Let's get this out of the way first....I was born with a degenerative muscle disorder and I use a power wheelchair. I have severe muscle weakness throughout my entire body which includes my cardiac and pulmonary muscles. As you can imagine dating is a bit more difficult for me but I have found love on Reddit before so I’m back to find it again.
A LITTLE ABOUT ME: I would definitely call myself an introvert. I'm extremely even-tempered so it takes a lot to piss me off and/or offend me. I'm a good listener and very easy to talk to, I have been described by previous partners as genuine, kind and sweet. In person I can come across as quiet and shy at first but, I just need a little time to get comfortable with someone before I really open up. Me---https://imgur.com/a/Qf6HHVg
Some things I enjoy....
-Making people smile/laugh
-Watching sports(Padres and Chargers)
-The cringiest of puns d4d jokes
-Standup comedy...Tom Segura, Bill Burr, Bert Kreischer, Andrew Schulz, Bobby Lee, Norm MacDonald, Mark Normand, Dave Chapelle, and many more.
-Collecting Batman memorabilia
-Podcasts like YMH, Tigerbelly, Kill Tony, TYSO, 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bad Friends, etc.
-Music...I mostly like Alternative and Classic Rock but I'm into some pop and open to everything really. Foo Fighters, Wet Leg, Cage The Elephant, RHCP, Queen, The Eagles, AURORA, and so many more
-Going to concerts
-Shows...Currently watching Hacks on Max. all time favorite show is Breaking Bad
-Watching movies like horror, thrillers, sci-fi, comedy, and Super Hero stuff is fun Taskmaster!
ABOUT YOU: I’m looking for my best friend and partner, someone who wants a serious relationship. I want someone who is kind and compassionate, trustworthy and genuine. Someone with a sense of (sometimes dark)humor who can make me laugh and doesn’t take themselves too seriously. Someone who is not afraid to be silly sometimes. As for location, the closer the better so it's easier to meet up but I don’t mind long distance as long as there is a plan to see each other often. It would be ideal if you could eventually relocate because that is currently not an option for me.
To show me that you’ve read the entire post and are serious please include the word football in your message. If you have any questions regarding my condition please feel free to ask me ANYTHING.
Don’t be put off by my disability, I don’t bite (unless you're into that ;)

DAY: May 27 2024
5-27-2024

THE CASE FOR OMEGA-3 SUPPLEMENTATION TO LOWER AGGRESSION

People who regularly eat fish or take fish oil supplements are getting omega-3 fatty acids, which play a critical role in brain function. Research has long shown a basis in the brain for aggressive and violent behavior, and that poor nutrition is a risk factor for behavior problems. Penn neurocriminologist Adrian Raine has for years been studying whether omega-3 supplementation could therefore reduce aggressive behavior, publishing five randomized controlled trials from different countries. He found significant effects but wanted to know whether these findings extended beyond his laboratory.
5-27-2024

WHAT ARE ALTERNATIVES TO OZEMPIC AND WEGOVY AND ARE THEY SAFE?

With summer around the corner, telehealth outlets and medical spas are going into hyperdrive advertising the sale of semaglutide, the active ingredient in popular weight-loss drugs Ozempic and Wegovy. Recent shortages of the brand-name drugs have opened the door to copycat versions that, while legal, also raise some concerns for consumers, says Kelly Ann Barnes, Northeastern professor of pharmacy law. The copycat drugs are made by specialized pharmacies known as compounding pharmacies, which are allowed by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to make off-label
5-27-2024

FIVE BASIC HABITS MAY HOLD THE KEY TO GOOD MENTAL HEALTH

Professor Nick Titov’s professional goal is to make himself redundant. he wants to empower more people with mild to moderate anxiety and depression to understand what they can do each day to care for their mental health. As part of this mission, Professor Titov and his team developed The Big 5, an evidence-based program encouraging five broad types of activities that are strongly linked with good mental health when performed regularly. Everyone’s
5-27-2024

COVID-19 FORECASTING TOOL ALLOWED HOSPITAL TO MANAGE PATIENT CAPACITY, RESOURCES AMID PANDEMIC’S THIRD WAVE

During the peak of the third wave of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2021, the health-care system’s capacity was stretched and hospitals across Canada relied on each other to share resources and provide care. Experts from
5-27-2024

RESEARCHERS IDENTIFY IMMUNE DYSFUNCTION AS A POSSIBLE ASPECT OF POLYCYSTIC OVARY SYNDROME PATHOLOGY

The peripubertal DHT-induced mouse model is a non-obese but insulin-resistant model of PCOS. a) Experimental design. b) Fat mass. c) Insulin levels at baseline and 15 min following glucose administration. d) Blood glucose levels during oGTT. e) HOMA-IR, calculated from fasted glucose and insulin levels. f) Glycosylated hemoglobin levels (HbA1c). A new study shows that hyperandrogenism—a key characteristic of polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)—affects immune cell populations in reproductive, metabolic and immunological tissues in a PCOS-like mouse model. These findings are of great importance as
5-27-2024

RESEARCH IDENTIFIES BRAIN NETWORK LINK TO STUTTERING

Common acquired neurogenic stuttering network. Common areas that were sensitive and specific across both neurogenic stuttering cohorts. Amy = amygdala; ASt = amygdalostriatal transition area; Cl = claustrum; Pall = Pallidum; Put = putamen. A new study published in the journal Brain has identified a specific brain network hub that plays a key role in stuttering. The research, by Te Whare W?nanga o Waitaha University of Canterbury (UC) Associate Professor Catherine Theys, examines two different types of stuttering—developmental and acquired—to show a clear neural
5-27-2024

THYROID DISEASE ISN’T THE END FOR YOUR CAREER PROSPECTS, REPORT FINDS

How employers behave toward workers experiencing thyroid dysfunction could play a critical part in addressing the UK’s labor market challenges. With long-term sickness on the rise in the UK, researchers at the University of Aberdeen Business School have marked World Thyroid Day (May 25) by releasing new findings which, for the first time, explore the relationship between employer sympathy and the labor market prospects of people with thyroid conditions. One in 20 people in the UK have a thyroid problem, with a significant majority of sufferers being women. Posing serious
5-27-2024

STUDY FINDS HIGH-INCOME EARNERS AT LOWER RISK OF DYING FROM STROKE

High-income earners have a 32% lower risk of dying after a stroke compared to low-income earners. The equivalent for high education is 26% lower risk. The differences in stroke survival linked to socioeconomics are striking, according to a study at the University of Gothenburg.
5-27-2024

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE COULD ALLEVIATE LONELINESS, SAYS EXPERT

Artificial Intelligence (AI) technology could offer companionship to lonely people amid an international epidemic of loneliness, says a robotics expert. Tony Prescott, a professor of cognitive robotics at the University of Sheffield, argues in his new book “The Psychology of Artificial Intelligence” that “relationships with AIs could support people” with forms of social interaction. Loneliness has been found to seriously impair human health, and Professor Prescott makes a case that advances in AI technology could offer a partial solution. He argues that people can spiral into loneliness, becoming
5-27-2024

ALZHEIMER’S REPORT HIGHLIGHTS IMMENSE CAREGIVER BURDEN—AND POTENTIAL WAYS FORWARD

Some 7 million Americans live with Alzheimer’s, and about 11 million provide unpaid care for them. Dementia caregiving can present unique challenges, including financial burdens and time constraints, as well as health complications. A report this year from the Alzheimer’s Association demonstrates the true cost of caregiving for those with the disease and calls to establish dementia care navigation throughout the U.S. to lift this burden. Not only is the estimated value of unpaid care near $14 billion in Pennsylvania alone, the report also revealed emotional and physical tolls. Nearly
5-27-2024

US FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION APPROVES ARTIFICIAL PANCREAS SYSTEM

An artificial pancreas developed by researchers at the University of Cambridge has been granted approval by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for use by individuals with type 1 diabetes aged 2 and older, including during pregnancy. This means that even more people living with the disease will be able to use this life-changing app. For the first time, the FDA authorized the use of the artificial pancreas system in pregnancy. CamAPS FX, produced by Cambridge spinout company CamDiab, is an Android app that can
5-27-2024

RESEARCH SAYS POMEGRANATES COULD OFFER A SOLUTION TO FATTY LIVER DISEASE

Researchers at Edith Cowan University (ECU) are investigating the effects ellagic acid, an antioxidant found in some fruits and vegetables, could have on halting and potentially reversing the damage caused by fatty liver disease. Non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD) is the physiological manifestation of obesity in the liver. The prevalence of NAFLD has increased from 25.24% in 2015 to 29.38% in 2021, and this condition now accounts for 45.8% of all cases of chronic-liver-disease-related deaths worldwide. There currently exists no treatment for the long-term management of NAFLD; however, dietary interventions
5-27-2024

MAGIC MUSHROOMS MAY ONE DAY TREAT ANOREXIA, BUT NOT JUST YET

Anorexia nervosa is a severe mental health disorder where people fear weight gain. Those with the disorder have distorted body image and hold rigid beliefs their body is too big. They typically manage this through restricted eating, leading to the serious medical consequences of malnutrition. Anorexia has one of the highest death rates of any mental illness. Yet there are currently no effective drug treatments and the outcomes of psychotherapy (talk therapy) are poor. So we’re desperately in need of new and improved treatments. Psilocybin, commonly known as magic mushrooms,
5-27-2024

STUDY FINDS FEEDING INFANTS PEANUT PRODUCTS PROTECTS AGAINST ALLERGY INTO ADOLESCENCE

Feeding children peanuts regularly from infancy to age five reduced the rate of peanut allergy in adolescence by 71%, even after many years when the children ate or avoided peanut as desired. The new findings provide conclusive evidence that introducing peanuts into babies’ diets early will achieve long-term prevention of peanut allergy. Lead investigator Professor Gideon Lack from King’s College London said, “Decades of advice to avoid peanuts has made parents fearful of introducing peanuts at an early age. The evidence is clear that early introduction of peanut in infancy
5-27-2024

EATING MORE FRUITS AND VEGETABLES MAY LEAD TO OPTIMAL SLEEP DURATION

Good health depends on a healthy diet and sufficient exercise and sleep. There are clear associations among these components; for example, good nutrition provides energy for exercise, and many people report that getting enough exercise is important to their ability to get enough sleep. So how might nutrition affect sleep? A new study looks at the connection between fruit and vegetable intake and sleep duration.
5-27-2024

MONITORING THE H5N1 AVIAN INFLUENZA, BIRD FLU, OUTBREAK

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention continues to actively monitor the ongoing outbreak of H5N1 avian influenza, also known as bird flu, and says that the public health risk remains low. Dr. Matthew Binnicker, director of the Clinical Virology Laboratory at Mayo Clinic, says scientists and public health officials have known about avian influenza for decades. “What’s different today is that since 2020, we’re seeing the largest outbreak of avian influenza among wild birds, poultry and backyard bird flocks,” he says. “The virus has also been found in certain
5-27-2024

INTERNATIONAL STUDY REVEALS SURPRISING TWIST IN HOW DIABETES DRUGS HELP THE HEART

A randomized, placebo-controlled clinical trial has revealed surprising new insights into how SGLT2 inhibitor drugs, originally developed for diabetes, benefit patients with heart failure. Contrary to common assumptions, these drugs may improve cardiac outcomes and heart health without acting as diuretics. Heart failure is a condition where the heart cannot pump enough blood to meet the body’s demands, often leading to fluid
5-27-2024

FIRST SEIZURE CLINICS REDUCE THE NEED FOR FUTURE HEALTH CARE, RESEARCHERS FIND

Clinics specializing in first seizures reduce the need for patients to present at emergency departments or be admitted to hospital later, Monash University-led research has found. Timely attendance, particularly within 14 days of the seizure, was associated with reduced subsequent all-cause emergency presentations and all-cause hospital admission. Later hospital admissions were reduced by about 25%. First author Dr. Yingtong Li, an adjunct
5-27-2024

CELL-TARGETING TECHNOLOGY CAN ISOLATE NEURONAL SUBPOPULATIONS AND LINK THEM TO BEHAVIORAL STATES

As gene sequencing technologies become more powerful, our understanding of cellular diversity has grown in parallel. This led scientists at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital to
5-27-2024

WATCH OUT FOR THESE HIGH HEAT DANGER SIGNS

Climate change is pushing daytime summer temperatures higher for longer periods of time, and that can spell real danger for folks who work outside, like gardeners and landscapers. Protecting yourself in the heat and knowing the warning signs of heat-related illness is crucial, said Chris Enroth, horticulture educator at University of Illinois Extension. He should know: It happened to him. “When I was working as a landscaper, we had to sod a large backyard during a day when the temperature was over 100 degrees Fahrenheit,” Enroth said. “We were hustling
5-27-2024

STAY SAFE FROM THE SUN AND THAT BACKYARD GRILL THIS MEMORIAL DAY

Memorial Day means firing up that backyard grill for the season, hopefully under warm, sunny skies. You can be sure to enjoy the day without hazards by taking a few simple precautions, said Dr. Mike Ren, an associate professor of family and community medicine at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston. Watch out for rising heat and humidity If Memorial day is a scorcher, hydration is key, Ren said. “A good rule of thumb is to drink water regularly throughout the day, aiming for 12 or more cups; when in
5-27-2024

HAD A JOINT REPLACED? STUDY SUGGESTS INFECTION RISK MAY RISE AFTER CHEMOTHERAPY

If you’re one of the millions of Americans walking around with a new knee or hip, your odds for an infection in that joint rise if you ever have to undergo cancer chemotherapy, researchers report. “Given the number of people of receiving total joint replacements each year, as well as the cost both physically, emotionally and financially for those who develop an infection and may need subsequent treatment, we need to understand what factors may increase the risk for postoperative infections,” said study author Dr. Janet Conway. She’s an orthopedic
5-27-2024

ANTIHYPERTENSIVES LINKED TO ECZEMATOUS DERMATITIS IN SENIORS, STUDY FINDS

Antihypertensive drugs are associated with an increased risk for eczematous dermatitis in older adults, and the effect sizes are largest for diuretics and calcium channel blockers, whether antihypertensive drug use is associated with eczematous dermatitis in a longitudinal cohort study of individuals aged 60 years and older without eczematous dermatitis at baseline. The researchers found that the overall prevalence of eczematous dermatitis was 6.7% among 1,561,358
5-27-2024

RESEARCH INDICATES KIDNEYS FROM DECEASED DONORS WHO WERE ON DIALYSIS ARE SUBOPTIMAL

Receipt of a kidney from a deceased donor who underwent dialysis is associated with an increased incidence of delayed graft function, compared outcomes of transplant recipients who received kidneys from deceased donors who underwent dialysis prior to kidney donation versus recipients of kidneys from deceased donors who did not undergo dialysis in a retrospective cohort study using data from 58 U.S. organ procurement organizations. Among the donors with
5-27-2024

NEW THERAPY PROVEN EFFECTIVE AGAINST REJECTION IN KIDNEY TRANSPLANTATION

Antibody-mediated rejection (AMR) is one of the most common causes of kidney transplant failure. To date, however, no treatment has proven effective in combating this complication in the long term. As part of an international and multidisciplinary clinical study led by Georg Böhmig and Katharina Mayer, Clinical Division of Nephrology and Dialysis, Department of Medicine III at MedUni Vienna and University Hospital Vienna, a new therapeutic principle in transplant medicine has been found to be both safe and highly effective. The results were recently published in the New England Journal
5-27-2024

SHARJAH UNIVERSITY PATENTS APPLICATION FOR DISTANCE COVID-19 DIAGNOSIS

Smart Identification of Health Status based on QR Code and User Health Data. Credit: author’s own creation The University of Sharjah has been granted a patent for inventing a smart gadget with the ability to filter user information that will allow doctors to diagnose COVID-19 and other ailments from a distance. The patent, granted by United States Patent and Trademark Office on 1 August 2023, comprises “a display unit, a color code detection unit, an image filter, an optical character recognition unit, a code detection unit and an elimination unit,”
5-27-2024

STUDY REVEALS WHERE DELAYS ARE WORST

When it comes to responding to a stroke, speed is a crucial factor; the longer it takes for someone experiencing a stroke to get to a hospital, the worse the outcome will be. Yet across the United States, delays to treatment can be significant. A Yale study uncovers new insights into factors associated with treatment delays and where in the United States patients are more likely to experience slower responses. The findings, which were published May 24 in the journal Stroke, highlight where interventions should

NEW STUDY SHOWS HEAT WAVES INCREASE RISK OF PRETERM, EARLY-TERM BIRTH

The increased frequency and intensity of heat waves due to climate change puts women at a higher risk of experiencing preterm and early-term labor—jeopardizing the health and well-being of their babies. An analysis of 53 million births that occurred in the 50 most populous U.S. metropolitan areas during the 25-year period 1993–2017, showed
5-27-2024

NOISE-CANCELLING HEADPHONES, EARPLUGS AND EARMUFFS—DO THEY REALLY HELP NEURODIVERGENT PEOPLE?

Noise can make it hard to concentrate, especially for people who are extra sensitive to it. Neurodivergent people (such as those who are autistic or have attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder—ADHD) can experience different sensory sensitivities. Their nervous system may process information differently when they are exposed to sensory experiences such as bright lights, loud noise, strong smells or busy environments. Decreased sound tolerance is estimated to affect up to 70% of autistic people and is described in three ways: hyperacusis (perceiving everyday sounds as loud or painful), misophonia (an aversion to
5-27-2024

MASSACHUSETTS SHELLS OUT NEARLY $400,000 FOR VACCINE RECORD CHECKS IN STATE-RUN SHELTERS

State officials have pumped nearly $400,000 into a program to review the vaccine records of families entering the emergency shelter system, including migrants from other countries who may have foreign documentation, according to the Healey administration. Officials at Boston-based John Snow, Inc., which has long worked with the state, have been contracted to review immunization documents. Since January, more than 1,200 children in state-run shelters have had their records checked, according to the Executive Office of Health and Human Services, or HHS. Vaccine record checks have occurred since September 2023
5-27-2024

LAWSUIT ACCUSES FLORIDA’S PALM BEACH COUNTY HOSPITAL NETWORK OF SHARING PATIENTS’ PRIVATE DATA

The Palm Beach Health Network has become the latest health provider accused of illegally sharing identities and private health information of its patients with the social media company Meta, owner of Facebook. A lawsuit filed Wednesday in U.S. District Court in West Palm Beach says the health network’s websites share code with Meta that enables patients to be targeted with advertising on Facebook based on “highly sensitive personal information” they share. It names as defendants the Palm Beach Health Network Physicians Group, doing business as Palm Beach Health Network, and
5-27-2024

CAN THE PLACEMENT OF DENTAL IMPLANTS IN HEAD AND NECK CANCER PATIENTS BE DONE BEFORE RADIATION THERAPY?

Globally, head and neck cancer accounts for 5% of all cancer types, with a mortality rate of 50%. However, in the Nordic countries, head and neck cancer accounts for only 2.6% of all cancers, with a mortality rate of just 30%. But more survivors mean that many must live with extensive damage and side effects
5-27-2024

STUDY FINDS CLIMATE CHANGE INCREASES RISK OF CRYPTOSPORIDIOSIS OUTBREAKS IN NEW ZEALAND

More cryptosporidiosis outbreaks could be on the cards for Aotearoa New Zealand as extreme rainfall events become more frequent, causing higher levels of the diarrhea-causing parasite to be washed into waterways, public health researchers warn. The researchers studied clusters of cryptosporidium outbreaks around the country between 1997 and 2015 and found 13 coincided with severe weather events. Their research is published in the journal Epidemiology & Infection. It is the first study to compare clusters of outbreaks of cryptosporidiosis to severe weather events in Aotearoa.
5-27-2024

RESEARCHERS EVALUATE IMPACT OF NEW FILM’S MESSAGE ON CHILDREN’S AND ADULTS’ BODY IMAGE, SELF-COMPASSION

Unrealistic expectations about what our bodies should look like—whether from the media, friends or family—make adults and children of all ages more vulnerable to body dissatisfaction, eating disorders and other mental health challenges. In a new study published in Body Image, Flinders University experts assessing the program’s usefulness in classrooms highlight the potential for the film “Embrace Kids,” directed by 2023 Australian of the Year Taryn Brumfitt, to achieve large-scale improvements in body image
5-27-2024

STUDY FINDS INCREASED SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS AMONG ADOLESCENTS EXPOSED TO EARLY PHASE OF WAR IN UKRAINE

Data Collection in the War-Affected Donetsk Region and Non-War Kirovograd Region. A new study carried out by a multinational research group showed high levels of suicidal thoughts and attempts in adolescents, which were strongly associated with wartime traumatic experiences, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and anxiety. Dr. Sanju Silwal from the Research Center for Child Psychiatry in the University of Turku, Finland, one of the lead authors, says that the study was conducted in two regions that
5-27-2024

STUDY FINDS SIGNIFICANT DISPARITIES IN THE DELIVERY OF CANCER-RELATED CARE

It’s important to ensure that care provided at US hospitals that predominantly serve Black and Hispanic populations is as high-quality as the care provided at other US hospitals. New research reveals significant disparities in the delivery of cancer-related care at minority serving hospitals (MSHs) compared with non-MSHs, however. The findings are published in Cancer. For the study, investigators analyzed information from the National Cancer Database (which accrues approximately 70% of US cancer diagnoses) to identify patients eligible for definitive treatment for breast, prostate, non-small cell lung, and colon cancers between
5-27-2024

WHO SEEKS $7 BN WITH FUND-RAISING REVAMP

The World Health Organization launched Sunday a new financing mechanism that aims to raise $7 billion of funds that can be deployed more quickly and flexibly. The UN agency has traditionally relied on commitments from its 194 member states, but often these are apportioned to specific projects with several conditions attached, including deadlines that can prove too short. WHO chief Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus said commitment increases would contribute $4 billion to the agency’s budget of $11.1 billion over the four years through 2028. “The Investment Round aims to mobilize the
5-27-2024

SECOND PERSON DIES OF CHOLERA ON FRENCH ISLAND OF MAYOTTE

Scanning electron microscope image of Vibrio cholerae. Credit: Wikipedia A 62-year-old woman has died of cholera in Mayotte, bringing to two the death toll from the epidemic on the French island in the Indian Ocean, health authorities said on Sunday. The woman died on Saturday at her home in Mamoudzou, the capital, the ARS health authority said in a statement. “Response teams went to the scene to disinfect the home and take care of the deceased’s family and friends”, the statement added. In May, the disease claimed its first life
5-27-2024

ALTERING CELLULAR INTERACTIONS AROUND AMYLOID PLAQUES MAY OFFER NOVEL ALZHEIMER’S TREATMENT STRATEGIES

Researchers at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai have made a significant breakthrough in Alzheimer’s disease research by identifying a novel way to potentially slow down or even halt disease progression. The study, which focuses on the role of reactive astrocytes and the plexin-B1 protein in Alzheimer’s pathophysiology, provides crucial insights into brain
5-27-2024

BRAIN DAMAGE STUDY REVEALS PART OF THE BRAIN NECESSARY FOR HELPING OTHERS

Our willingness to help others is governed by a specific brain region pinpointed by researchers in a study of patients with brain damage to that region. Learning about where in the brain “helping” decisions are made is important for understanding how people might be motivated to tackle large global challenges, such as climate change, infectious disease and international conflict. It is also essential for finding new approaches to treating disorders of social interactions. The study, published in Nature Human Behaviour, was carried out by researchers at the University of Birmingham
5-27-2024

IMPROVING AI LARGE LANGUAGE MODELS HELPS THEM BETTER ALIGN WITH HUMAN BRAIN ACTIVITY

NSP as a computational account of discourse comprehension. (A) Humans integrate words and sentences to achieve a full understanding of discourse. In LLMs, the NSP task proposed by BERT can serve as a computational account of human discourse comprehension. (B) Illustration of the MLM task. (C) Illustration of the NSP task and its relevance to the Mason and Just model. (D) Illustration of Mason and Just’s neurocognitive model of discourse processing. Credit: Science Advances (2024). DOI: 10.1126/sciadv.adn7744 With generative artificial intelligence (GenAI) transforming the social interaction landscape in recent years,
5-27-2024

STUDY EXAMINES METABOLIC REPROGRAMMING OF BREAST CANCER TUMORS DURING NEOADJUVANT CHEMOTHERAPY

In a study published in Nature Communications, scientists have made significant strides in understanding the complex interplay between the immune system and cancer metabolism in breast cancer treatment. The research
5-27-2024

RESEARCHERS EXAMINE EVIDENCE FOR A NOVEL NEURONAL MECHANISM DRIVING ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE

An international team of clinicians and neuroscientists have published a new perspective on the process of neurodegeneration. Their findings review evidence for a mechanism upstream of amyloid including the key neurochemical driving this process. The paper, published in Alzheimer’s & Dementia, focuses on a selective group of neurons (“the isodendritic core”). These cells have a different provenance from neurons in the rest of the brain and have previously been identified as primarily
The research, by a team from Finland’s University of Helsinki, National Institute for Health and Welfare, and Turku University of Applied Sciences, is published in
5-27-2024

WHO CHIEF URGES COUNTRIES TO QUICKLY SEAL PANDEMIC DEAL

WHO countries have spent two years seeking an agreement on tackling pandemics. The World Health Organization chief on Monday urged countries to nail down a landmark global agreement on handling of future pandemics after they missed a hard deadline. Scarred by COVID-19—which killed millions, shredded economies and crippled health systems—nations have spent two years trying to forge binding commitments on pandemic prevention, preparedness and response. Negotiators failed to clinch a deal ahead of this week’s World Health Assembly—the annual gathering of WHO’s 194 member states—the deadline for concluding the talks.
5-27-2024

STUDY DEMONSTRATES HOW GUT MICROBES PROCESS STEROIDS—USING FLATULENCE

It turns out flatulence can serve a purpose beyond being uncomfortable or funny: Gas released by some gut bacteria stimulates other gut bacteria to produce a hormone involved in pregnancy and in an FDA-approved treatment for postpartum depression, according to new research led by Harvard Medical School scientists. The work shows how gut bacteria can produce new hormones from steroids in bile and, in doing so, act like an endocrine organ. This research adds to the growing list of ways gut microbiota may influence human
5-27-2024

PHYSICAL FRAILTY MAY PUT PEOPLE AT GREATER RISK OF DEPRESSION, STUDY FINDS

Individuals who meet at least one of the criteria for physical frailty are at higher risk of also developing depression, a new Yale study finds. The findings—which also include insights into the specific inflammatory molecules and changes in brain structure that could underlie this association between frailty and depression—point to a need for routine assessment of physical frailty in clinical practice, researchers said. The study was published May 23 in Nature Communications. In clinical settings, physical
5-27-2024

RESEARCH TEAM RESOLVES STRUCTURE OF CRUCIAL ENZYME FOR THE FIRST TIME

For the first time, a team co-led by CHU Sainte-Justine researcher and professor in the Faculty of Medicine at Université de Montréal, Alexey Pshezhetsky has succeeded in resolving the unique structure of the HGSNAT enzyme, a deficiency of which causes Sanfilippo syndrome, a rare pediatric disease affecting the central nervous system. Through collaboration with a team from Shanghai University, the structure of this enzyme and the mechanism of its function were revealed using high-performance

Let's get this out of the way first....I was born with a degenerative muscle disorder and I use a power wheelchair. I have severe muscle weakness throughout my entire body which includes my cardiac and pulmonary muscles. As you can imagine dating is a bit more difficult for me but I have found love on Reddit before so I’m back to find it again.
A LITTLE ABOUT ME: I would definitely call myself an introvert. I'm extremely even-tempered so it takes a lot to piss me off and/or offend me. I'm a good listener and very easy to talk to, I have been described by previous partners as genuine, kind and sweet. In person I can come across as quiet and shy at first but, I just need a little time to get comfortable with someone before I really open up. Me---https://imgur.com/a/Qf6HHVg
Some things I enjoy....
-Making people smile/laugh
-Watching sports(Padres and Chargers)
-The cringiest of puns d4d jokes
-Standup comedy...Tom Segura, Bill Burr, Bert Kreischer, Andrew Schulz, Bobby Lee, Norm MacDonald, Mark Normand, Dave Chapelle, and many more.
-Collecting Batman memorabilia
-Podcasts like YMH, Tigerbelly, Kill Tony, TYSO, 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bad Friends, etc.
-Music...I mostly like Alternative and Classic Rock but I'm into some pop and open to everything really. Foo Fighters, Wet Leg, Cage The Elephant, RHCP, Queen, The Eagles, AURORA, and so many more
-Going to concerts
-Shows...Currently watching Hacks on Max. all time favorite show is Breaking Bad
-Watching movies like horror, thrillers, sci-fi, comedy, and Super Hero stuff is fun Taskmaster!
ABOUT YOU: I’m looking for my best friend and partner, someone who wants a serious relationship. I want someone who is kind and compassionate, trustworthy and genuine. Someone with a sense of (sometimes dark)humor who can make me laugh and doesn’t take themselves too seriously. Someone who is not afraid to be silly sometimes. As for location, the closer the better so it's easier to meet up but I don’t mind long distance as long as there is a plan to see each other often. It would be ideal if you could eventually relocate because that is currently not an option for me.
To show me that you’ve read the entire post and are serious please include the word football in your message. If you have any questions regarding my condition please feel free to ask me ANYTHING.
Don’t be put off by my disability, I don’t bite (unless you're into that ;)

Parts 1-18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32
Part 33
“Psst! Psst! Mr. Hard-Sell! Wake Up!”, I heard Bob say, waking me up.
I groggily opened my eyes, and lifted my head off the pillow, to see Bob and the Seeker standing side by side in front of my dresser.
I quickly rolled on my back, and sat up, turning my head to look at them
I then looked to my left to see Donna still sleeping.
I looked back, and asked, wiping my eyes, “Bob? What are you two doing in our bedroom?”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Hard-Sell! It is time!”, Bob said coldly.
The Seeker just smiled.
I then took a look at my arm… 14 minutes, 37 seconds, and counting.
I put my hands over my face, and let my body fall back onto the bed.
I knew this day would come, I was just hoping that with all the wild and crazy adventures we had together, they forgot. They didn’t.
I guess the sudden jolt of the mattress, jarred Donna awake.
“Michael! What’s wrong?”, she asked, half asleep.
I just sighed, and pointed toward the dresser.
Donna then raised her head, leaned up on her arm, and looked in that direction.
“Bob? Old Man?”, she said surprised, pulling the blankets up around her neck, “Why are you in our bedroom?”
“Donna Dear! I’m afraid… it is time!”, Bob answered again.
“Time for what?”, she asked confused.
“You didn’t tell her, Mr. Hard-Sell?”, Bob inquired.
“Tell me what?”, Donna asked worried.
I just sighed, sat back up, and looked at Bob.
“Tell me what?”, she asked again, more intense this time, and pulling on my arm.
I turned to look at her, as she let go of my arm.
“Um! You see, Babe. Um! Seven years ago, I met the old man in the bathroom at the mall. I was wearing that jacket of mine that you like so much. He asked me if I would sell my soul for Rock and Roll like the jacket said.
I foolishly said yes, thinking he was just some random old man fucking with me. He wasn’t. He was, and still is, a Soul Seeker.
I inadvertently sold my soul, which allowed me to get anything I wanted for the next seven years, but at the end, I had to spend eternity in Hell.
There’s a counter on my arm that tells me how much time I have left.
I wanted to become a Rock Star, and I did, but now my time is up.”, I said, “I have to go to Hell now! Well, in 9 minutes and 42 seconds.”
“I don’t see anything on your arm?”, Donna said almost in tears.
“You won’t, only Bob and I can see it.”, I answered.
I then turned to Bob, and asked, “Why didn’t you just let the timer count down, and take me while I was sleeping?”, I asked
“I like you, Mr. Hard-Sell, I really do. I do not want to do this, but a deal is a deal.
I normally would have done just that, but like I said, I like you. I feel I at least owe you the opportunity to say goodbye, after all you have helped me do!”, Bob answered.
I then turned to Donna, who was fully in tears at this point
“No! I don’t want you to go. What about the baby? I wish this wasn’t happening!”, she said, through falling tears, with her hands covering her face.
I put my arm around her to try and console her, but she pulled away.
I couldn’t really blame her.
Her words were tearing through me, like a Langolier through time past.
But it also got me thinking, “Want? Wish?”
“Wait a minute… maybe there IS a way out of this”, I thought.
I closed my eyes and whispered, “God! I hope this works!”
“I have 2 minutes and 7 seconds left, I can still get anything I want, and you still owe me a wish!”, I said pointing at Bob.
His eyes grew wide, and a smile loosely formed on his face, like he knew where I was going with this.
I quickly began listing off all the things I wanted, in rapid fire style.
“I want to grow old with Donna . I want our baby to be healthy.
I want to keep all the money.
I want to keep the house.
I want to keep the cars.
I want to keep the ability to get anything I want.
I want to own the bus that Mr. Bellington gave me.
I want Ricky and Tony to be successful.
I want Derek and Corey to succeed.
I want Stephen to find happiness.
I want Rebecca and Donna to remain best friends.
I want Edgar to learn how to play the keyboards.”
I then hesitated, breathing heavy.
15 seconds…
I then took the deepest breath I could.
“AND I WISH I HAD MY SOUL BACK!”, I yelled, and looked down at my arm.
10 seconds...
“You can’t do that!”, the Seeker yelled.
“A wish is a wish! Now grant it!”, I yelled to Bob.
Bob just stood there.
5 seconds…
“You owe me that wish!”, I yelled.
3 seconds…
2 seconds…
1 second…
That loosely formed smile then formed into a happy one, as Bob snapped his fingers.
In mid snap, time ran out, as flames began bursting up from the floor.
I then heard Donna scream.
I turned to look at her, as her face and body quickly began melting into a large pile of a flesh colored goo on the bed.
I screamed, and looked at Bob and The Seeker. They were just standing there, in the midst of the flames.
I then felt the bed give way underneath me.
I felt my body falling… falling into the firey pits of Hell.
I felt every molecule in my body slowly breaking apart, starting with my hands and feet, floating like embers at a campfire, right in front of my eyes, just like it did, when Bob transported Tony and I from the basement to the alley.
The pain was immense, and the heat was unbearable.
I could hear flames crackling, and blood curdling torturous screams from below, as my body disintegrated.
I screamed again.
Suddenly, a huge bright white mist, resembling the one that the Seeker sucked out of me, when I first went to hell, and he took my soul, appeared out of nowhere, and was barreling at me fast. It slammed hard into my chest, just as my upper torso was beginning to break apart.
Everything went black.
The next thing I knew, my body slammed back together again, and I was ascending upward through the flames, engulfed in the white mist.
I closed my eyes.
The moment I did, I felt my body slam down hard on the mattress.
I bounced off the bed, and onto the floor, still screaming.
“Michael! Are you ok? What happened?”, I heard Donna say.
At least it was her voice.
I opened my eyes, as I got up on my hands and knees.
I then looked at my arm.
There was nothing there.
I stayed there, on my hands and knees, thinking.
“I’ve always heard that Hell is a repetitious loop of the one thing that you fear the most.
Mine was losing Donna and the baby.
Am I going to relive that moment over and over again for all of eternity?”, I thought, “Is that my Hell?”
I closed my eyes, sighed, and opened them again.
When I did, I saw the tips of Bob’s Black wing tipped shoes come into view.
I then looked up.
“Ta-da!”, Bob said… “Well played, Mr. Hard-Sell… Well played!”, as he extended his right hand to me.
I hesitantly grabbed it.
He then helped me to my feet.
The bedroom was completely intact.
“Am I in Hell?”, I asked Bob.
“No, Michael! You are here in the real world, in your house, with Donna, and your unborn child.”, he replied smiling.
Donna then came running, well, briskly walking, 4 months pregnant, remember?
Anyway, she came around the side of the bed, in her nightgown, and bear hugged me, almost knocking me over.
I hugged her back.
She then let go of me, and punched me in the arm, hard.
It hurt a little, reminding me not to piss her off again.
“You are an asshole, Michael! Don’t you do that to me again!”, she said, then kissed me.
After the kiss, I touched her face, to see if she was real. She was.
I then looked at Bob.
“You called me Michael!”, I said, “Why?”
“That is your name!”, he replied.
“You have called me, Mr. Hard-Sell, for the last 6 and a half years, no sense in stopping now.”, I retorted.
“Very Well! Mr. Hard-Sell it is.”, Bob said smiling, “Now, Let’s talk!”, he said.
“Can we get dressed first?”, I asked.
“Absolutely! Do you have any Red wine?”, he asked.
“No, Bob! We don’t drink!”, I answered.
“Very well then!”, Bob said, “I shall meet you in the dining area! Which way is that?”
“Down the hall, down the stairs, make a right, and you’ll run right into it.”, Donna answered.
“Thank you!”, Bob replied, and walked out of the bedroom door.
We both then got dressed, and walked downstairs to meet Bob.
We arrived to find him, sitting at the table, twiddling his thumbs.
I then looked out of the dining room window, to see our bus, sitting in the driveway, next to my Mustang.
I smiled.
I then turned to Bob, “Where’s the Seeker?”, I asked.
“He was upset, that I gave you your soul back, and used some rather distasteful words, directed at me, so I gave him a few go rounds on my little rollercoaster. That’s should calm him down.”, Bob answered.
“Okay, Bob! Um! What’s up?”, I asked, sitting down, while Donna went to make a pot of coffee.
“Mr. Hard-Sell! I am so glad it ended up this way. I did not want to do that to you. But let me ask you this, Did you know what you were going to do with that wish when you said you would, and I quote, I’ll reserve my wish for another time, end quote?”, Bob asked.
“No! Not really! I just knew it would be good to have in my back pocket, but I didn’t know what I was going to do with it, until today!”, I responded.
“You know, Mr. Hard-Sell, through all my many years of existence, there have only been two people to ever beat me at my own game… the first was Jesus Christ, and the second was you!”, he said, “Not to say that you are Christ-like, because you are not, but I am glad you succeeded in getting your soul back.
Donna then returned, “Coffee’s going!”, she said, as I got up, pulled out the chair next to me, for her, then sat back down.
Bob then continued, “Now, as I have said numerous times before, I like you, I really do, so I assure you both, that you’re little girl, yes, it is a girl!”
Donna then smiled from ear to ear.
“Yes!”, she said.
“Your little girl, will want for nothing. If you can not provide it for her, Good ole Uncle Bob will. I promise you that.”, Bob said.
“Thanks, Bob!”, we both said in unison.
“I’ll go check on the coffee!”, Donna said, getting up and walking to the kitchen.
“Is this the end, Bob? Will I ever see you again after this?”, I asked.
“Oh, yes, Mr. Hard-Sell, and, No, it is not the end. I plan to keep a close eye on all of you! I will not interfere with your lives, but I will always be there, if you ever need me!”, he answered.
Donna then returned with three cups of coffee, a pitcher of cream, and a bowl of sugar, with a spoon.
“Would you like some coffee, Bob?”, she asked.
“Is it hot? I like hot!”, he asked.
“Yes”, she replied.
“Then, Yes! I have never had coffee before. But there is a first time for everything!”, he said laughing.
“How do you make it?”, he asked.
“We have a coffee pot! You know what a coffee pot is, right?”, I stupidly asked.
“Yes, Mr. Hard-Sell, I have equipped many different vehicles with one for your enjoyment, and watched you make it many many times.”, he answered, “I meant, how do you prepare it?”
“Oh! I put a little cream, and 2 sugars in mine!”, I answered, “Donna likes it black with sugar!”
“I’ll take it like that!”, he said.
Donna then prepared my cup, her cup, and his cup, and placed them all in front of us.
Bob then took a sip.
“Oh, this is most excellent! I love it! It burns, and is soothing at the same time!”, he said, “I’ve done the music business, now I think I’ll get into the coffee business. But what to call it! Help me here!”, he said.
“Um, Hell’s Brew!”, I said.
“For a songwriter, you are bad with words. No, nothing Hell related! I Got it! Keurig, which means excellence in Dutch. What do you think?”
It’s catchy!”, Donna said.
“I can create my own machine, offer single serve portions, in little plastic cups, I think I will call them K-Cups, charge an outrageous price for them, humans will go crazy to get them, and every coffee company in the world will copy my cup design, and offer their own brand of coffee to be used in my machine, for a price that is. It’s brilliant.
Oh, I must get started on this right away. I really must be going. Thank you for the coffee. I bid you both ado”, then he left.
How did he leave?… C’mon, you remember!… Keep thinking!…That’s right!…
He snapped his fingers, and disappeared into a cloud of gray smoke.
I knew you’ve been paying attention.
Two weeks later, human time, I saw the first Keurig commercial on TV.
Anyway, Bob gave us an endless, lifetime supply of K-Cups, any flavor, gets us all the new machines, as well as let’s us be the taste testers for any and all new coffee blends. It’s great.
Donna likes the iced coffees, I prefer it hot.
Anyway, Donna gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl, about 5 months later.
We decided to name her Robyn, after Bob, who’s first name is actually Robert, remember?
Robert… Robyn… Get it. Good.
Everyone was there at the hospital, except Derek and Corey, obviously, and Stephen, who was off touring the country.
Edgar and Rebecca informed us that they too were going to have a baby, and that Bob was a proud grandpa.
They decided to name her Calypso, meaning she who hides.
We brought Robyn home about a week later.
About 6 months after that, human time, there was a knock on the door. I opened it up to see Edgar and Rebecca standing there, with Rebecca holding a 3 month old, human time, bouncing baby demon succubus girl.
I don’t know how old she was in Hell time.
With them were two humongous Great Danes. Edgar explained that they were Hell Hounds, and were specifically trained to protect their person, or persons.
One was named Bill, and the other was named Janice.
Donna and Baby Robyn then joined me at the door.
“Rebecca!”, Donna yelled.
“Bestie!”, Rebecca yelled
They then ran to each other and hugged, trying not to squash the babies in between them.
When the hugfest was over, Donna, Rebecca, and the babies went inside, leaving Edgar, myself, and the two dogs, standing on the front steps.
I asked Edgar why the dogs had people names instead of animal names.
He said, “Imagine you are at home alone! Someone breaks in, and threatens to kill you. If you call out, Demon, or Hellion, they are going to know you’re calling dogs, and they will prepare for dogs. But if you call, Bill, or Janice, followed by their “GO” word. They are going to think that you’re scared and calling your overweight uncle, or your petite little girlfriend, and blow it off. They won’t be expecting 2 200 pound pissed off Hell Hounds coming at them”
It kinda made sense.
He then told me that they were a present from Bob to the two of us, and Robyn, as he leaned up, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and whispered in my ear, “Their “GO” word is OPPUGNATIO, which means attack in Latin. Remember that word… OPPUGNATIO! I don’t want to say it too loud. I don’t want them to hear it, and kill us all.”
I mouthed the word to myself, and said, “Thanks! I’ll tell Donna later.”
I then asked who was going to protect him and Rebecca.
He said, “If anyone breaks in, Rebecca will use her seduction abilities to draw them near. When their guard is down, I will rip their heads off, and feast on their flesh, chewing and chomping their bones, inner organs, muscles, and fatty tissue, until there’s nothing left of them, but a burp!”
He got real intense at the end there. It scared me a little, especially when he laughed.
“Oh! At least you have a plan!”, I responded.
“Yeah! We’ve been talking about it for a while. Here you go!”, he said, handing me the leashes.
One of the dogs then barked, I think it was Bill, followed by a tiny puff of gray smoke exiting his mouth.
“Thanks Bob!”, I whispered.
I then invited Edgar inside, leading the dogs in as well.
We found Donna and Rebecca sitting at the dining room table, and the babies in the play pen nearby.
The dogs sat in the corner watching us.
We then resumed our conversation.
“What about Axel?”, Donna said, looking at the dogs, “Won’t they kill her?”
“No! Hell Hounds do not see cats as a threat, like normal canines do. They will probably get along really well!”, Edgar responded.
And they did.
Bill and Janice were very emotional the day that Axel passed, and even to this day, lay out by the tree we planted over the spot where we buried Axel.
Axel is still around though.
Occasionally, we’ll hear that little bell that comes on most cat toys ring, or hear the sound of a cat meowing as we’re eating dinner, or walking down the hallway.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “It’s probably just a cat outside!”
And that could be possible, when we hear a cat meow while eating dinner.
But I seriously doubt, if we’d be able to hear a bell from outside, or be able to hear a cat meow from outside, while we’re walking through an upstairs hallway, with no windows in it, and all the doors shut.
Explain that one!
Plus, Bill and Janice have been seen on multiple occasions, chasing “nothing” around the yard, or staring at the tree.
They know she’s here too.
Anyway, Edgar said all we had to do, was feed both dogs a tiny drop of blood, from each one of the three of us, just once, and that will tell them who their person, or persons are.
Now, before you go thinking that we stabbed Robyn to get her blood, or something crazy like that.
The hospital gave us a small vile of her blood, when Donna and Robyn were released. Why, I’m not really sure, but this town is a little different then most, if you haven’t heard.
Donna and I finger pricked ourselves, and dripped a little on their dog food, as well as some from Robyn’s vile, when we first fed them, and they have been loyal to us ever since.
In case you’re wondering, the Hell Hounds only eat Royal Canin Dog Food, from France.
Axel ate Royal Canin cat food, from that day on, until the day she passed.
Bob sends us a monthly shipment, even to this day.
Now, according to Rebecca, succubus births are almost immediate.
No contractions!
No epidural!
No Pain!
Nothing!
One second you’re pregnant, the next second it’s plopping on the floor. Don’t worry, the baby is protected by a Heavy duty, Gel-like webbing, when it comes out, so the baby doesn’t get hurt when it falls.
There is no time to gather family and friends, so we didn’t even know about the birth, until they showed up on our doorstep.
Now, before you start thinking that Bob freaked out, and threw them out of hell, that was not the case.
Apparently, Edgar and Rebecca, were staying with Bob, in one of his spare rooms.
Bob has a mansion in Hell, being he’s the devil and all.
They had gone out to spend time together, leaving Bob to babysit.
Now, I don’t know what there really is to do in Hell, but apparently there’s something that interests them.
Anyway, Edgar had installed surveillance cameras in their room, unbeknown to Bob, to keep an eye on the baby while they were occupied with other things.
They both checked the footage when they got home, and saw Bob dancing around in a diaper, with a bonnet on his head, and a pacifier in his mouth, trying to entertain the baby.
I cried with laughter when Edgar told me that.
Anyway, Edgar blackmailed Bob with the video, saying he would show it to everyone in Hell, if he didn’t allow him, Rebecca, and the baby, to live in the real world, and lead normal lives, also so that Rebecca could hang out with her bestie Donna.
He agreed, and even bought them a house three houses down from ours.
Rebecca got a job at the Hooters in the next town over. Sales went straight through the roof. It was always packed, and still is to this day.
The food is good, but Rebecca is the main attraction. Guys from everywhere, and a few ladies, mostly truck drivers, come to see, well, excuse my language, but… “Tits and Tail”, as they say.
She makes a killing in tips.
There’s a sign posted when you walk in, that reads, “No Tail Touching! Offenders Will Be Whipped.”
Rebecca said that she has only had to whip a couple overzealous patrons, with her tail, a couple times, in the past 30 years, and that some guys even offer her money to whip them for no reason.
She always says “No!”
Ricky gave Edgar a job at BB & T Music, as a stock clerk. He got to be really good friends with Tony, and they even perform together, Tony on the accordion, and Edgar on the keyboards, every Sunday Night, at the store, from 8 until 9, with Ricky and I sometimes joining in on guitar, but we don’t want to take the spotlight away from them. We had our time. This is theirs.
It’s amazing how many people actually show up to see them.
They decided to call themselves Accordaboard.
They do 80’s Metal covers on keyboard and accordion, just like Apocalyptica does with Cellos.
Bob offered them free use of his studio to record a demo tape, if they ever want to try and go professional.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Why doesn’t Bob just sign them to Hellfire Records.”
Well, you see, as I mentioned before, Bob is now in the coffee business, and has no interest in returning to the music business, as far as I know.
Hellfire Records is closed until further notice.
Robyn has grown up to be a very caring, loving woman. She’s now in her early Thirties, and working at the local ASPCA. She loves animals. She is also dating a guy named Jimmy, who works at the ASPCA as well.
Calypso had to be home schooled, for obvious reasons, and is now in her thirties as well.
She is very mild mannered, not flirtatious at all. She likes being single, and intends to stay that way.
She assists Robyn at the ASPCA.
Robyn believes all the cats and dogs accept Calypso, as one of their own, because she has a tail, just like they do.
Robyn and Calypso share an apartment together, in the next town over, and have been best friends since infancy.
Tony joined The Richard Simmons Workout Club, back when he teamed up with Ricky. I don’t know the real name of it.
Anyway, he appeared in one of Richard’s “Sweatin’ To The Oldies” Videos, and has lost over 130 pounds.
He’s kept the weight off, and goes to the gym 4 nights a week now.
Bob stops by every now and then, to check up on everyone, and to say Hi!
Business is going good, Hell business that is, as I’m sure you can figure that out for yourselves, with the way the world has been going lately.
The coffee business is going good as well.
I never saw the old man again though. Bob said he’s still upset about me ruining his perfect track record.
Donna and I are still going strong.
She never worked, because I could afford her not to.
She does volunteer work at the local homeless shelter, now that Robyn is grown.
A few years back, she became very obsessed with something she calls, “Pioneer Woman”.
The whole house is decorated in “Pioneer Woman” stuff.
She has a massive collection, collecting multiples of each thing.
Numerous Rolling pins, numerous salt and pepper shakers, numerous plate and dish sets.
She’s even got “Pioneer Woman” towels in the bathroom, and has every comforter and sheets set that there is to offer.
Right now she has a “Vintage Floral” Comforter and sheet set on the bed. It’s her favorite design of hers.
It’s really not my style, but it’s her house, so she can do with it what she wants.
I haven’t really used my “gift” too much over the past 30 years, except for in the moment kind of things. If I’m too tired to get up and make a cup of coffee, I’ll “want” a cup of coffee, or if I don’t feel like going to the gas station and filling up the cars, I’ll “want” a full tank of gas, things. like that.
I started writing again a few years back, not songs this time, but stories, some true, some not.
This one is 100% true.
I discovered a forum called Reddit, and have been posting my stories on various subreddits there.
Damn… Someone just knocked on the door… hold on a second. I’ll be right back…
Hey ya’ll. I’m back. That was Bob!
He just showed up, in an even longer limousine this time.
Now! Have I got some good news to share with you.
Bob just informed Donna and I, that 80s Metal is making a comeback, as multiple bands from our era have started touring again, and that they are selling out each show.
Def Leppard, Guns & Roses, RATT, Motley Crue, well, Motley Crue never stopped touring, but you get the idea, Right?
Anyway, He said he wanted, no pun intended, to see if we would be interested in touring again, and possibly recording another album, at Hellfire studios, if the tour goes good, since he has people to run his coffee business, and that he kinda missed the old times.
“Hell, Yeah!!”, we said in unison.
Bob promised, no soul sucking box behind the drum kit this time.
He also said that he already talked to Edgar and Rebecca, as well as Robyn, Jimmy, Calypso, Tony, and Ricky, my old friend Ricky.
Bob got his phone number when he came to play on the album.
Bob said that the original Ricky said No, saying that his Pops was now in his 80’s, has had some major health issues, and that he did not want to leave alone him in that condition, but promised to keep us all informed.
We all completely understood.
I hope everything is okay, Mr. Bellington.
Anyway, everyone else agreed, and are all waiting in the limo for us.
Jimmy is Robyn’s boyfriend, in case you forgot.
Anyway, He also said he contacted Stephen, I don’t know how, and that he’s all in as well, but only if Cindy can come along for the ride.
Apparently, Cindy is the name of his girlfriend.
Bob agreed, everyone else did too, including us.
We’re heading to Kansas to pick them up, as soon as I’m finished here, then we’re off to Washington DC, to try and find Derek and Corey. It won’t be hard, as long as I “want” to find them.
Wish us luck anyway!
Yeah, Baby! We’re getting the band back together. I’m so excited.
I’ll tell everyone you said Hi.
Rock and Roll!
I threw up the horns when I said that.
I’ll let you know if anything interesting happens.
Oh, Hey Janice.
Shit! The dogs! What are we going to do with the dogs?
Are any of you interested in watching the Hell Hounds for us while we’re gone?
Never mind, we’ll take them with us. I don’t think anyone will mind. Their good dogs!
C’mon Guys. Bill! Janice! Let’s go bye-byes.
Are you ready, Babe?… Here, I’ll take that.
I gotta go y’all.
Axel! We’ll be back.
Later, Dudes And Dudettes!

Only last year did I realize that I actually love "fantasy", I just never called it that. I love books that deal with the fantastic - especially things that make me feel challenged, on-edge, and/or unsettled. For me, fantasy is not escapism but an exploration of conceits that can't be approached in other forms of fiction. The example I'll give to anyone willing to listen is Jorge Luis Borges, whose short-form fiction collected within Labyrinths and Ficciones frequently considers philosophical concepts taken to their logical extremes. For example: what if two people wrote the exact same book? Does the fact it's two different people with two different lives, backgrounds, and belief systems change what individual lines mean, or do we take Death of the Author to its extreme and treat them as the exact same book?
For 2023, my bingo card was the sardonic "Weird shit I read in the woods". Depending on your point of view, my obsession of mountaineering is either mania or hyperfocus; I like to read books in my tent after long days. Spring here has been an absolute clusterfuck of work and weather (and on top of that I'm dealing with a twisted ankle) so these eight books might be better described as "Weird shit I read while plaintively sighing westward". My goal this year is to do full-on hard mode; an erect bingo card.
So far, it's been an awesome year. Five books I strongly enjoyed (with one potentially being a top 20 book I've ever read), two I felt "eh" on but have things to recommend, and only one I just didn't enjoy at all (though even that had some good stuff).
Spoilers on content warnings that would spoil notable plot points or interpretations. All scores are out of 5, with a higher score being a stronger rating. Non-fantasy and speculative fiction at the very end.
Thanks, and hope some of these seem interesting to you!
Other write-ups:

• 2023 bingo: Weird shit I read in the woods
• Five books of nature writing with the vibe of fantasy
• Three novellas
• Five short story collections

Criminals (HM): Roadside Picnic by Arkady & Boris Strugatsky

• Appeal: 2.75
• Thinkability: 3
• Weird shit? Inspired a lot of weird shit!
• Reading location: Windowside comfy chair
• Date published: 1972
• Page count: 209, including foreword and afterword
• Tags: USSR literature, aliens, science fiction, influential, eldritch
• Content warnings: Body horror, alcoholism, injury detail, pregnancy, infidelity
• Other bingo squares: Multi-POV, Character with a Disability, Survival (HM), Set in a Small Town (HM), Reference Materials

After reading The Master and Margarita in February and it being one of the best books I've ever read in speculative fiction/fantasy, I decided to consciously pursue more Eastern European and Russian/USSR books. (One of these includes László Krasznahorkai's Sátántangó in April, which is now my fifth favorite book I've ever read.) Both Roadside Picnic and Stanislaw Lem's Solaris rocketed up to the top of the to-read list.
Roadside Picnic is one of the most influential books of contemporary science fiction through the Andrei Tarkovsky movie Stalker and S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series of video games. (Fun fact, the Strugatsky brothers just liked the word.) It takes place in a small town in four distinct time periods over around a decade. This small town (along with several others) were visited by utterly unknowable aliens recently in earth's past whose visit sites are full of strange, dangerous, and immensely valuable artifacts. You (mostly) follow a single stalker named Red and his illegal trips into the Zone, as well as how the Visit impacts his family and those around him.
This'll be one of those books that I like more for the ideas than the content itself. The Zone is fascinating, and I find myself dining on and thinking about the various horrific conceits in the novel. Many of the more insidious aspects are mentioned off-hand, as if the "traps" (how else to think of them from a human perspective?) have become mundane.
However, the book itself is... kind of boring. Perhaps this is because it's so short, which isn't a problem I usually have with speculative fiction (if anything, I overwhelmingly prefer shorter books to longer ones). Forays into the zone are bookended by lots of talking and drinking with what felt like cursory examination of the danger. And I'm not convinced that banality is its own point; Roadside Picnic isn't a character study, as stated in Boris Strugatsky's afterword. Dialogue feels mismatched, chapters start in the middle or at the end of action, and chapters stop right as other events start to move. For a book about the Zone and people's relationship to it, there's an awful lot of puttering about.
The high point is the conversation between two scientist characters. One has a theory about aliens having the eponymous "roadside picnic" and leaving their trash for smaller creatures to obsess over - an absolutely fascinating postmodern outlook on man's purpose in the universe.
I'm glad I read this for the influence on some media that I adore, but it would be a hard sell to someone who isn't deeply invested in the history of Russian science fiction or just wants to get more out of the "Stalker" media.
Multi-POV (HM): Lanny by Max Porter

• Appeal: 4.5
• Thinkability: 4
• Weird shit? The typeset is a character.
• Reading location: Windowside comfy chair
• Date published: 2019
• Page count: 224
• Tags: English literature, "Green Man" mythos, paganism, eald gods, family drama, character study
• Content warnings: Grief, animal death, classism, homophobia, sexual content, bullying, confinement, hate crimes
• Other bingo squares: Dreams, Set in a Small Town (HM)

Just like Borges, I'll exalt the literary merits of Max Porter and Ling Ma (who's also featured here). Both of these are fairly young authors with a small list of works, but I'll easily buy everything they put out if it's anywhere near the quality of what I've read so far.
Porter a British bookstore-owner who writes short novels and novellas (Lanny is his longest) with highly idiosyncratic writing. Have you heard the term "prose-poetry"? Porter writes "prose-poetry-stage directions". Passages are announced with the name of characters in bold, and you read their thoughts or conversations with others rather than "normal" dialogue or descriptions. No surprises his debut Grief Is the Thing with Feathers was indeed adapted for stage, starring Cillian Murphy.
Lanny follows a family who recently moved to a small town outside of London. Their capricious son has a gift for art, cavorts around the town, and has the fine-edged chaos that so many single-digit ages have before they "grow up" or something. The town also embodies the presence of Old Papa Toothwort, a Green Man-esque figure who... inhabits? haunts? is? the town as a sort of genius loci. Toothwort is waking up after a long rest, and the town has changed since last time.
It’s not a spoiler to say that Lanny goes missing. Porter is incredible at describing the creeping fear of searching for a missing child and the irreparable harm it does to a family and community. At one point, POVs switch with every little break as the slow dread sinks in, with characters no longer being introduced but nonetheless distinct, just providing occasional snippets of thoughts or conversation as it turns from "Lanny isn’t home yet in the afternoon" to "have you seen Lanny?" to "I always knew that woman was a bad mum". It is tense.
Spoiler for parents interested in the book but don't want to go in wondering about the missing child plotline: Lanny survives, and the ending is actually kind of sweet in the implied relationship between Lanny, nature, and creativity even after the trauma of his disappearance.
Published in 2024 (HM): This Wretched Valley by Jenny Kiefer

• Appeal: 1.75
• Thinkability: 2
• Weird shit? Kinda?
• Reading location: In bed with a single light on
• Date published: 2024
• Page count: 301
• Tags: Slasher, horror, violent, climbing, Kentucky
• Content warnings: Blood, cannibalism, vomit, child death, animal death
• Other bingo squares: Dreams, Self-Published/Indie, Multi-POV, Survival (HM)

This Wretched Valley was recommended to me as a horror novel that involves climbing. Not only that - it takes place around the Red River Gorge, where I cut my teeth on hard sport climbing. Hell yeah - how could I not?
Four acquaintances uncover a mysterious, brand-new climbing crag in the southeast Kentucky wilderness, and they go to climb the new routes while also study its strange geology. The area turns out to be an eldritch, evil land that shifts and contorts itself to keep people trapped there while luring them with visions of past victims and deep desires. The concept is a little similar to Junji Ito's Uzumaki in that sense, albeit without a singular obsession like that graphic novel's spirals.
The book definitely reflects her understanding/experience within climbing culture at the Red River Gorge, down to referencing specific climbs I've sent. Unfortunately, I felt that the book was a good example of something written by an enthusiast but not so much a writer. The beginning is strong in uncovering the mysterious crag, but the characters just kind of... ruminate. There are flashbacks to other deaths and persons lured there, but there's little to be shown except "land evil!" with inconsistent descriptions of how that evil occurs. People who die there also become evil ghosts (not a spoiler; it happens pretty early on), and it just doesn't really make sense how or why, as if Jenny Kiefer's thoughts on how the land's evil came about changed throughout the novel.
Not that I need everything explained for me, it just felt like "hey what if this land wanted to literally eat people" and only developed about sixty percent of the way. I ended up just being kind of bored, as if each new horror were just "ooo spooky ghost!" rather than something that sank into me. And weirdly enough, there are a lot of descriptions of vomit and its various consistencies. Like, enough that I'm even mentioning it.
This would make a great stylized indie horror B-movie, despite me not liking the book. And even then, I was thinking about why it didn't work for me, which is better than no thoughts at all.
Survival (HM): Beloved by Toni Morrison

• Appeal: 5
• Thinkability: 4
• Weird shit? The fact it isn't "weird" is the most horrific part of it all.
• Reading location: Camping in the Front Range
• Date published: 1987
• Page count: 324
• Tags: Slavery, discursive, ghost story, horror, Civil War literature, Black American literature
• Content warnings: Slavery, infanticide, sexual assault, torture, racism, murder
• Other bingo squares: Criminals, Multi-POV (HM), Set in a Small Town (HM), Author of Color

Beloved was directly cited by the Nobel Committee upon awarding Toni Morrison with the 1993 Nobel Prize in Literature. I see why. Beloved is the kind of book where I want to doubt the humanity of any US citizen even tangentially familiar with slavery who isn't changed upon reading it. I finished it yesterday and stared into space for a few minutes, unhearing my fiancee ask me what kind of burgers I wanted for Memorial Day.
Beloved was inspired by the true story of Margaret Garner - an enslaved woman who escaped to Ohio and killed her daughter before being found so her daughter wouldn't return to the horror of slavery. Horror? That word isn't powerful enough to describe American slavery. Likewise, it would be reductive to call Beloved a horror novel. Though the titular Beloved refers to the ghost of one-year old killed by Sethe (one of the book's protagonists) for the same reason Garner killed her daughter, this is so much more than that. Beloved is both her own story and a eulogy for the "sixty million and more" lost through the Atlantic slave trade - per Morrison's own dedication.
I can't describe more. Nothing I can summarize would be appropriate. It's rare to experience any piece of media so profoundly changing, loving, and heartrending. I can't call it hopeful, but I also can't call it hopeless. The trauma (generational and personal) of slavery is expressed in so many ways - from the "tree" on Sethe's back to the two words "it rained".
This was my first Morrison novel, and two things surprised me. First, I did not anticipate the book to be so discursive. This is not a bad thing. Characters flit back and forth between different time periods in their heads as PTSD, and several times it's an errant action or phrase that sets them off. (After writing that, a friend told me that Morrison coined the word "rememory" to describe this phenomenon; it's also used in the book.) Second, Morrison has such an incredible economy of phrase where one-off references end up having extreme impact, like when I realized Stamp Paid was castrated or what Baby Suggs truly meant when she said "lay down your sword and shield", which was otherwise implied to mean "open your heart to love".
"We got more yesterday than anybody. We need some kind of tomorrow."
Judge a Book By Its Cover (HM): Invisible Cities by Italo Calvino

• Appeal: 4.25
• Thinkability: 4
• Weird shit?
• Reading location: Various coffee shops
• Date published: 1972
• Page count: 165
• Tags: Magical realism, semiotics, Italian literature, combinatorics, parables
• Content warnings: Grief, suicide, ableism
• Other bingo squares: Set in a Small Town (HM), but only if you're a little scamp.

I knew nothing about Invisible Cities other than Italo Calvino was strongly recommended to me. This is a fantastic exploration(!) of semiotics, meaning, and combinatorics through literature. Over 55 short prose vignettes, Marco Polo speaks with Kublai Khan about fantastic cities with a focus on a particular quirk or interpretation of that city. Each city is categorized in one of several themes (Thin Cities, Cities & Desire, Cities & The Sky, etc.), some of which are more steeped in the semiotic discussion, others are allegorical, and still others are simply surreal.
My copy is less than 170 pages, but I easily read 300+ over two weeks given I was so enchanted by each of Calvino's parables. I would read one of the nine sections, pause, and then go back two sections to reread and rethink. This little book is inspiring not only for fantastic places but as a way to simply view your city (whatever that might mean) in new contexts.
My only caveat is that Calvino uses a similar theme of "two cities existing at once" for probably ten of the passages. The book is so strongly organized by patterns and combinations that I found this to be almost a frustrating red-herring in it not really amounting to anything other than a conceipt that Calvino must have liked. Kinda wish he just had a category called "Twin Cities".
As I read, I kept thinking about my time in the Sierra Nevada and similar interpretations with mountains. Like, one of Calvino's stories is about how the archetype you have of a profession in a city makes you collapse any memories of people doing that skill into the single person (i.e. I saw ten stonemasons but I only remember one), kind of like a twisted platonic ideal. It made me think of seeing quaking aspen in the northern Sierra; I can't tell you about one particular aspen, but instead all the ones I've walked past coalesce in my mind as the memory of aspen.
Set in a Small Town (HM): Subdivision by J. Robert Lennon

• Appeal: 3
• Thinkability: 1
• Weird shit? Not as weird as it initially came off.
• Reading location: Climbing trip to Devils Tower (WY)
• Date published: 2021
• Page count: 230
• Tags: Magical realism, dreams, surreal, mundane horror, beige prose
• Content warnings: Domestic abuse, pregnancy, car accident, death, toxic relationship, emotional abuse, medical trauma
• Other bingo squares: Self-Published/Indie

"Set in a Small Town" really gets around on this bingo card. Most of my books so far are set in small towns!
Spoiler free summary: An unnamed woman arrives at a subdivision simply called the Subdivision. She has some memory loss, and she is asked by the owners of her guesthouse to help put together a large puzzle. Along the way she encounters fantastic persons and situations, including a shapeshifting creature called the bakemono that attempts to seduce her with undercurrents of emotional abuse, a child who attends a birthday party where the kids are described as "belonging to the neighborhood", and a courthouse that "analyzes phenomena" under constant threat of a windstorm. She has a personal assistant/AI named Cylvia that seems to be near-omniscient while transforming into different shapes. The story follows her interactions with this Kafka-esque town and cast of characters before culminating in the central mystery: why did she arrive at the Subdivision at all?
Spoilerrific discussion: Put simply, Subdivision would have struck me harder if I hadn't seen this trick pulled in lots of other media. I got that this was a dying dream before the halfway point. Not a flex on my behalf, simply that the puzzle pieces (hehehe) were all there early on. It's one of those books that simultaneously is a little obvious and a little cryptic, and the cryptic parts (such as the birthday party) become more annoying than poignant as they seem to be there to confuse our narrator and just be weird. I love surreality, but if you go to great strides to make things have a symbol, they could be more consistently symbolic. It felt disjointed in how "challenging" it wanted to be - and overly precious when it tried to be heartfelt.
Yet I wanted to keep reading because I wanted to see if Lennon stuck the landing - and he did. Parts like the unnamed narrator being pregnant, the probability well at the house being what the family could have had in a happier life, her forgetting her own name due to the head trauma of the accident, and Cylvia being her unborn child who does survive the accident were nice little "aha!" moments.
Five Short Stories (HM): Bliss Montage by Ling Ma

• Appeal: 3.75
• Thinkability: 2
• Weird shit? Subtly so.
• Reading location: Treadmill
• Date published: 2022
• Page count: 228
• Tags: Magical realism, surreal, Millennial, immigrant experience in the USA
• Content warnings: Emotional abuse, child abuse, drug abuse, parent death
• Other bingo squares: Author of Color, Multi-POV (different perspectives in a single short story)

Short stories are an art, and those who wield them well are masters. Bliss Montage is Ling Ma's second published work and first set of short stories, though some of them were published elsewhere beforehand. I like to describe Ling Ma as a prototypical "Millennial" author, in that I do not believe these stories could be written by someone who wasn't an adolescent during the 1990s boom-era and then experienced her formative years during 9/11 and the 2008 Great Recession. There's a wry exhaustion to the way she writes that just speaks to my experience as well (though I'm over a decade younger than her).
Bliss Montage is on the cusp of speculative fiction in that the fantastic aspects are window dressing for Ling Ma's exploration of relationships and the American immigrant experience. The first (and best) story features a woman who lives in a large mansion with her husband, kids, and every single ex-boyfriend - including flings and one-night stands. It's a fascinating portrayal of how the tendrils of emotional abuse sink into one's psyche, with the follow-up story basically being the "real life" version.
Other stories are less successful... but like I said with Porter, I'll buy everything she releases.
Reference Materials (HM): The Book of Imaginary Beings by Jorge Luis Borges

• Appeal: 3.5
• Thinkability: 4
• Weird shit? Subtly so.
• Reading location: Treadmill
• Date published: 1957
• Page count: 236
• Tags: Magical realism, bestiary,
• Content warnings: Violence
• Other bingo squares: Entitled Animals

Hey look, a book that's only reference materials! And even then, there are plenty of translator's notes and introductory text to make this HM even without the content. And it's Borges??
The Book of Imaginary Beings is a bestiary of mythical beings by Argentinian philosophemagical realism author Jorge Luis Borges in collaboration with Margarita Guerrero. Over 110 entries on various creatures that have haunted and thrilled imaginations, with a focus on western mythologies.
This is a book about the mind's creation of imaginary beings, not the beings themselves. You're not reading this to learn about the lifecycle of the Chinese Dragon, but instead the history of their references and subtle differences between depictions. Borges isn't as interested in directly stating what the creatures are as much as exploring the epistemology about what makes imaginary creatures interesting to us. It's classic Borgesian metafiction in that way!
The bestiary describes beasts as much as it describes their philosophical and moral progeny with the economy of phrase that typifies Borges' short fiction. Most entries are just a couple paragraphs long, and any entry longer than 2 pages is a surprise. Some might find it confusing that he has a single paragraph on elves or his dismissal of the chimera, but it's about the "why" more than the "what" for Borges' take on the fantastic. If there's a downside, it's that Borges is probably too coy for his own good for about one-third of the entries.
Nonfiction and Non-Spec Fic:

• Scott Lankford - Tahoe Beneath the Surface (2010). Historical essays on places and events tied to Lake Tahoe, from Mark Twain to JFK's presidency. Decent local book overall. (Appeal: 3.25, Thinkability: 1)
• László Krasznahorkai - Sátántangó (1985). Hungarian historical fiction in twelve chapters, with each chapter a single unbroken paragraph. Top five book I've ever read. Absolutely loved it; the pub scene felt like I could see every single raindrop. (Appeal: 5, Thinkability: 4)
• Mark Z. Danielewski - House of Leaves (2000). Semi-revisit for me since I got through most of it in 2015. I still think Johnny is annoying, though I "get it" more now. Part of my "sub zeitgeist" bingo card, if I get to it. (Appeal: 4, Thinkability: 3)
• Bruce Tremper - Staying Alive in Avalanche Terrain (2001, 4th edition). The field classic for a reason. (Appeal: 4.5, Thinkability: 5)
• Lynda V. Mapes - Witness Tree (2017). A woman lives in Harvard Forest for a year, centering her life around a single red oak. Unfortunately, it doesn't really feature the tree; it's more about the natural history of New England. (Appeal: 2.5; Thinkability: 1)

​
​
ALESSANDRO ZINGRILLO, Rohan (IT) - Continuity [Clepsydra] / Key Am, BPM 130, 5:58, MP3 14.45 Mb
ANDRXRXSSO - ON THE EDGE [Merphi Music Group] / Key Fm, BPM 130, 1:29, MP3 3.82 Mb
ANDRXRXSSO - ON THE EDGE (SLOWED) [Merphi Music Group] / Key Dm, BPM 111, 1:44, MP3 4.41 Mb
Abhijit Pohankar, Kratex - Priya feat. Amey Date [M-House] / Key Cm, BPM 128, 5:09, MP3 12.52 Mb
Ain TheMachine, Joao Oliveira - Push The Brazilian Groove [Mundo Afora Records] / Key Cm, BPM 106, 2:52, MP3 7.04 Mb
Anakelly, Groove Da Praia - The Rhythm of the Night (Ronan Remix) [Music Brokers] / Key Bm, BPM 122, 2:25, MP3 6.21 Mb
Analog Assassins - Mama Said No [Ooof!] / Key F#m, BPM 124, 5:03, MP3 12.51 Mb
AndyColdBB - On Fire [Luxe Music] / Key Abm, BPM 119, 3:00, MP3 7.53 Mb
Antico Domingo, Mike Atom DJ - Ufo (Stephan Crown Galaxy Remix) [Clepsydra] / Key Am, BPM 127, 6:33, MP3 15.85 Mb
Antonio Lombardo - Tables Have Turned [Ooof!] / Key Am, BPM 126, 7:52, MP3 19.29 Mb
Antonio Lombardo, Adam Ortiz - Rosalita (Adam Ortiz's Rough Translation Mix) [Ooof!] / Key Dm, BPM 125, 7:45, MP3 18.98 Mb
Antonio White - Pluto [7th Cloud] / Key Gm, BPM 125, 7:01, MP3 16.95 Mb
Antonio White - Uranus [7th Cloud] / Key Bm, BPM 125, 7:44, MP3 18.64 Mb
Arnold Jarvis, Joseph Capriati - Peace & Blessings (feat. Arnold Jarvis) (JC's Groove Mix) [Nervous Records] / Key Am, BPM 126, 7:41, MP3 18.77 Mb
Arnold Jarvis, Joseph Capriati - Peace & Blessings (feat. Arnold Jarvis) [Nervous Records] / Key Em, BPM 126, 7:03, MP3 17.25 Mb
Artyem - Edge Phase [Parallel Collective] / Key Am, BPM 135, 5:45, MP3 14.07 Mb
Artyem - Hybrid Tool (Asmodeo Remix) [Parallel Collective] / Key Ebm, BPM 138, 6:07, MP3 14.94 Mb
Artyem - Hybrid Tool [Parallel Collective] / Key Em, BPM 131, 6:54, MP3 16.83 Mb
Artyem, Asmodeo - Not A Hybrid Phase Error [Parallel Collective] / Key Abm, BPM 135, 5:52, MP3 14.35 Mb
Ashbourne - That's How I Do It [Urban GorillazY] / Key Fm, BPM 127, 3:07, MP3 7.81 Mb
Asmodeo - Not A Error (Artyem Remix) [Parallel Collective] / Key Ab, BPM 130, 6:33, MP3 15.99 Mb
Asmodeo - Not A Error [Parallel Collective] / Key Dm, BPM 139, 5:42, MP3 13.94 Mb
Asmodeo - Poison Juice [Parallel Collective] / Key Dbm, BPM 139, 5:37, MP3 13.74 Mb
Atomiccc - No Moreee [Blak Label] / Key Ab, BPM 140, 2:47, MP3 6.90 Mb
Atomise - Images [Urban GorillazY] / Key Cm, BPM 125, 3:02, MP3 7.64 Mb
Avensis - Night [V TRAX] / Key Bm, BPM 128, 3:38, MP3 8.96 Mb
B-Smash - Pressure (Extended) [Tech House Global] / Key Ebm, BPM 128, 3:30, MP3 8.60 Mb
BRAKKOW - Drummachine [Northbeatz Digital] / Key Am, BPM 130, 6:04, MP3 14.74 Mb
BRAKKOW - I Wanna Cu [Northbeatz Digital] / Key Fm, BPM 130, 7:24, MP3 17.97 Mb
BRAKKOW - Our Place [Northbeatz Digital] / Key Cm, BPM 127, 6:53, MP3 16.70 Mb
BRAKKOW - Up Down [Northbeatz Digital] / Key Em, BPM 132, 7:26, MP3 18.03 Mb
BUMBLB - One Day [NICHT SPRECHEN] / Key Dm, BPM 125, 3:20, MP3 8.22 Mb
Bassium - Play [Ensis Records] / Key Ebm, BPM 129, 3:29, MP3 8.71 Mb
Bavinni - Over You [RNC Music] / Key F#m, BPM 126, 3:56, MP3 9.63 Mb
Benita Sa Trinxa - Daylight [Urban GorillazY] / Key Dm, BPM 128, 3:00, MP3 7.55 Mb
BiG AL, Music P - Cosmic Stream (Gorge Remix) [Acker Dub] / Key Gm, BPM 123, 6:17, MP3 15.14 Mb
BiG AL, Music P - Cosmic Stream [Acker Dub] / Key Gm, BPM 124, 6:29, MP3 15.60 Mb
BiG AL, Music P - Quantum Waves [Acker Dub] / Key Gm, BPM 123, 5:30, MP3 13.23 Mb
Billy James, TheConnect, 2LM - Oomp [North of Neptune] / Key Ebm, BPM 128, 3:30, MP3 8.52 Mb
Billy James, TheConnect, 2LM - Oompa [North of Neptune] / Key Ebm, BPM 128, 4:41, MP3 11.37 Mb
Booka Shade - No Memory (Kasia Extended Remix) [Blaufield Music] / Key Am, BPM 124, 4:46, MP3 11.65 Mb
Booka Shade - No Memory [Blaufield Music] / Key Am, BPM 124, 5:54, MP3 14.35 Mb
Booka Shade - Outlandos (LORRAINNE Remix) [Blaufield Music] / Key Am, BPM 125, 6:45, MP3 16.41 Mb
Booka Shade - Outlandos [Blaufield Music] / Key Am, BPM 125, 6:14, MP3 15.18 Mb
Brad Von Gusto - We Hate Machines [Sounds Better] / Key Em, BPM 126, 6:36, MP3 15.96 Mb
Brad Von Gusto - We Love Machines [Sounds Better] / Key Bbm, BPM 105, 7:32, MP3 18.20 Mb
Brazil XXI, Groove Da Praia - Deja Vu [Music Brokers] / Key C, BPM 124, 3:04, MP3 7.76 Mb
Buben - Golden Age [Clepsydra] / Key Bbm, BPM 128, 7:24, MP3 17.90 Mb
Bulbo - Helmet [Clepsydra] / Key Bbm, BPM 130, 6:24, MP3 15.48 Mb
Burak Özan - My Life [EYRA Music] / Key Gm, BPM 105, 3:09, MP3 7.63 Mb
Butch U - Play it Cool [SAVAGE$TATION] / Key Em, BPM 105, 2:41, MP3 6.89 Mb
Cafe De Anatolia, Taris - Peace of Mind [Cafe De Anatolia LAB] / Key Em, BPM 116, 2:39, MP3 6.75 Mb
Canoe Deep, Jim MasterShine, DR Phil RSA - Peace [Murmur MusiQ] / Key Am, BPM 120, 5:34, MP3 13.58 Mb
Capsule Deep SA & Lebz'Bushman - Nton' Nton [31DaysOfGrooves Records] / Key D, BPM 110, 4:05, MP3 9.96 Mb
Cedric Gervais - On My Mind [Delecta Records] / Key Abm, BPM 127, 4:26, MP3 10.97 Mb
Celso Mendes, Groove Da Praia, Michelle Simonal - Speed of Sound (Groove Da Praia Bossa Mix) [Music Brokers] / Key A, BPM 114, 4:16, MP3 10.65 Mb
Chase Bo Camp - Pops [127.0.0.1] / Key Bm, BPM 90, 2:07, MP3 5.81 Mb
Chris Lehmann - Darkshine [Clepsydra] / Key Bbm, BPM 128, 6:48, MP3 16.44 Mb
Claudio Giordano - Moody Blues [What You Like Black] / Key Gm, BPM 122, 6:06, MP3 14.72 Mb
Cloudy Bubbles - On My Own [Chillout Tales] / Key Bm, BPM 105, 1:57, MP3 5.04 Mb
Cocktail Cool - Back To Normality (Extended) [Snake Beat] / Key Em, BPM 128, 7:18, MP3 17.72 Mb
Cocktail Cool - Nothing Special (Extended) [Snake Beat] / Key Am, BPM 126, 7:18, MP3 17.72 Mb
Cocktail Cool - Phases (Extended) [Snake Beat] / Key Ebm, BPM 127, 8:32, MP3 20.68 Mb
Cocktail Cool - The Gov'na (Extended) [Snake Beat] / Key Dbm, BPM 127, 7:36, MP3 18.44 Mb
Corbeler - Dieta [Urban GorillazY] / Key Bbm, BPM 125, 3:14, MP3 8.10 Mb
Cristian Glitch - Whispers [Clepsydra] / Key Ebm, BPM 135, 6:11, MP3 14.95 Mb
D35 - Old School [Boosted Entertainment] / Key Gm, BPM 130, 6:11, MP3 15.18 Mb
D4RKBEAT - Push It [Dark Mountain Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 128, 3:56, MP3 9.61 Mb
DIDI (DE) - Peace of Mind [Das Ohr Digital] / Key Gm, BPM 128, 5:53, MP3 14.29 Mb
DJ Baloo - Cuenta Regresiva [Oxytech Limited] / Key F#m, BPM 128, 6:04, MP3 14.76 Mb
DJ Baloo - Potalah [Oxytech Limited] / Key Dbm, BPM 125, 7:45, MP3 18.80 Mb
DJ Baloo - Summer Work Again [Oxytech Limited] / Key Am, BPM 125, 7:14, MP3 17.57 Mb
DJ Baloo - Universo 6 [Oxytech Limited] / Key Bbm, BPM 125, 10:18, MP3 24.94 Mb
DJ OleG, Alexander Lumen - New Life [Poison Beat] / Key Cm, BPM 124, 8:29, MP3 20.64 Mb
DJ Rocca, Mike Riviera - HAUS [forTunea] / Key Cm, BPM 126, 6:16, MP3 15.23 Mb
DJ Rocca, Mike Riviera - Saturday Bounce [forTunea] / Key Fm, BPM 120, 6:41, MP3 16.24 Mb
DJ Rocca, Mike Riviera - Still Awake [forTunea] / Key Am, BPM 124, 5:16, MP3 12.85 Mb
DJ Rocca, Mike Riviera - Sunday Mass [forTunea] / Key Abm, BPM 120, 5:09, MP3 12.57 Mb
DJ Tomer, Mayan, Ricardo Gi - No Other Way (VooDoo Tribe Extended Mix) [Mahaba] / Key Am, BPM 122, 5:42, MP3 14.13 Mb
DYSLOYAL - PRIME TIME [Reactive Records Label] / Key Fm, BPM 128, 3:58, MP3 10.05 Mb
Da Tweekaz, R3HAB - My Girl [Tomorrowland Music] / Key Bm, BPM 152, 3:41, MP3 9.18 Mb
Daddy Squad - Music Is The Light (Acapella) [AAA Battery] / Key F#m, BPM 131, 3:19, MP3 8.04 Mb
Daddy Squad - Music Is The Light (Extended) [AAA Battery] / Key Abm, BPM 132, 5:26, MP3 13.13 Mb
Daddy Squad - Music Is The Light (Instrumental) [AAA Battery] / Key Abm, BPM 132, 5:26, MP3 13.13 Mb
Dan Lambourne - Visions [Urban GorillazY] / Key Gm, BPM 123, 3:24, MP3 8.50 Mb
Dany Cohiba - Orquestra Peruana [AFRO MADIBA RECORDS] / Key Bbm, BPM 126, 7:11, MP3 17.66 Mb
Dark Matter - 2044 Ad [Clepsydra] / Key Ebm, BPM 134, 6:28, MP3 15.64 Mb
Dennis Engelhardt - When We Meet Again [Clepsydra] / Key Gm, BPM 128, 8:30, MP3 20.52 Mb
Devinity, Raiko - Oops [Tremble] / Key Cm, BPM 126, 2:31, MP3 6.43 Mb
Dew Stelmakhov - Dub Culprit 01 [Ooof!] / Key Bbm, BPM 116, 7:13, MP3 17.72 Mb
Diego Olarte - Coming [Unsorted] / Key Am, BPM 125, 6:57, MP3 16.93 Mb
Diego Olarte - Lies [Unsorted] / Key Em, BPM 125, 7:12, MP3 17.54 Mb
Diego Olarte - Pressure [Unsorted] / Key Gm, BPM 123, 7:05, MP3 17.26 Mb
Digitalism, Daddy Squad - Music Is The Light (Digitalism Extended Remix) [AAA Battery] / Key Gm, BPM 128, 4:53, MP3 11.81 Mb
Digitalism, Daddy Squad - Music Is The Light (Digitalism Remix Instrumental) [AAA Battery] / Key Gm, BPM 128, 4:53, MP3 11.81 Mb
Dimitri Cooman - Oblivion [Cherry Moon Records] / Key Abm, BPM 143, 5:37, MP3 13.76 Mb
Dimitri Cooman - Pleasantries [Cherry Moon Records] / Key Abm, BPM 137, 6:21, MP3 15.52 Mb
Dirty House Ink., Delex_Music - No Tomorrow [Global Basss One] / Key Eb, BPM 128, 2:06, MP3 5.23 Mb
Dj Habias, Diboba - Queres Quê? (Instrumental Mix) [Guettoz Muzik Streaming Pool] / Key C, BPM 123, 6:01, MP3 14.97 Mb
Dj Habias, Diboba - Queres Quê? [Guettoz Muzik Streaming Pool] / Key Cm, BPM 123, 6:01, MP3 14.97 Mb
Doktor Loop - Berghain [Montedo Music Production] / Key Cm, BPM 135, 6:55, MP3 16.90 Mb
Doktor Loop, Demaklenco - Queen Mood [Montedo Music Production] / Key Bbm, BPM 126, 5:17, MP3 12.97 Mb
Doktor Loop, Demaklenco - Queen Mood (Ultra Short Version) [Montedo Music Production] / Key Bbm, BPM 111, 1:05, MP3 2.91 Mb
Doltz, Kai Galactic - Noton feat. Doltz (Doltz Mix) [DAYBREAK] / Key Fm, BPM 70, 6:49, MP3 16.88 Mb
Drewtech - Club Addiction (Remastered) [DT Music] / Key Abm, BPM 128, 6:32, MP3 15.80 Mb
Drewtech - Illusions (Remastered) [DT Music] / Key Dm, BPM 130, 6:00, MP3 14.52 Mb
Drewtech - New Cities (Remastered) [DT Music] / Key Am, BPM 128, 7:17, MP3 17.60 Mb
Drewtech - Regeneration [DT Music] / Key Cm, BPM 128, 6:04, MP3 14.67 Mb
Drewtech - Roar [DT Music] / Key Bb, BPM 130, 7:26, MP3 17.96 Mb
Drewtech - Spaceship [DT Music] / Key Abm, BPM 130, 6:12, MP3 15.00 Mb
Drewtech - Sunrays [DT Music] / Key Cm, BPM 125, 5:39, MP3 13.68 Mb
Drewtech - Swing (Remastered) [DT Music] / Key Cm, BPM 132, 6:35, MP3 15.94 Mb
Drewtech - Synthesis (Remastered) [DT Music] / Key Am, BPM 134, 6:01, MP3 14.56 Mb
Drewtech - The Secrets [DT Music] / Key Abm, BPM 132, 5:51, MP3 14.16 Mb
Drucal - 5am [MSD Label Series] / Key Am, BPM 138, 6:18, MP3 15.59 Mb
Dykkon - 4am [MSD Label Series] / Key Abm, BPM 144, 5:27, MP3 13.54 Mb
EitherOr - On Fire! [Bish Bash Records] / Key Bm, BPM 128, 4:32, MP3 11.18 Mb
Electric Echo Ensemble - Boléro [Classential] / Key G, BPM 100, 1:09, MP3 2.89 Mb
Electric Echo Ensemble - Eine kleine Nachtmusik, K. 525: I. Allegro [Classential] / Key D, BPM 140, 5:40, MP3 13.73 Mb
Electric Echo Ensemble - Flute Quartet in D major, K. 285: II. Adagio [Classential] / Key D, BPM 124, 4:28, MP3 10.83 Mb
Electric Echo Ensemble - Grande valse brillante, Op. 18 [Classential] / Key Bbm, BPM 115, 5:13, MP3 12.64 Mb
Electric Echo Ensemble - Maple Leaf Rag [Classential] / Key Ab, BPM 130, 2:19, MP3 5.68 Mb
Electric Echo Ensemble - Messiah, HWV 56, Part II: 44. Hallelujah [Classential] / Key D, BPM 94, 4:04, MP3 9.87 Mb
Electric Echo Ensemble - Moto perpetuo, Op.11 [Classential] / Key G, BPM 147, 5:11, MP3 12.58 Mb
Electric Echo Ensemble - Nocturnes, Op. 9: I. Larghetto (B-flat minor) [Classential] / Key Bbm, BPM 133, 4:22, MP3 10.62 Mb
Electric Echo Ensemble - Rondo a capriccio, Op. 129 [Classential] / Key D, BPM 146, 6:29, MP3 15.70 Mb
Electric Echo Ensemble - The Firebird: III. Dance of the Firebird [Classential] / Key Abm, BPM 90, 1:39, MP3 4.07 Mb
Electric Echo Ensemble - Turandot, SC 91/Act 3: Nessun dorma! [Classential] / Key D, BPM 109, 3:14, MP3 7.87 Mb
Electric Echo Ensemble - Waltz No. 14 in E minor, B. 56 [Classential] / Key B, BPM 193, 3:24, MP3 8.28 Mb
Eli Rojas, Dymos & Shizzo, Pili Velasquez - Natural [Miami 305] / Key Gm, BPM 120, 7:07, MP3 17.31 Mb
Ella Henderson, Frank Walker - I Go Dancing [Palm Tree Records] / Key Eb, BPM 112, 2:43, MP3 6.66 Mb
Enument - Motion [Equites] / Key Dbm, BPM 115, 2:09, MP3 5.29 Mb
FLØNY - NIGHT [Merphi Music Group] / Key G, BPM 115, 2:34, MP3 6.28 Mb
FLØNY, PHONK UNITED DYNASTY - Metamorph [Merphi Music Group] / Key Am, BPM 145, 2:09, MP3 5.56 Mb
FLØNY, PHONK UNITED DYNASTY, ArtLI - crime swag [Merphi Music Group] / Key C, BPM 130, 1:47, MP3 4.68 Mb
Fabio MC, Carmine Caputo - Mad Bull [Clepsydra] / Key Bbm, BPM 135, 5:48, MP3 14.06 Mb
False Intentions - Push It Back [Urban GorillazY] / Key Gm, BPM 125, 4:01, MP3 9.96 Mb
Feed.It. - Mind Game [Equites] / Key Fm, BPM 126, 2:33, MP3 6.31 Mb
Flatbeat - Poledancer [flam] / Key Abm, BPM 137, 5:37, MP3 13.69 Mb
Floam - Guatavita [Lucifero Records] / Key F#m, BPM 142, 3:41, MP3 9.04 Mb
Floam - Laguna [Lucifero Records] / Key F#m, BPM 140, 4:49, MP3 11.75 Mb
Floam - Noche de Fogata [Lucifero Records] / Key Em, BPM 145, 4:41, MP3 11.43 Mb
Floway - Pink Soldiers (Extended) [Lithuania HQ] / Key Fm, BPM 150, 3:00, MP3 7.71 Mb
Force - Play It [Plattenbau Music] / Key Ebm, BPM 126, 3:33, MP3 8.77 Mb
Francesco Diaz, Stefano Martiago - Not Seen (Video Edit) [Urban GorillazY] / Key Gm, BPM 125, 2:36, MP3 6.56 Mb
Frank Walker - Dawn (Outro) [Palm Tree Records] / Key B, BPM 118, 0:39, MP3 1.73 Mb
Frank Walker - Dusk (Intro) [Palm Tree Records] / Key Bm, BPM 170, 1:18, MP3 3.28 Mb
Frank Walker - Love in the Moment [Palm Tree Records] / Key Db, BPM 140, 3:11, MP3 7.82 Mb
Frank Walker - Oh What A Feeling [Palm Tree Records] / Key Bm, BPM 124, 2:47, MP3 6.82 Mb
Frank Walker, Crooked Bangs - White Horses [Palm Tree Records] / Key Bm, BPM 116, 3:57, MP3 9.63 Mb
Frank Walker, Jake Banfield - Someone I Need to Know [Palm Tree Records] / Key Eb, BPM 122, 3:09, MP3 7.72 Mb
Frank Walker, Josh Breaks - Youngblood [Palm Tree Records] / Key A, BPM 126, 3:02, MP3 7.43 Mb
Frank Walker, Lucas Estrada - Bad Town [Palm Tree Records] / Key Cm, BPM 143, 2:36, MP3 6.39 Mb
Frank Walker, Stephen Puth - Waiting [Palm Tree Records] / Key C, BPM 127, 3:15, MP3 7.95 Mb
Frank Walker, Tyler Shaw - Gravity [Palm Tree Records] / Key Bb, BPM 138, 3:03, MP3 7.48 Mb
Fred Asquith - How to Get Good at Something [HomeMort] / Key Gm, BPM 140, 6:02, MP3 15.09 Mb
Fred Asquith - No Longer Gentle [HomeMort] / Key Cm, BPM 140, 6:55, MP3 17.21 Mb
Fred Asquith - Step Free [HomeMort] / Key Bbm, BPM 145, 7:07, MP3 17.72 Mb
Fyex - MONEY ON THE DASH (Extended Version) [Bounce & Bass] / Key Dm, BPM 160, 2:50, MP3 7.00 Mb
G. Major - Stargate [Ooof!] / Key Dm, BPM 127, 6:35, MP3 16.19 Mb
G.B - Be My Trump [Urban GorillazY] / Key Ebm, BPM 125, 2:04, MP3 5.31 Mb
Gabriel Dancer - Keep Movin [Urban GorillazY] / Key Gm, BPM 123, 2:24, MP3 6.12 Mb
Gabriel Wnz - Dark (Pitch! Remix) [Clepsydra] / Key Fm, BPM 135, 7:10, MP3 17.31 Mb
Gatto - Feel It [Hoof Recordings] / Key F#m, BPM 135, 2:54, MP3 7.08 Mb
Gatto - Fire in the Hills [Hoof Recordings] / Key Bm, BPM 131, 2:59, MP3 7.28 Mb
Gatto - Iguana [Hoof Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 133, 2:52, MP3 7.01 Mb
Gatto - On the Edge [Hoof Recordings] / Key Am, BPM 130, 2:53, MP3 7.03 Mb
Gatto - Stripes [Hoof Recordings] / Key Dbm, BPM 134, 2:56, MP3 7.17 Mb
Gatto - Whispers at Midnight [Hoof Recordings] / Key Dbm, BPM 132, 2:39, MP3 6.48 Mb
Gigi Fajardo - Night Rhythm [What You Like Black] / Key Cm, BPM 124, 6:14, MP3 15.05 Mb
Giorgio Gee, SRNDE - Missing [The Night Drive] / Key Am, BPM 125, 2:56, MP3 7.36 Mb
Gonzalo Madariaga - Aquatical [Redlof Black] / Key Cm, BPM 131, 7:20, MP3 17.71 Mb
Gonzalo Madariaga - Nazca [Redlof Black] / Key Gm, BPM 130, 7:12, MP3 17.40 Mb
Green Gnome - Que Quiera (James The Plan Remix) [Urban GorillazY] / Key Ebm, BPM 125, 5:07, MP3 12.63 Mb
Grenno - No Stoppin' [Zero Deep] / Key F#m, BPM 128, 4:30, MP3 11.17 Mb
Griffin Hanekamp, Steve Is Space - Moving Through Time [U3 Recordings] / Key B, BPM 122, 5:55, MP3 14.24 Mb
Groove Da Praia - Chained to the Rhythm (Ronan Remix) [Music Brokers] / Key Am, BPM 123, 1:54, MP3 4.97 Mb
Groove Da Praia - Is This Love (Ronan Instrumental Remix) [Music Brokers] / Key F#m, BPM 120, 2:46, MP3 7.05 Mb
Groove Da Praia - Is This Love (Ronan Remix) [Music Brokers] / Key F#m, BPM 120, 2:46, MP3 7.05 Mb
Groove Da Praia - Love Again [Music Brokers] / Key Bbm, BPM 116, 2:40, MP3 6.79 Mb
Groove Da Praia, Marianne Pretty - Cold Heart [Music Brokers] / Key G, BPM 95, 2:53, MP3 7.32 Mb
Groove Da Praia, Mayla Da Viola - Water (Bossa Nova Version) [Music Brokers] / Key Ebm, BPM 117, 2:44, MP3 6.96 Mb
Groove Da Praia, Urselle - Digging Your Scene [Music Brokers] / Key Dm, BPM 86, 2:56, MP3 7.45 Mb
Guilou - A380 [Clepsydra] / Key Abm, BPM 132, 6:49, MP3 16.49 Mb
HXTC, Cosmic Rush - Little Green Men [Clepsydra] / Key A, BPM 130, 5:55, MP3 14.34 Mb
Hamidshax - Power [LTB Records] / Key Bm, BPM 100, 7:15, MP3 17.52 Mb
Hayit Murat - Phantom [EYRA Music] / Key Am, BPM 108, 3:41, MP3 8.92 Mb
Horisani De Healer, Village Guru - Ngiyahamba (Der Larm G.E.K Remix) [Introspektivez-Recordings] / Key Ebm, BPM 115, 7:15, MP3 17.59 Mb
Horisani De Healer, Village Guru - Ngiyahamba (Horisani De Healer Instrumental) [Introspektivez-Recordings] / Key Abm, BPM 120, 7:01, MP3 17.03 Mb
Horisani De Healer, Village Guru - Ngiyahamba (MellowMusiQue Play dub Remix) [Introspektivez-Recordings] / Key Ebm, BPM 120, 6:27, MP3 15.67 Mb
Horisani De Healer, Village Guru - Ngiyahamba [Introspektivez-Recordings] / Key Abm, BPM 120, 7:01, MP3 17.03 Mb
IDEMI - Dum Dum [Hottrax] / Key Bbm, BPM 130, 5:25, MP3 13.41 Mb
IDEMI - Outta The Box [Hottrax] / Key Abm, BPM 132, 4:51, MP3 12.05 Mb
IMPULSE FACTORY - Virus [Clepsydra] / Key Abm, BPM 130, 6:15, MP3 15.13 Mb
IceFxRZ, PHONK UNITED DYNASTY - F1 [Merphi Music Group] / Key Bm, BPM 105, 1:59, MP3 5.15 Mb
IceFxRZ, PHONK UNITED DYNASTY - ONE SEC. ON MEMPHIS [Merphi Music Group] / Key Abm, BPM 95, 1:44, MP3 4.54 Mb
Indragersn - One of the girl [Independent Co.] / Key Gm, BPM 126, 2:37, MP3 6.39 Mb
JERICAL - Mastermind [Jerical Records] / Key Bbm, BPM 137, 5:46, MP3 13.90 Mb
JERICAL - Shock Treatment [Jerical Records] / Key Eb, BPM 136, 5:25, MP3 13.05 Mb
JERICAL - Uncharted [Jerical Records] / Key Abm, BPM 137, 5:30, MP3 13.26 Mb
JERICAL - Walrus [Jerical Records] / Key Abm, BPM 138, 5:29, MP3 13.23 Mb
JL & Afterman - Move To The Beat (JL & Afterman Mix) [MilanoNights] / Key Ebm, BPM 126, 4:06, MP3 10.04 Mb
JOBA - PlayBack [Stashed Cutz] / Key Bbm, BPM 128, 6:02, MP3 14.67 Mb
Jamie Hughes - Party People [Raveclique] / Key Bm, BPM 140, 4:58, MP3 12.09 Mb
Jesus & Genius - Middle East Beast [DISSKORIENTA] / Key Em, BPM 101, 4:09, MP3 10.05 Mb
JfAlexsander - El Mar Azul (Jaemus Too Cold Remix) [Deep Fix Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 122, 6:19, MP3 15.36 Mb
JfAlexsander - Move Body and Mind (Manuel Costela Remix) [Deep Fix Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 116, 7:48, MP3 18.93 Mb
Joe Crazy - Midnight Symphony [Future Soundz] / Key F#m, BPM 126, 3:49, MP3 9.62 Mb
Joe Crazy - Midnight Symphony [Future Soundz] / Key A, BPM 128, 3:11, MP3 8.14 Mb
Joe Killington, Frank Walker - The Fall [Palm Tree Records] / Key F#m, BPM 119, 2:45, MP3 6.76 Mb
Juan Ddd, Emanuel Querol - Percubana [Arrivals Medellin] / Key Bb, BPM 126, 6:46, MP3 16.70 Mb
Junne - Awakening [Clepsydra] / Key Ab, BPM 134, 6:38, MP3 16.04 Mb
K-Deey - Savage [Clepsydra] / Key Bm, BPM 128, 6:26, MP3 15.57 Mb
KARÍTAS - Million Years [Sony Music Iceland] / Key Gm, BPM 108, 3:50, MP3 9.44 Mb
KENO - PRAY [Urban GorillazY] / Key Fm, BPM 126, 2:54, MP3 7.31 Mb
KIKOK - Motus [Magnetron Music] / Key G, BPM 120, 5:38, MP3 13.76 Mb
KMYLE - Codex [KMYLE RECORDS] / Key Abm, BPM 140, 6:12, MP3 15.54 Mb
KMYLE - Eyes focus [KMYLE RECORDS] / Key B, BPM 138, 8:31, MP3 21.11 Mb
KMYLE - Metamorph [KMYLE RECORDS] / Key Dbm, BPM 142, 7:21, MP3 18.31 Mb
KMYLE - Soul [KMYLE RECORDS] / Key F#m, BPM 138, 6:17, MP3 15.72 Mb
KMYLE - Spiral vision [KMYLE RECORDS] / Key Abm, BPM 140, 7:47, MP3 19.34 Mb
Kai Galactic - Noton [DAYBREAK] / Key Fm, BPM 128, 6:52, MP3 16.96 Mb
Kai Galactic - Reis [DAYBREAK] / Key Am, BPM 132, 6:30, MP3 16.09 Mb
Kai Galactic - Valo [DAYBREAK] / Key Abm, BPM 130, 6:51, MP3 16.94 Mb
Kalondoly - Paradise [LucidPlain Records] / Key Dbm, BPM 112, 2:48, MP3 6.91 Mb
Katlego Swizz, Pancamo - Rabbit On The Moon [Just Move Records] / Key Fm, BPM 120, 5:36, MP3 13.90 Mb
Katlego Swizz, Pancamo - Sela Huso [Just Move Records] / Key Fm, BPM 120, 6:56, MP3 17.09 Mb
Klaptra - Peligrosa (Club Edit) [Urban GorillazY] / Key C, BPM 125, 3:06, MP3 7.77 Mb
La Sam, Alan Thomson - No Arm Done (Extended Version) [M11 Selects] / Key Gm, BPM 127, 6:03, MP3 14.67 Mb
LaMooc, Tropa do Bruxo - O Melhor Dia Da Sua Vida É Hoje (remix) [Lamooc] / Key Dm, BPM 130, 4:30, MP3 11.01 Mb
Lass (FR) - The Switch [Urban GorillazY] / Key Ebm, BPM 126, 5:52, MP3 14.41 Mb
Laurent Simeca - Open Your Eyes [Keep On Dancing Music] / Key Dm, BPM 130, 4:25, MP3 10.78 Mb
Lavelle Dupree, Freshcobar, Erick Diaz - Push It Up [NOS Recordings] / Key Fm, BPM 123, 5:16, MP3 13.08 Mb
Lavelle Dupree, Freshcobar, Erick Diaz - Push It Up [NOS Recordings] / Key Fm, BPM 123, 3:33, MP3 8.95 Mb
Leave It Till Monday - Now Or Never [Ribelle White] / Key Dbm, BPM 122, 5:19, MP3 12.99 Mb
Lee Nova - Heart Stopper [Telepathy] / Key Fm, BPM 125, 7:17, MP3 17.88 Mb
Lee Nova - Lover [Telepathy] / Key D, BPM 126, 6:17, MP3 15.48 Mb
Lee Nova - My Heart [Telepathy] / Key Gm, BPM 125, 7:48, MP3 19.11 Mb
Leo Som - Amigo [Pure Enjoyment Black] / Key Em, BPM 123, 6:31, MP3 15.88 Mb
Leo Som - Paralelo [Pure Enjoyment Black] / Key G, BPM 125, 5:31, MP3 13.48 Mb
Leopold Bär - Just a Dance [Klangtrauma Records] / Key Bbm, BPM 134, 5:30, MP3 13.55 Mb
Leopold Bär - Nine O Nine [Klangtrauma Records] / Key Am, BPM 137, 5:30, MP3 13.55 Mb
Liquid Rose - Girls [Urban GorillazY] / Key Cm, BPM 123, 3:39, MP3 9.08 Mb
Lissa, Jane Good, Monte Clerigo - My Baby [Fair Music Records] / Key Bb, BPM 102, 1:53, MP3 4.73 Mb
Loopdeville - Keebap Chi [Ooof!] / Key G, BPM 123, 7:17, MP3 17.88 Mb
Lounes, Agrume, The Clever Move - Music & Waves feat. The Clever Move (2024 Remaster) [96 Musique] / Key Bb, BPM 120, 2:39, MP3 6.67 Mb
MR.TECHDJ - People Say [LIVING MUSIC RECORDS] / Key Dm, BPM 128, 6:30, MP3 15.93 Mb
Malantè (UK) - Let Me See [Urban GorillazY] / Key Dm, BPM 126, 6:21, MP3 15.58 Mb
Maliki - Paranoid Droid (Dub Mix) [Little Insects] / Key Am, BPM 125, 5:57, MP3 14.77 Mb
Maliki - Paranoid Droid [Little Insects] / Key Am, BPM 125, 6:00, MP3 14.87 Mb
Malone, Nacho Scoppa - On Yo Head [WHYNOTUS] / Key Ebm, BPM 128, 6:04, MP3 14.92 Mb
Mandisa, Afro Wav - Out Of Love (Afro Wav Rework) [Seres Producoes] / Key Ebm, BPM 120, 7:04, MP3 17.42 Mb
Marcos Cruz - Oceans (Revision) [Desertica Records] / Key D, BPM 122, 7:52, MP3 19.05 Mb
Marko Leandro - No va a Parar [This House Music Records] / Key Bbm, BPM 128, 5:47, MP3 14.14 Mb
Marlon Hoffstadt, Blazey, DJ Daddy Trance - My Mama Dropped LSD in the 90's (Extended) [Columbia Local] / Key Am, BPM 148, 4:19, MP3 10.54 Mb
Masters At Work, Kenny Dope, Louie Vega - Organi (Groove You Mix) [MAW Records] / Key Bm, BPM 125, 6:59, MP3 17.31 Mb
Masters At Work, Kenny Dope, Louie Vega - Organi [MAW Records] / Key Em, BPM 125, 6:36, MP3 16.42 Mb
Matthew Scott - Stfu [Ooof!] / Key F#m, BPM 126, 6:25, MP3 15.79 Mb
Maximo Quinones - Colombiana [Urban GorillazY] / Key Bbm, BPM 124, 3:10, MP3 7.93 Mb
Meduzza - Other Side [Clepsydra] / Key Em, BPM 127, 7:07, MP3 17.21 Mb
Meftun Kadam - My Pain [Soundtype] / Key Em, BPM 100, 2:37, MP3 6.56 Mb
Merch - 6am [Ooof!] / Key Abm, BPM 124, 6:27, MP3 15.88 Mb
Mesh Black - Like a Drum [Clepsydra] / Key Am, BPM 128, 7:08, MP3 17.22 Mb
Mimmo Errico - Acid Heart [Urban GorillazY] / Key Cm, BPM 126, 2:35, MP3 6.55 Mb
Mirco Nese - Occhi Brown [Orangle Records] / Key Cm, BPM 120, 2:42, MP3 6.72 Mb
Mishka (AUS) - Detach [Blechtrommel] / Key Fm, BPM 145, 5:38, MP3 13.61 Mb
Mishka (AUS) - No Need to Wait [Blechtrommel] / Key Cm, BPM 140, 5:02, MP3 12.17 Mb
Mistic Green - The Violin (Dub Edit) [Urban GorillazY] / Key Fm, BPM 122, 3:13, MP3 8.04 Mb
Mossed - 2am [MSD Label Series] / Key F#m, BPM 140, 5:35, MP3 13.86 Mb
Mousekat - Love Me (Club Edit) [Urban GorillazY] / Key Abm, BPM 124, 2:37, MP3 6.61 Mb
NMG, Nassri - Oh Na Na [M.N. Records] / Key Fm, BPM 98, 3:27, MP3 8.34 Mb
NTFO - Osmotic [Jargon] / Key Am, BPM 127, 6:18, MP3 15.18 Mb
NTFO - Saca [Jargon] / Key Bm, BPM 126, 8:08, MP3 19.56 Mb
Nate Smith, Frank Walker - Missing You [Palm Tree Records] / Key Db, BPM 124, 3:07, MP3 7.65 Mb
Neshga - Bunga Now [SK Recordings] / Key Gm, BPM 130, 6:41, MP3 16.25 Mb
Neshga - Pussy [SK Recordings] / Key Am, BPM 130, 6:09, MP3 15.00 Mb
Nesto (US) - Pink Line [Ooof!] / Key Cm, BPM 127, 11:05, MP3 27.00 Mb
Nevolla - Beyond [Urban GorillazY] / Key Dbm, BPM 125, 3:17, MP3 8.20 Mb
Nhitto - Asador Donostiarra [Clepsydra] / Key F#m, BPM 126, 5:47, MP3 13.99 Mb
ORYMA - Karthago [Clepsydra] / Key Cm, BPM 132, 7:38, MP3 18.45 Mb
Octal - Back To Track [Maintain Replay Records] / Key Am, BPM 125, 6:38, MP3 16.09 Mb
Octal - Beach And Sun [Maintain Replay Records] / Key Cm, BPM 126, 8:46, MP3 21.20 Mb
Octal - Isla [Maintain Replay Records] / Key Fm, BPM 124, 5:42, MP3 13.86 Mb
Octal - Now Do Jazz [Maintain Replay Records] / Key Abm, BPM 131, 6:14, MP3 15.13 Mb
Optimuss - Wexel [Clepsydra] / Key Em, BPM 130, 6:31, MP3 15.78 Mb
Option Isaac - Octopus [AFRO MADIBA RECORDS] / Key Bm, BPM 120, 5:54, MP3 14.53 Mb
Panico, Mauro Vay, Vivian B. - Movin' On (Carlo Esse Remix Video Edit) [Bit Records] / Key E, BPM 138, 2:10, MP3 5.41 Mb
Panico, Mauro Vay, Vivian B. - Movin' On (Carlo Esse Remix) [Bit Records] / Key E, BPM 138, 3:18, MP3 8.13 Mb
Papa Khan - Miracle Protocol [MISUH COLLECTIVE] / Key Dm, BPM 150, 4:13, MP3 10.47 Mb
Peter Miese - People Dislike Me [Technowerk] / Key Abm, BPM 128, 7:04, MP3 17.15 Mb
Pfeffermouse - Out Of The Dust [Audiolog Music] / Key Cm, BPM 105, 4:22, MP3 10.72 Mb
Phil Morrison - Groove Attack [Urban GorillazY] / Key Cm, BPM 126, 2:42, MP3 6.84 Mb
Pittsburgh Track Authority - Mon Acid (Deep) [Pittsburgh Tracks] / Key Gm, BPM 132, 6:02, MP3 14.60 Mb
Pittsburgh Track Authority - Mon Acid (Edit for Gusto) [Pittsburgh Tracks] / Key Gm, BPM 132, 4:24, MP3 10.69 Mb
Pittsburgh Track Authority - Mon Acid [Pittsburgh Tracks] / Key Gm, BPM 132, 6:38, MP3 16.02 Mb
Plural_izm - Angara [Clepsydra] / Key Gm, BPM 130, 5:58, MP3 14.45 Mb
Porte - Ocean (2nd Edit) [Baijan Records] / Key Bbm, BPM 110, 3:54, MP3 9.62 Mb
Quantizers - Crop Circles (Steve Lorenz Remix) [Clepsydra] / Key F#m, BPM 129, 7:28, MP3 18.06 Mb
D/V - 1am [MSD Label Series] / Key Dm, BPM 135, 5:45, MP3 14.27 Mb
R66 (Col) - Learn [M4rlow Records] / Key Bm, BPM 138, 5:34, MP3 13.42 Mb
R66 (Col) - Practice [M4rlow Records] / Key Am, BPM 138, 7:11, MP3 17.31 Mb
R66 (Col) - Theory [M4rlow Records] / Key F#, BPM 138, 5:41, MP3 13.69 Mb
RAIZHELL - PULL THE KRUSHER [Warner Music] / Key Dm, BPM 110, 1:39, MP3 4.12 Mb
RAIZHELL - PULL THE KRUSHER - Slowed [Warner Music] / Key Cm, BPM 100, 1:48, MP3 4.49 Mb
RAIZHELL - PULL THE KRUSHER - Sped Up [Warner Music] / Key Abm, BPM 120, 1:30, MP3 3.77 Mb
ROOZTER, 3DI - Mi Canción [ECLIPSE RECORDS MX] / Key Am, BPM 130, 4:36, MP3 11.31 Mb
ROOZTER, 3DI - Mi Canción [ECLIPSE RECORDS MX] / Key Am, BPM 130, 4:08, MP3 10.16 Mb
RUMBS - Move [Mystery Freedom Records] / Key Em, BPM 128, 3:19, MP3 8.56 Mb
Rafael Cerato, Danny Losito - My Reality feat. Danny Losito [Systematic Recordings] / Key F#m, BPM 124, 7:48, MP3 19.18 Mb
Revelz, Benjamin Gedeon - Pizza (World Cup Champions Edition) [Revelz Music] / Key D, BPM 126, 2:42, MP3 6.78 Mb
Rey Espinosa, Aldo Parisii - Play [Survivor Records] / Key Gm, BPM 128, 4:15, MP3 10.55 Mb
Rich Venom - Pulsar (Alex Swank Remix) [Dreamride] / Key Dm, BPM 124, 6:19, MP3 15.73 Mb
Rimbano - Moksha [PIXELATE] / Key Dm, BPM 128, 6:15, MP3 15.13 Mb
Rimbano - Samsara [PIXELATE] / Key Bbm, BPM 130, 5:55, MP3 14.30 Mb
Rob Stillekens - Nothing Like That [LTF Records] / Key Bm, BPM 128, 6:01, MP3 14.53 Mb
Rob Stillekens - Want It Boy [LTF Records] / Key Abm, BPM 128, 6:31, MP3 15.72 Mb
Rodle - My Soul [EYRA Music] / Key Fm, BPM 100, 3:03, MP3 7.46 Mb
Ruben Moran, Akram Sedkaoui, Bioxial - Pachamama [Vocal Studio Records] / Key Cm, BPM 120, 6:42, MP3 16.50 Mb
Rudy Ripani - I Know [JAM] / Key Gm, BPM 138, 6:32, MP3 15.88 Mb
Rudy Ripani - Mind Active [JAM] / Key Gm, BPM 138, 6:07, MP3 14.88 Mb
Rudy Ripani - Noise in My Ear [JAM] / Key Gm, BPM 138, 6:07, MP3 14.87 Mb
Russ (ARG) - 3am [MSD Label Series] / Key C, BPM 135, 5:43, MP3 14.19 Mb
SKGN - Part Of Me [Protocol Lab] / Key Dm, BPM 125, 3:37, MP3 8.97 Mb
SKGN - Part Of Me [Protocol Lab] / Key Dm, BPM 125, 2:36, MP3 6.53 Mb
SKYFAiD - SKYFAiD (Next To You) [Ensis Discovery] / Key Fm, BPM 124, 2:36, MP3 6.41 Mb
SPEECHLIS - Mutha Earth [HitEngine Records] / Key Fm, BPM 123, 2:22, MP3 5.97 Mb
Saol - PIXELRUSH [Tribal Trap] / Key Ebm, BPM 126, 1:12, MP3 3.30 Mb
Sara Mozzillo - Mindset [DOA Black] / Key Fm, BPM 141, 5:30, MP3 13.49 Mb
Sara Mozzillo - Talking About [DOA Black] / Key Gm, BPM 142, 5:41, MP3 13.94 Mb
Seumas Norv - More And Pure (Afro Edit) [Urban GorillazY] / Key Am, BPM 122, 2:06, MP3 5.38 Mb
Silkysmuv - Fruitful Due [Urban GorillazY] / Key Am, BPM 124, 3:21, MP3 8.39 Mb
Sir Robin Junior - Koma [Clepsydra] / Key Cm, BPM 128, 7:38, MP3 18.45 Mb
Sixfeetplus - Aurora [Ideological] / Key Em, BPM 127, 6:01, MP3 14.79 Mb
Sixfeetplus - Nebula [Ideological] / Key Ebm, BPM 128, 5:49, MP3 14.30 Mb
Sixfeetplus - Quasar [Ideological] / Key Em, BPM 128, 5:28, MP3 13.47 Mb
Skebo - 6am [MSD Label Series] / Key Abm, BPM 93, 5:29, MP3 13.65 Mb
Skober - Infinity [Clepsydra] / Key Abm, BPM 127, 6:31, MP3 15.77 Mb
Solow - Pon De Replay (Extended) [Lithuania HQ] / Key Abm, BPM 140, 2:17, MP3 6.00 Mb
Stanislav Tolkachev - Goodbye Medellin [NECHTO Records] / Key F#m, BPM 135, 6:30, MP3 16.01 Mb
Stanislav Tolkachev - Middle Finger Variation [NECHTO Records] / Key F#m, BPM 135, 7:16, MP3 17.84 Mb
Stanislav Tolkachev - Now We Are Talking [NECHTO Records] / Key Abm, BPM 140, 5:30, MP3 13.61 Mb
Stanislav Tolkachev - Prononciation [NECHTO Records] / Key Am, BPM 135, 5:13, MP3 12.92 Mb
Stanislav Tolkachev - Unspoken Feelings [NECHTO Records] / Key Am, BPM 135, 4:43, MP3 11.73 Mb
Stefan Rives - Mystindia [Sofa Beats] / Key Fm, BPM 100, 7:55, MP3 19.57 Mb
Stefan Thomas - 4 A.m. [Motive Deep] / Key F#m, BPM 130, 5:46, MP3 13.92 Mb
Stefan Thomas - Drunk Piano Guy [Motive Deep] / Key Gm, BPM 128, 4:41, MP3 11.29 Mb
Stefan Thomas - Say Wanna Be [Motive Deep] / Key Am, BPM 125, 5:24, MP3 13.03 Mb
Stefan Thomas - You Know [Motive Deep] / Key Am, BPM 125, 6:09, MP3 14.82 Mb
Swga playa, PHONK UNITED DYNASTY - BOOSTERTHUG [Merphi Music Group] / Key Bbm, BPM 95, 1:34, MP3 4.13 Mb
Swga playa, PHONK UNITED DYNASTY - Knight V [Merphi Music Group] / Key Dm, BPM 116, 1:24, MP3 3.76 Mb
Swga playa, PHONK UNITED DYNASTY - Kuraga [Merphi Music Group] / Key Abm, BPM 97, 1:02, MP3 2.86 Mb
T.O.M. - FING,GLITCH,LIFEFORM...WHAT THE F... (Original mix) [AMU Recordings] / Key Bbm, BPM 146, 7:58, MP3 19.41 Mb
TIANBO - Now Or Never [Starix Production] / Key Am, BPM 124, 2:41, MP3 6.66 Mb
TOLOKA - In You (Original mix) [Natura Viva] / Key D, BPM 124, 7:46, MP3 19.22 Mb
TOLOKA - Insomnia (Original mix) [Natura Viva] / Key Gm, BPM 124, 6:19, MP3 15.70 Mb
TOLOKA - Moving Up (Esther Benoit remix) [Natura Viva] / Key G, BPM 127, 6:20, MP3 15.76 Mb
TOLOKA - Moving Up (Original mix) [Natura Viva] / Key Gm, BPM 124, 5:41, MP3 14.19 Mb
Talentless - Dancing Piano [ANDAGRES] / Key Bm, BPM 128, 2:57, MP3 7.45 Mb
Talentless - My Sea [ANDAGRES] / Key Cm, BPM 119, 2:33, MP3 6.49 Mb
Talentless - Sweet Groove [ANDAGRES] / Key Fm, BPM 123, 3:41, MP3 9.19 Mb
Talentless - Tranquil Drive [ANDAGRES] / Key Fm, BPM 122, 2:33, MP3 6.49 Mb
Tali Freaks, Flame - Naked in the Rain feat. Flame (Indy Lopez Club Instrumental Remix) [She's Super Deep] / Key Cm, BPM 118, 5:18, MP3 12.97 Mb
Tali Freaks, Flame - Naked in the Rain feat. Flame (Indy Lopez Club Remix) [She's Super Deep] / Key Cm, BPM 118, 5:18, MP3 12.97 Mb
Tali Freaks, Flame - Naked in the Rain feat. Flame (Indy Lopez Short Remix) [She's Super Deep] / Key Cm, BPM 118, 3:02, MP3 7.55 Mb
Teo Mandrelli, Tristan Carmichael - Promises [Nocolors] / Key Bb, BPM 120, 5:11, MP3 12.70 Mb
Teo Mandrelli, Tristan Carmichael - Promises [Nocolors] / Key Bb, BPM 120, 3:35, MP3 8.89 Mb
The High - oh ah [Future] / Key Fm, BPM 150, 2:04, MP3 5.56 Mb
Tom & Jame - My Pulse [Be Yourself Music] / Key Ebm, BPM 128, 5:31, MP3 13.38 Mb
Tommy Libera - Rave Guy (Eins.Zwo.Drei Remix) [Clepsydra] / Key Gm, BPM 130, 5:56, MP3 14.37 Mb
Tony H, Breauxx - Versatility [Ooof!] / Key Bm, BPM 128, 5:34, MP3 13.75 Mb
Tranescu Stefan - People [Urban GorillazY] / Key Am, BPM 126, 3:11, MP3 7.96 Mb
Trinidadian Deep - Moments Of Sounds (Drums Tool) [ENSOULED] / Key Ebm, BPM 124, 6:12, MP3 15.03 Mb
Trinidadian Deep - Moments Of Sounds [ENSOULED] / Key Abm, BPM 124, 6:12, MP3 15.03 Mb
Trivecta, Frank Walker - Good in Goodbye [Palm Tree Records] / Key Abm, BPM 90, 3:00, MP3 7.36 Mb
Vittorio Brena, Beau Soleil - On The Dancefloor [Groovebom Records] / Key F#m, BPM 124, 6:00, MP3 14.55 Mb
Voser - My Tribe [Mylod Music] / Key F#m, BPM 122, 7:13, MP3 17.60 Mb
WBN - Only U [MNTN Records] / Key F#m, BPM 128, 3:38, MP3 9.18 Mb
WBN - Only U [MNTN Records] / Key F#m, BPM 128, 2:45, MP3 7.06 Mb
Who Am I, Tammy Andre - Other Side [Warner Music] / Key Cm, BPM 124, 2:58, MP3 7.54 Mb
Xpilot - My Face [Soave Dusk] / Key Fm, BPM 128, 3:30, MP3 8.77 Mb
Xpilot - My Face [Soave Dusk] / Key Fm, BPM 128, 2:35, MP3 6.56 Mb
YACO DJ - Not Human [Mothership Records] / Key F#m, BPM 124, 7:07, MP3 17.26 Mb
Zadeh - Payam [Psssh Records] / Key Ebm, BPM 140, 4:29, MP3 10.93 Mb
Zurra - Pow! [High Definition] / Key Bbm, BPM 129, 5:42, MP3 13.88 Mb
Zurra - Pow! [High Definition] / Key Bbm, BPM 129, 2:46, MP3 6.81 Mb
feva. - Miracle [Future House Cloud (C)] / Key Dbm, BPM 126, 4:04, MP3 10.00 Mb
ifakzi, PHONK UNITED DYNASTY, i wxnt to slxxp - DREAMS [Merphi Music Group] / Key Am, BPM 95, 2:14, MP3 5.74 Mb
İlk Zamanlar - Aaaauuuuuuuuu [DIKTATOR CLUB] / Key Fm, BPM 105, 4:09, MP3 10.31 Mb
İlk Zamanlar - Bin Dünya [DIKTATOR CLUB] / Key Am, BPM 120, 1:36, MP3 4.18 Mb
İlk Zamanlar - Hata [DIKTATOR CLUB] / Key Am, BPM 124, 2:22, MP3 6.03 Mb
İlk Zamanlar - Lullaby [DIKTATOR CLUB] / Key C, BPM 85, 2:38, MP3 6.67 Mb
İlk Zamanlar - Pump and Drive [DIKTATOR CLUB] / Key G, BPM 110, 2:44, MP3 6.89 Mb
İlk Zamanlar - Tünel [DIKTATOR CLUB] / Key Ebm, BPM 90, 1:36, MP3 4.18 Mb
İlk Zamanlar - Walk with the Dark [DIKTATOR CLUB] / Key E, BPM 111, 3:36, MP3 8.98 Mb
İlk Zamanlar - When Time [DIKTATOR CLUB] / Key Em, BPM 120, 2:49, MP3 7.10 Mb
İlk Zamanlar - Work [DIKTATOR CLUB] / Key Cm, BPM 120, 3:46, MP3 9.38 Mb
İlk Zamanlar, Mehmet Çevik - Bozkırkurdu [DIKTATOR CLUB] / Key C, BPM 90, 6:43, MP3 16.45 Mb
İlk Zamanlar, Oktay Aynur, Onur Gül - A Sunny Day in Cosmos [DIKTATOR CLUB] / Key Bm, BPM 141, 3:36, MP3 8.99 Mb
İlk Zamanlar, Sinan Logie - Daughter of Faults [DIKTATOR CLUB] / Key Em, BPM 140, 5:22, MP3 13.23 Mb
İlk Zamanlar, Utku Özkan - Fetüs [DIKTATOR CLUB] / Key Cm, BPM 160, 5:15, MP3 12.93 Mb
​
DOWNLOAD - progonlymusic com

The Beginner's Guide to Modern NXT
Originally posted by u/odanobunaga24 on squaredcircle
NXT has undergone a pretty sweeping shift recently, with the top stars of the brand (and even some midcard stars) having made the jump to the main roster. NXT has now switched to a more character-building mode, which means now is a great time to jump into the developmental brand and learn from fresh.
NXT'S STYLE
First up, NXT 2.0 has been dead for a WHILE now, but in the last calendar year NXT has strongly stripped away the odd booking that permeated the colour era. White and Gold NXT is very firmly a developmental brand, so it’s worth going into it knowing that the stars on the show are not finished products. Fans of the show are much more forgiving to its stars and adopt a much stronger “wait and see” attitude to that of fans of the main roster. The intimate setting of NXT also hugely helps with crowd interaction, and fans will have some unique crowd chants for stars very early on. The entire atmosphere has a very “college” feel, tends to be more lighthearted and seems much more specifically catered towards young adults. With Ilja Dragunov and Carmelo Hayes at the helm, NXT White and Gold had the best year in NXT’s history, and with those two stars moving up, NXT has changed drastically.
NXT'S TV AND PLE FORMATS
NXT actually has 2 shows; NXT and NXT Lvl Up. Both shows are filmed in the Performance Centre every week, fostering a specific fanbase for the brand in the same way that a territory like ECW did. Lvl Up, formerly 205 Live, is basically developmental for the developmental, with lowercard and midcard talents that may not otherwise get large amounts of ring time being afforded a spotlight. Lvl Up stories do not usually translate over to NXT proper.
NXT’s specials format is split between 2 week TV events and PLEs, alternating between the two every month. Almost all these events use old PLE names that were used in WWE, WCW or ECW but have been since discontinued by WWE’s main roster, such as Battleground, The Great American Bash, Heatwave, Vengeance Day, etc. Stand and Deliver is NXT’s Wrestlemania, and takes place on Mania Saturday Morning.
Last year’s event list was:

• Spring Breakin’ (Special)
  
• Battleground (PLE)
  
• Gold Rush (Special)
  
• The Great American Bash (PLE)
  
• Heatwave (Special)
  
• No Mercy (PLE)
  
• Halloween Havoc (Special)
  
• Deadline (PLE)
  
• New Year’s Evil (Special)
  
• Vengeance Day (PLE)
  
• Roadblock (Special)
  
• Stand And Deliver (PLE)
  

NXT'S ACCOLADES
NXT, just like the main roster, has its own special prizes to be won. The biggest of these are the Breakout Tournaments, the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic, and the Iron Survivor Match.

• The Breakout Tournaments are 2 tournaments, one male and one female, held between 8 rookies each, all of whom have only been on NXT TV for less than a year. The winners of these tournaments receive a contract that is basically NXT’s Money in the Bank; they can get a title shot for a championship of their choosing at any time. The main difference is that Tag Championships are also on the table, and midcard belts are frequently selected for cash-ins.
  
• The Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic is a tag team tournament, and the rules change ALL the time, but presently, 8 male teams go into this single elimination tournament, and if the winners are not already the NXT Tag Team Champions, they receive a shot at the championships at Vengeance Day (January).
  
• The Iron Survivor match happens at the Deadline PLE (December) every year and is an absolutely electric match type. 5 superstars compete, and 2 start in the ring, with a new one entering every 5 minutes until all are in the ring. The time limit is 25 minutes and whoever scores the most falls will win the match. There’s an added twist however; if you give up a fall, be it through pinfall or submission, you are sent into a penalty box and are unable to pick up any falls for 90 seconds. The winner receives a championship match at the TV special New Year’s Evil.
  

NXT'S AUTHORITY
Ava is the dominant onscreen authority figure of NXT. She was initially part of a cult in NXT led by Joe Gacy (I’ll get to that), but after its end, Ava slowly found herself getting power before being officially given the reins to the brand by William Regal (former NXT GM) and Shawn Michaels (effectively the NXT Commissioner). Ava is now the youngest GM in the brand’s history and while her relationship to her father (The Rock) is acknowledged much more rarely on screen than it as during her cult days, she is still an on-screen Anoai. Ava provides a strong but fair guiding arm to the rowdiness of NXT.
Shawn Michaels and William Regal are the two other heads of NXT, but neither have any sort of strong on screen presence anymore. They are still always options to show up if things get crazier than usual.
NXT'S CHAMPIONS AND CHAMPIONSHIPS
NXT has 5 major championships with a 6th on the way very soon.

• The NXT Championship
  
• The NXT Women’s Championship
  
• The NXT Tag Team Championship
  
• The NXT North American Championship
  
• The NXT Heritage Cup Championship
  
• The soon to be created NXT Women’s North American Championship
  

The current NXT Champion is Trick Williams. Trick Williams’ ascendancy has been the story of NXT in the last year, with it culminating with back to back wins over Carmelo Hayes and Ilja Dragunov to claim the biggest prize in developmental. “Whoop that Trick” chants are his calling card, and no one else in NXT is as popular. Trick’s mic work is perfect, but his ring work needs some polish. Nevertheless, Trick has been tasked with leading the brand into the new era, and he’s doing it, one pearly white smile at a time.

Crowd Reaction: Hugely Positive

The current NXT Women’s Champion is Roxanne Perez. Perez is The Prodigy of NXT, and while she began as a wholesome happy-to-be-here babyface, a series of unfortunate events involving her losing the Women’s Championship and failing to regain it led to a heel turn and a consistent string of solid matches en route to recapturing the belt from Lyra Valkyria. Now champion again, Roxanne has become convinced Ava has some kind of issue with her and is obsessed with using the NXT Women’s Championship to improve her star power. Roxanne is a fantastic in-ring competitor and has basically only remained in NXT to flesh out her character work. Fans have cooled a little on her in recent times, but she’s still phenomenal in my eyes.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

The current NXT North American Champion is Oba Femi. Oba Femi is a Nigerian athlete who is the first WWE superstar to enter the company through its new NIL program and win a championship. Oba Femi is backed by destiny and speaks with all the gravitas of an ancient king or warrior. A dominant powerhouse, Oba has consistently impressed for someone less than a year into their career. The crowd has responded in kind by adding war cries to go along with his promos, making him seem even cooler. You’d be forgiven if you forgot he was a heel when watching him.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

The current NXT Heritage Cup Champion is Tony D'Angelo. Tony is the Don of NXT, a strange nickname for someone who runs a very respectable restaurant and dry cleaning franchising business. Tony is backed by the Family, all of whom are completely loyal to him. Tony D’Angelo also fully returns that loyalty by taking care of his own. Tony D’Angelo’s outside ventures have also given him a sizeable cash flow, which he makes use of by doing things like donating to people and kidnapping his competition in the wrestling business, and JUST the wrestling business. Tony D’Angelo is considered a highlight of NXT whenever he and the Family are on screen.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

The current NXT Tag Team Champions are Axiom and Nathan Frazer. Axiom is a hyper-intelligent superhero gimmick who seems fundamentally unable to comprehend that no one can see the expressions on his face. Nathan Frazer is the combination of John Oliver and Wally West’s Flash, having his own talk show segment called Hard Hitting Home Truths where he basically calls people out for being stupid. Frazer often lets his mouth get him in a LOT of trouble. Together, the two have created a team which is basically “intelligent and likeable speedforce users” and their recent championship win following Stand and Deliver has given them a lot of momentum.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

NXT'S MAIN FACTIONS

• THE FAMILY

As previously mentioned, Tony D'Angelo is supported by The Family.
Channing 'Stacks' Lorenzo is The Underboss, Tony’s second-in-command, and is a solid competitor in his own right. He’s a former Tag Team Champ alongside Tony.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Adriana Rizzo is a feminine touch to the group and a somewhat recent addition. She handles the business side of affairs for the Family and isn’t half bad in the ring, though of late she’s lacked the opportunity to show it.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Luca Crusifino is the Family Consigliere, its newest addition and has a legal background to go with his solid ring skill. Wrestling lawyers are always fun and the fans have responded in kind to the lad.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

• CHASE U

NXT may be the college show, but it also has a literal college it is affiliated with on the show, that being Chase University. The university has its own section in the seats and Chase U classes are often used to give exposition to big stipulation matches or small storyline beats. There’s 4 people part of Chase U:
Andre Chase is the dean of Chase U, a gambling addict, and one of the most wholesome characters on the show. He loves his University, his students, and his swearing. Dude swears SO MUCH. Endlessly funny, Chase is perfect in NXT.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Duke Hudson is the MVP of Chase U, a title he convinced everyone he earned after his impressive wins for the University. Duke towers over most of NXT (he’s 6’5”) and has a build to match, and as such often gets opportunities for titles more so than the others in Chase U. An oddly egotistical man, Duke legitimately loves the institution.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Thea Hail is the firecracker of NXT and by far its youngest member, having legitimately not even graduated high school when she joined WWE. She’s a natural talent and has been the storyline focus of Chase U recently with a character arc of wanting to grow up, only to learn that growing up is accepting herself for herself. The heart of the group, Thea’s aggressive cheerleader gimmick has landed her the spot of the most over woman in NXT.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Riley Osborne is the newest member of Chase U, a high flying Brit with a down-to-earth personality thankful for the opportunities Chase U gives him. A potential love story is blossoming between him and Thea, and Riley has become a neat addition to the Chase U dynamic.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

• META FOUR

You remember how Noam Dar had a thing with Alicia Fox back when 205 Live was a thing? The NXT Writing Staff doubled down on that and gave Noam Dar the trait of “loves black people”, stocking his personal faction up with black prospects. Meta Four is a faction of 4 goofy ass people who have established a creed of being the perfect kind of annoying to make you like them.
Noam Dar is the faction leader and easily the best wrestler of the 4. His Scottish accent, body hair and dorky moon-related bullshit have given him a neat niche as the jackass who’s just about good enough to back up his words, but not SO good that he can beat you clean. The most prominent and prolific Heritage Cup Champion of all time, Dar has since moved up the card and is presently challenging for the NXT Championship, which makes things slightly more complicated for a certain member of his faction.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Oro Mensah is the midcard man in the faction. A Ghanaian dude who loves to party, Oro Mensah didn't connect as a babyface but found his footing as a heel playing second fiddle to his “brother” Noam Dar. Mensah is loyal, a good friend, and easily the least annoying of the faction.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Lash Legend is the Women’s Ace of this faction. She towers over the entire division and while she’s very athletic, she’s toned down her style to wrestle a little closer to classic Kane and it’s done wonders for her perception. Lash is LOUD but she seems to mostly care about her faction. She’s currently dating Trick Williams in real-life, and that relationship seems to be making the jump to the screen, so she’s doing great character work right now too.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Jakara Jackson is Lash’s best friend and the most inexperienced member of the group. Injuries have mostly made her into a manager, but she’s had a handful of matches under her belt and is seemingly willing to put in the work to get better. She’s got a decent upside and her association with Meta Four has helped her crowd reaction.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

• GALLUS

3 rough Scottish bastards who like pints and pounding the shit out of other people. Gallus are easily the biggest heel faction on NXT right now, and have just returned after an absence from TV to help The Rock train for Wrestlemania. Expect them to make a big impact on the show’s main event scene until more stars are pushed to the top. They’re not a super over group, but they’re very talented nonetheless.
Joe Coffey is the group’s de facto leader, the singles guy, and the angriest one of the 3. He’s the guy who keeps the boys on top, ensuring they’re all working hard for the benefit of the group. He’s the most no-nonsense.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Mark Coffey is the brother of Joe and one of the tag guys. Yes, it’s a little weird that the brothers aren’t the tag guys but Joe is better in singles and Mark and his mate Wolfgang are a fantastic team so it works. Mark is notably more chill than the other two but in the same way that a hammerhead shark is more chill than a great white.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

Wolfgang is the other tag guy and the powerhouse of this trio of powerhouses. Wolfgang is also pretty chill and enjoys any type of fight, from darts to pool, but it’s clear the best fights are between the ropes. Expect Gallus to try and go after the Tag Titles sooner rather than later.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

• NO QUARTER CATCH CREW

Unlike Gallus, who are basically a suplex bargain sale, the NQCC specifically specialise in amateur and catch wrestling. The NQCC have their own rule called the Catch Clause, whereby if they are scheduled for a match where they are not all involved, any member(s) of the group may choose to take part and we only find out who right before the bell rings. They hover mostly around the Heritage Cup scene.
Charlie Dempsey is the son of William Regal, though they only ever wink wink acknowledge it despite the two having the exact same face. Dempsey is a hard bastard who trains almost religiously and does not take kindly to people disrespecting the mat. While good facial expressions will get you far, Dempsey has a bit of a way to go before he’s at his father’s level.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Damon Kemp is the brother of Gable Steveson, and if that sours you on him, rethink your stance. Kemp is LEAGUES better than his brother and has no murky record to go along with it. A former Diamond Mine member (of which the Creed Brothers and Ivy Nile were part), Kemp has a somewhat barebones character and yet still does a decent job of being a dick.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Myles Borne is the rookie of the faction and currently the weakest member. He has a strong lisp, which is actually helping him along. While he started out with an abusive mentomanatee relationship with former leader Drew Gulak, Borne has since received much more freedom. Just gotta show us what you can do, bud.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

• OTM

Out Tha Mud is the full name of this faction, and their gimmick is essentially that of a group of GTA characters; low income backgrounds who have moved up in the world thanks to their athletic prowess but still retaining the personality traits gifted to them by their rough upbringings. Fans of kicking ass, gambling you out of your money, and kicking ass again, these guys have a ton of upside.
Lucien Price and Bronco Nima are the tag team of this group. If you can’t yet remember which of the two is which, Lucien Price has a bit of a rat face, so remember that “Price likes Mice.” Both are powerhouses, but Lucien is more of a jackal with great face expressions, while Bronco has more power and a certain cool factor to him. The duo have gained solid steam recently.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Jaida Parker is a new recruit to NXT, having competed in its most recent Breakout Tournament. Jaida is a powerhouse just as much as the boys are, and also is effortlessly pretty. More than happy to break a nail off while she’s beating you, Parker has gotten over in NXT MUCH faster than her cohorts.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

• MALIK BLADE, EDRIS ENOFE AND BRINLEY REECE

The least faction-y faction and more so a loose alliance between a tag team and a girl who wants to help them, this trio is currently seen as jobbers. They’re quite funny in their own ways, and have been starting to run an angle where they’ve been cursed with bad luck, which has been getting them more screentime and personality.
Malik Blade and Edris Enofe have been around NXT for a while now, and never truly been given anything to sink their teeth into. They’re high-flyers, and they’re easy to tell apart; Blade has the babyfaciest of baby faces, and Enofe has dyed hair and wears a crown. Fun dudes who need more.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Brinley Reece is a new add to the roster and basically her gimmick is ‘Bo Dallas, but she’s able to show other emotions every now and then’. A relentlessly positive and upbeat girl who can get angry if disrespected, Reece takes her losses in stride and always learns from the good things she did while improving for the next opportunity, a personality that shines next to the more downtrodden jobbers of Blade and Enofe.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

THE MENS DIVISION
Wes Lee is the biggest star NXT has not named Trick Williams. A recent injury robbed almost all the feeling in his legs only for him to make a miraculously quick recovery and immediately reinsert himself into the NA Title picture. Wes is forever linked to this championship; he had the most defences and longest reign with his single run with the title and etched his name into history as the greatest North American Champion of all time. Am endlessly likeable hard worker with a heart of gold and a a vicious aerial offence, Wes will be a fixture of NXT for a while yet.

Crowd Reaction: Hugely Positive

Lexis King is the asshole that even the OTHER assholes look at and say “he’s a bit much for me”. Arrogance, blind luck, sleaziness, and terrible beards are the ingredients that make up this fuckhead cocktail, and his character work is years ahead of his AEW work as Brian Pillman Jr. Fun to watch and fun to hate.

Crowd Reaction: Hugely Positive

Josh Briggs is so god damn good. A cowboy to his soul, Briggs has slowly evolved from his big brother character alongside former stablemate Brooks Jensen into an APA JBL-tinged roughhouser with a mean streak. A tweener in NXT, Briggs has been hunting the North American Title for a while and is crushing the chase.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Je'Von Evans is really new to NXT TV but you’d be forgiven for thinking he’d been around for half a decade with how quickly the fans took to him. The Young OG is infectiously fun and loves getting bouncy in his matches. A future star in the making.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Ridge Holland came down from the main roster to find redemption after his string of injuries he caused. NXT turned this into a storyline whereby Ridge cannot seem to shake off his terrible luck with injuring people as well as his own personal bad temper. It was coldly received at first but it’s slowly been getting better as the string of mishaps has grown more comedic even if they’re still resulting in injuries. Ridge’s struggle against his own violent tendencies is one of the few storylines where the fans are actively hoping the good guy loses, but it’s too early to tell where Ridge will end up.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

Shawn Spears has carried his character work from AEW over to NXT and has become this kind of Devil’s Advocate Sean O’Haire character where he wants people to give into their darkest impulses. A solid hand in the ring who has become a creepy midcard presence, Spears is intriguing to say the least.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Brooks Jensen is a lost soul. Formerly in a faction with Josh Briggs and Fallon Henley, the two were clearly hungry for singles gold, leading to the faction's dissolution. Jensen has since been drifting, unsure of what to do with himself. This may lead to a reinvention, so keep an eye out for his return. Brooks has a lot of potential. Also, he used to date Kiana James!

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Joe Gacy is the former cult leader of Schism (remember how Ava was in a cult?) who went insane and became an avatar of chaos. A crazy gremlin who can’t quite comprehend what his place in NXT is, Gacy’s run in NXT has actually won him a lot of fans, especially after a stellar match with Dijak.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Eddy Thorpe is formerly known as NJPW’s Karl Fredricks, but in NXT he’s incorporated a strong amount of his Native American heritage into his persona. NXT fans seem to have not quite taken to the guy for some reason (I think because his big feud involved Dijak and everyone in NXT fuckin loved Dijak), but Thorpe is a great in-ring talent with a ton of upside and a unique character. Expect his return to NXT sometime soon as Thorpe has been off with an injury that has now recuperated.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

Mr Stone is a manager, yes, but he’s jacked beyond comprehension and has had more matches than usual as of late. Attached to Von Wagner for a while prior to Wagner’s release, Mr Stone has recently acquired a new client. Stone is able to do everything; comedy, serious, graps, high-flying, the only thing he can’t do is win a match, and that’s okay!

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Dante Chen is Mr Stone’s new client, and you might recognise him from when he got merked by Bron Breakker on Smackdown. Chen has a poor win-loss record, but has a great look and has found a way to connect with the crowd with almost no promo time, and with his new partnership with Mr Stone, Dante might be on an upward trajectory!

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Javier Bernal, also known as Big Body Javi, is easily the lowest rung in the entirety of NXT’s men’s division. A jobber with an abysmal record and a surprising skill at merchandising his own name, Javi is good for getting a quick laugh before immediately eating shit.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Hank N Tank are a team comprised of Hank Walker and Tank Ledger. Hank is a former security guard turned wrestler after impressing management, and Tank is his best friend who found common ground with him through their mutual desire to prove themselves. The duo are low on the pecking order but Tank’s more manic energy combined with Hank’s decent connection to the crowd let’s the pair cover each other’s weaknesses.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

Tyriek and Tyson (Igwe and Dupont, respectively) are a very new tag team. So far they have a chip on their shoulder and a love for Timbs. Too early to tell how good they are or will become.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

THE WOMEN'S DIVISION
Meiko Satomura is WWE’s original final boss, having taken that moniker while in NXT UK. Satomura is a legend of the Joshi scene and within NXT she’s basically face Brock Lesnar; a part-timer who will immediately challenge for the top prize when she rocks up. Expect her to push any and every woman to their limit… when she feels like rocking up.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Sol Ruca has rapidly improved since her return from injury, and after kicking Blair Davenport out of NXT, Sol seems like the safest bet to become the new NXT Women’s North American Championship. Her finisher is a flip cutter that might genuinely give Randy Orion’s RKO a run for its money with how outta nowhere she can make it hit from.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Tatum Paxley recently got to sink her teeth into a proper story and made the absolute most of it, getting insanely over through her clever use of the lesbian-to-batshit-insane pipeline that most women use at some point. A stalker character who gives a level of grounded spooks to the proceedings of NXT, Paxley is really good at making you forget she can do a crisp 450 Splash right up until she does it.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Fallon Henley has the gimmick of a bartender and stablehand and made her mark in NXT as a solid midcard hand who was busy being a mother hen to the NXT locker room. The hen however has been executed with Henley’s recent heel turn and she’s looking out for herself first and foremost now. The former Tesha Price is fantastic in the ring, although she needs to tone down the screaming a scooch.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Kelani Jordan is a natural babyface and a highly athletic talent; a former gymnast background colours her style and shes already got a solid grasp of character work for a young talent. Expect her to rise through the ranks fast.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Wendy Choo is the perfect kind of silly gimmick for NXT; a narcoleptic sleepover obsessed girl who lives for fun. A banger theme and a shockingly good wrestling ability should hopefully help Wendy overcome her recent knee troubles and get back to being a solid lower card to midcard face.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Lola Vice is awesome for so many reasons, none of which make any sense next to each other. Vice, more than literally any other women’s wrestler I’ve ever seen, LOVES shaking her ass. Like, it’s her thing; she will win a match with her impressive martial arts skills, and then, with her jaw in pain from the fight, she will shake her ass over her opponent, which is hysterical to me and my brother. Fans like her, and Lola Vice makes it so that any reason you like her is a good reason.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Karmen Petrovic is a love letter to Kill Bill, and after Xia Ali’s release the company was due a new character wielding a weapon that can literally kill people. Katana in hand and guidance from Natalya in mind, KarmeNXT is a matter of when, not if. Also, she’s unfathomably attractive. How fucking DARE someone be that attractive while I’m slumming it.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Gigi Dolin is the alt girl of NXT. Positioned as the face following the breakup of Toxic Attraction and Jacy Jayne’s betrayal, Gigi has a depressing past and seeks to paint her pain away on the ring canvas. Gigi has struggled to make a connection with the crowd in recent months, but her most recent storyline with receiving a makeover might be the perfect hook.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Arianna Grace is the daughter of Santino Marella, and the comedy apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Grace is a pageant queen who wants NXT to be civilised and has an aversion to fighting, and yes, it’s exactly as wonderful as it sounds. She recently won a match to makeover Gigi, and is getting incredibly popular as a result of these heightened gimmicky segments.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Wren Sinclair is a newish addition to NXT, and while she’s likeable, she hasn’t got a distinct gimmick nor has she shown much of her personality. Formerly Madi Wrenkowski in NWA, Sinclair has potential.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

Stevie Turner is basically a Twitch Streamer who’s content is watching people on NXT fail. Turner has made scant few appearances on NXT proper, which is weird as hell, since she’s definitely ready for the show. She might show up to bolster the undercard soon, but she’s virtually nonexistent (do you get it? Virtually? Do you get it?)

Crowd Reaction: N/A

Izzi Dame is a business associate of Kiama James and seems poised to do something bigger than expected on NXT TV, but she’s yet to establish a character or do any major story work. Seems like a WIP but has an upside as a possible powerhouse.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

Jazmyn Nyx is a rookie and Jacy Jayne’s best friend. Nyx is a former soccer player and is supremely athletic, with an incredible Pele kick and a graceful kip up. With Jacy out injured, Nyx has had more of an opportunity to do character work of late and has scored goal after goal.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Carlee Bright is the newest member of NXT’s women’s division and basically has the happy-go-lucky-o-meter turned up to 14. Her most recent outing wasn’t half bad, so she could be something in the future.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

THE INJURED LIST
Cora Jade is easily the biggest injured star they have. Jade is Roxanne’s ex-tag partner and had a skater girl gimmick before turning heel and trading boards in for kendo sticks. Cora, along with Roxanne, are considered AJ Lee’s children due to how much she inspired them. If AJ Lee ever returns, it’ll be because of Cora Jade.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Jacy Jayne has the gimmick of toxic sorority sister and she nails every single second of it. Currently out after Thea Hail broke her nose by accident, Jacy is a toxic treat every time she’s on screen. She revels in her evil and makes no apology for it. Expect her to be a major player in the division once again when she’s back.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Nikkita Lyons might be unpopular politically online (I personally hate her for being younger than me) but she’s most assuredly well-liked within NXT. A taekwondo black belt, model and rapper (all of that is true), Nikkita channels her sex appeal into every aspect of her character. It’s clear that WWE had high hopes for her, but whether her body holds up after her knee injury is another question.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Dani Palmer is currently recovering from double hip surgery, but her high flying is really impressive and her babyface fire is fairly solid. She needs more of a character but that comes with TV time.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

THE BROADCAST TEAM
**
NXT of course has its own broadcast team, all with their own flavours.

• The commentary team is Vic Joseph on play-by-play and Booker T on colour. Vic Joseph reins in Booker T's more insane commentary and skillfully carries the broadcasting duties with a crystal clear narrative, and he's slowly become one of the best commentators in WWE.
  
• Mike Rome has been moved back down to NXT for ring announcing, with Alicia Taylor moving up to replace him on Smackdown. Rome has a proven track record as an announcer.
  
• Kelly Kincaid and Sarah Schreiber are the backstage interviewers and are both quite enjoyable on-screen. Sarah also doubles as the ring announcer for Lvl Up.
  
• Blake Howard is the commentator for NXT Lvl Up and also commentates Main Event for the main roster. On Lvl Up he is joined by Byron Saxton.
  

And that should be absolutely everything you need to know about NXT for its current era! If I missed anything, let me know!

WrestleMania
Date: March 31st
Attendance: 19,121
Stadium: Madison Square Garden, Manhattan, New York
Match Card:
WWF Intercontinental Championship
Greg Valentine w/Jimmy Hart vs. Tito Santana
(Santana defeats Valentine, becoming the new Intercontinental Champion and winning the first match in Wrestlemania history.)
Ricky Steamboat vs. Matt Borne
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper vs. "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka
WWF Tag Team Championship
The U.S. Express (Mike Rotundo & Barry Windham) vs. Nikolai Volkoff & The Iron Sheik
Bruno Sammartino vs. King Kong Bundy
(A true heavyweight Dream Match, Sammartino vs. Bundy, could easily be the Main Event of the night, but with Bruno in the twilight of his career that could no longer be the case. 10-minute exhibition match that ends with Sammartino making King Kong submit with a powerful "Bearhug" taking the victory.)
Body Slam Match - If André loses he will have to retire or if John loses he will have to pay 15,000 dollars to André
André the Giant vs. Big John Studd w/Bobby Heenan
WWF Women's Championship
Leilani Kai w/The Fabulous Moolah vs. Wendi Richter w/Cyndi Lauper
(Wendi regaining the title, in celebration Cyndi sings "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" before being interrupted by a furious Leilani Kai & Fabulous Moolah.)
David Sammartino vs. Brutus Beefcake w/Johnny Valiant
(I think that Bruno would have asked as a requirement to participate in the event that his son would fight in a match, so Sammartino's son defeats Beefcake in less than 5 minutes. Even with this victory I wouldn't have gone far, lol.)
WWF Championship - Muhammad Ali as Special Guest Referee
Hulk Hogan w/Mr. T vs. Paul Orndorff w/Cowboy Bob Orton
(The Hulkster defends the WWF championship against the malevolent Mr. Wonderful, who is accompanied by the Cowboy Bob Orton, while Hogan will have the help of Mr. T. Main Event full of emotions and near falls with the public full, after Almost 15 minutes of non-stop action, Hogan finishes the match by performing an "Atomic Leg Drop" on Orndorff, retaining the championship, celebrating with Mr. T and his brothers, thus ending Wrestlemania.)
Notes:
(The original screwed with The Spider Lady never happened, The Fabulous Moolah is fired from the company and never appears or is mentioned again.)
(Volkoff & Sheik loses the titles against the Dream Team in the middle of the year.)
King of the Ring '85
Date: July 8th
Attendance: 23,000
Stadium: Sullivan Stadium, Foxborough, Massachusetts
KOTR 1st Round
The Magnificent Muraco vs. Junkyard Dog
Les Thornton vs. Steve Lombardi
Paul Orndorff vs. Bob Orton Jr.
Pedro Morales vs. Ivan Putski
Tito Santana vs. Jim Brunzell
Terry Funk vs. The Spoiler
Ricky Steamboat vs. Greg Valentine w/Jimmy Hart
The Iron Sheik vs. B. Brian Blair
KOTR 2nd Round
The Magnificent Muraco vs. Les Thornton
Paul Orndorff vs. Pedro Morales
Tito Santana vs. Terry Funk
Ricky Steamboat vs. The Iron Sheik
KOTR 3rd Round
The Magnificent Muraco vs. Pedro Morales
Terry Funk vs. The Iron Sheik
WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan vs. Nikolai Volkoff
KOTR Final Round
Pedro Morales vs. The Iron Sheik
(A brutal and bloody final between two heavyweights, with the Sheik making the former world champion surrender, becoming the first King of the Ring, being known as The Iron King.)
Notes:
(The Wrestling Classic is not a PPV, only a Live Show.)
(Tito Santana drops the Intercontinental title to Randy Savage in late 1985.)
Wrestlemania II
Date: April 7th
Attendance: 14,500
Stadium: Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Ricky Steamboat vs. Bret Hart w/Jimmy Hart
WWF Women’s Championship
Wendi Richter w/Cyndi Lauper vs. Velvet McIntyre
Jake Roberts vs. Tito Santana
WWF vs. NFL – 20-Man Battle Royal Match
André the Giant wins
Other Participants: Bruno Sammartino, The Iron Sheik, Pedro Morales, Big John Studd, Magnificent Muraco, Jim Neidhart, George Steele, Tony Atlas, Haku, Hillbilly Jim, Junkyard Dog, Corporal Kirchner, Harvey Martin, Ernie Holmes, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, William Perry & Jim Covert.
WWF Tag Team Championship
The Dream Team (Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake) w/Johnny Valiant vs. The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid) w/Ozzy Osbourne & Lou Albano
Steel Cage Match
Jimmy Snuka vs. Nikolai Volkoff
(Snuka gets the win after making a great leap from the top of the cage.)
WWF Intercontinental Championship
Randy Savage w/Miss Elizabeth vs. Paul Orndorff
The Funk Brothers (Terry & Hoss Funk) w/Jimmy Hart vs. The Killer Bees (Brian Blair & Jim Brunzell)
WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan vs. Roddy Piper
(Rowdy challenges the federation champion to a match at Wrestlemania where his title and honor will be on the line, constantly provoking and disparaging the United States, the typical America vs. the world story. In a thrilling match that would surely have caused much conflict backstage, Hogan retains over Roddy, and once again raises the American flag to the world, thus ending Wrestlemania.)
King of the Ring '86
Date: September 4th
Attendance: 12,000
Stadium: Rosemont Horizon, Rosemont, Illinois
KOTR 1st Round
The Iron Sheik vs. Billy Jack Haynes
Harley Race vs. Mr. X
André the Giant w/Bobby Heenan vs. George Steele
Roddy Piper vs. The Magnificent Muraco Double DQ
Nikolai Volkoff vs. Dan Spivey
Pedro Morales vs. Rudy Diamond
Paul Orndorff vs. Junkyard Dog
Bruno Sammartino vs. Mike Rotunda
KOTR 2nd Round
The Iron Sheik vs. Harley Race
Nikolai Volkoff vs. Pedro Morales
Paul Orndorff vs. Bruno Sammartino
KOTR 3rd Round
The Iron Sheik vs. André the Giant w/Bobby Heenan
Pedro Morales vs. Bruno Sammartino
WWF Tag Team Championship - Steel Cage Match
The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid) vs. The Dream Team (Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake) w/Johnny Valiant
KOTR Final Round
André the Giant w/Bobby Heenan vs. Bruno Sammartino
(A great dream match between two immovable forces, André manages to break the great Bruno and get the victory, becoming the new King of the Ring.)
Wrestlemania III
Date: March 29th
Attendance: 93,173
Stadium: Pontiac Silverdome, Pontiac, Michigan
WWF Tag Team Championship
The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid) vs. The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart) w/Jimmy Hart
King Kong Bundy vs. Hillbilly Jim
Harley Race vs. Jimmy Snuka
WWF Women’s Championship
Wendi Richter vs. Rockin’ Robin
Junkyard Dog vs. The Honky Tonk Man w/Jimmy Hart
The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff vs. The Magnificent Muraco & Bob Orton Jr.
WWF Intercontinental Championship
Randy Savage w/Miss Elizabeth vs. Ricky Steamboat
Jake Roberts w/Alice Cooper vs. Adrian Adonis
Loser Leaves WWF Match
Paul Orndorff vs. Roddy Piper
(The intense rivalry between two classic rivals concludes with a match where the loser will leave the WWF forever. Ending controversially with Paul performing the 3 count on Roddy leaning his legs on the ropes, Rowdy is forced to leave the company, but not before giving a beating to Orndorff and saying goodbye to the public, receiving a standing ovation. After this Roddy would go to Hollywood to record They Live.)
The Dream Team (Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake) & Dino Bravo vs. The Killer Bees (Jim Brunzell & B. Brain Blair) & Tito Santana
WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan vs. André the Giant w/Bobby Heenan
(The same great showdown that rocked the entire world, culminating in the same way, with Hogan performing a Body Slam on the giant and successfully retaining, ending Andre's legendary 15-year undefeated streak, the Hulkster would celebrate his victory in front of the crowd by raising the American flag high in the air, thus ending Wrestlemania.)
King of the Ring '87
Date: July 14th
Attendance: 14,000
Stadium: Providence Civic Center, Providence, Rhode Island
KOTR 1st Round
Haku vs. Brutus Beefcake
Rick Martel vs. Dan Spivey
King Kong Bundy vs. One Man Gang
Sika vs. Special Delivery Jones
Pedro Morales vs. Ron Bass
Tama vs. Junkyard Dog DQ
Nikolai Volkoff vs. Randy Savage w/Miss Elizabeth
KOTR 2nd Round
Haku vs. Rick Martel
King Kong Bundy vs. Sika
Tito Santana vs. Junkyard Dog
Pedro Morales vs. Randy Savage w/Miss Elizabeth
KOTR 3rd Round
Haku vs. King Kong Bundy
Tito Santana vs. Randy Savage w/Miss Elizabeth
WWF Intercontinental Championship
Ricky Steamboat vs. The Honky Tonk Man
KOTR Final Round
King Kong Bundy vs. Randy Savage w/Miss Elizabeth
(Same final, same winner, Randy Savage manages to prevail over Bundy and crown himself as the new King of the Ring, being known as Macho King.)
Survivor Series '87
Date: November 26th
Attendance: 21,300
Stadium: Richfield Coliseum, Richfield, Ohio.
~Team Macho Man (Randy Savage w/Miss Elizabeth, Ricky Steamboat, Junkyard Dog, Bob Orton Jr. & Jake Roberts)~ vs. Team Bundy (King Kong Bundy, Paul Orndorff, Rick Rude, Butch Reed & The Honky Tonk Man)
Sole Survivors: Randy Savage & Ricky Steamboat
WWF World Tag Team Championship
~The Hart Foundation (Bret & Jim) w/Jimmy Hart~ vs. Demolition (Ax & Smash) vs. The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid) vs. Strike Force (Tito Santana & Rick Martel)
~Team Richter (Wendi Richter, Rockin’ Robin, Velvet McIntyre, Itsuki Yamazaki & Noriyo Tateno)~ vs. Team Sensational (Sensational Sherri, Leilani Kai, Judy Martin, Donna Christanello & Dawn Marie)
Sole Survivors: Wendi Richter & Jumping Bomb Angels (Itsuki & Noriyo)
Team Harley (Harley Race, Don Muraco, Dino Bravo, Ken Patera & One Man Gang) vs. ~Team Hacksaw (Jim Duggan, Brutus Beefcake, Jim Brunzell, B. Brian Blair & Bam Bam Bigelow)~
Sole Survivors: Jim Duggan & Bam Bam Bigelow
WWF Championship
Hulk Hogan vs. ~André the Giant w/Bobby Heenan~
(The great rematch takes place here, being much more intense and with a shocking ending. After receiving a strong whistle from Heenan, the Hulkster is crushed by André, and although he tries to escape the count, it is too late, officially his reign of more than 3 years is over, the 8th wonder of the world has become the new champion of the World Wrestling Federation.)
I hope you liked it, see you in the next part where we will observe a much better structured Wrestlemania IV, the birth of the Big 5 and the rise of Macho Man. Stay tuned, take care, I wish you good afternoon, good evening and good night.

NXT has undergone a pretty sweeping shift recently, with the top stars of the brand (and even some midcard stars) having made the jump to the main roster. NXT has now switched to a more character-building mode, which means now is a great time to jump into the developmental brand and learn from fresh.
NXT'S STYLE
First up, NXT 2.0 has been dead for a WHILE now, but in the last calendar year NXT has strongly stripped away the odd booking that permeated the colour era. White and Gold NXT is very firmly a developmental brand, so it’s worth going into it knowing that the stars on the show are not finished products. Fans of the show are much more forgiving to its stars and adopt a much stronger “wait and see” attitude to that of fans of the main roster. The intimate setting of NXT also hugely helps with crowd interaction, and fans will have some unique crowd chants for stars very early on. The entire atmosphere has a very “college” feel, tends to be more lighthearted and seems much more specifically catered towards young adults. With Ilja Dragunov and Carmelo Hayes at the helm, NXT White and Gold had the best year in NXT’s history, and with those two stars moving up, NXT has changed drastically.
NXT'S TV AND PLE FORMATS
NXT actually has 2 shows; NXT and NXT Lvl Up. Both shows are filmed in the Performance Centre every week, fostering a specific fanbase for the brand in the same way that a territory like ECW did. Lvl Up, formerly 205 Live, is basically developmental for the developmental, with lowercard and midcard talents that may not otherwise get large amounts of ring time being afforded a spotlight. Lvl Up stories do not usually translate over to NXT proper.
NXT’s specials format is split between 2 week TV events and PLEs, alternating between the two every month. Almost all these events use old PLE names that were used in WWE, WCW or ECW but have been since discontinued by WWE’s main roster, such as Battleground, The Great American Bash, Heatwave, Vengeance Day, etc. Stand and Deliver is NXT’s Wrestlemania, and takes place on Mania Saturday Morning.
Last year’s event list was:

• Spring Breakin’ (Special)
  
• Battleground (PLE)
  
• Gold Rush (Special)
  
• The Great American Bash (PLE)
  
• Heatwave (Special)
  
• No Mercy (PLE)
  
• Halloween Havoc (Special)
  
• Deadline (PLE)
  
• New Year’s Evil (Special)
  
• Vengeance Day (PLE)
  
• Roadblock (Special)
  
• Stand And Deliver (PLE)
  

NXT'S ACCOLADES
NXT, just like the main roster, has its own special prizes to be won. The biggest of these are the Breakout Tournaments, the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic, and the Iron Survivor Match.

• The Breakout Tournaments are 2 tournaments, one male and one female, held between 8 rookies each, all of whom have only been on NXT TV for less than a year. The winners of these tournaments receive a contract that is basically NXT’s Money in the Bank; they can get a title shot for a championship of their choosing at any time. The main difference is that Tag Championships are also on the table, and midcard belts are frequently selected for cash-ins.
  
• The Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic is a tag team tournament, and the rules change ALL the time, but presently, 8 male teams go into this single elimination tournament, and if the winners are not already the NXT Tag Team Champions, they receive a shot at the championships at Vengeance Day (January).
  
• The Iron Survivor match happens at the Deadline PLE (December) every year and is an absolutely electric match type. 5 superstars compete, and 2 start in the ring, with a new one entering every 5 minutes until all are in the ring. The time limit is 25 minutes and whoever scores the most falls will win the match. There’s an added twist however; if you give up a fall, be it through pinfall or submission, you are sent into a penalty box and are unable to pick up any falls for 90 seconds. The winner receives a championship match at the TV special New Year’s Evil.
  

NXT'S AUTHORITY
Ava is the dominant onscreen authority figure of NXT. She was initially part of a cult in NXT led by Joe Gacy (I’ll get to that), but after its end, Ava slowly found herself getting power before being officially given the reins to the brand by William Regal (former NXT GM) and Shawn Michaels (effectively the NXT Commissioner). Ava is now the youngest GM in the brand’s history and while her relationship to her father (The Rock) is acknowledged much more rarely on screen than it as during her cult days, she is still an on-screen Anoai. Ava provides a strong but fair guiding arm to the rowdiness of NXT.
Shawn Michaels and William Regal are the two other heads of NXT, but neither have any sort of strong on screen presence anymore. They are still always options to show up if things get crazier than usual.
NXT'S CHAMPIONS AND CHAMPIONSHIPS
NXT has 5 major championships with a 6th on the way very soon.

• The NXT Championship
  
• The NXT Women’s Championship
  
• The NXT Tag Team Championship
  
• The NXT North American Championship
  
• The NXT Heritage Cup Championship
  
• The soon to be created NXT Women’s North American Championship
  

The current NXT Champion is Trick Williams. Trick Williams’ ascendancy has been the story of NXT in the last year, with it culminating with back to back wins over Carmelo Hayes and Ilja Dragunov to claim the biggest prize in developmental. “Whoop that Trick” chants are his calling card, and no one else in NXT is as popular. Trick’s mic work is perfect, but his ring work needs some polish. Nevertheless, Trick has been tasked with leading the brand into the new era, and he’s doing it, one pearly white smile at a time.

Crowd Reaction: Hugely Positive

The current NXT Women’s Champion is Roxanne Perez. Perez is The Prodigy of NXT, and while she began as a wholesome happy-to-be-here babyface, a series of unfortunate events involving her losing the Women’s Championship and failing to regain it led to a heel turn and a consistent string of solid matches en route to recapturing the belt from Lyra Valkyria. Now champion again, Roxanne has become convinced Ava has some kind of issue with her and is obsessed with using the NXT Women’s Championship to improve her star power. Roxanne is a fantastic in-ring competitor and has basically only remained in NXT to flesh out her character work. Fans have cooled a little on her in recent times, but she’s still phenomenal in my eyes.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

The current NXT North American Champion is Oba Femi. Oba Femi is a Nigerian athlete who is the first WWE superstar to enter the company through its new NIL program and win a championship. Oba Femi is backed by destiny and speaks with all the gravitas of an ancient king or warrior. A dominant powerhouse, Oba has consistently impressed for someone less than a year into their career. The crowd has responded in kind by adding war cries to go along with his promos, making him seem even cooler. You’d be forgiven if you forgot he was a heel when watching him.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

The current NXT Heritage Cup Champion is Tony D'Angelo. Tony is the Don of NXT, a strange nickname for someone who runs a very respectable restaurant and dry cleaning franchising business. Tony is backed by the Family, all of whom are completely loyal to him. Tony D’Angelo also fully returns that loyalty by taking care of his own. Tony D’Angelo’s outside ventures have also given him a sizeable cash flow, which he makes use of by doing things like donating to people and kidnapping his competition in the wrestling business, and JUST the wrestling business. Tony D’Angelo is considered a highlight of NXT whenever he and the Family are on screen.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

The current NXT Tag Team Champions are Axiom and Nathan Frazer. Axiom is a hyper-intelligent superhero gimmick who seems fundamentally unable to comprehend that no one can see the expressions on his face. Nathan Frazer is the combination of John Oliver and Wally West’s Flash, having his own talk show segment called Hard Hitting Home Truths where he basically calls people out for being stupid. Frazer often lets his mouth get him in a LOT of trouble. Together, the two have created a team which is basically “intelligent and likeable speedforce users” and their recent championship win following Stand and Deliver has given them a lot of momentum.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

NXT'S MAIN FACTIONS

• THE FAMILY

As previously mentioned, Tony D'Angelo is supported by The Family.
Channing 'Stacks' Lorenzo is The Underboss, Tony’s second-in-command, and is a solid competitor in his own right. He’s a former Tag Team Champ alongside Tony.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Adriana Rizzo is a feminine touch to the group and a somewhat recent addition. She handles the business side of affairs for the Family and isn’t half bad in the ring, though of late she’s lacked the opportunity to show it.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Luca Crusifino is the Family Consigliere, its newest addition and has a legal background to go with his solid ring skill. Wrestling lawyers are always fun and the fans have responded in kind to the lad.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

• CHASE U

NXT may be the college show, but it also has a literal college it is affiliated with on the show, that being Chase University. The university has its own section in the seats and Chase U classes are often used to give exposition to big stipulation matches or small storyline beats. There’s 4 people part of Chase U:
Andre Chase is the dean of Chase U, a gambling addict, and one of the most wholesome characters on the show. He loves his University, his students, and his swearing. Dude swears SO MUCH. Endlessly funny, Chase is perfect in NXT.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Duke Hudson is the MVP of Chase U, a title he convinced everyone he earned after his impressive wins for the University. Duke towers over most of NXT (he’s 6’5”) and has a build to match, and as such often gets opportunities for titles more so than the others in Chase U. An oddly egotistical man, Duke legitimately loves the institution.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Thea Hail is the firecracker of NXT and by far its youngest member, having legitimately not even graduated high school when she joined WWE. She’s a natural talent and has been the storyline focus of Chase U recently with a character arc of wanting to grow up, only to learn that growing up is accepting herself for herself. The heart of the group, Thea’s aggressive cheerleader gimmick has landed her the spot of the most over woman in NXT.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Riley Osborne is the newest member of Chase U, a high flying Brit with a down-to-earth personality thankful for the opportunities Chase U gives him. A potential love story is blossoming between him and Thea, and Riley has become a neat addition to the Chase U dynamic.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

• META FOUR

You remember how Noam Dar had a thing with Alicia Fox back when 205 Live was a thing? The NXT Writing Staff doubled down on that and gave Noam Dar the trait of “loves black people”, stocking his personal faction up with black prospects. Meta Four is a faction of 4 goofy ass people who have established a creed of being the perfect kind of annoying to make you like them.
Noam Dar is the faction leader and easily the best wrestler of the 4. His Scottish accent, body hair and dorky moon-related bullshit have given him a neat niche as the jackass who’s just about good enough to back up his words, but not SO good that he can beat you clean. The most prominent and prolific Heritage Cup Champion of all time, Dar has since moved up the card and is presently challenging for the NXT Championship, which makes things slightly more complicated for a certain member of his faction.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Oro Mensah is the midcard man in the faction. A Ghanaian dude who loves to party, Oro Mensah didn't connect as a babyface but found his footing as a heel playing second fiddle to his “brother” Noam Dar. Mensah is loyal, a good friend, and easily the least annoying of the faction.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Lash Legend is the Women’s Ace of this faction. She towers over the entire division and while she’s very athletic, she’s toned down her style to wrestle a little closer to classic Kane and it’s done wonders for her perception. Lash is LOUD but she seems to mostly care about her faction. She’s currently dating Trick Williams in real-life, and that relationship seems to be making the jump to the screen, so she’s doing great character work right now too.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Jakara Jackson is Lash’s best friend and the most inexperienced member of the group. Injuries have mostly made her into a manager, but she’s had a handful of matches under her belt and is seemingly willing to put in the work to get better. She’s got a decent upside and her association with Meta Four has helped her crowd reaction.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

• GALLUS

3 rough Scottish bastards who like pints and pounding the shit out of other people. Gallus are easily the biggest heel faction on NXT right now, and have just returned after an absence from TV to help The Rock train for Wrestlemania. Expect them to make a big impact on the show’s main event scene until more stars are pushed to the top. They’re not a super over group, but they’re very talented nonetheless.
Joe Coffey is the group’s de facto leader, the singles guy, and the angriest one of the 3. He’s the guy who keeps the boys on top, ensuring they’re all working hard for the benefit of the group. He’s the most no-nonsense.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Mark Coffey is the brother of Joe and one of the tag guys. Yes, it’s a little weird that the brothers aren’t the tag guys but Joe is better in singles and Mark and his mate Wolfgang are a fantastic team so it works. Mark is notably more chill than the other two but in the same way that a hammerhead shark is more chill than a great white.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

Wolfgang is the other tag guy and the powerhouse of this trio of powerhouses. Wolfgang is also pretty chill and enjoys any type of fight, from darts to pool, but it’s clear the best fights are between the ropes. Expect Gallus to try and go after the Tag Titles sooner rather than later.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

• NO QUARTER CATCH CREW

Unlike Gallus, who are basically a suplex bargain sale, the NQCC specifically specialise in amateur and catch wrestling. The NQCC have their own rule called the Catch Clause, whereby if they are scheduled for a match where they are not all involved, any member(s) of the group may choose to take part and we only find out who right before the bell rings. They hover mostly around the Heritage Cup scene.
Charlie Dempsey is the son of William Regal, though they only ever wink wink acknowledge it despite the two having the exact same face. Dempsey is a hard bastard who trains almost religiously and does not take kindly to people disrespecting the mat. While good facial expressions will get you far, Dempsey has a bit of a way to go before he’s at his father’s level.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Damon Kemp is the brother of Gable Steveson, and if that sours you on him, rethink your stance. Kemp is LEAGUES better than his brother and has no murky record to go along with it. A former Diamond Mine member (of which the Creed Brothers and Ivy Nile were part), Kemp has a somewhat barebones character and yet still does a decent job of being a dick.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Myles Borne is the rookie of the faction and currently the weakest member. He has a strong lisp, which is actually helping him along. While he started out with an abusive mentomanatee relationship with former leader Drew Gulak, Borne has since received much more freedom. Just gotta show us what you can do, bud.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

• OTM

Out Tha Mud is the full name of this faction, and their gimmick is essentially that of a group of GTA characters; low income backgrounds who have moved up in the world thanks to their athletic prowess but still retaining the personality traits gifted to them by their rough upbringings. Fans of kicking ass, gambling you out of your money, and kicking ass again, these guys have a ton of upside.
Lucien Price and Bronco Nima are the tag team of this group. If you can’t yet remember which of the two is which, Lucien Price has a bit of a rat face, so remember that “Price likes Mice.” Both are powerhouses, but Lucien is more of a jackal with great face expressions, while Bronco has more power and a certain cool factor to him. The duo have gained solid steam recently.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Jaida Parker is a new recruit to NXT, having competed in its most recent Breakout Tournament. Jaida is a powerhouse just as much as the boys are, and also is effortlessly pretty. More than happy to break a nail off while she’s beating you, Parker has gotten over in NXT MUCH faster than her cohorts.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

• MALIK BLADE, EDRIS ENOFE AND BRINLEY REECE

The least faction-y faction and more so a loose alliance between a tag team and a girl who wants to help them, this trio is currently seen as jobbers. They’re quite funny in their own ways, and have been starting to run an angle where they’ve been cursed with bad luck, which has been getting them more screentime and personality.
Malik Blade and Edris Enofe have been around NXT for a while now, and never truly been given anything to sink their teeth into. They’re high-flyers, and they’re easy to tell apart; Blade has the babyfaciest of baby faces, and Enofe has dyed hair and wears a crown. Fun dudes who need more.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Brinley Reece is a new add to the roster and basically her gimmick is ‘Bo Dallas, but she’s able to show other emotions every now and then’. A relentlessly positive and upbeat girl who can get angry if disrespected, Reece takes her losses in stride and always learns from the good things she did while improving for the next opportunity, a personality that shines next to the more downtrodden jobbers of Blade and Enofe.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

THE MENS DIVISION
Wes Lee is the biggest star NXT has not named Trick Williams. A recent injury robbed almost all the feeling in his legs only for him to make a miraculously quick recovery and immediately reinsert himself into the NA Title picture. Wes is forever linked to this championship; he had the most defences and longest reign with his single run with the title and etched his name into history as the greatest North American Champion of all time. Am endlessly likeable hard worker with a heart of gold and a a vicious aerial offence, Wes will be a fixture of NXT for a while yet.

Crowd Reaction: Hugely Positive

Lexis King is the asshole that even the OTHER assholes look at and say “he’s a bit much for me”. Arrogance, blind luck, sleaziness, and terrible beards are the ingredients that make up this fuckhead cocktail, and his character work is years ahead of his AEW work as Brian Pillman Jr. Fun to watch and fun to hate.

Crowd Reaction: Hugely Positive

Josh Briggs is so god damn good. A cowboy to his soul, Briggs has slowly evolved from his big brother character alongside former stablemate Brooks Jensen into an APA JBL-tinged roughhouser with a mean streak. A tweener in NXT, Briggs has been hunting the North American Title for a while and is crushing the chase.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Je'Von Evans is really new to NXT TV but you’d be forgiven for thinking he’d been around for half a decade with how quickly the fans took to him. The Young OG is infectiously fun and loves getting bouncy in his matches. A future star in the making.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Ridge Holland came down from the main roster to find redemption after his string of injuries he caused. NXT turned this into a storyline whereby Ridge cannot seem to shake off his terrible luck with injuring people as well as his own personal bad temper. It was coldly received at first but it’s slowly been getting better as the string of mishaps has grown more comedic even if they’re still resulting in injuries. Ridge’s struggle against his own violent tendencies is one of the few storylines where the fans are actively hoping the good guy loses, but it’s too early to tell where Ridge will end up.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

Shawn Spears has carried his character work from AEW over to NXT and has become this kind of Devil’s Advocate Sean O’Haire character where he wants people to give into their darkest impulses. A solid hand in the ring who has become a creepy midcard presence, Spears is intriguing to say the least.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Brooks Jensen is a lost soul. Formerly in a faction with Josh Briggs and Fallon Henley, the two were clearly hungry for singles gold, leading to the faction's dissolution. Jensen has since been drifting, unsure of what to do with himself. This may lead to a reinvention, so keep an eye out for his return. Brooks has a lot of potential. Also, he used to date Kiana James!

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Joe Gacy is the former cult leader of Schism (remember how Ava was in a cult?) who went insane and became an avatar of chaos. A crazy gremlin who can’t quite comprehend what his place in NXT is, Gacy’s run in NXT has actually won him a lot of fans, especially after a stellar match with Dijak.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Eddy Thorpe is formerly known as NJPW’s Karl Fredricks, but in NXT he’s incorporated a strong amount of his Native American heritage into his persona. NXT fans seem to have not quite taken to the guy for some reason (I think because his big feud involved Dijak and everyone in NXT fuckin loved Dijak), but Thorpe is a great in-ring talent with a ton of upside and a unique character. Expect his return to NXT sometime soon as Thorpe has been off with an injury that has now recuperated.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

Mr Stone is a manager, yes, but he’s jacked beyond comprehension and has had more matches than usual as of late. Attached to Von Wagner for a while prior to Wagner’s release, Mr Stone has recently acquired a new client. Stone is able to do everything; comedy, serious, graps, high-flying, the only thing he can’t do is win a match, and that’s okay!

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Dante Chen is Mr Stone’s new client, and you might recognise him from when he got merked by Bron Breakker on Smackdown. Chen has a poor win-loss record, but has a great look and has found a way to connect with the crowd with almost no promo time, and with his new partnership with Mr Stone, Dante might be on an upward trajectory!

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Javier Bernal, also known as Big Body Javi, is easily the lowest rung in the entirety of NXT’s men’s division. A jobber with an abysmal record and a surprising skill at merchandising his own name, Javi is good for getting a quick laugh before immediately eating shit.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Hank N Tank are a team comprised of Hank Walker and Tank Ledger. Hank is a former security guard turned wrestler after impressing management, and Tank is his best friend who found common ground with him through their mutual desire to prove themselves. The duo are low on the pecking order but Tank’s more manic energy combined with Hank’s decent connection to the crowd let’s the pair cover each other’s weaknesses.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

Tyriek and Tyson (Igwe and Dupont, respectively) are a very new tag team. So far they have a chip on their shoulder and a love for Timbs. Too early to tell how good they are or will become.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

THE WOMEN'S DIVISION
Meiko Satomura is WWE’s original final boss, having taken that moniker while in NXT UK. Satomura is a legend of the Joshi scene and within NXT she’s basically face Brock Lesnar; a part-timer who will immediately challenge for the top prize when she rocks up. Expect her to push any and every woman to their limit… when she feels like rocking up.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Sol Ruca has rapidly improved since her return from injury, and after kicking Blair Davenport out of NXT, Sol seems like the safest bet to become the new NXT Women’s North American Championship. Her finisher is a flip cutter that might genuinely give Randy Orion’s RKO a run for its money with how outta nowhere she can make it hit from.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Tatum Paxley recently got to sink her teeth into a proper story and made the absolute most of it, getting insanely over through her clever use of the lesbian-to-batshit-insane pipeline that most women use at some point. A stalker character who gives a level of grounded spooks to the proceedings of NXT, Paxley is really good at making you forget she can do a crisp 450 Splash right up until she does it.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Fallon Henley has the gimmick of a bartender and stablehand and made her mark in NXT as a solid midcard hand who was busy being a mother hen to the NXT locker room. The hen however has been executed with Henley’s recent heel turn and she’s looking out for herself first and foremost now. The former Tesha Price is fantastic in the ring, although she needs to tone down the screaming a scooch.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Kelani Jordan is a natural babyface and a highly athletic talent; a former gymnast background colours her style and shes already got a solid grasp of character work for a young talent. Expect her to rise through the ranks fast.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Wendy Choo is the perfect kind of silly gimmick for NXT; a narcoleptic sleepover obsessed girl who lives for fun. A banger theme and a shockingly good wrestling ability should hopefully help Wendy overcome her recent knee troubles and get back to being a solid lower card to midcard face.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Lola Vice is awesome for so many reasons, none of which make any sense next to each other. Vice, more than literally any other women’s wrestler I’ve ever seen, LOVES shaking her ass. Like, it’s her thing; she will win a match with her impressive martial arts skills, and then, with her jaw in pain from the fight, she will shake her ass over her opponent, which is hysterical to me and my brother. Fans like her, and Lola Vice makes it so that any reason you like her is a good reason.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Karmen Petrovic is a love letter to Kill Bill, and after Xia Ali’s release the company was due a new character wielding a weapon that can literally kill people. Katana in hand and guidance from Natalya in mind, KarmeNXT is a matter of when, not if. Also, she’s unfathomably attractive. How fucking DARE someone be that attractive while I’m slumming it.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Gigi Dolin is the alt girl of NXT. Positioned as the face following the breakup of Toxic Attraction and Jacy Jayne’s betrayal, Gigi has a depressing past and seeks to paint her pain away on the ring canvas. Gigi has struggled to make a connection with the crowd in recent months, but her most recent storyline with receiving a makeover might be the perfect hook.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Arianna Grace is the daughter of Santino Marella, and the comedy apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Grace is a pageant queen who wants NXT to be civilised and has an aversion to fighting, and yes, it’s exactly as wonderful as it sounds. She recently won a match to makeover Gigi, and is getting incredibly popular as a result of these heightened gimmicky segments.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Wren Sinclair is a newish addition to NXT, and while she’s likeable, she hasn’t got a distinct gimmick nor has she shown much of her personality. Formerly Madi Wrenkowski in NWA, Sinclair has potential.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

Stevie Turner is basically a Twitch Streamer who’s content is watching people on NXT fail. Turner has made scant few appearances on NXT proper, which is weird as hell, since she’s definitely ready for the show. She might show up to bolster the undercard soon, but she’s virtually nonexistent (do you get it? Virtually? Do you get it?)

Crowd Reaction: N/A

Izzi Dame is a business associate of Kiama James and seems poised to do something bigger than expected on NXT TV, but she’s yet to establish a character or do any major story work. Seems like a WIP but has an upside as a possible powerhouse.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

Jazmyn Nyx is a rookie and Jacy Jayne’s best friend. Nyx is a former soccer player and is supremely athletic, with an incredible Pele kick and a graceful kip up. With Jacy out injured, Nyx has had more of an opportunity to do character work of late and has scored goal after goal.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

Carlee Bright is the newest member of NXT’s women’s division and basically has the happy-go-lucky-o-meter turned up to 14. Her most recent outing wasn’t half bad, so she could be something in the future.

Crowd Reaction: Neutral

THE INJURED LIST
Cora Jade is easily the biggest injured star they have. Jade is Roxanne’s ex-tag partner and had a skater girl gimmick before turning heel and trading boards in for kendo sticks. Cora, along with Roxanne, are considered AJ Lee’s children due to how much she inspired them. If AJ Lee ever returns, it’ll be because of Cora Jade.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Jacy Jayne has the gimmick of toxic sorority sister and she nails every single second of it. Currently out after Thea Hail broke her nose by accident, Jacy is a toxic treat every time she’s on screen. She revels in her evil and makes no apology for it. Expect her to be a major player in the division once again when she’s back.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Nikkita Lyons might be unpopular politically online (I personally hate her for being younger than me) but she’s most assuredly well-liked within NXT. A taekwondo black belt, model and rapper (all of that is true), Nikkita channels her sex appeal into every aspect of her character. It’s clear that WWE had high hopes for her, but whether her body holds up after her knee injury is another question.

Crowd Reaction: Very Positive

Dani Palmer is currently recovering from double hip surgery, but her high flying is really impressive and her babyface fire is fairly solid. She needs more of a character but that comes with TV time.

Crowd Reaction: Positive

THE BROADCAST TEAM
**
NXT of course has its own broadcast team, all with their own flavours.

• The commentary team is Vic Joseph on play-by-play and Booker T on colour. Vic Joseph reins in Booker T's more insane commentary and skillfully carries the broadcasting duties with a crystal clear narrative, and he's slowly become one of the best commentators in WWE.
  
• Mike Rome has been moved back down to NXT for ring announcing, with Alicia Taylor moving up to replace him on Smackdown. Rome has a proven track record as an announcer.
  
• Kelly Kincaid and Sarah Schreiber are the backstage interviewers and are both quite enjoyable on-screen. Sarah also doubles as the ring announcer for Lvl Up.
  
• Blake Howard is the commentator for NXT Lvl Up and also commentates Main Event for the main roster. On Lvl Up he is joined by Byron Saxton.
  

And that should be absolutely everything you need to know about NXT for its current era! If I missed anything, let me know!

The Xavi era is over. The 44 year-old manager, considered by many as the best Spanish player in history, will likely wake up one morning, look back at the past two and a half years, and think “What the hell just happened.”
His journey has been one of constant ups and downs. His appointment as manager fresh from a short managerial stint in Qatar, taking over for Koeman; the both weird and familiar space he found himself as his work started, surrounded by the warmth of the club of his childhood and his life, and at the same time feeling constantly scrutinized by local media, fans, and some of the board.
At the top of the list are the many repercussions he suffered from the actions of president Joan Laporta. He was forced to watch while in charge the saddest of goodbyes to Lionel Messi. Rumors of the board interfering with squad call-ups. The I love you - I love you nots of the past few months of the President, from getting choked up when he said Xavi was staying, to his final decision of firing him with a match to go in La Liga, to everything before and after.
Breaking news: Laporta doesn't seem to love anyone but himself. There is a saying in Spanish; “La confianza da asco.” Said in other words, those closest to you will treat you the worst. The neutral Spanish fan who grew up watching Xavi lift a World Cup and back-to-back Euros hopes that in the near future, and regardless of Xavi’s tactical shortcomings in comparison to Barcelona titans like Luis Enrique or Pep Guardiola, he will find peace, serenity, and room to do the work and succeed. Often, one can only find that away from home.
Whichever way Barcelona arrived here, the sacking of Xavi brings forth Hansi Flick. The German is the second foreign manager out of the past seven at Barcelona, and the first one in 22 years to have never either managed or played in Spain, since Louis van Gaal in 2003. Flick, aware of the interest for months, has been learning Spanish in an effort to bridge the inevitable gap he will feel upon his unveiling.
If only that were the only problem.
Laporta’s last bullet
The appointment of Hansi Flick by Joan Laporta ties both of them at the hip; for a lot of people watching, this is El President’s last chance to turn things around, especially as other areas of the club, fanbase and financials notoriously, are on a downward spiral.
The Nou Camp Nou is still in shambles, and the dream of playing at home by the end of 2025, no matter what news sources push out, is difficult. In turn, the experience at the Estadi Olimpic has proven to be both good and bad for the club; on one end, the audience watching matches at the temporary stadium are heavily, and more than ever, international fans hoping to see one more attraction, much like the Sagrada Familia Cathedral, or the beach.
On the other end, Barcelona has gotten away with it with a lukewarm season for that same reason. Losses to Paris Saint-Germain (1-4), Real Madrid (1-2), Girona (2-4) and Villarreal (3-5) at home would have set the Camp Nou on fire.
If we focus on the financials, things get worse. The club has partially sold assets out to execute what they called “levers” that would allow them to tackle last-minute payments, wage bills, and much needed transfers. The situation would be alleviated if the team performed, though. Barcelona was counting on getting close to the Champions League final to bring some much needed revenue in. That did not happen, with the club losing to an extra-inspired Dembele against Paris Saint Germain in the Quarterfinals, 6-4 in aggregate.
Barcelona also failed to qualify to the newly formatted FIFA Club World Club. Much lower-valued clubs like Benfica, Atletico Madrid, or Red Bull Salzburg will attend; but Barcelona did not make the cut–another 50 million Euros out of reach. In turn, financial leadership has attempted to distance itself from the wreckage, with moves like Financial Vice President Eduard Romeu, who left two months ago. He is still to be replaced.
As Laporta keeps the plates spinning, he turns to what seems to be the last chance he has to turn the wind in his favor, and in the end, the one thing true Barcelona fans care about most: what happens on the pitch. With the sacking of Xavi and the imminent appointment of Hansi Flick, the President could have placed the last nail on his coffin and opened the door for a successor.
It could also prove to be the best decision Barcelona has made since Guardiola.
Hansi Flick
Hansi Flick (1965, Heidelberg) spent the bulk of his playing career at Bayern Munich in the 80s. He averaged 20 matches per season, not standing out but nevertheless being part of the team that won four Bundesligas, first under Udo Lattek then under Jupp Heynckes in what was his first stint out of four for the veteran manager at the German club.
As a Bayern player, he visited Spain twice, both times playing against Real Madrid, and losing both times, in the Champions League final rounds.
Immediately after his retirement, he became manager of lower league FC Bammental, and later and more consistently, TSG Hoffenheim. He managed the club for close to 200 matches, attempting promotion to the German third tier several times, but failing and eventually being sacked on November 19, 2005.
Roughly a thousand miles away, Xavi and company visited the Barnabeu themselves, beating Los Blancos by 0-3 with a Ronaldinho brace, including that run from midfield to dribble half the team, beat Iker Casillas, and get a standing ovation from the rival stadium.The best of times were still to come for Barcelona: 18-year-old Messi was starting to feature.
After that reset, Flick decided to cool down and learn. What followed were stints as an assistant manager at Red Bull Salzburg serving Giovanni Trapattoni in one of the mighty Italian’s last adventures in 2006. He is only one of seven men to have won the UEFA Champions League as both a player, and a manager.
Most notoriously though, he was later the right hand of Joachim Löw in the German National team. The first strokes of Flick’s abilities as a manager started to shine as part of Löw’s team: aggressiveness in the offensive, physicality, aerial prowess. Set pieces. Largely in charge of the latter for the German side during the 2014 World Cup, Flick proved his worth when elegance-personified-in-football Toni Kroos whipped a cross from a free kick, and Mats Hummels headed past Hugo Lloris to beat France (1-0). Days later, Kroos would join Real Madrid from Bayern Munich.
Flick went on to become the Sporting Director of the national team after they lifted the World Cup, but the bench kept calling him in. By 2019 he was back at work, as assistant manager of Niko Kovac and his Bayern Munich. The Croatian was hoping to build on the Bundesliga title achieved last season, but first players, then fans turned their backs on him as results and performances, individual and at the team level, simply weren’t good enough. Eintracht Frankfurt beat the German giants 5-1, and Kovac was sacked.
That night in November, Hansi Flick took over as interim manager. Six months later, he would lift the Bundesliga, German Cup and the Champions League trophies. It would be only the second treble in Bayern history.
Flick left at the end of the next season, surrounded by rumors of his relationship with board and key Bayern ex-players, but as one of the most effective managers in Bayern’s recent memory.
Later on, Germany called, and Flick did not hesitate to say yes; a real chance at being in charge of the national team.
However, that stint did not go well. It did not help that, while in charge, Flick doubted himself.
The next 23 months involved an underwhelming third place at the UEFA Nations League, and three dismal performances at the World Cup, with a loss to Japan (1-2), a tie against Germany (1-1), and a late win to Costa Rica (4-2).
Even though he had plenty of Bayern ex-players at his disposal, Flick simply could not make things work with a team he could not communicate more than a few times a year, man management being one of his fortes. He tried to compensate, as humans often do, in other areas of his own influence. He changed formation over a half dozen times, shying away from his 4-2-3-1. He became aggressive in his communications with players.
The board eventually lost confidence in him.
His style of football though, aggressive, high-block and high-tempo, Flicki-Flacka as it was dubbed back in Munich, is the kind of philosophy Flick will be asked and hope to bring to Barcelona.
The question remains: will he be able to get past language barriers, cultural dissonance, a local media that will not hesitate to attack a foreign, non Barcelona-DNA manager the instant things are not working, and succeed against a well-oiled Real Madrid, likely with Kylian Mbappe in the ranks?
Just as importantly, will Laporta get out of Flick’s way–and his own way–and let the manager do his job?
Will there be enough resources to build a team that will be able to play to the German’s style?
Some of these questions can be asked by looking at the manager’s tactical style, and the players at his disposal.
Flicki-Flacka
When Flick sticks to what he does best, he proves to be lethal, like at Bayern Munich. His 4-2-3-1 system choked the opposition in his own box, took the ball by storm, and found quick and effective ways to create chances to score.
Ask Barcelona after Flick’s Bayern demolished the Catalans in 2020 (2-8). It was the Cules biggest loss in 70 years. Barcelona manager Quique Setien was sacked hours later. Pique, Messi and Suarez were vocal in the press about the need for change. Ronald Koeman, the manager who preceded Xavi at Barcelona, took over days later.
Regardless of whether Flick will be able to implement the same system in a country where low-block teams (those that wait in their third of the pitch, defending closely together and hoping for a counter) are more common than in Germany’s open style of football, some main concepts are expected.
High pressure, all the time. Flick is known for wanting to pin the opposition against its own goal, from the 1st to the 90th minute. He keeps rivals off-balance, and refuses to give them the ability to breathe, and build, from the back.
If the opposition does wriggle out of pressure, attacking players are expected to track back and keep pressuring the ball. During his first campaign at Bayern, it was common to watch as Thomas Müller stole the ball in the middle of the pitch. The team would then turn on a dime, and a full attack would follow; often with superiority in numbers against a defense struggling to track back. Leroy Sané, Lewandowski, or Müller himself would often have a chance to score only seconds later.
Possession is important, but chance creation trumps. Flick refuses to speculate with the ball. Think of it as the attacking antithesis of Garcia Pimienta’s Las Palmas: Flick’s teams charge up the field, use the flanks, and find through passes, and just as often crosses, to keep pushing and create chances to score. In the 19/20 season, Bayern scored 100 goals in the Bundesliga; 99 goals the season after. Bayern has not matched those numbers since.
It starts at the back. Away from some of the most dominating teams in Europe these days, with a midfielder stuck between the two central defenders in order to link up the play, Flick trusts that having two ball-playing defenders will negate the need for a midfielder so far down the pitch, giving them more opportunities to both be closer to and move faster towards goal.
This happened at Bayern as well, with Alaba and Boateng comfortable with the ball, which gave Kimmich and Goretzka freedom to be more involved on the attacking build up; Goretzka would push up higher down the field and join the attack, specially as an aerial threat, and Kimmich would stay slightly back and bring creative ways to restart the attack, send in a cross or a through pass, or take a shot.
Crosses are sexy. Expect a lot of crossing at Barcelona, especially if Flick develops the squad he will be hoping to build. The German prioritizes the flanks over the midfield in his style of play; incisive, fast players are non-negotiable, as well as a striker and an attacking midfielder who are both comfortable in the air, and able to play with their back to the goal to create chances for the wingers.
Behind them all, the right and left fullbacks take turns charging up the field, with one of them likely staying back and into a three-player defense (a style that Manchester City has mastered), and the other one pushing further up. When the game requires an unlock via a deep cross or a run into space, the other fullback will be asked to push up as well.
Conceding goals is acceptable. Such a style of play, pushing so high up the field without reservations, leaves plenty of space at the back between the defense and the goalkeeper. As it was the case with Bayern (the 2-3 loss to Paris Saint Germain in 2021 being a good example of this), ultra-pressure comes at a cost, and teams with the ability to counter quickly and with skill will find plenty of opportunities to score.
Players may change position. Hansi Flick’s decisions around who to play and where regardless of their experience to date have impacted a lot of high-profile players now considered the best at what they do. Canadian superstar Alphonso Davies was slowly growing as a winger before Flick exploded him into one of the best left backs in the world. David Alaba turned into a world class center back after being pulled out of that left back position; and world-class talent Kimmich, known for being a positional chameleon with a brain to match, is shining as a defensive midfielder, He was an established right back when Flick took over.
The German will look at players and be, in theory, unafraid to make decisions that land them in different positions. This could prove a problem with some of the traditional fanbase, who could turn to these situations when things don’t work out..
Setting expectations, man management, and physicality. Aside from the tactical aspect of his management in his career so far, Hansi Flick demands a communication style that is open and daily, forging relationships with players that will render the performance he needs out of them on the pitch. This could prove difficult in Spain for the first time in charge of a team that broadly does not speak his native language. It’s the reason other coaches like Simeone struggle to leave Spain, or why Unai Emery is often seen tripping over his words as his passion for what he is saying catches up to his domain of the English language. Making insightful, elaborated points in a non-native tongue is hard. This is likely the reason why news outlets are reporting that Flick and Barcelona are already looking to land Spanish-and-German speaking players who could act as the extension of the manager in the locker, like Thiago Alcantara.
Regardless of the potential language troubles, Flick will overall deploy a style of play that will be clear, specific, and especially after the national team failure, immovable. In Muller’s words while at Bayern: “He tells us what to do with consistency and without alternatives. We know what the player next to us is doing”.
This will likely be a breath of fresh air compared to the exiting manager; even though Xavi stuck to the 4-3-3 style Barcelona die-hard fans demand, the way in which the tactic was deployed was often lacking in shape, purpose or consistency, and often turning into a ball for Raphinha or Lamine Yamal to save the day.
Lastly but equally importantly, Hansi Flick demands that his players are in top physical shape, and if possible, increase their muscle size in order to increase their aggressiveness, pressuring abilities, and aerial superiority. During the COVID outbreak, several Bayern players notoriously put on muscle in the forced break, with some of them looking close to unrecognizable. Coutinho notoriously put on four kilograms (9lbs) of muscle.
If players like Pedri, Yamal, or Cubarsi join the fitness plan, Barcelona could benefit from it in the long term–especially when looking at the injury list year after year.
Aligning Flick's system with Barcelona's current squad
When imagining what Flick’s Barcelona could look like, some players stand out. First is the old guard, the players the German manager has coached in the past. They will prove invaluable both in the integration of the manager, and in the implementation of his system.
That list includes Robert Lewandowski, who is likely to play a Bayern’s Lewa/Muller hybrid role next season, scoring but also assisting plenty, as well as benefiting from set pieces and crosses. Ter Stegen was part of Flick’s German team as well, and with Neuer at Barcelona, the goalkeeper will continue to enjoy the spotlight as a ball-player goalkeeper.
Same is the case with Gündoğan, who Flick managed in the national team.The midfielder, about to turn 34, has the qualities needed, especially if we look at the need to perform, now. Gündoğancertainly has a year or two left in his career; this season, he led Barcelona in progressive carries of the ball and recoveries as well, and is the current free-kick specialist.
There are also those who have not played under Flick yet, but align with his style of play, at least on paper. That includes, above all, Lamine Yamal. His style of play is perfect for the job Flick will want him to perform, and if Flick’s fitness plans follow, we could be in the midst of a supernova of a player.
Other players, like Gavi, theoretically fit right into Flick’s system. The 19 year-old’s ability to be physical sometimes to a fault, his technique, and his attacking abilities will prove a great addition to the starting midfielders on paper, de Jong and Gundogan. If he comes back after his injury on a good note, we could see the best version of Gavi yet.
In defense, one player stands out: Jules Kounde. The Parisian has the passing ability and physicality Flick loves, and could prove a great anchor at the back, as well as an aerial threat. It may be that the defender could have the chance he has been waiting for to finally get the recognition he deserves from his fans.
Ronald Araujo is flawless in the air, on defense and attack, but constant transfer rumors originating from Barcelona hint at the club wanting a big influx of revenue to square the finances up. Flick could see in Cubarsi Barcelona’s Kimmich, being placed in different roles across the pitch and perhaps eventually being placed in midfield. The 17-year-old is certainly displaying mental abilities foreign to someone who is still unable to vote in an election in Spain.
Ferran Torres and Raphinha will need to change a lot of things about the way they play in order to gain the trust of the manager; specially defensively. On the sidelines is Vitor Roque, who especially in this system, would seem to be lost at sea, although the 19 year old still has so much room to grow.
Regardless of current players, there will be a need for new players over the summer. Laporta will likely not be able to find the funds for it unless players exit first. The return of Eric Garcia, on loan from Girona, could prove a good addition at the back, especially after the ball-playing defender’s amazing season at the neighboring club, including five goals scored in La Liga.
If Villarreal’s Alex Baena or Girona’s Aleix Garcia join the team, they would both fit right into this system; the first one behind Lewandowski, and the second one, playing with de Jong or Gundogan. Some aspects of their game, like Aleix’s switch to pushing forward over helping back, or Baena’s seemingly innate ability to earn uncalled for yellow cards when frustrated, will have to be worked on.
In the horizon, and as an almost unobtainable wish, stand players like Kimmich, himself, Davies, or young talent Jamal Musiala. The Bayern Munich player, who made his professional debut at age 17 under Hansi Flick, would be the kind of transfer the German manager would have made if he had just joined Manchester City or Real Madrid.
Not in Barcelona. In Xavi's own words, “The present situation has nothing to do with 25 years ago. The manager would come and say “I want this player, this one, and this one.” It doesn’t work like that anymore.”
Whatever the situation, Flick has landed in Barcelona, and the challenge is one that will make or break him, and Laporta, by extension. If he can find a way to get past politics, language, media, emotional turmoil, financial instability, a cold stadium, and all other things Barcelona, he will be seen as a genius, and Laporta, as a mastermind.
It will all come down to whether this club can stop chasing whatever version of “Barcelona DNA'' is out there in 2024, and whether they can let Flick bring some of his own DNA to an organization that historically prides itself on hanging on to the past.

Parts 1-18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32
“Psst! Psst! Mr. Hard-Sell! Wake Up!”, I heard Bob say, waking me up.
I groggily opened my eyes, and lifted my head off the pillow, to see Bob and the Seeker standing side by side in front of my dresser.
I quickly rolled on my back, and sat up, turning my head to look at them
I then looked to my left to see Donna still sleeping.
I looked back, and asked, wiping my eyes, “Bob? What are you two doing in our bedroom?”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Hard-Sell! It is time!”, Bob said coldly.
The Seeker just smiled.
I then took a look at my arm… 14 minutes, 37 seconds, and counting.
I put my hands over my face, and let my body fall back onto the bed.
I knew this day would come, I was just hoping that with all the wild and crazy adventures we had together, they forgot. They didn’t.
I guess the sudden jolt of the mattress, jarred Donna awake.
“Michael! What’s wrong?”, she asked, half asleep.
I just sighed, and pointed toward the dresser.
Donna then raised her head, leaned up on her arm, and looked in that direction.
“Bob? Old Man?”, she said surprised, pulling the blankets up around her neck, “Why are you in our bedroom?”
“Donna Dear! I’m afraid… it is time!”, Bob answered again.
“Time for what?”, she asked confused.
“You didn’t tell her, Mr. Hard-Sell?”, Bob inquired.
“Tell me what?”, Donna asked worried.
I just sighed, sat back up, and looked at Bob.
“Tell me what?”, she asked again, more intense this time, and pulling on my arm.
I turned to look at her, as she let go of my arm.
“Um! You see, Babe. Um! Seven years ago, I met the old man in the bathroom at the mall. I was wearing that jacket of mine that you like so much. He asked me if I would sell my soul for Rock and Roll like the jacket said.
I foolishly said yes, thinking he was just some random old man fucking with me. He wasn’t. He was, and still is, a Soul Seeker.
I inadvertently sold my soul, which allowed me to get anything I wanted for the next seven years, but at the end, I had to spend eternity in Hell.
There’s a counter on my arm that tells me how much time I have left.
I wanted to become a Rock Star, and I did, but now my time is up.”, I said, “I have to go to Hell now! Well, in 9 minutes and 42 seconds.”
“I don’t see anything on your arm?”, Donna said almost in tears.
“You won’t, only Bob and I can see it.”, I answered.
I then turned to Bob, and asked, “Why didn’t you just let the timer count down, and take me while I was sleeping?”, I asked
“I like you, Mr. Hard-Sell, I really do. I do not want to do this, but a deal is a deal.
I normally would have done just that, but like I said, I like you. I feel I at least owe you the opportunity to say goodbye, after all you have helped me do!”, Bob answered.
I then turned to Donna, who was fully in tears at this point
“No! I don’t want you to go. What about the baby? I wish this wasn’t happening!”, she said, through falling tears, with her hands covering her face.
I put my arm around her to try and console her, but she pulled away.
I couldn’t really blame her.
Her words were tearing through me, like a Langolier through time past.
But it also got me thinking, “Want? Wish?”
“Wait a minute… maybe there IS a way out of this”, I thought.
I closed my eyes and whispered, “God! I hope this works!”
“I have 2 minutes and 7 seconds left, I can still get anything I want, and you still owe me a wish!”, I said pointing at Bob.
His eyes grew wide, and a smile loosely formed on his face, like he knew where I was going with this.
I quickly began listing off all the things I wanted, in rapid fire style.
“I want to grow old with Donna . I want our baby to be healthy.
I want to keep all the money.
I want to keep the house.
I want to keep the cars.
I want to keep the ability to get anything I want.
I want to own the bus that Mr. Bellington gave me.
I want Ricky and Tony to be successful.
I want Derek and Corey to succeed.
I want Stephen to find happiness.
I want Rebecca and Donna to remain best friends.
I want Edgar to learn how to play the keyboards.”
I then hesitated, breathing heavy.
15 seconds…
I then took the deepest breath I could.
“AND I WISH I HAD MY SOUL BACK!”, I yelled, and looked down at my arm.
10 seconds...
“You can’t do that!”, the Seeker yelled.
“A wish is a wish! Now grant it!”, I yelled to Bob.
Bob just stood there.
5 seconds…
“You owe me that wish!”, I yelled.
3 seconds…
2 seconds…
1 second…
That loosely formed smile then formed into a happy one, as Bob snapped his fingers.
In mid snap, time ran out, as flames began bursting up from the floor.
I then heard Donna scream.
I turned to look at her, as her face and body quickly began melting into a large pile of a flesh colored goo on the bed.
I screamed, and looked at Bob and The Seeker. They were just standing there, in the midst of the flames.
I then felt the bed give way underneath me.
I felt my body falling… falling into the firey pits of Hell.
I felt every molecule in my body slowly breaking apart, starting with my hands and feet, floating like embers at a campfire, right in front of my eyes, just like it did, when Bob transported Tony and I from the basement to the alley.
The pain was immense, and the heat was unbearable.
I could hear flames crackling, and blood curdling torturous screams from below, as my body disintegrated.
I screamed again.
Suddenly, a huge bright white mist, resembling the one that the Seeker sucked out of me, when I first went to hell, and he took my soul, appeared out of nowhere, and was barreling at me fast. It slammed hard into my chest, just as my upper torso was beginning to break apart.
Everything went black.
The next thing I knew, my body slammed back together again, and I was ascending upward through the flames, engulfed in the white mist.
I closed my eyes.
The moment I did, I felt my body slam down hard on the mattress.
I bounced off the bed, and onto the floor, still screaming.
“Michael! Are you ok? What happened?”, I heard Donna say.
At least it was her voice.
I opened my eyes, as I got up on my hands and knees.
I then looked at my arm.
There was nothing there.
I stayed there, on my hands and knees, thinking.
“I’ve always heard that Hell is a repetitious loop of the one thing that you fear the most.
Mine was losing Donna and the baby.
Am I going to relive that moment over and over again for all of eternity?”, I thought, “Is that my Hell?”
I closed my eyes, sighed, and opened them again.
When I did, I saw the tips of Bob’s Black wing tipped shoes come into view.
I then looked up.
“Ta-da!”, Bob said… “Well played, Mr. Hard-Sell… Well played!”, as he extended his right hand to me.
I hesitantly grabbed it.
He then helped me to my feet.
The bedroom was completely intact.
“Am I in Hell?”, I asked Bob.
“No, Michael! You are here in the real world, in your house, with Donna, and your unborn child.”, he replied smiling.
Donna then came running, well, briskly walking, 4 months pregnant, remember?
Anyway, she came around the side of the bed, in her nightgown, and bear hugged me, almost knocking me over.
I hugged her back.
She then let go of me, and punched me in the arm, hard.
It hurt a little, reminding me not to piss her off again.
“You are an asshole, Michael! Don’t you do that to me again!”, she said, then kissed me.
After the kiss, I touched her face, to see if she was real. She was.
I then looked at Bob.
“You called me Michael!”, I said, “Why?”
“That is your name!”, he replied.
“You have called me, Mr. Hard-Sell, for the last 6 and a half years, no sense in stopping now.”, I retorted.
“Very Well! Mr. Hard-Sell it is.”, Bob said smiling, “Now, Let’s talk!”, he said.
“Can we get dressed first?”, I asked.
“Absolutely! Do you have any Red wine?”, he asked.
“No, Bob! We don’t drink!”, I answered.
“Very well then!”, Bob said, “I shall meet you in the dining area! Which way is that?”
“Down the hall, down the stairs, make a right, and you’ll run right into it.”, Donna answered.
“Thank you!”, Bob replied, and walked out of the bedroom door.
We both then got dressed, and walked downstairs to meet Bob.
We arrived to find him, sitting at the table, twiddling his thumbs.
I then looked out of the dining room window, to see our bus, sitting in the driveway, next to my Mustang.
I smiled.
I then turned to Bob, “Where’s the Seeker?”, I asked.
“He was upset, that I gave you your soul back, and used some rather distasteful words, directed at me, so I gave him a few go rounds on my little rollercoaster. That’s should calm him down.”, Bob answered.
“Okay, Bob! Um! What’s up?”, I asked, sitting down, while Donna went to make a pot of coffee.
“Mr. Hard-Sell! I am so glad it ended up this way. I did not want to do that to you. But let me ask you this, Did you know what you were going to do with that wish when you said you would, and I quote, I’ll reserve my wish for another time, end quote?”, Bob asked.
“No! Not really! I just knew it would be good to have in my back pocket, but I didn’t know what I was going to do with it, until today!”, I responded.
“You know, Mr. Hard-Sell, through all my many years of existence, there have only been two people to ever beat me at my own game… the first was Jesus Christ, and the second was you!”, he said, “Not to say that you are Christ-like, because you are not, but I am glad you succeeded in getting your soul back.
Donna then returned, “Coffee’s going!”, she said, as I got up, pulled out the chair next to me, for her, then sat back down.
Bob then continued, “Now, as I have said numerous times before, I like you, I really do, so I assure you both, that you’re little girl, yes, it is a girl!”
Donna then smiled from ear to ear.
“Yes!”, she said.
“Your little girl, will want for nothing. If you can not provide it for her, Good ole Uncle Bob will. I promise you that.”, Bob said.
“Thanks, Bob!”, we both said in unison.
“I’ll go check on the coffee!”, Donna said, getting up and walking to the kitchen.
“Is this the end, Bob? Will I ever see you again after this?”, I asked.
“Oh, yes, Mr. Hard-Sell, and, No, it is not the end. I plan to keep a close eye on all of you! I will not interfere with your lives, but I will always be there, if you ever need me!”, he answered.
Donna then returned with three cups of coffee, a pitcher of cream, and a bowl of sugar, with a spoon.
“Would you like some coffee, Bob?”, she asked.
“Is it hot? I like hot!”, he asked.
“Yes”, she replied.
“Then, Yes! I have never had coffee before. But there is a first time for everything!”, he said laughing.
“How do you make it?”, he asked.
“We have a coffee pot! You know what a coffee pot is, right?”, I stupidly asked.
“Yes, Mr. Hard-Sell, I have equipped many different vehicles with one for your enjoyment, and watched you make it many many times.”, he answered, “I meant, how do you prepare it?”
“Oh! I put a little cream, and 2 sugars in mine!”, I answered, “Donna likes it black with sugar!”
“I’ll take it like that!”, he said.
Donna then prepared my cup, her cup, and his cup, and placed them all in front of us.
Bob then took a sip.
“Oh, this is most excellent! I love it! It burns, and is soothing at the same time!”, he said, “I’ve done the music business, now I think I’ll get into the coffee business. But what to call it! Help me here!”, he said.
“Um, Hell’s Brew!”, I said.
“For a songwriter, you are bad with words. No, nothing Hell related! I Got it! Keurig, which means excellence in Dutch. What do you think?”
It’s catchy!”, Donna said.
“I can create my own machine, offer single serve portions, in little plastic cups, I think I will call them K-Cups, charge an outrageous price for them, humans will go crazy to get them, and every coffee company in the world will copy my cup design, and offer their own brand of coffee to be used in my machine, for a price that is. It’s brilliant.
Oh, I must get started on this right away. I really must be going. Thank you for the coffee. I bid you both ado”, then he left.
How did he leave?… C’mon, you remember!… Keep thinking!…That’s right!…
He snapped his fingers, and disappeared into a cloud of gray smoke.
I knew you’ve been paying attention.
Two weeks later, human time, I saw the first Keurig commercial on TV.
Anyway, Bob gave us an endless, lifetime supply of K-Cups, any flavor, gets us all the new machines, as well as let’s us be the taste testers for any and all new coffee blends. It’s great.
Donna likes the iced coffees, I prefer it hot.
Anyway, Donna gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl, about 5 months later.
We decided to name her Robyn, after Bob, who’s first name is actually Robert, remember?
Robert… Robyn… Get it. Good.
Everyone was there at the hospital, except Derek and Corey, obviously, and Stephen, who was off touring the country.
Edgar and Rebecca informed us that they too were going to have a baby, and that Bob was a proud grandpa.
They decided to name her Calypso, meaning she who hides.
We brought Robyn home about a week later.
About 6 months after that, human time, there was a knock on the door. I opened it up to see Edgar and Rebecca standing there, with Rebecca holding a 3 month old, human time, bouncing baby demon succubus girl.
I don’t know how old she was in Hell time.
With them were two humongous Great Danes. Edgar explained that they were Hell Hounds, and were specifically trained to protect their person, or persons.
One was named Bill, and the other was named Janice.
Donna and Baby Robyn then joined me at the door.
“Rebecca!”, Donna yelled.
“Bestie!”, Rebecca yelled
They then ran to each other and hugged, trying not to squash the babies in between them.
When the hugfest was over, Donna, Rebecca, and the babies went inside, leaving Edgar, myself, and the two dogs, standing on the front steps.
I asked Edgar why the dogs had people names instead of animal names.
He said, “Imagine you are at home alone! Someone breaks in, and threatens to kill you. If you call out, Demon, or Hellion, they are going to know you’re calling dogs, and they will prepare for dogs. But if you call, Bill, or Janice, followed by their “GO” word. They are going to think that you’re scared and calling your overweight uncle, or your petite little girlfriend, and blow it off. They won’t be expecting 2 200 pound pissed off Hell Hounds coming at them”
It kinda made sense.
He then told me that they were a present from Bob to the two of us, and Robyn, as he leaned up, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and whispered in my ear, “Their “GO” word is OPPUGNATIO, which means attack in Latin. Remember that word… OPPUGNATIO! I don’t want to say it too loud. I don’t want them to hear it, and kill us all.”
I mouthed the word to myself, and said, “Thanks! I’ll tell Donna later.”
I then asked who was going to protect him and Rebecca.
He said, “If anyone breaks in, Rebecca will use her seduction abilities to draw them near. When their guard is down, I will rip their heads off, and feast on their flesh, chewing and chomping their bones, inner organs, muscles, and fatty tissue, until there’s nothing left of them, but a burp!”
He got real intense at the end there. It scared me a little, especially when he laughed.
“Oh! At least you have a plan!”, I responded.
“Yeah! We’ve been talking about it for a while. Here you go!”, he said, handing me the leashes.
One of the dogs then barked, I think it was Bill, followed by a tiny puff of gray smoke exiting his mouth.
“Thanks Bob!”, I whispered.
I then invited Edgar inside, leading the dogs in as well.
We found Donna and Rebecca sitting at the dining room table, and the babies in the play pen nearby.
The dogs sat in the corner watching us.
We then resumed our conversation.
“What about Axel?”, Donna said, looking at the dogs, “Won’t they kill her?”
“No! Hell Hounds do not see cats as a threat, like normal canines do. They will probably get along really well!”, Edgar responded.
And they did.
Bill and Janice were very emotional the day that Axel passed, and even to this day, lay out by the tree we planted over the spot where we buried Axel.
Axel is still around though.
Occasionally, we’ll hear that little bell that comes on most cat toys ring, or hear the sound of a cat meowing as we’re eating dinner, or walking down the hallway.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “It’s probably just a cat outside!”
And that could be possible, when we hear a cat meow while eating dinner.
But I seriously doubt, if we’d be able to hear a bell from outside, or be able to hear a cat meow from outside, while we’re walking through an upstairs hallway, with no windows in it, and all the doors shut.
Explain that one!
Plus, Bill and Janice have been seen on multiple occasions, chasing “nothing” around the yard, or staring at the tree.
They know she’s here too.
Anyway, Edgar said all we had to do, was feed both dogs a tiny drop of blood, from each one of the three of us, just once, and that will tell them who their person, or persons are.
Now, before you go thinking that we stabbed Robyn to get her blood, or something crazy like that.
The hospital gave us a small vile of her blood, when Donna and Robyn were released. Why, I’m not really sure, but this town is a little different then most, if you haven’t heard.
Donna and I finger pricked ourselves, and dripped a little on their dog food, as well as some from Robyn’s vile, when we first fed them, and they have been loyal to us ever since.
In case you’re wondering, the Hell Hounds only eat Royal Canin Dog Food, from France.
Axel ate Royal Canin cat food, from that day on, until the day she passed.
Bob sends us a monthly shipment, even to this day.
Now, according to Rebecca, succubus births are almost immediate.
No contractions!
No epidural!
No Pain!
Nothing!
One second you’re pregnant, the next second it’s plopping on the floor. Don’t worry, the baby is protected by a Heavy duty, Gel-like webbing, when it comes out, so the baby doesn’t get hurt when it falls.
There is no time to gather family and friends, so we didn’t even know about the birth, until they showed up on our doorstep.
Now, before you start thinking that Bob freaked out, and threw them out of hell, that was not the case.
Apparently, Edgar and Rebecca, were staying with Bob, in one of his spare rooms.
Bob has a mansion in Hell, being he’s the devil and all.
They had gone out to spend time together, leaving Bob to babysit.
Now, I don’t know what there really is to do in Hell, but apparently there’s something that interests them.
Anyway, Edgar had installed surveillance cameras in their room, unbeknown to Bob, to keep an eye on the baby while they were occupied with other things.
They both checked the footage when they got home, and saw Bob dancing around in a diaper, with a bonnet on his head, and a pacifier in his mouth, trying to entertain the baby.
I cried with laughter when Edgar told me that.
Anyway, Edgar blackmailed Bob with the video, saying he would show it to everyone in Hell, if he didn’t allow him, Rebecca, and the baby, to live in the real world, and lead normal lives, also so that Rebecca could hang out with her bestie Donna.
He agreed, and even bought them a house three houses down from ours.
Rebecca got a job at the Hooters in the next town over. Sales went straight through the roof. It was always packed, and still is to this day.
The food is good, but Rebecca is the main attraction. Guys from everywhere, and a few ladies, mostly truck drivers, come to see, well, excuse my language, but… “Tits and Tail”, as they say.
She makes a killing in tips.
There’s a sign posted when you walk in, that reads, “No Tail Touching! Offenders Will Be Whipped.”
Rebecca said that she has only had to whip a couple overzealous patrons, with her tail, a couple times, in the past 30 years, and that some guys even offer her money to whip them for no reason.
She always says “No!”
Ricky gave Edgar a job at BB & T Music, as a stock clerk. He got to be really good friends with Tony, and they even perform together, Tony on the accordion, and Edgar on the keyboards, every Sunday Night, at the store, from 8 until 9, with Ricky and I sometimes joining in on guitar, but we don’t want to take the spotlight away from them. We had our time. This is theirs.
It’s amazing how many people actually show up to see them.
They decided to call themselves Accordaboard.
They do 80’s Metal covers on keyboard and accordion, just like Apocalyptica does with Cellos.
Bob offered them free use of his studio to record a demo tape, if they ever want to try and go professional.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Why doesn’t Bob just sign them to Hellfire Records.”
Well, you see, as I mentioned before, Bob is now in the coffee business, and has no interest in returning to the music business, as far as I know.
Hellfire Records is closed until further notice.
Robyn has grown up to be a very caring, loving woman. She’s now in her early Thirties, and working at the local ASPCA. She loves animals. She is also dating a guy named Jimmy, who works at the ASPCA as well.
Calypso had to be home schooled, for obvious reasons, and is now in her thirties as well.
She is very mild mannered, not flirtatious at all. She likes being single, and intends to stay that way.
She assists Robyn at the ASPCA.
Robyn believes all the cats and dogs accept Calypso, as one of their own, because she has a tail, just like they do.
Robyn and Calypso share an apartment together, in the next town over, and have been best friends since infancy.
Tony joined The Richard Simmons Workout Club, back when he teamed up with Ricky. I don’t know the real name of it.
Anyway, he appeared in one of Richard’s “Sweatin’ To The Oldies” Videos, and has lost over 130 pounds.
He’s kept the weight off, and goes to the gym 4 nights a week now.
Bob stops by every now and then, to check up on everyone, and to say Hi!
Business is going good, Hell business that is, as I’m sure you can figure that out for yourselves, with the way the world has been going lately.
The coffee business is going good as well.
I never saw the old man again though. Bob said he’s still upset about me ruining his perfect track record.
Donna and I are still going strong.
She never worked, because I could afford her not to.
She does volunteer work at the local homeless shelter, now that Robyn is grown.
A few years back, she became very obsessed with something she calls, “Pioneer Woman”.
The whole house is decorated in “Pioneer Woman” stuff.
She has a massive collection, collecting multiples of each thing.
Numerous Rolling pins, numerous salt and pepper shakers, numerous plate and dish sets.
She’s even got “Pioneer Woman” towels in the bathroom, and has every comforter and sheets set that there is to offer.
Right now she has a “Vintage Floral” Comforter and sheet set on the bed. It’s her favorite design of hers.
It’s really not my style, but it’s her house, so she can do with it what she wants.
I haven’t really used my “gift” too much over the past 30 years, except for in the moment kind of things. If I’m too tired to get up and make a cup of coffee, I’ll “want” a cup of coffee, or if I don’t feel like going to the gas station and filling up the cars, I’ll “want” a full tank of gas, things. like that.
I started writing again a few years back, not songs this time, but stories, some true, some not.
This one is 100% true.
I discovered a forum called Reddit, and have been posting my stories on various subreddits there.
Damn… Someone just knocked on the door… hold on a second. I’ll be right back…
Hey ya’ll. I’m back. That was Bob!
He just showed up, in an even longer limousine this time.
Now! Have I got some good news to share with you.
Bob just informed Donna and I, that 80s Metal is making a comeback, as multiple bands from our era have started touring again, and that they are selling out each show.
Def Leppard, Guns & Roses, RATT, Motley Crue, well, Motley Crue never stopped touring, but you get the idea, Right?
Anyway, He said he wanted, no pun intended, to see if we would be interested in touring again, and possibly recording another album, at Hellfire studios, if the tour goes good, since he has people to run his coffee business, and that he kinda missed the old times.
“Hell, Yeah!!”, we said in unison.
Bob promised, no soul sucking box behind the drum kit this time.
He also said that he already talked to Edgar and Rebecca, as well as Robyn, Jimmy, Calypso, Tony, and Ricky, my old friend Ricky.
Bob got his phone number when he came to play on the album.
Bob said that the original Ricky said No, saying that his Pops was now in his 80’s, has had some major health issues, and that he did not want to leave alone him in that condition, but promised to keep us all informed.
We all completely understood.
I hope everything is okay, Mr. Bellington.
Anyway, everyone else agreed, and are all waiting in the limo for us.
Jimmy is Robyn’s boyfriend, in case you forgot.
Anyway, He also said he contacted Stephen, I don’t know how, and that he’s all in as well, but only if Cindy can come along for the ride.
Apparently, Cindy is the name of his girlfriend.
Bob agreed, everyone else did too, including us.
We’re heading to Kansas to pick them up, as soon as I’m finished here, then we’re off to Washington DC, to try and find Derek and Corey. It won’t be hard, as long as I “want” to find them.
Wish us luck anyway!
Yeah, Baby! We’re getting the band back together. I’m so excited.
I’ll tell everyone you said Hi.
Rock and Roll!
I threw up the horns when I said that.
I’ll let you know if anything interesting happens.
Oh, Hey Janice.
Shit! The dogs! What are we going to do with the dogs?
Are any of you interested in watching the Hell Hounds for us while we’re gone?
Never mind, we’ll take them with us. I don’t think anyone will mind. Their good dogs!
C’mon Guys. Bill! Janice! Let’s go bye-byes.
Are you ready, Babe?… Here, I’ll take that.
I gotta go y’all.
Axel! We’ll be back.
Later, Dudes And Dudettes!

Live music

• Vange Durst, Blue Crab Festival 2024, 11:00 am – 12:50 pm
• Joshua "Tennessee" Worthy, Pierre's Pub, 11:00 am – 2:00 pm
• Claire Vandiver, Crabby's Beachside, 12:00 pm – 3:00 pm
• Eric Groves, Mill Top Tavern, 12:00 pm – 4:00 pm
• Musical Charis, Blue Crab Festival 2024, 12:50 pm – 2:15 pm
• Caleb Joye, The Cellar Upstairs Wine Bar & Restaurant, 1:00 pm – 4:00 pm
• Heather Craig, Backyard Island Cafe at Meehan's, 1:00 pm – 5:00 pm
• Josh Ford, PENUMBRA: Festival of Shadow and Light, 1:00 pm – 4:00 pm
• Jolie, Bin 39 Wine Bar, 1:00 pm – 4:00 pm
• Christian Powers, Pierre's Pub, 2:00 pm – 6:00 pm
• TR Zielinski, Colonial Oak Music Park, 2:00 pm – 5:00 pm
• Dewey Via, Colonial Oak Music Park, 2:00 pm – 5:00 pm
• Groove Coalition, Blue Crab Festival 2024, 2:15 pm – 3:45 pm
• Yael & Gabriel, Casa de Vino 57, 2:30 pm – 5:30 pm
• Clairemont Duo, Blue Crab Festival 2024, 3:45 pm – 5:15 pm
• Contact Buzz, Oasis Deck & Restaurant, 5:00 pm – 9:00 am
• Reggie Starrett, DJ's Clam Shack, 5:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Fond Kiser, Crabby's Beachside, 5:00 pm – 8:00 pm
• The Kreepy Tikis, Marina Munch, 5:00 pm – 8:00 pm
• Chillula, Blue Crab Festival 2024, 5:15 pm – 6:30 pm
• Amy Hendrickson, O.C. White's Seafood, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Aaron Esposito, AJ's Kitchen & Cocktails, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Yael & Gabriel, Harry's Seafood Bar & Grille, 6:00 pm – 10:00 pm
• Caleb Joye, Mellow Mushroom — St. Johns, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Denny Blue, Guy Harvey Resort, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Tony Scozzaro, The Cellar Upstairs Wine Bar & Restaurant, 6:00 pm – 10:00 pm
• JC Hatfield Trio, Kingfish Grill, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Walt Kulwicki, Hurricane Grill & Wings, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Teal Cabana Club Band, Fuzion 904 Eatery, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• New Guys on the Dock, Hurricane Patty's Bar and Grill, 6:00 pm – 9:30 pm
• Ramona, Blue Crab Festival 2024, 6:30 pm – 7:45 pm
• Julie Papili, Pierre's Pub, 7:00 pm – 11:00 pm
• Smokestack, Colonial Oak Music Park, 7:00 pm – 10:00 pm
• Brian Rowland, Donovan's Irish Pub, 7:00 pm – 10:00 pm
• Randy Houser, Concerts for a Cause: Randy Houser, 7:00 pm – 10:00 pm
• Smokin' Joe Schauer, Meehan's Irish Pub & Seafood House, 8:00 pm – 11:55 pm
• Mandalla Music, Prohibition Kitchen, 10:00 pm – 12:00 am

Cars & Coffee

• Created as a way for car lovers to socialize with other car enthusiasts, Cars & Coffee brings people together around a common interest. The Classic Car Museum hosts locals and visitors on the fourth Saturday of each month for a morning meet-and-greet. Guests bond over coffee while discussing, admiring, and learning about classic cars. Local car businesses and experts usually add to the lively conversations.
• Cars & Coffee promises free coffee and donuts every fourth Saturday.
• Admission: Free for the outdoor event; admission to the museum is half-price.
• When: 8:00 to 10:00 a.m., on the fourth Saturday of the month, except December.
• Where: The Classic Car Museum of St. Augustine is located at 4730 US-1 in St. Augustine, Florida 32086.

Amphitheatre Farmers Market

• The St. Augustine Amphitheatre Farmers Market offers visitors a variety of goods such as local fresh produce, handmade arts and crafts, baked goods, plants directly off the farm, freshly-caught seafood, cheeses, and more. The farmers market makes for a morning of family-friendly fun with live entertainment on select dates.
• In addition to the impressive variety of organic produce offered by local farmers, a number of local artists and craftspeople also display their wares at the market.
• Admission: FREE
• Where: St. Augustine Amphitheatre located at 1340 A1A South St. Augustine, FL 32080.
• When: Every Saturday morning from 8:30 am - 12:30 pm.

PENUMBRA: Festival of Shadow and Light

Poetry In Motion Productions presents PENUMBRA: Festival of Shadow and Light at the St. Johns County Fairground on Saturday, May 25, 2024 from 10:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m.
This festival celebrates a diverse array of performing arts, featuring musicians, authors, actors, dancers, and more. During the day, guests explore a world of fantasy and whimsy, with music, dance, aerial acrobatics, and various food and beverages. Guests are encouraged to come dressed in their best costume and become part of the festivities!
As the sun sets, the festival guests can expect a darker, more mysterious atmosphere. The shadows as the festival takes on an eerie tone, with fire, smoke, and peculiar celebrations. PENUMBRA welcomes those who revel in the strange, fantastic, and gothic, offering a space to embrace their true selves where light and shadow meet.

Event Information:

Performers

• Ancient City Siren Fire Dancers
• Bloom Movement Artistry
• Binky the post-apocalyptic clown
• Boom Boom Bunny La Roux
• Chase Ryland Band (Concert)
• Coral Reef Mermaids
• Dadician the Magician as Willy Funka (Magic Show)
• Destiny Sparks
• DJ Loki (Industrial Goth Dance Party)
• Josh Ford (Concert)
• Lucy Lind (Concert)
• Maximum Chaos
• Music is Medicine (Improv Drum Jam and Dance)
• Randy Elvis (Concert)
• SKOGARMAOR (Concert)
• Siren Belladonna
• Trip Sobriety (Concert)

Vendors

• A Touch of Funk
• Finklepott's Fairy Hair
• Hellthy
• Kylie's Face Paint and Henna Tattoos
• Rivera's Soft Cool Off
• S.L. Thorne (Author)
• Tink's Mystical Supplies

Admission: Admission fees are $13.00 for individuals aged 21 and older, $7.00 for those aged 14-20, and free for children aged 0-13, as well as military personnel, first responders, St. Johns County employees, and seniors aged 65 and above. There's also a cash discount available at the gate. Tickets are available for purchase online as well.
When: Saturday, May 25, 2024, from 10:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. NOTE: After 5:00 p.m., the event caters to an adult audience.
Where: St Johns County Fairgrounds, 5840 FL-207 E, Elkton, Florida 32033

Blackwater Sol Revue at The St. Augustine Amphitheatre

• The JJ Grey's Blackwater Sol Revue, presented by The St. Augustine Amphitheatre and Anastasia State Park, performs on Saturday and Sunday, May 25 and 26, 2024. Featuring a stellar lineup including JJ Grey & Mofro, Lucero, The Allman Betts Band, American Aquarium, G. Love & Special Sauce, Satsang, and Anders Osborne, the event promises a weekend of musical brilliance. Doors open at 4:00 p.m.
• In collaboration with Friends of Anastasia State Park, the Blackwater SOL Revue blends rock and blues with a soulful touch. Headlining the festival is the esteemed North Florida sage, JJ Grey, and his band Mofro, consisting of Eric Brigmond, Marcus Parsley, Dennis Marion, Craig Barnette, Peter Winders, and Todd Smallie, delivering the timeless tradition of swamp blues.
• Hailing from Memphis, Lucero creates a genre-defying sound by merging country, rock, and soul. Since their formation in 1998, Lucero has left a mark with hits like "My Best Girl" and "Smoke."
• The Allman Betts Band, formed in 2018, brings together talents like Devon Allman, Duane Betts, Johnny Stachels, John Ginty, R. Scott Bryan, and John Lum. With globally recognized original songs, their albums Bless Your Heart and Down to the River continue to captivate audiences.
• American Aquarium, known for their celebrated album Burn. Flicker. Die., stands out with original lyrics and gritty beats. Albums like Small Time Hymns, Wolves, and the Lamentations contribute to their compelling discography.
• G. Love & Special Sauce, formed two decades ago, has toured with luminaries like Jack Johnson, Lucinda Williams, and David Hidalgo. Their extensive discography includes albums like G. Love and Special Sauce, Coast to Coast Motel, Yeah, It's That Easy, Electric Mile, Superhero Brother, and the latest Philadelphia Mississippi.
• Satsang, with its laid-back, soulful, and melodic vibes, uplifts and evokes emotions through self-recorded and produced tracks. Albums like The Story of You, Pyramids, Kulture, Flowers in the Fray, and Morning Light showcase the beauty of life's journey.
• Influenced by legends like Ray Charles and Robert Johnson, Anders Osborne crafts signature hits in blues, rock and roll, and Americana. With a discography dating back to 1989, albums like Doin' Fine, Break The Chain, Which Way To Here, Living Room, Ash Wednesday Blues, Coming Down, Space Dust & Ocean Views, and Orpheus and the Mermaids showcase his musical prowess.
• Admission: Ticket prices range from $60.50 to $257.00. Tickets can be purchased online or at the St. Augustine Amphitheatre Box Office, which is open on Thursdays and Fridays from 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. and on Saturdays from 8:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. The box office only accepts payments by debit and credit card.
• When: Saturday and Sunday, May 25 and 26, 2024, at 4:00 p.m.
• Where: St. Augustine Amphitheatre is located at 1340 A1A South in St. Augustine, Florida 32080.
• Parking Information: The Amp St. Augustine is located on Anastasia Island next to Anastasia State Park. Limited paid parking is available in The Amp's Main Lot, but only with advance purchase of a Premium Parking ticket. Free satellite parking areas are located within one mile of the Amphitheatre, at R.B. Hunt Elementary, and at Anastasia State Park (see map below).
• Shuttle Information: The St. Augustine Amphitheatre shuttle system begins its run 45 minutes before show time. The shuttle will pick up event patrons at four designated shuttle stops: the R.B. Hunt Elementary School Soccer Field, the west entrance of the Anastasia State Park Main Parking Lot, the Loop at the Anastasia State Park, and the entrance of the St. Augustine Amphitheatre. To see the full shuttle route, please see the map below.
• Shuttles will run continuously until approximately 45 minutes after the scheduled start time of a concert. If anyone wants to leave before the end of a show, shuttles will begin taking people back to the satellite parking areas one hour before the event is over. The driver will not depart from the Amphitheatre until the shuttle is more than 50% full.

GTM Research Reserve Beach Clean Up

• Join Guana Tolomato Matanzas National Estuarine Research Reserve (GTM) for a beach cleanup on every fourth Saturday of the month. Enjoy coastal views while helping remove debris and microplastics from the beach. GTM Rangers will supply gloves and trash bags at 9:30 a.m. at a different meeting location each month.

I am unable to post the sources because they are getting flagged as spam since they are all similar in name. So please visit this site for the list.
Written out urls here tinyurl.com/yjkw32kd

For future events please visit the Discord.

https://discord.gg/NG4eZSWAgR

Live music

• Vange Durst, Blue Crab Festival 2024, 11:00 am – 12:50 pm
• Joshua "Tennessee" Worthy, Pierre's Pub, 11:00 am – 2:00 pm
• Claire Vandiver, Crabby's Beachside, 12:00 pm – 3:00 pm
• Eric Groves, Mill Top Tavern, 12:00 pm – 4:00 pm
• Musical Charis, Blue Crab Festival 2024, 12:50 pm – 2:15 pm
• Caleb Joye, The Cellar Upstairs Wine Bar & Restaurant, 1:00 pm – 4:00 pm
• Heather Craig, Backyard Island Cafe at Meehan's, 1:00 pm – 5:00 pm
• Josh Ford, PENUMBRA: Festival of Shadow and Light, 1:00 pm – 4:00 pm
• Jolie, Bin 39 Wine Bar, 1:00 pm – 4:00 pm
• Christian Powers, Pierre's Pub, 2:00 pm – 6:00 pm
• TR Zielinski, Colonial Oak Music Park, 2:00 pm – 5:00 pm
• Dewey Via, Colonial Oak Music Park, 2:00 pm – 5:00 pm
• Groove Coalition, Blue Crab Festival 2024, 2:15 pm – 3:45 pm
• Yael & Gabriel, Casa de Vino 57, 2:30 pm – 5:30 pm
• Clairemont Duo, Blue Crab Festival 2024, 3:45 pm – 5:15 pm
• Contact Buzz, Oasis Deck & Restaurant, 5:00 pm – 9:00 am
• Reggie Starrett, DJ's Clam Shack, 5:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Fond Kiser, Crabby's Beachside, 5:00 pm – 8:00 pm
• The Kreepy Tikis, Marina Munch, 5:00 pm – 8:00 pm
• Chillula, Blue Crab Festival 2024, 5:15 pm – 6:30 pm
• Amy Hendrickson, O.C. White's Seafood, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Aaron Esposito, AJ's Kitchen & Cocktails, 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
• Yael & Gabriel, Harry's Seafood Bar & Grille, 6:00 pm – 10:00 pm
• Caleb Joye, Mellow Mushroom — St. Johns, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Denny Blue, Guy Harvey Resort, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Tony Scozzaro, The Cellar Upstairs Wine Bar & Restaurant, 6:00 pm – 10:00 pm
• JC Hatfield Trio, Kingfish Grill, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Walt Kulwicki, Hurricane Grill & Wings, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• Teal Cabana Club Band, Fuzion 904 Eatery, 6:00 pm – 9:00 pm
• New Guys on the Dock, Hurricane Patty's Bar and Grill, 6:00 pm – 9:30 pm
• Ramona, Blue Crab Festival 2024, 6:30 pm – 7:45 pm
• Julie Papili, Pierre's Pub, 7:00 pm – 11:00 pm
• Smokestack, Colonial Oak Music Park, 7:00 pm – 10:00 pm
• Brian Rowland, Donovan's Irish Pub, 7:00 pm – 10:00 pm
• Randy Houser, Concerts for a Cause: Randy Houser, 7:00 pm – 10:00 pm
• Smokin' Joe Schauer, Meehan's Irish Pub & Seafood House, 8:00 pm – 11:55 pm
• Mandalla Music, Prohibition Kitchen, 10:00 pm – 12:00 am

Cars & Coffee

• Created as a way for car lovers to socialize with other car enthusiasts, Cars & Coffee brings people together around a common interest. The Classic Car Museum hosts locals and visitors on the fourth Saturday of each month for a morning meet-and-greet. Guests bond over coffee while discussing, admiring, and learning about classic cars. Local car businesses and experts usually add to the lively conversations.
• Cars & Coffee promises free coffee and donuts every fourth Saturday.
• Admission: Free for the outdoor event; admission to the museum is half-price.
• When: 8:00 to 10:00 a.m., on the fourth Saturday of the month, except December.
• Where: The Classic Car Museum of St. Augustine is located at 4730 US-1 in St. Augustine, Florida 32086.

Amphitheatre Farmers Market

• The St. Augustine Amphitheatre Farmers Market offers visitors a variety of goods such as local fresh produce, handmade arts and crafts, baked goods, plants directly off the farm, freshly-caught seafood, cheeses, and more. The farmers market makes for a morning of family-friendly fun with live entertainment on select dates.
• In addition to the impressive variety of organic produce offered by local farmers, a number of local artists and craftspeople also display their wares at the market.
• Admission: FREE
• Where: St. Augustine Amphitheatre located at 1340 A1A South St. Augustine, FL 32080.
• When: Every Saturday morning from 8:30 am - 12:30 pm.

PENUMBRA: Festival of Shadow and Light

Poetry In Motion Productions presents PENUMBRA: Festival of Shadow and Light at the St. Johns County Fairground on Saturday, May 25, 2024 from 10:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m.
This festival celebrates a diverse array of performing arts, featuring musicians, authors, actors, dancers, and more. During the day, guests explore a world of fantasy and whimsy, with music, dance, aerial acrobatics, and various food and beverages. Guests are encouraged to come dressed in their best costume and become part of the festivities!
As the sun sets, the festival guests can expect a darker, more mysterious atmosphere. The shadows as the festival takes on an eerie tone, with fire, smoke, and peculiar celebrations. PENUMBRA welcomes those who revel in the strange, fantastic, and gothic, offering a space to embrace their true selves where light and shadow meet.

Event Information:

Performers

• Ancient City Siren Fire Dancers
• Bloom Movement Artistry
• Binky the post-apocalyptic clown
• Boom Boom Bunny La Roux
• Chase Ryland Band (Concert)
• Coral Reef Mermaids
• Dadician the Magician as Willy Funka (Magic Show)
• Destiny Sparks
• DJ Loki (Industrial Goth Dance Party)
• Josh Ford (Concert)
• Lucy Lind (Concert)
• Maximum Chaos
• Music is Medicine (Improv Drum Jam and Dance)
• Randy Elvis (Concert)
• SKOGARMAOR (Concert)
• Siren Belladonna
• Trip Sobriety (Concert)

Vendors

• A Touch of Funk
• Finklepott's Fairy Hair
• Hellthy
• Kylie's Face Paint and Henna Tattoos
• Rivera's Soft Cool Off
• S.L. Thorne (Author)
• Tink's Mystical Supplies

Admission: Admission fees are $13.00 for individuals aged 21 and older, $7.00 for those aged 14-20, and free for children aged 0-13, as well as military personnel, first responders, St. Johns County employees, and seniors aged 65 and above. There's also a cash discount available at the gate. Tickets are available for purchase online as well.
When: Saturday, May 25, 2024, from 10:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. NOTE: After 5:00 p.m., the event caters to an adult audience.
Where: St Johns County Fairgrounds, 5840 FL-207 E, Elkton, Florida 32033

Blackwater Sol Revue at The St. Augustine Amphitheatre

• The JJ Grey's Blackwater Sol Revue, presented by The St. Augustine Amphitheatre and Anastasia State Park, performs on Saturday and Sunday, May 25 and 26, 2024. Featuring a stellar lineup including JJ Grey & Mofro, Lucero, The Allman Betts Band, American Aquarium, G. Love & Special Sauce, Satsang, and Anders Osborne, the event promises a weekend of musical brilliance. Doors open at 4:00 p.m.
• In collaboration with Friends of Anastasia State Park, the Blackwater SOL Revue blends rock and blues with a soulful touch. Headlining the festival is the esteemed North Florida sage, JJ Grey, and his band Mofro, consisting of Eric Brigmond, Marcus Parsley, Dennis Marion, Craig Barnette, Peter Winders, and Todd Smallie, delivering the timeless tradition of swamp blues.
• Hailing from Memphis, Lucero creates a genre-defying sound by merging country, rock, and soul. Since their formation in 1998, Lucero has left a mark with hits like "My Best Girl" and "Smoke."
• The Allman Betts Band, formed in 2018, brings together talents like Devon Allman, Duane Betts, Johnny Stachels, John Ginty, R. Scott Bryan, and John Lum. With globally recognized original songs, their albums Bless Your Heart and Down to the River continue to captivate audiences.
• American Aquarium, known for their celebrated album Burn. Flicker. Die., stands out with original lyrics and gritty beats. Albums like Small Time Hymns, Wolves, and the Lamentations contribute to their compelling discography.
• G. Love & Special Sauce, formed two decades ago, has toured with luminaries like Jack Johnson, Lucinda Williams, and David Hidalgo. Their extensive discography includes albums like G. Love and Special Sauce, Coast to Coast Motel, Yeah, It's That Easy, Electric Mile, Superhero Brother, and the latest Philadelphia Mississippi.
• Satsang, with its laid-back, soulful, and melodic vibes, uplifts and evokes emotions through self-recorded and produced tracks. Albums like The Story of You, Pyramids, Kulture, Flowers in the Fray, and Morning Light showcase the beauty of life's journey.
• Influenced by legends like Ray Charles and Robert Johnson, Anders Osborne crafts signature hits in blues, rock and roll, and Americana. With a discography dating back to 1989, albums like Doin' Fine, Break The Chain, Which Way To Here, Living Room, Ash Wednesday Blues, Coming Down, Space Dust & Ocean Views, and Orpheus and the Mermaids showcase his musical prowess.
• Admission: Ticket prices range from $60.50 to $257.00. Tickets can be purchased online or at the St. Augustine Amphitheatre Box Office, which is open on Thursdays and Fridays from 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. and on Saturdays from 8:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. The box office only accepts payments by debit and credit card.
• When: Saturday and Sunday, May 25 and 26, 2024, at 4:00 p.m.
• Where: St. Augustine Amphitheatre is located at 1340 A1A South in St. Augustine, Florida 32080.
• Parking Information: The Amp St. Augustine is located on Anastasia Island next to Anastasia State Park. Limited paid parking is available in The Amp's Main Lot, but only with advance purchase of a Premium Parking ticket. Free satellite parking areas are located within one mile of the Amphitheatre, at R.B. Hunt Elementary, and at Anastasia State Park (see map below).
• Shuttle Information: The St. Augustine Amphitheatre shuttle system begins its run 45 minutes before show time. The shuttle will pick up event patrons at four designated shuttle stops: the R.B. Hunt Elementary School Soccer Field, the west entrance of the Anastasia State Park Main Parking Lot, the Loop at the Anastasia State Park, and the entrance of the St. Augustine Amphitheatre. To see the full shuttle route, please see the map below.
• Shuttles will run continuously until approximately 45 minutes after the scheduled start time of a concert. If anyone wants to leave before the end of a show, shuttles will begin taking people back to the satellite parking areas one hour before the event is over. The driver will not depart from the Amphitheatre until the shuttle is more than 50% full.

GTM Research Reserve Beach Clean Up

• Join Guana Tolomato Matanzas National Estuarine Research Reserve (GTM) for a beach cleanup on every fourth Saturday of the month. Enjoy coastal views while helping remove debris and microplastics from the beach. GTM Rangers will supply gloves and trash bags at 9:30 a.m. at a different meeting location each month.

I am unable to post the sources because they are getting flagged as spam since they are all similar in name. So please visit this site for the list.
Written out urls here tinyurl.com/yjkw32kd

For future events please visit the Discord.

https://discord.gg/NG4eZSWAgR

“Psst! Psst! Mr. Hard-Sell! Wake Up!”, I heard Bob say, waking me up.
I groggily opened my eyes, and lifted my head off the pillow, to see Bob and the Seeker standing side by side in front of my dresser.
I quickly rolled on my back, and sat up, turning my head to look at them
I then looked to my left to see Donna still sleeping.
I looked back, and asked, wiping my eyes, “Bob? What are you two doing in our bedroom?”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Hard-Sell! It is time!”, Bob said coldly.
The Seeker just smiled.
I then took a look at my arm… 14 minutes, 37 seconds, and counting.
I put my hands over my face, and let my body fall back onto the bed.
I knew this day would come, I was just hoping that with all the wild and crazy adventures we had together, they forgot. They didn’t.
I guess the sudden jolt of the mattress, jarred Donna awake.
“Michael! What’s wrong?”, she asked, half asleep.
I just sighed, and pointed toward the dresser.
Donna then raised her head, leaned up on her arm, and looked in that direction.
“Bob? Old Man?”, she said surprised, pulling the blankets up around her neck, “Why are you in our bedroom?”
“Donna Dear! I’m afraid… it is time!”, Bob answered again.
“Time for what?”, she asked confused.
“You didn’t tell her, Mr. Hard-Sell?”, Bob inquired.
“Tell me what?”, Donna asked worried.
I just sighed, sat back up, and looked at Bob.
“Tell me what?”, she asked again, more intense this time, and pulling on my arm.
I turned to look at her, as she let go of my arm.
“Um! You see, Babe. Um! Seven years ago, I met the old man in the bathroom at the mall. I was wearing that jacket of mine that you like so much. He asked me if I would sell my soul for Rock and Roll like the jacket said.
I foolishly said yes, thinking he was just some random old man fucking with me. He wasn’t. He was, and still is, a Soul Seeker.
I inadvertently sold my soul, which allowed me to get anything I wanted for the next seven years, but at the end, I had to spend eternity in Hell.
There’s a counter on my arm that tells me how much time I have left.
I wanted to become a Rock Star, and I did, but now my time is up.”, I said, “I have to go to Hell now! Well, in 9 minutes and 42 seconds.”
“I don’t see anything on your arm?”, Donna said almost in tears.
“You won’t, only Bob and I can see it.”, I answered.
I then turned to Bob, and asked, “Why didn’t you just let the timer count down, and take me while I was sleeping?”, I asked
“I like you, Mr. Hard-Sell, I really do. I do not want to do this, but a deal is a deal.
I normally would have done just that, but like I said, I like you. I feel I at least owe you the opportunity to say goodbye, after all you have helped me do!”, Bob answered.
I then turned to Donna, who was fully in tears at this point
“No! I don’t want you to go. What about the baby? I wish this wasn’t happening!”, she said, through falling tears, with her hands covering her face.
I put my arm around her to try and console her, but she pulled away.
I couldn’t really blame her.
Her words were tearing through me, like a Langolier through time past.
But it also got me thinking, “Want? Wish?”
“Wait a minute… maybe there IS a way out of this”, I thought.
I closed my eyes and whispered, “God! I hope this works!”
“I have 2 minutes and 7 seconds left, I can still get anything I want, and you still owe me a wish!”, I said pointing at Bob.
His eyes grew wide, and a smile loosely formed on his face, like he knew where I was going with this.
I quickly began listing off all the things I wanted, in rapid fire style.
“I want to grow old with Donna . I want our baby to be healthy.
I want to keep all the money.
I want to keep the house.
I want to keep the cars.
I want to keep the ability to get anything I want.
I want to own the bus that Mr. Bellington gave me.
I want Ricky and Tony to be successful.
I want Derek and Corey to succeed.
I want Stephen to find happiness.
I want Rebecca and Donna to remain best friends.
I want Edgar to learn how to play the keyboards.”
I then hesitated, breathing heavy.
15 seconds…
I then took the deepest breath I could.
“AND I WISH I HAD MY SOUL BACK!”, I yelled, and looked down at my arm.
10 seconds...
“You can’t do that!”, the Seeker yelled.
“A wish is a wish! Now grant it!”, I yelled to Bob.
Bob just stood there.
5 seconds…
“You owe me that wish!”, I yelled.
3 seconds…
2 seconds…
1 second…
That loosely formed smile then formed into a happy one, as Bob snapped his fingers.
In mid snap, time ran out, as flames began bursting up from the floor.
I then heard Donna scream.
I turned to look at her, as her face and body quickly began melting into a large pile of a flesh colored goo on the bed.
I screamed, and looked at Bob and The Seeker. They were just standing there, in the midst of the flames.
I then felt the bed give way underneath me.
I felt my body falling… falling into the firey pits of Hell.
I felt every molecule in my body slowly breaking apart, starting with my hands and feet, floating like embers at a campfire, right in front of my eyes, just like it did, when Bob transported Tony and I from the basement to the alley.
The pain was immense, and the heat was unbearable.
I could hear flames crackling, and blood curdling torturous screams from below, as my body disintegrated.
I screamed again.
Suddenly, a huge bright white mist, resembling the one that the Seeker sucked out of me, when I first went to hell, and he took my soul, appeared out of nowhere, and was barreling at me fast. It slammed hard into my chest, just as my upper torso was beginning to break apart.
Everything went black.
The next thing I knew, my body slammed back together again, and I was ascending upward through the flames, engulfed in the white mist.
I closed my eyes.
The moment I did, I felt my body slam down hard on the mattress.
I bounced off the bed, and onto the floor, still screaming.
“Michael! Are you ok? What happened?”, I heard Donna say.
At least it was her voice.
I opened my eyes, as I got up on my hands and knees.
I then looked at my arm.
There was nothing there.
I stayed there, on my hands and knees, thinking.
“I’ve always heard that Hell is a repetitious loop of the one thing that you fear the most.
Mine was losing Donna and the baby.
Am I going to relive that moment over and over again for all of eternity?”, I thought, “Is that my Hell?”
I closed my eyes, sighed, and opened them again.
When I did, I saw the tips of Bob’s Black wing tipped shoes come into view.
I then looked up.
“Ta-da!”, Bob said… “Well played, Mr. Hard-Sell… Well played!”, as he extended his right hand to me.
I hesitantly grabbed it.
He then helped me to my feet.
The bedroom was completely intact.
“Am I in Hell?”, I asked Bob.
“No, Michael! You are here in the real world, in your house, with Donna, and your unborn child.”, he replied smiling.
Donna then came running, well, briskly walking, 4 months pregnant, remember?
Anyway, she came around the side of the bed, in her nightgown, and bear hugged me, almost knocking me over.
I hugged her back.
She then let go of me, and punched me in the arm, hard.
It hurt a little, reminding me not to piss her off again.
“You are an asshole, Michael! Don’t you do that to me again!”, she said, then kissed me.
After the kiss, I touched her face, to see if she was real. She was.
I then looked at Bob.
“You called me Michael!”, I said, “Why?”
“That is your name!”, he replied.
“You have called me, Mr. Hard-Sell, for the last 6 and a half years, no sense in stopping now.”, I retorted.
“Very Well! Mr. Hard-Sell it is.”, Bob said smiling, “Now, Let’s talk!”, he said.
“Can we get dressed first?”, I asked.
“Absolutely! Do you have any Red wine?”, he asked.
“No, Bob! We don’t drink!”, I answered.
“Very well then!”, Bob said, “I shall meet you in the dining area! Which way is that?”
“Down the hall, down the stairs, make a right, and you’ll run right into it.”, Donna answered.
“Thank you!”, Bob replied, and walked out of the bedroom door.
We both then got dressed, and walked downstairs to meet Bob.
We arrived to find him, sitting at the table, twiddling his thumbs.
I then looked out of the dining room window, to see our bus, sitting in the driveway, next to my Mustang.
I smiled.
I then turned to Bob, “Where’s the Seeker?”, I asked.
“He was upset, that I gave you your soul back, and used some rather distasteful words, directed at me, so I gave him a few go rounds on my little rollercoaster. That’s should calm him down.”, Bob answered.
“Okay, Bob! Um! What’s up?”, I asked, sitting down, while Donna went to make a pot of coffee.
“Mr. Hard-Sell! I am so glad it ended up this way. I did not want to do that to you. But let me ask you this, Did you know what you were going to do with that wish when you said you would, and I quote, I’ll reserve my wish for another time, end quote?”, Bob asked.
“No! Not really! I just knew it would be good to have in my back pocket, but I didn’t know what I was going to do with it, until today!”, I responded.
“You know, Mr. Hard-Sell, through all my many years of existence, there have only been two people to ever beat me at my own game… the first was Jesus Christ, and the second was you!”, he said, “Not to say that you are Christ-like, because you are not, but I am glad you succeeded in getting your soul back.
Donna then returned, “Coffee’s going!”, she said, as I got up, pulled out the chair next to me, for her, then sat back down.
Bob then continued, “Now, as I have said numerous times before, I like you, I really do, so I assure you both, that you’re little girl, yes, it is a girl!”
Donna then smiled from ear to ear.
“Yes!”, she said.
“Your little girl, will want for nothing. If you can not provide it for her, Good ole Uncle Bob will. I promise you that.”, Bob said.
“Thanks, Bob!”, we both said in unison.
“I’ll go check on the coffee!”, Donna said, getting up and walking to the kitchen.
“Is this the end, Bob? Will I ever see you again after this?”, I asked.
“Oh, yes, Mr. Hard-Sell, and, No, it is not the end. I plan to keep a close eye on all of you! I will not interfere with your lives, but I will always be there, if you ever need me!”, he answered.
Donna then returned with three cups of coffee, a pitcher of cream, and a bowl of sugar, with a spoon.
“Would you like some coffee, Bob?”, she asked.
“Is it hot? I like hot!”, he asked.
“Yes”, she replied.
“Then, Yes! I have never had coffee before. But there is a first time for everything!”, he said laughing.
“How do you make it?”, he asked.
“We have a coffee pot! You know what a coffee pot is, right?”, I stupidly asked.
“Yes, Mr. Hard-Sell, I have equipped many different vehicles with one for your enjoyment, and watched you make it many many times.”, he answered, “I meant, how do you prepare it?”
“Oh! I put a little cream, and 2 sugars in mine!”, I answered, “Donna likes it black with sugar!”
“I’ll take it like that!”, he said.
Donna then prepared my cup, her cup, and his cup, and placed them all in front of us.
Bob then took a sip.
“Oh, this is most excellent! I love it! It burns, and is soothing at the same time!”, he said, “I’ve done the music business, now I think I’ll get into the coffee business. But what to call it! Help me here!”, he said.
“Um, Hell’s Brew!”, I said.
“For a songwriter, you are bad with words. No, nothing Hell related! I Got it! Keurig, which means excellence in Dutch. What do you think?”
It’s catchy!”, Donna said.
“I can create my own machine, offer single serve portions, in little plastic cups, I think I will call them K-Cups, charge an outrageous price for them, humans will go crazy to get them, and every coffee company in the world will copy my cup design, and offer their own brand of coffee to be used in my machine, for a price that is. It’s brilliant.
Oh, I must get started on this right away. I really must be going. Thank you for the coffee. I bid you both ado”, then he left.
How did he leave?… C’mon, you remember!… Keep thinking!…That’s right!…
He snapped his fingers, and disappeared into a cloud of gray smoke.
I knew you’ve been paying attention.
Two weeks later, human time, I saw the first Keurig commercial on TV.
Anyway, Bob gave us an endless, lifetime supply of K-Cups, any flavor, gets us all the new machines, as well as let’s us be the taste testers for any and all new coffee blends. It’s great.
Donna likes the iced coffees, I prefer it hot.
Anyway, Donna gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl, about 5 months later.
We decided to name her Robyn, after Bob, who’s first name is actually Robert, remember?
Robert… Robyn… Get it. Good.
Everyone was there at the hospital, except Derek and Corey, obviously, and Stephen, who was off touring the country.
Edgar and Rebecca informed us that they too were going to have a baby, and that Bob was a proud grandpa.
They decided to name her Calypso, meaning she who hides.
We brought Robyn home about a week later.
About 6 months after that, human time, there was a knock on the door. I opened it up to see Edgar and Rebecca standing there, with Rebecca holding a 3 month old, human time, bouncing baby demon succubus girl.
I don’t know how old she was in Hell time.
With them were two humongous Great Danes. Edgar explained that they were Hell Hounds, and were specifically trained to protect their person, or persons.
One was named Bill, and the other was named Janice.
Donna and Baby Robyn then joined me at the door.
“Rebecca!”, Donna yelled.
“Bestie!”, Rebecca yelled
They then ran to each other and hugged, trying not to squash the babies in between them.
When the hugfest was over, Donna, Rebecca, and the babies went inside, leaving Edgar, myself, and the two dogs, standing on the front steps.
I asked Edgar why the dogs had people names instead of animal names.
He said, “Imagine you are at home alone! Someone breaks in, and threatens to kill you. If you call out, Demon, or Hellion, they are going to know you’re calling dogs, and they will prepare for dogs. But if you call, Bill, or Janice, followed by their “GO” word. They are going to think that you’re scared and calling your overweight uncle, or your petite little girlfriend, and blow it off. They won’t be expecting 2 200 pound pissed off Hell Hounds coming at them”
It kinda made sense.
He then told me that they were a present from Bob to the two of us, and Robyn, as he leaned up, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and whispered in my ear, “Their “GO” word is OPPUGNATIO, which means attack in Latin. Remember that word… OPPUGNATIO! I don’t want to say it too loud. I don’t want them to hear it, and kill us all.”
I mouthed the word to myself, and said, “Thanks! I’ll tell Donna later.”
I then asked who was going to protect him and Rebecca.
He said, “If anyone breaks in, Rebecca will use her seduction abilities to draw them near. When their guard is down, I will rip their heads off, and feast on their flesh, chewing and chomping their bones, inner organs, muscles, and fatty tissue, until there’s nothing left of them, but a burp!”
He got real intense at the end there. It scared me a little, especially when he laughed.
“Oh! At least you have a plan!”, I responded.
“Yeah! We’ve been talking about it for a while. Here you go!”, he said, handing me the leashes.
One of the dogs then barked, I think it was Bill, followed by a tiny puff of gray smoke exiting his mouth.
“Thanks Bob!”, I whispered.
I then invited Edgar inside, leading the dogs in as well.
We found Donna and Rebecca sitting at the dining room table, and the babies in the play pen nearby.
The dogs sat in the corner watching us.
We then resumed our conversation.
“What about Axel?”, Donna said, looking at the dogs, “Won’t they kill her?”
“No! Hell Hounds do not see cats as a threat, like normal canines do. They will probably get along really well!”, Edgar responded.
And they did.
Bill and Janice were very emotional the day that Axel passed, and even to this day, lay out by the tree we planted over the spot where we buried Axel.
Axel is still around though.
Occasionally, we’ll hear that little bell that comes on most cat toys ring, or hear the sound of a cat meowing as we’re eating dinner, or walking down the hallway.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “It’s probably just a cat outside!”
And that could be possible, when we hear a cat meow while eating dinner.
But I seriously doubt, if we’d be able to hear a bell from outside, or be able to hear a cat meow from outside, while we’re walking through an upstairs hallway, with no windows in it, and all the doors shut.
Explain that one!
Plus, Bill and Janice have been seen on multiple occasions, chasing “nothing” around the yard, or staring at the tree.
They know she’s here too.
Anyway, Edgar said all we had to do, was feed both dogs a tiny drop of blood, from each one of the three of us, just once, and that will tell them who their person, or persons are.
Now, before you go thinking that we stabbed Robyn to get her blood, or something crazy like that.
The hospital gave us a small vile of her blood, when Donna and Robyn were released. Why, I’m not really sure, but this town is a little different then most, if you haven’t heard.
Donna and I finger pricked ourselves, and dripped a little on their dog food, as well as some from Robyn’s vile, when we first fed them, and they have been loyal to us ever since.
In case you’re wondering, the Hell Hounds only eat Royal Canin Dog Food, from France.
Axel ate Royal Canin cat food, from that day on, until the day she passed.
Bob sends us a monthly shipment, even to this day.
Now, according to Rebecca, succubus births are almost immediate.
No contractions!
No epidural!
No Pain!
Nothing!
One second you’re pregnant, the next second it’s plopping on the floor. Don’t worry, the baby is protected by a Heavy duty, Gel-like webbing, when it comes out, so the baby doesn’t get hurt when it falls.
There is no time to gather family and friends, so we didn’t even know about the birth, until they showed up on our doorstep.
Now, before you start thinking that Bob freaked out, and threw them out of hell, that was not the case.
Apparently, Edgar and Rebecca, were staying with Bob, in one of his spare rooms.
Bob has a mansion in Hell, being he’s the devil and all.
They had gone out to spend time together, leaving Bob to babysit.
Now, I don’t know what there really is to do in Hell, but apparently there’s something that interests them.
Anyway, Edgar had installed surveillance cameras in their room, unbeknown to Bob, to keep an eye on the baby while they were occupied with other things.
They both checked the footage when they got home, and saw Bob dancing around in a diaper, with a bonnet on his head, and a pacifier in his mouth, trying to entertain the baby.
I cried with laughter when Edgar told me that.
Anyway, Edgar blackmailed Bob with the video, saying he would show it to everyone in Hell, if he didn’t allow him, Rebecca, and the baby, to live in the real world, and lead normal lives, also so that Rebecca could hang out with her bestie Donna.
He agreed, and even bought them a house three houses down from ours.
Rebecca got a job at the Hooters in the next town over. Sales went straight through the roof. It was always packed, and still is to this day.
The food is good, but Rebecca is the main attraction. Guys from everywhere, and a few ladies, mostly truck drivers, come to see, well, excuse my language, but… “Tits and Tail”, as they say.
She makes a killing in tips.
There’s a sign posted when you walk in, that reads, “No Tail Touching! Offenders Will Be Whipped.”
Rebecca said that she has only had to whip a couple overzealous patrons, with her tail, a couple times, in the past 30 years, and that some guys even offer her money to whip them for no reason.
She always says “No!”
Ricky gave Edgar a job at BB & T Music, as a stock clerk. He got to be really good friends with Tony, and they even perform together, Tony on the accordion, and Edgar on the keyboards, every Sunday Night, at the store, from 8 until 9, with Ricky and I sometimes joining in on guitar, but we don’t want to take the spotlight away from them. We had our time. This is theirs.
It’s amazing how many people actually show up to see them.
They decided to call themselves Accordaboard.
They do 80’s Metal covers on keyboard and accordion, just like Apocalyptica does with Cellos.
Bob offered them free use of his studio to record a demo tape, if they ever want to try and go professional.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Why doesn’t Bob just sign them to Hellfire Records.”
Well, you see, as I mentioned before, Bob is now in the coffee business, and has no interest in returning to the music business, as far as I know.
Hellfire Records is closed until further notice.
Robyn has grown up to be a very caring, loving woman. She’s now in her early Thirties, and working at the local ASPCA. She loves animals. She is also dating a guy named Jimmy, who works at the ASPCA as well.
Calypso had to be home schooled, for obvious reasons, and is now in her thirties as well.
She is very mild mannered, not flirtatious at all. She likes being single, and intends to stay that way.
She assists Robyn at the ASPCA.
Robyn believes all the cats and dogs accept Calypso, as one of their own, because she has a tail, just like they do.
Robyn and Calypso share an apartment together, in the next town over, and have been best friends since infancy.
Tony joined The Richard Simmons Workout Club, back when he teamed up with Ricky. I don’t know the real name of it.
Anyway, he appeared in one of Richard’s “Sweatin’ To The Oldies” Videos, and has lost over 130 pounds.
He’s kept the weight off, and goes to the gym 4 nights a week now.
Bob stops by every now and then, to check up on everyone, and to say Hi!
Business is going good, Hell business that is, as I’m sure you can figure that out for yourselves, with the way the world has been going lately.
The coffee business is going good as well.
I never saw the old man again though. Bob said he’s still upset about me ruining his perfect track record.
Donna and I are still going strong.
She never worked, because I could afford her not to.
She does volunteer work at the local homeless shelter, now that Robyn is grown.
A few years back, she became very obsessed with something she calls, “Pioneer Woman”.
The whole house is decorated in “Pioneer Woman” stuff.
She has a massive collection, collecting multiples of each thing.
Numerous Rolling pins, numerous salt and pepper shakers, numerous plate and dish sets.
She’s even got “Pioneer Woman” towels in the bathroom, and has every comforter and sheets set that there is to offer.
Right now she has a “Vintage Floral” Comforter and sheet set on the bed. It’s her favorite design of hers.
It’s really not my style, but it’s her house, so she can do with it what she wants.
I haven’t really used my “gift” too much over the past 30 years, except for in the moment kind of things. If I’m too tired to get up and make a cup of coffee, I’ll “want” a cup of coffee, or if I don’t feel like going to the gas station and filling up the cars, I’ll “want” a full tank of gas, things. like that.
I started writing again a few years back, not songs this time, but stories, some true, some not.
This one is 100% true.
I discovered a forum called Reddit, and have been posting my stories on various subreddits there.
Damn… Someone just knocked on the door… hold on a second. I’ll be right back…
Hey ya’ll. I’m back. That was Bob!
He just showed up, in an even longer limousine this time.
Now! Have I got some good news to share with you.
Bob just informed Donna and I, that 80s Metal is making a comeback, as multiple bands from our era have started touring again, and that they are selling out each show.
Def Leppard, Guns & Roses, RATT, Motley Crue, well, Motley Crue never stopped touring, but you get the idea, Right?
Anyway, He said he wanted, no pun intended, to see if we would be interested in touring again, and possibly recording another album, at Hellfire studios, if the tour goes good, since he has people to run his coffee business, and that he kinda missed the old times.
“Hell, Yeah!!”, we said in unison.
Bob promised, no soul sucking box behind the drum kit this time.
He also said that he already talked to Edgar and Rebecca, as well as Robyn, Jimmy, Calypso, Tony, and Ricky, my old friend Ricky.
Bob got his phone number when he came to play on the album.
Bob said that the original Ricky said No, saying that his Pops was now in his 80’s, has had some major health issues, and that he did not want to leave alone him in that condition, but promised to keep us all informed.
We all completely understood.
I hope everything is okay, Mr. Bellington.
Anyway, everyone else agreed, and are all waiting in the limo for us.
Jimmy is Robyn’s boyfriend, in case you forgot.
Anyway, He also said he contacted Stephen, I don’t know how, and that he’s all in as well, but only if Cindy can come along for the ride.
Apparently, Cindy is the name of his girlfriend.
Bob agreed, everyone else did too, including us.
We’re heading to Kansas to pick them up, as soon as I’m finished here, then we’re off to Washington DC, to try and find Derek and Corey. It won’t be hard, as long as I “want” to find them.
Wish us luck anyway!
Yeah, Baby! We’re getting the band back together. I’m so excited.
I’ll tell everyone you said Hi.
Rock and Roll!
I threw up the horns when I said that.
I’ll let you know if anything interesting happens.
Oh, Hey Janice.
Shit! The dogs! What are we going to do with the dogs?
Are any of you interested in watching the Hell Hounds for us while we’re gone?
Never mind, we’ll take them with us. I don’t think anyone will mind. Their good dogs!
C’mon Guys. Bill! Janice! Let’s go bye-byes.
Are you ready, Babe?… Here, I’ll take that.
I gotta go y’all.
Axel! We’ll be back.
Later, Dudes And Dudettes!

I then walked, past Ricky, and over to the box, stepping over the wires as I did.
Stephen saw me, stopped head banging, kept playing, and yelled, “What are you doing?”
I could barely hear him over the roar of the crowd.
I too kept playing, as I walked past him, and knelt down near the box. I then put my right ear next to one of the speakers
There was nothing coming out.
No sound!
No hum!
Nothing! At least I didn’t hear anything.
Ricky, still playing, walked over and yelled, “What the hell are you doing, Dude?”
I could barely hear him either.
I stood up, still playing, but completely confused.
“There’s nothing coming out!”, I said to Ricky.
“Let it go, Dude!”, he yelled back, shaking his head, “Rock and Roll!”, he yelled.
I figured maybe I was wrong, even though Bob lied about the box earlier.
I let it go, and began head banging, walking back to my place on stage, and getting ready for my back up part.
I looked to my right to see Derek, all the way across the stage, standing next to his microphone, and staring at me confused, as he tapped his foot to the rhythm of his bass.
Corey didn’t even notice. He was too busy singing to pay attention to me.
I did my backup part, so did Ricky and Derek.
I then looked past Derek, to see Bob standing there, just off stage, out of crowd view, underneath the clock, with his arms crossed, and not looking very happy.
I didn’t go near the box the rest of the show, but I kept looking over at it, and realized that when we were playing, the light was green, when we weren’t, the light was red.
I looked down to see Donna, rocking, smiling, waving, and blowing me kisses on occasion.
Tony and Rebecca rocking out too.
I decided to stop worrying about things that I could not control, and began having a good time, letting the music engulf me, and feeding off the energy of the crowd.
After a while, Bob unfolded his arms, smiled, and walked away from the stage, apparently happier now.
The entire show went off with out a hitch.
I introduced each song, reached out and pretended to try and touch a few hands in the audience, and tossed some guitar picks out into the crowd.
I did some choreographed back and forth swaying moves with Ricky, like the guys in Warrant did in their “Down Boys” video.
I know it’s cheesy, but the crowd loved it.
I jumped up on the drum riser, and head banged with Stephen a few times, as did Ricky and Derek.
Corey leaned against me and sang, as I played, like David Lee Roth did with Michael Anthony in Van Halen’s “Jump” video, doing the same with Ricky and Derek.
I didn’t really have any interaction with Derek, as I didn’t venture to that side of the stage, aside from the time both of us jumped on the drum riser.
My wire probably wouldn’t have reached that far anyway.
I thought about unstrapping my guitar, the one I was playing at the time, and tossing it into the air, but I really liked those guitars, and with my luck, I’d lose it in the lights, miss catching it, and look like a complete idiot on stage, so I decided against it.
We pulled the entire show off with 17 seconds left on the clock.
The crowd screaming intensely.
As we were standing back up, after taking our bow to the crowd, breathing heavy, and sweating profusely, I saw Bob walk past us, and face the screaming crowd.
I took one quick last look at the box, as we were heading off stage, led by the cute little Japanese woman again.
Both the red and the green lights were flashing.
I went to wave to Donna, but saw her, Tony, and Rebecca, being escorted out of their seating area by a Japanese man this time, wearing Earmuffs, and carrying a clipboard as well.
The curtain did not close for some reason.
Suddenly, I heard Bob snap his fingers, and the crowd stopped screaming.
Dead silence.
“There’s no way they all got out of this arena that quick!”, I thought.
I turned back to see the first couple rows of the audience, standing silent and still, looking straight ahead, seemingly standing at attention, like the beginning “audience” in Quiet Riot’s “Mama Weer All Crazee Now” video.
I assumed the rest of the audience was doing the same.
“What The Fuck!”, I thought.
“Ah, My Children! It is I, your…”Bob began to say.
“Go! Go! Through there!”, the Japanese woman said, causing me to not be able to hear the last part of what Bob was saying.
We walked through the curtain once again, and back into the hallway, just as Donna, Rebecca, and Tony came walking through the double doors right in front of us.
I couldn’t “let it go” any longer.
“Hey babe! Great show!“, Donna said, running up to hug me.
I stopped her.
I was freaking out.
“Did you see that audience just now?“, I asked, “It’s like they were in a trance! Did you guys see it?”, I asked the guys.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky just looked at me funny.
“Americans, so crazy!”, the Japanese woman said, and walked away.
“What the fuck, Dude!”, “Chill Out, Man!”, “It’s not that serious!”, “You okay, Mikey?”, the guys asked.
Tony and Rebecca just stood there.
“Baby Calm down!”, Donna said.
“No!”, I yelled, “Bob did something to those…”, I began to say.
Suddenly, Bob came through the curtain.
“What was that, Mr. Hard-Sell? I did what?”, He asked.
Ignoring Bob’s warning from before, I yelled, “You did something to those people, and I bet it had something to do with that fucking box.”, stepping directly face to face with Bob.
“Baby, Stop!”, Donna said loudly, pulling on my right arm.
“Dude, Chill!”, Ricky said.
Bob’s eyes then turned bright red, as his face contorted into a scowl, and his breathing became deep and guttural.
Everyone stepped back in fear, except for me.
“I WARNED YOU…”, Bob began to yell, in a deep demonic voice.
Suddenly, we heard Rebecca say like a scared little school girl, “Daddy?”
Bob’s eyes then shot toward her, as we all looked at her as well.
She was practically in tears, and shaking, obviously scared.
“It’s ok, Rebecca! Bob’s just playing around! Nothing to be scared of! Right, Bob?”, Donna said, walking over to Rebecca, putting her arm around her waist, consoling her, and looking at Bob.
Bob’s breathing quickly returned to normal, the red in his eyes slowly faded, and his face became happy and smiley once again, in what I can only assume was his attempt to calm his daughter down.
“Oh, Yes! Just joking, dear!”, Bob said smiling, putting his right hand on my shoulder, and squeezing a little harder than normal.
In retrospect, Rebecca probably saved my life that day. I’m gonna have to thank her for that.
Anyway, Bob then looked at me intensely.
“Mr. Hard-Sell! What is it that you think I did?”, Bob asked, as calm as a pissed off Devil could.
“I think you made our music all poppy and radio friendly, so we would appeal to a broader audience, making them want to buy our album, had Edgar put back masking bullshit on each song to draw them to the concerts, then sent subliminal messages through the speakers of that box, turned the whole audience into your own little evil minions, and took their souls. I know what I saw, Bob!”, I said.
“Songwriters, Man!”, Stephen said.
“Shut up, Stephen!”, I yelled back.
“That could not be further from the truth, my dear boy!… Look!”, Bob replied, pushing open the curtain, and walking back on stage.
“Come!”, he said.
I reluctantly followed him.
We reached the edge of the stage.
Bob then pointed to the sitting area.
I looked where he was pointing.
There I saw the remaining members of the audience, walking out, talking, high fiving each other, and laughing.
“Do they look like they are hypnotized, Mr. Hard-Sell?”, Bob asked.
“What the fuck!”, I whispered to myself, now more confused then ever.
“You might want to stop drinking so much coffee Son, you’re starting to hallucinate!”, Bob said laughing.
He put his arm around my shoulder, and walked me back into the hallway.
“Now, Mr. Hard-Sell! If I actually did what you think I did, then those “Messages”, as you call them, would have affected everyone in the arena tonight, including the five of you, your little girlfriend here, Rebecca, and Tony, not to mention, all the instrument techs, the stage crew, and all the employees of the venue. Were YOU affected, Mr. Hard-Sell? What about Donna?, or the little Japanese woman that escorted you to and from the stage! Was she affected?…Huh?”, Bob said.
Edgar then came running around the corner, “Hi Guys! Great show!”, he said, running to Rebecca and giving her a kiss.
That seemed to calm her down a lot.
“And what about Edgar?”, Bob asked.
“What about Edgar what?”, he asked.
“It’s a long story!”, Rebecca told him, “I’ll tell you later!”
“Ok!”, he replied.
“Well, Mr. Hard-Sell?”, Bob asked.
“I guess not!”, I answered, still skeptical.
I wasn’t in the right frame of mind, to actually think about it at the time. But eventually, I figured out how everyone in the band, Edgar, Rebecca, and Tony, as well as the stage crew, the instrument techs, and all the employees, were not affected. But more on that later.
Anyway, “All I was doing, Mr. Hard-Sell, was thanking the crowd for coming out tonight, and supporting the band.
They were all screaming with excitement, so I snapped my fingers to get their attention. That is all!”, Bob said.
“Yeah, Right!”, I thought.
“Now Boys, let’s get you all cleaned up, and ready to move on to the next town. Your next show is tomorrow night.
“TOMORROW!”, we all said in unison once again.
“Boys, Are we going to go through this every time?”, Bob asked.
We all stayed silent.
“Let me show you to the showers, Boys! This way!”, Bob said, and began walking down the hallway, making left and right turns, finally ending up right in front of the dressing room door.
“The door to your left leads to the changing room and shower area. There you will find all new “Gear”, as you put it, Mr. Hard-Sell, as well as all the toiletries and towels you will need. Shower quickly Boys! We must be on the road as soon as possible!”, Bob said, “Rebecca! Edgar! Donna! Please wait for us in the limo, it’s right outside that door!”
“Yay! Girl time!”, Rebecca said clapping her hands, smiling and bouncing.
Bob then pointed to a set of double doors at the end of the hallway, “I won’t be long.”, he said.
“What do we do with the clothes we’re wearing?”, asked Ricky.
“Leave then there, Boys! I will have them collected later!”, Bob answered.
“Tony! May I have a moment of your time, to discuss a small business matter?“, Bob asked.
“Sure!”, Tony replied.
Bob then opened the dressing room door, and they walked inside, with Bob closing the door behind them.
We all then walked over to the changing room door.
Donna gave me a kiss, and waved bye, as her, Rebecca, and Edgar made their way through the double doors.
Stephen opened the door, and we all walked inside.
The changing area and shower reminded me of my old High School Gym class.
I don’t have to describe it to you, do I? You know what I’m talking about, right?
There were 5 piles of clothes neatly folded on one of the bench’s, each with the nickname Bob gave us earlier, written on a piece of notebook paper, in black sharpie on top, as well as new shoes for some of us, and new boots for others.
Now, since it was an open changing area and shower, just like High School, remember? Well, at least at my High School.
We all decided to take turns showering and changing, as I didn’t want to see any of those guys naked, and I’m sure they didn’t want to see me naked either.
We went in order of joining the band.
Corey went first. Corey and Derek started the band, but since C comes before D in the alphabet, Corey went first, then Derek.
Stephen is an old friend of Derek’s, so he joined next, and in turn went next.
Ricky dated Stephen’s sister in High School, and joined the band after Stephen, so he went next.
I went last, you all know how I joined the band, right?
After each one of the four guys showered and changed, they went out to the limo to wait.
Bob and Tony came strolling out of the dressing room door, right before Ricky came out of the changing room.
Bob was whistling, and doing a little “I’m the shit” strut, while Tony looked as happy as a cop in a donut shop.
They walked past me.
“Hi, Mike!”, Tony said.
“Hey, Tony!, I replied.
They went through the double doors, just as Ricky was coming out.
“You’re turn, Dude! I hope there’s enough hot water left for you!”, Ricky said.
“I hope so too, Man!”, I replied, and went in to shower and change.
I took off my shirt, and glanced over at my right arm. The number now flashing on my bicep was 1 8 7 2
I figured I’d mention it to you, since I haven’t told you in a while.
Anyway, after I showered, dried off, and put on my new gear, I walked over to the door.
I was just about to put my hand on the doorknob and open it, when I heard two deep masculine voices from the hallway.
I opened the door a crack, just enough to see out, and saw two of the instrument techs walking towards me, With their Earmuffs draped around their necks, and talking.
“I don’t know who the hell this Bob guy is, but he’s a real dick. Making us wear these stupid Earmuff things all the damn time. I can’t hear shit in these.”, one of them said.
I thought that was weird too.
I’ve never seen any other stage crew, or instrument techs wear them, and I’ve watched a lot of live shows on VHS.
What’s VHS, you ask?
I’m too far into this story to stop and explain it to you. You’ve got the internet now, so look it up yourselves.
Anyway, “I know what you mean Joey! But from what I hear, this band really sucks! Be glad you don’t have to hear that garbage! My daughter bought their album with her babysitting money, and played it constantly. It’s horrible. She begged me to get her a ticket for one of their concerts back home. If I do, I’ll drop her off at the door, and I’ll pick her up after the show. I can’t take that screaming shit. I’m a Country guy myself.”, the other one said.
“I heard a couple of the stage crew guys talking, and apparently that Bob guy has some big plan for these morons…”
They then passed the changing room door.
“and Hank! Why do WE have to cater to THEM. Do THEIR sound checks? Inspect THEIR equipment. They ain’t special, the long haired losers. I don’t plan on doing this shit too much longer.”, Joey said.
“Me either, Man! But the money’s good!”, Hank replied, as they walked through the double doors at the end of the hallway.
“Hey, Bob! Great Show!”, they both said in unison, apparently too afraid to say how they really felt.
I assume that Bob was waiting outside of the limo for me to arrive, and that’s how they saw him.
Anyway, I just stood there, thinking!…
“Earmuffs!… Plan!… That’s it! No one was affected, because they were wearing Earmuffs.
Stage crew - Earmuffs.
Instrument techs - Earmuffs.
Employees - Earmuffs.
They couldn’t hear the messages!
And the band wasn’t affected, because we’re all part of Bob’s plan, and so is Tony. Edgar is a demon, and Rebecca’s a succubus. That leaves Donna!…
Why wasn’t Donna affected?”, I thought.

Bob then led us to our dressing room.
“Here we are, Boys!”, Bob said, extending his right arm in a presenting fashion, towards a white door, with the band name crudely written in black Sharpie on it, and what I can only assume was the translation of “Blackened Image” written in Japanese underneath it.
“Why do we need a dressing room, we’re already dressed?”, Stephen asked.
“You see, Boys! Like I said, I need to discuss a small business matter with the five of you! I will talk privately with Tony afterwards! Right now, Edgar… Where is Edgar?”, Bob asked.
“He went to talk to those tech guys earlier!”, Ricky answered.
“Rebecca, you have only been dating him for less than a day, human time, and he’s already leaving you behind to go hang out with the boys! You deserve better, dear!”, Bob said.
“Daddy, Stop! Edgar has a job to do, and I will respect that!”, Rebecca shot back.
“Very well! You can’t blame me for trying!”, Bob replied.
He then bellowed for Edgar.
Edgar came jogging over seconds later.
“Sorry, sir!”, Edgar said, “You called?”
“Yes, Edgar! Please show Rebecca, Tony, and Donna to their private seating area for the show! We will all meet up later afterwards!”
“Why can’t Donna stay?”, I asked Bob
“Do Not Start, Mr. Hard-Sell! I told you before, that my business is with you, and you only, and THIS… IS BUSINESS! What you do afterwards is on you! I like you! I really do! So please! Do not make me repeat myself again!”, Bob said intensely.
“It’s okay, Babe! You handle your business, and I’ll see you after the show!”, Donna said to me.
“Yeah, that way we can spend a little girl time, Girl”, Rebecca said to Donna, nudging her on the arm.
Donna then kissed me.
“Have a good show, babe!”, she said, as Edgar led them to their seating area.
“Shall we, Boys?”, Bob said, opening the dressing room door.
We all walked in, and Bob shut the door behind him.
The room wasn’t big, but it wasn’t small either.
A long table, with 5 metal “fold-up” chairs, sat to the right, with 5 rectangular “make-up” mirrors above it on the wall.
Several empty, old and rusty clothes racks on wheels, sat to the left.
A table about half the size of the first one, sat directly in front of us, with six stacks of papers, each stapled together, a coffee pot with all the fixings, and two cartons of Marboro cigarettes, with lighters and ashtrays on it.
“Have a seat, Boys! We have about an hour before the show starts, hopefully we’ll be finished long before that!”, Bob said.
We all then took a seat.
“Boys! There is one formality that we did not discuss at the time of your contract signing! That formality is your Financial Holdings Agreement! The reason I did not bring this up to you then, is simply because I was unsure if my plan was even going to work! After all, everything looks good on paper, until you try to execute it! But luckily for me, and you, my plan has exceeded all of my expectations so far, and I don’t see it stopping anytime soon!
Now, My plan was to open a bank account for all five of you, here in the real world! But, do you know how difficult that can be! Financial Institutions here in the real world, require much unnecessary information to even apply for an account! Information that I did not have! So, I decided to use a facility, with your approval of course, let’s say, closer to home!
He then grabbed the first five stacks of papers, leaving the sixth on the table, and handed each one of us a stack.
“The Eternal Bank of Hades”, the Header read.
“What is this?”, Derek asked.
Bob then sighed heavily.
“This is a Financial Holdings Agreement! I just told you that. Don’t you listen!”, Bob said frustrated, “You really should use earplugs, Boys, standing that close to those speakers, is severely affecting your hearing!
Anyway, what it does, is give me, the Devil, the authorization to hold all your financial earnings, in regards to Hellfire Records, at my institution, “The Eternal Bank Of Hades!”, for which I am the President, and Bank Manager of!”, Bob said proudly.
“Hell has a bank?”, Ricky asked.
“Oh yes! It’s like our own little town down there! I must give you a proper tour one day!”, Bob answered.
“Cool!”, Ricky said smiling.
“Ricky! He’s fucking with you again! If Hell doesn’t have a gift shop, or a cafeteria, they obviously don’t have a bank, for Bob to be President, or Manager of, either!”, I said.
“Aw, Man! Not again! You’re an asshole, Bob!”, Ricky said frustrated.
“Devil!”, Bob said, pointing at himself once again, and smiling, “Seriously though, Boys! It is actually a vault, I just like the word “Bank” for some reason!
You see, many celebrities in the TV and film industry, as well as the sports industry, pay me rather large amounts of money, to keep their status within their said industry!
And I mean… A… LOT… of money!
So, I needed somewhere to store these funds!
Now, not that it is any of your business, but these funds are used to enhance the whole Hell experience!
I hire shady human contractors, who do not wish to have their corrupt business practices exposed, or out of work engineers, to build me certain structures, or mechanics, to make Hell even a worse place to be, such as, The Torture Tower, a 17 story structure that holds all my torture devices, Fire In The Hole, a burning roller coaster that descends into the lake of fire, and my favorite, Dismemberment Hall, which will be opening soon, for my own entertainment! You should see it, Boys! It is most fabulous!”
Anyway, back to what I was saying, I did a little research on the Banking Industry as a whole!
What a scam that is! I love it!
You put your money into their bank, they charge you for holding your money, in their bank, then charge you again to take it out, of their bank!
And you humans do this willingly!
You pay them, your own money… to hold, said money… and give you back, said money… out of the money, you originally gave them to hold! It’s brilliant!
Now, Unlike human Financial Institutions, I will not charge to hold, and/or to give you back your own money! You can do with it as you wish!
All you have to do is call from a touch-tone phone… 1 (555) E. T. E. R. N. A. L., use the promo code, “PLAN”, when prompted, Enter your identification number, which I will give you shortly, also when prompted, press 1 for balance inquiry, or Press 2 for withdrawal, when prompted, then enter the amount of money you wish to receive, again when prompted!
If it does not exceed your balance, the amount you entered will appear, seconds later, right in front of you!
If it does not, Press 0, to speak to one of our fine representatives!
There is a short survey afterwards, but it is strictly optional!
All the money that you receive will be in cash, so you don’t have to fear that, something you humans call, the Internal Revenue Service, will take your hard earned money!
That is a better scam than the banking industry! And they say I am evil!”
“Yeah, right!”, Ricky said smiling, “You’re not getting me again, Bob! If Hell doesn’t have a Bank, a gift shop, or a cafeteria, I’m sure there’s no phone service either!”
“Brain cells, Boys! Brain cells!”, Bob stated, just like Reggie said, then continued, “What was it, my dear boy, that you used, while in Hell, to call Mr. Hard-Sell here, when you invited him to audition for the band… Was it… a phone?”, Bob said sarcastically.
“Dang it!”, Ricky said defeated, “You’re right!”
Bob just smiled.
“Now, here are your numbers Boys, please remember them!”
“Mr. Attitude!”, Bob said, pointing at Derek… you are number one!
“Mr. California!”, pointing at Corey… you are number two!
“Mr. Drummer Boy!”, pointing at Stephen… you are number three!
“Mr. Brain Cells!”, pointing at Ricky… you are number four!
And last, but not least, you, “Mr. Hard-Sell!”, pointing at me… you are number five!
Your number is also written on the top of your contract!
Please feel free to look over this document! Take as long as you need! But remember Boys, the show starts in about 30 minutes!
Derek and Corey signed immediately.
Stephen looked over a few pages then signed.
Ricky waited for me.
I glanced over the contract quickly, finding nothing out of place again.
I signed, my real name this time, then Ricky signed.
We all handed the contracts back to Bob.
“Very Good, Boys!”, Bob said, “You’re money will be available shortly!”
“We have money, besides what’s in our pockets?”, Stephen asked.
“Yes, Boys! The money from your album sales, your endorsement deal, what they paid you all to do the radio show, as well as appear at the meet and greet session…”, Bob began.
“We got paid to do that?”, Ricky asked, “It was so much fun!”
“Yes, my intellectually challenged friend! You don’t do anything, in regards to Hellfire Records, without getting paid! I’m not running a charity here! If you sneeze into a napkin, I’m sure someone somewhere will pay to own it.”, Bob answered, then continued, “…and all the proceeds from the tickets sales for tonight’s show, will be totaled up, divided by 5, and that amount will be placed in each one of your “accounts” so to speak!
The funds will be available shortly!
It is only going to get better. Bigger shows, guest appearances, more endorsement deals, tour sponsors, etc! This is only the beginning!
I will be glad to add any remaining funds from your signing bonus to your available balance, if you would like, just hand it over to me, Boys!”
Bob then extended his hand.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky, reached into their pockets, and gave Bob the remaining money almost immediately.
How he knew who’s money was who’s… I don’t know. But I guess he knew somehow.
“I’ll keep mine, Bob!”, I said, still a little skeptical that Bob was telling the truth, after his lie about the box earlier.
“Very Well, Mr. Hard-Sell! It’s been a pleasure doing business with you all!
Now, here is your Setlist!”, Bob said, and handed it to me, “You will only be performing the ten songs, in the order as they appear on the album!No drum solo, no guitar solo, and no encore. That is all your time limit will allow! You may introduce each song, if you care to, but DO NOT deviate from this list, or extent the show past the 45 minute alotted show time!
A countdown clock will be positioned stage right, to let you know how much time you have left!
Another copy of this list is taped to the floor of the stage where each one of you are positioned! Have a good show, Boys!”, Bob said.
He then opened the dressing room door, stepped out, and closed it behind him.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky all began celebrating, high fiving each other, and throwing up the horns.
“We’re gonna be rich!”, Derek yelled, “Rock and Roll!”
I just sat there, looking at the list.
Feed The Fire. Laugh At Me. Til All Your Tears Are Gone. The Legend Of Angels Run. In My Heart. Before The Blackest Dark Of Dawn. Forever And A Day. Out In The Streets. Ammunition. Eating Out Of My Hands.
“What happened to the other five songs?“, I thought.
I blew it off, then thought about making a pot of coffee, but wasn’t sure if we had enough time for me to drink a cup, as there wasn’t a clock in the dressing room, plus I didn’t want to take the chance of pissing myself on stage, given the fact that I couldn’t leave to use the restroom, so I didn’t.
Ricky grabbed a pack of cigarettes, took one out and lit it.
“Give me one!”, Stephen said.
“I’ll take one!”, Derek said.
“Me too!”, said Corey, “It ain’t weed, but it’s better than nothing!”
Ricky handed Stephen the pack. Stephen took one, then passed the pack around.
“Guys!”, I said, trying to get their attention.
“What, Man?”, Corey said, as they all turned to look at me.
“You do realize, that Bob lied to us about that box thing behind the drum kit, right?”
“Who cares, Man! We’re gonna be rich!”, Derek said, as they all went back to celebrating.
I just shook my head.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, the door opened, and in walked a very cute little Japanese woman, wearing the same kind of Earmuffs as the techs, and carrying a clipboard.
“10 Minutes!”, she said, “10 minutes to show, you go!”, and motioned for us to follow her.
The guys put their cigarettes out, as we all walked through the door, and began following her.
She led us down the hallway, made a left, then a right, then stopped.
We could hear the audience cheering.
She then pointed at a curtain to her right, “Through there!”, she said.
We all just looked at each other.
“Let’s do this!”, Stephen said.
“Rock and Roll!”, Derek shouted.
The Japanese woman just looked at us funny.
Derek then pushed through the curtain, as we all followed behind.
The curtain led to the stage.
The cheering got louder.
On the stage, stood Bob, who gave us a thumbs up, as we all took our positions.
I looked down to see the Setlist taped to the floor in front of me.
I then turned to my right to again see that weird box behind Stephen’s drum kit. The red indicator light was glowing.
I turned back around.
“After I introduce you, start playing!”, Bob said, and walked through the curtain to address the audience.
“Alright, Tokyo! Are you ready? Will you welcome Hellfire recording artist… BLACKENED… IMAGE!”, Bob said.
Which is the exact introduction CHEAP TRICK got on their LIVE AT BUDOKAN album, except the Hellfire part, and the band name.
The crowd went insane, as the curtain opened, and Security Guards began running over, and standing in front of the stage, facing the crowd.
Stephen counted it off, and we began jamming “Feed The Fire!”, I could hear Edgar’s keyboard track being played from the speakers around the stage.
“Lie!”, I thought.
I looked to my right, and saw the countdown clock ticking away.
I looked to my left to see Donna, Tony, and Rebecca, standing there rocking out, surrounded by 2 more Security Guards, as I played.
I smiled, did a little Rocker stance, and turned back around, as Corey began singing.
I then took a look at Stephen, who was pounding away on his drums, his long red hair flying everywhere.
That is when I noticed it.
The indicator light, on top of that box, was now green.

“Bob!”, I yelled to the open air, “We gotta talk!”
Bob then appeared in another… well, you know.
Anyway, “Yes, Mr. Hard-Sell! That didn’t take long!”
“With all due respect, Bob! What the hell is this?”, I said, remembering what he told me earlier.
“What’s what, my dear boy?”, he asked, like he didn’t know.
“This! Bob!”, I said, pointing into the room, “Is this some kind of portal bullshit like before!”
“Oh no, Mr. Hard-Sell! You must believe me…”, Bob began.
“I don’t!”, I responded.
“Oh! That hurts me! Your words are like daggers to my heart!”, he said.
“You don’t have a heart, Bob!”, I replied.
“Oh, yes! Well… it sounded good anyway.
Now, Mr. Hard-Sell, I assure you that this room is exactly what it appears to be. A hotel room. No portal. No dreamscape. No bullshit.
Do you think I would put this lovely lady accompanying you, in any form of danger, or cause her fear in any way, when she has done nothing to deserve it. Just to satisfy my own, let’s say… need for entertainment.”
“You are the Devil!”, I answered.
“Yes! Yes, I am! But I assure you, dear boy, that this is no trick! You see, I have used this hotel many many times before, entertaining many many different clients! I have always liked the way this room is designed, so I decided to use it in my little game that I played with all of you! This time, it is definitely real! If you don’t believe me, go check that door over there, the one that leads to the bathroom! Go ahead! I’ll wait!”, Bob said.
“Are you okay here?”, I asked Donna.
“Yes!”, she replied.
I then looked at Bob, who in turn looked back at me.
“Scouts Honor!”, Bob said, holding up two fingers, like a peace sign, and smiling.
“Keep this door open, okay, Babe!”, I asked Donna.
She looked at me with a confused look, “Okay!”, she said.
I then walked into the room, and began walking over to the bathroom door.
I looked back to see Bob and Donna standing in the doorway.
I put my hand on the knob, took a deep breath, closed my eyes, turned the knob, and opened the door.
It was just what Bob said it was, a bathroom.
A small toilet sat to your left, with a small sink and mirror next to it, a shower built for one sat to your right, and shelving with towels, soaps, shampoo’s, conditioners, and all necessary toiletries on it.
I quickly turned around and opened the closet door, and it was actually a closet.
Plastic hangers hung from a rusty pole, and the scent of musty air engulfed me.
“See, Mr Hard-Sell. I told you, this is no trick.”, Bob said smirking, “Now, 6 o’clock comes mighty early. Nighty-Night you two.”
He then snapped his fingers and, you know what happened.
Donna still looked at me confused.
“It’s a long story, Babe! I really don’t wanna talk about it right now, ok?”, I asked.
“Sure!”, she replied, then shut the door.
We watched a little TV. I’m not sure if I mentioned that the room had a TV before, but it did.
We snuggled together, did some “wrestling”, talked, things like that.
Now, I don’t know why, but I feel I should mention, that the walls in that hotel were paper thin… extremely paper thin.
We could hear every noise coming from the room next to ours.
And who’s room was that, boys and girls?
That’s right!
Edgars and Rebecca‘s!
There was howling, growling, screaming, moaning, laughter, banging on the walls, the sound of things being broken, heavy thuds to the floor, and lots of heavy breathing.
Either someone was being brutally murdered in there, or having one hell of a good time.
I was hoping it was the good time.
Anyway, I arranged for a wake-up call for 5 o’clock, and we went to bed around 11.
It was kind of hard to sleep with all the noise from next door, but eventually we fell asleep.
5 o’clock came, I got the wake-up call, then kissed Donna on the neck to wake her up.
We shared a shower. Squeezing 2 people into a shower built for one is a great way to start your morning.
Now, we had to get dressed in the same clothes as we wore the day before, as we had no fresh clothes, which is kinda gross.
We made it to the lobby, and enjoyed a free continental breakfast, coffee, boiled eggs, muffins mostly.
We were the first to arrive.
Tony came staggering out next, and sat down at our table, after getting a muffin, blueberry to be exact, and a bottle of water.
“Did you hear all that noise from Edgar’s and Rebecca’s room last night, they must have been fighting bad.”, he said.
“Yeah! Fighting the good fight!”, I said.
“I don’t know what that means, but, I barely got any sleep!”, he replied.
I laughed a little.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky stumbled in from the bar, looking like a cross between a train wreck and the zombie apocalypse. They looked rough.
They sat down at another table, and laid their heads on the top of it.
Rebecca and Edgar were last to arrive.
Rebecca was wearing Edgar’s pilot’s jacket, over her t-shirt, as well as the hat on her head.
Edgar was wearing Rebecca’s Red Cross hat on his head, with her stethoscope around his neck.
The tape on his glasses was ripped, and they were hanging in a V-shape on his face.
They were holding hands and smiling.
“Girl! We need to talk!”, Rebecca said to Donna, waving.
“Can’t wait!”, Donna replied.
“Hi, Guys!”, Edgar said.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky, all raised their heads from the table, and gave a drunken wave to Edgar, as the rest of us just said “Hi!”
“Oh look! Muffins!”, he said, as he let go of Rebecca’s hand, and went to go get one, returning with two.
“A muffin for my muffin!”, He said to Rebecca, who smiled and took it from him.
He bent down, as she leaned up, and they began Eskimo kissing, you know, rubbing their noses together.
That “What the fucking fuck” look returning to all our faces.
Suddenly, a huge cloud of gray smoke appeared, dissipated, leaving behind…who?
That’s right!… Bob!
“Ta-da!”, he said, “I see you all have heeded my warning! Very Good, boys and girls! Let’s get going, shall we?
Rebecca! What are you wearing? And Edgar! What is that around your neck?”, he asked.
Rebecca and Edgar just stared at him, like deers lost in headlights.
“You two?”, Bob questioned.
“I love him, Daddy!”, Rebecca said loudly.
“You are a succubus, my dear! You are incapable of love!”, Bob said.
“People can change!”, she shot back.
That “What the fucking fuck” look now appearing on Bob’s face.
He covered his face, sighed, and said, “I don’t have time for this! At least you’re not dating a musician! Well, at least not a full time musician.”
He then looked at us.
His eyes then shot quickly to Edgar, “And don’t you get her pregnant! I’m not raising a bunch of snot nosed little demon succubus’s! You hear me, Edgar?”, Bob said with purpose.
“Yes! Yes, sir!”, he replied nervously.
“Now, let’s go!”, he said, in a aggravated tone.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky stumbled to their feet, as the rest of us got up,
“Give me your keys! I’ll turn them in at the desk.”, Bob instructed.
We did as we were told.
“Now, wait for me in the limo! All of you! Go!”, he said still aggravated.
We got to the limo, got inside, and waited for Bob.
Bob came out moments later, and got in.
He then knocked on the mirror, much harder than before, which let us all know not to mess with Bob today.
After about a 10 minute drive, the limo stopped and the phone rang.
Bob picked it up, and said sharply shortly after, “Right!”
He then looked at all of us, and said sternly, “Get out!”
We quickly did as we were told, opening the door ourselves.
Bob got out last
We were standing outside of what appeared to be a radio station.
Again, the sign was written in Japanese, so I can’t tell you the name of it, and Bob wouldn’t tell us.
“Boys! Boys! You can’t go in there looking like that. You look like you just crawled out of Hell’s sewer.
You look pretty good, Mr. Hard-Sell, but we have an image to uphold.
Bob then snapped his fingers, and suddenly we were all, including Tony, Donna, Edgar, and Rebecca, decked out in full Metal Gear.
Ripped jeans, studded belts, Bandanas hanging around our necks, well some of us did, leather boots, with hair teased to the sky, except me, mine was a big bush.
I began to look at what everyone was wearing, it looked familiar to me.
It wasn’t until I saw Donna wearing my “I Love Puppies” t-shirt, and my old denim jacket, that it hit me.
It was MY gear.
Everyone was wearing MY Metal Gear, except for Tony.
He looked like Meatloaf, in his “Paradise By The Dashboard Lights” video, only not as sweaty.
I love Meatloaf! The food, and the singer.
I have no idea where Bob got those clothes from.
Anyway, “This is my gear! I want to know how you got my gear, Bob?, I said.
“I told you before, Mr Hard-Sell, that is not going to work on me. But again, I will tell you anyway. You left them in that wonderful house that the three of you were staying at!”
He then pointed to Derek, Corey, and Stephen!
“On the day you got arrested, Remember?
“You’ve been arrested?”, Donna asked me.
“Yes, Babe! But we were set up”, I replied.
“Oh! You’re a… Bad… Boy!”, she said cunningly.
Bob then continued, “After you all were arrested, and I entered the house.
I found your “Gear”, your songbooks scattered on the floor, and a bag containing your clothes, and something you humans call a “Tape Collection.
I snapped my fingers, and sent it all to Hell, just in case I needed them in the future, and I did. You’re welcome!”
Now, I’m pretty sure, you don’t want to hear about all the events that we did that day, in vivid detail. So, I’ll just give you a quick rundown.
We had a 2 hour long radio interview which went quite well.
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky, were all too inebriated to really participate, so I did most of the talking.
Donna, Bob, Tony, Edgar, and Rebecca all hung out with the producer as we did our interview.
We had a meet and greet session in the lobby of a local music shop, for all our fans. It wasn’t as nice as B & B Music, but it was still nice.
That took about 2 hours.
The guys had sobered up enough to participate for that one.
The five others waited on the side.
I never signed my name, so many times, on so many different things before.
My hand hurt afterwards.
We did a promotional photo shoot in a Photo Shop somewhere, for all the newspapers and magazines, as the others waited.
Another 2 hours.
And after riding around looking at all the sights for the most part of the afternoon, we finally all had dinner around 5 o’clock, at one of Japan’s finest restaurants, Again I couldn’t tell you the name of the place.
I know 4 of the guys didn’t have to eat, but they did anyway.
Now, I don’t know what I ate, and I don’t think I want to know. It didn’t look like anything that a Japanese restaurant has to offer in the States, but it wasn’t that bad.
I don’t know what Donna had, but hers didn’t look good either, neither did anyone else’s.
We then made our way to the venue. We arrived around 6 o’clock. The show started at 9, Bob told us.
We walked around for a while, checking out the backstage, and the empty seating area.
“This place is huge!”, Ricky said.
“This venue holds about 14,000 people, give or take, it is quite small compared to the stadiums and arenas, that I have arranged for you to play at on this tour. But, it is quite sufficient for an opening show. Don’t you think?”
“The largest show we ever played is in front of you guys! I’ll take 14,000. Right guys?”, Derek said.
We all agreed.
We quickly ducked back behind the curtain, to the stage, as fans started to pile in.
On the stage, we saw huge lighting fixtures, on large metal scaffoldings, and all our gear from the plane, the drums on a two foot riser, and Tony’s accordion in an accordion case sitting to the right of Ricky’s guitars.
“How did you get our gear?”, I asked.
“Mr. Hard-Sell! Haven’t you learned by now that I can get anything done with just a snap of my fingers. SNAP! SNAP!”, Bob answered.
“Don’t we have to do a sound check, and inspect our gear?”, Stephen asked.
Oh! That was already done by your techs over there, while you were at your photo shoot.
They will be in charge of making sure that all your gear is fully functional, and safe to use.”, Bob said.
Edgar then ran over to them. “Hi Guys, Is everything ready?”, he asked.
They all nodded their heads… once.
Bob then continued, “They will perform every soundcheck, and every inspection, for every show, so you don’t have to. After all, YOU… are the Rock Stars.”, Bob said.
I looked suspiciously at Donna, as she looked back at me
Derek, Corey, Stephen, and Ricky all celebrated, like it was a good thing.
I then took a look at the techs. They all looked like they should work on an oil rig, not as an instrument tech.
They were all wearing noise reducing Earmuffs, like the grounds crew at an airport wears, and “Crew” shirts.
“We have already adjusted the sound for tonight’s show, and inspected all your gear, all you have to do is play.
Now, let me show you to your dressing room. There you can relax, psych yourselves up, do what ever you want, after we take care of a little business. But no alcohol, or plant based incentives before the show, Boys!”, Bob said.
“What about cigarettes? They’re plant based!”, Ricky asked.
“Cigarettes are permitted, but nothing that could possibly altar your ability to perform at the highest level. You can party later.”, he said, “I run a clean show, Boys!”
As we started walking toward the dressing room, I took a look back at the stage, and saw something odd behind Stephen’s drum kit.
Something that I had never seen before, behind any bands drummer, and I’ve seen a lot of stage performance videos.
It was a large black box, with about 30 different colored wires protruding from the bottom of it, and about twenty or more little 8 inch speakers on every side of it, with two indicator lights on the very top of it, one green and one red.
“Hey, Bob! What’s that?”, I asked pointing to the box.
“Oh! That so we can play the keyboard tracks for everyone to hear, since Edgar will be manning the sound board, and will be unable to perform with you, that’s all!”, Bob answered.
“Wouldn’t you pipe that track in THROUGH the sound board?”, I thought.
I knew that was a lie.
We don’t do our own sound checks, or inspect our gear, and now there’s some big ass box, with little speakers on it, sitting behind the drum kit, that Bob just lied about.
“Something weird is going on here!”, I thought.

(Swifties, this is your first and final warning. You will not enjoy reading what I've written. Please remind yourselves that you've had since 2006 to crop-dust all creation with your unchecked Taylor-related dickriding. Meanwhile, it's taken me a year and a half to lose enough of my fucks in the crowd to venture the following opinions. Deal with it, or git)
TL;DR: the Taylor Swift social experiment, like all cults of personality, scares the living shit out of me. Relatability should not be an arbiter of artistic merit; everything can be criticized; no-one should have this much money/ in-your-face ubiquity/ power over the media; she needs to stop trying to be a musical one-stop shop and let other artists breathe.
I’m going to use my opening statement to assure the masses that I mean neither Taylor Swift nor her fandom any harm. I don’t know any of you; I only know the brand and the brand ideals, of which a character named Taylor Swift, represented by a person named Taylor Swift, is the central figure. This is a rant, these are my feelings; I merely ask that you extend me the same grace you would your favourite singer-songwriter. And though I can’t promise that all of my points will be made in good faith, because many of them were prompted by genuine psychological triggers, I will do my best to keep the character and the person separate, along with the platforms and the users within the fandom, even if they are guilty of the same misdeeds. No matter how butthurt and snarky I get while organizing these vagrant thoughts - because this exercise is intended to permanently close down my internal TS thoughtschool - all said and done, I just want everyone to be good people and live good lives.
Cool? Cool.
For the sake of full disclosure: her music is fine. I mean…it’s fine. I’ve yet to hear anything that made me want to manually arrest the earth’s orbit, but that comes down to my own personal taste.
And I’ve been obsessed with music for a good goddamn 43 years; I remember trampolining on the furniture to Queen, Prince, and Blondie when I was barely out of diapers, getting my first period at a New Kids on the Block concert (for real), and clawing the shredded fishnets of every early-90s riot grrrl while my 9th grade social capital continued its neverending nosedive. As someone stuck right slap-ass in the Bible Belt - where my love for the INXS song “Devil Inside” was publicly demonized due to the metaphorical conceit - music is the closest I’ve ever come to religious rapture.
But I just can’t seem to acquire a taste for the holy Taylor Swift host.
Once in a while, drifting through her sea of beige melodies and hand me down instrumentals, she will hork up a half-decent turn of phrase (the bridge of “Marjorie” really is a knockout). But I don’t think her specific command of the English language deserves this level of perpetual global veneration. And even when I’m impressed by the way she clicks words together, I don’t feel moved to take them apart and examine them for hidden depths or synesthetic value. To me, her writing is only marginally better than the Star Wars/ Mortal Kombat/ Jem & the Holograms fanfics I used to write while procrastinating between shifts at Starbucks. (Not me ending a letter to Stormer from Kimber with, “I miss you like January misses Christmas.”) To paraphrase the MechaStreisand episode of South Park: “Ya ain’t Fiona Apple. And if ya ain’t Fiona Apple, I don’t give a rat’s ass.”
But it goes beyond me staying stubbornly put as the approximate rest of the world is shaken to the core by her musical LiveJournal. I’m not here to yuck anybody’s yum. If Taylor Swift is to you what Stephen King (an inconsistent but effective storyteller who unknowingly taught me how to express my own macabre thoughts) is to me, that’s fabulous. Everyone deserves to feel that way about something; everyone deserves to experience a piece of art or media that makes them sit more comfortably amongst the serrated edges of the world.
The difference is, when someone tells me that Stephen King sucks all ass, my reaction tends to be, “Fair enough. Let’s talk about the writers you LIKE.” Not, “How absolute DARE?! You must be a Yankees fan if you don’t like Stephen King! I mean, it’s right there in the name! In this thesis I will…”
So let’s break it down, shall we?
*
*
*
*
*
FIG 1. ENSHRINING MEDIOCRITY
Taylor Swift has a way with words. Sometimes. More often than the average American dickhead who gave up on the Cliff’s Notes to Animal Farm. But a good 9 times out of 10, reading her lyrics - especially since Folkmore went to her head - feels less like a peerless, cathartic demonstration of wordplay and more like an Intro to Creative Writing student spraying and praying with one hand on a thesaurus. (“I’m only cryptic and Machiavellian cause I care…” Miss Ma’am. Put the fountain pen on the floor and kick it over to me.)
Sure, everybody loves a good literary reference. “In Liverpool”, where Suzanne Vega alludes to Victor Hugo’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame while pondering unrequited (and possibly gay) love, is my Roman Empire. But Swift doesn’t explore or utilize literary devices. She drops them, like boldfaced names on TMZ. She feels so Gatsby tonight. Her good-for-nothing boyfriend = Peter Pan. Wordsworth was an English Romantic poet who liked to bum around the Lake District, so let’s shoehorn him into “The Lakes” as a ramshackle pun about HER writing prowess (thank fuck she left Beatrix Potter alone). She knows these works exist, but she’s TELLING us she does, rather than SHOWING us.
Her lyricism is inconsistent, her references are anti-dimensional, her instrumentals sound like AI versions of previous artists, her “genre-hops” are formulaic, her singing is meh, and she dances like a preschooler clomping around in mommy’s heels. But at least she plays piano and guitar at a low-intermediate level. This is the only person holding 4 Album of the Year Grammys? Out of every other band and artist living, dead, or undead? Fuck that for a laugh.
(Short break to remind myself that Can’t Slow Down beat Purple Rain, Born in the USA, She’s So Unusual, and Private Dancer in 1985. Same as it ever was, really.)
My intention is not to discredit who she is or “what she’s been through” [dismissive wanking gesture]. I just don’t consider “...you hang from my lips like the gardens of Babylon…” a simile that necessitates a whole-ass branded tunic on Christ the Redeemer. Hell, I wouldn’t even project a salute to the aforementioned Suzanne Vega on a national landmark, and I think her lyricism absolutely BODIES Ms. Swift’s.
To more modern, mainstream effect, there's something so sharp and satisfying about Olivia Rodrigo's music. While not compulsively polysyllabic, her lyrics captivate me with their seething wit and disheveled beauty. Her emotions are dysfunctional without giving you narcissistic whiplash; they create an almost kintsugi effect within the thru-line of the songs, fusing the tragedy, setbacks, and self-deprecation whole with golden veins. I love laughing my ass off to “get him back!’, sprinting through a sunsoaked Appalachian meadow in my head to ‘Can’t Catch Me Now’, and reliving the outset of my romance with my husband to “so American”. Her 90s pop-punk sonic homage is a breath of fresh air, too.
I've yet to hear a Taylor Swift song where she isn't WHINING about something, and I’ve choked down a LOT of her songs just to be informed. Her entire discography reminds me of the final scene from Interview With the Vampire 1994. “Still WHINING, Louis! Have you heard enough? I've had to listen to that for centuries.”
On and on the pity party drones until eventually, no matter how many ornate literary devices she springs on us, Swift outs herself as no deeper than a damp floor. If she learned to economize the bells and whistles and reach beyond her own experience, she might be onto something. There’s a reason Toni Morrison is a legend and VC Andrews is a hack.
This doesn’t mean TS shouldn’t have a successful music career. Or that glitter gel-pen media with a predominantly female audience deserves to be dragged through the cesspool where society once stood. (Ask me how many times I listen to Debbie Gibson’s first two albums inside a calendar year - hint, more than zero.) But I swear to fuck, if I see the word ‘relatable’ used as quality control ONE MORE TIME, I will vomit the entire Nicholas Sparks bibliography. Are we so collectively insecure and empathetically bankrupt nowadays that we can’t engage with an artist unless we want to wear their skin? Does every performer or character need to function as an all-purpose self-insert? Does the winning formula absolutely have to be ‘Literally Me”? This has to be why Black excellence keeps falling by the wayside so the human Barbie doll - complete with interchangeable identities she dons and sheds like fashion plates - can placate her ego with another trophy. Yeah, I’m still sore about SOS and TPAB losing AOTY. (If you don’t recognise those acronyms, ask Google.) The connective tissue between ‘I’d rather have a beer with Donald Trump than Hillary Clinton’ and ‘Taylor Swift is a better mirrorball than Janelle Monae’ is thicker than the volumes of literature TS skimmed while ditching Tom Hiddleston to snoop around Joe Alwyn’s flat.
Don’t get it twisted; I’m all for sisterhood in song, finding parallels of my own experience in a woman’s work. But MUST my inner voice belong to Taylor Swift? Can’t I prefer Tori Amos or TLC or even Olivia Rodrigo? Because I’m not a skinny Aryan poster girl whose rich parents Veruca Salted (the character, not the band) and Tonya Hardinged my way out of every first-world problem and into a stupidly successful career where my only setbacks are breakups and one-sided beefs.
Also, what’s with this theory that lyrics and the ability to write your own are the end-all-be-all of music? Are compositions a joke to you? When you get a moment, listen to my all-time favourite symphony, The Planets by Gustav Holst. Bitchin, huh? Don’t mention it.
Hot take, but as a public figure, Swift has a lot more in common with her archnemesis Kim Kardashian than her idol Lana Del Rey, and I suspect that’s chief among reasons she keeps disturbing the Kimye grave.
(Oh, hey, if you’re that dweeb I’ve seen on YouTube spamming every other comment with your essay on why Taylor Swift is the best singer, songwriter, and multi-instrumentalist due to the units she’s sold and the records she holds…I wish a motherfucker would.)
*
FIG 2. WE DON’T NEED NO GENTRIFIED FEMINISM
Okay. I have a complexion like a fresh stick of chalk, resulting from a family tree full of Scottish libertines and southern Appalachian hill trash. Therefore, I don’t want to get too deep in the weeds of a topic that concerns the experiences of marginalized people. So instead of running my mouth on the meaning of ‘white feminism’ and its insidious cause/ effect process, I’ll urge you to seek out books and essays by more qualified people.
“Hood Feminism” by Mikki Kendall is a great place to start. See also “White Tears/ Brown Scars” by Ruby Hamad, and “Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race” by Reni Eddo-Lodge.
One of the most frustrating things about the inescapable Taylor Swift phenomenon is how her brand and her disciples have perverted feminism. It's now a whitewashed, focus-grouped shadow of itself, used only to shield Swift, and Swift alone, from criticism and her own mediocrity.
Swift really is the perfect symbol of white supremacy, whether or not she wishes to be. Her virtues are blown way out of proportion, and her wrongdoings are swept under the rug with a litany of excuses. Coddled and deified by the same entities that condemn and demonize her Black peers for the same shit. I’m reminded of how, in my home country (USA), a white gunman is a product of a broken home or untreated mental illness, while a Black or brown one represents the corruption of a whole community. Concurrently, when a white woman plays by the patriarchy’s rules and wins, or donates pocket change from her net worth to a few non-partisan causes like staff bonuses or soup kitchens, she’s held up as a paragon of righteousness. But when her stan club harasses one of her presumed nemeses to the brink of a nervous breakdown, or when a concertgoer at one of her Latin American shows dies of dehydration (RIP Ana Clara Benevides), everyone runs to console and absolve HER. It wasn't her fault, she had no power, how could she have known?
“Profoundly unsympathetic underdog”, as I read somewhere, is probably the best way to put it. Has she suffered from the slings and arrows of misogyny? Well, duh. She’s a woman at the top of an industry right slap-ass in the middle of a capitalist hellscape that, to this day, is still dominated by men. Men with a lot more dough and behind-the-scenes influence than she could ever dream of. But she doesn’t want to dismantle the system. She wants to bend it to her will and win it - even if that means cheating. Which is all well and good for her, but at the end of the day, she’s another fuckass oligarch. She’s a dragon in woman form like a reject from Earthsea, gorging on numbers to fill the empty howling void in her soul, tossing crumbs and scraps down to the masses.
She’s not a feminist so much as a Swiftist.
Ironically, Swift’s “feminism” revolves around men, because it’s feminism as interpreted by men. Powerful women using the patriarchy against itself, rather than bulldozing it for the good of humanity.
*
FIG 3. PROFESSIONAL CHARACTER ASSASSIN
Do I consider Taylor Swift an actual Batman villain of a person? Nah. I'm sure she's perfectly nice if you don't look too closely or set off any tripwires. In general, she’s probably not half the psychological sadist her father is or her disciples can be. She's got a long way to go before catching up to the likes of Donald Trump, Rupert Murdoch, or Andrew Tate. But that's just it - everyone outside the fold recognises the minions of that dark triad as pathetic at best and actively dangerous at worst.
The systemic coddling and infantilization of white women refuses to acknowledge the harm they can cause by gathering a mob with a common assigned enemy. And, having stuffed her cult’s heads full of subliminal tabloid fodder, Taylor has ensured that every time she performs an Invasion of the Bodysnatchers point-and-screech in a rival’s direction, that person’s about to have a bad week. Doesn’t matter if the vitriol is one-sided.
When I consider the full front to back of Taylor’s “lore”, what forms in my mind is the story of a victim, or self-proclaimed victim, who considers a villain arc aspirational. You know, a surly ninth-grader’s idea of justice. Enabled by her fans, who’ve declared Swift’s lyrics gospel, her easter eggs a call to arms against anyone who’s earned so much as a side-eye from her.
And does she call them off? Does she fuck.
Joe Alwyn’s reputation went to hell on an inside track for (checks notes) possibly mismanaging his depression? (Also, everyone involved in the mass unfollowing stunt is tacky and I hate them. That includes you, Ryan Reynolds. You're closer to 50 than 25, with four kids at home, acting like a second string shortstop trying to impress the head cheerleader. Knock it off.)
Katy Perry found herself soaked with pig blood in a public square for either rehiring a couple of dancers after they quit Taylor's tour, or briefly dating John Mayer. Depending on who you ask.
Jake Gyllenhaal was the target of a harassment campaign perpetuated by Swifties, fellow celebrities, and even goddamn CONSUMER BRANDS for, I dunno, acting kinda like a fuckboy eleven years prior? Realizing, perhaps too late, that he and Taylor were incompatible as romantic partners? Either way, I'm more freaked out by the gratuitous shots fired at his sister, girlfriend, godmother, and teenage niece. Let's put a pin in that for now, though.
Antonia Gentry, a biracial actress known for her role in Netflix’s Ginny and Georgia, took a heaping helping of abuse, garnished with a generous dollop of racial slurs. All because Swift got bent out of shape over a throwaway line delivered by Gentry’s character because it painted Swift’s dating habits in a bad light. It must needs be said that Gentry did not write or improvise this line of dialogue, she merely read it. We'll put a pin in that, too.
Scooter Braun can kick rocks in glass socks, but he was right about one thing. Taylor should have faced him down her damn self, instead of siccing her stan club on him…and his family. Put a pin in it.
Kim Kardashian - well, shit. The last thing I ever thought I’d do is defend a Jennerdashian, and my stance on Snakegate has been ESH from jump street. But after all Taylor’s posturing about her nemeses defeating themselves before she can take a swing, she didn’t hesitate to directly name and shame Kim in a recent song. Or use Kim’s daughter as an insult to her lyrical injury. Put a pin in it.
Look, no-one enjoys a failed or toxic relationship. Or waking up with a target on their back. I spent nearly a decade with an authentic psychopath who at one point (I kid you not) accused me of cheating on him WITH A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. So fuck his dreams, but even with the worst of what he did to me in play - and rest assured, it was some Ari Aster shit - I wouldn't want to see him at the bottom of a John Mayer dogpile. Mostly because he has loved ones who shouldn't end up as collateral damage.
Back in 1988, the late Oscar-winning SFX titan Stan Winston (Terminator, Jurassic Park) made his directorial debut with a cult classic supernatural folk-horror called Pumpkinhead. The plot centres around a father named Ed Harley (B-movie legend Lance Henriksen) summoning a demon to avenge his son against a group of “cityfolk”.
Why bring up that old VHS throwback? Well. Revenge films have been a staple since the medium began, but Pumpkinhead is one of the few that shows the dark side of vigilante justice. People love a settled score. But most stories only show the boomerang effect from the offender to the avenger. Pumpkinhead broadens that viewfinder to show the pyrrhic nature of revenge, especially revenge served scalding hot, using familiar genre devices to demonstrate the victim’s torment, the cyclical trap of it all, and - most importantly - the innocent bystanders catching strays. You think you’re wishing on a star, when you’re really wishing on a monkey’s paw.
That’s why I said to put a pin in that list of Taylor’s Undesirables. It’s never just the person who (sometimes debatably) did her dirty. There’s plenty of ‘female rage’ for their associates, too - sometimes with those associates, ex. Antonia Gentry, taking the force of the blow. But unlike poor Ed Harley, Taylor has accumulated too much money and power to face any real consequences.
It’s much easier to contain a narrative in art than it is in real life.
(PS: That sidelong smirk she does gives me the willies. Just me? Possibly. BEC? Totally.)
*
FIG 4. FUNDAMENTALIST SWIFTISM (THIS ONE’S PERSONAL)
I was born in southern Appalachia, in one of North Carolina’s most objectively beautiful cities. Unfortunately, I grew up in a rural, redneck town of just over 1,000, where the locals shared two cinema screens and maybe seven surnames.
And though mine was a mostly secular (Methodist) household full of Jimmy Carter Democrats, I couldn’t go a day without someone on the outside telling me that something I loved was a sin. I was the unwilling congregation for cautionary sermons about everything from Stephen King to Dirty Dancing to a fucking side ponytail in my hair (apparently it evoked Madonna, and that was a Bad Thing). Politically, it was standing water trash. My social studies education consisted mostly of Confederate-apologist kitsch and Red Scare Sovietcore. One of my fifth grade teachers spewed anti-choice rhetoric in class, and two years later, another one literally said, ‘Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve’.
For context, like I said: raised by liberals, if not full-tilt leftists. My maternal grandfather was a hometown civil rights activist who ran an integrated workplace and campaigned for JFK. My mother’s friend confided to her (and only her), at the peak of HIV stigma, that her son was dying of AIDS. I remember asking Mom when I was 5 why movies only showed ladies kissing men and not men kissing men or ladies kissing ladies. Her answer: “I don’t know, baby, because it happens all the time in real life.” One of my paternal uncles was a drag performer in his 20s (which would have been between 1966-1976), and once my cycle kicked in, I was lectured THOROUGHLY about birth control and reproductive rights. I was lucky - at home. Outside, it was an ideological wasteland, fire to the left of me, brimstone to the right of me, God, guns, and “guts” waiting to nudge anyone who strayed from the formula back in line. So traumatized for merely wanting to wear fun makeup and clothes, watch A Nightmare on Elm Street, listen to Prince, and walk among neon lights with an urban skyline looming overhead like an enchanted forest, I became rebellious as fuck in my adolescence. I had a witch phase, a zen phase, and a militant agnostic phase. I’d overhear myself saying controversial shit (controversial by local standards) in a neverending campaign to push the born-against as far away from me as possible. Please don’t pray for me, I’d silently plead. Please think I’m a lost cause.
But it’s cool. I moved back to my birthplace in 1999, and clear across the Atlantic in 2016. (Plus the 9 years I spent in New England, but we don’t talk about that.) And I’m seeing a therapist about my psychological dysfunction - PTSD, depression, severe social anxiety, the usual.
Thanks to nearly two decades in this Gilead-coded environment, though, I have a near-phobic aversion to groupthink. I especially despise blind hero worship (due, I suspect, to the evangelical code of honouring God with every choice), and when matters of opinion are presented as fact. It pisses me off when Trumpnecks uproot the goalposts and plant them right in their eye sockets at their messiah's every misstep, and it pissed me off when the BernieBros tried to wreck my shit for backing a different Democrat (no shade to Bernie - he's probably one of the best social navigators America could ask for).
Taylor’s press is sounding less like journalism, even popcorn tabloid “journalism” in inverted commas, and more like nationalist propaganda. She stimulates economies (all sold-out stadium events do)! She’s broken another record (by rigging a broken system)! She eats ranch dressing (bitch, my BFF wrote a SONNET about ranch dressing when we were in junior high - that ain’t special)! She’s single-handedly carrying the music industry on her back (by toying with her fans and weaponizing FOMO)! ALL HAIL! It’s giving Straight Out of North Korea.
But as soon as you dare mention that some of this doesn’t sit right in your soul…chaos. You’re just looking for shit to be mad about because you hate “fun music” and “successful women”. Prison. Solitary confinement. Electric chair.
I have experienced no-shit panic attacks thinking about all the cults of personality that have cropped up over the past decade, okay? Whether Donald Trump, Nigel Farage, Elon Musk, or Taylor Swift…they are all symptoms of a terrifying social disorder. Once we were drowning in information while thirsting for knowledge; now combine that with a riptide of tinfoil milliners and hyperpartisan news outlets. Communities have deteriorated, so we create them online using public figures and their open-ended manifestos, our capacity for independent and nuanced thought shriveling into a MAGA-hat shaped echo chamber screaming into a billionaire-branded, corporate-sponsored void.
Is this what Beatlemania was like? I can’t say for sure; I wasn’t there. But much as I appreciate The Beatles (while acknowledging the shady shit still stinking up certain corners of their empire), I can absolutely sympathize with people who maybe didn’t want the music crammed down their throats and the lore shoved up their asses.
“Let people enjoy things.” Let them be skeptical about things, too, and you’ve got a deal.
What frustrates me isn't that I don't like her, or that others do, but that so many of them won't allow anyone to dislike her in peace.
That's how I ended up here, at this desktop, downloading backlogged grievances to a Google.doc file.
I have no mouth, and I must scream.
*
FIG 5. ELEVENTH HOUR TRAILBLAZER (WITH A SIZE 500 CARBON FOOTPRINT)
Let's get serious. Most of our faves are problematic. I love HP Lovecraft's literary universe; he's a racist wad of dick. I love the way Margaret Atwood dissects her characters and serves them up on a silver platter with a parsley garnish; she's a bleach-white feminist and probably a goddamn TERF. I'd probably loathe Frank Zappa if he were alive today, even though I know passages from his autobiography by heart.
You don't have to steamroll your TS merch on Main to accept the fact that as an activist, she has all the conviction of Boy George checking the resale value of a contradiction before the Karma Chameleon gets home.
And that's fine, or it would be, if her aforementioned propaganda team hadn't successfully executed a Jedi mind trick to make the media go, “Taylor Swift - Joan Baez literally wishes.”
Anyone can tweet “Black Lives Matter” a few times, and I'm pretty sure my Boomer mother posted “Why be mad, when you can be GLAAD?” on Facebook circa June 2013. The only appreciable difference between Taylor Swift’s low-effort, low-stakes activism and some rando in Eugene, Oregon tweeting (I refuse to call it X) a picture of their brand new rainbow Stanley cup is the whole world keeps waiting for Tay Tay and her money to talk over the stamping onstage power-walk of her bullshit. And if she's got nothing to say, then by god we'll put the words in her mouth. Because with her unthreatening good looks and Disney princess energy, she makes a perfect false idol for neoliberals and a perfect boogeyman for the unhinged right.
So it goes. Over and over again. Once you win capitalism, you can make people believe whatever you want them to. Championing LGBTQ+ rights in the glossiest, most favourable environment possible makes TS a hero right up there with Captain America, but her manic zigzags across the planet in her private jet(s) are NBD.
Dolly Parton gets away with being politically milquetoast because (I’m inclined to think) she genuinely wants to provide a seat at the table for everyone. Not so the whole world will spend a weekend in Pigeon Forge - though I'm sure that's a strong incentive - but because she was raised with that as a guiding principle. Taylor's only principle seems to be waving her distended bank account under our faces and barking, ‘Fill ‘er up!” Also if you talk shit about her, you're not a girl's girl. Girl's girls push their successors down the stairs while buying and selling the rights to female rage. Because as a wise YouTuber one said, “My problems, my problems, my problems, MY PAIN!”
Sometimes I get the impression that Taylor Swift doesn’t want to BE an activist so much as she wants us to THINK she’s an activist. The public perception of HER matters more than urging that public to help her leave the world a better place than when she found it.
Not everyone is, or wants to be, an activist. Not everyone has that fire in their belly. I can dig it. But activism should not be a cosplay you wear to WokeCon for a single album cycle; it's a bit to which you need to commit.
Especially if you have no problem bringing a ruckus to protect your sanctified public image.
*
FIG 6. SHE DRINKS YOUR MILKSHAKE
“Billboard gamer
Qu'est-ce que c'est?
Fu-fu-fu-fuck off, fu-fu-fuck off…”
But for real, some of y'all need to stop approaching music stats like the NBA playoffs. Because I'm telling you straight up and down, if Taylor Swift were on the NY Liberty, she'd be what's known as a ball hog.
“She is the music industry” is not a flex. It's an indictment and manifesto of our own cynical capitalist dystopia. It's the mission statement of an ‘artist’ who can't seem to create without the intent of destruction. It's a slap in the face to musicians who match Swift's work ethic and far exceed her talent, but lack her bloodthirsty cult and cutthroat PR machine. It’s the language of monopoly - doesn’t matter if Swift dominates 90% of the musical market, charts, and records, so long as that wayward 10 is still out there.
Every time Taylor Swift copies another artist’s homework and makes their reality impossible to disentangle from her image, I feel the same sense of weary dread as when Disney buys up another movie studio. Except worse, because a lot of those studios are multinational corporations in their own right, probably direct beneficiaries of Citizens United living off the crops planted by Reaganomics. It’s easy to be facetious and say they had it coming.
But given everything she’s come to symbolize in the public eye, it’s hard to unsee TS as a huge multinational corporation gobbling up rising artists and their chosen niches like a deranged Ms. Pac-Man who keeps doubling back in the maze when she should go forward.
It's almost as if she's trying to create an environment where there's no need to listen to any other artist, because she can do it all. Even be “The Man™”! (Though she mostly targets younger women.) And if you don’t like the current era, where are you going? Pay no attention to that small indie artist - just wait for her to jack their style! Sad Girl Synth/ Witch in the Woodscore/ Bell Jar Chic coming right up!

Plus, when she’s not coal-mining her peers for ‘aesthetics’ to add to her brand once it’s safe to do so, she’s barging in on their album releases with new variants, surprise releases, ANYTHING to prevent our attention from diverting from her for the length of ten or fifteen songs.
And it’s happened too often and with too much synchronicity to be a coincidence. Restoring her catalog to Spotify on the release date of Katy Perry’s Witness. Dropping new variants of Midnights to block SZA from the top spot. And now trying to open the same expired can of whoopass on Billie Eilish, an artist as renowned by her industry peers as Taylor is by the mouth-breathing masses.
Even her “supportive dancing” at awards shows…it’s cute at first, until you realize it’s blatant camera-pan bait to bring attention back to her.
This is not “good business”. It’s a hostile work environment.
Obviously, high-profile artists siphoning trends from more obscure ones has been how the music industry establishes hierarchy and ratfucks the vanguard for decades. You - rightfully - can’t bring up Elvis Presley nowadays without mentioning Big Mama Thornton (and you owe it to yourself to listen to her original version of “Hound Dog”, because whoa, nelly). But Taylor Swift is hiding her chicanery in plain sight, ripping her peers off and shutting them down brazen as anything, and it’s hard not to wonder how much time will transpire before we can call her on it without being branded heretics.
No-one really talks about it, but IMO, one of her most grimdark acts of sabotage was releasing “Cruel Summer”, a five-year old song that wasn’t even a re-record, on the same day Olivia Rodrigo dropped “Vampire”, the debut single for her sophomore album. “Cruel Summer”, in case you haven’t seen a Taylor Swift evidence board lately, is the reason Olivia is now stuck paying a substantial chunk of “deja vu”’s royalties to TS and her cronies. I’m not saying Taylor’s team chose that song on purpose, to intimidate a (former) fangirl literally 13 years her junior, but I put nothing past no-one.
Success is so much more rewarding when it's not a zero-sum game. Call me a musical Marxist, but I want to celebrate a motley crew of talented artists rising in and out of the top 10 like melodic fireworks, not one grifting normie shithead perched indefinitely at the summit, yanking up Jacob’s ladder rung by rung.
*
FIG 7. IN THIS ECONOMY?
One album, one deluxe edition. That's a god's plenty, especially vis a vis physical media. If you release more than that, you're an asshole, and if you buy more than that, you're a sucker. I will not be taking questions at this time.
No, it isn't just a Taylor Swift problem - far from it. But she is currently the head of a rabid and venomous kaiju run amok across a mortally wounded planet.
And the merch, my esteemed chaotic neutrals, is just too ass to mention.
While we're at it, eat the rich. Most of them. At least leave the bones of billionaires on the lawns of multimillionaires as a warning.
*
*
*
*
*
And where - apart from the hate campaigns - do her hapless paramours fit in all of this? Beats me. The truth is, I don’t give a single solitary fuck about celebrities in the wild, unless they do something incredibly wholesome (Pedro Pascal celebrating his trans sister) or remarkably stupid (Puff Daddy). And despite all the pictures I’ve seen against my will, I wouldn’t recognize Travis Kelce or Matty Healy if they walked right up to me. First of all, I despise the NFL; I’m a baseball/ basketball/ hockey fan. And The 1975’s music, to me, just sounds like yacht rock if the yacht were caked in cocaine and bodily fluids. I know that Matty Healy once mentioned shucking his corn to a certain racist sex-trafficking website. And whether or not he meant it as a joke, it was gross and WoC have every right to have a bone to pick with him - and with Taylor.
For real, though, I look at her body count and all I see is a succession of nondescript white dudes. The only one who stands out to me is Gyllenhaal, and that’s because I’ve been a fan of him and his sister as actors for 20+ years. So her dating history has never been a point of contention or even interest for me.
The long and the short of it is, I'd have no quarrel with Taylor Swift if she were just taking up space as a successful singer-songwriter processing her emotions through her music. We could peacefully co-exist if LITERALLY EVERYBODY were not expected to not only give a fuck about her, but forsake all others unto her and her sanctified narrative. Sorry, my sister in Christ, but I'm an atheist.
And yes, I'd say every syllable of this with my whole chest and my pussy facing the world if Blandie were A MAN. So don't even get on that tip.
Go forth and have the day you deserve, from the depths of my last nerve.

So I’ve been binging My Name is Earl but noticed two things that correlate to Disney shows (this is about to get really nerdy)…

1. Both of Amy and Bob Duncan from “Good Luck Charlie” were on My Name is Earl; Leigh-Allyn Baker “Harassed a Reporter” and Eric Allan Kramer “Friends with Benefits”.
   
2. (This one is a little bit of a stretch but I found it amusing). On the Jessie episode “The Blind Date, the Cheapskate, and the Primate”, when Tony is trying to find a last minute date for Jessie he finds the custodian in who he calls Eddie. We’d then get a response back from Eddie correcting him. “My name is Earl”.
   

I feel like there might be more but if y’all think about anymore always feel free to share!