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We employed a builder to do a set scope of works within our kitchen. Since day 1 of being onsite he has been trying to charge us extra and eke as much out of us as he can.
We have clearly detailed what materials we are providing (a breakdown of all second fix items) and that he is to provide building materials. He has now said that these building materials don’t include lintels and door frames but he will include the pipes to the boiler as a ‘gesture of goodwill’.
We also had in the quote ‘making good and prime coat to kitchen and utility room’. He states that this doesn’t include the whole kitchen and utility room and keeps trying to charge extra for various making good works.
His latest one is that we have included the ‘removal of WC extension and rebuilding of rear wall’. He has built a block work wall and is now trying to charge us extra to finish the wall to roof detail to a building regs compliant standard. He has currently left it as literally a block work wall up to but not touching the roof.
While he’s trying to get us to stump up more cash he’s also telling his builders half the scope and expecting them to give him lots of freebies. They’ve therefore not allowed enough time on the job. He has also not paid his guys despite us paying him upfront to the extent where they don’t have the money for sand and cement and have walked offsite. We’ve been totally clear from day 1 that sticking to programme is of utmost importance to us (I am 8 months pregnant).
There is a huge gulf between what we have paid him and what we know he is paying his subcontractors, so he is making thousands for his ‘project management’ role which has amounted to absolutely no work - he never answers his phone / hasn’t been onsite once- beyond causing problems and delays and demanding more money for what has already been quoted for.
We really do need the work finished as currently the entire back of our house is open and we have no kitchen with a baby arriving in 4 weeks, so he has us over a barrel to some extent. What is the best route forward?

I don't know if this is a misguided attempt to be encouraging, but personally I find it a bit alienating.
In the last 24hrs folks on this subreddit have said:

• Bread is the "easiest thing in the world" to make from scratch
• Making your own kombucha is "super easy"
• The "only slightly complicated bits" about making your own condiments are making sure they don't give you food poisoning

I don't get it. Things can require effort and still be worthwhile.
Pretending everything is easy isn't necessary and is ignorant of the reality that people have different levels of time, energy, kitchen space and mobility.

So some background first I guess, my wife and I live in South East Asia and there are a lot of independent contract workers who usually give cheaper prices and are a little more flexible than larger Interior Design companies here. Those companies are usually for the rich and although we don't exactly struggle we're not rolling in it either.
So we get to the kitchen, hire a guy, we agree on a price etc, etc. Asks us to pay 80% up front and we do. He tells us it will be a little while for him to order parts and build some of the cabinets. Great, no problem.
We also want to add a sliding door to our TV cabinet, a big floor to ceiling thing and he says he can do that too. We told him that the wood needs a bracket to hold it steady and small wheels so it can move through the ceiling bracket etc. Sure, he says no issues. He wants to come and do the measurements though so they are right. We offer to buy the ceiling bracket as we can get it pretty cheap ourselves. But remind him again he will need a bracket to go around the door to hold it steady (this is important later).
Day before he is due to come, still no measurements, he then turns up late in afternoon on a Thursday to get the measurements and confirm the start of the work the next Monday (8th April). Bear in mind that I am a school teacher and at this point it was the Easter break and I had a week left.
So they turn up on Monday and get cracking, his workers are great, they get a lot of work done on the Monday until they realise they have somehow designed and fitted the wrong cabinet in the kitchen. Guy admits to his mistake and offers to build a new one and change it for us, in the meantime they continue working.
End of Tuesday they leave and then... we dont see them again. Still work to do so we send him a text asking when he's next coming because, as im off work, its a great time ot get everything done. He says he will be here the next day. Nothing. No text from him, we text him and ask if he's coming, nothing.
Friday of that week and still nothing, we ask if he's coming on the friday and he says he will come Saturday morning. Saturday rolls around and nothing, so we text him again. He says afternoon but still nothing.
So we're a bit pissed but stuff happens, lack of communication is annoying as hell though. This continues throughout the next week or so. He says he is coming "tomorrow at 10:30" every time and never does. We have to chase him up and we have to figure out if he's showing up or not. This is happening on weekdays and more annoyingly weekends.
So I call the guy, I'm reasonable enough if not a little annoyed, ask him whats going on and he promises to show up on the following monday, its now the 29th. He comes and we just tell him that we want clearer communication from him, if he isn't going to come then fine just don't say he is and don't waste our weekends. He says it's because the cabinet isn't built yet and that takes time, which is fine if he had just told us that then no problem. So anyway, he turns up on that Monday with a few bits they can do and they bring the wrong things... whatever, anyway this is "our week" now so he's definitely coming. He doesn't come. Again same thing, we are chasing him, he is ignoring phone calls and not replying to texts.
Finally we get through to him on the Friday, he said the cabinets still not built (despite promising us that it was our week to get everything done) and that he will be coming on Monday for sure. Guess what happens on Monday... and Tuesday. So now I'm pissed. After work I drive to his factory, he's not there but a couple of his workers are, I ask where he is and he's out. So I call him, I was mad, didn't let him speak at the start and he hung up on me. Won't answer my calls and will only speak to my wife who he's getting made at. Stating that we kept adding things to the order (half true, we asked for a draw in the bedroom to be modified a little bit which he agreed to do for free because in his words it was only a small matter) and that he had to build a bracket for the wooden door which we never told him about, which we clearly did, he says that it's already cheap price and that we should be patient while he builds the things we need. Then said that I went to his factory and was causing trouble, which I absolutely was not, I was calm with his workers, it's not their fault at all.
Anyway, I feel like we have been patient enough, coupled with the lack of communication and (I forgot to mention until now) leaving our house looking like a construction site which we can't clean because he keeps saying he's coming the next day and would make it a mess again. We are still halfway through the renovation and can't continue it until this is finished. Anyway, he says he is only going to finish the job that is on the original agreement and nothing else (no slide door and stuff), turns out he's arrived today, he's doing the slide door and the kitchen today and tomorrow.
Anyway, am I the asshole here for getting mad at him?

So we've been dating for 11.5 months, in which time we moved in together, met our friends and family, had trips, explored shard interests, and generally had a great time.
In that time, we've had 2-3 bigger fights, but even so they were not that bad: She had a small outburst in public while shopping and I raised my voice when we got back home; I made a joke in public which she was not comfortable with; she said that she was on the fence about having kids mid relationship, but it turned out that was because she is having trouble making longterm plans.
The rest of the time, since we first started talking, we've never spent a day not talking to each other via text or in person, and we never got tiered of it. We both do stuff for eachother: she cooks for us, sometimes I help; I've become tidier and help around the house sometimes (she has a thing for cleaning, but she toned it down); we say and show how much me mean for each other; we keep finding new activities to enjoy together; the sex is the best we've ever had, and getting better; etc.
So what the hell happened?
I was working from home, focused on work (I'm not a workaholic, quite the opposite). After finishing her remote work, she said she's going in the kitchen to put some chips in the oven and make some salads and I said ok and thanks.
Then time passed and she came upset at me, asking rhetorically if I couldn't smell the burnt food. I noticed it then and told her - I guess I got focused on my work, my sense of smell is pretty poor and put it out of my mind, thinking she would handle it. She said she went into the other room to talk to her mother and heard the timer go off (again, something I didn't hear and in all fairness, can barely be heard) but didn't do anything - I gathered she was expecting me to realize and handle it.
I need to mention that at no point did we raise our voice to echother.
I told her that it's ok and soon I'll finish work and help her with the cooking. She was still upset and asked angrily would I still do nothing if the house caught fire. I told her calmly that it wasn't the case. She then controlled herself and walked away, said she no longer feels like cooking, left the salads half done on the kitchen and, when I asked why she was getting dressed, said she went outside for shopping (which she did).
I let her go, figuring it was the best thing to do in the moment. Then, finished my work and called her after to ask what exactly she was planning to cook, so I can do it by the time she gets back. She told me and I told her I'll wait for her at home when she's ready to come back.
I made the food, she got back, I came at the door to welcome her, but she was barely acknowledging my presence and was interacting with the cat.
I let it go and asked if she wants to eat, and she said yes. She made some small talk about the cat, still being very cold, and I asked if she wanted to talk about what happened. She says she doesn't feel that we need to. I said that there is a little need, and she said she doesn't feel like it.
As you can imagine, I was pretty upset by this point, enough that it was starting to show. She proceeded to make small talk again, but I told her calmly that I wasn't interested. After finishing food, I told her I'll be going to the other room to rest and that she's welcome to join me (implied: if she wants to talk about it), but that it's fine if she doesn't (implied: if she needs more time).
Until the end of the day she never came to me and I told her I'll be going to bed, if she still doesn't feel like talking. She said ok and we slept separately.
This morning before going to the office, I asked again if she would like to talk. She said ok, and still coldly, basically the same things she already said, plus that she feels like she isn't heard and doesn't know if she wants to continue pursuing the relationship - my heart sinks.
I tell her that I'm not upset because she got angry (we had a few moments where she would have a quick burst of anger, but we were making progress), but that she was shutting me out instead of talking to me about it, like we usually do (she had trouble opening up in past relationships, and with me it was easier, but not all the time). She said that yesterday I was treating her like a child (???) and that it's best if we continue sleeping separately for a few days so she can rest better (she has some anxiety when sleeping and even slight noises can wake her up), though that's probably not the reason. At one point I asked her what she thought about yesterday while being alone, and she said that she was jealous of a neighbour that has a car and she has to commute (neither of us has a driver's licence, it's harder to get where we live, and we were planning on starting driving school together in roughly a month, after she got used to her new job). When I asked why she didn't use that time to think about our situation, she said that the world doesn't revolve around me.... She also said that she feels the relationship is too much work. I kept asking her what she means, but she just kept saying "i don't know".
Before she left, I told her that we've been happy for a long time, she told me how happy she was with me just the other day and love doesn't disappear in a single day, and that I love her. She said ok. I asked if she could say the same thing, and she said that she agrees that love doesn't disappear in a single day. I asked if she'd like us to at least hug, and she said she wouldn't like it but she'll do it if I need it. I said in that case I don't want it.
Then I changed my mind and told her I'll hug her anyway, before doing so. We cried a little, but she just said bye and left.
That's the long of it. I don't know if it's the external pressure, something I did or didn't do, anxiety because of the future, those damned burnt chips, etc.
She's not a bad person: she's usually very caring and very vocal about how happy she is and how much she appreciates me. She's also smart and tries to work on herself. She's one of only 2 girlfriends I've ever said "I love you" to, and the first one was my first love, ~15 years ago. I'm the first guy she ever moved in with because she wanted to and the first one she ever loved. We're also the envy of other couples with how good we are foto each other.
We both went to therapy in the past - myself in the past, for a few years, which helped, and herself for a few months at the middle of our relationship, which she said helped as well, but not as much as it could have.
We already know we want to marry each other (at least we did) and if we break up, I don't think we can find someone better for us.
TL;DR: We've been like soulmates for the past year but she suddenly got extremely upset/cold and says the rlationship might not be worth it.
I'm lost and heartbroken and I don't know what to do. It all just seems like a cruel joke. I don't understand what happened and I just want us to be happy - what should I do?

Mods, I'm a quiet member of this sub and will give you my main account if needed.
I have a young adult child (Chris) with a BPD dx. Chris rejects the dx and has a long history of various issues with eating. Lately, Chris has lost a noticeable amount of weight.
With Chris's age, I've tried to step back and make them more responsible for feeding themselves. Tonight, they went to the kitchen to make food after barely eating all day and fainted.
I've only recently been able to convince Chris to start DBT, but it's on me to find and pay for the group. I haven't been able to do so due to my financial situation. Obviously, I'm going to have to find a way now.
Does DBT help with eating disorders or do I need to look into another program as well? After tonight, I'm considering trying to hospitalize my child. I already know they'll likely refuse. They've referred to previous hospitalization as being imprisoned.
To complicate matters, I travel a lot for work. I am physically incapable of making them eat 3-4 days each week.

tl;dr at bottom
I've noticed a bunch of people posting about finding the rare hotties so i wanted to share how rare they actually are.
There are 6 zombies, 12 containers, and 1 car which you can find this elusive magazine.

Zombies

For zombies, there is a flat 0.1% chance of finding one on a:

• Green Camo Zombie
• Desert Camo Zombie
• Ghille Zombie
• Redneck Zombie
• Rocker Zombie
• Varsity Zombie

I like the implication of the demographics of this magazine lol

Containers

• 0.1% Bathroom Shelf
• 0.1% Bedroom Crates, Closet Crates, Garage Crates (80%), Kitchen Crates, Living Room Crates, Storage Unit Crates (80%)
• 1% Gas Station Counter, Janitor Shelves, School's Storage Counters, Zippee Mart Storage
• 0.5% Magazine Racks
• 0.1% Mechanic's Shelf (40%)
• 20% 20% 10% 10% 100% PlankStashMagazine
• 0.1% Post Office Shelves and Crates
• 0.01% Prison Cell

The chance is dice rolled 4 times.

Cars

Flat 1% chance of finding one in the trunk of a Mail Step Van. This chance is dice rolled 4 times.

Foraging

1/13 chance of finding one when foraging an item from the "Forest Rarity" category. There is a 1% chance of finding a Forest Rarity a in the "Deep Forest". This chance can be modified by:

• +10% if you are a park ranger
• +5% if you are veteran
• +5% if you have the lucky trait
• -5% if you have the unlucky trait (I'm not sure what the minimum is)

tl;dr

You ARE NOT lucky if you find HottieZ in a hidden plank. You get 1 guaranteed + 8x 20% rolls, and 8x 10% rolls. You ARE lucky if you found a HottieZ anywhere else. Most of those chances are less than 1%

Bring bold flavor to your kitchen with Spice Krewe's Cajun Spice Blend. This premium blend of spices effortlessly enhances your dishes, whether you're grilling, roasting, or frying. Add depth and complexity to your meals with a taste of the bayou. Elevate your cooking with Spice Krewe's Cajun Spice Blend and enjoy authentic Cajun seasoning at home.

I am STILL NOT the Original Poster. That is u/ta-bff-234324. He posted in AITAH and amiwrong but posted the same text in both subreddits. I chose to use the ones from AITAH
Thanks again to u/Literally_Taken for the rec and to Choice Evidence and u/chickenoodledeprived for letting me know about the update!
Previous BORU here. New update marked with ****\*
Trigger Warning: racism
Mood Spoiler: tentatively happy ending
Original Post: April 1, 2024
My (29M) best friend Jess (29F) keeps on mentioning my ex (29F) in front of my fiancee, and I am thinking of cutting her off. I want to know if I am overreacting, or if Jess is in the wrong.
For context, Jess and I went to the same high school and the same college. We were friends in high school. However, since we both went to the same out-of-state college, we became best friends since then. We have always been there for each other during the best and worst times. However, things have always been platonic, and she is more like a big sister to me, who made sure I stay on the right track.
I have only been in two long-term relationships so far. One was with my ex Lisa for 7 years. We met in college and dated all through our college years. Lisa and Jess also became good friends, too. After college, Lisa and I just grew apart and had different goals in life. I became "boring" after college as I was working on my PhD while doing a full time job. Lisa broke up with me as she wanted to party on weekends, while I was home studying. I was heartbroken, but I don't think I ever blamed her or had resentment towards her, as I understood my decisions were selfish and should not hold her back from having the best life.
Jess always stood by me and comforted me during that time. Jess and Lisa were good friends and Jess always kept on telling me that Lisa loves me and will be back one day when I am ready. I foolishly held on to that hope and stayed friends with Lisa. That was until I met my fiancee Yang. After I finished my PhD, I got a nice job in a big tech company. Yang joined our team a year after me. We started going out for drinks, and dinner and we started dating seriously pretty soon. We are happy together, and financially in a great place. Needless to say, I stopped talking to Lisa after I started dating Yang.
I proposed to Yang a year after we started dating and got engaged last year. Jess has been acting weirdly since we got engaged. One of the first things she said to Yang after we got engaged was how I had planned the same thing for Lisa (proposing on a local hiking trail). It was a bit off-putting that she was bringing up Lisa whom I broke up with almost 5 years ago on such a happy occasion. However, Yang asked me to not spoil my mood, as she felt Jess was just commenting on how I had that plan in mind for years. Since then, every time we meet, Jess without fail brings up Lisa and how the things I am doing are all the things I had planned with Lisa. This happened when we bought a house, planned for vacations, etc. Jess always starts with some nostalgic story and then brings up how Lisa and I were so happy together. She is still good friends with Lisa and keeps giving me updates about Lisa and how great Lisa is doing at work when no one is asking for it. It felt like she was painting a rosy picture of Lisa to Yang and telling Yang that she would always be second to Lisa.
Yang told me Jess's comments bothered her, and I also felt the same. I have brought this up with Jess many times and asked her not to do it. However, she says she will try but since I dated Lisa for 7 years, she would be part of many stories from the past. Also, she asked me why talking about Lisa bothers me and if I still have feelings for her. I have reduced hanging out with Jess. However, she is close with my mom and is always invited to all our family parties and holidays.
I talked to my mom and sister about this and they feel I am overreacting. They feel Jess is just telling stories and since the stories are mostly from college days and later, Lisa will be a character in the story. They also feel I should not be bothered by Jess mentioning Lisa since we broke up a long time ago. I feel that it's disrespectful to Yang as she doesn't need to hear about all the fun Lisa and I had when we were together and how we were planning to get married. Do you think I am the asshole to stop here or Jess is truly acting out of line?
Relevant Comments:
Commenter: Probably need to separate your time with your fiancé away from your friend. ... On a side note, your friend comes across poorly on one other aspect. When you were too busy to date so you could study. She is encouraging you to stay available while your ex goes about dating around? Think she ever encouraged your ex to not? Or do you think she was telling your ex she could have all the fun she wanted cause you'd still be around? Food for thought.

OOP: She thought we were 24 when we broke up and she always justified that Lisa was young and it's natural to date around before you settle down. She also encouraged me to do the same. However, after my breakup, I decided that I would not be in a relationship (based on what happened to the previous one) and never dated anyone until after I graduated.

Commenter: Not wrong, in fact it's thoughtful of your finace's feelings. " Jess always kept on telling me that Lisa loves me and will be back one day when I am ready." - yikes.
An easy: "Jess, you keep bringing up my ex, and keep making comments which are dismissive of my relationship with Yang. I am telling you point blank that this is harming our friendship and it saddens me that you dismiss my feelings as being unimportant on this topic. If you can't respect me, and my relationship with Yang, please understand why it will likely end our friendship."

OOP: We have had this exact conversation. Jess then proceeded to ask Yang is she offended by her telling stories about me. Yang was polite and said she is ok. Then she told me I am being too sensitive.

Commenter: Op do you know if Lisa is married? Maybe Jess is trying to sabotage your engagement so you can be with Lisa.

OOP: I know Lisa is single. She has not been in any serious long term relationship after me. Infant, Jess always makes it a point to bring that up regularly and update me, even after I tell her I have no interest. My mom loves gossip and they also discuss a out Lisa regularly.

Jess is just being a mean girl/have you talked to Lisa at all?
At this point, I suspect Jess is just being mean to Yang. I would have cut her off long ago if she was not so close to me or my family for so many years.
Lisa is out of the picture, to be honest. I have completely gone no contact with her for the last 2 years.
Jess has feelings for you:
That's not true. I did not write it since I thought it was irrelevant, but Jess is happily married and has a 3 year old kid.
There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but top comments were NTA
Update Post: April 23, 2024 (22 days later)
I wrote a post a month ago regarding my friend Jess mentioning my ex constantly in front of my fiancée. Thanks to everyone who commented, and how inappropriate it was. However, the last month has been nothing but crazy and I still trying to make sense of what happened so far.
After my post, I decided to talk to Jess and gave her an ultimatum not to speak about my ex Lisa again. I know Jess and Lisa are still friends, but I was uncomfortable of her comparing my fiancée Yang with Lisa all the time. I broke up with Lisa 5 years ago, and she is nothing but a faint memory in my past. Jess kept on defending herself and telling me that I was with Lisa for most of my adult life and it's hard to tell any stories from the past without including her. She also blamed me for being emotionally childish and just forgetting about Lisa when she was with me for 7 years. Finally, Jess agreed that she will not bring up Lisa in front of Yang, and I should also not treat Lisa as she does not exist since she is still Jess's friend. I informed Yang about our conversation. Although she was appreciative about it, she said I did not need to do it and she knows how much I love her and every time Jess brings up my Lisa, she feels sorry for Lisa that she let a guy like me go.
Yang went to visit China two weeks ago for a month as we plan to get married in her hometown. She is taking care of her shopping as well as preparations for the wedding. Jess invited me to her house that Friday for dinner as I was home alone. I am also good friends with her husband, and we were all just chatting and drinking in the living room. Around 7.30pm, the doorbell rang, and Jess excitedly went to open the door. To my surprise, it was fucking Lisa at the door. She was all dressed up as if she were ready for a date and came in. I had not seen her in person for almost 3 years and I was shocked to see her. She sat down and started making small talk with me. I was extremely uncomfortable and went into the kitchen to talk to Jess. I was angry at her and asked her what was going on. She kept on telling me that it's been 5 years since the breakup and to get over it and be nice to Lisa. She said Lisa was excited to meet me and she thought we were all adults and could have one fun evening together. We had a fight and I told her that she should not have invited Lisa after our conversation the other day and I do not want to be friends with her anymore. I went into the living room and politely excused myself and told everyone that I had a work emergency and had to leave early. Lisa looked sad, but I genuinely felt uncomfortable to be made to hang out with my ex without my consent.
I came home and called Yang. I have never seen her more furious, and she told me she is not comfortable with Jess anymore as she has some agenda that we do not know about. It's different to talk about Lisa, but to invite her without consulting is not ok. I also felt the same and I called Jess the next day and told her that she crossed a line, and I was terribly upset with her. I stopped taking her calls and ghosted her. I also told my mom and sister about the whole incident.
Last Sunday, my mom called me for lunch. When I got there, I saw Jess was already there. I told my mom that I do not want to talk to Jess and can't stay. However, she asked me to sit as they all wanted to talk to me. I have a glutton for punishment and decided to hear them out. My mom started with how Jess has been there for me all these years and only has my best interest at heart. She kept on telling me that they are the three people (mom, sister, and Jess) that love me the most. Jess started saying how she felt that I was making a big mistake in not having to hear what Lisa had to say. She told me that Lisa was my first love and Lisa is now ready to settle down and we can pick where we left off. She reminded me how broken I was when Lisa left me and how life is giving me a second chance. My sister also chimed in and said how they all liked Lisa more than Yang and how we both looked so great together. Finally, my mom started saying how our culture was so different than Yang and it is hard for them to relate to her. I asked them in what way, and my mom said that they did not understand what Yang says sometimes and have nothing in common with her. Then my mom asked me to think about how Lisa and I would have such wonderful looking kids, while if I marry Yang, our kids will look so different. I started getting their drift and I probed more. My mom told me how our kids would look Asian with "small eyes" and not like any others in the family.
I asked my mom if she cared about my kids looks more and not about how smart they will be since Yang has a PhD. She blew it off, and I realized she just did not want me to marry Yang because she was Chinese and not white. My mom told me to forgive Jess and my mom asked Jess to talk to Lisa on my behalf and asked her if she would be interested in getting back together with me. My mom was adamant that since I loved Lisa so much, I should be happy and pick up things where we left off as that is the best for everyone. I have never been so angry and may have said a lot of unkind things to all of them before I left
I am so depressed right now. I not only lost my best friend, but also am not sure how I can move on from what my mom said. My mom and sister raised me and that is the reason where I am today. However, I cannot get over how racist they are being and how they were just pretending to like Yang all these years while actively working on breaking us up. I have been so shocked that I have not told any of this to Yang so far. I might wait for her to come back next week and talk to her in person.
Again, thanks everyone for all your messages on the last post as they helped me a lot to think through the situation. My life is more fucked up than I could imagine, and I cannot imagine how dejected Yang will feel after hearing all this.
*****New Update Post: May 7, 2024 (5 weeks after OG post)****\*
I wrote a post two months ago regarding my best friend Jess constantly bringing up my ex when talking to my fiancée Yang. I wrote an update two weeks ago about my mom, sister and Jess scheming about trying to get me back with my ex Lisa because they were uncomfortable with Yang being Chinese. They tried to do it when my fiancée was visiting her parents and I felt so betrayed by their actions.
As I said in the previous post, I blew up on my mom and sister about what they said and immediately left. I did not take calls from them or answer texts for the next several days. Their messages initially were anger towards me on why I left before they could finish what they wanted to say. However, I think they realized on day 3 that they might have crossed the line this time and became extremely apologetic. I finally messaged them to leave me alone and not to contact Yang or I until we contact them. Jess did not message me the whole time.
I did not tell Yang about the situation until she came back home 9 days ago. I initially did not know how to bring up the subject, but she sensed something was wrong and asked me about it. I was so worried about hurting her, but I told her about what happened. I was upfront about the stunt Jess pulled and she was angry at Jess. I also told her about my visit to my mother's place, but she did not react with any anger. She just asked me if I was ok.
The next few days were confusing where I was more upset than Yang. She was just excited showing me all pictures and telling me stories. Finally, on last Thursday evening, she opened up and asked me if I was ok about my mom's behavior and what I plan to do. I told her my thoughts and how I cannot forgive them for what they said about her being Asian and them wanting me to marry a Lisa because she was white. I asked her why she was not more upset as it was bothering me.
She told me that when she told her parents about me, they had the exact same reaction for her dating someone who was not Chinese. Her family is very traditional, and her parents were very upset about her decision. It took them a few months to warm up to me and accept me. She never told me about this because she wanted me to have good relationship with her parents. She told me that now they are the most excited doing arrangements for our wedding.
She told me that she has always felt something was off when she talked to my mom, my sister or Jess and they did not like her. My mom and sister would be very friendly with her in front of me, but never invited her for anything when I am not around. She suspected that it may be due to fact that she is not white and does not understand the American traditions. She said she is not upset with them and now that this is in the open, she should talk to them and assure them that she would be as good of a wife as Lisa or any other girl. She said that she does not want to break a family in order to start a new one.
Despite my protests, Yang invited my mom and sister for lunch on Sunday. She said that it would be good for us to talk about everything and hear why they are concerned about her marrying me. I was really not happy with this, but Yang spent most of Sunday morning cooking for them.
When my mom and sister arrived, there were a lot of waterworks and apologies. My mom apologized to Yang and me for her behavior and told us that she would never bring it up again. My sister also was quiet and had tears in her eyes. There were a lot of blame games. My mom and my sister were blaming Jess for constantly telling them how Yang might not be great for me and how she won't fit into our family. My mom and sister fought with Jess after I left and Jess blamed Lisa. Based on Jess's story, Lisa has been depressed for the last few years and when I suddenly got engaged to Yang, it became worse. Jess thought I was also depressed after Lisa left me, because I did not date anyone for 3 years. In reality, I just wanted to focus on my work and studies and never had time. So, Lisa convinced Jess that she has to get back together with me as that is what I wanted too. Jess said how sorry she felt for Lisa as she was her longtime friend and listened to her plan as she thought it was good for everyone.
My mom and sister told us that I should stay away from Jess because she orchestrated the whole situation. They kept on hugging Yang and apologizing to her. Yang in turn also started crying and telling them that she will do better to fit in with them. It was all a big mess. I am still skeptical of my mom's change in heart, but I also want to see Yang happy. However, I think it will take a lot of time and healing before I could truly trust my mom and sister.
Currently, my mom invited us to lunch at her place next week and told me that Jess will not be there. Jess has still not message me or Yang. I really don't know what I can do in this situation. I am still upset and furious at my mom, but I also want to respect Yang's effort to keep the family together. Thanks to everyone for all the messages and supportive comments. It really helped reading them when I was feeling very sad.

I’ve been dating a spiritual narcissist and feel hopeless
I feel like I have no voice. If I ever try to speak up, he will diminish what I say, dismiss what I say, and or gas light me. The worst of it all, he had a whole secret life - another partner of 9 years. She is living in Belize. He doesn’t take any accountability or responsibility for cheating or lying. He doesn’t see it this way. We have been together almost a year. I feel trapped. I’m out here on a ranch with him, and I’m on the other side of it crying. I just want to get back home. I want to get all of my things and go… he is just awful. I asked him for help with something so I could get a credit line, and he told me that absolutely I shouldn’t have any credit line. I said what about emergencies? I have no money… he told me well how will you pay it every month. I said it was only 500 credit line, I don’t think it will be that big of a deal, except for that I’m in the middle of no where with him so for now dependent on him… no car of my own. He even asked why I wanted one.. if it was so I can leave him? Ugh. Moments after his telling me how I shouldn’t even have a dollar basically, he starts dancing and bragging how he made 12k in the stock market with his trade and am I so happy for him…. 😒 He also is annoyed if I ask him to drive me and my things back to Houston. The ranch is an hour away. Nights like tonight, after all of the put downs and insults… Criticism about everything I do, how I picked up a dish, how I didn’t let the fish defrost long enough, how much better he would have done things… I feel like I can walk away. Ugh. This is the first narcissist I have ever met.
Also today, I had to listen for the one millionth time about how he has special knowledge that no one else does and he notices it when he’s around others. That he doesn’t feel like he can really find people who are as enlightened as him and …prob he needs to be a teacher and lots of people will follow him bc he has assendend so high. He will brag and go on and on while I clean up the kitchen from dinner, he won’t help. He will watch for me to mess up so he can pause his bragging and criticize how I breath or something. He is always repeating the same scripts… and he likes to talk about from the second he wakes up… how in 5th grade he was the smartest, the teachers All knew…how he this or that…. he said that I wouldn’t have been on his level at kindergarten age.. or he will say things like… what movie do you like? Then I say, and he says that’s a movie with little character development, I haven’t entertained those types since middle school.. or he will play one of his spiritual lectures and at the end say, that was too deep for you to understand. Wtf. It’s like all day, things like this.
And I’m heartbroken that he has this other girl. He told me she’s his stability and so he will stay with her and I’m allowed to be the mistress and publicly the assistant. She is coming back to the US.
I just hate him. I want to leave rn and somehow have him erased from my memory so I won’t cry over this. Ugh. I feel trapped.
Once I leave, I am worried about how much this is going to hurt. Just all of it…. Has anyone dealt with a narcissist? Was it hard to let go? 😒

I’ve been dating a spiritual narcissist and feel hopeless
I feel like I have no voice. If I ever try to speak up, he will diminish what I say, dismiss what I say, and or gas light me. The worst of it all, he had a whole secret life - another partner of 9 years. She is living in Belize. He doesn’t take any accountability or responsibility for cheating or lying. He doesn’t see it this way. We have been together almost a year. I feel trapped. I’m out here on a ranch with him, and I’m on the other side of it crying. I just want to get back home. I want to get all of my things and go… he is just awful. I asked him for help with something so I could get a credit line, and he told me that absolutely I shouldn’t have any credit line. I said what about emergencies? I have no money… he told me well how will you pay it every month. I said it was only 500 credit line, I don’t think it will be that big of a deal, except for that I’m in the middle of no where with him so for now dependent on him… no car of my own. He even asked why I wanted one.. if it was so I can leave him? Ugh. Moments after his telling me how I shouldn’t even have a dollar basically, he starts dancing and bragging how he made 12k in the stock market with his trade and am I so happy for him…. 😒 He also is annoyed if I ask him to drive me and my things back to Houston. The ranch is an hour away. Nights like tonight, after all of the put downs and insults… Criticism about everything I do, how I picked up a dish, how I didn’t let the fish defrost long enough, how much better he would have done things… I feel like I can walk away. Ugh. This is the first narcissist I have ever met.
Also today, I had to listen for the one millionth time about how he has special knowledge that no one else does and he notices it when he’s around others. That he doesn’t feel like he can really find people who are as enlightened as him and …prob he needs to be a teacher and lots of people will follow him bc he has assendend so high. He will brag and go on and on while I clean up the kitchen from dinner, he won’t help. He will watch for me to mess up so he can pause his bragging and criticize how I breath or something. He is always repeating the same scripts… and he likes to talk about from the second he wakes up… how in 5th grade he was the smartest, the teachers All knew…how he this or that…. he said that I wouldn’t have been on his level at kindergarten age.. or he will say things like… what movie do you like? Then I say, and he says that’s a movie with little character development, I haven’t entertained those types since middle school.. or he will play one of his spiritual lectures and at the end say, that was too deep for you to understand. Wtf. It’s like all day, things like this.
And I’m heartbroken that he has this other girl. He told me she’s his stability and so he will stay with her and I’m allowed to be the mistress and publicly the assistant. She is coming back to the US.
I just hate him. I want to leave rn and somehow have him erased from my memory so I won’t cry over this. Ugh. I feel trapped.
Once I leave, I am worried about how much this is going to hurt. Just all of it…. Has anyone dealt with a narcissist? Was it hard to let go? 😒

I have a small chihuahua mix that started throwing up about 3 weeks ago. Mostly just bile. He acts perfectly normal, goes to the bathroom etc with no issues. Over the last week he has stopped eating much although he seems to want to eat. Comes to the kitchen as if he wants food but turn his head once I offer anything. He nibbles on some wet food but just isn’t eating much at all. We had blood work and x-rays that were perfectly normal. He was taking some anti-nausea meds that seemed to work for 3 days but that was it. He’s now on some antibiotics for possible infection. He’s only had one dose so far (about 8 hours ago) but threw up again just now. I just don’t know what else to do at this point. Anyone have a similar situation??

The first symptom that something wasn't working as intended was Windows "stopping" my GPU because "it has reported problems", code 43. A standard clean driver installation solved it.
The whole system worked fine as usual for the next, non-consecutive, 24 hours until I powered it on in the morning. After putting in my pin, during the transition from the login screen to the desktop, the video has artifacts for 1 to 2 seconds, similar to those you get from a digital TV signal breaking up during the rain. Reseated the HDMI cable on both ends, didn't happen again. I go to the kitchen to grab a coffee, when I'm back, there's no video and all fans are at 100%. Nothing changed until I restarted everything using the reset button.
The next couple of hours had me trying to install the NVidia graphics driver, as it was suddenly gone (again), with the system randomly crashing when I interacted with any part of any UI or when any window or overlay opened on my desktop. UI element updates, the screen goes gray blank, and after 40 seconds there's no video and all fans are running at 100%.
When I finally managed to install the driver, it didn't fix the issue. The system would crash exactly the same way as when the drivers were gone.
Picked up my previous SSD, which still had my previous Windows 10 installation in it, and booted on it. The system would crash the exact same way, and the video driver was gone the exact same way as in the main SSD. To no surprise, a successful clean installation of the drivers didn't change anything. The system would crash exactly the same way.
So I decided to make a copy of the stuff that was still relevant to me before doing a clean installation of windows on that second SSD. The system booted, and, as soon as possible, I initiated a task of copying some folders totalizing more than 30GB from that SSD to my secondary HDD - and literally nothing else. The system didn't crash for over 40 minutes straight while copying the files, but the exact moment I moved my mouse and it hovered over the cancel operation button, my system crashed exactly like the other couple dozen times.
Booted my Windows installation media, the system didn't crash at any moment during the media boot, glassed the secondary SSD, and did a clean installation - and the problem is still present. Same way before and after the video drivers are installed.
I thought it was my RAM, cause I have two kits with very similar specifications running with the DOCP profile of the faster one. One is a CL16 1.2V 2666MHz 2x8Gb Ballistix Sport LT and the other is a CL16 1.35V 3200MHz 2x8Gb T-Force kit - the timings are the same. Since they have identical specifications, except for the obvious differences, I decided to run them with the DOCP profile of the faster one. I ran MemTest86 on the system when I had this crazy idea, with the 4 sticks running with the specs of the faster DOCP profile and it had no errors. Still, I tried running the system with the 4 sticks with no profile enabled, at 2400MHz, then with only the Ballistix sticks at their respective DOCP, and then I tried with only the T-Force sticks with, and without, their profile enabled - the system crashed the same way in all them.
After trying to find the faulty component the whole day I gave up and went to sleep. The next day I tried running the system with only the Ballistix sticks - didn't crash the whole day. At the end of the day, I swapped the sticks and tried running the system with only the T-Force sticks. Over an hour idling with 2 games running at the same time and literally nothing happened. I then tried to run the system with all 4 of them at once with the faster DOCP profile, as it had been running for a week, and then the system, once again, didn't crash.
Now I'm back to being suspicious of the GPU, the problem is I don't have any other GPU, CPU, (compatible) APU, or motherboard to test and continue testing to find the problem.
Luckily everything is still in warranty. The TUF GTX 1660 TI is 10 months old, and the R5 5600, the 2x T-Force sticks, and the TUF B550-Pro motherboard are barely 3 weeks out of the package.
Full specifications on PC Part Picker.
The case is a mid-tower with 3x120mm fans as intake at the front + 3x120mm fans as exhaust at the back + top. The CPU cooling solution is a 122mm x 50mm x 158mm heatsink with 1x 120mm fan. The highest CPU temps so far were during stress tests, a high of 72 Celsius. GPU hasn't gone past 83.

Period: 1900-1908
The South Asian population in Canada grew by 5000%, with most of the new settlers being Punjabi Sikhs living in British Columbia, often working in nearby towns in Washington.
Anti-Asian Riots in Vancouver (1907)) - 10,000 white Canadians attack Japanese, Chinese and South Asian Canadian residents, homes and businesses in Vancouver. Most South Asians in the city were former military vets who kept weapons in the house, so they protected themselves from most of the violence that was inflicted on the Chinese and Japanese communities.
Bellingham Riots (1907) - inspired by the riots in Vancouver, 400-500 white men "threw the East Indian workers into the streets, beat them, and pocketed their valuables." 125 Indians fled the town.
Continuous Journey Act is Passed (1908)—In response to anti-Indian sentiment in Canada, the government passed a restrictive immigration act requiring Indians to travel directly to Canada from their country of origin. This was done to try and make immigration from the subcontinent essentially impossible, as ships from India would stop in Japan or Hawaii on their way to Canada due to the distance.
Period: 1967-1981
After Pierre Trudeau's "points system" to immigration, the South Asian population in Canada grew by 3295% - unlike in past decades, most new South Asian immigrants in this period came to Ontario instead of BC.
W. Pitman's 1977 report to the Toronto Transit Commission, Now is Not Too Late, highlights that out of 31 racially motivated attacks on transit, the vast majority have targeted young men of "Indian-subcontinent origin."
In 1976, South Asians living in Toronto reported rampant discrimination in the workplace. In 1977, South Asians protested against racism at Toronto's Queens Park. News articles from the same year show random acts of violence against people of South Asian origin in Ontario, including agitators forcing their way into homes and throwing bricks at South Asians in a city an hour west of Toronto.
Current Period: 2016 - Present
The growth rates have been nowhere near what they were in these other two periods. Based on immigration and census data, this period probably saw the South Asian population grow by between 45% and 55%. What's different this time around are:

1. Numbers: This ~50% growth rate represents an addition of about 1 million people. The highest gains to the South Asian Canadian population in history was seen between 2016 and 2021, and the 2026 Census may reveal even higher population growth in sheer numbers.
2. Location: Facing strains on affordability and in the job market in traditional immigration hubs like Toronto and Vancouver, much of the new migrants are moving to outlying areas. As many are coming to Canada first through the community college system, they are accepting offers in areas without an established South Asian community. For example, in the relatively remote city of Timmins, where there were only 170 South Asians out of a population of 41,000 in 2016 - there are now over 6,000 international students, mostly from India. Other cities and towns have seen the desi population double (Kitchener), triple (Oshawa, Charlottetown, Halifax), up to a 900% increase (ex. Woodstock) in less than a decade. If the population grows more rapidly than people's attitudes and exposure to our cultures do, this can cause major backlash.
3. Visibility: Where past generations of Desi blue-collar immigrants worked in factories and warehouses in Ontario, and in the lumber mills, construction and canneries in BC - new migrants tend to be in the customer-facing service industry (fast food, retail, delivery). While population figures have increase significantly, many Canadians may only interact with South Asians in these places, which leads them to believe the rate of population growth is much larger than it actually is.
4. High Profile Negative Media Reports: From the 2018 Humboldt Bus Crash to the Killing of Harjit Nijjar to Extortion by South Asian Criminal Syndicates. I don't to have to spell out all of the negative press lately, but aside from the Lower Mainland Gang Conflict - South Asians have not had such a negative image in the public eye.

This is not some conclusive peer-reviewed study. History is a great teacher though.
Will it get better? There are things we can control like advocacy, unity and standing up for ourselves and others. If there is a link between mass immigration and racism, it's beyond our control. The government is restricting the number of student visas issued starting September, 2024. As it stands, there doesn't seem to be any media reports about how South Asian Canadians are discriminated against due to the rapid growth in immigration, though many of us feel it. I think this is a conversation that needs to be heard by politicians and journalists as the sentiment could affect everything from employment, to social lives to housing. This may just be something we have to endure for the period, as generations in the past have had to as well.
TLDR: We are currently experiencing rapid immigration-driven population growth in the South Asian community in Canada. There seems to be a link between this growth, especially to places where we have not already had a presence, and the racism directed towards the community by those who live in those areas. If people's attitudes and exposure don't change as fast as the community grows, this could be a major cause of the racism many of us experience.

I work a pretty high intensity type of job, lots of carrying, running, I need more than 3.5k calories just to stay even but I also want to keep bulking up. In the evening or half of the week, I do a lot of cognitive, hybrid virtual work, lots of thinking need a lot of greens...
I can't or have yet to find a mini stove. I think I'll just settle with a single induction type these only go around for $18 so very affordable. But the foods is where I'm stuck. So far I'm waiting for my induction top, I already have a slow cooker, rice cooker, and might get this EG toaster oven, and maybe this pancake maker.
Is it overkill??
I have to take in mind three things...

• Can't splurge too much on electricity, I'm limited.
  
• Space. I have set aside a small desk area for cutting, pruning etc., washing too.
  
• Something minimal and affordable, food is where I'll spend more $ on.
  

What's your set-up like? What's your daily lazy meal to cook, what are some well balanced diets you rotate on?

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

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Deepcool Matrexx 50 ADD-RGB 4F		$30	1,2,3
Rosewill RSV-L4500	15 x Internal HDD Bays	$100 Pending	1,2,3
	8 x Cooling Fan Included
	E-ATX / ATX supports
Voxelab Aquila 3D Printer	Trianglelab 2021 v3 3D TOUCH bed level sensor installed	$40	1,2,3
	Works but will need some minor TLC. Cable on the 3D Touch bed level sensor was damaged and will need repairing.
Dell D3100 USB 3.0 Ultra HD/4K Triple Display Docking Station	All accessories in box. Original Packaging	$30	1,2
MacBook Pro (Retina, 13-inch, Early 2015)	i5-5257U	$100 OBO	1,2
	8GB
	No SSD
	Apple 60W MagSafe 2 Power Adapter Included
	Only Powers on when plugged in
Apple Thunderbolt to Gigabit Ethernet Adapter (A1433)	Will include this for free with the purchase of the MBP above	$10	1
3x Raspberry Pi - Model B - 512M	One new in box, one new in packaging, one lightly used	$10 each	1
AmazonBasics USB to Gigabit Adapter		$10	1
2x unbranded USB-C to HDMI Adapters		$5 each or 1 free with any other item purchase	1

 
All sales are final, sold as is.

After being beat out again today when I felt as though our offer was extremely strong (didn’t love it but decided to fully waive inspection. Included 15k appraisal gap, 5k earnest money, flexible closing date, 5% down, 25k over asking escalation clause up to 40k over asking) I am back to the drawing board and trying to figure out how to make offer most attractive. I understand this is likely case by case basis, maybe waiving inspection is more important for an older home, whereas appraisal gap is more important in other scenarios. Just curious to see how people set up offers to make it most appealing based on common factors in offer

• appraisal gap
• down payment percentage -home inspection waive -closing date
• earnest money
• higher offer amount over asking
• anything else I’m forgetting

context - live in MA, looking at houses in 500-550 range, max 575. Top need for house is nice kitchen, everything else is negotiable (bathrooms bedrooms yard etc)
Thanks in advance