To be honest, I wasn't sure that the Advice sub would let me post this there so I'm posting it here because it's so fucked up. And it didn't seem right for Let's Not Meet, either. But I do need advice, because I feel I'm losing my fucking mind.
So I (30F) have always been very close to my cousin (30F), let's call her Angela. Because we're the same age, our parents (my mom and her father are siblings) went through all the same stages with us and as such, we were more or less raised like siblings due to how much time our families spent together.
We even had homes in the country in the same township, which is where I think this happened. And I can't really tell my family this because it will make me sound legitimately crazy. And some part of me even doubts this memory, but at the same time I know in my heart that it's true. It's a complicated feeling, and this memory was brought to light last week when my suspicion I've had for years was more or less confirmed.
One winter, sixteen years ago, when Angela and I were both fourteen, both of our families were at our cottages, a twenty minute drive from each other. Angela and her little brother (my cousin, let's call him James) parents (my aunt and uncle) were going skiing one morning, and I wanted to go too. So I spent the night at their cottage, like I often did when we all went up north.
Angela's bedroom had two single beds in it, and James' room was down the hall. The whole house was open concept, so the hall from Angela's room to James' room did not have walls, but rather was bordered by two railings over which you could see down into the main floor, the open concept living and dining rooms.
James is four years younger than us, and when he was 10, he was such a typical little boy/little brother, it's almost cartoonish to look back on. Like, I'm talking *constantly* bothering us, putting a stink bomb on a remote control car that he would sneak into our rooms, trying to read Angela's diary when we weren't in her bedroom, just all the stuff. But never anything cruel or out of the ordinary or sinister, just a massive handful.
The basement of James and Angela's cottage was filled with storage and old toys, and sometimes (on the rare occasion) that we'd willingly play with James, we'd all go down to the basement and try to freak each other out. Anyway, one of the toys in the basement was your typical Raggedy-Ann doll from the 60s or something. I think it belonged to my uncle when he was a kid and then Angela when she was a baby. Her name was Trilly. I forget who named it. Anyway, I have vague memories of playing with it when we were much younger and pretending it was our third cousin or our little daughter. But since then she'd sat in storage in the basement.
But, what great nightmare material! Right?! A creepy, limp, smiling doll. So the night I stayed over, before we went skiing in the morning, James, Angela and I were up to our playing in the basement, and I remember we tried to freak James out by pretending Trilly was alive or something like that. Whatever. Game over, we all had dinner with the parents, then watched a movie as a family and went to bed. James to his room and Angela and me to Angela's room.
Now this is the thing. Angela and I still joke about this night, and she remembers it just like I do, which is why I sort of wrote off my hypothesis until last week. That night, in the middle of the night, I started tossing and turning. I woke up and could tell that Angela was stirring as well. One of us said to the other, "are you awake?" and the other said "yes," and we realized that we both couldn't sleep or were woken up by the same thing or were both just feeling restless. But then, at the other end of her room, Trilly was sitting in the fucking desk chair.
I think it was Angela who pointed it out. We saw a shadow, thinking it was a person, freaked out, and then relaxed briefly when we saw it was just the doll. But then we got freaked out all over again and were like, "why the FUCK is this FUCKING doll in your room!?!?", murderously standing up and going over to it to pick it up and throw it in James' room and pound the living Christ out of him.
We turn on all the lights, turn on the hall light, stomp down the hall into his room and turn on his lights, and see he's not in his bed. We then go downstairs (my aunt and uncle's room was on the main floor), Trilly still in Angela's hands, and hear my aunt and James in the washroom. Turns out James had been sick for the last few hours and my aunt had been up all night with him as he was throwing up in the washroom. And when we saw the scene we immediately could tell that James had nothing to do with Trilly. Like, it was just one of those really believable situations where we could tell James truly had no idea what was going on. We even felt bad for him. And, to top it off, when we told him the story in the morning it scared him so much that he didn't go into the basement for like a year. Anyway, it just seemed really sincere.
So Angela and I went back up to her room and we were like, "are we *sure* we didn't bring this up here last night? Are we sure? We must have." Anyway, while we were really freaked, we figured that it was explainable. We knew the doll obviously didn't walk itself upstairs like it was some horror movie. But, because we were fourteen and all for the drama (and I remember us having the "better safe than sorry" mindset) we called her dog upstairs (Bella, a poorly behaved black poodle). We started playing tug-of-war with Bella, using Trilly as the toy, and eventually Bella ripped her to shreds.
Anyway, funny memory, making the dog rip up the doll, we laughed and thought we were tough and cool, then we went back to bed.
The next morning, instead of all of us going skiing, it was just Me, Angela, and my Uncle, because James stayed home with my aunt on account of his stomach flu. But when we woke up, Angela was acting weird. Nothing too noteable, just really bizarrely quiet as she moved around her room to get her clothes out of her drawers and get changed. She didn't, like, acknowledge me in her room. I said something like "morning" when she didn't acknowledge me, and she looked at me and then turned back to her drawers and kept getting changed.
And she was looking around weirdly, I remember that too. Almost like she'd misplaced something, but a little more dazed than that. Just moving strangely. Then she went downstairs without saying anything to me at all. I thought maybe she was just super groggy... but it still felt really weird.
When I went downstairs, she was standing at the island in the kitchen buttering toast that my uncle had put in for us. I distinctly remember walking up beside her and the toaster, pulling a piece of toast out of it, putting it on the plate that had been set out for me, and when I dipped the knife into the container of butter, Angela smacked my hand away, hard, and looked at me and snapped, "what are you doing? Don't take things that aren't yours". I was shocked. It honestly felt like being struck in the face. She'd never spoken to me like that before, and even though we were like siblings, I still felt that kind of mortifying embarrassment you feel when someone calls you out on misbehaving, even though I wasn't doing anything wrong; but it *was* her family's butter and bread? I don't know. That's what I remember thinking. But it was awkward and weird and I just said, "um, what?" and then she didn't say anything, just kept buttering her toast, and I mumbled some apology.
The three of us then drove to the ski hill and, I kid you not, Angela and I didn't speak the whole way there. I had no idea what was up, but I didn't want to ask with her dad in the car.
Then when we got to the ski hill, we went skiing just the two of us and on the chairlift during the first run I mustered up the courage to say "Hey, did I do something wrong? I feel like you're really mad at me or something". And she turned to look at me and was confused. Not friendly, not warm, not reassuring, but confused. It was almost as if I was a stranger and she looked at me as if to say, "sorry, who are you? why are you talking to me?"
And she responded in a formal way: "Sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about". The distance in her voice was really eerie, and I started to think maybe this had to do with the doll incident the night before and either she was trying to extend the prank, and she was the one who had put the doll on the chair, OR she felt guilty that we ruined this family doll and she resented me for being a part of it. Anyway, when we got to the top of the hill, she skied down quickly and didn't wait for me to go back up again, and we ended up skiing separately.
I felt awkward and embarrassed like I'd done something wrong. I ended up skiing with my uncle who asked me what was up with us, and I just said I didn't know. Then after our day of skiing, he dropped me off at my family's cottage and continued on home with Angela.
For the rest of that whole school year (we were in ninth grade), Angela and I didn't really speak. It was really sad. We were like sisters before, but better because we weren't actually sisters, but cousins, and so we were like best friends that were related. Seriously, we were really close. And it really messed me up, I felt like she just ghosted me. I would text her and call her house but she was always "fine" or "with Jessica" (her best friend). I chalked it up to her just outgrowing me, and it really fucking sucked. But, to be honest, it was so jarring and such a stark shift that I was more confused than hurt. I talked to my mom about it and she explained to me how rough it can be to be a teenage girl.
But that following summer, we were up at our cottages again, and our family had a barbecue and invited over my aunt and uncle and Angela and James. I had seen Angela at family things a couple of times since and she would just kind of ignore me and spend the whole time texting, which is what I expected this time.
Sure enough, that's what happened for the first bit of the barbecue. But then when the food was ready, she came up beside me as we were dressing our hamburgers at the condiment table and said, "oh my god, remember that night we got Bella to ruin Trilly?" and I was so shocked by her friendly tone, by her acting as though she were picking up a conversation we just were having, that I just stared at her and said, "yeah, that was crazy". And she said, "yeah, so funny. Anyway, how've you been?" again, really different and formal. I almost couldn't get past how altered her tone was, like we'd never even met. In fact she seemed so sprightly and kind that I thought she was mocking me.
And our relationship since that barbecue carried on just like that. She started talking to me more, but I'd reference inside jokes or ways we used to be or things we used to do and she never really latched on to any of them. I was caught between thinking she'd outgrown me and thinking she was like embarrassed of our closeness before or something and was trying to move on. I talked to my mom about this, and again got the speech about how teenage girls can be really cruel/strange sometimes.
So until we were about 22, we were like that. Nice to each other, talking sometimes, not that close, and I learned to not try and act like we were all close or that we had been close. I talked to my friends about it too and they said it was normal for friendships to change like that. But something felt off about this. I started to honestly feel crazy for hanging on to this "before" memory of Angela so much.
Then when we were 22, we grew apart. This time, it was mutual and natural. I moved cities, and she got engaged and became a real estate agent and we just had nothing to talk about. It was gradual and I didn't notice it much. Which brings us to eight years later, just last week.
I was travelling in Iceland. I had to be there (very randomly) for a conference/workshop I was leading for work, and turned it into a vacation. Rented a car, decided I was going to drive across the island after the conference was over and stay on the east part and explore a bit.
Day four of my seven-day long road trip. It's mid-afternoon, I'm hungry. I've been driving for three hours and have come across no sign of civilization at all, and it was fifty miles to the next town. But then, voila! A little gas station/general store/cafe! Perfect!
Ah, fuck. I literally can't believe I'm writing this. It makes me sound fucking crazy. But here I go.
I park in the little three-car parking lot. I get out of my car, step onto the gravel, the sky is white, expansive, there are mountains everywhere around me, fields, sheep. The air is fresh. Seriously middle of nowhere. I walk up the wooden rickety steps and push open the door and hear the door chimes go. A man walks out from the back room and greets me, and the place is cute. There's a little handwritten menu above the cash register and I asked him in my pathetic Icelandic/English mix if I could have the gravlax toast. He's very friendly and kind and says yes, asks if I want a coffee, I say yes please, blah blah, he rings me up at the cash register, and I go and sit at the one table they have and wait for my food.
I look around - it's mostly a fishing supplies store with some general groceries. The man opens the door to the room from which he came, the kitchen I suppose, and says the order to the lady in the back who looks like she's doing some prep cooking. Immediately I stop. It's freaking Angela!!!! Or I thought it was.
Now, remember, I hadn't seen Angela in about eight years. Since her dad passed away when we were twenty-three, and because I'd moved cities, we just had no reason to really see each other especially after growing so far apart.
So, like, OH MY GOD, it's Angela! She's working at a random little general store in middle-of-nowhere Iceland! But wait, I thought. No. This is obviously not-fucking-Angela. Angela is a real estate agent in my hometown. I'd obviously know if she lived in Iceland lol. Right? I don't really use social media but the odd time I do, she'll pop up here and there. But I guess not enough for me to *confirm* she still lived in my hometown.
But anyway, she looked enough like Angela that I went right up to the cash register and rang the little bell and the guy came back out and when he opened the door I was able to get another look at her, and my heart skidded. A chill spread across my crown. It was one hundred percent Angela. Like, my full-on cousin. So, looking over the guys' shoulder, RIGHT AT ANGELA, I smile and say, "Angela!! Oh my god!!" and before she could respond, the door shut again.
And the guy at the cash smiled really big, a nice, friendly, smile and he looked surprised as well, and pointed back over his shoulder and then at me, as if to say, "you two know each other?!" which confirmed for me that her name was Angela, because he seemed really delighted at the coincidence. Expecting her to emerge from the kitchen, I walked around to behind the cash register (the invitation was implied by the guy) and he put his arm back to open the door for me, or for Angela, whom we both expected to be making her way over to me, too.
When he opened the door, she was head-down again, chopping vegetables. I walked through the door and said, "Angela? Angela!" smiling, thinking she hadn't seen me yet or realized who I was, all context considered. She looked up at me, and then quickly, as though avoiding my eyes, looked down. "Hey", she said, quietly, at the cutting board.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON? Before I could ask anything, she said, "I'm really sorry, okay?"
What?
She repeated herself and then continued: "I'm really sorry okay? But we can't talk".
I actually, like, had no clue what was happening. I was looking into the eyes of my cousin whom I hadn't seen in forever in some random fucking shack in Iceland and she was acting skittish and afraid. I opened my mouth to protest and she said, "I need you to leave," then she called the guy's name and said something to him in Icelandic. She can speak Icelandic??!
The guy came in, his demeanour totally different. Almost like he was a bouncer. He gestured to my coffee and toast that were ready to go, took them in his hands and ushered me out of the kitchen and I could tell I no longer was welcome. Either I wasn't welcome or I was in danger, or both. It felt more like the former. And I don't think the guy had any idea what was going on, either. I think she must have said something to him like "I don't know this person, this person is crazy" or something. That's how he was acting toward me.
I got in my car, I drove five minutes down the road, and pulled over. I miraculously had service and I called my mom and told her everything. She kind of just laughed at me and was like "Many-Patient2894, that obviously wasn't Angela". And joked about me making some poor Icelandic woman feel extremely weird. But based off the guy's reaction when I said her name, her name was Angela, and the way she spoke to me and said sorry and said we couldn't talk, like, she knew me too. I told my mom all of this and I sounded fucking crazy and she just was basically like, "Haha, yeah, weird". I think she thinks I was making up the part about the apology.
I told all of my friends this, when I was still in Iceland, and they all reacted like my mom did. At this point, I had four days left in the country, and I kept wanting to return to the cafe/general store. But I didn't. I started to think maybe the woman thought I was someone else. But then I kept coming back to, but wait, this person was Angela. Her name, her body, her face, like I just didn't know what to do.
This brings me to two days ago, the day before yesterday, when I returned to Canada, where I live. It's eight o'clock in the morning and I'm on my way to work. In my car. Just picked up a coffee. Exhausted. Not thinking about Angela at all. Thinking about my laundry, my bills, what I'm going to make for dinner. The traffic is bad and it's a miserable day outside.
My phone dings. It's a random number. The text reads: "Hey! It's Angela! How was your trip?"
Haven't heard from her in eight years (except for our run-in in Iceland, if indeed it was one). No "how have you been??", no "I miss you!!" no "long time no talk/see!". I also hadn't posted anything about my trip on social media. Unless you were a friend of mine, you didn't know I was there.
I immediately call my mom, who follows Angela on Instagram, and ask her to look at her profile. Sure enough, Angela (not at all to my mother's surprise), is posting stories of the bachelorette party she's at in Miami. She's, like, not at all in Iceland.
I have no idea what's going on. And the way Angela/the woman spoke to me in the cafe had the cadence and softness that Angela had, and in my memory, lost, starting the morning of the skiing after the incident with Trilly and the dog. For some reason I'm fully back there in my memory now, realizing that that was the first morning of "the new Angela", the one that seemed to have no emotional memory of me at all. Like, the Iceland Angela seemed more like the "before" Angela.
I haven't replied to the text. I have no idea if it was bachelorette party Miami Angela or Iceland Angela that sent me the message, the area code is from neither Angela's hometown or Iceland.
I need advice, I have no idea what to do or who to talk to. Do I reply to the text? What do I say? I feel like the real Angela is fucking trapped in Iceland or something and has been for a long time. Or I don't even know. I have no idea what to do.

My boyfriend and I met in December 2023, started dating February 2024, and have now been together for almost 3 months. We live three hours away but see each other 2-5 times a month and call every day.
In January 2023, both my boyfriend and I went through long term breakups with our first loves. I had been with my ex boyfriend for 3 years, and he had been with his ex girlfriend on & off for 4 years.
When they were broken up, he was still very much obsessed with her. He would date and sleep with other people, but never seriously. He would leave relationships for her and block people once she would tell him she wants him back.
Their relationship was a toxic, vicious cycle that neither could break. But she was always the one that had the most power over him and would initiate all the breakups, while he would come back to her any time she was done dating other people for a little while. The final time she came back, he even proposed to her and they were engaged for a few months.
My past relationship, on the other hand, was a consistent one, and I didn’t have much dating experience after we broke up. My current boyfriend is my second relationship ever, so I’m still learning how to love someone while we both have pasts.
He acts obsessed with me. Super in love, always taking pictures of me and posting me on his social medias, spending so much money to visit me, calling me every night, making a private couple Instagram devoted to our pictures, but still brings up his ex a lot. We both had that problem a bit, but I slowly stopped doing it as often when I realized it wasn’t healthy. However, he always compares me to her. “() would do this.” “() liked this kind of music.”
Well in March, after a year of no contact between them, she (like always based on what he said) finally texted him just to see where he lived now and tell him she’s back in their hometown, asking how he is. He told me they had a short texting convo. I was a little jealous, but since he told me about it and it seemed small and short, I didn’t think too deeply. But it sent him into days worth of a spiral thinking about it. I tried not to bring it up too much.
Then one time in April, he got super depressed and wouldn’t tell me anything. I figured it was about his ex, as he still seems sad about her sometimes and talks so often about her. He got so bad that he drove the 6 hours back to his hometown where his parents live, took days off of work, which is also where she’s from and they met, and stayed with his parents.
I was dumb and suggested that he calls her to finally get some closure. He didn’t tell me if he would or not, until a week later after he was a bit himself again, he confirmed they talked but said “it’s just between me and her.” I said okay and didn’t bring it up even though it bothered me to know what the talked about.
We’ve been doing good since then, but he gets REALLY jealous of me talking with any guys at all. Like REALLY jealous. He likes to look through my phone and read my messages sometimes, which I don’t mind bc I have nothing to hide. But he don’t let me see his. Then two weeks ago, I got curious to see if he did really meet with his ex, and I saw the dreaded messages when he was sleeping (I know, it’s not good but I had suspicions).
During that time he was depressed, they didn’t call but he asked if they could meet in person. It seemed like she was really distant and not interested before or after their meeting, but he texted her things after they met up like, “I would’ve really regret if I didn’t get to see you before going to work abroad for 3 months.” And, “Are you sure you don’t have any feelings for me?”and, “I could never hate you, why would you think that? Please talk to me, I want to hear how you’re feeling.”
I tried to silently leave his apartment while he was asleep, but he woke up and cried, begging me to stay and that he’s over her, he loves me, he just needed closure to confirm she doesn’t have feelings for him so he can move on.
But it hurt me that he needed to know she doesn’t have feelings before he could continue a relationship with me. It makes me feel like if she wasn’t so distant and did have feelings, he would’ve left me immediately. I feel like a placeholder.
He also never told her about me, and told me that the reason he’s taking a work trip abroad for 3 months is because she always comes back in the summer and is scared she’s gonna final his new city and address and he won’t be able to turn her away. That was his explanation while crying to me and begging me to stay. And I said, “So the reason I’m losing my boyfriend for 3 months is because you think your ex will come back again like usual, find your new address, and you won’t be able to say no?”
It caused a huge fight, him sending her a message saying he’s with someone new now and loves me, wants to be with me, and is saying goodbye to their relationship forever.
But then after saying he blocked her, I saw a few days ago he didn’t and only hid her chat. He also sent her contact to a no name social media account that I think is his second account so that he has another way to contact her when he’s away for three months, but he says it’s not.
He said it’s the account of a friend that liked her while he was dating her and wanted to get with her if they ever broke up, so he sent her contact to this friend (which is still weird). But there’s no call or chat history with this friend. Just her contact.
So I’m wondering, should I break up with him? Is he still attached to his ex and I’m the idiot rebound?

Megapost: A list of statements, press releases, and other sources reporting and expressing concern and criticism about Israel's war in Gaza and related aspects of the war. (Part 4)

Notes: This is a work that is currently in progress; please check back for updates. Titles have been edited to provide details.
Part 1 is here: https://www.reddit.com/Social_Democracy/comments/1clx1uc/megapost_a_list_of_statements_press_releases_and/
Part 2 is here: https://www.reddit.com/Social_Democracy/comments/1cmjhpk/megapost_a_list_of_statements_press_releases_and/
Part 3 is here: https://www.reddit.com/Social_Democracy/comments/1coups2/megapost_a_list_of_statements_press_releases_and/
Refugee Council of Australia: Our Letter to the Prime Minister regarding the Israel and Gaza Crisis (April 26, 2024): https://www.refugeecouncil.org.au/letter-israel-and-gaza-crisis/
Statement in solidarity with student protests for Gaza [Signed by: 350.org US; 18 Million Rising; 198 methods; Adalah Justice Project; Addameer Prisoner Support and Human Rights Association; AF3IRM; Afghans For A Better Tomorrow; Al-Haq; Alliance of Baptists; American Baptist Churches USA; American Baptist Churches Palestine Israel Network; American Friends Service Committee; American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee (ADC); American Muslim Bar Association; American Muslim Community Foundation; American Muslims for Palestine (AMP); Americans for Justice in Palestine Action (AJP Action); Arab American Civic Council; Arab American Institute; Asian American Advocacy Fund; Better to Speak; Beyt Tikkun: A Synagogue without Walls; Black Lives of Unitarian Universalism (BLUU); Blue Future; Borderlands for Equity; Borderlands Resource Initiative; Breach Collective; Brooklyn For Peace; CAIR Action; CAIR California; CAIR Minnesota; CAIR Oklahoma; CAIR-WA; California Coalition for Women Prisoners; Cameroon American Council; Carceral Tech Resistance Network; Ceasefire Democrats; Ceasefire Now NJ; Center for Constitutional Rights; Center for Popular Democracy Action; Center for Protest Law & Litigation @ Partnership for Civil Justice Fund; Chicago Area Peace Action; Chicago Faith Coalition on Middle East Policy; Christians for a Free Palestine; Civic Ark; Civil Liberties Defense Center; Clockshop; CommonDefense.us; Communities United for Status & Protection (CUSP); Council on American-Islamic Relations; CWA-News Guild Local 38010; Defending Rights & Dissent; Delaware Democratic Socialists of America; Delawareans for Palestinian Human Rights; Detention Watch Network; Disciples Palestine Israel Network; Diverse & Revolutionary Unitarian Universalist Multicultural Ministries (DRUUMM); Doctors Against Genocide; Dream Defenders; Dutch Scholars for Palestine; Eindhoven Students 4 Palestine; Emgage Action; En Conjunto; Episcopal Peace Fellowship-Palestine Israel Network; Faith for Black Lives; Faith in Texas; Fellowship of Reconciliation; Fight for the Future; For All; Freedom Farm Community; Freedom Oklahoma; Freedom To Thrive; Friends of Sabeel North America (FOSNA); Future Coalition; Gen-Z for Change; Gender Justice Action and Gender Justice; Get Free; Global Campaign to Reclaim People's Sovereignty, Dismantle Corporate Power & Stop Impunity; Green Mountain Solidarity With Palestine; Green New Deal Network; Greenpeace USA; Hawai'i for Palestine; Health Justice Commons; Helena (Montana) Service for Peace and Justice; Highlander Research and Education Center; Hindus for Human Rights; Historians for Peace and Democracy; Human Dignity Project (THDP); IfNotNow Movement; IfNotNow New Jersey; Immigrant Defense Project; Immigrant Justice Network; Immigrants Act Now; Indian American Muslim Council (IAMC); Indiana Center for Middle East Peace; Institute for Policy Studies New Internationalism Project; Interfaith Ceasefire; International Jewish Anti-Zionist Network; International Mayan League; InterReligious Task Force on Central America; Iowans For Palestine; Islamic Society of North America (ISNA); Islamophobia Studies Center; Israel/Palestine Mission Network of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.); Jewish Voice for Peace; Jewish Voice for Peace-Hawai’i; Jews For Racial & Economic Justice (JFREJ); Just Foreign Policy; Justice Democrats; Just Futures Law; Justice for All; Kairos USA; Libyan American Alliance; LittleSis / Public Accountability Initiative; Living Water Inclusive Catholic Community; Long Island Progressive Coalition; Make the Road Nevada; Malaya Georgia; Massachusetts Peace Action; Mennonite Action; Mennonite Action WA; Migrant Roots Media; Minnesota Peace Project; Mondoweiss; Movement for Black Lives; MPower Change Action Fund; MSA West; Muslim Advocates; Muslim Community Network; Muslim Counterpublics Lab; Muslim Power Building Project; Muslims for Just Futures; Muslims for Progressive Values; National Arab American Women’s Association (NAAWA); National Domestic Workers Alliance Staff Union, CWA Local 1180; National Iranian American Council; National Lawyers Guild; National Lawyers Guild - St. Louis Chapter; National Network for Immigrant and Refugee Rights (NNIRR); National Partnership for New Americans; New Hampshire Veterans for Peace; New York City Veterans For Peace; The New Justice Project Minnesota; NH Peace Action; North American Students of Cooperation; No Separate Justice; North Carolina Peace Action; The Oakland Institute; Office of Peace, Justice, and Ecological Integrity/Sisters of Charity of Saint Elizabeth; Our Revolution; Palestine American League; Palestine Legal; Palestinian American Community Center; Palestinian American Organizations Network (PAON); Palestinian Feminist Collective; Partners for Palestine; Pax Christi New Jersey; Pax Christi New York State; Pax Christi Pacific Northwest; Pax Christi USA; Peace Action; Peace Action New York State; Peace, Justice, Sustainability NOW!; Pediatricians for Palestine; People’s Action; PeoplesHub; Poverty Project at the Institute for Policy Studies; Presbyterian Church (USA), Office of Public Witness; Presbyterian Peace Fellowship; Progressive Democrats of America (PDA); Project ANAR; Project South; Rachel Corrie Foundation for Peace and Justice; Reparation Education Project; Reviving the Islamic Sisterhood for Empowerment; Rise for Palestine; Rising Majority; Rising Tide North America; Rochester Committee on Latin America; RootsAction Education Fund; Sabeel Ecumenical Liberation Theology Centre; Sacramento Regional Coalition for Palestinian Rights; Sound Vision; Starr King School for the Ministry; Students and Faculty for Justice in Palestine at the University of Hawai’i (SFJP); Sunrise Movement; Sur Legal Collaborative; TakeAction Minnesota; Tech Justice Law Project; The Gathering for Justice; The Hague Peace Projects; The Social Justice Center; The Uncommitted National Movement; The Whatcom Peace and Justice Center; Transnational Institute; UndocuBlack Network; Unitarian Universalist Association; Unitarian Universalist Church of the Larger Fellowship; Unitarian Universalist College of Social Justice; Unitarian Universalist Justice Ministry of North Carolina; Unitarian Universalist Mass Action; Unitarian Universalist Peace Ministry Network; Unitarian Universalist Service Committee; Unitarian Universalist Young Adults for Climate Justice (UUYACJ); Unitarian Universalists for Justice in the Middle East; United Church of Christ Palestine Israel Network; United Methodists for Kairos Response (UMKR); United Voices for America; Until Freedom; US Campaign for Palestinian Rights; Veterans For Peace; We Are All America; Wellstone Democratic Renewal Club; Wind of the Spirit Immigrant Resource Center; Women's Institute for Freedom of the Press; Working Families Party; World BEYOND War; Young Democrats of America Black Caucus; Young Democrats of America Environmental Caucus; Youth Leadership Institute] (April 26-29, 2024): https://www.mpowerchange.org/gazastudentprotests & https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdhlWqDQghbVaPb6K7coBoi0o3w1YDfmrPOSbUw5bqNKEnrhg/viewform
Tom Hurwitz: I was arrested protesting at Columbia in ’68. Today’s student encampments carry on a proud, brave tradition: Like the Vietnam War was nearly six decades ago, to many students, Israel’s assault on Gaza feels deeply personal (April 26, 2024): https://forward.com/opinion/607021/columbia-1968-protests-vietnam-gaza-wa
‘We demand an immediate ceasefire in Gaza’ – First Minister of Northern Ireland Michelle O’Neill tells major London demo (April 27, 2024): https://vote.sinnfein.ie/we-demand-an-immediate-ceasefire-in-gaza-oneill-tells-major-london-demo/
Nineteen American Sociological Association Presidents Endorse the Resolution for Justice in Palestine (April 28, 2024): https://www.sociologistsforpalestine.org & https://docs.google.com/document/d/1t-z9OTPbl5JB9_sKnFOqAl-bQV78qZ-SFvjjjMrPUgY/
Robert Reich, former U.S. Secretary of Labor under Bill Clinton: Brief thoughts on the wave of campus protests across America (April 28, 2024): https://robertreich.substack.com/p/my-thoughts-on-the-wave-of-campus
We’re Jewish students at Columbia arrested for protesting Israel’s war (April 28, 2024): https://thehill.com/opinion/education/4626720-were-jewish-students-at-columbia-arrested-for-protesting-israels-wa
American Association of University Professors: In Defense of the Right to Free Speech and Peaceful Protest on University Campuses (April 29, 2024): https://www.aaup.org/media-release/defense-right-free-speech-and-peaceful-protest-university-campuses
Anat Saragusti: Israeli media’s inevitable hysteria over U.S. campus protests: The media’s unbending self-censorship in covering Gaza has made Israelis incapable of seeing foreign criticism as anything other than antisemitism. (April 29, 2024): https://www.972mag.com/campus-protests-gaza-us-students/
Attorneys inside and outside the administration urge Biden to cut off arms to Israel: So far more than 90 lawyers have signed on to a legal letter alleging Israel’s conduct in Gaza violates U.S. and international law. (April 29, 2024): https://www.politico.com/news/2024/04/29/lawyers-israel-arm-sales-biden-00154958
Lemkin Institute for Genocide Prevention: Statement in Support of Students, Faulty at Columbia University (April 29, 2024): https://www.lemkininstitute.com/statements-new-page/statement-in-support-of-students%2C-faulty-at-columbia-university
Mary Lawlor, UN Special Rapporteur on Human Rights Defenders: "I'm hearing disturbing reports that students face suspension if they don’t end their peaceful protests in #Columbiauniversity in the USA. This is a clear violation of their right to peaceful assembly" (April 29, 2024): https://twitter.com/MaryLawlorhrds/status/1785020792197038101
Cas Mudde: Why are US campuses facing an orgy of state repression in the ‘land of the free’? The right has painted nonviolent protests against the war on Gaza as hotbeds of ‘woke’ terrorism. It’s a pretext for repression (April 30, 2024): https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/ap30/us-campus-peace-protests-overreaction-gaza
Joint letter to President Biden on humanitarian risk of Rafah operation in Gaza [Signed by: 350.org; ActionAid USA; Alliance of Baptists; American Friends of Combatants for Peace; American Friends Service Committee; Americares; Amnesty International USA; CARE; Charity & Security Network; Children in Conflict; Christian Aid; Churches for Middle East Peace (CMEP); Center for American Progress; Center for Civilians in Conflict; Center for International Policy; Church World Service; DAWN; Demand Progress Education Fund; Evangelical Lutheran Church in America; Humanity & Inclusion; IM Swedish Development Partners; Indivisible; Islamic Relief USA; Islamic Relief Worldwide; KinderUSA; Maryknoll Office for Global Concerns; MedGlobal; Médecins du Monde / Doctors of the World International Network; Mennonite Central Committee; Middle East Democracy Center; Minnesota Peace Project; MoveOn; Nonviolent Peaceforce; Norwegian Refugee Council USA; Oxfam America; Pax Christi USA; Premiere Urgence Internationale; Presbyterian Church (USA), Office of Public Witness; Refugees International; Save the Children US; SEIU; The Episcopal Church; The Tahrir Institute for Middle East Policy (TIMEP); The United Methodist Church – General Board of Church and Society; Truman Center; Vento di Terra; Win Without War] (April 30, 2024): https://www.nrc.no/news/2024/may/joint-letter-to-president-biden-on-potential-incursion-into-rafah-gaza/
Latino students are key part of pro-Palestine encampment protests (April 30, 2024): https://www.axios.com/2024/04/30/college-encampments-ceasefire-gaza-latino-students
Michael Gould-Wartofsky: Trump Is Wrong. Columbia Isn’t Anything Like Charlottesville: I survived the deadly violence in Charlottesville, and am now a postdoctoral research scholar at Columbia University. To compare the two is unwarranted—and unconscionable. (April 30, 2024): https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-is-wrong-columbia-isnt-anything-like-charlottesville
United Church of Christ Officers issue statement amid ongoing unrest on college campuses; offer continued solidarity with partners and people in the Middle East (April 30, 2024): https://www.ucc.org/ucc-officers-issue-statement-amid-ongoing-unrest-on-college-campuses/
United States of America: UN Human Rights Chief troubled by law enforcement actions against protesters at universities (April 30, 2024): https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2024/04/united-states-america-un-human-rights-chief-troubled-law-enforcement-actions
A Statement From Jewish Faculty, Staff, Students, and Alumni Regarding Indiana University's Treatment of Student Protesters ["Actions are being taken in our name, without our consent or request. Such actions, especially those by the administration, often directly contradict the facts we see daily on the ground at campus. We condemn the actions taken by the administration, ISP, and IUPD against the students protesting on Dunn Meadow."] (May 1, 2024): https://bloomingtonian.com/2024/05/01/a-statement-from-jewish-faculty-staff-students-and-alumni-regarding-iustreatment-of-student-protesters/
Charles H.F. Davis III, Jude Paul Dizon, Jessica Hatrick, and Vanessa Miller: Police Repression Is the Problem, Not the Solution (May 1, 2024): https://www.insidehighered.com/opinion/views/2024/05/01/police-repression-problem-not-solution-opinion
Comment from United Auto Workers President Shawn Fain on Mass Arrests of Anti-War Protestors (May 1, 2024): https://uaw.org/comment-from-uaw-president-shawn-fain-on-mass-arrests-of-anti-war-protestors/
Fellowship of Reconciliation Stands in Solidarity with the Students (May 1, 2024): https://forusa.org/fellowship-of-reconciliation-stands-in-solidarity-with-the-students/
Juan González, Veteran of '68 Columbia Strike, Condemns University Leaders' Silence on Gaza Slaughter (May 1, 2024): https://www.democracynow.org/2024/5/1/police_raid_columbia_2024_juan_gonzalez
Mike Littwin: As a veteran of the ’60s campus unrest, I know the value of free speech: Despite what you may hear, most of today’s campus demonstrations, including the one at Auraria, are typically nonviolent. (May 1, 2024): https://coloradosun.com/2024/05/01/israel-gaza-student-demonstrations-opinion-littwin/
On Gaza, NY Catholic Worker community echoes Pope Francis: 'Please! Stop the war.' (May 1, 2024): https://www.ncronline.org/opinion/guest-voices/gaza-ny-catholic-worker-community-echoes-pope-francis-please-stop-war
Senator Bernie Sanders: The billionaires who fund AIPAC are not only concerned about protecting Israel's actions in Gaza — they also want to protect corporate interests. That's why they are targeting progressive lawmakers who stand up for the working class and take on powerful special interests. (May 1, 2024): https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/1785684580265074707
Syriac Maronite Archbishops denounce military escalation in southern Lebanon, condemn Israeli actions in Gaza and West Bank (May 1, 2024): https://syriacpress.com/blog/2024/01/05/syriac-maronite-archbishops-denounce-military-escalation-in-southern-lebanon-condemn-israeli-actions-in-gaza-and-west-bank/
The Democratic National Committee's College Democrats of America Slams Biden On Gaza And Backs Campus Protesters (May 1, 2024): https://www.huffpost.com/entry/college-democrats-of-america-statement-biden-gaza-campus-protest_n_663278fce4b0849b2edded55
Tope Folarin, director of the Institute for Policy Studies: We Stand with the Students Protesting the Slaughter in Gaza (May 1, 2024): https://ips-dc.org/we-stand-with-the-students-protesting-the-slaughter-in-gaza/
'You are our hope': Palestinian students find strength in U.S. campus protests: “I feel proud that there is a group of students who feel what we feel now — and are helping and supporting us,” said Reem Musa Suleiman Abu Shinar, speaking to an NBC News crew in the city of Rafah in southern Gaza. (May 1, 2024): https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/palestinian-students-support-us-campus-protests-israel-war-rcna149296
Bernie Sanders in CNN interview: 'This may be Biden’s Vietnam' (May 2, 2024): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6rQmvko18M
Catholic Relief Services representative for Gaza fears possible Rafah invasion (May 2, 2024): https://www.ncronline.org/news/catholic-relief-services-rep-gaza-fears-possible-rafah-invasion
‘Disgrace to diplomacy’: Bosnia accuses Israeli diplomat of genocide denial: Envoy to Serbia draws intense criticism for telling Russian media that calling 1995 Srebrenica massacre a genocide ‘diminishes the importance of that term’ (May 2, 2024): https://www.timesofisrael.com/disgrace-to-diplomacy-bosnia-accuses-israeli-diplomat-of-genocide-denial/
Gazans thank US university protesters as Israel calls for students to be expelled (May 2, 2024): https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/01/middleeast/gaza-children-thank-us-protesters-intl-latam/index.html
Helen Benedict, professor of journalism at Columbia University: ‘US student protests seeking peace in Gaza are the new anti-Vietnam War movement’ (May 2, 2024): https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/us-student-protests-seeking-peace-in-gaza-are-the-new-anti-vietnam-war-movement/articleshow/109766893.cms
Hundreds of U.S. Catholic leaders and laity sign letter urging Permanent Gaza Ceasefire and End to Injustice in Israel and Palestine (May 2, 2024): https://cmep.salsalabs.org/ps-may22024 & https://docs.google.com/document/d/16K1RvL3YdSgSChwO_eWB9iSvIglNP59ahqtAQ1aZiGM/
PREPARED REMARKS: Senator Bernie Sanders on the Nationwide Student Protests and the Ongoing Humanitarian Disaster in Gaza (May 2, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/prepared-remarks-sanders-on-the-nationwide-student-protests-and-the-ongoing-humanitarian-disaster-in-gaza/
Recalling Civil Rights Era Abuses, Legal Defense Fund of the NAACP Roundly Condemns Rising Violations Against Peaceful Protesters and Calls for Immediate Federal Intervention ["Today, the Legal Defense Fund (LDF) issued a statement roundly and unequivocally condemning the rising civil and human rights violations against peaceful protesters across the U.S. and issued a letter calling for the Department of Justice (DOJ) to conduct an immediate investigation into the treatment of peaceful protesters" (May 2, 2024): https://www.naacpldf.org/press-release/recalling-civil-rights-era-abuses-ldf-roundly-condemns-rising-violations-against-peaceful-protesters-and-calls-for-immediate-federal-intervention/
United Nations Development Programme: As war in Gaza enters seventh month, 1.74 million more Palestinians will be pushed into poverty across State of Palestine according to United Nations assessment: UNDP and ESCWA estimate more than two-decades reversal in human development— beyond earliest recorded levels of 2004. (May 2, 2024): https://www.undp.org/papp/press-releases/war-gaza-enters-seventh-month-174-million-more-palestinians-will-be-pushed-poverty-across-state-palestine-according-united
“Workers Have Power”: Thousands Rally in NYC for May Day, Call for Solidarity with Palestine (May 2, 2024): https://www.democracynow.org/2024/5/2/nyc_may_day_rally_palestine_solidarity
A Message to the Protesters From Reverend Jesse L. Jackson, Sr.: A call to keep raising the tempests on campus over the Gazan horror. (May 3, 2024): https://chicagomaroon.com/42811/viewpoints/op-ed/a-message-to-the-protesters-from-reverend-jesse-l-jackson-s
Association of Flight Attendants President Sara Nelson on Mass Arrest of Anti-War Protestors (May 3, 2024): https://www.afacwa.org/mass_arrest_right_to_protest
Rashid Khalidi, Professor of Arab Studies at Columbia University: Opposed to Genocide in Gaza, This Is the Conscience of a Nation Speaking Through Your Kids (May 3, 2024): https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/rashid-khalidi-columbia-gaza-speech
“This Militaristic Approach Has Been a Failure”: Meet Hala Rharrit, First U.S. Diplomat to Quit over Gaza (May 3, 2024): https://www.democracynow.org/2024/5/3/state_dept
Where pro-Palestinian university protests are happening around the world (May 3, 2024): https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/03/world/pro-palestinian-university-protests-worldwide-intl-hnk/index.html
100-year-old Jewish activist Jules Rabin is speaking up again — this time about Gaza [In a podcast on the nonprofit news site VT Digger, Rabin referred to the tragedy unfolding in Gaza as “a piecemeal Holocaust.”] (May 4, 2024): https://forward.com/culture/609442/jules-rabin-vermont-activism-gaza-ukraine-israel/
Israel will not agree to end the war with Hamas as part of any deal [“Israel will under no circumstances agree to the end of the war as part of an agreement to release our abductees," an Israeli official told ABC News on Saturday morning. "As the political echelon decided, the IDF will enter Rafah and destroy the remaining Hamas battalions there - whether or not there will be a temporary ceasefire for the release of our hostages."] (May 4, 2024): https://abcnews.go.com/International/live-updates/israel-hamas-cease-fire-talks/israel-will-not-agree-to-end-the-war-with-hamas-as-part-of-any-deal-109924741?id=109734705
Roseann "Chic" Canfora survived the 1970 Kent State shooting. Here's her message to student activists (May 4, 2024): https://www.npr.org/2024/05/04/1249023924/kent-state-shooting-activists-protests-survivor
‘They’re sending a message’: harsh police tactics questioned amid US campus protest crackdowns (May 4, 2024): https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/may/04/police-tactics-us-campus-protest-crackdowns
Anton Boonzaier: As a South African during apartheid, I admire pro-Palestine protesters’ tenacity (May 5, 2024): https://dailybruin.com/2024/05/05/op-ed-as-a-south-african-during-apartheid-i-admire-pro-palestine-protesters-tenacity
Committee to Protect Journalists condemns Israeli vote to shut down Al Jazeera; warns of alarming precedent (May 5, 2024): https://cpj.org/2024/05/cpj-condemns-israeli-vote-to-shut-down-al-jazeera-warns-of-alarming-precedent/
Union workers join students in rallies Saturday calling for a permanent ceasefire in Gaza [More than 200 people attended the Maine Labor for Palestine and Maine Students for Palestine rally.] (May 5, 2024): https://www.mainepublic.org/news/2024-05-05/union-workers-join-students-in-rallies-saturday-to-free-gaza
Oxfam reaction to Rafah evacuation order (May 6, 2024): https://www.oxfam.org/en/press-releases/oxfam-reaction-rafah-evacuation-order
Patrick Gaspard, president of the Center for American Progress: American politicians forget: disruption and disorder are the point of protests: I have trespassed in peaceful protest. I have shut down government offices in civil disobedience. I have made the powerful uncomfortable. That’s the point (May 6, 2024): https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/article/2024/may/06/campus-pro-palestinian-protests
Save the Children warns of deadly consequences for children following new relocation orders for families in Rafah (May 6, 2024): https://www.savethechildren.net/news/save-children-warns-deadly-consequences-children-following-new-relocation-orders-families-rafah
The campus protesters for Gaza are making America great again: Readers on the demonstrations sweeping colleges and their hopes for the next generation. (May 6, 2024): https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2024/05/06/campus-protests-gaza-palestine-vietnam/
United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund (UNICEF): There is ‘nowhere safe to go’ for the 600,000 children of Rafah, warns UNICEF: With hundreds of thousands of children in Rafah injured, sick, malnourished, traumatized or living with a disability, UNICEF calls for children to not be forcibly relocated, and the vital infrastructure on which children rely to be protected (May 6, 2024): https://www.unicef.org/press-releases/there-nowhere-safe-go-600000-children-rafah-warns-unicef
US campus protests of Israeli ‘genocide’ offer hope to students from Gaza (May 6, 2024): https://www.aljazeera.com/features/2024/5/6/us-student-protests-of-israeli-genocide-offer-hope-to-students-from-gaza
Brant Rosen: We Tried to Bring Food Into Gaza—but Israel Blocked and Arrested Us: As Israel continues to starve the people of Gaza, a delegation of rabbis marched toward the Erez Crossing during Passover carrying sacks of flour and demanding a cease-fire. (May 6, 2024): https://www.thenation.com/article/world/rabbis-arrested-for-bringing-food-gaza/
Catholic Workers Movement: After Arrests, Students Renew Call for Notre Dame to Follow Catholic Teaching on War, Investments (May 6, 2024): https://catholicworker.org/after-arrests-students-renew-call-for-notre-dame-to-follow-catholic-teaching-on-war-investments/
Hala Rharrit, former State Department official: Biden’s militaristic policy in Gaza is a failure — diplomacy is the solution (May 6, 2024): https://thehill.com/opinion/white-house/4646237-biden-gaza-militaristic-policy-failure/
750+ Jewish Students Affirm Support for Pro-Palestine Campus Protests [In Response to Biden’s Speech, 750+ Jewish Students on 140+ Campuses Stand Against Israel's Rafah Invasion, Urge Jewish Institutional Action to Halt Gaza Assault] (May 7, 2024): https://www.commondreams.org/news/jewish-students-support-gaza & https://mailchi.mp/israelpalestinecomms/jstudents
American Friends Service Committee: T­h­e C­o­m­p­a­n­i­e­s P­r­o­f­i­t­i­n­g f­r­o­m I­s­r­a­e­l­’­s 2­0­2­3­-­2­0­2­4 A­t­t­a­c­k­s o­n G­a­z­a (Updated on May 7, 2024): https://afsc.org/gaza-genocide-companies
‘I am leaving for the unknown.’ Palestinians fleeing Rafah describe their fear and despair (May 7, 2024): https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/06/middleeast/palestinians-flee-rafah-gaza-fear-despair-intl-hnk/index.html
Kenneth Roth: Biden Should Not Stand in the Way of the ICC (May 7, 2024): https://foreignpolicy.com/2024/05/07/biden-israel-hamas-icc-gaza-netanyahu-arrest/
Letter by Ch. Lt Col (Ret.) Stephen Tillett to the Editor: Veteran Calls for Ceasefire in Gaza (May 7, 2024): https://baltimorepostexaminer.com/letter-to-the-editor-veteran-calls-for-ceasefire-in-gaza/2024/05/07
Three Orange County medics describe wartime health care in Gaza: A once-modern string of hospitals has been reduced to desperate physicians and others relying on wits and luck. Most of their patients are children. (May 7, 2024): https://www.ocregister.com/2024/05/07/three-orange-county-medics-describe-wartime-health-care-in-gaza/
ACLU’s national director of policy and government affairs Mike Zamore and ACLU senior policy counsel Kia Hamadanchy: A disturbing national security bill could silence nonprofits and college protests (May 8, 2024): https://thehill.com/opinion/national-security/4651053-a-disturbing-national-security-bill-could-silence-nonprofits-and-college-protests/
Al Jazeera shutdown in Israel spells 'dark day for democracy,' say media groups (May 8, 2024): https://www.voanews.com/a/al-jazeera-shutdown-in-israel-spells-dark-day-for-democracy-say-media-groups/7603956.html
Blinken Says Israeli Units Accused of Serious Violations Have Done Enough to Avoid Sanctions. Experts and Insiders Disagree. (May 8, 2024): https://www.propublica.org/article/blinken-israel-military-aid-human-rights-violations-leahy-law
Jeremy Brecher: Anti-Genocide Students Are Fulfilling Their Duty to Prevent War Crimes; Will You? (May 8, 2024): https://www.commondreams.org/opinion/students-prevent-war-crimes
Senator Bernie Sanders Statement on Biden’s Hold on Bomb Delivery to Netanyahu’s Government (May 8, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/news-sanders-statement-on-bidens-hold-on-bomb-delivery-to-netanyahus-government/
The NYPD’s New Sizzle Reels Aren’t Just Dumb. They’re Dangerous. “This is copaganda, designed primarily to provide the mayor with political cover, but then also to show off the military might and alleged professionalism of the NYPD.” (May 8, 2024): https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2024/05/nypd-sizzle-reel-student-protests/
Haim Bresheeth-Žabner deplores the rot in Israeli society: 'Israel has turned into a Nazi society': The son of Holocaust survivors, Haim Bresheeth-Žabner believes the majority of Israel has been taught to normalise the occupation of Palestine (May 9, 2024): https://www.newarab.com/features/son-shoah-survivors-israel-has-become-nazi-society
‘It’s not human’: What a French doctor saw in Gaza as Israel invaded Rafah: When asked about the conditions of the hospitals he worked in, Dr. Zouhair Lahna is pained by the memories of the sick, wounded and dying. (May 9, 2024): https://www.aljazeera.com/features/2024/5/9/its-not-human-what-a-french-doctor-saw-in-gaza-as-israel-invaded-rafah
Japanese American Citizens League Calls for Ceasefire in Gaza (May 9, 2024): https://jacl.org/statements/jacl-calls-for-ceasefire-in-gaza
Republicans Funded by Arms Industry Fume Over Biden Threat to Withhold Bombs From Israel (May 9, 2024): https://www.commondreams.org/news/republicans-israel-weapons
Senator Bernie Sanders Statement on Israel’s Threat to Attack Rafah (May 9, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/news-sanders-statement-on-israels-threat-to-attack-rafah/
Trapped in Rafah, I'm watching genocide unfold before my eyes: Gazan journalist Amjad Yaghi's eye-witness account in Rafah describes the horrors of Israel's ground invasion as Gazans desperately try to flee to safety. (May 9, 2024): https://www.newarab.com/opinion/trapped-rafah-im-witnessing-genocide-my-own-eyes
76 Universities in Spain Suspend Ties With Complicit Israeli Universities (May 10, 2024): https://bdsmovement.net/news/76-universities-spain-suspend-ties-with-complicit-israeli-universities
Armed Conflict Location and Event Data Project: US Student Pro-Palestine Demonstrations Remain Overwhelmingly Peaceful (May 10, 2024): https://acleddata.com/2024/05/10/us-student-pro-palestine-demonstrations-remain-overwhelmingly-peaceful-acled-brief/
Biden’s arms threat to Israel ‘better than nothing’ but too late, say U.S. officials who resigned over Gaza policy (May 10, 2024): https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/bidens-arms-threat-israel-better-nothing-late-say-us-officials-resigne-rcna151454
Israel’s genocidal war in Gaza must end’ – Sinn Féin Chairperson Declan Kearney tells Global Anti-Apartheid Conference on Palestine (May 10, 2024): https://vote.sinnfein.ie/israels-genocidal-war-in-gaza-must-end-kearney-tells-global-anti-apartheid-conference-on-palestine/
Rick Salutin: I protested at Columbia in 1968 and today’s campus protests give me hope (May 10, 2024): https://www.thestar.com/opinion/contributors/i-protested-at-columbia-in-1968-and-todays-campus-protests-give-me-hope/article_a505c180-0e32-11ef-9615-e3f88eb6e034.html
Senator Bernie Sanders Statement on Rafah (May 10, 2024): https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/news-sanders-statement-on-rafah/
Strapped down, blindfolded, held in diapers: Israeli whistleblowers detail abuse of Palestinians in shadowy detention center (May 10, 2024): https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/10/middleeast/israel-sde-teiman-detention-whistleblowers-intl-cmd/index.html
U.S. medical volunteers in Rafah hospital say they've never seen a worse health crisis (May 10, 2024): https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2024/05/10/1250490688/rafa-hospital-gaza-israel-war-middle-east
Pro-Israel website ramps up attacks on pro-Palestinian student protesters (May 11, 2024): https://www.reuters.com/world/name-shame-pro-israel-website-ramps-up-attacks-pro-palestinian-student-2024-05-11/
Sen. Lindsey Graham says Israel should do 'whatever' it has to while comparing the war in Gaza to Hiroshima and Nagasaki: The GOP senator compared Israel’s military operations to the U.S. dropping atomic bombs on Japan in World War II, saying, “Israel, do whatever you have to do.” (May 12, 2024): https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/sen-lindsey-graham-says-israel-whatever-comparing-war-gaza-hiroshima-n-rcna151828
‘Total outrage’: White House condemns Israeli settlers’ attack on Gaza aid trucks: Protesters block convoy, throw food into road and set fire to vehicles at Tarqumiya checkpoint near Hebron (May 13, 2024): https://www.theguardian.com/world/article/2024/may/13/total-outrage-white-house-condemns-israeli-settlers-attack-on-gaza-aid-convoy

Some of my family from Korea came to the US and we went to Las Vegas and Grand Canyon. I want to write them all letters. Did I write them ok?

미연언니 (older female cousin from my dad's side):

English You are so lively and funny! I love the way you talk and the stories you tell. Sharing the same room at Circus Circus was so fun even though you snore haha. When I go to Korea, please do my eyelashes and hair! And maybe learn some taekwondo from your husband that you love but don’t always like.
I hope I can go to New Zealand soon and hang out with your children. If they are like you, I know I will have a lot of fun.
Korean 언니는 정말 활기차고 재미있어요! 언니의 말투와 이야기하는 방식이 너무 좋아요. 서커스 서커스에서 같은 방을 쓴 것도 너무 즐거웠어요, 비록 언니가 코를 골지만요 ㅎㅎㅎ. 제가 한국에 가면 언니가 제 속눈썹과 머리를 해 주세요! 그리고 언니가 사랑하지만 항상 좋아하지 않는 그 남편에게 태권도도 좀 배워야겠어요.
뉴질랜드에 빨리 가서 언니의 아이들과 놀고 싶어요. 아이들이 언니를 닮았다면 정말 재미있을 것 같아요!

————

소연언니(older female cousin from my dad's side):

English I hope you get more time to rest because you took care of not only your daughter, but also me. You and your sisters took care of me too much! Every time you were in the kitchen, I would hear “and what about for Julie?” I’m so thankful that you don’t judge me for being vegan and instead accept who I am. With that heart, I know your daughter will become a wonderful woman as she gets older. At the very least, she will have a loving and supportive mom.
Korean 언니가 딸뿐만 아니라 저도 돌봐줘서 더 많이 쉴 시간이 생기길 바라요. 너와 네 언니의 저를 너무 많이 돌봐줬어요! 주방에 있을 때마다 "줄리는?"라는 말을 들었어요. 제가 비건이라는 걸 판단하지 않고 저를 있는 그대로 받아줘서 너무 감사해요. 그런 마음으로 언니의 딸도 나중에 멋진 여자가 될 거예요. 적어도 사랑과 지지를 듬뿍 받는 엄마가 있을 거예요.

———

혜연언니(older female cousin from my dad's side):

English The massage you gave me was so amazing haha! And the sauce for the soodubu too. Please share your recipe! I’m so happy I got to see more of your personality because it’s so fun and playful. I can see why my dad liked playing with you and your sisters back then. I also really enjoyed our conversation when we walked to the Bellagio fountain show. Even though I’m so bad at Korean, you were patient with me and didn’t make me feel ashamed for my broken Korean.
Korean 언니가 해 준 마사지는 정말 최고였어요 ㅋㅋㅋ! 그리고 순두부 소스도요. 레시피 좀 알려주세요! 언니의 성격을 더 알게 되어서 너무 기뻤어요. 정말 재미있고 장난기 많은 성격이네요. 왜 아빠가 예전에 언니들과 놀기를 좋아했는지 알겠어요. 벨라지오 분수 쇼로 걸어갈 때 우리의 대화도 정말 즐거웠어요. 제가 한국어를 잘 못하지만, 언니는 저에게 인내심을 가지고 부끄럽게 하지 않았어요.
————

큰엄마 (my uncle's wife on my dad's side):

English I was so cute to see you too shy to come inside the house for Mother’s Day until the rest of the family came. That made me realize how gentle and soft you are. And even though my Korean is really bad, you never made fun of me or got frustrated at me. You still continued to talk with me and ask me questions. I always get nervous when speaking Korean, especially with elders, but you remind me that I don’t need to be so fearful with family. Also, thank you for making all those side dishes! They were delicious and the best things I ate on the trip.
P.S: Thank you for taking care of grandma for so long. You have put in so much love and work for our family.
Korean 어머니의 날에 나머지 가족들이 올 때까지 집 안으로 들어오지 못할 정도로 부끄러워하는 모습을 보니 너무 귀여웠어요. 그 모습에서 큰엄마가 얼마나 부드럽고 온화한지 알게 되었어요. 제 한국어가 정말 서툴지만, 큰엄마는 절대 저를 놀리거나 화내지 않았어요. 여전히 저와 이야기하고 질문도 해주셨어요. 특히 어른들과 한국어로 대화할 때 긴장하는데, 큰엄마 덕분에 가족과는 그렇게 두려워할 필요 없다는 걸 깨달았어요. 또한 많은 반찬들 만들어 주셔서 감사해요! 정말 맛있었고 이번 여행에서 먹은 것 중 최고였어요.
P.S: 할머니를 오랫동안 돌봐주셔서 감사합니다. 우리 가족을 위해 많은 사랑과 노력을 쏟아주셨어요.

——————

큰삼촌 (my mom's uncle):

English My dad and I were talking about how much we loved having you! Sometimes, I get more nervous with older adults because my Korean is so bad and I mess up on showing respect to Korean elders. But you never minded that and made me feel comfortable. And thank you for also driving so much and paying for that meal at Grand Canyon. I'm sorry you got pulled over by the cops for speeding, that must have been so scary. But you didn't seem worried at all. You being so calm about it made us all feel less bad. Also, you were the only one with enough strength to not complain about walking so much haha. When we meet again, let’s work out!
Korean 아빠와 저는 큰삼촌과 함께 시간을 보낸 것이 너무 좋았다고 이야기했어요! 가끔 나이 많은 어른들과 함께 있을 때 제 한국어가 너무 서툴러서 존경을 제대로 표현하지 못할까봐 더 긴장되지만, 큰삼촌은 항상 편하게 대해 주셨어요. 그리고 많이 운전해 주시고 그랜드 캐니언에서 식사비를 내주셔서 감사합니다. 경찰에게 속도 위반으로 걸린 것 정말 무서웠을 텐데 죄송해요. 하지만 큰삼촌은 전혀 걱정하지 않는 것 같았어요. 큰삼촌이 그렇게 침착하게 대처해 주셔서 우리 모두 덜 불안했어요. 또한, 많이 걷는 것에 불평하지 않은 유일한 분이셨어요, 하하. 다음에 만날 때는 같이 운동해요!

———

작은고모 (my dad's sister):
English The massages you gave were one of the best parts of the trip haha. Also, just seeing your face, how you talk, how you move all made me so happy! Your cuteness brings me so much joy. And I’m glad you like to be around me because I love being around you. I wish I could have been with you more, but you always wanted to be next to 예진언니, like at the coaster ride, the Awakening show, and for sleeping. Next time, we have to sit next to each other and ride something together!
Korean 고모가 해 준 마사지는 여행 중 최고였어요 ㅎㅎㅎ. 그리고 고모의 얼굴을 보는 것, 말하는 것, 움직이는 모든 모습이 저를 너무 행복하게 했어요! 고모의 귀여움은 저에게 큰 기쁨을 줘요. 고모도 저와 함께 있는 걸 좋아한다고 해서 기뻐요. 더 함께 있고 싶었지만, 고모는 항상 예진 언니 옆에 있고 싶어 했어요, 롤러코스터 타기, 어웨이크닝 쇼, 잘 때도요. 다음 번에는 우리 서로 옆에 앉아서 무언가를 함께 타요!
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예진언니 (my older female cousin on my dad's side):

English You take care of your mom so much. You are a great daughter. And also a great cousin to me. I really enjoyed our conversation at Grand Canyon. You are always open with me and easy to talk with. Also, I’m so happy you speak English haha. Speaking Korean takes so much effort for me, so when I was with you, I can rest a little more. I always feel comfortable around you. If I didn’t have you on this trip, I would have been way more stressed out. You’re just so awesome!
But next time, let me ride with 작은고모 and sit next to her at a show. I really wanted to see her reactions haha.
Korean 언니는 어머니를 정말 많이 돌봐줘요. 언니는 정말 훌륭한 딸이에요. 그리고 저에게도 훌륭한 사촌이에요. 그랜드 캐니언에서의 대화가 정말 즐거웠어요. 언니는 항상 저에게 마음을 열고 이야기하기 편해요. 그리고 언니가 영어를 할 줄 알아서 정말 기뻤어요, 하하. 한국어를 하는 게 저에게는 힘든데, 언니와 함께 있을 때는 좀 더 쉴 수 있어요. 언니 덕분에 여행이 훨씬 덜 스트레스받았어요. 언니는 정말 멋져요!
하지만 다음 번에는 작은고모와 함께 타고 쇼에서도 고모 옆에 앉고 싶어요. 고모의 반응을 보고 싶었거든요, 하하.

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한을 (my cousin's 8 year old daughter):

English We didn’t talk much because you’re still shy. But that’s ok, I understand. I’m a foreign stranger to you and you were the only child with 10 old people. It must have been a pretty boring trip for you, but thanks for not complaining too much haha. I’m really glad we got to ride that Canyon Coaster ride together. I loved seeing you so happy and lively. It was also funny when you told me I was going to fast and you were scared haha. It was also so cute to see you amazed at the Bellagio Fountain show. Seeing you get excited and happy made me excited and happy. Be good to your mom and aunts because they are very good to you. Sometimes they might get angry at you, like the time at Grand Canyon, but it’s because they want to protect you. Don’t be so shy next time we see each other. We can have more fun that way.
Korean 우리가 많이 대화하지 못했어요, 왜냐하면 한을이가 아직 부끄러워하니까요. 괜찮아요, 이해해요. 저는 한을이에게 낯선 외국인이고, 한을이는 10명의 어른들 사이에서 유일한 아이였으니까요. 한을이에게는 아마 좀 지루한 여행이었을 텐데, 불평 많이 하지 않아줘서 고마워요 ㅋㅋㅋ. 캐니언 코스터를 함께 타서 정말 기뻤어요. 한을이가 행복하고 활기찬 모습을 보는 게 너무 좋았어요. 그리고 제가 너무 빨리 간다고 무서워하는 모습이 재미있었어요, 하하. 벨라지오 분수 쇼를 보고 감탄하는 한을이의 모습도 너무 귀여웠어요. 한을이가 행복하고 즐거운 모습을 보니 저도 같이 행복하고 즐거웠어요. 엄마와 이모들에게 잘해줘야 해요, 그분들은 한을이에게 정말 잘해주시니까요. 가끔 그랜드 캐니언에서처럼 화를 낼 수도 있지만, 그건 한을이를 보호하려는 마음 때문이에요. 다음에 만날 때는 덜 부끄러워해요. 그러면 더 재미있게 놀 수 있을 거예요.

Barron, Laird. “Jaws of Saturn.” The Beautiful Thing That Awaits Us All. Night Shade Books, 2013.

Summary

Carol is Franco’s girl, and when he learns a two-bit stage magician is practicing hypnotism on her, Franco goes to pay the old man a visit. But Phil Wary is no mere purveyor of parlor tricks. The line between dreams and waking, between our reality and one of monstrous dimensions, erodes, as Franco and Carol find themselves ground to bits between the “Jaws of Saturn.”

Characters

• Franco - a private security attache and enforcer. Well groomed, well read, well armed.
• Carol - Franco’s lover and resident of The Broadsword Hotel.
• Phil Wary - an elderly resident of The Broadsword and career stage magician; also a powerful practitioner of the Black Arts.

Story

In the lounge of the Broadsword Hotel, Carol tells Franco of a dream she had of her former lover Marvin Cortez. Franco tries to explain it away as mere messages from her subconscious, but he’s also jealous. In her room, they engage in vigorous sex and Franco observes that, for a moment, one of her irises is inhumanly oblong. He doesn’t know what to make of this and presses Carol on her current state of mind, especially her recent weird dreams. She admits she’s been visiting old Phil Wary in his apartment upstairs, paying him for hypnosis sessions to help kick her smoking habit. That’s all Franco needs to know. This old sheister is trying to get into Carol’s pants and he’s screwing with her head. He’ll pay Phil Wary a visit. But first, he falls asleep and dreams of lovely, voluptuous Carol standing frozen in the Broadsword lobby as a shadow of “colossal dimensions” looms over her.
Franco is a bodyguard/enforcer for millionaire Jacob Wilson and is no stranger to intimidation, violence, and murder. He ferrets out Wary’s number and rings him up. Wary dismisses Franco contemptuously over the phone (“You sound like an oaf, a knuckle dragger.”) so Franco breaks into his apartment where he confronts the old man about making moves on Carol under the guise of therapeutic mesmerism. Phil Wary is both sardonically condescending and oddly patient with Franco, giving him more than one opportunity to walk away. But Franco is consumed with (perhaps nurses) his jealousy and strikes Wary across the face with a belt, ordering him to stay away from his girlfriend. Franco’s action does not have the intended effect. Wary shakes off the blows and effortlessly subdues Franco.
Wary stows the bound Franco in a closet, on tiptoes with a belt tightened around his neck, and leaves the door ajar so he can watch as Carol enters for her hypnosis session. Something’s wrong about the closet: he can’t see its ceiling. The dimension of height goes up and up into darkness. Franco struggles to maintain consciousness and can only watch as Wary entrances Carol then guides her to his apartment wall where he pulls back a flap of old wallpaper and has her look through a hole at… Franco doesn’t know what she could possibly be seeing other than the back lot of the Broadsword. Wary releases Carol from the trance and sends her on her way. Now Wary leads Franco to the wall, telling him, “All this flesh is but a projection. We are the dream of something greater and more dreadful than you could imagine. To gaze into the abyss is to recognize the dreamer and in recognition, to wake.” He forces Franco’s eye against the hole in the wall. Franco passes out. When he comes to, he receives a call on Wary’s phone from his boss Jacob Wilson, who fires him on the spot. Wary offers tepid consolation before ejecting Franco into the hall. Franco suddenly wakes in Carol’s bed, screaming.
Franco and Carol’s nightmares intensify as the boundary between dreaming and waking life erodes. Their nightmares increasingly feature familiar locations distended into cyclopean dimensions, and threats from above - at first tendrils descending from the sky, then the hand of a giant. In desperation, Franco returns to the Broadsword, packing his pistol, but the opportunity to kill Phil Wary has passed if it truly ever existed. He has a vision of Carol in the vaulted hotel lobby and, above them, Wary - now a colossus like the titan Saturn in de Goya’s famous painting - towers above them. The giant picks up Franco and raises him to its face - but Franco “had a long, agonizing moment to recognize his own face mirrored by the primordial aspect of the giant.” Franco is devoured.
There’s a brief coda where Franco (?) wakes, a giant in an ancient or future world, and is joined by his titanic lover. Together they loom over “all the tiny houses and all the tiny works of men.”

Analysis

As I write this, I have just woken from a dream. In the dream, I am asleep and dreaming of looking at a reproduction toy catalog and, sure enough, there are three pages of the old Micronauts toy line with which I am still obsessed. I wonder if these toys will ever be reissued. Then I wake up. There’s a book at the far end of the bed. It’s out of reach and I’m still sleepy and don’t want to stretch to grab it. I wonder, as I so often have: if I focus on that book and believe that waking reality is mine to shape as I do in dreams, can I make that book really leap into my hand? I do, and it does! I double-check to be sure I’m really awake. Yes - yes, I’m awake! This is finally, really happening! I try it again, pulling a rock from the ground through telekinesis. It’s easy. I have come into my own, a demigod among men. Then I wake up, for real this time.
My subconsciousness giggles. Pwned again.
All this to say: it’s disconcerting when the line between dreaming and waking consciousness breaks down, which is what’s happening for Franco and Carol, and at a scale that defies Euclidian geometry.
In fact, Franco’s experience is like stumbling onto the Devil’s Narnia. The closet in Phil Wary’s apartment - like C.S. Lewis’ coat-filled wardrobe - opens onto an impossibly large dimension, one lighted not by a snow-strewn lamppost but a hideous red light. For both Franco and Carol, the gulf between dreams and waking reality is melting away. The dreaminess/nightmarishness doesn’t make their experiences of this other (truer?) world any less real. Again, the occultist tells Franco, “We are the dream of something greater and more dreadful than you could imagine. To gaze into the abyss is to recognize the dreamer and in recognition, to wake.”
In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, the Pevensie children’s true identity is revealed as the sons of Adam and the daughters of Eve. Franco and Carol’s journey in “Jaws of Saturn” makes them a kind of Adam and Eve, but of a titanic cast. Their early sex scene shows Franco on the verge of an atavistic state, nearly unbridled from the abstraction that is modern human consciousness. The knowledge he seeks - what is Wary doing to Carol? - opens the door on a transformation that grounds him, bringing him closer to the true, perilous state of being alive, an atavistic state that finds its ultimate form as a titan in the post-civilization world of the coda. And herein we see a common journey for the Barronic hero: the search for Cursed Knowledge begins the Unraveling/Unveiling of Reality culminating in a Hideous Fate which leads to one’s Ultimate Form. (Note: Laird has a story titled "Don't Make Me Assume My Ultimate Form.”)
As I write this, my daughter has just called me from DC, upset by terrible dreams of a book that looks like the Bible, but it’s not the Bible, and our cat Izzy who died a few weeks ago has returned, but she keeps fading in and out of view. In her dream, my daughter is scared to get on an elevator because she’s on roller skates and the people in the building say the elevator is really slow, but the doors open, she gets in and the elevator moves so fast she’s floating. When it stops, the doors open onto a garden filled with people who want her to read a passage from the book that’s not the Bible: it’s Zanderthonis, book 2, chapter 3. And she keeps trying to wake up from the dream so she can tell someone about it but she can’t escape the building.
All this to say: Watch out, friends. The dreams, they’re catching.
Connections to other stories:

• The setting of “Jaws of Saturn” is the Broadsword Hotel, seen previously in “The Broadsword.”
• Carol’s former lover is Marvin Cortez, protagonist of “The Imago Sequence.” She mentions him to Franco, and Franco knows who he is. Franco works for Jacob Wilson, nephew of Teddy Wilson whose disappearance is mentioned in “The Imago Sequence.”
• “Hand of Glory” - Phil Wary - under his pseudonym Helios Augustus - sets Johnny Cope on the trail of Conrad Paxton.
• It’s not insignificant that “Jaws of Saturn” clearly ties together the transhumanism stories of The Imago Sequence to the Old Leech stories of Occultation by placing Franco’s and Carol’s conversation about Marvin Cortez in the Broadsword Hotel where Pershing Dennard ran afoul of the Children of Old Leech.

In part VI, the doctor examining Franco checks his eyes and says “something about coloboma.” ClevelandClinic.org notes: “The most recognizable and common colobomas affect your iris (the colored part of your eye) and cause your pupil (the dark center of your eye) to have a keyhole shape.” In other words, what was happening to Carol is now happening to Franco, and the change is the key to unlocking the underlying reality of the world.

Discussion

1. What did Franco see through the hole in the wall in Phil Wary’s apartment?
2. What’s the significance of Saturn, and specifically the de Goya painting of Saturn eating his children?
3. Did I miss connections to any other Laird Barron story?
4. Which Broadsword resident has the worse fate? Pershing Dennard (“The Broadsword”) or Franco (“Jaws of Saturn”)?
5. Which other Barronic heroes undergo the ordeal of Cursed Knowledge > Unveiling Reality > Hideous Fate > Ultimate Form?

Looking for a (weird?) wife, and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to have multiple wives or not I am saying this for your due consideration.
I have dark hair white skin, am underweight 5’6 with acne scars
NSFW questions in DMs bc Idk if its allowed to talk about on this sub. details in DMs for this reason unless i get confirmation that it's ok.
I have autism, OCD, ADHD, synesthesia and others (all self diganosed but i have obvious things idk if i should get into that)
I don’t mind piercings, I enjoy them, but someone is not more or less attractive for not having them. I don’t like gauges and some of those extreme circles and cuts. I don’t have any body modifications nor had planned to make any.
I don’t mind tattoos at any place either besides health concerns n I doint have any either.
I don’t like when ppl have big round lumps of flesh that stick out, I do mean big, small/medium maybe ok or even attractive
Need to find her attractive without make up – yes I do mean without make up and there are women who I find attractive without and I do mean without make up of any age. I don’t think I care if she wears make up or not, but I have concerns it’s toxic and the other one if I turn out to be hypersensitive or irritated by it because I am autistic.
I don’t care about race or ethnicity or nationality or anything or location.
I don’t mind how she decides to cut or dye her hair, besides that im concerned about toxins and damage, but I am not imposing on her.
I like appreciate and enjoy alternative fashion (and before it was cool), ive also liked fashion that some alt people have called “too basic" (which may partially be their own insecurity), i just like what looks good. There is fashion I find too basic and kind of anti fashion in that sense too maybe bc I feel like is what people who don’t want to be judged for being anything thats not basic would wear. I don’t like it when people are mean to others based on what they wear or other pointless hierarchical stuff like that.
I don’t recall ever saying “cover up” (regarding clothing), especially wouldnt say it in an imposing way I don’t like to talk in impositions that kill a person’s invidivuality or there’s smth like you know that feels like it kills you when someone commands you. I don’t like to impose on people in that way.
If she cheats, Im not gonna attack, physically emeotionally or otherwise abuse , im not looking to hurt someone I love (besides BDSM and that stuff you know). Men have been allowed to have many wives but wives only 1 husband. I didn’t become christian bc I wanted to opress or restrict women but I believe bad things happen when you sin.
Is reflective and tries to not mistreat others
body count? Isn’t it irrelevant if she’s the right one, I never cared if she’d be a virgin until I understood more about christianity and the spirit world.
I need to be properly emotionally supported, and I want and hope to be good in her life too. I can also have irrational emotions where ik now something is not so but I am procsesing those emotions a certain way you know.
I am interested in very dark and mature topics and things, even if there are times where I may not be able to handle them properly.
Ive been interested in esoterics, occult and c0n5p1r4c135 and I do believe the c0n5p1r4c135 are real and this is important to me.
I don’t care if she talks to others to men or has male friends, idk if I even carei if she’s flirting, there’s no intention to cheat so why would I care??
I can flirt with others too but I haven’t done it much out of concern of leading them on + it doesn’t by itself have any intentions to do anything further. i can be possessive but it will be in the cute way and it can be fun to tease or be teased like that maybe idk but i dont want ot be abusive posessive.
i have female friends she can have male friends that doesn't mean anything and i find the discussions regarding that ridiculous, maybe very low vibrational or of low conscience. i havent done anything with any of them ever except with 1 who is kinda like a relationship but there's painful and difficult topic and even then not physically tho we never met physically.
If its God’s will for her to be with me and she messes up then I will just forgive her. I don’t care to check her phone besides out of curiosity, I think all those games are very below me and maybe obviously should be below anyone who claims to be in a christian marriage, granted im careful regarding eating my words.
I have to eat mostly carnivore diet with vegetables, some fruits and carbs sometimes for my health, but I have nothing against vegans if they are actaully healthy, also I know a lot of ppl can not be healthy on a vegan diet based on long story also some even on the carnivore maybe, im open to sharing details at some point but maybe not worth it here.
ethically wild, I can handle dark humor, I have enjoyed it and used it a lot myself, im not legalistic christian (if you know what that is) but im still trying to be right than wrong so I want discernment on the issue and how to handle it, if smth is actually wrong then I will try to just not do it.
I don’t care if she shaves or not.
I don’t like it when ppl make the same kind of jokes or have the same locked in interests that don’t evolve or aren’t inherently somehow stimulating and genuine. For example ofc I understand enjoying the same food or listening to the same music (except ofc that can get old at some point). I understand what feels samey to a person can vary between people and across time, but I don’t think I mean that. If a bunch of ppl make the same kind of jokes and turn it into something hierarchical and baisc, like they think everything else is dumb cuz theyh aren’t open to perspectives, ideas, growth and improvement hence they fixate on doing the same thing thats too bland over and over.
A lot of ppl have very juvenile if thats even the right word mentality to look down on others for vapid reasons including interests, when you don’t even understand them. while ive had those intrusions I figured its wrong and foolish to just give into such a lowly hostile urge, whilst I understand being overwhelmed and misreacting/just getting mad at smth for no raeson but u can figure out u shouldn’t be mad or its not that deep.
Ive looked donw on ppl for thing I saw as them being lowly about it like getting high off of the same joke instead of improving ur brain cuz I think u can even feel like when u are stupidifying urself and ingoring improvements just to do the same thing over and over again, like u can prolly feel like smth inside telling u maybe u should look elsewhere now or this could be betteur losing cognition bc ur stupidifying urself. I understand again being overwhelmed and looking for some stability but I don’t think that susually it. Al ot of those ppl may be doing the same stupid things to be liked by others and t hus disingenuous to their real self, bc as soon as u start growing improving going in different directions ppl start getting weirded out and ostracizing u. I look down on that.
I don’t need her to shave. Idk if I wont find some body hair too extreme, but so far I haven’t
! respect boundaries. If one of us doesn’t want something or anyhthing at all be it months or years even that should be respected. This is for love first not exploitation. Not any exploitation from either side and look for each other’s well being.
I want to have her walk around the place flashing me, trying to tease me and show off her body in various and subtle ways. She can be naked too if she wants or wear anything she wants
I think how someone moves can be very attractive and also developed, this goes for me too
I want to learn to dance so we can have fun and I can arouse her
I think women have qualities and do things in a way I value, enjoy and admire
I think men and women have different patterns in positive and negative ways (with individual differences of course too) and analysing them and acknowledging them with honest attempt to understand is not wrong, while exploitation abuse and denial is wrong.
if im smarter than her I recognize she can have important and valuable things to say, similarly if she’s smarter than me she also doesn’t know everything and isn’t abusive about it
about money, I have wanted money to help myself and others, not out of greed I think.
I have thought of if I need or have to or if its better to to live in the right kind of community. Takes a village to raise a child but maybe even to function, maybe the people who function not in it are the abnormal ones. I don’t think of a cold community or one that forces warmth and makes you sick, there’s a kind of higher understanding or spirituality.
I don’t mind if she’s richer smarter or more competent than me. I however want to be richer smarter and more competent regarding improving myself and growing, not to feel less insecure than her, and of course I want those things so ican be able to support her and others too anyway.
I don’t mind if she’s a girlboss or not or whatever I think its irrelevant and If she has gifts and drive and doing God’s will why would that be bad? Of course I don’t want her to be stressed out
I don’t wear deodorant or fake odors, maybe if they were natural or non toxic. I also don’t like perfume and would prolly prefer if she doesn’t use it but idk.
I think children are a very serious matter, over time in my life I was thinking about how I’d do things differently and how I’d treat children and communicate and teach them, and I’d feel like I’d see how other ppl are failing children and also children are not attempting to learn how to treat their future children or other children or ppl better like it’s weird but I think someone is going to get what I mean. Bc of my physical and mental issues I am concerned how well I wil lbe able to take care of children of course I hope to improve and God to heal me.
I don’t want my weird movements adjustments or whatever to be judged.
I don’t mind pets or maybe even can enjoy them but again am a bit concerned about my health issues. I don’t have allergies to animals that I know of. I don’t like making their health worse I don’t like selective breeding for that reason unless you’re selecting for improving health maybe.
I am usually not afraid of bugs but I don’t like killing them. If its pests like bed bugs or some kind of infestation it can make sense, but I don’t like killing random harmless spiders or others. Maybe if harmful even I’d prefer to take them away. No im not afraid of bees or wasps esp if they are alone or very small numbers, tho I may prefer to not be around a hive.
emotionally sophisticated and doesn’t criticize my whining, while my whining isn’t attempting to get her attention, pull or control her. If I need some sort of emotional support I can ask and if she is able to provide it then she is, and if she has to prioritize something else I understand and I mean I genuinely understand. Emotional support should be mutual and not leeching. I understand it may not be completely equal or if its not possible to be, but we should both care as much as we can in our respective situations.
needs to care about her health, I don’t mean exercise and exercises can be damaging and forced too, thus again neesd to care to even know of that/unless she’s managing to be really fine anyway. I am not against smokers or alcoholics, but I’d prefer it if she stops. I want her to be happy and healthy.
If she’s over or underweight bc of health issues I understand
I don’t drive part related to health issues and concern it may be too dangerous for me to drive.
God first. I don’t believe anything works without him.
I won’t k1ll her if she cheats nor 4bus3 her. I am saying bc I thought some men hide things and reveal them after they are deep. I don’t want ot be like that.
Ive had emotional and rage issues about perceived injustices (towards me and others, even when im not lcose to them or don’t know them. I have thought and speculated maybe I care more with strong emotions about ppl that I’ve never met or are very far away than most people directly that I have observed and felt out of place for it.) and I know sometimes I wasn’t actually right other times I wanted to know what is the right thing to do say and experss cuz I had thoughts like if I hurt them they wont get better, they may even get worse, I don’t even enjoy hurting ppl especially in the brain or if its smth permanent (even if I believe God can heal, ive even had angry thoughts ofc like if He can heal why don’t I beat these wrong doers up cuz they have no qualms about doing it to others unfairly He can just heal them, I also thought if I had the right words and perception I could lead them away from their wicked ways) , and sometimes I wasn’t able to, ive physically hurt people out of being pushed too much and rage and with that I think I have let people off and not confronted them a lot in part bc I wasnt sure if I was even right to confront them other parts bc ofc of fear they will mistreat me if I reveal I think what they did or said was wrong instead of discussing it and thinking about it/ they already expressed they didn’t care or justified it in twisted ways that im not sure I could argue with or if thats even human.
I have to live and I think everyone in a spacious place. Too narrow will cause muscle issues and variety of issues that will worsen over time you are not sick becaues you are old you are sick because you ignroe and distort your body. I didn’t last long at all, some ppl last longer than me just to make excuses that im lazy + their brain melts and they don’t use it much anyway so superficially they last.
Im anti v4xx I think a lot of health info is a scam and ive experienced it and saw others experience it, I think some things can be true or not have better ways at a moment to deal with some issues but it doesn’t mean its not inherently flawed or manipulated information to make u a lil bit less sick or make u sick in a different veiled way even if it makes it “better” in some kind of way, I don’t mean its ok to let someone die or suffer more bc of too much skepticism, my point is I believe in honesty and integirty cuz u cant heal soemone with lies,
and medicine like other sciences is corrupted . be careful and discerning unfortunately u cant leave ur health in the hands of conventional doctors u have to research and fight for urself.
I have experienced various synchonicities. I think God has helped me and guided me.
Throw things away and tidy when we’re ready to. Tired or health issues is not the same as lazy. No tartorship or tyranny about it. Im not growing black mold either ofc
if a woman gets SA’d, and she doesn’t want to tell exactly what happenned, but she wants help, is it right for her to be upset at you and hide information, provided you live in the 20^th century without internet and much media information, and if you don’t have personal experiences with SA or almost anyone has ever talked about it to you in your life, and you are just confused at why this person is refusing to communicate, and u have to take care of this and that issue, yet u don’t know if they are mad at u even for something that’s not even your fault or related to you if that happens a lot, then then u pressure her too much and now she’s hurt, you didn’t even think to make the situation accessible bc u’ve never even heard about that. If someone has an issue and they don’t tell your previous experiences and imagination so far suggest that they have stolen smth or messed up smth and don’t want to talk out of selfishness, not even bc they are scared of you.
I think I have went through humiliation, and doing things I didn’t want to, and failure to do what I wanted and weakness, to the point of not being able to process things and I think losing braincells and personality bc of it, trying to recover it and my functioning and health. I think most ppl are too fake and superficial, not learning anything maybe. Not reflecting, not trying, if they have gone throuhg something like that I think some people amy be just letting themselves go insane and hurt others while in denial instead of processing it, while I understad how difficult is to process it especially when people around you shame you and oppress you for it. I think I need someone who has at least the cognitive understanding for that. I don’t want to put others down for enjoying things.
Ive liked variety of media and art over time, vareity of criticising it and ideas of improving it too, and lately after understanding more about the world and Jesus Christ some of it was interestingly seen in different light. Also over the years I may have seen media nad the world in different light. I have synesthesia autism, adhd and maybe some form of OCD, besides maybe others. I’ve beebn able to induce things in my mind and some information that seemed so obvious to me others had said they realized from psychedelics, you have probably already heard some people’s minds can work like that too. Well some of the media is ofc immature since it doesn’t align with christian principels that seem true after trying to understand more and and a lot of the media is for brainwashing
ive wanted to do art music dancing and others but have struggled with health issues that I hope to resolve. If she wants to do any I am generally worried about toxicity from paint so I wouldn’t use it and wouldn’t recommend using it.
Semi ex astrologer. Bc im not sure if its all considered divination since I’ve had synchonicities related to it that I’ve felt like or wondered if God sent them to me. I do think He communicates with us somehow in various ways.
I think its importan tto be able to explain to a child why something is or isnt a certain way, bc I felt alienated from a lot of christians who just seemed to “know” things and judge things as evil or whatever with no explanation and cringe when I ask for one. I als orealize it can be hard to talk about, both bc of the content, how traumatising can be to think about again and again from an adult’s perspective + being too busy or struggle too much, not able to expalin anyinthg and everything one thinks.
I have health issues that can make it hard to think or process emotions bc of maladjustment in my cranial bones related to the whole body and pinched nerves and wiring issues, that I hope to resolve , and may need miracle healing for some of the damage, this is also why i write this way in the state i am its difficult and straining to write and use the exact corrects words and format everything in perfect order
I don’t want to hold her back from God in any way.
I sought for spiritual answers if spirituality was real until I started figuring out more and then about witchcraft, but I observed patterns in my life regarding a sin I was commiting and other reasons that made me think that it can’t be a coincidence any more + someone claiming he stopped m4g1c p0rt4l by saying “Christ is King” (but I will say Jesus Christ) and that the bible was telling the truth. The bible had upset me before in part due to things taken out of context and difficulty understanding, and of course Jesus does things a bit differently than the old testament, even if the law is still important, He teaches forgiveness.
I care a lot about the gifts of the spirit and the presence of God in my life but also in everyone else’s.
I think awareness or pcoessing of emotional nuance and self control are attractive as well as being free spirited but not exploitative
I don’t smoke or drink or do drugs I don’t even take medicine nor intend to for the most part, I don’t judge anyone who does but I’d discourage them. If my wife does I’d discourage her, I wont pester her about it unless I get discernment that I should and that it will be helpful, but I won’t judge her and I never judged anyone who did, except when they were hypocrites. I have never ingested more than a small cup iirc, if even that from alcohol and only on occassions, and then barely on any occassions. I have never smoked a cig or a joint or anything besides 2^nd hand air. I stopped taking medication for illnesses years ago and I only took sweet drugs as a child bc they were sweet after being told not to.
I have however engaged in various parts and ways of PMO for various reasons
I think everything we have is given to us by God, or if we eorked for it opportunities or what was needed to achieve it was also given, so no one can be proud.
I have done weird things for health, personal amusement and other reasons includingi finding people who may relate and enjoy them but have been accused of attention seeking and I find that deeply repulsive because im sorry for trying to find people to connect with? I didn’t push things that others arent intersted in on them, I was jst trying to exist, some ppl don’t make the difference bc they have a really small world and don’t even think about others much and why they do what they do thus make the wrong assumtpions and attempt to harass and antagonize you. I find that very repulsive simultaneously ive known what other people’s intentions and results of actions and thoughts would be, and they would be confused and hostile towards me for acting like I know them, but I DID. And what I thought would happen happenned so I was just used and hurt and bc they are soo deep in to their own mess they don’t realize what they are doing wrong and a lot of the time don’t even remember that I said what would happen. Ive spent too much time and effort on ppl hoping they would change. I am not looking to be used up by a partner nonetheless. I don’t pretend to know everyhting or be perfecct but I think some ppl are so lost, esp after ive been also judged for my mistakes and not explained like I deserve respect so many times.
Narcissist abuse mention below line warning. Hoenstly you shouldn’te ven read it because I am concerned it may just upset you. I am posting it because I think its important to show that I am aware. Specifiaclly mentions narcissistic “whatever” podcast men who project it on the women.
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Ive had a habit over the years of engaging with media that infuriates me bc I overthink how to react in those situations bc I don’t understand how that in front of me can be a human being with a brain who cares about others and if I showed distress or anger I’d be judged and harassed for it again, despite them being harassers and controllers I nthe first place, and I am afraid of forgetting about it and walking into such situation and being unable to control it. For example the “whatever” podcast the narcissist men were saying in an imposing way how a woman only thinks for herslf bc she wanted to be aborted bc her mother didn’t have neough money to raise her. Obviously u need money to raise someone properly for various reasons, and if he himself odenst understand that a lot of ppl like that are controlling demanding and imposing, while bitter about the sacrifices their toxic environmetns forced them to make (or they made out of their own inferiority hopelessness and lack of faith) or weere actually spoiled, but bc of that they imposed themselves on other people bc I know such ppl and how they grow up and how they treat other children, and are “thankful for being alive”, but obviously don’t have enough empathy for someone who is emotionally intelligent and has struggled to not be exactly like them, bnc those ppl also harass and abuse minorities and vulnerable groups and I have storie about that dotn wanna get into, and they pretend they don’t know what im saying when I do. No I shouldn’t have to remember everything u did and ddi wrong with ur life to expali nto you how you are mistreating me and beg for you to stop. This is a narcissist. I don’t like abortion after understanding that it’s actually alive very early own and has a soul already I think or smth, but before I didn’t know that when I was more justifying it, but I can explain to someone, instead of abusing them into making them lose any ounce of respect for themselves, bc growing up in harsh environment can also often invite other people to mistreat you, even if not always the case.
Bc of ppl like that cotnrolling my own life Ive also had a lot of bitterness and thoughts of revenge and this is part realted to my health issues, and there’s evil that I don’t know if ppl do it just bc they don’t understand genuinely, bc its demons or bc they have to be done something actually important for. I knew better as a child than 30 something year old men, and I have all these issues and I am still better, how can they justify it now? So I have wanted discernment regarding what should be done about various issues. No I will not talk to you or bother you with the dark stuff over and over again I even try to avoid it or build self control bc it can make you go insane im just putting it here to show that I am at least aware and thoughtful of that.

i received shocking news on mother's day- i won my disability case! on the first hearing! i remember coming to this sub searching for advice when i first applied. it seemed mostly just others asking the same questions i had or talking about being denied, so i figured i'd post about my rare case that got approved (in the US.) i can't give legal advice of course, just share my experience and hope it helps someone.
my migraines became chronic october 2020. i quit my job after being denied fmla leave. i had only worked on the record for 3 years at minimum wage jobs. the income was just enough so my husband (bf at the time) and i never really had to worry about bills. i first applied for ssdi in november 2022 (i wish i had applied sooner, i just was so stressed and didn't think i had a chance anyway.) got my first denial letter i think in april 2023. my MIL gave me the info of a few good local lawyers from her local MS facebook support group. i googled some of the names, checking reviews of some of them. called the first one on my list, was told they wouldn't represent me since i'm under 60 (or maybe 50? point being: 26 is a bit younger.) fair enough, so i called the next on my list. answered some basic screening questions and got a phone appointment set up.
i applied for migraines but also listed my mental health diagnoses. usually my mental health is manageable, but with the migraines it started to decline. i had the feeling this lawyer thought i was more likely to get ssdi for my mental health rather than migraines. but i maybe i was reading that wrong and he had to ask more about the mental health since it's a bit more complex to understand than migraines for some people idk. regardless i was honest and he agreed to represent me and was really upfront about how the process works. he told me i'd likely lose the first and maybe 2nd case, but he thought i had a shot. that gave me some hope since he had a lot of positive reviews and i'm sure wouldn't take me if he thought it was hopeless!
still, i stressed a lot because i struggled to find a doctor willing to make a disability statement. it was mostly an issue for me because i had just been forced to switch insurance (turned 27 yay) which made me have to find new providers that don't know me well. luckily my psychologist said he was willing and gave a letter of support! and so timeskip after some more denials, i'm set for a hearing over the phone. my lawyer called me the day before to go over everything; checking that i'm not exaggerating answers, pointing out possible things they could ask about, stuff like that. (not like coaching, moreso just checking that i can give clear answers and not panic lol.) he said he knew the judge and thought she was very fair.
i was super nervous but the hearing seemed to go well from what i could tell! it was so gratifying to hear the job expert say exactly what i've been saying; that i only have experience in low-med labor jobs and those jobs won't hire someone who must be absent multiple days a month. the judge mentioned possibly asking a doctor about applying a special rule they use for seizures to my migraines that would classify me as disabled. the judge was very nice and at the end gave me a "sorry you have to go through this" that felt very genuine tho idk if that's something all judges say. my lawyer called afterwards to say he thought it went really well, i answered things well, and the job expert seemed to agree with us. things seem like they could go either way, but my lawyer sounds more hopeful now too so i'm cautiously excited.
so then mother's day i get a call from my lawyer. i rush to pick up because my social security online account status updated to final review 2 days prior so i knew a decision was coming. and my lawyer tells me, "congratulations, you won" !!!! I contain a scream and say in disbelief, "oh my god, i didn't expect to win my 1st at all!" he explained that actually the judge had written to the doctor about my migraines and the doctor disagreed. my lawyer wrote to the judge that he disagreed with the doctor's descision as he was off about some facts in his report, and the judge agreed with my lawyer!!! so i won for the migraines! he told me about how much i can be expecting and that i'll have to switch my primary insurance to medicare soon.
so i think the moral is: roll a nat20 on lawyer and judge selection and you're good! jk. kinda. i know i'm incredibly lucky to have gotten approved and i know there's so many of you out there that absolutely deserve it but have to fight til the end of the legal system. i mean even my dad was told by his doctor to stop working after a heart attack, but he had to go to the final hearing (in which that judge apologized to him that he wasn't approved earlier.) but if you're considering applying or going thru it and are scared now, just know it's not impossible! i was an anxiety-ridden mess right before my trial and even had a mild migraine during the whole thing, but it went really well! and soon i'll be able to pay off my debts and once again contribute financially!!

It was called the most important trial in all of human history.
As a descendant of Adam I felt I had been evicted from the Garden of eden unfairly. I sued God to be allowed back in.
Satan heard about my idea and he supported me on the understanding that if I won it would set a precedent for him to get back his old job. That was a major coup for my side. God has a couple of good environmental attorneys but virtually every high priced lawyer other than them were already in hell. That's how I wound up with Johnny Cohran as my attorney.
The jury was taken from purgatory on the grounds that they could be impartial. They included Socrates, Hammurabai, Confucius and some others I didn't know. I was a bit surprised to see Ghengis Khan though. How he got into purgatory is another question.
Johnny Cochran got things off to a great start when he asked Eve " So this forbidden fruit tree that you would die by eating, was it hundreds of miles away from where you were camping?"
Eve said " No it was less than a mile, I had to pass it every time I went for water."
Cochran asked " Was it called the tree of certain death or something like that so you'd know not to eat its fruit?"
She replied " No it was called the tree of knowledge"
Cochran asked " How did you know that was what it was called?"
She said "The snake told me."
Cochran paused and gave an knowing look to the jury. " Did all the animals talk to you?"
Eve said " No just the snake who lived in the tree."
" Wait , You're telling me that this deadly tree that you were forbidden from eating from on pain of death, called the tree of knowledge, was less than a mile from your camp and had a talking snake it?"
"That's right"
" And what did this snake tell you would happen if you ate from it"
Eve answered " He said that we would be like Gods if we ate it."
"And you believed it?"
"Yes" she said.
"How old were you at the time?" He asked
She answered " I don't know exactly, a couple of weeks maybe."
When he got to the part where God evicted her while she was pregnant with nothing but a couple of fig leaves to wear for eating an apple, I snuck a quick peek at the jury. Even Ghengis Khan was shaking his head.
Unless you live under a rock you know that I won 10 months ago and was admitted back into the Garden. To be honest I'm bored as Hell. There's no internet, not a club in sight and no booze to drink if there were. I would be a lot more depressed if it weren't for my girlfriend. She was talking to a frog the other day and he says he may know a way out.

(I understand this is a bit of a read so I included a tl:dr at the bottom)
This may end up becoming a wall of text so I apologize in advance. I'm not sure how to properly start this so I'll just jump into it. I've been living with my best friends for the past 8 years. The 4 of us moved in together in early 2016 after deciding it would be beneficial financially and because we all get along so damn well that we knew there wouldn't be any issues living under the same roof. Fast forward to today and although 2 them have moved out, I'm still living here with my one buddy and his girlfriend. Things are still great there, no signs of friendship deterioration, tolerance or anything that might cause friction between us. However, I've been witness to a few things as well as started experiencing health issues that have completely changed the outlook I had on life back when we moved in together nearly a decade ago.
A little over 3 years ago I began dealing with awful IBS issues that to this day are still not properly being treated as doctors can't figure out what's wrong with my gut. Over the past 4 months I have begun dealing with nearly debilitating anxiety that has left me pretty much unable to leave the house except for doctor's appointments or the extremely occasional outing to a family or friend's house where I'm only able to stay for about an hour before having to leave. I do see a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist and I am on medication for both the IBS and anxiety, which helps but is in no way a cure. Due to these issues, I have become a shell of the person I used to be. No longer do I wake up and just decide to take a drive to the Jersey shore, a trip to Six Flags or head into the city to catch a Phillies game. Instead, I sit in the house and play video games or watch youtube as doing almost anything else is sure to set my anxiety or IBS off which may or may not land me in the ER.
My buddy that I still live with has been through absolute hell the past few years but luckily he's the kind of person who can just raw dog life (as in, he doesn't deal with any physical or mental issues, rarely gets sick and has no trouble going anywhere, doing anything, can eat whatever he wants without issues, etc.). He lost his mom to cancer last year. She passed exactly one week after Mother's Day. She lived here with us for about the final year of her life. Me and him have been friends for a good 20+ years at this point so his mom was like a mother to me as well, especially being as I don't have a proper relationship with my own mother. Watching her suffer through years of cancer only to pass away at 54 years old was heartbreaking. At least she's finally at peace now, of course. Now, his dad is also going through cancer treatment which is a recurrence of cancer that was found years ago, which automatically makes it stage 4. His prognosis is not grim but to many of us, his dad just seems done with it all. He stays here with us on weekends and with his sister during the week. We can see how much of a toll it's all taking on him. He won't admit it but we know that he doesn't want to put his son through all of this again after losing his mom just last year. If he was given a choice to "go" right now, he would take it, 100% to alleviate any more potential suffering at his or anyone else's behalf. His (my friend's) girlfriend also deals with chronic health issues both physical and mental which has helped open his eyes to the things that other people (who can't just raw dog life) go through on a daily basis. She lost her father when she was in her early 20s so it's helpful to him that she understands what losing a parent feels like.
Watching all of this happen just makes me realize how little our health care industry and government actually seem to care about our true wishes regarding life and death. Why did his mom have to suffer all those years with a terminal diagnosis? Why does his dad have to suffer now? Just because they're both in their 50s and not elderly it seems like care is always about treatment and not giving them the option to leave this life with their dignity intact. I myself would choose to leave this world if the door was opened for me. That does not mean that I am currently having thoughts of killing myself. It means that if the option was presented to me, to go out on my own terms, I would take it. Suicide is still extremely taboo in our society for some reason. Religion and government would have you think it is a crime against humanity but what is more humane than letting someone decide on their own terms that they're ready to move on? We are given this broad illusion of choice as children that we will get to grow up to be who we want to be and if we just try hard enough, we can accomplish anything. But for the vast majority of us, that is just not true. It is an illusion. We work and work and work just to barely earn enough money to survive and many end up in unhappy marriages solely because that's what society made them think they had to do as an adult.
Watching someone you love like family suffer and die will change you. Developing health issues that flip you from being someone outgoing, spontaneous. hard working and passionate into the complete opposite of those things will change you. Discovering that our healthcare system and government will do everything it possibly can to keep you as a "functioning member of society" no matter whether you're going through cancer treatment or dealing with chronic health issues will change you.
I'm 37 years old and I've never felt older in my life than I do right now. It's been almost 3 months that I've been on FMLA from work for the second time in 3 years. I'm wearing a heart monitor because my cardiologist wants to rule out any issues as my heart racing/palpitations are most likely just due to anxiety. Medication doesn't feel like it's doing much of anything and I'm watching the people around me grow older and deal with new problems every day. Yet our society says that we must keep going, no matter if you're suffering because the gears must keep turning. If we truly have the choice to do whatever we want to do in life, why aren't we allowed the choice to leave when we are ready? Why is it taboo? People kill themselves in horrific fashion every single day, more than once every *minute* worldwide. They want a way to fix that and the solution is right there in front of them. Give people the option to leave on their own terms. I've had plenty of conversations about this with friends and family and almost every single one of us would choose to leave on our own terms, when we are ready if the option were available. Hell, even my psychologist agrees with me on this. There's always a big debate about the ethics of it all but until you witness firsthand someone suffering and dying or begin dealing with your own health issues there really isn't any way to understand it. The vast majority of people are out there just raw dogging life and thoughts like these never cross their mind even once. But once it's brought up to them, they understand and accept it, at least in my own personal experiences from talking with friends and family. Ethics, health, religion, government, society, all of these things play a role in determining our fate. I just hope that someday a program is put in place so that people no longer have to suffer.
Finishing up, I understand that my condition is nowhere near as bad as what many others may be dealing with. Some people will look at me with disdain for wanting to walk through the door at only 37 years old while others will understand exactly where I'm coming from and feel the same. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. I am appreciative of the healthcare system while also criticizing its flaws. I'm glad that religion provides so many with the means to live a happy and healthy life while also believing that many views (and laws) put forth by religious folk are vile and extremely outdated. I am glad that there are systems in place to help people in their darkest hours while also understanding completely why so many choose to leave. At 37 I still have plenty of my life left ahead of me, even if I don't want to get old. I still have things to look forward to such as video game releases or a new series to watch that keep me going. But I also acknowledge that there is a part of me that is ready to go. I have seen what life has to offer. I have lived with my family, on my own, while in a relationship and with my best friends. I do not want to get married or have kids. I do not want to work until I'm 65 (retirement age is likely to rise during my lifetime anyway). I do not want to get old and become a burden on anyone, either family/friends, healthcare workers or the average citizens who would have to pay for my social security.
Lose the illusion of choice and give people the option to go when they are ready.
If you managed to read through all of that, I just want to say thanks! Life is a beautiful thing and I am incredibly thankful for all of the amazing people I've met over the years and for the things that I've been able to do and see. This is not a post about wanting to commit suicide, it's main focus should be that we are forced into this world against our will and given the illusion of choice but when it comes down to it, we really don't have that much choice in how we live our lives and especially not when it comes to wanting it to end. Life can be incredibly fragile and many of us took that for granted until health issues decided it was time to show their ugly faces. I truly do not believe that feeling like you are ready to go should be considered taboo in any way. It should be something that everyone is provided a safe and comfortable space to discuss, whether with loved ones or medical professionals. For all of you out there just raw dogging life, I see you and I hope that someday I can get back to that, I really do miss being able to do whatever I wanted without a second thought. And of course, for anyone who knows what it feels like to be ready to go, to feel confident and comfortable with that decision, I see you as well and hope that the rest of society someday sees that as normal.
tl:dr I am 37 years old and over the past half decade I've watched family and people who were like family to me suffer and die from cancer or other health-related issues. I also deal with debilitating anxiety and IBS issues which obviously are nowhere near the level of something like cancer. However, I've discovered I have a feeling of "being ready to go" and I believe that people should be able to choose to leave this life with dignity and on their own terms without having to do something horrific. The healthcare industry, religious beliefs or government should not force us to remain here against our own free will just so we can keeps the gears of society turning. Let people leave on their own terms when they know that they are ready and get rid of the stigma surrounding talking about death.

Okay, so, me (22f), my brother Owen (26m) and his girlfriend Anna (27m) all live on my parents property. I moved back in after a series of unfortunate events and am currently attending university. Owen works with my dad and its easier for him to live at home, and Anna moved in with Owen pretty quickly.
I have no problem with Anna. She's really sweet, and funny, and overall a really good housemate, except for one thing.
They get intimate. A lot. At least twice a day. And the house has thin walls. I hate it, but I usually just plug my headphones in and focus on whatever. But one big issue I have is them consistently leaving the door open. Especially when I'm trying to sleep since my bedroom is right across from theirs. When the door is closed and they have some music playing or something, it's whatever. We all know what's going on, but at least there's an attempt there. But when the door is open, I can hear it clearly, I can SEE it clearly, it's gross.
I've asked them several times to make sure they keep the door closed and they keep forgetting. I started to threaten to throw the cat on them or just bust the door wide open if they don't shut it. They kept forgetting.
So, last night, everybody else is in bed by 8ish. They all had to work early. I was up until midnight before finally feeling ready to crash. As soon as I lay down to go to sleep, they start going at it.... with the door open.
I was pissed. I was tired, and I'm aware this is probably not accurate, but in the moment it felt like they waited for me to be in bed and I was sick of asking them nicely. So, I went over and busted the door open, exactly like I said I would do, and said "close your f*cking door."
This morning, as soon as I woke up, Anna says to me that was I did was innapropriate. I said doing it with the door open is innapropriate. She said they were about to close it when I did that.
Sure.
She then says to me "it's a part of growing up, Jane, you gotta deal with it." Like, EXCUSE ME!? It did not go well from there. I told her to piss off and go to work, she got pissed, Owen got pissed at me, told me to cut the shit, I said "If you wanna act like you live alone, get your own f*cking place." And then they stomped out the door.
So that's where I'm at now. I don't know, I feel justified. I've tried being nice, I've tried being firm, but they just can't seem to follow this simple request. I don't think asking them to keep the door shut and maybe put something on the TV is unreasonable, and yet, I'm being made to feel like an interloper in a place that's not even Owen's own house! Our parents agree with me, but Owen and Anna were pretty mad me...
Am I wrong?

With all the new players entering the game as of late, a lot of the same questions get asked - specifically, ones like "How can I make the perfect team for classic/endless/etc.?". The guide ahead is an attempt at answering more common questions on the former end, from the perspective of someone who almost exclusively plays Classic and many wins under my belt in doing so. Community feedback welcome; hopefully something like this can expand into something like a wiki/full guide so we can help new players down the line, too!
Classic and You: Starting Out
So you just picked up the game, but not sure where to start. "Which starters are best?" "What team should I go with first?" "I unlocked [x] - can I beat Classic with this?"
Let me reassure you: you can beat Classic with anything. (Yes, even something like Caterpie.)
That said, it's understandable to not know where to start, especially if you don't know all the starters, or maybe haven't played all the various generations of Pokemon through the years. Many of them have their own strengths and weaknesses, and some are built stronger than others. For example: Fuecoco is commonly the #1 recommended starter out of the base selection you get when first starting the game. Why? His final evolution, Skeledirge, naturally learns Torch Song, which is a hard-hitting fire move that guarantees a Sp. Attack buff each time it hits. This lets you snowball fairly quickly, as each attack makes you stronger and stronger during battles. Many starters have "specialty" tricks like this that give them an edge - Sprigatito's final evolution, for instance, gets Flower Trick, a hard-hitting grass move that always crits (and therefore always ignores opponent defensive boosts and/or your own negative debuffs). Even with all these being the case, though, there's no "perfect" team to start with that will guarantee a win - and in fact, getting a win on your first run can be exceedingly difficult. Your starters all only have 10 IVs, neutral natures, and no egg moves - they're the bare bones minimum to get going. And that's okay. But it means you need to temper your expectations.
Pokerogue is a rogue-like - and in classic rogue-like form, you build upon what you start with little by little. Your primary goal shouldn't be to get a Classic win at the start. It's certainly doable, but even if you win, you're still likely without any reliable starter to take on Endless just yet, so there's no sense in rushing there. Instead, focus on that concept of building - specifically, building your starter pool. Every time you catch something, you unlock it as a starter (if you don't have it yet). You also get candies, which can be used to power up those starters by either unlocking a passive ability (unlocking additional features) or reducing their point cost, letting you bring more starters to each run (or more powerful ones!). Catching things with higher IVs also make your starting stats better - catching a 31 Speed IV Pidgey, for instance, means your Pidgey starter now permanently has 31 Speed IVs. More stats = more power, and getting higher IVs on your starters is probably the biggest early jump you can get on pushing your team further.
With this in mind, making a "perfect" team is less important than just making A team, so that we can go out and catch some things. As for what to catch, though, here's a list of things I'd keep an eye out for:

• Anything with a missing and/or "dark" pokeball under their name. Just like in some of the main Pokemon games, Pokemon in Pokerogue will be marked with a pokeball if they've been captured before. If it's missing, and you want it as a starter, catch it! More importantly, though, is the "darkened" icon of the pokeball - this indicates that you've unlocked the starter, but this one has something you don't have yet; maybe a gender, or maybe an ability you don't have yet. For instance, a Meowth starter that you have may only have Pickup, but the one in battle before you now has Technician. Catching these "darkened ball" pokemon will unlock more options for your starters, letting you switch between these unlockables at the pokemon select screen when you start your later runs. I generally recommend catching as many of these as possible - in the beginning, it'll seem like every pokemon has a dark ball, but that's because you don't have many things unlocked yet. As you unlock more things, they'll get rarer - and more importantly, when you start looking for those elusive Hidden Abilities (HAs), these darkened balls will help you discover them more easily when you have everything else already unlocked. Remember, this is a rogue-like - we're building our starters here for future runs!
• Anything "rare". This is somewhat subjective, because "rare" can mean anything from "hard to find" to "legendary". In general, though, I recommend keeping an eye out for things you don't see often - starters, for instance, or legendary/pseudo-legendary/ultra beast/etc. "boss" monsters at the end of every 10 waves. But catching duplicates serves a secondary purpose - remember, it also gets you candies, which you can use to power up those rare pokemon starters you have later. Getting candies from friendship is certainly doable, but especially for rarelegendary pokemon, this can take a loooooong while. Catch them if you can to make it easier on yourself later. (A sub-point of this: If a rare or starter is available in a daily run, consider "farming" the daily run over and over to catch them again and again! Many of the daily run guides point these out intentionally for this reason - daily runs can sometimes be the best way to target farm candies in this way.)
• Anything you plan on using a lot. Somewhat of another sub-point of the above, catching duplicates of things you know you'll use often can be useful for candy collection. Specifically, this works well for things you know you'll use often - your first few shinies, for instance, or general-use pokemon that have Pickup. Build your Zigzagoon army! Candy collecting is especially useful for these to reduce costs, letting you take more of them with your legendary into Endless mode when you get to that point.
• Any shiny. This goes without saying for many, but shinies are the lifeblood of Pokerogue. You need them...a lot of them. They come in three flavors - starting from the weakest, a yellow shiny (Luck 1), then blue (Luck 2), and finally red (Luck 3), with the color being the "star" marker of the shiny pokemon on their HP bar. Eventually you'll want as many Luck 3 shinies as you can get your hands on, but when you're starting out, you're building from 0 - so catch any you see, even if it means failing your Classic run to do so. A new run takes an hour to start back up; a new shiny could take days or even weeks to find in Classic. (Ideally, though, don't be afraid to refresh/"save scum" to try and find a way to catch it without sacrificing your run if you can, and if you're willing. No sense in wasting all that work.)
• Don't neglect your team. Remember, our eventual goal is to win Classic...but more importantly, we're hoping to get as far as we can, and 190 if possible. The sprint from 180-190 is the most profitable floor in Classic for egg vouchers, with each Elite 4 member & the Champion at 190 giving them upon victory (Plus, first time wins get you bonus achievement vouchers too - two for one!). With this in mind, you want to make sure to balance your team out as you go, and don't neglect it as you progress. Perhaps your team needs a good rock-type wall to throw in the way of hard-hitting trainer pokemon. Maybe you're looking for a Ground-type to soak all those electric moves you keep running into in the electrical biomes. Good team building will carry you further than any IV or egg move ever could. Even the strongest legendaries can fold to a weakness.

This "starting out" phase doesn't have a specific length of time to get past - everyone progresses at their own pace, and some will get luckier with egg pulls and catches than others. Don't get discouraged. Just keep building on what you have - that's your initial goal, and it only gets easier as you do it.
As you start going through your Classic runs, the main resource you're looking to accumulate at first is egg vouchers - as many as you can get your grubby little new player hands on. Beating gym leaders, Elite 4 members, the Champion, and beating Classic all reward you with them. Doing the Daily Run each day also rewards you with a 10x pull voucher. Rarely, they can even show up after beating a stage in the item choice rewards - if so, pick them, usually over most anything else. Eggs build on your starters, and usually with either massively boosted IVs or egg moves to give them considerable bumps in power. Rarely, you can even get shinies from them.
And speaking of the egg gacha: only pull from the Shiny gacha at first. The entirety of your goal as a new player should be accumulating shinies. The legendary gacha is misleading - you only get increased odds for the shown legendary, not all of them (at least as of this post), and even then legendaries often have a huge starter cost tacked onto them, making teambuilding difficult early on. Once you build up your starter collection with a good few handfuls of shinies, and are cruising along in Endless vacuuming up vouchers, you can spend some on the other gachas for specific niches if you like (move gacha for egg moves, legendary gacha for legendaries), but for the most part the shiny gacha is where the money's at. Besides, the shiny gacha can hatch legendaries, too - so you're not missing out on legendaries by not hitting its specific gacha.
I Got a Few Shinies And Legendaries - What Now?
Alright, so you've been cruising along, catching everything you see and building your starter pool like the rockstar rogue-like player you are. Keep building from here, but now you have more options - you can start bringing shinies on your Classic runs to improve the quality of item rewards you get at the end of each floor; you can maybe even bring a legendary/ultra beast along to have an easier time against the end boss and get that first win. At this point, if you haven't gotten that first win yet, now's the time to start knuckling down and making a serious go at it. Some general points of advice for Classic success I haven't yet covered:

• Early on, focus on 1-2 pokemon. Ignore the rest. Same advice as in Endless works here. This perhaps sounds counter-intuitive, but until at least floor 30-40, try your absolute hardest to only focus on leading with 1-2 pokemon (and that second one should ideally only be necessary to cover the weaknesses of the first). Your immediate early-game hurdles are the two rival battles at floors 8 and 25 (and maybe a Gym Leader battle at 20), and if you try to level everyone evenly you're going to find it harder to win. The Exp All and Exp Charms you get from rival battles and item rewards will more than catch your team up later even if you don't ever use them...so don't worry about them for now. Right now, you're creating the Ultimate Early Game Juggernaut(s) to get you through the initial hurdles.
• Be frugal with your money in the beginning. In Endless, it's common practice to reroll often to look for specific items - candy jars, rare candies, etc. That's because in that mode, once you get set up you have almost unlimited income. In Classic, your income is much more limited (usually hovering ~$100k or so by the mid to late floors), and you don't have the luxury of blindly rerolling for optimal results. The option to "save scum" your re-rolls exists, if you were willing - after winning a floor, check the rerolls, and if you don't like any of the offerings, refresh the page. This will "start the floor over", resetting the rewards and refunding your money. This isn't really necessary, though; in fact, I rarely reroll rewards at all until floors 180-200, and often settle with generic healing/item rewards. Why? You'll notice through your runs that in the midgame (floors 50-150, mainly), you'll accumulate quite a bit of gold; instead of using this gold for rerolls then, where it doesn't help much, you should instead wait for the later floors where you start to take on the toughest opponents of the run - the Elite 4 and Champion on floors 180-190, the final rival battle at 195, and the final boss at 200. Specifically, 180-190 is where you'll buy more healing items than perhaps the rest of the run combined (to keep your team healthy in between each Elite 4/Champion battle), and 190-200 are where you really want to look for things like X [stat] items to give your team that extra "oomph". Even the strongest legendaries fear a Butterfree packing +4 X Specials and an X Speed. Money saved early on lets you dump it into rerolls later where it matters most. (Don't ruin your run by being *too* frugal, though - if your party is near death early on, spend it. You can't spend it later on if you're dead.)
• Pickup is NOT necessary (but it is helpful). I see a lot of general advice in posts on pokerogue that tell new players to stack Pickup team members on Classic. This isn't necessary, or even arguably desirable past maybe the first 20-30 floors unless you're running a very strong carry that can solo all 200 floors (which is extremely unlikely, and far more difficult to boot). I've won Classic many times without using Pickup at all, and I can't say as I miss it when I don't have it. More importantly, you need to be cautious which items you're picking up - the end boss can and WILL use them against you, so things like Sitrus/Enigma/stat boosting berries that you picked up along your 200 floors suddenly seem a lot less useful when they're in enemy hands. That said, if you bring someone along with Pickup, be generous with handing out berries and other items to your party regularly using the "Transfer" option, so you can reap the benefits all throughout your 200 floors. Sitrus, Enigma, and the speed/attack boosting berries in particular are great in trainerival battles where you expect to take hits and want to revenge kill things. In the endgame against the final boss, though, perhaps load everything on a party member you hope never to bring out (such as your Pickup mon) so they don't get stolen. (Hot take: I prefer to use no berries at all in my Classic runs if possible, with one exception: Lum! Lum is amazing for healing status effects, especially when it feels like some trainers have all the hacks against you, and it doesn't feel bad if/when it gets stolen later.)
• The same goes for Pokerus. The biggest advantage to having pokerus is capping out your levels faster; even without it, in the later floors you'll still cap your levels by each final stage so long as you pick up a charm or two along the way (which you'll usually do, pokerus or not). It's also a decent help for that floor 11-25 range where you're at your weakest and that second rival challenge comes knocking. In Endless it's common practice to take a pokerus pokemon so your carry can keep up with the level gains of the floors until you get fully set up; in Classic, the scaling doesn't feel nearly that punishing. If you can bring a good pokerus pokemon, though, it's more helpful than not - just don't go out of your way for it or feel like it's "necessary".
• Understand how biomes work, at least somewhat. Many of them chain into each other naturally, which is part of where the memes come from regarding "endless water biomes" or similar. As you start to expand your starting 2-3 into a full 6, know what biomes you need to look for and what to avoid. This is part of why the Map is one of my favorite item rewards to pick early on - it lets you target farm the remaining members of your team much easier, and towards the last 50-80 floors you can choose the easier ones to coast through while you finish building your team. In particular, routes you need to keep in mind:
  • You always start in "Town" and move into "Plains"; this is 100% guaranteed in every Classic run. This means the first 20 floors are always weighted heavily to normal- and grass-types. When building your starting team, it's helpful to keep this in mind - for instance, picking up things strong against these two types (shoutout to Flamigo/Hawlucha!) and maybe not bringing a grass type knowing that you're likely to catch one early on if you're desperate for filler.
  • "Metropolis" vs. "Lake" vs. "Grass": Moving out of Plains, these are your three options available if you have the Map by now. The biome you leave Plains for is the biggest observation you can make for your run - it will dictate how you form the rest of your team as you progress into the midgame. If you get diverted to Lake, but need an Electric-type (for instance), you need to find a way to get the map to divert to "Construction Site" or loop back to Plains, or you may be hard pressed to find an Electric-type at all in your entire run. The same goes for Fairy- and Steel-types - "Fairy Cave", the biome with the largest quantity of fairy types, is only accessible through "Meadows", which requires you to go through the forest biomes first. If you're not looking like you're going through those areas, you'll need to be less picky about what fairy-types you come across if you hope to snag one. (I recommend visiting the wiki for their nice little flowchart diagram if you ever want a more nuanced look into each path and where they can potentially lead, along with what spawns in each.)
• Build a well-rounded team. Building mono-type teams is cute, but ultimately extra work. Focus on coverage and being able to handle anything that comes along - remember, the last floors feature a variety of Elite 4 members and the Champion, all of which will require a varied approach on what types of Pokemon to bring for best results. By floor 100, you should either have most of your team set or a plan to fill the rest out by the time you reach ~170. By 180 it's likely too late (with the exception of maybe getting a last Mushroom or TM to fill out a moveset).

Hello, to begin with I want to add that I never judge people by their look and I do not make assumptions based on that, but in this story I will describe the people as they looked so u can feel it more.
The story that happened to me today:
I had a broken arm and went to the doctor today. In our country, the waiting time in hospitals for such a check is up to 3 hours. The waiting rooms are post-communist, old, white walls and blue uncomfortable chairs. After about half an hour of waiting in a waiting room full of people of all ages, who were also after some sort of injury, a 2-meter middle-aged man came to the waiting room, who at first glance looked somewhat strange. He sat down on a chair and his girlfriend or sister came behind him, I don't know what of those two it was, but she looked even weirder than him. The guy had a tucked-in T-shirt in his pants with the inscription PRAGUE and the Czech flag on the front of the t-shirt. He had rustler pants pulled up high. His posture was stooped. He had brown, thinning hair and thick-rimmed glasses. Blue eyes that only had an empty look. Huge palms, since he was about 2 meters. The woman who was with him was missing several teeth. She was overweight and of average height. She was wearing gray leggings, a t-shirt that was short so part of her stomach was visible, and an unzipped dark green jacket. Both of them showed that they were not completely in order and looked a little dirty, but not like street dirty, more like they just dont take care of them self AT ALL dirty. The woman looked much dirtier. They sat down not far from me and at first it was quiet. Subsequently, the guy started talking, first in silence and to himself, he started commenting everything around him. For example, another patient in the waiting room was wearing a cap and the strange guy said. "Look, the moron still has his cap on. Can you understand that?!? haha" He always laughed really unpleasantly after one of his drastic comments. Horror type laugh. He could be heard and people were looking around at him. As we were all waiting in the waiting room, a nurse came out and according to the ordinary number, called a very old lady who had broken her arm and was going to be checked. The strange guy was sitting closest to the door, so everyone was walking around him. As the grandmother slowly got up from her chair (obviously because she is old), the strange guy aggressively shouted: "WELL MOVE, MOVE, COMMON!!!" Everyone pretended not to hear him and no one ever spoke up. As he commented, he said something that I didn't fully understand, something like: "And what does this tattooed moron think of himself???" That should have been on me because I was the only one in the waiting room with tattoos on my body. So I looked at him and asked him: "You talking to me?"
The strange guy aggressively raised his voice and answered: "YES, I SAID THAT ABOUT YOU AND WHAT DO YOU CARE, DO I MIND YOU?" type shit, to which I replied that he was shouting in a waiting room full of people like he is out of his fucking mind and that's when it started. The guy started almost shouting on entire waiting room: "OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND? YOU CAN BE SURE THAT I AM OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND, I'M 100% SCHIZOPHRENIC. I WILL KILL YOU AND I WILL NOT EVEN GO TO JAIL. THEY WILL JUST LOCK ME IN AN INSTITUTE AGAIN :)… YOU WILL END UP UNDERGROUND BECAUSE GOD DOESN'T WANT YOU IN HEAVEN! YOU WILL DIE!!! AND YOU KNOW WHAT, AT LEAST THERE WILL BE ONE LESS BRAT. A VEIN IN YOUR NECK WILL RUPTURE AND YOU'LL BLEED OUT, YOU'LL SEE. BUT I DON'T WANT TO RETURN TO THE INSTITUTE... I DON'T WANT TO RETURN. MRS. GUIDE I DONT WANT TO GO BACK”. The woman who was with him just watched blankly, motionless, without emotion. I didn't answer him, I shook my head and gave a thumbs up as he aggressively said he was going to kill me. I felt a slight fear and a rush of adrenaline, of course I did nothing. WTF? The guy was visibly sick in the head and god knows what would happen if I reacted to this. Afterwards, he kept talking. Totally random stuff. "Look at how he stares at the phone, that's even worse than alcohol, he's addicted. I saw that on TV" again at me. The woman was silent. A hospital bed arrived in the waiting room, on which lay a very old grandmother who had probably fallen and hit herself somehow. She was lying and holding her head up, she told her daughter that it doesn't hurt, when she hold her head up like that so she has to have her head up. The guy heard it and to the entire waiting room: "YOU DON'T HAVE TO. THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO IS DIE. HAHAH. OTHER THAN THAT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING. HAHA :) NO ONE HAS TO DO ANYTHING BUT EVERYONE HAS TO FUCKING DIE. END UP UNDERGROUND. HAHAHAHA. PSST PSST… SHUT UP, BE QUIET” he said to himself and started rocking in his chair. As the patients went in order, he was angry that there were people ahead of him. The nurse called the next patient in line to the ambulance. It was a mother with a baby in a stroller. The guy said out loud, "WHY ARE YOU GOING? YOU AND YOUR CHILD ARE SOMETHING MORE?”. No one in the waiting room noticed him, people just nodded their heads. After the check-up, the mother and the child came out of the doctor's office and this strange guy said: "WHAT, YOU'RE FINALLY GOING AWAY. WHY WERE YOU THE MAIN???" The woman said with a very calm tone: my child is sick. The strange guy: "And you work?! You have a job!?" The woman said yes and when she saw that he was aggressive, she started walking away. While she was walking away, the guy was talking louder and louder at her: "DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID? SHE THINKS I'M STUPID AND THAT I DON'T KNOW THAT SHE'S ON KINDERGARTEN WITH HER BABY! HAHAHAHA” . It was really terrible, I was really afraid that he will attack somebody. The guy also said things like: "NO. NO. I DON'T WANT TO GET MY HANDS DIRTY AGAIN. Pssst, psssst. SILENCE!..... I have to drink, I have dry in my mouth. dry like sahara i am. DRINK, BECAUSE YOUR KIDNEYS WILL DRY UP!” The doctor called number 12 in, which was me, and this strange guy was sitting about 2 cm from the door to the ambulance. He said something again, but I didn't even listen to his words anymore, I was just careful when I walked by, that I wouldn't get hit or that something would poke me. I went to the doctor and the doctor asked who was screaming like that. I told him what it was about and he told me that I shouldn't pay attention to such people. He checked my hand and I went away. As I was leaving, the guy was talking loudly: "NOW GO. AND YOU HAVE FREE TIME, EXCELLENT HAHA” . And I walked away.
All this was very strange and my first encounter with such a sick person. ou could see on him that he really mean those things. The whole time I had a very bad feeling. The guy looked exactly like some kind of psychopath, like some serial killer who keeps the heads of his victims in the refrigerator so that he can feel dominance over them forever type shit and cant tell the difference between good and bad. I wouldn't be surprised at all if in a few years I see him and his wife in the news that a dead body was found at their home.
Did you have any encounters like this? I want to know

Hey everyone,
I am currently 32 days sober, which is the longest I have ever gone through my own individual willpower (the longest I've gone was a result of visiting my girlfriend overseas, can't drink when youre with someone 24/7 and didn't want to risk secretly drinking and getting caught.) Overall I truly do feel significantly better than I did drinking, but in some ways I'm still dying for a drink, and on the worst of days I contemplate giving in. The worst part of it is I don't wanna drink with friends or at a party, I want to get my pint of vodka (which I know in the end won't be nearly enough to leave me satisfied, but my brain justifies the amount because it's not "that much alcohol"), wait till everyone is asleep and drink myself into oblivion doing something mindless like poorly playing a game or watching a show I won't remember the plot of the next day. Something about the numbness just absolutely entices me at this moment.
The driving force in my ability to stay sober this long has been a complete reset of my openness with alcoholism. At my last relapse, I told my girlfriend, my family, and my friends what had happened and that I truly had no option to drink any more, no matter what. Having this clean slate has kept me honest, and everytime I want to drink thinking of having to go back to being a liar about my sobriety and the secrecy scares me away from relapse well enough. The thought of having to rebuild these 32 days from 0 also turns me away almost always, but today I just can't seem to get the idea of a drink out of my head.
I think I'm struggling to come to grips with sober life, the lack of easy and immediete external dopamine boost to quell the boredom and emptiness I feel without the crutch of alcohol. I've been to AA multiple times but found it counter intuitive for me personally, in some ways it helped but in more ways it almost triggered me to want to drink more, I can't really explain why. I try to fill my time with hobbies and social interactions, and I am in therapy which helps a lot. I have an incredible amount of support from family and friends. But at the same time, I feel like there is so much worry and sadness within my mind that nothing seems to truly subdue, and my addict brain loves to remind me that alcohol will let me escape, which might be true for 10 minutes, but even in my deepest cravings I know I won't find what I'm looking for, and I'll only feel worse for it.
I don't know what the point of posting this is. Maybe to get my thoughts out of my head, to hold myself accountable, or to let someone else in my position let them know they aren't alone in how they feel, and in turn make me feel less alone, because right now I do feel very alone. I am on my lunch break and its taking everything I can to not go to the store and get my vodka that I can hide until tonight when I finally crack it open and the external world melts into the background. At times like this my girlfriend has said she wants me to reach out to her so I don't do anything I'll regret, but at the same time she doesnt understand what its like. She cant fathom the idea of wanting a drink at 11am to make the day better, she barely drinks even with people at events, and so it makes it feel almost shameful and like I'll worry her to reach out, making me not want to. Idunno.
This sub has been extremely important to my sobriety, and I want to thank everyone here for your help and hope that we can get through this disease together.
Thanks for reading.

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• Surviving The Aftermath
• Swag and Sorcery
• Sword Legacy Omen
• Sword of the Necromancer
• Swords and Soldiers 2 Shawarmageddon
• Syberia 3
• Symphonic Rain
• Symphony of War: The Nephilim Saga
• Synthwave Dream '85
• Tacoma
• Take Off - The Flight Simulator
• Tales
• Tales from the Borderlands
• Tales of Vesperia™: Definitive Edition
• Talk to Strangers
• Tallowmere
• Tangledeep
• Tank Mechanic Simulator
• Tannenberg
• Team Sonic Racing
• TEKKEN 7
• TEMTEM
• Terminus: Zombie Survivors
• Terror of Hemasaurus
• Textorcist
• Tharsis
• The Adventure Pals
• The Amazing American Circus
• The Anacrusis
• The Ascent
• The Battle of Polytopia
• The Battle of Polytopia *DLC1. Cymanti Tribe *DLC2. ∑∫ỹriȱŋ Tribe *DLC3. Aquarion Tribe *DLC4. Polaris Tribe
• The Blackout Club
• The Chess Variants Club
• The Citadel
• The Dark Pictures Anthology: House of Ashes
• THE DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: LITTLE HOPE
• The Darkest Tales
• The Dungeon Beneath
• The Dungeon of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet of Chaos
• The Elder Scrolls Adventures: Redguard
• The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind® Game of the Year Edition
• The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion® Game of the Year Edition
• The Elder Scrolls Online
• The Escapists 2
• THE GAME OF LIFE 2
• The Golf Club™ 2019 featuring PGA TOUR
• THE GUNK
• The Haunted Island, a Frog Detective Game
• The Hong Kong Massacre
• The Horror Of Salazar House
• The Indie Mixtape
• The Innsmouth Case
• The Invisible Hours
• The Jackbox Party Pack 9
• The Last Campfire
• The LEGO Movie 2 Videogame
• The Letter - Horror Visual Novel
• The Long Dark
• The Manhole: Masterpiece Edition
• The Mortuary Assistant
• The Mummy Demastered
• The Outer Worlds
• THE OUTER WORLDS: SPACER'S CHOICE EDITION
• THE PALE BEYOND
• The Quarry
• The Quarry deluxe
• The Ramp
• The Red Lantern
• The Rewinder
• The Sacred Tears TRUE
• The Sexy Brutale
• The Smurfs - Mission Vileaf
• The Tarnishing of Juxtia
• The Tenants
• The Uncertain - The Last Quiet Day
• THE UNCERTAIN: LAST QUIET DAY
• The Uncertain: Light At The End
• The USB Stick Found in the Grass
• The Walking Dead
• The Walking Dead - 400 Days
• The Walking Dead Saints and Sinners
• The Walking Dead: A New Frontier
• The Walking Dead: Final Season
• The Walking Dead: Michonne - A Telltale Miniseries
• The Walking Dead: Saints & Sinners
• The Walking Dead: Season 1
• The Walking Dead: Season Two
• The Way
• The Wild At Heart
• The Wild Eight
• The Witness
• Them and Us
• They Bleed Pixels
• Thief of Thieves
• This War of Mine
• This Way Madness Lies
• Three Kingdom: The Journey
• Time on Frog Island
• Tinkertown
• Tiny Tina’s Wonderland(EU)
• TINY TINA'S WONDERLANDS CHAOTIC GREAT EDITION
• Tiny Troopers
• Tinykin
• Tinytopia
• TIS-100
• Titan Quest
• Tokyo Xanadu eX+
• Tools up
• Tooth and Tail
• Torchlight
• Total Tank Simulator
• Tour de France 2020
• Tower Unite
• Trailblazers
• Train Sim World 3: Standard Edition
• Train Simulator Classic
• Train Valley 1
• Transport INC
• Treasure Hunter Simulator
• TRIBES OF MIDGARD
• Trine 4
• Trinity Fusion
• Trombone Champ
• Tropico 5 - Complete Collection
• Trover Saves the Universe
• Tunche
• Turmoil
• Turok 2: Seeds of Evil
• Twin Mirror
• Two Point Campus
• Two Point Hospital
• TYPECAST
• Tyrant's Blessing
• Ultimate Chicken Horse
• Ultimate Zombie Defense
• Ultra Space Battle Brawl
• Unavowed
• Undead Horde
• Unexplored 2: The Wayfarer's Legacy
• Unity of Command: Stalingrad Campaign
• Universim
• UNLOVED
• Unpacking
• Until I have you
• Unto The End
• Upside Down
• URU: Complete Chronicles
• Vagante
• Valfaris
• Valfaris: Mecha Therion
• Valkryia Chronicles 4 Complete Edition
• Valkyria Chronicles 4 Complete Edition
• Valkyria Chronicles 4: Complete Edition
• Vambrace: Cold Soul
• Vampire Survivors
• Vectronom
• Velocity Noodle
• Venba
• Verne: The Shape of Fantasy
• Victoria 3
• Victoria II
• Viking: Battle For Asgard
• Virgo Versus The Zodiac
• VirtuaVerse
• Visage
• Viscerafest
• Void Bastards
• VOIDIGO
• Volcanoids
• Voltage High Society
• V-Rally 4
• Wanderlust: Travel Stories (GOG)
• Wargroove
• Warhammer 40,000 Sanctus Reach - Complete Edition
• Warhammer 40,000: Armageddon - Imperium Complete
• Warhammer 40,000: Battlesector
• Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Relics of War
• Warhammer 40,000: Mechanicus
• Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf Special Edition
• WARHAMMER AGE OF SIGMAR: REALMS OF RUIN – ULTIMATE EDITION
• Warhammer vermintide collector's edition
• Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide
• Warhammer: Vermintide 2
• Warman
• Wasteland 3
• Wayward
• WE NEED TO GO DEEPER
• We should talk.
• We Were Here Together
• We Were Here Too
• Webbed
• What Lies in the Multiverse
• When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
• while True: learn()
• Whos Your daddy
• Wick
• Will You Snail?
• Windward
• Witch It
• Witchy Life Story
• wizard of legends
• Wolfenstein 3D
• Worms Rumble
• WRC 6 FIA World Rally Championship
• WRC 7 FIA World Rally Championship
• WWE 2K Battlegrounds
• WWE 2K23
• WWZ Aftermath
• Wytchwood
• X-COM: COMPLETE PACK
• XCOM: ULTIMATE COLLECTION
• XIII - Classic
• X-Morph: Defense + European Assault, Survival of the Fittest, and Last Bastion DLC
• X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack
• Yakuza Kiwami
• Yumeutsutsu Re:After
• Yumeutsutsu Re:Master
• Zen Chess: Mate in One, Mate in 2 , Mate in 3 , Mate in 4 , Champion's Moves (5 games)
• Ziggurat
• Zombie Army 4
• Zombie Army Trilogy
• Zool Redimensioned

DLCs and Softwares:

• For The King: Lost Civilization Adventure Pack
• Train Simulator: Isle of Wight Route Add-On
• Train Simulator: Woodhead Electric Railway in Blue Route Add-On
• Train Simulator: North Somerset Railway Route Add-On
• Train Simulator: Union Pacific Heritage SD70ACes Loco Add-On
• Train Simulator: London to Brighton Route Add-On
• BR Class 170 'Turbostar' DMU Add-On
• DB BR 648 Loco Add-On
• Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
• Expansion - Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
• Expansion - Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
• Grand Central Class 180 'Adelante' DMU Add-On
• Peninsula Corridor: San Francisco - Gilroy Route Add-On
• SONIC ADVENTURE 2: BATTLE
• Small World - A Spider's Web
• Small World - Cursed
• Small World - Royal Bonus
• The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos - Goodies Pack
• The Dungeon Of Naheulbeuk: The Amulet Of Chaos - OST
• Thompson Class B1 Loco Add-On
• Total War: Shogun 2 - Rise of the Samurai
• Train Sim World® 3: Birmingham Cross-city line
• Train Sim World®: BR Class 20 'Chopper' Loco
• Train Sim World®: Brighton Main Line: London Victoria - Brighton
• Train Sim World®: Caltrain MP36PH-3C 'Baby Bullet'
• Train Sim World®: Cathcart Circle Line: Glasgow - Newton & Neilston
• Train Sim World®: Clinchfield Railroad: Elkhorn - Dante
• Train Sim World®: Great Western Express
• Train Sim World®: Hauptstrecke Hamburg - Lubeck
• Train Sim World®: LIRR M3 EMU
• Train Sim World®: Long Island Rail Road: New York - Hicksville
• Train Sim World®: Nahverkehr Dresden - Riesa
• Train Sim World®: Northern Trans-Pennine: Manchester - Leeds
• Train Sim World®: Peninsula Corridor: San Francisco - San Jose
• Train Sim World®: Rhein-Ruhr Osten: Wuppertal - Hagen
• Train Sim World®: Tees Valley Line: Darlington - Saltburn-by-the-sea
• Worms Rumble - Armageddon Weapon Skin Pack
• Worms Rumble - Captain & Shark Double Pack
• Worms Rumble - Legends Pack
• Worms Rumble - New Challengers Pack
• Ashampoo Photo Optimizer 7
• Dagon: by H. P. Lovecraft - The Eldritch Box DLC
• Duke Nukem Forever Hail to the Icons
• Duke Nukem Forever The Doctor Who Cloned Me
• GRIP: Combat Racing - Cygon Garage Kit
• GRIP: Combat Racing - Nyvoss Garage Kit
• GRIP: Combat Racing - Terra Garage Kit
• GRIP: Combat Racing - Vintek Garage Kit
• GameGuru
• GameMaker Studio 2 Creator 12 Months
• Intro to Game Development with Unity
• Music Maker EDM Edition
• Neverwinter Nights: Darkness Over Daggerford
• Neverwinter Nights: Enhanced Edition Dark Dreams of Furiae
• Neverwinter Nights: Enhanced Edition Tyrants of the Moonsea
• Neverwinter Nights: Enhanced Edition
• Neverwinter Nights: Infinite Dungeons
• Neverwinter Nights: Pirates of the Sword Coast
• Neverwinter Nights: Wyvern Crown of Cormyr
• PDF-Suite 1 Year License
• Pathfinder Second Edition Core Rulebook and Starfinder Core Rulebook
• RPG Maker VX
• WWE 2K BATTLEGROUNDS - Ultimate Brawlers Pass
• We Are Alright
• The Outer Worlds Expansion Pass
• A Hat in Time - Seal the Deal DLC
• City Skylines:mass transit
• A Game Of Thrones - A Dance With Dragons
• A Game Of Thrones - A Feast For Crows
• Blood Rage: Digital Edition - Gods of Asgard
• Blood Rage: Digital Edition - Mythical Monsters
• Blood Rage: Digital Edition - Mystics of Midgard
• Carcassonne - The Princess and The Dragon DLC
• Carcassonne - Traders & Builders DLC
• Carcassonne - Winter & Gingerbread Man DLC
• Carcassonne - Inns & Cathedrals
• Carcassonne - The River
• Splendor: The Trading Posts DLC
• Splendor: The Strongholds DLC
• Splendor: The Cities DLC
• Small World - Be Not Afraid... DLC
• Small World - Grand Dames DLC
• Small World - Cursed!
• Sands of Salzaar - The Ember Saga
• Sands of Salzaar - The Tournament
• Monster Train: The Last Divinity DLC
• WARSAW

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Wishlist
Region: NA (Canada)
Fees on buyer if any, currency is USD unless specified
CTRL + F to find your games in terms of name

• 10 Second Ninja X
• 11-11 Memories Retold
• 112 Operator
• 12 is Better Than 6
• 198X
• 1993 Space Machine
• 60 Parsecs
• 7 Billion Humans
• 8 DOORS
• 8-bit Adventure Anthology: Volume I
• 9 Years of Shadows
• 911 Operator
• A Game of Thrones: The Board Game
• A Hat in Time
• A Hole New World
• A JUGGLER'S TALE
• A Long Way Down
• A PLAGUE TALE: INNOCENCE
• A Robot Named Fight!
• A Tale for Anna
• A.I.M.2 Clan Wars
• Ace Combat Assault Horizon Enhanced Edition
• Adore
• Aeterna Noctis
• AETHERIS
• Agatha Christie Hercule Poirot The First Cases
• AIdol
• Airborne Kingdom
• Alba: A Wildlife Adventure
• Alder's Blood: Definitive Edition
• Alfred Hitchcock - Vertigo
• Alien Breed Trilogy
• Aliens vs. Predator™ Collection
• All-Star Fruit Racing
• Almost There: The Platformer
• American Fugitive
• American Truck Simulator
• Amerzone: The Explorer’s Legacy
• AMID EVIL
• Amnesia rebirth
• Amnesia: The Dark Descent + Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs
• Anomalous
• Another World – 20th Anniversary Edition
• Antigraviator
• Anuchard
• APICO
• APICO
• Aragami
• Aragami 2
• Arboria
• Arcade Paradise
• Arcade Paradise - Arcade Paradise EP
• Arcade Spirits
• Arkham Horror: Mother's Embrace
• Armada 2526 Gold Edition
• Army Men RTS
• army of ruin
• Arto
• Ary and the Secret of Seasons
• As Far as the Eye
• Ascension to the Throne
• Assemble With Care
• Assetto Corsa Competizione
• Assetto Corsa Ultimate Edition
• Astebreed Definitive Edition
• Astronarch
• Attack of the Earthlings
• Automachef
• Automobilista
• Automobilista 2
• AUTONAUTS
• AUTONAUTS VS PIRATEBOTS
• Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora™ - Ubisoft Connect
• AVICII Invector: Encore Edition
• Awesomenauts All Nauts pack
• Baba is you
• Back 4 Blood
• Back 4 blood (EU)
• Backbone
• Baldur's Gate II: Enhanced Edition
• Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition
• Banners of Ruin
• Bartlow's Dread Machine
• BASEMENT
• Batbarian: Testament of the Primordials
• Batman: Arkham Asylum Game of the Year Edition
• Batman: Arkham Origins
• Battle Royale Tycoon
• Battlecruisers
• Battlestar Galactica Deadlock
• BATTLESTAR GALACTICA DEADLOCK SEASON ONE
• Battlestar Galactica Deadlock: Complete
• BATTLETECH MERCENARY COLLECTION
• BATTLETECH Shadow Hawk Pack
• BEAUTIFUL DESOLATION
• BEFORE WE LEAVE
• Beholder 2
• Ben 10
• Ben 10: Power Trip
• Bendy and the Ink Machine™
• Between the Stars
• Beyond a Steel Sky
• Beyond The Edge Of Owlsgard
• Beyond the Long Night
• BEYOND THE WIRE
• Beyond: Two Souls
• BIOMUTANT
• Bionic Commando
• Bionic Commando Rearmed
• BioShock: The Collection
• BLACK BOOK
• Black Moon Chronicles
• Black Paradox
• BLACK SKYLANDS
• BLACKHOLE: Complete Edition
• Blacksad: Under the Skin
• Blade of Darkness
• Blasphemous
• Blazing Chrome
• Blightbound
• Blood And Zombies
• Blood Rage: Digital Edition
• Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
• Bomber Crew
• Boneless Zombie
• Boomerang Fu
• Borderlands 3
• Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe
• Borderlands 3 Super Deluxe Edition
• Borderlands: The Handsome Collection
• Bot Vice
• Bounty of One
• Brawlout
• Breakout: Recharged
• Breathedge
• bridge constructor
• Bridge constructor medieval
• bridge constructor stunts
• Broken Lines
• Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
• Brutal Legend
• Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling
• BUILDER SIMULATOR
• calico
• Call of Duty® Modern Warfare 3™ (2011)
• Call of Juarez: Gunslinger
• Car Mechanic 2018
• Car Mechanic Simulator 2015
• Car Mechanic Simulator 2018
• Castle Morihisa
• Castle on the Coast
• castle storm
• CastleStorm
• Cat Cafe Manager
• Caveblazers
• Celeste
• Centipede: Recharged
• CHANGE: A Homeless Survival Experience
• Charlie's Adventure
• Chenso Club
• Chernobylite: Enhanced Edition
• Chess Ultra
• Chicago 1930 : The Prohibition
• Chivalry 2
• Chop Goblins
• Chorus
• Cities Skylines + After Dark
• Cities: Skylines
• City of Beats
• CivCity: Rome
• Click and Slay
• Cloud Gardens
• Cloudpunk
• Code Vein
• Coffee Talk
• Comedy Night
• Command & Conquer Remastered (Origin)
• Complete Dread X Collection
• Conarium
• Construction Simulator (2015) Deluxe Edition
• Constructor Plus
• Control
• Cook, Serve, Delicious! 3?!
• cornucopia
• Corridor Z
• Cosmic Osmo and the Worlds Beyond the Mackerel
• Cosmonautica
• Crash Drive 2
• Crash Drive 3
• Creaks
• Creepy Tale
• Crookz the big heist
• CROSSBOW: Bloodnight
• Crush Your Enemies
• Cube Runner
• Cultist Simulator: Anthology Edition
• Curse: The Eye of Isis
• Cyber Ops
• Cybercube
• Danger Scavenger
• Dark Deity
• DARK PICTURES ANTHOLOGY: HOUSE OF ASHES
• Darksiders Warmastered
• Darkwood
• DARQ: Complete Edition
• Day of the Tentacle Remastered
• days of war definitive edition
• Dead by Daylight
• Dead Estate
• Dead Rising 2
• Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
• Death Stranding Directors Cut
• DEATH STRANDING DIRECTOR'S CUT
• Deceased
• DECEIVE INC.
• Degrees of Separation
• Delicious! Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire
• Deliver Us The Moon
• Demetrios - Deluxe Edition
• Depraved
• DESCENDERS
• DESOLATE
• Destiny 2: Beyond Light
• DESTROYER: THE U-BOAT HUNTER
• Detention
• Devil May Cry HD Collection
• Devilated
• Dicey Dungeons
• Dirt 5
• dirt rally
• Dirt Rally 2.0
• Disaster Band
• Disciples III: Reincarnation
• Discolored
• DISTRAINT 2
• Distrust
• DmC: Devil May Cry
• Do Not Feed the Monkeys
• Don't Be Afraid
• Doomed Lands
• Door Kickers: Action Squad
• Doorways: Prelude
• Downfall
• Dragons Dogma Dark Arisen
• Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen
• Draugen
• Draw Slasher
• Drawful 2
• Dreams in the Witch House
• Dreamscaper
• DreamWorks Dragons: Dawn of New Riders
• DRIFT21
• Driftland: The Magic Revival
• drive!drive!drive!
• Drone Swarm
• Due Process
• Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project
• Duke of Alpha Centauri
• Dungeon Rushers
• Dungeons 2
• Dungeons 3
• DUSK
• Dusk Diver
• Dust to the End
• DV: Rings of Saturn
• Dynopunk
• Earth Defense Force 4.1 The Shadow of New Despair
• Eastern Exorcist
• Eiyuden Chronicle: Rising
• El Matador
• Elderand
• ELDEST SOULS
• Electrician Simulator
• Elemental Survivors
• Elex
• Elex II
• Elite Dangerous
• Embr
• Empire: Total War - Definitive Edition
• Empyrion - Galactic Survival
• ENCASED: A SCI-FI POST-APOCALYPTIC RPG
• Endless Space 2
• Endless Space 2 - Digital Deluxe Edition
• Endless Space® 2 - Digital Deluxe Edition
• Endzone - A World Apart
• EPIC CHEF
• Epistory - Typing Chronicles
• Escape the backrooms
• Eternal Threads
• Europa Universalis IV
• European Ship Simulator
• Everdream Valley
• Evil Genius 2: World Domination
• Exorder
• EXPEDITIONS: ROME
• Expeditions: Viking
• Explosionade
• F1 2018
• F1 2019 Anniversary Edition
• F1 2020
• F1 RACE STARS Complete Edition Include DLC
• Fable Anniversary
• Factory Town
• Fallback uprising
• Fallback: Uprising
• FALLOUT 1
• Family Mysteries 3: Criminal Mindset
• FANTASY BLACKSMITH
• FARMER'S DYNASTY
• Farming Simulator 17
• Farming Simulator 19
• Fictorum
• Field of Glory II
• Fights in Tight Spaces
• Filthy Animals Heist Simulator
• Firefighting Simulator - The Squad
• Fishing Adventure
• Flashback
• FLATLAND Vol.2
• FlatOut
• FLING TO THE FINISH
• Floppy Knights
• Fluffy Horde
• FOBIA - ST. DINFNA HOTEL
• For the King
• Forgive me Father
• Forts
• Fred3ric
• Fresh Start Cleaning Simulator
• Friends vs Friends
• Frogun
• From Space
• Frostpunk: Game of the Year Edition
• Frozenheim
• Fun with Ragdolls: The Game
• Funtasia
• Gamedec
• Gamedec - Definitive Edition
• Gang Beasts
• GARAGE bad trip
• Garden Story
• Garfield Kart
• GAS STATION SIMULATOR
• Gelly Break Deluxe
• Genesis Alpha One Deluxe Edition
• Gevaudan
• Ghostrunner
• Giana Sisters 2D
• GIGA WRECKER
• Gigantosaurus: Dino Kart
• Glitch Busters: Stuck On You
• Gloria Victis
• Go Home Dinosaurs
• GOAT OF DUTY
• GOD EATER 3
• Godlike Burger
• Godstrike
• Going Under
• Golf Gang
• Golf It!
• Gone Home + Original Soundtrack
• Good Knight
• Gotham Knights
• GREAK: MEMORIES OF AZUR
• GREEDFALL
• Gremlins, inc
• grey goo
• GRID - 2019
• grid ultimate
• GRIP: Combat Racing
• Gungrave G.O.R.E
• Guppy
• Guts and glory
• GYLT
• Hacknet
• Haegemonia: Legions of Iron
• Hamilton's Great Adventure
• Hammerwatch
• Hands of Necromancy
• Havsala: Into the Soul Palace
• Headsnatchers
• Heartwood Heroes
• Heat Signature
• Helheim Hassle
• Hell Let Loose
• Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice
• Hellbound
• Hellstuck: Rage With Your Friends
• Hero of the Kingdom III
• Hero of the Kingdom: The Lost Tales 2
• Heroes of Hammerwatch
• Heros hour
• Hexologic
• Hidden & Dangerous 2: Courage Under Fire
• Hidden & Dangerous: Action Pack
• Hidden Deep
• High On Life
• Hitman (2016) Game of the Year Edition
• HITMAN 2 - Gold Edition
• Hoa
• Hob
• Hollow Knight
• Holy Potatoes! A Spy Story?!
• Home Sweet Home
• Home Sweet Home EP2
• Homestead Arcana
• Hood: Outlaws & Legends
• Hoplegs
• Hot Tin Roof: The Cat That Wore A Fedora
• HOT WHEELS UNLEASHED ™
• Hotshot Racing
• House Flipper
• How to Survive 2
• Hue
• Human: Fall Flat
• HUMANKIND DEFINITIVE EDITION
• Hungry Flame
• Hyper Knights
• I am Bread
• I Am Fish
• I am not a Monster: First Contact
• I Hate Running Backwards
• ibb & obb Double Pack
• ICBM
• Ice Age Scrat's Nutty Adventure
• Ice Lakes
• Impostor Factory
• IN SOUND MIND
• Indivisible
• INDUSTRIA
• Infectonator 3: Apocalypse
• Infinite Beyond The Mind
• Injustice 2 Legendary Edition
• Insane 2
• INSOMNIA: The Ark
• Internet Cafe Simulator
• Internet Cafe Simulator 2
• Interstellar Space: Genesis
• Iron Fisticle
• Iron Harvest
• Ittle Dew
• Ittle Dew 2+
• Jack Move
• Jackbox party pack 2
• Jackbox party pack 5
• JANITOR BLEEDS
• Joint Task Force
• Jotun: Valhalla Edition
• Journey For Elysium
• Journey to the Savage Planet
• JUMANJI: The Video Game
• JumpJet Rex
• Juno: New Origins
• Jupiter Hell
• Jurassic Park: The Game
• Jurassic World Evolution
• Jurassic World Evolution 2
• JUST CAUSE 4: COMPLETE EDITION
• Just Die Already
• Kardboard Kings: Card Shop Simulator
• Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes
• Ken Follett's The Pillars of the Earth
• Kentucky Route Zero - Season Pass Edition
• Kerbal Space Program
• Killing Floor 2 Digital Deluxe Edition
• Killing Room
• Kingdom Two Crowns
• Kingdom: New Lands
• King's Bounty: Crossworlds
• Knights of Pen & Paper 2
• Knock-knock
• Koi-Koi Japan [Hanafuda playing cards] *Koi-Koi Japan : UKIYOE tours Vol.1 DLC *Koi-Koi Japan : UKIYOE tours Vol.2 DLC *Koi-Koi Japan : UKIYOE tours Vol.3 DLC
• Konung 2
• KungFu Kickball
• Labyrinthine
• Lair of the Clockwork God
• Laserlife
• LAST OASIS
• Lawn Mowing Simulator
• Layers of Fear: Masterpiece Edition
• Lead and Gold: Gangs of the Wild West
• Learn Japanese To Survive! Hiragana Battle
• Learn Japanese To Survive! Katakana War
• Learn Japanese to Survive! Trilogy
• Legend of Keepers
• LEGION TD 2 - MULTIPLAYER TOWER DEFENSE
• LEGION TD 2 - MULTIPLAYER TOWER DEFENSE.
• Leisure Suit Larry - Wet Dreams Don't Dry
• Leisure Suit Larry 1-7
• Lemnis Gate
• Lemon Cake
• lethal league blaze
• Let's School
• Levelhead
• Liberated (GOG)
• Life is Strange Complete Season (Episodes 1-5)
• Light Fairytale Episode 1
• Light Fairytale Episode 2
• LIGHTMATTER
• Little dragons cafe
• Little Hope
• Little Inner Monsters - Card Game
• Little Nightmares
• Little Nightmares Complete Edition
• Livelock
• Loop Hero
• Loot River
• Looterkings
• Lornsword Winter Chronicle
• Lost Castle
• Love Letter
• Lovecraft's Untold Stories
• Lovely planet arcade
• Lucius2
• Lucius3
• Ludus
• Lumberhill
• LunarLux
• Lust for Darkness
• Lust from Beyond: M Edition
• Mad Experiments: Escape Room
• Mad Max
• Mafia Definitive Edition
• Mafia: Definitive Edition
• Magenta Horizon
• Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle
• Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle : School Girls Edition
• Mail Time
• Maize
• Maneater
• Marooners
• MARSUPILAMI - HOOBADVENTURE
• Marvel's Avengers - The Definitive Edition
• Mato Anomalies
• Max Payne 3
• Mechs & Mercs: Black Talons
• Medieval II: Total War - Definitive Edition
• Medieval: Total War Collection
• MEEPLE STATION
• Men of War
• MERCHANT OF THE SKIES
• METAL HELLSINGER
• Metal Hellsinger
• Metro Exodus
• Metro last light
• Metro: Last Light Redux
• Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor GOTY
• Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor GOTY
• Middle-Earth: Shadow of War Definitive Edition
• MIDNIGHT PROTOCOL
• Mighty Switch Force! Collection
• MIND SCANNERS
• Ministry of Broadcast
• Minute of Islands
• Miscreated
• Mists of Noyah
• MKXL
• Mob Rule Classic
• Monaco
• Monster Slayers - Complete Edition
• Monster Train
• MONSTER TRAIN (FIRST CLASS - COLLECTORS EDITION)
• Monstrum
• Monstrum 2
• Moon Hunters
• Moons of Madness
• MORDHAU
• Mordheim: City of the Damned
• Mortal Kombat 11 Ultimate Edition
• MORTAL KOMBAT XL
• Mortal Shell
• Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
• Mr. Run and Jump
• Murder Mystery Machine
• My Big Sister
• My Friend Peppa Pig
• My Lovely Wife
• My Summer Adventure: Memories of Another Life
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Hi Reddit, I'm new, and my best friend uses Reddit so I hope they don't come to this sub. I only know about it because I listen to RSlash.
I (NB 25) love my best friend (NB 29) in a "more than friends" way.
I'll be honest, I'm terrible when it comes to relationships. I get clingy, lose myself in the relationship, always feel the need to "prove" my love; essentially I am an easy target for bad people. Because of this I haven't been in a relationship for 6 years, it helps that I'm asexual (sex repulsed), but I still have the desire for romantic love.
Me and my friend met online about 2 years ago and we instantly clicked. At the time I was still weary about getting into a relationship, as I wasn't confident that I wouldn't slip into those unhealthy habits. Funny enough, that was also around the time my therapist cancelled my therapy appointment without telling me and ghosted me. I'm guessing I didn't appear mentally ill enough? I don't know. And no she was fine, she just went on a vacation.
Anyways, me and my friend talked a lot, and clearly our talks were more than platonic. But hey maybe I'm wrong and it's normal for people to call their best friends by pet names, say I love you over and over again, and send love letters in the mail about how much you love them and want them in your life. They used to be so loving, and I felt so secure in what we were.
Then Christmas happened, and it hasn't been the same since. They got asked out on a date by a work colleague and accepted it, which shattered my heart. I told them that if they pursued the relationship, that I wouldn't feel comfortable being as loving as we were and that we would have to talk as regular friends do. I asked them what we were and if they loved me the way I love them. It hurt when they said that they weren't sure.
They cancelled the date with the other person, but I don't think I've recovered from that day. Even though from it we decided that we would plan on living together once we were at stable places in our careers (we were both having issues with our jobs).
One time I got super drunk with their friend, and the friend said my best friend loved me and wanted to kiss me but just would never admit it, which felt good to hear. I've heard from their friends that they know they love me and that I've been a force of good in their life, one asked me to please stay because I make them happy. Essentially all their friends have been saying that my friend loves me but just doesn't know it.
Meanwhile my friends, who aren't online all that much so haven't seen how me and my friend interact, have been wanting to set me up. One was trying to set up a double date between her bf, and then me and her friend. When I told my friend about it, they were obviously hurt and got quiet for the night, being sheepish to tell me that I should do what I want to do.
I didn't want to, I still wanted to be with my friend, even though we weren't "together" together. That was a few months, and the last time it's happened.
So why am I here? Shouldn't it be obvious that we have feelings for each other?
These past few months they've slowly been showing their affection less and it's been bothering me.
They get off work and I ask them how their day went, and they'll say they're tired and going to bed, then do exactly that. They won't ask about my day, and that will be our only interaction for the day. At one point this was happening every single day.
They no longer say all those kind words that made me fall for them in the beginning, about how I make their life worth living. They've stopped calling me all those pet names that made me feel special, they rarely even say "I love you" first.
I spoke with them, about how I miss these pet names, that I miss being told that I matter to them. I tell them that these are my love language and that I don't feel loved, and all they say is that they're sorry and they don't know how to make me feel loved. I JUST TOLD YOU HOW!
They used to plan on coming to visit me once they get the money, but when they do get the money they visit family instead. I understand that family comes first, but it still hurts to know that they basically lied to me.
I'm reaching my breaking point, I'm tired of playing this game of "will we, won't we". But at the same time I'm afraid that I might be over reacting, and I don't want to leave them alone if they do really want something. Plus it's really hard finding a partner when you're sex repulsed.
So should I just move on? I haven't told them that I'm ready to break off what little we have, but other than that I have been VERY up front with my emotions as I have them.
TL;DR: I'm anxious and tired after playing around with someone with commitment issues after 2 years.

I'm going to try my best to make a tldr version of this because I keep getting the "something went wrong" error and can not find any advice as to fixing it. Everybody just talks about the app which I dont even freaking use or desktop and I'm getting more and more distressed. I hope im allowed to post the original more detailed version in the comments, maybe
I'm an autistic 20 something adult that lives in a small town and has only ever lived in places that have nowhere to go that would justify leaving the house. Most of my life i lived in a tiny little village (yes VILLAGE) of six hundred residents or less. It has a bank, a post office and a bar and grill that only takes cash. I did not know any families that had kids my age that lived there (if they ever even existed lol) and even if i did its not like i could have just left the house of my own volition and walked there.
Thankfully, the small town i moved into in 2021 is a big upgrade, but it is still so void of anywhere that can be a social gathering for people (ESPECIALLY young people) that even the program made for disabled people here admitted there was fuck all they could do to help me get into the community.
But ever since i was pulled from mainstream in person school after the third grade due to mistreatment from both teachers and students, the only friends i have had are purely online. I love my online friends deeply but it is not the same as face to face sharing the same experiences together. I also want to have a girlfriend and eventually a wife someday (being a lesbian in a conservative place complicates matters greatly but at least my parents accept me fully) but like having real life friends, this is impossible because there is no way for me to find someone like that in the first place
Anyway this is the part thats really embarassing and why I'm hiding being a throwaway. For as long as i can remember i have been using imaginary friends to cope with the void in my heart. They change as i grow and change myself. I'm so deeply emotionally attached to them and am genuinely afraid to let them go. But i know i cant keep living like this forever. It is too painful. I even made myself a imaginary wife this way and im so in love w her that i am afraid to genuinely search for a mate.
Thats probably all i can post here, but mods if youre reading this, please let me know if i can add the full version in the comments because i think just this much is not enough information to fully explain what led me here. Thank you

TLDR: bla bla bla life story, my question is: How have you gone about disclosing PDA with your school or work place? I'd love to hear positive or negative experiences and whatever advice you might have.
Hey! I'm in the midst of a thorough psychiatric examination after years and years of quick diagnoses and symptom treatment. My psychiatrist just told me that I have a PDA profile (I'm not diagnosed with autism but am being examined for it). I never heard of this before but by googling I found that this is EXACTLY what my core problem is in my day to day life. First I for some reason feel inclined to share some of my life story lol for context or for the sake of my own clarity.
I'm in college/university and have two freelance jobs. With the freelance positions I finally found something that works pretty well for me job wise, I've stayed in these positions two and three years respectively. Before this I've never held on to a job for more than a few months MAX, and the one job that I had for several months was during covid when I worked from home 90% of the time. My ex girlfriend was always baffled that "every day you question whether you should leave for work/school, it's never a given" and honestly I'm baffled too, or moreso that people just get up and mindlessly leave their house, although this sounds like an absolute dream. To get to the point, in school I've always had high percentages of absence, in high school I was at about 35% when only 5% was officially allowed. I was always able to get away with it cause I'm a "high achiever" and got straight A's. But the neverending excuses made and makes me feel frankly like a lazy, dishonest piece of shit person, I don't trust myself and am paranoid that my peers talk behind my back. I never know when I'll wake up and be in what I've always just called "the pit". However on some level in high school I was able to shake it off, it's not like high school was my passion so as long as I wasn't thrown out I thought it was okay that sometimes I didn't show up. Now, the strange part is that my subject in college truly is my passion. I can not think of anything else I would like or want to do more. So I've been so frustated that I still find myself paralyzed on a random morning, or just ghosting school for weeks at a time. Anyway, while PDA isn't exactly an "explanation", it's nice to be able to collect the pieces and see a clear pattern. I though that maybe this could put an end to the excuses and lies if I disclose the profile with my school. Finally, my question is: How have you gone about this? Has anyone got positive or negative experiences to share?

Roughly two weeks ago, employee A and B got into an argument because employee B was upset that he was being called by his first name and not his middle name, which he claims employee A always calls him.
Just before this, employee A had to warn employee B multiple times that he was performing his work task incorrectly and was a danger to himself. Employee A assumed this is why employee B was upset; again, employee B claims it’s the name situation. Employee B followed employee A across the production floor until his supervisor stepped in to stop him. Employee B continued yelling and cussing at employee A who stood there without adding to the confrontation.
Employee A writes a statement and leaves work for the day. When employee A walks out of the facility, he is met by employee B and his girlfriend. Employee B’s girlfriend yells, “you won’t be smiling when you get your a** beat!” To employee A. Employee A returns inside to tell the appropriate staff members what just happened. Employee A would write a second statement of this event, which was also on camera as the previous event, and give it to the appropriate staff member.
Employee A wakes up later that evening (3rd shift employee) to the news he is suspended pending an investigation. Employee A’s bosses ensure him that he will get back payed for all his time off and that he 100% will not lose his job.
Fast forward one week, employee A receives a call from his boss asking if he has been in contact with anyone (this is now a corporate issue). Employee A has not been in contact with anyone. Employee A’s boss informs him that employee B was back at work last night. Employee A does not hear from anyone for the rest of the week.
Fast forward to yesterday, employee A receives a call from “HR”. Employee A gives the story again, and is met with what felt like attacks from HR. HR seemed to question employee A for what appeared to be taunting (wagging a finger — employee A was pointing to his eyes to motion that employee B was not wearing goggles lol). HR did not seem interested in the threats made towards employee A, and told employee A to expect a call by the end of the day today from another HR member to finalize the situation.
Employee A asked the HR member how employee B was able to return to work while they sat at home not hearing anything. The HR member replied that even if they knew anything, they couldn’t discuss another team member.
Employee A is still awaiting a call from HR today. I don’t know what I am looking for, as the state employee A lives in is an employment-at-will state, but this whole situation just seems wrong.
This company has been in the news lately with a lot of negative press. I wonder if they are being extremely careful with how they handle the situation? It still does not make sense how one employee would return to work while the other employee, who was not the aggressor, is at home still.
Thoughts?
TLDR; one employee is suspended still while the other employee, who is the aggressor in the situation, is back at work already.
Edit: correction made at the end of the second paragraph to change the roles of employees A and B.

You left me for someone else the second I moved. I asked for No Contact 42 days ago, and you've asked mutual friends every week if you can talk to me again. I muted you on everything, but you view my stories instantly and like every little thing I post. So I've finally removed you and have gotten my privacy back. I know you're upset by that and I don't understand why. I don't understand why you're so upset I don't want to talk to you. You gaslit me as you explored someone else and you left me, and YOU are hurt that I don't want anything to do with you anymore?
Now that it's your time to move here, you thought it was okay to find a place two blocks away from me? This city is massive, am I really supposed to think that wasn't intentional?
And your new girlfriend that you left me for is staying there, she can't leave that state because of her kids. You are so out of sight, out of mind. You were so devoted to me and to building a future with me the entire year and a half we were together, but the second I left, it's like you forgot about me. You pay more attention to me now that I've withdrawn from you than you did the month or two we were long distance before you hopped in bed with her instead. I can't believe you've already introduced her to your family. What do you think is gonna happen when YOU move in two months? When you and her are long distance? You've proven you are incapable of maintaining a relationship at a distance, how do you expect permanent long distance to work with her? And why are you so hurt I don't want to be around you when you move here?
I loved you through so much. You found yourself again through me and always told me I was the catalyst for you getting your life back. Then you tossed our relationship aside so quickly and so callously, right when I moved to a place where I knew no one and needed you the most.
I don't know why you stalk me and are desperate to talk to me. Is it guilt? All I know is if I were the girl you left me for, I would not find your behavior respectful at all.

I dont want to hear but they changed because of supposed nice behaviour, that is to reel you back in, no they didn't! They are making you comfortable to be abused again. That is the trauma bonding that occours in abusive relationships, ups and downs, push and pull.
If your dad, mom, boyfriend , family member or , girlfriend is treating you like garbage, disrespecting you , making you cry everyday, pissing you off and claiming why you so sensitive, gaslighting, crazy making, verbal emotional, sex*** abuse, physical abuse, miserable, controlling, screaming at you ,, harmful jokes and trying to make you feel like degeneracy is okay. It's time to GO!
Thats it...these horrid behaviours is the clousure
You can read Why Does He do That? And plan a safe escape for you to leave safely.
It's a new year and you were not put on this earth to mule , to be sad or miserable. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!

Me (19M) and my younger sister (17F) both live at home with both our parents, along with my girlfriend, my older sister and my younger brother. My older sister and girlfriend both agree with me when it comes to disliking my sister.
It all kinda started when she got into highschool, she began hanging around the wrong people, just being a general delinquent, constant detentions, behavioural issues ect. That then turned into her an asshole, breaking peoples things like my neighbours wall, she once also through flour all over another neighbours garden for literally no reason, and then refused to apologise and denied it, going into supermarkets and breaking things giving the staff abuse just trying to make a living just general shit like that.
Anyways that was all years ago but as time has gone, she has just gotten worse and worse. She got kicked out of school and put into a kind of disciplinary school which she never tried in and failed all her exams getting no grades whatsoever. She then had to get a job, which she got fired from for constantly being late despite her shifts always starting in the afternoon. So now she does nothing while being at home. For example my dad works weekdays and my mum works Tuesdays Wednesdays, and on those days it’s only her at home and she doesn’t help around the house cleaning but instead leaves it for whoever comes home from work first which is me or my mum most of the time and it isn’t fair. So that’s one part of my hatred
The second part is her blatant ignorance and selfishness. She stays up on the phone with her shit friends till about 3-4am waking me and my dad up, playing music, singing just everything to be annoying. She purposely talks loud because she has to be the centre of attention. She goes live on multiple apps just to argue with people and act hard towards them which again is because she’s so attention hungry but then shows me and my family in those lives despite not wanting to be on camera to a bunch of strangers. That’s essentially the second part.
The third part is her horrible disgusting boyfriend Cameron (m19) this dude is no more than a dirty little rat who constantly cheats on my sister (and I’m serious when I say he cheated with a 14 year old when he was 18). Anyways she excuses everything he does, he once threatened my 11 year old brother, he’s threatened me also, and when I removed him from my house for threatening me I was the bad guy to her. She is so selfish that she’d let this low life wannabe druggie gangster threaten her 11 year old brother? But when one of my friends watched my sister get beaten up and her things smashed up, I cut ties with that friend for that. But no my sister can’t cut ties with someone who’s much worse.
The final part comes to her and other peoples property, I live in the UK so I’m legally allowed to drink, and I’m not a heavy drinker but have a stash of spirits for occasions which she constantly steals from, both her and her friend do. And when they drink they take my car key and drink and smoke in my car stinking it up with the smell of alcohol and smoke. And when telling my parents they say “she’s not doing any harm sat in your car” “it’s better her be there and not on the streets” and when I bring up the alcohol “you probably drank more than you thought” I never drink heavy enough to forget, and my older sister has the exact same issue with her alcohol being stolen.
That’s about everything
Am I the asshole?