Ballers: Ball or Nothing” is the riveting documentary that follows the journey of Scotland’s only professional basketball team, the Glasgow Rocks, as they strive to end a 20-year trophy drought. Here is your complete guide to watch Ballers: Ball Or Nothing on BBC iPlayer on September 19 via VPN in USA.
The Glasgow Rocks, a team characterized by a small yet dedicated group of players and coaches, have been striving for victory despite facing numerous challenges, including limited funding.
The documentary showcases the heartwarming camaraderie and the relentless spirit of the team as they juggle multiple jobs to sustain themselves while pursuing their basketball dreams.
Ballers: Ball or Nothing” is the riveting documentary that follows the journey of Scotland’s only professional basketball team, the Glasgow Rocks, as they strive to end a 20-year trophy drought. Here is your complete guide to watch Ballers: Ball Or Nothing on BBC iPlayer Ballers: Ball or Nothing” is the riveting documentary that follows the journey of Scotland’s only professional basketball team, the Glasgow Rocks, as they strive to end a 20-year trophy drought. Here is your complete guide to watch Ballers: Ball Or Nothing on BBC iPlayer on September 19 via VPN in USA.
The Glasgow Rocks, a team characterized by a small yet dedicated group of players and coaches, have been striving for victory despite facing numerous challenges, including limited funding.
The documentary showcases the heartwarming camaraderie and the relentless spirit of the team as they juggle multiple jobs to sustain themselves while pursuing their basketball dreams.

Quick Steps: Watch Ballers: Ball Or Nothing from anywhere

Follow these simple steps to watch Ballers: Ball Or Nothing

1. Download a reliable VPN [we recommend ExpressVPN OR PureVPN as it provides exceptional streaming experience globally]
2. Download and install VPN app!
3. Connect to a server in the Uk
4. Login to Bbc iPlayer
5. Watch Ballers: Ball Or Nothing on Bbc iPlayer

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Why Do We Need a VPN to Watch ‘Ballers: Ball Or Nothing

Using a VPN allows you to bypass geographical restrictions by changing your IP address, enabling you to access content available exclusively in the UK. It is a necessary tool for fans outside the UK eager to follow the Glasgow Rocks’ journey in “Ballers: Ball or Nothing”.

Where to Watch ‘Ballers: Ball Or Nothing Online For Free

If you are in the UK, tuning in is straightforward. You can watch “Ballers: Ball or Nothing” on BBC Three or stream it online via BBC iPlayer for free. All you need are your TV provider credentials to access the service. On the other hand, for viewers in the USA, watching the series is a bit more complex due to geographical restrictions on BBC iPlayer. However, there is a workaround: using a VPN.
BBC iPlayer free trial gives access to its extensive content that includes the best movies and series to stream anytime. Also, the BBC iPlayer subscription plan offers affordable prices depending on the viewing preferences of people in the USA.
Moreover, BBC iPlayer is a free streaming service in the UK, but if you’re in the USA, you’ll need to purchase a TV license in order to view it legally. A TV license costs £157.50 ($195.36) a year and entitles you to use the BBC iPlayer and other BBC channels.

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What is the Release Date of Ballers: Ball Or Nothing

The documentary premiered on BBC Scotland on September 18, 2023, and in the UK on BBC Three on September 19, 2023.

About the Documentary Ballers: Ball Or Nothing

The documentary offers an intimate look at the Glasgow Rocks, showcasing the challenges and triumphs of a small yet dedicated team striving for victory despite limited funding. The series portrays the heartfelt efforts of the team, including the management’s endeavour to provide the utmost care for its players, helping them overcome various hurdles such as homesickness.

Behind the Scenes with the Glasgow Rocks

Under the guidance of MD Sean Skelly and Head Coach Gareth Murray, the team has managed to assemble a formidable group of players, including both domestic UK talents and imports from Europe and America. The documentary offers an intimate look into the lives of these players, portraying their struggles with homesickness and the pressures of being part of a team with limited resources yet unlimited heart.

Ballers: Ball Or Nothing Episode Guide

Here is a sneak peek into the first four episodes of the series:

• Episode 1 (September 19, 2023): The club’s sale news puts everything into doubt for the staff both on and off the court.
• Episode 2 (September 19, 2023): The new owners announce a shocking new name for the team.
• Episode 3 (September 26, 2023): The team faces turmoil due to homesickness, injuries, and on-court selfishness.
• Episode 4 (September 26, 2023): A new signing might be the turning point the team needs as they reach mid-season.

How to Watch the documentary Ballers or Nothing?

For viewers in the UK, the series is available on BBC Three and can be streamed online on BBC iPlayer shortly after its broadcast. International fans, however, will need to use a VPN service to access BBC iPlayer and follow the Glasgow Rocks in their pursuit of glory.

How many episodes are there in the “Ballers: Ball or Nothing” series?

The series consists of 8 episodes, detailing the highs and lows of the Glasgow Rocks’ season.

Can I watch “Ballers: Ball or Nothing” for free?

Yes, viewers in the UK can watch the series for free on BBC iPlayer. However, you will need to have TV provider credentials to access the service.

In a Nutshell

Ballers: Ball or Nothing” promises to be a series filled with determination, heart, and the spirit of teamwork. Whether you are in the UK or elsewhere, this guide ensures you won’t miss a moment of this inspiring journey.on September 19 via VPN in USA.
The Glasgow Rocks, a team characterized by a small yet dedicated group of players and coaches, have been striving for victory despite facing numerous challenges, including limited funding.
The documentary showcases the heartwarming camaraderie and the relentless spirit of the team as they juggle multiple jobs to sustain themselves while pursuing their basketball dreams.

"Good afternoon Ms. Lopez." I say, warmly greeting an elderly Cuban woman in her sixties. She smiles sweetly at me as she asks me if I am the chef behind today's food, in Spanish. I smile and nod at her, and she excitedly begins to chatter in Spanish, telling me the latest chisme regarding the latest romantic escapades occurring in her son's life.
I lightly place some ham on the sandwich I'm preparing for her as she excitedly gossips with me. I cleverly practice my active listening skills, while occasionally chiming in to let her know that I am actively aware of what she's saying. The woman is one of the last people to arrive during today's meal hour. She seems to operate on a sense of punctuality that is uniquely hers, almost like a force of nature. I almost admire it, if I'm being honest. My fellow volunteers look at me and smile as they sense the passive patience I radiate in this minor interaction.
The day has been one of the more chill ones in the soup kitchen, especially since I started actively championing the place. At our most busy we've served hundreds of families in a single day, and today we've served a few dozen. There's something quite nice about this moment of normalcy. I wonder if I sometimes took this level of mundanity for granted during this jump...
To be fair to myself a part of me is almost acting like I'm guaranteed to send myself to some apocalyptic hellscape and that's just not happening. I'm almost guaranteed to go to a place more dangerous than "9-5; a white-collar simulator", but I'm picking my next destination and after the decade of serenity I've had here I've got no reason to act like a dumbass and jeopardize my odds of long-term success in this career by sending myself to a death trap. Ms. Lopez smiles as she walks away, clearly believing she's shared vital chisme with me. To be fair, she did share gossip plenty of people would find juicy, but since I'm not some gossip I was the wrong audience for her words.
My fellow volunteers look at me and glance at my phone with curious looks. I pick up the thing and see that I've been missing an exhilarating conversation in our group chat. I skim the thing, my perfected memory allowing me to instantly catch up with the conversation the small gaggle of brave volunteers who kindly donate our weekend hours have been having before I begin to text the group back.
The rest of the day passes by in a blur. We wait for the people who've come for a meal to finish their food up and then we get to cleaning. After that we do a few sweeps of the parts of the church we've used before going our separate ways. I make my way home, and I do some light meal-prepping as well as practice a few more of my skills. At this point in my stay I've perfected my routine and could do it in my sleep... If I ever slept that is. In the entire time I've been in this setting I don't believe I've slept once. That is a nice feeling, since it means I never wasted an hour of my time, much less six.
The work week is a bit of a slog, since I am eagerly anticipating the news regarding my final promotion. I was never the sort to believe that time felt longer when you were excited about something, or dreading it, but in the time since I came to this setting I've gradually become a believer in such ideas even if they still feel a bit silly. Nonetheless. I diligently work through the week, keep my team on track, and when Friday rolls around I get the news I've waited for.
Thanks to "Gamer's Mind" I am able to keep my face even as the office's general supervisor explains this news to me and not outwardly express my excitement, but internally I am more excited than I've been about anything since I first entered this world. This news means that I'll be getting right around $3,000 dollars every two weeks just for existing! This means that in future jumps working will be optional unless I get really greedy, which frees me up to decide what I want to do in most modern settings. In medieval settings this amount of money could be even more vital, though at the same time such a thing could just... not matter, since in such a setting I could easily just avoid civilization, but this money will certainly liberate me from a lot of the struggles of wasting vast swathes of a jump at a job I don't want.
At the time that I was being told the good news I almost began to cry. Thank goodness for Gamer's Mind, I guess.
Nine years ago I was down on my luck and down to my last dollars when I got the job offer that led me here and this news means that I am free from such things. The freedom and power that comes with making enough to get by, especially passively, is awe-inspiring, and it's quite difficult for me to find the words to express how excited it makes me feel even days after it. I spend... close to a week passively smiling and being just ambiently happy, as I begin to integrate a new set of responsibilities into my work life.
During this time my decision to fix the coffee machine in the office break-room by hand after it almost burns a colleague results in me getting a new class; "Handyman" and the initial ability I receive is a simple one that bolsters my agility a touch, agility being my attribute tied to fine motor skills. I skillfully use this class to actually fix various things by hand, and I begin to steadily accrue various maintenance skills. In days I gain class levels, and with each class level I am able to repair things faster, more cheaply, and eventually my ability to fix matures into an ability to improve things, which I instinctively know will lead to some shenanigans down the line. Before I know it days have turned into weeks, which age and turn into months. My skills with leadership and motivation have continued to improve and I lead my team with my full focus and skillful decision-making. Before I know it I am in the final leg of the final stretch of my first jump.
I've been here for 119 months. Nine years and eleven months. It's actually been... even longer than that. I'm at the beginning of the final week of my stay here, and my hands idly clean a dish as I passively listen to Pastor Charlie, one of the few guest pastors the church has invited in years deliver a sermon. He has the congregants enraptured and eating out of the palm of his hand as he speaks about a miracle that "Our Lord" once performed. His voice is a pleasant distraction and one of my twin trains of thought listens and takes notes on how the man delivers his sermon. Physically I seem to be engrossed in the man's sermon when someone, one of the church's assistants, taps on my shoulder and gestures for me to walk over to the pastor's office. I stealthy get up, activating "Rogue" and make my way out of the serving area adjacent to the kitchen. I relax a touch when I'm in the long hallway leading me to Tyler's, Pastor Rhodes's, office.
As I walk down the humble hallway I feel a strange sense of finality wash over me. There's something uncommonly... real about this trek. I feel more solid, more whole than I have in a while, and I suspect that it's because this is my last time in this soup kitchen, this church. I won't be returning here, at least not for a while, and that's sad. It's not the saddest thing that's ever happened to me, but it is kind of a bummer and I allow myself to feel a touch of real, genuine sadness at the sobering realization that when I leave this place I'll be leaving for a long time.
I eventually put that thought away, shelving it and compartmentalizing my thoughts so I can focus on better, happier things. My enhanced senses allow me to spot things like faint cracks too thin for normal humans to spot, and as I walk past them I cast my handy spell on them. I watch as the walls of the hallway repair themselves and I smile, sensing the powerful potential of the spell at my fingertips. I reach the office of the man I've spent plenty of weekends working alongside, and under, and I smile, even internally, when he looks up and spots me. He greets me with a smile and motions for me to sit down. When I do what he asks, he immediately begins to speak.
"Lucas, I apologize for calling out to you but I wanted to check in. Today you seemed... Out of it." The man exclaims, and judging from the way my heart jumps in my chest I realize that some people are just.... more intuitive than others. My acting skill gets a nice little load of experience when I mask my reaction to his words and let out a small, natural sounding laugh in response to his question.
"Tyler," I begin, causing the man to wince. I'm an atheist, or at least I was pre-chain, now... well, now I'm a lot more curious about religion than I was before. I'm not sure if gods exist, but I sure as shit know the supernatural does and I'm not in the business of denying what I can see. I've made my vague religious position clear to the man long ago so he insists I call him "Tyler" which I've personally always found a bit awkward, but there's something a little funny about how it disarms him so cleanly during this interaction. "I'm doing... Okay. I AM bummed I won't be here next week." I state, calmly. This causes my friend's eyes to widen in surprise.
"You're missing a week? I'm sure some of our regulars will be disappointed. Is everything alright?" The man asks. His question is so sincere, so genuine that it's mildly disarming.
I'm... not a nice person. I'm far from mean, sure, but I've come to accept that there's a core of kindness in some people, even in many people, and I am not someone who has that core, that central, unconscious, guiding light that moves them towards kindness with the ease and naturalness of a heartbeat. At my core rests something else, something I don't know if I can articulate in just a few words.
I wouldn't say I'm mean or anything like that but I'm far more cynical than a lot of the people I've met are. In this world, especially, it seems like a lot of people are just decent at heart and I suspect that that was and is the case in the world I was born on as well. Tyler is one of the people I've met whose central guiding light seems to be centered around decency and kindness and I think in any world the man could find himself in he'd strive to be kind. It's almost like interacting with a real version of Ned Flanders from The Simpsons...
"I'm okay. I'm gonna be doing other stuff, and I normally prioritize the soup kitchen over my work or social life," I state, and this isn't a flex it's simply a very true statement. Tyler hears the remark and smiles faintly. "But I've been asked to help out with other stuff from friends who wouldn't ask if it wasn't something they really felt they could handle alone. I'm just gonna miss one weekend, and then I'll be back." I remark, and Tyler smiles at me.
"Okay Lucas. If you need any help you'd ask, right?" Tyler asks, and I consider the question. This is only somewhat an act, as I don't know if I'd ask for help if I needed it. I ultimately nod at the man and I can sense a touch of sadness as he studies my response, which I don't love but I also don't really feel right lying anymore than is necessary. The man makes some small talk and I quickly breeze through it. In minutes I am back in the kitchen with the others. And minutes after that I am cleaning with my fellow volunteers. Almost before I know it I'm stepping out of the church after we've cleaned out the kitchen. I glance at it one last time before I make my way home.
The next few days pass by in a blur, with only two minor oddities; the first being that I ask Hannah to come out with me on Friday night. I have got to see if I can stomach the idea of any sort of romance in a jump, and this is a consequence free way for me to do something along those lines. The second oddity is that I spend nearly all of my money purchasing... well, everything. Every night after work I go to various stores and spend the money that I really haven't needed all that much until now, purchasing things like weapons, food, and especially books. I buy boatloads of books, both ready and willing to use up something I won't be able to take with me into future jumps anyway in exchange for stuff I CAN take with me, thanks to the fiat-backed power of an infinite inventory.
The work week is, aside from what I do after work every night, pretty normal but Friday itself is weirdly solemn. The day passes by as quickly as any other day has, filled with minor encounters with glitches, and a few more annoyances with my small number of drawbacks but when five rolls around I clock out one last time and give the office a final look. I am weirdly slow when it comes to getting up and leaving my cubicle, in fact I'm actually one of the last office workers to leave the office but as I step out of the building I experience another burst of gratitude to Gamer's Mind, which keeps me from acting odd or even tearing up as I glance back at the place I've spent thousands of hours in.
I allow myself a beat to... honestly, grieve. I tell myself that it's okay to have feelings about leaving, even if those feelings are big and weird and are not the most fun. Nonetheless I don't linger here, at my place of employment, I have other things I both need and want to do. I use my inventory and change into a pretty casual outfit before I begin a brief walk. _________________________________________________________________________
​The park beside the office building is a rare example of a pristine location in the city. It is filled with natural greenery, and at the moment a stunningly pretty redhead glances at her phone waiting for someone to pop into view.
The redhead is wearing a pleasant looking dress and a jacket, as the weather is just beginning to take the seasonal turn towards the unpleasant. It's still warm enough that the clothes are mostly unnecessary but as she waits for her friend, a young man who has finally gotten the courage to ask her out on something vaguely approximating a date, she appreciates the wisdom of her decision to wear the slightly warmer than necessary clothes.
Her "date", mostly in her eyes though he is aware of her feelings and a part of him feels some happiness in the idea that this is a date, enters the park and spots her before she spots him. He reaches into his inventory and he retrieves something, a nice little bouquet he purchased earlier today and safely stored away. The flowers, prettily packed and all, appear as he walks towards the young woman.
Lucas is testing the waters here. He isn't testing the waters with Hannah specifically, but rather what it feels like to go on a date as a jumper. He has long had strange feelings about this, but he knows that he is going to leave tomorrow and so he wants to see if he can enjoy a date as a jumper, so he is doing a scientific experiment even if he feels... less than great about some aspects of all of this.
"Hannah!" Lucas says, calling out to one of his first, in fact one of his only, real friends in this world. The redhead excitedly turns and spots her longtime friend, waving at him and waving him over. She spots the bouquet and lets out a delighted sounding laugh, and when Lucas hears it the smile that alights his features is heartwarming.
In his day to day life some facets of Lucas's charisma-heavy build only rarely surface in ways that matter and his looks tends to be one such thing He is attractive enough that his looks can captivate and reside in one's imagination for a while after they first meet him, but right now, this early on along his chain his looks are only enough to make people have schoolgirl crushes on him and people can and do get used to his looks after a while. Still, in some moments this is enough to color the impression he makes on people. Right now, in a romantic context, his supernatural attractiveness is enough to change the sort of impression he makes on someone.
The handsome actor reaches his friend and sits down next to her. He hands her the flowers and for a moment a strange serenity washes over the two as they enjoy each other's company. Lucas looks inward and he realizes that he genuinely, well and truly, likes this moment. Hannah looks at him and eventually asks an important question.
"Lucas... how am I gonna hold these flowers?" She asks, and this makes him smile. He is quick to offer her a response.
"I'll take them when we get going but I saw them and I thought of you. I felt like I'd regret it if I didn't give you these." He says, and there is an odd, for him, level of sincerity and genuineness in his voice that makes Hannah giggle girlishly. Lucas right now is relying on his perk-enhanced instincts and the charisma he has honed through social encounters for the last decade, and he's enjoying how it feels.
Both of the figures on the "Date", though neither of them officially dubbed it that, enjoy the moment. Their passive delight and infatuation create an envy-inducing atmosphere of closeness and quiet joy that radiates outward. The park is nearly abandoned so there is no one to witness this moment other than Lucas's benefactor, and Lucas is simply at peace.
Eventually he lightly touches Hannah's hand, and asks her if she'd like to go and get dinner before they go to the movie they agreed on going to watch earlier this week. Hannah agrees, handing Lucas the bouquet and he, to her surprise, puts it in the bag he has on his person. When she asks if that will squish or hurt the flowers Lucas tells her, with a bizarre amount of confidence, that it won't. She eventually accepts this, having learned to trust that Lucas knows what he is doing, and the two of them begin a short walk to a mall they both know well.

I wanted to preface this by saying this occurred 7-8 years ago, when I was a sophomore in high school, and im a much different person now and not proud of who I was. Even so, the events of that semester haunt me even today, to the point that it occasionally keeps me up at night, I feel like if I get some impartial judgement on the situation I may be able to resolve some of the lingering grief. I feel like all things considered my actions were justified, but of course you will always be the protagonist fighting off the antagonists in your own story.
So it started in February 2017. I entered into an alternative high school program in my county designed to give students who couldn't otherwise function in normal schools a second chance. I had missed a few weeks due to a hospitalization earlier that year, and while my teachers had been lenient, I was having a difficult time catching back up and it was decided by my school counselors that I would be an excellent candidate for transfer.
It started off really well, I immediately was making new friends, I felt refreshed and hopeful about my new school, I really liked all my teachers, things finally felt right for the first time in awhile. Then I met a boy who i'll call "T", he was pretty cool, easy to talk to, very friendly, overall welcoming and we became friends right off the bat. I decided to get involved in extracurriculars, and T was part of the schools forensics club, which I had an interest in, so I joined up. On the trip we exchanged phone numbers, and ended up flirting over text over the next couple weeks. Eventually he asked me out and I accepted, this is where it started going downhill.
I figured dating this guy meant we would spend more time together, so we could really get to know each other, I was mistaken. I asked him to eat lunch with me, he wasn't interested, he wouldn't walk me to class or really interact with me outside of the classroom and texting. On top of this I learned some information about him over text that I will still not share because this story is still recognizable by those involved but lets just say it was a major turn off for me, I ended the relationship quickly. After that "J" and "A" his two female besties, quickly entered the scene to make my life a living hell. The initial accusation was that I led T on, and that I was trying to control him by forcing him to eat lunch with me, the truth is, I just wanted something different than what he was offering. I even told him we could still be friends. Meanwhile I was in my promiscuous phase and had many non serious flings and sugar daddy's and whatnot, this was just a run of the mill whelp that didn't work out moment for me, I was ready to move on immediately. They were not.
Rumors quickly spread about me, about me being a slut, apparently I was a prostitute and everyone seemed to know except me, and honestly I was unbothered by this. The prostitute thing was untrue, though I absolutely accepted gifts from people I talked to online, and I kinda was a slut, to be fair, so, not exactly the reputation I wanted but things could be much worse. I still had my friends, and I poured myself into my studies and ignited a love for STEM that I still have today.
Then one by one my friends disappeared. I would see them talking with A or J or one of their misc. associates. I was confused, because I hadn't done anything to them. I tried to talk to them, but I was blocked or laughed at, the more I was mocked and ridiculed the less confident about that whole thing I became. It wasn't just my current friends though, A kept tabs on who I was trying to befriend and snatched them up before I could clear the air. This happened with a couple people, but one in particular really hurt, i'll come back to him in a bit. I still had my best friend "M" who I had known years prior to coming to the school, she stuck around the longest, but eventually she started dating a guy from that clique, I was completely alone.
Meanwhile I was getting sneered at and laughed at, and whispered about, I would see girls I didn't know except through association with A and J who would point at me when they thought I couldn't see, and they'd lean into their friends to quitely gossip behind their hands. I tried not to see it, I found myself staring at the floor a lot.
I ended up talking to A and J and asking them to stop, I told them they were being immature (which in hindsight fanned the flames) there was no ceasefire. I ended up going to the school counselor who basically told us to be nice and did nothing to help. I talked to her 1 to 1 and explained the situation and she shrugged it off. I was growing increasingly desperate for support I wasn't receiving. I started to notice an impact to my grades, I was depressed, I couldn't focus, I was randomly tearful. I started eating lunch in a random corridor away from my peers. I wish I could have disappeared completely.
Then one day a boy transferred in from another school, a teacher asked for a volunteer to give him a tour of the building, I was chosen. His name was S. Talking to him was like a breath of fresh air, we hit it off quickly, I was so relieved to finally made a friend. We connected over history, he was a nerd like me and funny too. I went home that day and cried joyful tears, I was so excited to see him again the next day in first period, and when I walked into the room and saw A, J and him sitting together, my stomach hit the floor, we made eye contact and he just frowned and shook his head. I went to my desk and just put my head down and cried. At this point I didn't care if I was seen or not. This is the one that really got me.
A few weeks passed by, I was quietly working in biology class and I heard a dude call my name across the room, he said "OP, "D" thinks your cute!" and the group of guys laughed, I motioned the guy over, and gave him my number, I didn't have any interest in dating the guy but I really really wanted someone to talk to me. It wasn't even two hours before he was hitting it off with A.
At lunch time I went to a different counselor, one who showed more empathy to my situation. She told me I could stay in her office the rest of the day. 4th period came around and I was reeling in my head, I felt like I was a cornered animal, I was desperate for something to change. When she stepped out for a meeting I marched myself up to Spanish class, Which I shared with A, J, T, and S. I cracked the door and asked if I could speak with A in the hallway. I had the perfect speech planned, I had rehearsed a million times, that teacher said no. I told her it was incredibly important, she told me no and to get out. I looked at her, I looked at A, I stepped toward her and before I knew it she had a fist full of my hair, she was hitting me in the head while J grabbed my arms, I broke free and shoved J hard, and started punching A back but couldn't gather the momentum to do any damage as she still had my hair. The teacher who was 6 months pregnant tried to step in, I was so disoriented I shoved her away with my elbow. A male teacher came in and pulled us apart. I looked around at several cameras, faces of disgust. Sam looked at me and said "what the fuck is wrong with you?" I took my bags, and ran out into the hallway, down the stairs and was almost out of the building when the principal stopped me. I was suspended for a week.
My mom picked me up and I told her everything. We decided I would be withdrawn and I would be homeschooled the rest of high school. I eventually got my GED. I mellowed out, met my husband, and now we have a sweet baby boy. For some reason though, my heart can't handle what happened, even still it plays on a loop in my head. Everything I never got to say is still in my throat and has been since that day. Im hoping sharing this will finally put all that to rest. I want to move on, truly.
AITA?

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUOUAr-WvFk
1:37 - Traits of a Narcissist
A narcissist has an insatiable need for admiration, affirmation, and validation, all of which are their drug of narcissistic supply. They believe themselves to be superior and grandiose, they're arrogant, they lack empathy, they're exploitative, they have unreasonable demands of people. These are all traits that are opposite from the traits of Jesus Christ and yet a religious context is often the most optimal place for a narcissist to freely practice their narcissism while appearing virtuous or pious. So I'm going to share with you 10 insights into why narcissists love religion and how they use it to serve their own purposes.
2:22 - Why It's Important to Understand Why Narcissists Love Religion
It's important to understand these things because Jesus warns his followers to beware of false prophets which come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. Hopefully these 10 insights will help you hack into whether or not you're dealing with a true follower or true shepherd or minister of Christ or a narcissist who is posing as one of these roles instead of being there to serve.
2:51 - #1 - The Abundance of Narcissistic Supply to be Had
The first reason why narcissists love religion is because of the abundance of narcissistic supply that could be had. It's a reality there is so much narcissistic supply to be had in religious settings. And narcissistic supply, as I mentioned before, is the praise, admiration, validation, honor, sense of significance that a narcissist is addicted to in order to regulate their negative emotions. So a religious context provides an easy platform for a narcissist because they could get access to a stage or a pulpit or a mic or some means to exert influence where they can gain all of that admiration and praise or a sense of superiority where they can present themselves as godly or pious individuals or chosen by God or specially anointed, all of this to gain validation and attention from people. And like I mentioned all of these things are a drug that a narcissist is addicted to and it is what actually feeds them, more than actually being in a relationship with God but to the pure all things are pure so there are many people in church and religious contexts who are honest good-hearted who believe the best about others and so they can be gullible to the narcissists around them who have disguised themselves as pious people for the sake of getting narcissistic supply and this is truly an evil because a narcissist pursuit of narcissistic supply comes at the cost of destroying and stepping on other people without any regard for their welfare.
4:32 - #2 - The Allure of Control and Power
The second reason why narcissists love religion is because of the alert of control and power. Religion offers a structure of beliefs and practices that can be manipulated by narcissists to exert control over others. For example a narcissist may twist and distort doctrines and scriptures to justify their authority and demand obedience from followers they could create God in their own image, which a lot of them do rather than follow and conform themselves to the God of the Bible. This kind of control feeds into the narcissist need for domination and power and it can get to a dangerous point where religious narcissist replaces God with themselves where they subtly over time position themselves as intermediaries between individuals and God. A narcissist might manipulate followers into believing that they alone possess the ability to interpret God's will or to speak on his behalf a narcissist does this whether consciously or unconsciously to elevate themselves to a divine status in the eyes of their followers and they may never say that they are doing this outright because no person would ever accept a human saying that you have to worship them like a god but a narcissist will certainly have structures and systems in place to make this a reality. And a follower or member of that religious context might not even realize what is happening until one day they notice that this narcissist has taken on an increasingly central role in their life and is dictating their decisions and their behaviors as if they were the ultimate authority. If you notice that you might be in a spiritual environment like this or someone you love might be and you're wondering if there's spiritual abuse going on or if it's a cult I put together a checklist to help you assess that situation and you can get access to it by clicking on the link in the description box below it's a really good tool to help you identify if the religious context you're in is toxic or has turned into a cult.
6:47 - #3 - Camouflage for Manipulation
The third reason why narcissists love religion is because it serves as a camouflage for manipulation. Religious contexts serve as a perfect camouflage for narcissist to disguise their true intentions these are places where it's easy for narcissists to cloak their behaviors and demands in spiritual language where they can manipulate and exploit others while appearing righteous and virtuous at the same time. And what better setup could there be for a covert narcissist who can continue acting narcissistic while appearing like a saint in the process there's no other place except churches and ministries and religious environments.
7:29 - #4 - Their ability to exploit certain teachings for personal gain
The fourth reason why narcissists are drawn to religion is because of their ability to exploit certain teachings for personal gain. Many religious communities emphasize principles like forgiveness, redemption, giving a second chance, reconciling, turning the other cheek, submitting to authority, and narcissists exploit these teachings extensively. They may present themselves as repentant as enlightened or they could be demanding forgiveness and reconciliation from others while refusing to cultivate Christ-like virtues within themselves so all this manipulation allows them to continue exploiting others behind this facade of being Godly.
8:15 - #5 - It allows them to Idolize their Self-Image
The fifth reason why narcissists love religion is because it allows them to idolize their self-image. Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe that they are special or unique so religion can offer a platform to reinforce this idealized self-image where they can portray themselves as chosen by God or having special spiritual gifts or insights or anointing.
8:44 - #6 - The Lack of Accountability
The sixth reason why narcissists love religion is because of the lack of accountability. Some denominations or churches or contacts might have more accountability than others but narcissist tend to gravitate towards those religious contexts that don't have much or have very little. Many religious narcissists exploit religious settings because they perceive them to be environments where their behaviors are less likely to be questioned or challenged so this lack of accountability allows them to continue their manipulative tactics without being questioned or challenged.
9:23 - #7 - It Gives Them a Get-Out-of-Jail Free Card from Having to Self-Reflect
The seventh reason why narcissists love religion is because it gives them a get out of jail free card from having to self-reflect. Narcissists typically struggle with self-awareness and introspection so religion offers a way for them to avoid confronting their own wounds or trauma or shortcomings by focusing on outward religious performance or acquiring religious knowledge, all this outward stuff that they can focus on. It's like Jesus saying to the Pharisees they're like these whitewashed tombs; they look beautiful and nice on the outside but inside they're full of dead man's bones. The attraction to religion allows a narcissist to spiritually bypass themselves where they can use all kinds of spiritual language like it's all washed by the blood or things like that to avoid dealing with deeper unresolved trauma within themselves and getting healed from it because there is power in Christ for healing but you have to do the work.
10:26 - #8 - Entitled and Exploit People in those Contexts
The eighth reason why narcissists love religion is is because it's easy for them to be entitled and to exploit people in these contexts in religious settings. Narcissists may feel entitled to special treatment or privileges due to their perceived spiritual status they might exploit others trust and vulnerability for their own personal gain and control. Narcissists may expect people to serve them, like a slave, free of charge. For instance, because they believe that they have a God-like status or they might expect people to hand their wealth over to them or neglect their own families in order to put the narcissist first all in the name of God.
11:09 - #9 - They Can Create a God in Their Own Image
The ninth reason why narcissists love religion is because they can create a God in their own image. Narcissists are not interested in cultivating Godly virtues within themselves as I mentioned before they would rather project their own traits onto God viewing him as judgmental, angry, or traits that resonate more with their narcissistic personality, more than who God actually is. And this kind of behavior allows narcissists to maintain a sense of superiority and justification for their actions.
11:43 - #10 - The Facade of Moral Superiority
The 10th reason why narcissist love religion is the facade of moral superiority religion provides narcissists with this platform to project a false sense of being moral or virtuous or Godly. And they can create this facade by practicing all the religious rituals and portray themselves in a certain way in front of people like this upstanding citizen, but in reality they could be practicing all kinds of dark deeds in private without people knowing hiding their true intentions all with this mask of piety and so that can serve very well for many narcissists and to enable them to continue their dark practices in secret while people are believing that they are this Godly pious person and that is actually a very hypocritical way to live and Jesus actually condemned these kinds of practices because that is what the religious leaders were doing in Biblical times but many narcissists gravitate towards religious settings in order to be able to continue living out this hypocritical lifestyle.
So understanding why narcissists are drawn to religion is really important in order to recognize and address the manipulation that can happen in churches and ministries while many churches and ministries promote cultivating Christ-like qualities. Sadly those same places attract narcissist to them because of opportunities it presents for control and admiration and validation but hopefully by being aware of these dynamics we can hopefully discern between genuine spiritual leaders and those who are using religion to drive their own ego-driven motives. Remember Jesus warned against the false prophets so hopefully by applying these insights we can navigate relationships in churches and ministries and operate with God's wisdom and discernment where we can be as shrewd as a snake and as innocent as a dove.
*Thanks to u/Jdub20202 for the video recommendation.

It's 2024. An average woman has internet and she probably has dozens of men on social media she admires. An average male will never be able to measure up to those gifted guys.
If you are struggling too much as an average male in relationship, let it go. You'll not be able to live up to her ideals of the males.
Majority of couples met on dating apps (30% of them it's a primary medium now) anyone claiming that dating app users are some fringe minority has not read much data coming from various surveys on couples.
Being average means, you are in majority 80% men (there's whole lot of people like you, who suffer in dark). It's time to reignite brotherhood and support each other.
What should average man do? Accept reality of 2024.
You are not valuable to women as an average male. Prime example is that average woman can put on makeup, go to a club dozens of men will hit on her. She can upload photos on Instagram, and receive thousands of likes. She can go to Tinder and receive 100s of matches.
You can't. Then how are you equal to her? It's like asking for a billionaire to have a business deal with you. Yes she may give you chance (but it's designed to see you fail, you'll end up with much lower self esteem after being dumped or ghosted)
Love does not exist for vast majority of men will never be at the receiving end.
You'd be grateful and in top 20% males, if a woman even does anything for you and even more rare if she does it consistently for you.
Vast majority of males will never be loved. They'll be the ones who'll make all efforts, buy presents, arrange dates, initiate conversations, make it interesting and all.
You may even get so far, you bought house, you bought the dream car. You dream of having kids and family. Then you hear "I've sometime to tell you, I've lost feelings for you".
Nothing is guaranteed, more so if not blessed in some way acknowledged widely by society.
It will be enjoyable the first time, till someone kicks your heart and you realize movies lied to you.
If you are top 20% male, just a glance at a woman will make her fill with desire for you.
If you are not, move mountains, and while you keep moving them sun will shine, when you stop this and take time for yourself because you got burned out for doing too much for too long, boom everything vanishes.
If you were lucky, your mom loved you if not that's was probably last hope of experiencing love (where you didn't have to do much to get it)
As a man, we should not really have much hope of life. Nothing will be just handed to us. Most of what makes us attractive is either set at birth or need astronomical efforts with crazy good luck on your side.

i'm working on a novel and would like to know if anyone could tell me any improvements i could make to the first chapter and prologue
Prologue
The day had started the same way it had for the past two years. The only difference was that I was going home. The hallway was crowded with people walking to and from their classes. Everyone was crowded next to each other so the halls were making the area feel claustrophobic. All the people talking mixed with the summer heat made me feel like I was locked in a sauna. I walked with Preston to the last class we would ever have together and as usual he was smiling. I never got why he always smiled even in situations where people should be sad he still smiled. He knew what today meant for me and he tried to keep light of the situation. I kept my head down away from what was ahead of me. My mind was too clouded about returning to see my family to notice anything in front of me. I walked into another student. It felt like I had walked into a wall. I knew immediately I had walked into tree. I stumble onto the ground and the commotion around me slows down to make room for us. He turned his bulky body around and apologized profusely without saying a word even though I had walked into him. He helped me off of the ground before hurrying down the hall.
“Alexandria, are you doing okay?” Preston said he had tilted his body downward so I had to look down to look him in his eyes. The way he was standing made him look like an idiot but he didn't seem to care. The way he acted made me laugh, which caused his smile to widen.
“I'm doing fine, just got lost in my head.”
“Thinking about how you’ll leave soon,” he said
“Was it that obvious?” He was the only person I told about me being an exchange student. I came to spend high school in Newkinawa and he was the only person I ever hung out with.
“I see what you mean,” he said “Newkinawa is a beautiful place with beautiful people to live in it…myself included”
“You wish,” I say with a smile we continue walking through the hallway “I'm just not excited to go back yet”
After I say that his smile grows wider “So you will miss me after all”
“I wouldn't say that much” I responded whilst smiling.
We had made it to our last class only to see it closed with a sign labeled “Uma incident” Uma was a student known for messing with the chemistry lab and destroying school property in the process. I've never actually met her but Preston says “She's a little weird but still nice”
“Guess class is canceled for today,” Preston remarked with a smile “Wanna go out to the court till the bell rings.”
“Sure let's go” I respond
The place we ate every day was outside. It used to be a tennis court before I moved in. Now they put trees and flowers all over the place. Preston really liked the blue color of the flowers but it just never clicked for me. I look over at Preston and he's staring up at the sky. There are a number of clouds in almost enough to block the sun but it still pokes its rays through and lands on Preston's face. The clouds swim in front of the sun till they block out the sun's light. Preston faces towards me.
“I'm gonna miss you Alexandria” he says
“You know you can just call me Alex,” I replied. I start to smile again. “I'll miss you too!" He smiles toward me again as we get up to leave as the clouds start to clump together and rain slowly falls. As we're walking back to the school there's a loud tearing sound followed by screams as the ground shakes.
The ground tears itself apart as the dirt and stone erupt from the ground. The sky blackens and a pale blue light escapes the earth. Then creatures erupt from the ground in a violent ejection from the earth creating a white pillar diffusing as they reach higher in the air. Some are clawing their way out of the cracks like maggots out of a corpse. People are swept into the updraft screaming for their lives.
The creatures descend like a tidal wave and tear apart any people caught in their path. They storm out of the crack in hundreds as more cracks in the earth form. Me and Preston started running away as people were screaming behind us. A girl running next to us has her legs slashed by a creature. The monster begins to tear open her chest as she chokes on her own blood. The monster shovels her lungs and innards into its decrepit mouth. Me and Preston keep running until we're met at the entrance of the school and we catch the attention of a monster as it begins to savagely rush toward us. The monster resembles ghosts my father told me about. But this one looks monstrously horrific. It floats in the air and opens its mouth so wide it nearly replaces its entire torso; its jaws hold savage teeth each the same old gray color of its body. Its eyes glow a rotten yellow color through the dark. It stretches out its arms showing its giant hands and claws like fingers. It swipes at us leaving a giant claw mark on the door behind us but Preston ducks my body down to avoid the attack. We run around it as the monster swaps its focus to another bystander. Screaming past us. Me and Preston run into the parking lot as people scream around us. We hide next to a car.
“What the hell is happening!?” I yell to Preston. More of the creatures fly over us and swoop down to people like vultures on roadkill devouring the fleeing people.
Preston starts to breathe heavily ”we need to get out of here and someplace safer”. As we were talking one of the monster phases through the car we were hiding next to forcing us to run into the street.
“Lets go to your house till things cool down” i say to Preston through panted breaths
“Wait couldn't we head to your house instead” Preston says.
“Why would that matter your house is closer anyways” i respond
“But-” Preston is interrupted by two creatures swooping above us to grab another person. The two monsters begin to pull the person apart while he writhes in pain before having his flesh be torn in half and having his organs be devoured.
“Come on lets go!!” I say as I grab his hand and run even faster.
By the time we reach Preston's house any living person is gone. On the street are just corpses laying torn and mutilated on the roads and sidewalk. The air in the neighborhood feels cold despite the season being summer. When I walk down the street I can still hear the occasional horrific wail the monsters give off. We move closer to Preston's house and I can see him sweating. He looked more worried than before when the creatures were chasing us and he kept darting his eyes away from his home.
“Preston, are you feeling okay?” he doesn't respond to my question and keeps darting his eyes. He walks slowly behind me and as I reach for the door handle and when I touch it it feels nearly freezing. I wrap my hoodie around my hand and slowly open the door. The house is quiet so me and Preston creep further into his house. The inside is cold and damp as if we were locked in a freezer. The further we move into the house the louder a subtle chewing sound is heard.
“It sounds like rats are eating a dead cow over there” I whisper. Preston continues to stay silent behind me. We slowly walk closer towards the kitchen and the sound gets louder and louder and louder until we reach the room.
We're met with a rancid smell of vomit and blood. My blood starts to run cold and every instinct in my body is telling me to run. I can feel Preston breathing get heavier as we get closer. We turn the corner and see Preston's mom lying on the ground dead with one of the creatures hunched over slurping her intestines. The sight causes me to vomit alerting the monster to our presence. The creature turns around and its mouth turns into a mortifying grin as it flies into Preston's moms body. The corpse begins to rise and spur splashing blood over the kitchen. When the corpse stops spasming it picks itself up from the ground and with glazed over eyes it holds its intestines in its hand and gives us the same grin it did when it was outside her body. The possessed corpse lunges at me and starts to chase me around the kitchen. The body is running into the walls and cabinets spraying its blood and other loose organs around the area as I'm avoiding its assault. The corpse leans over and ejects one of its loose intestines towards me, wrapping me in it. It pulls me towards it so fast I'm flung towards the ground. The corpse limbers over to me and raises its free hand aiming for my head. The creature's deranged smile causes the corpse’s cheeks to tear apart. It places both of its bloodied and demented hands on my face and starts to press my skull into the ground. I struggle to breathe. The room starts to get dark and blood escapes my head.
Until Preston jumps on top of his mothers corpse with a kitchen knife and repeatedly stabs it in the head. The possessed body tries to shake him off but he keeps stabbing, blood gets in on his face and tears start to escape his eyes. The creature violently ejects from the corpse's mouth causing her head to nearly explode and Preston stops stabbing the body. The body falls over in a splash of blood and organs. The monster leaves phasing through the roof leaving Preston crying over his mother's body. As the blood mixes with the tears he collapses to his knees crying. I walk over and hug him as the air around us turns bitter and the chill of death leaves the room and us with it.
Chapter 1 Eclipse
It's been 2 months since the apocalypse started. We've kept ourselves alive by looting grocery stores and houses, we hide from the creatures as we have no way to fight back against them. Preston came up with the idea to call them glanter’s. He’s looking better since we left his family home but I can tell something is wrong with him that he's not telling me. Everytime I ask him about it he tells me it's no big deal. I asked him earlier today and he just told me
“don't worry about it, I'm over it” without even looking at me. Now we're walking through the street and I'm walking behind Preston, I can barely see his head past the giant bag we're both carrying on our backs we use to carry supplies. I look up at the sky and it's still pitch black except for the moon giving us any amount of light. Preston turns around to face me.
“Let's check out that house, it might have some cool stuff in it” he points to a white house to our right. The house is a two story building with steps leading to the front door. There's a generator poking out from the backyard. The driveway is empty save for a couple of dried blood stains and tire marks. It's similar to the other houses in the neighborhood except for a couple broken windows.
“Sure why not” We head over to the house and I see something shining on the side of the house in the corner of my eye. I turn my head to look at it closer but it quickly disappears before I can see it clearly.
“Probably squirrel or something” I mumble to myself. Preston walks up the stairs to the house and I walk up the steps behind him as a breeze blows past my face. Preston tries to turn the door knob but the door is locked. I start to pull out a lockpick I grabbed at the store earlier. I motion towards Preston to move out of the way as I kneel down to pick the lock. It takes me a couple of minutes to unlock the door so I walk inside the house and Preston follows behind me while closing and locking the door. The doorway of the house leads to a dark room so I take a flashlight out of my bag to illuminate the area. Were put into the living room and bookshelves are on the walls and a large TV sat in front of a large black couch with smaller chairs surrounding it. Dust is covering every surface of the room and spiderwebs litter the corners of the walls. The area smells like moth balls and there's a lack of blood anywhere nearby.
“Guess the owners got out before the Glanter’s got in, '' I say to Preston. When he doesn't respond I turn around and he's already looking further into the house. When I find him he's managed to find a flight of stairs that lead to a lower portion of the house.
“I'll check on him later,” I think to myself as I headed towards the kitchen to see if we could restock on food. I walk past a bedroom and remark on how childish it looked. The walls were painted with blue and green stripes and a bunk bed sat on the right wall. There's a chest at the foot of the bed so I walk over and lift the top off of it. The box is layered with children's toys, a multitude of dolls, bears, and figures all jut out of the box. I notice a small robot toy and inspect it in my hands.
The cold metal makes my hand shiver and the sharp body shape makes the robot bigger than my hand. There's red lining around the robot's buttons surrounded by the cold gray of the robot's “skin”. It reminds me of a toy my little brother had. My heart feels heavy as I worry about what happened to my family. If they're alive, dead, or worse…possessed. The thoughts send a chill down my spine but I push them aside for now. I put the toy in my bag and exit the bedroom.
I can see the kitchen is down the hallway so I walk down the hall and enter. The kitchen is pretty clean except for a couple of dishes in the sink and the dust. There's a table seated for 3 people in the center of the room. I start opening the cabinets in search for any food or water. There's boxes of cereal leftover on top of shelves and a mix of chip bags and cookies in neat boxes stationed in the cabinets.
“Score,” I say to myself as I begin to put the snacks into my bag. When the cabinets are empty I look inside the fridge. The inside of the fridge ran out of power so most of the food inside is rotted. There are a couple of bottles of water in the front so I shove those in my bag. There's also a bag of oranges that still seem to be healthy in the back. I grab them and toss them on the table. There's rotten sandwich meat hidden in the drawer of the fridge.it smells like a dumpster outside of a butcher shop. I wrinkle my nose at the smell. I look around the kitchen for any bread with no luck.
I continue to look through the fridge until I hear Preston scream from another room. Immediately I bolt out of the kitchen leaving my bag behind and run towards the lower part of the house. I run down the stairs and nearly trip on the steps. The stairs lead to a big room. There are posters to tv shows and movies I don't recognize. The walls are painted black and there's a bear skin rug on the floor. I notice Preston standing next to a really big TV hyperventilating. I walk over to him and ask him.
“Are you ok? What happened?”
He talks through deep breaths “I… saw a… spider.”
“What?!” I respond in confusion.
“It was really big and I had jumped at my face”
“Sure it was.” I say while laughing “Let's go upstairs there's some food in the fridge we can eat”
“Wait, I think you should check this out.” He says while pointing towards one of the walls. I grab Preston's flashlight off the floor and face it towards the wall. Hanging halfway off the wall is a large map labeled Newkiwana scavenger hunt of 76.
“I think we should take it,” Preston says “You can read a map right?”
“A little but I'm not the best at it,” I say to him “can you read a map?”
“it shouldn’t be too hard it’s mainly pictures any way I'm sure I can figure it out”
I walk over to the wall where the map is hung there are trophies covering tables and shelved in their own personal cases one of them reads “1st place 100-meter swimming competition for 1986 Zack Hemmingway” and another one reads “2nd place 100-meter swimming competition for 1989 Zack Hemmingway”
“Guess this guy really liked swimming,” Preston remarks while staring at a wall of newspaper clippings. All of them are about the same person in swimming competitions. All labeled different things like “a new record for Zack “the dolphin” Hemmingway”,
‘Zach Hemmingway our star plans for the future” all the newspapers are about this kind he has paler skin and a bulky enough build to swim pretty well. Most of the pictures have him coming out of the water in a pool, his long black hair soaked and sitting at his shoulders. Another one has him sitting at a desk over a pile of books and his hair in a knot , “vicious wipeout ends the Dolphins career”, and “ex-swim champ Zack Hemmingway found in a drunken stupor outside strip club.
“Everyone has their own hobbies I guess,” I say as I take the map off of the wall and fold it up. “Sucks what happened to Zack though” I walked over to Preston’s bag and put the rolled map in one of the pockets. I walk back up the stairs and Preston grabs his bag and follows behind me.
We make our way towards the kitchen and Preston starts looking through the fridge for anything to eat. I grab an orange from the table and throw it at his head. The fruit bounces off his head and rolls on the floor. He turns around and grabs the fruit from the floor
“Why did you throw an orange at me?”
“It's the only food we have unless you plan on eating spoiled a sandwich“ He starts to peel it while walking towards the table. We both take a seat and start to eat the oranges from the bag. He plants his feet on top of the table and bites into the fully peeled orange. I grab a water bottle from a bag and start to drink from it as Preston says.
“I saw a dvd player in that man cave downstairs we could watch a movie if it still has power”
“Sure it could be fun.” Me and Preston spend the rest of our time eating until the bag of oranges is emptied and we head back downstairs. Preston grabs the DVD player from under the table and blows the dust off the top of it; he plugs it into the wall as I plop myself onto the couch. He plugs the DVD player into the TV and sits on the recliner next to me. He presses a few buttons on the remote and the TV lights up. I squint my eyes at how bright it is. It's the most amount of light I've seen that didn't come from a flashlight. I notice there's a box filled with DVDs. I pull the box over towards me. I ruffle through the box and see movies like Silence of the Lambs, Terminator 2, and Home alone.
“Dude some of these came out just before the world turned inside out” I say to him.
“Really? Let's play one.” He responds. I toss him Terminator 2 and he puts it into the DVD player.
We spend the next couple hours watching movies and laughing together. It's some of our only moments of peace we’ve had since the end of the world and to me it's the most fun I've had yet. We're putting in the next DVD when there's a loud crash outside and the TV shuts off. Preston goes behind it to see if it's still plugged in.
“I think the generator outside is busted” i say
“It seems that way” Preston replies while backing away from the tv” i'm gonna go check it out”
“Don't worry I got it” I say as I hop out of my chair. Preston waves goodbye as I head up the stairs. I make my way back through the hallway leading to the living room and front door. I reach the door and start to turn the knob. I open the door wide as a car speeds down the street. I step out of the door to see what had happened when I hear the screech of a glanter. It cuts through the sky like an unholy opera singer. A group of them fly by and chase the car as I rush back inside the house. I slam the door shut and look through the window as I see a couple of smaller glanters grab and shake the car violently looking for the driver. They tear at it, ripping off doors and breaking the windows. The driver screams as the seats cover with blood and he's ripped out of the car as multiple smaller glanters tear and bite off parts of his body like piranha's until his body is completely devoured. I run back to the man cave to warn Preston about what had happened. I spot him laying in his chair spinning a DVD disc on his finger.
“It's not safe outside right now”
“Why not?
“There's glanter's outside, they just ate a dude in his car”
“Did they see you come inside?”
“I don't think so , they flew off before I went inside.”
“well we're not dead so I'm gonna say they didn't see you. But let's stay here for a couple more hours just to be safe”
“Sounds good i'm gonna go find the master bedroom.” I start to walk back up the stairs to the house
“ Hold on why do you get the master bedroom” Preston says while walking after me.
“Because I'm gonna find it first” I say as I start to run to find the bedroom. He chases after me in pursuit of the bedroom. Me and Preston run around the house looking for the master bedroom. We look through room after room finding closets, the garage, a bathroom and a door leading to a balcony in the back of the house. I manage to run into the bedroom and yell out to Preston.``Found it!!”
He comes walking into the room breathing heavily from the running. We both check out the room. The walls are painted a cream yellow and the bed takes up most of the room's center. The bed has burgundy sheets poking out from its bottom and a quilt with multi-colored floral designs lay sprawled out on top of it. There's a wardrobe built into the wall and a black leather couch sits comfortably on the left wall.
“Dibs on the bed” I say as I jump on top of it. I stretch out on top of the quilt and search for a comfortable part to sleep in.
“Where am I supposed to sleep then?” Preston complains
“You can sleep on the couch it looks soft enough” I respond while pointing towards the couch “I saw some spare blankets in one of the closets”
“Alright i’ll be right back” he mumbles to himself “why do i always get the couch”
“ I'll be right here if you need me,” i call after him. I sit up on the bed and start to look around the room more. I notice the entrance to the wardrobe is cracked open slightly. I hop out of the bed and grab a flashlight from my bag as I walk into the wardrobe. I turn on my flashlight and stare in awe at how many clothes are in there. The room is only half as big as the bedroom but it's still bigger than any closet I've ever had. The wardrobe is full of shirts, dresses, pants, and shoes for men and women. I immediately start to look through the shoes to see if any fit my size. I throw a pair of black high heels behind me as Preston finds me in the wardrobe. He looks around before asking me.
“What are you doing?”
“Finding a new pair of clothes to wear cause I've been wearing the same pair of jeans for waaaaay too long”
“Fair enough. Is there any guy stuff in there?”
“Yeah right there” I hook my thumb behind me to point to the other end of the closet.
“I'm sure they won't mind if we take a couple of things…they're probably dead by now anyways,” Preston says with a slight grin on his face. The way he said made me spin my head to look at him but he was already on the opposite end of the wardrobe looking at suits.
I shake away the thought and continue looking for any pair of sneakers in my size. 40 minutes pass before I walk out of the wardrobe holding a new pair of jeans and a black guns-N-roses t-shirt. I toss the clothes on top of the bed and check to see if the shower in the bathroom still works. I turn the dial and wait for a moment. The shower head chokes a little before water comes pouring out. I reach my hand under the showerhead to feel the water. The water is cold, it causes my hand to shiver when I take it out. I shake the water off and say to myself.
“Good enough” as I start to take off my old clothes and get in the shower. The cold water bounces off my skin, it sends shivers down my spine but I still get the old dirt from the last few months off of me. I step out and see a couple of dry towels hanging off of the door. I grab one and dry my body off and grab another to wrap around my head and dry my hair. I step out of the bathroom and Preston is still inside the wardrobe. I put on my new clothes while his back is turned and walk over towards him when I'm finished.
“Still haven't found anything,” I ask him
He turns around “Nothing yet, the only thing interesting was this coat.” He holds a leather coat up to me. The coat is made of black leather and has a skull covered with blue flames on the back. There's a black shirt inside the coat with a skeleton hand making a thumbs-up embroidered on the front.
“ That's pretty cool, it's better than what you're wearing right now at least” he's outfitted in a blue hoodie with holes on the chest and tears at the sleeves. He also has a shirt with a faded picture of a blue flower printed on it.
“I guess you're right” he gets up from the floor and exits the wardrobe. He lays the clothes on the couch along next to the blanket and pillow he brought into the room.
“The shower works so you can get yourself clean In there,” I say to him
“You know, a shower sounds really good right now.” He gets up from the floor and grabs a pair of pajama pants that were laying next to him. He leaves the wardrobe and enters the bathroom, closing the door behind him. After a moment the water turns on and I hop on the bed to get ready to sleep. I squirm myself into the quilt and rest my head against one of the pillows. I shut my eyes and fall asleep listening to the passive sound of the shower like rain on a car.
I'm in a void. It feels like I'm standing in a puddle of water that reaches to my knees. I wade my way forward looking around for anything in the darkness. In the distance I can see 3 figures l. I moved closer to them and their silhouettes get clearer. I realize they are my dad and brothers. I start to run towards them kicking up water behind me until something grabs my leg. It pulls down violently forcing me under the water without a breath of air. I kick at the thing grabbing me until something grabs my other leg. I look down and see two glanter's each with a monstrous smile on their faces. They stare back at me and one of them tugs my leg harder than before and tears it off of my body. The water around me turns red as the glanter laugh's. The other smiles wider as it starts to fling me around the water forcing any air left in my lungs to be forced out as I scream in pain. The glanter throws me away and I can see my family slowly fade into the distance as I'm flown away.
I struggle to swim back to where I was, one of my legs is missing and the other is broken. The glanter's find me again and I try to get to the surface to escape them. I'm flapping my arms in any attempt to escape as one of the glanter's flies in front of me and grabs my arm. I look at the monster with tears in my eyes as it bites my arm and tears my body away from it. It flings my body away and with my remaining arm I clutch the wound as the water floods into my body leaving me in the void I started in. I look around and the glanter's seem to have left. I turn behind me and see my family again, this time I'm closer than before.
I grit my teeth and drag my body towards them slowly as I leave a trail of blood and tears behind me. I finally reach my family and grab one of my father's shoes. I stare up and he looks at me. His stare causes me to feel cold as a grotesque smile grows on his face. I stare in shock as my brothers each have the same look as my father.
I shoot up from my sleep panting heavily in a cold sweat.
“It was just a dream..just a dream…just a dream” I look at my hands as tears fall into them. I look around the room and see Preston sleeping peacefully on the couch. The room feels frozen in place as a chill runs down my spine. I get out of the bed and walk out of the bedroom. I make my way through the dark hallway and find the entrance to the balcony I saw earlier. I creak open the screen door and head outside. The Balcony is pretty large, about the size of the kitchen in the house. There are some chairs knocked over next to a table and I pick one up to sit on it. I look out into the expanse of the neighborhood, houses lined up next to each other, dozens broken apart by roads, and dead bodies scattered across the roads.
I look up in the sky and sit back in the chair. The sky looks empty except for the moon giving this world its only source of light. Without the moon, we’d be left in darkness. It hangs in the sky alone, no stars, no clouds, nothing but itself, and the void of the sky. I think back about the dream I had. My dad and my brother's all dead and possessed and then they kill me. I start to tear up thinking about it. I try to wipe away the tears but it’s no use. I'm too scared for my family. I don't know where they are if they're alive if they're worried about me I don't know anything! I start to quietly cry into my hands. I don't know how long I'm sitting there until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn my head to face it and I see Preston. He was smiling and looking at me. I turn away to wipe my tears and he walks next to me.
“I heard you sneaking out of the bedroom so I followed you to see where you were going.” he says “but that's not my question.” he pauses and looks at me “my question is what’s got you feeling so down?” he leans over the railing of the balcony
“It's nothing, I just came out here to clear my head.” I say as more tears escape from my eyes in big slow drops that ride down the sides of my face.
“if you don't feel like telling me you don't have to but i'll be here if you ever change your mind”. He looks up at the moon before turning to face me and his smile widens “I'll always be here with you…trust me I'm not going anywhere”
I stare up at him and wipe away my tears as a smile grows on my face to match his. I get up and stare over the balcony with him. “So where are we heading next?” I say to him, Preston pulls the map we got from the man cave downstairs out from his pocket.
“After I got out of the shower I decided to take a look at the map for anything interesting we could see.”
“Ok did you find anything?” i ask
“I did,” he points at a spot on the right of the map. “We should head to the museum”
“I didn't want to go to a museum before the apocalypse why would i want to go now?'' I ask him.
“Well the best part of museums is the cool stuff right”
“Yeah what about it”
“The only problem is that you could only look at the fossils and armor but you could never take them.”
“So you want to rob a museum?” Prestons eyes light up at the question
“Exactly they might have a really cool sword I could use, or I could sharpen a dinosaur tooth and use that as a weapon, there might be a cursed shield that can summon the dead to fight for you. This opportunity is too good to pass up. We need to go!”
“That does seem pretty cool but wouldn't carrying that stuff weigh us down. What if a glanter is chasing us and we can't run fast enough because of the stuff we took from the museum.”
“We’ll only take things that are light. Even then I could just block the glanter with my newly acquired 2000 year old shield.”
“Fair enough we can go in a couple hours” I yawn and stretch out my arms. “Cause I'm feeling way too tired to walk all the way over there right now.”
“Alright i'm heading back to my couch and THEN we’ll head out to the museum” he leaves the balcony and heads back to the master bedroom leaving me alone on the balcony.
“Thanks Preston I'm not leaving either” I say into the sky. I turn around and walk back inside the house, closing the balcony door behind me. I walk back into the bedroom and Preston is hunched over and holding a flashlight looking at the map. He’s drawing lines through roads and marking X’s in different areas.
“What are the X’s for?” i ask him
“They’re places that glanter’s usually stay around. I'm marking them off so we remember not to go through them, or at least be more cautious.”
“Cool. Did you find where we are right now?” He points to an area where the lines all converge out of.
“Right around here is where the neighborhood ends. So if we follow this path we can make it to the museum in one piece” I pat him on the back and take the map from his hands.
“Get some sleep Preston, we have a full day tomorrow” he grins to himself before laying down on the couch. I put the map back into my bag and hop on the bed to get to sleep. I cover my body in the quilt and roll over facing away from Preston as he falls asleep. I nestle myself into the bed and slowly fall asleep to get ready for the next day.
I'm awoken by Preston shaking the bed I'm sleeping on. My eyes open and the room is foggy, I wipe away the sleep from my eyes and focus my attention towards Preston. He's practically jumping out of his skin with excitement, he's already fully dressed for the trip and shaking the bed with a wide smile on his face.
“Ok ok i'm up the air feels heavy as a groggy feeling fills my body. I wipe my eyes and the room starts to clear up. I turn to face Preston. He's still shaking my bed to wake me up, he’s already fully dressed and nearly jumping out of his skin in excitement.
“Ok ok, i'm up you can stop shaking the bed” i say
“Then get up we’ve got a long walk ahead of us” he says as he stops shaking the mattress. He grabs the map from my bag and points to one of the red lines.
“We're gonna follow this way to the museum. We’ll move past the hotel around the ice skating rink and around the park. We’ll mainly stick to walking through the streets, we might have to go rooftop hopping to avoid any glanter’s if we see them but i'm sure we won’t reach that point.” he explains
“Wait, wait, wait, why are avoiding the skating rink and the park” i ask
“ everytime we go near the park there's weird noises and light coming out of it”
“And why can't we go to the ice skating rink?”
“I didn't think it would be important”
“It couldn't hurt to check it out at least”
“Fine we could make a detour”
“Ok and how do you plan on getting on top of roofs?”
“I'm sure we'll figure it out when we get to it”
“Ok man as long as you’re sure '' I yawn and step out of the bed. Preston starts to put the map in his bag. I walk into the bathroom with my clothes and change out of my pajamas. Minutes later I walk out and see Preston sitting on the couch twiddling his thumbs.
“Finally you're out” he smiles at me before handing me my bag and slinging it over his shoulder. We took a last look inside the kitchen to see if we missed anything. Afterwards we leave for the outside. The cold air bites at my face but Preston walks down the stairs, his face buried in the map. I jog to catch up to him as we both head into the street.
“Hey Preston, could I see the map?”
“Sure” he hands over the map and continues walking. I look at the map and the numerous lines drawn on roads. I look at the corner of the map and notice a small map key with numerous symbols for different areas like a library, school, hospital, and more. There's even a way to tell how far away each location is. The text reads “1 inch=5 miles” I quickly count how far we are from the museum.
“Dude this museum is like 100 miles away.”
“Yep it'll be a long walk, it'll take us a while to get there”
“Did you plan on us walking there the whole time?”
“We might find bikes or something.” he pauses “well i did think we would walk the whole way”
“This is gonna take us weeks to get there!”
“Did you have anything else planned?”
“Well…i guess not but we should still try to find some bikes or something”
“Ok if we see any way to travel faster we’ll take it”
“Alright cool” I hand him the map back and he folds it back up and puts it in his bag. We walk further until we leave the gated neighborhood we started in. Preston takes the map back out and looks at it before he turns right and continues walking. I follow him staring forward at the expanse of the road. The outside of the neighborhood is surrounded by roads all leading to different parts of Newkinawa. We walk past a sign that reads “Coretown 20 miles ahead” I nudge Preston towards the sign and he checks the map again.
“Yep, the museum’s in Coretown. Would you believe the residents were pretty proud of it. Should be a fun place to explore” he says
“Yeah but it’ll take us a million years to get there.” i complain
“Lighten up, I'm sure it will be worth it”. We continue walking down the road slowly making our way to Coretown.

We really do. This world is awful and unfair no wonder people are “mentally ill” and is riddled with problems to solve. I honestly think being ignorant to those issues is a crime and is a severe mistake if everybody was woke, passionate, driven to fix problems and issues we would suffer less by far, I don’t know how a lot of people live like that in fantasy land la la land maybe they don’t like the feeling of carrying the weight of the worlds problems on their shoulders or carrying other people’s emotions and feelings as a burden but I see that as selfish, if you have a heart empathy and emotions you see these people in a super negative way and they give a bad vibe and look ugly inside. They could look like a super model 10/10 look and be super wealthy powerful and influential but they usually use all of those gifts and powers and talent to do bad and ignorant selfish self centered things. Small minds. It’s like most people aren’t responsible or care about justice or the truth at all. Everybody is awful these days minus a small minority of people. You just feel like shit emotionally because of this world. It’s a reactive feeling to me it’s perpetual, I’d have to drink myself to death or drug myself to death to ignore these naggy constant bitter feelings (I know why people get addicted to drugs in my soul) and a lot of places you go and a lot of people you meet you distrust their bad and selfish intentions and the fact they never wanna do the right thing only the convenient simple thing. People just aren’t logical rational creatures, and if a problem requires that they won’t be able to solve it. We really gotta do better and evolve or else things will stay the same or just get worse. It’s like that movie groundhogs day it’s the same stuff over and over. 100 years or more is just not enough time to fix all of the issues and problems in this world and a lot of people live less than that because of health issues or accidents or because they were forcibly taken out of this world murder assassination. This is all a self inflicted wound, but it shouldn’t be this way ideally. Like a lot of our problems in a nutshell is that we shoot ourselves in the foot constantly, it’s like we are a perpetual victim to ourselves, we are our own worst enemy. It’s the enemy within. If we were our best friend best lover and loyal ally for life 24/7 ride or die we would suffer less but that is not the case for a lot of people and I can’t wrap my head around that it’s illogical chaotic and makes no logical rational sense. This makes me believe evil spirits evil energies evil forces destructive forces are real or the existence of demonic entities controlling us in a super natural realm or other dimension. To summarize we really do deserve better. We deserve a paradise a heaven or utopia of our own. Maybe the after life or after death is more peaceful. Less problems. The people in charge of society have failed us, have given up on us, and have thrown us to the wolves. It’s really a free for all out there it’s every man woman and child out there all by themselves. We have bad terrible leadership, they are lost, and the example they set is horrible. We have a lack of direction in society. This world is inverse. Good is bad and bad is good. People worship and revel in evil. It’s their satanic cult.

First Previous Wiki
Penny gazed at the quartet of Elders. They were all wearing the merchandise she remembered from the last Judgment, which was exceedingly awkward. Mainly because they were wearing shirts with her face on them. But it was also oddly endearing, in a way. Until now, she hadn't seen too many Elders that were on her side.
Elders that weren't just Kashaunta or the familiar faces she already knew, like Spentha or Rho and Sai, actually showing appreciation of her, felt odd. Even if these ones went a little too far in it.
"You're even more beautiful in person, Liberator," one said.
"Uh, thanks. I appreciate that. I'm glad that you all like me. Rho and Sai told me that you all are interested in something I can give you?"
"Yeah. Maybe a short interview? We won't be like that airhead reporter. We'll ask the good questions."
"Yep, we will."
"Right then," Penny said. "Well, I'm glad to meet you."
"Thank you. Now that we're here, we'd like to know how you plan on taking care of the gang leaders."
"Well, presumably by imprisoning them. I don't think they deserve to die, even if others do. I'll leave that decision up to Justicar and his various judges in the criminal system."
Penny didn't like having to lie blatantly. She wanted to kill the slavers quite brutally, but doing that was a bad idea right now. Saying it also was a bad idea, for a similar reason. And Justicar's system was worryingly preferential to Elders, from what she'd looked up after the meeting with Pundacrawla.
"Aren't you worried that the Judges won't give proper justice?"
"I trust Justicar to do everything that is necessary."
Another lie. Justicar would do whatever he could to maintain his image. Hopefully, that wouldn't be at the cost of the Alliance's very existence.
"Got it. By the way, what's it like being human? Walking on only two legs. It seems kind of unstable. Do you fall a lot?"
A genuine curiosity from them was another breath of fresh air. It was the kind of question a quadruped would definitely ask, which put her more at ease about the nature of what they were trying to do. Even more than their evident support of her, with all the merch they were wearing. Penny felt a smile crack at the corners of her lips, unbidden.
"Not really. We can use our arms to steady ourselves pretty well. Obviously it's not as easy to balance on our two legs as it is with your four, but it's still good enough. In fact, the sprinters in the Olympics use all four limbs, since running as fast as possible also requires pumping our arms. As for what it's like to be human, it's hard to describe. For many of us, it will feel colder or warmer than Sprilnav would feel in the same temperatures, due to thinner skin. Our eyesight is more frontal than yours, given our lack of snouts, so our blindspots are a lot bigger. Our feet require shoes for rough ground, and we heal slower than you by around 20%. We can't really clack our jaws to the scale that you can, though we can make them meet."
Penny bared her teeth, showing as she opened and closed her mouth. It was nice to be able to talk about things like this.
"The Olympics?" one of them asked.
"It's a competition about athletics," Penny said. "Running, jumping, throwing, diving, swimming, skiing, snowboarding, and a lot of sports. There's specific divisions, too. Like how there's a 100 meter dash, 200 meter dash, 400 meter dash, and even an 800 meter dash for those with high levels of psychic energy. Though really, psychic energy and genetic editing have been messing with the events for a while now. And there's a Winter, Summer, and Space Olympics, each with different sorts of events. They move from city to city, though the Space Olympics are pretty much always on either Luna, Ceres, or Mercury. There's a lot more information out there on various events, but it's an old cultural practice revered by the entire species. Even more so since Phoebe's increased the prize pools for everyone."
"How does your species handle space in general? I know that you guys did things way differently before First Contact."
"We did. Mining companies kept tight control on all asteroid mining, while nations controlled planets like Earth and Mars and large planetary bodies like Luna. Supposedly, a few people planned for a cloud city on Venus, but we couldn't risk having such a vulnerable population because they'd have to rely on giant balloons to survive. That would probably be the least secure way to live, given the existence of rogue organizations and all that.
As for spaceships, most of them since we really colonized Luna come equipped with spacesuit bays, zero gravity water and food packs, oxygen tanks, emergency seats, specialized anti-micrometeorite hulls, and radiation shielding. A lot of the older military ships also were equipped with big radiators until World War Three, when it all became masses of drone warfare, with the big ships kept mainly for cargo and lanes where mass drone control was impossible.
Once the Vinarii came and we got shields, we started building big again. After all, it provided a huge number of jobs, and in the post-war economies, especially with VIs in place, a lot of people needed work. But we still go and do asteroid and moon mining, star lifting, and energy gathering. We built an orbital ring around Mercury, the closest planet to Sol, to help with all of that. It doubles as a production hub, too. Now, it's all in more systems and with a lot more friends."
"Speaking of aliens, what theory does your people have on why so many creatures resemble one another? Our jaws are adapted for hard shelled creatures, and we're told that many planets have oddly similar variations of those."
"Crabs."
She guessed what they were getting at.
It is odd, isn't it? Nilnacrawla observed.
Perhaps that is another one of the Source's whims, Penny thought.
Maybe.
A few of the Elders made exclamations of shock.
"You even have a word for them that directly translates!"
Penny chuckled. "Yeah, carcinization is a bit of a meme in the science community. But I've heard the most mainstream theories since the First Contact are that the Source itself is uncreative. It has a certain template of creatures which it largely doesn't alter, though it can take in inputs from beings close to it, perhaps even influencing them."
"Influencing them?"
"Yes. Modern depictions of wendigoes, folkloric creatures from North America, a continent on Earth, are shockingly similar to the Knowers in appearance. The internet depictions of them in particular like to emphasize canine qualities, and often show them with skulls visible directly, and with dark brown or black fur. Recent depictions, as in the past 300 years, differ from their original appearances quite significantly, with the canine characteristics in particular being enhanced.
We have sorted through all known images of these creatures and found roughly 80% similarity with the Knowers and tens of thousands of images that are literally exactly the same as Knowers. The ones we searched all came before World War Three, far before even the First Contact with the Vinarii, much less the Knowers who were entirely underground at the time due to the radiation of their home star. We believe that the Source managed to influence this facet of human culture with the actual existence of a real creature.
Other examples exist, like how the Trikkec look very similar to Komodo Dragons, Vinarii look very similar to insects known as a mantis, and the Acuarfar look exactly like insects known as wasps with the single exception of their furry snouts and green instead of yellow markings. The Sprilnav species itself shares high amounts of similarity with a fictional species known as Elites in early 2000s culture, particularly with your jaws, though you all have red skin instead of grey or brown.
The Junyli, Dreedeen, and the wanderers are the main species without high amounts of appearance in our cultures at some point. This correlates with the idea of the Source being the influencer, as their predecessors all were used to fight it. Many species of the galaxy look like parts of our culture or Earth's creatures. The proximity of these examples makes this far more suspicious than if they were across the galaxy.
But since they existed first, the only answer must be that the Source brought the influence to us first and planted the ideas in our heads. As for the ones which look like Earth creatures, all of them are old enough evolutionary branches that copying from them to Earth makes more sense. Though the references centering around the early 2000s is quite odd, it is also roughly when the internet came into wide existence, so it is also possible the Source gave the ideas a push so they would propagate, for an unknown reason. Like if it seeded the ideas that propagated across the early global network Humanity used."
"Hmm. Fascinating. We've seen evidence of the 'seeding' process among some historical nations near the galactic region of Earth before. So the Source re-uses and alters depictions of life and also life itself?"
"Maybe," Penny said. "Unless the Source is more directly tied to life than we think. There's a conceptual Death, but no conceptual Life. Isn't that odd?"
"Conceptual Life died in the Source war."
How did that really work, though? Penny asked Nilnacrawla.
Imagine a conceptual being. A few of the Progenitors, as well as Narvravarana, went up to try to harvest its power. It refused, and Narvravarana used its unique abilities to try and force the deal.
Why was your civilization like this?
Excess and greed, partly. But we couldn't really do much more expansion. Vertical expansion also had its limits if we wanted to remain relevant for the remaining lifespan of the universe. So Narvravarana, along with a few of the greatest rulers and leaders of Sprilnav society, started looking to other dimensional planes. They figured it was best not to let the problem get too much worse. Or at least, that is what they say. I believe it was to harvest more resources to use against our surrounding enemies.
You didn't have any allies? Penny asked.
At that time, all the powers of the universe were enemies. All the allies eventually merged through millions of years of normalization. We happened to get on the universal stage the earliest, so other civilizations we encountered had little choice but to surrender their independence. Some fought, others didn't, but the outcome was the same.
That seems terrible.
It was, though the other universal civilizations were no better. Some of them just exterminated all alien life they found that couldn't fight back. In that sense, the pre-war Sprilnav civilization was one of the greatest, and that's why I fought for them. Obviously, I'm biased in that regard, though.
Thanks for telling me, father.
No problem, Penny.
She refocused back on the conversation at hand.
"But a thing cannot be alive if it dies. The concept of life doesn't work that way. So maybe the Source just... took in the concept of life? Or absorbed it into whatever psychic energy really is, considering that it's responsible for all of our existence?"
"That's so crazy it might actually be true," one of the Elders said. "You're incredible, Penny."
"Uh, thanks. You're all pretty great too." Her eyes drifted to the images of herself on their clothing. She couldn't really help it.
"I have a question for you."
"Yes?"
"Do you know what I'm fighting for?"
"I assume since you're asking it here, you don't just want a one word answer," an Elder said. "I would say yes, and for the liberation of the Sprilnav from the stain of slavery. Though going deeper into your history, you have also fought for other species, either in wars or just generally moving around. It does look aimless, mostly, since the galaxy's so big. But I'm sure you've got a way through that."
"In some way. Part of why I'm here isn't just about my people. It was at first, I admit that. But as I have lived here, on Justicar, for days and weeks, I've seen you less as alien. It makes it easier for sympathy and easier to break out of simple mindsets. So far, there are many problems, but there are distinct pieces. The first is that many people want to uphold slavery. I'm not sure why, but they do. It isn't profitable, and it isn't moral. Robots are cheaper in every way, and don't need food or water.
That means it's illogical or emotional. So I could try and solve the problem with violence alone, but it won't be addressing the cause, only the symptoms. I need to get to the heart of the matter. And I think it has to do with Elders' memories and the gradual woes they have accumulated going through life. I don't want to tear that away or drug them into believing they're fine. I want to find a way to outlet that productively. The second part I have identified is scale. The galaxy is enormous, and your species is incredibly numerous. I could fight planet by planet for the rest of my life, and liberation would still be difficult.
That also means I'd need a better way of doing things. Maybe an economic or political incentive. Emotional reasons will not work permanently, nor will logic, since we are in this situation. I have found several ways to address this. Sadly, since the gangs are likely monitoring this feed, I can't just outright say my strategy. All I can ask you all to do is to believe. Believe that I have a solution, and that I and those who stand with me are working on it. Believe in me because I believe in you."
None of the Elders questioned or ridiculed her words. Most of it was because they were fans of her. But one of them, an Elder named Rahautiti, had a distinct glint in his eye. Their gazes met only momentarily, but Penny could tell he knew.
And so she appeared in the mindscape, even as they concluded the interview, which would be the first of many. It was a ploy to just talk about human culture and ideals a bit more, to get it out there. Because the hivemind's theory was correct.
In the universe, ideas had power. That power could be weaponized against those who previously stood to gain. The first part of it was the image: Nova as an unbeatable bastion. Lecalicus as the Beast, a monster capable of star-crushing rage. Twilight as... whatever she did. Penny wasn't really familiar with the Progenitor's image too much, and the various names, like the Silent Night or the Smiling Darkness, were just so unbelievably edgy she cringed every time she recalled them.
But Rahautiti understood so she moved her mindscape avatar to see him.
"Hello again, Penny. I am no threat."
"I know. I'm glad that your group is led by someone as capable as you, as well as the other groups you dabble within."
"Who discovered it?"
"Phoebe. You met with Ezeonwha, and the android wanted to ensure you weren't a way for Yasihaut to kill him."
"Yeah. We did get approached about that, actually. We're supposed to kill Ezeonwha when you walk into the Judgment hall. Of course, we won't do this, and she won't be able to retaliate against us easily while there."
"Thank you for your honesty, Elder," Penny said. "It seems I'm in your debt."
"Nonsense. 2,839. That is the number of children I have had. 2,626. That is the number of children of mine which were enslaved. The remaining 213 died in unrelated incidents, with nearly half of those involving slavers killing them. I remember all of their names, and all of their faces, Penny. I want all the slavers in this universe dead."
"I cannot achieve that."
"You cannot," Rahautiti agreed. "Not with my help or even that of Kashaunta and Lecalicus. And certainly not right now. I have not lived this long to be incapable of compromise or patchwork solutions. You show great promise. I understand your aversion to killing and the circumstantial reason why you are not doing so now. I will not grow upset if you do not resume killing when the Judgment ends. Nor do I harbor a grudge against you for the speeding space entity you left outside the room to avoid uncomfortable publicity. You are incredibly young.
A sliver of a life. But you are strong, and you are mature. That sliver of your lifespan already outshines all I could do with a trillion more years, Penny. You are right in that this isn't something you can punch your way through. Trauma is part of why slavery still exists, despite it being a wholly unjust reason for the Elders to make such a sport of it. I am sure you know the story of the war, with a great hero in your head and Kashaunta at your side. My line of work is what I started to help you. Every thought about you being the Liberator, every eye that glances on you freeing slaves, helps you to gather conceptual energy. My talent happens to be great enough to sense the Pact of Blades you have, as well. If you want, I can teach you how to hide the mark on your soul and your mind."
"I would like that, yes," Penny said. "And thank you for being so reasonable. I will ask Kashaunta to protect you from what consequences come for refusing the offer on Ezeonwha."
"There are going to be attacks on him, you know. Him and your ship."
Penny felt an odd feeling in her soul. Cardi's power flared around him, and she squinted at the sky. She just barely saw a sliver of a tentacle. Most would have mistaken it for a normal speeding space entity. But here? On Justicar, with Exile obviously not being the cause?
Only one being would cause that. Fate.
Given the subject of their conversation, it was obvious what was going on.
Penny tapped Rahautiti's jaw, adding a thin mark of conceptual power so she could easily find him again. She focused on the conceptual mark she'd left on Ezeonwha. A twinge of conceptual energy came from it. It was accompanied by various impressions, like fear, pain, and acceptance.
"I have to go," Penny said. "I will be back later. Displace."
She appeared next to the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office but not next to Ezeonwha. It was carnage everywhere she looked.
"Champion!" an unknown Elder yelled. "I am Elder Na-"
Her rising fury surged, and it took all she had not to dismember him. The distant thought of the Judgment stayed her hands, though only just.
Penny's fist collided with the Elder's jaw at twice the speed of sound. A piece of his jaws flew free. Bone fragments hit the ground behind him. Hundreds of soldiers fired on her, and she slammed them to the ground with pure will. Penny tore their guns away and sent them each to pummel the Elder in front of her with as much brutality as she could. His powerful armor wasn't as capable of defense against physical attacks as it was against her psychic energy, and so he fell.
"You... cannot save him," the Elder spat. Fields of psychic suppression fell upon her, reducing her power.
"Manipulation through Determination," Penny growled. "De-"
No! Nilnacrawla said. Do not kill him! Not yet!
"What goes up will go down."
Air hardened around the Elder and accelerated rapidly.
The Elder smashed into the shield five miles above with a speed just slow enough that he wouldn't die. He fell from it and then hit it again at a more modest speed. He'd bounce on that until the Guides came to get him.
But Penny had another target. One she had to save instead of attack.
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High Judge Tassidonia awoke to the sound of explosions. He grabbed his swords, his main gun, and the personal shield he reserved for only the most dire occasions. The sky was erupting in war all around him, and buildings were already falling nearby. The spires of skyscrapers rained down upon the entrances to the Underground, crushing thousands of fleeing Sprilnav under their wide impacts.
His implant identified members of the gangs nearby, making their way to his home.
"Retribution Cycle!" Tassidonia cried. A hidden door opened, and he boarded a small hovercraft that sported a high amount of defensive and offensive technology, a gift from Justicar for dealing with all that he had related to the Judgment. Only this time, he wouldn't be on the next one. But already, the destruction was spreading.
Micro-missiles rained upon friend and foe alike. Several detonated against the layered shields. The mounted turrets on the side of his hoverbike shot lasers into the enemies his implant identified.
"Elder Tassidonia!" an Elder cried nearby. "For the crime of defying the will of-"
Tassidonia called his fury to bear. He rammed his mind into the enemy Elder, disorienting her. She reeled, about to attack, when a thick laser smashed into her chest. It pushed her against the wall, and Tassidonia kept the pressure up until her body melted. He listened to her screams impassively, occasionally sending blasts from his gun at the gangs when their members started to stray too close.
The thick red beam did its work within twenty pulses. His swords began to float beside him, keeping pace as he sped away from his home. The entire apartment complex shuddered and began to lean, its foundation being destroyed by some effect below. Tassidonia abandoned it with only minor regret. He'd known this moment would come. Everything he needed was already with him.
He linked into the Guide network, directing squadrons to attack the breaches he'd identified. Orbital strikes fell upon them in quick succession. Thick beams of light pierced through the lower planetary shields from orbital platforms, their guns honing in on Justicar's enemies. Tassidonia's implant was linked to the grid as well. So when he eyed buildings occupied with too many gang members, orbital strikes fell on them a few pulses later.
Fire and plasma rained all around him. Explosions and smoke blossomed all around him. More missiles fell from his hovercraft. A fighter ship appeared beside him, its simple stealth revealing itself to his eyes. Tassidonia waited for the pilot chamber to open, and his craft stowed itself behind him when he got in. It was fully equipped, so soon, Tassidonia was in full control of a weapon of war.
His first order of business was detecting the gangs' most fortified areas. He peppered those bases in shield-weakening mines, followed by bunker-buster missiles. Several anti-air turrets hit him, but his shields prevented them from taking him down. He dropped three high-end Butcher Androids into the fray of the largest battles.
One of the adjacent fighter wings in the separate shield sector dropped a nuke. At that moment, Tassidonia made a decision.
Whatever insanity was going on right now wasn't worth staying here on his own. He turned his ship upward, narrowly avoiding nearly fifty missiles shot from another gang fortress, which was really just the lower floors of a supermarket. Thick slabs of concrete were being set up by androids and slaves from the Underground. All he could do was watch from above and attempt to mark those that might be a problem.
Justicar's Grand Fleet was moving in, though only the carriers and their escorts were doing anything of any scale. The armies were mobilizing, and it seemed that war had finally broken out. Justicar, while isolated due to the Judgment, would have to win a war that threatened to topple his rule entirely.
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Ezeonwha woke when the walls around him shuddered.
An earthquake?
Groggily, he activated the lights in the room. Phoebe's android was charging in the wall. Her limbs swayed with the motion. The walls shuddered again, and the lights went out. Thin, tiny cracks spread in the walls, increasing his worry factors massively. His implant notified him that this wasn't a dream. Distant screams reached his ears, and he went to the window.
Hordes of Sprilnav were running on the ground, tripping over each other to escape. He heard the thump of footsteps approaching from outside. The android activated, standing up.
"Move away from the doo-"
An explosion tossed him across the room. A Sprilnav carrying some sort of mouth weapon faded into view for a moment, smoke recalibrating the stealth field. And then he was gone. Phoebe smashed into the Sprilnav, her fists pummeling the assassin faster than Ezeonwha could comprehend.
Phoebe's arms turned into swords, and she stabbed the Sprilnav at least fifty times in a single pulse. She turned to grab him, but before she reached him, a second explosion sent him flying out of the now-shattered window.
The massive skyscraper loomed large, and he saw the ground beneath it ripple. Dull thumps sounded from below, and large, circular caverns opened beneath the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office. The whole building started to list forward, and Ezeonwha frantically activated his emergency personal shield as he started falling faster and faster. A bullet hit the shield. And then a second one. Gunshots echoed out in the distance, and he saw other Sprilnav falling from broken windows in the falling skyscraper. Gunfire erupted on the streets as Guides engaged a growing army of attackers bubbling up from basements of shops and businesses.
He saw spurts of blood exit the Sprilnav nearest him, bullets tearing holes through the woman's body. Piercing screams surrounded him, a terrible chorus that reminded him of the worst wars he'd fought in. But here, his training could do nothing. She was already dead, and he knew that he was the target of this whole attack. His eyes watered, and Ezeonwha felt so powerless. So useless.
A Corrector emerged from the side of the tilting skyscraper, eyes fixed on Ezeonwha. Then he looked down. Somehow, Ezeonwha knew when the orders had been sent. He knew that it was Astipra in the distance, a jetpack on his shoulders burning a thick flame beneath him.
Astipra looked back at the building and flew toward it. Ezeonwha felt the wind rushing past the shield as pressure. Astipra, far above, vaporized falling chunks of the skyscraper with blasts from his arm cannons. He pressed back against the skyscraper, the jetpack going into overdrive. The metal bent inward, and the groaning and twisting structure continued its fall. Blasts of light from Astipra again vaporized the set of falling chunks.
"Penny," he said. It was almost a prayer, really. His desperate mind was scrambling for whatever it could get. "Please, save me!"
He didn't know if she could hear him. Logically, it was impossible. And in a battle such as this, unlikely as well. Rippling explosions erupted across the facade of the falling skyscraper as rockets struck it. More explosions bloomed as lasers from distant police vehicles, Guides, and Astipra destroyed more of the fast-flying missiles and rockets. They pounded on the world around him, a horde of madness threatening to break his brain. He could feel the wind and gravity equalize as he reached terminal velocity.
And all he could see was the world descending into war around him. The 102nd Visitor Welcome Office continued to slump and lean against Astipra's best efforts. More bullets hit Ezeonwha's personal shield, and peppered the Guides moving over to save him. Air ambulances were shot from the sky. Even small fighter crafts were shot down by powerful ground lasers. EMPs thumped, disabling all the higher functions of his implant before he could think to use it.
A much larger explosion bloomed out, and Ezeonwha followed the rocket's trail to an Elder on the ground, standing in the wreckage surrounding a sudden tunnel opening. The Elder stared at him in glee, and he lined up another shot. Two Guides fell upon the Elder, who flew up using a jetpack to cut them in half with his sword. A hard light hologram lifted a large gun, pointing at Ezeonwha as he fell.
His eyes widened. Ezeonwha did everything he could. He angled his legs and arms. He pushed at the air. He even hefted the meager psychic energy he had, struggling with all his soul to escape the death he could feel was coming to him.
Guides swarmed beyond the shield appearing, while gang soldiers died by the hundreds to carpet bombing. Personal shields sprang up to block the explosions, and the Elder had survived. A thick red laser cut one of the fighters in half from the smoke. Above him, the collapsing facade of the skyscraper consumed Astipra entirely, though large gouts of plasma and thick explosions emerged from within. He could survive if it fell upon him, but Ezonwha could not.
Penny materialized far below, closer to the field of battle. A sweeping wave of gang members began disappearing. A bullet smashed into her head and her stomach, detonating in bright explosions. A personal shield flared and disappeared. Missiles and lasers slammed into Penny by the thousands as psychic energy gathered. A constant roll of words fell from her tongue, but without his implant, they were not translated.
Missiles crumbled into dust. Lasers impacted raw space in front of Penny before bending down and back to their origins, destroying automated turrets. Bullets still hit Penny and the Guides by the thousands, firing too quickly and densely for her to entirely block. But the large ordnance from the gangs continued to work against them.
Penny looked around, confusion evident on her face. But amidst the thousands of wounded and dead Sprilnav falling from the broken windows, Ezeonwha was hidden too well.
Shattering glass could be constantly heard, and he could feel the distant screams in his soul. A bullet smashed into his personal shield again, disabling it. A pulse later, he lost feeling in his legs.
He tried to reach out to her mind, but the war in the mindscape was equally intense. Too many Elders and Guides battling it out along with various suppression artifacts made it all impossible. He could sense Penny's influence, but couldn't directly reach her.
He let out a breath, knowing it to be the final one.
I'm sorry, Penny, Ezeonwha thought.
I wish you luck in the Judgment, and I am sorry I caused this to happen to you.
Penny finally appeared in front of him, eyes wide-
Blood erupted. A searing pain in his head told him his implant had just shorted out. And in the mindscape, he saw a mental attack heading for him, its brutal power evident. He closed his eyes.

REVIEW- Alaska Airlines Boston to Portland in First class (5/24/2024)

By Scott H. Johnson

Last Friday, May 24th, I flew First Class from Boston to Portland nonstop on Alaska airlines. On the Portland to Boston flight 4 days before, despite being MVP Gold, I didn’t even get a Premium seat. I had gotten my hopes up, because I sat at #1 on the First-Class upgrade list the whole day before, until about 6 pm when I plummeted to #12. Oh, well. I didn’t get my hopes up the day before I came home, as I was #3.
I was surprised that evening when I checked and I had been upgraded to my favorite seat -2A. Sometimes the upgrade gods smile when you least expect it.
Check in at Logan the next morning was a breeze. Despite the Armageddon-style warnings that Friday, May 24 would be the most awful travel day in recorded history, when I got off the bus from the rental car center, there were no crazed throngs, just folks walking to check-in like any other day.
The CLEAR line had a few folks peering into their retinal readers, so I used plain old TSA PreCheck. There were maybe 8 fliers in front of me. I quickly went through without any issues and it was time for a quick coffee. I am a member of Alaska’s Lounge Plus, and I often use the Admiral’s Club access it gives me, but I didn’t have time to wander (I thought!) down to their Club at B4 as it was almost 6:00 am and my flight was out of B36 at 6:20 am. I found a good place to stand and waited to board. 6:20 came and went, then a few moments came the dreaded “checking something on the aircraft” announcement. Great.
Priority group finally boarded at 6:50. I slid into my comfortable, familiar seat. This 737-800 still had the classic cloth pattern on the bulkhead; the top row always reminds me of a 1980s computer lab with seats, tables and giant monitors for your 286!


.



On each seat was a lightweight blanket sealed in plastic. No box of water on this flight, though.


I


in 52 years of flying, I have never once been cold on a plane, so off to the side it went. Our flight attendant came by offering water in a cup, but nothing else before takeoff.
We lifted off at 7:17. We headed east over the harbor and the Atlantic, then made a wide left turn, came back over land, and headed northwest. As I enjoyed the clear weather and the rolling scenery, our FA came by and checked on my breakfast order and offered the first drink service. I enjoyed the new Stumptown Roasters blend, a local Portland roaster who recently replaced Starbucks as the coffee on Alaska. It’s good, but I have had Starbucks for 20 years on Alaska, so it will take some getting used to.
I enjoyed looking out the window and seeing ski resorts in Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire, and upstate New York. I logged onto Alaska’s Wi-Fi to see our route. We were to leave New York and fly over Lake Ontario, north of Toronto, then over Kingston, Ontario, across Ontario, Lake Huron and then re-enter US airspace in Michigan’s UP.
That’s why I always carry my passport, just in case…..No need today, happily.
Breakfast arrived and I enjoyed my frittata at 34,000 feet over Canada.

The entrée was warm, as were the sausage and potatoes. The fruit (orange segments, grapes, and cantaloupe) was cold. The blueberry muffin was warm and crumbly. I needed a fork for it. It was delicious, and the cold yogurt went well with the fruit. Another coffee and it was nap time.
I slept thru the next snack/beverage service, but I remember smelling decadent popcorn when my seatmate in 2C opened the “Lesser Evil” popcorn. When I woke up, our flight attendant (and I kick myself for not noticing/remembering his name, but I was exhausted on this trip) asked if I wanted a snack and/or a beverage. I asked about the popcorn he said he had one left. That and an ice water hit the spot. I noticed our flight attendant made many trips to folks behind me refilling drinks.
I listened to songs my ancient iPod, surfed Alaska’s excellent collection movies and TV shows and catnapped. Soon enough, the view outside was the Idaho mountains. I watched as we glided over Washington’s Tri Cities, then Hermiston, Oregon and began our descent over the Columbia River. Then the Captain announced that PDX was down to one runway, so they were slowing us down. Instead of flying due west, skirting the north slope of Mt. Hood as usual
and making a straight on approach to 28L, we took a left turn and leisurely flew over Clackamas County, eventually flying over Gresham from the south, then a left turn for our approach.
We were only 15 minutes late at the gate, so I had time to freshen up in the Alaska Lounge, have a coffee and some ham and cheese on a roll before the baggage arrived. The lounge in Portland is small but comfortable, with expanded seating out into the C terminal. My bag was in the first third or so, and it was time to drive home.

I am scheduled to make the same flight in June. I hope it is just as pleasurable. While not Emirates-level, Alaska First Class is relaxing and an enjoyable way to endure a coast-to-coast flight. Their service is top notch and always friendly and accommodating. I hope the upgrade gods smile again in June.

Scott H. Johnson travels several times a month and has over a million airmiles. His first flight was on a Piedmont Airlines 737 in 1971 from DCA to Richmond VA, and he’s been hooked ever since.

I am officially out. Two nights I made the decision to finally walk out, and I am definitely officially out of that household. All the years, all the abuse, all the venom and narcissism and manipulation, gone in one night. I am starting to feel so light, so free. And it all started with one little argument to finally push me over the edge. So for context, I'm 22. I'm an international student from Mexico, and I'm living right now in the United States, studying a I tried running away from the house a little over a year ago, back when I still lived in Mexico. It didn't work. I didn't have a support network, it wasn't a generally good environment, and my parents had way too many connections to make it safe for me to go outside and enjoy life without being stalked. I ended up going back to their home, giving them a second chance under the guise of them "having changed" and us going to therapy.(All of this of course after they broke into my home to get me to "talk") Obviously, things went back to what they always are. Now the whole fallout starts about two weeks ago. My parents went on a trip back to Mexico. I stayed home alone, and the entire week I kept thinking to myself, I was so free. I felt more at peace than I had been in months without them at home. While they were gone, I went on a trip with my cousin to my aunt's house. I had a talk with that whole side of the family (My aunt, my uncle, my cousins) and I finally opened up to them about years of abuse. Years of pain and complaints that I kept in me. And I had to be honest with myself and tell them "I'm not happy there anymore". I received hugs, they cried with me, and they told me that they've known she had a problem for years, they just didn't know the extent and depth. Pretty much my entire extended family has beef with my mom because she's put in so much effort in burning every bridge in her life with the way she treats people. I was finally seen and understood and validated by family, they told me "This is not okay". They told me "We are here for you"
Fast forward to two nights ago. My family and I have, by this point, moved to a new place to rent, and my dad buys some Ikea furniture for our rooms. It's night time and I'm in my room assembling a bedframe and a night stand. I am so tired and done with the whole process, and my Narcissist mother comes in. I placed my bed away from either wall of my room so that there's space for me to jump into bed from either side. I guess she didn't appreciate that (even though it's MY room and it doesn't affect her), and the following conversation ensued: "You're gonna need 2 night stands for that bed placement to work" "Huh? What do you mean?" "One space is gonna be empty if you put your bed there (??)" "Oh but I'm not placing the night stand there" "What do you mean you're not?" "Yeah, I'm gonna place it over here. Not next to the bed" "Well that's not where it goes, it's supposed to go next to your bed" "Yeah, but I don't like it next to my bed, I like it here" By this point she starts raising her voice "Yeah! And I'm telling you that's not what night stands are made for." "Well I don't like it there! It's my room" "Lower your tone!" "I'm not even yelling at you" "Yes you are!!!" My dad comes in the room. As usual, he immediately takes her side without asking questions "Hey!! Calm down!! Lower your tone [my name]!!" "I'm not even yelling" "Yes you are, you don't realize the way you talk to us" My mom suddenly brings up something from earlier in the day. I introduced her to a college classmate I ran into, and I guess she made up some narrative in her mind: "And you know what!! The way your friend said hi to me earlier today, I know you've been talking about me. He didn't even want to hug me!!! I know you've been talking badly about me behind my back, like you always do!!!" (This literally never happened. I'm not even that close to this classmate. He knows next to nothing about my personal life) "What are you even talking about?? No I didn't!" "Yes you did!!" "No I did not" "I know for a fact you did!! You've done it before, liar" "Ugh you know what? You're imagining stuff. You're making stuff up that isn't there. I'm telling you I didn't." She walks out of the room rolling eyes at me like I'm some idiot she has to deal with, and my dad stays in the room with me. He goes on this very vague and inflammatory lecture about 'the boy who cried wolf' and how my actions have repercussions on my reputation. About how 8 years ago I complained about them to some friend and now they can't trust me anymore. I tell him that I'm not doing that and that, I'm not sure what hoops they expect me to jump through to "prove" I'm trustworthy again. My mom suddenly walks in the room again, and she says "If you've changed so much, why don't you let us go through your computer, huh?? since you're so different now and you've changed so much!! Go on [dad's name], take his computer and go through it, let's see what we find" This of course with the intent of checking all my emails, messages, content, anything. As I've posted here before, my parents absolutely hate my significant other, and I know that if they go on my computer and see my messages with her, it's going to catapult me into a whole new realm of abuse and isolation. Plus, I'm 22. Why should my parents have access to MY computer and my private matters?? This whole time I am thinking, "I can't do this anymore. I can't stand this. I can't live like this, I can't anymore. When will I put a stop to this??" My dad stands up from where he was sitting next to me, and he goes "Well come on then, [my name]. Are you gonna show us?" My mom, like a comedically evil witch is barking orders with a sinister smile and a vengeful tone on her "Take his computer now!" "You WILL give us the password [my name]" This entire time, I am silent. I am silent for what seems like an eternity. In reality it must have been a minute or two. Finally, they snap after watching me silently "Give us the password now!!" And finally my survival instincts kick in. All those years, all that time. And I have had it. I can't do it anymore. I stood up, I shrugged, I adjusted my pants, and with my firm voice I went "No." The shock on their faces was like the shock you saw at the Oscars when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock "EXCUSE YOU!! GIVE IT TO US NOW!! REBELLIOUS CHILD!! GIVE IT UP NOW!!" "No. I won't." And immediately as if on cue "Get out of this house. Get out right now" "Okay!" I started grabbing a bunch of sweaters and items, and my mom immediately goes "You're not taking anything out of this house!!" "Okay!" And I head downstairs to get out. Immediately they run after me to block the door "You're not leaving" "Yes I am, you just kicked me out" "Oh you ARE kicked out!!! After we talk!" "Nope, I'm leaving now" There's a small tussle and fight. They try to grab me, I'm stronger than them, I make it out of the house while my mother is saying something about calling the police or whatever. I'm outside the house with my dad and he won't let go, it's just me and him now while that woman is inside doing who knows what. My dad is holding on to my arm "[my name], please let's talk please please" "Let go of me" "Please, I don't want to" "If you don't let go of me right now, I'm gonna start screaming and pounding on the neighbor's door, and it's gonna escalate" He lets go, and finally, I lay it all on him. Years and years of misery, of frustration, which probably warrants a whole other post and which I recorded in my voice memos just in case" I even told him that I know my mom has a mental illness, something I've never expressed to him before. He told me "Please don't tell me what it is", and I respected that. We were outside in the cold talking for about an hour and a half. Until finally my mother opened the door again, this time trying to act innocent and shy and harmless. "You guys are still out here? Come back inside, it's cold. Please, talk the rest inside". My dad tells her: "He doesn't want to come back inside. He says he won't" "Ugh, well then honey, let him grab his things and leave! He doesn't want to, fine!" and I go "Thank you" I head back inside and start packing everything. My mom tries to make small talk, and I'm very civil and answer back normally. Until she goes "You can't take the laptop with you though" "Um yes I can." and back again with her condescending tone "Umm no you can't" "Yes I can, it's mine." "No it's not, we bought it for you" "Yeah, but you gave it to me as a gift. You can't just take gifts back. It's mine" "No!!! That's ours!! And you are LEAVING IT!!" "No!" She reaches for the computer, at the same time I reach for a shirt next to the computer, she sees my arm approaching and she starts screeching like an animal "DONT YOU TOUCH ME!!! DON'T DARE LAY A SINGLE FINGER ON ME!! IF YOU TOUCH A SINGLE HAIR I'LL HAVE YOU IN JAIL FOR A YEAR" (yeah ok) I just had to smile at how dramatic she is. "No one's touching you. Calm down" "YOU'RE A MANIPULATOR. YOU LIAR!! YOU'RE A REBELLIOUS UNGRATEFUL CHILD IS WHAT YOU ARE. YOU THINK YOU'RE LEAVING THIS HOUSE WITH THIS COMPUTER? YOU'LL HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME. YOU THINK YOU'RE TAKING THIS COMPUTER? HUH?" And then she joyfully slammed my laptop against the table. It broke open and pieces flew out. It got completely bent out of shape and obviously rendered useless. She had that narcissistic smile, thinking full of joy, that this would be my last straw, waiting to see how much pain she had inflicted on me by smashing something I worked with. But instead, I laughed in her face. I laughed, and it ignited the fire even more. What followed was a barrage of insults and manipulation tactics "YOU DESERVED ALL THOSE TIMES I BEAT YOU!! TRAITOR. LEECH. JUDAS" (even though she denied she ever even beat me. also, if I'm Judas does that make her god herself in her mind?) I finally finish packing my stuff after going "Ok. Mhm. Wow. Ok. Sure. Uh huh" for 10 minutes. Finally she's done unloading her venom after I mock her face and voice, and she tells me "When you leave, close your door on the way out" "Uh huh, okay" My dad is disappointed. I'm not sure he even knows what I'm feeling or thinking "I see you've made your decision. I wish you'd think about it." "I've been thinking about it for years" "It hurts me that you're doing this" "It hurts me too dad. Sorry this happened" I called my cousin that I mentioned at the start "Hey, sorry to do this so late. Could you come pick me up?" "Yeah, are you okay? What's going on?" "Something happened. I need a place to stay" "Okay, on my way" While I was outside waiting for him to pick me up, my mother tried one last tactic. "Goodbye son" with a warm motherly voice she could only fake. "Goodbye." "You know I love you right? and I forgive you for everything you did" "Hm." "Can I get a hug before you leave?" I wanted to be petty, but for my own conscience I felt that if they crash and died tomorrow, I'd regret not having some sort of goodbye hug. However fake and spiteful it was. So I hugged her very briefly and with a bit of disgust. "I'm glad you called your cousin. Just tell him the truth, say you decided to walk out of here. Not that we kicked you out" Those were the last words we spoke. That we will probably ever speak to each other. That was her concern, what I'd say about her to others.
Once my cousin picked me up, I loaded everything I had in his car, and off we went to his house. I told him everything, and he was glad I had finally put a stop to it. He understood, and now we are here. This is the most free I've ever felt. I'm going to continue my studies without feeling judged at home. I have a proper home now, where I am treated fairly, wanted. There's been so many phone calls, with my aunt, my mother. These days my mother hasn't bothered contacting me. I think she knows she's lost all power on me. My dad on the other hand has sent texts concerned about my well being. I've answered them briefly and he's been respectful enough to not try to do more. My mother from what I last heard called my cousin (He's 33 btw) threatening him with all sorts of insults. My cousin told her she's officially not welcome at the house, and if she shows up, cops will be called on her. My girlfriend is so happy to finally see me out of this horrible house, as am I. I don't know what to even do with all this freedom. I'll take it easy and slow for a bit. No drinking, no crazy stuff. I need to process a lot still, but I'm so glad this is finally over. For years she loved to tell me "Everything you do in secret will be shouted from the rooftops" To threaten and scare me into "confessing" things. Well, if you're reading this, you witch, I am now shouting what you did, and will continue to shout from the rooftops that I beat you. Witch, I know you hate that word. Sorry, not sorry. Thank you everyone. TL;DR: Huge argument with parents about night stand that escalated into me leaving the house for good. Am staying with cousin. Mother has been warned to not come close or cops will be called.

Hi! I teach chess to children in elementary schools and have been tasked to create a more advanced lesson for kids and teach it to my coach. The goal of this lesson is to focus more on how I teach but I still want to have a good lesson that I can use in my classes.
The children I will be teaching aren’t strong players. They basically know to get pieces out and castle (if even that). When I say advance, I mean they trade queens for queens and not for a bishop or rook. Or they will capture free pieces more often.
My goal was to create a lesson on strategy, like identifying where the pieces should go and attack, but that seems a bit too broad. Should it just be a more advanced lesson on forks or pins? Should I do something like the Greek gift? I would really appreciate any advice/ideas you could give!

It happened. He didn't deny that. Not like he was a suspect or anything—not yet—but he never denied it to himself. At the same time, this all happened over a decade ago—twelve years to be exact.
He didn't think of it every day; in fact, sometimes an entire month would go by where it barely crossed his mind.
In a way, that whole experience—he thought of all the abductions and murders as a singular event—now felt as if it belonged to somebody else.
It was a time in his life when he was confused, mixed-up, searching; a dark time, you know, like a phase. Who didn't have one of those in their past?
Plus, he was married now. His wife, Dee, obviously didn't know about it and he felt no obligation to tell her. Did he ask about her former lovers?
Sometimes there are things in the past and you just let them be. Whether it was Dee losing her virginity to the quarterback of the football team in the backseat at a drive-in or him using multiple black garbage bags and masking tape on that thing he didn't have time to bury in rural Tennessee, everyone has things they would rather forget about. Sometimes you just leave things where they lie.
So that's what Ned Doyle did.
Until that Sunday morning, November 6th, 1988.
He was a having a glass of Dee's pulpy homemade orange juice, waiting for his coffee to percolate, when he opened his heavy weekend edition of the New York Times (probably Ned's greatest extravagance—he liked its heft; and how the Arts & Leisure section made him feel culturally superior to his Ohio townsfolk, “the Philistines of Findlay,” he called them) when he saw the article buried in the back.
The country was two days from heading to the polls for the General Election—Bush v. Dukakis—so most everything else that week had been relegated to the back.
He read the article twice before he could even begin to make sense of it. It seemed to be a story about something called "DNA fingerprinting" and a 27-year-old baker in Great Britain named Colin Pitchfork who had confessed to raping and murdering two 15-year-old girls, in separate incidents a few years apart, after a new scientific process had been used to extract information from semen which he, Colin Pitchfork, had left at the crime scenes (likely inside the victims) some five years earlier.
Now if they could do all that after five years, why not ten years—or maybe even… twelve?
"Interesting story here," he said to Dee. It wasn't uncommon for Ned to read a news story twice—once for himself and a second time aloud to Dee while she brewed his coffee and burnt her toast. But this was his third reading and Ned acted as if it were his first.
"What do you make of that?" he asked. It somehow got worse each time he read it. After the third time, he felt as if he had been sucker punched in the stomach.
"Science Fiction is what it sounds like," Dee said matter-of-factly, pouring Ned his coffee in a mug that bore the Marathon Oil insignia. Findlay, Ohio was Marathon’s headquarters although there had been rumors circulating about a move to Texas.
"And unconstitutional," he said. "Cops running a dragnet like that, taking blood samples from 5,000 townspeople. Thankfully, that would never pass the muster here."
"They did catch the killer so maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea," she said, buttering her burnt toast. "Otherwise, who knows? They could have convicted the wrong man.”
Ned had already gotten lucky once – astonishingly so. Griffin Gerald Jones, the famed “I-75 Corridor Child Killer,” had claimed responsibility for all but one of Ned’s victims before dying in Florida’s electric chair.
"You can't have police in this country running around, sticking everyone with needles, drawing blood for some sort of science experiment,” he said. “Nevermind the Constitution, what about AIDS?”
“What about it?” she asked.
“There's been hundreds, thousands of cases now where people have been infected by giving blood,” he said. “That's a medical fact. Get accused of a crime and AIDS too?"
"It doesn't sound like any of the townspeople there in England got AIDS, darling. Unless there's more to the story, besides what you read to me."
He watched her spread orange marmalade over her burnt toast and take a bite. She had a dead tooth and he saw it every time she opened her mouth. He loved Dee but had never been sexually attracted to her. Not in the way he had been attracted to others.
"It really is just a matter of time before that stuff makes it over here," she said with her mouth full. "To this side of the pond, as they say." She took a sip of his orange juice. "Isn’t that how it always works? Things start over there in England, or in California, and then phht, before you know it, it makes its way to Findlay."
He held his hand over his stomach. She saw him wince.
"Was it my orange juice again? Was it still pulpy? I squeezed it by hand and even strained it twice this time."
"It’s not your fault,” he said. “I think it’s me. Orange juice is getting too… acidic for me." He looked at the clock on the coffee maker. "I'm going to be late."
He turned the page.
He played the 8 o'clock Mass by rote as he had many a bleary-eyed Sunday morning. It was pure muscle memory at this point. He made a few mistakes here and there, missed a key or two, but it was nothing the organ's sustain pedal couldn't mask – not that anyone would complain (not at the 8 o'clock anyway).
On Sundays Ned had four Masses: the 8, the 9:30, the big one at 11, and the 12:30 for the dilettantes who couldn't get their acts together for the 11.
He turned the page.
Today he was using Glory and Praise, AKA "the blue hymnal" for songs he knew by heart.
Turning the pages of his sheet music, reading each note, he was able to keep his mind off it.
Ned abhorred cliches (especially those involving sports) but he made an exception for “Out of sight, out of mind.” For Ned, that wasn’t a cliché; it was a way of life. He was a man who preferred to be heard, not seen, which made St. Bartholomew (or St. Bart’s) the perfect home for him.
In a spectacular architectural oversight, the church's pipe organ was situated so the organist's back was to the altar and pews. The organist of course needs to see what's going on in the Mass to read certain non-verbal cues but the arrangement suited Ned just fine. The congregation was comprised of many young families who had many young children—boys in particular—and it wasn't so much that he couldn't control himself because he was now firmly in control of all that; it was more that he didn't need any reminders of that time when he couldn't.
Especially during church.
So to see the altar behind him, Ned had installed an actual rearview mirror, the type you'd find on an old Buick, and he used a special type of putty to affix it to the mantle of the pipe organ. Having been the church organist at St. Bart's for nine years, he seldom needed it anymore—he could do it in his sleep—but it came in handy today as he found his attention drifting and he nearly missed the oratory refrain at the 9:30 Mass.
His real problems didn't start until the 35-minute break between the 8 and 9:30.
He was reorganizing his sheet music after the first wave of churchgoers had cleared out, when he began thinking about Colin Pitchfork again. The article said he was a baker in England somewhere—did it say he baked cakes or was that Ned's invention?
Even though no picture was provided in the Times article, Ned spent the balance of the 9:30 service picturing the 27- year-old ex-rapist/murderer working in his small English bakery, quietly going about his business, baking his cakes, when the police (Bobbies?) came.
Was he expecting them?
He played the offertory hymn, "On Eagle's Wings," as the ushers began taking up the collections and a family of parishioners he’d never seen before brought the gifts up.
And what was going through Pitchfork's head when he saw the Bobbies there? When they began asking him about rapes and murders that happened almost five years ago? The article said that he had initially given investigators someone else's blood when “the enquiry” began. Had he somehow caught wind of this “DNA Fingerprinting?”
There was a new usher, Ned noticed, in his makeshift rearview mirror.
The Times article said that one of Pitchfork's co-workers at the bakery had taken the blood test masquerading as Pitchfork because Pitchfork had told the co-worker that ‘he could not give blood under his own name because he had already given blood while pretending to be a friend of his who had wanted to avoid being harassed by police because of a youthful conviction for burglary.’ This story was later overheard by a woman in a pub who immediately went to the police.
Ned realized he had missed the homily twice now. Not that it mattered. Heard one you've heard them all and Ned was pretty sure there would be no surprises. Plus, he'd have two more chances to catch it. He knew he would have to really focus for the 11 o'clock. That was always the main event. He was going to play "I Will Raise Him Up," a complex hymn, which required his full attention. He would scratch that one now if he hadn’t read that article and if the Sunday programs hadn't already been printed. People liked that one –it was a real barn burner, as they say—and if he skipped it, there might be questions.
The last thing Ned needed right now were fucking questions.
Who was this new usher, by the way?

By the start of the 11 o'clock Mass, Ned wondered whether anyone would even show for the 12:30, seeing that it was already standing room only. The 11 was always the most popular Mass, but today felt different; it was packed like Christmas Eve. What was the occasion? Was the predominantly conservative town that afraid of Dukakis winning the presidency? Ohio was a swing state after all and that image of the little Greek man in the tank was unnerving, sure, but was it enough to warrant this sort of turnout for the 11 AM Mass at St. Bart's in Findlay?
Or was something else going on?
Ned didn’t believe they had come to hear his rendition of "I Will Raise Him Up."
Or could there be another reason? Maybe they had all read the same Times article. Maybe there had long been simmering suspicion of Ned in the community and maybe the article finally prompted the townspeople to join together and take arms. With pitchforks.
On March 31, 1892, the only known lynching in the history of Hancock County occurred when a mob of 1,000 men, many "respectable citizens," broke into the county jail in Findlay. They lynched Mr. Lytle, a man who had killed his wife and two daughters with a hatchet the day before. The townsfolk hanged the man twice (first from the bridge, then a telegraph pole) and then, in a classic case of overkill, shot his body over a dozen times. The authorities had intended to transfer the prisoner out of town at 1 o'clock in secret, where a train was scheduled to transport him to Lima, but someone talked.
Ned had only confessed what he had done to one person – a priest eight years prior. The priest was set to retire as he was dying of pancreatic cancer and visiting from a nearby parish. For years Ned had heard this priest was “of the old school” – i.e., your word to God’s ear, and it went no further. He was as safe as they come. Still, even then, Ned used the screened side of the Confessional, lowered his voice a full octave, and spoke of what he had done obliquely and in generalities. They were mortal sins. His penance severe: to repent and refrain from repeating the act again. The priest was now long dead. There’s no way he could have tracked Ned down and told anyone. Was there?
The last one was named Derek. That was the only one left unsolved.
He would play "I Will Raise Him Up" during Communion. Because of the crowds, he knew the communion lines would be longer and would thus require him to stretch the already difficult song a few minutes longer. If he was going to supply the masses, he was going to need a bigger yield. In a way it was like baking a cake, wasn't it?
He met Derek at a Dairy Queen in Paducah, Kentucky. It was Labor Day 1976. It must have been 100 degrees out, but it felt even hotter with the humidity. It was a real scorcher.
Derek had a bicycle with an American flag banana seat. It was the summer of Bicentennial Fever. The Dairy Queen was in an area known as Noble Park. It had a tin canopy that kept cars cool in the shade.
Ned missed a note as he turned the page. He stepped on the sustain pedal and his mistake sounded deliberate and beautiful even.
It was early evening; fireflies were out in full force and Ned was blotto. He had been drinking beer—cans of Schlitz—all day at the picnic of a friend (technically, the friend of an acquaintance so basically a stranger). A born introvert who still lived alone (this was pre-Dee), Ned was very drunk and primed for small talk. You must also remember this was a very different time. This was back when you still opened cans with an opener; drunk driving was frowned upon but not the cardinal sin it is today; and a grown man could still park outside a Dairy Queen and strike up an innocent conversation with a prepubescent boy on a bike.
"What da ya' got there?" Ned asked.
"Butterscotch Sundae," the boy said. The boy was blonde with brown eyes.
"Butterscotch, eh?"
The boy licked his plastic spoon and stared somewhere beyond the pea-green 1974 Buick Riviera Ned had inherited from his old man after he had kicked the bucket.
"For the life of me, I can't remember if I like butterscotch or not," Ned said. "That probably sounds pretty screwy, I bet."
"Get a free sample at the window,” the kid said. “They're free."
"Looks awfully busy over there. Mind if I have a taste of yours? I don't have any cooties, I promise."
The kid dragged his spoon over his ice cream as he mulled it over. Maybe seeing that he was almost done with it anyway, he figured what's the harm. He handed Ned the Styrofoam cup.
Ned looked at the boy as he stirred it a little and then placed the curved side of the spoon on his tongue and kept it there.
"I do like butterscotch," Ned said, giving it back. "Thank you for sharing that with me, that was awfully kind of you—say, what is your name?"
"Derek," the boy said.
"Derek. What a nice boy you are. Do you like dogs, Derek?"
"Sure," Derek said.
"Do you have a dog?"
"Not anymore. Used to. We had a beagle named Eleanor but she went blind and then lame and then..."
"What kind of dog was she?" Ned asked.
"A beagle," the boy said.
"A beagle, yes you said that. You like Golden Retrievers?"
"Sure," the boy said.
"Cause I have a Golden Retriever. It's a girl too. A bitch."
Derek smiled.
"She's pregnant. I mean she was. But… she just gave birth."
"To puppies?"
"You betcha. It was just a few weeks ago. She had a whole litter of 'em. Boys, girls. Cutest little pups you've ever seen. The thing is, Derek, I don't know what to do with them all. You're a nice boy. You just shared your Butterscotch Sundae with me and I'd care to return the favor. Would you… like a puppy?"
"How much?"
"For nothing,” Ned said. “For free.”
"You'll give me a puppy for nothing? And I can pick the one I want?"
"Sure can. They're at my place just down the road. Thing is, it's probably too far to bike there. And you're going to need both hands to hold on to the puppy. Hop in, I’ll give you a lift."
"What about my bike?"
"We could put it in the trunk but we're not going to be long. We'll be right back. It'll be safe here. People don't take things that aren’t theirs around here – especially when there's a lot of people around."
He remembered waking up on the floor of his apartment disoriented. He was late for work. He was still working as a salesman at the piano store. There was a big Labor Day sale still going on. Labor Day was always a big day for retail. The owner was a nice man and Ned wanted to call him and apologize but he wasn't sure what to say yet.
He hadn't planned on sleeping in. Forgetting work on Labor Day. The irony.
He saw the boy's underwear on his floor. They were tighty-whities from Fruit of the Loom. He thought of that every time he saw an ad for that company afterward.
They weren’t bloody but they were torn.
He remembered the sound of the filter on the aquarium he used to keep in his apartment. It was noisy but sometimes that was a good thing. He was very into Japanese Fighting Fish for a while until it became too expensive as they always killed each other.
There were no puppies obviously.
His apartment did not allow dogs.
His sense of disorientation and the ensuing panic prevented him from experiencing any of the usual remorse he felt afterward.
There would be plenty of time for that later.
The boy's body was in the bathroom just off the bedroom and he needed to get rid of it. He needed to get out of town. Out of Paducah. Out of Kentucky.
He placed the boy in a hardshell Samsonite suitcase, carried it out of his apartment, walked down the one flight of steps. He saw no one and he was confident no one had seen him. The suitcase was lighter than it should have been—a detail he never forgot—and he walked out to the carport where he saw his Riviera parked sloppily between the lines. He felt a wave of nausea come over him but he suppressed it. He opened his trunk, placed the suitcase in the back, and then looked around the apartment complex before walking back inside. He cleaned up with bleach. Showered. Hit the road.
There were no police gathered outside the Dairy Queen. It wasn’t a crime scene. He didn't look to see if the boy’s bike was still there; he didn’t want to appear suspicious.
He needed to get out of Paducah so he headed toward the freeway.
For a moment he briefly considered the Shawnee National Forest, which was to the north, but he stuck to his gut and took the newly-constructed Interstate 24 East toward Tennessee. Aside from getting out of Kentucky, he didn't have a plan. The asphalt was brand new and at times he felt as though he were floating across the highway. It took about two hours to get to the state line and once he was over, he filled up at a 76 Station in Clarksville, Tennessee. Only when he was filling his tank and had a moment to reflect, did he think about what was in the trunk. He imagined he had Superman's X-Ray vision and pictured the suitcase in the back, the boy's tiny body folded like a pretzel inside.
He missed both the readings, the Gospel, and the homily again. Then came the Consecration which was over before he knew it. It was time. He began to play "I Will Raise Him Up." In his rearview, he saw the communion lines forming and he thought he caught a glimpse of the new usher staring at him, but he couldn't be sure. He needed to concentrate on the song. People knew this one; people wanted to hear it exactly as they remembered it, and it was a full house, so the sustain pedal wouldn't save him this time.
Once he made it through the chorus, he knew he could relax a little.
The "DNA fingerprinting" in Pitchfork's case came from semen that was left inside of the victims.
Ned had made it to the outskirts of Nashville faster than he expected. He still hadn't checked in with Mr. Cory, the owner of the piano store. He desperately needed an alibi. Old Mr. Cory could probably send Ned to the electric chair if he wasn't careful.
He got on Highway 386 and headed north. After 20 minutes, he exited in Gallatin and drove around until he found an area he thought was remote. There was a road called Cages Bend.
He liked the sound of that.
It sounded hopeful.
He took that until he came to a gravel road, which looked as if it led to an even more secluded wooded area.
In the rearview, he remembered the cloud of dust kicked up by the tires of the Riviera he had inherited from his father, the drunk, who had done to him what he had gone on to do to others.
In the rearview, the communion lines were still going strong. No sign of that new usher.
He came upon a bend in the road that looked totally secluded, as if no one had been there in years. He cut the engine and listened for a moment. The invisible cicadas high up in the trees made it sound as if a giant rattle snake was slithering around him, preparing to strike. He got out of the car.
He didn't know if it was the trees or the fields of tall grass, but something smelled like semen.
He opened the trunk with his keys and pulled out the hardshell suitcase. When he closed the trunk there was a rustling in the tall grass but when he looked, he saw only a herd of white tail deer scattering.
Initially he had planned on dumping the body and taking the suitcase home with him. He didn't think to bring a shovel. Then he heard the sound of a bush hog—a piece of farm equipment with spinning blades that cut vegetation and cleared the land. He couldn't tell which direction it was coming from. He checked to make sure his suitcase didn't have any labels on it or name tags. He then two black trash bags in his back seat and wrapped the suitcase – one bag around the top, the other on the bottom, and secured it with masking tape. Then he carried it into the woods and set it down in some brush. He began snapping tree branches off to make cover but as the bush hog got louder and closer he panicked, leaving it only partially covered.
The communion lines had dissipated. Everyone was sitting now, even the priest.
Everyone always knelt until the priest sat and Ned should never be playing if the priest was sitting but somehow, Ned had missed his cue.
He concluded "I Will Raise Him Up" softly, using the sustain to ease himself out.
He looked in the rearview and saw the priest staring at him.
As was the rest of the congregation.
They would all be coming for him soon enough.
Unless he could make it back down to Tennessee and get rid of that thing once and for all – assuming it hadn’t been found yet.
Somehow, deep down, Ned always knew it was going to happen.
He was raised up, alright.
Now it was just a matter of time.

(Long one. Sorry. TL;DR; I fucking love teaching and hate my salary for it.)
It's wild to me to say that. Over 20 years, starting 21, of teaching finished up today. That's just wild to me. Why?
Well, I'm Generation X. I grew up in an era where people had a multi-decade career or two and then retired. Having a thousand jobs like me was unheard of back then. My full resume is five pages.
I had my heart set on 20+ years in the Army before I got hurt and medically discharged. I loved that shit (Embrace the Suck!) and would have done it forever if they let me. Then I worked a series of part time and full time jobs. Security. Bar tending. Door to door sales. Yard supervisor for a roofing company. I hustled darts. Bouncer and doorman (and regular) at a strip club. Security again. Some day labor, which I didn't last long at. Worked as a cashier at an "Adult" toy and DVD/VHS store. (That was a wild job) At least ten other jobs I can't remember. During this entire time, I never made more than $20,000 a year.
Eventually, I made my way into college through a VA Vocational Rehabilitation program for disabled veterans. Although the VA provided a monthly stipend and my wife was working at Western Forge and I had a (VERY fucking small) VA disability check, I still had to work a few hours a week. So during my four years in college (a bit less actually) I worked a lot of jobs, some for weeks, others for a year or more. Some where half time, some where 3/4 time, but I was always full time in school. Together, we did a bit over $40,000.
Help desk. Lab monitor in college. More help desk. Internship in IT at an airline. More help desk. More IT. More consulting and contracting. Tier I support at an internet provider, who supported PC, Macintosh and LINUX (no one else could do that. Lol. Sorry, I was good and I like to brag a bit.) Eventually I graduated. I asked for a raise and promotion at the internet provider, and they denied it, so I gave my two weeks. I had put in over a year and was GOOD at it. I deserved it, so I would look elsewhere if they couldn't give it to me. I wanted to be a network engineer.
But I also had root access to everything, so I was escorted out 15 minutes later and paid two weeks severance. On to other jobs then.
In this order starting at $55,000: Technician on the NASDAQ stock market network upgrade for MCI/Worldcom (where I got fired after I 400 others got fired after they realized they could save more money paying out lawsuits, but not our shitstain boss who got promoted) to a cutting edge VoIP company that went out of business (just like Silicon Valley from HBO) to Ryder Logistics as a Project Manager making $100,000 a year.
Six figures. One of the last private companies in America to still offer a 20 year pension. Even as a contractor, AMAZING salary and benefits. All of my hard work had paid off. The Cisco certification I worked so hard for had paid off. My networking skills that got me the interview for this job paid off. I had MADE IT. I had so much money I didn't know what to do with it given our modest lifestyle. I was going to be with Ryder Logistics forever.
Then in 2000, the "tech market" took a MASSIVE dump. Hundreds of thousands of highly paid, highly certified and educated folks like myself were laid off. I was DAYS, just fucking days, away from being brought on permanently and taken of contractor status. Yay. I knew of a guy with a PhD who was stocking shelves at 7-11. So I'm out there competing with guys and gals with more education and experience, even though I had a great resume. And I couldn't find a damn thing even approaching half my former salary. Guys like me were a dime a dozen now, the vultures could afford to be picky.
I survived and provided for my wife and son by working a shit ton of various jobs. I would get up at 0200 and deliver newspapers and finish around 0600. Then I could home, shower, change and eat. Head into my first shift at work teaching at a college. Go home, nap, go back for night classes. Deliver pizza after work. Picked up consulting jobs on the weekends. Four jobs to support a wife and keep us from living in the woods - her grandmother took us in, but we were still "homeless" in that we had no place of our besides her basement. Eventually I saved enough to move us to Florida and buy a house, where I started teaching high school.
We lost it all. I managed to sell our house for a modest profit days before the bank took it and we were homeless. I had to sell my beloved (and rare) Harley 1992 Dyna FXDC. Eventually, I missed a mortgage payment, and things snowballed. The only thing we kept in the bankruptcy was our SUV, and only because I could barely make the payments on it.
I had to start over at $28,000 as a teacher. After over 20 years, I'm up over $55,000 now. My VA disability check is a lot bigger now. I'm grateful for where I am. But it is wild to me that I make so little after 20 years. I'm literally making the same (on paper) salary now as I did over 20 years ago, and I'm providing more value to society now than then.
Hell, it's wild to me that I did one thing for over 20 years. I know I've focused on money here, but yeah - twenty fucking years doing one thing.
ALL THAT TO SAY (sorry, I'm "lubricated" tonight) that I have never held a single job for more than two years other than my four years (a bit less actually) in the Army. Ever. And today I finished 20+ years. I'm going to be dean this summer for summer school. I'm interviewing for dean (WISH ME LUCK!) full time next year in a few days. I'm excited. I have a lot of great ideas about how to make our campus even more peaceful. I haven't interviewed for a job in a forever since I've been teaching (other than lateral transfers) so I'm a bit nervous. But I believe by boss is in my corner and I have a good shot. I hope so, because I WANT this.
I don't know what else to say. I love teaching. I love these kids, even the assholes. I want to do this for a while, even as I want to retire and take it easy with the old lady. But they keep sucking me back in. Lol. (Who gets that reference?) But I've said it before, without free, public education, our society will regress badly. One very proven way you make sure that a quality free, public education is provided is to pay teachers a good salary.
20 years. Holy shit. And even if I don't get dean, I'm teaching all 6th grade next year. That makes the year INCREDIBLY easy for me. The subject matter is easy, the kids are young and easy to engage and teach. And even though they are regular ed, I'll be teaching them the Advanced curriculum just like I have done for years with my 8th graders. They can do it, you just have to push them.
And I'll be all chill about it until another dean slot opens. The other guy is close to retirement so I'll have another shot soon.
I love you all. The editor started the process on my book this weekend he says, so hopefully I'll have revisions to make soon. Thanks for being here.

Just Venting May 28th 2024 I Don't think People Will Ever Understand my Situation.
Which I understand.
Just Kinda Get Tired Of People Making Assumptions when they are not in my position
How is that possible to know I'm feeling on the inside of my body
GOD knows what I Feel.
Just Human Doesn't know
I have to realize some people just are negative
Doesn't mean they are bad people
But just means I can't Fully be around them
Nothing personal against them
Just some people Make some people feel worse
Not trying to separate but sometimes you have to deal with them at a distance
Because some people bring triggers
If I see people constantly gossiping about other people I don't know
Then I know I shouldn't Probably be around them
Because Gossiping is a trigger for me
If you gossiping about others
It's only going to be so long before I'm the topic to gossip about
If you are not doing it behind my back already.
Just People Be Trolling me on the Internet and social media
For I don't know how long
I'll say about 10 years
Just People Try To Tear you down or Expose me as they say
But I don't really have anything to expose?
Trying to tear me down and make me cry again.
Like I can't control people judgments
Like I be thinking people are out of their way trying to prove something isn't wrong with me
Because I heard this from some ignorant family members and people
That doesn't know how I'm feeling
I won't be surprised if they hacked my Cellphone 📱
Which Technically is Illegal to Stalk or Record people Without their Permission
Trying to find Dirt on me or something to tear me down
Because it's just negative people that don't believe my genuine feelings I have daily
It happened to my sister malware was on her phone from her ex
So it kinda made me scary or paranoid
Ask my immediate family members my brother my mom my sister which she didn't understand at first
But trying to understand
Even my stepdad the one that passed away he didn't quite understand
Until that last year in 2015 he talked to me in person
And realized this is something I really was struggling with
We made peace in 2015
Said To Me In His Bedroom " Now I understand "
Because some people thought I was seeking attention or something
But Me Seeking attention Since I was 5 years old
That's a very long time if I was seeking attention
Most attention seekers would be tired by them almost 30 years
Most attention seekers especially if they are not getting attention
Will not Keep seeking attention because they are not getting it.
Most people stop by then
I don't have friends I don't have a following
Like Some people on social media
I am not getting ad revenue
I'm not a social media influencer trying to Garner attention
Just a regular dude venting my life
I talk like this on camera which is exhausting
And off camera to my mom and to myself in my room
Thinking because I do talk to myself since I don't have friends
I don't answer my self
But speak aloud my thoughts and feelings to release tension and stress
So this just me venting on my life.
This something I been feeling Since I was like 5 years old
I kinda knew when I was 17 it was going to be even rough adulthood than childhood
Which I tried to kill myself in 2010 when I was on Gresham road
Which that Was behind the scenes at home
Only my brother and mother seen it
Just I kinda tried numerous jobs
From McDonald's to Goodwill to factories working upwards to 16 hours some days
Trying to push through but my body couldn't handle that
Like I was feeling "Flight or Fight" responses like I was Running From Being Shot at night
By My Dad in 2011
Still have nightmares about that it just doesn't go away
And more scenarios in my childhood as well I'm not going to disclose.
People don't understand I jump when I hear gunshots
I try to not look crazy around people
So I try to look normal
But every time I hear a gunshot or something my heart starts pumping
And I start feeling exhausted and sad
Like I can't control if someone shoots a gun or pops a firecracker
But I try to put on my noise cancelling headphones
Even certain songs I have to mute if I hear a gunshot sound
If I can catch it
Even movies I'm not familiar with
I try to mute sounds if a gunshot scene comes
If I can catch it
This really a big issue
But people don't see that when I have to mute my TV
They also don't see
When I have bad days
They probably don't see if I have good days
I try to get laughs in
Because laughter is natural medicine
To distract from the negative thoughts I have everyday
They don't see due to my meds
That have me very sleepy which I take at night.. but carries on to the next morning
Sometimes I wake up at 12 pm sometimes late as 5 pm
Seroquel just does that
Even I tried waking up early I end up going back to sleep
I literally have to take a pre workout supplement
Which has caffeine which makes my anxiety worse
Just to fight it the medicine
Like I workout it's the best medicine
Better than any Prescription drug I don't do recreational drugs
But it naturally gets rid of my anxiety while working out at home
Didn't work In a commercial gym.
Which this gym equipment saved my life
It really helps me
If I lose that I probably will kill myself
And I was at risk of Type 2 diabetes
And my blood work was off due to I couldn't work out since I didn't leave my house
And of Course mentally I got really depressed since I didn't have no coping mechanism
I be depressed Alot but working out helps me cope with the thoughts I have
And temporarily gets rid of my anxiety
But only last 1 hour post workout
And anxiety comes back
Some people think I'm on steroids
Which I think I'm small
But I can't keep a stable job
Plus steroids cost money
If I can barely afford food and amino acids
Which comes from protein and food
How can I afford steroids?
I never took a steroid
I don't even take creatine anymore
Because my kidneys
And I have health issues which my natural testosterone is ok
So I have no reason to take steroids and I'm not competing in bodybuilding shows
I'm not a YouTuber or social media influencer making $1000s or even 100,000$
Making money on the Internet so I don't have a reason to
Plus due to the medicine I take it effects my Kidneys
Like I hope my kidneys are ok
Because I love to workout and it really helps me
I probably would kill myself if I can't workout and build muscle anymore
I don't use steroids
Just men's vitamins and fish oil and beta alanine and protein and amino acids from protein
I eat 200 grams daily since I'm 235 right now
Just hope my kidneys get back normal
Because I take a lot of medicine
Might have to stop one of my medications
Because I take Prep Which is A HIV medicine
Because I'm so paranoid of Contracting HIV
But I Don't even have sex like that since I don't leave my house
But I just take prep because I be scared I'm going to get HIV for a Hypothetical reason
Which I know HIV medicines I don't have HIV
I understand if I had it
But I don't Have HIV I take Prep Which is a HIV Medicine to prevent Catching it
Which HIV meds is hard on the kidneys
But Weird Thing is I don't even have sex
I haven't had sex with a woman since 2022
I haven't been in a relationship since 2019
Which was my only relationship with a woman
Just I Do Have a Desire for sex like every other human being
But Masturbating is such a lonely experience
And sometimes gets depressing
And I jack off so much
That when I had real sex with a woman I couldn't orgasm
I never orgasm from Vaginal sex or oral or even anal
Which I don't like anal sex.
Just I only orgasm from my hands
And the few I can't count on 1 Hand those women would be upset
Because they thought I wasn't interested in them
Technically I am still a virgin because I never orgasm from sex
It makes me last long like hours
I think they called it "Delayed Ejaculation" opposite of "Premature Ejaculation"
But I never could Ejaculate no matter how tight or wet the woman was.
Only Orgasm with my Hand And Pornography
Which is frustrating because I didn't lose my virginity until I was 25 years old
Which due to my Agoraphobia and anxiety
And difficult time keeping a job and not having money
I didn't have many Women partners
And sometimes my agoraphobia and anxiety
Gives me erectile dysfunction issues
But people don't see that
They don't see how my disabilities effect my whole life
They don't see I don't go to clubs or malls or recreational events
If course I can't keep a job
Because most jobs want you to work atleast 4 hours
And I barely can do 1 hour
Before my body starts false flagging
Lightheaded and migraines I deal with
And dizziness and nausea and irritation in my bowels
And lightheadedness
Blurry vision
But people say I'm just making excuses
People just say I'm lazy
People say I'm sponging or using people
People say I'm a fraud
That stuff hurts
Because Jesus knows what I feel
I pray to Jesus to get me through the day
I pray to GOD as well
To help me cope in my head
But people don't understand what they don't see or feel
So I don't like people taking what I say with a grain of salt.
But people don't understand
It hurts but people don't understand
Just my life even talking on the phone
And I have to leave today to pick up a product from the store
And I'm going to walk
I'm going to be so exhausted and check my mail
And I can't drive due to my anxiety and Agoraphobia
I was shaking behind the wheel which the blurry vision
Lightheaded ness
People don't understand because most people can drive a car
I see it on the highways all the time
They don't understand how this effects my day to day life
Even my kidneys which I pray to GOD it doesn't fails on me.
I don't drink or do drugs or abuse anything
Just hope that's ok
But Anxiety sometimes raise my blood pressure
I take a beta blocker to try to manage it
Just wish people could understand
I'm not a fraud
This is my life
I been feeling this way since 5 years old I can remember
Just as I get older it effects my life
You naturally get depressed
Which I try to cope with
Loneliness makes you depressed
Not having sex makes you depressed
Not having a partner
Or feeling like a burden makes you depressed
I just try to get laughs or find a coping mechanism
Not Able to keep a job
Since most jobs want me to work 4 hours atleast
And I only can do 1 hour which is not substantial unless they pay me 200$ for that 1 hour daily
Which is unrealistic probably would say I'm unreasonable
But that's what I need to survive
Can't die over the phone
And freelance jobs no ADA protections
Since I work for myself
And the Accomodations are not reasonable
Because you have to do what is most profitable to a company or business
1 hour 200$ is not profitable
I can't work more than 1 hour
I would be able to finish the task
And if I do for one day I wouldn't be able to be consistent
Probably crash and have a panic attack
But people don't understand

Update: Bloons TD 6 v43.0 - Update Notes!
Available now for most platforms please restart your storefront or be patient if it does not appear for you, these updates can take some time to be rolled out to every region due to how the storefronts are set up.
Update Video: https://youtu.be/97SrSDiSNfk

Key New Features

• New Event, Boss Rush!
  • We are so psyched to release this event! We have heard the many requests for more Team activities, and after testing some functionality in Quests, we are so happy to release a very different way to play as a Team. Thank you for your feedback and patience, and we truly hope you enjoy!
  • Band together with allies to defend against the powerful Boss Rush threatening your Team. With multiple Boss threats looming on the horizon, you and your Team must work together to defend nearby islands from a variety of invaders!
  • To assist in pushing back the threat players are outfitted with Relic Knowledge to leverage and a number of Revive Shields that will recover you from 0 lives! But be careful, Revives are limited and each time one is triggered the Boss will rush closer to the exit.
  • These Bosses cannot be destroyed alone, so when defending any island your goal is to deal as much damage as you possibly can before they make it past. When your Team reaches enough combined total damage the island is successfully defended and you can progress to the next island, with a new Boss to defend against!
  • Between islands some monkey types must stay behind to defend, but additional Relic Knowledge will be acquired to assist in the next challenge.
  • Defend 5 islands, each with a fast paced Boss challenge against different Bosses out of the initial 3 available: Bloonarius, Dreadbloon & Phayze. (Vortex & Lych to be coming at a later date!).
  • Immediately after defending an island, all Team members can claim the island rewards!
  • For launch we are releasing with a pure Team focus without competitive leaderboards. This allows us to review balance and get feedback from players before making changes in future updates. Boss Rush has evolved to be much bigger than the minigame-like concept it was initially planned to be and we look forward to seeing all of your Teams defend their islands together!
  • The Event Timer shows when the next Boss Rush will start - less than a day after launch.
• New Code Redemption System
  • This new system will allow us to create gift packs that can be redeemed by anyone with the code for free in-game rewards, so keep an eye out for any codes we may share (or hide…) in future!
  • Due to privacy requirements, certain platforms won’t be able to enter the codes directly in the game. Instead, you will need to visit a Ninja Kiwi website where you can log in to your LiNK account and redeem the code.

New Awesome

• New Hero Rosalia! (responds to Lia for short!)
  • Jetpack Monkey joins the team! Try out Rosalia right away in her new trial quest! Rosalia is built to be a strong ‘set and forget’ hero who also happens to work well with a techbot. The ability to swap weapon to handle her own weaknesses exists for people who wish to play her as their sole DPS, but the power of both her weapons is balanced to scale up together at a fair rate so there's no reason not to pick a preferred weapon forever, and build the rest of your towers to cover any weakness left.
  • Rosalia freely jumps around her large workshop area, attacking faster the more Bloons are nearby while swapping between a powerful single target laser & bouncing cluster grenades to deal with different threats!
  • Enhanced special attacks for the 10th shot fired on either weapon, showering Bloons in a fog of explosions, or Shocking and pushing them back with powerful Plasma blasts
  • Reduce all upgrade costs for Monkey Ace & Heli Pilot, plus one other friend!
  • Lv3 Scatter Missile ability, to clean up Bloons with a barrage of powerful stuns
  • Lv7 Hover ANYWHERE and gain the Flight Boost ability to temporarily pursue Bloons everywhere around the track and temporarily boost the flight speed of Aces & Helis
  • Lv10 Kinetic Charge ability, which sticks MOAB-class Bloons with a charge that explodes after a short duration and amplifies this explosion based on the amount of damage that hits the target before the charge explodes. Focus fire!
  • You could try this code: ROSALIAROCKS
• New Beginner Map Tinkerton
  • Explore Rosalia’s workshop and help defend it against Bloon incursion! Who knew orange juice had so many uses?
• New Quests
  • Tinkerer’s Tutorial: discover Rosalia’s strengths and weaknesses
  • A Strange Bloonomaly: Dr. Monkey wants your help investigating some unusual Bloons
• New Trophy Store Items
  • Heroes: Obyn Wolf Dance placement animation for Standard Obyn
  • Monkeys: Boomer ‘Roo pet for the Boomerang Monkey
  • Bloons: BAD Scarab skin
  • Game & UI: Boomer and ‘Roo profile banner, Distinguished Gentlemonkey avatar
• Limited Time Trophy Store Item
  • Druid of the Rainbow avatar
• New CT Team Store items
  • Icons: Battle Monkey Icon
  • Frames: Boss Rush Clouds Frame

Game Changes / Additions

• Map Editor Beach items
  • It may be getting colder in New Zealand, but we know it’s getting back to beach weather for most of you!
  • Beach water path x1
  • Areas x2
  • Stamps x3
  • Props x22
• Map Editor ‘full path’ settings to modify how entire paths work
  • Set paths to be alternating, sequential, or a specific pattern
• Map Editor ‘path node’ settings to modify small sections within a path
  • Invulnerable MOABs: MOABs will not be targetable until the next node
  • Invulnerable Bloons: Bloons will not be targetable until the next node
  • All Bloon Speed: Speed modified by a set multiplier until the next node
  • Scale Bloon: Bloons will increase in visual size until the next node
  • Scale MOAB: MOABs will increase in visual size until the next node
• FPS is no longer capped by default, instead a 60 FPS limit can be enabled from the screen resolution menu

Bug Fixes & General Changes

• Endurance Roundset used in the Phayze One quest has been extended from 100 to 205 rounds, and now has naturally spawning Camo Bloons added
• David Vs Goliath achievement now works in Boss Challenge
• Resolved a crash that could occur when logging out
• Resolved a crash that could occur when exiting out of the received accolades menu too quickly after entering
• Resolved a case in which ‘login required’ could incorrectly display on arcade builds
• Unlocking a new hero should always select that new hero
• Resolved some UI overlap issues within Map Editor
• Resolved some minor visual issues with quests forcing hero level ups
• Map Editor vfx should no longer sometimes become locked to the player’s selection and block interaction / clicking on other items
• Resolved an issue that could sometimes fail to load the ‘My Teams’ button
• Resolved an issue where tower outlines would incorrectly misalign from the tower
• Improved resolution of the default App icon
• Restarting a game in the Content Browser should no longer render that run invalid for the ‘first winner’ slot
• The ‘messages’ page is now loaded by default when interacting with the My Team button
• Income modifiers used in challenge rules should correctly apply to all sources of income

Event bug fixes

• Team island props should once again animate when interacted with
• Game should no longer crash when in the Odyssey scene as the event ends

Map Specific Fixes

• Protect the Yacht quest map’s Boss Spawn Point art has been corrected
• Protect the Yacht quest map should no longer use the #ouch odyssey statue

Tower Specific Fixes

Tack Shooter

• 5xx Inferno Ring’s fire aura is now visually disabled when VFX slider is set to 0%

Ice Monkey

• x3x Arctic Wind ice aura is now visually disabled when VFX slider is set to 0%

Glue Gunner

• x4x Glue Gunner can no longer debuff Dreadbloon in Primary Immune phase

Monkey Sub

• x5x Pre-Emptive Strike now works on Castle’s Revenge
• Resolved a crash that could occur when building a sub paragon as Vortex spawns.
• 3xx+ Monkey Sub aura no longer shrinks with the VFX slider, but is disabled at 0%

Monkey Buccaneer

• 4xx Aircraft Carrier planes now have camo restored when Polyphemus Eye is opened
• xx4 Favored Trades no longer increases the sell value of towers in CHIMPS above $0

Heli Pilot

• Swapping to Lock in Place while moving should no longer visually jam the rotation

Super Monkey

• Resolved a hypersonic automatic blink teleport attacks issue that never happened in a live build but is kinda fun to talk about, and honestly less hype than i’m making it out to sound anyway.

Hero Specific Fixes

Gwendolin

• Lv4 Gwendolin's Heat It Up buff no longer fails to apply if the attack runs out of pierce
• Resolved a buggy visual that could occur when Heat It Up attacks too fast

Etienne

• Etienne should no longer consume the ‘Box of Monkey’ Relic Knowledge

Geraldo

• Resolved a rare crash that could occur when using hotkeys
• Resolved an issue where Geraldo’s skin displayed the wrong portrait when viewing the full upgrades page

Corvus

• Resolved a crash that could occur when sold at Lv2

Platform Specific fixes

• [Vision Pro] Gentlemonkey Geraldo skin should now show on the Monkey Tray

Balance Changes

The combination of towers you are able to pass round 1 with can change quite a lot in any overall strategy, especially for more restrictive game modes, so for this update we have made an effort to open up new starter combinations with improvements to a number of initial placement towers.

Tower Balance

Dart Monkey
While we have been working to increase this niche with many new maps, Juggernaut’s functions sub-optimally for the majority of current maps in the game as the knockback doesn’t scale well without good rebound opportunities; to help with this we’re increasing their knockback force slightly with even more emphasis on the less-favored crosspath. We are slightly reducing the cost of Super Monkey Fan Club to overall improve the value of taking multiple to maintain higher uptime

• 4xx Juggernaut Knockback duration increased 0.1s > 0.15
• 402 Juggernaut Knockback to heavy targets 1.5 > 2.25
• 402 Juggernaut Knockback to light targets 3 > 4.5
• x4x Super Monkey Fan Club price reduced $8000 > 7500

Boomerang Monkey
Boomerang base price is being slightly reduced, already a decent start in many cases though this seemed enough to make slight game start changes and price it differently to other towers. The main attack for MOAB Domination has been scaled up as overall it is a good upgrade but the pierce on this main attack was previously unchanged from the T3. Glaive Lord’s main thrown attacks will now be able to bounce back again and hit the same target multiple times, this can be a very powerful effect so there is a cooldown on how frequently any single Bloon can be re-targeted.

• Boomerang Monkey price reduced $325 > 315
• xx5 Moab Domination Main projectile pierce increased 18 > 54
• 205 Moab Domination Main projectile pierce increased 27 > 81
• 5xx Glaive Lord main attack can bounce back to the same target: cooldown 0.6s

Bomb Shooter
Bloon Crush does its job locking down all movement in an area, but we feel it could see more damage to reduce the stall time without the balance really changing much. Bomb Blitz was recently refitted to a cheaper price range while proportionally keeping a similar power level for the cost, however seeing it now in this spot we feel keeping higher damage will give it the edge it needs to feel more impactful than spamming Recursives.

• 5xx Bloon Crush damage increased 12 > 24
• 502 Bloon Crush Frags damage increased 12 > 24
• 502 Bloon Crush Frags bonus damage to ceramic 12 > 0
• xx5 Bomb Blitz damage increased 3 > 5

Tack Shooter
Tack is a very powerful base tower technically, but it is unable to achieve high uptime of that potential power in many early rounds, so some base cost is moving into the cheaper xx1 and xx2 upgrades to make it easier for other towers to start alongside the tack. Additionally, while we’ve held out on this change as there are strong use cases in prior upgrades, Blade Maelstrom lacks the single target punch to last late in Modern Bloons. While it is designed as a high pierce cleanup of low tier Bloons we want to try shifting some pierce to single target damage to feel good for longer.

• Tack shooter price reduced $280 > 260
• xx1 More Tacks price increased $100 > 110
• xx2 Even More Tacks price increased $100 > 110
• x4x Blade Maelstrom damage increased 1 > 2
• x4x Blade Maelstrom pierce reduced from 200 > 100
• x5x Super Maelstrom damage unchanged
• x5x Super Maelstrom pierce reduced 500 > 300

Glue Gunner
Increased duration has limited use on upgrades that completely destroy targets anyway, so a better crosspath benefit is being added onto 401 glue puddles. Bloon Solver’s pierce is being reduced as it is over-overkill for how many Bloons you realistically see at once, but this reduction should not be noticed for most players. Glue Splatter stands out as weirdly expensive for T2, and is rarely even needed so we’re significantly cutting its price to bring it down to a more affordable range with less pierce, we hope this should make it more worth considering for splatter coverage over piercing. Now that Glue Storm is extremely good for damage type & debuff support we’re removing the bonus speed reduction that should otherwise require xx2 crosspath and lowering the duration of the Glue Storm. New Relentless Glue finally offers something quite powerful so cost is slightly increasing.

• 401 Stickier Glue allows track puddles to last +1 round
• 5xx The Bloon Solver pierce reduced 5 > 4
• x2x Glue Splatter price reduced $1450 > 970
• x2x Glue Splatter pierce buff reduced 3 > 2
• x5x Glue Storm ability ‘storm’ duration reduced 20s > 15
• x5x Glue Storm ability glue slow 75% > 50%
• 052 Glue Storm ability glue slow 90% > 75%
• xx4 Relentless Glue price increased 3000 > 3400

Sniper Monkey
Lower tier Shrapnel crosspathing balance doesn’t feel great currently, so the damage crosspath benefits at T1 & T2 are improving. Even with the high damage per shot, Cripple MOAB still has low value outside of debuff capability, we feel that these shots pack enough of a punch now that they should do a little collateral damage - so lets do it! (we’ve also increased shrapnel pierce at this tier to not tip crosspath balance too far to one side).

• 120 Shrapnel Shot damage increased from 1 > 2
• 220 Shrapnel Shot damage increased from 2 > 3
• 320 Shrapnel Shot damage unchanged (4)
• 520 Cripple MOAB’s Shrapnel Shot pierce increased from 2 > 3
• 5xx Cripple MOAB now damages Bloons around the main target
  • Radius 8
  • Pierce 10
  • Damage 28

Monkey Sub
Bloontonium Reactor’s unsubmerged damage is increasing to encourage unsubmerged possibilities. The bonus to Lead on Reactor currently doesn't apply to T5, so this bonus is being carried up and improved along with a small price reduction to Energizer as strategies using it have fallen somewhat in viability. Nautic Siege Core’s hero buff is being improved as currently this is an under-utilized part of the tower.

• 4xx Bloontonium Reactor dart & airburst damage 1 > 2
• 520 Energizer gains bonus damage to Lead +5 when submerged
• 502 Energizer price reduced $32,000 > 31,000
• Paragon Hero attack cooldown increase reduced 1.5x > 1.3
• Paragon Hero damage multiplier increased 4x > 5x

Monkey Buccaneer
While buccaneer is technically already a very good starter tower for maps that happen to have ideal spots allowing it to attack in both directions we feel this situation isn’t common enough that the tower should be priced around that expectation - this reduced cost is added back to top and bottom T3 upgrades as they do not need the buff. As the paragon has exceptionally powerful scaling mechanics as well as being a paragon that continues to produce cash the XP Unlock requirement is increasing, this increase will not affect players who have already unlocked it.

• Buccaneer price reduced $500 > 400
• 300 Destroyer price increased 2950 > 3050
• 003 Merchantman price increased 2300 > 2400
• Navarch unlock XP increased 500,000 > 750,000

Monkey Ace
Minor catchup changes to some parts have fallen out of line slightly due to balance changes for other parts of the Ace.

• x1x Exploding Pineapple attack cooldown reduced 1.7s > 1.6s
• xx5 Flying Fortress radial dart damage increased from 3 > 6

Ace - Goliath Doomship
A lot of stats shuffled around here; this should keep the power level roughly similar overall but with proportionally more of that power coming from the seeking attacks, and less from micro aiming the faster firing frontal gun.

• Seeking Radials projectile count increased 4 > 8
• Seeking Radials damage increased 200 > 300
• Seeking Radials boss bonus increased 200 > 300
• Non-seeking Radials projectile count reduced 16 > 12
• Non-seeking Radials damage increased 200 > 300
• Non-seeking Radials boss bonus increased 200 > 300
• Frontal Gun damage reduced 300 > 150
• Frontal Gun boss bonus reduced 300 > 150

Heli Pilot
Overall Comanche cleanup and stats shuffle; with the goal of improving baseline non-buffed performance and making it less demanding of Geraldo’s Pickle for high damage.

• x5x Special Poperations Marine can now be sold in CHIMPS
• xx4 Comanche Defense mini's attack rate 0.151848 > 0.228
• xx5 Comanche Commander mini heli dart damage increased 2 > 3
• xx4 Comanche Defense mini's missile damage 1 > 4
• xx4 Comanche Defense mini's missile pierce 80 > 60
• xx4 Comanche Defense mini's missile ceramic bonus increased 1 > 2
• xx4 Comanche Defense mini's missile moab bonus removed 2 > 0
• xx5 Comanche Commander mini's missile ceramic bonus increased 1 > 10
• xx5 Comanche Commander mini's missile moab bonus removed 8 > 0

Mortar Monkey
Artillery Battery use has really exploded (!) and over the past few updates it has been sitting fairly steady in a great spot, the current power level feels good but we don’t want to create too big of a gap from the T3 yet so only a very slight cost increase. Blooncineration’s 025 crosspath currently works so much better with external buffs so we're tweaking the 205 crosspath to feel better in some situations.

• x4x Artillery Battery price increased $5500 > 5900
• 105 Blooncineration walls of fire pierce increased 25 > 36
• 205 Blooncineration walls of fire damage increased 2 > 3

Wizard Monkey
Wizard has a weaker base tower so the base cost is going down in exchange for a small price increase to the cost to value ratio for the effective Arcane Mastery. As Fireball becomes very forgotten at higher tiers and is hard to even see at Dragon’s Breath, we’re improving the crosspath and adding even more projectiles at T3 for wider explosive coverage. As Shimmer is the slowest de-camo in the game it is important that it not miss when it does trigger, so pierce is greatly increased. Wizard Lord Phoenix’s Wall of Fire hasn’t had any meaningful upgrade progression, so its damage is being increased. Magus is one of the more in-depth Paragons to use effectively so having it as one of the cheapest to unlock didn't feel right, the unlock XP requirements for this and Ninja are being swapped around.

• Wizard price reduced $375 > 325
• 3xx Arcane Mastery price increased $1300 > 1400
• xx3 Shimmer pierce increased 200 > 500
• 210 Fireball crosspathed damage increased 1 > 2
• x3x Dragon's Breath fireball projectile count increased 1 > 3
• x3x Dragon's Breath fireball damage reduced 9 > 3
• x3x Dragon's Breath pierce reduced 4 > 3
• x5x Wizard Lord Phoenix wall of fire attack damage 3 > 5
• x5x Dragon's Breath fireball damage reduced from 27 > 9
• Wizard Paragon unlock cost increased from 500,000 > 1,000,000

Super Monkey
Super Monkey projectiles already travel most the map length so that total distance is being reduced and adding back via the range-focused middle crosspath. The recent Robo/Tech Terror nerfs had a larger impact on the Anti-Bloon, so it is seeing a larger compensatory price reduction. Legend of the Night’s special passive ability is being failsafe limited to 2 activations per round, per tower.

• Supermonkey projectile speed reduced 280 > 200
• x2x Epic Range projectile speed bonus 25% > 75% (remains 350)
• x5x The Anti-Bloon upgrade cost reduced from $80,000 > 70,000
• xx5 Legend of the Night ability max uses per round: 2

Ninja Monkey
While a great early game option, Ninja generally struggles with dominant crosspathing choices and also has relatively poor base tower value. Without going into every single change, T3s onward remain relatively unchanged with a lot of prices below T3 being moved around from less favorable crosspaths into bettehigher tier upgrades. Ninja Paragon is very simple to use so unlock XP requirements for this and Wizard Paragon are swapping around so Ninja is the faster unlock. This increase will not affect players who have already unlocked it.

• Ninja Monkey price reduced $500 > 400
• Ninja Monkey attack cooldown reduced from 0.7 > 0.62
• 1xx Ninja Monkey attack cooldown reduced 38% > 30 (all attacks)
• xx2 Caltrops attack cooldown reduced 4.4 > 3.9
• xx4 Sticky Bomb attack cooldown reduced 5 > 4.5
• 1xx Ninja Discipline price increased $300 > 350
• 3xx Double Shot price increased $850 > 900
• x1x Distraction price reduced $350 > 250
• x2x Counter Espionage price reduced $500 > 400
• x3x Shinobi Tactics price increased $900 > 1200
• xx1 Seeking Shuriken price increased $250 > 300
• xx2 Caltrops price increased $400 > 450
• Ninja Paragon unlock cost reduced 1,000,000 > 500,000

Druid
Passive life generation is being removed in favor of the active ability being the only source of life generation, this allows druid-focus strategies to no longer ‘accidentally’ heal their Vengeance buffs away. Heart of Vengeance itself has been allowed to remain overpowered for a long time since life loss is not always an option in different challenges/modes, but with newer competitive modes being added over time that do allow for this mechanic to be, overindulged, shall we say, it feels due for substantial rebalance.

• x4x Jungle's Bounty now generates 1 life per ability cast
• x4x Jungle's Bounty no longer passively generates 1 life per round
• x5x Spirit of the Forest no longer passively generates lives per round
• xx2 Heart of Vengeance lost lives maximum rate bonus reduced 100% > 50

Banana Farm
Monkey Wall Street’s cost is being increased, but in return its special bonuses have been improved with more life generation and much more range for Banana collection.

• xx5 Monkey Wall Street price increased $60,000 > 70,000
• xx5 Monkey Wall Street range increased 60 > 75
• xx5 Monkey Wall Street lives per round increased 10 > 15

Spike Factory
Spike Storm is now exceptionally strong so the ability cooldown is increasing a small amount along with the T5 cost. This comes along with a crosspath rebalance granting more 042 lifespan. Long Life Spikes can start creating a nice buildup of spikes in advance but most of the time feels fairly meh as a stepping stone into Deadly Spikes, a little price here is being shifted up to improve standalone upgrade value.

• x4x Spike Storm cooldown increased 45s > 50
• x4x Spike Storm ability spikes minimum duration reduced 10s > 9
• x4x Spike Storm ability spikes maximum duration reduced 13s > 11
• 041 Spike Storm duration bonus for ability spikes increased 50% > 100%
• x5x Spike Storm ability spikes duration remains at 18-22s
• x5x Carpet of Spikes price increased $40,000 > 42,000
• xx3 Long Life Spikes price reduced $1400 > 1300
• xx4 Deadly Spikes price increased $3500 > 3600

Monkey Village
Primary Expertise’s own attack is unreliable due partly to low bounce distance, so this is being increased. Base level Monkeyopolis continues to over perform, so the baseline cash generation is reducing.

• 5xx Primary Expertise bounce distance increased 50 > 90
• xx5 Monkeyopolis base cash amount reduced $1250 > 1000

Engineer
While better than many options, base Engineer still takes a lot of available starting cash so the cost is reduced slightly and being moved back up into Cleansing Foam & Bloontrap; also with a reduction to Double Gun’s price to reflect the lower value of the base tower. Sentry placements are slightly changing to improve their reliability, and will now spawn closer to the track depending on how much range the sentry has. Sentry Champion, while strong with them, is lacking without high buff support so we’re trying out an increase to the sentry damage on it.

• Engineer price reduced $400 > 350
• 1xx Sentries now spawn within 20% of their range to the track
• 5xx Sentry Champagne damage increased from 2 > 3
• x3x Cleansing Foam price increased $850 > 900
• x4x Overclock foam pierce 10 > 15
• xx3 Double Gun price reduced $500 > 450
• xx4 Bloontrap price increased $3500 > 3600

Beast Handler
In going over our large list of price changes for Beast Handler’s lower tiers in 42 this change was received very positively, however we did not realize that in making this change we killed off all chance of dual-beast handlers being used as a round 1 starting option for under $650 in hard modes – So we gotta do that math all over again and convert it for difficulty, painful 😀 All T1 beast prices changed to allow 110 & 101 beast handler combos to be placed for under $650 in hard mode, all T2 & T3 prices shifted around to keep these same cost ratios.

• 1xx Piranha price reduced 170 > 160
• 2xx Barracutie price reduced 850 > 810
• 3xx Great White price reduced 2075 > 2010
• x1x Microraptor price reduced 195 > 175
• x2x Adasaurus price reduced 890 > 830
• x3x Velociraptor price reduced 2170 > 2065
• xx1 Gyrfalcon price reduced 210 > 190
• xx2 Horned Owl price reduced 940 > 860
• xx3 Golden Eagle price reduced 3150 > 2120

Orca is very strong currently but Great White doesn’t do so much outside of max merge MOAB Takedowns, so damage is increasing to improve these non-maxed situations.

• 3xx Great White damage increased from 8 > 12
• 3xx Great White damage range increased from 16 > 24

Similar to Sentries, Beast spawn placement will now scale closer to the track based on how much range the beast has.

• 1xx Piranha now spawn within 20% of their range to the track
• x1x Microraptor now spawn within 30% of their range to the track

Golden Eagle has stood out more than Condor against MOABs which has felt very wrong, last update it was nerfed against MOABs and now we are playing with the pierce & penalties to improve Golden Eagle further against non-MOAB-Class targets and for Condor more help with lower MOABs.

• xx3 Golden Eagle pierce increased from 15 > 30
• xx3 Golden Eagle pierce range increased from 30 > 60
• xx3 Golden Eagle MOAB pierce penalty increased from 44 > 1089
• xx3 Golden Eagle attack cooldown range from 0.28679625 > 0.28
• xx4 Condor Unchanged by any above changes
• xx4 Giant Condor ceramic penalty reduced from 1 > 0
• xx4 Giant Condor BFB penalty reduced from 44 > 29

We’re slightly reducing beast reposition cooldown as the tiny range leaves movement very tight, which is especially painful for Microraptor path given the low range.

• Beast Handler move cooldown reduced from 3s > 2

Hero Balance

Quincy
Quincy’s Rapid Shot starts with an extremely short duration that slowly increases over levels, the difference between min and max is huge but it doesn’t feel too impactfully increased at any point through the leveling up process, so we are increasing the base duration and instead moving the buff up to max duration all into his Lv13 which currently doesn’t do much.

• Quincy no longer gains 0.5s Rapid Shot duration per level
• Lv3 Rapid Shot duration increased 3.5s > 8
• Lv13 now also increases Rapid Shot duration 8.5s > 12

Gwendolin
Gwendolin’s Heat it Up was recently reworked to allow for much more frequent triggering from attacks, however the 4.5s internal cooldown still limits it from being scaled up far so that internal cooldown is now also being reduced. Additionally, Heat it Up’s bonus buff to damage against Lead targets has been improved slightly so we can get more out of that niche.

• Lv4 Heat it Up minimum delay reduced from 4.5s > 1.5s
• Lv17 Heat it Up buff to Lead type increased from +1 > 2

Obyn Greenfoot
Obyn isn’t necessarily the best support for every type of Druid to reach its highest DPS, but with his more easy reliable design it feels appropriate for him to solve Druid’s biggest weaknesses in a more laid back approach with:

• Lv8 ‘Nature’s Wrath’ additionally grants camo detection to Druids in radius

Benjamin
Benjamin’s Cyber Security and Skimming levels have been swapped around so that the early game skimming cash snowball doesn’t come quite so soon, and Cyber Security can come in earlier where it will make a bigger impact proportionally to the lives being lost.

• Swap the levels for Lv6 Cyber Security and Lv4 skimming

Admiral Brickell
We’ll probably regret this, but the nerf made people very sad, and that is not a life goal 😢

• Lv18 Mega Mine cooldown 45s > 40

Etienne
Etienne's drones are prone to missing due to very low projectile speed, this speed is increasing a fair amount to help with this as drones already have an inability to directionally aim well.

• Lv1 Faster projectile speed for all drones 150 > 250

Psi
Purple Popping is underwhelming with how late it comes online, so this is swapping around with level 11’s slightly faster pop speed.

• Lv11 (Faster Popping) & Lv13 (Purple Popping) swapped

Geraldo
Geraldo has been far too powerful for a while and all-round nerfs are coming to many outstanding aspects, however in return a little quality of life is coming with some more forgiving stock capacities and much more flexible Fertilizer; with the % benefit being reduced in return for improved replenish rate, maximum stock and the ability to now work on all Banana Farm types.

• Lv2 Action Figure price reduced $700 > 650
• Lv6 Worn Cape restock rate reduced 5 > 7
• Lv6 Worn Cape cape max stock increased 2 > 3
• Lv7 Blade Trap max stock increased 3 > 4
• Lv9 Fertilizer cash bonus reduced 25% > 20
• Lv9 Fertilizer max stock increased 2 > 4
• Lv9 Fertilizer rounds to replenish reduced 5 > 3
• Lv9 Fertilizer will now work on all Banana Farms
• Lv13 Shooty Turret v2 damage reduced 7 > 6
• Lv8 Gerry’s Fire duration reduced 10r > 5
• Lv16 Gerry’s Fire v2 duration remains 10r
• Lv11 Jar of Pickles bonus to fortified removed 1 > 0
• Lv16 Jar of Pickles bonus to fortified reduced 2 > 1

Corvus
As Corvus’s power is still considerably top-heavy the mid game performance is being improved with buffs to underused spells, but also top-end power of his 2 most powerful level 20 spells is being reduced to lessen the pressure to ‘need’ to get this far.

• Lv1 Spear pierce increased from 3 > 4
• Lv3 Soul harvest cooldown 35s > 40s
• Lv5 Aggression initial mana cost 80 > 50
• Lv7 Malevolence tick rate 0.5s > 0.3s
• Lv14 Malevolence damage 3 > 5
• Lv20 Might damage 400 > 300
• Lv20 Overload damage 4000 > 3000

Relics
Minor tweaks to Heartless which feels it has no competitive edge over most other Relics & Monkey Boost which overperforms on all available tiles.

• Heartless now ‘disables’ Regrow Bloons: Regrow rate increased 150% > 10,050%
• Monkey Boost granted uses of the Monkey Boost power reduced 3 > 2

Some Relics required more functional changes. As more range is situational and sometimes detrimental Going the Distance has been merged with Durable Shots to also grant increased Lifespan, Durable Shots now instead increases the pierce of all towers. As ‘Popping White Bloons’ is also far too situational Deep Heat now also grants Frozen Bloon popping and improves the duration of Freezes.

• Going the Distance now also provides Lifespan +30%
• Durable Shots no longer grants increased lifespan
• Durable Shots now grants towers increased pierce +25%
• Deep Heat now also allows all attacks to pop 'Frozen'
• Deep Heat now also grants Freezes longer duration +10%
• Deep Heat now also allows Freezes to last extra layers +1

Boss Bloons
Bloonarius
This is really just for fun, bringing increased variety of Bleed Bloons from higher tier Bloonarius

• Elite Tier 4: Bleed Bloons from 12 MOABs > 8 MOABs + 2 BFBs
• Elite Tier 5: Bleed Bloons from 8 DDTs > 6 DDTs + 2 fort ZOMGs

Dreadbloon
Rock Bloons in the higher tiers of Normal Dreadbloon are very outscaled, and so their health values are being increased.

• Normal Tier 4: Rock Bloon HP increased 5000 > 9000
• Normal Tier 5: Rock Bloon HP increased 12000 > 22500

Phayze
In Elite mode Phayze’s speed bonus while shielded is being reduced by 5% across the board as it felt just a little too quick.

• Elite Tier 1 shielded speed bonus reduced from 50% > 45%
• Elite Tier 2 shielded speed bonus reduced from 55% > 50%
• Elite Tier 3 shielded speed bonus reduced from 60% > 55%
• Elite Tier 4 shielded speed bonus reduced from 65% > 60%
• Elite Tier 5 shielded speed bonus reduced from 70% > 65%

A friend (well-meaning) sent me a podcast episode on spotify of a girl talking about her recovery journey, and parts of her story really reminded me of just how much money, time, love, support, privilege, etc. it costs to recover. Some examples:

• Her mom buying 10 different types of candy bars each night as she wanted to choose between them based on her changing cravings
• When she got fries at McDonalds, she could only eat them if "fresh" and would go up to the workers (multiple times in one visit) to ask for them to be remade
• Being a teenager (under 18) with her own car to drive to/from restaurants or food shops and given freedom budget-wise

I hope I don't sound judgemental or like a "bully": that's really not my intention and I'm glad the all-in recovery method worked for her. But it makes me annoyed when podcasters or recovery "influencers" act as if it's that *easy* for everyone to recover.
First, the money. Healthcare/insurance issues, buying food, new clothes, having to take time off work/school to go to treatment, rent and other bills, etc.: it's simply unrealistic to expect the majority of people to be so financially secure that they can drop everything and make recovery #1 focus.
Second: the expectation that one's family is supportive, loving, and understanding. The world isn't all rainbow and glitters and in the case of EDs, there can be traumatic or toxic relationships/people, living situations, or more. I recently saw a post about someone trying to stay in recovery, but facing the possibility of relapse as their EBT credits for the month were gone and the source of their next meals unsure. Or the countless posts on here from individuals who have narcissistic, abuse parents or partners. I couldn't even begin to touch on the struggles that LGBT, BIPOC, and other marginalized groups face.
Third: just life in general. If you're a single mother, who's going to look after your child? Or, if your doctor isn't taking your diagnosis seriously and brushing off your concerns, who do you turn to? What if the only treatment center nearby has too long of a waitlist or incompatible with your schedule?
I hate how people portray recovery as easy, simple, and effective. It's unrealistic and frankly, condescending to people facing obstacles/struggles.
(rant over. on the bright side, I discovered today that spotify student edition gives you 15 hours of free audiobook listening!)