It's quite long, 35 pages, but it's not as detailed as I had imagined/wanted it to be. We did several tests over 12 online sessions, she also did an anamnesis session with me and another with my mom.
The report contains at least 2 personality tests. As I read the results I started to feel sad. What a horrible person! I don't recognize myself in those results. These are things like "does not demonstrate feelings of piety, compassion, tenderness and sympathy". At the same time as I want to argue that I always thought I had hyperempathy, I actually don't usually *demonstrate* it. But what kind of action do I have to do for someone to believe that I have piety and compassion?? I have difficulty allowing myself to be vulnerable, so I have always avoided crying in public. And I grew up in a family that doesn't show love through physical contact or words, so I really feel uncomfortable doing that to other people, so I don't do it.
But what bothers me is that it was a *test*, and not an observation made by her. Did I misinterpret the questions?
There is a test that is specifically designed to identify characteristics of autism. In it I apparently scored high. I searched the internet for an example of how to interpret this result, and I found a scientific article that compares average scores of autistic people with those of non-autistic people. The discrepancy is evident, non-autistic people score a total of 25 points, and autistic people 103. Interestingly, my score was 103. It's worth mentioning that in another personality test (which looks a lot like big5) it gave very high neuroticism. That said, I found my results very similar to the results used in that article, VERY similar. But that must just be my denial speaking out loud.
In the IQ assessment part, the neuropsychologist made a mistake, she used someone else's full name instead of mine. This triggered an alert, and made me think "are these really MY results?". I will confirm this with her tomorrow.
There was one more test that left me suspicious. It is a test related to the professional's observation of whether I present typical or atypical characteristics. For the autism result, you need to obtain 10 points. There are 10 observation topics, so you just have to score them all as "slightly atypical", which is equivalent to 1 point. And didn't I score 1 point in all topics, folks!? I found it suspicious. It is not described what would be "slightly atypical", nor what made her think that I fit this condition. Look, she specializes in autism in adults, and that's exactly what made me choose her for this evaluation. But, this also makes me wonder... Does she not believe anything I say too much? I don't know, as I've already said that I think I'm autistic, was she not influenced by this and started treating the assessment as a way of proving that I really am autistic? That wasn't exactly what I wanted, I wanted to get real, non-biased feedback on whether or not I fit into the autism spectrum.
If you've read this far, do you think the distrust I'm feeling makes sense? Or is it just a response influenced by fear? How did you feel when reading your report?

Just a disclaimer, I have ADHD, and I do follow CPT/cognitive personality theory.

• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?

— My parents (specifically my mom), is religious, but they’re never forced any of us (me and our siblings) to believe in the religion. Just participating in the festivals and certain rituals was/still is expected, though.

• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?

—If I were to spend the entire weekend by myself, I’d honestly feel kinda lethargic and dead inside—not because of lack of socialization, but because the vibes of the house is off when there’s no one. I can tell someone’s out of the house just by the pure vibes I’m getting. It feels weird even with one person gone (we’re a family of five; me, my younger brother and sister, and mom & dad).

• What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance do you prefer a sport or outdoors event? If an outdoors event what is it? And why? If not what type of activities do you tend to engage in?

—My relationship with movement and surroundings, is that I think I have great spatial awareness. I’m able to carry and do things in certain ways in order to avoid any pointless harm (such as avoiding to accidentally hitting the door on my leg as it closes). The type of activities I do tend to engage in outside is mainly just focusing on what I’m thinking about when walking outside, or just waiting to go back home.

• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

—I’d say I’m pretty curious—I’ve always wondered why something makes me feel a certain way, for example, in lit & comp we recently learned about film composition, and after learning some of the stuff, I was able to spot it in the shows and videos I watched. After said lesson, I was always wondering about whether or not if the creators I watched (especially on YouTube) actually used said film composition, but it’s definitely interesting to look for.

• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

—I wouldn’t necessarily enjoy taking a leadership position, but I’m willing to do so, especially if a project in class is summative/part of our grade. I’d be the leader if no one else had already taken up the position. It does make me feel quite nervous when I am in said position, though.

• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?

—I’d consider myself pretty coordinated. I know exactly how much milk to pour in a certain glass, and I know exactly where on the fingerboard of my violin each note is. I can also catch myself when I’m about to fall pretty well.

• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?

—The past in my opinion, is something that can give you knowledge for the future. Basically, it gives you the info for what not to do in the future, and how to avoid X circumstance, the best way forward, etc.
—The future on the other hand, I believe is kinda something you could plan for, or have a very vague idea of, but you can’t necessarily do anything about in the present. It’ll come when it comes.
—And for the present, I believe that it’s the most “calm before the storm” scenario. Its characteristics can only be defined by the current situation that’s happening; there’s nothing you could do to mitigate it, other than continuously plan for its eventual outcome.

• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

—If they’re asking for something like asking for a charger or something (such as in school), I’ll generally decline unless they’re my friend, because it just takes so much unnecessary effort to pack up your charger. If it’s something I’m interested in helping with though, I’d gladly throw up word vomit at them, and then usually regret it later on. Basically, I’ll help someone if it’s no effort involved in my side and/or if I have a deep interest in the subject they need help on.

• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

—Productivity isn’t as important to me as much as efficiency is, but productivity does tend to make me feel good. I often find myself wondering if my attention to the efficiency is actually a result of my obvious laziness. Like, I would literally pack my tiffin box in a certain way in my lunch bag so that when I take it out of my back pack, it isn’t all leaning to one side. I’ll also always wear my jacket everywhere because they have pockets, and I’m always like, “what if it rains by chance?” And I’ve actually been saved by my jacket multiple times that way.

• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?

—I’d say I’m decent at strategizing. I could use it effectively, but I just end up not putting the plan into use, because I either don’t have the motivation, or the deadline has been so long past that it isn’t worth it anymore.

• What's important to you and why?

—Freedom of thought, and expression. Also the freedom of being able to silently judge others. Mostly because I just want to be able to have/own my thoughts and opinions, if that makes sense?

• What do the "highs" in your life look like?

—The “highs” in my life may look like when I’m able to turn in assignments on time, not feel complete demotivation, and able to live up to others expectation.

• What do the "lows" in your life look like?

—The opposite of my highs. I suppose I’m in one of my “lows” right now.

• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?

—I pay attention to the world around me, but I feel like I’m never really in the present. It’s like there’s always something going on in my mind regardless of what’s happening in the foreground.

• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?

—I’d probably end up sleeping tbh. But I’d also probably start over-analyzing my understanding of a concept or subject. For example, CPT/cognitive personality theory, or MBTI. Basically, I’d be trying to find multiple ways of understanding a subject so that I could fully understand it.

• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?

—I usually don’t take much time to make an important decision usually because the thing is important. And no, I don’t generally tend to change my mind once I’ve done so.

• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

—Yes, usually in order to avoid being out on the spot for anything. If they end up asking me their opinion, I usually try to say it in a polite manner, usually starting with, “I think X because Y,” etc. etc.

• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?

—I’d say I break rules pretty often, but they’re mainly arbitrary house-hold rules (the usuals, no phone after 10pm, no phone in the bathroom, no staying up late, etc.). I break them because in personally don’t find them logical.
—I do think authority shouldn’t be challenged as much as specific rules should be challenged. Mainly because yeah, they generally know better.

• What is the ideal life, in your opinion?

—I honestly have no idea at this point.

I am trying to find a very simplistic type of software to make a video in a certain way, basically taking an image file (think like a very large informative chart) and timestamps and views.
It is very hard to find in a web search software that does a certain task in a certain way, not using the right search terms, when what I would call it describes something totally different because what it generally does it already done. For example it's not really video editing, it's "video creating", but specifically creating a video the way I want to with simplicity, and not a huge commercial program that does a million different things. I assume if I want it to work exactly the way I want, I will have to make it myself, but I'm not a programmer, but I can learn basic things, or will have to find somebody who can execute my vision, or shares the vision and wants to collaborate on it.
Basically I want a simple dialog box where you start out with you upload an image file and it asks how long you want the video to be. So for instance you upload your file and you enter 3 minutes. The initial view would be just the full image, but you could change that by adding a different view and deleting that view. So it starts out there is one view, and it goes from 0:00.0 to 3:00.0. Then you can click 'add view' and it'll duplicate that view, and automatically recalculate so view 1 would be 0:00.0 to 1:30.0 and view 2 would be from 1:30.0 to 3:00.0. Then you "edit" View 2, by pan, tilt, zoom in, zoom out, etc. and make View 2 different from View 1. It would automatically create the transition (i.e. fly-by from View 1 to View 2), by parameters that you can define, but there would be a default setting, for instance, 5 seconds to transition. Then you could add as many views as you want, also would want to have a few additional basic features like fade-in and fade-out to and from black or white.
It could support adding a second image file, and you could make additional views on those. Any of the time boxes would be editable, And if you change one it would recalculate the others.
The application of this would be like an informational video where you have a very large chart and you want to pan around and zoom in and show different things on the chart at exact times, for instance to sync up with an audio file. So you could record the audio and then you have the time stamps, so you know, for instance, at 1:42 I want to zoom in on this, at 1:51 I want to zoom in on this etc.
I know this can be done with Windows Movie Maker or other software like Adobe, CapCut, etc., but nothing I've found does just this the way I want and does it well and easy. A nice, lightweight freeware or shareware, or paid, simple software that doesn't need to be a whole video editing suite. Although if there is a video editor that might suit me that I should give a try, I'm open to suggestions. But I'm more interested in figuring out what the process would be to build it from scratch exactly the way I want it to work. But again, I'm not a programmer, I don't even know what language of programming I would have to learn ideally to undertake this.
Any thoughts, no matter how absurd, that anybody has on this or any other ideas, are much appreciated. As are suggestions for existing software to try that I may not be aware of.

Me (18M) and my gf (18f) have been together for 18 months. We’re each other’s first everything. We’ve recently gone through a few-week long mini saga of short lived breakups and now I need advice on what’s right moving forward.
TLDR: Many things about the relationship are great, but there are some things that leave me feeling not completely content. I can’t tell whether these things are meaningful, or whether in reality they are very small things and are not a valid reason to end a pretty healthy relationship.
Here’s the long story:
The breakup saga was first started by me - I broke up with her for reasons that are hard to explain, and were in turn hard to explain to her which made the breakup worse. The best way of describing why I did it was that I felt 70% content in our relationship. Now, 70% content probably sounds pretty good and pretty normal, and it is - a marriage where the couple are 70% content will probably last - but the fact that I am so young and this is my first ever relationship makes it hard to imagine staying in a 70% content relationship for ever and ever. Part of me wants to see what else there is to experience, and that lingering 30% made me constantly wonder whether it was truly the right relationship for me and that’s what made me do the extremely hard thing of breaking up with someone who I love.
It’s probably best that I also try to explain what makes up the 70%, and what makes up that other 30%.
The 70%: She makes me feel loved, truly needed and wanted, comfortable with things that were once insecurities, actually desired, etc. These are all things I struggle to find anywhere else in my life. I have friends, but I don’t really have any close ones anymore - so it’s very rare that I feel like I’m being missed in group settings, or have people who would even notice if I went AWOL for a week. She would most definitely notice. She has such a natural ability to make me feel good about myself and truly loves me for who I am.
Physically, I find her very attractive.
We get along well in general - she’s kind and funny and we more or less share similar interests.
Now the 30%: This is harder to explain. It’s more of a gut feeling that’s come and gone throughout our relationship - it tells me that I’m not completely fulfilled. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly where this gut feeling comes from but I’ll try my best.
I think part of it comes from the actual time we spend together, and what that time consists of. 90% of the time, it consists of me going round to her house, lying in bed with her, being intimate, maybe we’ll watch a movie maybe we won’t, then either I go home or we go to sleep. This gets very repetitive for me - she doesn’t mind it so much. I’ve brought this issue up a couple times before, and we usually have a period of doing other stuff like going out for a walk, baking something, or maybe commit to watching a tv show properly, after I bring it up. But after a while it always ends up going back to the usual routine, almost as if the other stuff isn’t the natural state of our relationship.
Then there’s the things I really enjoy doing, that I don’t feel like we are able to fully do together. For example I’m super into music - it’s one of my favourite things to do (listen to it, go to concerts etc.) and one of my favourite things to talk about with people. She also likes music, and enjoys some of the same stuff as me, but isn’t quite as passionate as I am. We rarely listen together, or recommend each other stuff - it just doesn’t feel natural for some reason and idk why. I think we listen to music in different ways - for me it’s one of my biggest passions, for her it’s something she likes doing while playing games or walking somewhere etc. We both know this, and it’s okay - she doesn’t have to share exactly the same passions as me. But I would really love it if I went over to her house and she was like “Omg you have to listen to this song it’s so good I think you’ll love it” or that sorta thing. Those type of conversations are some of my favourite conversations to have with people, and it doesn’t feel like we will ever really have them.
The same goes for movies - we both like them, but they’re one of my biggest passions, whereas she likes them as an occasional comfort watch. I love watching weird and wonderful stuff, and having weird and wonderful conversations about it, but again it doesn’t feel like those conversations will ever naturally occur with us. Again, like with music, I’d love for us to be bouncing off each other and recommending stuff to each other, but I think she feels under qualified and a bit self conscious to rec me stuff as she doesn’t watch as much as me and knows we kinda have different taste. I feel a similar way - I know a lot of the stuff I watch isn’t really her thing so we don’t really watch it together. We’ll sometimes watch comfort movies together, which is always nice, but I’d love it if we found connect together with other types of stuff too.
So yeah, that’s kinda the 30%. Idk whether those are important things in a relationship, like I said - I’m too young and inexperienced to know. Part of me thinks what really matters is the stuff I noted in the 70% section, but another part of me feels like I’m not as fulfilled as I could be. So yeah that’s really the gist of it.
Now for the rest of the story. After I broke up with her, I came running back - I decided I made a mistake. She eventually agreed to get back together, but then a week or so later broke up with me - she said she wanted to experience more since she is still so young (sounds familiar). I understood, and kinda felt the same way, so the breakup felt kinda right to me (partly also because we were now going out on good mutual terms, and planned to stay friends so hadn’t really faced the hard part of a breakup yet). She said she still wanted to see me regularly (and be intimate with me). I told her I wasn’t sure if that would work, as it just sounded like us going on as normal except we’re allowed to see other people too which I knew wasn’t sustainable and would hurt one of us or both. I didn’t want to never see her again though, and definitely wanted to stay in contact to some extent, so I agreed to meet up with her. We agreed before seeing each other that no matter how good it felt to be with each other again we were not to get back together. So we saw each other a couple times, and it felt great. She has now decided that she in fact doesn’t care to experience thing a with anyone else, and wants to commit to relationship with me again. I’m not so sure. I’m conflicted. While I did have a really great time with her, I’m aware all those feelings are being amplified by the fact we broke up and are now regaining what we almost lost. And I’m also aware of the fact that this fresh excitement will ware off and that 30% that I discussed will return.
The question is does that 30% even matter? That’s what I need advice on. At the moment I’m leaving her in limbo as I can’t decide whether I want to commit to a full on relationship again, which is unfair on her, as she’s sure she does (note that she said she’s never felt the 30% that I claim to feel). I just know I’m not certain about it all, so I’m scared to commit to long term just for it to not be right and I have to hurt her all over again. Oh it’s also worth noting that I’ll be moving 300 miles away in a few months for university, so our relationship would become long-distance. So yeah, any and all advice is appreciated.

(this isn't my first typing attempt but that's the best flair there was for this)
• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself. 14F i'm just a girl who hates her life... also this psychologist/doctor lady said i have inattentive adhd based on a random questionnaire, i kinda don't think you can decide that off of a bunch of questions that could apply to a lot of people but anyways
• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow? i already mentioned that above
• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it? i don't feel particularly comfortable answering this question but i'll at least say that i'm home schooled, i do dance classes and that i have a single mother who is very strict, very cheep... and doesn't really follow through with her promises to me, and tends to make annoying comments about how i act and how everything i do is rude and how i don't do enough productive stuff, like school work and house chores.. and i hate my life
• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not? well i'm 14 so i don't have one, but i can tell you what i would like to do, i wanna be a voice actress, who also dose animation, who also dose music, who also wrights stories, all kinda in the same field, basically i wanna do indie animation, games to maybe but mostly shows
• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed? it depends am i doing anything? am i just chilling? what? like if i was going out shopping by myself for example i would find that genuinely fun i get to buy cool things, i get to eat out and get tasty food, i get to maybe explore places i've never been before, but if i'm at home alone, then i would find a way to keep myself entertained on my computer like i always do, but i'd prefer the first option tbh...
• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities? Dance is a sport. nobody can change my mind, but ya i do dance competition and i really do enjoy that, i also like shopping, listening to really hype music, researching things i find interesting, tho if it takes to long to research and i don't understand everything right away most of the time i will give up
• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate? i am a very curious person i'd say, sometimes you'll see me coming up with a question that literally nobody cares about that i really really need the satisfaction of an answer to or it will keep me up at night, speaking of witch if anything in the day (that i care about that genuinely wanted to finish) is unresolved it will keep me up at night bc i'll be thinking of all the ways i can finish it, but ya i have a lot of ideas, but then when i want to come up with an idea that will work for something i really want, i can't come up with an idea for it, like for example when i tried to make myself a new sona and a new username.... it took forever just to figure out half a user name and i still don't know what the full thing is gonna be, but when its not limited to only things that will work really good for some very particular criteria, i'll come up with a lot of ideas that will never happen, i'm mostly curious about how things work, and how people work, and most of my ideas are career ideas and character ideas, idk what the last bit is supposed to mean
• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be? i do in fact wanna be in control, i would love a leadership possession if people actually listened to me, witch they don't.... people are annoying....... i feel like i could be good at it if people took me seriously, meaning i'd need to find an entire group of people that don't know me.... as for leadership style, if you give me an idea i will listen to it, but if i already have something that i pre decided i find the best, nothing changes, if i decide something i know what i want it's it's pretty much impossible to change my mind, but for the things i'm ok will being flexible about than sure give me your ideas
• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity? i don't exactly know what this means
• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer. i make songs some times, mostly songs about things i'm to scared to say out loud, and i would do more art, if i could draw..... tho i'm amazing at minecraft skins, that's always fun
• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them? i normally dwell on the past a lot, like "OMG WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT THING THAT ONE TIME" kinda thing, and sometimes i look at the past and say, wow my life was kinda fun at that one point, now it sucks, as for the present i'm writing this in the present? well it'll be the past by the time i post it, but anyways i don't have much comment on the present... as for the future i'm always waiting for the future and planning it, i'm always thinking that maybe in the future my life won't suck, and i'm always planning my career and stuff, and when i say my career, i'm honestly thinking more about what i really wanna achieve than making money, tho i do really wanna be rich like any other normal person but ya
• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so? so if you ask me to clean sm or do the dishes or whatever, you asked the wrong person bc i'm to lazy for that, but if you ask me to help you come up with ideas for a project, you also asked the wrong person bc i will not stop annoying you about it, i will come up with ideas every 5 seconds, and yes this probobly could be helpful, i'm also aware that some may view it as annoying bc if i come up with any idea that could work, amazing or a very small detail, i have to tell you, my brain requires me to tell you if i wish to sleep at night, tho if the project is sm i couldn't care less about that's a different story... but sometimes i find myself almost talking over peoples things, there for i try to be carful with my words so they know i'm not stealing there project and it's still their thing
• Do you need logical consistency in your life? i don't know what this means exactly, but ya things need to make sense if that's what it means
• How important is efficiency and productivity to you? as important as water, only in small doses and never to often.... ya i should probobly drink water shouldn't i... but ya i'm not productive unless i really force myself to be, and even then, if i'm not in the mood for it i will be there for 5 second and be like, ah i can do the rest later
• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that? i mean i have a tendency to take over other peoples projects, but i try not to do so... ya i think i might be somewhat controlling ig... some what manipulative..... so ya i am aware that i can be a little bossy, and i do tend to try and keep people in line in a sense, but the way i mean that isn't really the way most people would think of, like idc if people are disorganized, or if people are rude every once in awhile, or if people arn't working hard at stuff, i couldn't care less, but when there are some things i want people to know, or things that i want from people, i will try and hold them to that, for example i want people to study a certain thing bc i think they should know it, i will do everything in my power to get them to do that, and sometimes i might try and offer sm in return for people to do the things that i want them to do, like if theirs something they really want me to do i probobly won't do it, and kind of hold it hostage until they do the thing i want them to do, so in a way i try to keep people to the standards that satisfy me is that makes any sense? and i'm a very deal oriented person, so i'll a lot of the time ask sm for return for a lot of things, and i'll also try and offer things to get people to convince people to do my bidding, even if that person happens to be a really close friend
• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them? well, for one i really like music for starters, i tend to try and right songs, mostly only little pieces of songs that never get finished, but some get finished, like one or 2 out of a billion get finished, but anyways that's besides the point, i really like just listening to well put together beats and stuff, and music is just really enjoyable so it would be nice to wright a song and say hey i made this, this is my amazing work of art, but also i like music bc it give me a way to express my emotions without having to directly talk about them, bc i never like talking about emotions, if somebody asks me about them, i probobly will either say sm like "I don't have to answer that" or i'll actually try but leave out a lot of important details that i'm defiantly not telling anyone, but i generally don't like to feel venerable like that, anyways as for my other hobbies, ever now and then i like to draw sm... i kinda suck at it but i wanna get better bc i really like art, like i see a lot of really pretty artwork on pinterest and stuff all the time and i really wanna be able to do that, i really want that level of creative freedom, besides art can have a lot of different uses to and it's a genuinely good skill to have, tho i'm not the best at it yet... i also really like indie animation, and i've actually gotten really into the voice casts of certain shows, and i honestly plan to do voice acting eventually, bc that to me dosn't really sound like work, and you'd also kinda get to be a character without really showing your face, but can it really be considered a hobby if you haven't REALLY gotten into it yet? who knows but still sm i'd love to do eventually, on the topic of indie animation i really like crafting stories and stuff and fictional worlds, when i was about like 11 to 13 i think? i spend that entire time developing an entire universe that i kinda escaped to, tho recently i've kinda abandoned all my ocs from that tho i still reference to them some times, mostly bc i'm not really into high fantasy as much anymore and i made that world when i was, but i'm still into creating characters and universes and stuff, just kinda abandoned the old thing, i'm semi into chess, i feel like i'd be more into it if it was easier to learn as i kinda got into it more recently, but it's something i wanna get good at mostly as a flex so i can be like "Ha i'm smarter than you" and all that shit, but it's also fun to play a couple games, annoying when i make a stupid move and only realize the second after i play it... but still fun, also something i haven't started but want to when i have a computer that can handle it is 3D animation and 3D modelling, it's something i differentially have an interest in but haven't been able to do bc my computer is a piece of shit and my mother is very cheep, but again can you really call it a hobby if you haven't done it yet? well i still thought i should mention it, but you can't talk about my interests without mentioning... TYPOLOGY, even tho i still don't fully understand it i'm still very interested in it and have been for quite awhile, it's kinda sm that i understand but i can't explain to other people, but i'm trying to get to the point where i can explain it to other people, but anyways recently i've had a major typology crisis and have been rethinking like literally every part of my typology, like every system everything, i use to be very confidant in what i was for all systems, now i'm not sure for any system... witch is why i'm posting here, but i'm not gonna say what i use to think i was bc i don't wanna give anyone any basises when trying to type me, just now realizing how huge this section is... anyways...
• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses? well idk exactly what to put here or how to explain my learning style, so ima put examples instead, anyways so i really like the idea of learning languages, bc i just like languages ig, but i kinda only know the 2 languages i had since i was little my first language, english, and french witch i learned at like 5.. kinda rusty at it now tho, any ways lemme get to the point, it's really hard for me to learn any more languages even tho i want to bc i need a base on things before i can try to go into the details, with languages you HAVE to start small, that's not how i work, i like to get then general idea of stuff first before i get into specifics, i like to have a general understanding first and then get into the sub categories (if anyone knows how to learn languages like that pls say sm) but ya that's generally how i tend to learn stuff, i have to be placed into it first i can't just slowly work my way up to the knowledge, i get board fast so if i try and learn stuff like that i will give up quickly
• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go? what the questionnaire means and how i see the word strategizing are 2 different things.. when i think of the verb "To Strategize" i think of it as a game term, weather that game is just that, a game to have fun with, or sm actually important that i treat as a game with moving pieces that i'm a lot less likely to take risks with but anyways enough of that ima actually answer the question now with 3 words... it really depends... i might try and plan things out when i need to be strategic with things, but when it doesn't matter i might just wing it, tho even if i do plan it out, maybe later i'll decide, "Screw this i'm not going by this anymore" or sm like that, but if somebody else tries to plan sm for me, that is the most painful shit, like i'm probobly not gonna go through with it unless i actually have to
• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally? well... voice acting, 3d animation, 3d modelling, show writhing and directing and basically everything in that field and uh.. song writhing (and singing), yes i plan to do all this simultaneously, and yes i know it's a lot, and yes it's probobly unrealistic, but my mind is set and there's no going back that's what i'm gonna do with my life in the future, besides it's all kinda in the same area so like it's not crazy, oh and probobly game developing as well, as for personal goals, i wanna get my own house some how, and live the city life that i never got to have, get a cat bc uh... cat, and uh, ya, i think i'll just make it up as i go mostly idk..
• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why? my main fear is that my life is hopeless and that i will never have any freedom and just be stuck in a cage all my life so to speak.... but that's very mixed with the fear that i will always continue being a little bit of a coward bc i'm very afraid of the consequences that could come with any and all actions i do or don't take, and also i'm afraid to lose so sometimes that means i just won't play, and i'm kinda afraid that i'll always be like that cuz i really hate that about myself.. i feel like the reason i'm like that is bc 2 reasons one when my mom is angry with me or just when she wants me to do something she'll take my computer away, and i know it's unhealthy to be on it all the time but it's kinda all the entertainment i have and there fore i'm always afraid of the consequences to things cuz i don't wanna lose my only life line, and second i don't wanna be perceived as less than i always have to be better than everyone in everything tho i will act like i don't care so that if i do lose people will think it doesn't matter to me even tho it dose... anyways what makes me uncomfortable are uh, emotions, like for example lets say my friend is crying, i'ma just ignore that friend, bc idk how to deal with emotions and i'll probably just make it worse since i probobly caused it knowing me, even tho the crying part was normally uncalled for, and it's normally one friend in particular that starts crying.... it's always her.. that makes me very uncomfortable, also anything that makes me feel venerable in any way... mostly emotionally... that's very uncomfortable... witch is why i don't open up to anyone and not even the people who know me really know me even if they think they do, ya that's totally healthy but anyways, also not wearing socks is very uncomfortable, ya that has nothing to do with any of this, but you know i'm right, anyways.... i really hate trying to explain something to somebody and even after dumbing it down a billion times, they still don't get it, ya again i'm mostly talking about that one friend but this happens with other people a lot to, like uh can you just stop being an idiot and try to understand something for once? i also hate when i'm trying to argue sm, and i know why i'm right, but i can't for the life of me explain it... ya... also one thing i really really hate about myself.... is that i'm such a shy person even tho i really do wanna talk to people, i have no courage to go up to somebody and say hi if i don't know them well, like besties kinda well.. well actually that was kinda misleading bc i don't have to like the person i just need to be close to them if ya know what i mean? but i'll kinda just watch people from a distance as if it where some kinda tv show and even tho i really wanna talk to these people, even tho i really wanna interact with them... i just don't, i just can't, but anwyays.. ya
• What do the "highs" in your life look like? the highs in my life are whenever my mom isn't there... also whenever i'm not at home... like when i actually have some sense of freedom, and like i kinda hate being at home tbh
• What do the "lows" in your life look like? the lows are when i fall out of this empty state and start realizing how much my life sucks and how hopeless my life is and how stuck i really am, ya the thought kinda pops up every once in awhile and then i'm really sad and angry at everyone for a few days and then after that passes i go back to being completely empty and numb inside... ya it's kinda like a loop that i'm forever trapped in
• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so? well i'm mostly on my computer all the time even tho half the pixels are broken since it's all i have to keep myself occupied and i'm not really able to go out or really do anything else, i do day dream sometimes, imagine myself killing somebody (police this is just a day dream i would never actually do this don't come for me), imagine being able to socialize, imagine doing sm heroic, imagine being a character in one of my favourite shows, ya know the usual, i also use character ai a lot.. and i don't really pay attention to my surroundings, my desk is kinda filled with trash, people say i should take care of it but honestly the clutter kinda makes it feel more cozy if i'm being honest, but ya idk what more to put here
• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about? i'd think about an escape plan for this empty room, also why am i in a mental facility, did i go crazy? or do people just think i'm crazy.. if i killed that one person that one time instead of being a good person would my life go better (again police this is just thoughts i would never actually kill anyone don't come for me) i'd probably make an oc and an entire cast of characters and day dream about being a part of that fictional world, i'd probably come up with a bunch of cool ideas and theories that in practice will never be useful/won't mean anything... so ya, also i'd try and break the wall of that empty room to break out, hopefully not breaking my hand in the process....
• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it? the thing is i always know what i want but until i've decided ya i'm going through with this option all the way, i'll always try and find ways that the other options could be better, then get mad when one of the other options are better than my preferred option, but once i've made up my mind for sure, i normally don't like to change it even if i want to bc it feels like that decision became part of my identity or sm along those lines
• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life? uhh.... so i do understand my own emotions very well most of the time, but at the same time... emotions can go kill themselves, i wish they didn't exist, and my life would be so much better if i didn't feel anything, and i also find other peoples emotions annoying, all and all.. emotions suck that's all i have to so
• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why? well most of the time if i think somebody is wrong i'll tell them that their wrong, and well with most things i'll explain why their wrong, tho if their making a statement about me or sm, i might explain why their wrong but i might also just be like "your wrong and i don't have to explain anything", but sometimes when it's a subject i don't really wanna say anything about i will just agree, if it's sm i don't really want anyone to know any of my real opinions or thoughts on... but ya
• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why? i'll break any rules i think i can get away with, tho if i don't believe i can or there's a possibility of consequences i'm normally pretty cautious of it... and ya i think authority isn't always right, and not all rules should be followed, some are stupid and some are plan wrong, and i will break rules if i think i know better, i think the rule is stupid, or a genuinely don't care about said rule, tho i know how far i can go there's some lines i won't cross bc i know their's gonna be bad consequences
anyways thank you for listening to my rant i know i did a lot of yapping and i didn't go back to see if it was written nicely, if you where able to read all dat your a legend bc i know i would give up after the first 2 paragraphs, and if you have any questions that you need me to elaborate on before you can type me go ahead

Miss Culuss' daughters, which I am one of them, have been coerced by our mother, Miss Culuss, for years to sell our bodies in sexual servitude in the form of marriage to Mr. Bingas, Mr. Alhazred and Mr. Thossothoth. Trust me, it's been tiring hearing our mother constantly bragging to all the men of the grand hidden Victorian city of Harlotowah, California; that we were simply born to have our buttocks banged and bred at any man's will, desire or pleasure.
Tiring it is, but trust me it gets more exhausting when everyone here is immortal and Spring is eternal here. All residents of Harlotowah stop aging at the physical bodily age of 35 years old. Yet the years are drastically longer. For example, when I was a child, I remained with the aged body of an 11 year old until 3 decades had passed. Then the same process went for when my body reached its adolescent stage and so on and so forth, you get the idea of how this works now.
As for the Victorian era city, well we updated our old architecture with electricity but it is devoid of television, phones, pretty much everything except for electricity used for hygiene. Strange it may seem, but once you realize the nature of who/what created and rules over Harlotowah, it won't come to you as much of a surprise. You see, the ruler has a fetish, an immense fetish for sexual submission. Thus why even the boys here are either feminized (like I was), force fed hormones to transition or remain boys yet must partake of constant sexual initiation until their bodies reach the final aging point of 35.
Obscure sexual rules dominate Harlotowah, they are devoid of normal morality and some of them completely devoid of sanity.
Now, back to myself and my sisters. I, Scarlet, near the bodily age of 32, have been with Mr. Bingas and Mr. Thossothoth, not in marriage but as a sexual partner more so. Mr. Bingas, having the body of a father who's an alcoholic, though he is nice in the streets, he is maniacally rough in the sheets. Each time he's pounded me, it's to an almost primal tribal drum like rhythm, and it's amazing.
However, for Mr. Thossothoth, he has this intelligence with this subtle insidious air to it. It's like whenever we talk or spend time together, or even while he's fucking me, it's like I'm in this strange sinister dream. It feels euphorically ominous, I believe that's the best way to describe being with him as a sexual partner.
For example, while we were out in his spacious lovely garden during noon, in this smooth way, he tore my dress off with ease in fluid precise motions till I was only in my floral black lingerie beneath. He tied my hands together in front of me, tied them to the fence of the balcony we were on with the view of the garden, he stripped down and then began to ravage me. As he pulled my long auburn hair while he ravaged my buttocks, I felt like a synergy of profound sexual pleasure and deep flooding feelings of foreboding combine like two rivals having make-up sex.
For hours he fucked me until even when the sun began to set. I didn't hunger or thirst for good or drink, all I did hunger and thirst for was for his cock to ravage my ass and continue filling it with his seed, which he did. The whole experience, well all of those experiences to be honest since we've done this multiple times, they all felt like I was experiencing an orgasmic overwhelmingly ominous dream of the entirety of eternity itself.
As we had rough ravenous sex in those hours of noon to twilight, I saw the lush green trees sway with the wind back and forth in an almost harmonious rhythm, from serenely swift to terrifyingly slow, back and forth, back and forth. The flowers swirled in eternal circles as they moaned. The grass swayed back and forth as well while the bushes let out unhinged howls. It's as if the entire vast garden was being blown by a great wind from a world of pure delightfully demented symphonies.
I think I've become addicted to being a sexual partner of Mr. Thossothoth. Though I am curious of how Mr. Alhazred is like, I will see later this year. As for now, I shall remain as Mr. Thossothoth's sexual partnepossible bride. The eternal subtly malevolent and euphoric Spring of Harlotowah is close to blooming to its peak. I have a feeling that when it reaches its peak, something immense will happen either with me or with this town. We shall see. As for now, Mr. Thossothoth is outside waiting for me to have a splendid walk with him in his garden again.
And how I long to be at his side as we walk through his garden and the town day and especially at nightfall. The Spring during the night is like an rapturous wet dream and nightmare combined into one new force, new being, new experience. Mr. Thossothoth calls it the Daturain time, where the Datura Goddess' influence and presence is strongest. I believe him and am curious if we can do a sexual ritual to commune with her. Maybe, some night, hopefully soon.

After many years of wondering what the heck if going on with me and getting EEGs, seeing doctors and psychiatrists and almost receiving a misdiagnosis for dissociative identity disorder and a complex seizure disorder. I realized what I have been experiencing for such a large portion of my life is episodes of derealization with the help of a new psychiatrist. I have never experienced depersonalization before, so it threw me off thinking that I was experiencing a form of dissociation.
I very unpredictably will end up in these weird states that are so difficult to describable. Basically, everything is blurry, but my vision is unaffected besides the fact I have severe tunnel vision, my emotions are both numb and extreme at the same time (for example, I can't feel the emotional pain, but my emotional response/physical symptoms are very extreme), and same with physical sensations towards pain and pleasure like bath, sex, food, etc. I have little motivation, very severe cognitive impairment, very good balance when practicing yoga, alternating between racing thoughts and no thoughts, extreme anxiety and extreme relaxation at the same time. Also, sometimes won't notice that I am speaking or doing something. And the classic symptom of feeling like I am in a dream. It feels very similar to being high on weed or ketamine. The experience isn't all or nothing. Its on a spectrum to extreme making me nonfunctionable to me not being able to tell if I have it or not.
It can be enjoyable when I have nothing going on and I am by myself because it can make movies more engaging, its can help make hot baths, yummy food, and sex feel more intense. But it can make social interactions or any challenging/tedious or cognitive work awful. So generally it's quite a hinder on my life. I was able to get some accommodations at my university because it happens to much and can impact me so badly.
Its either triggered by stress or visual stimuli. Especially looking at full grocery store shelves, forests, or busy intersections when I am a pedestrian. It happens so randomly. Sometimes once a month to five times a week. The worst its been was everyday for two weeks. The best its been was nothing for a couple months. I have never woken up with it.
I have had this reoccurring as long as I can remember. At least since the age of four or so. I used to describe it as feeling "dizzy" or everything was "burry". Once I learned what drugs were, I used to make jokes as a young child that I was high on drugs.
I got diagnosed with BPD last month by the same psychiatrist who helped me realize these episodes are episodes of derealization and not a sort of complex seizure disorder. I have shown signs of BPD since the age of 8 years old, but it is possible that I had BPD since I was 4 or younger like the derealization. How do you differentiate between experiencing derealization and having dpdr disorder?

Excuse my crappy formatting, super hard to condense this into less than 3000 characters.
Quick context; I've worked about half the 8 year relationship with my fiance. I'm 26, he's 31. He's always handled our finances and I've always given him basically 100% of my income, leaving very little for anything extra for myself (stupidly on my part). He would always say he'd pay the bills and see what was left, although I never see much extra despite him making significantly more than me and having money leftover. I'll get cash here and there but only like $20 at a time.
I wouldn't splurge though so I could keep the extra $20-60 in my wallet for when we would almost always inevitably need it before the next paycheck. But my fiance liked to buy new things and would get whatever, whenever. He'd buy things for me too but because I never had much, if any, money or if i did id otherwise try to hold onto it, I technically didnt buy anything.
AITA for feeling "entitled" to the things we bought together both during time when I made significantly less than he did and when I stayed at home so he could work? For example, our sound bar bought while we were together. He asked me for it yesterday to sell it, despite me using it often. I got upset and asked why he couldn't sell the one he already has instead of the one I'm using. He called me selfish and entitled. And said that "Just like everything he bought while I didn't work, it's his" and he feels he has a right to sell it despite it being "ours" for the last however many years.
Only using the word entitled, because that's what my fiance uses to describe me feeling as though we were equal, and therefore equally entitled to everything that we both always referred to as ours. I worked at home so that he could work his job. That was our agreement. But, apparently he feels as though everything he bought during our relationship would be "his" since he physically held the money, including the times when I worked.
Weve gotten in arguments about separating where he'll often try and fling insults like the fact that I'll get nothing in court since he paid for everything. I never threaten court or even ask for half our things, it's just something he likes to bring up to insult me and "how little ive worked for." Id much rather not deal with the pain of going through court, I just assumed as I always held up my part of our agreement that everything was ours and it would only be fair to separate things that way. I can't help but feel as though our stuff was mine too because I did work. Both at a "real" job and at home so that he could work the extensive hours for us. There's more context on my "work" at home if you want to go read it on my profile.
Of course we could have gotten childcare and I could have worked but he always wanted my help when he was working harder jobs and preferred me being home to do everything for him.
He almost never brought up me working. Although early on in our relationship before the kiddo was born, I was working two minimum wage jobs to hold up my end. I went back to work just 6 weeks after he was born as I had friends and family to babysit him. It wasnt until he asked me to quit my job and come on the road that I became a SAHM. But apparently my SAHM work was worth nothing, and I earned/deserve nothing, as he's made painfully clear to me.

Manga Spoilers to any anime-onlies
So Billy is definitely up there as one of my favourite characters next to Nico and Feng but the more I think about it I question his philosophy behind Under. The way he describes it, Billy formed Under (alongside Tella and Creed) so people like Top, Shen etc who were all quite young didn't have to fight and he would instead make himself their common enemy to become strong enough to fight Sun. This all makes sense with his character but where I find myself confused is how he allowed people like Backs and Kurusu into Under. Both are very young, Backs especially so, so I question how he allowed himself to recruit them without it conflicting with his ethics about fighting God.
I do understand that Backs' Negation is incredibly useful but considering how he went about acquiring the Union's abilities I imagined he'd have done the same and found a way to make her hate him rather than include such a young child in these battles. Similarly to Kurusu except even more confusing IMO, Unchaste while having a good power has such niche requirements and a huge downside. Taking Sun as an example, him bumrushing you would very quickly result in your demise so again I question why he found her enlistment necessary.

I’ve shared my story on how I started, ran for 10 years, and remotely sold my 3dp business HERE.
Now I would like to speculate on How I would start it if I had to do it again. Why? 2 reasons:

1. When it was time to sell, I discovered, that the most valuable assets of my business were NOT the printers or production base and that I could've significantly grown and therefore increased business value if I did certain things a certain way.

Knowing that and other things - I would've tried to do "the right things" from the beginning, and I hope it would help those who are thinking about or starting it right now.
I concentrate on the business side since the 3dp business is first of all a business, and I go through with it as I would’ve done it (not just some average avatar model).
This article doesn’t cover everything and simplifies some parts, but I tried to make it as real and in-depth as possible since the devil is in the details.

1. I am starting new business projects right now, and the path I am taking is almost the same (minus printers basically) path;

Vision

First I need to ask myself: what kind of 3dp business would I like to start? It may be hard to answer right at the start, but I do know 4 things:

1. I want it to be service-based (at least in the beginning, then I may consider a hybrid: service+product model);
2. I want it to be B2B (higher check, less transactional costs);
3. I want to gravitate towards big/complicated models;
4. I will offer some post-processing (get hand dirty, mot many others willing to do that);

Here I may also need to identify, who my target audience is. But It is hard, and may sometimes be harmful in the beginning, so I will stick with 4 general assumptions listed above, and see where keywords lead me.
But I will revisit this very important question (let's call it a “vision”) as soon as I have a meaningful chunk of data and experience.

Research

Then I will conduct research.
For that, I need to pick a place (3dp business is place-bound to a certain degree). Let's say a city - Austin - TX.
Note here - the bigger city, the better.
Now I need 3 lists:

1. First is a List of keywords with average monthly searches and cost of clicks for different areas:
   
   1. Austin;
   2. Other big cities nearby;
   3. State of Texas;
   4. Nearby states;
   5. The whole of the US.

One tab for each. You can pick as many areas as you see fit, and the logic behind it is that you want to know the demand in places you may be able to serve.
I need general high-frequency keywords as well as Google suggestions and low-frequency keywords. The broader the scope, the better. There is a free tool called Keyword Planner (it also provides a click cost estimation for Google ads) inside a Google Ads account. If you don’t use Google ads, you can pick any keyword search tool out there.
Now I need to sort it, vet out unneeded ones, and separate them into groups based on intent (informational or commercial). I will also create a list of “minus” words (will use them later).
When it is all done, I need to assemble a “core”: a few groups of keywords united by intention.
If I don’t use keys/groups for commercial purposes, I may use them for info articles (SEO). The most visited (by a long shot) page on the site, which I sold as a part of the business was “The History of 3d printing”.
📜 Research should also include many other “places”, basically one should identify where potential customers hang out, what they need (their problems), and how one can reach them, and as a result will have some potential acquisition channels, and a list of “problems” to form an offer with.
I will only cover the fastest and the one I know best - Google ads (+ a bit of SEO for the long game). This channel corresponds rather well, with my understanding, of where my “target audience” may be (more on that below).

1. Second is a List of competitors. I will only need ones’ that will compete with me for my target demographic. Specifically, I would like to know:
   
   1. Domain name;
   2. Their offer (range of services, materials, unique propositions);
   3. Their main (and all significant pages) Title, H1, description, “subtitle”, unique selling propositions, and maybe a screenshot of HERO;
   4. Their CTAs (calls to action - do they use online calculators, contact form…).

The list can go on, but those are the most important (probably), the logic behind it - I want to know what has been offered so far, compare it to the demand from list 1, and identify where I can “squeeze in”.

1. Third list - competitor’s prices. Based on my initial ”vision” (what/for whom I will try to do) I prepare a couple of inquiries, which I send to competitors to quote.

I would like to know:

• Price;
• Fulfillment time;
• Conditions;
• How competitors interact with prospects.

Inquiries may be:

1. A somewhat complicated “technical” model of a middle size;
2. Small-to-mid batch of parts (up to 100-300);
3. A somewhat big (that will probably require printing in parts and assembly) model + separately I would inquire about painting;

As a result, I understand how I may price my services. I prefer to start somewhere in the lower middle of a price range and slowly go up.
I know what I won't do - I won't try to go for the cheapest price - it is a road to nowhere. I may go for it once or twice to snatch an order, which will be beneficial to my portfolio, but that is it!
Now I also understand how my competitors interact with their customers and what I can offer in this regard.

Plan

With that data gathered I am now ready to compose a “business plan” /set up business goals for 1-3 years, and lay out a tactical (more detailed) plan for a quarter or so.
Usually, the latter shall be detailed like: I need to reach X revenue/per day, to get Y rev per month, and for that, I will need Z inquiries and so on... But as I am just starting, it may not make a lot of sense, since there are no "base" numbers. But I will use that type of planning as soon as I have those numbers (after 6-12 months).
I also will align the plan with my vision, and maybe add some details to it, based on the data I’ve gathered.
I will have a somewhat united note/doc with actionable tasks, equipped with due dates (those are very important), and an overall plan.
I like to unify all of the above (lists, vision, tasks…) as a project in a project management software (later about that). Much easier to manage and keep track of.

Offer and Site creation

Now I can form my offer.
This offer will be presented on my site, in my ads, and everywhere else.
I need to describe CLEARLY what do I do exactly, for whom, and why those people should take their business to me (competitive advantages).
I pick a name, and domain name and make a logo. I keep in mind that they are a part of the offer (everything is), and I keep them as short, direct, and close to the point as possible. I squeeze a relevant keyword in if I can.
Before I decide I type the name into the search and see what pops up (don’t skip that part).
Now I can make a site. I pick one of the No-code options to create it myself or delegate it. Keep in mind that you will need to correct and change the site: an offer (text. headings), portfolio, blog (for SEO purposes), services, etc. The no-code solution will allow you to do that yourself.
It will be a landing page (in the beginning), and it will include:

• Title (shown as a first string in search);
• Description (shown as a second string in the search);

HERO SECTION (first screen basically - 80% of people won’t go below it)

• H1 (main “title” shown on the top of the page)
• Subtitle (text below the H1, usually supports the H1 and includes unique selling points);
• Clear CTA (Call to action);
• Foto or video of what I’ve done (the visual representation of services works really well);
• Unique selling points (not included in the subtitle, or supporting/elaborating on them);

END OF THE HERO SECTION

• Unique selling points;
• All other headers;
• All other text;
• Examples (what I’ve done) and/or testimonials - if I truly just starting I may need to make some examples of objects I would like to make (as close to desired nich as possible) and take GOOD photos of them (It can be powerful, that is what I did and people told me many times, that they “came” because of “beautiful” thing that we’ve done (“beautiful” is mostly attribute off a picture, then a thing);
• FAQ (those shall be questions that your customers ask you the most, I mean REAL questions - they work rather well as objection handlers);
• Clear CTA (Call to action);

As there is just one page, it should target the most relevant oand big commercial keyword group.
The “art” of creating a Title, H1, and the rest of the text, headings, and attributes is a delicate dance between the need to be different from competitors, the need to incorporate the right keywords, basic SEO guidelines, and most importantly - to present a compelling offer.
📜 An important thing to keep in mind - your first screen should tell, straight and clearly - what services you provide, for whom, and why a visitor should click your CTA, or continue reading.
Last thing - make sure that it looks fine and loads quickly on mobile. More than half of the traffic will be from there.
Research says, that If it loads more than 3 seconds - more than 70% of people bounce.
Check your speed here - https://pagespeed.web.dev/
There is A LOT more to that, but it is beyond the scope of this article.

Traffic: Ads and SEO

Now I need traffic:
Google ads. As I just starting, I need to be as targeted as possible. So I will:

• Vet keywords carefully, avoid high-frequency ones, and compose them into groups.
• Start with one or two groups, with a limited number of keywords with clear commercial intent.
• Limit the location to the city I am in.
• Add a minus keywords list. If a search query includes one of the words from the list (like FREE, or CHEAP) - ads won't be shown.

Google pushes everyone really hard to use responsive search ads + broad match + AI-suggested keywords (performance MAX they call it), but I won't.
Why?

1. It will greatly disperse the focus, and therefore results of my campaign.
2. It is still not working properly, especially for small and/or “complicated” niches. In other words, it will waste my money, (relocate it to Google), without bringing back results (or at least as many).

And I don't want that.
I will use exact match, fix (pin) headings and descriptions, and practically make "an old school" text ad from a responsive search ad. I will have to do different ads for different keywords (if the keyword or phrase is matched in the title, conversion is higher); Yes, it will be more work, but results will be better, and controllable.
Just how I like them.
Now I will compose my "SEO plan", I will:

• Plan to add new "commercial" pages to the site (one page per meaningful keyword group) as I go.
• Create a schedule: after the main page is up, I will try to “deploy” them in 2-4 week intervals, starting with the most meaningful/impactful.
• Make Google index it through its search console after the first publishable version of the site is done. I will repeat the operation with every meaningful page I add, including info SEO pages (below).
• Form a few groups from keywords with informational intent, vet groups that align with my direction, and plan an article for each vetted group - a separate page on the site with a personal set of SEO attributes.
• Publish them with the same or longer intervals as for the "commercial" pages.
• Try to make those articles as valuable for the reader as possible. Everything I do shall be client-oriented (bring value), and user behavior is more and more important for SEO.

This “article” is an example of such a page.
I won't cover social media here, since its plenty of info on that topic.
From my experience, if I plan (and I do) to offer 3d printing services to businesses (B2B), social media (with the exception of LinkedIn maybe, not sure nowadays what is what) is not exactly a place for “fishing” (I might be wrong).

Legal+

Moving along to the legal land.
I will not go deep into the business structure (LLCs or sole proprietorships), just say that you need one. Figure out what works best in your case, but note: if you are planning (envisioning) to sell your business one day (or a part of it) - you will need it to be at least an LLC.
This structure (as stated in the name), also limits your liability, which is not a bad thing. One more thing that does that, and at times viewed as a formality - is a contract.
I’ve learned to appreciate contracts and pay attention to their "design". The contract sets expectations, protects both you and your client, and serves as an extension to your offer - a clear, correct, and honest contract, that picks up on promises you’ve made will reassure your client that you are a trustworthy professional.
Create a clear, correct contract template (or templates), seek professional help/advice if needed, and try not to overcomplicate it (easier-smaller the better).
📜 Before the contract, expectations are set during all interactions with a client: nuances, limitations, examples, samples, etc. As the number of interactions with clients starts to grow you will notice repetitive patterns in questions and answers. Create a base with answer templates - those saved me a ton of time and improved the quality of my communication.

3d printers and a space (finally here they are)

Well, and yeah, I need 3d printers to start a 3d printing business.
If you plan to start such a business, you may already have some, and/or possess the needed knowledge in the matter, but I still going to say a few things. No specific models, or vendors though, since there is a lot of printer-related content out there, and the scene is rapidly (wink) changing.
I would try to pick one type of printer (or at least a vendor) and stick to it. Benefits:

• Somewhat stable overall quality;
• Same spare parts;
• Same repair and maintenance routine;
• Same working protocols;
• Same slicing…

I also will (at least in the beginning) look for stable machines, that would not require a ton of maintenance.
Note here: your choice shall also be based on your perceived goal (niche you want to end up with/customers you want to serve), and you may need different types of printers for that.
Depending on my situation, I may not need an office/working space right from the start (at least not until the idea has been validated). If I do, I would get something with a space to grow (aligned with my plan/goals), but I would try not to jump over my head with it.

One software to control it all

There is one more thing that I will need right from the start (because I don’t want to replicate my own mistakes) - a software suite to manage the business. Getting it from the start will provide the most leverage and set me up on the right path.
I will need:

• CRM - all work with a client: pricing, offers, deals, followups, deadlines, docs… +
• ERP - control and management of all resources: materials, printers, team… +
• Production scheduling +
• Maintenance, Repairs, Spare parts, and materials control +
• Team + Docs + Files storage + Contractors + Spending + everything else.

I couldn't find one that incorporates all of it, so I’ve made my own (there is a Free version, try it out, let me know what you think).
Management software and CRM might not be obvious must-haves, but they are if I want to make it into a controllable and growing business (and I do).
There is no other way, look at any business that made it - they all without exception use such systems.
One more thing - all business decisions shall be based on data: how would I know, for example, if my ads campaign is making (and how much) or losing money, without knowing what my average check, margin, or LTV is for any type of service for a needed time period?

Summary and Q&A

There is a lot more to that, but it is already too long.
So I’ve got:

1. List of keywords;
2. List of competitors;
3. Price research (and base price level as a result);
4. A plan;
5. An offer;
6. Name and logo;
7. Website (with offer and good photos of done jobs on it);
8. Google ads campaign (or other acquisition channel, start from one you know best/where your customers are);
9. SEO plan;
10. Legal entity;
11. Contract templates;
12. “Sales templates” base (those collected on the go, but you may already have something since you talked to people before);
13. Printers;
14. Some physical space;
15. Management system/software (like this one)

3 BONUS reminders for myself:

• To get paid in advance. ALWAYS, at least partially;
• To do extra for customers. If I can, when I can;
• To be patient- business is a marathon, not a sprint;

Some Q&A:

• Is the 3d printing business a good business to start?

It is not a get-rich-quick scheme, and it is not particularly easy, but all things that are worth doing are hard (that is what they say).
If you like it/are passionate about it/good at it (the most important factor in my opinion.) - it certainly might be.
I’ve planned to go with the B2B service model (on-demand manufacturing), and that trend will only grow over time.
Since we talked about the US, let's take a look at this article and specifically the chart of Construction spending on US manufacturing https://www.businessinsider.com/us-building-factories-census-data-chips-act-inflation-reduction-act-2023-6?op=1 + big new “infrastructure rebuild projects” might be somewhere around the corner.
What does it all have to do with a small 3dp service? The economy is an interconnected system. All of those “big projects” will require a lot of smaller contractors/suppliers, and they will need smaller ones…and that is where I come in.

• Why the service model?

2 reasons:

1. I know how to do it (done it for 10 years), the data above backs the idea up, and I still see a lot of upsides and opportunities there (aside from the data).
2. It is a lot easier to “search” for product ideas - they come to you (for that you will have to have a B2C “department” though). I’ve recently talked to a few 3dp business owners (and read a few stories over the years), and almost all of them had their product ideas brought to them by clients.

• Is it profitable?

If you create a system (management software can help with that) with processes in place, create and maintain customer acquisition channels, and price correctly - it will be.
I hope you got some value out of it.
Thanks for reading.

I don't normally post my work because most of my time is spent between an IDE and a stack trace, but I've arrived at a milestone where I thought it might be worthwhile to share a bit of the process up to this point.
I'm using Unreal Engine with C++. I haven't used any blueprints or third party libraries (outside UE) for anything.
The game will be a 2.5d adventure game (Terraria would be a fair comparison, just to give a more clear idea.) My original plan was to create a procedural mesh that could be deformed by digging or impacts/explosions. Think of it as being like a tuna can on its side, and this ended up being my very first prototype object for the game:
Tuna can from the front. Being my first mesh displayed in the Unreal Editor, I was quite proud of it so I shared it on social media and even though I described it, the only response was from someone asking, "What am I looking at?" That's when I learned that just because it's interesting and exciting for me doesn't mean anyone else cares.
Tuna can from the back showing the mesh structure. This is more significant than the front view, because it shows more of what's happening. The plan was to generate concentric circles and then stitch them together into a mesh, so that's what I did. The main issue was figuring out how to arrange it so that the mesh I made was as close to uniform as possible because wonky triangles will always look like wonky triangles.
This is what followed after more work and a couple of hard lessons about floating point precision errors. The two main differences between this mesh and the previous one is that this one is 2d. I didn't need to worry about pushing it into the 3d space because I was only testing the formation of the face mesh. The circular mesh in this image represents a fully procedurally generated mesh with uniform segments that could be scaled to any size just by changing a number or two in the code.
The trouble with procedurally generated meshes is that generating them is only the first part. If you want to edit them in real-time, like in a game, it gets very heavy very fast. Lots of math, lots of testing, endless edge cases. Given the time I had already spent generating these procedural circles, I decided pushing forward was going to be a slog and I didn't think the ends were going to justify the means, so for the terrain I decided to go with a voxel system.
There are some voxel tools for Unreal but I didn't find anything that called to me, so I decided to do it myself. First thing I did was spin up another prototype, this time generating a circle out of squares.
This was the result. Much easier to put together than the circular mesh, but not without limitations. I'm going to have to be careful about how I manage the size of blocks, for example, otherwise there will be certain parts of the world that will seem very jagged because you'll be walking on the edges of the cubes instead of the faces. Nevertheless, those are problems with solutions for another time.
Around this time, things started to go all internal. Lots of work, nothing to show for it. Setting up a custom quadtree, for example, that will be used to indicate to the client what chunks it needs to render in order to present the current area around the player character, and then to update itself as the camera moves to make sure the needed chunks are always available for display. That took a while. Setting up the internal representation of the voxels and chunks took a while.
And learning to spot toolchain errors takes a while. I once lost two weeks trying to track down an infuriating "bug" that wasn't a bug...it was the IDE/plugin/editor that broke and started throwing errors that didn't actually exist. Once you learn how to spot it, it's a nuisance. Before you learn how to spot it, it's soul crushing.
So I made this hand-coded star. I call it, "A Glimmer of Hope" and it's the root component for the world. All of the other chunks that are being displayed are attached to that root component.
Eventually things started to come together. A few complete re-writes took place (usually triggered by the previously mentioned phantom bug) but helped me practice my programming skills and refine the work a little more.
Just in the last week or two, the core of the voxel engine finally came together. This was the first screenshot I thought to take. It's pretty ugly, but it's not about being pretty at this point. There's a little test '+' symbol hiding in there, and then a low-res voxel sphere that is clipping outside the world boundary. That was a deliberate test because I had to be sure that the system would correctly handle the parts that fell out of bounds. If you're familiar with the process of greedy meshing, you should be able to recognize it here. The chunks in this example are only 4 blocks wide (because it's just a test), and the greedy meshing doesn't extend to adjacent chunks, which is why you see the shapes that you do.
And then finally, by simply changing the values that indicate the sphere's position, and the values indicating the size of the voxels and chunks, I got this:
https://imgur.com/tdkzKC7
In the bottom left you can see the test '+' symbol again, and in the top right is another test shape that you couldn't see before because the sphere was covering it. And in the middle, a fairly convincing rendition of a voxel sphere. For reference, that sphere has a diameter of 65 blocks (a Minecraft chunk is 64 blocks wide). I haven't done any specific timed tests, but early tests show that it is fairly quick to build, mesh, and display the sphere. I have a lot of debugging output to remove before I can do time trials.
What's Next?
While taking the last screenshot, I noticed a couple of artifacts that I'll have to fix. Other than that, next steps will be to get materials working properly on the mesh. Then I'll be doing the actual world sculpting, which will be using noise generators and modifying some of the tools I've already made to give the world a more natural looking appearance.
After that is generating nav maps, and then finally the fluid simulation. Somewhere in there I'm sure I'll be able to finally start prototyping some basic gameplay, but I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself.
If you're not impressed or interested by any of this, that's cool. I wasn't trying to impress anyone. I just thought it might be useful to demonstrate a bit of the process. I'm pretty determined to see this one through, and I'm hoping it will start to look like something before the end of the year.
Cheers!
(I have a Steam page but it's not set up, and won't be until I have a playable demo. I also don't have a Discord and don't care to. I'll start marketing when I have something to market. In the meantime, if there's anything worth sharing for informational purposes, I'll just post it here.)

(Only Europe, Please) - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone who wants to be my friend - not the whole world.. which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me advice better block me! I'm an adult woman and I make all decisions on my own.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give them one word answer and ask them another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different 🙂
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What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and partners.. Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them (which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Please send me a message only If you're not In a relationship and don't have friends for the same reasons I've already mentioned before
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Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others every day because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..some people ask me "Why do you want to talk to people from Europe?" Well..Because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticizing people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have unimportant conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason :) All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life. I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message . Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk every day? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionally.
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I'm not trying to sound rude but conversations once or twice a week wouldn't be enough for me and I don't need them... Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :) It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make more time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you.
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I'm not interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk?” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on a random question or? When they start talking only about themselves and don't ever ask me anything. I love conversations with people referring to everything I say...I want everything I say and do - to be reciprocated
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• No NSFW profiles (checking mental health subreddits NOT included as I'm a huge empath and always try to understand others) - Please! I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. I always check people's profiles (even comment history) - To avoid guys, trying to get inappropriate pictures from adult women or? flirt with them + I don't want to see you with no clothes on so If you're on Reddit only because you want others to see what's underneath your clothes - I'm not for you! I just simply don't want to see any s e x related activity on your profile If you want to talk to me.
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• If both of us (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English - because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just don't want to talk to a person from the same country as mine - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to improve your language skills
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• Please only adult people 18-36 (age range) It doesn't matter to me If you're younger or older than me (as long as you're not underage) So.. don't worry! I just want to have discussions with emotionally mature people :)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even If It's a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - Not responding to someone's first or second message Is completely OK! If people think they wouldn't get along with a stranger - is there a reason to start a conversation? I don't think so. I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversations and seeing people changing priorities over time.. but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real. If I'm really interested in someone's message it's impossible to hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I had no time for others - I wouldn't be here. I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike most people who don't want to talk to others)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - like me - to describe your emotions In text messages. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough! I just don't like emotionless conversations.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively. First impression Is everything to me! I want to see your kindness even in a text message - Emojis are very helpful to express your emotions.I don't want to meet people who say "crying Is a weakness" - It's OK to cry even If you're a guy!
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• I would rather talk to a homebody - not another person who always has something to do as people who are very busy don't even have time for daily conversations
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• If you're another person interested only in "childish conversations" such as "HEYOOO! I'M BORED! Ya like Pizza or cheese? xDDDD 🤣" I'm begging you! Don't send me a message.I'm not a child anymore and such messages don't make me smile or laugh.I'm looking for someone interested In serious discussions - not another person just seeking some entertainment out of boredom . Conversations with sarcastic undertones (even when It comes to some emojis such as 🤣😂) are not for me. Your typing style matters to me! Why? when It comes to online conversations with someone new - It's not always possible to know If someone Is laughing at you.. or with you. Let me tell you something else! Jokes about cancer, disabilities and death are UNACCEPTABLE to me. If you find joy In someone else's misfortune you are not a person I want to know.
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• Time response matters to me a lot! I would never ask anyone to be online all day long and I'm NOT asking any of you for any instant messaging as I'm someone who would rather wait an hour or two to receive a proper response instead of some short and pointless messages but I'm interested only in daily conversations and I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to get a message from you.I don't need unbelievably long messages either! Messages as long as the second paragraph of my post - are completely enough. If you like longer messages? you can send me a longer message, but If you want to send me one word or one sentence as a response to my post - don't expect a reaction from me. I don't want to come across as rude - I just don't want to waste your time
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• I'm strongly AGAINST picking on people you don't even want to chat with - and making fun of them! I can't stand people who criticize others publicly or make fun of them! (only because they disagree with someone they don't even know) There's no place In my life for someone using Reddit, to hurt other people
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• I'm not into foul language and I definitely don't want to talk to people who swear a lot...
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• I want to meet assertive people who know what they want and always stand up for their friends
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• I want to meet someone willing to call me In the future, someone spontaneously sending me pictures of animals or food, et cetera. I want more than just text conversations.. 🌻
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Why can’t you see any of my hobbies listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest, talkative ,understanding, caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but from my point of view - people's hobbies are important - If you want to find a gaming buddy or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's passions – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life – way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you! I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced. I wouldn't get along with people who laugh at everything.. In my opinion most people are way too sarcastic.. It's quite sad... Sarcasm can also be another form of passive-aggressive behavior.
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People who want to be to friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I highly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk as often as possible in order to become friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations. If you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night) I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone important to me. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new. You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance - but others? They would rather hear something different 🙁Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're responsible only for ourselves - not others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on, forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because even the best therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you. Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out! Feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else - Is very important! "Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others. If after hearing a sad story all you want to say is "forget the past and move on" you're not for me. It's important to be a good listener and provide emotional support to others
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abbreviations,If you don't need a stable friendship, If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship to be natural which is why I want you to contact me only If your needs are the same - I don't want you to pretend someone you're not - only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I want to finally be happy again & find someone "always" wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals. What is the most important to me? I want to find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests 🌺
I know It's possible to meet people with exactly the same expectations as mine but It's just not easy because most people are Interested In temporary and entertaining conversations. People like me are just "different" I really want to finally find someone who loves emojis as much as I do.. someone who loves sweet, warm and serious discussions at the same time. Emojis really do - change conversations 😊

(Only Europe, Please) - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone who wants to be my friend - not the whole world.. which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me advice better block me! I'm an adult woman and I make all decisions on my own.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give them one word answer and ask them another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different 🙂
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What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and partners.. Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them (which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Please send me a message only If you're not In a relationship and don't have friends for the same reasons I've already mentioned before
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Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others every day because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..some people ask me "Why do you want to talk to people from Europe?" Well..Because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticizing people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have unimportant conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason :) All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life. I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message . Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk every day? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionally.
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I'm not trying to sound rude but conversations once or twice a week wouldn't be enough for me and I don't need them... Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :) It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make more time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you.
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I'm not interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk?” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on a random question or? When they start talking only about themselves and don't ever ask me anything. I love conversations with people referring to everything I say...I want everything I say and do - to be reciprocated
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• No NSFW profiles (checking mental health subreddits NOT included as I'm a huge empath and always try to understand others) - Please! I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. I always check people's profiles (even comment history) - To avoid guys, trying to get inappropriate pictures from adult women or? flirt with them + I don't want to see you with no clothes on so If you're on Reddit only because you want others to see what's underneath your clothes - I'm not for you! I just simply don't want to see any s e x related activity on your profile If you want to talk to me.
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• If both of us (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English - because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just don't want to talk to a person from the same country as mine - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to improve your language skills
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• Please only adult people 18-36 (age range) It doesn't matter to me If you're younger or older than me (as long as you're not underage) So.. don't worry! I just want to have discussions with emotionally mature people :)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even If It's a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - Not responding to someone's first or second message Is completely OK! If people think they wouldn't get along with a stranger - is there a reason to start a conversation? I don't think so. I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversations and seeing people changing priorities over time.. but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real. If I'm really interested in someone's message it's impossible to hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I had no time for others - I wouldn't be here. I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike most people who don't want to talk to others)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - like me - to describe your emotions In text messages. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough! I just don't like emotionless conversations.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively. First impression Is everything to me! I want to see your kindness even in a text message - Emojis are very helpful to express your emotions.I don't want to meet people who say "crying Is a weakness" - It's OK to cry even If you're a guy!
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• I would rather talk to a homebody - not another person who always has something to do as people who are very busy don't even have time for daily conversations
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• If you're another person interested only in "childish conversations" such as "HEYOOO! I'M BORED! Ya like Pizza or cheese? xDDDD 🤣" I'm begging you! Don't send me a message.I'm not a child anymore and such messages don't make me smile or laugh.I'm looking for someone interested In serious discussions - not another person just seeking some entertainment out of boredom . Conversations with sarcastic undertones (even when It comes to some emojis such as 🤣😂) are not for me. Your typing style matters to me! Why? when It comes to online conversations with someone new - It's not always possible to know If someone Is laughing at you.. or with you. Let me tell you something else! Jokes about cancer, disabilities and death are UNACCEPTABLE to me. If you find joy In someone else's misfortune you are not a person I want to know.
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• Time response matters to me a lot! I would never ask anyone to be online all day long and I'm NOT asking any of you for any instant messaging as I'm someone who would rather wait an hour or two to receive a proper response instead of some short and pointless messages but I'm interested only in daily conversations and I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to get a message from you.I don't need unbelievably long messages either! Messages as long as the second paragraph of my post - are completely enough. If you like longer messages? you can send me a longer message, but If you want to send me one word or one sentence as a response to my post - don't expect a reaction from me. I don't want to come across as rude - I just don't want to waste your time
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• I'm strongly AGAINST picking on people you don't even want to chat with - and making fun of them! I can't stand people who criticize others publicly or make fun of them! (only because they disagree with someone they don't even know) There's no place In my life for someone using Reddit, to hurt other people
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• I'm not into foul language and I definitely don't want to talk to people who swear a lot...
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• I want to meet assertive people who know what they want and always stand up for their friends
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• I want to meet someone willing to call me In the future, someone spontaneously sending me pictures of animals or food, et cetera. I want more than just text conversations.. 🌻
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Why can’t you see any of my hobbies listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest, talkative ,understanding, caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but from my point of view - people's hobbies are important - If you want to find a gaming buddy or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's passions – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life – way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you! I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced. I wouldn't get along with people who laugh at everything.. In my opinion most people are way too sarcastic.. It's quite sad... Sarcasm can also be another form of passive-aggressive behavior.
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People who want to be to friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I highly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk as often as possible in order to become friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations. If you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night) I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone important to me. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new. You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance - but others? They would rather hear something different 🙁Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're responsible only for ourselves - not others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on, forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because even the best therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you. Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out! Feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else - Is very important! "Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others. If after hearing a sad story all you want to say is "forget the past and move on" you're not for me. It's important to be a good listener and provide emotional support to others
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abbreviations,If you don't need a stable friendship, If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship to be natural which is why I want you to contact me only If your needs are the same - I don't want you to pretend someone you're not - only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I want to finally be happy again & find someone "always" wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals. What is the most important to me? I want to find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests 🌺
I know It's possible to meet people with exactly the same expectations as mine but It's just not easy because most people are Interested In temporary and entertaining conversations. People like me are just "different" I really want to finally find someone who loves emojis as much as I do.. someone who loves sweet, warm and serious discussions at the same time. Emojis really do - change conversations 😊

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST
For the first time in my life (24M), I stopped to think about my own problems, and I have to say, my mind is kind of a mess right now and I don't know what to make of it.
I live with my mom, both of my sisters and my grandmother. My ENTIRE family has always had mental and health issues, expect for me. I always was a good student, always had friends, had hobbies, never had depression, anxiety or any medical problems. I've been healthy my whole life and was always seen as the "hope" of the family. I had a good childhood, never been abused, or neglected, which is why I can't figure out why I relate to a few CPTSD symptoms.
Before explaining my family life, it is important to note that my middle sister (3 yrs older than me) was born with Fragile X, has always been severely depressed, has always had anxiety and severe anger issues, was diagnosed with ocd, and a bunch of other stuff that I can't remember. She has the intellectual capability of a primary school kid, but has never accepted it. This has caused her to be consistently angry towards everything in life.
So, my family life has always been very stressful. I don't want to go into too too too much detail, but since the age of 12, emergencies, fights, arguments (screaming, shouting, slamming doors, suicide threats, hysterical crying etc.) have been a weekly, sometimes daily occurrence (expect for emergencies, usually a few of times a year).
When an emergency did happen, my family would panic like crazy, especially my mom. She would have these like uncontrollable panic attacks and wouldn't know what to do with herself, she would start crying and would ask 100 questions a minute. My oldest sister would have somewhat of a similar reaction, but a bit toned down. The very first emergency that I remember happened when I was 10. At the time, I lived with my mom and my middle sister. My sister threw a rock at my mom's leg (which had varicose veins), and so my mom was screaming, crying and was in extreme pain and my sister was also in a panic. My mom couldn't call 911, she told me to do it but I couldn't since I was overwhelmed with all of the shouting and crying, so she ended up crying on the couch until the pain decreased. The second emergency was when I was 12, I was playing on my on ps3 and my mom was dyeing my sister's hair in the bathroom when all of a sudden my mom started shout my name and so I ran over to the bathroom and saw my naked sister on the floor with blood and foam coming out of her mouth (I probably thought she was dead). At the time, both my mom and I didn't know that it was a seizure so my mom's panic made me panic as well, she told me to call 911, but I couldn't do it at first. I ended up calling 911 after a minute or so, I can't remember if it was of my mom's panic or something else that pushed me to make the call. Nevertheless, when I started to talk to the 911 operator, I still was panicking and so was my mom, but as soon as I started to calm down (thx to the operator), I noticed my mom calming down as well. I think this made me realize subconsciously that my calmness helped my mother panic less, and so from that day on, I started to become more and more calm and collected when emergencies happened. This calm behaviour was also useful during the daily/weekly intense arguments/fights and seeped into my daily life (I think).
I always just thought that being calm was good, as it helped my family, but now that I am reflecting on my past , I can't help but think that what I thought being was being "calm", was just actually intellectualization my emotions. For example, during very serious emergencies, I would remain calm and kind of push down my emotions and justify it by telling myself that it would be illogical for me to panic because it only make things worse by making my mom panic even more. This went on for years until I realized something was wrong during the latest emergency. Back in February of this year, my sister had another seizure (last seizure was around 2015) since she stopped taking her meds (even though we always remind her to) because she wants to be normal and not controlled. I was in my room when it happened, so when my mom started screaming, I grabbed my phone and was ready to dial 911 because I was very used to it at this point, I went to my sisters room, saw my sister unresponsive, my mom trying to find her pulse, and my oldest sister panicking calling 911 and handing the phone to me. This is where I noticed something was wrong, I did not feel anything at all, my mind was blank and it was like I was on auto-pilot.
Fast forward until like 2 weeks ago, I was smoking a joint by myself (as I do every once in a while, but more recently), and realized that I don't think know what sadness, and anger feels like. It's weird, I'm not sure what how to explain it, but like I think I know what it feels, but not really? My friends always joked about me being robotic because it would be impossible to make me mad or upset, and I also always just followed my friends when it came to deciding what to do when going out, I'm always indifferent and never had my own opinion because in my mind I just wanted my friends to be satisfied and content with wtv we decided to do.
I wrote a bit much lmao, I'm horrible at being concise but here are the symptoms that I've read and relate to:

• Intellectualization
• Extreme self-awareness ties with intellectualization maybe?
• Social Anxiety I was always introverted and reserved. I have 2 great group of friends, one from primary school, and the other from high school. Quite honestly, I don't want new friends, I'm very happy with the friends I have now, but I do find it difficult to make new friends because all that I think about is not wanting them to know about know about my family's problems. This is especially true for relationships. As I mentioned before, I am 24 yrs old, I always wanted a relationship but have never been in a relationship because I felt like it would be inconsiderate of me to bring someone into my life, especially since I think I would be emotionally unavailable. My family is also poor, so I justified not looking for a partner because of monetary reasons, and due to frequent emergencies, I always needed to have some cash set aside.
• Physical soreness/tension I've been going to the gym on and off since I was 17. Last year, I was in pretty good shape, until I injured my bicep while heavy benching. I kept on going to the gym for a few months until decided to go to a physio. I healed my bicep pain but noticed that I was getting a lot more sore than I've ever been before. I had soreness/tension pain around my elbow, shoulders, traps, chest, back. I have essentially stopped going to the gym since the beginning of the year, and every time I go I feel extremely sore/tense, and it's not the same soreness as going back to the gym after not being for a while, it feels different, more intense. Just yesterday, I played basketball with my friends and woke up today with soreness/tension around my elbow, which I've never had before after having played basketball.
• Memory Loss There are moments in my life that I completely forgot, I apparently stopped my sister from killing herself once but do not remember it whatsoever. When I reminisce with my friends, I have a hard time remembering memories unless they mention it.
• Making up imaginative scenarios for no reason at all
• Overthinking There are A LOT of details that I have not mentioned, but because of the combination of everything, I am consistently thinking about how to solve XYZ even though it is almost impossible to solve. This comment describes it pretty well "you can get stuck trying to understand how to deal with an impossibly confusing situation and bring that overthinking everywhere."

So I guess my question is: Is this CPTSD or something else? If you read the whole post tysm <3

It seems this is my case, although I still don’t quite understand how values can be something of one group within Fi, and how the level of values of other people can be different? In my opinion, for all people the level of their values comes first, because that’s why we can decide what is important to us.
But Fi-doms are described as a counter culture, which, like teenagers in movies, says - I'm goth, and I don't care about your opinion, I am who I am - But in the real world this is not always possible; there are cultures where serious consequences await you for breaking traditions. So what should Fi-dom do then? I’ll try to tell you a little about what happened to me, maybe it’s familiar to someone.
I had a hard time figuring out my type because of so many things. I constantly questioned my values, and tried to choose the absolutely correct model of behavior, due to the negative signs around me. I was surrounded by aggressive people, so I thought that friendliness and logic was the best way, and I xSTx or xNTx. I really like that they they are responsible, logical, reliable and structured, I feel the forms and structures of their thoughts in my head, and I feel calmer. I generally hate irresponsible people, and I feel physically ill from illogicality. I feel danger from this, because my relatives are like that, and I constantly have problems with them. I never feel safe with them.
I also live hiding my orientation and gender, which also made things very difficult. And my problem was, that all my life I believed, even despite the fact that I was constantly betrayed, that there is good in all people, and everyone needs to be given more tries. I'm too kind and I hate that about myself. I don't think that I can hate anyone else at all, I don't have any strength for this. Instead of hatred, I get upset.
Only after many years that I was able to come into contact with my emotions and better understand the workings of my internal processes. So I came to the conclusion that my type is INFP. But it still bothers me that I don’t have enough emotionality, while INFPs are shown as gentle flower creatures. But everything happens inside of me. I have very high empathy and sensitivity, but at the same time I never understand what is happening inside people. Therefore, it worries and upsets me greatly, when people don’t like me, although I didn’t do anything bad to them at all, and didn’t even think about them. And then I start digging inside myself, trying to understand where I made a mistake. Or, my mind constantly creates chains of associations, and my jokes are based on this. And it happens that it offend people, and I don’t understand why they were offended, because I didn’t want to offend them. This worries me, but constantly acting decent and polite in order to establish contact with everyone, is terribly exhausting and killing me. I can’t find contact with people, I don’t understand what might come into their heads. And I just want to communicate with people and relax, and not walk through a minefield, trying not to offend them. Therefore, I am overly attracted to xSTx people for their condescension and patronage towards me. I really don't like that I feel like - Oh yeah, big daddy, cover me and let's do some relaxing crap together. And this is not at all like the benevolent, very cute, and deeply understanding image of the INFP that is shown in the examples. Perhaps this is precisely because I have to suppress myself and daddy issue. Or maybe it's not related to Fi suppression, although they are related to values. It is also possible because that I have never met people who understood my mood and with whom we will be on the same wavelength, so that we can just fool around without social conventions. But without going crazy and not doing something illegal. I know myself, if I’m having fun, I may come to my senses too late.
I have an older sister, I think she is a Fe-dom, and she scares the hell out of me. She always seems to see right through me, and always seems to be protective, understanding, and approving. And this puts terrible pressure on me, which is why I try to avoid her. She behaves like an ideal, caring and understanding parent. I think if my parents behaved the same way, I would also be terribly uncomfortable. And she just fits the stereotype of that magical, all-understanding and all-forgiving fairy who will help everyone. I love my sister very much, but this is absolutely not the type of support that I feel comfortable with, and I constantly feel that I can never return to her the care that she is trying to give me, and I am constantly afraid of upsetting and disappointing her with my problems. I don’t know if this is a problem for all Fi-dom with Fe-dom, or just mine.
Does Fi-dom respond to my case, or am I again mistaken in the type? I wouldn't want to, because I don't have any other options.

tl;dr: Reached Legend for the first time and wanted to share some statistics and knowledge gathered. In summary, play Snake Warlock if you hate Death Knight and play Fatigue Warlock if you absolutely despise Warriors.

Preface

Hey Hearthstone reddit community,
I'm a long term Hearthstone player who's been around since release. I played actively from release until before Descent of Dragons came around and then took a long break (5 years) from the game. I've never really engaged much with the community but last month I felt the urge to delve into Hearthstone again and I've been hooked ever since then. From my point of view the game is in an incredible state right now, compared to when I left off, especially for new and F2P players. I also started looking into the community a bit more, because I really wanted to catch up on what was happening in and around the game, which is also the reason for why I felt the agency to creat this reddit account and why I am writing this post right now.
Anyways, this month I reached Legend for the first time in my Hearthstone history and, because I've always been into statistics I thought I might share some of the tidbits I gathered during that journey. Who knows, some of you may find it interesting or helpful.

Decks and general statistics

So let's get to my decks of choice for reaching Legend. I will go into detail about deck matchups, detailed statistics and my general opinion on those decks later on in this post.

Bronze - Plat 5

I started out with a 7x star bonus from reaching Platinum 5 last month and played Snake Warlock until I reached Platinum 5 again. I played a total of 96 games (53W/43L) to reach Platinum 5, after which I played 10 more games (only to be back at Plat 5 again) before I swapped decks, bringing me to a total of 106 games, with 58 Wins and 48 Losses, leaving this deck at a 54,72% win rate.

Plat 5 - Legend

After deciding to try out something else I came across Fatigue Warlock, which I soon decided to make my deck of choice for reaching Legend. After getting the gist of it I reached Diamond 5 in no time. I don't have the detailed statistics here but I think it took me less than 40 games with Fatigue Warlock to get from Platinum 5 to Diamond 5. The deck felt incredibly strong, it has quite a lot of good match ups into other popular meta decks at the moment and it just is a lot of fun to play, making the climb feel even less like a grind. After reaching Diamond 5 my progress slowed down significantly. A lot of times, when I won a couple games in a row, I either faced multiple really bad match ups in a row, made more mistakes than my opponents (who've gotten considerably better at this rank), or lost to the hands of RNGesus, throwing me back and forth between Diamond 2 and Diamond 5. However I did not give up and after a total of 115 games, with 70 wins and 45 losses, putting me at a win rate of 60,87%, I reached Legend for the first time.

General Breakdown

So in general we are looking at a distribution of 128 wins to 103 losses after playing 231 games, leaving me at a 55,41% win rate total. After I reached Legend and looked at the numbers I was quite confused at first, because I thought it would take a much higher win rate than 55.41% but here we are. If someone here has numbers on his/her climb to legend I would be quite interested to see them!
Now let's get into a more detailed breakdown of the decks and their matchups.

Deck breakdown and detailed statistics

In general I can say that both decks are really good in the current meta. They both have match ups in which they dominate clearly but also matchups in which they are on the receiving end of domination. However, Fatigue Warlock clearly comes out on top regarding favorable matchups.
Now before we look at the detailed statistics I would like to say that this is all based on me playing the game and the decks and not any kind of external data, so my opinion is highly biased by my own experience and skill and might not reflect the data present on HSreplay and so on.

Snake Warlock

Here's a table showing my distribution of wins and losses against the deck archetypes I faced climbing to Platinum 5 with Snake Warlock. When I faced an archetype I was not able to categorize clearly I tried to describe it with a name of my choosing:

Archetype	Wins	Losses	Ratio
Legendary Druid	0	1	0%
Spell Damage Druid	0	3	0%
Hero Power Druid	1	0	100%
Small Beast Hunter	8	9	47,83%
Highlander Warrior	11	12	47,83%
No Minion Mage	3	1	75%
Elemental Mage	3	1	75%
Core Mage	1	0	100%
Shopper Demon Hunter	0	2	0%
Highlander Demon Hunter	1	0	100%
Quill Death Knight	1	0	100%
Plague Death Knight	7	0	100%
Highlander Death Knight	4	1	80%
Fatigue Warlock	0	2	0%
Core Warlock	1	0	100%
Snake Warlock	3	3	50%
Giant Warlock	2	1	66,67%
Handbuff Paladin	1	0	100%
Highlander Paladin	0	1	0%
Aggro Token Paladin	4	7	36,36%
Nature Shaman	1	0	100%
Highlander Shaman	1	1	50%
Cutlass Rogue	0	1	0%
Mining Rogue	3	0	100%
Steal Priest	0	1	0%
Highlander Priest	1	0	100%
Zarimi Priest	1	1	50%

I will focus mostly on the entries for hunter, warrior, death knight and paladin, which arguably have the most significant details, because I faced them the most.

Facing Hunter

Regarding Hunter, matches feel pretty even and depend largely on your luck of draw and how much of your board clear you have on hand. Most of the time you won't really be able to excavate much unless Hunter has a bad turn, allowing you to slam down some minions yourself. Cards like Defile are your best friend in this matchup, as it even allows you to clear a big saddle up board with high confidence. So whether you win or lose depends highly on your ability to clear the board until the Hunter runs out of steam.

Facing Warrior

At first I thought that Warrior is going to be an easy matchup. Snake Warlock completely ignores armor after all. However, after having to face Highlander Warrior for 23 games I can say that your win depends largely on three factors: Dirty Rat, Boomboss and how early you get your snake. Most games I played my Snake was robbed from my hand by a Dirty Rat at least once, which isn't that bad given that you can get up to three snakes if you really make use of all your excavates, but it really slows down your damage build up. This is also the reason why I feel this deck is only mediocre against Warrior. Your damage is simply to slow and your combo pieces are very prone to being ratted or blown up by Boomboss later on. The games I won came largely from me slamming down one excavate after the other, dropping my first snake at turn 6. Generally speaking you don't have to worry about your board clears against Warrior, so going all in on excavate and bounce back cards can really increase your chance of winning.

Facing Death Knight

This matchup surprised me the most. I totally did not expect to put Death Knight into the bin so hard, even more so if you look below at the horrible win rate I have against DK with Fatigue Warlock. Generally games against DK did not feel like a fair matchup at all. Most of the times I was able to clear their boards with ease while digging down deeper into the snake pit. Even if the DK was able to get a good target for its Titan, increasing their life by the destroyed minions health, my enemy was never able to dish out enough damage to out damage my health gain from playing snake over multiple turns, sometimes even twice a turn. Overall this matchup is heavily favoured towards Snake Warlock, especially so if you get good excavates and an early snake.

Facing Paladin

This matchup is just miserable for Snake Warlock. Even though this decks contains so much board clear Paladin seems to just fill the board over and over and over again until you run out of steam. Defile is your only good board clear in this matchup because it also gets rid of the divine shield and reborn minions, while Table Flip is more of a tech card against outlaws. Overall facing Aggro Token Paladin feels like a long, tedious grind, that more often than not results in a big fat L. Boards comprised of multiple small entities with divine shields, reborn effects and a big Sea Giant become basically impossible to clear with a single board clear, especially if Zilliax is involved. My only advice is to hold on to your defiles and mortal eradication during mulligan. Especially Mortal Eradication is a great early game tool to remove some of those pesky 1 Health minions with and without divine shield.

General Opinion

This deck is great for when you want to make your enemy bleed out consistenly over a longer game but falls off against high end game oriented decks like Highlander warrior or OTK decks like Spell Damage Druid and fatigue Warlock. Escpecially OTK decks are really hard to win against, because the current OTK decks have very high damage potential. So even if you got off one or two snakes you might just face death at the hand of a good owlonios combo next turn. I would recommend this deck to anyone who enjoys playing a hybrid control/combo deck but you really need some high stress resistance for those times your snake gets ratted out of your hand even though you have 8 other minions on hand. If you are someone that absolutely despises Death Knight players, you can't go wrong with this deck.

Fatigue Warlock

Here's a table showing my distribution of wins and losses against the deck archetypes I faced climbing to Legend with Fatigue Warlock. When I faced an archetype I was not able to categorize clearly I tried to describe it with a name of my choosing:

Archetype	Wins	Losses	Ratio
No Minion Druid	0	1	0%
Legendary Druid	3	1	75%
Spell Damage Druid	2	2	50%
Highlander Hunter	0	2	0%
Small Beast Hunter	11	8	57,89%
Highlander Warrior	23	8	74,19%
Elemental Mage	1	0	100%
Shopper Demon Hunter	3	1	75%
Plague Death Knight	2	6	25%
Highlander Death Knight	1	0	100%
Fatigue Warlock	8	4	66,67%
Snake Warlock	2	0	100%
Giant Warlock	1	0	100%
Earthen Paladin	1	0	100%
Handbuff Paladin	1	3	25%
Aggro Token Paladin	2	3	40%
Highlander Shaman	1	2	33,33%
Miracle Rogue	2	0	100%
Mining Rogue	2	1	66,67%
Steal Priest	2	1	66,67%
Highlander Priest	1	0	100%
Zarimi Priest	1	2	33,33%

Again I will mostly focus on entries with signifant data like Warrior, Hunter and Warlock.

Facing Warrior

Facing Warrior with Fatigue Warlock feels like the incarnation of the "Ew, I stepped in shit" Meme. This matchup is heavily favoured towards Fatigue Warlock and the only thing between you and your win is how well you are able to utilize your fatigue ramp up cards. In a perfect world you would always want to start the game like this:

1. Snakeoil Merchant
2. Baritone Imp
3. Trolley Problem OR Encroaching Insanity
4. Crazed Conductor

This by itself gives you so much board presence forcing the warrior to keep up with all the minions you can pump out. If he is not able to clear you minions every turn you can get him down to <15 Health before turn 8. If you then have encroaching insanity or Pop'Gar and a Crescendo on hand its game over before he can even play Zilliax or Reno. This is not a surprise given that this deck was largely designed around beating Warrior and damn, it definitely does not disappoint on that front. The biggest things you have to keep in mind are Aftershock, as it basically clears every minion you have in your deck besides Pop'gar and Zilliax, and not putting out too many minions after turn 8, or the Warrior will just heal back to full with Zilliax. Though even a full health Warrior dies easily in the endgame if you got a good Snapshot with fiddle.

Facing Hunter

Interestingly enough, while this deck has a lot less board clear than Snake Warlock it actually feels much better to play against hunter. The reason for that is that you can fill your board just as well as the hunter, while luring him into a false sense of security as you deal damage to yourself with your fatigue cards only to go back to 30 once you draw Pop'gar and a Crescendo. Especially cards like Thornveil Tentacle and Trogg Gemtosser are killer in this matchup because they allow you to kill some of Hunters key pieces and get some cheap lifesteal on the board.

Facing Warlock

The mirror matchup is heavily dependent on who delays his fatigue ramps the longest. Encroaching insanity deals more damage to you the more fatigue ramp ups you played before after all, so you really have to keep track of your fatigue count.

General Opinion

I think I fell in love with this deck. It is so dynamic and you can play out your combo pieces in so many ways that every game feels different. Also, the feeling of healing back to 30 from <10 HP is just way too satisfying in an aggro match up. However it is definitely not the easiest deck and you really really have to keep track of your fatigue counter or you might blow yourself up accidentally with an encroaching insanity. If you have a hard time remembering the damage you are going to deal to your enemy with your next play of encroaching insanity, just multiply the amount of times you casted it with 4 and subtract 1. For example, if you played 2 encroaching insanity your next cast will be the third. So you calculate (3 * 4) - 1 = 11 damage to the enemy with the next cast. However, this does not work for calculting the damage you'll get, so only use it to calculate the damage your opponent is going to take.

Final Words

Overall I am pretty with my first climb to Legend. I had quite a lot of fun with both decks and it didn't feel as hopeless as when I was playing Excavate Rogue last month. Warlock really seems to be in a good place overall right now, with multiple viable decks and I am really looking forward to the new cards coming with the Mini Deck tomorrow.
Anyways, if you mad it this far thank you for reading through this wall of text. If you have any suggestions on how I can improve my posts in the future feel free to tell me about it, I am always looking for ways to improve myself.
Have a nice day/week/month/year. :)
Last but not least, here are the deck codes of the deck variants I used:

Deck Codes

Fatigue Warlock: AAECAf0GBJqzBoCeBsekBqzRBQ30xgWEngbHwgXmxQXIwgX1+AWjoAaJmQb3owaioAamqAbdwgWFjgYAAA==
Snake Warlock: AAECAf0GBsekBpygBPr5BYCeBqb7BazRBQzZ0AWFjgbYmAacwQbKgwbvmwbxgAb4owbQgwaJtQbI6wWmqAYAAA==

Disclaimer: I have to shorten the words on this one because the chapter had gone on for to long and stole the word count limit. Every person in this section has my deepest and most sincere thanks for the art, memes, and love they have shown my series.
Thank you to: for proofreading, editing, and this art. Check his fic here!
u/Talentlessfurry for this art.
u/Roddcherry for adding Novel to the charismas party he drew.
u/everyveryever for this art.
u/Emotion-Senior for the meme.
u/Orphandestroyer99 for the comic and art.
u/abrachoo for the meme.
u/guaiwutongzhi for the art.
u/United_Patriots for the art.
u/migulehove for the art(s).
u/aMANTEIGAdo for the art.
u/SlimyRage for the art.
Thank you to each and every one of these amazing people!
CW: Accidental Substance Abuse
Memory Transcription Subject: Novel, Kolshian Scientist and Self-Proclaimed “Gamer God”
Date {standardized human time}: October 19th, 2136
The elevator ride took a lot longer than I would have liked, my excitement and anticipation making it difficult to stand still. Ada’s room was almost at the top floor of the building — along with those of the other members of my herd — making it take a bit longer to get to than most of the other Humans’ I’ve visited while here.
Seems they are keeping the various tribes in their own groups. The fourth floor has the Germans, French, Polish, and Austrians, with a few Danes and Swedes mixed in. I wonder if they did that to keep the different tribes from fighting with ones they don’t like? Doubtful really, everyone seems to get along well enough, disregarding a couple jabs here and there. Probably just makes geographical sense to put them together.
My pondering was broken with a soft ding of the old elevator doors opening. I stepped out of the elevator quickly and took in my surroundings. There were very few humans milling about the quiet halls as they went about their business. One human with comfy-looking pelts had noticed me step out of the elevator and had frozen where they stood. After a short, yet still uncomfortably awkward moment, I gave a wave with one of my upper appendages and walked down a different hall.
A few moments later, I pulled out my pad to look at the message Sindre sent me.
Room 441, hailey and i went to get some stuff for the sesh. ada will be there in a bit. see you soon, {censored}
From: Sindre(Human)
I quickly typed out my own message.
Thank you! I’ll meet you there!
From: Me
Stowing the pad, I made my way there. Along the way I encountered several more Humans, each of which having some sort of reaction to my presence. Mostly just freezing in place or casting glances at me as I walked by. Some of them recognized me, either from when we baked together, or when I was in the rec room when the news dropped and gave me a wave in return. There was one case though when a Terran exited their room, saw me, and let out a noise I can only describe as a squeal before diving back into their room.
That last one confused me to no end, as I had never seen that reaction from a human before. I considered knocking on the door before thinking better of it and continuing down the hall to my destination.
How curious… I'll have to ask Ada about that human and why they ran away from me... Heh, prey scaring predators. Not so long ago, such a concept would’ve been seen as the ultimate goal, any real-world examples derided as only that of a dreamer’s fallacy, and yet now… I don’t think I like the idea so much…
I made a mental note to apologize to them if we ever meet again and kept walking, this time with my form hunched and my pace a little faster than before so I could avoid bothering the Terrans as much. It seemed to work, and the humans seemed to look away a little faster than they had previously.
Arriving at Ada’s door, though, I composed myself as best I could, straightening my back and taking a deep breath to calm myself. I knocked on the door a few times, only for it to open a slight amount. Cocking my head in confusion, I listened to the slight groaning of the hinges before I gently pushed it the rest of the way, the door creaking loudly in resistance.
The room smelled of wax and freshly harvested Othll bark, like I had just walked into the home improvement aisle of a store. Walking further inside showed me the source of the smell, which was a set of candles sitting on top of a nightstand in the corner… next to a fire alarm with the battery taken out.
That’s a little concerning… that can’t be safe at least. I should tell her to put it back in when I see her… wherever she is.
Looking around the room some more showed it to be quite unkempt, with pelts and other junk laying strewn haphazardly across the floor. Personal knick-knacks and picture frames sat on shelves and tables around the room, making the places feel a lot more homely than the other rooms I’d been in. A large TV sat on the other side of the room across from the bed, which had been recently used, going by the blanket on the floor and the pillows tossed about. Against the wall next to the bed was a large couch that had clearly seen better paws, the top layer peeling heavily and scattering the little bits of plastic covering everywhere.
Sitting next to the TV appeared to be some sort of Terran gaming console, complete with bright colors plastered across its many faces and with several different wires coming out of it. Far more than there should be, since part of the case it was in had been smashed to fit more cabling into. Tools, used wires, and broken plastic laid scattered next to the patchwork job.
Seems they really did modify it. Makes sense, since I doubt it would normally work on our systems at all… we should really put that fire alarm back in…
Just as I started walking over to inspect it, my lower tentacle caught something soft on one of the suckers. Looking down showed it to be one of the chest pelts Ada had been wearing the paw I met her. Closer inspection showed the whole floor was covered in discarded pelts, including some I had never seen before!
I let out a sigh as I looked around at the mess… I hope she doesn't mind if I cleaned up a bit.
And that's exactly what I did as I waited for my host to return. It did not take long for me to find the garbage can and hamper she used for her used pelts. While I worked though the piles, I took note of the stranger clothes I saw. Most of them were the regular chest pelts that I’d seen every human wear, but others were completely unique or otherwise somehow unusual.
One such example was what I can only describe as some sort of winter gear? It had a very intricate design on the front made of lace and a very soft interior made of a kind of purple fabric. What made it even more strange was that I found several of these scattered around the room, meaning that she was wearing these pretty regularly too!
Hmmm… perhaps it is meant to keep their ears warm? That would explain the strap on the back, as it would be meant to go under their chin. That doesn’t explain why she would be using it though, and to have so many! It must get cold in here when the A/C kicks in, I guess. This place is really old after all.
Either way, they went into the hamper. I left the tools where they were, in case they belonged to different people, but everything else went straight into the trash. The whole process was pretty exhausting, but the room ended up looking much nicer than it had before!
Just as I finished bagging up the garbage can, the door gave a loud creak as Ada stepped in wearing some pretty comfortable-looking pelts similar to the ones she had been wearing a few paws ago, pink prey head slippers and all.
A few {seconds} pass as she starts pulling out clear totes full of what I assume to be her things before I break out of my confusion and flick her a tail wave.
“Hey Ada! Whe-”
“AAAAHHH!!!”
She screamed as she stumbled onto her back, causing me to drop the bag and jump in fright. We stared at each other for a moment before Ada spoke up.
“Nov’?! What the fuck are you doing in here?! You weren't… ya Allah, you scared the crap out of me!”
My arms and tentacles raised up in a pleading gesture after I realized what I did. “S-sorry! I-I thought you would see me! And Sindre said to meet you here? F-for the games?”
Ada took a few more moments to calm down on the floor, but eventually, she stood up and took a few breaths. “You’re fine, squiddie… Sindre didn’t mention how close you were so… oh well, doesn't matter I guess. Uh, what’s in the bag you got there? Also… where are all of my clothes?”
At her observation, I picked up the trash bag and held it up for her to see. “Well… your room was a bit of a mess, a-and you were gone, so I did a bit of… cleaning? Nothing major, just throwing away some trash and putting the pelts in the hamper.”
“Oh, well, thanks Nov. I was gonna get to that befor-” Suddenly she stops herself mid-sentence. Her eyes widen as she casts her forward-facing gaze over to the pelts’ bin.
For some reason, the human's usual light brown features darken considerably with a crimson bloom. Ada turned to look at me, and I gave my best happy expression I could muster to put her at ease. This time, the human's face twisted into an obvious forced snarl before she gave up, running a hand down her face.
“Novel, j-just a heads up for the future, it’s considered rude to go through someone's room and touch their… pelts without permission. They are, um, quite personal belongings, and we don’t let other people touch certain ones. Fuck, uh, don’t tell the other two about this either. It would be, eugh…” Ada’s snarl gets larger as she looks back to the hamper, the crimson still blooming across her face. My tail flicked curiously as I looked between her and the pelt basket.
How peculiar… Hailey seemed just fine with dumping all sorts of pelts on me when she was showing them off. Perhaps that's because she studies it, so in that case it’s seen as okay? Maybe it has more to deal with how I came in here without her supervision? Predators are known to be territorial in the wild, and the Humans seem to be that way as well with their many borders. Letting someone into your ‘territory’ must be a pretty personal thing in the first place. Which would mean that she must be upset that I just walked in here and started messing with things! Speh!
A tentacle reached out, or up I suppose, to Ada’s shoulder while my tail signaled my sincerest apologies. “I-I am so sorry, Ada. If I knew, I would have never touched anything! Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone! Do you want me to… put it back the way I found it?”
The human seemed to find my appeasement worthy as she let out a quiet laugh. “No, Nov’, you’re just fine. Thanks for cleaning up too, I guess; I was gonna do it myself, but oh well… not something we need to talk about.” She lets out another laugh as she walks over to the modified console and grabs a controller.
Yet, before she could get a word out, there was a sharp knock on the door, followed by it swinging open to reveal the last two members of our herd. Sindre came in first, carrying several different bags filled to the brim with snacks of all varieties. He gave a simple head nod and rushed over to the table by the TV to deposit his haul, dropping a few on the floor in his haste.
Hailey walked in right behind him with a plastic grocery bag over her shoulder filled with many different colored bottles of drink and a tray of small dark-brown squares covered in plastic wrap. Her free hand gave us both a wave while she walked to the table in a much calmer manner, at least when compared to her compatriot.
We both gave our own wave in return while I spoke up. “Hey guys! Welcome! What did you get from the kitchen?”
Hailey set her things down on the table. “Not much. Some dried fruit, chips, cookies, soda, juice, and even some fresh brownies someone made! I assumed they were for the taking since they had a few trays sitting out to cool down, but we didn’t really have time to ask since we kinda rushed up here. Oh, and the kitchen stinks to high hell for some reason. Might have to tell Emmanual about that.”
My head tilted curiously at the information as Ada and Sindre moved the couch over to where I was standing. Once it was in place, I took a seat at the opposite end from Hailey. “Well, I’m glad you got what you wanted! Do you mind if I take one of those, uh, brownies?”
She gave me a hand wave as I reached over and undid the plastic wrap around the treats. They were still quite warm from the kitchen! I took a small bite out of the corner to get a taste of it, only to then gobble up the whole thing in one bite.
This is amazing! It’s like strayu but… richer? With an almost cough medicine aftertaste mixed with that strange spice? Such a strange and yet fascinating combination!
“Such a weird taste… but definitely a good one! Are there any more downstairs?” I asked while covering my mouth as best I could for the sake of manners.
She took one herself and took a small bite. “Yep, at least a couple more trays from what we saw. Though I bet most of those will be gone once word gets around.”
My head nodded solemnly as I picked up another.
Might as well enjoy them while we can!
Ada walked over to me and flicked the space in between my eyes with her fingers. Her other hand passed me a human game controller before taking a seat right next to me. “Save some for us, ya green goblin! Pretty sure we’re meant to share those!”
The humans let out a soft chuckle while my face warmed in embarrassment. Luckily, they didn’t stay focused on it for long before she pointed to the controller. “So, do you need help with that? It’s not exactly built for you.”
Moving it around in my appendages was more than enough to prove that fact, but I tried to give her a dismissive tail wave while sitting down. “Don’t worry… I should be able to make this work…” I said while using all four of my limbs to hold the piece of plastic. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it’ll do the job for now.
“Not the first time I had to do this. There are a lot of different species on Aafa, and some of them have very strange, uh, manipulators… you just have to get used to it.”
There may not have been a lot, or really any other species in my home town, but that college certainly did. Me and Cloyta used to hang out with a few different herds whenever we had the time. That Tilfish remote was an interesting experience to use. Having to use smells to figure out a puzzle in a game like it was normal was really something else.
The TV and console suddenly turned on with a bright flash as Sindre held out a remote towards them both. He used his controller to navigate to a menu on the system to reveal a vast collection of Human games. I grabbed my pad out of my pack to translate some of the games as Sindre scrolled by.
Doom of Kevsar, Helldivers: Super Dating Simulator, Papa’s Pizzeria, Skyrim 2… all these seem fine, I guess. At least not super violent like I thought… A good sign!
Sindre spoke up first as he continued to look through the archive. “Anyway, we were talking the other day about which game to show you first, but we couldn’t agree on what would be the best showcase. So instead of one game voted in from all of us, we are each going to show you a game we think you’ll like best. Sounds good?”
My tail thumped against the back of the couch in acceptance. “Yup! That actually sounds really great! Get to see a wider spectrum of human ‘entertainment!’ Who’s going first?”
“Sindre is…” Hailey speaks up in between bites of her confection, “His system, his pick… still think it’s a dumb fucking game though.” He says as he stops his scrolling and arrives at a very brightly colored preview with several… Humans? Human-like creatures in what look like Dossur vehicles?
He presses a button to select the game as a grin grows on his face. “Hey, Mario Kart Galaxy 3 is a classic! You’re just mad because you’re bad at it.” Sindre turns his head to me while Hailey leans forward. “You’ll love it, I swear. Really shows off the real Humanity we have to hide from you guys.”
“That's for a good reason, you dolt. But it’s your choice…” Hailey said while wiping her hands on a napkin.
I hoped he was right as some cheerful music started playing.
{Memory Transcription Time Advancement: 19 Terran standard minutes…}
Sindre was right! This is fun!
The upbeat music continues to play as I make another turn around a corner, drifting a little to build up some momentum. The ‘Birdo’ creature in my ‘Kart’ does a little dance as I time it right and get a small speed boost, sending me further down the multi-colored track.
“Hmmhmmmhm, hmhmhmm~.” I tried my best to hum along to the music as I continued with the race.
I never would have thought that a racing game could be interesting. Cloyta and I played a few when we were much younger, but they seemed slow in comparison. Usually had a goal at the end as well, like delivering some fruits to a market, or maybe trading on spacefaring merchant vessels in the more complex ones.
It was super fun though! Competing against each other felt a little off, but I wrote it off as a Human cultural thing. A way of bonding, as with most things for them it seems. Other than that, I found the racing to be a lot of fun! There was so much going on, and yet it somehow managed to really keep you aware of everything going on at all times.
A projectile here, a fruit peel trap there, there was so much to think about that I almost forgot to pay attention to the humans! Which, if I weren’t here to study them, might have been a good thing. There were times the competitive nature of the game seemed to draw something else out of them, something I hadn’t expected.
It was… well…
“If I run into one more fucking banana, I will kick you down a flight of stairs and jump on your head from the top step!”
“How the hell did that hit ME!? Broken fucking hitboxes in this shitty ass game!”
“GET YOUR CRUSTY TOAD ASS OFF ME BEFORE I RIP YOU ASSHOLE TO ASSHOLE!!!”
…intense.
My enjoyment of the game seemed to be pretty one-sided unfortunately. Even by the already high standards of the Humans’ previous banter, this was truly something else. While I was still learning the game and slowly climbed up the leaderboard, the Humans all led the herd by taking the top 3 spots every time. They were so close together in some of the races that it was nearly impossible to tell who would win until the last moment, making their yelling even more vicious and bloodthirsty.
There were times I thought they were about to get physically violent with each other once it got to the final lap, but thankfully, it never came to that, aside from maybe some light pushing. Their… banter? Fighting? Uh… verbal abuse towards each other made learning the game a lot harder too since every time I tried to ask a question, my voice would get drowned out in all the yelling. They did show me the basic controls before we started, but it’s a little hard to ask for pointers when your coaches are threatening severe bodily harm against each other.
As I drifted around another sharp turn, my mind wandered back to what Sindre said when we’d first started:
‘Really shows off the real Humanity we have to hide from you guys.’
Was this supposed to be the ‘real Humanity’? I sure hope not… I think I’d prefer if they actually came to blows instead of continuing this barrage of foulness they are constantly spewing. They don’t even seem to be enjoying it! They have to be doing it for a reason… right?
I continued to think as I continued down the track and finished my second lap. The argument was starting to build up again as the stakes started to rise.
“Oh, yeah, of course you get a red shell in 2nd and I get fucking bananas in 3RD! Gotta love this piece of shit game!!” Hailey shouted, leaning forward like she was about to pounce on the TV.
“Not my fault you can’t aim for shit, dumbass! Just throw better!” Sindre quipped back.
“How about I throw you out a five story window?! I mean, I would if your fatass wouldn't snap the floorboards if I tried!” Ada finished it as he gave her an aggressive shove with his shoulder.
Yet, unlike how I expected, she didn’t push back. That's what makes this all so confusing! Each time they antagonize each other, the other person does it back, and they just stop! Their words sound like they mean it to hurt, and their actions reflect that… but they aren’t acting on it.
Hmm… the ‘real Humanity’, huh… Maybe I’m approaching this the wrong way? Something less about who the Humans are, so to speak, but more how they feel? They’ve been awfully emotional in every interaction I’ve ever had with them… Aggressive, too, admittedly. Maybe… maybe this is a way for them to vent some of that aggression safely? Around people they really trust with a game you can complain about, but demands too much attention to leave them to do more than yell at each other? Things have been rather… stressful, lately.
My tail thumped a few more times against the dilapidated couch, sending a few more puffs of stuffing into the air. The theory kind of lined up with what I knew, but I was here with the primary source for a reason, after all. I would just ask them, but…
“I am going to FUCKING DEEPFRY THAT FUCKING MUSHROOM {Ass Violin}!!!”
They were busy.
They seem pretty angry… but if it helps them deal with their stress, then I am just fine with it. I’m glad they are getting through it in their own… ‘special’ Human way.
In any case, it was still better than damming it all up until it overflowed and someone really got hurt. Safe in the knowledge that the Humans (probably) wouldn’t actually attack each other, I just resolved to focus on the game instead. The third and final lap was coming around, and things were starting to ramp up even further. The Humans’ false violence got even louder, and coupled with the occasional and really rather distracting limb shooting out and the rapidly intensifying music, my poor heart was not in the best condition as our racers closed in on the finish line.
But then, all of a sudden, something very strange happened. The Humans simultaneously began to curse louder than ever before, screaming and wailing as an odd blue indicator flashed along the top of the screen, indicating some kind of blue spiky ball rapidly approaching us from behind. All three of them illogically slammed on the brakes, clearly trying to dodge the oncoming projectile, but it was to no avail. The ball flew right past my ‘Kart’ and struck the center of the tightly crowded humans, unleashing an explosion of blue fire that stunned all three.
Allowing my Kart, driving at maximum speed in hopes of any shot at outrunning the projectile, to shoot right past them and cross the finish line first.
Wait… what?
A brief silence hung in the air at what just happened until my arms went up in the air
“Hey, look! I won! Hehehe! I didn’t know I would get so lucky on my first try! Is that sort of thing… common…?”
I stopped my celebration as all the Humans were giving me very intense looks with their stares. They lacked the familiar friendliness most Humans looked at me with, but instead seemed much… angrier.
Speh, right. They are still mad from before, and now I just beat them at their own race… O-okay, they don’t mean it, they are upset and need to let it out. Just have to get through it.
Seeing what was about to happen, I curled in on myself and braced myself for the barrage of verbal slurry coming my way. A moment passed as I waited for the insults to fly but… they never came? Opening an eye revealed the Human’s expressions had changed from fury to…
Amusement?
“You alright there Nov’? You’re shaking pretty bad… Was that too much?” Ada asked in a quiet voice while patting me on the back roughly. It took a moment for my brain to catch up before I could speak again.
“O-oh, uh, sorry, I thought you all were going to… yell at me? Like you did with each other?” My voice was a little shaky as I unfurled myself.
All of the Germans seemed to wince a little at that. “Yeah… fuck, sorry about that. Mario Kart is a pretty rage-inducing game. Shoulda thought about that beforehand.”
My tail attempted to signal calm while trapped behind me. “N-no, it’s fine… I did learn a lot actually. It was fun too, besides the yelling part. Um, can we move on though? I think I’ve got enough out of this one.”
Sindre exits the game with a nod while the others let out deep sighs. “Yeah, sorry Nov’. It’s one of the most popular party games Humanity ever made, so I figured it would be a good one to show you. Next is… Ada’s pick… we sure we should do this one?”
The woman turned her head to look at Sindre. “Positive. They have a vegan option in the settings, so it’s not going to get us arrested or anything. Plus, it's a cooperative party game! Feds seem to love that whole ‘herd’ thing, and Nov’ liked the last one so I’m sure it’ll be fine!”
She gave a dismissive hand wave before turning back to me. “It’ll be fine, really. I played this game as a kid all the time, no need to panic, right?” She seemed a little worried at the end of that sentence, so I tried to put on a brave face.
“S-sounds great! What’s it about?” I mentally chastised myself for my stutter and reached towards the table to grab another pastry. “Ahem. There’s nothing predatory in it, right?”
She grabs one herself and a glass of an orange fizzy drink. “Nope, none at all! Just some harmless cooking with your friends! You’ll love it!” Her enthusiasm helped me calm down as the game started booting up on screen.
Overcooked 5: Season of Seasoning.
Looks cheerful at least. Cooking is fun too… It’ll be fine, yeah.
I took a bite out of my brownie as the game's main menu music started to play.
{Memory Transcription Time Advancement: 23 Standard Terran Minutes…}
You know… I think I get it.
A soft relaxing track played in the background as the four little chefs on screen ran around doing various tasks needed to keep the kitchen functioning, like preparing vegetables, or washing dishes. A timer at the top of the screen was slowly counting down while a little ‘onion’ next to it with a Human face rambled on about something or other.
Orders start coming in quick, and all of us get to work in a flash… or at least, all of us SHOULD be.
“Can you three stop licking the dust clouds in the vents and actually do something to help me, PLEASE?!”
A trio of Human giggles was my only response as I leaned forward in concentration.
This game. This brahking game. They should use this for testing for intelligence like those quizzes we took back home, since clearly some people go brain dead trying to do literally anything that isn’t getting in my stars-damned way, or otherwise waste valuable time by huffing the gas coming off the stove!
Finishing up one order of seaweed wraps and lettuce salad, I tried to get back to the kitchen, but was immediately blocked by… a plate on the floor.
“WHO-!! Why is there a plate on the floor?! The counter is literally right there! It’s such a simple job to-” A ding rings out, showing several new orders that needed to be filled. The timer started flashing red as we reached the one ‘minute’ mark.
A deep, frustrated growl builds in my throat, causing my Humans to laugh for some reason, incensing me even further! We all get to work in completing the last orders, however. Things were going well as the Terrans seemed to (finally) get it together to actually make some good food. Sindre had just finished cooking the rice while Ada chopped the carrots. Me and Hailey were putting everything together on the other side and sending it through until—
“Is, oh my stars, did you guys really send over raw rice?! It’s not even partially cooked!! Are you all a bunch of mountain dwellers? Do you eat your dry grass with a side of brahking pebbles and pond scum?! Cook it again!” I threw the rice back, hitting Sindre in the back of the head with the pile of rice, causing his character to fall over with a cartoonish thunk sound effect.
The Germans laughed loudly at the scene, which made my face heat up in frustration. The timer was running short as we waited for the rice to actually be cooked this time.
“Nov’, I, haha, I’m sorry. I’ll get it done this time, have mercy! I thought the last one was done so I-”
My head turned just enough for my eye to be focused solely on the pale Human. “IT WAS BRAHKING RAW!! There's a bar at the top that tells you! Do you need eye surgery?? Can you even pass a driving test??”
More laughter.
“AND STOP LAUGHING AT ME!! IT’S NOT FUNNY!!”
A ding came from the pot to signify it was done. Ada immediately took it out and walked over to the counter to pass it.
“Perfect, now just- what are you doing?”
She wasn’t passing it over. Instead, she was charging up her throw way more than she needed to. I was just about to say something as the clock flashed brightly ‘till she threw the rice at full force.
Directly at my little chef. The rice beamed directly off the side of my character's head, sending me flying away from the plate and sprawled across the kitchen floor as the rice landed gently on the ground.
“ADA!!!!!”
The countdown is drowned out by the humans erupting into laughter as I desperately try and recover. Yet, just as I make it to my feet, the countdown reaches zero, and the mission ends. Defeat fills my chest while the onion man does a little dance to tally up our points.
49600… only two out of three stars…
It’s over…
I slumped against the back of the couch, fury and betrayal stirring in my chest while the predators laughed to each other for several moments. Their raucous, howling laughter eventually started dying down, at least enough for them to actually say something to me.
“Nov’, come on. It’s just a game. I’m, hehehe, I’m sorry okay? We were just having a little fun is all.” She ran her treacherous hands down my back in an effort to calm me, to little effect.
“Dumb game. Stupid… start the next mission…”
She chuckled a bit. “Maybe we should play a different game. You don’t seem real happy playing this one.”
That made my tail flick in light amusement though the frustration. “Now you sound like my Dad…” My anger at the game started to fade more and more, replaced with a growing sensation of guilt. ”I-I think that’s a good idea. Um, sorry about that.”
She removed her hand, but kept her eyes on me and the gooey trail now stringing from her hand. “Eugh… hey, you’re fine. If you can deal with us screaming at each other, then we can handle your little squeaks.”
The other two smiled and nodded in agreement while I looked at her in confusion, feeling a little offended. “My… squeaks? But, um, thank you... W-what's the next game? Hailey’s turn, right?”
On cue, she brushes her mane to the side and starts scrolling down. “Yes, actually! Unlike these two walnuts, I actually picked a relaxing game. A classic. An art piece~” Her hands did a slight flair, yet I remained unmoved.
“Hailey, that's what the other two said too. While those games were… fine, I wouldn’t call them ‘masterpieces.’ Are you sure about this one?” I asked while grabbing another brownie.
I keep eating these things, but I just feel more and more hungry… weird…
The Humans chucked as she selected her game. “Hey, have a little faith in me. I haven't met a Human alive that can say this game is bad. Just watch!”
A flash came from the TV as the game's title came into view.
Minecraft: Anniversary Edition.
“We’ll use one of the worlds we were playing on back on Earth so you can get an idea of what it’s really like. And, uh, make sure it's peaceful too, just in case.”
I took a bite of the treat and settled into my spot, preparing myself for whatever was to come.
{CONTINUED INTO THE COMMENTS}

1. Epic Fantasy
2. Crown Prince: Book One of New Blood
3. New Blood Saga: Book 1
4. W.D. Kilpack III
5. Full Cover
6. 2021 International Firebird Book Award Winner • 2022 The BookFest Award Winner • 2023 Finalist, Best Mentor Character, Indie Ink Awards • 2024 International Impact Book Award Winner • 2020 Runner-Up Sci-Fi/Fantasy Book of the Year, OnlineBookClub.org • Quarter Finalist Screencraft Cinematic Book Competition
7. www.Kilpack.net
8. Available in Paperback/eBook/KU/NOOK/Kobo/Smashwords
9. "The future of all men relies on the Guardian of Maarihk. Will his Sight be true? Or will his impure Firstblood prove the ruin of us all?"
10. Natharr is Guardian of Maarihk, one of a long line of protectors dating back to the Firstborn Age, before the Aa Conquest. Natharr's is an ancient role, rooted in his Firstblood, giving him Sight to see what is yet to be. He adheres to his sacred duties even in the centuries since the Firstborn were forced to the brink of extinction by the Aa. Natharr still stands guard over all men, Aa or Firstborn, Seeing what will come to pass, deciding what is unavoidable and what is not. He spends decades planning how to save the life of the newborn Crown Prince Vikari so he may one day reclaim the throne of the land where Mankind was created, back in the time when the Olde Gods still walked.
11. • "I've been won over by Crown Prince! The world is deeply conceived. The prose is well crafted. The solemn, almost-inhuman Guardian/seer standing guard during a deadly siege as the young queen gives birth makes for a hell of a great start! That weightiness to his character was a key point of interest to me that comes across right from the opening pages, plunging right into the thick of it for a wonderful change of pace. Crown Prince is intriguing, grand, strange, and shadowed by ill-omens. It is Shakespearean." — Tom Mock, author of The Long Nights • "A very good book ... [and] a very great read! Natharr is very much tested as he strives to save the life of newborn Crown Prince Vikari. This book reads wonderfully, and I am grateful to have had the opportunity to get to know the story. It is full of pulse-pounding adventure and also features great, extensive world-building! Definitely a recommend from me!” — Philip Chase, Ph.D., medievalist and author of The Way of Edan • 5/5 Stars — "Author W.D. Kilpack III presents an atmospheric and immersive journey into a richly crafted fantasy world, balancing a strong character-led adventure with a wider web of plots, setting up a highly complex and enjoyable fantasy saga to follow. There’s a clear flair for character, dialogue, and attitude from the start, with Natharr's intense presence affecting all who encounter him and making for some really dynamic clashes. The weightiness of his responsibilities and the depth of the world-building immediately gripped my attention and, as the story unfolded, the way the characters’ attitudes and actions were shaped by the realism of the worldbuilding was totally compelling. This book delivers on every promise of pulse-pounding adventure — thanks to the swift pacing of the plot, coupled with dark storytelling, strong descriptive skills, and captivating character development that balances emotion with duty well. Overall, I would certainly recommend Crown Prince as an incredible opener to an exciting new fantasy series, and I’m all the more eager to continue exploring this fantastical realm." — K.C. Finn, USA Today best-selling author of The Book of Shade for Reader's Favorite • 5/5 Stars — "The literary creator in his act of creationism. Such is W. D. Kilpack III in his intriguing invention of Crown Prince: Book One of New Blood. Intermingling real world matters of both realm and state, and legendary phenomena of ancient times, Kilpack builds a mythical epic of worlds within worlds, all suspended in time and universal fantastical realism. He has crafted an imaginative tale perfect for lovers of mysticism, magic, ancient battles, romance, and supernatural fantasy. Natharr, the Guardian of Maarihk, is one of the Firstbborn [with] abilities like the gift of prophetic Sight, and he [is] charged with protecting and preparing the newly born prince of the realm, Vikari, until he is ready to take his rightful place as heir to his father’s throne. Set in a richly imagined and described enigmatic world, the story explores themes of family, love, friendship, destiny, time, and power. Adventure and action keep the reader quickly turning the pages ... deliver[ing] a strong narrative of structure, character development, and world building, which smoothly paves the way for the next book in the series, Order Of Light, which I cannot wait to read. Crown Prince is a masterful example of original storytelling, a phenomenal literary creation!" — K.L. Davidson, author of Ten Thousand Fields (British Columbia, Canada) • 4/4 Stars — "Crown Prince stands out with amazing descriptions, complex characters, and intriguing supernatural elements. Book one in the New Blood [Saga], the storyline is incredibly promising. The author has a flair for setting the scene and creating memorable characters. I absolutely loved the descriptive prowess of this author, the thing I enjoyed most about the book ... W. D. Kilpack III genuinely takes the time to help us immerse in the fantasy world, no matter if he describes a battle scene, a peaceful moment, or a mythological creature like a Hamadryad or a Manticore, he always manages to conjure the best images in our minds. The author does a great job of incorporating the supernatural elements in a general atmosphere of myth and legend ... there was nothing I disliked about this novel. I am rating Crown Prince 4 out of 4 stars ... fans of sword-and-sorcery fantasy will definitely find this novel a delightful read ... the series has the potential to acquire epic dimensions ... I am looking forward to reading the sequel, Order of Light." — OnlineBookClub.org • 5/5 Stars — "I absolutely love Crown Prince! It is a very dark epic-fantasy story following a very intimate cast of characters. The way things unfold, you’re thrown into the thick of the action right from the beginning that sinks you in right. The way events unfold to the way characters come together, you cannot help but keep flipping the pages. By the end, I was so invested, I felt so intimate with these characters, that I had to find out what happens next, so I immediately ordered book two, Order of Light! It’s such a good story! It’s such a dark-but-good story, with very good character work, you get really close with these characters, and you can’t help but want to know what happens next!" — Usman, host of Bards and Books YouTube channel (British Columbia, Canada) • 5/5 Stars — With the maps and appendix, "the characters' names, titles, and the names of fascinating places all conjured up by the mind of W. D. Kilpack III [helped] me better understand the intricate facets of this novel. Creating worlds and characters is not a easy, but the author did an excellent job. Crown Prince has everything you want: intertwining sword scenes, the battles of a war, kings, queens, knights, magic, fairies, love, sex, great beasts, and unthinkable dangers thatNatharr has to endure. Kilpack puts you in the middle as Vikari starts to grow and learn. So does Natharr for he begins to love the child as his own. Kilpack's ability to crystally describe a scene [was] like I was taking part in a meal or a sword fight. Crown Prince flowed smoothly and any fan of fantasy will rejoice [and] if you have never read a fantasy novel (like me), this one will get you hooked into the genre." — Jose F. Nodar, author of Books, Pens & Larceny (South Wales, Australia) • 5/5 Stars — "Crown Prince is one of the most brilliant fantasy novels that I have ever had the pleasure of reading and a book I am now obsessed with! Crown Prince is an incredible, thrilling and memorable story that will take its readers on a journey like no other. Crown Prince captivated me from the first page thanks to the book's sharp literature and strong opening ... [the author] is not only a phenomenal writer for his flawless ability to capture his reader's attention, but he is also a great writer for his descriptive powers and characterization of characters which will hook his readers! Crown Prince is a sensational, thrilling and addictive story that will thrill you as well as entertain you." — RedHeadedBookLover.com • 5/5 Butterflies — "Crown Prince was such a delight to read! Normally, we don't see the child growing up ... or really get a chance to get attached to whoever raised him. This author took that trope, shook it up and turned it into something amazing! We get to see the heir as a baby, to see him grow up [and] develop that close bond a son has with his father. It's a really beautiful thing ... normally glazed over in this type of story ... but you get to see how strong their bond is. I'm so grateful! Something else I really enjoyed is how well Darshelle and Natharr played off each other. Often, they have deep conversations that involve a culture clash, where they may not agree with each other's perspective, but they are willing to try to understand. I [also] loved this author's world building, especially the magic forest and all the interesting creatures that live in it! The village of the cat-people was such a fun scene and so interesting showing the cat-people society and how it was different. It was really fun! If you don't grab yourself a copy of Crown Prince, you're doing yourself a huge disservice! It's a wonderful story and such a fun read!" — Madam Crystal Butterfly • 5/5 Stars — "Kilpack delivers a stunning blow to the belief that Indie-Fantasy is worth any less that its salt. Crown Prince is a well-crafted epic with unique plot mechanisms, well-developed and believable characters, and a world grounded in the visceral and the real. I could not recommend this series any higher!" — Clay Vermulm, co-host of Sinister Soup Podcast • 5/5 Stars — "A fantastic world of swords and magic! A very strong start to the series! W.D. Kilpack III does know how to draw a reader into a world of swords and magic. I found myself unable to put the book down, diving deeper into the fantastic world. I can say, that I am a fan of his work and will soon be reading Order of Light, the second book from the New Blood [Saga]." — BooksShelf.com • 5/5 Stars — Crown Prince is "a great mix of fantasy and action and adventure! It kept me on my toes the whole time and I was completely hooked! The world building in this book is amazing. I could read 20 books in this world. The fight scenes and characters are amazing. They pull you in so deeply ... that I didn't want to stop reading way past when I should have!" — Jay.Rae.Reads • 5/5 Stars — Crown Prince illustrates "the burden of knowledge and the responsibilities involved in being able to see the future. Natharr is a great hero: think Aragorn/Alanon/Teddy Roosevelt. He bears the burden of being Guardian of Maarihk with dignity but, at the same time, is human and has flaws, like having a bit of a temper. Darshelle is conflicted and a walking contradiction, being proud and strong, while still insecure and flawed. I love the world, where magic is more subtle, while there is another element that reminded me of Greek mythology, because the gods are real and took direct action in history. There is some violence, which seems to fit well within the framework of this world where epic fantasy and realism are intertwined." — Critic, Salt Lake City, UT • 5/5 Stars — Crown Prince is "a fantastic tale filled with all things beautiful, dark, and magical! Filled with adventure and drama! The author's world is absolutely stunning, and I can't wait to read the next installment in the story!" — Cherumanalil (Bangalore, India) • 4/4 Stars — Crown Prince is "an adventure full of thrilling moments [that] hook you right from page one. Each page has a new secret to unfold. This book made a mark on my mind and now I cam curious to read the other books in the series. I loved reading it and have rated it four stars. Books like these deserve the hype!" — Read With Emilee • 5/5 Stars — "From the start you are drawn into a world of fantasy. With each page, you want more. The author gives the feel you are the character fighting for your life and those you defend. A great read, with the power to keep you from putting it down. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in something new, with a twist and feel of a classic fantasy!" — Tom Carr, author of Talking to Yourself in the Dark • 4/4 Stars — Crown Prince is "an absolutely brilliant fantasy read ... [Kilpack created] a master introduction. The plot building was incredible. The journey sucks you in so much that you immediately want to carry on with the series. I'll definitely complete this series." — Twilight Reader (Wales) • 4/4 Stars — "If you're looking for something new with a a twist of classic fantasy, this is for you. It amazes me that someone can create an entire world from scratch with everything that this involes. Character building is wonderful and the descriptions of what happens are good. It is very detailed, so you get immersed in the story. Lots of things happen in this book. [Crown Prince] is a good and strong start for a new series!" — June.Reads (London, England) • 4/4 Stars — Crown Prince is "a lovely fantasy. Great read! Great characters! Writing style amazing! I loved this world. A new author I discovered and hope to read more from this author in the future!" — Rhianny DD Morris (South Wales, Australia) • 4.7/5 Stars — Crown Prince "transported me into a world where life-and-death situations were commonplace and everyone had a cause to fight for! The distinction between the Firstborn and the Aa was fascinating [and] really got me hooked! The characters are fantastic, descriptions of battles draw in you and there's a shock in every chapter! I love fantasy books and I'll add this to my pile of highly recommended sagas!" — Books with Gina (England) • 4.5/5 Stars — Crown Prince is like "watching a movie. The author has narrated ... in a very fluent and visual way. It is an adventurous and twisted novel that will always keep the reader wanting more. Every page is a new unfolding and a new mystery. The plot is exquisite and emphasizes important values like willpower, determination, and truth. A captivating read [especially] those in search of something abnormally smart!" — Reads.Nancy • 4.5/5 Stars — "Crown Prince is one of the most fantastic fantasy books that I have read so far! The book is a blend of thrills, mystery, fun, excitement, and drama! It has got everything that a good book should have. The plot is unpredictable and twisted. So much is happening all at once, but the smooth narration takes care of it all." — Just Pratibha (India) • 4/5 Stars — "A fantastic read! What a grand story in Crown Prince. I am very impressed with the writing and storytelling. Kilpack does a great job of building a world filled with princes, pasts that dictate the future. Kilpack details the scenes, filled with action, and brings the creatures to life! Crown Prince is filled with swords and sorcery, magic, myths and legends, that really bring it as believable. This author is a great storyteller. The story brings the reader on a superb journey. Who could ask for more when it's filled with magical/fantastical creatures and other interesting beings?" — Amy's Bookshelf • "Once I got into [Crown Prince], I struggled to put it down! The world Kilpack has created is so detailed and imaginative you can't help but be drawn in. This book is a fantasy that give you war, knights, romance and hidden dangers. It covers it all! As the first in the series, it sets the scene brilliantly ... I would recommend this book to anyone who likes fantasy books and fairytales!" — Kat Books Teas Cakes (UK) • "I had the pleasure of reading Crown Prince and Kilpack — he makes maps, folks! — emphasizes detail. The characters are living real lives, even though it's a fantasy. It was well done! He built his world with great care and precision." — Ken Weene, Ph.D., co-host of the Let's Talk It Over videocast
12. Warnings: Violence, Sexual Content, Mature Themes; suitable for older teens and adults.
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So, let me start off by saying that I've always been fascinated by stories of people having encounters with ET's, but that is all they were to me ... stories. I didn't really have a solid stance on the matter as it was hard to wrap my mind around as factual since I never experienced anything personally and I have trust issues with certain things that I hear from people. I pretty much research things on my own and hope for the best lol, I do not claim to know much of anything and I like to keep an open mind to the best of my abilities.
Recently, I've been deep diving into my healing journey as I am dealing with a lot of unknown trauma. I don't remember much of my childhood at all, but I have a few memories as early as 2yo. I have started meditating a few months back and trying to ground myself and possibly regain some of my lost memories. I wasn't very successful... until I was. However, I started seeing symbols and geometric shapes during my first breakthrough and felt my body heavily vibrating. The more I practiced, I found that I was able to control the vibrations and sort of play around with it. One day I was focusing my energy into my third eye and started hearing ringing in my ears that eventually turned into a double ringing and immediately an image of a gray alien popped up into my view. It was only there for a few seconds before I lost focus. It had big black eyes that looked like polished obsidian, and I just remember being so mesmerized by them. I just assumed that It was a figure of my imagination and I pushed past it as I was told not to dwell on what I see during meditation.
Fast forward 2 months, I was in my kitchen when I noticed this breathtaking golden eagle outside my window soaring around in the sky, we normally don't see them in my area, so I was just watching it fly around and then something in the sky flashed really bright and caught my attention (It was a clear blue sky kind of day, no clouds in sight), I quickly glanced at it and saw two white oval objects in the sky going by very quick, over my house, they were very close together and they seemed to have this invisible barrier around them that looked like heat waves forming a perfect layer around them. Like a bubble but not? I'm not sure how to describe it. Since seeing them that day, I have been seeing a lot of other similar things in the sky like that and other anomalies around the same time in the morning. Not only that but I have started feeling things around me that aren't there. Like for example, I would walk into a room and get an uneasy feeling of being watched, the hairs on my body would stand up despite being at a normal temperature, I see flashes of white lights randomly in the closets and the bathroom and I see shadows moving at the corner of my eyes. I feel like I'm losing my mind at times.
Another thing that has been strange is that I'm now having dreams again. I haven't had dreams that I could remember for a few years (since my last pregnancy). These dreams are so clear, I've been able to write them down in detail. These dreams that I've had felt like I was living another life completely. I had one where I was fleeing from something in another country, I was with 2 small children who were emotionless and I remember feeling panicked, and trying to get them to safely, I remember being separated from the kids and a man i want to say was my husband in the dream and I was led away by another man, a hostil man who then murdered me by hitting my head with some object. These dreams are random, but they felt real.
There was one dream that stuck out from the rest and it honestly gives me chills because I remember thinking in my dream to check my arms and legs to see if it was actually me, and it was. In this dream I remember being on this property that was sort of on a hill, it looked like a cottage that had these large wooden pilars that held up a large balcony. I remember standing in the backyard and just looking up at the stars appearing as the sun was setting. I was outside with 14 different strangers who I knew I didn't recognize, but they all felt familiar to me somehow. I suddenly started seeing crafts in the sky, like around 20 of them and I started jumping like a kid in excitement trying to get everyone to look at them. They were all in awe and everytime I would look up they would appear to be closer. The last one appeared really close to the house and it looked like your typical craft with the dome and there were lots of lights around the bottom of it. It was so close that I could feel some type of energy hitting my body. I remember just jumping and waving at it. They all flew off over the house and I remember we all went inside to eat.
The next thing I knew I was standing inside by the back door, which was very wide and around 7ft tall with a large rectangular window above it. I was standing beside some guy who I felt a bond with, maybe a brother type connection or a very good friend. I remember just looking up at this window and the first thing I noticed was that the lights from the inside were creating a glare, but then I saw a face, it was the same alien face that I saw during my meditative state, the same jet black eyes, which were very glossy. And then beside it were 2 other beings that looked half alien and half human. They had long dark hair from what I could tell and their eyes were not black but light in colour. They were just hovering or standing there, not sure how tall they were but they were above the doorway looking through the window, just starting at me. The guy beside me also saw them because he was frozen, he wasn't moving and I assume he was shocked. Everyone else was oblivious to what was going on as they were all mingling in the kitchen. Despite being shocked myself at first glance, I felt a calming feeling starting from my feet and creeping its way up my body. When it reached the top of my head I remember closing my eyes and then waking up.
I have a strong sense that it is the same entity that I saw during my meditation. For some reason, I just know. I've tried letting this go, brushing it off and moving on with my life and continuing with my healing journey. However, I still feel weird energies around me, I still feel like I'm being watched and weird things are continuing to happen to me. I have nobody to really reach out to about this without people looking at me like I'm crazy. I'm looking into regression therapy for my missing memories, and I'm trying to document everything from random bruises on my body to my dreams and the anomalies I see as that is the advice I found on the web. Something is compelling me to reach out online in hopes that I will reach people with similar experiences. I feel very alone right now, sort of trapped in my head. Is it even possible for aliens to connect with me through my dreams? Please feel free to share your experiences with me so I don't feel so crazy 🙃😮‍💨