I'm tired of my inability to write good poetry.
The way it usually goes is like this:
I see something that stirs some emotion. Like maybe on my walk I see a rose bush. Then a line comes to my mind describing the scene. I become obsessed with getting that line right and the feelings in my heart are so intense but when they come out on the page they sound so boring and cliche, like "The rose emits its heavenly scent / as I touch its delicate sun-soaked petals."
I feel mad at myself for using these boring adjectives. Show, show, show, don't tell! Yet how to show what the scent is like? Or the feeling of touching a petal? And who cares? Like why would anybody care how I feel about some flower on a particular day?
If I'm able to change the line to my satisfaction, then there is a different issue, which is where am I going with this? Often my poems turn into something sentimental or me trying to teach people some lesson, like life is fleeting, beauty is subjective, blah blah.
I look at famous contemporary poetry but that's no help either because I don't understand most of them. And the ones I do understand, I cannot see what makes them stand out from thousands of poems published online by people whose poems never get published in these journals.
So I want to hear how you approach this, in particular those of you who write poetry and are satisfied with your poems and maybe have even gotten one published in some prestigious publication.

Context: I recently got a 60 in my math text and I've been feeling really angry, mad just I don't feel like myself. I had another math exam and I was sure I was going to ace it, I studied alot alot by alot I mean everyday till the exams every little thing, I studied all of the textbook material, did quizzes online about the material I did worksheet everything I could find online. But when I got my results (i got an 89) i just felt the same way I felt before I don't know why, my parents don't force me or get mad if I get a low grade they just tell me to improve and forget about it. I feel like maybe just to end it all I've never felt this, I just can't i don't know why

Mostly just need to vent.
So my table has one large mission as the main arc, but currently focused on an integral smaller mission within the larger mission. Main mission cannot be completed without this second one.
My table got a bit derailed tonight when a PC forgot about the mini mission (despite that being the whole previous hour….a bio break and short rest for for the in game characters made them whoosh forget that & they showed up at our next location super aggro and demanding my npc lead them to character needed for the main mission.
I tried to get them back on track, mentioning that that character wasn’t there. Why were they at this building (hint hint) and one poor PC tried to speak up but no one was listening.
I knew my npc had a hook to make him instant friends with a PC, so when they finally asked about a character involved with the mini mission I started my 3 sentence paragraph to give needed information. I wasn’t 6 words into my statement & this PC interrupted me and shoved my npc and yelled at him for being sexist (he was calling the 3rd character a rude teachers pet, which is probably the nicest adjectives you could use for this character) I pivoted and tried to have my npc mention the reason they were there and this 3rd character being involved…nope a 2nd pc PICKS UP MY NPC AND STARTED THREATENING THEM IN THEIR OWN HOME
I had to stop the table and remind them everyone was a good aligned character. They just walked into someone’s home, were welcomed nicely, the npc introduced themselves but they didn’t introduce themselves, they started demanding stuff and the got rightful defensive and now he’s being attacked….well my 2 PCs said I made a very unlikable npc and said they wouldn’t change anything.
Okay. Who am I to show horn them into a path. They then guns blazing go into the room with the actual bad guy…no planning or plan…per my module she’s to instantly cast fireball. I stopped the session before she cast anything. I ran the damage and the two PCs closest if they didn’t pass their saving throw would be on death saves…..I don’t want to do that, but I am mad they are being so aggressive.
This is only session 2 and they weren’t this aggressive the first session. Our previous campaign I wasn’t the DM and this group was really murder hobo-y but everyone was on board (it was Shrahd) and the setting more lent itself to that. But even then our DM then would complain we didn’t ask questions or talk to NPCs or try anything other than hit first and go oops we needed that person later.
Frustratingly the main aggro PC is our former DM.
I have talked to him already. He apologized. And promised to let me finish speaking when characters are talking. Especially when it’s obvious I’m reading something prepared (probably important if I wrote it down)…but his advice was to have us “reset” back to when they came inside, but I don’t want to do that.
As sorta frustrated as I am, that’s part of dnd. Having your characters go their path. I’m just not sure how to get them back on track. I want to punish them for going so fast into this, but I know if attack them with this 3rd character then they’ll attack back and probably not hold back and leave the campaign if their character died start of session 3. (I’ve invested $300 into this module and really want to see atleast some of it through) I did metagame warn them that they’re level 3 and they need to start thinking about that before they go attacking everyone they meet. (The npc they shoved and nearly fought was a level 13 wizard…they weren’t going to win that fight).
Guess I’m also frustrated that I’m the only female in the group and they attributed alot of negative female connotations to the one sentence my npc said (called him catty, b**chy, rude, annoying, petty) when they knew the person they were meeting was a part of a known evil organization. But no how dare my nice, welcoming npc not like the evil organization character….when I asked that in the session debrief I was told it was “how I presented him” with my one sentence…I think next time I would stop them and say “let me finish what he was saying before you take that action” but I’m not sure that would have changed anything.
Just sad that I don’t think this group is the right group for this campaign and I’m so invested in the story.

use this template
I'm a [BLANK] (poolie, junior enlisted, officer's wife, 500lb PFC dependant living on roach row for BAH, ect)
and I just saw [BLANK]/did [BLANK] (something about a cracker barrel, a subway, stolen starbucks energy drink, getting a DUI in a government vehicle)
from here it becomes more freeform, you can use some reliable oldies(gunny's third divorce, sometimes the barracks bunny is a man and that's okay, its okay if you wear boot bands, I'm on duty and just saw my favorite stripper go into LCpl schmuckatelli's room, Master guns' daughter, field day is in 3 seconds what do i do(attach picture of filthy room) ect)
end with a comment about how the Corps has gone soft or that you miss being in or that you hate it here.
feel free to fill in like a Mad Lib

HEY, there might be some SPOILERS under the thing
1:20 Mad lib oneshot
6:45 Beacon
10:10 Laura’s merch corner
13:05 Intro cinematic
14:50 EPISODE STARTS
16:55 Recap Ends
19:40 They were a punk, she was a fey. What more can I say?
22:15 How big is this tent?
24:05 Fearne’s spoon status
26:10 Refusing the call to adventure
30:35 Fearne makes it fit
37:50 Zathuda
38:45 Denial
50:20 Dark reflections
52:35 Matt’s Fearne impression
53:40 Liam is overcommitting to the whisper
56:55 Don’t put clothes on
59:15 Boots and underpants
1:00:40 No excuses
1:01:40 Map out, battle begins
1:10:15 Prophetic song
1:21:10 Shots
1:24:35 This was supposed to be a chill episode
1:27:40 Putty
1:29:05 Fearne is down
1:33:30 HDYWTDT
1:35:35 Poop gun
1:38:05 Zathuda was here the whole time
1:50:00 Dorian doesn’t know the lore
1:51:40 BREAK STARTS
2:05:35 Art Montage
2:07:35 BREAK ENDS
2:13:15 War council
2:23:40 You have my bow
2:31:55 Lots of groups of 5-7 people have been surprisingly helpful
2:33:20 Chetney goes hard
2:41:05 Thriller 5 Minds
2:44:25 Seth Dolmade
2:50:10 Souvenirs
2:53:00 Definitely a Larkin
2:57:25 Cleaning out Ashton’s giant magic hole
3:00:00 Real adventurers accumulate rotten meat
3:01:20 You look exhausted
3:04:45 If you want to contact Hell, I know a guy
3:06:40 Nobody will betray the party, that’s an Orym guarantee
3:07:40 Orym bounces back (mythdi**er)
3:13:05 What’s your mother’s name?
3:19:50 Nude invisibility
3:22:05 Guided by the fart
3:24:05 Walking with confidence
3:27:00 Chastity’s Nook franchise
3:31:25 Erma
3:36:35 Dorian has good spells now
3:40:45 Astrid and Essek
3:43:45 Episode Ends
The in-game start date for the episode is still debatable. Sam’s gas can says “”
Any moments I missed? Feel free to post them here. Is it Thursday yet?

What is Looking-Glass Self? This is concept in sociology, discovered in 1902 by Cooley - and his theory states that we form our own identity based on what we think other people think who we are. In fact, the whole sociology is based on social anxiety- the very same social anxiety that psychiatry (CBT and DSM) are pathologizing and trying to cure and destroy and present as mental illness.
Without social anxiety, without ability to worry what other people think about us - we would lose social skills, empathy and civilization norms - such as not eating others.
"If it weren't for the nervous people in the world, we'd all still be eating each other." The Misfits (1961) https://youtu.be/h56iL7vK5Y0
When people consume chicken - they eat the flesh of animals because there is no ability to connect with the slaughtered animals as conscious beings who are able to think and perceive us. So when we destroy social anxiety- our ability to worry what other people think - we will become psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. This also provide us with important information of self expression and holding toxic people accountable - by stating the facts and truth. Toxic people learn to suppress social anxiety - and this gives them ability to be cruel. And the only way to probe their delusions is to speak the truth to them. And that is why toxic people mock and go into hysteria mode - because their suppressed conscience and morality and ethics are eating them from inside.
Dolphins are not caught with smiles but cruelly with hooks, Michele. One day you will learn to be cruel. Caravaggio (1986) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF12uM_GK74
Sociology is based on social anxiety - that we form our own identity based on society. We need other people to provide us information who we are and how to express ourselves. The language is the very first thing that society gives us to define who we are - by using the very words that society is using.
Theories of the Self
William James (1890): A person has "as many social selves as there are individuals who recognize him and carry and image of him in their minds"
Charles Cooley (1902): Views of self reflect the standpoints of significant others in our lives ("looking-glass self")
George Herbert Mead (1934): We imagine the perspectives of others and incorporate these into our self views - and that this occurs continuously as we interact with others on an ongoing, moment to moment basis.

Having a distorted looking glass (incorrectly imagining others’ opinions of us) can cause bad feelings, or a negative self-image. https://wa01001786.schoolwires.net/cms/lib/WA01001786/Centricity/Domain/70/Socialization%20Notes.pdf
What happens when we are around toxic people - is that our identity is deformed as well. CBT claims, along with DSM, that our worry what other people think - is personality disorder, called Borderline:
Reality testing is ability to perceive reality properly. Without too much deviation from facts. Borderline refer to you if want to know anything about reality. “Do you think so too?” Narcissist will tell you "am I not genius". YT Richard Grannon & Prof. Sam Vaknin about Fantasy
Borderline personality disorder is a mental health condition that affects the way people feel about themselves and others, making it hard to function in everyday life. It includes a pattern of unstable, intense relationships, as well as impulsiveness and an unhealthy way of seeing themselves. (Mayo Clinic)
The truth is - if we are around toxic people, their criticism will affect our self worth. Their constant nagging, constant nitpicking, constant error finding and constant drama about anything that moves - will have an effect on our sense of stability and security in the world. This is not disorder. This is simply how society works. In order to heal our mental health issues - we need to repair connections with other people - which may include minimizing exposure to toxic people or cutting toxic people completely off from our lives.
We will never feel secure, confident, worthy - if there are toxic people around us who are criticizing us and others all the time.
Improving our relationships is improving our mental health. William Glasser
Interpersonal strife with those close to us leads to rifts and resentments that produce symptoms of mental illness; these problems are, in fact, the logical consequence of troubled relationships. Glasser emphasizes that lasting psychological problems are usually caused by problems in our personal relationships (rather than signifying a biochemical abnormality in the brain), and distress can be remedied through repairing these relationships without recourse to psych drugs. DK psychology book, WILLIAM GLASSER
Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
In another words: feel safe with other people = mental health
The single most important issue for traumatized people is to find a sense of safety in their own bodies. 🟦 Bessel A. van der Kolk
Toxic people cause social anxiety. That is why social anxiety is called social+anxiety. There is social element that is causing the anxiety. There is social factor contributing to anxiety. It is not called self-anxiety. We did not catch social anxiety by walking randomly in the street when it was rainy, so we caught a common cold. It is not like we felt bored in our lives so we invented neuroticism to keep us active and occupied. Social anxiety must start in childhood with ACE and ACoA where we learned from early on - that life is dangerous, that people are not safe, that we must worry to be hyper-vigilant and that we are unworthy if we make any kind of mistakes. We learned that our flaws, imperfections and mistakes are our core personality - abnormal and inept.
Society attacks early, when the individual is helpless. B. F. Skinner
This is how we end up with Broken Looking Glass Self. Distorted Looking Glass Self. We end up with operant conditioning - to worry what other people think in such way that we attempt to think for the other person ahead of time, so that they do not get mad of us - and then attempt, we try hard not to make other people mad. And how we execute this operant conditioning - depends on our background, people around us and punishments to which we were exposed as kids. Most socially anxious learn to keep quiet. To shut up. To self censor. And to self blame. If the other person is angry or hysterical - we will feel responsible for their mood swings and we will try hard to fix their emotions and their problems. Soon - we spread this fixing on other people, who are not angry - and we create fake social mask that is always pleasant and nice and helpful to anyone, especially if they are angry and rude and intrusive. We learned to interpret their anger as our fault and our abnormality. Looking glass self is broken - because it does not reflect any more - now we imagine how to please other people without using looking glass (mirror) - as all people use it.
Other people are there as information post. They broadcast who they are, many of them mask their true Self and present fake version of themselves, their social mask. Our brain will naturally form opinion about us through the words and opinions and non-verbal gestures from other people, strangers or our acquaintances. This part is totally normal. This is not disorder. This is not illness. The disorder starts when we try hard to fix other people's conclusions about us by making ourselves small and by changing our routine so that we soothe the other person. Instead of CBT techniques - all that we need to do here is to allow other people to think whatever they choose to think about us. Simply allow other people to hate us and leave it at that.
We really have to work very hard at changing our programming because we don't understand we're upset because someone else has a perception of us that we're uncomfortable with. And we challenge this person's perception of us. We're upset that people think this about us. Something amazing happens when you begin to accept that other people are allowed to have their own faulty perception of you. 🟥 Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life coach Inc.
For the next step, sociology will also help us. CBT and DSM, psychiatry is telling us concrete steps which we must take - and morally and ethically speaking - this is illegal. When someone orders us what we must do - this is called manipulation and coercive control. This way anyone who is psychopathic and narcissistic can climb, grab and push their way to powerful position of ordering others what to do - and then evil people can easily manipulate and control the masses. This is what happens with psychiatry. Psychology on the other hand explains concepts - psychology does not order us what to do in life and how to react. That is why Humanistic psychology is healthy.
It is the client who knows what hurts, what directions to go, what problems are crucial, what experiences have been deeply buried. Carl Rogers
In the same manner as Humanistic Psychology and IFS Model - sociology also has the similar term that allows clients freedom in own choices - which is called Thomas theorem.
The Thomas theorem is a theory of sociology which was formulated in 1928 by William Isaac Thomas and Dorothy Swaine Thomas: If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences. In other words, the interpretation of a situation causes the action. This interpretation is not objective. (wiki)
If men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences. - formulated in 1928 by William Isaac Thomas and Dorothy Swaine Thomas
This means - that no other person can objectively tell us what is the best way to go in life. We need our inner GPS, our intuition, our common sense, other people as well - to form our reality and our construct of the future where we are headed. With CBT and DSM - we do not have this freedom. With CBT and DSM - we are pathologized instead - and all our focus is spent on fixing our symptoms - we are literally self consuming ourselves with CBT.
In real life- real life situations will not allow us to form rigid mindset. Any other person, any other situation in life - good or bad - is always unique and different. Sometimes it is great that we shut up and that we self censor ourselves - especially if we are tired and we don't want to harm other people with our nagging and complaints that will go off as soon as we get to sleep and rest. On the other hand - many situations in life that are triggering our social anxiety require from us to self express, that we talk out our truth - no matter how much manipulative people attempt to shut us up with mocking and shaming.
So when we allow other people to form toxic conclusions about us - we need to know that we can rely on our brain, on our intuition to tell us how to react and what to do and how to behave. We have this mechanism inside us. We do not need to pathologize ourselves with CBT. CBT will tell us that we must be assertive in order to handle toxic people. This is horrible advice because:
"If you have been the scapegoat in a narcissistic family system, the concept of setting a boundary is laughable. You would be telling them exactly how to hurt you, and they would happily oblige. Also, trying to set a boundary in a calm and tactful way would be met by resistance in the form of mocking and ridicule, attempting to bait the scapegoat into anger, which would prove you are the problem." YT kingbee9778
"I feel gaslighted by the therapy mantras of “ you have to teach people how to treat you “ ,(setting boundaries). No you don’t and no you can’t. First of all, it’s not my job to teach an adult how to behave like one and quite frankly, it’s a trap and a drain hole. Secondly, I DON’T CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE. They will do what they want, especially if they have the tiniest ounce of power over you." YT gertrudewest4535
When we follow CBT - we will repeat the broken Looking Glass Self when we exposure ourselves to social situations - and social anxiety will not go away - because we will continually process the same ways reality and other people in a manner that is toxic to us - through seeking approval from other people, through self flagellation, through harsh inner critic and internalized toxic shame.
To fix broken Looking-Glass Self means fixing social anxiety: when we are afraid of what other people think about us. With CBT we self pathologize our normal reaction to worry what other people think about us. This is not disorder, it is totally normal to have awareness that other people are thinking about us.
Many social anxiety coaches will use "Spotlight effect" as proof that other people do not worry about us:
"The spotlight effect is the psychological phenomenon by which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they really are."
In toxic contact - toxic people - those same ones who trigger our social anxiety - do notice anything about us. In normal population - other people will think about us and we will define each other - through the process called The Michelangelo phenomenon - where we chisel each other into better version, where we change our toxic habits that hurt us as much as they hurt other people. In unhealthy, toxic social dynamics there will be the opposite: Golem Effect and Crab mentality. Where there is competition and where other person is perceived as threat and someone to pull down.
A lot of content on mental health in mainstream media does not cover the unique corner that survivors of narcissistic abuse live in. Not one mention of being in any kind of toxic relationship. “Avoid your triggers” is not easy in narcissistic relationships. When the discomfort is living in your house or down the street or in the next office. It was not even rumination, but reality. And the constant exposure means you don't get a break. 🟥 DoctorRamani https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uusKWmjUk6k
I'm not setting boundary with these people. “Don't do this with me”. “Don't say this with me”. It's all internal. Because if you try to set a boundary with someone who's narcissistic or antagonistic – it's never going to work. And I think it's unsafe guidance to give.
With this dangerous person no. But what are you willing to tolerate. How can you protect yourself emotionally. What access can you remove. Move these people from VIP section.
🟥 Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk
With broken Looking-Glass Self - we end up being trapped in toxic people's minds. Similar to horror movie / book The Cell from 2000. Even when we develop Who cares attitude, and when we consciously try to block and build walls away from toxic people, when we try hard to push down and suppress toxic people - we are still trapped in their reality of what they potentially might think about us. This is why CBT is not working - because CBT tries hard to convince us to use suppression as method to block social anxiety. And we cannot block other people - we need other people for our identity and our self worth - where there is healthy interaction called Interdependence. Toxic people behave in codependent way - they see other people as competition and this creates codependency. They need other people like vampires need blood - to exploit someone's attention, someone's focus, money, time and or resources of any kind. It is like give me, give me, give me - and provide nothing in return. With social anxiety we end up giving others without observing if the other person is emotionally invested in us at all. It ends up and one side interaction, exploitation really. Social anxiety means suppress anger as well. We learned to push our anger away - and this attracts toxic people who count on our silence and understanding and toxic empathy - knowing that they can cross boundaries of social interaction in their favor and we won't make any kind of protest. Then our own only protection - is avoidance. Therefore - social anxiety is natural defense mechanism against dangerous criminally insane psychopaths who are abusing their power position against ourselves.
In our teen years we experiences bully experience - after years of exposure to ACoA and ACE (constant criticism and constant drama at home) - so we generalized the belief that we cannot trust other people - and we learned that we process reality through broken Looking Glass Self - where we appease other people with our decisions - by being afraid what other people may think badly of us - since we were pressed and pushed into equating social rejection and our self worth as if they are one of the same. And psychiatry - instead of explaining us that it is totally normal to worry what other people think - CBT explains us that this is abnormality. This faulty explanation from medical industry is adding more trauma and more toxic shame and it gives our inner critic free reign to self abuse us - because we believe we are abnormal and ill if we worry what other people thin about us. In reality - all people worry about others. Even psychopaths worry what other people will think, along with narcissists - because they know that they need to form fake social mask of charm in order to seduce new victims into their agenda of exploiting and manipulating others.
Looking-Glass Self tells us - that we simply allow toxic people to form bad opinion about us in their heads - and that we absolutely do nothing to change this image that toxic people freely choose to believe about us in their heads.
You're no longer going to play the game of what can I do differently to get them to behave differently – because the answer is to that is nothing. That's radical acceptance. It takes long time. And it's not just accepting their behavior is not going to change, it's also the way it affects you is also not going to change. Just because you radically accept doesn't mean that somebody screaming at you is going to hurt any less- it does,it hurts a lot 🟥 Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk
Other people will hurt us. They will say mean and untrue things about us. They will attack us - this has nothing to do with who we are. Their choice to harm and hurt other person - is abnormality in their brain. Normal healthy sane people do not attack others. Normal healthy sane people have ability to emotionally regulate themselves. Person who does not have this ability - is sick and mentally ill. And this has nothing to do with us. We are not the ones who can cure them by changing our behavior.
Lundy Bancroft: "Abuse is NOT caused by bad relationship dynamics. You can't manage your partner's abusiveness by changing your behaviour. But he wants you to think you can."
The pain that we feel when toxic people attack us, verbally or physically - is normal pain, we need this pain as the instruction for us what to do with severely damaged people around us.
If you are not feeling pain, anger and sadness while you are taking in psychological abuse or something similar – you are going to end up in those situations over and over again –because you are not logging information that your body telling 🟥Heidi Priebe https://youtube.com/watch?v=GTQohPaGnSY
People say it bothers me when they say these things. I say, because they say bothersome things. I don't want you to lose that part of you. That part is good index what is okay, what's not. From that point – excavation. A person pulling their true self out of their relationships. If you grew up with narcissistic parent, it was a true self that never even got to develop. It's how much your identity got co-opted. What do I like, what do I stand for. 🟥 Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk
The core of narcissistic person is very fragile. That's why they lose it when you critique them. Or give them feedback. Or don't read their mind. Or don't do exactly what they want. And that's why they use all kinds of tactics like manipulation, gaslighting, invalidation, dismissiveness, competitiveness, betrayal. Some of them are tactics, some are unemphatic behavior. And it gives them the upper hand in relationship. Control, power gives them supply. 🟥 Dr. Ramani - Cole https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk
With social anxiety - we do not need psychiatry. Socially anxious need sociology. It is after all social issue. Social anxiety is anxiety that is connected to society - the name itself reveals this crucial aspect: society, social, societal. Psychiatry will only leave us lacking and with belief that something is horribly wrong with us, when we are around toxic people:
DSM doesn't explain anything. So many therapies and particularly CBT and others are just so focused on extinguishing symptoms which were once strategies of survival. And it doesn't make sense that you want to extinguish – we want eventually to move away from these symptoms and these strategies but I certainly don't want to pathologize them or look at them as somehow defective because they have saved our lives. 🟥 Transforming Trauma Episode 21 IFS & NARM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRTHacVAwdk
When we stop self pathologizing our social anxiety - we will unburden ourselves with toxic idea that feeling pain is abnormal and sick. And it will give us energy to start looking what is causing this pain - instead of focusing ourselves on chasing the symptoms. Without the stigma and labels - we will have much more resources at our disposal to handle difficult people in life who are causing our social anxiety in the first place.
With social anxiety - we need to learn about the Cooley's concept Looking-Glass Self and other terms from sociology. Instead of pathologizing our social reactions - we simply need information to confirm us that we are not abnormal and inept as CBT paints the socially anxious. We need information to learn what our rights are.
Five themes of microaggression against people with mental illnesses
1. Invalidation
When other people dismiss their illness or symptoms through minimizing their experience, symptomizing their normal experiences, and patronizing
2. Assumption of inferiority
When other people assume that people with mental illness have lower intelligence, are incompetent, and that they do not have control
3. Fear of mental illness
When other people fear them because they believe that they may be dangerous or unpredictable
4. Shaming of mental illness
When other people tell them that they shouldn't let others know about their mental illness
5. Second class citizen attitudes
When other people treat them as if they don't have the same rights as the dominant group of society.
Mental Health Forum, 2016

Diagnosis is not an excuse to be selective about their rights. Autistic not weird
Healing the Broken Looking-Glass Self means learning about the mentality - which we never had chance to learn in our developmental years. Other children learned this concept via keeping connections with other people. We - started to avoid people. Even when we were around other people - we pulled our investment emotionally with other people - and this way we never learned that other people are safe. We developed the stump growth - that is being stuck in age 12, when we started to avoid people. Similar to the plant that cannot grow roots in small basin or tree/plant that is stumped in growing due to some kind of obstacle to grow upright. Our growth was shaped from the perspective of not trusting other people - because they harmed us. Other people learned to develop certain amount of trust. They learned to filter out the bad people. And they learned that they are safe to express themselves - without being punished for it. This is why their social anxiety is in normal threshold. They will experience stress and then behave in anti-social manner, they will express their anger without problems - because they were never pushed into forming their self worth through worry what their tormentors might think about them. So it is not like social anxiety is abnormality or sickness - it is simply that non-socially anxious people were lucky enough to grow in healthy ambient, and that is their secret. They were not stronger. They were not more competent. They were not better or superior to the socially anxious. They simply had privilege and entitlement that helped them over-pass developmental years without fearing other people. Their mechanisms how to handle triggers - are mostly unhealthy (lacking empathy) - but their Looking glass self was not broken. With interaction with other people, with other children, they learned naturally to allow difficult people to hate them. Instead of worry - that is found in social anxiety - they simply turned their focus onto other people. With social anxiety - we do not have other people, we have no one to turn to, since we learned that other people are painful and traumatic. We never learned that hanging around with other people is enjoyable experience - and if someone is rude, toxic and abnormal - that we are allowed to focus and place our attention to better, healthier people around us.
In shame culture ambient - we will learn that other people criticism is reflection of our worth - and that is Broken Looking-Glass Self. That we cannot feel good about ourselves until other person reflects positive words about us to us:
Young American explained why she left Croatia:
"In Croatia people constantly express intrusive opinion about matters which are none of their business. The most irritating things were rude people."
https://www.poslovni.hlifestyle/amerikanka-napusta-hrvatsku-neucinkovitost-i-birokracija-te-ljudi-koji-nemaju-motiva-za-napredovanjem-u-poslu-358422
Young American explained why she escaped from Croatia:
"Often I heard Croats intruding why am I eating something, or commenting about what I wore. There is no such thing in America, we allow people to be what they want to be. People here are strange as if I am inside toxic relationship."
https://www.vecernji.hshowbiz/amerikanka-u-hrvatskoj-iznenadila-objavom-ljudi-su-ovdje-cudni-kao-da-sam-u-losoj-vezi-1351757
Don't look to the approval of others for your mental stability. 🟦 Karl Lagerfeld
We will heal social anxiety trauma with healing our choice to stay stuck around toxic people. We can cut toxic people - even when we are unable to leave them physically - by severing the trauma bonding in our mind - that is broken Looking-Glass Self.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt
Yes, toxic people are pathological liars, They spread gossip. They create drama and hysteria. Toxic people do not have word toxic stuck on their forehead. Toxic people will not behave toxically in front of others - because they depend to look good in the eyes of other people - so they also have Looking-Glass Self no matter how much they said that they do not care what other people think about them. Therefore - social anxiety is clear indication that we are around toxic people. Toxic people do not allow us to express ourselves - and they use various methods of coercive control to manipulate their targets. The first step is to sever this trauma bonding - by allowing them to hate us.
That we basically stop impressing others.
Don't try to impress others. ✝️ Bible, Philippians 2-3
Cooley said our sense of Self comes from how we think other people see us. “I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am; I am what I think you think I am.” Other people's reflections of us and how we think about those images they have of us help create our sense of Self. Grades from teachers can reflect back to us an image of ourselves that we then internalize and becomes our self-perception. They effect self-image. 🟥 The Looking glass self https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1X1wwTCuZBo
We imagine we are seen by others. And that imagination forms our identity. Our identity is being shaped by others. Others is agent which influences who we are in society. You begin to believe that and you begin to see as your identity, what other people think of you. Intelligent, high self esteem, outgoing – you believe what people say about you, it becomes your identity. Our identity is formed through the way we imagine people see us.
🟥 Looking-glass Self https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UWOflUXKUQ
That imagination comes from interaction with these people. In the process of interaction they tell you this is what we think about you. And then you go off believe in that. You don't control what people think about you. Front Stage Behavior: Familiarity breeds content-With front stage they behave nicely. It's in subconsciousness of individuals that they have to behave a certain way in public. At interview- they smile, but is this who they are?
🟥 Looking-glass Self https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UWOflUXKUQ
It is often said that American Beauty is a film about identity. Each character seems to go through a very personal identity crisis. But I would argue that this crisis are not personal at all. They are products of wider social forces. We may define ourselves based on prevailing attitudes towards sexuality, beauty and material success. Sense of self strongly influences by social world.
🟥 American Beauty Film Analysis: The Sociology of Identity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6youJFbEgQ
Ricky shows Jane that he likes her as she is. Eventually this leads her abandoning the idea of surgery and gain enough confidence and self-esteem to tell Angela what she really thinks of her. Freed from idea that everyone looks down on he because of her physical appearance, Jane's sense of self is no longer defined how she looks, how she looks to others.
🟥 American Beauty Film Analysis: The Sociology of Identity https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6youJFbEgQ
An individual realize its self by reflecting others' perceptions about him. They use social interactions as a mirror. A Person grows and develop due to interpersonal interactions of the Society. When one interacts socially, one completely considers how one looks in the eyes of others. Negative response leads to depression and anxiety.
🟥 Looking Glass Self Theory https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAzsBj6yTpw
Looking Glass Self where you see yourself the way you think others see you. You can't see the way others truly see you. So you're seeing yourself they way you think others think they see you. You can see how much is lost in the translation. You're much more beautiful than you think. You attract so much more than you know. There's more going on with you than you care to acknowledge. Beauty is not about what you see. It's about what you reflect. 🟥 Looking Glass Self https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFEkq8uDiJU
Mirror in front of you, and you are looking at yourself in the mirror, the way it is – is mirror in reality. As Masha labels you, tells you, comments on you, provides you all kinds of feedback, your self continues to develop. The way society perceives you and gives feedback about you. It is considered important to yourself and you have that impression that is how I should be. Their significance or importance makes you proud.
🟥 Looking Glass Self https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xa-PD1YVxj4
There is something you have never understood, Joe. These people at the top, they are the same as anybody else. But you had it inside of you to be so much bigger than any of them. You just had to be yourself. That was all. With me you were yourself. Only with me. Room at the Top (1958) https://youtu.be/Cs1C_Tu2crI

I have a site-to-site setup where I wanna use direct connect with port-forwarding to improve the throughput. However, the port setting is not respected. My config is:

cat /etc/default/tailscaled # Set the port to listen on for incoming VPN packets. # Remote nodes will automatically be informed about the new port number, # but you might want to configure this in order to set external firewall # settings. PORT="41642" # Extra flags you might want to pass to tailscaled. FLAGS="" 

The netcheck shows:

tailscale netcheck Report: * UDP: true * IPv4: yes, 85.3.153.205:37140 * IPv6: no, but OS has support * MappingVariesByDestIP: false * HairPinning: false * PortMapping: * Nearest DERP: Frankfurt * DERP latency: - fra: 13.1ms (Frankfurt) - par: 17.2ms (Paris) - ams: 19.6ms (Amsterdam) - mad: 31.8ms (Madrid) - waw: 34.4ms (Warsaw) - lhr: 34.9ms (London) - nyc: 113.7ms (New York City) - tor: 113.7ms (Toronto) - ord: 114.3ms (Chicago) - dbi: 116.9ms (Dubai) - mia: 118.7ms (Miami) - dfw: 121.3ms (Dallas) - den: 125.5ms (Denver) - lax: 146.6ms (Los Angeles) - blr: 151.3ms (Bangalore) - sfo: 152.9ms (San Francisco) - sea: 156.8ms (Seattle) - jnb: 189.6ms (Johannesburg) - hnl: 197.6ms (Honolulu) - sao: 205.6ms (São Paulo) - sin: (Singapore) - syd: (Sydney) - tok: (Tokyo) - hkg: (Hong Kong) - nai: (Nairobi) 

Interstingly it get's started with the port configured (

sudo service tailscaled status ... Tasks: 9 (limit: 4613) Memory: 15.9M (peak: 16.7M) CPU: 713ms CGroup: /system.slice/tailscaled.service └─5628 /ussbin/tailscaled --state=/valib/tailscale/tailscaled.state --socket=/run/tailscale/tailscaled.sock --port=41642 

Also, the port is not already used: sudo netstat -tlpn Active Internet connections (only servers) Proto Recv-Q Send-Q Local Address Foreign Address State PID/Program name tcp 0 0 127.0.0.54:53 0.0.0.0:* LISTEN 629/systemd-resolve tcp 0 0 100.113.241.20:57332 0.0.0.0:* LISTEN 5628/tailscaled tcp 0 0 127.0.0.53:53 0.0.0.0:* LISTEN 629/systemd-resolve tcp6 0 0 :::22 :::* LISTEN 1/init
Has anyone an idea why it's not respected?

The original sentence uses worth' instead of 'worthy', and I think using 'worth' correct. My teachers insist the latter is right. They say 'worthy' is an adjective and 'a lot' is an adverb so this makes sense. But it sounds wrong to me and I don't know why: ((
Edit: thank you everyone :) I’ll still have to write the wrong answer in the test though, since if I don’t, the ‘teachers’ will get mad at me and ruin my GPA. 🥲👍

(*I did my makeup here but used FaceApp for the skin and hair!)
I was raised conservative and Christian. I even went to a private Christian high school. I had written a very dark poem that I don’t even remember what it said…but I do remember how I accidentally left it in class and someone anonymously turned it in which triggered a meeting w me, my parents and the principle. My dad was so upset that my mom was so sad that I learned early on to “keep up appearances”.
Some of the usual suspects: Sneaking into moms shoes at a young age, when older I was sneaking into my sisters wardrobes. When one got married, I hated what I was wearing and was so envious of her wedding dress. I played video games as female characters (and still do even at 53 now). I was jealous of the cheerleaders in high school, as an adult I almost always went as a female character for Halloween like Elsa from frozen, Supergirl or Alice in Wonderland…the list goes on.
It was probably that last costume listed that I started thinking it was more than just cross dressing. I remember coming home from that and crying (again, adult) as I didn’t want to take that look off my face. I didn’t know it at the time but that was gender dysphoria.
I rarely dated as although I liked women and still do, there was something different in how I’d relate with them. I pushed things down, binged and purged clothes and makeup more than I can remember. Eventually about 20 yrs ago I started almost exclusively going out with women who were trans. I know there are a lot of creepy chasers out there but in my case, looking at all the signs over the years, I was clearly trying to see THEIR life, and sadly kind of live my life vicariously through them I guess. I even ended up marrying a woman that is trans and still am after five years. She knew about my background beforehand but I was still trying to convince myself and her that it was just sporadic cross dressing.
At my work, I am allowed to wear nail polish and at first I felt paranoid about this and only did a few days a week and by now it’s pretty much 24/7 where I often forget I’m even wearing it. My dysphoria starting shooting up drastically then and I suddenly started really (allowing?) getting jealous of women’s clothes and body shapes. I’d feel awful about it but it was and is relentless. Around this time my wife was getting breast implants and I found myself happy for her but almost immediately I got extremely envious. Once again the person I married was essentially living the life I wish I started DECADES ago and I hadn’t even started HRT. I wouldn’t allow myself to even consider it.
Well there was an unrelated crisis months ago where we both went into individual therapy. And one thing, the main thing, that came out of mine is that to no surprise at all getting diagnosed with gender dysphoria.
I have an appointment that was made MONTHS ago (Florida, enough said) and it’s finally a week away as of tomorrow. To say that I am excited, scared, worried and so many other adjectives is a huge understatement. I’m not going to chicken out but man my wife and I will likely be getting divorced (still be friends) and my family still doesn’t even know as they will likely be blindsighted. I predict my mom will cry and my older sister will get mad but maybe I’m wrong. My brother cut me off five years ago when he found out I was marrying someone trans. The one person in my family who DOES know this about me is my younger sister who I’m closest to. Fortunately she and I are the same politically and culturally.
Have any of you that are on HRT actually waited a certain number of months (or even a year or more?) to tell family so that you could tell how it was making you feel mentally while on it so you could know 100% you weren’t one of the rare people that STOPS taking HRT? I just don’t know when and how to break something so life changing to them. And they are in California so I can’t exactly have a face to face meeting unfortunately. Did any of you get on a video call and tell your mom or dad? My younger sister has agreed to support me in this way if I do it when she is available to be at my moms for a call. Originally I was going to call May 1. Then I thought day of the first injection on May 20…but again now I’m wondering if I should wait at least two or three months to see how I’m feeling and looking. But I’m also afraid if I wait too long that they will next see me and I will look androgynous or something. I don’t usually see them more than once every 2-3 years and I will likely look VERY different by then.
Thank you for those that made it to the end of this, I’m sorry it was so long. I’m very excited but very stressed about all the likely fallout from this too. I can only hope that because I had married someone who is trans that they don’t think she suddenly made me this way but instead that maybe it will soften the shock with it being closer in the family than a transgender daughter in law or sister in law when they essentially always had another daughtesister in our family.

My aunt has given me the responsibility (or honor?) of her 7 year old this summer about once or twice a week. Not full time or anything, so remove if this isn't allowed, but I have been tasked with teaching the kid some English while school's out for the summer. I don't know any 7 year olds so I can't ask them what they're learning in school. From some online research I've come up with worksheets about adjectives, nouns, sentence structure including action words, present and past tense...
parents: What approaches work best for kids? Do you have book suggestions I can buy online?
I'm not really that close with my aunt, but at this point I don't even know what I'm supposed to ask her to get more information.
Thank you!

A bit of background - Me: 20F, in college, living at home with parents. I’m pretty quiet, reserved, and prefer to avoid conflicts. I know what beliefs and values (both political and non political) I tend to agree with, but I’m still figuring a lot of it out.
My mom: she has a very strong personality. Her emotions run very close to the surface, meaning she usually runs with what she feels without thinking through it. She is quite political and feels very strongly in her beliefs and values, and often any disagreement (or implication of disagreement) of those beliefs results in an argument. Usually when arguments happen (whether it be about politics or not) involves a lot of anger on her part, and when she gets angry, it’s like she gets blinded to reason. So it’s usually best to avoid arguing when possible. Despite this flaw, and despite our differences, her and I have a very close relationship.
My boyfriend: 24M, he and I have been dating for 1.5 years. He has high functioning autism, but with my personality we work quite well together and have a good relationship, but there are some logistical things that make me uncertain about the future (his work might take him to places I don’t want to live in). Also his autism makes him a rigid thinker, so when he thinks someone is incorrect, he pursues it (in an intellectual, non emotional way). This usually means he cites what he knows and asks questions.
The conflict - My mom and my boyfriend had a fight that I should have seen coming. The three of us were walking in my boyfriend’s neighborhood, and my mom was already in a bad mood. She tells my boyfriend what she thinks about a certain political idea, and he starts citing what he knows, she pushes back and he asks questions. My mom took this as disagreement, so she starts getting really angry and basically yelling and talking over him. It was ugly and unhinged. He can’t get a word in so he calmly excuses himself and leaves because he’s not just going to sit there and let her yell at him (don’t blame him). Afterwards my mom gave me a long, heated lecture on what a [insert every negative adjective] person my boyfriend is and that I deserve someone way better. Even though I think she is wrong, I just sat there and let her rant because once she’s in the angry state, disagreement will only make it way worse. Side note, the topic they were arguing about is something I don’t feel one way or another.
Fast forward two months, my mom still really hates him. I thought I could just deal with it, but her constant open resentment of him towards me was not only hurtful, but it’s making it difficult to see the potential conflicts in my relationship clearly (whether this are going to work logistically long term, if we want the same thing in the future, etc.). It’s things like calling him names and getting mad whenever he is brought up. So last night I decided to write her a letter explaining that her resentment of my boyfriend was starting to wear on me. I asked her to stop, and that if she wanted to discuss her concerns about him, we can set aside to do so in a calm, mature manner.
This was a HUGE mistake. She basically ignored how her behavior was affecting me and accused me of secretly hating her this whole time. She’s convinced that my boyfriend was in on it (the letter) and she’ll never, ever like him (even though I didn’t ask her do that, I only asked her to stop openly resenting him to my face). She thought the letter was me slandering her as a mom and a confession of how much I truly hate her. Now, at this point I think she has a mental issue that I’ve been unwilling to see. The way she twists the truth and her emotions get out of control isn’t really normal and I’m aware of that… but I still really love her and I know she loves me too. (If I was able to just cast her aside and didn’t care about what she thought I wouldn’t be having a problem here).
After like four hours of listening to her talk at me, making herself the victim, I was the one who apologized (even though it wasn’t right, I’m trying to prioritize maintaining our relationship). I’m absolutely clueless on what to do now. My mom is not going to change, she is always going to see my boyfriend as an enemy, she’ll never like him no matter how great he is. That resentment will always cause tension in my relationship with both my boyfriend and my mom. I am starting to wonder if dating my boyfriend for this reason is worth it, but I feel it’s so unfair to end it because my mom has issues. I love my boyfriend a lot, but our logistical issues is also affecting my certainty. I would be really heartbroken if we broke up nonetheless. I was also considering taking a break but I don’t know if that would help in any way. I feel like I’m going to be hurt no matter what happens.
Tl;dr - my mom resents my boyfriend because she is emotionally irrational, but I love both her and my boyfriend. Is there a way to maintain my relationship with my mom and my boyfriend in a healthy way or am I doomed?

A bit of background - Me: 20F, in college, living at home with parents. I’m pretty quiet, reserved, and prefer to avoid conflicts. I know what beliefs and values (both political and non political) I tend to agree with, but I’m still figuring a lot of it out.
My mom: she has a very strong personality. Her emotions run very close to the surface, meaning she usually runs what she feels without thinking through it. She is quite political and feels very strongly in her beliefs and values, and often any disagreement (or implication of disagreement) of those beliefs results in an argument. Usually when arguments happen (whether it be about politics or not) involves a lot of anger on her part, and when she gets angry, it’s like she gets blinded to reason. So it’s usually best to avoid arguing when possible. Despite this flaw, and despite our differences, her and I have a very close relationship.
My boyfriend: 24M, he and I have been dating for 1.5 years. He has high functioning autism, but with my personality we work quite well together and have a good relationship, but there are some logistical things that make me uncertain about the future (his work might take him to places I don’t want to live in). Also his autism makes him a rigid thinker, so when he thinks someone is incorrect, he pursues it (in an intellectual, non emotional way). This usually means he cites what he knows and asks questions.
The conflict: My mom and my boyfriend had a fight that I should have seen coming. The three of us were walking in my boyfriend’s neighborhood, and my mom was already in a bad mood. She tells my boyfriend what she thinks about a certain political idea, and he starts citing what he knows, she pushes back and he asks questions. My mom took this as disagreement, so she starts getting really angry and basically yelling and talking over him. It was ugly and unhinged. He can’t get a word in so he calmly excuses himself and leaves because he’s not just going to sit there and let her yell at him (don’t blame him). Afterwards my mom gave me a long, heated lecture on what a [insert every negative adjective] person my boyfriend is and that I deserve someone way better. Even though I think she is wrong, I just sat there and let her rant because once she’s in the angry state, disagreement will only make it way worse. Side note, the topic they were arguing about is something I don’t feel one way or another.
Fast forward two months, my mom still really hates him. I thought I could just deal with it, but her constant open resentment of him towards me was not only hurtful, but it’s making it difficult to see the potential conflicts in my relationship clearly (whether this are going to work logistically long term, if we want the same thing in the future, etc.). It’s things like calling him names and getting mad whenever he is brought up. So last night I decided to write her a letter explaining that her resentment of my boyfriend was starting to wear on me. I asked her to stop, and that if she wanted to discuss her concerns about him, we can set aside to do so in a calm, mature manner.
This was a HUGE mistake. She basically ignored how her behavior was affecting me and accused me of secretly hating her this whole time. She’s convinced that my boyfriend was in on it (the letter) and she’ll never, ever like him (even though I didn’t ask her do that, I only asked her to stop openly resenting him to my face). She thought the letter was me slandering her as a mom and a confession of how much I truly hate her. Now, at this point I think she has a mental issue that I’ve been unwilling to see. The way she twists the truth and her emotions get out of control isn’t really normal and I’m aware of that… but I still really love her and I know she loves me too. (If I was able to just cast her aside and didn’t care about what she thought I wouldn’t be having a problem here).
After like four hours of listening to her talk at me, making herself the victim, I was the one who apologized (even though it wasn’t right, I’m trying to prioritize maintaining our relationship). I’m absolutely clueless on what to do now. My mom is not going to change, she is always going to see my boyfriend as an enemy, she’ll never like him no matter how great he is. That resentment will always cause tension in my relationship with both my boyfriend and my mom. I am starting to wonder if dating my boyfriend for this reason is worth it, but I feel it’s so unfair to end it because my mom has issues. I love my boyfriend a lot, but our logistical issues is affecting also affecting my certainty. I would be really heartbroken if we broke up nonetheless. I was also considering taking a break but I don’t know if that would help in any way. I feel like I’m going to be hurt no matter what happens. Is there a way to maintain my relationship with my mom and my boyfriend or am I doomed?

I have been making a modpack for just me and my friends, the issue we experience right now is mass lag when we play a multiplayer essential world. I am not sure what can be the cause of it exactly. But when I tested in single player it was mostly fine for a occasional spike.
I am using Minecraft 1.19.2 Forge 43.3.7 With a current 125 mods
If you can please help me out as I am still quite new with designing and putting these packs together, I will appreciate it!

• Artifacts (by ochotonida)
• The Man From The Fog (by M_Productions)
• Oculus (by Asek3)
• Dynamic Trees (by MaxHyper)
• Sophisticated Backpacks (by P3pp3rF1y)
• Atlas Lib (by smileycorp)
• Butcher's Delight Foods (by onuadan)
• ESSENTIAL Mod (by SparkUniverse_)
• Pollution of the Realms (by EnderLanky)
• Structure Gel API (by ModdingLegacy)
• Sophisticated Core (by P3pp3rF1y)
• FerriteCore ((Neo)Forge) (by malte0811)
• Inventory Essentials (by BlayTheNinth)
• AmbientSounds 5 (by CreativeMD)
• GeckoLib (by Gecko)
• Pam's HarvestCraft 2 - Crops (by pamharvestcraft)
• Additional Guns (by AutovwDev)
• Carry On (by Tschipp)
• Balm (Forge Edition) (by BlayTheNinth)
• Placebo (by Shadows_of_Fire)
• Cold Sweat (by Mikul)
• Collective (by Serilum)
• Horror Elements mod (by predator97427fr)
• Tinkers' Integrations and Tweaks (by wendall911)
• Dungeons and Taverns (by Nova_Wostra)
• Cave Dweller Reimagined (by idk_someguy)
• The Midnight Lurker (by Voxla)
• Patchouli (by Vazkii)
• Dynamic Lights [Server] [Forge/Fabric/Quilt] (by Tschipcraft)
• Stalwart Dungeons (by Furti_Two)
• Dusk[Forge/Fabric] (by someaddon)
• Just Enough Professions (JEP) (by Mrbysco)
• Tarot Cards (by shiroroku)
• Hardcore Revival (by BlayTheNinth)
• Cloth Config API (Fabric/Forge/NeoForge) (by shedaniel)
• Create (by simibubi)
• AttributeFix (by DarkhaxDev)
• Time Control (by Unixkitty)
• CreativeCore (by CreativeMD)
• Tenebrous Lands [Forge] (by ASEStefan)
• Alex's Mobs (by sbom_xela)
• Simple Voice Chat (by henkelmax)
• Lionfish API (by mcl_ender)
• Thirst Was Taken (by ghenghen_)
• Born in Chaos (by mongoose_artist)
• Lit it Up (by Eruannie_9)
• Bobby Reforged (by Anthxny)
• Nutritional Balance (by Danny_and_Son)
• Zombie Awareness (by Corosus)
• Explorify – Dungeons & Structures (by bebebea_loste)
• Spartan Weaponry (by ObliviousSpartan)
• Serene Seasons (by TheAdubbz)
• ExpandAbility (by florensie)
• Architectury API (Fabric/Forge/NeoForge) (by shedaniel)
• Pam's HarvestCraft 2 - Trees (by pamharvestcraft)
• Blood And Madness (A Bloodborne Inspired Mod) (by Nitespring)
• ModernFix (by embeddedt)
• Mouse Tweaks (by YaLTeR)
• Simple Planes (Forge) (by przemykomo)
• Doctor Who - Weeping Angels (by Jeryn)
• Sleep Is For The Weak (by cursedgerbil)
• Serene Seasons Fix (by Or_OS)
• CorgiLib (by Corgi_Taco)
• Ore Excavation (by Funwayguy)
• AzureLib (by AzureDoomC)
• From The Fog (by LunarEclipseStudios)
• Saturn (by AbdElAziz333)
• Butcher's Delight (by onuadan)
• Just Enough Resources (JER) (by way2muchnoise)
• Serene Seasons - Pam's HarvestCraft 2: Trees Compat (by Darkorg69)
• Serene Seasons - Pam's HarvestCraft 2: Crops Compat (by Darkorg69)
• The Screaming Villager (Villager DwelleMimic DwelleImpersonator) (by ZZiggs)
• Hardcore Torches (Forge) (by WolfieWaffle)
• Corpse (by henkelmax)
• Just Enough Immersive Multiblocks (by aronson_1)
• Pam's HarvestCraft 2 - Food Extended (by pamharvestcraft)
• Immersive Engineering (by BluSunrize)
• The Screaming Sheep (Sheep DwelleMimic Dweller) (by ZZiggs)
• ForgeEndertech (by EnderLanky)
• Security Craft (by Geforce132)
• Nightmare Epic Siege: More Aggressive Monsters, Digging Zombies! (by nuclearlavalamp)
• Citadel (by sbom_xela)
• Siren Head: The Arrival (Beta) (by YeOldeDingus)
• Sanity: Descent Into Madness (by croissantnova)
• AppleSkin (by squeek502)
• Mutant Monsters [Forge & Fabric] (by Fuzs)
• Mantle (by mDiyo)
• Ryan's Zombies (by Nice_Try_Boi)
• Epic Knights: Shields, Armor and Weapons [Fabric & Forge] (by magistu_)
• Just Enough Items (JEI) (by mezz)
• Biome Spawn Point (by Serilum)
• Healing Campfire (by Serilum)
• Tinkers Reforged (by Mrthomas20121)
• Archaeology API (by min01)
• Harder Natural Healing (by MacTso)
• Crafting Tweaks (by BlayTheNinth)
• Pam's HarvestCraft 2 - Food Core (by pamharvestcraft)
• The One Who Watches (by Pixel_Coder)
• Let Me Despawn (by frikinjay)
• The Lost Cities (by McJty)
• Whispers of the Wendigo (by MSSHD)
• Rubidium (by Asek3)
• Cupboard (by someaddon)
• The John Reborn (by AerilonLegacyStudios)
• Curios API (Forge/NeoForge) (by TheIllusiveC4)
• AI Improvements (by QueenOfMissiles)
• Sound Physics Remastered (by henkelmax)
• ParCool! ~ Minecraft Parkour ~ (by alRex_U)
• MrCrayfish's Gun Mod (by MrCrayfish)
• Puzzles Lib [Forge & Fabric] (by Fuzs)
• Tinkers Construct (by mDiyo)
• Lootr (Forge & NeoForge) (by Noobanidus)
• Eyes in the Darkness (by gigaherz)
• CoroUtil (by Corosus)
• Additional Structures (by XxRexRaptorxX)
• Epic Fight (by maninthe_home)
• True Darkness (by GrondagTheBarbarian)
• Framework (by MrCrayfish)
• Starter Kit (by Serilum)
• Enhanced Celestials - Blood, Blue, & Harvest (Super) Moons (by Corgi_Taco)
• Spartan Shields (by ObliviousSpartan)
• The Graveyard (FORGE/NEOFORGE) (by finallion_13)
• Simple Storage Network (by Lothrazar)
• The End of Herobrine (by lgow)
• The Fake Steve (Steve DwelleMimic Dweller) (by ZZiggs)

For me, one is omelets, and I like to either chop up the ingredient fine and mix it in with the egg, or if it is something that needs to be cooked first, I like to saute it and then pour the egg on top. I especially like this for using up some parts of the vegetable that other dishes don't use, such as tough stems.
The other one for me is jeon, or Korean pancakes. I recently had some leftover somen noodles that had gone soft after accidentally making too many, and I riffed a jeon using them and some spring produce, and the result was reminiscent of jeon, Hiroshima-style okonomiyaki, and Cantonese pan-fried noodles.
Something akin to stone soup comes to mind, except that for me, I guess since I'm a vegetarian, I actually find making soup where the flavors are layered and not one note actually requires a lot of attention to thought.
Anyways, curious to hear what anyone else's are.

The Context:

A 43 year-old award-winning 3D artist with no construction experience makes a post to /construction bemoaning how hard it is to break into the trades. The thread has been deleted, but still can be read in full here.
His post begins:

I can't get into the trades for no reason that I can discern. 24 years work experience, successful, in an unrelated field. I speak well, no record. I'm eager, have spent time consulting in relevant fields.
It's not random, there's interviews, people make connections, sons get on the job, etc.
I'm white and male and those two qualities have made it impossible for me to get a job at 43 making $18 an hour as a helper to spend most of my time getting coffee?
What am I supposed to do? Banditry? Walk into any shop and it's "why am I going to sponsor you?" and it's not because they don't think I'll do the job well, it's "What is in it for me?"
Unions are meant to protect generational labor while putting window dressing up begging alternate ethnicity and genders or whatever else is on their list. It has nothing to do with who will be the best electrician or carpenter in 6 years.
Good luck guys, glad you have a place in society.

He is heavily criticized for this, with many pointing out that there are likely other reasons he has failed to find gainful employment in his field of choice. OOP then proceeds to get into multiple fights, mentions that he’s won several awards at Cannes, and pushes back on almost all advice given to him.
For readability’s sake, I have linked directly to Unddit for all of OOP’s (now-deleted) comments.

The Drama:

Is OOP too late?

No experience? You're 43? I wouldn't hire you either. It's a young man's game. You're a couple of decades too late.

Putting age into it is literally illegal. You're making my point for me. These public avenues are supposed to make you equal in the law, not add layers of insulation for age discrimination. Hopefully you're not an employer.

Ok we will take age out of it. You sound more aggravating than ten Mexicans of any vintage.
This field is not for you. Go back to tech or whatever.

I sound aggravating when I'm angry at your profession which in some form directly represents you? Go figure.

No, you sound aggravating because you took to Reddit to whine about Mexicans because you think you DESERVE a job that you’re wholly unqualified for. A person of any race, creed, color, or gender with any practical experience is a better hire than you are.

[Continued:]

I took to Reddit because I work in PR and I know how to get the mob opinion which is exactly what I got. I wasn't farming for likes, I knew exactly what this would do and I got exactly what I wanted out of it. I'm applying to "no skills needed" adult programs and am clearly among the top qualified for the job and I'm at the tail end of a long effort of trying to obtain such positions. The answer from shops is "what are you going to do for me" and they don't mean it in the are you going to do the job-type questions. These are "golden tickets" they use as collateral. The public avenues are exactly what I'm saying. You don't get to 90% non-white recruitment as something you parade on a website without excluding a certain segment of people. White people's avenue are through these shops and I'm excluded because people like you think like you thought in your original post. Good day, hope it wasn't too aggravating of an experience. Enjoy the slice you staked for yourself and acted self-righteous about.

You've repeatedly said your skills have nothing to do with construction & have no direct experience, yet still insist that you're "the most qualified". So yes, the 19 y.o. brown kid with 6 months is more qualified. Hell, I wouldn't hire you either. If you're leaving a job of $200k for peanuts because you're "not happy", there's no way I would believe that you will stay in a new field where the New Guy gets shat on constantly. Especially not with the attitude you clearly have.
If you're serious about getting into the trades, go to a trade school. It's a "back door" to getting in with a shop while also getting the knowledge you'll need.

I'm a 3D artist who has had construction clients, I've also had peripheral experience related to trades. Not in trades which is different. Can an engineer build a house? No? Does he know things about that house? Yes? This isn't hard and my attitude on my thread isn't me no matter how much you wish it were. You can walk away with your self-righteous opinions but I'm exactly who I say I am and I can see this bullshit clearly with my own eyes. You're not going to change any of that and you're clearly not going to learn from my experience. Fuck this shit. Yeah, I do have attitude now, look at the responses. It's clear. Age. Private places won't hire me for that reason alone and the public avenues widdle me out by race and gender on the final rounds. I've come to learn that the white kid spots in those places are things of value too. Everyone has a relative.
Buddy. You don't know the difference between a P-1 and a P-2 and you're too arrogant to listen to instructions, get educated or take criticism.
Why the fuck would anyone hire you?

Nice how you can describe me as arrogant without even knowing me.

Well when that's how you present yourself, how else am I supposed to view you?

Others object to OOP’s protestations that his being a white male was a handicap:

i stopped reading when you said being a white male is why no ones hiring you lmao

Innit 😆. I can't get work in a sector I've no experience it must be everyone else's fault

If I were a 23 year old woman who dropped out of HS with a GED I'd have gotten a sponsored union position the second I showed up. You can't tell me that's not true, you also can't look at me in real life and say I'm anything but what I'm saying. That's the reality of the situation, public avenues are excluded me very specifically for no reason having to do with actually being me.

It’s not true

It's not? You mean there's not quotas for these things that are used as actual hiring criteria in the places that feed the union shops in NYC? State and city funding isn't directly tied to their ability to hire these specific groups of people? Because, that's the literal system. You can say it's not true, but they'll tell you to your face and it's broadcast right on their website. If that's the actual system, despite you saying it's not true, that would suck. The age thing is repeated countless times on this thread. People have 2 consistent things, my age and my "attitude" for complaining for this being what it is. That's what people think, they're being honest. The race and gender thing, I dunno, I guess the state legislature? I don't even know.

Clearly you haven't been paying attention. If the guy who owns the shop is white and his kids are white and his nephews are white and his nephews screw up friend is white and they're all in the club and the union is getting quotas from the city they need to fill in order to receive funding that makes all public avenues inaccessible to white males, those positions are filled. That's how we do things these days. Check out places like "Construction Skills" where they brag about 90% non-white recruitment, etc. Well is the city 90% non-white? No? Are white people applying? Yes? You can pretend there's not a correlation here, but it's darn clear. Talk to anyone trying to get into the trades and on the men universally agree the best leg up you can gave is to be a woman. You might not want to live in this world, but it's the world we live in.
this entire post makes it clear that you just have a shitty attitude. i can count with my fingers the amount of women construction workers ive encountered in almost 8 years of being in the trades. this is very much a YOU problem, bud.

Another asserts that OOP’s mentality is to blame:

It’s the insufferable victim mentality. I’ve worked with guys like you and they never last.

See, you just don't encounter very many people who have worked 90 hours a week looking to make a career switch and rose to management in that time. We have the confidence of knowing who we are ahead of time. You can assign whatever you want to it, this is my experience. If half the guys don't have a license and the actual job requirement is "who will work the hardest, get the coffee order right, show up 30 minutes early and don't have to worry about smelling like weed" I'm #1, yet, I seem to be last. Perhaps this is someone who has specifically been on high functioning, complicated teams for his entire care
You’ve never worked 90 hours in a week in your life.

I have Cannes Lions awards, do you even know what that is? Try and tell me I never worked 90 hours, it's my defining feature as a worker. The biggest complaint about me is I care too much and that creates turmoil, over my career I've had to moderate caring about the end product and the client. Address what I'm saying, don't make shit up. Making shit up does nothing.

Let’s rephrase that. You’ve never WORKED in your life. I’ve done 90 hours a week pipelining. That’s work. And it was 15 years ago for me. I’d be fucking crippled if I tried that today. I got a back surgery as a reward for my efforts. Whatever annoying ass shit you’re up to is for soft handed tittybabies who don’t actually create anything of value. You’re one of the non-essentials.

OOP’s tone is critiqued:

You sound like an entitled know-it-all. I would assume that comes through clearly in interviews, along with a dose of racism. Nobody wants to hire the guy who's been to 40 superbowls and knows everyone and everything. They can't be taught and are a drain.

I think I sound like someone who is sick of this shit and you identify with the parties I'm railing against. But, you know, we all have different adjectives for things.

There it finally comes out. Politics!!! It only took 2 hours of this guy complaining and boom POLITICS. It’s always about the “party” you choose. What a joke

Buddy, I just wanted to paint walls or frame a wall.

But you turned it into something else. I get that you're frustrated but you're being "that guy". The chip on your shoulder is turning people off.

Yah man, don't listen to all the people telling you how insufferable you sound, it's not you it's them. That's why you'll never get into the trades..

Another gets down to it:

How much experience do you have in the trades?

How much experience am I supposed to have for no experience required helper positions specifically for adults?

It's uncommon to get hired into the trades anywhere without any real world experience

So only people with real world experience get hired. How does one get that real world experience, genius? These are helper positions, no experience required, adult programs. You're telling me I need the thing they're specifically trying to come in there and provide an opportunity for not having. This is madness.

If you invite someone whose nearly 50 with zero experience onto a worksite he's gonna hurt himself. You can learn to build by just flipping houses or build a deck. As for my trade it's unusual for someone to be hired after 35 even with trades experience.

[Continued:]

I'm a backpacker with a BMI of 19 in the best shape of my life. Age discrimination is also literally illegal. You're literally spouting the bullshit we had to go in and make laws over because middle aged men were getting disenfranchised.

Names are called:

You sound like a whiner. Just an absolute whiny little shit at 43. It emanates from you, and no one likes whiners on jobsites, so it makes sense you can't get hired as a no-experience whiner.

I'm the person who keeps his mouth shut knowing you're a dick with an authority problem who speaks up needing to prove size. I get my job done, don't say a word, laugh at your jokes, then go home. When I whine it's to my boss, about others not pulling their weight. I got bosses willing to attest to that, in spades. We all know things, sometimes we don't know the thing we think we know. I think I got this situation pegged though. Pretty stupid for you to engage, I know me and I get to base my opinion on the evidence you provided. You don't know me and are opining on a thread of me complaining saying I'm a complainer. Huh, wow, genius, you got me, I complained! I know what I offer, what my weaknesses and strengths are. I obsessively work at them on a daily basis. All of this is true, and everything I've written here is my story. Apologies if a single complain to you reads perpetual whiner. I'm glad you've found mechanisms in life to let you believe you're in control and able to exert authority in comfortable places. It emanates from you, who you are. I come on advertising no skill, I come on with a complaint, those are your accusations. I came in with them, so, bravo, figured me out and really added to the conversation.

Keep wondering why no one wants to hire you bro- Don't worry, it's literally everyone elsewho's wrong!

I'm being told it's because it's my age, race and gender, to my face. Whether that's right or wrong, up to you to decide for yourself.

The Flairs:

• “So what's your skill set? Lying and spinning bullshit?”
  
• “I have Cannes Lions awards, do you even know what that is?”
  
• “Whatever annoying ass shit you’re up to is for soft handed tittybabies”