• Single/Taken/Complicated: single
• Seeking Relationship/Friends/Squish/Other: Relationship
• Romantic Orientation: Hetroromantic (Sex-Positive/Neutral) kissing and cuddles are grand.
• Gender: Cis-Male
• Pronouns: he/his
• Age: 38
• Height/Build: 6'1", large but trying hard to loose weight
• Physical Description: short redish brown hair, steel grey eyes
• Personality Description: Loyal, Laidback, and somewhat adventurous.
• Location: Sydney, Australia

BONUS INFO:

• Religious Views: Blessed are the Cheese-makers. (Well, obviously, this is not meant to be taken literally. It refers to any manufacturer of dairy products.)
• Political Views: Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
• Smoking/Drugs: Nope
• Alcohol: I have been known to partake in the occasional social libation
• Myers Briggs: ISTP

I am generally a pretty laid back kind of guy, who gets along with just about everyone. I work hard during the week, in a role with a lot of variety, as such I do like to spend weekends relaxing & chilling out, with that said, it isn't too hard to get me to head to the beach, into the mountains, or even just going for a random drive on the weekend. Although I am an introvert in the sense I get my energy from my alone time, I am otherwise pretty sociable.
During my Canada trip I became addicted to skiing, so bonus points for ladies who love the snow. I have become a very active person of late, & while I don't need someone to push/motivate me, it would be nice to meet someone who I can enjoy my new found fitness and activeness with. I want to do more hiking in the future.
I am a homebody, I love doing dinner parties, there is nothing like cooking up a storm (I cook a kick ass paella, and my BBQ ribs are to die for), then sitting back with a few drinks, good friends, and telling tall tales about crazy times, like when in a moment of inspired insanity I went swimming in Lake Cootapatamba whilst completely surrounded by snow. FYI 10/10, would swim again.
Send me a DM, lets meet up at some funky cafe, get to know one another, worst that can happen is we get to meet some new interesting people & maybe even make a new friend, possibly more. Also, kids don't scare me, so single mums don't be afraid to say hi.
Looking for: Honesty, communication, and commitment. Any woman, who gives these to me, will get them in return. I'm looking for a woman who can be my best friend and my confidant. I want a woman who knows what she wants in life, who is passionate about her beliefs and interests, with a positive outlook. Oh and most importantly some one who hates CoriandeCilantro like it is the living epitome of everything wrong in this world, or someone who's a good enough actor I'd never know the difference (Not entirely serious about this one. :P)
To those few brave souls who managed to make it this far, if you have a smile on your face right now, then send me a DM and tell me all about the craziest thing you ever did, or your favourite colour, I'm not picky.

backstory: I have an ex and he and I broke up due to me not communicating very well, but me expressing that I was very bored when in reality it was me and my commitment issues. He was my first kiss ever and I’ve always held a special place in my heart for him. and although I’m stating all the things I’ve done he also was not an angel. He lied to me about doing some gummies and he wasn’t very honest about his addiction. He is now clean since December (7 months after break up) and started working out to take the addiction. He has his moment ofc like any addiction but is doing a lot better.
Main story:
my ex and I started talking again through classes and realized we both still have feelings that neeeded to be explored in our eyes. I texted him I wanted to start talking again and not dating and I wasn’t really ready for a relationship and he explains he isn’t either. See start talking and everything is going well. We were calling all the time and texting all night. (I was gone on vacation to see family at the time and was missing school) the Sunday night I come back he meets up with me and he watches a movie with me. He ends up making a move and starts kissing me and makes out with me. Me in turn accepts this and enjoys the kiss. We do a lil more then kiss and make out but thats about it. He ends up going home for the night but I blurt out saying I love you. It was 4am and I meant it but I wouldn’t have said that if I had the mental capacity to think. He tells me not to not say it if I don’t mean it but I say I meant it. He kissed me before he left and said he loved me too and that he missed me. I then wake up to a text message saying he wanted to take things slow and wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship yet and was really sorry for what happened the night before. I was in shock and disappointed but understood what was going through his point of view since his thought is the reason for the break up originally was because we moved too fast and I got bored. When in reality we moved too fast and I wasn’t ready to commit. he doesn’t text me as much since I’m back at school and only calls me every so often so I’m not sure if I ruined soemthing.
TLDR; I think I fucked up anything special with my ex because I said I love you and our orgiinal break up reason was because we went too fast

I want to have children, I want to buy a home, I want to work my job, I want to live healthy, I want to not step on others to make all that happen. It is impossible at this day and age to do all of them, maybe not even half at the same time.
The water we drink is poisoned. Whether it's waste legally dumped from factories making untested chemicals, or from the pipes it flows through or from the containers we drink from, it doesn't seem like you can drink untainted water.
Our food is poisoned. Whether it's the untested chemicals put into it to make it last longer, taste better, become more addictive and become cheaper, or from the chemicals known to cause health issues, sprayed on it to keep bugs off. If we are talking about meat, factory farmed livestock is given plastic to eat, pumped with hormones to grow bigger and faster, and all that's without getting into the torture of their short lives in the dark with no room to move, living in their own excrement.
Our shelter costs more than ever in American history, not just to own, but to borrow. Broken homes are being sold for what more than half the population could afford to "buy." Buy is a loose word because over 3/4ths of Americans live Paycheck to paycheck. We don't have money to "buy" anything. We have to borrow money from institutions that have crashed our economy, in order to hopefully, eventually own one of these broken homes. If you borrow shelter (rent), you are at the mercy of your landlord, almost guaranteed to have the rent go up every year and lose your down payments when you move out. If you refuse to buy or borrow, wherever you stay is likely illegal and the country is working on making it a crime to sleep outside. You will be productive, whether is by "choice" or in prision.
Our environment is poisoned. The air you breathe, the water you swim in, the ground you grow crops in, is it safe? Have you gotten it tested? Sure there are "acceptable" levels of everything, but who is it acceptable to? The people living in it or the people polluting it? Can you go for a swim at your nearest beach without getting tar balls stuck to your clothing or your dogs fur from the multiple offshore oil rigs crowding the sunset view? I can't. Can you swim in the lake or pond nearest to you? I can't. Its prohibited and I cannot find a specific reason, but I'm sure it has something to do with the water cooling the Power plant located there. Somehow the fish have been cleared as acceptable to eat though. If you can't find somewhere to swim, you better find a way to cool down because this summer will be the hottest on record until next summer and so on. You sure you want to live in the hottest parts of the country right now? Will they be habitable in a few years? Will even the poisoned water be available to drink?
Our medical care is so expensive we either don't have it or are so afraid to use it for fear of bankruptcy. Insurance companies are constantly denying payment for basic medical needs and death causing events. Cancer will kill you and if it doesn't, the bill at the end will make you wish you died instead. If you wanted to try and pay for it yourself, the insurance industry has caused even just basic services to sky rocket in price, it's impossible. A 15 minute checkup is $400 out of pocket at the medical office nearest me. That does not include the blood work they send you to a different facility for, or any other xrays, medicine or general care you may need otherwise.
Our jobs are so level locked that if you've got no education, you'll make enough that the government will assist you with some needs like food. Your community has been trained to judge you for it, thinking you're cheating the system because you don't want to work, when in reality it's whichever corporation your working for, actively gaming the system so they can keep their labor costs as cheap as possible. If you've got some education, you're probably living to work. Yeah you only make what minimum wage SHOULD be, but if you work 80 hours every week,, you might be able to pull off a lower middle class life style. With some education, you might even be able to sneak into a 9-5 where you don't have to work as many hours, but you're still not making enough to meet every basic need. If you have higher education, you might be doing alright, or you might be unable to find a job, while stuck in nonexpiring, crippling debt. Maybe you're somewhere in between. And even if you've got a great job... is it safe? Did the shareholders make enough so that there won't be a massive round of layoffs this quarter? Did the right political candidate get elected so the field you work in isn't shut down until the opposite party gets back into power?
Not every American is in this position, there are lucky ones who come from enough money that they'll never know struggle, never know food/wateshelteHealthcare insecurity. But the one thing that is STILL unavoidable, the one thing EVERYONE must participate in is stepping on others to live day to day. Everyday, we interact with, see, touch, feel or use a product that was made with questionable labor, if not outright slave labor and human suffering. From the people mining the basic materials to create products, to the people working the factories that products are produced in, to your neighbor that works at the shipping facilities to get it to you, the whole line is corrupted and meant to squeeze the absolute most out of the workers operating everything. The threat of losing even more of your basic needs keeps you in line, if not threat of physical and emotional torture.
I am only smart enough to see the things that are wrong in the world and recognize that it is unsustainable, but I'm too dumb to solve any of it and convince others to help.
So how do we give up without giving up? How do we get rid of our morals and act like everything is fine? How do we continue on feeling good about the systems we have in place, knowing there is so much suffering involved? How do I make a concious decision to bring another human life into this world, to experience what Im experiencing, but for it to be so much worse by the time they can recognize it? It seems that there is no way to change everything and we are headed towards inevitable collapse, so how the hell do we enjoy the ride that's left? I see people do it everyday. Not doing it is pure depression and I am so exhausted from being depressed.

Yesterday was 3 months since my wife drowned at home. The thoughts of my last words to her, to the way she looked at me and then she was gone 10 minutes later. The whole incident caught on CCTV camera. I had a choice to see her last moments but I don't think I will ever summon up the courage to see a soft, gentle and kind person during their last moments. A phycologist who saw the video said that it was almost like she past out. She was 49 years old with no health issues but she was an addict. A good addict for the most part. Loved some whiskey on her own in the middle of the morning or glass of wine at a restaurant followed up with a top up at our home bar whilst I was parking the car. (I never knew)
My kids found bottles of wine throughout the house in cupboards, hidden sometimes, sometimes not(i sometimes knew and found it). She would hide a bottle of wine in her pants to get to the toilet so she could chug down.
She always had an excuse or an apology which I was suckered into believing. I was a sucker for her. She was beautiful and kind and caring and cooked and took the kids to school and did their homework with them and went to school functions and and and.
Added to this she was on initially prescribed and ultimately unprescribed benzos for 10 plus years. We had benzos all over the house. Kitchen, vanity cases and drawers to name a few.
However, she was soft and kind and caring. She was a wonderful wife and mother, an avid cook and foodie who had the talent to make videos for Instagram of our holidays and her cooking preparation etc.
That day, after promising me that she quit and after 3 short stints in rehab for treatment of clinical depression I found out that she was drinking my whiskey which at her insisting was noticed because I had put a marker and noticed a significant drop in level she became sombre when confronted.
She then proceeded to the shallow pool to cool down. I got distracted by a call for someone to pickup some items from my front door. I chatted with the gentleman a short distance from where my pool is and where she was last seen standing.
When I turned and opened my front door with a clear view of the pool I could see her floating, stomach down, hair strewn in front of her.
I ran, pulled her out and attempted CPR and mouth to mouth. I failed. I was tired. I was screaming. My two children were over me screaming. My youngest video called his sister who is at University so she saw what was going on.
A doctor, a friend who stays a few doors away from me came through. It took him all of 5 seconds to announce that she was gone. Her feet were still warm. I felt them as he walked away. He said that it was too long. He was right as I later found out from the phycologist who viewed the footage to explain the chain of events.
She sunk in the shallow end, less than waist height for my wife and never came up. There was a struggle and a "jerk" of her body at 18.59 and 45 seconds. I got to her at 19:05 and 50 seconds. The Doctor was there at 8 minutes from her last movement.
I loved her for 30 odd years, was married to her for one month shy of 24 years and cannot get the images of her in the pool, lying on the ground, police sitting down in our entertainment area, family members, business colleagues and friends walking around and me constantly going to her, opening the blanket, wiping away the fluid that was seeping from her nose, asking her if she's okay, holding her hand and rubbing her feet.
Can there be anything more painful and burdensome for the living than losing someone who was truly and unconditionally loved? No matter the manner of death, the length of the suffering, the pain etc.

I really thought I’d be vaping for the rest of my life. From age 14 to 19, I vaped nicotine consistently (with a short forced 2 month break somewhere in there). It was in my pocket all throughout high school and beyond. Genuinely, what got me to stop vaping was what got me to start- the status and ‘coolness’ of it. The first time I vaped nicotine was on my friend’s older sibling’s friend’s (sounds further removed than it really was) juul in 2018. I needed to know what it was all about. I hated it. I coughed for a minute straight. But, something kept me going. From then on, whenever someone had one around, I’d hit it. Eventually, I got my own, and got another, and another, and …. After a crippling nicotine addiction development and God knows how many vapes later, at 19, I got sick. It wasn’t anything crazy, just a cold. But I had gone almost 24 hours without a hit because my chest hurt so badly. I took the opportunity and kept off it. I would’ve never been motivated to do that without the shift in how the people around me, and the internet, view vapes now. I’m 20 now and as stupid as it sounds: vapes are simply cringey. Zyns are not the same and cigarettes smell like the devil to me. So, I swore off nicotine entirely (occasional tabacco in the blunt still stands though). I’d like to both criticize and thank my brain for being a sheep. Btw- diagnosed ADHD, depression, anxiety, all that fun stuff. I’m a if-I-can-do-it-you-can-do-it typa story. In conclusion, vaping is out. Best of luck quitters!

Admitting we have a problem is the first step in solving it! Author is a Eugenean talking about her experience with rising crime in the city, never saw this story but hey, still relevant today. Found this little gem by random chance. Title is a hopefully relatable quote from the article. You can agree or disagree with the author, but it's actually pretty well written with sources included. (just including the whole article, for people who don't want to click links!)

I Caught Two Men Stealing From My Home. The Aftermath Was Absurd—and All Too Typical.

This experience crystallized Oregon’s deeper problems.

BY REBECCA SCHUMANJUNE 21, 20225:40 AM
Typically, guys wearing power-company vests don’t leave the houses they’re working on laden down with backpacks—let alone power tools, a scooter, and a Nintendo Switch. But that was the scene I happened upon at 6:30 p.m. on a Tuesday in mid-April when I puttered into my driveway in Eugene, Oregon, my 7-year-old ensconced in the back seat.
For a second, my brain tried to normalize the incident: This is just my daughter’s dad stopping by—except there are two of him, and they’re dressed as electricians for some reason? Then, a second later, everything whooshed into place: Oh, wait, I’m being robbed. Or, rather, I was being burgled. I would get reminded of this distinction later, when I made the dubious choice to join the chorus of aggrieved buttinskies on Nextdoor, where my well-meaning post to warn the neighborhood would turn me into an accidental vigilante hero for a day.
Unfortunately, it’s true: My reaction to this burgle was the lived-out fantasy of many who have been on the business end of a property crime. As the two goons took off on foot down my street, I went into fight-or-flight mode—and I chose fight.
“Well,” I said to my confused child, “let’s go see if we can get our stuff back.”
I peeled my 2005 Subaru back onto the street and easily overtook my two targets, who then hurtled themselves into an alley, whereupon I cornered one by the driver’s side window as the other made haste across the adjacent parking lot.
“Just give it back, bro!” I yelled out my window. “Just give it back! I’m a single mom! Just give it back.”
I repeated this until either I reminded him too much of his meanest teacher or he realized he’d been caught in broad daylight. “Fine,” he said. “Just fucking take it.”
He shoved a backpack through my driver’s side window. Inside it was both my laptops and my daughter’s iPad from school. Back at home, I would discover these guys had used channel lock pliers to force open the back door, but that the general chaos of my home had prevented them from locating my passport, jewelry, or sole item of irreplaceable value: the Montblanc fountain pen that my father, who died in a bicycle accident two years ago, had gotten for his law school graduation. My cat was unfazed.
I can honestly tell you that this little caper of mine was thrilling and deeply satisfying. It was also the exact wrong thing to do. Even this fanatical open-carry gun website implores: “Don’t chase criminals.” What if these two dipsticks had been armed? As unlikely as that was—property crime in my town is often driven by addiction, and weapons are worth money, which can buy drugs—I put myself and my child in potential danger. And for what? Three grand worth of electronics. As any reputable expert will tell you, you’re never to give chase to a thief, because human life is not worth possessions. As much as I admit to enjoying being called a “badass” by everyone I told this story, plus the listeners of KLCC Oregon, I should not have done this.
I did call the police, on the nonemergency line, because the dudes were long gone and nobody was hurt. I declined the dispatcher’s offer to send two officers to fingerprint a bunch of stuff I’d already touched. At best, that would have just added two more sets of prints to my town’s burgeoning roster of perennially at-large property criminals.
There are larger issues here, issues much more important than my would-be cool story. First, it’s an example of how in Eugene, small-scale property crime is now de facto legal. It is largely nonviolent, so it’s rarely seen as worth police resources to track down the goods. At the same time, it is so prevalent that any time one vest-wearing bozo gets nabbed, three more spring up in his place. This was my house’s second break-in in six months, and my fourth property crime total in the three years I’ve lived here as an adult. Eugene is my hometown, so I can also add the four times my childhood house, where my mother still lives, has been burgled since the early 2000s. When I was little, we left our front door unlocked so regularly that I wasn’t aware front doors had locks on them until I was much older. By the time I turned 30, however, every door in my parents’ house had been pried open at least once. (“Time to finally get that alarm system!” said my dad for three straight decades.)
Still, it’s a mistake to treat this trend solely as a vexing crime problem. Eugene’s descent into its property crime epidemic has been concurrent, unsurprisingly, with two addiction epidemics: First, the methamphetamine nightmare of the 1990s—when pseudoephedrine pills were still unregulated—hit Oregon and other Western states particularly hard. That wave segued all too naturally into the opioid and fentanyl crisis of the present. Meanwhile, not only did meth never really leave, but its use in Oregon also surged with the pandemic, with three Oregonians per day currently dying a drug-related death.
Since our conversation was necessarily brief, I don’t know the housing or drug situation of the guys who broke into my place. But local statistics point to them as two more casualties of these plagues. (Granted, those statistics are from nearby Portland, and they are police-sourced, so take them how you wish.)
For all the ambivalent empathy that the opioid epidemic has engendered, the local property crime scourge has set off a fierce public backlash. My incident brought out an unsurprising chorus of bloodlust on Nextdoor and elsewhere, when I shared it because I wanted to give my immediate neighbors a heads-up: “You should have kicked their asses,” they wrote. “We need to rise up and defend our property.”
This town’s petty crime is often attributed, at least in the national conservative press, to our West Coast government’s decision to temporarily allow urban camping during the pandemic. (That policy has now officially ended, for what it’s worth.) Towns like mine have often been characterized in the popular imagination as unlivable crime-addled hellholes. I will be the first to admit that our tent cities are sometimes blatant open-air drug markets, but this is the case even as our property values inflate to absurd proportions—and our crime is actually on the decline. Still, Oregonians like me currently have about a 2.7 percent chance of being burgled, which, at almost 30 percent higher than the national average, is very high. I learned very efficiently how anecdotes like mine get around (I can’t help it if I’m a dynamic storyteller!) and attract the righteous indignation of other former victims, so many often feel, incorrectly, like we few honest vanguards are awash in a sea of riffraff.
This atmosphere, in turn, inspires my locality’s equally unreasonable political extremists to put forth and exacerbate their own untenable solutions. Even in a hyperpolarized American environment, Oregon is more polarized than most. For decades, our liberal enclaves have made Portlandia look understated, while our conservative areas make Texas’ look progressive.
For example, during the heyday of Eugene’s recently dismantled and infamous Washington Jefferson Park tent city, a larger break-in at a bicycle store was traced at least partially back to the encampment. The police swept the tents and made a flurry of arrests. Some of the bikes were found. This resulted in part in outrage over using resources to hassle the city’s most impoverished residents: “A stolen bike, yes, that sucks,” an advocate for the unhoused told a local news outlet. “But what are your priorities? And I’m sorry, but a stolen bike isn’t the priority.”
Well, trust me, in this town, it definitely isn’t. Recovering those bikes was an anomaly; in Eugene, most of these burglaries go unsolved. In fact, 87 percent of burglaries in the whole country do, too. The get-tough-on-property-crime proponents assert that statistically, this sends a message that stealing is fair game, and sure, that is a message I do not condone. But I also agree with a somewhat less rabid version of the opposing view: Property is replaceable, these crimes are nonviolent, and everyone currently rifling through houses and dealing drugs out of tents in my town is human. They deserve a chance to get their lives on track.
So, what should be the town’s priority? Fixing the addiction epidemics is a perilously long way away from happening, for reasons that are as polarizing as addiction’s consequences. In the sobering and excellent Dopesick, author Beth Macy goes into painfully exacting detail about opioids’ near-inescapable hold on the human brain. Macy argues that the true way out of this epidemic is “low-barrier treatment,” which includes supportive housing and medical interventions such as safe injection supplies, fentanyl testing strips, buprenorphine access, and supervised consumption sites. All of these options, however, are a tough sell even in a “progressive” town like Eugene, where supervised consumption sites are what NIMBY nightmares are made of, and low-barrier treatment can run up against deeply held moral stigma: Gas is $5 a gallon, and my taxes are going to some junkie?
In the meantime, while some admirably advocate and vote and wait for those breakthroughs, what should we do about the burglaries themselves? Should we pursue more law enforcement, or more compassion toward the burglars? More arrests that allegedly might deter this, or policies that might alleviate income inequality? Does—as approximately 83 percent of the suggestions from my Nextdoor thread contended—every house in town need a tripwire that handcuffs trespassers on sight? Or should all businesses be taxed at 500 percent, and the proceeds used to furnish every fentanyl dealer in town with a nice apartment and mad cash? The debate has degenerated such that these are the sorts of cartoonish positions each side believes they’re fighting—and, in fact, are the only available choices. Just check out Eugene’s Reddit section any day, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
The actual blight on small American towns like mine isn’t property crime. It’s that any tenable solution to it has been swallowed up into a churning abyss of extremism and perceived counterextremism. No one seems to have a convincing answer to the most basic question: So what should we do? What should I do?
Burglaries don’t have to be largely unsolvable, and more property criminals could be apprehended. But while I don’t want those dudes or any of their buddies to come back to my house, I also don’t want them in an American prison, where their “rehabilitation” will consist largely of learning better ways to commit even bigger crimes when they get out, and their options for alternative forms of acquiring money will be even more limited than they are now. Lacking any meaningful restorative justice program for petty thieves in my town (which would, in turn, necessitate locating and apprehending them), I decided my own problems could be solved, for now, with a padlock on my back gate.
And then, not long after the break-in, a Nintendo Switch appeared on my town’s Craigslist. Its included components and color combination were identical to the set stolen from my house. I debated, briefly, bringing my vigilante justice alter ego Super Annoying out of retirement, answering the ad and showing up to shrill my wrongdoers into returning what was mine. But this time, I thought better of it. My life is not worth much, but it’s probably worth more than Mario Kart. I can only hope the console’s new owners enjoy it as much as my daughter did—at least until someone steals it again.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA999333
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I(29F) made my step-father(50M) an outsider at my wedding that he paid for. I need to make it up to him but I dont know how.
Thanks to u/queenlegolas and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: child abandonment, emotional manipulation, possible exploitation
Original Post: May 6, 2024
I ruined the memory of the best day of my life because I was too blind to see what I was doing was hurting one of the most important people in my life. I got married 2 months ago to the love of my life, and he finally opened my eyes to what I did. He showed me the perspective I didnt understand.
When I was 5 my father left us. Just disappeared without trace. He and my mom were already separated by that point, but he was still living with us. 3 years later my mom started dating Rob. He was quite a bit younger than she was, I belive she was 34 and he was 26. Today he is very wealthy (he wasnt when he met my mom) and he treats my mother like a queen. Whenever she is around him she looks like the happiest person in the world. My younger sister looks a lot like me and mom, but her personality is for sure a reflexion of her dad, always telling jokes and being just a nice person all around while me and my mom are more serious and cold.
As I got older, Rob became more present in my life he got married to my mom and she got pregnant. But it was still pretty weird seeing him as a father figure mostly because people would asume he was my brother all the time. When I was in HS, I was dating this boy, and he broke up with me at my friends house. My mom was on a night shift and I had to ask Rob to pick me up. When he did, he conforted me, took me to get ice cream, and when we got home he told me something like this (without knowing what happened) "whoever made you sad doesnt understand that you are the best girl in the world, and its their loss. Dont beat yourself up because other people are too stupid to see it"
I just said to him "I wish you were my dad". He smiled and said that he wished that too, and he could be if I wanted to. We left it at that. I never called him dad. But from that point foward I saw him as a father and I think he knows it.
I finally reconected to my biological father about an year ago. It happened because I got engaged. When I came to my mom's house one day, he was there and I couldnt even recongnise him. He was way thiner than he was when I was a kid. He struggled for years with depression and substance abuse. My mom and Rob actually helped him get clean and they even paid for his stay at a great reabilitation center. They decided together that it was time for me to finally meet him again.
I dont want to explore much on how this was, but all I have to say is that im glad to have him back in my life and im glad for being able to help him heal. He sufered a lot, he got lost. But now he is at least trying.
Rob and my mother payed for everything at my wedding, and everything was amaizing. The church was beautiful, my husband looked amaizing. The one mistake I made: I chose my biological father over Rob. I chose the man that did abandon me for over 20 years over the one the took me as his own and gave me everything he could when he didnt have to. I chose the man that broke my mothers heart over the one that saved her. I dont know why I did what I did. Looking back on it I feel so fucking stupid. My dad didnt deserve to walk me down the aisle. My dad dint deserve to be in all the pictures with my mom and my husbands parents. It should have been Rob.
I dont know, I think I was compensating for the time lost with my dad. Everything was still so fresh with him. I was helping him out, he talked to me everyday, I felt like he deserved to be back in my life.
When we were deciding who would give speeches, we had to cut some because it was just too many and me and my husband didnt really like the idea of hearing speeches for and hour and a half. So we decided for 5 people each. When I gave the list to my husband he even asked "no Rob?" And I said "yeah, my mom is already doing one". The others I chose were 2 of my bridesmaids, my mom, my sister (she really pushed for it) and, again, my dad. My husband said I should reconsider, He even thought of giving up one of his to put Rob in. I said it was fine, he didnt need to do that. My whole thinking when doing this was that Rob has my sister. He will have his moment. This was the only chance my dad had.
But I went too far. I completly cut him out of the party basically. If you look at the photos it doesnt even look like he went. My mom looks like she is faking a smile in half the pictures. I dont have a single picture with him. He only apears in group pictures, and some with my husband.
I only realised all of this when I texted Rob 2 days ago, asking him about a gift im giving my husbands for his birthday. He anwsered. Then asked about my car that is with a mecanic friend of his. He awnsered. Then I asked him something about my insurance. He did not anwser. A little over an hour later my mom called me. She just said "do you have no shame? Do you not understand what you did?" I just listend and she told me not to talk to Rob for now. I was just so fucking confused. I got home and told my husband and he just said that he knows what she is referencing but he will talk to her first.
Later, he showed me the wedding photos, he went step by step on everything I have listed here. He talked calmly, and broke it down for me. By the end I was crying so much that I had a headache. What an inconsiderate idiot I am. He told me that he and my mom didnt tell me anything before the party because Rob asked them not to. He understood that it was important for me for my father to be a big part of this day and when they protested he said that they should not make me worry about these small things.
I dont know what changed from before the party to now. My mom only tells me that he needs a bit of time and that he will talk to me soon. My husband keeps telling me that I made a mistake but Rob will be understanding and will forgive me. And I know that he will. He 100% has already forgiven me. He probably felt something when I was texting him that day that broke him down. I dont know what I said to trigger him at that moment, but also it doesnt really matter. I did the real damage at the party probably since he apeared to be fine with everything else before it (It was not fine by any means)
I have to make it up to him. I dont know how but I just do. I guess im just writing this here because im a little lost. Im too ashamed to talk about it with anyone else I know apart from my mom and husband. She doesnt tell me anything and my husband keeps insiting that everything will be fine and for me not to worry too much about it. And he is probably right but I feel like me not worrying about this is just being incosiderate to Rob again. I have to worry. I just dont know what to do.
Im now at work, and the only thing I can think about is this. Nothing else matters to me right now.
If someone has any kind of idea of how I can make it up to him I would greatly appreciate it.
Edit: Literally 40 minutes after I uploaded this, my mom texted me saying that Rob wants to speak to me tonight.
Relevant Comments
OOP on the situation of her insurance and Rob

OOP: Actually, Rob does not pay for my insurance. He only helped me set it up. And this is not about money at all, I make more than enough money and my husband is also very well off. Rob and my mom paid for the wedding because they wanted to. They told me it would be their gift for me and they gave me the money to use it on the wedding. My husbands family gave us a sum to help pay for our new house.
But your comment made me realise that this might be the problem, he might think im using him for money. That just breaks my heart. I do not want his money. I would happly take myself out of the my mom's will and his (if he has me in it, which he probably does), if it means I can fix this.
Also, he was not rich at all when he met my mom. He became successful after their marriage. Just to clarify.

OOP on why she didn’t plan the wedding photos ahead of time

OOP: My plan was that I wanted spontanious pictures and the photographer had to be changed last minute. In my head it worked out fine, what I wanted was to have the "important" pictures taken early, bridesmades, groomsman and family and later on have just spontanious pictures.
It was something I was too stuck on, this notion of "wasting time" doing pictures, speaches, etc.
But that was such dumb thinking. Thats what wedding are for.
At the end of the day though, everything went great apart from this disastrous oversight of mine.

Top Comments
RevolutionaryHat8988: I want to hug Rob. We all need a Rob in our lives.
Deleted Commenter: You’re almost 30 and needed all of this pointed out to you?
You made multiple conscious choices to exclude Rob from your wedding and only cared after you brought up an issue with your insurance: another thing he helped to pay for.
At your age you should know that choices have consequences.
I’m not sure there is anything you can do to make up for the choices you made.
 
Update May 9, 2024
First, I want to say some things before posting:

1. No, I am not Linda, my biological father isnt dying. Got a DM in here asking.
   
2. My sister is mostly just sad, not really mad at me. Just said she understood my situation but it still was really shitty seeing her father taken for granted and sad.
   
3. My mother is the person most pissed off at me at the moment. She is the only one that still does not talk to me. I mean she does, but not really.
   
4. For the people saying my husband and mother were idiots for not talking to me before: they agree and have told me this. My husband specially. Im not trying to shift blame here, just saying this for the people that talked about it
   

I was not going to post anything else on here. Not a fan of being called names and for people to keep saying that Rob should leave our family. Although Im well aware that I deserve most of everything that was said about me. The coments saying "the apple doesnt fall far from the tree" in regaards to me and my biological father were the ones that hurt the most as it is a fear of mine and the reason I dont drink much and dont use any drugs or anything that could be addictive. But seing how there are other things that could make us more similar than I realised is really frightening.
The day I posted here, my mom told me Rob wanted to speak to me and to go to their home after work. I went and waited for Rob to arrive. When he did my mom left us alone and he started off by saying that he was hurt by what I did at the wedding, that he knows he is not my father and that he would never try to force that on me, but that he at least thought he had some sort of importance in my life and seeing me just not give him any importance apart from talking to him when I need help with something made him realise that I do not view him the he thought I did.
At this point I was already crying so much that I couldnt even talk. I waited for him to finish and when he did I just told basically what you all saw in the post. That I fucked up bad, that I was incosiderate, that he is one of the most importante people in my life and that what I did was unforgivable.
The only reason I am posting it here is because of something during the conversation. He said something about my time at college and I went "but that was because..." and stoped. He asked me "what? because of what" I just said "nothing, you are right, that was my fault and I should have done better".
He was pretty angry at that point and he started to smile and we talked about me taking responsibility for my actions. Its something I am terrible at, it was an issue at my old job and since then I have been trying to be better at it but not very successfuly. He asked what changed and I told him about the post. Multiple people in the comments said that I dont take responsibility and yes, they read right through me. I showed it to him and reading the post calmed him down.
And no, he did not read the comments, just the ones I showed it to him, I would not let him see what some of you were saying about my mom.
So yes, he told me if I was going to say something else to thank you people for calling me out for not taking responsibility.
We talked about a lot of other things not related to the wedding. At the end I just told him that there were 2 things I wanted to say for him to take away from this conversation: I really did mean it when I was in HS and said that I wished he was my dad. Even now, with my biological dad in my life. I still feel that way. And the second thing is that I know that it will be hard for him to belive it right now because of what happened, but I will try to prove it to him for as long as it takes.
For those interested, I`ve been going to a therapist with my biological father once every 2 weeks since he came back, but I think I need one for myself so I will try to make it happen soon.
I want to thank 3 particular commenters that helped me.

1. The person that told me to take it slow with Rob and dmed me to stop looking at the thread cause I was spiraling.
   
2. The one that said: "People fuck up. Sometimes badly. But in a loving and caring family it's never the end of things as long as you are willing to own your mistakes."
   
3. And most importantly the best comment that was fair and gave me the right advice: "You are a spoilt, selfish, childish person. I don’t know that rob will forgive you but you can’t simply wait to see if he does. Write him a letter in which you fully own up to your awful behaviour. Do not say “I wish someone had stopped me” - that isn’t taking accountability for the way you treat people. With him and your mom paying for your wedding and your in laws paying for your house - you need to grow up and reflect very seriously on how you interact with everyone around you."
   

I guess the post served as the letter in the scenario, thank you, that was the slap in the face I needed to realise that I need to do a lot of work to improve myself and that the wedding was not its own thing, it was a reflection of who I am right now and I dont like what I see when I look in the mirror. Also, Rob more or less told me something similar, just not as a agressive, so this comment made me take his words as not him atacking me, but trying to help me understand my flaws.
Im not sure how I will make up for this. Rob is telling me that over time, just me being how I was before my biological father showed up will be enough for him. I dont doubt him but its not enough for me. I will live with what I did for the rest of my life. I will always remember.
The way I am now I actually need people to call me out for this kinds of things and its not fair to them. I will work on it, I have to. I will try my hardest to not ever hurt anyone I love this way again. Thankfully now I have someone in my husband to help me do that and call me out if needed. Thank you.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

DISCLAIMER: THIS TEXT IS NOT MINE, I FOUND IT IN A THREAD 4 FROM 4 YEARS AGO FROM A DELETED ACCOUNT, WOULD CREDIT IF I KNEW WHO POSTED THIS ORIGINALLY.
Thought this would be interesting to other retainers than myself, felt i had to share.
Why you should quit porn NOW before it’s too late
Studies reveal that addiction to porn is as powerful as the chemical dependency on cocaine. http://www.mdjonline.com/opinion/nelson-price-pornography-is-the-root-of-too-many-problems/article\_bb0c1140-74c5-11e7-8e03-0f5aee3a2522.html
The porn industry “grosses more in a year than Hollywood. It also brings in more money than the NFL, NBA, and MLB combined http://www.worldtribune.com/pervert-nation-widespread-porn-addiction-helped-create-monsters/
Frequent masturbation lowers testosterone utilization https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Alonso\_Fernandez-Guasti/publication/6536830\_Relationship\_between\_Sexual\_Satiety\_and\_Brain\_Androgen\_Receptors/links/54b6c2970cf2e68eb27f0321/Relationship-between-Sexual-Satiety-and-Brain-Androgen-Receptors.pdf
Three weeks of abstinence increases testostorone levels https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11760788
Masturbation is associated with lower psychological health and reproductive well-being https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14681994.2019.1677883
Sperm contains compounds that prolong lifespan, fight cancer & heart disease https://vitalrecord.tamhsc.edu/spermidine-rich-foods-may-prevent-liver-cancer-extend-lifespan/
Men who are sexually active in their 20s and 30s are more likely to develop prostate cancer https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1464-410X.2008.08030.x
Masturbation decreases dopamine https://sites.tufts.edu/emotiononthebrain/2014/11/18/postcoital-neurochemistry-the-blues-and-the-highs/
Watching porn reduces gray matter in prefrontal cortex https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/1874574
Porn addiction has similar mechanism with substance addiction https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4600144/
Making sperm shortens lifespan of male worms https://www.nytimes.com/1992/12/03/us/in-worm-at-least-making-sperm-is-found-to-shorten-a-male-s-life.html
Masturbating 3 days in a row decreases sperm count by 20% https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2054949
Increasing ejaculation frequency decreases sperm count significantly https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15497706
Prevalence of erectile dysfunction doubled between 2004 and 2013 http://cir.usc.edu/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Genital-Image-Sexual-Anxiety-and-Erectile-Dysfunction-Among-Young-Male-Military-Personnel.pdf
Pornography consumption associated with mental health issues https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6327603/
A 2011 survey by Italian researchers at the Italian Society of Andrology and Sexual Medicine surveyed 28,000 men who categorized themselves as being addicted to porn. The results showed that many men, some as young as 14, suffered from “sexual anorexia.”
A University of New Hampshire study found that two thirds of junior high school students surveyed looked at porn on the internet when they were supposed to be studying. About 34% go on to have a problem with internet porn.
56% of divorce cases had one person who was hooked on porn. More than 50% of porn internet users report losing interest in sex with their partner. 40% of those who are sexually addicted lose their spouse. 58% suffer financial loss. 1/3 lose their jobs. Severe clinical depression was reported twice as frequently among porn users as compared to non-porn users.
American Sociological Association found that married men who began viewing pornography were twice as likely to get divorced. here 80% of college students in India watch porn; 40% watch rape porn. 76% said that watching rape porn leads to the desire to rape a woman.
87% said that their partner’s online cheating (by porn or other means on the internet) had a negative affect on their relationship. 41% called their partner’s online cheating significant, while 35% said it caused an end to the relationship. From a survey taken by Robert Weiss, a counselor who works with sex addiction
From a survey of 75,000 men: 64% said their “taste” in porn had become more extreme or deviant with use, and created waning interest in their life partner.
10% of U.K. 12 and 13 year olds fear they are addicted to porn.
From a survey of students in India of 400 students: 93% of boys said that porn was addictive as drugs.
From a study of over 2,000 men over the age of 50 in the U.S.: 42% said porn was the only way they could achieve orgasm. 56% said they had tried to stop but couldn’t. 58% said they believed it was wrong.
A study of the 50 best-selling pornographic videos shows that 88.2 % of scenes include physical aggression. 48.7 per cent of scenes include verbal aggression.
Survey of 941 people also found those who had watched porn more often, or started younger, were among the most likely to report having had mental health problems in the past six months.

Its been months. I'll try this technique to quit. Doesn't work. Try other ones. Doesn't work. It's like I'm in a prison that I'm not allowed to leave because I'm not strong enough. I'm so tired of it. My brain just yearns for this 10 minutes of this drug, then hates me for it. It's affecting my social life. I'm trying to become a better person, more socialable, trying to find women. But nope, I'd prefer edited pixels of women who dont care about themselves and just want money. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to have a connection with a woman. I'm not saying I'll never quit, but there's a chance porn might have fucked my brain for good. All I view women as is sex and dopamine and cleavage and can't just feel normal around them. I'm turning 16 tomorrow, it's been years since I've been addicted and I think my brain is fucked and there's no one I can share it with except people online. Fuck these evil people who prey on teenagers and get them hooked. Porn is a legal cartel. Porn is the most addicting drug because it's built into our blood to yearn for sex more than anything, and I, a teenager only a couple years into puberty have to break this all on my own because of how shameful society has made sex. I don't know what to do. I know I will make it through but fuck man.

Myrtle Beach SC News article dated May 15, 2024
Documents Invalid & A.I. Endorsement
FOR REDDITORS UNABLE TO OPEN LINKS
Mica Miller mental health documents not legally notarized
Members of Attorney Tom Winslow’s team sent us a statement that legal medical filings surrounding the Mica Miller mental health issues were not legally notarized.
Mica Miller died of what has been ruled a suicide at Lumber River State Park on April 27th. The FBI is now investigating the case.
Suicide Claims, Mica Miller Mental Health Records, And Notary Issues
Despite the fact Pastor JP Miller admitted from the pulpit to being suicidal in October 2023, just two months later JP was able to receive a health care power of attorney from Mica signed Dec. 5. Tom Winslow, of Winslow Law, was the attorney that orchestrated this legal filing.
Texts received by MyrtleBeachSC News show that Power of Attorney documents were supposedly signed by Mica Miller on December 4th at the Solid Rock church. However, those documents were not notarized by Winslow Law employees (Briyana and Tiffany) until the next day at Winslow’s law office.
According to the S.C. Secretary of State, a notary must be present at the actual signing of such documents to prevent fraud.
Two months later, according to the Myrtle Beach Police Department, Mica was “involuntarily hospitalized” on Feb. 8, 2024. But what makes the case even more odd is that JP’s power of attorney documents were not filed until March 20, 2024, despite having been signed and notarized three months prior.
Is Tom Winslow An Expert At Artificial Intelligence - Deep Fake Voice Audio?
Today, we report on Tom Winslow A.I. claims as he touts the importance of A.I. in his law practice. At the bottom of this article, readers can view terrifying texts sent out by J.P. Miller to Mica in November 2022.
We recently published that Pastor JP Miller, and his attorney, Tom Winslow were persons of interest in the Mica Miller “Suicide” FBI probe. Some readers questioned how we could report this with such confidence at that time.
We need to point out that Tom Winslow and JP Miller are not charged with any crimes, and even if they should be, they are considered innocent until proven guilty.
JP Millers Documented Sexual Encounters
According to DailyMail: “Miller’s first wife, Alison, filed for divorce in 2015 after discovering he was having an affair with Mica, who was 14 years his junior.” Alison also claimed that “Miller had an addiction to prostitutes and had ‘sexual encounters’ with underage girls.” She continued, “He had also confessed to me and other staff members of the church that he had sexual encounters with young females from the church, who were under the age of 16.”
The lawyer representing JP Miller in his first divorce case was S.C. State Representative Val Guest.
Mica's Statements About Suicide
Mica’s sister, Sierra Francis, said, “Mica stated to me on many occasions, ‘If I end up with a bullet in my head’, it was JP,” referring to her husband, John Paul Miller. In a written affidavit, Seirra writes, “I know my sister to have expressed the abuse and violence against her by her husband to others, including family members and members of the church congregation. My sister also expressed to me that she was fearful that she would not make it to the divorce and that her life would be taken from her.”
JP Miller Attorney Tom Winslow A.I Endorsement
In the video above, Tom Winslow touts that his law practice is an advocate for the use of Artificial Intelligence. Winslow makes it a part of his practice.
Winslow is a member of Solid Rock Church. His wife is part of the praise team.
Also, as we reported yesterday, Attorney Tom Winslow owns 200 acres of land that backs up to the state park area where Mica’s body was found.
All of this is circumstantial, at best, but it is also very curious.
*The Call Made By Mica At Lumber River State Park?
Mica wrote to her attorney: “Since the day we became husband and wife, I have been abused in every way I can think of. Emotionally, sexually, spiritually, financially and physically. He has harassed me physically and electronically with letters, phone calls, emails and texts, hacking my emails, hacking my personal Facebook and impersonating me. Using my stolen phone to send texts and emails out to church members pretending to be me, texting friends and family saying that I am sleeping with teenagers from our church, and showing up in person at places around town … to having installed three different tracking devices on my vehicle.”
MyrtleBeachSC News learned that JP was in possession of a mobile phone he had stolen from Mica. Anyone who has left an outgoing, “I am not available now” message on their phone, knows that a recorded version of her voice was likely on that mobile phone.
According to the Robeson County Sherriff, at 2:54 p.m., a 911 call was made from Lumber River State Park parking lot.
Miller is calm throughout the call, asking a dispatcher if her phone can be tracked. The operator asks for Miller’s phone number and location, and then why she was calling.
“I’m about to kill myself, and I just want my family to know where to find me,” she replies.
How Deep Fake A.I. Voice Works
Was the Tom Winslow A.I. knowledge put to use in this matter?
Audio Capture And Signal Processing
The first step in AI voice recognition is audio capture. This is where the spoken words are recorded.
The audio is then processed to remove any background noise. This ensures that the system can clearly hear the spoken words.
Signal processing also involves enhancing the quality of the audio. This makes it easier for the system to recognize the speech patterns.
Pattern Recognition And Machine Learning
Pattern recognition is the core of AI voice recognition. It’s the process of identifying the spoken words in the audio signal.
Machine learning plays a crucial role in this process. It helps the system learn and improve its ability to recognize speech patterns.
Over time, the system becomes more accurate. It learns to understand different accents, dialects, and even nuances in speech.
Real-World Examples Of Deep Fake A.I.
AI voice recognition is not a futuristic concept. It’s already a part of our daily lives.
You may have interacted with it without even realizing. It’s present in many devices and applications we use every day.
Miller Says Church Services Are As Usual
In a social media post yesterday, Miller states, “Solid Rock is alive and well and we are moving forward with our new building project. We are excited to see all members at our meeting May 19th at 5 p.m.
The FBI is just starting this investigation and no one knows where it will lead. The Tom Winslow A.I. practices may only prove to be circumstantial. The Mica Miller mental health records are sure to play a roll in this saga. Time will tell where this leads.
Question: Were Public Posts Like This One From JP Miller Abusive?
Miller, pastor at Solid Rock Church in Myrtle Beach, told his sister-in-law that he would be arriving at her house at 1 a.m. on November 17, 2022, where Mica was visiting.
After Sierra warned that he wouldn’t be allowed in their home, he challenged her, saying ‘you can call the cops’.
A few moments later, he replied: “I’m armed. I’m ready. Mica can fix all of this“, to which Sierra replied: “THIS doesn’t help anything. Threats and intimidation only make things worse.”
‘I don’t care (idc) Driving. I can’t text. Thanks.’ said the disgraced pastor.
In response, Miller replied, “Hahaha” when told cops wouldn’t be called if he stayed home.

For example as a teen vaper who sometimes enjoys vaping because of the taste and buzz and relaxation, I often find myself lumped with other teens who are rather addicted to vaping. It's almost as if some people can't see there is a big gap, and that teens who socially vape can disapprove of the huge addiction of these teen vipers.
Teen tobacco smokers are viewed quite negatively as a whole. Selfish, smelly, low class etc. although honestly as a teen who occasionally indulges in cigar smoking a good few people think I am cool and don't really care about social norms. They view me positively for it. Honestly cigars are pretty good special treats, they're pretty tasty and the smell is pretty good. But that's just my subjective opinion.
If their character is good and things are fine, I wouldn't be too worried about a teen's weekend cigar habit

Original post:
https://www.reddit.com/modnews/s/C9JuJoHqAg from Admin u/SmEllen_Fresh
Original Heading:
Wrapping the Golden Upvote Pilot + New(ish) and Improved Awards
Hi Mods,
I’m u/SmEllen_Fresh from the product team and I’m here with an (overdue) update on the gold and Contributor Program. We’ve reflected on how we rolled out these features, and want to rethink how we approach rewarding good contributions on Reddit. So, to close the loop on the pilot, we’re sharing some big news: today we’re launching new(ish) and improved awards. Rollout starts today on reddit.com and Reddit’s iOS and Android apps.
I’ll walk you through what’s coming, and how we got here. But first…

Where we’ve been

ICYMI, last year we released new features that we thought would make the experience of rewarding high-quality posts and comments even better. To address feedback that awards were starting to clutter posts and feeds, we replaced legacy awards with a simplified experience where users could purchase “new” gold – displayed as a golden upvote – directly with cash, rather than having to purchase coins first.
While the golden upvote was certainly simpler in theory, in practice, it missed the mark. It wasn’t as fun or expressive as legacy awards, and it was unclear how it benefited the recipient.
As part of the launch of the golden upvote, we also introduced the Contributor Program in the US. The program allows eligible users to earn cash for gold and eligible karma. (It’s worth noting that although there were understandable concerns about the Contributor Program leading to karma farming or other spam and fraud issues, we haven’t seen an increase in this behavior since the rollout 6 months ago). Unlike the golden upvote, interest in the program has grown… more on that in a second.
Finally, as part of this launch, we sunset coins. We gave those with a balance three months to spend their coins before we cleared balances and removed the monthly drip as a benefit of Reddit Premium.

Swing and a miss

Our goal is to make Reddit a place where people who make quality posts and comments get real value for their contributions, and create incentives for better comments and posts to keep your communities healthy and vibrant.
Your feedback has been spot-on throughout the process; here’s what we learned:

• Awards need to be expressive - Awards are a core part of the Reddit experience and should be expressive. If they’re too simple, they stop being fun.
• Awards given should visually support the recipient - The simplified golden upvote design wasn’t as fun or expressive as legacy awards, and it was unclear how it supported the recipient. (Several of you opted into the new golden upvote experience anyway, and your feedback helped us get here. We appreciate that.) Redditors love seeing other redditors get their kudos. It’s important to show the recognition contributors receive, and that their contribution matters.
• Awards given should convey real value to the recipient - The Contributor Program now gives redditors opportunity to get a cash payout as they receive awards on their content.
• But that value didn’t need to come at the cost of existing balances - While we had to sunset coins to implement this, we could’ve done better by our coin holders, i.e. some of the top awarders and award-recipients. Coin balances represented a commitment to rewarding comments and posts that delight fellow redditors. It was frustrating to see that disappear–even with the chance to spend down the balance.
• Eligibility to earn cash shouldn't incentivize spam and karma farming - This is an understandable concern. We have been monitoring the Contributor Program closely and haven’t seen spam, clickbait, and trolling that could attract engagement, arising from this program since the rollout six months ago.

What we’re doing about it

We’re launching a new and improved awards experience. We’re shouting from the rafters: Awards are back! Our goal with this refreshed experience is to bring back the fun of awards while minimizing in-feed clutter. The new experience features iconic expressions you’ll recognize in addition to new, uniquely Reddity ones. We’re also launching a leaderboard that shows the top awards for a post or comment.
To give an award, click the award icon underneath the content you’d like to recognize, select the award you want from a digestible set of fun options, and click Give Award. If you don’t have enough gold for the award, you can buy some on the same screen and give the award. Any redditor can view the awards you give in the awards leaderboard of a post or comment, unless the award is given anonymously.
Tap on the awards button in a post or comment to give an award and purchase gold
View the top awards and gold earned by a post or comment in the awards leaderboard
We’re (re)introducing gold as the way to purchase awards on Reddit. Gold has meant a lot of things in Reddit history. It's referred to coins, Reddit Premium, and more. With the new version of Awards, gold both purchased and received will be stored as a balance on Reddit. Redditors can buy gold in bulk and spend down their balance to award content, or buy gold at the time of giving the award.
We’ve expanded the Contributor Program internationally. We’re expanding beyond the US. Eligible redditors in 35 countries can now earn cash for gold and karma earned through their contributions to the community. While we haven’t seen an increase in spam, fraud, or moderator burden to date, we’ll continue to monitor it as we scale the program to new countries.
We’re helping you keep your communities safe. If redditors notice potentially harmful awards on a post or comment, they can report it to you for removal if needed. Safety is paramount to us for refreshed awards - so Pease don’t be shy (we know you won’t be) if there are other ways we can ensure safety for your communities as awards roll back out. NSFW subreddits, trauma and addiction support subreddits, and subreddits with mature content are not eligible for awards.
We’re giving exclusive awards to coin holders. If you had a balance when we announced that coins were going away, you’ll have access to a number of exclusive awards to give for free when we launch this week. No action required, those eligible will see a balance of these awards when awarding a post or comment starting May 15.
Exclusive awards available to coin holders
For more info, you can check out the help articles for awards, gold and Contributor Program. Comment with any questions!

Here is the recap of the 14 monetized posts from Kylea and Joseph "Joe" Gomez of Kylea G Weight loss Journey on 05/14/24.
"There's a thin line between confidence and arrogance... It's called humility. Confidence smiles. Arrogance smirks." Unknown
⚠️ Compulsive Buying Disorder (CBD), aka shopping addiction, Death, Disordered Eating, Domestic Violence, Gaslighting, Grief, Illness, and Religion will be discussed
Disclaimers: I am not a physician, influencer, or paid content creator. I am not affiliated with WW. I am semi-retired from healthcare with multiple college degrees. These opinions are my own based on social media content. I wish no harm to Kylea or Joe Gomez.
☎️ If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, please call or text 988 for assistance.
☎️ National Domestic Violence Helpline: Confidential Help is available 24/7 at 800-799-7233. Or text BEGIN to 88788.
https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/understand-relationship-abuse/
The tagline of Kylea G Weight loss Journey is, "I changed my life with prayer and a playlist of songs. No surgery, no meds. Just Jesus."
DAILY STATS 05/14/24:
0/14 posts discussed prayer
0/14 discussed music
1/14 discussed extra walking from sightseeing
0/14 shared a recipe
6/14 were about something Kylea ate or drank
1/14 was about her sister's sushi
1/14 "Joe" posted about "habachi" Kylea had delivered to the apartment
5/14 were about sightseeing or what Kylea felt were motivational sayings.
📢 For our friends at Meta, although Kylea put forth more effort than usual, >21% of her content had nothing to do with weight loss.
⚠️ Disordered Eating- Daily WW Points Used (Data compiled from monetized content):
2 WW Points?: Mexican coffee + almond milk + sugar-free vanilla + almond milk + 1/4 of Premier Protein shake (No WW points listed. The extra almond milk may have been an error.)
0 WW Points: Scrambled Eggs + Fruit
5 WW Points?: Unknown protein bar + fresh fruit
2 WW Points: Cold Brew + almond milk + sugar-free strawberry + sugar-free caramel + 1/4 of Premier Protein shake with a bowl of fresh fruit
0 WW Points: Large Fanta Dragon Fruit Slurpee
2 WW Points: Dark chocolate PB Cup
📢 For our friends at Meta, that means Kylea consumed approx. 11 out of (up to) 30 daily WW points= Disordered Eating. This is dangerous messaging for her 138k+ followers. San Diego is full of diverse culinary options, and she is restricting herself from eating. Follow your policies on eating disorders and take action.
Recipes Shared: ZERO
🚨 Please speak with a medical professional about any questions or concerns you have about your health.
Comments: Kylea arrived in San Diego (with her sister, aka trip photographer) and was feeling emotional and inspired by her progress almost 3 years into her journey. There is always hidden meaning in her content. Here we go...

1. They landed in San Diego: Kylea boasts about $45 round trip flights. 🚨 Lie detector
   
2. Iced Coffee in Old Town: Followers were curious how she got her Premier Protein through TSA. 🤔
   
3. Breakfast with a View: Kylea is more restrictive with food when traveling. A follower suggested a California Burrito. Kylea replied, "I don't want a burrito, but thank you!! 💖 💖 My trips are about adventure and I stay on my plan when traveling." Newsflash: burritos are part of the WW plan. Kylea undereats daily and does not always use her weeklies.
   
4. Deleted Beach Video: This 3 min 19 sec clip contained many of her famous catchphrases. (She removed the video in less than 10 min.) Kylea was unable to walk and talk without becoming and staying short of breath. That is abnormal for someone who claims to have walked daily for almost 3 years. 🤔
   

She is proud of herself for the "courage" it took to book a cheap flight because life is short. I think the Missouri Courts and hospital system would be proud of her if she paid her medical judgments instead.

1. They watched the waves for hours
   
2. Attitude of Gratitude: Kylea has been "focusing on the positive lately and it has been good for me. 💖" Please ignore all photos with smirks and dead "yellow" eyes, clap back speeches, references to death and loss, her list of complaints about acute and chronic illnesses, and need for an emotional support animal to function.
   
3. Sister had Sushi- Kylea is allergic and stated she didn't know the name of the restaurant. "I can't even smell fish at all without 🤮 🤮" (How did she survive the main dining room on the cruise in the presence of fish?) Followers were led to believe her sister ate alone after Kylea commented she ate beforehand.
   
4. "Joe" posted about Kylea having "habachi" delivered: Please see the link above on Domestic Violence. "Domestic Violence is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship... This can happen through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, or financial control."
   

False allegations are dangerous, and I walk a fine line in these recaps. We are to the point, I felt the need to provide a domestic violence resource and say this: I feel it is inappropriate for Kylea to repeatedly produce monetized content where "Joe" appears to make posts under her account and name. Furthermore, it is not okay to influence 138k+ followers to emasculate their partner, treat them like a servant, imply you control access to preferred foods, and shared finances in your absence. Concern is growing. This type of monetized content is triggering for victims of intimate partner violence and needs to end. ☮️

1. Slurpees at 7-Eleven: Kylea claims she remembers her 1st Slurpee from when she was 3-4 years of age. Debate erupts when Kylea claims her 32oz Fanta Dragon Fruit Slurpee is zero sugar, and a wise follower informs her it has "about 36 grams of carbs and almost 800mg of sodium." Kylea argues with this woman and eventually deletes the post instead of issuing a statement with the proper nutrition information. I feel that Kylea does not understand the basics of carbs vs. sugar. Influencing followers with complex medical conditions to drink a 32-oz Slurpee is inappropriate without a disclaimer.
   
2. "Seeing the world is one of my top priorities in life." Kylea is holding her slurpee in front of a mural with her left leg in a donkey kick pose. Why pose like that? 👀
   
3. Strawberry/Caramel Cold Brew with a bowl of fresh berries
   
4. Dark Chocolate PB Snack
   
5. "Sail Boat" Sighting aka Navy Frigate Replica H.M.S. Surprise located at the Maritime Museum. (Yes, I looked it up out of curiosity. 🧐)
   
6. "You are enough exactly as you are and never let anyone tell you any differently."
   

🤔 Kylea spent the day collecting photos of herself, presumably for future before/after comparison posts. She wasted many opportunities to showcase the flexibility of using WW when traveling and exploring new cuisines.
Takeout: Flor & Seed Iced Coffee= $6 est + tip; Flor & Seed Unknown beverage= $6 est + tip; Kono's Surf Club Breakfast for 2 (online prices used)= $23 est + tip; Unknown Sushi Restaurant- sister= $12 est + tip; Unknown Coffee Shop for KG= $15 est + tip; Unknown Hibachi delivery-Joe= $25 est + tip & delivery fees; 7-Eleven Small & Large Slurpees= $5 est;
Shopping & Travel Expenses: Two One-Way Airline Tickets (Unknown carrier)= $98 + fees; Airport Parking (up to 50% off with prebook)= $16 est; San Diego Flyer transport to Old Town= $0; (It is unknown if Kylea used this free service or a ride share); Premier Shake, Protein Bar & Fruit= $10 est; Unknown San Diego Accommodations= $120 est + fees;
All info from Reddit. ✌️

(long post) - TL:DR EA needs us and can't afford to ignore bad feedback on its game
I work in Finance and am also an avid Fifa / football fan. It’s been extremely disheartening to see what’s happened to EAFC 24 this year, and I’m happy there’s finally a more public movement to get EA’s attention and change the underlying issues of the franchise. I wanted to provide some more financial detail (from equity research / consensus estimates) about just how important this game is to their business and how community action will force EA to accommodate changes.
Here's the deal: EAFC 24 is the most important revenue source for EA and is existential to its success as a company

• For FY 24, EA’s total revenue is ~$7.4 billion dollars; The EAFC franchise contributes ~$2.8 billion dollars (38% of its total revenue) - 2.5x the next highest grossing franchise, Apex
• It’s becoming even more important - as EA’s other titles all suck, EAFC now contributes 38% of its overall revenue for FY24, up from ~32% in 2021

How EA Makes Money Off EAFC:

• Ultimate Team: EAFC will make $1.9B of revenue from ultimate team purchases this year. This is ~70% of the overall franchise revenue. EA needs us addicted to packs
• Game Sales: ~ $640M (~20% revenue) - drop in the bucket and why they give the game away for free to encourage users to join / spend money on in-game purchases
• Fifa Mobile: ~$290M (~10% revenue); Packs, but in mobile form

What The Financial Analyst Community Cares About
EA is beholden to the financial analyst community, who will punish the stock with sell ratings if its metrics falter. This group of analysts religiously track EA’s metrics related to monetization (how we spend), and player engagement (how we play)

• How Much We Spend (ARPU): this is primarily driven by whale users, NOT the long tail of casuals. As streamers / others limit fifa point spend, it will drive decreasing ARPU
• How Many of Us Play (DAU/MAU): This is why all the objectives encourage daily engagement. If we stop playing daily, they freak out.
• Where Else We Consume EAFC Content (i.e. Twitch): More analysts are viewing twitch reporting data for weekly watches as an indicator of community strength; this is also why there’s constant objectives tied to Twitch engagement
• Bad PR: If everyone's bashing EAFC online, it hurts their image / brand and sellside analysts track sentiment closely

How to Hurt EA:

1. Don’t buy packs: Ditching microtransactions is the biggest lever the community has to pull
2. Make Some Noise & Rant Online
   • Tweet, post on Reddit, give bad reviews.
3. Play on a not-daily basis
   • Lower player numbers send a message
4. Encourage Streamers to Play Other Games
   • Streamers need to make money - supporting them as they play other games will help them, and hurt EA’s engagement numbers

EA needs all of us to play EAFC24 to be successful and cannot afford to ignore things like declining user engagement. Hurting them here will force them to come to the table and listen to community feedback.

We split mutually and for reasons other than my porn addiction but having time to myself I realized how badly my addiction had ruined our relationship(previous ones too) and my life in general. With attempting to quit porn(unsuccessful so far*) as everyday went by I realized more aspects of my life that it controlled and affected by it. I tackled it all holistically making sure to really break down why something was bad and then it became easier to change my thinking about it(sexual view of the world, objectification of women, etc). I really felt like I was becoming myself again for the first time, seeing as my issues with porn(and a whole bunch of other stuff too like being self-conscious) went back 7-8 years. For me, I find that learning and getting informed about something really helps in taking the initial steps in tackling it. So up to this point I understand why porn is so terrible for me but I have struggled in actually eliminating it. Back to my asterisk, I may go 1-3 days without, and then some downtime comes along, I may be a little bored(a trigger of mine) and I relapse. I always make a point to learn from my relapse but I know that I'm just making life harder for myself by not just fully cutting it out. I found this sub today after relapsing again and I think I may need some accountability. I learned that it takes around 2-3 months for your brain to physically change after cutting out porn so I'm setting a 90 day goal. I know I may still relapse here and there and ideally I would cut out porn for the rest of my life but we'll see where I'm at after 90 days.
Taking inspiration from another user I'm going to fill in a pyramid of days as progress, but to keep it from being daunting I'm setting small goals where I draw something and fill it it. First drawing is of an apple and there are three sections to color in(for three days). After those days I'll fill in my pyramid with the correlating amount. Each new drawing I make will likely have more sections to color in as I know that as time goes on things get easier and I know that the start is really hard and where most people (like myself) fail.
Please keep my accountable, join me in my goal! ->Suggest some stuff to draw!(not too hard I'm not actually an artist I just thought a visual progress counter would be more compelling/fun)
And some advice to people just starting their mental health journey because I have made substantial progress, just not necessarily in the porn department ;)
-Delete social media platforms, or at least turn off their notifications. Porn is a stimulant just like social media and cutting those out is a good way to start detoxing your mind.
-Start reading. I used to hate read, "It's just not my thing"-Me all my life. It trains your mind and is a good way to also slow it down too(less instant stimulation)
-Everyday, work towards becoming who you want to be. Take it day by day. Make marginal changes in your lifestyle and overtime you will not even recognize your old self.
-Enjoy the little things is so cringy and overused but its true. Go outside and smell the fresh air, shit like that makes you realize there is a world outside of fantasy. And once that is understood, fantasy will become less desirable. You need to train your brain to realize that gratification can be found elsewhere, outside of porn; so go do stuff.
-Prioritize short-term discomfort over long-term regret. This may not be so much about porn but just life in general. This message is about living your life its fullest. Starting a diet, asking a girl out, learning a new skill, making a new friend. Think of your future self, will you look back and wish you had done more?
-Oh also, start journaling. It has helped me loads with getting through troubling times and expressing things that I didn't even know needed expressing.
**Lastly** ->I categorize masturbation in with porn, since I see them as entangled where one leads to the other, at least in my case.

Pathological Jealousy from a Forensic Psychiatric Perspective
https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/advances-in-psychiatric-treatment/article/aspects-of-morbid-jealousy/06CBB7BF78CC43C785AE6F7C0F0046C9
The fear of loss and hyperfocus on the fear of loss seems to be behind a lot of the behavior to do with jealousy.
"The threat of losing a partner is expressed cognitively, emotionally and behaviorally. At the beginning the dominant component is emotional, related to a threat of a personal loss (of a partner, relationship, plans, life, stability), negative attitude towards a rival, as well as a partner, the feeling of injustice and loneliness."
Anger at the fear of loss begins to emerge.
"According to Zywucka-Kozlowska and Wlodarcyzk, jealousy is an anger, occurring on certain circumstances, based on two elements; emotions and situations. Emotions arise from the construction of human psyche, while situation arises from conditionings of the external world. Jealousy understood as an emotion is based on the insecurity towards own self-worthiness as a person as well as own attractiveness (including sexual attractiveness) for the partner."
The anger motivates the aggression to mitigate the risk of fear of loss
"Change in a way of perceiving a threat of losing a valued partnership (hypothesis, suspicion, interpretation) in favor of a real or imaginary rival who would enter an emotional relationship with a partner. It is accompanied by a mixture of various interpretations of the partner's behaviors as well as those of the rival, which generate anxiety and incline a jealous person to search for evidence of infidelity or to actions aiming at prevention of potential infidelity. The jealous person accumulates sorrow, anger, hatred, bitterness, which can epitomize in accusations towards an erotic partner."
Feelings of inefficiency and inability to satisfy cause a sense of fundamental insufficiency that begins the anger that evokes jealousy
"Factors often listed as contributing to evoking jealousy in men are as follows: erectile dysfunction, a feeling of inability to satisfy a partner's sexual desires, decrease of women's sexual drive, differences in attractiveness of partners, experience of an actual infidelity in the past, feeling of inefficiency to fulfill social roles, or psychopathological disorders expressed by alcohol abuse, personality disorders and delusional syndrome."
Putting the cart before the horse of accusations freaking out the accuser is seen, causing more anxiety as there is no good way to respond to an irrational delusion.
"Simultaneously, suspicion and distrust towards the partner and other people grow, then imaginary accusations and convictions appear. Consequently, these convictions intensify the fear, fury and further anxiety which additionally increases the amount of false judgements."
They also show inability to control jealous thoughts
"Infidelity, however, are not able to suppress the key psychic aspect of their jealousy, namely intrusive thoughts about infidelity, which they cannot control. Jealousy in its overvalued idea takes on a form of a dominant thought, however, a jealous person does not have assumptions of the intensity of delusions."
This shows jealous behavior is linked to obsessive compulsive disorder, which is linked to fear of loss. Only its aggressive instantiation is linked to jealous behavior though.
Anger at the fear of loss increases stress which makes the brain's delusions more aggressive as happens whenever the brain is infused with excess cortisol.
"It is necessary for a person to display anxiety, fear of losing a partner or his or her position in the partnership, which should evoke stress and interfere with function of the jealous person, both people, or partnership."
Invasion of private areas of an individual's processing is a key signs of jealousy, as is the aggressive imposition of humiliating the partner to "get back" for their delusions where they were humiliated which never occurred
"Typical behaviors accompanying delusional jealousy include: multiple accusations about infidelity without sufficient evidence, demands for assertions or imposing of pledging faithfulness, humiliating and controlling partner's behaviors as well as demanding information concerning thoughts, views, and fantasies."
Overvaluation of the delusional idea also includes overreading of the facial expression for "signs" of confirmation. Hyperfixation on sentiment analysis may belie a deeper delusion behind the person hyperfixated.
"The so-called delusional activity comes down to realizing powerfully expressed need of control in form of various ways of manipulating, deceiving, searching for personal belongings, listening in telephone calls, and controlling correspondences. Emotions present at that time such as anger, sorrow, pain humiliation, fear and contradicting desired lead to increasing search for eventual evidence of infidelity, which could not be found, which in turn make neutral behavior acquire characteristics of these evidences."
Insatiability is seen on the jealous, showing extremes of violation to satisfy a delusional possessiveness, all the more disturbing when there is no actual partnership. The insatiability belies the psychotic instantiation
"A greater integrity of partnership, however, this lasts only a certain time. Usually, there comes a moment when a partner is not able to fulfill the expectations of a jealous person because it is infeasible. Attempts at leaving the above described constellation by one of the partners turn into an embers of anxiety, fear and evoke suspicion of disloyalty, to the pathological extent."
Schizophrenia, depression, substance use and OCD are all seen on those with pathological jealousy.
"On the other hand, Singh et al. indicated that the most common diagnoses related to morbid jealousy were schizophrenia (34%), depression (30%) and substance abuse (20%) jealousy with morbid intensity occurred also in bipolar affective disorder (6%) and other mental disorders. 10%-obsessive-compulsive disorder."
Expectation of reward and aggressive dopamine shunting as an irregularity were seen in these brains, linking jealousy to envy circuitry.
In confirmation of this, jealousy showed signs of behaving just like an addiction, trying to get a higher hit. Addiction is not logic, it creates rationalization.
"In respect to women, intensity of jealousy negatively correlated with the length of a relationship, and positively with the intensifying symptoms of an addiction."
False reception of various actions are treated as real, and memories are reinterpreted (and thus reconstructed) as pathological, leading to a strong emotional charge. Basically, reading neutral information wrong as often seen on the jealous leads to the anger that leads to fear of loss, and the stress that creates delusion.
"In delusional disorders focusing on a partner's infidelity, jealous people treat their false reception of various actions as real and intensify it by pathological interpretation of memories which are in turn strengthened by strong emotional charge. By doing this, quasi-logical systems of jealousy are created. They constantly accuse a partner of infidelity and stubbornly attempt to validate their suspicions by delusional activity. Sometimes, "interrogations" can take a form of tortures, and inspections are not limited to checking possessions, but also involve partner himself (including genitalia)."
Delusions of humiliation seem to be psychotic expressions of fear of loss, the fear of having lost while acting like one has not.
"It seems that in the case of people with increased levels of jealousy, situations when they feel moral pain associated with a false conviction that the environment knows about a partner's infidelity, can be especially painful. Situations n which they feel threatened, associate with a possibility of infidelity, disloyalty, embarrassment or humiliation (imaginary or real) weaken their self-control. Most often, there is a chronic situation of mental burden and increasingly growing tension."
Highly suspicious hostility leads to anxiety and negative attitudes towards other people.
"They are highly suspicious, which is expressed by hostility towards the environment, caution towards people, which leads to experiencing anxiety and negative attitudes towards other people."
Emotional-delusional explains a lot of the general type of rationalization, denial, and cart before the horse thinking seen on the jealous person.
"Przybylek at al.[30] drew similar conclusions and stated that in the group of emotional-delusional murderers there are perpetrators who, apart from delusional aspect, are motivated by revenge, feeling of injustice or feelings of insecurity and fear, which additionally weakens their ability to control their actions while committing a crime."
People with delusional jealousy often struggle to see their own jealousy or envy, showing again the denial element of the psychotic behavior witnessed. Lowered level of sense of illness (not admitting they have a problem) is a well known sign of an extremely high risk person for committing violence.
"Usually crimes motivated by jealousy are associated with a chronic psychotic process which is concentrated on a partner, a suspected rival, or other people who 'assist' infidelity. People with delusional jealousy have also a very low level of criticism towards own convictions. A lowered level of illness insight is a well-known factor of aggression risk, which should cause expert witnesses to balanced assessment in terms of the necessity of using security measures."

Hi Mods,
I’m u/SmEllen_Fresh from the product team and I’m here with an (overdue) update on the gold and Contributor Program. We’ve reflected on how we rolled out these features, and want to rethink how we approach rewarding good contributions on Reddit. So, to close the loop on the pilot, we’re sharing some big news: today we’re launching new(ish) and improved awards. Rollout starts today on reddit.com and Reddit’s iOS and Android apps.
I’ll walk you through what’s coming, and how we got here. But first…

Where we’ve been

ICYMI, last year we released new features that we thought would make the experience of rewarding high-quality posts and comments even better. To address feedback that awards were starting to clutter posts and feeds, we replaced legacy awards with a simplified experience where users could purchase “new” gold – displayed as a golden upvote – directly with cash, rather than having to purchase coins first.
While the golden upvote was certainly simpler in theory, in practice, it missed the mark. It wasn’t as fun or expressive as legacy awards, and it was unclear how it benefited the recipient.
As part of the launch of the golden upvote, we also introduced the Contributor Program in the US. The program allows eligible users to earn cash for gold and eligible karma. (It’s worth noting that although there were understandable concerns about the Contributor Program leading to karma farming or other spam and fraud issues, we haven’t seen an increase in this behavior since the rollout 6 months ago). Unlike the golden upvote, interest in the program has grown… more on that in a second.
Finally, as part of this launch, we sunset coins. We gave those with a balance three months to spend their coins before we cleared balances and removed the monthly drip as a benefit of Reddit Premium.

Swing and a miss

Our goal is to make Reddit a place where people who make quality posts and comments get real value for their contributions, and create incentives for better comments and posts to keep your communities healthy and vibrant.
Your feedback has been spot-on throughout the process; here’s what we learned:

• Awards need to be expressive - Awards are a core part of the Reddit experience and should be expressive. If they’re too simple, they stop being fun.
• Awards given should visually support the recipient - The simplified golden upvote design wasn’t as fun or expressive as legacy awards, and it was unclear how it supported the recipient. (Several of you opted into the new golden upvote experience anyway, and your feedback helped us get here. We appreciate that.) Redditors love seeing other redditors get their kudos. It’s important to show the recognition contributors receive, and that their contribution matters.
• Awards given should convey real value to the recipient - The Contributor Program now gives redditors opportunity to get a cash payout as they receive awards on their content.
• But that value didn’t need to come at the cost of existing balances - While we had to sunset coins to implement this, we could’ve done better by our coin holders, i.e. some of the top awarders and award-recipients. Coin balances represented a commitment to rewarding comments and posts that delight fellow redditors. It was frustrating to see that disappear–even with the chance to spend down the balance.
• Eligibility to earn cash shouldn't incentivize spam and karma farming - This is an understandable concern. We have been monitoring the Contributor Program closely and haven’t seen spam, clickbait, and trolling that could attract engagement, arising from this program since the rollout six months ago.

What we’re doing about it

We’re launching a new and improved awards experience. We’re shouting from the rafters: Awards are back! Our goal with this refreshed experience is to bring back the fun of awards while minimizing in-feed clutter. The new experience features iconic expressions you’ll recognize in addition to new, uniquely Reddity ones. We’re also launching a leaderboard that shows the top awards for a post or comment.
To give an award, click the award icon underneath the content you’d like to recognize, select the award you want from a digestible set of fun options, and click Give Award. If you don’t have enough gold for the award, you can buy some on the same screen and give the award. Any redditor can view the awards you give in the awards leaderboard of a post or comment, unless the award is given anonymously.
Tap on the awards button in a post or comment to give an award and purchase gold
View the top awards and gold earned by a post or comment in the awards leaderboard
We’re (re)introducing gold as the way to purchase awards on Reddit. Gold has meant a lot of things in Reddit history. It's referred to coins, Reddit Premium, and more. With the new version of Awards, gold both purchased and received will be stored as a balance on Reddit. Redditors can buy gold in bulk and spend down their balance to award content, or buy gold at the time of giving the award.
We’ve expanded the Contributor Program internationally. We’re expanding beyond the US. Eligible redditors in 35 countries can now earn cash for gold and karma earned through their contributions to the community. While we haven’t seen an increase in spam, fraud, or moderator burden to date, we’ll continue to monitor it as we scale the program to new countries.
We’re helping you keep your communities safe. If redditors notice potentially harmful awards on a post or comment, they can report it to you for removal if needed. Safety is paramount to us for refreshed awards - so please don’t be shy (we know you won’t be) if there are other ways we can ensure safety for your communities as awards roll back out. NSFW subreddits, trauma and addiction support subreddits, and subreddits with mature content are not eligible for awards.
We’re giving exclusive awards to coin holders. If you had a balance when we announced that coins were going away, you’ll have access to a number of exclusive awards to give for free when we launch this week. No action required, those eligible will see a balance of these awards when awarding a post or comment starting May 15.
Exclusive awards available to coin holders
For more info, you can check out the help articles for awards, gold and Contributor Program. Comment with any questions!

TL;DR - Awards are back. We’re also expanding the Contributor Program and announcing a make-good program for those who lost coins during the last product iteration. Let’s start with the obvious – we tried something new, it wasn’t great (you called it). And now – it’s time for us to do something about it. So we’re (re)launching awards, not-so-new but definitely improved. Rollout starts today on reddit.com and Reddit’s iOS and Android apps.

We messed up – sorry

ICYMI, last year we released new features that we thought would make the experience of rewarding high-quality posts and comments even better. To address feedback that awards were starting to clutter posts and feeds, we replaced legacy awards with a simplified experience where redditors could purchase “new” gold – displayed as a golden upvote – directly with cash, rather than having to purchase coins first.
While the golden upvote was certainly simpler in theory, in practice, it missed the mark. It wasn’t as fun or expressive as legacy awards, and it was unclear how it benefited the recipient.
As part of the launch of the golden upvote, we also introduced the Contributor Program in the U.S. The program allows eligible users to earn cash for their contributions, as measured by the gold and karma received. (It’s worth noting that although there were understandable concerns about the Contributor Program leading to karma farming or other spam and fraud issues, we haven’t seen an increase in this behavior since the rollout six months ago.) Unlike the golden upvote, interest in the program has grown… more on that in a second.
Finally, as part of this launch, we sunset coins. We gave those with a balance two months to spend their coins before we cleared balances and removed the monthly drip as a benefit of Reddit Premium.

Award upgrades

We realized the golden upvote was the wrong direction, and the right one was the one you were advocating for all along: awards. We went back to the ol’ drawing board and created a refreshed experience that captures the original spirit of awards, with a few improvements.
Tap on the awards button in a post or comment to give an award and purchase gold
View the top awards and gold earned by a post or comment in the awards leaderboard
We’ve added:

• An award button back underneath eligible posts and comments
• Refreshed designs of some of your favorite awards, and some new ones (shoutout galaxy brain)
• Updated interface designed to minimize clutter on the posts and in your feeds
• An awards leaderboard that shows the top awards and gold earned for a post or comment
• New safety guardrails. Awards are not available in NSFW subreddits, trauma and addiction support subreddits, and subreddits with mature content
• Reporting so you can report any awards that aren’t being used appropriately for moderator removal

Contributor Program expansion

We want redditors who make the most valuable contributions on Reddit to receive real value; not just internet points.
With growing interest in the Contributor Program, we have expanded the program so that qualifying redditors in 35 countries can now earn cash for their contributions to the community. See if you’re eligible to sign up.

The Evolution of Gold and Coins

Gold has been a lot of things in Reddit history. The term has been used interchangeably in the context of awarding content, Reddit Premium, and more – among other things. With this new version of awards, gold can be purchased to give awards. You can buy it in bulk and spend down your gold balance and/or top it up when giving an award.
Those who had a coin balance when we introduced the golden upvote and sunset coins had two months to spend their coins before we cleared balances and removed the monthly drip as a benefit of Reddit Premium. For the most prolific and helpful among you, who’d accumulated heaps of coins a la Scrooge McDuck, this was, shall we say, a not-so-great experience.
We know we did not adequately communicate why we removed coins or what was coming next. It wasn’t cool of us, we’re sorry, and we want to make it right. If we removed your coins balance, you’ll have access to a number of exclusive awards to give for free. We don’t want our past mistakes to get in the way of you enjoying the new experience.
Exclusive awards available to coin holders
This is all so new (but kinda old? but also new?) and you may have questions. You can find support in a few places:

• FAQs pinned in the comments of this post
• What are awards and how do I use them?
• What is gold and how do I use it?
• What is the Contributor Program and how can I participate?

We’ll be hanging around today if you have any questions, so feel free to drop them in the comments.

So before we jump into the story, I’m pretty much going to be as transparent as possible in this, so it’s going to be a pretty big read. I’ll start with a little bit about my past and then a little bit about hers.
I was raised in a traditional household, with traditional values, parents that stayed together and loved unconditionally, and I guess was always comfortable in my childhood. Obviously, everyone has their own traumas, and maybe I have some that I’ve unexplored just because I consider myself unbothered by the past. Which is a mindset that has served me well, I think. I forgive and forget very quickly, and I tend to give second chances. I’m also very firm on how a second chance looks and how typically there isn’t a third. Now for the bad, I was exposed to porn at a very young age. I feel like it’s been an addiction all my life. Up until probably about eight months ago, I was severely addicted to porn. And we all know how it works once vanilla stops giving you the dopamine you used to get, you start to crave crazier and crazier things. Eventually, mine got to enjoying watching other men lust over other men’s women. Obviously, I know how wrong that is, and when I started realizing that I did not have a husband mentality, I started to shift my mindset. I still struggle with it to this day, but I wouldn’t say that I’m addicted anymore.
A little about her: her childhood is the exact opposite. But I would say that we came to the same conclusions on life and how a husband and wife should act in theory. She was raised in a very abusive household, her parents separated at a very young age, and then it was just trauma after trauma after trauma. And that’s not to say that she’s bringing it into the relationship, it’s simply saying what she’s been through. Her mindset of what marriage should look like is exactly like mine. Her mindset of what love should look like, I think, is like mine. She tends to run away for periods of time, never cheats or anything, but just prefers to be alone. Every single one of her relationships, she’s claimed that she has to be the mom in the relationship. This dynamic, the partnership dynamic, was weird for her.
Me and her met in November, and the moment we met, we knew that this was either going to be a relationship where we get married or the one to really break us. Two weeks in, we were discussing marriage as a joke. We loved all the same things, we listened to the same underground artists, we think almost exactly alike when it comes to life. We enjoy the same humor, and I can 100% say she is pretty much me in female form. Please don’t take that in a weird way, but that is how I felt. I’ve always felt like she is my other half. Months into the relationship, we started joking around about OnlyFans, and I’m sorry to say that I let those same thoughts in my head. She would joke around about how much money she would make on it, and I would “joke around” about her making one and that I was okay with it. She didn’t know about my porn addiction at this time. Well, little did I know she was simply going along with it because she thought it made me happy and turned me on. But I know she’s also very, very bold. Well, eventually, I started to focus back on my addiction, which made me treat her like absolute crap. We went through a phase of arguments, I would threaten to end the relationship, and then she would actually do it. I stopped treating her like a husband would treat his wife. After we had a talk, we decided that what we have is too valuable to let go of. So she gave me another chance, and I really took it. I went back to acting like a husband would for her. And it’s not that I was just scared of losing her; this is my character, and this is who I was when I met her, and this is who I’ve been in other relationships. Two weeks go by, and I really realize how much that addiction relapse brought back insecurities. Well, instead of talking to her about it, I decided to try and basically trap her into selling nudes to one of my buddies. Looking back on it all, I understand how toxic that is, but if I was going to give it my all, I didn’t want to give it to somebody who was actually willing to do that. And I get that everything we talked about before was jokes, but she always told me that she’d be willing to sell those pictures for money. And I never knew if it was just to make me happy or if she was serious. I was insecure, and I was scared that I was giving for no reason. But it’s not a reason to do what I did, and I’m not trying to justify it. I should have communicated it with her. The worst part about it was that I lied to her for a couple of weeks that I had no idea who that was on her Snapchat asking her to sell nudes. She was super upset at the principle that I was able to lie to her face for so long. Long story short, we broke up for two weeks. I would chase her for those two weeks, trying to do nice things for her, ordering food and trying to make it up. It was like fishing—when she’s angry at me, I let her run, but when she gave me an opportunity to reel in, I really took it. I didn’t just tell her sorry because I knew it wouldn’t mean anything. I changed my behavior to show her that I trusted her and I am not a liar. I didn’t try to justify my behavior; I only gave her the reasons why I did what I did after we started talking again. During those two weeks, I hadn’t seen any other woman, nor did I have intentions of it. She went on a car ride with her ex because apparently there were unfinished conversations. Now, with this ex in particular, I’m not worried about it. And it’s not me being cocky; I just know that after meeting me and the way she compared both of us, I’m simply not worried about him. What upset me was that he tried to kiss her. Well, he did kiss her until she pushed him off. Either way, I was unbothered by it, but I’ll tell you guys that so you can decide if it’s important or not.
So we started hanging out again as just best friends. I pretty much stayed at her house for two weeks straight after being broken up. We literally were best friends, but I could tell she didn’t trust me. Obviously, she trusted me with her body, still trusted me with pictures of her, and she trusted me in practical ways, but I always felt insecure hanging out with her because of the fact that she might leave again. Well, eventually, she did. We decided to take a two-week break of absolutely zero contact. So keep in mind, this is after another two weeks of absolutely zero arguments, us not talking about the past and just treating each other with ultimate respect and love. But she still felt like she couldn’t give 100%. I never stopped giving 100%, and she fully acknowledges this and understands it. I want you guys to understand that this girl is the nicest, kindest girl I’ve ever met, and I mean that. So I ask that any advice given takes that into account. I know she loves me just as hard as I love her. I leave her house and go home. Of course, I’m very upset because I love so hard, but I do not contact her. 4 AM, I get a call from her just absolutely wasted. She ended up going out with her coworkers, and I’ve never seen her drink like this. She was just as upset as I was. So I don’t want you guys to think that she is heartless. She ends up begging me to come over, and I tell her no and make her wait until the morning. At 8 AM, I’m at her house, and she’s pretty much still wasted. Well, apparently, she ended up kissing another dude at the bar while drunk. She was very straight up about it and would never lie to me. Nothing else happened, but that’s something that did happen. Now, take into account we were broken up with both of these instances. We were NOT together. I don’t know how I feel about that line, but y’all decide. Anyways, that day apparently was a click for her. She wrote me a letter and basically said that she doesn’t want to do this without me. She said that she is willing to work on herself within the relationship rather than single, and that’s my mindset. In a relationship, you are able to work on relationship issues that you cannot work on while single. The same triggers do not apply when you are single. Anyways, so we start basically living together. A month straight, pretty much. I mean, we were out and about again. We were working together, we considered moving in and all, but I could tell that she was not giving me her all. She would tell me multiple times that she doesn’t trust me. She would tell me that she’s my wife, but she just needs time to trust me fully. Eventually, after a month, I had enough of being in this situationship I didn’t feel secure in. So I left one day after telling her that if she can’t give me the same treatment and love she gave me when we first met, then I’m done. I proved I was trustworthy, and I proved I was the husband she was looking for. Either way, I left. We had a conversation about wife mentality vs. girlfriend mentality and what that looks like, which I think really changed her mindset. Now, I will say this: here are where things take a turn. I come back, and she decides to go back to giving 100%. And I could tell—she was the girl I met again. I was skeptical, but I knew she was back. Anyways, five days go by, and I notice a certain person wasn’t on her phone. That same ex I told y’all I was worried about. Well, I was curious because I know that she didn’t want to block him, and this, I think, is because she doesn’t want to hurt people. I STILL RIGHT NOW WHILE TYPING THIS do not think he’s a threat. I actually believe they won’t speak again. Anyways, she tells me that “if he’s not there, he must be blocked,” and I knew that that’s a lie because that’s how I lied to her. She, I guess, rubbed off me, and this is the very first time I caught her in a lie. Come to find out, there was a ten-minute phone call between them, and she sent him “progress workout pictures” that she claimed “she never viewed as sexual” etc. Anyways, this was at like 2 AM, so I get in my car and just storm off. I’m going to make this part short because you probably know where it’s going. She begs me to come back, posts a picture of us on her story, makes it official that we are together, and proves to me that she’s a “damn good wife.” I’m still upset, and a day goes by. That day being two days ago. While we were asleep, I was still upset about everything, and I decided to look at her phone without asking. Bad move, I know. We wake up yesterday morning, and I accuse her of something I saw. I was still upset from the lie, and she storms off to work and was very open that how we handled that conversation was toxic. I agreed, and I apologized for even going on her phone. I came to the conclusion that I will never go on her phone again without asking before I went to sleep that night, so it wasn’t under any threat of a relationship ending. She texted me about her thoughts, and then I thought all was fine. She called me while at work and asked about moving into a house together rather than her duplex. By the time she got off work, she said she was done.
She said that “one day I will be your wife, but I can’t do a toxic relationship.” I told her if she leaves now, she will never have the chance of being with me again. I will always be her best friend, but I told her very clearly that I will not be able to trust her through thick and thin. I will not feel secure in any future relationship with her because if things get “toxic” again, and they will because no relationship is perfect, I won’t be able to trust that she’ll be by my side. Should I feel bad for giving her until tonight to make up her mind? Should I be patient?
We love each other so wholeheartedly. We still connect like no one I’ve ever met. She loves me just as much as I love her, and I know she’s just as broken as me with this breakup. In my opinion, her lying to me made her realize that she’s also not perfect, and her reasoning was kinda funny. That’s the relationship we have. I’m over all she did. She WAS over everything I did before I went through her phone, and she wasn’t mad that I went through it; she was upset that the morning convo was toxic. Any advice you give, assume that we really love each other and want to make it work. We have never been in a relationship that we actually consider marriage in. We are still figuring it out, and I just don’t know my move and to her, her only option is ending this.

For those that have read some of my previous posts, I had some dilemmas with a girl I was dating who was on a mission.
I was torn whether to call it off right away, or to just wait and date other people and then get back together with her.
Well, she called it off yesterday. I was actually so happy to hear it because that meant I didn’t have to do any of the “breaking up”. I’m glad it happened because now we can both move on with our lives.
She said that we shouldn’t message each other anymore since “I was going on a path she couldn’t follow”. I tried an edible for the first time and told her about it. She talked to me about how terrified she is I’ll have a bad drug problem and get addicted to drugs and alcohol. Never tried alcohol before. Only done drugs twice in the past 2 years.
It’s weird to thing that LDS members think that doing a “bad” thing once means I will get addicted.
Anyways. I’m glad that part of my life is over. Time to date girls with the same standards and views as I do. Love yall ❤️