To all my haters poems

Prologue: On the 6th of October 2023 Grand regiment Drake the leader of the OVO nation allied himself with Duke J. Cole of The Dreamville Union for the celebration known as “First person Shooter”. During the celebration Cole asked the question: “Love when they argue the hardest MC, is it K-Dot? Is it Aubrey? Or me? We the big three like we started a league, but right now, I feel like Muhammad Ali” This simple question would be the start of a war to end all wars as one small man would not take kindly to this question.
Chapter 1, The invasion: On the 22nd of March 2024 High Priest Metro Boomin of the Boominati Religion and President Future the commander of the Freebandz state would unite to, seemingly out of know where, invade the OVO Nation. The invasion was called “We don’t trust you”. During this invasion a weapon was made to take down the OVO Nation. The weapon in question was known as “Like That” where they joined forces with King Kendrick Lamar the sworn protector of the pgLang county. While using the weapon King Kendrick would say such lines as:“Fuck sneak dissin', first-person shooter, I hope they came with three switches” (a direct reference to Drake and J. Cole’s celebration), “Motherfuck the big three,***, it's just big me” (a spin on the line Cole said on FPS) & “fore all your dogs gettin' buried That's a K with all these nines, he gon' see Pet Sematary”. From this invasion on the OVO Nation The Dreamville union were also drawn into this conflict. With the lines being drawn and sides beginning to form, this was just the beginning.
Chapter 2, A strike back and a subsequent set back: On the 5th of April 2024 The Duke J. Cole of the Dreamville Union would launch an attack back but solely aimed at The county of pgLang where King Kendrick Lamar resided this attack was known as “7 minute drill”. On this attack Cole would send shots such as “Your first shit was classic, your last shit was tragic Your second shit put ****** to sleep, but they gassed it Your third shit was massive and that was your prime” & “Four albums in twelve years, nigga, I can divide Shit” However 2 days after on April the 7th Duke J. Cole would retreat his forces and apologise to King Kendrick and cancel his attack altogether, withdrawing himself from the conflict completely.
Chapter 3, More forces join the fight: On April 12th 2024 High Priest Metro Boomin and President Future would launch another follow up attack on the OVO Nation with their second assault “We Still Don’t Trust You”. On this second attack more allies of theirs joined the fight such as Captain The Weeknd of the XO navy, Commander A$AP Rocky chief of the A$AP mob and seeming a peace treaty was formed as Duke J. Cole appeared in the Boominati cathedral clearly proving he wanted no part of this war anymore. Both Weeknd and Rocky would launch small assaults landing on the OVO Nation joining the Forces of Boominati, Freebandz and pgLang With all these attacks coming in the world eagerly awaited for a response from Grand Regiment Drake.
Chapter 4, The Grand Regiment Defends: On the 13th of April the Grand Regiment himself, Drake would launch his first attack back known as “Push Ups”. On this Defence The Grand Regiment would launch massive attacks back at The Boominati religion, Freebandz state and pgLang county, with small jabs back at the XO navy for good measure. The most damming strike was aimed directly at High Priest Metro Boomin with the strike know as: “Metro, shut your ho-ass up and make some drums" this strike proved fatal and the High Priest was seemingly destroyed in the barrage and his forces retreated. More big strikes were aimed at King Kendrick Lamar such as “How the fuck you big stepping with a size 7 men’s on”. The Grand Regiment also changed the big three by claiming that “You ain't in no big three” (in reference to Kendrick) “SZA got you wiped down, Travis got you wiped down, Savage got you wiped down” Later that same day Duchess SZA would respond by asking why she was brought into this conflict. With a solid defence and subsequent attack under The Grand Regiments belt the world once again waited to see what would happend next.
Chapter 5, The Empire Strikes Back: On April 15th 2024 Emperor Rick Ross of Carol City, Florida would launch his own attack on the OVO nation, known as “Champagne moments” this would see The Emperors forces join the conflict. During this the Emperor would personally attack Grand Regiment Drake claiming that his chiseled battle worn body was fake with strikes such as: “Yeah, you had that surgery, that six-pack gone That's why you wearin' that funny shit at your show" And blows at The Grand Regiments nose:“That's why you had a operation to make your nose smaller than your father nose” A very person attack on the OVO Nation from the Emperor, Seeming siding with the pgLang forces. The Emperor would continue to launch attacks at the OVO nation and the Grand Regiment himself through Instagram stories strikes.
Chapter 6, Ghosts and A.I: On April 19th 2024 Grand Regiment Drake would launch another attack but not aimed at Emperor Ross, this attack was solely aimed at King Kendrick Lamar’s forces. Known as “Taylor Made Freestyle” this attack was a tactical move from The Grand Regiment as it was a much more scaled back, however it was meant to Draw the King out so he would rush his next move hopefully giving The Grand Regiment the upper hand. This is shown on assaults such as: “The next one is really 'bout to bring out the coward in you” On this forward attack The Grand Regiment would also use advanced technology to summon the spirt of St. 2 PAC to further attack The pgLang county. He would also use this technology to replicate Freedom fighter Snoop Dogg of the Trees movement to also attack the county. Later on the freedom fighter would be ultimately baffled as to how and why he had been replicated. What was about to happend next was unclear but what did happen next was strange.
Chapter 7, A Unlikely Ally Appears: On the 20th of April 2024 another attack was launched on the OVO nation but not by any of the pre existing forces a new force had joined the war. The controversial Führer, Ye, Dictator of The Inter Milan ultras, would launch his own small assault with help from Chairman Ty dolla $ign and President Future. This attack was known as “like that remix” and was a very similar attack to “like that” only without King Kendrick forces joining him, however the Führer would side with the King proclaiming: “Yo Dot, I got you”. The attacks were quite weak with the only slightly significant strike being: “I can't even think of a Drake line, play J. Cole, get the p*ssy dry" with the main attack being on the Duke J. Cole, a man long since retired from this war. After this small attack the Führer would withdraw himself and his forces and not be heard from again during the war.
Chapter 8, All Out War: On April 30th 2024 King Kendrick Lamar would launch his first sole assault on the OVO nation pushing back the forces of Grand Regiment Drake and invading the OVO nation with the attack known as “Euphoria”. During this barrage King Kendrick would launch many strikes such as: "You not a rap artist, you a scam artist with the hopes of being accepted" & "Yeah, my first one like my last one, it's a classic, you don't have one Let your core audience stomach that Didn't tell 'em where you get your abs from”. Seeming attacking the Grand Regiments body again just like Emperor Ross did on his attack “Champagne moments”. The king would also state his absolute distain for the Grand Regimental proclaiming: “It's always been about love and hate, now let me say I'm the biggest hater I hate the way that you walk, the way that you talk I hate the way that you dress I hate the way you sneak diss, if I catch flight, it's gon' be direct”. Others would also be caught in the crossfire of this conflict such as Prime Minister Gunna “Wunna” of the now disbanded YSL company with strikes such as: “I know some shit about n***** that make Gunna Wunna look like a saint”. This would mark a turning point in the conflict as the two main army’s would become the pgLang county and the OVO Nation with at the time pgLang seemingly having the upper hand.
Chapter 9, The siege of OVO continues: On May 3rd of 2024 just after his huge attack on the OVO Nation King Kendrick would launch another smaller assault at the OVO Nation with the attack known as “6:16 in LA”. On this assault The King would claim that a rat existed inside the OVO Nation and was feeding the King intel on The Grand Regiments next moves he also sent many shots to The Grand Regimental on how he was loosing this war. With the pgLang forces closing on the Embassy (the headquarters of Grand Regiment Drake) The Grand Regiment had to act fast and hit hard to stop this barrage on his Nation.
Chapter 10, The Grand Regiment makes it personal: On the same day as the attack know as “6:16 in LA” At night Grand Regiment Drake would launch is own huge attack back at the pgLang county pushing King Kendrick’s forces out of the OVO Nation this attack would be known as “Family Matters”. During this defensive manoeuvre The Grand Regiment would strike back with strikes aimed at The King like: “Good kid, m.A.A.d city van, we'll pop the latch and let the door slide” & “Kendrick just opened his mouth, someone go hand him a Grammy right now”. The Grand Regiment would also launch a series of attacks aimed at the family of King Kendrick and even claimed that one of The Kings children was not actually his. The Grand Regiment would also send assaults back at The XO Navy, A$AP Mob, The Ross Empire and The Freebanz State driving their forces away from the OVO Nation and making them drop out of the conflict leaving only pgLangs forces remaining. What happened next was something that nobody could have seen coming and an event that would change the course of history as we know it .
Chapter 11, The Red button is pressed: Near hours after the huge attack known as “Family Matters” King Kendrick would launch the biggest Attack the world had ever seen, know as “Meet the Grahams”. In this attack The King would send his forces after The Grand Regiments Son, High Regiment Adonis, with strikes such as: “Dear Adonis, I'm sorry that that man is your father, let me be honest It takes a man to be a man, your dad is not responsive I look at him and wish your grandpa woulda wore a condom”. The King would also launch multiple barrages at the Family of Grand Regiment Drake such as his Mother and his Father. The King would also accuse The Grand Regiment of crimes that he had committed in the OVO Nation and across the world with targeted strikes such as: “Mm-mm, your son's a sick man with sick thoughts, I think (fellas) like him should die Him and Weinstein should get fucked up in a cell for the rest they life” The King further claimed that the Grand Regiment had a secret child he was hiding by stating: “Dear babygirl I'm sorry that your father not active inside your world” & “Should be teachin' you time tables or watchin' Frozen with you Or at your eleventh birthday, singin' poems with you”. Due to how quick this counter was it’s been speculated that Grand Regiment Drake indeed did have a rat in the OVO Nation feeding King Kendrick information. This colossal attack would push the pgLang forces further towards the Embassy and take back the districts they had lost only a few hours ago. Grand Regiment Drake was once again on the back foot and loosing heavily, with even his most loyal followers beginning to see defeat.
Chapter 12, The final days: Only a day after on the 5th of May 2024 King Kendrick would launch another consecutive colossal attack on the OVO Nation, this attack know as “Not like us” is what many would argue to be the final nail in the coffin for the Grand Regiment. During this attack The King would send in all his remaining forces and missiles at the OVO Nation, with strikes such as: “Say Drake, I hear you like 'em young”, "Certified lover boy, certified pedophile" & “Tryna strike a cord and it's probably A-Minor" seemingly doubling down on the claims of the crimes The Grand Regiment had committed. The Kings forces had now taken the OVO Nation with only the Embassy where The Grand Regiment resided with his most loyal followers remaining. The Grand Regiment had to act and hit harder than he’d ever hit or his once great nation would be abolished. Like many parts of this war what came next was unexpected but would further the downfall of The OVO Nation.
Chapter 13, Overkill: A few hours after the forces of pgLang had seized the OVO Nation a force seemingly back from the dead would join alongside King Kendrick in the assault of the Embassy. High Priest Metro Boomin of the Boominati Religion would join the fight once more with the Assault known as “BBL Drizzy”. The High Priest would use dark magic to conjure great warriors from around the world enticing them with a catchy beat to further the assault on The Embassy. With the Embassy surrounded it was now or never Grand Regiment Drake had to act in order to save his Nation.
Chapter 14, The end of OVO: On May 6th 2024 Grand Regiment Drake made a final stand to stop the forces of pgLang and the Boominati from invading the Embassy. This final stand would be known as “The heart part 6”, However this attack proved to be futile and if anything quickened the time of The Grand Regiments inevitable downfall as it was a big swing and a miss. At this point even some of The Grand Regiments most loyal followers fled as they knew that they too would be damned in this final stand. As the forces of pgLang and The Boominati stormed the embassy Grand Regiment Drake, of the now fallen OVO Nation, prepared to make his final, solo, stand. TBC…..

Hello. I noticed that no one here really talks about Return, so I decided to share my thoughts about the manuscript with those who don’t mind spending more than five minutes reading this post and thinking about it. Mind you, I may be very bad at communicating my thoughts to other people. Sorry for that.
To quote Tim Breaker, “It’s a lot, so buckle up.” And when I say "a lot", I mean "A LOT". There will be no TL;DR here.
Here, in this post I will be looking at 2 versions of Return from two authors - Alan1 and Alan2. Alan1 is the Alan who wrote Return and who Alan2 and Zane (whoever he is) call Scratch. This is not the Mr. Scratch you remember from AWAN and not that Scratch who is chasing Saga, demanding the Clicker. And in the Dark Place he is called Scratch only because Alan2 mistakenly decided that Alan1 was Scratch. Alan1 is either Alan under the influence of the Dark Presence, or a completely desperate Alan, or any other Alan who has lost his mind. There are many theories, but the truth is, it was Alan. We'll leave the debate about this for some other time. Alan2 is Alan, who forgot that he wrote Return, was horrified by the contents of the manuscript, blamed Scratch for everything (who else to blame?) and edited Return. He is Alan, with whom we play through the game.
I'm not going to build theories here, but rather looking at what Alan2 changed in Alan1’s Return, as well as noting a couple of non-obvious things in Alan2's pages, and after that I'll look at what exactly was supposed to happen in Alan1's Return, based on what's left of it. Nothing big.
I hope that someone will show me their view of the contents of the manuscript from a different angle or, on the contrary, will learn something new from my observations. And yes, some things will seem very obvious, but people here often don't notice obvious things at all, so something like this can be a big revelation for them.
Manuscript pages can always be viewed here: Return Manuscript) (this is a link to the wiki)
A couple of notes before I start:

1. I'll assume that the protagonist of Alan1's Return was supposed to be Casey, and Alan2 changed it to Saga.
2. I’m not a fan of All-Mighty Alan’s theory (to quote Clay Murphy: “he is not some all-powerful hand of fate”). When I say/write that “something happened because Alan wrote it that way,” I mean “something happened because Alan spent a shitload of time and trying to get it right, and by some miracle, the stars aligned and reality/The Dark Place/Universe allowed it to happen, which meant it could happen (or happened in a parallel world), and Alan just nudged reality in that direction.” Let’s not forget that many of the things Alan wrote about are things that actually existed/exist, and Alan simply described them as they are. And there is no way to tell which case this or that situation belongs to. For example, Alan2 writes: “Then the government put up a fence.” (around Cauldron Lake), which means that either 1) Alan2 changed reality so that the government put up a fence, or 2) the government put up a fence, then Alan saw it in his visions and wrote about it.
3. Based on the video from Initiation 6, Alan2 was NOT trying to make the story less horror (should have stuck to the genre, to work within the constraints set by Alan1). He edited Return with one goal - to try to prevent the Dark Presence from escaping from the Dark Place and the subsequent deaths of people, and for this he wrote into the story Saga, who, in his opinion, was already involved in all this, so that she would “fight the darkness” and stopped Scratch/Dark Presence. And in order for Saga to understand what to do, Alan2 needed to talk to her, therefore, get into the Overlap. In short, the main point of the edits is to create conditions for the Overlaps and provide Saga with her story so that she becomes motivated to work on this matter.

Pages are divided into 3 categories:
https://preview.redd.it/r9i4fxkik1uc1.png?width=925&format=png&auto=webp&s=51db1e6fc066421fb1a65eb658c80c8dbfc35409
I'll quickly go over why I organized some pages the way I did.
Second column in the table (why I decided that these pages were written by Alan2):
The Koskela's Parade Float page was completely rewritten by Alan2 in order to create Saga's path to the Overlap, and not a single word of the original text remains.
Rose Receives A Message. The concept of the Hero didn't exist in Alan1’s Return, and it's unlikely that Casey, if you count him as the hero, was a fan of knitting, so we can assume that Alan2 wrote it.
Odin Loses An Eye and Door Traverses The Dark Place. Mr. Door is undoubtedly angry at Alan for "opening doors and peeking in", but I don't think that's enough to get involved himself. Door is only in the story because of Saga/Logan, and Saga/Logan is in the story only because of Alan2. It would be fair to assume that the pages about Door were written by Alan2.
It's Not a Lake. It’s a bucket. I think it is correct to assume that, even though Alan1 was the one who first introduced Ahti in his manuscript, Alan2 wrote this page. It vaguely hints at who Ahti is and that he leaves puddles of water to connect to the Dark Place.
Third column in the table (why am I not sure who wrote these pages):
Dark Poem 1, Dark Poem 2, Dark Poem 3 [FD]. Doubts arose because in Initiation Alan2 said about Dark Poem 1 “Who was writing this poem?” Me? No.” and about Dark Poem 3 “It wasn’t my writing. I didn’t know what it was.”, but Alan2’s lack of memory of writing anything doesn’t prove a damn thing.
Breakthrough in the Lake House. Until the DLC comes out, there’s probably nothing to say here.
Ilmo Resists The Dark Presence. I'll start from afar here. Alan2 edits pages with deputies (Deputies Make A Grave Mistake, Deputies Corrupted, Deputies In The Morgue) for two reasons: 1) change the protagonist from Casey to Saga (while making deputies, who were already a bit of out-of-towners haters, much more unpleasant); 2) prepare for Saga the opportunity to get to the Overlap (connect deputies with the Huotari brothers and the well), and these edits do not change the point - Mulligan and Thornton in Alan1’s Return were initially corrupt (they accidentally kill Monica Thompson and hide her body; «Mulligan and Thornton's guilt was a door for the Dark Presence»). It follows from this that, since he already had corrupted Mulligan and Thornton, Alan1 didn’t really need corrupted Ilmo (or he knew/foresaw that he wouldn’t be able to change the nature of Ilmo), which means he himself could well have been the author of this pages. But I'm more inclined to believe that Alan2 wrote it, because the page has more connections with Huotari Overlap which he needed.
Now let's go through the pages and find out how Alan2 changed the story of Alan1. I won't go through all the pages because some of the edits are too obvious to discuss, and some of the pages contain edits that seem to be just for emphasis (and I don't understand if this is actually the case, or if there is a hidden meaning here that I, as a foreigner who does not speak English very well, am simply unable to understand). I definitely won’t go through the pages written by Alan2 about the Saga (except for The Trailer), we can perfectly see what is described on these pages with our own eyes in the game.
The Overlap and The Murder Sites. It was Alan1 who introduced the concept of the Overlaps and their connection with the Murder Sites. He lists the stories/legends/tales that Saga uses to enter the Overlaps, and the murder victims that Alan2 will find in the Dark Place to give Saga the items for the Overlap opening ritual. I'm struggling to understand what exactly Alan2 edited here and how it contradicted/interfered with what he scratched out. Someone please enlighten me. At the end of The Murder Sites, Alan2 clarifies how the Overlap functions, how reality twists and loops (we remember that the same thing happened in AWAN).
Thoughts on this subject:

He lists the stories/legends/tales that Saga uses to enter the Overlaps, and the murder victims that Alan2 will find in the Dark Place to give Saga the items for the Overlap opening ritual

Yes, Alan1 does this, but neither of these things happen in his Return. The murder sites are actually part of the Initiation, not the Return (although one can argue here - Alan in Writer's Journey came to the conclusion that the murder sites are previous drafts of his Return). And due to the fact that Alan2 wrote whole pages from scratch (ha!) about how Saga opens the Overlaps and enters them, and didn’t edit the existing ones, I can assume that Casey doesn’t do this at all in Alan1’s Return, and then the question arises: why did Alan1 introduce the concept of the Overlaps and their connection with the murder sites?
Saga Fights Nightingale With Light. Here Alan2 introduces a new protagonist - Saga - and a new rule: The Taken could not see what was in the bright light + small hints of the tale of the witch, which is necessary to enter the Overlap.
Saga Pursues Nightingale. Nightingale hid in a place that is similar in description to the Overlap, although Alan1 does not call it that (Alan2 lets Saga know this name early, perhaps so that it will be easier for her to work with the plot of the book). It is unknown whether Casey was supposed to go to Overlap in Alan1’s Return. Alan2 forces Saga to follow Nightingale to Cauldron Lake Overlap (as an FBI agent, she is obliged to protect people from Nightingale).
Saga At The General Store. Someone, most likely Casey, for some reason comes to the abandoned general store and runs into a cultist. Alan2 changes the character to Saga, who came here in pursuit of “it” - Nightingale’s heart.
Nightingale Enters The Lake. Here Alan1 simply describes what happened to Nightingale in the lake. Alan2’s edit is something of a hint at the instructions for Saga (“dig up” the page from Nightingale) - very late, because she finds the page already in the Overlap.
Nightingale In The Dark Place. It was Alan1 who introduced the concept of a dark city full of shadows, in which there is a subway with the Caldera Street Station, as well as the presence of a cult of the writer - the Cult of the Word. The cult forces Nightingale, who fiercely hates Alan Wake, to go after the Clicker. Alan2 with his edit hides “his words” - a page - in Nightingale’s chest for the Saga. Not sure about the "You're not allowed in the lake until he says otherwise" part.
Ed Returns To Cauldron Lake and Tammy Rides The Ferry. It looks like some of Alan2's edits are making references to what happened between Alan and Alice, albeit in a slightly different way: “Something authentic to himself”. – this is the problem with Alice and her photographs, which she talked about in her documentary; “Tammy had said some things. Things she regretted.” и “After the argument with Tammy, Ed stormed out of the diner” – Alan runs away from Alice after an argument in the cabin. Alan2's final edits in Ed Returns To Cauldron Lake may save Ed's life - I don't know what possible death awaited him, but Alan2 makes his fate at least uncertain. What is at least known is that he was not taken/touched by the Dark Presence, he was attacked by people with flashlights.
Cauldron Lake). Alan2's edits establish that the government surrounded the lake with a fence, citing volcanic gas. It also seems to me that Alan2, for some reason, makes the darkness from the lake too strong - so much so that it is already everywhere and nothing can stop it.
The Cult Of The Tree. Edit suggests that Alan2 “made” the cultists real people, and not just killers from an urban legend, but why did he do this if in other manuscripts of Alan1 the Cult is already perfectly revealed as an ordinary gathering of real people fighting the Taken and trying to protect their home (this is especially evident in The Cult Of The Tree Is Born and Koskelas Break Into The FBC Lab)?
Mocha's Funeral. Judging by how openly Ilmo speaks about the Grandmaster at the funeral, the entire staff of the Coffee World and all the bikers of the Kalevala Knights club (no surprise here) are members of the Cult of the Tree. Alan2 changed half the page to give Saga a hint on how to open the Watery Overlap (again too late, because the page can already be found in the Overlap).
The Cult Finds The Clicker. With his edit, Alan2 “obliged” the cultists to use the Clicker in their rituals of killing the Taken, so that he could subsequently deliver the manuscript inside Nightingale to Saga.
Koskelas Break Into The FBC Lab. Alan2 simplified for the Koskela brothers what happened to the people connected to the lake (those who went into the lake came out of it "bad"), and gave the Cult a reason to want to kill Alan Wake.
Thoughts on the Cult: Looking through all the pages with the Cult together (including The Cult Of The Tree Is Born), I noticed that Alan2 didn’t really change anything, just added a couple of phrases so that the story would go in the direction he wanted (so that the Saga could get into the Overlaps and help him), but at the same time the very essence of the Cult, written in Alan1’s Return, has not changed - albeit arrogant and awkward, led by a charismatic entrepreneur, it is just a group of residents of two towns who are fighting the horrors from the lake and trying to protect their home. They don't give me the impression of people who would kill a federal agent in a sacrificial ritual to free some writer from their haunted lake, like in the Zane's Yötön Yö movie. Was the history of the Cult always like this, and Alan1 simply “saw” it and described it without changing anything? Why are Alan1's cultists nothing like the cultists from Yötön Yö movie, even though the latter was supposed to be a companion piece to Return? Maybe Alan1 simply couldn't change reality in this way? Or did he just not want to? Was this one of the reasons to leave Zanе behind?
Deputies Make A Grave Mistake. Alan2 didn't edit much here other than a couple of glorifying (?) remarks about the Cult of the Tree, and I'm not sure what he wanted to achieve with this. Maybe he wanted to remind us that the Cult of the Tree was intended to be a group of protectors (even in Alan1’s Return), because on this page it is not very noticeable from the actions of Mulligan and Thornton? I don't know.
Deputies Corrupted. Alan2 does not change anything in the story of the two deputies becoming Taken, except for the second paragraph - he connects them with the Huotari brothers in an identical way of getting rid of corpses. It seems that Alan2 was completely satisfied with the story that Alan1 wrote for Mulligan and Thornton, since he barely edited it. Or maybe the story fit the rules of the Dark Place too much to be changed.
Deputies In The Morgue. Mulligan and Thornton were in the morgue and hated Alex Casey. He was a "government motherfucker" and they clearly had some reason to hate him. Alan2 deprived us of the opportunity to know this reason and what they wanted to tell him (a shame, because it could have been something very heartbreaking) by turning the focus to Saga. She, too, was a “government motherfucker,” and they had another reason to hate her. For deputies, Saga ended up in the same basket with the Bookers, and they were all despised together for being out-of-towners (or because they were black, depending on how you interpret it).
Thoughts about Mulligan and Thornton: before you start hating them with all your heart for racism or whatever, remember that the Dark Presence amplifies even the smallest dark traits to incredible proportions. Yes, they were out-of-towners haters, Thornton was absolutely not ashamed to say it out loud. But at the same time, before the story got to them, the same Thornton very sincerely and even somehow sweetly (and weirdly) thanked non-local Saga for the sunny weather (because the rain stopped when she and Casey arrived in Bright Falls). Yes, they were not good and nice people, but they were not that bad either. They were just very badly corrupted by the Dark Presence.
The Trailer. This page was written entirely by Alan2 about Saga. It is interesting because it is the only page that Alan2 read in the real world, and his knowledge of what happens in the Return is limited to only this page. And there is almost no information on it - there is Saga (he remembers Saga from the Overlaps), who stands in a trailer park in Watery and sees the Clicker in the hands of cultists of the Tree who wear deer masks. The horror story changes the life of Saga, who notices it. That's all. Alan2 doesn’t know/remember anything else. He doesn't remember the messages for Rose, he reacts strangely to accusations of Logan's death (as if he knows he did something terrible to the Saga’s family, but doesn't remember what exactly, and who even is there in this family), and he was able to mumble something about the Cult and the Clicker only because he read it on this page.
The Dark Presence Attacks. As I already wrote in my other post, this page possibly explains/establishes that Taken will now speak in manuscript quotes rather than everyday phrases from their lives. As for the edit, it seems to me that Alan2 is simply adding here and there the theme of drowning in darkness and water=darkness, which is already permeated throughout Alan1’s Return.
Watery). According to Alan2's edits, most of the population left Watery, and only the most stubborn remained. This seems to create a more favorable environment for the creation and functioning of the Cult, as well as making things easier for the Saga (fewer people means fewer new Taken in the forest). Alan2 also gives credit to the Koskela brothers for keeping the town afloat and “warding off the impending darkness with their ventures", also confirming the success of Coffee World, although not sufficient to save the town.
Coffee World Attacked. It is not clear why this page is called that, because for both Alan1 and Alan2 it’s just the story of a girl, Anna, who stared at the darkness in a well and fell into it. The attack is supposed to happen after or because of this, but there is nothing on the page itself that matches the name. And also this edit - “Smiled until her face hurt.” What is it for? What is it supposed to mean? What does it mean for the story? And Alan2 also scratched out a whole paragraph after that. What was there that was unimportant for the story?
Barry's Struggles With Artists. According to Alan1, Barry got himself convinced that all the nightmares he’d seen leading up to Alan Wake drowning himself were just his imagination, and now he takes pills to sleep normally. Alan2 clarifies a couple of hard truths about himself - in addition to several unhealthy addictions and manic-depressive behavior (he diagnosed himself with bipolar disorder, just like that?), he had "an on-off death wish" that Barry witnessed (does this mean that in the old days Alan actually tried to kill himself and Barry was there and stopped him, or am I making this up, mixing up a death wish with suicide attempts?). Also, according to Alan2's edit, whatever the Andersons brothers did during their concerts, it caused Barry to start remembering the nightmares of Bright Falls.
Building The Valhalla Nursing Home. Alan1 writes into the story an old mansion in Bright Falls (however, without indicating anywhere who owned this mansion), which, by order of Barry, with money from the Return comeback tour and sales of their Greatest Hits album, was refitted into the Valhalla Nursing Home for Odin and Tor in 2014. Alan2 prepares a new Overlap (“the leaks started appearing”), and also relieves Barry of his guilt towards the Andersons (and Alan Wake, possibly) and drives Barry away from Bright Falls, away from trouble, so that Barry can begin a new part of his life.
Tor Is Bewitched. Alan1 established that Tor was indeed in love with Cynthia. Alan2 made it clear that Tor can't become a Taken (but the darkness can kill him in other ways), and also that Tom – that is, Alan Wake - is coming back, and someone other than the old Andersons must help him , and so Tor calls Saga. Alan2 also writes that Cynthia “wanted a song” (Anger’s Remorse) - this is her way of ruining Tor and dragging him into the Dark Place to keep him away from Saga.
Odin Stuck In Bed. Here Alan2's edits reveal Saga's family ties to the Anderson brothers.
Cynthia Corrupted. Cynthia's corruption doesn't seem to be able to be changed, so Alan2 doesn't do it, he just adds "lore" to tie the local story to the murder site in the Dark Place (the man in the bathroom who said “This will put a smile back on your face, my dear” is the Devil from The Cult play who killed the actress in the bathroom at the Oceanview Hotel).
Cynthia And Tom. In Alan1's Return, Thomas Zane had enemies, according to Cynthia Weaver, and she had to "deal with" one of them, an unknown man (this could have been Casey, the book's protagonist). Alan2 makes Tor this "enemy" so that Saga has a reason to go to the Overlap. Also, as with the previous page, the middle paragraph edit connects the story to the murder site in the Dark Place (New York, hotel, bathroom).
Cynthia's Lamp. It was Alan1 who introduced into the story the lamp of Thomas Zane with a cut wire and a missing switch (there is no specific description of the lamp), which was very dear to Cynthia. Something or someone took the lamp (we will never know) to push Cynthia further into corruption. Alan2 makes Rose an unwitting “criminal”, who, confident that Cynthia will not mind (she already has many lamps), following Alan Wake’s instructions in her dreams, sends this lamp through the garden pond - now it is an Angel Lamp with invisible light - in a shoebox to him in the Dark Place for help. Also, according to his edit, this is Alan Wake sent messages to Rose (how and when he did it is a completely different question).
Bright Falls). Alan2 added this edit «The town expected a lot of tourists this year.» and I just can’t understand why Alan2, so horrified by Alan1’s Return, decided to bring more potential victims to Bright Falls.
Rose At Bingo Night. By the way, on this page for the first and only time, except for the Final Draft, Ahti appears in the manuscript of Alan1’s Return. Why did Alan1 deliberately put Ahti in the story? To somehow limit him? Or was he obliged to put him in the story because Ahti was already in Watery? Alan2 introduces the concept of the Hero that Rose is waiting for into the story for the first time. Also, this bingo night becomes the starting point for this whole unpleasant event with Tor, Cynthia and the Overlap.
Sheriff's Station Attacked. According to Alan1, «the Oldest House had gone dark». So far, no one knows what this should mean and since when it has been happening. Alan2 confirms that he, a parautilitarian, is in FBC custody. According to his edits, the Dark Presence's attack began from inside the sheriff's station.
Scratch On The Hunt. The page describes Scratch (who is the Dark Presence in Alan2's meatsuit) walking through the forest surrounded by the Taken, craving the Clicker. Signpost in hand and music starting to play ahead indicate that Dark Ocean Summoning begins at this moment. This is the only page that mentions Scratch in both versions of Return (also remember that Ilmo said he didn't see any pages with that name). I believe that with the second edit on this page - "Let the final Deerfest commence" - Alan2 set the approximate time of Scratch's rampage in freedom - right before Deerfest, so that he or Saga would have some time to prepare. I'm not sure if the first edit was supposed to have the same purpose.
So, we're done with the pages. Now let's summarize all the events and lore established in Alan1’s Return:

• Bright Falls is preparing for the 81st Deerfest. People are alarmed, whispering about new murders. The police patrol every night. Rain is forecast. The light seems dimmer. Floodwater pressed in on the town, and the shadows poured in with it.
• Watery is going through tough times. The lumber mill closed long ago, and the popularity of fishing had waned. The Kalevala Knights motorcycle club built parade floats. The bikers repaired vehicles and volunteered locally. But it wouldn't be enough.
• In Bright Falls and Watery there are tales/urban legends about a ghost of a witch ripping a man's heart from his chest, about two brothers murdering their neighbors and hiding the bodies in a well and about a young woman haunting the flooded bunker where she drowned. The Overlaps may appear in places associated with this tales.
• In the Dark Place there is a dark New York with the Caldera Street Station and the Cult of the Word.
• Once upon a time, Ilmo and Jaakko Koskela entered the FBС lab, learned from the files about “The Shadow”, Hartman, Jagger, learned that Alan Wake went into the lake and got rid of Jagger using the Clicker. They sabotaged the FBC monitoring station so that it would warn them about things coming out of the lake. They later created the Cult of the Tree, whose purpose is to protect Bright Falls and Watery from Taken and hunt them.
• Barry Wheeler, with the help of a psychologist, convinced himself that the nightmarish events of 2010, including the self-drowning of Alan Wake, were his imagination. Now he takes pills to sleep normally.
• Barry Wheeler managed the Old Gods of Asgard for a couple of years and they released a couple of songs and did a Return comeback tour. But after every gig and the party that followed, it took them weeks to bounce back, and, fearing that another of his clients would die, Barry canceled the tour.
• There was an old mansion in Bright Falls (nowhere in the manuscript is it stated who the owner of this mansion was), which, by order of Barry, with money from the Return comeback tour and sales of their Greatest Hits album, was refitted into the Valhalla Nursing Home for Odin and Tor in 2014. Rose works there when she's not working as a waitress at a diner, and the old people play bingo. One of the residents is Ahti. He constantly takes Vladimir Bloom's work clothes without asking and wears them.
• The Clicker washed up on the shore of Cauldron Lake and was picked up by the cultists.
• The Oldest House had gone dark.
• Brothers Koskela and Kalevala Knights are preparing for the parade. Mocha the Moose died. His skull was to become "the crown of the grandmaster."
• Nightingale was sent for the Clicker.
• Nightingale is “killed” on the same day that Casey and his partner arrive in Bright Falls. They find a page from a manuscript.
• Casey fights Nightingale with light in the autopsy room.
• Nightingale is in a place, «where some other strange reality, the Dark Place, merged with ours».
• Someone (Casey?) met a cultist in a general store.
• Ed Booker drove to the lake to "prove his point." Tammy Booker stood on the ferry. There was no argument between them.
• Deputies Mulligan and Thornton, members of the Cult of the Tree, accidentally killed Monica Thompson and hid her body. They despise Casey (for an unknown reason), and later become Taken due to their guilt over killing Monica.
• Anna in Coffee World fell into the Huotari Well.
• ·Bailey encounters "a glitching cloud, a dark boiling monster", and becomes Taken.
• The garden lights started to flicker, the darkness and rain pressing against the windows of the Valhalla Nursing Home.
• Cynthia Weaver lost her lantern, lost Tom's Angel Lamp, drowned in the bathtub, became Taken. She had to deal with one of the “Tom’s enemies” - some man (possibly Casey).
• Tor Anderson fell in love with Cynthia. Something happened, his mind became clouded, and he was “dragged into darkness.”
• The “ocean of dark water” pressed on Odin Anderson; he couldn’t get out of bed and felt that Tor was being dragged into darkness.
• Gail Barrows, with a tumor in his left lung, become Taken at the Wellness Center.
• Emmett Elwood become Taken.
• FBC located in the sheriff's station. There was some equipment and boxes set up in the backlot. FBC agents included Young and Estevez. Estevez wanted “everything ready.” Something in the dark was approaching agent Young from the backlot.
• Scratch stalked through the forest along with his Taken on a leash, craving the Clicker – “a detonator to send out a tidal wave that would spread to overtake reality”. He let the Taken off the leash and tore the signpost out of the ground. Music started playing ahead, and It called him on.
• Deerfest, where everyone celebrates the writing of Return.

Having roughly sketched out the events known to us, described and left untouched in Alan1’s Return (the lore pages can be anywhere, this is how books are written, but I put them at the very beginning so that they don’t get in the way), we get something like this:
https://preview.redd.it/nvxfmi9gq1uc1.png?width=2955&format=png&auto=webp&s=8aaf9140ed4e4b0df943f8a788de0c6753cf3f0b
Reality undergoes changes gradually, not all at once, and the events and changes we observe in the game are reality written by two Alans. But it is known that Alan2 didn’t have time to edit (or even read) the entire manuscript, so at some point reality would have to change only in accordance with what Alan1 wrote (which we have no idea about, because Saga didn’t come across a single page from that part of the manuscript... how suspicious). How exactly this was supposed to happen, we are not allowed to find out, because the Clicker, creating the “Deerfest ending”, forcibly made everything that happened before it canon, and, most likely, removed all the extraneous things that were required to achieve this ending by a long way without the Clicker (after all, the goal has already been achieved). According to the comments of "readers" of Return at Deerfest, Saga was indeed Casey's dear partner, she was "losing her family" and was "left to die in the lake", and meetings in the Overlaps actually happened, as did Dark Ocean Summoning.
The story about Casey was written by Alan1, but we haven't even seen a third of it. Alan2 has changed too many things in the story. We are left with only a bunch of unanswered questions:

• Why did Alan1 write about the Overlaps and Murder Sites, which only Alan2 needed to talk to Saga, when Casey didn’t interact with them in any way in his Return? Could Alan1 have foreseen what exactly Alan2 would edit? Did he know how Alan2 would get out of the lake? How did Alan1 himself even plan to get out? With the help of Dark Ocean Summoning, which he could have known about, because Scratch on the Hunt suggests that in Alan1’s Return Dark Ocean Sumoning did happen (music, Scratch with a signpost in his hand)? And if so, could he also have known that the Dark Presence would get out with him?
• Who exactly was this Clicker-obsessed Scratch from the Scratch on the Hunt page to Alan1, and how did he end up in the real world in his Return?
• What exactly was Casey supposed to be doing in this book? The Return was a story about him, but Alan retyped and edited almost everything about the book's protagonist, so we were left with no pages that clearly described what he was supposed to do after the events in the morgue.
• Were Alan1's Return and Yötön Yö really connected that much, and at what point in the writing of the book did Alan1 decide not to work with Zane anymore?
• At what point in the manuscript did Alan2 stop when he didn’t have time to edit (and even read to the end) Alan1’s Return and he was shot by himself?

I have no idea how to end posts like this. Thanks to those who read all this.

hello,
i will preface this by saying that i don't have more than a surface level understanding of the enneagram and i haven't taken the test, but i tried my best to give a good amount of information about myself for you guys to analyze.
so, ive recently graduated as an english major and am currently working as a grant writing intern, but im looking forward to building my reputation, career, and salary for a stronger sense of stability.
i think that my value for financial security comes from my dad. my value for work ethic and my optimistic view of effort for effort sake comes from my mom.
i also value art and identity. for example, i was raised in a catholic household and even though i no longer associate with the spiritual/conservative aspects of it (mainly due to conflicts with my sexuality), i continue to participate for the sake of my very religious family; this is important to me because catholicism is part of “my story”, and it’s not something i feel that i can get rid of entirely.
i’m a writer and i’m always trying to make perfect narrative sense out of my life/identity trough material motifs (style, decor, etc), and by having faith in a constant cycle of action and hindsight. even though i know narrative sense is probably impossible in real life, and that constantly seeking it often makes me overthink, i don’t know if i can live any other way. it is both a miserable and cathartic way to live lol.
i don’t have many friends and even though i can be very charismatic and i love my friends and family, im known to be a ghost. i value my alone time and privacy, so much so that even being on social media can be socially draining for me. i think my love language is quality time and gift giving. i prefer seeing people in person and only when i look and feel presentable. i also like to remember things about my friends and then give them gifts or engage in bits that are related to their passions as a way of showing that i listen and care, (often in reconciliation for being such an unreachable and avoidant individual lol).
i’ve been told that im a people pleaser all my life. i really don’t like conflict and i am known as a peacekeeper. i am very patient with others and im usually emotionally detached whenever there’s an argument. i try to bring optimism and lightheartedness to dramatic squabbles because that energy tends to help friends and family calm down and let go of whatever anger or reservations they have towards the person they were arguing with.
conflict resolution is important to me, not because i actually care about whether or not other people maintain their relationships, but because it think it’s really annoying and anxiety inducing. like, please either get along or cut them out i don’t care.
i sound very harsh and blunt, but i’ve been told by everyone i know that i’m very approachable. i never raise my voice, i refuse to be a hater, and i hold myself to very high standards. i also don’t like to judge people unless their behavior is genuinely harmful to others. i’ve been told that i have motherly vibes, but also child-like vibes. i don’t know how those work together but i’d say that’s a fair description lol. i love taking care of others but i also like to be a bit of a silly prankster.
due to my english major, i can be very creative. i love to write anything and everything: poems, songs, short stories, books, essays, journals, etc.
my favorite books have been: station eleven, neverwhere, the shining, beloved, alice in wonderland, frankenstein, sense and sensibility, great expectations, cloud cukooland, the schwa was here, bridge to terabithia, and spoonbenders.
my favorite movies are: kiki’s delivery service, mulan, coraline, prince of egypt, luca, fantastic mr fox, into the spiderverse, jurassic park, pirates of the carribian, breakfast club, the devil wears prada, and black swan.
here is a quote that i say a lot. i truly believe that, “life is about experiences”, and here's the bonus version i used when i went to the hospital last year, “life is about experiences, not all of them are good.” lmao.
also, i want to emphasize that i don’t really care how you guys type me, especially when im usually in control of how im perceived by others and by myself. i’m just very curious about this enneagram stuff and i want to see if there’s any value in it for me.
thank you!

My brain cannot get the hits of dopamine Nechrochasm gives me enough. I’ve ran it in Crucible, raids, and dungeons. I shamelessly paid real money for the Corrupted Logic skin. I’ve seen (wrong) claims about Nechrochasm being a mid-tier exotic, and this thread is to prove all the haters wrong! Nechrochasm is a viable alternative to the meta and to any alternative exotic.
First, it’s interaction with Stasis:
Nechrochasm will cast its poison onto nearby frozen targets and ice structures making for a whopping when popping that ice.
Second:
Its ability to steal kills from your fellow guardians who are trying to proc their own effects. With Nechrochasm, you own the battlefield. You can’t steal kills that were always yours to take.
Third:
It’s uncanny ability to cast its poison onto environmental objects that you didn’t want to touch.
Duality’s bells and Root of Nightmare’s orbs are both impacted by Nechro’s poison tick. You may receive grief for “hurting the team”, “ruining the run”, or receive threats for “changing or be kicked”, but that’s the price of taming the beast, baby. Ride or die.
My favorite location I see Nechrochasm shine is the Planetarium or whatever it’s called in Root or Nightmares. Pop one of those psions and watch the fireworks.
And finally, a poem:
“Please Switch to Damage”
Grey, green, And death coming like red rover
Game’s rated Teen, So the blood won’t run over
50 in the mag, Only one will I need
I missed all my shots, Died, gambit boss will l feed
I cannot change guns, And I cannot change minds
A lonely path, will it take Desperation will I find?
I’m a hindrance to the team, They complain louder than a squall
Please guys, let me just proc it it once Bungie where’s my one for thrall?
“It’s an exotic” nobody wants to fathom
But I’ll still be here rocking My freakin’ Nechrochasm.

We return to the question. Why disavow Heidegger’s Nietzsche? Perhaps because Heidegger’s reading of Nietzsche makes BAP’s totally superfluous, subsuming BAP’s project. Utterly spoiling it in the process.
Heidegger’s Nietzsche is a Metaphysical or Speculative one. The psychological, the moral, and by extension the political… become subsidiary to this metaphysical project. This engenders a ‘have it your way’ approach to Nietzsche. Obviously being metaphysical one simply need meet Nietzsche at the metaphor. Surely there is probably a number of aphorisms we can draw from to support the apolitical Nietzsche. The 20th century criticisms of Nietzsche that had honed in on this undeniably Aristocratic and (in a general sense-) reactionary, in short, Rightwing base… can be cast away as examples of Hegelian-Arboralist influenced Marxist Totalitarian dogmatism. The New Left hoovered all the Nietzsche they could. For the proliferation of a Nietzsche friendly to Progressivism and the formation of a “Post-Marxist” Euro and Anglo-American Left or Modern Liberalism, we can thank not only Gilles Deleuze’s virulent “interpretation” or Walter Kauffman’s selective translation, but also Martin Heidegger who gives to us a purely philosophical Nietzsche. Defanged and de-clawed.
In The Word of Nietzsche Heidegger writes the following,
"Into the position of the vanished authority of God and of the teaching office of the Church steps the authority of conscience, obstrudes the authority of reason. Against these the social instinct rises up. The flight from the world into the suprasensory is replaced by historical progress. The otherworldly goal of everlasting bliss is transformed into the earthly happiness of the greatest number. The careful maintenance of the cult of religion is relaxed through enthusiasm for the creating of a culture or the spreading of civilization. Creativity, previously the unique property of the biblical god, becomes the distinctive mark of human activity. Human creativity finally passes over into business enterprise."
Can't have one without the other and without the gap that exists between them.
Consider the Centralized State as Metaphor. It is an Ethic. Recall the centrality of Transvaluation or Revaluation in Nietzsche's project. Like all States and like all Ethics, its disclosure is its own Substance. Poetry. Without this poetry, Nietzsche is bloodless. You're just using big magic to reanimate his corpse. An animatronic that is fed, and which then proceeds to regurgitate, aphorisms.
Have to go at it with a hammer and a tuning fork.
The difference between the Values of Nietzsche's Strong Pessimism and the Weak Pessimism of Schopenhauer rests on the question of Will. Of life. As you pointed out, politically both Left and Right, are constituted by living beings. Aliveness is Will and to Will is to Strive. This is where we locate the aperture or the schism.
The distinction between one and the other.
From Heidegger's The Word of Nietzsche,
"Preservation and enhancement mark the fundamental tendencies of life, tendencies that belong intrinsically together. To the essence of life belongs the will to grow, enhancement. Every instance of life-preservation stands at the service of life-enhancement. Every life that restricts itself to mere preservation is already in decline. The guaranteeing of space in which to live, for example, is never the goal for whatever is alive, but is only a means of life-enhancement."
and
"Values, as points-of-view, guide seeing "with respect to complex forms." This seeing is at any given time a seeing on behalf of a view-to-life that rules completely in everything that lives. In that it posits the aims that are in view for whatever is alive, life in its essence, proves to be value-positing (cf. Will to Power, Aph. 556, 1885-86)"
I don't think you can really engage with Nietzsche without taking seriously the question of generations, of breeding, and of the Construction (re-construction, it is the same but it is different) and Transmission of Values to the Coming Generations. Homo Superior. Perhaps this is why the Metaphor should never be assumed from the outset. Underdeveloped it’s a literal-literary abstraction. We have to develop the courage to take people at their word and judge. Only then can we begin the process of coming to the Concrete Metaphor.
And why does it even matter? Why should Nietzsche be recognized as a Man of the Right?
Removing the Aristocratic element of Nietzsche's thought reduces him into the Philosopher of Cope, of the Lovelorn and the Suffering, is to treat Nietzsche as a pitiful thing. Sympathetic at his expense. Can't have Nietzsche without Agonism. Can't have Self-Overcoming without Agony. That a baby is born covered in blood, crying. Can't have the One without the Other. Have to be able to tell the difference. That's God-Building 101.
As it relates to Nietzsche’s project. What is the son of a Lutheran pastor to do after Humanity has murdered God?
If you are the child of a fisherman you'd likely do well simply being a fisherman. Your values are the product of your environment, of your struggles, of your relationship with your tools and your setting. Generations of fisherman produces exemplar fisherman. This transmission of value is in the most concrete sense the Genesis of his Fate. Generations of serfs begets future serfs and a continuation of the morality of serfs. "Turn the other cheek, keep your head down, God is on our side... simply wait, that your Lord will receive you into his House when the time comes by virtue of simply believing in Him. No you don't have to die violently. Martyrdom is an option, if you want to kill yourself, martyrdom is the sanctioned method. Remember also, the only thing you can ever truly hope to control is your reaction to things, consider that maybe you are the cause of your own suffering." This is the morality of serfs or slaves. Nietzsche doesn't consider the workers or the peasants as capable of producing a healthy guiding Value (or Ethic) for Society. Let the shopkeeper be a shopkeeper, the fisherman be a fisherman, the baker be a baker, to cobbler a cobbler, the soldier a soldier, etc... let people do what they have always done. That they've learned how to dwell in it. New generations come into existence. The inheritors of our will. Of our pneuma, the fiery breath. We conspire with generations past. By noticing the disparity, by noticing the lack in our Present Value and looking at the still surface of fountain, we communicate with the Past. In striving we bring about the Future.
Now what is the son of a Pastor to do? In a World where God is Dead? Which is to say, a World which is no longer a World, which has instead taken the character of the decay corpse of a suicide, dangling by its own logic, not yet discovered? What is to be Done?
The casual response now is, "be what you want to be. Follow your Star." This I think is too American (contrasting Nietzsche with Emerson). No many will have to toil in their particular form of suffering. Nietzsche absolutely views it of the upmost importance that many remain slaves in order for few to remain artists and those who try to be anything other than what they had been born into, should by Nietzsche’s estimation, be repressed. They deserve it, as Nature has ordained it.
Nietzsche is not pro-Social Mobility. And is even less so sympathetic to Socialism, on principle, because Socialism seeks to alleviate suffering. Make no mistake, Nietzsche isn’t arguing that many should suffer so that a few might avoid suffering but rather that suffering varies, different peoples are bred for different kinds of suffering. Again we return to Schopenhauer’s Aesthetics. Only a genius is capable of recognizing the Idea of Beauty in Nature and the genius is always in the minority and the perquisite for the genius’ recognition is the genius’ suffering. Nietzscheanism is at its core sadomasochistic.
Both the Historical Left and Right can be broadly understood as "Post-Napoleonic". Emerging out of the dust kicked up by the passage of the World-Spirit mounted on a white charger. In whose wake the French Revolution was transmuted into La Grand Armée. The French Republic transmuted into Universal Empire and the remnant patchwork of Latin Feudal-Christendom, bitterly divided along the lines of the Reformation and Counter-Reformation, transmuted into Modern European Nation-States. After the fracturing and sublation of the old Feudal Relations of Production into the newer Capitalist one. To speak of Property is to speak of the Means of Production, in terms of what you own and what you don't own and who ultimately has a Natural (read Divine) claim over it. The Left upholding the Ideal of Universal Recognition or to be more precise, of Universal Citizenship and Democracy. Regardless of Class (Race), regardless of origin. The son of a pig farmer or of a fisherman can become a high-ranking military officer, or hold a high-ranking government position. Everyone either has the right or is granted by Virtue of being a Citizen of the Revolutionary State, to an education and healthcare and access to other common goods, and to own Property (read also, their Means of Production or Sustenance). Everyone has, in legal terms, Equal Representation. What applies to one, applies to all. This Revolutionary State is the Universal and Homogenous State. The Right on the other hand emphasizes inequality/disparity, hierarchy and inheritance. Central to this is the Metaphysical and Jurisprudential question of Property and of Administration. Liberal we share a common cultus. Common consensus. The same Metaphysical or Jurisprudential base, that being the Natural Right of Property. At this point in the conversation we cannot escape Liberalism. Bonapartism and the responses to it, constitute Actual Existing Liberalism.
It should hopefully become clear why we need to establish "the Left-Right dichotomy". Obvious. What sort of Society would you like to see come into existence? What is beyond Left or Right in terms of "Will to Power" from this perspective, is the Act of Revolution itself. But what comes after the Revolution?
Taken from a certain perspective, we might go so far as to posit that Nietzsche’s formulation of Ressentiment is meant to contaminate the individual’s self-consciousness, our little narcissistic loop, by amplifying this self-consciousness, making us acutely aware of it, becoming fixated on our subjectivity and the proceeding disavowal aka becoming fixated on the other’s fantasy and the other’s motives and the other’s subjectivity. How do you refute an eye disease? Obviously they’re envious and seething. Taken this way Nietzsche’s concept of Ressentiment is like a parasitic elemental. Anyone capable of love, gestates ressentiment. Obviously, you think about the object of your love, over and over and over again, and you feel. The trick with the Ressentiment Mind Virus, is that it’s a lot like the hashtag, think of BLM. Consider how this hashtag was manufactured and used as a virtual receptacle for growing social antagonism, how it spread, how it was legally registered and utilized by NPOs-NGOs in conjunction with crafty politicians and real estate developers and large corporations, lots of people made lots of money, and how any shady bullshit on their part was covered over by… “Well listen I’m not a piece of shit, I think Black Lives Matter is a sentiment worth affirming given the recent public executions we’ve all been witnessing, I’m against racial prejudice, against public executions of anyone by law enforcement, and pro- letting a segment of the population know that their lives matter. And maybe you just have some unexamined hatred of Black People, which leads you to react as viciously and cynically as you’re reacting. Oh No Lives Matter how quaint and stylish and nihilistic you miserable fuck, I bet you feel super satisfied. I bet your asshole puckered when you uttered that statement you pseud. Unlike you I’m not stuck in a hyper-liberal coastal media bubble, I get to see in real time how utterly vile the racial animosity is and how many actual White Supremacist organizations are very obviously using this as an opportunity to gain influence and gain a following amongst subclinical autistic White and off-White teenagers. And yes it’s obvious that those actual organizations are run by Feds I’m under zero illusions. Also, I’m sorry for not taking it as a given, that the historical black neighbors in my city that haven’t been gentrified look like post-apocalyptic war zones, because... ‘that’s just how black people are’…. ah you have some graphs to show me, cool you’re impressed by graphs and feel a mixture of intellectual superiority and narcissistic rage when morality is rhetorically deployed…because at the end the day you’re a piece of shit who wants the conversation to gravitate around you while simultaneously realizing how bad it looks that your knee jerk response to a video of a public execution performed by a cop is to immediately make it about yourself by adopting a contrarian ‘amoral ur-moralizing’ stance, and you know it but still obviously feel profound narcissistic injury when it’s even so much as implied. Hey sorry I’m not a 160 IQ autist. Ah cool…you’re wanting to debate me on every Facebook post, and if it isn’t a debate it’s a pithy statement, and you only ever deign to communicate with me over this subject. Nice, let me guess, in order to assert the validity of your current stance, you’ve provoked a ton of people online into tell you a bunch of wretched dehumanizing shit, you get the Double Affirmation right you wretched pervert? At once, you get to feel vindicated in your stance through this social media martyrdom AND you get to reinforce your feeling that those other people who don’t agree with you are evil sociopathic pieces of shit which justifies your own cruelty towards people who fall in that camp. So now I’m the placeholder for that. You’re obviously sub-tweeting me. Because you feel like shit you have to go to work to let me know that I am shit… listen go fuck yourself.” It’s wild the kind of repercussions this can have, at like a professional and social level. Can make a strong case that a concept like Ressentiment operates in this manner. On a very rudimentary level, it speaks to common anxieties surrounding Envy. An understanding of envy’s destructive potential is nigh universal. Any and all attempts at revolutionary transformation or even simple Reforms are for Nietzsche the result of ressentiment and how convenient… ressentiment is always what your political opponents are animated by. The low who hate the high, the ugly who resent the beautiful. Don’t these people know that suffering is actually great and ennobling, that one must love suffering, love Fate? BAP’s use of the concept is a little subtler than a Jordan Peterson’s for instance. But it’s more or less the same bullshit. It's a gorgoneion. How about this, I am in fact incredibly resentful. This element of Nietzscheanism has been utterly diffused in public discourse. The truth of it is that it deflates Politics altogether. Encourages you to speculate and give-in to subjective motives and the fantasy of the other’s fantasy. While ignoring the objective material conditions. Given the choice to gossip about another’s devious interior motives and shove your head up your own ass for a good bout of self-reflection and self-loathing OR address objective socioeconomic and political conditions, most won’t even hear the latter option, the latter option is far too painful…. Ah…
“Now I bid you lose me and find yourselves; and only when you have all denied me will I return to you.” Thus Spake Zarathustra
How do we bring the New Man into Existence?
BAP in his Red Scare appearance recommends Genealogy of Morals... At no point in that text, does Nietzsche argue that the issues of his time are the result of economic factors or economic exploitation or the unjust inequality of man which must be addressed for justice’s sake. Instead Nietzsche speaks in biological terms. Nietzsche speaks of illness. People living in climates that they shouldn't be living in. Different races have mixed and this is a vital point to keep in mind, for Nietzsche class difference are a matter of race. Those born into a higher class are the descendants of conquerors and they had once received the values of those conquering ancestors, while those born into the lower classes are the descendants of the conquered. The Middle Class or Bourgeoisie (the shopkeeper) are Hybrids... this hybridity is an issue.
Performing another act of bibliomancy, this time with the Basic Writings of Nietzsche I come to this passage from Genealogy of Morals.
"The "well-born" felt themselves to be the "happy"; they did not have to establish their happiness artificially by examining their enemies, or to persuade themselves, deceive themselves, that they were happy (as all men of ressentiment are in the habit of doing); and they likewise knew, as rounded men replete with energy and therefore necessarily active, that happiness should not be sundered from action - being active was with them necessarily a part of happiness (whence eu pratein <*11. To do well in the sense of faring well> takes its origin) - all very much the opposite of "happiness" at the level of the impotent, the oppressed, and those in whom poisonous and inimical feelings are festering, with whom it appears as essentially narcotic, drug, rest, peace, "sabbath," slackening of tension and relaxing of limbs, in short passively.
While the noble man lives in trust and openness with himself (gennaois "of noble descent" underlines the nuance "upright" and probably also "naïve"), the man of ressentiment is neither upright nor naïve, nor honest and straightforward with himself. His soul squints; his spirit loves hiding places, secret paths, and back doors, everything covert entices him as his world, his security, his refreshment; he understands how to keep silent, how not to forget, how to wait, how to be provisionally self-deprecating and humble."
The Aristocratic element matters. You can't have Nietzsche's Opus without it. You cannot Overcome it if you do not acknowledge it and treat it, not as a metaphor, but as a bit of speculative literalism. As it relates to BAP, I like this because he begins at the source and converses with Nietzsche rather than consulting Nietzsche's commentators. He sets about the task of re-visioning Nietzsche, restating Nietzsche in his own terms, in order to break from Nietzsche and assert his own autonomy and the originality of his own Project. As the student of Nietzsche is compelled to do. You can't hope to do this with the Nietzsche filtered through Bataille and Deleuze on the Left or Evola and Strauss on the Right. Heidegger famously said, and I'm paraphrasing here, that the highest compliment one can pay a thinker is to think with them. To think of someone. To be fascinated by them. Seduced by them. To misunderstand them... is to ensoul the world.
Nietzsche is Aristocratic. Nietzsche is Rightwing in so far as Nietzsche affirms Inheritance. By that alone he is Rightwing and he was recognized as such. The Historical position of the Left totally discards Inheritance in favor of Universal Recognition. Nietzsche stands alongside a whole host of other thinkers who'd been recognized as Rightwing before WWII, and who were either de-fanged and re-packaged or totally buried, especially if they were German (how many people in the Anglophone world know about Ludwig Klages? Ludwig Klages who would be considered the worst nightmare of any American Christian Republican, more so even than a Nietzsche).
BAP is the death-knell of Modern American Conservatism. Rejoice. You should be afraid.
Again there is a Philosophy informing Bronze Age Mindset, but I'm not sure the text itself is attempting to "sell" that philosophy though it appears to be profoundly informed by it. Not in any spooky sense. I think the "fascism" of Bronze Age Mindset is anything but crypto, it's explicit. The pelt of the Nemean Lion wrapped around the vascular and well-sculpted frame of the Hero. The Philosophy itself isn't that wild or arousing. Conservative insofar as it advocates for and defends moderation. By virtue of its moderate and ennobling character, it's best for it to remain "Esoteric" seeing as BAP isn't presented as an old sage, but as something youthful and timeless and demonic. It's supposed to be frightening but also comical. Like a masquerade dancer in some old festival, mantled by a lascivious and mischievous sylvan devil.
According to this tradition of philosophy, the tyrant is understood to be a fallen philosopher who had decided to enact their philosophical conclusions through the sphere of politics. Philosophy politically enacted and imposed can and will produce tyranny. It answers Marx's proclamation in the 11th Thesis on Feuerbach, "Philosophers have hitherto only interpreted the world in various ways; the point is to change it" in the negative.
Instead the Philosopher is compelled to defend the Tradition of Philosophy itself.
"...the philosopher as such is concerned with nothing but the quest for wisdom and kindling or nourishing the love of wisdom in those who are by nature capable of it... insofar as the philosopher...becomes concerned with being recognized by others, he ceases to be a philosopher... the concern of recognition detracts from the singleness of purpose which is characteristic of the philosopher. It blurs his vision. This fact is not a variance with the other fact that high ambition is frequently a sign by which one can recognize the potential philosopher. But to the extent to which high ambition is not transformed into full devotion to the quest for wisdom, and to the pleasures which accompany that quest, he will not become an actual philosopher."- Leo Strauss, On Tyranny
Not everyone is meant to be a philosopher and that's fine. The philosopher isn't just a rando who occasionally reads about philosophical texts. The philosopher is engaged, fully, with a Tradition. With a Way of Being that has a Canon and a Continuity. Philosophy should exist. Its need is never exhausted but we are confronted by the sense that it is in fact, dead, and in need of reviving.
We begin at the body. At the recognition of the Beauty in the Body. This recognition is premised upon the realization that we aren’t looking the way we’d like to look. We look at our reflection and see something undesirable but perceive something beautiful hidden within the flabs. In the gymnasium we suffer. In a visceral manner. It’s difficult to seethe like Schopenhauer seethed. Wordceling, being an inherently plebeian and feminizing activity, invites feminine and plebeian ressentiment. Left to the devices of our own fantasies we can’t help but appraise others with a mix of pity and envy or outright hate. It’s harder to do this with physical activity. BAP points out in his Red Scare that fat is visible. Being visible it’s something that you’re immediately confronted by in the mirror, you can delude yourself regarding fatness, but perhaps you feel terrible because you yourself consider fatness to be something unattractive and rather than psychically torturing yourself by grappling with this “interiorized fatphobia” you might instead go on a dietary and exercise regiment. Lose weight and then gain muscle. Capable of effecting change in accordance with some ideal-erotic ideal of self. And unlike the agony generated by thinking, the anguish brought about by physical activity tends to elicit a compensatory biochemical response. Exercise increases norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine. Effectively banishes low-grade malaise and misery. And you become more attractive. Likewise you open yourself up to admiring the attractiveness of others and appreciating their own commitment to suffering in order to bring into Reality an Ideal and if you’re particularly contemplative and clever you’ll note the connection between the erotic fantasy and the philosophical ideal. The well-sculpted and skillful Other as an Eroticized, Aestheticized, and Idealized Object. Gain a special insight on the Ladder of Love. Working out also shifts the emphasis from a narcissistic fixation on the ugliness of past to a potential future, a Beauty yearning to be brought-forth. And it isn’t a “discarding” of the past, you look to the past for examples of Beauty, which is explicitly not you and not about you. This requires an ability to recognize and revere, rather than engage in knee-jerk ironic or satirical deconstruction, sacrificing the effort, the sacrifice, and the suffering implicit in the Exceptional in order to engage in delusional and unsustainable self-affirmation. Let desirous admiration overcome ruinous enviousness. From the past to the present. You aren’t perpetually condemned to the judgment. The judgment (for instance; other people are automatically disgusted by your body and perhaps charisma can assuage that disgust but generally such a body only produces quietly miserable, villainous little actors. Narcissists who ruminate and seethe, that double-chin contains venom glands) is a call to action. There is an erotic, aesthetic, and ideal object concealed within the biomass and perhaps you recognize it and recognizing it you should act in service of it. You become a Work of Art. This operation requires and cultivates Self-Love. Nietzsche in Daybreak writes, “Seducing into love. - We have cause to fear him who hates himself, for we shall be the victims of his wrath and his revenge. Let us therefore see if we cannot seduce him into loving himself!” Remember, there is necessarily a gap between the Ideal and the Reality. You cannot have the Love of Wisdom, without Love and without Life. The precondition of Philosophy is Nature. Vibrant and alive and terrifying. Writing in Bronze Age Mindset,
"Many of the mathematical models for how a trait will spread in a population have failed—they don’t tell you this. No, I don’t talk about miracles, whatever words you put them under. And the “design” is there, but it is by no means benevolent or intelligent, nor comprehensible. You see in the spider’s web a creature of rudimentary nervous system and little intelligence “design” something beautiful and complex, and this is key to understanding also all of nature. There is an inherent “intelligence” inside things, uncanny, silent and demonic. Its workings and aims are obscure to us."
This precondition asserts that there are Sacred Things without delving into Moralism, something can be Monstrous and Maliciously predisposed towards us and still be Sacred. This outlook is Pagan. Bring back a Warrior Spirit. Obviously it's a Simulacrum, but why do you have to be such a dower cynical little bitch about it in public? Why not commit to the bit? Not just for your own sake (you have to fake it till you make it, that's the American Way) but for the sake of others. Valorizing "What is Beautiful is Healthy what is Healthy is Good and what is Good is True." Is good for Society. Better than incentivizing people to identify as victims and encouraging people to be Haters.
One might then cultivate the innate ability to recognize the Beautiful in others, in whom that Beauty might otherwise be concealed. As Alcibiades recognizes in Socrates and Achilles recognized in Patroclus. And perhaps in this activity one meets others engaging in similar pursuit, in cultivating these Values. And there is through rivalry and proximity and witnessing, the cultivation of Fraternity. Where you look at another and see in them their suffering and the Beauty arising out of it and you cannot help but feel a great deal of admiration and affection.
Turn again to Heidegger’s Language in his engaging with Georg Trakl’s poem A Winter Evening,
“The two lines start with the word “golden.” So that we may hear more clearly this word and what it calls, let us recollect a poem of Pindar’s: Isthmians V. At the beginning of this ode the poet calls gold periosion panton, that which above all shines through everything, panta, shines through each thing present all around. The splendor of gold keeps and holds everything present in the unconcealedness of its appearing.
…
But what is pain? Pain rends. It is the rift. But it does not tear apart into dispersive fragments. Pain indeed tears asunder, it separates, yet so that at the same time it draws everything to itself. Its tending, as a separating that gathers, is at the same time that drawing which, like the pen-drawing of a plan or sketch, draws and joins together what is held apart in separation. Pain is the joining agent in the rending that divides and gathers. Pain is the joining of the rift. The joining is the threshold. It settles the between, the middle of the two that are separated in it. Pain joins the rift of the difference. Pain is the dif-ference itself.
Pain has turned the threshold to stone.
The verse calls the dif-ference, but it neither thinks it specifically nor does it call its nature by this name. The verse calls the separation of the between does it call its nature by this name. The verse calls the separation of the between, the gathering middle, in whose intimacy the bearing of things and the granting of world pervade one another.
Then would the intimacy of the dif-ference for world and thing be pain? Certainly. But we should not imagine pain anthropologically as a sensation that makes us feel afflicted. We should not think of the intimacy psychologically as the sort in which sentimentality makes a nest for itself.
Pain has turned the threshold to stone.
Pain has already fitted the threshold into its bearing. The difference presences already as the collected presence, from which the carrying out of world and thing appropriatingly takes place. How so?
There lie, in limpid brightness shown,
Upon the table bread and wine.”
Fraternitas is powerful.
Feel like I've witnessed a lot of psyoping on that end. I don't know, there are always difficulties and insecurities and even betrayals... but the kind of affection developed between dudes in the appropriate settings, with an awareness of and celebration of, the differences between us. Critique and Eulogy and Competition and Collaboration.
To talk with someone for hours on end, to embrace them and be embraced, in confidence and conspiring. It is necessary I think for us to experience this. Lest we become severely stunted. With all affection collapsing into a libidinal singularity. Easy to forget that not everyone has experienced these sort of healthy relationships, have to remember that. We can be alone together and for a moment know Paradise.
The Progression of the Progressive Right is not that we are entering into a Dark Age but rather that we are emerging out of one and into a Golden Age.
So what is the task of the Oracle? To dynamically receive the demands and sacrificial instructions from a god? To appease the gods and the dead and the daemons through said sacrificial rites? To perform rituals in order to ward off catastrophes and to divine the cause for on-going catastrophes (regardless of scale)? Transmitting the sacrificial technologies, including the correct ways to butcher an animal, distribute its parts, and treat its materia? Is the oracle confined to the transmission and conservation of rote fetishism?
Or is the oracle task to guide Humanity into something Higher. To the fulfillment of a collective destiny? A Great Work?
The question was not stupid.
On the issue of recognition and cultivation BAP observes the following in Bronze Age Mindset,
“If an impish deity of the lower kind, with which the world is full, some purple goblin with a wicked face showed itself to a pedant in a white coat, the scientist would convince himself he was hallucinating - and in any case, without being available for study, for resting, for experiments that can be seen by others (this stand has been abandoned for many fields lately), its existence would not fall within the power of "science" at all. No, and what do you say to ancient accounts that such creatures showed themselves to men before, and maybe still do? Why would they show themselves to you? The weakness and spinelessness of modern man - no god would show himself to such creatures to be jeered at!
...
If a god showed himself today to you, in a dream, would you have the inner energy and power to honor him and do his bidding in the world? Or would you, neutered by the modern pervasive hivemind of the slave, dismiss it, and yourself as unreal or unworthy, when it is the modern bugman and his blabbering that lacks reality. But I want you to be intoxicated with the highest enthusiasm and ready to receive these greatest blessings with great confidence!
When I think of the bugman and engage in bibliomantic practice with a copy of Houllebecq's The Elementary Particles this passage appears:
“He was less interested in television. Every week, however, his heart in his mouth, he watched The Animal Kingdom. Graceful animals like gazelles and antelopes spent their days in abject terror while lions and panthers lived out their lives in listless imbecility punctuated by explosive bursts of cruelty. They slaughtered weaker animals, dismembered and devoured the sick and the old before falling back into a brutish sleep where the only activity was that of the parasites feeding on them from within. Some of these parasites were hosts to smaller parasites, which in turn were a breeding ground for viruses. Snakes moved among the trees, their fangs bared, ready to strike at bird or mammal, only to be ripped apart by hawks. The pompous, half-witted voice of Claude Darget, filled with awe and unjustifiable admiration, narrated these atrocities. Michel trembled with indignation. But as he watched, the unshakable conviction grew that nature, taken as a whole, was a repulsive cesspit. All in all, nature deserved to be wiped out in a holocaust - and man’s mission on earth was probably to do just that.”
Returning to BAP and his appearance on Red Scare, recall the compliment BAP recalled a friend having made to him, that he did not merely copy-and-paste Nietzsche but had managed to truly restate the prophet and improve upon him... he acknowledges the Centralized Aristocratic Regime in Nietzsche, and proceeds to acknowledge that we don't have one. There is no political vehicle for the transmission of any of these Values. We're instead forced to return to the Question of Aesthetics and Art and the Artist as Philosopher. My impression is that for BAP, every Centralized State ultimately reverts to the same thing, Eugenics or Biopolitics. Controlling how people breed. Controlling how people love. Gatekeeping utopia and banishing grace.
I think BAP emphasizes this dimension of Aristocratic politicized eugenics in Nietzsche so that he can overcome it (I think this involves a Return to Schopenhauer and Aesthetics). His most coherent politics amount to an Art Project. You can't overcome something you are in denial of. You know... careful when fighting monsters lest you become one. I think every Jewish-American is forced to confront these contradictions on the daily.
Despite all attempts to engage in Romantic and Liberal Nation-Building or in the Construction of International Communism or some other approach we can refer to as "the Construction of Socialism"...
Zarathustra emulates himself. Zarathustra immolates himself.
Recall the question of Value. What Values emerge from the gap, between the Individual and Consensus?
Enter Schopenhauer. Enter Houellebecq.
We exist in the worst of all possible worlds. Everything is the same but slightly worse.
Have we become the Universal Humanity, wherein everyone has become equal in terms of Self-Consciousness? A World of Philosophers at the End of History?
Perhaps but this is not necessarily a good thing. People remain people and the human condition is horrible. There is an absolute negativity, an essential negativity that can't be overcome through consumption or revolution. If we give ourselves over for a moment, to nostalgia, we might imagine (resonating with the Marxist reading of Social Relations under the Feudal Mode of Production) that the fundamental unit of Society, the family and by extension the community of families gathered around sacred institutions and their sacred calendars and carnivals, embodied a kind of organic unity or solidarity that helped assuage and sublimate individual melancholy (the proper melancholic being a melancholic due to some astrological-geographical melding, in a sense being destined to be a melancholic) allowing the average person to have a slightly more balanced humoral constitution.
Here in this now, we find ourselves naked and shivering. Perhaps we shouldn't be able to relate as much as we do with this condition. Yet we might also say with equal conviction that this "alienation" is in fact more genuine to our innate condition.
123 years since Nietzsche died. Where are the Heroes?
Where is the Soviet New Man? Where is Jabotinsky's Hebrew?
In the present day, at the End of History we have witnessed the Mass Production of Melancholy Perverts. At best Michel Houellebecq. At worst Jeffrey Epstein. With a bunch of stunted and traumatized people in-between. Behold the Bugman.
We recognize it as Alienation. We are Alone Together. What is the cause of this Alienation? This Split-Consciousness between Myself and the Other? Perhaps I can philosophize away my Alienation. Perhaps I can by seizing the Means of Production and establish the Dictatorship of the Proletariat and Constructing Socialism, that the socialization of production should "cure" Alienation. Returning to a Harmonious Totality. What BAP calls Yeast-life.
Or we recognize this Separation for what it is. Emancipation. That what defines the Hero is precisely this Separation. What distinguishes the Morality of the Slave from that of the Master. As Leo Strauss puts it in his lecture series Natural Right and History, "Man can guarantee the actualization of wisdom, not in spite of, but because of, the fact that the universe is unintelligible. Man can be sovereign only because there is no cosmic support for his humanity. He can be sovereign only because he is absolutely a stranger in the universe. He can be sovereign only because he is forced to be sovereign. Since the universe is unintelligible and since control of nature does not require understanding of nature, there are no knowable limits to his conquest of nature."
Naively perhaps, I read the frightening-personae of BAP, advocating for things like Eugenics-based Regimes as an act of Sincerony. His manner of highlighting the dangers of a potential philosopher (a bugman) attempting to control Humanity and Nature. It can and will only ever produce Regimes which either explicitly or implicitly, monitor and control us at the level of Breeding. In order to breed out undesirable traits and breed up desirable traits. A Regime which attempts to replace Nature with itself. Regardless of Ideology, it tends towards the same genocidal program.
Fake and Gay? Listen, I’m not the one dressed in green tights, playing a flute, promising a great banquet to the bewitched children, only to then reveal once inside the cave, that there is no Thielbucks, and that they’re actually being initiated into a Gnostic sect called the Coprophagians who eat shit in order to spite their fathers and sully his reputation or something. Literally says this on the pod.
“Indeed, I counsel you to go away from me,
Leave me and defend against Zarathustra,
And even better: be ashamed of him!
Perhaps he deceived you.”
[To be Continued]

Minor spoiler for TD Rematch I think: These are my oddly specific headcannons for the TD gen 1 characters if they aged.
Owen: He is a food taste tester that often keeps up with Total Drama. He is also next door neighbors with his best friend, Noah.
Gwen: She is a struggling poet and painter. After her 15 seconds of fame when she played a minor character in the sequel to “The Psycho Killer With A Chainsaw and A Hook,” or whatever that movie was titled. After appearing in that movie, she went back to working her job as a barista and trying to sell art and poems. She was also able to restore her friendship with Duncan.
Heather: After breaking with Alejandro due to a false suspicion that he was cheating, she decides to try to one-up Alejandro at everything he’s ever done. She is now a successful model that has appeared in multiple magazines and is pretty well known. However, she still has a very vocal hate-base that hates her due to her past on Total Drama and her ego.
Alejandro: After his breakup with Heather due to her her false suspicion that he was cheating, he took to the runway and became a model. He is a successful model and way more well known than Heather. Girls and guys go crazy for him even though he’s no different than Heather.
Noah: He is a librarian that loves to spend most of his time reading books and going out on romantic dates with his fiancée, Emma. He is next door neighbors to Owen and when they hang out, they usually spend their time watching action movie marathons.
Duncan: After getting out of prison, he decided to pursue a career in drag racing. He spends most of his time drag racing too and he’s even nearly gone broke trying to support his passion. He’s stayed away from long term relationships due to his past, but he’s ready to get back into dating now.
Sierra: After TD All Stars, she decided to begin boxing in order to make enough money to create an international Cody fan club. Whenever she’s in the boxing ring, she pretends that the girl she’s fighting is trying to steal Cody from her. She still hasn’t given up on trying to win Cody’s heart, but for now, she’s fine with just being friends with him.
Cody: After the Drama Brothers split, he moved back in with his parents. He works as a part-time comedian and he often goes to Sierra’s boxing matches to show support for his FRIEND. He mostly lives off of his job as a comedian and he uses the money Sierra gives to him for no reason to support himself and his parents.
Harold: After the Drama Brothers dispensed, he decided to become a karate sensei. He has gotten over Leshawna, but they are still close friends that hang out very often. Leshawna was even the first person that he trained in karate. He’s probably the contestant that stayed in touch with the most people after the show. He keeps in touch with Leshawna, Owen, Trent, Cody, Sierra, Bridgette, DJ, and Geoff.
Trent: He has taken his skills as a musician to a bigger stage. He is a well known performer and he has worked with lots of popular music artist. He has decided to stray away from many TD related things since he would prefer to forget about TD. He feels like Total Drama did more harm than good since he got humiliated on it, but he stills keeps in touch with many others such as Harold, Cody, and Justin.
Justin: He has continued his career as a model. He can be found on many magazines and he is usually posing with his shirt off. He is pretty wealthy now since he’s been modeling for years now and he makes good money from it.
Leshawna: She officially ended the rumors that her and Harold were together, which did earn her a little bit of backlash from hardcore Lesharold shippers, but she couldn’t care less about those haters. She has stayed close friends with Harold. She runs a small fashion business alongside Lindsay, who she has grown closer to after Total Drama. She has stayed friends with Gwen and she has tried to help Gwen succeed in her career. Leshawna also helps out in Harold’s karate dojo on the side as a co-sensei.
Lindsay: She owns an online fashion business with Leshawna. She also ended up starring in the same movie as Gwen titled “The Psycho Killer With A Chainsaw and A Hook’s Revenge.” She played a leading role in that movie and she has played in many more movies ever since. She lives a luxurious lifestyle alongside her boyfriend, Tyler.
Tyler: He has tried out sports like football, track, soccer, and basketball, but he’s failed at all of those sports. He’s decided to give up on sports and he’s become a stay at home boyfriend. He likes to spend his days watching streams or failing to lift weights at the gym.
Eva: After an encounter with a TD fan that wanted a picture with her and she blew up at the fan, she decided to go to therapy. She still struggles with her anger, but she tries to control it as best as she can. She was hired as a bodyguard by Justin and she makes a decent amount of money from that job.
Katie & Sadie: They are still BFFLS. They enjoy picking flowers and working their jobs as gas station clerks where they totally annoy the customers. They are also known for their infamous moment where they nearly killed a whole marching band, but they would rather forget about that.
Courtney: She is a public speaker and lawyer that would like to become a politician. She is seen as a very motivational person by others. She would rather forget about her multiple losses on TD and her shift in personality. She’s gone back to her more humble roots and she does yoga to keep her cool. She’s cut ties with everyone from Total Drama even though Gwen has reached out to her a couple of times.
Bridgette: She is a middle school teacher that loves to build connections with her students. She is seen as the “cool” teacher. She is married to Geoff and they have 2 kids, 1 cat, and 1 bird. together.
Geoff: He works as a party planner with his best friend, Brody. They love to throw amazing parties. However, his main priority are his 2 kids. He also has 1 cat and 1 bird with his wife, Bridgette.
DJ: He lives in a peaceful neighborhood in a house right across the street from his mama. He is a personal trainer that hosts public daily video calls just doing calming exercises to relax. He is still friends with many from TD such as Bridgette, Geoff, Leshawna, and Gwen.
Izzy: After TDAS, the RCMP have come back after her. She is currently on the run and nowhere to be found. There are some rumors online that she has changed her name and identity and become a flight attendant or that she changes her identity every other day. Who knows?
Beth: She works as a retail worker, but she hates her job. She is still with her boyfriend, Brady, surprisingly. Even when she has to deal with bad customers, she stays chill and treats the customer with respect and kindness. She even ended up winning a “most likely to solve conflict award in her freshman year of college years ago.
Ezekiel: After transforming back to a human, he tried to make it as a rapper, but brutally failed. He now lives on a farm with his parents, and spends most of his days playing video games.
Blaineley: She is still a talk show host and she hosts a show on Youtube similar to “Drama Alert” where she just spreads rumors and lies about celebrities. She is a multi-millionaire and she loves to brag about it.

Before we begin: I’m not including Coderra, I don’t think its canon. I’m also separating Duncney into how they were in Island, and every season after Island, since it makes it easier for me to rank them.
21st: Duncney (Post Island)
This placement doesn't have a picture because a post can't have more than 20 images :(
As much as I enjoy their interactions, god this ship should just NOT exist after Island. Just like the next placement on this ranking, I really love their interactions but the ship itself just shouldn’t exist because of the problems with how the characters treat each other. Courtney continues kicks the crap out of Duncan throughout Action, and then gives him a 50 page document to change him into her dream man. Yes, Duncan is a bad dude and probably should change, but if she doesn’t even like him the way he is, why the hell is she even dating him?
Then in World Tour Duncan cheats on Courtney. Also it is mentioned in the show that Duncan is the one who initiated the kiss with Gwen. I can’t remember when exactly but it does happen in World Tour. Again, Duncan clearly does not care about Courtney and he cheated on her, so remind me why this ship still exists? Again, I really like their interactions in World Tour because I think they’re really entertaining, but they shouldn’t be together.
I won’t mention All Stars, I’ll mention that shitshow when I get to Gwuncan.
20th: Chemma
\"Aww... you looked like a trophy\"
This is the only time you’ll see me have Chase and Emma this low on a ranking.
Anyway, this ship has the same problems with post-Island Duncney has. I LOVE their interactions but GOD this ship is terrible! As funny as their interactions are, there is nobody on the earth who thinks these two should be together. Chase is too oblivious and selfish to realise he’s in the wrong, and Emma is too stupid and keeps going back to him. However, I’m pretty sure she’d never go back to him after breaking up with him at the start of season 2, or maybe I’m being too kind.
Anyway, I love their interactions, but they should never be together. So yeah 👍
19th: Stephanie x Ryan
\"You're breaking up with me? On National Television?\"
This is a reoccurring theme, again there’s another set of characters who I enjoy their interactions, but this ship itself isn’t good. Well actually not really. They started off really generic but still funny, and as the season passed on they began to argue more and more up until episode 8 where they broke up after placing last. The unique twist of turning the Daters into Haters was a really good idea which I really did enjoy. But does that make their ship good? No, that makes their characters good.
Obviously, they did fix their relationship and decided to only stay mad at each other because it made them perform better in the race, but I still don’t love their relationship since they still treated each other like crap.
18th: Gwuncan

Gwuncan is.... a ship which exists. In concept, they definitely aren’t terrible but in execution they DEFINITELY were terrible. In World Tour alone, they aren’t really bad. There was a build up to it which began all the way back in Total Drama Action, and while they were around, they didn’t really act like a couple enough for me to really care about then. And I wouldn’t say their build up was good anyway.
In All Stars that’s when they’re BAD. All Stars just consists of Duncan giving no shits about Gwen and just wanting to get Courtney’s attention. There’s literally nothing else to say. This ship sucks.
They aren’t bottom 3 though because in World Tour I actually kind of liked them.
17th: Derrie

This ship is so generic it kind of hurts. But... I still enjoy them for what they are. It’s frustrating how long they’re dragged out for, but that’s kind of the point. And I lowkey find that hilarious. They do have quite a lot of good moments but not tons.
Carrie manipulating Devin when he was in the 5 stages of grief was pretty messed up though.
16th: Shasmine
“You won!” ”No, we won! As long as you’re still willing to share the money”
Behold! The saving graces of Pahkitew Island! Just kidding, this ship is ASS (sometimes).
I’m going to copy and paste a comment I made yesterday to explain why:
“So she and Shawn have to duel in episode 5 so their teams could win. Then, Shawn knocks her off and she gets mad at him, and says he's just got her voted off. But Shawn himself would have been voted off if his team lost.
Then Jasmine treats him like crap for the next 4 episodes despite the fact she never even got voted off and he apologised multiple times. She then projects her relationship issues onto Sky which nearly gets Dave killed.
The entire reason I think this is bad writing is because the show doesn't point out that she's in the wrong. Then Shawn saves her once and THAT is what makes her forgive him? What about all the times to apologised? She then hears something Shawn said which was out of context and didn't even hear him out. Then all of a sudden she loves him again?”
I will add more though.
So despite what I just said above, they do have good moments. Their build up was pretty nice for the first 4 episodes, and when she finally forgave him they were pretty good, Scarlett Fever and Sky Fall are their best episodes. And when they finally made up AGAIN Jasmine running up to Shawn and telling him he won was nice.
15th: Prileb
“Crush Julia! Make sure she doesn’t leave this Island with all her toes!”
Everybody hates this ship. I don’t. Yes they’re generic and when they’re bad (Episode 8) they’re BAD. But otherwise I think they’re perfectly inoffensive. The only problem I have with them is that they lasted so long that other characters had to get eliminated in their favour. They are great in quite a few episodes.
14th: Zoke

I really enjoyed Zoey and Mike’s relationship in Revenge of the Island. The build-up was pretty good, and the drama caused by Mike’s dissociative identity disorder is pretty fun to watch. I do think Mike having a necklace with his own face on it for Zoey makes absolutely no sense though.
All Stars is my main problem with Zoke. Despite Zoey being with Mike for an entire year, she genuinely couldn’t tell that Mike was a completely different personality for the entire season. She only finally believed it entirely when she was shown a video of Mal destroying things. All Stars in general just made me go from liking this ship to just not caring about it at all.
13th: Samkota
This is a pretty good ship if you ask me. I didn’t really care for them in the first 2 episodes, because like why would you? It was entirely one sided.
However, when Dakota returns as an intern, her development really made me enjoy this ship. Their interactions were really sweet and that’s all that really matters to me. Then when Sam asks her for fashion advice and she gets really happy, it’s just super neat.
I do think the whole concept of Dakotazoid kind of makes the ship worse, but I don’t think it does because Sam still accepts her for who she is, despite her not being conventionally attractive anymore, and she loves Sam. So who cares.
12th: Gwent

Gwent is a very interesting ship. The main problem with it is that it’s inconsistent.
For the first 6 episodes of Island, I really enjoy them. Especially in episode 3. I think most people can agree they were the best characters in that episode. The problems arrive in episode 7, Phobia Factor, because of when Trent leaves Gwen in the sand. I don’t really have a problem with this moment, it’s just what happens later.
For the next few episodes, Trent is separated from Gwen in basically every episode. In Up The Creek he was in the canoe with Beth and Lindsay, in Paintball Deer Hunter he gets no lines, in the next 2 episodes he’s knocked out in the challenges instantly, and again in Basic Straining he gets no lines. In X-treme torture the focus is on the Bass so that’s another problem, and in the Brunch of Disgustingness he’s on the boy's team while Gwen is on the girls. So far, no mention of Trent burying her in the sand, and she clearly still likes him.
Then suddenly in No Pain, No Game she hates him for burying her in the sand. Like what? That was 7 EPISODES ago! Why is it only now where you care? For the rest of Island though they’re pretty good. Then ACTION rolls around. We all know the problems with Trent in Action. He becomes super obsessed with Gwen and jealous of Duncan. This totally ruins the ship for the rest of the show.
However, their few interactions in World Tour make me believe they’re still good friends, so that saves them for me.
11th: Nemma
“Hey what about the whole kissing me thing?”
This ship is very neat! I liked their build up and I enjoyed watching Owen and Kitty play matchmaker to get them together. When Emma breaks up with Noah to focus on the Race his reaction is hilarious as well.
However the period of time where they keep wanting to kiss and then don’t goes on way too long for my liking, and when the switch of Noah and Emma trying too hard to win went to them spending too much time together happened and Owen and Kitty had to get them back into the game happened, it made me like them less. The twist is funny, but I didn’t find it very enjoyable to watch.
They are still good though.
10th: Scottney
“Ladies first! Or is that wrong because this is dangerous. Or is THAT wrong because its the 21st century! Or is it the 22nd?”
This ship is so dumb and I LOVE it. Their build-up was surprising good for All Stars standards, and they were definitely the saving grace for Courtney’s character in All Stars. They especially carried Zeeke and Ye Shall Find, since they’re basically the only good characters in that episode. They continued to be good for the rest of the season up until Sundae Muddy Sundae but everybody knows why so I don’t need to explain.
9th: Rowie
“But to win this competition, I might have to kick you in the face”
This ship is good.
In the first season, this ship is... okay I’m gonna say. BORING. This ship is on the same level of generic as Carrie and Devin, I’m serious. Don’t get me wrong, I still like them, but I felt absolutely nothing watching them. I just watched it and thought “wow that’s a perfectly alright ship”. I bet for a fact nobody would love this ship as much in Season 1 if they weren’t gay. That sounds bad.
HOWEVER, Season 2 is where this ship is good. Like, really great. The relationship actually feels real this season since in canon Raj and Bowie have been together for a whole year. Their interactions feel more genuine, especially on Raj’s side. And with Bowie cheating in challenges, there’s actual drama which makes me invested in them as well.
So in Season 1 this ship is boring, in Season 2 it’s really great.
8th: Ripaxel

This ship came out of nowhere but I really love it. When this cast was first revealed, Ripper and Axel were definitely the two characters I never expected together, but I actually did predict their rivalry. Anyway, Ripper randomly revealing that he liked Axel was a welcome surprise, and his attempts to win her over were hilarious. When they eventually got together they basically became the obsessed kissing couple but I still found them hilarious. Their interactions are surprisingly sweet considering all the arguing they did back in the first season as well.
Also the scene were Ripper reads out the poem to Axel is a masterpiece.
7th: Duncney (Island)
\"Fine! Enjoy prison!\"
Despite not loving this ship, I do think in Island it objectively IS good. The build-up between Duncan and Courtney’s relationship is really good, and their interactions are all really funny. All the things Duncan says to mock and annoy Courtney are hilarious.
Obviously, Basic Straining is the episode they’re at the best. I mean, they basically ignored the screaming gophers entirely just to focus on Duncan and Courtney.
That’s honestly all I have to say about Duncney in Island. They’re great 👍
6th: Geoff x Bridgette
\"Uhm I don't think this is the kind of action Chris had in mind!\"
In season 1, I actually think Geoff x Bridgette was one of the weaker ships. It was still good, but it never got as much focus as Duncney or Gwent did. However, I still enjoyed it a lot. All of Geoff’s flirting attempts where he ends up saying something completely stupid and DJ has to call him out hilarious. My favourite is “You look good when you’re cooking dinner! Kind of like my friends Evan’s REALLY hot mom.”
In season 2 they obviously became insufferable with the kissing, but the Aftermaths fixed that. Despite everybody seemingly hating the Aftermaths, I LOVE them. Geoff and Bridgette’s stupid drama in them is one of the main reasons. Especially the Captain Hollywood arc for Geoff. It adds to their relationship, and I enjoy it. Even if Geoff never actually apologised.
Then World Tour has... Bridgette cheating on Geoff. Crap. But despite that I like how they get back together in the end, and they continue to be healthy for the rest of the show. One of the favourite parts of Aftermath Aftermayhem is how Geoff is dedicated on getting revenge for Bridgette.
Anyway, this is a great ship if you ask me.
5th: Ennui x Crimson
https://preview.redd.it/vclhe3wqflic1.png?width=885&format=png&auto=webp&s=6e1201c52b55aa035acc3c77686ff665851c9cab
So, I actually don’t really have much to say about the Goths. On my first watch I didn’t even realise they were a couple. All I know is that they’re very wholesome and very good 👍
Episode 11 is the only episode I need to mention because of how they lose their goth setup when they go into the Spa and then in the river. The development they get when not being goth adds to their relationship well, and is what makes it better for me.
They’re also probably the most healthy relationship in the show, which is pretty cool.
4th: Aleheather

I think Aleheather is objectively the best ship in the show. But it’s not my favourite.
This ship just benefits from being written incredibly well. The rivalry between the two and the build-up of their relationship is definitely the best part of World Tour. Them constantly try to one up each other during the teams section of World Tour was great as well.
It’s in All Stars though when they actually become official. And just like Scottney, they’re one of the only good parts about All Stars. Heather trying to catch Al out on faking his legs being asleep was enjoyable and Alejandro getting her eliminated is a great moment as well.
When they’re finally a couple, they are definitely my favourite part of the All Stars finale. Actually, they’re probably the only good part about it. The fact they instantly turn on each other for a chance to win is great.
3rd: Lesharold
“Harold you are the funkiest, baddest and strangest white boy I have ever met\"
Despite being the most random ship in the entire franchise, I really like Leshawna and Harold. I guess technically they aren’t canon, but I’m not bothered. They immediately became classics during Harold’s elimination in Island for very obvious reasons. The fact the random love letters Gwen and Bridgette found which they assumed were for themselves ended up being from Harold and were addressed to Leshawna is just hilarious, and the entire scene of when they found out the poem was from Harold is amazing.
In season 2 I think they’re at the best in terms of interactions. Leshawna trying to get Harold and Duncan to stop arguing was great and her attempts to get them in an alliance was funny as well. The way Harold acts around Leshawna when he finds out she pretended to cry to get to speak with her cousin is hilarious as well. In Aftermath III, all the things Leshawna says about Harold when being interviewed are really neat as well.
Finally, in season 3, despite not getting many moments together, Lesharold was still a fun ship there as well. Harold saying all these random things to impress Leshawna which fail is some of my favourite moments from early World Tour. It's a shame we never got to see if they ever got to get together.
2nd: Lyler
https://preview.redd.it/ze4jjkyiglic1.png?width=894&format=png&auto=webp&s=a60abd8424ee65681cdaffece2b8692b7fcc80c8
This used to be my favourite couple in the show, but they eventually got beat out by the #1 spot.
Anyway, even if they don’t get many moments, I really enjoy Lindsay and Tyler’s relationship in the show. In the first season all the moments where Lindsay sneaks away from what she’s supposed to be doing with Tyler are some of her best moments at the start of the season.
In Action the fact that she thought she’d never see Tyler again because everybody kept telling her he was gone is hilarious. This is mainly because this joke extends off into World Tour where she tells Tyler to his face that the only guy, she ever dated was Tyler “and he’s never coming back”. The moment where she remembers who Tyler is was amazing and for the rest of World Tour they were really great until Lindsay was eliminated. The fact Tyler had to pretend the fish in episode 10 was Lindsay was hilarious as well.
1st: Ozzy

This was a very easy choice for me. Owen and Izzy are my favourite couple because their relationship is just very nice to watch, plus they’re funny.
In Island I really enjoyed the moments between Owen and Izzy during the team's section. When Izzy returned for the merge that’s when Ozzy was at it’s best for me. All the Ozzy moments in Hook, Line and Screamer is definitely my favourite moments in that entire episode.
I’d say that they are at their best in Action. You can really tell how much Owen and Izzy like each other here, especially when she returns. The Ozzy interactions in The Sand Witch Project, Masters of Disasters and Full Metal Drama are especially my favourites. I think one of the main reasons why I like this ship so much is purely based off of TDA alone. When Izzy is upset about Owen’s injury it’s basically one of the only moments Izzy isn’t acting like a total buffoon so you can tell she actually likes him, which is why I like this ship so much.
They’re really great in World Tour. Even though Izzy does injure Owen a lot here, I don’t think that ruins the ship, since she never actually injures him on purpose. Despite the fact they broke up here, I still loved them together in World Tour, and the Oh, My Izzy song is really amazing as well.
Plus, despite them never officially getting back together, I headcannon that they did since it was Brainzilla which broke up with Owen, not Izzy herself.

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Puzzleheaded-Tie5558
Originally posted to TrueOffMyChest
I’m amazed by and also kinda afraid of my GF
Trigger Warnings: harassment
 
Original Post - Oct 20, 2023
I’ve (28m) been dating Jen (27f) for 2 years and she’s amazing: kind, smart, funny, pretty, everything. She has a really warm and bubbly personality, smiles and laughs a lot. I say she has RNF (resting nice face). She’s also 5’5” of caged fury.
Between her looks and approachable personality, she gets hit on by guys a lot. She also gets a lot of hate from women. I used to get really jealous when guys talked to her and she would get mad at me for being jealous.
Let me be 100% clear; she’s not particularly flirty, she doesn’t initiate conversations, doesn’t lead guys on, she’s not looking for male attention
I’m 6’1” and somewhat intimidating build, so my go to move is standing tall with my arms crossed and staring at the guy then saying something like “is there an issue”. Instead of immediately jumping in when guys hit on her, and causing an argument with her, I started to pay attention to how she handles unwanted attention. She’s like a ninja deflecting creeps and mean girls. She reads the situation and knows when to act nice, when to ignore them, when to be firm, and when to leave. I started to realize I don’t need to be jealous and she can take care of herself.
I tore up my knee over the summer. She basically moved in to help me during my surgery and rehab. She’s been amazing. Taking me to things when I couldn’t drive, making me food when I couldn’t even stand, helping me do my PT. I’m still wearing a knee brace, but I’m getting there.
She loves to dance, although I’m terrible, I love going with her because it makes her happy and she looks incredible when she’s dancing. Since my injury we haven’t gone out much and we haven’t gone dancing. I’m not able to dance more than a slow dance, so I got her friends to go out with us so she has someone to dance with (pretty sure she likes dancing with her female friends more, anyway). It was me, Jen, a couple, and two girls. The couple left pretty early.
Watching her dance, I had a moment of clarity. All I could think was how lucky I was that I’d be going home with the person I most loved in the world. I realized I wanted to marry her.
Three attractive women dancing are going to draw attention. I’m no hater, but it was funny watching guys try to hit on them and glad that wasn’t me anymore. This group of guys in particular weren’t getting the hint. They surrounded the girls and tried to dance behind them. Jen said something and pushed them aside. The girls come back to where I was sitting and the guys are glaring at us.
Club closes and we’re walking out towards my car. Turns out the guys weren’t ready to let it go. A couple of the guys were insulting us, especially me for being a “beta”, that I’m not a real man (real incel energy). The irony that they are the guys I should have been “protecting” my GF from was totally lost on them. They’re getting louder and more aggressive, we try to diffuse the situation, but they’re not letting up, a fight seemed inevitable. We’re a block from the club, so I tell the girls we’re going to head back to where the people waiting for Ubers are standing. They block our way and I’m about ready to get in their faces hoping I can intimidate my way out while the girls get away. I have one bad leg and if someone shoves me I’ll probably fall down, plus there is only one of me.
Jen suddenly releases a stream of insults and obscenities towards these guys and doesn’t let up, I’m not sure she even stopped to take a breath. They were shocked (and so was I) by the genuine rage directed towards them. I’ve never seen her so angry. They’re backing up while she’s moving towards them screaming. She’s driving them back towards the crowd while also creating a commotion (told you she’s a ninja). Some club goers start to come over and and it’s clear they aren’t on the guys’ side. The guys are embarrassed because they’re getting upbraided by 120lbs of white hot rage.
This is the part where I should be embarrassed my GF, who is 8” shorter and 75lbs lighter, kept me from getting my butt kicked. Honestly though, it was one of the most badass things I’ve ever seen.
TLDR: The same woman that was the most gentle person when I couldn’t walk also stared down a group of creeps outside a club.
She’s a keeper. I better get a ring on this one before she realizes she can do better.
 
RELEVANT COMMENTS
BaseTensMachine: I wish guys would take cues like this better. I've had bfs really misread a situation and start fights that put me in danger-- caught an elbow to the face once, thanks so much Jeff, you big strong man you. Good luck with your girl!

OP: Sorry to hear about catching the elbow.
It was tough to control my feelings at first. We go to (until the injury) a lot of places places where single people meet (concerts, festivals, bars, clubs, rec sports, climbing gym) so guys are already looking for women to chat up.
Not a great reflection on me, but one of the reasons I started to pay attention to her interactions was because I wanted to prove she was being flirty and that was the real problem. Well, I realized she wasn’t and she was giving me no reason to be jealous.

 
Update - Dec 7, 2023
Thank you to everyone that read and commented on my previous post. I was a nervous wreck writing it. I was trying to work up the courage to talk to her about our future and make sure we were on the same page. I knew she loves me and wants to be my wife, but she has a lot she wants to achieve, like going to grad school. I would have understood if she wanted to wait to get engaged, it still would have hurt though.
She was sitting on the couch, reading a book, and I was just looking at her. I was thinking, “she’s so amazing, just talk to her, every thing will be fine”. She looked at me through her big dumb glasses and smiled. That was final push I needed. Fortunately we were both in the same place and ready to take the next step.
We just went on a long weekend. We were walking to a little spot with a beautiful view for a picnic and I pretended to stumble and reinjure my knee. Pretty sure she didn’t buy it, but she played along. She loved the ring and of course accepted.
My previous post was a love/appreciation letter ABOUT her. I also wrote one TO her that was much different and more personal. I wrote it by hand to give to her when I proposed. She cried when I proposed and again when she read the letter.
I also showed her the post later that day. She liked it, I got a couple of little laughs and a loving look from her. She said I was exaggerating; those guys were all talk, she’s not a badass, men don’t flirt with her that often, women are rarely mean to her, and she’d kick my ass if I said otherwise (she was joking about that last part, I hope). I’m sticking by what I wrote. She’s a tough badass in my eyes.
It really enjoyed writing both the post and the letter, so I started hand writing her little letters and poems. They’re pretty bad, but she keeps each one, she even printed the post and saved that. She tells me she loves my writing because it makes her feel more connected when I express my feelings. I think that’s her way of saying it’s the thought that counts.
I’m amazed by and kinda afraid of my fiancée.
 
THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP.

The reason I used to love Germany
Several days (I wrote it on Aug 14th) have gone by and I still care that this comment https://www.reddit.com/polandball/comments/15b8ff7/comment/jtqrb3u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 (written on July 27) (I want to comment on the original post, but couldn’t) got some downvotes and almost got folded, which does hurt me. I swear to Jesus I'm not a Nazi nor a neo-Nazi, all these songs were released before Nazi Germany's rule period and even Die Gedanken sind frei(Thoughts are Free https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Die_Gedanken_sind_frei) was banned by the Nazi authorities, and I wonder if people are thinking of Hitler because of the heil and the seig in Heil dir im Siegerkranz https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heil_dir_im_Siegerkranz, but actually the heil was a salute to Emperor Wilhelm II, and of course that doesn't mean I support the restoration of Hohenzollern, I just like Germany in any era especially Brandenburg and Prussia except the Nazi era and the East German era. I must confess that I may not have a single drop of German blood in me, and if my comments come across as Nazi that has nothing to do with any German.
Originally I was not a fan of Germany and thought the country was militaristic and evil. Imagine that I am a woman born in 2000 in an distant country, China (and my birthday is October 2nd, which is close to German Unification Day, October 3, what a coincidence), I started to get in touch with the Internet in 2008 or 2009, at that time, out of my natural love for the occult, I searched for some of the religions and myths of various countries, and then I only cared about the history and the entertainment industry of the range of my continent, for the Europe I do not know much, except for Christianity, Michelangelo, Die Lore-Ley https://www.reddit.com/Poetry/comments/16nlxgj/poem_die_loreley_the_loreley_by_heinrich_heine_t by Heinrich Heine, English songs, foreign literary and artistic works and scientists which mentioned in textbooks and my encyclopedia, etc.
And as for Germany, I was even more aware only at best of Arminius, Heine, and a poem by Coleridge called Cologne Beethoven, Mozart, Bach and The Sorrows of Young Werther by Goethe, and to make matters even worse, Alphonse Daudet‘s Last Class https://xpressenglish.com/last-class/ appeared in our middle high school literature textbook, which gave me a very bad impression of Germany, It's obviously that the article's appearance was selected for literature textbooks with a political purpose，designing to stir up patriotism, but if we follow this logic of the Education Bureau, what about the land that them once lost to other countries? Other than that, our history textbooks mentioned Heinrich IV's walk to Canossa, German Peasants War,The Protestant Reformation of Martin Luther, Silesian weavers' uprising of 1844, the bad things Nazis have done, the Potsdam Declaration, the founding of the German II Reich and so on, and beyond that, I had no additional, let alone motivated knowledge of Germany.
Then in the summer after high school ended in 2017, I started to pay more attention to some Western things, actually European and American movies and other things in the entertainment world, and at that time it was the first time that I watched two things related to World War II - Hacksaw Ridge and a Harry Potter Fanfiction using World War II as a parody theme (not AU) named The Peacock Era (There's very sparse mention of Germany in this novel, and I only remember a good-natured soldier named Friedrich, who seems to be a pilot. I don't remember it clearly and I don't want to verify, cause I'm afraid of read this twice.).
After that I had a dream that I was a German woman in WWII and pregnant, and my husband was a German officer who was going to war tomorrow. He took me to the department store to buy some milk and promised that when he came back he would never go to war again (which of course didn't happen). He never returned and his life ended that year forever. I seemed to love him so much that I would have gone after him if I had not been pregnant with the posthumous child who was the continuation of our bloodline. After that I was widowed for life. More than twenty years later, I was sitting at a table , the setting sun shone through the window and lighted the room, and there was a young man with blonde hair standing beside me and that was my son. I called him Friedrich and looked at a picture of my husband while he was young (actually, he was always young and had no chance of aging). The son's name was given in memory of his father.
This dream was really a film-like scenario, maybe one day I will draw this dream in the form of Polandball (Of course, the Nazi ball will be drawn with black-white-red flag and the time background will be faded so as not to be seen as promoting Nazism. Edit: it's a idea on Aug 14th, I no longer have the stupid mind since Aug 22th, for I realized that if I did a comic about this dream,then I'm actually whitewashing and disrespecting the people who lost their lives in the clutches of the Nazis. I feel so ashamed.). Because of this dream (I must emphasize that's because I love myself. To be honest, I dreamed a German soldier (Solid blonde hair, dressed in a sky-green or gray-green, bean green shirt, in fact like what Wilhelm Winter wore in Unsere Mütter, unsere Väter in a scene, his face was not my favorite type of very handsome without a hint of softness, and I was a bit disappointed to find that his features were rather soft, how can I say it, it seemed as if his face was a blend of half very masculine and half very feminine, the feminine part of his face reminded me of Casper von Bülow, an actor in the German TV series Druck, who I didn't like his face anyway. He sits in a grassy meadow in a forest by a mist-strewn watery swamp, looking up at the sky and into the distance, wondering about the future of Germany.) on May 4, 2021, and I almost forget it cause I know it's may during an unspeakable era and maybe it's him who I erased from my mind out of fear of condemnation. I only found out that dream in 2021 because of the electronic notes on my old phone.) I started to learn about Germany, its history, music, philosophy and all its glories, and then I started to love Germany and have viewed it as a habit. I admit that I used to think that I liked Germany whenever it was, but then I realised that the Nazis were very evil and I couldn't love Germany without distinguishing between right and wrong. A few days ago I said that I love Germany more than anything, at this moment in time I just put Jesus and the Archangel Uriel before Germany.
This dream is the reason why I like Germany, and if it didn't really happen to me but someone else telling me about it would also be quite speechless for me, I see it as liking Germany because I think I was German myself (at the time I thought maybe it was a past life or a parallel universe haha). But that's a point that can't be specifically mentioned to strangers, and it's bad enough to say that I dreamt I was a German woman during WWII and had a husband who was a Nazi officer, and even if removing the man, just saying that it was a woman who was born in the last century, is probably a bit suspicious as well. I'd have to lie and say I suddenly started learning about Germany and slowly fell in love with it as I was exposed to it, haha. And actually I remember a lot of stuff about the dream, his looks and that he probably went to the Eastern Front, so since then I've hated Russia, which I didn't originally hate at least not that much (I've rather disliked the UK since I was a kid as I felt like it was a coward didn't good at wars but always creating conflicts everywhere). Also in that dream I was maybe from Cologne or Münster, I don't remember, I feel like I was seeing tombstones or something in the dreams. So when I mention the places I like and want to visit the most, I'll mention those two, and the rest are Hamburg and Karlsruhe, Hamburg because of its interesting name, and Karlsruhe because I think it's quite an elegant name in Chinese.
Furthermore, I have to say that whether this so-called husband was in a past life or a past life in some other universe or my brain weaved a dream based on the information it received, Nazism has nothing to do with me. And this so-called widowhood to death behaviour may have something to do with the way the me of the time viewed the idea of relationships, for example the 17 years old me thought that I needed to be widowed to death if my loving husband died, whereas the sometimes radical feminist me thought that I didn't need any man, or even when I wasn't a radical feminist (and now I'm probably a liberal feminist) I felt that when not in love with my husband, I could quickly choose to divorce, so why must I be widowed until I die, and also there are times when I am nearly 100% lesbian and have been a lesbian (Of course, the percentages vary at different times, which does not mean that I am all purely lesbian throughout the 3 years) for perhaps a cumulative 3 years of my nearly 23 years of life so far, my thoughts are very fluid.
I've had a few plans for my English name such as Patricia (the Christian name I wished for because I think pronunciation of this name is beautiful when I was leaning towards Catholicism in 2017-2019, now I haven't figured out which denomination of Christianity I should follow. In fact, I've recently returned to Christianity because I admire Archangel Uriel so much and I'm afraid of going down some not-quite-right path because of it.
And for Catholicism, which for the longest time I've considered to be very corrupting, for example, in ancient times Germany was seen as the cow of the Papacy, in the documentary Die Deutschen there was an episode(Die Deutschen II (05) - Thomas Müntzer und der Krieg der Bauern https://youtu.be/DPuD1gGE5S8?t=1006) in which the peasants were smashing up a church and one person said don't do it because it's consecrated to God and the other personn replied it's done with your money too（16:46—17:09 Müntzers Anhänger verweigern Abagaben an ein katolisches Kloster. Sie stürmen eine Kapelle und plündern sie aus. Mit Gewalt holen sie zurück, was sie als ihr Eigentum betrachten. “Halt, das ist doch Gott geweiht. ” “Ja, und dir im Schweiße deines Angesichts abgepresst.”, which means Müntzer's followers refuse to make contributions to a Catholic monastery. They storm a chapel and loot it. By force they take back what they consider to be their property."Wait, this is dedicated to God. " "Yes, and extorted from you by the sweat of your brow."）.
I deeply appreciate Thomas Müntzer who in my eyes was far greater than Luther in the palace of the princes, but that doesn't mean that I'm an Anabaptist, and it's fair to say that I appreciate a lot of the idealistic socialists, but a society similar to communism is something I am a little worried about, I fear that there may be authoritarianism in it and a stricter censorship of books and newspapers than in Prussia, and I also wonder once in touch with the powers that will they really distribute the wealth equally.
Digressing back to Christianity, I believe that a person is justified not only by faith but also by good works, and I like a few of the saints like Mary Magdalene, the apostle to the apostles, Saint Joseph the Christ's adoptive father and the angels especially Uriel. Saluting the saints again seems to be intolerable in Protestantism, and I prefer the Catholic version of the Bible, so I'll have to learn more about each denomination before I become a believer in any of them), Samantha (the feminine form of Samuel Winchester's name, which I like, but now my favorite SPN characters can be Sam, Samandriel and Adam Milligan), Friederike/Friederike/Friederika (feminine form of Friedrich/Frederick, which means peaceful ruler).
And for me from now on, there will be no more Friedrike, I just want to take names I like and appreciate, like Patricia, Mathilde (a tribute to Mathilde de la Mole in The Red and the Black, (also I like Mathilde's meaning, very sounds like Feminist or at least independent woman, which is a combination of "maht" (meaning might and strength") and "hild" (meaning "battle"), \ she is my favorite woman in literary portrayal, and I am quite fond of Wilde's Salome, I love that she is smart and multi-intelligent, and her father regrets that she is not a man to revitalize their family, and the recent musical Le Rouge et le Noir l'Opéra Rock is my favorite version of it, and my two favorite scenarios are when Mathilde sings Le temps passé avec vous during the musical and when she holds the decapitated head of Julien. I saw in an encyclopedia when I was eight years old that Mathilde held the condemned, decapitated head of Julien as Queen Margot did when she kissed the head of Mathilde's ancestor, Joseph Boniface de La Mole, and laid it to rest. This could be the beginning of a hopelessly fatal-like adore of romance in my life. The romantic part of the story is that Mathilde doesn't love Julien Sorel, she is just acting out her sincerity and romanticism. She puts her love for her great ancestor Joseph Boniface de La Môle in him, and she intends to compose another elegy-like love melody between Queen Margaret Of Valois and Joseph Boniface de La Môle, and if she did love Julien, it would be a vulgar story of a lady of nobility who falls in love with a poor boy to me. ), Uriella/Eurielle or Orielle (Uriel is an Angel with justice, regarded as a master of knowledge and archangel of wisdom and spreads the occult, very cool for me who loves the occult, and I pay homage to him by the name, and Uriel means "God is my light" or "flame of God.")), Valerie (meaning strength), Mary(show my respect to Mary Magdalene), Luise (a salute to Luise von Mecklenburg-Strelitz, admire her as a patriotic queen), Liselotte (I appreciate Elisabeth Charlotte "Liselotte" von der Pfalz. Edit: I have now changed my mind because she believes that the cruel treatment suffered by Sophia Dorothea of Brunswick-Lüneburg-Celle is the result of a morganatic marriage. Nevertheless, the name can still be a good name), Eleonora (I kinda like Maria Eleonora von Brandenburg, for her tempestuous and neurotic love to her husband King Gustav II Adolph, and their marriage was even against the will of her elder brother George William, Elector of Brandenburg," For more than a year Maria Eleonora condemned Christina to a mourning seclusion in rooms draped with black and lit by candles day and night, from which every ray of light was excluded. She made her daughter sleep with her in a bed over which her father's heart was hung in a golden casket. Things were made worse by Maria Eleonora's continual weeping." I love this insane love story except for Eleonora's dismiss and cruelty to her daughter.) and so on.
That's the reason why I called myself Mathilde Urielle Sternbach. I pay tribute to Mathilde and Archangel Urie (paying my attribute to the Archangel Uriel, and Uriel means "God is my light" or "flame of God."). And for Sternbach, at first I just combined "Stern" ( Stern was one of the first German words I knew, and in middle and high school I changed my dad's username to Sternbild, haha) and "Bach" for "Stern" means "star" and "Bach" is a German word that means stream, creek, or brook, and view it as my last name in my mind (Forgive me for behaving in such a way that I feel I am free to think how I am called in my heart, as Anne of Green Gables called herself Cordelia. ), but later I was surprised to find out that the family name actually exists.
PS: I don't know whether Sternbach is a place name or not so that's the reason why I surprised when I googled someone who indeed had that last name out of curiosity. Actually, I'm just combining two sceneries like the Germans of the old days might have done when they were given their surname. (Sorry it's also possible that I misunderstood and didn't know enough because I just checked that Rosenburg for example is a place too).
I was a bit surprised a few months ago when I heard about Mönchengladbach and other ”Bachs“. And it seemed to be that I also have seen places called Neue Neustadt and Alte Neustadt in memes recently and thought that's kind of funny.
Edit: My thoughts were corrected, it's actually place names that are a combination of two sceneries, and then German people's names were taken from the place names.
***Edit:The follwing text in [ ] is copied from my another post https://www.reddit.com/Mathilde_Soliloquy/comments/175upkq/the_love_stories_which_i_love/
[ And I am quite fond of Wilde's Salome, I love these sentences,
”How pale the Princess is! Never have I seen her so pale. She is like the shadow of a white rose in a mirror of silver.”,
”She is like a narcissus trembling in the wind . . . . She is like a silver flower.”,
”He is like a thin ivory statue. He is like an image of silver. I am sure he is chaste as the moon is. He is like a moon-beam, like a shaft of silver.”,
“I am amorous of thy body, Iokanaan! Thy body is white like the lilies of a field that the mower hath never mowed. Thy body is white like the snows that lie on the mountains of Judaea, and come down into the valleys. The roses in the garden of the Queen of Arabia are not so white as thy body. Neither the roses of the garden of the Queen of Arabia, the garden of spices of the Queen of Arabia, nor the feet of the dawn when they light on the leaves, nor the breast of the moon when she lies on the breast of the sea. . . . There is nothing in the world so white as thy body. Suffer me to touch thy body.”,
“It is thy hair that I am enamoured of, Iokanaan. Thy hair is like clusters of grapes, like the clusters of black grapes that hang from the vine-trees of Edom in the land of the Edomites. Thy hair is like the cedars of Lebanon, like the great cedars of Lebanon that give their shade to the lions and to the robbers who would hide them by day. The long black nights, when the moon hides her face, when the stars are afraid, are not so black as thy hair. The silence that dwells in the forest is not so black. There is nothing in the world that is so black as thy hair. . . . Suffer me to touch thy hair.”,
“ It is thy mouth that I desire Iokanaan. Thy mouth is like a band of scarlet on a tower of ivory. It is like a pomegranate cut in twain with a knife of ivory. The pomegranate-flowers that blossom in the gardens of Tyre, and are redder than roses, are not so red. The red blasts of trumpets that herald the approach of kings, and make afraid the enemy, are not so red. Thy mouth is redder than the feet of the doves who inhabit the temples and are fed by the priests. It is redder than the feet of him who cometh from a forest where he hath slain a lion, and seen gilded tigers. Thy mouth is like a branch of coral that fishers have found in the twilight of the sea, the coral that they keep for the kings! . . . It is like the vermilion that the Moabites find in the mines of Moab, the vermilion that the kings take from them. It is like the bow of the King of the Persians, that is painted with vermilion, and is tipped with coral. There is nothing in the world so red as thy mouth. . . . Suffer me to kiss thy mouth.”,
“In that day the sun shall become black like sackcloth of hair, and the moon shall become like blood, and the stars of the heaven shall fall upon the earth like unripe figs that fall from the fig-tree, and the kings of the earth shall be afraid.”,
“It were better to say that stains of blood are as lovely as rose petals.”,
“They will follow thee whithersoever thou goest, and in the midst of them thou wilt be like unto the moon in the midst of a great white cloud. . . . ”.
The best parts of Salome are “Ah! thou wouldst not suffer me to kiss thy mouth, Iokanaan. Well! I will kiss it now. I will bite it with my teeth as one bites a ripe fruit. Yes, I will kiss thy mouth, Iokanaan. I said it; did I not say it? I said it. Ah! I will kiss it now. . . . But, wherefore dost thou not look at me Iokanaan? Thine eyes that were so terrible, so full of rage and scorn, are shut now. Wherefore are they shut? Open thine eyes! Lift up thine eyelids, Iokanaan! Wherefore dost thou not look at me? Art thou afraid of me, Iokanaan, that thou wilt not look at me? . . . And thy tongue, that was like a red snake darting poison, it moves no more, it speaks no words, Iokanaan, that scarlet viper that spat its venom upon me. It is strange, is it not? How is it that the red viper stirs no longer? . . . Thou wouldst have none of me, Iokanaan. Thou rejectedst me. Thou didst speak evil words against me. Thou didst bear thyself toward me as to a harlot, as to a woman that is a wanton, to me, Salomé, daughter of Herodias, Princess of Judæa! Well, I still live, but thou art dead, and thy head belongs to me. I can do with it what I will. I can throw it to the dogs and to the birds of the air. That which the dogs leave, the birds of the air shall devour. . . . Ah, Iokanaan, thou wert the man that I loved alone among men. All other men were hateful to me. But thou wert beautiful! Thy body was a column of ivory set upon feet of silver. It was a garden full of doves and lilies of silver. It was a tower of silver decked with shields of ivory. There was nothing in the world so white as thy body. There was nothing in the world so black as thy hair. In the whole world there was nothing so red as thy mouth. Thy voice was a censer that scattered strange perfumes, and when I looked on thee I heard a strange music. Ah! wherefore didst thou not look at me, Iokanaan? With the cloak of thine hands, and with the cloak of thy blasphemies thou didst hide thy face. Thou didst put upon thine eyes the covering of him who would see his God. Well, thou hast seen thy God, Iokanaan, but me, me, thou didst never see. If thou hadst seen me thou hadst loved me. I saw thee, and I loved thee. Oh, how I loved thee! I love thee yet, Iokanaan, I love only thee. . . . I am athirst for thy beauty; I am hungry for thy body; and neither wine nor apples can appease my desire. What shall I do now, Iokanaan? Neither the floods nor the great waters can quench my passion. I was a princess, and thou didst scorn me. I was a virgin, and thou didst take my virginity from me. I was chaste, and thou didst fill my veins with fire. . . Ah! ah! wherefore didst thou not look at me? If thou hadst looked at me thou hadst loved me. Well I know that thou wouldst have loved me, and the mystery of love is greater that the mystery of death.” ,
and “Ah! I have kissed thy mouth, Iokanaan, I have kissed thy mouth. There was a bitter taste on my lips. Was it the taste of blood ? . . . Nay; but perchance it was the taste of love. . . . They say that love hath a bitter taste. . . . But what matter? what matter? I have kissed thy mouth.”
I love them so much, and I often chant this in my heart “Wherefore didst thou not look at me, Iokanaan?” (or the German version “Warum hast du mich nicht angesehen, Jokanaan?”)
By the way, I must say, I got to know Salome because of a fantastic fanvideo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyuuThuZtVo by a girl, I even made a transcription and post https://www.reddit.com/Mathilde_Soliloquy/comments/17af92m/salome_wherefore_didst_thou_not_look_at_me/ about it. (Let me emphasize, I am not quite a shipping fan of Watson and Sherlock Holmes (the video maker she shipped that). Because my thoughts are relatively fluid. For example, sometimes I may not like a certain couple because of the concept of gender politics such as Duryodhana and Karna, but I need to say, the Pandavas are much more evil and vicious than Dhritarashtra (Duryodhana is the eldest among Dhritarashtra) in Mahabharata. Or I just convert my emotions to other couples.)
As for Maria Eleonora von Brandenburg, I kinda like her, for her tempestuous and neurotic love to her husband King Gustav II Adolph, and their marriage was even against the will of her elder brother George William, Elector of Brandenburg," For more than a year Maria Eleonora condemned Christina to a mourning seclusion in rooms draped with black and lit by candles day and night, from which every ray of light was excluded. She made her daughter sleep with her in a bed over which her father's heart was hung in a golden casket. Things were made worse by Maria Eleonora's continual weeping." I love this insane love story except for Eleonora's dismiss and cruelty to her daughter.
But rencently I’ve learned that she was seriously missunderstood, her cruelty to her daughter and the disharmony between the mother and the daughter may be due to the smear campaign by male historians.]
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I almost forgot to talk about the German political parties, uhm, it can be said that none of the six or seven main parties is satisfying. When I was a kid I considered myself an anarchist, but when I grew up I felt that anarchy brings disorder. First of all, I'm an anti-drugs advocate, and not only It's not just the anti-drug propaganda in the country, where I grew up, but also I think that drugs are mentally debilitating and is one of the destabilizing factors in society,which is very dangerous and can be regarded as ruin country and people. In this case, only CDU and AFD are anti-drugs among the main parties, but I'm quite speechless about these two parties, I don't have a good opinion of CDU because of the refugee crisis, and I can never forget the trauma that Cologne, a holy Christian city also the first German city I got to know or had an impression has experienced.
As for AFD, so to speak, may be loved by quite a few people in the China where authoritarianism and nationalism are on the rise. A person has posted in forums that she/he has met Alice Weidel in person and said she stated that refugees were welcome to come to Germany as long as they obeyed the law. This party supposedly does not support LGBT people, personally I would support LGBT people if they weren't involved in breaking the law, I think it's outrageous for someone pretends to be transgender to commit rape and then say that it's a same-sex act that doesn't violate the crime of rape. It's well known that Alice Weidel is a lesbian(does she have some stuff with Reichsbürge? I've heard this scandal), and I think it's also possible that the AFD is using this as a way to quell the controversy and reflect their diversity and inclusiveness.
For the past few years polandball's world map section has often featured right-wing activism in the eastern part of Germany and I remember one year there was a Saxonyball shouting"Raus!Raus!" https://www.reddit.com/polandball/comments/7hgur3/official_polandball_world_map_2017/, which, in my opinion, if some Ausländer can be viewed as poisonous do not abide by German law such as who commit rape then should be strictly punished and get out, if they are harmless and do good to German society it can be welcomed. I really do not understand why EU countries that do not accept refugees have to pay for this in euros, in China there is a proverb goes"who develops, who solves; who pollutes, who protects," at least the European citizens do not owe the refugees it, why is there a shameless official （Clements Ladenburger）when his daughter was raped and killed by refugee can still call for non-discrimination against refugees and support the refugee policy?
But all in all, I think that even though the media does directly label the AFD as far right-wing, there are indeed right-wingers within the party such as Höcke, the AFD shouldn't be taken lightly, because it could buy people's hearts and minds with moderates, and then come to power and purge out the dissidents with heavy-handed tactics, and besides, even if it's the poisonous Ausländer I'm talking about that need to raus, the definitions of what's poisonous can be changed at that point like homosexuals, feminists... Take me as an example, the lesbian part can be hidden quite well, who will know I loved (I was once attacked by haters of two very nice girls of theirs back in 2018 because I spoke up for them online, and it was another girl two years older than me who stood up for and protected me from this internet violence, and I loved her for it) a girl if I don't tell anyone? But when talks about feminism, I cannot hide unless I pretend to be not aware of the patriarchal society. As for Die Grünen(The Greens)，I have nothing but bad impression of it for dismantling nuclear power, forcefully pushing veganism, and the expensive new building heating law.
PS: Texting such a long comment is giving me a headache, I need to listen to my favorite song Jeg Vil to relieve myself

I am not the OOP. The OOP was in u/Puzzleheaded-Tie5558 in TrueOffMyChest
1 Update - small.
Original - 20th October 2023
Update - 7th December 2023 (49 days later)
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I’m amazed by and also kinda afraid of my GF
I’ve (28m) been dating Jen (27f) for 2 years and she’s amazing: kind, smart, funny, pretty, everything. She has a really warm and bubbly personality, smiles and laughs a lot. I say she has RNF (resting nice face). She’s also 5’5” of caged fury.
Between her looks and approachable personality, she gets hit on by guys a lot. She also gets a lot of hate from women. I used to get really jealous when guys talked to her and she would get mad at me for being jealous.
Let me be 100% clear; she’s not particularly flirty, she doesn’t initiate conversations, doesn’t lead guys on, she’s not looking for male attention
I’m 6’1” and somewhat intimidating build, so my go to move is standing tall with my arms crossed and staring at the guy then saying something like “is there an issue”. Instead of immediately jumping in when guys hit on her, and causing an argument with her, I started to pay attention to how she handles unwanted attention. She’s like a ninja deflecting creeps and mean girls.
She reads the situation and knows when to act nice, when to ignore them, when to be firm, and when to leave. I started to realize I don’t need to be jealous and she can take care of herself.
I tore up my knee over the summer. She basically moved in to help me during my surgery and rehab. She’s been amazing. Taking me to things when I couldn’t drive, making me food when I couldn’t even stand, helping me do my PT. I’m still wearing a knee brace, but I’m getting there.
She loves to dance, although I’m terrible, I love going with her because it makes her happy and she looks incredible when she’s dancing. Since my injury we haven’t gone out much and we haven’t gone dancing. I’m not able to dance more than a slow dance, so I got her friends to go out with us so she has someone to dance with (pretty sure she likes dancing with her female friends more, anyway). It was me, Jen, a couple, and two girls. The couple left pretty early.
Watching her dance, I had a moment of clarity. All I could think was how lucky I was that I’d be going home with the person I most loved in the world. I realized I wanted to marry her.
Three attractive women dancing are going to draw attention. I’m no hater, but it was funny watching guys try to hit on them and glad that wasn’t me anymore. This group of guys in particular weren’t getting the hint. They surrounded the girls and tried to dance behind them. Jen said something and pushed them aside. The girls come back to where I was sitting and the guys are glaring at us.
Club closes and we’re walking out towards my car. Turns out the guys weren’t ready to let it go. A couple of the guys were insulting us, especially me for being a “beta”, that I’m not a real man (real incel energy). The irony that they are the guys I should have been “protecting” my GF from was totally lost on them. They’re getting louder and more aggressive, we try to diffuse the situation, but they’re not letting up, a fight seemed inevitable.
We’re a block from the club, so I tell the girls we’re going to head back to where the people waiting for Ubers are standing. They block our way and I’m about ready to get in their faces hoping I can intimidate my way out while the girls get away. I have one bad leg and if someone shoves me I’ll probably fall down, plus there is only one of me.
Jen suddenly releases a stream of insults and obscenities towards these guys and doesn’t let up, I’m not sure she even stopped to take a breath. They were shocked (and so was I) by the genuine rage directed towards them. I’ve never seen her so angry.
They’re backing up while she’s moving towards them screaming. She’s driving them back towards the crowd while also creating a commotion (told you she’s a ninja). Some club goers start to come over and and it’s clear they aren’t on the guys’ side. The guys are embarrassed because they’re getting upbraided by 120lbs of white hot rage.
This is the part where I should be embarrassed my GF, who is 8” shorter and 75lbs lighter, kept me from getting my butt kicked. Honestly though, it was one of the most badass things I’ve ever seen.
TLDR: The same woman that was the most gentle person when I couldn’t walk also stared down a group of creeps outside a club.
She’s a keeper. I better get a ring on this one before she realizes she can do better.
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Comments
BaseTensMachine
I wish guys would take cues like this better. I've had bfs really misread a situation and start fights that put me in danger-- caught an elbow to the face once, thanks so much Jeff, you big strong man you. Good luck with your girl!

OOP: Sorry to hear about catching the elbow.
It was tough to control my feelings at first. We go to (until the injury) a lot of places places where single people meet (concerts, festivals, bars, clubs, rec sports, climbing gym) so guys are already looking for women to chat up.
Not a great reflection on me, but one of the reasons I started to pay attention to her interactions was because I wanted to prove she was being flirty and that was the real problem. Well, I realized she wasn’t and she was giving me no reason to be jealous.

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Update
Thank you to everyone that read and commented on my previous post. I was a nervous wreck writing it. I was trying to work up the courage to talk to her about our future and make sure we were on the same page. I knew she loves me and wants to be my wife, but she has a lot she wants to achieve, like going to grad school. I would have understood if she wanted to wait to get engaged, it still would have hurt though.
She was sitting on the couch, reading a book, and I was just looking at her. I was thinking, “she’s so amazing, just talk to her, every thing will be fine”. She looked at me through her big dumb glasses and smiled. That was final push I needed. Fortunately we were both in the same place and ready to take the next step.
We just went on a long weekend. We were walking to a little spot with a beautiful view for a picnic and I pretended to stumble and reinjure my knee. Pretty sure she didn’t buy it, but she played along. She loved the ring and of course accepted.
My previous post was a love/appreciation letter ABOUT her. I also wrote one TO her that was much different and more personal. I wrote it by hand to give to her when I proposed. She cried when I proposed and again when she read the letter.
I also showed her the post later that day. She liked it, I got a couple of little laughs and a loving look from her. She said I was exaggerating; those guys were all talk, she’s not a badass, men don’t flirt with her that often, women are rarely mean to her, and she’d kick my ass if I said otherwise (she was joking about that last part, I hope). I’m sticking by what I wrote. She’s a tough badass in my eyes.
It really enjoyed writing both the post and the letter, so I started hand writing her little letters and poems. They’re pretty bad, but she keeps each one, she even printed the post and saved that. She tells me she loves my writing because it makes her feel more connected when I express my feelings. I think that’s her way of saying it’s the thought that counts.
I’m amazed by and kinda afraid of my fiancée.
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Comments
ImaBananaPie_
This made me smile despite having a really bad day, she sounds extremely cool but so do you. I wish you a great life together

OOP: Thank you. Hoping you have a better day.

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I am not the OOP. Do not harass the OOP.

Chat: Can we see the three of you play mahjong together (Fy, Chalice, Somnus)?
Somnus: If Fy continues to play, then for ESL, it will probably be just me and Chalice doing commentary. We will "perfectly bring in" the perspective of the 2nd and 3rd position in AR for commentary (referring to the live broadcast commenting from the player's first-person view, like if I solo killed that guy or get solo killed by them, which is commonly used by them for fun).
Chat: Why stop playing professionally?
Somnus: First off, I'm a bit tired, playing is very tiring, and then let me tell you why I decided to play this year, and you'll know why I won't next year. I wasn't planning to play originally; it wasn't for anything else, not for money or fame, I just felt like playing Dota. In the first half of the year, streaming was very relaxing for me, but I felt like I needed a goal. I can be idle for a while, but not all the time. So, quite coincidentally, I mentioned it to them and it went smoothly from there. Next year, who knows, after watching so many games, I might feel like playing again, haha (joking). But I've had my fun, the excitement has ended, the passionate phase is over, I've reached a plateau. You're right, it's like "sage mode(In chinese, it refers to refractory period after sex)" (responding to chat) so I think I'll just not play at this stage. We hope our competition can bring hope to the audience at home and abroad who follow me, I hope to become a spiritual pillar for you all. First, all three of us are veteran players, and when we stream and chat with you guys, there's no distance. It's like your friend is competing, you're happy when he wins, and sad when he loses. That's the relationship between us three and you guys. We play relaxed, and you should feel comfortable too. We've done what we could, and the results aren't bad, at least we beat BB, haha. Next year, I still don't feel like playing, I don't want you guys to see a lame side of me. Let's rest for now. Although we're quite handsome in the arena (laughs), watching the games live brings us closer, doesn't it? Although this year everyone was not optimistic about the Chinese team, I could still feel everyone's enthusiasm. Even though there were no great expectations, everyone watched the games with a spectator's mindset, no one blamed the players, which is very beneficial for the positive development of public opinion in the professional circle. Maybe everyone's getting older, some have gotten married and started families, some have started working, right?
Chat: Would you consider being a coach?
Somnus: I can't be a coach, I can't stand watching from below. Maybe after I become a coach, after watching them practice for a few days, I'll say: Hey, that's not right, brother, you go watch, let me show you how it's done, learn a bit, haha (joking).
Chat: Wu Guan Chao La Er(The Unchampioned yet Superior to Larl) has sent a gift.
Somnus: Thanks to Wu Guan Chao La Er(Larl) for the gift.
Somnus is called Wu Guan Chao by haters because they sarcastically say that Somnus's fans are brainless, thus the poem "Wu Guan Chao Su Hou, Dan Ya Nve Qi Ji"(The Unchampioned yet Superior to Sumail, Mastering over Miracle with a Second Place), was coined. The 'Wu' in Wu Guan Chao is a very common last game in China(Wu Guan Chao also makes sense as a Chinese name). Somnus often praised Larl before TI, saying he wanted to surpass Larl and become Larl(Refer: https://www.reddit.com/DotA2/comments/1727ik6/somnus_on_larl/)
Somnus: This year I really felt everyone's passion, and I'm very happy and satisfied. Although I was a bit down when we lost to GG, my feelings were complicated. Because I didn't feel the same kind of loss as when I lost at TI before, I just felt a bit of regret, not winning, not having enough fun, but still very lucky. The live audience was still cheering us on. (Sniffles, might be a bit of crying)
Somnus: I'd really like to play in the Esports World Cup , haha, I feel the stage for such an event should be huge, even though the TI prize isn't high, but the stage feels right, it's still in Seattle. Just to the taste. The audience that didn't go to the site wouldn't know, it felt like almost half were Chinese.
Chat: Talks about your scrims with other teams
Somnus: Spirit in scrims isn't impressive; they perform a tier higher in matches than in practice. We even had a 50-50 with Spirit during practice, which can't be taken seriously. We didn't practice single game as 5 before the TI (because of Asian Games) and only started training in Seattle. But the scrims went well. We didn't train much with GG, and it felt quite even when we did. We practiced the most with Spirit. Before the group stage was over, we were constantly practicing with our good brothers EG and also VP. We felt that VP got stronger training with us (laughs), almost beat Spirit. We didn't practice much with the other teams.From what our team leader said, BB wouldn't practice with us, but it feels like the others in BB are okay, they don't really dislike us. It's just that Pure seems to be a bit dramatic, especially disliking us. When we smoke or get some air at the hotel downstairs, the others from BB would greet us, but Pure just gives us the cold shoulder, acting all high and mighty. So, when we knocked them out in the playoffs, we specifically looked for Pure's photo to appreciate, feeling he must have been mentally shattered, covering his face.
Chat: Why did VP's mid join your guild (which is actually Somnus' wife Xiao ke's guild)?
Somnus: Well, VP's mid did join our guild. The lad is impressive, has a bold character, just a bit young and lacking experience in major tournaments.
Let me tell you another thing, about 天命 (Pos 5 in AR). The first day we went to the main stage to play against LGD, he went to the restroom four times in an hour. Chalice went a few times too and said he saw 天命 there every single f**ing time. He was scared to pee without even playing(laughs). Big Dick(LaNm) also encouraged us, saying we've done well to get this far, bite as much as we can, just play our own Dota. I think this makes a lot of sense. For newcomers(天命 and lou), it's too normal to feel pressure. Think about it, chat, if it were you up there, on the final stage of TI, with only a few teams left, reaching the top 6 into top 3, wouldn't you be nervous, wouldn't your play be affected? When we played against GG, it felt like the lineup wasn't discussed beforehand, we got destoryed in the first game, and in the second, we went out as 5 when game began, fought Spirit Bear, and gave away five kills (laughs). Actually, I had thought about it, really, if we made it to the finals, I would've picked Shadow Fiend just for fun, that's what I really wanted. But I wouldn't force it, just ask my brothers for their opinion. It's BO5 anyway, haha.
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Chat: Please team up with Old Chicken, we would love to see that.
Somnus: (After got impatient with chats' continuous comments about Old Chiken) For next year's team, I'm considering teaming up with Old Chicken(His career took a turn when his PA got one-shotted by Miracle-'s Earthshaker with a crit of 2700, and then his Alchemist with 6-armor died back in the Fnatic's fountain, leading to a game-turning defeat and his retirement. Since then, he has become a meme-style streamer, but he maintains good relationships with Ame and Somnus) If he joins us, we might drop from DPC S tier to B tier, turning us into Big SB(short for shabi)
Source: Somnus's Stream

Hey Boo,
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I have been listening to Marcus Aurelius and Stoicism recently, it's helping me see the value in leadership skills and how to view my life while working around certain types of people. Reminded me of you again and I just wanted to share. Maybe you don't like Stoicism like that.
I’ve been receiving so many mixed feelings about this “situationship”, I’m just as frustrated as you are. Believe me! I really don’t know how else to grasp your attention, this was the only way I could think of and I wanted to be more discrete about it and erase the last attempts to show you, I’m over the finger pointing. I did my best to move on and start over so many times and you kept showing up. I will try this time to explain how we have been in communication. You may understand, because I know you work with Dark and Light in this life. You can’t hide everything from yourself. You called me you “other half” when you introduced me to your coworker. I felt so good inside when you said that. It started to feel like we were already playing the part well.
I knew when you got your job, that was when it was getting near the end and the baby was on the way, Saya or whatever her name was going to be…
Was she ever born?
Did she die in that in place for the supposed “sacrifice” for the divine feminine/high priestess/twin flame ritual you did with that baby mama?
You wanted me to die so you can have your new career. I was so hurt, I threw up in my mouth when Suz told me she saw you doing a threesome sex ritual with candles with that baby mama and another man and that you are gay. That was your secret and you were going to divorce me for your polyamorous lifestyle and being in the closet, having boyfriends and side chicks and a wife…. She said you already had a baby and you kept flaunting that child bringing him up all the time and all I wanted to do was GIVE YOU A BABY. So you can have your OWN FAMILY with ME and not THAT WOMAN! You kept "pretending" to be with her like a husband, you treated her like you would a family man. You treated that child like he was more than just your nephew.
I know she was more than your friend and she was all over my account to stalk me and study me, just as much as you were pretending to court me.
Why did you introduce me to your family and take me to San Diego and kept talking about marrying me and starting our life together?
Why did you bring me so many flowers, lunch and gifts to my job so often?
Did you put spell work, menstrual blood and graveyard dirt in that food you gave me?
What medications did you put in the food and drinks you gave me?
Were those flowers from a graveyard?
Were your letters and poems really written for me?
Did you use my song I wrote for my Dad and let someone take credit for my gifts God gave me?
I knew you were in my life still when I had trouble getting a job anywhere when I moved to Seattle. Every job would pretend they forgot they hired me and told me something else fell through. I was un-hired and they said someone called in personally and gave them a bad review about my character. Every job I’ve had, it would have some issue with gossiping and then I would be disrespected and set up to be fired or bullied to the point I quit so they don’t have to fire me. I’ve had jobs play with my paychecks and not pay me for 3 months, two jobs did that to me. I should have went through the company and make a serious complaint, but I just allowed it to take that long to process…. I have people from every angle sabotaging my life and career no matter what I do or where I go…. I know I have someone following my every move and making blocks in my path to stop me from succeeding at anything.
I gave up because I feel defeated. My spirit is crushed. When you broke up with me after treating me like I could never do you any harm. You spoiled me so much, gave me so much attention, affection, you built my self confidence and I felt so special and invincible in my heart and I was completely in love with you. I gave you a letter to try and test out how you would feel about my cute ideas to show you my love language…. I was honest from the very start….
I gave you access to my whole life because of how well you treated me. Like a diamond. There was no worry for me to wonder if letting you help me with my serious life decisions. You offered to re-do my resume and help me look more professional for when I started to apply for jobs as a teacher. I let you see my email accounts, birth certificate, you wanted to help me with my passport and maybe teach in China…. You saw my computer and cell phones I had stored away not working….. I gave you everything Boo, because I trusted you. Because I was in love and saw you as my husband. I have no ounce of evil against you ever and I don’t know what it was that I did to make you break up with me. Was I that horrible that you just change your mind so suddenly when I applied to get my masters and not move away?
That baby needed to have your attention and your new job and that woman you kept calling all the time around me and taking care of her son as if he was yours, but you said you’re his uncle…..
Boo, that really hurts inside that you made me believe you were so proud of my accomplishments, and you went to church with me, and you took me on a trip to the ocean. No one has ever treated me with such respect and adoration, and I just loved you for allowing to let me experience that….
I don’t regret meeting you….. I regret how I ended it….
I knew all of this was going to happen. I was warned by a co-worker when you kept bringing me flowers and lunch to work and I was about to go on that trip with you. I was so happy and everyone around me was so annoyed at how in their faces you kept bringing me so many things when I was working…. There was one nurse that yelled at me on the floor when I was carrying the flowers,
“TINA! STOP SHOWING OFF!”
I’ve never tried to show off. The flowers were so big, I couldn’t help but show off and I felt so wonderful inside…. Since my Dad died, I’ve never felt that emotion in a very long time for anyone….
I had to shred everything, and I want to go back and find it all again, because I miss your words…. I miss having a part of you around me, but I had to walk away completely, that meant…. I had to destroy everything that made me happy about what we were….
I keep seeing you in everything I do, it’s very weird and confusing…. I was trying my best to move on with my other version of you…. I tried to keep it all to myself….. I tried so hard to not think of you and it just doesn’t stop….. Why don’t you see?! I’m so done with this just as much as you are, but you keep showing up and asking me to show you this…. You kept asking me to reach out to you and I kept fighting and fighting, my dignity is tarnished and I know you are manipulating my life and reputation…. Please just accept that I’m sorry Boo….. I’m sorry about telling you anything about Suz….. I know this is all about Suz and the stupid things I’ve said to you. I’m sorry…. I wish I didn’t have to feel like I must share this in public eye…. I still love you very much, but I know it’s not going to happen. I know you belong to someone else and we have an “Ungodly Soul Tie” when we decided to lay down together….
I feel so calm inside when I’m around you. I miss that experience the most when I think of you. You show up in my dream state and we act like we always have together. We have a life and family in another parallel universe. You have a job teaching psychology and I went into a form of music therapy/psychology practice and I did teaching on the side…. We have two children, Joseph and Eva Adriana. You were very involved with your religious practice and led worship in different ways because of how much time you give to being a professor. We both are living out our dream together and very happy, that’s the man I know and love so much…. Not the one that’s reading about my other life in another world…. This is why I sleep a lot…. I miss you, so I go over there. We meet up with Suz, Ron and my Dad and talk about life, the Bible, philosophy, physics, math, symbols, mythological creatures and ancient history. Arizona has so many mysteries. Something big is gonna happen there like it has before many times. I’ve had so many dreams about it, I want to tell you in another letter about that. Just really trippy stuff and I don’t like to bring it up because I’m afraid when Suz told me in “real” life….
“When you sleep, that is when you live your true life. When you are awake, you are dreaming.”
I got very nervous about that, because I see so many freaky things and do a lot of stuff in my dreams I’m not proud of….. I eat food and I learned that means it's witchcraft in a dream. I’ve even had sex with this octopus lady that looked like Ursula and alien abductions…. I hate anything that has to do with Aliens because I dream about them right after and it’s not dreams I feel safe in and I can’t just wake up when I want to.
I’ve seen my Dad try to help me navigate my way around the evil when I’m dreaming and how to protect myself. Then you show up Boo and calm me down and hold me close to your heart and put your forehead on mine and we just stop time…. We don’t need to talk to each other, we just know everything we need to say or do and we just “feel” our communication. I can’t explain how euphoric it feel when I’m around you, but that’s what I love most about knowing who you truly are. I feel so safe and aware of my surroundings. Knowing you in this life and you’re the exact opposite of what love is and what you were really doing with me… God isn’t going to allow you to continue using my Sacral Energy so you can live your life without me….. You can’t give my “life’s purpose” to another person and hope and pray to another God that I die…. We both have the same birthday…. Were you going to let her have my birth certificate and steal my identity?
You can’t fake my gifts that God and my PARENTS TOGETHER passed on to me…
You can’t just snatch my soul and trap it after I die and steal my gifts from God.
You can’t keep me locked in another 7 year life cycle with you again.
I know how to heal myself, turn to God and ask for protection over EVIL prayed upon me.
The other YOU in another world is very in tune with God and all you do is Preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ. You are not this demonic in nature.
Who would turn down my beautifully written love letters?
They are all meant for YOU!
I see You in my heart when I write them.
I feel you in my soul when those words fall out of me and onto a piece of paper.
Something told me to write to you, because someday you’re gonna need the uplifting encouragement.
I love you so much, that yes, I’m ignoring all the warning signs you have shown me that you are dangerous….. That I can die from being in contact with you and reaching out. I know about Hoovering and Flying Monkeys and secret surveillance cameras hidden around my whole life, stolen property and break in’s happen to me where ever I go…. Bad luck just follows me….. I’m very much aware that I may die if I post this and make it public. I still love you anyways and I want you to know that….
I’m not afraid of you.
I still want to be with you and I don’t know why.
I wish that you would stop placing blockages in my life, career and relationships.
Please allow me to move on.
I understand that you never wanted closure and you’ve been denying it to me because you are a narcissist. You are only here for your Ego boost and I am a game to you.
I understand it all and Boo, I just want to move on….
I wanted to talk to you in person because that’s more appropriate than this, but knowing that you’ve been in the background being super creepy…. I am emotionally damaged and I am healing from this new discovery about your true character….
I still love you and I hate myself for it, but that’s the curse of an Empath…
I just care too much for others that really don’t deserve it.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my life anymore because I’ve allowed you to hold power against me unknowingly…. I always had an idea of what was happening, but I didn’t want to believe it.
You know I can’t just go to the police about this and I’m not going to. I just want you to know that I’m aware and I’m sorry for allowing Suz to call you and leave you that voicemail and the angry comments I left on YT for you to thumbs up and show me you saw them…. I’m sorry Boo…. I really hope you’re not really all those things the internet and Suz told me you are…. I really hope this is all fake, but you don’t want to meet with me in person to talk this out like adults. So here I am, putting my life on the line to ask you in public and I can’t be ashamed about my past anymore….
I really would like to just know why you broke up with me and let me go energetically.
I really would like you to stop visiting me in my dreams and asking me for help.
I really would like that you stop doing your weird stuff to keep track of me.
I want you to stop harassing me and my career, stop spreading lies about me and my character.
I want to start over my life and do right by God.
I’m not going to do anything to hurt myself anymore.
I’m going to take account of all my mistakes and wrongdoings and try to make my life right with everyone. Especially you Boo. You are the inspiration to how I got out of my depression.
I thought of you when I went back into leadership roles and when I went back to church. I always pictured you and what you would say back to me and the questions you may think up asking to keep the conversation going and you did all those things and encouraged me to be a better version of myself every day…. While the other you was the one wishing all the negative events to unfold before me….. Boo, you only made this more complicated and I “GREW” like you told me too. I thought you would be proud of me when I showed you all my letters. I didn’t think it was only encouraging you to make fun of me more with your crowd of haters….
What did I do to cause so much hate toward me?
I can’t do anything, but “let it go” because I’m never going to get an answer from you. I’m never going to hold you one last time…. For even seeing you in person, you just want to get into my energy and attach to it so you can run off again and I live your bad karma…..
Just stay over there and continue to read my letters in private and laugh at me. I know it makes you feel good at night knowing that I go to bed with all this in my head and I’m remembering you, but…..
You’re never going to show up. You’re never going to actually do anything for me.
You never loved me.
You never cared….
You only want to see me fail and watch me cry.
I felt sick around you all the time, to the point my stomach hurt and I was going to throw up. Now I know that was your dark energy and I can’t physically be around you.
You hate me so much, that I felt that pain and sickness. I make you feel sick to your stomach.
Why you left, you had too. You made me so sick I felt like I was dying…. I don’t know what kind of spell work does that, but I really had to leave the state, I felt better in every way emotionally and physically when I left….. God found a way to get me out of there.
I don’t want to believe you are what everything says you are, but your silence is showing me what the truth is…. My gifts are showing me what is really going on and all I can do is watch and allow this chaos to silently unfold.
I’m never going to know anything about what you’re doing, because this is so bat-shit crazy to even post on the internet, but I’m going to do it….
Because I’m tired of waiting, I’m tired of trying to ask you in a way that is discreet. You don’t want be an adult about this conversation we are supposed to have….
This meeting is never going to happen and I’m accepting of it now.
I still love you anyways and I must forgive you…. So I can move on….
I’m doing this for myself, so I can let you go and let you know what I know, but that’s not going to change anything. All I can do is ask you to let me completely go and we both can be,
Two ships passing in the night.
Tina,

this one, while not particularly well written, is somewhat charged, but basically the back story of this is the last few times ive been out ive been getting harassed a lot despite being masc and engaged. Its something i have been struggling with a lot and it is so hard with the curent discourse online and even in person with family and others who just dont seem to view me, others like me and women in general as a part of society.
I grew up mormon and sexual assault and harassment is so brushed under the rug it is insane and being called a man hater constantly is so draining because it just invalidates all the shit that myself and so many other people have to put up with, so i decided to just go with it. So here is my shitty poem i have written at 3am
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I will not smile
I will not thank
I will not flirt or gently brush your arm
It will make me sick, a deep agony in my middle
I will hate you
I will despise you
I will fear you
For all that you’ve done, you expect so much
You will want my name
You will get selfish
You will always ask for more
And for that you are and always will be below me
you will never get more than what i want to give
You will not be given anything
You will take what isnt given
Like a child who wants and wants and wants
You are a menace
A danger to society
And you will laugh when you i tell you this
You will laugh when i tell you that whatever you got
Was not given, but was taken
You will laugh when i tell you that i fear you
Because you will never understand my fear
You will laugh when i say youre a danger to society
“but im only one man”
And i am only all women

I have changed my mind on it, O Bengal, for being such a racist.
I have changed my mind on it, O World, for being such a genocide embracist.
Can I just be me, O Bengal, for I hate being with war along with thee.
Can I just be me, O World, as sanctions just get the worst of me.

• The Government

We never ever want war in our lands.
To be honest, I want the war to stop, without any of my demands.
You be whatever you want to be and I will be whatever I want.
And I shall try to stop the war, war is nothing but a haunt.

• The Ubas

We will not give up on Bengal, for they are traitors.
They are now aggressive and we are the haters.
If they do not give up, so won’t we.
We will shoo the Bengalis as far as our eyes can see.

• The Shikais

We are all having war, it is not my fault.
We want this war to end and bring it to a halt.
But the others are just looking, chugging on wine.
Supporting the Bengali Caliphate and bombing our most prestigious shrine.

• The Macons

Oh bro, I am not making a poem like all the others,
To justify my statement unlike them suckers.
Meet our demands Bengal, please do
and just a reminder, Akbar, we are coming for you

• The Shotis

I, (14f) , had a friend who sent one of her poems to our friend group chat. Which I thought was really good. One of my other friends didn't really think so. She has always been negative and stubborn about so many things and has a habit of bringing us down and talking about herself. Even in the worst times. She said that the poem was not-understandable and had no context (even though it did) I told her, plainly and clearly, how rude it was. She still didn’t understand what she said was wrong and continued to add to it. I blocked her because I didn’t want to fight anymore. I am even open to the decision of unblocking her because she is, most of the time, a decent friend. Then, she freaked out and asked why I would block her over a poem that wasn’t even mine. And said it wasn’t my place to be arguing with her. Throughout this entire time, I have been calm and respectful.
But then I gave her the clear answer, “you are being rude, and it’s frustrating that you don’t understand it. I have been so patient with you throughout the years we have been friends. But this is where I draw the line. You go and attack something someone is very passionate about and play it out like it’s a minor inconvenience. It’s disgusting. I blocked you because you always do this and I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t get what you don’t understand about that. Ever heard the expression: ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all’” I said in a text. I may have called her stupid…and I fully regret it and don’t believe it at all.
She went ahead and went full ham on me: “I’m sorry that you can’t handle constructive criticism. You will never be ready for the real world where ever you turn, there will be a hater. You need to grow up. Honestly thanks, thank you for showing me how bad of a person you actually are. It’s disgusting. You truly are an awful person and I wish you the best because well, you clearly need it. Also, I don’t think I was being stupid. I think that you are too sensitive to handle basic shit. Grow up.” Then she proceeded to send me texts on our private chats that I don’t have silenced so I would read what she said about me.
I have been told this so. Many. Times. That I am too sensitive and I’m never going to make it in life. 8 people told me that. 8 people. Some were my family members. I really started to get in my head about it. It hit me right where it hurt. And she knew that. She knew that I have a problem with my future. And she threatened to use it against me. She knew people. She threatened to tell people. And she eventually did. She told one of my other friends. AND SHE STILL DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE DID WRONG.
Now everyone is mad at me and I’m panicking while writing this because I believe that I was being so stupid. And this. This was all over a poem. That, ha get ready for the irony here, the poem was about friends backstabbing each other.
Edit: I unblocked her and apologized but she still hasn’t apologized to me after what she said to me and the distress she caused.