I’m am simply writing to leave behind a written record, of my experience of obtaining an “assisted suicide” in Switzerland.
I am 36, and suffering in debilitating pain caused by medications. Specifically Mirtazapine / a.k.a. Remeron. I was prescribed this medication to treat insomnia, insomnia that was caused by a careless doctor who prescribed me Lorazepam / a.k.a. Ativan (a benzodiazepine). I was told to take the Benzo 3x a day every day along side a list of other medications for GERD and an “over active gallbladder”. At that time I did not know what a Benzo was, and took it as prescribed… in just 3 short weeks I developed “benzo withdrawals”, and with help from another doctor, I was quickly tapered off of Lorazepam. During my benzo withdrawals, i suffered severely from chest burning anxiety / panic, which, I had never had anxiety before, in fact, I was otherwise healthy and normal before this careless doctor prescribed me psychotropic medications, and this “anxiety” was like nothing I had ever felt before. It also impacted my sleep, and caused me debilitating insomnia… truly exhausted, but unable to sleep at all, just laying their with my eyes closed every night, wide awake, every night, for months.
So with the help from another doctor, I was prescribed Trazadone and Seroquel to combat the Benzo Insomnia. Neither helped. Then he prescribed me Mirtazapine. Once again, a doctor with no knowledge of how harmful psychotropic medications truly are, carelessly prescribed me Mirtazapine and in my desperation for sleep, I took it, believing I could “tapper off it” … it’s truly the worst drug on the planet, it immediately caused me Antidepressant Discontinuation Syndrome. If anyone has ever cold turkey stopped an SSRI, and suffered from the pain that causes, imagine what a Tricyclic does…. It’s pure fucking hell. Unbearable pain, nausea, abdominal pain, full body tension and pain, tinnitus (ears ringing), insomnia, IBS, the list is long.
I attempted a taper plan with my doctor to get off Mirtazapine. And it immediately made things exponentially worse. I spent weeks curled up on the floor screaming in pain. Which then lead me to a Mirtazapine Support group on Facebook called “Mirtazapine: Support, Withdrawal, Recovery”. That group is extensively informed about this drug, and long story short, doctors do not have a clue about the harm psychotropic medications do, nor the long term damage they cause.
I’ve spent 7 months in agonizing pain, pure hell. Unable to kill my self, too scared to do it. So I sought out “medical aid in dying”. Which then lead me to the only country that offers this service to foreigners, who suffer from debilitating pain and not just a terminal disease.
My journey to Pegasos started in February 2024. I applied on their website, and somehow stumbled onto Exit International’s website. So, I hired Exit international to help me with my application process to Pegasos. A long few weeks later I was told by Exit International that I was given the “provisional green light”, and my scheduled “VAD” is to be May 23rd. These last couple months have been the LONGEST months of my life.
Exit International has been my go between from Pegasos to myself. Exit has sent me instructions on what documents to bring with me, where / what hotel to stay at when I arrive, and what to expect while I am there.
My VAD is scheduled for May 23rd, 2024. My pain and suffering will be over in just a few short days. I can not lie, I am nervous, and the thought of dying gives me anxiety out the ass… I may chicken out when I get there, may not “pull the trigger”, and simply come home to suffer unimaginably in unbearable pain for the rest of my natural life… I mean I have endured this pain for months now, and I have found comfort in reading books and going outside for walks through nature….
But regardless, I arrive in Switzerland Monday the 20th, after a horribly long flight (I hate flying, and the thought of being in a metal tube while I’m suffering in pain, for 13 hours, has given me the worst anxiety). The hotel I’m staying at is beautiful, with a top notch bar and restaurant in the lobby. I’ll be drunk for the majority of my time there, liquid courage to face the end….
My death is meaningless. My life was pointless. My doctor(s) have said the pain I’m experiencing from these medications is not possible, I’m an “outlier”. Meaning, the American Medical community says my pain and suffering doesn’t matter, that these medications will stay on the market, will continue to be given to new patients, for them to find themselves suffering as I have. - don’t take my word for it, a simple search on Facebook for support groups for these medications will reveale thousands upon thousands of other victims suffering as I am. Psychotropic medications do cause severe damage, most of it permanent, and the medical community has turned a blind eye to it.
So, to escape the hell I find my self in, I’m choosing to end my life, painlessly and peacefully in a far away land, in a very unfamiliar part of the world. I wish there was another way, but I’ve done the research, I’ve read the Med Pubs, the published research about these medications… it’s documented, the damage these medications do, with no hope of recovery. There is NO medical guidelines on prescribing psychotropic medications, there is NO guidance on how to get people off these medications, there NO such thing as “tapper plans” for ANY psychotropic medications. It is FACT that these medications cause serious harm, and it is FACT that these medications serve no purpose.
My life mattered to my friends and family. But not to Big Pharma. To them, I’m just another sucker that they got trapped on another psychotropic medication. And to my doctor(s), I’m just another pay check, forced to come back to them to get another prescription for a drug that has and is causing me pain, unable to quit it because that result is truly hell on earth. And to escape this hell, I must forfeit my life.
I never believed in conspiracy theories. But Big Pharma, I’ve experienced it first hand, it cost me my life. I was normal, sane, healthy, and happy before I went to a doctor to complain about some abdominal pain, where he then said “you have generalized anxiety” and told me to take Lorazepam 3x a day everyday. Which set off a cascade of failures, and more prescriptions to combat the effects of other medications. And has ended with causing me unbearable pain and suffering. Thank God the Swiss have “death rights”. My suffering will be over soon.
If a doctor or psychiatrist ever tells you “you need” an antidepressant or another psychotropic medication, please do not take it. Search for natural ways to cope with your sadness or “anxiety”. Because there are a lot more people like me who were harmed, permanently damaged, suffering in unbearable pain caused by these medications than you’ll ever know. “Legal” drugs are NEVER the answer
*if you have questions about the Pegasos application, I will do my best to answer them before I’m gone. But it’s fairly straightforward process. I would highly recommend hiring Exit International with your application process, it made mine go through quickly and smoothly. *I also was approved by Dignitas, but their process is long and arduous. 3x as much paperwork as Pegasos. And even more paperwork after you’re approved before meeting with their doctors.

The Psychiatric Drug-Induced Suicide of Robin Williams - Two Years Later by Gary G. Kohls, MD FEBRUARY 10, 2020
55 years ago (July 2, 1961) an American literary icon, Ernest Hemingway, committed suicide at his beloved vacation retreat in Ketchum, Idaho. He had just flown to Ketchum after being discharged from a psychiatric ward at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN where he had received a series of electroconvulsive “treatments” (ECT) for a life-long depression that had started after he had experienced the horrors of World War I. In the “War To End All Wars” he had been a non-combatant ambulance driver and stretcher-bearer.
One of Hemingway’s wartime duties was to retrieve the mutilated bodies of living and dead humans and the body parts of the dead ones from the Italian sector of the WWI battle zone. In more modern times his MOS (military occupational specialty)might have been called Grave’s Registration, a job that - in the Vietnam War - had one of the highest incidences of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that arose in that war’s aftermath.
Hemingway, just like many of the combat-induced PTSD victims of every war, was likely haunted for the rest of his life by the horrific images of the wounded and dead, so there was no question that he had what was later to be understood as combat-induced PTSD with depression, panic attacks, nightmares, auditory and/or visual hallucinations and insomnia.
Unfortunately for Papa, the psychiatrists at the Mayo Clinic were unaware of the reality of the PTSD phenomenon. They mistakenly thought that he had a mental illness (depression) of unknown etiology. (The diagnosis of PTSD wasn’t validated by the American Psychiatric Association as a Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) diagnosis until 1980.)
Hemingway, a legendary chronic alcoholic who consumed large volumes of hard liquor daily, had also been wounded by shrapnel in WWI so he probably also had physical pain issues. Therefore, like many other soldier-victims of combat-induced PTSD he used alcohol to self-medicate his physical pain as well as his psychic pain, anxiety, insomnia, nightmares, failed marriages and the financial stresses related to the alimony payments to his ex-wives.
Following his Mayo Clinic misadventure, Hemingway rapidly came to understand that his latest ECT “treatments” had erased his memory and creativity, and, because those realities were essential for him to continue his writing career and feeling that he no longer had a reason for living - ended his life. There is no record of what psychiatric drugs he had been prescribed over the years, but ECT is typically only attempted after all psychiatric drug options had failed.
The Parallel Paths of Artistic Geniuses Like Hemingway and Williams (and Michael Jackson and Prince)
53 years after Hemingway’s self-inflicted death, another American icon, actor and comedian Robin Williams, entered the Hazelden psychiatric facility and addiction treatment center - also in my home state of Minnesota. He was treated with a cocktail of (undisclosed) psychiatric drugs for a month and, shortly after his discharge, committed suicide by hanging (August 11, 2014) at his California home. The cocktail of brain-altering drugs surely was a major factor in his becoming increasingly depressed, losing appetite, losing weight and withdrawing from his loved ones.
His discharge medications, which included the so-called “antidepressant” drug mirtazapine (Remeron – which is well-known to increase the risk of suicidal thinking), the so-called anti-psychotic drug Seroquel (probably prescribed off-label for his insomnia) plus an unknown anti-Parkinsonian drug caused him to be somnolent, despondent, despairing and increasingly depressed.
Remeron, it should be emphasized, is well-known to cause suicidal thinking (and attempted suicide) and carries the Food and Drug Administration’s “Black box” warning for suicidality. After he returned home, he was said to have slept in his darkened bedroom, up to 20 hours a day, in a probably drug-induced stupor.
Remeron, it is helpful to remind readers, was one of the two psych meds (the other was the anti-psychotic drug Haldol) that the infamous Andrea Yates was taking before she irrationally drowned her five children - including her 6-month-old baby Mary - in the family bathtub. The devoutly religious Texas mother was convicted of first degree murder and sentenced to life imprisonment but – at re-trial – had her conviction changed to “not guilty by reason of insanity” (rather than “not guilty by reason of the intoxicating, insanity-inducing and homicidal effects of psychiatric medications!”). She is now spending the rest of her life in a psychiatric facility, no longer a threat to children.
Robin Williams was said to have been diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease while at Hazelden. The symptoms of Parkinson’s Disease are well known to be caused by antipsychotic drugs such as Seroquel. Children who have been given anti-psychotic drugs (most commonly foster care children) are now coming down with Parkinson’s Disease at an early age, an illness totally unheard of prior to the formation of the subspecialty of Pediatric Psychiatry.
The Secrets of NIMH (and Hazelden)
30 years ago or so a cartoon movie was released about lab rats that were trying to escape extermination by the National Institute of Mental Health. The movie was titled “The Secret of NIMH”. I tried to watch it a few years ago and was disappointed to discover that it really didn’t expose any of the real secrets of NIMH, its American Psychiatric Association foundations or the psychopharmaceutical industry’s unholy alliance with NIMH. I understand that a remake of the film is planned. I hope some of the real secrets will be revealed in the new film.
Robin Williams left no suicide note, and so far Hazelden is mum on what happened behind closed doors during that fateful – and failed – month-long stay.
“What Brain-Altering Drugs was Williams or Michael Jackson or Prince On?”
Williams’ legendary cocaine and amphetamine use are certainly factors to consider as contributing causes for his suicide, for such drugs are notoriously toxic to mitochondria and brain cells. What is also deserving of consideration is the fact that when patients abruptly quit taking an antipsychotic drug, withdrawal symptoms can occur - even if the drug was first prescribed for non-psychotic issues like insomnia. Those withdrawal symptoms can include irrational thinking, loss of impulse control, psychoses, hallucinations, insomnia and mania, any of which can lead a physician to falsely diagnose “schizophrenia” or “bipolar disorder” or any number of mental disorders “of unknown cause”.
Some of Williams’ closest friends are logically wondering about what was the effect of the newly prescribed drugs that may have motivated Williams to so illogically kill himself. Hollywood journalists swarmed all over the tragic event two years ago, but characteristically avoided even speculating about the possibility of psychiatric drug-induced suicide, the most logical explanation for the series of events, especially for any thinking person who knows anything about the connections between psychiatric prescription drugs and suidicality, homicidality, aggression, violence, dementia, and irrational thinking and actions (whether while taking the drugs or withdrawing from them).
Such informed people have already asked themselves the question: “I wonder what psych drugs Robin (or Hemingway or Michael Jackson or Prince) was taking?” Tragically, the media has been totally unhelpful in discussing that important question or in offering any answers to the question. Iatrogenic (doctor-caused or prescription drug-induced) causes of morbidity and mortality are apparently not to be discussed in polite company.
It is important to point out that a bottle of Seroquel with 8 pills missing was found in Williams’ bedroom and drug toxicity testing revealed Remeron in Williams’ bloodstream at autopsy. The coroner emphasized that the dose of the legally-prescribed drug was at “therapeutic levels”, which is, of course, totally unhelpful information, given the fact that the undesired effects of a drug have no correlation to dosage.
The Taboo Reality of Iatrogenesis: Psych Drugs Can Cause Suicidality
There have been millions of words written about how much everybody was shocked by Williams’ suicide. There have been thousands of flowers placed at any number of temporary shrines “honoring” his legacy. There have been thousands of comments on the internet from amateur arm-chair psychologists spouting obsolete clichés about suicide, mental illness, drug abuse, alcoholism, cocaine addiction, and how wonderful psychoactive prescription drugs have been.
And there have been hundreds of dis-informational essays and website commentaries written by professional arm-chair psychiatrists who have financial or career conflicts of interest with Big Pharma, Big Psychiatry, Big Medicine, Big Vaccine and the rehab industries. Most of those commentaries distract readers from making the connections between suicidality and psych drugs. Some of the comments I have read have preemptively tried to discredit those who are publicly making those connections.
Whenever unexpected suicides or accidental drug overdose deaths occur among heavily drugged-up military veterans, active duty soldiers, Hollywood celebrities or other groups of individuals, I search the media – usually in vain - for information that identifies the drugs that are usually involved in such cases. But revealing the drug names, dosages, length of usage or who prescribed them seems to be a taboo subject. One has to read between the lines or wait until the information gets revealed at www.ssristories.org(a Big Pharma-exposing whistle-blowing website that should be mandatory reading for everybody who prescribes or consumes psychiatric drugs).
Patient confidentiality is usually the reason given for the cover-ups – and why important potentially teachable moments about these iatrogenic (drug-induced or vaccine-induced) tragedies are averted.
Big Pharma, the AMA, the APA, the AAP, the AAFP, the CDC, the FDA, the NIH, the NIMH, Wall Street and most of the patient or disease advocacy groups that sponsor the annual fund-raising “searches for the cure” events all understand that the hidden epidemic of iatrogenic illnesses must be covered-up. And, simultaneously, the altruistic whistle-blowers among us will be black-listed, denigrated, labeled as nuisance conspiracy theorists or even criminalized.
The well-funded corporate entities mentioned above also know how useful it is if patients (rather than the system) are blamed for causing their own health problems. Typical examples include: “you eat too much”, “you don’t exercise enough”, “you smoke too much”, “you don’t eat right”, “your family history is bad”, “you don’t take your meds correctly”, “you don’t come in for your screening tests/routine exams often enough”, “you don’t get all the vaccinations like you are told to do”, etc).
Highly unlikely “genetic” causes are energetically promoted as preferable root causes of totally preventable iatrogenic illnesses (because inherited disorders are not preventable and are also essentially untreatable). This reality ensures that researchers can annually demand billions of dollars for research while at the same time short-changing and discrediting simple, cheap, do-it-yourself preventive efforts that don’t need a doctor.
The confidence of the American public in Big Pharma’s drug and vaccine promotions must not be disturbed. Wall Street’s rigged stock market does not permit the publication of any information that could destroy investor confidence in the pharmaceutical or vaccine corporation’s highly profitable products, even if the (corporate pseudo-)science behind the drugs and vaccines is bogus and the unaffordable products are also dangerous.
The beauty of an unbiased public inquest, which I advocated for in this column two years ago, should have been done in the case of Robin Williams and all the school shooters, is the subpoena power of a grand jury to open up the previously secretive medical records and enforce testimony from Williams’ psychiatric treatment team. The public could finally hear information that could make comprehensible the mysterious death of yet another high-profile suicide victim - and start the process of actually de-mystifying America’s suicide and violence epidemics.
An inquest would likely reveal that Robin Williams did not have a “mental illness of unknown cause” or “bipolar disorder of unknown cause” or “depression of unknown cause” or “suicidality of unknown cause”.
An inquest would obtain testimony from feared whistle-blower experts in the fields of medicine, psychiatry and psychopharmaceuticals such as Peter Breggin, MD, Joseph Glenmullen, MD, Grace Jackson, MD, David Healey, MD, Russell Blaylock, MD, Fred Baughman, MD and other well-informed medical specialists who don’t own stock in Big Pharma corporations and who know very well how dangerous their drugs can be.
Robin Williams did not have a Mental Illness of Unknown Etiology
Just knowing a little about the life and times of Robin Williams and others on the long list of celebrity victims of psychiatric drugs (like Michael Jackson and Prince both of whom “died too soon”) would easily disprove most of the unscientific theories about their deaths that have widely published online.
Why did many of us psych drug sceptics and psychiatric survivors want an inquest in Robin Williams’ suicide? We wanted to know the names of the ingredients in the cocktail of drugs that had been tried on him (and the dosages and length of time they were taken). We wanted to know what side effects he had from the drugs and what his responses were. We wanted to know what was the reasoning behind the decision to prescribe unproven combinations of powerful drugs on someone whose brain was already compromised by the past use of known illegal brain-damaging drugs.
And we wanted to know, for the sake of past and future victims of these neurotoxic substances, if the prescribing practitioners informed Williams about the dangers of those treatments, particularly the black box suicide warnings for Remeron.
Stress-induced and Drug-induced Mental Ill Health Doesn’t Mean One is Mentally Ill
Robin Williams gained fame and fortune as a comic actor, starting with what was to become his trade mark manic acting style (stimulant drug-induced mania?) on “Mork and Mindy”. As have many other famous persons that attained sudden fame and fortune, Williams spent his millions lavishly and – in retrospect – often foolishly. After his third marriage he found that he could no longer afford his Hollywood lifestyle.
But long before his two divorces and the serious financial difficulties caused him to decompensate and again fall off the sobriety wagon, Robin Williams had lived in the fast lane, working long exhausting days and weeks and partying long exhausting nights with the help of stimulant drugs like the dependency-inducing drug cocaine (that overcomes sleepiness and fatigue) and artificial sleep-inducing tranquilizers whose mechanism of action resembles long-acting alcohol. Sedative drugs artificially counter the drug-induced mania and drug-induced insomnia that predictably results from psycho-stimulants like cocaine, nicotine, caffeine, Ritalin, Strattera, Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Celexa, Wellbutrin, Provigil, amphetamines, etc, etc).
Williams had acknowledged that he was addicted to both cocaine and alcohol when his famous comedian buddy John Belushi died of an accidental drug overdose shortly after they had snorted cocaine together (March 4, 1962). Shortly after Belushi’s overdose death, Williams quit both drugs cold turkey, and he remained sober and cocaine-free for the next 20 years. There is no public information about his use of addictive prescription drugs, but it is well-known that many Hollywood personalities like him have close relationships with both prescription-writing physicians and illicit drug pushers, many of whom make house calls.
However, Williams relapsed in 2006 and started abusing drugs and alcohol again, eventually being admitted to a Hazelden drug rehab facility in Oregon. After “taking the cure” he continued his exhausting career making movies, doing comedy tours and engaging in personal appearances in order to “pay the bills and support my family”.
After two expensive divorces, huge indebtedness and an impending bankruptcy, Williams was forced, in September of 2013, to sell both his $35,000,000 home and his even more expensive 600-acre ranch in Napa Valley. He moved into a more modest, more affordable home in the San Francisco area, where he lived until his death.
But despite solving his near-bankruptcy situation (which would make any sane person temporarily and deeply sad), Williams continued having a hard time paying his bills – especially his alimony payments, so he was forced to go back to making movies (which he despised doing because of the rigorous schedule and being away from his family for extended periods of time). And he hated the fact that he was being financially forced to sign a contract to do a “Mrs. Doubtfire” sequel later in 2014.
For regular income, he took a job doing a TV comedy series called “The Crazy Ones”, but the pressures of working so hard got him drinking again, even using alcohol on the set, which he had never done before. He was making $165,000 per episode and was counting on continuing the series beyond the first season in order to have a steady income.
So when CBS cancelled the show in May 2014, humiliation, sadness, anxiety and insomnia naturally set in, and he decided to go for professional help at the Minnesota Hazelden addiction facility, spending the month of July 2014 as an patient there.
The public deserves to know what really happened inside that facility.
We certainly deserve to know the full story. There are many painful lessons that can be learned. Those who think that we can’t handle the truth are wrong.
The psychiatric drug-taking public deserves to know what were the offending drugs that contributed to his pain, anguish, sadness, nervousness, insomnia, sleep deprivation, hopelessness and the seemingly irrational decision to kill himself.
And the family, friends and fans of Robin Williams certainly deserve to know the essential facts of the case which, if not revealed to us, will otherwise just result in a blind continuation of America’s “mysterious” iatrogenic suicide, violence and dementia epidemics. Ignorance of the well-hidden truths will just allow the continuation of Big Pharma’s ill-gotten gains and its deception of the medical profession and their patients for so long - and destroying the memory, creativity, brains and lives of millions of patients simultaneously.
For more information on the above very serious issues, check out these websites: www.ssristories.com, www.madinamerica.com, http://rxisk.org/www.mindfreedom.org, www.breggin.com,www.cchrint.org, www.drugawareness.org, www.psychrights.org, www.quitpaxil.org, www.endofshock.com.
Appendix A
The Powers-That-Be That Would Keep Us Ignorant
Big Pharma, the AMA, the APA, the AAP, the AAFP, the CDC, the FDA, the NIH, the NIMH, Wall Street and most of the patient or disease advocacy groups that sponsor the annual fund-raising and very futile “searches for the cure” all understand that the hidden epidemic of iatrogenic illnesses must be de-emphasized. And, simultaneously, the altruistic whistle-blowers among us will be black-listed, denigrated and labeled as nuisance conspiracy theorists.
https://freepress.org/article/psychiatric-drug-induced-suicide-robin-williams-two-years-later?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR1AyLy3MJ8Tp2DTwc_c4G5DyQ1InTevjbzhmN5SiIb1CTv4neZIUTFdNoM_aem_AYJChMg0jV8OZPvcXTWQj6v6bU68PWGBdCO3saO27D9LaXhPIsUf8Mxnk2iAnypzxC-CDHI9t1jx9PG7e5KMkZO-

I had a psychotic/manic episode brought on by taking Straterra for ADHD. I had no history of full-blown psychosis, but I did tell someone at intake I had a weird self-resolving delusional episode back when I was in college about being replaced by aliens that didn't do much functional harm in my life. I still went to class, did my homework, etc. They put me down as having a "history of psychosis" anyway.
I smoked weed wile taking Strattera regularly since I had chronic pain (resolved with Humeria) and NAFLD so I couldn't take classic pain meds, and I live in a legal state. I had some hypomania when I needed to stop smoking to get dental work. My episode happened when I had gone a whole week without it and I thought I would be good once I got more. I know now that I should have stopped taking it, but I had bad side effects going on it and I didn't want to experience that again and I really wanted to keep taking it. Once I was on it for a month it worked really well for me and I was finally able to make myself work on my art portfolio and try to get a real art job. I thought I was finally going to get my life together...
I got really worked up at the main hospital and I requested a benzodiazepine. It was too much for me, I had never had one in my life, and I signed papers when I was still out of it. I knew the local mental hospital was bad, I was just hoping "it wasn't that one." It is the only one in the area that takes my insurance, so I went there.
When I arrived and sobered up, I already didn't want to be there. Then I got the delusion that I had dreamed about the place because I was having psychosis deja-vu, and there was going to be a mass shooting by nazis, starting with me. I thought they would falsely accuse me of being a pedophile and execute me. I believe this is related to the political situation in the US and how queer and trans people are being talked about, my moral and harm OCD, and an interaction I had with a person online during this episode. I thought I was going to be killed because during my mania I took on a project of "trying to find the dark money controlling the supreme court", I thought something big was going to go down, the mental hospital was in on it. I straight up thought I was going to be assassinated, both in character and literally.
I was already experiencing the "crash" of a manic episode the next morning. I slept a lot. I slept so much they decided to skip my whole fucking evaluation. I had also been given a large white round pill, I don't know what it was and I was suspicious of it, I thought it made me sleep. Later, even though I hadn't been evaluated, the psychiatrist passed me in the hallway and handed me some Seroquel. I was like "What's this?" He said, "An antipsychotic." And I just shrugged and took it because I thought they would force me to take it.
That happened just after they overheard me talking to another patient who agreed there was a conspiracy about me and all of a sudden they fucking grabbed her and gave her a sedation shot. It was fucking confusing and scary, and it made me even more suspicious that something was going on and I was about to be a victim of a conspiracy. And I do, on some rational sober level, believe the government interferes with the lives of left-wing political radicals, sewn discord in today's political movements, and it has killed important people. But I know now I was never important enough to destroy, and I don't think they would go that far. I thought an algorithm put a red flag on me for "my potential". I'm just an unemployed artist with ADHD and autism, what was I really gonna do? lmao
But it was completely the wrong medication for me and my situation. The edge of my vision started to flicker, everything became more vivid. I was more anxious. I've done a small amount of shrooms before, and it felt like being on shrooms, but less fun and without the high feeling. I ended up retreating to my room. I thought I was being drugged so they could keep me there and kill me. Like I said before, I was coming down from mania before I was given antipsychotics and I think the antipsychotics just made me worse because I don't have schizophrenia and I probably don't even have bipolar disorder.
At some point, I learned the psychiatrist "Just got here", as in he was just hired. Once again, I grew more suspicious. I was still delusional and thinking the government/right wingers were trying to kill me. I tried to find him later to tell him he fucked me up, and it turns out he was just a temp.
I was talking to other patients too. Someone with similar political leanings to me was also there, also highly suspicious of the mental hospital. This guy had told me something like "I'm anti-fascist too, I've been fighting Russians through the internet." That was really bad, I think us interacting and sharing what was happening to us pushed both of us further into our delusions. He was very suspicious of the psychiatrist and tbh, the psychiatrist sounded like an asshole and I got bad vibes from him. The psychiatrist has bad reviews, I looked him up when I got home.
I didn't really tell anyone about the fear that I would be killed because I thought they would think I actually was a pedophile or something. The staff picked up that I was suspicious, but that's it. My outward behavior wasn't too strange or unheard of in a mental hospital. A lot of stuff lead up to this, I was scammed in the middle of my mania and that person drove me further into psychosis. They were highly manipulative, I think back on it and I think that person was evil or using a ChatGPT bot programmed to do what it did to me.
I didn't have a therapist to talk to about this. No confidential source I could trust. I didn't have the time to explain all that happened to the psychiatrist because he couldn't even spend 10 minutes with me. There was group therapy, but I wasn't allowed to attended because I was "too psychotic" (they had a woman who was talking about reading to aliens and shit in there and yet I wasn't allowed to go. I wasn't hearing voices or hallucinating, except when they gave me Seroquel.)
This place was horrifically understaffed. I don't think there were enough nurses either. I figured out you could sort of talk to nurses as therapists, but I learned that too late and I did not get the help I actually needed. Just pills and group activities. When I finally was allowed into group therapy, it was a joke and I couldn't share what I needed to share because it was private.
Because I was still afraid of being killed in the mental hospital, I told the guy I mentioned earlier. He said he was being given invega sustenna because he expressed that he wanted to go home so often. I decided to opt for that as well, I was just so scared. I knew the medication was dangerous when they had me sign papers for it, but I did it anyway because I wanted to live.
NEVER EVER TAKE THIS SHOT UNLESS NOTHING ELSE WORKS FOR YOUR SCHITZOPHERNIA OR SCHITZOAFFECTIVE DISORDER. It made me feel lobotomized and I'm still not sure if I'll ever get my personality back. It has been almost a year. I ended up taking Prozac to help cope with the OCD flare-up it caused because I was afraid of destroying a friendship (friendship is fine now). Prozac didn't work out, I ended up having another episode and had to quit cold turkey. Now I have PSSD and I have no idea when what I lost to antipsychotics and and SSRI will ever come back. I never had anhedonia in my life, but I sure do have it now. My emotions are like 10% of what they were and my sexuality and sensation overall is 25% of what it was. I get "windows and waves" of fluctuating symptoms, which is a sign of recovery. I think that if I had a therapist, I would just gotten through my hospital stay, and have been on risperdone for a few months and come off of it just fine with none of the weird brain chemical fuckery this all too heavy antipsychotic did. It was irresponsible to give it to me by request, I have no idea why they went through with it. I lost myself that day.
I'm wondering if anyone else had this sort of experience where they couldn't get a therapist in the sort of place that absolutely should have therapists and got seriously hurt by the experience. I can't be alone in this. I don't know how they can just expect people to get better on pills alone. I don't know how they can make good decisions without knowing enough about a person and their situation. I couldn't fit mine in within 10 minutes.
Have you ever been to an understaffed mental hospital? Did you ever need therapy there but couldn't get it?

The Rise of Open Source Intelligence

While people often think of open source intelligence as being the ability to gather information about people, is goes far beyond that. Not only is OSINT a source of information, it can also be turned the other direction into an informational weapon or informational defense.
The OSINT battlefield looks, approximately, like this:
https://i.imgur.com/uqhEcNg.png
Organizations in the business of information warfare see these realms, not just as a source of information, but each as targets in which to poison their enemies with disinformation and misinformation; and to protect secrets in a world where secrecy is a force multiplier in the war for power.
https://imgur.com/X4Ef51R.png
https://i.imgur.com/1e69qMb.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/wcpJxch.jpg
The reason that freedom of press was so important to the United States is because it was supposed to act as part of checks and balances with government. The press was supposed to empower people and help preserve freedom. For this reason, the press is not just heavily infiltrated; it is entirely infiltrated and most people are aware of this, though generally not to the full extent.
https://i.imgur.com/fs9GCCC.jpg
Basic OSINT proves that the news is completely compromised by overlapping interests of government and large corporations. It doesn't take more than a little scratching of the surface of any major news story to start catching lies and uncovering conflicts of interest.
One way to expose bad actors is by merely talking about subjects they don't like and waiting to see who comes along to censor or derail your discussion.
https://i.imgur.com/QtshkCS.png
The ability to automate conversations greatly increases the opportunity to draw out censors and agenda driven Internet users. This automated method is what has allowed me to uncover a great deal of issues the official mainstream narratives go to great lengths to cover up.
By drawing out bad actors, modern OSINT techniques provide the opportunity to be able to witness and trace conspirators against liberty. It is possible to trace the web of slime to expose the dark side of the modern media.
It only takes about 6 companies, which all have mutual shareholders to control all of the media put in front of you.
https://i.imgur.com/fUVZw7w.png
All these companies have to do, to influence people, is keep a handful of people "on message" to keep many other people "in line."
https://i.imgur.com/85Wiivl.png
Modern OSINT techniques allow the average person to have a glimpse through the window that shows these people are not smarter or better, in any way. The only reason anyone pays any attention to them is because they are constantly put in front of your face.
The truth is that most famous people barely have a middle school education. Justin Bieber didn't even know what "German" was while doing an interview in New Zealand.
When you peel back the layers of make up and take away the curated scripts, what reveals itself is a dark force that once emanated only from the greed and lust for power of evil people, but has evolved to include an automated machination that is growing before our eyes; a digital cancer upon human success, intellect and quality of life.
https://i.imgur.com/1rb1R9L.png

The Great Conspiracy

https://i.imgur.com/hlGVGOb.png
The Great Conspiracy is not that hard to understand. As you'd expect, it stems from greedy, undeserving individuals who assert creeping authoritarianism to steal from the people of the world; your money, your quality of life, your very destiny.
There is a great web of slime that is being used to guide you and your communities into acting against your own self-interests for the benefit of greedy, undeserving usurpers of natural law.
You are the target. You have already been manipulated in a lot of invisible ways that you normally would never think about. If you've made it to this presentation, the fact that you have some understanding and are somewhat accepting that human organizations are corruptible and communicate at you from a position of ulterior motives (likely, through no fault of your own and is just due to intellect, disposition and personality), you are on a "side."
https://i.imgur.com/6jIMhKz.png
This variable; this ability to notice covert tactics; this human characteristic is targeted for extermination.
https://imgur.com/9ejXpjG.png
There has been an ongoing war throughout human history between those who want to enslave and those who want to be free; a war that continues to this day and has reached a critical stage, through technology, that seeks to establish a permanent enslavement of the mind of every individual.
https://imgur.com/25v70rz.png
Now that you know you're drafted, certain Internet movements you have fallen into might start to make a lot more sense; efforts to co-opt your "side" are persistent, splintered across many mediums, and ongoing.
https://imgur.com/MPptugt.png

A Newspeak Word: "Conspiracy"

https://i.imgur.com/nTqLAsk.png
Has anyone called you “crazy” for believing something that has a solid amount of evidence behind it? A “conspiracy theorist?” People do that because that is what they are trained to do. It is a shortcut to looking at evidence. When this happens to you, whether you are right or wrong, you have still found that person’s emotional trigger. If you take nothing away from this, my overall advice is that disarming emotional triggers is one of the most important aspects of becoming a real adult. People operate better when they are calm, cool and confident. Emotional resilience is the greatest gift you can give yourself and your children.
https://i.imgur.com/gtoMNl3.png
Take a moment to appreciate how wildly successful the CIA was when it instructed all of its well-placed influence agents in news agencies to paint dissenters as "infatuated with their own conspiracy theories."
https://imgur.com/UUQDHLz.png
Not only is this a knee jerk, "go to" response by billions of people who encounter information they disagree with, the sophistication of neurolinguistic programming techniques have instilled, in most people, that the word "conspiracy", somehow, has something to do with aliens, bigfoot, and other topics that are more properly considered "mysteries".
https://i.imgur.com/QkZFoVQ.png
For this reason, it is always important to remind people that, by definition, a conspiracy is the agreement by two or more persons to commit a crime.
https://i.imgur.com/U7M0uRB.png
Despite pointing this out, responses on the Internet, still, generally engage in a false equivalency where they want you to believe "aliens" and the existence of two or more greedy people with no morals in the same place at the same time. Not only are there many prosecuted criminal conspiracies in the political and corporate realm, there are many unprosecuted criminal conspiracies, as well, operating out in the open, as you read this.
https://imgur.com/gSVNxtN.png
Numerous Examples of Proven Conspiracies:
https://web.archive.org/web/20161215121406/https://www.reddit.com/conspiracy/wiki/locc
The Great Conspiracy is a crime against humanity, with many conspirators, where the people propped up to be your heroes, idols and leaders are actually getting paid off to participate in this systematic oppression and destruction of those on the "side" of freedom.
This war against you is orchestrated, from the top down, upon the human population by an increasingly monolithic intelligence community.
https://i.imgur.com/kl7TXbZ.png
I hope you can suspend your judgment, and wait to decide whether or not you agree with me. Wait until after you have seen what millions of other people have seen, but, infuriatingly, the news won’t cover.
Whatever your political alignment, there is something everyone can agree on; greater transparency of government. If you write one letter or make one phone call to a politician in your life, ask for more transparency. Try not to let confirmation bias cloud your view of politics, which is constantly being manipulated.
https://i.imgur.com/qvXOqAD.png
Imagine if the spying, invasion of privacy tools Big Tech has were turned, not on the average citizen, but for the average citizen, where we all can examine politicians, corporations and bad actors in foreign countries. The technological capability is there.
https://i.imgur.com/d9dMplK.png
Anyone who is half-way decent at Internet research can easily target an average citizen and uncover a great deal about their lives. A government, corporate or political operator has a lot more tools to engage in this type of behavior against you, as an individual or as a group.
https://i.imgur.com/W8U55vy.png
Considering how much corruption is exposed with every leak, where billions are spent on damage control, take a moment to consider if we had the same level of transparency we had with John Podesta, Hillary Clinton or Hunter Biden with all politicians; on any side of the political spectrum, lobbyists and corporations that pay them, and even foreign operatives who interact with our own politicians.
Why would we, as a society, NOT want to keep a close eye on the people we elected to be leaders? There is simply no reason, with the resources available, to not implement a strict oversight and accountability of local, mid-level and high-level government leaders and those tasked with enforcement of the law. The reason the average person has no interest is because their thinking has been steered against their own interests.
https://imgur.com/nS2SgJo.png

The Tavistock Institute of Human Relations

“What will be the ultimate results of the Wellsian program for the High Cabal and for the World?"
“The Wednesday Psychology Club”, later, “The Vienna Psychology Club,” along with “The Coefficients Dining Club”, implemented a theoretical framework for an international group of wartime psychologists and psychiatrists to begin to take over the world; conquistadors in spectacles and vested suits, and fully loyal to an ambitious group of central bankers with their minds set on global domination.
A hybrid government/medical/corporate organization formed along the lines set forth by these early pioneers; The Tavistock Institute of Human Relations.

”At Tavistock Consulting we apply a ‘systems-psychodynamic’ theory of change to our work with organisations.”

https://archive.ph/HF0s6

”During TIHR70, festival dreamers were invited to take part in our daily inquiry to explore what collective meanings we can find from sharing our overnight dreams and what they might tell us about our current shared experiences and understandings.”
Read a report on each day’s Social Dreaming by following the links below:

https://archive.ph/0HUaL
Not only was Tavistock working with allied governments for wartime efforts, they are still involved with actors central on the world stage, today. Note this “Conflict of Interest” statement regarding Bill Gates, the NIH and the Wellcome Trust, which is an arm of Tavistock.
https://i.imgur.com/TKtuMZc.png
Introducing the Wellcome Element
https://archive.ph/joXBF
https://i.imgur.com/p87WFUr.png
The Tavistock Institute of Human Relations has given birth to many organizations and maintains close ties to a lot of corporate, government and NGO groups; being a hybrid of these types of organizations, itself.
https://i.imgur.com/FbPeW11.png
The Anti-Defamation League is an arm of Tavistock, where psychologist Kurt Lewin authored instructions for the organization on a variety of subjects and established a framework to perpetuate a “victim mind set” in those under the influence of the ADL. The ADL’s mother institution was the Tavistock Clinic (now combined with the Tavistock Institute for Human Relations to form the Tavistock Centre) in London.
Created under the direct patronage of His Royal Highness the Duke of Kent, Tavistock was, and is still, today, the leading psychological warfare capability of the British Crown. Its network included outposts in continental Europe, North America, Australia, and Asia, with funding from British oligarchical families, including their American "cousins," such as the Rockefellers and the Mellons.
Under its umbrella were assembled the leading practitioners of psychiatry; but Tavistock, unlike treatment clinics dealing with individual patients, sought the development of methods of mass social control to support British imperial policy. Their leader, Brig. Gen. John Rawlings Rees, called them the advance guard of what he proposed to be an army of psychological shock troops, which, through mind-destroying therapies and drugs, would control world society for their oligarchical masters.
https://i.imgur.com/RlKgsHl.png
John Rawlings Rees

The clinic specialised in the new 'dynamic psychologies' of Sigmund Freud and his followers, and in particular the Object relations theory of Ronald Fairbairn and others. As well as educating others at the clinic, Rees took the DPH in 1920 and MRCP in 1936. Rees was one of the key figures at the original Tavistock Clinic and became its medical director from 1933. He began to make plans to establish an Institute of Medical Psychology, with beds and more opportunities to train people in psychiatric methods, and bought a site in Bloomsbury to build it, but his plans were halted by the outbreak of World War II.

...

The work which occupied most of Rees time during the war was the case of Rudolf Hess. Together with Henry Dicks, a fellow member of the Tavistock Clinic group, Rees was charged with the care of Hitler's Deputy at the secret prison locations where he was held following his capture after landing in Scotland.[5] Over the four-year period from June 1941 to Hess' appearance at the Nuremberg trial, Rees apparently established a relationship with Hess: Hess' diaries record many meetings with Rees, referred to at this time as Colonel Rees, in which Hess accused his captors of attempting to poison, drug, and 'mesmerise' him.

...

At this congress, the World Federation for Mental Health was founded, and Rees was elected as the first president. This organisation is now a non-governmental organisation with formal consultative status at the United Nations.

https://archive.ph/5Z1YO
Some principles of mass persuasion: selected findings of research on the sale of United States war bonds

”Effective programs of mass persuasion must

• 1) change the cognitive structures of individuals;
  
• 2) change the motivational structures of individuals; and
  
• 3) activate new forms of behavior.”
  

https://archive.ph/dduXE
Don't Let That Shadow Touch Them
https://i.imgur.com/XKLMAWz.png
Tavistock fits Edward Bernays' explanation of "an invisible government". Their logo, itself, communicates that it is made up of multiple circles.
https://i.imgur.com/CKcaUaa.png
A good place to start understanding modern mind control is by looking at the origins and impact of the Tavistock Institute of Human Relations, which was tasked by the British government to wield the field of psychology as a weapon of war.
"Systems Psychodynamics" is a weapon upon the population of the world that hides behind psychology jargon and pseudoscience; modern black magic.
Tavistock was preceded by the Coefficients Dining Club, who planned World War I to "cooperatively make the world more efficient." Their minutes are still available, today, in London, where you can see them, yourself. Freud had started his own Wednesday Psychology club and held meetings in Vienna. He was doing this the same time Stalin, Hitler and Trotsky were also in Vienna. These groups would, eventually, congeal into an International Association of Psychologists and expand across the globe.
Vienna Dreaming
https://i.imgur.com/ut7sjji.png
1913: When Hitler, Trotsky, Tito, Freud and Stalin all lived in the same place
https://i.imgur.com/G7zNZOj.png
Coefficients (dining club)
https://i.imgur.com/19nEzEy.png
Coefficients Club: Window on the High Cabal?
https://i.imgur.com/0SjBC2l.png
The Tavistock Institute of Human Relations
https://imgur.com/W8swCJT.png
https://cognitive-liberty.online/wp-content/uploads/Coleman_John_-_The_Tavistock_Institute_of_Human_Relations1.pdf
Before they had a name for PTSD, the Tavistock Institute of Human Relations was involved in studying “shell shock” and the effects of wartime trauma on the individual.
https://imgur.com/pDHp9C8.png
New ideas from Tavistock staff were underpinned not only by psychoanalysis, but also by personal experience, faith, psychology, anthropology and politics:

• the nonconformist Christianity of the founding physicians, of Bion’s background and education, and the Quaker egalitarianism of Rickman and Robertson
  
• the applied Marxism, social anthropology, field theory, and passion for democracy that Trist brought to the post war Tavistock from his time with Lewin in USA in the 1930s
  

https://archive.ph/s0Mvf
"Principles of mass persuasion" evolved into "systems psychodynamics," which is largely based on Wilfred Bion's "basic assumption theory" where your basic assumptions are targeted, manipulated, broken down and then reprogrammed in order to control your decision-making processes (or lack thereof).
Systems Psychodynamics: The Formative Years of an Interdisciplinary Field at the Tavistock Institute
https://i.imgur.com/j1mQja0.png
https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/2c416e8e-98a6-4ceb-aefd-4422d4613e3a/2004-Syst%20Psych-OPUS%20FRAHER-2004.pdf
Principles of mass persuasion are no longer solely the realm of governments and state actors. Large corporate networks have overtaken and surpassed the purview of government and wield this weapon with impunity upon you and everyone else, as well as your government and the institutions you rely on.
https://imgur.com/L4HdV7L.png
Doing All You Can, Brother?
https://i.imgur.com/eliFKZL.png
We Are Fighting For Everyone
https://i.imgur.com/n77tvdM.png
Inflation
https://i.imgur.com/DgLtZIV.png
When you ride ALONE you ride with Hitler
https://i.imgur.com/bQBJaoQ.png
I use Tavistock as a working example to demonstrate what is happening behind the scenes in society, but you should keep in mind that they are far from the only group behaving in this way. Tavistock merely provides the benefit of being well documented and operating “out in the open,” even after all these years. They spend a lot of time learning about what works to build strategies that don’t work; sabotage. Tension centered strategies are now widely used by all propaganda outlets to cause certain groups to be “stuck”, certain groups to split, and synthesize news groups to disempower political or corporate opposition.
https://i.imgur.com/2V5uxz3.png
Don't get too tied up with Tavistock as being the only bad actor, because they are far from the only game in town. Tavistock is simply a good working model of a think tank that employs a lot of basic psychological principles, like self-fulfilling prophecy, social dreaming, and other occult practices that are updated with modern language; and they are very well documented. You can do your own research to verify what I am saying.
https://i.imgur.com/GhCSLo3.png
Tavistock was a forerunner in forming and implementing psychological ideas and principles to explain black magic. The first psychologists were occultists. "Self-fulfilling prophecy" is the psychological term that refers to the individual level of "social dreaming." Since researchers began to stumble on Tavistock, after the election, Wikipedia has removed their social dreaming page and the Internet, at large, has seen the disappearance of a lot other Tavistock documentation, like pieces of their "wartime archives" which aren't even on archive sites, anymore.
The reason you should know about social dreaming is because it is, essentially, a black magic spell, where you say something that isn't true or hasn't happened (while in a group of people) to invoke the principles behind self-fulfilling prophecy. This is how and why "double speak" works and why you see so many "double speak" titles in media. They are, essentially, casting black magic on you because, even if you don't fall for the ploy, you are angered and succumb to negativity to the extent you appear "angry" or "obsessed" so that you can be discredited.
The Social Dreaming Matrix
https://i.imgur.com/6kDRrq8.png
https://www.tavinstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/The-Practice-of-Social-Dreaming-Guiding-Principles.pdf
Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon church, used social dreaming to make people "see" the golden plates with their "mind's eye." So, what Tavistock is doing, is they are studying how to explain this religious and ritual behavior in a psychological way. Again, they aren't the only game in town.
https://i.imgur.com/axub2ft.png
Beyond the new technological wave of human resource management, now being augmented with machine learning, a monopolistic approach now also combines propaganda and neurolinguistic programming at every juncture in your life; at work, while shopping, in the drive thru, while gaming. Technology has made it so that the modern man can't get a moment's peace.
https://i.imgur.com/v5G5Omx.png
A dangerous beast has taken the place of the greedy, undeserving slavers; a new monopolistic, uncaring, invisible force that is now driven by a vast network of machines... a cloud of calculations that are nothing more than thrumming and pulsing electricity. Information warfare is being automated at an alarming rate.
https://i.imgur.com/US4ktoo.png
Every basic human need and every basic human function is targeted for monetization. Additional human behaviors and interactions are being created specifically for the purpose of monetization. When this trend reaches its logical conclusion, everything you do and say will be for the purpose of being exploited for profit by another. The digital enslavement of people is specifically for the purpose of aiding your physical enslavement.
This monopolistic force... this Great Conspiracy... has enslaved your governments in order to aid in enslaving the world down to the individual level. All governments are quickly becoming vassal states to the growing force that is Big Tech.
What this all boils down to is that you, yourself, are exposed to techniques for the purpose of mass persuasion and mind control. You can't really be exposed to mainstream media, movies, music, the Internet, without your synapses being manipulated on a biological level, utilizing the same techniques Tavistock, the CIA and many other groups employ to alter your behavior by manipulating the information in front of you and controlling what goes into your body, as well as how the people around you act and those you look up to.
The majority of Neurolinguistic Programming is basic saturation and repetition to access your neurology without your consent or permission.
https://i.imgur.com/nhSebwJ.png
Neuroscience students, at one point, were given sea slugs to experiment on early in their curriculum. The exercise was to apply a piece of ice to it, briefly, then apply a small electric shock, which caused the sea slug to shrivel.
Despite not having a brain, or even much of a notochord, their 20,000 or so neurons are able to learn the connection between the stimuli, on average, after about 12 shocks. Eventually, it will shrivel just at the touch of the ice.
https://i.imgur.com/ZPyS7op.png
Armed with this information, you can start to glean out how important it is not to allow yourself to be too saturated by certain messaging.
https://i.imgur.com/OjWekE4.png
The good news is that you can start participating in your own neurolinguistic programming and expose yourself to alternative sources of information. The bad news is that your opposition has already thought of this and has created numerous alternative “controlled opposition” resources that use low budget appearances and different points of view as a cover to continue to laying mind traps. Stop and consider that alternative sources of information are compromised for this reason.
https://i.imgur.com/zieayn0.png
The Tavistock Institute: Destroying The World One Lie At A Time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPVxs5YZoc8
Tavistock Policy Seminar: Whiteness – A Problem For Our Time: https://invidious.tiekoetter.com/watch?v=gL2TE_n4Jlo
How much dopamine do you need to feel "normal"?
https://i.imgur.com/HCagpDS.png
How healthy is your brain?
https://i.imgur.com/p3TpbUP.png
How healthy does Tavistock want your brain to be?
https://i.imgur.com/fRS1wfn.png
Tavistock, we have a problem....!

In the past 6 years, The Tavistock Institute has worked with five companies and organisations from different sectors – construction, policing, third sector social care, high tech global and vehicle manufacture – who, surprisingly, all asked for assistance with the same challenge …

https://archive.ph/ADLOi
From Wikipedia:

During the 1950s and 1960s, the Institute carried out a number of signature projects in collaboration with major manufacturing companies including Unilever, the Ahmedabad Manufacturing and Calico Printing Co., Shell, Bayer, and Glacier Metals. They also conducted work for the National Coal Board. Particular focuses included management, women in the workplace, and the adoption (or rejection) of new technologies. Projects on the interaction between people and technology later became known as the sociotechnical approach.
The 1950s also saw the Institute conducting consumer research and exploring attitudes to things as varied as Bovril, fish fingers, coffee and hair.[17]
In the 1960s and 1970s, there was a notable focus on public health organisations such as hospitals. Studies examined a range of aspects of healthcare, from ward management and operating theatres to the organisation of cleaning staff.[18]
More recently, the Institute has conducted work for the European Commission and British government bodies.

https://archive.ph/H684P
Oddly enough, James Alefantis' book store in DC carries copies of Tavistock Institute: Social Engineering the Masses.
https://i.imgur.com/hzt9Y1s.png

With connections to U.S. research institutes, think tanks and the drug industry, the Tavistock has a large reach...

https://archive.ph/hWOtf
Given that these shadowy hybrid organizations are allowed access to restructure your governments, schools, police departments, hospitals, workplaces; I want you to ask yourselves:

How Much Do You Trust The Medical Industrial Complex?

https://i.imgur.com/pjS8SFU.png
Enough to let them be ordered around by Bill Gates (not a doctor) or Tedros Ghebreyesus (doctor of philosophy)?
https://i.imgur.com/D2mzJUi.jpg
Hollywood isn't going to stop them.
https://i.imgur.com/jzq7m1p.png
Anyone who has been paying attention already has a pretty good idea at how far Big Pharma is willing to go to maintain their stranglehold on drug markets, inserting themselves into drug policy, drug enforcement and influence campaigns to better ensure, through regulatory capture and other means, to maintain their control of the markets and profit margins.
Experts warn that 'patient influencers' are being paid by big pharma companies to hawk drugs to US consumers without telling them

experts say that pharmaceutical companies are using small following influencers to carry out direct to consumer marketing

https://archive.ph/TER8W
This subject, alone, is enough for its own book.
https://i.imgur.com/OszYVzE.png
Citizen contacts Maryland Department of Health to find out why they are so keen to push the HPV jab on 11yo children, they cannot provide evidence, so he files a freedom of information request and discovers they've been bribed/lobbied by $91.6 million of washed Big Pharma money to market the vaccine
https://archive.ph/22Kow
Billions are spent on bots employed by Big Pharma.
https://i.imgur.com/VFajyKZ.jpg
Astroturfing money that benefits Big Pharma is coming out of your tax dollars.
Biden’s corrupt use of our money to push vax propaganda
https://archive.ph/SIDoz
When the large corporations, the government, the media and the bots on the Internet all agree, there is cause for concern. And yet, many people, not just blindly fall into these manufactured narratives, many idiots on school boards across America have turned to tyranny and threats against parents for merely questioning these narratives.
https://i.imgur.com/mXvRcJ2.jpg
People have every right to question the kabuki theater.
https://i.imgur.com/O4QArVx.png
The Medical Industrial Complex has become the latest and greatest vector for trampling on people's civil rights.
https://i.imgur.com/sm1TBvQ.jpg

A New Battlefield

Relative to OSINT, ransomware has been responsible for dumping medical intelligence on millions of patients around the world. The news has almost completely buried this story, but you can find traces of it, around. Scripps, Planned Parenthood, New Zealand and Ireland's national health services; their systems (and many others) were compromised by ransomware that dumped their databases publicly.
It was a little-known website and it started with Broward County's local government databases and quickly grew into a global problem. Anyone who was fast enough, watching the dump site (it is now shut down), was able to download huge amounts of medical OSINT.
Along with the Wuhan Institute of Virology, a number of co-conspiring groups were exposed in email/password combination leaks in April of 2020. The information that was exfiltrated (despite many denials to the media) proved that the World Health Organization wants to know a lot of details about your medical systems in order to overwhelm them using information weapons.
Of course, they don't say it quite like that, but studies on how many beds needed to be filled to shut a country down is routinely part of their literature and scenarios are mapped out and practiced where this knowledge is easily weaponized to shut down an entire country.
Exposed in these leaks was an effort by the WHO, along with Tavistock tied groups and the British military where they participated in a practice lockdown in Sierra Leone over a manufactured Ebola scare.
One theory that arose as a result of these leaks was that strains were being digitally created and then attempts to use CRISPR technology to make them real were part of Wuhan's research. My Mandarin is poor, but I am told that nearly all efforts to CRISPR a digital mock up into life almost all failed to reproduce in the wild.
Nearly 25,000 email addresses and passwords allegedly from NIH, WHO, Gates Foundation and others are dumped online
https://archive.is/PzpMq
Your medical systems are now officially part of the global information war.
Almost 50,000 Health Plan Members Affected by Ransomware Attack on Broward County Public Schools
https://archive.ph/oYtWQ
Inside Ireland’s Public Healthcare Ransomware Scare
https://archive.ph/Hl6OR
New Zealand hospital faces second week of disruption after major cyber-attack
https://archive.ph/6WvGH
UHS hit with massive cyberattack as hospitals reportedly divert surgeries, ambulances
https://archive.ph/gDbRi
May cyberattack cost Scripps nearly $113M in lost revenue, more costs
https://archive.ph/NRSpR
There is a global war on for your medical information. These are not random hackers targeting your hospitals and infrastructure. These are state actors. These state actors have successfully exfiltrated your medical data and they dumped it online to cover their tracks.
North Korea has been assigned blame and there was a cell out of Cuba, but some signs have also pointed towards US agencies participating. I hope those are rogue elements, but I'm not holding my breath.
North Korean State-Sponsored Cyber Actors Use Maui Ransomware to Target the Healthcare and Public Health Sector
https://archive.ph/8O3xt
When you begin to look the levers of power within the medical industrial complex, you will notice that it is the same cast of characters at the top, making global decisions. Both Jared Kushner and Hunter Biden involved themselves in "virus intelligence" and the people behind them looked the other way.
https://i.imgur.com/yRc8oIt.png
More and more actors are squeezing in on the medical industry and that is largely responsible for the massive rise in costs; more people are holding their hand out each time a patient is seen.
https://i.imgur.com/UKIjwKF.png
The organizational and bureaucratic costs are becoming astronomical and who do we know that involves themselves in "streamlining" medical organizations?
https://i.imgur.com/olJGF87.png
There are plenty of books written on the subject of the corruption of the medical industry. Given their track record, it seems irresponsible for any country not to keep these companies on a tight leash. For the time, it seems the other way around; Big Pharma has our governments by the leash.

How much proof do you need?

Pharma Fined 14 Billion Dollars in 5 Years
https://projects.propublica.org/graphics/bigpharma
“From 1991 through 2015, a total of 373 settlements were reached between the federal and state governments and pharmaceutical manufacturers, for a total of $35.7 billion. Of these, 140 were federal settlements, for $31.9 billion, and 233 were state settlements, for $3.8 billion.”
https://www.citizen.org/wp-content/uploads/migration/2311.pdf
Purdue OxyContin settlement would rank among largest in pharma history
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-purdue-pharma-settlement-history-fact/purdue-oxycontin-settlement-would-rank-among-largest-in-pharma-history-idUSKCN1VW2KL
Opioid Scandal Haunts Drug Companies As They Respond To Pandemic
https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/08/10/900854967/opioid-scandal-haunts-drug-companies-as-they-respond-to-pandemic
Iraq war victims allege pharmaceutical companies' bribery led to U.S. troop deaths
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/10/17/iraq-war-victims-allege-pharmaceutical-companies-bribery-led-u-s-troop-deaths/771290001/

AstraZeneca

Drug Giant AstraZeneca to Pay $520 Million to Settle Fraud Case
https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/Health/astrazeneca-pay-520-million-illegally-marketing-seroquel-schizophrenia/story?id=10488647
AstraZeneca takes $6m hit after 'faking conferences' to bribe doctors
https://www.standard.co.uk/business/astrazeneca-takes-6m-hit-after-faking-conferences-to-bribe-doctors-a3333166.html

Johnson & Johnson

Court Documents: Johnson & Johnson Was ‘Kingpin’ In Opioid Epidemic And Targeted Children, Elderly With Marketing
https://khn.org/morning-breakout/court-documents-johnson-johnson-was-kingpin-in-opioid-epidemic-and-targeted-children-elderly-with-marketing/
Johnson & Johnson to pay $2.2 billion to end U.S. drug probes
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-jnj-settlement/johnson-johnson-said-to-pay-2-2-billion-to-end-u-s-marketing-probes-idUSBRE9A30MM20131104
”…the company (J&J) knew there was asbestos in products aimed at mothers and babies, knew of the potential harm and “misrepresented the safety of these products for decades.”
https://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory/johnson-johnson-asks-high-court-void-2b-talc-77997067
$750 million: Johnson & Johnson ordered to pay in baby powder case
https://www.daytondailynews.com/news/national/750-million-johnson-johnson-ordered-pay-baby-powder-case/UXrlMgzhabcri6eym3bsGP/
Johnson & Johnson to pay $572m for fueling Oklahoma opioid crisis, judge rules
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/aug/26/johnson-and-johnson-opioid-crisis-ruling-responsibility-oklahoma-latest
Johnson & Johnson settles Ohio lawsuits to avoid federal trial
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-johnson-johnson-opioid-ohio-idUSKBN1WH00F
J&J unit to pay $360 million to U.S. to resolve charity kickback probe
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-johnson-johnson-settlement-idUSKBN1O51XB

Pfizer

Pfizer accuses Johnson & Johnson of 'anticompetitive practices' in lawsuit
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2017/09/20/pfizer-accuses-johnson-johnson-anticompetitive-practices-lawsuit/684374001/
Pfizer to pay $2.3 billion, agrees to criminal plea
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-settlement-sb-idUSTRE5813XB20090903
Nigeria sues Pfizer for $7bn over 'illegal' tests on children
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2007/jun/05/health.healthandwellbeing1
“At Pfizer I was expected to increase profits at all costs, even when sales meant endangering lives.”
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-whistleblower-idUSN021592920090903
Pfizer settles foreign bribery case with U.S. government
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-settlement-idUSBRE8760WM20120807
Pfizer in $486 million settlement of Celebrex, Bextra litigation
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-lawsuit-idUSKCN10D1D8
Pfizer has a policy against ghostwriters, but when it acquired Parke and its Neurontin blockbuster it apparently bought an enthusiastic ghostwriting shop within it.”
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/inside-pfizers-ghostwriting-shop-friendly-drug-studies-for-just-1000/#app
Pfizer to Pay $430 Million Fine over Illegal Marketing
https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1895708
Pfizer "Bribe" Scandal in Philippines Heats Up; Company Offered Posters to the President
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/pfizer-bribe-scandal-in-philippines-heats-up-company-offered-posters-to-the-president/

GlaxoSmithKline

GlaxoSmithKline settles healthcare fraud case for $3 billion
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-glaxo-settlement-idUSBRE8610S720120702
Glaxo given 'serious' warning on false vaccine information
https://www.theguardian.com/business/2004/jul/14/health.medicineandhealth
Glaxo to pay $750 million in adulterated drugs case
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-glaxosmithkline-settlement/glaxo-to-pay-750-million-in-adulterated-drugs-case-idUSTRE69P4GH20101027
Evidence grows for narcolepsy link to GSK swine flu shot
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-narcolepsy-vaccine-pandemrix-idUSBRE90L07H20130122
“There’s no doubt in my mind whatsoever that Pandemrix increased the occurrence of narcolepsy onset in children in some countries - and probably in most countries,” says Mignot, a specialist in the sleep disorder at Stanford University in the United States.
UK study strengthens link between GSK flu shot and narcolepsy
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-flu-gsk-narcolepsy-britain-idUSBRE90U0JW20130131
Chinese police charge British former head of GSK in China with bribery
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-china-glaxosmithkline/chinese-police-charge-british-former-head-of-gsk-in-china-with-bribery-idUSBREA4D03720140514
Sex video new twist in GSK China bribery scandal
https://uk.reuters.com/article/uk-gsk-china-idUKKBN0F40YR20140630

Hi. My son (20 yr old) is in the middle of his 3rd manic episode (one per year for 3 years). He refuses medication but agreed when I finally convinced him he was getting worse. He is taking 200mg Seroquel each night and has been for 3 weeks. He has definitely calmed down some (no more paranoia, conspiracy theories) but is still not back to baseline yet and has agitation along with tangential thoughts, flights of ideas, etc..
This is the first manic episode that hasn’t responded to meds within 7-10 days. Just curious if anyone has any idea what’s the norm. From all of the research I’ve done it says can be 4-6 weeks but I’m feeling defeated and scared.
Thanks so much.

hey there. i've been taking seroquel for the past few months on a low dose for sleep and some anxiety and it's worked great, calms me enough to sleep without knocking me out and making me groggy like most meds. but around 2 weeks ago i got my prescription filled and the pills look slightly different. instead of a pale yellow circle with a perforation in the center, it's a brighter yellow circle with a number stamped on one side. i didn't realize they looked different until i took my nightly meds and couldn't sleep an hour later. by that point i'm normally knocked out peacefully. i realized my insomnia had been significantly worse the past few days and made sure i put the seroquel in my pill organizer, when i realized the pills looked different. has anyone else experienced this? im thinking my pharm may have switched generic brands or the formula got changed or something, but i don't want to call and sound like a paranoid conspiracy theory hunk of it isn't a real possibility. i also have a whole month before i go back to my psychiatrist so it would be nice to have my problems resolved before then lol.

I'm finding myself agreeing to skeptics and deniers even though I know they are far from the truth. But mentally I don't know who to trust. I don't know what to trust. I feel like my brain is distorted.
I told this to a friend of mine and he assured me that I am not that type of person and I could just be in a bad place mentally. I am on the highest dose of Seroquel, been told I am bipolar and ADHD. Honestly I don't even trust being told that I'm mentally ill because I know I'm not. I have this feeling that everything is lying to me. I haven't been taking my medication because I think it's ruining me.
I don't want to find solace and comfort on a bunch of climate deniers. The fact that I even found an ounce of comfort in them shows that I could be too far gone. I'm scared.
I always thought I was a well informed person and knew to stay away from conspiracies but the fact that I found myself almost agreeing to them makes me confused. I don't want to lose sight of what's correct and what isn't.

38m. February 2022, I finalized my divorce. I had been trapped in a dysfunctional marriage for 7 years. During those years, I was incredibly stable, but incredibly over medicated. Towards the end when things were at their worst, I was alone self medicating with alcohol. During those years, I was on Venlafaxine, Seroquel, and Lamotragine.
In February, with a fresh start to life, I started exercising and eating better. I stayed away from my phone and computer, and I would go out and socialize. I started looking better and feeling better. Knowing the side effects of the meds, I started tweaking the dosages. Seroquel in particular is incredibly sedating, so I thought I could go down a natural route, managing my bipolar with healthy stress management. I saw improvements. I had more energy, my rest was better. I kept lowering the dosages and kept seeing improvements with my mood and energy. I was aware of the risk of mania, so I was very acute in getting enough sleep, and if I needed to, I would use seroquel more as a PRN.
Fast forward to June, and this slope lead me to a path where I was completely off all medication. I was making strides in all areas of my life. In particular, my relationship with my daughter. We were having a blast and an incredible start to the summer with my motivation and optimism for life. All while this was happening, I was keeping watch on my mania, never denying that it could pop up at some point.
It would be about when July hit that the first occurrences of mania became apparent in retrospect but wasn't obvious or out of control at the time. It was the beginnings of losing touch with reality. Passing interactions with other people, I would sometimes get a hint that I had a larger purpose. But they were fleeting and rare, so I didn't take notice.
By the end of July, I was semi-regularly battling against these thoughts that the strangers I would come across would be part of a conspiracy, and that there was some purpose behind their being there. I was in conflict with myself. 90% of me didn't believe it, and thought it was ridiculous, 9% thought that it was my duty to be humble with getting recognition and attention, and 1% was feeding into the delusion.
By the end of August, I was getting exhausted with the notion of being at the center of everything. I hated the idea that I had to be studied, admired, and protected. I "knew" that something was happening on the outside world, and I didn't know if I was seen as a reconciler of religion, science, and all cultures. I was seen as the person to bring the whole world together and the inspiration of a movement that could potentially solve any problem. It was seen as the opportunity for aliens to finally make their presence known.
By the end of September, I knew there were reasons that "the movement" couldn't directly come to light to me, and I being in a sort of partnership with the movement, I started giving my personal belongings away. I would donate my clothes, my coin collection, my golf clubs, my old baseball glove, and most of my other stuff. It was my belief that each item would go to a person in need, and every item would be cherished by someone. I sort of expected to get something in return, but never did of course. Or if I did, I stole it thinking I was meant to steal it. I was also writing and doing art at this point, which I was also leaving behind on purpose in public places.
When October rolled around, I quit my job because when the world was following me, I saw my job as a way for me to feel normal for a while. I didn't want to give up my old life, but I had a higher calling. It would have been around October 24th when I was completely exhausted from all of this. I couldn't handle the pressure. I couldn't handle the fact that most of me still didn't believe this shit, but that brainwashing-propaganda-part-of-the-brain that kept feeding me these thoughts, I was exhausted fighting that all those months.
I had the idea to go find some weed. I never smoked it before in my life. So, I went to a vape store and asked if they had anything that could get me high. They gave me a canister and a battery. I didn't look at it or do any research because with everything being planted and all information to my phone being filtered, there was no point. I went home, and smoked it. I went into a panic immediately. Thinking I was going to die, I called an ambulance. They came but they didn't seem too concerned when they got here. I was getting frustrated because they weren't taking this "emergency" seriously.
I was out of my mind psychotic. I fell to the floor "devolving" from a human to a werewolf, to smaller and smaller mammals up to and including being a microorganism. I remember "going offline" and coming back online a few times. I remember seeing a coordinate graph where the line kept splicing off the edge, and it felt like I kept dying. It felt like I was shedding timelines where I actually died there, but I kept surviving in this one. I remember being in the bed in the ambulance with the EMT, and he would turn from male to female, and I wrestled with the idea of "male" and "female" at the most abstract level (almost like properties of the universe). I remember re-living my life organized in different ways, and coming back to the EMT each time, thinking that this is the infinite cycle of existence. I have only small fragments after that, but apparently I had a "freak out" moment in the hospital, and they saw it as me being aggressive to one of the personnel. I was arrested, handcuffed, and brought to jail, charged with a felony, simple assault on emergency personnel.
In jail, my parents were not willing to bail me out without being on meds. The jail system here is completely dysfunctional, and there's basically no mental health support, so there was no way for me to get on my meds. After about 3 days living in an open dorm situation, the other inmates took notice of my behavior and obvious mental health issues. They're bored and destructive people, so they preyed on my mental weakness, and I stayed strong as best I could. I can't go into every thought I had, but there was a night that I thought my family was kidnapped and were being tortured and murdered one by one. The inmates were feeding the thoughts, and when it got to my daughter, I couldn't hear anymore. I went into the bathroom, got as high as I could (about 8 feet), jumped, and pushed off the ceiling trying to land my head on the concrete. I didn't lean back far enough and landed on my spine. The pain was intense and I threw up the shampoo, soap, and cleaner that I drank about an hour earlier. I shit my pants and was writhing in pain. The officers rushed in to check things out. I pleaded for them to shoot me telling them it will save my daughter. I kept begging them to do it. They told me to get up. Walking to suicide isolation, I felt reassured that what I did put an end to them murdering my family. I was in suicide watch for 20 days, which, if someone weren't suicidal, would make someone. I had no clothes but a velcro towel, and I had to shit in a hole and smash the turd down with my foot so it would go through the bars. I couldn't have more than a few squares of toilet paper. Nothing to read. My bed was the concrete. I'm not complaining because it is what it is. It's jail and I was there. But what was the worst part is the back pain lying on the concrete. No position felt good, it was simply finding the least painful position and last as long as I could before that became too much, and just keep shuffling to find something that's tolerable for just a moment.
After 28 days, there were enough people who got involved that I was finally able to get released on bail with a treatment order. I got back on my meds, and I've been on them since. I've slipped into a real bad depression. The charges were dropped 10 days ago. I'm resuming my job search (it's impossible to find a job with 'assault' on your record). The arrest itself can still be found if an employer does a certain background check, but nothing I can do about that. I slipped into drinking semi-regularly, but I've pulled out of that the last 2 weeks. All in all, I'm holding on by a thread, but there is hope.
Oh, I forgot that the night of the incident. I had all my money, $20k dollars in cash, stolen from my apartment. I have no proof, but my intuition tells me that one of the officers took it when they were searching my apartment.

(Blanket Trigger Warning: suicide, loss, gore, etc.)----
In the past five years, around 10 people in my immediate circle of family and friends have died. Five of them were suicides (give or take the two that were potentially murdered...)
​

1. My uncle had a secret lifelong addiction to (prescribed) opies. Tried to quit, but couldn't make it. He crawled into the tub in his apartment and shot himself at the peak of his WDs.
2. A friend from college had to have part of his bowel removed from intense Crohn's disease. He hung himself when the painkillers ran out.
3. My best friend went to the grocery store, bought a bunch of groceries. Walked into an alleyway and then abruptly fired 4 rounds - with the fourth going under his chin. At some point a homeless person must have found his body and stole his wallet and cellphone....at least, that's the official story according to the police. Bullshit.I found out he was missing while I was out of the city with my grandpa and uncle. I was in the middle of cleaning up a small cabin they owned near a lake after my alcoholic dad and his girlfriend had a big fight and beat the living shit out of each other.The next day I started calling hospitals... then morgues. That's how we found him. The coroner told me where his body was found, so I went there.It had been raining, but a pool of his blood was still on the ground next to shell casings. I collected quite a bit of evidence and interviewed the people who checked him out. Found video footage. When I gave it to the police they said, "What do you expect us to do with this?" to which I replied, "Your fucking jobs" - and then the threatened to arrest me.There was a private viewing at the morgue before the cremation. There were maybe six of us there. I still remember watching his mother cry over his corpse. His eyes were still open, pointing in different directions. The entry wound was under the right side of his chin... but he was left handed. You do the math. His father, wracked with grief, asked me to write a book about him. He died a year later himself from colon cancer.
4. About a month later, another friend in the same circle drank himself to death. There's more sketchy shit here too that makes me think he was likely poisoned, but that's another story.
5. One year later my father committed suicide by tucking a rifle under his chin. He and his girlfriend had gotten into another fight, and she called the cops. He did a stint back in the 00s for possession, and he always said "I'll kill myself before I go back." Turns out he was serious. I requested a copy of the 911 call... you can hear his voice break when he realizes she called the cops and he just says "Why? Why would you do that? I won't go back. Now I have to die. You killed me."My grandfather was deep in dementia - but when he got the news it was instant clarity. I've never seen anything like it - and I hope I never do again. He kept asking if my dad had used the rifle he had given him (he had.) We lied... but he knew. He just kept saying "I shouldn't have given him that gun." Then he would forget what happened - and then remember. Over. and. over.My uncle and I decided it wouldn't be right to hire a "cleaning crew" for the house. So we did it ourselves. A .30-06 rifle has enough velocity to punch through steel...at close range it basically just makes things explode. We picked up literal pieces of his memories for three days, and buried them next to the bird feeder where he liked to watch the birds.The kicker is, we ended up having to turn the house over the bank anyway.
6. Two months later the same grandpa went into the hospital for a UTI. One night they said he got "agitated" and sedated him with motherfucking Seroquel (black labelled for geriatric patients, not supposed to be given)... His mouth got so dry he choked to death on his own spittle in my grandmother's arms.
7. Around this time we found out my wife's father had a rare disease and needed a bone marrow transplant. They found a donor quickly - and he ran marathons and shit, so his heart was strong. Docs gave him an 70% chance of survival. The day he started chemo to kill his immune system (so the new bone marrow wouldn't be rejected) - COVID was just hitting the US. He got it.The badass hung on for a month after - and the transplant worked! His immune system was fighting off the virus, but then he had multiple massive strokes. They took him off the ventilator and he lived for two full days.He was more of a father to me than my own father with this alcoholic absence... I have a tremendous amount of guilt admitting that.There was no funeral - only quarantine. My wife's job wouldn't let her take time off since she had visited him so much in the hospital after he took a turn for the worse.
8. One of my uncles was an alcoholic - and the pandemic made it worse. The docs said he needed to quit drinking to live, and instead he chose death - as much as an addict chooses anything, I suppose.His liver failed him about 6 months after my father in law died. He knew the end was close, and started calling family more often. I talked to him quite a few times - but I ignored the very last call. I was just busy. I texted him "I'll call you back" but never got the chance.
9. My wife's grandma died from COVID shorty after that.
10. Like my FIL had been more of a father to me than my own, my grandma was more of a mother to me than my own. My real mother is a complete conspiracy theory/religious nut. But that's a whole other trunk of trauma...Anyway, she had a fall last spring. Fractured pelvis. Some pain, but was walking around fine. We started alternating staying with her - keep in mind this woman was not retired at 87, and still drove everywhere. Sharp as a tack. But the doctors ordered strict bedrest, and she became depressed. Stopped eating. She went downhill fast - just lost the will to live. Her hospital stay is another saga (They didn't turn on a suction catheter and her skin literally sloughed off in inch deep from urine burns.)My last surviving uncle was convinced she would pull through, and wouldn't give her the hospice morphine. I understand... but it made me so mad. We fought, and he agreed to give her some - and then she promptly died. I know he silently blames me, but I don't really give a fuck.
11. Just this past week, my other grandma - deep in dementia, much deeper than the other grandpa - and completely bedridden - she finally died too. This one was almost merciful. It was long past her time, but my mother did everything she could to keep her alive, for religious reasons.She had been in and out of the hospital for the past three years - got COVID and survived it - in spite of my mom poisoning her with the "ivermectin cure." Every time she went in, I would think "Ok, this has to be it."She finally did pass - on my birthday. We did have a kind of special relationship, so I'm trying to frame it positively, as a sing of our bond or something - but I know it's just a coping mechanism.
12. The day after my grandma died, my wife's best friend went to the hospital. She had been sick with strep throat (she thought) - but the antibiotics she got didn't do anything.Turns out it was Acute (the bad kind) Leukemia. She was 31. We were at her wedding just after the quarantines ended. She just had a baby - 7 months old.The doctors did some tests and said her heart was really strong - it wasn't a matter of "survival" but a matter of "curing."Last Thursday she texted my wife to say the chemo wasn't that bad. Friday morning they made plans for her to visit over the weekend.... then her heart just stopped. And the revived her. And then her heart stopped again. This went on for 12 fucking hours before she died for the last time.

-------------
My grandmother's funeral was yesterday. My wife's best friend's funeral is tomorrow, and I'm so fatigued from loss I just don't feel anything. Honestly, I stopped being able to cry after my dad died.
I keep thinking to myself this must be what being in a war feels like - there's so much death happening near you that you just become numb.
I've been to a therapist - but I can hardly get through 1/2 of the deaths before time is up - and then it's another three month wait.... and that's not even scratching the cult-mommy absent-daddy issues. He says it's normal not to feel anything, but I really want to.
It's been two years now and the only time I can cry like I want is when I get shitfaced - I'm talking pants-on-head drunk. I don't really drink much though.
I just feel like I'm holding up all this weight, and I don't have any way to put it down....
Anyway, if you've made it this far - thanks for reading. I don't know what to expect from putting this here - I think in spite of everything I'm doing kind of ok. It just makes me feel better to write this stuff down, I guess.

Not quite sure if this is the place to post, here goes nothing anyways. Sorry if the grammar isn't that great.
My dad is one of the most intelligent people I know and have learned a lot of skills from. I used to want to work on cars and such like he did as a kid, the normal stuff. He graduated college with a degree in computer aided design but never really went anywhere with it and worked for construction unions until I was a baby.
Him and my mom had a love-hate relationship and they broke up when I was younger, and my mom died when I was 11 in 2015, so I essentially have nobody but him and he knows this.
Anyways, my dad has always been the "conspirational" type, believes in aliens and stuff which is cool, and honestly pretty normal, but just within the last 5-6 years shortly after my mom died he really started going down the rabbit hole with conspiracy theories.
I feel like there's a connecton between QAnon and mental illness sometimes, because my dad has been put in the hospital for acting psychotic and crazy before, and was on seroquel for a while when I was a baby but quit taking it one day, cause it made "him faint" he said. With that, he's also had a history of substance abuse (Weed mostly but also cocaine, and has also done meth.) and in 2018-2019 he started doing coke again and after a while, he started getting fed up with where we live (Central illinois) and had some literal pipe-dream where if we moved to Mississippi things would be better.
I didn't know any better and assumed it would be okay because he said we would have a place to stay and I would start going to school and stuff again there. I don't know why I believed him cause for 4-5 months we were basically homeless and sleeping in his buddies driveways and stuff like that, which took a toll on my mental state at that age (15 just turning 16) when I should've been in school.
We were in Mississippi when CoViD-19 hit, and that's when he really went down the shitter with delusional logic. It started with him saying it was overhyped, that it was a hoax and a virus made in a lab in wuhan released onto us by billionaire philatronphists like Bill Gates and stuff. Which... is honestly fucking insane.
Fast forward to 2022, been back home at my grandmothers for 3 2 years now and I haven't been in school for 3 years because he was afraid that the meningococcal vaccine my school district wanted me to get was "The covid vaccine" and "new MRNA technology" and I tried to tell him "Couldn't I just ask the physician or doctor administering the vaccination to me about what it is and how it works?" and he would always reply to it along the lines of "Well they would lie to you and you would take it anyways and then you wouldn't get into heaven because your DNA is scrambled and god can't reassemble your genetic structure" and some other schizo nonsense like that, when god can literally raise people from the dead, from ashes and bones? by his logic?
Honestly I'm just burnt out of his shit, he bums off my grandma and me for cigs and weed money and acts aggressive and childish when he doesn't get his way (beating and banging things around, throwing things, yelling) it's honestly alarming cause if you disagree with him on something he will get violent and call you ignorant and blind and other things a nutjob would say.
Honestly don't know what to do. Believe his last little binge he did with meth in 2020 really set him into some kind of permanent psychosis, cause he came over to the house with a tv remote taking it apart telling me how there were cameras in it, and microphones, and that I was ignorant for not listening to him, and when I told him he was crazy and sounded like a crackhead he escalated it and eventually even tried to physically assault me.
I'm ready to get my GED and go to college for computer sciences (always had a passion for it) and get my own place, and I already know he's gonna try to come and parasite off me, and bring his cat (which I am very allergic to, he is too and so is my grandpa, plus the thing is half-wild and claws carpets up and pees and poops behind things, he doesn't train her at all.) over to and try and do the same things he's doing now, not paying rent and being a bum, and honestly I'm not going to have it and I don't want it to escalate into a fight or argument, cause he's an idiot.
He also had me put his truck in his name because he's irresponsible and has child support payments due back from my brother and me, and can't get his license because of it, nor would he ever go up to the DMV to get an id made or pay that fine cause he's a bum. I drive the truck sometimes but he acts stupid if I try to use it like its my own truck (which legally it is)
Sorry for the long rant... I'm just tired of my dad's ass backwards logic and thought process, his immense consumption of conspiracy theories and alex-jones like information, and emotional control that of a toddler.... any tips or comments are greatly appreciated anyone.... if anymore context is needed or any errors are in this, point them out to me below.

You say you fear I'll change my mind
I won't require you
Never, my love
Never, my love
​
I didn't like "Under the Silver Lake" the first time i saw it.
My friend and I, despite being A24 fans, made fun of the movie as it went along, and I didn't immediately grasp whatever it was that it was trying to say, nor did I really care to do so. I considered it a wash.
And then i got home.
And I kept thinking about it. And then Redditing it. And then watching it again. And, well, I'm sure you know the rest if you're on this sub.
I actually lived in the neighborhood of Silver Lake when this movie came out, but I never watched it during that time. I've lived in Brooklyn as well, and I usually hate "cool location title" movies. I can't think of many movies that are made during the titular neighborhood's "hot" time that are especially great. At least in the 2010s.
But the movie is now very special to me because of that. It completely nails the vibe of LA during that time, and the reservoir where Sam walks around and eventually jumps into, was my running path everyday for 3 years. And yes, it does look that beautiful at night.
Anyway, I think there is more to this movie than meets the eye.
I believe that "Under the Silver Lake", a movie about encoded messages buried in pop culture, is an *actual* encoded message, and that whoever "made" this film knows a lot more than we do about Hollywood and the music industry (and maybe more).
In the following "essay" (aka a total scattered mess, but sort of organized), I'll simply be laying out some weird facts about the movie, and strange connections that I find difficult to just put away.
I promise I am not a "Sam" - well, I sort of used to be a little. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and a lot of his life "attacks" me, but I'm ten years off the booze, and a relatively normal person with a happy life. Also I never shoved eggs down any kids' throat.
I'm completely open to the possibility of this movie just being a movie, and I never claim any absolute knowledge about any aspect of life. There are just some undeniably strange things about this film, and I'll talk about them now :)
WARNING: Some of this gets pretty gnarly, and could be triggering for some people. Not like graphic or insane, but ya know. A little dark.
​
​

• Sam Lutfi- the executive producer

Lutfi is Britney Spears' former manager, and also executive produced "Under the Silver Lake."
From ABC News -
Feb. 5, 2008 -- Britney Spears' family wants Sam Lutfi, her friend and sometimes manager, out of the troubled pop star's life.
In details of a restraining order released by a Los Angeles court today, Spears' mother, Lynne, alleges that Lutfi "essentially moved into Britney's home and has purported to take control of her life, home and finances" since meeting her in October 2007.
Lynne also claims that Lutfi drugged Britney, cut her home phone line and removed her cell phone chargers.
"He yells at her," Lynne is quoted in the restraining order. "He claims to control everything."
Lynne claimed in the declaration that Lutfi told her that he "grinds up Britney's pills," including the prescription drugs Risperdol and Seroquel, both used to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, and "puts them in her food."
"He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced coma so that they could give her drugs to heal her brain," Lynne says. "He told me that if he weren't in the house to give Britney her medicine, she would kill herself. Then he said to me, 'If you try to get rid of me, she'll be dead and I'll piss on her grave.'"
Spears asked about her sons, Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, during the bizarre evening, according to the declaration.
"Britney then said, 'What do I have to do to see them?' Sam responded, 'Take the pills I tell you to take,'" Lynne recounts. After arguing with Lutfi about seeing a psychiatrist, Spears then said, "I'll do anything to get them back."
Lynne also claims that Lutfi bragged to her that "he is the one who receives Britney's checks" and "at some point during the evening, Sam said that Britney decided that he should be her manager."
From Page Six (2021)-
“Just sitting here listening to that court recording, if she hates me after she’s free I won’t blame her,” Lutfi, 46, wrote, referencing the “Toxic” singer’s bombshell June 23 testimony, in which she called her conservatorship “abusive” and pleaded to have control of her life for the first time in 13 years.
“I failed her,” the accused Svengali continued. “I was supposed to protect her from all this, I let her down and we both paid dearly for it – – head in hands..I’m so sorry."
Here's a 9 month old Reddit thread on him from BritneySpears which has varying opinions.
You can dig deeper, but I don't know the guy personally, and only want to present some links and facts.
Also, his name is Sam.
​

• The Case of Courtney Love, Sam Lutfi, Frances Bean Cobain, Isaac Silva and Kurt Cobain's missing guitar

Courtney Love was managed by Sam Lutfi, and has hurled many allegations at him, including actually filing a restraining order against him.
In a declaration, Love describes intense verbal abuse by Lutfi via phone calls to her home and cell numbers “at all hours of the day and night,” and via text messages, several of which she attached. “go choke on opiates and die.. no one gives a shit about you,” reads one message. Another text appears to threaten blackmail: “all of your shit is going public Friday morning.. don’t say you weren’t warned.”
Love also cites aggressive comments on her social media profiles that she believes were written by Lutfi alias accounts, and claims Lutfi was monitoring and using her email address without her knowledge until she recently blocked his access. She says she has changed her phone number multiple times, changed her electronic devices (some multiple times), hired home surveillance experts, and added new levels of personal security in response to Lutfi’s conduct.
“He became a friend over time, and eventually became a trusted adviser,” she says in her declaration. “With the benefit of hindsight, this was a huge mistake.” This is not the first legal action involving the Hole singer and Lutfi. Love, Cobain, and Lutfi are co-defendants in a lawsuit brought by Cobain’s ex-husband Isaiah Silva, in which Silva, among other allegations, accuses Lutfi and associates of breaking into the home he formerly shared with Cobain. Love and Lutfi are also co-defendants in a lawsuit brought by Silva’s ex-girlfriend.
Frances Bean Cobain and Jaimee King filed their own declarations that describe harassment by Lutfi. Cobain says she attempted to sever all ties with Lutfi last September because he was verbally abusive and, “on a few occasions,” physically abusive. She describes harassing text messages and phone calls that have taken place since then, including threats stating Lutfi possesses “confidential personal information” about her. “I seriously hate you. you are the most destructive and full of shit human being on this planet … you’re a con artist destructive little junkie liar,” reads one attached message. Cobain says she has moved to a confidential location “to remain safe from Mr. Lutfi” and has blocked at least eight phone numbers associated with him. She also blocked him on social media but believes he has continued to comment on her Instagram through aliases, including two comments describing her as a “sociopath” posted on December 8.
King is a licensed attorney in California and Oregon. In her declaration, she says Love asked for help terminating her relationship with Lutfi, and that King herself met with him in August. During this meeting, King says Lutfi became verbally aggressive and refused to answer questions about Love’s business affairs. She says Lutfi has threatened and harrassed her “on an unpredictable but regular basis ever since,” and suggests Lutfi has demanded money he believes he’s owed by Love. King attaches text messages sent to her by Lutfi over the past three months in which he calls her, among other things, “fat b*tch,” “miserable cu**t,” “insulting dumb pig,” and “pathetic sow.” She describes incessant and belligerent phone calls at odd hours, causing her to block Lutfi’s number, unplug her home phone at night, and advise her children to ignore calls from unknown numbers. “My youngest daughter tearfully asked me last week if Mr. Lutfi could come to our home and hurt us,” she says.
We’ve reached out to Sam Lutfi for comment. - Spin (2018)
​
Here is the PDF of the court document.
​

• Isaiah Silva

A musician who was once married to Courtney Love's daughter — and who alleged that the former Hole singer conspired with others to stage a break-in at his home in 2016 and kidnap or kill the plaintiff so that Kurt Cobain's legendary guitar could be retrieved — has reached a settlement with Love.
An attorney for the 57-year-old Love told Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Armen Tamzarian on Wednesday that the accord needs a final signature to be official. No terms were divulged.
The complaint filed in May 2018 alleges that in June 2016, former Britney Spears manager Osama "Sam" Lutfi, actor Ross Butler and another man, Yan Yukhtman, broke into Silva's West Hollywood home and banged on his bedroom door, saying that they were members of the Los Angeles Police Department. Silva alleged he was dragged out of his home and taken away in a black Cadillac Escalade.
The 37-year-old Silva — the lead singer for the alternative rock band the Eeries — alleged that Love told Lutfi and the others to use threats in order to convince Silva to agree to a settlement agreement to return the guitar and concur with her other demands. Silva further alleged Love was the mastermind of the actions against his client.
"I never conspired with anyone else to murder or kidnap Silva or take possession of the guitar," Love said.
FOX News Atlanta
​
Here's a Cosmo version of it:
According to a copy of the civil complaint obtained by the site, Silva is suing Love, Butler, her manager Sam Lutfi, private investigator, John Nazarian, musician Michael Schenk, and others for "conspiring to kill him with the intent of stealing the Nirvana frontman’s guitar."
Silva is also alleging the group engaged in "burglary, robbery, s***al battery, kidnapping, attempted murder, criminal threats, false imprisonment, extortion, stalking intentional infliction of emotional distress and trespass," according to People.
“The primary objective of their conspiracy was to locate and take possession of a guitar believed to be worth millions of dollars, which was gifted to Silva, by [Frances], on January 8, 2014, six months prior to their June 29, 2014 marriage,” the documents allege, according to Us Weekly.
As part of his divorce settlement with Bean Cobain, Silva got to keep the famous guitar, which Cobain played during his iconic 1993 MTV Unplugged performance. Cobain died the following year by su**ide.
​
​
AmericanSpyFox is a YouTuber who goes deep on this stuff, and has made a multi-part series called "Growing Up Frances Cobain". I highly recommend it. It's 5 parts and sums it all up without a real agenda. Well, a little agenda. But it's a highly entertaining / informative channel.
​
​

• Tavistock

Tavistock is a real thing, but what it *really* is, much like CERN, is debatable to people on the internet.
It's an extremely fringe movement, but some believe that there are encoded messages in Beatles songs (which is kind of true) and that a secret institution called Tavistock engineered their whole career, including the writing of their songs (which is um, debatable.)
It's relevant in my opinion, as this theory sort of mirrors the Songwriter scene.
​

• The Songwriter

"Oh look at you! Everything that you've hoped for, that you've dreamed about being a part of, is a fabrication. Your art, your writing, your culture is the shell of other men's ambitions - ambitions beyond what you will ever understand."
The Songwriter is a whole different post, and an absolutely chilling scene, but it clearly mirrors the Tavistock theory.
And don't forget Kurt's guitar :(
​

• Laurel Canyon and The Association

The very excellent opening (one of my favorite movie openings ever) contains The Association's "Never My Love."
The Association is an American sunshine pop band from California.[2] During the late 1960s, the band had numerous hits at or near the top of the Billboard charts (including "Windy)", "Cherish)", "Never My Love" and "Along Comes Mary") and were the lead-off band at 1967's Monterey Pop Festival. They are known for intricate vocal harmonies by the band's multiple singers.
​
The band lived in Laurel Canyon, a famous bohemian area of Los Angeles that continues to be an extremely sought after place to live. I can attest that it is, indeed, magical.
Dave McGowan wrote a really wild book called "Weird Scenes Inside the Canyon: Laurel Canyon, Covert Ops & the Dark Heart of the Hippie Dream".
"Many didn't make it out alive, and many of those deaths remain shrouded in mystery to this day. Far more integrated into the scene than most would care to admit was a guy by the name of Charles Manson, along with his murderous entourage. Also floating about the periphery were various political operatives, up-and-coming politicians, and intelligence personnel - the same sort of people who just happened to give birth to many of the rock stars populating the canyon. And all of the canyon's colorful characters - rock stars, hippies, murderers, and politicos - happily coexisted alongside a covert military installation."
​
That's enough stuff for now, but I guess I just wanna know why Sam Lutfi produced this movie. He's only done like 3 movies. Ever.
I'm sure that there are tons of way more in depth analysis of this movie, I just didn't see much stuff regarding this subject.
Also, Riley Keough is Elvis' granddaughter.
Ultimately, I think the film is about the homeless crisis in LA and substance abuse, and also Hollywood's demonic appetite for young souls. I believe the underground lair to be the "actual" Los Angeles, the heart of it. The one that swallows people whole.
​
"Everything belongs to the coyotes. They're just lettin' us use it."
- The Homeless King

The Rise of Open Source Intelligence

While people often think of open source intelligence as being the ability to gather information about people, is goes far beyond that. Not only is OSINT a source of information, it can also be turned the other direction into an informational weapon or informational defense.
The OSINT battlefield looks, approximately, like this:
https://i.imgur.com/uqhEcNg.png
Organizations in the business of information warfare see these realms, not just as a source of information, but each as targets in which to poison their enemies with disinformation and misinformation; and to protect secrets in a world where secrecy is a force multiplier in the war for power.
https://imgur.com/X4Ef51R.png
https://i.imgur.com/1e69qMb.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/wcpJxch.jpg
The reason that freedom of press was so important to the United States is because it was supposed to act as part of checks and balances with government. The press was supposed to empower people and help preserve freedom. For this reason, the press is not just heavily infiltrated; it is entirely infiltrated and most people are aware of this, though generally not to the full extent.
https://i.imgur.com/fs9GCCC.jpg
Basic OSINT proves that the news is completely compromised by overlapping interests of government and large corporations. It doesn't take more than a little scratching of the surface of any major news story to start catching lies and uncovering conflicts of interest.
One way to expose bad actors is by merely talking about subjects they don't like and waiting to see who comes along to censor or derail your discussion.
https://i.imgur.com/QtshkCS.png
The ability to automate conversations greatly increases the opportunity to draw out censors and agenda driven Internet users. This automated method is what has allowed me to uncover a great deal of issues the official mainstream narratives go to great lengths to cover up.
By drawing out bad actors, modern OSINT techniques provide the opportunity to be able to witness and trace conspirators against liberty. It is possible to trace the web of slime to expose the dark side of the modern media.
It only takes about 6 companies, which all have mutual shareholders to control all of the media put in front of you.
https://i.imgur.com/fUVZw7w.png
All these companies have to do, to influence people, is keep a handful of people "on message" to keep many other people "in line."
https://i.imgur.com/85Wiivl.png
Modern OSINT techniques allow the average person to have a glimpse through the window that shows these people are not smarter or better, in any way. The only reason anyone pays any attention to them is because they are constantly put in front of your face.
The truth is that most famous people barely have a middle school education. Justin Bieber didn't even know what "German" was while doing an interview in New Zealand.
When you peel back the layers of make up and take away the curated scripts, what reveals itself is a dark force that once emanated only from the greed and lust for power of evil people, but has evolved to include an automated machination that is growing before our eyes; a digital cancer upon human success, intellect and quality of life.
https://i.imgur.com/1rb1R9L.png

The Great Conspiracy

https://i.imgur.com/hlGVGOb.png
The Great Conspiracy is not that hard to understand. As you'd expect, it stems from greedy, undeserving individuals who assert creeping authoritarianism to steal from the people of the world; your money, your quality of life, your very destiny.
There is a great web of slime that is being used to guide you and your communities into acting against your own self-interests for the benefit of greedy, undeserving usurpers of natural law.
You are the target. You have already been manipulated in a lot of invisible ways that you normally would never think about. If you've made it to this presentation, the fact that you have some understanding and are somewhat accepting that human organizations are corruptible and communicate at you from a position of ulterior motives (likely, through no fault of your own and is just due to intellect, disposition and personality), you are on a "side."
https://i.imgur.com/6jIMhKz.png
This variable; this ability to notice covert tactics; this human characteristic is targeted for extermination.
https://imgur.com/9ejXpjG.png
There has been an ongoing war throughout human history between those who want to enslave and those who want to be free; a war that continues to this day and has reached a critical stage, through technology, that seeks to establish a permanent enslavement of the mind of every individual.
https://imgur.com/25v70rz.png
Now that you know you're drafted, certain Internet movements you have fallen into might start to make a lot more sense; efforts to co-opt your "side" are persistent, splintered across many mediums, and ongoing.
https://imgur.com/MPptugt.png

A Newspeak Word: "Conspiracy"

https://i.imgur.com/nTqLAsk.png
Has anyone called you “crazy” for believing something that has a solid amount of evidence behind it? A “conspiracy theorist?” People do that because that is what they are trained to do. It is a shortcut to looking at evidence. When this happens to you, whether you are right or wrong, you have still found that person’s emotional trigger. If you take nothing away from this, my overall advice is that disarming emotional triggers is one of the most important aspects of becoming a real adult. People operate better when they are calm, cool and confident. Emotional resilience is the greatest gift you can give yourself and your children.
https://i.imgur.com/gtoMNl3.png
Take a moment to appreciate how wildly successful the CIA was when it instructed all of its well-placed influence agents in news agencies to paint dissenters as "infatuated with their own conspiracy theories."
https://imgur.com/UUQDHLz.png
Not only is this a knee jerk, "go to" response by billions of people who encounter information they disagree with, the sophistication of neurolinguistic programming techniques have instilled, in most people, that the word "conspiracy", somehow, has something to do with aliens, bigfoot, and other topics that are more properly considered "mysteries".
https://i.imgur.com/QkZFoVQ.png
For this reason, it is always important to remind people that, by definition, a conspiracy is the agreement by two or more persons to commit a crime.
https://i.imgur.com/U7M0uRB.png
Despite pointing this out, responses on the Internet, still, generally engage in a false equivalency where they want you to believe "aliens" and the existence of two or more greedy people with no morals in the same place at the same time. Not only are there many prosecuted criminal conspiracies in the political and corporate realm, there are many unprosecuted criminal conspiracies, as well, operating out in the open, as you read this.
https://imgur.com/gSVNxtN.png
Numerous Examples of Proven Conspiracies:
https://web.archive.org/web/20161215121406/https://www.reddit.com/conspiracy/wiki/locc
The Great Conspiracy is a crime against humanity, with many conspirators, where the people propped up to be your heroes, idols and leaders are actually getting paid off to participate in this systematic oppression and destruction of those on the "side" of freedom.
This war against you is orchestrated, from the top down, upon the human population by an increasingly monolithic intelligence community.
https://i.imgur.com/kl7TXbZ.png
I hope you can suspend your judgment, and wait to decide whether or not you agree with me. Wait until after you have seen what millions of other people have seen, but, infuriatingly, the news won’t cover.
Whatever your political alignment, there is something everyone can agree on; greater transparency of government. If you write one letter or make one phone call to a politician in your life, ask for more transparency. Try not to let confirmation bias cloud your view of politics, which is constantly being manipulated.
https://i.imgur.com/qvXOqAD.png
Imagine if the spying, invasion of privacy tools Big Tech has were turned, not on the average citizen, but for the average citizen, where we all can examine politicians, corporations and bad actors in foreign countries. The technological capability is there.
https://i.imgur.com/d9dMplK.png
Anyone who is half-way decent at Internet research can easily target an average citizen and uncover a great deal about their lives. A government, corporate or political operator has a lot more tools to engage in this type of behavior against you, as an individual or as a group.
https://i.imgur.com/W8U55vy.png
Considering how much corruption is exposed with every leak, where billions are spent on damage control, take a moment to consider if we had the same level of transparency we had with John Podesta, Hillary Clinton or Hunter Biden with all politicians; on any side of the political spectrum, lobbyists and corporations that pay them, and even foreign operatives who interact with our own politicians.
Why would we, as a society, NOT want to keep a close eye on the people we elected to be leaders? There is simply no reason, with the resources available, to not implement a strict oversight and accountability of local, mid-level and high-level government leaders and those tasked with enforcement of the law. The reason the average person has no interest is because their thinking has been steered against their own interests.
https://imgur.com/nS2SgJo.png

The Tavistock Institute of Human Relations

“What will be the ultimate results of the Wellsian program for the High Cabal and for the World?"
“The Wednesday Psychology Club”, later, “The Vienna Psychology Club,” along with “The Coefficients Dining Club”, implemented a theoretical framework for an international group of wartime psychologists and psychiatrists to begin to take over the world; conquistadors in spectacles and vested suits, and fully loyal to an ambitious group of central bankers with their minds set on global domination.
A hybrid government/medical/corporate organization formed along the lines set forth by these early pioneers; The Tavistock Institute of Human Relations.

”At Tavistock Consulting we apply a ‘systems-psychodynamic’ theory of change to our work with organisations.”

https://archive.ph/HF0s6

”During TIHR70, festival dreamers were invited to take part in our daily inquiry to explore what collective meanings we can find from sharing our overnight dreams and what they might tell us about our current shared experiences and understandings.”
Read a report on each day’s Social Dreaming by following the links below:

https://archive.ph/0HUaL
Not only was Tavistock working with allied governments for wartime efforts, they are still involved with actors central on the world stage, today. Note this “Conflict of Interest” statement regarding Bill Gates, the NIH and the Wellcome Trust, which is an arm of Tavistock.
https://i.imgur.com/TKtuMZc.png
Introducing the Wellcome Element
https://archive.ph/joXBF
https://i.imgur.com/p87WFUr.png
The Tavistock Institute of Human Relations has given birth to many organizations and maintains close ties to a lot of corporate, government and NGO groups; being a hybrid of these types of organizations, itself.
https://i.imgur.com/FbPeW11.png
The Anti-Defamation League is an arm of Tavistock, where psychologist Kurt Lewin authored instructions for the organization on a variety of subjects and established a framework to perpetuate a “victim mind set” in those under the influence of the ADL. The ADL’s mother institution was the Tavistock Clinic (now combined with the Tavistock Institute for Human Relations to form the Tavistock Centre) in London.
Created under the direct patronage of His Royal Highness the Duke of Kent, Tavistock was, and is still, today, the leading psychological warfare capability of the British Crown. Its network included outposts in continental Europe, North America, Australia, and Asia, with funding from British oligarchical families, including their American "cousins," such as the Rockefellers and the Mellons.
Under its umbrella were assembled the leading practitioners of psychiatry; but Tavistock, unlike treatment clinics dealing with individual patients, sought the development of methods of mass social control to support British imperial policy. Their leader, Brig. Gen. John Rawlings Rees, called them the advance guard of what he proposed to be an army of psychological shock troops, which, through mind-destroying therapies and drugs, would control world society for their oligarchical masters.
https://i.imgur.com/RlKgsHl.png
John Rawlings Rees

The clinic specialised in the new 'dynamic psychologies' of Sigmund Freud and his followers, and in particular the Object relations theory of Ronald Fairbairn and others. As well as educating others at the clinic, Rees took the DPH in 1920 and MRCP in 1936. Rees was one of the key figures at the original Tavistock Clinic and became its medical director from 1933. He began to make plans to establish an Institute of Medical Psychology, with beds and more opportunities to train people in psychiatric methods, and bought a site in Bloomsbury to build it, but his plans were halted by the outbreak of World War II.

...

The work which occupied most of Rees time during the war was the case of Rudolf Hess. Together with Henry Dicks, a fellow member of the Tavistock Clinic group, Rees was charged with the care of Hitler's Deputy at the secret prison locations where he was held following his capture after landing in Scotland.[5] Over the four-year period from June 1941 to Hess' appearance at the Nuremberg trial, Rees apparently established a relationship with Hess: Hess' diaries record many meetings with Rees, referred to at this time as Colonel Rees, in which Hess accused his captors of attempting to poison, drug, and 'mesmerise' him.

...

At this congress, the World Federation for Mental Health was founded, and Rees was elected as the first president. This organisation is now a non-governmental organisation with formal consultative status at the United Nations.

https://archive.ph/5Z1YO
Some principles of mass persuasion: selected findings of research on the sale of United States war bonds

”Effective programs of mass persuasion must

• 1) change the cognitive structures of individuals;
  
• 2) change the motivational structures of individuals; and
  
• 3) activate new forms of behavior.”
  

https://archive.ph/dduXE
Don't Let That Shadow Touch Them
https://i.imgur.com/XKLMAWz.png
Tavistock fits Edward Bernays' explanation of "an invisible government". Their logo, itself, communicates that it is made up of multiple circles.
https://i.imgur.com/CKcaUaa.png
A good place to start understanding modern mind control is by looking at the origins and impact of the Tavistock Institute of Human Relations, which was tasked by the British government to wield the field of psychology as a weapon of war.
"Systems Psychodynamics" is a weapon upon the population of the world that hides behind psychology jargon and pseudoscience; modern black magic.
Tavistock was preceded by the Coefficients Dining Club, who planned World War I to "cooperatively make the world more efficient." Their minutes are still available, today, in London, where you can see them, yourself. Freud had started his own Wednesday Psychology club and held meetings in Vienna. He was doing this the same time Stalin, Hitler and Trotsky were also in Vienna. These groups would, eventually, congeal into an International Association of Psychologists and expand across the globe.
Vienna Dreaming
https://i.imgur.com/ut7sjji.png
1913: When Hitler, Trotsky, Tito, Freud and Stalin all lived in the same place
https://i.imgur.com/G7zNZOj.png
Coefficients (dining club)
https://i.imgur.com/19nEzEy.png
Coefficients Club: Window on the High Cabal?
https://i.imgur.com/0SjBC2l.png
The Tavistock Institute of Human Relations
https://imgur.com/W8swCJT.png
https://cognitive-liberty.online/wp-content/uploads/Coleman_John_-_The_Tavistock_Institute_of_Human_Relations1.pdf
Before they had a name for PTSD, the Tavistock Institute of Human Relations was involved in studying “shell shock” and the effects of wartime trauma on the individual.
https://imgur.com/pDHp9C8.png
New ideas from Tavistock staff were underpinned not only by psychoanalysis, but also by personal experience, faith, psychology, anthropology and politics:

• the nonconformist Christianity of the founding physicians, of Bion’s background and education, and the Quaker egalitarianism of Rickman and Robertson
  
• the applied Marxism, social anthropology, field theory, and passion for democracy that Trist brought to the post war Tavistock from his time with Lewin in USA in the 1930s
  

https://archive.ph/s0Mvf
"Principles of mass persuasion" evolved into "systems psychodynamics," which is largely based on Wilfred Bion's "basic assumption theory" where your basic assumptions are targeted, manipulated, broken down and then reprogrammed in order to control your decision-making processes (or lack thereof).
Systems Psychodynamics: The Formative Years of an Interdisciplinary Field at the Tavistock Institute
https://i.imgur.com/j1mQja0.png
https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/2c416e8e-98a6-4ceb-aefd-4422d4613e3a/2004-Syst%20Psych-OPUS%20FRAHER-2004.pdf
Principles of mass persuasion are no longer solely the realm of governments and state actors. Large corporate networks have overtaken and surpassed the purview of government and wield this weapon with impunity upon you and everyone else, as well as your government and the institutions you rely on.
https://imgur.com/L4HdV7L.png
Doing All You Can, Brother?
https://i.imgur.com/eliFKZL.png
We Are Fighting For Everyone
https://i.imgur.com/n77tvdM.png
Inflation
https://i.imgur.com/DgLtZIV.png
When you ride ALONE you ride with Hitler
https://i.imgur.com/bQBJaoQ.png
I use Tavistock as a working example to demonstrate what is happening behind the scenes in society, but you should keep in mind that they are far from the only group behaving in this way. Tavistock merely provides the benefit of being well documented and operating “out in the open,” even after all these years. They spend a lot of time learning about what works to build strategies that don’t work; sabotage. Tension centered strategies are now widely used by all propaganda outlets to cause certain groups to be “stuck”, certain groups to split, and synthesize news groups to disempower political or corporate opposition.
https://i.imgur.com/2V5uxz3.png
Don't get too tied up with Tavistock as being the only bad actor, because they are far from the only game in town. Tavistock is simply a good working model of a think tank that employs a lot of basic psychological principles, like self-fulfilling prophecy, social dreaming, and other occult practices that are updated with modern language; and they are very well documented. You can do your own research to verify what I am saying.
https://i.imgur.com/GhCSLo3.png
Tavistock was a forerunner in forming and implementing psychological ideas and principles to explain black magic. The first psychologists were occultists. "Self-fulfilling prophecy" is the psychological term that refers to the individual level of "social dreaming." Since researchers began to stumble on Tavistock, after the election, Wikipedia has removed their social dreaming page and the Internet, at large, has seen the disappearance of a lot other Tavistock documentation, like pieces of their "wartime archives" which aren't even on archive sites, anymore.
The reason you should know about social dreaming is because it is, essentially, a black magic spell, where you say something that isn't true or hasn't happened (while in a group of people) to invoke the principles behind self-fulfilling prophecy. This is how and why "double speak" works and why you see so many "double speak" titles in media. They are, essentially, casting black magic on you because, even if you don't fall for the ploy, you are angered and succumb to negativity to the extent you appear "angry" or "obsessed" so that you can be discredited.
The Social Dreaming Matrix
https://i.imgur.com/6kDRrq8.png
https://www.tavinstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/The-Practice-of-Social-Dreaming-Guiding-Principles.pdf
Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon church, used social dreaming to make people "see" the golden plates with their "mind's eye." So, what Tavistock is doing, is they are studying how to explain this religious and ritual behavior in a psychological way. Again, they aren't the only game in town.
https://i.imgur.com/axub2ft.png
Beyond the new technological wave of human resource management, now being augmented with machine learning, a monopolistic approach now also combines propaganda and neurolinguistic programming at every juncture in your life; at work, while shopping, in the drive thru, while gaming. Technology has made it so that the modern man can't get a moment's peace.
https://i.imgur.com/v5G5Omx.png
A dangerous beast has taken the place of the greedy, undeserving slavers; a new monopolistic, uncaring, invisible force that is now driven by a vast network of machines... a cloud of calculations that are nothing more than thrumming and pulsing electricity. Information warfare is being automated at an alarming rate.
https://i.imgur.com/US4ktoo.png
Every basic human need and every basic human function is targeted for monetization. Additional human behaviors and interactions are being created specifically for the purpose of monetization. When this trend reaches its logical conclusion, everything you do and say will be for the purpose of being exploited for profit by another. The digital enslavement of people is specifically for the purpose of aiding your physical enslavement.
This monopolistic force... this Great Conspiracy... has enslaved your governments in order to aid in enslaving the world down to the individual level. All governments are quickly becoming vassal states to the growing force that is Big Tech.
What this all boils down to is that you, yourself, are exposed to techniques for the purpose of mass persuasion and mind control. You can't really be exposed to mainstream media, movies, music, the Internet, without your synapses being manipulated on a biological level, utilizing the same techniques Tavistock, the CIA and many other groups employ to alter your behavior by manipulating the information in front of you and controlling what goes into your body, as well as how the people around you act and those you look up to.
The majority of Neurolinguistic Programming is basic saturation and repetition to access your neurology without your consent or permission.
https://i.imgur.com/nhSebwJ.png
Neuroscience students, at one point, were given sea slugs to experiment on early in their curriculum. The exercise was to apply a piece of ice to it, briefly, then apply a small electric shock, which caused the sea slug to shrivel.
Despite not having a brain, or even much of a notochord, their 20,000 or so neurons are able to learn the connection between the stimuli, on average, after about 12 shocks. Eventually, it will shrivel just at the touch of the ice.
https://i.imgur.com/ZPyS7op.png
Armed with this information, you can start to glean out how important it is not to allow yourself to be too saturated by certain messaging.
https://i.imgur.com/OjWekE4.png
The good news is that you can start participating in your own neurolinguistic programming and expose yourself to alternative sources of information. The bad news is that your opposition has already thought of this and has created numerous alternative “controlled opposition” resources that use low budget appearances and different points of view as a cover to continue to laying mind traps. Stop and consider that alternative sources of information are compromised for this reason.
https://i.imgur.com/zieayn0.png
The Tavistock Institute: Destroying The World One Lie At A Time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPVxs5YZoc8
Tavistock Policy Seminar: Whiteness – A Problem For Our Time: https://invidious.tiekoetter.com/watch?v=gL2TE_n4Jlo
How much dopamine do you need to feel "normal"?
https://i.imgur.com/HCagpDS.png
How healthy is your brain?
https://i.imgur.com/p3TpbUP.png
How healthy does Tavistock want your brain to be?
https://i.imgur.com/fRS1wfn.png
Tavistock, we have a problem....!

In the past 6 years, The Tavistock Institute has worked with five companies and organisations from different sectors – construction, policing, third sector social care, high tech global and vehicle manufacture – who, surprisingly, all asked for assistance with the same challenge …

https://archive.ph/ADLOi
From Wikipedia:

During the 1950s and 1960s, the Institute carried out a number of signature projects in collaboration with major manufacturing companies including Unilever, the Ahmedabad Manufacturing and Calico Printing Co., Shell, Bayer, and Glacier Metals. They also conducted work for the National Coal Board. Particular focuses included management, women in the workplace, and the adoption (or rejection) of new technologies. Projects on the interaction between people and technology later became known as the sociotechnical approach.
The 1950s also saw the Institute conducting consumer research and exploring attitudes to things as varied as Bovril, fish fingers, coffee and hair.[17]
In the 1960s and 1970s, there was a notable focus on public health organisations such as hospitals. Studies examined a range of aspects of healthcare, from ward management and operating theatres to the organisation of cleaning staff.[18]
More recently, the Institute has conducted work for the European Commission and British government bodies.

https://archive.ph/H684P
Oddly enough, James Alefantis' book store in DC carries copies of Tavistock Institute: Social Engineering the Masses.
https://i.imgur.com/hzt9Y1s.png

With connections to U.S. research institutes, think tanks and the drug industry, the Tavistock has a large reach...

https://archive.ph/hWOtf
Given that these shadowy hybrid organizations are allowed access to restructure your governments, schools, police departments, hospitals, workplaces; I want you to ask yourselves:

How Much Do You Trust The Medical Industrial Complex?

https://i.imgur.com/pjS8SFU.png
Enough to let them be ordered around by Bill Gates (not a doctor) or Tedros Ghebreyesus (doctor of philosophy)?
https://i.imgur.com/D2mzJUi.jpg
Hollywood isn't going to stop them.
https://i.imgur.com/jzq7m1p.png
Anyone who has been paying attention already has a pretty good idea at how far Big Pharma is willing to go to maintain their stranglehold on drug markets, inserting themselves into drug policy, drug enforcement and influence campaigns to better ensure, through regulatory capture and other means, to maintain their control of the markets and profit margins.
Experts warn that 'patient influencers' are being paid by big pharma companies to hawk drugs to US consumers without telling them

experts say that pharmaceutical companies are using small following influencers to carry out direct to consumer marketing

https://archive.ph/TER8W
This subject, alone, is enough for its own book.
https://i.imgur.com/OszYVzE.png
Citizen contacts Maryland Department of Health to find out why they are so keen to push the HPV jab on 11yo children, they cannot provide evidence, so he files a freedom of information request and discovers they've been bribed/lobbied by $91.6 million of washed Big Pharma money to market the vaccine
https://archive.ph/22Kow
Billions are spent on bots employed by Big Pharma.
https://i.imgur.com/VFajyKZ.jpg
Astroturfing money that benefits Big Pharma is coming out of your tax dollars.
Biden’s corrupt use of our money to push vax propaganda
https://archive.ph/SIDoz
When the large corporations, the government, the media and the bots on the Internet all agree, there is cause for concern. And yet, many people, not just blindly fall into these manufactured narratives, many idiots on school boards across America have turned to tyranny and threats against parents for merely questioning these narratives.
https://i.imgur.com/mXvRcJ2.jpg
People have every right to question the kabuki theater.
https://i.imgur.com/O4QArVx.png
The Medical Industrial Complex has become the latest and greatest vector for trampling on people's civil rights.
https://i.imgur.com/sm1TBvQ.jpg

A New Battlefield

Relative to OSINT, ransomware has been responsible for dumping medical intelligence on millions of patients around the world. The news has almost completely buried this story, but you can find traces of it, around. Scripps, Planned Parenthood, New Zealand and Ireland's national health services; their systems (and many others) were compromised by ransomware that dumped their databases publicly.
It was a little-known website and it started with Broward County's local government databases and quickly grew into a global problem. Anyone who was fast enough, watching the dump site (it is now shut down), was able to download huge amounts of medical OSINT.
Along with the Wuhan Institute of Virology, a number of co-conspiring groups were exposed in email/password combination leaks in April of 2020. The information that was exfiltrated (despite many denials to the media) proved that the World Health Organization wants to know a lot of details about your medical systems in order to overwhelm them using information weapons.
Of course, they don't say it quite like that, but studies on how many beds needed to be filled to shut a country down is routinely part of their literature and scenarios are mapped out and practiced where this knowledge is easily weaponized to shut down an entire country.
Exposed in these leaks was an effort by the WHO, along with Tavistock tied groups and the British military where they participated in a practice lockdown in Sierra Leone over a manufactured Ebola scare.
One theory that arose as a result of these leaks was that strains were being digitally created and then attempts to use CRISPR technology to make them real were part of Wuhan's research. My Mandarin is poor, but I am told that nearly all efforts to CRISPR a digital mock up into life almost all failed to reproduce in the wild.
Nearly 25,000 email addresses and passwords allegedly from NIH, WHO, Gates Foundation and others are dumped online
https://archive.is/PzpMq
Your medical systems are now officially part of the global information war.
Almost 50,000 Health Plan Members Affected by Ransomware Attack on Broward County Public Schools
https://archive.ph/oYtWQ
Inside Ireland’s Public Healthcare Ransomware Scare
https://archive.ph/Hl6OR
New Zealand hospital faces second week of disruption after major cyber-attack
https://archive.ph/6WvGH
UHS hit with massive cyberattack as hospitals reportedly divert surgeries, ambulances
https://archive.ph/gDbRi
May cyberattack cost Scripps nearly $113M in lost revenue, more costs
https://archive.ph/NRSpR
There is a global war on for your medical information. These are not random hackers targeting your hospitals and infrastructure. These are state actors. These state actors have successfully exfiltrated your medical data and they dumped it online to cover their tracks.
North Korea has been assigned blame and there was a cell out of Cuba, but some signs have also pointed towards US agencies participating. I hope those are rogue elements, but I'm not holding my breath.
North Korean State-Sponsored Cyber Actors Use Maui Ransomware to Target the Healthcare and Public Health Sector
https://archive.ph/8O3xt
When you begin to look the levers of power within the medical industrial complex, you will notice that it is the same cast of characters at the top, making global decisions. Both Jared Kushner and Hunter Biden involved themselves in "virus intelligence" and the people behind them looked the other way.
https://i.imgur.com/yRc8oIt.png
More and more actors are squeezing in on the medical industry and that is largely responsible for the massive rise in costs; more people are holding their hand out each time a patient is seen.
https://i.imgur.com/UKIjwKF.png
The organizational and bureaucratic costs are becoming astronomical and who do we know that involves themselves in "streamlining" medical organizations?
https://i.imgur.com/olJGF87.png
There are plenty of books written on the subject of the corruption of the medical industry. Given their track record, it seems irresponsible for any country not to keep these companies on a tight leash. For the time, it seems the other way around; Big Pharma has our governments by the leash.

How much proof do you need?

Pharma Fined 14 Billion Dollars in 5 Years
https://projects.propublica.org/graphics/bigpharma
“From 1991 through 2015, a total of 373 settlements were reached between the federal and state governments and pharmaceutical manufacturers, for a total of $35.7 billion. Of these, 140 were federal settlements, for $31.9 billion, and 233 were state settlements, for $3.8 billion.”
https://www.citizen.org/wp-content/uploads/migration/2311.pdf
Purdue OxyContin settlement would rank among largest in pharma history
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-purdue-pharma-settlement-history-fact/purdue-oxycontin-settlement-would-rank-among-largest-in-pharma-history-idUSKCN1VW2KL
Opioid Scandal Haunts Drug Companies As They Respond To Pandemic
https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/08/10/900854967/opioid-scandal-haunts-drug-companies-as-they-respond-to-pandemic
Iraq war victims allege pharmaceutical companies' bribery led to U.S. troop deaths
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/10/17/iraq-war-victims-allege-pharmaceutical-companies-bribery-led-u-s-troop-deaths/771290001/

AstraZeneca

Drug Giant AstraZeneca to Pay $520 Million to Settle Fraud Case
https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/Health/astrazeneca-pay-520-million-illegally-marketing-seroquel-schizophrenia/story?id=10488647
AstraZeneca takes $6m hit after 'faking conferences' to bribe doctors
https://www.standard.co.uk/business/astrazeneca-takes-6m-hit-after-faking-conferences-to-bribe-doctors-a3333166.html

Johnson & Johnson

Court Documents: Johnson & Johnson Was ‘Kingpin’ In Opioid Epidemic And Targeted Children, Elderly With Marketing
https://khn.org/morning-breakout/court-documents-johnson-johnson-was-kingpin-in-opioid-epidemic-and-targeted-children-elderly-with-marketing/
Johnson & Johnson to pay $2.2 billion to end U.S. drug probes
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-jnj-settlement/johnson-johnson-said-to-pay-2-2-billion-to-end-u-s-marketing-probes-idUSBRE9A30MM20131104
”…the company (J&J) knew there was asbestos in products aimed at mothers and babies, knew of the potential harm and “misrepresented the safety of these products for decades.”
https://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory/johnson-johnson-asks-high-court-void-2b-talc-77997067
$750 million: Johnson & Johnson ordered to pay in baby powder case
https://www.daytondailynews.com/news/national/750-million-johnson-johnson-ordered-pay-baby-powder-case/UXrlMgzhabcri6eym3bsGP/
Johnson & Johnson to pay $572m for fueling Oklahoma opioid crisis, judge rules
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/aug/26/johnson-and-johnson-opioid-crisis-ruling-responsibility-oklahoma-latest
Johnson & Johnson settles Ohio lawsuits to avoid federal trial
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-johnson-johnson-opioid-ohio-idUSKBN1WH00F
J&J unit to pay $360 million to U.S. to resolve charity kickback probe
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-johnson-johnson-settlement-idUSKBN1O51XB

Pfizer

Pfizer accuses Johnson & Johnson of 'anticompetitive practices' in lawsuit
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2017/09/20/pfizer-accuses-johnson-johnson-anticompetitive-practices-lawsuit/684374001/
Pfizer to pay $2.3 billion, agrees to criminal plea
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-settlement-sb-idUSTRE5813XB20090903
Nigeria sues Pfizer for $7bn over 'illegal' tests on children
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2007/jun/05/health.healthandwellbeing1
“At Pfizer I was expected to increase profits at all costs, even when sales meant endangering lives.”
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-whistleblower-idUSN021592920090903
Pfizer settles foreign bribery case with U.S. government
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-settlement-idUSBRE8760WM20120807
Pfizer in $486 million settlement of Celebrex, Bextra litigation
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-lawsuit-idUSKCN10D1D8
Pfizer has a policy against ghostwriters, but when it acquired Parke and its Neurontin blockbuster it apparently bought an enthusiastic ghostwriting shop within it.”
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/inside-pfizers-ghostwriting-shop-friendly-drug-studies-for-just-1000/#app
Pfizer to Pay $430 Million Fine over Illegal Marketing
https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1895708
Pfizer "Bribe" Scandal in Philippines Heats Up; Company Offered Posters to the President
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/pfizer-bribe-scandal-in-philippines-heats-up-company-offered-posters-to-the-president/

GlaxoSmithKline

GlaxoSmithKline settles healthcare fraud case for $3 billion
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-glaxo-settlement-idUSBRE8610S720120702
Glaxo given 'serious' warning on false vaccine information
https://www.theguardian.com/business/2004/jul/14/health.medicineandhealth
Glaxo to pay $750 million in adulterated drugs case
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-glaxosmithkline-settlement/glaxo-to-pay-750-million-in-adulterated-drugs-case-idUSTRE69P4GH20101027
Evidence grows for narcolepsy link to GSK swine flu shot
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-narcolepsy-vaccine-pandemrix-idUSBRE90L07H20130122
“There’s no doubt in my mind whatsoever that Pandemrix increased the occurrence of narcolepsy onset in children in some countries - and probably in most countries,” says Mignot, a specialist in the sleep disorder at Stanford University in the United States.
UK study strengthens link between GSK flu shot and narcolepsy
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-flu-gsk-narcolepsy-britain-idUSBRE90U0JW20130131
Chinese police charge British former head of GSK in China with bribery
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-china-glaxosmithkline/chinese-police-charge-british-former-head-of-gsk-in-china-with-bribery-idUSBREA4D03720140514
Sex video new twist in GSK China bribery scandal
https://uk.reuters.com/article/uk-gsk-china-idUKKBN0F40YR20140630

Not sure where to really start, but the last year has been a hellscape. I've always suffered from depression since I was pretty young, never had really experienced any mania - but that changed in 2020. Over the course of the last year, I have experienced 3 mood episodes in which I experienced elevated moods that were unusual for me. I'm normally such a quiet introverted person, but the moment one of these episodes hit, it's like a switch flip. I:

• Become overly confident (almost god complex tier)
• Start working on achieving lots of things such as starting to do multiple freelance marketing campaigns on top of my work and other projects I am already working on
• become swept up in this feeling of euphoria, I feel so good that it becomes overwhelming
• Start to make really poor spending decisions - eating out a lot, buying coffee equipment and maxing out things like afterpay or ZIP
• Have lots of trouble sleeping - but have plenty of energy the next day
• Feel like I am invincible and stop caring about my surroundings - I'll cross the road fearlessly even when cars are metres away cause I know I won't be hit like I can predict the flow of traffic
• I start to get really irritable and impatient with everyone around me
• Eventually, I start to feel like I am being watched or gangstalked and will go off the deep end with delusions of being caught in some conspiracy where everyone, including my Drs are out to get me

These will usually be followed by a period of depression.
The first episode I had I was unmedicated and lasted about 2 and half months until I went to the hospital once I started having delusions, but due to a previous diagnosis of BPD, my mood symptoms were seemingly ignored and was put on Seroquel to help with the psychotic symptoms and mirtazapine to help with sleep. Eventually, the mirtazapine caused another longer mood episode and I was hospitalised - it was then that I found out about my family history of Bipolar. I then had another shorter episode over the last month.
I finally had a chance to have an appointment with my long term psychologist last week (was on a waiting list due to covid). He recommended that I go to my psychiatrist and explore an evaluation for Bipolar, due to the experiences I had, my family history and his professional opinion as my therapist since 2017 - he even suggested I might be experiencing some rapid cycling.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist this Friday and I am just so nervous - he is aware of my mood episodes. I saw him for the first time just prior to my recent episode, when I wanted to go back on ADHD meds (he was wary about this as he didn't want to trigger another episode).
People who have had to go in and be evaluated, what was your experience? I don't really have anyone around me who have been through this and I just feel so alone and scared right now.

Trigger Warning: talks about radical feminism and transphobia--please, if you are trans, don't read further.
Like many of us here, I go through a lot of periods where I think I'm bipolar and other times where I don't believe I am at all. Looking back on the last 2 years or so (when was it that covid started??)--I think it's safe to say my illness has spiraled out of control.
First, I got roped into radical feminism. I wasn't going in hateful, it was the first time I could talk to others, openly, about the abuse I had faced from men, and misogyny, and etc etc. If you don't know about radical feminism, it is not just transphobia--it actually, legit feels like a cult--but not a popular one and not one that has a survivor's group, and definitely not one that you will have any sympathy from escaping. They prey, I believe, on isolated, traumatized, and mentally ill women. Then they convince you that you aren't mentally ill, it's really just abuse from men. Some of the things that they believe are that men are genuinely all rapists, most of them advocate for total separation from men or they try and convince you that you are "comp-het" which means you are actually a lesbian you are just brainwashed to be heterosexual. They are not just afraid of trans people, they legit hate them. I was constantly called out for being too "kind" because I thought that it was "just an illness" instead of perverts that just wanted to rape women. Even typing this out I am humiliated that I believed these things. I eventually did become radicalized enough to be outright hateful.
I was already losing friends when covid hit, then I had no one except for my partner. I spent, probably 10 hours a day online. I was on reddit, then discord, then more and more private servers. I GENUINELY believe that the entire movement was to get women to vote conservative. I won't go into the craziest shit that was said but ultimately if you weren't a lesbian, you were shit out of luck. Men were absolutely the enemy and were to be avoided at all costs. A lot of infighting but many did believe that testosterone was poison, that all men secretly wanted to rape women, that trans people only transition to have easier access to women, some went so far as to say penetration of any kind, even between lesbians, was rape. I started to become friends with some trans people on the periphery which I believe finally started to help me get out. I started to speak up about the fact that if we are truly for women, there are a million and one things more important than fighting some bogeyman trans person--and while I got a lot of agreement, the stress and the infighting was too much. I tried to speak out against being co-opted by the right, but I finally left for good when people defended Greg Abbott after the abortion ban because "at least he knows what a real woman is."
I have no idea if I was in an episode that entire time or if that was actually me. I do know that I was hardly sleeping and in chat rooms at all waking hours (that is humiliating to even state) and I also know that I tried to get my previous friends on board and they don't talk to me anymore. Honestly, that was coming anyways but holy shit am I beyond ashamed and embarrassed.
It took a good couple of months for me to realize just how close I was to completely losing myself, and to be honest I felt some pride that I was able to get myself back out. Then, I started to focus on CPTSD and trauma work. I found "The Holistic Psychologist" on instagram. She does not say it outright, but she heavily implies that mental illness at the very least is way over-diagnosed if not downright false. I ate everything she said up, and did feel like I was making significant progress. And I DO believe I was making progress--mostly from getting off social media altogether and focusing on healing. The only social media I used was her private website, which you pay monthly to be able to access. I had a good couple of months and began to go down on my medicine as I no longer believed I was bipolar.
Eventually I started to become extremely paranoid, but I told myself this was due to trauma. I then stopped sleeping, and started seroquel back up but continued not being able to sleep. I ordered about $3k worth of clothes and began demo-ing my bathroom to be remodeled, at which point I stopped and thought, "this is familiar, and I think I am bipolar." Which made all of the previous cards (It's all trauma, I just need to heal through (mindfulness, diet, self-love), there is no such thing as mental illness, etc etc) fall down.
I then thought back through the previous 6 months, after I got out of radical feminism. I went through a huge anti-psych period. On the periphery of the holistic psychologist there are all kinds of influencers and what have you that believe that we can be healed with our thoughts, are all into various snake-oil light wellness products (think GOOP and the like), and usually a huge push for taking psychedelics, especially shrooms. It was strange because I had 100% convinced myself I wasn't bipolar. Then, right after the realization that I was likely in a manic episode, I listened to a podcast about pastel Q--which is essentially Q Anon but people are instead radicalized through alternative medicine. And all of a sudden all of the weird "health and bodily autonomy posts" made a lot of sense.
And now I am fucking terrified. Why does it seem like any direction I turn, I'm being radicalized? Where is it even safe for me to turn? I honestly don't even know if I can have friends right now because I am terrified they might also try and radicalize me or that they will witness me get dragged into something else and will have to suffer the humiliation of them seeing it.
Is there something really fucked up happening in the world? Am I that fucking weak and vulnerable that it's not even that others are radicalizing me, I am just somehow drawn to all of the ways to be sucked up into this shit? And of course, this just makes me think there are MORE conspiracy theories because what the fuck? How is this even happening and how could this have happened to ME?
10 years ago I graduated cum laude, had plenty of friends, was well liked. I started a job, was promoted quickly, and felt like I had it all. Now, I am so isolated that I have almost no one left and I've been sucked into cult-like conspiracy theories--once completely and once just on the periphery. What can I do to protect myself?

I'm getting to a really good place in my healing. I was diagnosed about 3 months ago and have been on seroquel for about 2. The change in me is like night and day. My paranoid delusions are gone. I can tell the difference between what I thought was real and what was actually real.
My greatest delusions were persecutory and perceptual. Meaning, I mostly dealt with delusions that people wanted to hurt me emotionally or physically or that there were conspiracies against me from people close to me. I sometimes can't believe that I was so immersed in delusions that to me now seem so completely impossible to be real, yet, of course, while still really sick, I firmly believed them all to be true and no one could talk me out of it. And if they tried, I would link them to the conspiracy.
I caused a lot of destruction in relationships and lost a lot of people in my life because I had no idea I had schizophrenia and neither did they. Now that I have been diagnosed and am on meds, all of those delusions have disappeared and I am slowly telling people what happened and apologizing despite it being a mental illness.
I'm running into a very difficult situation that I'm not sure how to process. Many people don't believe me. Meaning, they literally refuse to believe I'm schizophrenic and refuse to reconnect. In fact, many have abandoned me after I told them I was.
I understand the impact of my actions while not intentional and caused by mental illness and I understand that despite it being my mental illness that it still caused people a lot of hurt and anger and in some cases, trauma. But I also know that I was not in the drivers seat and that I am no longer like that. My meds are doing wonders for me and literally saving my life.
So have any of you dealt with this? How do you reconcile with the idea that some people just don't believe you? It feels like saying "Hey I have brain cancer that made me do fucked up shit and now the tumour has been removed and I'm healed." And them saying "I don't care that you had cancer. You're a horrible person."
It's so hard to feel like you're being punished for something that you had absolutely no control over. I'm having a really hard time with this. Any words of experience are appreciated.

Pharma is criminal and research is mostly false but “Covid” and experimental “vaccines” are legit?
Pharma is criminal. ^{1 - 17}
Re$earch mostly false. ^{18 - 26}
CDC and WHO are corrupt. ^{27, 28}
FDA is corrupt. ^{29, - 40}
Johns Hopkins is corrupt. ^{41, 42, 43}
Dr. Fauci is corrupt. ^{44, 45, 46}
Somehow experimental “vaccines” involving all of the above criminals are good?

Trust the $cience

1. SARS-CoV-2 has never been properly isolated/purified ^{47, 48 49}
2. Drosten’s “Covid” PCR test is a scam creating false positives mislabeled as “asymptomatic” ^{50, 51, 52}
3. The experimental “vaccines” made by a criminal industry are injuring and killing people ^{53 - 57}
4. WHO, CDC, AMA, every “health” system in the world including China^58, “philanthropical” foundations, “mainstream” media outlets^59, and major universities are controlled by the criminal Pharma complex and its overlords

"We know the only people who benefited were pharmaceutical companies. They had a **huge influence in defining what a pandemic is." ⁶⁰ -Newport West MP Paul Flynn, 2010

Covid-1984: Requiem for a Scam

Event 201: Novel Coronavirus Simulation

October 18, 2019 in NYC: Bill Gates, Johns Hopkins and Klaus Schwab’s WEF hosted Event 201, a tabletop exercise that simulated a global pandemic resulting from a novel coronavirus.
Also starting October 18th in Wuhan, China:
The 2019 Military World Games.

Covid-1984 theatre

On June 11th, the 95 year old Queen Elizabeth mingled without masks with her international cohorts, laughing it up, while the alleged “vaccine-evading” “variants” were lurking everywhere?

“…the government said that as of June 6, the vaccine provided 64% protection against infection.” ⁶¹

The Queen meets G7 leaders at summit reception on June 11th https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=enqd-I-U0JQ
They have the intelligence agencies telling them of threats before the public hears them.

“Leaders from the seven countries met on Friday evening (June 11) at The Eden Project in Cornwall during the summit. ⁶²
Three generations of the royal family attended the event with The Queen, Prince Charles, Camilla, Prince William and Kate all in attendance, according to CornwallLive.”
“Tim Spector, an epidemiologist at King's College London, previously told Insider that while there's no evidence that Delta is deadlier, it is more infectious, and "because of that extra stickiness, it's going to still keep breaking through the vaccine group." ⁶³

They’d never risk it.
Three generations of the royal family there too?

It’s a scam

REFERENCES
(1) https://www.reuters.com/article/us-purdue-pharma-settlement-history-fact/purdue-oxycontin-settlement-would-rank-among-largest-in-pharma-history-idUSKCN1VW2KL
(2) Pharma Fined 14 Billion Dollars in 5 Years https://projects.propublica.org/graphics/bigpharma
(3) Pfizer to pay $2.3 billion, agrees to criminal plea https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-settlement-sb-idUSTRE5813XB20090903
(4) Nigeria sues Pfizer for $7bn over 'illegal' tests on children https://www.theguardian.com/world/2007/jun/05/health.healthandwellbeing1
(5) “At Pfizer I was expected to increase profits at all costs, even when sales meant endangering lives.” https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-whistleblower-idUSN021592920090903
(6) Pfizer settles foreign bribery case with U.S. government https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-settlement-idUSBRE8760WM20120807
(7) Pfizer in $486 million settlement of Celebrex, Bextra litigation https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-lawsuit-idUSKCN10D1D8
(8) “Pfizer has a policy against ghostwriters, but when it acquired Parke and its Neurontin blockbuster it apparently bought an enthusiastic ghostwriting shop within it.”https://www.cbsnews.com/news/inside-pfizers-ghostwriting-shop-friendly-drug-studies-for-just-1000/#app
(9) Pfizer to Pay $430 Million Fine over Illegal Marketing https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1895708
(10) Pfizer "Bribe" Scandal in Philippines Heats Up; Company Offered Posters to the President https://www.cbsnews.com/news/pfizer-bribe-scandal-in-philippines-heats-up-company-offered-posters-to-the-president/
(11) ”The evidence, Burlison wrote, included that the company knew there was asbestos in products aimed at mothers and babies, knew of the potential harm and “misrepresented the safety of these products for decades.” https://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory/johnson-johnson-asks-high-court-void-2b-talc-77997067
(12) Johnson & Johnson to pay $2.2 billion to end U.S. drug probes https://www.reuters.com/article/us-jnj-settlement/johnson-johnson-said-to-pay-2-2-billion-to-end-u-s-marketing-probes-idUSBRE9A30MM20131104
(13) $750 million: Johnson & Johnson ordered to pay in baby powder case https://www.daytondailynews.com/news/national/750-million-johnson-johnson-ordered-pay-baby-powder-case/UXrlMgzhabcri6eym3bsGP/
(14) Johnson & Johnson to pay $572m for fueling Oklahoma opioid crisis, judge rules https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/aug/26/johnson-and-johnson-opioid-crisis-ruling-responsibility-oklahoma-latest
(15) Johnson & Johnson settles Ohio lawsuits to avoid federal trial https://www.reuters.com/article/us-johnson-johnson-opioid-ohio-idUSKBN1WH00F
(16) J&J unit to pay $360 million to U.S. to resolve charity kickback probe https://www.reuters.com/article/us-johnson-johnson-settlement-idUSKBN1O51XB
(17) Drug Giant AstraZeneca to Pay $520 Million to Settle Fraud Case https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/Health/astrazeneca-pay-520-million-illegally-marketing-seroquel-schizophrenia/story?id=10488647
(18) Merck skewed tests of the mumps vaccine by adding animal antibodies to blood samples https://www.reuters.com/article/health-vaccine-idUSL1N0YQ0W820150604
(19) ”Merck Created Hit List to "Destroy," "Neutralize" or "Discredit" Dissenting Doctors” https://www.cbsnews.com/news/merck-created-hit-list-to-destroy-neutralize-or-discredit-dissenting-doctors/
(20) ”New Merck Allegations: A Fake Journal; Ghostwritten Studies; Vioxx Pop Songs; PR Execs Harass Reporters” https://www.cbsnews.com/news/new-merck-allegations-a-fake-journal-ghostwritten-studies-vioxx-pop-songs-pr-execs-harass-reporters/
(21)“Why Most Published Research Findings Are False” -John P.A. Ioannidis https://journals.plos.org/plosmedicine/article?id=10.1371/journal.pmed.0020124
(22) Peer review: a flawed process at the heart of science and journals https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/014107680609900414
(23) Most scientists 'can't replicate studies by their peers' https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-39054778
(24) A Massive Hoax Involving 20 Fake Culture Studies Papers Just Exploded in Academia https://www.sciencealert.com/cultural-studies-sokal-squared-hoax-20-fake-papers
(25) ”Dr. Richard Horton is the editor in chief of the world’s leading medical journal, The Lancet. Writing in his own journal he states that medical science has “taken a turn towards darkness.” https://www.thelancet.com/pdfs/journals/lancet/PIIS0140-6736%2815%2960696-1.pdf
(26) “The medical profession is being bought by the pharmaceutical industry, not only in terms of the practice of medicine, but also in terms of teaching and research.” -Arnold Seymour Relman, former Harvard professor of medicine and former Editor-in-Chief of The New England Medical Journal https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1126053/#ref15
(27) CDC and WHO Corrupt Financial Entanglements with the Vaccine Industry childrenshealthdefense(dot)org/cdc-who/ Site blocked by Reddit?
(28) Examining RFK Jr.'s claim that the CDC “Owns over 20 vaccine patents.” greenmedinfo(dot)com/blog/examining-rfk-jrs-claim-cdc-owns-over-20-vaccine-patents Site blocked by Reddit?
(29) FDA "Corruption" Letter Authenticated: Lawyers, Start Your Engines! https://www.cbsnews.com/news/fda-corruption-letter-authenticated-lawyers-start-your-engines/
(30) Hidden conflicts? Pharma payments to FDA advisers after drug approvals spark ethical concerns https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2018/07/hidden-conflicts-pharma-payments-fda-advisers-after-drug-approvals-spark-ethical
(31) Risky Drugs: Why The FDA Cannot Be Trusted https://ethics.harvard.edu/blog/risky-drugs-why-fda-cannot-be-trusted
(32) FDA conceals serious research misconduct–fraud, deception, even deaths https://ahrp.org/fda-conceals-collaborates-in-serious-research-misconduct-fraud-deception-adverse-events/
(33) The Food and Drug Administration has a sordid history of scandals involving conflicts of interests, cover-ups, corruption and congressional investigations https://www.ennislaw.com/blog/essure-depicts-classic-examples-fda-conflicts-and-corruption/
(34) Former FDA Official Pleads Guilty in Generic Drug Scandal https://apnews.com/article/4341009a667c3195829a79728d6774b3
(35) Exposing the FDA https://www.nytimes.com/1989/09/10/business/exposing-the-fda.html
(36) How Independent is the FDA? https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/prescription/hazard/independent.html
(37) The Pharmaceutical Industry, Institutional Corruption, and Public Health https://ethics.harvard.edu/pharmaceutical-industry-institutional-corruption-and-public-health
(38) Lies and Deception How the FDA Does Not Protect Your Best Interests https://smart-publications.com/articles/lies-and-deception-how-the-fda-does-not-protect-your-best-interests/
(39) A Look At How The Revolving Door Spins From FDA To Industry https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/09/28/495694559/a-look-at-how-the-revolving-door-spins-from-fda-to-industry
(40) FDA Depends on Industry Funding; Money Comes with “Strings Attached” https://www.pogo.org/investigation/2016/12/fda-depends-on-industry-funding-money-comes-with-strings-attached/
(41) 2013: “Doubts about Johns Hopkins research have gone unanswered, scientist says” https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/economy/doubts-about-johns-hopkins-research-have-gone-unanswered-scientist-says/2013/03/11/52822cba-7c84-11e2-82e8-61a46c2cde3d_story.html
(42) Johns Hopkins connected to Skull & Bones since 1876. The school’s first president was “Bonesman” Daniel Coit Gilman.
(43) Connection Between the Rockefeller Foundation, Johns Hopkins, and Gates Foundations https://needtoknow.news/2020/03/need-to-know-connection-between-the-rockefeller-foundation-johns-hopkins-university-and-the-bill-and-melinda-gates-foundation/
(44) Kary Mullis, PCR inventor: Talks about Fauci https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5aISPlTLbJo
(45) Anthony Fauci: 40 Years of Lies From AZT to Remdesivir https://off-guardian.org/2020/10/27/anthony-fauci-40-years-of-lies-from-azt-to-remdesivi
(46) “AIDS war profiteering. NIH’s Fauci and Gilead’s Martin: junk science and oligarchic capitalism” by Terry Michael https://carterheavyindustries.files.wordpress.com/2020/06/aids_war_profiteering_by_terry_michael_may2014.pdf
(47) https://off-guardian.org/2021/01/31/phantom-virus-in-search-of-sars-cov-2/
(48) https://blog.nomorefakenews.com/2021/05/31/wuhan-lab-bioweapon-gain-of-function-but-the-virus-doesnt-exist/
(49) https://theinfectiousmyth.com/coronavirus/IsolationVersusPurification.php
(50) https://uncoverdc.com/2020/12/03/ten-fatal-errors-scientists-attack-paper-that-established-global-pcr-driven-lockdown
(51) External peer review of the RTPCR test to detect SARS-CoV-2 reveals 10 major scientific flaws at the molecular and methodological level: consequences for false positive results. https://cormandrostenreview.com/report/
(52) Post-lockdown SARS-CoV-2 nucleic acid screening in nearly ten million residents of Wuhan, China https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-020-19802-w
(53) https://aim4truth.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/Front-Line-Workers-Testimony-on-Vaccinations.pdf
(54) “We have now a whistleblower inside the CMS, and we have two whistleblowers in the CDC. We think we have 50,000 dead Americans.” -Dr. Peter McCullough https://www.algora.com/Algora_blog/2021/06/27/dr-peter-mccullough-whistleblowers-inside-cdc-claim-injections-have-already-killed-50000-americans
(55) “So what I’m telling people about is not some theory, this is what I have seen in my own patients. I’ve been a doctor to these patients for 28 years and now three of them are disabled by this first (Moderna) vaccine.”- Dr. Charles Hoffe https://hive.blog/hive-110786/@druttesjbdolck
(56) Dr. Sucharit Bhakdi- Stop Everything Now https://odysee.com/@TruthPills:5/sucharit-stop-now:0
(57) https://www.vaxlonghaulers.com/
(58) https://rockfound.rockarch.org/china-medical-board
(59) http://carlbernstein.com/magazine_cia_and_media.php
(60) https://www.bbc.com/news/10396382
(61) https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/medical/cdc-delta-variant-now-makes-up-more-than-half-of-coronavirus-cases-in-us/ar-AALShFT
(62) https://www.nottinghampost.com/news/uk-world-news/queen-boris-johnson-lip-reader-5525036
(63) https://www.businessinsider.com/covid-expert-vaccinated-people-can-spread-the-delta-variant-2021-7

MY BEST ADVICE FOR THOSE EXPERIENCING V2K - I BEAT IT AND YOU CAN TOO!!!!! remember most of their tactics are about manipulating your beliefs, DO NOT give into this idea that it "never ends". That is BULLSHIT, and it's exactly what "they/it" want you to believe.
What to say about V2K?
Usually multiple voices, with no recognizable human morals or ethics just saying the most extremely terrible things over and over again. Not actually “inside” your head (at least it wasn’t for me), but maybe from behind you over your shoulder or to the side kind of floating. This may be different for everyone. They may try to convince you that you are “psychic” (no shit, everybody is psychic just many of us never explore our psychic potential) or you are hearing Demons or Satan or Aliens or Deep State agents or Illuminati or whatever they think they can use in your belief systems to manipulate you most easily. Personally, I just don’t give a fuck who they are or why it happened to me, I just needed it to stop so I MADE IT STOP.
I call the neighbors who started the torture “the originators” as in the originators of the AI-controlled V2K torture/harassment. They lived below me, and seemed by most accounts to be pretty normal people...until the thing started, then door slamming intentionally loud in sync with when I leave, following me very closely on my way to my car, throwing a knife at my cat... these are all things that happened before they finally moved out. They seemed very “Q-Anon” conservative good ol’ boy. They talked about how Trump would become president again very soon after Biden was ousted by violent coup, they said this to my Dad I think because he is a gun rights advocate and they thought of him as friendly or sympathetic to their views. My Dad said he seemed “batshit crazy”. They often encouraged me to “accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior”, and also often told me “Satan is REAL!”...I was extremely convinced they were Satanists, but they always insisted they weren’t. EXACTLY WHAT A SATANIST WOULD SAY, ACTING JUST LIKE THEIR DARK LORD THE ULTIMATE LYING TRICKSTER. Lol but i don’t really know what their deal was.
I think they moved out because I was legitimately on the verge of throwing a Molotov cocktail through their kitchen window and jumping in afterwards armed with a hammer, knives and mace to throw down. It wasn’t until I was outside their window with a torch and molotov cocktail in hand that I finally heard a “No, no don’t do that...” from them. I also stood out by the guy’s pickup truck with my hammer telling him I was ready to smash in his windows. I filed a police report on them for throwing a knife at my cat, and they called the police on me for knocking angrily at their door to demand them to stop fucking with me. To which the guy made a cocking gun sound behind his door and opened it just to say “NICE TRY, FUCKER!!!” and slam the door in my face. Another possibility is that inspite of all the bullshit, I actually got a great job in the middle of all this, and promised them over and over I was buying a gun with my first paycheck and I was going to pay them back for all the torture that nearly led me and my family being completely ruined. I have a wife and 9 month old daughter that wasn’t even 2 months old when this started, i’m sure you can guess the kinds of things I had to tolerate hearing about my newborn baby daughter.
Now I have a shotgun, and I’d love to see those neighbors again. Part of me still wants to hire a Private Investigator to find out who they were and where they are, just in case I ever need to track them down, yknow, just to say hi =D
I want to propose that at least for some of you experiencing V2K, this is how the process goes:
They start it off with close proximity torture/harassment. This is the “entrainment” phase. You may notice a tinnitus sound while this is happening. What they are doing is using Pavlovian conditioning to build the association between the frequencies and the voices. I believe at the same time there is hypnosis going on thru this “Silent Sound” method described by Lowery in the patents exposed by raven1.net. Just a brief search online shows plenty of info on this method.
Basically, the carrier frequency (for me definitely around 14,500 Hz) is frequency modulated using a hypnotist’s voice for pulsed modulation. So there is silent hypnosis embedded in the signal which often sounds like tinnitus. They hit you with that at the same time as NLP conversational if you listen (DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM).
Repetition is key for them, because what they are doing is using leading anchor words/phrases such as “We have to tell you something....” and they wait for your mind to fill in the blanks, or fill it in themselves with something horrible to try and convince you it was your thought (if it doesn’t seem like something you would think, it is almost certainly their disgusting thought). They say the same things over and over so that in the next step when it goes remote because you move or get yourself out of their proximity however you can...your subconscious mind can re-create the torture dialogue.
The subconscious mind is hugely powerful, and has the capacity to act as a replay device under post-hypnotic suggestion (something like “You hear our voices torture/harass you from memory every time your ears ring”). These replays can be extremely convincing because it is so similar to the close-quarters torture/entrainment phase. I recommend watching Bruce Lipton’s videos about the subconscious mind, they were very illuminating for me.
I know many people will not believe me or will have different experiences, but my belief about this is that once you are out of proximity of the close-quarters torture/harassment the voices are activated by beaming the 14,500 Hz frequency at you as the main catalyst to make your subconscious replay a convincing recreation of their torture/harassment.
So, YES... I think if you deal with the frequency via hematite ear plugs (see below) and use an extremely strong affirmation for AT LEAST a month AT LEAST say 50 times a day, repeated not only mentally but OUT LOUD (and out loud in the mirror is even better)....YOU CAN BEAT THIS.
The affirmation for me was probably the best thing I found. It goes like this:
“I only react to suggestions that are both positive and constructive for me, personally...”
and repeat...it flows if you’ll notice...
“Personally, I only react to suggestions that are both positive and constructive for me...”
and so the end becomes the beginning, it flows really nicely. If you sing your affirmation or hum a tune with it, it is even more powerful.
Another very powerful way to communicate to the subconscious is to use past tense when talking about “the voices”. It also helps to dehumanize the voices by referring to them as “it”. I truly believe that the voices are mostly run by an AI after the first entrainment part, so “it” actually really is an “it”, basically a computer program.
The last subconscious part I will tell you is about visualizing. If there is something that excites you so much it’s like an obsession, allow yourself to daydream about it. Personally, I write out my visualizations, the more realistic it is in terms of something you can actually accomplish in the future, the better. Make sure you visualize yourself as free of the voices, and do it in first person as though you are in your body in the future, not like a floating camera view which dissociates you from the vision. The more intense the positive feelings are when you imagine your happy, free future self, the better. Many times for me this means writing erotica, because I am a very very horny man and it feels good to imagine myself in future sexy situations with my wifey. All the bullshit falls away while I intensely visualize myself enjoying and giving great pleasure in the future.
COPING TIPS for V2K (if perps are in proximity):

1 - DON’T LISTEN!!! AT ALL!!! EVERYTHING THEY SAY IS LIES, ALL LIES...THEY WILL MOST LIKELY THREATEN ALL SORTS OF EVIL VIOLENCE, BUT THEY WILL NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH WITH ANY OF IT. They use NLP conversational hypnosis to fuck your head up. (Look up “And My Voice Will Go WIth You” by Melton Erickson, I think this is the basic technique they use to make it seem like their voices “follow” you.) Use earbuds all the time, turn them up as loud as you need to. BUY EARMUFFS like construction earmuffs. These helped tremendously! The best I found was to use wireless earbuds with the earmuffs on over top. I now sleep with this setup all night, and I use nightime subliminal audio and frequency tracks like “Sleep Healing” by NeuralSync. Not a plug for them necessarily, there are quite a few similar companies with similar products. I also made custom self-hypnosis tapes in my own voice which helped a ton.

2 - Cannabis &/or alcohol. I know this is controversial for some, but I had gone sober when this started for me and I wish i would have started drinking and smoking again sooner. I am lucky enough to live in a state with legal cannabis, that helps a ton. My belief is that cannabis actually improves neuroplasticity which helps fight the frequency entrainment plus it’s relaxing, and the alcohol just helps relax and not give a fuck. Electric Angel (whose books are fascinating reads) says it breaks down the V2 facial nerve hidden hearing system polymer antenna they use to send the voices. Read “The Radiohead Protocol”.

3 - SLEEP. If they are disturbing your sleep, use sleep aids like melatonin, benadryl, chelated magnesium or seroquel. Seroquel requires a prescription, but prescribed as a sleep aid for me early on this made it possible to sleep soundly during the WORST parts of this torture/harassment.

4 - Hypnotherapy. That’s right, you’ve been hypnotized covertly against your will. To fight this, you can go to a REAL hypnotist of your choosing and tell them you need help with “invasive voices”. DO NOT tell them about the TI stuff or any conspiracy stuff or they will probably not want to see you, I found this out the hard way. The hypnotherapist I went to helped A LOT.

5 - If you are in the house all the time, GET OUT as much as you possibly can. I don’t care what it takes or how scared you are, if you stay home while they torture you in close proximity everything gets SO MUCH WORSE. I found this out because this whole thing started happening right in the middle of COVID lockdown where basically everything was shut down. I started going to Panera to get some space and relief, and wish I would have started going sooner.

6 - Physical activities, something with lots of contact would be great. Team sports, even better. Get outside your comfort zone, exercise is your friend in this fight for sure. Kicking a soccer ball (I like to use a rebounder net), bouncing a basketball, bumping a volleyball...try juggling if sports is too much for you. When you make the subconscious mind learn a new skill, it occupies that extra processing power that is used to trigger your subconscious into a replay of the torture/harassment and you will notice the voices just VANISH when you are really truly concentrated on learning a new physical skill.

SOLUTIONS for V2K (w/tinnitus and w/o perps in proximity):

1 - Use the tinnitus app “Oto” (both Android & Apple) and go through the initial test where you find what frequency is coming at you (if it’s like mine at right around 14,500 Hz the next tip should DEFINITELY work for you). The breathing exercises are also extremely helpful, and I know some people have “controlled breathing” work for them as a stand-alone solution. For me the next solution (hematite plugs) was necessary for complete destruction of the voices.

2 - Hematite gauge plugs, the kind people use to gauge their ears. Size 00 works for me, I just stick one just outside my ear canal or push it in a little bit and this works WONDERS. My guess as to why this works is that the piezoelectric properties of hematite interrupt and distort the signal coming into the ear canal, so the “decode” of the pulsed frequency modulation (FM) doesn’t work right. The ringing may get louder, mind you, but what would you prefer, an annoying ringing in your ears or a hate group that talks shit at you 24/7???

3 - Frequency apps like “Isotones”, just go through and find frequencies that work for you. Be prepared for the voices to scream bloody murder at first and it may sound really weird like heavily fuzzed and modulated.

4 - STAY BUSY. Really busy. With complex or engaging tasks. I found that reading a sci-fi book silenced them entirely as long as I was reading.

5 - Everything from the proximity list still applies...except getting out of the house as much as possible, which isn’t necessary as long as you’ve gotten out of the place where the entrainment/torture/harassment happened because it is extremely tough to shake the association of the place it started. I still call my old apartment the “torture chamber” because for me, it was that.

Finally, Keep in Mind that NO MATTER WHAT COPING SKILLS OR SOLUTIONS YOU USE...essentially, the only way to kill these voices for good is getting out of the proximity of the torturers and then commanding your subconscious mind to filter the voices out. Your subconscious mind is the filter for what is important, so you have to find the right affirmations for yourself to show your subconscious mind in extremely clear terms that the invasive voices spout nothing but WORTHLESS GARBAGE and should be filtered/silenced/ignored/deleted entirely. Something like:
“My subconscious mind always filters out and permanently deletes the worthless garbage input of invasive voices.”
Play around with it, make it yours. STAY STRONG. BE SMART. WIN.
Recommended reading:
The Radiohead Protocol (by Electric Angel)
NLP: The Essential Guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming
Mind of a Winner (by Lanny Bassham) - this explains the subconscious really well and gives a system for a “Directive Afformation” which is an incredibly powerful tool.
Perfected Mind Control (by Dantalion Jones) - this book contains a hypnosis technique where you “covertly install your voice” into someone’s mind. You’ll want to record the “Open Process” in your own voice and listen to it yourself as much as needed. This is actually to reinforce your own inner voice as a HELPFUL, SUPPORTIVE voice. The rest of it is worth the read, since this is essentially the opposite of what V2K does, which is to install a frequency-triggered externalized voice as a HATEFUL, DESTRUCTIVE voice.
In fact, I recommend just searching on “V2K” and “voice-to-skull” on Amazon and just reading as much as you can on it...there’s a lot of very strange opinions on this and I don’t really have a favorite...by taking a pragmatic approach I found what works for me, and that is what you have to do also.
Good Luck. STAY STRONG. BE SMART. FORCE YOURSELF TO RELAX (controlled breathing works great for this, I like the Iceman’s breathing exercises and 5 seconds in 7 seconds out breathing timing to calm down fast). WIN.

I was diagnosed with a mental illness many years ago and my psychiatrist ultimately prescribed 400mg Seroquel XR. My step-dad is a doctor, a general practitioner, and has sent my prescription to the pharmacy for years. Mom works at his practice too. However, I don't have a great relationship with my mom or step-dad, they've been more and more distant and have never asked or wanted to talk about my mental health, and on my recent visit to them, we got into a big argument over politics - ironically, they're Covid conspiracy theorists. Time goes by, I go to the pharmacy to get a refill, but after a week of back and forth with the pharmacy, it turns out that my step-dad won't refill it. In a call with him, he told me to go find another doctor, although he knows that I was low on meds and that I don't have health insurance or a psychiatrist. Mom won't speak to me either.
I'm out of medication now. I don't currently have health insurance and haven't seen a psychiatrist in many years. I take my meds and they work well, so I didn't feel an urgent need to seek out a doctor. Plus, every time I'd ask them for suggestions on health insurance or which mental health doctors to see, they told me that it's a waste of my time and money and that I was healthy and I followed their advice, although I told them I feel like I really need to see a mental health professional. I live in California. I'm applying online now for health insurance, but I need my birth certificate and my parents won't respond to me or give me any papers.
My question is: for someone that doesn't have a psychiatrist or health insurance, where can I go to get my prescription filled? Do I just call local psychiatrists until I find someone that can see me? I'll pay out of pocket. I'm just really in the dark here about my next steps because I haven't seen any doctors in so long and I know that many doctors won't see a patient who doesn't have health insurance. After taking this medication for so long, skipping even just a day is incredibly tough on me. Maybe my step-dad doesn't know how difficult it is.
Any and all advice is greatly appreciated! Thank you for your help!
The automoderator asked for this information, so here it is: I'm a male, 32 years old, weigh 160 lbs and am 5'6". I take seroquel for mental health and finasteride for hair loss. I smoke cigarettes.

Hi friends.
I really need your input on how to navigate my partner’s mental health crisis. He was hit by a car in 2012 and over the last four months has started exhibiting schizophrenic symptoms. Looking back there were always signs. At first I believed some of the things he would tell me but gradually they became crazier and more outlandish. I thought he was lying to me on numerous occasions, but he 100% believes things happened in ways that they didn’t.
We’ve tried Risperdal, seroquel, and now we’re on zyprexa. I’ve been doing everything I can to manage his healthcare with his doctors.
The reason I’m reaching out is because I don’t know what to tell him when he’s having an episode. For instance we hung out with friends on Saturday, I thought we had fun, but afterwards he confronted me about the conspiracy against him and he hasn’t dropped it.
Usually his paranoia is about other people, this is the first that it’s been targeted at me. It’s really hard to hear him accuse me of “conspiring” against him... I don’t know what to say to him, do I argue and tell him that it’s not real? Do I let him think that and just wait for him to come out of it ? I should have asked the doctor earlier while we were at an appointment but it didn’t seem appropriate in front of him.
Have any of you experienced something like this, from either side of it ? Is there anything I can do to help alleviate the paranoia and to dispel the delusional thinking? I need him to continue to trust me. This is all hard enough as is, if it gets worse then it’s going to be a disaster trying to control it.

Drug companies greatly influence the majority of medical information provided to the public. https://www.drugwatch.com/featured/clinical-trials-and-hidden-data/
Drug maker Pfizer earlier this decade manipulated the publication of scientific studies to bolster the use of its epilepsy drug Neurontin for other disorders, while suppressing research https://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/08/health/research/08drug.html
People working for it so maliciously manipulated the data to make a drug look more effective than it actually was https://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/reports-on-pfizer-drug-studies-misleading-review-1.831265
New Merck Allegations: A Fake Journal; Ghostwritten Studies; Vioxx Pop Songs; PR Execs Harass Reporters https://www.cbsnews.com/news/new-merck-allegations-a-fake-journal-ghostwritten-studies-vioxx-pop-songs-pr-execs-harass-reporters/
Inside Pfizer's Ghostwriting Shop: Friendly Drug Studies for Just $1,000 https://www.cbsnews.com/news/inside-pfizers-ghostwriting-shop-friendly-drug-studies-for-just-1000/
The multibillion-pound global pharmaceutical industry is accused today of manipulating the results of drug trials for financial gain and withholding information that could expose patients to the risk of harm. https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/pharmaceutical-companies-accused-of-manipulating-drug-trials-for-profit-57255.html
Pfizer to pay $2.3 billion, agrees to criminal plea https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-settlement-sb-idUSTRE5813XB20090903
“In the Army I was expected to protect people at all costs,” Kopchinski said in a statement. “At Pfizer I was expected to increase profits at all costs, even when sales meant endangering lives.” https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-whistleblower-idUSN021592920090903
Nigeria sues Pfizer for $7bn over 'illegal' tests on children https://www.theguardian.com/world/2007/jun/05/health.healthandwellbeing1
US Supreme Court rejects Pfizer Nigeria lawsuit appeal https://www.bbc.com/news/10454982
Pfizer in $486 million settlement of Celebrex, Bextra litigation https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-lawsuit-idUSKCN10D1D8
Pfizer settles foreign bribery case with U.S. government https://www.reuters.com/article/us-pfizer-settlement-idUSBRE8760WM20120807
Merck settles Vioxx claims for $4.85 billion https://www.reuters.com/article/us-merck-settlement/merck-settles-vioxx-claims-for-4-85-bln-idUSWNAS178420071109
GlaxoSmithKline settles healthcare fraud case for $3 billion https://www.reuters.com/article/us-glaxo-settlement-idUSBRE8610S720120702
Merck accused of stonewalling in mumps vaccine antitrust lawsuit https://www.reuters.com/article/health-vaccine-idUSL1N0YQ0W820150604
Secrets and lies: Faked data and lack of transparency plague global drug manufacturing https://www.cbc.ca/news/health/drug-companies-caught-faking-data-1.3620483
Merck's manipulation of the science around Vioxx also included a pattern of ghostwriting of scientific articles. https://www.ucsusa.org/resources/merck-manipulated-science-about-drug-vioxx
Former Merck Scientists Sue Merck Alleging MMR Vaccine Efficacy Fraud https://ahrp.org/former-merck-scientists-sue-merck-alleging-mmr-vaccine-efficacy-fraud/
How authorities say drugmaker paid off doctors, lied to insurance companies to push potentially lethal fentanyl-based drug https://abcnews.go.com/Business/authorities-drugmaker-paid-off-doctors-lied-insurance-companies/story?id=61488372
Teva settles multibillion-dollar drug kickback case ahead of trial https://www.reuters.com/article/health-teva/teva-settles-multibillion-dollar-drug-kickback-case-ahead-of-trial-idUSL2N25B1NZ
Abbott to pay $1.6 billion for Depakote marketing https://www.reuters.com/article/us-abbott-settlement-idUSBRE8460UK20120507
Eli Lilly to pay $1.42 bln to resolve Zyprexa probes https://www.reuters.com/article/elililly-idUSBNG34185720090115
Cancer drug probe nets $875 million settlement https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-2001-10-04-0110040343-story.html
Court approves Amgen's $762 million payment in drug case for a dozen criminal and civil cases stemming from the sale of its once-blockbuster anemia drug Aranesp https://www.reuters.com/article/us-amgen-plea-marketing-idUSBRE8BI1BT20121219
Glaxo to pay $750 million in adulterated drugs case https://www.reuters.com/article/us-glaxosmithkline-settlement/glaxo-to-pay-750-million-in-adulterated-drugs-case-idUSTRE69P4GH20101027
Allergan signs $750 million settlement with purchasers of Alzheimer's drug Namenda https://www.reuters.com/article/us-allergan-namenda-settlement/allergan-signs-750-million-settlement-with-purchasers-of-alzheimers-drug-namenda-idUSKBN1YS1C4
AIDS drug maker Serostim settles kickback charges for $704 million http://www.nbcnews.com/id/9728522/ns/business-corporate_scandals/t/aids-drug-maker-settles-kickback-charges/
FDA Finds Falsification of Drug Trial Results Affecting Dozens of Companies https://www.cbsnews.com/news/fda-finds-falsification-of-drug-trial-results-affecting-dozens-of-companies/
Merck to pay $688 million to settle Enhance lawsuits https://www.reuters.com/article/us-merck-settlements-idUSBRE91D0R520130214
Drug Giant AstraZeneca to Pay $520 Million to Settle Fraud Case https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/Health/astrazeneca-pay-520-million-illegally-marketing-seroquel-schizophrenia/story?id=10488647
California lawsuit against Bristol-Myers Squibb for fraud, kickbacks https://www.latimes.com/health/la-xpm-2011-mar-19-la-fi-drug-kickbacks-20110319-story.html
Ex-pharma CEO pleads guilty to kickbacks to doctors for opioid prescriptions https://www.bostonherald.com/2019/01/09/ex-pharma-ceo-pleads-guilty-to-kickbacks-to-doctors-for-opioid-prescriptions/
Merck Created Hit List to "Destroy," "Neutralize" or "Discredit" Dissenting MDs https://www.cbsnews.com/news/merck-created-hit-list-to-destroy-neutralize-or-discredit-dissenting-doctors/
New Merck Allegations: A Fake Journal; Ghostwritten Studies; Vioxx Pop Songs; PR Execs Harass Reporters https://www.cbsnews.com/news/new-merck-allegations-a-fake-journal-ghostwritten-studies-vioxx-pop-songs-pr-execs-harass-reporters/
U.S. sues Novartis, alleging kickbacks to pharmacies https://www.reuters.com/article/us-novartis-fraud-lawsuit-idUSBRE93M1C920130424
Baxter admits flu product contained contaminated/live bird flu virus https://www.ctvnews.ca/mobile/baxter-admits-flu-product-contained-live-bird-flu-virus-1.374503
Is Merck's Singulair Patent a Fraud? Suit Lays Out Timeline of Omissions https://www.cbsnews.com/news/is-mercks-singulair-patent-a-fraud-suit-lays-out-timeline-of-omissions/ “Merck deliberately engaged in inequitable and fraudulent conduct in its statements and submissions to the PTO.”
Iraq war victims allege pharmaceutical companies' bribery led to U.S. troop deaths https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/10/17/iraq-war-victims-allege-pharmaceutical-companies-bribery-led-u-s-troop-deaths/771290001/
U.S. court upholds dismissal of $200 million Merck verdict against Gilead https://www.reuters.com/article/us-merck-gilead-ruling/us-court-upholds-dismissal-of-200-million-merck-verdict-against-gilead-idUSKBN1HW24U “The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit upheld a June 2016 ruling that the two Merck patents, which cover methods of treating Hepatitis C, were unenforceable because of a pattern of misconduct by the company, including lying under oath by one of its in-house lawyers.”
Wyeth loses Prempro trial, to pay $1.5 million https://www.reuters.com/article/us-wyeth-prempro-verdict-idUSN2929344620070129 “Wyeth protected their bottom dollar instead of protecting the patients,”
Insight: Evidence grows for narcolepsy link to GSK swine flu shot https://www.reuters.com/article/us-narcolepsy-vaccine-pandemrix-idUSBRE90L07H20130122 “There’s no doubt in my mind whatsoever that Pandemrix increased the occurrence of narcolepsy onset in children in some countries - and probably in most countries,” says Mignot, a specialist in the sleep disorder at Stanford University in the United States.
UK study strengthens link between GSK flu shot and narcolepsy https://www.reuters.com/article/us-flu-gsk-narcolepsy-britain-idUSBRE90U0JW20130131
Dengue vaccine fiasco leads to criminal charges for researcher in the Philippines https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2019/04/dengue-vaccine-fiasco-leads-criminal-charges-researcher-philippines
Zantac and other heartburn drugs recalled over possible cancer link https://www.cbsnews.com/news/zantac-recall-heartburn-drugs-possible-cancer-link/
OxyContin maker Purdue Pharma pleads guilty in criminal case https://apnews.com/article/purdue-pharma-opioid-crisis-guilty-plea-5704ad896e964222a011f053949e0cc0
Merck over MMR claims, now faces federal charges of fraud from the whistleblowers, a vaccine competitor and doctors in New Jersey and New York. https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/lawrence-solomon/merck-whistleblowers_b_5881914.html
See more here: "Crisis of science by James Corbett" https://www.corbettreport.com/mp4/ep353.mp4
See all this misinformation and lies? That's what you are getting for having a drug market monopoly. BTW that was at the time media was publishing "some" news. Originally the list posted here: https://www.reddit.com/conspiracy/comments/m4r0wp/virologist_and_vaccine_expert_geert_vanden/

I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII - VIII - IX - X - XI - XII - XIII - XIV
—
He will begin in the furthest corner of your basement.
—
Paul was right about one thing: Psych wards aren't like the movies, at least this one wasn't. If anything, it felt more like a nursing home. Boring. Assisted living with cameras and security guards. No electroshock therapy. No drawn-out talks with stoic shrinks. No evil head nurse.
The movies got one thing right though: isolation. Especially for the first few days. I was in hysterics, strapped to a bed, screaming about the man in the basement. Screaming about how sleeping away from home would only make him stronger. Give him more influence. Of course, I knew this behavior didn't exactly help my case for appearing sane. But when you're staring down the barrel of a gun, none of that really matters.
Regardless, I calmed myself down after a few days. A steady cocktail of Seroquel and benzos might've helped too. Now, I had only one goal: Appear sane enough to get discharged. Get back home and hopefully salvage this disastrous transgression. Maybe the intruder would give me some leeway since my being here was involuntary. Wishful thinking.
I guess there's one other thing the movies get right. The more you try to appear sane, the more insane you appear. It's not easy to pretend things are normal when you believe an ever-more powerful hivemind/ tulpa/ whatever the fuck is trying to absorb you into itself. But… I put up a decent show.
To be honest, getting stuck in a psych ward is the last place I expected to be. Before this, it seemed like everything was leading up to some vast and terrible revelation, like I'd finally get the answers to all my questions. A final, horrific revelation connecting all the pieces together. But now... I was stuck in a borderline nursing home, putting together cat puzzles and playing Uno with strangers. Not exactly the finale I had in mind. The anti-climax of it all was suspect, to say the least. I was still waiting for the hammer to drop. To wake up in my room and see a coat-rack in the corner.
—
Getting forced into a psych ward changed my view on a lot of things. There was one guy in there; he had OCD so bad he needed seven cups of water on his bedside table at all times. Each cup needed to be slightly fuller than the last, but he also needed to drink from the third, fourth, and seventh cups every fourteen minutes. Then, pace around the psych ward three times. If he broke the ritual, he was convinced a man made out of paper would climb in through the vents and cut him in half. Shit like that might've seemed funny to me before, in a morbid kind of way, but after seeing it first hand, after living through it myself. Let's just say I don't look at homeless people rambling to themselves on the street the same way I did before. It's easy to make fun of things that make you uncomfortable. It's not so easy when you're the one going through hell.
Paul came to visit too. Or at least, he tried; I didn't sign off the first few times. As far as I was concerned: Paul wasn't Paul. The real Paul was trapped back in his house, barely alive, strapped to a hospital bed, and burnt up almost beyond recognition. A prisoner in his own home.
Mitch even showed up once too, but I refused him as well. Mitch wasn't Mitch either. Mitch was dead. A mangled heap of skin on his kitchen floor. Worst of all, I don't think either of them was even aware of it. But I believed that they believed they were actually themselves. Unwitting duplicates.
Paul kept trying, showing up every other day. He even covered all my hospital bills out of his own pocket. (I was borderline broke, so that was appreciated.) Out of curiosity more than anything else, I finally gave in. I finally signed off on Paul's visit.
We sat down in the common area. Imagine a low-income high-school lunchroom. Round tables covered in half-finished puzzles. Cold vinyl floors with flecks of milky gray. An older woman stood by the window; Rosa was her name. Every ten minutes or so, Rosa would call out for the nurse. When the nurse showed up, she'd ask them for the time. They'd tell her the time, and she'd thank them. Rinse and repeat that for the last three hours straight. After a while, you start to tune out stuff like that. Everything becomes background noise eventually.
Finally, the doors pushed open, and in walked Paul. Our eyes met. He smiled sadly. Strode across the room, pulled out a rickety chair, and sat down across from me, "How've you been?"
I shrugged.
He nodded, and pulled a brown envelope out from his jacket. He placed it flat down on the table and slid it towards me, "That's not gonna answer everything, but it might help some."
Skeptical, I reached into the envelope and pulled out a stack of documents — papers, photos, ID cards.
Paul cleared his throat, "That's everything I could find on my friend in the guest room. Full warning, some of it's a little graphic."
I scanned the first paper: Hospital records, detailing a man named Lawrence Weiser. A photo: A man laying on a gurney in the Vietnam jungle covered in full-body chemical burns. I flipped to the next page: Military legal papers, giving Paul the right to shelter and look after Lawrence Weiser. Clearance to 'monitor and treat complications sustained due to long-term effects of a wartime injury.' I flipped to the next page. A photo of Paul, much younger, was paper-clipped to the corner, his arm wrapped over another man's shoulder, about the same age. Both of them looked so much alike; they could've been brothers. I kept flipping, more documents, more photos, ID's, birth certificates. If they were fake, Paul would've spent a lot of time and money making them. Maybe the intruder created them out of thin air... I turned the page. More photos of Paul; He was setting up a hospital bed in his house's spare bedroom, military personnel helping out. I put the papers down and looked at him, "and...?"
Paul scratched his neck, "I know it barely answers anything. But at least it clears up one thing."
I set the documents on top of the envelope and slid it back across to Paul. "…I drove to Mitch's apartment, forty minutes out of town, saw a fucking fetus monster climb out his mouth, then I ran down the hallway and ended up in your basement… Hell, I'm pretty sure my car's still parked out at Mitch's. And you're saying it's in my head?"
Paul nodded understandingly, looked back over his shoulder, making sure nobody was in earshot, "It's not in your head," he said, turning back to face me, "It's only partially in your head. This thing's got a foot in the door between reality and nothing, and if you let it, it'll push that door all the way open and never go back."
I scoffed, "Why all the runarounds? Why the stupid fucking rules?"
Paul leaned back into his chair, "Mitch and I have different ideas on how to fix it. I figured accepting it's there and living life regardless is the best route. Mitch thinks that's what it wants you to do... Truth is probably somewhere in the middle."
"Why'd you say I could pass it off then?"
Paul looked at me, genuinely confused.
"In the park," I continued, "you said I could build a bunker door, pass it off to somebody else."
"In the park...?"
I looked at him in disbelief. Did he forget?
"I- I honestly don't know what you're talking about," said Paul.
He seemed sincere. But I'd been fooled more than enough by now.
"In the park, you told me this long, drawn-out fucking story about how you fell in between these boulders, saw a man down between the rocks. Told me the intruder dug a tunnel between the houses."
"A tunnel?"
"You're serious?"
"Look, Brandon… I don't know who you talked to, but it wasn't me... But that doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is you focus on moving past all this. Focus on getting better. The stronger you are, the healthier your mind is, the less power this has over you. Like I said before, once I stopped drinking, started caring for people close to me, all the crazy shit started going away. Things still happen, don't get me wrong, but I can deal with it now. You learn to cope."
"How do I know you're even you?"
"You don't. Shit… I don't. But that doesn't matter either. I'm here, I exist. You exist. Work with what you know."
I didn't respond.
"How long've you been away from home now?"
"Two… three weeks..."
"Has anything happened? Has the intruder shown up here? Have you died?"
I didn't answer, but I caught the point.
"This doesn't make any sense," I said, leaning forward, resting my arms on the table.
"That's the point. This thing preys off confusion, addiction, fear, repression… trauma. The more fucked up you are, the better a time it has."
I mulled it over, still not convinced.
"Has the doctor helped?" Paul continued, "The meds...?"
I gave a reluctant nod. As much as I hated to admit it, things didn't feel as crazy as they used to. I felt calmer. More stable. But like I said before, this was all too easy: uncomfortably anti-climactic. "…The night before I went to your house, I swerved, almost hit a bear. I smashed into a roadside post and cracked my head on the driver's side window… I saw things, experienced things. I saw you, driving, looking out through your eyes."
Paul nodded, as if expecting the point to be raised, "I'm not gonna say it wasn't real. But it's only little snippets of moments, crumbs of conspiracy. Just enough to create a narrative in your head that may or may not be real. Enough to keep obsessed. Enough to-"
"-I saw you. Driving drunk. You swerved into somebody on a green-bike. Hit and run. It... seemed like you tried to cover it up..."
Paul looked at me with deadly serious eyes, "I'd kill myself before trying to cover up something like that," he said, with brutal conviction, "Now, I'm not saying it didn't happen. But it didn't happen in this world, and it didn't happen to me. Whatever that's worth."
"…Sure…" I said, still not fully satisfied.
"Nurse?!" Rosa by the window, called out again. The staff was ignoring her now. "NURSE!?"
Paul looked around, expecting someone to help.
"She just keeps asking the time," I said.
Paul pulled up his sleeve and checked the time on his watch, "Five-fifty-eight in the afternoon," he said, smiling warmly towards her.
Rosa looked at Paul like he was an angel sent from above, "…Thank you."
Paul nodded and turned back to me. More silence.
I cleared my throat, "You and Mitch talkin' again?".
Paul shook his head, no. "He was just worried about you, is all."
"Still thinks you're possessed?"
"Something like that," Paul rubbed his jaw, "…I mean, it's not just that, though. I was a shit father too..."
I nodded, "You remind me of my old man sometimes."
"Shit father too, huh?"
I almost laughed, "Nah, he was alright."
"…Where's he now?"
"Dead."
"Ah. Sorry."
"It's okay."
"What got him?"
"Lung cancer."
"Same thing that got my dad, in the liver though."
A strange calm came over me, something I hadn't felt since before this nightmare began. A feeling that maybe, despite all its misery, life was worth sticking around for. At least a little while longer. If for nothing else, just to see what happens.
We talked about Howie too. Paul said Howie always struck him as weird, even before the intruder. Maybe he was a servant of the intruder. Maybe he was an unwitting vessel, controlled by the intruder to spy on new 'recruits.' Maybe he was just a weird guy who really liked the color green and crossword puzzles. Maybe some things were better left alone.
A bell RANG out through the PA system, "Dinner will now be served in the cafeteria. Please line up on the marks, maintaining a six-foot distance from one another."
Paul hit the table gently with his fist, "Well. I'll stop buggin' you now."
I forced a smile.
Paul stood up, "I'm not asking you to trust me blindly here, but if you got the patience. I'd love to swing by and visit every so often. Don't got much else going on anyways."
"…Sure." I said, still skeptical. Even though I didn't trust Paul, or anyone else for that matter, I had to admit, his presence made me feel a little less crazy. A little less alone. Besides, any visitor, even a potential vessel of the intruder, was preferable to no visitors at all.
"Take it easy kid," he smiled again, then strode back for the exit and pushed through the doors.
—
Paul stopped by every single day for the next two weeks. We played cards, talked about hockey, politics. Sometimes we'd talk about the intruder too, but less and less every day. Paul eventually brought me somewhat around, convinced me to work with the doctors, "What've you got to lose anyways?"
A fair point.
Paul told me to tell the doctors what they needed to hear. Tell them I acknowledge it was all in my head, even if we both knew that wasn't entirely true. Say what I needed to say to get out, but don't rush things. Only leave when I felt ready to.
—
Reality is a spectrum.
Things in the realm of thought and emotion don't exist or not exist in a binary state. Belief leads to real actions, terrible and beautiful. Just look at religion. I'm not a believer myself, but it's pretty staggering the simultaneous beauty and horror created by mythic ideologies. True or not, sometimes it feels like belief itself has more effect on the real world than anything else. I don't know. Maybe the intruder worked in a similar way. Molding itself out of belief, obsession, trauma, forcing itself out of the abstract into the concrete, like a virus of the mind. Who knows.
—
Paul was there the day before my discharge. The doctors had determined I was stable enough to return to public life. I still felt like shit, but now in a normal constant haze of vague depression and anxiety kind of way as opposed to a supernatural entity is trying to kill me kind of way. Paul and I played crib in the common area. Best out of three. He won, as usual. Stretching out his arms, Paul checked the time, "Well, I should head out," he said, partially yawning. "I'll swing by tomorrow, give you a ride home."
"Sure… Thanks Paul."
"No worries kid.
—
Paul drove me home the next day. We pulled into my driveway, and sure enough, there sat my car. Inexplicably back in its spot, no longer in front of Mitch's apartment. I opened my mouth to ask about it, but stopped myself short. Better leave well enough alone.
"So what's next for Brandon?" he adjusted the rearview mirror as he spoke.
I shrugged, "Probably gonna move upstate to be honest."
"Yeah? I don't blame you."
"I haven't checked my email in a while, but… pretty sure I'm jobless by now. That kind of just fell off the map."
Paul chuckled, "Fair enough. Is that a bad thing though?"
"I mean… not really. Wasn't really my favorite job anyway."
"What're you gonna do now?"
"I don't know. Maybe I'll go back to school. Maybe I'll start writing again."
"You write?"
"I used to."
"And you enjoyed that?"
"Yeah."
"Why'd you stop?"
"No money."
"Well, if you move, sell the place, that might give you a bit of a cushion, huh?"
"Sure."
"I'm not saying what you should do Brandon, but if you like writing, then at least try for it. If you like something else, shoot for that. It's better than not trying. Trust me. I learned that the hard way,"
"Yeah, maybe," I said, mulling it over. Looking back, this conversation, like many others, was a little strange, but I didn't think much of it at the time.
"Anyways, I'll get out of your hair now," said Paul.
Silence. I reached for the door and stopped. "…Thanks Paul," I said, looking back at him. It's hard to know what to say to someone who might've saved your life.
"You owe me one," he said, cracking a smile.
I smiled back, turned away, and unlatched the door. I stepped out, went to close it and-
"-Oh, one other thing,"
I froze, pulled the door back open, hunched down to meet his eyes.
"I know you're planning to move anyways, but…" Paul shifted in his seat slightly, "It's probably better we keep minimal contact from here on out. Same goes for Mitch. I'm not sure why, but this thing seems to feed off us being around each other."
I nodded, stepped away, pushed the door shut, and turned back for my house. Paul pulled into reverse, backed across the street, and pulled into his garage.
To this day, I don't know if that was even Paul, the intruder, or something in between. All I know is he helped me get back on my feet. So I'm grateful for that.
I rifled for my keys and... something caught the corner of my eye. Down the street, parked about seven houses away: A white hatchback with tinted windows. The same car I'd seen all those weeks ago. I don't know why it grabbed my attention, but it did. It felt out of place, sinister almost....
...I shrugged it off, turned away, and opened the door. The smell of cooking hit me. Chicken soup, gravy, and mashed potatoes. Howie humming to himself. I pulled the door shut behind me, and was greeted with a bright green, brand new: basement door.
"You like it?" Howie's voice shot down the hallway. I turned. His bald head peeked out from the kitchen.
"Yeah, Howie it's… it's great." I lied.
Howie smiled brightly and stepped out into the hallway, "Works picking up again, so it's from my own pocket. The least I could do for you letting me stay here."
"Thanks Howie."
"… How've you been? Mitch's dad sort of filled me in a little. And he's apparently not dead? His kid told me otherwise... Some people are so weird, huh?"
"...Crazy's catching," I said.
"Huh?"
"Nothing."
"-Oh, I got something." Howie slipped back into the kitchen and reappeared on the other side, this time with a crossword book in hand. "Nine words, third letter T, last letter M… A naturally occurring yellow blackish liquid found in geological formations below the earth's surface."
I furrowed my brow. The word was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't quite place it. Howie looked at me, eyes filling with anticipation. I shrugged again, "Beats me."
His eyes filled with disappointment.
"I'll let you know if it comes to me."
"Sure… sure… no problem," Howie slumped back into the kitchen and placed down the booklet. He looked like I just told him his dog died or something.
—
I moved out the next week. Howie offered to stay, pay rent with his newfound income. I agreed. I never did find out exactly what made him leave his old place, but he never brought it up, so I didn't ask.
—
I moved upstate, rented a small studio apartment in a mountain town. Still can't sleep in places with basements, but you can't really blame me on that one. Got back into writing hard too. Started taking online courses, watching youtube tutorials, stuff like that. Got my craft to a place where I'm not entirely embarrassed to share it. Weirdly, all these events actually inspired me to start writing again.
Of course, all the loose ends, all the unanswered questions still bothered me. Something just felt too convenient about the last few weeks. Like I'd gotten out of the woods too easy. Like the hand of an invisible, and benevolent god stepped in and waved away all my problems. Deus ex machina.
​
But sometimes, I wondered if the intruder was still using me. Working towards some unknown and terrifying endgame; An endgame that would reveal itself at any moment. Vague anxiety once again lingered beneath everything. Like a constant, rising, shepard tone. Sometimes barely audible, sometimes unbearably loud. I did what I could to put it out of my mind, to focus on other things. Not pushing it away, just being aware that it's there, and gently choosing to focus elsewhere. I'm learning to live with it. Learning to accept the unknowable.
I'll admit one thing though: coat-racks still freak me the fuck out.
Despite all my progress, there was something else I couldn't shake. One question that kept me up nights. What happened to Zack? Was it really what the police said? Just some long-haul semi-truck driver in the night. A terrible accident? But what about the visions of Paul, drunk driving, hitting somebody on a green bike? What about the intruder's mimicry murder of Zack? Pleading and apologizing. What about the-
-I stopped myself from spiraling. These questions stuck in the back of my head like splinters of wood stuck between fingers. But even here, I'm learning to live with it.
—
About six weeks ago, I decided to look up Zack's mother. Just to call her and see how she was doing; See if she was even still alive. It took a bit of work, but I found her. She lived in a care-home down in Georgia.
I called her on a Wednesday night.
"Hello?" she said, her voice sounding almost how I remembered, despite all the years between.
"Mrs. Serrano?"
"Speaking."
"Hi… uhm… I'm not sure if you'll remember me or not, but this is …Brandon Miller-"
"Brandon?" her voice filled with recognition.
"Yeah, that's me."
"Oh, it's so nice to hear from you! How have you been? It's been so long..."
"...I'm doing alright."
We made small talk for a while, talked about the town I grew up in. Talked about the pandemic. The craziness of the upcoming election. Then, the conversation took an unexpected turn:
"How's your father doing?" she asked.
"Oh, he passed away quite a few years back now."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"It's okay, I've accepted it now."
"Yeah…. I've mostly done the same with Zack. But it still hurts. That never goes away. But you learn to live with it."
I didn't say anything; I was lost for words. Silence hung in the air until-
"-You know Zack always had trouble making friends before you."
"…I didn't know that." Zack always struck me as effortlessly charismatic.
"He was a bit of an odd duck, but in a good way. Before we moved, none of the other kids ever really clicked with him. But with you? Inseparable."
"Huh. Yeah, I was the same way."
"How's that?"
"Not good at making friends."
"Mmm."
More silence.
"I remember his passing hit you really hard," she said, "You didn't speak for months. Your father was terribly worried about you."
"Yeah… I'm doing better now thankfully."
"That's good to hear. I'm sure the closure helped too. It helped me."
"…closure?"
"What?"
"What closure?"
"...You didn't hear?"
"Hear what?"
"…A driver. Long-haul teamster, came forward a couple years back. All those years back... he was sleep-deprived, running a cross-state shipment when…" she trailed off, the tragedy spoke from the silence. She took a breath and continued, "This driver, he grew overwhelmed with guilt, came forward two years back to confess. I met with him too. A kind soul, really. A sensitive soul. Wrong person. Wrong place. A terrible mistake."
"…Where's he now?"
"…He… took his own life a few months back. Poor soul. Neighbors found him in a basement corner."
The words 'basement corner' hit me like a concrete wall. Was this connected to the intruder? Was this connected to Paul? Nightmarish thoughts and incomprehensible images raced through my mind. The image of a naked body, pale and decomposing, slumped into a basement corner, a plastic bag wrapped over it's head-
"-You there?" said Mrs. Serrano.
I stopped myself, took a deep breath. Set it aside. Don't worry about it. It's a coincidence.
"I hope his family is okay," I said.
"Me as well."
Threads of conspiracy dangled in front of me like fishing lures. This had to be connected to the intruder somehow, it had to be connected to the rules-
"-What's his name?" I asked, almost involuntarily.
"Hmm?
"The driver."
"Oh... Uh, Mason... Mason Parker I believe."
"...Huh." I didn't recognize it.
Awkward silence.
"…Well, it's been lovely hearing from you Brandon, but games night is about to start and I can't be late."
"Of course. You as well Mrs. Serrano."
"Take care of yourself, call anytime. Okay?"
"Okay."
She ended the call.
I sat at my work desk. The glow of car lights beamed in through the window and swiped across the darkened walls. Raindrop shadows stretched across the room and returned into darkness. I took another deep breath. Exhaled. Doing my best to stay grounded. Using a trick I learned from Paul:
Three by four.
Name three things you can see: Bookshelf. White wall. Brown desk. Name three things you can hear: Rain against the window, tires against the road outside, neighbors footsteps up above. Name three things you can feel: The back of my legs against the seat, the warmth of the heater against my shins, the brush of my shirt as I breathe in and out. Name three things you can smell: coffee, gasoline, burnt hair-
- overwhelming terror pushed up from the floor, into my toes, through my legs, my spine, into my head. A sickening upward swell of chemical dread. A feeling that something truly heinous... something truly evil, yet emotionless beyond human-understanding was standing behind me. I imagined arms: impossibly long, stretching from the shadows across the room, unnaturally large hands, fingers with extra joints, reaching for the scruff of my neck. Eager to pull me down through the floor, down through the ground, down through the dirt, beneath the surface of reality itself. Trapping me below an invisible barrier, suffocating me under water with impenetrable surface tension. Forcing me to watch, gasping for air as the world above moved on without me. The world above acted as if I never even existed to begin with. Eternal suffering.
I spun around, expecting to see something incomprehensible. But there was nothing. No Intruder. No coat-rack. No man held together with nails and wire. Just an empty studio apartment. The orange glow of more headlights wiped across: Slow and yawing light crawling over the kitchen, over the front door, over me. Like the beams of a deep-water submarine scanning the ocean floor. Everything returned to moonlit darkness. Against the window drapes - a faint, greenish and flickering glow from a neon bar-sign across the street.
I sniffed the air.
The smell of gasoline and burnt hair was gone. Maybe it was never there to begin with. I took another deep breath and exhaled. It's all in my head. Or, at the very least: it's mostly in my head. But still, the words only rang partially true. If I'd learned anything over the past few months, it was this: nothing good comes easy. At least, not this easy. As much as I tried to repress it, as much I tried to ignore it. I knew something was missing. There was some piece of the puzzle that may, or may not, ever be found. I knew this wasn't finished. I took a deep breath. Exhaled.
I turned back to my desk, popped open my laptop-
-and started writing.
—
—
—
Polterkites
Part XIV
.-. . -- . -- -... . .-. . -.. .-.-.-

This will be a long, venting sort of post.
I (35f) have struggled with mental health issues all of my life. After being kicked out of treatment in my early 20s for not being "committed to recovery" I swore of mental health treatment. I became a homeless traveling musician, as I had come to the conclusion that I wasn't functional enough to hold a job for very long and I didn't want to burden my family. For a while, that lifestyle was manageable, but the constant lack of safety and comfort living while mostly outside took its toll. I convinced my boyfriend at the time to settle down some, and so we started working on pot farms and saved up for a sail boat.
When we worked on the farms, I was smoking way too much weed. I became very paranoid, but in a somewhat reasonable way, as we were working in a dangerous and stressful environment. After that it was all down hill.
I had what I am pretty sure was a psychotic episode maybe 8 years ago. I had moved of the sailboat and back into my mom's house to try to go back to school because I had broken up with my boyfriend, probably partly due to my paranoia. All of a sudden as I was looking at my computer and I knew I was being watched. I began to believe that alien fungus was controlling my mind and I had to drink a ton of water with cayenne pepper to kill the fungus. I locked myself in the bathroom drinking the cayenne water until I passed out. I'm probably lucky I didn't die from drinking too much water.
The next day I told my mom I thought I was a military experiment and I was scared. I told my brother that I believed in God now (I'm usually an atheist) and talked about suicide. They didn't do much, and I imagine they thought I was probably on drugs (I wasn't). After that I just left and drove from Denver to Portland, then to Southern California and back up to Northern California. I was afraid people were following me, though people were controlling my mind, thought about ways to cut my foot off because I thought the screw I have in it left over from surgery could track me and control my mind. The radio was talking to me, with every song and commercial containing messages and significance. I drove around for maybe 4 days, chain smoking, barely sleeping or eating.
I tracked down my ex in NorCal because I was thinking delusionally that he was my one true love and we had a mental link. We got back together and moved back into the sail boat. I was very afraid and hid in my car writing complicated poems (sestinas and sonnets) to deal with my feelings.
I got a bit better and got a job. I was still very paranoid, thinking people could read my mind, but I was functional. Eventually I broke up why my boyfriend again, over who should clean the boat, and moved into a different boat. I was very depressed and didn't sleep or eat much and my delusions came back full force. I returned my library books (lol what a dork) and left. Early in the morning I put a few prized possessions and my cell phone in a box i left on my ex's boat (afraid of being tracked by the phone) and train hopped up to Portland. On the train I hallucinated crazy music that I attributed to coming from the mind of an old friend who played guitar. Every peice of graffiti was giving me a message.
Eventually I ended up back in Denver and I got another job and started renting rooms. I was doing well, functional yet still pretty afraid most of the time. I moved to Pittsburgh to be with a guy that I met online. He broke up with me and I was destroyed because we were living together and I had no friends in Pittsburgh. I laid on the couch for. 3 or 4 days literally trying to will myself to die. I was thinking my ex was part of a big conspiracy against me. I moved back to CO and in with an old friend. After a couple of months of completely debilitating depression, I began to feel better and got a job and continued on with life, still always afraid.
Sailboat ex wanted to try again and so I went back to CA to work on another pot farm for a few months. I was very paranoid and the people we were working for were sketch af. There was only an outdoor shower with one side open and I was the only woman there. The ex and I were not getting along and while there I got the news that Trump was elected. I crashed hard and went back to CO and moved back in with my old friend, and we started a sexual relationship. We drank a lot and smoked a lot and then I started having what I believe is another psychotic episode.
I started seeing colors and hearing things in ambient noise. I can't even begin to list all the stuff I thought and felt. I began "talking" to the autocorrect in my phone, believing that I was talking to the internet itself. My roommate became kinda scared of me and made me sleep in my car on weekends when he had his kid with him. I don't blame him. At the time I thought evil people could take over my mind and I didn't want to be around the kid either. One night he did try to take me to the ER but instead we got tacos.
After a while I got better and got a job and realized the situation with my old friend was bad for me. I wanted a relationship. He didn't. I told him we shouldn't have sex anymore but he would put the moves on me when I was wasted and I loved him so it always worked. So I lived in my car for a month until I found a room to rent. I managed to keep my job during this time.
Since the last major episode, I live with constant cognitive dissonance. I know a these weird thoughts can't be true. But I'm still afraid all of the time and partly believe a lot of weird ideas, even while I also don't and recognize that they are not possible.
Part of what is wrong is that I have tactile sexual hallucinations. I used to think that this outside of myself, like aliens or government magic, could make me feel sexual things to make me do sexual things, and be a sex slave essentially. These super intense physiological experiences still happen to me, and it is scary and embarrassing.
After yet another bad breakup, I moved in with another friend and spent days in the dark, not eating and talking to the Alexa like someone was listening. I called the suicide hotline and ended up in inpatient treatment. They initially diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder with bipolar features, PTSD and anxiety disorder. I started taking mood stabilizers but declined seroquel because I had enrolled in college and wanted to be able to think. I have been mostly stable for about a year and a half. But because I was afraid, I lied and said my delusions were gone and they changed my diagnosis to bipolar. I have been paranoid and can't make friends, but I have been paying my rent, getting good grades, and staying employed.
I tried to talk to an on again of again partner about my delusions, in a way where I framed them as real, because I was having a bad day and very paranoid. He got really upset and said I was crazy and to talk to my therapist. He is a dick and won't talk to me now, but for some reason what he said made me talk to my doctor about my delusions. I didn't want to talk to my mental health professionals about my delusions and pretended not to have them. So I talked to my doctor (actually a psychiatric nurse, but whatever) and told her the truth. So now I am trying seroquel.
I'm super alone because years of untreated mental heath problems destroyed my relationships and prevented me from forming new ones. I have been white knuckling through life, scared of everyone else at the same time knowing it's way more likely that I am crazy than that I am a government experiment. But I still have intense sexual hallucinations that are horrible, I hear things and think I am being watched/followed/plotted against all of the time.
Looking back at my life, I'm amazed I am okay. I'm actually a psychology major because I want to help people like myself, an idea I got in inpatient treatment.
I hope the seroquel helps. Coming to terms with my mental health has been hard. I feel lonely and worried about the side effects of seroquel. I love my mood stabilizer though, and the thought of possibly being free of my delusions, especially the sexual ones, makes me want to try to be honest with my care providers.
And I didn't even mention that I got pregnant and put my daughter up for adoption because the father (boat ex) didn't want to be a dad and I knew I was too mentally ill to be a mother alone. I had never even had a psychotic episode yet when I had her.
I just feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I've always been bullied, I had a less than ideal childhood, I end up in relationships with alcoholics and my boyfriends are usually my only friend or social support, so break ups mess me up.
It's like my life is a big tangle of events and experiences I can't parse out.
I guess that's enough. I might make some short posts breaking down different topics in this post, such a the sexual hallucinations and my fear of telling the truth to my care providers. Even writing this, part of me is thinking "look, now you are going on record about this and so they can do anything and no one will ever believe you because they will have proof you are just crazy."
Have a good one.