Aspiring Major: Mechanical Engineering
Demographics: White, Out-Of-State, Mid-Low Income ● Hooks: First-Gen, ROTC, Underrepresented State, Rural Resident, <50% Race at School
Stats: - 11 APs: Psych, Seminar, Lang, Push, World, Physics, Lit, Calc BC, CSP, Research (Capstone), American Gov (Possible Self-Study PreCalc, Stats, CSA to make 14, or 15 w/ Physics CMech) by graduation - 3 CCs: Elementary Spanish I, PreCalc, Stats (Possibly taking INFO#### (PreReQ), Java I w/ AP CSA, CPP I & II to make 7 CCs by graduation) - 12 Honors by graduation - GPA: 3.75UW / 4.5W - PreACT (Freshman): 29Math/30Sci/30Eng/24Read - MAP Math/Read (Freshman): 282/255 - ALEKS Math Placement (Sophomore): 85%
Extracurriculars: - ● Instruments & Composition: - Passionate Multi-Instrumentalist (Drum Set, Piano, Guitar, Cello) and Composer - Wrote, led, and performed a Marimba Duet that won 1st place and an "Outstanding Ensemble" award at local Solo-Ensemble Festival, and a Superior Rating (I) at a District Music Contest, being recognized and commended by judges. - 1x Music Letter (only offered at prior school), Percussion Section Leader, teaching incoming Freshman instruments and nurturing their abilities - Jazz Drummer and Pianist, awarded "Outstanding Solo" on each at State Jazz Festival. Also played guitar and bass guitar in Jazz Band. - Attended, auditioned, and performed at a Jazz Camp at [college], a reputable college with an international jazz program endorsed by many legendary jazz figures/groups such as The Count Basie Jazz Orchestra, Gordan Goodwin's Big Phat Band, and The Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra. - Freelance Musician and Composer for various online projects, primarily in the video game industry. - Music used in two indie films, with one being presented at [state] State Thespian Festival, and winning an award with recognition. - ● TheateMusical: - Inducted Honor Thespian to the National Thespian Society - Played notable supporting roles in Plays and Broadway Musicals, as well as filled tech positions primarily in the design aspect of the production (graphics/publicity, scenery) - Improv Team that competed at State - ● VEX Robotics: - State Finalist Freshman Year - Nationals Runner-Up
Activities: - ● Community: - Speech Campaign: spoke at 6 Schools across the state, 500+ listeners. Posters put up at each, advocating for a break in social norms. Surveyed school and gathered all data for a presentation and medalled at state for an FCCLA STAR Event. - Gave a motivational speech on MLK Day about chasing your dreams that was televised and recognized by the Mayor. - The Pink Lemonade Project: Indie Film+Book project where I created the music as well as designed the videography + video editing, lighting, locations, Characters, and assistance in Story and script writing. This project aimed to expose a local summer camp and the effects of a toxic authoritarian system via abuses and etc. - ● General: - Volunteered at a company that designs, creates, and tests Brewing Machinery internationally - CPR and AED Certified - I intend to commit to the military w/ ROTC Scholarship on a 4-6 year contract following graduation/obtaining desired degree - Non-Competitive Powerlifting, 300 Wilks Score - ● Programming & Roblox: - Self-Taught Luau/Lua5.5+, Python, C/C++, Type/Javascript, Haxeflixel, CSS, very minor html - At the age of 10, I had my own business that operated on Twitter, creating 3D Graphics (via Blender, Photoshop, and After Effects) for individuals and games, such as wallpapers, profile icons, and thumbnails. I then transitioned to a broad spectrum of skills acquired through the passion of game creation on Roblox - Formerly a Lead Developer for an indie game studio known as '[studio]', which was a project known for creating fun games for children, that gathered 1 million group members, and over 75 million game plays through a platform known as Roblox. These games generated a collective $70KUSD over the course of their popularity combined (20% of revenue was cycled back as advertisement funding). Through this community that was developed, we were able to raise over $6.5KUSD to help fund small indie projects from other smaller development groups. - Among many other games I created music for, one in particular is worth noting: 'Doors', amassing 4.9 Billion plays since 2021, has reached the screen of nearly every kid that is playing video games today. - Collaborated with popular online celebrities (YouTube, TikTok) on making games and experiences for their communities, some of which have billions of views and millions of followers. - I am a contributed developer to other popular games and projects with 2.6 Billion collective plays. I fulfilled various roles in these projects, such as game design, Front and Back-End programming (Luau/Lua 5.5+ & Typescript), 3D Artwork/Video Animation (using programs Blender, Photoshop, Premiere Pro/Sony Vegas, and After Effects), Music Design, Character & Object Animation, Architecture, and Voice Acting. Many of these games are a major source of income for the developers involved, such as "My Restaurant!" (of which I did 3D & 2D graphic design for), a game with ~800M plays, created by a studio known as BIG Games, which is the highest grossing development group on the platform. I connected to these groups and Studios through the Roblox Dev Forum, a company known as "Hidden Developers", Twitter, and my personal website. Through these projects, I nurtured my passion to create, and developed several solo passion projects for my own personal enjoyment. - Bug Tested various other games over several years, solving issues for experiences that went on to have hundreds of thousands of concurrent players. I am also a former member of the Official Roblox QA Team (before it was disbanded), which tested upcoming features to the platform. I have since been very active on their Developer Forum, helping all creators (young and old) solve issues and create awesome games. - Although my game development has slowed, I am currently working on a large game that will show the hardship of Schizophrenia and Social Outcasting through intricate storytelling. I intend to release this game on multiple platforms, such as Steam. - Created a Roblox Plug-in that detects Backdoors and vulnerabilities within games, preserving user data and game integrity. This plug-in has been used by nearly 300 developers thus far. - Created my own file syncing program using C++ via Visual Studio Code, that analyzes computer folders for identical information and can delete it or sync data from one folder to another (if not identical). This program has been used by my friends, but I did not publish it online. - Created a Discord Bot with custom commands for the Interbyte Studios Community server (18k members). This application allowed the community to interact and have a recreational token and minigame system for engagement and bonding. This bot was initially created in Python, but was then completely revamped in Javascript via Node.js (with some minor html for some special features.) - Created a customized theme for Canvas and Roblox using the "Stylish" extension, coded in CSS. - Utilizing BetterDiscord, I created my own lock screen for the Discord application to protect my computer from siblings and/or any environment I am working in. This came with a customized theme among other features, such as a built-in Spotify controller (play/pause, skip, and tuning into what others are listening to), and it synced up with my Discord Bot in my own server, allowing me to see the statistics (account age, user ID, etc.), and possible rule infractions of a given user within the community. This was coded in Javascript (Node.js), CSS, and HTML (for embedding purposes). This served to speed up the moderation and disciplinary side of my community, but also improve the efficiency of the Discord application.
Awards & Honor Groups: - x2 Academic Letter, Top PreACT at School - Outstanding Solo-Ensemble Award w/ 1st Place for self-composed, led, and performed Marimba Duet - Superior (1) Rating at District Music Contest for Marimba Duet - x1 Music Letter (only offered at former school) - Outstanding Jazz Soloist Drum Set at State - Outstanding Jazz Soloist Piano at State - Nominated Ambassador of Music (International Program) - All-City Percussion - All-State Jazz & Concert Band Acceptance (Committed to Jazz) - [College w/ International Jazz Program] Jazz Band Performer - State Finalist VEX Robotics (Freshman) - Nationals Runner-Up VEX Robotics (Sophomore) - Honor Thespian
In essays I hope to write about my aspirations to create The Iron Giant and how Robotics is an art. I am also planning to write about how my downfall in Freshman and sophomore years re-shaped the way a school district functions forever, and my recovery and discovery of ambition.
I'd like to know what colleges would accept me (I really want a shot at T30 or so) and what would be good for me. I would also appreciate any and all advice for my resume and what I should do for LORs, or any aspect at all.

[ Notice: Not my article. Link: https://4womaninthewilderness.blogspot.com/2012/04/i-thought-it-might-help-others-to-share_4319.html ]
Marriage Feast / New Covenant
(Benefit to those not anointed: https://4womaninthewilderness.blogspot.com/2013/04/i-received-two-questions-1.html)
I thought it might help others to share the information from a letter to another anointed one:
Dear Xxxx, I am very happy that you decided to write me. Interaction with other chosen is a source of joy for those of us who seek truth, love and unity. Yes, as you know Satan's pressures are upon us, and will not let up until Christ comes to rescue us. Yet his care rescues us even now, in that he has sent us the spirit to be with us and feed us. He too, is manifesting his presence among us, that the world may believe that Christ is Lord. I hope you will clarify some things you said, because I don't know what you mean,

why Father allows many Witnesses to not be anointed, even though they can see the issues of the true gospel being the re-birth.

First, "why the Father allows many Witnesses to not be anointed". Are you wondering why Jehovah does not do more anointing among "Jehovah's Witnesses"? Not sure what you are saying here. I know that almost all "witnesses" now are worshiping an Organization, committing idolatry against Jehovah. Of those who are not, or who have left due to seeing the corruption, remember 2Chron.16:9? Jehovah shows his spirit to those with a complete heart. Only Jehovah can judge this about a person. The next part of that sentence, "even though they can see the issues of the true gospel being the re-birth." Now you've really got me. Can you explain what you mean by "issues", the "rebirth" and how this rebirth is the "true gospel"? Are you saying that the emergence of full truth (the spirit leading the anointed into "all the truth" John16:13), as being associated with the birth of the Kingdom? Or are you saying that when we are born again as perfect spirits, and the Sons of God are revealed (Rom.8:19), that only then will we have all the truth? Or, do you speak of the Word (true gospel) as being the "incorruptible seed", which, once sown in the heart and brought to maturity, gives a re-birth into eternal life? (Luke8:11; 1Pet.1:23; James1:21; Mark4:28,29; Eph.4:13)
If this is what you mean, perceiving this truth is not enough to obligate God to choose and anoint you as one of His sons. His righteous and just standards for making such a choice, reside with Him. I would love to understand what you are trying to say in order to share your thoughts, but the scriptures don't immediately come to mind as to what you are referring to, so I am at a loss. Remember the illustration of the marriage feast? (Matt.22:1-14) Those invited were not worthy, and so the King told his servants to invite anyone they saw, who were "going out from the City" (according to the Greek "diexodous") (Matt.22:8-9). These were given the opportunity to share in the marriage banquet. Today, all are being offered the truth of things that were previously hidden, such as the understanding of Revelation. Many anointed will not receive this spiritual food, because they are not worthy. They are busy filling their lamps with fuel that is teachings from men, or they are following their own thoughts independent of the body of Christ. These will not be given the true light of understanding (Matt.25:9-12). Their lamps, shine out darkness, because their "eye" of understanding is not "simple", exclusively guided by means of scripture (Matt.6:22-23; John8:47). Yet, those who have been drawn out of the corrupt "City" by Yhwh's spirit (Rev.18:10,18,4; Matt.22:7,9,10), will be invited to share in that feast of true food (Rev.19:9). It will be up to them if they are humble and appreciative enough, to attend and eat.
The next thing you say,

At least these are now partaking at home, after the Hall Memorial. That's a big plus.

If you are saying that you believe that the New Covenant is for all, and not for the sins of the Chosen heirs only; YHVH has plainly shown me how the ransom applies first, to the anointed. This is through the Covenant by virtue of Christ's blood (Luke22:20). Please consider Rev. 5:9,10:

And they sing a new song, saying: 'You are worthy to take the scroll and open its seals, because you were slaughtered and ~with your blood you bought~ ~persons~ ~for God~ out of every tribe and tongue and people and nation, ~and you made~ ~them~ ~to be a kingdom and priests to our God, and they are to rule as kings over the earth.'~

This is only one of the many scriptures that indicate a small piece of what spirit has plainly shown me, concerning all the truths of the Kingdom, and how the ransom is applied to mankind in general, through it's ambassadors, priests, and kings (Matt.7:20; Rev.22:2; Matt.10:40-42; Gal.4:19; Rev.12:2; Gal.4:26; Rev.21:2-3; 1Pet.2:5,9; Mal.2:7). The New Covenant, which ends/is fulfilled, at the arrival/ coming of Christ (1Cor.11:26) is for that administration (Eph.1:9,10,11,12,13,14; Mark13:27), which is then completed. It is through them as the Bride Covenant/ "woman" (Gal.4:26), that Creation is set free (Num.8:19,21; Rom.8:17,19; Rev.22:17), unlike the New Covenant, which initially sets the priests free from sin (Lev.16:6; Heb.9:11,12). First the mother must be free. Then those born to her, are also set free from sin, darkness, and death. First, there must be a free mother. Then the mother must marry a free father (Isa.9:6; Luke 4:16-21; John8:36). After the marriage of the lamb, children will be brought forth (Rev.19:7-9).The New Covenant is for those who rule (Luke22:29; Rev.3:21; 5:9-10). All Creation will not be redeemed through Christ only (as the anointed are), but through New Jerusalem and Christ ~together~. Once that Holy City is finally made complete, God's Kingdom commences, to the benefit of all who have obeyed the gospel of Christ. But in the meantime, those who belong to that heavenly city (Eph.2:6), offer the healing fruit of their lips (Matt.7:20; Rev.22:2) to those who accept Gods' sons (Rom.8:19; Ps.82:6; Gal.3:26,29; Rom.8:17).
For those who are not being redeemed (receiving a white robe Rev.6:9,11; 12:11; 19:7,8) ~now~, in order to be ~cleansed for Kingdom Rule~; the emblems ~of that cleansing~ are not for them. The cleansing of the sins of the 144000 and great crowd of final priests (who come through the great tribulation), is through the blood of the Lamb (Rev.14:1; 7:9,14) It is important to realize that the "Great Crowd" are the last remnant (Rev.12:17), who come through end-time tribulation (see pearl-greatcrowd.blogspot.com ) The partaking of the emblems stop, when this promise is fulfilled for the Chosen (1Cor.11:26; Rev.20:5) Try to remember that Jesus fulfilled ~the Passover~ (1Cor.5:7; John1:29). Try to remember that the blood of the Passover lamb, was not for the saving of all Israel, but for the saving of the Firstborn (Exodus12:12,13; Num.3:13; Heb.11:28; 12:23; Rev.14:4). These "firstborn" ones are the first imperfect humans to be born again and released from sin and death by means of Christ's blood. The rest come to life subsequently, by means of Bride, Holy City New Jerusalem, and the Trees of Life who make up that City of living stones. Trees which offer the fruit which "cures the Nations" (Rev.22:1,2). All, whether chosen to be the bride of Christ, or her children, must be born again as spirit, in order to see God's kingdom (John3:3,5-6; 1Pet.1:23). All are born through the faithful and sealed anointed who have fulfilled the covenant promise in heaven (Gal.4:26).
That mother provides living water to others (Rev.22:1-2,17). Some are born now, by God's spirit, directly poured into their hearts, and his laws written on their heart by God's finger. They accept Christ, and live. They are tutored and nurtured by those already mature, to become members of the Bride (2Cor.11:2-3). Others are born through an acceptance of the living water, spirit, and truth from Christ's Bride (Matt.25:34-36,41,45; Matt.10:14-15; John13:20; Mark 9:37). By their treatment of God's messengers, they are judged. They are brought into account, at the last day. The difference between these two groups is seen in Jesus' words, at John11:25-26; 6:63,54,40,47-50 (John5:24; Rom.8:9; Eph.2:6). It is a wicked abomination for those who are not being raised up now, to partake of the emblems which are reserved as a symbol of Holy Promise, between those betrothed to the Christ, and their husbandly Lord. To take the emblems into oneself, is to become one "body" with Christ (1Cor.6:17; John17:22). Those who in presumption, do not discern this body of the Head, Christ (1Cor.12:27; 6:15) as a loyal husband is one flesh, only with his wife; drink judgement to themselves (1Cor.11:29,27).
That body of Christ, ~are anointed ones~ (1Cor.12:12,27-31). Partaking of the symbols of Christ's body, is to become symbolically, one flesh with him according to the promise. This is only for the virgins promised to Christ (2Cor.11:2; Rev.14:4) In godly fear, I certainly hope that a right to spiritual fornication with Christ, is not something you promote, to the destruction of all those who heed it (1Cor.11:29). Yet if it is, and this teaching is not sourced in scripture, there is yet time to correct this teaching. We are all being cleansed, refined, and perfected in the hope that by the arrival of Christ, we can be "~finally~ found" "without spot" or blemish (2Pet.3:14). This is why the parts of Christ's body, need one another to build one another up, in Truth (1Cor.14:26; 12:21; Eph.4:11,12). If you are actually saying that you believe that those not chosen to be one body with Christ, should show a marriage to him by taking his body into themselves; ~please provide me the scriptures which have guided you to this conclusion.~ Certainly we can not take it upon ourselves to leave the Bible's guidance, but more-so when we teach others and direct their actions before God (James 3:1).
Regarding one of your last comments:

I do believe in your anointing, and although I cannot see all your explanations being perfect as far as what things in Revelation in particular say

Please do not remain silent about the things you do not see eye to eye with (Eph.4:25; Zech.8:16). My explanations must be limited for each subject. The Truth is as wide as the sky, and I must choose how far to spread the border of what I discuss in each article. I have often received supplemental questions by individuals, requesting further proof or explanation of what perplexes them personally. If you ask, then I am made able to answer your personal questions, so that whatever point you do not clearly see as being scriptural, I can show you the scriptures to. In this way, individuals are assisted with their own doubts. There have been many times that an article is then made more beneficial for someone who did not benefit initially. Additions I then add, benefit all, including me. Each one has their own questions. I can not cover all Truth in each article, but if a point in particular is of personal interest to you, or is hard for you to see, if you let me know what it is, then you give both of us the opportunity to learn more. Please do not read an article, and leave it with unanswered questions, or worse, assumptions without scripture. If you need more, please request it of me. This has often lead to anointed ones having their vision clarified and re-adjusted, including myself. Any explanations I have given which you do not agree with, please speak up so that we may be "perfected" ~through the~ ~Bible's~ ~answer~. Again, I thank you so much for writing me. It is the will of YHWH and Christ that we come together, for many beneficial reasons. YHWH's spirit bless you with faith, hope, love, and Truth. Love, Pearl

Just reminiscing about a wild, but oddly educational experience from my formative years. I was visiting my grandparents in their small, cozy town, a place as peaceful as it gets. Here, my grandmother, a delightful lady, was known for her cooking skills. She held a record for the best apple pie in town.
One chilly afternoon, while she was making her legendary pie, I decided to offer my assistance. Emboldened by my culinary competence (or lack thereof), I assumed the task of following her recipe to bake one myself. I mean, how hard could it be, right?
She took out a weathered piece of paper, the official holder of the illustrious apple pie recipe. I followed the steps to the letter - a dash of cinnamon, a dollop of butter, Granny Smith apples, and so on. Finally, with trepidation and hope, I put my creation into the oven.
An hour later, not so much an apple pie, but an apple disaster greeted us. Disillusioned, I looked at grandma, who was trying hard to hold back chuckles.
She then explained, her recipe, as I had followed it, was a schema - a structured set of preconceived ideas. It provided a basic outline, but the essence of the apple pie was what she called her 'mental schema'.
This mental schema, she explained, was her personal understanding and experience she used to tweak the recipe - when to add a little extra cinnamon for zing, or reducing the heat at just the right moment. Basically, she used her mental schema to interpret and use the schema effectively and creatively.
That day, I learned a valuable lesson - we all have schemas or models, but it's our mental schema, influenced by our individual experiences and knowledge that truly make a difference. I still can't bake an apple pie as good as grandma's, but hey, at least now I know why!
P.S. This story may or may not involve real events, but the apple pie fiasco is a relatable metaphor for how we can use mental models in our daily lives. It's all about finding the perfect balance between following the schema and riding the wave of your mental schema. And yes, I still can't bake to save my life!

OK, so this title is a bit unfair, but inspired by two recent incidents. I am giving the executor the fake name of Riley. Riley sent me on an errand to get a checklist from [REDACTED BIG BANK] for what would be needed for an estate account. Riley does not want to ferry documents back and forth. This risks documents getting misplaced, lost, or stolen. It is also just frustrating to make such trips when trying to live life. I am expecting to pick up a pamphlet.
The guy I meet, an Assistant Vice President at [REDACTED BIG BANK], proceeds to tell me that you don't set up an estate account when you are in probate for a decedent's assets, you set it up beforehand to avoid probate. Explicit instructions from our attorney and a simple Google search of "estate account" "probate" "executor" "Illinois" reveal he is wrong and in fact this is exactly what you do when you are in probate in Illinois. I was also told that the letter of office was not enough.
I am open to the idea that as I openly stated I can't make decisions and just wanted information, a very busy employee was half-listening and seeking to shoo me out in favor of people who can generate him money. What did not help this experience was that his eyes lit up at the mention of the in-law's trust. I had mentioned a pour over will when trying to explain probate to him as it was explained to me by the lawyers. Trust was the half where he listened (kind of).
Riley is also under contract for a house. Riley explained at the start of the process about Riley’s entitlement to reimbursements from the estate in the near future and that Riley’s no-interest credit card balance will be $0 after such reimbursement. The underwriter asked for "proof Riley is the trustee." At this point, a trust had not come up, but somehow a finance professional thought a trust and estate were the same thing. Since Riley is a successor trustee, Riley just sent those forms rather than go back and forth.
This raises the question. In these circumstances, how do "regular folks" explain probate concepts to people whose cooperation we need without having to get the attorneys involved? While we are in Illinois, I don't think a poster needs to know Illinois to advise on essentially the soft skills of pushing back on silliness.

(F27) Looking for some advice as a Canadian citizen looking to possibly relocate to the U.S. to work as a new graduate Registered Nurse.
I was born and raised in southern Ontario and currently live in a small town. I love living here but the cost of living is becoming almost impossible to afford to buy a house, start a family, etc.
I was just offered my dream job here in Ontario. It is a full-time position in an area of nursing that I’m passionate about, but it’s not an area where I’ll be using a lot of “hands on” nursing skills.
I have also been offered a position in a nurse residency program in Fort Wayne, Indiana in med-surg. Keep in mind, I’ve never visited Indiana but have visited other states and love the U.S. and have dreamt of living here/working here as an RN once I graduated.
I think the residency program would be great for me as a new graduate, trying to gain some confidence in my nursing skills. I didn’t get any hospital clinicals throughout my RN program so I’m really lacking confidence and critical thinking skills. The hospital also offers relocation assistance, sign on bonus, tuition reimbursement, etc.
Alot of my family and friends have encouraged me to move to the states once I have my RN because of the pay, quality of life, etc. However, I’m really torn because I know it would be a big leap to move out of my comfort zone and walk away from a dream job to an area of uncertainty.
Anyone else been in this situation or have any advice/suggestions?

(F27) Looking for some advice as a Canadian citizen looking to possibly relocate to the U.S. to work as a new graduate Registered Nurse.
I was born and raised in southern Ontario and currently live in a small town. I love living here but the cost of living is becoming almost impossible to afford to buy a house, start a family, etc.
I was just offered my dream job here in Ontario. It is a full-time position in an area of nursing that I’m passionate about, but it’s not an area where I’ll be using a lot of “hands on” nursing skills.
I have also been offered a position in a nurse residency program in Fort Wayne, Indiana in med-surg. Keep in mind, I’ve never visited Indiana but have visited other states and love the U.S. and have dreamt of living here/working here as an RN once I graduated.
I think the residency program would be great for me as a new graduate, trying to gain some confidence in my nursing skills. I didn’t get any hospital clinicals throughout my RN program so I’m really lacking confidence and critical thinking skills. The hospital also offers relocation assistance, sign on bonus, tuition reimbursement, etc.
Alot of my family and friends have encouraged me to move to the states once I have my RN because of the pay, quality of life, etc. However, I’m really torn because I know it would be a big leap to move out of my comfort zone and walk away from a dream job to an area of uncertainty.
Anyone else been in this situation or have any advice/suggestions?

(F27) Looking for some advice as a Canadian citizen looking to possibly relocate to the U.S. to work as a new graduate Registered Nurse.
I was born and raised in southern Ontario and currently live in a small town. I love living here but the cost of living is becoming almost impossible to afford to buy a house, start a family, etc.
I was just offered my dream job here in Ontario. It is a full-time position in an area of nursing that I’m passionate about, but it’s not an area where I’ll be using a lot of “hands on” nursing skills.
I have also been offered a position in a nurse residency program in Fort Wayne, Indiana in med-surg. Keep in mind, I’ve never visited Indiana but have visited other states and love the U.S. and have dreamt of living here/working here as an RN once I graduated.
I think the residency program would be great for me as a new graduate, trying to gain some confidence in my nursing skills. I didn’t get any hospital clinicals throughout my RN program so I’m really lacking confidence and critical thinking skills. The hospital also offers relocation assistance, sign on bonus, tuition reimbursement, etc.
Alot of my family and friends have encouraged me to move to the states once I have my RN because of the pay, quality of life, etc. However, I’m really torn because I know it would be a big leap to move out of my comfort zone and walk away from a dream job to an area of uncertainty.
Anyone else been in this situation or have any advice/suggestions?

(F27) Looking for some advice as a Canadian citizen looking to possibly relocate to the U.S. to work as a new graduate Registered Nurse.
I was born and raised in southern Ontario and currently live in a small town. I love living here but the cost of living is becoming almost impossible to afford to buy a house, start a family, etc.
I was just offered my dream job here in Ontario. It is a full-time position in an area of nursing that I’m passionate about, but it’s not an area where I’ll be using a lot of “hands on” nursing skills.
I have also been offered a position in a nurse residency program in Fort Wayne, Indiana in med-surg. Keep in mind, I’ve never visited Indiana but have visited other states and love the U.S. and have dreamt of living here/working here as an RN once I graduated.
I think the residency program would be great for me as a new graduate, trying to gain some confidence in my nursing skills. I didn’t get any hospital clinicals throughout my RN program so I’m really lacking confidence and critical thinking skills. The hospital also offers relocation assistance, sign on bonus, tuition reimbursement, etc.
Alot of my family and friends have encouraged me to move to the states once I have my RN because of the pay, quality of life, etc. However, I’m really torn because I know it would be a big leap to move out of my comfort zone and walk away from a dream job to an area of uncertainty.
Anyone else been in this situation or have any advice/suggestions?

Naguguluhan na po ako. Nagpasa ako ng resignation letter nung friday tapos nagmemessage na sakin yung isa sa manager namin. Ang dinahilan ko lang is gusto ko ng full attention sa review ng CPALE. Kasi gusto ko sana umalis ng tahimik kasi sobrang toxic sa work talaga.
Mag 2 years na pala ako this month. Yung manager kasi namin may cancer so naggagamot pa din siya hanggang ngayon. Bago siya umalis nag meeting na kaming accounting dept na ako muna yung gagawa ng work ng manager namin. Nung time na yon hindi sinabi ng manager namin yung totoong dahilan kung bakit ako yung pinili niya. Sinabi niya lang na kasi daw yung isang senior namin is maraming ginagawa and ako wala naman akong anak so ako nalang daw. Sinabi niya daw yon kasi ayaw niyang pag initan nila ako lalo and parang ayaw niya saktan yung feelings nila kasi matagal na sila like 6-10 years.
Ang ginagawa ko lang before ilipat sakin yung responsibilities is mag bank recon, prep ng check and vouchers, and mag record ng disbursement sa books and nag momonitor din ako ng AP and AR pero nagccheck lang ako ng discrepancies and kung tama yung mga entries ng accounting assistants. So nung umalis yung manager namin maraming naiwan na trabaho. Like yung annual ITR and Working file ng FS ng 2023. Medyo nahirapan ako nung una kasi biglaan pero natapos ko naman with guidance ng external auditor namin.
Ramdam na ramdam ko yung hate and judgements ng mga ka work ko sakin kaya nag decide nakong mag resign kasi hindi ko na talaga kaya. Ang akala kasi nila favorite ako ng manager kaya sakin binigay. And feeling nila ang unfair kasi yung isa naming ka work is matagal na. okay naman siya pero di siya masyadong maalam sa accounting kasi di naman siya BSA graduate.
Ang dami ko ng natutunan sa loob ng 2 years. And medyo nanghihinayang ako sa career growth and opportunities kasi okay naman yung company. Yung mga tao lang talaga.
Sa upuan nako ng manager namin naka upo kasi pinalipat ako ng boss namin. Kaya mas lalong ang tindi ng galit nila sakin ngayon.
So about dito kay senior ang ginagawa niya po is nagprepare din ng checks and siya yung nagfffile and pay sa EFPS. Pero mostly ng pinafile niya is hindi naman sa kanya galing yung data. Kumbaga for example sa vat return ako yung nag compile ng summary ng data siya lang yung magplot ng amounts and details sa SLSP same din sa ITR. Siya din nag aasikaso ng lahat ng mga requirements like PCAB, registration ng kung ano ano, and if may loa kami siya nakikipag usap. Pero si senior po isa walang access sa accounting software namin hindi din siya marunong. Kumbaga for compliances mostly yung mga ginagawa niya.
Dalawang post na ni senior yung about sa favoritsm sa fb this month. And nalaman ko sa mga ka work namin na may mga nagsasabi na ang swerte ko daw kasi bago palang ako pero nandon na daw ako nakaupo sa manager namin. And favorite nga daw ako ng manager.
Halos tingin nilang lahat sakin is nandon because I was a favorite not because of my skills and understanding ng company industry namin and accounting graduate naman po ako.
Madaming hindi maganda sa company namin like yung management. Hindi ko nga alam kung napromote ba ako. Kasi walang proper announcement at walang kasulatan. Nagkaroon kami ng evaluation and ako yung pinag evaluate sa accounting dept. tapos nakalagay don yung pangalan ko as supervisor. Pero hindi talaga malinaw kung na promote ba ako kasi ang nakagawian po samin is may written announcement tapos lahat po don ng empleyado pipirma para ipaalam sa lahat. Bale nadagdagan lang po ng 5k yung sahod ko tapos nalipat lang ng table. Feeling ko po kahit yung management para sa kanila parang di ko deserve ma promote kasi bago palang ako. Yung po yung naiisip ko.
January 2024 po nag turn over sakin yung manager. And para po sakin kahit papaano may napatunayan na po ako kasi na meet ko naman lahat ng deadlines and nasurvive ko yung busy season mag isa. Sa totoo lang po magulo yung books of accounts namin maraming abnormal balances sa FS and P&L kasi under-skilled po talaga yung mga accounting assistants namin. Kaya nahirapan talaga ako and first job ko din po kasi ito nung nakagraduate ako. Sabi naman po sakin ng isang manager magpatulong daw ako sa senior and sa iba. Kaya lang nung nagpatulong ako sa kanila wala silang nagawa. Hindi ko alam kung sinasadya nila or hindi lang nila maintindihan. And hanggang ngayon po wala din naman silang dinagdag na staff kahit may budget naman bale ang dami ko pong ginagawa. Yung responsibilities ko noon at yung sa manager. Yung pag gawa lang ng cheke yung natanggal po sakin tapos 24k lang yung sahod ko. Feeling ko nga din po sinasadya nila para kusa nalang ako sumuko and kapag nagkamali ako isisi lahat sakin.
So bukas po may pasok na naman at expected ko na po yon na pipigilan ako and kakausapin na naman po ako. Gusto ko lang po sana manghingi ng advice na if mag stay pa rin po ako gusto ko sana isuggest sa kanila na mag conduct ng exam or knowledge test between me and my senior. Para po magkaroon ng formalities. Kasi kahit papaano gusto ko din sana mag stay yung boss po kasi namin nagsabi na sakin na sabihin ko lang daw mga need ko sa review sasagutin niya daw lahat.
Or mag resign nalang po ba ako ng tahimik na kunware gusto ko lang talaga mag focus sa CPALE. Kasi po napapagod na din talaga ako ☹️

I know it sounds stupid, but for gods sake we’re drowning daily😭

Got my (28M) letter back from the Mormon church today that says I am no longer on their records.
Feels weird and amazing, like a new chapter of my life.
What are some fun ways to celebrate?
My TBM wife is having a difficult time with it even though she knew I had submitted my resignation.

Help Wanted: Poker Tournament Host

Are you passionate about poker and skilled at creating a thrilling gaming atmosphere? Our exclusive Private Members Club is looking for an enthusiastic and experienced individual to host our poker tournaments.
**Position:** Poker Tournament Host
**Location:** [Your City/Club Name]
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**Responsibilities:**

• Organize and oversee poker tournaments, ensuring a smooth and enjoyable experience for all members.
  
• Manage tournament logistics, including setup, seating arrangements, and prize distribution.
  
• Enforce club rules and ensure fair play.
  
• Provide a welcoming and engaging environment for all participants.
  
• Assist with member inquiries and maintain a high standard of customer service.
  

**Requirements:**

• Previous experience hosting or participating in poker tournaments.
  
• Strong understanding of poker rules and strategies.
  
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• Ability to manage and resolve conflicts professionally.
  
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If you are ready to bring your poker expertise to our esteemed club, we would love to hear from you!
**How to Apply:**
Please send your resume and a brief cover letter to [Email Address]. Applications will be reviewed on a rolling basis.
Join us in creating unforgettable poker experiences at our Private Members Club!

Help Wanted: Poker Tournament Host

Are you passionate about poker and skilled at creating a thrilling gaming atmosphere? Our exclusive Private Members Club is looking for an enthusiastic and experienced individual to host our poker tournaments.
**Position:** Poker Tournament Host
**Location:** [Your City/Club Name]
**Type:** Part-time/Full-time
**Responsibilities:**

• Organize and oversee poker tournaments, ensuring a smooth and enjoyable experience for all members.
  
• Manage tournament logistics, including setup, seating arrangements, and prize distribution.
  
• Enforce club rules and ensure fair play.
  
• Provide a welcoming and engaging environment for all participants.
  
• Assist with member inquiries and maintain a high standard of customer service.
  

**Requirements:**

• Previous experience hosting or participating in poker tournaments.
  
• Strong understanding of poker rules and strategies.
  
• Excellent communication and interpersonal skills.
  
• Ability to manage and resolve conflicts professionally.
  
• Detail-oriented and highly organized.
  
• Flexibility to work evenings and weekends.
  

**Benefits:**

• Competitive compensation.
  
• Access to club amenities.
  
• Opportunity to be part of an exclusive and dynamic community.
  

If you are ready to bring your poker expertise to our esteemed club, we would love to hear from you!
**How to Apply:**
Please send your resume and a brief cover letter to [Email Address]. Applications will be reviewed on a rolling basis.
[pokernightoutli@gmail.com](mailto:pokernightoutli@gmail.com)
516-329-7813
Join us in creating unforgettable poker experiences at our Private Members Club!

Uploaded 13 MITM scripts. Asked it to write two scripts: one with a prompt from me and one without.
My prompt:
Reese is a billionaire. Having not showered for a month in an attempt to force a girl to dump him, medical science discovered a cure for cancer inside the mould on his body.
He enjoys being petty and lauding his new success over everyone. Malcolm is assistant manager at Lucky Aide; Craig is his boss. Dewey has some success in music. Francis and Piama have many kids. One was killed after the rocket-powered stroller Malcolm built went haywire and crashed into Lucky aide. Hal is Reese's dogsbody at the mansion.
**INT. REESE'S MANSION - DAY**
*The mansion is lavish, but the family’s interactions bring out an absurd contrast. The living room is enormous, filled with expensive decor, and an oversized portrait of Reese hangs on the wall. Lois, now in her early 60s, is sitting on an opulent couch, knitting furiously. Hal, also in his early 60s, is polishing a chandelier awkwardly, occasionally muttering to himself.*
**LOIS**
Hal, if that chandelier sparkles any more, it’s going to blind someone.
**HAL**
(balancing on a ladder)
It’s Reese’s orders, Lois. He wants everything to shine, especially his ego.
*The door opens and Dewey, now 33 and dressed in a casual yet stylish outfit, walks in with a guitar case slung over his shoulder.*
DEWEY
Hey Mom, Dad. Just got back from my latest gig. The crowd actually knew the words to my songs this time.
LOIS
(smiling)
That's wonderful, Dewey. Maybe someday they'll spell your name right on the marquee.
HAL
(teasing)
Don't get your hopes up too high, son. Remember when they called you "Dewey Decimal"?
DEWEY
(sighing)
Yeah, that was a low point.
*Reese, 38, enters, wearing an outlandish designer suit. He’s holding a champagne glass and has an obnoxiously smug grin.*
**REESE**
Ah, the smell of success... and the faint scent of cancer-curing mold. How’s everyone doing in my mansion today?
**DEWEY**
(sighs)
We’re fine, Reese.
*Malcolm, 37, enters wearing a disheveled Lucky Aide uniform, looking defeated.*
**MALCOLM**
Assistant Manager Malcolm reporting for duty. Another day of stacking shelves and avoiding Craig’s motivational speeches.
**CRAIG (O.S.)**
(excitedly)
Malcolm, you're late! There are sales figures to review!
**CRAIG**
(enters, looking chipper)
Malcolm, you need to embody the Lucky Aide spirit! Which, coincidentally, is just like your soul – non-existent!
**MALCOLM**
(deadpan)
Good morning to you too, Craig.
*Francis, 42, enters with Piama, 39, followed by a gaggle of children. They look tired but resilient.*
**FRANCIS**
Hey everyone, the gang’s all here. I barely managed to wrangle the kids into the minivan without losing one.
**PIAMA**
(holding a baby)
Francis, we did lose one. Remember? Little Jamie.
**FRANCIS**
(clearly struggling)
Oh right, how could I forget. Thanks for the rocket-powered stroller, Malcolm.
**MALCOLM**
(muttering)
I was just trying to help...
**REESE**
(laughing)
That’s right! Malcolm’s bright idea to save energy by rocketing Jamie around. Talk about a crash course in parenting.
*Hal finishes polishing and descends the ladder, his back creaking audibly.*
**HAL**
(to Reese)
Is there anything else you need, Master Reese?
**REESE**
(smirking)
Just your dignity, Dad. Oh wait, I already have that hanging on the wall.
*He points to a framed piece of paper that says "Hal’s Dignity" in elaborate calligraphy. Francis tries to gather his children, who are running around the room causing chaos.*
**FRANCIS**
Kids, gather round! Uncle Reese has some... interesting stories about how not to become a complete sociopath.
**REESE**
(grinning)
Careful, Francis, or I might just buy your children and send them to a Swiss boarding school.
*Lois looks up from her knitting, her expression stern.*
**LOIS**
Reese, why don’t you show a little humility?
**REESE**
(mockingly)
Humility? That’s rich coming from the woman who terrorized us all with her iron fist. Remember, Mom, you raised me to be this way.
*Piama finally speaks up, trying to maintain some normalcy.*
**PIAMA**
Reese, why don’t you use some of your money to help Francis and me find a place of our own? This mansion is... a bit much.
**REESE**
(smirking)
Why would I do that? Watching you all squirm is the best entertainment my money can buy. Plus, it keeps you all under my thumb.
*The family looks at each other, a mix of resignation and frustration. Malcolm, trying to muster some hope, speaks up.*
**MALCOLM**
You know, Reese, money can’t buy happiness.
**REESE**
(grinning wider)
No, but it can buy a rocket-powered stroller. Right, Malcolm?
*The family doesn’t laugh. They just continue with their tasks, each of them silently dealing with their own absurd reality.*
REESE Oh, come on. You all are acting like I haven't earned this. Remember when I stopped showering for a month to force my girlfriend to dump me, and medical science found a cancer-curing mold on my body? Yeah, when you become a billionaire by accident, then we can talk about humility and charity.
LOIS (grimly) I still can't believe that's what made you rich. It's like the universe played a cruel joke on us.
HAL (to himself) And I’m the punchline...
Francis tries to calm down one of his screaming kids, who is running around the room with a toy sword.
FRANCIS (to the kid) Hey, buddy, maybe Uncle Reese can buy you a real sword next time.
PIAMA Francis, don't encourage him. The last thing we need is Reese arming the children.
REESE (laughing) Now there's an idea. A fully armed and operational battle station... of children.
Lois, unable to take it anymore, stands up and faces Reese directly.
LOIS Reese, this isn't funny. You're sitting on all this money, while the rest of us are struggling. Have a heart, for once in your life.
REESE (mock sympathy) Oh, I’m sorry, Mom. Did you want a loan? Maybe I could throw you a few million to ease your pain?
DEWEY (flatly) How generous of you, Reese. Maybe after you’re done pretending to care, you could actually do something helpful.
REESE (smirking) Ah, Dewey, always the moral compass. How’s that working out for you in the real world?
Malcolm finally speaks up, tired of Reese's constant gloating.
MALCOLM You know what, Reese? Enjoy it while it lasts. Because at the end of the day, you’re just as miserable as the rest of us. Money can’t fix everything.
REESE (leaning forward) Maybe not, but it sure makes it a hell of a lot more fun.
The family continues their tasks in silence, each of them dealing with their absurd lives. The camera pulls back, showing the entire family together, yet worlds apart.
NARRATOR (MALCOLM) (TC) And there it is. Twenty years later, and we’re still stuck in this crazy dynamic. But hey, at least we’re in it together. Even if together means living under the reign of King Reese.
Fade out as the family continues to interact, each dealing with their bizarre lives.
END.
This is the script ChatGPT generated with no prompts from me.
INT. FAMILY LIVING ROOM - DAY
The living room looks lived-in and somewhat cluttered, but there's an air of warmth. Lois, now in her early 70s, sits on the couch, reading a book. Hal, in his early 70s, is trying to fix a broken lamp.
LOIS Hal, if that lamp could talk, it would ask you to stop torturing it.
HAL (holding wires) I'm almost there, Lois. Just a few more tweaks...
The door bursts open, and in walks Dewey, now 33. He's a music teacher with a calm demeanor but still carries a playful spirit.
DEWEY Guess who just composed an entire symphony based on cat meows?
LOIS (smiling) Let me guess, you?
DEWEY Absolutely. And I think the school might actually play it this time.
Reese, 38, enters, wearing a police uniform. He's matured but still has a mischievous glint in his eye.
REESE Hey, Dewey, did you finally convince them to give you real instruments?
DEWEY You'd be surprised how versatile a classroom full of recorders can be.
Malcolm, 37, walks in with a briefcase. He looks every bit the successful professional but carries the weight of his responsibilities.
MALCOLM (deep sigh) Tough day at the office.
HAL You know, I still don’t understand why you didn’t go for that cushy research job in Switzerland.
MALCOLM It’s called ambition, Dad. Plus, the world needs policymakers who understand quantum physics.
LOIS And your father needs someone who understands how to fix a lamp.
MALCOLM (laughing) Let's call an electrician before Dad electrocutes himself.
Francis, now 42, enters with his wife Piama, 39. Francis looks rugged and has clearly embraced his life on the ranch.
FRANCIS Hey, family! Guess who wrangled two wild horses this morning?
PIAMA (smiling) And then tried to convince them to wear cowboy hats.
HAL Francis, you always did know how to talk to animals.
FRANCIS Too bad it doesn’t work on my kids.
Jamie, now 22, enters, holding a baby. He’s grown into a responsible young man, taking after both Lois and Hal in different ways.
JAMIE Mom, Dad, everyone, meet little Lois.
LOIS (teary-eyed) You named her after me?
JAMIE Of course. We wanted her to have a strong name.
The family gathers around the baby, cooing and fussing over her. The doorbell rings, and Reese opens it to reveal Craig, in his late 60s, holding a cake.
CRAIG I heard there’s a family reunion and thought I’d crash the party with cake!
LOIS (sighs) Come on in, Craig. You’re practically family at this point.
CRAIG (placing the cake on the table) I’m honored. So, who wants to hear about my new job at the library?
MALCOLM (smirking) As long as it doesn’t involve you dressing up as a book.
CRAIG Oh, Malcolm, you wound me.
The family laughs, and the camera pulls back, showing the entire family together, enjoying the moment.
NARRATOR (MALCOLM) (TC) Twenty years later, and we're still as chaotic as ever. But I wouldn’t trade this crazy family for anything. Well, maybe for a Nobel Prize... but then again, probably not.
Fade out as the family continues to chat and laugh.
END.

.

.

Find a health plan:

• Out 2 Enroll

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Understand how to use health insurance for transition-related care:

• Trans Health Project

Maintained the Trans Legal Defense & Edu Fund (TLDEF) - Highly recommend to all trans US residents

- Very thorough

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Determine in-network or out-of-network:

• National Provider Information Registry

• NPI is useful for searching health insurance plan's directory of covered providers
• Sometimes name searches won't show-up correctly; sometimes NPI searches won't either
• Directories can be out of date
• Always confirm with the provider's office whether they are in-network or out-of-network*

.

Get required insurance letters for free:

• GALAP

.

Appeals, denials, general insurance navigation:

• TransFamilySOS

• Expert consultant

DM for contact info
Longtime trans-inclusive health insurance advocate who is themself trans - Decades of experience - Assists securing inclusive employee and union member health benefit plans - Individual assistance appealing denials/exclusions - I don't post contact info publicly due to trolls - I am not affiliated
.

General legal landscape:

• Movement Advancement Project (MAP)

• 👍 Map of US: bans on trans exclusions in health insurance (policies that bar health insurers from explicitly refusing to cover trans-related healthcare benefits)
  

- 👎 Map of US: bans on providing trans-related healthcare to youth

.

Find provider options:

• Trans Media Network websites:

Lists of known surgeons worldwide offering services
Important Note: Trans Media Network accepts paid advertising. Just because a provider is featured prominently does not mean they are necessarily endorsed or recommended by the site.
Surgeons with reported histories of patient harm, neglect, and abandonment are listed on these sites. - #TransHealthcare.org - #MTFSurgery.net - #TopSurgery.net - #Hysto.net - #Metoidioplasty.net

- #Phallo.net

.

Legal help with insurance:

• Trans Health Project

• Transgender Law Center

• National Center for Lesbian Rights

• Not limited to lesbians
• Long history of advocating for and defending the rights of all trans people (not just lesbian trans women)

• National Center for Trans Equality

• Lambda Legal

• American Civil Liberties Union

• Find local ACLU

• Sylvia Rivera Law Project

• Medicare Rights Center

• Campaign for Southern Equality:

• Trans in the South Guide
• Additional Resources List

• Equality Federation

• Find state's LGBT state-wide orgs

- May be able to provide referrals to lawyers/other resources

.

.

.

Find a health plan:

• Out 2 Enroll

.

Understand how to use health insurance for transition-related care:

• Trans Health Project

Maintained the Trans Legal Defense & Edu Fund (TLDEF) - Highly recommend to all trans US residents

- Very thorough

.

Determine in-network or out-of-network:

• National Provider Information Registry

• NPI is useful for searching health insurance plan's directory of covered providers
• Sometimes name searches won't show-up correctly; sometimes NPI searches won't either
• Directories can be out of date
• Always confirm with the provider's office whether they are in-network or out-of-network*

.

Get required insurance letters for free:

• GALAP

.

Appeals, denials, general insurance navigation:

• TransFamilySOS

• Expert consultant

DM for contact info
Longtime trans-inclusive health insurance advocate who is themself trans - Decades of experience - Assists securing inclusive employee and union member health benefit plans - Individual assistance appealing denials/exclusions - I don't post contact info publicly due to trolls - I am not affiliated
.

General legal landscape:

• Movement Advancement Project (MAP)

• 👍 Map of US: bans on trans exclusions in health insurance (policies that bar health insurers from explicitly refusing to cover trans-related healthcare benefits)
  

- 👎 Map of US: bans on providing trans-related healthcare to youth

.

Find provider options:

• Trans Media Network websites:

Lists of known surgeons worldwide offering services
Important Note: Trans Media Network accepts paid advertising. Just because a provider is featured prominently does not mean they are necessarily endorsed or recommended by the site.
Surgeons with reported histories of patient harm, neglect, and abandonment are listed on these sites. - #TransHealthcare.org - #TopSurgery.net - #Hysto.net - #Metoidioplasty.net

- #Phallo.net

.

Legal help with insurance:

• Trans Health Project

• Transgender Law Center

• National Center for Lesbian Rights

• Not limited to lesbians
• Long history of advocating for and defending the rights of all trans people (not just lesbian trans women)

• National Center for Trans Equality

• Lambda Legal

• American Civil Liberties Union

• Find local ACLU

• Sylvia Rivera Law Project

• Medicare Rights Center

• Campaign for Southern Equality:

• Trans in the South Guide
• Additional Resources List

• Equality Federation

• Find state's LGBT state-wide orgs

- May be able to provide referrals to lawyers/other resources

.

This is a crossover fanfiction between original fiction titles: Nature of Predators by SpacePaladin15 and The Last Angel by Proximal Flame respectively. All credit and rights reserved goes to them for making such amazing science fiction settings that I wanted to put this together.
You can read The Last Angel here: Be warned, it's decently long, and at its third installment so far. I highly suggest reading it before reading this, or this story will not make sense.

Otherwise, enjoy the story! Thanks again to u/jesterra54 and u/skais01 for beta and checking of work!
First Prev Next (soon)
Memory transcription subject: Adjek, Venlil Space Corps Engineer
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
I had departed with a collection of other engineers who had assisted on the tethering of Nemesis several days ago back to her massive ship. There were twenty-five of us, although none I knew directly from my work.
As our cargo shuttle entered the direct monitoring range of the beast once more, I felt a bad feeling throughout my fur. I didn't know what, exactly, but it was like we had just stepped into the eyes of a predator lurking in the undergrowth, watching us intently. As if to capitalize on that unease, our pilot Mimek bleated something in a panic that made said fur stand straight.
"T-th-th-there's an Arxur vessel trailing us!"
I whirled onto the oncoming feed near the front of the shuttle. Behind us, was a Arxur Ambusher-class dropship that had taken a path directly behind us. It followed the exact same trajectory as our own, and showed no signs of diverting. I bleated out a panicked command of my own.
"K-kick it! W-we need to get distance from them!"
While I had no authority to tell the pilot what to do in this situation, he must've nevertheless agreed, and as such Mimek kicked the boosters into overdrive to escape their proximity. I kept an eye on the rear display, watching as in response, the Arxur craft opened up its own engines, as if to accept the chase, and closed in.
Mimek spoke again. "Why are they chasing us?! D-didn't the humans forbid them from attacking us in-system?!" I had a horrible thought as to why...
"They've fallen to their p-predator bloodlust! They won't be stopped so long as we're in vulnerable space! Close to Nemesis, fast!" I pointed at the guidance lights to the hangar on Nemesis' keel opening. While the Arxur could likely outrun us in an extended burn, we had the advantage in a sprint over a shorter distance. Nemesis was in that shorter distance range, and so we needed to reach it fast to be in its haven.
Mimek, already piloting at full afterburn, corrected the shop in a sharp turn from the plotted approach vector cleared with the Lunar Shipyards. As this occurred, a reminder from the very same monitors came through on comms.
"Venlil ship, this is LSC Tower 3, you have left the agreed final approach vector, adjust your course to match the planned path immediately, do not continue on your current heading."
The humans did not realize the threat we were currently in, and thus the pilot ignored the warning. The Arxur seemingly took our course change as a challenge, and followed suit.
"I repeat, readjust your course heading immediately or fighters will be scrambled. This is your only warning." Even were that the case, we were far too close for them to plot an intercept vector. The shipyard monitors would need at least [one minute] to reach us, and Nemesis was merely [20 seconds] at full-burn-then-brake approach. We would not let the ship closing in behind us catch us, disciplinary action be damned. The damned Arxur succumbed to their predator madness!
A lazy-curve speed burnoff pattern was adopted, and we rocketed at ever-decreasing, but still frightening pace towards Nemesis in an attempt to shake the Ambusher behind us. The hangar was merely moments away, don't fail us now!
The Arxur vessel broke off the chase near the massive docked ship, seemingly slowing for no apparent reason. Perhaps it realized it couldn't slow down as fast as we could, and as such had to? But, that came with another stomach-hurdling problem: us slowing down. If we didn't, we'd crash and turn into nothing but paste on the walls of the gargantuan ship's hangar.
Thankfully, Mimek pulled through, and we zoomed into the hangar space, hitting the emergency external inertial dampener breaking as we attempted landing. The ship skidded across the floor, as it skipped nearly a [fourty meters] to a stop, crashing through something on the way through, but we were moving at such a pace that I had no clue exactly what.
As the ship came to a complete stop, rocking back onto its belly with a final thump, there was the sound of heavy stomping outside, before something rammed into the back of the ship, nearly rocking it off-balance again. "What...what was that?!" We both exclaimed.
We stepped away from the back exit ramp of the vehicle, all twenty five of us, as it began to groan under immense stress. The door dented in, and a few of us instantly cried out in surprise and fear.
And then again. And again. Another rocking of the ship as a dent formed. Another.
And finally, with an unsettling sound of metal being torn through, a crack in the plating of the door turned into a gap that widened into a shaking hole, until the door literally flew off its hydraulic support. The strain spat out fluids and electrical sparking, and several bleated in fear of the sudden disassembly of the door between us and the hangar. Had the Arxur caught up to us? Were we doomed?
But as the burst of electrical smoke cleared, and the light was filtered through our adjusting eyes, what was on the other side shocked me.
A mechanical monstrosity, far bulkier and massive than the one that had confronted my group and I aboard Nemesis stood on the other side. It towered above us, with a intimidatingly large cannon built into one of its arms, aimed dead center into our room, looking more akin to a vehicle's gun than a handheld one. One could see behind it many more of a similar looking model closing in. It spoke in a wrathful tone...Her wrathful tone.
"What the hell are you doing CRASHING INTO ME? There better be a-"
But I felt a chill as it suddenly cut off, and the featureless head of the bipedal robot swiveled to look directly at me instead. Though I could see no clear indicator of eyes like the nightmarish drone I had talked with in the past, I could feel it gaze directly at me, ignoring the others. It suddenly spoke again, a single word conveying contempt dripping in it. The blood in my veins turned cold as the Twilight.
"YOU..."
+CONFED IO.5+
+READING MAIN SEQ.MEM+
+ADDENDUM: ADJUSTED DATE 24.10.2136+
Something's wrong, I can feel it.
The bearing of the approaching ships has left the supposed approach vector, and directly accelerated towards my open hangar bay. While the ships pose no threat to me directly, I am uncertain if they are capable of stopping quickly enough to not risk the human crew that had just landed. I considered my options...
+grab beam non-responsive, schedule systems evaluation immediately+
I had no capability to tractor the ships from their path, and they showed no sign of slowing. I could fire a particle beam in the path of both ships, but there was no ability to tune down the power enough to not destroy the ships, and it would not reduce their velocity. I plotted the relative course of the Venlil shuttle to be coming at this angle, which thankfully was towards the opposite side of the hangar as the Human delegation. That did not remove the possibility of shrapnel from a crash, however.
I interspersed my Praetorians in front of them, seeking to act as a shield in the case of any flying debris. I warned them in the same instant.
"Take cover behind these drones, there is a problem with the landing Venlil ship on route."
"W..What's going on, Red?" Hailey asked, confused. Never had I been this direct with her physically, actively interspersing my drones in front of her and the rest of the scientific delegation.
"They are likely to crash. Predicted acceleration curves of the shuttle do not meet the prerequisite delta-V to stop safely at this current distance and velocity. Duck and cover."
The shuttlecraft streaked into my hangar bay at speeds that would make a 21st century jet blush. It slowed anomalously upon entering, but did not slow at enough rate to prevent the crash. The Praetorians situated on that side of my hangar were incapable of moving fast enough to dodge out of the way, and I was forced to watch as the shuttle crashed through thirty-two of them in a 45-meter break distance, before slamming into a hangar wall. They were built to withstand incredible munition strength, but not twenty-some odd tons of shuttle at near mach speeds. The impact brutally cast them across the deck, smashing some, tearing apart others.
Debris flew from the front of the shuttle outward, but none reached near the humans. Those moronic aliens were about to answer painfully for their incompetence on my deck.
"Dear god!" One of the humans swore at the sound of the shuttle crashing. Another screamed and ducked down further behind my Praetorian. The drone curled down to better envelop her in protection. Hailey was speechless.
A squadron of Praetorians had been closing in from a safe distance throughout the entirety of the crash. They were a mere hundred meters away, only 4.9 seconds to reach the doors. I collided with the shuttlecraft's exit ramp, and slammed repeatedly into the back of it, aiming to create a gap by which to pry the thing off. Eventually, a gap was made, and the Praetorian body wrenched a manipulator into it.
Then, after tearing off the ramp door to the ship, and beginning to interrogate the idiotic fucks at gunpoint, I find no less that a familiar face has come with them. A familiar face I would have rather not seen again in the slightest.
+identity confirmation, Adjek, Venlil engineer+
"YOU...What, are you doing here, again?"
I stepped forward, into the cargo shuttle, the Praetorian I controlled looming over them, over him, by nearly one and a half meters. I made certain to emphasize that size difference. One does not just crash in me like this without a good reason, or I'd be testing how long a Venlil survives vacuum.
Adjek decided to speak up, fear laden in his voice. "I-I-I...W-we were being chased by an Arxur vessel on the course here! T-They ignored the human's truce and decided to p-pursue us directly!"
I faltered a bit at that. Chased? The Arxur supposedly promised that they wouldn't attack the Venlil in-system, but given how much the bad blood between the Arxur and herbivore races was hyped up, I couldn't toss out the possibility.
"Is he telling the truth?" I swung the Praetorian's fake head about the room, scanning over each Venlil in the audience. It wasn't necessary, I had a panoramic view just from the chest optics alone, but the psychological effect and bait of having a head was palpable. They all parroted something similar to what Adjek and the pilot said, so I had no clear contradiction to go off of yet.
But I wasn't done with intimidation, I warmed the cannon muzzle to be visible within the deep red visual spectrum, and aimed it at him.
"Tell me everything, now."
He began to describe his intent and clearance for coming here...but reality decided to be a pain at that exact moment, as the likely culprit entered the hangar. Thankfully, I wasn't hampered by multitasking. A section of me split attention equally to the Arxur ship landing in my bay.
This ship, supposedly the Ambusher-class Goring Claw going off the IFF, was an armed dropship of some sort capable of intro-extra-atmospheric operation, given the rotary variable mode engines. They had been given landing clearance, but not by me, no, instead by the shipyard.
I would need to ask the UN to bring down that blackout protocol soon. This is immensely inconvenient to not have access to monitoring and communication outside myself, except through Hailey. Nevertheless, I positioned my remaining Praetorians around the likely exit of the dropship, awaiting it to open and...greet...these likely troublemakers. I had one Praetorian stand directly front-and-center to the back end, and aim weapons, but not arm them at the dropship hangar doors.
With a hiss, and a burst of slightly depressurized gas, the door opened, and out marched a line of two pairs of two Arxur guards. Their gear looked highly ceremonial, given its lack of tactical or efficient features, and the choice of weapon being a spear of some sort with a sidearm still holstered. Behind them, walked an even more gaudy individual than the guards, an Arxur with a prominent scar across their face covered in flamboyant ceremonial uniform. I was almost certain this was Chief Hunter Isif, Lithke's commanding officer, given Hailey's description of the visitors earlier. Behind him marched a set of less extravagantly dressed figures, likely advisors of some sort. And, of course, Lithke.
I wouldn't just let them off the hook so easily though, despite their far better entrance.
"Chief Hunter Isif. Lithke. You had best have a good reason for making a Venlil ship crash into my hangar."
Memory transcription subject: Chief Hunter Isif, Arxur Dominion Sector Fleet
Date [standardized human time]: October 24, 2136
Those idiots seriously did not-
...No, calm yourself, a Chief Hunter must always look composed, even in the face of absurdity.
The pilot in control of this Ambusher had heard my order to follow the Venlil in, got target fixation, and decided to escalate it to a chase. I would have him lashed for the offense later, but for now, I needed to quickly rekindle what little good will the Arxur had in Red One's eyes.
Losing it now could mean turning up hungry forever.
"I apologize for my pilot's unprofessional actions. He will be punished severely later for the transgression of letting his instincts override both human and my orders. Is there anything I can do further to fix your appetite, Red One?"
The robot frontmost of our shuttle stepped forward, it's bulk and size intimidating even by Arxur standards. It towered tall enough to nearly be at my head height despite the fact I was standing on the dropship ramp. Red One's response was curt, and [quick to the kill]. "You can start by convincing the odd twenty-five or so Venlil engineers your pilot chased into crashing on my hangar deck that you aren't here to eat them all, or whatever sickening actions you Arxur do. When that's done, then you may converse with Hailey Whitmer."
At least it wasn't "you've done enough, stop". I'd seen plenty disappear after that particular response in the Dominion.
"Fine. Blades!" I shouted to the ceremony guard I was issued. "Two of you will hold the pilot at the ship for punishment. He is to not eat, nor rest, nor do anything until I return. The rest will assist Lithke in assuaging the prey that they are safe...for now. I must speak with Red One while you do."
They saluted, and went about their way.
Good, everyone bought it. In a sense, this was funnily enough just the distraction I needed. Perhaps I'll reduce the pilot's lashing count quietly for that.
Now...for the harder part. I had no idea if Red would sense my intentions, and so-
The combat drone spoke once again. "Lithke's sung your praises, Chief Hunter Isif. An icon of 'applied cruelty' in his words. I'm curious as to why that should be praised, out of all things in a leader."
We're still too close to the ship, even if none are around to hear it, audio logs might pick up any dissenting thoughts. I should bring this conversation elsewhere.
"I see Lithke wasn't convincing on his own, it seems. Here, walk with me, I still have yet to meet your Special Envoy Hailey personally." I began to walk towards the group of humans near the other end of the hangar.
"So, you have met her?" Red One instantly picked up on the message, noticing the phrasing. So, she's capable of understanding subtlety...
"Yes, but not directly. She gave a presentation at the UN's discussion on you, which I attended."
"And what, pray tell, did you learn about there?" Red One seemed to press me slightly on the session, clearly looking for something. I'd play along, get in their favor.
"Plenty. You're by far the most powerful ship in the galaxy, as far as I can tell. The Humans and Venlil alike are afraid of you, but the former less-so, seeing a more mixed reaction to your presence."
"And what do you think of me?" Red questioned.
I began with a political mealy-mouth phrase.
"The Dominion is not-"
But she interrupted my train of thought. "No. I didn't ask what the Arxur thought. I was asking what you thought, specifically."
What?!
I scanned quickly, my head paced from side to side as I looked for any potential monitoring agent or tools nearby that could potentially pick up on my dialogue.
"You're...an interesting shake-up to the galaxy. Possibly even a means to an end I've been looking into."
There was a curiosity laden in that tone. "Is that so? What, pray tell, would an Arxur fleet leader need with me?"
Again, I checked about, to make certain none were close. "I...am trying to solve a personal problem. Your emergence is convenient to it..."
"Ah...so I was correct..." Red One's drone stopped in front of me for a moment, before turning directly to address me. "...The constant checking about other Arxur assets, the send-off of your personal guard, the overcompensation on the facial details and micromovements, the ordering of Lithke to 'convince' me of Dominion ideals. How much of it is an act, Chief Hunter Isif?"
She already found me out!?
The mask dropped in a panic, knowing none were close enough to pick up on it. "Quiet! How did you pick up on that?" I hissed under my breath to them.
She neglected to answer that statement directly, instead asking another question. "That's not important. The better thing to ask, is what exactly do you want with me?"
Well, since the meat has been spoiled...
I decided to be blunt, and honest. "I need either a line to directly converse with you on a sensitive matter later, or a method to do it now. There is a deep sickness within the Arxur, and you are a possible lynchpin to excise it. But it is traitorous in nature to Betterment, and they have agents everywhere. I would need it to be done away from their ears."
"I am currently operating in blackout conditions. I cannot send or receive signals from the outside without going through a UN transponder, so the first option is out currently. You need a distraction then, while you're here." Red's drone turned back around and continued walking, not giving away anything to the outside of her sudden skinning of my fake personality. "That can be arranged. But not this instant, we are already too close to outside ears for an extended conversation."
"A codeword, then? Some indicator that I may step away and talk securely with you?"
"A codeword is a start, but I'm more concerned about your personal guard. Are they loyal to you enough to ignore such a conversation?"
"Absolutely not. Effectively none of the group that has come along with me is loyal enough to hear this."
Red One didn't speak immediately, but the pause was small. "A full separation might be possible. I have an idea during the tour. If I say the phrase, 'Feel free to peruse' to you specifically, it will mean I have sufficiently separated attention enough that you may speak to me securely. Do you understand?"
She already has a plan? Her speed on that matter is dizzying.
I would have to trust her method. "I understand."
"Good, mask up again, we are within the distance of maximum human audible range given this volume."
Her matter of figuring out my intentions and act that quickly was unnerving, but it made some sense for a sentient computer. She likely thought far faster than the average Arxur, or even Human. But I could consider that later, I needed to get back in character. While my physical demeanor hadn't wavered any, I needed to give off the mental face of a Chief Hunter once again to allay suspicions. Especially since my personal guard were likely to return soon.
Hailey Whitmer noticed us soon after, and disengaged herself from talking with the other Humans. She began her way over here, leaving them to huddle around their ship, still unloading a collection of scientific equipment and personal belongings. "Chief Hunter Isif! Welcome to the UECNS Nemesis. What happened exactly that caused the Venlil to crash in like that, however? I heard a concerning bit that they were chased?"
I lashed my tail in frustration at that. "Our pilot idiotically got fixated on the Venlil ship. He will be punished later. For now I apologize on their behalf. I will try and...convince the Venlil's not to fear soon, but I honestly don't expect them to listen. They are prey, after all, sniveling in fear at the slightest provocation."
Hailey looked annoyed at that statement, but I could at least take personal solace in knowing it was mere persona. She would simply have to deal with it. "That's rather rude to our allies, Isif."
I corrected her: "Your allies, Human. The prey do not interest me. No, what interests me and my cohort is this ship." I pointed a claw at the robotic soldier behind me.. "I have already met Red One herself, and as you are the UN's Envoy here, I must meet you as well. Lithke has spoken much about both of you."
Hailey's expression changed from veiled frustration to surprise at that. "He has? Hah! I did charm-...oh, excuse my manners. When your entourage arrives over here, we can begin a proper tour with the both of us at the helm. Red?"
A voice emanated from the walls. "Yes, Hailey?"
"Do you have a path listed for a proper tour throughout your facilities?"
She responded immediately. "Yes. The UEC military has conducted tours before of my hull to other officials. I can follow said pathing, ignoring areas currently exposed to vacuum or damaged heavily. It will cover roughly 45% of the ship, and with transportation aid, take roughly 4 and a half hours."
Hailey clapped her hands together. "Perfect! When the three groups are gathered properly here, we can begin."
Given I could see my guard returning, thankfully not laden with prey blood or wounds, that would be soon.
+CONFED IO.5+
+READING MAIN SEQ.MEM+
+ADDENDUM: ADJUSTED DATE 24.10.2136+
I have had tours done of my shipself before. When my form was still under construction, Commander Theodore William Billingsly had given a walk-around to Yasmine, in preparation to turn over the role of Captain to her. The visit had gone rather easily, and familiarized her with my layout quickly in a professional manner. I had given numerous miniature tours of my layout to new crew members, with assistance from more established crew. I figured tours were nothing too special to my sensibilities and experience.
But I had never quite had the experience of juggling a tour where each distinct species of the tour was at odds with the other two. Listening to them was taxing.
"What are you looking at, leaflicker?"
"H-Help! I-It wants to e-e-eat me!!!"
"Could y'all just get along for a single moment? We're coming up on the barracks, supposedly, and yet you're at each other's throats!"
"Of course we're at their throats, those are rather delicious to tear out."
"You predators would focus on our vulnerable spots, w-wouldn't you!"
"Fuck's sake, you can't behave, can y'all?"
"Jealous of our vicious nature?"
"No we're not! What you do to the other races in this galaxy is abhorrent!"
"Yeah, you Arxur monsters have nothing to be proud of! I've lost family to your kind!"
Very taxing.
The human team and Hailey were trying to somewhat wrangle the mood down, but the Arxur and Venlil despised one another, and it showed. There was no quieting-down of their feud for more than a few minutes, before it started up again for the smallest altercations. I was glad I had brought a host of Praetorians to keep them physically separate somewhat, as I'd hate to have seen any humans hurt in the way.
Instead, I tried to focus on just providing an air of authority, as Hailey led them throughout my assorted systems and layout, only providing input where she did not know about. There were at least some receptive comments of myself during the tour that didn't result in lambasting the other two parties.
"The internal layout of this ship is rather unique. It doesn't look like anything in the Federation proper." A Venlil engineer by the name of Joluk mentioned.
"Yeah, I know!" Said a human scientist by the name of George Oscoda. "It's very...Death Star meets Nostromo, made a bit wider, then painted gunmetal black with red detailing."
Joluk turned back to him. "I have no idea what those are, but I don't like the sound of a Death Star." Their tail went ramrod straight, hanging down at the comment. Perhaps a body language fear response?
I decided to clarify from a drone nearby. "The internal design pattern of the UEC favors a highly geometric, hexagonal or octagonal hall layout, for maximum support with little freestanding support. A three-to-two width to height ratio also helps alleviate claustrophobic concerns, and detriments mental health minimally for extended stays."
George spoke up again. "I guess that's fair, but nothing will change how depressingly dark and scarred-up some of these corridors and bulkheads are currently. I get that it's battle damage, but..."
Lithke piped in from the front. "Nemesis wears her scars proudly. She is a predator forged in war, none escape without scars." I couldn't find a reason to directly deny said statement. I did sometimes prefer the reminder of how many Compact Janissaries had died within myself. How I shivered in delight at knowing they met their ends aboard my hull.
I decided to just remain silent on that. Hailey also responded to that soon after. "Well, honor besides, a lot of that damage will have to be repaired eventually. No amount of self-righteousness excuses holes to vacuum in some spots." She was also right. There were various spots throughout me that were not even enterable, let alone habitable as I was. Numerous collapsed-in sections, holes in my hull all-throughout. There wasn't even a main engines section anymore, with the aft exposed to space after redlining to Earth to save them from the Federation fleet. No amount of scars would justify not repairing battle damage.
I was at least partially glad they could not read Compact Standard. The various little easter eggs of alien languages scattered on my walls were filled with warnings and resignations of regret for boarding me. I left them there, to add to the ambient horror of unwelcome borders, but currently it just felt...out of place. I did not want to scare the people on board.
Thankfully there were few along this path, and none noticed it as the language it was offhand, so I avoided those questions. As we walked to the entrance doors to the barracks, there was a hallway we would have to cross first. One I had kept tenderly over the centuries.
I decided to speak ahead of time on it. "We are coming up on a particular area of mine en route to the general barracks. It was not something made in my time with humanity, but more...a personal project. Reminders and trophies of what and who I fought for both myself, and any others who might unfortunately find themselves this far into my halls." Some of the Arxur looked intrigued by that statement.
Hailey looked a little nervous at the way I introduced it. "I-I wouldn't really call it something particularly-"
I kept going over her response. It wasn't particularly polite, but if I was to make a maximal psychological distraction for Isif to say his piece, it would need to be done...
As a drone already within put the finishing touches on the arrangement, and skittered away into the dark lofts above, the doors opened to my favorite rooms, and I introduced the hallway ahead.
"Welcome...to my Collection."
First Prev Next (soon)

I will give a lot of context of my situation, but I will try to make it as anonymous as possible (although, based on this, it is really easy to find me...). I won't try to justify, but rather explain the reasoning so you can understand it better. All of this is really embarrassing for me, but I'm so desperate that I feel like I need to tell you everything.
I, M23 non-citizen living in Europe in the process of acquiring citizenship, began my career around the Fall of 2021 as a Software Engineering Intern at a top 3 Password Manager company. I was 20yo at the time. I do not have a CS degree, but I had original personal projects that helped me during interviews. The fact that I failed a subject at school and couldn't join university was the trigger for a depression&anxiety (that had deeper reasons than just school failure) that I was in for over a year, and this new job sparked a joy inside me that I didn't experience during this time.
I was doing really great. After 4-5 months, I was offered a full-time Junior SWE position. I was even discharged from therapy. However, I was also interviewing for other companies as I didn't know if I'd make it into a full-time position. The offer came in as I passed Facebook interviews for a 3-month internship in London (I live in another country). I talked to my manager at the time, and he convinced me that it would be better to stay, as I had concerns about immigration & the fact that it didn't seem like Facebook had a long-term plan for me.
My salary as an intern was 24k€/year, remote. If I were to be full-time, I would be going into 32k€/year, remote.
Two weeks later, I also received feedback from another company, Company 2, B2B Fintech. I passed all the interviews for a remote Junior FE position. The salary was 72,8k€/year, but as a contractor, and I would be joining as an employee if I were to relocate to Paris. I discussed the matter with my parents, friends, and girlfriend, and I decided to take the offer. The company I was working at counter-offered for 45k€, but I didn't take it.
Then shit hit the fan.
Everything at work was fine, but I was going through a lot of stress at home. After roughly 2 months in this new company, I had two traumatic events outside work that put me into my first panic attack. Due to the high expectations I had for myself at this new job, I felt compelled to resign. I made up an excuse at midnight, wrote the resignation letter and sent it to my manager. He understood my situation and I left. I started to attend therapy sessions once more and took different medications as well.
I talked to colleagues at Company 1, and they accepted me back. One month later, I was back at my position, at 45k€. But things were different. I was giving my all, but I wasn't performing as well as I was before. My relationship with my girlfriend was getting worse, things at home were so tense, and responsibilities were piling up. My therapist thought (and she was right) that I was in the process of burnout. Closer to 6 months after my return, I was talking to my peers about taking a break, but I wasn't sure yet... Then the HR said I'd better take a sick leave because my performance was worse than before and this could trigger a PIP. I took the sick leave. 2 weeks weren't enough. The day I returned, I talked to HR again and I was surely going to PIP, so I told them I was not capable of doing more than I was already doing. I was exhausted. I resigned once more.
Two months later, I got another job at Company 3. I couldn't screw this up. 46k€, remote, I just had to go to Paris once a month. On the first day at this new job, I was so focused that I forgot to eat, and just noticed I was starving when my mom knocked on the door at 17h30 asking if I would eat something. I was dedicating 100% of my time to code.
On my first visit to the office, I had a great time, except for an interaction with a colleague that I really liked. He was asking about my story and I told him about my previous experiences. He said: "so you aren't going to leave us after 3 months, are you?". The voice tone was friendly, but I knew the concern was legit.
During my second visit to the office, I ran out of medication, so I was rationing the dose so I could make it until I was back home. I had a side project for a role-playing game, so I changed the whole BE & FE language & frameworks to match the Company 3 stack. I made a linkedin post to tell people I was practicing the stack after work hours on this project. On the next day, HR scheduled a meeting with my manager and asked me if I was founding a company, because that would clash against the non-competing clause in my contract, and that "Company 3 is the only entrepreneurship journey an employee should take".
Looking back, I understand the concern. In my mind, I was only sharing my RPG side project and showing commitment to improving, but they could not read my mind. I tried explaining that to my manager, and he suggested that instead of doing my side project, I could use those hours after work to solve more tasks from work, as my project would not give me any financial return. This whole thing made me feel horrible. I was so unstable due to medication and [sensitive information, trigger] that I thought of killing myself. I just didn't do it because I thought of my family, girlfriend and friends.
When I returned back home, I was worse. After two weeks I resigned, again. I made purchases with a credit card just so I could force myself to find a job to pay it later. My girlfriend also broke up with me, and lost contact with friends, so... I really asked my parents to stay in the hospital for rehab. I couldn't take it anymore. We searched for other therapists and they denied my hospitalization and we began working on my mental health again. They discovered that I have ADHD, alongside other childhood traumas...
After four months, I had an offer for an internship at Company 4. 21,6k€/year, but fully on-site in Paris. I had nothing to lose, so I went there. At the same time, it was my best and worst decision at the same time. It was good because I could prove to myself that I was a little bit stronger than I thought, but...
I began sharing a home with another 10 people (it was complete chaos, with a lot of fights between the people living there), taking 55% of my net salary (1380€/month) just for the rent, adding up to the interest payments I had, food, transportation, etc... I was basically paying to be able to do this internship. I couldn't pay the deposit for cheaper places. I decided I was going back home. I stood there for 6 months and, resigned and returned home.
Since then, I have taken some time to heal. Eventually, I had to stop therapy for some months as my parents had some financial issues (especially as they had to help me financially as well), but this month I will go back to it once more, thankfully. I tried job hunting, but either I couldn't pass the CV screening stage, or I failed during the process.
Right now, I'm doing some freelance for a LATAM client. I think will earn (as I don't have a contract or anything), 320€ a month.
I honestly feel like a kid. I made many mistakes and I feel like I've burnt bridges everywhere. If I weren't in the hustle from day one, I could've paid more attention to my health, to my ex, to my friends, and I wouldn't have made most of the decisions I did. I feel ashamed. I know part of the blame can be justified on the mental health issues I have, but I can't blame everything on it, I have my (the biggest) part of the blame as well.
I would like to have some advice on what to do. How to deal with this job hopping situation I have? My parents have a better financial condition now, so I'm going back to therapy and I'll be able to visit my home country. I have attached my CV, so you can have a look too and give me some advice on it. I also want to join the university next year and restart my social, professional, and academic life.
Thank you for your attention, this was really hard to share and I appreciate your time reading this.
CV: https://imgur.com/JfF4Ddy