https://mises.org/mises-daily/society-without-state
In attempting to outline how a “society without a state” — that is, an anarchist society — might function successfully, I would first like to defuse two common but mistaken criticisms of this approach. First, is the argument that in providing for such defense or protection services as courts, police, or even law itself, I am simply smuggling the state back into society in another form, and that therefore the system I am both analyzing and advocating is not “really” anarchism. This sort of criticism can only involve us in an endless and arid dispute over semantics. Let me say from the beginning that I define the state as that institution which possesses one or both (almost always both) of the following properties: (1) it acquires its income by the physical coercion known as “taxation”; and (2) it asserts and usually obtains a coerced monopoly of the provision of defense service (police and courts) over a given territorial area. An institution not possessing either of these properties is not and cannot be, in accordance with my definition, a state. On the other hand, I define anarchist society as one where there is no legal possibility for coercive aggression against the person or property of an individual. Anarchists oppose the state because it has its very being in such aggression, namely, the expropriation of private property through taxation, the coercive exclusion of other providers of defense service from its territory, and all of the other depredations and coercions that are built upon these twin foci of invasions of individual rights.
Nor is our definition of the state arbitrary, for these two characteristics have been possessed by what is generally acknowledged to be states throughout recorded history. The state, by its use of physical coercion, has arrogated to itself a compulsory monopoly of defense services over its territorial jurisdiction. But it is certainly conceptually possible for such services to be supplied by private, non-state institutions, and indeed such services have historically been supplied by other organizations than the state. To be opposed to the state is then not necessarily to be opposed to services that have often been linked with it; to be opposed to the state does not necessarily imply that we must be opposed to police protection, courts, arbitration, the minting of money, postal service, or roads and highways. Some anarchists have indeed been opposed to police and to all physical coercion in defense of person and property, but this is not inherent in and is fundamentally irrelevant to the anarchist position, which is precisely marked by opposition to all physical coercion invasive of, or aggressing against, person and property.
The crucial role of taxation may be seen in the fact that the state is the only institution or organization in society which regularly and systematically acquires its income through the use of physical coercion. All other individuals or organizations acquire their income voluntarily, either (1) through the voluntary sale of goods and services to consumers on the market, or (2) through voluntary gifts or donations by members or other donors. If I cease or refrain from purchasing Wheaties on the market, the Wheaties producers do not come after me with a gun or the threat of imprisonment to force me to purchase; if I fail to join the American Philosophical Association, the association may not force me to join or prevent me from giving up my membership. Only the state can do so; only the state can confiscate my property or put me in jail if I do not pay its tax tribute. Therefore, only the state regularly exists and has its very being by means of coercive depredations on private property.
Neither is it legitimate to challenge this sort of analysis by claiming that in some other sense, the purchase of Wheaties or membership in the APA is in some way “coercive.” Anyone who is still unhappy with this use of the term “coercion” can simply eliminate the word from this discussion and substitute for it “physical violence or the threat thereof,” with the only loss being in literary style rather than in the substance of the argument. What anarchism proposes to do, then, is to abolish the state, that is, to abolish the regularized institution of aggressive coercion.
It need hardly be added that the state habitually builds upon its coercive source of income by adding a host of other aggressions upon society, ranging from economic controls to the prohibition of pornography to the compelling of religious observance to the mass murder of civilians in organized warfare. In short, the state, in the words of Albert Jay Nock, “claims and exercises a monopoly of crime” over its territorial area.
The second criticism I would like to defuse before beginning the main body of the paper is the common charge that anarchists “assume that all people are good” and that without the state no crime would be committed. In short, that anarchism assumes that with the abolition of the state a New Anarchist Man will emerge, cooperative, humane, and benevolent, so that no problem of crime will then plague the society. I confess that I do not understand the basis for this charge. Whatever other schools of anarchism profess — and I do not believe that they are open to the charge — I certainly do not adopt this view. I assume with most observers that mankind is a mixture of good and evil, of cooperative and criminal tendencies. In my view, the anarchist society is one which maximizes the tendencies for the good and the cooperative, while it minimizes both the opportunity and the moral legitimacy of the evil and the criminal. If the anarchist view is correct and the state is indeed the great legalized and socially legitimated channel for all manner of antisocial crime — theft, oppression, mass murder — on a massive scale, then surely the abolition of such an engine of crime can do nothing but favor the good in man and discourage the bad.
A further point: in a profound sense, no social system, whether anarchist or statist, can work at all unless most people are “good” in the sense that they are not all hell-bent upon assaulting and robbing their neighbors. If everyone were so disposed, no amount of protection, whether state or private, could succeed in staving off chaos. Furthermore, the more that people are disposed to be peaceful and not aggress against their neighbors, the more successfully any social system will work, and the fewer resources will need to be devoted to police protection. The anarchist view holds that, given the “nature of man,” given the degree of goodness or badness at any point in time, anarchism will maximize the opportunities for the good and minimize the channels for the bad. The rest depends on the values held by the individual members of society. The only further point that need be made is that by eliminating the living example and the social legitimacy of the massive legalized crime of the state, anarchism will to a large extent promote peaceful values in the minds of the public.
We cannot of course deal here with the numerous arguments in favor of anarchism or against the state, moral, political, and economic. Nor can we take up the various goods and services now provided by the state and show how private individuals and groups will be able to supply them far more efficiently on the free market. Here we can only deal with perhaps the most difficult area, the area where it is almost universally assumed that the state must exist and act, even if it is only a “necessary evil” instead of a positive good: the vital realm of defense or protection of person and property against aggression. Surely, it is universally asserted, the state is at least vitally necessary to provide police protection, the judicial resolution of disputes and enforcement of contracts, and the creation of the law itself that is to be enforced. My contention is that all of these admittedly necessary services of protection can be satisfactorily and efficiently supplied by private persons and institutions on the free market.
One important caveat before we begin the body of this paper: new proposals such as anarchism are almost always gauged against the implicit assumption that the present, or statist system works to perfection. Any lacunae or difficulties with the picture of the anarchist society are considered net liabilities, and enough to dismiss anarchism out of hand. It is, in short, implicitly assumed that the state is doing its self-assumed job of protecting person and property to perfection. We cannot here go into the reasons why the state is bound to suffer inherently from grave flaws and inefficiencies in such a task. All we need do now is to point to the black and unprecedented record of the state through history: no combination of private marauders can possibly begin to match the state’s unremitting record of theft, confiscation, oppression, and mass murder. No collection of Mafia or private bank robbers can begin to compare with all the Hiroshimas, Dresdens, and Lidices and their analogues through the history of mankind.
This point can be made more philosophically: it is illegitimate to compare the merits of anarchism and statism by starting with the present system as the implicit given and then critically examining only the anarchist alternative. What we must do is to begin at the zero point and then critically examine both suggested alternatives. Suppose, for example, that we were all suddenly dropped down on the earth de novo and that we were all then confronted with the question of what societal arrangements to adopt. And suppose then that someone suggested: “We are all bound to suffer from those of us who wish to aggress against their fellow men. Let us then solve this problem of crime by handing all of our weapons to the Jones family, over there, by giving all of our ultimate power to settle disputes to that family. In that way, with their monopoly of coercion and of ultimate decision making, the Jones family will be able to protect each of us from each other.” I submit that this proposal would get very short shrift, except perhaps from the Jones family themselves. And yet this is precisely the common argument for the existence of the state. When we start from the zero point, as in the case of the Jones family, the question of “who will guard the guardians?” becomes not simply an abiding lacuna in the theory of the state but an overwhelming barrier to its existence.
A final caveat: the anarchist is always at a disadvantage in attempting to forecast the shape of the future anarchist society. For it is impossible for observers to predict voluntary social arrangements, including the provision of goods and services, on the free market. Suppose, for example, that this were the year 1874 and that someone predicted that eventually there would be a radio-manufacturing industry. To be able to make such a forecast successfully, does he have to be challenged to state immediately how many radio manufacturers there would be a century hence, how big they would be, where they would be located, what technology and marketing techniques they would use, and so on? Obviously, such a challenge would make no sense, and in a profound sense the same is true of those who demand a precise portrayal of the pattern of protection activities on the market. Anarchism advocates the dissolution of the state into social and market arrangements, and these arrangements are far more flexible and less predictable than political institutions. The most that we can do, then, is to offer broad guidelines and perspectives on the shape of a projected anarchist society.
One important point to make here is that the advance of modern technology makes anarchistic arrangements increasingly feasible. Take, for example, the case of lighthouses, where it is often charged that it is unfeasible for private lighthouse operators to row out to each ship to charge it for use of the light. Apart from the fact that this argument ignores the successful existence of private lighthouses in earlier days, as in England in the eighteenth century, another vital consideration is that modern electronic technology makes charging each ship for the light far more feasible. Thus, the ship would have to have paid for an electronically controlled beam which could then be automatically turned on for those ships which had paid for the service.
Let us turn now to the problem of how disputes — in particular disputes over alleged violations of person and property — would be resolved in an anarchist society. First, it should be noted that all disputes involve two parties: the plaintiff, the alleged victim of the crime or tort and the defendant, the alleged aggressor. In many cases of broken contract, of course, each of the two parties alleging that the other is the culprit is at the same time a plaintiff and a defendant.
An important point to remember is that any society, be it statist or anarchist, has to have some way of resolving disputes that will gain a majority consensus in society. There would be no need for courts or arbitrators if everyone were omniscient and knew instantaneously which persons were guilty of any given crime or violation of contract. Since none of us is omniscient, there has to be some method of deciding who is the criminal or lawbreaker which will gain legitimacy; in short, whose decision will be accepted by the great majority of the public.
In the first place, a dispute may be resolved voluntarily between the two parties themselves, either unaided or with the help of a third mediator. This poses no problem, and will automatically be accepted by society at large. It is so accepted even now, much less in a society imbued with the anarchistic values of peaceful cooperation and agreement. Secondly and similarly, the two parties, unable to reach agreement, may decide to submit voluntarily to the decision of an arbitrator. This agreement may arise either after a dispute has arisen, or be provided for in advance in the original contract. Again, there is no problem in such an arrangement gaining legitimacy. Even in the present statist era, the notorious inefficiency and coercive and cumbersome procedures of the politically run government courts has led increasing numbers of citizens to turn to voluntary and expert arbitration for a speedy and harmonious settling of disputes.
Thus, William C. Wooldridge has written that

Wooldridge adds the important point that, in addition to the speed of arbitration procedures vis-à-vis the courts, the arbitrators can proceed as experts in disregard of the official government law; in a profound sense, then, they serve to create a voluntary body of private law. “In other words,” states Wooldridge, “the system of extralegal, voluntary courts has progressed hand in hand with a body of private law; the rules of the state are circumvented by the same process that circumvents the forums established for the settlement of disputes over those rules…. In short, a private agreement between two people, a bilateral “law,” has supplanted the official law. The writ of the sovereign has cease to run, and for it is substituted a rule tacitly or explicitly agreed to by the parties. Wooldridge concludes that “if an arbitrator can choose to ignore a penal damage rule or the statute of limitations applicable to the claim before him (and it is generally conceded that he has that power), arbitration can be viewed as a practically revolutionary instrument for self-liberation from the law….”2
It may be objected that arbitration only works successfully because the courts enforce the award of the arbitrator. Wooldridge points out, however, that arbitration was unenforceable in the American courts before 1920, but that this did not prevent voluntary arbitration from being successful and expanding in the United States and in England. He points, furthermore, to the successful operations of merchant courts since the Middle Ages, those courts which successfully developed the entire body of the law merchant. None of those courts possessed the power of enforcement. He might have added the private courts of shippers which developed the body of admiralty law in a similar way.
How then did these private, “anarchistic,” and voluntary courts ensure the acceptance of their decisions? By the method of social ostracism, and by the refusal to deal any further with the offending merchant. This method of voluntary “enforcement,” indeed proved highly successful. Wooldridge writes that “the merchants’ courts were voluntary, and if a man ignored their judgment, he could not be sent to jail…. Nevertheless, it is apparent that … [their] decisions were generally respected even by the losers; otherwise people would never have used them in the first place…. Merchants made their courts work simply by agreeing to abide by the results. The merchant who broke the understanding would not be sent to jail, to be sure, but neither would he long continue to be a merchant, for the compliance exacted by his fellows … proved if anything more effective than physical coercion.”3 Nor did this voluntary method fail to work in modern times. Wooldridge writes that it was precisely in the years before 1920, when arbitration awards could not be enforced in the courts,

It should also be pointed out that modern technology makes even more feasible the collection and dissemination of information about people’s credit ratings and records of keeping or violating their contracts or arbitration agreements. Presumably, an anarchist society would see the expansion of this sort of dissemination of data and thereby facilitate the ostracism or boycotting of contract and arbitration violators.
How would arbitrators be selected in an anarchist society? In the same way as they are chosen now, and as they were chosen in the days of strictly voluntary arbitration: the arbitrators with the best reputation for efficiency and probity would be chosen by the various parties on the market. As in other processes of the market, the arbitrators with the best record in settling disputes will come to gain an increasing amount of business, and those with poor records will no longer enjoy clients and will have to shift to another line of endeavor. Here it must be emphasized that parties in dispute will seek out those arbitrators with the best reputation for both expertise and impartiality and that inefficient or biased arbitrators will rapidly have to find another occupation.
Thus, the Tannehills emphasize:

If desired, furthermore, the contracting parties could provide in advance for a series of arbitrators:

Arbitration, then, poses little difficulty for a portrayal of the free society. But what of torts or crimes of aggression where there has been no contract? Or suppose that the breaker of a contract defies the arbitration award? Is ostracism enough? In short, how can courts develop in the free-market anarchist society which will have the power to enforce judgments against criminals or contract breakers?
In the wide sense, defense service consists of guards or police who use force in defending person and property against attack, and judges or courts whose role is to use socially accepted procedures to determine who the criminals or tortfeasors are, as well as to enforce judicial awards, such as damages or the keeping of contracts. On the free market, many scenarios are possible on the relationship between the private courts and the police; they may be “vertically integrated,” for example, or their services may be supplied by separate firms. Furthermore, it seems likely that police service will be supplied by insurance companies who will provide crime insurance to their clients. In that case, insurance companies will pay off the victims of crime or the breaking of contracts or arbitration awards and then pursue the aggressors in court to recoup their losses. There is a natural market connection between insurance companies and defense service, since they need pay out less benefits in proportion as they are able to keep down the rate of crime.
Courts might either charge fees for their services, with the losers of cases obliged to pay court costs, or else they may subsist on monthly or yearly premiums by their clients, who may be either individuals or the police or insurance agencies. Suppose, for example, that Smith is an aggrieved party, either because he has been assaulted or robbed, or because an arbitration award in his favor has not been honored. Smith believes that Jones is the party guilty of the crime. Smith then goes to a court, Court A, of which he is a client, and brings charges against Jones as a defendant. In my view, the hallmark of an anarchist society is one where no man may legally compel someone who is not a convicted criminal to do anything, since that would be aggression against an innocent man’s person or property. Therefore, Court A can only invite rather than subpoena Jones to attend his trial. Of course, if Jones refused to appear or send a representative, his side of the case will not be heard. The trial of Jones proceeds. Suppose that Court A finds Jones innocent. In my view, part of the generally accepted law code of the anarchist society (on which see further below) is that this must end the matter unless Smith can prove charges of gross incompetence or bias on the part of the court.
Suppose, next, that Court A finds Jones guilty. Jones might accept the verdict, because he too is a client of the same court, because he knows he is guilty, or for some other reason. In that case, Court A proceeds to exercise judgment against Jones. Neither of these instances poses very difficult problems for our picture of the anarchist society. But suppose, instead, that Jones contests the decision; he then goes to his court, Court B, and the case is retried there. Suppose that Court B, too, finds Jones guilty. Again, it seems to me that the accepted law code of the anarchist society will assert that this ends the matter; both parties have had their say in courts which each has selected, and the decision for guilt is unanimous.
Suppose, however, the most difficult case: that Court B finds Jones innocent. The two courts, each subscribed to by one of the two parties, have split their verdicts. In that case, the two courts will submit the case to an appeals court, or arbitrator, which the two courts agree upon. There seems to be no real difficulty about the concept of an appeals court. As in the case of arbitration contracts, it seems very likely that the various private courts in the society will have prior agreements to submit their disputes to a particular appeals court. How will the appeals judges be chosen? Again, as in the case of arbitrators or of the first judges on the free market, they will be chosen for their expertise and their reputation for efficiency, honesty, and integrity. Obviously, appeals judges who are inefficient or biased will scarcely be chosen by courts who will have a dispute. The point here is that there is no need for a legally established or institutionalized single, monopoly appeals court system, as states now provide. There is no reason why there cannot arise a multitude of efficient and honest appeals judges who will be selected by the disputant courts, just as there are numerous private arbitrators on the market today. The appeals court renders its decision, and the courts proceed to enforce it if, in our example, Jones is considered guilty — unless, of course, Jones can prove bias in some other court proceedings.
No society can have unlimited judicial appeals, for in that case there would be no point to having judges or courts at all. Therefore, every society, whether statist or anarchist, will have to have some socially accepted cutoff point for trials and appeals. My suggestion is the rule that the agreement of any two courts, be decisive. “Two” is not an arbitrary figure, for it reflects the fact that there are two parties, the plaintiff and the defendant, to any alleged crime or contract dispute.
If the courts are to be empowered to enforce decision against guilty parties, does this not bring back the state in another form and thereby negate anarchism? No, for at the beginning of this paper I explicitly defined anarchism in such a way as not to rule out the use of defensive force — force in defense of person and property — by privately supported agencies. In the same way, it is not bringing back the state to allow persons to use force to defend themselves against aggression, or to hire guards or police agencies to defend them.
It should be noted, however, that in the anarchist society there will be no “district attorney” to press charges on behalf of “society.” Only the victims will press charges as the plaintiffs. If, then, these victims should happen to be absolute pacifists who are opposed even to defensive force, then they will simply not press charges in the courts or otherwise retaliate against those who have aggressed against them. In a free society that would be their right. If the victim should suffer from murder, then his heir would have the right to press the charges.
What of the Hatfield-and-McCoy problem? Suppose that a Hatfield kills a McCoy, and that McCoy’s heir does not belong to a private insurance, police agency, or court, and decides to retaliate himself? Since under anarchism there can be no coercion of the noncriminal, McCoy would have the perfect right to do so. No one may be compelled to bring his case to a court. Indeed, since the right to hire police or courts flows from the right of self-defense against aggression, it would be inconsistent and in contradiction to the very basis of the free society to institute such compulsion.
Suppose, then, that the surviving McCoy finds what he believes to be the guilty Hatfield and kills him in turn? What then? This is fine, except that McCoy may have to worry about charges being brought against him by a surviving Hatfield. Here it must be emphasized that in the law of the anarchist society based on defense against aggression, the courts would not be able to proceed against McCoy if in fact he killed the right Hatfield. His problem would arise if the courts should find that he made a grievous mistake and killed the wrong man; in that case, he in turn would be found guilty of murder. Surely, in most instances, individuals will wish to obviate such problems by taking their case to a court and thereby gain social acceptability for their defensive retaliation — not for the act of retaliation but for the correctness of deciding who the criminal in any given case might be. The purpose of the judicial process, indeed, is to find a way of general agreement on who might be the criminal or contract breaker in any given case. The judicial process is not a good in itself; thus, in the case of an assassination, such as Jack Ruby’s murder of Lee Harvey Oswald, on public television, there is no need for a complex judicial process, since the name of the murderer is evident to all.
Will not the possibility exist of a private court that may turn venal and dishonest, or of a private police force that turns criminal and extorts money by coercion? Of course such an event may occur, given the propensities of human nature. Anarchism is not a moral cure-all. But the important point is that market forces exist to place severe checks on such possibilities, especially in contrast to a society where a state exists. For, in the first place, judges, like arbitrators, will prosper on the market in proportion to their reputation for efficiency and impartiality. Secondly, on the free market important checks and balances exist against venal courts or criminal police forces. Namely, that there are competing courts and police agencies to whom victims may turn for redress. If the “Prudential Police Agency” should turn outlaw and extract revenue from victims by coercion, the latter would have the option of turning to the “Mutual” or “Equitable” Police Agency for defense and for pressing charges against Prudential. These are the genuine “checks and balances” of the free market, genuine in contrast to the phony check and balances of a state system, where all the alleged “balancing” agencies are in the hands of one monopoly government. Indeed, given the monopoly “protection service” of a state, what is there to prevent a state from using its monopoly channels of coercion to extort money from the public? What are the checks and limits of the state? None, except for the extremely difficult course of revolution against a power with all of the guns in its hands. In fact, the state provides an easy, legitimated channel for crime and aggression, since it has its very being in the crime of tax theft, and the coerced monopoly of “protection.” It is the state, indeed, that functions as a mighty “protection racket” on a giant and massive scale. It is the state that says: “Pay us for your ‘protection’ or else.” In the light of the massive and inherent activities of the state, the danger of a “protection racket” emerging from one or more private police agencies is relatively small indeed.
Moreover, it must be emphasized that a crucial element in the power of the state is its legitimacy in the eyes of the majority of the public, the fact that after centuries of propaganda, the depredations of the state are looked upon rather as benevolent services. Taxation is generally not seen as theft, nor war as mass murder, nor conscription as slavery. Should a private police agency turn outlaw, should “Prudential” become a protection racket, it would then lack the social legitimacy which the state has managed to accrue to itself over the centuries. “Prudential” would be seen by all as bandits, rather than as legitimate or divinely appointed “sovereigns” bent on promoting the “common good” or the “general welfare.” And lacking such legitimacy, “Prudential” would have to face the wrath of the public and the defense and retaliation of the other private defense agencies, the police and courts, on the free market. Given these inherent checks and limits, a successful transformation from a free society to bandit rule becomes most unlikely. Indeed, historically, it has been very difficult for a state to arise to supplant a stateless society; usually, it has come about through external conquest rather than by evolution from within a society.
Within the anarchist camp, there has been much dispute on whether the private courts would have to be bound by a basic, common law code. Ingenious attempts have been made to work out a system where the laws or standards of decision-making by the courts would differ completely from one to another.7 But in my view all would have to abide by the basic law code, in particular, prohibition of aggression against person and property, in order to fulfill our definition of anarchism as a system which provides no legal sanction for such aggression. Suppose, for example, that one group of people in society holds that all redheads are demons who deserve to be shot on sight. Suppose that Jones, one of this group, shoots Smith, a redhead. Suppose that Smith or his heir presses charges in a court, but that Jones’s court, in philosophic agreement with Jones, finds him innocent therefore. It seems to me that in order to be considered legitimate, any court would have to follow the basic libertarian law code of the inviolate right of person and property. For otherwise, courts might legally subscribe to a code which sanctions such aggression in various cases, and which to that extent would violate the definition of anarchism and introduce, if not the state, then a strong element of statishness or legalized aggression into the society.
But again I see no insuperable difficulties here. For in that case, anarchists, in agitating for their creed, will simply include in their agitation the idea of a general libertarian law code as part and parcel of the anarchist creed of abolition of legalized aggression against person or property in the society.
In contrast to the general law code, other aspects of court decisions could legitimately vary in accordance with the market or the wishes of the clients; for example, the language the cases will be conducted in, the number of judges to be involved, and so on.
There are other problems of the basic law code which there is no time to go into here: for example, the definition of just property titles or the question of legitimate punishment of convicted offenders — though the latter problem of course exists in statist legal systems as well.8 The basic point, however, is that the state is not needed to arrive at legal principles or their elaboration: indeed, much of the common law, the law merchant, admiralty law, and private law in general, grew up apart from the state, by judges not making the law but finding it on the basis of agreed-upon principles derived either from custom or reason.9 The idea that the state is needed to make law is as much a myth as that the state is needed to supply postal or police services.
Enough has been said here, I believe, to indicate that an anarchist system for settling disputes would be both viable and self-subsistent: that once adopted, it could work and continue indefinitely. How to arrive at that system is of course a very different problem, but certainly at the very least it will not likely come about unless people are convinced of its workability, are convinced, in short, that the state is not a necessary evil.

[Murray Rothbard delivered this talk 32 years ago today at the American Society for Political and Legal Philosophy (ASPLP), Washington, DC: December 28, 1974. It was first published in The Libertarian Forum, volume 7.1, January 1975, available in PDF and ePub.]

https://mises.org/mises-daily/society-without-state
In attempting to outline how a “society without a state” — that is, an anarchist society — might function successfully, I would first like to defuse two common but mistaken criticisms of this approach. First, is the argument that in providing for such defense or protection services as courts, police, or even law itself, I am simply smuggling the state back into society in another form, and that therefore the system I am both analyzing and advocating is not “really” anarchism. This sort of criticism can only involve us in an endless and arid dispute over semantics. Let me say from the beginning that I define the state as that institution which possesses one or both (almost always both) of the following properties: (1) it acquires its income by the physical coercion known as “taxation”; and (2) it asserts and usually obtains a coerced monopoly of the provision of defense service (police and courts) over a given territorial area. An institution not possessing either of these properties is not and cannot be, in accordance with my definition, a state. On the other hand, I define anarchist society as one where there is no legal possibility for coercive aggression against the person or property of an individual. Anarchists oppose the state because it has its very being in such aggression, namely, the expropriation of private property through taxation, the coercive exclusion of other providers of defense service from its territory, and all of the other depredations and coercions that are built upon these twin foci of invasions of individual rights.
Nor is our definition of the state arbitrary, for these two characteristics have been possessed by what is generally acknowledged to be states throughout recorded history. The state, by its use of physical coercion, has arrogated to itself a compulsory monopoly of defense services over its territorial jurisdiction. But it is certainly conceptually possible for such services to be supplied by private, non-state institutions, and indeed such services have historically been supplied by other organizations than the state. To be opposed to the state is then not necessarily to be opposed to services that have often been linked with it; to be opposed to the state does not necessarily imply that we must be opposed to police protection, courts, arbitration, the minting of money, postal service, or roads and highways. Some anarchists have indeed been opposed to police and to all physical coercion in defense of person and property, but this is not inherent in and is fundamentally irrelevant to the anarchist position, which is precisely marked by opposition to all physical coercion invasive of, or aggressing against, person and property.
The crucial role of taxation may be seen in the fact that the state is the only institution or organization in society which regularly and systematically acquires its income through the use of physical coercion. All other individuals or organizations acquire their income voluntarily, either (1) through the voluntary sale of goods and services to consumers on the market, or (2) through voluntary gifts or donations by members or other donors. If I cease or refrain from purchasing Wheaties on the market, the Wheaties producers do not come after me with a gun or the threat of imprisonment to force me to purchase; if I fail to join the American Philosophical Association, the association may not force me to join or prevent me from giving up my membership. Only the state can do so; only the state can confiscate my property or put me in jail if I do not pay its tax tribute. Therefore, only the state regularly exists and has its very being by means of coercive depredations on private property.
Neither is it legitimate to challenge this sort of analysis by claiming that in some other sense, the purchase of Wheaties or membership in the APA is in some way “coercive.” Anyone who is still unhappy with this use of the term “coercion” can simply eliminate the word from this discussion and substitute for it “physical violence or the threat thereof,” with the only loss being in literary style rather than in the substance of the argument. What anarchism proposes to do, then, is to abolish the state, that is, to abolish the regularized institution of aggressive coercion.
It need hardly be added that the state habitually builds upon its coercive source of income by adding a host of other aggressions upon society, ranging from economic controls to the prohibition of pornography to the compelling of religious observance to the mass murder of civilians in organized warfare. In short, the state, in the words of Albert Jay Nock, “claims and exercises a monopoly of crime” over its territorial area.
The second criticism I would like to defuse before beginning the main body of the paper is the common charge that anarchists “assume that all people are good” and that without the state no crime would be committed. In short, that anarchism assumes that with the abolition of the state a New Anarchist Man will emerge, cooperative, humane, and benevolent, so that no problem of crime will then plague the society. I confess that I do not understand the basis for this charge. Whatever other schools of anarchism profess — and I do not believe that they are open to the charge — I certainly do not adopt this view. I assume with most observers that mankind is a mixture of good and evil, of cooperative and criminal tendencies. In my view, the anarchist society is one which maximizes the tendencies for the good and the cooperative, while it minimizes both the opportunity and the moral legitimacy of the evil and the criminal. If the anarchist view is correct and the state is indeed the great legalized and socially legitimated channel for all manner of antisocial crime — theft, oppression, mass murder — on a massive scale, then surely the abolition of such an engine of crime can do nothing but favor the good in man and discourage the bad.
A further point: in a profound sense, no social system, whether anarchist or statist, can work at all unless most people are “good” in the sense that they are not all hell-bent upon assaulting and robbing their neighbors. If everyone were so disposed, no amount of protection, whether state or private, could succeed in staving off chaos. Furthermore, the more that people are disposed to be peaceful and not aggress against their neighbors, the more successfully any social system will work, and the fewer resources will need to be devoted to police protection. The anarchist view holds that, given the “nature of man,” given the degree of goodness or badness at any point in time, anarchism will maximize the opportunities for the good and minimize the channels for the bad. The rest depends on the values held by the individual members of society. The only further point that need be made is that by eliminating the living example and the social legitimacy of the massive legalized crime of the state, anarchism will to a large extent promote peaceful values in the minds of the public.
We cannot of course deal here with the numerous arguments in favor of anarchism or against the state, moral, political, and economic. Nor can we take up the various goods and services now provided by the state and show how private individuals and groups will be able to supply them far more efficiently on the free market. Here we can only deal with perhaps the most difficult area, the area where it is almost universally assumed that the state must exist and act, even if it is only a “necessary evil” instead of a positive good: the vital realm of defense or protection of person and property against aggression. Surely, it is universally asserted, the state is at least vitally necessary to provide police protection, the judicial resolution of disputes and enforcement of contracts, and the creation of the law itself that is to be enforced. My contention is that all of these admittedly necessary services of protection can be satisfactorily and efficiently supplied by private persons and institutions on the free market.
One important caveat before we begin the body of this paper: new proposals such as anarchism are almost always gauged against the implicit assumption that the present, or statist system works to perfection. Any lacunae or difficulties with the picture of the anarchist society are considered net liabilities, and enough to dismiss anarchism out of hand. It is, in short, implicitly assumed that the state is doing its self-assumed job of protecting person and property to perfection. We cannot here go into the reasons why the state is bound to suffer inherently from grave flaws and inefficiencies in such a task. All we need do now is to point to the black and unprecedented record of the state through history: no combination of private marauders can possibly begin to match the state’s unremitting record of theft, confiscation, oppression, and mass murder. No collection of Mafia or private bank robbers can begin to compare with all the Hiroshimas, Dresdens, and Lidices and their analogues through the history of mankind.
This point can be made more philosophically: it is illegitimate to compare the merits of anarchism and statism by starting with the present system as the implicit given and then critically examining only the anarchist alternative. What we must do is to begin at the zero point and then critically examine both suggested alternatives. Suppose, for example, that we were all suddenly dropped down on the earth de novo and that we were all then confronted with the question of what societal arrangements to adopt. And suppose then that someone suggested: “We are all bound to suffer from those of us who wish to aggress against their fellow men. Let us then solve this problem of crime by handing all of our weapons to the Jones family, over there, by giving all of our ultimate power to settle disputes to that family. In that way, with their monopoly of coercion and of ultimate decision making, the Jones family will be able to protect each of us from each other.” I submit that this proposal would get very short shrift, except perhaps from the Jones family themselves. And yet this is precisely the common argument for the existence of the state. When we start from the zero point, as in the case of the Jones family, the question of “who will guard the guardians?” becomes not simply an abiding lacuna in the theory of the state but an overwhelming barrier to its existence.
A final caveat: the anarchist is always at a disadvantage in attempting to forecast the shape of the future anarchist society. For it is impossible for observers to predict voluntary social arrangements, including the provision of goods and services, on the free market. Suppose, for example, that this were the year 1874 and that someone predicted that eventually there would be a radio-manufacturing industry. To be able to make such a forecast successfully, does he have to be challenged to state immediately how many radio manufacturers there would be a century hence, how big they would be, where they would be located, what technology and marketing techniques they would use, and so on? Obviously, such a challenge would make no sense, and in a profound sense the same is true of those who demand a precise portrayal of the pattern of protection activities on the market. Anarchism advocates the dissolution of the state into social and market arrangements, and these arrangements are far more flexible and less predictable than political institutions. The most that we can do, then, is to offer broad guidelines and perspectives on the shape of a projected anarchist society.
One important point to make here is that the advance of modern technology makes anarchistic arrangements increasingly feasible. Take, for example, the case of lighthouses, where it is often charged that it is unfeasible for private lighthouse operators to row out to each ship to charge it for use of the light. Apart from the fact that this argument ignores the successful existence of private lighthouses in earlier days, as in England in the eighteenth century, another vital consideration is that modern electronic technology makes charging each ship for the light far more feasible. Thus, the ship would have to have paid for an electronically controlled beam which could then be automatically turned on for those ships which had paid for the service.
Let us turn now to the problem of how disputes — in particular disputes over alleged violations of person and property — would be resolved in an anarchist society. First, it should be noted that all disputes involve two parties: the plaintiff, the alleged victim of the crime or tort and the defendant, the alleged aggressor. In many cases of broken contract, of course, each of the two parties alleging that the other is the culprit is at the same time a plaintiff and a defendant.
An important point to remember is that any society, be it statist or anarchist, has to have some way of resolving disputes that will gain a majority consensus in society. There would be no need for courts or arbitrators if everyone were omniscient and knew instantaneously which persons were guilty of any given crime or violation of contract. Since none of us is omniscient, there has to be some method of deciding who is the criminal or lawbreaker which will gain legitimacy; in short, whose decision will be accepted by the great majority of the public.
In the first place, a dispute may be resolved voluntarily between the two parties themselves, either unaided or with the help of a third mediator. This poses no problem, and will automatically be accepted by society at large. It is so accepted even now, much less in a society imbued with the anarchistic values of peaceful cooperation and agreement. Secondly and similarly, the two parties, unable to reach agreement, may decide to submit voluntarily to the decision of an arbitrator. This agreement may arise either after a dispute has arisen, or be provided for in advance in the original contract. Again, there is no problem in such an arrangement gaining legitimacy. Even in the present statist era, the notorious inefficiency and coercive and cumbersome procedures of the politically run government courts has led increasing numbers of citizens to turn to voluntary and expert arbitration for a speedy and harmonious settling of disputes.
Thus, William C. Wooldridge has written that

Wooldridge adds the important point that, in addition to the speed of arbitration procedures vis-à-vis the courts, the arbitrators can proceed as experts in disregard of the official government law; in a profound sense, then, they serve to create a voluntary body of private law. “In other words,” states Wooldridge, “the system of extralegal, voluntary courts has progressed hand in hand with a body of private law; the rules of the state are circumvented by the same process that circumvents the forums established for the settlement of disputes over those rules…. In short, a private agreement between two people, a bilateral “law,” has supplanted the official law. The writ of the sovereign has cease to run, and for it is substituted a rule tacitly or explicitly agreed to by the parties. Wooldridge concludes that “if an arbitrator can choose to ignore a penal damage rule or the statute of limitations applicable to the claim before him (and it is generally conceded that he has that power), arbitration can be viewed as a practically revolutionary instrument for self-liberation from the law….”2
It may be objected that arbitration only works successfully because the courts enforce the award of the arbitrator. Wooldridge points out, however, that arbitration was unenforceable in the American courts before 1920, but that this did not prevent voluntary arbitration from being successful and expanding in the United States and in England. He points, furthermore, to the successful operations of merchant courts since the Middle Ages, those courts which successfully developed the entire body of the law merchant. None of those courts possessed the power of enforcement. He might have added the private courts of shippers which developed the body of admiralty law in a similar way.
How then did these private, “anarchistic,” and voluntary courts ensure the acceptance of their decisions? By the method of social ostracism, and by the refusal to deal any further with the offending merchant. This method of voluntary “enforcement,” indeed proved highly successful. Wooldridge writes that “the merchants’ courts were voluntary, and if a man ignored their judgment, he could not be sent to jail…. Nevertheless, it is apparent that … [their] decisions were generally respected even by the losers; otherwise people would never have used them in the first place…. Merchants made their courts work simply by agreeing to abide by the results. The merchant who broke the understanding would not be sent to jail, to be sure, but neither would he long continue to be a merchant, for the compliance exacted by his fellows … proved if anything more effective than physical coercion.”3 Nor did this voluntary method fail to work in modern times. Wooldridge writes that it was precisely in the years before 1920, when arbitration awards could not be enforced in the courts,

It should also be pointed out that modern technology makes even more feasible the collection and dissemination of information about people’s credit ratings and records of keeping or violating their contracts or arbitration agreements. Presumably, an anarchist society would see the expansion of this sort of dissemination of data and thereby facilitate the ostracism or boycotting of contract and arbitration violators.
How would arbitrators be selected in an anarchist society? In the same way as they are chosen now, and as they were chosen in the days of strictly voluntary arbitration: the arbitrators with the best reputation for efficiency and probity would be chosen by the various parties on the market. As in other processes of the market, the arbitrators with the best record in settling disputes will come to gain an increasing amount of business, and those with poor records will no longer enjoy clients and will have to shift to another line of endeavor. Here it must be emphasized that parties in dispute will seek out those arbitrators with the best reputation for both expertise and impartiality and that inefficient or biased arbitrators will rapidly have to find another occupation.
Thus, the Tannehills emphasize:

If desired, furthermore, the contracting parties could provide in advance for a series of arbitrators:

Arbitration, then, poses little difficulty for a portrayal of the free society. But what of torts or crimes of aggression where there has been no contract? Or suppose that the breaker of a contract defies the arbitration award? Is ostracism enough? In short, how can courts develop in the free-market anarchist society which will have the power to enforce judgments against criminals or contract breakers?
In the wide sense, defense service consists of guards or police who use force in defending person and property against attack, and judges or courts whose role is to use socially accepted procedures to determine who the criminals or tortfeasors are, as well as to enforce judicial awards, such as damages or the keeping of contracts. On the free market, many scenarios are possible on the relationship between the private courts and the police; they may be “vertically integrated,” for example, or their services may be supplied by separate firms. Furthermore, it seems likely that police service will be supplied by insurance companies who will provide crime insurance to their clients. In that case, insurance companies will pay off the victims of crime or the breaking of contracts or arbitration awards and then pursue the aggressors in court to recoup their losses. There is a natural market connection between insurance companies and defense service, since they need pay out less benefits in proportion as they are able to keep down the rate of crime.
Courts might either charge fees for their services, with the losers of cases obliged to pay court costs, or else they may subsist on monthly or yearly premiums by their clients, who may be either individuals or the police or insurance agencies. Suppose, for example, that Smith is an aggrieved party, either because he has been assaulted or robbed, or because an arbitration award in his favor has not been honored. Smith believes that Jones is the party guilty of the crime. Smith then goes to a court, Court A, of which he is a client, and brings charges against Jones as a defendant. In my view, the hallmark of an anarchist society is one where no man may legally compel someone who is not a convicted criminal to do anything, since that would be aggression against an innocent man’s person or property. Therefore, Court A can only invite rather than subpoena Jones to attend his trial. Of course, if Jones refused to appear or send a representative, his side of the case will not be heard. The trial of Jones proceeds. Suppose that Court A finds Jones innocent. In my view, part of the generally accepted law code of the anarchist society (on which see further below) is that this must end the matter unless Smith can prove charges of gross incompetence or bias on the part of the court.
Suppose, next, that Court A finds Jones guilty. Jones might accept the verdict, because he too is a client of the same court, because he knows he is guilty, or for some other reason. In that case, Court A proceeds to exercise judgment against Jones. Neither of these instances poses very difficult problems for our picture of the anarchist society. But suppose, instead, that Jones contests the decision; he then goes to his court, Court B, and the case is retried there. Suppose that Court B, too, finds Jones guilty. Again, it seems to me that the accepted law code of the anarchist society will assert that this ends the matter; both parties have had their say in courts which each has selected, and the decision for guilt is unanimous.
Suppose, however, the most difficult case: that Court B finds Jones innocent. The two courts, each subscribed to by one of the two parties, have split their verdicts. In that case, the two courts will submit the case to an appeals court, or arbitrator, which the two courts agree upon. There seems to be no real difficulty about the concept of an appeals court. As in the case of arbitration contracts, it seems very likely that the various private courts in the society will have prior agreements to submit their disputes to a particular appeals court. How will the appeals judges be chosen? Again, as in the case of arbitrators or of the first judges on the free market, they will be chosen for their expertise and their reputation for efficiency, honesty, and integrity. Obviously, appeals judges who are inefficient or biased will scarcely be chosen by courts who will have a dispute. The point here is that there is no need for a legally established or institutionalized single, monopoly appeals court system, as states now provide. There is no reason why there cannot arise a multitude of efficient and honest appeals judges who will be selected by the disputant courts, just as there are numerous private arbitrators on the market today. The appeals court renders its decision, and the courts proceed to enforce it if, in our example, Jones is considered guilty — unless, of course, Jones can prove bias in some other court proceedings.
No society can have unlimited judicial appeals, for in that case there would be no point to having judges or courts at all. Therefore, every society, whether statist or anarchist, will have to have some socially accepted cutoff point for trials and appeals. My suggestion is the rule that the agreement of any two courts, be decisive. “Two” is not an arbitrary figure, for it reflects the fact that there are two parties, the plaintiff and the defendant, to any alleged crime or contract dispute.
If the courts are to be empowered to enforce decision against guilty parties, does this not bring back the state in another form and thereby negate anarchism? No, for at the beginning of this paper I explicitly defined anarchism in such a way as not to rule out the use of defensive force — force in defense of person and property — by privately supported agencies. In the same way, it is not bringing back the state to allow persons to use force to defend themselves against aggression, or to hire guards or police agencies to defend them.
It should be noted, however, that in the anarchist society there will be no “district attorney” to press charges on behalf of “society.” Only the victims will press charges as the plaintiffs. If, then, these victims should happen to be absolute pacifists who are opposed even to defensive force, then they will simply not press charges in the courts or otherwise retaliate against those who have aggressed against them. In a free society that would be their right. If the victim should suffer from murder, then his heir would have the right to press the charges.
What of the Hatfield-and-McCoy problem? Suppose that a Hatfield kills a McCoy, and that McCoy’s heir does not belong to a private insurance, police agency, or court, and decides to retaliate himself? Since under anarchism there can be no coercion of the noncriminal, McCoy would have the perfect right to do so. No one may be compelled to bring his case to a court. Indeed, since the right to hire police or courts flows from the right of self-defense against aggression, it would be inconsistent and in contradiction to the very basis of the free society to institute such compulsion.
Suppose, then, that the surviving McCoy finds what he believes to be the guilty Hatfield and kills him in turn? What then? This is fine, except that McCoy may have to worry about charges being brought against him by a surviving Hatfield. Here it must be emphasized that in the law of the anarchist society based on defense against aggression, the courts would not be able to proceed against McCoy if in fact he killed the right Hatfield. His problem would arise if the courts should find that he made a grievous mistake and killed the wrong man; in that case, he in turn would be found guilty of murder. Surely, in most instances, individuals will wish to obviate such problems by taking their case to a court and thereby gain social acceptability for their defensive retaliation — not for the act of retaliation but for the correctness of deciding who the criminal in any given case might be. The purpose of the judicial process, indeed, is to find a way of general agreement on who might be the criminal or contract breaker in any given case. The judicial process is not a good in itself; thus, in the case of an assassination, such as Jack Ruby’s murder of Lee Harvey Oswald, on public television, there is no need for a complex judicial process, since the name of the murderer is evident to all.
Will not the possibility exist of a private court that may turn venal and dishonest, or of a private police force that turns criminal and extorts money by coercion? Of course such an event may occur, given the propensities of human nature. Anarchism is not a moral cure-all. But the important point is that market forces exist to place severe checks on such possibilities, especially in contrast to a society where a state exists. For, in the first place, judges, like arbitrators, will prosper on the market in proportion to their reputation for efficiency and impartiality. Secondly, on the free market important checks and balances exist against venal courts or criminal police forces. Namely, that there are competing courts and police agencies to whom victims may turn for redress. If the “Prudential Police Agency” should turn outlaw and extract revenue from victims by coercion, the latter would have the option of turning to the “Mutual” or “Equitable” Police Agency for defense and for pressing charges against Prudential. These are the genuine “checks and balances” of the free market, genuine in contrast to the phony check and balances of a state system, where all the alleged “balancing” agencies are in the hands of one monopoly government. Indeed, given the monopoly “protection service” of a state, what is there to prevent a state from using its monopoly channels of coercion to extort money from the public? What are the checks and limits of the state? None, except for the extremely difficult course of revolution against a power with all of the guns in its hands. In fact, the state provides an easy, legitimated channel for crime and aggression, since it has its very being in the crime of tax theft, and the coerced monopoly of “protection.” It is the state, indeed, that functions as a mighty “protection racket” on a giant and massive scale. It is the state that says: “Pay us for your ‘protection’ or else.” In the light of the massive and inherent activities of the state, the danger of a “protection racket” emerging from one or more private police agencies is relatively small indeed.
Moreover, it must be emphasized that a crucial element in the power of the state is its legitimacy in the eyes of the majority of the public, the fact that after centuries of propaganda, the depredations of the state are looked upon rather as benevolent services. Taxation is generally not seen as theft, nor war as mass murder, nor conscription as slavery. Should a private police agency turn outlaw, should “Prudential” become a protection racket, it would then lack the social legitimacy which the state has managed to accrue to itself over the centuries. “Prudential” would be seen by all as bandits, rather than as legitimate or divinely appointed “sovereigns” bent on promoting the “common good” or the “general welfare.” And lacking such legitimacy, “Prudential” would have to face the wrath of the public and the defense and retaliation of the other private defense agencies, the police and courts, on the free market. Given these inherent checks and limits, a successful transformation from a free society to bandit rule becomes most unlikely. Indeed, historically, it has been very difficult for a state to arise to supplant a stateless society; usually, it has come about through external conquest rather than by evolution from within a society.
Within the anarchist camp, there has been much dispute on whether the private courts would have to be bound by a basic, common law code. Ingenious attempts have been made to work out a system where the laws or standards of decision-making by the courts would differ completely from one to another.7 But in my view all would have to abide by the basic law code, in particular, prohibition of aggression against person and property, in order to fulfill our definition of anarchism as a system which provides no legal sanction for such aggression. Suppose, for example, that one group of people in society holds that all redheads are demons who deserve to be shot on sight. Suppose that Jones, one of this group, shoots Smith, a redhead. Suppose that Smith or his heir presses charges in a court, but that Jones’s court, in philosophic agreement with Jones, finds him innocent therefore. It seems to me that in order to be considered legitimate, any court would have to follow the basic libertarian law code of the inviolate right of person and property. For otherwise, courts might legally subscribe to a code which sanctions such aggression in various cases, and which to that extent would violate the definition of anarchism and introduce, if not the state, then a strong element of statishness or legalized aggression into the society.
But again I see no insuperable difficulties here. For in that case, anarchists, in agitating for their creed, will simply include in their agitation the idea of a general libertarian law code as part and parcel of the anarchist creed of abolition of legalized aggression against person or property in the society.
In contrast to the general law code, other aspects of court decisions could legitimately vary in accordance with the market or the wishes of the clients; for example, the language the cases will be conducted in, the number of judges to be involved, and so on.
There are other problems of the basic law code which there is no time to go into here: for example, the definition of just property titles or the question of legitimate punishment of convicted offenders — though the latter problem of course exists in statist legal systems as well.8 The basic point, however, is that the state is not needed to arrive at legal principles or their elaboration: indeed, much of the common law, the law merchant, admiralty law, and private law in general, grew up apart from the state, by judges not making the law but finding it on the basis of agreed-upon principles derived either from custom or reason.9 The idea that the state is needed to make law is as much a myth as that the state is needed to supply postal or police services.
Enough has been said here, I believe, to indicate that an anarchist system for settling disputes would be both viable and self-subsistent: that once adopted, it could work and continue indefinitely. How to arrive at that system is of course a very different problem, but certainly at the very least it will not likely come about unless people are convinced of its workability, are convinced, in short, that the state is not a necessary evil.

[Murray Rothbard delivered this talk 32 years ago today at the American Society for Political and Legal Philosophy (ASPLP), Washington, DC: December 28, 1974. It was first published in The Libertarian Forum, volume 7.1, January 1975, available in PDF and ePub.]

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9240103/

Patterns of Gender-Based Violence in Conflict-Affected Ukraine: A Descriptive Analysis of Internally Displaced and Local Women Receiving Psychosocial Services

Arbitrary Displacement Is a Structural Rot that Hegemonizes Economic Abuse and with it Economic Collapse
Checkpoints for the displaced showed the most violence, literally predating on women when they were the most vulnerable by armed men.
Almost 8% of violent incidents against displaced women occurred at checkpoints or at reception centers for internally displaced persons (IDP) and 20% were perpetrated by armed men.
Majority of Ukrainian female respondents described their household economic situation as bad or very bad (59%)
A survey of internally displaced persons (IDPs) in Ukraine found that a majority of respondents described their household economic situation as bad or very bad (59%), and only 22% held regular employment (Roberts et al., 2017).
Women fleeing violence are most likely to be exposed to sexually violent men exactly at the moments they were most expecting protection. This suggests a pattern of men who watch for the female victims of their enemies, and then violate them when they come to them, simply out of nationalist/ethnicist hate crime, with no care about their status as a victim.
Meta-analytic findings estimate a 21% prevalence of sexual violence among female refugees and IDPs (Vu et al., 2014).
A 2014 national survey conducted shortly after the start of the conflict found that 19% of 15–49 year old women had experienced violence since the age of 15 compared to 17% in 2007 (Martsenyuk et al., 2014).
Displaced women were more likely to experience sexual violence
Furthermore, we hypothesized that among GBV survivors: 1) proportionally more violent acts against displaced women would be non-domestic and associated with combat operations (i.e., demobilized and active governmental and non-governmental soldiers); 2) displaced women would be more likely to experience sexual violence than local women; and 3) patterns of reporting and referrals would differ depending on a woman’s residency status.
UN Women’s Framework for emergency response and preparedness (UN Women, 2013) was used
The adaptation process followed the recommendations of the GBV-IMS Rollout Guidelines (UNFPA, n.d.) and the UN Women’s Framework for emergency response and preparedness (UN Women, 2013), and entailed piloting the tool with several mobile teams and incorporating the feedback from the field.
Definition of internally displaced person
Ukrainian law defines an internally displaced person as “a citizen of Ukraine, a foreigner or a stateless person who is in the territory of Ukraine legally and has the right to reside permanently in Ukraine, and who was forced to leave his place of residence due to armed conflict, temporary occupation, widespread violence, human rights violations or emergencies of natural or man-made nature” (On Ensuring the Rights and Freedoms of Internally Displaced Persons, 2014).
Forced marriage with economic abuse followed with rape and sexual assault
Determination of GBV type was made by mobile team members using the GBV-IMS classification tool (UNFPA et al., 2011). The form instructs providers to select only one GBV type per case based on a series of questions asked in a specific order, as follows: 1) rape (if any type of penetration occurred); 2) sexual assault (if there was unwanted sexual contact); 3) physical assault (if there was physical battery); 4) forced marriage; 5) economic violence (in cases of denial of resources, opportunities, or services); 6) psychological or emotional abuse (if the incident involved insults, name-calling, and humiliation); and 7) no GBV (if none of the above). If, for example, a woman reported experiencing unwanted sexual contact, the provider would classify the case as “sexual assault” and continue to the following section.
One in five women who experienced violence were unemployed, showing these violent perpetrators may keep their victims from employment or sabotage their employment purposefully to put them in harm’s way.
More than one in five (21.6%) women who experienced violence were unemployed, with no differences between the groups. Overall, slightly less than one-third (30.7%) of the women engaged in unpaid labor such as elder and childcare, with significantly higher proportions among local women. Proportionally more displaced women had a professional occupation (24.6% vs. 20.0%, p<0.001).
78.3% of women reported that a man raped them. Half of the women reported psychological abuse in addition, showing many rapists are psychologically abusive before and after as a tell-tale sign.
More than three-quarters (78.3%) of women reported that a man was the perpetrator. In nearly half of the cases, the perpetrator was an intimate partner (49.5%); and in roughly one in five (21.8%) a family member. Psychological abuse (48.4%) was reported by almost half of the women (See Table 2).
Compared to local women, proportionally more displaced women reported an incident of rape or sexual abuse (3.1% vs. 2.1%, p<0.001) or economic abuse (23.4% vs. 14.4%, p<0.001).
Gender based violence affects one million women annually in Ukraine
GBV is a grave human rights violation that affects an estimated one million women annually in Ukraine (Barrett et al., 2012). Social disruption and frail economic conditions in humanitarian settings further aggravate women’s vulnerability to violence, particularly for displaced women (Stark & Ager, 2011; Stark et al., 2017). This analysis supports our primary hypothesis that the experience of violence differs by survivors’ residency status. Specifically, we found differences in terms of relationship to the perpetrator, type of violence experienced and access to care between local and displaced women.
Checkpoints, or borderlines, nebulous zones of power shifts were huge points of violence to Ukrainian women, showing power shifts are often signaled by violence, especially to the most vulnerable.
Notably, 20.0% of displaced women in our sample experienced violence at the hands of armed men compared to 5.3% of local women. We also found that checkpoints between government-controlled and non-government–controlled areas and IDP reception centers posed a particular risk for displaced women in our study.
38% more displaced women reported experiencing sexual violence than local women, meaning people were actively preying on people who were displaced, not protecting them. This shows Ukrainian women are at huge risk of opportunistic rape by the very men pretending to be safe.
Whereas sexual violence was the least common type of reported violence, 38% more displaced women reported experiencing sexual violence than local women.
Ukrainian women come from a long history of corrupt police, so they did not report to the police because the police do not work for them and never have. That is not their fault; it is their country and area’s fault.
Studies in conflict-affected Ukraine found that a majority of survivors were unwilling to report GBV incidents to the police, particularly among internally displaced women (UCSR, 2018).
Because of this violence around the very people that were supposed to protect them, Ukrainian women are less likely to file a police report. Displaced women were even more unlikely. It is an intelligent decision to not have a faith that has been factually and with evidence violated repeatedly.
we found that displaced women were less than half as likely than local women to have filed a police report.
Younger women seek gender based violence services more than older women, showing Ukrainian women are often being targeted for their fertility and not receiving justice can help them remain to be seen as a fertility commodity instead of a human being, making European countries very wary of the nation seeing how their women are treated. Women's rights feature largely in European economic inclusion.
For example, among GBV survivors in Ukraine, younger women seek services for GBV more often than older women (41% of those aged 15–29 vs. 26% those aged 40–49) (Martsenyuk et al., 2014). Therefore, this analysis is not representative of all women experiencing violence.
Domestic violence within the ranks of the warring country increased during war for Ukrainian women, instead of coming together in solidarity and mutual support
Studies in complex emergency settings have found stigma among GBV survivors, normalization of domestic violence during times of conflict, unwillingness to report men living in the home for fear of forced military recruitment, and reluctance to involve law enforcement as major reporting barriers, especially among displaced women survivors of violence (Ager et al., 2018; Stark & Ager, 2011).
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9240103/

Millennial here. I’ve noticed a trend where when I walk up to order something a lot of Gen Z kids will just stare at you. Like they don’t say “Hi!” or “what can i get for you?” - Do I just happen to keep getting rude gen z’ers or is this a thing? Or maybe they don’t think it’s rude? Is there some reasoning I don’t understand?
TLDR I’ve worked in food and the service industry for years so it always blows my mind. When I was 15 I was working as a food cashier and that’s just the basic way to greet a customer.
It happened again today. I walked in, didn’t get a greeting (was the only customer) but figured whatever, then she comes over and just stares at me from across the counter. So weird. So finally I say “Hi!” with a smile and she just stares at me. At this point I’m like maybe she didn’t hear me, so I say “Hi!” again and she just stares some more…..😂

Do any other stores schedule OFAs all by themself? My store does and it’s insane. I had to work 9 hours by myself with no break or lunch. Even still when I left there were over 15 massive deliveries going out tomorrow morning I hadn’t even gotten to (plus 10+ BOPIS in the red and I hadn’t even touched Will Calls)
I find it INSANE that all by myself, I’m expected to keep up with BOPIS, BOSS, Will Calls, Deliveries AND pulling customers pick up orders like doors, lumber, etc.
Most of the time I can’t even work on any BOPIS / Deliveries because I’m 24/7 being called by customer service to grab items.
OFA has got to be one of the hardest working positions at HD. Please give us more help!!
In my opinion there needs to be a separate branch or OFA that is dedicated to customers picking up items. It is insanely hard when you’re in the middle of pulling a BOPIS (timed) or delivery and now you’re expected to drop that and go grab 5 doors AND then help the customer load them into their vehicle. You’re not just an OFA, you’re a loader.

Chapter one
How do memories look for you? Like flashes? Clear as day? Can you remember?
I can. I can see things so clearly. I can hear things so clearly. I can remember. But only as flashes.
I’m listening to Cathy O’Briens book and she says write. Do not speak.
Even now I don’t think it’s the same as typing.
I plan to get a notebook specifically for my memory. It’s strange. Like vomit. All mingled and mixed. And out of order. And “this memory” makes me think of “this memory.” And “this happened” but then before “this happened”. And I wish I could talk to someone but then also I’m glad I’m not. Cause what if they lead me astray. What if they make me believe it never happened.
This piece will be out of order. And for that forgive me. I want so badly to be cohesive and coherent but I’m afraid everything is jingled together.
Even now I have so much to say. The parkway. The basement at the elementary. The send off. The moving. The sexuality. They darkness. The depression. The dancing. The curiosity. The principal. Hiding under the desk. The gifted program. The dancing. The willingness. The ducks. The parties. The men. The lamp. Sergio. The face touch. The blood. The penthouse. The club. The drinks. The promises. The moments. The warnings. The desires. The memories. The tattoo. The dildos. The performance. The chat rooms. The meet ups. The hospital visits. The blood stains. The positions. The rooms. The timing. The willingness. The stretching. The exam. The scared nights. The scary movies. The drunken adults. The lumber jacks. The cia. Rox. The satanic worship. The rape of him. The unknown history of my family. The wealthy in Georgetown. The dress up. The music. The handball. The four square. The singing. The dancing. The sodomites. The teachers. The screams. The need for me. The desire for me. The bartenders. The p’mers. The stomach aches. The separation. The piss. The dark. The bath. The blue outfit. The men. The bus ride. The taxi ride. The train. The massage parlor. The neighbor. The chat rooms. The men. The parkway. The basement. The hallway. The grandparents. The crib. The dreams. The screams. The fear. The bus. The bubbles. The drinks. The cops. The piercings. The drives.
Nothing happened to me ever. I was never molested. I was never raped. I was never taken advantage of. I was protected from everything and anything.
However, by the time I was 16, I was heavily and deeply knowledgeable and accustomed to just about any and everything sexually in any and all parts of my body and also more than willing.
And I had tried committing suicide 3 times and lived with chronic stomach issues for the majority of my child hood.
For what reason I have no memory.
Cathy says to write. Write and your brain will think logically. And you will remember.
There’s so much, I don’t know where to start or what to write about. It’s different on a phone cause I can go back and add or re word and re order. I’m doing this tonight cause I don’t have a notepad. But it’s all out of order on paper and in my head. But if I write, even if out of order, maybe I’ll remember. I don’t even know why I’m posting.
But I have to unravel it. Beginning to end or not in order. There’s a lot of clarity but not a lot of memory.
And how and why does that make sense? It doesn’t.
So forgive me for this blog, for it will more than likely weave a tale that doesn’t make sense and is probably not true.
Or is that my alter telling me I will never remember. Cathy O’Brien says write. And I will.
Was I an mkultra/ human trafficking subject in the 90s and 2000s?
I hope to find an answer.

Ok so I work as a floor supervisor in food service, and the place is owned by a less than reliable company who tends to be pretty heavy-handed on firing people for really small offenses.
I think I’m very good and respected at my work, I get along amazingly with all my coworkers, and I never received a single customer complaint, nor a formal warning for anything I’ve done. I always show up on time, I never call in sick, and I’m generally very keen on doing overtime and taking others shifts.
There’s a new manager hired (last week) who’s particularly incompetent at their job, and requires impossible things from the floor staff. Today I got in a bit of a scuffle with them because they were requiring something that was literally impossible for me to do at that very moment, that wasn’t crucial to the continuation of service, and that would put me in an awkward position with my clients due to longer wait times.
Even though I’m usually very passive and complacent, I refused the instruction, and asked them to stop following me around and telling me how to do my job. I’m very qualified to do my job, and know exactly what has to be done at what timing, but they kept disturbing my service and ordering me around.
I received my first formal warning ever, and it stated that I refused to comply to instructions, and that I was insubordinate. I refused to sign the warning as I really didn’t think it was fair and didn’t want to be associated with the things they were accusing me off.
Instead of trying to have a conversation with me, the new manager left and got back home without saying goodbye to anyone.
I learn just now that they were hired by a higher corporate manager on a duty of cutting down costs. I’m the 2nd highest paid employee, and I know how fast corporate is quick to fire people, since it happened a lot of times.
The entirety of staff, and even the other co-manager, are on my side, and think the warning was deeply unfair.
I want to know if there are any Canadian work laws that could help me out in the eventuality of an unfair firing. I want to be as prepared as possible and know my rights if I’m ever to get fired, since it usually happens in matters of hours/days after an incident.
Help me out please, until literally last week, I loved and worshipped this job, and I’m a very important and needed part of my team.
Thank you 💓

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Complex-Wing7114
I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband
Originally posted to offmychest
Thabks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior, threats, abusive behavior, stalking
Original Post Apr 27, 2024
Throwaway account as my husband and In-laws are follow my main. I, 29 F, have been married to my husband, 30 m, who I'll call Alex. Alex and I met in college during our freshman year. We started off as just friends, and got married seven months ago. I've gotten along with his family, but we aren't super close but we're friendly enough. The problem is that Alex has begun to make me incredibly uncomfortable.
Firstly, he's begun to ask me who I'm meeting with, where, what we plan on doing, how long every single time I leave the house without him. At first, I just thought he was being protective and a good partner just in case something happened, but then he started checking my phone after the visits, vetting and researching each of my friends as well.
He also has been pursuing me to link my bank account to his, as he's "in charge" of the finances when he was perfectly fine with keeping them separate before. We fight about it almost every day.
Finally, yesterday when he was preparing to go on a work trip for two weeks in California, he demanded I wear a tracker so he could keep and eye on me while he's gone. I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm suffocating and his family who I've spoken to about his worrying behavior just said he's being careful and protective as a good husband should. I need to gather my things together and find a way to be gone before he gets home without tipping him off.
He's always threatened that if he ever found me cheating on him he'd turn in divorce papers the same day. He keeps a filled out copy in his desk. I'm going to submit those the day I leave. But there's so much to do, bergen finding a new place to live, seeing if my job has any transfers available, packing and moving in two weeks. His return flight May 11th, so I need to move quickly. I'm posting here because I don't have any close family, and I can't risk dragging my friends into this as we share the same friends.I just needed a place to vent, and ask if anyone has any advice on the easiest and safest way to do this?
Edit: oh my god you guys are amazing! I never even thought to not use his divorce papers. I'll check for cameras before I start any packing or prepping. I may also shred his divorce papers just in case and look into getting a lawyer for myself. I'm in a no fault divorce state, that much I so remember which will help. I'll update again when I know more. The tracker he wants me to use is a small clip to put on the belt or waistband. I'll wear it unless I'm going or doing something related to me leaving. No pets yet thankfully.
Update Apr 28, 2024
So I've gotten a lot of support and helpful advice along with questions I thought I should clarify before I proceed with the update. Some asked why I'd be 'hiding' things from Alex regarding going out and who I'm meeting with. I don't, and I have nothing to hide. However when he begins to then double check everything I tell him with the other people there right down to each person I talked to and what I said. Did I send any text msgs, did I order food, how much did I eat, that's when it started to feel like I was slowly being pushed into a corner. It didn't start that bad, but gradually grew worse overtime.
All of the Reddit subs my in-law's families are part of are related gardening and diy so I highly doubt they'll see this, if so by the time they do, I'll hopefully be gone. I talked to my job and explained things to my manager. And they promised to look into openings in other states to see if they could get me into one. They'll have an update on that in three days. I trust that my bank account us secured, considering he's tried to get into it before and failed. I found one camera in the kitchen, another in the living room and one in our bedroom. As such, I've left them in place for now and done all other planning, either in the bathroom pretending I'm taking a bath.
I'm honestly staying away from the domestic violence services as my sister-in-law is unfortunately higher up in those considering she volunteers there and I have a feeling if I did show up there, they would know in a heartbeat. I can't look for apartments until I get the update from my work, but either or i'm still gonna be leaving the state. The day before I do I will be changing my number carrier and wiping my laptop and all of his electronics before I do.
I've met with 2 lawyers so far and had them look over the paperwork. My husband had prepared and both said that it did it have some clauses in it. That could have caused me some trouble down the line. What alarmed all of us close the fact that several of those clauses dealt with future children, and not as a hypothetical. Like several hair suggested I have a feeling he fully intended on getting me pregnant to keep me trapped and tied to him.
There are 3 other locations. My job could send me to and I have. As a precaution Begun looking into all 3 cities and housing in the areas. Just in case one of those, this is the one they send me to. Even if they don't have an opening that they can push me into then I will just have to quit, move and figure things out on my own. I have enough money to live and survive for a few months until I can pick up another job.
Unfortunately all of our friends are mutuals and would likely be unaware of the consequences of saying or sharing anything I do or say with my husband. I don't have any surviving close family and obviously my in laws are not a good resource to rely on. I am on my own unfortunately, other than the wonderful bonds, i've begun to make here. I will update again if I get more information or something else happens. Otherwise all update when my work gets back to me. I do plan on leaving before he returns, though. Just to make sure that i'm not anywhere near here at that time.
Update 2 Apr 30, 2024
Good news! My work has an opening I qualify for that will not only shift me across the country, but also comes with a salary increase as well. I've started telling my in laws and friends that I'm planning a surprise outing for when my husband gets back for just the two of us. This way, people don't give me odd looks if they see me out and about. I've even gone as far as asking MIL to show me his favorite recipes.
Meanwhile, I've found a moving company that while small is willing to work in a storm. The reason is in five days, we're supposed to get hit with a large storm front. I plan to shut off the breaker and say we lost power if he asks just as several people here suggested and even send him a short clip of the storm.
I will have all of my stuff moved that afternoon, and I will be flying out once the weather has cleared enough to do so. I have a lawyer who will push my divorce through, and I've filled out the necessary paperwork so that I don't have to be here for it. I'm not suing for assets or alimony and I've shredded his divorce papers as well. I've set up a cheap payphone plan through cricket until this is all said and done at which point I will find a new carrier, number and phone. This one is being wiped and left behind.
My laptop is provided by my work, and the IT department inspected it thoroughly and it was clean thankfully. No other electronic aside from my laptop and new phone will be coming with me. If alex needs to talk to me, he can do it through my lawyer. Not sure if anything else will happen, my fingers are crossed that he doesn't think anythings amiss until after I leave - and I'm not turning the breaker back on when I do. He can when he gets home. My work is covering the plane ticket, so that at least is one expense I don't have to finagle in.
Update 3 May 7, 2024
Update 3: I have 2 weeks to get away from my husband.
It's been a busy week, but I've gotten so much done. Firstly, I am now out of the house and am currently in a hotel while I look for an apartment. It's a big city, bustling with people no matter where you look. We had a pretty bad storm system hit back home, that actually lasted two days. High winds, thunder, lightning and even hail everywhere. I didn't take much from the house, my documents, clothes and important sentimental items. I left all of the furniture and electronics behind. I cleaned the house top to bottom and took pictures on my phone so he couldn't claim I damaged anything when I left.
My lawyer has already started divorce proceedings, and my husband will be served on the 8th. His plane is due to land early morning, and the sheriff will be there at the house waiting for him. He is very much about public appearances and reputation. My lawyer will be calling him as well to inform him that I am more than willing to air out everything to the public about his actions if it means securing my freedom from him. I will go to court as long as I must to get this pushed through.
I haven't told our friends or his in-laws yet, I will do that while he is on the flight to prevent him from getting wind of it before he's handed the divorce papers. I will be calling around and explaining why we're getting divorced, to try and prevent him from twisting this into somehow being my fault. I don't want him trying to claim I had an affair or something so I want to get the truth out before he can twist this.
I'm... doing okay. I'm tired, but yet I feel almost jittery and off-kilter. I keep looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I say even when I don't really need to anymore. Hopefully that will fade soon. My work is covering the cost of the hotel, and I'm working on getting my other things in order. I also need to find a new GP as I want to get a full test just to make sure everything is okay. I don't know when my next update will be, probably when the divorce papers are filed or if we have to go to court to push them through. I will try to keep my head up, but it feels like I'm in a whirlwind or something with so many things to do and think about. I kinda thought it would be easier once I got out of the house but while the fear is smaller, somehow the number of tasks only seems to have grown.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/justathrowaway282641
Originally posted to TwoHotTakes + her own page
Previous BoRU #1, BoRU #2, BoRU #3, BoRU #4, BoRU #5, BoRU 6
Editor’s Note: removed all relevant comments from older posts to make space for new updates. To see all older relevant comments, check out the previous BoRUs above
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: My family forgot to invite me to my grandparents funeral, but they are convinced I was there.
Trigger Warnings: death of loved ones, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, harassment
RECAP
Original Post: November 14, 2023**
I’m 30s F and caused a major blowup in my family and now none of them are talking to me. For background, my hometown is tiny (500pop) and when I went 2 hrs away to “the city” (15,000pop) for college, I loved it. I ended up staying after graduation, got married, and am happy here for a decade. I visit my home town every few weeks or so, call/text my family near daily, and thought we were all good. My family’s pretty small. Just my brother, mom, step dad, dad, step mom, and an aunt and uncle (mom’s siblings, never married, no kids). My mother's grandparents moved to my home town when I was in high school and were just down the street from us. My family has always been pretty drama free (aside from my parent’s divorce when I was a kid) and we’ve been happy. The step-parents were blended in perfectly and we share holidays and celebrations together. We’re all super close and just the perfect little group.
Ever since I moved away, the topic of “when am I moving back?” is constant, and I’ve always laughed it off. My home town has nothing. You have to drive 30 minutes for milk and bread. 60-90 minute one-way commutes to work. And floods shut down the main road every Easter. I love the town, but I love here more. I have parks, stores, community events, a library! The “city” is great. My family grumbles that I need to move back, but I refuse. I've been trying to encourage them to come here, especially since it's not an hour drive to the nearest medical facility.
Now to the meat and potatoes: both my grandparents passed over COVID times. They were both old and their health had been failing for a while so it was only a matter of time. Thankfully they didn’t catch it, but it made visiting them impossible and we survived mostly through FaceTime. They both passed in their sleep months apart. Both were cremated and kept securely under the kitchen sink for safe keeping while the pandemic blew over. That was 2021.
Well, I just found out my family held a funeral for them and scattered the ashes in my uncle’s maple grove over the summer. No one said a word to me about it. I’ve visited numerous times before and after and not one word. I only found out because my great uncle from California posted on Facebook a few weeks ago that he is entering hospice and was so thankful his health stayed strong enough for him to see his little sister (my grandma) to her final resting place. I was confused and called my mom. She was all “Yeah, the funeral we had in July, remember?” Ya’ll, I visited them for the 4th of July. They did the funeral the 8th. Not a word about it to me. They had planned this for months. Long enough to arrange for my infirm great uncle to be brought over from the other side of the country. Apparently, they talked about it “all the time”.
Everyone is convinced I was at the funeral. They SWEAR I was there. I can prove I wasn’t because Google’s got my location history. My hubby is baffled because he was supposedly there, too, but he had to work every weekend in June and July. Time clock doesn’t lie. My family straight up forgot about me. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And they’re pissed at me “for lying”. They think I’m causing drama over nothing. Nothing I say can convince them I wasn’t there. My family is united in this. And they’ve all put me “on read” until I admit I’m wrong. They think I’ve gone nuts. Either there’s a doppelganger of me attending events, or my family doesn’t want to admit they screwed up. I’m not backing down.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and my family’s been vague posting on Facebook about “forgetful kids” and mental health. It’s so freaking weird and I don’t know if I’m in bizzaro world or what’s going on. My mom’s best friend reached out and said I should just admit I was wrong and apologize, that I’m causing my mom so much unnecessary stress. I asked her if she’s checked everyone’s home for CO2. She hung up on me. (We checked our CO2, and our testers are running just fine.) I have reached out to a few people in my home town to check in on my folks, and they all say they're fine. I even spoke with the local volunteer fire fighter group to see if they could check for gas leaks. Not sure if they were able to.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown them the proof I wasn’t there, but they know I’m tech savvy and just assume I’ve Photoshopped it. Hubby says we need a break, and we’re going to be staying home this holiday season.
Edit: I don't know the update rules, so I'll post updates to my profile should anyone want them.  
Update #1: November 27, 2023
Not sure how to do updates on posts, so figured I'd post anything on my profile. Folks have private messaged me and this will be easier I think?
It's 11/27 and Thanksgiving just happened. Hubby and I stayed home. We got a small turkey and made our own little thanksgiving. It was nice. We ate around noon, then watched a movie, and later sat outside with a bottle of wine to watch the sun set behind the trees and neighbor houses.
We usually take the day before off, drive to my folks, stay the night, and help with the Thanksgiving Day cooking. So it wasn't until Wednesday night that my mom broke the silence. Mom called and asked when I was showing up, and I told her we were staying home this year, but for them to have a happy Thanksgiving, and to give the rest of the family my love. She was quiet for a long time after I said that, and I think she eventually mumbled an "okay", or something, and hung up. It wasn't an angry hang up. Just a hang up. On Thanksgiving day, I sent a group "Happy Thanksgiving!" gif to our family group chat. I received a few "happy Thanksgiving"'s back. No one's said anything else. There's been no posts on Facebook.  
Update #2: December 12, 2023
So, I think I mentioned in one of my comments that my dad and I usually talk on the phone every Sunday morning. We're both early risers so we'd chat over our morning coffees and watch the sunrise. Him and I haven't really spoken since this all went down and it's been tough. I'm used to talking to him, you know?
Well, I was sitting outside in my usual spot, watching the sun rise and freezing my butt off, and he called me. I'm not entirely sure how to describe the emotions I felt. It was a mix of panic, hope, terror, happiness, and dread. I ended up answering because I just had to know what he wanted. It was an awkward conversation. He didn't address the current "drama", but instead tiptoed around the situation with all the grace of an cow on stilts. For instance, a simple "How are you doing?" Type question was answered with a "Not good." And the whole conversation would stall out for a bit because he knew why I wasn't doing well. So we ended up talking about the weather, the various winter birds we'd seen in our feeders, and the Christmas decorations around town. Things like that.
Eventually he asked if we were coming out for Christmas, and sounded sad when I told him we weren't. He asked if him and step mom could come visit us instead, and I told him it wasn't a good idea this year. That hubby and I were going to spend a quiet holiday together. I let him know he should be receiving some gifts at his PO Box any day now, so to please pick them up from the post office and put them under the family tree for everyone. He said he'd ship ours to us as well.
And that was pretty much it. No crazy drama to report. The only posts on Facebook have been the usual Christmas excitement ones, countdowns, photos of Santa, silly gift ideas, photos of company Christmas parties.
On a personal note: Hubby and I are doing alright. Our health is good, our spirits high, and we're as solid as ever. We each got Christmas bonus' at our jobs, so we're excited about that. They're not large, but we're happy to have them. We have also done advent calendars for the first time ever. I got him a Lego one, and he got me a hot chocolate one. We're going to do the calendars again next year. Maybe make a tradition out of it.
Everyone please have a safe and happy holidays.  
Inheritance: December 16, 2023
I've received a lot - A LOT - of messages and private DMs urging me to check into inheritance and such. I'm really touched a lot of Internet strangers are worried about me and I wanted to ensure everyone that inheritance is most likely not an issue here. I'd almost be relieved if it was, because then it would at least make some sense. Money does weird things to people, you know?
No one in my family is wealthy by any means. After my grandparents' passed, their small estate was used to pay for their end of life expenses and remaining assets split up. Everyone directly related got an equal split (so excluded my dad and the step parents). I don't remember the exact amount I received, but it was around $5k if I recall. My brother gave me his share, too, so I could finish paying off my college debt while the interest freeze was active.
The great uncle from California has kids and grand kids, and great grandkids of his own, and also isn't wealthy. I think one of his kids makes good money doing something in finance, but I'm not entirely sure. I can't imagine he left us anything, as we hardly knew him. My mom, aunt, and uncle only met him a few times in their lives, and my brother and I even less. Grandma and him were close, but I don't think he liked my grandpa much.  
Christmas: December 25, 2023
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I've received a lot of support through my posts and I'm really grateful. Writing these updates have had a therapeutic effect.
Yesterday was Sunday, but I didn't answer my dad when he called. I just really didn't feel up to a pointless chat, so let it go to voicemail. He tried to reach me a few times throughout the day, but I didn't answer.
Our bestie last minute invited us over to his house for Christmas day lunch (today), so husband and I were busy all Christmas Eve making cookies, peanut brittle, and homemade suckers/hard candies for his kids. Mom tried to reach out as well, but I also ignored her calls.
We had a BLAST at lunch! Our friend's kids are a lot of fun to be around. They got some techy presents from their grandparents (Quest vr headset and steam decks, lucky little rascals) Friend and his wife aren't good with tech, while hubby and I are, so we helped get them set up while our friend played a good host to his folks and inlaws. The grandparents didn't realize that a Steam deck required a Steam account, so we got the kids all their own accounts set up, added them to our steam friends lists, and gifted them some games. We also bought them a few VR games for their headset, and they were off to the races with Beat Saber in no time.
As for my folks: My brother texted and asked if we could talk sometime tomorrow. I think me ignoring mom and dad has caused some kind of upset. Which they deserve.  
Brother’s call: December 26, 2023
Spoke with my brother over the phone this morning.
For starters, he apologized for everything. Him and I are good (for now). For a bit of background, my brother and I are only 2 years apart. There weren't a lot of kids around growing up, so the two of us were often stuck doing stuff together. So we have a lot of shared interests and passions. He's been pretty silent on this whole matter, but still "part of the group", if you know what I mean. I think the thought of losing him out of my life was probably the most painful, because he's always been there. He was my rock until I met my husband. He's definitely a Mama's boy, though, so anything mom wanted, he made sure she got. I'm happy to have him back.
Without further ado, here's the story from the horse's mouth:
Mom apparently had a cancer scare late last year (which no one told me about, go figure), and dad had a stint put in his heart back in January (which I did know about). This "sense of mortality" has apparently lit a fire under Mom's ass to get me back home. But since I wasn't reacting to her passive aggressive hinting, she and step mom decided to go full crazy. My great uncle's health was bad, and he'd been asking about funeral arrangements for his sister (my grandma) for a while, so the moms decided to plan it. And use the event as a giant middle finger to me. They kept all the planning pretty hush-hush between the two of them, so no one on our side of the family actually knew about the funeral until like 2 weeks before. The moms said they'd invited hubby and I. No one thought anything about it. No one thought to mention, confirm, or check with me.
The plan was to scatter the ashes, say a few words, and maybe head to town for lunch. It was a small affair. The mom's didn't even tell the family that our great uncle was coming for it. Like I said, it was a small thing. Barely a footnote. No one thought it was odd because we're pretty chill people.
4th of July happens. Hubby and I are out. No one thought to mention it, as we were all busy celebrating and having a great time. Any time the topic of "this weekend" would start, the conversation would be quickly shifted by one of the moms. We went back home.
8th of July happens. Great uncle rolls into town with a few of his kids, grandkids, and great grandkids, and it's a surprise to everyone (but the moms). Everyone drives to the maple grove and the moms have brought a ton of food and stuff. It's a full blown party. No one on my side noticed I wasn't there, because there were so many extra faces outside the usual group. They did the spreading of the ashes, they said their words, they ate, they had a great time. It wasn't until our great uncle left, and all his side left with him, that they realized I wasn't there. And hadn't been there.
And this is where the crazy went up a notch. My brother says the moms were happy no one noticed I wasn't there. And that this was proof to everyone that I needed to move back because I was so easily forgotten about. Because none of them thought to reach out, right? They basically did a ton of guilt tripping manipulation bullshit and it made everyone upset at me for not showing up. Somehow it was my fault for being excluded. So suddenly everyone was on their side with "sticking it to me".
But then a few months went by, and tempers cooled, and then I guess the horror of it set in. Followed by the shame, but by then they were "in too deep". How do you undo something like this? And since I hadn't brought it up, I guess they figured they would all just stay quiet about it and hope I never asked about a funeral.
That's when I discovered the situation from my great uncle's Facebook and called my mom, who panicked and went with the stupidest solution. Claiming I was there. Don't I remember?
I ended up talking with a few friends from high school, mentioning the situation, and word got back to those in town. So suddenly town gossip and little old church ladies got involved. Was I, or wasn't I at the funeral? Did my family forget to invite me to the funeral of the only grandparents I'd ever know? Or am I just causing a ruckus? My brother said they all just went with mom's answer. Of course they wouldn't forget me. Of course I was there. Of course they're good people. And it just snowballed.
The family expected me to eventually fold. I'm usually a nonconfrontational person, so me sticking to my guns was unexpected. And then I missed Thanksgiving. And now Christmas. With no sign of backing down. And I guess the realization that I could just stop being part of their lives is setting in and my parents are panicking. He's tried just getting them to apologize and explain, but stubbornness prevails. They want to rug sweep, but I'm not letting them.
My brother is upset with everything that's happened. He's realized just how crappy it all has been and he wants nothing to do with it anymore. But since he lives with my mom, he can't "get away from it".
He has asked if he can come stay with us for a little bit. I spoke with hubby, and he's in agreement with me that my brother can come crash in our spare bedroom for as long as he wants. Brother works remotely, so it's no trouble for him to pick up and go. I believe he's making the trip today or tomorrow. Not entirely sure, but I expect crap to hit the fan when he arrives.
On a side note, hubby's stoked that my brother and I made up. The two usually game together, but haven't due to "the situation". He's downstairs right now setting up his man cave in preparation for my brother's arrival. I'm happy to see him so excited.  
Brother's Here: December 27, 2023
My brother rolled in late last night. He'd obviously been crying and when I opened the door, he just held me and sobbed. I'd never seen him like that before and soon both of us were just standing in the doorway crying into one another. He kept apologizing. Over and over again. Said he wasn't sure why he went with it. Just kept saying sorry. Hubby got him all set up in the spare bedroom while brother and I talked. My brother's a wreck. He's always been a big guy, but he's lost a lot of weight and his clothes just hang off him. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was on drugs. We talked for a little bit before bed and he re-explained everything for my husband. I'd told hubby the story, but it was just so weird that hearing it again helped.
This morning my brother was up at dawn making some coffee and getting his work day going. Hubby's off all week (lucky) so hubby made us working folk some pancakes and bacon. So far everything's peaceful. We've decided not to answer any calls from our family. They've been made aware that he arrived safely, and that we are going to spend the New Years together, and that we're not answering any calls until January 1st. They may text if they wish. I'm sure they're losing their minds. Serves them right.
Everyone, have a safe and happy new years! Don't drink and drive!  
Happy 2024!: January 2, 2024
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable holidays, and may the new year be full of joy and happiness!
Not too much of an update. Things here have been quiet. My brother's settled in nicely and he's a great housemate. Our place isn't very big, but we have full basement and a nice outside patio/porch area so it doesn't feel crowded at all with the extra addition. He's a quiet and clean guy. No hassle at all. He got some fresh clothes from the Walmart, a haircut, and trimmed his beard, so he's more "presentable" now. He's a lady killer when he gets cleaned up. He's made nice with the (very nosy, but kind) retired couple next door and is adapting to "city living" nicely.
Folks back home have been mostly well behaved. There's been a few texts back and forth, as we're not answering calls. Mom mainly wants to know when brother's coming back, but he's keen on staying here for a while. Mom said I can't "keep him" and I told her he's a grown ass man and can do what he wants. Brother says he has her blocked after she ORDERED him to return home.
Brother has tentatively asked if he could stay long term, should he decide to, or at least longer than a usual visitor would stay. Which we're fine with. He has a good paying job and could afford an apartment, but he's never lived on his own and I would guess he has some anxiety about it. Should that be the case, he'll start paying us some rent and we'd probably adjust to give him the basement as his own space.  
Had to change the locks: January 17, 2024
My brother is officially staying with us for the long haul. Hubby and him spent all Sunday organizing the basement and shifting things around so he now has his own area to be comfortable in. He's pretty handy and has also started fixing little things around our house. Our windows and doors have never closed and locked/unlocked smoother. He even fixed one of the closets we never use because we can never get the darn door open. Sadly, he also had to change the locks on our house and get us all new keys.
This is because while hubby and I were out this Saturday, the moms showed up. They'd been calling and texting us all week, but we weren't really answering them, so I guess the two decided to drive over and hash it out in person. They have emergency keys to my place, and just let themselves in. Brother told them to leave, they argued, and my nosy (but kind) neighbors called the police when they noticed the commotion. So, we get a call from neighbor's wife, return home to some cops in our yard, all the neighbors out "vacuuming their trees", and my nosy (but kind) neighbors standing on my porch with my brother behind them, doing their best Gandalf "You shall not pass" impression.
Had to talk with the cops, explain that we were having a family dispute and word vomited. I don't really remember what all I said, and was shaking a lot. Our local cops are really great. Fantastic guys and gals in blue, and took it all in stride. It's really cold here, so one had me join him in his cruiser with the heat on, and gave me a bottle of water to calm down while we talked. They asked if we wanted the moms trespassed but I wasn't sure if that counted as a criminal charge so just asked the cops if they could just make them leave, which the cops did with no fuss. I think the moms were shocked we were taking this so seriously. They didn't fight or scream at us. Just left quietly.
My dad promised me he'd make sure his wife left us alone. "Or else". He said he'd also have a stern talk with my mom. Him and I talked Sunday morning, and he seemed absolutely at the end of his rope. Husband jokingly told my dad he could move in, too. To which he declined.
Not sure where to go from here, but we're getting some ring cameras installed once they arrive. And everyone but my dad is blocked. Hopefully they all just leave us alone.  
Nothing New To Report: February 2, 2024
Had a lot of DMs for updates, but don't have much anything to report on. The moms are behaving themselves. All's quiet on the western front. Felt weird ignoring or copy/pasting "no updates" to everyone, so here's what we've been doing, should anyone care.
Dad got a new bird/squirrel feeder from Amazon (looks like a little picnic table for a child's dolly but has a mesh top for the bird seed. I think it's supposed to be for chickens?) It's totes adorbs. To his horror, it also works as a Cooper hawk feeder, so now he's "fortifying his defenses" and putting up some trellises around it. He'll have to wait till warmer weather before planting anything to grow on them.
We had some ring cameras installed and put in a motion-activated camera that double functions as a light bulb. It goes in the light fixture outside the front door and is pretty cool. Video quality isn't all that great, but it's a nice addition I guess. It does overlook the bird feeders, so I've been watching it on my lunch breaks on the days I have to go into the office.
Hubby and brother are feuding. They started a coop farm in Stardew Valley a few days ago and they both want to romance Leah. My husband confided in me that he's also been romancing Sebastian as a backup. I'm not sure why he's keeping this a secret, but he's pretty smug about it.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
fractal_frog I hope your dad can outsmart the hawks!

OOP: He'll be able to, I just know it. He's used to dealing with the wildlife and having hawks about, but he just wasn't expecting one to snag a meal right from his new feeder.
I told him it was "technically" still a bird feeder. Just....for bigger birds. Which he thought was funny. He said he might make a little "no hawks allowed" sign to put up next to it.

MissOP: keep the updates coming. the moms are so close to folding it's just a little bit more. LMAO also, the bro mance between your husband and brother is so cute. lol Honestly, I think your husband making sure he has a side piece of Sebastian is absolutely the play.

OOP: So far still no word from the moms, but I hope you're right. I would love an apology and for us to begin moving past this. But I NEED that apology. I feel selfish saying that, but I refuse to "be the bigger person" on this. I just won't.
As for my brother and husband, yeah, they're basically soul mates. The two hit it off immediately when they first met, and they've been thick as thieves for years.  

Update: February 27, 2024
My dad came out for a visit over the weekend. We had a good time and the weather was lovely for some grilling and beers. It was really nice to see him again and he seemed healthy and in good spirits.
Here's his report from back home: Step mom (dad's wife) has started to realize she's screwed up. I credit her change of mindset to the fact that my dad sat her down and laid it out for her: she leaves his kids alone, or she's getting divorce papers. That apparently shut her up right quick, because they had a prenup done when they married and I'm not sure the details of it, but it wouldn't end favorably for her. She hasn't worked in years, so I imagine she'd be eligible for alimony? But I'm not versed in any of that legal mumbojumbo. Dad didn't seem too worried about it, so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Step dad was pissed the police were involved in the last "mom visit" (despite no one getting arrested or anything) and was in a "the kids are out of control and need to be reigned back in" mindset. When my dad pointed out that "the kids" in question were all in their mid-30s, it took some of the steam out of stepdad's sails. According to my dad, even my mom looked a little surprised when he said that. So, part of me is wondering if a good chunk of this whole thing is my mom not truly realizing that her kids were grown, and no longer children she could make demands of. Both of the moms have left us alone. I expected my mom to continue to kick up a fuss, but I think the cops spooked her.
There was a wonderful suggestion by a comment or to get their pastor involved, which I passed along to my dad. Dad has since spoken to their pastor about everything. He's a young guy, relatively new to their church, and joked that his first month on the job he had to do 3 funerals in a row and his new "flock" were just dying to get away from him, so he's got a sense of humor which is nice. The new pastor agreed to sit down with everyone and help the family hash it all out in a true "Come to Jesus" type moment next month, so that maybe we could celebrate Easter together as our first holiday as a family. Dad said the pastor was aware our family was having some troubles, but unsure of exactly what was going on, and since he was new, the pastor didn't want to pry. He has also agreed to do a small service down at my uncle's maple grove later in the summer, as it usually floods and is a muddy mess all spring. According to my dad, my aunt and uncle are so over all the drama and just ready to move on, so I expect hugs and apologies from them when we next meet.
Stardew Valley Update: My brother was victorious in the grand fight for Leah. It was a hard battle. Well fought. When my husband exposed his plans to woo Sebastian all this time, it was quite the betrayal. Dramatics aside, their farm is really cute and I'm so happy they're enjoying the game!  
Update 4/1 - Final one I think - April 1, 2024
Happy April Fools everyone! I hope you all check your caramel apples for stray onions before taking a bite! I also hope your Easter weekend was a delightful one.
It is with great joy that I tell you all about our most recent update! Possibly even a conclusion to this whole ordeal.
The entire family (aunt, uncle, moms, dads, brother, me, husband) and pastor met at my dad's house and we all sat down to hash the situation out. As expected from what my dad said, my aunt and uncle greeted us all with apologies and hugs, which was nice. My uncle usually helps host the Easter egg hunts with the church and he brought our Easter baskets to give to us in case us kids weren't sticking around the for the weekend. I'm not sure why but seeing it made me tear up and feel stupid, because it was just a basket of candy but it meant a lot to me for some reason.
The pastor led us in a prayer and talked about forgiveness and such. He then asked us all to talk one at a time about how we're feeling and what we want the end result of today to be. No one was allowed to interrupt so everyone got to talk. It was nice. The consensus for the group was that most everyone wanted things to go back to "normal". The only ones who had any variance off this was my mom and step dad. They both wanted all us kids to move back to the area.
The pastor asked them why they wanted us back, and neither could give a good reason other than "because family", and the pastor asked us if we were thriving where we were. And we said we were. He asked if we were happy there. Which we were. He then asked my mom and step dad if they wanted us to give up our happiness to make them happy.
And Mom broke down and said no. We all had a good cry. The pastor then asked about the funeral and lies that led up to it and followed it and how it made us all feel and what we wished we'd done differently if we had the chance. It was all very emotional, but in a good way, you know? Everyone apologized and admitted they f-ed up and did a really crappy thing.
We all talked for a long, long time and the pastor was a great mediator. Eventually we all reached some sort of resolution and I think we're good now. Emotions are still high and a little raw in areas, but we stayed for Easter weekend and had a nice time. We're going to keep moving forward slowly and try to repair the relationship, but I believe we're well and truly out of the woods.
As for my brother, he's still staying with us, and mom will stop trying to guilt trip him back home. He's thinking about renting a small apartment in our area but we're not pushing him to make a decision. He knows he's welcome to stay as long as he wants. I think he wants to try dating (he's had a few girlfriends but never anything serious) and is embarrassed to bring any girls around our place, lol. He's been going to a few random classes/bookclubs at the local library for something free to do and hitting it off with all the little old ladies who attend, and they keep trying to hook him up with girls his age who they know. He has been on a few lunches/coffee dates with a couple girls, but I think he's too embarrassed by the attention to give it a real try at "dating" any of them. He's happy, though, which is all I could ask for.
I'm not sure if there will be any more updates, as I think it's all be resolved about as much as it can be at the moment. I wanted to thank you all for your words of advice and giving me a place to vent and scream into the void. Please be kind to one another and to yourselves. Thank you.
Relevant Comments
emjkr: What a nice and hopeful update, I’m really glad you stuck to your guns when everyone threw sanity out the window!
But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?

OOP: I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).

mak_zaddy: This was a great update! But ummmmmm no stardew valley update? What gives? Has Sebastian been woo’ed? How’s Leah? What’s happening?

OOP: Sebastian has indeed been wooed (and whoohooed) There's kids and cows and chickens. The two are still having a wonderful time at the game. They're working on completing the community center but it's slow going as they aren't trying to speedrun and just doing things as they want. I believe they're thinking about going into the desert mines once they complete that bundle, but they're both super chicken shit about it!

-my-cabbages: I don't really understand what you had to apologize for ... but I'm glad you're happy and the situation seems to be settling down

OOP: There wasn't much of an apology on my end, as everyone agreed I had done nothing wrong. Mine was more of a "I'm sorry you didn't feel as though I would listen." Type apology, which I don't really believe is a proper apology because apologies like that push the blame back on another. I mostly expressed my feelings and the shock of it all, and how betrayed I felt.  

----NEW UPDATE----

Small, happy update: May 7, 2024 (1 month later)
Things as wonderful as the moment. Still doing baby steps with The Moms. We're texting and talking on the phones more, which is nice. Very civil.
Dad "accidentally" bought a bunch of hand crafted bird feeders at a craft fair. By accidentally, I mean: he had a little too much fun in the beer tent, went for a stroll while step mom wasn't looking, and stumbled upon a guy's booth and bought "one of each". He wouldn't tell me how MANY "one of each" was, but he cackled like a witch when I asked. Step mom said she's forcing him to give a few to me, so I'm expecting a delivery or a Dad-visit any day now.
My brother is officially "going steady" with a girl. We've met her a few times and she seems like a real sweetheart. She's our age and has a little boy (5-6 years old, I haven't asked) from a previous relationship (The dad's not in the picture from what I can gather). She's the granddaughter of one of his Book Club members, so the old ladies made good match makers in the end. The relationship is still very new and I'm routing for them.
No new Stardew Valley updates. Work has been a little crazy lately and I haven't been able to play much of anything, and brother has been distracted by his new lady friend. So, husband finally started Baldur's Gate 3, and fell for Gale's "magic trick" so now those two are a thing. I expect him to be sufficiently distracted from reality for the next few weeks.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I started a new job a few months ago that promised 30% commissions plus tips, job ad stating $250-500 per day.
I’ve was a groomer for a very long time. I did take a break for about 7 years, but I had 10 years under my belt. Vet care experience, as well, so a combined 15 years of experience handling & grooming animals.
This seemed too good to be true based on my experience, but it was mobile, and I’ve heard that it pays very well. I also researched mobile positions in this area after I saw that ad, and they all seemed to promise about the same, so I thought - why not?
I live about an hour away from the “office,” but my plan was that if it worked out, I would move closer. The area she lives in, where the van is parked, is a bit more expensive than where I am, but if I was really making that kind of money, it’d be worth sticking it out for a few months, driving two hours to and from work, and getting home extremely late to my kids until we could move over the summer. She was aware of this plan, I was very vocal about my intentions.
At first, it was wonderful and I was making exactly that. She only has one van, but I was getting 4-5 dogs a day on average, with a few 6 dog days in there. Great tips. 30% of paid services. She told me 30% went to her, and 40% to the business.
Then one day she sent me a text with an “oops! 🫣” and said she’d accidentally been overpaying me. She was supposed to be taking out some other business expenses before calculating my commissions. This would essentially remove about 10% of that commission (though she still considered it 30%).
Now I know that most mobile groomers charge a mobile fee to cover cost, but I’m pretty sure it’s not 10% of services rendered. I stuck around because I really liked the job, but it didn’t sit well.
I saw a pretty drastic decrease in pay.
I understand her position. I truly do. But it doesn’t make sense for me to continue to work there if it’s no longer a viable option for me to move closer due to not enough pay. The new pay is something I could make in a local salon weekly working normal hours instead of all the extra driving hours, etc.
So I brought this up to her today. And I hadn’t made my mind up yet what I wanted to do. But she said a couple things that really upset me.
“I went out on a limb to hire you knowing you lived far away.” “What do you expect me to pay, 100K a year?” She also mentioned potentially increasing my commissions again, but not to where they were initially.
So…like…I feel like I’m a pretty experienced groomer with a lot to bring to a company. She graduated her grooming course at the end of last year and bought a van, so I’ve got a bit under my belt to add to a company. Her clients rebooked me like crazy, and I heard, “they’ve never looked so good” on a very regular basis. It was nice to hear that and know I’d retained my skills.
So to feel like suddenly I’m a charity case instead of an experienced groomer who has been waking up at 5:30 every morning to get my kids off and get to her place by 7:30 and work 10-12 hour days, help grow her business, really upset me. I’ve been busting my ass for this person to help her create a lifestyle. I don’t want to work for someone who views me like that.
As for the 100K, that was never an expectation. However, she boasted about being able to make that kind of money with her company, and that’s where my initial pay was leading and would allow me to move closer so I could have a better work life balance. She also promised $250-500 per day in her job ad. And I signed a 30% commission contact.
As for the increased commissions, I think the first two statements soured me. She’d also already decreased my pay once, and I don’t want to work somewhere that I can’t trust to be stable.
So I quit. After those statements, I decided I would definitely quit, and I can find a local salon to work at where I may never make the kind of money she promised, but at least I’ll be close to my kids and not working insane hours.
But now I feel terrible. I feel like I’ve abandoned her. I know it was my choice to try this out. I did not put in a two week notice because the schedule is so intense, I won’t have time to look for another job while working the last two weeks. I feel like my time would be better served going door to door at salons and getting my completely neglected home back in order.
If I have to go back to remote corporate work to make the kind of money I need to survive and care for my kids, I will. But I truly do love grooming, and I really wanted this to work.
Am I in the wrong? Did I expect too much? I just can’t rest with this.

Delivery had alcohol. Customer was older than dirt with an expired passport for ID. Of course I had issues initially scanning the passport before I knew it was expired so I sat the box of alcohol down on the ground…
Lady grabbed a bottle of vodka and went running into her house saying “it’s mine I paid for it you creep!” While slamming the door on me… now remember this lady is old as dirt… the whole time im considering and discarding action options, mainly because I don’t want to be the spark driver accused of assaulting an old lady in her home over alcohol.
Contacted Spark support who closed the ordered as delivered but I still had a bottle of vodka and 2 bottles of rum in my hands… but no return order.
I don’t drink so I took it back to Walmart customer service and left it with a Lead who has been working there since I started shopping at the Walmart almost 15 years ago.

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Selling my personal collection. Over 800 Games. Sorry my bad english. Paypal ff. Free Shipping over $100. Sorry i know this list will hurt eyes. I don't have a computer to edit it well. More photos at request. Offers are welcome. Most of these Prices are based on Pricharting (sorry im lazy to put my prices for these 800 games) i would like to sell this has a lot but im from Puerto Rico so thats likely impossible.
https://imgur.com/a/ntp4d6Q
Nintendo Switch
13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim CIB+ 32.92 1971 Project Helios New 15.41 Boy and His Blob New 50.49 Little Golf Journey New 29.62 Robot Named Fight [Premium Edition] New 50.5 Adventure Time: Pirates of the Enchiridion New 25.68 AeternoBlade II New 35.5 Afterparty New 38 Aggelos New 38.22 AI: The Somnium Files CIB+ 60.5 AI: The Somnium Files CIB+ 60.5 AI: The Somnium Files - nirvanA Initiative CIB+ 40 Alex Kidd in Miracle World DX New 18.98 Alwa's Collection New 25.62 American Hero New 40.49 Ancestors Legacy New 24.07 Annapurna Interactive [Deluxe Limited Edition Collection] New 372.64 ANNO: Mutationem [Limited Run] New 69.5 Ape Out [Special Reserve] New 49.13 Ara Fell & Rise of the Third Power New 57.24 Arcade Spirits New 20 Archvale New 51.25 ARMS CIB+ 30.5 Ary and the Secret of Seasons New 12.52 Arzette: The Jewel of Faramore New 74.23 Assassin's Creed: The Rebel Collection CIB+ 17.48 Astalon: Tears of the Earth New 50.63 Astral Chain New 48.99 Astronite New 19.48 Atelier Ryza 2: Lost Legends & the Secret Fairy New 86.98 Atelier Ryza: Ever Darkness and the Secret Hideout CIB+ 49.5 Atelier Ryza: Ever Darkness and the Secret Hideout New 60.1 Attack on Titan 2: Final Battle New 74.23 Axiom Verge 1 & 2 Double Pack New 74.5 Azure Striker Gunvolt 3 New 48.5 Azure Striker Gunvolt: Striker Pack CIB+ 25.79 Balan Wonderworld New 11.77 Baldur's Gate and Baldur's Gate II: Enhanced Editions New 140.05 Battle Chef Brigade Deluxe CIB+ 32.61 Battle Princess Madelyn: Royal Edition New 52.88 Bayonetta New 40.76 Bayonetta 2 CIB+ 35.5 Bayonetta 3 New 34.67 Bayonetta Origins: Cereza and the Lost Demon New 32.5 Black Bird New 55.5 Blade Runner: Enhanced Edition New 48.72 Blasphemous CIB+ 108.49 Blaster Master Zero New 44.14 Blaster Master Zero II New 40.49 Blaster Master Zero III New 34.5 Blazing Beaks New 30.02 Blazing Chrome CIB+ 65.92 Bloodrayne 1 & 2: Revamped Dual Pack w/ Slipcover New 100.47 BloodRayne Betrayal: Fresh Bites New 40.49 Bloodstained: Curse Of The Moon 2 New 28.49 Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night New 21.23 Blossom Tales II: The Minotaur Prince New 46.48 Blossom Tales: The Sleeping King CIB+ 150.47 Blue Fire CIB+ 28.49 Blue Reflection: Second Light New 59.83 Bomb Chicken CIB+ 38.14 Bravely Default II New 29.4 BROFORCE [SWITCH RESERVE] New 53.82 Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling New 55.93 Bugsnax CIB+ 30.77 Burnout Paradise Remastered CIB+ 14.98 BUTCHER New 36.9 Cannon Dancer: Osman New 54 Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker CIB+ 30.49 Captain Tsubasa: Rise of New Champions New 26.09 Card Shark Collector's Edition New 47.5 Carrion: Special Reserve Edition New 50.6 Castlevania Anniversary Collection New 50.49 Cat Girl Without Salad: Amuse-Bouche New 40.97 Cat Quest + Cat Quest II: Pawsome Pack New 49.5 Cathedral New 66.91 Cave Story+ CIB+ 34.49 Celeste New 62.39 Chicken Police - Paint it RED! CIB+ 13.25 Children of Morta CIB+ 22.09 Children of Zodiarcs New 44.77 Citizens Unite! Earth X Space New 29.49 Coffee Talk New 42.15 COGEN: Sword of Rewind & Gunvolt Chronicles: Luminous Avenger iX 2 Double Pack New 80.48 Collar X Malice New 30.49 Collection of Mana New 25.5 Contra Anniversary Collection New 41.45 Contra Anniversary Collection New 41.45 Cooking Mama: Cookstar New 36.11 Corpse Killer: 25th Anniversary Edition New 42.7 Cosmo Dreamer & Like Dreamer: Double-D Collection New 25.00 Cris Tales New 13.99 Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII Reunion CIB+ 29 CrossCode New 52.99 Crossing Souls - Special Reserve New 40.00 Cruis'n Blast New 20.48 Crystal Crisis New 31.52 Cthulhu Saves Christmas New 45.17 Cult of the Lamb [Special Reserve] New 72.48 Dandara: Trials of Fear Edition CIB+ 41.29 Dark Devotion New 45.49 Darksiders Genesis CIB+ 18 Darkwood CIB+ 108.46 DARQ: Complete Edition New 38.97 Dawn of the Monsters New 50.36 Dead Cells: Return to Castlevania Edition New 32.01 Dead or School New 52.03 Deadly Premonition 2: A Blessing in Disguise CIB+ 16.77 Deadly Premonition Origins New 38.03 Death end re;Quest New 41.97 Death Road to Canada New 40 Death's Door [Special Reserve] New 33.03 Death's Gambit: Afterlife New 38.72 Demon Throttle [Reserve Edition] New 25.25 Demon Throttle [Reserve Edition] New 25.25 Demon Turf New 40.82 Demon's Tilt New 44.5 Deponia Collection New 83.14 Dex New 48.38 Diablo III: Eternal Collection New 25.77 Digimon Survive New 20.95 Dimension Drive [Limited Edition] New 65.48 Disaster Report 4: Summer Memories CIB+ 25.5 DISC ROOM [SWITCH RESERVE] New 38.69 Disgaea 5 Complete New 39.5 Disney Classic Games: Aladdin and the Lion King New 18.29 Disney Tsum Tsum Festival New 26.55 DISTRAINT Collection New 33.76 Divinity: Original Sin II - Definitive Edition New 180.49 Dodgeball Academia New 19.5 DoDonPachi Resurrection New 55.38 Doki Doki Literature Club Plus! New 30.49 Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze CIB+ 32.97 DOOM CIB+ 28.9 Doom 64 New 45.45 DOOM Eternal New 89 DOOM: The Classics Collection New 50.5 Double Dragon & Kunio-Kun Retro Brawler Bundle New 52.83 Double Dragon IV New 33.97 Double Dragon: Neon New 50.49 Downwell [Special Reserve Edition] New 75 Double Switch: 25th Anniversary Edition New 55.89 Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot + A New Power Awakens Set New 30.8 Dragon Quest Treasures New 29.53 Dragon Quest XI S: Echoes of an Elusive Age - Definitive Edition New 46.97 Dragon Star Varnir New 45.49 Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen CIB+ 24.74 Dragon's Lair Trilogy New 144.25 DRAINUS New 63.39 Dreamscaper New 44.72 Dusk New 44.49 Eastward CIB+ 20.3 Eldest Souls New 45.5 Elliot Quest New 28.48 Enclave HD New 52.67 Ender Lilies: Quietus of the Knights New 63.97 Endling - Extinction is Forever New 25.76 Epic Chef New 15.57 Espgaluda II New 60.27 Fairy Fencer F: Advent Dark Force New 48.41 FAR: Lone Sails New 49.69 Fast RMX New 71.73 Fatal Twelve New 44.49 Fault Milestone One New 28.49 Fight'N Rage New 45.49 FINAL FANTASY VII & VIII REMASTERED TWIN PACK CIB+ 37.63 Final Fantasy X / X-2 HD Remaster New 51.33 Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age New 31.61 Fire Emblem Engage New 35.07 Fire Emblem Warriors: Three Hopes New 20.17 Fire Emblem: Three Houses New 45.45 Flinthook New 45.49 Flipping Death CIB+ 28.39 Foretales New 19.29 Forgotton Anne CIB+ 35.49 Fran Bow New 111.48 Freedom Finger CIB+ 77.4 Freedom Planet New 57.39 Furi CIB+ 48.64 Gal Metal: World Tour Edition CIB+ 17.69 Garden Story New 46.5 Gato Roboto [Special Reserve Edition] New 55.49 Ghost 1.0 + Unepic Collection: Standard Edition New 80.5 Ghost of a Tale New 66.61 Going Under New 37.47 Golf Story New 82.75 Gotta Protectors: Cart of Darkness New 45.35 Grandia HD Collection New 82.51 GrimGrimoire OnceMore [Deluxe Edition] New 42.33 GRIS [Limited Special Reserve] CIB+ 85.25 Guacamelee! One-Two Punch Collection CIB+ 87.57 Gunbrick: Reloaded New 24.68 Gunlord X New 107.79 Guns, Gore & Cannoli 1 & 2 New 105.28 Gunvolt Chronicles: Luminous Avenger iX New 84.5 Gyakuten Saiban 123: Naruhodo Selection New 41.49 Hades New 39.19 Haven New 45.49 Heaven's Vault New 32.15 Hero Must Die. Again New 56.5 Heroland Knowble Edition New 18.63 Hollow Knight CIB+ 31.5 Horgihugh and Friends New 28.18 Hot Wheels Unleashed New 22.03 Hotline Miami Collection [Special Reserve] New 54.36 Hyper Light Drifter [Special Edition] New 72.29 Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition CIB+ 49.69 Ib New 55.46 Ikenfell New 42.56 Immortals Fenyx Rising New 15.22 In Sound Mind: Deluxe Edition New 21.81 Indivisible New 19.41 Infernax New 50.5 Inscryption [Special Reserve] New 283.5 Ion Fury New 35.35 ITTA CIB+ 45.74 ITTA [Steelbook Edition] New 65.84 Ittle Dew 2+ New 43.45 Jamestown+ New 50.98 Joe Dever's Lone Wolf New 65.54 Katamari Damacy REROLL New 23.45 Katanakami New 42.3 Kaze and the Wild Masks New 32.44 KeyWe New 25.49 Killer Queen Black New 16.13 King's Bounty II New 17.85 Kingdom Hearts: Melody of Memory New 20.59 Kingdoms of Amalur: Re-Reckoning CIB+ 19.98 Kirby and the Forgotten Land CIB+ 37.97 Knights and Bikes New 45.49 Kotodama: The 7 Mysteries of Fujisawa New 19.45 KUNAI New 40.5 L.A. Noire CIB+ 29.99 Lair of the Clockwork God New 39.13 Layers of Fear: Legacy New 147.86 LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga New 20.48 Little Nightmares II CIB+ 20.75 Live A Live CIB+ 26.42 Lonely Mountains: Downhill SRG#46 New 86.79 Loop Hero CIB+ 35.47 Loop Hero [Collectors Edition] New 80.75 Love Esquire [Limited Edition] New 90.5 LoveKami Trilogy New 45.87 Luigi's Mansion 3 CIB+ 33.25 Lumines Remastered New 32.5 LUNARK New 49.52 Mario + Rabbids Sparks of Hope CIB+ 15.42 Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle CIB+ 12.5 Mario Kart 8 Deluxe New 38.35 Mario Party: Superstars CIB+ 39.5 Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order New 41.5 Mary Skelter 2 New 45.49 Mary Skelter: Finale New 49.39 Mato Anomalies New 19.73 Mega Man 11 New 20.48 Mega Man Zero/ZX Legacy Collection CIB+ 24.5 Megadimension Neptunia VII New 45.5 Metroid Dread CIB+ 35.34 Metroid Prime Remastered New 34.34 Mighty Gunvolt Burst New 44.45 Mighty Switch Force! Collection CIB+ 45.49 Ministry of Broadcast New 26.72 Minoria New 50.47 Miracle Snack Shop [Limited Edition] New 35.00 Moero Chronicle Hyper New 90.35 Moero Crystal H New 50.77 Momodora: Reverie Under the Moonlight New 71.68 MONARK Deluxe Edition New 37 Monster Boy and the Cursed Kingdom New 78.59 Monster Hunter Generations Ultimate New 42.69 Monster Hunter Rise CIB+ 15.49 Monster Hunter Stories 2: Wings of Ruin New 31.49 Monster Sanctuary New 58.46 Monstrum New 38.5 Mother Russia Bleeds [Special Reserve] New 59.25 Mother Russia Bleeds [Special Reserve] New 59.25 Ms. Splosion Man CIB+ 31.98 Mulaka New 60.00 Murder By Numbers Collectors Edition New 80.36 Mushihimesama New 60.7 My Friend Pedro [Special Reserve Edition] New 79.7 Narita Boy New 45.55 NEO: The World Ends With You CIB+ 20.5 NeoGeo Pocket Color Selection Vol. 1 New 43.06 Neon Abyss New 42.38 Neversong & Pinstripe CIB+ 37.5 New Pokémon Snap CIB+ 31.81 New Super Lucky's Tale New 33.59 New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe New 39.5 Ni no Kuni II: Revenant Kingdom - Prince's Edition New 18.14 Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch New 26.5 NieR: Automata - The End of YoRHa Edition New 39.5 Night in the Woods New 59.92 Night Trap: 25th Anniversary Edition New 56.06 Ninja Gaiden: Master Collection New 50.42 No Man's Sky CIB+ 26.25 No More Heroes CIB+ 40.5 No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle CIB+ 35.92 No More Heroes III CIB+ 15.5 Ocean's Heart New 53.33 Octahedron New 45.43 Octopath Traveler New 52.43 Octopath Traveler II New 39.99 Oddworld - Collection New 36.25 à Œkami HD New 32.99 One Step From Eden New 34.15 Oniken + Odallus Collection New 36.51 Opus Collection CIB+ 22.49 Ori: The Collection New 28.97 Othercide New 32.45 Outlast: Bundle of Terror / Outlast 2 CIB+ 277.52 Overlord: Escape from Nazarick New 35.97 Owlboy CIB+ 16.48 Oxenfree New 99.53 Panzer Dragoon New 40.5 Panzer Paladin New 48.13 Paper Mario: The Origami King CIB+ 36.5 Pathway New 27.6 Phoenotopia: Awakening [Premium Edition] New 114.25 Pikmin 3 Deluxe CIB+ 39.75 Pikmin 4 New 42.79 Piofiore: Fated Memories New 27.95 PixelJunk Eden 2 New 25.49 Pocky & Rocky Reshrined New 25.49 Pokémon Brilliant Diamond CIB+ 32.75 Pokémon Legends: Arceus New 41.19 Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team DX CIB+ 40.5 Pokémon Sword CIB+ 30.26 Pokémon Violet New 44.5 Pokémon: Let's Go, Pikachu! CIB+ 35.47 Postal Redux New 25.5 PowerSlave: Exhumed New 65.06 Prinny Presents NIS Classics Volume 2 [Deluxe Edition] New 43.99 Prodeus New 40.67 Project Warlock New 67.14 Puyo Puyo Tetris New 17.5 Q.U.B.E. 2 New 51.32 Quake New 38.49 Radiant Silvergun New 58.09 Rainbow Billy: The Curse of the Leviathan New 23.82 Razion EX New 137.71 realMyst: Masterpiece Edition New 78.08 République: Anniversary Edition New 35.49 Return of the Obra Dinn New 58.18 Return to Monkey Island CIB+ 43.09 Return to Shironagasu Island CIB+ 28.5 Risk of Rain 2 New 14.7 River City Girls CIB+ 80.23 River City Girls 2 New 50.5 River City Girls [PAX Variant] New 142.6 River City Girls Zero New 44.49 River City: Rival Showdown New 30.49 Rogue Heroes: Ruins of Tasos CIB+ 46.5 Roki CIB+ 39.07 Rolling Sky Collection CIB+ 20.00 Root Film New 34.09 RUINER [SWITCH RESERVE] New 54.47 Rune Factory 3 Special New 23.41 Rune Factory 3 Special New 23.41 Rune Factory 4 Special [Archival Edition] New 153.5 Sakuna: Of Rice and Ruin New 27.5 Sally Face [Deluxe Edition] New 224.81 Sam & Max Save the World New 43.5 Sam & Max: Beyond Time and Space Remastered New 44 Samurai Jack: Battle Through Time New 70.48 Save me Mr Tako: Definitive Edition New 33.5 Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: The Game - Complete Edition New 32.49 Sea Horizon [Limited Edition] New 42.49 Sea of Solitude: The Director's Cut New 20.00 Seabed New 40.42 SeaBed [Limited Edition] New 135.38 Senran Kagura Reflexions New 129.74 Senren * Banka New 86.76 SENSEs: Midnight [Limited Edition] New 47.43 Serious Sam Collection [Switch Reserve] New 60.49 Seven Pirates H New 51.25 Seven Pirates H New 51.25 Seven Pirates H New 51.25 Shadow Man Remastered New 48.39 Shadowgate New 62.5 Shadowrun Trilogy New 56.64 Shadows of Adam New 34.49 Shadowverse: Champion's Battle New 21.95 Shantae New 39.34 Shantae and the Pirate's Curse New 381.21 Shantae and the Pirate's Curse Box 49.62 Shantae and the Seven Sirens New 50.2 Shantae: Half-Genie Hero [Ultimate Edition] New 38.2 Shantae: Risky's Revenge New 38.51 Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn New 19.57 Shikhondo: Soul Eater New 34.44 Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne HD Remaster New 25.5 Shin Megami Tensei V New 22.38 Shin Megami Tensei V New 22.38 Shining Resonance Refrain [Draconic Launch Edition] New 48.6 Signalis New 32.03 Sine Mora EX New 23.02 Skelattack New 50.49 Slime-san New 43.74 Smile For Me New 46.94 SNK Heroines Tag Team Frenzy New 29.15 Sol Cresta: Dramatic Edition New 45.48 Sonic Colors Ultimate CIB+ 15.48 Sonic Frontiers CIB+ 21.62 Sonic Mania New 16.51 Spiritfarer New 28.95 Splatoon 2 CIB+ 19.67 Splatoon 3 New 43.99 Star Wars Pinball New 19.72 Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic New 60.49 Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II - The Sith Lords New 59.79 Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II - The Sith Lords New 59.79 Star Wars: Republic Commando New 26.45 Steel Assault New 48 Streets of Rage 4 New 33.45 Strife: Veteran Edition New 37.72 Subnautica + Subnautica: Below Zero New 32.49 Super Blood Hockey New 60.96 Super Bomberman R New 20.42 Super Mario 3D All-Stars CIB+ 82.33 Super Mario 3D World + Bowser's Fury CIB+ 39.5 Super Mario Bros. Wonder CIB 38.99 Super Mario Maker 2 CIB+ 30.48 Super Mario Odyssey New 39.59 Super Mario RPG New 39.93 Super Meat Boy New 38.5 Super Meat Boy Forever New 25.98 Super Monkey Ball Banana Mania New 13.48 Super Smash Bros. Ultimate CIB+ 38.74 Supraland New 33.75 Sushi Striker: The Way of Sushido New 12.17 Taiko no Tatsujin Rhythm Festival New 15.5 Tails of Iron [Crimson Knight Edition] New 42.89 Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition New 30.41 Tandem: A Tale of Shadows New 20.48 Terraria New 24.66 Caligula Effect 2 New 56.3 Caligula Effect: Overdose New 61.95 DioField Chronicle CIB+ 25.46 Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim CIB+ 35.31 Falconeer: Warrior Edition New 18.88 Friends Of Ringo Ishikawa New 26.73 Great Ace Attorney Chronicles CIB+ 30.98 Knight Witch Deluxe Edition New 32.07 Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel III - Extracurricular Edition CIB+ 31.77 Legend of Tianding New 51.61 Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild CIB+ 34 Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening CIB+ 32.57 Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword HD CIB+ 31.24 Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom New 47.46 Letter: A Horror Visual Novel [Limited Edition] New 73.75 The Messenger [Special Reserve Games Edition] New 280.00 Missing CIB+ 35.5 Mummy Demastered New 57.71 Red Lantern New 58.5 RED STRINGS CLUB [SWITCH RESERVE] New 38.5 Silver Case 2425 Deluxe Edition CIB 35.5 TakeOver New 47.41 Talos Principle New 51.62 Touryst New 68.88 Wonderful 101: Remastered New 23.5 World Ends with You: Final Remix New 53.95 There Is No Game: Wrong Dimension New 53.51 Thumper New 45.45 Time on Frog Island CIB+ 17.43 Timespinner [Limited Run] CIB+ 77.28 Tiny Barbarian DX New 33.97 To The Moon New 67.98 ToeJam & Earl: Back in the Groove! CIB+ 49.86 Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE Encore New 66.72 Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE Encore New 66.72 TowerFall New 45.5 Transistor CIB+ 61.01 Travis Strikes Again: No More Heroes CIB+ 24.99 Treasures Of The Aegean New 17.98 Triangle Strategy New 37.47 Trigger Witch New 34.59 Trigger Witch - Limited Edition New 57.66 Trover Saves the Universe New 37.76 Turok / Turok 2: Seeds of Evil New 167.4 Twin Blades of the Three Kingdoms New 50.5 Two Point Hospital New 26.5 UnderMine New 51.08 Unravel Two CIB+ 18.35 Unreal Life New 39.15 Unsighted New 47.2 Untitled Goose Game New 22.45 Valfaris New 39.64 Valis: The Fantasm Soldier Collection New 70.61 Valis: The Fantasm Soldier Collection II New 50.5 Valkyria Chronicles 4 New 66.81 Very Very Valet New 17.77 Wandersong CIB+ 33.99 Warborn New 16.6 Warhammer 40,000: Mechanicus CIB+ 21 WarioWare: Get it Together! CIB+ 24.55 West of Dead New 39.1 Wizard of Legend New 62.66 Wonder Boy: The Dragon's Trap New 39.14 World Of Simulators New 45 Wreckfest New 25.5 Wulverblade New 68.83 Xenoblade Chronicles 2 Loose 42.6 Xenoblade Chronicles 2 CIB+ 48.49 Xenoblade Chronicles 2: Torna the Golden Country New 58.45 Xenoblade Chronicles 3 New 39.49 Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition New 45.5 Xtreme Sports New 50.5 Yoku's Island Express CIB+ 35.5 Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair New 35.5 Yoshi's Crafted World CIB+ 36.75 Young Souls New 34.49 Yu-Gi-Oh! Legacy of the Duelist: Link Evolution CIB+ 17.69 Yuppie Psycho: Executive Edition (Elite Edition) New 45.49 Yurukill: The Calumniation Games (Deluxe Edition) New 20.73 Zombies Ate My Neighbors and Ghoul Patrol New 40.09
PS4
88 Antarctica New 45.00 Antartica 88 [Variant Cover] New 185.5 Deadpool CIB+ 76.33 Deadpool CIB+ 76.33 Death Park New 75.48 Death Park New 75.48 Death Park New 75.48 Death Park New 75.48 Digimon Survive New 16.55 Divinity: Original Sin II - Definitive Edition New 71 Doki Doki Literature Club Plus! New 21.17 Helldivers [Super-Earth Ultimate Edition] CIB+ 62.97 Minecraft: Story Mode - A Telltale Games Series - The Complete Adventure CIB+ 58.41 Outriders: Worldslayer New 18.48 Revenge of The Bird King New 31.99 Saints Row: The Third Remastered New 15.1 Senran Kagura Burst Re:Newal [At the Seams Edition] New 60.49 Senran Kagura Burst Re:Newal [Tailor Made Edition] New 47.99 Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash (No Shirt, No Shoes, All Service Edition) New 71.5 Shadow Warrior 2 [Special Reserve Edition] New 235.52 Super Perils of Baking Special Edition [SEGA Outerbox] New 200.5 Swords of Ditto: Mormo's Curse [Special Reserve Edition] New 47.1 Tamashii New 734.39 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants in Manhattan CIB+ 51.58 Valkyria Chronicles Remastered Steelbook Edition New 30.45
Vita
2064: Read Only Memories New 67.97 88 Heroes New 40.6 99Vidas New 125.97 Hole New World New 48.82 Rose in the Twilight New 192 Winter's Daydream [Limited Edition] New 64.1 Aegis of Earth: Protonovus Assault New 26.49 Akiba's Beat New 30.25 Akiba's Trip: Undead & Undressed CIB+ 25.49 Alone With You New 38.5 Angry Birds Star Wars New 20.48 Another World: 20th Anniversary Edition New 40.49 Antiquia Lost New 34.75 Aqua Kitty: Milk Mine Defender DX New 51.5 Army Corps of Hell New 23.99 Asdivine Hearts New 35.46 Astro Aqua Kitty [Limited Edition] New 64.7 Atari Flashback Classics New 60.61 Atelier Escha & Logy Plus: Alchemists of the Dusk Sky (Limited Edition) New 168.49 Awesome Pea Collection [Limited Edition] CIB+ 40.1 Axiom Verge Multiverse Edition New 56.56 Back in 1995 [Limited Edition] New 191.4 Bard's Gold New 33 Bastion New 64.16 Batman: Arkham Origins Blackgate CIB+ 23.67 Bit.Trip Presents...Runner2: Future Legend of Rhythm Alien New 33.49 Bit.Trip Presents...Runner2: Future Legend of Rhythm Alien New 33.49 Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon New 118.23 Borderlands 2 CIB+ 23.49 Breach & Clear New 308.01 Broken Age New 33.77 Bunny Must Die: Chelsea and the 7 Devils New 95 Call of Duty: Black Ops Declassified CIB+ 22.29 Call of Duty: Black Ops Declassified Loose 18.98 Chaos;Child New 45.61 Chasm CIB+ 60.49 Child of Light CIB+ 24.56 Claire: Extended Cut CIB+ 35.17 Code:Realize - Future Blessings Loose 14.9 Code:Realize - Guardian of Rebirth New 25.5 Code:Realize - Guardian of Rebirth Loose 14.2 Conga Master Go! [Limited Edition] New 51.83 Corpse Party: Blood Drive New 58.77 Cosmic Star Heroine CIB+ 43.25 Criminal Girls 2: Party Favors CIB+ 74.09 Criminal Girls: Invite Only CIB+ 54.49 Croixleur Sigma New 40.49 Cursed Castilla EX [Limited Edition] New 60.5 Curses 'N Chaos New 38.72 Damascus Gear: Operation Osaka New 40.51 Damascus Gear: Operation Tokyo New 41 Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair Loose 19.41 Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair Loose 19.41 Danganronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls New 31.5 Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony CIB+ 58.89 Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc CIB+ 25.97 Dariusburst: Chronicle Saviours New 47.38 Deadbolt New 42.44 Death Mark CIB+ 23.22 Death Tales [Limited Edition] New 40.4 Deemo: The Last Recital New 34.22 Defender's Quest: Valley of the Forgotten New 37.86 Demon Gaze Loose 22.22 Demon Gaze CIB+ 25.81 Demon Gaze II New 74.66 Demon's Tier+ [Limited Edition] CIB+ 55.49 Dengeki Bunko: Fighting Climax CIB+ 25.5 Devious Dungeon - Limited Edition CIB+ 67.38 Devious Dungeon 2 [Limited Edition] New 84.5 Digimon Story: Cyber Sleuth CIB+ 65.9 Disgaea 4: A Promise Revisited CIB+ 25.49 Dokuro New 52.94 Dragon Fantasy: The Black Tome of Ice New 34.5 Dragon Fantasy: The Volumes of Westeria New 40.49 Dragon Sinker: Descendants of Legend New 35.5 Dungeon Travelers 2: The Royal Library & The Monster Seal CIB+ 53 Dynasty Warriors: Next Loose 16.66 Earth Defense Force 2: Invaders from Planet Space New 28.19 EMMA: Lost in Memories [Limited Edition] New 52.49 Exile's End New 39.65 Exist Archive: The Other Side of The Sky Loose 18.48 Fate/Extella: The Umbral Star Noble Phantasm Edition New 46.26 Fernz Gate New 30.69 Final Fantasy X / X-2 HD Remaster Loose 25.49 Final Fantasy X-2 HD Remaster New 61.19 Forma.8 New 32.5 Freedom Wars CIB+ 13.48 Furwind [Limited Edition] CIB+ 40.5 Futuridium EP Deluxe New 45.97 Gal*Gun: Double Peace CIB+ 32.34 Ghoulboy [Limited Edition] New 160.5 God of War Collection New 74.75 Grand Kingdom New 47.6 Gravity Rush CIB+ 44.5 Guacamelee! New 70.48 Guard Duty [Limited Edition] CIB+ 47.38 Gundemoniums New 84.18 Gunhouse New 30.38 Habroxia New 129.94 Habroxia 2 [Limited Edition] New 65.5 Halloween Forever [Limited Edition] New 74.5 Home: A Unique Horror Adventure New 35.92 Horizon Chase Turbo [Limited Edition] New 76.81 Hot Shots Golf: World Invitational New 26.19 HtoL#NiQ The Firefly Diary: Limited Edition New 59.25 Hue New 40.5 Hyperdevotion Noire: Goddess Black Heart CIB+ 35.5 Hyperdimension Neptunia PP: Producing Perfection CIB+ 35.97 Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth1 CIB+ 47.01 Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth1 CIB+ 47.01 Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth2: Sisters Generation CIB+ 60.49 Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth2: Sisters Generation CIB+ 60.49 Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth3: V Generation CIB+ 55.95 Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth3: V Generation CIB+ 55.95 Hyperdimension Neptunia U: Action Unleashed CIB+ 43.81 Iconoclasts New 96.5 Indigo 7 : Quest for Love New ? Jak and Daxter Collection CIB+ 50.49 Jet Set Knights [Limited Edition] New 100.5 Jet Set Knights [Limited Edition] New 100.5 Just Ignore them + My Big Sister Collection New 60.49 Kawaii Deathu Desu New 45.5 Killzone: Mercenary Loose 24.49 Killzone: Mercenary CIB+ 32.68 Knightin' + [Limited Edition] New 60.45 Knytt Underground New 128.14 La-Mulana Ex New 38.03 LEGO Batman 2: DC Super Heroes Loose 11.33 LEGO Jurassic World CIB+ 13.44 LEGO Ninjago: Shadow of Ronin Loose 17.12 LEGO Star Wars: The Force Awakens New 28.75 LEGO Star Wars: The Force Awakens Loose 12.21 LEGO The Lord of the Rings Loose 10.49 Lone Survivor: The Director's Cut New 42.49 Luckslinger [Limited Edition] New 60.41 Lumines: Electronic Symphony New 18.61 Mary Skelter: Nightmares CIB+ 92.87 MegaTagmension Blanc + Neptune VS Zombies New 37.58 MeiQ: Labyrinth of Death CIB+ 25.39 Mercenary Kings: Reloaded Edition [Limited Edition] New 106.71 Metagal [Limited Edition] CIB+ 100.35 Metal Gear Solid HD Collection CIB+ 46.49 Metal Slug 3 New 115.48 Mind Zero CIB+ 20.48 Mooseman [Limited Edition] New 119.05 Mortal Kombat CIB+ 26.99 MotoGP 13 CIB+ 23.83 MUSYNX New 50.49 Muv-Luv New 53.36 Muv-Luv Alternative New 66.95 Muv-Luv Complete Set New 90.5 My Aunt is a Witch [Limited Edition] New 55.5 Mystery Chronicle: One Way Heroics New 27.94 Need for Speed: Most Wanted - A Criterion Game CIB+ 20.32 Neurovoider New 35.5 Nicole [Limited Edition] New 48.22 Night Trap: 25th Anniversary Edition New 58.99 Nova-111 New 28.67 Nurse Love Addiction New 59.18 Nurse Love Syndrome New 50.49 Nurse Love Syndrome Loose 15.49 Oceanhorn: Monster of Uncharted Seas New 52 Octodad: Dadliest Catch New 46.36 Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee - New 'n' Tasty New 149.5 Oddworld: Munch's Oddysee HD New 52.5 Oddworld: Stranger's Wrath HD New 69.73 Odin Sphere Leifthrasir CIB+ 72.45 Odin Sphere Leifthrasir Loose 70.5 One More Dungeon CIB+ 60 Operation Abyss: New Tokyo Legacy CIB+ 31.5 Oreshika: Tainted Bloodlines New 93 Pantsu Hunter: Back to the 90s New 156.5 Papers, Please New 115.47 Pato Box [Limited Edition] New 73.23 Penny-Punching Princess New 45.41 Period: Cube - Shackles of Amadeus New 54.65 Persona 4 Golden Loose 25.37 Persona 4 Golden New 61.12 Persona 4: Dancing All Night - Disco Fever Edition New 145.5 Phantom Breaker: Battle Grounds New 53.5 Pix the Cat New 28.84 Plague Road New 43.4 PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale New 31.74 Proteus New 36.49 Psychedelica of the Ashen Hawk New 51.5 Psychedelica of the Ashen Hawk New 51.5 Psychedelica of the Black Butterfly CIB+ 33.57 Psycho-Pass Mandatory Happiness CIB+ 28.99 Pushy and Pully in Block Land New 70.45 Rabi-Ribi New 93.59 Rainbow Moon New 44.89 Ray Gigant New 102.84 Rayman Legends Loose 17.37 Rayman Origins CIB+ 16.71 Retro City Rampage DX [Re-Release] New 35.00 Revenant Dogma New 35.36 Revenant Saga New 29.44 Reverie [Limited Edition] CIB+ 43.49 Riddled Corpses EX New 40.49 Risk of Rain New 38 Rock Boshers DX New 29.34 Rocketbirds 2: Evolution New 55.5 Rocketbirds: Hardboiled Chicken New 43.2 Root Double [Xtend Edition] New 53.5 Root Letter New 46.11 Salt and Sanctuary New 100.49 Salt and Sanctuary New 100.49 Saturday Morning RPG New 50.49 Sayonara Umihara Kawase++ New 67.33 ScourgeBringer [Limited Edition] New 59.97 ScourgeBringer [Limited Edition] New 59.97 Senran Kagura Shinovi Versus: Let's Get Physical Edition New 115.5 Senran Kagura: Bon Appétit! New 150.44 Senran Kagura: Bon Appétit! Full Course - Collector's Edition New 185.13 Senran Kagura: Estival Versus Endless Summer Edition New 115.48 Sense: A Cyberpunk Ghost Story New 155.5 Severed [Limited Edition] New 100.81 Shakedown: Hawaii CIB+ 36.85 Shantae: Half-Genie Hero CIB+ 37.5 Shinobido 2: Revenge of Zen CIB+ 38.67 Shovel Knight New 96.49 Sid Meier's Civilization Revolution 2+ CIB+ 76.26 Silent Hill: Book of Memories CIB+ 76.38 Sir Eatsalot [Limited Edition] CIB+ 53.08 Siralim New 50.5 Siralim 2 New 30.49 Skullgirls: 2nd Encore New 52.81 Sky Force Anniversary New 75.48 Slain: Back From Hell [Signature Edition] New 76.5 Sly Cooper Collection CIB+ 52.27 Smart as... CIB+ 9.67 Soldner-X 2: Final Prototype New 44.12 Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed CIB+ 23.56 Sorcery Saga: Curse of the Great Curry God [Limited edition] New 80.5 Soul Sacrifice CIB+ 17.36 Soul Sacrifice Delta New 105.5 Spelunky New 70.5 Spy Hunter CIB+ 24.31 Stay [Limited Edition] New 130.5 Stealth Inc: A Clone in the Dark (Ultimate Edition) New 29.13 SteamWorld Dig New 55.72 SteamWorld Heist New 52.97 Steins;Gate CIB+ 30.58 Steins;Gate 0 CIB+ 29.49 Stranger of sword city limited edition New 63.57 Super Hydorah New 47.9 Super Meat Boy New 60.5 Super Mutant Alien Assault New 34.9 Super Skull Smash GO! 2 Turbo New 42.35 SUPERBEAT: XONiC New 28.49 Superdimension Neptune VS Sega Hard Girls New 58.5 Sword Art Online: Hollow Fragment New 65.48 Synergia [Limited Edition] New 110.49 Tachyon Project Limited Edition New 55.35 Takotan [Limited Edition] New 51.59 Tales from Space: Mutant Blobs Attack New 50.24 Tales of Hearts R CIB+ 69.48 Tales of Hearts R Loose 50.5 Task Force Kampas New 36.5 Tetris Ultimate New 70.47 Tetris Ultimate New 70.47 Amazing Spider-Man CIB+ 64.75 Amazing Spider-Man CIB+ 64.75 Bard's Tale: Remastered and Resnarkled New 50.49 Bit.Trip Limited Edition New 33.5 Count Lucanor [Signature Edition] New 144.47 House in Fata Morgana: Dreams of the Revenants Edition CIB+ 99.5 House in Fata Morgana: Dreams of the Revenants Edition M+B 40.1 King of Fighters '97: Global Match New 64.81 Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel CIB+ 36.49 Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel (Lionheart Limited Edition) New 72.39 Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel II CIB+ 57.82 Longest Five Minutes New 32.5 Lost Child New 56.03 Lost Cube [Limited Edition] New 50.49 Ratchet and Clank Trilogy CIB+ 72.77 Swapper New 51.48 Swindle New 27.51 Walking Dead: Season Two - A Telltale Games Series New 22.61 Thomas Was Alone New 33.5 Tokyo Xanadu New 49.32 Touch My Katamari CIB+ 33.72 Twin Breaker: A Sacred Symbols Adventure [Limited Edition] CIB+ 47.09 Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 CIB+ 31.21 Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 CIB+ 31.21 Uncharted: Golden Abyss CIB+ 27.23 Uncharted: Golden Abyss CIB+ 27.23 Undertale New 66.38 Unepic [Limited Edition] New 274.98 UnMetal New 163.32 Utawarerumono: Mask of Deception New 72.27 Utawarerumono: Mask of Truth - Launch Edition New 36.5 Utawarerumono: Mask of Truth - Launch Edition New 36.5 VA-11 Hall-A New 79.91 Valkyrie Drive: Bhikkhuni CIB+ 66.81 Vasara Collection New 98.5 Velocity 2X: Critical Mass Edition New 63.05 Volume New 32.25 Windjammers New 35.83 Wipeout 2048 New 31.24 World of Final Fantasy New 33.99 Xeno Crisis [Limited Edition] New 100.5 Xeno Crisis [Limited Edition] New 100.5 Xeno Crisis [Limited Edition] New 100.5 Xenon Valkyrie+ New 68.11 Xeodrifter New 44.2 Yomawari: Midnight Shadows CIB+ 33.71 Yomawari: Night Alone / htol#NiQ: The Firefly Diary CIB+ 40.5 Ys Origin New 56.4 Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of DANA New 72.34 Ys: Memories of Celceta CIB+ 25.99 Yumeutsutsu Re:After [Limited Edition] New 82.97 Yumeutsutsu Re:Master [Limited Edition] New 75.48 Zero Escape: Virtue's Last Reward CIB+ 15.5 Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma New 33.17 Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma Loose 24.51
3DS
Aliens: Infestation Loose 59.32 Minecraft: New Nintendo 3DS Edition New 34.72 New Nintendo 2DS XL White & Orange Loose 206.5 Senran Kagura 2: Deep Crimson (Double D Edition) New 70.5 Senran Kagura 2: Deep Crimson (Double D Edition) New 70.5 Shantae and the Pirate's Curse [Collector's Edition] New 89.39 Shantae and the Pirate's Curse [Collector's Edition] New 89.39

Well, hello! I'm just a silly little queer on a journey to self-discovery, learning how to live my best life, and looking for some company along the way. Here is what I'm looking like these days. I have officially hit that point in my life where time seems to be just completely slipping through my fingers, and so I am very focused on truly living each day to the fullest extent of my abilities, for the first time in a very long while (maybe ever). I'd love to meet some more folks who are in a similar place in their daily lives. For me, this means an emphasis on healing, hobbies, and healthy connections and approaching the choices, chances, and changes I make each day from a place of curiosity and wonder.
Healing is a priority of the highest order for me. I believe that as adults we all have wounds that, through healing, we can learn and grow from, in order to be the best versions of ourselves. We are all works in progress, and no matter how young or old, none of us are ever really "done" growing. I am learning how to hold space for my younger self, without judgement or shame coloring my perception of my past actions and choices. I'd love to hear about how you are practicing growth, what therapy modalities have worked best for you (IFS changed my life!), and/or your short and long term goals for this area of your life.
Hobbies have made a world of difference in how I balance my days. At the peak of my depression/mental illness, my entire life revolved around work and my children - I had no identity outside of ~Customer Service Cutie~ and ~Mom~. Last year I took the leap to join a local gay women's chorus and I am not kidding you, it was the best decision I made for myself in my adult life. This has opened up doors to other hobbies I didn't know I was interested in, like painting and kickball. Tell me about your hobbies, and what activities make you smile, and breathe life into your days!
Healthy connections are where you come in! Hooray - if you made it this far, you are a TROOPER and I appreciate you taking the time. I'm really not looking for anything in particular, but you should know that I am super duper non-monogamous, and have been for 12 years now - I'd love to tell you all about it! I would love to go out on cute dates (I have always been the planner, so it would be a really cool change if someone wanted to take me out) or connect over zoom or whatever digital platform works best for you. It's been an embarrassingly long time since I've sent or received a good morning text, or felt the flutters in my stomach when I see someone's name pop up throughout the day. I guess I'm just looking for chemistry, in whatever form that takes.
Please feel free to shoot me a message or chat on here. If you need an opener idea, I'd love to know - if you had 1 hour to get on a plane to anywhere in the world (hurry up, pack your bag and GO!) where are you going and why?
Cheers xo
Em

Well, hello! I'm just a silly little queer on a journey to self-discovery, learning how to live my best life, and looking for some company along the way. Here is what I'm looking like these days. I have officially hit that point in my life where time seems to be just completely slipping through my fingers, and so I am very focused on truly living each day to the fullest extent of my abilities, for the first time in a very long while (maybe ever). I'd love to meet some more folks who are in a similar place in their daily lives. For me, this means an emphasis on healing, hobbies, and healthy connections and approaching the choices, chances, and changes I make each day from a place of curiosity and wonder.
Healing is a priority of the highest order for me. I believe that as adults we all have wounds that, through healing, we can learn and grow from, in order to be the best versions of ourselves. We are all works in progress, and no matter how young or old, none of us are ever really "done" growing. I am learning how to hold space for my younger self, without judgement or shame coloring my perception of my past actions and choices. I'd love to hear about how you are practicing growth, what therapy modalities have worked best for you (IFS changed my life!), and/or your short and long term goals for this area of your life.
Hobbies have made a world of difference in how I balance my days. At the peak of my depression/mental illness, my entire life revolved around work and my children - I had no identity outside of ~Customer Service Cutie~ and ~Mom~. Last year I took the leap to join a local gay women's chorus and I am not kidding you, it was the best decision I made for myself in my adult life. This has opened up doors to other hobbies I didn't know I was interested in, like painting and kickball. Tell me about your hobbies, and what activities make you smile, and breathe life into your days!
Healthy connections are where you come in! Hooray - if you made it this far, you are a TROOPER and I appreciate you taking the time. I'm really not looking for anything in particular. I would love to go out on cute dates (I have always been the planner, so it would be a really cool change if someone wanted to take me out) or connect over zoom or whatever digital platform works best for you. It's been an embarrassingly long time since I've sent or received a good morning text, or felt the flutters in my stomach when I see someone's name pop up throughout the day. I guess I'm just looking for chemistry, in whatever form that takes.
Please feel free to shoot me a message or chat on here. If you need an opener idea, I'd love to know - if you had 1 hour to get on a plane to anywhere in the world (hurry up, pack your bag and GO!) where are you going and why?
Cheers xo
Em