Link for all the chapters available for free here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
Having said his piece, Rene had expected the woman to accept her role as a prisoner of the Fleet. But no sooner had he taken his knee of her back than she was at him again, rolling over and cursing as she tried to spit him on her claws. Training kicked in and Rene applied the wrestling component of his hand-to-hand combat course. He secured underhooks with his arms, locking them together with his hands and hugging her tight from behind. Zildiz bucked and twisted around in a futile attempt to make room for her blades, even managing to get one of her knees beneath her and push off the ground. Rene allowed her to gain her feet, cunningly using the opening to slip the loop of his encircling arms around her waist. Now in complete control of her center of gravity, Rene swung his leg out and arched his back, heaving her up and over like a sack of turnips in a textbook suplex. A fraction of a second before he smashed the top of her skull into the hard ground, he remembered that he was supposed to keep prisoners alive and preferably not in a vegetative state, and so he cushioned the fall with his own body, falling on his side to increase surface area and dissipate the force.
Zildiz was caught totally by surprise. Unlike Rene she had neglected to tuck in her chin before the moment of impact, a vital detail which was one of the first things a recruit was taught to do on the mats.
“Oof!” she said as all the breath slammed out of her by the throw. Rene felt her body go limp as her dazed senses tried to adjust to the violent change of orientation. He took advantage of this moment of weakness and looped his legs around her body, locking his ankles together to form a full body triangle. His left forearm punched up and took her neck in a rear naked choke, a suffocating vise formed by the insides of his elbow crushing her windpipe and carotid arteries.
“I warned you,” he told her. His choking hand grabbed the inside of his other elbow, right forearm sneaking behind her neck and under his armpit, tightening the garrote even further.
“Had enough?”
“Hrrnnkk…” Zildiz choked. She lifted an arm and slid back the blade until it was the length of a finger, deliberately giving Rene the universal gesture to go and fornicate with himself, before sheathing the claw entirely and aiming her fist at him over her shoulder.
Rene ducked as the blade shot out again, only just avoiding it going through his eye socket and into his brain. As it was, it only nicked his temple, sending warm lines of blood trickling down his visor. Rene hugged her even tighter, constricting the chokehold until he heard her breathing reduced to an agonized wheeze. He throttled her until she stopped moving, her struggles weakening until she went completely lax. Then he held the choke for exactly three seconds longer, counting carefully to avoid giving her lasting brain damage. He let go and was relieved to hear her snoring faintly. Gently rolling her onto her back so she didn’t suffocate in the dirt, Rene cast about for a means to secure his prisoner. He had only a few seconds before she regained consciousness. Quickly he cut some vines from the surrounding trees and knotted them into a crude rope. He flipped her back over again and tied her hands at the wrists and elbows. He had no illusions that it would hold her for long. He tied her wings together at their bases for good measure. She had two sets of them, but the larger pair was missing one of its partners that had been torn off at the socket to reveal a gaping wound. They were wondrously tough membranes considering how thin and flexible they were, as sturdy as ultrapod leather. Rene looked over his work and loosened it a bit so as not to cut off the circulation in her arms. It wasn’t bad for something done on the fly. Then again, he’d been playing this whole thing by ear ever since the ambush that had cut his unit to pieces. Ye gods, but that whole experience felt like a lifetime ago. He had not expected to ever use that component of his hand-to-hand training designed for fighting human opponents. Of course, he’d helped put down a fair share of civil unrest in his time, but even during the worst of the food riots in Mound Ulysses he’d never so much as given a person a light shove. The civilians knew better than to antagonize a battalion of the Fleet’s finest over something as routine and reoccurring as a government rationing in the face of crop failure.
He felt quite bad about having to roughhouse the woman, that is, until she sat up awake and glowered hatefully at him, coughing and retching.
“Don’t,” he pleaded with her in exasperation as she gave him the old stink eye, “I don’t want to fight you again.”
“Why?” she spat defiantly, “Afraid you’d lose?”
“Uh huh,” Rene grunted, amused and even a little impressed by her spunk. She couldn’t have weighed more than sixty kilos soaking wet and was at least half a foot shorter than him even with that exomorph of hers, but this woman was all fight and no quit. She would have to be, living on the surface world and facing these abominations day after day. Rene looked at the dismembered corpses of the black-furred devils and had a sudden jolt of inspiration. As Zildiz tested the strength of her restraints Rene went over to the monster he had chopped to bits and poked the misshapen hump on its back, which had excreted thick ribbons of silk at the moment of death. Feeling more than a little squeamish, Rene pulled on the threads of silk. He had only meant to collect two or three meters of the material, but more and more of the stuff kept unwinding out its glands like a handkerchief from a magician’s pocket. Eventually his hands became enmeshed in the horrid stuff and he had to struggle like the dickens to unstick himself and scrape it off onto a bush where it stuck like a lumpy hammock. Remembering how his enemy had plugged the stab wound in its gut, Rene snapped off a twig and curled it into the white mess like those vendors at the fairs did with candy cloud treats, ending up with a spool of silk. He applied it to the cut on his temple by winding it around his head like a bandage, and was gratified when it stopped the bleeding almost immediately. He heard the rustle of dead leaves and turned around to find Zildiz furtively attempting to sidle away from him.
“Don’t even try it,” he told her, “Or I’ll run you down and knock you senseless. I’m taking you back to civilization. The Fleet needs to know what it’s up against out here, and you’re a veritable trove of information.”
Zildiz squatted back down and stared at him, simmering with resentment. Rene shook his head and continued his work, moving on to the monster that had been the first to die at the woman’s hands. Cutting open its hump, Rene was rewarded with a dense lump of thread still packed inside its spinneret. He took another twig and spooled it in, then wrapped the bundle of silk in a large leaf.
A leg twitched of its own accord. Rene nearly dropped the bundle as he sprang back, sword upraised. The devil’s limbs began doing a tap dance and Rene relaxed a bit, recognizing it as the onset of rigor mortis. The side of its face was split open and hanging loosely by a strap of flesh. Struck by a nagging suspicion, Rene stooped down and peeled off the segments of its head, holding the edge of his sword against its neck to decapitate it in the event that it proved too lively for his liking.
The musculature and armor tore away just like it had with Zildiz’s helm, and for the second time that night he found himself staring into the face of another living human being. Only this time it was a man whose face was utterly disfigured, a perversion of the basic form. In the place of his lower jaw were fingerlike protrusions of gummy tissue and exposed nerve endings. His nose cartilage was likewise missing, leaving only a pair of holes dribbling with snot. The man blinked, and glassy eyes with almost no whites at their edges fixed Rene in their gaze.
“Kill…me…” the man whispered.
Rene began to shake uncontrollably, wiping a trembling hand across his mouth as he was forced to consider the carnage he’d just wrought in a new and horrifying light. These weren’t three dead monsters littering the jungle floor; these were three dead men, and some of them he had killed himself.
“Kill me!” the man begged him. He was young, barely Rene’s age, his smooth skin untroubled by the wrinkles of age and worry. He had clear brown pupils and dark, expressive brows. If it weren’t for all the rest of him, Rene might’ve mistaken him for a fresh-faced recruit at the academy, or a paperboy climbing up the terraced apartments of inner hive to deliver news of the Fleet’s latest victory.
On unsteady legs Rene staggered back to Zildiz’s side and away from the awful truth he had uncovered.
“Something the matter?” Zildiz asked in a gleeful tone, “Feeling a little worse for wear, are we?”
“Shut it,” Rene said distantly. He dragged Zildiz to her feet and began winding the silk around her wrists, layering them over thick and tying them off with a simple knot. He kept the vines on her for added insurance and told her to start walking.
“Where to?” she demanded.
“I’m not feeding you to my children, if that’s what you’re asking,” he muttered, “I don’t have any to begin with, and even if I did, I sure as hell wouldn’t raise them to be cannibals.”
Zildiz didn’t move, so Rene grabbed her and frog marched her away. He had no real destination in mind—he just had to get away from this place and the bodies he’d made. Zildiz rounded on Rene, saying:
“Aren’t you going to deal with him? I only severed his neural connection to paralyze his exomorph. He’s still very much alive.”
“No!” Rene yelled, “That’s not how I—how people do things. Almighty ancestors, is that so hard for you to grasp?”
“Yes,” Zildiz replied quite candidly.
“He’s a living, breathing human being. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but those are pretty rare on Arachnea and worth keeping around.”
“No. He is a Leaper. After extracting your gilt helix, he and his packmates would devoured you right then and there.”
“That’s why you saved me, isn’t it? So they couldn’t obtain this shiny helix thing?”
Zildiz ignored his question, continuing:
“If you leave him here, at best he will die of exposure. At worst, his tribe will come looking for him, and if they find him, they will run us down and kill us anyway.”
Rene bit his lip. She spoke the truth and they both knew it. But after all this world had already taken from him, there remained one thing which he refused to part with. And Rene knew that if he gave in now and took the expedient option—the sensible option—he would be surrendering it forever.
“Sorry,” he said finally, “That’s against the rules.”
He dragged Zildiz over to the Leaper and spoke to him, saying:
“I won’t kill you. I’m not about to eat you either, so you can stop begging for a quick death. As long as you tell me what I want to know, we’ll leave you here and go our separate ways. I might even patch your wounds if you’re cooperative. Does that strike you as a fair bargain?”
The Leaper met this pronouncement with a look of utter perplexity that mirrored the one on Zildiz’s face.
“I’ll take that silence as a yes,” Rene said impatiently, “You’ll begin by telling me your name.”
“Kryptusshh,” the Leaper said slowly, as if not daring to hope.
“Very good. Are there any more of your people out there, Kryptus?”
“Why sshhould I trusht you? I would only be dooming more of my kindred, and there issh no certainty you would not kill me afterwardssh.”
“It’s a chance you have to take,” Rene shrugged, “Either that, or I’ll let this woman do as she pleases with you. And just between you and me,” he said in a loud stage whisper, “She doesn’t seem all that fond of your sort.”
Zildiz and Kryptus locked eyes with each other. Rene could almost feel the waves of hatred coming off her as she bristled, every tendon in her body tensing expectantly. Kryptus must have seen something he didn’t like, for he looked away and said:
“I am a warrior of the Weeping Vipersh. We are roughly eleven hundred sshtrong. One tenth of that number are bravesshh like me.”
“He lies,” Zildiz said, baring her teeth in a snarl, “That is less than half their true strength. He does not count the adolescents and the old loom-mothers, who are the deadliest of their kind.”
“Three hundred, then, if they are consshidered,” Kryptman quickly admitted, “Your pardon, merciful one.”
“I’ll excuse your forgetfulness just this once,” Rene warned, “But your memory better not fail you again.”
He questioned the Leaper closely. Kryptus claimed that only he and his pack had seen the safety pod’s crash landing, and that they had told no one else as they wished to claim the great prize all for themselves. The Weeping Vipers were the largest tribe in the rainforest and were always looking for an advantage over their numerous and belligerent neighbors. Apparently Kryptus had hoped to gain a modicum of the Divine Engine’s power by extracting something called a ‘gilt helix’ from Rene’s blood.
“Jussht one sample would have shatishfied uss,” Kryptus swore, “Then we would have taken you back to the Loom alive.”
“I’m sure nothing would’ve pleased you better,” Rene said wryly, all too cognizant of Zildiz’s earlier assumption that he planned to feed her to the Fleet’s youth.
Rene learned from Kryptus that the Divine Engine had ignited a blazing wildfire that was swiftly spreading north and west. The tribes would likely have noticed it by now, and would all be sending braves in a joint effort to douse the flames. For some reason all the Leapers felt collectively responsible for the wellbeing of the region, and could not allow it to come to harm for fear of dire repercussions.
“Last question. Is anyone going to come looking for you?”
“Not till the morning.”
“Good!” said Zildiz, breaking out of Rene’s grip and aiming a vicious kick at the side of the Leaper’s head. Rene barely caught her and yanked her back, shouting:
“Blood and thunder, woman! Is there nothing you won’t do to piss me off?”
“Are you insane? You cannot possibly mean to leave him alive!” the Gallivant hissed.
“That’s exactly what I’m going to do. Now come here!”
Rene took her by the elbow and pulled her forward, leaving Kryptus where he lay.
“You promished you would tend to my woundssh!” the Leaper cried after them.
“Don’t push your luck!” Rene said over his shoulder, “Anyone who follows us will meet the same end as your friends.”
He and his prisoner went tramping off into the night, Zildiz raging at him all the while.
“Fool! We will both come to regret that decision!”
“You’re probably right,” Rene had to agree.
“Then why did you do it?”
“For the same reason I’m letting you strut around and screech into my ear. What can I say? I’m a conversationalist.”
Link for all the chapters available for free here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road

This really is just a vent, just so tired from this process but had to let it out somewhere. So we are hopefully going to close on Tuesday, and it’s been a long time coming since our offer was accepted in March. Our lender is such a prick.
I had an old post on this, but we originally went with him because we felt pressure to (he was recommended by our realtor) in order to have a timely close and to protect our initial deposit. He didn’t find us the best rate (he eventually did match it) - a different lender did and we wish we had gone with that guy.
This guy has been in the industry for a long time, which means he’s shit at explaining the process because it’s all automatic to him. It seems like every question we have has been met with this condescending attitude: “come on, id expect a CPA to know this” (im an accountant but that is unrelated to the home buying process so that is just a stupid comment). He’s always saying how he’s never had this question before, when we are asking what we think are pretty basic things like “how does a float down work” or “what should we expect after we lock our rate up until closing (like when are we getting final closing costs, when are we getting a refreshed loan estimate with our locked rate to sign, etc)
Anyways, we got our clear to close yesterday, and initial closing documents and signed them because our closing is Tuesday. Yesterday, we also saw that rates dropped below 7%, so I sent a note to him asking if we would be able to float down our rate. We weren’t sure if the rate moved enough to qualify so was just asking the question in case we could save some $. This morning he emails us and says we can float it down and we would need to also pay for points (I.e. more closing costs). I call him immediately and say we never agreed to paying for points, we aren’t interested in doing that because break even period is too long. Also, we could have paid for points originally, but didn’t - still don’t understand why he would think we would be cool all of a sudden paying for points. Anyways he comes back and says he’s already involved all the senior people in his company to make this float down happen because they are so rare, it’s all in motion already, and basically we should be grateful he did this for us. I had read in this sub that sometimes the lender will give you a credit to fund the discount points you’re paying for, so I ask if this is an option because we don’t have anymore cash to spend on closing. He says that him even asking this question is going to delay our closing, in fact, the longer it takes us to decide on this on the phone is going to delay closing, and just keeps pushing us to pay for points if we want a timely closing. It was just unnecessary pressure and insane - it almost felt like he was threatening us to either pay for points, otherwise our closing would be delayed.
Anyways, hopefully it will all work out and we will close on time. I just stayed firm and said forget the float down, just to stick to what we originally had in the ICD. But man I’m so tired of this guy - he’s an ass.
I guess if you made it all the way to the bottom of this vent:

• did I fuck up by asking if we could float our rate down? I just would have thought any reasonable person would see the rate change yesterday and ask if it was an option, just in case. Lender is acting like we messed up by asking this question and “no one else has ever asked to float the rate down at the eleventh hour” but we thought it was an obvious “worth the question” situation. He could have just said no?
• we are hoping to refinance with a different lender later this year and never talk to this guy again. how soon do you have to wait before you can refinance with a different lender?

Can anyone relate to any of this, or is it just us?? Thanks for listening.

The people involved (names are changed):
Jake – me
Tom – my flatmate
Kath – Tom’s girlfriend
Emily – Kath’s flatmate
TLDR (but context is very important for how the situation develops):
· Me and Emily get with each other at a party.
· It turns out Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me. Since Emily went and did it anyway, Kath falls out with her.
· Kath ends her friendship with Emily. Me and Emily continue seeing each other.
· When I plan to go to see Emily at their apartment, Tom tells me that Kath is in a really dark place mentally, and the thought of me and Emily being there together while Kath’s there is triggering her anxiety, so he asks me not to go over.
· Me and Emily follow these instructions for months, all whilst Tom and Kath continue coming and going to either of our apartments as they please.
· Emily eventually gets in touch with Kath to try and understand exactly why me coming over is an issue, since Kath has no problem coming to my place. Kath has a meltdown due to this and it makes her suicidal.
· Tom falls out with me because I knew about the messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
(Skip to 'Late April' if you want to go straight to the crux of this post, but I do think it's quite an entertaining read).
Background Context
Me and Tom (both mid-twenties) have lived together in our apartment since I moved to the city last year. I’ve known him for several years and would put him in my inner circle of closest friends, so living with him was all just good chill vibes as expected - or at least it was for the first six months.
I met Tom’s girlfriend of several months, Kath, for the first time pretty soon after moving in. Although she was kind of shy, I thought she seemed nice enough. I noticed that Kath would seem to lean on Tom a fair amount when it came to support for her mental health (she had been diagnosed with anxiety), which of course is normal as her boyfriend. On one occasion, she had a particularly bad anxious episode during a group hangout, with Tom consoling her about it afterwards. Following this, Tom seemed exhausted, saying to me “I’m not a professional, I’m not equipped to deal with all this mental health stuff. She needs help from someone who can adequately help her deal with these thoughts. When she blows things out of proportion and she stresses out to me about her anxiety, it just ends up making my own anxiety worse”. He also said that he had even offered to pay for therapy for Kath, but she didn’t want to accept it.
I just felt bad for Tom, especially since I had some understanding of what he was going through. I had previously had a girlfriend who had anxiety/depression/BPD and put all her mental health issues on me. That girlfriend was also very manipulative and would mention suicidal thoughts any time she started feeling like she was losing control over me (just to be clear, there was no indication that Kath was acting in a manipulative way towards Tom at that point). In my experience, when you end up in a situation where you’re essentially acting as someone’s full-time personal mental health counsellor, it hardly ever ends well.
At some point in January, I met Kath’s “bestie” flatmate, Emily. I remember thinking she was cute, seemed nice and easy to talk to. We all hung out as a group a few times that month and I thought there may have been a little bit of a vibe between me and Emily.
So as you do, I slid into Emily’s DMs and basically let her know I was interested. I messaged her a week or two before our party that her and Kath were coming to, but her response was lukewarm so I just thought she probably wasn’t interested.
For context, I had recently broken up with my girlfriend in January, who had just got back from travelling for the last 6 months. Things in that relationship weren’t great before she even went travelling, and during the months she was away I had come to terms with the fact that it was best to end it. I waited until she was back to say it in person, as I didn’t want to drop that on her while she was travelling and ruin that once in a lifetime experience. However, deep down I knew I had wanted talk to other girls and explore new connections for the last few months, but obviously I didn’t want talk to anyone until it was cleanly over. Me messaging Emily was only a few days after breaking up with her, which I guess isn’t great, but in my head I had been ready to move on for a while, I saw no point in putting an arbitrary time limit on myself. I made sure to explain this context when I messaged Emily so that she was aware of my recent circumstances.
The Party (End of January)
So me and Emily end up getting with each other at the party. Initially, when I brought up me messaging her, she said “I think you’re cute, but I think it’s best we just be friends for the next couple months, since you just recently got out of a relationship, and we can see what happens afterwards”. But as the night went on, I guess Emily changed her mind, because as we kept talking it got increasingly flirty and we ended up getting together. Perfect end to the night, right? Not exactly.
At one point when Emily goes to the bathroom, she comes back into my bedroom saying “Kath is furious at me”. I ask why, and she says that Kath had basically forbidden her from getting with me.
Back when I first messaged Emily, she had of course shown Kath the messages straight away. It turns out Kath for some reason had a really intense reaction to this and was like “I can’t believe he has the audacity to hit on my best friend right after breaking up with his girlfriend! It’s so disrespectful using you as a rebound, it’s disrespectful to his ex and it’s disrespectful to me for hitting on my best friend like this! He was the only one of Tom’s friends that I actually liked but he’s ruined that too now!”.
Apparently, Kath had been used as a rebound before and this was triggering for her, so she didn’t want her best friend to be used as a rebound. She said “you can’t get with him, Emily, that’s my boundary.” Emily was a bit taken aback by the intensity of this reaction and was just a bit like “umm okay…?”. She tried a few times before the party to understand a bit more about why Kath had such a problem with it but didn’t get much further explanation than that.
Now, I agree that Emily was in the wrong for saying to Kath that she wouldn’t get with me and then went and did it anyway, and Emily also acknowledges this. Emily should have said from the start she wasn’t okay with this weird “boundary” Kath had set. It was a bit cowardly. Although given how intensely Kath overreacts to things, I can understand why Emily initially just agreed to whatever she was saying to calm her down. I can also understand how when you’re at a party having fun, drinking and realise that you do actually have a good vibe with the person, in the moment you might change your mind and be like “actually fuck that, who the fuck is she to tell me who I can and can’t get with?”.
Kath saw this as Emily having no respect for their friendship, by choosing some guy she’d just met over her. From Emily’s perspective she was choosing herself, choosing not to follow these nonsensical rules that had been imposed on her, and she was just tired of Kath overreacting to everything and trying to control her.
In my opinion, being this controlling for no good reason is pretty disrespectful in itself. Given that Kath’s reason for telling Emily not to get with me was because she didn’t want her to be used as a rebound…well that’s Emily’s risk to take, isn’t it? I can see how from Emily’s perspective, she knew Kath might not be happy about it, but it’s also not some deep betrayal, since based on the reason Kath gave, the consequence would only be on Emily herself. Emily had the exact same knowledge about my recent relationship status as Kath did, so why did Kath think she can tell her what to do?
As we get to further into this post and the real reason why Kath set this “boundary” is revealed, you will see why I actually think any argument Kath has against Emily for getting with me at the party is automatically void, but we will learn these details as they come.
Start of February
After the events of the party, Kath didn’t want to talk to Emily the next day when she tried to initiate communication via message (Kath tends to avoid in-person confrontation). Fair enough, Emily gave her space. Me and Emily spend the next day together just talking and getting to know each other more, and it’s clear that we vibe together and both feel very comfortable with each other, which is pretty rare for both of us.
I don’t see Tom for the first few days after the party, as he had been staying at Kath’s. When I do, I’m a bit surprised that he didn’t think much of Kath’s reaction at the party. He says “yeah I probably should have warned you about this beforehand”. We both agree that Emily was in the wrong for going back on what she said, but also that Kath shouldn’t have tried to control her like that. He did say “sorry I know this put you in an awkward position”.
A few days after the party, Emily again tries to get in touch with Kath via message.
Emily’s message essentially apologised for her actions, saying she was in the wrong for going back on what she said, and that she should have said from the start that she wasn’t happy with this “boundary”. She also said that Kath shouldn’t have tried to dictate her life and tell her what to do, especially when it’s something that’s none of her business, and that she is going to continue seeing me, taking the risk of being a “rebound”.
Kath’s response essentially said the whole incident at the party was only a small part of why she exploded so intensely, this was just the last in a long line of things Emily had done in the past which she had not forgiven her for. This was just the last straw for Kath because “it hit so close to home, so close to the love of my life”. She wanted things to be civil between them until the end of their tenancy, but this was essentially the end of their friendship.
Okay good, Kath flipping out so badly now finally made a bit more sense to me. Obviously, I wanted to know what Emily had done that was so bad to cause this, as any indicators of bad character would inform whether I choose to keep talking to her.
Emily went through these, explaining that these were incidents from their past that they had discussed at the time, dealt with and moved on from. I have cut these out for the word limit as they don’t add much to this post, but it was the most minor, nonsensical things (I can explain in the comments if anyone wants details).
In any case, I wasn’t particularly interested in what mistakes Emily might have made months or years ago, I was more interested in what her character was like now and going forward.
Early/Mid February
So here’s where the main situation we’re in now starts. For context, Kath and Emily’s apartment is in the city center, close to where both mine and Tom’s offices are, so it would make sense to go over in the evening and go into work from theirs the next morning, as Tom has been doing once or twice a week for the last few months.
It's worth noting that ever since the party right up to the present moment, Emily and Kath have not been interacting at all, avoiding each other in their apartment, only messaging for things like bill payments.
The first time I planned to go stay round Emily’s place was early/mid-February. When I mention this to Tom, he tells me that Kath has been having a really bad time mentally since the party, and the thought of me and Emily being there together triggers her anxiety. He asks me not to go over to their apartment for the next couple of weeks or so while she’s in this particularly bad phase. I don’t really understand what me going over and seeing Emily has to do with Kath’s anxiety (and Tom says he doesn't really understand it either himself), but I say okay fine it’s not that big of deal, I won’t go over for the time being.
Now, a valid question for myself is why I decided to keep seeing Emily, despite knowing that Kath had fallen out with her and therefore knowing it could potentially cause fiction between me and Tom. I don’t think I did anything wrong for several reasons:
· I suppose there’s the general visceral reaction against being told what to do. Like mind your own business, it’s not my fault Kath decided to get involved in my business. Why should she get what she wants when she’s the one being unreasonable? Why should we deny ourselves the opportunity of getting to know someone we seem to vibe with just because Tom’s girlfriend doesn’t like it?
· Before I even knew there was any issue at all, it was already too late; I had already gotten with Emily, they had already fallen out, and Kath already thought I was a dickhead. So what good would it do now to not see each other? Kath already didn’t like me (and she had also previously told me that once she doesn’t like someone, there’s no going back, they’re finished in her mind).
· In the initial first few days after the party, both me and Tom were kind of expecting that Kath’s reaction would blow over in a few days after she had cooled down. How could I have predicted that her reaction would instead continue getting increasingly intense as the situation went on?
· Frankly, I was annoyed at Tom at this point. He knew how Kath had reacted to me messaging Emily, so why did he just bend over and enable his girlfriends’ controlling, unreasonable behavior without question? If it was my girlfriend acting like this generally, I’d be like “why are you getting involved in their business, just let them do what they want?”, and especially so if it was directly affecting one of my close friends.
· Fundamentally, there’s no inherent reason why there had to be any issue at all? Okay Kath has ended her friendship with Emily and might not like that we’re seeing each other, but there’s no need for there to be any continued drama. Obviously we won’t all be hanging out as a four having fun like I had initially hoped, but that doesn’t mean we can’t just exist as adults and be civil? The only reason this continues to be an issue in the first place is because Kath is making it an issue for everyone else involved.
· Finally, I actually like Emily – from the first few days it was clear it wasn’t just going to be a FWB situation. If it felt like more of a superficial FWB situation, then yeah I probably would have just thought it’s not worth the drama, even though I thought Kath was the one in the wrong.
Late February
Over the month of February, me and Emily keep hanging out and getting closer. Whilst I was keeping a very close eye on her for any sign of character flaws (it was still possible that Kath could be in the right, even though her side of it didn’t make much sense to me), the more I got to know her, the more it seemed my initial judgment of her was accurate. I saw how she acted with her other friends, they all seemed to really value and appreciate her. I saw her helping out her friend in need of a fairly large amount of money without a second thought, I saw her going to accompany her friend for a medical scan they had, and generally she was really nice and thoughtful with me. Not exactly the behavior of an inconsiderate person.
Sometime in late February, Emily messages me completely baffled. She couldn’t believe that Kath had invited over a girl from their social circle, Dianne. The reason why this is a bit scandalous is because Kath is always talking shit about Dianne behind her back. And it’s not just “she can be a bit annoying sometimes”, it’s an explicit sentiment of how much she dislikes her, how much of a bad person she is and how much she wants her removed from her life. And she does this frequently, I barely speak to Kath and even I’ve heard her rant about how much she doesn’t like Dianne. So, she’s constantly saying this kind of stuff behind her back, and here she is now inviting her round for tea acting all friendly. I just found that so two-faced and this inevitably shaped my perception of Kath being deceptive.
Not long after I heard about this, Kath was round our place over the weekend. Me, Tom and Kath were heading off to our friend’s housewarming party later that day, with me driving us. At one point when the three of us are all in the kitchen, Kath speaks to me properly for the first time since the party, basically to clear the air. She says she doesn’t want there to be any bad blood between us and that her problem wasn’t with me, it was with Emily. I just say that I was cool with her, I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with me or when coming over to our apartment, and that the situation between her and Emily was between them and not my business.
I wasn’t entirely convinced with her “clearing the air”, given that I had seen she apparently has no issue with being two-faced, but at the time I thought it was best to stay cool with her for the sake of me and Tom’s friendship and also I didn’t particularly fancy spending the rest of the day and a long car ride with awkward vibes.
End of February
At the end of February, Tom asks me how things are going with Emily and basically advises caution with her. He says that from what he’s seen she’s basically not a good person and she’s generally inconsiderate. I tell him I find that surprising from what I’ve seen of Emily, but I know it’s possible she could have just been putting on a front for the last month. I openly accept this, saying “I want to hear what you have to say, obviously you’re my friend and I respect your opinion”.
Essentially, he doesn’t bring up anything that I hadn’t already been told.
When I question Tom on why Kath thought she was a mind reader and assuming what my intentions were with Emily at the very start of this whole thing, Tom reveals he had since found out that the real reason Kath had forbidden Emily from getting with me in the first place actually wasn’t really to do with me recently breaking up with my girlfriend/using Emily as a rebound (Tom said this was a minor part of the reason, more of an excuse to base it on). It was more that Kath already knew beforehand that she wanted to end her friendship with Emily and was essentially trying to prevent her still being part of her life (i.e. by getting close to her boyfriend’s friend/flatmate).
Now it all made sense why Kath tried to “ban” her from getting with me in the first place. I’m not sure if Tom thought telling me this would make me more sympathetic to Kath’s side of it, but if anything, this deceptive behavior was even more of a red flag to me. As far as everyone (except for Kath) was concerned, her and Emily were best friends. Kath had even said to Emily a couple of weeks before the party that “she was like a sister to her”.
Tom didn’t seem to have much issue with this, saying something along the lines of “yeah I know she shouldn’t have kept all this stuff bottled up, but she doesn’t like confrontation, it makes her really anxious”.
After learning this, I think any argument for Emily being in the wrong for disobeying Kath’s instructions at the party is automatically void: Imagine having the audacity to be like “yeah I know I tried to control you by framing it as me being a protective friend looking out for you, but actually it was really because I wanted to end my friendship with you anyway teehee 😊”. In my view that is just so manipulative. No wonder the reason given to Emily for not getting with me made no sense to her.
When I revealed this to Emily, she said that she had been suspecting that was the case anyway, but it still really hurt to hear it confirmed.
Form her perspective it was like: “So was Kath holding all these grudges all the times I was consoling her for whatever mental health issue she was having at any given time?” (I wonder if Tom was thinking what a bad person Emily was when it was him and Emily staying up till stupid o’clock trying to console Kath who was crying about job applications a few weeks before all this kicked off). There are many other examples of things she had done for Kath in both the recent and more distant past.
Kath also knew that Emily’s best friend had killed herself a few years prior, and after going through the loss of her best friend, Emily had always said she was super hesitant to call anyone her “best friend”. Kath knew about this and still let Emily believe they were best friends, whilst she clearly didn’t really mean it, which I think is quite cruel of her.
Despite what I had seen of Emily so far, I still took what Tom said into account, and continued to watch her carefully.
Mid March
Another couple of weeks pass and given that my last interaction with Kath was her clearing the air with me, I thought everything was now cool between us. I mention to Tom at the start of the week that I’m planning to stay at their apartment later that week and he says “okay cool”. However, later that same evening, he once again asks me not to go over to their apartment. Apparently when he told Kath that I was going over, she started having a panic attack at the thought of me going there.
At this point I’m really started to get frustrated at this situation and again I try to understand exactly what the problem is, because this entire time Kath and Tom have been coming and going to either apartment as they please, so Kath clearly doesn’t have a problem coming to my apartment while I’m there. Tom again says that he doesn’t fully understand it himself, and that Kath doesn’t want to feel this way either, but she’s in a really bad place at the moment and me being there with Emily is really triggering her anxiety.
This makes no sense to me or Emily, because we obviously wouldn’t do anything to make Kath uncomfortable, and from our perspective this is just enabling her dysfunctional way of dealing with this situation.
Even though I still don’t understand what the fuck me seeing Emily has got to do with Kath’s mental health, I’m obviously not going to barge my way into someone’s home when I’m not welcome. So once again, I do as I’m told and say I won’t go over. But I do tell Tom that this situation isn’t going to continue going on like this indefinitely, and to me it feels to me like I’m being walked all over, in the sense of “oh yeah no worries, you two carry on going to either apartment as you please, I’ll just sit here like a dickhead and follow my instructions, don’t worry about it 😊”. He does say sorry and that he knows it’s inconvenient for us, but it's an even bigger inconvenience for Kath.
It’s worth bearing in mind that at this point, I could have responded to this situation by saying that if I’m not welcome at her apartment, Kath is not welcome here (or equally Emily could say to Kath “you can’t bring Tom round”). Whilst yes, it’s a bit petty, I think this would be a completely justified response to prevent a situation where we are being walked all over. Because what would be the alternative? They just carry on doing as they please indefinitely whilst Emily is told she isn’t allowed to have equal use of her own apartment? Now obviously telling your friend that his girlfriend isn’t allowed to come over is really a last resort and would definitely put a big dent in our friendship, and generally I have no desire to control what anyone else does, so of course I didn’t respond in this way.
Despite my frustration at this entire situation, I do feel bad for Tom because I can see how uncomfortable he seems during these conversations with me, he obviously doesn’t want to give me these unreasonable instructions. I can only assume he’s just trying to do whatever he can to keep his girlfriend afloat and prevent her next meltdown. I’ve been there myself dealing with a girlfriend with mental health issues, so I don’t want to actively make things worse for my friend either. However, I’m also worried that it’s likely to get worse for him the more he feeds into it and gets sucked into it.
At this point, the cynical side of me couldn’t help but wonder if Kath was being a bit manipulative and leaning into all the mental health stuff to maintain control of the situation.
· She seemingly is unable to give a reason for exactly why me and Emily being in her apartment makes her so uncomfortable. To me, this was completely indistinguishable from her just hating the fact that we’re together.
· All this reminds me of exactly the same kind of manipulative behavior I saw with that ex-girlfriend.
· She’s shown she has no problem with being intentionally deceptive – maybe if the entire basis of this situation hadn’t started off with Kath being manipulative she would have a bit more credibility in my eyes.
I know this kind of behavior is often not even intentional, and that it can be subconscious where the person doesn’t even realise they’re being manipulative.
(Still Mid March)
Now we get to the part that pisses me off the most in this whole situation. Only a few days after that conversation with Tom, for some reason Kath comes to stay in our apartment for the weekend while Tom was away at a house party. As in, it’s just me and Kath in my apartment.
Personally, I couldn’t imagine having the nerve to say to someone they aren’t welcome in my home because their presence triggers me, and then only a mere few days later actively choosing to go stay the weekend at their place while it’s just us two in the apartment. Like either my presence triggers you or it doesn’t?
Now to be fair, Tom had asked me a week or two beforehand if Kath could come to our apartment to hang out with someone from our friend group while he was away, and I said that was cool. Anyway, those plans fell through, but Kath still came over by herself.
But the main thing that pissed me off about this is that Tom, after knowing that I was already feeling like I was being taken for a mug in this situation, apparently didn’t even think it was worth bothering to check with me if it was still cool with me that Kath came round, given our conversation a few days prior.
If he’d at least checked in like, “I know it’s a bit weird that she’s coming to stay round by herself after having just said that your presence triggers her anxiety”, I still would’ve said okay, because I have no desire to control what anyone does. But it was just the fact he didn’t seem to care, saying “btw Kath is gonna stay here tonight” moments before leaving to his party.
To me it felt like he had spent the last month or so basically giving me instructions to make sure everyone caters to his girlfriend’s feelings, and yet didn’t give the slightest consideration to how this would make me feel. Part of me was thinking does he even see me as a friend or just as an inconvenience to his relationship at this point?
I spoke to Tom in the week following this, expressing how I had felt about Kath staying round. He did apologise and acknowledged he could’ve checked in with me, but he didn’t really seem to understand why her coming over like that was such a kick in the teeth for me. He said Kath doesn’t have a problem with me, it’s only a very specific situation that triggers her (i.e. me and Emily being in her apartment together).
Again I try to understand exactly why it’s a problem. Ever since the party, Emily’s presence in their apartment has consisted of her quietly staying in her room, quickly cooking her food and going straight back to her room. She doesn’t spend 2 hours in the kitchen making food like Kath and Tom sometimes do when he’s there.
Tom again says he doesn’t fully understand it himself. From what he understands, it’s triggering because her home is her safe space and if we’re both there it’s like there’s two hostile presences in that safe space. He reiterated that she is in a very dark place at the moment, and that she’s been having frequent panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.
Tom then says that Kath would be prepared to leave the apartment if me and Emily wanted to meet there, and Kath would basically get out of the way and come to me and Tom’s apartment instead. This did give me a bit more confidence that Kath wasn’t just purposefully making things difficult.
If Kath genuinely meant this, then of course that’s really appreciated, but I’m obviously not going to make her leave her own home and come all the way to ours to then have a 2 hour commute to her work. It’s so over the top and needless. I think that this clearly isn’t a functional solution going forward. What if one day when we want to meet up, Kath has had a long day at work and doesn’t feel like leaving her apartment (obviously, fair enough!), what if she’s got plans with friends in her apartment that evening? In any case, it’s still a situation where rules are being imposed on us, I can never just spontaneously decide to go see Emily one day after work or something. We still can’t come and go freely in the same way they have been doing for the past two months. It would be much better to understand why exactly it’s such a problem and see how we’re going to find a long-term solution, instead of Kath just running away from it.
The cynical side of me was wondering if Kath was just saying this knowing that neither me or Emily are realistically going to make her leave her own home, and if we do agree to it, then she can say “oh look how inconsiderate they are, making me leave my own home just so that they can be in the apartment”, ensuring that she keeps Tom firmly on her side.
Logically, I would’ve thought as time goes on, Kath would eventually get used to the situation and just accept it. Conversely, is it not quite understandable that the longer we have rules imposed on us, the more frustrated we become?
Once again say that I won’t go over and tell him that I won’t press this issue for the time being.
Late April
So now we get to the latest development in the situation, which is the crux of this post.
For the next month or so after that conversation with Tom, me and Emily have just been following our instructions and not pressed anything, whilst they continue coming and going as they please. One weekend we’re talking about the whole ‘Kath situation’ and we say “okay we’ve left it for a while now, it’s probably time to see how we’re going to move forward with this”.
In that next week, Emily sends Kath the following message:
“Hey, I appreciate this message might be uncomfortable but we need to discuss the fact that Jake can’t come here while you’re at home because I know that him and Tom have spoken about this but we’ve never addressed it with each other and I think it’s unfair that they’ve been largely absorbing this conflict this whole time. Can you please tell me what the exact problem would be and how we could make it work? At the end of the day we both pay equal rent here and I should be allowed to bring someone over, especially considering that Tom comes here whenever you want. We’re nothing more than just 2 housemates now and if you were living with a stranger from Spareroom such restrictions couldn’t have existed. I think I’ve let it slide and should have addressed it earlier, but it’s time we come up with a fair solution and I’d like to know if there’s anything reasonable we can do. I don’t want to go into other conversations about our fallout cause that’s done and dusted now, I want to strictly address this issue. Would you like some notice before he comes? I can’t always guarantee how far in advance I can let you know but I will do my best to give you enough time.”
Kath’s response:
“hey, I do not really appreciate this conversation being brought up 2 days before my birthday and I wish we can settle it today and not drag it on. And I do not appreciate you using Tom as a weapon to guilt trip me either. Please let me know if he is coming over tonight so that I can go somewhere else. As u probably already know I am in a really bad place at the moment and being in the apartment with both of you makes me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe. I’m already struggling to be there and I have been discussing with the agency about terminating the contract early, the terms have only been made clear to me today so I was going to message you about it. By paying a fee of £660 (£330 each) we can terminate the contract 12^th of June and I wish u will consider this. I will be gone from the apartment for 2 weeks. I would really appreciate it if you do not bring him over in the next few days as I said it will be my birthday and I will be gone for 2 weeks after if you decide to do so after this, please let me know at least 2 days in advance so that I can leave (pack clothes and everything), but do not take advantage of this as it is extremely difficult for me to commute to work – it takes me 2 hours on the bus”
Emily’s response to this:
“I don’t appreciate you using your birthday as a “weapon” to paint me as an inconsiderate person once again as you’re saying you were going to message me anyway about terminating the contract. You always have Tom round without any notice, without ever considering if it was ever uncomfortable for me given what’s happened - but now you expect me to organise our schedule around you? We can’t ever do something spontaneous or simply make plans the day before? Jake won’t be coming tonight or in the next few days until you’re away. I was hoping we could talk about why exactly this makes you uncomfortable and unsafe as it’s quite clear we wouldn’t interact with you or do anything to purposely upset/annoy you. You also had no problem being in his apartment with him without Tom there, so clearly his presence must not be that big of a problem. I am going to get back to you about terminating the contract as I have to figure out where I would go, but I’d love nothing more than to leave this apartment as early as possible too.”
There was no response after Emily’s second message.
Tom comes back to our apartment the next day and ignores me all day until the evening when he asks “Did you know that Emily was going to send those messages?”.
I say “Yes, obviously?”. He responds with “Right, okay” and starts walking back towards his room.
I ask him what was wrong with the messages, and he comes back and says “what the fuck is Emily doing sending messages like that to my suicidal girlfriend?”. He essentially thought the tone of the messages, the proximity to Kath’s birthday and the fact that we’re once again bringing up this issue of me coming round was out of order. He also said that Emily’s 2^nd message was implying that she was just going to bring me round without any notice anyway (looking at the message, no it wasn’t? It was just highlighting the unfairness of Kath expecting us to organise our schedule around her? None of the messages say that I’m going to come over, they are essentially just trying to understand exactly why it makes Kath uncomfortable).
We also did note that it was Kath’s birthday on the Friday (messages were sent on Tuesday). Maybe that wasn’t ideal, but we thought what real difference does it make? This is nothing new, it’s the same situation that’s been ongoing for the last 3 months anyway (and personally, I thought that up until the moment Kath says “okay sorry, I shouldn’t have imposed rules on you” then she shouldn’t expect that this won’t be brought up to her?).
I was a bit shocked at how angry he was and explained that we’re just trying to understand exactly what her issue is, because it still doesn’t make any sense to us. I bring up the general point about Kath imposing rules on people and expects everyone to cater to her feelings, whilst zero consideration has been given to how Emily has felt over the last 3 months, when not only does it make her uncomfortable as well that there are two “hostile presences” in her home, but especially given that those hostile presences have told her she’s not allowed to have equal use of her apartment she also pays rent for.
Tom responds with “but it’s not making Emily feel suicidal is it? Kath was having convulsions on the fucking bed last night after those messages. Why do you keep focusing on this tiny issue of coming to the apartment when my girlfriend is literally suicidal? She’s already said she’d make arrangements to leave the apartment for when you want to come over, and yet you keep pressing the issue and triggering her further”.
In that moment I was a bit taken aback and didn’t have much of a response. I kind of just sat and processed that for a few minutes, thinking “fuck, have I actually been in the wrong this whole time?”. Tom looked exhausted and stressed out, he must have been dealing with Kath’s meltdown the whole of the night before.
I say to Tom “tell Kath not to worry about me coming over while she’s there, I’m not going to, I’ll just leave it for good and won’t press this issue anymore”. Tom doesn’t give much of a response, but I think he says “I appreciate it”. He leaves for his two-week holiday shortly after.
I felt really bad that evening, thinking I had caused Tom to have to deal with whatever horrible meltdown because of me pressing this issue. Maybe I had been overly cynical of Kath, and she genuinely was just trying her best and not meaning to be manipulative.
When Tom got back from his holiday, he basically confirmed our friendship is over because I had known about those messages that caused his girlfriend to feel suicidal.
I’ve thought about the situation a lot since he left for his holiday:
· Looking back at the messages Emily sent, I think the tone is completely fine? Every single person I’ve shown the messages to has said they are actually quite kind and empathetic, and way nicer than they need to be given Kath’s behavior over the last 3 months.
· Tom’s reaction was essentially “how dare Emily have the audacity to ask for a reason why she hasn’t been allowed to have equal use of her own apartment for the last 3 months!”
· It’s true that Tom had mentioned that Kath had been having some suicidal thoughts a month prior, but I didn’t know that this would directly impact that, especially since I thought the message was quite nice and sensitive. Just the weekend before this Tom and Kath were out clubbing, having fun and they were going on holiday later that week. So obviously I didn’t realise she was still feeling so bad. How could anyone expect that simply asking the question of “why does this make you so uncomfortable” would result in this reaction.
· As soon as I did realise how intensely Kath had reacted, and what Tom had had to deal with as a result, I backed off straight away, saying that she doesn’t have to worry, I’m not going to press it anymore.
· Realistically, if this is how Kath reacts to being asked for basic fairness, then I think really she needs to be in a mental health crisis center or hospital, not just carrying on with everyday life as if everything is fine, and certainly not in a situation where she’s imposing rules on people.
· At the end of the day, Kath’s mental health is not my responsibility, nor is it Tom’s responsibility. I think it’s unfair of Kath to have made it his problem to such a large degree.
Logically, I don’t think I’m in the wrong, and yet Tom’s reaction to this makes me feel like I’m going crazy. That’s why I wrote out everything’s that’s happened from start to finish to “audit” myself and evaluate each of my actions throughout the entire situation.
I’ve looked back and don’t think I’m in the wrong for anything I’ve done. The only explanation I can think of is that Tom has been so deep in all of Kath’s mental health stuff 24/7 that he’s just not thinking clearly about this situation.

BoxOfficeTheory Presale Tracking
USA Showtimes As of May 10
Presales Data (Google Sheets Link)
BoxOfficeReport Previews
DOMESTIC PRESALES
Back to Black Thursday Comps/Predictions: $0.35M/$0.37M

• abracadabra1998 ($0.35M Thursday comp. Probably looking at EA around $100k from these numbers, it's limited to Dolby only though so it's quite tiny (May 15). Yikes bikes (May 12).)
  
• crazymoviekid ($0.39M Thursday and $1.21M Friday comp. We're back up to $.3M-$.5M Thursday while Friday is pretty consistent, still around $1.15M-$1.4M. Estimated OW: $4.5M-$5.5M (May 16). Knocking this down to $.25M Thursday. Despite relatively strong sales, comps are low around $1.25M for Friday (May 15). Not great. Let's say $.3M (May 14).)
  
• el sid ($0.38M Thursday comp. Average tomorrow will probably be around 400k (May 15).)
  
• filmlover (Looking at the sales even for the early shows on Wednesday it's on the anemic side (and nothing that's likely to boost it over the next days). Feels like we're about to see how low a biopic about a famous musician can go (May 10).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex ($0.38M Thursday comp.)
  
• Relevation ($0.26M Thursday comp. And for how shitty IF did, Back to Black cratered even harder, and likely would've been the worst selling movie I've ever tracked had I not run numbers a little late. Sub-$300K THU and a $2.5-4M OW (May 15).)
  
• Rorschach (Zero tickets sold on Thursday and only four on Friday. I don't think I'll be missing much (May 13).)
  

IF Thursday Comps/Predictions: $1.72M/$1.80M

• abracadabra1998 ($1.5M Thursday comp. Really good update here, FINALLY! Been waiting for this. This is encouraging for sure. With this growth now maybe shooting for a finish near 1.75 or maybe even approach 2. Eek. Zero sales day only a few days before previews, when you're dealing with a very low baseline. I'm not sure what's happening here (May 15). Most comps did move the right direction. If it keeps trending up perhaps I can see a finish around $1.5M Thursday. One thing to peep at: the MTC1 ratio (59%) is unusually large compared to other family releases. At T-2, other releases' MTC1 % was at: KFP4: 51%, Migration: 34%, Wonka: 59%, Wish: 35%, Trolls: 24%. So much more comparable to Wonka and KFP4; maybe something to think about when looking at keyser's numbers and thinking of the ratio there (May 14). My model has been pretty good for animated/family releases in the past, hence why every comp is so eerily similar. Still, looking at others' numbers and how much lower mine are, I am wondering if summer break might be something to consider here; from what I am aware, here in Minnesota most school districts don't start break until June (May 13). Hoping for some real acceleration this last week but not looking good (May 12). One week out, not impressed in the slightest (May 9). Rising against comps as expected, due to the short release window, but I am still failing to see anything that suggests the numbers given by some other outlets (May 5).)
  
• AniNate (All I can say is if you look at Tinseltown Canton presales the IF projections ($30M+) seem pretty reasonable. I will grant they might've booked more screens than necessary for it (May 16). I'm gonna guess that Nick IP spot for IF this morning ratcheted up interest, Fri-Sun sales at Canton now close to 200. Also of those 200 about 50 were for XD. Not the usual overwhelming presale split but not insignificant for a kids movie also playing on two standard screens (May 13). 45 sold at the five nearest Cinemarks for Thursday previews so far, so yeah there's evidently some kind of regional variation (May 13). I definitely haven't seen as much of a rush here with Garfield as with IF (May 11). I dunno, I have no comps but I feel like local presales is a pretty sizable haul a week in advance for an original non-Disney kids movie (May 9).)
  
• crazymoviekid ($2.43M Thursday and $8.49M Friday comp. Not a great day. Back down to $1.75M-$2M Thursday but pretty good day for Friday, bumping up to $7M-$7.5M. Estimate OW: $27M-$29M (May 16). Comps mostly are up. Adjusting up to around $2M-$2.25M Thursday. Unless this plays like Elemental, we're aiming around $6.5M-$7M Friday. Estimated OW: $25M-$27M (May 15). Definitely looking around $1.75M Thursday for now (May 14).
  
• DAJK (Selling pretty well so far here (May 4).)
  
• el sid ($2.4M Thursday comp. Friday up so-so 116% since last Monday. I chose Jungle Cruise, Dolittle, Elemental, Minions 2 and Sonic 2 as comps (always counted on Monday of the release week for Friday) and the true Friday number for IF would be 6.6M at the moment. In this case the comparison numbers were very similar, around 6-7M. Overall it was a boring counting today which lasted too long for so few action. And judging from some random samples Garfield also saw no significant jumps (I also didn't expect much, it's still too early IMO). Thursday up 92% since last Monday. I hoped for a bit better jump till today :( but it's also not too bad. So for Friday no big numbers but up 75% since last Monday (and the jump must have happened pretty recently) (May 13). Up 73.5% since Monday (where it had 143 sold tickets). Best sales in California, not doing too bad between the coasts. The number today is ok to me (May 12). Not really signs for a breakout for Friday so far, but very solid. It will not really get 4-6M Thursday e.g. compared to Migration but from most comps the number could be pretty decent (May 7). Looked good for the film, both on Thursday and on Friday (May 6).)
  
• jeffthehat ($1.90M Thursday comp. Slipped a little vs. comps. Sub-20% growth seems bad at this stage and opening size for a family film. But maybe walkups are better than presales suggest. Thinking $1.8m +/- $0.2m tomorrow (May 15).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex ($1.62M Combined SizeAdjusted+GrowthModel Thursday comp. $1.50M Santikos Thursday comp. Sticking to the 1.5m - 1.75m range. I'm looking for a +40% final day that would finish at 1.8m avg comps and 1.62m growth forecast. I'm not ruling out 2m, but it would need to have a very good day (May 16). Raising my expectations to 1.5 - 1.75m range. I don't really have a good feel for what age this is playing to (May 15). Thinking somewhere in the 1.2m-1.5m Thursday range despite a couple of higher comps (May 14).)
  
• keysersoze123 (Friday pace is promising (May 16). Dont think even if it doubles the gross, 2m is locked. But even if it does, it would barely do that much. Let us see how walkups go tomorrow. Pace is really meh for T-2. $1.75m ish for previews. OW should be similar to what I saw yesterday for now (May 15). I would say it should hit 2m previews or even more if walkups are strong. OW probably in mid to high 20s for now. Its Friday sales are not that much higher than thursday for crazy IM like say Panda 4 (May 14).)
  
• Relevation ($1.18M Thursday comp. IF completely tanked here, brutal comp average with no good comparisons at all. $1.2-1.5M THU and something in the ballpark of an $18-24M OW? (May 15).)
  
• RichWS (15 screen theater near me is giving IF peak Marvel number of showings. I know it's short and the market is quiet, but damn (May 14).)
  
• Rorschach (Good growth for IF, especially after Tuesday's abysmal sales (May 15). Even with no comps to go off, this growth seems pretty weaksauce. I guess we'll see how it goes tomorrow (May 14).)
  
• Shawn Robbins (The pre-sales I'm seeing in multiple markets are little better than I think some expect here. I wouldn't be shocked with a number between 2 and 2.5 for Thursday, as well as big jumps on Friday and Saturday. The flip side of that coin is the reviews... although kids won't care. Could see 40 happening if this plays super strong in family markets and outside coastal cities like I suspect it could, but I'm surprised the studio didn't low ball it a little more to be safe... especially since we had been very publicly keeping our range in the high 20s/low 30s from the bottom end (May 15).)
  
• TheFlatLannister ($2.39M Thursday comp. Really not much going on. Don't think walkups will be super strong either (May 13). Not much growth (May 10). Pace is collapsing a bit. Continues its downward trend (May 7). After a strong start, this has cooled off quite a bit (May 4).)
  
• Tinalera (Pretty quiet Vancouver and Calgary area (May 13).)
  
• vafrow ($0.6M Thursday comp. Well, we finally got something. It still lags behind comps, and if I could be bothered to track walk ups, I'm guessing this will do okay. But it's still lagging some very reasonable comps by a large margin here (May 16). It's going up, but slowly. The thing that hit me looking at the numbers is that the most popular format so far is the VIP theatres, which are 19+. With such low sales, you can't read too much into anything, but it kind of speaks to how this isn't grabbing the family crowd (May 14). Some marginal movement, but we're running out of time for this. At this stage, I expect my market is an anomaly, but I still hope and expect it will close the gap in the final few days (May 13). Still nothing (May 12). Still nothing happening. I did check Friday sales, and it was a lot stronger with 51 tickets sold. That's better, but still not tremendous. I also checked the wider radius, where it's pretty much exactly where Haunted Mansion was, which hit $3.1M opening (May 11). Still nothing really happening here (May 10). Since the last update, they released full showtime sets, and it actually lost two showtimes rather than gain. From the sound of it, it might be doing better in other Canadian markets, particularly BC (May 8). Numbers are still really low, making the standard track fairly useless. I did do a larger 100km radius track, encompassing the broader southern Ontaro market (~8M population, MTC4 being about 70-80% of the market). Even against Haunted Mansion, which underindexed here, it's not doing well (May 4).)
  
• YM! (So far in the four Wisconsin theaters I’ve tracked, IF is at about 45% of where Wish was at in the two theaters I’ve tracked 30 minutes before previews. Think it could get to something similar before preview time (May 16).)
  

The Strangers: Chapter 1 Thursday Comps/Predictions: $1.49M/$1.37M

• abracadabra1998 ($1M Thursday comp. Perhaps this will follow the Nun and the Exorcist comps, but I am not fully convinced. I'll just go with the average here and call it a day with my prediction: $1 Million, +/- 0.2. Not much movement here (May 15). Not a good update at all but I am wondering about the summer break deal here as well. For Back to Black it shouldn't affect it much I would think (May 13).)
  
• crazymoviekid ($1.24M Thursday and $4.35M Friday comp. Decent day. Feeling an inch past $1.25M Thursday but much better comps for Friday, aiming now between $4M-$5M. Estimated OW: $14M-$17M (May 16). Comps leveling off. Adjusting up to $1M Thursday and wouldn't trust Friday comp ($10.05M) (May 15). Weird comps. Let's go for $.5M-$.75M Thursday comp.)
  
• el sid ($1.9M Thursday comp. Nice surprise. Up very nice 67.5% since Monday (May 15). From what I saw, it had an ok jump till today but the jump till Wednesday will be way more important. But so far, decent presales (May 14).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex ($1.54M Combined SizeAdjusted+GrowthModel Thursday comp. $1.82M Santikos Thursday comp. Keeping on track to match IF tonight (May 16). We could have a preview battle on our hands! (May 14).)
  
• Relevation ($1.85M Thursday comp. The Strangers: Chapter One sold surprisingly well here, even somehow knocking IF for best selling movie of the weekend. Comps are hovering in the $1.5-2.2M range and I don't have a clue how walkups play here, but I suppose the $1.85M THU average my comps spit out sounds pretty right, combined with a $15Mish OW (May 15).)
  
• Rorschach ($1.09M/$4.68M/$5.23M Thursday/Friday/Thursday+Friday comp. Decent day for Strangers. Didn't quite continue off yesterday's big bump, but still holding well against the Tarot comp (May 15). More than double from yesterday's count. Curious to see if it keeps up the momentum going forward (May 14). Tarot had more tickets sold for Thursday compared to its Friday showings when I checked the Monday before it came out; hence, why the comps are so all over the place at the moment. The Thurs + Fri comp does appear to be a reasonable middle ground (May 13).)
  
• TwoMisfits (TMobile deal for May - $5 ticket to The Strangers Chapter 1 next Tuesday (May 9).)
  

Furiosa Thursday Comp: $4.31M

• abracadabra1998 ($5.46M Thursday comp. GxK obviously really propping the average up but for now I could see that settling at around $5 Million, still good pace! (May 12). Really good stuff in this market (May 9). Reallyyyyyy good day 1 here. I want to note that: NO I do NOT think preview numbers will be that high; it's just highlighting the fact that this is likely a movie that will be running hot in my market, as cinephile blockbusters usually do. Next update I will have T-14 comps, which will be a lot lower due to the short release window (May 8).)
  
• AniNate (Encouraging to see the weekend fill out a bit. Been seeing a lot of promotion during the basketball playoffs so general awareness has to be getting there now. (May 15). Skimmed through ThuFri and Valley View (Cleveland vicinity) has sold roughly 60 Furiosa tix so far while Tinseltown (Canton) has sold 40. I'm guessing the upfront audience does lean more toward the urban/cosmopolitan sensibilities (May 9). Presales show there's definitely some hype for this. Regal gonna irritate trackers again, offering no upcharge IMAX for Furiosa (May 8).)
  
• Charlie Jatinder ($3.05M Thursday comp.)
  
• el sid ($5.8M average Thursday comp (without Exorcist 2) (May 12). Furiosa continues its strong performance in "my" theaters. The movie yesterday had already 1.310 sold tickets (for Thursday, May 23). Up 15% in ca. 24 hours which isn't bad at all after the first rush. Already comfortably in front of The Fall Guy's final sales (it had 1.071 counted on Thursday for Thursday) and almost on par with Civil War's final sales (1.357) and also the Apes finally had not more than 1.657 sold tickets in my theaters (May 11). I also can't complain about Furiosa's presales in my theaters, not at all. Already 1,138 sold tickets (in all of "my" 7 theaters) for May 23. 14 days left. Promising start. Civil War on Thursday of the release week for Thursday had 1,357 sold tickets and The Fall Guy finally had 1,071 sold tickets (May 9).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex ($3.51M Thursday comp.)
  
• keysersoze123 (Definitely chugging along. I am feeling good about 5m+ previews (May 15). It has way stronger sales than Garfield and that is expected. I am thinking of 5m previews for now (May 14). I think this is a solid OD presales. With a short PS window its probably looking at 5m+ previews (May 9).)
  
• TheFlatLannister ($4.44M Thursday comp. Keeps climbing at a strong pace (May 11). This continues to grow at an excellent rate (May 10). Really strong day 2. The short presales is for sure a factor (May 9). Not seeing much of a breakout. Still pretty solid start to presales (May 8).)
  
• vafrow ($2.9M Thursday comp. Comps are showing as steady since the last update, but it actually dipped quite a bit this week before rebounding today. Advance ticket buying has been so off in this market recently for some reason. Holding pace with Apes is a good sign (May 16). It had a good day (May 12). Mediocre day 2 (May 10). Not the hottest start. IMAX is the format of choice though, so, ATP will be high (May 9).)
  

Hit Man

• vafrow (Getting a theatrical release up here in Canada, and early signs are that it might get a pretty decent screen count. Not super wide or anything, but a pretty decent amount for a weekend that has a lot of other releases (May 14).)

The Garfield Movie EA+Thursday Comp: $2.24M

• abracadabra1998 ($0.76M EA comp and $1.19M Thursday comp. Still not really accelerating, and the EA is falling against comps (May 12). Good EA numbers, but many of these comps were PLF-only EA, which this is not, so I think the ATP will be quite lower and that should be adjusted for (May 9).)
  
• AniNate (EA sales look decent now, but this does feel rather weak compared to the IF presales. Not 100% certain what's going on here but based on this I buy the trades' opening estimates over the forum vibes (May 15). I definitely haven't seen as much of a rush here with Garfield as with IF (May 11).)
  
• el sid (The very even sales are a good sign (May 7). For Sunday, May 19, I can already report that also in my theaters it looks very good for Garfield. They will for sure add shows soon. It has so far only 1 show/theater and the shows are almost sold out, between 1 and 4 seats are still available. So my guess still is that this movie if it's not totally bad (and first reviews here were quite positive) will become a (big) hit. Seems not much on Thursday but it's a step in the right direction (May 6).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex ($2.52M EA+Thursday comp.)
  
• keysersoze123 (Its definitely weaker than even Elemental. That said these movies tend to finish strong and so I am not writing it off so early. Just that the long PS window is irrelevant for them. They could rather start presales like a week before release and it would be all the same. Meh. We have to wait until next week to gauge where its going to finish. It has very low ATP as well and actual would be even lower as its going to see tons of kids tickets (May 14). Early shows are regular digital shows at 1PM this sunday. So ATP will be very low. I think 500k ish at best. Preview let us see how things go in the final week. Presales at this point are almost non existent (May 13).)
  
• TheFlatLannister ($2.14M Thursday comp.)
  
• vafrow ($0.4M Thursday comp. Comps don't paint a pretty picture though. EA shows are doing okay (May 11). Still no sales for my core sample for previews. But I did the larger sweep, which shows the interest right now is the Sunday early access shows. Looking at sales patterns, it's mainly blocks of 3/4 tickets, so likely families grabbing some. It's worth noting that the May holiday in Canada is the weekend of May 17-20th, not the weekend after with Memorial Day. I can see families prioritizing getting out the holiday weekend when they have more time (May 4).)
  

The Lord of the Rings Extended Edition Re-Releases (June 8-10)

• BoxOfficePro (Fathom Events has also announced that select Regal Cinemas will present the films in 4DX on June 22/23/24 for Fellowship/Towers/Return respectively (May 14).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex (Up to ~1,400 shows now with new locations picking it up and others adding a second showing. LotR1 has sold 831 seats OD, LotR2 sold 715 seats OD, and LotR3 sold 735 seats OD. For comparison, Phantom Menace didn't break 800 tickets until T-3 and we're still over a month out. JW3 comp is currently around 9m (it was at 1,670 tickets sold at this point!) (May 6).)
  

Inside Out 2 Average Thursday Comp: $8.14M

• abracadabra1998 ($3.67M Thursday comp. Holy numbers of shows and seats! Multiplexes are really expecting a lot here. Sales off the bat not amazing here sadly, but we shall see where it goes (May 15).)
  
• AniNate (It is encouraging that Canton is already giving me something to work with with 12 Thursday preview sales. Same number for Fri-Sun. I do see nine sales for first Thursday at Canton now and I think that's a pretty solid start (May 15). I do see a few 1-2 spots for Inside Out on Saturday. Think some M-F workweek adult fans might be putting down money for that (May 14).)
  
• charlie Jatinder ($11.84M Thursday comp at MTC2. $16M Thursday comp for Kung Fu Panda 4 (May 15).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex (Already at 180 shows for previews in my areas and still has a few theaters left to post. For comparison, Godzilla x Kong finished with 197, Kingdom of Apes 190, and Kung Fu Panda 205 (May 14).)
  
• keysersoze123 (At least the show counts show Plexes are expecting a big OW. I dont remember when we last had a animation movie start with so many shows. I wont count Mario as that was a fan driven movie. Definitely not great presales but this is not a fan driven movie. Let us see where things are in the final week (May 15). Too early to judge presales as ticket sales just started early this morning. Families dont book tickets on weekday mornings. Wait until evening today to judge it. From a release perspective its way bigger than all animation movies seen recently including Panda 4. Easily the biggest I have seen in a long time. Only movie which is not comparable is Mario but that was not just a family flick (May 14).)
  
• Porthos (VERY BAD COMPS: $8.83M Thursday comp. I really do not have good comps for this movie. Like, at all. Especially for D1. With that in mind, I did some digging and did manage to get the Elemental D1 numbers out of the old Tracking thread: IO2 = 5.45946x Elemental on D1 [13.10m]. Now will Inside Out 2 be as backloaded as Elemental? Well it's tough to literally sell 5.5x times the amount of tickets on the final couple of days that Elemental did, so perhaps not. But it does show how fracking backloaded purely kids animation is. Anyway, this is 30 days out and it isn't a CBM film (like AtSV) or CBM-adjacent film (like Incredibles 2). The Sonic 2 comp is perhaps a little concerning. On the other hand, nearly a weeks more of pre-sales so not exactly a great comp. 3.5% of presales are 3D and 40.1% are PLF (May 15). On the Saturday of release weekend (ie NOT EA) there is a special event screening for IO2: INSIDE OUT 2: FUNKO FAMILY EVENT! (2024) Sat June 15th. Might boost the OW slightly, depending on how wide this event is and how much more these tickets will presumably cost (May 11).)
  
• TheFlatLannister ($8.20M Thursday comp. This is a super super strong day 2. Probably just Orlando overindexing, but yeah starting to lean towards something big brewing. Florida presales are somehow even crazier. Sold 2357 seats and is getting a blockbuster rollout in terms of showing allocations. Kung Fu panda comp day 2: gives me $8.50M (May 15). Well, I can't really tell if this is a breakout or not yet. Looks very good especially in the first few hours. These are probably terrible comps, but might as well try something (May 14).)
  
• TwoMisfits (I'm kinda shocked at the opening set from my Cinemarks... 2 screens (1 PLF, 1 not) and 6 showings at my PLF 14 for Thursday (and 11 showings on the same screens once it runs full day - 7 PLF b/c 1 is 3d on the reg screen, 4 not)... 3 screens (.75 3d, 2.25 not) and 9 showings at the non-PLF 12 for Thursday (and 12 showings on 2.25 screens once it runs full day)... So, 2 and 2.25 screens for the weekend presale sets... Disney must be charging a huge % for themselves b/c this is an Elemental opening set at my PLF...a little more generous for Thursday at my non-PLF, but then they too drop to an Elemental opening set after the adult Disney base Thursday rush... (May 14).)
  
• vafrow (No new sales. Whatever glitches in the system on day 1 didn't push sales to day 2. I still think the lack of base ticket options will push families to wait. Cineplex has jacked up the cost of premium formats, plus they're throwing in an increase for opening weekend of major releases. It adds up quickly for families (May 16). With the site glitching yesterday, it might account for the slow start. But, what's interesting is the format breakdown. Nothing is being made available in anything close to a regular showtime. The one non 3D showing in Dolby is a matinee showing. Everything else is carrying a hefty premium. They'll likely release regular showtimes closer to release, but right now, it's priced to get eager fans to pay the premium formats (May 15).)
  
• YM! (In fairness it's only been an hour but yeah sales are softer than I expected. However, it is a month out and will largely skew more towards kids than say TLM/Across so wasn't expecting a blitz like them. Here at Marcus theaters are going all out for IO2 with it having the lion share of PLFs with it getting both screens when there is two PLFs with tentpole like levels of screens (May 14). Was taking a look at Marcus Cinemas to see that they have preloaded Inside Out 2 showtimes which seem to start at 3:00 pm on a Thursday. It seems like Marcus is going all out on it as judging from showtimes it's taking away all of Bad Boys’ PLFs in that theaters that have two+ PLFs are giving all to IO2 (May 11).)
  

Domestic Calendar Dates (last updated May 3):
MAY

• (May 16) Presales Start [Bad Boys Ride or Die]
  
• (May 16) Thursday Previews [Babes + Back to Black + If + The Strangers: Chapter 1 + The Blue Angels IMAX]
  
• (May 17) Presales Start [Ezra]
  
• (May 19) Review Embargo Lifts [Garfield 9 PM EST]
  
• (May 20) Opening Day [Monday: Spider-Man Homecoming Re-Release]
  
• (May 22) Presales Start [The Watchers]
  
• (May 23) Thursday Previews [Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga + Hit Man + The Garfield Movie + Sight]
  
• (May 26) Presales Start [Bikeriders]
  
• (May 27) Opening Day [Monday: Spider-Man Far From Home Re-Release]
  
• (May 30) Thursday Previews [Ezra + Haikyu!! The Dumpster Battle + Robot Dreams + The Young Woman and the Sea]
  

JUNE

• (June 3) Opening Day [Monday: Spider-Man No Way Home Re-Release]
  
• (June 5) Presales Start [Despicable Me 4]
  
• (June 6) Thursday Previews [Bad Boys: Ride or Die + The Watchers]
  
• (June 8) 1-Saturday Re-Release (1st day) [The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Extended Edition]
  
• (June 9) 1-Sunday Re-Release (1st day) [The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Extended Edition]
  
• (June 10) 1-Monday Re-Release (1st day) [The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Extended Edition]
  
• (June 13) Thursday Previews [Inside Out 2]
  
• (June 15) 1-Saturday Re-Release (2nd day) [The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Extended Edition]
  
• (June 16) 1-Sunday Re-Release (2nd day) [The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Extended Edition]
  
• (June 17) 1-Monday Re-Release (2nd day) [The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Extended Edition]
  
• (June 20) Thursday Previews [The Bikeriders + Janet Planet]
  
• (June 27) Thursday Previews [Blue Lock The Movie -Episode Nagi- + Horizon: An American Saga Chapter 1 + A Quiet Place: Day One]
  

JULY

• (July 2) Opening Day [Wednesday: Despicable Me 4]
  
• (July 4) Opening Day [Thursday: Possum Trot]
  
• (July 4) Thursday Previews [MaXXXine]
  
• (July 11) Thursday Previews [Fly Me to the Moon + Untitled New Line Horror movie]
  
• (July 18) Thursday Previews [Twisters]
  
• (July 25) Thursday Previews [Deadpool and Wolverine + Didi + Fabulous Four]
  

AUGUST

• (August 1) Thursday Previews [Harold and the Purple Crayon]
  
• (August 8) Thursday Previews [Borderlands + Colleen Hoover’s It Ends With Us + Cuckoo + The Fire Inside + Trap]
  
• (August 15) Thursday Previews [Alien: Romulus + Horizon An American Saga Chapter 2 + Ryan’s World the Movie: Titan Universe Adventure]
  
• (August 22) Thursday Previews [Blink Twice + The Crow + The Forge + Slingshot]
  
• (August 29) Thursday Previews [City of Dreams + Reagan + They Listen]
  

Presale Tracking Posts:
April 23
April 25
April 27
April 30
May 2
May 4
May 7
May 9
May 11
May 14
Note: I have removed most tracking data that has not been updated for 2 weeks. I think there is value in keeping data for a week or two but at a certain point they start to lose their value and should not be treated the same as more recent tracking data.

((Please don't steal or republish))
My son has a friend who's mom died a couple years ago. We've tried to be there for him if he needed rides or winter boots or whatnot. He has a bunch of older sisters and had subsidized housing so he's been fine w his living situation til now. They are 19 now and he asked if he could move in here to be closer to his job. He knew that he would be charged rent as both of my adult kids pay rent when not actively enrolled in college classes (currently one is, one isn't, so only one pays rent now but the other will pay over the summer). I gave him the first month free as he mentioned he had other bills to wrap up in the old place. There was a conversation shortly after he moved in where he asked how much rent was (how was this not known beforehand? I don't know.) and he was surprised at what I was charging for rent (500) because he said he's been paying about 100 with his sisters. I said I can't charge him less than I charge my own children. He kinda wandered away at that.
First week of April he asked if he could pay at the end of the month and I said that my kids (and everybody else on the planet) pay rent at the beginning of the month but I'd go halfway and he could do the 15th as that's one of his pay dates. Now we're mid-month on month two, and I haven't seen anything from him. A couple days ago, he gave me an explanation about more bills due at the house he moved out at the end of March and how he'll be working more in the summer, etc, and I asked him what that plan is because rent is not really optional. He kinda wandered away again.
For reference, I paid $300 for a shared bedroom in a shitty apartment 31 years ago. He has a room in the basement, finished in the last couple years and barely used, with a bathroom that is so recently finished I literally haven't even taken a shower down there yet, and has pretty much taken over the tv room down there. He has more stuff than I owned when I moved out of my first apartment, let alone out of my room at my mom's house, and there's garbage bags absolutely everywhere that he has made zero effort to sort through. And he's every bit as lazy and sloppy as my own kids are. (I had a delusion that with all those kids, his mom had a more military-style household.....I was way wrong; he was clearly the baby). I really fucking hate all of this, as I am an only-child who does not like sharing my space in the first place, but I haven't had a raise in 3 years and thought the rent would be helpful. (Studying 30 hpw for CPA, planning to quit my job by EOY).
One more bit of background is that as bad as I feel for this kid, I moved away from home at 15 and had my own first solo apartment by 17. So I'm not unfamiliar with the concept of living on your own for the first time, and the general struggles of youth. Adulting is expensive. But I have never paid my own rent late and have never had to chase my own kids for rent (disclosure: I invest it for them and don't spend it, but the point is about learning responsibility. At least until they reach 21, which the oldest will do next month, and I will reassess the investment bit because this place ain't gettin any cheaper to run. But that's not a deal I have any intention of offering to the kiddo that isn't mine).
That got long, but WIBTA if I tell him he needs to decide if he can manage rent or if he is going to find another place to stay? I absolutely hate having another person living here and was only doing it for the extra cash. But if I'm honest I would rather forego the cash and have my basement back.

Have lived in my current apartment in Park Slope for six or seven years now (current roommate has been on the lease with me for ~3 of those years). If it's relevant info, the building has recently (like in the last few months) changed property owners.
Lease was up at the end of this March, only just got an email from the property admin saying "I mailed your lease renewal at the end of November 2023 and haven't heard back, please tell us asap whether you're renewing or moving out." (Note that for the past two years, we've received our lease renewal digitally.) The form she provided states that our new lease runs from 4/1/24 - 3/31/25, and that our rent has increased by 5%. (We were billed for and paid our previous rate in April and May, which AIUI means we're currently on a month-to-month lease.) At a guess, we're still rather under market—a quick Streeteasy search shows similar units going for 1K+ more than we're currently paying.

1. We genuinely never got a lease renewal in the mail. Does them giving us notice of the terms of the new lease date from when they claim to have mailed it, or to today when we actually received it (digitally)?
2. There's a case to be made that our new lease should be dated June 1 - May 31, since that's when we're actually signing. It would give us two more months next year at this rate before they can hike our rent again--but I'm hesitant to make an enemy of my landlord or rock the boat.
3. Depending on when we count "notice" as having been giving, could you also make the case that this is first notice and we get 90 days to decide whether to sign or not? If we do this, are they obligated to keep us on month-to-month or could they kick us out? This would theoretically result in another 3 months at our current rate, and then a lease for the raised rate from Aug 1 - July 31, which does seem advantageous, but again, I don't know if it's worth fighting this fight and potentially getting ourselves on the landlord's shitlist.

Any thoughts or advice? Both in terms of legality and in terms of what is and isn't worth it to go to bat for?

Good evening Everyone.
I sent my blood test results and prescription request to GenderGP last week, and they did respond saying that they've approved the medication and that I'll receive an email from SafeWay Pharmaceuticals with a link to pay for my medication, as of yet I haven't received it.
I don't know why it worked out like this, on the GenderGP knowledge base it says that I would be sent a link that I could forward to a pharmacy of my choice and have them dispense my medication, which I think is an amazing way of handling it as I could use ClearChemist (the pharmacy I've stuck by as I and others I've spoken to have never had any issues with them) and it lets me know that they've received it as I would've sent it personally, but with the way it turned out I'll have to request a paper prescription if I want the option to choose my pharmacy, which is inconvenient and would introduce the risk of the prescription being lost in transit. Here's a link to the article:
https://myhealthyhormones.com/knowledge-base/electronic-prescription-what-do-i-do-with-it/
I'm a bit worried at this point as I have just over a week's worth of Finasteride left, and since GenderGP closed the Help Desk last month (I got the last response to my support ticket in March) I have no one else to ask, I told a friend and now she's concerned considering she needs to request a prescription soon (looking back I regret worrying her).
Does anyone with experience in requesting a prescription since the system change have any advice for me, it'd be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much in advance.

For background; my boyfriend and I are both 29 and have lived together for three years, and this morning when I yelled at him, he told me to post the situation to reddit.
The whole time we've lived together, he's had this incredibly irritating need to wake me up when *he* wakes up, even when I don't need to be awake yet. He can fall asleep on a dime, but it usually takes me at least an hour to pass out (melatonin gives me the *worst* nightmares, so that's a no go). On top of that, I very frequently wake up a few times in the night.
For the record, every time he sleeps, I let him sleep. It's Saturday and I woke up earlier than him? I just hang out quietly on my phone or go to the living room if I'm gonna be any semblance of "loud." He's taking a nap? Lights are off, I make everyone be quiet and I leave him be, because *sleep is important*.
He has let me nap longer than thirty minutes maybe four or five times. He says that he does this stuff because "normal couples want to spend time together," but it feels like a control thing to me. He is very often out all weekend and some weeknights, which I don't mind at all because friendships are super important, but that shoots down the "quality time" narrative for me.
I have two kids from a previous relationship that are 8 and 6. Both kids have strep throat right now and one has scarlet fever on top of it. I currently also have strep. I have a constant headache, my throat and body hurts, and I am especially tired. Last night, he fell asleep at 12. I fell asleep at 1:30, and got up for the kids at 2:45 and 4. He gets up at six thirty for work, and he woke me up at 7 for zero reason.
Since he pulled this yesterday, waking me up to lock the door for him as he'd left his keys at work (I gave him my spare key the evening before so he could go to the gym, it was on the kitchen counter) I yelled (read: sternly admonished, I can't physically yell right now) at him, asking what on earth he feels the need to wake me up for. Does he feel wronged having to be the only one awake? Why would you not care about the needs of your girlfriend? I don't get it. He gave me the "nOrMaL cOuPlEs" blah blah blah and told me to post it here for judgment.
Just for context, he works 8-5. I'm in college full-time and pursuing a separate certificate on top of that. He does not pay my bills or for anything my kids or I need, so it can't be resentment from that. All the chores that get done were done by me, (he does start his own laundry and wash his own dishes *most of the time*) so it can't be that either.
Pass your judgement upon us, O Reddit.

For background; my boyfriend and I are both 29 and have lived together for three years, and this morning when I yelled at him, he told me to post the situation to reddit.
The whole time we've lived together, he's had this incredibly irritating need to wake me up when *he* wakes up, even when I don't need to be awake yet. He can fall asleep on a dime, but it usually takes me at least an hour to pass out (melatonin gives me the *worst* nightmares, so that's a no go). On top of that, I very frequently wake up a few times in the night.
For the record, every time he sleeps, I let him sleep. It's Saturday and I woke up earlier than him? I just hang out quietly on my phone or go to the living room if I'm gonna be any semblance of "loud." He's taking a nap? Lights are off, I make everyone be quiet and I leave him be, because *sleep is important*.
He has let me nap longer than thirty minutes maybe four or five times. He says that he does this stuff because "normal couples want to spend time together," but it feels like a control thing to me. He is very often out all weekend and some weeknights, which I don't mind at all because friendships are super important, but that shoots down the "quality time" narrative for me.
I have two kids from a previous relationship that are 8 and 6. Both kids have strep throat right now and one has scarlet fever on top of it. I currently also have strep. I have a constant headache, my throat and body hurts, and I am especially tired. Last night, he fell asleep at 12. I fell asleep at 1:30, and got up for the kids at 2:45 and 4. He gets up at six thirty for work, and he woke me up at 7 for zero reason.
Since he pulled this yesterday, waking me up to lock the door for him as he'd left his keys at work (I gave him my spare key the evening before so he could go to the gym, it was on the kitchen counter) I yelled (read: sternly admonished, I can't physically yell right now) at him, asking what on earth he feels the need to wake me up for. Does he feel wronged having to be the only one awake? Why would you not care about the needs of your girlfriend? I don't get it. He gave me the "nOrMaL cOuPlEs" blah blah blah and told me to post it here for judgment.
Just for context, he works 8-5. I'm in college full-time and pursuing a separate certificate on top of that. He does not pay my bills or for anything my kids or I need, so it can't be resentment from that. All the chores that get done were done by me, (he does start his own laundry and wash his own dishes *most of the time*) so it can't be that either.
Pass your judgement upon us, O Reddit.

For background; my boyfriend and I are both 29 and have lived together for three years, and this morning when I yelled at him, he told me to post the situation to reddit.
The whole time we've lived together, he's had this incredibly irritating need to wake me up when *he* wakes up, even when I don't need to be awake yet. He can fall asleep on a dime, but it usually takes me at least an hour to pass out (melatonin gives me the *worst* nightmares, so that's a no go). On top of that, I very frequently wake up a few times in the night.
For the record, every time he sleeps, I let him sleep. It's Saturday and I woke up earlier than him? I just hang out quietly on my phone or go to the living room if I'm gonna be any semblance of "loud." He's taking a nap? Lights are off, I make everyone be quiet and I leave him be, because *sleep is important*.
He has let me nap longer than thirty minutes maybe four or five times. He says that he does this stuff because "normal couples want to spend time together," but it feels like a control thing to me. He is very often out all weekend and some weeknights, which I don't mind at all because friendships are super important, but that shoots down the "quality time" narrative for me.
I have two kids from a previous relationship that are 8 and 6. Both kids have strep throat right now and one has scarlet fever on top of it. I currently also have strep. I have a constant headache, my throat and body hurts, and I am especially tired. Last night, he fell asleep at 12. I fell asleep at 1:30, and got up for the kids at 2:45 and 4. He gets up at six thirty for work, and he woke me up at 7 for zero reason.
Since he pulled this yesterday, waking me up to lock the door for him as he'd left his keys at work (I gave him my spare key the evening before so he could go to the gym, it was on the kitchen counter) I yelled (read: sternly admonished, I can't physically yell right now) at him, asking what on earth he feels the need to wake me up for. Does he feel wronged having to be the only one awake? Why would you not care about the needs of your girlfriend? I don't get it. He gave me the "nOrMaL cOuPlEs" blah blah blah and told me to post it here for judgment.
Just for context, he works 8-5. I'm in college full-time and pursuing a separate certificate on top of that. He does not pay my bills (**edit: he pays his half, I pay my half of rent/utilities bills -, bad phrasing, sorry) or for anything my kids or I need, so it can't be resentment from that. All the chores that get done were done by me, (he does start his own laundry and wash his own dishes *most of the time*) so it can't be that either.
Pass your judgement upon us, O Reddit.

Alright so let me get down to it, I am 14 he is 15 and I have liked him since early March but have never spoken to him at this point only once in our design technology class we used to have together. Over the easter break he added me on snapchat and instagram and we have been talking everyday without fail non stop, over the easter break i was in japan with family so there was a time difference but we adjusted to it for the 2 weeks i was there. He'd ask me to send him daily vlogs of everything i'd do there and just to spam him so when he wakes up he has something to wake up to pretty much. Within the first day of us talking he had already started making silly jokes, my friend had said something funny so i put it on my instagram story and he replied to my text saying "oh just go text __" with a rolling eyes emoji as a joke. We had also talked about birthdays and I mentioned how his is in my calendar and notes and he said he knows mine too and called me cute when i said i have it in my notes. We have a mutual friend who had hinted to him to start talking to me and be my friend because i was too shy to and this friend had asked him within 3 days of me and him being friends if he likes me, he asked "does she like me (implying me) or does she like like me because i wouldnt mind either" he said he wasnt sure if he liked me or not because it was too early. Our mutual friend would tell me he would always say "oh we are young and theres no point of dating at this age" since he had one girlfriend previously and he is over it but is just tired of getting played with pretty much. Fast forward me and him and our friend made plans to go out together in London but she couldn't make it so it was just me and him, nothing was awkward when we met up we hugged and got on with it. He held doors open for ,e offered to pay for my stuff, offered me his food because I hardly bought anything (I don't enjoy KFC that much but he wanted to go so we did), we went to an art gallery together, he suggested we go on London eye together and if you don't know what that is it's pretty much a big ferris wheel. We were at a bus stop together this same day and we were talking about our favourite games pretty much getting to know eachother face to face and we held eye contact through the whole thing and we were both smiling. When we were going home on the train he asked me to sit opposite him which I was confused why and he wouldn't tell me why but I'm assuming it was to look at me because he didn't have a problem with sitting next to me at all. We were out until sunset pretty much 8 hours and we hugged when we went home and oh my god his fragrance was SO strong but smelt SO good and it stayed on me even when I was home. Anyway skipping forward to when we were back to school, I made him a gift basket with stuff from Japan and I gave it to him and he hugged me infront of all his friends and sent me videos of him opening everything and he was super happy with it. I told him the night before I was so so scared to give him it because what if he didn't like it and he told me he'd love it no matter what, i also mentioned how i tried my best with it and he said cute. We have matching bracelets which I suggested and he was fine with me getting them from japan for us, we have been wearing them everyday pretty much and everyone at school thinks we are dating. Now, the bracelets I bought from japan he complained it was quite tight on his wrist so I ordered us new ones, they are spiderman themed ones gwen and miles with a half heart magnet on each so when you put them together it makes a full heart. I gave it to him around 3 weeks ago and he was so happy with it, he walked past me and i said he looks zesty as a joke and he laughed and told me to shut up but said thank you once again. We play games together all the time and our main thing is roblox horror games we both adore them and it's so fun playing them with him and pretty much everyone teases us at school about eachother. Anyway, 2 weeks ago I got a dm from a girl at my school asking for my snap as she wanted to tell me something, in summary she accused him of taking his bracelet off around his friends and saying he was talking to other girls to cover up the fact he was talking to me pretty much embarrassed of me. I sobbed my eyes out and texted him asking to talk, he said sure and I expected him to text me but he ended up calling me, I talked to him about all this and he was shocked and proved it all false, at this point we had been wearing our 2nd pair of bracelets since he complained about the other but 1 day he forgot it at his dads house so we didn't have it that day. He said to prove to me he never takes it off he's going to wear the bracelet that is tight on his wrist and I thought it was so so sweet, we were on facetime for so long and his mum ended up inviting me over to their house and i of course went. He also offered me to look through his phone to prove he isn’t talking to other girls or trying to cover it up which i thought was weird if he didn’t like me? Later that night I texted him saying i'm getting mixed signals off him and I kinda played it off as "oh we are friends and im scared u like me" so he said no he doesnt but i wanna think its because of the way i worded it, moving on i met up with him last period and our other friend pretended to drop me off and he said "heres your girlfriend __" and he said "ah thanks __" basically not flinching to me being called his girlfriend, we walked together and at this point i am also friends with his sister. We were walking and we went to his room, he let me do his makeup and he downloaded my favourite game (Final Fantasy 7) to play since I was there and we played a bit together, we played some minecraft too and it was hillarious and a roblox single player horror. I know it sounds childish but i really love these things, we ate dinner in his room and I also noticed he had a shelf dedicated to the gift basket i made him, literally nothing on that shelf but the stuff i bought him which was so cute. He also has a shelf dedicated to fragrances and he got me to pick my favourite and coincidentally was the one he wore when we went out together and i told him how it stayed on me all day and he said "good that means its good". Then I had to go home, I was at his home pretty much for 3 hours and I had to go since he had rugby, anyway when I was leaving I gave him a hug and I felt silly so i tightened it slightly and I felt him do it back which made me really happy, I said bye and walked down the stairs and I could hear it took a while for him to close the door which made me think he watched me walk downstairs and my theory was proven right when he texted me after saying how nice my mums car is. I texted him after thank you so much for having me over and he said i need to come over again and we said he could come around mine next time. Later that day I posted some pics I took on my story which he was fine with as he viewed them and didn't say anything. The next day he texted me during last period asking if i could take some specific ones down as his entire class was pretty much teasing him and he got tired of it, he usually doesn't care what others think about us and has literally told me that before himself but I completely understood as it was pretty much his whole class so of course I did and he said he didn't want people to think we're dating, I apologized profusely and things were back to normal, the day after I get a text from my friend and she asked if he was texting me during last period the day prior and i said yes how did u know and she said he had a baby smile on his face which made me happy. Anyway, since then it has just been pretty much mixed signals he said we should go ice skating together because i mentioned i never have and we are also planning to go painting in the park together next week. Earlier this week I think Tuesday? I curled my hair and i sent him a snap of it as we were planning to play together and he replied to it saying "Woah" and i asked what do u mean woah as i didnt know what snap he was replying to, we got on a ps party and i kept pestering him to tell me why he said that and he was making excuses saying he replied to my story but it showed up as snap and basically just getting nervous and bothered until he finally said "your hair looked very nice" he also complimented my necklace last week and i have only been wearing that and whenever he sees it he comments on it which makes me smile. On the Tuesday he also remembered what times I had my tutor so we planed when we could play which i thought was really sweet too. On Monday I sent him a lot of videos of me yapping and i said sorry for the spam at the end and he said "wdym sorry for the spam yap all u want" so then Wednesday or Tuesday I can't remember which, I literally sent him over an hours worth of videos I'm NOT exaggerating and it was of me literally just talking and he watched every single one and replied to them too and even saved some in our chats, he has tendencies to save random pics and vids of me in our chat. Today he was meant to do district sports for our school so he didn't wear his bracelet as he didn't want to break it but then last minute they said he couldn't go and i went to his form / homeroom and checked up on him and he genuinely looked upset which almost made me cry and i wanted to hug him so bad but everyone was there and i didnt know if he'd be okay with it so throughout today i've literally been sending him videos and texts to make sure he's okay now i'm just waiting on a reply. his replies are SHIT literally all his friends and his ex say this too so its not just a me thing. also is it a good sign if he introduced me to all his friends? over the weekend i was in a ps party with him and 3 others for like 2 days! He's generally a really friendly person nobody dislikes but I also think he likes me and literally everyone i tell about this says he does! I don't know tho because i really really really like this guy hes the first guy ive ever actually liked so i dont know what to do now :( Does he like me?!
EDIT: I also forgot to mention we hung out together at school on monday and he was fine with me grabbing his wrists and dragging him around :D ! We also walked past eachother yesterday and he was smiling really hard when he saw me and went "eww" as a joke because we do that to eachother and i just went "eww shut up" back while giggling

https://www.patientcare.va.gov/lgbt/
I get 100% of my healthcare through the VA. I have no service connections (disability). It’s pretty crazy how much they have under one roof. All providers are able to see your entire chart and I’ve been helped out by many with getting referred to specialists I would never have thought to ask for, simply because they’re all able to see everything.
General primary healthcare
Nutritionist
Case management (super helpful for navigating the VA system as well as getting veteran resources outside the VA)
Hormones
Therapy
Psychiatry
Voice feminization training
Laser hair removal
And several other things including various therapeutic group things
Another fun bonus thing is that your health information can be synchronized to your Health app on your phone. I have a complete medical history right there for me to keep track of including all bloodwork and diagnostic stuff and literally any bit of information that they add to your chart. Right there.
Sadly they don’t yet offer gender affirming surgical services yet except for every specific cases. See link down below.
You’d be surprised what things count as a disability. I’m about to be connected for having astigmatism in my right eye caused by months of being on a periscope. I didn’t think simply “now I wear glasses” would count as a disability but hey I’m not complaining.
You can also be referred to civilian providers on the VA’s dime if they don’t have the means to provide it themselves within a reasonable drive distance.
You can get reimbursed for literally any mile you drive to any scheduled appointment. My VA doesn’t have the equipment so I drive from Albany to the Manhattan clinic for laser and get roughly $180 back every time.
I completely get the skepticism of the VA but for real they’ve changed A LOT especially for LGBT vets.
Each clinic has an LGBT coordinator who can be a fantastic way to start the process.
https://www.patientcare.va.gov/LGBT/VAFacilities.asp
Copied from their website:
Gender Affirming Care at VA Information for Veterans VA provides a wide range of treatments to all eligible Veterans. Gender-affirming transition-related care plans are personalized based on your goals and your health. Talk to your treatment team to see if these services are right for you.
• Gender-Affirming Hormones: Your primary care team can help you with hormone therapy if it is right for you. Medications aren’t a goal for everyone and they have both risks and benefits. The team may involve an Endocrinologist. Talk to your treatment team about your family building goals and fertility before starting treatment.
• Pre-treatment Assessments for Gender-Affirming Hormones: In the U.S., all prescriptions are linked to a diagnosis the medication is treating. Providers will talk to you about your gender identity and your goals for treatment and consider if a diagnosis is appropriate. Blood work and other tests may be needed before hormones are prescribed.
• Voice and Communication Training: Speech Language Pathologists trained in gender- affirming treatments can help you train your voice and movements to align with your identity. This care is sometimes delivered through telehealth to your home.
• Fertility Preservation/Family Planning/Lactation Support: VA has services to help Veterans store eggs and sperm, as well as build and support families. These are coordinated through VA Women’s Health. Talk to your doctor about your options.
• Gender-Affirming Prosthetics: Several items are available through the VA when medically needed. These can include, but are not limited to, breast forms, chest binders, dilator sets for post-vaginoplasty, gaffs, packers, surgical compression vests, and wigs. Talk to your treatment team about what is right for you.
• Medically Necessary Hair Removal: Hair removal often happens through referrals to community-based centers. While availability varies, VA is working to improve access for all eligible Veterans.
• Letters of Support for Gender-Affirming Surgery (outside of VA): Some Veterans use their private health insurance or pay out-of-pocket for surgical treatments. Most surgeons and private health insurance companies require letters from your current treatment team, both medical and mental health (if applicable). VA providers can coordinate care with your surgeon.
While VA cannot yet provide initial gender-affirming surgical procedures, VA does provide surgical care for the following:
Some complications of surgeries, including revision surgeries for unexpected problems
Removing testicles or ovaries for hormone management if prescription hormones aren’t an option for you
Needed surgeries for other medical reasons (e.g., cancer, back pain) that are also consistent with your transition goals

Hey y'all, I saw there was one post on this more than 2 years ago, but figure there is more people likely having to go through this situation with the RTO push in the last year or two.
Anyways, I've been at my job for 5.5 years now, and have been fully remote since March 2020. In mid-2021, they tried to get everyone to come back, and almost everyone basically told them to go fuck themselves. As a result, they sold the office in our city, and now they don't make any US employee go in outside of those they hire for the NY office.
That said, I have noticed that all the roles they hire for nowadays are either hybrid or in-office roles, and while I don't worry this will affect me very soon (given I am more than 15 hours from the nearest current office), I am worried that they will stop hiring remote workers entirely and look to prioritize a RTO down the line, given I do live about 90 minutes away still from where the original office used to be. I know that our CEO does not like remote work, even if there are many higher ups that do, and so I worry eventually he'll win out.
Honestly, the ability to work remote (and be able to travel/work outside the US on occasion) is the primary reason I am still at this job, as the pay is at least 10-20% less than I could get otherwise, the work has gotten to be less interesting, and my progression has stagnated as the company has gotten bigger. Given that, if they ever were to do a RTO, I am 99% sure I would look for other work.
However, I am curious hypothetically: for those who've had RTOs and just flat out refused, what did happen to you? For me I'd look at it as likely a win-win: either they let me continue doing it while I find a place that actually prioritizes it, or they fire me and maybe I get unemployment/severance pay while I look for that other job.
However, I assume it is likely not that simple, so I'm curious how it is from other people with experience!

Apologies in advance because this is a lot to go over.
We purchased our condo in July of 2023 while the HOA was being managed by one company, but as of March 2024 another one took over. When they took over, they started sending mail addressed to the previous owners of the condo, apparently unaware that it had been bought 7 months earlier. It would be against the law for us to open that mail, so we threw it out. To clarify, the first management company was fully aware of the purchase and had the correct names on our online portal.
Our HOA dues went unpaid for about a month after that, but eventually we got an email asking us to register an online portal for the new company. When I did, it was under the names of the previous owners, not us. We also noticed that the HOA dues were much higher than they were supposed to be, and there was a "special assessment" fee that had no explanation either. When I reached out to the owner of the new management company to ask about this stuff, he immediately got defensive and accused us of failing to notify them about our purchase of the condo. (I guess he didn't realize we'd been living there since before his company took over). As a side note, the new online portal does not feature a CC&R anywhere.
Now we have an online portal with dues that are too high, under someone else's name, and a special assessment fee with no explanation. I don't want to have my arm twisted into paying for something when I don't know what I'm paying for, and I'm certainly not paying for something under someone else's name, lest he come back to us and say that we never paid our dues.
This is our first home and I'm new to all of this. I'm really not sure where to go from here, I would appreciate any advice.

I discovered BeatStar over the weekend and I LOVE it, mostly. I love the gameplay. What I hate is all the free to play mechanics in it. I'm all for paying a decent price for good software, and for making it available for free, supported by ads for people who can't/don't want to pay for it. What I dislike is feeling nickled and dimed, and feeling like my attention as a player is not being respected with timers to make you come back at certain times, loot-box style unlocking etc.
I'd gladly pay $60/year (so the price of a full AAA game) to get access to the library of songs as it gets updated, even with some remaining mechanism to unlock them gradually, as I think a progression like that does add an element of fun, but with the ability to just keep playing without diamonds for retries etc.
I'm aware that this is unlikely to ever happen, especially since it completely changes the nature of the game, and you probably already make over $60/year from your most active players. I guess I just wanted to put this out there and vent a bit :).

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Mediocre_Bluejay_555 posting in AITAH
Ongoing as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Thanks to u/Prestigious-Maybe-73 for finding this BORU
Original - 25th March 2024
Update - 14th May 2024
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AITAH for telling my wife I don't give a damn how she drives when it's just her and her kids in the car but if me or our kids are in it she must be safe.
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My wife had two kids before we got married and the have an actively involved father. We have had two children of our own.
My wife is a terrible driver but she refuses to acknowledge this. She has been in multiple accidents and even had her license suspended. Not for a DUI or anything. Just because she is a shitty driver. She will do stuff like reach into the back seat to deal with a kid rather than either pull over or let me or one of the older kids deal with it.
She got t-boned in August last year because she took her foot off the brake at a red light to pick up my son's soother that had fallen out. She didn't put the car in park. Thankfully only she was injured. All four kids were in the car.
I have had it. I told her that she is welcome to endanger herself and her kids. But that if I am in the car or if our children are in the car she will keep her eyes on the road and her hands on the steering wheel.
She is finally at the point in her rehab where she can drive again. I reminded her of what I said. I told her that I loved her. I said that her older kids were important to me and that I loved them too. But I told her that if she ever decided to do stupid shit while driving our relationship would be over and I would make it part of our divorce that she NOT be allowed to drive with my kids in the car.
She started crying and said she didn't do it on purpose. I asked her how exactly she took her hands off the wheel, took off her seatbelt, took her foot off the brake, and turned around to pick up the soother by accident. She said that I'm treating her like an idiot. I don't think I am. My children have to be safe.
Before you ask I try and do as much of the driving as I possibly can. I have stopped drinking when we go out. I traded in my car that I loved for an SUV so there is room for all of us. I offered to pay for Uber so she didn't have to drive if I wasn't available. She actually likes driving.
Her ex and her parents are on my side. He also told her that if she ever thinks about endangering his kids and he would either go for full custody or ask that she be barred from driving with his kids in the car. Her parents have threatened to stop helping her pay her stupid high insurance premiums.
She thinks we are being unfair because she loves her kids and would never intentionally harm them. She just loses concentration when one of the kids needs something and doesn't think to ask for help.
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Comments
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JaguarZealousideal55

She started crying and said she didn't do it on purpose. I asked her how exactly she took her hands off the wheel, took off her seatbelt, took her foot off the brake, and turned around to pick up the soother by accident. She said that I'm treating her like an idiot. I don't think I am. My children have to be safe.

Well... what did she expect? She is behaving like an idiot, to be honest. Her intention (doing it on purpose or not) is not relevant here. She shouldn't be driving at all since she is putting other people at risk. But clearly she shouldn't drive the children. That is the least you can demand.
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LastBaron
There comes a point where “intentionality” as a concept sort of breaks down.
Maybe she is having the subjective experience of not feeling like she’s doing it on purpose, I don’t know. But she has been presented with such an overwhelming amount of evidence and testimony from her own family that her actions are endangering herself and her kids, that any reasonable person (and plenty of unreasonable ones) would have gotten the message.
If she doesn’t believe it that’s on her.
In a way it’s actually worse; if a person is so deeply delusional that THIS degree of evidence is available and she still doesn’t feel at fault, she’s just straight up dangerous and probably in way more scenarios than just this one. How far gone do you have to be to not see that your actions are causing this? What else in your life are you this delusional about?
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JanetInSpain
You're treating her like an idiot because, now hear me out here... SHE'S AN IDIOT.
What mature, responsible adult pulls that shit while driving? If losing her license and being in multiple accidents wasn't enough to show her that she has a serious problem, I doubt your threat will either.
Every time she does one of those stupid actions, she is INTENTIONALLY harming her kids (or potentially harming). She could have fixed this long ago. She's just too lazy and in denial to do anything about it.
You and her ex should both put your foot down: no more driving unless she is the only person in the car. Period. No exceptions. Any breach of that agreement will be grounds for leaving. By giving her more chances you are continuing to endanger your kids.
NTA but don't let this slide.
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**Judgement - NTA*\*
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AITAH for initiating a divorce while my wife is in the hospital after a car accident. - 7 weeks later
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My wife was involved in a single vehicle accident. She was seriously injured but thank goodness no one else was in the car with her.
I have spoke to her about her driving habits and I warned her. I went to see her in the hospital and then I went to a lawyer. I am also going for full custody with only supervised visitation for her.
I am sick to death of her driving habits and I will not wait for her to injure or kill one of our kids with her bullshit.
I feel bad for doing this while she is in the hospital and facing charges. But I can't take any more chances on her.
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Comments
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emjkr
NTA I remember your last post. Protect yourself and your kids.

OOP: I can't believe it happened this quickly. I'm just glad none of the kids were with her.

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emjkr
I definitely understand that! Has she said anything about the new accident? Realised that she got a problem? If I remember right she was very upset about you stating that she should not drive with the kids in the car anymore.

OOP: She left some paperwork in the back seat. So she parked. Then she went to grab it. Unfortunately she left the car in gear and stepped on the gas and drove into a canal by the mall. I'm just done.

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stufferkneee
So even after she caused the accident last time reaching for the soother, she STILL managed to do nearly the same maneuver (reaching into the back seat for something without ensuring the car was properly parked) and caused another accident. She's a lost cause, they need to permanently take away her license. She's a danger to herself and every single person on the road, pedestrian or driver.
NTA OP. Keep your kids safe. Let the ex husband know your plans & the situation as well, I'm sure he's going to want to push forward on his custody fight as well after this. If her parents are still on your side, make sure you keep their line open for the kids too.
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efrendel
NTA. You told her what you needed from her to keep your marriage intact and give you peace of mind. The consequences of ignoring you is on her.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Heads up - I wrote a longer than anticipated into to this topic...if you want to skip the background and get to the meat, you can skip to the list toward the bottom!
Background:
My childhood was a pretty typical middle-class, suburban existence.
I went to public schools growing up. I went to an average state university. My dad passed while I was in college and my mom was a public school teacher so I was more or less on my own to figure life out after my dad passed.
I share that because cruising often and being able to afford to stay in suites is relatively new for us.
I'm an entrepreneur and when COVID started we were on the verge of bankruptcy, not just my business, but my personal finances as well.
I had quit my last corporate job in the tech industry 4 years earlier and hadn't taken a paycheck since. We were surviving on my wife's teacher's salary and the savings and retirement I'd built after a decade in the soulless troughs of corporate BS.
After 4 years of not paying myself while trying to raise two kids, a mortgage, and living the American dream we were at the end of our ropes financially.
I'd drained my retirement (I never touched my wife's incase something ever happened to me), drained our savings, and racked up $250k in credit card debt.
Just as COVID was beginning, I came home from the office one day, handed my wife a credit card, and looked her in the eyes holding back tears and told her, "there's $400 in this account before it's maxed out - buy all the groceries you can because I don't know when I'll have anymore money for us."
Faced with $250k in CC debt, if I couldn't turn things around we were going to going to have to claim bankruptcy so with nothing to lose, I cashed out our home equity as one final cash infusion into the business before closing shop and starting over financially.
With the money from that loan, I resolved to do three things:

1. I hired a business coach to figure out why despite growing revenue, we couldn't make consistent profits. ___
2. We're located in a rural community so we expanded into a much larger city 90 minutes from us...my hope here was that I didn't know how long the shutdown was going to last (it definitely hit us hard early in the pandemic), but by marketing to a larger area we'd hopefully be able to make enough money to survive. ___
3. I was going to finally begin paying myself after 4 years of not taking a paycheck and reinvesting everything into the business. ___ I've been extremely fortunate that this was a turning point in my business. In the 4 years since then we've grown by nearly 1,000% and we're now making a very healthy profit and I've built the business to where it runs without me (I work 8-12 hours/week on the business on high-level activities, primarily guiding my leadership team and handling the financials + some tech innovations periodically as I identify them). I've repaid all of our debt and I'm working on rebuilding our retirement while investing a percentage of the profits into building a new business (one that will be less employee intensive).

This is all relevant because this has put me in a place where we can afford to cruise often (6-8 weeks/year) + I have the luxury (privilege honestly) of not having to worry about PTO.
Side Note: For those of you who hate capitalists like me - my lowest paid employee last year made $50k (+ full benefits) in an area where the median income is only $33k...half of my team made $100k+. We're quite possibly the highest paying company in our region (definitely in our industry) and as a result have extremely low turnover and I'm able to hire the best of the best so we have an excellent culture.
So back to the main reason for this post - having the opportunity to cruise often, about 75% of the time in suites, I've noticed the folks we meet and interact with in the suites tend to fall in one of six categories:

1. The Status Cruiser: These are the folks we all see on social media and unfortunately on cruise ships whose entire identity is wrapped up in their loyalty status and their suite class. They are absolutely the main character and its of absolute importance to them that everybody know this. You can typically spot them from across the room before you even talk to them because they're dressed to the 9s and carry themselves in a way completely stereotypical of what you'd expect from somebody who truly believes their farts smell like roses. ___
2. The Retirees: There's a good amount of overlap between this persona and the Status Cruisers mentioned above, but they're not all like this. The ones who don't overlap with the previous group tend to be extremely friendly and I've had many great conversations with them learning about their life experiences as they share the wisdom they've picked up over the years to help me along on my own journey. They tend to stick to the recommended dress codes and are sometimes put off by people who don't share the same motivations for structure and etiquette. ___
3. The Bucket List Cruisers: These folks often save money for years, pinching pennies so they can afford what may very well be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for them sailing in a suite. They often want to squeeze as much value out of the suites as they can since they may never be in one again (I don't fault them for that...make the most of it!). They're often dressed to the 9s as well but sometimes appear less comfortable in the various social situations you find in the suite areas (i.e. grabbing a drink in a lounge, having a nice dinner in the suite restaurant, etc). ___
4. The YOLO Cruisers: I don't encounter these cruisers on every sailing, they're definitely more common during holiday sailings (i.e. Spring Break, Christmas, etc). These folks are living their best lives. The fellas are often wearing flip flops and neon tank tops and their wives/girlfriends in cut off jean shorts and a see-through cover-ups over their bikini tops. Fortunately they typically aren't over the top obnoxious, but they couldn't care less about any recommended dress codes or societal queues. They're there to have the time of their lives, everybody else be damned. ___
5. The DINKs: These couples are often from the LGBTQ+ community (not hating, just the reality), but not exclusively. They have good paying jobs and often are able to work remotely from the ship so they don't even need to use PTO. They typically keep to themselves and associate mostly with other DINKs. You can usually find them enjoying a drink in the suite lounges later in the evenings after a fun night out partying. One evening you may see them dressed to the 9s and the next they may be in beach attire - they march to the beat of their own drum but also don't really interrupt anybody's vacation (aside from maybe the folks in the first two categories who care more than they probably should about dress codes). ___
6. The Family Cruisers: There aren't many sailing in suites with kids, but the ones who do tend to have well-paying corporate jobs that they're not able to fully disconnect from (even on a cruise ship). They have good to great paying jobs but have limited vacation time so they prefer to pay a premium to make the most of their time off when they're able to get away. Often you'll see these parents responding to emails in-between parenting. You can sometimes catch them in the lounge grabbing a drink in the evenings after their kids have gone to bed for the evening. We fall into this category with two kids under the age of 10.

I don't know if this is interesting to you guys but I was randomly thinking about it earlier and thought some of you may find it of interest.
What do you think? Did I leave any categories out? Do you disagree?
Random food for thought! Whatever category you fall into, and whatever type of cabin you happen to cruise in, happy sails everybody!

If you are looking at the Marriott voyage program I am going to list some cons for you and give background IF you’re in the same boat. If your passion s truly in hospitality and you are a loyal Marriott worker then this post is probably not for you.

1. Coming fresh out of college, I was met with a lot of disorganization in the hotel. Half of the workers (the ones that oversaw me) didn’t even know what a voyager was and these were my supposed “coaches” and “champions”
   
2. You will get the worst shifts with very low pay. I worked in both Banquets and F&B (hotel restaurant) and was receiving way less than my counterparts but also significantly less than the employees I was overseeing. Our bonus was a joke and the raise (the one your relocation recruiter will hype up as part of a specialty for voyagers) was a joke.
   
3. If you come in during busy time you will get little to no training and will be expected to handle 80% of the operational and guest satisfaction issues. this being my first time at hotels with this brand specifically was very challenging. I called out my coach multiple times on why he did not train me according to brand standards. even small things like getting my micros or atlas access as a manager I did not receive until it was time for me to switch departments.
   
4. You have to beg for time to complete your online training if you are in f&b.my director just did not like being on the floor so I found myself having the run shifts and somehow complete 40+ hours of online training at the same time.
   

5.you may or may not actually rotate throughout the departments in the hotel. My f&b director admitted she didn’t know much about what a voyager was to me and the 3 other voyagers there during our TENTH MONTH and Tried to cram the rotations in three days. So what should have been 8 hour shifts with each department turned into 1 hour sessions of decks presented by the departments heads. My brain was fried by the end of each of those days.

1. If you’re in Chicago like I was , the fair work week labor laws will probably not be applied to you or many other ambassadors unless you’re in a union property. I never got paid premium pay for shift and schedule changes even though I was making less than the amount mandated. My HR director also did nothing about this.

All in all if you see yourself staying in hospitality then sure go ahead and sign the year long contract because it does open door for your within the brand but if you’re on the fence or just want to have a taste of hospitality then I would not recommend this program. I met with other voyagers in the Chicago land area during my time and most of them had the same exact issues in their departments if not worse. A couple even left and ended up paying back their relocation fees.

Vladimir Putin has landed in Beijing for a two-day state visit, where he was greeted by Chinese leader Xi Jinping with a red-carpet welcome and a full military band. The trip will build on their commitment to the "no limits" relationship they signed at the Winter Olympics in 2022, just before the full-scale invasion of Ukraine. As Russia becomes isolated from the West on the world stage, it has sought to boost trade in the East and elsewhere, helping prop up its economy in the face of sanctions.
Quote: "Relations between Russia and China are not opportunistic and not directed against anyone," Putin declared. "Our cooperation in international matters is one of the stabilizing factors in the international arena." Xi echoed the sentiment, adding that China will "work together to achieve the development and rejuvenation of our respective countries" and "to uphold equity and justice in the world."
Trade between the two nations has soared to record levels, rising 26% last year to $240B and hitting targets ahead of schedule. Russia has even overtaken Saudi Arabia as China's main oil supplier, while the latter sends back key commodities, vehicles and other consumer goods. Trade has also seen Russia's economy top expectations to expand by 3.6% in 2023, according to the IMF, despite Western efforts aimed at draining the Kremlin's war coffers.
Reaction? Wall Street Breakfast ran a survey last November, and again this week, on how the U.S. should manage its economic relationship with China. The biggest changes over the past six months showed that more subscribers have less faith in rapprochement and trade deals (24% to 15%), while a greater number believe decoupling and sanctions are the way to go (11% to 19%). It's noteworthy as Washington has recently threatened additional sanctions on Chinese banks and entities that handle Russian trade involving dual-use goods that can be used for both civilian and military purposes. How does all of this factor into your investing decisions? Join the discussion in the comments section.
Soft CPI Thought the Fed was only data dependent? Guess again. Data-centric traders celebrated in style after April's Consumer Price Index increased by 0.3% from March, easing from the +0.4% pace seen in the previous three months. The print, which meant inflation is still running well above the 3% level on an annualized basis, helped push Wall Street indices to new record highs, with the S&P 500 (SP500) crossing 5,300 for the first time ever. Meanwhile, retail sales came in flat, while regional business activity cooled further, suggesting the Fed could ease monetary policy earlier than expected. (119 comments)
Secret stake It's 13F season, where hedge funds with at least $100M in assets under management reveal their holdings. The flurry of filings sheds light on what they bought and sold during the quarter, but investment managers can also make special requests to regulators to keep some of their stakes confidential. Insurance-focused Berkshire Hathaway (BRK.B) just revealed one of those positions, disclosing a prior $6.7B stake in Chubb (CB), with market participants sending the stock up 8% AH on Wednesday as some looked to copy the successful picks of Warren Buffett. Other 13F highlights include filings from Bill Ackman's Pershing Square, Michael Burry's Scion and David Tepper's Appaloosa. (33 comments)
Battle of the skies AT&T (T) is teaming up with AST SpaceMobile (ASTS) to bring satellite internet connectivity to cell phones. The news sent ASTS up 36% in premarket trading this morning, with the space-based broadband network deal set to last until 2030. Other telecom operators have also ventured into the market. T-Mobile has a similar deal with SpaceX (SPACE), while Verizon (VZ) previously partnered with Amazon's (AMZN) Project Kuiper for connectivity solutions. Apple (AAPL) has also been offering satellite-to-cellphone emergency services on its iPhones since 2022. (43 comments)
Today's Markets
In Asia, Japan +1.4%. Hong Kong +1.6%. China +0.1%. India +0.9%. In Europe, at midday, London -0.2%. Paris -0.4%. Frankfurt -0.3%. Futures at 7:00, Dow +0.1%. S&P +0.1%. Nasdaq +0.2%. Crude -0.2% to $78.49. Gold -0.3% to $2,388.80. Bitcoin +5.4% to $66,165. Ten-year Treasury Yield unchanged at 4.34%.
Today's Economic Calendar
8:30 Housing Starts and Permits 8:30 Initial Jobless Claims 8:30 Philly Fed Business Outlook 8:30 Import/Export Prices 9:15 Industrial Production 10:00 Fed’s Barr Speech 10:00 Fed's Barkin Speech 10:30 EIA Natural Gas Inventory 10:30 Fed's Harker Speech 12:00 PM Fed's Mester Speech 3:50 PM Fed's Bostic Speech 4:30 PM Fed Balance Sheet
Companies reporting earnings today »
What else is happening...
GameStop (GME), AMC (AMC)? Meme rally is cooling off big time.
First Solar (FSLR) pops after trade probe into Asian solar imports.
Netflix (NFLX) ad plan tops 40M users; NFL deal in the bag.
Microsoft's (MSFT) emissions rise amid surging AI demand.
BOJ rate hike? Trouble as Japan's economy keeps shrinking.
Disney (DIS) flags spending cuts on marketing, traditional TV.
Networking: Cisco (CSCO) raises guidance after latest results.
Morgan Stanley highlights Dell's (DELL) AI server and storage.
China's NIO changing global strategy as U.S., EU tariffs loom.
Check out the latest hot dividend picks by Seeking Alpha analysts.