Sample apology letter for late payment

Boston Tenants

2014.08.12 22:42 wihz Boston Tenants

For discussions, news, and organizing on subjects related to Boston area tenant's rights, issues, and resources.
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2024.05.21 22:10 SwanStriking491 He says he isn’t a narc and that I am.

WWYD, Hello all, this is my first post in here so bear with me as it might be long and very detailed. My ex-husband and I have three kids together. I am currently in a relationship and have been for a few years. We live together and it’s a completely different relationship that I’ve ever had. There’s been a lot of me giving in as i did during my marriage. I was a severe people pleaser all my life, caving in to more than i ever should have to too many people. This year has been the first year that I really have stood up for myself when it has come to anyone in my life. It took me 5 years to leave my ex-husband. Our whole relationship was rocky. We, of course did have good times. My parents were split up when i was 3 and they both also had rocky relationships after. Along with that , my dad chose when to be present in my life. Due to all that, I was very committed even though even before our marriage, many people told me to break up with him. We had our first child, two years before we got married. Fast forward to Marriage, 3 kids total, and were currently in marriage counseling. I had already had one foot out the door. One of my breaking points during marriage counseling is him lying to our counselor. That was basically the end of the road for me. My kids were suffering and saw everything going on and it was just time for me to strengthen up. Divorce starts and that was hard enough. I’ll save the headache on that one. He took nothing, but his clothes and he signs a dissolution of divorce because he wanted nothing more to do with me. We figure out custody of the kids, I did not file for child support as i agreed not to due to the amount of money he was making. Due to me having epilepsy and not having my license, He would pick up and drop off the kids at my house. I really tried to have a nice coparenting relationship, caved over so many things and so much more. Fast forward so much has happened between then and now. Everywhere from my kids have been in therapy due to issues that have been caused by him, them being scared at the first place he lived, and so much more. My number one thing I have done is severely work on myself, so much so that after he split, I was able to get my license for the first time in my life at the ripe age of 34. Now, I’ve had my issues too, i am definitely not perfect. I met my boyfriend randomly the same time during my separation and divorce, waited 6 months for my kids to meet him. When my ex found out about him, sometime even before then, my ex would cause issues at pick up and drop off including to using his car to kick up dust on my boyfriends car, stalk my house when he would go out of the way to drive by it at midnight when he didn’t have the kids. Made racist and rude, sexual comments in front of the kids. I caved so much, so much more than I should have. I went to file child support, he gets the papers in the mail, begs me to stop it, so i do. Child custody, same thing. Wow, I didn’t know i would be typing this long, lol, but I have been meaning to post in here ever since I found this group and this seriously feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders since I’m finally posting. I update him on everything about the kids even though each teacher have communication apps and he gets them on Tuesday until 5. He doesn’t have our kids do their homework so they have to do it when they get home, I still do everything for them, of course he used to have to take them to all their appointments, I do give him that when it came to our oldest, he took so much pride in being her dad, but also turned her against me when she was 3, he also does take our youngest to speech. He isn’t in the best financial situation, hell none of us are these days, so I’m really trying to not file child support or child custody, but im at the point where having everything through the courts is going to make everything just ease some anxiety, I can’t be around him without shaking. We’ve been doing better at drop offs and pick ups, we meet half way now, he pays me once a week, a total of 600 a month. I struggle financially. I get less than 1200 on SSDI. Now, My kids absolutely love my boyfriend, he lives with us now. My oldest want to call him dad, but knows her siblings will tell their dad. When I ask him about Child support, He will tell me to have my boyfriend help me pay for things, which when it comes to house bills, he does help, when it comes to the kids though, I really try to make sure I can cover everything. Unless, it’s something at his house, I pay for everything even school items. But the clincher here is, he wants my boyfriend to do nothing with our kids and frankly, i am tired of hearing it. My boyfriend really wanted to try to patch things up with him ( he expressed it would be nice that we all could come together for the kids) since years have gone by, but my ex stated, “I don’t trust you with the kids, and I trust him less.” My boyfriend is really involved in the kids life, including school, but when it comes to school visits for things, he doesn’t go to avoid unnecessary drama. We went to my oldest’s band concert, it was a Tuesday so he had them, I had picked up my daughter to take her to band after she was picked up by him. She called me, he was yelling at her on the phone, cursing at her, after he cursed at her in front of her teacher just minutes before . This was after the 3rd time being over 20 minutes - 1 hour late to pick up our kids. One day he forgot about them. So band concert, My 2nd child wanted to come sit with my boyfriend and I my 3rd stayed with dad. My second has ADHD and OCD and her anxiety is very stressful for her. He told her, “if you go sit with your mom, you have to stay with her.” Well, while that might have been the best idea, although, she has done it all the time with each concert, she started breaking down crying and shaking in anxiety because her dad told her that and she missed her dad and wanted to go sit with him. He just kept staring over at us until our daughter played. When done, never asked why she was crying or if she was okay. Kind of just ignored her which again broke down in the car on the way home. She is extremely sensitive that even though there’s issues with dad, she tries to see past it because she does love him, as do all my kids. My oldest states that she doesn’t want to shorten the days because she’s scared of what he will do or take it out on them. There’s days she doesn’t want to go because how he acts sometimes. Things she expresses to me, she no longer wants me to address to her dad because he has yelled at me in front of the kids at pick up or drop off when addressed, he will completely lie through text or phone calls. She tells me that no matter what she will go to protect her siblings. Unfortunately, I feel the same way. I fear he will cause issues all over again. Thank you for the long read. I really do appreciate it. I apologize for the grammatical errors lol 😂

Also, the day he yelled at our child the day of her band concert, I asked if he apologized and she said nope. He did although say,
Ex: I apologize
DD: for what?
Ex: for being a bad ass dad. *face palm*
submitted by SwanStriking491 to narcissisticparents [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 22:07 Fresh_Inspection_107 Car Dealer claiming check got lost on they way to their bank. Can I give the car back?

I applied for a car loan with my bank and got approved. Purchased a new 2024 car from a dealer in Feb with less than 100 miles. Maybe a month and a half later I hadn't received the title or letter from the bank stating how much my monthly payments would be so I called my bank. They told me they sent the check back to the dealer at the end of Feb because it was not endorsed properly on the dealers behalf and missing a signature from one of the two of us on the loan.
I called the Dealer to see if they received the check back and why they hadn't called us. They investigated and of course they have the check back but gave no explanation just asked us to come and sign again, which we did.
Another month and a half later, still nothing. So I call the bank again and ask if they received anything, they haven't. I called the dealer and they investigate and turns out they overnighted the check to their bank but their bank never received it. They are asking me to get another check from my bank and come up there and with it and we do this process over. The car is almost at 5000 miles and is not paid for cause of their mess up, and they did not follow up.
Honestly, I don't even want the car anymore. Can I give them the car back? Technically this is the Dealers screw up and I had to do the dive to figure out what is going here. It seems a little shitty on my part but is it legal? Am I breaking a contract giving the car back? I really wanted to give it back a week later and they said I couldn't and I feel like this could be a blessing.
submitted by Fresh_Inspection_107 to personalfinance [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 22:07 Demonix99 Capital decision

Hi all can anyone help? , I have received a letter that a decision made on 25th June 2022 has been overturned. They are saying we have undeclared or notional capital. This is refering to a house sale that my partner completed and was received £31,000 however she owed her family member £20,000 from loans and payments that she covered during the pandemic and this was sent. It is in her nans account as it's her money now and we do not have access to this account. My partner did not realise that she was ment to report the amount of £11,000 that she was left with as it was under £16,000 however universal credit contacted her and an investigation was launched. She provided all information and what she had spent the money on as she currently has around £5,000 left she honestly didn't realise and this was resolved. They were satisfied with this however they are classing the money within her nans account as our capital now. We don't have access to this money, do not know how much is in this account and have never received any money transferred from this account. We are currently being charged with a years worth of universal credit payment and a continued reduced amount because of that money. We don't have the money and it is not ours so why can they change us a reduced amount because they say it's between 6,000 and 16,000 but it's not ours so we would have to get Paid a reduced amount for money that's not ours or we can't ever change and we would not be able to receive our normal amount? I work and we receive universal credit top up and we are only left with a very small amount each month, the only money that has ever went into our bank accounts are from my work and universal credit top up. This is outrageous as we don't have access to the money, it's not ours and we can't ever get any of it. As well as the letter stating we have an overpayment of a year due to this? I need some help as it all seems like everyone's word against eachother and they are the decision makers so they would have to go against their own decisions which is making this seem pointless that I can get help.
submitted by Demonix99 to BenefitsAdviceUK [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 22:05 Old_Function499 Security+ 701 passed! Study materials in post.

Nearly ruined it for myself! I was convinced my exam was at 2pm today, so I showed up at 1:15, had a drink and review my notes. Went to the proctor at 1:45 and she immediately gave me an annoyed “be on time next time”. Not knowing at the time that I was late, I have to admit I let it get to me, I’m pretty sensitive. I spent the entire exam being annoyed and wanting to get out of there. It was only after I was in the bathroom an hour later that I realized that I was lucky to be allowed to take the exam at all. I was even thinking of going to apologize to her, but I wasn’t rude to her or anything.
With that out of the way, I passed with a 761/900. No, I don’t like my score, but I went into this exam with a terrible attitude (which honestly started way before exam day because I’m feeling burned out from studying). I raced through all the questions in 25 minutes and had to force myself to review for another 20.
It felt easier than Net+, there are more questions that are straight to the point. Still, quite a few tripped me up. Can’t quite figure out when compTIA wants me to consider FDE or remote wipe. I’m thinking, remote wipe is only good as long as the device remains online. But I digress, I passed, I’m happy, I wanna move on.
Here are my study methods: - CompTIA Security+ Study Guide with over 500 practice test questions These practice questions are good! Sometimes their website doesn’t work so I’ve done the chapter practice questions and the two full practice exams on my phone. My scores for the full practice exams were: 98% and 84%. - Professor Messer’s Security+ 701 course and study sessions Can never go wrong with the Professor. Unfortunately I couldn’t afford his practice questions this time around. - Jason Dion’s practice questions set one. I didn’t like these questions. There were a lot of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors which resulted in making the questions harder than they were, because what are you even saying? My scores were: 76%, 77%, 82%, 76%, 81% and 72%. I didn’t make these questions the focus of my study. - Also didn’t really focus on examcompass much this time around, I took tests on exam day and scored 76% for test 3 and 60% on test 19. Please note that I didn’t take the percentage based on points, but the (lower) percentage based on questions that I answered correctly.
Just wanted to do another quick shoutout to Andrew Ramdayal, his “50 practice questions” video gave me the confidence I had enough knowledge to pass.
Shoutout number two goes out to Pete Zerger, his Security+ exam cram videos are absolutely fantastic. I learned some new things a day before the exam. His videos are not fully uploaded yet, but if you need a quick review, you can check out the completed modules. If you need to review a short topic, the completed modules are also available in smaller videos.
Okay, that’s the trifecta over and done with. From start to finish that took me a little less than five months. Though, I’m not done with compTIA just yet, I like this structured way of learning. I have to do Linux+ sometime this year and I’m definitely interested in moving forward with what I’ve learned so far.
submitted by Old_Function499 to CompTIA [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:59 Popular_Doctor_8970 AITA For being upset my bf didn’t do enough for my birthday?

Long story, please bear with me because I want advice. May 19th was my 20th birthday. I wanted to go to Seattle and spend the day up there with my boyfriend (We’ll call him mark) and some friends. Anyway, we only had one set plan for the morning, and then the rest of the day was just exploring and doing whatever looked interesting. Anyways, I sent mark the link to a cafe in Seattle I wanted to go to so we could book reservations. He asked me what time I wanted it to be for and I said 10am, since the only times left were 9am, 10am, and 3pm. I told him 10am worked the best prior to him asking because our friends had to leave around 3pm for work. Anyway, when I replied, he had already made the reservations for 9am. He said “too late, it’s for 9”. Seattle is an hour and a half away from us so I was upset because I didn’t want to wake up that early. But I let it go and told him thanks for making the reservations because I chose to look at it at a positive way. Being there at 9am gave us all more time to be in Seattle.
Anyways, morning comes around, and my friend (We’ll call her Maria) texts me and asks if me and mark would like to meet up with her and her boyfriend zane at 7:45 at a local store. This was a plan made just that morning, but regardless nobody would have to wake up earlier to meet up with anyone. As time goes by I know my boyfriend isn’t awake because he hasn’t texted me, which he usually does. And I was alerted his phone was dead on Life360. I tell Maria we can’t meet them but we’ll see them at the cafe in Seattle. I drive all the way to marks to wake him up. Long story short I had to knock on his window because the back door was locked, which it NEVER is. Anyway i look in the window and his stepbrother wakes up from my knocking. For context marks stepbrother spends some weekends at marks house, they share a room. Mark opens the door and I follow mark to his bedroom door and I just say “Hey I’m sorry I woke you up”. I had no idea his stepbrother was there because his car wasn’t parked outside. He just says “kill yourself” in a super annoyed tone.
I was already kind of emotional that morning, because I took offense that my boyfriend didn’t wake up on my birthday and I had to come wake him up last minute. So the “kys” comment got to me, even though I’m good at taking jokes. Fast forward to the drive there, my boyfriend was buttering me up, which is super rare. He just took my hand in his and wished me a happy birthday and apologized for waking up late and kept telling me he loved me a lot. Anyway, the day kind of went downhill after the cafe. All of us were walking all around Seattle, and 90% of the time my boyfriend was walking ahead of me. Again for some context, my left leg is two inches shorter than my right, so lots of walking hurts my hips and makes me walk slower. My friend Maria noticed and would walk with me but after I would get back with my boyfriend and Maria with hers, I would fall back again. I said “Babe can you walk a little slower? Because my leg?” To which he replied “I’m trying to catch up with Maria and Zane. Also, every time we walk together you always fall behind anyways.” Also, he wouldn’t hold my hand. I saw how Zane held Maria and put his arm around her or his hand on her waist and mark maybe held my hand in 30 second intervals.
Anyway, nearing the end of the story, after we drive home, my friend comes over and drops off the presets she got me. It’s 5pm at this point and I still wanted to go home and spend my birthday with my parents. Birthdays have always made me feel a bit awkward because I’m not a fan of opening gifts while people are watching, I feel guilty for some reason haha, or like I’m spoiled. Anyways, I was looking forward to the gift my boyfriend mark got me the most, because a few days prior he told me he was leaving to buy me stuff. Anyways, I hated to ask mark this, but I was about to go home so I said “Can I have my gift now?”. He said “Seattle was your gift, it was expensive and you’re an expensive person.” He was smiling while saying this, so he was half joking, but I was a little taken aback. I didn’t wanna seem like a spoiled brat so I played off the awkwardness by saying “Oh ok, didn’t you say you went to the store though?” He said “Yeah but they couldn’t do what I wanted that day and I didn’t feel like going back any of the other days.” I said “Oh alright well are you going to get it?” His response was “Probably not.” I played it off really well, I wasn’t showing that I was upset in anyway really, I just got a quieter, because I really didn’t want to seem like a spoiled brat.
Also, on Saturday, the day before my birthday, my boyfriend mark went fishing with his friend and spent over 100 dollars on equipment and a fishing license. Saturday night was a bbq at his friends house and I attended. While all of us (friends and such) were sitting in the living room I told mark that we had two options for dinner, he interrupted me mid sentence and said in front of everyone “I’m not sure how much you’re expecting me to spend but it’s not much.” Again, I played it off, and said “alright well that’s okay I was just letting you know.” My boyfriend is an electrician and makes (I think) either 23 or 24 an hour. I feel like he shouldn’t have said that in front of everyone. It was indecent. Also, I heard from my friend (the one who dropped off the gifts) that when all of the boys were outside my boyfriend was complaining about how much he’s gonna have to spend on me, to which her boyfriend responded “dude it’s her fucking birthday shut the hell up.” Also, I’m sure other Washingtonians know that pikes place has a huge variety of flowers. It was my first time there, and I got excited and said “ooh I want flowers!” My boyfriend sighed and his friend Zane said “dude it’s her birthday you got that”. He in fact did not have that. I didn’t get flowers hahaha
Anyways, I was quiet a few minutes before I left. I asked if he wanted to come over for cake with my family. To which he responded “I mean I could.” I just left. 2 minutes away from my house, he called me and said he’d be over in an hour with gifts. Now this part makes me feel the absolute worst, because I don’t wanna sound ungrateful at all, but I saw on Life360 that he went to goodwill, I think a rite aid and a dollar tree for my gifts. This made me sad because I didn’t want a sympathy gift, especially one that wasn’t thought out at all. But when I got it I smiled and kept saying appreciative things. Like for example, he got me a book that says “100 things to do in Tacoma.” I told him “this helps a lot actually because I never know what to do thank you babe!” . I am grateful , I’m grateful that he still made an effort after I was sad, and I really do like the gifts he got me, because they weren’t bad. Just not thought out at all. Anyway he ate a slice of cake and left after that. I was talking to my friends about how sad I was about the day, especially because I cried on my birthday. Am I the asshole for talking to my friends about how upset I was about the gifts and the day in general?
submitted by Popular_Doctor_8970 to AITAH [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:56 Bergamo_boy Pathway for AMEX or Chase next card

Seeking some advice as I’d like to get into Chase ecosystem and AMEX. What would be a good path?
This will be my second card, but with about 2 years of credit history with my discover. Currently down to last credit card payments this next month with upcoming raise ahead.
I have Discover secured converted to unsecured, love it, but 1% cash back and 2% on gas is just ok.
I think the credit history is fine now, score is 771 . Previously had medical debt, but stayed in 700s for 11 months now.
Applied to AMEX last year, Denied (year and a half ago) for due to CL utilization and a medical debt not paid as agreed around 2016 in college, briefly jumped to 30% and back down to 20% utilization in early 2023 and down ever since. Curious if I can try AMEX again? The problem with Chase is no pre approval tool, so its a hard pull.
Goal is Groceries, Gas and online purchases, no travel.
I was pre approved Triple A, but dealing with Comnity sounds bad. Got a pre approval letter for Chase Sapphire Preferred , but that seems odd as a higher tier card not matching my profile.
Willing to go with other cards in order to get into the ecosystems that interest me, like cap 1 or citi , but in the end, would like a chase or amex. Kindly appreciate any wisdom.
submitted by Bergamo_boy to CreditCards [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:56 aereha Has anyone ever had something similar happen when trying to interview with Allied Universal?

Firstly, I know that I am supposed to beware this place, but money is money and I need a new job because my current position is being dissolved. I’m trying to get my food in the door to eventually get my lvl3 licensing.
The entire scheduling process was a mess. I got multiple texts and emails from a bot. Some emails and texts would say it was a phone call or video call only to be followed up by an email and text that said it was an on site interview. I decided to just go in person because it made the most sense and if anything I can just take the call in my car if it was in fact a phone call.
We recently had a bad storm in my city so I left my home two hours before my interview because I knew the traffic was going to be bad despite whatever gps says. I made it to the supposed location twenty minutes before my start time. I wanted to check in early so I went in only to find that there are no way finding signs or maps for where offices were located in the building. The only signs were just laminated pieces of papers taped to the doors. Because of the storm the elevators were down I had to walk up the stairs and walk the each floor to find the company. Except it turns out that there are two building with the same street number and name half a mile apart.
Apparently when you search up that street address without the apartment/office number it reroutes it to the building I was in because the street was renamed or divided. I had to put Allied Universal directly into the gps search instead of the address I received via email. Because all the numbers I was given were bots who wouldn’t help me or redirect my call and no one would respond to my emails. I was told by the secretary when I got there that she also got lost when she first applied because the street numbers all are the same and you have to put in an office number to find the correct building.
By now I am 10 minutes late for my interview. I showed the secretary all the emails and texts that are giving me different instructions and locations. She apologizes and sends a message to my interviewer. They don’t respond. She asked if I emailed them. I told her I sent multiple emails and show her the email address I used. Thats when I realized that the email that the bot gave me had a typo in it. She makes me wait another 40 minutes just to say send an email to the correct address and text the number they were contacting me from, and a different number she gave me, to reschedule.
I don’t think I want to reschedule. Should I try again since now I know how to find the building or will this incident count against me? I feel like I was set up to fail.
submitted by aereha to securityguards [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:51 SnooDucks1879 AITA for walking out of a gathering of friends after I felt disrespected.

Over the weekend, I went to my friend's new place. He's my best friend and we were neighbours for over 15 years. So I am already not too thrilled about it but I get it. It's completely fine.
The new place is a mess of boxes and all. My mate, let's call him Nate, knows that I'm not very handy in working with my hands. Pun intended. I can't bolt a screw or hammer a nail or drill a wall. I actually dislike all of that. A childhood thing. So he never asked me for my help. I'm more of a letters guy. I help him out with buearucratic stuff, permits, emails, computer stuff. That is my area and he gets it. We're totally cool about that.
A couple of our friends show up who are exactly what you need to hang the posters and assemble a shelf. Handy guys. One of them, Moe, as soon as he walks in and I haven't seen him in a long time. (Though, I recently helped him with some writing stuff up and such and he was very happy with the results) and starts berating me. "You've gotten fat, you're getting dumb" that kind of banter. I never appreciated it but sometimes I laugh it off if it is done in good spirit.
Now, I visited my friend early morning after I finished my graveyard shift so I'm pretty knackered and Nate knows that I can fall asleep on his couch at any given moment. That's completely fine.
So while Moe is cranking up the measuring tape and pencils and such, I'm falling asleep. I figure it is time to get back home. But he keeps piling on. "You're a useless bum, you can't even drill a hole in the wall" and other stuff like that.
It felt different from previous times. It felt disrespectful. Nate and the other guy are just laughing it away. I grabbed my keys and headed to the door. Moe rushes to me arguing that I shouldn't go, he was joking. It was just banter.
But I didn't want to engage him anymore. I told him it's fine. I just need to get home and sleep it off. He grabbed my arm to stop me from leaving. Nate came out and asked me to stay a bit. But I wasn't having any of it. I really dislike this childish locker room crap. I never engage in it. I ended relationships and friendships before over such things.
I asked Nate to lock the door behind me and I left. Nate and I have nothing between us. We're best mates. We talk everyday. But Moe didn't get back to me even though he showed a bit of remorse towards the end. Maybe his ego won't let him. But as far as I'm concerned, let bygones be bygones but I don't want to hear that crap again. Our friendship depends on it. It also made me relectunt to visit Nate in the coming future. It felt like such a negative environment to be in. It felt emasculating if I'm frank. Oh, and we are all in our late thirties. So I figured I didn't need to hear that crap in my age. I didn't have the patience for it.
Was I the asshole in this?
submitted by SnooDucks1879 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:49 pilotslashCPA Write-Up: Zero to CFII in 13 months, Part 61, $52K

Hi all! After a crazy, but incredibly fun and rewarding year earning my pilot certs, I wanted to make a write-up of my experience in hopes that it’ll be helpful for any other aspiring or current pilots. To summarize, I went from zero aviation experience to CFII in 13 months, Part 61, paying as I go and on the pretty cheap side. I do want to emphasize that I was ~incredibly~ lucky and had some very generous people who helped me out, and I could not have done this as efficiently and cheaply if it weren’t for them. I’m going to list all my takeaways below, but I think my biggest piece of advice is to network as much as you can because there are some amazing, generous people in this community that want to see us all succeed.
Background:
For context, I’m in my mid to late twenties and have been in the workforce for about 5 years. Through a combination of factors I decided to make a career switch to professional pilot but was hesitant because I did not want to take on debt. I have a family member who is an airline pilot who helped me devise a plan. I moved home and kept working my job remotely so I was able to put all my paychecks towards flying.
Private Pilot – 3 months, 75 hours TT, $12k
I did my private in a Piper Archer owned by my local FBO. The owner allowed my family member to be my instructor and gave me a small discount for pre-paying hours. We flew almost daily. I also took ground school at another local FBO in-person, and that was much more helpful than having to learn everything on my own because I was brand new to aviation. I took the private written exam as soon as my ground school concluded which was also the week of my checkride (bad idea in hindsight, but it worked out).
I solo’d around 25 hours and took my checkride with about 60 hours in the Archer (15 additional hours were in a friend’s airplane). The checkride was challenging, but straightforward and I was well prepared. The DPE said good things about me afterward and I was officially a private pilot! I’d be happy to answer questions or do a writeup in a separate post on any of my checkrides but for the sake of brevity I’ll skip that for now.
~Key takeaways from private:~
Fly as often as possible and make sure your instructor is aligned with that. Also stay on top of ground school. Also, don’t rush to take the checkride before you’re ready, it’s okay to have a lot of practice first. Lastly, I know DPE availability is a big issue in lots of areas and can cause people to have to wait on a checkride even though they’ve been ready for months. In my experience, if you try hard enough and call around, you will find someone. However, it might mean you have to travel a little bit which I know is not possible for everyone.
Instrument – 2 months, 150 hours TT, $14k
I was feeling a little fatigued after private so I was slow to start studying for instrument. I started by doing a lot of flying for fun, mainly flying in the Archer by myself on little cross countries to check off some of the requirements (in hindsight I should have found someone to split time with).
I did my instrument at a flight school in one of the adjacent states. This particular school specializes in accelerated programs, but they do not have a formalized instrument course. I went in-person and spoke with the director of flight operations to discuss my options. Since I had to take PTO to do this, the goal was to finish my instrument in one week with the checkride at the end. I paid a flat rate for the airplane and instructor time. I also stayed over there during that week so I had to pay for housing as well.
Before I went over there, I did some prep in the Archer that I did my private in and took the written exam (Sheppard air). I also purchased Sporty’s Instrument course and used that to prep and for the endorsement needed to take the written. The week I spent at the flight school was honestly a blast, and I was able to take my checkride on day 7 with 20 hours in the plane and about 4 hours of sim time. Again, happy to discuss the checkride in the comments or another post.
~Key takeaways from instrument:~
TAKE THE IRA, FII, AND IGI EXAMS AT THE SAME TIME. You only have to purchase the IRA Sheppard course and can take all 3 exams back to back. Also, again stay on top of ground school because instrument flying requires a lot of technical knowledge. But it honestly is really fun!
Commercial – 3 months, 263 hours TT, $8k
The biggest challenge for commercial was time building, of course. This is where networking saved me. I made friends with another instructor who frequented my local FBO who also owns a plane. He needed the time as well so we flew together a lot and I paid for the fuel. I also had another friend at the airport who owns a plane that he doesn’t fly often and offered to let me time build in that (again, I’ve been so lucky to come across some very generous people).
I did my checkride in the Archer that I learned in with my family member signing me off, and with the same DPE who did my private. Commercial was probably the easiest one I had done so far, but it still was no joke! I will say I was amazed with how much easier things came to me by this point versus when I first started, which was a great feeling.
~Key takeaways from commercial:~
Network, network, network. Spend as much time as you can at your local FBO or flight school and make friends with everyone. Like I’ve said, there are some very generous people out there who love to help out new pilots, and I could not have made it this far without them.
Also, in retrospect, it would have been a really good idea to have done commercial from the right seat. I’ve heard of a lot of people doing that and if I had, I would have been able to knock out CFI a lot sooner and cheaper.
Multi-engine add-on – 1 week, 298 hours TT, $4.3k
Shortly after getting my CPL, I had a week of PTO and decided to knock out my multi add-on. I found a flight school with a Seminole and got ahold of their MEI, and we figured we could knock it out during that week. I contacted the DPE who did my private and commercial and we scheduled my checkride for the end of the week. This flight school was about 2 hours driving from home, and I was able to stay with friends while I was there.
This one was a little challenging because this was in January in the midwest and we were seeing a lot of low IFR days. We ended up getting weathered out the first half of the week, but luckily the Seminole was an easy transition for me and we got me trained up in 3 days, 8 hours of flying. I took the checkride as scheduled and passed (I will say I have had extremely good luck with weather for all of my checkride days so far).
Sidenote: Prior to this checkride, I also took the AGI and IGI exams and asked the DPE who did my multi checkride to sign off on the ground instructor certificate at the same time. I did this because I’ve heard it helps when applying to CFI jobs (shows a little extra effort) and it was easier to do it this way versus having a FSDO issue the cert. Cost me $50 to the DPE.
~Key takeaways from multi:~
Do your research to find an airplane at a good rate. I paid $395 per hour which included the instructor, but I’ve seen some schools charging a lot more. Also, I looked into schools with accelerated courses that you pay as a package, and based on my experience I would not recommend because I was able to do it much cheaper my way.
My instructor did a good job of making sure I knew all the aircraft systems well enough to teach them in case I go for my MEI (which I would like to do soon). Since the MEL is light on material, I highly recommend this. Also, when I was doing research I was told to look for a Seminole or DA-42 because they’re easy trainers, which I would agree with based on my limited experience.
CFI – 1 month (on top of all my experience thus far), 316 hours TT, $5k
This was the scariest one for me. I had heard all along that CFI is the hardest and longest checkride and for the most part I would agree. I originally was planning on going to a school with an accelerated program for this, but after asking around I decided to do it on my own (with my family member signing me off).
This one was heavy on ground school. I got some lesson plans from various people as I heard that’s what everyone has prepared for the checkride, but I hardly ended up using them. I also had a friend send me PowerPoints he made for the technical subject areas. I edited them/made them my own and these are what I ended up using for the checkride along with a couple props.
As far as studying goes, the thing I found most helpful was watching random YouTube videos before bed every night. Although it was all review, I picked up a lot of tidbits that weren’t quite drilled into my brain as I still feel new to aviation overall. As the DPE described it, to be a good CFI you basically need to be a nerd about everything aviation and that’s what I tried to do. I would guess that I studied a few hours a day for a month and a half or so. As for the flying part, I had a little bit of right seat experience prior to buckling down for CFI (probably under 5 hours), so I’d guess it took me about 5 more hours to feel comfortable in the right seat. I took the checkride with the same DPE who did my private, commercial, and multi and passed! The checkride was 8 hours total so definitely a long day. As we were debriefing, I went ahead and scheduled CFII with him as well.
~Key takeaways from CFI:~
Start nerding out now (if you aren’t already). Keep a running collection of links and videos that explain concepts well or teach you something interesting, they will be useful for the checkride. Also, don’t buy lesson plans. As my DPE put it, there are really only like 5 lesson plans for any given topic and we all steal them from each other, so no need to reinvent the wheel or pay for them if someone else can give them to you. I’d also recommend really getting to know the PTS, because it lays out very clearly what you are required to do on the checkride (for example you know you’re going to need to teach runway incursions so it’s a good opportunity to be really prepared). I’m sure my last point is most applicable to those doing CFI on their own since you won’t have a school telling you exactly what to expect.
CFII – 1 month, 368 hours TT, $1.3k
CFII was possibly the easiest checkride to prepare for. I did this one in a friend’s airplane – a Mooney with a G750 and GFC 500 autopilot. It probably took about 10 hours of flying (I already have lots of time in this plane) to be ready. For studying, I reviewed Pilot Cafe, YouTube videos, and obtained some lesson plans from a friend. I did not use PowerPoints or anything for this one. I also had already completed the written exam back when I did my instrument rating. I’m not sure what else to say about this one, but I did it with the same DPE again and passed. It feels amazing to be done with checkrides for a while!
~Key takeaways from CFII:~
Select an airplane with a good autopilot. This made the flying portion of the checkride super easy. For the oral, I highly recommend working with instructors who send students for a lot of instrument checkrides. I feel like there are so many very specific questions that DPEs like to ask on instrument/CFII checkrides, so it helps if you have someone who knows what those questions are going to be. Also, FlightInsight on YouTube and Boldmethod were my favorite resources for this one. Lastly, make sure you know your avionics and autopilot really well, including reading and being able to teach all of the limitations that are in the user manuals.
Notes regarding cost:
I did a decent job of tracking all my expenses throughout this process. I noted in the title that the total cost to me was about $50k, which consists of the ~$45k that I discussed above plus some additional expenses. I also did my commercial ASES rating at Jack Brown’s seaplane base which cost me about $2.5K total (of course this was just for fun). The remaining amount consists of things like buying a headset, books, random accessories, and even some things I called “unnecessary expenses”. I temporarily paid for a membership at a flight school that I barely ended up using, so I put that in that category. While I did everything pretty cheap, I was definitely not perfect!
Here is a further breakdown of my expenses:
Airplane rentals/fuel - $36.9k
Instructor fees - $2.5k (bear in mind I got a lot of free instruction from friends & family)
Ground school - $1.3k (includes actual ground school and books)
Flight accessories - $1.2k
Written exam fees - $1.2k (8 exams total)
DPE fees - $5.8k (7 checkrides; this includes seaplane)
Medical fees - $290
Housing - $900
Misc/unnecessary expenses - $1.2k
Total: $51.7k
Overall Takeaways:
- For those doing Part 61/pay as you go, I highly recommend finding an independent instructor with a flexible schedule. This was key for me because I had a work schedule to work around.
- NETWORKING/MAKING FRIENDS. Go to every fly-in you can, always stop into the FBO to say hi to people, etc. etc. Having friends in aviation was monumentally helpful for me and saved me SO much money. Cannot stress this enough!
- If you are on a timeline, make sure you set specific milestones and when you are going to hit them. Make sure your instructor is on board too.
- Do your research! Reddit has been a fantastic resource for me throughout this process. Talk to people who have achieved the things you want to achieve. I really cannot thank you all enough for all your help and insights on your experiences!
Again, I am more than happy to answer any and all questions. I also apologize if anything is jumbled or confusing; this took a long time to write and I’m sure I missed things. I will also disclaim that while I did a good job of tracking all my expenses, I was not perfect and YMMV for sure. I just hope this gave a somewhat helpful picture for those hoping to do something similar to what I did.
As for next steps, I am aiming for the airlines one of these days! I have a couple interviews at flight schools coming up so I am planning to quit my job and finally start flying full-time soon. I want to do my MEI sometime soon as well but I haven’t figured out how I’m going to pay for the PIC time yet.
I also want to say that I absolutely love general aviation and hope to always be involved in it. I have made so many friends, had some incredible experiences, and learned way more than I could have ever imagined in the past year. For anyone thinking about flying, hopefully this is your sign to just do it! Feel free to comment with questions!
submitted by pilotslashCPA to flying [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:49 Off_again0530 I(23 M) want to tell my friend(24 F) that I like her but am feeling the nerves

Hello everyone,
Maybe I (23M) just have the nerves and am looking for some words of advice/encouragement with this post. I don't really have anyone who I can consult with on this in my real life so maybe that's just what I was looking for on here.
I have recently been trying to put myself out there more to be more social and have more interesting hobbies/interests. I speak Japanese, so as part of this, I joined a weekly group for Japanese speakers to practice conversation skills and meet others who also speak the language. Joining this has been a really fun experience and I've been very fortunate to make a lot of friends so far.
We have a group of about 6 or 7 of us from the club who have all become mutual friends. We have hung out outside of the club, and have attended volunteer activities and social events together.
There is a girl(24 F) from this group, who I thought was cute since I met everyone at the club. I hadn't said anything in that sense to her, but we would talk occasionally at the club. A few weeks go we learned that we both did volleyball as a hobby. After the club, I messaged her and asked for some tips on volleyball. We ended up having a pretty long discussion about it and at the end she suggested we attend a pick-up game sometime. I agreed and we continued to talk 1-on-1 in messages.
We have done a few other group things, like go to a concert with our friends and have a board game night. That was fun. We eventually ended up going to volleyball and then went out to dinner afterwards. I thought it was a really nice time. We got along well alone, and she told me she thought my interest in trains was "cute." At the end we agreed we should do this again.
A few days later I asked if she was free soon, and if she would like to go to a museum with me and get dinner again afterwards. I intentionally wanted to do something not volleyball, to see if she would still be down to go out. She said she was free this weekend and we will be going this Saturday. I've been thinking about it a lot and I really want to tell her I like her at the end of Saturday, and ask if she would be interested in making the next one of these a date.
I guess I'm just nervous for a number of reasons. I don't have any experience that wasn't through OLD, where it is abundantly clear what you are both on there for. Secondly, we are part of a larger friend group, and I really hope to not make anything weird about this if I get rejected. I fully intend to take that with grace and immediately accept it and move on, I just hope it doesn't sour anything.
But, the voice in my head is telling me I should really do it. We are part of a larger group of mutual friends, and I feel like if this was strictly platonic, she would have suggested we invite them to come along with us as well, but she hasn't at all. She always responds to me within a day of messaging her, and if she doesn't she'll apologize for the late response. She wanted to sit next to me at the concert we went to with our friends, and when she was dropping us off afterwards I told her she could just drop me with our other friend and I'd walk the rest of the way, but she insisted on driving me home. I have very little experience with IRL dating/meeting people romantically and I think I feel like I am seeing signs of interest but just also feel like I might just be overanalyzing this situation.
submitted by Off_again0530 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:45 SparkyNest [H] Recent Bundles +150 Steam Games [W] Want List or Paypal (from 0.80$ each)

    REP
Steam profile
IGSRep +119 trades confirmed
SGS Flair +237 trades confirmed
GameTradeREP +24 trades confirmed
       
Payment through Paypal (USD) using Good & Services option. Not accepting other type of payment (bitcoin, Venmo, etc). If you want to pay using F&F option fees are on your own (I'm from EU).
     
Press Ctrl + F to search games in the list
   
  Want List
  • River City Girls 2
  • Huntdown
  • We Were Here Forever
  • THE DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: LITTLE HOPE
 
   
   
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  • Western Press Mk Cans II Character DLC
  • Western Press
  • Kholat
  • 140
  • MirrorMoon EP
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  • Air Guardians
  • Gentlemen!
  • Gravity Badgers
  • Ignite
  • Tank Operations - European Campaign
  • McGuffin Curse
  • Age of Steel: Recharge
  • Combat Wings: Battle of Britain
  • Battlesloths 2025: The Great Pizza Wars
5$ * Earth Defense Force 4.1 The Shadow of New Despair + a ton of DLC * DLC list here
   
10$
Game deslisted from Steam
   
0.80$ each one
OFFER Buy 5 games of the this list for 3$
OFFER Buy 10 games of the this list for 4$
   
   
1.75$
OFFER Buy 3 games of this second list for 4$
   
submitted by SparkyNest to SteamGameSwap [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:45 SteamyDeck What are your leasing horror stories?

I need to buy a car soon, probably within a year or two (and even in that time, I'll probably have to dump a couple grand into my current beater to keep it legal) and some lease options are looking mighty tempting; a few grand down, a few hundred a month... but I just know there are catches, and even if I read the fine print, I'm gonna miss something.
So I'd like to hear your vehicle lease horror stories or, if applicable, how everything went well and leasing was the best thing you could have done.
I'm a recovering Dave Ramsey cultist, so to me, a lease is still a four-letter word, but, and maybe I'm just naive, if it really was that bad of a deal to the average consumer, I don't think it would have persisted so long as a viable product. My ideal option is just buy a "new" car outright with cash, either brand new or a couple model years old and I may still, but I'm curious what the car guys think.
One thing making me even consider leasing as a back-burner option is that my beater, which I've owned since 2017 (it's a 2009 model) has had probably $10-15k in repairs/work/tires/etc. over the years, so I've end up spending a few hundred a month for it if you were to average out the purchase price, repairs, and maintenance. So, even though I "own" it and don't have a car payment per se, in reality, I do essentially have a modest car payment (I just don't owe it to a bank lol).
I also have pets, play in a band, and live in an area with inclement weather in the winter, so keeping in perfect condition or having to pay massive repair bills or pay for scratches to the interior or exterior isn't an exciting outlook. I don't really drive excessively far, so I'm not too worried about mileage overages.
Or am I overthinking it? Do they expect some wear and tear? What's the best-case and worst-case scenarios with leasing?
submitted by SteamyDeck to askcarguys [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:45 SparkyNest [H] Recent Bundles +150 Steam Games [W] Want List or Paypal (from 0.80$ each)

    REP
Steam profile
IGSRep +119 trades confirmed
SGS Flair +237 trades confirmed
GameTradeREP +24 trades confirmed
       
Payment through Paypal (USD) using Good & Services option. Not accepting other type of payment (bitcoin, Venmo, etc). If you want to pay using F&F option fees are on your own (I'm from EU).
     
Press Ctrl + F to search games in the list
   
  Want List
  • River City Girls 2
  • Huntdown
  • We Were Here Forever
  • THE DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: LITTLE HOPE
 
   
   
SPECIAL PACK This 15 games for 1$
  • Western Press Mk Cans II Character DLC
  • Western Press
  • Kholat
  • 140
  • MirrorMoon EP
  • Contraption Maker
  • Air Guardians
  • Gentlemen!
  • Gravity Badgers
  • Ignite
  • Tank Operations - European Campaign
  • McGuffin Curse
  • Age of Steel: Recharge
  • Combat Wings: Battle of Britain
  • Battlesloths 2025: The Great Pizza Wars
5$ * Earth Defense Force 4.1 The Shadow of New Despair + a ton of DLC * DLC list here
   
10$
Game deslisted from Steam
   
0.80$ each one
OFFER Buy 5 games of the this list for 3$
OFFER Buy 10 games of the this list for 4$
   
   
1.75$
OFFER Buy 3 games of this second list for 4$
   
submitted by SparkyNest to indiegameswap [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:44 Relevant_Engineer442 Should I take this Summer job?

I applied to a boba tea place, with my preferences for hours being from 11:00 (opening) to 7:00 PM, but preferably until 5:00. The manager was really nice and seemed impressed with my application and basically offered me the job, except she kept apologizing and saying that the earlier shifts wouldn’t get many hours and that she couldn’t guarantee I’d get ever 12 hours a week. She seemed really uncertain. She said what they mostly needed was closing shifts which go really late. I said I could work until 7:00 PM and I think if I accept the job this is what I will be doing, so I’ll miss family things several nights a week. But I really wanted a Summer job and my other choice hasn’t gotten back to me yet and I have just a day or two to get back to the boba managed. What should I do?
submitted by Relevant_Engineer442 to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:40 teejayyy Clearance questions.

So I’m in the process of enlisting. I qualified for NUKE and despite all the warnings, I really want to do it. I’m a little worried about security clearance though. Manly, the financial part. I have less than 2k in credit card debt. Recently , I had a credit card I thought I closed go stay open and charge me a yearly fee which went 90 days late before I realized. That’s the only late payments I’ve ever had. I disputed it and Equifax took it off, but the other two are still in dispute status. Also, I’m behind on my 2022 taxes. Im gathering W-2s to get those filed asap. Just looking to see if anyone had similar circumstances and what their experience was.
submitted by teejayyy to NavyNukes [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:40 Current-Metal-Man Do some car loan companies have a limit on your monthly payments?

I tried to call this garbage credit union to answer me a simple question. Girl on the phone said "um, let me find out." I was on hold over 20 minutes and she or their system hung up on me. Never even got back to me "thank you for holding" or whatever.
So I'm asking here. I got a car loan through this 3rd rate credit union from a used car dealer. I didn't have a bunch of money at the time for a bigger down payment so with my car which engine was messed up badly but ran got $500 for that and gave them an additional $1500 for $2000.
After 2 weeks I got a letter from my new lienholder and had to pay a little over $475 for June, this is my monthly payment. I paid them $500 and noticed my payment for July went down a little bit. Then got $8000 and paid them. My payment due went to only this September. So I'm guessing they must have a 3 month limit or something stupid. My mortgage company doesn't have this nor any other car loan except back in the 1990's using a payment book.
So it appears the rest of the money I have them went to principal. Since then I've been making small payments and I was planning on giving them every weekend or Friday $125 which is $500 on top of $20 here, $50 here, $10 here....whatever.
My due date is still in September and I still owe the whole payment of $478.60 and hasn't gone down. So with the little information I have to provide, when do you expect my payment for September to start going down? As I said, they may have a 90 day rule or something.
If they keep putting it towards principal and interest without my payment going down and expect me to pay the full amount at some time then forget it, I will refinance with someone else though I really don't want to do that. My plan was to get ahead and stay ahead as opposed to saving the entire amount each month.
submitted by Current-Metal-Man to personalfinance [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:38 smedra18 19 yr old, 535 credit, is my life over?

I (19F) am freaking out about this, and feel like my life is over.
Opened my first credit card with Capitol one to start building credit, everything was going fine, credit score was looking good, until suddenly the payments were not going through, and I got notices in the mail of late payments. Called Capitol one, and they said to go to my bank. Went to the bank and they said their routing number had changed. Updated the routing number and was able to pay the balance (only $300). Capitol one closed the account shortly after, and now my credit score is 535!!! I don’t know how it dropped it so low, no other problems other than the payments not going through for two months and the account being closed.
Everyone else i’ve heard of having such a low score had a huge debt go to collections or something drastic happen to their credit.
Now I can’t get accepted for any other credit cards, not even through my bank explaining the circumstances. I feel like my life is over now, i’ll never be able to get another apartment, a house loan, a car. All because the routing number was changed by 2 numbers and i wasn’t aware. I don’t know how to improve my credit score with no other places accepting me. Is there anything I can do? Is my life ruined?
submitted by smedra18 to personalfinance [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:35 optimistic_9826 [Hire Me] A+ Writing Services, Affordable and Authentic Work!!

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submitted by optimistic_9826 to Essayprowriter [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:34 optimistic_9826 [Hire Me] A+ Writing Services, Affordable and Authentic Work!!

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submitted by optimistic_9826 to jobbit [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:32 penguindance01 Dubai Need Advice on Selling and Buying a Property Simultaneously

Hi everyone,
I need some advice on selling my property and buying another one at the same time.
Here’s my situation:
The issue is the developer of the new property isn’t accepting a clause to make the payment after we receive the proceeds from our sale. The down payment for the new property with UAB Bank is required in 1.5 months, around July 13-15. We really want this new property and are unsure how to proceed. Would removing this clause cause any risk?
Also, when submitting a final offer letter with my bank to buy this property, I assume they will calculate the loan based on the fact that I still own the previous property, resulting in a lower loan amount. Is this correct?
Any advice or suggestions on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
UPDATE: I just remembered that Form F has 2 month duration, does that mean we could wait until July 20th or a bit more?
submitted by penguindance01 to dubai [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:25 lunarscout Newbie question: if doing resistance training followed by cardio, when is the best time to stretch?

If my typical gym session is a warmup, then mobility drills, followed by half an hour or so of resistance training, topped off with half an hour of cardio, when would be the best time to stretch down? At the very end, after the cardio, or after the resistance training?
For context, over the past year or so, and for the first time really in my life, I (35M) have been looking after myself (hitting the gym, eating well, all that good stuff). I’m really enjoying it, and am starting to take things more seriously in the gym, but with that I’m getting quite a bit of lingering soreness in certain muscle groups.
I tend to stretch down after cardio, at the end of my entire workout, but as that can be well over half an hour after training some muscle groups, I’m wondering if that might be too late. Should I instead be stretching straight after resistance training, and before the cardio?
Or is when I do it moot so long as I do it, given that I’m keeping the blood pumping and my body “warm” during cardio? Is stretching even likely to make that much of a difference to the soreness I’m feeling?
Apologies for my ignorance, or if the answer to this is obvious; like I said I’m fairly new to all this. I tried googling it but all the results said “after exercise”, which doesn’t quite answer my question.
submitted by lunarscout to askfitness [link] [comments]


2024.05.21 21:24 Efficient_Divide7702 Why do I feel guilty over giving my mother silent treatment?

I (30F) have always had a rocky relationship with my parents. Being the only child, I had to play therapist and dealt with their helicopter parenting. I was never able to sustain emotional connections and friendships due to me not being able to hang out with friends, etc.
My mother's rule was "friends need to stay at school." I was not allowed to wear certain clothing. I wanted to wear skirts and dresses (when i first wore one, it resulted in a 4 day fight and silent treatment). Never was allowed to go out or just simple dates until I begged and cried to let me go. Never was able to have a relationship until 22, and that was a shitshow in the start as well.
I was, however, in school clubs and could get away with it because it counted towards school credits and would help me get some scholarships.
My dad would let me have some freedom as he pushed me to go on a school trip overseas (chaperoned by school staff) through a HS program. My mom had issues initially but didn't say much as my dad was on my side. My dad sometimes would agree with her just to agree or get influenced as well on certain things because she then would give him a silent treatment as well.
Anyway, I wanted to get a job as I was transitioning from HS to college, and again, it was a huge thing. She convinced my father that it was a bad decision that I worked. And won't focus on school. Mind you was a honor roll student throughout HS. I was able to get my first job again through a loophole at school where I could also get credits for working if my supervisor gave me good evaluations and got paid. I didn't get my driver's license until later on, so she would have to drop and pick me up EVERYWHERE, so i rushed to finally get one. I wanted to move away for college thinking that I would be able to have more freedom, but then they moved with me to save money on room and board. I would sometimes have evening classes, and sometimes, my mother would stand outside if I was even a little late from college (I am 21 at this point) coming back. Couldn't make new friends at school, had to beg my mom let me go out so friendships would always fall out.
I learned quickly that the only way I could get control over my life is my moving out. So I got a full time job (another huge issue) when I was in my last year of college, I started applying like crazy to be in a different cities to get my food in the door for my career. And I was able to get a job and move away.
A thing to note is that I had to do this quickly when my mother was out of the country. Otherwise, as always, it was going to be a huge issue. She had a huge problem with it, of course, once she found out and kept telling my father to stop me (he was not with her when she was out of the country). It was all like "why she always like this? Why can't she sit still at home?"You are letting her get in trouble," etc. My dad was whatever, as he didn't think I would actually get the job, but I did. I still remember they thought the offer letter was fake and tried to verify it. It was legit, and so I moved.
Soon, my bf moved in with me to the new city (another problem initially). But it died down a lot, and she toned down her behavior whenever he would be around. Image is a huge thing for her.
But still would still take jabs under the table (like when i got a small tattoo and colored my hair). I ignored it because if she was direct about it, I didn't want to address it.
The final straw that broke me was last week, I had been in contact with some friends that I made who also moved away for college, etc. This was a friend who kind of understood me as her mother was like that too, but she moved to be next to her father and away from her mom.
So she suggested that we can go to a festival together since she just finished her masters degree. I was elated and said yes. I am currently in my masters program, so I felt I deserved a little break.
Also, through therapy I realized that my relationship with my bf was very codependent and clingy and we have had problems due to that a lot so I wanted to work on myself and do my own things to get better to be more emotionally independent.
I mentioned it to her that I am thinking of going to the festival to another country depending on time off and money.
She kept asking where I didn't tell her where because I sensed it was going somewhere.
She started by saying if I asked my bf if he was okay with me going. Recently, I have noticed she usually says that when I do something, she doesn't agree with it, and when i say he has no problem with it doesn'tseem to digest well with her. I told her first I don't need permission, and second, he is okay with it as he will be with his friends.
Then she got furious and said that no, I can't go and if I did she would never talk to me again. I was confused because this is not someone I met like online like 2 days ago. It was actually one of my best friends in middle and HS school that I had before we both moved away and kept contact through the phone. Also, I am 30 freaking years old.
She then continued that if I had to go, it would have to be with my bf only. I told her that was ridiculous and I was not asking for permission or money. I was just informing her, and then she lectured me about always starting something new, and one day, I would get in trouble, etc. and lose my job and everything.
So I went off on her and asked exactly what the problem was. Why did she always had an issue with everything. She has been emotionally unavailable throughout my childhood, pushed me away when I needed her, and used me as a catharsis whenever issues occurred between her and my father. When i would confront my father, she would quickly switch sides, leaving be baffled. If I used to cry, she would tell me I was faking it with crocodile tears. She has no friends so I still let it go and talked to her because at the end of the day I feel guilty and now I am an adult and still didn't want a strained relationship with her.
TLDR: My mother who has always been controlling, told me, a 30 year old that if I traveled with anyone other than my bf she won't talk to me again as I would get myself in trouble. I feel guilty for giving the silent treatment to her as I have always been the one that reaches out first after these situations. How do I cope with this feeling? I have been thinking that maybe I was in the wrong and should just talk to her, apologize, and tell her I am not going.
submitted by Efficient_Divide7702 to helicopterparents [link] [comments]


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