General
I am looking for a lady between 28 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I tried to be as concise as possible while still providing what details I think are crucial to know; I realise this post turned out very long, but I prefer those because I can get as good an idea as possible with detailed descriptions, bar actually talking to the person, and find that very valuable, so if that also applies to you, that would be awesome.
Basics
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner (ranging from 5k to full marathon), training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with a fearful avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or in the stadium watching football and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I am looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus (and there have to be at least a couple things we have in common), emotional and sexual compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals (some of which in quite a litteral sense as they make for really amazing pillows) and ideally, you do too.
There is a saying that in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly, like I said, need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well – this just to put the picture I'm (somewhat haphazardly) trying to paint into perspective.
Second, sexual compatibility. I have a high libido and I have kinks, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy them together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, sexual fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. Someone on here has coined the term 'filthy best friends and partners' which I have no shame to be stealing because it's such an apt description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. I love the relationship model outlined in Stan Tatkin’s ‘Wired for Love’ and you should, too. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. I know codependency is the latest thing everyone’s afraid of, but experiencing someone you’ve grown very attached to just bailing because they’re counterdependent and can’t stand working on themselves while simultaneously letting you in is something I’d rather not go through again. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere. If you think’s it’s okay to lovebomb someone and then leave after a couple of months with the minimum amount of information and no proper conversation because you’re not ready to own up to what’s happening to you emotionally, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, be opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: many childfree people seem to be adventurous, but that is a trait I don't associate with myself at all. I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, seeing them change around us, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side (albeit not regarding height), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
The natural progression for me would be to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but having my heart broken because I already developed feelings due to a longer timeframe and then everything unexpectedly turning to shit is not something I want to have to live through again. I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself, I unfortunately had to learn that
Caveats/Possible red flags

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

I am looking for a lady between 25 and 35 years old, for a committed monogamous childfree relationship. My goal is to become a true team, supporting each other, caring for each other, nurturing each other and helping each other grow and realise our goals and dreams as much as possible. I'm hoping to find someone that values a relationship as much as I do and takes it seriously. It's not the only thing my life revolves around, but it's also not just something 'nice to have' for me.
I am 186cm tall, slim/fit built, dark brown hair, brown eyes. Both my arms are tattooed (full sleeve), as are my calves and the areas above my ankles. Regarding pictures see below. I am a runner, training multiple times a week. I'm also vegan. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. While I am mostly securely attached, withdrawing from me triggers anxiety and I have made a horrible experience with an avoidant partner in the past, so that is something I fear I cannot deal with again.
I am also an atheist.
I am a very warm, soft and sensitive person, I think I am humorous, I am self reflecting a lot and I can also be really passionate and romantic. Those are traits that also are really important to me in a woman.
I can be quite social, I am a good talker, but also love to listen to really get to know someone on a deeper level. I can enjoy an evening out with friends just as much as the silence of sitting at the shores of the river and watching the sunset in solitude (although I've been craving to watch it together with a partner for a really long time now). I can be out in a pub, at a rave, a metal show or at a football game and have the time of my life, but I cannot do these things every day; I need recharge time (on the sofa, in the woods for a run, a lazy Sunday staying in bed etc.). This should give you an idea; basically, I am a homebody that thoroughly enjoys going out in moderation.
I won't say too much about hobbies; suffice it to say I am into the dark, the obscure, the macabre, the occult, the mysterious, the erotic. It won't surprise you that I had a gothic phase in my youth, bonus points if you did too!
What I'm looking for
Although similar hobbies and interests are a plus, emotional and intimate compatibility are more important to me. I am a very sensitive and emotional person (I do cry easily and by this point I don't think I'll ever be able to change that, sorry), so if you're too, we will definitely understand each other. I need someone who I can open up to (which I do rather quickly, anyway), be myself, bare my soul to and I need these things from you, too. I've had my share of emotionally unavailable women who were afraid of intimacy so I know I can't deal with that again because of the way how those things affect me. I am always emotionally invested with the woman I pursue and in those cases that was to my detriment. But my ability to feel so deep is also something I wouldn't want to change because as of yet, although it's getting harder, I haven't given up on finding someone.
With those emotional needs come two requirements that I found to be vital over the years: First, being able to be silly and cutesy together and to accept each other's inner child and care for it. I am not talking about having to deal with another person's immaturity or inability to perform basic adult skills, rather with the way sadness, hurt, anxiety and being overwhelmed manifests for me (and maybe for you, too?). I need someone who is able to comfort me, to hold me, to allow me to be weak and needy for a while until I've calmed down, and I'm more than ready to offer the same. Your inner child can come out for a while, no problem (: Also in a positive way: Thankfully, today everyone seems to be understanding of the cuteness overload cats (or any animal baby, really) can cause; I need that with a partner. I also still have plushies as comfort animals and ideally, you do too.
Apparently in every relationship, one person is the stronger one. In the past, I have been with women who obviously were stronger than me, but that doesn't mean they always had to be strong, far from it. I certainly need to be able to feel protected, but it's not like I'm a particularly needy partner, like everyone, I have my ups and downs, but I can pull my weight and have been told by past partners that I am very caring and that they felt safe and understood with me, and providing that for my partner is really important for me as well.
Second, intimate compatibility. I am rather insatiable and love to experiment when it comes to the bedroom, so you should, too, in order that we can explore and enjoy together. I found out how fulfilling living out those fantasies can be after years of never being able to try and in a relationship, this kind of fulfillment for both partners is a must for me. I found the term 'filthy best friends and partners' to be a perfect description.
I'm looking for a balance between healthy independence and being emotionally present. A relationship where we 'get' each other; we're both each other's number one and treat each other like royalty. Where a disagreement leads to more intimacy between us as we understand better, not to resentment. Where we're comfortable baring our souls to each other, becoming a safe haven and secure base for each other. I don't like the modern notion that you 'should never feel too safe in a relationship' because that sounds like running from the mafia (and believe me, I love mafia movies); you should always put in effort, yes, but safety is one of the things I always want to experience and provide in a relationship. We shouldn't fear that a disagreement leads straight to breakup. I know ‘self-sufficiency’ is trending right now, but I feel like as partners, we’re partly responsible for each other and not our own but also each other’s happiness. Being dependant and dependable at the same time is important; making each other’s wellbeing a priority. If you’re not able to healthily depend on someone and their support while you’re having a hard time, look elsewhere. If I have to be afraid you’ll run at the first major problem that surfaces, even if it’s a ‘you’-problem, it’s not going to work. I think that all things can and need to be talked about. If you think ignoring someone for days is a form of communication, please look elsewhere.
I am looking for someone real. We all have our problems, I don't want or need a 'perfect' person. You don't have everything figured out or 'all your shit' together. Be imperfect. Admit when you feel sad and angry, lonely, hopeless or even helpless – it's all relatable. Don't hide it. Be quirky, be dorky, be witchy, opinionated, be yourself. Don't pretend.
I'm looking for someone to share romance with. Not great gestures, but small, meaningful ones. Poems for each other, expressing our feelings; cards with heartfelt messages that we put our perfume/cologne on, and a symbol that means something to us only, the print of your lips with lipstick, the way I sign and seal my letters for you.
Just as important to me is agreeing on living a healthy life, staying in shape both for ourselves and for each other, regularly working out and eating healthy. I am drug and disease-free and expect the same of you. I do drink as I love a good beer or glass of wine, rum or whiskey, but I've never really been drinking much and especially during the past year have further reduced it. One vice I have is that I enjoy a couple of cigars a year, but I can definitely accommodate you in this regard.
Another important point is aligned life goals: I value safety more than adventure. I want to build a home together with my partner, a safespace for the both of us, where we always feel loved and protected, a place that we create together, make it cozy together so we just love to get back home there wherever we might have been, a home we decorate together for Halloween (my favourite holiday) or Christmas or Springtime, as we live in tune with the seasons, enjoying nature on a walk or the rain outside, reading in our cozy home. I value stability and harmony.
Appearance-wise, I am into ladies on the smaller side), so I'm looking for someone petite/slim/skinny/healthy-fit. Likewise, I am not really muscular and don't have visible abs; like I said, I'm a runner, so if you're more into the gym-type, I'm not a good fit.
I’d prefer to move from text to voice calls, videochat and then meeting up, all of that rather sooner than later. Not that there’s a need to rush anything, but I’d rather see earlier if we’re compatible or not; as someone who catches feelings fast I need to protect myself.
Caveats

• I don't like travelling as it stresses me out; I don't mind being somewhere else for a week or two, but the organisation part of it drains my energy very quickly and dealing with stuff that doesn't work out is overwhelming to me. Smaller trips are ok, but I'm not the right person to travel the world with.
• I am not the most awake person in the morning (i.e. I identify as nightowl)
• I don't want children and had a vasectomy
• I need space for my own projects/time to recharge after social interaction.
• While I feel like I am in tune with my inner child and working on/with it through therapy, I realise this is something that could be a turn-off for people.
• I have been diagnosed with depressive episodes in the past and am taking anti-depressants right now. I realise that I am a work in progress, maybe more so than in times past, but I manage and the fact that I'm putting myself out here is based on me being ready to get to know someone new.
• I want to create a home together here, as I'm firmly rooted where I was born; I realise this is a lot to ask, but I have seen many people here being open to moving, so I want to at least try reaching out to them.

If you're interested, feel free to message me and include some pictures of yourself and I will reply with my own. Have a nice day (:

I read an article a few weeks ago that explained this concept that there's a biological basis for the highest threshold of an individuals' potential happiness. In short there's this idea, with scientific evidence to back it, that it's biologically predetermined how happy ones resting and max "happiness" state can be, and I've just been unable to get that out of my mind since reading it.
I've been chronically unhappy my whole life. My family has been chronically unhappy their entire lives. My parents are two people I deeply respect who are both bipolar and both had fucked childhoods but broke the cycle and did everything in their power to raise their kids to have opportunities, emotional vulnerability, and kindness that they never got. They go to therapy, take their prescribed meds, and have open conversations with each other and with us kids etc. But there's just this deep set sadness to both of them that's so intense that it can be hard to even interact with them. It's always there even during happy times and even as they espouse these deeply thoughtful sentiments and epiphanies they've had about life. There's these constant hills and valleys - ups and downs - and it's exhausting just to watch. Every time another rough patch hits I become genuinely concerned that this will be the straw that breaks the camels back and they'll end their lives. They're in their fifties and sixties respectively but during my last visit alone my mother admitted to continuing to cut herself and I walked into a room late at night to find my dad just staring at the wall silently with tears streaming down his cheeks.
When I heard about this biological concept of happiness I think it hit me so hard because I feel it's true. I've told I didn't smile until I was 9 months old, and I've always felt disconnected with the strong, passionate feelings people talk about. Wonderment at the sight of a beautiful natural landscape or art piece, intense passion for a hobby or interest, and even sexual attraction are all concepts that are foreign to me. I don't feel nothing but everything has always felt muted. I have all the symptoms of depression and have been clinically diagnosed as such but these symptoms were never novel - they've been here as long as I can remember. But they have worsened with time. It's just so disheartening. I feel like there's nothing I can do. I've taken medication, changed medication, gone off my medication, seen therapists, journaled, exercised more, done yoga and deep breathing exercises, changed my diet, socialized more, quit social media... Done everything under the fucking sun. But I see my parents, a generation older than me but having done the same and being far stronger than me but still so clearly suffering perpetually... And then this biological basis shit. And it's not like the medications do shit either. Doctors don't even know everything they do and if you look at the clinical studies the success rate is pretty pathetic. And even when they do work they just have to keep upping your dose until you become so resistant that it's medically unsafe to give you more (not that they know all the implications of the meds they're force feeding you anyways) and they have to switch you to another med that gives you the worst side effects and takes you out of your mind until you get fucking PTSD from the drug alone...
I think I've always held onto this idea that something will work. Some change or epiphany will make me feel something. But either you take a drug and are numb forever or you go off the drug and feel a modicum more in terms of range of emotion but then you dip down worse and want to drive off a cliff. When I was a teenager and first realized these thoughts weren't normal I chalked it up to teen angst. Then it didn't go away so I talked to my parents and I went to therapy and got some Prozac and I waited because these things take time and nothing. Then I thought I must be unfulfilled in my relationships but I couldn't fucking keep one because I couldn't get it up. My father told me recently that his philosophy is that life will always be peaks and valleys but whenever he's in a dark spot he knows that soon he'll be rising back up to another peak. But I don't think I can do that for the rest of my life.

The Scriptures seem to imply that the kingdom of God isn't exactly synonymous with what is called "the Church." The Church was a temporary eschatological community of believers that existed on earth in preparation of a kingdom where God Himself would reign, and said community had Christ reign over them in the meantime. The head of the Church was Christ, with the Father serving as his head (1 Cor. 11:3). The Scriptures teach that, when all Christ's enemies were to be made his footstool, he was to give back all authority to the Father (Psa. 110:1, 1 Cor. 15:22-28), and it is this page's belief that this happened in 70 AD.
The following quotation is from the above hyperlink:

As for the "1000 years" mentioned in Revelation, they are apocalyptic metaphor for the 40 years Christ "reigned" (triumphed) over his enemies both human and spirit, with the final triumph being the judgement of apostate Jerusalem. The "1000 years" began with his ascension, and ended with this judgement.

Thus, the community to replace the Church on earth was to be the kingdom of God. But, what even is the kingdom of God, and why did God have to reclaim authority of His own creation in the first place?
To be as succinct as possible: man sinned, and so the great level of authority God initially granted us ourselves over the creation was stripped. As a result, the human condition has suffered and it must be redeemed for God to allow us to reign with Him in the way that He originally intended for us. God has always been sovereign, of course, but He seeks the good of man to make us stewards over His world with Him, as that was His original plan and this was His original view of what a kingdom of His truly looks like: a kingdom characterized by man's love for Him and love for others.
A Biblical understanding of Adam's sin, contrary to popular thought, isn't that we are guilty of what he did personally. We simply inherit his fallen nature and a fallen world as a result of his sin, the same way a baby could leave the womb already addicted to certain substances because the mother abused said substances while pregnant. It's not the baby's fault for its condition, it was the parent's. But the baby is born with this condition and enters the world like this nonetheless.
The implication of this is that we are all only guilty of our own sins, and whether or not we ever seek to treat (or possibly cure) our condition in the first place is on us. We were dealt a bad hand due to Adam, sure, but God doesn't hold us responsible for what our forefather did. God only holds us responsible for what we do, and whether or not we seek to be liberated from the dark forces which keep us in bondage to our sinful condition (Gen. 4:6-7, Deut. 24:16, Jer. 31:30, Ezek. 18, Matt. 9:9-13).
The whole Old Testament is essentially a record of God's people constantly breaking their covenant(s) with Him. There are individuals mentioned throughout that were, of course, commended by God and the Biblical authors for their righteousness in honestly pursuing to remain faithful to their covenant with Him. But even the best of these people often faltered and, in fact, did rather heinous things in their lives at one point or another. One of the greatest examples of this is king David, who was literally called by the Scriptures "a man after God's own heart" (1 Sam. 13:14, Acts 13:22). Yet, this same man at one point committed adultery and then murdered the man he stole the wife of to try and cover it up. This was a heinous thing, and David repented of what he did with genuine sorrow and guilt toward God. God ultimately forgave him, but not without a heavy hand of chastisement and earthly consequences for his actions.
All throughout the Old Testament, you see various men of God who were deemed righteous, but these same men were usually shown to have some major flaw that prevented them from living a life that could be characterized as consistent obedience to the commandments to love God and love others as themselves. There is something deeply wrong with man's heart, according to the Bible. Something so wrong, in fact, that a whole prophecy had to be given that promised to address the issue of man's seeming incapability to accomplish fulfilling the commandment to love consistently on their own without some sort of divine help from above:

"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh."-Ezekiel 36:26

Naturalistic philosophies see the physical world as all that exists. Humans beings are the result of mindless, chance causes and processes. Humans are essentially animals – highly evolved, but no different in significance than any other living thing. Thus naturalistic views demote humans. But this view leaves a lot unexplained. Why do humans practice altruism, benevolence, or acts of heroism? And what explains acts of incredible evil? Sure, naturalistic arguments have been made that true altruism doesn't exist, and that "unconditional love" is really just an illusion that's been disguised very well by our survival instincts that we've developed over a long period of time at certain stages of our evolutionary process. However, many people have found such arguments to be unpersuasive and naive when compared to their actual experience of the world as they mature in their lives and have what they know to be truly meaningful experiences that can't simply be reduced in the way that the naturalist wishes them to be. This realization was ultimately why I transitioned from hard atheism to agnostic spiritualism at one point or another.
On the other extreme of these things, transcendental worldviews and philosophies say that the physical world is illusory. Only the spiritual world is ultimately real. Humans are an expression of the divine spirit that is the essence of all things. If naturalistic views demote humans to the level of animals, transcendental views promote human beings. God is not “out there” somewhere; we are God. God is all, thus God is us. But this view doesn’t explain real evil. Why are people selfish? Why do they hurt others? What accounts for personal acts of evil like rape or terrorism? If we are all truly "God," then why would we ever do such things to what is ultimately "ourself"? And why can't a person who practices the belief that we are all actually "God" be only loving? There are so many people who adopt this view of reality who are constantly, day by day, finding that they struggle to be as truly loving as they wish to be because they will still sometimes find themselves thinking and doing rather evil and selfish things. I can speak from experience here, remembering throwing myself into the New Age movement when I was desperately seeking what I did not know at the time was forgiveness for and redemption from my sins because of who I was as a person up until that point. I was seeking the mythic "ego death" that promised me that I could truly be loving and find the forgiveness and redemption I was searching for, because I thought that if only I truly realized I was "God" all along, I could then accomplish these things all at once and simultaneously. I eventually found even this philosophy unsatisfactory when I came to the aforementioned conclusions concerning our great capacity for evil, and also realized that forgiveness can only exist if there are two parties: forgiver and forgivee. Such a thing is impossible if there is only really one being at play at the bottom of reality, and I knew deep down that forgiving oneself (at least, on its own) will never satisfy one's pursuit for redemption that we all inherently take part in whenever pursuing to mend even our own relationships with each other as humans. Further, love would be an illusion in this philosophy too, being that there is only really one party behind and in all of existence if "everything is God." Such an idea would make true altruism a farce, as well. There would be no such thing as real sacrifice for another, because there is no "another."
The French mathematician and Christian philosopher Blaise Pascal said, “Man’s greatness and wretchedness are so evident that the true religion must necessarily teach both.” Any philosophy that cannot fully account for human greatness and human depravity at the same time should be abandoned because it misses something obvious about the human condition. The religion of the Bible has a valid explanation for human greatness: people are made in God’s image. Thus we have dignity, value, and capacity for good. The Bible also explains human evil: the image of God has been defaced by sin. Our great capacity gets used for the wrong purposes. Our creativity is placed in the service of evil and our best intentions twisted for selfish gain. Something has gone terribly wrong. While other worldviews unduly demote or promote humanity, the Bible gets the tension just right.
Thus, human nature is puzzling and conflicting. Other worldviews—both secular and religious—struggle to account for this enigma, and don't offer satisfying solutions to the problem itself. The Bible, however, explains what happened when it tells us that man rebelled against God in the paradise that was prepared for him called "the Garden of Eden." We fell into temptation and estranged ourselves from God by tarnishing the image we were created in, and now are born with a natural proclivity to do evil, despite our best efforts to do good (that is, to do good consistently).
And so, the Bible promised a solution in the prophet Ezekiel that God will literally change our natural human condition, if we simply choose to humble ourselves before Him in faith to allow for such a change. While as unbelievers our inner disposition towards God is often rebellious, we at least still have the capacity to choose to do the righteous thing in seeking God that He may change us and forgive us if we so let Him. This is one reason why Jesus, (the one who made the fulfillment of Ezekiel's prophecy even possible by his coming, sacrifice, ressurection, and outpouring of the Spirit upon his ascension), said that only faith the size of a mustard seed was required for something so miraculous as moving a mountian to happen, because so little is required from us to allow God to change us into the kind of person He's always wanted us to be, and yet changing the condition of our own heart can be compared to literally moving a mountain if we were to try and do so on our own strength alone. The mustard seed was the smallest of seeds, and yet if one simply planted it and nurtured it, it could become a bush so large that it was comparable to a tree with branches that stretched to the heavens for the very birds of the air to rest on.
It was when I came to these realizations that I prayed to God for the first time again, having been years since I did so, going so far back as to when I was a little child even. I prayed in the dead of night in my room, and asked God to show me the truth and to reveal Himself to me if indeed these things were true, and in an instant I felt His very presence in my room, and my heart was changed. To describe such an experience would be like trying to describe the taste of something to the man born without tastebuds, the color of something to the man born blind, or the sound of something to the man born deaf; there are no words, and it is only something you can know by experiencing it for yourself. Suddenly and all at once, I knew right then and there that Jesus really was who he said he was, that the one true God is the God of the Bible, and that I have been forgiven. As the time of this post, it's been 5 years since then, I'm 23 now, and I'm still walking with God.
My prayer for anyone reading this that may not know God for themselves yet is that one day, you will too.
Back to the topic at hand.
When Adam sinned, we fell under the tyranny of death, corruption, evil heavenly powers, and sin itself. When Jesus came, Jesus was the new and exalted human, the new Adam, through whom humanity could now realize their original destiny that was laid out for them in the Garden of Eden. Because Jesus, being a man, obeyed unto death, he has defeated the powers which held us so long under bondage; we are now promised liberation so long as we simply place our faith in his sacrifice to wash us of our sins and receive the Spirit of God that is also promised to all who exercise this faith.
We often think of ‘the gospel’ as the part that brings the forgiveness of sins (and of course, that is part of the idea), but ‘gospel’ is the announcement that everything has changed in the coming of Jesus and it leads us to a new kind of living.
The gospel Jesus preached and the gospel the apostle Paul preached were different, in that Jesus preached of a kingdom where God reigns directly and with all His faithful subjects as participants in that reign. The gospel Paul preached was about the exaltation and reign of Christ, and because Christ reigned, the consummation of the kingdom of God with earth could now finally take place (Col. 1:12-13). This consummation was put on hold during Christ's "millennial" reign, which transpired between his ascension and his return. However, the consummation has come to full fruition since that return.
We will be arguing for some of these claims by pointing out how central the kingdom of God actually was to Jesus' earthly ministry and message, and demonstrate what Jesus taught about how it actually looks like.
The term 'kingdom' appears 53 times in 42 places in Matthew, 17 times in 13 places in Mark, and 41 times in 29 places in Luke. When the 'kingdom' is qualified, Luke always refers to the 'kingdom of God' (32 times) and Mark follows this pattern (14 times). Matthew, on the other hand, prefers the term "kingdom of heaven" (31 times), using the phrase to refer to the same idea "kingdom of God" only four times: 12:28, 19:24, 21:31, 43.
The Gospel of Luke records an event where Jesus responds to the population that lived near Simon Peter's house who believed in him after he had done his miraculous work there, but saw that he was leaving them:

"And when it was day, he departed and went into a desert place: and the people sought him, and came unto him, and stayed him, that he should not depart from them. And he said unto them, I must preach the kingdom of God to other cities also: for therefore [i.e., for this pupose] am I sent." (vss. 42-43)

The Greek word euangelion is often translated as the word “gospel.” In the Bible, this word is always used whenever it concerns the announcement of the reign of a new king. And in the New Testament, the Gospels themselves use this word or the phrase "good news" to summarize all of Jesus’ teachings. They say he went about “preaching the gospel [good news] of the kingdom [of God]” (Matt. 4:23).
There’s this beautiful poem in the Old Testament, and it’s in chapter 52 of the Book of Isaiah. The city of Jerusalem had just been destroyed by Babylon, a great kingdom in the North. Many of the inhabitants of the city have been sent away into exile, but a few remained in the city, and they’re left wondering, "What happened? Has our God abandoned us?" This was because Jerusalem was supposed to be the city where God would reign over the world to bring peace and blessing to everyone.
Now, Isaiah had been saying that Jerusalem’s destruction was a mess of Israel’s own making. They had turned away from their God, become corrupt, and so their city and their temple were destroyed. Everything seemed lost. But the poem goes on. There is a watchman on the city walls, and far out on the hills we see a messenger. He’s running towards the city. He’s running and he’s shouting, “Good news!” And Isaiah says, “How beautiful are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings [news]” (vs. 7a). The feet are beautiful because they’re carrying a beautiful message. And what’s the message? That despite Jerusalem’s destruction, Israel’s God still reigns as king, and that God's presence is going to one day return with His city, take up His throne, and bring peace. And the watchmen sing for joy because of the good news that their God still reigns (vs. 10).
Jesus saw himself as the messenger bringing the news that God reigns. Jesus also claimed to be the Son of man. This was Jesus' favorite self-designation, being used some 80 times in the Gospels. Notice, not just a son of man, but the Son of Man. Jesus was directing our attention to a vision described by the prophet Daniel:

"I saw in the night visions, and, behold, one like the Son of man came with the clouds of heaven, and came to the Ancient of days, and they brought him near before him. And there was given him dominion, and glory, and a kingdom, that all people, nations, and languages, should serve him:"-Daniel 7:13-14a

At Jesus' trial, the Jewish high priest accused Jesus: "Art thou the Messiah, the Son of the Blessed [God]?" His answer left no room for doubt. "I am: and ye shall see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven." (Mark 14:61-62). Because Jesus' was rejected and killed for threatening the power the religious authorities had over the people, the consummation of God's kingdom with earth had been put on hold until all of Christ's enemies would be put under his feet after his ressurection and ascension.
But again, what is the kingdom of God? What does it look like exactly?
Well, the way that Jesus described God’s reign surprised everybody. I mean, think about it. A powerful, successful kingdom needs to be strong, able to impose its will, and able to defeat its enemies in physical combat. But Jesus said the greatest person in God’s kingdom was the weakest, the one who loves and who serves the poor (Matt. 23:11-12). He said you live under God’s reign when you respond to evil by loving your enemies, and forgiving them, and seeking peace (Matt. 5). To us, this is an upside-down kingdom. But to God, it's right-side up. This was what God had originally planned for us: a kingdom where God reigns in our hearts.

"Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God."-John 3:3

Jesus was being quite literal here. You can’t see the kingdom until you’re born again and have the life of that kingdom. When you’re born again, you start 'seeing' differently. You see what others don’t see, you hear what others don’t hear, you know what others don’t know. And yet you may be physically in the same earthly location as they.
The kingdom of God is the totality of God’s influence that covers the world and heaven. It’s everywhere, but its manifestation isn’t everywhere. It manifests on earth wherever there are those who are born again and live as if God reigns in their hearts.
Before Jesus, John the Baptist announced to all people, “The kingdom of heaven is at hand!” (Matt. 3:1-2), as he saw a soon coming kingdom of God that would be ushered in by the Messiah. Notice that John the Baptist didn’t say that something “like” the kingdom would come and he didn’t say that the real kingdom might be thousands of years away. He said over and over that THE kingdom was at hand! Do you believe him? Did God inspire him to give a clear and accurate message or a mistaken one? If we dare to believe him, things might become surprisingly clear, simple and exceedingly optimistic.

"Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven."-Matthew 6:10

Jesus taught his followers of his generation to pray that God's kingdom come and that His will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Why pray for something that will just inevitably come by force, unless it was actually through our willing participation? That is, unless God's will is carried out through us "in earth, as it is in heaven"?

"Now after that John was put in prison, Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of the kingdom of God, And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel."-Mark 1:14-15

It's very telling that these are the very first words the Gospel of Mark chooses to record Jesus as saying.
The kingdom is NOT something to wait for. Jesus says the kingdom is NOT something visible, and it is NOT something in the sky. The Kingdom Jesus taught is a spiritual reality that comes into the world through us. Considering that Jesus even said the kingdom was in and among the Pharisees in Luke 17, which seems almost offensive to consider, perhaps it is like a spiritual seed that has been planted inside each of us, and that activating faith in God makes it grow.

"Then said he, Unto what is the kingdom of God like? and whereunto shall I resemble it? It is like a grain of mustard seed, which a man took, and cast into his garden; and it grew, and waxed a great tree; and the fowls of the air lodged in the branches of it."-Luke 13:18-19

Jesus talked about the kingdom as if it would be a present reality, yet one that was growing in the world like a seed grows into a tree.

"And again he said, Whereunto shall I liken the kingdom of God? It is like leaven, which a woman took and hid in three measures of meal, till the whole was leavened."-Luke 13:20-21

To Jesus, the kingdom was something growing in us like yeast through dough, increasing in effectiveness.

"For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost."-Romans 14:17
"For the kingdom of God is not in word, but in power."-1 Corinthians 4:20

Paul says the kingdom isn’t something you taste or touch like physical food. It’s not even saying the right words. But rather the kingdom comes in the realities of righteousness, peace, joy and power that flavor our lives when we live empowered by the Spirit of God and God's Spirit in us.
Since Jesus the Messiah returned only 40 years after his earthly ministry, putting all enemies under his feet, the complete consummation of earth with the kingdom of heaven has finally taken place.
The kingdom of God has come, and it continues to come through us as believers. It makes progress like light shining into the world and dispelling the darkness.

"Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."-Matthew 5:14-16

Kadillac Kirk had been a good friend of mine for several years. I had met him through friends from The Spring Stage; and he never had anything to do with The Imp, which is why he didn’t appear in the Married Mary saga. Mary would have totally thrown herself at him, and Kirk would have definitely “thrown it in her.” He loved the ladies and often remarked that there was no such thing as an unappealing woman, nor was there anything sweeter than finding the pearl of passion in an outwardly plain dame. Fortunately for Kirk, he never met Mary. This was probably fortunate for Mary as well, seeing as Kirk was a confirmed bachelor and he would have probably broken her fat heart.
Kirk was an older guy. Not MOE old, though. He was in his early forties, but he easily passed for a carefree dude in his 30s... not that he lied about his age. I only mention this trait to juxtapose Kirk’s genuine youthful air with Moe’s unconvincing youthful farce. Kirk dressed normally, avoided stupid jargon, and never busted out gimmicks like tarot cards or spells. He just existed, behaved affably, and people liked him for it.
He drove a classic 1962 Cadillac El Dorado convertible with red leather interior, and he lived in a charmingly quaint (and ridiculously expensive) neighborhood. How he made his fortune remained a mystery, but he never bloviated about his wealth. He just threw spectacular parties and people showed up. And, to my knowledge, he never tried to lure women into bed with his money (although I’m sure he got his fair share of boom-boom thanks to his digs and his wheels, even if the gold-diggers denied their monetary agendas).
Kirk was legitimately handsome. He was a drummer, he had a full head of black hair, he was clean-shaven, he worked out, and he knew all the hidden gems in Wellsprings. So why hadn’t I tried... or even desired to date him? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel drawn to him like that. He felt like a cool uncle and he had, thus far, never done anything to change my perception. Plus, the age difference weirded me out a little. Kirk didn’t look forty; but knowing that he had so much more life experience than I did created a power imbalance that would have creeped me out if we’d been dating. As buddies, I just felt supremely cool riding in his Cadillac, smoking Fantasia cigarettes, and hitting the speakeasies and jazz clubs I would have never known about if it weren’t for Kirk’s connections.
And he had been a good person to talk to about my romantic woes. He never lecherously suggested that I should date him, and he gave the type of tempered advice that only comes with lived experience. But he often lightly mocked me for my crush on Dennis and he did a hilarious impression of Smegal popping too soon over his “precious.” So when Mary “got me back” by doing whatever she did with to Dennis, I called Kadillac Kirk and told him the drinks were on me if he’d be my designated driver for the night.
Why hadn’t I called Whisky??? Well, A) Kirk was way more fun to hang out with, at least from my past experiences up to that point. And B) I needed to bitch about a boy, something I couldn’t do in good conscience in front of a guy I was dating. So I put on the sexiest plunging halter dress I owned, applied heavy eye makeup and spikey accessories, braved a pair of stilettos, and sashayed out to Kirk’s convertible. I felt like a badass rock star. I probably looked like a try-hard hooker.
Kirk: Daaaaay-um! Somebody really did do a number on you, huh? I know you said you were upset, but the gents are gonna be writing thank you notes to that fat girl and that butt-fucking hobbit.
Me: I just need to feel pretty and numb. And I trust you to keep me from making a fool of myself.
Kirk squeezed my shoulder. “I’ve got you. You do whatever you need to do to get rid of these demons.”
He sparked up a J and offered me the first puff. I gladly accepted. He took one puff of his own, but said that the rest was mine since he didn’t want to drive stoned. See? He was responsible! Weed wasn’t legal in California yet, so I got a little bit baked before I stashed the sativa in the glove box and wrapped a scarf around my hair like a starlet from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Kirk sped out of the parking lot and said he was taking me to a downtown hotel that was hosting a party that night in their lush lobby.
Kadillac Kirk pulled up to the main entrance, paid the valet, and then opened my door. I was wobbly from the weed. And I had stupidly decided to wear heels. You can get high or you can wear high (heels). You can’t have both. Not if you’ve repeatedly injured both ankles (as I have). I had to take Kirk’s arm to keep from keeling over. “Can people tell I’m stoned?” I whispered. Kirk replied, “Nobody’s paying any attention to anyone else’s intoxication. I promise you that much.” I nodded, steadied myself, and strutted alongside my very cool friend, feeling a little more confident.
A live jazz orchestra was playing Cole Porter as we entered the lobby. Everything sparkled. The music was even more intoxicating than the spliff had been. “Just One of Those Things” brought tears to my eyes since the lyrics hit every raw nerve regarding the Dennis debacle. But I smiled. It might sound mental, but being distraught over a trash fire of a one-sided romance was exhilarating. Immature, for sure. But also exhilarating. You see, that kind of sadness doesn’t hurt. Not really. It stings. It leaves little bruises, but it’s very safe to wallow in because you haven’t actually lost anything. Melancholia over that which you never had is as sweet as it is bitter; and that type of twisted splendor is rivaled only by Stendhal.
“Here's hoping we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.” I sang along with the band, and a fat tear rolled down past my melancholic smile and onto my chin. Kirk brushed it aside. “Too close to home?” I wiped away the remnants of the tear’s journey from eye to chin and smiled a more genuine smile. “The perfect distance from home. Shall we get drinks? Remember, I’m buying.”
Kirk: No, no. This is your time to heal. And I’m here as your pal, not your chauffeur. What would the lady like?”
I pretended to barf. Kirk knew I hated it when he got overly formal and overly attentive. So he did it just to mess with me. “Shot of vodka,” I replied.
Kirk: How many?
I thought briefly. “FIVE.”
Kirk: Five to one, baby. One in five...
Me: No one here gets out alive.
Kirk: Are you able to hold yourself upright, or should you come with?
I took a seat on an ornate, damask-upholstered chaise lounge. “I’ll be okay. And I was kidding about the five shots.”
I sat there lost in the music for a while. I thought very little about Dennis. Even less about Mary. And not at all about Whisky (whom I had shagged less than a week ago). My mind danced through the ornate lighting in the hotel lobby, and I suddenly felt the need to join the hoity-toity guests on the dancefloor!
Kirk returned with four shots of vodka. Two for him, two for me. That was quite reasonable of him. He knew damn well that I couldn’t handle five shots, but he also knew that I was in a... state. One that called for more than a single shot. I raised a both miniature glasses to “No more ninnyhammers or hairy-footed lovers.” Kirk did his hilarious Smegal impression, we double-toasted, and downed the shots. The band launched into “Let’s Misbehave,” and I kicked off my stilettos and made a beeline for the dance floor.
“There’s something wild about you child that’s so contagious. Let’s be outrageous! Let’s misbehave.” Kadillac Kirk swept me up, twirled me around, and dipped me as we both sang along with the lyrics. I wasn’t swooning for him, but I was enthralled by the moment. The music, the dancing, the combination of booze and bud... so I kissed him as he pulled me back to my feet. And he kissed back. In a way that Dennis never had. In a way that Whisky’s beard wouldn’t permit. I didn’t feel the visceral sensations that I’d felt when Dennis had kissed me, but it felt nice to feel desired. And then I noticed that other guests were watching us and applauding. Now, that was a dopamine rush if ever there was one!
I gently broke away from the embrace, high-fived Kirk and returned to the chaise lounge to put my stupid shoes back on. He followed me and smashed his face back onto mine. I pulled away and laughed. “It was a moment,” I told him. “I appreciate the dance, and that kiss was the perfect finale. But it’s not happening again.”
Kirk: Not to worry, Valerie. I know you. I knew all along that we were performing, and I was more than happy to be your scene partner.
Me: And dance partner! Those were some excellent moves! I didn’t know you had ballroom training.
Kirk: You name it, I’ve mastered it. Another drink for the lady?
I pretended to barf again. “Not yet. I’m not sad right now. Do you mind if I just sit here and enjoy the music?”
Kirk: Ah. My kisses do have healing properties...
I flipped my hand up at him. “Knock that shit off, bro. I wanted to hang out with you because I trust you not to get weird. Even if I get weird, I know you have the maturity to balance me out.”
Kirk: Are you calling me old???
Me: No. I’m calling you rational, responsible, and respectful.
Kirk: Well, now. If you can articulate an alliterative statement that fluently, then you clearly aren’t drunk enough!
I dismissed this comment as a joke. And he did indeed knock off the flirtation. We had a perfectly pleasant time chatting and dancing (no more kissing, though). And then I noticed a girl I knew from Into the Woods entering the lobby. She’d played Florinda and I’d played Little Red. I called her name and waved enthusiastically. She waved back. And then her date entered. It was D.E.N.N.I.S. I sank into the chaise. Kirk caught on immediately. “The hobbit???” he asked. I nodded silently. “You wanna make out again?” he enthused. I shook my head. I had to go say hello to Flo. And I had an idea...
I crossed the lobby, smiled, squealed, and hugged her.
Florinda: Lil’ Red! It’s been forever! So glad to see you!!! This is my friend, Denny.
Dennis was shifting uncomfortably. I extended my hand. “Nice to meet you. I know your date from Into the Woods. I bet she could tell you some entertaining stories about that show...” Flo laughed out loud, well aware of the many misadventures to which I'd referred. Of course, she might have been laughing because Dennis never, ever listened to anyone else's stories. He was too busy telling, re-telling, slightly altering, and exaggerating his own.
Dennis: C’mon, Val...
Me: Oh, you’ve heard of me? Small world! You guys picked a great night to come here. They’re playing Cole Porter, and the band is delovely!
Florinda (appearing oblivious to the iciness between me and Dennis): Have you seen Prince Big Bad (Scumbanger) lately?
I laughed. “Last time I saw him, he was hitting on some nasty fat chick at The Imp.”
Flo and I both scoffed at the pervy pest. Into the Woods was where I’d initially met Scumbanger. He played The Wolf/Cinderella’s Prince. Again... typecasting. There’s a whole essay in my brain about my first encounter with the pest, during which he quoted the song that he sang to me in the show, “Hello, Little Girl.” But it gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory because he made me feel excited. Well, excited and scared. Nothing of note happened during Into the Woods, but our odd interactions did kind of set the stage for some extremely regrettable events during that Cats cast party.
I excused myself, saying that I needed to get back to my friend. And then I leaned in and said in a hushed voice to Flo, “Watch your ass with that one. If he’s the Denny I’m thinking of...” I gave her a look that only another female would be able to read. Her eyebrows shot up and she nodded. Dennis continued to shift as though he were trying to hold in a massive dump. “BABE! Uh...”
Flo apparently answered to that moniker as well. “What is it, Denny? Don’t worry. That was just telepathic girl talk. You apparently have a reputation...”
Dennis: Different Denny. I assure you I’m a pious gentleman.
Me: Ah. My mistake. Well, then. You guys have a good time! Nice to meet you, Denny. Great to see you, Flo!
I hugged Flo again, gave Dennis a curt nod, ignored the scent of mandarins and mountain air, and returned to Kirk.
I collapsed on the chaise lounge, exhausted from holding back the rage. I had no right to be mad at Florinda. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so how was she supposed to know that I’d had a thing with Dennis? Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Dennis because the last time he and I had spoken in any meaningful way, I’d told him that I was no longer entertaining my crush on him. So why was I surprised to see him dating??? And why had he never taken ME out on a date like this??? And why wasn’t I smitten with Kadillac Kirk who HAD taken me out on a date like this, was an objectively excellent kisser, and a bona fide BALLER? What was wrong with me???
Kirk suggested going down the street to a quaint little bar and then sobering up at a diner closer to my apartment. I numbly nodded and followed him in silence for a few blocks. He assured me that I had “turned several heads” on the way to the new location, but I neither cared nor believed him. This wasn't the type of numbness I'd been aiming for. Now I needed to get schnockered. “Five shots of vodka, please.” Yes, I was serious.
Kadillac Kirk, my reliable designated driver, ordered only a beer and watched in something across between astonishment, concern, and delight as I slammed all five shots in rapid succession. I half expected to immediately retch all over the bar. But I felt fine. I half expected to immediately lose consciousness and wake up in the hospital. But I remained coherent. How I’d managed to take in that much hard liquor and suffer no direct consequences, I’ll never know.
I think I wanted to suffer. I wanted to either feel nothing at all or to feel a sickness bad enough to distract me from the scorching sting that pulsed through my being when I realized that I had lost the abstract notion I’d been addicted to this entire time. Hope. It wasn’t Dennis himself I couldn’t quit. It was that drug called hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe Dennis would give our romance a fair chance. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would make peace with himself, get his mind out of his crotch, and enjoy some agenda-free togetherness. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would stop bloviating about his admittedly impressive accomplishments for five fucking minutes and ask about my life. I had my own reasonably impressive accomplishments, even if they paled in comparison to his. A proper suitor would have enjoyed hearing about them.
But seeing him out with another woman, a woman who had no reason to parade her Dennis escapades before me as some means of revenge, a woman he was clearly courting of his own volition... My hope had died. It died before I’d had time to wean myself off it. Now I had to mourn the loss of hope, which is a very tricky brand of grief to navigate. Vodka wasn’t the answer, but it was what I had to work with. So it would have to do.
After enough time had passed without vomiting or collapsing, I asked Kirk to bring his car around to the bar so that I didn’t have to walk two and a half blocks drunk and in heels. He nodded and dramatically leaned in for a kiss. I recoiled. “DUDE! I told you. The moment has passed.”
Kirk: I beg your pardon. I misread your eyes. Thought I saw a green light...
Me: It’s fine. I just want to go home while I’m still feeling okay.
Kirk: Of course. Your chariot will be here soon.
He skipped off to fetch his Cadillac and I noticed that the lights in the bar were beginning to dance a bit. This should have been concerning. But then I realized that I was giggling. Wait... What? Oh shit. Sure, I was drunk from those shots. But what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t drunkery. It was stonery. Kirk probably misread my face because my pupils were dilated. Not from desire, but from drug use.
Some of you might be thinking that I was a bad friend for not introducing Lucy, an old dude connoisseur, to Kirk. Well... I did. Several years before the events of this story. He adored her. She, on the other hand, thought he was immature. And she wasn’t wrong. Lucy was astute when it came to sussing out a person’s true nature. Far more astute than I. Her initial assessment that Kirk was immature is about to be vindicated. Stretch those cringe muscles! It’s almost time for pie...
I somehow managed to get to his car. I honestly don’t recall how I got there. Did one of the bartenders carry me? Did some kind patron allow me to lean on him? Had Kadillac Kirk carried me out? I’m not sure. But my memory ceases to be fuzzy about halfway to the 24-hour diner. It might have been the very same 24-hour diner where Mary pulled her... shenanigans. I’ll never know.
Kirk: Would you say that you’re more drunk or more stoned?
Me: STONED. Definitely stoned.
Kirk made some sort of grunty noise and reached for my thigh. I slapped his hand.
Kirk: Stoned but not amorous? That’s rare.
I started laughing rather unkindly. “You’re a fucking horndog! I thought you were my safe straight male friend, dammit.”
Kirk: I solemnly swear that your safety is my primary concern, my stoned beauty.
I pretended to throw up.
Kirk: So... You’re not horny. But are you hungry? The diner I’m heading to makes this Maple Walnut Pie with the most sumptuous... sensual cream and exquisite drizzling of...
Me: Ew! Stop trying to bang the pie. Bro. Are YOU stoned? (Then I remembered the question.) Yes, I’m hungry. But I don’t like nuts. I’ll have banana cream.
Kirk made that repulsive grunty noise again. “Uhhhhh... Mmmmmm. Cream. Yessssss. Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute.” He was squirming in the driver's seat.
Me: GROSS, DUDE! If you’re gonna be like that I’ll just order HASH brows. Get it? Hash??? (I giggled uncontrollably.). You can’t make that sound nasty.
Kirk: Forgive my jokes. I think my blood sugar’s a bit low.
As Kirk parked, I began to wonder how I might get away with walking shoeless into the diner. The stilettos had to get off my feet. At least while I was walking. And Kirk was kind enough to give me his socks and wear his loafers “island style” into the establishment. Okay, that was gallant of him. Maybe he was going to behave himself for the rest of the evening.
I wasn’t terribly talkative as we sat down, and he expressed concern for my emotional well-being. I wasn’t coherent enough to explain what was happening to my emotions and I wasn’t sure I trusted him with my deep, dark secrets at that point. So I shrugged like a sulky teenager, ran my hands over my messy, windblown hair, and mumbled that I was “just hungry.” And right on cue, a very kind, slightly older waitress with a sweet southern accent stopped by to take our order.
Kirk: Ah, yes. We’ll have two cups of black coffee. And we’ll share a slice of that delectable Maple Walnut Pie.
Waitress: Oh, honey. That pie is scrumptious! I take it you’ve been here before?
Kirk: I have. This will be her first time to taste the splendor.
I hated to be a killjoy, but I interrupted and said to the waitress, “Ma’am? I’m sure the Maple Walnut is excellent, but could I please get a slice of Banana Cream? And a big glass of ice water?
Waitress: Sure, hon! Banana Cream’s just as yummy! I’ll be right back with those coffees and that big water.
Kirk was sucking on the tip of his forefinger and shaking his head a bit. “You’re passing up so many sensational... sensual...”
I put my forehead on the table and growled. “You swore you’d stop being nasty!” I held this #headdesk pose for quite some time before I finally lifted my head... only to see that Kirk was still sucking his fingertip and staring at me like a wild animal. “Pleeeeeease be normal,” I whined. “It’s been a really weird night for me.”
Kirk: Indeed. Many surprises. You know... You’re like titanium. Your flame burns so fast and so bright, if a guy doesn’t get in there while the iron is hot, he’ll never get another chance. I was too slow.
What the...? I was pretty sure he was wrong about titanium burning quickly. I’m no chemistry wiz, but my dad and my oldest brother are both big-brains when it comes to physics and chemistry. So I picked up some things just listening to them talk. Accurate or inaccurate, Kirk was being creepy again. He’d never been creepy towards me before, although I’d seen him act like this with other women. Usually with staggering success. Why????? His money. It had to be his money. Kirk was a nice-looking man, but holy shit... No amount of good looks could save this creep show.
And then, our sweet waitress sat down our coffees, my water, and the two slices of pie. After I gulped down a whole bunch of water, I grabbed a fork, prepared to quell my munchies... and then I froze. Kirk was quickly flicking his finger back and forth across the top of his pie. And moaning. He noticed my wide-eyed stare, smirked, sucked the tip of his thumb, picked up the plate with both hands, and began flicking his tongue across the tip of the triangular pie slice. And moaning some more. Well, there went my appetite.
Kirk took his middle finger and jabbed it into the crustless vertex of the pie slice, then he began pumping it in and out like a piston, and flicking his thumb across the increasingly demolished top layer of whipped cream. He gasped this time. People were starting to stare. His pointer finger joined his middle finger in the piston action, and he replaced his thumb with his tongue. Between flicks of the tongue, he groaned, “Oh yeah, baby... Let me taste you,” but it was kind of hard to understand him.
And I was either about to run to the back office, tell them that I was in danger and needed a police escort home... OR I was about to burst out laughing at the spectacle. Kirk continued... He removed his fingers and gregariously licked pie filling off of them. And then he started sucking his fingertips again, switching from middle to pointer, middle to pointer and emitting a delighted little, “Mmmmmm” with every suck.
Finally, he jabbed his fingers back into the utterly destroyed pie, lowered his face into the mess and lapped loudly and passionately, moaning, grunting, and mumbling “Come on, baby. Come on. Mmmmmm. Come on.” I could see the waitress and some dude in a suit heading over to the table, so I sank down in my seat, partially covered my face, but continued to watch the train wreck. At last, Kirk shuddered violently, he splatted his entire hand onto the plate and rubbed furiously. And then he locked eyes with me. He sucked the tip of his thumb one final time and said, “You...” There was a long pause during which Kirk lovingly stroked the mess he’d made. “You... are the pie.”
I don’t hang out with Kadillac Kirk anymore. But he’s still a bachelor, ladies!

After Luds comment on his last stream I did a quick Reddit search and found this post from 9yrs ago in sex by U/LudwigAhgren
Note: It was a funny read and definitely in his charming grammar style.
Note 2: Some of things do not work anymore but, a few still do.
“The Ultimate Guide to Shaving Your Pubes for Beginners (Men)
If you have a bush like Brillo^© , or just want to trim up the forrest so others can pass safely, you're in the right place.
I split groin hair into 5 different groups. Below I have listed the difficulty of each area as well as what kind of shave each area shall receive.
This is what we want the end product to look like. (His pubes look like the mustache of almighty Zeus himself!)

Pubic Hair	Ball Hair	Taint/Gooch Hair	High Thigh Hair	Shaft Hair
Easiest to shave. Needs to be trimmed down (No new-born baby penis look)	Scariest/Most Difficult to shave. This will be a clean shave.	Moderate difficulty. Up to shaver, but I prefer a clean shave.	Easy to shave. This will be a clean shave.	Nicks can happen here easily. This will be a clean shave.

Tools Needed: Shaving cream (MUST - Practice before which shaving cream works best! Sometimes Conditioner can work better),
electric razor (The side that pops out I will refer to as buzzer and the side with the guard I will refer to as electric razor from here on out)
A Women’s! shaving razor (women’s razors have a much higher guard and will protect better than one for men.
 
*PLEASE BE PREPARED!* I mean it’s your balls we’re talking about here…
 
Step 1: The first step will be to shave the pubic hair. Depending on how much hair is down there, you have the option to go at it with scissors like a harbor before throwing the buzzer down there. If you have an average amount (2”>x) then go at it with the buzzer. Hover your family jewels over the toilet, you may even choose to sit like a cool substitute teacher. Brush the square side of the buzzer backwards across your pubes vertically. It may seem as if it isn’t doing anything but trust me you’re losing hair faster than LeBraun James. Continue this until you deem it short enough, I like my pubes around 1/2”.
Note Make sure the pubes length is even throughout, focusing on areas that with longer hair to insure optimum symmetry, bitches love symmetry. Use a mirror!
 
Step 2: Now you’ll want to ‘square’ out your hair and completely shave off any outliers around your pubes. Perhaps you have a leaky happy trail? Or maybe your pubes are ‘fading’ in. Either way you’ll want this instead of this (not penis don’t fret) Use a mirror to make sure it’s not lopsided.
 
Step 3: Here we are going to tackle that upper thigh hair that encompasses the whole male crotch area. Now get all nakey if you aren’t already and hop in that shower. Make sure the water is warm because you’re going to be in there for a while. Whip out you’re shaving cream of choice, I use this because it makes the blade glide across my nuts (phrase of the day!). To be fair I am more metrosexual than most gay men. Anyway(!) lather that shaving cream on to you’re upper thigh, above the pubes and right around the taint (make sure the water isn’t washing it all away) and start shaving those areas. The shaving razor will insure that these areas are hair-free.
Note Make sure the blade follows the surface of the skin. You want max blade to skin contact.
 
Step 4: Here’s my favorite part. Shaving the shaft. Why is it my favorite? It adds an inch to your perceived dick length (now your dick will look like it’s an inch long^rekt. Extend your dick by pulling out your head. It will give a similar surface on the base of the dick to an erect penis. Now with the shaving cream and razor, shave the front part of the base, while always making sure the base is flat. Then do each side, trying your best to make the area being shaved flat. A flat area not only allows the razor to get more hair, it also prevents little nicks that can occur. I’ll refer back to Davidfor how far down the base you should shave.
Note If you look at the pic of David, you’ll notice he shaved the area to the right and left of his penis. That is totally you’re call, I have no opinion I find both to by stylish in their own penis way.
 
Step 5: The balls. AKA Holyshitiamsoscarediamgoingtochopmynutsoff. You may be tempted to skip this part, but trust me, hairy balls do not look good when the rest has been shaved. If you start this, you must to finish it. You are the chosen one. You are supposed to bring balance to your pubes, not leave them in darkness! Do it for the (potential) children.
Back to the balls. We’re going to first start with the outside balls. To do this get in your best captain stance which creates a nice U shape between your thigh and outer left/right ball. This is the kind of U Brett Farve has been talking about. Now, using that handy shaving cream and razor, this should be quite easy. Gently go up that are and always going along the grain. Don’t switch up directions here, that’s too ballsy.
After that’s done we’re going to drift away from the pubes for just a bit. Throw some shaving cream on the taint (this is the area that prevents you from shitting on your balls) and you’ll want to shave from your asshole to the base of your balls. Always going in that direction. IMPORTANT If you touch your taint (ew you’re gross) you’ll notice there is a line. Kind of feels like hair running from your asshole to your balls. It’s actually a vein that controls your orgasms. DO NOT SHAVE ON THIS VEIN Shave to the left and right of it. Don’t go directly on it. I don’t think anything will happen if you do… but better safe than orgasmless.
 
Step 6: Back to the balls and the last part of the shaving in the shower. This part is difficult and to be honest I’m not sure of the best way to approach this. Balls are weird and that they have no fucking shape and 2 million wrinkles. I like to first take my electric razor and use the buzzer part of it. Then I just air swipe my balls getting all the hair about 1/4” short. Then I take the shaving cream and focus on specific parts squeezing my balls to get maximum surface area. This seems to work out for me, but keeping it 1/4 of an inch isn’t that big of a deal. Hair that short is difficult to notice and ladies/men will still suck your nuts.
Note Loosen up before shaving your balls. Take deep breaths and relax. Make sure your asshole isn’t clenched because that raises your balls. And if you’re down there shaving with a clenched asshole, and for any reason your asshole unclenches, you’re balls will drop (again) and hell will break loose. It is better to shave them while they are low and have them clench upwards.
 
Step 7: Clean up all the pubes off of your body. This is no simple task. Water is an adhesive so you’ll have to detach the shower head and put that all up in your business. I like to turn on the bath and use that heavy rush of water to cleanse my body of those clingy cutoff pubes. Hop out the shower, dry off and look at your masterpiece Michelangelo. But you are not done yet!
 
Step 8: Similar to barbers, you will have missed a few hair and you’ll probably have a few 2 inch hairs amongst you’re gently coiffed pubes. Grab a pair of nail scissors or whatever tool you prefer and chop those suckers off. The majority will be on your balls. A fun thing I like to do that is totally fucking weird, is pulling long pubes on my balls and plucking them off. It is surprisingly easy to do so because of the loose ball skin. Don’t yank it out like a band-aid though or you’ll need a band-aid (Ha Ha.. I’m not funny)
 
Voila, you’re done. Get some aftershave on those freshly shaven balls to disinfect your nicks and make those meaty knockers smell like a man. Congratulations and I hope I was of some help!
 
Edit 1: Let't talk about asshole hair, (what a great conversation start^{furiouslyjotsdown)} that area can be shaved and it can look/feel good! But personally, I like to keep my Brown Eye of Sauron to myself. No traveller has dared venture down so I feel no need to shave.
Edit 2: One of my ball shaving colleagues has alerted me that the 'taint vein' is actually, "[A] scar, from where the skin fuses before birth and is called the perineal raphe." (Google it for some nice visuals)
 
Thank you all for the great response! Being on the front page of sex is something all my future employers will be impressed by. I recently shaved and I seriously mistook my junk for King David's jewels (obviously he is miles bigger) and I thought I'd right down exactly what I did.”

Welcome to the book club New Voices! In this book club we want to highlight books by debut authors and open the stage for under-represented and under-appreciated writers from all walks of life. New voices refers to the authors as well as the protagonists, and the goal is to include viewpoints away from the standard and most common. For more information and a short description of how we plan to run this club and how you can participate, please have a look at the announcement post.
It's time for second chances! I've selected a few books from previous polls, that didn't quite make it and deserve a second chance:

Under Fortunate Stars by Ren Hutchings

Fleeing the final days of the generations-long war with the alien Felen, smuggler Jereth Keeven's freighter the Jonah breaks down in a strange rift in deep space, with little chance of rescue—until they encounter the research vessel Gallion, which claims to be from 152 years in the future. The Gallion's chief engineer Uma Ozakka has always been fascinated with the past, especially the tale of the Fortunate Five, who ended the war with the Felen. When the Gallion rescues a run-down junk freighter, Ozakka is shocked to recognize the Five's legendary ship—and the Five's famed leader, Eldric Leesongronski, among the crew. But nothing else about Leesongronski and his crewmates seems to match up with the historical record. With their ships running out of power in the rift, more than the lives of both crews may be at stake.

Bingo squares: book club

The Magic Fish by Trung Le Nguyen

The book tells an intergenerational story of a mother and son struggling to relate to each other—the mother an immigrant to the United States who wants to make a home for her family in an unfamiliar country; the son trying to figure out the best way to come out to his parents. Through telling each other fairy tales, they're able to find common ground.

Bingo squares: bookclub

Bacchanal by Veronica Henry

Evil lives in a traveling carnival roaming the Depression-era South. But the carnival’s newest act, a peculiar young woman with latent magical powers, may hold the key to defeating it. Her time has come. Abandoned by her family, alone on the wrong side of the color line with little to call her own, Eliza Meeks is coming to terms with what she does have. It’s a gift for communicating with animals. To some, she’s a magical tender. To others, a she-devil. To a talent prospector, she’s a crowd-drawing oddity. And the Bacchanal Carnival is Eliza’s ticket out of the swamp trap of Baton Rouge. Among fortune-tellers, carnies, barkers, and folks even stranger than herself, Eliza finds a new home. But the Bacchanal is no ordinary carnival. An ancient demon has a home there too. She hides behind an iridescent disguise. She feeds on innocent souls. And she’s met her match in Eliza, who’s only beginning to understand the purpose of her own burgeoning powers. Only then can Eliza save her friends, find her family, and fight the sway of a primordial demon preying upon the human world. Rolling across a consuming dust bowl landscape, Eliza may have found her destiny.

Bingo squares: bookclub

The Hacienda by Isabel Cañas

Mexican Gothic meets Rebecca in this debut supernatural suspense novel, set in the aftermath of the Mexican War of Independence, about a remote house, a sinister haunting, and the woman pulled into their clutches...
In the overthrow of the Mexican government, Beatriz’s father is executed and her home destroyed. When handsome Don Rodolfo Solórzano proposes, Beatriz ignores the rumors surrounding his first wife’s sudden demise, choosing instead to seize the security his estate in the countryside provides. She will have her own home again, no matter the cost.
But Hacienda San Isidro is not the sanctuary she imagined.
When Rodolfo returns to work in the capital, visions and voices invade Beatriz’s sleep. The weight of invisible eyes follows her every move. Rodolfo’s sister, Juana, scoffs at Beatriz’s fears—but why does she refuse to enter the house at night? Why does the cook burn copal incense at the edge of the kitchen and mark its doorway with strange symbols? What really happened to the first Doña Solórzano?
Beatriz only knows two things for certain: Something is wrong with the hacienda. And no one there will help her.
Desperate for help, she clings to the young priest, Padre Andrés, as an ally. No ordinary priest, Andrés will have to rely on his skills as a witch to fight off the malevolent presence haunting the hacienda and protect the woman for whom he feels a powerful, forbidden attraction. But even he might not be enough to battle the darkness.
Far from a refuge, San Isidro may be Beatriz’s doom.

Bingo squares: bookclub

The Heretic‘s Guide to Homecoming by Sienna Tristen

WINNER OF THE 2019 READERVIEWS AWARD FOR FANTASY! WINNER OF THE 2019 IPPY AWARD FOR FANTASY!
“Life is transformation. You change or you die.”
Ashamed of his past and overwhelmed by his future, Ronoah Genoveffa Elizzi-denna Pilanovani feels too small for his own name. After a graceless exit from his homeland in the Acharrioni desert, his anxiety has sabotaged every attempt at redemption. Asides from a fiery devotion to his godling, the one piece of home he brought with him, he has nothing.
That is, until he meets Reilin. Beguiling, bewildering Reilin, who whisks Ronoah up into a cross-continental pilgrimage to the most sacred place on the planet. The people they encounter on the way—children of the sea, a priestess and her band of storytellers, the lonely ghosts of monsters—are grim and whimsical in equal measure. Each has their part to play in rewriting Ronoah’s personal narrative.
One part fantasy travelogue, one part emotional underworld journey, The Heretic’s Guide to Homecoming is a sumptuous, slow-burning story about stories and the way they shape our lives.

Bingo squares: bookclub
Do you like the selection? Have you already read one of the books and want to recommend it to others? Do you know any additional Bingo squares for any of the books? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

Click here to vote

Voting will run until May 27 and the winner will be announced on May 28

Wade held Jasmine in his arms as he flew a low height down the long road to another section of the staryard, Tina on his back and Nathan and F right behind them in the air. Together, the five glided across the base grounds, taking care as to not irritate the aerial security during their search for the meeting room. Being outside for the flight, the group considered it a blessing that Wade's 'enhanced cooling unit' allowed his body to tolerate the breaching sun in the still cloudy sky, which, according to F, was dangerous to drones like her due to the inefficient cooling she and disassembly drones like her suffered from. Given F's physical fault, she had to fly under shady areas in order to safely traverse the base at day.
Originally, Wade and his friends had planned to walk to the meeting zone, but after running into a trooper experiencing a health mishap, the group did what they could to help the distressed officer. By the time he was brought to the medical ward by other soldiers, Wade found that him and his team would be at least a few minutes late if they kept on their way with their walk.
Deciding to speed things up, Wade, understanding the concern for performing such an effort, opted to carry the Fowleys around the base to the meeting area. Reluctantly, F decided to come along, carrying Nathan in a similar manner that Wade was carrying Jasmine. Taking notice of the time on his HUD, which read, "9:47 AM", Wade scouted for the building he and his friends were directed to. "8072" He said to himself, the number being for the building that would house the imminent meeting.
"They said it was down here, right?" Wade asked aloud to Tina before stopping himself in mid-air, the girl holding onto him tightly as he tried to speak over the growing sound of a retrofit Apache flying overhead.
Looking about, Tina nodded as she spotted the target building. "Yes, I believe that's the one over there!" Pointing past his head, Wade followed her finger to a large building ahead at his right. The structure was moderately tall, only about two stories high, with several soldiers and officers going in and out of the building. Wade smiled as he noticed the target number, as well as the big, bold words describing the building's designation. "8072, Briefing Center B"
"Good eye, honey. Hang on!" Continuing his low glide, Wade zoomed towards the building's entrance before stopping just meters above the ground, his two friends close behind as they slowed down as well. The troopers around them initially looked startled by the sudden arrival of Wade and his group, but quickly regained their composure as Wade hovered still above them.
"At ease! Just visitors." One of the soldiers declared as they identified the newcomers, who touched down before Wade let Jasmine down to her feet, Tina hopping onto the ground along with her.
Putting his hands up, Wade apologized for his swift surprise. "Sorry for the scare, we got delayed for a meeting we're invited to."
The soldier gave an understanding nod as he replied to the former worker drone sternly. "I can see that, just be a bit more careful next time, Mr. Carter. You gave the boys here quite a scare."
Wade returned the gesture in embarrassment as F put a hand to his back, chuckling at his efforts as Tina questioned the officer. "Is Mrs. J in there? She's the one who called for us."
The guard gave his reply as Wade and Tina pulled out their IDs for clearance. "Yes she is, Miss. The meeting's set to begin in under ten minutes." Checking the two drones' IDs, Jasmine and the others pulled out theirs as well, the watchman motioning another trooper over to verify the group. Once the guard finished checking the five's cards, he nodded in approval as the watchman spoke once more. "You're clear to enter."
"Thank you Sir, again, sorry about that spook back there." Wade replied with a smile as the trooper gave one of his own, the disassembly drone and his allies making their way towards the office door before stopping upon the call of a voice.
"Hey, Felice!" Wade turned to find the origin of the voice, F doing the same as the two quickly spotted a quartet of soldiers walking excitedly towards F. The disassembly drone glanced to her friends with a smile before turning back to the approaching entourage.
Wade examined the four troops as they got closer: Two human men, one woman, and a male worker drone. One of the male soldiers had short, blonde hair, and a small scar to the right side of their face. The second man bore a tan skin tone and had black hair, with blue strips that went down slightly in a mullet style. The woman bore a set of long, dark green hair, with the hair going down and over her left shoulder. As for the worker drone, he wore the standard green soldier helmet, single eye visor and all. He had no hair on him from what Wade could tell, and bore a pair of whiteish purple eyes on his visor.
As F walked over to the soldiers, the same one that called to her spoke again. "Felicity, I didn't expect to see you around here today! Where you been?"
The girl soldier interrupted his initial chatter. "Hang on Carlos, do you even know if she remembers us?"
"Aye, don't she have one o' them memory locks, or sumthin?" The drone added in a heavy Scottish accent.
F waved her hand as she replied to the group. "Easy, everyone. Thankfully I still got my memories, courtesy of my technician back at Central." Lowering her hand, F let down her usual persona as she gave a wide smirk to the soldiers, clearly pleased to see them. "Good to see you guys around here."
The soldiers gave light cheers to F as they all embraced her, the group having a surprise reunion as Wade and the others watched in surprise. These must've been F's old colleagues from when she was in the service, Wade thought. Quite the coincidence for them to be here at this base of all places.
Not bothering with the convenience of the matter, Wade shook the thought off as he and his friends watched F and her old friends breaking the hug, Tina wrapping an arm around her boyfriend as the second male human spoke to her in what the two discerned as Spanish. "Ay, who your new friends, F?"
"Oh, these guys?" F replied in the same language, quietly startling Wade and the others as they had never heard her speak like that until now. Glancing over to Wade, F motioned him and the others to come over. "Everyone, these are some friends I made in the past few days. Wade, Nathan, Tina, and Jasmine." She pointed her hand to the four as she said each of their names. "I met the boys here during my time on Ceres. Jasmine and Tina here are sisters."
The four soldiers gave various forms of excitement, ranging from hearty laughs to low woops and even a whistle from one of the guys. As F stood next to her old teammates, they each introduced themselves to Wade and his friends. The blonde soldier went first. "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you all, name's Carlos, Lieutenant Marksman."
"I'm Private Alvaros, good with close-range and stealth operations." Said the tan soldier with a salute.
"Sergeant Lucia Vasquez, usually the one who leads this bunch around these days." The female warrior stated with a humorous smirk.
"And Corporal Duncan Wallace, at your service!" The soldier drone stated proudly as he saluted to the bunch in front of him, who gave warm smiles as Wade shook his hand.
"Quite honored to meet you all, seems you have quite the history with F." The former worker drone said as Carlos patted F on her back.
"Oh, we do! She's the one who took charge when we didn't! Did you all hear of the Pasting of Nola VI?" Jasmine and Tina gave nods of affirmation while Wade, not as familiar with such history, held his hand up in a questioning manner.
"I think, wasn't that the battle where the Navy just barely held the outpost in that system? From the Stryker Clan?" Wade asked as Carlos nodded approvingly to him.
"That's right, and if Felice weren't there, WE would've been the ones getting pasted!" Carlos' statement brought victorious cheers and "oorahs" from the group, F letting a blush loose as she chuckled at her team's praise of her efforts.
"Well, that's not wrong." Although she didn't want to break off from her friends and discuss the past few years since they'd last met, F remembered the briefing. Clearing her throat, she continued. "And as much as I'd like to chat about the good times, I've been called to a meeting here, as have Wade and his crew."
The soldier group gave understanding looks to F as Lucia spoke up. "Thought so, Carl here was real eager to see you, though."
"Maybe we can talk after the meeting?" Nathan proposed as the soldiers collectively nodded in agreement, F readying a smartcomm attachment before turning to face her friends again.
"We're probably getting low on time, you all go in, I'll catch up in a sec." Wade nodded in acknowledgement before taking Tina's hand, the lover drones continuing towards the briefing center as Jasmine and Nathan followed behind them.
Passing through the door, the four guests observed a short hallway, which seemed to split into two paths as they came closer to the other end. Looking to a sign on the wall above, they saw arrows pointing to two separate areas, "Primary Briefing Room; Main Lobby + Secondary & Tertiary" Going to the right, they entered the moderately active lobby, several officers walking and standing about in mass chatter. Walking over to the desk up against the wall to their left, Wade and his group waved a hand to the occupying attendant.
"Welcome, what do you need?" The desk attendant asked as Tina raised a finger to reply.
"We're here for a meeting, Mrs. J called us here."
The attendant nodded in understanding before directing an arm towards the other end of the room, where a single door stood. "She should be in the second briefing room down that way."
"Thank you." Tina replied warmly before she and Wade began walking towards the door, their friends behind them as they proceeded into the room.
The room beyond the door was quite sizable, a large circular table occupying the middle with several chairs surrounding it. The walls went up a few meters, with four whiteish blue lights illuminating the room. On the wall opposite to Wade and Tina were three monitor screens, all of which showed the USN in bright blue. In several of the seats were faces both familiar and unfamiliar, several men and women in varying styles of uniforms conversing about quietly or taking notice of the recent visitors. Standing up near the monitors were three people: A decorated officer whom Tina identified as a ship captain, and the so-called operatives, Tessa, albeit as a hologram, and J.
Walking slowly into the room, Wade gave a low wave of his hand as he tried to hide his nervousness. Noticing his shyness in front of the officers, Tina held his hand and rubbed his arm comfortingly while returning a pleasant smile to the staff in the room.
"Ah, Wade, Tina. Glad to see you all here." J stated with a smile as she scanned the group, raising a digital eyebrow as she noticed one missing guest. "Or, most of you, I see. Did F run off somewhere?"
Wade shook his head as he replied to his fellow disassembly drone. "Oh, no. She just ran into some old friends, she should be back-"
"Right now." F finished aloud as she entered the room, seemingly having heard Wade speaking about her absence. The warrior drone fast walked to Wade's team, taking a seat near them as they prepared to do the same. "Not too late, are we?"
"Not at all." The standing officer answered as the group took their seats, Wade and Tina sitting next to each other as they got comfortable. The captain examined the lot for a moment, glancing to J as he asked about them. "So, these are the ones you helped rescue from the Mojave?"
"Yes Captain, and they helped us out greatly in turn. This is Wade Carter, one of the captured drones whom became a disassembly drone before we could mount the rescue. The luckiest one, if you ask me." Motioning her arm over the others, she continued. "And there's his girlfriend, Mrs. Tina Fowley, and her sister Jasmine." Smirking to F and Nathan, she finished her friends' introductions. "And these two are Serial Designation F and Mr. Nathan, whom I've heard were once under your ranks."
The military captain gave a welcoming smile to the five as they returned the gesture, eyeing F and Nathan specifically before speaking to them. "Indeed they were, we still have records on their contributions to the colonies." Eyeing F, he continued. "Though, in Mrs. F's case, I won't blame her if she doesn't remember us. We've been very well aware of JCJenson's 'memory suppression' protocols when it comes to their DDs."
F laid back in her seat with a smug look as she replied to her former superior. "Well, my friend on the station's a good tech gal. She's... waived that hindrance from me."
"I see, that means your still with us, am I right, Mrs. Lee?" Unlike her friends next to her, F was not startled by her original name being said aloud, rather smiling proudly as she saluted to the captain. "Good to see you again."
"Pleased to be here, Sir." F replied as she lowered her arm, glancing to her companions next to her as J spoke up.
"Everyone, I'd like you to meet Captain Preston Mitchell, commander of the USNV Vickers down at the stardock."
Wade gave a respectful salute to Preston as he spoke first. "It's an honor to meet you, Sir."
"Thank you, Mr. Carter. I've heard about your efforts from J, you did an admirable job back there, son." Wade failed to hide an embarrassed blush from the compliment, but it quickly faded as a beep sounded from a small device on the table. It was swiftly silenced by the captain as he tapped a button on the small, pyramid shaped timer, then facing Wade's group before continuing. "Though, as much as we could use some small talk, it'll have to wait till later."
"Indeed, we're running late at this point." Said another officer, a highly decorated member of the base with dark skin, dark grey hair and a thin beard. He immediately won the attention of everyone in the room as he spoke up. "I'm General Hugh Hood, overseer of this base. I'm certain you know some of the reasons you're here with us, correct?"
Wade nodded as he spoke to Hood. "Yeah, it's cause of those rogue agents from the JCJenson corporation." Glancing to J, the corporate drone nodded in affirmation before speaking herself.
"Tessa and I spent the last hours of yesterday evening clearing up the matter with General Hood, along with several other officials stationed here." She stopped as the middle monitor behind her flashed with a banner at the top, reading, "INCOMING TRANSMISSION", and in place of the USN emblem was a textless version of the JCJenson logo. Below the profile image was another two lines of text. "N. Jenson (Company Exec); Comms Source: Yottrite IV"
"And also told our boss about what happened here too, he wanted to give his say on this ordeal." Looking to the general, J asked him, "May I put him on?"
Hood only gave a nod of approval to the corporate drone before she picked up a remote on the table and tapped a button, accepting the call as the picture shifted to show a middle-aged man in a pristine-looking business suit on the screen.
Wade and Tina glanced to each other before J introduced their guest on the screen. "Ladies and Gentlemen, the CEO of JCJenson: Mr. Noor Jenson."
Jenson gave a pleased nod to his subordinate as he spoke to J. "Thank you for the pleasantries, J. I see we are ready to discuss our plans on dealing with this 'recall' disaster I've bore witness to on the news this morning?"
J nodded as she replied to her boss. "Indeed, I've explained to General Hood here about our efforts yesterday, and, as of recent, we've just received a message from a source we believe to be close to the company."
Mr. Jenson looked down to J attentively as he spoke to her. "Well, that's quite intriguing news, J. Do you have this message available for us to view?" J and Hood both nodded in affirmation, but didn't get an immediate reply as Jenson gazed to Wade and his friends. "...And I presume these are some of the drones rescued from one of the factories?"
Again, J nodded to her superior before explaining her colleagues. "Yes Mr. Jenson, the two drones at the front in particular were among those taken by the Administrator and their subordinates." Pointing an arm to Wade and Tina, she introduced the drone couple. "The disassembly drone here is Mr. Wade Carter, a brother to his-technically speaking-owner, the late Ron Carter. The latter helped us recover Wade during an initial raid inside the Nevada facility." When bringing up Ron, J gave an apologetic look to Wade as to show she did not mean to be offending on him and his brother's relationship. "And this is his romantic partner, Mrs. Tina Fowley. I heard she and her sister Jasmine are pilots."
Jenson looked over the two drones as his obedient employee described them to him, quietly sighing as Wade and Tina returned the gaze with nervous smiles. Once J finished, Jenson spoke to Wade. "I... would say it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Carter. But, given recent events, I don't hold fault to you for feeling frustrated at me for my... former subordinate's actions."
Wade shook his head lightly, taking Jenson's light apology with a faint smile as he replied to the CEO. "Actually, I don't. The only person I have such feelings put towards is," He hesitated for a moment, his anger at Dr. Halloway returning for a short moment before he eased himself. "..That bastard Halloway."
"The feeling's mutual, Mr. Carter. Dr. Halloway has been trying my patience for years now, especially with you and your fellow disassembly drones." Looking to J, then F, he returned his gaze to Wade before questioning him on his new body. "I don't know if J has told you of this, but if there's one truth my company has admittedly not held up to for a while, it's our quality. Recently, some of my research staff here made blueprints for an upgraded variant of the disassembly drone design. It's intended to fix several faults we expected to be nonexistent previously, most notably that atrocious cooling unit."
As a schematic pulled up on the left monitor, everyone glanced to the improved design before F spoke up about it. "If I may ask, Mr. Jenson, how big of an improvement is this new cooling unit supposed to be?"
"Good question, F. Frankly, it's supposed to do away with the issue entirely. Saves us from sacrificing enormous supplies of oil for the poorly built unit in the previous iterations. We even tested it with a repaired drone just a few days ago, and it worked flawlessly." Then, glancing to Wade again, he questioned the former worker drone on his new form. "Speaking of, how does your enhanced body feel, Mr. Carter? I'm certain it feels better to not have to-"
"Actually, Mr. Jenson," Wade interrupted, pulling out one of his canteens as he answered the CEO on his upgrades. "I guess Halloway changed up the blueprints, cause unfortunately this new cooling unit didn't cure the overheating problem. I... kinda learned that the hard way." Wade glanced to Tina apologetically, still feeling bad from her seeing him eat the corpse of the dead murder drone back at the factory.
The corporate CEO grimaced in frustration as he took in Wade's statement, already intolerant of the head researcher's actions as he replied. "...I was worried about that, Edgar always likes to run things his own way, making excuses for that 'Administrator' he watches over." Taking an agitated breath, he continued on with his spew on the two culprits of yesterday's events. "It was only because of all the very impressive creations and enhancements she and her research team provided that I tolerated them for so long, but this..." Sitting up straight in front of the camera, Jenson finished sternly. "J said the Administrator... Cyn, I believe? She was apparently something worse than we presumed originally, and I'm very inclined to believe so after yesterday."
"As well as the program tied to the Administrator, the AbsoluteSolver." J clarified before receiving an agreeing nod from Mr. Jenson, standing corrected on his placing of blame.
Raising a hand, Nathan asked about the supposed plans. "Yeah, about this "Solver Project", what do we plan to do about that?"
"Good question, Nate." Tessa replied as she crossed her arms before looking to Jenson and beginning her explanation. "Initially, we were going to investigate the other factories spread across Earth in order to get some more info on the Administrator before things get worse. But, just this morning, it seems someone else saved us the trouble." Just as Tessa neared the end of her sentence, J held up the remote again, tapping a few buttons before the left monitor shifted to show a slightly grainy video onscreen.
The video only showed a single being, a worker drone, dressed in a chrome suit and bearing a set of yellow eyes. Behind them was what appeared to be a vacant room, a few shelves holding many books within them standing still in the back. The drone's visage indicated they were filled with immense anxiety, terrified of being caught as they spoke quietly to the camera.
"I can only hope someone gets this in time, they're gonna be on me once they find out the transmitter screens are down!" Turning the camera, he showed what appeared to be a large factory room, several more of the mysterious conveyor belts like at the factory slotted next to each other. It was hard to discern every detail due to not only the window reflection, but also the dark lighting in the inactive conveyor room. Filming the room beyond, the drone continued. "Dr. Halloway's a madman, he's got more of those stolen drones being brought here and he's going to be overseeing it in the afternoon tomorrow! I've seen what happened back in Nevada, I can't take this any longer! I'm at coordinates ##.######, -###.###### Please, send someo-"
The suspicious, partially scrambled transmission immediately cut off to static, leaving Wade, Tina, and their friends with confused expressions as Tessa spoke up. "Yeah, that caught me by surprise too."
"So, that guy says they got more drones being sent 'there', but... where is there, exactly?" Jasmine asked with immense curiosity.
"I was hoping you'd ask that, Mrs. Fowley." The technician replied as she glanced to J, who tapped a few more buttons on the remote before speaking over her boss-friend.
"While the transmission itself isn't much to work off of, our friends from Comms over here managed to intercept the signal earlier, and even better, discern where it originated from." As J started her explanation, the screen shifted once more to show a large city, with one skyscraper highlighted in red as it was zoomed towards on the screen. "That scrambled audio wasn't a simple glitch, it was intentionally done so as to hide key information for us to uncover. Upon cleaning up the message, we managed to recover a set of coordinates, which direct to this structure here, in San Francisco."
Wade and his friends stared at the building in shock, examining the tall structure as it stood over the shorter buildings in the city. Tina broke the silence in her gaze. "So, this is another factory? It looks... terribly different from the one we got out of."
"Not exactly, Mrs. Fowley." Mr. Jenson answered, Tina and the others looking to him as he continued. "THAT is the Administrator's main laboratory, its location was kept on the down low so other authorities and terrorist groups wouldn't find out what the buildings true purpose was." Sighing, Jenson completed his reply. "But, with this recent mistake of Halloway's, that place has lost all purpose for us at the company."
Wade raised a hand to speak. "So, we're going to pounce on that place? Get Halloway before he runs off again?"
"Exactly." General Hood replied as he looked up to Mr. Jenson. "This whole 'recovery/recruitment' effort has gotten out of hand all across Sol. We've gotten countless reports of people being killed because of this, be it the brutal robberies here in Nevada or the bloodbath on Ceres. Even if Mr. Jenson refuses to cooperate, this has become a dire matter for us now. One way or another, this insanity will be stopped with due haste."
The CEO nodded in acknowledgement before explaining his own plans for the mission. "Speaking of cooperation, upon seeing what was happening at Earth, I ordered a detachment of our corporate starships in orbit at the time to depart for Sol in order to help with investigating the situation. They're not warships, but they are well-armed. I'll dispatch them to your authority upon concluding this call." Glancing to Wade and his team for a moment, Jenson continued. "As for the mission, I may not have much of a say, but let it be known that you have my blessing to do whatever it takes to end this madness. I don't care what you do with Halloway or any of his lackeys, or what happens to that facility down there... I want that program shut down."
"Thank you for the extra hands, Mr. Jenson. We'll make sure this Administrator is dealt with." Hood replied gratefully as Wade sat firm in his seat, Tina and the others following suite.
"General?" The former worker drone said aloud, catching Hood's attention before he made his request. "I know I'm not a soldier, but I want to help with dealing with Halloway and his grunts. After what he did, after losing my brother, I can't rest until I see that man stopped."
Tina raised a finger as well. "As do I, Wade could use a hand with those people, and given how we did during our escape run out of that place, I think the two of us make quite the duo." She glanced to Wade with a smirk as she referenced their combat prowess when flying together.
Nathan and F stood up before the latter gave her own request. "Sir, I wish to take part in this mission as well. I can also recommend Wade for you too, as I fought alongside him during the factory raid."
"Wouldn't mind giving a hand myself! And I'm sure my pal Kurtis would love to help, he's here at the base too!" Nathan added with a confident smirk, the group's determination encouraging Jasmine to stand up as well.
"I'd like to help too." She stated simply, a smile on her face as the general and his companions observed the five guests.
Admittedly, Hood knew it would be a bit absurd to allow these people to take part in an operation which would certainly involve bloodshed, especially considering most of them merely had civilian status at the moment. But, upon careful evaluation of the five, their desire to see this problem dealt with, and the fact that some of them had experience on the field...
He paused his train of thought as Captain Mitchell spoke to him. "General? I read up on the Fowleys' files when we recovered Mrs. Jasmine here, they provided service in their early careers." He smirked to the pilot sisters as he finished adding his say. "And to be frank, we need more people like them here. The records we have of them showed them to be damn fine pilots."
Tina blushed at the praise from Mitchell as she spoke to the general. "That is true, we uh... did get discharged for our... 'fancy maneuvering'."
"Sir?" Jasmine said, the general's attention on her as she added to the conversation. "Even if our flying is a bit out of protocol, Tina saved a lot of people on that starjet a few days back. I can promise you, she's an excellent woman to have at the wheel."
Glancing to Wade again, Hood took in his face, one of begging desperation as he spoke once more. "Please, Sir. My brother, the troops he brought from the Coalition, Halloway's gotten them all killed cause of this. I want to do this. I HAVE to do this, at least for them."
The good general took a deep, quiet breath, considering his decision once more before finally revealing it to Wade and his friends. "Mr. Carter, Fowleys? I'm probably making myself a fool for saying this, but you're permitted to assist us in this mission."
The drone couple contained their gratefulness in the form of ecstatic grins as Wade replied to the general. "Thanks, General. We won't let you down."
"And Mrs. Lee?" Hood said as he glanced to F, who returned the gesture as he told her, "You're technically under Mr. Jenson's authority, whatever his answer is, it's mine as well."
Bringing her yellow-orange eyes to her CEO, F awaited Mr. Jenson's answer. "F, yes? I heard Mr. Hood call you by a different name just now, I assume you have some experience with the army?"
The warrior drone nodded as she explained herself. "I once inherited the name of Felicity Lee, Mr. Jenson. I served under the USN Defense Forces before joining the DD Division." Then, glancing to the military staff near her, she finished with, "I had hoped to provide my enhancements to the Force one day."
Jenson gave a hint of a proud smile as he finally gave his decision. "Well, it seems you'll finally get that chance. From now on, even after this mission on Earth is over with, you're hereby dispatched to serve under the USN."
F admittedly couldn't hide her excited smirk as she flung a salute to her now former boss. "Thank you Sir!"
Looking up to Jenson, General Hood asked the CEO, "Mr. Jenson, how long until your ships can reach Earth?"
Jenson glanced down at his communication console as he answered the military leader. "At max speed, their Ion drives should be able to bring them into orbit in as little as one to two days. I believe there should be some ships within the system that could help as well."
"Signal them when you can, Mr. Jenson. We could use all the help we can get from them." The CEO nodded to Hood as he stood firmly to the viewer, the general turning to face Wade and his colleagues. "And Mr. Carter? We'll be mobilizing our forces immediately after this meeting concludes. It'll be a minute, but I want you to gather whatever items and belongings you'll need for this operation. Be ready to head to the flight pads in no more than three hours."
"Understood Sir!" Wade said with a salute, Tina, Jasmine and Nathan giving their own as Jasmine raised a finger.
"What about the area around the lab? That place looks like it's in the middle of the city."
J raised a finger as she told Jasmine and the others about their resolution of the civilian obstacle. "Shortly after reporting our findings on the transmission, Hood told us that they were sending in some teams to clear out the civilian population within several miles of the facility. Once we get there, it should be of no concern."
Jasmine sighed in relief as Tina spoke up. "So the people should be safe from any sort of danger?"
"Correct, Mrs. Tina." Preston answered before continuing. "Given the resistance Halloway and his men showed during the Coalition's raid, they most certainly won't hold back there."
"One more thing, Sir." Nathan asked. "The Coalition's going to help us out with this too, right?"
"You can count on it, Mr. Nathan." The Vickers' captain replied as he looked to J, then to Jenson as he spoke further. "I met the leader of the Coalition's detachment working with us when I was introduced to J and Mrs. Elliott here, they intend to see this conflict finished. I highly doubt they're willing to sit back and let us do this by ourselves."
"And their help will be much appreciated." Hood added, everyone's attention returned to him as he looked to Tessa, curious eyes scanning her holographic form. "And Mrs. Elliott, if I may. Do you mind heading down here to assist us in our investigations later on?"
"Funny you say that, General. I'm almost done with my own snooping around on the JCJ up in orbit, Cyn has some small departments of hers aboard, and I thought I'd gather some more intel before coming down." Glancing to Mr. Jenson, she saw him giving an understanding nod before returning her gaze to the military staff. "I should be down there by the evening, judging by where you're located."
"Do what you must, Mrs. Elliott. We could use whatever you find." Hood replied firmly as he turned once more to the JCJenson CEO. "Thank you for your time, Mr. Jenson. We will get to the bottom of this."
"It's my pleasure, General." Glancing to J and Tessa, he spoke to them once more. "J? Contact me when you've finished with Halloway and his Administrator."
"It'll be done, Mr. Jenson." The obedient servant answered before saluting firmly, receiving a final nod from her boss before he ended the transmission.
With their off-world guest out of the way, Hood looked to Wade and his friends, J, Tessa and Captain Mitchells sharing the gaze with them as the general spoke to them in finality. "Well, you know what comes next everyone. You're all dismissed for now. And remember, landing zone by 1300."
"We'll be there Sir." Wade said with a nod as he and his friends stood up, pushing in their chairs before making their way out to the door.
As they neared it, Wade stopped for a moment as they heard Hood call to one of his friends. "And F?" The soldier drone looked to the general as he continued. "Before we depart, would you mind changing your uniform? I believe it could help with identifying you from the other disassembly drones more easily." Glancing to J, then back to F, he finished with, "I recall hearing about the most formidable drones having clones prepared, yes?"
"Correct, Sir. I'll stop by the nearest barracks while I can." F replied before turning back to the door with her colleagues, Wade opening the door for them all as they passed through. After them, Wade passed through himself, shutting the door to the meeting room as he returned to the lobby.
Walking about together, F spoke to Wade and the others. "Well, that went smoothly. I'll be heading down to the barracks, then head over to your place to help out."
"Actually," Wade replied, raising a finger up as he asked his fellow murder drone, "You think you could bring your friends over? We could get to know each other while we're getting ready."
F glanced to Nathan with a smile before returning her eyes to Wade. "I could see about that. You're gonna like them, I can promise you that."
Taking Tina's hand, Wade walked with his girlfriend alongside Jasmine and the others, nearing the hallway they came through as they prepared for the walk back to the apartment.

Bobbing Theory
Greetings Apes, new theory on the share offering. A little less sexy than the colorful speculation, but this theory ties in with a few of the current and past DD. (I’ll add a little tinfoil at the end).
For this theory I am going to exclude as much tinfoil as possible and also make the assumption that market makers and hedge funds are not engaging in crime but are instead (mostly) working within the rules they created to fuck the poors. While I do not agree with their rules, legal does not equate to ethical as was taught in my PhD program’s first semester ethics course, After all slavery was legal in the US.
“Bobbing” is a swimming technique that involves gently bouncing from the pool floor and practicing exhaling underwater and inhaling above the surface. In this case the dumb storm troopers (Shorts) are the ones in the pool.
There are 5 Assumptions that are made in this theory:

1. Many hedge funds are short GME and need to maintain margin.
2. The Hedge-funds are likely working together to maintain margin.
3. Margin calls are not going out or at the very least are “flexible.”
4. They still think they are going to win and have a thesis (this is important).
5. RC had a plan to stop the bobbing cycle.

I think many of us are getting the perspective wrong and I think it would benefit us think a little differently. When we are seeing these price rises, it is not about them losing control. If it was, the price would look like a phone number. This is a controlled and planned raise. The price rises accomplish two things: First it attacks retail psychology and gets us to FOMO (fear of missing out) and then (for less hardened apes) breaks moral (they want this) and second It helps them support their cost basis (SCB). This is a two step process, let’s break this down.
Retail FOMO
This helps the shorts in a few ways but it is a double edged sword. When there is no liquidity it only takes a few shares to raise the price. This creates more volatility and options prices go up and the shorts happily write the contracts. When they drive the stock price back down to near max pain they get to keep the premium. They win. They also get to keep us gambling, remember it’s not the wins that hook the gambler it’s the almost. This FOMO raises the price as they funnel orders to their dark pools and they let the price raise controlled. They then meter out the buying pressure and complete the trade after they walk them down through short laddering. The only way this hurts them is if the shares are DRS'd. That is why the volume explodes.
Supporting Their Cost Basis
It is these two processes together that make up the Bobbing Theory and, I believe explain the Dorito of doom. Each time we touch the top of that line they are grabbing margin from FOMO psychology and supporting their cost basis by raising the average price of their opened shorts. They push up to the top of the pool and take a breath of that sweet retail margin. Then they drop back down through (illegal) high frequency short laddering (slowly exhaling their margin) until they hit the bottom. Then when they need to take another breath they push off the bottom get retail to FOMO and take another breath of that sweet sweet retail margin. They do all this in addition to pumping the market and the longs they hold.
The high frequency short laddering to lower the price is why we see so much off exchange and a huge increase in volume. They are trading between themselves to lower the price without actually burning through their short shares.
The 5 Assumptions
In order for the justification for the FOMO and SCB process to make sense we need a “why", thus the 5 assumptions.
The shorts need to have two things, first enough liquidity to maintain a semblance of margin, and second, a promise (reassurance) of profits (for them and the creditors).
In this theory the hedged funds are working together and are helping each other maintain margin, thus spreading the risk. Remember, we don’t need all of them to fail, we need one of them to fail. This will cause buying back shares at any price and this is something they all desperately want to avoid or they will all get liquidated. So what do they do, they “bob” for a breath of air. The thing is they all have to “bob” when one runs low on margin (air) so we don’t know which one was close to failing. They also go to pretty extreme measures when one of them is about to fail, They do this through loans (Melvin, New York Community Bank) or taking on failing banks (UBS, Silicon valley bank). They are also not being adequately margin called (Archegos, Fed Letter to Prime Brokers). Why would you not get appropriately margin called? Because, you can still justify your short thesis (in your mind) and you have a long standing relationship with the prime brokers. Remember GME still needs to turn a decent profit and show a plan for turning around. As of now, GME keeps this plan close to chest and is experimenting.
So... If these things are true, how does RC fight the shorts and how does the share offering apply?
I’m glad you asked. RC and apes have already set the bottom of the pool. If they lower it too far apes buy and DRS the shit out of the stock and burn up liquidity they are desperate for and use for their manipulation. GME also has $100M ready to buy back shares. Ok so they can’t lower it. But they can keep milking retail right....
Not anymore. Those 45m shares are a warning to the shorts that they will need to get their liquidity elsewhere. If they try to "bob" again RC is going to sell the shares and make GME even more valuable. GME does not need the money but RC has shown that he is protecting the shareholders. If they drop the price he will buy ($100m) if they try to fleece shareholders he will sell and be the one to reap the retail margin for the good of GME not the short sellers.
That filing around the 45m share issuance was not put together, filed and approved in the few days the stock ran last week. I think it was leaked to the shorts by someone at the SEC, and the short sellers gave retail one more fleecing before RC closed the door with that filing. If they come up for air agin, he will drown them. And he will do it through the issuance of Global Shares that cannot be shorted and must be booked so that we can see them accounted for in the DRS numbers (he knows what is important to the shareholders). RC knew this was controlled otherwise there would be no reason to fuck the option chain on the announcement timing. It was already fucked, we just didn't know it yet (I mean kinda, lots of us saw that coming).
Tinfoil
You may or may not agree with this. I look at things in real broad strokes.
The SEC (generally) is on our side. I think CAT is specifically for targeting the high frequency trading the hedge funds use to short ladder between themselves. This is one of the truly illegal things they are doing, but the shorts NEED this mechanism to control the price. Without this mechanism GME runs, naked shorts or not. This is one of the things that the hedge fund cabal uses to reassure the collateral holder that everything is going to be fine, if they control the price everything is under control, if they don't........
The DTCC is kinda on our side (now). They saw/see? the writing on the wall and have made Crypto and other pumped bullshit collateral worthless because they know it is fake. They also do not want to get fucked, and are willing to let some of the bad actors take the fall even though they are also complacent. They think they are far enough removed to not get scrutiny from the public because very few even know they exist.
Last speculation, one of the justifications used to stretch this out is that if they concentrate the diamond hardened holders of GME (less people more stocks) that on average people will sell for lower prices do to their overall portfolio being worth more.
Anyway, thanks for reading if you made it to the end. And as a final note: I encourage you to DRS (Book) your shares, if you don’t and you get fucked, my conscious is clear.
See you on the moon! I’ll get the first round.
-Acatalepsy

TW: references to suicidal thinking, discussions of harm toward others, mental health challenges
When I (23f) was a freshman in college, I had a friend, Amanda (name changed), who was in the same program as me and lived down the hall from me, and we hit it off. She had her quirks, and she made gruesome comments a lot, but mostly it was stuff you could easily take as a joke without thinking twice about her intentions. I considered her a friend.
Towards the end of spring break, she called me and asked if I could take her to pick up her glasses that were being fixed as she couldn’t drive herself without them. I agreed and when I got back to campus that Saturday around noon, we headed out to get her glasses. Turns out it was a trap.
As soon as we got off campus, she went from acting totally normal to practically sobbing. She was over the top emotional, explaining how her partner had just broken up with her and how she was so hurt and broken. I was caught off guard by the sudden mood swing to say the least. But then she kept going. She proceeded to make remarks about driving to the ex’s place of employment to physically confront them, but wouldn’t it be a shame if she were to wreck and off herself intentionally along the way? Her pattern of thinking went off the deep end so fast I felt like I was getting whiplash. She went from laughing and joking to talking about offing herself to make her ex feel bad within literal minutes.
I did my best to calm Amanda. We got her glasses picked up, got her food, and then I told her she could come back to my dorm room when we got back to campus because her words made me scared to leave her alone. When we got back to my dorm I started to unpack from going to visit my parents over the break, and she sat on my floor and started telling me, in graphic detail, how she could off herself that night. I tried my best to calm her down, tried to lighten the mood, and text a mutual friend to come help me because Amanda was spiraling very rapidly.
Before the friend arrived, Amanda started describing how she could kill her ex and how easy it would be to kill me. Amanda was pretty athletic, and she worked out with our campus ROTC, so she was pretty agile. I knew if she had any intention of hurting me, I wouldn’t win in the fight. So when she was not paying as much attention or was looking at her phone, I started hiding anything and everything in my room I could think of that she could use to hurt herself or me: scissors, charging cables, my cutlery. And she kept flipping the conversation to hurting somebody (herself and/or me or her ex) the whole time. This spiral in my dorm lasted about three hours.
Finally my friend arrived and we were able to convince Amanda she needed help and drove her to the hospital around midnight. After waiting for almost 6 hours, Amanda was released and our mutual friend who had gone back with Amanda so she wasn’t alone pulled me aside and said Amanda had lied to the doctors and said we forced her there against her will and she was totally fine. The doctors released her with a prescription for an anxiety medication and a note to my friend to have Amanda give us all her sharp items.
We go back to the dorms, Amanda voluntarily gives us any sharp or weapon-like objects she has in her dorm, and separate to go to sleep. Not even two hours after I fall asleep that morning (it was almost 7 AM when we got back from the hospital), I wake up to noises in my room. I lived alone. Amanda had broken into my dorm room and was scurrying around in the dark. To say it scared the absolute crap out of me would be an understatement. Amanda claimed my door was unlocked, but I know it wasn’t. She also claimed she was only in there to get her leftovers from the day prior, but something didn’t feel right to me.
I distanced myself that next day because she was honesty scaring me and I needed space to sort out my thoughts. When I wouldn’t answer her messages, she started bombarding me with calls and texts. When I let her know I wasn’t answering because I was with other friends on campus, she requested that I let her into their dorm so she wasn’t alone. I said I couldn’t do that and she said she was going to harm herself. I called the RA on duty and informed them of her statements and sent screenshots of the message from Amanda saying she would hurt herself to them. When the RA went to check in on Amanda, they told me she was chilling in her room completely normal. No odd behavior or heightened emotions.
That Sunday night when I returned to my dorm, I had stepped in my room to put down my bag and turn on my light and then walked down the hallway to use the communal restroom. Her dorm room was on a hallway angled to my own and she could see my window from hers. She was watching and saw my light come on and was pounding at my door within minutes. She was knocking and yelling so loud I could hear her in the bathroom. It scared me, and I didn’t know what to do so I messaged another girl on our hallway and asked her to intervene so I could leave without Amanda spotting me.
When the girl went out to see what Amanda was doing and tell her to quit, Amanda told her that she was just going to pick my lock and wait for me to get back from wherever I had gone. My friend managed to distract Amanda enough that I slipped out of the dorm unnoticed.
I slept in another dorm that night with a friend, but went to my schools Title IX the next morning to report the break in and harassment. The school took four days, with around five meetings, including one with a campus counselor and several with the dean of student affairs to finally allow me a no contact order with Amanda, but the damage to me was done. I fell into what was one of the worst depressive episodes of my life. I was scared to leave my dorm room. I was scared to be alone. I woke up panicking thinking somebody was in my room. I didn’t leave my dorm room for almost two weeks unless my friends dragged me to the cafeteria for food but I rarely let them.
My grades plummeted because I wasn’t attending class or doing my homework. Amanda started telling anybody who was in the program with us that I had abandoned her for no reason and even told the dean of student affairs that we had been in a relationship and I didn’t want to break up with her to her face so I went to Title IX and made it all up. She was lying to anybody and everybody who would listen.
I almost lost my scholarships, I lost friends, and I lost myself because of all of this. It’s been five years now, and while I am better, I still have triggers related to what Amanda put me through. I’m slower to trust, more calculated when making plans with friends, and if anybody around me has a negative emotional response (aka anger or frustration or sadness) I panic into a spiral by automatically fearing that they will off themself.
The bright side of the situation ended up being a love of psychology that I discovered while trying to overcome my mental health struggles brought on by this situation. I changed my major to psychology, got my bachelors of science, and am now content working on my masters and looking forward to getting my PH.D. in the near future.
I don’t think I’ll ever fully emotionally recover from the fear and trauma of that weekend, but I forgave Amanda a long time ago because the reality of the situation is that she needed help. And I did all I could to try and get her that help, but if she wasn’t ready to accept it then there was truly nothing more I could have done. I only removed myself when it became harmful to myself. And I hope wherever Amanda ended up today that she is safe and content with her life and her choices.

Side A:
BALD! COVERED IN MONEY CUTIE PIE! THE BENDS!
Side B:
ROUGH 7 LIVING SINGLE! SUPER TUESDAY!
I didn’t put BALD REMIX! because I don’t like the remix as much, I kinda don’t like the mixing on Denzel’s verse
But I regret not putting bodyguard! On the vinyl, my dumbass relistened to EP! After I bought my custom vinyl, and realized how good bodyguard was. 🤦🏾 Should I make a custom single vinyl for it?

This is a shot in the dark, but if anyone has a datasheet or anything like that for the memory card slot on the PSP Go it would be really helpful. I'm looking into something to solder directly to the original pads on the old connector.
Side note, I can't tell if the PS-Vita and PSP Go m2 slots are the same dimensions. I know they both use the same m2 cards, but the Go has the solder points near the edge and the Vita seems to have them away from the edge. But I can't really find any info on either and I'm not gonna pay a bunch of money to possibly break a Go or Vita just to find out.

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Its taken me nearly 20 years to make sense of something I happened upon for the first time as a teenager.
There are said to be old service tunnels that run from the naval-shipyard to various locations under my hometown, believed to have been originally built around WWI. But In the early 1940s, the main tunnel was opened as a fallout shelter capable of holding 10,000 people . The rest of the tunnels were supposedly closed off when new construction around town occurred in the 1970s. My grandpa worked construction on what at the time was to be the tallest building in town, adorned with a clock at the peak. He like to brag about having "put a hand on nearly every rock in that build'n" or saying "I remember when that was a pile of rubble until we worked on it". He also liked to say "There are still many old places that hold many old secrets for those brave enough to seek them" but I assumed that he meant the bottom of a bottle.
The main streets are a reminder of the infrastructure built in the 1930s and 40s. Many of the businesses on the street were the ground level of a larger office or warehouse buildings. Some were single story buildings, shoehorned in between the larger ones. There is also a Masonic Lodge history with the town. They built the original temple way back then, and then a couple decades later, built another building and moved there. Their presence is clearly noticeable in the architecture all over the town. There are even plenty of houses in town that were built in the same fashion.
It's amazing how small town gossip can be passed down from generation to generation. I first heard about the tunnels as a young boy from a classmate in the second grade. She said that her dad worked on the base(it’s a naval shipyard) and was an important man because they had an escape tunnel under her house. I think I believed her at the time but I never really saw her after around that point. Even at that age I associated her as a Navy brat. I just assumed they moved.
I never really gave it much thought though until I was about 16, in the year 2005. I was a punk teen. I smoked weed and cigarettes as often as I could. I skipped a lot of school, choosing to go get fucked up and skateboard on private property somewhere. I spent a lot of time all over the town and in the most secluded locations. As a skater I'm telling you there were/are some sick spots! A majority of the buildings are that original brick masonry. Stair cases, gaps, banks, ledges, rails. The biggest problem is that skateboarding was a form of vandalism to public property. It was that year after enough people kept getting into trouble that the skaters of our community petitioned city-hall to have a skatepark built. They listened and even let us help design it. It definitely mimics some of the most popular aspects from downtown.
I stumbled upon the first of the tunnel entrances down an alleyway in downtown. The kicker is that, of course it was past midnight and of course I had been drinking and smoking pot. But that's also why I was in the alleys. Anyone hanging out there wasn't looking for any attention. Yes looking back I regret doing all the stupid things I did. I knew the area like the back of my hand but for some reason I was never able to find an entrance while sober. The alley way is particularly remarkable and I had been down it numerous times before. It’s the only one that has a man bridge over the alley connecting two separate buildings. It’s like a hallway fully enclosed with windows, matching the appearance of the buildings. I had just passed under it and to the next building where a smaller dumpster sat. The dumpster had one side pulled away from the building it was butted up against. It was dark but I could see a gaping dark hole behind and underneath the dumpster. I pulled my lighter out to reveal a staircase leading under the building. It was hard to see but I could tell from the edges of the opening that there was supposed to be a metal or wooden cover.
Intrigued I pulled out my old Nokia cellphone. The screen albeit small and dim, it did glow and in the dark-dark was better than nothing. I didn't want to burn myself and wanted to conserve my lighter for other things. I don't know why exactly I felt I needed to but I dropped down behind the dumpster to the stairwell and held my phone up high like a lantern. The stairs went down maybe 15 steps to a flat that went through a doorway on the left. Curiosity out weighed rationality in those days and I made my way down to the flat as quietly as I could. As the last bit of ambient light and noise from the dark quiet alley disappeared, the calm stagnant air in the concrete passage way that acted like an echo chamber was a stark shift in environment.
There was a hallway beyond the doorway that was extremely narrow and not very long. It was only wide enough for one person. It was probably 15 feet in length or so. As I slowly proceeded, the hallway dumped out into a much larger tunnel. I remember thinking "a bus could fit through here!" and it stretched far beyond the dim lights reach of my Nokia. I debated on whether I should just head back and decided now was an appropriate time to spark up a smoke, which didn't mix well with the stale air. Replacing my light source with the flame from my lighter provided enough light to see a panel of switches on the wall next to the smaller tunnel. I flipped one and the main tunnel lit up surprisingly, popping a humming to life. It was at least a football field in length. There were a few other similar little tunnels in various locations along this larger one.
As I was taking in just how long it was I peered from one end to the other and down at the farthest end was what looked like a person. The realization snapped me out of my wonderment. I was now uneasy at the thought that someone was down here just hanging out in the darkness. The more I focused on the figure the more it appeared that it was just standing down there staring at me. I looked the other direction but didn't notice anyone or anything. Taking a drag as I looked back towards the figure who I was now significantly closer to, I stopped in mid step. I hadn't been aware of it but I had been walking towards the figure. That's when everything in my body told me to leave now. And in that very moment the figure began running at me full sprint. There was no time to make sense of how or why I was walking towards the figure or why I was even down here in the first place as I turned running as fast as I could.
When I got to the smaller tunnel I took the opportunity to glance back over my shoulder while rounding the corner. To my absolute terror the figure was right where I was when I started running. I could hear the foot steps echoing off every surface followed with the creepiest snarling. I hit the stairs skipping three or four steps at a time. The light from the night city sky poured over the remaining steps and I nearly forgot the drop I had made getting down there. As I reached for the side of the stair well to pull my self up I could here that thing hit the stairs. With every ounce of adrenaline I heaved myself up and rolled out into the alley. Frantically I picked myself up and rammed into the dumpster closing the gap and began to head to the main street. That night I sprinted the nearly 1.5 miles back home without stopping or looking back.
I wish I could say that I forgot about that night and the tunnels to save myself some sanity in life. If I had only known this was the beginning of something much older and darker than I could have imagined. It took me a few weeks to shake the initial shock of that encounter. Eventually I went back during the day but couldn't even find the dumpster. I put it out of my mind until about six months later when an opportunity came up to visit with my grandpa...

Game Information

Game Title: Senua's Saga: Hellblade II
Platforms:

• Xbox Series X/S (May 21, 2024)
• PC (May 21, 2024)

Trailers:

• Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II – Official Trailer The Game Awards 2023
• Senua's Saga: Hellblade II - The Senua Trailer Xbox Games Showcase 2023

Developer: Ninja Theory
Publisher: Xbox Game Studios
Review Aggregator:
OpenCritic - 84 average - 86% recommended - 55 reviews
MetaCritic - 81 average - 34 reviews

Critic Reviews

AltChar - Asmir Kovacevic - 95 / 100

Few games in recent times have been able to do what Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 has done: make me feel so engaged and immersed that I wish the feeling would never stop. It is a game that will keep you in constant awe throughout the playtime with its fantastic and mysterious story, incredible graphic and sound presentation and realistic and brutal combat that will keep you on the edge of your seat the entire time.

But Why Tho? - Mick Abrahamson - 7.5 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II won’t be for everyone. But if you are looking for a brutal continuation of a fantastic story that feels like you’re actually playing a movie, you’ll have a great time here.

CGMagazine - Justin Wood - 7 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 starts incredibly strong in the first half, but after certain revelations, the story speeds up to a point where the conclusion feels rushed and half-baked.

COGconnected - Mark Steighner - 95 / 100

It has been a very long time since I played a game as assured, polished, and emotionally affecting as Senua’s Saga: Hellblade 2.

Cerealkillerz - Steve Brieller - German - 7.9 / 10

If you expect an immersive but not so interactive “game”, Senua’s Saga Hellblade II delivers a short yet intense experience. Ninja Theory has once again skillfully created an impressive atmosphere, as they did in Senua’s Sacrifice. Unfortunately, the issues remain as well: Puzzles and combat are too easy and there is no variety in either. So please keep in mind, that this is more a Hellblade 1.5 than a true sequel.

Checkpoint Gaming - Charlie Kelly - 10 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is well worth the wait and is a serious game of the year contender. Senua's follow-up journey is the best exploration of mental health that we've seen in games to date, using incredibly striking visual imagery, metaphors and immersive soundscapes to have you feel right there next to her. In what has to be the most photo-realistic game of all time, you're guaranteed to be constantly taken by the hero's adventure as you take in the beautiful and often haunting Viking Iceland. Through mud and dirt, blood and bones, Senua and Ninja Theory in turn bare all to you, the player. A masterpiece, benchmark and magnum opus, Hellblade II is crucial storytelling you won't soon forget.

Console Creatures - Patrick Tremblay - Recommended

With Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2, Ninja Theory shows that video games can be more than simple entertainment: they can be profound artistic and emotional explorations, capable of touching and transforming those who play them. This is an unforgettable journey into the heart of Iceland's darkness, where every step of Senua is a step towards self-discovery.

Digital Trends - Tomas Franzese - 4 / 5

Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 is a visual stunner for Xbox even if its gameplay isn't too creative.

Echo Boomer - David Fialho - Portuguese - Essential

Ninja Theory has finally delivered the long-awaited and provocative sequel to Hellblade, with one of the most impressive interactive cinematic experiences of the generation, which makes you question what is real and leaves you dreaming of the graphic potential of future games still on current consoles.

Enternity.gr - Christos Chatzisavvas - Greek - 9.5 / 10

With Senua's Saga: Hellblade II, Ninja Theory builds the game it dreamed of, creating a title on a larger scale than any other.

Eurogamer - Johnny Chiodini - 5 / 5

Hellblade 2 continues Senua's story with grace, confidence, surprising brutality and thundering conviction.

GAMES.CH - Olaf Bleich - German - 89%

The game sucks you skin and hair into its fantasy world and creates such an intense bond with the characters and their stories that you want to know at every second how the adventure ends.

Game Informer - Marcus Stewart - 9 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II’s conclusion ends on another strong note, and despite my initial reservations about continuing Senua’s story, I walked away happy to see her conquer new monsters, both literal and metaphorical.

GameSpot - Jess Cogswell - 6 / 10

Hellblade 2 is perhaps the most visually remarkable Xbox title to date, but is ultimately undermined by its emphasis on fidelity over story and gameplay.

GamingTrend - Cassie Peterson - 95 / 100

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a stunning and immersive storytelling experience that really puts the player into the mind of its titular character. It's even more narratively-focused than the first game (not to its detriment), with a bigger emphasis on how Senua sees and interacts with the world around her. The whole experience from start to finish has been beyond memorable.

Generación Xbox - Pedro del Pozo - Spanish - 9.3 / 10

Ninja Theory manages to place Senua in the Olympus of videogames with the most visually and sonorously powerful game we have seen so far. A spectacular, stunning and awe-inspiring journey.

IGN - Tristan Ogilvie - 8 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II is another Viking-worthy feast for the senses that meets the high bar set by its predecessor, even if it never really manages to clear it.

INVEN - Soojin Kim - Korean - 8.5 / 10

The game's high level of immersion makes you want to play it from start to finish in one sitting. With outstanding audiovisual presentation and effects, it gives the feeling that you're playing a movie, not watching it. However, the gameplay elements, such as combat and puzzles, still lack significant meaning, which leads to rather disappoint feelings.

Kakuchopurei - Jonathan Leo - 80 / 100

While the story & gameplay's broad strokes might be familiar, Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2's execution, perspective, and overall production values are just stellar and highlights Ninja Theory's strengths in delivering what it does best: story-heavy cinematic gaming. The characters are fleshed out and well-written, with proper focus on your main character and her turmoils that carry over from the first game, the fighting feels weighty and challenging without being completely frustrating, and the HUD-less approach to presentation is welcome.

Kotaku - Claire Jackson - Unscored

A spellbinding meditation on anguish and compassion, Hellblade II delivers one of the most gripping interactive and sensory experiences of 2024

Merlin'in Kazanı - Murat Oktay - Turkish - 89 / 100

The chaotic story of Senua continues. We set out to take revenge on the Viking raiders who have inflicted devastating losses on the people of Orkney.

Metro GameCentral - GameCentral - 5 / 10

A joyless slog of barely interactive entertainment and a muddled portrayal of mental illness… that just so happens to have the best graphics ever on a video game console.

MondoXbox - Giuseppe Genga - Italian - 9.5 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a true masterpiece: a deep and highly immersive narrative experience that manages to make us feel all the protagonist's torment within an impressively realistic world. Ninja Theory reveals itself to be one of the most valuable studios in the Xbox stable here, reaching levels of absolute excellence in graphics, audio, narration, and acting. A must-play.

New Game Network - Alex Varankou - 70 / 100

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II keeps the basics intact, and while a strong lead character, great animations, and simple but enjoyable combat continue to deliver, the poor pacing and performance issues prevent this sequel from breaking free of its past.

Nexus Hub - Sam Aberdeen - 8 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is the best-looking game we've ever played - a true visual powerhouse backed by an emotionally charged story and gripping dark fantasy setting, if you can look past some of its shortcomings.

One More Game - Chris Garcia - 9 / 10

Hellblade 2 is a triumph in masterful storytelling and impeccable audio design for Ninja Theory. It is an emotionally powerful experience that depicts a sensitive subject that is hardly talked about in the medium.
To achieve this, the game stripped out several features and systems like combat and exploration in favor of a deeper narrative affair. This is not for everyone, but it is something I would encourage everyone to try at least try out.

Oyungezer Online - Onur Kaya - Turkish - 8 / 10

Next gen graphics and presentation is now among us, next gen game design on the other hand, will be running late.

PC Gamer - Robin Valentine - 58 / 100

Despite its greater scale and visual splendour, this sequel fails to escape the shadow of its predecessor with a muddled tale that Senua herself feels out of place in.

PCGamesN - Cheri Faulkner - 9 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 is an impeccable story of coming to terms with trauma and making difficult decisions, punctuated by moments of outstanding beauty and strength.

Pixel Arts - Danial Dehghani - Persian - 9 / 10

Hellblade 2 is a stellar example of a sequel done right, building on the elements that made the original a landmark in gaming. It stays true to its roots, prioritizing depth and atmosphere over broad appeal. Fans of the first game will find much to love here, as it remains a unique and compelling experience. However, if the original didn't resonate with you, Hellblade 2 follows a similar path and might not change your mind.

Polygon - Yussef Cole - Unscored

Where the first game felt like a journey of self-discovery, both for Senua and for the player, Hellblade 2 feels more invested in creating the myth of Senua: Senua as legendary giant slayer, as mystical seer touched by the underworld.

Press Start - Brodie Gibbons - 9 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is yet another arresting, artful chapter in an adventure now two games long. Though it might approach iteration with a very safe hand, only going so far as to correct the original's shortcomings, Ninja Theory's clear strengths in story craft, audiovisual design, as well as their care for the dark subject matter manage to shine through brighter than ever before.

Rectify Gaming - Tyler Nienburg - 10 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II emerges as a visual and storytelling masterpiece, and is unquestionably the best-looking game I've witnessed on Xbox Series X since its launch.

Rock, Paper, Shotgun - Rick Lane - Unscored

A more uncompromising version of the first game, Hellblade 2 offers a well told story and immaculate presentation. But it's also even simpler, to the point where it treats interaction like an inconvenience.

SECTOR.sk - Matúš Štrba - Slovak - 9.5 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is, at its core, a short game, but an excellent one. But it's not for everyone. It's a bloody and often disgusting experience based on strong emotions and immersion in a character that just won't let you go. It's more of an artistic experience than a traditional game.

Saudi Gamer - Arabic - 10 / 10

An exceptionally well realized portrayal of Senua's struggle both real and praying on her fears, with brutal and satisfying combat and puzzles that require you to appreciate the world. It successfully continues what the first game started and improves upon almost every aspect.

Seasoned Gaming - Ainsley Bowden - 9 / 10

Senua's Saga is a journey unlike any other. It's fantastical, evocative, and demonstrative of Ninja Theory being masters of their craft.

Shacknews - TJ Denzer - 9 / 10

Hellblade 2 still does incredibly well. The new story is weighty, the audio is exceptional, the scenery is ridiculously dense and rich, and the combat feels intense and impactful in new and interesting ways.

Slant Magazine - Justin Clark - 3.5 / 5

The newest chapter in Senua’s story is powerfully told but feels like it’s missing a few pages.

Spaziogames - Gianluca Arena - Italian - 7.6 / 10

Senua's Saga is as strong as its predecessor, if not more, and delivers both in its storytelling and on the technical side. The gameplay, however, has still a lot of room for improvements and boils down to almost-QTE combat and boring puzzles. An experience more than an actual and so-called video game, but an experience worth living nonetheless.

Stevivor - Jay Ball - 9.5 / 10

Senua’s Saga Hellblade 2 is a video game only on its surface. Scratch that away and you’ll see that it’s a deep, thought-provoking, interactive experience proving games are an art form that demands skill and talent. Ninja Theory should be very proud.

TechRaptor - Robert Scarpinito - 7.5 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II features intense audio, beautiful graphics, and wonderful camera work, creating a powerful presentation that’s worth experiencing. However, the narrative doesn’t quite stick the landing.

The Escapist - Unscored

Video Review - Quote not available

The Outerhaven Productions - Jordan Andow - 5 / 5

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II sets a new bar for performances and presentation. Combined with smart improvements to gameplay, it is arguably the most cinematic, immersive, story-driven experience we’ve ever seen.

TheSixthAxis - Dominic Leighton - Unscored

Just like its forbear, Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II is an oppressive, powerful and haunting example of the power of video games, and one that sets its own parameters for what a digital experience can be. It is a game that must be experienced, not least because, there’s nothing else quite like it.

Tom's Hardware Italia - Andrea Riviera - Italian - 10 / 10

What Ninja Theory has achieved transcends reality, creating a work that is practically perfect for what it aimed to be: an audiovisual adventure with a strong narrative component. Beyond state-of-the-art graphics and sound that will undoubtedly set a standard in the coming years, what truly astonishes is the maturity with which the team has taken an excellent game like the first Hellblade and molded it into something so qualitatively impressive that it becomes difficult to even describe. This elevates the medium to a new communicative level, capable of evoking emotions and surprising players from start to finish. Experiences like Hellblade 2, which leave a lasting impression on the soul, are few and far between in a generation, and we can only rejoice in seeing how the beautiful artistic vision of the Ninja Theory team has become a reality.

Too Much Gaming - Carlos Hernandez - 5 / 5

Hellblade 2 feels like a living, breathing shapeshifter, manipulating its surroundings around the player with precision and consistency, making it one of the most visually stunning video games of this generation. This is an amazing title that carefully balances its artistic and gaming ambitions, a masterpiece that I encourage any gamer to experience.

TrueAchievements - Sean Carey - 9 / 10

Ninja Theory has created an outstanding sequel with Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2. An unforgettable narrative adventure that is brought to life through impeccable sound design, fantastic visuals, and a story that will stick with you long after the final credits roll. Hellblade 2 is one of the best games Xbox has to offer.

TrueGaming - عمر العمودي - Arabic - 8 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a technical achievement for the gaming industry, the visuals are impressive and realistic in a way we haven't seen before and the audio design is very impressive. The game itself though, we think it could've offered more as puzzles are repetitive and combat is quite limited. However, the storytelling is strong in this chapter of Senua's journey, though it feels heavy and depressing.

VideoGamer - Tom Bardwell - 9 / 10

Though uncomfortably bleak and distressing, Helldivers 2 is something truly special.

WellPlayed - James Wood - 6 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is an achievement in visual fidelity but fails to define itself amid clumsy retreads and unengaging new ideas.

Worth Playing - Chris "Atom" DeAngelus - 7 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a beautiful but ultimately hollow game. The fantastic presentation props up a story that is less personal and engaging than in the first game, and the gameplay feels like an afterthought. It was great to see Senua again and to see her outside of the grief-misery she was enveloped in during the first game, but beyond that, there's not much to Hellblade II. It's a short and less memorable experience that shows off Ninja Theory's visual craft to its fullest - but it achieves little else.

Xbox Achievements - Dan Webb - 90%

While Senua’s Saga: Hellblade 2 might not set any new standards with its simplistic gameplay mechanics, from an audio-visual experience standpoint, it's frankly quite a stunning experience. Hellblade 2 is as close to playing the leading role in a big budget movie as you’re likely to get, and Ninja Theory’s continued coverage on the complexities of severe mental health issues deserves to be commended once more. Bravo, Ninja Theory. Bravo.

XboxEra - Jon Clarke - 10 / 10

Despite the backing of a company as large and as well-funded as Microsoft, Ninja Theory have, in my opinion, nurtured their independent spirit and kept it well and truly alive in every facet of Senua's Saga: Hellblade II. It's brutal. It's breath-taking. It's brilliant. If this is “Independent AAA”?
Sign me up for more.

ZdobywcyGier.eu - Bartosz Michalik - Polish - 9.5 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is undoubtedly one of the best games of this year. Not only does it shine in terms of audio-visual setting, but also in terms of story. The only element that could be considered caveat is at the same time its greatest asset, namely cinematography. Sometimes one gets the impression that the developers, in an effort to achieve the best possible effect, had to make a lot of compromises, which significantly limited the gameplay possibilities. Nevertheless, for a great narrative and immersion, this is something to turn a blind eye to.

In the bustling city of Rochester, NY, an extraordinary event was unfolding. The super mutant X gene, known as The Catalyst, was spreading like wildfire. This gene had the power to awaken latent abilities in those it touched, forever altering their lives.

Chapter 1: A Troubled Beginning

Our story begins with a girl named Daniella "Dani" Dixon. Dani was known throughout her high school as a troublemaker, the girl who always found herself in detention. Her record of misdemeanors was as long as her list of missed classes. But Dani’s rebellious streak wasn’t just a teenage phase—it was a product of her environment. Her father was a notorious drug dealer, and her mother managed the money from their illicit dealings. Inevitably, Dani got caught with marijuana, leading to her expulsion from school.
Expelled and with nowhere to turn, Dani was forced into the family business, becoming a reluctant drug dealer on the streets of Rochester. It was a grim existence, her dreams and potential smothered by the shadow of her parents' criminal activities.

Chapter 2: A Fateful Encounter

One dreary afternoon, Dani was walking along Lyell Avenue, a notorious street lined with abandoned buildings and the remnants of once-thriving businesses. The wind carried the sounds of distant sirens, a constant reminder of the city's unrest. As she passed an old, crumbling building, a soft, pitiful cry caught her attention.
Curious, Dani pushed aside some overgrown bushes and found a small skunk kit glowing faintly. The little creature was crying, its tiny body trembling. Dani’s hardened heart softened at the sight, and she reached out to comfort the kit. The moment her hand touched its fur, a surge of energy shot through her body. It was The Catalyst.
Dani fainted, her body overwhelmed by the sudden surge of power. When she woke up, she found herself lying on the cold, hard ground. The skunk kit was still there, now nestled against her side. To her amazement, she could understand the kit’s soft, anxious words.
"My name is Sable," the kit whispered. "I lost my mother. A car ran her over."

Chapter 3: Transformation

Dani looked around, trying to process what had just happened. She caught a glimpse of herself in a broken mirror leaning against the building. Her reflection was unrecognizable. She had transformed into a human-anthropoid skunk, with black and white fur and bright, intelligent eyes. She marveled at her new appearance and the strange new abilities she felt coursing through her.
Realizing she had the power to transform, Dani shifted into a small skunk, mirroring Sable’s form. This ability would allow her to move unnoticed during the day, a perfect disguise for someone who needed to stay hidden.

Chapter 4: A New Life

Returning to her home in her four-legged skunk form, Dani discovered her parents had been arrested in a police raid. Their drug-dealing empire had finally crumbled. With no home or family to return to, Dani made the abandoned building on Lyell Avenue her new refuge.
During the day, she walked on four legs, blending in with the city's wildlife. At night, she embraced her anthropoid form, using her new abilities to protect the city that had once turned its back on her. She named herself Kivet Kat, a symbol of her transformation and new purpose.

Chapter 5: Becoming a Hero

Kivet Kat and Sable became inseparable. Dani took care of the little skunk kit, vowing to protect her at all costs. The two formed an unlikely duo, using their unique abilities to fight crime and bring justice to the streets of Rochester.
As Kivet Kat, Dani's senses were heightened, and her agility and strength were unmatched. She could communicate with animals, gathering information that no human could. Her dual forms allowed her to navigate the city effortlessly, evading detection during the day and striking fear into the hearts of criminals at night.

Chapter 6: The Catalyst's Legacy

Word of Kivet Kat’s deeds spread throughout Rochester, inspiring hope in a city plagued by crime and corruption. She became a symbol of resilience, showing that even those from the darkest backgrounds could rise to become heroes.
But The Catalyst was still spreading, awakening powers in others across the city. Some would use their newfound abilities for good, while others would inevitably fall into darkness. Kivet Kat knew her work was just beginning. She would have to navigate this new world, where every ally and foe possessed extraordinary powers.

Epilogue: A New Dawn

As the sun rose over Rochester, Kivet Kat perched atop a building, looking out over the city she had sworn to protect. With Sable by her side, she felt a sense of purpose she had never known before. Her journey was far from over, but for the first time, she faced the future with hope.
The Catalyst had given her a second chance, and she would use it to ensure that no one else would have to walk the path she had. Kivet Kat was here to stay, a guardian of the night and a beacon of hope for all.
And so, the legend of Kivet Kat began, a tale of redemption, transformation, and the unyielding spirit of a girl who refused to be defined by her past.

Game Information

Game Title: Senua's Saga: Hellblade II
Platforms:

• Xbox Series X/S (May 21, 2024)
• PC (May 21, 2024)

Trailers:

• Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II – Official Trailer The Game Awards 2023
• Senua's Saga: Hellblade II - The Senua Trailer Xbox Games Showcase 2023

Developer: Ninja Theory
Publisher: Xbox Game Studios
Review Aggregator:
OpenCritic - 84 average - 86% recommended - 55 reviews

Critic Reviews

AltChar - Asmir Kovacevic - 95 / 100

Few games in recent times have been able to do what Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 has done: make me feel so engaged and immersed that I wish the feeling would never stop. It is a game that will keep you in constant awe throughout the playtime with its fantastic and mysterious story, incredible graphic and sound presentation and realistic and brutal combat that will keep you on the edge of your seat the entire time.

But Why Tho? - Mick Abrahamson - 7.5 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II won’t be for everyone. But if you are looking for a brutal continuation of a fantastic story that feels like you’re actually playing a movie, you’ll have a great time here.

CGMagazine - Justin Wood - 7 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 starts incredibly strong in the first half, but after certain revelations, the story speeds up to a point where the conclusion feels rushed and half-baked.

COGconnected - Mark Steighner - 95 / 100

It has been a very long time since I played a game as assured, polished, and emotionally affecting as Senua’s Saga: Hellblade 2.

Cerealkillerz - Steve Brieller - German - 7.9 / 10

If you expect an immersive but not so interactive “game”, Senua’s Saga Hellblade II delivers a short yet intense experience. Ninja Theory has once again skillfully created an impressive atmosphere, as they did in Senua’s Sacrifice. Unfortunately, the issues remain as well: Puzzles and combat are too easy and there is no variety in either. So please keep in mind, that this is more a Hellblade 1.5 than a true sequel.

Checkpoint Gaming - Charlie Kelly - 10 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is well worth the wait and is a serious game of the year contender. Senua's follow-up journey is the best exploration of mental health that we've seen in games to date, using incredibly striking visual imagery, metaphors and immersive soundscapes to have you feel right there next to her. In what has to be the most photo-realistic game of all time, you're guaranteed to be constantly taken by the hero's adventure as you take in the beautiful and often haunting Viking Iceland. Through mud and dirt, blood and bones, Senua and Ninja Theory in turn bare all to you, the player. A masterpiece, benchmark and magnum opus, Hellblade II is crucial storytelling you won't soon forget.

Console Creatures - Patrick Tremblay - Recommended

With Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2, Ninja Theory shows that video games can be more than simple entertainment: they can be profound artistic and emotional explorations, capable of touching and transforming those who play them. This is an unforgettable journey into the heart of Iceland's darkness, where every step of Senua is a step towards self-discovery.

Digital Trends - Tomas Franzese - 4 / 5

Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 is a visual stunner for Xbox even if its gameplay isn't too creative.

Echo Boomer - David Fialho - Portuguese - Essential

Ninja Theory has finally delivered the long-awaited and provocative sequel to Hellblade, with one of the most impressive interactive cinematic experiences of the generation, which makes you question what is real and leaves you dreaming of the graphic potential of future games still on current consoles.

Enternity.gr - Christos Chatzisavvas - Greek - 9.5 / 10

With Senua's Saga: Hellblade II, Ninja Theory builds the game it dreamed of, creating a title on a larger scale than any other.

Eurogamer - Johnny Chiodini - 5 / 5

Hellblade 2 continues Senua's story with grace, confidence, surprising brutality and thundering conviction.

GAMES.CH - Olaf Bleich - German - 89%

The game sucks you skin and hair into its fantasy world and creates such an intense bond with the characters and their stories that you want to know at every second how the adventure ends.

Game Informer - Marcus Stewart - 9 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II’s conclusion ends on another strong note, and despite my initial reservations about continuing Senua’s story, I walked away happy to see her conquer new monsters, both literal and metaphorical.

GameSpot - Jess Cogswell - 6 / 10

Hellblade 2 is perhaps the most visually remarkable Xbox title to date, but is ultimately undermined by its emphasis on fidelity over story and gameplay.

GamingTrend - Cassie Peterson - 95 / 100

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a stunning and immersive storytelling experience that really puts the player into the mind of its titular character. It's even more narratively-focused than the first game (not to its detriment), with a bigger emphasis on how Senua sees and interacts with the world around her. The whole experience from start to finish has been beyond memorable.

Generación Xbox - Pedro del Pozo - Spanish - 9.3 / 10

Ninja Theory manages to place Senua in the Olympus of videogames with the most visually and sonorously powerful game we have seen so far. A spectacular, stunning and awe-inspiring journey.

IGN - Tristan Ogilvie - 8 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II is another Viking-worthy feast for the senses that meets the high bar set by its predecessor, even if it never really manages to clear it.

INVEN - Soojin Kim - Korean - 8.5 / 10

The game's high level of immersion makes you want to play it from start to finish in one sitting. With outstanding audiovisual presentation and effects, it gives the feeling that you're playing a movie, not watching it. However, the gameplay elements, such as combat and puzzles, still lack significant meaning, which leads to rather disappoint feelings.

Kakuchopurei - Jonathan Leo - 80 / 100

While the story & gameplay's broad strokes might be familiar, Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2's execution, perspective, and overall production values are just stellar and highlights Ninja Theory's strengths in delivering what it does best: story-heavy cinematic gaming. The characters are fleshed out and well-written, with proper focus on your main character and her turmoils that carry over from the first game, the fighting feels weighty and challenging without being completely frustrating, and the HUD-less approach to presentation is welcome.

Kotaku - Claire Jackson - Unscored

A spellbinding meditation on anguish and compassion, Hellblade II delivers one of the most gripping interactive and sensory experiences of 2024

Merlin'in Kazanı - Murat Oktay - Turkish - 89 / 100

The chaotic story of Senua continues. We set out to take revenge on the Viking raiders who have inflicted devastating losses on the people of Orkney.

Metro GameCentral - GameCentral - 5 / 10

A joyless slog of barely interactive entertainment and a muddled portrayal of mental illness… that just so happens to have the best graphics ever on a video game console.

MondoXbox - Giuseppe Genga - Italian - 9.5 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a true masterpiece: a deep and highly immersive narrative experience that manages to make us feel all the protagonist's torment within an impressively realistic world. Ninja Theory reveals itself to be one of the most valuable studios in the Xbox stable here, reaching levels of absolute excellence in graphics, audio, narration, and acting. A must-play.

New Game Network - Alex Varankou - 70 / 100

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II keeps the basics intact, and while a strong lead character, great animations, and simple but enjoyable combat continue to deliver, the poor pacing and performance issues prevent this sequel from breaking free of its past.

Nexus Hub - Sam Aberdeen - 8 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is the best-looking game we've ever played - a true visual powerhouse backed by an emotionally charged story and gripping dark fantasy setting, if you can look past some of its shortcomings.

One More Game - Chris Garcia - 9 / 10

Hellblade 2 is a triumph in masterful storytelling and impeccable audio design for Ninja Theory. It is an emotionally powerful experience that depicts a sensitive subject that is hardly talked about in the medium.
To achieve this, the game stripped out several features and systems like combat and exploration in favor of a deeper narrative affair. This is not for everyone, but it is something I would encourage everyone to try at least try out.

Oyungezer Online - Onur Kaya - Turkish - 8 / 10

Next gen graphics and presentation is now among us, next gen game design on the other hand, will be running late.

PC Gamer - Robin Valentine - 58 / 100

Despite its greater scale and visual splendour, this sequel fails to escape the shadow of its predecessor with a muddled tale that Senua herself feels out of place in.

PCGamesN - Cheri Faulkner - 9 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2 is an impeccable story of coming to terms with trauma and making difficult decisions, punctuated by moments of outstanding beauty and strength.

Pixel Arts - Danial Dehghani - Persian - 9 / 10

Hellblade 2 is a stellar example of a sequel done right, building on the elements that made the original a landmark in gaming. It stays true to its roots, prioritizing depth and atmosphere over broad appeal. Fans of the first game will find much to love here, as it remains a unique and compelling experience. However, if the original didn't resonate with you, Hellblade 2 follows a similar path and might not change your mind.

Polygon - Yussef Cole - Unscored

Where the first game felt like a journey of self-discovery, both for Senua and for the player, Hellblade 2 feels more invested in creating the myth of Senua: Senua as legendary giant slayer, as mystical seer touched by the underworld.

Press Start - Brodie Gibbons - 9 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is yet another arresting, artful chapter in an adventure now two games long. Though it might approach iteration with a very safe hand, only going so far as to correct the original's shortcomings, Ninja Theory's clear strengths in story craft, audiovisual design, as well as their care for the dark subject matter manage to shine through brighter than ever before.

Rectify Gaming - Tyler Nienburg - 10 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II emerges as a visual and storytelling masterpiece, and is unquestionably the best-looking game I've witnessed on Xbox Series X since its launch.

Rock, Paper, Shotgun - Rick Lane - Unscored

A more uncompromising version of the first game, Hellblade 2 offers a well told story and immaculate presentation. But it's also even simpler, to the point where it treats interaction like an inconvenience.

SECTOR.sk - Matúš Štrba - Slovak - 9.5 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is, at its core, a short game, but an excellent one. But it's not for everyone. It's a bloody and often disgusting experience based on strong emotions and immersion in a character that just won't let you go. It's more of an artistic experience than a traditional game.

Saudi Gamer - Arabic - 10 / 10

An exceptionally well realized portrayal of Senua's struggle both real and praying on her fears, with brutal and satisfying combat and puzzles that require you to appreciate the world. It successfully continues what the first game started and improves upon almost every aspect.

Seasoned Gaming - Ainsley Bowden - 9 / 10

Senua's Saga is a journey unlike any other. It's fantastical, evocative, and demonstrative of Ninja Theory being masters of their craft.

Shacknews - TJ Denzer - 9 / 10

Hellblade 2 still does incredibly well. The new story is weighty, the audio is exceptional, the scenery is ridiculously dense and rich, and the combat feels intense and impactful in new and interesting ways.

Slant Magazine - Justin Clark - 3.5 / 5

The newest chapter in Senua’s story is powerfully told but feels like it’s missing a few pages.

Spaziogames - Gianluca Arena - Italian - 7.6 / 10

Senua's Saga is as strong as its predecessor, if not more, and delivers both in its storytelling and on the technical side. The gameplay, however, has still a lot of room for improvements and boils down to almost-QTE combat and boring puzzles. An experience more than an actual and so-called video game, but an experience worth living nonetheless.

Stevivor - Jay Ball - 9.5 / 10

Senua’s Saga Hellblade 2 is a video game only on its surface. Scratch that away and you’ll see that it’s a deep, thought-provoking, interactive experience proving games are an art form that demands skill and talent. Ninja Theory should be very proud.

TechRaptor - Robert Scarpinito - 7.5 / 10

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II features intense audio, beautiful graphics, and wonderful camera work, creating a powerful presentation that’s worth experiencing. However, the narrative doesn’t quite stick the landing.

The Escapist - Unscored

Video Review - Quote not available

The Outerhaven Productions - Jordan Andow - 5 / 5

Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II sets a new bar for performances and presentation. Combined with smart improvements to gameplay, it is arguably the most cinematic, immersive, story-driven experience we’ve ever seen.

TheSixthAxis - Dominic Leighton - Unscored

Just like its forbear, Senua’s Saga: Hellblade II is an oppressive, powerful and haunting example of the power of video games, and one that sets its own parameters for what a digital experience can be. It is a game that must be experienced, not least because, there’s nothing else quite like it.

Tom's Hardware Italia - Andrea Riviera - Italian - 10 / 10

What Ninja Theory has achieved transcends reality, creating a work that is practically perfect for what it aimed to be: an audiovisual adventure with a strong narrative component. Beyond state-of-the-art graphics and sound that will undoubtedly set a standard in the coming years, what truly astonishes is the maturity with which the team has taken an excellent game like the first Hellblade and molded it into something so qualitatively impressive that it becomes difficult to even describe. This elevates the medium to a new communicative level, capable of evoking emotions and surprising players from start to finish. Experiences like Hellblade 2, which leave a lasting impression on the soul, are few and far between in a generation, and we can only rejoice in seeing how the beautiful artistic vision of the Ninja Theory team has become a reality.

Too Much Gaming - Carlos Hernandez - 5 / 5

Hellblade 2 feels like a living, breathing shapeshifter, manipulating its surroundings around the player with precision and consistency, making it one of the most visually stunning video games of this generation. This is an amazing title that carefully balances its artistic and gaming ambitions, a masterpiece that I encourage any gamer to experience.

TrueAchievements - Sean Carey - 9 / 10

Ninja Theory has created an outstanding sequel with Senua's Saga: Hellblade 2. An unforgettable narrative adventure that is brought to life through impeccable sound design, fantastic visuals, and a story that will stick with you long after the final credits roll. Hellblade 2 is one of the best games Xbox has to offer.

TrueGaming - عمر العمودي - Arabic - 8 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a technical achievement for the gaming industry, the visuals are impressive and realistic in a way we haven't seen before and the audio design is very impressive. The game itself though, we think it could've offered more as puzzles are repetitive and combat is quite limited. However, the storytelling is strong in this chapter of Senua's journey, though it feels heavy and depressing.

VideoGamer - Tom Bardwell - 9 / 10

Though uncomfortably bleak and distressing, Helldivers 2 is something truly special.

WellPlayed - James Wood - 6 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is an achievement in visual fidelity but fails to define itself amid clumsy retreads and unengaging new ideas.

Worth Playing - Chris "Atom" DeAngelus - 7 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is a beautiful but ultimately hollow game. The fantastic presentation props up a story that is less personal and engaging than in the first game, and the gameplay feels like an afterthought. It was great to see Senua again and to see her outside of the grief-misery she was enveloped in during the first game, but beyond that, there's not much to Hellblade II. It's a short and less memorable experience that shows off Ninja Theory's visual craft to its fullest - but it achieves little else.

Xbox Achievements - Dan Webb - 90%

While Senua’s Saga: Hellblade 2 might not set any new standards with its simplistic gameplay mechanics, from an audio-visual experience standpoint, it's frankly quite a stunning experience. Hellblade 2 is as close to playing the leading role in a big budget movie as you’re likely to get, and Ninja Theory’s continued coverage on the complexities of severe mental health issues deserves to be commended once more. Bravo, Ninja Theory. Bravo.

XboxEra - Jon Clarke - 10 / 10

Despite the backing of a company as large and as well-funded as Microsoft, Ninja Theory have, in my opinion, nurtured their independent spirit and kept it well and truly alive in every facet of Senua's Saga: Hellblade II. It's brutal. It's breath-taking. It's brilliant. If this is “Independent AAA”?
Sign me up for more.

ZdobywcyGier.eu - Bartosz Michalik - Polish - 9.5 / 10

Senua's Saga: Hellblade II is undoubtedly one of the best games of this year. Not only does it shine in terms of audio-visual setting, but also in terms of story. The only element that could be considered caveat is at the same time its greatest asset, namely cinematography. Sometimes one gets the impression that the developers, in an effort to achieve the best possible effect, had to make a lot of compromises, which significantly limited the gameplay possibilities. Nevertheless, for a great narrative and immersion, this is something to turn a blind eye to.