Blood in stool dog after birth

I am not even talking about scriptural problems within the bible, You don't have to open a single bible to start seeing the problems,
1-) The Problem of Salvation and Faith (Why the plan of salvation is ridiculous, and has failed)
I.The ridiculousness of the plan
A. Demanding blood for remission of sins Heb 9:22 - Why is this the terms that god insists upon? Isn't he the architect of the parameters regarding sin, punishment, and forgiveness? Is he not able to forgive sin without blood sacrifice? Can he not say, “No blood sacrifice necessary, I just forgive you?”
B. God sacrificing himself to himself to save us from himself by creating a loophole in the architecture for condemnation he engineered in the first place? This is your solution for a problem in which you yourself are the problem. It’s like a doctor stabbing people to be able to operate and save them.
C. Dying for someone else's crime does not equal justice in any court.
D. The sacrifice was not a sacrifice at all :

1. Jesus is said to be eternal
2. He spent a few days in misery out of his billions of years plus of existence
3. He spent a minutiae of a fraction of his existence suffering knowing he would be resurrected after the ordeal and spend eternity in divine luxury, and that somehow provides him justification to sentence us to trillions of years of eternity suffering without end?
4. Jesus is a supernatural immortal who suffered temporary mortal punishment and then sentences mortals to supernatural eternal punishment if they do not receive his sacrifice.
5. Why is three days of punishment followed by eternity in glory sufficient for all the horrible deeds any man has ever committed, but billions of years suffered in hell by a good moral person who does not believe due to lack of evidence is not sufficient?

2-) Nature of The Christian god
I. He is supposed to be an all Powerful and All mighty being and yet he died on a cross by his own creation (If you see someone claiming to be god and then you saw him hie before your very eyes, How on earth are you supposed to conclude anything else other than "This guy is a liar"?)
Modern Christians would respond to this saying "Only the Human part died, The Divine part wasn't affected"
Which again, doesn't make any sense :
A. Even when assuming a human sacrifice is somehow necessary for salvation, The sacrifice of 1 Human being can never be Enough to atone for the sins of all of mankind since Adam and Eve till the return of jesus.
I found a Coptic pope explaining this issue in detail, Here is a link to his book, https://st-takla.org/books/en/pope-shenouda-iii/nature-of-christ/propitiation-and-redemption.html
Quoting from it : "The belief in the One Nature of the Incarnate Logos is essential, necessary and fundamental for redemption. Redemption requires unlimited propitiation sufficient for the forgiveness of the unlimited sins of all the people through all ages. There was no solution other than the Incarnation of God the Logos to offer this through His Divine Power.
Thus, if we mention two natures and say that the human nature alone performed the act of redemption, it would have been entirely impossible to achieve unlimited propitiation for man's salvation. Hence comes the danger of speaking of two natures, each having its own specific tasks. In such case, the death of the human nature alone is insufficient."
It's very clear that saying only the human part died doesn't make any sense, Even according to the Christian theology itself.
B. The Trinity is based on a false idea
I know, It's a classic Argument against Christianity but you can't deny that it's an actual damning argument against the Christian theology.

1. God is all knowing but Jesus wasn't all knowing (mark 13:32)
2. Jesus is supposed to be god, but he is praying to himself to save himself with cries and tears?? (Luke 22:41-44)
3. Jesus is god but we can't say he is good because only god is good?? (Luke 18:18-19)
4. God can't be tempted by evil (James 1:13) but yet jesus was tempted by satan?? (Matthew 4:1)
5. Jesus is god but he can't do a thing on his own?? (John 5:31) 6.Jesus is supposed to be the same as the father, But their teachings are different? (John 7:16)

And so many more, Throught the bible i can't help but notice the intense number of verses which clearly states Jesus can't be god.
3-) The Problem of a Historical Jesus (Why we don’t know the actual historical Jesus)
I. No contemporary historical evidence,
A. No historian alive during Jesus day wrote about Jesus despite ample opportunity

1. The kings coming to his birth
2. Herod’s slaughter of baby boys
3. The overthrowing of money changers
4. Jesus triumphant entry into Jerusalem where he is declared king by the whole town.
5. Darkness covering the whole earth for hours on Jesus’ Death
6. The earthquakes at Jesus’ death
7. The rending of the temple veil at Jesus’ Death
8. The resurrection of Jesus that was seen by 500 witnesses.(Only Paul claims that, even tho he never met jesus)

II. The Gospels are contradicting, late hearsay accounts
A. Mark, the earliest gospel, was written at least after 70 A.D. (referencing fall of temple) by a non-eyewitness, and makes numerous cultural and geographical errors that a Jewish writer would not have made such as locations of rivers, cultural customs regarding divorce, locations of towns or Jesus quoting from the greek Septuagint etc. (see geographical and historical errors in this link, https://holtz.org/Library/Philosophy/Metaphysics/Theology/Christianity/Criticism/Bible%20Problems%20by%20Packham%201998.htm#ERRORS )
B. The other gospels all copied from Mark. Luke and Matthew contain over 70% of Mark and mainly make changes in attempts to fix blatant errors made in Mark and to correct Mark’s poor grammar.The writer of Luke even reveals to us in Luke 1:2 that he was not an eyewitness, but that the story has been passed down to him.
C. Four where chosen by the church father Iraeneus because he believed the earth was founded on four pillars and so too, should the gospels be founded by only four accounts.
Iraenus also revealed the names of the Gospels in the late second century, without any reason to assume they where the authentic authors - no one knows who actually wrote them!
D. John was initially considered heretical by the early church because of its variation from the synoptic but was overwhelmingly popular amongst Christians and so was included.
E. The book of Revelations was also considered heretical by many :
For centuries The Revelation was a rejected book. In the 4th century, St.John Chrysostom and other bishops argued against it. Christians in Syria also reject it. The Synod of Laodicea: c. 363, rejected The Revelation. In the late 380s, Gregory of Nazianus produced a canon omitting The Revelation. Bishop Amphilocus of Iconium, in his poem Iambics for Seleucus written some time after 394, rejects The Revelation. When St.Jerome translated the Bible into Latin, producing the Vulgate bible c. 400, he argued for the Veritas Hebraica, meaning the truth of the Jewish Bible over the Septuagint translation. At the insistence of the Pope, however, he added existing translations for what he considered doubtful books: among them The Revelation. The Church in the East never included the Revelation.
4-) The early church did not seem to know anything about a historical Jesus. Huge amounts of disagreement over Jesus in the first hundred years :

1. Some churches didn’t even believe he had a physical body, prompting Paul to write about that very issue.
   
2. There was an enormous debate between all the major early churches as to whether Jesus was divine or not, this was settled at the council of Nicea by the Roman Emperor Constantine.
   

5-) Which Bible?
A. Over 450 English versions of the bible All are translated using different methods and from entirely different manuscripts
B. Thousands of manuscripts disagreeing with each other wildly in what verses and even books they contain.
C. Different translations teach entirely different things in places, some often leaving out entire chapters and verses or containing footnotes warning of possible error due to uncertainty about the reliability of the numerous manuscripts.
Take a look at this example, 1- Revised standard version 2- Revised standard version Catholic edition 3- NEW revised standard version Updated edition 4- NEW revised standard version Catholic edition 5- NEW revised standard version, Anglicised 6- NEW revised standard version, Anglicised Catholic edition
How many attempts would it take to finally get it right ?!
6-) The Morality of the bible
I don't like using Morality as an argument because i believe it's a subjective thing, But I cannot help but notice how the morals of the OT and the NT are completely contradictory
In the OT god was Angry, Vengeful, Demands war, order genocides, Ordered the killing of children and even the ripping open of pregnant women.
But in the NT he somehow became loving, a father figure, saying if anyone hits you you shouldn't even respond back.

• In Conclusion: I don't think Christianity can be accepted as the truth by any logical person (Even most convert stories i heard were basically "I saw jesus in a dream" or "The holy spirit held my hand")

There is so many Theological confusion, A salvation idea that makes 0 sense, Lack of any form of historical critirea of knowing what is true manuscripts and what is hearsays (The authors of the gospels are all Anynomous),
There is even disagreement within Christianity itself about what stories go into the bible (Many stories have been found out to be false like John 8:1-11 and Mark 16:18)
https://textandcanon.org/does-the-woman-caught-in-adultery-belong-in-the-bible/
The lack of consistency on literally everything makes it one of the least convincing religion in my opinion.

There are 5 areals inside of which 5 elements reside. The five areals are: ● Mirage(hollow, reflective, refractive, instantanious, where psyche meets spirit). ● Woman (love, where spirit meets fire), ● Digitage( non-corporeal, energy storage where water meets fire) . ● Foilage(birthing, absorbing, growing, where animal meets water), ● Man(strife, where animal meets psyche)
(The elements between each areal are respectfully spirit, fire, water. animalia and psyche)
Inside animalia there are 6 distinct animals from which genesis occurs. Pachyderm (elephants, whales etc) Reptilian (lizards, snakes etc) Cephalapod (the sentient on the planet) Equine (horse, zebra etc) Canine (dog, wolf, jackal etc) Feline (cat, lion, cheetah etc)
Time is an illusion carried by humans (an amalgamation through time defying reproduction of the entirety of the cephalapods work in genesis on the planet earth.) The earliest intelligent animal on the earth was the vampyrapod. A ten tentacled species that landed here somehow flung from some rock or ejaculated by some larger animal. The vampyropods were fed upon by the local life here (trilobytes, bacteria etc) eating two of the tentacles (the mating tentacles (man(woman)) that began the genesis. The ten commandments themselfs biblically are the fossilized representation of one male and one female vampyropods. The ten tentacles arranged in their death explaining a meaning forever.
The 5 areals are where time is encased it is the job of humans to bear the weight of time while cephs continue the genesis.
If you imagine a star shape in which each point is an areal, and between each point is an element, than in the very center you will find salt, sugar, and vinegar (dry). With these base powders water, Nitrogen, And carbon can be formed. The basis of life on earth.
All the genesis of animalia as well as man made items were the creation of the cephs with intention. Mixing of animalia through time and genesis they have destroyed the dinosaurs and shifted them to aviaries. They did this through the tapeworm, an invention that not only makes up the organs of humans, (the intestines, the gallbladder etc) but was weaponized to destroy the dinosaurs en masse in preperation for the genesis plans of the cephs.
Modern octopus only live about 4.5 years and they have mastered the ability to transcend into the next through cannabalism as well as telepathy. They created the first language of enochian (the angels language) through tentacle and eye movements. Through many generations and reincarnations they developed telepathy as well as the ability to travel through time.
On genesis. An actuality has to occur from the cephs in time to create the genesis. Such as a ceph dying, killing. Being eaten. Eating. The laying of hands (tentacles in this case) or the travel through time to accomplish these. For example. A ceph intentionally was eaten by a komodo dragon, while conscious and being digested it telepathically sent the makeup from inside to another ceph. This ceph used that information to create the genesis of the tapeworm that would destroy the dinosaurs. After most reptilians were shifted to aviaries. There were remnants such as thr chameleon who is very fragile, has 2 penises that constnlantly prolapse and the female can hold sperm for years without self inseminating to create birth. If you take a pachyderm like an elephant an ld have it eat of a chameleon, perhaps with some other complicated genesis of elements and areals you will find you have a gnarwal. The main point is that once they mastered tome travel, they have had unlimited time to make use of their ability to create genesis on the planet. Every animal thay is alive today has been manipulated by the cephs to be exactly where it is in time to accommodate for a larger agenda.
Its my belief that there are only 3 unique cephs that survived the early devastation of trilobytes and other life feeding from these aliens. I call them Seth, Jack, and Claire. Seth is known for being cruel. Jack is more logical, Claire is more empathetic. Because they didnt have the gene popl to create offapring effectively they created this ability to utilize genesis to ensure their survival. This is why they are cannabls its because they must be in order to continue. The modern female octopus always feeds of the make after mating. The males always eat of the young ones after birth.
On 'man made' inventions Cephs proliferated through genesis all the tools to create the written word. From sea anemone to sea urchin to porcupine to bird feather, to quill. And you already know where the ink came from. These topls were provided to a banana pig infested with mutated tapeworms in order to solidify the structures of governance over time. Every iteration of every technology was also developed intentionally by the cephs in order to eatablish a relationahip with the digitage that is just now in our perception coming to power.
As a human, i am essentially just a warm blooded version of a ceph. (Make a bird with your hands, where are the beaks?) We exist inside this cage of time and bear its burden. Look at a shark it may sleep but it just keeps swimming. Humans cannot. We have to sleep. Which is close to the realm of death. We as humans are split and carry the weight of strife and love. This is gender and its roles. (This is not a politcal view of genders but a simplification for the idea that governs. Im positive that in infinite time, other genders maybe an option)
We are as a human race looking forward to scientific breakthroughs that happen when cephs accomplish the physical actuations in time that develop to possible situations we experience from that genesis. Such as. By 2027 scientists anticipate returning the wooly mammoth from extinction. It is my belief that we need an actualization of the 6th digit in the mammaths feet in order for a cephs agenda unknown.
Bird eating spiders are example of post genesis cannabalism that triggers another line of genesis to occur such as a poison tree frog or something. I beleive that venomous snakes were made that way because the egg is the fruit that the snake is tempted by. And if it ate of its own eggs it was cursed through genesis to bear the venom. A bovine has 4 stomachs. And udders that resemble somehwhat the tenacles of a ceph. Its my belief that a whale(pachyderm) that has 9 stomachs (the 9 circles of hell) consumed a ceph and in its 4th stomach met the remains of an equine and genesis occured. Resulting in a cud chewing cow. Precious ambergris is essential to perfumes and stimulated the olfactories in way unlike anything else in the world. It cannot be valued it unvaluable. Whales also sing ans produce music. The moder ceph has empirical hearing as well as oldlfactory experiences. Cephs love blueberries. Foe the antioxidants (ita okay its a joke you can laugh ) but really. They do. Modern octopus can be found in the pacific notherwest climbing trees. They dont eat and make their way up the rocky cliffs to the coniferous foilage in order to establish some genesis. That is a real human experience that is documented. They have cralwed in any form across every inch and again and again of this planet. A suction cup on the plastic window of a bill in the mail may have inadvertantly created the floppy disc.
On the macro and the myopic: We live in time where everything occurs simultaniously only on a different scale in a set of repeating patterns that run forwards or backwards in fractalization. Or so to say, the coast goes on forever. With innumurable bits of sand that outnumber the stars in the sky.
Youll find that rapa nui , or easter island is the end of time itself. A graveyard of sorts and a resting ground for the tired cephs who have labored throughout existence to provide the genesis for us to continue in this gestalt of a universe. Its not an end but also a beginning.

Hi all A year ago my mum bought a 3 month old kelpie puppy and I don’t know what to do. I don’t like dogs all that much and I made it clear that I didn’t want one and if she was to get one it shouldn’t be a puppy as we don’t have the capacity to raise one. We live in a dense residential area with a very small backyard and I said our area is not good to properly raise a kelpie in. She still bought one and said she would look after him. My mum has chronic illnesses and over the past year we’ve had cps in our lives.Because of constant going to court, drug screenings, having people in and out of the home everyday I haven’t had time to properly socialise him with other dogs and he’s now very reactive. I work full time and have no time in my day to train or walk him but my mum can’t look after him anymore. The last time I walked him was back in November and he broke free from his harness and tried to attack another dog (thankfully didn’t, I ended up holding him down on the side walk covered in my blood untill my mum could come and help me get him into a pet Uber). I haven’t walked him since and no one in my house is able to. I got him desexed a few weeks ago and since then he’s has been so naughty. Before it was okay and we had been training him but since this he’s just on his own path of destruction and will not listen to anything. If anyone has some tips on how to look after him it would be greatly appreciated. I’ve never owned or fully looked after a dog before, let alone a dog with never ending energy and I can’t keep up with him hahahaha :))))

May i ask ut thoughts, 2 weeks after my last encounter. I got tested for hiv and it was negative.the problem is since the day after we had sex of that guy, there's a presence of mucus like or yeast in my stool as of the moment, i dont have any rash or other symptoms. All i have is (yeast presence on stool based on stool analysis required by my doctor) one time i also had blood in my stool but the blood is just one time , i also kinda looking for other possible reason for this and i saw that diabetes can be related to this.i hope to get ur insights to this. In addition to this, rn im experiencing like something is in my throat but i can't release it.

on my mind lately but i do want to share it.
about 8 years ago, i had a lot of problems and was in a bad abusive relationship and basically he threatened me that if i didn’t let him sneak in at night that he would do something to me so i let him. this was all because he got into a fight with my brother and my mom didn’t want him over anymore. but anyways. he came one night and he got caught in my room. my mom freaked. i was already dealing with mental health problems and this made it 100000x worse. she took everything from me. i would just sit in my room and cry. eventually my doctor found out i self harmed because of taking my blood pressure and they recommended i go to a psychiatric facility. at this time my mom was being extremely horrible to me.
when i was in, i met this girl there. a quiet small girl. i decided to let her sit at my table during the day and we quickly became friends. she didn’t have a phone or socials but i gave her my info just in case. about 5 months later, i got a facebook message from her. comes out she got a phone after she begged her family for one so she can talk to me. from then on, we talked pretty much every day and shared everything with each other. she lived kind of far so i wasn’t able to see her in person until a few years later when her family got a car. she started dating this kid we also met at the hospital… i supported their relationship 100%. she was my best friend. i even taught her how to drive!
when we did see each other semi-regularly in person, i brought her with me to hang out with me my then bf and his best friend. his friend met a girl at my church and they started dating. so i brought my friend with me to hang with all of us and her and that other girl became friends. it bothered me because that other girl i knew my whole life. we never got along. but i was being nice since she was dating my bfs friend. the girls exchanged snaps i guess and they talked a lot without me knowing…
one day friend tells me she is pregnant. she misses a birth control shot and her boyfriend finished in her. she said she didn’t want him to and she doesn’t know what to do. and sure enough she is indeed pregnant. her family didn’t have much. they were about to be evicted… no one worked… it was a tough situation. she considered abortion and i told her, i will support you no matter what you decide. either way i am here.
i went to the mall one day with my bf and his friend and that other girl. we got to talking and she started saying how my friend can’t get an abortion because that’s wrong and it’s murder and idk what else. i didn’t like that she was saying that. i told her it was my friends choice no matter what.
my friend was supposed to go for an abortion. says she went. then she tells me they said she was a day too late and they couldn’t do it. i said it’s okay, i will be here to help! i spent the rest of her pregnancy finding the baby clothes, buying them groceries so she doesn’t go hungry, and so much more. i stepped up as much as i could.
my friends bf got into an accident and i dropped everything and drove to her to pick her up and take her to the hospital to see him after o took her to buy stuff for his hospital stay. mind you, i had just gotten my license yet i was driving downtown just to make sure she got to see him since no one else was able to take her. i stayed with her a while and took her home. all that.
i even went to see her and the baby when she was born and took her whatever she wanted to eat and even took photos of the baby for her. i loved that baby and her so much. she wanted me to be her godmother!
fast forward to covid, i was sad because i couldn’t visit her anymore. i wanted to keep her and the baby safe! we still talked daily like nothing. then i found out she talked to that girl from my church (the girl that dated my bfs friend) … and i told her hay she isn’t a great person. no one at church likes her and i explained to her all the reasons why. and that she also was talking crap about her wanting an abortion and the names she was calling her like murderer and whatnot. she proceeded to get upset at me and told me not to tell her who to be friends with…. so she blocked me.
one day out of the blue a few days later she asks me why this girl (who introduced me and my then bf) was telling her how i told her her business about her being pregnant and me buying her stuff and her bfs accident …. and im like ? what? and it comes out that my friend and my bfs friends ex were so pressed that they went and messaged someone who they knew i wasn’t talking to. we talked like one time ages ago and i was talking about my friend a bit with no details. but they go and text her and she spills how i told them all this and so my friend gets mad and says she doesn’t like me doing shit for her because i’m just gonna throw it in her face later. i was confused. but i couldn’t force her to talk to me. so i gave up trying to explain and reason and she blocked me on everything.
comes out the 3 girls met up just to talk shit. the third girl i mentioned who they messaged to get info from ended up not talking to them anymore and she told me how they’d talk about me and pull up my social medias to make fun of me and my now partner.
I also found out she lied to me about the abortion… she wasn’t late to get it. she didn’t even go because the girl manipulated her into not getting it because she convinced her that she would be a murderer. literally convinced her to keep a child she couldn’t support and did nothing to help yet i spent time and money making sure her fridge was stocked and the baby had clothes.
what’s fucked up is the told the girls that the groceries i got her she didn’t like or didn’t eat yet i literally still have the text message of the stuff she wanted, brands and all… and i literally got exactly what she wanted. that really helped me realize that i shoukdnt do shit for anyone because no one will ever appreciate it.
it’s also funny that her boyfriend or whatever messaged me about 2 months after this happened trying to hook up. he said he was sorry she did that to me. that he told her not to do it. and then said he wants to meet up to hookup and that he always thought i was hotter and that he only stayed with her because she needed someone LOL. so messed up. but anyways…
this whole situation caused me to spiral and almost attempt suicide. i ended my relationship as well but that wasn’t as painful as losing my best friend …. i’ve never felt a pain like that before. it hurt so much. and it still does hurt to think about. i ended up in the psych ward 3 months after my best friend blocked me. i’ve been different ever since.
the third girl i mentioned is now cool with me and we are on good terms. she apologized for engaging with them and talking to them. she assured me that what they did was wrong and i never did anything wrong in my friend ship with my best friend.
did i do something wrong? it’s been 4 years now and i still wonder what i could’ve done different.
i live in a different state and im in a great relationship now and life is great but i still miss having a close friend like that. no friendship will ever compare to the one i had with her ….
please tell me if you think i did something wrong i really want to know.
it’s eating away at me again …
***this all happened 4 years ago but she did reach out to me about 2 years ago from her dads facebook letting me know that he passed away since he really liked me a lot and i did talk to him every so often and when i would visit and take them food. it was kind of her to do that but the extent of the conversation was just that he loved me and that she wanted to let me know because he would want that. that broke me even further that she knew her family liked me yet chose to leave me anyway.

My wife (31F) gave birth around two weeks ago (normally), but had to be cut a little for the baby to come out and stitched afterwards, her blood tests after birth where normal with HGB being low at around 100 g/L. Yesterday she went for another blood test and it came out with almost the same results but her thrombocytes/PLT being a bit high 529 (referral being 130-440 g/L). Her doctor says it must be a mistake from the clinic but she is concerned. I've attached the results from her last test, sorry for it being in Bulgarian but there are also English names for each result.
https://imgur.com/JS8O3Wl

After giving birth to daughter 3 yrs ago, my wife had trouble regaining a regular ovulation/menstrual cycle. She took birth control pills that didn’t help for about 9 months and has now been off of them for ~16 months (we use condom).
In the past year, she has been gaining weight (~10 kgs in 1 yr) and has had bouts of irregular periods (example today, 12 days after last period). Also, she is constantly feeling fatigued, depressed and anxious. Sometimes (2x a month) she will have nausea and constipation. She eats okay (similar to before pregnancy) and tries to exercise / walk though maybe only does 1x/week. Stress has been high since we had daughter.
As she has not been feeling well, she has seen some doctors but everything comes back normal: basic blood test came all normal in parameters (below), pap smear in december all normal and mamogram in oct’23 all clear too. We think it might be some hormonal imbalance but doctors can’t really say and just point her to more exercise. Is there some test we are missing that would improve diagnostics?
Blood test on 5/14: Triglericds: 59 mg/dl. ; Total cholesterol: 178 mg/dl ; HOMA insulin resistance: 0.8 ; Sodium: 139 mmol/l ; Potasium: 4.3 mmol/l ; TSH: 1.71 ul/ml ; hemoglobin A1c: 5.4% ;
Only things that are out of range: Vitamin D - 28.1 ng/ml ; CHCM (red blood): 35.4 g/d

I have been having scary dreams since the past two weeks. Here are the two prominent ones that I remember: 1. It was my birthday and I was cutting a cake with everyone that I love, everyone was happy but suddenly I heard voices in my head, and they did not seem natural, those voices were in gibberish but they made me scream and i could we the same happening to everyone around me, they were screaming and crying, and I could see blood tears coming out of their eyes. 2. It was a short dream but it was very realistic, I couldn't sleep the whole night after that, I was walking around the road, probably taking a job and a white dog, full of dirt came and bit my whole hand, and began biting my head, I knew it was a dream the moment this happened but I couldn't wake up at all, it was like I was being forced to stay asleep and witness all the pain. Now, I am not someone who gets scared that easily but this has been troubling me a lot. Can anyone tell me what do these dreams mean? And if they have any connection with the supernatural world if it exists?

So far I think everyone thought Celphius's birth mom came into the family to start some drama or for ulterior motives. But so far I can tell she(the birth mom) really wanted to warn sasha (Pereshati) about the family secret in case sasha didn't know. Which she(the birth mom) later confirms in ch 107.
Now, it's quite easy to liable her a villain in the story. As, she never cared for celphi after his birth. But If you see it from her perspective, this family roped her in the family curse but I can not blame the family here cus in ch 107 she confirms her husband already told her about the family curse and gave her a choses. So, I blame the family after her husband's death. Not to mention the family constantly spying on her so that she does not spill the family secret can be damn exhausting.
It is evident that after her husband's death she was mistered by the other family member hence her commenting "That family views wives as a tool for off spring". Then after her divorce I don't think the family gave her enough money as she lives in quite a shabby place despite being a former duchess. Her persuading sasha to get out of this marriage before she gets pregnant could be a revenge from her side but I don't fully trust that theory.
But blaming the entire family is not right either. I believe most people who did her wrong are the family members from pervious generation. From flash back we can see that the previous grand duke is the reason that the family curse increased so much, He wanted nothing but to use his family blood as weapon. But in present family is trying their best to break this generational curse not to mention they are also suffering from it.
Therdeo and his family constantly dodging the question doesn't make the situation any better. I do wanna give them the benefit of the doubt they are still not ready to tell her the whole truth.
Many people think that theo is kinda going the yandere route because of the way he looks at her the last few chs. But to me it feels more like anxiety and fear that she will believe the mom.
Now after ch 108 I am just left with more questions rather then answers. The last scene of her looking at theo and saying "Die", theo looking back at her (kinda sinister) , her not wanting to meet with sasha and the breakdown all just left with so many question marks. When she said sasha that she really wanted to see celphi in the castle that day so she brought his pictures(I am assuming) she would not even hear her out .
After ep 108 I can't really tell who the villain is anymore. maybe no body is the villain? maybe both sides are the sufferers for the mistakes and wrong doing of the duke's previous generation? You guys let me know what you think.

Chapter 1
Mors
An endless void, silence interlaid with its pitch-darkness, greeted an injured man. No light can be seen, sensations be damned, and consciousness spread thin as though taut in this incomprehensive expanse that laid before him.
Callum fell into the abyss, his mind the only thing left to accompany him. He hasn’t even counted the minutes as his mind is plagued by something else. He never considered himself a man of interest, only scraping by with his odd jobs and part-time salaries, hence why he couldn’t understand his current situation.
Betrayal is something that he is familiar with, whether it be a betrayal of his expectations when a co-worker broke his promise or a betrayal of his emotions when his first love interest cheated on him back in uni. However, this betrayal orchestrated by his best friend whom he’d known for 5 years, and girlfriend for 8 years felt more gut-wrenching than the pain he felt from the stab.
Denial was the first thing that stormed his mind. He couldn’t believe that the two closest people in his life would stab him in the back, literally. There was no build-up, he didn’t suspect a thing, and everything was normal until he found steel in his flesh.
He rejected the notion that his girlfriend, Catherine, would betray him like this, an accomplice to a murder that he can’t grasp the motive of. He has built up some savings, but it isn’t something that would be worth murdering someone for, especially after buying that ring.
He dismissed the thought of Jake being jealous of their relationship as he couldn’t see the guy doing something as stupid as this. He can’t form any rhyme or reason as to why they would do it, and the only possible explanation is that this was all a dream and he was actually still sleeping inside the tent.
But as he waited for himself to wake from this nightmare, only darkness greeted him. He had tried moving his body in this sea of blackness, but the movement only felt like going through molasses with tired arms, which is why he attributed this as being only a dream that he would wake up from, which appeared to be wrong as he waited and waited.
Anxiety crept in as he tried to call out, but no sound escaped his lips. He strained his voice to be heard, yet he can't even hear himself. No light adorned this place, no wind to be heard, and he couldn’t feel anything even though he tried feeling himself.
The pain in his back was forgotten as he tried and tried to move, to scream, to flail senselessly, amounting to nothing as he was greeted by nothing.
Feeling anything in this void is something impossible, and the only thing that he can do is return to his mindscape.
He went back to his oldest memories, back to a time when everything felt oppressive and suffocating. Callum was born into a broken family. His mother and father had gone through a divorce when he was only 6 years old. He could still remember the screaming and yelling of his parents whenever night fell in their sorry state of an apartment.
His father, Eric, having not finished his education after Callum’s birth, has been living as a blue-collar worker in downtown New Jersey. Even during his day-offs, he can’t seem to find rest as he goes to do odd jobs and part-time work to stay afloat. On the other hand, his mother would leave him, a toddler, alone in the apartment.
He remembered her putting CDs in a DVD player so that it could keep his attention on a cartoon that his father introduced him to. If he had anything to describe his mother, she would be irresponsible and narcissistic. She would sometimes bring guys over to their apartment, threatening Callum with divorce if he ever told Eric about it, hence why it took several years until his dad caught on and filed for a divorce.
Eric was determined to take Callum with him, he argues that he could take care of his child better than Callum’s mother. But his mother and her twisted pride can’t let go of Callum, which leads to a legal dispute between the two.
The court hearings went on for several months, with each passing day being a lot more hellish for Callum. He was subjected to further insults by his mother as she knew that leaving bruises on her child would lower her chances of winning over the court to her side. Sometimes, she would go as far as manipulate him, gaslighting him into believing that she was a good mother who would take care of him better than his father. But after seeing that the court favors Eric’s side more, his mother took drastic measures to satisfy her wounded pride.
It was the second to the last day of the court hearing, and it was during this time that his father was working overtime. Callum had just gone home from his elementary school, feeling tired as he hauled his bag over his shoulders up the multiple flights of stairs he had to climb to get to their apartment.
As he neared his home, he steeled himself and opened the door, only to be met with overturned tables and broken ceramics. He walked quietly through the scene, afraid that someone might hear him entering his home. Looking back on it now, Calum can’t help himself but laugh at his stupidity. He could have gone and alerted their neighbors, or gone back downstairs to wait for his father, but being a child, Callum doesn’t know what to do.
As he entered his room, he saw black words spray painted on the walls, the meaning eluding him as he didn’t know what it meant since he was 7 at the time, but remembering it now sent shivers down his spine.
The words “This is what you get!” on a torn wallpaper are ingrained in his mind. Seeing the manic letters sprayed over the walls gave Callum anxiety, taking a few steps back towards the open front door of their apartment. Escape was now on his mind as he grew scared of what was to come, something that was far too late as he heard his mother behind him.
It was there that everything turned into a blur. He remembered snippets of yelling and crying both from himself and his mother. He remembered his mother forcing something down his throat. He remembered his father coming home early that day and restraining his mother, a crazy look in her eyes. He remembered the feeling of nausea and the floor colored with his lunch. And he remembered the sirens, red and blue lights dancing in his vision as he was carried to a stretcher. The last thing he remembered was his father crying, holding his hands tightly when he opened his tired eyes.
For the next few days, he learned from the news that his mother attempted a double suicide. The story goes, after losing the custody battle, the mother planned to take revenge by ending the lives of both her child and herself. They said that he got lucky as the neighbors had contacted Eric when his mother turned their home upside down, relating it to a possible home invasion. If not for him, Callum would have died from nicotine poisoning after his mother forced tobacco down his gullet, a morbid story that he uses as a joke during his time at work.
He remembered being inside that hospital for days on end, his body recovering from the poison his mother left him with, and his father was there almost every day even though he had to work to pay the hospital bills. After what felt like forever was he allowed to be discharged, going back to the same refurbished apartment that they lived in, but after seeing how Callum had recurring nightmares and trauma attached to the place, they decided to move to Pennsylvania. A hard decision that needed to be made as his father would put it.
Everything after the whole incident was better for Callum. His father got a job as a mover, still doing some part-time work here and there, and Callum did his best in school so as not to burden his father with more work. Even though they lived in a rundown shack handed to them by one of the locals, they didn’t mind as they knew that getting to live at all was better than what they had before.
Callum smiled in the abyss as he reminisced about his time with his father. He was a great man, a good role model for anyone who came across him. He is kind-hearted and considerate, a hard worker that makes him popular among his peers. It was them that helped move him and his father out of New Jersey and found them a place to sleep in, teaching Callum that socializing and connecting with like-minded people goes a long way when someone needs it.
For the next few years, Callum lived happily. Though there were some ups and downs, he and his father got through it, which is why the memory of his time in university was depressing.
Eric, after having saved some money, gave Callum the go-ahead to enroll in a university in California. But after attaining an athletic scholarship in football, Callum gave his father a surprise to ease his worries and stress. Callum felt bad every time he saw his father work, hence why he tried his hardest to take some of that workload to give him a break. With the tuition being lowered with the scholarship, Callum could give the rest of the money back to his dad. A gesture that was fully gratified as his father had a hard time letting him go when the time came to move over to the university. But it was during this time that tragedy struck.
It was his fourth year in studying anthropology when he heard the news from one of his father’s friends, Robby. After hearing it, he grew distressed and worried, taking a lot of convincing from Robby to keep Callum from moving back to Pennsylvania.
His father has gone missing. The news had spread amongst his co-workers and friends, and a search team was already being dispatched to find him. Even though Callum tried to keep his focus on studying, he couldn’t help but feel agitated as days went by without news of his father being seen. His mental state plummeted, and he grew withdrawn from reality as days turned to weeks, his father still gone.
He could still remember the times when he locked himself in the school’s library, searching the web to find any news or reports of his father's whereabouts, but as he searched for days on end, only one thing kept popping up from the newsletters. His father, Eric Hurst Foster, went missing in his own home. There were no struggles in the house, the CCTV didn’t see him on any of the roads or stores in the town they lived in, he just seemed to have vanished into thin air.
The news ate away at Callum, and his friends that he’d made during the time gave their support to keep him from spiraling out of control. However, even with their support, Callum’s worries over his dad never went away, hence why he threw himself into work. Going to part-time jobs and studying is the only way to keep his mind from blowing. He did this until he finished university and found a job to stay afloat.
This went on for years until he’s come to accept that his father may never be found. With nothing to ground him in their old home, he decided to explore the world, thinking that one day, he might find a lead to the whereabouts of his dad.
Months turned to years as he worked tirelessly in multiple jobs. From being a mechanic, electrician, cook, waiter, and many more to count, Callum went on a work frenzy. He made a plan to scour the states as a freelancer, living in his BMW pick-up truck that was given to him by one of his friends. He stayed in each state for a few months, meeting new people and making some friends along the way. They sent their well wishes to Callum as they knew that he was still trying to find his missing father.
Years went by as he made his way back to California. He had gone and explored every state, and yet no news of his father came to light. The case had gone cold, and it was up to Callum to find any clues to this mystery. His mind has told him to give up the search, and multiple friends have given him consolation as they knew that his father would never be found, but Callum persevered.
It was during this time that he found himself as a mover, the same job that his father had before he disappeared. He had just come back to California after getting the job, and he was about to go check in for his first day when a sudden downpour of rain covered the skies of the city. It was only coincidental that he was near that coffee shop, and it was coincidental that only two customers were present there. He and his future girlfriend turned accomplice to his murder.
The rest of his memories went by as he continued to float in the abyss. From the time of their first years in a relationship to meeting Jake for the first time in that apartment to when he taught PE and History in a school in Minnesota. Everything went by as Callum went from one memory to another until he felt something.
A chill ran down his spine as an indescribable dread manifested in his mind. He knew not why he felt this way, and he felt himself tearing at the seams as a slit of light showed itself in the void. He was then pulled into the light, senses coming back after he spent his time in the abyss for what felt like days. And with a flash, he is back in the same hunched-over position he was in when he was stabbed in the back.
Callum can’t help but laugh as he finally could see again. Trees surrounded his vision, with wild grass carpeting the ground. But before he could truly see the world, he felt a sharp pain in his back. With his body remembering that he was injured, he felt himself sweat profusely as he bled, painting the flowers under him red. And yet he didn’t panic.
After all that time reminiscing, he finally gave in and let death come to him. He fell on his back, sending another wave of pain coursing through his body, cursing under his breath as he regretted not laying himself down slowly. And as he looked to the sky, he felt himself getting colder and colder.
Callum felt at peace as he stared at the clouds above him. The sound of the wind and the rustling of leaves helped him come to terms that he was truly dying. He’d thought about death a lot. During his time when he was a kid, and when he was depressed after his father went missing. But the peace he felt for only a few moments as emotions came crashing down.
He felt himself tear up as he came to terms with his current situation. He would never have a chance to marry the girl in his life. He would never have a chance to have his own children and see them grow. He would never have a chance to be a father. And he would never have a chance to grow old with the people he loved around him.
As he thought of these things, the floodgates opened. Streams of tears fell down his cheeks as he sobbed in his dying state. He could only put his hands over his eyes to stop it from flowing, an action that felt challenging as his body became fatigued from all the blood loss. The crying only hastened his death as he felt his breath escape him, his lungs labored and filled with blood as the stab had punctured it.
Minutes went by as Callum felt himself grow tired and tired. And as he closed his eyes, Callum’s heart slowed and slowed as his body has a lack of blood to pump. His breathing grew shallower with each second until his body gave way and stopped altogether.
Callum died at the age of 34, stabbed in the back by his best friend with his girlfriend being an accomplice for his murder. He died from blood loss as his body colored the ground red.
Callum waited and waited to feel his consciousness fade as he welcomed death to greet him. And as the second grew…
'…Wait.'
His consciousness never faded away.

Warning, very long and confusing post ahead:
On 4/20 I found out im pregnant with my second, after taking a test at home. (first is now 8, almost 9). Without all the details, I am not in the same place mentally, emotionally, etc that I was while pregnant with my first. I was younger and not in a healthy relationship, but I did have more help from friends and family, and financially I was in a better place. I was scared then too, but no where near as unprepared and scared as I was finding out this time. Of course I’d hoped I would be in a better position in life and stronger and better and all the things.. if I ever had another child, but to put it lightly, life throws curveballs, and all that… and the last two years especially, taught me that life is not a linear, continually uphill path. There will be some tumbling back down and starting over… so to speak. So without going on and on, I ended up deciding to seek help with figuring out what I wanted to do because I was very unsure.
my periods have been irregular for well over a year, I had attributed it to stress. I only took a test because I had some symptoms, I’m not on birth control, so I knew it was a possibility. (please refrain from judging/ lecturing. The how and why is very complicated, and this story is going to be long enough.. and I’m doing what I need to, to address it all) but I wasn’t doing a great job of tracking anything and I’m embarrassed to say I wasn’t and am still not exactly sure how far along I might be. I had routine care while I was pregnant with my first, but found out early, because my period was like clockwork then, so 2 days late I had tested positive. I went to one of the only places available in my area at the time, and I didn’t have a great experience, but I also didn’t really question whether I was going to go through with the pregnancy, and just went straight to prenatal care. I had blood testing done finding out I was 3-4 weeks initially, and then a normal ultrasound at 8 weeks, and regularly from then on.
So this was my first experience with abortion/ family planning clinics and my first time being unsure of when I actually got pregnant, which left me both nervous and driving myself insane with scenarios. And the other stress in my life is just amplifying it.
The day of my appointment (4/29) I was running late and so I called to let them know. I quickly googled the number of the place, when I realized I couldn’t find it in my phone, from scheduling it the week before. A woman answered, she was friendly but told me I wasn’t in their system or scheduled for that day. I quickly realized I called the wrong number, and started to apologize. The two clinics are on the same street. She was still being very nice and started telling me they could see me anyway, that day, and even started saying they could do an ultrasound if I wanted, I didn’t even need to worry about having insurance. I said no thank you. I was suspicious, but not fully aware yet of who I had even accidentally called. I told her no thank you and-hurried and called the correct office, that I had initially booked an appt with. they were overbooked that day as it was, and apologized, but they couldn’t push my appt any later and had to reschedule for a couple days later.
My anxiety, and desperation to get some answers, coupled with pressure on myself and stress, led me to call the other clinic, back.
They were happy to get me in, and I showed up. I started putting pieces together on the way over, and confirmed my suspicions when I walked in and saw the Bible verses on the walls. I started to change my mind and was preparing myself to leave but started convincing myself maybe these clinics weren’t as corrupt as I had heard, and that maybe the horror stories were just that. Maybe I was being dramatic, I was just stressed, these women were nice, etc blah blah
They asked for a urine sample and the woman who introduced herself as a nurse and another woman, appeared, but didn’t introduce herself, and had me sit in a room, them across from me, like an interview. They had notepads and internally I start freaking out at this point and I am about to get up and leave because everything now feels incredibly off, but the woman asks if I took a home test, I say yes. She looks at me , smiling “How did you feel, when you saw that positive test.?” I was already visibly nervous and upset at that point and so when she asked that it felt very invasive. I started to explain that I wasn’t oblivious to what they were doing and said I’d like them to stop. They backed off some and started back tracking, asking if I wanted to just get the ultrasound done, for my peace of mind. I definitely should have left, but like I said, my headspace was STRESSED and extremely anxious and I just WANTED to KNOW something. It didn’t even occur to me they might lie about what was on the ultrasound, or anything. I don’t know why it didn’t, but I know I wasn’t thinking clearly at all, and while I had started accepting that they would pressure me into keeping the pregnancy, I started trying to rationalize that I didnt think it was legal for them to do an ultrasound, a medical exam, if they weren’t qualified to do so?…. I still have so many questions and didn’t realize how little I knew about my own rights, and the legal aspects surrounding these things, until now.
I was showed a screen, (not the one the nurse used, she kept that turned to get the entire time) and showed me a normal enough seeming ultrasound. She did one on my stomach and one internally. I didn’t see a noticeable baby, just a sac… I did think I saw flickering, like when I saw my firsts heartbeat, at one point, but she moved the wand away and didn’t speak almost the entire time, never pointing anything out. I know this sounds so stupid but I assumed it was another organ? Or glitching maybe I don’t know…she apologized for being quiet, said she “had to concentrate.” She finally tells me what feels like 5 years later, I look to be 5 weeks 0 days. I take her word for it. I’m pretty overwhelmed. The other woman, (counselor, nurse, stranger????) was in the room the entire time, sitting behind me. Again I’m realizing how absurd this is now that I’m replaying it, and I’m mortified, but it happened and now here I am. Looking back they were uncomfortably quiet, and offered no reassurance really. But then as I’m preparing to leave, while I’m just going through the motions and lost in my thoughts, they tell me they want to try to hear the heartbeat next week, they’re sure they’ll be able to then. They’re almost like, giddy, lose any air of “professionalism” and hand me a box wrapped in a pink bow, that I opened at home and found out had a newborn onesie inside, that said “best gift ever.”
I’m still reeling. This was 2 Weeks ago. I’m upset. I feel stupid. I’m confused and feel like I was taken advantage of, in a way. And worst of all, I am now second guessing everything I thought I “found out.” The ultrasound picture they gave me, was cut off at the top. There is no date, time, name or gestational weeks.. I didn’t go to the follow up appointment, and instead scheduled an appointment with the office I went to for my first pregnancy. But I didn’t tell them what happened or that i had an ultrasound done already, I just told them the date of the positive test, and last suspected period. (Even though, with suspicious clinic saying 5 Weeks- that would mean I had a “period” after I was already pregnant- which is what led me to wonder if I was further along) couldn’t get me in until next week, when, if I go off of the ultrasound, would make me 9 weeks. Normal timing to be seen but I have been on a mental rollercoaster.
I feel like I’ve “popped” this past week, I have a noticeable bump, and everything just feels very off. I have been so depressed and confused I haven’t tried to get any help sooner because I’m just ashamed. But it is worrying me to death that maybe they lied, and my ultrasound was a fake, and I’ve now waited too long to have a choice. I think I decided I want to go through with this anyway, but I now wonder how much of my decision is being influenced by what happened? Pregnancy hormones are already difficult, my life has been chaos and while I think I’m making the decision based on my own choice, I’m not sure I can even trust myself and my decision making anymore after all this confusion… I really need any advice, guidance, support I don’t know. Am I being paranoid? Am I losing it? Is it unlikely a pro life clinic would really go that far?… I’m under too much stress to know what may just be me overreacting, and what is genuinely a concern, and what to do about it all either way. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you

Anyone else experience awful anxiety cause of costo?
The constant pain in chest, sometimes pain while breathing, sometimes shallow breaths, all make me think there's something seriously wrong with me (like E.R. wrong), which puts me in a total negative feedback loop that's near impossible to shut off, even after doing various medical tests.
My anxiety tends to be worse at night before bed, and makes it hard to sleep.
I find the symptoms to be very distracting -- its much harder for me to focus, hard to be social, hard to relax, drinking creates flare ups (so I go out with friends less), hard to maintain my normal positive attitude, etc.
There are incremental improvements and breaks, but a flare up makes it seem like this will never go away. Its been four months for me, not long in the grand scheme of things -- I see some people on the board have had this much longer. But even this four months, its hard to remember life without this constant sensation.
Since I didn't known of costo until recently, I've only been on the back pod for a bit over a week. I'm optimistic things will improve now that I'm using that twice a day, but right now is no fun.
Of course, I'm ***very*** happy and grateful that echo and blood tests and x ray came out fine -- I feel extraordinarily grateful for that, don't get me wrong. But the anxiety is rough; and part of it is of course that the pain makes it hard to believe its inflammation and not something worse.
I had never heard of costochondritis until recently; and it does seem to make sense, especially since it hurts to even touch my chest or ribs; but its hard with this pain not to believe something worse isn't going on ... The doctor thinks its either that or GERD -- I'm personally guessing costo due to pressing on the chest.
Anyway, reading the threads on this page calms my nerves, so I just wanted to check in and see if anyone has any advice for when they feel super anxious and are spiraling or scared.
I live alone, which I've always preferred, but its a bit different when feeling nervous about health lol. If I didn't travel for work I'd get a dog or something to help me chill the f out. Thanks for reading -- and thanks everyone for the posts and for creating a comforting community around this.

I’m 39 weeks and my pregnancy has been pretty smooth and uneventful. I can still feel the baby move inside and sometimes I get lightning crotch, but I’m getting worried about not feeling any cramping or BH contractions at all. I haven’t had any blood spotting or pain and my discharge coloconsistency is still normal. No gestational diabetes either.
Nothing appears to be wrong but I’m 39 weeks and there’s been nothing! Is it because I’m not that active? I’ve been going to work up until this past Friday at a desk job, but I’m overweight and not physically active. I’m still able to do things, lift, squat, move around freely. The only mild discomfort is when sitting down for too long and my pelvic girdle feels a little sore but that goes away in a couple minutes after standing/walking.
It doesn’t help that I’ve come across other posts where the mom reached 39-41 weeks, gave birth, and then the baby couldn’t survive due to complications. What if that happens to me? Everything is normal/fine, and then baby doesn’t survive.
My next OB appointment is in a few days, but I’m getting anxious that something will go wrong because I’ve had such an easy pregnancy as FTM.

[34][F][5'9''][BMI 33][White][GI issues]
PMH includes high Prolactin (45-80ng range), as well as something on my anterior pituitary that may or may not be a cyst, IBS, depression.
Current medications: Welbutrin, trazodone, fish oil, fiber tablets, multivitamin
Social history: don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs
History:
I've had releasing/remitting GI issues for years. I was told it is IBS. It may be, no reason to think it's not.
The past year I've had extreme weight gain (without medication change) of almost 40lbs. Was tested for cushings, cortisol came back normal under 50 with mightnight salivary test. Was told I just overeat. OK fair.
Thyroid tests are fine as of four months ago. TSH is upper limit of ideal but still within normal limits.
Labs for the past six months have shown persist borderline low or low sodium levels despite making sure I have enough dietary sodium. I have never had an issue with my sodium levels prior to this. I crave salt all the time, to the point where sometimes I just take tablespoons of soy sauce. I add salt to my water when I drink it. HDL is low for the first time in my life, LDL/triglycerides are fine. A few months ago my CO2 and sodium were both low with a normal happy anion gap. Neutrophils are often in the 65-75% range. The doctor hasn't been concerned by any of it. I always feel sick (lethargic, GI distress) when I go in/have this blood work done so it's associated with symptoms. I never have any fevers.
Four days ago I had yellow diarrhea. Two days ago it became yellow normal stool but with extreme gastric distension-- I looked four months pregnant. This was accompanied by nausea and lack of appetite. I dry heaved a few times and when I bent over I can feel gastric contents coming up into my throat. However, I never vomited and the diarrhea was only two bouts. I get full very quickly. I also noticed two red lines in my stomach that look veined patterned.
I went to urgent care yesterday and they said I a visible fluid wave but it didn't travel all the way across. They said labs wouldn't come back until tomorrow so I agreed to just wait and see which somehow got entered as me refusing blood work. Today I had a fever of 100.5 which was measured an hour after taking two extra strength Tylenol for a severe headache. Still no appetite although I can eat without throwing up. (I ate a bar of chocolate this morning.) I went back to urgent care, at which time they told me I no longer had a fever and everything on me appeared normal.
They did blood work and an URQ ultrasound. Ultrasound is clear but a big boi for a woman at 16.2cm length. Three yeras ago it was measured at 19cm so this isn't new. Bloodwork was unremarkable except for low chloride (97), borderline low sodium (136) and a borderline high anion gap at 19 (20 is upper limit of normal.) Neutrophils are slightly elevated at 67.1%.
Here's a link to today's labs: https://imgur.com/a/lSRwZSg
Here's a link to some labs that were done in March when I felt sick: https://imgur.com/a/yXCpT67
Significantly, creatine is happy, AST/ALT happy, lipase is happy, white/red blood cells are happy.
But I still feel like something is wrong. I feel sick. I have a fever. I don't understand why I have persistent hyponatremia/borderline hyponatremia, the low chloride is totally new (it was 7 points higher just a few months ago), and my anion gap at 19 is an outlier, historically speaking. I don't understand why my neutrophils are often elevated. The only differential I can come up with is something like Addison's Disease which hasn't be completely ruled out with the cortisol test but I have high blood pressure which doesn't fit at all.
Thank you.

This is a bit of a novel but I wanted to share my experience with my medical abortion, since I hunted so desperately for similar this time last week.

I have some time stamps with the meds/experience farther down if you want to scroll past this stuff. I’ll put it all in bold.

Period late 2 days. Found out I was pregnant last Sunday. My health insurance is in a gap rn so had to pay out of pocket. I was able to get it online. I ordered my two pills from ABuzz, they have a sliding scale if needed be and I had my pills by Wednesday. (Misoprostole and Mifeprostone) They sent all of the information needed and were very helpful. (Came with 1 Mife & 12 Miso)
(In between this, I did go to my clinic out of sheer nervousness and was basically told since my plan was abortion, they wouldn’t give an ultrasound unless it was far later along and I had intentions of keeping or had complications present. Nor would they help me go through with it. I really wasn’t willing to risk this, so I took a blood test that they had offered so I could get my HCG levels. It confirmed I was anywhere from about 4-8 weeks. They recommended I ask planned parenthood for advice/an ultrasound. The soonest ultrasound with PP was about 3.5/4 weeks from then, so ultimately I just chose to trust the HCG levels my primary care clinic provided.)
Fast forward a few days and it’s Friday & I was off work early, so I took the one Mifeprostone at 3p. I continued to run errands. I have a pretty shitty fear of vomiting so I took some Dramamine around 5pm. (I had a zofran script from my primary care doctor but it was sent to the wrong address, so I never received it) I experienced some very mild nausea and hot flash, but I had assumed it was anxiety. Other than this, I was completely fine with no side effects. Enjoyed a night out with friends.
The next day, I ran my errands and got some additional things I may of needed like Gatorade and some extra pads. I experienced some light cramping around 2pm. I was planning to take my 4 misoprostole after 3p (24 hours later), so I took 800mg of ibuprofen at about 3pm. Plans changed so I waited a bit longer, so it probably wasn’t necessary to even take the ibuprofen. I took some Dramamine about 6pm, because I planned to take the miso at 7. Started to spot while wiping at about 6:30pm. I made sure I ate, but again I have a fear of puking so I did safer foods for me like a light noodle soup, butter pasta, apple sauce and sweet potato fries.
Continued spotting when wiping until 8pm.
Saturday, At 8:10pm, I Inserted 4 misoprostole vaginally. Took Tylenol, smoked a tiny bit of weed, laid on couch with heating blanket immediately and started a new show.
Hour 1, 9:10pm, some light cramping, almost felt like the kind when you have to poop.
Hour 2, 10:10pm, tired so took a nap.
Hour 3, 11:10pm, woke up from nap a few minutes after this with some heavier cramping but nothing unmanageable. Went to toilet for first time. When sitting on toilet cramping started back up and I became nauseous and weak. Nearly fainted. I have a history of fainting when pain amps up like this. It’s nothing new, but I just laid down on the bathroom floor. I was in and out of talking to my partner. I dry heaved after about 15 minutes of just laying low and sipping some of my Gatorade. Took Dramamine. Sat on toilet after. Felt a bit better. Still cramping heavily. Loose stool. A dull pain still. Used the bathroom probably about 3x, blood poured out and I also had loose bowel movements every time.
Hour 4, 12:10am, Was still awake from hour prior when I woke up from nap. I took Tylenol at this time. I moved from the couch to our bedroom and went to lay down. As I was walking I became nauseous again, sat down and threw up quite a bit this time. As soon as I felt like I had everything out I was able to sip on some water and lay down. I immediately felt better and laid back down for bed. Put heating pad on my stomach and went to bed. assuming this is when the pregnancy had passed
Hour 11, woke up at 7:30 am, Felt like a million bucks, some light cramping but I slept with the heating pad on me. Went to the bathroom, took 800mg of ibuprofen as a precaution and laid back down. Was lethargic but just watched some tv in bed and hydrated.
Hour 13, 9:30 am, by this time I was up and moving, I could feel blood pouring out of me but the pad was a god send. I ate light food, just crepes and some apple sauce. No nausea thankfully, light cramping.
12pm, about 16 hours later, felt much better. Was still bleeding a bit, but the maxi pad and/or period underwear have been helpful. Lounged around in zero pain.
17-21 hrs later, I ran errands between 1-5pm and just could noticeably feel a large amount of blood pouring out of me when moving.
24 hrs later, 8:30pm, went for a walk around our neighborhood with my S/O and our dogs. No pain at all. I began my birth control again at this time and took that pill.
36 hr, bleeding is lighter, more intermittent but still a heavier flow. Some cramping. Went to work.
48 hr, bleeding like a normal but heavier side of period. Birth control again.
I will say, the only clot I saw was the size of a grain of rice. There was too much blood to make anything out. It was a quick process. Definitely uncomfortable, but nothing unmanageable. The nausea was the worst part for me and it had a very quick onset and was over with quickly. I felt relief after vomiting. Realistically I slept for most of it and the “worst” was brief.
My takeaways from this was really to have someone there if you can. I really don’t like having people around me when in pain or uncomfortable, but it was a god send.
Also, as someone who never uses pads, it was very difficult for me to do so. I found that the disposable period underwear was really helpful. Basically is the same concept as a diaper but shhhh. It was amazing. The larger, more absorbent maxi pads are good too.
Having pain reliever, an anti nausea and a heating pad on hand was also great.
And having snacks that I knew were safe for me to throw up if it happened, which it doesn’t happen for everyone, was super helpful too. Usually I keep some sugary stuff like a Gatorade or apple sauce to keep my blood sugar up but that’s just from my own experience. I believe it’s a side effect from one of the 2 medications and it’s something I already deal with so it was just nice to have a variety on hand in case.
Anyways. That’s the novel. My medical abortion was actually a much more pleasant experience than I had imagined.
I hope this helps in some way! Best of luck with your choices. If you have any questions just let me know, I’d be happy to answer to the best of my ability.

My (33f) husband (34m) and I have a happy married life with our two dogs (2.5 and 4.5). They are our babies. I work from home so I spend 24/7 with them. I’ve been on/off the fence about having a child. I still try to outweigh the negative and positives. As you know, there’s a lot of factors. But the one HUGE negative I see is the possibility of changing the way I feel and see things with my dogs. I don’t ever want them to feel neglected/ change the way I feel for them. I love them so much and they have truly helped me through life. They love me unconditionally and have never left my side. I see a lot of posts in pregnancy subs about new moms “HATING” their dogs after giving birth like wtf? It’s so insane to me and absolutely depressing and gross. It actually makes me tear up thinking about myself feeling that way for my dogs. Some even talk about giving them away and not letting them in house, or where they usually are comfortable in. I don’t ever want to treat them differently or show less love/attention just because a new human came to our lives. For the REAL furmoms here who actually care for their pets, can you guys tell me how you feel about this or if you already have a child, how did it go?

I bought my first home. The day I moved in, I heard the most aggressive screaming I've ever heard in my life. I thought maybe the neighbour was going to kill someone. It was that intense. I called the police who said they'd conduct a welfare check. When they turned up I heard the neighbour scream "I'm going to fucking eat you!!!!" The police left and never got back to me. After the rest of the day full of screaming, I called again and requested to be notified with the outcome. Another welfare check, no call. I called the station and was told that if I wasn't called back in 15 minutes to call again. I did. Nothing. After more back and forth I finally got an answer the next day: The neighbour is schizophrenic and is medicated. There is nothing more that can be done.
The screaming continued all day and all night. This is no exaggeration. Literally all through the day and all through the night. For hours and hours at a time. He would stand in the courtyard right next to my house and scream until he was purple in the face. He would pace back and forth screaming at the voices in his head. I called Barwon Triage. They couldn't help. I called Barwon Health but was told that without a name there is no way for them to look up the individual. They told me to keep annoying the police. The more I called the police, the more they would be forced to do something about it, apparently. So I did. The same thing would happen: they'd ask him to keep the noise down but once they left he'd start screaming at full volume again.
One day, after a month of living there, I got a knock on the door. A lady said "hi, I live next door and I want to apologise for my grandson. He's the one doing all the screaming. I own the house and he lives in the garage out the back. I've been trying to catch you but you're always at work" (I was home every night from 6pm...). I asked her if he was medicated. She replied "he was seeing a group in Corio Village but I'm not sure if he still does. I'm pretty sure he's self medicating as he smokes all day in there. I'm really worried the early learning centre across the road will be able to hear the profanities he yells". I asked if she would be able to find out which group he was seeing so I could call them and see what was going on. She said she would. Weeks passed and I heard nothing. The screaming seemed to get worse. I went into the police department and explained my situation. They said there is nothing they could do and that my only option was to get an intervention order. So I went to the magistrate's court with my application. I was told that there was no point getting an intervention order as the neighbour has a mental illness. They also said that the police send people to get intervention orders when they don't know what to do or don't want to follow something up. "The police absolutely have the power to take an individual in to get assessed but that would involve being responsible for them for the duration of the process, and involves paperwork, both of which they don't want to do". Again I was told to keep annoying the police as they would soon get tired of the welfare check calls and do something about it.
The constant aggressive screaming was really starting to affect my mental and physical health. It didn't matter where I was in the house, it was so loud that I couldn't concentrate. I was constantly stressed. And all of my spare time was spent trying to fix this situation.
I called the police again during another screaming session. I said that something more than a welfare check needed to be done as nothing was changing. They did another welfare check. The officer called me back and said "I've had a word with him and told him to keep it down". I explained that this approach has no effect because he suffers from schizophrenia and as soon as the police leave he starts screaming again. He kept screaming so I called the police again. that's what I was advised to do and I didn't know what else could be done. They didn't care. They didn't do a thing this time.
I contacted the Geelong council and was told there is nothing they can do about it. I contacted the ombudsman, they couldn't do anything about it. I contacted NDIS, they also could do nothing.
I contacted the Corio Police Department again and told them of my situation, how they had wrongly sent me to get an intervention order, and that both Barwon Health and the Magistrate's Court had informed me that the police could definitely do something about this situation. "They're full of it" is the response I got. That's actually what I was told.
I finally saw the lady from next door again as she was getting out of her car. I hadn't wanted to knock on her door as I didn't know how her grandson would act if he answered. I asked her if she'd gotten the information I'd asked for and she shook her head as I noticed her grandson also getting out of the car. I introduced myself. he seemed nice enough but vacant. The grandma said she'd come over in half an hour to give me some jam but it was just an excuse to talk. She came over and asked why I'd called the police. "I asked you to help me get the name of the group that cared for him a month ago". She looked sheepish. "I'm not getting any sleep as he screams all night and it's started to affect my work and health" I said. She said she was so sorry that her grandson was doing this. I said "It's not his fault though, he can't help it", and she said "well, that's not true, he can be very polite and reserved when the police come in". We both agreed that he wasn't getting the help he needs as he was constantly in anguish. I asked for his name and her permission to call Barwon health on her behalf. She was happy to oblige.
I called Barwon Health and gave them his name. They told me that he was getting care at the Corio Community Health Centre and they put me through to them. I told my story to one of the staff there and she said she'd bring it up at the next morning's meeting and to keep calling. She said that the more I called, the more it would be pushed to be actioned.
The second time I called I spoke to his case worker. She was new to this case. They had no idea he was screaming every day. I told her that he might be self medicating. "With THC" she replied. "Oh, so you know he smokes weed?". "We can't officially state that we do or don't". We give him an injection every fortnight". "Well it's not working, or the weed is cancelling it out because he never lets up", I said. "Thanks for letting us know..."
The conversation didn't go anywhere. It was so disheartening.
I just want to say something about my health at this point.
Being subjected to, and anticipating the constant screaming was seriously affecting my well being. He was waking me up at 2, 3, 4, 5 in the morning. My cortisol would spike and I would be on edge for the rest of the day. I wasn't getting more than an hour of sleep a night and was constantly very, very anxious. I was constantly in fight or flight. My heart rate would beat dangerously fast and wouldn't come down for hours, no matter what I did to relax myself. If I tried to nap after a long shift, he would wake me up almost immediately. I practiced the breathing exercises my therapist gave me but my anxiety would override them. Even if I left the house for hours. My chest started hurting at times. I couldn't enjoy anything in the space of my own home. Playing instruments, reading, watching films, playing with my dogs etc. were all ruined by getting drowned out by a screaming schizophrenic. I began forgetting where I was, which my doctor told me was disassociation. She put me on blood pressure medication and prescribed me beta blockers because my blood pressure was so high. I've never had a problem with that before in my life. I really believe my body has been damaged by this.
I kept asking for help and tried to do everything right but although some of the authorities and mental health services were sympathetic, most were dismissive and rude. Being helpless made me pissed off but because I couldn't get out of that situation it just turned into more and more anxiety.
I kept having to call Barwon Health to be put through to the Corio Community Health Centre because at the time they wouldn't give me the name of the centre so I could call myself. One of the Barwon Health staff got angry at me, even though Corio Community Health had told me to keep calling. "Maybe YOU should see YOUR doctor and get a mental health care plan" she said. "I do see a therapist and I had to get medication for the stress this has put me under but I don't see why this is relevant. Why are you being like this?"
The Corio Community Health Centre didn't care. I would call exasperated because I was really not doing well, and their response sounded like they were reading off a sheet. No emotion. I told them I saw them arrive next door to administer the injection and that he screamed immediately after and for the rest of the day. They couldn't have cared less. I asked if I could play a recording to demonstrate what this guy was doing all day. "I mean, if it helps you" was the response.
I contacted two members of parliament and they advised me to contact Legal Aid, and Barwon Legal. Legal Aid couldn't do anything about it, and Barwon Legal seemed pissed off. "What do you want us to do about it?" she snapped. "I was advised to call here from a member of parliament", I answered. "Why don't you get an intervention order?"...
So now I have to sell my house after 6 months. Because it is my first house I will have to pay back the stamp duty and after the sale I'll be lucky to break even. I'm painting my house to put on the market and he screams the whole time. I feel spiteful. I'm losing my house, money, my mental and physical health, and all of my time. I feel I should be compensated, but from who?
Any thoughts or ideas are welcome.
Thanks for listening.

My (33f) husband (34m) and I have a happy married life with our two dogs (2.5 and 4.5). They are our babies. I work from home so I spend 24/7 with them. I’ve been on/off the fence about having a child. I still try to outweigh the negative and positives. However, one HUGE negative I see is the possibility of changing the way I feel and see things with my dogs. I don’t ever want them to feel neglected/ change the way I feel for them. I love them so much and they have truly helped me through life. They love me unconditionally and have never left my side. I see a lot of posts here about new moms “HATING” their dogs after giving birth like wtf? It’s so insane to me and absolutely depressing and gross. It actually makes me tear up thinking about myself feeling that way for my dogs. Some even talk about giving them away and not letting them in house, or where they usually are comfortable in. I don’t ever want to treat them differently or show less love/attention just because a new human came to our lives. For the REAL furmoms here who actually care for their pets, can you guys tell me more about your experience?

Hi everyone! Hopefully I'll be able to get some guidance on where to go from here with this situation. Backstory: my partner, dog, and I have lived at this property in Pierce county, Washington since April 2022, and there have been issues with "stray" cats on the property since a couple months after we moved in. Our lease specifically states all animals must be on a leash when outdoors and that outdoor cats are not allowed and must be kept inside. They have attacked my dog and I while we are out for potty walks multiple times over the years we have lived here, but have never drawn blood until today. We suspect another unit has been feeding and caring for these cats and they are always hanging out by this unit's porch, but are also all over the property. We have been telling our apartment management and reporting it every time we are attacked, and at this point it is 8 times over the 2 years we have been here. We have spoken to animal control and they will not correspond with us because we are not the property owners.
Today: I was taking my dog out for his walk around our normal loop. A tortoiseshell cat and an orange cat happen to be around a corner we were walking around. The orange one ran away and had no interest in us, however, the tortoiseshell one was a cat from hell and went after my dog. My dog is a 70 pound german shepherd and he was actively following my leave it command and moving away from the cat when this was happening, he was not the aggressor and only defended himself when attacked. The cat continued to attack my dog. It did not stop until I got between the cat and my dog and grabbed the cat, in which it turned on me and dug it's claws into me and bit me several times. My arm is shredded, was dripping blood, had to be seen by a doctor and given antibiotics, and because I work with food, I will be missing work for this. My dog thankfully only got a small scratch on his leg.
Directly after this happened, my arm still bloody and this cat has also peed all over my arm during the struggle, I went to my apartment managers office and confronted her about the fact that they have done nothing about these cats while showing her my bloodied hand. A maintenance worker was present for part of this conversation as well. She got defensive and stated that they can't place traps on the property due to liability for danger to kids, that they have no solid proof these people own/are feeding these cats, and that she can't make anyone do anything. Instead of continuing to argue with her, I left and went to urgent care to get my arm cleaned, bandaged, and a course of antibiotics. My partner and I sent a follow up email to her about the incident for a paper trail and also asking for input on a solution, in which she replied with "walking in the road directly to the dog park and back to not disturb animals and residents, and to avoid startling them"
My question: Where do I go from here? I feel that the apartment management has been negligent about this issue, like they're placing blame on me and my dog for cats that aren't even supposed to be here, and I no longer feel safe walking my dog around my own home. I am on medicaid so I'm not concerned about medical bills, but I'm missing work because of this. What is my apartment management responsible for in this situation? Thanks in advance

TLDR: My girlfriend baby trapped me with triplets, do I stay with her for the sake of my baby boys or break up with her and try to co-parent/be a single father
I a 23m am torn between staying with my girlfriend and breaking up with my girlfriend 24f of 2 years because I found out that she baby trapped me. For context my girlfriend is now 6 months pregnant, when I found out she was pregnant I was terrified but then that fear turned to joy and excitement, I was over the moon for weeks, we started looking for a bigger place than my apartment and I started to shop for a ring.
All of this changed when we went in for an ultrasound appointment around the 7 week mark, we found out that we were having TRIPLETS. Immediately the fear and self-doubt started up again, and I started to internally panic and spiral. After a day of panic and spiraling and talking on the phone to my mom for hours and hours, I logged onto my laptop and started to google everything I could think of about high risk multiples pregnancies so that I would have all the information I need to better support my girlfriend, when I noticed that some of these websites had been visited before.
At first I thought nothing of it but then decided well let me piggy back off of the information she found and decided to check the browsing history to see the sites she visited and when I did, I almost lost my mind. All of these previous website visits had been months ago, along with online forums about how to baby trap your guy and all these other ridiculous forums.
I sat there in disbelief for what felt like hours before I decided to confront her about it. I asked her if she had planned to get pregnant and she took the question as if she had ever planned to have kids which I knew she had because we talked about our future and how one day we both wanted a family down the road. After the initial question she just looked at me and asked me if I was okay and I lost it on her.
I accused her of baby trapping me and went off about all the sites and forums i found. After fighting for about 30 minutes she finally admitted that she had stopped her birth control a while ago but to my surprise she had also started "fertility treatments" which apparently increased the odds of conceiving multiples or some shit. We argued some more and she tried to reel me back in with lines like "but look at what a good job you did" or "aren't you proud of what we made together", I told her to go to hell, grabbed all my dogs and went to my parents lake house to be alone for a while and process it all.
She continuously blew up my phone for the few days that I was alone out there until the last day when she showed up at the house and demanded to talk. After talking things out for hours and expressing our feelings I told her that I would get back together for the sake of the babies.
That was around 4 months ago, we have been "making it work" but we don't spend time together like we used to, and we aren't intimate or anything but I think I'm just stuck in limbo. She tries to initiate all of the time but I can't ever bring myself to do anything. She is carrying my babies and I think that is part of the reason that I still have some feelings for her, but even with those feelings, I can't shake the feeling that I should not be in this relationship and how can I ever trust her again after she did this.
Is it worth staying together for the sake of my baby boys... I don't know what to do. I haven't told many people what she did and while I did save the "proof" I found on my laptop and have texts where she admitted what she did if I do ever need it, I just don't want to start more drama especially if we end up staying together, hence why I am here asking internet strangers for advice.
My parents have been helping us out and letting us live at the lake house which we are making modifications to to allow us and the boys to live there full time once they arrive. Some days I want to get as far away from her as possible and other days I just wish things were normal again. What do I do now?

Today's additions are:

• We don't suck, we blow! - Chimneys (Tags: hip hop, jazz, rock, beat, beats, fusion, hip-hop, jazz, rock, samples, Hamburg) [JazzLab]
  
• Haishen - Awaken the Endless Deep (Tags: metal, rock, ambient, post-rock, progressive, Rochester) [Needlejuice]
  
• Vulvodynia - Entabeni (Tags: ) [Unique Leader]
  
• Intervals - memory palace (Tags: metal, progressive, rock, independent, instrumental, prog, Toronto) [Independent]
  
• Oppress. - The Subtle Art of Turning Gold into Shit (Tags: black metal, extreme metal, metal, death metal, United Kingdom) [Independent]
  
• Clæmus - Mercurial (EP) (Tags: metal, experimental rock, progressive metal, Wellington) [Independent]
  
• Francisco Domínguez - Arrosa xuriaren artean (Tags: classical, avant garde, contemporary, electronic, Vitoria Gasteiz) [Ensemble Sinkro]
  
• Markgraf - Hohenbaden (Tags: black metal, heavy metal, metal, Baden Baden) [Independent]
  
• Demersal - Demersal (Tags: metal, hardcore, metallic hardcore, screamo, Odense) [Independent]
  
• yaya bey - Ten Fold (Tags: hip hop, hip-hop, r&b, r&b/soul, rap, soul, Brooklyn) [Big Dada]
  
• Knocked Loose - You Won't Go Before You're Supposed To (Tags: metal, metalcore, beatdown, hardcore, metallic hardcore, numetal, sludge, Louisville) [Pure Noise]
  
• The Tangent - To Follow Polaris (Tags: rock, yes, genesis, prog, prog rock, progressive, progressive rock, van der graaf generator, London) [InsideOut Music]
  
• Sidus Atrum - “Розірване Небо (Torn Sky)” (Tags: female fronted metal, metal, atmospheric, blackened death doom, blackened doom, blackened doom metal, death doom metal, doom metal, ukrainian black metal, ukrainian metal, Kyiv) [Independent]
  
• GOD MOTHER - Sinneseld (Tags: death metal, grindcore, hardcore, metal, power violence, Stockholm) [Independent]
  
• Bab L' Bluz - Swaken (Tags: blues, psychedelic trance, funk, gnawa, Marrakesh) [Real World]
  
• Speed Dealer Moms - Birth Control Pill (Tags: electronic, idm, los angeles, analog, breakcore, breaks, experimental electronic, jungle, leftfield, rave, Winnipeg) [Evar]
  
• EABS - Reflections of Purple Sun (Tags: jazz, jazz fusion, ambient, breakbeat, hip hop, jazz, jazz-funk, poland, spiritual jazz, techno, Wrocław) [Astigmatic]
  
• Vaticinal Rites - Cascading Memories Of Immortality (Tags: brescia, death metal, italy, metal, Brescia) [Everlasting Spew]
  
• Thot - Delta (Tags: rock, industrial rock, noise rock, post-metal, post-punk, post-rock, Brussel) [Pelagic]
  
• Shane Parish - Repertoire (Tags: alternative, fingerpicking, folk guitar, jazz, music, solo guitar, Athens) [Palilalia]
  
• we broke the weather - Restart Game (Tags: boston, rock, garage prog, jazz fusion, math rock, nu-jazz, post-rock, prog rock, progressive rock, psych rock, stoner rock, Somerville) [Independent]
  
• Brad Mehldau - After Bach II (Tags: jazz, classical, genius, piano, piano solo, Amsterdam) [Nonesuch]
  
• Brad Mehldau - Après Fauré (Tags: jazz, classical, genius, piano, piano solo, Amsterdam) [Nonesuch]
  
• Sonus Umbra - Whiteout Hi Res (24 bit) (Tags: progressive rock, rock, Chicago) [Progrock.com's Essentials]
  
• Dälek - Negro Necro Nekros (Tags: hip-hop/rap, hip hop, hip-hop, rap, underground, underground hip hop, Union City) [Ipecac]
  
• Iravu/Mumuksu - Sudra (Tags: atmospheric black metal, black metal, death metal, extreme metal, metal, rabm, ambient, blackened doom, dark ambient, doom metal, red anarchist black metal, Malaysia) [Iravu]
  
• SVNEATR - Never Return (Tags: atmospheric black metal, black metal, blackened death metal, canadian black metal, metal, progressive black metal, Vancouver) [Prosthetic]
  
• SYK - eartHFlesh (Tags: metal, black-metal, death-metal, extreme-metal, groove-metal, progressive, Italy) [Season of Mist]
  
• Yi-Ting Lu - An Unopened Seashell (Tags: bassoon, contemporary classical, guitar, harp, piano, saxophone, New York) [New Focus]
  
• Dreare - Foregone (Tags: metal, drone, instrumental, post-metal, progressive, synth, Czech Republic) [Independent]
  
• Sithu Aye - Kindness (Tags: metal, djent, instrumental, progressive metal, Glasgow) [Independent]
  
• Mountainscape - Iridescent (Tags: blackgaze, metal, instrumental, post-blackmetal, post-metal, post-rock, soundtrack, Reading) [Celestial Diadem]
  
• Ehtëk - Íncst (Tags: atmospheric black metal, black metal, metal, post black metal) [Independent]
  
• no funeral records - Gil Cerrone / Letterbombs Split (Tags: australia, finland, kitchener, on, punk, emo, emoviolence, screamo, skramz, Canada) [Independent]
  
• Eat Your Own Head - The Trawler - EP (Tags: alternative, rock, alternative, grunge, independent music, math rock, math-rock, post-rock, rock, London) [Drongo]
  
• GNAW THEIR TONGUES - Hagetisse - The fountain of fallen stars (Tags: black metal, drone, experimental, Smallingerland) [Independent]
  
• Crystalline Thunderbolts Pierce The Sacred Mountain - Shine Like The Suicidal Madness Of The Sacred Amethyst (Tags: black metal, drone, experimental, Smallingerland) [GNAW THEIR TONGUES]
  
• No Teeth - Decadence In Breeding (Tags: experimental, art rock, experimental rock, garage, noise rock, post-punk, Newcastle Upon Tyne) [Post Post Music]
  
• JOURS PÂLES - DISSOLUTION (Tags: asphodèle, black metal, blackgaze, emotional black metal, french black metal, jours pâles, ladlo, melancolic metal, France) [Les Acteurs de l'ombre]
  
• Atavistia - Inane Ducam (I will lead into nothingness) (Tags: black metal, blackened death metal, death metal, melodic metal, metal, brutal metal, epic metal, melodic death metal, Vancouver) [Independent]
  
• Black Hole Deity - Profane Geometry (Tags: brescia, death metal, italy, metal, tech death metal, brutal death metal, tech death, Brescia) [Everlasting Spew]
  
• olim - Because (Tags: atmospheric black metal, black metal, blackgaze, metal, post black metal, post-black, Greater Sudbury) [Independent]
  
• Bleached Cross - Columns of Impenetrable Light (Tags: punk, darkwave, electronic, experimental, post-punk) [Independent]
  
• Windows96 - Yes Da Da Da (Tags: electronic, chillwave, psychedelic, synthwave, vaporwave, São Paulo) [Independent]
  
• ELECTROMANCER - Enforcer (Tags: thrash metal, 80s, metal, metalcore, instrumental, metal, progressive metal, synthwave, video game music, Australia) [Paul Wardingham]
  
• svrm - Прощання (Tags: black metal, metal, Kharkiv) [Independent]
  
• Chase Elodia - Have, Know, Want (Tags: jazz, indie, jazz, rock, Brooklyn) [Biophilia]
  
• Paradox Rift - Ensnared (Tags: metal, deathmetal, grindcore, melodic death metal, progressive metal, Cleveland) [Independent]
  
• MATTHEW SHIPP - THE DATA (Tags: jazz, matthew shipp, avant garde jazz, avant-garde music, free jazz, improvised music. rogueart, jazz piano, new york jazz, piano, Paris) [RogueArt]
  
• The Rhythm Method - Pastorale (Tags: acoustic, classical, experimental, classical, contemporary classical, experimental, flute, holiday music, new music, post asmr, string quartet, New York) [Independent]
  
• Katt Rán - SÁLA (Tags: alternative, folk, icelandic, nordic, pagan, viking, Delft) [Svart]
  
• John O'Gallagher - Beast (Tags: jazz, alto saxophone, free improv, free jazz, "john ogallagher", modern jazz, nu jazz, spiritual jazz, vinyl, whirlwind recordings, Birmingham) [Whirlwind]
  
• Liturgy - Immortal Life II (Tags: experimental, black metal, Brooklyn) [Independent]
  
• A Night In Texas - Digital Apocalypse (Tags: ) [Unique Leader]
  
• Like Moths To Flames - The Cycles Of Trying To Cope (Tags: metal, metalcore, hardcore, Columbus) [UNFD]
  
• Rendered Helpless - From Nothing Comes All (Tags: death metal, deathcore, doom, metal, progressive, slam, slamming brutal death metal, sludge, Christchurch) [Independent]
  
• Colin Stetson - The love it took to leave you (Tags: experimental, indie, jazz, instrumental, Montréal) [Envision]
  
• Cosmic Jaguar - El Era del Jaguar (Tags: death metal, metal, technical metal, technical thrash metal, thrash metal, avant-garde, progressive metal, world music, Zhytomyr) [Independent]
  
• BALWEZO WESTIJIZ - Tower Of Famine (Tags: black metal, sweden, Kitchener) [Profound Lore]
  
• Cruce Signatus - Cruce Signatus (Tags: dungeon synth, metal, synthwave & darksynth, Milwaukee) [Independent]
  
• Gaylord - Baseball Bats and Butterfly Knives (Tags: grind, grindcore, lgbtq, metal, queer, queercore, antifa, black metal, lgbtq, Canada) [Independent]
  
• Mark Guiliana - MARK (Tags: jazz, rock, electronic, instrumental, jazz and improvised music, Los Angeles) [Edition]
  
• Summoning The Lich - Under The Reviled Throne (Tags: death metal, metal, thrash metal, St. Louis) [Prosthetic]
  
• Houle - Ciel Cendre et Misère Noire (Tags: black metal, death metal, melodic black metal, metal, Paris) [Independent]
  
• Luna Li - When a Thought Grows Wings (Tags: alternative, dreamy, groovy, indie, pop, Los Angeles) [In Real Life]
  
• The Plot In You - Vol. 2 (Tags: alternative, hardcore, metal, metalcore, post-hardcore, rock, Ohio) [Fearless]
  
• Drawn from Ichor - Up Into The Wolfs Jaw (Tags: death metal, metal, Sheffield) [Independent]
  
• TESTO - Marya.Ivan (Tags: idm, world, dub, folklore, jungle, world music, Saint Petersburg) [Independent]
  
• Anna Gadt, Marta Grzywacz, Natalia Kordiak, Gosia Zagajewska - VOICEACT (Tags: anna gadt, cecil taylor, gosia zagajewska, impro, jazz, marta grzywacz, natalia kordiak, vice, free impro, fsrecords.net, improvisation, music, piano, Warsaw) [Fundacja Słuchaj]
  
• Pijn - From Low Beams Of Hope (Tags: experimental, rock, ambient, doom, drone, post-metal, post-rock, Manchester) [Floodlit]
  
• JACK - Split with Chadhel (Tags: rock, grindcore-crossover, hardcore, punk, Hungary) [Independent]
  
• Milton Nascimento & Esperanza Spalding - Milton + esperanza (Tags: jazz, New York) [Concord Jazz]
  
• Fake Fruit - Mucho Mistrust (Tags: punk, indie rock, lunchmeat, oakland, post-punk, wobbly, Oakland) [Carpark]
  
• Fire-Toolz - Breeze (Tags: electronic, idm, alternative rock, cybergrind, electro-industrial, emo, experimental, experimental electronic, fusion, glitch, grindcore, jazz fusion, new age, noise, noisecore, prog, Chicago) [Independent]
  
• Oxygen Destroyer - Guardian of the Universe (Tags: angelcorpse, metal, morbid angel, death metal, death thrash, death thrash metal, demolition hammer, kreator, morbid saint, vader, Seattle) [Redefining Darkness]
  
• Soften The Glare - EP III (Tags: rock, math rock, progmetal, progrock, Raleigh) [Independent]
  
• The Flying Luttenbachers - Spectral Warrior Mythos 2 (Tags: experimental, grindcore, modern classical, no wave, noise, post punk, New York) [UG Explode]
  
• TALL MARY - When Will I Find Something New (Tags: drone, experimental, noise punk, post rock, Vancouver) [Kingfisher Bluez]
  
• Цар Стангра - Битката за Фиорда - На живо в Сагене (Tags: black metal, bulgaria, metal, dark ambiant, folk, ritualistic, Canada) [Independent]
  
• Anarchÿ - The Spectrum of Human Emotion (Tags: melodic metal, melodic thrash metal, metal, technical thrash metal, progressive metal, progressive thrash metal, speed-metal, thrash, thrash metal, St. Louis) [Independent]
  
• PreHistoric Animals - Finding Love In Strange Places (Tags: alternative, alternative rock, prog rock, progmetal, Sweden) [Dutch Music Works]
  
• THE LAST OF LUCY - Godform (Tags: metal, brutal death metal, death metal, deathcore, grind, grindcore, hardcore, mathcore, progressive death metal, progressive metal, tech death, technical death, technical death metal, us death metal, United States) [Transcending Obscurity]
  
• And So I Watch You From Afar - Megafauna (Tags: alternative, instrumental, rock, Belfast) [Independent]
  
• ColdCell - Age Of Unreason (Tags: atmospheric black metal, black metal, depressive black metal, extreme metal, metal, Basel) [Independent]
  
• IXION - RESTRICTION (Tags: electronic, metal, ambient, androids, atmospheric metal, blade runner, doom metal, electronica, gothic metal, robots, synthwave, France) [Independent]
  
• William Soovik Grand Finale - Once More, Dear Friends! (Tags: contemporary jazz, experimental, free jazz, gothenburg jazz, grunge jazz, jazz, rock, saxophone, swedish jazz, Gothenburg) [Independent]
  
• Carb On Carb - Take Time (Tags: new zealand, punk, emo, emo revival, midwest emo, pop punk, Whanganui) [Independent]
  
• اکوان (Akvan) - سووشون (Tags: black metal, black metal from iran, blackened death metal, iran, iranian black metal, metal, Iran) [Independent]
  
• Claire Cross - Sleep Cycle (Tags: jazz, ambient, australian jazz, chamber, contemporary jazz, folk, minimalism, nu jazz, progressive rock, Berlin) [Art as Catharsis]
  
• Extortionist - Devoid Of Love & Light (Tags: deathcore, extortionist, hardcore, industrial, metal, metalcore, unique leader records) [Unique Leader]
  
• Sebastien Ammann - Change Of Course (Tags: jazz, New York) [Ropeadope]
  
• Pallbearer - Mind Burns Alive (Tags: epic doom metal, metal, Little Rock) [Nuclear Blast]
  
• COGNITIVE - Abhorrence (Tags: death metal, metal, progressive, slam, technical death metal, grindcore, Jersey) [Metal Blade]
  
• Botanist - Paleobotany (Deluxe Edition) (Tags: metal, avant-garde, black metal, experimental, hammered dulcimer, San Francisco) [Prophecy]
  
• NOCTURNUS AD - Unicursal (Tags: black metal, death metal, metal, heavy metal, Tampa) [Profound Lore]
  
• Kulk - It Gets Worse (Tags: alternative, norwich, doom, doom metal, heavy, post-metal, psychedelic, sludge, stoner metal, stoner rock, United Kingdom) [Human Worth]
  
• Inner Landscape - 3H33 (Tags: metal, post-hardcore, post-metal, Lyon) [Independent]
  
• Eigenstate Zero - The Malthusian (Tags: metal, deathmetal, djent, jazzmetal, melodeath, melodic death metal, nogenre, prog, progressive death metal, progressive metal, techdeath, Stockholm) [Independent]
  
• DAVID MURRAY QUARTET with Marta Sanchez, Luke Stewart and Russell Carter - Francesca (Tags: david murray, luke stewart, composition, improvisation, jazz, marta sanchez, Zurich) [Intakt]
  
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• öz ürügülü - Della Morte dell’Artista (Tags: frank zappa, jazz, mats morgan band, morgan ågren, mr. bungle, panzerballett, secret chiefs 3, snarky puppy, experimental rock, film music, fusion, jacob collier, odd time signatures, oriental, poil, progressive, Zug) [Independent]
  
• Maddalena Ghezzi - Dolomite (Tags: electronic, jazz, avant-garde, contemporary, contemporary jazz, songs, London) [Independent]
  
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• Karen Willems - JUJU (Tags: soundtrack, avant-garde, percussive, sound collage, Maldegem) [Werf]
  
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• Viacrucis - Melhorament (Tags: atmospheric black metal, black metal, blackened death metal, death metal, metal, rouyn-noranda, atmospheric, cathar, metal noir, occitan, occitanie, Gaspé) [Independent]
  
• Gabriel Genest - As It Is (Tags: jazz, canadian jazz, chamber jazz, contemporary jazz, modern jazz, Montreal) [Independent]
  
• Darko - Greyscale (Tags: a wilhelm scream, melodic hardcore, propagandi, punk, strung out, technical melodic punk) [Lockjaw]
  
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• Hemotoxin - When Time Becomes Loss (Tags: death metal, melodic, metal, thrash metal, progressive, technical, San Francisco) [Independent]
  
• JISEI - POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS (Tags: deathcore, punk, beatdown, deathcore, falsegrind, hardcore, lgbtq+, trans, Vancouver) [Independent]
  
• Maudits - Précipice (Tags: metal, ambient, instrumental, post, Paris) [Independent]
  
• Avoid Humanity - Between Now and Never (Tags: metal, hardcore, Bucharest) [Independent]
  
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[34][F][5'9''][BMI 33][White][GI issues]
PMH includes high Prolactin (45-80ng range), as well as something on my anterior pituitary that may or may not be a cyst, IBS, depression.
Current medications: Welbutrin, trazodone, fish oil, fiber tablets, multivitamin
Social history: don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs
History:
I've had releasing/remitting GI issues for years. I was told it is IBS. It may be, no reason to think it's not.
The past year I've had extreme weight gain (without medication change) of almost 40lbs. Was tested for cushings, cortisol came back normal under 50 with mightnight salivary test. Was told I just overeat. OK fair.
Thyroid tests are fine as of four months ago. TSH is upper limit of ideal but still within normal limits.
Labs for the past six months have shown persist borderline low or low sodium levels despite making sure I have enough dietary sodium. I have never had an issue with my sodium levels prior to this. I crave salt all the time, to the point where sometimes I just take tablespoons of soy sauce. I add salt to my water when I drink it. HDL is low for the first time in my life, LDL/triglycerides are fine. A few months ago my CO2 and sodium were both low with a normal happy anion gap. Neutrophils are often in the 65-75% range. The doctor hasn't been concerned by any of it. I always feel sick (lethargic, GI distress) when I go in/have this blood work done so it's associated with symptoms. I never have any fevers.
Four days ago I had yellow diarrhea. Two days ago it became yellow normal stool but with extreme gastric distension-- I looked four months pregnant. This was accompanied by nausea and lack of appetite. I dry heaved a few times and when I bent over I can feel gastric contents coming up into my throat. However, I never vomited and the diarrhea was only two bouts. I get full very quickly. I also noticed two red lines in my stomach that look veined patterned.
I went to urgent care yesterday and they said I a visible fluid wave but it didn't travel all the way across. They said labs wouldn't come back until tomorrow so I agreed to just wait and see which somehow got entered as me refusing blood work. Today I had a fever of 100.5 which was measured an hour after taking two extra strength Tylenol for a severe headache. Still no appetite although I can eat without throwing up. (I ate a bar of chocolate this morning.) I went back to urgent care, at which time they told me I no longer had a fever and everything on me appeared normal.
They did blood work and an URQ ultrasound. Ultrasound is clear but a big boi for a woman at 16.2cm length. Three yeras ago it was measured at 19cm so this isn't new. Bloodwork was unremarkable except for low chloride (97), borderline low sodium (136) and a borderline high anion gap at 19 (20 is upper limit of normal.) Neutrophils are slightly elevated at 67.1%.
Here's a link to today's labs: https://imgur.com/a/lSRwZSg
Here's a link to some labs that were done in March when I felt sick: https://imgur.com/a/yXCpT67
Significantly, creatine is happy, AST/ALT happy, lipase is happy, white/red blood cells are happy.
But I still feel like something is wrong. I feel sick. I have a fever. I don't understand why I have persistent hyponatremia/borderline hyponatremia, the low chloride is totally new (it was 7 points higher just a few months ago), and my anion gap at 19 is an outlier, historically speaking. I don't understand why my neutrophils are often elevated. The only differential I can come up with is something like Addison's Disease which hasn't be completely ruled out with the cortisol test but I have high blood pressure which doesn't fit at all.
Thank you.