuck with him myself included. But this is the fourth time in a row this dude has let us down and it’s particularly worse because he doesn’t even seem to care at all. How as a human could you possibly root for that? If these guy gave it everything they had and came up short, that’s a different story.
We are looking at 2 extremely good players in KD and Book with abysmal attitudes, who honestly appear to be not coachable at this point, who refuse to shoot more 3s and who would rather dink around with midrange jumpers and aesthetically pleasing finesse basketball than try to make adjustments and win. Have some self respect and some respect for the franchise these bums don’t deserve your energy.

If you plan on applying to Uni next cycle, whether you're in Y12 or your taking a gap year or whatever, here's some advice on picking where you want to go:

1. Go to the open/offer holder days: This is the most important so I'll put it first. After applying, for Biochemistry, my preferred universities were Aston and Surrey (I applied to Aston, Essex, Oxford (RIP) and QMUL, with A*A*B predicted, and got offers from all bar Oxford). I have Essex as my firm choice (CCC/96 Points) after going to there twice, and QMUL as my insurance (ABB). My reviews of the days will be at the bottom of the post.

You learn so much more from the students and you can try to picture yourself there. Go look at the on campus stores and restaurants (if it's a campus University), walk around on your own and see everything the Uni has to offer. You can compare the pros and cons of each after.

1. Benefits the Universities offer: This was one of the big pulling factors for Essex. By benefits, I mean things like high scholarships and grants, jobs on campus, free gym memberships, free bus passes, anything like that. Having grants and scholarships makes thing easier financially and for the other things I listed, they can save you more money throughout your time at University.
   
2. Study Abroad Opportunities/Placement Links: You'll find this out more on your open/offer holder days, but if you want to take an extra year doing either of these, you'd want to go to a cool place or a good company and each Uni has different partnerships that you can benefit from. For example, Essex already has good Uni partnerships but they're also part of ISEP (International Student Exchange Program) which means I have the chance of going to some really cool Universities in 3rd year.
   
3. Sports and Extracurriculars: If you enjoy sports like me, you may also be interested in joining a sports team. There's more sports that you can try that maybe you wouldn't get the chance to. I'm personally looking at American football and Basketball.
   

Now, my thoughts on the offer holder days:

1. Leicester - I haven't mentioned it because I didn't apply to there, but I've been to the Uni 3 times because their open days had free travel and I like going places, so I went twice with friends and the 3rd time was a school trip. It was really nice and I probably would've applied but I felt the grade requirements were too high for how they're ranked on league tables.
   
2. Essex (1st time) - My sister goes there so we dropped her off and I liked it, the park next to the library was really nice and it was lively even though it was a random Tuesday. It was after I applied, so I may have had a slight bias, but I felt really drawn to it. After that, I already knew I'd at least have it as my insurance since it was my lowest offer
   
3. Surrey - Maybe it's because it was Valentine's day, but it was just... 'dry'. It felt lifeless. The buildings looked alright, and it was here where I learned the most about what studying Biochemistry would be like. Even the shopping centre looked cool, but I knew, it wasn't for me. This may have been due to the low ethnic diversity I saw (again, I may have just gone on a bad day).It does seem good for education quality, but the vibes were not there
   
4. Essex (Offer Holder Day) - I went there already even more biased than the first time, since I had already been, it wasn't about touring the school. In the life sciences building, which looked amazing, I learned about my department but not much at all about Biochemistry at all, my sister said she was going to show me around and told me to wait in the North Teaching Centre, which also looked good. While I was still waiting for her, I was walking around aimlessly around campus and saw the astro football pitch and tennis domes. The domes shocked me, I never expected to see that on a UK University campus. Anyways, when my sister was taking me around the campuses, my highlights were the sports arena (which is why I want to be on the basketball team even more) and the fast food restaurant, Buffalo Joe's. I was there from 9:30 from ~19:00 and if it wasn't for the distance, I would've stayed there longer. I just felt like I'd fit in perfectly, maybe due to the high diversity. Also they have a cat as their mascot which you see walking through the campus
   
5. Queen Mary's University - When I applied here, I has absolutely no intention of going because it's in London, the only reason I even went was to get out of Saturday Economics in school. Surprisingly, it really changed my mind. First was the department talk at the Great Hall. It gave the impression that they really cared about the students. After that, I was with my friend and we we had the lab session which was average. The subject talk was next, and it was about Diabetes so I wasn't really interested since I felt as though I wasn't learning about my subject. After that however, there was a student Q&A at the Great Hall again, and I learnt a lot and was really warming up to the Uni. The fact it's a campus Uni in London was cool as well. The campus tours was after that and seeing the whole campus was nice. I liked it, diverse and high reputation. It left a strong impression on me. And, I think the shock of that made the impression even stronger
   
6. Aston - It matched up to my initial expectations, the UK's 2nd city, high diversity and a really cool place to be. The day was structured well and the tour guide was really nice (shout out Humaira), the subject talk was really in depth as well and the student testimonials taught me that you don't have to do your degree subject during your study abroad year. The lab session was good as well but nothing different from all the others. The pull for Aston was the city, I really liked Birmingham and I spent a good hour or 2 going round Bullring with my mum.
   

Overall, QMUL and Essex were my favourites, Aston fell short because it didn't have good opportunities to study abroad so I picked QMUL ahead of it (Essex had a guaranteed spot for me). Offer holder and open days can shift your whole provisional Uni tierlist. I would definitely recommend

I still can’t believe it
2022 Draft Guide
2023 Draft Guide
Thanks to u/Falt_ssb for the title idea

The Chicago Bears were Built in a Day

Rd	##	Pick	Pos/School
1*	1	Caleb Williams	QB – USC
1	9	Rome Odunze	WR – Washington
3	75	Kiran Amegadjie	OT – Yale
4*	122	Tory Taylor	P – Iowa
5*	144	Austin Booker	EDGE - Kansas

(*) Denotes acquired through trade
Trades

Bears Receive	Panthers Receive
Caleb Williams – QB	Bryce Young – QB
DJ Moore – WR
Darnell Wright – OT
Tyrique Stevenson – CB
2025 2nd

Bears Receive	Commanders Receive
Montez Sweat – DE	2.40 – Traded to the Eagles – Cooper DeJean, CB

Bears Receive	Chargers Receive
Kennan Allen - WR	4.110 – Traded to the Patriots – Javon Baker, WR

Bears Receive	Bills Receive
5.144	2025 4th

Bears Receive	Bills Receive
Ryan Bates - C	5.144

Bears Receive	Dolphins Receive
Dan Feeney – OG	6.184

Bears Receive	Patriots Receive
N’Keal Harry – WR	7.231

No Longer With the Team
Free Agency Signings + Narrative Blurb
• Kevin Byard, S – Contract
• D’Andre Swift, RB – Contract
• Jonathan Owens, S – Contract
• Gerald Everett, TE – Contract
• Matt Pryor, OT – Contract
• Brett Rypien, QB – Contract
• Amen Ogbongbemiga, LB – Contract
• Coleman Shelton, C – Contract
• Jake Curhan, OT – Contract
• Jake Martin, DE – Contract
• Dante Pettis, WR – Contract
• Byron Cowart, DT – Contract
Sources
• Athletics Dane Bruglar’s The Beast: NFL Draft Guide
• RAS
• NFL Mock Draft Database consensus big board
• Austin Mock & Nick Baumgardner’s Consensus Big Board (A&N CB)
• Daniel Jeremiah’s Top 150 Prospects

Rd 1 – 1 Overall: Caleb Williams, QB – USC

RAS - N/A
Highlights – 1, 2
Dane’s Grade: 1st round (1 Overall)
Rank of 2024 QBs: 1
Consensus Big Board Ranking: 1
Daniel Jeremiah: 1
A&N CB: 1
2023 Season

GP/GS	CP-ATT	CP%	YDS	TD	INT	CAR	YDS	AVG	TD
12/12	266-388	68.6	3,633	30	5	97	136	1.4	11

Notes: Honorable mention All-Pac-12

STRENGTHS: Rare football awareness … impressive pocket mobility and feel for negotiating the rush to evade defenders in confined spaces … displays the unique ability to quickly set his base and find his balance from any platform … passes come buzzing out of his ear with high RPMs, but he can also adjust his arm angles with ease … able to create torque on his throws while flat-footed … delivers with both touch and accuracy, regardless if he is making a layered throw or drive throw … uses the entire field and doesn’t lean on specific zones … comfortable delivering the ball before receivers enter their break … eyes are always up and stay in pass-first mode when scrambling … at his best with receivers who know how to get open on scramble drills (his teammates call it “Baller mode”) … didn’t throw an interception on third or fourth down at USC (199 pass attempts) … reads pressures well pre-snap and knows how to locate his hot reads … dynamic with zone-read and RPO game … well-built athlete who runs with toughness and balance as a ball carrier (grew up playing running back and linebacker and never lost that mentality with the ball in his hands) … averaged 10.1 yards per carry over his career and led USC in rushing touchdowns in each of the past two seasons … emotional competitor and exhibits “field general” leadership qualities on tape … highly productive career, accounting for an FBS-best 120 touchdowns over the last three seasons; only two other players reached triple digits over that span (Sam Hartman, 116; Bo Nix, 105) … finished his career 23-10 as a starter (18-8 at USC and 5-2 at Oklahoma) — the Trojans’ defense gave up at least 34 points in all eight losses (43.0 points per game allowed).
WEAKNESSES: Holds the ball loose from his body, and ball security is a major concern (in the pocket and as a ball carrier) — 16 of his 33 career fumbles came in 2023 … guilty of bypassing singles and doubles as he searches for home runs and asks too much of his offensive line (240 of his drop backs the last two seasons lasted 4-plus seconds) … can get stuck on reads too long, and eyes need to be more efficient and manipulative … pressure will speed up his process and lead to negative results (see 2023 Notre Dame tape) … partially responsible for being sacked 84 times over the last three years, including 35 times in 2023 … hastily abandons his passing mechanics … occasionally leaves clean pockets in favor of creation mode … NFL scouts say it will be important for Caleb to “leave no doubt” during the interview process that he is all-in on football (NFL scout: “He wants to be Jay-Z of the NFL and a true entrepreneur, and that’s great as long as he’s winning on the field.”).
SUMMARY: A two-year starter at USC, Williams was a playmaking quarterback in head coach Lincoln Riley’s RPO, spread scheme with Air Raid concepts (Y-Cross, mesh, etc.) and heavy play action (38.5 percent in 2023). One of the most decorated and productive players in USC’s rich football history, he set single-season school records for passing yards and touchdowns in 2022 and accounted for more plays of 20-plus yards (134) and 50-plus yards (20) than any other college player over the last two seasons. With his base and body balance, Williams is always in a “ready-to-throw” position to deliver throws anywhere on the field with velocity and accuracy. What makes him special is his poise and mobility to masterfully buy time and create second-chance plays, although he tends to be overconfident in his ability to find answers among the chaos. He led the FBS in touchdowns (120) and “wow” plays over the last three years, but he also led the country in fumbles (33) over that same span and needs to take better care of the football.
Overall, Williams needs to be more consistent working on-schedule from the pocket, but you live with the hiccups because the positives are special with his dynamic passing skills and instinctive ability to create. Though stylistically he is like a really impressive karaoke-style version of Patrick Mahomes, he is truly unique as a playmaker.

Rd 1 – 9 Overall: Rome Odunze, WR – Washington

guys literally only want one thing and it’s fucking disgusting
RAS - 9.92
Athletic Comps
Highlights
Dane’s Grade: 1st round (6 Overall)
Rank of 2024 WRs: 3
Consensus Big Board Ranking: 6
Daniel Jeremiah: 3
A&N CB: 5
2023 Season

GP/GS	REC	YDS	AVG	TD	DROP
15/14	92	1,640	17.8	13	3

Notes: Consensus All-American; First Team All-Pac-12; Led FBS in rec. yds; 83-yd PR TD; 14-yd rush TD; Team Captain

STRENGTHS: Good-sized athlete with desirable measurables … coordinated pass catcher and snatches cleanly (very low drop rate the past two seasons) … plays exceptionally well through contact … uses his length to make full-extension grabs and his frame to box out and win contested balls … tracks the deep ball like Ken Griffey Jr. patrolled centerfield … route running showcases his light feet and body twitch … gliding speed and toggles his ac celebration to stack corners or create late separation … competes with physicality, before and after the catch … multi-faceted and can be a vertical threat but also a red-zone weapon … his track training and conditioning is clear on the football field … just three career punt returns, but he returned one 83 yards for a touchdown in 2023 … smart, respected voice in the locker room and voted a team captain by his teammates for his final season … will play through pain — suffered a broken rib and punctured lung recovering an onside kick (September 2023) but didn’t miss any time … he looked up all of Washington’s receiving records after he enrolled and met several of his lofty goals, including breaking Reggie Williams’ single-season record for receiving yards
WEAKNESSES: Needs to continue expanding his route tree … average suddenness in short areas and change of direction … can occasionally make the first man miss, but his elusiveness is mediocre by NFL standards … handled press well when he saw it but jam technique needs continued development … fumbled twice in 2023 … perimeter run blocking is very up and down and needs more consistency … just 60 career snaps on special-teams coverages
SUMMARY: A three-year starter at Washington, Odunze primarily lined up outside in former offensive coordinator Ryan Grubb’s spread scheme (75 percent wide, 25 percent slot over his career). His production improved each season, including an All-America 2023 campaign with an FBS-best 1,640 receiving yards and an elite first down/touchdown rate (80.4 percent). Odunze is field fast with fluid route running and above-average tracking/adjustment skills to secure catches in high-trafficked areas or create explosive plays downfield (32 catches of 20-plus yards in 2023, second most in the FBS). His body control at the catch point has always been a strength, but he took major strides in 2023 with his ability to play through contact and use focused concentration to win 50 -50 balls.
Overall, Odunze is an above average height/weight/speed athlete with the pass-catching instincts and competitive focus to be a playmaking NFL receiver. He projects as a true X receiver and has the skill level to elevate his quarterback’s play (stylistically similar to Drake London).

Rd 3 – 75 Overall: Kiran Amegadjie, OT – Nerd

RAS – N/A
Highlights – 1, 2
Dane’s Grade: 3rd Round (87 Overall)
Rank of 2024 OTs: 12
Consensus Big Board Ranking: 78
Daniel Jeremiah: Outside of his top 150
A&N CB: 72
2023 Season
Notes: Third Team All-American; First Team All-Ivy; Missed final six games (left quad)

STRENGTHS: Outstanding size with elite length and a body/strength profile that can be molded … clean, efficient movements at the snap, with basketball feet and accurate landmark depth … able to naturally sink his hips and play with bend … keeps his hands/reach in front of him to maintain distance with pass rushers … locks on in the run game and drives his feet … runs the chute well from a three-point stance … effective second-level blocker to locate, fit and finish … intelligent, tough and driven (OL coach Stefon Wheeler: “Just because you’re at Yale doesn’t mean you have the same acumen for football, but Kiran is absolutely sharp. And he wants to be great.”) … sought out and trained with NFL offensive-line legend Willie Anderson during the 2023 offseason … started double-digit games at both tackle (14) and guard (10) over his three seasons in college.
WEAKNESSES: Technical approach has improved but remains a work in progress … still learning how/when to adjust his set points based on the type of rusher he is facing … needs to keep his guard up versus slow-developing rush moves that lull him into settling his feet … not a polished blocker in terms of angles … plays physical in the run game but needs to be meaner and impose his will … suffered a partially torn left quad during practice (October 2023) and required season-ending surgery, which also sidelined him for most of the pre-draft process … inexperienced— played only two seasons of high school football and three seasons of college football (and all of his college reps came versus FCS competition).
SUMMARY: A three-year starter at Yale, Amegadjie lined up at left tackle the last two seasons in Yale’s multiple run scheme. After not playing football until midway through high school, he put himself on the NFL radar with his ascending play in the Ivy League, although his season-ending injury in 2023 was disappointing — he missed half of his final season and NFL scouts were unable to see him face better competition at the Senior Bowl. From a size and athletic standpoint, Amegadjie pops on film, because of his rare length, light feet and smooth body control to mirror pass rushers or create momentum as a run blocker. Though he does a great job repositioning his hands and feet, his inexperience is also apparent when it comes to timing and adjustment fundamentals.
Overall, Amegadjie is a raw prospect who needs technical and strength work before he sees live NFL reps, but his physical ingredients and competitive drive are the foundational elements that pro coaches want to develop. He projects as a backup left tackle as a rookie who has all the tools to gradually develop into an NFL starter.

Rd 4 – 122 Overall: Tory Taylor, P - Iowa

RAS – N/A
Highlights
Dane’s Grade: 4th Round
Rank of 2024 Ps: 1
Consensus Big Board Ranking: 154
Daniel Jeremiah: Outside of his top 150
A&N CB: Outside of their top 100
2023 Season

GP/GS	Punts	YDS	AVG
14/14	93 (1st in CFB)	4479 (1st in CFB)	48.2 (4th highest average in CFB)

Notes: Best Pick Of The Draft. He's fucking built too. Thick and man made. You can tell he's sculpted because you can see it thru the pads. His fucking vice grip thighs. Suffocating thighs. Rock hard thighs. Piping hot thighs. Great arms. Great abs. A stocky chest.
Career Highlights & Awards

Rd 5 – 144 Overall: Austin Booker, Edge – Kansas

RAS - 6.88
Highlights
Dane’s Grade: 3rd round (78 Overall)
Rank of 2024 EDGE: 9
Consensus Big Board Ranking: 75
Daniel Jeremiah: 108
A&N CB: 73
2023 Season

GP/GS	TKLS	TFL	SACK	FF	PD	INT
12/1	56	12	8	2	1	0

Notes: Kansas; First Team All-Big 12; Led team in FFs, sacks and TFL; Big 12 Newcomer of the Year

STRENGTHS: Long-limbed, rangy athlete with room to pack on more muscle … uses elongated strides to quickly cover ground as a pass rusher or out in space on perimeter plays … sprints downhill to threaten the corner but can also work back inside with spins or lateral slides … can plant and dip the corner to flatten to the quarterback … plays with force in his hands, including a stutter-bull and long-arm stab to put blockers on their heels … effective club-swim move and started to introduce better deception with his counters, including jabs, hesitation and ghost moves … takes contain responsibilities seriously … bends knees and naturally unwinds from blocks to find his way to the football … works hard to not lose sight of the football … length gives him a large tackling radius, helping him make shoestring stops … has pursuit speed to track down ball carriers away from the line of scrimmage … strong production in his final college season.
WEAKNESSES: Reminders of his inexperience appear all over his tape … doesn’t have ideal body mass (especially in his lower half) on his high-cut, lanky frame and needs to continue developing his play strength … upfield gate shows hints of straight-line stiffness … struggles to unleash his length versus blockers who close space quickly and don’t give him a runway … needs to dial back the wasted movements mid-rush and be more efficient … pops upright in his spin moves … undisciplined tackler once he reaches the backfield and needs to cut down on the misses (also had several roughing the passer and targeting flags on his tape) … can be uprooted by double teams and needs to better drop his anchor versus downhill attacks … inexperienced dropping into space … only one season of production and consistent on-field reps.
SUMMARY: A sub package player at Kansas, Booker lined up wide of the offensive tackle (two- and three point stances) in defensive coordinator Brian Borland’s versatile front. After he saw only 23 defensive snaps in his two seasons at Minnesota, Booker transferred to Lawrence for the 2023 season and led the team in sacks, tackles for loss and forced fumbles, despite coming off the bench (averaged 40.2 snaps per game). Although he is still figuring out how and when to access his bag of tricks, Booker instinctively uses his rangy frame to create various leverage points and surprise blockers with his forceful hands. He is lean in his lower half, but he plays well versus the run to stack, stay balanced through contact and track the football.
Overall, Booker is lacking in body mass and overall experience (just 505 career college snaps), but he is an ascending player with the ability to maximize his athletic traits and body length/force with proper biomechanics. With his tools and instincts, he projects as a rotational player in Year 1 with the potential to become an impact starter.

UDFAs

TBD

Any advice/input at all would mean the world to me, because I am desperate at this point for a solution to my predicament. Let me put it out there that I've(M19) never been a very social person. I had a normal enough childhood, but I've always been a bit socially inept, and as I got into my middle school years I started isolating myself from my peers, being too anxious and insecure to hang out people. I always got by with friends here and there, but I wasn't close to a lot of people and only spent time with them at school.
Going into high school, I was the same way. I actually did manage to hang out with groups of people every now and then. I had a lot more friends, and made my happiest memories being on the speech team and going to football and basketball games. These were big steps for me, but I still spent most of my free time alone. I had my short-lived days of glory, but once they were over I fell into a depression, and this has since persisted. Back then, I'm pretty sure it was just genetic factors. Depression runs in both sides of my family, and everyone save my younger sister has gone through it on multiple occasions. There were a lot of things I wasn't happy with, like never finding a girlfriend, my sister and nephews moving away, saying goodbye to all my older friends I'd made that were graduating, but overall I sort of just relaxed and fell apart, there was no main one or two reasons I was suddenly so sad.
I finally broke the silence on my condition during my Senior Year, and I got the help I needed, turning to medication and therapy. I've been off my medication since August and haven't gone to therapy since the week after graduation, but going into my first year of college wasn't as gloomy as I thought it would be. The change in environment was scary at first, but it brought a new beginning I thought I could use at the time, but it's only gotten worse since then, worse than it's ever been. I've made no friends throughout this year. I commute an hour to get to my campus and back, and I only see any given group of people maybe twice a week, so I've found it near impossible to connect with anyone. On top of that, I quickly grew distant from everyone I knew from high school.
Everyone's either working all the time, in another state at University, or still at high school spending time with my former classmates still there with them. For a while I used my job to keep myself feeling productive and engaged with other humans, and I got more hours from my boss back in November, and throughout the holidays it was working because I always had plenty to do, but ever since the new year started my work has been incredibly slow, and I feel just as miserable being there. All of my coworkers are years older than me, I rarely every get to talk to someone my own age, and I'm usually doing nothing but pulling cans forward on shelves to just barely keep myself occupied.
While in the past I was depressed for not a whole lot of reason other than my brain not making its happy chemicals, now my depression is even worse because I feel incredibly lonely. It's gotten to the point where whatever anxiety I've ever had about being out of the house and hanging out with people has completely melted away. I can no longer be in my home alone for any longer than two or so hours without wanting to cry(and 90% of the time, I do end up crying). The solitude is driving me insane, it's just constant negative thoughts after negative thoughts and I can't turn it off unless I'm out doing something else.
I just find it so hopeless that I spend so much of my life being so afraid to spend time with people, but now that I can't take being alone, now that I've finally decided I've had enough, it feels too late. My peers and I, we're no longer in high school. We can no longer make plans on the fly whenever we want, we all have commitments that constantly get in the way, and the only people who seem like they're actually having a good time are miles and miles away, I can never be there to share their happiness. Everyone is gone, and I don't know what to do with myself at this point. I did manage a few different times to bite the bullet and ask people to hang out, and it definitely was good for me getting out and being with other people, but it hasn't been enough, because within the next 2-3 hours I'm right back home, by myself, and the negative thoughts just surge all over again. I'm suffering more than I ever have and just want to break free from my loneliness, but it feels like it's far too late to implement any sort of change. I don't know what to do...

I(M19) could only do one flair for the post, so I'll just say that please, any reassurance/guidance would mean the world to me, because I am desperate at this point for a solution to my predicament. Let me put it out there that I've never been a very social person. I had a normal enough childhood, but I've always been a bit socially inept, and as I got into my middle school years I started isolating myself from my peers, being too anxious and insecure to hang out people. I always got by with friends here and there, but I wasn't close to a lot of people and only spent time with them at school.
Going into high school, I was the same way. I actually did manage to hang out with groups of people every now and then. I had a lot more friends, and made my happiest memories being on the speech team and going to football and basketball games. These were big steps for me, but I still spent most of my free time alone. I had my short-lived days of glory, but once they were over I fell into a depression, and this has since persisted. Back then, I'm pretty sure it was just genetic factors. Depression runs in both sides of my family, and everyone save my younger sister has gone through it on multiple occasions. There were a lot of things I wasn't happy with, like never finding a girlfriend, my sister and nephews moving away, saying goodbye to all my older friends I'd made that were graduating, but overall I sort of just relaxed and fell apart, there was no main one or two reasons I was suddenly so sad.
I finally broke the silence on my condition during my Senior Year, and I got the help I needed, turning to medication and therapy. I've been off my medication since August and haven't gone to therapy since the week after graduation, but going into my first year of college wasn't as gloomy as I thought it would be. The change in environment was scary at first, but it brought a new beginning I thought I could use at the time, but it's only gotten worse since then, worse than it's ever been. I've made no friends throughout this year. I commute an hour to get to my campus and back, and I only see any given group of people maybe twice a week, so I've found it near impossible to connect with anyone. On top of that, I quickly grew distant from everyone I knew from high school.
Everyone's either working all the time, in another state at University, or still at high school spending time with my former classmates still there with them. For a while I used my job to keep myself feeling productive and engaged with other humans, and I got more hours from my boss back in November, and throughout the holidays it was working because I always had plenty to do, but ever since the new year started my work has been incredibly slow, and I feel just as miserable being there. All of my coworkers are years older than me, I rarely every get to talk to someone my own age, and I'm usually doing nothing but pulling cans forward on shelves to just barely keep myself occupied.
While in the past I was depressed for not a whole lot of reason other than my brain not making its happy chemicals, now my depression is even worse because I feel incredibly lonely. It's gotten to the point where whatever anxiety I've ever had about being out of the house and hanging out with people has completely melted away. I can no longer be in my home alone for any longer than two or so hours without wanting to cry(and 90% of the time, I do end up crying). The solitude is driving me insane, it's just constant negative thoughts after negative thoughts and I can't turn it off unless I'm out doing something else.
I just find it so hopeless that I spend so much of my life being so afraid to spend time with people, but now that I can't take being alone, now that I've finally decided I've had enough, it feels too late. My peers and I, we're no longer in high school. We can no longer make plans on the fly whenever we want, we all have commitments that constantly get in the way, and the only people who seem like they're actually having a good time are miles and miles away, I can never be there to share their happiness. Everyone is gone, and I don't know what to do with myself at this point. I did manage a few different times to bite the bullet and ask people to hang out, and it definitely was good for me getting out and being with other people, but it hasn't been enough, because within the next 2-3 hours I'm right back home, by myself, and the negative thoughts just surge all over again. I'm suffering more than I ever have and just want to break free from my loneliness, but it feels like it's far too late to implement any sort of change. I don't know what to do...

TW: Drug references
This was written on my laptop, but copied and pasted to Reddit from a café computer right before I left the motel I was staying in and sped off forty or fifty miles. I'm kind of just hopping around a bit and trying like hell not to be out in public too much. I don't know where to go at the moment or where to stay.
This isn't gonna be a happy kind of "aww she really cares so much" kind of story, even though my heart still wants to feel that way. I don't want to look at my girlfriend with anything less than love and understanding, but she's taken it too far. I've run out of options without making myself look certifiably insane. So I'll just say what I can here, but every time I try to access this, I'll have to be on the move and constantly changing direction.
It's a hard thing to believe until you've experienced it, but when things change to an extreme----for the better or the worse----you feel like an eternity has been shoved into just a few weeks, or days, however long it took. Less than a week ago I was feeling like the world wasn't just normal, but all right. Everything was all right.
Sarabeth was my world. I'm still hers. That's what terrifies me the most.
She and I met when we were in high school. She wasn't quite goth or anything, but she had naturally long, straight pitch black hair, liked wearing a thick black jacket and always had on black jeans, black socks, and black shoes. One of those "she'd be a great burglar" type looks, you know?
Her skin is kind of pale, not horribly so, even though she enjoys her sunshine and gets plenty of iron in her diet.
Overall, it gives her a wonderful, angelic kind of look. And there's just one more thing that goes with that. Her eyes.
I'm not the type to gush about people's eyes, even Sarabeth's, but there's something about them that's so different that I have to make it known. She has some kind of...should I say, talent for the way she looks at people.
Do you know that prickly feeling you get (not everyone gets this) when you're being watched, even if you aren't looking at the person and don't know they're there yet? Like some kind of sixth sense. A creepy feeling.
Sarabeth's eyes are the opposite. She can deliberately channel this somehow, choose whether to do it or not, but...to be looked at by Sarabeth, even if I don't know she's there until I turn and look...it's like heaven.
I get this warm, soothing feeling, like I'm in some kind of dream. I feel this gentle compression around my middle, like she's there, light as a feather, hugging me.
It's just her looking at me. Every time she looks at me and deliberately switches that "thing" on, whatever it is, I get that feeling. She's used this to tell me she's there sometimes when I didn't know she would be, like this one time she brought me lunch to work. She sometimes drives for that food delivery service Swiftly, and once when she took an order for a meal from a restaurant that served buffet-style food----which she knows is my favorite----she made a second order of her own and brought it to me after she completed the delivery.
I was detailing a car in the outdoor shed bay like usual (this is kind of grueling during the summer months, but at least we've got a giant fan), and I was turned away from the vertical door, cleaning bugs off the front of a van. Suddenly I got this feeling like the temperature had cooled to a perfect seventy degrees, like there were soft, feminine hands on my shoulder, and faintly I could hear and feel breathing in both of my ears, like there were two women standing on either side of me. Two Sarabeths. It was her voice.
Yet I turned around, and there she was, about thirty feet away, walking toward me with a big bag in one hand and that look in her eyes. That look. The look that means she loves me.
I'm almost crying typing this out. No, you can't have my man card on your desk by Friday, go be a piss-ant somewhere else if you want to be that weak about the idea of a man crying. God, the way jealous guys talked about me and the way I'd swoon over her sometimes makes my brain hurt. It's like they don't want anyone to ever take them seriously or think they've got any shot at a real loving relationship, EVER.
Sorry, a bit of the old bitterness coming back. Anyways, I'd always feel great in the end, realizing they weren't really calling me a simp when they used that word----they were just mad that they hadn't found her first. Usually people who say "simp" about you just mean that they hate how respectful you are, or they hate that you have more self control about women, et cetera...
But the reality is, women usually do go for them. It confuses me, but I'm not angry about it. After all, if a woman isn't attracted to me, I can't make her feel that way. Why should a woman be with a man or another woman she doesn't have real feelings for? So many relationships are based on stability, or even a low key kind of fear, if you know what I mean, and it sucks.
I felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Sarabeth and I, a plain guy with short brown hair, occasional acne, and a goofy smile, don't usually mix. She's so different than other women because not only is she beautiful, but she's genuine. She isn't after my tiny savings account. She doesn't get any clout points by being with a guy like me. I have a simple life, a nice auto detailing job, I live in a small ranch-style house with her that we're both paying off a twenty-year mortgage on, and life just felt right. I felt almost like I'd stolen the starring role of someone else's life away from them, and was in the wrong spot.
But Sarabeth always knew I felt that way, and she had infinite patience with me. I didn't constantly ask her whiny questions about how she could possibly fall for a guy like me, I was just sometimes a bit awkward at navigating things. She made me so comfortable and helped me open up.
So how could it be that, just days ago, I was in the prime of my life, twenty-five with the angel I described above in a decent living situation, and now, I'm desperately traveling state to state trying to avoid detection from her?
Sarabeth has a wonderful, creative side. Ever since we met in high school and we took an immediate, simultaneous interest in each other, she showed me. She's a wonderful artist, and she loves to draw sceneries and landscapes. She likes the idea of using a full moon to light up the area, rather than a sun, but just as bright. It's so much more detailed. I mean, the sun's a little orange ball of eyeball death if you look at it, but the moon? There's ridges, craters, swirls, patterns, and shades that you don't get with the usual circle of light that smiles down on us from the blue.
She sees things like that as "souls," in a way, as she's told me. Every landscape is a little piece of heaven, and the moon in the drawings is a gateway between worlds. She even reads these white magic books that I can't understand, all about beautiful magic and souls and angels and things I...can't understand. She finds it inspiring, she told me. She can make colored pencils design a whole new world, while all I can make are sloppy one-dimensional bubble people with basketball heads, baseball hands, and golf ball feet. So to speak. She's an art prodigy. I suck. Hope I've made that clear.
We fell in love so fast. We stayed together for those last two years of high school, went to the same college together, and even though my degree in electronics didn't really pan out and I started looking for simpler work while trying writing on the side, life still worked out for me. Sarabeth doesn't see me as lazy or unmotivated; she just thinks I haven't found my calling yet.
Six years later, in fact just a few days ago, here we were. Our house is small and cozy. She's got this little art exhibit thing set up in the basement where she draws, something I find both amazing and endearing. She sometimes sells her art, but certain pieces she keeps----the ones that have those moons on them. Not every drawing has one of those.
Sarabeth's pet parrot, one she'd bought a few years ago already kind of old, finally kicked the bucket. She named him "Punky the Parrot" after some cartoon character. He liked to fly around our heads in circles and say "brawk. Punky the parrot attacking. Brawk. Run for cover."
See what I mean? That lovely, charming, hilarious kind of thing is just one of the small features that defines our life together.
But we'd woken up one morning together, gone into the living room, and found him lying on the floor of his cage. Both knowing parrots don't sleep that way, we'd understood in an instant. For the last few months, Punky hadn't managed to fly straight onto our shoulders without two or three attempts, and his old, rusty voice would usually just say "Punk." It was kind of sad, knowing the end was coming. When signs like that start to show in anyone, human or animal, you feel like they're already gone in a way, because you know things will never be the same with them again. You'll never have the lively version of them again; just this declining shell that makes you already feel like they're dead.
We buried him together in a little green box, and we taped one of his green feathers she'd gently clipped from a wing onto the wooden marker. She carved the words "brawk. Punky the parrot resting. Brawk. Do not disturb."
It was funny and sad in some kind of way, like she was trying to hang on to him. But she also accepted that he was gone. She didn't shed a single tear, but I knew Sarabeth. She stopped crying over the dead long ago, and just would be quiet and forlorn, thinking about them even though she'd say she was fine. If you really love your woman, you know when "fine" isn't the truth.
Let me be honest. Sarabeth has not had a good life.
She lost her mother in a car accident when she was three. When she was six, both she and her younger sister Lona were out on a boat with their dad in the lake, and he fell overboard trying to see how far from land they were. He broke a leg over the side of the boat, and couldn't swim. He went under while both girls screamed for him and reached for him under the water.
They were both taken in by their next door neighbors. Thank God for parental wills simplifying the details.
And then Lona got cancer at fourteen, and died at sixteen. That was when Sarabeth had just turned eighteen. It was a horrible time. Lona alternated between excitedly talking about graduation and college, and sobbing about not making it to her senior year and throwing things around her room (when she was able to be home, anyway). Back and forth. It was frightening and miserable. I can't understand how Sarabeth held it together, especially during those times she would go into Lona's room and hold her, crying into her shoulder and rubbing her back, whispering through her tears that everything would be okay.
She later told me that it was me, and only me, who helped her through that time, even though I don't feel like I did anything. I don't feel like I was doing enough. I always feel like I should have done more.
As for me? Well, I was mercilessly bullied in middle and high school, until Sarabeth became a part of my life. I still have my mother; my father died of a heart attack two years ago. Sarabeth was there through it all, and though I grieved my old man, it didn't destroy me. I was more thinking, at least it wasn't someone else of hers. But she and my father got along well, and in fact my parents were like a second set for her. I mean, her late parents' friends couldn't be discredited, but she didn't have the same closeness with them.
So, I've lost some, she's lost plenty. She knows what prolonged suffering is, and I never feel like I can do enough to try to help. She's had depression on and off through the years, and the one thing I've learned about depressed people is this: you aren't supposed to try to constantly cheer them up or make them laugh. All they want from you, if you're the one they choose to be around, is for you to understand, be there for them, and accept them as they are.
There have been days Sarabeth didn't speak at all, and at the end of the night she would just come to bed soon after I'd kissed her goodnight and turned in, and just slowly, almost timidly cuddle up to me. Putting my arms around her always reminded her that I understood. She said I even sometimes did it if I was asleep; I could just feel her there, and sometimes even in my dreams I could feel that look of hers, feel her staring at me, lying beside me in the bed, and I would realize she wanted to feel that closeness.
Even during our intimate times, that look would be there, and just make things so much better than they already were. I found myself wishing I could make her feel the way her gaze made me feel, and the occasional others she "looked" at.
But I think Punky was finally where something in her might have snapped. No depressed episode. No days of silence. We made that grave, and then she went back down to the basement, but she asked me to come along.
"Look at it," she said softly, showing me her latest drawing, the one she had just finished. "I knew this was coming, Conny. But it's okay. He's already there."
A lovely beach landscape, just a little bit of a palm tree leaning in from the top left. Blue waves with shadowed layers of height coming up on the shore; a thin white line where they had crashed just a couple seconds ago. Punky flying around above the sand, presumably in circles. Probably saying, "Brawk. Punky's beach. Admission five dollars, subject to change, brawk."
He looked so shiny and bright in that picture, the way he'd looked when she had first brought him home and surprised me. He'd already been kind of old, but still vibrant, and he wasn't one of the loud, annoying parrots you find out about the hard way (huh, cartoons always told me these guys were just funny and cool to have around). In most cases, unless you're blessed with infinite patience, you might want to go with a much smaller bird that doesn't do as good at mimicking sounds.
There was that one detail that stood out from the rest, though. High up in the bright blue sky, there was a greenish-blue moon, about the actual size of a baseball, and it was lined with patterns of cyan lines and an emerald sheen that you'd think would clash, but worked out perfectly.
"You did so good, baby," I told her. I wanted to touch the drawing, but I knew she didn't like it when people did that. Especially when they were fresh; anything could smear the color and ruin the image, even slightly. Colored pencil isn't as invincible as people think it is.
She turned and held me close. She was shivering slightly, and it felt like she wanted to cry, but couldn't let it happen.
"How are you feeling?" I asked, stroking her back.
"We lose everyone eventually," she whispered into my ear. "Everyone. But it doesn't have to be so bad."
I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what. She slowly pulled back and continued, "but I think I'm figuring out how to make this work. I think it'll be okay. If it works with Punky..."
"What do you mean?" I asked, furrowing my brow. She'd never mentioned anything odd like this about losing someone before.
"I'm so close," she whispered, her eyes fervent as she looked into mine. "I think I can finally do it. I think I can keep his soul. I think I finally learned the secret. I finished decoding everything."
I couldn't understand. "You mean...something about the drawing?"
She nodded. "I think the moon is perfect this time. I think I finally got it to work. As long as I don't wait too long..."
She trailed off, looking almost woozy. I held her shoulders. "Babe, what are you saying? What about Punky? What about the beach drawing?"
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, "I...think I'm getting carried away."
I thought for a moment and then said, "Why don't we go out and get breakfast? You can tell me all about it."
She looked at me for a moment, and her eyes almost seemed to glow. She loved it when I did that; when I made it obvious that I wanted to listen even if it was clear I didn't really understand. When I showed I wanted to learn from her, whatever she meant. Of course, usually I did understand what she was talking about. This time was so different.
That glow...that look. The room was suddenly swimming; everything felt so warm and soft. She was staring at me; then she was kissing me.
Then she was holding me, whispering to me, "maybe if I'm doing it right, I won't ever have to lose you either."
It was beautiful and a bit scary, but not in a creepy spooky kind of way. More like a mysterious, almost nice kind of way. Like, it's really hard to associate Sarabeth with anything really scary. Well, it WAS hard to.
We went out to that buffet-style restaurant she knew I loved, and that was when I got a feeling that the outing was more for me than her. She had turned it around somehow, and it felt like she was looking out for me, not the other way around. She was the one caring for me, as though I was the one in pain. I sometimes didn't like that; I felt like she was pushing away her emotions, refusing to admit she needed the TLC she deserved.
But she seemed different that day. She didn't talk much more about the drawing, even though I pressed (not too hard, I've learned to not be too insistent about delicate topics with her). She seemed nervous and excited, but more as an undercurrent rather than out in the open. She took charge of the day, taking me around town to the mall, the flea market, the theater, and then the long way back home as the sun was setting.
It had been a perfect day, but I still felt a bit quizzical. All of a sudden, Sarabeth was treating me like a prince. Was I somehow really being such a good boyfriend without realizing it? I'm only twenty-two; I don't really know all the secrets of being the perfect man yet. Hell, I don't even know when the best time to propose is, although by then I was feeling like it would be soon. Sarabeth never pushed for things like that. She always seemed to feel like our pace was perfect.
That night, she seemed as though a weight had been taken off her shoulders. I didn't get it, but I decided not to bring it up right then. I didn't want to spoil her mood. She seemed as though something wonderful had gone right. After a nice supper of some of our to-go cuisine, she kissed me, asked for a little privacy, and went downstairs. She always asked for that when she was going to draw something.
Still, I couldn't help taking a quiet peek. I did that a lot; she never knew, and it didn't ever break her concentration.
After about a half hour of TV (keeping the volume down, obviously), I opened the basement door carefully and crept down the stairs.
There, in the soft orange glow of an open desk lamp, she was drawing a scene. The moon wasn't there yet, but I knew the environment she was creating. It was a country lane; it was the road I'd grown up on, out in the boonies, with the trees on both sides, the wavy up-and-down road that curved and wound, the sun always setting just perfectly over the middle of the road if you stood in the right spot looking in at it.
She hadn't finished even half of it yet, but I already knew. She was that good. She was making this one for me. I absolutely didn't want her to know I'd spied it. I started to turn around and go back up, but then I heard the sound of her setting down the pencil she was using. I froze; had she seen me? I didn't want to spoil anything for her.
But her footsteps slowly moved further away. I risked turning around again; she was standing near the back of the basement, staring at another drawing, and this one I recognized too. Punky's beach.
She had picked something up, and was now fiddling with it. A book, I realized. She opened it, flipped through many pages, and then found the one she was looking for. I couldn't tell what was written, of course, that far away; I could only make out what looked like a highly detailed circle in the middle, and what looked like arrows pointing to different parts of it.
She began to sing softly. I tensed up; what the hell? I'd never heard her sing before. I mean, not like this. We sometimes sang in the car, or she'd sing in the shower, but...this was different.
This was like her eyes. This was like when she looked at me.
She could have made a fortune singing like this. It was beyond beauty I'd ever experienced; she was reaching up with her right hand while the left held the book, and she made soft gestures and fluttering motions at the drawing while she sang.
And the words; I couldn't understand them at all. I don't know what language she was speaking, or if it was even a regular language.
"Sova oak droma, ingen mer smarta, karlek oak terar, himlen antlagen."
That's what it sounded like. Something like that. At least a part of it. It was hard to remember most of it, even though she sang so slowly, and repeated a lot of it. There didn't seem to be that many words to the song; just some being repeated many times.
I suddenly realized that this feeling, the wonderful tingling, heavenly feeling the song was giving me, was familiar. The past few weeks, my dreams had been filled with that feeling. Every day, more and more so. Come to think of it, I hadn't had a bad dream in months; they had steadily gotten better and better, and more recently, downright beautiful. Sometimes with Sarabeth in them.
I grabbed the banister, my whole body trembling suddenly. I had to get out there. I was about to lose consciousness right there in the middle of the stairs, and a fall from up there would at least seriously injure me, if not outright kill me. I didn't know why this was happening; like with Sarabeth's gaze I didn't think this was a question that could be answered in detail. As she'd told me, "It's just something I can do." I had a feeling this was the same.
I also had a VERY strong feeling that this was not the place to be right now.
I managed to climb back up the stairs, pulling myself along on the railing, and when I finally reached the top, it took all the strength in my body not to fall against the door and slam it noisily. I barely managed to close it without a sound; I staggered to the couch and took several deep breaths.
I couldn't hear her singing anymore. Either she'd stopped, or the basement door was enough to block it out. It wasn't very loud, after all.
Suddenly, my clarity started to come back in steps. Slowly, I resurfaced from that wonderful floating atmosphere, until I was fully awake and conscious again. Standing and walking was no issue.
I slowly made my way over to Punky's cage, still undisturbed except for the open wire door. I looked down into it, somewhat forlorn, and saw all the little bits of birdseed that had fallen to the bottom over the past week or so, along with the occasional Punky surprise. I'd been just a day or two away from giving the cage a fresh cleaning, but there was no need for that now.
My eyes narrowed as I caught sight of something I hadn't noticed while we were taking him out. At first it looked like just another bit of droppings, but I reached up next to the cage and flipped on the overhead light to get a better look.
It wasn't from Punky. There in the middle of the cage below the wire floor, was a small streak of white powder. It didn't look like anything that usually went in his food, or anything that usually came out the back door. It wasn't grit, either. It was too pale. Besides, he didn't need grit anyways, so we never fed that to him.
I decided not to think too hard about it. I mean, how strange is it to find a little bit of something powdery in our birdcage when it could have just been something inside a seed that had cracked open or whatever, what did I know about little things like this, was I really going to bring up Punky to Sarabeth after such a wonderful day, et cetera. I always had self-doubting thoughts like this. But it wasn't such a big deal. Was I gaslighting myself? Maybe. But nothing bad could come of this, right?
I went to bed a little earlier than usual. As it got late, I heard the quiet sound of our bedroom door opening. Sarabeth was being gentle and careful, thinking I was already asleep. I heard the door click softly shut, heard her pad lightly across the floor, heard the soft clump-clump of her clothes falling off next to the bed.
She climbed in beside me and slowly cuddled up close. I wanted to speak, to ask her how her drawing had gone, but something made me stop.
She felt different than usual. There was some kind of thing around her, not something I could see----my eyes were closed, after all----but something I could feel. Like an aura? Hard to say.
She felt warmer than usual, but not in a way that made me think she might have a fever. I could feel something wafting off of her, something like that love, her happiness, and a hint of the heavenly sensation I'd gotten from hearing her sing.
And then she touched my hair, leaned in close to me, and began to whisper.
"Sova oak droma, ingen mer smarta, karlek oak terar, himlen antlagen."
She wasn't quite singing since it was just a whisper, but she still stretched out some of the syllables, and I started to get that lovely, drowsy feeling. At least, this time, I was in bed. At least this time it was safe.
Again I thought to open my mouth and ask her...something...I was already forgetting. This time, I didn't just hesitate. I couldn't speak at all. I couldn't move. I was slipping away.
Everything turned swirly and heavenly inside me, warm, syrupy, lovely. For a few seconds her whispers turned into real singing, soft singing, and it sounded like it was everywhere, in the sky, in the trees...
Wait, what?
I was standing at the three-way intersection, staring out at the sunset above the trees in the distance, over which it always disappeared. But this time, it wasn't just the sun. It looked bigger, more detailed. Sort of a pale tan color.
"Vad ar din mane..."
Slowly, it seemed to form more and more shape and color. Lines were appearing. Patterns were executing along the surface.
"Visa mig din shal..."
I'm still not positive, but that's the closest I can remember to what I was hearing. And after that, her voice blurred out and faded, and the dream started to feel liquidy and serene.
She was there, in front of me, from out of nowhere. Her beautiful body glowed with the light of the sun-moon behind her. I felt my own clothes beginning to dissolve, too. Her smile was as bright as the light all around her. Her eyes filled with love. She embraced me, and began to make me feel wonderful.
Everything slowly faded as we began to float towards that ball of light in the sky. Then all was darkness, and her whispering filled my ears.
"It'll be over soon, baby. No more loss. No more suffering. Just beautiful heaven. Your soul is mine forever."
Wh...what?

So I am honestly not sure if I have dpdr or dissociation in the traditional sense, but I think that I may have an underlying medical condition that is causing dpdr and dissociation like symptoms. I am hoping that maybe I can get some answers in this post. So I want to preface this by saying I am not an anxious person, have never had an anxiety attack or panic attack, am not depressed it was not before this happened, have never done any drugs, not on any medications, never smoke, never drank.
So I will give a brief history of my symptoms and the progression (bare with me, as I have severe brain fog and cognitive difficulties because of this. So this started for me back when I was 13. I was sick with a cold in PE class. I decided to play basketball a little even though I didn't feel well and spaced out really bad while playing, felt like time was skipping around me, so I sat down and the episode ended. Except their was one thing weird since that day, when I went home, I noticed that my vision was off in a way I could not explain, felt like I was looking at stuff but couldn't exactly focus on it directly. It was so light that it didn't bother me. I also noticed that my vision was kinda hazy and I could see this haze with my eyes closed as well. It wasn't a stagnant haze and actually moved around in the dark if I closed my eyes and focused on it (not visual snow). At this point in time, I also developed, for a brief period of time, painless ocular migraines (the kind that form in your peripheral vision and engulf your entire vision then fade away), this only lasted while I was 13 and I never got one again outside of a individual incident at 25 in a dorm under bright lights. oddly, it always felt like my vision was slightly clearer after the aura finished, like the haze was lighter.
So this haze, which was is not like visual snow, came with no additional symptoms. Until I turned 19. The hazy vision got worse after I was going something under poor lighting with a lot of concentration, this also came with very light brain fog that never went away. This got worse at 25,not the brain fog, but a new symptom. So I was at the movies one night, I didn't want to put my head on the head rest, so instead I sat with forward head posture throughout the the film. Next day I woke up, I looked at my phone and the back of my head started hurting (first time this ever happened). I then cut my game on and noticed that the pain at the back of my head got worse and would go away when I stopped looking when I stopped looking at the screen. I also noticed that my vision was blurier up close (this change happened literally overnight). So I think that maybe I somehow strained my eyes and I just need to use eye drops from now on. Over the years, I noticed my vision getting hazier. I assumed my eyes were just getting bad and needed s stronger prescription. So I go to eye doc end of 2021, get a full exam done, and am told my vision is 2020 outside of some mild astigmatism and very mild myopia, which I've been had, and that I don't need to wear glasses, which I'm confused by. So fast forward to February of this year, which is when everything got much worse I was playing a game late one day, a endless game mode, kinda intense game. So I play for a few hours with few very short breaks. I was playing with someone else so even though I was tired I just kept going until we eventually died. So afterwards, I put in some preservative free eye drops (I usually don't like to use them because they tend to make my eyes drier somehow, but I figure my eyes would need them since it was a more intense session), I usually play games for long hours but not intense like that (bad posture leaning forward etc). So I go to sleep and the next day I wake up, my eyes were really heavy, so I'm just thinking, did a little too much last night, let me take some days off gaming. Next few days, eyes still very heavy and started to feel off (like what happened at 19 but worse (take note, the brain fog and off feeling I got at 19 never went away, but never got worse either). So because I was feeling off, I started thinking maybe I'm getting sick (I never get sick, hadn't been since I was a kid). Over the days I started notices that the back head pressure that I usually got whenever I was gaming but got used to, was much more prominent and was there all the time even though I took like a couple of weeks off gaming. Not only that, but I was feeling more and more off progressively (like what started at 19 was getting worse all of a sudden at age 30. By off I mean everything was becoming weird, things sounded different, my vision was hazier, things smelled different, tasted different, like all of my senses were altered in a way where everything was becoming more and more unfamiliar by the day, alongside the decreased mental clarity and memory. And my vision changed again, i noticed that I was suddenly sensitive to really bright lights, like street lights, headlights etc, all seemed brighter or seemed to hurt my eyes when they've never done that before.
All of these things have gotten progressively worse. And I've been stumped trying to figure out what's going on, or more so, what has been happening all the time. My brain fog and mental clarity, as well as everything becoming more and more foreign to me as the days go by, as well as my worsening vision, makes me think I have something more sinister. Especially considering how long this has been technically progressing at a much slower rate before that situation which made things much worse. I have basically been looking everywhere for answers, trying to get tests done, because it genuinely feels as though I have some kind of disease. The back head pressure definitely gets worse if I game, but it never goes away. I've never really had migraines or headaches before.
Few random things, I suddenly developed POTS like symptoms in late 2019, woke up one day, ate some very light food, heart started racing and since then every time I stood up, my heart would beat fast. I also sometimes see pressure phosphenes just from standing up. I had a vitamin d hydroxy test yesterday, my results were very low at 15, I have always had exercise intolerance. I am also a minority, which means that we don't absorb vitamin d well from the sun, so I will begin supplementing vitamin d soon, probably have been deficient my entire life. I am vegetarian, my b12 is through the roof at over 2000 but that's because I supplement, will stop though since it's so high, cholesterol a little high. Outside of those things my blood tests, metabolic and CBC are normal, urine normal. Head CT scan normal, cervical and thoracic X-rays normal (but my neck is straight and I am slightly scoliosis). I am hoping that maybe someone here can help me get some answers or steps, I am trying to be seen by a neurologist but it's kinda difficult in Louisiana. My insurance is Medicaid. My PCP agreed that I need to see a neurologist. I am awaiting Lyme disease results (just a precaution)I have not had any other comprehensive tests such as brain MRI, pet scans or EEG, which I want to get done. It seems as though I may have an underlying undiagnosed health condition that could be contributing to my symptoms and that have slowly gotten worse over the years. I am aware that most people who are on the subreddit have dpdr and dissociative symptoms due to trauma, depression, anxiety, weed, psychedelics, bad childhood etc. but I was wondering how many of you have dpdr and dissociative like symptoms alongside horrible progressive brain fog, anhedonia, and found that you actually had an underlying health condition.

Hello everyone (Long post alert)
It's been a few years (real ones, not BBGM ones) since I have played Basketball GM and recently I've decided to check how things are going within the game in 2024. Back then, my Max was to win on Hard Mode with Cavaliers/Blazers type of teams, only Big Markets allowed me some consistent success on Insane Mode though.
Now, after reading some cheat code advice here (thanks to all the posters who did 10 commandments or their detailed guides) and trying some things first on Normal/Hard mode for a couple of seasons, I've decided to tackle Insane Mode one more time...and failed again long term with Hornets, Jazz and Thunder. I've used old 2019 rosters to have more familiarity, plus a lot of teams (Hornets included) had a terrible Payroll with some awful contracts to deal with.
All of this despite playing a slow and careful type of Career, just room for error on Insane Mode is ridiculously small and when things go wrong... they tend to go really, really wrong (at least for me).
https://preview.redd.it/5cxtfmtwurwc1.jpg?width=1375&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af3500e913650438918c1e31dcde84b2e32db66d
I shouldn't use the word "advice" since I didn't find consistent success, but here are a couple of my observations after the journey:

• Unless you have repeated success which allows you to re-sign anyone decent, Trades are your only hope to build a half-decent team. Usually, I've tried to keep my best/ players until the Trade Deadline of their Contract Year.
• With Hornets, I was trying to build through a draft... but if you are not able to re-sign anyone decent (as you destroy all their Mood via constant Trading), what's the point? Especially when players on Rookie Deals are rarely playable in the first two years (especially when picking 19 years old). With Thunder, I was still accumulating all the Draft Picks I could get, but I was using them for more Trades and IMO it was the better strategy.
• One of the things which helped me collect extra assets was to acquire some 19-20 old players with terrible stats (like 25/50) via Trading Block for free during the off-season (when the roster is not limited to 17 players)...some of them could have a big jump during Preseason. If they regressed, it was still easy to package them and trade them away for free along with one player with 50-55 POT. Sometimes I've tried it too with Free Agents - you can give a 5-year deal there as a bonus, but the downside is you can't Trade Away them for some time, which can clog your roster.
• I learnt to dislike 2nd rounders having only 2-year deals, so I've learnt to package them and even on Insane Mode it was surprisingly easy to trade for a 1st round pick, the highest one I've got was 14th (for two 2nd rounders), I guess Contending Teams really "dislike" Draft.
• Playing Insane Mode with a Small Market Team, the room for error is ridiculously small, and any mistakes hurt big time, like accidentally giving away too many draft picks oand the wrong player during trade negotiations. I still wouldn't be able to re-sign him (and even if I technically could, I would not pay him 25m+, as I was operating on 75M budget which I've increased to 90M after Trade Deadline) but it still hurt me to mistakenly trading him away when Raptors (as NBA champions) were able to give away their 4th Draft Pick for a discount. Other giant Centers weren't as promising as him (a picture was taken when he actually regressed a couple of points making his contract look even more silly).

https://preview.redd.it/uikgazrkyrwc1.jpg?width=1218&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f1627f44cb784eafd9efb917c279ac45a6d1ba1a
https://preview.redd.it/u5w581skyrwc1.jpg?width=1702&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ab371365b1a1124e4f9a333882607a88b2a1bb4a
I don't remember what was the reason I failed with Hornets (after a short phase of making PO with them), I've got a terrible hand to deal with when taking over Jazz (the majority of players expired when I took over and had barely any assets to trade), but stint with Thunder was looking promising for a moment, After two Conference Semifinals trips (45-37 and 55-27), it all went downhill during the 2033 season.
https://preview.redd.it/fi6bbg6p4swc1.jpg?width=1698&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b418f4987f8925bca8198d491f8d040646ebcfc5
I've had a strong finish to 2032 after re-building team during the season and getting Bender and Knowles during the Trade Deadline. I knew I won't be able to keep them but next season still was looking promising.
https://preview.redd.it/vrk233mv0swc1.jpg?width=1713&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f7f38c237bedc492d17d76d17978655d591a7f48
This roster was playing very well together, having an excellent synergy and Advanced Stats/Shot Charts, so no surprise I was around 35-15 during the Trade Deadline (hype was finally 1.0 as well). However, Thompson was expiring so I had to make a Trade and to make things worse, a few days before Pittman torn his ACL, I packaged them both and hoped to re-group.
https://preview.redd.it/j1w9jgnj1swc1.jpg?width=1493&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dbeaeb46d667f02f03a925bb1da5bbd1775be0d5
It didn't work that way, all the magic was gone and after a poor finish to the season, I was easily defeated in the 1st round. Then all things went downhill - my biggest issue was the sudden underperforming of my PG, first, it was Washington (in the next season), then it was a solid PG named Jordan Hill and in the end, even excellent Travis Hall wasn't able to save me and lost to my sudden PG curse.
https://preview.redd.it/mc7392pd3swc1.jpg?width=1252&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4583667affb6c2bef846e2571a31ccc96ba907fe
https://preview.redd.it/32r1mhqg3swc1.jpg?width=1702&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0145fae7b4f97b65bfa4391dc56ef266a295bb87
I will try now to salvage my career playing with Philadelphia 76ers, who were looking for a new GM after 12 years without making Play-Offs. Hopefully, a normal-sized market will provide me with some extra tools for consistent success.
Btw, through the years Eastern Conference has proved to be much more challenging comparing to the West, sometimes a difference was as big as 46-36 vs 36-46 for the 8th spot, East also leads 14-4 in Titles won. This was one of the reasons I was hoping for a better luck with Jazz and OKC... but oh well.
https://preview.redd.it/4dof9kdd6swc1.jpg?width=1218&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=06bab8b2a60e737474748dd535df6575bb546c27
To wrap up things, here is a screen of the player who dominated the NBA during my Triple Failure years, he was 87/88 during his Peak.
https://preview.redd.it/5ocr6r1s6swc1.jpg?width=1196&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4f883005fe02ca77cd6b496d9d2083ee204d327f
So, this is the end of my Small Market journey, thanks to anyone who read it. Maybe you would have some advice/questions, so I would be able to try this crazy challenge one more time. Now, let me get my things and it's time for Philly journey...

From Dane Brugler at the Athletic (imo, if someone was advocating for BPA and doesn’t like this pick, then you’re full of it):
BACKGROUND: Brock Bowers, the youngest of two children, grew up in Napa and played multiple sports throughout childhood, including baseba ll, basketball, golf, soccer and tennis (also an avid duck and deer hunter.) He was a standout baseball player in Little League, bu t his focus shifted to basketball and football in middle school. Bowers played just two years of football before high school and joined the 7 -on-7 team KT Prep in eighth grade. He enrolled at Napa High School and was a 5 - foot-11 option quarterback for the junior varsity team as a freshman. Bowers moved up to varsity as a sophomore and emerged as a do -everything weapon, playing wide receiver, tight end, running back, defensive end, linebacker and returning kicks. Napa went winless (0 -10) his sophomore year (2018), but Bowers posted 42 catches for 620 yards and seven touchdowns. As a junior, he earned first team All -Metro, was named County Player of the Year and took home league MVP honors. Bowers finished the 2019 season with 39 catches for 1,098 yards (28.2 average) and 14 touchdowns, adding 316 rushing yards, three rushing touchdowns, 29 tackles and an 85-yard kickoff return for a touchdown. His 2020 season was cancelled because of the pandemic. Bowers also lettered as a power forward in basketball.
A four-star recruit, Bowers was the No. 3 tight end in the 2021 recruiting class and the No. 10 recruit in California. After his fir st season on varsity, he received his first scholarship offer (Nevada), but his recruitment exploded after he attended the 2019 Nike Sparq camp and created a buzz with his 4.5-second 40-yard dash. Bowers’ list of offers grew from one to 20-plus, including major West Coast programs like Oregon, UCLA, USC and Washington. He also considered offers from Michigan, Notre Dame (which offered him as a linebacker) and Penn State. It was Georgia and tight ends coach Todd Hartley who recruited him the hardest, though. Bowers wanted the same small-town feel he had experienced growing up plus a big stage on which to compete, making Athens a natural spot for him. He enrolled early in January 2021 and was the No. 8 recruit in the Bulldogs’ 2021 recruiting class. His parents met at Utah State, where they were both student-athletes.
His father (Warren), who is now a partner of a Napa construction company, was an All -Conference center on the offensive line. Brock’s mother (DeAnna), a part-time math teacher and softball coach, was an All-American pitcher and first baseman on the softball team(1990-and was inducted into the Utah State Hall of Fame in 2016. Brock’s older sister (Brianna) played softball at Sacramento State (2019-21). Bowers, who also earned Academic All-America honors, opted out ofthe 2023 bowl game and elected to skip his senior season to enter the 2024 NFL Draft.
STRENGTHS: Special athlete for his size ... opens his stride and reaches top speed in a blink ... sets up routes with stems, head nods and sharp footwork, which allows him to accelerate in and out of his breaks ... above-average ball skills, catching the ball well outside his frame (4.4 percent career drop rate) ... coordinated body control helps him cleanly adjust or high point to the ball mid -air...dangerous after the catch, because of his speed and competitive chopsto keep hisfeet through contact (averaged 8.5 YAC per reception in college) ... diverse route runner and can be flexed across the formation ... defenses gravitate towards him, creating decoy situations to open windows for other targets ... has the speed to execute jet sweeps (183 rushing yards and five rushing touchdowns in his career) ... physical positional blocker to reach, seal and keep his man occupied ... can be a lead blocker and clear the way ... rare maturity and smarts for a 21 year old (sniffs out and communicates blitzes pre-snap) ... NFL scouts rave about his competitive mentality and the way he despises losing and rises in big moments ... warrior toughness, and his teammates called him “Superman” after he missed only two games following a tightrope ankle procedure — normally a four-to-six-week injury (Kirby Smart: “Agents called him and told him to sit out the season after the injury. Those people will not be representing him, I promise you that, because all it did was piss him off.”) ... made his mark in the Georgia record books, finishing No. 2 in career touchdown grabs (26), No. 3 in catches (175) and No. 4 in receiving yards (2,538).
WEAKNESSES: Doesn’t have desired tight-end size for inline work ... offers some growth potential but will likely be under 245 pounds for his NFL career ... doesn’t have ideal length or overwhelming power to easily uncoil versus NFL defensive ends as an attached blocker ... rangy move blocker but can do a better job breaking down in space ... fumbled twice in 2023 ... missed three games as a junior because of a left ankle injury (October 2023), which required tightrope surgery (still traveled with the team and was involved in the gameplan).
SUMMARY: A three-year starter at Georgia, Bowers was the featured weapon in offensive coordinator Mike Bobo’s scheme, lining up across the formation, with his career snaps spread between the slot (52.2 percent), inline (36.6 percent) and wide (9.5 percent). He led the team in receiving each of his three seasons in Athens and joined Herschel Walker and David Pollack as the only three -time first team All-Americans in school history. He also became the first two-time winner of the John Mackey Award as the nation’s top tight end. With both short-area burst and long speed, Bowers makes quick, dynamic cuts to create spacing as a route runner and hits another gear with the ball in his hands to be a home -run threat. He is a natural hands-catcher outside his frame and snatches without breaking stride. His physicality (before the catch, after the catch and as a blocker) is almost as impressive as his athletic traits, although his lack of ideal size and length will show in some inline blocking situations. Overall, Bowers is explosive pass catcher who creates mismatches all over the field with speed, ball skills and competitive edge. He has NFL star potential in the mold of George Kittle, if he lands with a play caller prepared to feature his unique and versatile talent.
GRADE: 1st Round (No. 7 overall)

I teach elementary and have a fourth-grade student I've gotten along with well ever since I covered for the previous teacher with my role last spring. When we first talked, and I mentioned I was from NY, she gave me a whole opinionated speech on American pastors. I was impressed. She's part of the reason why I took a full-time role at this school.
I suspect she developed attachment to or a crush on me over time and had to skip my class for a month or two because she had to be pulled out for getting too worked up. When I asked where she'd been, she wouldn't say.
She recently told me some of the students look up to me as a father figure. When I asked who, she wouldn't tell me. She thought about it, then said some of the students don't have dads, and they look up to male teachers as father figures. I don't know if her dad's in the picture and didn't want to pry, but now I wonder if she might have been speaking about herself.
A few months ago, she held my arm and started stroking it. The younger kids do this on occasion, but I wondered if I had something on my arm since I was talking to her in the hallway, and she said she just wanted to. My role has a strict no-contact policy, but sometimes kids make contact of their own volition. All fine and dandy until a few days ago.
The previous teacher in their homeroom had left a large bag of candy on a table. One of the other students told me they were meant to take two each. I let them (after letting the student know if they weren't meant to, I'd say she told me they were meant to) and they all piled in to get some.
The girl I'm concerned about came around to my side of the desk, and I felt something brush against my legs, so I reflexively raised my hands. I felt her butt and thighs brush through my hands (I pulled back immediately), and she perched herself on my knee. I didn't know if it was accidental, so I tried to back off, and she moved back to make contact again. I didn't think too much of it in the moment since I was dealing with the herd around the candy, but it's definitely against the rules.
Later, during the class, I walked to the back to see what a male student was playing with under the table (the drawstring on his basketball shorts). I said I thought he was playing with something, and the girl said, "you have a dirty mind." My jaw dropped. I told her I thought he was playing with a piece of paper. Not THAT.
I usually have a female co-teacher for my lesson with that particular class (they are especially unruly), but she was out sick and I had a male teaching assistant in the room to help out with a kid with severe ADHD hyperactivity issues. I feel like this student took advantage of the situation and the crowd around the candy to do something she knows she really shouldn't have done. I didn't have time to think about and process it until after the lesson.
I don't want it to be a whole big traumatic deal for her if I report it, but I also have to protect myself. How should I proceed? I've been thinking about talking to her privately and letting her know what she did was inappropriate since I'm a teacher, no matter how fond I am of her, and contact is explicitly prohibited. But perhaps it's best I let people know what happened ASAP. If she's got issues related to the absence of her father or whatever, I don't want to exacerbate them, but there's a line, and she definitely crossed it.

I realize how incredibly awful that introduction sounds and thats honestly part of my dilemma. Before I get into it I want to say that my boyfriend is a great guy. He truly loves and cares about me and makes sure that I know it. Heres the problem…
He dresses very poorly. His everyday attire consists of old basketball shorts with no underwear and a tshirt which is usually either bleach stained or has holes in it. When we first got together I only ever saw him after work (he does manual labor) and I brushed it off as they were his work clothes. It didn’t take long for me to notice that he actually dresses like this every day. Since he is truly so good to me, I didn’t want this to be the sole reason I step away. I’ve made gentle comments like “do you want to go shopping with me?” Or “I think you would look so good in insert random clothing style”.
I don’t ever want him to feel hurt by it or feel like he has to change but its really starting to embarrass me. For example, on Valentines day I went over to his house before we went out to dinner. I had spent a lot of time getting ready and wore a really cute pink dress I felt beautiful in. When I got there, he was unshowered and wearing sweat pants and a t shirt with a bleach stain and a hole in it. He could tell I was upset and I told him that I felt silly because I seemed really over dressed compared to him. Thankfully he does have 1 pairs of jeans (that I did buy him because he owns nothing but basketball shorts and sweats) and he did pull himself together a little bit.
I’ve started to make my comments a bit more direct about trying to dress better but his response is always the same and along the lines of “why does it matter? This is what I always wear.” Its really starting to get to the point that I am embarrassed when we go out together. He is a very handsome guy but he doesn’t even try to present himself in a better way. Money isn’t an issue so that wouldn’t be a reason he isn’t buying new clothes/shoes. He also only wears one pair of j’s or slides, sometimes his work boots.
I feel absolutely awful that this bothers me so much but I truly feel like your partner is a representation of you in a way. I’ve told him that as well as nicely as I could but it didn’t seem to click for him. I don’t know what to do about this. We are in our mid 20’s to give more context.
I just believe that the way you present yourself to the world is important. If he has just gotten off work, is doing yard work, or we’re just lounging around then I see no problem with his clothes. Its when we go out to social gatherings, go on dates, go to see my family etc. where the holes, stains and no underwear bothers me. I actually have no problem whatsoever with t shirts and basketball shorts… just without stains and holes the size of baseballs?
My dad and brothers are blue collar and thats what I grew up around. Of course they have plenty of dirtied up, ripped clothes for work but they don’t wear them unless they’re at work or chilling at home so I don’t think being “blue collar” would be a valid reason for this.
I have talked to him a few times but it doesn’t get very far. I’ve bought him some new clothes (t shirts, new shorts, a pair of jeans) but he doesn’t wear them much. I’m not going to flat out say dress better or I’m leaving you because THAT would be terrible. I’m a big believer in “treat others the way you want to be treated”. If I were doing something that made him uncomfortable I would want to know and work through it. We truly have a great relationship and bond but all of this constantly feels like theres a huge elephant in the room. I love him, I love who he is as a person, & he is very handsome- I just can’t get down with these outfits every single day. I really just don’t understand it.

December 31, 2022:
We had everything planned to attend the 2023 CFP National Championship Game at SoFi Stadium in LA - myself, Amy (wife) and Bill (dad). We'd secured tickets through UM Athletics, thanks to Bill's season ticket holder status and a little ticket lottery luck. All our accommodations were set. On New Year's Eve morning, with kids in tow, Amy and I drove from Ann Arbor to Chicago so that we could watch the semifinal game with Bill and the rest of my family at my childhood home. Everything seemed to be coming together. It was our time.
Maize and blue runs deep in our family. Amy and I met at UM as college students back in the early 2000s. We got married in AA a few years later and eventually put down roots there to start our family. Bill graduated from the UM B-school back in '70 and has been a football season ticket holder for over 40 years. I was 6 months old when I attended my first game at Michigan Stadium, better known as the Big House. As that story goes, on a hot September Saturday in 1982, a “bundled baby got redder and redder, until he was cooked just right” - a Michigan fan ever since. Fifteen years later, I was a highschool sophomore in '97, the last time Michigan Football won the National Championship. Too preoccupied with teenager life to appreciate it then, this time would be different.
Needless to say, we were all amped for that 2022 semifinal game. Our bags were packed. All The Team had to do was win. And then TCU happened. Pick six. Fumble. Pick six. Season over. Plans ruined. Total let down. I felt completely deflated. Collectively, we had a golden opportunity in our grasp, only to watch JJ and The Team literally throw it away with those interceptions. A week later, still distraught, I didn't even watch the National Championship game.
By the middle of January, wounds still healing, we started thinking about the next season and Team 144. JJ said they'd be back and I wanted to believe him. The third time could be the charm. Team 144 would be hungry, driven to redeem themselves and finish what they started together back in '21. Where is the 2024 CFP National Championship Game? Houston. Ok, that's doable. It's not southern California, but still warmer than Michigan in January. One can hope. Let's keep it in mind as the season gets underway.
August: The Plan
Summer's coming to an end and I'm itching for the start of the next season: Michigan Football season. After following The Team's progress throughout the summer, I'm now confident: this is the year. Amy and I start looking at January house rentals in Houston. We find a great place with something for everyone: outdoor pool, basketball hoop, billiards table, patio, arcade games, plenty of space. I check with Bill, who's 75, has bad knees and hasn't made it to a game at the Big House in a few years. These days he's often giving his tickets away to family or selling them. Just maybe he'll go for the Houston idea, since we were on the verge of going to California just over half a year earlier. Maybe, this time would be different.
Without hesitation, Bill is ALL IN. He's psyched. Sue (mom) and Ryan (brother) are coming too. Amy and I book the place. Book the flights. We tell ourselves that we'll enjoy the holiday break getaway in Houston with family, whether Michigan's playing or not. This would become my mantra throughout the season, an attempt to channel my inner JJ McCarthy, ground and convince myself that win or lose, it will be ok and we will enjoy our time in Texas, maybe.
September: The Domination
The season starts out as expected, even with Harbaugh suspended for the first 3 games, as Michigan pummels lesser opponents en route to easy victories. We half watch the TV, as you might with preseason, exhibition games. It's nice to have on in the background while summer winds down over Labor Day weekend, with the start of school and casual get-togethers to celebrate fall birthdays. All the while, when others engage in small talk about The Team, I try to curb my enthusiasm, not mentioning the Houston plans, for fear of jinxing it, coming off as cocky, crazy, or both. 4-0.
October: The Scandal
The calendar rolls over and The Team starts rolling through the B1G. We watch as The Team “cooks just right” in a Nebraska heatwave, then drops 52 on Minnesota, before returning home to do the same to Indiana. Next up: in-state rivalry week. I can't wait to watch The Team manhandle the Spartans. There's no doubt and there will be no mercy. And then the unthinkable - the “Sign Gate” scandal hits. What is this nonsense? Who the hell is Connor Stalions? How will The Team react? M 49, msu 0. Yes, msu was already deep in their own Sparty brand of turmoil, but it always feels great to beat the hell out of your in-state rival.
Rumors and speculation, and stories about rumors and speculation, continue to swirl like the Wizard of Oz twister. I dress up as Connor Stalions at work on Halloween, complete with “Michigan Manifesto,” headset to nobody, binoculars, iPhone camera and crusty M hat. The Stalions CMU allegations start flying that day too - complete with pictures - sunglasses at night. Welp, his career is over-over and now I just feel bad for him. So, I change up my costume for trick or treating with the kids. I don't need to kick the guy who's already down and now, all the way out. “Vast Network” feels a little more appropriate, all things considered. 8-0.
November: That Gauntlet
The bye week feels like forever as rumors and reports reach a fever pitch. Can we just get back to playing football? I head to the purdon't game with our college buddy, great friend and crazed M fan, Scott. My first in-person game of the season, I'm hoping we win 1 million to zero to quiet some of the media frenzied noise. The Team looks a little rusty after the week off, but takes care of business. Final preseason game: M 41, purdue 13. Ok, that's done. Let's play some meaningful football.
The first true test: penn state. Even before the scandal, everything pointed to this game. First ranked foe of the season. Time for The Team to finally show college football they are That Team. Then, the unthinkable and unprecedented: Harbaugh is served a second suspension, while en route to Happy Valley, less than 24 hours before kickoff. Wow, that's low, B1G.
I'm in complete disbelief. The Team might not even get a chance to prove their true moxy. Nevermind. Interim Head Coach Sherrone Moore's got this and That Team is ready for that stage. Amy and I cheer and scream and coach the TV screen from home on nearly every play. Take that, B1G. Take that, haters. Michigan 24, penn state 15. We too have tears in our eyes afterward as Sherrone and Blake give passionate post-game interviews on the field. Tears of pride, anger, unity, determination. I firmly believe. Texas or bust. We.Are.That.Team.
One more obstacle before The Game: Maryland. On a whim, and with the promise of unseasonably warm November weather, we decide to make a family road trip to see Michigan go for program win 1,000 against the Terps. It's a sunny, warm and windy day in College Park. Their stadium gives me some serious Northwestern vibes. And I've seen Michigan lose at N'Western, multiple times and in devastating fashion. With the boys alongside, we should make it through half-time, at least, hoping for M dominance early and often. Early, yes. Often, no. Maryland puts up a good fight. And we manage to make it through the whole game while That Team and That Defense does enough to get That W: 1,000. Michigan 31, maryland 24. Michigan fans outnumber Maryland in the stands and later on the field. Right after the game, an announcement is made about Maryland fan photo ops on the field. Then, the announcer immediately follows that up by asking Michigan fans to please leave the field. Yes, that’s our cherry on top.
Thanksgiving Week. The Game. The Anticipation. The Hype. Michigan vs. Everybody. This is it. The Game to end all Games. It's all I can think about. I text Scott, Bill and other M fans constantly throughout the week about Game day planning, strategy, and the overwhelming hype, mainly as an outlet for my increasing anxiety and excitement. Scott and his dad (affectionately known as Cap'n Ron), Bill, Sue and Ryan all make the trip to AA for it. Bill attends his first osu game in a decade, a precursor and physical prep for a hopeful National Championship trek. He believes too. And we all know how this one plays out. Zak Zinter goes down. The crowd rises up. Blake Corum scores. Rod Moore intercepts and calls “Game!” From our seats in the northeast corner, it sure looks like a clean pick to me and Amy. And once it's confirmed, The Celebration is on! Michigan 30, osu 24.
The field is flooded with M fans, same as in '21, but this time around, with a feeling of determination instead of relief. After many post-Game cheers at the golf course tailgate, we eventually make it back home to immediately watch the TV broadcast. The confirmation of the Rod Moore interception brings me the most joy in that moment. And in every rewatch since. Tears well up again, this time with Bill too. We are lucky enough to have experienced, in-person, the biggest Game there will likely ever be in the rivalry. Over 40 years since that first game, when I got "cooked." Regular season complete, 12-0. Houston dreams alive and well.
December: That Wait
The B1G Championship is just a matter of how much we're going to win by, right? Yep, Michigan 26, iowa 0. B1G Champs. Three-Peat. Here we come, CFP! Swept up in the excitement of it all, Amy and I decide to add a Pasadena detour to the Houston family trip. We book everything in. Season ticket holder Bill throws his name in the UM Athletics ticket lottery hat for the Rose Bowl. We find out a few days later, he didn't get them. Dammit. Demand was sky high to see M take on 'bama in the Granddaddy of Them All. Dammit. What now? Let's go out there anyway. Scott and Cap'n are going. We can hang out with them and support from the golf course, watch at a local sports bar and enjoy some California sunshine for a few days.
Prior to CA, we find out that we ARE eligible to get CFP National Championship tickets again. Lucky for us, the demand for those tickets isn't as high as the Rose Bowl among M fans. Maybe because it's on a Monday night? After the holiday break? Or the uncertainty of M needing to win the Rose Bowl first? Whatever the case, thank gawd, because prices on the secondary market are already outrageous ($1800+) and likely going to get worse, especially if Texas beats Washington. So, one year later, after all that, we're back in the same boat and familiar waters. 13-0, with California (and Texas) travel plans in place. It's time. Let the trip begin.
January: That End
On our way to the airport, I'm again trying to convince myself that this family trip will be fun no matter what. Think it into truth. What did George Costanza say? “It's not a lie, if you believe it.” Another year of New Year's Eve travel. We fly out of DTW, landing as the clock strikes midnight out west, in enough time to celebrate the New Year by picking up our rental car and hitting the road towards Pasadena. Here we come, 2024! We make it to the Rose Bowl golf course a few hours pre-game to tailgate with Scott and Cap'n Ron, who are attending the game. Beautiful Rose Bowl weather - sunny and 65 at 10:30am. Mountains and historic stadium in the background, this golf course feels like outside the Big House in September, about a 75/25 split in Michigan's favor. We party it up while the kids throw the football around for a couple hours. It's perfect. We talk strategy with the Albrechts and high hopes That Team is ready this time. About an hour before the game, we manage to make it out of the golf course, salmon swimming upstream, and to an LA sports bar. The kids have food, screens and chargers. I'm an edgy, nervous wreck, but there's nothing more I can do than find a good vantage point to watch without screaming in anyone's face. It's time. Let the game begin.
As with several games this season, it starts out poorly. Even through multiple rewatches, I still can't believe JJ's first throw. The muffed punt. The extra point. The missed field goal. The second muffed punt. Total special teams meltdown. Holy cow. Amy and I look at each other in disbelief. Is this TCU all over again? But, maybe not, as That Defense remains consistent and keeps the game within reach. As the California sun sets and that dim bar lighting takes effect, time is running out. 4th quarter, 4:41 left. Then: That Drive. 4th and 2 conversion by Blake. JJ first down run. Tipped pass, Roman catch and out of bounds at the 5. Roman TD to tie the game. Blake bowling over everyone in OT for the go-ahead touchdown.
Amy and I are coaching, nudging each other, again yelling at the TV, and pleading with That Defense to once again save the day. 'Bama first and goal - rush for no gain. Second down - Mason Graham bulldozer tackle for loss. Third down - pass complete, 'bama WR awkwardly twisted down at the 3 yard line. Injury timeout. 4th and goal. Michigan timeout. 'Bama timeout. Amy and I can't take it anymore as we pace around the bar. No more timeouts left, this is it. Here we go, bracing ourselves in a linebacker ready stance, like we're going to make this play. Low snap, 'bama quarterback dives towards the end zone. He's well short and emphatically flattened. Game. Over. Pandamonium in Pasadena. That Team rushes the field, sprinting and screaming in every direction, embracing each other: Victors Valiant. We scream out with joy and pride too, running around the bar, high fiving every Michigan fan in the place. Did that just happen? Every focus of Team 144 over the last 365 days has led to THIS moment. Blake Corum lets everyone know: “See you in Houston!” Rose Bowl Champions. Michigan 27, 'bama 20.
Scott and Cap meet us back at our LA rental and we collectively relive our experiences, from the stadium to the bar, rewatching the game immediately. This win feels like the breakthrough moment, the pinnacle of a truly unbelievable season. To defeat 'bama, Nick Saban and the program that has won the most CFP National Championships - not sure it gets better than this. California feels glorious for the next three days. Everything is right with the world. I run the neighborhood streets of LA three mornings in a row, decked head to toe in maize and blue, listening to my season anthem on repeat and there's only just enough gravity to keep me from floating away. 2024, off to a magical start and savoring every moment of it. This is what we missed last year. But, still, one more to go. Business isn't finished. 14-0, Houston dreams have become reality.
We make our way to Texas and settle into our Houston Big House. My parents and brother arrive and we reminisce about the Rose Bowl victory, rewatching the whole game (again), analyzing and cheering in prep for Monday night. Landing a day later and full of spirit, Scott and Cap join us too, with surprise guest, Melissa! On Sunday, we all check out the CFP fan fest, see Michigan board the team buses and leave for their final team walk through before the National Championship. Thumbs up and smiles from Coach Harbaugh. Ready to win, as Ted Lasso might say, “the whole damn thing.” That night, Ryan, Scott and I do 'Victory Cannonballs' into a pool that feels like the Polar Plunge, in the name of winning it all. We stay up too late. But, who cares, the next day is the National F-ing Championship and this time, everything's going to plan.
Championship morning comes and I go for a run in a warm Houston rain, knowing that I'm going to be an anxious mess all the way up to kickoff. Scott and Cap grill up a pregame tailgate feast for everyone at the Houston House and we all try to enjoy ourselves for a few hours during a day that we can't wait to turn into night.
Eventually, enough time passes for us to finally make our way to NRG Stadium. As we park, black storm clouds start rolling in, the winds pick up and it feels about 30 degrees cooler in 30 seconds. Storm before the calm? We book it to the stadium as fast as Bill's now 76 year old knees will allow. Like all the Wolverine faithful, he is on his game today and we only get a little wet. Thanks, pocket ponchos - not our first rodeo. As we make our way to the Michigan side of the stadium, our fans are as hyped as we've ever seen - cheers and chants breaking out constantly, as if we'd already won. And maybe we had. The Rose Bowl felt like the true hurdle.
Amy, Bill and I settle into our seats about an hour before kickoff, watch the teams' final on field preparations, starters announced and pregame band shows. With the thunderstorm raging outside, the roof is closed and it's warming up in NRG. Sweating it out as we approach kickoff, I'm channeling John Fogerty, “Put me in, Coach! I'm ready to play!” Nervousness, anticipation, and exhilaration all flow freely. We are ready to make history. Almost game time.
A Houston space launch hype video countdown keeps everyone on their feet after the Star Spangled Banner, roaring to kickoff. Michigan gets the ball first. And this time, everything goes to plan. No early game struggles. No waiting for the team to settle in. Nearly mistake-free football. Michigan marches down the field on their first two drives, scoring on back to back long TD runs from “The Don,” Donovan Edwards. To end the quarter, Blake busts loose for another long run and we can barely contain ourselves. We look at each other, wide-eyed, cheering, laughing, asking, “Is this really happening?!”
During the second and third quarters, we come back down to Earth, as the competition on the field levels out. When Washington scores a TD just before half to make it a one score game, the tension rises again in the stands. Out on the concourse during the break, a much different tone than pre-game. Anxiety fills the air as fans quietly make their half-time moves. While Bill and I battle a long pit stop line, the second half gets underway, immediately followed by a stadium shaking uproar from our crowd. What happened? Interception? Another M fan, watching on his phone, shows us the replay as All-American cornerback Will Johnson makes a spectacular pick. And just like that, the anxiety lifts after That Defense steps up and Michigan adds to the lead.
By mid 4th quarter, Washington battles back to make it a one score game again, despite our defense making life miserable for Penix on nearly every throw. The Michigan offense, relatively quiet and conservative since the 1st quarter, re-opens the playbook. JJ slings the pigskin to Colston and Roman, hauling in long catches and darting down the field. Then, Blake the Great weaves through defenders to score and Championship dreams take another step towards reality.
Time for That Defense to finish the job, one more time. The final nail: Captain Mike Sainristil's interception. We shout with pure joy as he follows a maize and blue convoy down the sideline and towards the end zone. Game. Over. Bill, Amy and I embrace in a “Holy crap, this IS happening!” moment. Hugs, high fives and tears all around. More hugs, more high fives, more tears. Sighs of relief, selfies, group photos, videos, all of it. This is real.
Over my 40 plus years, I've been lucky enough to attend many memorable Michigan Football games, defeats and victories, most thanks to Bill. Elvis Grbac to Desmond Howard for The Catch on 4th and 1 vs Notre Dame. The Kordell Stewart to Michael Westbrook Hail Mary loss to Colorado. Charles Woodson solidifying his Heisman in The Game. Anthony Thomas' fumble at Northwestern. Phil Brabbs' kick to beat WA. The Braylon Edwards’ game vs MSU. USC dominance in the '04 Rose Bowl. App State. Under the Lights vs ND. Program Victory 1,000. The 2021 and 2023 victories in The Game. And now, watching Michigan win the National Championship with my wife and father by my side.
In all the rest of my Michigan sports fandom, it's hard to imagine anything more meaningful than this. We, together, experienced this season with Team 144. The highs and lows, expected and wildly unpredictable. We witnessed Michigan achieve perfection. Several weeks later, I’m still basking in the glow, floating, framing as many pictures as my walls will hold to immortalize the experience. Still contacting Bill about the trip, looking ahead to next season as Defending National Champions, and referring to each other as “Champ” in most of our conversations. Savoring each moment and enjoying daily as the dream continues to slowly settle into reality.
Sometimes you plan and prepare and it goes to hell. Sometimes it's “cooked just right.” Michigan 34, Washington 13. The Team, That Team, Our Team: Team 144. 15-0. Perfect Season. Michigan Legends. National Champions.
January 8, 2024:
Thank you, Michigan Football, for a lifetime of memories, and Team 144, for this time in particular.
Forever, GO BLUE!

December 31, 2022:
We had everything planned to attend the 2023 CFP National Championship Game at SoFi Stadium in LA - myself, Amy (wife) and Bill (dad). We'd secured tickets through UM Athletics, thanks to Bill's season ticket holder status and a little ticket lottery luck. All our accommodations were set. On New Year's Eve morning, with kids in tow, Amy and I drove from Ann Arbor to Chicago so that we could watch the semifinal game with Bill and the rest of my family at my childhood home. Everything seemed to be coming together. It was our time.
Maize and blue runs deep in our family. Amy and I met at UM as college students back in the early 2000s. We got married in AA a few years later and eventually put down roots there to start our family. Bill graduated from the UM B-school back in '70 and has been a football season ticket holder for over 40 years. I was 6 months old when I attended my first game at Michigan Stadium, better known as the Big House. As that story goes, on a hot September Saturday in 1982, a “bundled baby got redder and redder, until he was cooked just right” - a Michigan fan ever since. Fifteen years later, I was a highschool sophomore in '97, the last time Michigan Football won the National Championship. Too preoccupied with teenager life to appreciate it then, this time would be different.
Needless to say, we were all amped for that 2022 semifinal game. Our bags were packed. All The Team had to do was win. And then TCU happened. Pick six. Fumble. Pick six. Season over. Plans ruined. Total let down. I felt completely deflated. Collectively, we had a golden opportunity in our grasp, only to watch JJ and The Team literally throw it away with those interceptions. A week later, still distraught, I didn't even watch the National Championship game.
By the middle of January, wounds still healing, we started thinking about the next season and Team 144. JJ said they'd be back and I wanted to believe him. The third time could be the charm. Team 144 would be hungry, driven to redeem themselves and finish what they started together back in '21. Where is the 2024 CFP National Championship Game? Houston. Ok, that's doable. It's not southern California, but still warmer than Michigan in January. One can hope. Let's keep it in mind as the season gets underway.
August: The Plan
Summer's coming to an end and I'm itching for the start of the next season: Michigan Football season. After following The Team's progress throughout the summer, I'm now confident: this is the year. Amy and I start looking at January house rentals in Houston. We find a great place with something for everyone: outdoor pool, basketball hoop, billiards table, patio, arcade games, plenty of space. I check with Bill, who's 75, has bad knees and hasn't made it to a game at the Big House in a few years. These days he's often giving his tickets away to family or selling them. Just maybe he'll go for the Houston idea, since we were on the verge of going to California just over half a year earlier. Maybe, this time would be different.
Without hesitation, Bill is ALL IN. He's psyched. Sue (mom) and Ryan (brother) are coming too. Amy and I book the place. Book the flights. We tell ourselves that we'll enjoy the holiday break getaway in Houston with family, whether Michigan's playing or not. This would become my mantra throughout the season, an attempt to channel my inner JJ McCarthy, ground and convince myself that win or lose, it will be ok and we will enjoy our time in Texas, maybe.
September: The Domination
The season starts out as expected, even with Harbaugh suspended for the first 3 games, as Michigan pummels lesser opponents en route to easy victories. We half watch the TV, as you might with preseason, exhibition games. It's nice to have on in the background while summer winds down over Labor Day weekend, with the start of school and casual get-togethers to celebrate fall birthdays. All the while, when others engage in small talk about The Team, I try to curb my enthusiasm, not mentioning the Houston plans, for fear of jinxing it, coming off as cocky, crazy, or both. 4-0.
October: The Scandal
The calendar rolls over and The Team starts rolling through the B1G. We watch as The Team “cooks just right” in a Nebraska heatwave, then drops 52 on Minnesota, before returning home to do the same to Indiana. Next up: in-state rivalry week. I can't wait to watch The Team manhandle the Spartans. There's no doubt and there will be no mercy. And then the unthinkable - the “Sign Gate” scandal hits. What is this nonsense? Who the hell is Connor Stalions? How will The Team react? M 49, msu 0. Yes, msu was already deep in their own Sparty brand of turmoil, but it always feels great to beat the hell out of your in-state rival.
Rumors and speculation, and stories about rumors and speculation, continue to swirl like the Wizard of Oz twister. I dress up as Connor Stalions at work on Halloween, complete with “Michigan Manifesto,” headset to nobody, binoculars, iPhone camera and crusty M hat. The Stalions CMU allegations start flying that day too - complete with pictures - sunglasses at night. Welp, his career is over-over and now I just feel bad for him. So, I change up my costume for trick or treating with the kids. I don't need to kick the guy who's already down and now, all the way out. “Vast Network” feels a little more appropriate, all things considered. 8-0.
November: That Gauntlet
The bye week feels like forever as rumors and reports reach a fever pitch. Can we just get back to playing football? I head to the purdon't game with our college buddy, great friend and crazed M fan, Scott. My first in-person game of the season, I'm hoping we win 1 million to zero to quiet some of the media frenzied noise. The Team looks a little rusty after the week off, but takes care of business. Final preseason game: M 41, purdue 13. Ok, that's done. Let's play some meaningful football.
The first true test: penn state. Even before the scandal, everything pointed to this game. First ranked foe of the season. Time for The Team to finally show college football they are That Team. Then, the unthinkable and unprecedented: Harbaugh is served a second suspension, while en route to Happy Valley, less than 24 hours before kickoff. Wow, that's low, B1G.
I'm in complete disbelief. The Team might not even get a chance to prove their true moxy. Nevermind. Interim Head Coach Sherrone Moore's got this and That Team is ready for that stage. Amy and I cheer and scream and coach the TV screen from home on nearly every play. Take that, B1G. Take that, haters. Michigan 24, penn state 15. We too have tears in our eyes afterward as Sherrone and Blake give passionate post-game interviews on the field. Tears of pride, anger, unity, determination. I firmly believe. Texas or bust. We.Are.That.Team.
One more obstacle before The Game: Maryland. On a whim, and with the promise of unseasonably warm November weather, we decide to make a family road trip to see Michigan go for program win 1,000 against the Terps. It's a sunny, warm and windy day in College Park. Their stadium gives me some serious Northwestern vibes. And I've seen Michigan lose at N'Western, multiple times and in devastating fashion. With the boys alongside, we should make it through half-time, at least, hoping for M dominance early and often. Early, yes. Often, no. Maryland puts up a good fight. And we manage to make it through the whole game while That Team and That Defense does enough to get That W: 1,000. Michigan 31, maryland 24. Michigan fans outnumber Maryland in the stands and later on the field. Right after the game, an announcement is made about Maryland fan photo ops on the field. Then, the announcer immediately follows that up by asking Michigan fans to please leave the field. Yes, that’s our cherry on top.
Thanksgiving Week. The Game. The Anticipation. The Hype. Michigan vs. Everybody. This is it. The Game to end all Games. It's all I can think about. I text Scott, Bill and other M fans constantly throughout the week about Game day planning, strategy, and the overwhelming hype, mainly as an outlet for my increasing anxiety and excitement. Scott and his dad (affectionately known as Cap'n Ron), Bill, Sue and Ryan all make the trip to AA for it. Bill attends his first osu game in a decade, a precursor and physical prep for a hopeful National Championship trek. He believes too. And we all know how this one plays out. Zak Zinter goes down. The crowd rises up. Blake Corum scores. Rod Moore intercepts and calls “Game!” From our seats in the northeast corner, it sure looks like a clean pick to me and Amy. And once it's confirmed, The Celebration is on! Michigan 30, osu 24.
The field is flooded with M fans, same as in '21, but this time around, with a feeling of determination instead of relief. After many post-Game cheers at the golf course tailgate, we eventually make it back home to immediately watch the TV broadcast. The confirmation of the Rod Moore interception brings me the most joy in that moment. And in every rewatch since. Tears well up again, this time with Bill too. We are lucky enough to have experienced, in-person, the biggest Game there will likely ever be in the rivalry. Over 40 years since that first game, when I got "cooked." Regular season complete, 12-0. Houston dreams alive and well.
December: That Wait
The B1G Championship is just a matter of how much we're going to win by, right? Yep, Michigan 26, iowa 0. B1G Champs. Three-Peat. Here we come, CFP! Swept up in the excitement of it all, Amy and I decide to add a Pasadena detour to the Houston family trip. We book everything in. Season ticket holder Bill throws his name in the UM Athletics ticket lottery hat for the Rose Bowl. We find out a few days later, he didn't get them. Dammit. Demand was sky high to see M take on 'bama in the Granddaddy of Them All. Dammit. What now? Let's go out there anyway. Scott and Cap'n are going. We can hang out with them and support from the golf course, watch at a local sports bar and enjoy some California sunshine for a few days.
Prior to CA, we find out that we ARE eligible to get CFP National Championship tickets again. Lucky for us, the demand for those tickets isn't as high as the Rose Bowl among M fans. Maybe because it's on a Monday night? After the holiday break? Or the uncertainty of M needing to win the Rose Bowl first? Whatever the case, thank gawd, because prices on the secondary market are already outrageous ($1800+) and likely going to get worse, especially if Texas beats Washington. So, one year later, after all that, we're back in the same boat and familiar waters. 13-0, with California (and Texas) travel plans in place. It's time. Let the trip begin.
January: That End
On our way to the airport, I'm again trying to convince myself that this family trip will be fun no matter what. Think it into truth. What did George Costanza say? “It's not a lie, if you believe it.” Another year of New Year's Eve travel. We fly out of DTW, landing as the clock strikes midnight out west, in enough time to celebrate the New Year by picking up our rental car and hitting the road towards Pasadena. Here we come, 2024! We make it to the Rose Bowl golf course a few hours pre-game to tailgate with Scott and Cap'n Ron, who are attending the game. Beautiful Rose Bowl weather - sunny and 65 at 10:30am. Mountains and historic stadium in the background, this golf course feels like outside the Big House in September, about a 75/25 split in Michigan's favor. We party it up while the kids throw the football around for a couple hours. It's perfect. We talk strategy with the Albrechts and high hopes That Team is ready this time. About an hour before the game, we manage to make it out of the golf course, salmon swimming upstream, and to an LA sports bar. The kids have food, screens and chargers. I'm an edgy, nervous wreck, but there's nothing more I can do than find a good vantage point to watch without screaming in anyone's face. It's time. Let the game begin.
As with several games this season, it starts out poorly. Even through multiple rewatches, I still can't believe JJ's first throw. The muffed punt. The extra point. The missed field goal. The second muffed punt. Total special teams meltdown. Holy cow. Amy and I look at each other in disbelief. Is this TCU all over again? But, maybe not, as That Defense remains consistent and keeps the game within reach. As the California sun sets and that dim bar lighting takes effect, time is running out. 4th quarter, 4:41 left. Then: That Drive. 4th and 2 conversion by Blake. JJ first down run. Tipped pass, Roman catch and out of bounds at the 5. Roman TD to tie the game. Blake bowling over everyone in OT for the go-ahead touchdown.
Amy and I are coaching, nudging each other, again yelling at the TV, and pleading with That Defense to once again save the day. 'Bama first and goal - rush for no gain. Second down - Mason Graham bulldozer tackle for loss. Third down - pass complete, 'bama WR awkwardly twisted down at the 3 yard line. Injury timeout. 4th and goal. Michigan timeout. 'Bama timeout. Amy and I can't take it anymore as we pace around the bar. No more timeouts left, this is it. Here we go, bracing ourselves in a linebacker ready stance, like we're going to make this play. Low snap, 'bama quarterback dives towards the end zone. He's well short and emphatically flattened. Game. Over. Pandamonium in Pasadena. That Team rushes the field, sprinting and screaming in every direction, embracing each other: Victors Valiant. We scream out with joy and pride too, running around the bar, high fiving every Michigan fan in the place. Did that just happen? Every focus of Team 144 over the last 365 days has led to THIS moment. Blake Corum lets everyone know: “See you in Houston!” Rose Bowl Champions. Michigan 27, 'bama 20.
Scott and Cap meet us back at our LA rental and we collectively relive our experiences, from the stadium to the bar, rewatching the game immediately. This win feels like the breakthrough moment, the pinnacle of a truly unbelievable season. To defeat 'bama, Nick Saban and the program that has won the most CFP National Championships - not sure it gets better than this. California feels glorious for the next three days. Everything is right with the world. I run the neighborhood streets of LA three mornings in a row, decked head to toe in maize and blue, listening to my season anthem on repeat and there's only just enough gravity to keep me from floating away. 2024, off to a magical start and savoring every moment of it. This is what we missed last year. But, still, one more to go. Business isn't finished. 14-0, Houston dreams have become reality.
We make our way to Texas and settle into our Houston Big House. My parents and brother arrive and we reminisce about the Rose Bowl victory, rewatching the whole game (again), analyzing and cheering in prep for Monday night. Landing a day later and full of spirit, Scott and Cap join us too, with surprise guest, Melissa! On Sunday, we all check out the CFP fan fest, see Michigan board the team buses and leave for their final team walk through before the National Championship. Thumbs up and smiles from Coach Harbaugh. Ready to win, as Ted Lasso might say, “the whole damn thing.” That night, Ryan, Scott and I do 'Victory Cannonballs' into a pool that feels like the Polar Plunge, in the name of winning it all. We stay up too late. But, who cares, the next day is the National F-ing Championship and this time, everything's going to plan.
Championship morning comes and I go for a run in a warm Houston rain, knowing that I'm going to be an anxious mess all the way up to kickoff. Scott and Cap grill up a pregame tailgate feast for everyone at the Houston House and we all try to enjoy ourselves for a few hours during a day that we can't wait to turn into night.
Eventually, enough time passes for us to finally make our way to NRG Stadium. As we park, black storm clouds start rolling in, the winds pick up and it feels about 30 degrees cooler in 30 seconds. Storm before the calm? We book it to the stadium as fast as Bill's now 76 year old knees will allow. Like all the Wolverine faithful, he is on his game today and we only get a little wet. Thanks, pocket ponchos - not our first rodeo. As we make our way to the Michigan side of the stadium, our fans are as hyped as we've ever seen - cheers and chants breaking out constantly, as if we'd already won. And maybe we had. The Rose Bowl felt like the true hurdle.
Amy, Bill and I settle into our seats about an hour before kickoff, watch the teams' final on field preparations, starters announced and pregame band shows. With the thunderstorm raging outside, the roof is closed and it's warming up in NRG. Sweating it out as we approach kickoff, I'm channeling John Fogerty, “Put me in, Coach! I'm ready to play!” Nervousness, anticipation, and exhilaration all flow freely. We are ready to make history. Almost game time.
A Houston space launch hype video countdown keeps everyone on their feet after the Star Spangled Banner, roaring to kickoff. Michigan gets the ball first. And this time, everything goes to plan. No early game struggles. No waiting for the team to settle in. Nearly mistake-free football. Michigan marches down the field on their first two drives, scoring on back to back long TD runs from “The Don,” Donovan Edwards. To end the quarter, Blake busts loose for another long run and we can barely contain ourselves. We look at each other, wide-eyed, cheering, laughing, asking, “Is this really happening?!”
During the second and third quarters, we come back down to Earth, as the competition on the field levels out. When Washington scores a TD just before half to make it a one score game, the tension rises again in the stands. Out on the concourse during the break, a much different tone than pre-game. Anxiety fills the air as fans quietly make their half-time moves. While Bill and I battle a long pit stop line, the second half gets underway, immediately followed by a stadium shaking uproar from our crowd. What happened? Interception? Another M fan, watching on his phone, shows us the replay as All-American cornerback Will Johnson makes a spectacular pick. And just like that, the anxiety lifts after That Defense steps up and Michigan adds to the lead.
By mid 4th quarter, Washington battles back to make it a one score game again, despite our defense making life miserable for Penix on nearly every throw. The Michigan offense, relatively quiet and conservative since the 1st quarter, re-opens the playbook. JJ slings the pigskin to Colston and Roman, hauling in long catches and darting down the field. Then, Blake the Great weaves through defenders to score and Championship dreams take another step towards reality.
Time for That Defense to finish the job, one more time. The final nail: Captain Mike Sainristil's interception. We shout with pure joy as he follows a maize and blue convoy down the sideline and towards the end zone. Game. Over. Bill, Amy and I embrace in a “Holy crap, this IS happening!” moment. Hugs, high fives and tears all around. More hugs, more high fives, more tears. Sighs of relief, selfies, group photos, videos, all of it. This is real.
Over my 40 plus years, I've been lucky enough to attend many memorable Michigan Football games, defeats and victories, most thanks to Bill. Elvis Grbac to Desmond Howard for The Catch on 4th and 1 vs Notre Dame. The Kordell Stewart to Michael Westbrook Hail Mary loss to Colorado. Charles Woodson solidifying his Heisman in The Game. Anthony Thomas' fumble at Northwestern. Phil Brabbs' kick to beat WA. The Braylon Edwards’ game vs MSU. USC dominance in the '04 Rose Bowl. App State. Under the Lights vs ND. Program Victory 1,000. The 2021 and 2023 victories in The Game. And now, watching Michigan win the National Championship with my wife and father by my side.
In all the rest of my Michigan sports fandom, it's hard to imagine anything more meaningful than this. We, together, experienced this season with Team 144. The highs and lows, expected and wildly unpredictable. We witnessed Michigan achieve perfection. Several weeks later, I’m still basking in the glow, floating, framing as many pictures as my walls will hold to immortalize the experience. Still contacting Bill about the trip, looking ahead to next season as Defending National Champions, and referring to each other as “Champ” in most of our conversations. Savoring each moment and enjoying daily as the dream continues to slowly settle into reality.
Sometimes you plan and prepare and it goes to hell. Sometimes it's “cooked just right.” Michigan 34, Washington 13. The Team, That Team, Our Team: Team 144. 15-0. Perfect Season. Michigan Legends. National Champions.
January 8, 2024:
Thank you, Michigan Football, for a lifetime of memories, and Team 144, for this time in particular.
Forever, GO BLUE!

This post is Part 4 out of 6 as to why Gary Mathias of the Yuba County Five is innocent. READ PART 1, 2, AND 3 IF YOU HAVE NOT YET; THIS POST WILL NOT MAKE SENSE TO YOU IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE PREIOUS PARTS.
This post is a deep deep dive into Gary Mathias, who has been considered an endangered missing person since his mysterious disappearance along with four of his friends on February 24, 1978. (Note: this is a very long post, you have been warned. I have spilt my post into various sections. If you want, you can just look at certain sections; however, to understand my position fully it would be preferable that you read the entire post, and then go on to read Part 5 and part 6.)
(Note: I will call the Yuba county five "The Boys", not out of disrespect but because that is what their families used to and still do call them).

Did Gary Purposely Lead the Other Four Men to Their Deaths? (Also Addressing Other Accusations Made against him):

Now, the 2019 Sacramento Bee article that I mentioned way earlier in this 6-part post suggested that Gary Mathias was maliciously involved in the deaths of his friends, aka he's the murderer. That 2019 Bee article put out some "information" that allegedly supported this theory. This information has been repeated many times in YouTube videos, in website articles, and in Reddit and YouTube comments. Most of this information is either false or has no context to it, and I'm here to clear all of that nonsense up:
Gary's dream
A woman by the name of Janet Enzerra claimed that she was a very good acquaintance to Gary Mathias. She stated that Gary was a very violent man, who hated women and children, who apparently beat up several men badly, and who kept telling her of this dream he was apparently having that involved him and other men "disappearing." Janet Enzerra's character testimony did not fit with anyone else who knew Gary, and her accusations against him were totally off base and had no evidence to support it. Her story is questionable because of this as well as due to the fact that she does not give a time for when he was apparently having this dream. Was it right before he disappeared? Was it while he still was unmedicated? Janet Enzerra does not say. When the police decided to press harder on her to say anything more of Gary, she couldn't answer their questions. Why? Because, in reality, she barely knew him at all. Gary did not talk her. It appears that she made the whole story up. Why would she do that and slander against a missing person? I honestly have no idea. Maybe she just wanted some attention or she's one of those kinds of gossipers that start rumors that have no basis to them at all. To say the least, her testimony should not be regarded as factual.
Furthermore, even assuming that Gary was having this dream (which he wasn't), I don't see how it proves malicious intent in the disappearance. 1) he has paranoia based schizophrenia. Obviously, having this mental illness includes sometimes being paranoid. Considering this, Gary was probably paranoid about losing his friends. 2) Gary cares so much about the Boys and they were his sole purpose/safety that he couldn’t bear to lose them. This feeds into the paranoia of potentially losing them.
The Basketball Coach's Testimony
Many people cite what the Gateway Gator's basketball coach allegedly stated of Gary Mathias back in 1978, which was: "he was spacey" and that he felt that "he [Gary] could flip out at any time." However, a case expert and author, Drew Beeson, actually interviewed the basketball coach quite recently (in 2024). The coach was asked during the interview if he ever recalled seeing Gary Mathias acting as if he could freak out at any minute or go haywire or have some sort of emotional outburst at any time and the coach said "No." The coach stated that he never saw Gary have any outburst of any kind or felt that he would. He also said that he never saw Gary push somebody, punch somebody, or get violent with anybody. So what's strange is that why did he say that stuff about Gary in the case files? Drew Beeson (and me as well) believes that it is very possible that the quotes he supposedly said about Gary back in 1978 in the case files were falsely or mistakenly attributed to him.
Gary Whiteley's Testimony
The 2019 Sacramento Bee article also used the character testimony of Gary Whiteley, who was Gary's sister Sharon's ex husband at the time of Gary's disappearance, to slander against Gary Mathias. Whiteley stated that "drugs addled Gary's brain" and that Gary was violent and was only borderline stable as long as he took his meds. A couple of months before Gary disappeared, Sharon divorced Whiteley, and the divorce was ... to say the least, messy. Many people are reluctant to say this, but I frankly don't care, so I'm going to say it, Gary Whiteley was the Bully of the town. He was known as "the Town Bully." Whiteley was a very very very (this cannot be understated) bad criminal. Whiteley was many things: an arsonist, a robber, a drug dealer, a stalker, and an assaulter. He had a gang of four or five guys; those were his cronies. (You can look at his criminal record if you want, all of this stuff is there). He was very abusive toward his wife, Sharon, and when she finally divorced him, Whiteley firebombed her car. He was extremely volatile against the Mathias family and stalked/beat up/ robbed Gary a lot. Whiteley also later then firebombed Gary's mom's car. Basically all of the families now believe, after doing independent research, that he could potentially be involved in The Boys' disappearance. Well, my point here is not to prove that Whiteley is guilty nor am I trying to incriminate him, but to show that none of Whiteley's testimony made against Gary Mathias should be regarded as factual.
Were/Are the Families Suspicious of Gary?
Initially, no. There is no evidence that the parents were suspicious of Gary. All parents of the five suspected foul play from a third party. As Melba Madruga (Jack Maruga's mom) stated: “Things aren’t right. Why would they leave the car to go die? There’s no sense to that theory. But we can’t figure out anything that works out right. There’s no rhyme or reason to any of it...there was some force that made ‘em go up there. They wouldn’t have fled off in the wood like a bunch of quail. We know good and well that somebody made them do it. We can’t visualize someone getting the upper hand on those five men, but we know it must have been.” Imogene Weiher (Ted Weiher's mom) stated: “Jack Madruga would never have driven his car up there. They wouldn’t have gone up there, got scared and just ran off. We know there’s more to it than what’s been said. These kinds of boys each had their own mental disability, they followed a straight pattern. They wouldn’t have gone out of their way like that unless somebody enticed them up there.”
The police who have claimed that the parents have told them personally that they were suspicious of Gary have no evidence to back up such a claim (as they are not in the case files) and are likely just feeding into the propaganda/stereotype that a schizophrenic person is going to become violent at a moment's notice and can somehow cause all of this. The police are also making a scapegoat so that people feel less sorry for Gary despite that fact that the police actually failed to find him.
A few family members later started getting suspicious of Gary as the years went by with no answers and no body. Obviously, anyone who grieves looks for a scapegoat (I obviously mean no offence to the families, I'm just saying it's human nature) and the easiest scapegoat is Gary because he is still missing. The Weiher family was, at first, a proponent of the "Gary Mathias did it" theory and a few members (not all) of the Madruga family were of that opinion as well. The Huet family, however, never once believed that Gary was involved in the disappearance, and I don't know about the Sterlings as Bill Sterling's family has refused to talk about the disappearance after 1978. However, I know that at the time of this writing, none of the families really believe that he was involved in the disappearance anymore and they all believe that a third party was involved. As Dallas Weiher Jr, Ted Weiher's nephew, stated in a recent interview: “I think the boys were running out of fear. They may have been threatened and told their families would be hurt if they didn’t do what they were told. They were simple minded in a lot of ways.”
Were the Other Four Boys Afraid of Gary?
I've seen this "fact" get thrown about a lot - that apparently the other four Boys were scared of Gary. The truth is no, they were not. It doesn't make any sense. Jack Madruga would never let anyone he did not like into his car. The five of them did a lot of things together and frequently went out of town to watch basketball games together. If they were scared of Gary and did not like him, they knew how to speak their minds and would not be hanging out with him. Only one family member claims this, and it's not supported by any of the other family members of The Boys.
Was Gary a Misogynist?
Thanks to the lies of Janet Enzerra, many people falsely believe that Gary Mathias hated women. I've seen a lot of people in Youtube comments write stupid stuff like they don't feel bad for what happened to Gary because he was a misogynist. This information is false. As Gary's niece stated, "he absolutely loved women and children." Gary, in fact, was dating his high school girlfriend Lisa before he disappeared and his relationship with her, from what I've gathered, was a good one. Gary had no inappropriate encounters with women for the two or three years before his disappearance, and he was respectful. Gary's niece stated that Gary's own mother "was his best friend."
Could Gary Have Purposely Led to Their Deaths?
Gary was not dressed for the weather of the Plumas when he disappeared. He was wearing a light jacket, short sleeves, jeans, and tennis shoes. If he was planning something bad, you would think he would have been more prepared for it, wouldn't you? Gary was also not carrying a weapon of any kind when he disappeared. All that he had in his pockets were his little notes of positivity and 10 to 15 dollars. Many people constantly downplay how excited Gary was for his basketball tournament on Saturday, February 25. The Gateway gators won all of their other games and The Boys were waiting to play for their tournament on the 25th for weeks and they would talk about it very often. Gary kept bugging his mom nonstop for days, saying to her: "We got a big game Saturday. Don't you let me oversleep." Gary laid out his basketball uniform on his bed before he left to go see the game in Chico with the others, in anticipation for the next day. When they discovered that their son did not return home, Gary's parents were panicked as they knew that he wanted to play in that tournament more than anything and would not have missed it for the world.
There Is No Evidence That Gary Hurt His Friends
If Gary wanted to kill his friends or whatever, then why didn't he do all of this stuff sooner? He had a lot of opportunities. Why the night before a big game that he was very excited about? When Jack Madruga's Montego was found up in the Plumas, there was no signs of foul play. The interior of the car was in pristine condition and so was the outside of the car, which investigators thought was peculiar. If Gary was acting violent toward his friends or somehow did a hostile takeover of the car, the car would not have been found in such good condition. Furthermore, if Gary was beginning to act violent, how could he, a slender, not that tall guy, overpower four grown and very strong men, two of whom were taller than he was? Also, if Gary was planning on this disappearance, why did he not take any of their money? When his four friends' bodies were found, they all still had their wallets with cash in it. Why didn't Gary steal Jack's car? None of the bodies were really found with signs of blunt force trauma. Ted Weiher's body, which was the most intact, definitely had no signs of foul play and his body was swaddle in sheets in a way he could not do it himself, and many investigators at the time (and now) believed that Gary did that. If Gary was this violent schizo as many people believe, then how was Ted able to live for so long in those trailers (Ted was found with a full beard even though he was clean shaven when he disappeared)? This further shows that Gary Mathias had no motive to kill his friends as well as did not maliciously lead them to their deaths.
Did Gary's Family refused to Go on the Show Unsolved Mysteries?
There has been a rumor that Gary's family refused to go on the show Unsolved Mysteries, and as a result, Unsolved Mysteries never aired an episode on the Yuba County Five. This rumor has been spreading around a lot and a lot of people act as if it's super suspicious if Gary's family refused to go on the show "Unsolved Mysteries." Well, it's not true. Tammie Mathias, Gary's sister, has stated that their family was not even aware that Unsolved Mysteries wanted to make an episode on the Yuba County Five, and she says that the show never bothered to contact them. Tammie also states that they liked Unsolved Mysteries and that her mom would have most definitely liked renewed interest for her son's disappearance to potentially find answers. Also, even if the Mathias family refused to cooperate, I don't know why that's viewed as suspicious. A huge tragedy happened and they don't want to talk about it. Saying stuff like that is just very callous. Bill Sterling's family has refused to do any interview at all since 1978. Why don't people view that as suspicious also, hmm?
Did Gary Know the Witness Joseph Schons or His Disabled Daughter?
Joseph Schons was a 55 year old man who claimed that he saw The Boys up in the Plumas on February 24th, and to answer the question, no. The police tried to find a potential connection between the two, and did a very thorough search. There was no connection. I have seen a theory put out that maybe Joseph Schons caused the Boys to disappear as revenge for what Gary did to his disabled daughter, like possibly assaulted her, and that he could have known her through Gateway, or that Gary went up to the mountain for a drug deal with Schons, but none of that is true, so, people, stop spreading those kinds of unsubstantiated (and frankly stupid) rumors. Schon's daughter, in fact, was interviewed a few years back and she stated that she did not know any of The Boys. Schons's son also stated that neither his dad or any of his family knew any of The Boys.
Stay Tuned for Part 5.
(All of my sources that I used to obtain all of this information is in Part 6 of my 6-part series.)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuba_County_Five
https://allthatsinteresting.com/yuba-county-five
https://www.reddit.com/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/hv6t8p/in_1975_the_gateway_center_for_the_handicapped_in/
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-02-24/yuba-county-five-missing-persons-case/103472558

This post is Part 1 out of 6 as to why Gary Mathias is innocent
This 6-part post is a deep deep dive into Gary Mathias, who has been considered an endangered missing person since his mysterious disappearance along with four of his friends on February 24, 1978. (Note: this is a very long post, you have been warned. I have spilt my post into various sections. If you want, you can just look at certain sections; however, to understand my position fully it would be preferable that you read the entire post, and also read Part 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 as to why Gary Mathias is innocent.)
I know that this post is going to generate a lot of controversy. Will there be some pretty rude comments? Probably. Will there be a lot of arguing and banter in the comment section? No doubt about it. However, I consider myself an expert on this case (I have been doing research on this case for many many months, I have watched all the videos and documentaries there are out there about this case, I have read all the articles on the internet that talk about this case, I have personally seen and read some of the police files on this case, I have listened to family and law enforcement interviews on this case, and I have read almost all the 1978 newspapers that wrote on this case), and I want to clear the large amount of misconceptions that surround this case that keep circling throughout the internet.

Brief case summary (Skip This Section If You Already Know This Case):

The Yuba County Five were five men living with their parents ranging from the ages of 24 to 32 that all had mild intellectual disabilities or mental illness who disappeared on Friday, February 24, 1978 while going to watch a basketball game in Chico, California. The five were: Ted Weiher, who was 32, Jack Madruga, who was 30, Bill Sterling, who was 29, Gary Mathias, who was 25, and Jackie Huet, who was 24. Gary Mathias was the only one of the five that had a mental illness, which was schizophrenia, and which he was very well medicated for. The five were part of the Gateway Projects, which was a vocational training center for people with intellectual disabilities, mental illness, and for drug addicts as well. The five were collectively referred to as The Boys by their friends and families. All five were part of a basketball team that was sponsored by Gateway Projects called the Gateway Gators. They were supposed to play in a game of their own on the morning of Saturday, February 25 in Rocklin, which is near Sacramento, but they were never seen alive after 10 pm on February 24, after they watched the game in Chico. After about 3 months of searching, four of the five were found dead up in the Plumas National Forest in or around some forestry service trailers. Only Gary Mathias was never found, and still remains a missing person to this day. The Yuba County Five is still an open federal case. Other links for this case:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuba_County_Five
https://allthatsinteresting.com/yuba-county-five
https://www.reddit.com/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/hv6t8p/in_1975_the_gateway_center_for_the_handicapped_in/
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-02-24/yuba-county-five-missing-persons-case/103472558
(Note: I will call the Yuba county five "The Boys", not out of disrespect but because that is what their families used to and still do call them).

Gary Mathias:

Alright. The two top most prevalent theories there are in this case are:

1. The Boys got lost and died in the woods
2. Gary Mathias was the perpetrator and led the other Boys to their deaths, either on purpose or on accident.

For right now, I will be tackling down the theory that Gary Mathias had anything to do with their disappearance. Most people resort to blaming Gary for 2 main reasons. 1. He had schizophrenia and 2. He had what can be considered an extensive criminal record. I'm very tired of people dragging Gary under the mud, so I will be giving a very detailed background to Gary Mathias and then my reasoning as to why the suspicions that have fallen on him are unfair, unfounded, and downright insulting.
Unfortunately, a lot of Gary's run-ins have been purposely skewed and/or exaggerated to make it appear that Gary Mathias was a villain. The Sacramento Bee article published in 2019 that talked about Gary's past and that was the first that perpetuated the theory that Gary was the perpetratomurderer purposely skewed a lot of Gary's character and told some half-truths that unfortunately have not been questioned by most people. For readers who haven't read that Sacramento Bee article, don't. It's terrible, incredibly biased, and you can tell that the author of the article has no understanding of schizophrenia. Anyway, let's talk about Gary's past first:

Gary's Childhood:

Gary was the oldest of four children, born to Ida Marie Mosley and Garland Dwayne Mathias. Gary was born on October 15, 1952 in Scotia, California; however, Gary would spend the majority of his life living in Olivehurst, Yuba County, California. Gary's younger siblings are Sharon Mathias, Mark Mathias, and Tammie Mathias. Gary's mom Ida gave birth to Gary when she was only 17 years old. Garland Mathias, who was six years older than Gary's mom, from what I've gathered, was rather abusive. As a result, Ida divorced Garland when Gary was still a very young child. Gary was mostly raised by his mother and step-father, Robert Klopf, who was known as Bob. Bob Klopf was very loving to the Mathias children and was their principle father figure; he treated Gary and his siblings as his own children.
Gary had a pretty normal and happy childhood. He was know to be a typical mischievous and adventurous child. He had a lot of imagination and he loved to play superheroes and rough and tumble games. There were a few terrible incidents that occurred when Gary was young. During a game of Superman, little Gary jumped off a roof and broke both of his legs from the fall. In another, when Gary was ten years old, he jumped out of the door of a moving vehicle and hit his head very hard. He was sent to the ER immediately and was blind for four days because of the fall. When his vision returned, it didn't return fully and he had to wear thick, black-rimmed, coke bottle glasses for the rest of his life because if he didn't, he would see "double." It has been suspected (by the Mathias family) that this traumatic head injury would later result in him developing schizophrenia. Gary was very close to all of his siblings and was a very protective big brother. He would walk his little sister Tammie to school and he would defend his brother Mark from bullies. As his brother, Mark, said about him: "As a little brother, I looked up to him. Oh, he was an athlete, or he was a musician. He was all kinds of things that inspired me. He stood up for me a couple of times. I was going to get my butt kicked, and he stepped in. See, that was the kind of guy he was. He would back up his family, no questions." Gary really loved to listen to music, especially rock music, and the Rolling Stones were his favorite band of all time.
As a teenager, Gary was well-liked. His name appeared in the newspapers as being a star football player. He was the lead singer of a local rock band called "The Fifth Shade" and he and his bandmates won a Battle of the Bands competition in 1969. Gary was also known as a ladies' man during his high school years and dated several girls. All the while, he was known to be kind and a very caring person, and very close to his family. However, things would start to change for the worse, when Gary was introduced to drugs. That's when his parents started to notice that Gary was acting more unsettled and disobedient. The Mathias family believes that Gary's schizophrenia could have already began to manifest during his teen years, as men are known to develop schizophrenia between the ages of 16-30. What oftentimes occurs is that misbehavior and disobedience is typically viewed as typical teenage behavior, when, in actuality, they could really be the signs of upcoming mental illness. This is what Gary's family believes happened. Gary taking drugs could already have been a sign that he began to "self-medicate." When Gary was 16, he admitted himself to a hospital after experimenting with hallucinogens. Gary had also accumulated a small juvenile record. In one incident, he was investigated for pulling down stop signs, as well as he was suspected in being involved in some small local burglaries. However, his involvement in any of these incidents have never been confirmed, and he was never charged or arrested for any of these incidents.

Gary and His Struggle with Schizophrenia:

Gary graduated high school in 1971 and enlisted in the military soon thereafter. He was in Vietnam for a short while (didn't see any action) and then was deployed in West Germany. Despite his poor vision, Gary became a great sharpshooter and earned a medal. However, as time progressed, his superiors started to believe that Gary was under the influence of drugs. Gary was also involved in a physical confrontation in the military, but was never arrested or charged with anything in relation to that. Eventually, as Gary became worse and worse, after a medical assessment, Gary was officially diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, at the age of 20. Gary was sent back to the US to go to Letterman Army hospital in San Francisco back in California. When Gary came home, his parents noticed that he was not the same person when he left. He had a severe personality change. Despite his diagnosis, Gary did not receive any treatment for his mental illness for the next 3 years, and over the following months and years, his mental state progressively worsened. Gary suffered heavily from delusions, hallucinations, such as hearing voices, and disorganized thought and behavior. These symptoms of schizophrenia are the most commonly known ones to the general public (I'll talk more about this later). It is important to note that his strong attachment toward his family did not diminish and this attachment resulted in him to escape more than one psychiatric hospital.
While he was in the Letterman Army hospital, Gary escaped, and walked 130 miles back to his home in Olivehurst. The army listed him as going AWOL (essentially, he left without permission). The army couldn't find him for several weeks until February 3, 1973, after a local resident contacted the Yuba County's sheriff's department to report an attempted sexual assault. That day, Gary had gone to visit a friend to watch TV with him. While they were watching TV, Gary got up and stated that he had to go to the bathroom. After a while, when Gary did not return, the friend started to look for him and found him, allegedly on top of his wife in bed, fondling her breasts. Later that same day, the police went to question Gary about the bizarre incident, but he refused to talk unless he had his lawyer present (I'm not sure if he even had a lawyer), so the police arrested him and took him to jail. Only eight days later, Gary began causing a disturbance, so three officers went to go check on him in his cell. When the officers opened the cell door, Gary darted out, completely naked. When a sergeant caught up to him, Gary punched him hard in the nose. It took 4 deputies to finally subdue him and take him to an isolated cell. When asked why he did punch the sergeant, Gary gave a strange, quite illogical, reply: "I've been in the army and I don't like it, and I thought if I hit a cop, maybe they'll let me out." In May, 1973, Gary pleaded guilty to battery of a police officer and the attempted sexual assault charge was dropped. Gary was sentenced to 6 months in Yuba County prison. He got his wish, though, and was finally discharged from the army in November, 1973.
Obviously, Gary did not receive any treatment for his schizophrenia during his time in jail, and one month after he was set free, he was named as a prowler at the homes of local residents. In 1974, he was admitted to Stockton state hospital for psychiatric treatment by the police, but, only two days after he was admitted, he escaped by climbing down a drainpipe, all the while still wearing his hospital gown, and ran/hitchhiked all the way back home to his parents. That same year, Gary was arrested for driving a sedan (that was previously involved in a hit and run) without headlights or taillights. I can't find how he was even able to get a hold of this car. He was then arrested once for driving without a license. Gary would also get arrested several times for "disturbing the peace." In another incident that happened in 1974, Gary's parents were able to convince him to let them take him to a psychiatric hospital to receive treatment. It was quite a long drive, and when they finally got there, Gary and his parents had a pleasant meeting with the staff of the hospital. Gary's parents left him at the hospital, and they drove back home. His parents were at home for only half an hour when Gary waltzed through the door. His mother said: "I've about came unglued!" while his step-father started laughing and asked him: "How the hell did you get here?" Gary replied to his step-father, by saying: "Well, I got on a train and jumped off the tracks right here."
However, Gary was able to stabilize briefly with the help of medication in 1975. Gary really wanted to go to college and begged his parents to let him go, even though they told him that he would not be able to handle the coursework. Eventually, Gary won, and his step-father went to Yuba College himself to sign Gary up. Gary, at first, was doing okay. Pretty soon after that though, he began to fail every single class because ... he couldn't handle the coursework, just like his parents told him. Instead of owning up to them though, and feeling ashamed at himself, he ran away to his grandmother's house up in Portland, Oregon, and was living with her for a short while. Gary's parents knew he was up there living with his grandma, but were unable to contact him for some time. However, eventually, Gary picked up the phone and his parents tried to persuade him to come home. Well, to say the least, five weeks after that phone call was made, a disheveled, filthy Gary walked up to his parent's house and knocked on the door. When his step-father opened the door, Gary looked at him and said: "I don't know who you are, but I think I'm supposed to be here." Gary later told his parents that he walked from Portland, Oregon all the way back to Olivehurst, which is a distance of about 550 miles, only sustaining himself by stealing milk left on porches and eating dog and cat food left outside.
Gary still did not get better... yet. Later that year, in 1975, he broke into a couple's home whom he knew from a long time ago as they used to be neighbors ten years back, in the middle of the night. When the couple asked him what he was doing at their house he told them: “I want my ring. I’m looking for Satan. He’s got my ring.” A lot of people who recount this incident claim that Gary was telling the couple that he had to find a ring to give to Satan, and also that he said to them that the house was his and they owed him money, but that part of the story is not true. Well, anyway, the couple chased him out of the house and when the police arrived, they found him just laying in the couple's backyard not really doing anything. One of the officers actually recognized Gary and asked him what he was doing. Gary told the cops that voices in his head told him to go to the house and break into the house in order to get his ring back from Satan because Satan allegedly stole his ring. Gary, however, made it perfectly clear to the cops that he did not intend on hurting anybody and that all he wanted was to get his ring back. He asked the cops to take him to jail, but instead, the officers sent him to get a mental health assessment, and while he was in a psychiatric hospital, he told the staff again that he wanted to be at the house because Satan had his ring, and he wanted his ring back to save his marriage. As you readers can probably tell, Gary was not married at this time and he never did marry. He also told staff that he was "tired of living in a graveyard."
In another incident, an intoxicated Gary was walking down the street and got himself involved in an altercation with a gang of youths. This altercation escalated real fast, and the youths threw Gary into a shop window and Gary slammed through the glass and fell onto the shop floor. Luckily for Gary, he only sustained minor injuries and although the cops knew who the perpetrators were, they did not arrest them. In another incident, Gary was found resting on the ground at a local cemetery ranting about Satan, and then was later found in the cemetery prowling around because he was "looking for a bible." In another incident, he stole a car that was in the parking lot of a mental health clinic (this car theft happened in May 1975).
In Part 2, I will explain Gary's actions and talk about why his actions do NOT paint him as a predatory/manipulative/evil person, as many people portray him as.
(All of my sources that I used to obtain all of this information is in Part 6 of my 6-part series)

For the sake of context, I’ve put in a lot of backstory. Sorry for the long read, I just wanted to explain that it’s not simply this situation that I’m upset about, but merely the fact that it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back in a way. TLDR at the end
I (20f) have always been into horses. I’ve been riding since I was 5. It was mostly lesson horses as we could not afford to get me my own and the lessons were off and on due to how often we moved.
Moving was something that happened a lot for me when I was younger, as my parents worked outages at nuclear power plants. While we owned a house in Georgia and stayed there during the off months, each time it was outage season we’d always have to pack up and generally live in our camper for months at a time. This meant I was constantly in new schools where I had no friends a few months into the year and slept on a pull out bed (the camper only had one real bedroom). Because of that I didn’t really have many friends or much of an average childhood experience growing up. I never complained, though, because my parents explained that they went on the road to have more money so they could afford nice things for me. My stepbrother(22m) on the other hand, lived with his mother and grandparents. The whole time growing up, he was able to stay in one place and have plenty of friends. My stepfather (who will be called my dad in this story bc my bio dad wasn’t around) didn’t want to make him leave his school and friends to come with us, so he only used his custody rights during the summer. My parents were big on not buying one of us something the other couldn’t have, so obviously he got the same treatment when it came to having nice clothes and belongings. This bothered me a little bit when I was younger, as I was very envious of the fact that he got to stay in one school with all his friends and play any sport he wanted, while I was constantly moving and had little to no friends and couldn’t take lessons during outage season. When I got a bit older, my parents began attempting to keep me in one place. Each time at the beginning of a school year, my father would go off to work outages and my mother and I would stay at our house in Georgia and they’d promise me that I’d get to finish a whole year there. Then inevitably we’d join my dad on the road halfway through a school year again. They’d promise me it was the last time, promise me that THIS year would be the year, and the cycle continued. The older I got, the harder traveling became. It’s a lot easier to make new friends when you’re only in the first grade or so. At that age, pretty much everyone is friends. Finally when I was in 6th grade, I finished my first full year of school in one place. That’s when I was able to get my own horse and we stayed in Georgia until the end of my 7th grade year. Then, we moved to Kansas. I was pretty upset but at least I had my own horse and a few friends from when we’d worked outages there the year prior. I started and finished 8th grade there and then halfway through 9th grade, we moved to Texas and this time we didn’t have a place for my horse. My parents assured me that our family friend would be keeping her and taking care of her until we were able to have her in Texas, but a few months after we moved I found out they’d actually sold her. I was devastated. Not only was I now starting at a high school I’d never been to, but my parents had sold my horse after promising me they wouldn’t.
A year after I finished school, my father wanted to move to Kansas and my mother begged me to go with them, promising me that they’d buy a house with land and she’d buy me another horse. I agreed and moved back to Kansas, despite not being fond of the area, since I really wanted a chance to own a horse again and since the cost of living in the area is a lot lower than most places. They found a house with land and a barn and I was super excited, but a few months after purchasing the house, my dad started talking about turning the barn into a massive chicken coop (my mother loves chickens to a hoarding extent). When I brought the issue up to my mother, she claimed there’s not enough room in our pasture for a horse. The problem is, there’s plenty. I mean, the previous owners would not have built a four stall barn if there wasn’t room. The fact is, my father just dislikes horses. He’s told me multiple times that he “wasted so much money” (exact words) on my riding, despite never complaining at all about paying for my brother to play baseball, basketball, football, and play trumpet for band every year. In fact, he went to every game or concert my brother had when he could but has only seen me ride four times, despite having hundreds of opportunities to do so. It’s been a year since then and I finally figured out how to calculate the acreage of the pasture. As I had suspected, we have enough room for a horse. I confronted my mother and finally out of excuses, she gave in and admitted I was right but insists she doesn’t have the money for a horse now.
Now, in most circumstances this would be understandable. Horses are expensive. However, in the last year they bought a $10,000 hot tub, a new ford truck for my dad because he doesn’t want to get his 2022 Camaro dirty by driving it, a mini tractor (that they don’t use or have a use for), a frame for an older sports car with absolutely no engine or transmission, an 84 Chevy truck that just sits in what should be the pasture, two trailers that also just sit in the pasture, and what irks me the most: spent $16,800 paying my brother’s rent because he didn’t want to get a job. Plus, just last week they got my dad a 2013 mustang because he decided he didn’t like the ford truck he got 6 months ago anymore.
I feel like maybe I’m the asshole for being this upset when I’m an adult and should be buying my own horse, but it’s not even about the horse really. It’s about feeling like they never follow through with their promises to me and being fed up with my brother always seeming to get everything while I get the short end of the stick in comparison. For the sake of time, I left out some other examples of the unfair treatment in me vs my brother, but I’d be happy to explain more in the comments.
TLDR: My parents make false promises and say they can’t afford to buy me the horse they promised me, despite spending $16,800 on my brother’s rent because he didn’t want to work