I dont know where else to talk about this where i can also rant. Im at work during a stressful morning fixating and overthinking on so much at one time.
Im quite figuratively and almost literally at the end of my rope. No matter how hard I try to be positive, negative things keep happening all around me and i dont know what to do anymore.
I have had badluck all my life but not this much at once. Ive had back to back terrible years. Ive heard of bad days, bad weeks, but months and years? I have to be cursed or something.
In February '23: Got fired from my job
Feb-July: Was out of work for 5 months
September: - Dog gets cancer

• My girlfriend suffers a concussion
  
• My girlfriend then has severe bouts with migraines for a month
  

October:

• My girlfriend suffers another concussion
  
• My girlfriend suffers a back injury
  
• Im denied my promotion promised after 90 days
  

November: Both our jobs didnt properly notify its employees about their health insurance enrollment and we both missed it so no health insurance
On christmas eve, dog swallows squeaker and almost dies, spent all night at the vet
On Christmas Day my girlfriend and I have a near break up fight
2 days later on the 27th, a car nearly slams into me but turns and hits the wall
On New Years Eve, our car breaks down.
On January 2nd we take it to the mechanics and is told that its a $7000 fix
January: We use her parents car which breaks down a week later
My brother in law contacts me and says he wants to fly me out to NY (where im from and where my family is) for my sisters birthday but work denies my days requested.
I get my promotion in march only for it to be taken away from me the next day for something I didnt do (it was a site wide punishment for two peoples actions)
Dog dies of cancer in april
We found out we are pregnant in march
We lose the baby in april
I got my promotion last week with a pay raise only for our hours to be cut by 4 so im pretty much making the same as i did $2 ago.
Now the car we bought in January is burning oil and everyone is saying its probably engine failure.
Upon numerous financial woes. We cant get out of her parents house because we cant find affordable places on top of being scared since everytime we have money its taken from us for numerous things like doctor visits, mecahnic visits, insurance shit.
How am I supposed to recover? I know everyone has bad luck but i feel like life is just kicking the crap out of me.
Anyone have any tips?

What are your top 5 regretted purchases for your home? And what would you have done with the savings?

1. The second car. I could have gotten away with walking, bike/e-bike, bus or even occasional taxi/uber to the train station, saved $ on parking, and the daily steps would have helped my health. Still paying insurance/maintenance for the car which i keep around in case the adult kids want to use it.
   
2. the Outdoor Play Set. It was barely used, and I'm still spending $ maintaining it every year in preparation for house resale. Kids got bored with it quickly, and just wanted to go to the park to play with other kids.
   
3. the bigger house. Getting a house with a Living Room and separate Dining Room when it already had a Family Room and eat-in kitchen was unnecessary. The LR and DR are rarely used, and for the extra expense, I could have rented a private room in a restaurant for holiday gatherings many times over and not had to do the dishes.
   
4. the bigger yard. The amount of the yard my family actually uses is tiny. Yet I pay a landscaper more money to maintain all that extra space. Sure, I'm now re-wilding some of it to save landscaping money, but I still have to pay taxes on land I don't use.
   
5. the Outdoor Lighting. I have lights illuminating my bushes, trees (which I learned is illegal in my town), and my house which is ridiculous when you think about it. It's not the Arc d'Triomphe. Worse, the lights I now learned contribute to species decline (as if we haven't done enough via climate change to screw other species) and the inability to see the stars at night. I could have gotten away with a few motion-sensor lights for security for far less money.
   

Now that you have your regrets, what would you have done with the money?
A. Finances: I would have Paid down Credit Card debt, built a 6 month Emergency Fund, raised my retirement account contributions, and funded the kids' college savings account, in that order. I use a compound interest calculator to see how much more money I would have had.
B. Life Insurance: I would have paid a higher annual premium for a larger 25 year term life policy for my spouse and me. Maybe even explored disability insurance or something like AFLAC.

So, I'm not quite to the one year mark of losing my dad. Something that gutted me and still leaves me breathless and sobbing at times. Death is unfair.
Presently, my partners dad is on hospice. They are giving him about a month. He has end stage COPD from being a life long smoker (a habit my partner has as well.)
Because I so recently have gone through loss and am still grieving, I know all the "right" things to do and say to be supportive. And to the best of my ability I am supportive. When we had to rip up the carpet in his dad's home to make it more hygienic I spent 6+ hours pulling staples from the floor, scrubbing walls and ceilings etc. When my partner made the request to skip a family dinner with me and go see his dad I said, "Absolutely you should be with your dad. Period." (He wasn't always supportive of all the time I spent with my dad when he was sick off and on over the years before he passed and I refuse to put that guilt on him the way he unknowingly did to me.)
The problem I'm having is being around someone dying is hard for anyone, but when you're barely clear of the under tow of your own grief it is REALLY HARD. I show up, I smile, I make small talk, I read a book and just exist as support for my partner, I give hugs. I tell his dad I love him, because I do. I check in with the other members of the family (they have a HUGE family.) I do what I can...
And then I come home and I cry. I'm exhausted and depressed and reeling with memories of the day my own dad suddenly passed after fighting his own health battles.
I've spoken at length with my partner about how I need to find a balance of supporting him while respecting my own grief and well-being. At first, he understood. But as time passes he is getting resentful. He told me I don't make him a priority when I ask if I can sit a visit out. (This feeds into some of my own difficult feelings surrounding the way he didn't prioritize my needs when I was the only one caring for my dad.)
But I know some of the hurtful things are just his big emotions finding a release valve. While it's not okay for him to be hurtful towards me, grief is hard and I understand. Which is why I don't hold it against him and instead work to calmly diffuse the situation or just let it simmer out. He isn't a bad person or even a bad partner he is just dealing with a ton of overwhelming emotions and anyone who has actively been through grief can understand its not always quietly weeping or sobbing, sometimes it's anger at things that are unfair.
I guess I'm just speaking into the internet void and hoping someone has a word of advice or something to help me navigate this as the supportive partner I want to be while still respecting my own needs. (For the record I am in therapy but sometimes strangers online say more helpful things than a therapist ever will.)

The ethical considerations in surrogacy revolve around the interests and rights of the surrogate, intended parents, and the child. These issues need to be addressed carefully to ensure just and accountable practices. For instance, it's vital to ensure that the surrogate mother is not exploited and that she fully understands the emotional, physical, and legal implications of her decision. It's also important to consider whether she is being fairly compensated and is in good health to carry the baby.
For intended parents, a candid and open discussion about expectations, responsibilities, and potential challenges is essential. There needs to be a clear agreement on how they’ll handle unexpected situations like changes in health of the surrogate or child. From a child’s perspective, ethical issues might center around their right to know their genetic parentage and their overall well-being.
Lastly, in some regions, surrogacy raises broader ethical issues including societal and religious views on what constitutes a family. These beliefs can significantly influence local legal frameworks surrounding surrogacy.

i (23f) have a younger sister, “Susan” (21f) that i believe might be experiencing a psychiatric crisis or something? mental health issues is very genetic in my family, i myself was in and out of the hospital about 13 times from ages 12-17 and struggled with a myriad of issues; my concern is coming from a place of love and not judgement. a little background on Susan: our parents separated when she was 6 months old and she never had a relationship with our dad. our stepdad met our mom when she was 4, and he has been in our life since. he wasn’t the calmest guy. he were taken from our parents custody when she was 11 and she was in kinship with our aunt for a year. fast forward to high school, she had some issues with attendance and completing things, she said this was all anxiety based. in high school she was able to keep a job as a hostess in a nice restaurant for 2 years until she was fired for thinking her managers were talking about her behind her back and discussing her concerns with coworkers. after several attempts to try to clear the aistraighten out the issue with no success, she was let go. interestingly, my mom had the same thing happen to her right before we were removed and she was let go from a bank. my mom ended up needing inpatient for paranoia because she thought people were recording her and hiding listening devices in her car. since Susan lost her hostess job, she hasn’t been able to keep a job for longer than a few weeks to a month. she has issues with hygiene as well as feeding herself, she’s lost a lot of weight in the last year and a half. she’s had issues with stealing from family as well as stores. she’s faced legal action because of this. she also smokes weed often (it’s legal, no judgement). in the last year and a half, Susan has been violent towards our family. we have two younger sisters 15 and 13, and she has tried to fight them both over thinking they were talking badly about her. she has threatened to kill our stepdad and then herself. she waves a knife around and screams at us to get us to do what she wants us to, which is usually sit quietly in the living room without talking. if she hears talking, she comes back in and screams asking what we’re saying about her. it’s terrifying. i’ve had to go pick my sisters up and bring them to my apartment because they’re so scared of her at this point. i keep telling my parents that when this happens, they should call the police. not because i want her in trouble, but because it’s scary and children live in the house. most recently, she texted me and said she had a religious experience and she believes prayer works and god is the answer. we aren’t a religious family, and she in the past was never, and i mean never, someone who was interested in religion. she used to be into crystals and spirituality but she now says that is evil. this morning, i got a text from her saying she knows for a fact the neighbor is keeping a woman hostage in his house. she says she can hear screaming but nobody else has ever heard this. i just want to help her, and the behavior is getting worse. i don’t know what to do because i don’t live with her anymore and our parents don’t call 911 when something happens. does this all sound like a psychiatric break or am i overreacting? i know schizophrenia can set in around this time but i don’t know if she is exhibiting the symptoms. what can i do?

Wow y’all just wow, I had an emotional purge today where I realized I have a lifelong issue with not trusting my own feelings/gut on things, and I realized it’s something that I worked on - not even consciously! Just energetically - during a 2-month retreat I did in Peru at the end of 2022.
For context, after I came back from the retreat I had one of the worst years of my life. I went to the retreat to work on some chronic health issues and when I came back it felt as though my health actually got worse for most of the year. I ended up living with family members who gaslit me into questioning whether I was really sick, and spent most of the year trying to figure out why I kept getting worse until I took a leap of faith and went off on my own to the desert to heal; from there on my health very slowly started to improve, but it’s been a rocky road. I am finally stable and really starting to feel good.
But for a long time I wondered why I suffered so much this past year, when you’re supposed to come back from retreats energetically cleaner and more healed. I have had slow and steady realizations that my terrible year was actually one massive earth-shaking energetic purge for me. I’ve sat in nearly 50 ceremonies at this point and noticed that whatever you work on in ceremony tends to come up before ceremony and after in an amplified way. It just seems to be how energetic purges happen in life: The problem becomes more severe or larger in your life because the energy needs to be felt and processed to be released; it can’t stay hidden if you want it out. And I think this last year almost all of the difficulty I faced was that - a massive energetic release following the deep work I did in ceremony. I’ve had a lot of insights along those lines.
This particular one, I realized there’s been a theme this past year of not trusting my own gut or perspective on things - with my family gaslighting me, the nature of my illness not being well understood, having to really set strong boundaries and listen to my gut when it comes to healing, and only seeing progress when I have done so. It came to a head with an argument I had with a loved one and I put all the pieces together, and got the insight that it’s something that the plants uprooted in my ceremonies - particularly my work with Marosa, which is funny because I didn’t feel that those ceremonies were super deep or intense for me.
So wild how this healing happens. Just a reminder that your ceremonies aren’t over when the medicine wears off, and sometimes you aren’t even aware of the work that took place in ceremony. Look for the patterns that emerge in your life post-ceremony to find where to focus your integration energy. :)

TL/DR pension early + unexpected windfall. Do we have enough? 40k net annual income w/ health insurance. Liquid in 2 million range. 400k in retirement accounts. Mid forties. Health issues. Where to go with dogs?
Original plan was to FIRE in 10 years when husbands pension kicked in. He’s 45, I’m 43.
Have about 400k in retirement though mostly untouchable to us now as primarily 401k. Maybe 50k in brokerage, 70k in cash accounts. Conservatively 550k equity in our house. No other debt beyond our mortgage at sub 3% interest. Which is timed to be paid off in about 10 years as well. We’ve stopped making extra payments on it and have been stashing money in savings instead due to interest rates. Only kid is through college, debt free! (yes we started quite young -he was a happy, but scary surprise). We have 3 cars, a couple motorcycles, and a big farm tractor that would probably net 120k if we liquidated all. Have no idea what we could net on other household items. I do have some inherited artwork that holds some value, and some jewelry. Husband owns every tool in existence I think.
The change is my husband was injured on the job and after nearly a year of recovery, PT, surgery etc it looks now like he will not be cleared to return to work. Will be pensioned off early, and keep healthcare coverage for both of us. Net income with pension approx 40k a year. Cutting his take home about in half.
Simultaneously, my company is being acquired and because of my role, I will not be expected to stay on long post acquisition. Expected to receive 100k in severance at my departure.
And then last week we were offered just a bit more than a million dollars for some acreage we own adjacent to our house.
We would not want to stay in our home next to this development. We picked up this land as kind of a lark a few years ago. It was completely landlocked so very cheap and is just forest. We were able to get special environmental status on it so pay virtually nothing in taxes Mostly we did it to preserve our backyard view and privacy, and to make sure no one else on an adjacent lot on the street next to us, who would be able to provide access, picked it up and tried to develop it. Well that’s what is happening now. A developer is interested in purchasing a neighbors empty 10 acre lot, with street access, if we will also sell. The neighbor is anxious for us to say yes.
So we could not sell the land, I could get a new job post acquisition and stay where we are. But that does not seem smart as we would get more than 20x gain in 5 years on what we paid for that land, though that kind of value is only possible when it’s tied to a neighbors lot with access. Also, with my husbands injuries we have had to take on some additional expense to maintain our property as there are things he can no longer do. Our lot is a couple of acres on its own. I would need to find a job making significantly more to make up for husbands income loss and additional expense and that doesn’t seem likely locally. I’m at about the top of my industry pay scale currently for our location. Obviously I’ll have a buffer with my severance, but I will be lucky to find another position making what I do now. As I had to know about the acquisition early, I got a fairly sizable salary bump to retain me during the transition.
We could sell and move locally or somewhere else in the US I suppose. But the plan had always been to FIRE when he got his pension, and with the revenue from the land it feels like maybe we could do this now?
We’re both social security eligible with sufficient credits, but that’s quite a ways away if it will still even exist then. Approx 3500 a month collectively at age 67, if we stop contributing in the near future per social security website and accounting for WEP.
We’ve spent a lot of time in Portugal, Spain and France and the plan had always revolved around Europe, to be determined largely by tax implications in place at that time.
We don’t love hot, but I’ve been thinking about Mexico as we also have two dogs right now that I can’t imagine parting with. I realize not ideal, but we’ve always been a dog owning family and our plan was to bring no new dogs in the 10 years leading up to his retirement so we would not have this encumbrance then. But with a timeline shift, that plan becomes irrelevant. Anyone drive into Mexico with pets?
I would plan to work some. Probably consulting. I do a little bit of that now on the side and I think part time I could probably bring in 30-40k. But for budgeting I’d rather treat that as bonus money as I don’t know how quickly I can get it set up etc. I don’t know about my husband. All of his jobs and hobbies have historically been quite physical, so this is a major shift for him.
Thinking we were still a ways off I have done enough research to be dangerous. When he got hurt a year ago, I never imagined he wouldn’t eventually go back. I know staying in US, unless we significantly downsize and alter our lifestyle, my husband will feel like he has to do something for work. I don’t want that for him. He has worked incredibly hard, at his primary job and various side hustles to provide a wonderful, stable, financially sound life for a young family that was dead broke when we started out. With this injury, I want him to relax and hopefully continue to heal.
We will have his excellent US health insurance benefits intact, but will likely need to supplement to make sure he can continue to get any ongoing care he needs.
We’re probably going to have make some decisions relatively quickly on the land. We’re good with living a lot more simply, but also don’t want to be in a position where we feel like we’re counting every penny to survive. Should we try this? Where would you go? With pets!

Big Reveal: East Side Endeavor Health Center - Buffalo Rising
Endeavor Health is proposing a new behavioral health center at the corner of Broadway and Goodyear on the East Side. The two-story building will include 16,000 sq.ft. of space and surface parking for 45 cars.
The center will replace Endeavor Health’s existing facility located at 1131 Broadway which is outdated, undersized, and in need of substantial repair to continue in useful service to the community. Endeavor’s current facility provides 41,995 treatment visits per year with 2,870 adults.
Former Record Theatre complex ready for re-use (buffalonews.com)
Work by BRD Construction is nearly completed on the $8.4 million redevelopment of the former Record Theatre complex into a new mixed-use residential and retail project, with the first new apartments ready for rent as of June 1.
About 20 months after kicking off construction on the adaptive-reuse venture, the five partners from Common Bond Real Estate, Urban Vantage and Preservation Studios are finishing up their effort to restore and revive the buildings at 1786 Main St. and 1040 Lafayette Ave., which had originally been a car dealership when they were built in the 1920s...
Now redubbed "The Monroe," it will feature 17 workforce housing units, affordable for households earning less than 80% of the area median income, as well as 11,000 square feet of commercial and retail space.
Residents, Town Board clash over future Grand Island growth (buffalonews.com)
The latest skirmish in the long-running Grand Island warehouse war took place last week.
That’s when boos and cries of “shame” rained down on the Grand Island Town Board after a board majority rejected a new law that would subject massive warehouse and distribution centers to heightened scrutiny.
Residents had packed Town Hall to implore the board to pass the oft-debated zoning change, contending it was needed to protect them from the traffic, pollution and loss of green space inflicted by these large facilities...
D'Youville pauses construction of new med school building (buffalonews.com)
Just months after starting construction on a $175 million project to construct and open a new osteopathic medical school on Buffalo’s West Side, D’Youville University has called a halt to the work that was already underway as it considers whether to proceed or to abandon its plan in favor of a cheaper alternative...
Details on what had happened or why were not available, but financing problems appeared to be the culprit, as the cost of the project has soared because of higher interest rates, as well as construction, material and labor costs. But those have been factors for all construction projects for the past two years, yet there was no prior indication of any problem for D’Youville, until now.
Jemal lays out $4.2M plan to transform Main Street block wgrz.com
Douglas Jemal has detailed his plans for new apartments and facade renovations in several buildings on the 500 block of Main Street.
In a series of applications reviewed this week by the Buffalo preservation board, Douglas Development described a combined $4.2 million worth of work across three related projects and 515-521, 525 and 529 Main.
Two Homes Planned for Main/Woodbridge - Buffalo Rising
The site of a proposed apartment building at the northwest corner of Main Street and Woodbridge Avenue is now targeted for two single-family homes. Property owner Nick Giambra is seeking to split the parcel into two lots oriented towards Woodbridge Avenue. The change in plans comes after pushback from the Central Park Homeowners Association and to comply with deed restrictions on the site that only permit single-family homes.
(Note: I'd prefer main facing properties to have a larger footprint than a SFH, but at least these won't be empty lots much longer)
Financing for new MusicalFare Theatre in Amherst up in air (buffalonews.com)
The Amherst Town Board has reversed its decision to borrow up to $11 million to pay for a new MusicalFare Theatre building at the former Westwood Country Club, an abrupt reversal that leaves the fate of the project up in the air.
The move came after the borrowing received withering criticism from a group of town residents who collected enough petition signatures to put the MusicalFare bond up to a public vote.
Construction Watch: The Lawrence - Buffalo Rising
Work on The Lawrence, a Fruit Belt apartment building, is underway. Symphony Property Management is building the 132-unit apartment project on a site that fronts both Michigan Avenue and Maple Street at the edge of the Medical Campus.
(Note: I really wish this had a commercial street level component to it)
Developer sought for project at former Bethlehem Steel site (buffalonews.com)
With Ciminelli Real Estate Corp. abandoning plans for a new warehouse project at Renaissance Commerce Park in Lackawanna, Erie County is now putting the same property and more out for bid to other developers in search of another light industrial project to add to the growing complex along Route 5.
The Industrial Land Development Corp. – the land development arm of the Erie County Industrial Development Agency – is asking developers to submit proposals for the purchase and redevelopment of 23.73 acres at the former Bethlehem Steel campus.

Why
I relied on my mom as a kid. I always thought I could trust her, but she had unaddressed mental health issues that caused her a lot of pain. She didn't seem interested in getting help and instead turned to drugs and unhealthy relationships. When my sister and I were born, she isolated us from others. My mom hid her inner struggles and pretended to be perfect, but I knew deep down there were cracks in her facade.
I noticed people in my life trying to help my sister and me. However, any efforts were ultimately rejected or twisted by my mom. As her early-onset dementia progressed, her mask began to slip. Her unaddressed desires took control, manifesting as manic episodes. When my sister left to get married at 25, I was alone. It was a difficult decision, but understandable. Over the next four years, my mom's mental state deteriorated significantly. Her manic episodes became severe, escalating from yelling and screaming to pushing and even physical attacks.
One day, I reached my breaking point. I confided in my counselor, and CPS became involved. My mom, with her deteriorating mental state, saw it as a betrayal. In her mind, anyone who wasn't with her was against her. I became the enemy for exposing the truth. To silence me, she locked me in a hotel room for a week with no food or way out. The fear and confusion were overwhelming during those seven days.
The question haunted me: "Why is she doing this to me?" After seven days of fear and confusion in the hotel, I was finally released. But the nightmare wasn't over. My mom fabricated a story that I was suicidal and had me committed to a hospital, supposedly to disprove any accusations I might make. For four grueling months, I was shuttled in and out of these facilities. Thankfully, my sanity prevailed – they couldn't keep me there. However, my mom's twisted narrative persisted. Every time I tried to prove my side of the story, it felt like a losing battle.
Despite being innocent of the accusations, I held onto the hope of forgiveness and reconciliation. After all, she was my mom, and I had no other family. But her actions only worsened. The lies became more elaborate and malicious, all attempts to deflect blame for her own mistakes. Deep down, I yearned for a functional relationship, but her manipulative behavior reached a new low. This latest betrayal made me question my very existence. It was a horrible realization: the person I was trying to connect with was determined to paint me as the villain.
The situation escalated to the point where I found myself homeless for two weeks in the cold. Wracked with confusion, I kept asking myself, "Why? Why me?" Despite my efforts to do the right thing, everything felt broken. Eventually, I returned home, desperate for any semblance of maternal connection. My mom's sudden shift to a seemingly caring demeanor felt fake, but I clung to it, yearning for the bond I never had. Yet, the dysfunction persisted. On December 31st, 2023, she brought home a dying Chihuahua for Christmas. Despite being forbidden from interacting with the dog, I ended up cleaning and taking care of it all night. It was a bizarre situation – she was neglecting a dying animal while briefly showing me a kindness that felt hollow. This incident, two days after a birthday with no acknowledgment, was the final straw. When she asked if I wanted anything, I simply requested cake. Her response, "You don't deserve a cake...you keep contacting CPS," confirmed my suspicions. Disillusioned and frustrated, I retreated to my room to regain composure.
Terror surged through me as I heard her screams erupt like thunder. My heart pounded in my chest. Recognizing the signs of another manic episode, I retreated to my room, fearing another attack. She bellowed for my phone, but I clutched it tightly, my only lifeline if things escalated. The yelling intensified into a terrifying storm. With a sickening crash, she barreled into my door, shattering the already weakened frame – a physical manifestation of our fractured relationship. Screws littered the floor as she loomed closer, threats spewing from her lips. Her intent was clear: to take my phone and silence me.
: Exhausted from enduring abuse, I refused to relinquish my phone. When she lunged, attempting a bite on my shoulder, I stood firm. No more questions, just the will to take control. Frustrated, she retreated. The assault left me shaken, but resolute. With no lock due to prior incidents, I braced myself against the broken door. Ten agonizing minutes crawled by as she relentlessly pushed against it, the screws groaning in protest. Finally, the weakened frame gave way, snapping against her leg. A torrent of screams and curses erupted from the other side.
She descended into further chaos, hurling insults and comparing me to my dad, the source of our family's pain. But I was done. Looking her in the eye, I said, "I'm sorry you're hurting, you hurt yourself You hurt me. I don't feel safe, and I need to leave." With that, I grabbed my belongings and fled. Reaching my sister, I explained the situation and tearfully said goodbye to friends, fearing my mom's manipulations. My sister urged me to call the police, but I worried about their response to a mental health crisis. Determined to get help, I decided to call my best friend, possibly for the last time. I recounted the ordeal, expressing my gratitude for his friendship despite past mistakes.
Sirens wailed in the distance, then abruptly stopped. Officers emerged and questioned me. Reliving the night's events, I desperately hoped for help. However, to my utter confusion, they asked me to put down my belongings and handcuffed me. My rights were recited again, but betrayal and confusion clouded my understanding. Weren't they there to help? Instead, I found myself committed to another hospital for a month, forced to spend a lonely New Year's Day within its sterile walls.
Fueled by a burning desire to prove my innocence, I tirelessly pleaded my case. It felt surreal – I, the victim, was treated with suspicion. The worst part? The complete lack of control. Yet, I fought for what was right. The haunting question, "Why?" echoed in my head. Finally, my sister intervened, offering a safe haven. But my mom, consumed by her animosity, refused. Despite the fear, returning home seemed like the only option. It was a return to a broken reality – the same issues, different day. My resolve to escape solidified. I focused on getting emancipated, a job, anything that granted me independence. This defiance enraged her; she craved control, but I was done. The following two weeks were a tense stand-off...
My mom's manipulative tactics escalated. She made false police reports and withheld essential documents like my Social Security card to control me. Even simple requests for my Chromebook charger for schoolwork turned into arguments. Finally, during one episode, she stole the charger and called the police with fabricated stories. This time, the officer recognized her erratic behavior and my truthful testimony. I spent a brief stay in the hospital where they finally believed me. Released into my mom's care, I braced for another fight. Shockingly, she drove me to a police station, claiming I attacked her. But with the officer and my sister on speakerphone, the truth prevailed. They recognized her deteriorating mental state. The agonizing car ride became a desperate plea – why was she hurting herself and our family? Exhausted but resolute, I ended up at a friend's house for the night, then entered foster care the next day. Finding a welcoming home felt like a cruel twist of fate. Witnessing a healthy family dynamic at the ice rink only amplified my pain. My sister's husband arrived, offering a lifeline – a chance to escape the cycle of abuse. The decision was mine: get in the car or stay. As I walked to my friend's house, a healthy family dinner unfolded before me, a stark contrast to my reality. Finally, I confided in them about my situation. With their support and a secret code from my sister, I embarked on a daring escape. Two long, desert hours under the stars, navigating unfamiliar territory, led me to the school – my only beacon of hope. Exhausted and cold, I stumbled upon my brother-in-law, car just as he was about to leave. His familiar voice offered escape – "Get in if you want to change your life." With trembling hands, I climbed in, ready to embrace a new beginning
Reiners response
Despite enduring unimaginable abuse, I never relinquished hope. The kindness of strangers became my lifeline, reminding me that humanity persists even in the darkest of times. Through every hardship, I held onto the belief that doing the right thing matters. This journey has been a testament to the power of letting go, even when it means letting go of family. It's a painful truth, but sometimes letting go is the bravest and healthiest choice we can make to move forward. Witnessing firsthand the destructive power of abuse, trauma, and mental illness, I came to a difficult realization. As much as I hated her actions, I knew they stemmed from her illness. Hate breeds only hate, and I refused to become the monster she was battling within. The past can't define you. It's a heavy weight, but you don't have to carry it forever. All you can do is keep moving forward, one step at a time. Be the person you want to be, the person others see the potential in you to be. The future holds possibilities you can't even imagine yet. Embrace the journey, and never lose sight of the strength and hope you've discovered within yourself.

This issue has been going on for the longest time ever. For context, my dad was the sole breadwinner of the house, and he is an engineer. This meant that in his earlier years he was constantly dealing with batteries and chemicals and all that whole shebang, for an extended period of time with his bare hands. so this prolonged contact with chemicals led to him having the nastiest allergy(?) ever (we don't really know since he has never been properly diagnosed), and it usually causes his nose to inflame or swell up, making it hard to breathe, and he gets sinuses. this has affected the way my family has functioned, since he is now extremely sensitive to laundry detergent smells, or when we bathe with products that are fragrant or has a scent to it, as it causes his allergy or nose to react (we dont even know what the root cause is).
He is also extremely sensitive to other chemicals(?) and pollutants as well, such as dust, fur, etc. His condition has turned my family upside down because whenever this sickness starts acting up, he starts blaming my mom for washing the clothes with detergent, or blame her for hiding scented products around the house, or just saying hella unreasonable things like 'do you want me to die???'. My parents are in a very traditional marriage, my mom a housewife, so you can only imagine how bad it gets in the household everytime a certain 'smell' appears in the house. The arguments get real bad whenever my mom starts to defend herself, and my dad just does not want to believe her at all, leading to cold wars in the house.
Not to mention my dad recently just lost his job. This means he’s at home 24/7 and he has just about nothing much to do and at this point I don’t even know if it’s like a mind thing because he keeps claiming his illness is getting worse. Everytime he sees me he just tells me about how much pain and suffering he is in for all the constant headaches, migraines and inability to breathe properly. I'm just honestly so frustrated because my dad refuses to see a doctor (also because we are financially struggling so he doesn't really want to spend the money on such things he feels he can endure), but he doesn't realise how absolutely suffocating it is to be in the house whenever his nose allergy starts acting up and he starts taking it out on everyone else in the house.
Ugh. just wanted to get this off my chest. I don't know what else to do, because my dad has tried countless medications for allergy, tried nasal decongestant sprays, etc, and it's only been getting worst in the past few weeks. I worry for his health but he is just SO stubborn. If any of you have ever encountered such a situation or know what might be up, or have any practical advice, do drop a comment because I am at my wits end. Moving out is not a solution for me either, as I am committed to taking care of my parents......

My mom is a huge proponent in what caused my ED in the first place. Now, I won’t say she is to blame for it because that’s not true, but she absolutely played a role in me developing my ED and triggers me constantly in recovery with her own behaviors. However, whenever I mention these things to her, she either denies that she has these behaviors and tells me I’m being over sensitive or over analyzing her, or she plays the victim, or she tries to justify or rationalize her behaviors. Some, but not all of these things include: Past: 1. She put me on diets from a young age, as young as like 7 years old, probably earlier. 2. I was a chubbier kid and my brother was naturally athletic and slim. Growing up, I was not allowed to eat the foods he ate (sugar cereals, pop tarts, stereotypical junk food) and I was always given things like the 100cal packs and “healthy” foods. I was also constantly told by my mom to “eat healthy” and stuff like that while she never said anything to my brother like that. 3. She engaged in tons of diets herself as I was growing up and diet talk and would constantly critique her own body and comment on the bodies and eating habits of other people.
Current: 1. She engages in stereotypical ED behaviors such as : checking and commenting on nutritional facts like sugar content and calorie content, only drinking water and nothing else because it’s a “waste of calories”, etc 2. She always buys the “healthy” “almond mom” versions of foods 3. She engages in table behaviors such as tearing apart a sandwich and only eating the veggies while commenting about how it’s too much bread, too much sauce. She will only order healthy options like salads and ALWAYS orders dressing and toppings like croutons on the side but never eats them. She makes comments about “oh I could never eat that” or comments on how “gross” something is. These are just some behaviors and She justifies them by saying she has always been a “picky eater”. 4. She orders food for the family but picks a healthier option for herself or opts to make something herself at home while pushing others to eat what was ordered. 5. She always comments on what and how much my dad and brother eat and says it’s because she is “worried about their health” when I know it’s just judgement about the types or amount of food they eat. It’s almost like a superiority thing for her.
There’s a lot more but that’s just some of what bothers me most. When I call her out, she guilt trips me, plays the victim, and tries to justify or deny that any of this is disordered. I try to be gentle about how I approach it but every time it turns into a fight. It honestly makes me question my own sanity and think “maybe I am just being sensitive”. I’m not the only one who sees it (my cousins and friends have commented on her behavior as well) but I still can’t help but question myself and think that I’m overthinking things. Am I justified in feeling triggered and frustrated by these behaviors or am I overreacting? Also forgot to mention that I’ve had my ED for at least 15 years of my 24 years of life and have very recently started trying to recover, which she is aware of. Being so new in recovery, I feel like she should be more aware and supportive than this.
TL:DR : my mom displays tons of triggering and disordered behavior and triggers me constantly but denies that it’s a problem and that I’m just being sensitive

My company offers too many health plans for my family and I am feeling overwhelmed trying to choose.
I have narrowed it down to three options:
High deductible plan - $0 monthly premium. $6,350/$12,700 single/family deductible. Max expenses out-of-pocket $12,700. As I am over 50, I could then put $9300 into an HSA. I have review hospital cost for a couple know expenses, and we will likely use a minimum of $10,500 but worst case scenario would be $12,700.
EPO plan - $924 monthly premium. $0 deductible, $0 co-insurance. minimal copays - likely $1,500-$2,000 max so our total annual cost would be $12,000-$13,000K. (Worst case scenario $17,000)
PPO plan - $360 monthly premium, $3k/$6K single/family deductible. $0 co-insurance. Worst case scenario $13,335.
On face value, the HDP seems like the logical choice since the potential cost range is $0-$12,700 while the EPO range is $11,091-$17,091 and the PPO range is $4,335-$13,335.
However the EPO $11,091 premium is paid with pre-tax dollars and I could put up to $3,200 in a pre-tax FSA. With the HDP only $9300 would be pretax (I am positive we would use the total amount of our HSA this year, so no benefit of rolling that money over) so I would have potential up to $3,400 after-tax expenses.
The EPO also provides a very predictable money expense while the HDP will have larger single expenses that are not predictable (however, we do have plenty of saving to cover the charges as they arise)
If I go the middle route with PPO and max out the FSA, the monthly amt withheld from my pay would be $626 (approx $300 less than the EPO).
Am I over thinking this? Does anyone know how much of an impact the pre-tax vs post-tax dollars makes?

Bank of America Health Care Conference 2024 Presentation
Exact Sciences' Mission is to help eradicate cancer by preventing it, detecting it earlier and guiding treatment. In the early innings of how genomics will transform cancer prevention, diagnosis and treatment
Exact Sciences' Cologuard and Oncotype DX are two of the top brands ever in cancer diagnostics. They are helping to build a platform company through which other innovative cancer diagnostics will help patients.
Guided to 15% growth (CAGR) through 2027. Projecting over 20% adjusted ebitda margins by 2027.
Near-term growth drivers - Cologuard and Oncotype DX globally. Future drivers - pipeline.
Reiterated 2024 Revenue and EBITDA guide.
60 million Americans not up to date with colon cancer screening - huge unscreened population
Q4 2023 - highest dollar growth in screening in history. Sequential decrease in Cologuard screening revenue due to normal Q1 seasonal weakness. Despite sequential screening revenue decline, screening revenue still increased 7% YOY, and management confident in achieving 2nd Quarter and 2nd Half Guide revenue guides.
Cologuard will have steady predictable growth based upon # of sales calls to primary care physicians and increasing Health System Orders.
New Cologuard business opportunity starting last year - screening in Medicare Advantage population and gap closure programs in large health systems.
CEO Kevin Conroy: "We are confident in our ability to meet our 2nd quarter and 2nd half sales guidance."
Q1 2024 was in-line with expectations. Q1 of 2023 was an anomaly.
Sales and Marketing Spend - Spent about $800 million in sales and marketing in 2023 (sales force a relatively small component of this, sales force being brought back to levels of 2022) - High ROI from investment in additional sales people.
Last 5 quarters added 50,000 new primary care providers - docs, pa’s and nurses
As docs order more, amount of orders increases. As sales calls increase in frequency, pcp’s order more.
Calling on a doc once per quarter will result on average in six orders. Calling on a doc six times per quarter will result on average in 24 order. Sales reps provide pcp's tools, education, motivation to increase colon cancer screening numbers.
Priorities for CFO - Maintain Growth Engine not only of CG and Oncotype, but also new product pipeline - Flywheel of innovation needs to keep spinning. Will expand over 300 basis points of leverage in 2024. Increasing leverage in G&A going forward. Clear and credible pathway to adjusted ebitda margins of 20% in 2027
CFO Aaron Bloomer: Exact Sciences will show FCF growth and positive FCF delivery for each of the next three quarters in 2024.
17% CG growth embedded in 15% CAGR through 2027. (Compound Annual Growth Rate)
Impressive CAGR over the past few years. Seeing increasing opportunities to enhance the use of Cologuard as a frontline screening tool.
Over a billion dollars invested in EXACT NEXUS - Electronic Ordering, Result Delivery, Prior Authorization, Reimbursement embedded into physician's EPIC electronic record. Huge amount of customer satisfaction - makes using Cologuard easy.
Long arduous process of including Cologuard into the Quality Measures (2-3 years from being included in USPSTF guidelines), which can help health systems and plans increase their star rating in order to get quality bonuses, which is a key to their success.
130,000 new cases/year, 50,000 deaths/year from Colon Cancer, with 60 million people in U.S. not current with CRC screening guidelines.
Colonoscopy capacity in US is 12,000,000. Half screening, half diagnostic. Cologuard is helping health system and GI’s getting more people screened.
Re-screening now mid 20's as a % of revenue - aiming for 50%
Because of Covid, for two years in a row, only 1.2 million people have been eligible for re-screens. This year 1.6 million eligible for re-screen, and that number will increase annually. Also, 20 million new prospective customers in the 45-49 age group - want them to be happy customers for next 30 years. The 45-49 age group rescreens are starting to kick off this year (USPSTF guideline to include that age group updated in 2021).
Cologuard Plus - 10 Years of R&D and Clinical Trials - Improved False Positive Rate, Cancer Detection, Advanced Adenoma Detection. Improvement on all levels, and Cologuard 3.0 already in development.
Looking for a modest price increase for Cologuard Plus rolling in over a couple years period of time. Because false positives are lower - 30% fewer false positives - more people will stay in Cologuard Testing Family
Cologuard Plus also benefits from 5-7% Lower COGs = margin expansion.
20th Anniversary for Oncotype in US. 1 billion cumulative investment in Oncotype infrastructure. Quality of Science and Clinical Evidence behind it is unmatched. Company is deeply rooted in being patient and customer-centric.
Question to Brian Baranick, General Manager of Precision Oncology - How are you gonna catch up in MRD?
With respect to MRD, have never seen such a fast developing market - real clinical unmet need - enthusiasm among patients and physicians - excited to be apart of this market. Exact Sciences will catch up in MRD due to the following:
1) World class commercial capabilities - precision oncology reps are experienced, know physicians/territories, how to sell and how to get access to leverage these relationships to launch CRC MRD next year.
2) Exact Sciences' Nexus Platform - IT infrastructure to help providers save time obtaining prior use authorizations. This billion dollar company investment will allow providers to obtain prior use authorizations and order MRD tests more quickly and easily.
3) Better Performing Product - Partnering with West German Study Group and NSABP (National Surgical Adjuvant Breast and Bower Project) To build out evidence around MRD tests - Goal is for Exact Sciences' MRD tests to have best in Class Evidence. Exact Sciences' MRD tests measure more mutations in blood than some of the first mover companies in space, and will have best in class evidence. Investors will hear more about performance of MRD assays and evidence in the back half of this year.
Blood-based screening assets - crowded marketplace - Use case for Cologuard Blood will be limited.
Great idea in concept - Bert Vogelstein is a pre-eminent researcher in the field and wrote a 2005 paper on the subject of CRC screening blood test. He concluded that detecting circulating tumor dna from precancerous lesions/polyps is impossible - you can’t find what’s not there. According to Kevin Conroy, if you’re not finding pre-cancer, you don’t have a true screening test.
The real power of colon cancer screening is finding and removing pre-cancerous polyps which may result in Stage 1 disease - that is the goal. As a result, it is highly unlikely that blood tests to screen for CRC will end up in the USPSTF guidelines and quality measures b/c they are unable to detect precancer. CRC screening blood test will end up being more of a niche market. Commercial payers will not be too excited to pay for something which is not in the quality measures. Probably won’t find out if blood CRC screening will be in the quality measures until 2028-29 (After likely USPSTF in 2027). Howver, fee for service medicare advantage has agreed to pay for blood based crc. USPSTF meets every 5-8 years on CRC screening (August, 2014 - May, 2021). Predict next Meeting in 2027. This cycle think 6 years until USPSTF and then quality measures 2-3 years later
Management expects two or three blood tests to be approved by the FDA, including Cologuard Blood. Don't believe blood tests will ultimately be a big overhand for investors as Cologuard will still grow market share even with other FDA approved CRC blood tests as it is the most effective CRC screening test. GI societies recently weighed in - not recommending blood tests for frontline CRC screening. The growth of Cologuard over the coming years will be what excites investors, not CRC blood test.
Question to CFO Aaron Bloomer: What is most underappreciated or misunderstood about the company?
CFO is excited about pipeline. The company has spent many years developing these pipeline products, a number or which are slated to launch over the next few years. Don’t think investors appreciate the impact these pipeline products will have on patients, on revenue and the Company's growth profile, as well as on margins.
Excited about mid-teens growth in Cologuard and along with MRD and other new products coming online in the next few years which will provide both the Company with both leverage and diversification.

Hey everyone, hope you're doing well.
As I (26m) remember myself, I've always viewed life as if a grey filter was applied to it. I do feel joy, happiness, I feel thankful for what I have in life and what I achieved. I have family who loves me, friends, I'm an introvert but pretty fun guy to be with. I have a BSc in Computer Science, and worked for 2.5 years in the tech industry, made a good amount of money, and right now searching for my next tech job (our company went bankrupt).
My health is not the best though, nothing life threatening, and I manage to live with my health issues, but it took me a long 3 years to be ok with it. I have hobbies, I love to learn new stuff - I taught myself guitar, photography.
Recently I'm going through a breakup from a 10 months relationship. It's getting better each day. And I learned lot from my mistakes during this relationship, as this was my first relationship. I guess this adds to the loneliness I feel.
On surface level, my life is perfect. But I don't feel like it, never felt like it.
Recently I've been thinking, maybe I need to take medicine... maybe this is the missing piece for me? I feel scared though, from side effects, and develop dependence on it.
From your experience, reading this, maybe I can get suggestions about it. Maybe somone went through something similar and can share his/her story. Of cource, this is not a substitute for a real counseling, just wanna hear your opinions.
Thanks!

(23F) Mom won’t ’let me’ do a summer sublet
Hi guys!
Some context: from a young age I have always wanted to learn other languages and live briefly in other places while I’m still young. Had an opportunity to sublet in Montreal last summer and didn’t take it, and always regretted it as I went to school in Vermont, visited the city, and loved it. I graduated college last year and am 23 years old — I basically lived alone in my last apartment in Vermont.
Now, through an internet friend I managed to get an awesome, cheap room just for the month of June in the Plateau, one of Montreal’s trendiest, most gentrified neighborhoods. I was very excited to finally live out my dream of trying out a new place — and my friend has been planning on introducing me to their social circle and showing me around the city.
My mom has some narcissistic tendencies, extreme paranoia and anxiety, negative attitude, and some controlling behaviors. She is also at times very sweet and permissive, almost too permissive to a fault. My dad passed away a few years ago so everything is now on her as the figure of our family. I put off telling her about my Montreal plans because her reaction to news like that is typically negative, and rarely positive or supportive. Now that I’ve told her she’s basically saying she won’t allow me to go.
I get it, I’m not a man — I’m a young woman and the idea of me going to a city “alone” would for sure be anxiety inducing for any parent. But now that I’m older and have saved enough money to afford this I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong by making this plan. I’m also going to Europe for the first time in July for 3 weeks with friends. In our last conversation she said she was already being generous enough to “let” me go to Europe, even though I paid for all the arrangements myself.
Feeling really conflicted here. She’s right to be worried about safety… but I feel old enough to do this, it’s only for one month, and the roommates are both female artists about my age. She’s basically saying this is not allowed, so now I’m thinking of just cancelling the sublet (though it’s two weeks away and short notice for the girl whose room I’m renting) because now my mom has me very stressed about the whole situation when I previously felt very excited, my friends were happy for me, other adults in my life were excited when I mentioned going to Montreal, etc.
This is causing me a lot of anxiety and I’m not sure what to do. Should I cancel my plan or try to hold firm and assert my independence? Any help would be greatly appreciated as I feel very alone and not sure if I’m doing the “wrong” thing by wanting to go.
Unfortunately she does pay my phone bill, health insurance, and car insurance as I’m still job searching and cannot afford these things… so I guess perhaps she’s right to feel like she should be allowed to have some control over me. (I have been doing freelance work on my own making websites for clients in the meantime).
I don’t really feel I have a guiding figure any more ever since my dad passed… so any words of wisdom or advice as to whether I might or might not be unreasonable in wanting to do this for myself would be so appreciated. Love to everyone <3

DAY: MAY 15, 2024

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• 5-15-2024FIGHTING FAT AND INFLAMMATION: SCIENTISTS DEVELOP NEW COMPOUNDS The menthyl esters of valine (MV) and isoleucine (MI) are multi-faceted molecules with enhanced anti-inflammatory and anti-obesity activities. The discovery and development of such molecules can result in newer classes of therapeutic drugs to treat a wide range of metabolic disorders. Credit: Gen-ichiro Arimura from Tokyo University of Science Modified derivatives of natural products have led to significant therapeutic advances and commercial success in recent times. Menthol is a naturally occurring cyclic monoterpene alcohol found in various plants,
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• 5-15-2024STUDY SHOWS COMBINING JOYFUL ACTIVITIES WITH ‘SAVORING’ THERAPY SHOWS POSITIVE MENTAL HEALTH RESULTS AMONG YOUNG PEOPLE With rates of depression rising among young people on university campuses, a team of SMU researchers found that combining two different therapeutic approaches demonstrated effectiveness in improving students’ overall mental health. Their findings show that students receiving behavioral activation (BA) therapy augmented with savoring (S) experienced improvements in positive and negative mood. Behavioral activation is a therapeutic approach that alleviates depression by increasing engagement in meaningful activities,
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• 5-15-2024STUDY FINDS FRONT-OF-PACKAGE NUTRITION LABELING RESULTS IN HEALTHIER PRODUCTS A study finds that a food labeling system introduced by the French government in 2017 resulted in healthier products. The study of Nutri-Score, a voluntary labeling system that assigns a simple letter grade based on nutrition, is believed to be the first to examine how food manufacturers responded to the change. Using detailed product and nutrition data from 2014 to 2021,
• 5-15-2024EXPERT EXPLAINS PUBLIC HEALTH CONCERNS ON AVIAN FLU Using genetically engineered mice expressing a specific variant of HLA, researchers uncover the instrumental role of this protein in the development of drug eruptions. They found that when HLA binds to an antiviral drug, abacavir, it can lead to the formation of defective proteins, which trigger a stress response in the endoplasmic reticulum, ultimately cascading into drug eruption. This implies that HLA is involved in previously unknown signaling pathways and processes that go beyond its traditionally accepted role within the immune system.
• 5-15-2024EXPLORING THE MECHANISM BEHIND DRUG ERUPTIONS IN THE SKINUsing genetically engineered mice expressing a specific variant of HLA, researchers uncover the instrumental role of this protein in the development of drug eruptions. They found that when HLA binds to an antiviral drug, abacavir, it can lead to the formation of defective proteins, which trigger a stress response in the endoplasmic reticulum, ultimately cascading into drug eruption.
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• 5-15-2024HOW SCIENCE IS CHANGING THE GAME IN SPORTS Digital twins of athletes allow athletes and coaches to evaluate performance and trial technique changes. It’s an open secret that the countries that win the most medals in the Olympics and Paralympics combine talent and technology. Athletes are preparing for the next three Olympics and Paralympics in Paris in 2024
• 5-15-2024STUDY REVEALS HOW PRACTICE FORMS NEW MEMORY PATHWAYS IN THE BRAIN The effects of optogenetic inhibition on WM task performance. a, The experimental set-up. b, The delayed-association WM task trial types; licking was assessed during the 3?s choice period, with early- and late-delays periods noted. c, Learning progress across eight sessions, measured on the basis of the percentage of correct responses. d, Learning session example
• 5-15-2024A MEDITERRANEAN DIET CAN EASE SYMPTOMS OF STRESS AND ANXIETY, SAYS STUDY It’s no secret that the Mediterranean diet is good for your health. Already recommended to reduce the risks of bowel cancer, heart disease, and dementia, new research shows that the Mediterranean diet can also reduce symptoms of stress and anxiety.
• 5-15-2024ENHANCING PATIENT RESPONSE TO CANCER IMMUNOTHERAPY
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• 5-15-2024NEW EVIDENCE FOR USE OF ANTI-INFLAMMATORY THERAPY FOR PREVENTION OF RECURRENT VASCULAR EVENTS IN STROKE
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• 5-15-2024STUDY FINDS TWO GENES OF THE GERMLINE ARE ESSENTIAL FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF BRAIN TUMORS IN DROSOPHILA
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I’ll try to keep this short. I (44f) have been living with my finance (38m) for 2.5 years. I have two children (22 and 17) - my oldest is in college and stays at home during the summer, my son lives with us. My fiance is ADHD/OCD and refuses to get medication, which can make things stressful at home sometimes. I often have anxiety at home and feel like I’m tiptoeing around him. He has caused rifts in the family because he is hard on my kids and we argue because I defend them (and he thinks they should respect him - aka do what he says when he says it - just because he’s the “man of the house”). He plays video games in much of his free time so we don’t really have “conversations.” He usually just vents about work and then either cleans obsessively or plays video games. And I usually don’t share too much anymore.
When I told him this relationship isn’t working for me anymore, he lashed out and said some pretty insulting things. Of course this just solidified my intention to break up, BUT he’s the one who has a place to go (his dad has a house on his property he can move into), so unless I want to uproot my kids and find a place I can afford, he really should be the one to move out.
Here’s the thing. I think he will refuse to go. He pulls this sort of controlling behavior whenever we have an argument. Like all of a sudden he will either a) cry and tell me how much he loves me or b) blame-shift everything onto me and throw every embarrassing mistake I’ve ever made in my face. He’s going to make this breakup very dramatic.
How do I get out of this while preserving my and my kids’ health and sanity?
TL:DR My un-medicated ADHD/OCD fiance is emotionally deregulated and lashes out when I tell him I want to break up. We live together and I don’t know how to handle ending the relationship.

I'm due August 28 and our first day back to school is September 3. I won't go past my due date without an elective induction due to my age.
My district is unionized but doesn't have a specific maternity leave policy written in the contract, which is bothersome. Basically what is offered is between 6 to 8 weeks (depending on method of delivery) leave paid from my sick days, so this counts, basically as a medical leave. If I take more, I can take the remaining weeks, only up to 12 total, unpaid per FMLA and keep my health insurance by paying the premiums up front for that time.
My leave starts on my delivery date, so the district is effectively screwing me out of a week or two of paid leave once the school year begins, just because I delivered in the summer. Granted, I'm paid for the summer, but still, it's making me angry.
Is there a way to work FMLA/medical leave better in my favor here? If the answer is no, so be it. Anyone else have summer or late summer babies? What did you do to maximize your leave?
Thanks.
Also, NYS if that matters. Teachers don't fall under the state's paid family leave at all.

My dad is out from his job (suspended or possible termination) for little or no reason and now searching for a new job. My dad is doing fine right now but he has issues sleeping and he is now on CPAP to help him with his sleep apnea. I'm concerned about his health because my mom and I been taking care of his for a long time. Keep my dad and also my family in prayers for physical and spiritual healing.

TW talks Alcoholism and Verbal Abuse
My (27F) parents (53M & 53F) separated on Monday due to my father’s drinking. My dad has been an alcoholic since he was a teenager. Growing up, we left on 3 different occasions and stayed with my grandparents anywhere from 3 days to 3 months at a time. I was ages 12, 14, and 16. Each time, my mom went back because my dad stopped drinking. He said that he missed his family and he couldn’t stand his kids not talking to him.
This time around, I’m 27 with my own family (husband, 30M & daughter 7monthF). I am currently in school to be a Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner and have learned a lot about addiction through my years of schooling as well as experience in the field. I have gone through therapy myself to deal with the trauma of growing up with an alcoholic and what I now realize, narcissistic, father.
When my mom left on Monday, I told her I 100% support her and wish she had left him sooner. This time I hope she does divorce him because it’s the first time she has said she wants a divorce. Where the issue lies is that I reached out my father last night. I sent him a simple video of a fox in my yard that always visits. He finds it so cool that I have a fox around since I live in the suburbs outside of Philly and it’s the last place we expected to see foxes. I sent him that video for me to see if he would respond or if he’s so deep into drinking right now that he would ignore it. He responded this morning.
While on the phone with my mom this morning. I casually mentioned that I sent him that fox video and he didn’t respond till the morning, so I assumed he was drinking all night. She was immediately upset. She said my other two siblings (31M & 24F) are not talking to my dad because of how mean he is to my mom when he’s drinking. I told her I reached out for me and I was hoping that by one of the kids still talking to him normally that he would be less hostile towards her if they go through a divorce. I told her I plan to lay out boundaries like that he cannot speak poorly of my mother to me or my child, he will not be intoxicated around my child, and he will not be verbally abusive to me or to / around my child.
She said that by acting like everything is okay between him and I, that I am condoning his actions towards my mom. I told her that I’m sorry if me reaching out to him hurt her and that wasn’t my intention. I do not condone the way he treats my mom and I have stuck up for her many times when he has been verbally abusive to her when I am around.
I want to make this process easier for her by keeping peace with my dad. I also told her that every time she has left he got sober again for the kids because we wouldn’t speak to him, and that I want him to get sober for himself this time. That I also don’t want my mom to go back to him if he gets sober because his kids won’t speak to him.
Basically, I’m seeing the same cycle from my teen years playing out again as an adult and I do not want to react the same way my teenage self did. I do plan on cutting my dad off if he crosses my boundaries I plan to lay out when I see him next. But my mom thinks I’m taking his side now because I sent a video of a fox to him. Meanwhile I FaceTime my mom every day. Sometimes 2-3x a day since she left him. I live 4 hours away so I go visit about once a month.
I told her I am not picking sides and I intend on maintaining my relationships with both parents as long as each person respects my boundaries. I plan to support my mom financially through this and give her a place to stay with me whenever she wants. I told her there is only “one side” and that’s the side that my dad is an alcoholic who needs help and my mom is who he takes his anger out on and she needs to get out of that situation. Both parents need my help and I intend on helping both of them how they need me to unless one of them disrespect me or my family.
So AITA for wanting to maintain a relationship with both parents? Should I cut my dad off for his drinking and verbal abuse that has hurt us and my mom for so many years? Or should I maintain the Switzerland approach.
TLDR; My mom left my dad due to drinking and mental/verbal abuse and she believes I am in the wrong for wanting to still maintain a relationship with him.

I never thought I’d be sharing this because it’s insanely personal so I’ll try to spare the details.
Basically around 8th grade I was super sick and anxious about high school. I was enrolled in a school that was prestigious but my parents didn’t have enough money compared to my classmates. The school was in a predominantly white area which my parents moved to because they didn’t like the Chinatown we lived in (self hate probably).
So when I was sick, my parents never took me to the doctor and I had to go to school anyways. I had super strict teachers who graded everything way too insanely. With one of them my mom was fed up with but there was nothing we could do about it because my mom has gotten into arguments with the principal and isn’t allowed to contact the school anymore. My dad was somewhat out of the picture for business.
The whole year I felt like shit because of my parents not caring about my health and putting grades over everything. I was losing my memory and had headaches all the time. And I got an insanely racist attack from someone I thought was my friend. School didn’t do shit cuz her fam donates loads of money. I literally wanted to kill myself at times but no one cared.
In the end I didn’t get into the hs I wanted and my mom lost her marbles. Then suddenly she wanted me to go and didn’t want me to transfer probably cuz driving to that school was convenient. One girl from that school was watching/stalking my family from afar. She was in my neighborhood and math class. She would go to the gym same time as my mom to “befriend” her and my mom fell into the trap. One day she sent me a racist message cuz she was fed up with Asian people in her class and neighborhood. Mom didn’t even believe me at first. School also didn’t do shit about it.
I did have friends but they weren’t there for me and honestly I can’t blame them because they won’t understand my situation ever. So now we’ve moved back to the Chinatown we were living in cuz my mom was facing racism in her work and over can’t hold down a career.
TLDR: shitty period of life caused by AP and surrounding environment. I’m 20 now and this shit from 7-8 years ago still fucks w me and my trust in people.
If you read this far, please let this be the main takeaway: break the cycle by LISTENING TO YOUR KIDS. Don’t even have kids if you haven’t worked on loving yourself or establishing a career. Self hate and instability will always hurt your kids harder!